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Family Conflicts Over Elderly Parents
As elderly parents begin to rely on family for more support, the amount of conflict between adult children can increase. Dealing with a parent's care can rekindle sibling rivalries that have lain dormant for years, and the discord can tear families apart.
Learn more about family conflicts that can occur when siblings are caring for their parents.
Causes of Family Conflicts
Family dynamics are infinitely complex, but two underlying themes run through most sibling disputes about their parent's care: injustice and inheritance.
1. Injustice
When one sibling shoulders a disproportionate burden of Dad or Mom's care, that sense of unfairness can foster resentment. Often, by virtue of distance, the siblings who live further away are "off the hook" when it comes to caring for an aging parent, while the nearest siblings are obliged to take on a caregiving role. When the caregiving sibling asks for help from other siblings, the other siblings often don't fully appreciate, or choose to ignore, how much help their parent needs, and how much work one sibling is doing.
2. Inheritance
Many siblings clash over a parent's finances. With the average American household's net worth declining since 2007, siblings must divide an even smaller inheritance, naturally increasing the likelihood of conflict. In a perfect world, each of us is selfless and not motivated by money, but we live in a far from perfect world where money is indispensable, so it remains a problem within families.
Caregiving is stressful on its own, but when injustice and inheritance are added to a situation, they can create animosity between siblings. When family dynamics are already tense because one sibling feels unjustly overburdened with a parent's care, money can compound the conflict.
A sibling who provides most of a parent's care may feel entitled to a greater share of an inheritance. Or, siblings who are more distant or not involved may believe that the caregiving sibling is spending too much money on a parent's care. Sometimes, the children of aging parents will even resist plans for professional care in order to "protect" an inheritance.
Tips for Improving Communication with Your Siblings During a Family Disagreement
There are no easy answers to settle disputes between siblings who are butting heads over a parent's care, but maintaining communication is crucial. Consider using these tips for improving communication with your siblings during a family disagreement:
A Family Meeting
Ideally, siblings can correct issues before they become irreconcilable. The key is good communication, and a tried and true strategy to facilitate the exchange of ideas is the family meeting. At a family meeting, there should be frank and open discussion about a parent's care needs. Each sibling's role and obligations should be established, and future plans should be made. But if the question of where to hold a family meeting leads to a bitter argument in and of itself, the friction may have gotten past the point when a family meeting can help.
Advisors, Counsels and Mediators
Sometimes a neutral third-party can calm feuding siblings. A Place for Mom Senior Living Advisors, who work directly with families as they plan a parent's care, have defused many disputes between siblings over lengthy conference calls. Family counselors can also help to bridge the differences between siblings, assuming they still talk to one another. If things have become really heated, a family mediator specializing in senior care issues may be able to break through the ill will and help build consensus and find middle-ground.
The High Road
Ultimately, the only person we can change is ourselves. No matter how much we try to reason with a disagreeable sibling, we may not succeed.
While advocating for what's best for our parent, it's wise to let go of anger or resentment towards a sibling who has been unhelpful or hurtful, and to strive for the undeniable peace that comes from acceptance and forgiveness; neither stifling our impulse to call out an uncooperative brother or sister, nor allowing ourselves to be consumed with anger.
Related Articles:
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About the AuthorJeff Anderson attended the University of Alaska Fairbanks on an academic scholarship and also studied creative writing at University of Hull's Scarborough Campus (UK). Jeff found his professional calling in 2009 when he began working with seniors and their families at A Place for Mom. His passion for helping seniors and his fondness for the written word are evident in his articles about issues affecting older adults and their families. Jeff also writes and records music under the moniker Mysterious Inventors. Additionally he's an avid chess player and a proud parent.| Jeff Anderson's Google+ Profile
Please share your thoughts or comments on this article:
- Tammy O.
Anne ,do you have POA? If so, no one is allowed near their money but you and them. My brother lives in Texas, me (and our dad) in Georgia. I pay his bills, my brother his power bill and phone online). He has no problem with how the money is spent (bills and grocery). If he did, I have POA, so he couldn't have a say so. With a general POA, you bear responsibility, but have peace of mind that relatives can't harass you either.
- Tammy O.
Great advice! In our case, my sweet daddy did plan for his future. What he didn't plan for was an ex wife to strip him of his savings. He had $5000 left by the time my brother and me found out.
- judy
what are the numbers and signs placed after the word mother or husband such as &8#039's//////
- sandra Singer
My sister has spent 5 years taking care of my dad, who's wife is Filipino, the agreement was the same pay as the caretaker before(who was a family member of my dad's wife) that was agreed upon…my sister is of the 60's peace &love everybody and everybody has good in them generation, so nothing was documented. well 5 yrs later my dad is about to die , there are allegations pointing to his wife of abuse and suddenly she wants to know when dad is going to die this week, next month by Dec? since she is retiring to her native land. My dad sponsored all her children to come over to the US and they still act phony when around us. my question how do we get her to give my sister her pay before she runs to her country
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- Gracie
Don't know if you got any replies or if you have been able to find a solution to your very difficult situation. I have not actually been this situation but know someone who cared for both his parents alone for 8 years until his mother passed away (Alzheimers). He was totally burnt out and has had to take respite and leave his siblings to care for their father who has Parkinson's. It has caused no end of arguments and trouble. His father is now in hospital after having had pneumonia, the other two siblings are also burnt out and the level of care required by his father means that he will have to be admitted to a care facility when a place becomes available. Perhaps there is a carer's association who you can draw on for support and who may be able to advocate for you?
- Gracie
Hi Jenny, I am not in a position to unsubscribe you – you will need to contact admin for that.
- jenny Foster
Pleas will you unsubscribe me…
- Gracie
I am so glad to have found this forum. At least I know now that I am not the only person in this difficult situation. I am not currently caring for an aged parent, however my mother's brother has asked me to look after his sister several times. When I relocated to be closer to my children and grandchildren, he assumed that I had done so in order to look after my mother. He thinks I should be the one to do so since I am not married (divorced) and somehow imagines this means I have less responsibility instead of more – and no one to help carry the load.
I am resisting taking on the role at all costs, although as I am nearby I am called on at times to help out which I am willing to do.
My older sister has power of attorney and is also the executor of Mum's estate so I do not have any authority in the situation. Despite saying repeatedly that she intends to do so my mother has not yet made me an emergency contact (she has a personal alarm). My older sister and I have barely spoken for 12 years and when I phoned her to suggest that Mum needed more assistance and care, she completely ignored me.
I was left to care for my grandfather during the day when he was dying. I was 16, turning 17 during the time I was caring for him. He was a very kind and gracious man and I did not mind looking after him – preparing meals and making cups of tea and coffee etc. However, my uncle and mother consider that they were the ones who looked after him. I was not given adult information at the time (no one told me he was dying) and had no idea what I should do in an emergency – if he stopped breathing etc. which was very scary for me.
- caroline
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- Polly Zang
Ultimately, you have to care for yourself. Everyone is busy but when you sacrifice yourself down to a nervous breakdown, no one benefits. In your heart you know you did what was right and what you could humanly do. God understands even if the relatives don't. Keep your chin up and guard your heart. You have my respect.
- Pearl Bandringa
I so understand. My dad passed away a year ago. I was there every weekend, he called when he needed something. I paid all the bills, etc. I work full-time and a single mom. When he was on his death bed my sister said I never did anything for dad. My other sister would get mad when I didn't do things her way. His last days were filled with taking things out of the house they should not have. I am also the executor so they were angry with that. You can't win. Not only did I lose both of my parents but my family also. My advice, take care of yourself. you can't please everyone and your parent is the one you need to take care of not your siblings!
- CJSeymour
My husband and I have a pact. He's 73, I'm 69, and If either of us gets sick, and we can see down the road, and it's really, really grim–a terminal disease that will impair either of us to the point of total dependency–we will take our own life, one way or another, in as natural and clean a way as possible.
We refuse to put our daughter in the situation we've been in for 10 years–stuck in a small town 1500 miles from our only grandchild, excruciating stress 24/7, endless administrative burdens, watching our last mobile years go up in smoke (our 99-year-old mother is a heavy smoker) and our granddaughter's childhood pass by in photos, with the inescapable stench of urine that nothing gets rid of it, not even a neti pot. The list is endless.
There are no historic precedents for this rampant epidemic of extended life without quality of life. It is the unintended consequence of modern medicine and a societal mess we need to address realistically. My husband and I are lucky in one regard–our daughter is fully self-supporting. Those of our generation who are supporting elderly parents, children and grandchildren (known as the "Sandwich Generation") are in an even more bitter stew.
