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It's a fact that the smartphone industry is slowing, but it's also a fact that it still offers staggering growth and results that continue to surprise to the upside.
The industry could sell some 886 million smartphones this year, nearly half of all mobile phones, up 31% from last year's total, according to analysts. That's 2½ times the total of personal computers that were sold in 2012.
As the industry hurtles this week toward its big annual shindig, the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona, remember that it is still very young and very much in the throes of remarkable change.
For the moment, that probably bodes well for the dominant vendors, Samsung Electronics (ticker: 005930.Korea), which had 29% of smartphone unit sales worldwide in the fourth quarter, and Apple aapl -0.6883090199301418% Apple Inc. U.S.: Nasdaq USD96.67 -0.67 -0.6883090199301418% /Date(1469566800257-0500)/ Volume (Delayed 15m) : 41175840 AFTER HOURS USD103.24 6.58 6.7963173683666085% Volume (Delayed 15m) : 15063482 P/E Ratio 10.75305895439377 Market Cap 533172510429.353 Dividend Yield 2.3585393607116996% Rev. per Employee 2050050 More quote details and news » (AAPL), which was second, with 22%, according to research firm Strategy Analytics.
It also bodes well for Qualcomm qcom 1.0209122344804875% Qualcomm Inc. U.S.: Nasdaq USD61.35 0.62 1.0209122344804875% /Date(1469566800358-0500)/ Volume (Delayed 15m) : 10883816 AFTER HOURS USD61.99 0.64 1.0431947840260798% Volume (Delayed 15m) : 388824 P/E Ratio 17.96749158002636 Market Cap 89494639281.4722 Dividend Yield 3.4555827220863895% Rev. per Employee 691697 More quote details and news » (QCOM), the dominant supplier of the baseband wireless chips that drive cellular connections.
Indeed, worldwide smartphone sales rose an impressive 43% last year, although that was down from 58% in 2011 and 72% in 2010, the year that they really took off, following increases of just 24% in 2009 and 14% in 2008, according to research firm Gartner.
But while the industry is maturing, it still can produce unexpected upside. Last year's smartphone total of 700 million was about 10 million more than had been predicted going into 2012, says Neil Mawston, a director of research for Strategy Analytics.
As another example, Qualcomm at the end of January, said its estimate for all the handsets sold last year that came with the more advanced "3G" or "4G" wireless connections was 928 million.
That is 30 million units higher than what Qualcomm had projected for 2012 in November 2011.
The slowing growth, as well as the upside, are consequences of dynamic shifts in technology that either drive sales or constrain them. Smartphones existed before 2010, but they didn't go mainstream until more individuals in developed markets were able to use the Internet at faster 3G speeds, transforming the devices into viable pocket computers for the first time.
WHERE DOES GROWTH come from now? People may be prompted to trade up from their current smartphone to one that can take advantage of the next big thing after 3G—long-term evolution, or LTE.
LTE networks are being built out by AT&T t -1.3041453190498369% AT&T Inc. U.S.: NYSE USD42.38 -0.56 -1.3041453190498369% /Date(1469566863494-0500)/ Volume (Delayed 15m) : 19645712 AFTER HOURS USD42.38 % Volume (Delayed 15m) : 432878 P/E Ratio 18.30669546436285 Market Cap 264166871551.514 Dividend Yield 4.530438886267107% Rev. per Employee 577456 More quote details and news » (T), Verizon Communications VZ -1.8972614999105066% Verizon Communications Inc. U.S.: NYSE USD54.81 -1.06 -1.8972614999105066% /Date(1469566826417-0500)/ Volume (Delayed 15m) : 18225436 AFTER HOURS USD54.79 -0.0200000000000031 -0.03648969166210546% Volume (Delayed 15m) : 528423 P/E Ratio 15.483050847457626 Market Cap 227726115646.362 Dividend Yield 4.123335157817916% Rev. per Employee 741739 More quote details and news » (VZ), Sprint Nextel s 5.932203389830509% Sprint Corp. U.S.: NYSE USD6.25 0.35 5.932203389830509% /Date(1469566904867-0500)/ Volume (Delayed 15m) : 86651765 AFTER HOURS USD6.2 -0.0499999999999998 -0.8% Volume (Delayed 15m) : 225053 P/E Ratio N/A Market Cap 23450093421.0388 Dividend Yield N/A Rev. per Employee 1072670 More quote details and news » (S) and T-Mobile USA here in the U.S. at a cost of billions of dollars.
So far, it seems, individuals don't understand, or don't care, about LTE. A recent note by Jefferies & Co.'s Peter Misek related results of a survey of wireless operators that showed less than half of mobile subscribers expressed interest in LTE.
It may be as simple as technology savvy trickling down to less astute buyers, opines Mawston. "For younger and richer consumers, and those more tech-aware, they know they want LTE," he says. "Those who are older, who have less disposable income, and who are less savvy look primarily to prices" of smartphones.
Nevertheless, Mawston remains confident that LTE will ultimately lure buyers, and that subscribers in emerging markets will be drawn from older 2G cellphones to 3G phones. And next year? "In developed markets, you'll see people trading up to LTE-Advanced," the next bump up in LTE, "while people who've been on 3G will move to LTE."
