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You may not think of them this way but researchers say bird feeders may be the greasy spoons of the bird world, spreading disease to feathered foodies.
An international research team led by Virginia Tech scientists found that wild songbirds that prefer to eat at bird feeders have an increased risk of acquiring a common eye disease. In turn, these birds also spread the disease more quickly to their flock mates.
The researchers found that this feeding preference, rather than its social position in the flock, as previously thought, was more likely to result in a bird contracting the eye disease.
"Our results suggest that in this species, a few individuals -- those that like eating at feeders -- are likely very important in driving disease epidemics," said Dana Hawley, an associate professor of biological sciences at Virginia Tech. "If this is true for other wildlife species as well, we may be able to more effectively reduce disease by targeting these 'high risk' individuals."
Study details
The authors monitored the wild flocks of house finches, a common backyard songbird, and the spread of a naturally-occurring bird disease called Mycoplasmal conjunctivitis, which is similar to "pink eye" in humans but cannot be contracted by humans.
In the study, each bird was fitted with a unique chip containing a barcode that automatically recorded each time a bird visited one of the monitored bird feeders over an entire winter. When bar codes from different birds appeared at feeders around the same time, the researchers knew that those two birds were feeding together.
"We expected birds that were more central in the social network, or had more friends, to catch the disease, because previous research has found that this was important for accessing information about where food is located. But, we found instead that it was birds' feeding preferences that were most important," said Damien Farine, a postdoctoral researcher with a joint appointment at the University of Oxford and the University of California-Davis and co-author of the study.
"Understanding which animals become sick, and which individuals are most likely to spread disease, can be critical to conservation," said James Adelman, an assistant professor at Iowa State University, a former postdoctoral researcher at Virginia Tech and co-author of the study.
Feeding birds isn't a bad thing for humans to do, as it helps birds survive the winter. However, the researchers recommend that bird feeders be cleaned and disinfected each time they are refilled to help reduce the likelihood of spreading disease.
The results of the study, funded by the National Science Foundation, were published Wednesday in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B.

subset: commoncrawl


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text: I feel so selfish for feeling this way when so many of you would give anything to be pregnant. I am 5 weeks and absolutely miserable. I dont want this baby, I don't want the kids I have now, I don't want to marry my partner...in fact I think I hate him, he makes me miserable. I can NEVER make him happy and God knows ive tried. I cant even afford an abortion right now. I never thought id have one of could live with doing it, but I truly feel ill be worse having this baby. This is the LAST way I expected to feel. This pregnancy is nothing like my others. I dont know what to do...I am absolutely falling apart and devestated, cant stop crying.


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Amarinder Singh demands Nabha jailbreak case be handed over to CBI
Soon after Khalistan militant leader Harminder Singh Mintoo, who had fled with four others, was arrested in near Delhi, Punjab Congress president Amarinder Singh has demanded handing over of the jailbreak case to the CBI, alleging a deep-rooted conspiracy.
The Congress leader said: "Since the Punjab Police DGP Suresh Arora has already admitted to conspiracy and connivance in the matter, the case should not be probed by the Punjab Police and handed over to CBI for an independent investigation."
Amarinder Singh also accused the ruling Akalis of "resorting to communal polarisation when faced with imminent defeat", according to a news agency report.
Amarinder, in a statement, alleged, "The jailbreak incident also pointed to such an attempt by the state government."
Amarinder warned against allowing the matter to be pushed under the carpet with the arrest of Mintoo, and called for a thorough probe.
"It is a clear case of connivance," he maintained and added that since Mintoo was nabbed in Delhi, the case could jointly be probed by the CBI and the IB, with support from the Delhi Police. "The ease of his arrest belied Sukhbir Badal's claims of a Pakistani role in the escape of the hardcore terrorist, who has about a dozen terror cases against him," said Amarinder.
The Congress leader said: "Had the whole thing been plotted from across the border, Mintoo would have by now escaped out of India, instead of waiting in Delhi to be nabbed."
The former Punjab Chief Minister also demanded "meticulous interrogation" of Mintoo by independent agencies to get at the root of the conspiracy.
"With the entire police and administrative machinery in Punjab in the grip of the Akalis, such blatant incidents of law and order breakdown were to be expected in the run-up to the Assembly polls in the state," he said.
Khalistani Liberation Force (KLF) chief Harminder Singh Mintoo who had fled with four others after the jail was stormed by 10 gunmen, was on Monday nabbed from Delhi railway station.


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text:
Identification and quantification of phenolic compounds responsible for the antioxidant activity of sweet potatoes with different flesh colours using high performance thin layer chromatography (HPTLC)
Lebot V.,CIRAD BIOS |
Michalet S.,CNRS Microbial Ecology |
Legendre L.,CNRS Microbial Ecology
Journal of Food Composition and Analysis | Year: 2016
The objectives of the present study were to develop a simple high performance thin layer chromatography (HPTLC)-based protocol: (i) to allow high-throughput profiling of phenolic compounds of microwaved roots from 295 sweet potato varieties and breeding lines, (ii) to quantify the content of anthocyanins and caffeoylquinic acid (CQA) derivatives, and (iii) to determine their respective contributions to the antioxidant activity of sweet potato methanolic extracts using the DPPH test. Analysed accessions were separated into three groups: white-fleshed (n = 100), orange-fleshed (n = 64) and purple-fleshed (n = 131). Purple-fleshed accessions presented the highest mean CQA content. After DPPH treatment and transmittance scanning of the plate at 517 nm, the most active free radical scavengers were found to be the four CQAs (CGA, 3,4-, 4,5- and 3,5-diCQA) while the anthocyanins were found to be less active. The total antioxidant capacity of the sweet potato methanolic extracts was mostly linked to total CQAs content. This method can now be used for fast routine analysis and selection of sweet potato breeding clones. © 2016 . Source
Coping with insularity: The need for crop genetic improvement to strengthen adaptation to climatic change and food security in the Pacific
Lebot V.,CIRAD BIOS
Environment, Development and Sustainability | Year: 2013
The capability of Pacific Island countries' agriculture to adapt to climatic and environmental changes is analysed. After presenting key features of the region's food cropping systems, findings of genetic diversity studies for the most important food crops are reviewed and their implications for adaptation are discussed. Biophysical and economic vulnerabilities of the food system are identified. For the major food crops, the needs for genetic improvement are detailed, and practical solutions for broadening genetic bases are suggested. The paper concludes by identifying areas for additional research on crops and agro-ecosystems adaptation aiming at increasing the flexibility of agriculture in the Pacific. In this region, plant breeding has to cope with the insularity constraints of the small island states. The new varieties need to satisfy farmers' agronomic requirements in very diverse environments. However, because of genotype-by-environment interactions (G × E), it is difficult to identify a variety that would be accepted by most farmers on different islands. A new type of breeding programme with a pragmatic approach is therefore necessary. The geographical distribution of allelic diversity appears as a practical and cost-efficient solution. © 2013 Springer Science+Business Media Dordrecht. Source
Lebot V.,CIRAD BIOS |
Simeoni P.,Geoconsulte Ltd.