Aging and dying slowly in this world has become a nightmare of extended misery. It destroys the living and the dying, equally. Our mother is as much the victim of it as we are, and if given a painless choice, would most likely have taken it when she still had her mind.
How much suffering will it take before we do the only decent and compassionate thing: make physician-assisted dying by choice a legal option.
- Sue Follman
This is exactly what happened to my siblings & myself. I have 4 siblings, only speak to one.
- Sara
most intelligent comment, thank you for the timely reminder
, people lack a keen sense of the obvious…I guess because the truth is so harsh
- paulette
I was my moms care giver 24/7 my preciouse mom had multiple myloma she she passed away July 22 2016! I have two sisters who would visit once a week! As mybmoms health was declining my sisters were in denial moms health declined in a three week period she was bed ridden unable to feed her self became confused there was a few nights she would talk all night not making any sense! My mom was my world if she would call on me all night I was there I would tell her call me every five mins.and I'll come to help you! The night I noticed her declining I called hospice they advised me to call the family she was he's away from her death! Mybeldest sister asked me why what brought this on she was fine earlier! I responded mom has cancer she's during! Mom passed away !I'm power ofmattmover financial and medical! All funeral arrangements were made without me! Both sisters are not speaking to me! If I could care for my mom all over again I would!
- sportygirl1972
I did leave my job to come home to care for my Mom with Alzheimer's.
20 years ago, Mom had made plans for the future so that I could get paid
$100 a day x 5 days, so I could afford healthcare. Then, my Dad
suddenly took a massive turn for the worse, so I sent an email explaining how bad things had gotten and instead of help, I was
called a liar by my two siblings and one of their wives. They did not understand why I was "complaining'. They expected me to be 24/7 caregivers to both parents. I sent out emails/texts/unanswered phone calls for help, to no avail. for five weeks. I was so overwhelmed, I started having such negative thoughts and it scared me.
So, one night, I'd had enough… my brother had responded to my pleas
for help by stopping by unannounced and instead of offering to help,
sent me a scathing email about what he saw that I was doing wrong at the
house. I flipped OUT. I packed my bags and was ready to go. I felt
bad for scaring my parents, but I told them to call my brother because
he needed to come over and take care of them. I was packed and ready to
walk out the door. He finally agreed to start helping Dad. But this morning, Dad was rushed to the hospital with pneumonia which completely explained what I had told my siblings. So, I was no longer a liar, but still treated like a social pariah. Dad will be there for a few days, but I'm trying desperately to find someone who has a medical degree or something to explain to them that I CANNOT be a 24/7 caregiver to two people. I'm not sure where I can get this kind of documentation. If they plan on sending Dad home without a caretaker, I have no idea what I'll do. Any ideas, because I'm just nervous and anxious.
- Jane Nagy
Wow,this article is spot on in regards to my family situation at present….helps to read it in print to validate my thoughts and feelings!!
- Pamela Friedman
My sister, is doing, the same thing. A dependent most of her life, living in my mother's, that she worked for, left her in a nursing home, after a fall and pneumonia, and is Now thinking to SHIP her upstate, Where we won't have access…….and the home can drug and neglect her, with no oversight. My mother will give up, stop eating and die!!! She has cognitive impairment, and is "Pleading" to die in her home. Even after she reached her therapy goals in January 2026, she Refused to take her home, and is paying privately, $400. a day, with my mother's money, to keep her away and out of HER HOUSE? I don't know who can help or if there is anything that can be done. She has the power of attorney. She won't EVEN let her live with me and I am a nurse. My mother is Suffering Terribly mentally, and soon won't want to eat, especially if she goes upstate, and has to start over, readjusting to new faces and routines. This is the WORST situation of my life. I have NO Answers. Help
- Janet Sharp
Get an elder law attorney and a good doctor immediately!
- mrollachan
My story is a little different. As the daughter-in-law I have been responsible for looking after my mother-in-law since 2001. If there was an appointment she needed to get to of any great distance I was expected to be the one to take her. As her health concerns grew I took on more and more responsibility. This was a gradual process and I have few regrets. I did what I had to do as the daughter-in-law for both mother-in-law's sake and my husband's sake. However, the last five years have been very taxing on me. The responsibility has been great.
All the in-laws live away and come to visit two to three times per year. Some are home for an extended period of time.
However, the thing that hurts me the most is the fact that none of my in-law family ever took the time to visit my brother. My brother is disabled and has lived in care for 30 years. There was no expectation that they would be responsible for helping me look after him or doing anything for him. Just an expectation that perhaps just once or twice they would have said they wanted to visit him. He has lived 5 minutes away since 2006, relatively close from a time perspective and a visit would only take a short time.
We have used my brother's wheelchair van on several occasions – to help move mother-in-law, to take her out in the wheelchair and it was never acknowledged in any way – not even a thank you.
The in-laws have not even seen my brother since our wedding reception 20+ years ago.
I brought this matter up very kindly with my sister-in-law when she was home over the holidays. She got very defensive and has not mentioned it since. No apology or sense that maybe they should visit him.
Is it too much to expect that they should visit my brother on occasion?
- Stinkerdoodle
I just saw this article, after having a discussion with one of my sisters about my mom. My mom has lived with me for nearly eight years and her mobility is getting even worse. I am getting exhausted having to deal with some of the things I deal with, when it comes to having a live-in parent. I have really bad days, when I lose my temper, and lost it today. I called one of my sisters for a different issue, but I also brought up the argument with our mom. I told my sister about how I am getting tired and that, eventually, someone else will have to step up and help out or have my mom move in with them. My sister is such a f*** selfish, lazy ass. She said that she didn't want to, that it would have to be on our other sister or our mom should move into assisted living. Well, my mom doesn't have the type of money for assisted living. Also, I think that, considering all that our mother has done for her, my sister should be willing to help out. I told her this and also told her that if no one in the family helps, should the time arise, I will never talk to them again. I mean it, too. She is such a loser and has done nothing to contribute.
- Lori Anderson
sounds just like my family.. right down to the 8 siblings
- Cyberwarrior
You need to realize that there is a war declared on you by your brother and his wife. The sooner you realize that and take action based on that the better off your mother will be. I have realized that for myself here at home and since taking the stronger and (even violent) stance I now can protect my mother and have secured power of attorney. I did not have it until october 26th, and there was a threat made to me that my brother Enrique would try to have me removed from the house (I am the main care provider) because I defended myself against his assault! But now he cannot do anything, we are on equal footing. And further, I was able to get a change made to the trust that states that my brother Enrique's abusive girlfriend Regine is barred from coming to my mother's property during my mother's lifetime and after her death regardless if she marries my brother Enrique. I can use law enforcement to enforce that, or direct violence if she somehow enters the house and refuses to leave.
I hope you don't have to go there, but you need to be prepared to face even violent resistance from your brother. And you have no idea what story he has told his neighbors and anyone in authority in town about you. Take whatever legal information you can bring with you from the UK that proves you cared for your mother before, including the list of her medications from her previous doctors. I wish you luck, I sure know I wish I had done things more aggressively from the beginning even though that is not at all in my nature. But looking back I see that not reacting sternly and strongly from the start only made my brother and other negative entities in my family even bolder. Now they know I am on the defensive and they cannot act with impunity.
- jenny Foster
Thanks for that. I have written by registered post to suggest some kind of mediation but I am being completely blanked. I fear for my mother's future and fear that she will be in a home before long. She does not speak the language so cannot communicate. I plan to visit soon but am fearful that my brother will resort to violence as he has a history of it…
- jenny Foster
Thanks..we live in the UK by the way…I am going to try and see mum next week tho we have not had any contact for three months. This time I am just going to turn up! I have written to the local marie and her doctor but that has not apparently helped…earlier in the summer mum's phone was cut off before I could tell her I was going to be away. I emailed my brother begging him to tell her I would be out of contact. I returned to 15 plaintive messages as she was distraught that she could not reach me. When I phoned she told me that my sister in law had told her an email was received from me but that she never opened them. So cruel.
- Cyberwarrior
I totally understand how you feel. I too have given up a life to care for my elderly parents. My father passed but I ended up leaving a good job to care for him in his last year. My mother was OK back then but now she's not and I am the main provider. Only one other sibling helps but he's useless when it comes to policing / dealing with the other family members who cause more problems than help. (see my other post) I ended up getting into a violent altercation with one of my older brothers who assaulted me after I called to his attention that he let our mother sit in urine and feces for 20 minutes while he was talking on his cell phone during his 'shift'… Well, I fought back and beat him up when he thought he would beat me up because I was exhausted from caring for our mother nonstop for days and nights… And I made it clear that if he ever does anything like that again to me I will make him wish he was dead!
