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How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back - The Complete Guide
Author: Essy Redfield
Hey girl, welcome to my page!
You are probably here because you are wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back. I've been there, trust me. I know how miserable you feel, and I am truly sorry for you.
Before we begin... as you'll see this page has gotten quite long with all the great comments I get (over 1000 now).
So... I decided to turn my How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Guide
into a video presentation to make it easier for you. It's not going to
win any awards for its video effects (!) but I hope you find it
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back (My Video Guide)
Sit back and watch this Guide that I put together for you.. (apologies that the video looks a bit amateur, I'm a bit new to making videos! I promise the actual content is good though :)
CLICK ON THE VIDEO to get started:
What You Should Do Next:
This is the link I refer to at the end of the video. Think of it as Part II of this Guide:
If you're asking yourself "What is the next step?" you should definitely check out the link.
Here's The Transcript Of The Video:
"You are probably here because you are wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back. I've been there, trust me. I know how miserable you feel, and I am truly sorry for you.
However, there is one person who can't be sorry for you right now.. And that's you!
A breakup is a very emotional and painful thing to go through. Probably all you want to do just now is to curl up on the couch, eat ice cream, and feel sorry for yourself. (And honestly, who wouldn't!).
But if you came here to find out how to get your ex boyfriend back...
...it is extremely important that you decide on a solid plan right now. Before you are tempted to make a bad move by instinct, and blow your chances in the process. (You will be tempted, no doubt about it, and the ice cream will be the least of your problems).
In life, usually it is good to do what your instincts tell you to do. Your "gut feeling" is right most of the time, and if you follow it, you will be alright.
However, this does not apply to breakup situations!
This is the one time where your instincts are totally WRONG. Believe me, if you want to get your guy back, you will have to act completely different from what your heart tells you to do.
So stop what you are doing for a moment. Try to control your emotions, and take a few minutes out of your time to read what I have to say.
My article is quite long, because I have a lot of important information to share with you. But if you are willing to invest five minutes to read this, those five minutes will have a huge impact on your chances to get your ex boyfriend back! So bear with me for a bit.
Three Ground Rules For Winning Your Boyfriend Back
I have defined three ground rules that any girl should follow if she wants to get her ex boyfriend back.
Of course every breakup situation is different. You may feel like your situation is so different, that the "common rules" don't apply to you.
However, if you have decided that you want your ex boyfriend back, I strongly advise you to keep these ground rules in mind, no matter what your situation is!
This is what I have learned from talking with hundreds of girls in breakup situations, and I am not exaggerating, feel free to look at the comments below my article.
OK here we go. The first rule is the simplest and the most difficult at the same time:
Ground Rule One: Be strong!
However heartbroken you feel, trust me, your ex boyfriend is not going to want you back if you show him that you are miserable and/or needy.
You probably have the urge to let him know just how terrible you feel, and how much you miss him, so that he will feel.. ehm... Feel what? Pity..?
A guy doesn't fall for a girl out of pity, ever! You'd be amazed though, how many women try to use this "tactic" to get an ex boyfriend back. Please don't be one of them! To get your ex boyfriend back, you will have to be confident and strong! Girls, I can not stress this enough.
A Little Psychology To Help You To Be Strong
By now you may be thinking "OK Essy, easy for you to say, but I just feel terrible! How can I act confident when I feel as rotten as I do?"
Well of course acting confident can be difficult right now, because after a breakup your self esteem may hit a low point.
Try this little psychological exercise for a minute, it's really helpful:
- IMAGINE how it will be when you are back together with your boyfriend. Not like in a memory, but in the future.That part is very important.
- EXPERIENCE how it feels to be back together after you have been apart all this
time.. Really feel his arms around you again..Feel his love in how
tightly he holds you.. Hear the sweet things he whispers in your ear...
How happy he is that he and you are together again.
Try to make this imagination as "real" as possible.
Now realize yourself (and make a mental note right now) that many couples get together after a breakup, every single day! This is not just a fantasy, you can achieve this goal if you put your mind to it!
People get back together after the most horrible breakups.. Even lots of people that shouldn't be together, still get a second (or third) chance.
Why? Well it's just a matter of biology and psychology.
- BIOLOGY: It's the chemistry between the two of you. If it "felt right" it probably was right, as far as mother nature is concerned.The two of you share a strong connection, so it is probable that you can make "good" babies together. And your (and his) body picks up on that.
- PSYCHOLOGY: This one is more complicated, and this is where you can put your magic to work.. Psychology is actually pretty simple if you know what you are doing. The only problem is, people act in the wrong way to get their results, and mess up their chances in the process. However, if you KNOW what you are doing, you can play your ex's feelings like an instrument.
He is still tied to you biologically. You have been together, right? So this shows that he and you are a biological match. The problem you are facing right now is psychological, which means that you can overcome it with the right strategy.
I am convinced that in most cases, if you want it hard enough, you can get your ex boyfriend back! You just have to be strong and smart about it!
OK, I hope that by now you know that you do have a good chance to get your ex boyfriend back. You only need the right information on what you should do and should not do. So let's continue.
Ground Rule Two: Limit Contact
One area where you need to be very strict with yourself, is contact. Whatever you do, don't harass your ex. This will definitely drive him away from you.
Instinctively you want to call him, because you want things to get back to how they were between you two.
And to get back together, you first need to make contact, right? Right..?
Wrong! Please, in your heart you already know this.. Don't call him! After a guy breaks up with you, he will regard your repeated phone calls as "stalking" or "harassing" way sooner than you think!
And even more important: Since you are giving him confirmation that you
still think about him, he will not feel any pain of missing you.
This is definitely not helping to get him back! So whatever you do, don't call him (unless you have your plan to win him back all laid out, more about that later).
If you have difficulty fighting the urge to call him, then try to keep your focus on your goal: Getting your boyfriend back in your arms! Try the psychological exercise that we did before. Like with most things in life, if you keep the end result in mind, it will just be so much easier!
Ground Rule Three: Find Other Things To Focus On
This may not seem like much of a "get my boyfriend back" tactic, but believe me, it is actually a very powerful method! Let me explain:
If you can find a new hobby or activity to dedicate some of your attention to, you will have less time to miss your ex boyfriend.
Apart from that, you will regain the feeling that you are in control of your life, and experiencing new and interesting things.
Those two factors lead to something very valuable to your goal: You will have more self confidence (and that definitely shows) and your ex boyfriend will notice that you have "moved on" with your life, or at least that you are not suffering full time because he is gone.This works like a red rag on a bull for most guys!
Well so far the basics. I hope you have learned that acting on instinct is a very dangerous thing to do when you try to win your boyfriend back.
"I Broke All The Rules!"
If you have come to this point and think... Oh No! I broke all those rules and then some!
Don't dispair. It's human. Like I said, it's the natural urge after a breakup to do exactly the wrong things.
This doesn't mean the situation is hopeless - Far from it! You may need a bit more help to fix things, but you still have a big chance to turn this situation around.
It's up to you now if you want to continue flying blind, or take matters into your own hands and follow a structured plan to get your ex boyfriend back. You can, if you are committed.
So let's continue with one of my favorite "real life" examples of how to get your ex boyfriend back!
Of course this method won't be useful to everyone, but if you feel that it might suit your situation, I recommend you give it a try!
Example #1 - Donna & David
Me and my friend Donna came up with this when her boyfriend of three years suddenly broke up with her because he felt that
"He needed his space', and
"He wasn't sure what he was feeling for her anymore".
Donna was devastated, she loved David with all her heart and didn't want to lose him!
Luckily, Donna was a psychology student so she knew a thing or two about male psychology. So instead of following her urges to call him up, she did this:
- Instead of pleading and begging for him, she "just" let him go.(For the moment)
- She tried the best she could, to not let him see how much the break up hurt her.
- And then... She took salsa lessons!
This may seem like a strange strategy, and of course Donna had to push herself to do it. But it worked out brilliant:
- It was a big boost for her self esteem (a lot of guys at the dancing class were giving her attention)
- It gave her something to focus on, apart from David
- It gave her a great sense of "adventure", of doing something new with her life
- And most of all: David heard about the salsa lessons (erm.. yes we made sure he did) ;) and he was extremely jealous about it!
It's important to know that guys are very "visual minded". When David heard about the dancing lessons, he immediately visualized Donna with those other men, dancing close together, and probably starting to feel something for one of them..
Before she knew it, David was leaving messages on her cell, saying he made a mistake and they had to talk! Of course Donna made him work for it a bit, before she took him back.. ;)
This happened over two years ago, and Donna and David are still together this day!
So there you see: If you play your cards right, make a solid plan an follow it through, then you will have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back!
Well these were my ground rules and a real life example that you can use when you try to get your ex boyfriend back.I hope you found this article helpful!
If you are still a little uncertain how to proceed from here, what's the best way to get your ex back.. then I would really advise you to get one of the professional "get your ex boyfriend back" systems that are available online.
Think about it.. How would it be if someone told you exactly what to say and what to do, Someone who has helped thousands of girls like you to turn their breakup around.. Wouldn't that be exactly what you need right now?
There are a lot of different systems available online, and I have read almost every one of them.
Some of them are really brilliant!
I can't give their content away in this article because it's copyrighted material (and I don't own the copyright unfortunately).. But I talk about the best available "get him back" methods on my site (click the link in the grey box below)
Here's What To Do...
What to do next?
I hope you found this Guide useful. I'd love to go into more detail here, but I've got to stick to my word limit.
Because this Guide has gotten quite popular (I think there's over 1000 comments now), and because of all the great questions I get asked every day...
...I decided to set up a page on my website with some more advice and recommendations EXCLUSIVELY for girls who have read to the end of this article :)
(think of it as the Part II version of this Guide :)
So I'd love you to join me over there. Click the link in the box just above this.
Stay strong! I'm rooting for you,
Essy x
P.S. I used to answer a lot of questions in the comment section below, and even more through email.. But unfortunately I have to stop doing so. I am really sorry, because I love to help all of you to get your ex boyfriend back.. But it was taking me several hours per day and it just got too much, it started to interfere with my personal life.
If you need more help to get your guy back, you should make things easier for yourself and check my website
(www.ExBoyfriendHelp.com) where I show you the best methods I can recommend to you. You can also register to receive a free PDF version of this article by email.
P.P.S. If you liked my article and you want to help me, you can do so by giving feedback with one of the buttons just below here.
Hey there, i read your article and I'd love some advice.
Does your rules still apply if your BF was never an official one?My guy is super shy and never makes a move, but under that he's got an iron resolve. We started being 'unofficial' fron NYs eve this year and since then have done everything pretty much as if we were going out.Recently, he ditched me cause he's moving 40 minutes away, but i found out from a mutual friend that really he's gone off me like a light switch.
This happened the day after we had a fight over txts where i told him i'd like to know where i stand because he'd tell me he loves me ten/ten then ignore me for weeks! or at least it felt like it. He's probably really annoyed cause i hounded him and I HAVE txted him to often, it's a reaction when i panic that he's slipping away!
Now tommorow him, I and 4 other of our friends are leaving for a holiday for a week and i'll be with him all the time! I'm the only girl going besides a friend of mine who is dating his mate!The mutual friend says I have no hope, but another says i should try.
I can't 'not be in contact' cause he'll be right there! I'd like to start working on winning his interest back, but i need to clear the image he has of me of being a bit needy, when all i wanted was confirmation that he cared in the first place!
I would desperately love some advice on what to do on this beach holiday (hitting the amusement parks) to start to win him back.Or is there no hope at all?
thanks so much. I've already downloaded the book and am reading it now, finger's crossed!
That is so true! But I have to ask ....What If the one you love and want n\back is dating your best friemd???
Hey Esmerelda,
I just wanted to say thank you so much for this tip!! It's working currently in a matter of a day!! I accepted our break up and moved on. This guy is a very firm head, and he is very stubborn, but I am crazy about him and I want him back. During our relationship, I fought with him over STUPID girl stuff...like "why dont you tell im beautiful" or "where you checking that girl out?" and stuff like that and sometimes telling him he wasn't being passionate or affectionate enough. But the thing is, I couldn't find better words to express my feelings so I said it in a way that I never meant! I never meant to say he was not passionate and affectionate, but what I DID mean to say is that I want to see MORE of his passion and love..you see, I said things the wrong way, and that hurt him, and that's WHY he broke up with me. When I accepted our break up, he said "He is not 100% over me", and I am going out to dinner with a guy friend this saturday and i mentioned it to him very casually...and within 6 hours, he kept on trying to get in contact with me, and very blantantly asking me ,"are you really going out with a guy this saturday?" i said, "yes, it's dinner" and he said, "oh..okay..thats fine, i guess.." and then i cut the conversation short and said, "but hey, i gotta go" and he said, "i will just talk to you later then"..I'm assuming he wanted to talk to me longer, but I cut the conversation short. He is an amazing man and I want him in my life...How am I doing thus far?
Hey Essy,
I got online to facebook today and obviously facebook's pop up chat was on, and he got online on facebook as well, but he only got on for a minute and then signed off and didn't even chat with me...Is that a sign or what?
Well, here is what happened. We talked online and I told him that I was going to Olive Garden this Saturday with that guy I was going on a casual dinner with. He kept on asking me ,"Are you going out to dinner with that guy" and everytime I kept avoiding the question. So he said, "I guess I will take that as a yes since you are directly answering me" and So I said, :Yes, I am going to Olive Garden with that guy." Now...later on in the conversation he asks me ,"Do you really want to go out with guy" and he asks me that twice"and I said, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say" I also said I didn't want to talk about it. But since it was Mardi Gras yesterday I made it very clear to him that I was hanging out with that guy that will be taking me to dinner and a couple of friends to celebrate Mardi Gras, and I even encouraged him to celebrate too! To make it seem like there wasn't any problem going on. He got weird. I told him that guy was going to pick me up and come to my dorm room" So he sarcastically said, "Of course he'll come to your dorm room". So I said, "Look, this guy is there for me at my worst." and he said, "So was I!" Like he keeps comparing himself to this guy. So I dropped my Mardi Gras plans and went over to his house since its not far from my dorm, and talked to him about his feelings. I explained to him that I was moving on from him, and that this guy that is taking me to dinner is really cool and he makes me laugh and he just makes me happy when I need to be." And he started to cry! He couldn't even face me. He told me he was hurt. I told him that he wanted me to move on when he dumped me, and that I finally was. He just shook his head and said, "You won't understand". I even offered my hand in friendship and he refused to take it. I reminded him that he was the one that dumped me and that he should be okay with me moving on and doing things, but he kept feeling hurt. Basically, I told him that he had no right to feel what he was feeling considering the fact that it was HIM that broke my heart. I also told him that I do think of memories with him (in a complete casual way, yet I probably sounded pretty angry because I was!), but that nothing he did was going to stop me from Olive Garden. He said that he's not feeling angry that I'm going out with a guy to Olive Garden, but he's feeling really hurt. I mean, Im thinking, WHY SHOULD HE? He broke up with Me. But yes, basically I told him that he has no right to feel that way, and the last thing before I stormed out of his house was "Next time, don't dump a girl if you still have feelings for her". STUPID ME....I called him today to make sure he REALLY was okay with me going to Olive Garden Saturday , and he acted kind of mean towards me and I said, "are you okay with me going out this saturday?" and there was a long pause. "it doesn't matter what I think..." and I said, "but you were upset last night." and he said, "im sorry for acting that way" Im thinking to myself that he has got be playing games! so I said, "so you are ok?" and he said, "do what you gotta do...i gotta go" so i said, "alright bye...im glad your okay with it and im glad we're friends" and then we hung up. NOW IM CONFUSED...Should I just give up and message him on facebook and tell that I am not going on a date this Saturday and just cancel it?" or wait until AFTER saturday to see if he asks me how my date went?" I feel helpless...what do I do now? Thank you!
Hello..Thanks for your post and it is really nice. Also good to read comments from others. I am sort of in deep funk after my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me three weeks ago (he lives in another country now, but he moved only 3 months ago, before that we were in the same city) and since then all I have thought about is how to get him back. I have tried to keep my contact minimum, but even in the 5-6 or so phone calls I have made in 3 weeks, he has been very very distant. Only once or twice he was friendly but short. So my question is--what should I do? Would you give me some advise. Also, the reason he broke up is because he doesn't trust me enough, he is a bit of the paranoid kind, although I am the last person on this earth to cheat. Can you help? Thanks a lot.
Hi Essy,
I sent you an email! Thank you so much for your help!!!
Hi Essy, Thanks a lot for such a great advise that you have said here :)
I am all shocked and troubled for the past two weeks. My fiancé has just ended our 3 years of relationship saying that he do not wish to continue such a relationship that has distances and quarrels. Actually, he is studying and is bit far away from me. We had been together for the past 3 years.. so the distance has left him totally shakened.. especially when he is staying along with his parents and they have not accepted me as yet and his close male friend (who just had a break-up) also saying against me( i.e to leave me).
Before reading your advise.. I have comitted all mistakes of crying, calling him again and again and even begging to not to end our relationship for the past two days. But, now I will will definitely do what you say here. i.e. Keep Distance.
I would love to talk to you. I am all broken at heart as I have lost my trust and love. Plz... be my guide. and Thanks for every support. I am gonna read the e-book for sure.
