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Review: Vampire Kristmas
Vampire Kristmas
Donna Michaels
The Wild Rose Press
Dec 3, 2008
ISBN# not assigned
Paranormal Black rosette
Theme: Christmas
eBook ~ 32 pages
Buy Now
We meet Jeremy Kristmas who gets rudely awoken by his brother after being in stasis for two centuries. Groggy and not really understanding why he was awakened, he comes to terms that he is to 'clean up' his brother's mess, again! He also does not want to fall in love with another human because he had lost Cordelia.
Then he sees her...a spitting image of Cordelia, but her name is Lynette. And his brother has made a mess of everything. Now it is he that has to try to convince her that he is a good man, er, vampire.
After she lashes out at him, he tells her that he is Jeremy and that the one that hurt her was his twin brother, Jared. But there is someone else that could possibly be his long lost love. But in the end, will someone indeed have a Merry Vampire Kristmas?
Ms. Michaels created a touching story with the back story being short and sweet, just enough to let you know about Jeremy's past with Cordelia. She created a world where the vampires live on an island and seem to have accumulated wealth. But they are down to earth and real. I felt for both Jeremy and Lynette. I know everyone hopes that loves soul will find them one day.
Ruth Schaller
ParaNormal Romance Reviews
December 25, 2008
Labels: Review, Wild Rose Press


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Chronic Long-Distance Training May Harm the Heart; Moderate Running Linked With Lower Death Risk, Studies Find
June 4, 2012 -- Exercisers who train chronically to compete in marathons, triathlons, and other long-distance events may be hurting their heart health, according to a new report.
"Chronic extreme endurance efforts, like marathons, ultra-marathons, and long-distance triathlons, can cause cardiovascular damage over time," says researcher James H. O'Keefe, MD, director of preventive cardiology at the Mid America Heart Institute at St. Luke's Health System, Kansas City.
"Healthier exercise patterns involve not such extreme duration or intensity," he tells WebMD.
His multi-study review is in Mayo Clinic Proceedings.
In another study, researchers found that running at moderate speeds was linked with a lower risk of death from any cause compared to no running. More intense running didn't yield additional benefit.
That study was reported Saturday at the American College of Sports Medicine annual meeting.
The message is not to fear exercise, but to practice moderation, say O'Keefe and Carl "Chip" Lavie, MD, medical director of cardiac rehabilitation and preventive care at Ochsner Health System, New Orleans. Lavie was involved in both the review and the running study.
"What we don't want to lose sight of is: People who exercise do better than people who don't exercise," Lavie says.
Endurance Training: Research Update
Evidence about the ill effects of chronic training for extreme endurance events is accumulating, the researchers say in the review.
An evolving body of data indicates that chronic training for, and participation in, extreme endurance events ''can cause dilation and stretching of the heart's chambers, especially the atria and right ventricle," O'Keefe says.
The pumping ability of the right ventricle can be reduced. Blood indicators that reflect damage to the heart muscle can increase, he says.
These changes usually return to normal, he says, within about a week. However, if the training is chronic, it may lead to scarring, enlargement, and stiffening of the heart, he says.
There is a risk, too, of developing abnormal heart rhythms such as atrial fibrillation, O'Keefe says. AFib increases stroke risk.
In one of several studies cited in the review, researchers compared 102 healthy male runners, aged 50 to 72, to 102 men who did not run. Each runner had done at least five marathons in the last three years.
About 12% of the marathon runners had heart scarring. It was three times more common in them than in the comparison group.
During a two-year follow-up, the marathoners were more likely to have a heart attack or other heart or stroke-related problem.
An autopsy released after the recent death of legendary long-distance runner Micah True found he had cardiomyopathy, O'Keefe says.
In the condition, the heart becomes enlarged, thick, or rigid.

subset: commoncrawl


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Season report – 2011/12 – Summer Transfer Window
In the inauspicious surroundings of the Southern League Division One South and West, the Bandits and the Sheriffs began their long road to an eventual target of world domination. Richer and with a greater set of talent at their disposal than anyone else in the league, or indeed in the two divisions above them, the media believed it inevitable that they would be the teams to rise out of the league, although one would require the playoffs since the league only has one automatic promotion spot.
After careful deliberation, the media tipped the Bandits for top spot, thanks to a sheer weight of numbers and a better attitude in the squad. The Sheriffs were predicted to come second, but will point to their superior manager (Mike Phelan has a CA of 155, while his Bandits counterpart – Tom Killick – has only 12 CA) and their own stars.
Neither club felt the need to sign any players during the summer transfer window, with both releasing a handful of players that were deemed to have no future at their level, so they both went into their first season with the generated squad they began with plus the starlets and idiots. How would it go?
Pre-season preparation for the Bandits was excellent – four wins against sides one division above them, and a 2-2 draw with Northampton of League Two, a full four tiers above the Bandits in the league structure.
Meanwhile, the Sheriffs opened with a 1-0 loss to Totton, from the division above, but followed that up with four comfortable friendly wins, also going into the season with a great deal of optimism.
The Sheriffs certainly started well, and were four goals up at half time in their opening match against Tiverton, with both Lazy Idiot Mid and Driven Idiot Mid chipping in with goals. But then came the moment that perhaps sums up the mind of those players – Driven Idiot Def launched into a reckless challenge and was sent off on debut, with the team cruising to victory. It didn't deter them – Lazy Idiot Str and Lazy Idiot Def added further goals for a 6-0 triumph, but the seeds were sown. Mike Phelan fined the fool after the match, but instead of deterring him, he bleated to the press about unfair treatment and instructed his agent to find him a new club. Remarkable.
A 4-0 win followed over Yate, in a match with ten yellow cards (admittedly, four to Yate), before they had their first real test at home to Paulton. Not a strong opponent, but the Sheriffs handed them the initiative early, conceding a penalty and a lead in the second minute, before Jay Connors was sent off six minutes later for a two footed lunge.
By half time, it was ten against ten, but the Sheriffs were still behind, but in the second half, class eventually told, the Sheriffs eventually winning 3-1 against nine men, in another ill-tempered clash. A 6-0 win at Bideford ended August, and ensured that their status as promotion favourites remained intact.
Meanwhile, the Bandits were also starting in style, opening with a 4-0 win over Hungerford, Striker 1 scoring the club's first competitive goal before Striker 3 added a brace. A remarkable five goal storm from Striker 1 followed in their next game, Stourport being destroyed 7-0, with Left Mid 1 adding the other two.
Striker 3 came back out of the limelight for their third and final match of the month, scoring his own hattrick in a 7-1 thumping of Cinderford, which left the Bandits third, only behind the Sheriffs and Gosport because they had only played three games.
Overall, both clubs could be delighted with their starts. Seven wins out of seven between them, and plenty of goals to celebrate. The Sheriffs have some serious disciplinary issues to sort out, but as long as they keep winning games it is unlikely to be a big issue for now.
Squad Analysis – Bandits (Sep 1 2011)
Top 20 in Squad (sorted by CA)
Name, Pos, Age, CA-PA (change)
Hay, 27, M RL, 112-115 (-)
Anderson, 28, DC, 111-115 (-)
Centre Back 1, 17, SW/DC, 105-200 (+5)
Centre Back 3, 17, SW/DC, 105-200 (+5)
Left Mid 1, 17, LM/LW, 105-200 (+5)
Attacking Mid 1, 17, CM/AM, 104-200 (+4)
Left Back 1, 17, LB/LWB, 104-200 (+4)
Right Back 1, 17, RB/RWB, 104-200 (+4)
Striker 1, 17, ST, 104-200 (+4)
Striker 3, 17, ST, 104-200 (+4)
Defensive Mid 1, 17, DM/CM, 103-200 (+3)
Goalkeeper 1, 17, GK, 103-200 (+3)
Right Mid 1, 17, RM/RW, 101-200 (+1)
Cox, 17, ML, 89-176 (+4)
Hawkins, 17, M LC, 89-173 (+2)
Centre Back 2, 17, SW/DC, 84-200 (+9)
Centre Back 4, 17, SW/DC, 82-200 (+7)
Yildirim, 24, AMC, 82-115 (-)
Attacking Mid 2, 17, CM/AM, 81-200 (+6)
Defensive Mid 2, 17, DM/CM, 81-200 (+6)
Players from last season's top 20 who have left the club:
Players from last season's top 20 who have dropped out:
Notable others:
The remaining starlets
The starlets are improving quickly, while Cox and Hawkins remain excellent prospects.
CA of X or above (excluding starlets and idiots):
190 : 0
180 : 0
170 : 0
160 : 0
150 : 0
140 : 0
130 : 0
120 : 0
110 : 2
100 : 2
90 : 2
80 : 6
70 : 8
60 : 11
Squad Analysis – Sheriffs (Sep 1 2011)
Top 20 in Squad (sorted by CA)
Name, Pos, Age, CA-PA (change)
Lazy Idiot GK, 17, GK, 150-200 (-)
Lazy Idiot Def, 17, SW/DC/LB/LWB/RB/RWB, 150-200 (-)
Lazy Idiot Mid, 17, DM/MC/AM/LM/LW/RM/RW, 150-200 (-)
Lazy Idiot Str, 17, ST, 150-200 (-)
Driven Idiot GK, 17, GK, 125-200 (-)
Driven Idiot Def, 17, SW/DC/LB/LWB/RB/RWB, 125-200 (-)
Driven Idiot Mid, 17, DM/MC/AM/LM/LW/RM/RW, 125-200 (-)
Driven Idiot Str, 17, ST, 125-200 (-)
Daley, 28, GK, 109-115 (-4)
Hamilton, 27, AMC, 108-115 (-)
Zabek, 27, D LC, 103-115 (-)
Holloway, 16, AM LC, 87-170 (+3)
Horlock, 17, ST, 76-152 (-)
Hajji, 16, D RLC, 75-156 (+5)
Mogg, 16, DM, 70-146 (+4)
Mansell, 17, M LC, 66-125 (+2)
Casey, 22, AM LC, 63-109 – new entry in top 20
Gape, 17, DR, 61-122 – new entry in top 20
Jones, 17, ST, 60-134 – new entry in top 20
Whittaker, 17, ST, 56-135 – new entry in top 20
Players from last season's top 20 who have left the club:
Players from last season's top 20 who have dropped out:
Notable others:
No change in the CA of either the driven set of idiots or the lazy set. It is important to bear in mind that their CAs are already considerably higher than those of the starlets, which may be a contributory factor in their lack of progress.
CA of X or above (excluding starlets and idiots):
190 : 0
180 : 0
170 : 0
160 : 0
150 : 0
140 : 0
130 : 0
120 : 0
110 : 0
100 : 3
90 : 3
80 : 4
70 : 7
60 : 11
Interesting to see all the Bandits have already started improving (of course, they have further to go) --- the Sherriffs, not so much. Still early though....will have to compare improvements at end of season---I suspect that the bandits will have a higher % of increase than the Sherriffs.