Sometimes violence is called for against your siblings! Especially when they abuse the elders, financially, emotionally or physically! Sadly, your mother might need to go into a residential care center. There is a point when you can no longer keep things going. I see that time coming and though I am going to fight the good fight for as long as I can, I know that the day will come when my mom needs more care than I can provide and I already know that no one else in the family will lift a finger. Joe will for a while, but he lives three states away and only comes out for a few weeks or a month or two at a time.
I already know that after my mom passes I will never speak with anyone in my family (except maybe Joe) again and that's fine with me. After what I have seen happen in my family with my mom's illnesses, it's very clear that they are only out for themselves (with the exception of Joe, the oldest). I am the youngest child in the family of 7 siblings, one of whom died a few years ago. So there are 6 of us and only 2 do anything to help.
- Cyberwarrior
Wow… You need to contact the French Embassy in the US and voice these concerns, as well as talk with their version of Adult protective services. Barring that, read my post. I had to deal violently with one of my brothers who did some rather horrid things to our mom. Don't be afraid of him, get in his face and carry pepper gel with you. Check on how legal it is in France (I think it is, but verify that) and if he gets violent a nice spray of pepper gel to his face and eyes will bring him down. Then explain to the police that he assaulted you, you defended yourself, and he and his wife have been abusing your mother. Otherwise, if you don't do anything, the longer they have access to her finances the faster she will be left with nothing and then they'll probably just dump her in some nursing home somewhere.
- Cyberwarrior
Wow, your situation sounds similar to mine in some ways. But I confronted my brother and he assaulted me, then I beat his face into the floor and after that he's left our mom alone plus I have no qualms about using whatever level of violence against him or anyone that threatens my mom's health and safety. These siblings you and others write about are abusive and they deserve to be deal with violently.
- Cyberwarrior
Read my post Jean… You need to do what I did with my brother who put our mom in harms way… Beat the F-ing crap out of him!
- Cyberwarrior
That's very sad Sharon, but it really sounds like you need to set up a revocable trust and definitely set up your will / living will and medical directives now while you can – hopefully you have already. Otherwise you will be at the mercy of the worst of your children and you can see my other post as to what my mother has had to endure at the hands of one of my older brothers who I ultimately had to put in his place violently after he assaulted me when I confronted him about being abusive to our mother.
You need to do what you need to do to protect yourself – family get togethers change over the years. They are not little boys and girls anymore, they are grown men and women and they make their own decisions. It is difficult, and in my mother's deliriums during and after her four most recent hospitalizations my brother Joe and I saw how she has lamented many things regarding some of my brothers and sisters and the horrible choices they have made in their lives (drug / alcohol addictions, divorces, etc), but there is nothing you can do about that. You gave them the best guidance you could and they have to make their own lives.
Speak to a good attorney who deals with this and get your affairs in order while you are capable and cognizant and make sure you have made contact with adult services in your county / state so that you have a social worker you can contact or who will check on you from time to time.
I hate to say it this way but you cannot trust that everyone in your family will do what is in your best interest.
- Cyberwarrior
Hold your ground Anne – and tell them to go F off… Or let me know and I will do so… I had to beat up my brother over how he was treating our mother and how he let her sit in her own feces and urine despite her calling out to him for over 20 minutes (read my post above). I have no regrets for beating my brother up, although he was the one who assaulted me first right after I had spent the time to clean up my mom and make sure she was OK. Your mother's house is her house, it is her money. That is the fight that we are in right now here and it's a difficult one. My mother is still coherent enough to make her own decisions but in time she's going to need the equity of the house to live on as my family refuses to cooperate financially to help our mother. Make sure you are the only one with POA and set up cameras in the house for your mother if she lives alone in her own house. Your brother and his wife will ultimately try to get her to sign things she won't understand. Plus, the internet / wireless cameras are great to see how she is doing, just like the modern baby monitors.
I would rather my brother Enrique despise me than allow him to continue to abuse my mother emotionally or put her health at risk repeatedly.
- Cyberwarrior
One of my brothers continuously failed to keep his promises regarding helping care for our mother. He failed to show up some days and other days showed up late and then wanted to leave early. This created a lot of extra stress to the few of us who were doing all the work helping our mom. This brother also insisted on handling our mother's Medi-Cal application since he is a social worker working for the county in adoptions and was supposedly familiar with county protocol for this kind of application. This went on for months while our mother was in and out of the hospital and her abilities to care for herself were reduced to zero.
This brother (Enrique) also exposed our mother to danger on a repeated basis, taking her on outings she could not handle, making her walk to the point of exhaustion during his time to care for her and then leaving me or my brother Joe to deal with the repercussions. Enrique also exposed her to exterior threats when she was medically fragile, leaving her in the care of his abusive girlfriend while he took naps during the 3 or 4 hours of time he was supposed to watch our mom once or twice a week, and many other things that we discovered over time. Three of the four hospitalizations our mother had were directly related to this brother's actions.
Then on July 4th, 2015 after a particularly difficult night where I and my oldest brother cared for our mother at her home and I was up until after 4am, the brother who caused many problems had come to care for our mother to give us some 'respite'. My mother had made it clear that she didn't want his girlfriend over anymore and that brother had said he would no longer help if he could not bring his girlfriend over any time he wished. So it was a surprise he was over. I was dead asleep after the difficult night. I woke to the repeated sounding of the call alarm that our mother had. At first it was as if I was in a dream. I don't know how long it took me to wake up but finally I realized that the alarm was sounding for a long time and no one was responding to it. My oldest brother (Joe) was always good about answering the call quickly. Finally I got up, found the call box far in the kitchen and then went to my mother to see what she needed.
She was lying in her own feces and urine, crying in bed. She said she had been pushing the button for a long time and had needed help to go to the bathroom but no one came. I cleaned her and took care of the mess and then asked her where Joe had gone. She told me that Enrique (the neglectful/abusive brother) was there to care for her. After taking care of her I looked outside and saw Enrique far in the backyard talking on his cell phone. I opened the back door and shouted out to him and motioned to the call box alarm in my hand. He kept talking on the phone and waved his hand abruptly at me in an offensive gesture and turned his back towards me and continued his phone conversation. I then went to the kitchen to get something cold to drink.
He came in through the garage door that connects to the kitchen and started cussing and shouting at me for interrupting his phone call and I asked him why he didn't take the call box with him and that our mom had soiled herself and needed help. He shoved me against the stove and began striking me in the stomach several times and using his shoes to stomp on my bare feet. I held his arms and we wrestled and I shoved him back and I ultimately threw him to the floor and punched him in the face five times, in rapid succession. I told him that the next time he laid a hand on me I would 'F him up'. I was still in my pajamas as I had gotten up from a deep sleep and was still quite tired, but this was over the top and I did what our father would have done had he still been alive and witnessed what I witnessed being done to our mother.
After this my brother Enrique stopped causing direct problems to our mother and sees her briefly once a week by himself as he knows the next time he does something that affects her badly I will take action. He can no longer emotionally or physically abuse our mother with impunity.
Our mother dramatically improved after this. There were no more hospitalizations or crises as a result of Enrique's actions. However, Enrique had let her Medi-Cal application fail and only through some superheroic actions on my part did it get fixed, but not before I ended up losing 126 days of payment for In Home Support Services that I was due. I have been advised by an attorney friend that I can sue this brother for damages for being negligent and it may also have been done in retaliation for defending myself and putting him in his place (he assaulted me and there has never ever been an act of family violence such as this between us), but I am hoping to 'encourage' him to pay me without the civil lawsuit as I have some information about his violent girlfriend that would make his life quite unpleasant.
These last months have been the worst I have ever seen in terms of how horribly my family can act. As horrible as Enrique has acted, the rest of the family has, by their inaction, only encouraged his behavior. I have been the one constant in caring for our mother. I also cared for our father in his last years, but he died after just two years of his illness. I have seen what my brother Enrique truly is. I always loved and looked up to my older brother Enrique. But now I only have a deep, seething hatred and distrust of him. After my mom dies I hope to never have any contact with Enrique, and even before she goes my contact with him will be quite limited.
