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The Lies of Locke Lamora
by Scott Lynch
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After finally dragging myself through GRRM's last two published first drafts, I'd hoped to never read the terms "night soil" or "smallclothes" again. Optimism! What a dumb concept!
Somehow I ended up with a copy of the British version, which changed all the assholes to arseholes. I know some people like to get upset when their precious Londonne-Towne spellings are altered for American barbarism, but it goes both ways, nerds.
But hey, the story was pretty good. When reading books that need maps, I always appreciate a lack of dragons, elves, and deus-ex-machina magic shenanigans. Also, thank you, Scott Lynch, for deigning to include a real ending, unlike certain other fantasy brickmakers.
loved this - exuberant & fun
2016 re-read: This book is excellent at world building, and defines swashbuckling. The story is told in a bitty way, the narrative interspersed with flashbacks to Locke Lamora's childhood, and training by Father Chains. The present say narrative encompasses an elaborate con on Don & Dona Salvara, a plot by the Grey King to overthrow the master of all the Right People, Capa Barsavi, and the mysterious Spider and the Midnighters. It is well thought out, with enough hints of a deeper story arc to come to make you wish for more and more.
The Lies of Locke Lamora is a cracking fantasy-adventure story. It has endearingly roguish protagonists, lots of clever (and funny) dialogue and plenty of plot twists and turns, as befitting a story about a bunch of con-men (the Gentlemen Bastards). You never know what's going to happen next: who's going to be caught, who's going to turn up dead, who's going to get away with the loot. This makes it a fantastic page-turner: an excellent example of the art of populist storytelling. It even has a good old-fashioned swordfight (but with a notable and excellent twist) as the vicious revenge rampage reaches Inigo Montoya territory.
It's all incredibly good fun, but what's even more commendable is that it never compromises on substance when flouting all its impressive style. The fantasy elements – the world-building, the strange names and substances and locations – are present but never hinder the smooth running of the plot. Lynch has that knack of slipping all his lore into the dialogue and the descriptions with the same artful dexterity with which one of his Bastards might pickpocket an unfortunate mark. It's a great way to overcome the problems one can often have when first immersing oneself in a fantasy book. Sometimes, readers can struggle to adapt to the new worlds crafted for them; Lynch has created one which does not require a great deal of effort to slip into initially, but nevertheless fleshes out the world throughout the book so that by the end we have quite a detailed knowledge of the land of Camorr without much exertion on the reader's part. As someone who is occasionally daunted by the prospect of immersing oneself in a new fantasy world, I was particularly appreciative of Lynch's considerate approach.
You'll find other fantasy stories with greater depth, which balance their crowd-pleasing plots with strong hints towards a more nuanced exploration of the emotions of revenge, say, or the brotherhood of thieves. But you'll never feel those emotions with the same intensity as you do here. You are charmed by the brotherhood between the Gentlemen Bastards, and you burn with bloodlust as Locke goes about his revenge. The book has a brain, to be sure, but it is its heart which is larger. There's just this feeling you get when you read a great fantasy book that you just don't get from any other type of book, no matter how good it is. I think it's because the genre is ideally suited to appeal both to our adult self (the sophisticated lore, the labyrinthine plotlines, the grey morality) and to our inner child (the magic, the swordfights, the roguish characters). I got the full force of that uniquely exciting feeling when reading The Lies of Locke Lamora, and if you know what I'm talking about then it probably will do the same for you too.
This book is a rollercoaster ride of clever twists and fantastic characters. I loved it and will seek out more in this series.
So I am not even sure how to begin my review of this one. This is a book that took me a couple of weeks to read. Unlike my books of late, which I have consumed quickly and hardly taken a breath, this book took its time with me. Part of me thinks, could this have been my enjoyment of the book, but in reality I know that that could not be further from the truth. This is a book that needs to be consumed slowly. This is a book to savor, to enjoy and to truly immerse oneself in. The writing simply deserves the time.
I have heard this book compared to the Ocean's movies and I have to agree. It is difficult to summarize this book without giving too much of the story away. There are con artists, thieves, priests, nobles, dukes and even a spider. There is intrigue, lies, deception, elaborate costumes and disguises, and some wicked sorcery.