And so it goes: The industry continues to evolve from what was originally a calling device into a faster, pocketable computing device.
As Susquehanna Financial Group chip analyst Christopher Caso put it in a note to clients last week: "As long as phone OEMs [original equipment manufacturers] continue to introduce new innovations, they are going to convince consumers to upgrade their phones. Until the capabilities of smartphones and PCs converge—and there is still a long way to go—we don't think we will hit a plateau."
Caso sees that as a vote for Qualcomm, pointing out that there are four billion phone users around the world who don't currently use a 3G or 4G phone. In other words, their phones generated no royalty payment to Qualcomm, which is compensated for its industry patents, even when it doesn't sell the chips themselves.
Competitors Broadcom (BRCM) and Nvidia nvda 1.7061781609195403% NVIDIA Corp. U.S.: Nasdaq USD56.63 0.95 1.7061781609195403% /Date(1469566800324-0500)/ Volume (Delayed 15m) : 11443957 AFTER HOURS USD57.05 0.419999999999995 0.7416563658838071% Volume (Delayed 15m) : 1418782 P/E Ratio 48.401709401709404 Market Cap 29733120162.9639 Dividend Yield 0.8122903054917888% Rev. per Employee 559662 More quote details and news » (NVDA), as well as Intel intc 1.153070049005477% Intel Corp. U.S.: Nasdaq USD35.09 0.4 1.153070049005477% /Date(1469566800191-0500)/ Volume (Delayed 15m) : 27252882 AFTER HOURS USD35.12 0.029999999999994 0.08549444286121402% Volume (Delayed 15m) : 2391546 P/E Ratio 16.95169082125604 Market Cap 163806173515.32 Dividend Yield 2.9638073525220863% Rev. per Employee 527624 More quote details and news » (INTC), are starting to offer their own baseband chips, but they have a learning curve to navigate before they will be a major threat to Qualcomm.
For everyone else in the industry, it's a question of dealing with the stranglehold on revenue and profit that Samsung and Apple hold.
A recent note to clients from Raymond James analyst Tavis McCourt outlines the haves and have-nots in the mobile industry. Apple, notes McCourt, had 13% of the unit sales of mobile phones and tablets combined in the fourth quarter of last year, but it made 40% of the mobile industry's revenue and 75% of its profit. Samsung had 30% of the industry's revenue, and 26% of its profits.
YOU READ THAT RIGHT: Between them, Apple and Samsung make up 101% (owing to rounding) of industry profit, by McCourt's metric, given that Nokia nok -0.6884681583476764% Nokia Corp. ADR U.S.: NYSE USD5.77 -0.04 -0.6884681583476764% /Date(1469567000405-0500)/ Volume (Delayed 15m) : 8217462 AFTER HOURS USD5.78 0.0100000000000007 0.1733102253032929% Volume (Delayed 15m) : 62415 P/E Ratio 10.839752019537855 Market Cap 33844706493.8608 Dividend Yield 5.019636048526863% Rev. per Employee 303583 More quote details and news » (NOK) and BlackBerry (BBRY) have both been operating at a loss.
The swing factor for Apple and Samsung is the rise of Chinese makers, such as Lenovo (992.Hong Kong), ZTE (000063.China) and Huawei, which are second, fourth and fifth behind Samsung in China, the world's largest mobile-phone market, according to Mawston. (Nokia has managed to hold on to third place.)
China-based vendors had 65% of the country's phone sales in 2012, in part because the local retailers and distributors have made an effort to sell Chinese, rather than outside, brands. Apple is in sixth place in China, with just a 7% share of the mobile-phone market, despite rapid growth there. That puts it barely ahead of seventh-place Coolpad, a Chinese firm that you've doubtless never heard of.
As Huawei and the rest try to go international, they are producing the most interesting challenge to the smartphone duopoly. "The [mobile] market always goes in cycles, and Samsung and Apple are having their heyday," says Mawston. "Eventually, they'll be replaced," he adds, as Motorola and Nokia were. "But probably not for a couple more years."
Tiernan Ray can be reached at email@example.com or at blogs.barrons.com/techtraderdaily or www.twitter.com/barronstechblog


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So what you saying TURD=Xbox 360. we already know that. but thanks anyway
Incredible, it looks like that MEZZO will be visiting his PSP again.
This the best chance to grab one of the best games around, do not miss this.
Looks cool, but since i own a PSP 3000 i thinks there i no need to get this.
this would be great a slim version, i hope it looks beautiful
If this happened PS3 will boost away in sales from Xbox.
I haven't played this game yet.
The last one was an average game i hope this one is much much better.
Get a game other then HALO please, and then come here.
Specially Ban All The Kids.
I have Xbox and 98% of my online play i play with kids,.
According to me Digital distribution has no future at all.
I am so excited about this one, Mothership zeta looks to be the best Fallout 3 DLC.
I cannot say that they are in the process of decline, but M$ should be ashamed of they way they adopted to milk their consumers.
I have been waiting for a good BATMAN game for so long, i really don't want it to squash my dreams.
But ([email protected]!!!) this was uncalled for.