If any of you have a brother or sister that behaves this way and you truly love your elder, take matters into your own hands and use violence. Violence in the face of violence is not violence, it is intelligence! And in my situation it was the correct solution to the problem and I have no regrets! There are some situations where it is called for and you must not be afraid to take that step. My mother has her life back now because of what I did on July 4th, 2015. It was her Independence Day.
- SidneyMartin
I have to deal with this garbage as well. Nothing I can do about it. I am hoping my parents outlive their savings so there is nothing left.
- SidneyMartin
Yes…this is happening to me and my brothers and sisters as well. The difference is I could care less. My goal is my parents. My six siblings can visit if they want or move away if they want. The damage is so deep there is no coming back from it and that's ok.
- SidneyMartin
Being the primary care taker is beyond exhausting, and can truly suck the life out of you.
I have read more horror stories about families that break up over this. The arguments, unhappy moms and dads, lack of income, etc….the stories are endless.
My greatest suggestion to everyone out there is this….Don't let this happen to you!! PLAN, PLAN, PLAN for your old age! Save, Save, Save!!
Make sure your own children are not faced with the horrors you have been faced with. Accept that maybe you shouldn't be living on 10 acres of land in the middle of no where at the age of 80 and expect people to come running every time you need something and get all bent out of shape because they dare to have a tight schedule and can't come running!
Accept the fact that once you reach a certain age things are going to stop working. Accept the fact that there isn't a pill for every problem. Dont' be unreasonable about change! Don't be stubborn and cause your children heartache and worry!
And DOWNSIZE for crying out loud! It's just stuff folks. Don't leave a mess for your kids to take care of. It's really not fair. They will resent you believe me!
Stop thinking that someone in the family wants your collections. They may not. Find a place (while you can!) where you KNOW it will be loved and appreciated even if this person is not related to you.
Have some control in this!
Once you reach your mid-upper 60s…get a living trust going. Have some plan for the next 20 years.
Anyway, that is my two cents for the next generation.
Good luck!
- yourname
YOU moved HER! You inconvenienced the entire family, yet expect them to go out of their way to travel to visit their mother who was nearby (until YOU changed that). Have you seen the cost of gas these days? Countless people are suffering financially – you took their mother away, not the other way around!
- caitlinburm
Hi Jenny,
We are so sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are going through trying to care for your mother. We have additional resources: a "Guide to Elder Care Planning and Family Meetings," that you may find helpful to you and your family to plan and make appropriate choices for your mother's care during this time.
You can find the resource below:
We will be thinking of you and are wishing your family the best.
- jenny Foster
How does this discussion happen? Will I get responses to my post?
- jenny Foster
My brother persuaded me that my mum would be better off living in a house she could buy next door to him in France. He promised a wonderful life for her and drew a nice picture of extended family holidays. I was to spend time there helping to take care of her. To do this she handed over complete control of her finances. As soon as she was there, he and his wife became extremely unpleasant and refuse any contact with me..emails, calls go unanswered. They have completely ignored me when I have been there and have gone away and left her alone when the promise had been that I would be there when they were away. She is completely isolated..cannot get out of her house unaided, my brother calls in briefly night and morning. A short trip to the supermarket once a week. She rarely gets through the door of their house. My mother and I are completely traumatised by the situation, she fears my visiting because of his bullying behavour and we have gradually lost all contact. Any advice?
- ltcajh
Hmm, I live 1100 miles from my mom. I'm the oldest of eight. I just "disfellowshipped" three of my siblings, and it causes great pain to me. Why? Mom is in the hospital, and only one other of us eight has called her. I planned to drive there to help her, but she said "no". My sister who called her won't go to the hospital because of diseases there. One sister and two brothers have very hard hearts, and massive unforgiveness and selfishness. They will not see her, and they will not call her. They have broken the Commandment to honor their father and mother. After years of this crap and nonsense I called them on the carpet. They aren't budging. I said a painful "adios" to them, except for major family functions. I told them I lost all respect for them. They'd rather have me go across the country, than make the minor trip to go see her. "Your mother" is what I've heard for years. This is going to come to a screeching halt.
- ann
My sister and her family was angry with me and my 86 Yr. old Father for ten years. At the time my Father remarried after my Mother's death and was with his new wife (my stepmother) for 20+ years. My Father had recently listed his home for sale and they moved into an assisted living facility. Shortly before my step mother's death, my sister and her family came back into their lives. They basically took over, became guarantors, and bought my Father's home for his future residence. I could not reach my Father during this time because he had moved and my sister was still not speaking to me. Eventually, my brother gave me my Father's phone number. My Father felt uncomfortable because my sister was helping so much and we only spoke a few times. My Stepmother died, and my sister told my Father that I could go to the funeral but not the after luncheon. I had three step brothers that flew to Florida for the funeral. I lived only a two hour drive away. My Father was upset already about the loss of his wife, and hated telling me my sister's wishes. I chose not to attend the funeral because I couldn't explain to the rest of the family why I wasn't able to go to the luncheon. Later, I wrote a letter to my sister and she didn't respond. I tried my Father's phone and he was no longer there. I didn't have a phone number for my sister either. I searched for three months to find my Father. My Brother wouldn't respond because he didn't want to get in the middle. I , at the time knew nothing about my sister taking over and buying his house. I started reaching out to my aunts and found out that my Dad was living with my sister, also in Florida, and ill. All I was given was his cell phone. By this time my sister took him to the ER and he was admitted. I knew my sister would be at the hospital and she would not want me there and make it uncomfortable for my Father. When I called his room she was there, and he would be scared and say " I have company now". I decided she wasn't going to keep me from my now, dying, Father, and went to the hospital to visit. This was only five months after my Step Mother died. My sister couldn't have been nicer and supportive. I was shocked. My father looked gravely ill and I couldn't understand why he deteriorated so much since I last saw him. Found out my sister bought his house and he moved back alone! I don't work and could have easily gone to his house to watch over him and make sure his medical needs were met. He was not doing well on his own. Instead of taking him for medical care, she took him to her house and neglected his care. This course of events was unknown to me until I saw my sister at the hospital. I reconciled for the sake of my Father. He was thrilled to see us happy together. We tried everything to give him the will to live and it worked. Until, my sister began making more wrong decisions, leaving me out, and let him die in hospice. We still communicate, but I have to attend counseling due to my anger against my sister and her husband. I had less then a month with him before he died.
- Santos Rolon jr.
Thank You. I Too Care for my father who has partial dementia and diebetes. his property is sitting on a hill in PR and I must do something about it. His sisteroldest one is giving some slaxk. I will back off think and then respond. May be by not speaking to them about my decisions with Dad. I do have poa. They can speak with Dad. but my business with my Dad since i am the only child. Is my businss. I care for hime 24/7…
- Nancy
I don't blame you one bit! I am having thoughts about doing the same thing. My situation is very similar to yours, except my brother doesn't live here with my mom. He lives at my place, which I had no choice but to have him move there, because it cannot be unoccupied due to the fact that I have a few pets that can't come here to mom's because there are also a few pets here as well! This all began 6+ years ago after my dad passed suddenly/unexpectedly from Dr./hospital neglect. She went downhill fast health wise. He is 60 years old (she's 82, I'm 51). He mooches money off of her all the time, is a thief, and a habitual liar. He doesn't treat her the nicest, and doesn't come around to help us out with anything here as promised (the house, everything is going to hell), but as soon as he needs something, he's right here, and nice as can be to her. I'm her sole caregiver, and I'm disabled, not totally, with my Rheumatoid Arthritis and asthma, so she and I really don't have anyone else to help with odds and ends, like handyman things, etc. She enables him terribly, and I find myself resenting her more & more, but if I were to leave, she would be all alone, which she can't be. I'm stuck, and so confused. ..ooh, and so angry!
- Sherman
I have a brother and a sister and neither of them helped me care for my mother when she was stricken with Alzheimer's at a relatively young age. They had plenty of excuses. I never considered my mom a burden but when you care for a parent full time you don't go to work and cannot even afford a haircut. The least a sibling can do is send you money.
- Laura Lang
I look after both my parents, my mom has Parkinson's and my dad is legally blind though both of them are quite mobile and fairly healthy. I took them to live with me over 2 years ago. While I was glad to be apart of their lives at this time for them, I was a little disappointed with my siblings who have no regard or respect for all that I do. I also work full time. My daughters are grown, finished school and doing well but they also need me. I feel like I've been not only abandoned by my siblings with regard to some respite but because of their absence, I don't feel supported. One would also think that it might be good to spend some time with your parents in the final years. It's quite disheartening. I don't want to become bitter and angry about this. I just need to get my head around it so I can move on.