Well I will admit this is good advice that I probably should have read before tonight :) So now...two questions...
1) What if you've already broken the cardinal rules?
2) What if you met him more recently -- had one of the quick whirlwind relationships that there was a ton of chemistry -- but don't have any common friends, jobs, etc...I'm not sure HOW I would run into him again w/o actually picking up the phone and talking.
3) Okay -- I said two but I really meant three -- do these things change if HE was the one interested in a relationship and YOU were the one who blew it by not being ready. We're a little older and looking more towards that "next step" in life.
Thanks for the good advice.
Hi Essy,
I have sent that letter as suggested in T.W.'s video. Lets hope, our plan begins to work. Though, my ex has not contacted me for the past 3 days and neither have I. But, I believe in 'Hope' and 'Karma'.I have also replied to your mail. Thanks for caring. I am in need of a true friend..Take care-Diana
My boyfriend (29) of three years broke up with me (25) almost one month ago. We were extremely happy and in love, but a lot of things changed over the course of the past year (he moved in with a new roommate, I started working on my Masters, etc.) that placed a lot of stress on both of us. During the last year, I lost a lot of my confidence and have kind of become a weak little weenie, which I know contributed to our problems. When he broke up with me, he said that now he isn't sure of anything in his future, and couldn't even tell me if he sees me in it - he couldn't say 'no,' but he couldn't say 'yes' either.
During the course of our entire relationship, he always reinforced the idea that he would never leave me and that I was the love of his life and he wanted to marry me someday. Needless to say, the breakup hit me hard - really hard - and I've already made the cardinal mistakes of text message terrorism, IMing him, leaving him (innocuous) Myspace messages, and even stopping in to see him at work. So would the letter work at this point, or would it be seen as just another attempt to get him back into my life?
I'm at a complete loss. When I have seen him lately, he has admitted to not being over the relationship and has been relatively nice to me, but has expressly stated that he "doesn't want to get back together right now." He'll talk to me on AIM, but never initiates contact. But I don't want to just let go of everything we had, and I definitely don't want HIM to move on. Have I messed things up too much already? Is there any hope of salvaging this relationship?
My boyfriend wanted to break up after we had our first fight. We were in a long distance relationship when we had the fight he broke up with me. Everything was really good for 8 months then he says it is for the best. I thought perhaps it was because he had a hard time with the distance. Now I am visiting the same college he is going to again because of a job offer. We were talking some but then after he found out I would be going to the same school he stopped anwering my calls. Could he have another girl or is it that he doesn't want anything more to do with me. I am wondering why? Is there a chance I can get him back? Or should I just forget him and mover on? I will be seeing him on campus in 3 weeks, should I just ignore him or talk to him if he wants to talk to me? I need some help.
I purchased and poured over T.W.'s course and am currently in Day 4 of no contact (better late than never?). Last time my ex and I spoke, he said that I was "an impatient person and just wanted things to immediately go back to how they were." He said that he would talk to me again eventually, but the thought of addressing whether or not he could see me in his future is "really cruel." He also got emotional and angry, and expressed disdain for having to box up "all of the cute little things that I'd made for him" earlier that day. He's obviously upset over the breakup (he apparently drinks almost every night and has given himself an ulcer), but still says that he needs space.
Is it worth even going through the hassle of all of this? I mean, the plan seems simple enough, but I don't want to hold on to some unrealistic glimmer of hope if there simply isn't any, you know? Everyone in my life is telling me to let go of him and to just move on, but I still really, really love him. Is it a lost cause?! Is there any way to tell if he is just upset over breaking my heart (because he does care about me) or does he really miss the relationship? How can I keep myself occupied during no contact other than just by "working on myself?"
This is definitely great advise!
Just recently, my boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me. He said he needs to figure out things with himself and felt he was growing apart from me. He says, "We only know each other" He admitted that he is scared of the next level. As you can imagine, it has been a difficult 2 weeks. He says he still loves me and that will never change. It gets me confused. I took this extremely hard. I needed to take time for myself. I decided to move to another state for a few months to stop thinking about him and to start thinking about myself. We have many mutual friends and everyone seems to think we will soon get back together. He's just going through something right now. Did I make the right decision? What should I do?
Hey Essy, thank you very much for the interesting page. It really clamed me down and gave me strength.
Me and my bf have been together for 2 years and 4 months, totally in love. Lately he has hanged because my bad mood and stress i was making. (I sent you a detailed email).
The last words he said to me were, we will be just friends, you should be happy for yourself and not for me, you should take care of yourself. But afterwards I have made all the bad things of begging and calling a lot etc...
I believe he will take some time and he will call me, but I wonder if he will be able to forget the bad things I did (I mean the begging).
I'm really looking forward to having him back, and I learned by heart all your words and willing to make them.
Should I send him a letter or something?
Hi Essy, thank you for your reply. I was in depression, so he decided to leave, it was him who broke up, I begged him and apologized and did eveything but he was insisting. Now I am out of depression and willing to improve my relationship in a positive way, but I don't know how can I convince him to come back.
I sent you the email 2 times on the above link (Contact Essy84) and one time on the exboyfriendhelp. I don't know if you received it.
My boyfriend (21) and I (20) were together for almost two years. In fact, today (03.22.09) would be our anniversary. He broke up with me last weekend (03.14.09). It was just an out-of-the-blue breakup, and I was completely devastated. I still am.
During the first few days of the breakup, I did ALL of the big "No" mistakes. I called him, texted him, etc. I tried telling him how much I loved him, how wrong I was, etc. Nothing worked though. I still don't have him back.
Initially, he was telling me he just needed "time" and that after he's had some time to sort things out, maybe he and I can reevaluate things. I guess my continuous confessing of love to him pushed him away more, seeing how as of two days ago he told me that I just needed to "move on"...he says he wants a break from relationships for a while, because he wants to be able to do things he didn't get to do much of while being in a relationship (going out with friends, etc).
I know he still has feelings and love for me. But I just don't know if he wants to be with me again. I would love to be with him again...not because I feel rejected, or because I feel I "need" a man in my life. This definitely is not the case: I need no man to be happy. The reason I want him back is...I truly love him. I truly WANT to be with him. I miss HIM, not the relationship. I truly felt/feel that he is "the one" and that this relationship is not over in our hearts!
But will these tactics work in my situation? I mean--I've already pushed him overboard. He's already told me he wants to be "free" for a while. So what do I do?
PS: I have been initiating No Contact for a few days, but I've failed a couple of times. I can go all day without talking to him...but night time comes around, and I just want to call/text him, because that's what we did when we were together. Every single night.
Hey girls, I just want to ask a simple question: Shall I go out with friends and have some fun? or he will be jealous and maybe he will go farther away?
I have to mention that before the break, he was terribly jealous without a true reason, so now I am hesitating, I am invited tonight with friends and his brother will be there (Should I go or not?) Please give me your opinion.
Thank you essy, you are always helpful.
I went to meet my friends and the first comment was: Wow Mira you are shining, you seem happy. This comment was in front of his brother.
I am very sure that his brother will phone him as soon as possible and tell him that he saw me and maybe he will give him some details. I just wonder now if my bf will react to this.
Our last contact was 12 days ago, to me it seems like eternity, but do you think that it's normal for him not to contact me this long?
I just rememberred that in our last contact he said to me that he will always be by my side. (Now I am starting to remember the positive words he said to me).
I wonder if it really works to get the ex back... Did it work really for some people? Shall I believe that I can really have him back?
I am so thankful I found this site. Two nights ago my boyfriend, who I have been just crazy about since the begining almost a year ago, just decided that he isn't ready to settle down yet and wants some space. He still wanted to be friends though, but since his first love who he dated for 3 years broke his heart (about a year before we got together) he hasn't really been interested in a "serious" relationship. This of course was pretty devastating to me. The whole time we dated though he always had all the power, which is kinda new to me, but unlike my previous boyfriends, I ended up falling a little too hard for him. I think that may have added to the problem. Anyway I already wrote him a letter today telling him that I still constantly think about him, and reading this I'm afraid I already messed up. Is there even any hope though if he just doesn't want to be tied down?
hi essy... i sent you an email... i hope you could help me... thanks...
I am devistated but yet so much in love... My boyfriend just broke it off with me after 3 years... I still love him very much and he just wants to be friends. He claims that he doesn't feel like he wants to be commited with just one girl at this time... What books etc... do you recommend so I don't make any mistakes on losing the love of my life...
This is a fantastic article! My boyfriend finished with me 3 months ago after a 3 year relationship and im still trying to get over him. The thing is i just can't stop contacting him and i just wish i'd read this just after the break up! I have definitely pushed him further away by contacting him as he told me that he doesn't love mein THAT way anymore. Is there still any hope for me to turn this round? The other difficult thing is that he only lives around the corner from me so i see him around quite often.
Hey I just wanted to say, that I was so scared that having my wonderful relationship again with my exboyfriend was hopeless. However I did exactly what this site recommended, and yesterday, Jacob (who recently told me he wasn't ready to settle down) showed up at my door distraught that I was moving on with my life, and apologized for everything he had said and done and told me he would do whatever it takes to get our relationship back in track. I seriously could not believe it. I'm still shocked. I told him that it would be okay if we started dating again, but we had to take it slow (to not look too obsessivley excited), and he was so happy it blew me away!! Thank you so much, he is such a rare and awesome guy and if I had reacted the way my emotions told me to I don't think I would have him in my life again. I can't thank you enough!
HI Essy!
I emailed you a few days ago, because my story is very long. I was wondering if you could email me back, because I seriously need your advice. Did I send it to the correct email address? email@example.com? (I had the number 35 in my yahoo email account)
Hey Essy,
Just wanted to say this article was tons of help! Im hoping everything will work out as i'm planning, but these tips were very useful so thanks!
i think ur tips are brilliant only thing i disagree with is the calls i made the mistake on calling my ex and then deleted his number i have sent him emails but no reply but as they say out of sight out of mind and its very true u need to contact them to know ur still in love with them and u want them back cause if u just dnt contact them they think u have given up
i split up with my boyfriend of 5 years a week ago but i have alredy made the mistakes of harassing him and begging him, have i already pushed him away or could i still get him back? please some one help me im so confused!
thankyou essy you have already made me feel better, after reading all these comments your an inspiration to loads of people who need someone to talk to thankyou
Hi Essy, I have just read your article and found it very interesting...and confusing I must admit! Here's the deal me and my ex were together nearly 2 and a half years, we were so happy together and in love! We had plans for getting married and having children. About 2 weeks ago however he finnished things claiming we weren't the same anymore. Which i admitted i did feel the same but personally i want to work on things where has he said it wont work!
In a way I understand what you are sayin about not contacting them for a while but at the same time i worry that if i don't he may get used to his new single life going out and enjoying things and then i will have lost my chance! Thing is another problem is that he has met these new friends which he claims is another reason we can't be together because all he wants to do is go out with them, he feels we will never see eachother but i have tried to explain to him he can have both but he won't listen!
Since we split he has been going out almost every night having a good time. Its as though this is how he wants things to be...so how can i get him to miss me if he is having a good time without me?! Please help...i am taking your advice for now and lessening the contact i have with him but i just worry that he may just enjoy his new life without me.
Also we have a holiday booked in 2months time so its hard not to keep in touch as we need to sort things out as to what to do. At first i wanted to cancel it but he said he still wanted us to go. Now we've switched places. I really want to go and believe it would do us good to get away alone, he says maybe i should go with a friend but it wouldn't feel right as it was booked for us! What do you think we should do?!
Any help would be very much appreciated and i think you are fantastic giving all this advice! I just hope you are able to help me because i honestly cannot live without this guy!
Many Thanks
So my boyfriend and i dated for 4 years, we have an 18 month old baby boy. I left him a couple of months ago, and now i realize that we both need him in our life. I cant stop thinking of him. I have made the mistake of texting him and telling that i want him back. Do you think i still have a chance? I really hope that i do!
hey essy,
3 weeks ago my bf of 2 years broke up with me. i say it was for no reason but it was bc i was getting lazy.. i was always an independent woman when we met. we met on myspace.. OUCH... but he was in japan for the navy and with in weeks we loved eachother i flew to japan to see him and it was love at first sight... 2 years later and tons of heartache now and a baby he ended it. we lived the whole married life living together and sharing finances, i will admit i have been pethetic and doing the whole crying and pleading noticing it doesn't do anything. we have hung out as friends a few times but then i get emotional lol.. i just cant help it , we share a 9mth old together and he sees her alot bc we actually live in the same appartment complex bc i moved in with my mom. he tells me he just wants to live life.... anyways even today he wants me to go to the dentist with him... how can i get him back and can he still have feelings for me??? he always wants to hug me and he says he loves me and he is not moving on but he talks to girls.... please help
hi i know essy can no longer give personal advice and i do believe that the advice she has given other girls through this page has been very useful! it has even helped me! but can anyone give me any tips on this situation i'm in?
well after 2 months of being broken up he accepted to go with me to a white sox game, and I know i wasn't supposed to call him or anything or seem interested...but he called me and I made it seem like he was my last option and that everyone else I had invited cancelled on me...(which was kind of the truth) and so we went and i underwent a mini makeover and when he saw me he noticed and he said "oh wow your hair looks really nice" and once we were at the park he said "well you look really really pretty today" and I said "oh no I don't" and he kept on insisting until I finally said "well thank you very much" and I followed essy's advice I didn't mention anything about our relationship and I smiled and I was very confident and I didn't try to hug him or kiss him or anything...Also afterwards we went out to eat and he told me to try what he had ordered and I said I didn't really like spicy food but then he cut it and tried to give me a piece of the food in my mouth with his fork, but I kind of pushed it away and took it from the fork with my hand and ate...and also afterwards he asked me if i wanted to go to his house because his favorite soccer team was playing on tv and he wanted to know if i wanted to watch it with him....so I said yes (well he was not alone or anything his family was home) and so when I was about to leave I said "well I had a good time today" and he said "me too etc." and then I put out my hands to give him a hug( but like a I was kind of just far away..not a close close hug) and he pulled me in and he gave me a
(story continued)
a long kiss on the cheek and he put his cheek for me to give him one...but I just said " oh well I have to really get going" and he seemed surprised...
well my goal was to try to get him to desire me and did i do the right thing?
also throughout the day he kept saying we should definitely do this again and that he really wanted to see me...and he kept talking about some of the really fun times we experienced together in the past...
but I don't know...I feel like what should I do now? he hasn't called me since then..which has been 3 days already...and he mentioned that his championship soccer game was the next day and he didn't even invite me to that! Oh I'm so confused....
can anyone give me advice? should I call him? what if he doesn't answer? is it too soon to call?
hello,My boyfriend broke op with me 3 weeks ago. he said his feelings were not that strong and that he loves me more like a friend than a girlfriend, he wanted to be friends and did not want to lose me, he was still very friendly but he just don't want to be in a relationship...He never told me about it, we had or discussions but i had never seen it coming. the first week I just wantet to talk about it and he was kind enough to anser my calls and said that i'm always welcome. after 2 weeks we meet again. sudenly he was so sweet but he's a man and he was still attactid to me so that day we did not only talk there was more... I thought he had his feelings back so I asked him. sinds then he only says that he don't want to get toghetter with me or anybody else and he just wants to be friends. So after that day I did not call or text him anymore, but on a day he came to tell me some good news on the chat for his musicband, so i just wished hime good luck. but after a copple of days i called him again and again. I read on the internet all the tips to ignore him en go on with your life and than you can wine him back. I just was so focust on the friendship because i don't want to lose him that i just break and went crazy and startet to call him again and again. so I puched him away.after that i said i wanted to talk, so i see him this friday.He was so nice but now he does not speak anymore, only when i ask him something. I'm just so scared that it is to late!I want to go to him to show him that i move on but that i can be fun and pretty so he sees what he's missing.I am almost shure that there is no other girl in his life, he just wants to have the time for himself. Is there still hope? can have some tips for friday?maybe it's my last chance to change he's mind so in the future he might miss me and wanting me back.Sorry for the tipefaults. I'm dutch so...
Hi, I love your article. Just wondering if the same applies if your man needs space? My ex is depressed due to being laid off and a sports injury, so he had nothing going for him. He was very stressed and frustrated and got to the stage where he didn't care about life, he didn't want to see anyone/do anything, including spend time with me. He was snappy and moody all the time. He broke up with me saying he cant hurt me anymore, but he needs to sort his own life out and make himself happy before he can make me happy. I tried to tell him I wanted to support him and give him his space, but he said he just wanted to break up. He also said he really hopes we can get back together, he just cant promise how long it will be, and he likes to think if he would ever settle down with anyone, it would be me.
Any Advice?