Not interested at all.
I can't wait for all the version i just wanna see how the critic's receives it.
I am keeping my distance from EA games.

subset: commoncrawl


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Give Now
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For Valentine's Day, an Afterglow salute to some of the best love songs from the Great American Songbook
Songwriter Billy Strayhorn, Duke Ellington's right-hand man, would have turned 100 on November 29th.
Afterglow's salute to falling leaves and pumpkin spice with the best autumn songs from the Great American Songbook.
Canadian pianist Oscar Peterson would have turned 90 this week. We'll be saluting him by showcasing his work with Ella Fitzgerald, Fred Astaire, and more.
This week, our spotlight is on just a few of the many singers who sang with Count Basie, including Jimmy Rushing, Billy Eckstine, Sarah Vaughan, and more.
Trumpeter Clifford Brown recorded only three sessions with vocalists—Dinah Washington, Helen Merrill, and Sarah Vaughan. And they all happened in 1954.
This week, we're featuring the two recording sessions from 1975 and 1976 between pianist Bill Evans and singer Tony Bennett.
Gerald Wilson's arrangements were always harmonically interesting and punchy, and vocalists loved to work with him.
Celebrating the legendary singers of American popular song.


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I have failed a lot of people in my 48 years. Everybody has in one way or another, of course, but some people also have a million pounds. It's just the 'way it is'…
Of course, when you measure your 'failure' against other people's, you inevitably come out ahead of some and behind with others.
And of course there are different levels of failure. I once failed to look both ways at a Zebra crossing and was run over by a zebra, so in essence I failed with that joke. So failure, in its objective term, is relative.
So I have failed as Tiddles' dad.
I'm not the father that I wanted to be to him. I wanted to be so much more. I realise that I'm echoing both our play, 'Living with Luke' and 'Doctor Who' here but again, that's the way it is.
I've failed him.
It can be argued that I haven't failed him in that I'm still around for him, but what does that mean to him?
It means absolutely nothing. He doesn't ever think,
"I wonder if dad would like to do this with me one day/go to that place/watch this thing…"
His thought process where I am concerned goes something like,
"What does he want? He's in my way. I don't want to say anything to him. Go away, go away. What's he saying? What's he saying? He's in my way. He's talking to me. I'll hit him…"
I'm writing this in the morning, having endured another poor nights sleep, but before we went to bed last night he punched me in the stomach both on his way to the bathroom and coming out of it.
I'm not the dad I wanted to be to him. I'm a very poor copy of somebody else. A scary dad. A dad who is tolerated and dealt with, with as little contact as possible.
I'm not Luke's dad, I'm Tiddles dad.
I'm the dad who's not actually a dad, more of an interference. Like a mote in your eye, floating around your vision. It's always there, but it's annoying.
And that's me.
So I've failed as a dad. His dad. And it's not something I can fix with hard work and a positive mental attitude, because the damage is done. It really is set in stone.
But, even though I know this can never be fixed, I keep going. I've given up on so many things in my life that I've deemed to be failures, because it was the easy thing to do. But this…I just can't let this one go.
I'm tired, fed up, currently demotivated by a series of things, so this would be very easy to pass off as another tick in the Hannam loss box.
But I just can't. It's a one way street, certainly. But I really don't want to miss a thing.
So there you have it. My failure as a father to my son, Luke. And how I'm trying to be a father to Tiddles.
Cue Aerosmith…
Isn't it weird Tiddles, this life?
This week, I'm going to the wedding of Shane (who plays the Ref and other roles in Living with Luke – The Play) and his lovely lady Jazz. I wish them nothing but happiness and joy and all that they wish for. It took me back, Tiddles, to when your mum, TCMH and I were married, nearly 23 years ago BC (before children). We had big dreams. TCMH was going to be a jobbing singer and I was going to be a working actor. Nothing huge, just regular work that would keep us comfortable. I'd decided not to pursue my budding wrestling career to follow the acting dream. I toyed with writing when The Eldest Child came along. Children's stories mainly. Nothing came of it. We moved into our present house, and then you came along and everything changed. I had an idea for a pirate story about brothers but that never came to anything either. The dreams of becoming an actor faded as bills needed paying and regular work hooked it's soul-destroying, depressive claws into me.
Then the hammer blow. And suddenly, I'm the father of an Autistic boy.
The years pass and I write a book about a comedy pirate. I start wrestling again part time and I meet Paul Tyrrell – wrestling legend. After a couple of years though, I stop wrestling again for various reasons. I'm noticing that you are starting to be a little less tolerant of me, to the point where you are hitting me for whatever reason. It's fine. I tell everyone it's ok.
But it's not ok. It's tearing me apart inside.
And then the second hammer falls. And now you're an autistic boy with epilepsy. The hitting increases, as does the rejections. It's fine, I tell everyone. It's ok.
But it's not fine, it's not ok. My boy, my beautiful little baby, doesn't want me in his life.
So I start writing about it. All of it. All the stuff that was inside is now coming out. Some good, some bad. Funny-yes, but also some very sad, heartbreaking memories that has me blinking away tears as I write it down.
