text: [[quoteright:315:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/grif-protect_me_cone_2876.png]][[caption-width-right:315:PROTECT ME, CONE!]]->'''Wash:''' That was the worst throw ''ever''. Of all time.\\'''Caboose:''' Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.Every episode of ''Machinima/RedVsBlue'' has a Crowning Moment of Funny. These are the best ones. '''Watch for unmarked spoilers in the folders below.'''----[[foldercontrol]][[folder: Season 1]]* The joke that started it all, "Hey. You ever wonder why we're here?"-->'''Grif:''' That's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why ''are'' we here? Are we the product of some cosmic coincidence? Or is there a Creator...with a plan. I dunno, but the thought keeps me up at night, man.-->'''Simmons:''' ...No. I mean, why are we ''here'', in this box canyon?* Simmons pointing out the pure FridgeLogic of the capture the flag in Bloodgulch. -->'''Simmons:''' We'd have two bases in the middle of a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. Whoopdy fucking do. * When Tucker asks Church what the Reds are doing, Church goes into this rant that the Reds are just standing around and talking; That's what they've done, it's what they're doing, and it's what they'll ever do.-->'''Tucker:''' …What are they talking about?-->'''Church:''' ...Y'know what? I fucking hate you.* The iconic Warthog[=/=]Puma exchange from Episode 2, but also Sarge's casual threats to kill Grif:--> '''Sarge:''' God''damn'' it, Private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!\\'''Sarge:''' Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.** The best part of that bit is how willing Simmons is to comply:--> '''Simmons:''' Oh, I'll do it, sir!** There's also Sarge's extremely sarcastic confirmation of Grif's questioning that the war is over.---> '''Sarge''': That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out ''you're'' the big hero, and we're gonna hold a ''parade'' in your honor! I get to drive the float, and Simmons here '''''IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!'''''** In the middle of that, there is---> '''Sarge''': See these tow hooks? They look like tusks. Now what kind of animal has tusks.---> '''Grif''': A walrus.---> '''Sarge''': God dammit, didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?** And then there's this legendary exchange between Tucker and Church after the Reds get the Warthog/Puma/Chupathingy:---> '''Tucker:''' You can't pick up chicks in a tank.---> '''Church:''' Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're gonna get a tank, and you're worried about chicks- what chicks are we gonna pick up man?! And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?* Donut's ComicallyMissingThePoint moment. ---> '''Donut:''' Elbow grease? How stupid do they think I am? As soon I get back to base with that [[SnipeHunt headlight fluid]], I'm talking to the sergeant. ** For that matter, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9eS8PtfmRg headlight fluid]].* Caboose's antics with Sheila the tank.--> '''Caboose''' Hello, Sheila... big... tank lady** At one point, Caboose steers the tank up onto a rock.-->'''Caboose:''' Why are there six pedals when there are only four directions?!** Culminating in:---> '''Tucker:''' You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!* Church and Tucker's last words. ---> '''Church:''' I just wanted you to know. I always hated you. I always hated you the most.---> '''Tucker:''' I know. Now shut up and die, you prick.* This discussion as Sheila continuously shoots the Warthog: ---> '''Tucker:''' Why do you keep shooting the jeep? ---> '''Caboose:''' Because it's locked on! ---> '''Tucker:''' Well, ''un''lock it! ---> '''Caboose:''' Last time I unlocked it, ''I killed Church!'' ---> '''Tucker:''' ...oh. Keep shooting the jeep, then. * From episode 10:-->'''Tucker:''' Hello, Command! We need help!-->'''Vic:''' Roger that, Blood Gulch. What is your request?-->'''Tucker:''' I don't know what the technical military term is for it, but, uh, we're pretty fucked up down here. We need men!-->'''Vic:''' Dude. How long have you guys been down there for?* From episode 10, while Church is telling a story of his experience being terrorized by Tex on the ice planet Sidewinder:-->'''Church:''' Private Mickey was the first to go. He was halfway across he base, when all of a sudden, he just started screaming bloody murder.\\(''[[FunnyBackgroundEvent Private Mickey seen spinning around shooting the ground wildly in the background]]'')\\'''Private Mickey:''' ''[[LiteralMinded Bloody murder! Bloody murder!]]''-->''(...)''-->'''Church''': Poor Jimmy was the last one to go. Tex walked up behind him, pulled Jimmy's skull out of his head and beat him to death with it.-->'''Tucker''': Wait a second. How do you beat someone to death with his own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible.-->'''Church''': That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.-->'''Jimmy''': ''(While Tex is melee attacking him with the Oddball)'' [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike This doesn't seem physically possible!]][[/folder]][[folder:Season 2]]* "I can't believe Church shot me." "''Oh, don't even START, Caboose!''"** And right before that:--->'''Doc''': Besides, I'm not supposed to get involved unless someone gets hurt.\\'''Church''':... I see...\\(Aim somewhere off-screen, and shoot)\\'''Caboose''': Oww! My foot!\\'''Church''': Well, looks like Caboose just hurt himself! Maybe you should get over there and help him, Doc.\\'''Doc''': You know, you could have just asked nicely...* From Episode 20:-->'''Doc''': I'm a pacifist.-->'''Caboose''': You're a thing that babies suck on?-->'''Tucker''': [[CrossesTheLineTwice No dude, that's a pedophile.]]* From Episode 21:-->'''Church''': Alright, you! Doc! Get over there and help Caboose!\\'''Doc''': My name isn't Doc. It's Dufresne.\\'''Church''': Yeah. I can't pronounce that. So from now on, it's Doc.\\'''Doc''': I'm not really comfortable with that. I'm not a doctor; I'm a [[TheMedic medic]].\\'''Tucker''': What's the difference?\\'''Doc''': Well, a doctor cures people. A medic makes them more comfortable... While they die.\\'''Tucker''': Mental note: Don't ''ever'' get shot.* In episode 22, Doc asks Grif the one question any sane man would ponder after being introduced to the Red and Blue teams;-->'''Doc:''' Do they put something in the water here?\\'''Grif:''' Water? We ran out of water six months ago.\\'''Doc:''' No water... Then what do you drink?\\'''Grif:''' Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy...the usual.\\'''Sarge:''' I only drink the blood of my enemies...and occasionally a strawberry yoohoo.* '''EVERYTHING''' in Episode 28.5, "The Last Episode Ever".--> '''Grif:''' But how'd you get out of there?! I tied you up and poured ''concrete'' over the grave! Just in case you turned into a zombie!--> '''Sarge:''' Yes, but you made one crucial mistake: you left me my spoon.--> '''Grif:''' NO!--> '''Sarge:''' That's right! I '''ate''' my way out! The soft earth was like a delicious butterstotch brownie to me!* "Operation Circle of Confusion":--> '''Church:''' All right, get ready to launch Operation Circle of Confusion.--> '''Tucker:''' Uh, Church? It kinda looks more like a triangle from down here.--> '''Church:''' What?--> '''Tucker:''' I'm just saying, it doesn't look much like a circle. It looks more like we're forming a triangle. Just a side note.--> '''Church:''' OK, fine. Triangle of Confusion! Rhombus of Terror! [[RuleOfThree Parabola of Mystery!]] Who cares? ''Get the goddamn show on the road!''* This absolute gem from O'Malley:---> '''O'Malley:''' They will all taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull! Which is disgusting.* We see how Caboose views everyone in Blood Gultch, and it's hilarious.** Mental Church is a SirSwearsAlot that has some funny lines.** Mental Grif is Yellow (not orange)** Mental Donut is a female.--->'''Mental Donut:''' My favorite thing is pretty dresses.** Mental Sarge has a pirate accent, which Church points out isn't [[EpicFail even close]] to a Southern Accent---> '''Mental Sarge:''' Argh, I be having a southern accent, your luck.[[/folder]][[folder:Season 3]]* "Oh, ''no!'' ''I'm'' the team-killing fucktard!" "You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!"* From episode 51:-->'''Church''': I uh, I need help on a very top secret project, uh, that's very secret. [{{Beat}}] And very top.* The Red vs. Blue Battle in Episode 39, particularly this:--> '''Red Soldier:''' (is shot) Ah, you fucking camping bitch!--> '''Blue Soldier:''' (running away) It's a legitimate strategy!** So funny [[http://redvsblue.com/store/product.php?id=76 they turned it into a shirt.]]** You can see the clip [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLMYTQUw8Lc here.]]** This bit as well:-->'''Red Soldier 1:''' Everyone! Everyone! Look unto me! I possess the Blue Flag!-->'''Red Soldier 2:''' It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!-->'''Red Soldier 1:''' I have seen the top of the mountain, [[AGodAmI and you will worship me as though I were a God!]] (''*gets ambushed by Blue Soldiers*'') I regret nothing! I lived as few men dared to dream!* "My name is Michael J. Caboose. And '''''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis I. Hate. Babies.]]'''''" As well as his follow-up, "[[SeriousBusiness Your toast is burnt.]] [[MundaneMadeAwesome And no amount of scraping will]] [[AndIMustScream remove the black part.]]"* From episode 47, when they're trying to get Tex to help with Lopez.-->'''Tucker:''' Just ''hire her''.\\'''Grif:''' What?\\'''Tucker:''' Hire her to help you get Lopez back. She'll do anything for money.\\'''Tex:''' That's not true.\\'''Tucker:''' It's not? I'll give you ten bucks to tear off Grif's arm.\\'''Tex:''' Which one's Grif?* In Season 3, we find out that Caboose is the DumbMuscle of the group, and Sarge's advice on lifting is absolutely horrible, culminating in his claim that you shouldn't exhale on every lift - [[YouFailBiologyForever under stress, the body produces all the oxygen it needs!]]* While Tex is talking about the things she does when she's mad (long story), Tucker and Caboose add this little gem:-->'''Tucker:''' Also, mention that you like to punch people when they sleep.-->'''Caboose:''' ''(devastated)'' That was you?! ''(about to cry)'' I thought the tooth fairy was mad at me.* Tex staring at Tucker's sword throughout episode 53. Her head even follows it as it moves around.-->'''Church:''' She's been staring at you non-stop since you found that thing.\\'''Tex:''' ''[long pause while she keeps staring]'' That's not true.\\'''Church:''' You haven't taken your eyes off it.\\'''Tex:''' Yes I have.\\'''Church:''' Then why haven't you looked at me the entire time I've been talking?\\'''Tex:''' [[BlatantLies I'm looking at you right now.]]\\'''Church:''' No you're not!\\'''Tex:''' I've already seen you. Not too impressed.* What are the Reds up to with their Warthog in episode 54?-->'''Caboose:''' They are probably trying to tune in to the distress signal they heard on the radio.\\'''Church:''' What makes you say that?\\'''Caboose:''' Oh, ''I know all the details.'' They were in their car -- THE BOSS HOG -- when Simmon heard a distress signal on the radio! And Gruff was in the backseat. With a monkey.\\'''Tucker:''' Hmm, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that ''some'' of that is wrong.\\'''Church:''' How do you know all this, Caboose?\\'''Caboose:''' Andy told me.\\'''Church:''' Andy? Who's Andy? ''(turns to Tucker)'' Are you... are you Andy?\\'''Tucker:''' I'm not Andy, I'm Tucker.\\'''Church:''' No-- I know! What's your first name?\\'''Tucker:''' Lavernius.\\'''Church:''' Lavernius? Well then, who's this Andy c-- Wait a minute. ''(to Tucker)'' ...Are you black?\\'''Tucker:''' Me?\\'''Church:''' Yeah.\\'''Tucker:''' Does it matter?\\'''Church:''' No. ...I'm just curious.\\'''Tucker:''' Well, if it doesn't matter, then why are you curious?\\'''Church:''' I don't know! I guess... that's just something I should have picked up on after all this time.\\'''Tucker:''' You know what else you should have picked up on? ''My fucking first name!''* When Grif is sent to distract the Blues, and finds them gathered around Andy and trying to calm him down.-->'''Caboose:''' You are in a cool river, where no one disturbs you, or calls you names. Like "Bomby." Or, "The Exploding Jerk." There are sheep nearby, the kind that don't blow up, you are happy. But not overly happy... Regular happy.\\'''Tex:''' Breathe in through your nose ''(takes a breath, and exhales through her mouth)'' and out through the mouth. Again, in through the nose ''(takes a breath)'', and out through the mouth.\\'''Church:''' Uh, maybe I'll get some candles, would you like some candles, or some incense? How 'bout that?\\''[Grif quietly backs out]''\\'''Simmons:''' What're you doing back so soon? That was the shortest distraction of all time.\\'''Sarge:''' What's wrong? What were the Blues doing?\\'''Grif:''' You know? I can honestly say I have no idea what I just saw. Can I quit the army now? Seriously, I think I've seen everything I need to see at this point.* O'Malley, with his robot army complete, launches war on the Reds and Blues! Except, because Lopez was asked for an army that will bring a ''day'' of victory, made the robots incapable of going more than a one mile per hour. Apparently, this will allow O'Malley to win in 24 hours.-->"Chaaaaarge…"[[/folder]][[folder:Season 4]]* After a failed attempt to hunt down the alien that ended in a hasty retreat.-->'''Church:''' You know, we could've taken that alien out if I'd hit him just a few more times.\\'''Tucker:''' A few more times? How about ''one'' time?\\'''Church:''' Well I think I landed at least two or ''three'' shots.\\'''Tucker:''' Yeah right.\\'''Tex:''' You didn't hit anything but the wall.\\'''Church:''' How the hell would ''you'' know? You were running straight backwards.\\'''Tex:''' This is a long-range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively.\\'''Tucker:''' Where were you planning on shooting him from, the fucking ''moon?'' If you'd backed up any further, you'd have had to ''mail'' him the bullets.* The episode where Tucker and Caboose go on a quest with the alien, but before they do, they find out Tex has been [[BiggusDickus looking at the alien's genitals]]...-->'''Tucker''': Let me put it this way - I felt less threatened when Tex was staring at just the sword.-->'''Tex''': [[DistractedByTheSexy Huh, what? Oh!]] Uh, yeah, um... I was just admiring his... his alien muscle structure.-->'''Tucker''': Yeah, one particular part [[BiggerIsBetterInBed of his muscle structure]].-->'''Tex''': Well, that's just a [[FreudianSlip matter of penis]]-- I mean uh, [[VerbalBackspace opinion!]] Opinion! That's... [-that's what I meant.-]-->'''Church''': Smooth.-->'''Caboose''': You told me that was another arm!-->'''Alien''': ''BLURRRRRRGH!''-->'''Andy''': Hey, Caboose! High Five!-->'''Caboose''': I don't want to do that anymore...* Episode 73 has a pretty clever joke from Caboose of all people when discussing that perhaps the sword is what's making Tucker ill:--> '''Church:''' Maybe it runs on radiation and it's poisoning him.--> '''Caboose:''' ''Or'', maybe it runs on solar power!--> '''Church:''' Wait, no, why would solar power make him sick?--> '''Caboose:''' ...Is he a republican?* Church's pregnant guy rant:-->'''Church''': Okay, guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, AND our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY don't have time for this horse-shit right now!-->{{Beat}}-->'''Grif''': ...Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?-->'''Church''': HE'S NOT PREGNANT! That's impossible.--> '''Andy:''' Yeah, unless the Alien impregnated him. That's what they do, they infect the host with a parasitic embryo. Hahaha! But you already knew that, right? Right?--> '''Church:''' What? NO! Why didn't you tell us that could happen?!--> '''Andy:''' Uhh, I mean uhh, Alien baby? How could that have happened? I am just as shocked as you are...* Episode 74, "Right to Remain Silenced". After Simmons returns to the Red Team, Sarge insists on having a trial to determine what his fate for insubordination and treason should be:--> '''Simmons:''' We don't even have a judge!--> '''Sarge:''' Inaffirmative. In my civilian life, I worked as a judge for many years.--> '''Grif:''' What level? Municipal? Federal?!--> '''Sarge:''' Livestock. And occasionally agriculture. Now let's find out if Simmons is guilty of treason -- or best in breed! ** Later on:--> '''Grif:''' Look it's only a matter of time before Donut finds out we're having this trial.--> '''Sarge:''' I'm listening.--> '''Grif:''' Well, if you're the judge and the DA, and I'm the defense, you know Donut's gonna wanna be the bailiff, and that means he's gonna wanna wear the cop uniform with the short shorts.--> '''Simmons:''' Ugh. [[BrainBleach Officer Hotpants]].--> '''Grif:''' Exactly. And I think we can all remember that dance routine from Sarge's birthday party.--> '''Simmons:''' (scene switches to Halo 1 engine) ''Oh my God, that cake is huge! It's big enough to fit a person in it.'' --> '''Grif:''' ''Why does the cake smell like baby oil? OH GOD, WHERE'S DONUT?!'' ** And then O'Malley negotiating with the Blues.--> '''O'Malley:''' Huhuhuhuhuhuh oh yes you will. You will or your little friend Tucker will die, die a most horrible death. And you know his blood will be on your hands. Years from now, you'll drive yourself mad wondering if there was anything you could have done to save him, so you will agree to what I want. [[LargeHam You will agree even though what I want is something mysterious,]] [[EvilIsHammy what I want is something frightening, what I want is something PUUUUUUUUUURE EEEEEEEEEEVIL, AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!]] ({{Beat}}) I've also been told that a twenty dollar co-pay is pretty much standard.--> '''Church:''' Alright fine.--> '''O'Malley:''' Ha haha you fool. And we want the twenty dollars up-front.--> '''Church:''' Fine.--> '''O'Malley:''' And in cash.--> '''Church:''' Whatever.--> '''O'Malley:''' [[EvilIsPetty Ah, you moron. If you had used a credit card, you could have gotten airline miles. Or at least a 30-day grace period with no interest. You FISCALLY irresponsible fools.]]--> '''Church:''' Caboose give me $20. Wait, give me $30.[[/folder]][[folder:Season 5]] * From Episode 78, Church calls dibs on a spaceship:-->'''Grif''': You can't call dibs on a spaceship. That's ridiculous.-->'''Church''': Yes I can. Dibs. See, I just did it again. Now, get the fuck away from my spaceship, tomato can.-->'''Simmons''': Don't call me tomato can.-->'''Grif''': [[TemptingFate Try and take it then.]]-->'''Church''': Um, Ok. Sheila? ''*camera pans to [[TankGoodness Sheila the Scorpion]]*''-->'''Sheila''': You bet. ''*points cannon at red team.*''-->'''Grif''': Fuck!-->'''Church''': You kinda forget about that too, didn't you?-->'''Simmons''': Yeah, kinda.-->'''Sheila''': Now, step away from the ship you tomato can.-->'''Church''': Ha ha. Tomato can.-->'''Sheila''': You too, Lemon head.-->'''Grif''': Hey, I'm orange, not yellow. ''*Church continues laughing*''** In the next episode, Sarge goes on a rant about the International system of Dibs and the No-Take-Back Policy. He then proceeds to call next.* From Episode 83 (Grif's roasting of Sarge ''[[NotQuiteDead at his own funeral]]''):--> '''Grif''': And I'm not asking, and he's not telling, but I heard when Donut first came to the base, Sarge spent a lot of time talking about glazed Donut holes, if you know what I mean! Hi-yo!--> '''Simmons:''' ''{{Too Soon}}!''--> '''Grif:''' Hey now!** The whole freaking funeral.--> '''Grif:''' (To [[NotQuiteDead Sarge]]) [[TheStarscream Is he campaigning for your position at your own funeral?]] ''Classy.''* The [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znAamKnJagI epic battle between Church and a voicemail system]].--> '''Grif:''' I bet the Blues don't have to put up with anything ''this'' annoying.--> '''Voice-Messaging System:''' [[DescriptionCut To mark this message as "Urgent", press 11.]]--> '''Church:''' THERE '''IS''' NO ELEVEN, YOU '''''FUCKING WHORE!!!'''''--> '''Doc:''' Oooh, language!* Church figuring out that Gamma has been lying to him throughout the entire series so far.-->'''Church:''' You're a computer. I thought computers can't lie.\\'''Gamma:''' They can if they are programmed to lie.\\'''Church:''' Were you programmed to lie?\\''{{Beat}}''\\'''Gamma:''' [[HesitationEqualsDishonesty No.]]\\'''Church:''' God damn it.* Everything Sister says veers into CrossesTheLineTwice territory. --> '''Sister:''' Well they say girls can't ejaculate either but guess what!** She also got kicked of the cheerleading team twice for cheering for the wrong team.* Any part of Episode 100, "Why Were We Here?" involving Omega {{Body Surf}}ing between various members of the Blood Gulch crew and becoming some kind of comical exaggeration of his victim's various personality quirks.--> '''Infected Simmons:''' First, I'm going to kill you, and then my plan to be leader of the Reds will be complete! After that I'm going to kill every being in the universe. From now on, everyone will kiss ''my'' ass! --> '''(Re)Infected Caboose:''' I'd love to talk on the radio. What? What am I doing in ''this'' idiot? --> '''Infected Donut:''' That's the problem with living in a patriarchal society, men just automatically assume they know everything. Hahaha!--> '''Infected Sarge:''' Eat lead, world! Drop and give me infinity!--> '''Infected Grif:''' Whoa, that's weird. I have a sudden urge to conquer the Universe. Which is odd for me because, well that would take actual work. I think I'll just fall asleep instead. ''*Grif goes to sleep standing up inside his armor.*''* The "Insert Quarter" alternate ending to Episode 100, which reveals the entire series was a game of ''Halo 2'':--> '''Grif:''' What the fuck was ''that?''--> '''Simmons:''' That was the weirdest match I've ever played...--> '''Church:''' Dude, that sucked. I got team-killed in like the first ten seconds!--> '''Caboose:''' Sorry, that was my fault. Some guy kept screaming into the mic.--> '''Tucker:''' BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!--> '''Church:''' Dude, '''shut up!'''--> '''Caboose:''' See?--> '''Tucker:''' BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!--> '''Church:''' Alright, that's it, I'm muting him.--> '''Sarge:''' Alright, let's play another.--> '''Donut:''' Dude, I am ''not'' wearing that armor again.--> '''Sarge:''' Same teams?--> '''Church:''' [[HilariousInHindsight Yeah, same teams, new map.]]--> '''All:''' [[SequelHook NEW MAP!]]* ''Fight! Fight!'' alternate ending had some good moments. For instance:--> '''Church:''' Caboose! Get in that tank and give us covering fire!\\'''Caboose:''' Okay! ''(gets into the tank)''\\'''Church:''' [[TemptingFate And don't shoot me this time!]]\\'''Caboose:''' Okay! ''(does exactly that)''\\'''Church:''' [[FamousLastWords SON OF A BITCH!]]\\'''Caboose:''' ...wait. What was that first part again?** Also, Sarge is the first one killed. Then he gets back in the fight, to Tucker's surprise.-->'''Sarge:''' Aha! Got you, Blues!\\'''Tucker:''' Sarge? I thought you were dead!\\'''Sarge:''' I was dead! [[WorstAid Doc]] revived me! ''(Doc jumps into the shot)''\\'''Doc:''' That's right! And if anyone else needs medical attention, I'll be more than happy to hel- ''[[KilledMidSentence (is shot by Sarge)]]''\\'''Doc:''' Son of a bitch!\\'''Sarge:''' [[UnfriendlyFire Oh, I'm sorry.]] Doc will be unable to assist anyone else. ''(is shot by Sister)''\\'''Sarge:''' Ah, son of a bitch again. [[{{Irony}} Medic!]]* Doc's interactions with Junior are ridiculous, including trying to teach him colors.-->'''Doc''' One we learn the colors we'll figure out why you shouldn't judge people by them. * Church tells Tucker to act like everything is normal and not fucked. Tucker has been putting on that act for years.* Tucker and Caboose keep mocking Church for being fat. * Sister's comment on Tex after finding out she's a girl.--> '''Sister''' Oh sorry, ''she's'' a badass. She's kind of hot.* Blue team's rule, 'Don't kill the leader'. They're still waiting for someone to follow it.* Sister mistakes Junior for a dog. Upon being corrected she says.--> '''Sister''' Oh cool. You have a kid that looks like a dog?* Church's commentary at the end of Episode 97.-->'''Church''': Why does [[{{Cliffhanger}} something dramatic]] [[FadeToBlack seem to happen every five minutes?]]* The fact that the [[TheDitz Sister]] in Caboose's mind is literally the only construct that is totally aware of how completely inaccurate it is. Then the BrickJoke hits when it turns out that [[spoiler: he's actually the one version of Church that ended up wearing the yellow armor during the time loop back in Season 3.]]* Grif is... less than happy with his sister's antics:-->'''Grif (yelling across the canyon)''': PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!! WHAT'S THE ONE THING I TOLD YOU?! DON'T EMBARRASS THE FAMILY!!* Tucker ''finally'' gets to hold the sniper rifle...and promptly shoots Tex in the ass. Then he hands it back to Church before Tex gets there to see who shot her.* Church, Tucker, and Tex are ambushed by Wyoming when they reach Red Base. Church resorts to trying to get backup in the form of [[IdiotHero Caboose]] without letting Wyoming know what he's up to. It's followed by one long string of HilarityEnsues.-->'''Caboose:''' ''(answers radio)'' Yes! Hello evil Church. What can I do for ya?-->'''Church:''' So Wyoming, you just showed up here and decided to attack us.-->'''Caboose:''' Uh, my name is Caboooose...-->'''Church:''' And now you've caught us at gunpoint, and it looks like we're in big trouble.-->'''Caboose:''' Uh, that doesn't sound like something I would do. I think you have the wrong number.-->'''Church:''' Here at Red Base. Wyoming. You found us and are holding us prisoner. At the Red base. Wyoming.-->'''Caboose:''' Ah Red Base no, uh, I'm in the ship. The shiiiip. Sheila, I think O'Malley has driven him crazy, um, he's talking nonsense.-->'''Church:''' If only someone nearby, someone with access to a tank, somehow knew what was going on and could help us. Someone for instance, in blue armor. Who somehow knew about the situation, and figured out what the fuck other people were talking about, and tried to fucking help us, and then we would be saved.-->'''Caboose:''' Yeah, he's definitely crazy.-->''(cut back to Red Base)''-->'''Wyoming:''' Why do you keep explaining things to me? I understand the situation perfectly. I ambushed you, you're quivering in fear.-->'''Tucker:''' Yeah what are you, the narrator now or something?-->'''Church:''' ''(still on the radio with Caboose)'' I just want everyone to be on the same page about Wyoming, ambushing us, at the Red base.-->'''Tucker:''' We know.-->'''Church:''' Wyoming. The bad guy.-->'''Tucker:''' We know!-->'''Church:''' And we're here at the Red base. Which isn't the Blue base. Or the caves, or the cliffs, or that weird tree, or the windmill.-->'''Tucker:''' We get it dude, we're standing right here.-->'''Church:''' Maybe we should take this from the top. Do you wanna write this down?-->'''Tucker:''' No!-->'''Wyoming:''' I think your friend here has lost his marbles.-->'''Church:''' Red Base. No one is in the State of Wyoming![[/folder]][[folder:Reconstruction]]* Sister being convinced that Washington is a cop, including the urban legend that cops have to admit that they are cops if directly asked. When Wash points out that isn't true, she decides that since he knows that, [[YouFailLogicForever that means]]:--> '''Sister:''' CAWP!* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCBtCJa2rxg The beatboxing deleted scene.]]* Wash's dawning realization that Caboose is incomprehensibly stupid.-->'''Caboose:''' Command? Oh no, they never have good news. Did somebody die? Was it my mom, is she dead? Or my dad, did my dad die again? Oh no.\\'''Wash:''' What is this? I don't...\\'''Miller:''' Hehe, you see, he's yours now. Hehe, no take-backs!\\'''Caboose:''' Is it my brother? Was my brother killed? That's it, isn't it, my brother's dead!\\'''Wash:''' What...no, nothing like that.\\'''Caboose:''' Oh, good, because I don't even have a brother. H-how sad would it be to not have a brother and to lose a brother all in the same day.