What I love is the ability to mix all of these qualities with a blend of murder and humor. Yes, humor. Scott Lynch is not one to shy away from killing off some key characters in this book, leaving you picking your jaw up off the floor. Pages later, I would find myself chuckling out loud in some much needed comic relief. The writing just rolled from emotion to emotion beautifully. I very much enjoyed the glimpses of the past while the story unfolded. These glimpses hold such critical clues that re-reading this book would make this book even more enjoyable. This, in particular, is very much like the Ocean's Eleven movie. You needed to go back and see all the hidden gems left along your journey to truly appreciate even more the path you have been taken down.
Locke is intriguing to say the least but it is the others in his merry band of Gentleman Bastards whom stole the show for me. Jean is masterful and one of his quotes and scenes will go down as likely my favorite from the book.
"Mark my words, bitch. I've been wondering how I'd feel when this moment finally came, and I have to say, I think I'm going to feel pretty fucking good.
What more can I say? Read it!!
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 055358894X, Mass Market Paperback)In this stunning debut, author Scott Lynch delivers the wonderfully thrilling tale of an audacious criminal and his band of confidence tricksters. Set in a fantastic city pulsing with the lives of decadent nobles and daring thieves, here is a story of adventure, loyalty, and survival that is one part Robin Hood, one part Ocean's Eleven, and entirely enthralling.…
An orphan's life is harsh–and often short–in the island city of Camorr, built on the ruins of a mysterious alien race. But born with a quick wit and a gift for thieving, Locke Lamora has dodged both death and slavery, only to fall into the hands of an eyeless priest known as Chains–a man who is neither blind nor a priest. A con artist of extraordinary talent, Chains passes his skills on to his carefully selected "family" of orphans–a group known as the Gentlemen Bastards. Under his tutelage, Locke grows to lead the Bastards, delightedly pulling off one outrageous confidence game after another. Soon he is infamous as the Thorn of Camorr, and no wealthy noble is safe from his sting.
Passing themselves off as petty thieves, the brilliant Locke and his tightly knit band of light-fingered brothers have fooled even the criminal underworld's most feared ruler, Capa Barsavi. But there is someone in the shadows more powerful–and more ambitious–than Locke has yet imagined.
Known as the Gray King, he is slowly killing Capa Barsavi's most trusted men–and using Locke as a pawn in his plot to take control of Camorr's underworld. With a bloody coup under way threatening to destroy everyone and everything that holds meaning in his mercenary life, Locke vows to beat the Gray King at his own brutal game–or die trying.…
From the Hardcover edition.
(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:16:32 -0400)
Vowing to bring down the crime boss running the city, a group of Gentlemen Bastards, led by Locke Lamora, sets out to beat the Capa at his own game, taking on other thieves, murderers, beggars, prostitutes, and thugs in the process.
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The effects of migration and drift on local adaptation to a heterogeneous environment
Version of Record online: 8 MAY 2012
DOI: 10.1111/j.1420-9101.2012.02524.x
© 2012 The Authors. Journal of Evolutionary Biology © 2012 European Society For Evolutionary Biology
Journal of Evolutionary Biology
Volume 25, Issue 7, pages 1351–1363, July 2012
Additional Information
How to Cite
BLANQUART, F., GANDON, S. and NUISMER, S. L. (2012), The effects of migration and drift on local adaptation to a heterogeneous environment. Journal of Evolutionary Biology, 25: 1351–1363. doi: 10.1111/j.1420-9101.2012.02524.x
Publication History
- Issue online: 12 JUN 2012
- Version of Record online: 8 MAY 2012
- Received 9 March 2012; accepted 24 March 2012
- dispersal;
- mean fitness;
- metapopulation;
- model;
- stochasticity;
- transplant experiments
Local adaptation experiments are widely used to quantify the levels of adaptation within a heterogeneous environment. However, theoretical studies generally focus on the probability of fixation of alleles or the mean fitness of populations, rather than local adaptation as it is commonly measured experimentally or in field studies. Here, we develop mathematical models and use them to generate analytical predictions for the level of local adaptation as a function of selection, migration and genetic drift. First, we contrast mean fitness and local adaptation measures and show that the latter can be expressed in a simple and general way as a function of the spatial covariance between population mean phenotype and local environmental conditions. Second, we develop several approximations of a population genetics model to show that the system exhibits different behaviours depending on the rate of migration. The main insights are the following: with intermediate migration, both genetic drift and migration decrease local adaptation; with low migration, drift decreases local adaptation but migration speeds up adaptation; with high migration, genetic drift has no effect on local adaptation. Third, we extend this analysis to cases where the trait under selection is continuous using classical quantitative genetics theory. Finally, we discuss these results in the light of recent experimental work on local adaptation.