And then people started reading it. And more people and more in different countries. And then through Shane, Paul Davies comes along and wants to make a play about it? And then I meet Ben, who turns out to be a brilliant StageSon, and then we need a wrestler and Paul Tyrrell re-enters and becomes The Autistic Shadow. And I meet Liz and Neville and Anna Kennedy. And I write a book about you and I. And suddenly, this weekend, I'm going to the wedding of The Ref and his lady.
And all because, Tiddles, you were autistic. I would never have met these people were it not for you. The opportunities to reach so many people, touched in whatever way by the Autistic spectrum have all been because of you. It sounds odd to thank you for it, because I want to be your dad. I want to be the father to you that you deserve, and not the father that you continue to endure and tolerate. But without you, and all the heartbreak that your condition has caused me, I wouldn't be where I am today.
I'm right where life needs me to be, my beautiful, wonderful, distant son.
Thanks Luke.
Love Dad X
Sometimes he does talk to me.
Well, not so much talk, but reply to something I've said in a way that could be classed as talking and it also sometimes turns into something insightful from my little autistic philosopher.
I'm a man – you've probably noticed this – and as a man it is an unwritten law, like barbecues, cutting the grass and making the tea for TCMH in the morning, that we control the TV remotes. We've studied them, we know which buttons do what and what shortcuts to take to get us to which channel quickly. Why? Because TCMH, by her own admission I might add, isn't great with technology-if by technology we mean a many buttoned box to point at a TV that saves us getting up off our lazy arses and walking all of a metre to change the channel. So she surrenders the remotes to me. So sayeth the Law…
But I find that my position as the First Lord of the Doobery-Whatsit, Ruler Supreme of the TiVo, is now being usurped by You-Know-Who. He sits there – and for those who have Tivo's know all about this – setting series link after series link, recording things that he NEVER watches and never will watch! To date we have over 700 series links and Wishlist searches for so much stuff that, if it recorded it all, would probably take up the space of 10 Tivo's and he still would keep adding to it. I spend at least an hour per week deleting things like 'Nothing to Declare – Australia', Polish Radio, French news programmes and bizarrely, spooky tales from India. I not only have to delete them but also the Star Trek, Teletubbies, Postman Pat, Ben & Holly, Peppa Pig and Thomas the Tank Engine episodes not only from the programme list but ALSO from the deleted file, because otherwise he'll recover them and put them back. And why do I delete them? Cos he's already got them on DVD!!
But the other day after work, I wanted to sit down for a while and watch something mindless for a bit – Tipping Point probably. (If we ever go to Walton pier now, I like to answer a question before I drop my 2p into the machine. I do have to stop myself from saying, "Drop zone 3 please Ben…" though).
ANYWAY…I leaned down to Tiddles and held my hand out for the remote control. He, amazingly, passed it over without a shout or a refusal – one of the rare times that he has done so. Feeling quite pleased with myself and him, I thanked him and turned away.
"Not for long…" He said. And he was right of course, because we never really have anything for long, do we? Everything is fleeting, and moments between us even more so.
Where his phrase came from, I do not know. Whether it was directed at me, I do not know. What I did know was that it was totally in the context of our exchange. It was both funny and amazing. Mainly because these micro moments are just so rare. It's a brief glimpse of another world, another timeline, where the teenage Luke is moody and non-commital. Where I would be accepting of the grunts and one word answers. But in my world – this timeline, I crave that monosyllabic connection. Any link that we could have that would, just for the briefest of times bring us together. I need them. And I'll take them wherever and whenever they happen.
Gratefully…but they'll always be…
'Not for long…'
It's funny where the inspiration for some of these blogs comes from. I'm sitting in the reception of a Holiday Inn, in Brentwood awaiting the start of a Speed Awareness course as a result of a speeding fine back in February. I'm not happy about it, but let's get it over with. But whilst I'm waiting for it to begin, I've started writing this post and it's all because of music.
Music, specifically my type of music, plays a big part in my life. It's very rare that I drive anywhere without music on. Truth is, I'm not a huge talker in the car. If I'm not driving, I tend to feel a bit sick, so much prefer to close my eyes to combat the nausea. But most of the time, I'm watching the road…
The point of this post -eventually – is that I often wonder what Tiddles hears when he's in the car with me. TCMH listens to Radio 2 when she's driving and Tiddles is fine with that. I'll put on my music and he is putting his hands over his ears, so I have to turn it down or off.
Now I know what you're thinking. My music is crap. It's not…I love it and that's all that's important, right? One man's Rudimental is another man's Birdie Song, I get that.
What I don't get is what Tiddles doesn't like. I think it's the volume, so I turn it down so it's not so intrusive in the back of the car for him. But then the other night, (we've moved on in time here, stay with me now, the course is finished.) he had his iPad, his computer, his DVD player AND his iPod all on, AND he was singing – loudly. And just what was he singing? A song called 'Come and follow me'. Not heard of it? I'm not surprised, because it's the end song from the 1986 'classic' film 'Short Circuit'…and Tiddles loves it.