\\'''Wash:''' No one died!\\'''Blue soldier:''' Jo-annis is dead sir!\\'''Wash:''' Okay, no one besides him.** Wash still needs Caboose though, because he's the only one with the knowledge and experience to track down Omega.-->'''Washington:''' And I just realized how ridiculous that sounded once I said it out loud.* Church and Caboose's "reunion." Complete with sniper rifle.--> '''Caboose''': (while Church shoots at him... and misses) I have missed you so much! It has been so long! ''Did you miss me?!''--> '''Church''': Fuck, I missed him!--> '''Caboose''': I know you did!* The [[MemeticMutation now]] [[CatchPhrase infamous]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTNR8OVKQhs grenade scene]] from Episode 6.-->'''Washington:''' That, was the worst throw ever...of all time.-->'''Caboose:''' Not my fault, someone put a wall in my way.* What? No mention of Church's "Man Cannon" ride in Episode 5?-->'''Caboose:''' Um, I don't want to go on the thing that I don't know what it is.-->'''Church:''' Oh, don't be a baby. How bad could it be''(gets launched)''EEEEEE!-->''(Cut to Church grunting in pain as he comically skids across the ground, hydroplaning across a stream, and finally, landing against a Warthog behind two soldiers.)''-->'''Church:''' ''thatwasfuckingbullshit!''-->'''Soldier 1:''' You say something?-->'''Soldier 2:''' ...What?--> '''Washington:''' I said 'quietly!' What part of 'quiet' don't you understand? --> '''Church:''' What part?! How about the part when I got thrown ''eighty feet in the fucking air by the '''[[BuffySpeak GODDAMNED THROWING THING]]?!'''''* The conversation that happens when Washington reveals his history with AIs.--> '''Caboose:''' We have a lot in common Agent Washington.--> '''Washington:''' No we don't.--> {{Beat}}--> '''Washington:''' And don't ever say that again.* In Episode 6, when Washington, Caboose and Church chase after South Dakota as they all fight off the Meta, check out Church's plan to get her. --> '''Church:''' Hey, see that purple one? She's on our team. You should help her.--> '''Caboose:''' Okay! ('''fires at South and hits her square in the back''')--> '''Caboose:''' Uhm... she got in the way when I was trying to help her.--> '''Church:''' Okay, we're good!* Later in that episode, we get this gem: (ItMakesSenseInContext, but still.)--> '''Washington:''' I'm not insane. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go blow up this dead body.** Which leads to a FunnyBackgroundEvent of Washington disposing the body. By shooting it several times with a rifle, throwing a grenade on it, burning it with a flame thrower, loading several explosives on it and detonating the explosives. He may have had some issues he was working out there.* In Episode 7, it is revealed that central command has a keyboard shortcut for reporting Caboose's team kills.--> '''Caboose:''' [[PrecisionFStrike Control+F+U.]]* Church tries to shoot The Meta, only to miss, bounce off a dozen points (with him and Wash watching the bounces), before clipping The Meta's ankle. At which time, Church celebrates the hit.-->'''Church:''' I got it, yes! Did you see that what a shot! I'm awesome!\\'''Washington:''' It only counts if you call it!\\'''Church:''' Oh bullshit dude!* "Being wrong is not a democracy!"* Caboose's game of "Who Could Hold Still The Longest" story.* In the sponsor's cut of one of the episodes, Church complains in front of Delta how the AIs are always yapping and being annoying. To which Delta responds (in his typical superficially emotionless tone), "...I am going to ''ignore'' that..."* In Episode 9, Simmons is trying to explain to Sarge that Grif is the sergeant. Sarge proves himself [[http://youtu.be/-uBCjJKQCCI?t=5m49s physically incapable of comprehending]].* [[NotSoAboveItAll Church's]] antics with the helmet megaphone in Chapter 10.-->'''Washington''': ''(megaphone voice)'' Red Team. Attention, Red Team. Cease fire. Cease, fire.-->'''Church''': How do you do that megaphone thing with your voice?-->'''Wash''': ''(regular voice)'' It's a voice amplifier. It's standard issue, all our suits have one.-->''[...]''-->'''Wash''': ''(megaphone voice)'' We are not your enemy. My name is Agent Washington. I am part of a special task force--->'''Church''': ''(megaphone voice)'' Testing, te- holy shit, it does work! This is badass.-->'''Wash''': Stop that!-->'''Church''': Ah! Don't use that thing right next to me. You're killing my ears ya douche.-->''[...]''-->'''Wash''': I am a special agent. From Command!-->'''Church''': And this is the voice of God. Give up your evil ways. Join the Blue Team-- ''[Washington punches him]'' Ow! Hey come on, seriously, you're gonna break it.* How do Church and Washington ultimately conclude that the Red Team aren't working with the Meta?-->'''Church:''' Man. It got pretty quiet out there. You don't think they're really working with the Meta, do you?-->''(Grif runs by, being chased by a tumbling jeep thrown earlier by the Meta.)''-->'''Grif:''' Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, ooooh God!-->'''Wash:''' ''{{Beat}}'' No.* The trip to Caboose's mind in Episode 11, including getting to hear "Agent Washingtub" yell "FREELANCER POWER, ACTIVATE!" and Caboose's nonchalant "I just work here."-->'''Washingtub:''' That's valuable information. I will take that information and I will keep it in a special folder marked "SECRET". Everyone knows that is the best security there is.\\'''Church:''' I see.\\'''Washingtub:''' Don't tell anyone I told you that.\\'''Church:''' Actually, you act a lot like you do on the outside.\\'''Washingtub:''' I would like to think that's because I present myself in a very clear and consistent manner. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to scare some people who are just trying to help me, and then go fight monsters and robots from the future. FREELANCER POWER, ACTIVATE!* In Episode 15, when Wash has Church posing as a prisoner. Wash quickly kills one guard, while Church empties an entire clip at a guy from about 2 feet away and [[EpicFail misses every shot.]]--> '''Church:''' Hey could you give me a hand here, I'm out of bullets.* Episode 19: The '[[BrickJoke Emp]]'--> '''Washington:''' EMP?! You have got to be fucking kidding m--[[/folder]][[folder:Recreation]]* From the trailer:** Grif ragging on Simmons about needing to double check the Reds' four-man advantage.--->'''Grif:''' What part do you need to double check? Is it the part where you counted their guys or the part where you counted our guys, 'cause they both sound ''really tough!''\\'''Simmons:''' Shut up Grif, no ones talking to you.\\'''Grif:''' Or maybe it was the part where you subtracted 1 from 5. Math can be ''hard.'' Hey Lopez!\\'''Lopez:''' Si?\\'''Grif:''' Fire up your calculator unit, we got a doozy!** Caboose's mishaps with fire.--->'''Caboose:''' Oh God, now I'm burning. That's much worse then other things burning! ''[runs around]'' Oh god, why does it keep chasing me?* Episode 2:--> '''Sarge''': Men, as you know, the Blues have been erased from Command records, for some unknown reason.--> '''Simmons''': ...Unknown, sir? We're the ones that did it.--> '''Sarge''': You can't prove that.* Sarge's genius plan:--> '''Grif''': So, your plan is to hold off our attack until our superior officers take notice of one of the teams in this canyon? And, notice them well enough to actually go out of their way and add them back into the database? Or, do anything at all in any way to formally recognize us in an official capacity?--> '''Sarge''': [[GenreBlind You got it.]]--> '''Grif''': This is probably the single greatest plan I've ever heard in my entire life.* Caboose finally gets 'angry' in Chapter 3.--> '''Caboose:''' Well, at least I don't go around, knocking on people's non-doors, and promising them cookies. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis And then. Not. Giving. Them. Cookies!]] *leaves* I'm! Leaving!* Lopez's sarcasm is as solid as ever:--> '''Simmons''': Here, just let me do it, give me your hammer.--> '''Lopez''': ''Esta es una llave, tu puto idiota.'' (Translation: This is a wrench, you fucking idiot.)* In chapter 7 along with AwesomeMusic, is that when the second team (Sarge, Caboose and Grif) are dispatched to Tucker's location, they start the Warthog... and then they drive to the lake. One panel later they appear in the ''next beach'' preceeded by the "Jaime y Los Chamacos- Los Dos Laredos/Acordeones" from season 1. -->'''Lopez''': [[FlatWhat ¿Acaban de conducir en el agua?]] [[LampshadeHanging (Did they just drive into the water?)]]** That doesn't do it justice: The all pile into the Warthog, drive into the lake, and *then* you hear Caboose ask "Are we there yet?" with the expected responses. Lopez's [[FlatWhat What]] and Simmons not giving a fuck later, we hear the Warthog song before we see it...with the appropriate sub-marine sound distortion.* While stuck in the middle of a minefield, Grif takes advantage to tell Sarge ''exactly'' [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech what he thinks of him]]. When Sarge shoots at him with the shotgun, Grif doesn't even flinch.-->'''Grif:''' I imagine it can be pretty hard to be an ineffective leader with no respect- ''*shotgun blast*'' who doesn't understand that his primary weapon has a much shorter effective range than most weapons, but I think since we're gonna die anyway, you deserve to know that.** And then when CT announced they'll get them out Grif then realizes Sarge will now kill or seriously maim him and asks him to forget that with a slight whimper.** In general, the scenes in the minefield were hilarious. Ranging from "what's a step?" to both Sarge and Caboose not knowing their left and right. In the end, Grif gives up and just decides to "fuck it" and hope for the best and then drives off.* Simmons is trying to contact Sarge via radio, but it's broken. He asks if Lopez can fix it.--> '''Lopez''': ¿Puedo arreglar su radio desde aquí? Sí. Porque soy mágico. Yo soy un robot mágico.(Can I fix their radio from here? Sure. [[DeadpanSnarker Because I am magic. I am a magic robot.]])* "I am not a thing! [[spoiler:My name is Leonard Church, and YOU WILL FEAR MY LASERFACE!"]] Which doubled up as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome.* C.T. vs. Grif and Sarge. In an interrogation. It goes about as well as you would expect.-->'''Sarge''': Why? What's going on around here?-->'''C.T.''': I can't tell you that.-->'''Sarge''': Can't tell us or you don't want to tell us?-->'''C.T.''': I can't tell you. Which is convenient because I don't want to tell you.-->'''Grif''': Why don't you want to tell us?-->'''C.T.''': Because it's secret.-->'''Sarge''': Regular secret or...TOP secret?-->'''C.T.''': Top secret!-->'''Sarge''': Damn it, the worst kind!-->'''Grif''': Well, why is it so secretive?-->'''C.T.''': I can't tell you that because that information is classified!-->'''Sarge''': [[CompletelyMissingthePoint Classified as what?]]-->'''C.T.''': CLASSIFIED AS SOMETHING I CAN'T TELL YOU. Now stop fishing for information!--> ''{{Beat}}''-->'''Grif''': What information do you think we're fishing for?-->'''C.T.''': Okay, that wasn't even a good attempt.-->'''Grif''': Yeah...gotta agree with that.--> ''later''-->'''C.T.''': Not one that you can recognise, now let's...Hey, wait! Where's your other guy?-->'''Sarge''': Uhhh...[[BlatantLies what guy?]]-->'''C.T.''': The other guy.-->'''Sarge''': He's right there. ''(Points to Grif)''-->'''C.T.''': The OTHER other guy!-->'''Grif''': He's right...there? ''(Points to Sarge)''-->'''C.T.''': THAT'S IT!! Either you're here to investigate us or you're complete idiots! Either way, I'VE HAD IT. Tell me where the blue guy went or I'll shoot the orange one. ''(Cocks gun)''--> ''Sarge stares at him blankly''-->'''C.T.''': Well?!-->'''Grif''': Dude, I can save you some time. You just picked the wrong guy to threaten. It'll make sense once you get to know [[WithFriendsLikeThese us]].* Donut is inspecting the currently empty Blue Base when [[BigBad the Meta]] shows up. Donut, having missed out on the previous season's fun, simply thinks he's a new recruit and starts to introduce himself. Simmons comes looking for him...-->'''Donut''': Hey! Yeah, Simmons! I'm inside the Blue Base! Guess what? Blue Team got a new soldier!-->'''Simmons''': ''[from outside]'' What? They sent another team member? Why would they do that? ''[entering the base]'' That doesn't make any se-'''''[[OhCrap OH FUCK!]]''''' Welcometotheneighborhoodseeyoulater!* Sarge's eulogy for Caboose in Episode 9 (With "Taps" playing in the background).--> '''Sarge''': Dear Lord, we thank you for taking another Blue back to Heaven today, or rather not to Heaven. To whatever fiery pit you send Blues to, so they can suffer in eternity. You could've taken Grif. ''But you didn't''. '''Again'''. Not sure why--it would've been easy! Those mine things are everywhere! But I guess you know what you're doing...--> '''Caboose''': ''(finally falls out of the sky after having been launched into the air [[BrickJoke last episode]])'' ...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (THUD!) Wow! Now ''that'' was a big explosion!--> '''Grif''': Blue guy's back!--> '''Caboose''': I was really high. Did anyone get a picture?--> '''Sarge''': And now you brought him back. And Grif's still here! I hate to criticize but you could've just had him land on Grif and squash him. That would've been easy! Just a note; you can take it or leave it. Like I said not really my place to criticize. Okay the end amen.--> '''C.T.''': What the fuck is ''wrong'' with you people?* The fact that, in a deleted scene, not only does Epsilon!Church have Two Girls One Cup in his memory, but the fact that Caboose's grandmother was apparently part of it, and that ''TUCKER HAS SEEN BETTER.'' Although those may count more as {{Squick}} than funny.* When Simmons is confronting the Meta with a rocket launcher, we get this exchange.--> '''Simmons:''' Alright you bastard, prepare to get "Simmonsized".--> ''Simmons fires a rocket which misses the Meta and destroys a motorcycle that Lopez had just built.''--> '''Simmons:''' Well fuck me.--> ''A couple of rockets hit the Meta forcing him to retreat. Lopez comes out with a massive rocket launcher.''--> '''Lopez:''' ¿En serio dijiste "Simmonsized"? (Did you seriously just say "Simmonsized"?)--> '''Simmons:''' Lopez?--> '''Lopez:''' Cierre la cogida. Usted rompió mi motocicleta de nuevo. (Shut the fuck up. You broke my motorcycle again.)* Episode 16, when Epsilon-Church accidentally shuts off his short-term memory while trying to access his long-term.--> '''Tucker''': Jesus Christ, don't let him talk to me anymore!--> '''Epsilon!Church and Caboose''': Okay, don't talk to him.--> '''Tucker''': I can't fucking believe I have ''two'' of them now.* Episode 18's [[SubvertedTrope subversion]] of a BigDamnHeroes moment, where Tucker comes charging in with a Brute Chopper, looking like he'll land directly on top of the enemy... only to overshoot and crash into a bunker.* Simmons really seems to draw Lopez's ire this season:--> '''Simmons''': (in regards to a cloaked Warthog) The Meta must've cloaked it. Ugh.--> '''Lopez''': ''Te lo dije.'' (Translation: Basically, "I told you so.")--> '''Simmons''': I've never seen anything like this before either, Lopez.--> '''Lopez''': ¡Jódete! (Translation: [[PrecisionFStrike "Fuck you!"]])[[/folder]][[folder:Revelation]]* In Episode 2, one of the most outstanding is Sarge's [[InsaneTrollLogic increasingly]] [[BatDeduction outlandish reasoning]] for how he knows what's happened at Valhalla. All of which is true.* Episode 3 has one moment just before Wash gets thrown into the barrels. The Warthog comes flying through the wall, and you can just tell that suddenly Wash is terrified as a car barrels towards him.* Episode 4, with Simmons picking up part of the hog as a weapon** This scene from '"Revelation'' is what got this troper interested in the series:--->'''Doc''': (''after the Meta suddenly slows down while trying to punch Doc'') Am I dead? Am I dead?--->'''Simmons''': Doc, you did it!--->'''Doc''': (''looks at the Meta, whose fist is still slowly traveling towards Doc, and [[PainfullySlowProjectile continues to do so throughout the rest of this conversation]]'') He's frozen!--->'''Simmons''': It looks like you overloaded his time-distortion unit. It looks like you caused some kind of inversion. Instead of making everything else slow, it made ''him'' slow!--->'''Doc''': Alright! Score one for the pacifists! How do you like me now, Meta!--->'''Simmons''': Um, Doc, I wouldn't get to close to him if I were you.--->'''Doc''': Why? What's he gonna do? Beat me up over the course of the next two weeks?--->'''Simmons''': Well, technically he's not actually moving slower. He's moving at the same speed, just over a longer period of time.--->'''Doc''': Huh?--->'''Simmons''': It's relativistic. His fist is still moving at the same velocity, we're just viewing it at a faster timeframe. Therefore, it ''looks'' slowed down, but theoretically, it should carry the same force.--->'''Doc''': (''looks at the Meta again'') Nah, see, he's moving slower!--->(''camera zooms in on the Meta's fist, which'' lightly taps ''against Doc's helmet'')--->'''Doc''': Woaaauugh! (''goes flying into Blue Base's walls, and gets stuck there'')--->'''Simmons''': See? That's what you get for arguing with science. [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch Bitch.]]** [[TheDreaded The Meta]] chasing [[spoiler: Epsilon-Church]] like a cat and a laser pointer.* In Episode 5, when Grif and Simmons have to hide Epsilon quickly:-->'''Grif:''' Uh... (''looks at Epsilon, who is immobile on the sand'')-->'''Epsilon:''' Don't do it, you fuckERRRRRRRRRR... (''goes flying into the distance'' as Grif punts him)** Becomes even more HilariousInHindsight when you learn that this particular incident is why Tex spends so much time [[GroinAttack beating him up]] later on.** It gets even funnier when they're being confronted and Grif told Simmons to be cool (and not give away what just happened). Simmons, having just come back, have no idea what's going on.-->'''Simmons''': What the-? Grif! What are you doing?!-->'''Grif''': Shut up, man! Be cool.-->'''Simmons''': Be cool? ''(aliens come upon the scene)'' Whoa! I mean, what's the 411, daddy-o's? Me and my homy were just hangin' all up in here, deserts...ville. It's all good! You know what I'm sayin', scrillas? -->'''Grif''': What the fuck are you doing?-->'''Simmons''': You told be to be cool!-->'''Grif''': Right. ''So what the fuck are you doing?''** At the beginning, the Elites are furious that Church-In-The-Monitor has gone missing(As they worship the technology) and chase Caboose up a pillar. Tucker, on the sidelines, has NoSympathy.-->'''Caboose:''' ''(Frantic)'' Tucker! They are going to eat me!-->'''Tucker:''' Caboose, would you shut up? They're not going to eat you. They're just going to persecute and kill you. Quit being such a baby.* The Meta's refusal to pull Doc out by the codpiece is extremely funny, as well as Wash refusing to try when the Meta asks. Also, the Meta's tantrum after finding the Epsilon unit in the desert, which involves lots of snarling, hissing, and grenade throwing.* A moment for episode nine has three members of the red team coming into the abandoned base. They had decided to give themselves names based off of the states of the USA, like the Freelancers, in order to trick the computer that watched the door. Things didn't go quite as planned. --> '''Grif''': I told you guys that stupid plan wouldn't work.--> '''Simmons''': That's because you said your name was agent Pluto!--> '''Sarge''': Luckily, we had a contingency plan to fall back on. --> '''Grif''': Sarge, shotgun to the face is not a contingency plan. I keep telling you that.--> '''Shiela''': ''(broken and riddled with bullet holes)'' Hello, this is a private facility. Hello, this is a private facility. --> '''Sarge''': Don't be so quick to judge, Grif. Shotgun to the face can be a plan in a variety of situations. For instance, ''(points gun at Grif)'' watch how quickly is cures insubordination! * Episode 9: "Is it possible to ambush someone who's beating through a metal door to get to you?" ** "Humens suk!" ''*Arrow pointing to dead stick figure*'' -> [[BrickJoke "Shisno"]]-->'''Doc:''' What's it say?\\'''Washington:''' [[TranquilFury It says peace talks have broken down.]] [[KillEmAll Now we do things our way.]]* Caboose's increasingly futile attempts to keep the Reds from gaining access to the door at the Freelancer outpost in Episode 9. When the door starts getting dented from the inside, Caboose just slowly walks away, head down, endlessly muttering "excuse me", "pardon me" and "coming through" until he walks down the hall and out of sight.* Episode 10: Appropriately titled "[[UpToEleven This One Goes to Eleven]]", the episode opens with the Reds running in abject fear, as Tex is on the warpath.-->'''F.I.L.S.S.''': [[AC:Alarm! Security breach--level Alpha! All personnel report for duty! This is not a drill!]]\\''(Simmons, Grif and Sarge run through, with Sarge laying cover fire with a shotgun)''\\'''Simmons''': ''RUN!''\\'''Grif''': Oh, crap! Where is she?!\\'''Simmons''': I don't wanna die!\\'''Caboose:''' Sheila! We have to help them?\\'''F.I.L.L.S.''': [[AC:Help who?]]\\'''Caboose''': The Reds! Tex is attacking them! We have to stop her!\\'''F.I.L.S.S.''': [[AC:Stop Agent Texas? Oh no. Absolutely not. We should never interfere with an ongoing battle simulation. Our job is to observe and document.]]\\'''Caboose:''' But she'll ''kill them!''\\'''F.I.L.S.S.:''' [[AC: Oh, that would be wonderful! What a successful test!]]** Really the entirety of Episode 10 is this and a CrowningMomentOfAwesome as Tex just lays [[CurbStompBattle a complete smackdown]] against everyone without breaking a sweat. You will be laughing your ass off.--->''(after waylaying Grif, Tex, who is now standing above him, points Grif's shotgun at him)''\\'''Simmons''': Oh, no! Grif!\\'''Grif''': Yikes!\\''(Tex pulls the trigger... and finds out [[ItWorksBetterWithBullets it's out of ammo]])''\\'''Sarge''': ''(as Tex repeatedly pulls the trigger)'' Private Grif, you should be ashamed of yourself! You've run out of ammo again! That's ''your'' responsibility!\\'''Grif''': Huh. I guess this is the first time my laziness saved my--\\''(Tex steps on Grif, then grabs the barrel of the gun and winds up like a golf club, aiming right at [[GroinAttack Grif's nuts]])''\\'''Grif''': ''(cowering, holding up a traffic cone)'' [[MemeticMutation Protect me, cone!]]\\'''''[WHAP!]'''''\\''(Grif gets knocked into Simmons, bowling him and a teleportation gate over)''\\'''Simmons''': Watch it!\\'''Grif''': ''You'' watch it!\\'''Sarge''': You idiots! Let me show you how it's done--''([[PunchedAcrossTheRoom eats a left hook from]] Tex)''--ugh!\\'''Simmons''': Nice demonstration, Sarge.\\'''Sarge''': Ah, shut up.** "I feel defeated! Yet inexplicably rejuvenated!" Said by Sarge while covered in med-kits.--->'''Caboose''': Great! I saved Tucker! ''({{Beat}})'' Oh, wait...[[GoneHorriblyRight I saved Tucker...]]\\'''Tucker''': Caboose! What the hell are you doing?! You're messing up my plan with Simmons! I was supposed to distract her for him!\\''(Tex overhears the communique, and turns to see Simmons loading a rocket)''\\'''Simmons''': ''(panicking)'' [[OhCrap YOU RATTED ME OUT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!]] ''(fires a rocket at Tex)''\\''(Tex dodges the rocket, and grabs a teleportation gate and hurls it at Simmons)''\\'''Simmons''': Oh, shit! ''(fires a rocket [[ViolationOfCommonSense at the gate]])''\\''([[WreakingHavok The rocket flies through the portal, and out another one below Simmons; it explodes, and launches Simmons straight up...and into the portal passing over his head, through the aforementioned other portal, and finally into Tex's hands, who then throws him at Tucker]].)''\\'''Tucker''': That was awesome--''(gets bowled over by Simmons)''** The amount of [[GroinAttack shots to the nuts]] that Grif took would be enough to render the man sterile. The funniest one being the very casual one where Tex pops up through a portal, looks at Grif's groin, then punches them directly.*** Seven in all, with two of them being hard enough to ''[[UpToEleven crack stone]]''.--->'''Grif:''' [[LampshadeHanging What is your problem with my balls?!]]*** After the fight is over, he's standing there holding a med kit to his groin.** After Sarge gets buried in medkits:--->'''Sarge''': What happened? [[LampshadeHanging I feel defeated...]] [[HealingShiv yet inexplicably rejuvenated!]]** Trying to drop a massive shipping crate on Tex:--->'''Tucker''': ''(as the crate lands)'' I can't believed that worked!\\''(Close-up reveals the ground caved beneath Tex, who is now holding the crate up)''\\'''Tucker''': Oh, fuck! That didn't work!\\'''F.I.L.S.S.''': ''(to Caboose)'' [[AC:I knew that would not work. Agent Tex is [[UnderStatement a bit]] of a badass]].** Tex hits Tucker so hard, she knocks [[CallBack the black stuff]] right off his armor.--->'''Sarge''': She knocked the black right off of him!--->'''Tucker''': ''(groaning in pain)'' That's racist. ** The climax of the episode:--->'''Sarge''': ''(as Tex turns and runs)'' You're all clear, Simmons! Now shoot her!\\'''Simmons''': Fire in the hole! ''(fires rocket launcher)''\\''(Tex runs with the rocket right on her tail... then jumps into a portal, comes out another one lying on the ground, and runs towards Simmons and company with the rocket still chasing her)''\\'''Tucker''': [[OhCrap Are you fucking kidding me?!]] ''RUN!''\\''(Sarge, Simmons and Tucker try to run, but bump into one another and get nowhere. Tex then runs up to them, leveling all three with a single clothesline without breaking stride; when she sees Grif, she baseball-slides between his legs.)''\\'''Grif''': ''(seeing the rocket still chasing Tex)'' Oh god...''(covers his crotch)'' not like this!\\''(The rocket flies harmlessly between his legs.)''\\'''Grif''': Oh thank God...I thought I was--\\''(He turns around to see Tex dive into a portal, while said rocket impacts the pile of med-kits and oil barrels from earlier)''\\'''Grif''': --fuuuuuuuuuucked!*** Most memorable, and hilarious, would be what happens at the end. After Tex sends the Reds and Blues flying with a huge [[StuffBlowingUp explosion]] (where Grif flies the highest due to the involvement of an oil drum), she starts nudging a concrete divider a few inches using her foot, stands back to survey her work... and then Grif lands on the divider nuts-first.---->'''Grif''': Why won't you just ''kill me?!''** How about the immortal "[[SpotTheImpostor They look the same! Which one do I shoot?!]]" "Ow! Shoot the one who's winning, dumbass!"?** Or the perfect subversion of WouldNotHitAGirl? Two Words: "Try harder!"* Episode 11: * At the end of the previous episode, Church, back in a proper body, confronts Tex in a Badass way. At the beginning of ''this'' episode, we see that Tex has Church in a headlock, and is beating him over the head with the Monitor. "Tex, you are embarrassing me!"-->'''Caboose:''' Yes! Yes! I did it! I am the biggest hero ever! I beat up the girl!\\'''Caboose:''' I did it! I...not my fault! Not my fault! I did not do this! The computer made me touch it!** While they are watching Tex beat on Church, Grif is holding a medpack to his groin, which given how many times he was hit there. [[note]]The medpack was added in for the DvD.[[/note]]** And the BrickJoke from the last season, where [[spoiler: Caboose is the only one NOT effected by the Armor-lock, since he's still wearing the old-style helmet]].* Doc briefly distracts Wash by asking for a break.-->'''Wash:''' What are we, mailmen? This is a military mission. We don't get a vacation. We don't take sick days, we don't get paid overtime.\\'''Doc:''' What? Freelancers don't get overtime?\\'''Wash:''' That's right. We have a job to do, and we're expected to stick wi- Wait. Why, do you?\\'''Doc:''' Overtime? Yeah. Time and a half over 40 hours. Time and a half and a half up to 60!\\'''Wash:''' ''(Genuinely interested)'' ...Really?\\'''Doc:''' You guys don't get that? That's crazy, you work so hard.\\'''Wash:''' Tell me about it.\\'''Doc:''' You guys should strike.\\'''Wash:''' We're not unionizing. Stop instigating.\\''(Beat)''\\'''Doc:''' Tell me they at least match your 401K.\\'''Wash:''' Shut up.