Hey! just 2 days ago, this guy told me he was done with me. he always used to say he misses me, & one day we haven't talked for the whole day and he said "i missed talking to you all day babe". we did kiss everyday in school a couple times a day. i told him i was falling for him and said me too. and he said he liked me too. he acted like he liked me, he was so nice to me and i was always happy. then he said that iwas being immature because i said something to this other girl he talked to. i told her i was sorry and we talked on the phone for 2 hours. he has been saying the same things to her. but he always said he cared about me. i don't know if he was lying to me or what. i liked him so much and i still do. i don't know if i should just give him time or what. i was always happy because of him. now when i pass him in the halls i have to hold myself back from crying. i've cried the night he told me and the past 2 nights. we've been talking for about 2 months, and i know thats not too long, but i never thought he would hurt me. do you think within a few weeks he'll realize he made a mistake? i at least wanna be friends for now and see where that goes. he just said the right things and i miss that. i miss everything. i really wanna tell him how i feel but i don't even know if he cares. my friends told me we will get through it together and i should move on. but honestly, i can't. please help!
Hey Essy.
My boyfriend just broke up with me about a week ago. We turned long distance about a year ago and it's hard for us to handle. I've been super moody, he decided he can't take it anymore, so he broke it off. I was going to be moving there in June, not too far off.
I know i've been doing the wrong things to try and get him back. The texting, the emailing, etc.. He said I was pushing him more and more away and that he just needed time to think. He still loves me but he is just unsure at this point.
So my question is do you think the whole no contact thing will work in my case? I keep caving after Day 1 of no contact. I know when before when I did the no contact thing.. he came crawling back 2 weeks later, saying he missed me.. Do you think it's possible for this to happen again, if I leave him alone?
Ps..sorry forgot to add...
He blocked and deleted me from msn.. cause the last time we talked was arguing about us. I can't seem to stop talking about it. I really hope that didn't ruin my chance.. i'm thinking he just needs time to cool off.
Sorry Essy. I didn't see your comment about not responding anymore. Disregard my question.
Thanks this article though!
HI Essy, here's my story!!
okay here we go will keep this brief! my partner of 14 years broke up with me at the end of jan, he then proceeded to move onto a new girly straight away..he has recently said to a close friend he regrets moving on so quickly, i was out of touch with him for 2 months, and then he started to contact me with some very relaxed and friendly emails.. dont get me wrong he is still with this other girly, he came to collect some of his stuff twice over the last 2 months and on both occasions.. has said he loves me, misses me, worries about me, thinks about me every day.. we openly hug and peck each other and hold each others hands when he is here, we touch each others skin and there is no repulsion, we have not slept together.. he writes down emotions that he cannot tell his new girly on a computer and passwords them, he loves hearing from me... he recently left for a head space trip to india for 4 months with new girly... and he called the day before he went telling me the same stuff and that he looks forward to watching a film together when he gets back, he cannot stand and does not want to handle me being with anyone else ( i am not), he breaks down and crys when we do meet up, he openly states on a bad days he thinks what the F*** have i done, but on a good day can see a future with new girly.. i am moving to a new place, his face lit up so big when i told him where... he says to a mutual girlfriend, that he really likes seeing me, as we are so comfortable together and get on so well, and that is plenty of raw emotion there still, he wants to be in touch whilst in india and says he will be thinking about me.. the new girly he is with, is a college student and they have known each other for a while, they got close when her father died... and he has been a rock for her ever since.. really... his last text to me before he flew to india with her: blah blah and being you, live life authentically,beautifully,amazingly, fully. love, care and compassion always!
Paula xx
i'm 25, my ex fiancé is 27. we were together for 5 years, when he broke up with me. the cause is a result of a number of reasons. it has been 6 months since the break up. The first 3 months, i was in denial that it had happen and we maintain contact (verbal). i did beg and plead for another chance. i was an emotional mess and made sure he knew it. i contacted his family and friends...
as four months went by, i visited him. we hung out for 3 hrs. during that time we did not address the break up or me wanting to get back together. after that we didn't speak for 6 weeks.
3 wks ago i called him, the conversation casual. i want him back and now that we are on speaking terms, i don't know what to do next. he doesn't call, but answers my calls and engages in the conv... my plan is not to contact him for the next three weeks, as he has finals (med school) but to plan to see him after the exams.
any suggestions on how to proceed....
Well my bf of 3 years couple months broke up because of long distance. I just recently moved states. For 3 years we were together and inseperable. Very happy. But he said he couldn't do the long distance. I know because he's already used to being physically apart from me because of the months apart so the 'making him miss me' part is a lot harder. I don't know if I should even try to get him back. I just love him so much and I don't know what to do.
He still wants to remain friends but I don't know how to. Where do I go from here. He also is coming up to visit me as a friend and i don't know how to act.
WEll essy my ex boyfriend and I hung out again!!!! And he told me he had such a good time and all, and we even kissed just a little (but once again I pulled back and said I had to go... hehehehe and I could tell he still wanted to kiss) and once again he complemented me and what not, but he hasn't mentioned anything about getting back together :( he has mentioned that he wants to hang out again. I will wait until he calls me, and when we do hang out, should I mention anything about that kiss? and if it even meant anything to him? should i hint that it meant a lot to me? Well Essy I just want to say thank you soo much for your advice!! So far I feel like with your advice I am slowly winning him back!! :) and I know he still has feelings for me, I just need to seal the deal and win him over once and for all! Any other tips to just seal the deal? (OH and by the way, when we went out on Saturday he noticed that other guys were looking at me and he didn't even want to let me go to the washroom by myself- he stood outside the washroom and waited for me!!!)
well essy thanks a lot~!!!
hi Assy
thanks for the great job you are doing.as everyone here me too i really want to get back with my ex boyfriend again. my boyfriend and i were together for almost 5 years. we were both happy.most of the time he was busy in his work but i never mind cause i knew he was working very hard and that he was sincere to me. he is the kind of serious guy and i know he would never do anything wrong.even when were together he would go to business trip several time and return, everything was just normal. then he decided to go abroad and work over there. he lives with a friend, his uni friend.now this friend of his is married but still go out with others girls also . i know him very well and i know he would not do anything such. but this friend of his present him girl and after a few months i started noticing that he has changed.when he came back he then told me everything and he know he was at fault. i was there sitting and crying. he hugged me tight and wipe my tears.i gifted him a golden chain that day had make it for . i really love him. i really didn't know wat to do till i came across this site.
it would really be nice of u if you could help cause he is all i have. thank u dr. i feel alone and desperate at times
Hey girl. Thanks for giving some hope to an old romantic where everyone shuts us down.
My ex broke up with me two weeks ago. Everything was fine, he was very attentive, intro'd me to his family and friends, took me to eat, even plowed my driveway when it snowed! Cooked for me and so on. He began to withdraw suddenly and then became scarce, not answering txt. I did the worst thing possible and began to write cards and notes, burned him cds and gifts. It worked for a little while, we went out to dinner a couple times and were intimate and had a great time. He even wanted to take me by his friends. Then, it was over. In the end he was cold and said it wasn't me, it was how he is. I feel he is a commitment phobic and has been in many short term relationships. He is older and divorced and I worry if he is still not over the pain of it. He is also dating another woman. As bad as it hurts, I dont think it will be serious.
The question is: did I drive him away for good by texting and begging? I truly believe in my heart he was very smitten with me and got scared it was getting too serious and broke it off. I love him very much and mad the mistake of telling him, my last words to him (we were intimate before I left and I ended up crying which frustrated him and he asked me to leave...but he also tried to give me a necklace of his and asked me not to hate.) 3 days later he was out with someone else.
As much as he has hurt me in the end, the good far outweighs the bad. I want him back desperatly and have decided to leave him alone. In the meantime, I have lost weight and am in the gym doing a transformation. I want distance between the old crying pathetic me into a new confident super buff person. Im not doing this all for him; it is my only thing I have to focus on now.
This summer in 2-3 months will be some big parties I know he will end up at. Is is sick to want to show up and look like the bomb? If so, how can it work? What if he thinks I am psycho. I promise I have ceased all calls and txts, but did I do damage? I love him so and I know he cared and shut off. What do I do?
Hi Essy,
Here are my news; After a long time with no contact, he called to meet me and to have a walk. I accepted in a decent way, and I recognized that he was putting on his elegant clothes, his car was exceptionaly clean, like if he was preparing for this meeting carefully. He was very happy to see me, I saw it in his behaviour and in his eyes. After just half an hour I said that I have to go because I have things to do, he was surprised or maybe shocked. I was brave. hehehe
But later I think I made the mistake again by rushing. In the second date which was after a week from the first, I talked to him about the topic of our relationship. The first time we were laughing about the past and talking about it smoothly, but with no intentions.
The second time I offered him a present, restarted the topic again and explained to him how much I love him and that I will always love him even if we were apart... (I admit that it was a BIG mistake). First he said: I am not ready to talk about that... (I should have stopped, but I didn't).
Today, he called and I asked him if I can travel with him in his next exhibition trip, and he said that he will be busy + why do I want so?I said because it's normal, but he wasn't convinced. I recognized that he is still phobic, and he still didn't forget the bad time.
After this call, I had to send him an sms excusing myself that I openned the topic, said that i shouldn't and I mentioned something related to work (just to change the topic and to be neutral).
Now I am feeling very sad, because I was expecting that he will come back to me quickly.
I am so believing in my love to him, I need him back and ready to wait and do whatever it takes to win his love back.
Any further advices will help me very much. Thanks
ok i love my ex so much and i know he still has feelings for me..we have been through so much together...personal things.
so he wanted a break cuz what i had done truly hurt him..and NO i didn't cheat on him because i know most people reading this would think that.
We didn't really talk for a month. Then we started talking and hanging out again. We had plans on getting back together after he graduates this year.
Well then we got into a stupid little fight and he started ignoring me. so i kind of freaked out on him. That apparentely he said really hurt him...again. After that we didn't talk for a couple weeks but then he called me and we started talking again. Then more drama happened and i got mad at him because he was accuseing me of saying stuff when i did not. I told him that i didn't want to talk to him right now so he hung up on me. I tried calling him back but he didn't asnwer.
I want to call back but im afraid that he wont answer and i will look like a stalker so i just haven't called him. Hopeing that he will call me.
He has told people that he still likes me, he said that he is just confused and dont know what he wants right now, because hes going through a hard time right now at home and some other things.
I dont know what to do i just want to be with him again.
Any advice for me??
hi Essy..i m Bristi from India. hav u heard of India? its in Asia.i liked ur article very much..bt i did the mistakes...like cryin for him,calling him or mailing him,trying to be in contact with him. but now after reading ur article i m determined to be strong...and to maintain a distance from him. but my problem is a bit different. my exboyfriend is now dating another girl. is there any chance to get him back in this situation??? if yes , then how??? i mean is there any rules or steps to follow. please let me know. my e-mail id is email@example.com
Hi i previously wrote, but haven't gotten any respond...
should you have the time please take a look at my post and tell me what you think, i would greatly apreciate it...email me at email@example.com
thank you again
I took your advice and bought a course on how to get my ex back. It is by Bob Grant. It did pep me up a bit, but I still worry that I did damage in the last few days (texting, calling, dropping by, begging). He was pretty dead set on the break up. Im trying to stay proactive, in the gym daily, tanning, working on my own confidence and working hard not to talk about him publicly (the biggest obtacle, even though I have never trashed him).
It will be three weeks on Tuesday and it seems like an eternity. My emotions are all over the place! It seems I cant get a mental break from "him". I have won some battles though...I even had a message typed to go to him, via text over the weekend, and thought about what you said and canceled it! But, I have a serious uphill battle. Can I send you an email?
To everyone else, stay strong. In this difficult period try to focus on you...be proactive daily. And remember nothing worth having is easy.
I dont know if this will help me but it might. I was wondering do you think it will if my x-boyfriend broke up with me cause i was busy and couldn't call him back or answer my ph. and cause i didn't know he was calling me?
Hey I read your article and it seems to be bullet proof so to say. Meaning anyone can do it.
However call me crazy, but the guy I want back I have talk to maybe 3 or 4 times since 2006. I tried moving on and that ended up in me getting pregnant. However I didn't get pregnant until 2008.
But that is not the point. My point is he threw me up against a brick building 2 days after I left him. He showed up to my school and without realizing what happened that day got mad cause he saw me walking with a male friend and threw me up against the building.
But deep down I know that he isn't the abusive kind. I have known him since I was 9 and he was 16. We started dating when I was 18. I am now 22. I met him through my brother. I want him back but he hates me. And the reason for that is because he was given a year restraining order anda year probation for doing that.
But another thing is if I were to get him back he wouldn't just have me. He would also have my daughter. Please help!!
hi thanks 4 the tips but my problem that my ex bf sent me msg asking about my news...i dont know if he want me back or what??? how can i know???
hey essy so my exbf and i are going to hang out this saturday..bc we are going to celebrate my sister's graduation..so it's going to be a group of friends ..we are going to a club...so my question is..should i dance with other guys? but what i'm worried about is that i know he will get mad and he will go and ask other girls to dance..and that would tear me to pieces!! but i want to make him jealous!! but i know he would dance with others if i did! i mean i'm going to do what you told me ..about telling him i have a friend who is very awesome and interested in me and what not..but i just need advice on wat to do for this saturday!! should i dance with him how we used to (like all close and what not) or just as friends..and be distant ?(and by now it's been a little over two months since he broke up with me...do i still have hope?)..and after that kiss the other day..i was a little scared that he would never want to talk to me again..but no..we talked a week after that and he agreed to go out this saturday..but i don't know..is it okay that i'm the one who is always asking him to go out? is it okay that we only talk like once a week?
-thanks for all your help essy!
hi essy i emailed you how it went...you'll be very surprised! please help!
I wish I would of read this before I messed everything up. I didn't take the pity tactic but I took the not caring ex-girlfriend (stilling sleeping with him). Till I walked in on him one night while I was drinking. I was devistated. I blew up. I couldn't believe that after he broke up he proceed to do that to me. I asked him repeatedly if i was his only sex partner because I don't believe in multiples and he swore i was the only one. Then after that I haven't spoke to him. I still want him back but I don't know if it's a smart decision it's only been 2 wks since i caught him and a month since we broke up. But anyways, great article. But i don't think there's any advice you could give me to get him back.
hello. my guy likes me and a few days ago he even said he loves me but then he said he feels very commited and so i suggested a short break. now i want him back. he is a pretty good looking guy and there are girls whom like him. he also goes clubbing and there he dances with other girls. he doesn't have any feelings for them apart from the fact that when the beat is there, he just likes to dance.im not a controlling person and i encourage him to dance as i understand that guys need some fun. but he feels guilty after doing all this and thats why he thinks he's not ready for a relationship. another factor is also because since we're unofficially together, like, really low profile, we don't publicise our relationship. so when other girls ask him is he attached, he would answer no (thats what we agreed on) and then the girls will start flirting with him because he's good looking but he can't flirt back so he always leave early and sometimes he feels guilty to me about it. so it seems like, he doesn't have much time with his friends (whom are mostly girls). he is also receiving pressure from his clubber friends whom asks him what the hell is he doing clubbing when he has someone already. i dont want him to be sad and stuff so i told him lets take a break. and then he just told me that he doesn't feel that he is ready for a relationship.
however, he still misses me and likes me. he doesn't say it out unless i ask him. but the way he treats me is very nice. although he try to keep his distance as in no touching and no keep hanging out with me and stuff like that. but he still treats me better then the other girls. and he knows i like him and still think about him. i guess the only thing stopping him is he is afraid of commitment. what should i do? i want him back. i'm willing to fight for us. i know he likes me but i dont know how to get him back! help!
hey essy. i just send u my problems to ur email..please help me..thanks a lot.. (my email is firstname.lastname@example.com).
ok so....my boyfiend Alex and I had been dating about a year and 2 months. My longest relationship ever. I'm going to be honest I took advantage of him and didn't appreciate our realtionship and how good he was to me, I fought with him too many times to count and I regret it more than anything I've ever regretted in my life. He recently went on a trip to Vegas to visit his cousins and he hasn't been back in almost a week, he's barely talked to me while he has been up there and is telling me that he's contimplating moving over there because there is too much drama with his family down here in California. he told me he still wants to be with me, then he tells me he's confused, then he says he loves me, then he said he just wants to be friends and that he needs time to himself. I don't know what to do??? I'm trying REALLY hard to stop my evil ways and really appreciate everything he had to offer. What should I do??? This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I love him and I want him back. Any advice???
So I came along your page and saw all of the questions people had for you and you actually responded so i'm going to give this a try. I dated this guy we will call him Michael for 2months (not long at all) We had a ton of chemistry and so much fun together, during the last couple weeks of our relationship i was kinda moody and couldn't figure out why. Well I figured out why I'M PREGNANT...the day after i told "Michael" I'm pregnant he breaks up with me stating that he hasn't felt the same about me for a while and that he lost feelings for me and he is interested in someone else. Of course I'm not only devastated because of the unplanned pregnancy but he is also leaving me for someone else so I cry and beg and plead non of which help of course. I am keeping our baby because I'm financially and emotionally capable of raising a child so abortion isn't an option. I really want him back in my life more then a father of his child but also as my partner. Do you have any advice for me to get my ex boyfriend back especially with me being pregnant and everything? I have backed off ALOT over the past couple weeks I went on a week long beach vacation and have been spending alot of time with my family...am i on the right track?