Of all the songs in the world, he's latched onto that one. Now, to my ears, it's awful, and I love most 80's music. But to Tiddles, well who knows? Like I said…it's the difference between Eric Clapton and Eric Morecombe…
But it makes him happy. Many's the time he has sung something at the top of his voice, completely uninhibited, and oblivious of those around him. Normal for us, a bit disturbing for the rest of the mourners. (I'm kidding of course. He only goes to the Wake.)
But, as I've written about in 'Life Lessons from Living with Luke', he does these things without any fear. He, among all of us, is free. For the rest of us, it's a slow, slow process to re-learn what we knew as children. He knows what he wants, what he wants to do and who he wants to spend time with. Sometimes, rarely, it's me. And that's the nature of our relationship at present. There was a period of time last week when he seemed extremely affectionate. Not any more tactile, just paying more attention to being near me it seemed. That faded, as I knew it would and the kicking of my ankles, the smacks and the stamping on my feet returned. Normal service was restored. But there was that point when it did seem that he was my little boy once again. It was lovely, wonderful and welcome, but as ever it was all too quickly gone. My Quiet Prince was gone again.
And then, all of a sudden, another Prince was gone.
It's really weird whilst writing a blog about music that one of your musical heroes dies unexpectedly. I wasn't so upset about Bowie, or Lemmy, but I was really knocked by this. I loved Prince and his music throughout the 80's and part of the 90's. 15 albums that pretty much shaped my teenage and early twenties, along with a few friends who were also fans. Admittedly I lost interest in his musical output from about 1995 onwards, but still I would revisit a lot of his brilliant earlier stuff, noting when he did release a new album.
And now he's gone. He touched my life in a way that I'll never be able to thank him for and instead, Tiddles will have to put up with more of my music. And much like Prince, Tiddles will never know or even understand the way he has touched my life.
It's a struggle. It always has been. But much like everything that you want, if it was easy to achieve then everyone would do it.
So…is my music crap? You decide.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life…"
Training. A word with many meanings, most of them involving sweat, tears and my lungs demanding to be let out of my chest. I used to train 3 times a week and play football on a Sunday. Then I trained 5 times a week, football on a Sunday. Then I stopped playing football and so now I train or do some form of physical exercise between 6-8 times a week. I should be easing down now, shouldn't I? Sitting on my front step, with my long pipe, swearing at people passing by like an old sailor. But I'm not. Instead I get up at 5.30 (6.00 during the holidays – lay in!) and put myself through some form of torture for anything up to an hour in an effort to maintain the body of a Greek god (Hermaphrodite…which one was he again?). That may not sound a lot to some people, but it's more than enough for me each day. And it is a torture. Back injuries sustained through bad falls playing football mean that it really is difficult sometimes to muster up the motivation. I don't enjoy training, I never have done. I've never experienced that 'runners high' or rush of endorphins or Dolphins or Mighty Morphin Power Rangers – whatever it's called – that I keep hearing about from all the other people who train. I'm with Muhammad Ali on that score who said amongst other things,
"Put in the work"
"I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion!'"
Now I don't in any way consider myself to be a champion, so I substitute that word for father. And that's what this chapter is about. I'm training every day to try and make sure that I am taking care of myself as best I can to look after Tiddles, now and far into the future.
With that in mind, I posted this on my FB page the other day…
What ever age you live to Tiddles, I'll live one day longer, so I can be there to look after you, always…
It's why I do it. Oh there's a certain amount of ego involved as well – this blog wouldn't exist if there wasn't. I don't want to be the stereotype late forties male. The sum of my parts have been thrown together to form this mass of humanity and masculinity. It's not perfect and sometimes it's not always very nice to be around. I beat myself up when I do or say something wrong. And if it's to do with Tiddles then it's worse, because he cannot understand me trying to make it right with him. And so we drift a bit further apart.
So I train. To get stronger, to BE stronger mentally, physically and maybe even emotionally. I jump, I stretch, I lift, I pull, I push…but underneath it all, I want to love and be loved. All the training in the world cannot give that to me. I have to give love to hopefully one day be loved.
And just sometimes I am. Maybe not for a day, sometimes not even for a minute. But some 'time'.
The heart is a muscle, it needs exercising just like anything if you want it to work properly. But that isn't just cardiovascular exercise. It's as much emotional exercise as anything else. We all have our passions, our 'hearts desire', something that makes us feel alive. We need that as much as we need physical exercise. But our heart is one of the only muscles that can be 'broken'. You can't break a bicep, a quadricep or a brain. You can tear a bicep, or damage a brain, but you break a heart. Mine has been broken for a long while now, repeatedly over the years since Tiddles was diagnosed. It starts to repair itself and then something else will happen that breaks it again. But, like getting up and training everyday, I keep picking up the pieces and put it all together again.
Because I'm Luke's dad. I'm not perfect, I'm not always nice and I'm certainly not a champion. But I want to give myself a shot at being there for him for as long as is humanly possible.
"So get up you sonovabitch…"
Tiddles may not love me, but he does show me a glimpse of what love could be. And for that, he's going to have to put up with me.
"Get up…"
Hello. My name is Danson Thunderbolt and I'm addicted to…
I've not had a lot to say lately…actually, that's not quite true – I've had plenty to say, and have said it as well. What I mean is that I've not wanted to say much here. Not for any other reason except that I was wondering if anyone was interested anymore. It's been about 6 months since the last post and now this one. It may well be another 6 months before the next one, if there is a 'next one'.