* The whole dialogue between Grif and Simmons at the end of Episode 15, where they discuss upgrading armor. Specifically, Grif wants Simmons to hook up an invisibility attachment so that he could nap ''whenever he wanted''.-->'''Grif''': I would be completely unstoppable.-->'''Simmons''': Actually, you would be the exact opposite of that.-->'''Grif''': Totally stoppable. Already stopped.-->'''Simmons''': No man should have that kind of power.** And then what happens afterwards... Simmons accidentally gives him a [[SuperSpeed super-speed]] attachment...which tires him out so much he takes an impromptu nap when it deactivates. Success?** Also, when Grif is speeding around the bunker;-->'''Grif:''' ''(Runs by)'' HeyCaboose!\\'''Tucker:''' Whoa! What the Hell was that!?\\'''Caboose:''' What was what? ''(Long pause)'' Hey, Grif.\\''(Cut to Sarge examining a forklift)''\\'''Sarge:''' That is a fine piece of equipment. ''(Grif runs by from behind)'' Hrm, why am I so angry all of a sudden?* Episode 16, after the conversation between Tex and Church, we cut to Wash in the desert. Not only can you can see the Meta beating a dead Alien with his 'Knifle' in the background, you can still hear the noises when Doc and Wash are talking.* Episode 18: Doc is ''not'' overthinking it. Also has a few touches of [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome awesome]].-->''(nine proximity mines light up around them)''-->'''Washington:''' [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight Oh, son of a bitch...]]-->''([[TheRuntAtTheEnd The last mine lights up,]] completing the circle)''-->'''Meta:''' ''([[ScrewThisImOuttaHere bails from the back of the car]])''-->'''Doc:''' See? Told ya so.-->'''''BOOM!'''''* The result of the BigDamnHeroes moment in Chapter 19:-->'''Washington:''' ...I'd say the cavalry's arrived, but the I've never seen a line of horses crash into the battlefield from outer space before.-->'''Church:''' Uh, is it possible for a fragment of an Artificial Intelligence encased in a robotic body to piss its pants? 'Cause I think I just did.* Episode 20 features this: after the Reds succeed in throwing Meta off a cliff, Grif ends up falling off said cliff along with him. From there, we get this: -->'''Simmons:''' He's... gone...-->'''Sarge:''' Yep. Grif is dead. It's a sad day. But he died as he lived. Flat on his belly and trying to get someone else to do his work for him. He will be missed. 'Till we get a replacement. And then forgotten immediately!-->'''Simmons:''' I can't believe he's gone!-->'''Tucker:''' [[GenreSavvy You know, sometimes when someone falls off a cliff in the movies, he's usually just over the edge hanging on a tree branch or something.]]-->'''Sarge:''' Nope! He's definitely dead!-->'''Simmons:''' Maybe we should look just in case.-->'''Sarge:''' I think looking would get our hopes up. And Grif wouldn't like that. He'd want our expectations to be as low as possible. Let's honor him by not looking! And then have a nice lunch. I'm thinking maybe a Monte Cristo sandwich.-->'''Simmons:''' Are you sure? It'll just take a second.-->'''Sarge:''' Sounds like a waste of time.-->'''Grif:''' Oh, for God's sake just look over the damn edge already! I can't hold on for much longer!--> ''(Simmons and Sarge look over the edge)''-->'''Simmons:''' Grif!-->'''Sarge:''' Dangling on the job again, I see? Dagnabit, I hate cliffhangers!-->'''Grif:''' Oh, just pick me up![[/folder]][[folder: Season 9]]* From the trailer:-->'''479er:''' Well, I guess so much for our go-around.\\'''Ground Control:''' I heard that, Four Seven Niner.\\'''479er:''' Yep. That's 'cause I transmitted it.* Starts off strong with one in the very first episode.-->''(as the Reds are testing their new rocket turret [[spoiler:...on the Blues]])''-->'''Tucker:''' Yeah, I'm feeling pretty confident about my rocket launcher guess.-->'''Caboose:''' I dunno, I think Church was right. I think I just torqued in my pants.* And again in episode one, when Tucker and Caboose realize that Donut isn't a girl despite his pink armor. -->'''Church:''' Was that ''Donut''?-->'''Tucker:''' I don't know. That's the chick who was working on the Jeep. -->'''Church:''' He's not a girl, Tucker, he just wears pink armor. It's a guy.-->'''Tucker:''' It is? Are you sure?-->'''Church:''' Yes, I'm sure. -->'''Tucker:''' Uh... Then I suddenly feel pretty awkward about [[ADateWithRosiePalms something I did twenty minutes ago.]]-->'''Caboose:''' During alone time. -->'''Church:''' What the hell is alone time?-->'''Tucker:''' Hey. It's one of the rules of the cliff, dude. What happens in alone time stays in alone time.* Episode 2 has North spotting two heat dots coming up behind South through his thermal scope, and South turns around, gun aimed at... a very surprised guard carrying two cups of coffee.** The way Episode 2 ends is particularly amusing in the very ''non-professional'' way North and South are ordered to stand down.---> '''Insurrectionist ODST''': Attention ''assholes''! Stand down, you're ''surrounded''! Give us the data file now! You ''will'' be taken into custody! We can either do this the easy way or the hard way. There is ''no escape'', so give us the damn data file!* "[[CasualDangerDialogue That is the rifle I sleep with every night.]]" In the middle of a firefight.** It was actually most likely a small reference to The Rifleman's Creed.* Episode 4 has a few, but in the Freelancer section we have this:---> '''479'er''': Things are about to get----> '''Carolina''': Bumpy?---> '''479'er''': Yeah, bumpy. I was gonna say "crashy" but that works too.* Also from episode four, South's CurseCutShort.-->'''South:''' Take evasive maneuvers!\\'''479er:''' I'm ''trying.''\\'''South:''' Well try harder!\\'''479er:''' Hey South, do me a favor, would ya?\\'''South:''' What?\\''[479er closes the door in her face]''\\'''479er:''' Thank you.\\'''South:''' ''You stupid bi--!''* Grif suddenly has a cleaning tick. It's just so plain '''wrong''', it's funny.--->'''Church''': Grif isn't tidy at all, he's filthy!--->'''Simmons''': He is going to wash his hands for a week if he hears you say that.** "Donut, don't track mud in here, you know better!!"* I think Episode 7 should be watched. Any description would ruin it.** Well, the last half, anyway. Suffice to say, Tucker gives Church tips on how to attract women. With Caboose standing in for the woman.--->'''Church:''' You want ''Caboose'' to be the woman!?--->'''Tucker:''' Dude, it's a lot bigger stretch for ''you'' to play a man. Trust me.** And:--->'''Tucker:''' Church, say something rebellious.\\'''Church:''' Uh, okay, I think the working class should uprise against the rich people.\\'''Tucker:''' I said rebellious, not revolutionary.\\'''Church:''' Oh, okay. I drive a fast car over the speed limit. All the time.\\'''Caboose:''' I will go with you anywhere.* Both teams' individual discussions in Episode 9: the Reds talking about how good Lopez is and the Blues first trying to comprehend Church's explanations YET AGAIN and then the whole grenade discussion.-->'''Tucker:''' Hey, you dropped a grenade.-->'''Church:''' That's not one of mine. Caboose, pick that up.-->'''Caboose:''' I'm not allowed to carry grenades, remember? Because of that one exploding time? Which� was no one�s fault.-->'''Church:''' Well, I didn't drop it! Tucker, count yours.-->'''Tucker:''' I have a readout on my helmet, dummy, I don't need to count.-->'''Church:''' Oh, right. Well, it has to be ''somebody's''.-->''{{Beat}}''-->'''Tucker:''' ...somebody threw a grenade at us, didn't they?-->'''Church:''' Yeah, we probably should've figured that out sooner.-->''(it explodes)''* ''[[OnlySaneMan Everything]]'' [[DeadpanSnarker Agent]] [[NiceGuy York]] says in episode 10. It has to be seen to be believed. ** And to accompany that, Wyoming's performance is just pitiful. Count how many times he gets nailed, and how many times he manages to get a hit in. That's a pretty steep ratio.* When the flashbang grenade blinds the Blues in episode 11. They stand around yelling, then start blindly firing their weapons around.-->'''Tucker:''' My mother always said I would go blind, [[ADateWithRosiePalms but for a totally different reason!]]** Meanwhile Tex is just watching them from nearby.-->'''Tex:''' Idiots.* Simmons' [[CallBack funeral]] in episode 14.--> '''Simmons:''' I never imagined that my death could somehow be worse than my life, but here it is. Bitchin'.** And before that, when Tex shot Lopez, who everyone thought was Simmons.---> '''Donut:''' We had so much left to talk about! Like our feelings and hopes and dreams! And why most of your insides are wires! How could you just explode like this?! We could've talked! You could've told me what was wrong! [[BigNo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]---> '''Tex:''' Uh, maybe I'll let that one live... It might demoralize the rest of them.---> '''Tucker:''' ... Good idea.---> '''Tex:''' C'mon, let's pack it in.---> '''Tucker:''' Does anyone feel really, really dirty about this? And not the good kind of really, really dirty?* York seems to be getting a lot of these:--> '''York:''' (while hacking a door) Man, whoever designed this lock is a genius.--> ''(alarm goes off)''--> '''Carolina:''' You were saying?--> '''York:''' Okay, I take that back. Whoever designed this lock is an asshole.* Wash saying his [[CatchPhrase Catch Phrase]] in reaction to the bouncy gun. And then getting tackled before he can finish.--> '''Wash:''' What the hell? It bounces? Who designs a gun that bounces? This is the worst gun ever. Of all -''oomph!''* [[ItMakesSenseinContext Carolina kicking Maine out the window.]]** The two guards as Maine falls behind them. ** Followed by Maine taking out his frustration (along with his new Brute Shot) on some poor mooks. [[PhraseCatcher Wash and York]] ''almost'' felt sorry for them.* "What the fuck is with [[PyroManiac this guy]]?"** What makes that scene even better is that you have the badass action music in the background and Shark Face preparing to fight Carolina and Wash. Then the camera cuts to Wash saying the above quote, and the music abruptly cuts off at the same time.** Hell, ''everything'' Wash says during Episode 15 is a FunnyMoment.** As [[spoiler: the Mother of Invention is charging up the {{BFG}}]], York channels WesternAnimation/BugsBunny, handing the transmitter to the leader of those that had just been holding them at gunpoint, saying "Hey man, would you mind holding this for me for a sec?"** After [[spoiler: The Mother Of Invention fires the BFG]], Carolina, York, and Wash jump off the crumbling building with these lines;-->'''Carolina:''' This must be karma for kicking Maine out the window!\\'''York:''' ''I don't wanna do thiiiiis~!''\\'''Washington:''' ''Son of a biiiitch~!''** During an [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome awesome freefall battle]], after a jetpack-equipped Tex has just knocked him and the package into the Pelican--> '''Wash:''' [[ButtMonkey Oww...]]** Later as they are flying off, Tex is examining her now useless jetpack:--> '''Wash:''' So... jetpacks huh?--> Tex jumps out of the Pelican (without the jetpack)--> '''Wash:''' [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight ...That was interesting.]]** York's reaction to Maine's BigDamnHeroes moment was pure hilarity, with a side order of Awesome.--> ''"Are we in a'' '''''[[CallBack car]]??!!"'''''* [[http://the-meta.tumblr.com/post/69203402254/i-know-a-lot-of-people-havent-seen-this-but-this This]] deleted scene where York tries calling Four Seven Niner for backup during the highway chase.-->'''York:''' Four Seven Niner, come in. Come in!\\'''479er:''' Four Seven Niner, reading you clear, go ahead.\\'''York:''' We need help.\\'''479er:''' Color me surprised. What's the situation?\\'''York:''' We have two Hornets on us, we need you to take 'em out.\\'''479er:''' Take them out? I hope you mean invite them to a nice dinner because I loaded this vehicle out for extraction, it doesn't do combat.\\'''York:''' You don't have any missiles on that thing?\\'''479er:''' It… it's rigged for fast running, York. You know, stealth? Going undetected, that kind of thing? ''[mutters]'' Wait, on second thought, maybe you guys don't know what that means.\\'''York:''' Thanks for nothing, Four Seven.\\'''479er:''' I have a couple of grenades, maybe I could chuck those out the window at you.\\'''York:''' Hanging up now, Four Seven!* Episode 16: Sarge's plan to save the world: [[InsaneTrollLogic appropriately entitled]] [[Film/TheCore "Sarge's plan to kick]] [[ShoutOut the planet's ass."]] * York's one-liners in episode 17.--> "Would you quit throwing shit?!"--> "Man, I've got to quit jumping off stuff today."** [[ButtMonkey Maine]] gets beat around so much in this episode it becomes ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice hilarious]]''.* Grif's plan to get the Blues to make a bomb for him since he's too lazy to do it himself. [[GoneHorriblyRight It works a little too well.]]** [[spoiler:Well, until it turns out it was a dud.]]-->'''Andy:''' [[spoiler:[[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything I swear, this never happened before]].]]* Sarge gives us BehindTheBlack, with a giant excavator that nobody notices until he points it out.** TWO! Two giant excavators! [[Series/SesameStreet Ah-ah-ah!]]* The finale to Season 9 gives us this:--> '''[[spoiler:Epsilon!]]Simmons''': [[spoiler:[[CloudCuckoolander Caboose]] is... {{God}}?]] [[ItMakesSenseInContext I guess that makes sense now that I think about it]]. Sure explains the fuck out of the [[EverythingsBetterWithPlatypi platypus]].* Tex: "I know how to lift, jackass. I've been carrying this whole team since I got here."[[/folder]][[folder: Season 10]]* As the AwesomeMusic starts up during the introduction to Season 10 as [[spoiler:the Director is having F.I.L.I.S. drill a hole through an Insurrectionist ship with her WaveMotionGun... [[KickTheDog with York still in there]], York has this to say to [[ArtificialIntelligence Delta]]]]:-->'''York''': Why you green little cockbite...** The context is funny too, thanks to Delta's VA's knack for somehow sounding snarky/smartass and emotionless at the same time.-->'''York''': Umm, what target is locked? What's the target? Delta, what are they doing? -->'''Delta''': Taking more direct measures. -->'''York''': You knew about this? -->'''Delta''': ({{beat}}) ...Possibly...** "[[NonSequiturThud Hey, give me back my leprechaun!]]" Cue York kicking the chair at the guard, knocking him out a second time.* Church's TranquilFury at finding out that Blue Team's given Wash his clothes, his identity, and has been throwing Wash birthday parties using his name. Ouch.-->'''Caboose''': I wouldn't really use the word "replace"... but there's no word for "take over for you and make everything better almost immediately", [[DistinctionWithoutADifference so we just say "replace"]].** Also, almost immediately after:-->'''Church''': I think I just got dumped by Caboose! This is un-fucking-believable!\\'''Caboose''': [[ItsNotYouItsMe Yeah, it's not me.]] [[InvertedTrope It's you.]]* The Insurrectionist Guard from Episode 1 floating in Episode 2 in a '''''sitting pose with his chair in space.''''' That is all.* Episode 2, one soldier is carrying a bunch of shotguns in his arms and accidentally drops one, which goes off and kills the guy next to him. The best part is his comment after:--> '''Soldier''': Not again. Sorry about that.* Poor Wash just can't catch a break [[ContinuityNod when it comes to]] [[CarFu cars]]. --> '''Wash''': Why do cars hate me?* This entire conversation in Episode 3:-->'''Sarge''': Let's just say you seem to know [[LampshadeHanging a lot of women]] with [[HairTriggerTemper quick tempers]]. [[TheMasochismTango You got a fetish or something?]]\\'''Epsilon!Church''': [[CasualKink ...yeah, I guess you could say... apparently.]]\\''({{Beat}})''\\'''Sarge''': ...wanna talk about it?\\'''Epsilon!Church''': ... no.\\''({{Beat}})''\\'''Caboose''': Wanna talk about it with--?\\'''Epsilon!Church''': ''No!''* And this conversation from the same episode:-->'''Sarge''': She wanted to get you out of that [[BuffySpeak memory whatsit. Something about you being a geneticfide and mental imprint of muculeen of that Professor What's His Puss.]]-->'''Epsilon!Church''': Can some one translate that for me? I don't speak Huckleberry.* Caboose doesn't understand that "sync" means "are we clear" from [[spoiler:Carolina]], so he lists other kitchen items, like the refrigerator and the easy-bake oven.* A classic:-->'''Carolina''': You guys not used to following orders?-->'''Grif''': Oh, we're used to getting them, alright. We're just not used to doing much with 'em.* Simmons following driving laws, even in a firefight.-->'''Sarge''': Simmons, only you could make a high speed chase ''boring''.-->'''Simmons''': [[InsultBackfire Thank you, sir!]]* In order to bring Epsilon!Church along, they put him in Tucker's armor like any other AI. He claims that [[HandsomeLech Tucker's]] storage unit is so "disgusting" that he had to delete 50 gigabytes worth of data just so he could fit.-->'''Tucker:''' You didn't delete my "Home Movies" folder, did you?\\'''Church:''' And that brings me to my second complaint...* One of Blood Gulch!Church's {{catchphrase}}s turns out to be inherited from the director himself.-->'''Director Church:''' (After [[CoolShip The Mother of Invention]] is hit with a surprise attack) Son of a [[CurseCutShort b-]]* Also, there's Carolina's...[[GroinAttack method]] of bringing Wash to safety.** And this was only because of the NoodleIncident stoking his fears of overusing his jetpack. "I don't want to end up like Georgia!"* Speaking of Wash, his growing obsession with [[NoodleIncident "what happened to Georgia."]]--> '''Wash:''' Would someone please tell me what happened to Georgia?! --> '''York:''' Dude, YouDoNOTWantToKnow. --> '''Wash:''' I really do, though!* Episode 5 starts out with Wash and York staring attentively at North's groin, followed by a barrage of [[DoubleEntendre Double Entendres]].--> '''Wash:''' I expected it to be... bigger. --> '''York:''' Why? You've seen mine. It's small too.--> '''North:''' Hey Wash? Quit staring. You're making it nervous.--> '''--And--'''--> '''North:''' Besides, you better get used to it. You're gonna have one of your own soon enough.** The DVD/Blu Ray adds another by changing Wash's "Yeah but he's green." line to "Yeah, but yours is really shiny, so it looks more substantial."* North commenting in a pleasant, completely straight voice that "[York and Wash are] all friends of mine. [[WithFriendsLikeThese For reasons beyond my comprehension.]]"* Tucker's commentary on [[spoiler:Carolina]] and Washington's reanalysis of Maine's corruption is hilarious, as he keeps trying to get his trademark "Bow Chicka Bow Wow" in...and gets shot at for it when he does.-->'''Tucker:''' Bow chicka bow WHOA! Same team, same team! ** And then he keeps talking, and she keeps shooting, and even Epsilon gets in on the action (bow chicka bow wow). -->'''Epsilon:''' [[BerserkButton Jesus, you're worse than Tex!]]-->''*[[spoiler:Carolina]] shoots Epsilon's hologram*''-->'''Tucker:''' Okay, ''that'' one was on you. * [[spoiler:Wyoming's]] face (he has a [[BadassMustache MUSTACHE]]!) is hilarious. Seriously, he looks like the kind of guy who likes tying damsels to train tracks!* The post-Washington conversation interactions with [[spoiler:Carolina]] in Episode 6. First, Caboose accidentally hits on her... then Grif agrees with Simmons about her being bad news, leading to this answer from Sarge.-->'''Sarge''': Normally, I would agree with [[ProfessionalButtKisser Simmons]]. [[CommanderContrarian But that would mean that I would agree]] with [[ButtMonkey Grif]]! Therefore, I will simply grunt ambiguously. ''(does so)''* Wash eating inside his helmet (complete with magic changing fruit!) because Delta told him it would make him "more efficient". Apparently pre-Epsilon Wash it not only naive and innocent, he's also gullible as a fish.** That's not the best bit - not only is he trying to eat inside his helmet, he is implied to be ''succeeding'', if the changing food is anything to go by. He is eating entire fruits in between cuts away from him. Looks like it ''is'' more efficient after all.* That seagull that gets shot in Episode 7 is standing on [[spoiler:Wyoming's ''head'']].** For further entertainment, read the milk carton floating nearby.* Wash freaking out over 479's "cut the engines and plummet" method of arrival. -->'''Washington:''' Please don't say "crashing"!** [[TheStoic Delta]] is calmer, but still thinks ahead to ''make a backup of himself''. 479 calls him out on it. ** And, of course, Carolina and York teasing Wash as they're falling:-->'''Washington:''' I think I'm gonna be sick!-->'''Carolina:''' Y'know, Wash, these suits are supposed to eliminate all waste. You could probably throw up in your helmet, and it would take care of it.-->'''York:''' Yeah, you should test that.-->'''Washington:''' You two are assholes!** Delta then chimes in with "we never did get the vomit patch out of beta"* This conversation between [[VitriolicBestBuds Tucker and Epsilon]] in Episode 8.-->'''[[LovableSexManiac Tucker]]''': I tried everything I can to get some info out of her. I tried hitting on her, I tried sleeping with her, I tried making out with her-\\'''Epsilon''': [[SarcasmMode Sounds like a complete effort.]]\\'''Tucker''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Dude, no kidding!]] I used the whole playbook! I even used my best pick-up line: "[[SoBadItsGood hey baby, did you fall from heaven]], [[CrossesTheLineTwice cause I've always wanted to bone an angel]]!"\\'''Epsilon''': Tucker, be honest. [[UrbanLegendLoveLife Have you ever had sex with anything]] [[NeverLiveItDown besides an alien?]]\\'''Tucker''': [[LampshadeHanging Church, the more important question here is:]] [[NotHelpingYourCase do you know any girls who aren't complete bitches, that won't sleep with me?]]\\'''Epsilon''': *laughs* Sorry, dude. That seems to be all I have in my life.\\'''Tucker''': [[WithFriendsLikeThese You're like the worst wingman ever]].\\'''Caboose''': [[BorrowedCatchphrase Of all time.]]* Two guards at the enemy base quote the ArcWords before the Freelancers arrive.-->'''Guard 1:''' Hey.-->'''Guard 2:''' What?-->'''Guard 1:''' You ever wonder why we're- *cue ship** North and Theta set up a BeehiveBarrier around the snipers firing on them, inadvertently causing [[PinballProjectile the bullets to bounce all over the shield]], covering the inside with blood.-->'''North''': "Did I get 'em?"* During the fight; Wash briefly abandons York. Why? Wash gets [[RunningGag attacked by a car.]]-->'''Wash:''' [[OhCrap Uh-oh.]] Car! *Runs for dear life*-->'''York:''' Damn it! *Is punched then tackled** At one point in episode 9, Caboose becomes fixated on the trap Tucker said the Reds might be planning for them. Then came the topic of finding out what [[spoiler:Carolina]]'s goals are. -->'''Church:''' We need to find out exactly what [[spoiler:Carolina]]'s up to, and why she isn't telling us anything.-->'''Caboose:''' Okay! I will go ask her! Oh--ey--ya--I promise not to bring up the trap.-->'''Church:''' No, Caboose, look! Just... Don't.-->'''Caboose:''' Okay, fine. What would you like me to ask her?-->'''Tucker:''' You can go ask her if she has the hots for me. I think I felt an emotional connection the last time she hit me.-->'''Caboose:''' [[TooDumbToLive Tell her that you like to make]] [[CloudCuckooLander an emotional]] [[ComicallyMissingThePoint hot connection]] [[InnocentInnuendo with her trap.]] Got it.-->'''Tucker:''' Oh, that's even better!* [[TheyFightCrime "Hover Church can also solve crimes."]]** For context, Caboose is referring to the time when Church was installed in the Monitor (which, of course, hovers). A few seconds later, It's suggested that Church be installed in a Mongoose.--->'''Caboose:''' You're going to solve so many crimes.* This conversation in Episode 15:--->'''Wash''': ...Blue base was swept clean. As for Red Base, any evidence that might have been there was completely destroyed during the construction of some kind of giant, holographic projection room.--->'''Epsilon''': Man... [[ButtMonkey those guys are really starting to find creative ways to ruin my life.]] Mother fuckers.* Sarge's 'truce' talk with the blues. -->'''Sarge:''' It's about our mutual friend/enemy/companion.Or Friendenemapanion for short.* Epsilon is not happy about being installed in the Mongoose. -->'''Tucker:''' How do you feel? -->'''Epsilon:''' Like running over each and every one of you. -->'''Tucker:''' [[ButForMeItWasTuesday So, about like normal.]]-->'''Epsilon:''' Pretty much, yeah. ** He's also less than impressed with Tucker's attempt at optimism (and with Caboose being ... well, Caboose): -->'''Tucker:''' You can ''literally'' pick up chicks now! -->'''Epsilon:''' Yeah, because every girl dreams of settling down with [[{{Transformers}} Optimus Pr]][[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud HONK]]! [beat] [[TranquilFury Caboose]]... don't do that. -->'''Caboose:''' Sorry. * Sarge's song wishing for Grif's slow, painful death, and the fact that Simmons had subconsciously learned it in his sleep. -->'''Sarge Singing (tune of "When You Wish Upon A Star")''': I just wish that Grif was dead...-->'''Simmons joins in''': ...put a bullet through his head...-->'''Grif:''' ''What?'' Simmons, how do ''you'' know that song?-->'''Simmons''': It's been in my dreams for ''years''! Now it all makes sense. Oh thank ''God''! I thought I was crazy when I woke up with that rifle in my hands!* [[spoiler:Carolina]]'s slowly building fury as she details [[WhatAnIdiot exactly how stupid]] the BGC were for losing the Monitor unit.-->'''[[spoiler:Carolina]]''': How can you just leave an ''ancient alien artifact'' on the floor of a '''warehouse'''?* When she storms off:-->'''Wash:''' You guys are not making my life any easy right now.\\'''Tucker:''' Do we ever?\\'''Wash:''' Good point.* After [[spoiler:[[TookALevelInKindness Taking A Level In Kindness]], Carolina]] making a DoubleEntendre joke to Epsilon about "picking her up" is hilarious, especially in light of [[TearJerker the rest of]] [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming the episode]].-->'''[[spoiler:Carolina:]]''' Well, you'll have plenty of time on our ride back.\\'''Epsilon:''' [[ChivalrousPervert Yeah, well about that- hey is there anyway we could get back to the others that doesn't involve me carrying you?]]\\'''[[spoiler:Carolina:]]''' [[DefrostingIceQueen Haha, wow Church.]] I didn't know an AI unit could get so easily embarassed. Tell you what, just tell your friends that you [[DoubleEntendre "picked" me up]]. How does that sound?\\'''Epsilon:''' Remind me to never let you talk to [[LovableSexManiac Tucker]] again.* When Epsilon is talking about agreeing to work with Carolina, claiming to Tucker and Caboose that it's to get proximity to her.-->'''Epsilon''': Proximity is the key!\\'''Tucker''': I though [[ArcWords memory was the key]].\\'''Caboose''': Oh, yeah, and [[BrickJoke the sword. The sword is a key too.]]\\(...)\\'''Caboose''': We should really get a keyring.* Episode 13 features Grif and Simmons having a CallBack conversation about overtime pay and 401(k) matching. Simmons, naturally, not getting ''any'' despite regularly working 60 hours a week.* Sarge: "In the battle of ghosts versus robots, robots always win. Except in anime."* York trolling Wash about the side effects of implantation. -->'''Washington:''' You ever get [headaches] after you earned Delta? -->'''York:''' At first. They went away pretty quick, though. The other side effects were way worse. -->'''Washington:''' [[OhCrap What other side effects?]] -->'''York:''' You know: [[BreadEggsMilkSquick Bleeding from the eyes, ringing ears... inverted penis...]] -->'''Washington:''' Inverted ''what?!''* Episode 15 features the glorious return of [[spoiler:Donut! After almost three whole seasons! And he's got a sustainable garden! And a scare-Lopez]]. Oh, and Doc's back, too!** Sarge is less than pleased about it, though. -->'''Sarge:''' Simmons, commence operation "Point My Gun At Doc". -->'''Simmons:''' That was code for "point my gun at Grif". -->'''Sarge:''' Oh. Well, then commence operation "Point My Gun At Grif". -->'''Simmons:''' [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin That one's pretty much what it sounds like.]]