Yay! I think i like the Sherriffs more this time around, Again. What can i say the drama keeps me entertained. How long till our beloved teams face off?
This is starting to look epic. You can count me as a Sheriffs fan, I love a bit of controversy The Idiots careers are going to be fun to follow
i am so happy now to see you back, long the the bandits
a). Was it a friendly or part of an international competition?
B). Any chance of a screenshot of the two Tahitian players?
Side note for all players, did they start with any Player Preferred Moves?
Founder of the Tahitian Supporters Club, Bandit/Sheriff Universe
Striker 1 on international duty.
Interesting start!
One question kip, did you remove any backroom staff when converting Poole and Wimborne to the Bandits and Sheriffs respectively? Reason I ask is that Tom Killick is the real-life Poole manager (and coincidentally a Wimborne playing legend - scored two and assisted two in their Wembley FA Vase win of 1992, fact fans!) so wondered if he's just left over from the original DB?
I never followed the original threads but certainly going to follow this.
I predict Sheriffs to get 110 yellows and 20 reds for the season, it looks like its not just the idiots with poor temperment
Any transfer interest yet?
Double-take.... AGENTS!?!? That *is* new on this iteration...should provide some interesting changes to the transfer this time around. How many of the crew started with agents? It would be interesting to see how the agents react---they all have different personalities and such....a driven Idiot with a very active agent might be actively shopped...while one of the starlets with a more passive agent might be around for a bit before getting noticed by the scouts!
(You can find agent information for players on the overview-->information tab --- but have to check individually for each player I think).
Edit: Or you can create a custom squad view and add agent to that list to see the squad as a whole.
Last edited by G_D_K; 22-03-2012 at 20:01.
Delighted to see this up once again!
A little late to the party with the predictions, but I predict both sides will gain consecutive promotions all the way to the Premiership (unless there's any leagues where only one can be promoted, which I don't think there is), as their superior spending power will put them in good stead even after they lose the Starlets and Idiots. Based on the first months results, we could be seeing many records broken in the opening few seasons as well...
And as a lifelong fan of the 'heel', I'm pinning my colours to the Sheriffs mast!
Who are the captains for each team? Did the manager spot potential leader for the Bandits and have the Sheriffs risked it on an idiot?
Yay Kip is back!!
I like the new twist with different CAs and the new idiots. I reckon The Sheriffs will pip The Bandits to the league title, meaning the Bandits have to contend with the playoffs, something which they have had problems with in the past if I remember correctly?
Interesting to see the manager choices, let's hope the Bandits Chairman doesn't hold them back by appointing rubbish managers like in 07.
Hopefully the starlets will stay longer than usual, but with such high CA for the league I can see the top ones leaving in January or at the end of the year. The second level of starlets will then step up but also rise quicker than the team and will leave within 3 years.
Idiots are going to be fun! Judging by the incident in the first game, I can see them all moving on within one season and then bouncing from club to club for their careers.
Well my predictions are wrong... International caps in the first part of the opening season and captain! big stuff. I can see some of these smaller nations making waves in their relevant zones.
I wonder if the starlets who are international bound earlier due to the small nation they are playing for, have a reputation increase for playing internationally, even for such a small side as Tahiti. Interesting to see if the fact they play for smaller nations, gets them noticed on the international stage and thus boosts their reputation quicker than if they where representing a larger nation but didnt get a cap until they played in a more reputable league.
Can't wait for the next update Kip!
Yay! Come on you Bandits...
Just about to start reading entire thread so far Cannot wait
Regarding how long till the players leave, i wouldnt be extremely surprised to see one or two of the starlets stay at the bandits, tried a similar game mode starting in the blue square bet south with 11 "starlets", with a CA of 80 and PA of 200, one of the players has still not left the club (5 seasons in with promotion every season except the first) and is massively better than the club, but his loyalty has made him stay i guess, but i still predict the vast majority of the players to leave within 2 seasons.
Last edited by Swolo; 24-03-2012 at 12:51.
I'm going to follow RB2 with particular interest. Trinidad and Tobago, yay.
I remember that FA Vase win - was big news down this way.
The Bandits did put a handful of their 'second tier' starlets on the loan list in the summer, but no-one bit, and after a few weeks, they removed them from the list, sensibly.
Somehow will have to brave it...
Oh its started, posted on 23rd, checked again for update on 25th, get all excited with a Kip post on 26th, only to find its answering the questions.
Will start sweating by the 30th and throwing dummies out of pram by the 1st of April if no update?? (do you think i should calm down a bit?)
Season report – 2011/12 – August-December
After three wins out of three before the summer transfer window closed, the Bandits continued their excellent form with some high scoring exploits at the start of September. Kidlington were dispatched 9-0 in an FA Cup preliminary round, before 10-0 and 9-0 wins in the league gave the rest of the division notice that the Bandits were finding their stride.
High flying Gosport gave them a much sterner test in their next game before the Bandits ran out 4-2 winners, and they followed up with a 7-0 with in the first qualifying round for the FA Cup, as their determination to make a mark on the bigger stage continued. The rest of September saw three more comprehensive league wins – 4-0, 9-0 and 9-1.
October began slowly, but purely because the Bandits weren't playing matches – international callups for some of their youngsters (Striker 1 even became Tahitian captain) meant that a series of fixtures (including a scheduled clash with the Sheriffs) were cancelled, so their only two games in the first three weeks of the month were FA Cup qualifying rounds two and three, both of which were won 6-0.
With the international break over, the fixture pileup saw the club play every three days, but it didn't slow their momentum, with a pair of 6-0 league wins being followed up by a 2-0 win over Abington in the first round of the Red Insure Cup, a competition open to every club in the regional leagues.
October ended with the fourth and final qualifying round for the FA Cup, and yet another comprehensive triumph, Southport being hammered 6-0. It meant that the Bandits would reach the full FA Cup, and face about the trickiest tie they could have drawn – away to Charlton in the first round.
However, that would have to wait – the tie itself was pushed back weeks beyond the rest of the round thanks to a combination of further international callups and fixture re-arrangements. Carry on like this and they will be playing every other day after Christmas.
After starting positively in August, the Sheriffs also impressed in the early parts of the season, starting September with a 7-0 win in the FA Cup preliminary round. A thumping 6-0 win in the league was followed up by a much narrower win – 2-1 over Didcot. But the rest of September saw a return to comfortable victories – 3-0 in the FA Cup 1st qualifying round, and 7-0, 5-1 and 3-0 in the league.
The early October clash with the Bandits was postponed due to international callups, so their first two games of the month were, like the Bandits, the second and third qualifying rounds for the FA Cup, which were won 5-0 and 4-0. Perhaps more remarkably, it marked a month and a half without a single red card for the club that had begun the season with abysmal discipline.
The discipline couldn't last. Lazy Idiot Str failed to turn up to training despite the high spirits within the club, and was promptly fined by the manager. Somewhat predictably, he didn't take too kindly to the decision, and indicated his desire to leave. They don't like criticism, these guys, do they?
It didn't affect their form – a 5-0 away win in the league was followed by a pair of tough away games at impressive Gosport, one in the league and one in the first round of the Red Insure Cup. The former was won 3-0, the latter 4-1, and the month ended on another high with a 4-0 win over Braintree in the final qualifying round for the FA Cup, guaranteeing them a place in the main draw, and a winnable tie away at Hayes and Yeading.
November 16 was penned in as the date for the first clash between the Bandits and the Sheriffs, after the early October fixture was postponed due to international callups. And it seemed as if both clubs would go into the fixture with perfect records, as the Bandits opened November with three more wins – 5-0 and 7-0 in the league, and 5-0 over Shaftesbury in the Dorset Cup 2nd Round, a competition that surely one of the Bandits or Sheriffs will win, given that they are the only two clubs even at the eighth tier of league football involved.
The Sheriffs also opened November in style, with a 6-0 win away in the league, before a shock finally happened in the shape of dropped points – Halesowen escaping with a 0-0 draw thanks to some shocking finishing from the Sheriffs – none of their seventeen shots testing the Halesowen keeper.
The Sheriffs then had the perfect platform to bounce back, with an easy looking Dorset Cup game at home to Weymouth Reserves, but although their triumphed 3-1, the performance was anything but impressive. With the big clash imminent, their form was certainly the weaker.
But then, the international break struck once again, and the Bandits and Sheriffs were forced to wait yet further to face each other, with the game rearranged for January 11, a full three months after the original fixture was scheduled.
Moving on
The Bandits finally conceded after nine consecutive clean sheets, but still ran away with a 4-1 win over Taunton, before progressing emphatically in the second round of the Red Insure Cup with a 10-0 destruction of Yate. Then came the big one, an FA Cup first round tie away at Charlton of League One.
After a bright start by the Bandits, Charlton scored after 22 minutes, but the tie was still very even as the teams went into the break. The Bandits applied more pressure after the interval but couldn't break their opponents down, and despite outshooting Charlton 9-7, they exited the cup by that solitary goal.
Meanwhile, the Sheriffs were thriving. 6-1 and 7-0 wins in the league sandwiched a 5-2 victory at Bedfont Town in the Red Insure Cup, as they regained some form ahead of their own FA Cup tie against Hayes and Yeading.
The tie was billed as a potential shock, with the Sheriffs three divisions below their opponents yet favourites in the eyes of many, but Hayes fought valiantly and held on to a goalless draw despite being camped in their half for the majority of the game. Sadly for them, it wasn't to last until the replay, where the Sheriffs rediscovered their shooting boots to destroy their opponents 7-0, a remarkable scoreline given their respective leagues.
That triumph ensured that the Sheriffs had the FA Cup bragging rights over their fierce rivals for the first season in their history, and with a second round clash at home to Corby to come, they fancied their chances of mixing it with the big boys in round three.
Closing out the year
Now out of the cup, the Bandits focused on non-league matters in December, opening the month with a 3-0 league victory before dispatching Swanage 5-1 in the quarter finals of the Dorset Cup. Three more league wins – 6-0, 4-0 and 4-0, ensured that they ended 2011 with a perfect league record of eighteen wins from eighteen.
The Sheriffs had a far busier month, playing an extra league game as well as their second round tie in the FA Cup, but it didn't faze them in the slightest – a 6-0 win over Dorchester Reserves in the Dorset Cup quarter final was followed by four thumping league victories, and a spectacular 7-0 demolition of Corby in the FA Cup to reach the third round, where they would face Burnley at home in an excellent test of their mettle.
As the year closes, the Sheriffs sat top of the league with eighteen wins and a draw from their nineteen games, with the Bandits a point behind with a game in hand and a better goal difference (+103 to +84). But with the pair still to face each other, everything is still to play for.