Human Ecology | Year: 2015
To study food production systems of six communities located on six different islands of Vanuatu we selected villages in zones of low and high population pressures. We measured land availability, soil fertility, genetic resources, average yields of food gardens, their plant densities, traditional knowledge richness (TKR), and household incomes and expenses. We analyzed a total of 224 plots belonging to 30 farmers and identified 13 root crop species with the total number of cultivars in communities ranging from 74 to 261. Surprisingly, villages under high population pressure have shorter fallow periods but higher yields. In both zones, women have higher TKR. In high population pressure villages there are signs of soil fertility reduction and mineral depletion but no signs of significant decrease in soil fertility after the first year of cultivation, indicating that root crop species remove limited amounts of total N and minerals per year. The purchase of imported foods is associated with a sociocultural change in diets rather than pressures on land or soils. Our quantitative and integrative methodology allows clear differentiation between villages under different pressures and can be used to assess levels of resilience and vulnerability. © 2015 Springer Science+Business Media New York. Source
Somarriba E.,Tropical Agriculture Research and Higher Education Center |
Lachenaud P.,CIRAD BIOS
Forests Trees and Livelihoods | Year: 2013
Cocoa was used as a fruit in its native range. Cocoa fruits were harvested from "wild" cocoa stands embedded into the forests growing on the high terraces of the Amazon and Orinoco river systems and in the Guiana shield. "Wild" cocoa stands resulting from human intervention and disturbance of the local forest ecosystem are called subspontaneous cocoa stands. We propose that these sub-spontaneous cocoa forests are a new type of cocoa production system that we propose to call "successional cocoa agroforest." This article (1) describes the history of extractive cocoa in the Amazon basin, (2) outlines the possible historic path of domestication and use of cocoa subspontaneous stands, (3) specifies the biophysical and cultural processes that determine the creation-destruction-regeneration of the successional cocoa agroforest, (4) proposes a model for the functioning of this cocoa production system, and (5) documents the scarce information available on the changes in both the forest vegetation and biomass, and cocoa population numbers along the course of forest succession. This study shows the need to broaden the popular five classes classification of coffee and cocoa production systems (open sun cultivation, specialized shade, commercial shade, mixed shade, and rustic systems) to include a sixth type, the "successional cocoa agroforest." © 2013 Taylor &Francis. Source
Characterization of taro [Colocasia esculenta (L.) Schott] germplasm for improved flavonoid composition and content
Lebot V.,CIRAD BIOS |
Lawac F.,VARTC |
Michalet S.,University Claude Bernard Lyon 1 |
Legendre L.,University Claude Bernard Lyon 1
Plant Genetic Resources: Characterisation and Utilisation | Year: 2015
The starchy corms of taro (Colocasia esculenta) are consumed throughout the tropics and are essential for food security in many developing countries. Taro corms are increasingly processed into fries, chips, flours or flakes in urban areas, and varieties with attractive corm flesh colours are now needed. The identification of flavonoids in taro corms would add value to this crop. The present study developed a high-performance thin layer chromatography (HPTLC) protocol for the high-throughput screening of flavonoids in taro germplasm. Overall, 350 different accessions were analysed including 259 varieties from Vanuatu, one from Vietnam, eight from Thailand, eight from the Philippines, six from Malaysia, two from Japan and 18 from Indonesia. Forty-eight breeding lines (hybrids) including 21 from Vanuatu, 21 from Samoa, four from Hawaii and two from Papua New Guinea were also analysed. Ten flavones, namely luteolin-6-C-hexoside-8-C-pentoside, schaftoside, luteolin-3′,7-di-O-glucoside, homoorientin, isovitexin, orientin, luteolin-4′-O-glucoside, luteolin-7-O-glucoside, vitexin and apigenin-7-O-glucoside, were successfully detected in the corm and are responsible for the attractive yellow colour of the flesh and fibres. Quantitatively, luteolin-6-C-hexoside-8-C-pentoside and schaftoside were the most important of all the detected flavonoids. However, only 18% of the varieties analysed presented these two compounds and 80% presented poor flavonoid composition. No geographical structure of the variation was detected and the most flavone-rich varieties originated from Vanuatu, Thailand, the Philippines, Malaysia and Indonesia. The compounds detected in the present study were significantly and positively correlated, suggesting that there is potential for fast improvement through controlled crosses, subsequent evaluation of full-sib progenies and cloning of elite individuals. Copyright © NIAB 2015 Source


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Source Guardian,13th April 2016
Wazo Hill Savings and Credit Co-operative Society a Tanzania Portland Cement Co. Ltd current and , ex-employees SACCOS with Reg. No. DSR 460, is looking for an industrious and competent Tanzanian to fill the Assistant Manager vacant position with two (2) years term of employment renewable upon negotiations.
Job Summary:
• Reporting to the SACCOS Manager, he/she will be responsible for supervising subordinates of the society on day to day basis.
• Major duties will be as follows:
• To supervise day to day activities of the society.
• To prepare schemes of service for subordinates and present them to the Manager for approval.
• Prepare monthly progress reports and submit them to the Manager for review so that they form part of reports to be submitted to the Board.
• Review Credit policy and give necessary recommendations to Credit Committee.
• Prepare society's budget, strategic plan, business plan and implementation programmes for Board approval.
• Prepare annual accounts for Board approval and coordinates External Audit.
• Acting secretary to meetings in the absence of the Manager.
• Ensure safety and health measures are adhered to among the staff and members.
• Coordinating with other parties to ensure that the Society complies with legislations, workings rules and policies affecting the society.
• Performing other duties as may be directed by the Manager from time to time.
Applicant should possess a Bachelor Degree in Commerce majoring in Accounting. Co-operative knowledge will be an added advantage.
• Applicant should also be Computer literate.
• Must be able to work independently And; not aged above 35 years
A generous package of a handsome salary and fringe benefits based on mutual negotiations awaits the right and successful candidate.
Hand written application including copies of certificates, detailed curriculum vitae and names and addresses of two referees should be sent to the address below to reach us not later than 30th April, 2016.
Only short-listed applicants will be notified.
The Chairman,
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P.O.Box 66793
Dar Es Salaam.
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Alton Brown Live: Eat Your Science
Television personality, author and Food Network star Alton Brown will bring the "Alton Brown Live: Eat Your Science" (www.altonbrownlive.com) to St. Louis April 9th.
Brown has a knack for mixing together science, music and food into two hours of pure entertainment. "Plus, you'll see things I've never been allowed to do on TV."
Brown, author of the James Beard award winning "I'm Just Here for the Food" and New York Times bestselling sequence "Good Eats," is releasing his new cookbook through Ballantine Books (an imprint of Random House) on September 27 and it is available for preorder now. "Alton Brown: EveryDayCook", or EDC as Brown calls it, is a collection of more than 100 personal recipes as well as a pinch of science and history. He has hosted numerous series including "Cutthroat Kitchen," "Camp Cutthroat" and "Iron Chef America" and created, produced and hosted the Peabody award winning series "Good Eats" for 13 years on Food Network; Good Eats can still be seen on the Cooking Channel and Netflix.


text:
Religion in International Relations
The Return from Exile
By (author) Fabio Petito Pavlos Hatzopoulos
Format: Paperback
Normal Price: $100.86
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Religion in International Relations by Fabio Petito
Book DescriptionAre the secular foundations of international relations sustainable at present? This comprehensive study shows how the global resurgence of religion confronts international relations theory with a theoretical challenge comparable to that raised by the end of the Cold War or the emergence of globalization. The volume tries to shake the secular foundational myths of the discipline and outline the need for an expansion into religiously inspired spheres of thought. It also challenges the most condemning accusation against religion: the view that the politicization of religion is always a threat to security and inimical to the resolution of conflict. Finally, the task of demystifying religion is taken further with an argument for a stronger and "progressive" political engagement of the worldwide religious traditions in the contemporary globalized era.