* This little gem in episode 16:-->'''Grif''': Hey, Simmons, when you say [[InnocentInnuendo Donut nailed Lopez]] to a board?\\'''Simmons''': I mean with nails.\\ '''Grif''': Okay, had to ask.\\'''Simmons''': No, no, I understand. I should've been clearer. That's ''my'' fault. ** Grif may do nothing, but he takes pride in doing it ''well''. --->'''[[spoiler:Carolina:]]''' [[SurroundedByIdiots You might be the worst soldiers I've ever seen.]]--->'''Grif:''' Hey, I take offense at that! [[ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne What do you mean, 'might'?]]* This little one from Episode 18.-->'''[[MasterOfUnlocking York:]]''' (having accidentally set off the [[spoiler:''Mother Of Invention'']] alarm) [[ThatCameOutWrong I swear, this never happens to me.]]\\'''[[DefectorFromDecadence Texas:]]''' I'm sure you say that to all the ladies. ** Also, this from the same episode. --->'''Caboose:''' Church! [[spoiler:You're big again! What has she been ''feeding'' you?]]** Caboose and his [[FanPreferredCouple Fan Shipping]]:--->'''[[spoiler:Carolina]]:''' Listen up! We've got big news.\\'''Caboose''': *Gasp!* You and Wash are taking your relationship to the next level. I knew it. The writing was all over the walls.* The incredibly dramatic and heartwrenching episode 19 still managed to have a couple laugh-out-loud moments. ** The entire Wyoming and York scene. [[spoiler:A KnockKnockJoke battle, of all things.]]*** York slamming a locker door into Wyoming's face and then doing a double-take at the pin-up picture inside the locker. He even goes so far as to tuck the picture into a pocket as he's leaving.-->'''York:''' Talk about your knock-knocks...*** Wyoming has ''fanboys'' of all things, and two of them are helping him fight York.--->'''Wyoming:''' It's like idiots in stereo.** Also, Tex's comment on York's distraction (fire missiles from the [[MotherShip Mother of Invention]], into the [[HoistByHisOwnPetard Mother of Invention]])--->'''Tex:''' You call that big?! Men.* In Episode 20, there's quite a few.** The Reds and Blues are back at it in Valhalla.--->'''Tucker:''' All right. You know the drill.\\'''Simmons:''' Do we have to?\\'''Wash:''' That depends. How badly do you want your flag back?\\''Simmons looks at Grif.''\\'''Grif:''' Don't look at me! It's your turn.\\'''Simmons:''' ''*sighs*'' [[CallBack I would just like]] [[MythologyGag to let everyone know that I suck.]] [[CallBack And that I'm a girl, and I want to kiss all the boys.]]** Also, the shot showing all the stuff the Blues captured from the Reds. It's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it, but there's the banana loaf Doc and Donut made the Reds.** Doc asks if the others want to remember the good times they've had. They... kinda don't. --->'''Tucker:''' The "good times"?! I was stranded in the desert!\\'''Simmons:''' We were almost killed!\\'''Sarge:''' I learned my entire military career was a lie!\\'''Donut:''' And I got ''shot!''\\'''Wash:''' ''[[NotSoInnocentWhistle *looks away and whistles innocently*]]''** In order to get them to help Carolina earlier, Wash lied and told the Blood Gulch Crew that they were probably wanted criminals at this point, with no choice but to run around with her. Fast forward to this episode, and it turns out the wanted criminals part is true.** The GilliganCut between the Blood Gulch guys and the UNSC pilots.--->'''Pilot''': Surrender now! You are outnumbered! Uh, well... technically you're not really outnumbered. I think we've got the same number... uh, like one-to-one... [[TooDumbToLive We've got airships! Fast, easy to pilot airships. Which we will now land, in order to take you to jail!]]\\''(Sarge and Wash trade "are you thinking what I'm thinking" glances, then point their guns. GilliganCut to the Guys flying away with the ships.)''\\'''Caboose''': Goodbye, people we stole these planes from!\\'''Pilot''': Mother''fucker''!*** Even funnier in that it's the same pilot they stole a ship from at the end of Revelation (the one yelling for them to come back so he wouldn't lose his job).** Grif has the [[spoiler:Meta's [[BayonetYa "kni]][[GrenadeLauncher fle"]]]] still from Revelation, and has taken to [[ICallItVera calling it]] [[spoiler:the Grifshot]]. The following conversation about it ensues.--->'''Tucker:''' What were you going to do, [[LazyBum eat off it?]]\\'''Grif:''' Uh, actually, dickhead? I asked [[spoiler:Donut]] to [[PricelessPaperweight mount it for me]] [[BattleTrophy at the base]].\\'''[[spoiler:[[AmbiguouslyGay Donut]]]]:''' [[spoiler:[[InnocentInnuendo And you know I can't resist a good mounting!]]]]\\'''Washington:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight You've been hiding one of the most advanced pieces of technology]] ''[[LetMeGetThisStraight known to man]]''... [[LetMeGetThisStraight so you can]] ''[[PricelessPaperweight hang it in your living room]]''?\\'''Grif:''' ... well, [[LampshadeHanging when you say it like that, it sound dumb.]]\\'''Washington:''' [[WhatAnIdiot That's because it]] ''[[WhatAnIdiot is]]'' [[WhatAnIdiot dumb!]]* Episode 21 is mostly pure awesome, but it has it's moments.** [[spoiler:Carolina improvising an EpicFlail with a grenade and her GrapplingHookPistol. It wouldn't be so funny if the music weren't basically carnival music while she does so.]]** [[spoiler:Take Church trying to provide tactical backup to Carolina during the first part of the fight with the Tex copies:]]-->'''[[spoiler:Church]]''': [[spoiler:...seeing this many [[PsychoExGirlfriend ex-girlfriends]] in one room kinda [[OhCrap has me terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought]].]]-->'''[[spoiler:Carolina]]''': [[spoiler: Well, ''[[GetAHoldOfYourselfMan snap out of it]]!'' I need you!]]-->'''[[spoiler:Church]]''': [[spoiler: Need me for wh--? *Cue SuperSpeed* --WHOOAAAAAA!!!]]** [[spoiler: During and immediately after Caboose's FoeTossingCharge:]]--->'''[[spoiler:Caboose]]:''' [[spoiler:MY NAME IS MICHAEL J. CABOOSE. AND I. HATE. TAXES!"]]\\'''Grif:''' It's "Texas", you idiot! \\'''[[spoiler:Caboose]]:''' [[spoiler:THAT TOO.]]** [[spoiler:Grif, yet again, ends up getting [[GroinAttack hit in the nuts]] repeatedly by the Tex copies, to the surprise of no one. Even funnier because he ''just'' managed to avoid one by the timely intervention of Carolina, only to be hit by a completely different Tex. And off screen, while Epsilon was talking to Tex, he was hit with a GroinAttack by [[UpToEleven twenty Tex copies at the same time]]. Tucker thinks that Epsilon not stopping it before that was still WorthIt, though.]]* In episode 22, we finally learn the identity of the Mysterious Blue Guy. [[spoiler:Not only is he Flowers, as camp as ever, but he was also Agent Florida - apparently, the Counselor had fun fabricating the [[NoodleIncident "Poor Florida" incident]].]]* The credits for season 10 show one of the security people as Joe the Cat.[[/folder]][[folder:Season 11]]* Episode 1: When Sarge decides to remodel the Red's new base, whats his tool of choice? The Blue's tank, which he happily uses to knock out a few walls, with Grif still inside of course.** "Possession is nine-tenths of the law! The other tenth is a tank. And I've got both."* Wash seems to have fully assimilated as the group's OnlySaneMan. -->'''Wash:''' Sarge, the reds and blues aren't fighting. We're just camped at opposite ends of the canyon...[[NotHelpingYourCase in color-divided teams...while heavily armed.]]\\'''Sarge:''' True. But have you ever considered that fighting is just in our nature? It's almost instinctual. [[InsaneTrollLogic If we're not constantly trying to stab each other in the back, we'll surely die.]]\\'''Wash:''' Dear God, I hate you.\\'''Sarge:''' (Cheerfully) [[ComicallyMissingThePoint That's the spirit!!]]* Episode 2: In an argument, Wash insinuates that Tucker caused the crash.-->'''Wash:''' I have a hard time believing that thousands of well trained crew members were to blame for the incident.\\'''Tucker:''' Well they definitely didn't survive it! [[GallowsHumor Ha HA!]] ha... *coughs*\\'''Wash:''' [[DudeNotFunny Wow.]]\\'''Tucker:''' Y...yeah.\\'''Wash:''' Are you proud of yourself?\\'''Tucker:''' ...No.* During a discussion on Grif's non-existent construction skills: -->'''Sarge:''' I asked you to give me a proper erection, not to stiff me!\\'''Simmons:''' ''So'' glad Donut's not here. * The "flashback" in episode 3.* This interaction between Tucker and Wash from episode 3:--->'''Wash:''' [[DrillSergeantNasty I said sprints Private Tucker!]]\\'''Tucker:''' I'M GOING TO SPIT IN YOUR NEXT MEAL! [[{{Squick}} EXCEPT IT WON'T BE SPIT]]! [[DontExplainTheJoke IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN]]! * Caboose taking a walk by himself [[BlatantLies isn't depressing at all]]!* Episode 4 has a ton: ** Caboose investigates a mysterious sound in cave: --->'''Caboose:''' Hello! --->'''Caboose's Echo:''' Hello! --->'''Caboose:''' Oh. That was just me. That was stupid. Have a nice day! --->'''Caboose's Echo:''' Thanks, you too! --->'''Caboose:''' Well, I am a very pleasant person. ** Washington tries to whip some discipline into Tucker. It starts out like this:--->'''Wash:''' Tucker, in basic training, there's a point when [[DrillSergeantNasty the drill sergeant attempts to break his or her soldiers,]] so that they might overcome their civilian mind-set and focus on the responsibility and selflessness that comes with being a true soldier.--->'''Tucker:''' Uh, bro, I went through basic ''ages'' ago. True soldier, standing right here!--->'''Wash:''' What is the UNSC motto?--->'''Tucker:''' When in doubt, rub one out!--->'''Wash:''' [[TranquilFury I am going to break you, Private Tucker.]]** From there, Wash has Tucker run an obstacle course. High points include:*** Wash's idea of a starting pistol--shooting Tucker in the ass.*** Tucker has an inexplicable hatred of cones.*** Tucker steps on some huge land-mines.*** Tucker gets shot at from some off-screen source, with no idea where it's coming from.*** Wash's obstacle course somehow sends Tucker running through a massive war zone from Halo 4 ("Who are these people???"), and hurtling down the Warthog escape tunnel from the first Halo game! ("What the fuck is going on!?")*** Wash's assessment of Tucker's elapsed time? [[DamnedByFaintPraise "...Adequate. For a beginner."]]*** Caboose shows up and runs the same course. ''In about two seconds.'' While babbling to himself at light-speed.--->'''Caboose''': Okaythatwasfungottadostuffdon'taskanymorequestionsthankyougoodbyebye!!!--->'''Wash:''' ...I...think that's enough training for today.** Simmons is being driven to his breaking point by Grif's laziness, as the two are essentially room-mates due to Sarge's decision to divide Red Base into two sides.** Sarge insists on using an imaginary door to cross the invisible boundary between his side of the base and Simmons and Grif's side.** Simmons volunteers using their spare robot kit to help Wash repair the comm tower. Sarge dismisses this idea...on the conclusion that building a whole ''robot'' to help fix the comm tower will be ''much'' more efficient.** Washington and Grif go into the second floor of Red Base to look for the tool box. Combined with Simmons' commentary and Sarge's insistence on building a robot.---> '''Simmons:''' I hate them.---> '''Wash:''' Are those my socks?---> '''Grif:''' [[{{Squick}} Yeah but you probably don't want those back.]]---> '''Simmons:''' I hate all of them.* Moving on to Episode 5:** While "helping" Washington repair the comm tower, Tucker gives a surprisingly accurate description of how the GPS (Galactic Positioning System) on the crashed spaceship was supposed to have worked. Naturally, Washington asks him how he knows about this. Cue a flashback with Tucker listening to a crew member give the exact same speech, sounding disinterested...until he decides to try hitting on the female pilot. [[HilarityEnsues Which somehow results in alarms going off.]] Back in the present:---> '''Tucker:''' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial I...read it in a book?]]---> '''Washington:''' I don't believe you. Then again, I don't really care.---> '''Tucker:''' *Sigh of relief*** Washington can't find his soldering tool. Tucker asks if he thinks Red Team took it. Washington proceeds to pick up a shotgun and deliver a hilariously tongue-in-cheek imitation of Sarge:---> '''Washington:''' Men, it appears our ''shitty'' fortifications aren't meeting my ''ridiculous'' standards! Let's steal Washington's tank and fire it at our walls! ''That'll fix it!'' (beat, in his normal voice) Yes, I think the Reds took it.** This leads to Washington expressing ''why'' he's so wound up--Tucker is ''right.'' (More specifically, that someone should have found them by now...)** Lopez 2.0 is online. And guess what? He ''still'' speaks only Spanish!*** The new Lopez actually seems to have a rather friendly disposition, compared to the [[DeadpanSnarker original.]] [[SurroundedByIdiots Knowing the Reds,]] though, this Mr. Nice Guy attitude should be gone by the end of the season. [[spoiler:And how...while the original Lopez only became jaded and cynical, 2.0 ends up trying to ''kill them all!'']]* Episode 6: Caboose introduces his new friend [[spoiler: Freckles the Mantis]]! Cue MassOhCrap from the Reds and Blues, and a ''whimper'' from Grif.** Just to properly emphasize the reaction to [[spoiler: Freckles the Mantis]], you could easily tell that if they weren't wearing helmets, jaws would have hit the floor. Including AGENT [[OnlySaneMan WASHINGTON]].** The best part is that the introduction comes after they finally make contact with someone on the outside (even though it was [[spoiler: Donut]]). The two teams are ecstatic and make plans to eat all of their rations and waste all their bullets ([[OnlySaneMan while Wash tries to talk them out of it]]), then [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} Caboose]] comes up to them with his own good news.** Wash has some trouble remembering Donut.--> '''Washington:''' Who is Donut again?--> '''Simmons:''' [[NiceGuy Cheery guy?]] [[RealMenWearPink Pink armor?]]--> '''Grif:''' [[TheDitz Kind of stupid?]]--> '''Tucker:''' [[AmbiguouslyGay And a little...]]--> '''Washington:''' Wait, [[CallBack did I shoot him once?]]--> '''Grif:''' Bingo.--> '''Washington:''' Got it. And he's competent enough to trust with our lives?--> '''Donut:''' ''(on the radio)'' Sorry, did you say five, or nine?--> '''Sarge:''' [[EpicFail I said eight.]]--> '''Donut:''' Oh!--> '''Washington:''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck ...Right.]]** And before the radio starts working, the guys have a little exchange on the multiple uses of the [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch B-word...]]-->'''Grif:''' (Off Tucker doing squats after Wash ordered him to) Ha! Who's the bitch now?-->'''Tucker:''' [[IBangedYourMom Your sister was my bitch, if I remember correctly!]]-->'''Grif:''' [[BigBrotherInstinct ''What'' did you say to me, ''bitch?'']]-->'''Washington:''' (Trying to get the radio to work) ''No one'' is a bitch! Now, both of you be quiet!-->'''{{Beat}}'''-->'''Grif:''' Simmons is ''kind of'' [[YesMan a bitch.]]-->'''Simmons:''' Hey! What the fuck?!-->'''Sarge:''' Ah, can it, Private Bitch.-->'''Simmons:''' (Resigned) Yes, sir...-->'''Grif and Tucker:''' (Smugly) Bitch.-->'''Washington:''' (Losing his temper) I said, (hits the radio) ''be QUIET!''** And oddly enough, the radio starts ''working'' right then. With some help from Lopez 2.0, of course, but still...* Episode 7 has Grif forcing Simmons to confront the strange reality that none of them are able to ''not'' hold a weapon (due to it being a Machinima). This creeps Simmons out enough that he forgets why he was talking to Grif; to try and make him take out the garbage.** Even better when it's revealed that this was all a plan by Grif in order to get out of taking out the trash.* Tucker provides this gem in Episode 8 while complaining about Wash's leadership:--> '''Tucker''': Every day it's the same thing. Wake up, run drills, clean the base, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment run drills,]] maintain order, [[RuleofThree run drills.]] I have glamorous calves and a miserable fucking life!* Episode 9 had Sarge's extended paranoid rant, but this point takes the cake.---> '''Sarge''': It's almost like all of this is [[AsideGlance some sort of]] [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall sick game!]] ''*{{Beat}}*''\\'''Grif''': This conversation is starting to get a [[MetaFiction little Meta]].\\'''Sarge''': You're right... [[MythologyGag you think he was in on it too]]?* Episode 10 has some poorly chosen words in an argument between Wash and Tucker to cause Freckles to [[spoiler: declare ''Caboose'' the team captain]].---> '''Freckles''': In the unanimous decision by the Blue Team, [[spoiler: Caboose has been promoted to Blue Leader. Captain Caboose is your commanding officer. Do not talk back to your commanding officer]].---> '''Grif''': [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Oh, fuck]].** Without a doubt, a bad decision on their part.---> '''Freckles''': Do not talk back to your commanding officer.---> '''Tucker''': Wash and I are having an argument. I will be talking back to him. That's how arguments work, you fucking toaster.** Grif's attempts to distance himself from Sarge as he picks a fight with Freckles.** This:---> '''Wash''': Tucker, calm down.---> '''Tucker''': Me?! These guys roll up in a fucking assault jeep and you choose to yell at me?---> '''Wash''': Look, tensions are high-----> '''Tucker''': No shit, Washington. I'm tired of you bossing us around.---> '''Wash''': Now is not the time.---> '''Tucker''': You know, I disagree. We were having a talk when Tweedledee and Tweedle-fucking-idiot decided to interrupt, so let's finish this.---> '''Wash''': There is nothing to finish!---> '''Grif''': [[DeadpanSnarker Are we intruding on some sort of lovers' quarrel right now?]]** As the situation's about to deteriorate into a complete clusterfuck, a single gunshot is heard...everyone turns to see where it came from, and Tex's {{Leitmotif}} begins to play...[[spoiler: [[TheDayTheMusicLied and it's DONUT.]] ]]*** And [[spoiler: Donut's]] idea of ''helping?'' To bring [[spoiler: Doc and Lopez version 1.0]] along... ''[[spoiler: and then tell the ship to leave,]]'' [[spoiler: which means that everyone's STILL fucked.]]*** [[spoiler: Lopez Dos.0 meets the original Lopez... back in severed head form.]]*** Wash's reaction is so beautifully exasperated that it deserves deliberation.--> '''Wash:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight So you're telling me]]... that you heard our distress signal... [[spoiler: grabbed Doc... ''hopped on a ship''...[[SuddenlyShouting AND THEN TOLD THE SHIP TO LEAVE?!]] '''[[WhatAnIdiot AND THAT'S YOUR IDEA OF SENDING HELP]]?!?''']]*** Thus is the conflict resolved...[[spoiler: [[ConflictKiller by everyone's ire re-focusing on]] ''Donut''.]]--> {{Beat}} --> '''Sarge:''' ''Kill him!'' (Everyone rushes him at once.)* In Episode 11, Caboose's first team meeting as leader goes...awkwardly.* Also from episode 11, we start to get hints that the ship's crashing might not have been entirely Tucker's fault...--> '''(Flashback to the ship before it crashed)'''--> '''Crew Member:''' Oh my god! Who spilled soda all over my instruments?!--> '''Grif:''' Oh my god! [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I spilled my soda?!]]--> '''(Cue alarms going off)'''--> '''(Return to the present, focus on Grif)'''--> '''Grif:''' [[BlatantLies Somehow, the ship crashed, but, uh...no one seems to know why or how, or when...]]--> '''Sarge:''' (Walks up) Men!--> '''Grif:''' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial I didn't do it! You can't prove that I did!!]]** Immediately following is Sarge's BatDeduction popping up again, this time making being a pacifist into being blood-hungry.--> '''Sarge:''' Yea, but think about it! You can't spell pacifist without ''fist'', which you need to throw a punch. That always leads to fighting, the precursor to a full-out battle! Which is ultimately the first step on the inevitable road to war! Violence is unavoidable Doc. [[InsaneTrollLogic Time to just admit that you've got a pacifist's natural-born lust for murder!]]* In episode 12, Grif and Doc discovers a stack of high-tech energy cubes. Grif's idea of a finding out what they do is to throw them at stuff and see what happens, ignoring Doc's pleas for caution.--> '''Doc:''' What is ''wrong'' with you?!* Before that, Grif finds a small pistol that shoots modules that stick harmlessly to whatever they hit. He tries one out on Doc. The next few minutes play out without anything happening, and Grif's about to convince Doc to grab one of those pistols and join in the fun. Then Sarge comes up and tells them to get back to work, and for Doc to pull off the sticky-module and toss it aside. As everyone walks away, none of them notice that the module ''explodes.'' [[ChekhovsGun That'll be relevant about six episodes later...]]* Near the end of episode 12, Sarge finds a heavily-armored mech in the ship. He likens it to seeing a pretty girl on the first day of school. It's actually pretty cute, until...-->'''Sarge:''' ...Now, imagine that the pretty girl is armored with a titanium poly-alloy, and outfitted with fifty-millimeter cannons and ammo for ''days!''-->'''Doc:''' She sounds pretty high-maintenance. -->'''Grif:''' She sounds like I'd need a safe word to date her.** And then while they're trying to figure out how to ''move'' this giant mech, Sarge suggests taking it apart and moving it piece by piece, in carrying cases if need be...while ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice still using the "pretty girl" analogy!]]''-->'''Doc:''' Yeah... [[{{Metaphorgotten}} I think your dating metaphor took a turn into serial killer territory.]]* Episode 13 has this in the form of the [[WideEyedIdealist new Lopez]] interacting with [[spoiler: [[DeadpanSnarker the old one]] ]].** At the end of the episode, old Lopez takes it upon himself to tell his successor why the Reds are the worst. It involves some [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall amazing breaking down of the fourth wall]]--> '''Lopez:''' [SUSPIRO] Vas a querer sentarte para esta historia. Es alrededor de veinte horas y solo disfruto contarla en intervalos de cinco minutos. ([SIGH] You're going to want to sit down for this story. It's about 20 hours long and I only enjoy telling it in 5 minute intervals).* Also from Episode 13, as Grif demonstrates the teleporter cubes to Donut:--> '''Donut:''' Oooh! They're like [[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} Pokeballs!]]--> '''Grif:''' No, ''these'' are [[TakeThat cool!]] Do ''not'' ruin them for me!* Episode 14 shows Grif shirking on cleaning the base in order to test the teleportation cubes. Out of frustration, Donut snags a cube, throws it onto Grif's stuff, and then throws it [[MythologyGag all the way across Exile]]... straight into Blue Base, right by [[NeatFreak Simmons]].** The best part: [[TemptingFate "Things are starting to look up."]] *the teleportation cube lands.--> '''Simmons:''' '''''[[DistantReactionShot NOOOOOOOOOOO]]''''''''''[[BigNo OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!]]'''''** Afterwards, Caboose's newest order is to clean up Blue base. His description of the new mess includes...-->'''Caboose''' ...And Simmons [[TroubledFetalPosition won't stop rocking back and forth in the corner,]] and he's uh...kinda freaking me out.* Apparently, Tucker and Grif weren't the only ones who caused the ship to crash... Even ''[[spoiler:[[NotSoAboveItAll Washington]]]]'' helped out a little bit.--> '''[[spoiler:Wash:]]'' Uh, sorry guys, I just knocked out a cable. [[TemptingFate I hope it wasn't important.]]\\''[[OhCrap (Alarms begin to blare)]]''* When making up with Tucker, Washington's speech includes this funny little tidbit halfway through:--->'''Wash:''' [[OvershadowedByAwesome Did you know I was one of the worst Freelancers in my squad?]] There was Agent York, [[PlayfulHacker our security specialist]], Agent North, [[FriendlySniper the sharpshooter]], Carolina [[ActionGirl was an expert in martial arts]], and Tex was...[[TheAce well, you know Tex.]]--->'''Tucker:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Cool story bro.]]--->'''Wash:''' [[MoodWhiplash I was known for]] [[CallBack getting a grappling hook]] [[GroinAttack stuck to my balls.]]--->'''Tucker:''' ...Okay, where are you going with this?** What's even funnier is that whether by accident or on purpose, it looks like Tucker's doing a double-take as he hears that last part!* This little punctuation to Caboose's latest set of orders is both amusing and oddly adorable-->'''Caboose: Assistant Captain Best Friend Freckles, Initiate piggyback sequence! (leaps onto Freckles' back who proceeds to take him back to base)* Lopez 1.0 demonstrates to 2.0 the one reason he likes the Red Team: he can insult them all he likes in Spanish, and they won't even realize it!* Following the heartwarming speech Washington gave to Caboose, Caboose tries on the new helmet Wash made for him. Tucker compliments Wash on his scheme, while Wash admits that he meant every word. [[MoodWhiplash And then...]]-->'''Caboose:''' Uh oh. I-I can't see anything. Hello?-->'''Tucker''' I think you need to work on your craftsmanship.-->'''Caboose:''' OH, MY GOD! I'M BLIND!-->'''Washington:''' One step at a time, Tucker.* Red Team ''finally'' gets their robot, the Cyclops, built...and it turns out that Sarge's [[SamusIsAGirl comparison to a beautiful lady isn't that far off the mark!]] Only two problems. One, Grif's laziness resulted in several missing parts. Two, she considers ''everything.'' to be a hostile...''[[TurnedAgainstTheirMasters including Red Team.]]'' Oh, and three: she ran out of power because Sarge [[TimTaylorTechnology converted her to diesel instead of power cells]]. Afterwards, Sarge and Grif have this conversation on room for improvement:-->'''Sarge:''' Looks like she needs a bigger fuel tank.-->'''Grif:''' Fuck ''that!'' She needs to be thrown off a cliff!-->'''Sarge:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I don't see how that's gonna solve the fuel problem...]]* When Locus' four-man assault squad attacks Blue Team, Tucker [[CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass retaliates and takes one of them out with a headshot.]] Washington tries to suggest negotiation by pointing out that [[PoorCommunicationKills they don't know who these soldiers are or why they're attacking...]]-->'''Tucker:''' They're the guys who're gonna kill ''us'' if ''we'' don't kill them ''first''!-->'''{{Beat}}'''-->'''Washington:''' [[PreAssKickingOneLiner Freckles! Take them out!]]-->'''Freckles:''' [[MacrossMissileMassacre Eliminating targets.]]* In episode 16, Doc finishes patching up the leg wound of the mysterious orange-accented soldier (A.K.A. Felix), who points out that he still can't feel his toes. Donut cheerfully observes that this is apparently normal.* When Felix claims that the Blood Gulch Crew has a reputation for being the galaxy's greatest warriors, the team's reaction is mixed:-->'''Simmons:''' (Gives the rest of the group a dubious glance) Well...[[MistakenForBadass I can see how you might]] ''[[MistakenForBadass think]]'' [[MistakenForBadass that...]]-->'''Sarge:''' [[IRejectYourReality Because it's absolutely true!]]-->'''Doc:''' [[CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass It's...]] ''[[CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass partially]]'' [[CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass true.]]-->'''Grif:''' [[ArmedFarces But mostly false.]]-->'''Wash:''' [[SurroundedByIdiots ...Stop giving him information.]]* Caboose continues to have problems with his helmet's visibility system.* We continue to learn that the crashing of the ship at the beginning of the season was the fault of more than one person when Simmons wonders how they ended up all the way across the galaxy. Cue a flashback from Sarge...-->'''Crew Member:'''Sir, please! You can't be back here! These engines are ''delicate!''-->'''Sarge:''' Can it, pointdexter! No wonder this flight's taking so long! Whoever heard of delicate engines? [[TimTaylorTechnology Engines are supposed to be big, loud, and terrible for the environment!]] Let's kick this baby into Slipspace!-->'''Crew Member:''' Wait--!