Hi there, My boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago and I might be pregnant with his child (this he knows) He still talks to me, he told me it wasn't my fault the relationship ended and that I was great. He's just going through a hard time not knowing is he is going to jail or not on june 2nd. When we first started dating he told me all about this and I told him I would stick by his side, so why did he break up with me knowing that I wanted to be there for him? He broke up with me about 2 days before my grandmothers funeral, and my best friend left and might not want anything to do with me. My boyfriend and I only had a short relationship but it was amazing, I could talk to him about anything and I believe he felt the same way. How do I get him back with my situation? please feel free to email me at somodi_12 @ hotmail . com (without the spaces) with a response.....thank you.
hello essy! I understand it's hard to keep this up! 2 months ago I told you that my boyfriend broke up with me and after 2 weeks we slept togheter. After a month I seem to get my life back on track and I was doing fine! I met a great boy who is a really good friend. My ex was beginning to ask me about it and said that he met a woman who is 6 years older and that he's in love with here and kissed. I said that i was happy for him and that i hope that it is gonne work out and stuff! a week later I had a message from him, he was very angry! because he said that he broke up with me but that he still truly loved me and he still cares. but that we had the same discusstions over and over en that he was just to much for him. That he never thought that it hurts this much and that he was being an ass because he did not wanted me to still try to get him back and he wanted that i moved on with my life without him and that he will get true the pain. after a while we began to talk on the phone and I met him on a night with friends, he was the one who made contact with me that night over and over again. I was to happy and talkt about this, I think it scared him so we talk less. after that i met him on a night out and he asked me if i wanted to drink something with him later that evening. he had a very good time and wants to do this more ! I asked him if i can see him before he got to learn for school and he said that if i want i can go to meet him at his place. but he has a fight with his prarents ad home and it does not go well for e few weeks now. He's very unhappy and don't want's to talk about it and so we have not that much contact now. He said to me that he does not want other girl that he want's to be alone, but that he still maybe like's me and stuff. he said to a friend that he still loves me very much and to a girl that i know that he still has srong feelings for me. again I talk to him about it he did not say that it wansn't true but he just can't say those words to me i think. It scares him. Now we came so far... I try to make no contact for a while and hope he's doing better at home and school because it's gowing very bad! but...If he still says to people he loves me after he broke up with me and after to weeks. how can i prove him that we can try again? If maybe other people have aan anwser please tell me!! it was going better and better, now it's just time i think. after this schoolyear we made a deal to meet again. but I don't know if he would still feel the same way than. thx for all the advice
i want my ex-bf back. he tells ppl that he dsnt want to get back together or be friends. i say "oh ok" when they tell me this, but whenever i see him, he always looks at me. we do track together so i am always cheering him on, but i cheer everyone on not just him. i dont kno wut to do right now. i need ur advise, so, wut do i do about my ex-bf???
Hi Essy,
I've just split up with my boyf. We were together for a very short space of time, however it became very intense very quickly. I miss him desperately, which is why I have been trawling the internet for advice and I am grateful that I cam across your site.
I hope that with these steps as noted in your advice to other ladies, that we might be able to make another go of things.
Anyway, I completed understand that you are not in a position to respond to individual concerns, however I still want to thank you for providing such an informative and hopeful site.
All the best
hey there,
just a week ago, i had to break up with my bf... there was a girl who told me false info bout him cheating on me... now i feel like i killed him! he wont talk to anyone, he is depressed, and crys! i really like him but all my guy friends cussed at him and told him not to talk to me again!! we were at the dance, and this girl likes him... she told me he said "Anna was the hottest girl there". turns out he didn't say that! i broke up with him and know now it was wrong. how do you get him back, it you broke up with him??? i mean he lives right next door and our parents are friends... but, will it be awkward??? help!!
I know you probably can't help me because you are so busy, and I understand this. but I just have a question about your method. Two years ago I had to ask him about, it was never the other way around because hes such a shy person, and he said that all he wants is for me to be happy. Well if i act happy and strong about the break up, isn't he just going to want me to keep being away from me because he thinks it makes me happy? and also if he was too shy to ask me out in the first place, how is he really going to make the first move this time! don't i NEED to show him i love him and be clingy?? i mean seriously, what am I supposed to do?? do i still do your advice? is there still hope????
My ex- boyfriend and I met through mutual friends and within a week of getting to know each other, we hit it off and he asked me to be his girlfriend. In about a month into our relationship, I started to get pissed off and even a bit psycho when it came to texts because he would take a long time to reply and I felt justified because most of my friends boyfriends or guys they dated would text practically constantly. It was because he had a job, but I felt he could reply at lunch break or at least be semi- extremely sorry it took so long to reply. I really liked my boyfriend, so I would feel very sorry for texting several times. He started to improve when I almost broke up with him over it. Then about two weeks before our 2 months, his brother who has cancer was told he only had a few months to live. In the past year, he's had 2 friends and 1 family member who died, so I knew it'd be extremely hard for him. I was ready to never complain about texts and be his number 1 support in his rough times. But he broke up with me. He said it would be very tough to have a girlfriend and go through this. He said he didn't want me out of his life, and if it were a better time in his life, he would want me. I became very good with contact and only texted once or twice a week how are you doing? Then we hung out because we have mutual friends. He texted me that night saying I was the best part of his night. Then the next week we ended up hanging out again. We have great chemistry and always end up flirting, so it was no different that night. We finished a few of each others sentences as corny as that sounds. My friends even told him behind my back that we were cute together. The next day he asked me to hang out and I said yes. And the night before he had texted me that I looked really good and he wanted to kiss me. So we hung out just the two of us and it was nice and I feel like how I liked him before, it has just grown about ten times. And this night he kept saying things like we should do this, we gotta do that. However, he never tried to kiss me. He's always been shy, but I thought if he really wanted to, he could have. Because of his brother and because I'm enjoying the connection that we are having presently, I don't want to say anything I shouldn't or pressure him in any way, but I want him to kiss me and I want him to be mine. What do I do?
I know you've been really busy and all so if you don't have time to respond I understand. My ex and I were together for the first year of college. I went to see him over summer and everything was wonderful and we were talking a lot on aim basically everyday. The next day we talked on aim and things were still great I had thanked him for buying me lunch and he said " I do it cause I love you" and then the next morning he broke up with me claiming it's really hard to have a girlfriend over summer and I just am not sure what to do about it because it was so random. I haven't talked to him since and it's been about a week and a half. I think he did it because he is working at an all boys camp and was leaving the weekend after we broke up and I think he thought he wouldn't have time or something. So at first I deleted him from my facebook and myspace but recently added him back on facebook saying " I hope we can remain friends especially since we have a lot of friends in common" and he added me back. Is there anything else I should do? I really want him back and you know I want him back soon and I'm not sure if I aim with him or anything?
Hey, i was wondering if you could give me some advice please. I have recently split up with my boyfreind well 6 weeks ago. when we split up he rang me and said we had been arguing alot latly and he wanted some time alone and wants to be single (at this time his grandmother had died aswell). Well i completely broke down in tears asking him if he still loved me and would we ever get back together; he said he loved me still and always would n thought i was amazing. And said if i give him a couple of months 2-3 that we might get back together. And he told his sisters the same.
Its been 6 weeks already, he text me about 2 weeks ago and said sorry for not contacting me and he was getting a new number and would give it me and hoped i was ok and things. He hasn't passed me his new number and im having serious doubts whether we will get back together.
I love him so much i dont want to let go, i haven't contacted him as he told me he needed space and time to think cos his head was "messed up" what he said to his sisters as well. He is still single and hasn't met anybody, and hasn't got many friends and doesn't get out alot.
Can you give me your opinion on whether or not you think we will get back together, i dont want to lose him.
Btw i also saw his sisters the other week at shopping and they said i looked amazing, lost weight n genuanly looked nice; i hope they told him that!
please comment back as i need some reliable help x
I have read all the comments and responses here. I was wondering if these tactics work for a dating relationship? Meaning that we were dating and not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. My guy decided to end things this Monday night and I am devastated. We were only together for 4 months but have known each other longer. I know, not that long. He didn't really have a strong foundation relationship wise in his past. He is confused and going through lots in his life now. School, family, work and etc. Since we were not committed yet and we were trying to see where this would lead, he went on dates with two girls. He is now going out with a girl he met couple of weeks ago. He has strong feelings for me but thought that in the four months, he was feeling the same as he did when we first got togther which is not actually a bad thing because if he lost interest, then that would be bad. I am confused. He thinks because of that, we have no future. I know Essy, you are busy and cannot answer everyone's detailed question but I wanted to know if the steps here will work for a dating relationship and if I have a chance of getting him back. I want him back and can't stop crying. I think he is the one. He is not ready to settle down and get married at the moment but eventually he will. He cares for me deeply and my feelings were always important to him from the beginning. Unfortunately we are students in the same class so it will hurt to see him. We were inseperable and were very happy together. Please advise if these steps will work and if there is a chance that I can get him back. I would like to send you an email but I am not sure if you will have time to answer it. I will but I will make it short and not bother you will the nitty gritty details. Thank you essy. I hope to hear from you. I need all the advice I can get. I will follow the tips you outlined here and hope for the best. It's been four days since we brokeup and I feel like I cannot move on. The tears will not end.....Much thanks Essy and hope to see a response if you are able to provide.
I just emailed you and tried to ask my questions without bogging down with too much details. I hope to hear from you.
Forgot to say that I've used these tips in the past and on someone before my current guy that just broke up with me and they work. The other guy I only dated for two months and I used the above tips (as my way to move on) and this guy has came running back to me but I had moved on and had fell in love with the one that just broke my heart. This one that broke my heart, we've been together longer and I've known him for awhile, does that increase my chances of us getting back together? My guy that just broke my heart, hasn't been in a serious relationship for five years and told me that he is sometimes not sure how to act in relationships. I need advice. thank you or for those that are members here and want to comment on my situation.
Ok, so my ex broke up with me on June 26th. I def. did the whole calling him repeatedly and texting him thing. Our big issue was my "out of control" drinking. So, I have stopped drinking and going out, but he says that isn't enough, and that only time will tell. And so he wants to be friends. After a huge blow up where he turned his phone off and blocked me on facebook, I have agreed to be friends. But I still miss him. Oh, and he lives in Greece. He moved back at the beginning of June.
Is there any possible way I can make this work? I really want to get back together with him. I am going to law school in the fall, and the whole plan was that I could visit him over xmas break, and he could come here a few times a year.
We talked yesterday and he said he misses me and he still loves me. So should I just limit my contact for the next couple of months or what? I mean at one point he dangled in front of me that if I was a "good girl" for the next few months then he didn't see why we couldn't get back together... So what should I do?
My boyfriend of 3 years (been off and on for 8 years) broke up with me june 22nd while i was on vacation. After we broke up i didn't talk to him the whole week and then the day i came back we hung out and everything was fine...well we have hung out everyday since then and up until yesterday i had a feeling things might change. We went to a concert together on the 4th of July and acted like we were together. Everything (and i mean everything if you get me) is still the same. we are basically together without the title. Well yesterday he had the day off and i had to work. He ended up going over this girls house that he swears is "just a friend" but the thing is he met this girl right after we broke up and he met her because she came to his work to get her oil changed. I have a feeling he is lying to me and its more than just friends, but he swears it is. he said if it turns into more than yeah but he doesn't think it will. shes older than him and i just feel like i have no chance. he wants to hang out tonight but i feel like its just because she has to work. what should i do to get my man back? i feel like it might be too late already because i blew his phone up yesterday with all these questions about where he was who he was with and yelling at him for being with her. is there anything i can do to solve this or atleast try to? thanks!!!
hi essy! wow i'm so guilty of those harassing sms and phone calls.. lol
btw, my ex broke up with me because i lied to him so many times.. well it was all petty.. on our first month, he asked me if i had a facebook account, i told him no i dont have but he found out that i had a one-year account in fb.. so i apologized and he forgave me..
the latest fight we had that led to a horrible break up was when i lied about accessing his email.. i tried accessing his email before but i told him about it.. he got upset but he said he loved me more than his email lol..
but this time, i lied and lied some more to cover up the lie i made..
he said his sister was getting him stuff online for his bday.. so i was cool with it and i was happy for him.. then one day i was curious.. i'm working as a tech support in one of the biggest ISPs in america, and my ex happens to be one of our customers.. so as a tech support, i have an access to his homepage (yahoo homepage) although i couldn't get in to his email.. in the homepage, there was a yahoo mail preview and i found out that he was the one who ordered all of those things..i know it was none of my business but i was a lil upset about not telling me the truth.. instead of asking him if he was the one who ordered those stuff online, i accused him of forwarding me the confirmation message of his orders he made online.. i told him that he sent it through his rocketmail account.. he knew i was lying.. he doesn't have a rocketmail account.. i just made it up:( he said all he wanted me to do was to tell him the truth and he would forgive me.. but i did not.. i made up a rocketmail account under his name!(horrible i know) and took a screenshot and sent it to him.. he found out that it was fake..i admitted my mistake but that was too late.. he told me to just leave him alone...
i was so guilty.. i didn't know why i did that.. that was just so pathetic..
after the break up, i posted a blog entry to my personal blog.. sent him letters and cards through mail (express mail), sent him emails...
i never got any reply from him.. i found out that he received my letters but he never contacted me..
three days after, he sent me offline messages telling me that he wasn't angry at me anymore but he didn't know if he would be able to go out with me again.. he told me that he will be online in a day or two to see me..
after a day or two, i waited.. but he never came online.. i called his sister (because he wasn't picking up my calls since we broke up) only to find out that he was sleeping..
two days after, he went online and we talked.. we both missed each other a lot.. i found out that he was avoiding me because he knew that he would go back out to me if he hears my voice or sees me online that soon..
he said he still loves me so much but he can't take me back anymore..
he doesn't have another girl.. he said he'll be around until i find another guy..
he wants me to find another guy and move on with my life
we used to talk everyday but now he only wants to meet me online on my days off..
he wants to find another guy but i know he still gets jealous and i can tell that he still loves me a lot..
do you think it's still possible to take him back?can you tell me what to do?:)
Essy I really need your help. Unfortunately I agree 100% with what you said about giving him distance and not calling and acting confident and making him work for it when he does decide he wants me back BUT even though I knew all of this very well before I let my emotions get the best of me and I threw it all out on the line when we broke up. I texted him like crazy and told him how much I missed him and how I haven't felt like this about anybody in a long time etc etc. I harassed him so much for a day or 2 he actually called me nuts. Before we broke up he was SO into me in every way possible and treated me like gold. I know for sure that he did have strong feelings for me in the past.
He works out of town and comes home every 2 weeks. After we broke up he did try to text message me and phone me 1 time each when he got back to town for his week off but I didn't answer his call and I only said "good you?" when he asked how I was doing in the text message. Some more time has passed and he is still away in town. I read an article similar to yours that also says to give space but that says I should act like I want to be friends and ask him to do something laid back like golfing etc. Well 2 days ago he was online so I struck up a convo and he was asking me lots of things about how I was doing. I ended up casually saying that we should go "tubing down the river" when he gets home and he was all for it. He also told him that I should save him some of the chili I was making that night for him next time I make it. When I ended the converstation (yes I made sure I ended it first) he told me to have sweet dreams and then he also said goodbye again later when my status was on "away" after he logged off. I didn't go online yesterday because I didn't want him to think I was waiting around. My questions for you are:
1) Do you think I still have a chance with him even though I played the desperate card I know I shouldn't have in the beginning as long as I stick to the rules now
2) What do I do now? When should I go online next? What should I say?
Loved your article
Thank-you so much!!
I read your article and immidiatly related to the advice! It's ncie to have a some input from someone whoa ctually knows what they are talking about :)
So now for my dilema, (haha)
Four years ago I became bestfriends with Cameron. A few months into our friendship we decided to date and it went really well for a while. For the next three years, we dated off and on and remained bestfriend in between our dating. At one point we stopped being friends because we were both jelous of eachother dating, but he wouldn't commit specifically to me. Now, we have mended our friendship adn are hanging out very frequently again. It's ncie to have my bestfriend abck and of coarse we still have the chemistry for dating. He drops VERY obvious hints to me about getting back together but I am terrified. We have better chemistry than most people these days and I am still head over heels in love with him. In the past he ahs taken me for granted, and I have done the same to him. We are older now and i'm at the point in my lfie were i want something more permanent. The last time i spent time with him he called afterward and said he wanted to "talk about us. NOT IN A BAD WAY :)" If he does approach the dating situation how can I respond to make him know i'm serious this time, with our him running away?
So the REAL question is, what can i do, if anything, to get him to take me seriosuly and want to date seriously instead of ending up like every other time? Is there any suggestions you have?
Thank you so much for taking time to read this :)
Hey essy, I know you are busy and hectic. Me and my boyfriend broke up a week ago, but he s wanted to break up with me because he felt nothing common between us and he felt I couldn't un derstand him. On that night I kept begging him but he insisted but surprisingly enough he walked to rest room and cried a lil bit. As he saw I was too sad he stayed over. I kept crying for few more hours and he hug me and jus said sorry to me and said wouldn't work out. We only dated for few months but I really love him. Before he left he gave me a hug and kiss me on my cheek.Since I work for his mum I see him almost few times a week. Few days after broke up he saw me and look so weird. I proposed to him to act nothing ever happen between us and he ddin't look to happy but yet he agreed with me. He looked very nervous but tried to act normal. I try to act not sad although deep inside I'm so hurt.