- Jean Blake
Well, here is a good one….and I am so angry I decided to walk away from everyone. I have been dealing with my mom who was in the hospital with pneumonia, copd and so on. My 42 year old lazy brother who won't lift a finger to help her has lived with her for the last 10 years. He has never held a job his whole life. He is NOT disabled. My mom cooks for him, does his laundry, mows the lawn, shovels the snow, takes out the garbage and does ALL housework. She has asked for him to help and he refuses. He now controls the living room playing his video games and smoking his 5 packs of cigs a day. The walls, furniture, beds, clothes in the place reek of smoke and the walls drip of nicotine. They are both heavy smokers. Last Tuesday I get a call from my mom that she is having a hard time breathing. I call her dr right away. Dr. says NOT to call 911 yet until she has talked to her. I get to her home in 5 minutes. Walking in the door the phone is ringing, I get to it to late, my brother is standing in kitchen, and my mom is laying on couch blue/gray in a fetal position. I immediately call 911. Later I find out my mom crawled from her room to living room where my brother was since she was too weak to walk, he did not call 911. I find out she asked him to call me he would not so she then again got to the phone on her own to call me. AND, when doctors tried and tried to call he did not answer. So, while in hospital she quit smoking or she would be dead within the month. She is not over the hurdle yet. So I decided it would be best to move her into another place, non smoking. Found a place near everyone. She agreed until my lazy brother called he and claimed he could not live without her. Everything I worked on to get her into this place was just thrown out the window. My mom is an enabler with my brother. She is 80 and still has her wits about her, so services cannot help me unless she agrees to it. So I can no longer watch how her living situation is with him,nor can I watch her die. I have never disliked anyone more than this 42 year old man who cares only about his needs and no one else. I tried for years to help. Now this. I am done.
- Vivian Duran
I have told both my siblings to get lost. I have been the sole caregiver for our mother for six years. In six years neither on of them ever took the time to come and give me a break. They went on vacations and spent money on expensive "things" but never called to say hey Sis, I am taking a week off to come and stay with mom and give you a break. Now my mom lives with me and it was better for me to just let my siblings go. It has helped not knowing what they are doing as they lead their carefree lives. Our mother wants her trust split 3 ways which I feel is very unfair since I have been doing all the caregiving. I will abide by her wishes, as I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't. I wonder if my siblings feel any guilt?
- Donna G Harris
I have been caring for my 97 year old mother for 15 years. I came with nothing and if my siblings have anything to do with it I will leave with nothing. I am at the point where I don't care anymore. We go weeks without seeing or hearing from my 2 sisters who live 5 min away. They are busy with their lives. It's just mom and I. In their eyes I have a FREE life. I take care of the big yard alone. No one offers to help. I totally care for mom alone and no one offers to help. I ask for help and they tell me their schedule won't allow them to help. I sit and watch as their lives go on and they build their homes and back accounts but I have a FREE life. Yes, I am angry, hurt and a whole lot of other emotions right now. I have been to the point that I want to tell them to come go thru everything and take what they want and I will live with what is left but then I tell myself I am being sarcastic. My emotions are jumping all over the place. I have given up my children and grandchildren. My grandkids have grown up before my eyes and I don't even go for birthdays. BUT I have a FREE life. How do I not be angry???? Please tell me. and to boot it all my mother looks at them and feels like they are the ones left out. She too feels like I have a FREE life. I just don't get it. I don't get it. I don't want to feel like a martyr but I have given up my life. I have. How do I let go of these ugly feelings I have? If they don't think I have done my due diligence and they want everything then they can have it all. The stress in my life seems to suck everything out of me.
- whatever1959
i am disgusted because my parents will not even ask my brothers for help…it is assumed i will do everything. the other night, my father (almost blind) insisted that i come by early the next morning to write a check. he was very unhappy that i had a doctor's appointment of my own but i said i would be there right after the appointment. i arrived at 10am to find my younger brother was there visiting and my older brother had already been for a visit and left. my parents didn't ask either one for anything. i already know how it's going to go down when my parents pass because everything is set up to TOD to my brothers. i am disgusted beyond belief.
- mel
my mother who recently passed asked to be buried with her mother and now my father who never wanted a burial changed his mind after my mom passed a few days ago. He decided he now wants a viewing and to be buried with my mother in a double urn. I am one of 5 siblings, 2 say honor her wish to be buried with gram and 2 say bury them together. I am the deciding vote as my father says it's up to us to decide. I feel sorry for my father who wasn't the greatest husband and father but they were married for 40 years. I have just hours to make a decision, my mothers ashes are waiting for us. Any advice??
- tee
I have been living with my mother who has dementia for almost 3 years…very stressful years as her condition deteriorates. I've been forced to give up almost everything in my life. I haven't been able to work, socialize and just walking to the store has become a chore. I can't go anywhere without rushing back for fear that she's broken, lost or dismantled something in the house. Last year after her hospitalization she was in hospice and I had some home assistance for 6 months but when that ended I was the sole provider. I take her to the doctors, get groceries, fix meals, clean up her "accidents" everything and I have a so called sister in Boston who doesn't even offer to help and has the gall to call to say she has a day off. It would never occur to her to come down to the city and spend time with her mother. She hasn't been around since the half day she spent at Christmas. I had my mother in respite for a month and intend to put her in for another month until I figure out what to do now that I am returning to work. It has taken a financial toll, I have power of attorney, health proxy and do reimburse myself for her expenses since I'm the only one paying them. I will be perfectly honest and say if I could cut her out of everything which is set up to be divided evenly I would because she has contributed NOTHING but I'll bet she shows up for her part of the estate.
- vicki
Great advice from someone who is now ongoing the same situation.
- vicki
You and your daughter are to be commended for your unselfish action for your mother. I have exactly the same situation going on with my daughter and myself. I have two siblings who want nothing to do with caregiving or much to say except "I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this". They are just waiting to see if they will inherent anything after dad passes. So sad. They have nice homes out of state. My daughter has absolutely nothing. She is expecting her first child in August. I only want the best for her, nothing for myself.
- vicki
I totally know what you went through KyPerson. I am happy you have found some peace knowing that you did the right thing for your dad. I have been dealing alone with my fathers dementia. My two Sisters live out of state and have no clue as to what I have had to deal with caring for him. They have not given me any support what so ever. I also had my own daughter accuse me of being cruel and vindictive toward her grandfather. She did want to help and tried to care for him on her own. I applauded her for that. She lived with him for 3 weeks. He finally had a very scary sundowing event happen, which she had never witnessed before. She finally understood how hard it had been for me alone. Her and I have gotten much closer and agreed he needed to be placed in a home. However, my sisters still haven't helped at all, never have come to see our dad. They both ate just waiting to see if they will inherent anything. I have been feeling hurt and resentful by their attitudes. After reading your posts, I realized that this has happened in many families. Thank you so much for your story.
- KyPerson
My father was at the assisted are unit for 4 months. They took care of him (my sisters did nothing but complain), but eventually he refused to eat and drink and finally his organs simply shut down. He was in the hospital and comfortable for 3 days then peacefully slipped away. Three of my sisters are still mean and angry and scapegoating me, but none of my other siblings are (I have 8). I know I did my best and did almost all of it myself. If my sisters unbend, fine. If they don't, fine. I will not let anger and resentment eat me up.
This article offers very cogent and helpful advice. But sometimes in this situation responsible people find themselves dealing with siblings who for a variety of reasons, i.e. mental illness, despicable personalities, challenging life situations, etc. are just out and out impossible and borderline dangerous to handle. Our situation got so intense and worsened with the death of each of my husband's and my four parents, I wrote a book hoping to help others who find themselves embroiled in these unspeakably sad, no-win, situations. Tales From the Family Crypt. It's funny but bittersweet, but mostly I hope others who can relate (I'm sorry there are so many people who can!) find some comfort. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TWMKAIO
- KyPerson
I took care of my father who has dementia for three years all the time working full time. The stress was incredible. At first, I could leave him but he began to wander and get very confused to the point that he was in danger. He is in assisted living now. My sisters (who didn't help me much) are all mad. They seem to think I should have retired and become a full time caregiver. But I couldn't do it. Between work and caring for him, I was getting very close to a nervous breakdown. I am in therapy now. My daughter, who pushed me into therapy, said that she couldn't figure out why my sisters are all of a sudden ministering angels now that our father is in assisted living, when they left me to shoulder the burden along for so long. I don't know. If they don't want to talk to me – fine. I will be ready when they are. I am not going to gag myself with hate. I only know I would never treat them with such cruelty.