-->'''(Sarge throws a switch, and alarms start blaring. Cut back to the present, focus on Sarge)'''-->'''Sarge:''' Er...one mystery at a time there, Simmons.* Felix explains his job:-->'''Felix''': I'm a freelancer.-->(Everybody instantly points their NoisyGuns at him)-->'''Felix''': No, n-no, I mean I'm a mercenary! A gun for hire!** Even funnier is that even ''[[ActualPacifist Doc]]'' raises his gun!* In Episode 17, Tucker manages to fix the visor of Caboose's new helmet...but somehow screws up its voice chip.--> '''Tucker:''' How about now?--> '''Caboose:''' Still can't see anything!--> '''Tucker:''' (Dryly) Open your eyes.--> '''Caboose:''' [[FourthWallObserver Oh, my God! The graphics are incredible!]]* In episode 18, as the fight unfolds, [[spoiler: Lopez 2.0 inside C.C.'s frame]] is going on a rampage until Donut steps in. His revealing that he can speak Spanish (poorly) starts out funny, then quickly becomes awesome.... and becomes funny again when he calls Dos-Point-Oh a "teriyaki pencil circus."* Also from episode 18, Freckles is low on juice, so Simmons hooks him up to the power supply. Only problem is, all of the power is being diverted to Red Base. [[BrickJoke Downloading a high definition picture of Freckles on Basebook.]] Wash sums up the stupidity of the situation perfectly.-->'''Wash''': [[LetMeGetThisStraight DOWNLOADING A PICTURE]] [[BigWhat ON BASEBOOK IS DRAINING OUR]] [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe ENTIRE POWER SUPPLY?!]]-->'''Donut:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint It was a very high-quality picture.]]-->'''Wash''': [[LampShadeHanging HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE?!]]* When Locus gets more involved in the fight by shooting the Reds' tank with a sticky-explosive, Sarge and Simmons bail out just before the bomb goes off. Grif has this to say:-->'''Grif:''' [[OhCrap Holy shit!]] [[BrickJoke Those things]] ''[[BrickJoke explode?!]]''[[/folder]][[folder:Season 12]]* According to the Trailer, Grif trains his men by leading them on infiltration missions into the mess hall, Simmons has the most [[CannotTalkToWomen incompatible team for him]], and Caboose is simply not allowed to touch heavy weapons or machinery.... [[NoodleIncident Kimball won't go into details.]]* Episode 1: Grif's armor color gag returns, but this time it is referenced with his squad's name "Gold Team." and demanding it be renamed orange team.-->'''Grif:''' You tell them it makes a big difference, Bitters, [[InsistentTerminology because I am orange!]] I am not gold! I am not yellow! I am [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] ''orange!'' ** Simmons having a bit of an anxiety attack:-->'''Simmons:''' What would Sarge say at a time like this?\\'''Grif:''' Shut it Simmons!\\'''Simmons:''' Probably, yeah.** Simmons gets a door open, and Caboose charges in, guns blazing... [[YourPrincessIsInAnotherCastle only to find another door]].-->'''Caboose:''' Did we win?** When Grif tells Simmons to man up about his girl issue (Since his entire squad is filled with girls.) this exchange occurs-->'''Simmons:''' Oh man, this is just like junior high all over again! -->'''Grif:''' What?-->'''Simmons:''' Why do I have to play in the women league!? I wanna be a mathlete, Dad! A mathlete! ** When Kimball halts the exercise, Caboose keeps yelling and shooting for a moment.-->'''Kimball:''' What. The Hell. Was that?!-->'''Caboose:''' [still yelling, then halts] Oh, we stopped.** "On a scale of one to ten, I'd say we're pretty much fucked."* Episode 2:** Two Federal Army soldiers talk about a cut power cable.-->'''Guard 1:''' The rats must have chewed through the wire.\\'''Guard 2:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight That is a military-grade, reinforced power cable.]] What kind of rats are you ''talking'' about?\\'''Guard 1:''' ... [[SpaceX Space rats?]]\\'''Guard 2:''' ... [[TheGuardsMustBeCrazy Yeah, I can see that.]]** Felix gets ambushed by a Fed, and immediately turns and throws a combat knife at the guy, killing him instantly. He then takes a Tiger Woods pose.-->'''Felix:''' I am ''fucking awesome''.* Episode 3:** When Grif is telling the troops the story of the final fight with The Meta (a story that isn't really that exaggerated), he has the troops in utter awe.---> '''Republic Soldier 1:''' What did you do?\\'''Grif:''' Huh? Oh, uhh we tied a car to him and threw it off a cliff.\\'''Republic Soldier 2:''' ...That is the most metal thing I've ever heard.*** When Simmons shows up, Jensen asks him if The Meta really had the strength of 10 bears, Simmons hesitates for a few seconds before bumping it up to 20.* Episode 4:** Smith, Caboose's lieutenant, translating Caboose's rambling into something inspiring... And loving the idea of Kool-Aid on tap.-->'''Simmons''': My fellow soldiers. If you elect me as your leader, you're not just voting for a kind, well-mannered leader, you're voting for victory. I've overseen countless skirmishes and calculated my opponent's every move. And although some people may not count Dungeons and Dragons as an acceptable example of military expertise, I beg to differ. A vote for Dick Simmons is a vote for America!-->'''Palomo''': ...But we're not in America.-->'''Simmons''': ...Fuck! ** Then there's Grif campaign pitch which was basically calling dibs.** Jensen getting so nervous that she 'chokes on her own spit' and collapses momentarily.-->'''Tucker''': Simmons, what the fuck is this?!\\'''Simmons''': It was either her or the really hot one who plays volleyball!\\'''Tucker''': ''Then what the fuck is this?!''* Episode 5:** The rescue squad decides to test their skill by trying to take out Felix. Cue montage of failure after failure, ranging from a OffhandBackhand shield to the face to a training grenade reversal to a call back to Creator/AchievementHunter for Tucker alone.---> '''Tucker:'''*Jumps out at Felix*\\'''Tucker:''' Surprise Motherfucker!\\'''Tucker:''' *Falls off cliff immediately*\\'''Tucker:''' Son of a bitch!** At another point, Tucker throws a grenade at Felix yelling "Catch!" Felix proceeds to do so, counts a couple of 'Mississippis', then throws it back at the now fleeing Tucker, and fist pumps when it works.** Simmons' overly complicated hand gestures to Grif during another ambush attempt, including snapping in Z formation, and Grif's reaction to them. Bonus for Felix walking up and realizing what they were doing, and simply punching Grif (seen via helmet cam).---> '''Grif:''' At what point did you think I understood that?*** Seriously it's hilarious in-universe so well it attracted a crowd with Felix commenting he hadn't heard those guys laughing so much. ** The guys who edited the footage together are voiced by [[Creator/AchievementHunter Achievement Hunters]] [[SirSwearsALot Michael]] [[RageQuit Jones]] and [[TheAce Ray]] [[DeadpanSnarker Narvaez]] [[SomethingAboutARose Jr]]. [[ActorAllusion This cannot possibly be an accident.]]** Palomo being DistractedByTheSexy. And caught doing so on video. ** The exercise routines. In the running, Caboose is winning, and Grif collapses. With the push-ups, Caboose is simply counting "thirty-three" over and over as he does push-ups, while Grif and Bitters are lying on their sides tapping their fingers. It's minor, but amusing. ** During the aforementioned OffhandBackhand incident, Felix can be heard expressing his concerns to the female medical officer that he may be too good-looking.** Felix's NotSoAboveItAll moment when he sticks his tongue out at Tucker and only realizes it isn't effective with a helmet in the way when Tucker asks why he's still just standing there.** The fact that every time it cuts to the people watching the failure montage, the crowd has increased in size until it's about 10 nameless grunts alongside the team. All of them are in hysterics.** Smith gave his grenades to Caboose.-->'''Caboose:''' *tosses a grenade directly at the wall a few inches in front of him* Fire in the hole.* Episode 6** Tucker finally tries to hit on Kimball it goes very badly.** Kimball sheepishly admitting that the pond beside her "nice thinking place" is full of radioactive algae** Grif is becoming Sarge due to the stress of leadership. [[WhatHaveIBecome He's horrified by this.]]-->'''Grif:''' Simmons, what is happening to me!?\\'''Simmons:''' I think you're having a mental breakdown.[[note]]Caboose: Yeah, those are my favorite kind.[[/note]] Being thrust into a position of power must be putting too much stress on your brain. Now it's devolving into what you subconsciously perceive to be the symbol of leadership- Sarge!\\'''Grif:''' That's not true! That's impossible! [[BigNo Nooooo!]]\\'''Palomo:''' You guys have ''any'' idea what's going on here?\\'''Jensen:''' Not in the slightest.** Bitters stealing and eating a snack cake that Grif has been saving since ''basic training''. It doesn't go too well for him.-->'''Bitters:''' [''weakly''] Don't... let me drown... in my helmet. *gags*** Caboose's impression of Sarge after Grif explains his predicament to Tucker.-->'''Caboose:''' Yarrr! Drop and give me booty!* Episode 7** Discussing plans for leaving:-->'''Grif''': Vehicle bay's got plenty of Warthogs I guess...-->'''Caboose''': [[CallBack And I can drive a tank!]]-->'''Everyone''': '''''No!'''''-->'''Caboose''': Ah, you guys are just jealous.** The guys at their 'truck stop' *** Caboose wanting a lottery ticket*** Grif wanting to loot the place and take the Slushee machine *** Tucker wanting magazines with 'pictures' ** Grif and Simmons talking about [[BlessedWithSuck the worst super power.]]* Episode 8** The guys break into the Fed base, and when they're about to get caught, disguise themselves as snowmen. *** Made even better by Grif saying he used to do it in Bloodgulch, which didn't work for obvious reasons. ---> '''Fed Soldier''': [[spoiler:''[[ItMakesSenseInContext But...why, snowman?!]]'']]** Noticing that there weren't any guards around:--->'''Tucker:''' I don't know, [[TemptingFate doesn't look like there's anyone around to me.]]\\''A siren blares off from the speakers around the outpost.''\\'''Soldier on PA:''' Alright, lunch breaks over. Back to your stations people.\\''Feds start piling out of the base and moving to their posts.''\\'''Soldier on a warthog:''' Come on maggots, get the lead out! Move! Move! Move!\\''Soldiers continue to move out of the outpost and set up stations around the base.''\\'''Soldier in a tank:''' Woo! Brand new tank, coming in! This will kill any intruders for sure!\\'''Tucker:''' I hate my stupid mouth.\\'''Grif:''' I hate it more.** The Feds' ArmedFarces moments when their lunchbreak ends and when they rush to [[spoiler:save their possessions from being ruined by sewage]].---> '''Fed Soldier:''' This is what we've been training for!"\\'''Another Fed Soldier:''' Christ! [[FridgeHorror Last night]] [[{{Squick}} was taco night!]]\\'''Yet Another Fed Soldier:''' WE NEED TO SAVE OUR SHIT FROM THE SHIT!* Episode 9** Washington trying to stay composed while Sarge rants and raves while they are still 'captives':-->'''Washington:''' I have an idea. Let's play the quiet game.\\'''Donut:''' Ohohoho. It. Is. On!\\'''Sarge:''' Great Monopoly's top hat, Wash! Now is not the time for games! Now is the time for action! Come on, help me get out of these cuffs. There's a certain someone in this room that I feel like bludgening to death!\\'''Donut:''' Just use your feet, Sarge. If he fights back, [[AccidentalInnuendo I'll beat him off]] ya!\\'''Sarge:''' You're not thinking, Donut! That'll just alert more guards.\\'''Donut:''' Well, if I can't [[AmbiguouslyGay beat off a room full of dudes]], then what have I been training for this whole time?\\'''Washington:''' [[SurroundedByIdiots I would ''really'' like to play the quiet game, please.]]** Donut's safe word: [[spoiler: It's "[[MythologyGag Chrysanthemum]]".]]** General Donald Doyle meeting the captive Red and Blues. Followed shortly after by him fainting in front of the captive Red and Blues in his own base, surrounded by several of his men.** Washington, Sarge, and Donut confronting General Doyle:-->'''Washington:''' So you sent your men to kill us?!\\'''Doyle:''' Absolutely not!\\'''Sarge:''' I've got a few cracked ribs that beg to differ! And a headbone that strongly disagrees.** Lopez's triumphant return:-->'''Sarge''': Bienvenidos, Robo-buddy! You're back in the world of the living! Viva... [[GratuitousSpanish la Viva.]]\\'''Lopez''': Yo no estaba muerto. Mis miembros simplemente dejaron de funcionar y ellos me tiraron en la basura. Fue la experiencia más agradable que he tenido en años. Después aparecieron ustedes.\\'''Translation''': I wasn't dead. My limbs just stopped working and they put me in the trash can. It was the most enjoyable experience I have had in years. Then you showed up.*** And the follow up reaction:-->'''Sarge''': No need to thank us!** Lopez realizes that Locus can understand him and completely panics.--->'''Donut:''' (quietly to Lopez) [Locus] doesn't make any sense.--->'''Lopez:''' Se debe a que está loco.(That's because he's insane.)--->'''Locus:''' (menacingly) I am not!--->'''Lopez:''' ALARM! MIERDA! EL ES BILINGÜE. POR FAVOR NO ME MATES.(HOLY SHIT! HE'S BILINGUAL! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!)*** When Lopez is turned back on, his system displays say:--->English.exe failed to initiate\\Sarcasm module 100%\\Life forms detected:\\1 - Idiot\\2 - Loud Idiot\\3 - Agent Washington*** The fact that he gives more respect to the guy who practically shot him to death than his own teammates is funny in itself.** Doyle revealing how low he was in the command hierarchy before enough of his predecessors ran away or died. --->'''General Doyle:''' [I was] Personal secretary to the brigadier.--->'''Agent Washington:''' ''[[BigWhat WHAT?!]]''** Our introduction to [[MadScientist Doctor Grey]]. While she's happy that Doyle wasn't seriously hurt, she ''did'' [[NightmareFetishist entertain the idea of experimenting on her commanding officer's fresh corpse]]. Then she's off to amputate some limbs with all the creepy gusto afforded to her.*** Her happily explaining that due to how bad the Civil War has gotten, there are virtually no civilians left...and that anyone ''not'' in PowerArmor was killed long ago.* Episode 10** Donut's idea of setting up a perimeter.-->'''Donut:''' (yelling) Hey! Just so you guys know, you better not come over here!\\'''Lopez:''' Usted se avergüenza a si mismo. <You embarrass yourself.>** The uncomfortable and somewhat shocked reaction of the Reds and Blues seeing a FED soldier [[spoiler:disintegrated in front of them]].** Tucker's reaction to seeing [[spoiler:Epsilon Church]].-->[[spoiler: '''Church:''']] Miss me, assholes?!\\'''Tucker:''' You fuck! ''(Jumps at him, [[spoiler: passing right through the hologram and falling on his face]])''--> [[spoiler:'''Church:''']] Huh... Wasn't expecting that.* Episode 11: [[spoiler: While Church is working on a game plan for Carolina's fight, he's having a conversation with all the other AI. Which includes Delta suggesting he get a dog to combat loneliness, and Theta getting all excited about the idea.]] ** [[spoiler: Church's snarkiness has not gone down in the slightest.]]-->'''Carolina:''' How long until transfer?-->'''Church:''' About forty-five seconds.-->'''Carolina:''' And you can't make that go quicker?-->-->'''Church''': That should give you enough time to deal with the three security personel who are about to come through the door.-->'''Carolina''': What? Which door?!-->'''Church''': ''(exasperated)'' There's ''only one door!'' They just set a breaching charge by the way.-->'''Carolina''': What?!-->'''Church''': Detonates in ''three''-->'''Carolina''': Why didn't you tell me?! -->'''Church:''' ''Two'' I just did!-->'''Carolina''': Epsilon!-->'''Church''': ''One'' Oh, you'll be fine!* Episode 12:** Grey cheerfully getting to know the teams.--->'''Dr. Grey:''' [[DysfunctionJunction Psychoanalyzes for everyone!]]*** Particular mention goes to when Church first appears in front of her. She takes it strangely in stride.---> '''Dr. Grey:''' So... there's a tiny ghost man here. Anyone care to introduce me?!** Bordering a bit on TearJerker, Caboose insisting that [[BlatantLies he didn't miss Church.]]** The Reds comparing the Blue's bickering to daytime soaps.--->'''Sarge:''' Heh, this is better than any daytime television drama. And that's some quality programming.\\'''Donut:''' Maybe Church will turn out to be someone's long-lost brother.\\'''Grif:''' I think we've had enough plot twists for one lifetime.\\'''Donut:''' And his real name is Horatio!\\'''Sarge:''' [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike I'd watch it.]]** We finally see how Simmons contributed to the crash. [[spoiler: He was updating the navigation system]]*** When Carolina say she thinks the ship was crashed there by 3rd parties:--->'''Simmons:''' So what you are saying is, there's no way any of ''us'' could be responsible for the crash.\\'''Carolina:''' I...well...yes. Why do you ask?\\'''Everyone else:''' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial No reason!]]*** Hell, even the fact that ''[[HypercompetentSidekick Simmons]]'' was involved at all is funny.*** Not to mention that the only member of the team ''not'' explicitly involved in all of these hijinx (not counting Carolina and Church) turns out to be...''[[TeamKiller Caboose???]]'' * Episode 13:** Grif refusing to part with his new laser weapon has a few highlights:*** Donut cheerfully accounting how Grif [[InelegantBlubbering broke down]] after the UNSC confiscated the "Grif-Shot" (Meta's old grenade rifle).*** Grif and Sarge butt heads over handing the weapon over:--->'''Sarge:''' Damn it, Grif! Hand over that laser this instant!--->'''Grif:''' You can't tell me what to do! I out-rank you! ''[[CallBack Again!]]''--->'''Sarge:''' What the--?! ([[{{Angrish}} Angry muttering]], followed by hefting his shotgun) Well, let's see you out-rank the end of my shotgun!--->'''Grif:''' (Raising his laser weapon) Uh, done. Fucking space-laser, bitch.*** Church ends up ghosting into Grif to make him hand over the weapon...which is covered in grease, much to Carolina's disgust. And apparently, Grif ''himself'' is pretty greasy, much to ''Church's'' disgust. ** Caboose's little talk with Wash about [[spoiler: the fate of Freckles]].--->'''Washington:''' ...Caboose. I'm not really sure how to tell you this without both confusing you... and breaking your disturbingly fragile heart.--->'''Caboose:''' I'm an emotional time bomb!--->'''Washington:''' (under his breath) [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Jesus Christ.]]** Caboose treating the [[spoiler: flashdrive Freckles]] like a real dog. ** Afterwards, Wash is privately reflecting on how it's nice to have everyone back together. Cue the MomentKiller:--->'''Grif:''' (Off-screen, shouting) Back off, lady, or I will ''put you in the ground!''--->'''Washington:''' Aaand the moment's passed.** Grif's teleporter cubes make a return appearance... along with [[CallBack a reminder]] that they were inadvertently used to [[PutOnABus teleport Doc to God-knows-where.]]--->'''Lopez:''' Y Doc. Usted accidentalmente teletransportó a Doc. (And Doc. You accidentally teleported Doc.)--->'''Donut:''' Oh my God, that's right! [[ComicallyMissingThePoint We DID use them to defeat Dos Point Oh!]]--->'''Lopez:''' Oh, por el amor de Dios... (Oh, for fuck's sake...)** And Sarge admits that they found said cubes while trying to find a way to defeat the Blues--[[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial er, their giant robot, Freckles.]]* Episode 14** Caboose's excitement [[spoiler: at seeing his life flash before his eyes.]] ** Grif and Simmons bantering is called pillow talk. By everyone.** Grey promises to make food out of fungi and algae when the group returns. Wash kindly asks her not to.* Episode 15** Wash talking to Tucker at the beginning after watching Grey chew out Carolina about using her speed enhancement with a bad leg.-->'''Agent Washington:''' You know, I don't think I've ever seen a civilian lecture a Freelancer like that before. It was... pretty entertaining, actually.\\'''Tucker:''' Hey Wash, you got a sec?\\'''Wash:''' I swear to god, if you want me to look at another rash, I'm gonna hit you.** After Washington gives Tucker his best attempt at a pep talk, Simmons walks up to ask the ex-Freelancer to help with Carolina's interrogation of their new prisoner. More specifically, Simmons is hoping that Wash can calm Carolina ''down:''--> '''Carolina:''' (shouting off-screen after hitting something) ''"WHY WON'T HE '''TALK?!'''"''--> '''Simmons:''' She's a ''[[{{Understatement}} little]]'' frustrated...** And when they get there, Carolina has resorted to throwing things. Church (who just had a metal crate thrown through his holographic form) dryly remarks that she [[MythologyGag takes after her mother.]]-->'''Sarge:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Was her mother some sort of silverback gorilla on steroids?]]-->'''Church:''' Yeah, you'd better be happy her mother's not around to hear you say that.** When Dr. Grey joins the conversation, asking if the prisoner's awake, Grif points out that he's betting that he won't stay that way long--specifically, he thinks Carolina will ''rip his spine out'' within the hour. [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike Simmons takes him up on those odds.]]** Then Dr. Grey decides to take over the interrogation, [[DissonantSerenity cheerfully remarking]] that all of her friends back at her old base are dead thanks to the space pirates. Ergo, she thinks the one they captured [[TortureTechnician is due for a checkup.]] [[GeneralRipper Sarge]] [[BreakTheBadass and]] [[BrokenAce Carolina]] [[{{Beat}} give each other a concerned glance]]. [[ToThePain Cut to her describing the facility's surgical equipment and incinerator to their defiant prisoner, and her experience with it.]] [[DiscretionShot And then...]]--> ''(Outside, the assembled team is listening to the prisoner's [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl shrieks]] of frightened pain, and Dr. Grey's [[WickedCultured renditions]] of operatic arias.)''-->'''Simmons:''' (Nervously) Sarge? I'm scared.-->'''Sarge:''' Simmons, we're ''all'' scared. ({{Beat}}) [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Except for me.]]-->''(Dr. Grey walks out and joins them.)''-->'''Dr. Grey:''' (Cheerfully) His name's Zachary Miller, he's ex-military, and he was polite enough to hand over the coordinates to a nearby radio jamming tower.-->'''Carolina:''' [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe You're kidding me.]]-->'''Dr. Grey:''' [[JustForPun No silly, I'm Dr. Grey!]] [[DontExplainTheJoke Ha! Dad joke!]]-->'''Carolina:''' ...All right. Think he's...in a position to answer a few more questions?-->'''Dr. Grey:''' Oh, absolutely! [[TooMuchInformation Just let me go put him back together.]]-->''(Dr. Grey walks off, and Tucker looks at Caboose.)''-->'''Tucker:''' Caboose.-->'''Caboose:''' Yes?-->'''Tucker:''' Don't ''ever'' stick your dick in crazy.-->'''Caboose:''' I have no idea what that means.-->'''Tucker:''' ''(sadly)'' I know.** It crosses over with an [[Awesome/RedVsBlue Awesome Moment]], but Zachary reveals that [[spoiler:it was a tractor beam that caused the UNSC ship to crash, and not the Reds and Blues' antics. [[EpicFail Those antics]] ''[[EpicFail ripped the ship in half]]'' [[EpicFail instead.]]]]-->'''Zachary:''' [[spoiler:It was like the ship tried to jump to slipspace, change course and power down, all at the same time. It didn't make any sense! Instead of pulling you down, the ship got...ripped apart.]]-->'''Washington:''' [[spoiler:...I'm...gonna go ahead and claim partial responsibility for that.]]** As the mercenaries working for [[spoiler: CoDragons Locus and Felix]] catch up to them, Church calls out positions while Carolina and Wash get ready to hold them off in the medical lab. Then the rest of the Blood Gulch Crew retreats into the room, their voices overlapping into a panicked babble that reinforces the fact that they [[ArmedFarces aren't exactly a team of badass commandoes.]] [[CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass Most of the time, anyway.]]* Episode 16** Carolina's exasperation at [[spoiler: Church and Tucker's apology to each other.]]** [[spoiler: Freckles is debugged. Now he just needs to get 'fixed'.]]** This moment between Bitters and Smith after a RousingSpeech from Kimball.-->'''Bitters:''' Yeah, [[ThisIsGonnaSuck we're totally dead.]]\\''(Smith punches Bitters)''\\'''Bitters:''' OW!\\'''Smith:''' Not. The time.* Episode 17** Palomo tries to think of the "Super Elite Team" as ComicBook/TheAvengers, citing that Smith is Captain America, Jensen is Black Widow, and he's Tony Stark. Bitters disagrees and claims that if anything, Palomo is Hawkeye... movie Hawkeye, which prompts a violent response from him.* Episode 18** Doyle is "a leader, not a fighter".** Even in an episode of him being awesome, Washington still can't get a break in some areas.-->'''Wash:''' If it's not a car, its a cliff.** Simmons taunting a (black-armored) pirate.-->'''Simmons:''' ''[pops out of cover]'' Hey, suck it, Black! ''[hides again]''\\'''Pirate:''' ''[turning to look]'' What?\\'''Simmons:''' ''[popping out again]'' Just to clarify, that wasn't a race thing!** Dr Grey trying to help the Reds when they gang-tackle one of the pirates.-->'''Grey:''' Aim for the jugular!\\'''Grif:''' [offscreen fighting] Ow!\\'''Grey:''' The ''Jugular!''\\'''Grif:''' OW!\\'''Grey:''' [[SophisticatedAsHell PUNCH HIM IN THE GODDAMN THROAT!]]\\'''Grif:''' Well why didn't you just say so?** And after easily sidestepping Tucker's first sword swing, [[spoiler:Felix]] has this to say. -->'''[[spoiler:Felix]]:''' Round one, [[spoiler:Felix]]. (bowing with a mockingly wise voice and his hand holding the knife in his other hand.)\\'''Tucker:''' God you're a fucking tool.** Lopez being reduced to just a head [[RunningGag again]].-->'''Lopez:''' ¡Tienes que estar bromeando!(You've got to be fucking kidding me!)*** And then [[spoiler:he remembers that he can control the body remotely.]]* Episode 19** Sarge makes Doyle promote him to Colonel so he outranks Grif again. *** In the credits, he is listed as Col. Sarge.** Epsilon giving Carolina a hard time about her performance against the Mercs.** "From your friends, the incredibly badass and sexually attractive, Red and Blue soldiers of Project Freelancer. PS: Suck our balls."** Caboose put Freckles in his gun.** Lt Smith revealing that his middle name is Elizabeth.-->'''Smith:''' Or my name isn't John Elizabeth [[MythologyGag Ander-Smith]]!-->'''Tucker:''' Oh god, is it?!* Deleted Scenes** Sarge and the rest of Red Team decide to interrogate Zachary instead. Highlights include*** Simmons discussing his personal life. He got beat up by a girl, trying to tryout for women's wrestling.*** Donut talking about his armor and musicals. He knows all the words and lyrics by heart. *** Lopez doing celebrity impressions... of machines.*** Grif pushing his work off on Caboose, who just keeps repeating tell me your secrets.----[[/folder]][[folder: Season 13]]* Episode 1:** In a dark way, Felix casually [[spoiler:and bluntly explaining to the ship's crew that he's going to kill them and take their prisoners.]]** The Mercs let the prisoners know of the change of command of the ship.--->'''Locus:''' Quiet... As of this moment, we are the new crew of this ship.\\<beat>\\'''Random Prisoner:''' Well, who the hell are you?\\'''Felix:''' <taking the microphone while giving Locus a 'you tried' pat on the shoulder> Why don't you let the people person handle this, okay?*** And after the purge, Locus almost deadpans "Congratulations, you're hired." before dropping the mic and walking away.* Episode 2:** Mathew's has thanked Grif for what he and the rest of his friends have done for them. 56 times. He's glad Grif hasn't gotten annoyed. [[spoiler: He has.]]** Simmons's and Donut's fashion commenting on the Fed gunner's armor.*** Similarly, the Fed Gunner commenting on [[OnlySixFaces how his armor and]] {{BFG}} [[LampshadeHanging make him look distinctive]]. Even better? His distinct choice of weapon and armor make him look like he'll be an important recurring character. ''He isn't.'' While he appears a couple of times towards the end of the series, he's never given an important role or even a name.** Simmons telling the arguing soldiers that the armory is no place for violence and that if they won't calm down, he won't give them a gun.