The Sheriffs do, however, have a few issues. In the latter stages of the year, Lazy Idiot Str was fined for missing training, and the pair of Lazy Idiot Mid and Driven Idiot Str were fined for reckless two footed challenges that earned them early baths. None of the three reacted well, and in addition both Driven Idiot Def and Driven Idiot Mid have indicated that they feel the time is right to move on the bigger things.
January could be interesting. The transfer window opens, and the first clash between the pair occurs on the 11th, four days after the Sheriffs' big cup tie. In addition, the two were paired together in the Dorset Cup semi-final, so will face off at least three times before the season is over.
Fantastic update. Can't wait for the big clashes. Could be an interesting transfer window. Any interest in starlets or idiots yet?
This is intense. How is the Icelandic bandit doing? Who has been playing the best in the two teams? Could we see the top scorer-s lists and those things?
Maybe a screenie of stats (Apps, Goals, Assists, MOM and AVg Rating)
Ok, will get some stats up now. No screenshots yet as that'll take forever, so some tables of numbers coming right up....
Mid season statistics - Bandits
Most appearances – 20+
Goalkeeper 1 – 27
Striker 1 – 25 + 1
Hay (RM) – 24
Striker 3 – 24
Left Back 1 – 24
Defensive Mid 1 – 23 + 1
Attacking Mid 1 – 22 + 1
Left Mid 1 – 22 + 1
Right Back 1 – 22 + 1
Hay is keeping Right Mid 1 out of the team on the right wing, and has been an outstanding performer. Otherwise, the premier tier starlets are the dominant players.
Goals – 5+
Striker 3 – 42 (28 games)
Striker 1 – 38 (25 + 1 games)
Left Mid 1 – 18 (22 + 1 games)
Hay (RM) – 15 (24 games)
Attacking Mid 1 – 9 (22 + 1 games)
Striker 4 – 8 (5 + 4 games)
Anderson (CB) – 5 (18 + 1 games)
Stunning goalscoring records for the starlet strikers, but Hay on the right wing has an exceptional record too, and Anderson is useful from set pieces.
Assists – 10+
Striker 1 – 22 (25 + 1 games)
Hay (RM) – 21 (24 games)
Striker 3 – 21 (24 games)
Left Mid 1 – 19 (22 + 1 games)
Defensive Mid 1 – 11 (23 + 1 games)
Striker 1 has 38 goals and 22 assists. Not too shabby.
Top Ratings, Min 10 games, 8.00 Rating
Striker 3 – 9.10 (24 games)
Striker 1 – 8.80 (25 + 1 games)
Left Mid 1 – 8.73 (22 + 1 games)
Hay (RM) – 8.70 (24 games)
Right Back 1 – 8.34 (22 + 1 games)
Left Back 1 – 8.22 (24 games)
Defensive Mid 1 – 8.18 (23 + 1 games)
Anderson (CB) – 8.13 (18 + 1 games)
No wonder Hay is keeping Right Mid 1 out of the team….
Mid season statistics - Sheriffs
Most appearances – 20+
Driven Idiot Str – 30
Zabek (CB) – 29
Lazy Idiot Def – 28
Lazy Idiot GK – 28
Driven Idiot Mid – 28
Lazy Idiot Mid – 27
Driven Idiot Def – 26 + 1
Lazy Idiot Str – 26
Hamilton (AMC) – 22 + 8
Holloway (AMC) – 21 + 4
Seven of the eight idiots appear, with Driven Idiot GK making only three appearances. Good to see 16 year old prospect Holloway getting games, although they are sticking him on the left wing.
Goals – 5+
Lazy Idiot Str – 30 (26 games)
Driven Idiot Str – 29 (30 games)
Lazy Idiot Mid – 17 (27 games)
Hamilton (AMC) – 11 (22 + 8 games)
Zabek (CB) – 11 (29 games)
Driven Idiot Mid – 9 (28 games)
Holloway (AMC) – 7 (21 + 4)
Lazy Idiot Def – 5 (28 games)
Although the idiots have good records, the standout figure there is centre half Zabek, who has powered home 11 goals already.
Assists – 10+
Driven Idiot Str – 18 (30 games)
Mogg (CM) – 17 (12 + 2 games)
Driven Idiot Mid – 15 (28 games)
Lazy Idiot Str – 14 (26 games)
Lazy Idiot Mid – 12 (27 games)
Lazy Idiot Def – 11 (28 games)
Hamilton (AMC) – 10 (22 + 8 games)
17 year old Matt Mogg stands out here, with 17 assists at more than one per game.
Top Ratings, Min 10 games, 8.00 Rating
Lazy Idiot Str – 8.41 (26 games)
Driven Idiot Str – 8.31 (30 games)
Lazy Idiot Mid – 8.25 (27 games)
Zabek (CB) – 8.22 (29 games)
Lazy Idiot Def – 8.16 (28 games)
Driven Idiot Mid – 8.02 (28 games)
Driven Idiot Def – 8.00 (26 + 1 games)
Absolutely loving the start to this! Both teams are in dominant form, but I have to say that Bandits look stronger, putting in a solid performance against Charlton and winning every League game so far. I shooting for the Bandits to win 2 of the 3 matches they face with the sheriffs!
Love the stats too, the Bandits are well above the pack, but Hay has been an absolute beast. Will you be doing a tracking of ex-bandit players who pave a decent career, as I would like to track Hay's... He seems like he could have an interesting history to unfold.
Very nice start for both teams. Still picking the Bandits to go on top this season --- especially with not having the major cups to contend for any longer. Expect disciplinary problems for the Sheriffs to cause issues...if they're still with the team after the window.
And wow...80 goals between ST1 and 3 already --- good stuff from them...expect they'll be snatched up soon, along with 3-4 others from both teams!
Very interesting senario. I'm excited to see how it turns out at the end of the year
Gotta love how the generated regens are having extraordinary time & stats in the first team. Lovely to see that the academies are working already! 2 wins vs the Sheriffs, 1 in the league and 1 in Dorset Cup will see us triumph over them for sure. Mon the Bandits!
Season report – 2011/12 – January
The window opens
With the transfer window open again, a lot of the focus was on who would still be around by the time the Bandits and the Sheriffs met on the 11th. Both clubs opened January with victories before the Bandits won their game in hand to maintain their perfect record and return to the top of the table.
Meanwhile, the Sheriffs were gearing up for their massive cup tie against Burnley, mid table in the Championship, some six divisions above them. In the early stages, Burnley looked a class apart, taking the lead after 14 minutes and holding out comfortably until half time. But after the break, the Sheriffs asserted themselves, and when Scott Hamilton equalised just before the hour it was no less than they deserved.
Both teams pushed for a victory, but none was forthcoming, so a replay was scheduled at Turf Moor. An impressive result indeed.
Meanwhile, both clubs were losing players. Tommy Hay, the surprise package on the right wing of the Bandits, joined Leicester for £210k, while Driven Idiot Mid decided not to stick around for the FA Cup replay, moving to Sunderland for £475k.
The first meeting
Both were concerned about their thinning squads when they finally came together for a meeting at the River Styx, home of the Sheriffs, for a fixture played three months after it was originally scheduled. The Sheriffs were hoping to claim the win that would return them to the top, but the Bandits blitzed them in a remarkable opening 16 minutes, going 3-0 up and leaving their opponents shellshocked. Lazy Idiot Str pulled one back before the half hour, but despite the match being even overall, the Sheriffs never recovered and the Bandits stretched their lead to five points.
Two days later, the Sheriffs lost another player, Driven Idiot Def joining his former teammate at Sunderland for £400k. The Bandits, meanwhile, took advantage of the Sheriffs' cup exploits to go eight points clear with an 8-0 league win, before a 7-0 Red Insure Cup triumph took them into the quarter finals.
And the Bandits would continue to fire on all cylinders for the remainder of the month, with four more comfortable league victories taking their tally to 26 out of 26 when the transfer window slammed shut. They may have lost Hay, but they kept all their starlets and look good to push on to the league title.
Meanwhile, the Sheriffs had cup games to catch up on. A 3-0 win in the Red Insure Cup put them into the quarter finals, and they had room for one more league win before their clash with Burnley in the FA Cup replay.
This time, it was the Sheriffs that took the lead, stunning the home fans into silence with Lazy Idiot Str's goal. Before half time their chances took a massive turn for the better when Burnley were reduced to ten men, and after the break Hamilton's goal appeared to seal it. But the Championship side quickly got one back, and it quickly became a backs to the wall job as Burnley pressed on. Ultimately, though, the Sheriffs held on for a famous victory.
They were so far behind in their schedule that the fourth round tie was held just three days later, and in a cruel twist of irony they were drawn away to Sunderland, new home of the two idiots that had recently left. Both were cup tied, but it mattered little – Sunderland raced into a 3-0 lead by half time before easing off and settling for that scoreline. It had been a terrific cup run but it was now over.
All that remained in January was to pick up one more league victory, leaving the Sheriffs with the impressive record of only five points dropped all season – one draw and that loss to the Bandits. But with three games in hand on the Bandits, they were still a massive 14 points behind a team not looking like dropping any, and the playoffs look likely.
No more news on the transfer front, so two idiots leave, Hay leaves the Bandits, but the rest remain.
I hope you keep track of Hay as well as the idiots. Was hoping the Sheriffs would win the FA cup, but maybe that was a bit too ambitious
Awesome update!
3-1, 3-1, 3-1, 3-1, 3-1, 3-1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come on the Bandits
Viva la Bandito's!!!!!!!!!!!!
Interesting that non of the starlets have left, if I remember the Bandits lost nearly all in 1st window on original. With them staying should hopefully see a quicker rise.
Shame to see Hay go, will be interested to see how he fairs.
Wonder how long the idiots last at Sunderland.
Fantastic update. It's great that they kept majority of their players. Maybe it's even possible that some players will remain faithful to the Bandits (or less likely the Sherrifs) during their entire career?
Quite impressed that only 2 idiots left and no starlets. Hay won't be a big loss for The Bandits as Right Mid 1 will now have the chance to flourish.
Judging by the results so far, both sides are probably the equivalent of low Championship / high League 1 teams already.
I think one more idiot leaves in the summer but the Bandits are the ones who are going to really get hurt over the next two transfer windows and anything up to half of the starlets will be off within 12 months.
I suspect it was the lower starting CA that kept the starlets on the team through January. Don't expect it to last past summer though (but still a surprise).
Great result for the Sheriffs on the cup run! Don't think they've got it in them to catch the Bandits though...playoffs for them. No surprise on the Idiots leaving...though a bit of a surprise they ended up on the same team!
How goes things on the international front? Could we get a little teaser on that?