So, why now?
Today is my 48th birthday and I've never felt so old as I do today. I've never BEEN so old as I am today either, and tomorrow I'll be even older than I am today and be a step closer to the grave. A depressing thought? Yep…but that's par for the course…
I noticed a couple of things the other day, which were, whilst probably not all that important in the grand scheme of things, fairly earth shattering to me and forced me to sit down and think about them.
And it's this…I became aware, slowly, that Tiddles doesn't actually cry much. Hardly ever in fact. Except when he's upset, and then it's usually me that he's upset with and so he tends to lash out at me whilst he's crying. This has become the norm, it's acceptable-accepted behaviour in our house. Readers of these blogs will know that I would rather it be me he smacks or bites than anybody else. And that's…well, acceptable.
However, as with many things in life, the short term plans or ideas have a habit of becoming long term problems. This is what I discovered the other day. What has happened, is that Tiddles' lack of emotion, the fact that he hardly ever hurts himself and as a result never seems to 'need' me has, I've suddenly found…numbed me.
That is the wrong word, but I'm struggling to find the correct one.
Rather than becoming de-sensitised, I am if anything, feeling more sensitive as we have all gotten older. Luke's distance from me has left me with an ever deepening well of unchecked emotions that are being shored up with the increasingly flimsiest of supports.
So I joke around. I make funny comments. I piss about and try to be 'funny'. But I can have a nasty temper and a very short fuse which is being kept under increasingly difficult control as I struggle to deal with being 'Dad' and other people sadly, can feel the brunt of emotions that remain unchecked and unchallenged. The pressure is building.
For example…
I work in a school. I'm not a teacher. Nor would I want to be. Those guys work harder than anybody ever gives them credit for and deserve our admiration. One day just the other week, I was in class and from the class next to mine, we could all hear a child crying. Now I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, but they were sobbing about something and I do mean sobbing. They were so upset. All I wanted to do, was to go to that child, hold them tightly, and tell them that it was going to be alright.
And I wanted to cry with them.
Even now, the thought of it, the memory, is causing me to well up. Which is unfortunate because, as I said, I have no outlet. Tiddles doesn't need me, and that hurts. The slow, drawn out pain of his gradual separation has in effect, weakened the walls of my 'Fatherlyness' (not a real word), and has turned me into a man who will potentially cry at the drop of a hat…I daren't even watch any 'Rocky' films as they could be devastating, and I know what happens! But this is now the closest I will come to breaking down. I have a feeling that our performance of LWL at the end of April could potentially be the most real it's ever been!
But the worst thing, the worst thing is, is that it's not going to get better, but it could get worse, if it hasn't already.
'Who's birthday is it today, Luke?' I asked this morning to the figure peering out from under his duvet. No reply. 'Who's birthday is it?' I asked again.
'Daddy Pig…' he replied.
I looked at his calendar. Three dates had something written on them. None of which were my birthday!
And it's difficult to get inside his thoughts. The passage to Narnia has long been, maybe not lost, but certainly mislaid.
Years ago, myself and TCMH attended a week long conference/training session for an American idea called The Son-Rise program. During the week as one of the exercises, we were invited to write a letter to our children. I then volunteered to read mine out in front of 300+ parents. In it I wrote to Tiddles that I would do my absolute best to find the bridge between our land and Narnia. Something I'm still searching for to this day. The reality of it is that I may never find it, but do I really owe it to Tiddles to stop trying? To give up the search for the Holy Grail of fatherhood for him? He doesn't care less if I give up, but what he does need, whether he knows it or not, is a Dad who is strong for him, emotionally as well as physically. And that may mean I need to be more emotional in my everyday dealings, whether I like it or not…
Hello, my name is Steve…
Watch this space…
Just once, Tiddles…
Just once, I'd like you to say good morning to me, instead of turning away.
Just once, I'd like for you not to hit me, when I move in for a cuddle.
Just once, I'd love you not to shout at me when I ask you to do something.
Just once, look at me like I'm a friend, instead of an enemy?
Just once, I should be crying, but I just can't let it show…
And just once, I would like to you to have a glimpse of the grief and sadness I feel about you.
But also – just once – I'd really love you to know just how much I do love you.
Just once, 'I just wanna hold you close, and feel your heart so close to mine…'
Just once, Luke, I'd love you to call me 'Dad', instead of 'Go away'…
And just once, could you know? Just really, really know?
Just once, I wish you'd be with me now, instead of asking when mummy is coming home.
I want you to read these words, just once, and realise that they are my love letters to you. And that they always have been.
Just once, realise that although I may love you ineptly, I will love you…always…
Just once, Tiddles – know that I know…you.
Just once, Luke Hannam.