- KyPerson
I have been caring for my father who has dementia. My brother mows the grass. My other siblings might come by an hour a week. And the word is might. I have gone weeks without seeing them. I also work full time. My day has been to get him ready, go to work all the while praying that he is all right, then come home and care for him and pray I can get a full night's sleep then full time care on weekends.
Today he goes to assisted living. My sisters are angry and will not talk to me. They think I should have quit my job and cared full time. I could not do that. And my physical and mental health are taking a beating – my doctor said so. No dice. They are mad.
And right now, I don't care. I just don't care any more. I am too sad and tired. The old adage Walk A Mile In My Shoes applies here, but they don't get it. And I don't care anymore
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Summary: Oomura Takeshi is one unlucky fellow. He has had this case of bad luck ever since he was little. One day, while on his normal runs with bad luck, he meets an Angel named Elle, and he finds out that his father wished the curse of bad luck upon him. Takeshi has the oppurtunity to pass on the curse, but accepts it to save a young girl. For his noble act, Elle becomes human and lives with Takeshi to protect him from the curse, which is something Takeshi isn't particularly happy with. WARNING: contains some mild incest and mild sexual images


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Buka's Emergencies in Dermatology
Editors: Buka, Bobby, Uliasz, Annemarie, Krishnamurthy, Karthik (Eds.)
- Concise, portable reference for use by emergency medicine and dermatology physicians and residents
- Focuses on the most critical issues related to emergencies in dermatology
- Written by well-known and respected experts in the field of dermatology and emergency medicine
- Extensive color images
Buy this book
- eBook $74.99
price for USA (gross)
- Digitally watermarked, DRM-free
- Included format: PDF, EPUB
- ebooks can be used on all reading devices
- Immediate eBook download after purchase
- Hardcover $99.00
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- Usually dispatched within 3 to 5 business days.
- Rent the ebook
- Rental duration: 1 or 6 month
- low-cost access
- online reader with highlighting and note-making option
- can be used across all devices
- About this book
The term "dermatologic emergency" is rarely used, and a dermatologist is typically not the first physician called when a patient presents in the emergency department. However, largely under-recognized dermatoses can be life-threatening if not diagnosed and treated in a timely fashion. Buka's Emergencies in Dermatology addresses the need for a concise, portable reference that can be used by emergency medicine and dermatology physicians and residents alike.
This book, heavily illustrated with color images, proves to be especially critical if a community-based hospital does not have a dermatology department and the responsibility for initial diagnosis falls to the emergency room or critical care physician. However, since the majority of cutaneous outbreaks are not life-threatening, it is often the case that emergency department personnel are less equipped to diagnose these conditions correctly.
Buka's Emergencies in Dermatology addresses this concern and focuses on the most critical issues related to emergencies in dermatology, beginning with a general overview of the basics of critical care for dermatologic emergencies, then moving to neonatal and pediatric emergencies, infectious emergencies, drug eruptions, and HIV-AIDS-related emergencies in dermatology, just to name a few.
- About the authors
Dr. Robert Buka is the Section Chief at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine and his particular expertise is in vascular lasers, skin cancer, and acne. He speaks at the annual meeting of the American Academy of Dermatology on topics ranging from complex eczema to techniques in dermatologic surgery. His articles have been published in dermatology and plastic surgery textbooks as well as a number of medical research journals.
Dr. Uliasz is a clinical instructor of dermatology at Mount Sinai and has published numerous articles and chapters in leading dermatology journals and textbooks, and regularly presents her research at national conferences throughout the country. Dr. Uliasz specializes in both medical and cosmetic dermatology with a special interest in acne, psoriasis, and skin cancer.
Dr. Karthik Krishnamurthy Director of Dermatology at Jacobi Medical Center, Director of the Cosmetic Dermatology Clinic at Montefiore Medical Center, and Assistant Professor at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, has a special interest in academic dermatology and research. Widely published and a nationally-invited speaker, he is also the Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of the American Osteopathic College of Dermatology.
- Reviews
From the reviews:
"The book offers an outline for thinking about the differential diagnosis for serious skin diseases one would not want to miss. … The audience is emergency room physicians, dermatologists, and residents. … The color photographs are overall quite good quality. … The authors have compiled important dermatologic diseases that both dermatology residents and physicians who are not dermatologists need to be aware of. … It is a useful outline for nondermatologists and medical students and residents seeking an introduction to potential life-threatening skin conditions." (Patricia Wong, Doody's Book Reviews, May, 2013)
Table of contents (15 chapters)
Neonatal and Pediatric Dermatologic Emergencies
Pages 1-17
Infectious Emergencies in Dermatology
Pages 19-41
Drug Eruptions
Pages 43-55
Histamine-Mediated Emergencies
Pages 57-82
Cutaneous Emergencies in the HIV-Positive Patient
Pages 83-101
- Download Preface 1 PDF (70.4 KB)
- Download Sample pages 1 PDF (777.5 KB)
- Download Table of contents PDF (69.3 KB)
Buy this book
- eBook $74.99
price for USA (gross)
- Digitally watermarked, DRM-free
- Included format: PDF, EPUB
- ebooks can be used on all reading devices
- Immediate eBook download after purchase
- Hardcover $99.00
price for USA
- Free shipping for individuals worldwide
- Usually dispatched within 3 to 5 business days.
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- Rental duration: 1 or 6 month
- low-cost access
- online reader with highlighting and note-making option
- can be used across all devices
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Bibliographic Information
- Bibliographic Information
- Book Title
- Buka's Emergencies in Dermatology
- Editors
- Bobby Buka
- Annemarie Uliasz
- Karthik Krishnamurthy
- Copyright
- 2013
- Publisher
- Springer-Verlag New York
- Copyright Holder
- Springer Science+Business Media, LLC
- eBook ISBN
- 978-1-4614-5031-3
- 10.1007/978-1-4614-5031-3
- Hardcover ISBN
- 978-1-4614-5030-6
- Edition Number
- 1
- Number of Pages
- Topics


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UPSC Mains Test Series: Answer Writing Practice (AWP)
Welcome to ClearIAS UPSC Mains Test Series, which is completely free for the aspirants who participate online. UPSC Civil Services Mains examination is an entirely different platform when compared to Prelims. In the Main exam (written test), the most crucial aspect is to polish your writing skills to suit the requirements of UPSC evaluation.
UPSC Mains Test Series: Online Free Mock Tests
The two major sections are:
- Answer Writing Practice (AWP) (5 questions per day)
- Mains mocks (full-length tests for GS1, GS2, GS3 and GS4)
Note: Aspirants can click this link to browse our archives. You can write answers in the comment section. It may get reviewed by experts and peers. New mock tests for CSE Mains 2017 will be launched only later.
Browse our 30-day Answer Writing Program for UPSC CSE Mains
- 30-day answer writing program by ClearIAS for mains 2016 is completely free for all participants.
- There is no need for registration.
- You can access archives of Clear IAS Mains High-Value Answer Writing Test Series from the hyperlink. Aspirants are advised to check the model answers and feedback given for previous entries to write better answers.
- There will be 5 questions every day – one each from Essay Paper, GS1, GS2, GS3 and GS4.
- Questions for each day will be published at 8 pm.
- Our program will include both traditional topics and current affairs.
- Participants need to type their answers in the comment section corresponding to each day/question. Alternatively, aspirants can also upload their hand-written answers in a Google Drive and share the link in the respective comment section.
- ClearIAS Team, officers in service, successful candidates in previous mains, and fellow aspirants who take part in the Answer Writing Practice may comment/suggest corrections to your answers.
- Review the answers written by your fellow participants and encourage others to review yours.
- We may award marks to answers to benchmark the performance. Marks will be based evaluating the quality of the content and not the length of the answer.
- To encourage serious aspirants, 3 aspirants who write quality answers on a regular basis will be awarded Amazon gift vouchers at the end of the program which can be used to buy text books.
- At the end of the 30-day program, one full-length mock test will be conducted – each for Essay and all the GS papers. All the best! Clear IAS!
Success of UPSC Mains Test Series by ClearIAS
ClearIAS.com had run successfully the 50-day answer writing practice before UPSC CSE Mains 2014. There were lot many direct and indirect questions in the actual UPSC exam from ClearIAS Mains High Value Answer Writing Test Series. Details of questions are given below.