Haven't been on CSE much lately, but man, it's nice to have this back!
With less and less time to actually play the game myself (I haven't even bought FM12), this more than makes up for it. Great to see it back and loving the updates so far. Best experiment ever!
Did either club make any signings during the January window kip?
What a solid first clash! Up you Bandits!
Sad to see Hay go, I was just getting attached to him. Wishing him much luck and hoping he rejoins the bandits further on down his career!
So good to see the Bandits back in action...
I'm too late for predictions, so I'll throw in some conclusions instead.
I'm rather amazed that only two of the Idiots left, they are so far above the league (or even their club's) standard I thought they'd all be gone as soon as the transfer window opened. Especially as this time around they actually seem to be playing very well, discipline problems notwithstanding.
I also thought that, despite the lower starting levels, the Starlets would also be going away, as even though they are much lower in ability than the previous experiments, they are still a good three if not four levels above their current league. And bear in mind they're still kids...
I wonder, did any higher league teams inquire about any of them?
Have you checked to see if any of the starlets have agents? And if so, how likely are the agents to be active in selling them?
Looking forward to next update. Checking every day. Note to self....... Stop hitting refresh. F5 will wear out
same here.
Didn't the players always have agents? Did they suddenly get a more active role? I haven't noticed that...
They did I believe? But this is the first incarnation of the Bandits where we can see the portfolio of the agents and their personalities to some extent. So it'll be another part where we can see whether an agent could make a difference or not in a world beater's career.
Get in - just discovered that the new thread is up and read through the whole lot. Great to have you back Kip - we've missed you muchly!
Bandits are back
kip saying "soon" means the rate at which i refresh has increased substantially...
Soon as in now? Soon as in a few hours? Soon as in a few days? Soon as in a few weeks? Soon as in a few months?
How soon is soon?!?!?!!? :o
Soon is as soon as it's ready
You can always setup a email notification if the thread gets updated...save the F5 key some wear and tear.
Already done that!
Honestly, I wander off for a bit and everyone turns into Morrissey! How Soon is Now?
Wow, I wander into CSE for the first time in ages and this is back! Great updates so far, I'm hooked already
My prediction is that both teams went up. Sheriffs through the playoffs. The next league meeting between the two sides was a 2-2 draw.
Season report – 2011/12 – February-May
The Bandits continued their relentless league form throughout February, with four victories out of four, scoring 23 goals in the process, leading up to the big return clash with the Sheriffs. Considering that the Sheriffs need to beat them and hope they drop more points somewhere else to lift the title, it looked more and more as if the title was heading to the home of the starlets.
The Bandits also reached the semi final of the Red Insure Cup with another massive win – 8-0 over Rugby. Remarkably, they even guaranteed themselves a playoff berth as early as February 11.
Meanwhile, the Sheriffs virtually killed their own chances of winning the league with a poor defensive performance against North Leigh, who earned a 2-2 draw despite being outshot 18-2. The Sheriffs won their other five February league games by an aggregate of 24-0, but the damage was done. However, they also reached the Red Insure semi-finals with a 2-0 win at Tiverton. The Bandits and Sheriffs were kept apart in the semi-final draw.
Return Clash
With the Bandits proudly displayed a record of 29 wins from 29 games, the Sheriffs went into the return game seven points behind, two draws dropping them almost out of contention in addition to their January defeat by the Bandits.
To hold any hopes of a comeback, they simply had to win at the home of the Bandits, and they started like they meant it. But on 16 minutes, the Bandits scored on the counter attack, Mike Anderson putting the league leaders ahead. The Sheriffs weren't giving up though, and Driven Idiot Str equalised six minutes later.
The second half was an even affair, with both sides pushing for the victory, and when the winner came, it was a Sheriffs player that scored it. Sadly for the otherwise impressive Scott Hamilton, it was an own goal, and the Bandits came away with a 2-1 victory, and a ten point lead at the top of the table with just ten games to go. Surely the race was over.
The Sheriffs were furious, and determined that the Bandits would not sweep the competitions in their first full season. The league battle might be over, but there were still two cups to play for, with the Sheriffs hoping they could add those to their FA Cup bragging rights.
It certainly seemed as if they had given up on the league, a 1-0 defeat to Tiverton meaning that the Bandits were not the only side to beat them, before a 4-1 win enabled them to regain some form. The Bandits had no such problems, coming into the semi-final of the Dorset Cup off the back of another convincing 4-1 win.
And so to their third meeting of the season, a clash at the ground of the Bandits for the right to play in the Dorset Cup Final. Once again, the Bandits were quick out of the blocks, Striker 3 scoring after just two minutes, but the Sheriffs equalised three minutes later through Lazy Idiot Mid.
From there, however, it was the Bandits show. Defensive Mid 1 put them back in front, before Striker 3 added his second and Striker 1 made it 4-1. In the end, the Bandits outshot their rivals 31-3, and the scoreline could have been embarrassing. It didn't help that Lazy Idiot Str was away on international duty, but it wouldn't have mattered.
The Bandits then completed March in style, with four more league wins – 8-0, 2-0, 4-0 and 10-0, and a 5-0 cruise past Brackley in the Red Insure Cup semi-final. What a season they were having.
The Sheriffs also found form, bouncing back from their hammering in the Dorset Cup semi-final with five league wins on the spin, scoring 26 unanswered goals in the process, and setting up a Red Insure Cup final clash with their great rivals after a 3-0 win over North Leigh.
The Sheriffs had booked their playoff spot on March 3, and with a thirteen point deficit to the Bandits with five games to go, it was clearly over. But with the first ever cup final between the sides to come (over two legs), there was still room for a big finish.
It was to no-one's surprise that the Bandits opened April by securing the Regional South and West title, with another pair of comfortable victories. Despite the Sheriffs also winning their opening pair of games, it had been clear from an early point in the season that the Bandits were just not going to drop any points, and anytime the Sheriffs faltered it would be a critical blow to their hopes.
With the league wrapped up and a simple looking Dorset Cup final on the horizon, the remaining big job was to beat the Sheriffs in the Red Insure Cup final. The first leg was at the River Styx, and the Sheriffs put up a much better display than in their dismal Dorset Cup semi-final performance. Despite that, and despite outshooting the Bandits 14-12, they were once again on the losing side, the Bandits running out 2-0 winners thanks to goals inside the opening twenty minutes from Defensive Mid 2 and Right Back 1.
The second leg came a week later, and was a case of 'same old, same old'. Again the Bandits raced into a 2-0 lead inside twenty minutes, this time the goals coming from Striker 3 and Left Mid 1, and the Sheriffs knew they were beaten and folded. The Bandits scored no more goals, but dominated the game and cruised to a 4-0 aggregate triumph, and their fifth win over their great rivals of the season.
After that, it was plain sailing for the Bandits. They completed their perfect league season with a pair of 5-0 victories, to leave them with the stunning record of 40 wins from 40, with 220 goals scored. They also predictably lifted the Dorset Cup, with a thumping 9-0 victory over Portland Utd. One league, one promotion, two cups. Not a bad season, all round.
The Sheriffs also completed their league season in style, with a 10-1 win on the final day of the season, but despite their tally of 107 points and 39 point lead over third place, they had to face the playoffs, and a pair of cup knockouts (the semi-final of this league is a one leg shootout).
The semi-final for the Sheriffs was an absolute cruise – three goals to the good early on, they added a fourth in the second half to ease into the final and a tie against Halesowen, who reached the final on penalties. The Sheriffs would go into the game as heavy favourites, but Halesowen were one of the teams they drew with earlier in the season so nothing could be taken for granted.
The early stages were tense, with both sides picking up bookings in a testy atmosphere, but then the Sheriffs struck, Lazy Idiot Str and Lazy Idiot Mid putting them two goals up with strikes in the 29th and 32nd minute. At half time it looked a cruise, and Halesowen weren't getting a look in. In the early stages of the second half, the Sheriffs continued to apply the pressure, but couldn't find the third goal to kill the game off. And then Halesowen struck, Broadhurst redefining 'against the run of play'. With 26 minutes still to play, the game was back on.
But the Sheriffs regrouped and pressed on. Oakes restored their two goal lead, and Lazy Idiot Str added a late fourth that in reality was no less than they deserved. Despite five losses to the Bandits, the Sheriffs can also claim to have had a successful season – decent cup runs including a terrific FA Cup run to the fourth round, and promotion. Job done.
Bandit Honours:
Southern League Division One South and West (2012)
Red Insure Cup (2012)
Dorset Cup (2012)
Sheriff Honours:
Bandits report - Season summary
Southern League Division One South and West: (Pos 1), P 40, W 40, D 0, L 0, F 220, A 12, GD +208, Pts 120
(Media Prediction: 1st)
FA Cup: First Round
Red Insure Cup: Winners
Dorset Cup: Winners
Sheriffs report - Season summary
Southern League Division One South and West: (Pos 2), P 40, W 35, D 2, L 3, F 176, A 17, GD +159, Pts 107
(Media Prediction: 2nd)
FA Cup: Fourth Round
Red Insure Cup: Final
Dorset Cup: Semi-Final
Head to Head
Sheriffs 1-3 Bandits – Southern League Division One South and West
Bandits 2-1 Sheriffs – Southern League Division One South and West
Bandits 4-1 Sheriffs – Dorset Cup Semi Final
Sheriffs 0-2 Bandits – Red Insure Cup Final 1st Leg
Bandits 2-0 Sheriffs – Red Insure Cup Final 2nd Leg
Bandits lead the Head to Head 5-0 (13-3 on goals)
Bandits report - Best and Worst
New records:
Pretty much everything
This season:
Best player – Striker 3, 8.84
Top scorer – Striker 3/Striker 1, 70
Worst player – Goalkeeper 1, 7.09
Remarkably, both Striker 1 and Striker 3 finish with the same massive goal tally, and mustered 69 assists between them as well in a remarkable season. Goalkeeper 1 is somewhat harshly judged the worst player, simply because he spent the majority of most games watching from the wrong end.
Sheriffs report - Best and Worst
New records:
Pretty much everything
This season:
Best player – Lazy Idiot Str, 8.23
Top scorer – Lazy Idiot Str, 52
Worst player – Lazy Idiot GK, 6.91
As with the Bandits, the keepers were largely untested throughout the season, but Lazy Idiot Str certainly has put himself in the shop window.
Finance and Staff
Barcelona and Real Madrid lead the way with the Sheriffs an impressive fourth with an estimated value of £227m. Weirdly, the Bandits are valued at just £18.25m, and are nowhere to be seen.
Rich Clubs
Bandits Balance – £17.5m, with a transfer budget of £9.6m.
Sheriffs Balance - £19.9m, with a transfer budget of £12.1m.
Former Manager Watch
No former managers.