Is there any possibility fr us to be together?? Does he not like me anymore?? He admitted he still like me the day we broke up but he said we just not suitable to be with each toher. Also as i forgot he was very mad as I'm a waitress there r many guys try to take touchme, hug me and kiss me. He wa smad as I ddin't dare to do anything.
I really love him.
Thanks for your attention.
Hey Essy,
My boyfriend and I just broke up about 2 and a half weeks ago. It was a pretty serious relationship, he was living with me and when we got into a fight he moved back in with his parents. We didn't talk for a few days. One day I went to take a shower and my mom went onto my facebook and sent a message saying that she could ruin his life and stuff like that that triggered him to break up with me. We were together for nine months and he said that was the reason he broke up with me. And I have been in contact with him since, and I asked if there's ever a chance for us to get back together and he said he needs time to think. I'm not sure what to do. I'm really worried that he'll chose someone else. While we were in a relationship he was very flirtatious with other girls, and he knew it too. I'm just worried he won't take me back, and I'd like to start from scratch. Whenever i bring anything close to a relationship up, he says he doesn't want to talk about it.
me and my boyfriend had gone out for 2 years and were bestfriends before that. During our 11 months my dad passed away and everything began going down hill. i changed as a person and he did to. afterall we are still young 17 and 18 year olds. He broke up with me a week ago. i've been crying since. the worst part my dad's aniversery for his one year of passing away is in 6 days. i thought he would be there to support me. my boyfriend closed all doors on me...internet, phone, even seeing me in person. im devestated and i dont know we broke up because me and his sister got into an argument and she over exxagerated the whole thing and he chose family over me. me and him were so in long everyone knew it. im torn apart and i've been trying to get a hold of him for a week and texting him non stop but now i have read this is there any chance for me...still:(
Hey, I thought I'd ask you for advice on my situation. My ex and I have been separated for about 6 weeks. We were each other's first loves and were happy together. The reasons for our breakup? He didn't think he wanted to marry me... or what I translate that to is, I'm 23, I want to date around before I commit my life to one girl. We were happy together, but for some reason he bowed out. At first I was all depressed abuot it, but as of about 2 weeks ago, I just started not contacting him in any way. During this period, he has been contacting me at least once every 2-3 days... and like this past weekend he called me at 11 pm saturday night... and sent a text right after that was like "ignore that call, I'm just drunk and dumb". I know for a fact he was out at a party with friends, so how can I interpret this? I know he still thinks about me, and I still want to be with him, but I can't bring myself to talk to him unless I know he wants to get back together. Is he just reacting to not having heard from me? His other contact is usually sending me friendly messages with links to sites he thinks I'll like, or asking me how I'm doing. Maybe he just feels guilty for breaking my heart and wants to make sure I am ok? PS- we dated for 2.5 years.
Thanks for any insight
Hi Essy,
My colleague of 1 year and I had been dating each other for 1.5 yrs now. I had some trust issues when he announced he wont be able to marry me bcoz of religious difference. But I loved him way too much 7 lost my virginity to him by then. I just couldn't bring myself to leave him.
We used to have fights and he started talking to our married co-worker. I used to keep asking him about it but he refused to share any details. It continued for 8 months and we broke up in April. We met in London since we both were on an assignment together and stayed together.
In the meanwhile, he got engaged to some girl he has never met since his parents thought she is the right one.
Now both of us are back, but he keeps talking to the married gal. I know its a bit of flirting and I consider it cheating. He is getting married in Dec.
I cant get over him and I want him to love me. He said he loved me and I was his best friend but he doesn't trust me aymore. How do I change that ? I wont break his home. But he is getting married next year and I want to spend some nice time with him before that.
Well me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago and I can't get him off my mind...some of the tip u said are pretty much what I did I gave him his space...and he still hates me I got a email from him in june saying that he wanted me back but he wanted me to drive an hour and a half so that we could talk things out...I never went because I dont have a car anymore.but before that he told me that he still loved me and that i still hold his heart..we were in the process of getting married in 2010 until he broke it off.He always told me that he would never leave me hold me he would hold me so close it's like everything in the world is gone but us two..and everything I do I can't stop thinking about him I have a new BF and everytime I am with my new BF I keep on picturing that he is my old Ex BF My new BF is so clingy and a little obsessive It makes me want my Old BF more in a normal relationship people have their dis agreements unlike me and my new BF we never had a fight I miss having fights I love my old BF with all my heart and I think that he is the only guy that I ever loved and that I want to be with..I can't eat or sleep it's killing me I feel hopeless
my boyfriend and I just broke up after a year and he said he lost feelings for me. Staying strong is really hard, but it's the right thing to do. Besides if your ex was being needy to you I'm sure you'd find it annoying. Something I do is keep him guessing. My ex asks me what I'm doing and I always say I'm going out somewhere. It makes him wonder with who, and it shows him I'm not home all wasting my tears over him.
Wish id read this like 2years ago!! Mad but my ex is moving in the next month wer barely in contact and he only lives round the cornor, hurts when we see each other we always try to make the other one jealous n couple of times have ended up arguing, Hes still in my head thought. Then again a fell for him when i was 17 and now im 21. In a way ive got to move on! Theres a reason we arnt together and who knows maybe my prince charming is round the cornor right? (Even tho i started going out wit a guy 2weeks ago n dumped him cos he was nothing compared to my ex!!!) Ohh complicated! Lol x
well im only 12 and me and my ex really loved each other so much i have prayed every night asking god 4 him back but right now he is dating one of my bestfriends and her and i were really close but we r not even friends anymore but he says he misses me and still likes me but yesterday he told me he didnt like me so i got 2 stop txting him right? Im so confused
hi essy,
after four days of being without him and spending my time crying about him and contemplating messaging him all the time, i have decided that in order to get him back, i have to try the one method that everyone seems to be telling me to do; not contact him.
I am, however, so afraid of doing this because i'm starting to think that after i stop contacting him, he won't try to contact me back. He is very stubborn and has a lot of pride so i'm starting to think that he will eventually just begin to really want to move on without me!
what should i do? should i just go with it? or be 'cautious' about it??
I dated a man for about five months and knew he was the one. I would've asked him to marry me even. But I did a few things to mess it up and lost some of his trust and we ended up going seperate ways. Although that has been almost 8 months ago, we still hang out every couple months and feel he does it out of boredom for some reason. I want this man back but I clearly won't pressure anyone into anything. Quite frankly, I wouldn't want a man that I have to talk a relationship upon them. So, could you be so kind and maybe give a few pointers how I could show him I'm all about him. I'm so lost!
hi :) i thought this was really helpful...but any other advice on my situation would be great! :)
Basicly me and my ex just broke up a few days ago. We have been together for only 8months and already had a one weeks break. i have noticed that he tends to chnage his reason for us ending....he told me that his feelings wasnt as strong anymore...and then said the reason we are not together anymore is due to the fact that everytime we argue we are back at breaking point,,and he cont cope wiht it anymore. The thing is, i feel like he has given up too soon on our relationship which was really strong, but i suppose i had hit the last straw for him when we last argued and he ended it. He says he wants us to get on..and also that he doesnt feel he wants the relationship anymore. I know they is somthing still their as feels cannot just disappear..but if they have they can come back and i want him to see that. Any other advice on how to get him to listen to me about not giving up or anythin would be great...ty :)
Hi, i know you get sooo many comments and questions but hopefully you will be able to help me too... Me and my boyfriend split 18months ago after a 3 year relationship, i didnt think i was ever going to get him backn after the break up so i moved on and accepted it. we split up before as we were constantly together and then he started to ignore me and wnt to spend more time with his best friend than with me. Hes in the raf so was only home at weekends at that point so i found it hard and we argued alot. after the breakup i found a new partner and so did he. we both split from our partners and somehow got talking again. i have never lost any feelings or love for this man and stil feel the exact same way about him. when we first started talking again it was just normal friend stuff, going out for drinks etc, but shortly after he got posted to afghanistan and i had to spill the beans to him on how i felt. he was shocked but asked if we could talk when he got back on his weeks break. i had heard from all members of his family that he stil loves me and is so happy that we were gonna be back together, talking about settling down etc. He came back and we didnt have the talk til 4days later, i felt like a lost sheep wanting to be with all the time, which is where i think i went wrong. we got back together and he spent 2nights at mine, then later that day after the second night he ended it saying it was dayjavoo and it would happen again adn that it didnt feel right. i just cant understand why he would pour his heart out to his entire family for weeks crying to his mum cos he was soo full of regrets from ending it before. now hes done it again. 2 days after he split with me he had to go back to afghanistan. many think he was just scared but i dont no. im sooo confused of what to do here. i no how he feels about me and he nos how i feel bout him. i didnt even feel this low the last time, iv barly eaten in days with having no appitite and every song reminds me of him, especially the one he told me to listen to, the lines went "lets just get back together we should have never broke up" i know its cheesy but its sweet. i love him soo much its unreal and i know he loves me too as he told me.
please help!!
hi essy my situation is horrible
that my x has disappeared on me becoz there is no future for the reltionship.
and he is my teacher and boss at the same time.. i feel that i lost him on all levels i lost my very best teacher in the world i can't do any moe cases with him becoz he is not teachin me the same way he used to do.
I broke up with my boyfriend of two because we got into a fight. He said he needed a break and I suggested the break up. He immediately said can we be friends and it took my by surprise. We were completely in love. I told him a day later it was a mistake, and i made an even bigger mistake by begging him on the phone for 3 hours to take me back. I said everything I could possibly say to convince him to change his mind. He talked to my friends and knew how upset I was. He called and asked how I was. Than i saw him at a party and we completely ignored eachother. This was even more painful. The next morning I called him asking him if he missed us at all or regretted anything. He said no and that I needed to move on because he is moving on. I still can't believe this has happened. It has been two weeks since we have talked and it's like we don't know eachother at all. I still miss him everyday and want him back. I never thought in a million years he would ever breakup with me.
This is the best article ever!
It made me gather myself and start thinking logically.. After my boyfriend said he didn't want me anymore I was devastated and very upset for days! Then I found this article and it has the best advice anyone could have given to me. Its great seriously..
By the way I got my boyfriend back!!!
Thanks so much!!!
If it wasn't for this article I would have been pathetically
begging him back...
I broke up with my bf in June, but realised couple weeks ago that I made a mistake, but just as I did, he met someone else. So whereas in June and July he was trying to get ME back, by August he wanted nothing to do with me and was well into this new girl.
Unfortunately, I went down the hysterical, jealous and depressed path, begging him to take me back and wouldn't take no for an answer. I wish I had read your article earlier!!!!
I started acting as you suggested, and he is at least talking to me and not so scared of me which is good, but still well and truly seeing this other girl.
He is a hopeless romantic and falls hard and fast for a girl, so even though they have only been seeing each other a couple of weeks and only few dates, I'm soooo gutted. He is an absolute babe with an amasing personality and makes a girl feel like a goddess (I know, why the hell did I leave him? but that's another story), and apparently the girl is really lovely and very likable. SO, he is probably already developing strong feelings for her and she would be crazy to not be responsive so I'm sure they're blissfully happy this first month.
HELP - is it too late for me to get him back? What is the best course of action?
Lili xoxo
(very depressed but acting strong as you suggested)
I've just broken up with my boyfriend of 15 years. We had planned to start a family, but both needed to tidy up our lives first (smoking, drinking etc). I would start to tidy up, but then get slip back into old habits. He told me he couldn't go through it anymore & wanted a baby so bad, but I wasn't doing what I needed to. He said he still loves me. I asked him to give me 1 last chance & if I hadn't changed in 2 months that I would accept it was over for good. He said no & I needed to move on. Please help me!! He means the whole world to me & is my best friend. I don't want to be with anyone else & feel sick everytime I think of him being with someone else in the future & possibly starting a family. How am I gonna get him back? At this stage, I'm feeling low, alone, lost & so upset. I really want him in my life. I hope you can help me. Thanks so much
my boyfriend and i were together for a little over a year. we have broken up twice before but gotten back together with in a week or two. This time he said he's not sure of what he wants. I cried in front of him when he broke up with me, but since then ive been acting cheerful around him. He still comes over every day and he text me every day. the past few nights he would me text me. i would text him for a bit then not text him back.. This after noon he sent me a text saying im getting sick of you not texting me back. What are your thoughts? do you think we have a chance of getting back together?
hey my bf just broke up with me a month ago i have been texting him and calling and pleading and well its not working. im sad all the time and i want him back. He says he does not want a relationship right now.. i dont know what to do . im afraid that if i tell him that the break up was a good idea he will just move on.Im so confused he said that we fought all the time and he does not want to go through that again and i know that i wont want to. But the biggest mistake i made was taking a break after a year of going out. I want him to be how he use to be with me but it feels impossible .... please help
Hey my bf broke up with me a while back and i've been trying to get him back for months. Reading your article, i have realised that i have gohn about it all the wrong way. I really want him back, but i think i've ruined my chances. Would it still work after all my bad efforts?
I would very much aprciate it if you could help me out here. I hope to hear from you. Thank you for the article. It was fabulous.
so me and my boyfriend broke up 2 weeks ago,after dating for 1 year and 5 months.why he broke up with me was because he lied to me about hanging out with a girl, and he tells me that i was not letting him hang out with his friends and i was "sufocating" him. but i want him back so bad and he is sending me mixed feelings. but he doesnt think he is, the other day he winked at me and then drove me home from school. and after i read your article i was thinking that i can get over it and make him want me like i want him, thanks for all your help haha. but can you help me and what i should do now
I just wanted to say thank you for your article! My ex broke up with me about 5 days ago, and its been SO hard, and your advice is really helping me to start to think straight and convince me not to contact him. Anyway, I know you can't answer specific questions so I won't ask any, I just wanted to thank you for your article.
well i am 13 nd i am young nd prob dnt know a lot bout love but i cant get over him. well it started out i was goin out with one of his freinds nd we broke up nd i hve always liked the one him meaning the one i hve the issue with
so we started goin out nd i loved it! (:
but, my friend didnt like him nd i was over at her house nd she convinced me to break up wit him. so he was mad at me for a bit nd i did wat u said not to do was nagged him told him how much i messed up nd how i wish i cuud fix thing nd how i wanted a second chance nd he said no me nd u r over period nd said he sdidnt want to be friends it broke my heart when he txted me dat
my friend said one of the things u said to act completely differrent nd dnt tlk to him nd said he wuud come bck nd i dnt wanna give up on him ya no?
so wut should i do please tell me i am despret i love him /:
I live in my husband's country. I don't have full rights here yet. I've been married to him him for 3 years. We separated a few times and came back together - he has funny moods.
He went to live in his friend's flat for the last month as his friend went on holiday and told me I had to move out of the flat by the time he got back. I haven't done. He came back last night I asked to stay one more night he said I could and was v friendly with me.
Today he went to work but before he left asked me where I would leave the key - to indicate I still had to go. I was planning to go stay in a hostel - but to be truthful I have no money to afford it, I'm desperately in love with him and I cannot face going back to my home country - there is nothing for me there and I will miss him all my life if I leave now. I am completely stuck. I can't act like I have another life and that I'm my own person which is what I need to do to get him back, because I don't have my own house to live in where I can be pretending to have an independent life from!
Even though I changed in the last month and got my own life and sense of self back, I don't know how to act now because if I behave independent and uninterested in him or interested in other guys ( which I'm not ) to get his attention, he will for sure make me leave as I don't have any rights to stay in our home in this country - honestly I don't and no there is no organisation that can help me at all (it's a racist country that I live in.)
I know it's important to look a bit different to get your partners attention after you break up but I don't have any money to buy anything new to wear. What can to get his attention without spending money which I don't have !!! How do I get him back. He is giving me mixed messages flirting with me and being kind then rejecting me at the same time. I don't know how to speak with him. Forgetting him is not an option. I do not care about moving on. I love him deeply from the centre of my soul.
I need your help..My ex has recently decided that he wanted to try to make it work with his ex fiance. They dated for about 6 years and were engaged for only a month or so, before he called it off to be with me. We were together for about 3 years..The whole time wasnt serious..Anyways, I need your help. I do not want to lose him, he is the love of my life, and a great wonderful person. I have already made the mistake of crying in front of him, and telling him he was the one. But today is a new day, I read your article and please help me. If he text should I text him back? I am sure he will text in a day or two to see how i am doing, Please reply! Thanks for your article...
i have a problem...i just did the pity tactic??and it really suck!He told me that I'm driving him away more!
Do you think the strategy listed above will still work?
Thank you!
im really n love with im n i jist cant help stayn away frm him
What can i do if my ex boyfriend leave me for another girl ? Our relationship only last 9 days , but i still love him
Hey Essy and all you girls,
Well, I'm in absolute awe of this website. I wish I'd have found it within the 6 weeks ago when my boyfriend of 3 years left me! I guess if i'm honest, I always thought I had the control, because I "knew" how much he loved me. But if I can advise you all of one thing, and especially if you're here pre-breakup, don't take for granted how he feels...