** Lopez asking that Jensen not being allowed to drive the vehicles she fixes because she drives like a cross between a young teen and an old lady.*** Who is also blind.** Polomo rendering Wash silent by giving a good reason for not doing well. With a MotorMouth. Also he's trying to make a smiley face. ** Grif's utter indifference to Wash making the others suffer for his laziness.** When Grif finally leaves the training room, the others get done with their laps. Smith is no worse for wear and actually seems a bit chipper, while the others are visibly exhausted. ** Grif interrupting an important meeting to demand extra rations. Including bigger steaks. *** And Kimball getting frustrated enough to assign him to dishwashing duty.** Doyle manages to get in some good snark at Kimball.--->'''Grif:''' HEY! We have a problem.\\<beat>\\'''Doyle:''' <Looking at Kimball> Is it tan with a blue visor?** Tucker doing a taunting victory dance in front of some captured Space Pirates to the tune of Another One Bites The Dust, with Sarge singing along behind him. Carolina tells them to stop, because they don't need to inflict cruel and unusual punishment, saying it with quite a bit of humor in her voice. Church is left confused by it all.-->'''Church''': "In all the years we spent in the canyon, when the hell did he learn to dance?"* Episode 3:** Apparently the alien towers are a regular tourist attraction to the people of Chorus... and they had funnel cake. Epsilon freaks out about how nonchalantly they treat the towers.--->'''Epsilon''': '''''IT'S A GIANT FLYING TOWER!'''''** The return of Dr Grey.--->'''Dr Grey:''' I can't tell you how nice it is to get out of the office and away from all the complaining. "My leg hurts." "I need blood." "But I don't ''want'' a robot arm."*** Then it's revealed that the robot arm is something that Sarge requested.*** Church and Carolina are [[SarcasmMode so thrilled to be having to deal with her again.]]** When Grey makes a discovery, her squeal over the radios is painful, in and out of universe. Then she gets in a struggle with somebody on her end, fighting over the microphone.** The comments about how [[SpeedSex "fast"]] Tucker is. He's very defensive about it.*** Which elicits a [[CallBack "Wait, what?"]] reaction from Epsilon.** Caboose finally returns! To go on a field trip. -->'''Caboose''' We are going to a field!** And it was Church's idea to bring Caboose along. And Tucker, the other Blue going on the 'field trip' is not grateful for it.-->'''Tucker:''' Church?\\'''Church:''' Yeah?\\'''Tucker:''' You're dead to me.** And consequently running amok of the base, including and at one point crashing a Mongoose.** Simmons taking offense to Dr. Grey saying that he's the smartest, or at least smarter than his friends.-->'''Simmons:''' Why did you need to clarify that?* Episode 4** Sarge berates Caboose for yelling at the base to when they're trying to scope it out. Then [[HypocriticalHumor yells at the base to ignore Caboose.]] --->'''Tucker:''' [[SarcasmMode "Good save, Sarge"]]** Freckles was given full control over the rifle. If Caboose pulls the trigger, it fires confetti and makes party sounds. He fires it at a rock that looked like Church. --->'''Caboose:''' Tucker did it.*** Also, how did Dr. Grey determine that giving control of the rifle to Freckles instead of Caboose was the safer of the two options?----> '''Dr. Grey:''' I gave Caboose the rifle for about five seconds. What a ''busy'' day at the hospital that turned out to be!** Dr Grey alternating between serious and manic modes.--->'''Dr. Grey:''' [Serious] This is the audio recording of Doctor Emily Grey. Number 05519. Upon arriving at the excavation site, I made several observations. One: There is a large alien structure protruding from the ground and extending into the sky. Two: [Excited] It's nice and sunny out today and I love it. End log.\\'''Tucker:''' Ladies and gentlemen, the smartest person on the entire planet.\\'''[[CloudCuckooLander Caboose:]]''' I know. It's really intimidating.** Caboose speaks Wingding.---> '''Caboose:''' It's a misunderstood language** The Lieutenants are a bit tired of running laps. So they jump Grif.--->'''Grif:''' (Sees all four lieutenants waiting for him) Um... hello?\\'''Jensen:''' [[DissonantSerenity Can't help but notice you haven't been by the training room yet.]]\\''(Grif looks around. The four lieutenants are being backed up by a mix of Federal Army and New Republic soldiers, all of whom are surrounding Grif.)''\\'''Grif:''' Is Wash still making them...?\\'''Smith:''' [[BluntYes Yep.]]\\'''Grif:''' [[OhCrap And all of them are...]]\\'''Bitters:''' [[PreAssKickingOneLiner ...Real tired of running laps.]]\\'''Grif:''' (Starts backing away) [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Yeah... I gotta go now--]]\\'''Palomo:''' (SuddenlyShouting) TAKE HIM! TAKE HIM ''NOW!!''\\''(The whole group yells battle cries as they charge at Grif and start pummeling him off-screen.)''** Caboose starts doing the signature [=RvB=] catchphrase, but spaces out before he can finish.*** What follows is him thinking he's seen Church - so his first impulse is to try and shoot him.----> '''Caboose:''' Sorry, kinda spaced out- [[SuddenlyShouting IS THAT CHURCH?!]] [[BrickJoke *Freckles makes party noise and confetti flies out*]] Nope. Rock.** Sarge explaining the proper etiquette of responding to a booming alien voice to Tucker, using PunctuatedPounding.--->'''Sarge''': WHEN THE VOICE! ''(punch)'' OF ALIEN! ''(punch)'' JESUS! ''(punch)'' CALLS DOWN TO YOU! ''(punch)'' YOU DO '''NOT''' RESPOND WITH '''"WHAT'S UP"'''!** Donut was playing around with a [[spoiler: supposedly]] broken plasma rifle, when Simmons comes to berate him for being a bad influence on the kids.---> '''Simmons:''' Oh wait, Caboose went with Sarge, go nuts.** Tucker and Donut playing with their weapons, prompting their allies on either side to think aloud that the other group probably didn't have to put up with this kind of behavior. * Episode 5** Felix dealing with the revelation that the Insurectionist Flame guy actually calls himself "Sharkface".-->'''Felix:''' Pfftt, Sharkface, Locus[[note]]who is standing right there; the name comes from his code name "Locus" suit[[/note]], whatever happened to normal fucking names. [[RhetoricalQuestionBlunder I mean, am I crazy?]]\\'''The Counselor:''' Well...\\'''Felix:''' Don't psychoanalyze me! ** Even before that is Felix's initial assertion after finding out the Insurrectionist Flame guys name:-->'''The Counselor:''' He calls himself Sharkface.\\'''Felix:''' [[LampshadeHanging What is he, a Batman villain?]]** Tucker carries a physical picture of Junior with his 5th grade basketball team.[[note]]The human kids in the picture all have RT employee faces.[[/note]]-->'''Doyle:''' Well that's the last thing I expected to see today... Or ever.\\'''Tucker:''' Yeah I know? [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Who carries around actual photographs anymore?]]** After spending the last few episodes telling Sarge [[ProfessionalButtKisser how much he wished]] [[TemptingFate he could see his fearless leader in action out in the battlefield]], Simmons gets his wish:-->'''Donut:''' Well if you really want to go Lopez and I can look after the armory.\\'''Sarge:''' Excellent suggestion, Donut. Simmons, looks like you get to see your fearless Colonel on the battlefield after all.\\'''Simmons:''' [[FlatJoy Yay...]]\\'''Grif [to Donut]:''' I'm going to kill you in your sleep. ** Grif laments losing yet another alien weapon.** One of the soldiers goes to the armory while Donut's on break. Nobody's there, yet the 'open' sign is out, but he'll give them two more hours.*** It gets better. That soldier is ''Ander-Smith''. Seems Caboose really is influencing him.* Episode 6** Wash's reaction to seeing [[DrivesLikeCrazy Jensen]] [[ThisIsGonnaSuck driving by]].*** Quickly justified in that there is an immediate and literal pileup with her and her Warthog on top. Simmons is utterly baffled how she was able to do that much damage that quickly while only driving at a slow speed. But don't worry, Palomo came out unharmed. At least until Bitters crashed his Warthog into him.-->'''Bitters:''' This where we parkin' the cars?** Back when he first showed up, Church told Caboose that the gas cans in the Warthogs had lemonade… And Caboose has been treating them as such since. This includes just before blowing out his birthday candles.** After Epsilon tries to get Carolina to loosen up a bit, she responds to one of Tucker's statements with "Bow chicka wah what? Isnt that the joke?" Epsilon tells her to maybe tighten back up slightly, and Tucker is horrified.--->'''Tucker:''' Did she just say my thing?\\'''Caboose:''' Um, no? Uh, Tucker, that's [[CallBack "hey chicka bum bum"]]. Awkward.\\'''Carolina:''' ''[To Epsilon]'' You said to loosen up!\\'''Epsilon:''' That's a little too loose. Just tighten that back up a little bit.\\'''Tucker:''' I feel violated!*** What makes the scene funnier is that Carolina is genuinely confused about what she's doing wrong.* Episode 7** Felix's usual direct manner of testing what the portal does. By kicking in a random soldier.--->'''Felix:''' Guess we'll find out.** When the 'volunteer' returns, talking about facing his past:--->'''Felix:''' Oh man, if we're gonna meet every person we've wronged or some bullshit, it's gonna take forever.\\'''Locus:''' Quiet.\\'''Felix:''' Seriously dude, I'm talking ''weeks''!** Felix's opinion of himself:--->'''Felix:''' Oh, bullshit! I know what this is about! Why do you know I'm not the true warrior.\\'''Locus:''' Because you're you.\\'''Felix:''' Yeah, and being me is awesome!** Felix managing to verbally trip up Locus.--->'''Felix:''' Just don't cry to me when you lose.\\'''Locus:''' I won't. [Awkward Pause] Lose. I won't lose.\\'''Felix:''' Too late, fucked it up.* Episode 8** Wash acting so [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness Out of Character]] that the Reds take notice and are creeped out. It's hinted that he thinks that they're all going to die, which Grif calls him out on.--->'''Grif:''' You think we're going to fucking die!\\'''Wash:''' No I don't!\\'''Grif:''' No you do! You definitely do! You're getting all sentimental and shit!\\'''Wash:''' [[BlatantLies Nooo, guys. Come on! You'll be fine.]] I've got total faith in you. You're some of the best soldiers I ever knew.\\'''Simmons:''' WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT PAST-TENSE BULLSHIT?!?** Tucker's "attempt" on the true warrior test. He goes in and gets sent back out immediately. ** [[spoiler:The AI finds his true warrior in Caboose...whom he realizes is too stupid to get what he's talking about.]]** Caboose [[spoiler:names the alien AI Santa. Everybody is dumbfound...except for that AI.]]*** The icing on the cake? The music stops shortly after this particular revelation, as if to ask, "Wait, what?"** Dr. Grey says the UNSC had ample time to study the ruins and gave up, whereas they've only been there a few minutes. Cut to some UNSC equipment that was left behind with a label marked "Fuck You!"* Episode 9** Kimball's caravan is brought to a screeching halt when she hears that the away team "apparently found Santa."** Among the various devices left behind by the aliens on the planet is the Temple of [[spoiler:Procreation]] which was designed to "throw the inhabitants of Chorus into a [[spoiler:rabid sexual frenzy with the intent to increase a potentially dwindling population.]]"** There's also the towers of weather control, gravity control, arms, communication, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and interior decorating.]] ** His name is [[InsistentTerminology Santa]], thank you very much.--->'''Church''': I refuse to call you that.* Episode 10:** During the fight at Site Alpha, one of the Fed soldiers is wounded...and, much to the exasperation of the New Republic medic treating him, his grasp of anatomical positioning is a little loose:---> '''Fed Soldier:''' Oh, god! They shot me right in the lap!\\'''Republic Medic:''' ...So, like...the upper thigh...?*** Then, when told that he was also hit in the tummy, the medic just says it's going to be a long day.*** All made even funnier when you realize they are being played by the ''WebVideo/GameGrumps''.** Sarge is ecstatic about fighting the overwhelming odds. Grif and Simmons [[ThisIsGonnaSuck decidedly less so.]] Sarge's plan for breaking through their offensive--a slow-motion charge--doesn't improve their optimism.--->'''Simmons:''' Love the enthusiasm, it's great sir, really, but do you think we could try something that ''won't'' get my head blown off?\\'''Sarge:''' You could always switch seats with Grif.\\'''Simmons:''' Done!\\'''Grif:''' Screw this, we're regrouping with Wash!*** It gets better when Sarge goes to Kimball and Wash. They don't get how he can just ''make'' something slow motion either.** The space pirates, headed by Felix and Sharkface, reach the temple where Chorus' sword-key is being kept...but someone already beat them to it! But who do we have to thank for [[SpannerInTheWorks throwing a spanner into their plan to kill everybody on the planet?]]--->'''[[spoiler: General Doyle:]]''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Oh lord.]] Of all the people on this planet, why am ''[[LovableCoward I]]'' the only one down here with this bloody thing?!** Guess who's back? [[spoiler: Doc, the medic]]! Only, the Reds and Blues barely remember that he vanished in the ''first'' place. He...doesn't take it well when he realizes this.--->'''[[spoiler: Doc]]:''' [[spoiler: (Lapsing into his O'Malley persona)]] You incompetent fools! You will all taste OBLIVION!!** Felix being a prick to Sharkface.--->'''Sharkface:''' This is it.\\'''Felix:''' [[SarcasmMode Oh, good! You know, I really wasn't sure until you said that! Why don't you put those AMAZING powers of observation to use and stand guard! Okay? Okay.]] \\'''[[{{Beat}} Felix walks away.]]'''\\'''Sharkface (to random Space Pirate):''' Is he always like that?\\'''Space Pirate:''' You just kind of learn to tune it out.* Episode 11** One of the Feds seeing the irony of an "over my dead body" incident.** Grey is delighted to have this chance to work with such an 'interesting' set of personalities.** Sarge gets his slow motion 'Dirtbag'.*** And as he drives away:--->'''Sarge''': Life finds a way!** The sheer fact that part of Washington's plan against Locus involved [[spoiler:the old hat-on-a-stick technique.]]** [[CallBack "What the fuck is with this guy?!"]]* Episode 12** Epsilon 'sitting' on the the chest of the unconcious Carolina.--->'''Epsilon:''' She is gonna be so pissed off when she wakes up.** Locus picking Felix up.---> '''Felix:''' And you say I talk too much.\\'''Locus:''' You do.** Doyle's moping and finally leaves to go sulk in his room.** Even better is when he tells them to find him if they need him.--->'''Simmons:''' Actually you never actually told us where your room is.\\'''Doyle:''' Well then I'm a failure at leaving, too.** Sarge still points his shotgun at Caboose. * Episode 13:** [[spoiler: The returned Doc]] lapsing into [[spoiler: his O'Malley persona]] after having it confirmed that yes, [[spoiler: no one quite realized that he disappeared.]]** Dr. Grey taking the presence of [[spoiler: Doc's omnicidal split personality]] in absolute stride.--->'''Dr. Grey:''' This is easily the most ''vocal'' [[spoiler: split personality]] I've ever seen....nothing a little electroshock therapy couldn't fix!\\'''[[spoiler: Doc/O'Malley]]:''' [[EvilLaugh Ah-ha ha ha]]--[[OhCrap I beg your pardon?]]\\'''Dr. Grey:''' (Raising an electrode) After ''you,'' handsome.*** Cue Dr. Grey chasing [[spoiler: the hapless Doc]] across the base.---->'''Dr. Grey:''' [[StalkerWithACrush Running only makes me want you more!]]** The Red and Blues try to ease tensions between the Feds and the New Republic. It...doesn't go well.*** Grif's follow-up plan is to invite Doyle and Kimball to the same restaurant, telling them that the other wanted to apologize to them. When Simmons points out that this is essentially the same plot idea used in old sitcoms, Grif shows that he's inherited some of Sarge's InsaneTrollLogic and capacity for BatDeduction:---->'''Grif:''' One of those old sitcoms was called "Friends," and that's what we want [Doyle and Kimball] to be!** Church/Epsilon comparing his inability to run multiple Freelancer gadgets [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything to another set of "performance issues".]]** Felix discovering how he's ended up with a MeaninglessVillainVictory--yes, he [[spoiler: intimidated General Doyle into surrendering the key,]] but since [[spoiler: said key is still bonded to ''Doyle,'' Felix can't use it!]] And Shark-Face proving completely dry-witted in the face of Felix's borderline VillainousBreakdown, provoking him further, [[OnlySaneMan thus leaving it to]] ''[[TheDreaded Locus]]'' to keep them from killing each other.--->'''Felix:''' (banging the [[spoiler: sword-key]] against a table) [[PunctuatedForEmphasis "I! AM EXTREMELY! FRUSTRATED!"]]** Part of his angry rant against Sharkface includes calling him "Fishstick."** Adding more humor to the moment is that right before the aforementioned scene, Epsilon is sarcastically hoping that the mercenaries are just as frustrated as the rest of the BGC are. Guess he got his wish.* Episode 14** Doc's counseling derails quickly. Let's list the highlights.--->'''Agent Washington''' (Turning to Kimball and Doyle as Doc starts up): I'm so sorry.*** Grif and Doc roleplay as each other. O'Malley takes over and gives a really harsh TheReasonYouSuckSpeech towards Grif.---> '''Grif:''' ''(unenthusiastically)'' Um, hey! Look at me, I'm Doc.---> '''Doc:''' ''(entering the O'Malley persona)'' And I'm Dexter Grif, reporting for duty! Oh, wait, never mind! I forgot that I'm a worthless sack of human excrement [[LazyBum that wouldn't be caught]] ''[[LazyBum dead]]'' [[LazyBum following orders]], because I'm too busy wishing [[TheUnfavourite my parents loved me as much as my sister!]] ''(Evil laugh)'' Maybe if I [[DaddyIssues had a stable father figure growing up]], [[FreudianExcuse I wouldn't be so opposed to order]]! But I guess that's just what happens when [[YourMom your mother]] turns tricks behind the elephant cage at the ''circus!'' ''(Evil laugh)'' Here Dex, have some more ''cotton candy!'' ''([[RuleOfThree Evil laugh]])''---> '''{{Beat}} (Everyone turns to stare at Grif.)'''---> '''Grif:''' ''(Voice breaking)'' It was a nice circus...---> '''Doc:''' ''(Returning to normal, apologetic)'' Oh, gosh. Sorry about that... Maybe we should try something else?---> '''Sarge:''' (Taking in Grif's despondent reaction) I dunno; I think we're making progress!*** Caboose and Tucker go up to talk about their feelings. --->'''Caboose:''' Tucker, when you call me names like stupid, and really stupid, it makes me feel sad.--->'''Tucker:''' Caboose, when you volunteered us to demonstrate speaking our feelings, it made me feel like hitting you in the God damn mouth. --->'''Caboose:''' Yes. Well, now I feel sadder.*** When Doc suggests role-playing, Donut calls being the cop, eliciting a FlatWhat response from Simmons. * Episode 15** When the pirates start closing in on their position, the BGC "hide." Grif makes [[CallBack a snowman to hide in.]] And Caboose just stands out in the open, facing away from the door.-->'''Simmons''' Dammit! We suck at hiding.** Sarge doing a supply check:-->'''Sarge''': Ammo!\\'''Simmons''': Check!\\'''Sarge''': Machine gun!\\'''Caboose''': Check!\\'''Sarge''': Rocket launcher! ({{Beat}}) Rocket launcher...?\\'''[[spoiler: Doc/O'Malley]]''': (Steps into frame, loading a rocket launcher) Oh, you better goddamn believe it. [[EvilLaugh Muhehehehehe]]...\\'''Tucker''': (regarding [[spoiler: Doc/O'Malley]]) I am NOT sitting next to him on the plane.** When the time comes to take off, Grif can't get the Pelican started. It seems like something's stuck in the engines. Grif laments that Lopez isn't around to find the problem...--->'''Grif:''' ...Wait a minute. Where ''is'' Lopez?--->'''Simmons:''' (Over the radio) The last I saw him, he was in the vehicle bay making repairs!--->''(Cue pounding noises coming from the engine, with the muffled voice of Lopez cursing in Spanish)''--->'''Grif:''' [[OhCrap Oh, shit.]]--->'''Lopez:''' [[GratuitousSpanish Estaba limpiando el motor, vete a la mierda!!]]--->'''Translation:''' I WAS CLEANING THE ENGINE, YOU FUCK!!* Episode 16:** Unable to break into the motor pool where the Reds and Blues are [[HoldTheLine holding them off until the Pelican can get airborne]], the space pirates [[MistakenForBadass assume that they're dealing with the best soldiers that Chorus' inhabitants can throw at them]]. In truth, they're being held off by such characters as a CloudCuckoolander with an auto-targeting assault rifle, a TechnicalPacifist with an AxCrazy SplitPersonality wielding a rocket launcher, and a DrillSergeantNasty with a penchant for InsaneTrollLogic carrying a [[GatlingGood mounted turret]].** Simmons manages to extricate Lopez's parts from the Pelican's engine--which Lopez celebrates by using his remotely-controlled headless body to try and strangle Grif, who got him mangled by the engine in the first place!** When Doyle reaches the reactor controls, the text crawl on the main terminal reads as follows:--> '''Reactor Terminal:'' Do not touch. (beat) Seriously. Don't. (beat) DANGEROUS.** Doyle wanting to quote Shakespeare as part of [[spoiler: his HeroicSacrifice]], but sheepishly admitting that the quote he had in mind didn't actually come from the Bard.** As of this episode, [[spoiler: Doyle]], of ''all'' people, has the ''[[https://youtu.be/Mme3pQFy3Gg?t=33m48s highest kill count of the series.]]''** While simultaneously [[MomentofAwesome awesome]], [[NightmareFuel terrifying]], and [[TearJerker saddening]], [[spoiler: Sharkface's]] death is also darkly amusing.--> '''[[spoiler: Sharkface:]]''' ...As long as I'm alive, you're all as good as DEAD!--> '' Wash and Kimball shrug, and [[WhyDontYaJustShootHim gun him down]].''* Episode 17:** While mostly a mixture of TearJerker, NightmareFuel, and simultaneous [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming Crowning Moments of Heartwarming]] [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome and Awesome]], there is one funny part near the beginning of Kimball's speech:--> '''Kimball:''' Excuse me, if I could have your attention please. I know many of you probably don't care for what I have to say, but it's something that needs to be said.--> '''Wash:''' Think she can do this?--> '''Tucker:''' [[TemptingFate Hell yeah! Kimball's a great speaker!]]--> '''Kimball:''' I never believed this truce would last.--> '''Tucker:''' [[OhCrap Ohh-ho-hoh God, we're screwed!]]** Also, Church and Carolina compare attacking the comm facility guarded by Charon Industries' elite guard to a round of "Capture the Flag." This does little to encourage the Blood Gulch Crew:--> '''Grif:''' You ''know'' we're terrible at Capture the Flag, right?--> '''Simmons:''' So, ''assuming'' all of this plays out the way we ''hope'' it will, we ''still'' need to [[StormingTheCastle take over a heavily-fortified alien tower]]. [[RagtagBunchOfMisfits Anybody else]] [[ThisIsGonnaSuck seeing a problem here?]]--> '''Sarge:''' We emptied the armory as best we could, but we're ''still'' not exactly armed to the teeth.--> '''[[spoiler: Doc:]]''' It's also worth mentioning that half of our army ''still'' hates the other half of our army.** Felix, meanwhile, has as much fun as Tucker when it comes to [[spoiler: activating his Energy Sword]].* Episode 18:** Wash still doesn't like traveling by grappling hook.** Wash and Felix's [[BossBanter Boss Banter]] has quite a few gems.--> ''(Wash catches all of Felix's knives.)''--> '''Felix:''' [[OhCrap Huh?]]--> '''Wash''' You think you're the only one who's good with knives?--> ''(Felix draws his sword.)''--> '''Wash''' [[DidntThinkThisThrough Oh. Right.]]--> ''(Carolina snags Felix with her grapple gun. Felix grabs on to Wash, [[TakingYouWithMe dragging him off the platform with him]])''--> '''Wash''': ''(dangling above the pit)'' OHHHHHHH MY GOD!--> '''Felix''': You drop me, you drop us both!--> '''Wash''': ''(waving his hands frantically)'' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis DO! NOT! DROP HIM!]]** [[spoiler:Aiden Price's]] attempt to FaceDeathWithDignity is arguably ruined by his [[PrecisionFStrike last few words.]]--> [[spoiler: '''Price''']]: [[CallBack Oh, son of a bitch...]] ** Felix continues to be very immature.--> '''Felix:''' I'm not tired, [[NoYou YOU'RE TIRED.]]** Earlier, when he and Locus got on the platform, he was flipping off Wash and Carolina.* Episode 19:** Matthews saves the Fed heavy-gunner by ramming a Charon assassin with a Ghost hover-cycle--and then goes roaring off into the distance, yelping in helpless alarm. Seeing this, Simmons has this to say:-->'''Simmons:''' Yeah...maybe giving alien vehicles to human drivers ''wasn't'' such a good idea.-->'''Doc:''' (Roaring past on his own Ghost, firing the plasma cannons in full O'Malley persona) Speak for yourself! Mua-ha ha ha ha ha!** After being teleported and setting up the broadcast for the message, they discover that Felix isn't as dead as they thought.-->'''Simmons:''' ''*increasingly hysterical*'' I thought you said they were ''dead''!\\'''Epsilon:''' ''*actually hysterical*'' We dropped a fucking spaceship on them, ''it was kind of assumed!''** Felix's fight with the Blood Gulch Crew combines awesome with hilarity:*** Felix runs to escape the Reds and Blues' ambush, only to be clotheslined by O'Malley, who taunts him before pointing a rocket launcher at him. Felix can only [[ThisIsGonnaSuck whimper]] right before he's shot in the face.---> '''Doc/O'Malley:''' (Clotheslines Felix with the Rocket Launcher) Oh, please. I'm the ''original'' bad boy. [[EvilLaugh Muhehehe...]]\\'''Felix:''' (Whimpers)*** Felix gets ahold of Caboose's rifle--which, in addition to [[CallBack being modified with auto-targeting, also shoots confetti whenever Caboose has the potential to team-kill someone]]--and tries to execute Caboose with it. Guess what happens. [[ForegoneConclusion Go on, guess.]] [[spoiler: Freckles not only fires confetti into Caboose's face, but smacks Felix in the face by shooting itself.]]--->'''Felix''': [[VillainousBreakdown What is WRONG with you people?!]]*** Really, [[FalseFriend after]] ''[[MoralEventHorizon everything]]'' [[CardCarryingVillain Felix]] [[SmugSnake has]] [[ManipulativeBastard done]], him receiving a CurbStompBattle and HumiliationConga from the same people he called losers is nothing short of therapeutic and gut-bustingly hilarious.** When Felix [[spoiler: throws his Great Key at Tucker, [[HeelFaceTurn Locus]] and Caboose, the former two dive out of the way. Caboose, meanwhile, opts to just topple backwards instead.]]** Guess who's seen during [[spoiler: Church's galaxy-wide transmission? [[TheBusCameBack Sister!]] And she's just as much of a perky LovableSexManiac as ever, if her [[ExtremeOmnisexual remarks about the last time she saw Lopez]] [[EroticAsphyxiation are anything to go by.]] And of course, she identifies him as the [[BrickJoke "grey guy"]]]]* Episode 20:** The entire Blood Gulch Crew trying to pack themselves into a single aircraft, complete with some of them literally hanging out the sides.--->[[RunningGag Shotgun!]]** Freckles being jealous of Caboose's reaction to seeing F.I.L.S.S.** Sarge nonchalantly stepping on the remnants of Hargrove's coffee mug after Lopez and Donut tip over the desk and use it to barricade the door.--->'''Sarge:''' Oops.** Caboose exclaiming in horror at seeing Hargrove on the monitor.--->'''Caboose:''' He's so bald![[/folder]][[folder:Season 14]]* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmMj-JTYSGI teaser trailer]] which sees a Freelancer Pelican slam through a supposedly metaphorical window in space and [[LampshadeHanging everyone questions what the hell a window was doing in space]].-->'''Carolina''': What the ''hell'' was ''that''?!-->'''North''': I think it was a window?-->'''Wyoming''': [[RunningGag Knock Knock!]]-->'''South''': He said 'window', not 'door'.-->'''York''': A window? Just, on its own? I mean, not attached to anything?-->'''Niner''': ''[[LampshadeHanging What the hell's a window doing in the middle of space?!]]''