Player reports - Starlets
Goalkeeper 1 (Paraguay)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 121: Apps 51, Conc 14, Cln 38, MoM 0, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 7.09
Notes: A youth international for Paraguay, he wasn't tested a great deal this season in the Bandits goal, but big things are expected as they rise up the divisions. CA rises an impressive 21.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Goalkeeper 2 (Brunei)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 99: Apps 6, Conc 1, Cln 5, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.47
Notes: Plays second fiddle to Goalkeeper 1 all season, and as a result doesn't play a great deal. Plays three times for Brunei.
Left Back 1 (Scotland)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 119: Apps 45 (2), Gls 1, Asts 14, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 8.09
Notes: Has a stunning season and sees his CA shoot up to 119 with a regular berth. Yet to feature on the international stage.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Left Back 2 (Romania)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 96: Apps 12 (2), Gls 1, Asts 3, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 8.33
Notes: Another player severely hampered in his development by a lack of playing time, he performs to a high level whenever called upon, but sits of the bench the majority of the time. Yet to make waves on the international front.
Right Back 1 (Ecuador)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 121: Apps 43 (1), Gls 2, Asts 14, MoM 1, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 8.20
Notes: What a season – after playing a pivotal role in the Bandit success, he plays his first six games for Ecuador and is already proving to be a crowd favourite. Improving his CA well.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Right Back 2 (Trinidad & Tobago)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 98: Apps 13 (7), Gls 1, Asts 6, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 8.13
Notes: Plays a decent amount of games for a reserve, and appears five time for his Caribbean country. However, his needs more game time.
Centre Back 1 (Switzerland)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 123: Apps 41 (3), Gls 10, Asts 6, MoM 3, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 8.09
Notes: A wonderful season, including reaching double figures for goals – an impressive achievement for a centre back. Has appeared four times for the Swiss Under 21 side.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Centre Back 2 (Anguilla)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 105: Apps 3, Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.60
Notes: Barely features for the Bandits, but does play four times for Anguilla, scoring a single goal.
Centre Back 3 (Martinique)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 126: Apps 35 (15), Gls 8, Asts 5, MoM 1, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.79
Notes: Played a decent amount for the Bandits but still spent more time coming off the bench than he would like. Another full international, he has played four times for Martinique.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Centre Back 4 (Tahiti)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 105: Apps 0 (1), Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg -
Notes: A frustrating domestic season, not able to make a single start, but he does succeed on the international stage, playing his first game for Tahiti and being named vice captain. Needs more games next season.
Left Mid 1 (Iceland)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 121: Apps 37 (9), Gls 25, Asts 34, MoM 2, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 8.21
Notes: Absolutely stunning. 25 goals and 34 assists is an extraordinary record for a winger, and he has also been noticed enough to make his debut for Iceland. Big things are afoot.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Left Mid 2 (East Timor)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 101: Apps 40, Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg -
Notes: Not a moment on the field for the Bandits this season, but two appearances (and two goals) for the East Timor Under 21s shows great promise.
Right Mid 1 (Bulgaria)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 118: Apps 22 (12), Gls 18, Asts 13, MoM 3, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.92
Notes: Spent the first half of the season as a substitute behind Hay, but shone after his rival was sold in January. Has appeared five times at Under 21 level for Bulgaria.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Right Mid 2 (Zanzibar)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 96: Apps 11 (2), Gls 4, Asts 5, MoM 1, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.79
Notes: Not a great campaign due to heavy competition, but plays twice for Zanzibar.
Defensive Mid 1 (Barbados)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 118: Apps 45 (3), Gls 10, Asts 19, MoM 0, YC 6, RC 0, Avg 8.04
Notes: A stunning season for a man who is primarily a defensive midfielder, but who showed his creative side superbly this campaign, averaging over 8.00. Has five goals in five games for Barbados.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Defensive Mid 2 (Sint Maarten)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 103: Apps 18 (2), Gls 3, Asts 9, MoM 1, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.77
Notes: Heavily overshadowed by his illustrious teammate, he does play well when required, and has already appeared four times for his tiny country.
Attacking Mid 1 (Haiti)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 123: Apps 41 (4), Gls 15, Asts 13, MoM 3, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 7.82
Notes: Involved in everything good that the Bandits did this season, he is a superb creative force in the centre of the park, and was also recognised at international level, scoring three goals in his six games.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Attacking Mid 2 (Turkmenistan)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 97: Apps 2, Gls 0, Asts 1, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.60
Notes: He will be hoping for some transfer movement in the summer, as at present he is not getting a look in for the Bandits. He actually plays far more for Turkmenistan, gaining ten caps and scoring twice.
Striker 1 (Tahiti)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 123: Apps 43 (10), Gls 70, Asts 36, MoM 12, YC 1, RC 0, Avg 8.42
Notes: Seventy goals and thirty six assists. Just let that sink in for a moment. One hundred and six goals that he directed contributed to. Absolutely remarkable stuff. Not only that, but he made his debut for Tahiti, who despite his tender age saw enough in him to give him the captain's armband.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Striker 2 (Paraguay)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 102: Apps 4 (9), Gls 5, Asts 2, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.34
Notes: Another who is having to bide his time because players who started out with a higher CA, but already a star in the Under 21 scene at international level, where he has scored seven times in five games.
Striker 3 (Estonia)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 123: Apps 45, Gls 70, Asts 33, MoM 18, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 8.84
Notes: Another insane record, with seventy goals and thirty three assists in a ridiculously impressive season, which sees him average a remarkable 8.84. Already has two caps for Estonia, with one goal.
Southern League Division One South and West (Bandits: 2012)
Red Insure Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Dorset Cup (Bandits: 2012)
Striker 4 (Comoros)
2011-12, Bandits, CA 101: Apps 22 (9), Gls 24, Asts 13, MoM 2, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 8.05
Notes: The first reserve on the teamsheet, he manages a very impressive 24 goals despite starting only 22 games – terrific stuff.
Player reports - Idiots
Driven Idiot GK (Belize)
2011-12, Sheriffs, CA 125: Apps 11, Conc 7, Cln 5, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 7.05
Notes: Doesn't get an awful lot of game time, but does play three times for Belize in a quiet first season.
Lazy Idiot GK (Mongolia)
2011-12, Sheriffs, CA150: Apps 52, Conc 28, Cln 36, MoM 0, YC 0, RC 0, Avg 6.91
Notes: With a great defence in front of him, isn't tasked with doing too much, but doesn't shine too brightly when he does. Still, he plays six times for his country.
Driven Idiot Def (Chinese Taipei)
2011-12, Sheriffs, CA 125: Apps 28 (1), Gls 1, Asts 6, MoM 1, YC 4, RC 1, Avg 7.92
Transfers to Sunderland for £400k
2011-12, Sunderland, CA 125: Apps 7, Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 2, RC 0, Avg 6.60
Notes: Was playing well for the Sheriffs when Sunderland came calling, but he hasn't had the best of starts there. Already has five caps for Chinese Taipei.
Lazy Idiot Def (Nigeria)
2011-12, Sheriffs, CA 150: Apps 49, Gls 7, Asts 14, MoM 1, YC 10, RC 0, Avg 7.91
Notes: A great season for the Sheriffs, but he needs to curb his tendency to fly into tackles – ten bookings suggests a player who is a little too reckless. He has already featured seven times for Nigeria.
Driven Idiot Mid (Wales)
2011-12, Sheriffs, CA 125: Apps 30, Gls 9, Asts 16, MoM 0, YC 5, RC 0, Avg 7.98
Transfers to Sunderland for £475k
2011-12, Sunderland, CA 125: Apps 12 (2), Gls 0, Asts 0, MoM 0, YC 3, RC 1, Avg 6.73
Notes: After engineering a move away from the Sheriffs after falling out with the manager, he moved to Sunderland where his performance level dropped. After picking up a stupid red card, he lost the plot at Martin O'Neill and is now demanding another transfer. He has one cap for Wales.
Lazy Idiot Mid (Congo)
2011-12, Sheriffs, CA 150: Apps 54, Gls 33, Asts 17, MoM 4, YC 10, RC 1, Avg 8.01
Notes: A stunning record for a midfielder, he is a major reason behind the success of the Sheriffs this season. He needs to curb his ragged tackling, however. Has played twice for Congo, scoring once.
Driven Idiot Str (Togo)
[B]2011-12, Sheriffs, CA 125: Apps 51 (2), Gls 43, Asts 29, MoM 7, YC 11, RC 1, Avg 8.00/B]
Notes: A fabulous season for the Togolese striker, who fired in 43 goals in a season that will live long in his memory. However, like many of the other idiots, he needs to stop flying wildly into tackles. Has played twice for Togo without scoring.
Lazy Idiot Str (Qatar)
2011-12, Sheriffs, CA 150: Apps 48, Gls 52, Asts 32, MoM 19, YC 12, RC 1, Avg 8.23
Notes: It is remarkable that the Sheriffs lost all five clashes with the Bandits despite their team playing so well throughout the season. Scores a huge amount of goals, but once again crosses the disciplinary line. Has three goals in six games for Qatar.
Competitions - England
Man Utd retained their title, finishing three points ahead of their city rivals, with Spurs and Liverpool filling out the top four. Arsenal and Chelsea had to settle for Europa League spots, but the performance of the season came from Swansea, who finished seventh.
At the bottom, the other two promoted sides – Norwich and QPR – went straight back down, along with Sunderland, along with their two idiots.
Arsenal did get some joy out of their poor domestic season, lifting the FA Cup after a 2-1 victory over Fulham in the final. Birmingham got the furthest of all the teams from outside the Premiership, reaching the semi-finals after knocking Man City out in the quarter-finals. Elsewhere, the Sheriffs were the non-league stars, reaching the fourth round.
The League Cup was an all Manchester affair, with United again coming out on top with a 2-1 victory. Reading reached the semi-final and pushed City all the way before succumbing 4-3 on aggregate.
A stunning season for Man Utd was completed in the Champions League, with a 2-0 win over Chelsea in an all Premiership clash. All four English sides reached the quarter-finals, but any hopes of more than two progressing were denied when the draw pitted them all together. Surprisingly, both Barcelona and Real Madrid went out to Manchester clubs in the first knockout round.
The Europa League was won by Dortmund, who beat Dynamo Kiev 2-1 in the final. English interest was ended in the last sixteen when Stoke, Spurs and Fulham all crashed out.