After he left one Sunday afternoon after yet another explosive row, I suppose I just thought he'd come back, like he always did. Sure enough, the following day he bombarded me with texts of utter regret and how he wanted to be with me forever. However, despite how much I wanted him back, my rational side (long may it live!) said not to do anything hasty, let him take a few days to think it through. Historically he'd changed his mind on numerous occasions. One minute he'd want to be with me, the next minute he didn't. So I decided to let it take it's course. Despite this one day of "love texts" from him, after a few days I realised his attitude had changed. Perhaps it was the lack of control, but I got desperate, emotional, pleaded, all of the above and more and all of a sudden the shift of power was relentless. It went from me him wanting me back, to him shutting down. He never detached himself from us completely, we own a house together so not really possible, but he came round one day and announced that there was someone else he liked. My world collapsed. My knees buckled from under me. Everything I thought I knew about him, and us, was gone in a split second. I since found out, irrefutably, he'd been texting this other girl, and since we'd split had gone out on a date with her and kissed. And this was only snippets of what I knew, so god only knows what else there was to tell that during our relationship that he wasn't owning up to...
Anyway, to cut a long story short. Our relationship was going wrong a long time before this other person came on the scene. He claims nothing is going on with her now, but it's very possible he just doesn't want to hurt me. Trouble is, he's actually a "good guy"....well, that's what we all think isn't it. The lies are the hardest thing to deal with. I think I could actually get past this other girl, despite what others might think, but it's the trust that is in jeopardy. After much deliberation I downloaded TW's book, and it's really great at actually letting you question why or if you want them back, and for the first time in weeks I'm actually wondering whether it's him I really miss, or just not having him.
In the back of my mind of course i'm hoping for a fairytale reconciliation, that he'll see the error of his ways, come running back with open arms. But honestly, as much as guys like the chase, is it not possible that we women also just want what we can't have?
To all you wonderful, beautiful women out there, all I can say, is take time to look at how amazing you are, don't focus all your attention on them. Sometimes the not being able to have something or someone can cloud your judgement. The fact is, maybe the fact they've hurt you, means they simply don't deserve you. On the other hand, if losing something makes you realise you didnt know what you had, fight for it. But above all love yourself, never lose yourself, be true to you, as the beautiful person you are, and the rest....well let the universe and fate decide. Remember, true love is not about finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. And that goes for both of you….
i made a mistake of calling my bf 3x today after breaking up w him 5 days ago.
2 mondays ago: i told him we're done coz i felt he's constant dishonesty. then he told me to make sure it's what i wanted coz i would still be miserable.
2 wed ago: he recalled me and told me he "really really missed me". i didnt call him but the next day, i paid him unannounced visit. he told me he had plans at 4pm so i had to leave him. but he had a gift for me ready on sat.
2 fri ago: i called him reminding him i was coming over
2 sat ago: when i called he said he'd be busy but hed hangout w me sunday
sunday: i played a game and told him i couldnt come over coz id be busy. i expected him disappointed but instead he said "ok..."
that day, i told him we're over. i deleted my myspace and blocked him from receiving his email
since, he's called me and said to me how he missed me.
today saturday: wouldve been our 6 mts. i called him 3 diff times. i think i made him realized that i really missed him, too, coz he left me a msg that he's hoping i was ok and that he knew id be strong.
he told me to call him at 930pm. it's now 1050p - i didnt call him at all
what could happen? yes, i want to be back w him coz i dont believe in replacement. he's only my 2nd bf and want him to be my final bf (coz all guys r same)
Hello I really think your article could help me in many different ways, but there are some complications in the way of your strategy. For example, the staying away from my ex is extremely difficult. I would really like to have a conversation with you and explain more about my situation to try and get some help. Please e-mail me. My address is firstname.lastname@example.com
Thank you so much.
I really love your article, it is very helpful!
I really need help...
My boyfriend and I know each other for 7 years, and we were together for the past 4 years. He is a wonderful man, he did everything for me, really. And me for him.
But 2 years ago I learned that he cheated on me for the first year of our relationship, it has been very hard on me, and from that moment I couln't trust him anymore. I started to check his phone bills, asking him where is was going and who was he going wih, etc... I was also ALWAYS making sarcastic comments about it. I couldn't forgive him for what he did. From that moment our relationship changed a lot. I took me 2 years to forgive him (I have to say that he cheated on me 5 times in a year).
But now (for the past 2 years) he has changed A LOT, really a lot, he stoppped seing his friends or going to partys too often, he doesn't sees those girls anymore, etc.
Bu the fact that I kept talking about what happened before, really killed our relationship. He gradually started to push himself away from me because I was getting possessive.
A year ago I finnally started to let this go. But at that moment the relationship was already changed (in a bad way).
From that time, we went up and down. We were breaking up, making up, around 4 times a year (for the past 2 years).
Each time HE left me telling me that he wasn't feeling good in the relationship anymore, that everything has changed, etc..
We also took lot of breaks. But now for the past months everything was fine, these last 5-6 months, everything has been great. He was talking about trying to live together again etc (the first time didn't worked out).
I was very hapy with him and he seemed very happy with me too. But a week ago he left me telling me that he couldn't stay in the relationship anymore because he wasn't feeling good with himself anymore, and with his own life. He also told me 100 times that "it isn't because of me" but that it's him who has problems.
I told me he still loves me but can't be in a relationship anymore.
In the first place I stopped speaking to me for 3-4 days, bloking me on msn, deleting me for facebook and he also changed his phone number. But when I spoke to this aunt she told me he was suffering a lot, espceially after he sees me.
Now he called me back and we see each other "as friends" we had really a good time the other day and he was very romantic, giving me flowers, opening the doors for me, etc.
And he was flirting with me, he even kissed me.
But when I saw him today he was changed, he was very distant and seemed mad and he told me : " stop running after me, I won't come ack with you, we are only friends and if you still ask me questions about why we broke up, we'll stop seeing each other". Abd at the restaurant he told me that when we were seeing each othe in the time we meet I wasn't so negative, I was positive. I seemed to miss that person I was.
But a few hours after he said that he called me to know if I came home safe.
I'm all mixed up now. Do you think I still have chances? What should I do?
Thank you SOO much!!!
I'm all mixed up because when he's flirty and seems like he wants something else, but without being in a realtionship. And I don't know what to do. Because, at the same time, he is REALLY sure he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. And sometimes when he looks at me he seems so in love! But he seems to hurt at the same time?
Should I be friends with him, as if nothing happened, and ry to be the person he once met? I don't know how to act...
He seems to hurt a lot, I see it in his eyes, then why does he accepts to see me almost every day if it's hurting him?
He says he can't stay in a relationship anymore, but he sees me as often as we did before! what the...!
I'm so lost! Please help!
Thank you so much!
Hi...so my boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me a week ago i am so torn and really want him back ....i blocked him on facebook and like took everything that reminded me of him in a box... he said we can be friends and i said not right now we can't ...i feel like he isn't upset like i am ...i just don't think he cares ...the break up was my fault I took my fustration out on him for the past year or so i just had so much going on but the beginning of the relationship was fine ...as you probable can tell im really lost ... i haven't contacted him except on tuesday when he said he is sorry and that ill find someone better and we can be friends ...which i don't know if he means it when he says he wants to be friends... help me please
Thank you ( =
yes.....so true i went through it myself. the 1st time we broke up i had my own pitty party and begged for him to come back, he wanted nothing to do with me! Its like he had the upper hand. Well we broke up again... lets just say that i didnt waste my time waitn around for him, and found SOMETHING to keep my mind busy!!! When he seen that i didnt want him he did everything in the world to get me back. Men like the chace why, i dont know.
hi there.. i am visiting my exboyfreind in a different country, i havnt seen him for 8months, and i know i am being clingy and touchy feely because i havent seen him for a while, and he still likes me but hes trying to make the boundries obvious. so he refuses to like touch me and get all touchy feely. well today i got in a fight with him caz i guess i was being all nosy and touchy feely.. now he is like really mad and i think he went out to go hook up with someone else :(... i dont want to go home with us fightting... i still love him and i want to let him know that i will love him no matter what....
i want to feel him and be close to him but i know i shouldnt but theres no time...
hi essy!!!
i totally need your help!!! :(
my boyfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago and it seems as if he doesn't even care that he did it. he said we could be friends but ever since the break-up we havent had any type of contact. i dont know whether that is a good thing but i really miss him and im thinking of going up to him at school and telling him how i feel because i am tired of keeping everything bottled up inside. i am just so confused. i really fell for him. and we didnt even go out for that long. ive asked my friends for advice but all they say is, "oh, he doesn't know what hes missing out on." you might think that would make me feel better but it doesnt. and to make matters even worse, he broke up with me on the phone. and he said it so rudely. this is how the conversation went:
him: umm... can i ask you something?
me: yeah.
him: what do you think about us breaking up?
me: why?
him: because ive been thinking about it and...
me: so, youve been thinking about breaking up with me?
him: yeah, i just feel as if i dont know you well enough. i mean ive only known you for a month and a half. and plus we dont even spend that much time together.
me: you think that we dont spend enough time together? we see each other like every day.
him: well yeah but... i think that we should break up and see other people. um...
me: so youre breaking up with me because you think you dont know me well enough? i thought that was the reason we were going out: to get to know each other better.
him: well i think we should break up.
me: so youre breaking up with me?
him: sorry, but yeah.
me: oh my gosh!!!
him: .....
me: well..... okay. bye.
him: bye.
yeah, it was dumb. he just dumped me out of the blue. i didnt even see it coming. the day before everything seemed fine. we were holding hands and everything. it came as a shock to me. i dont know what went wrong!!! :( so, essy, do you think i should talk to him one day at school? i mean, yeah, you said that acting like everything is okay is the best thing to do but i cant do that because i have to see him every day because he goes to the same school as me. and we have like the same group of friends. so what should i do; talk to him and tell him how i feel OR completely ignore him and feel despressed? please tell me what to do!!! i really like him.
my boyfriend and i just kinda broke up i guess. he left with out saying anything and he wouldnt look at me. the night before this happened though we got really drunk and he hit me and family members i was with beat him up for hitting me. i tried calling him he just wont talk to me at all. he also moved out of town. what should i do? and he also left most of his stuff at my house...
hi essy
I broke up with my boyfriend last month.
We were seeing each other from last 7 months.
Two months back he went abroad for further studies. We were not in contact then for around 20-25 days.
Once I met him over the internet and he talked about having a break up.
I tried to convince him for not breaking up but he didn't listen to me so we had a break up. Same day he told me that he wanted me in his life as a friend, we agreed upon that.
But i cant stop myself from loving him.
I love him and want him back.
plz help!!
Hey Essy:)
So my boyfriend broke up with me about a month and half ago and eventhough i try to tell myself otherwise i still want to be with him. we were only together for 2 months but my feelings were really strong towards him.
i honestly feel stupid for still wanted to be with him. all my friends tell me that i can do better and i know i can but it doesnt matter cause i want him. its kinda hard to get over him cause we have the same friends and we study together. i basically see him everyday.
when he broke up with me, he told me he just didnt feel the same anymore and eventhough it killed me i was fine with it.
i dont know if its what i want to think or not but i feel like he still wants to be with me but doesnt show it.
i really want to get back with him.
what should i do? :/
please help
i am having problem, it's been 6 n half months i am trying to get my boyfrnd back by begging him even been two n half months he switched of the fone and he talk to me once or twice a month on msn. how can i get him back
let me tell you bit more of my story. wel i know this guy for nearly two years. he left me 6 and half months back. we had an arguments about little thing. i was trying to back him back even begged. he is not willing to come back. he used to talk to me but its been 2 n half months he switched off the fone and he talk to me on msn once or twice a week and he said he is moved on and he would never come back.i begged him and he got angry and when ever i say i loove him he go mad and say he would never speak to me again. i do leave 4-5 emails a day and leave msn online i dont get reply but once a month he talk to me and say he is moved on.
do u think there is any chance that he can come back bcoz i have lost a hope.
Hey , my bf just broke off with me on 13th of October because of some communication problems that we faced like SMS-es.. At first I thought he agreed with me that I do not have much time to spend as I was studying in a university and bombarded with many projects and assignments... He sent an SMS saying that lets breakup and hope that I find another guy... The relationship was about half a year.I really miss him so much now... we are still on talking terms via MSN.. I asked for another chance ,but he totally ignore my question.
I dunno what to do now.. Many pple advice me to give up on him as they say that his heart is no longer with me he has lose interest in me. Deep in my heart, I still love him.. I know where my mistakes are already and Im willing to redeem myself as long as he give me a second chance to correct things.. I really want to work things out... Im afraid I will lose him if I dont get back to him asap.. Im afraid time will fade all his feelings away.. sobx
Someone pls help... Im trying to shift my focus to other things but somehow my heart feel rotten and terrible.. It feels like you cant breathe anymore or like rubber bands tight around yr heart.
Any advice besides the mentioned article above ??
I really liked your article.Thank you for your advice! What do I do if I was the one who walked away? I was dating this guy and we had commitment issues, but things were going great and we were talking about moving forward in our relationship! and we had great chemistry and a lot of things in common. One day we got in a real bad argument... Alot of mean things were said... He told me not to contact him, yet he said it wasnt a goodbye.( Very confusing) So he calls me two days later saying he wanted to give me some of my things back, so I decided to give him all the things I had of his and just end it, because during the argument he said he couldnt be with me and he said so many mean things. No words were said during the exchange of our things. I miss him and am very sad how things ended. What should I do?
i read the rules and what to do and i already made two mistakes i kept callin him an i let him know i miss him n how much he hurt me, but i tried your rules any way and now he's callin me names and hugged another girl and said he's glad i got over him so quickly cause he got over me too and then he introduced me to his new girl friend!, and laughed at me and told me to get lost. the reason he split up wiv me is cause i am not as popular as him at school and his mates came before me and i gave him my heart and now i have no idea what to do. i tried your first advice and it didn't work for me, he now hate's me ,but i still want him back so please has anyone got any more advice i need it asap.
hi there essy:). im a pessimist and i try my best not to hope. how do i know that getting back with my Ex is possible?
my ex lives all the way in singapore and im in indonesia. i don't see him, and the only way i can talk to him is through sms or msn. other than that, he is one of the strongest people i know. so when his mind is set into getting over me, i actually believe he will.
is there still a chance?
Ok what if your bf broke up with you... but it was your fault. Does your steps still count.
I tried not to contact him but it has been 2wks, and he hasn't care at all. He was spending his time with his friends, and seems like he's having loads of fun without me.
He even posted on his facebook : Finally, i have never felt so relieved and free.
Is the relationship not coming back anymore?
My boyfriend of 5 yrs and I broke up in August. He'd apparently met someone and they began dating. I was devastated so when we began talking again, I was just happy to have him back in my life. A month after we broke up, we began sleeping together and he said that he wanted to reunite with me, though he's still involved with the other woman. Another month has since past, so I told him to give me a date for our re-commitment and final reuniting. That date is 2 months from now. Is there anyway for me to get him back sooner? Again, he's still involved with the new woman. I want him back though and believe he wants to be back with me. Please help me out.
Thank you so much for this advice!!! I needed something to rely on and your article was there ;] thank you
I'll pass this on to some of my friends too who is having this same problem going on.
I just wanted to say thankyou so so so much for posting this.
My boyfriend broke up with me and came back to me literally within a week!
I took the advice of not contacting him and within 2 days he couldn't leave me alone.
He kept telling me how wrong he felt and asked if we could meet up so i said we would talk about it.
Not even a week later we're back together.
Thanks for giving me confidence and hope.
And for any girls who are wondering if these tips actually work, trust me, they do!
well i have an unusual situation.. I had a boyfriend that i was in love with and we broke up because he "wasn't sure it's what he wanted" so i was devastated. He has an ex that i decided to date (yes it's a girl) but i only dated her to get back at him..ha it worked but i couldn't stand the girl, so i broke up with her. anyway his ex is now at his house everyday and it just hurts me everytime i drive past. anyway i need some help. i don't know how to let it not make me furious. advice pleeassee =]
i broke up with ex a year ago.to some extent it was my mistake coz i used to have a dominating temperment.but he never sad anything and when i went away for studies he started flirting and when i found out he broke up with me.i thought i'll move on to but couldn't..then i thought to make him jealoue i'll go out with someone else, but that didnt help too.i still love him and cannot imagine him with someone else.i even expressed to him that i still love him which i shouln't have done. help me. i really love him alot.
My bf broke up with me.We were together for a year and a half and he told me he didn't love me like I loved him... I was devastated. I did the pity thing for a while and he got back with me but I let him go because I didn't want to trap him. I was pitiful for the week afterward and then I tried to move on by dating someone else. ( during that situation my parents decided they hated him and his decided they hated me) I stopped trying to date the guy and I'm trying to act strongly, but I'm having trouble with it. My parents will likely disown me if I get back with him (if I can...) I'm confused. I really want him to love me again, but I'm not sure how... and I think I really should move on, but he and his family meant a LOT to me... Do I just... give up? What can I do...?
Hi. I love your article and i need some advise.
I know my Ex bf 12 years ago.
We were once together for 2 years.
I did a huge mistake when i'm in college.
I told him that i admire someone. But i said that just to get more of his attention.
At that time we were in different college.
I admit that he is indeed good looking.
I'm so afraid that other girls will go crazy in love with him.
But after since i told him that i admire someone else.
We lost contact.