Just once…


text:
Oct 7, 2015 @ 11:30 AM
NY Fashion Week: Day 6
1. Oscar de la Renta and Victoria Beckham
"He's the epitome of American dressing and style," said the always impeccably dressed Victoria Beckham of Oscar de la Renta at the showing of his spring collection. The chic star also recalled her first ever fashion show as being Versace in Milan. "Donatella invited us, and it was really, really exciting. It was a great experience." -reporting by Bronwyn Barnes and Polly Blizter
2. Tina Chai and Amanda Peet
Amanda Peet and longtime friend and stylist, Tina Chai took in the Oscar de la Renta show, which was held at a church on Park Avenue. Peet donned a white eyelet top sent to her from the designer because "it's so beautiful and the lace is so springy and good during this hot weather." The actress, obviously a big fan, joyfully added that Oscar had designed her wedding dress.
3. Roger Federer
While in New York City, US Open champion Roger Federer took a front row seat at the Oscar de la Renta show. The stylish tennis star may have started his own fashion trend by wearing all black on the courts at the Open.
4. Mischa Barton
Mischa Barton was draped in shades of red at the fashionista-filled Marc Jacobs show, held late Monday night at the New York State Armory. The star-studded front row also included Victoria Beckham, Courtney Love, Sheryl Crow, Elisha Cuthbert and many more.
5. Russell Simmons, Carmen Electra, Elisha Cuthbert and Helena Christensen
After a long wait, music mogul and Phat Farm founder Russell Simmons, Carmen Electra, Elisha Cuthbert and Helena Christensen finally got a look at Marc Jacobs's spring line. "Celebrating Marc is a big deal," said Simmons. "I've watched him since the girls worked for free and he had no support. But in this industry, everybody loves him, so he has lots of support now. We love him and we come to celebrate him. Who else would we wait two and a half hours for?"
6. Courtney Love
"That was crazy! That was driving me crazy!" said Courtney Love to a friend when she encountered a flashbulb frenzy outside of the Marc Jacobs show. The rocker, outfitted in purple and yellow layers, then took a moment and returned to the arrivals area where she was successful on her second attempt to enter the show.
7. Sheryl Crow
A little black dress-clad Sheryl Crow took her seat in the front row of bleachers at the Marc Jacobs show. Crow and other patient fans of the designer drank bottles of Fiji water as they waited for the presentation to begin-two hours late.
8. Victoria Beckham
British blonde Victoria Beckham wore a form-fitting bandage dress to the Marc Jacobs show. America (or at least New York City) seems to have accepted the new transplant-screams of "Posh" could be heard throughout the venue.
9. Marc Jacobs and Michelle Trachtenberg
Michelle Trachtenberg sealed the Marc Jacobs show with a kiss to the designer. Marc Jacobs was the first to bound down the runway at his "backwards" show, which started with his bow and ended with a single model in a dramatic red and turquoise ensemble.
10. Heath Ledger and Michael Stipe
Heath Ledger had a guy's night out with R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe at the Marc Jacobs show. Stipe was spotted strolling in with some reading material while Ledger struggled to make his way past eager photographers.
11. Michael Lockwood and Lisa Marie Presley
Lisa Marie Presley and husband Michael Lockwood added some color to the front row at the Marc Bouwer show, in the tents at Bryant Park. Although looking elegant and dapper, the couple bravely wore fall fabrics on a very hot and humid day in New York.
12. Riley Keough and Ryan Cabrera
Lisa Marie Presley also hit the tents for Anna Sui's spring show. "I've been friends with Anna for a long time," said Presley, who brought along her model daughter, Riley Keough-and Riley's boyfriend, singer Ryan Cabrera-for a little mother-daughter fashion bonding. Other friends of Anna in the front row were indie filmmaker Vincent Gallo and edgy Evanescence front woman Amy Lee.
13. Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott
Tori Spelling showed off her post-pregnancy bod in a white knit dress at the Jill Stuart show, held in Astor Hall at the New York Library. The actress and her husband Dean McDermott watched as Stuart sent an array of flirty and feminine mini dresses and one-piece rompers down the corridor.
1 of 13
Oscar de la Renta and Victoria Beckham
"He's the epitome of American dressing and style," said the always impeccably dressed Victoria Beckham of Oscar de la Renta at the showing of his spring collection. The chic star also recalled her first ever fashion show as being Versace in Milan. "Donatella invited us, and it was really, really exciting. It was a great experience." -reporting by Bronwyn Barnes and Polly Blizter
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AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Patrol car video shows a white Austin, Texas, police officer violently throwing a black woman to the ground during a traffic stop, followed by another white officer telling... more »»
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AMHERST, Mass. (AP) — The strong smell caused by a man cooking urine has prompted the evacuation of an apartment building in Massachusetts. more »»
Mom: Gunman would 'pretty much lose it' on police shootings
July 22, 2016
The mother of the man who shot and killed three law-enforcement officers in Baton Rouge said her son would "pretty much lose it" when he heard about a black man being shot by police in what he... more »»
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text:
First time to order with MisterArt. Needed bulk acrylic, gesso, gel and brushes for 6 large pieces for a church project. Didn't know what to expect but did find the larger quantities I needed. The canvas, gesso, gel and brushes were just what we needed. Can't wait for the show on April 6. Working with young people on this project and they're excited.
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text:
Telephone: 01279 718 777
Cammas Hall Farm, Hatfield Broad Oak, CM22 7JT
Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, gooseberries, blackcurrants, sweetcorn & onions. Our own sunflowers and cherries are available ready picked.