Premiership Analysis - Reputation
(league position in bold)
1 (-). Man Utd (1) – 9362
2 (-). Chelsea (6) – 9145
3 (-). Man City (2) – 8600
4 (-). Arsenal (5) – 8350
5 (-). Liverpool (4) – 8200
6 (-). Tottenham (3) – 7950
7 (-). Newcastle (14) – 7100
8 (-). Everton (11) – 6950
9 (-). Aston Villa (10) – 6900
10 (-). Fulham 8() – 6690
11 (-). Stoke (12) – 6300
12 (-). Bolton (13) – 6250
12 (-). West Brom (9) – 6250
14 (-). Wigan (15) – 6236
15 (-). Blackburn (17) – 6200
15 (-). Wolves (16) – 6200
17 (-). Swansea (7) – 6150
18 (-). Sunderland (19) – 5398
20 (-). Norwich (18) – 5228
Promoted sides
Southampton – 6380
Crystal Palace – 6130
Reading – 6130
Bandits – 1188 (+188)
Sheriffs – 1063 (+63)
Man Utd cement their position at the top, while Chelsea retain second despite a poor league campaign, largely thanks to a run to the Champions League final. Of the promoted sides, Southampton look best placed to stay up.
Overachievers : Swansea
Underachievers : Chelsea, Newcastle
Title Prediction : Man Utd to remain at the top
Relegation Prediction : Wolves to join Crystal Palace and Reading in relegation
Competitions – Around the world
Your annual guide to the major competition winners from across the globe:
[number in brackets after a win indicates how many consecutive wins that club has now had]
World Club Cup – Barcelona
Champions League – Man Utd
UEFA Cup – Dortmund
Premiership – Man Utd (Relegated – Norwich, Sunderland, QPR, Promoted – Southampton, Crystal Palace, Reading)
FA Cup – Arsenal
League Cup – Man Utd
Ligue 1 – Lyon (Relegated – Evian, Saint Etienne, Ajaccio, Promoted – Monaco, Lens, Sedan)
Coupe de France – Nice
Coupe de la Ligue – Marseille (3)
Bundesliga – Bayern Munich (Relegated – Gladbach, Hertha, Promoted – Frankfurt, 1860 Munich)
DFB-Pokal – Hoffenheim
Serie A – Napoli (Relegated – Lecce, Cesena, Parma, Promoted – Sampdoria, Torino, TBD)
Italian Cup – Atalanta
La Liga – Barcelona (4) (Relegated – Granada, Racing, Rayo, Promoted – Celta, Gimnastic, TBD)
Copa del Rey – Sporting
World Cup – n/a
African Cup of Nations – Cameroon
Asian Cup – n/a
European Championships – n/a
Gold Cup – n/a
Oceania Nations Cup – n/a
Copa America – n/a
Confederations Cup – n/a
Olympics – n/a
Napoli are the surprise winner of Serie A, while Barcelona win the Spanish League by a remarkable 21 points.
What a season for the Bandits. Forty wins from forty in the league, and two non-league cup victories. The Sheriffs did just fine too, despite losing all five games to the Bandits – promoted through the playoffs, and a terrific run to the fourth round of the FA Cup.
No movement amongst the starlets, although their reputations will have been enhanced this season. Two idiots have already left to join Sunderland, but didn't help – both played poorly and they got relegated from the Premiership, although they did get a massive wage hike. More may leave this summer.
The European Championships are next – Spain will go in as favourites, but it will not be long until the starlets and idiots gatecrash the party.
Starlets and Idiots
World View – Club Reputation
The top twenty clubs in the world, based on their reputation:
1 (1). Barcelona – 9550 (-)
2 (3). Man Utd – 9362 (+212)
3 (2). Real Madrid – 9300 (-)
4 (4). Chelsea – 9145 (+95)
5 (5). Bayern Munich – 8900 (-)
6= (6=). AC Milan – 8850 (-)
6= (6=). Inter – 8850 (-)
8 (8). Juventus – 8650 (-)
9 (9). Man City – 8600 (-)
10 (10). Porto – 8500 (-)
11 (11). Arsenal – 8350 (-)
12= (12=). Liverpool – 8200 (-)
12= (12=). Roma – 8200 (-)
14= (14=). Lyon – 8150 (-)
14= (14=). Benfica – 8150 (-)
14= (14=). Corinthians – 8150 (-)
17 (17). Sao Paulo – 8100 (-)
18= (18=). Paris St Germain – 8000 (-)
18= (18=). Valencia – 8000 (-)
18= (18=). Atletico Madrid – 8000 (-)
18= (18=). Schalke – 8000 (-)
18= (18=). Marseille – 8000 (-)
18= (18=). Flamengo – 8000 (-)
18= (18=). Sporting – 8000 (-)
Dropping out:
It appears that the club reputations in countries outside of playable leagues don't update until the season changeover. This snapshot is on the last day of May 2012, and is largely unchanged from the July data.
World View - Ones to watch
Your annual guide to the stars of tomorrow:
James Manton (Crewe/England, 16, ST, 89-200) is the first regen to appear with 200 PA, and starts with a decent CA at the age of 16. He started making waves in League Two this season, scoring four times in his seven appearances, and could be absolutely huge if his head is screwed on, which is appears to be.
Previous tips
World View - World beaters
Lionel Messi (Barcelona/Argentina, 24, AM RLC/FC, 198-199). Gains three points of CA and moves inexorably towards his massive potential. 29 goals in another terrific season.
Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid/Portugal, 27, AM RL/ST, 191-193). Gains a single point of CA too, but sees Messi disappear into the distance. Has a minimum fee release clause of £870m. Yes, really.
Number of 190+ CA players : 2
Number of 180+ CA players : 9 (+3)
Number of 170+ CA players : 42 (+7)
Number of 190+ PA players :11 (+6) (excluding starlets and idiots)
Number of 180+ PA players : 76 (+15) (excluding starlets and idiots)
Number of 170+ PA players : 254 (+43) (excluding starlets and idiots)
Already it seems that the database changes throughout the experiment will mirror FM09, with a rapid increase of players will potential to be top stars. In FM09, the number doubled in a few years, suggesting that the original database and the regen system didn't balance out.
World View - Distribution of 180+ CA players
The clubs
Barcelona and Read Madrid have the only two 190+ players, and are the only two clubs with two world stars. No surprise there really.Code:Team Number of stars Barcelona 2 (-) (198, 184) Real Madrid 2 (-) (191, 183) Man Utd 1 (-) (183) Bayern Munich 1 (-) (182) Lyon 1 (-) (182) Man City 1 (-) (180) Liverpool 1 (-) (180) Total 9 (-)
The leagues
The Spanish and English leagues still hold the majority of the world stars, with Serie A noticeably absent from the list.Code:Country Stars Spain 4 (-) England 3 (-) Germany 1 (-) France 1 (-) Total 9 (-)
The nationalities
Not surprising to see defending World and European champions Spain topping the list ahead of the summer's European Championships.Code:Country Stars Spain 3 (-) Argentina 1 (-) Portugal 1 (-) England 1 (-) Germany 1 (-) France 1 (-) Ivory Coast 1 (-) Total 9 (-)
World View - Starlet and Idiot Nationality Rankings
11 (61). 1023 (+509) - Scotland (Left Back 1 – 0 caps)
24 (43). 848 (+212) - Nigeria (Lazy Idiot Def – 7 caps)
40 (26). 683 (-122) - Paraguay (Goalkeeper 1 – 0 caps, Striker 2 – 0 caps)
46 (87). 623 (+243) - Trinidad & Tobago (Right Back 2 – 5 caps)
47 (53). 613 (+41) - Romania (Left Back 2 – 0 caps)
51 (30). 587 (-192) - Switzerland (Centre Back 1 – 0 caps)
74 (89). 455 (+85) - Qatar (Lazy Idiot Str – 6 caps)
75 (48). 444 (-155) - Bulgaria (Right Mid 1 – 0 caps)
84 (113). 403 (+130) - Wales (Driven Idiot Mid – 1 cap)
93 (67). 352 (-127) - Ecuador (Right Back 1 – 6 caps)
97 (79). 333 (-67) - Estonia (Striker 3 – 2 caps)
107 (123). 295 (+55) - Togo (Driven Idiot Str – 2 caps)
109 (145). 292 (+135) - Barbados (Defensive Mid 1 – 5 caps)
114 (148). 281 (+135) - Belize (Driven Idiot GK – 3 caps)
136 (124). 206 (-33) - Congo (Lazy Idiot Mid – 2 caps)
138 (175). 203 (+122) - Comoros (Striker 4 – 0 caps)
146 (121). 181 (-63) - Iceland (Left Mid 1 – 1 cap)
150 (138). 173 (-4) - Turkmenistan (Attacking Mid 2 – 10 caps)
157 (163). 156 (+50) - Mongolia (Lazy Idiot GK – 6 caps)
171 (166). 119 (+23) - Chinese Taipei (Driven Idiot Def – 5 caps)
173 (117). 109 (-147) - Haiti (Attacking Mid 1 – 6 caps)
177 (198). 97 (+88) - Brunei (Goalkeeper 2 – 3 caps)
185 (182). 66 (+9) - Tahiti (Centre Back 4 – 1 cap, Striker 1 – 1 cap)
186 (200). 63 (+57) - Anguilla (Centre Back 2 – 4 caps)
198 (202). 38 (+35) - East Timor (Left Mid 2 – 0 caps)
N/A (-). 0 - Martinique (Centre Back 3 – 4 caps)
N/A (-). 0 - Zanzibar (Right Mid 2 – 2 caps)
N/A (-). 0 - Sint Maartan (Defensive Mid 2 – 4 caps)
Scotland make enormous strides from 61st to 11th in the world rankings, without any help from their starlet, largely because they successfully finished second in a European Championship qualifying group that including Spain, Denmark and Czech Rep, and then won the playoff against Turkey. Most impressively, they beat Spain 2-1 away from home to secure that spot.


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Home > Food > Recipes > Blueberry Muffins
Blueberry Muffins
Categories: Comfort Foods, Kid-friendly, Quick to fix, Sweet
Type: Desserts and Baked Goods
Type: Desserts and Baked Goods
Whip up a batch of these muffins for a special treat.
Prep Time: 15M
Cooking Time: 20M
Serves: Makes 12
- 31/2 tbsp butter, melted and cooled slightly
- 21/4 cups self-rising flour
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 6 tbsp granulated sugar
- finely grated zest of 1 lemon (optional)
- salt
- 1 cup plain yogurt
- 2 large eggs, lightly beaten
- 11/2 cups blueberries
Save Recipe
Add to shopping list
- Preheat the oven to 400°F (200°C). Line a 12-cup muffin tin with paper liners. Sift the flour and baking powder into a large bowl, then mix in the sugar, lemon zest, and a pinch of salt. Make a well in the center.
- Mix the yogurt, eggs, and butter in a bowl, then pour into the dry ingredients, along with the blueberries. Fold together lightly, just until combined; don't overmix or the muffins will be heavy. Don't worry if a few lumps remain in the batter.
- Spoon evenly into the muffin cups and bake for 20 minutes or until risen and golden. Cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then serve warm or let cool to room temperature.