subset: commoncrawl


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Report Paints Scathing Portrayal of Ex-AG Gonzales
As a result, current Attorney General Michael Mukasey appointed a special prosecutor to determine whether criminal charges should be brought against Gonzales and other Justice Department officials for the firings.
Department officials had said the firings were performance-related, but the report, by Justice Department Inspector General Glenn Fine and Office of Professional Responsibility Director H. Marshall Jarrett, found otherwise.
At least one of the fired U.S. attorneys, Paul Charlton, had a porn connection.
Some have speculated that Charlton may have balked at bringing an obscenity case against JM Productions and Five Star Video when revelations surfaced that the U.S. government, through the U.S. Trustee's Office of the Justice Department, had supervised the sale of the allegedly obscene titles while administering the bankruptcy of Arizona-based Castle Megastore.
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While the Justice Department report did not confirm nor deny Charlton's forced resignation in connection with obscenity cases, the Justice Department said that "the process used to remove the nine U.S. attorneys in 2006 was fundamentally flawed."
It also found that Kyle Sampson, Gonzales' chief of staff, had wrongly weighed "political support" in deciding whether to fire the nine. His claim that they were booted out for "underperformance" was "misleading."
The report, which found Gonzales "abdicated" his responsibility in the dismissals, said there was "substantial evidence that partisan political considerations played a part in the removal of several of the U.S. attorneys."
Gonzales last year was forced to resign as Attorney General following accusations of political bias from Democrats in Congress.
"At a minimum, the process by which nine U.S. attorneys were removed in 2006 was haphazard, arbitrary and unprofessional," Mukasey said in a press conference Monday.
The report, written by the Justice Department's inspector general, said former officials, including Karl Rove, a key Bush aide, and Harriet Miers, the White House Counsel, refused to be interviewed by the investigators. The White House also refused to turn over requested internal documents, hampering the investigation, it said.
Mukasey on Monday appointed a special prosecutor — Nora Dannehy, the acting U.S. attorney in Connecticut — to determine whether criminal charges should be brought against Gonzales and others.
Dannehy will be able to subpoena witnesses to help her investigation, something the authors of the report couldn't do.
The report specifically recommends that Dannehy investigate whether Justice Department officials made false statements to Congress or to investigators or violated other federal criminal statutes, including obstruction of justice or wire fraud.
Adult industry attorney Gary Kaufman of the Los Angeles-based Kaufman Law Group wasn't surprised of the report's outcome.
"These unprecedented and illegitimate firings prove what the industry has long suspected — obscenity prosecutions under the outgoing administration were nothing more than political witch-hunts carried out in pursuit of a right-wing agenda," Kaufman told XBIZ. "Anyone who disagreed with that agenda did so at their own risk. This is really the equivalent of the president firing a federal judge for ruling against the U.S."
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Assemblyman John McDonald is a former Mayor, as is the Democratic VP candidate
Fire crews were busy with a car fire at the Price Chopper Market Bistro parking lot in Latham.
A veteran of the war in Afghanistan is set to become the first woman to hold the top enlisted airman's position in the New York Air National Guard.
Some supporters of Sen. Bernie Sanders are refusing to give up on their candidate. March for Bernie USA moved through cities across the nation on Sunday, including Albany. Supporters say they are still pushing for the Democratic National Committee to throw their support behind Sanders.
More than 100 runners laced up their shoes Sunday to benefit a good cause. The Joggin for the Noggin' 5K and 10K were held at the Albany Corning Preserve. All of the money raised will go towards the Children's Brain Tumor Foundation.