Breakfasts, paninis, salads, sandwiches, jacket potatoes, cream teas, ice creams, delicious homemade cakes and a great selection of hot and cold drinks.
A wide range of local produce including fresh fruit and vegetables, meats and cheeses, meringues, our jam and honey, eggs, chutneys, pickles and much more.
Cammas Hall Farm is a family owned and run business in beautiful countryisde on the Hertfordshire/Essex border, in easy reach of London, which provides a great day out for all the family.
As well as a wide selection of 'pick your own' fruit and vegetables we also have a tea barn, farm shop, nature trail and children's play area.
We pride ourselves in providing really good quality, locally and sustainably sourced products at a very reasonable price. Our customers come back time and again for fresh produce, great food and refreshments or just to spend some quality time with the family without breaking the bank.
Please come and sample what we do. We are sure you will not be disappointed!
To see our location please click here.
For more information about your visit please visit our FAQ page.
We would like to thank Jodie May of ahandmadecottage.com for allowing us use a number of her photos in the slideshow above, taken for the blog she wrote about her visit to Cammas Hall Farm
Jun 25, 2016
It's going to be a glorious week! We've got strawberries, raspberries, blackcurrants and blackberries available for PYO and ready picked.
When you have finished picking come and join us for a delicious homemade breakfast, lunch or a cream tea in the tea barn.
Our farm shop, play area and nature trail (just ask for a map) are all open.
See you all soon! x
*Please note that we no longer allow picnics at Cammas Hall and only food purchased in our tea barn or farm shop may be consumed on the premsies*


text:
I have a function that takes in a temp, which is a pair.
type temp = (pd * string);;
I want to extract that string in temp. But I can't write a function that can just match on temp since its a type.
I wrote a function:
let print_temp(t:temp) (out: out_channel) : unit =
fun z -> match z with
(_,a) -> output_string out a "
But that gives me an error saying its not a function. I basically want to extract that string and print it. Any input on this would be appreciated.


text:
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This is an Honour Song: Twenty Years Since the Blockades Paperback – May 15 2010
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Product Description
There are many lessons that resulted from the events at Kanehsatà:ke and many of these lessons are reflected by the amazing authors in this book. Nia:wen to our "word warriors" for continuing the "wake up call." -- Beverley Jacobs, Kanien'kehaka, Bear Clan, Six Nations Grand River Territory
I am eternally grateful to Kiera and Leanne for their efforts in putting together this wonderful collection of articles, which record the sentiments and reactions of individuals about our actions during 1990. It will allow Kanehsatà:kehró:non to enjoy their messages for generations to come. -- Ellen Gabriel, Kanien'kehá:ka, from Kanehsatà:ke, Turtle Clan
Leanne Simpson and Kiera Ladner's new edited collection, This is an Honour Song, seeks to recognize the significance of the events at Kanehsatà:ke for Indigenous peoples, as well as for Canada. The collection does not focus on rehashing the details of events at the pines (a number of good books already exist in this regard), but explores the broader resonance and echoes of the Kanien'kehaka resistance. -- Tyler McCreary, Briarpatch Magazine
Filled with soul grabbing poetry, academic and personal essays, beautiful artwork, a short story and a play, Simpson, Ladner, and their 33 co-writers -- including well-known contributors such as Ellen Gabriel (who stood in the front lines at Oka), and respected writer and professor Patricia Montour -- provide educational pieces about the events of the standoff. They also take a stance on paper by sharing new issues that have come since Oka, and how it influenced a new generation of activists who seek justice in similar battles in their own territories. -- Jorge Antonio Vallejos, Rabble.ca
In remembering the Oka crisis in a deeper fashion than iconic images reprinted in mainstream journals, This Is an Honour Song goes beyond commemoration into offering insights into building a just tomorrow in the relations between indigenous peoples and Canada. It's a future rooted in justice and equality, but only possible if there is a serious, revolutionary shift in the colonial relations that continue to define the mainstream of relations between indigenous nations and the structures of political and economic power in this country. -- Stefan Christoff, Hour
About the Author
Leanne Simpson is a researcher, writer, and educator of Mississauga and Scottish ancestry. She is a member of the gidigaa bzhiw dodem and a citizen of the Nishnaabeg nation. Leanne holds a PhD from the University of Manitoba and is the past director of Indigenous Environmental Studies at Trent University. Her research interests include Indigenist theory and methodology, Indigenous political cultures and traditional governance, Nishnaabeg women, Indigenous Knowledge, and Indigenous philosophies on land and the environment. Leanne currently teaches at the Centre for World Indigenous Knowledgeat Athabasca University and has previously taught at Trent University, the University of Victoria, the University of Manitoba, and Tampere University in Finland.
What Other Items Do Customers Buy After Viewing This Item?
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text:
v.— «The second technique you describe is called "supreming," and the sections are called "supremes." I usually do a bag of grapefruit all at once so that I can just scoop it from a jar rather than bothering each morning.» —"Grapefruit" by Peggasus Cheap Eats Feb. 7, 2006. (source: Double-Tongued Dictionary)
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