- Use raspberries instead of blueberries, or orange zest instead of lemon.
- These muffins are best eaten the same day they're made, preferably when still warm from the oven.
excerpted from:
Excerpted from The Illustrated Quick Cook.
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley Limited.
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Definition of corvine
: of or relating to the crows : resembling a crow
Did You Know?
Few people crow about "corvine" - it's not often you'll come across the word - but it has been part of the English language since the mid-17th century. Like most taxonomic terms, "corvine" has a purely Latin pedigree. Corvine is from Latin corvinus, which in turn is from Latin corvus, meaning "raven." (The word raven itself is from the Old English term "hræfn," which is akin to "hraban," the Old High German word for "raven," and also to "corvus.") Another word from "corvus" is "cormorant," which refers to a dark-colored seabird and comes from Old French words meaning "raven" and "of the sea."
Origin and Etymology of corvine
Latin corvinus, from corvus raven — more at raven
First Known Use: circa 1656
Rhymes with corvine
A-line, affine, airline, align, alkyne, alpine, assign, at sign, balkline, baseline, beeline, benign, bloodline, blue line, blush wine, bovine, bowline, branchline, breadline, bright-line, buntline, bustline, byline, call sign, canine, caprine, carbine, carmine, cervine, chow line, clothesline, cloud nine, coastline, combine, compline, condign, confine, consign, cosign, cutline, dateline, deadline, decline, define, design, divine, dragline, driveline, earthshine, Einstein, eiswein, end line, enshrine, entwine, equine, ethyne, fall line, fault line, feline, ferine, first-line, flatline, flight line, foul line, fräulein, frontline, front line, goal line, gold mine, grapevine, guideline, hairline, hard-line, hard pine, headline, hemline, high sign, hipline, Holbein, hotline, ice wine, incline, indign, in fine, in-line, Irvine, jawline, jug wine, landline, land mine, lang syne, lifeline, load line, longline, lupine, mainline, main line, malign, midline, moline, moonshine, neckline, off-line, old-line, online, opine, outline, outshine, ovine, Pauline, peace sign, Petrine, pipeline, piscine, pitch pine, plotline, plumb line, plus sign, pontine, porcine, potline, pound sign, propine, punch line, rapine, recline, redline, red pine, refine, reline, repine, resign, Rhine wine, ridgeline, roofline, Sabine, saline, Scotch pine, scrub pine, setline, shoreline, short line, sideline, sight line, skyline, snow line, soft-line, spring line, straight-line, strandline, straw wine, streamline, strip mine, strychnine, subline, sunshine, supine, syncline, taurine, tie-line, times sign, topline, touchline, towline, tramline, trapline, tree line, trephine, trotline, truckline, trunk line, tumpline, turbine, untwine, ursine, vespine, V sign, vulpine, waistline, white line, white pine, white wine, woodbine, yard line, zebrine, Z line
Seen and Heard
What made you want to look up corvine? Please tell us where you read or heard it (including the quote, if possible).


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Hello Forum,
I guess you already know that the NN5 is a very versatile product.
Although the swingarm is suited for long lenses I rarely use the full length of it until recently.....
With a QTop quickmount mounted on the camera adapter of the swingarm I can make a nadir patch very easy and very fast.
All I have to do after I shot the roundshots and zenith shot is to swing the camera outside the NPP position to the front position, turn the camera in the QTop, shift the camera adapter to the end of the swingarm and take the offset nadir shot(s). The QTop has 12 fixed positions so it is easy to turn the camera 90 degrees for the offset nadir shot.
I can choose to shoot from the same tripod position or to move the tripod just outside the original position.
When the tripod is not moved then I have to retouche the end of the tripod legs out of nadir, with a repositioned tripod the offset is much larger and it can be more difficult to patch the nadir shot but then retouching is not necessary because the legs are masked out. My preferred method is to replace the tripod just outside the original position.
Here are 4 images of the setup with the round shots position, the NPP nadir position and the offset nadir position :
Of course it is also possible to use a QTop with a NN3 but the swingarm of that model is shorter so it could be that the offset is not enough to cover all the space between the tripod legs with 1 shot.
If the tripod is repositioned just outside the original position then there is no difference in the results between a NN5 and NN3.
Some extra info about the use of the offset nadir shot position


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At the end of the movie, when Leonidas knows he is going to die, he tells Dilios to go back and tell everybody what happened. He also takes some sort of braid or string out of the back of his hair and tells Dilios to give it to Queen Gorgo, which Dilios does. Queen Gorgo then puts it around her son's neck as a necklace. Does anyone who knows something about ancient Spartan culture to know what the significance of this item was? Also, why was Leonidas wearing it as a braid, while his son wears it as a necklace?
I don't know if it is ancient culture or not, but that necklace was given to him by his wife right before his departure for the hot gates. I believe the reason he gives it back is as a way to tell his wife he is gone.
I'm going to attribute it to the most powerful force in the universe -- Plot. It's a way to represent communication between Leonidas and Gorgo as well as a mechanism to 'pass the baton' to his son.
I shall further speculate that it was worn as a braid rather than a necklace so as not to interfere with visual of a ripped and oily Gerard Butler jumping and slashing all about.
While it would be awesome if it were some sort of manifestation of a Spartan ritual, the movie (even more so than the graphic novel) is so far afield from actual Spartan history, it's a surprise they still called them Spartans.
My answer is that it represents the bond and relationship of somebody you have a deep respect, admiration, and affection for. A way to honor the blessings of somebody very special.
He knew he was going to die and didn't know how to tell her goodbye, it even says in the movie "what should I tell her?" "nothing that need be said" and Spartans aren't supposed to show weakness so that was their way of telling each other they loved each other and in the end maybe she just wanted to pass something on to their son from his father.
IIRC the neckalace his wife hands him is actually a claw or fang from the creature that Leonidas kills in the beginning of the film. I think he gave it to his wife to show his prowess as hunter/fighter. She in return gave it to him to remind him of this feat as an encouragement to return as a victor.


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|Find Greenlight on:
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The Drowned Life (Paperback)
There is a town that brews a strange intoxicant from a rare fruit called the deathberry—and once a year a handful of citizens are selected to drink it. . . .
There is a life lived beneath the water—among rotted buildings and bloated corpses—by those so overburdened by the world's demands that they simply give up and go under. . . .
In this mesmerizing blend of the familiar and the fantastic, multiple award-winning New York Times notable author Jeffrey Ford creates true wonders and infuses the mundane with magic. In tales marked by his distinctive, dark imagery and fluid, exhilarating prose, he conjures up an annual gale that transforms the real into the impossible, invents a strange scribble that secretly unites a significant portion of society, and spins the myriad dreams of a restless astronaut and his alien lover. Bizarre, beautiful, unsettling, and sublime, The Drowned Life showcases the exceptional talents of one of contemporary fiction's most original artists.
About the Author
Jeffrey Ford is the author of three previous story collections and eight previous novels, including the Edgar(r) Award-winning The Girl in the Glass and the Shirley Jackson Award-winning The Shadow Year. A former professor of writing and early American literature, Ford now writes full-time in Ohio, where he lives with his wife.
Praise For…
"The 16 stories in this collection are a perfect introduction to Ford's work and illustrate the vast range of his imagination…If you haven't discovered Ford, it's time you did. His carefully crafted novels and short stories are all top-notch. Grade: A."
-Rocky Mountain News


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The 7 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Propaganda Campaigns
#3. Britain Convinces Germany That Carrots Give You Powers
Of course, boasting about military strength is what you do to prevent war. But once war has started, you want to do the opposite -- you want to hide your true capabilities from the enemy, so they can't counteract them. So, for instance, during World War II the British were in that position of being the proverbial guy who has to convince the other guys he has a small dick.
"I need tweezers to masturbate."
During the Battle of Britain, the Germans started noticing that a crapload of their planes were getting shot down in instances where the British shouldn't have seen them coming. It was almost like they had some sort of radio device that could detect the presence of incoming objects -- actually, it was exactly that: Britain had perfected the radar and didn't tell anyone about it. Obviously the Brits couldn't let the Germans know they had access to this new technology, otherwise they could bomb the shit out of it or, even worse, try to create their own Nazi version. With the Germans getting increasingly suspicious, something needed to be done fast.
Britain's solution? Carrots.
British papers published a story about a RAF pilot called John "Cat Eyes" Cunningham who had shot down 20 enemy planes thanks to his superhuman night vision, an ability he achieved by eating lots of carrots. Other carrot-eating pilots followed, and soon the British government began publicizing the fact that carrots improve night vision -- which, of course, is complete bullshit. Carrots might help your vision not get worse, but they won't make it any better either. The pilots were winning the war thanks to radar technology, not by eating filthy plants.
Next - how bread crusts make your hair curly while actually it's just your terrible genes.
Still, the propaganda campaign worked so well that the British people began growing and eating their own carrots so that they could see better during the blackouts (running-into-walls related deaths went up 70 percent that year). The authorities knew they were lying, but it was all part of the ruse to fool the Germans. And as a result, some of you reading this had your mothers tell you to eat your carrots, because they were good for your eyes. All thanks to one bullshit propaganda campaign.
The Telegraph
"Don't worry, our housewives are way better at picking out BS than the Nazi High Command."
#2. Soviet Russia Was Not Afraid of a Little Ludicrous Exaggeration
The USSR's Stakhanovite Movement followed a pretty simple ideal: encouraging workers to over-achieve at their jobs out of love for the fatherland, by following the example of one great worker. The greatest Stakhanovites even received medals for "Soviet Valor" and were personally greeted by Stalin at the Kremlin.
Here's the thing, though: it was all bullshit.
The movement got its name from Aleksei Grigorievich Stakhanov, who in 1935 became a celebrity by breaking the highly specific record for amount of coal mined in 5 hours and 45 minutes with the winning total of... 102 tons.
If that sounds like a lot, you don't know that half of it. That's the equivalent of lifting the weight of three elephants per hour, or nine Honda Civics. One guy.
That's one elephant every 20 minutes, or the time taken for someone to Photoshop this.
Stakhanov's record exceeded the daily average for a normal, human minor by 1,400 percent, which meant he was clearly some sort of Russian Superman. Even the Americans were impressed by his coal-shoveling powers, as evidenced by the fact that he made the cover of Time Magazine.
"Cover story: Absolutely Fucking Nothing Happened this Week. Also Unicorns."
Of course, this was all part of a propaganda campaign: the mine was actually giving Stakhanov credit for the work of the whole mine, not just himself. Basically, by agreeing to become the poster boy for a new state campaign he was fucking his co-workers over, since they now had to follow his impossible standards once Stakhanovism became a thing. Anyone who spoke up against the unfair conditions was labeled a betrayer.