Buy Religion in International Relations book by Fabio Petito from Australia's Online Bookstore, Boomerang Books.
Book DetailsISBN: 9781403962072
(216mm x 140mm x 16mm)
Pages: 296
Imprint: Palgrave Macmillan
Publisher: Palgrave Macmillan
Publish Date: 6-Jan-2004
Country of Publication: United Kingdom
Other Editions...
Books By Author Fabio Petito
Towards a Postsecular International Politics, Hardback (August 2014)
An investigation of the postsecular in International Relations and how an increasingly postsecular international politics is contributing to the emergence of new patterns of authority, legitimacy and power in the international system.
Civilizational Dialogue and World Order, Hardback (June 2009)
The book comes at a very critical moment in the debate on civilization and responds to the lack of scholarly attention by international relations and political theorists as to how the discourse of dialogue of cultures, religions, and civilizations can contribute to the future of world order.
International Political Thought of Carl Schmitt, Paperback (March 2008)
Presenting a critical analysis of Carl Schmitt's "The Nomos of the Earth", this book shows how it relates to the epochal changes in the international system that have risen from the collapse of the 'Westphalian' international order. It is of interest to students and scholars of international relations, law and history.
Religion in International Relations, Hardback (July 2003)» View all books by Fabio Petito
This comprehensive study shows how the global resurgence of religion confronts international relations theory with a theoretical challenge comparable to that raised by the end of the Cold War or the emergence of globalization.
» Have you read this book? We'd like to know what you think about it - write a review about Religion in International Relations book by Fabio Petito and you'll earn 50c in Boomerang Bucks loyalty dollars (you must be a member - it's free to sign up!)
Author Biography - Fabio Petito
Carsten Bagge Laustsen, Ph.D. candidate in the Department of Political Science, University of Copenhagen, Denmark Fred Dallmayr, Packey Dee Professor of Government, University of Notre Dame, USA John L. Esposito, Director of the Centre for Muslim-Christian Understanding at Georgetown University, USA Richard Falk, Albert G. Milbank Professor of International Law and Practice, Princeton University and currently Visiting Distinguished Professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, USA Andreas Hasenclever, Research Fellow at the Peace Research Institute, Frankfurt, Germany Vendulka Kubalkova, Professor in the School of International Studies, University of Miami, USA Cecilia Lynch, Associate Professor in the Department of Political Science, University of California, Irvine, USA Terry Nardin, Professor of Political Science, University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, USA Volker Rittberger, Professor of Political Science and International Relations, University of Tubingen, Germany Scott M. Thomas, Lecturer in International Relations, University of Bath, UK John O. Voll, Professor of Islamic History at Georgetown University, USA Ole Waever, Professor in the Department of Political Science, University of Copenhagen, Denmark
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text: Seller: clan_hughes (179) 100%, Location: North Las Vegas, Nevada, Ships to: Worldwide, Item: 222332477514 ~Vintages Brass/Brass Tone Metal and Wood Round Knob Drawer Pulls - Set of 4~ Knobs are about 1 inch in diameter and 1 Inch Tall. Knobs ae in good condition. Missing the screws. Brass/Brass Tone Metal and Wood Centers do show some wear. Please feel free to ask questions Please request an invoice for combined and international shipments before paying for your items We Offer: * Combined Shipping Discounts! * One Business Day Handling Times! * No Packaging or Handling Fees! * World-Wide International Shipping! * 14 Day Hassle Free Return Policy! Buyer is responsible for any import duties, customs fees, taxes or other charges imposed by your country's government or post office - those fees are not included in the shipping cost. All of our items are acquired second hand. While I cannot say what the previous owners may have done, once in our care all items are kept in a smoke free environment Buyers with Low or 0 Feedback Scores: Welcome to eBay! I would be honored to have you as a customer, please feel free to bid on my items. I accept payment via PayPal only. I would appreciate payment within 3 days, but if you need more time please contact me, I am happy to work with you. Condition: Knobs ae in good condition. Missing the screws. Brass/Brass Tone Metal and Wood Centers do show some wear., Color: Medium Wood Tone, Maker: Unknown, Material: Mixed Material


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Hi... I will soon be moving along with my family (H+S) to KL and would like to find a good condo in Brickfields (as we have most of our friends living there). I would like to know about the approximate rental costs for a good 2 room condo in that area.... and also if any of u know/have any houses available for rent. Tnx.


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Bemis, Roach & Reed
Disability Lawyer, Erisa Lawyer, insurance company denied disability
Lonnie Roach is a social security and long term disability attorney located in Austin, Texas dedicated to aggressively helping clients who have been denied or lost their long term disability benefits, social security disability benefits, ERISA appeals or insurance benefits. Mr. Roach is Board Certified by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization and assists clients in Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Dallas, Fort Worth, El Paso, Galveston, Corpus Christi and throughout the state of Texas. He is highly experienced and published in ERISA law – long term disability claims.
Bemis, Roach & Reed is an AV rated firm pursuant to the Martindale-Hubbell Peer Review Ratings and has been successfully helping people fight for their rights against big insurance companies and the government since 1993.
If you have been denied social security disability benefits, or lost your long term disability insurance and are in need of winning litigation attorneys give us a call and let us see if our friendly, professional staff can help you. We offer Free Consultation.
Please call us at (512) 454-4000
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Bemis, Roach & Reed is an Austin, Texas law firm formed to help those who cannot work obtain disability benefit assistance.
The Bemis, Roach & Reed team of highly qualified legal professionals, our support staff, and skilled investigators, share a commitment to the rights of every client. We work aggressively to help clients who have been denied insurance benefits, long term disability benefits, ERISA, or social security disability benefits. Call for a free consultation!
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Eyecaptures Photography was started by Bryan Brough in 2003 since then we have photographed weddings all over the world. Every Bride and Groom we have ever photographed is family, we try to stay in touch with all our couples post wedding and when that happy couple becomes proud parents we are there to take the family portraits. Trust us to photograph your special day and the special days to follow.
Copyright © 2001-2017 OneWed Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Copyright © 2001-2017 OneWed Inc. All Rights Reserved.


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The Best of the Music & Art Scene In New York From A to G. Daily!
Posted by The G on October 16, 2012 under Street Art | Be the First to Comment
Photo by G.
The Architect
Spotted not in Greece, but in LA.
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Two female American journalists face five years or more in a labour camp, after North Korea announced yesterday that they would be prosecuted for allegedly crossing the Stalinist state's border with China.
Euna Lee and Laura Ling of the web-based channel, Current TV, were arrested in mid-March while reporting from the Tumen River, which marks the North Korea's north-east border. They were investigating the plight of North Korean refugees and appear either to have crossed the border or been abducted from the Chinese side by Chinese soldiers
Either way, they have now become pawns in a much larger international diplomatic


text:
Don't Get Behind! Prepare for Your PwC Numerical Test!
Graduate applicant, July 2015
Get the Pack and Start Practising for Your PwC Numerical Test Now!
PwC, CEB, SHL, cut-e, and other trademarks are the property of their respective trademark holders. None of these trademark holders are affiliated with JobTestPrep or this website. Our materials are designed to help you prepare for the types of assessments you will encounter, but they are not identical to them.