-->'''Wash''': '''''I DON'T KNOW!!! JUST KEEP FLYING!!!'''''--> (Two Longswords blast past the screen while [[MoreDakka firing]]) ** Among the people contributing to this? Actual Canadian Barbara Dunkleman!** Shortly after a staff roll, the Blood Gulch Crew's Pelican bumps into the logo, to Sarge's confusion.--->'''Sarge''': What the heck was ''that''?!--->'''Caboose''': I think it was a [[BreakingTheFourthWall logo]].* Episode One "Room Zero" ends with one Church arguing with another in the Epsilon unit over how to find Tex. One Church gets so fed up that he slugs his double, hurting both of them. And then the punchline;-->'''Church 1:''' What if we killed Caboose?\\'''Church 2:''' What would that do?\\'''Church 1:''' Make me feel a lot better.\\'''Church 2:''' Huh. Good point.* Episode two has Grif, Simmons, and a guy called [[MauveShirt Hammer]] needing remedial training and being sent to Timberland on a recon mission. HilarityEnsues.** Hammer is one giant communist joke.-->'''Grif:''' Every time you go against democracy, an eagle dies!** The bomb that kills Hammer has "REDS SUCK" written on it.** Unbeknownst to, and unfortunately for Grif and Simmons, the mission was actually a success. What they think was a failure and a lie has escalated into the two of them graduating from training and being sent out to the [[spoiler:simulation]] war.-->'''Grif:''' Is it too late to tell you that we didn't actually do anything and Hammer died a foolish death?* Episode 3 showed the process in which Sarge was chosen for Blood Gulch. There were an entire squad of them, all with the same kind of mindset as Sarge, [[spoiler:much to Florida's glee.]]** Sarge got [[HisNameReallyIsBarkeep his name]] by taking "dress for the job you want" to it's [[InsaneTrollLogic illogical conclusion.]]** The potential Sergeants are so alike that they start speaking in unison.** When asked to guide Buckshot through defusing a live bomb, Sarge asks for a flamethrower, which he then uses to burn the instructions for how to defuse it. [[InsaneTrollLogic Because using the instructions would have been cheating.]] Needless to say, Buckshot does not survive the exercise.*** Through some insane coincidence, the flamethrower was decorated Sharkface style.** One of [[spoiler: Flowers's]] potential recruits answers every question by talking about how great a listener he is. [[EpicFail He completely forgets what they were talking about.]] [[spoiler: Really says alot about Tucker...]]** When [[spoiler: Flowers]] returns from interviewing the Blues to check on the Reds, he is stunned to see all but two (Sarge and Daggerknife) dead. Apparently Sarge assumed that the rubber bullets that Lemons had given them were an error, so they all swapped them for live rounds.** Lemons has no idea who to give the post to, since the survivors are both equally incompetent. Sarge and Daggerknife decide that it's up to them to choose. Daggerknife decides to prove that he's the best man for the job by [[TooDumbToLive shooting himself in the head]]. Sarge agrees that this makes him the perfect candidate.* Episode 4: The entire episode might as well be titled TemptingFate.** [[CallBack We learn the true story of Private Jimmy.]] It's a combination of NightmareFuel and BlackComedy:--> '''[[spoiler: Flowers]]:''' [[spoiler: [[DissonantSerenity Prepare him for A.I. implantation]].]]--> '''Jimmy:''' Wait, wha--AAAH! WHAT'RE YOU DOING TO MY SKULL?! AAAHH!! THIS DOESN'T SEEM PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE!!!** "[[TemptingFate Nothing short of an aspirin overdose will stop this plan from succeeding!]]"*** Flowers forgot to account for one other variable--''himself.'' Tripping over a power cable caused [[spoiler: Vic to short-circuit, turning him into the erratic and rambling idiot of the Blood Gulch Chronicles.]]--->'''Vic:''' Agent Florida-da-DA-dA-Da-DA-DA-DA--DUDE!*** Not to mention that [[spoiler: said short-circuit replaced the roster of replacements--instead of Freelancer agents, the list included future characters such as Caboose, Donut, and Sister!]]** [[ActorAllusion Simmons is inexplicably sensitive about the Vegas Quadrant.]]** Flowers theorizes that the Blood Gulch "conflict" will be at such a stalemate that it'll last for [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall fourteen seasons]].-->'''Flowers''': I prefer to think of the passage of time in terms of the four seasons as opposed to the standard Gregorian calendar.** The utterly bizarre feeling that comes after Sarge says this. It's like something out of a twisted MirrorUniverse episode.--->'''Sarge:''' Thank you, Private Grif, for reporting this incident! You sure are a fine soldier. I think you and I are gonna get along just fine.*** This is actually a reference to the inconsistency of the first episode of Red vs Blue, where Grif and Simmons' relationship with Sarge were swapped.** Church and Tucker meet for the first time:-->'''Tucker:''' Sup, are you a chick?\\'''Church:''' No.\\'''Tucker:''' Bummer.\\'''Church:''' Yeah, I don't like you.* Episode 5 is basically Film/TheLegoMovie but with Red vs Blue.** Answering the classic question.-->'''Grif''': [[ArcWords You ever wonder why we're here?]]-->'''Simmons''': I actually have a theory about that! You see, it's all about connections. I'm connected to the ground, the ground is connected to you, you're connected to Blue Base. It's like we're all one thing.--> {{Beat}}-->'''Grif''': [[LampshadeHanging I can't decide if that's deep or just literal.]]-->'''Simmons''': Both?** Simmons asks Caboose to bring them something valuable and important. Caboose brings them Church. The sight of Caboose holding his "best friend" in his arms is both funny and heartwarming.*** Even funnier is how the two actually consider bringing Church to Sarge as a prisoner.** The kid in this one? [[spoiler:It's a young Malcom Hargrove!]] Guess his evil ways had some very early roots.*** And his mother is played by Jen Brown. Even in an alternate universe, Carolina saves the BGC in some way.** The [[RunningGag running gag]] of Simmons thinking that all potential threats have [[LivingMotionDetector sight based on movement.]]--> '''Grif''': You say that about everything and it's NEVER been true!** Grif and the giant slice of pizza.--->'''Grif''': It was worth it...*** When they return to their sets:---->'''Grif''': [[DrivenToSuicide Kill me...]]** The lampshading of Donut somehow coming back less than three minutes after being killed.** Tucker tries throwing a firecracker at [[spoiler:Malcolm]]. [[AntiClimax It has the effect you'd expect.]] [[spoiler: Well, it ''does'' get him grounded, so it's something.]]** At the end of the episode, Caboose brings Sarge a cake to wish him a happy birthday. Too bad the [[spoiler: candle he uses is a firecracker.]]* Episode 6** Sue, bragging about how cool he looks, accentuates the point by flexing and turning around to show off his ass.** Cherry assures the Creator/{{Funhaus}} Reds that her old alien programming is gone, and that she's happy to serve "feeble human scum."** How did the Funhaus Reds defeat their rival blue team? They didn't. [[SpaceshipGirl Cherry]] did.-->"Was it our plan to have a giant spaceship crash down on the blue base? No. But did we capitalize on that moment like some badass Red soldiers entrenched in a seemingly never-ending battle with our cerulean enemy? HELL YEAH!"** What was the designation of this enemy team that was so unceremoniously KilledOffscreen? [[Creator/AchievementHunter AH13]].** A RunningGag is established of [[ButtMonkey Captain Morgan]] being mocked for sharing a name with a brand of rum.** Another RunningGag of Santos complaining about the ship not having a wine-bar.* Episode 7** When Turf's Red Team goes to scope out Blood Gulch, since it's set in Season One, there's much LeaningOnTheFourthWall with the difference in graphics.** Turf's plan to wipe out the Blood Gulch Blues? The same way that FH57's Blue enemies were killed: [[SuicideAttack crashing Cherry into their base]]. Needless to say, the other soldiers are less than enthusiastic about this....-->'''Morgan:''' Er, Colonel, don't you think you're being a bit rash?-->'''Turf:''' Do you think they called UsefulNotes/GeorgeWashington rash?!-->'''Drag:''' [[AnalogyBackfire George Washington didn't try to crash a spaceship into a base hidden in a box canyon full of blue-armored space-marines]]!-->'''Turf:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Heh, sounds like I got one up on Washington himself]]! Sink your wooden teeth into that, George!** Turf continues proving himself to be the "Sarge" of [=FH57=] by coming up with completely grandiose and impractical plans to distract and/or kill the Blues. When Morgan convinces him to scout out Blood Gulch instead of engaging in the SuicideAttack mentioned above, Turf still wants to draw the Blues away from [[TankGoodness Sheila]] by [[NoKillLikeOverkill blowing up a whole mountain with tons of C4]]-- which is not only unnecessary, but impossible, seeing as how the scouting team didn't even ''bring'' C4.** Santos discovers that Peake actually found the aliens that own the spaceship in the cargo hold, but has been covertly taking care of them due to having been ignored every time he tried to tell the others. What's the first thought that comes into his head? Using them to take over the ship...so that he can finally have that wine-bar he's always wanted.** [=FH57's=] away team running into Caboose, who was summoned by Sue's "desert dance". Of course, Caboose finds the sudden appearance of graphically superior Red soldiers plotting to kill him and his team on the cliffs to be simply "[[UnusuallyUninterestingSight weird]]."** Sue proves to be the "Donut" of the [=FH57=] simply through his interactions with Caboose;-->'''Sue:''' So, it's really, really important that no one knows we're here. Otherwise, we can't kill all of your friends!\\'''Caboose:''' Ah, yeah. That makes sense.\\'''Turf:''' …''(Sighs, cocks gun)'' Imma shoot 'em both!* Episode 8 is a faux-trailer for a live-action movie staring Sarge called ''Sarge V Tucker: Origin of Sin''[[spoiler: …Which turns out to be a preview for a movie the Blood Gulch Crew is about to watch.]]-->'''Sarge:''' They…''butchered'' my movie! […] It was supposed to be a tone piece about the nature of war! And that [=McConaughey=] guy is a total miscast for me! The guy has no shoulders!\\'''Washington:''' Seriously? That whole thing looked right up your alley!\\'''Sarge:''' Cleary, you don't understand my refined tastes, Agent Washington!* The Mercs Trilogy: Up front, Felix's hysterics and dramatics are back so the laughs are pretty much preprogrammed.** Episode 9 - Club: This episode proves why we like Locus and Felix.*** "Blonde, bisexual, bridesmaid... That is the '''unicorn''' of club girls."*** The duo's preparations are interrupted by a club goer wanting to use the bathroom. Their response is to drag him into the bathroom and leave him unconscious inside one of the stalls.*** The subtitles for part of the fight describe the sounds as "[[UnsoundEffect Blunt force trauma]]".*** Locus tosses a stun grenade at two shooters at the same time Felix comes around the corner to shoot them. As a result, Felix takes the gas and is ''[[ClusterFBomb pissed]]''. *** Immediately after that, one of the men they're fighting calls out about how they're dead meat while Felix and Locus are taking cover behind an overturned desk. Without even looking around it, Felix nonchalantly [[OffhandBackhand shoots the guy twice around the corner]].*** Then they argue over the aforementioned gas incident--->'''Felix:''' You said coms were useless! \\'''Locus:''' I meant down stairs! \\'''Felix:''' ''[[ExactWords Useless!]]'' \\'''Locus:''' (''Throws an unconscious Gabriel down'') [[WhatAnIdiot THAT doesn't mean remove your earpiece!]] \\'''Felix:''' Well, i'm sorry I couldn't read that broken fucking brain of yours, and suddenly know that you actually meant the opposite OF WHAT YOU FUCKING SAID!*** You ''really'' got to appreciate [[HilariousInHindsight the]] [[DramaticIrony irony]] in hearing '''''Felix''''' refer to himself and Locus as "the good guys".*** Siris lecturing Locus and Felix for not using their comms leads him to admit that he expects this recklessness from Felix, but not from Locus. You KNOW that comment annoyed Felix.** Episode 10*** As the trio are driving along, Gabriel wakes up and starts yelling and banging on the inside of the car trunk. Felix's reaction? Casually turn on the radio loud enough to drown out Gabriel.*** Felix getting voice mails before finally reaching Ruben Lazano.--->'''Felix:''' ''MOTHERFUCKER!!''\\'''Siris:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Maybe he's not home.]]\\'''Felix:''' [[SarcasmMode Very funny]]*** What happened to the girl that Gabriel snagged at the begining of the story? How did daddy know so much about Felix and Locus? She was under Gabriel's desk when it all went down, with it ''heavily'' implied that she wasn't there hiding from the mercs, but entertaining.--->'''Felix:''' Under your... Oh. [[SarcasmMode Oh oh that is perfect! Classy too!]]\\'''Locus:''' (''Closes his eyes in [[AlternativeCharacterInterpretation possible]] disgust'')** Episode 11*** After giving Felix a gun, Locus preemptively chews him out for [[HowDareYouDieOnMe using it to]] [[DrivenToSuicide kill himself]]:---->'''Locus''': We have enough firepower. We also have the cliff to our backs, and a full understanding of the terrain. We have survived worse. ''But if you waste a single one of our rounds on yourself, I will be very unhappy.''*** Felix, wounded in one leg and literally leaning on Locus for support, sees one of the mob soldiers and throws his knife at him. The butt end of the knife hits, instead of the blade. But, it was enough to get a RailingKill. "That works." Locus giving him a "Are you serious?" look and Felix smiling gleefully back was the icing on the cake.*** After [[spoiler:saving Siris from being killed by Ruben]], all Felix can say is a matter-of-fact "What a douche.".*** Siris nonchalantly remarking that [[spoiler:it would've been smarter to turn Ruben in for the reward money instead of killing him]].* Episode 12** The entire opening to the episode. The document about Doc's recruitment is a standout, if you can read behind the black markup.** The promotional video is very clearly the same for the Red and Blue armies, with the color of the team said in a completely different tone indicating it was essentially copy-pasted in.** Whoever was making the video clearly wasn't expecting the Red and Blue teams to be [[GoneHorriblyRight even more incompetent than advertised]], [[FriendlyEnemy and on good terms with each other]].** Grif and Simmons being caught looking at porn.** Sarge still refuses to believe that Grif is a Sargeant, going so far as to blast Simmons when he keeps mockingly talking about Grif's rank.--->'''Grif''': (aiming his rocket launcher at Sarge) [[PunctuatedForEmphasis For the last. Time. We. Are. The. Same. Rank!]]* In the teaser trailer for an upcoming episode in the ''WebVideo/DeathBattle'' episode "[[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} Mewtwo]] vs. [[Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog Shadow the Hedgehog]], Grif brings back the "Ever wonder..?" question by asking if Simmons wondered who'd win between Agent Carolina and the Meta. Simmons scoffs at that, replying that "only nerds on the Internet would ask that!"** "Oh, [[SarcasmMode I didn't realize]] ''scariness'' was the deciding factor in a fight to the ''fucking death''!"** In the episode proper, Boomstick uses Grif to showcase the gear used by the combatants. Poor Grif.*** Which ties into the ending: [[spoiler:Sarge realizes that Boomstick might be his son that he upped and abandoned and runs away. And Boomstick doesn't realize it.]]*** Even better as [[spoiler:Boomstick is the ''only one'' who doesn't catch it, after Sarge awkwardly gets off everyone turns to Boomstick to see his reaction, yes even Caboose.]]** Simmons and Grif finding out that [[spoiler:Tex is Carolina's mother]]. Caboose claims it was "super obvious."--->'''Simmons''': Huh. ...suddenly everything makes a lot more sense.--->'''Grif''': Fuck, dude... remember when all we used to do was stand around and talk?--->'''Simmons''': Yeah, good times.--->'''Grif''': Good times...** Grif thinks Wiz and Boomstick's names are the dumbest he's ever heard. Simmons reminds him that they work with Franklin Delano Donut.** The fight itself has some funny moments too:*** Before the fight starts, Carolina is doing some target practice. Her time just falls short of her best, which means Epsilon gets to pick what movie they see. Carolina asks him not to pick another terrible action movie. Church's response?---->'''Epsilon''': Oh, come on, they're hilarious. Everyone talks in one-liners and the plot's nonexistent. [[LampshadeHanging It's like the characters are just there to beat the shit out of each other.]]*** An example in the fight itself: A running gag in the show is that characters would commonly mutter out, or shout [[PrecisionFStrike "Son of a bitch!"]] before something really bad happens to them. [[spoiler: Since Meta is mute, Church says it for him]]---->'''[[spoiler: Epsilon:]]''' [[spoiler: Hey! Hey hey! Hold up... Uh, hey so I know that you're about to pummel her ginger face in and all, but you also only talk in grunts. So, I'm just going to say this one line for you, kay? Just this one time. *Meta realizes that Carolina has his gun and is pointing it at him*]] OH! Son of a bitch!*** The reaction to the fight.---->'''Grif''': Holy shit!---->'''Caboose''': I know! [[spoiler: He did not even have a head under his helmet! He was a ghost the whole time! Like Bruce Willis.]]* Episode 14: Grey vs Grey. A Red team and a Blue team are trapped in a room, and one soldier named Hutch dies when the lights briefly goes out. HilarityEnsues;** First, y'know that DeliberateMonochrome? That's not an aesthetic. The soldiers- each and every one of them -is ''colorblind!'' "What are the odds?"** And of course, that leads to some confusion when none of them can remember which team they were on.** And their attempts to figure out who shot Hutch. The narrator at the end reveals [[spoiler: Hutch died of a heart attack ''just before a trigger was fired.'']]* Episode 15: Caboose's Guide To Making Friends: ** VIC's utter amazement that Caboose somehow managed to show up in his "fourth wall breaking place". He's so impressed he's not even mad and gives him the floor.--->'''Vic:''' Alrighty amigos, it's time for another one of Vic's stories! Now, this time I was thinking of hitting you all with the origin of--\\'''Caboose:''' Friendship.\\'''Vic:''' Uh, whoa, dude, how did you get in here?\\'''Caboose:''' I used the door.\\'''Vic:''' You used the door? To get into this [[BreakingTheFourthWall fourth wall breaking]] episode prologue? [[LetMeGetThisStraight You found a door that to do that?]]\\'''Caboose:''' [[BluntYes Yes.]] It was next to the broken window by the men's restroom.\\'''Vic:''' [[{{Beat}} ...]][[RefugeInAudacity I am not even mad, color me impressed!]]** The squeak noise every time cartoon Caboose falls down.* Episode 16: Head Cannon: Takes us back to the first part of Episode 100, when Omega was bouncing from mind to mind. This time, we get to see what was going on in those minds.** Omega's utter disappointment in discovering he hadn't found Tex, partly set off by the bust of Simmons on a pedestal, then meeting Head!Simmons, who referred to the place a Che Si-Mon.--->'''Omega:''' If you attempt to keep me here against my will, I will remove your eyeballs and replace them with ping pong balls with similar eyes drawn on them!*** Simmon's head!Sarge saying that Simmons is really his biological son.--->'''Omega:''' And here I thought the blue one was delusional.*** Omega is completely relieved when an opening to escape presents itself.--->'''Omega:''' Oh thank god, an exit.** When he ends up back in Caboose's mind, all the mental images in his mind are babbling at Omega, and run off wildly when Tex joins him.--->'''Omega:''' Assuming of course that nobody knocks me out of this (Appears in the next mindscape) I can't help but fear I set myself for that one.** Head!Donut in all his flamboyant glory. He sparkles.--->'''Donut:''' Oh hey there, Omega, welcome to my Lightish-Red Head!\\'''Omega:''' Don't... Ever... Call it that again!\\'''Donut:''' You got it buddy. The cool kids all call it The [[AccidentalInnuendo Donut Hole]] anyway.\\'''Omega:''' Then my first order of business will be to murder the cool kids.** Sarge's mind is a war zone, as he fights the blues, a rampaging AI, and 'senility keeps trying to overtake the hippocampus'. When Omega sees a cluster of yammering Grifs, he asks what that is about, and Sarge answers 'stress relief' before shooting them with a rocket launcher. Omega approves.--->'''Dirty Blue No. 3 (Caboose):''' Alas, I have tripped![[note]]Made funnier in that this was a ThrowItIn. During the machinimation of the scene, 'Caboose' did fall over, and they thought it was funny enough to go get Joel to record the line to go with it.[[/note]]** By the time he reaches Grif's mind, he's getting 'rather tired of this', but is utterly surprised by how simple Grif's headspace is. Then a Head!Simmons taunts Grif, who runs off chasing him.** When he arrives in Church's mind, he starts ranting about how he can't take it anymore, only to start relaxing, and then sees Head!Church descending like an angel. When he threatens to take over, Church pretty much says go for it, he's exhausted from the stress anyway. Omega feels right at home, which of course is when he is ejected again.--->'''Omega:''' Nothing can stop us now! Yes, Nothing! (Cut to exterior where Tex hits Church, ejecting Omega) [[PrecisionFStrike Aw, Fuck.]]* Episode 17: Get Bent. Takes us to Epsilon's time stuck in the memory unit. But he mis-remembers the gender of the Reds as being female. HilarityEnsues.---> '''Epsilon:''' And ''what'' chicks are we going to pick up exactly?---> '''Tucker:''' What are you, the rookie? [[WhamLine We've got a whole base full of them right here in the canyon!]]---> '''Epsilon:''' Yeah but tha- [[DoubleTake I'm sorry, what?]]--->'''Caboose:''' Hey! I just wanted to let you know, the general stopped by and took the flag! Also, I think she likes me!** Epsilon slips up and accidentally calls the tank Sheila in front of Tucker at a time before she was officially given the name.---> '''Tucker:''' You named the tank ''Sheila''.---> '''Epsilon:''' I - uh, I - you know... Y-yeah. I mean... She just kinda looks like a Sheila to me, y'know. So, what were you saying?** Epsilon examines Blood Gulch to see what he mis-remembered. His reaction is priceless.--->'''Epsilon:''' The only thing I could have possibly gotten wrong is...--->'''Female!Sarge:''' Freeze, dirtbag!--->'''Epsilon:''' Well, shit. (Turns to look at Female!Sarge) Oh dear God in Heaven, ''no.''** Epsilon's outrage at finding out that, all this time, all they had to do was ASK Command for supplies.** While discussing their renovations to Red Base, Female!Sarge and Female!Simmons briefly discuss the [[ADateWithRosiePalms new showerhead.]]** Like in canon, Female!Donut managed to get the Blue's flag. In this memory, she put the flag in the Red's dining room, causing Female!Simmons to berate her for the clash in colors.** Epsilon's reaction to Female!Donut's DoubleEntendre that puts her male counterpart to shame. --->'''Female!Donut:''' If it were up to me, I'd get down on my hands and knees and I'd tear up all the carpet in this base. ({{Beat}}) What's with the blue guy?--->'''Epsilon:''' I'm just...I...I know what I should have expected from you, I was just not ready for it.** After Church is captured by the Female!Reds, Tucker comes into the Red Base, with Caboose in tow, solely so he can flirt with the Reds. His attempts to hit on Female!Grif end [[GroinAttack about as well as you'd expect.]]--->'''Tucker:''' Hey baby, I've never been with a plus-size girl before, and I bet you've never hooked up in an armored military tank. How about we scratch a few things off our buck- (Female!Grif shoots Tucker) [[OwMyBodyPart OW! My lap!]]--->'''Female!Grif:''' "Plus-size" my fat ass! ({{Beat}}) Oh, right...--->'''Tucker:''' Bow chicka ow owww...** The reveal of [[spoiler: Male!Tex]] towards the end.--->'''Epsilon:''' Uh... Let me think about this for a second... ({{Beat}}) [[IfItsYouItsOkay Yeah]], [[BiTheWay I'm cool with it,]] but I'm out.** At the end, after resetting reality again, Epsilon makes [[HereWeGoAgain another mistake...]]---> '''Tucker:''' I was saying, how about you and me go for a ride in this tank? I can show you the cannon.---> '''[[spoiler:Epsilon/Female!Epsilon]]:''' Tucker, what the fuck is wrong with... What the fuck is wrong with...---> ''[[spoiler:Camera pans back, revealing that Epsilon accidentally misremembered [[EpicFail himself]] as female.]]''---> '''[[spoiler:Female!Epsilon]]:''' Oh, COME ON!* Episode 18: Red Vs. Blue [[MusicalEpisode The Musical]]** Sarge and the Reds singing about naming their new rocket launchers and killing the Blues.*** Sargw is easily one of the most enthusiastic to be in this episode.---> ''Jazz hands!''*** Donut tries to give his suggestion---> '''Grif:''' What? You got any better ideas?---> '''Donut:''' I do!---> '''Everybody:''' No one cares!** Church's song about how much he hates his life, and everyone else.*** The picture of Tex that Church has is a DartboardOfHate that reads "Stop Calling Me -XOXO Tex"*** None of the others are impressed with Church's complaints.--->'''Tucker:''' Oh please. You're overly dramatic.--->'''Doc:''' You're clearly asymptomatic.--->'''Sheila:''' Your life is hardly that traumatic.--->'''Caboose:''' But [[CallBack your girlfriend is half-aquatic]].*** Church listing of the things wrong in his life.---> '''Church:''' I have been to jury duty 37 times! I always get the middle seat on flights! Last year nobody wished me a happy birthday! Fuck all of you! Fuck everyone! And fuck this fucking song!*** Even better, at the end of the episode, [[spoiler: Epsilon comments on how accurate this is!]]** Church decides to let the Reds attack him with their Rocket launchers. The Reds pull their triggers, only to learn that command didn't give them any spare ammo. Or, alternatively, they wasted all of it during the musical number.---> '''Church:''' God damn it.** Donut encouraging both teams to dance.---> '''Grif:''' Uh, what is happening right now?---> '''Church:''' I don't know. I just know that I hate it.** The reveal that the entire episode is Donut's version of the Blood Gulch Chronicles that he is telling everyone on Chorus.---> '''Doyle:''' Did you actually have song and dance numbers or..?---> '''Donut:''' Ugh. Let's take it from the top.---> '''Everybody:''' No! ** In his beginning narration, Vic mentions that Agent Florida downloaded his entire music archives into Vic's hard drive. All ''5000 songs.'' Apparently, Agent Florida [[ActorAllusion was]] into Music/BarenakedLadies. Who'da thunkit?* Episode 19** The only movie in Blood Gulch is ''Film/ReservoirDogs'', so the gang's weekly movie night is only ever enjoyed by Tucker. And then Caboose destroys the movie, leaving Tucker in funk, so Church decides to remake it with the Blood Gulch Crew. The Reds only join in due to boredom.** And how did Caboose destroy the movie? He tried to play a VHS in a film reel projector, which Church allowed because by that point he and everyone else was sick of the movie.** The movie night poster.--->''Night… the time of day when the sun goes down and so does Donut.''** [[LovableSexManiac Sister]]'s rant about sexist movie remakes.--->'''Sister:''' Why the fuck am I not Mr. Blonde?!--->'''Grif:''' Because you're a girl, and also you're not blonde.--->'''Sister:''' Not on my head.--->'''Grif:''' That doesn't eve-- WaitWhat?--->'''Church:''' Sister, there's no girls in ''Reservoir Dogs'', go back to base.--->'''Sister:''' Uh, what about the [[Fiml/Ghostbusters2016 all female remake]] they made? You know, [[TakeThat the terrible one]]?--->'''Church:''' ''Reservoir Bitches''? It was terrible!--->'''Sister:''' FINE! ENJOY BEING SEXIST! I'll go make my own movie, and it will only have girls! THEN, we'll see who's sexist!--->'''Simmons:''' And where're you gonna get girls to make an impromptu movie?--->'''Sister:''' I've done it before, and they didn't even care about the nudity, because WOMEN! ARE! PROFESSIONALS!