Within the first hour of the Mohawk Hudson Humane Society opening its doors Saturday morning, eight-year-old sisters Heart and Spirit found a new home.
Former Cohoes Mayor George Primeau has died. Current Cohoes Mayor Shawn Morse and former Mayor John McDonald tweeted about his death.
Growing concerns over the long-term damage football can cause to players brought a group of master trainers to the Capital Region on Saturday. They were hoping to help make the game safer.
The University at Albany is starting a new major with the goal of making the world safer. The new major is approved for the College of Emergency Preparedness, Homeland Security and Cyber Security starting this fall.
There's a new development in the case of a Guilderland family, murdered two years ago. NewsChannel 13 has learned that the case been handed over to the major crimes unit of the New York State Police.
The details in a bizarre care of urine and feces at the DEC building in Albany continue to unfold. Investigators say the man, a contracted cleaner, left more than 40 containers of urine and feces all around the fourth floor of the building.
Albany police say a man had his car stolen while playing "PokémonGo." It happened around 11:45 p.m. Thursday evening at the Empire State Plaza.
Some of baseball's biggest stars are passing through Albany, Thursday.
St. Peter's Health Partners and one of their doctors, Hedy Migden, have parted ways.
A man was arrested Thursday in connection to a disgusting discovery.
Albany County Executive Dan McCoy announced a county interfaith coalition on Thursday. The county government is coming together with leaders from several religions to talk about problems of hate and bigotry here. The grander worldwide landscape of Islamic terrorism, hate crimes, police shootings, and shootings of police.
The state Department of Environmental Conservation's largest vessel is docked in Albany. Nicknamed "The Fitz," the boat is not only fast, but can also detect radiation and chemical threats.
A stolen city-owned truck in Troy is found, but its thief remains on the run. Troy police tell NewsChannel 13 the Department of Public Utilities truck was taken from the area of 113th Street and 4th Avenue just before 11:30 Wednesday morning.
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The former Albany High School will be undergoing renovation to turn it into UAlbany's College of Engineering and Applied Sciences. Rep. Paul Tonko toured the building on Wednesday morning. The renovation of the historic building is expected to cost $60 million.
The city of Albany has received $10,000 to be put toward the city's St. Patrick's Day parade. A few years ago, city hall said it would be difficult to continue to stage the parade with rising expenses. This money from the St. Patrick's Day Parade Committee will offset the expenses of this year's parade.
Some cell phone video involving Albany police is causing quite a buzz on social media. Many have said the video appears to be showing a man punching a police officer. But Albany police say that's not what happened.
The NYS Sheriffs Association is backing the home visiting program advocated by the group Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, as a way to reduce child abuse and future crime.
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An Albany man pleaded guilty to manslaughter Tuesday. Nevin Roberts now faces 20 years in prison and five years of post-release supervision.
A legal services group says the state agency responsible for investigating abuse and neglect of disabled New Yorkers isn't effective and should be moved into the state attorney general's office.
UAlbany's president is leaving. Robert Jones says he's accepted dual roles as Chancellor of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and vice president of the University of Illinois system.
Top area leaders gathered to begin a study on how to connect UAlbany's downtown campus with its alumni quad.
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There are two opportunities to have your child's car seat checked for free on Wednesday.
The arts scene in downtown Albany is about to get even better. The Palace Theatre hopes to undergo a $65 million expansion and renovation project.
Bishop Scharfenberger leads "Evening Prayer for Peace in Our Nation" that mentions those killed in Baton Rouge, St. Paul and Dallas, including the gunman.
We know that girls are opinionated, personable and courageous. Experts say they reach the age of 12 or 13 and begin to doubt themselves. However, this summer, a group of women is trying to remind them just how strong and bold they can be.
It wasn't a problem finding people at Washington Park in Albany on Tuesday afternoon who were tracking down and then battling virtual creatures using their phone's GPS and camera.
Extreme road rage ends with 90 days in jail for an Albany man.
Financial disclosures show six state senators topped their legislative pay with outside income last year while efforts to restrict it foundered in the Legislature.


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Indianapolis mother returns to crime scene to remember son shot and killed
The Indy Ten Point Coalition is also starting a support group for families of gun violence.