He didn't call me at all.
I had always been missing him.
He live just 2Km away from me.
We've been apart for 6 years.
but i really think that i need to catch up on him.
What should i do??
hi esmerelda.
my boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago and he had a girlfriend, but they recently broke up. I keep reading all these websites saying to act like "you've moved on". unfortunately, whenever i think i should do that, it seems that my ex believes that I have and doesn't want anything to do with me because i've "moved on"
I went to a party the other night and my ex(that i want back) and another one of my clingy exboyfriends(who i dont want whatsoever) were both there. The whole night i could see my ex that i want back staring at me and everything just felt so in place but i couldn't talk to him. there were many chances for me to be able to but i couldnt bring myself to do it. my clingy exboyfriend kept coming up to me throughout the night trying to get back with me and i told him that i wasnt in the mood and everytime he was over by me my other ex that i want back just kept staring over and everytime he saw, he seemed upset with me and it always seemed like he wanted to come talk to me UNTIL my clingy ex came by me.
all in all, i just dont know how to get him back without making him jealous or anything because thats ehat every site and everything i've read and heard tells me to do.
any ideas??
Thanx for the info!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm sure it will help me:)
I have a bit of a different problem.
I have been with my boyfriend for two years, we are on our way to get engaged, and married.
we decided to move in together after the engagement,
just found a house for us, already decided on the furniture, our december holiday with the parents..
I saw lipstick on him and freaked out, broke into his email and facebook and wrongly accused this man in my life. found out the lipstick was mine, laying on the floor and the towel was over my chair,
wrongly accused the love of my life, he is not willing to forgive me, says he cant be with someone who cant trust him, wedding plans are of, house everything,
question is what now, how do you go on with your life, our lives where planned together.
he is stubborn and says, if he gives this another chance he looses his dignity,
he is not willing to listen and understand i panicked when i saw the lipstick.
while browsing on his emails i even saw he already picked out a ring for me.
if lost the best person in my life because of my insecurities, how do u win back someone that you hurt, and broken the trust
my boyfriend told me a month ago that we would be engaged before the end of the year .. then this weekend he broke up with me .. he said we shouldnt have to try this hard o make it work .. when we are both in school and work .. we dont live together .. i am so at a loss right now .. this is the second time we have broken up .. but last year it was because we fought so much .. now he is saying that he just doesnt think this is what he wants anymore ..
do you think that we can get back together eventually and make it work ?? or am i just living with false hope ??
well i have already done the no self worse things, it's been 2 weeks i called once in 2 weeks and did the mental breakdown via txt twice. am i doomed? or is it possible to start this no contact win him back thing now? i feel like a moron and lame!!!
thank you for the article.. lately, i've been like crazy messaging him and thinking of him a lot.. when i stop communicating, he bugs me again and i cannot resist talking to him.. but now i realized, that by doing so, he won't miss me.. and also, i need to love myself more now coz my appetite is affected plus i dont get enough sleep.. oh, this break up is so hard for me!! 5 years has gone to waste i guess..
Hi, My boyfriend and I broke up 5 months ago and started seeing eachother again 2 months after the break up. We started off just seeing eachother like one day a week and then it moved to 2 days and so on. Now we are seeing eachother all the time and he is always telling me how much he likes me and cares about me. I'm juts incredibly confused because I know he is seeing another girl. I am quite sure that it is just as friends but they do go on veryyy occasional dates. I have a horrible feeling of jealousy, him and I were together for 2 1/2 years and I hate the thought of him being with someone else. I respect the fact that he told me the truth about her but I just want him to figure out what he wants. He said that he really wants to end up being with me and his actions show that but then when he spends time with her it totally f's with my head. I need some advice. Should I just stop talkiing to him and make him think im more of a challenge then I really am or what? I told him that he needs to stop juggling two girls and that I don't think its healthy for me (which is isn't). I Really dont want to let him slip away and I know in the end I reallllly do want to be with him, he's my best friend. What do i do?
Hi, Essy I need your advice. I have been with my Ex for 6years we were engaged for 10 months we broke up 3 months ago. He did me wrong but I still love him. I have feeling for him but I am hurt it is unthinkable to get back with him but I would like him to turn around to change but I don't believe on this you can change a man maybe inspire him but you can't change someone no matter who you are. We blank talk for 2 months but recently he is sending signal like he wants to talk to me but me I am being strong and pushing away all kind of contact. His family still keep in touch with me but they all acting like they are not aware or not mentioning that we are not together. I don't know what to do in a part my heart crying to get back at him but my feelings are hurt because of his cheating, lying type of character. Please advice me tell me something, Guide me in a way that should know what to do.
my bf and i have ben together for almost 2 years. then out of the blue he breaks up w/ me. not in person but over a text, i was crushed immediately, i called him beggin him to come back then he finally gave in, then 20 minutes later he sent me a text that he needed space and that he just wanted to have fun for a while. so i left him alone for the longest time, then out of the blue he sent me a text saying that he wanted talk. so i agreed to talk. even tho it hurt really bad. he talked to me about his current sex life and his drinkin life. he then asked me about mine if i had changed, so i was honest with him. i have nothing to hide. after i told him he was shocked and he kept asking more questions. then the next night he wanted to talk again. so i again agreed to it. he told me that he knew that i still loved him, but he just need to get his hormones out of the way, and his running around. I don't know what to i love him more than anything in the world, and i'd give anything to get him back. i feel safe with him, and i know that he still loves me (well i think he does) he told me that he really really cares alot about me. his mom says that i still have a chance and that he still loves me, but im hurting so bad. i was hurting so bad i found another guy and i dated him for about a month, and we got a little carried away with what we were doing, and i then found out that i wasn't over my ex. and that it took me goin too far to prove it to myself that im still in love with my ex. should i wait? i honestly don't know what to do.. i love him and he means the world to me.
i have a huge problem! before i read this awesome advice, i already did the pity tactic. i called several times leaving voicemails while crying and begging him back. i texted pleading for him to give me another chance. i had no idea that was the WRONG thing to do. is there any chance at all i can fix this, and still have a chance of getting him back?
hey essay hv been with my bf for 2 yrs the relationship has been bad this yr. he cheated on me and has not lost contact with the person he did it with. this has really hurt the realaionship. he recently told me he doesn't love me but cares about me...what do i do..have cries so much..it's even worse cuz we live together..do u believe that we can get back together if he doesn't love me anymore. is caring for someone Alot te same as loving someone?
So this is my situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half(1 1/2). We startin dating when he came back from his first year at university and had been doin the long distance last year and the start of this year. Its hard because we both don't have vehicles and trains/buses can get expensive so we don't see eachother often. Our summers are devoted entirely to eachother. This year back at school, we have had a hard time getting back into the routine that worked for us last year. Well, over halloween weekend i went to visit him and he completely from the party and when i had talked to him about it, he was saying that i over reacted and was making a bigger deal than it was. We fought for a while over little things that i never knew bothered him. That sunday going back on the train had me thinking. So, sunday night we talked and decided to break up. It was what he wanted. Monday he talked to me because we decided to stay as friends and i had asked him if this is what he really wanted, telling him if it wasn't that id be willing to continue to work on this but his only response was that it was too late to go back and 1 day wasn't enough time. So plan A had failed miserably so i went to plan B and just work on myself. I do love him very much and i miss him terribly and wish he could soon realize what he lost. I wouldn't talk to him, but he would message me on msn (he says that he was worried how i was handling everything). We talked about the friends with benefits idea but decided it might not work out. Than over the weekend i had gone home which was really nice to stay busy and not dwell on my feelings. He kept texting me, talking to me on msn but i didn't want to talk to him because the entire time i never felt pain or suffering from him but only concern for me. This isn't a bad thing but i didn't feel as if he was hurting from this breakup and i didn't put any impact on him for that year and half. On the weekend he had told me when i got back to school that he wasn't doing to well. It had finally hit him that we weren't together anymore and he felt as if he hasn't blown enough steam. I told him to talk to me and we talked about our pasts and what brought us to break up, i now understand why he "broke up" with me. He felt i was too immature and that i wasn't on the same page as him. He wanted to give me that space to grow and enjoy my time for when i go to holland this summer on a work abroad experience. We finally decided to go ahead with the whole open-relationship idea. We were both really excited and i had completely forgotten about the pain, suffering, and horrible things i had to endure. It had dawned on me a little while after that i am in no position to accept or handle the fact that he will be sleeping wth other people. Im tryin to be really strong. Not crying a whole lot or thinking about it because final exams are coming up and i can't fall behind. I talked to him about how i was feeling because i really wanted to have everything we agreed upon but couldn't handle it at the moment. I still wanted to see him, hang out as friends, and talk to him but it wouldn't feel like anythin was different from when we were dating which would make it only harder for me to have that chance to move on when hed be looking at it as only casual or friends. He understood everything i told him completely and said that his intentions are never to hurt me so if im ready to do it, than we will if not we will just remain as friends and talk on occasion. Now that hes not talking to me anymore, i want him so bad. I want to talk to him desparately but i know i can't. I know that if i do, he will never get his space or grow or yet alone miss me at all. He is really busy with school which i understand and he is working towards getting into law school and becoming a lawyer so his workloads are increasing and pressure / demands are higher. We had our problems with me not feeling wanted. I felt as if he had me as a side thing and im always there so he could do whatever pleased him than come to me when he had the free time. His sports, friends, school all came before me. which ok, i can handle that but when i do visit him i still feel like i don't exist while surrounded beside him with all his friends but when the lights go out, its all about me :S which is hard to handle.
What can i continue to do to keep working on giving him his space without ruining or breaking my chances of getting him back. Is there anythin i should be doing for myself also?
Please let me know.
Dear Essy,
My boyfriend broke up with me last night and I feel lost and confused. So what did I do? I typed 'how to win a guy back' into google, and I came across your page, which seems really helpful. You see, I only started university 2 months ago and I got together with my boyfriend straight away. He had just broke up with a long term girlfriend whereas I have never had a serious relationship. We clicked straight away and our relationship developed very quickly as we live in the same house so everything is amplified. Although we have only known each other for 2 months it feels like we've known each other for years. The thing is, we were really happy together up until a few days ago when everything suddenly changed. He started avoiding sex, then just avoiding me in general, not sleeping in my room, being really distant. He told me I was being too clingy and i told him that it feels like he can't be bothered anymore. We spoke last night and it turns out that he is always comparing our relationship to the awful relationship he had with his ex. He told me he's scared to get too close because we'll end up hating each other, so he just wants to be friends. I know what he means but I just want him back! It's hard to avoid him because we live together and we have the same friends. What am I suppose to do? I just want him back :(
Please help me xx
Hey..my bf just broke up with me ydy after 2 years 2dgr..we wer very close and did everything together so obviously im devestated..we had a fight a few days ago about how i was being so hard on him lately and i apoligised to him and promised it wouldnt happen again..since i said that he started acting differntly towards me like he was taking advantage of what i said then last night said he didn't want us to be together as we fought too much..i begged him not to let me go and then decided maybe if i agree with him he would change his mind now he's txtn me askin can we meet up in a little while and see how things go..what will i do?..i know i should keep him stewing for a while but i want him back soon as my birthdays next week and christmas is only around the corner..x
hey essy remember me? 7months ago? Well remember I told you I would let you know what ended up happening? Well we finally got back together after like 8 and a half months!!! phew!! finally! Just wanted to let you know how things played out. Thanks for everything I really appreciate it...
My boyfriend just broke up with me yesterday and I really loved him. His reason was that he "didn't feel anything for me anymore" and that "he still wanted to be friends". I knew this was coming because he was becoming less and less passionate, we never got together anymore and I had to tell him to kiss me. I told him I wasn't ready for it to end but we broke up anyway. How exactly do I get him back cus I miss him so much!
Hola Essy,
So ive been reading some of ur advice and suggestions to other people and think ur probably one of the most experienced and smartest person to come to... so, my story is...
Me and my boyfriend dated for 2 1/2 years, and Halloween Day, we met outside of a party where he told me he wanted to talk, so, when i met him there, he got really nervous, and couldnt look me in the eyes and was really shacky and said "i think we need to break up, i dont think its working out" and basically... i got one of my friends to ask him why he did it and... basically its because we fought too much (thats what he told her)... like, little fights every other day... and it was a lot of me nagging him about stupid things all the time... but you know, obviously i miss him, and ill do a lot to get him back, i mean.. we were REALL in Loooove. It was different from any other relationship... we grew up with eachother, like, we were eachothers 1st kiss, 1st hand hold, 1st i love you... you get it.. i dont want to walk away form him.
so, we havent talked in person really the past 2 weeks (he brok up with me two weeks ago)... we smile at eachother a lot at school, but we dont talk in person.. i wanted to give him his space.. plus im too nervous to talk to him.... but, the past 3 days ive texted him, only once, and waited for him to text back (like you know.... im not gunna text him... then an hour later text him again... that is what i mean by only texting him ONCE a day) but the past 3 times hes gotten friendlier and friendlier, adding in "lol"s and "haha"s and not being so snippy with his words...
but ok, hers my plan.. tell me if i should do this or not.... or how ud revise this plan...
Ok, so., my ex has always been a really jelous guy, so, i was gunna get one of my friends to text him and say "hey, how are u, etc..... are you the one going to dinner with victoria tonight?" and he'd probably say "no, why?" and she'd say "ohh, well she just told me she was going to dinner with someone but didnt tell me who it was, so, i figuerd yall had gotten back together.." and then maybe he'd ask "well who is she going with?" and my friend would say "i dont know,why dont you go ask her?"
so, automatically, in his mind he'll ASSUME its a DATE (which it wont be) and that i LIKE the person im going with (which, i already asked one of my best friends to go with me [just to waffle house]).... so... whatcha think of the plan? any revisions? would u even take this plan? thank you so so much! If this works, i owe you!
i was with my boyfriend for almost a year, we are really perfect together, we have the same likes, dislikes, we've never been mad at eachother, never shouted, or argued, but he text me saying he wanted to talk to me, so he phoned me, and i could tell he wanted to say something to me, he said "i can't be with you" he has MAJOR paranoia, and thinks the whole world is trying to get him and thinks people are trying to break us up, it's all in his head, and i've told him to see a psychologist, I phoned him a couple of times, just so we could talk, he lives 6 hours away, i just wanted to know why, because he didn't give me any reasons, anyway, i want to phone him, just to explain that im letting him be, and when he feels ready to contact me, he can..i'm worried he's not going to, or that hes going to think because i've moved on, he doesn't want to drag me back again? when really more than anything i just want to be back with him. Like i said, theres no reason for it. Do you have any advise? :/
essy, we need you. i'm certain trying to read hundreds of emails and providing sound advice can be excessive when it is just you; perhaps your gf donna in example 1 would assist you in providing feedback for us. we need you!!!
My boyfriend broke up with me, like, one and a half months ago. I have to thank my work for keeping me very occupied to cry over my loss. However until now, i frequently thought of him, and the sweet times we used to have. Your article encouraged me alot, to move on and get over my breakup. Bu he isnt talking to me anymore, nor did he ask me out for movies together with my club mates like those times before we got together as a couple. So... perhaps, for my case... this relationship cannot be saved. It is really over i guess...
I strongly believe that i am not THAT into him anymore because i forced myself to numb the breakup mentally, i can live on with my life without my ex, not texting him or calling him either, but, why do i still think of him so frequently? Is it because he is my first love, or do i still have left over feelings for him, or am i just missing the feeling of being loved and being in love?
Hi Essy..
My boyfriend (28) and I (23) was in a relationship for around 8 months - there have been alot of things going on in his life the past two months as we started the first 5 months by having a long distance relationship where we saw eachother 2-3 days every second week, but it worked out well and we were very much in love. Two months ago he moved to my city (not together)and because of that we of course start seing eachother quite often which was a huge different of course. As mentioned before he is 28 have had a couple of past relationships but they only lasted for maximum 1 year and he have never lived together with anyone. He is wokring as a chef and have been doing that in eight years where he have almost worked every day from 10am to 11pm which means he havent had time so spend alot of time with his former girlfriends and it still only last for 1 year appr. When he moved over he started a job from 7am to 3pm which is a crusial difference from his former working hours which also have made more space for us spending time together. anyways we went to Paris for an extended weekend two weeks ago which was a fantastic trip he was all over me, telling me how much he loved me etc etc. But then last week he says that he lost the spirit in the relationship and asked how I saw our future? and suddenly seemd very different and confused. I asked if he wanted to leave me but he said that he loved me and were to happy for me to just end it. We suggested to take some time from eachother but I was so devastated I did what you shouldnt do and called him two days later and said I really hoped we could sort things out as I really loved him - he said that I couldnt force him to make a choice and that he wanted it to work but just couldnt say when. I thought about things and was vey confused as the whole thing happend so sudden but I decided that I cant be toghether with one who dont know when he want to be with me again as I just wont allow myself to sit and wait for him to come up with an answer. so I ended things two days ago and expalined him that I love him and its hard for me but that I cant be together with one who dont know if he want to be with me or not! he didnt really have much to say. but today he came over to exchange stuff (keys etc.) and we talked about all other things than us - the only thing I asked was if he had been cheating on me or meet another girl because then I wanted to know and he answered 'no and I dont even want to'. He asked if could come over for a cup of coffee tomorrow but I said I had plans and we could meet up next week for coffee. The problem here is that the whole thing happend so fast and I really love him and everyone thought that we would be together 'forever'. I dont know what to do as I want to move on but at the same time I see him as my future man and we have spoken about living together etc. so I dont understand why he sudden dont want to be with me? what do you suggest me to do? im so confused.