- UPSC Mains 2014 Essay Paper: ClearIAS.com selects it right!
- UPSC Mains 2014 GS1 Paper: 90/250 marks from ClearIAS.com
- UPSC Mains 2014 GS2 Paper: 150/250 marks from ClearIAS.com
- UPSC Mains 2014 GS3 Paper: 125/250 marks from ClearIAS.com
- UPSC Mains 2014 GS4 Paper: 70/250 marks from ClearIAS.com
What matters is not your knowledge, but how well you perform in the Exam hall!
Irrespective your degrees, knowledge and skills what speaks about you in a UPSC mains exam is your answer sheet. The examiner does not know you; he has access to only your answer booklet and nothing else, and he evaluates each candidate based on what is presented in the answer sheet. So it is extremely important to frame your answers in the most impressive way, within the prescribed time limit. Knowledge about framing high quality answers in mains exam is necessary to make your answer sheets stand out.
Proper answer writing practice, good understanding of the latest UPSC syllabus and familiarity of current topics are important prerequisites of clearing IAS mains in flying colors. It is with this aim of equipping aspirants with the latest requirements of UPSC mains exam we launched our UPSC Mains Test Series. At the moment, this test series are free online mocks which focus on answer writing practice. All the best!


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Disclaimer: Jenny's not mine, the show NCIS belongs to CBS while the real thing belongs to the Navy. Paula is mine, DESI is mine, the crossover mix in this story is mine though its parts are not.
Chapter 1 – And Your Next Assignment Is…: NCIS Special Agent Jennifer Shepard drove through midday Washington D.C. traffic with some trepidation. It had been years since she'd had a stateside job. Her area of expertise involved overseas ops, particularly undercover. So why did Director Morrow want her for a U.S. job?
She didn't know, and the director had been unforthcoming on the phone. He'd just told her to postpone her latest op, catch a flight from Berlin, and be at headquarters at 1330, so here she was, pulling into the Navy Yard, and still totally clueless as to why she was there.
She was about to get out of the car when she spotted two male agents headed for a car and froze. She recognized the silver-haired man in the lead, though the brunet man behind him with the cocky swagger was a stranger. She didn't give a damn about the dark haired man. Her eyes were fixed on the one in front, the man she knew all too well. Jethro…
It was stupid to freeze, as though she were afraid to face him again. She wasn't, not really, though it had been just over a year since she'd left him in Paris with nothing more than a Dear John letter. It wasn't fear; it was… prudence, that was all. She was well aware they'd probably meet again one day, but it was perfectly logical for her to want to hold off on that meeting for as long as possible, wasn't it?
After Jethro and his young partner had left, Jenny got out of the car and strode into the NCIS building, her confident movements hiding any leftover traces of her reaction to the sight of her ex-lover. It wouldn't do for anyone to think she was shaken by anything, even if they'd have no way to know what the problem was.
When she reached the outer area of the Director's office, his secretary waved her in. "He's expecting you, Agent Shepard," she said pleasantly. Jenny nodded and walked into the main office.
"Ah, hello Jenny," Morrow said pleasantly, looking up from his paperwork. "Have a seat." Jenny complied, barely managing not to start asking questions then and there.
"I imagine you're wondering why you're here."
"Yes, sir, I am. Domestic operations aren't exactly my area of expertise."
"No, they're not. But this isn't your average domestic operation. I need someone who has skills in the field but is also good at diplomacy and politics. You've proven yourself to have those qualities."
Jenny nodded, though she was still confused. "I see. Can I ask what I'll be doing?"
"I have no idea."
"You're going to be working with DESI." He said that as though the statement was explanation enough, and in some ways it was. Most people who worked for one of the armed federal agencies had heard of DESI. If NCIS was the poor country cousin of the FBI and CIA, DESI was the mad aunt no one ever discussed.
Everyone knew the name, or at least the initials. What did they stand for? No one could say, just like they couldn't say what DESI did. All anyone knew was that every now and then, some agency would pick up a case that was… unusual, and suddenly DESI would swoop in and take over. No agency to date had ever gotten any of those cases back – not even the CIA.
"I didn't think DESI let other agencies in on their investigations."
"Usually they don't, but a man they haven't taken down yet just murdered a Marine."
"Why didn't they get him?"
"Apparently they were just tailing him, trying to use him to take down a suspected larger group of rogues."
"Yeah. He's one of them, or he was. They wanted him to lead them to others, but he's been killing for the past month. Now that he's killed a Marine, we've got enough bargaining power to slow them down, at least. Their director, James Hasling, doesn't want that, so he suggested a compromise. One NCIS agent goes undercover with one DESI agent, while another DESI agent acts as the contact."
"And I'm the NCIS agent."
"Yes. And I'm afraid that's all I can tell you."
Jenny didn't try to keep the surprise off her face. "Sir?"
"I don't know anything else, Agent Shepard. I wish I did, but Hasling's done all the cooperating he can stomach, apparently."
Jenny nodded. "So, are they coming here?"
"No, you're going there. Apparently someone's waiting outside to take you there."
"You're kidding, right?"
"No, they're being extremely paranoid. Good luck, Agent Shepard."
It was clearly a dismissal, and Jenny took it as such. She left the office and then the building, looking around for the person who was supposed to take her to the DESI headquarters. This really was ridiculous. What were they so afraid of?
"Are you Jennifer Shepard?" asked someone from behind her. Jenny turned to see a young woman about her height, dressed in unrelieved black, with hair a slightly darker red than Jenny's own. Jenny would have guessed her age at twenty or so, though the wraparound sunglasses the stranger wore made it hard to say for certain.
"Who are you?"
"DESI Special Agent Paula Ravenwood," she said, holding out a hand sheathed in a black cotton glove. "We're to be working together, from what I've been told."
"Aren't you a little young to be an agent?" Jenny asked, taking the offered hand.
"DESI recruits young. Like the military. One of my best friends is a Marine, so I know." She smiled. "We need to get going, Agent Shepard," she said, gesturing to a two-door silver car a few yards away.
Jenny could hear a hint of a British accent in Ravenwood's voice, but she didn't ask about it. She didn't ask her companion – or partner, if the girl was to be believed – anything as she slid into the front passenger seat and Ravenwood drove them off. She stayed silent, thinking things through. She didn't know enough yet, but she hoped that would change soon. And she really hoped this girl wasn't her partner. She was a probie, for God's sake, or whatever DESI called new agents. Even she hadn't been this green when she'd started her undercover work.
Paula Ravenwood would have known what Shepard was thinking just from the look in her eyes. A lot of people made that mistake about her, equating age with inexperience. Usually it was fine, even useful; when people underestimated you, you could use that. But when the person underestimating you was someone you were supposed to be working with, it was just annoying. Granted, there was very little she could do about it, except prove the older woman wrong. And she could do that.
A/N: Sorry, Gibbs and his partner (it was Tony, if you didn't guess) won't be coming into this story, though Gibbs will possibly appear in flashbacks. I just couldn't help but slip them in.


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By Sue Kirchhoff, USA TODAY
WASHINGTON Nobel Prize-winning economist Milton Friedman, an outspoken advocate of free markets and free choice, adviser to presidents and best-selling author, died Thursday. He was 94.
Often described as one of the most influential economists of the last century, Friedman died of heart failure in San Francisco.
"I am deeply saddened at the passing of Milton Friedman. He had been a fixture in my life both professionally and personally for a half century. My world will not be the same," said former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan.
ON DEADLINE: Speeches, lectures and more from Friedman
Current Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke in a speech on Friedman's 90th birthday called him an economic scholar without peer.
"In his humane and engaging way, Milton Friedman has conveyed to millions an understanding of the economic benefits of free, competitive markets, as well as the close connection that economic freedoms ... bear to other types of liberty," Bernanke said.
Friedman led the Chicago School of monetary economics, which stresses the the importance of the money supply in determining inflation and business cycles. He was instrumental, along with 2006 Nobel winner Edmund Phelps, in promoting the view that there is not a sustainable long-run tradeoff between inflation and unemployment. Instead, allowing a rise in inflation to boost employment could result in higher price pressures and stagnant job growth.
Nariman Behravesh of Global Insight says Friedman correctly predicted the rise of inflation in the 1960s and 1970s, a development many other economists missed.
Friedman, along with co-author Anna Schwartz, helped reshape understanding of the Great Depression by illuminating the role played by misguided central bank policy.