The Indy Ten Point Coalition is also starting a support group for families of gun violence.
Brittney Sykes had 12 points for Syracuse (30-8), which was making its first appearance in the title game.
McLaughlin said the city is introducing a new purchasing program designed to support recycling and re-use of materials.
Sanders is favored to win the next primary caucuses in Wyoming on Saturday.
To win a prolonged convention fight, a candidate would need support from the individuals selected as delegates
It happened at 10th Street and Rural Street around 9 p.m.
The school said Tuesday evening theater teacher Kyle Guyton died in Krakow, Poland.
The big race is Saturday night.
Investigators also found parts of the helicopter's landing gear on top of the ridge-line.
The so-called "digital canvas" will rotate and be lit 24 hours a day.


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I'm super-excited to have Assembly as my new baby. I'm beginning to define a minimalistic, clean aesthetic that gets out of the way so the content shines. Still early days, but I'm happy with the direction so far :)
Check out the attached images see the progress across a few different screens.
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...I continued teaching and tutoring (small classes, 1-on-1-or-few, as well as online tutoring via skype) Chemistry and Math subjects since 1995; I have lived in different places worldwide, tutoring/coaching and teaching in Europe, Australia and the USA. I have over 15 years of experience in any Ch...
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Right now, I'm at a coffee shop. A few moments ago, I signed an autograph on one of those papers you find in front of such places. Probably looks like the one you're reading now. I'm in a baseball cap, pulled just over my eyes, and a pair of camouflage carpenter shorts I got from Target. And a nondescript navy blue sweatshirt.
I'm Joe, Anytown USA. But I'm not.
I've achieved some sort of celebrity status. Falling in rank somewhere between the E and Z lists. Probably more toward the back of the alphabet. A fact that has been made increasingly obvious through some surreal experiences.
Often, I'm just that guy from TV. A food channel dude. That chef.
Sometimes, I'm a guy you think you know from somewhere, but can't quite place.
I recommend that if you find yourself going through this metamorphosis, do not tell the person who is stumped about your identity who you are. Telling them you're from this or that TV show has the potential to yield a most humiliating result. As it did to me once in Jacksonville. Early in my newfound life, the curious person who thought they knew me responded that no, they didn't know me from television. They just thought I was Craig Wilson from their intramural softball team.
I now refer to this as the Craig Wilson rule.
Indeed, that encounter is my favorite and it provided a good lesson. Now, I will not tell you who I am. It's a fun game that can last for a few guesses and sometimes leaves people scratching their heads a bit bewildered. Did you go to medical school at Johns Hopkins? Nope. High school in Boston? Uh-uh. Are you a pediatric gastroenterologist? Negative. Man, I didn't even know what that was but I was honored!
I am Craig Wilson ... your old college roommate.
Sometimes, playing that game makes me me feel like I'm being a dick. But what would you do in the situation?
The daily confirmation of my new public persona comes in many forms. An autograph here, a picture there, a random, albeit infrequent shout of "I love you" across an airport concourse or from a passing car while I'm jogging. One of the more interesting posts on LA Eater stated that they saw me and my wife, and couldn't believe how pretty she was (compliment or insult ?). Tweets that claim to have spotted me, shopping in the mall or dining at Chick-fil-A (they were giving away free sandwiches!). Every day comes with some harmless confirmation that I'm not who I was a few years ago.
I am Craig Wilson ... lover of fried chicken.
The bizarre confirmations reveal more about the incredible life-altering effect of having been on a few TV shows. Fan mail from other countries. Crazy! E-mails detailing how I have helped someone overcome a major life obstacle from divorce to career change. Amazing! But the requests to correspond with the terminally ill or a kid battling cancer really drive home the gravity of my new life and leave me utterly humbled and grounded.
Of course, there's also the humorous exchanges — being misidentified as Bobby Flay (honestly?) and signing the latest version of Grilling and Chilling. Or in a whirlwind moment, having someone ask me to sign something, then how to spell my name as they shove their prototype granola bar in my hand and snap a picture. A drive-by Twitter endorsement. WTF? One of my favorite stories, however, was when a super-exuberant teenage girl accosted me at an airport to take pictures, sign autographs, exclaim her adoration of me, and then in parting, confide how much she loved me on "American Idol"!