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- Dear Miss Mermaid Index and Links at DearMissMermaid.com
- Related Websites
- Dear Miss Mermaid's Daily Britsh Virgin Islands Weather Blog at StormCarib and DearMissMermaid.Com
- Preparing your Boat or Yacht for a Hurricane
- Dear Miss Mermaid Ramblings Blog for today
- The Color of Blue in the Caribbean
- Foxys Wooden Boat Regatta
- Wall Mural on Zion Hill Tortola BVI
- Seagrapes Make Good Wine Too in the BVI
- Jost Van Dyke in the BVI
- Dear Miss Mermaid Ramblings Blog for today
- Plug Your Book! Online Book Marketing for Authors
- eBay 101: Selling on eBay For Part-time or Full-time Income
- Readers Reviews of Hurricanes and Hangovers by Dear Miss Mermaid
- Dear Miss Mermaid Ramblings Blog for May 1, 2009
- table of contents
- Treasure Chest of Online Shopping at DearMissMermaid.Com
- Buy Hurricanes and Hangovers from DearMissMermaid.Com
- Dear Miss Mermaid Archives at StormCarib.com
- Treasure Chest of Online Shopping at DearMissMermaid.Com
- Where to Buy Hurricanes and Hangovers by Dear Miss Mermaid
- Richard Baker, Fisherman, Finally Released
- Awesome Animal Photos at DearMissMermaid.com
- When Graphic Artists Get Bored
- DearMissMermaid.com
- SiteMap for DearMissMermaid.com
- Treasure Chest of Online Shopping at DearMissMermaid.Com
- Buy Hurricanes and Hangovers from DearMissMermaid.Com
- Dear Miss Mermaid Archives at StormCarib.com
- DearMissMermaid.Com Entrance to Home Page
- Today's Joke Feb 12 2008DearMissMermaid.com
- Today's Funny Pictures at DearMissMermaid.com
- Funny Sign Pictures at DearMissMermaid.com
- Surf's Up Picture of the day March 1 2008 at DearMissMermaid.com
- Dump Fire on Tortola March 2008 at DearMissMermaid.com
- Funny Cartoons!
- Ramblings Blog Archive December 06 through October 2007 at DearMissMermaid.com
- Dear Miss Mermaid reports Weather on Tortola, British Virgin Islands
- Halloween Joke at DearMissMermaid.com
- The Froggy Loan at DearMissMermaid.com
- INTERNATIONAL THINKING AT ITS BEST! at DearMissMermaid.com
- Funny Videos
- The Wit of Will Rogers at DearMissMermaid.com
- Coppertone Girl at DearMissMermaid.com
- The Pillsbury Doughboy at DearMissMermaid.com
- How to treat a woman at DearMissMermaid.com
- Letter to the Editor from BVI Islands Heritage Conservation Group
- Summary of the Smugglers Cove and Belmont Pond Draft Management Plan
- More On Save Smugglers Cove Beach in the BVI
- New USA Government Seal
- Idiots of the Year 2006
- If My Body Were a Car at DearMissMermaid.com
- An Old Priest Joke at DearMissMermaid.com
- Save Smugglers Cove Beach at DearMissMermaid.com
- Nine Oldsters Booted out of Nursing Home for Trying to Have an Orgy!
- Hello Daddy? at DearMissMermaid.com
- Ponderisms at DearMissMermaid.com
- Confessions Overheard at DearMissMermaid.com
- High Water Bill Problems at DearMissMermaid.com
- Extreme Acts of Dumb Courage with a 4wd at DearMissMermaid.com
- The Amazing Banana at DearMissMermaid.com
- The New Stress Diet at DearMissMermaid.com
- Brain Exercises at DearMissMermaid.com
- Thoughts on Smugglers Cove Destruction
- Once a Year Laugh
- Six reasons why you should think before you speak
- DearMissMermaid.com
- Tech Support for DearMissMermaid.com
- Blog Archives Dec 23 2006 at DearMissMermaid.com
- Bang on the Drum All Day Video By Todd RundGreen
- EIA gives high marks to Smugglers project
- DearMissMermaid.com DAILY BLOG
- Daily Blog by DearMissMermaid.com
- Yahoo Games
- Easter Week Waves Slam Josiahs Bay Beach
- Mammoth Waves Slam Josiahs Bay Beach Tortola, British VIrgin Islands (Page 2)
- VOTE FOR MY CAT BEFORE APRIL 22nd
- Warning Signs For Women about To Have a Heart Attack
- I'll Drink to THAT
- Who Wants To be A Millionaire
- More Maxine's Cartoons
- Incredible Sunset from Snowy Country at DearMissMermaid.com
- Ice Prince at DearMissMermaid.com
- The SHoe Box at DearMissMermaid.com
- Chinese Eye Test at DearMissMermaid.com
- Fun Facts at DearMissMermaid.com
- Adult Humor at DearMissMermaid.com
- POSITIVE PROOF OF GLOBAL WARMING at DearMissMermaid.com
- Blog February 14 2008 archives for DearMissMermaid.com
- Funny Cartoons at DearMissMermaid.com
- Richard Baker, Fisherman, Finally Released
- How to Recipe for a Bikini Tanned Turkey
- Free Yule Log Download
- Mammogram Info
- He Said, She Said
- Stremnaya Road is called the Road Of Death and its situated in Bolivia
- Christmas Carols for the Disturbed
- Mermaid Jokes
- How to make Slippers For Christmas
- DearMissMermaid.com Mermaid Jokes
- Mermaid Jokes at DearMissMermaid.com
- Welcome to Gate 114
- Woman Pumps Gas on Alleged Car Thief
- Two Guys in Wisconsin Joke
- MSG - The Slow Poisoning Of North America
- Dr Phil
- Why Why Why?
- 30 things
- This is dedicated to those born 1930-1979
- Who is Dear Miss Mermaid?
- Message in a Bottle
- Treasure Chest of Online Shopping at DearMissMermaid.Com
- Related Websites
- Hurricanes and Hangovers
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Lots of Fun Links From Dear Miss Mermaid
DearMissMermaid.Com Entrance to Home Page
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
About That Ocean
Children say the darnedest things...
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.(Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Um.... that is a HILARIOUS newspaper headline! tee hee hee!
Only in the British Virgin Islands...
Dear Miss Mermaid's 2010 Calendars are now on sale and ship worldwide! Six exciting designs to choose from!
You can also buy my book autographed! Click on the link below then click on
6 new from $14.99 (autographed ones are $17.99 and are shipped worldwide)
- Seller: Dear Miss Mermaid
- Rating: (Seller Profile)
- Shipping: In Stock. Expedited shipping available. International shipping available. See Shipping Rates. See return policy.
- Comments: Brand New, SIGNED and SHIPPED BY THE AUTHOR
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Ho Ho Ho!
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
20% off Dear Miss Mermaid's Drinking Mugs
20% off Dear Miss Mermaid's Drinking Mugs
Use Code MUGSHOT
Promotion starts on December 8, 2009, at 12:00 a.m. (PST) and ends on December 8, 2009, at 11:59 p.m. (PST).
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Monday, December 07, 2009
"Santa Claus You are Much too Fat" (Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)
"Santa Claus You are Much too Fat" (Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)
I heard a reindeer hoof,
then Santa dressed in red came crashing thru' the roof,
and landed in my bed.