"You're supposed to work around the bodies."
And then shit got really stupid: a few months later, another worker called Nikita Izotov shattered Stakhanov's record by hewing 240 tons in the same amount of time, which at this point is 10 or 15 times what the real record probably was. It's like a guy claiming to have scored 1,300 points in a basketball game. And other sources claim it was actually 607 tons, but it might as well have been 5,000, since it was a fake record anyway. Basically, whoever could think of the highest number won.
Nikita Izotov, having just mined eleventy billion tons.
Stakhanovism found its way to other industries like automobile, textile, timber, railroad, agriculture and even shoe-making. Since the whole thing was Stalin's baby, though, as soon as the guy died all of it was officially declared bullshit.
#1. North Korea Declares War On Long Hair
Oh, North Korea. No list about crazy propaganda would be complete without you. So what did they do this time? Well, see for yourself:
In case you couldn't tell what was going on in that video (which would speak well of your mental health), that's North Korea's hit TV show Let's Trim Our Hair in Accordance With the Socialist Lifestyle (an actual thing), part of an ambitious propaganda campaign exclusively devoted to fighting the evils of long hair while informing people of the acceptable hairstyles. Here are two examples of state-sanctioned hairdos, as shown on Korean TV:
"These men are pictured from the neck up. Because they're chest deep in bitches."
According to the campaign, not only does long hair embody capitalism, it also decreases intelligence by robbing the brain of essential nutrients. Presumably they're not encouraging Koreans to completely shave their heads because a race of super-intelligent beings would be a lot harder to oppress. Men must keep a hair length between 1cm and 5cm, and must have it cut every 15 days. If they don't, they run the risk of being named and ridiculed on national TV.
You see, the campaign actually spanned several shows, one of which involved a fun reality TV aspect: hidden cameras would catch unsuspecting people whose hair did not fit the state's specifications, giving out their names and addresses as punishment. A North Korean equivalent of Ashton Kutcher would then come out and harshly confront them and demand explanations with a stern, disappointed expression. A lot of people would escape as soon as they saw him, possibly crying in fear.
"... and bitchin' sunglasses."
The campaign did allow men over 50 to have hair longer than 7cm so that they can hide their baldness (they are not monsters) while offering no justification whatsoever for Kim Jong Il's shameful past.
Top News
To be fair he didn't find out he wasn't a woman until he turned 41.
Catch more of Danny Vittore on his Twitter, Blog or just plain badger him at firstname.lastname@example.com
For more terrible pieces of propaganda, check out 6 Acts of Propaganda That Backfired Hilariously and The 17 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Propaganda Posters.


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I mean is it really such a common desire/requirement? Or is someone out there trolling SO on a huge scale?
migrated from meta.stackexchange.com Apr 27 '14 at 19:11
This question came from our discussion, support, and feature requests site for meta-discussion of the Stack Exchange family of Q&A websites.
Wanting to parse HTML is common. People think it should be easy. And they know a little bit about RegEx. And it just seems like the perfect fit because they've used it for smaller input. Regular languages isn't in their vocabulary. They don't understand what that means. They just know that HTML is a language, so clearly it should work!
Because processing HTML is a common need, and normally people parse strings using regular expressions, so they naturally try to do the same with HTML. Then they run into problems, for obvious reasons
Because when a developer first starts to figure out the power of Regular Expressions, they can get a little over excited. I certainly went through a phase where I wanted to write my own parsers for everything.
But I think "why do they come up so often" isn't as important as "what should we do about them."
A comment made by @bgould on the question Big Regular expression help struck a chord with me:
A lot of these questions are directed to the ever-popular RegEx match open tags except XHTML self-contained tags but that question-answer isn't useful to an OP because it's more of a cultural phenomenon than an answer. I'm not saying there isn't useful information there; I'm saying that most OPs directed that way - who are new enough to not know that they shouldn't parse (X)HTML with RegEx - won't see the answer through the fun and the horror. Then they don't get the answer they should get and that affects SO's raison d'être.
Additionally, those users who find that question while checking if their question would be a duplicate may just ask again if they don't understand it, or it doesn't offer as concise an answer as they need.
So I think we need to answer these questions or find a better answer to direct them to, which focuses on communicating the point as opposed to the use of poetry and Unicode.
Is someone trolling out there on a huge scale? No
However, the most viewed question on stackoverflow is on this topic - with 1.1 million views (8-1-14):
RegEx match open tags except XHTML self-contained tags
Why is this the most viewed question? Well for different reasons.
Wanting to parse HTML is common because if you know a little bit about both, it seems like a good match at first.
That doesn't justify the amount of traffic generated in relation to this topic - I believe the real reason is because of the embellished accepted answer on the top viewed question. It - like many things on the internet - has taken on a life of its own.
It's become a joke... an internet fad.
I asked my co worker a few weeks ago if I could parse HTML with regex. At first he couldn't tell that I was trolling him - he became very animated and laughed at me - and then continued to tell me how bad of an idea it was.
Has he ever even needed to parse HTML? No - he works primary with python and R.
The point is that people LOVE showing that they know something that others don't - and people also love a spectacle. For some reason this internet fad has an element of both.
I was going to rant on stackoverflow, but being the better man I chose meta stackoverflow.
The answer is because the FUD of being unable to parse html with regex is circulated around by
Now I get what they are saying, at least what the computer science experts are saying, in that regular expressions are not a good match for parsing hierarchically structured languages, but when extracting data, most of the time you aren't parsing hierarchical structures, you are indeed matching a repeating pattern in a piece of text with parts that contain your target data.
CSS/Xpath parsing does have its advantages in that it can sometimes be even simpler than regex parsing. I even wrote a sample C++11 web crawler that uses curl to crawl pages while storing sessions and utilizes the beautiful hcxselect library to parse the html pages visited using css.
The whole point of regex is being able to validate a subcategory of domain specific language texts or extract useful information from said texts using subgroups of repetitive patterns. The latter being ubiquitous in data science and API building. [citation not needed for anyone with enough parsing experience]
Seriously, I have no idea why computer scientists are being such nerds and programming noobs are being such bitches on this subject. The longer and more specific your regular expression is, the lower the chance of mis-extracting useful information from hierarchic data, which shows up in your goddamn tests anyway. It's not like you're gonna go "duuh I'm not getting some of the data with regex, it's too complicated for me, uh well, it compiles so ship it".
And don't even get me started on the amount of bugs you can accrue with xpath and css parsing, not to mention what an API change (ie. when a pointy haired boss gets tired of how the company website looks) will do to your neatly hierarchical code which could have been Flat and Maintainable.
And what time have you lost trying to parse your data with regex? Just the time to write those regexes and test them, which, frankly is not that long if you are good at them, are using good test data representative of the real task and are using the correct tools that highlight your matches and show matched regex groups anyway.
So yeah, for many cases you don't need "the html noob pack" or the "nokogiri xpath css matcher" which will give you an exact match for your groups and subgroups of data, you can simply extract it from flat expressions.
So if possible, use a clever regex and match subgroups to extract your goddamn data. And yes, the turkish guy with bajillion-times-upvoted stackoverflow answer is hilarious, but apparently in that post he doesn't appreciate fine vocabulary or thoughtfulness more than creating internet memes.
My honest opinion is that people take what they know about coding (string searching functions, RegEx, etc.) and try to find a way to parse HTML.
It definitely is not recommended, time consuming and HTML is never guaranteed to be valid (tag wise). I would recommend using the HTML agility pack


text:
Event date
Full Address
108 Emerald Rock Road.
The Clubhouse
Varies for each event
Contact Phone Number
(336) 381-3521
A family benefit dinner will be held on Nov. 3rd. Saturday at 12pm in honor of Mary Catherine Kirby. There will be food, games, music, auctions, and raffles. Fun for everyone. All donations for funeral service expenses will be greatly appreciated.
R .I.P Mary Catherine Kirby. You are truly missed.


text:
I am just starting GTD, and trying to setup my system, but I am confused about where/how to keep projects.
Are projects stored as reference material?
What about Project planning? Would this be in another set of task lists? 1 list per project. Let's say I have 3 projects, do I take the first "next action" from each project task list and bring those to my "next actions" list? Ending with a next action list looking like this
- project A, task1 (@work)
- project B, task1 (@work)
- project C, task1 (@home)


text:
An eastern Kentucky man plans to use an insanity defense to charges he threatened to kill the federal judge and attorneys involved a child pornography case that landed his father in federal prison.
Defense attorney Willis Coffey filed a notice of defense Tuesday in federal court for 18-year-old Michael A. Collins.
U.S. Marshals in Lexington arrested Collins of Greenup County on Friday. Deputy Marshal Rick Kelley wrote in an affidavit that Collins plotted to shoot judge David Bunning and others because they handled the case of his father, who pleaded guilty to a charge of receiving child pornography.
Kelley wrote that Collins never carried out an attack, which he discussed with people at the Appalachian Challenge Academy in Harlan.
U.S. Magistrate Judge Hanley Ingram ordered Collins involuntarily committed for treatment.


text:
Is the energy carried by gravitational radiation a viable candidate for $\Lambda$ / dark energy?
Nope. Gravitational radiation is a kind of radiation and it has a completely different equation of state than the cosmological constant.
The cosmological constant has pressure equal to the energy density with a minus sign, $p=-\rho$: the stress-energy tensor is proportional to the metric tensor so the spatial and temporal diagonal components only differ by the sign. Radiation has $p=+\rho/3$, much like for photons. Most of the energy density of the Universe has $p/\rho = -1$; that's what we know from observations because the expansion accelerates. A radiation-dominated Universe wouldn't accelerate (and didn't accelerate: our Universe was indeed radiation-dominated when it was much younger than today).
The ratio $p/\rho$ must be between $-1$ and $+1$ because of the energy conditions (or because the speed of sound can't exceed the speed of light). The $-1$ bound is saturated by the cosmological constant, the canonical realization of "dark energy"; $-2/3$ and $-1/3$ comes from hypothetical cosmic domain walls and cosmic strings, respectively; $0$ is the dust, i.e. static particles; $+1/3$ is radiation; and higher ratios may be obtained for "somewhat unrealistic" types of matter such as the dense black hole gas for which it is $+1$. This ratio determines the acceleration rate as a function of the Hubble constant.


text:
I have coded few lines of java script code. But I am not sure that it is correct or not. Few months back I published a desktop version website. but when a user coming through a mobile (like android, iPhone or may be windows phone), I want to redirect a new path. Here is the code:
// JavaScript Document
var uAgent = navigator.userAgent.toLowerCase();
if(uAgent.indexOf("android") > -1 || uAgent.indexOf("iphone") > -1 || uAgent.indexOf("windows phone") > -1) {
window.location = "http://website path will come here.";
Is it the correct code?