I am Craig Wilson ... a mediocre singing talent.
All of this did propel me to do something that some may consider dabbling in douche-baggery. I started buying and wearing baseball caps. It's my personal force field. For a bit, I thought I would only be recognized in my chef attire. Then it was only if my hair was in foie hawk attack formation. Then, maybe only in certain geographical areas.
I am Craig Wilson ... third baseman for the company softball team.
I figured a hat would surely make me invisible. And it does slow down the quantity of approaches, but still doesn't give me full anonymity. My wife tells me I just need a different look, face, hair, everything (again, compliment or insult?). It really amps up when I travel to some of the heartland cities. I'm like a flapper at a temperance rally. I stick out like a sore thumb. I can't do much about it. Even if I wasn't on TV, people would still probably stare at me for my hair or my silver shoes.
I am Craig Wilson ... gin-swilling jazz enthusiast.
I have not yet reached the status of hat-plus-sunglasses. I feel that's reserved for poker players, residents of Nevada, or the truly famous. Or maybe those who think they're truly famous. Once, when hanging out with a crew of reality cooking stars, we were denied access to a West Hollywood "celebrity" hot spot. One of my colleagues, of the knife-wielding, wild-haired ilk, actually said, "Don't you know who I am?" I let him know that he was just Craig Wilson. Systems analyst by trade, weekend warrior at heart.
It went over his head.
And now, in absolute real time and in all honesty, someone just approached me. Hunkered down in the farthest corner of this Latte Express. Red Sox cap touching my eyebrows. Face buried behind my Macbook, iced coffee, and pile of orange peels.
"You were such a joy to watch, an absolute inspiration! You have gotten me to take up cooking at home."
Ahhh. I'm Richard Blais.


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I'm a space-artist. You know maybe… :) Here is one of my vision from far far far away, while a mission.
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Steelex | SKU: D3702 | Model: T23759
24" Saw Guide Rail
Price: $3.45
Steelex T23759 - 24" Saw Guide Rail
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These 24" Saw Guide Rails provide a wide clamping surface for a variety of front and rear hold-down clamps. Circular saw base plate rides against Saw Guide edge for perfect straight line cuts. Adjustable handles for easy positioning.
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About plaguer : Part time barista, tattoo parlor rest of the time. My dog's name is Bowser. I'm not naked in that first picture, sorry.
plaguer's FML badges
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Consolation prize
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I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
plaguer's favorite FMLs
Today, I fed my 4ft python a live rat for the first time. He now has a new friend he won't let me near. FML
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Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML
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Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML
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Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML
by dirtbikeguy / 07/23/2015 at 9:05am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML
by Skoff / 07/23/2015 at 5:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML
by Julianapilikusplatosophophes / 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML
by sad and hungry / 06/06/2015 at 10:37am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML
by nerderer / 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML
by Swabidizop / 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML
by sistertaxi / 05/14/2015 at 10:23am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML
by seethroughpee / 05/06/2015 at 1:22am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2015 at 1:32pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML
by bleue / 04/23/2015 at 8:27am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
- Today, I visited my parents with my four year old. My son started to excitedly tell his grandmother… Today, my friend asked me whether I wanted to go to the gym with her, after grabbing my phone and a… Today, my vegan friend, not knowing that I'm allergic to soy, snuck tofu into my chicken burrito to…


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Call Us at (928) 634-0443
Tasting room hours:
Thursday to Monday 12p to 7p
Weather hold WINE ONLY. Buy our awesome merchandise via the link above.
Wine through Phoenix is a waste of wine and that is the path of any package out of here...so unless you're worried that a particular wine is going to sell out, don't buy wine for a while. 'Cause we really can't ship it until the fall. Bummer, I know, I feel it, too.
June has come and gone. It's that quiet, nervous time before harvest and crush - waiting, wondering...we're looking at 50+ tons of fruit processing this year.
Our tasting room is quietly turning one June 25, Saturday. Let's have some cake, yes?
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About the Author
Roscoe Tanner is an Australian Open champion and Wimbledon finalist.
Timothy Davide is a tennis instructor and is currently ranked number 25 in the state of Florida.