I thought it was a dream,
but quickly did I wake,
as soon as I heard Santa yell "I want a piece of cake"
Ohhhh, Santa Claus Santa Claus
You are much too fat
I was sleeping peacefully but now my bed is flat.
Ohhhh Santa Claus Santa Claus
How much do you weigh?
I'm glad I'm not a reindeer
That has to pull your sleigh.
He got up off the floor and said "How do you do?"
I said "my back is sore, my head is black and blue"
"So sorry" he replied, and then he asked my name.
He offered me a ride, I said "No thank you just the same."
Ohhhh, Santa Claus Santa Claus
You are much too fat
I was sleeping peacefully but now my bed is flat.
Ohhhh Santa Claus Santa Claus
How much do you weigh?
I'm glad I'm not a reindeer
That has to pull your sleigh.
I heard a "ho ho ho",
the sleigh was in the sky but it was moving slow and wasn't very high
t wobbled in the air,
I hoped it wouldn't fall;
Said Santa chewing cookies "Merry Christmas, one and all!"
Ohhhh, Santa Claus Santa Claus
You are much too fat
I was sleeping peacefully but now my bed is flat.
Ohhhh Santa Claus Santa Claus
How much do you weigh?
I'm glad I'm not a reindeer
That has to pull your sleigh.
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Dear Miss Mermaid Averts Disaster, Again...
I'm in the USA right now.
I had to mail off a super important small package to a sailing friend in Florida. I had finally found the parts I needed to mail, the bubble wrap to protect them, and I had previously picked up the free US Postal Service box to pack it all in.
Their fancy free boxes are like exotic cake boxes and require 5 thumbs and 12 fingers to assemble. Somehow I managed to get the bubble wrapped contents, ensconced in the box, fold up the flat cardboard into the desire box-like shape, (after only 5 tries) peel off the tape strip, which was thoughtfully attached to the box, and stick the whole mess together.
Surprisingly, it looked very neat and professionally done (in under two hours). I put the correct address on it and it was imperative I get it in the mail immediately, despite the storm raging outside.
By the way, I'm camping out at a friend's house until I become un-homeless. My friend yelled "WAIT! I have an envelope for you to mail too!"
I waited another 20 minutes while he got his check, envelope and postage ready. He couldn't find the address to the place where he has mailed a check to for the past 6 years, so I had a delay while he searched the Internet and finally called someone located in India who told him in broken English, the correct US address.
Apparently customer service for many companies has strangely moved to India, presumably because the wages are cheaper and the lawsuits non-existent.
Go figure.
The storm was decidedly worse with a tornado warning, 30-40 mile per hour winds and driving rains. Luckily the post office was only a mile away and they had a drive-through. With the box addressed and stamped plus ditto for the envelope, I thought I could brave the torrential mess and make it back alive.
I was nearly killed!
It was one of those things where folks would have scratched their heads and wondered "WHY was Dear Miss Mermaid run over flat in the middle of a six lane highway during a storm, wearing pajamas?"
I am sure it would have puzzled them for eons.
OK, it wasn't exactly pajamas, (but I do sleep in them) and therefore think them inappropriate for outside wear. My friend had gifted me with sweat pants and a sweat shirt one day when I was shaking from the cold uncontrollably. They make great pajamas and house wear. I see folks out and about in their sweat pants and sweat shirt, but somehow, I just didn't have the nerve to do that.
Until today.
I was all snuggled up in my oversized sweat pants and sweat shirt, plus some fur lined moccasins shod on my feet (mermaids grow feet if they are too far from the ocean too long) and I thought if I dashed out to the clunker of a junker (my latest mode of transport) and only drove straight to the post office drive-through and back, all would be fine and no one would know.
THANK GOODNESS, I decided to put on a long Trench Coat.
Just in case.
Besides my clunker of a junker takes a long time to heat up, and I didn't want to be cold, even for a short ride. This trench coat is long and toasty warm and somewhat impervious to water. The sleeves are a little too long, but as long as my fingers can grip the steering wheel, I was happy for the warm wrists.
So I battled the elements, the chilling rains coming down by the bucketfuls, and prayed the tornado warnings were meant for everybody but me, and set out to drive the one mile to the post office, which included two traffic lights and two turns. After 22 years of driving on the left, I chant to myself "drive on the right, drive on the right" as I go down the road.
Which by the way, did you hear about the tornado that flattened the avocado trees, then tore up the tomato patch and devastated the potato crop? They called it the avocado potato tomato tornado", as it flung tomatoes, dirt laden potatoes, and unripened avocados all over town. (If you're bored, try saying "avocado potato tomato tornado" as fast as you can ten times!)
I was so proud that I remembered to go through the sneaky entrance-only and not the exit. You can't see the sneaky entrance-only, to the post office until it's too late and many end up entering the exit-only. I know because when I went to pick up my free box, I ended up in the exit-only, but no one was there to scold me, so I snuck right in and parked before anyone could yell at me.
But on this wet and showery day, I sailed right through the entrance-only, headed for the exit-only where the drive-through mail boxes are located and all was going well until I stopped at the drive by mail box.
It was high. I mean real high! I mean if I had been driving a huge 18 wheel tractor trailer, then I might have been able to reach the drive through mail box easily. It was pouring rain as I reversed and then drove forward again, skimming the heavy concrete curb, to line up with the box again. It was taller than my clunker of a junker! I listened to the window hiss as the electric motor let it down, and I stretched my arm until I thought it would pop right out of my socket, and I was able to dump the small box and the letter down the chute to the mail box.
I was immensely proud of this feat, in spite of the fact, a gallon of water had just run down the sleeve of my trench coat and deposited icy cold water into my armpit, when a sudden gale came out of nowhere and snatched the letter right out of the mail chute and sent it flying in front of my windshield, then deposited it somewhere in front of my clunker of a junker.
I gasped!
I couldn't just leave it there and go back and tell my friend "Sorry, your check and envelope blew away in the storm, and therefore wasn't mailed at all!"
Even worse, I might have to make a SECOND trip out into this deluge to make good on my errand, once I peeled my friend off the ceiling and got them to write a new check, find an envelope, call India for the address, and OOOPS, I just recalled, we had used their very last stamp on the errant envelope, so this just would not do at all. That would mean I would have to go get dressed so I could go inside the post office and buy another stamp. Tsk tsk tsk.
I put the clunker of a junker into neutral, yanked up the hand brake, made sure it wasn't moving forward or backwards, then tried to climb out of the car. The door hit the mailbox and only gave me a sliver to squish my body, sweat suit and trench coat through, but I made it, then I had to shut the door and walk sideways like a crab and finally I spy THE ENVELOPE in front of the clunker of a junker, inches from a massive rain puddle.
I bent over to retrieve the envelope, the engine still running, and praying silently my clunker of a junker wouldn't suddenly disengage the handbrake and mow me down, when as I swear my fingers were less than an inch from the envelope, a gust of wind picked it up and flung it out into the six lane highway in front of us.
By now, a frigid river of rain was running inside the collar of the trench coat and down my back, slowly filling up my furry moccasins. I watched with profound horror, as a car ran right over the envelope and tossed it into the median.
Now the median on this particular highway is actually what I call a "free for all" as cars and trucks can pull into the median to make left turns, or pull half way across the highway and wait in the median, until they get into a proper lane of traffic going their way. I noticed the envelope had tire treads across the back of it.