In addition to his scholarly work, Friedman wrote extensively on public policy, including a column in Newsweek magazine. Among his best known popular works is Free to Choose, which became the best-selling non-fiction book of 1980. It was written with his wife, Rose, to accompany a 10-part public television series.
Friedman advocated greater school choice via vouchers, and set up the Milton and Rose D. Friedman Foundation to promote those policies. He was an opponent of the military draft and his work on the President's Commission on an All-Volunteer Force was a major factor in ending conscription in 1973.
Winner of the 1976 Nobel Prize for economics, Friedman had been a senior research fellow at Stanford University's Hoover Institution since 1977. He was a professor at the University of Chicago from 1946-1976, won the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1988 and the National Medal of Science that same year. He won the John Bates Clark Medal for outstanding economist under age 40 in 1951.
Friedman, born in 1912, grew up the son of Eastern European immigrants in a working class family in New Jersey. After his father died during Friedman's senior year in high school, he paid his way through Rutgers University with a scholarship and series of odd jobs. He considered majoring in math and becoming an actuary, but turned to economics.
Friedman worked on tax policy in World War II, helping develop the payroll withholding tax (which he later said he would like to abolish). He also worked as a mathematical statistician looking at weapon design and military tactics. After the war he was briefly posted to Paris helping administer the Marshall Plan for the reconstruction of Europe, where he said in an autobiography he became interested in floating currency exchange rates.
Friedman was an informal adviser to conservative Arizona Sen. Barry Goldwater in his unsuccessful 1964 presidential run, and later advised Presidents Nixon and Reagan.
In a 2002 tribute to Friedman, President Bush noted that Friedman's free market ideas have been adopted in many countries including Russia and China. "These are extraordinary developments," Bush said. "They demonstrate that the rest of the world is finally catching up with Milton Friedman."
Friedman received a bachelor of arts from Rutgers in 1932, a masters from the University of Chicago in 1933 and a Ph.D. from Columbia University in 1946.
In an autobiography written when he won his Nobel, Friedman talked of meeting his wife as a "shy, withdrawn, lovely, and extremely bright fellow economics student" while doing graduate work at the University of Chicago. She became a partner in his professional work and survives him.


text:
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text:
ACADEMIC EMERGENCY MEDICINE 2011; 18:988–1000 © 2011 by the Society for Academic Emergency Medicine
Risk Adjustment Measures and Outcome Measures for Prehospital Trauma Research: Recommendations from the Emergency Medical Services Outcomes Project (EMSOP)
Supported, in part, by US Department of Transportation, National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (Cooperative Agreement No. DTNH22-96-H-05245)
The authors have no relevant financial information or potential conflicts of interest to disclose.
Supervising Editor: Shahriar Zehtabchi, MD.
and reprints: Daniel L. Beskind, MD; e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.com.
Objectives: The objectives were to conduct a comprehensive, systematic review of the literature for risk adjustment measures (RAMs) and outcome measures (OMs) for prehospital trauma research and to use a structured expert panel process to recommend measures for use in future emergency medical services (EMS) trauma outcomes research.
Methods: A systematic literature search and review was performed identifying the published studies evaluating RAMs and OMs for prehospital injury research. An explicit structured review of all articles pertaining to each measure was conducted using the previously established methodology developed by the Canadian Physiotherapy Association ("Physical Rehabilitation Outcome Measures").
Results: Among the 4,885 articles reviewed, 96 RAMs and/or OMs were identified from the existing literature (January 1958 to February 2010). Only one measure, the Glasgow Coma Scale (GCS), currently meets Level 1 quality of evidence status and a Category 1 (strong) recommendation for use in EMS trauma research. Twelve RAMs or OMs received Category 2 status (promising, but not sufficient current evidence to strongly recommend), including the motor component of GCS, simplified motor score (SMS), the simplified verbal score (SVS), the revised trauma score (RTS), the prehospital index (PHI), EMS provider judgment, the revised trauma index (RTI), the rapid acute physiology score (RAPS), the rapid emergency medicine score (REMS), the field trauma triage (FTT), the pediatric triage rule, and the out-of-hospital decision rule for pediatrics.
Conclusions: Using a previously published process, a structured literature review, and consensus expert panel opinion, only the GCS can currently be firmly recommended as a specific RAM or OM for prehospital trauma research (along with core measures that have already been established and published). This effort highlights the paucity of reliable, validated RAMs and OMs currently available for outcomes research in the prehospital setting and hopefully will encourage additional, methodologically sound evaluations of the promising, Category 2 RAMs and OMs, as well as the development of new measures.


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is back-ordered. We will ship it separately in 10 to 15 days.
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|<< Previous book
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Are You My Daddy?(1998)
(A book in the Fabulous Fathers series)
A novel by Leanna Wilson
Genre: Romance
Used availability for Leanna Wilson's Are You My Daddy?
See all available used copies of this book at Abebooks UK or Abebooks US
Paperback Editions
October 1998 : UK Mass Market Paperback
|Title: Are You My Daddy? (Silhouette Romance)
Author(s): Leanna Wilson
ISBN: 0-373-19331-9 / 978-0-373-19331-8 (UK edition)
Publisher: Harlequin Books (Mm)
Availability: Amazon Amazon UK Amazon CA
Genre Pages


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- Doctors
- California
- Campbell
- Ophthalmologists
- Dr. Anita Breckenridge
You may also like
Ratings for Dr. Anita Breckenridge
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Dr. Breckenridge and her staff are great. I felt very comfortable throughout my visit. I have been referring her to my friends. She's very thorough and efficient with her time.
Very helpful and kind staff in friendly office. Doctors were all patient and thorough in the care of my daughter.
Dr. B is remarkable! I sent her a cellphone photo of my young niece's eye . Something was growing below her left eye. Dr. B knew exactly what it was & explained in detail what to do. My sister took my niece to the eye doc in our state & removed the growth immediately! We miss Dr. B. here! Very knowledgeable & great with children!
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my 5 year old daughter was referred here by her pediatrician to check for vision problems. we had a wonderful office experience and my daughter is doing great with her new glasses.
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About the Book
These are the things that happened in Summer 2013.
Author website
Features & Details
- Category Arts & Photography
Large Square, 12×12 in, 30×30 cm
130 Pages
- Publish Date Jul 26, 2013
- Language English
- Tags photography, 2013, summer, art, the things that happened, andrew hao photography
See More
About the Creator
Andrew Hao
Los Angeles, CA
Andrew is a design-minded developer who likes to write about things that matter. And take pictures.
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|Saint Jutta
|1200, Sangerhausen, Thuringia
|1260, Kulmsee, Prussia
|Venerated in
|Roman Catholic Church
|5 May
Saint Jutta or Saint Judith or Jutta of Kulmsee or Jutta of Sangerhausen or Jutta of Thuringia (born c. 1200 at Sangerhausen in Thuringia (now Sachsen-Anhalt); d. 1260 at Kulmsee, Prussia (now Chełmża, Kuyavian-Pomeranian Voivodeship) was a Prussian anchoress and saint.
She imitated the life of Elizabeth of Hungary, who was the Duchess of Thuringia during her lifetime, and is also a canonized saint. She was married at the age of fifteen to a nobleman and bore children by him. She convinced her husband of, and raised her children in, a contemplative and mystical form of Christianity. He died (while they were on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, and Jutta became a single mother. Each child eventually entered a monastery or convent upon reaching a suitable age, and this left Jutta able to pursue a more austere religious way of life.
She gave away or sold her property and lived the rest of her life in contemplation and in caring for the poor and the sick. She chose as her base a derelict building at Bildschön (now Bielyczny), near Kulmsee in Prussia, in the area governed by the Teutonic Knights, whose Grand Master, Anno von Sangershausen, was a relative of hers. There the knights sheltered her. Visitors came to her to receive counsel and prayers, and she quickly established a reputation as a saint. She said that there were three things that can bring one near to God: painful sickness, exile from home, and poverty voluntarily accepted for God. Living on the frontier of Christian Europe, she dedicated her final days to praying for the non-Christian population of the region.
She died around 1260. According to her wishes, her priest at the local Kulmsee chapel Heidenreich von Kulm (earlier archbishop of Armagh, Ireland) had her buried at Kulmsee chapel. A cultus developed around her immediately and Kulmsee chapel became a destination for pilgrims. In the Roman Catholic Church, she is the patron saint of Prussia, and her feast day is May 5.
External links
- //www.holyspiritinteractive.net/dailysaint/may/0505.asp