Christopher J Gallagher is a cardiac anesthesiologist, the published author of 3 other books (2 on anesthesia, 1 on World War I), and was voted teacher of the year when he taught at Duke.


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What We Do
Transform Your Dog into a Model Citizen, Set Yourself up as "The CEO" and Live in Harmony! Really.
As much as we love pets, sometimes the pulling, jumping, digging and other problems can make life difficult. At See Spot Sit Dog Training, we can eliminate those problem behaviors so that you enjoy only good moments with your best friend.
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Feel free to pay online or at class with your credit card or Paypal, or pay by check, cash or credit card at class!
If you have a question, or want more information, please use the Drop Us A Line form.
If your dog has aggression or severe fear or anxiety when around other dogs, an evaluation will be necessary before beginning classes, in order to tailor the services provided to best suit your dog's needs. Please see the page http://seespotsit.org/behavior-assessments.
Please note that See Spot Sit, LLC is not a rescue organization. While we do work with rescue organizations and shelters and help when we can, we are not a primary contact if you have found a dog or need to rehome one. For rescue organization information please go to http://www.careforanimals.org/resources.cfm.
**Contact Charlotte at email@example.com for rescue organization and/or foster prices.


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Attack Girls' Swim Team vs. the Undead
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Okay, let's start off by saying that if you're the kind of person who sees a title like Attack Girls Swim Team vs. the Undead and does not immediately think "THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER", you're probably in the wrong place. Because that's exactly what I thought when I saw the title of this movie, and, well, I'm the guy who's writing the review. If we're coming from entirely different mindsets... you know. And while the movie doesn't live up to the promise of the title, it's certainly good for a romp.
Aki (Sasa Handa) is the new girl at school. Keeps to herself, quiet, that sort of thing. One day, Sayaka (Yuria Hidaka), seeing her at the side of the pool and mistaking her for someone else, pushes her in as a prank. The two of them become fast friends after that, but this is no simple friendship drama. Because, after all, there must be an evil mastermind experimenting on the school (where else but in Japan?), administering a "vaccine" for a cold that's going around. But, yeah, vaccine? It makes zombies of everyone but Aki and the girls' swim team, who must find a cure.
No, it's not a great movie, and most of the time it's not even a good movie. But on the Joe Bob Briggs blood, breasts, and beasts scale, it gets top marks in all three categories (including one scene between Handa and Hidaka that wouldn't be out of place in an Emmanuelle flick), and it adds a continual element of just plan weird, in that style the Japanese do so well. The climax of the movie is just jaw-dropping. I mean, really, off-the-scale, [censored for Amazon consumption] nuts. And hysterically funny, if that kind of humor works for you.
So, yeah, not a good movie, but it's the kind of bad movie that transcends its badness and becomes something great. This is one you owe it to yourself to watch. ****
Aki (Sasa Handa) is a student with a troubled past. She was kept prisoner and abused by an enigmatic professor and trained to be an assassin. She had just transferred to a school at the worst possible time. There's a mysterious virus in the school and students and teachers are being rounded up to receive a vaccine to counter the virus. However, the very same vaccine supposed to protect them from infection is actually a drug that turns everyone to flesh-eating zombies. Luckily, Aki skipped on the vaccine, and the swim team is immune to the virus because of the chemicals present in the school's swimming pool--chlorine. Aki finds out that the man responsible for the injections is the same man who sexually abused and kept her prisoner.
I was expecting a film much like "Wild Zero", "Sars Wars: Bangkok Zombie Crisis", and "Meatball Machine" when I put the DVD in the player. The film is pretty bad, but I have to admit I couldn't help snickering and giggling while I was watching it. The film is somewhat entertaining in a "guilty" type of way (or maybe I have bad taste?).Read more ›
Here's the skinny on this Asian soft-core horror flick - it's not as good as 'Onechanbara', 'Machine Girl', 'Tokyo Zombie', 'Stacy', 'Meatball Machine', or 'Tokyo Gore Police' as far as solid, campy horror goes. It's at least as good as 'Zombie Hunter Rika', 'Captive Factory Girls' (both 1 and 2), 'Maid-Droid', 'Sexy Battle Girls', or 'Cruel Restaurant' as far as action/horror flix go. And it's WAY better than 'Female Prisoner Sigma', 'Yo-Yo Girl Sexy Cop', 'Sars Wars', 'Maid`s Secret' (both 1 and 2), 'Ninja Vixens', 'Kekko Kamen', 'Lady Ninja Kasumi' (1 through 4), or any of the 'Lady Ninja Kaeda' flix.