As the gullywasher continued around me in near 40 F degree weather, I darted and dashed between cars and trucks and found myself in the median, bending over, once again, to retrieve this g**d*** envelope.
I hear the screech of brakes and look up as the grill of some new exotic car slides to a stop just inches from me bent over and hovering in the median. By now, my hair is soaked, my furry moccasins are rain laden and my throat closes up and my heart stops and I get VERY dizzy. The driver of the sleek car that nearly killed me looks like something out of a bad fright movie.
Like a drunken sailor, I weave and stumble my way back through traffic, stuff the envelope into the mail chute while noting there are three cars patiently waiting behind my parked one so they can use the mail chute too.
I slither sideways between the mail box and my car, open the door and note with disdain, I have left the window down, so the interior of my clunker of a junker is just soaked, and I manage to squeeze myself between the narrow opening and back into my car seat.
I can't breathe, my head is spinning, and my heart has now jump started and is racing away faster than a reggae beat. Everything spins out of control. I sit, dripping and frozen in my clunker of a junker, waiting for air to enter my lungs before I just pass right out.
Someone behind me honks, but there is just nothing I can do. I need AIR. They beep again and I wonder why don't they just call 911 and announce a dead mermaid is blocking the mail chute?
Seconds or minutes, I don't know, I eased off the hand brake, and let the car roll to the edge of the six lane highway and stop again. Maybe this will appease the honker.
I will my lungs to OPEN up and let some air in. Finally, the the air comes, the dizziness leaves and though my heart is still pounding pretty heavily, I see an opening in traffic, so I enter the six lane highway and make it back to my friend's house in a dream like state.
At their driveway, I park and sit and watch the windows steam up. Finally I work up my nerve to brace the icy cold waterfall from the clouds and make a run for their house door.
I rapidly head for their bathroom, hang up my trench coat in the shower, put a towel around my soaked hair, and then head for their living room to stand over the heating vent and try to thaw out. I slip out of my soaked shoes and was sliding on socks when my friend walks into the room.
"What took you so long?"
"Did you mail my envelope?"
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 3 Posted Comments from Readers
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Shopping at Goodwill
Goodwill receives a "kind" donation: $1,500 worth of pot
By Sarah Gilbert
Dec 1st 2009
It seemed like an innocent enough donation. A Marietta, Ohio Goodwill store received a large galvanized metal water jug with a spout -- perfect to hold lemonade during some long-ago summer picnic. Yet, the jug, which was donated anonymously, wasn't holding a refreshing drink; instead, it was filled with a heady cargo of marijuana.
The weed, bagged and labeled according to weight (i.e.; 124 grams) carries a street value of $1,500, local police said, and was about a year old; leading them to conclude that the stash had been accidentally abandoned.
The police, in their thigh-slapping funny way, are asking for the anonymous donor to come forward. "If anybody would like to come in and claim this 'cooler,' which is probably an antique, we would love to have them come in and we'll be more than happy to try and get that cooler returned to them," Marietta Police Capt. Jeff Waite told Charleston, West Virginia news station WSAZ.
Unless the original owner of the pot forgot where he (or she) had stashed his, well, stash, I doubt the donor knew what was inside the ancient-looking jug; so it's unlikely the perpetrator will come forward.
Or maybe this is fodder for some slapstick home-for-Christmas movie, with Judd Apatow cast as the ne'er-do-well grandson who comes back from basic training only to discover that his grandmother has donated his beloved pot to Goodwill. Already I'm imagining the scene in the Marietta thrift store when he tries to recover his drugs by buying the jug...
Hey, I'm off to the Goodwill in Ohio, I want to buy that cooler and herb, and help that Charity out!
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Thursday, November 26, 2009
20% Off Dear Miss Mermaid Calendars and Designs
The folks who handle printing and shipping of Dear Miss Mermaid's 2010 Calendars (six to choose from) are offering TODAY only, 20% off ay purchases made from Dear Miss Mermaid's Treasure Chest. Calendars make a great gift for yourself and others. Everything at the Treasure Chest is 20% off today, so take a look around. You can preview the calendar pages and inspect the spectacular pictures before hand. All
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A Thanksgiving Feast At The Rock Café
A Thanksgiving Feast
At The Rock Café
Virgin Gorda
British Virgin Islands
The Classic Soup
Carrots, pumpkin, orange and ginger zest
November Salad
Fresh baby spinach, green apples, crispy bacon,
dressed with delicious lemon/Dijon vinagrette
Herb-Roasted Turkey
With Pacific Northwest stuffing
The ultimate potatoes au gratin
and sweet peppers "Peperonata"
Rich Rustic Apple Tarte
Complimentary glass of :
Pinot Bianco Fornitz – Italy, 2008
Cabernet Fornitz – Italy, 2008
Price per person: $55.00
Menu a la carte & fresh lobster also available
LIVE WORLD CLASS ENTERTAINMENT at THE PIANO BAR from the US
For Reservation: +1-284-495-5482
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 1 Posted Comments from Readers
Happy Turkey Day!
A big thank you for a beautiful Jacquie Lawson card from my gentle readers, Linda and Jack. I am sharing it with you here, ENJOY!
Check out my bikini Turkey recipe, complete with more pics!
Some of my other recipes:
How to Have a Simple but Elegant Summer Party
How to Make Fast Homemade Basil Parmesan Baked Rolls
How to Recipe for BBQ Pork Baby Back Ribs in the Slow Cooker Crockpot
How to Recipe for Cheese & Fruit Blintzes
How to Recipe for Garlic Bread Braid
How to Recipe for Jack Daniels Pumpkin Pie
How to Recipe for Mexican Stuffed Potato
How to Recipe for Pineapple Mango Ham in the Crockpot
How to Recipe for Spinach Linguine with Mussels and Mushrooms
How to Recipe for Stuffed Eggplant Parmesan
How to Make Fast Homemade Basil Parmesan Baked Rolls
How to Recipe for BBQ Pork Baby Back Ribs in the Slow Cooker Crockpot
How to Recipe for Cheese & Fruit Blintzes
How to Recipe for Garlic Bread Braid
How to Recipe for Jack Daniels Pumpkin Pie
How to Recipe for Mexican Stuffed Potato
How to Recipe for Pineapple Mango Ham in the Crockpot
How to Recipe for Spinach Linguine with Mussels and Mushrooms
How to Recipe for Stuffed Eggplant Parmesan
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra.. .
Hard to Find...
Always Lifts You Up...
Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!
Subject: Ladies Public Restrooms
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless(Gosh, I should have gone to the gym!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious,tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper- not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly,"Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Keep Dear Miss Mermaid Writing
Dear Miss Mermaid is fervently working on 3 more books, yes 3! But the only way to keep her writing is to support her tuna addiction by buying her books or calendars or graphic designs available on various products including apparel and housewares. Otherwise Dear Miss Mermaid has to go get an outside job flipping burgers or something to support her writing addiction. Your support gets more books out on the market sooner and for this, she is eternally grateful!
Save yourself time, gas and stress, shop from your computer for Christmas, wrap and tag your gifts, and call it a "done deal!"
Save yourself time, gas and stress, shop from your computer for Christmas, wrap and tag your gifts, and call it a "done deal!"
For Christmas gifts you have several bargains to choose from on buying Dear Miss Mermaid's latest book "Hurricanes and Hangovers (and other tall tales and loose lies from the coconut telegraph)"
It makes a GREAT gift for anyone who likes to laugh! One size fits all!