--->'''Grif:''' Please do not tell anyone else the things you just said!--->'''Sister:''' I HAAAATE YOOOOUUU! [[ParentalSubstitute YOU'RE JUST LIKE MOM AND DAD!]]** ''Resvoir''... ''Resivouir''... ''Water Pond Dogs'' turns out to be a glorious example of BadBadActing. Church at least is trying, while Grif puts as much effort into the production as he does anything else:--->'''Grif:''' [[DullSurprise Ugh. I am shot.]]\\'''Church:''' Hey! Cut that shit right now. You're hurt. You're hurt real fuckin' bad. But you ain't dying. (''breaks character'') Okay, trust me, [[ContinuityNod I know what that feels like.]]\\'''Grif:''' Aaaah. That heist. It went so bad. And now, I have been shot. I am going to die. I know it.\\'''Church:''' That heist went bad. But you're not gonna die! I'm... uh, line?\\'''Simmons:''' "I'm going to get you help."\\'''Church:''' Right, I'm gonna get you help!\\'''Grif:''' ''[[RunningGag Hurk]]''-\\'''Church:''' [[HowDareYouDieOnMe No, don't you "hurk-bleh" on me!]]** This exchange:--->'''Simmons:''' Who the fuck gave [[LethallyStupid him]] actual gasoline?--->'''Caboose:''' I am a method actor.--->'''Sister:''' VAGINA POWER! DOWN WITH MEN! SUCK MY LADYDICK! [[ThatCameOutWrong END WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE!]] WE'VE SUFFERED LONG ENOUGH!* Episode 20: Sarge vs Church [[spoiler: Rap Battle, with a special appearance by Felix and Locus]]** The episode opens with Vic contemplating the long running question of Red VS Blue... which isn't "Do you ever wonder why we're here?", [[OverusedRunningGag because they've run that into the ground]].** Canonicity be damned, the sheer fact that [[spoiler: [[NoNonsenseNemesis Locus]] would ''ever'' participate in a rap battle.]]* Episode 21: The Triplets** Ohio losing it at the "5 questions game" in the beginning.-->'''Ohio''': I do not ''love'' that game. ''(mumbles)'' I just play it when I'm bored.-->'''Idaho''': Which is all the time.-->'''Ohio''': Because we never get mission assignments!** Pretty much anything Iowa does:-->'''Iowa''': Yeah Ohio, we're totally coo[[SuddenlyShouting SPIDER]]!-->'''Shooting at the ground'''-->'''Iowa''': ''({{Beat}})'' I got em.** Iowa's truly amazing track record of busted Mongooses ("Mongeese?"). He managed to destroy 12 in one training session. Seven by just ''sneezing'' next to them. ''Through his helmet''.-->'''Iowa''': I-I'm not a very strong driver.** The Five Questions Game which includes but is not limited to ''Dungeons and Dragons: Five Things You Don't Wanna Make Saving Throws Against'' and ''Five Meats That You Think Wouldn't Be Delicious But Are Totally Delicious''.** This Five Questions Game conversation, mostly the end since it doubles as a TearJerker:-->'''Iowa''': Five Things You'd Rather Be Doing. Go.-->'''Ohio''': Anything.-->'''Iowa and Idaho''': One.-->'''Ohio''': Something else.-->'''Both''': Two.-->'''Ohio''': Not this?-->'''Both''': Three...-->'''Ohio''': Contemplating the futility of existence in a coffee shop.-->'''Both''': Four?-->'''Idaho''': Seems like your hearts not really in this, Oh.-->'''Ohio''': YourMom!!-->'''Iowa''': Oooh snap, that's our girl!* Episode 22: The "Mission":** In order to see if there was really a base there, Iowa took off his helmet and ''licked it''. A metal base. On a frozen planet. and yes, his tongue got stuck and took him some time to warm it free. Also, according to him, the base tasted like a White Russian cocktail. (Turns out, the base has a lot of booze stockpiled, so it likely ''was'' the actual drink he was tasting.)** Sherry chastising her comrades.--->'''Sherry:''' You realize this is why they dumped us here, right? You're incompetent. ''He's'' incompetent. Talking to you makes ''me'' incompetent. Killing us and touching our dead bodies would have only made ''them'' incompetent.*** Sherry's snark in general:---->'''Darryl:''' We're from Charon Industries, and we're waiting to find out what we're here for.\\'''Sherry:''' Ex-Charon Industries! We're not really waiting for anything though, except maybe like, a quick, merciful death.\\\\'''Sherry:''' We don't exactly have a chain of command anymore. I'm mostly in charge though, because I'm not a complete fucking waste of brain cells.\\\\'''Sherry:''' Lemme guess. You guys got dumped here.\\'''Ohio:''' Wha–I... How did you know?\\'''Sherry:''' Body language! That and there's no reason to come here. For anyone, like ever.\\\\'''Sherry:''' The long and short of it is, we're fuck-ups. Like you! We're all stranded here, we'll all die here, and we'll all be forgotten.** Terrill offers to go make drinks to celebrate the Freelancers' arrivals. As they sneak through the base, Ohio checks to see if they've been spotted, but just sees Terrill making cocktails. Iowa wonders if they can make a whiskey on the rocks. Then, as his friends are having a team moment and preparing to meet the Charon soldiers, he loudly asks the Charons from offscreen if they can make a whiskey on the rocks. Iowa and Ohio hang their heads in shame.** Sherry's readings of the triplets, including her assessment of [[StraightGay Ohio]] ("Come on girl, it is ''obvious.''"), Idaho's former feelings for his friend ('''Ohio:''' "You used to ''what'' me?" '''Idaho:''' ''[nervous laughter]'' "Yeah, hey! Let's just... move past this!") and Iowa's brain damage ("But he has the most upbeat attitude, so net-net, I guess.")** Iowa shoots Darryl in the leg trying to kill an "ice spider".** Ohio and Sherry's mutual resignation at their teams' antics. They don't even bother moving from their spots as bullets fly past them.--->'''Sherry:''' This happen often?\\'''Ohio:''' Yeah. But not as often as-- ''[Rocket flies past]'' Never mind.** C.T. and South teasing Wash at the end with "Five Things No One Tells Wash".* Episode 23: WebVideo/{{Immersion}}: The Warthog Flip:** For starters, ''why'' are we getting an WebVideo/{{Immersion}} episode? [[PottyEmergency Vic had to go pee.]] [[UpToEleven And has been holding it in since the second episode of the season.]]--->'''Vic''': [[MST3KMantra Now, don't ask how a computer program takes a leak...]] Just watch these guys mess around with some science stuff... while I'm gone...** The live-action wraparound segment: Grif is [[DrivesLikeCrazy driving]] himself, Simmons, Sarge, and Lopez (reduced, once again, to a head) back to (a currently without power) Red Base [[spoiler:in order to save their [[SeriousBusiness rocky road]] ice cream from completely melting]].*** After everything is said and done, Grif bemoans that [[spoiler:their ice cream by that point is now ice cream soup]]... [[NotSoDire which he realizes isn't that bad after saying it out loud]].** Lopez, just before the Warthog crashes:--->'''Lopez''': La peor parte es que me van a hacer a mí arreglar el coche. [The worst part is... they're going to make me fix the car.]*** Where's Donut? Off getting parts to fix the Warthog's power steering.---->'''Lopez''': ¿Quieres decir el Warthog que estamos conduciendo ahora? ([[FailedASpotCheck You mean the Warthog we're driving now?]])** Sarge initially thinks Grif is driving the Warthog so fast is because [[Film/{{Speed}} of a bomb in it]][[note]]Lopez is the only one to point out the allusion.[[/note]]. The episode ends with him saying that [[BreakingTheFourthWall the only thing that can make the episode better]] [[SelfDeprecation is a shoe-horned in explosion]]. [[StuffBlowingUp Connect the dots.]]*** When Simmons is wondering how to shoehorn an explosion in, Sarge suggests using the bomb in the Warthog. Just as Lopez (sitting in the Warthog's seat) is angrily asserting that there is no bomb, cue the mushroom cloud.-->'''Simmons:''' ...huh. Guess there really was a bomb.\\'''Sarge:''' Told ya.** The host for the experiment is Burnie. The lab rat? Miles Luna. As such, enjoy the mental image of Church torturing Felix for an entire episode.*** Burnie has Miles try and flip over the Warthog himself using his own personal strength. [[ForegoneConclusion It doesn't go over perfectly.]]---->'''Miles''': (straight up charges into the Warthog; recoils in pain) GOD ''DAMMIT''!* Episode 24: Red vs Blue vs Rooster Teeth: The Reds and Caboose end up in Rooster Teeth headquarters. HilarityEnsues.** Burnie and Geoff's idea to get back at Miles and the Machinima crew? [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-H1xYeUZkw The Machinima Death Switch.]]--> '''Burnie:''' What we need... is... ''(Pan over to the Death Switch)'' ...A simple solution!--> ''Burnie starts [[EvilLaugh laughing]], Geoff awkwardly joins in. Laughter dies down.''--> '''Geoff:''' Like the Nazis!--> '''Burnie:''' Wha-?! No, that's - Geoff, that's the FinalSolution, [[MundaneSolution I-I'm gonna cut the power.]]--> '''Geoff:''' Ohh!--> '''Burnie:''' Yeah, why Nazis? [[DudeNotFunny That was kinda weird]].** It's implied that Geoff is drunk off his ass the entire time.** The Machinima crew's reaction to meeting the Blood Gulch Crew face-to-face? [[TheScream Scream at the top of their lungs and run like hell.]]** Joel's reaction to seeing the motion capture equipment running on its own, showing Caboose dancing without someone acting out his movements.-->'''Joel''': "That can't be good."** Joel espousing to Caboose the importance [[spoiler:[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dWk8SM0GLs of buying gold]]]].-->'''Caboose''': (after Joel leaves) And that is the smartest person I have ever met.[[/folder]][[folder:Mini Series]]* In "Relocated", Sarge, wanting to get their new base in Valhalla up and running, sends Grif up to the very top of the structure. Eventually, Grif finds that some wreckage is blocking something, and Simmons suggests using a grenade to clear it.-->'''Grif:''' Is that safe?\\'''Simmons:''' ''None'' of this is safe! You wanna start analyzing ''now?''** Earlier, Sarge sends Simmons to spy on Blue Base, where Simmons has an encounter with Caboose. He returns to report...-->'''Simmons:''' Well, [the base] isn't running on brain power, I can tell you that.\\'''Sarge:''' Oh, good! That means Grif can still be used as a reliable fuel source!* In "Where There's a Will, There's a Wall", Sarge wants to take down the wall behind Red Base to see what's on the other side. His first idea? send a Warthog (Driven by Grif) down a ramp to smash through it. Lopez's Hispanic deadpan commentary only drives the humor home.** Meanwhile, the Blues have gotten a Pelican chopper. Each soldier has an ImagineSpot;*** Church wants to pull a ScrewThisImOuttaHere.*** Tucker wants to pick up chicks.*** And Caboose? His thought balloon just has a floating wreckage of what the Pelican used to be. Thought!Caboose looks down at Real!Caboose and says, "I have no idea what I'm doing."** At the end, Lopez has his own ImagineSpot: He's in the tank, and uses it to kill both the Reds and Blues in one shot.* The "Grifball" spinoff series, featuring the lowest ranked team in the Grifball League, Team Slipspace.** The Commissioner is hilarious, due to his smug voice and how swiftly he diverts any criticisms towards his management style.[[/folder]][[folder:[=PSAs=] and Other Videos]]* The end of the "Real Life vs. The Internet" PSA:** Where they come to politics:---> '''--REAL LIFE--'''\\'''Church:''' Look, that's just the way I feel about it.\\'''Sarge:''' Well I disagree, but I respect your opinion.\\'''--INTERNET--'''\\'''Church:''' You deserve to DIE! Die and go to hell and be burned!\\'''Sarge:''' Oh, yeah?! Well, I hope you get raped! Twice! Maybe then you feel different! Jerk!\\'''Grif:''' We don't need to find any weapons of mass destruction! We just need to WANT to find them! That's the way it works!\\'''Simmons:''' I VOTED FOR NADER! I HATE EVERYBODY!\\'''Doc:''' Would you like to change your home page to moveon.org?\\'''Donut:''' Politics make me soooo horny! Check out my webcam picks at presidentialsluts.com!** The best part of this whole exchange is that the domain name presidentialsluts.com is registered to Geoff Ramsey, Grif's voice actor.** Or when they discuss checking your mail:---> '''--REAL LIFE--'''\\'''Church:''' [[BillBillJunkBill Bills, bills, bills... coupon. Great.]]\\'''--INTERNET--'''\\'''Simmons:''' Pardon me, my friend, but I am Nigirean Roylty, and I need you to send me money. Please ignore the fact that I can't spell "Nigerian." Or "royalty."\\'''Doc:''' Would you like to refinance your home? Mortgage rates have never been lower! \\'''Grif:''' Hey, Church! We have all the filthiest sluts on the internet. They're hopped up on herbal Viagra and waiting for you!\\'''Sarge:''' WOULD YOU LIKE A BIGGER PENIS?! WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE IT? I COULD SUGGEST SOME PLACES!\\'''Doc:''' You could put it in escrow! \\** Earlier in the vid is Gustavo Sorola's (Simmons' VA) favorite quote of the series:---> '''Simmons:''' I hate you! And I hate the bands you like!* See also the "best of" collections for the cast: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAjyJrZMaWk Sarge]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSOvY7MN17E Church]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbFoilZ48Wo Simmons]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ve5MhZSbTE Tucker]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8CuY0i2v_4 Grif]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fj-U7SA-oI Tex]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTIoqmoxPQc Donut]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73113lua7fw Sister]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6kqENaHlxU Doc/O'Malley]], and of course, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pSglMxWqfo Caboose]].* One word: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqWtbQdA6o4 Grifball]]. Eventually became an AscendedMeme.** Two other words: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5ef9xiA61M Gay Robot]].** [[Film/DodgeballATrueUnderdogStory The American Grifball League]] [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment of America]]** Caboose's description of the game.-->'''Caboose:''' It's just like hockey. Except with Grif, and more teeth.* The "Game On" PSA. ''"Can we stop that fucking horn already!"''* Everyone was busy during the "Columbus Day" PSA... so they let ''Caboose'' host it. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IsJfFDQpgY Epic Hilarity Ensues.]]* The Valentine's Day PSA. Caboose mourns over celebrating without Church and remembers their "[[HoYay tradition]]".--->'''Caboose''': Hey Church! Happy Valentine--\\'''Church''': Get the fuck away from me.* Outtakes from [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A01VGJduad0 Reconstruction.]] Notable moments are "AUTOBOTS, ''TRANSFORM!''" (followed by his absurdly deep "OH MY GOD"), [[OohMeAccentsSlipping Scottish!Wash]], and the Meta [[BeatingADeadPlayer teabagging.]]** Not to mention Church's ''terrible'' singing of [[KatyPerry "I Kissed a Girl."]]* Church attempting to describe Sergeant Johnson's [[MemeticBadass Memetic Badassitude]] in the last ''Halo 3: ODST'' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6wNn5DhaF4 promotional video.]]-->'''Church:''' Sergeant Johnson is as tough as they come. They say he's a strong as an ox, and as agile as... a... smaller ox.\\'''Sarge:''' What?\\'''Church:''' He moves like a whisper, that you only say to the wind at midnight.\\'''Simmons:''' Why would you do that? That doesn't make any sense.\\'''Church:''' He's as cunning as a fox, taking a... pottery class at a... Ivy League university... that accepts foxes!\\'''Grif:''' Wow. You're not very good at analogies, are you?* From the Sixth Anniversary PSA:-->'''Sarge:''' Why are you still in character?\\'''Lopez:''' [[MethodActing Don't Fuck with my Method.]]* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNqfskP72Nw The Fire Safety PSA]] in [[FauxToGuide all of its glory]].--> "You may be asking yourself: what is fire? If you're asking that, it's because you're an idiot. You'll probably ask things like 'What am the sky?' and 'How does eat food?' Even cavemen knew what fire was, you dumbass."* In their Olympics PSA, Sarge gets the idea to give medals of ''enriched uranium'' to the losers.* "What I Did On My Summer Vacation.": [[HilarityEnsues Caboose gets caught up in the Halo: Reach campaign]].** When Caboose and Jorge are blasting into space.-->'''Caboose:''' Man, I can't wait to touch all of these buttons.\\'''Jorge:''' Don't touch any buttons.\\'''Caboose:''' …Touch.\\'''Jorge:''' ''(Ejected into space)'' Cabooooose~!** In Dr. Halsey's introductory cutscene:--> '''Dr Halsey:''' Do you have it? (referring to the package) -->'''Caboose:''' No, you won't let go of it. -->'''Dr Halsey:''' Say the words please. -->'''Caboose:''' The words please. -->'''Jun:''' What?** When Caboose gets dropped off back at Blood Gulch from orbit.-->'''Caboose:''' Goodbye. Thank you for the ride. You are my new best friends and I will never forget you. You probably can't hear me though because everyone knows there's no oxygen on a rollercoaster. I am yelling quieter now because I am further away from you.* The Blood Gulch team plays [[http://roosterteeth.com/archive/?id=3633 Firefight.]]** A bonus is that Doc is reunited with [[spoiler:Omega]] for his scene.--->'''Doc''': I haven't had a [[WorstAid killing spree]] [[NoodleIncident since]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice my last residency!]]** Pretty much everything Church does.--->'''Church:''' That was a sniper kill, [[ExactWords I used]] [[PistolWhip the sniper rifle.]]--->'''Church:''' ''(after a highly successful [[StuffBlowingUp ordinance blast]])'' [[BlatantLies Hey Tucker, look how many guys I killed with the sniper rifle!]]** Also Caboose.---> '''Caboose:''' [[TankGoodness De-de-de, I have a tank.]]--->...--->'''Caboose:''' That's not my fault, someone put your body in my way.--->...--->'''Caboose:''' You look sad, [[StuffBlowingUp have a free grenade.]]--->...--->'''Caboose:''' [[StickyBomb They're sticky!]]* Donut's ImageSong [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8R-B7efoHs Donut: The Musical]] will never not be funny.* The ''Higgs Bozos'' PSA has Sarge's idea of a scientific demonstration, followed by [[spoiler: [[DumbassHasAPoint Caboose going on a lengthy and somewhat eloquent speech about the nature of knowledge]], closing with the thought that "People will always look up at the sky, and just [[ArcWords wonder why we're here]]". Then he shouts "WATER BISON POWERS ACTIVATE!" and runs off at super speed. Simmons and Sarge's reactions, both to the speech and Caboose's exit, seal the deal.]]--->[[spoiler: '''Caboose:''' Yeah, the universe sure is mysterious. But, you know, what if we did solve all the problems? What then? Would we just live on, forever, happy in our triumph over ignorance? Or is ignorance just a common enemy that, once destroyed, would leave our species without a reason to carry on? I guess it doesn't really matter what the answer is, because even if we could attain supreme knowledge, the thought of it just wouldn't keep us together. In the end, people will always look up at the sky, and just wonder why we're here. [[MoodWhiplash WATER BISON POWERS ACTIVATE!]]]]* From the Online Survival PSA:** Discussing how to deal with Internet Trolls with a Red and Blue Battle Creek Zealot each playing the role of a troll. Just hearing ''SARGE'' saying this is hilarious:---> '''Sarge''': ''(trying not to retaliate)'' Frowny emoticon...!* During the PSA's released to announce Halo4's release date, Sarge and the Reds are trying to keep the release date secret from the Blues so they won't know to pre-order. The camera then cuts to Tucker and Church, who then casually reveal that they already knew the release date and have pre-ordered. Also, Sarge's song about the date so that they remember.* The Gadgets PSA, providing a satire against how new seeming gadgets get replaced by even newer ones.--> [BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ]--> '''Simmons:''' Ah, Jesus!--> '''Church:''' What's that noise?!--> '''Simmons:''' It's my cellphone. Donut must have borrowed it. He's always overclocking the vibrate setting and [[{{ADateWithRosiePalms}} calling]] [[AssShove himself]].--> '''Church:''' [[{{Squick}} Gross...]]* The Voting Fever PSA; it's a CallBack to their ''Halo 4'' announce date videos; with Grif and Simmons trying to trick Sarge into thinking they were out to vote. Sarge forces them to do a pro-voting musical number; with a chorus of [=ODSTs=] joining in and Grif having no clue about how elections work. To top it all off, it's revealed Sarge used the song as a distraction to steal their place in line to buy ''Halo 4''.** [[FromBadToWorse And it turns out the two of them actually did get sick.]] [[note]]To get out of work and grab Halo 4, Grif and Simmons had to get a sick day for November 6th.[[/note]]* York's ImageSong "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YrfyeurqnI Come On Carolina]]", where he complains she's "always being such a bitch" and needs to "stop kicking me", and suggests "playing ''[[BreakingTheFourthWall Halo 4]]'' naked" and "having babies [[spoiler:with green eyes]]".* The teaser for Season 11. To elaborate, it begins with two random soldiers talking, with one of them (Dennis) giving a rather [[BuffySpeak truncated]] summary of everything the Blood Gulch Crew's been through up to this point, while his friend (Jerry) keeps demanding to know how this is relevant to them:--> '''Jerry:''' Dennis?--> '''Dennis:''' Jerry?--> '''Jerry:''' I love you.--> '''Dennis:''' O...kay...what?--> '''Jerry:''' You are my friend.--> '''Dennis:''' I know.--> '''Jerry:''' I ''enjoy'' our Tete-a-tetes.--> '''Dennis:''' Our what-a-whats?--> '''Jerry:''' But if you do not tell me what the ''hell'' all this has to do with ''us'' in the next ''five seconds,'' I AM GOING TO SHOOT YOU!** Eventually, it turns out that the two guys were supposed to greet the ship that was transporting the BGC...and that said ship hasn't shown up. Naturally, Jerry starts wondering where they are. Cue the GilliganCut to the BGC standing before the smoking wreckage of a massive transport, now marooned on an alien world. And the more things change, the more they stay the same:--> '''Caboose:''' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Not my fault.]]--> '''Tucker:''' ''Absolutely'' your fault.--> '''Sarge:''' *Chuckles* Well, looks like we're gonna be here a while; [[HereWeGoAgain better build some bases!]] Grif, Simmons, let's get to work!--> '''Simmons:''' [[YesMan Yes, sir!]]--> '''Grif:''' Ugh, ''work?'' I ''hate'' work! Work's the worst!--> '''Washington:''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck I think I'm going to regret this.]]*** [[spoiler:Caboose is right for once. As far as we know, it really wasn't his fault.]]* During a live event, the RT crew did a live table read for the then upcoming 'MIA' miniseries. While the regulars were doing the assorted voices (with Bernie doing Vic), they had a pair of audience members doing 'naration' and 'sound effects'. At one point, when Vic is dialing the phone, the sound effects guy made the touch tone sounds play Mary Had a Little Lamb.-->'''Gus:''' Hey, don't steal the spotlight.-->'''Sound effects guy''' <bows to the crowd>** Also, at the end of the 'call', 'Vic' ab libs that [[TalkingToHimself Sarge and Doc sound alike]]. 'Sarge' replies that they don't, but why doesn't he call up Church, or even Lopez.* The 'Match Breaking' PSA with Tucker and Simmons giving advice on how to get a date/to get laid. Funny overall, with a guest appearance of [[spoiler:Sister]], it ends with [[spoiler:a Warthog driven by Carolina, with Grey and Kimball, running Tucker down.]]-->'''Tucker:''' Lavernius Tucker, love doctor [[KilledMidSentence extraordinHURGWAAauh]]\\'''[[spoiler:Carolina]]:''' Nobody here had a problem with that, right?\\'''[[spoiler:Kimball]]:''' Not at all.\\'''[[spoiler:Dr. Grey]]:''' Nope!** Prior to this, Simmons runs off after a date he'd stood up because she'd sent him a ;) emoticon, which was "getting too serious". She shows up again - after having spent the night with Tucker working the rebound.** Prior to that, Tucker approaches a woman at a club.--->'''Tucker:''' ''[narrating]'' You can then make your presence known by delivering a well thought-out and rehearsed pick up line. Such as...\\'''Tucker:''' ''[shouting over the loud music]'' HEY HOT STUFF! NICE LEGS! WHAT TIME DO THEY OPEN? SO WE CAN--\\''[She shoots him in the face]''\\'''Tucker:''' OHHHH, THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A HORRIFIC SCAR!* Sarge and Caboose go camping. It goes about as well as you'd expect. [[spoiler:Except that they go camping in ''{{VideoGame/Minecraft}}''.]]* In the ''Relocated'' commentary Burnie Burns stated flat-out that if a joke is funny enough, the continuity gets temporarily suspended so it can be used, in the particular case the "Sister falling through the ice" joke.* [[http://roosterteeth.com/archive/?id=7929&v=more&s=11 Red vs. Blue Blockbuster Trailer]]* ''Sleeper'', a live-action skit, features Sarge, Caboose, and Grif in cryogenic stasis being awoken by a nameless scientist type (as played by Burnie Burns). Not only is it hilarious to actually see everyone in Spartan armor {{Head Bob}}bing like in the games, but Grif treats cryosleep like ''regular'' sleep, including installing a snooze button on his tube's alarm and begging off for "five more minutes" when Sarge tries to wake him. When the scientist notes that the taste of cryofluid should keep him from going back to sleep, Grif reveals that he "got bubble gum flavor" and a cut to the scientist's DataPad reveals that he really has flooded his tube with bubble gum flavored cyrogenic fluid. Everyone else apparently got "[[VulgarHumor scrotum flavor]]."* Simmons interrupting the ASMR PSA (just in time to cover up Caboose removing his helmet) with an Anonymous-style warning. He then leaks all of their personal files to each other, including his own. He gets tackled by Tucker and Grif after they feign sympathy for him and walk off-screen to find him inside the base under the pretense of giving him a hug.** Caboose [[CallBack wanting to role-play as a dragon]] and book-ending the video by asking if they were still going to do that.** The content that Simmons leaks is ridiculous:*** Tucker's SlashFic collection ''about himself''.*** Nude pictures of Sister, much to Grif's embarrassment.--->'''Tucker:''' Aaaand saved. You know, for later. [[BlatantLies To give back to her.]]*** A screenplay for a Sarge movie sequel written by Simmons himself, though Simmons didn't mean to leak that.*** A nude picture of Donut, though not leaked by Simmons, but by Donut himself unsurprisingly.* One bonus video proported to show that before Nathan Zellner was cast as the alien in Blood Gulch Chronicles, they had the other cast members audition for the role. The result was [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_6Cnxt_eu4 a video of the various VAs doing it in character of their roles]].-->'''Caboose:''' I AM AN ALIEN!* From their Season 6 outtakes. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhT_mA4DPOQ "Butts" by Burnie Burns.]]* After Season 14, RT put out a short non-machinima video using a 360 setup. It's pretty simple, with Grif and Simmons talking on top of their base, with Grif going over what he thinks would be the perfect way of robbing somebody: Wearing a clown mask and escaping in a hot air balloon. [[spoiler:Meanwhile, if you take advantage of the 360 system, you can turn the camera around, and while the guys are talking, the Blues are in the base stealing the Red Army flag with Grif and Simmons being utterly clueless about what's going on.]]* The next 360 video involves the teams dividing the contents of a supply ship that "crashed" in Blood Gulch [[spoiler:i.e. it was shot down by the Reds]]. This includes the viewer [[spoiler:probably the ship's unfortunate pilot, who also doesn't survive the next two minutes.]]* The third 360 video is about Tucker [[spoiler: and Caboose and Church and Sarge]] trying to teach Junior about sex. We could try to list the funny moments but every moment is a funny one.-->'''Tucker:''' He can't die a virgin! That's Simmons' job!* The fourth 360 video is from [[CloudCuckoolander Caboose's]] perspective. The result is hearing [[{{Jerkass}} Church]] suddenly talk about friendship at the drop of a hat and Sarge having a pirate accent. Not too mention the drawings that keep popping up.----[[/folder]]