These last ones are ALL soft-core, and most pretty much suck on a variety of levels. This film is ridiculous, sure, but it's good for more than a few laughs and has copious amounts of nudity to keep me away from late-nite Ron Jeremy flix on satellite, so there's something to be grateful for right there...
As far as I could understand it Aki (Sasa Handa,) a mysterious water assassin (?) (!) decides she really pines to be a schoolgirl, so she doffs her machine gun amphibious invasion ensemble and dons a school uniform and just shows up at a girl's school. Through a ridiculous mole and bruise identification subplot (don't ask,) she realizes her long lost twin sister already goes to school there. Unfortunately her arch nemesis has joined the faculty and is behind the nefarious plot to turn the students and faculty into zombies with a new vaccine. There are some terrible special effects (watch particularly for the astonishing bomb detonation and the aforementioned laser deployment scenes,) a juggling zombie math teacher, undead frivolity in the faculty lounge, and a scissor-related big toe amputation. Apparently the moral of the story is "don't let the teachers have a chainsaw" or perhaps "beware of heat strain." I cannot divulge more.
There are some eye-rolling adult situations (did I mention the laser beam?Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I can not rate this dvd . I never got to see it. It would not play on my 5 DVD players. it came up not in my region. I never saw that before.Published on November 26, 2013 by tyrone bass
Great movie! and something you would totally come to expect from the asian horror genre. I liked it alot. dPublished on November 14, 2013 by Ryan Jay Meyer
I found this a very entertaining movie, the fight sequences were OK, however I found the ending a bit weak and left me wondering what happened.Published on September 28, 2011 by Bob Hightower
no subtitles, but no need. Fun. All around.
I'd swim with these babes anyday in any water at any depth. Read more
Though this really isn't an "undead" movie, it is good in its own right. I enjoyed the campiness of the movie along with the gratuitous violence and sexiness. Read morePublished on December 9, 2010 by Chitopher
Many countries have tried to test adult video with an actual storyline. One film would be equivalent to an X-rated film and another minus the hardcore sex scenes and thus gets an... Read morePublished on October 1, 2009 by [KNDY] Dennis A. Amith
A new "vaccine" turns high-school students and teachers into flesh-eating zombies. Luckily the girls swim team is unaffected and they must fight for their survival against the... Read morePublished on August 2, 2009 by ramirez98
First and foremost, this movie is atrocious. Some of it feels like a really bad after school special with a bad budget. Read morePublished on June 23, 2009 by Jason
Knew movie was gonna be a B movie,but could have done without the soft porn.Published on April 9, 2009 by K. Wright


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Before announcing his presidential candidacy yesterday, Republican Senator John McCain asked Yahoo users, "What would you do to stop wasteful government spending in Washington?" on Yahoo Answers. John McCain is the second 2008 presidential hopeful to post on Yahoo Answers, following Democratic Senator Hillary Clinton, who posted her question just over a month ago, "Based on your own family's experience, what do you think we should do to improve health care in America?"
According to Hitwise data for January 2006, Yahoo Answers is the leading Q&A site on the Web. And John McCain's question has currently solicited over 15,000 answers with responses ranging from placing a limit on politicians' compensation and tenure, to changing rules for lobbyist endorsements and taking a closer look at immigration policy.
The presidential candidates join a list of more than 70 prominent figures that include Oprah Winfrey, Leonardo DiCaprio, Stephen Hawking, Al Gore, Bono, and Donald Trump who have posted questions around globally-pressing issues for the collective knowledge of the Yahoo Answers community to help solve. They see Yahoo's audience as a great way to build awareness for the causes that matter to them most.
Back in 1992, Ross Perot used CNN's "Larry King Live" to launch his presidential campaign as an Independent. Times change.
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