Buy 2 or more books from Amazon and get FREE SHIPPING
Buy direct from Dear Miss Mermaid through Amazon and get $1 off (pay $14.99 instead of $15.99 for the book, this is for you folks that are feeling the pinch and need a break)
Get a copy SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR and shipped by Dear Miss Mermaid through Amazon for $17.99 (the extra $2 goes towards the hospital bills, see the July and August blog links at bottom of page for hospital details)
ALL order ship WORLDWIDE!
Also note that, once you use any of these links to enter Amazon, anything else you buy at Amazon (the same day) provides Dear Miss Mermaid a small referral commission.
Shop for 2010 Calendars designed by Dear Miss Mermaid and on sale through CafePress.Com/DearMissMermaid . Choose from six designs that include stunning photographs, a different one for each month. You can even preview all the photos before buying. All calendars ship worldwide, as do the numerous other products available there too.
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 1 Posted Comments from Readers
Monday, November 23, 2009
Bet This Pilot Needs New Undies Now
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Bad Bad Parrot!
The old ones are the best !!!
John received an older parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. In desperation, John threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I please ask what that turkey did?"
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Hilarious Cat and Cop Video
The cat tried everything to keep this cop from writing a ticket!
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 1 Posted Comments from Readers
Painful Times
Sometimes the waves of pain hit. I can't think, my mind is filled with pain. Due to the numerous harmful effects of prescription pain killers, I avoid them unless I am screaming uncontrollably.
I have bottles of the stuff, and I try to leave it in the bottle. Many cause kidney and liver damages, so I don't want to add insult to injury, if at all possible.
But sometimes the hurt is overwhelming and all I can do is stop what I am doing and focus on breathing exercises and chanting until the physical annoyance subsides. Sometimes this makes me incredibly sleepy and sleep is a great way to ease pain too. But if you are out in public, this can pose a serious problem.
Once the pain is gone, I get on with life! I am grateful to be alive today and tremendously thankful for the times I am pain free.
I recently got stuck in the back of a large discount store. I was suddenly in so much pain, my head was swimming and I was fighting the urge to just scream out loud! I frantically looked around the huge store for a place to sit and was trying to make my way to the restrooms and sit there if need be, though it's not that comfy, if you don't really need the toilet, as many public bathrooms don't have a place to sit except the toilet.
Thank goodness I had a rolling buggy cat with me, as I was leaning heavily on it while I searched for a place to rest before I just passed right out.
The angels must have been watching me and carefully steered me to the only place to sit in the entire humongous store: a cheap dining set that was on display. I quickly pulled out a chair and sat down. I began my breathing exercises and inner chanting, until the pain subsided.
Years ago, I spent a small fortune with a legitimate hypnotist who taught me a great deal about pain management. I won't go into the whole detail here, but basically, I focus on an object and think of a very pleasant area (it's the same place each time) while I silently chant over and over until the pain is gone.
It works, but it takes time and focusing, hence staring at one object and clearing out the brain. Thinking of the pleasant place, brings on a flood of good feelings, while I chant to myself silently over and over, which also clears the brain. Basically, I am telling my brain to cease all functions except eliminating the pain. The brain is a powerful tool that many of us woefully under use. By trying to chase out all other thoughts, I then try to channel all my brain power into eliminating the pain.
It's not easy, but it works!
After awhile, in the store, consciousness came back to me and I became aware that other shoppers were passing by me with strange looks pointed at me, which embarrassed me. I grew up in the old south and blush at the tiniest indiscretion.
I needed to rest a few more minutes, to regather my strength to get out of the store and into the car and home again. Well at least to my temporary home, where I could rest without worry.
I began studying the table, rubbing my hands on it. I pulled out pen and paper and pretended to scribble down notes. I squeezed the padding of the chairs and made a scribble and so on. Now the shoppers were ignoring me. Then I discovered on a pole behind me was the computer price checker thingy. So I slid my chair over and began pulling things out of my cart and beeping them through, whenever a shopper appeared on my aisle.
An employee never turned up, thankfully, but if they had, I would have had to tell them the truth, I was feeling quite ill and just needed to sit for a few minutes. I noticed all their other furniture, sofas, chairs and so on, were on high shelves, so you could look at them but not sit on them. I can't imagine buying sitting furniture and not being able to sit on it first, but I guess that's how the discount stores do it. I don't know, I wasn't shopping for furniture.
So today, I started on my projects and then keep getting interrupted by the pain, but I stop, do my thing, and the pain goes away, then I go back to work.
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Saturday, November 21, 2009
Big Favor to Ask my Readers
If you have read my book, please think about posting a Review at Amazon. I can not post my own reviews, so while I greatly appreciate any reviews you email me directly with, I'm not allowed to post them at Amazon, only you can.
To post a review, click on the advertisement. Thank you VERY much!
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I haven't written much at all about what's happened to Dear Miss Mermaid...
She set off traveling 6 or 7 weeks ago. She had one of her trusted buddies with her; a cat who has resided with her for about 9 years. They were planning to acquire and old used motorhome and go on a book tour (promoting and selling books and finishing up the next book).
In sailor terms:
She set sail and on the final leg of the first day's journey, the mermaid's cat of 9 years, escaped. He is presumed alive and living among pirates. DMM detoured and searched fervently then she ended up marooned far inland, about 60 miles from where the cat vanished, also inland.
To find the putty-tat, she bought a wreck of a car (which was not the original intended mode of travel) and began traveling back to the area searching for the errant feline to no avail. Yes, it's a running wreck, banged up and only 20 years old, but the engine runs great.
DMM became seriously ill again, and further physical searches for the pussy cat temporarily ceased although a few neighborhood posters were put up, the neighborhood is very rural with few places to post at all.
Meanwhile, to aid in finding the errant cat, DMM offered a reward, utilized an automated fee-paid phone call alert service, attempted to hire a cat tracker, posted numerous Internet ads, bought newspaper ads in 8 newspapers, posted neighborhood posters and mailed out 1,000 custom printed postcards offering a reward for the kitty cat.
And still no critter.
Meanwhile, a very sad and lonely DMM continues to be marooned, on a friend's sofa, while she recuperates, looks for the missing feline and contemplates her future. Previously, a friend donated two stuffed kitties to keep her company in the hospital, and they are still keeping stoic company with her now.
None of this was in the original plans, when DMM set out. Searching for the beloved cat, has turned out to be expensive and practically eliminated the traveling kitty (funding) as well.
You plan one thing, then something else entirely different happens.
I guess that's called life.
DMM is working on plan B, that life might have to go on, even with the cat missing in action and this has been one tough pill to swallow that Dear Miss Mermaid just spits right back up. She refuses to give up hope or searching for the lost cat. 51 days and counting.
ON SALE, Ships Worldwide:
Designs by Dear Miss Mermaid including 2010 Calendars (Numerous novelty gifts to choose from.)
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 1 Posted Comments from Readers
Thursday, November 19, 2009
No Email for Dear Miss Mermaid!
I haven't been able to access my email or computer for a few days now. First AOL started randomly crashing, then my laptop computer crashed. Granted it is old technology, for economic reasons, I need to slug away with it as long as possible. I can't just rush out and buy a new computer, when I have all these medical bills looming heavily over my head.
I've always paid my bills, but this medical nightmare has really thrown a monkey wrench into things. Income went down, bills went up and suddenly things are a mess.
Also, I was working part-time for a company that saw my sudden hospitalization as a reason not to pay me my back earnings. Shame on them! I continue to try to collect, and they continue to try to dodge me.
Sooooooooo.......... if you read my blogs and wonder why I haven't been able to update, it's because some of my blogs are email driven and some are not. Either way I need a computer to write.
I am trying to uninstall AOL and the install their new 9.5 version and see if that helps. My current version doesn't seem to work at all, possibly because my computer crashed a lot lately.
Oh my goodness, please don't force me into widows Vista. I've worked with it and found it horrible and don't wish to work with it again.
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Where is Dear Miss Mermaid?
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
How to Get your Email Under Control Again
Again, just checking mail. Been busy but sorry I missed so much. I'm changing my address for email, 350 emails in my box!!! I have no time but to delete, but I go through one by one, given the time.
How to Get your Email Under Control Again by Dear Miss Mermaid
There are many legitimate reasons to have multiple email addresses, and this presorts your email so you know which accounts have the stuff you want to read and which accounts you can just hit the delete all when you open them.
My list of six email accounts are sorted something like this:
Trusted friends and relatives
Junk & Other Website Requirements
Bulletin Board, Chat Room, Networking Sites
Mail Order Confirmations
Many sites want your email address before you can use the free site. In reality, many are simply asking you for your email so they can automatically subscribe you to their newsletters, and many unscrupulous sites sell and give away your address, and soon you have hundreds if not thousands of emails you never wanted.
Before I sign up on a website, I open up my junk email, delete everything, then sign up for the website, I wait for the email confirmation or whatever I have to do to gain entry to the site. Now these folks don't have my REAL email address, they only have my junk email address.
Elsewhere, I make a note of log-in names and password if need be, if I plan to visit the site again.
Changing your REAL email address is a true pain in the elbow and you invariably lose contact with folks you would actually like to hear from. So have several email addresses for various uses and your email will become presorted and controllable.
Many websites insist you sign up with your email name to access their site. This can be rather frustrating, but always use your "Junk email" name. Then you can retrieve whatever password or link they send you to enable you to access the site. Any more junk they choose to send you ends up there and not in your REAL email address. Use your real email address for trusted friends and relatives.
Now, open up your real mail and sort it quickly before you start reading anything. YOu may still have to use "report spam" and email those pecky folks that forward everything under the sun to you.
Use your "report spam" button for the spammers on all accounts, when you have time. This helps the rest of the world and spam sorting programs figure out who is sending all this unwated spam.
Delete the "forwards" unless you were expecting a "forward"
Email the people who forward stuff, you never read, and ask them to please remove you from their forward list. Some people use your email address found on "forwards" to send you even more junk. It can quickly spiral out of control. If the person refuses to stop sending you forwards, then write and tell them you have changed your email address ad give them your junk email address. Block their address from your real email, if they never send you personal or useful emails anyhow.
Having my email presorted, has worked wonders. I know where to find my business email, here again, only used for business. If folks start filling it up with forwards, I send them a nice note, and if that doesn't stop the forwards and crap, then I block their email. True business professionals, will not abuse your business email. For the most part, my business email is easy to navigate. Ditto for my real email for trusted friends and relatives, folks that actually write me a personal note and that I want to correspond with.
I love opening my junk email, laughing out loud at the 2116 emails from the past few days, selecting all and reporting spam or deleting them.
By having several email accounts, for specific reason, I am able to plow through my important emails rather quickly.
I am a picky consumer, and do not randomly shop for junk. Sometimes I resort to mail-order to get the just-perfect thing I desire. I might be picky about size or color or something. Much of my life I have lived in space challenged places where I had no room for junk anyhow, so my few purchases had to be well chosen for durbility, size, aethtics and so on. Living on a boat, owning something, meant having a place to store it safely too, so I am often picky about measurements, weight and so on.
I have a specail email account just for my mail orders, so I can recive invoices, confirmations or correspond about the product if there is a problem. Most reputable businesses let you opt-out of the newsletters and sale papers and so on. If they come to abuse my account to heavily, it's easy to close it our and open up a new email account. Next time I mail-order, I can give them the new email address.
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
20% Off Dear Miss Mermaid Calendars and Designs
Follow this link and use code 20EARLYBIRD, today only November 19th to buy 2010 Calendars or other products designed by Dear Miss Mermaid.
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
Monday, November 16, 2009
Press Two For English
I came to America and is English still the national language? Seems like everywhere I call, some computer type voice answers and tells me to press one for English!
Good grief.
Allergists voted to scratch it, but
the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but
the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while
the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while
the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and
the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but
the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and
the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
I expected and encountered this sometimes overseas, where people from various countries may be reaching the same call center, but in America?
Are these calls actually being routed overseas and they have no idea who is calling so therefore they have to give us a list of languages? Are Americans no longer expected to be able to speak English? I thought that's why Puerto Ricans get English classes at school, because they are Americans and should at least know the language of the mother country, even if they do continue to speak only Spanish out of cultural pride.
Why not expand on this whole language concept? Here's Dear Miss Mermaid's take on it:
You have reached out automated dis-service:
Press One if you're Lonely
Press Two for English
Para Espanol, Oprima Numero Tres
Slap dat Fo' fo' Ebonics or ax fo' da brutha or sista
Press Five for Southern and if ya fixin' to hang up, ya'll come back, ya hear?
Press Six for sign language, if you are deaf
Press Seven if you're lucky
Press Eight for braille
Press Nine if you are mute
Press Zero if you have Alzheimer's
Press Ten if you are Blond
Press Pound for a game of Tic-Tac-Toe while you wait
Press Four Twenty if you are stoned (and forgot why you called)
Pres Six Six Six for the devil
Press Star to curse the system
Press Sixty-Nine for Sex
Press Eighty-Six if you are out of it
Press N.O. for Cajun Music while you wait
Press Nine One One if this phone system is killing you
Press Bubba for Rednecks and don't be pressin' no more numbas or dis phone whip your ass
To hear this recording again; hang up and redial...
Press here to buy my book: Hurricanes and Hangovers (and other tall tales & loose lies from the coconut telegraph) by Dear Miss Mermaid
Press there to see my new 2010 Calendars also by Dear Miss Mermaid
Speaking of Manners...
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
" Michael, if you were on a date having dinner witha nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: "Just a minute, I have to go pee."
The teacher responded saying: " That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said: " I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
" That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table"
" And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
Johnny said: " I would say....Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
" Michael, if you were on a date having dinner witha nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: "Just a minute, I have to go pee."
The teacher responded saying: " That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said: " I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
" That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table"
" And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
Johnny said: " I would say....Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
Speaking of Heaven... (this story was told to me)
I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church;
Would that get me into Heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?'
Again, the answer was, 'NO!'
By now I was starting to smile.
Hey, this was fun!
'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?'
I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, 'NO!'
I was just bursting with pride for them.
'Well,' I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'
A five-year-old boy shouted out,
The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Universal
Health Plan.
Health Plan.
Allergists voted to scratch it, but
the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but
the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while
the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while
the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and
the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but
the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and
the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
And Now for Today's Naughty Joke...
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.
'What a coincidence!' said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' said the man.
'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile ?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence'.
The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.
'What a coincidence!' said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' said the man.
'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile ?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence'.
(Now I think I've about mananged to insult most everybody, but have a great day anyhow!)
Written by DearMissMermaidDotCom 0 Posted Comments from Readers
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