Many thanks,
does this still aply if you've already messed up by calling him? even if when you did that everything blew up and drama was crazy? i know i want him back but he doesnt seem to care. i think i really hurt him with the breakup.
Hey Essy,
My ex and I broke up about a week ago because he "needed his space" and he was constantly texting a 8th grade girl(his ex of one week) who is clearly obsessed with getting him back. We're highschoolers. The past month has been hard because he was always on and off; one moment he would tell me I was annoying and to go away and the next he would be all over me. It seemed like he was unstable all the time, which made me go on a rollarcoaster of emotions. So we broke up (Thursday), but two days afterwards (Saturday) we went on a school trip together. We have all the same friends, so we were together all day. The thing is, he wouldn't stop stepping on my shoes, play punching me, messing up my hair, and poking my hips. Which confused me. The next day(Sunday), I texted him and he responded, to my surprise, but then he had to go to a soccer game. Later that night I got word from a friend that he was bashing me all day and making fun of me. Monday night he texted me asking me if I told a guy that he liked the middle schooler, which I didn't, but I found it odd that he texted me about such an odd thing. Tuesday we walked to english together having a comfortable conversation. So what I would like to know is what should I do?! I want him back, but I don't want him to be unstable! and I'm not sure if I should ignore him completely or not..
I would really just like to thank you for taking your time to write this article it has helped so much and given me the confidence i needed to know how to resurrect the relationship. Thank you. You are a very very kind person and i appreciate everything you have shared
Hey There
I see thesehave worked for other girls, but im having some trouble with the rules. I barely speak to my ex so thats less contact. Im always confident, even if faking it because my roles during the day and at work make it necessary, and i have completely moved on. I have a new job, have moved out, have made major decisions for my future and have interviews laid out. But i still want him.
To make it worse; he has a new girl friend. I dont know if it is a lost cause but i have stuck to the golden rules and my old serious boyfriend has moved on anyway.
Is there anymore advice anyone can offer?
I want to thank you so much for all of your advice. My boyfriend broke up with me, after a year and a couple months, in September, stating that he no longer had feelings for me. I was completely heartbroken. And after being convinced he was the one I would spend my life with (after we had both said that many times), I turned into one of those crazy ex's. I committed all of the relationship crimes: the constant calling, texting, begging for him back. This lasted maybe a little over a week before I came across this article and realized it had to come to a stop. From that point on, it is usually only he who is texting me. I miss him to an insane degree. I cry once in a while remembering how it used to be. But he does not see this side of me. Around him and when in conversation I am full of confidence and life. We've hung out twice since then, both times he said were very fun. It was just like old times.
I'm hanging in there and praying every day that he comes back. Everything about him is perfect to me. I am waiting for him to realize what he had.
I know that God will bring another amazing man into my life if my ex is not the one for me....but from the bottom of my heart I hope that he is.
Thank you so much for laying it all out on the table and saying exactly how it is. I hope that it works out between us.
uh well my boyfriend and i were dating for a year and everything was going well then he decided he wasnt sure if he liked me the same way as he used to. he is now dating a girl who recently took my boyfriend before that too! i know my ex boyfriend and i are for eachother and i want him back! he asks me to go places with him and stuff and i just don't know what to do. i feel so hopeless :/
Hi Essy,
Thank you so much for all of your advice
I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago and i really
want him back because I know I was the one who screwed it.
We've been together for 2years but it was long-distance..
We are still in long-distance relationship which makes me
wondering if thoes rules would still apply to my case
What do you recommend?
my boy friend broke up with me because i lied to him. he spent 1 yr and half thinking about it. he finally left me about a month ago. i have lost over 20 pounds and cant go a day without crying. i would do anything in my power ti get him back. any help?
Essy, I honestly truely need your help right now. I feel like im crumbling up into little peicec, & i dont know what to do anymore. We were together for two years. And at first i listened to my insticnts and told him i still loved him. But after that day, i have made no contact with him at all. But i see him everysingle day because we go to school together. And its tearing me apart because hes showing no emotion towards me. And hes having fun without me.I miss him so much, and my goal is to get him back. But i honestly dont have any idea how. I read your article, but i feel like i messed up on going back to him. And i dont know if your advice would work now. What should i do?
Please, respond to me at my email if you cant respond here
i need ur help. me and my bfhad broken up about ayear ago but i think i love him. im only a teenager btw. i really just want to with him forever but we r in the friend zone. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
heyy so i have a question about knowing if you love him.. im only a teenager but i have been dating this guy and he says he hasnt ever met someone like me and all the junk guys say to girls but he doesnt try anything when we are together which makes me think does he mean what he says.. i mean hes an amzing guy and ive never felt this way about someone but love is like i big step and i just wanna know.. what does love feel like?? because im totally lost... PLEASEE HELPP ME
hi essy! thanks for your advise. but i really have bigger problem than this:my ex left me 3weeks ago because his mum told his to. His mum told him that she will do just anything to make sure we ll never end up with each other. I am so sad. We ve planned to get married and now he left me. I get to know that he still loves me but he is now avoiding me and after few days, he even told me that he didnt love me. I really don't know what to do :(( I tried texting him and calling him but he never replies..
Hey! I really liked your article. But I have a problem. My boyfriend broke up with me suddenly because he says he thinks we're going too fast...do you think he just maybe wants to take a break for awhile? But then, he just got together with my best friend! and she KNOWS how i feel about him...is there anyway of getting him back even if he says he's happy now with her?
Dear Essy,
I was wondering if you had an email address that I could email you at.. I could really use some help with my situation.
this is hard, i see my ex every day in school i even have a class with him its so hard to not be upset around him every day because i miss him so much. im hoping this will work. reading this shines a new light on the situation so thank you.
i hate to bother any one but here is my situation. i was dating a guy for a year and we both had very high walls but we took the risk of breaking them down together. well we did and about a month or two ago i had the financial funds to go out of state for schooling, he gave me his blessing but a few days later we broke up. we continued to hang out for a month after that and one day he came over and that was the last time a spent any time with him. he is now seeing someone (i dont know if its official or not) but i what i guess im askin is, it it possible to win my guy back? we have had a love hate relationship but after my past he has been the only one to really stand by myside for everything except goin out of state. I want my second chance with him but i dont know how i can it. Can you help me?
im im middle school. andrew is my first boyfriend. i really like him. but we never see each other in schools or out of school. so i broke up wit him well, mainly becaus ewe never saw each other. now m regreting that and ofcourse he has a grilfriend now. can you help me? and remember i never see him so its gotta be something i can say/ do over text.
well my boyfriend broke up with me because he says that i dont show him that i love him......he compares stuff like buyin a card and material stuff....i wanna subtly show him that i love him so that he would want to get bac with me but i'm not sure if to do it or how to go about it......he was/is really hurt an i tink bcuz of all this pain he is really adamant about us not gettin bac together netime soon...... i'm tryin my best to act happy and not be to clingy!!! i would still talk to him as a fren an stuff but ever so often i crack and i wanna ask him y we like dis an beg to get bac 2gether.....but we broke up b4 and wen i stopped being clingy he wanted me back....but i not sure if this will wrk again.......i am realy lost.....i need FULL ADVICE can u help me plz i feel like i'm dyin :'(
Ok. My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago, he was sobbing as he did, and he said the reason was "God told me to put him first" I do not know if this is a legitimate reason, but I loved him, and really want him back. Before he would go out with me, he really wanted to, he made me promise that what ever happened we would still be friends. Well, I can barely talk to him without bawling, so I have avoided talking to him. Now he always asks me "whats wrong" and stuff, tries to talk to me, tries to make me laugh using inside jokes from when we were dating and smiles at me. The other night there was a band concert and I was sick, he wanted to know where I was. I kind of screwed up on the don't be sad and tell him you miss him part, but it kinda sounds like he wants me back. I do like him, but after dating him and seeing him as a "frenime" i see his faults that i didn't when we were dating. What do i do? It seems like he is over it, but i am not so sure. Please help, you give great advice. :) By the way, I do not agree with the under 15 rule, he is 14 and i am 13 but it was a different relationship then most.
Well thanks for the tips, Im gonna give them a go. Myself and my 'boyfriend' and currently on a break - his descision - after almost 4 years together. I suffer from depression and have struggled to give him the attention he needed. He now says he is unsure how he feels about me. I really dont want to loose him, he is the absolute love of my life. I really hope these tips work. Thanks
just an update on what's going on with me. i guess the whole thing doesn't work with everyone :( i followed all the tips as i stated a few weeks ago. but he recently found someone else after only two months. their families are best friends so she already has an in. she's living in texas for the time being and we're in pa but they talk constantly and i'm feeling as if once she's back they'll be together. i'm heartbroken but i'm still trying to go along with everything you said. i hope it isn't too late for us....
A week ago my boyfriend and I of 9 months broke up. It was mostly my doing. He told me he lost motivation to be with me and that he thought he was losing attraction for me. I WAS DEVASTATED! I instantly just asked him to drive me home.
Well on Sunday night I apologized for the way I flipped out aand he replied with "well. there's nothing we can do to fix this now" I feel dumped because I thought it was a petty fight and we could get past it. I want him back more than ever now. I miss the way we would laugh and do stupid things and comfort each other at our worst. Mostly I miss the things I did for him. I stayed with him when he was sick, and would scratch his back when he was stressed for instance. I just want this back. I hope you can help me.
ok i meet a guy wheni was seventeen with a friend it was actualloy her boyfriends friend. when i first meet him there was no attraction but later that night ilearned to like a guy for more than just looks. and people would always say heather your to good for him or your to pretty but i didnt care, aanyways we dated from when i was 17 until i was twenty he was 22 when we broke up and it has been a year since we have broke up and we talked this past holloween and hung out with some freends and he acted the whole night like we havent even been broke up and we did kiss and stuff but hwen he left that night i got emotional and didnt want him to leave bc i didnt know when the next time i woould see him but he ended up leavin and he was not talked to me since and i really feel he is the one but now he dosent talk to me at all or answer my callsw and he might be even dating a girl for like a month not sure though bc he lives a hour a way but he ignores me 100% now and i dont now what to do besides just to leave me alone but sice we have broken up this is the first girl i have heqard of him talking with or dating and i have tried to move on i have dated two guys since and it just dosent work out and in the end im still stuck thinking about him
Hayyy first of all thank you so much! second of all im a 16 year old and my ex, whose 18 is going out with a 20 year old. we were in musical theatre together and we were really really close as friends. Then i had to transfer to his school because of issues with my old school. When i git there he completely ignored me and never talked to me because i hung out with the " Loser" crowd. After 3 months a group of the popular girls took me in an soon i was more popular than him. Thats when he asked me out. Everything was so perfect. Nothing between us was akward because we were really close before. Then like 3 days after we started going out he wanted to make out with me. i am the kind of girl that takes it slow so i didnt make out with him. Then he broke up with me because of it. Now him and his girl have been dating for 7 months and they havent even had a peck on the cheek kind of kiss. Im still in love with him. He still flirts with me and i want him back. I know its wrong because he has a girlfriend but i know him and i know he still likes me too.. what am i supposed to do?
heyy its kat againn and yes to answer your age question i am 16 and he is to. we had a long talk about it because i really was confused and he said he meant it and he would never say something he didnt mean to me. i really think i believe him just because we were best friends before we started dating and he tells me everything.. so im not sure but i think i do love him.. i trust him with my life so i guess that means i do???
ok so me and my bf are not broken up but on break.... but we are on the line of breaking up. he says he needs his space, and his feelings are fading and....i just came across this site to realize ive been doing the irritating pity thing....can things still be fixed?
so my now ex whom im very much in love with still, broke up with me 3 weeks ago. its been painful, but ive kinda stayed my distance from him... space. He never acted weird like he was going to break up. he always told me that i would be the one to end our relationship cause he wouldnt really know when he was doing wrong cause to him im hard to read. so my dad freaked on him and my stepmom was being a douche. i know its probably bad to tell him that i miss him but when i do he says yes i miss you too.. and ill ask him what hes been up to and hell say nothing really these last weeks have been boring. weve been seperate for 3 weeks and im nuts about being with him again. he is not like most guys hes kinda sensitive if thats the word but he always said like every 5 minutes that he loved me, he showed good affection and always found time when we hung out. when we werent together he always said how bored he was without me. he would also say how we would be together untill the end of the world and always make comments on how we should do this or that. of course i agreed to everything with love. we always did things together without feuding or getting into arguments. im so confused. ive tryed to hang out with him in the past 2 weeks but he now is busy with his brother. i dont call and badger him saying he has to do anything with me but its a idea if we did. i think..... somebody please give me a good idea on what i should do. i really miss him and i love him so much. and from how he acted and acts now he still loves me too. i hope :)thanks
hey not to b weird KAT but i believe i know u through my cousin jess lol i went to ur b-day party 2 yrs ago. my nicname was cat too lol peace
my bf moved out of his parents house i helped end of sept to a home with a 15yr old guy he said wed hangout and see one another more..that didnt happen like overnight he stopped calling & later said he needs space...we broke up...i did so some bad things like acting all emotional initially after he lied to me about things...and above all he avoided me wont call nothing...im level headed now and no matter how hard it is for me im moving on i dont want to but hes giving me no choice i love him i want him back havnt called him or gone over to see him im leaving him alone..should i start meeting and contacting other guys even tho im not interested in anyone but him? when he calls me or we see one another what should i say and do to win him back?
Thank you so much for this blog! Me and my boyfriend have only been finished a week but i miss him more than anything! im finding it really not not contacting him but i trust your advise and i really hope it works for me! I will write again to let you all know how i get on! wish me luck!
My ex bf broke up with after 7 months of being together..he said he needed space and he said he coudnt take my "abuse" anymore..wat he meant by abuse was i pushed him away too much when we argue meaning i said hurtful things on txt messagin..he was one of those mentally unstable people..and he been crushing on me since freshmen year..it just sucks..i was his first rea girlfriend.and we lost our virginites to each other..now it was all nothing to him..the week that he dumped me he got a new girlfriend..now i see him around school,and wonder if he realy forgot about me..after 7 months..
he started liking the girl over txt messagin because when we didnt talk for two days she was der for him..so basically he dumped me for that girl too..
something he hasnt done before..
because girls never really liked him..
he looks very grungy,
i just dont get it at all..
is this wat i get for dating someone whose unstabe..
im just so confuse and hurt..
guyss.. :( ..i have to tel this here..anyone whom reading this..please help me..i gt a boy..i met him by chat..the first chat itself i was impressed by him..he had the feeling too..one fine day he proposed to me and i accept..i never been accept any guys proposal like this..but some kind of feeling really made me to accept him..i love him muc..he is in da same case too..he love me lot..but one day he himself he told me he gt lot of admires.. :(..i felt sad..somemore some of the gurls love him for few years time..but he told me he dont have any feelings on them..once he chat wif me he really impress with me..yea he is true..he gamme ol his privt property passwords..like frensta..i log in i saw the mesages oll..ony the gurls kept asking him to love..but he ony rplyd he gtta no mood and nt interseted.. :( ..i was so happy as he impress by my way..but i felt pity for the gurls.. :(.. the gurls are very pity..they wonder for him so many years..but this guy love me within a few days..somemore im nt very beautiful..but the others gurls are very beautiful.. :(..he told me one day..gurls mus looks like angel but guys no matter he may look liks beggar aso..but gurl mus be lookin like angel..once hear this i felt more hurt..as im nt that muc beautiful haizz..i dont noe wat to do..so i ask him to go away frm me..i thought he mus gt a beautiful life partner..i force him to go away frm me.. :( ,,he do wan to go at first..as i torcher him..at last he lost his patient and he go away frm me..its already 2 months..i try to frgt him..but i cant..other guys aso proposing to me..but i do wan to accept..i have no mood..as he is the first guy that i put my hands up fr him..i scart wit him..i respect him..i listen to everyting he said..he is the first guy that can handle me..as im very naughty and talkative..if he tok like angry with me..how angry i am aso ..i wil calm down.. :'( ...i really love him muc..now he is gone frm me..he told me before go..forget me that im exist on this earth..dont mesage or call me anymore.. :'( ..wat shud i do.. :'(...even the time he left me i was having exam..i failed oll the subject once i gt the result..til now i cant forgt him..and cnt accept other guy in my mind too..although other guy impressing me.. but i cant :'(..
I just lost my boyfriend and know im going to us you advice your right on the rules thanks
me and my ex started dating aftr 7 days of our first meeting...aftr dat v broke up many times...d last break up was because he thought dat it was better for us to be friends first and then think abt our relationship..he thinks dat i was never myself wen i was wid him..i pretended 2 be d girl he wants and not the real ME..but b4 d last break up..i startd being me..bt thn he suddenly broke up..he says a relationship constitutes 70% of friendshp..but v were never friends..it was like love at first sight..he was always him.bt i was nevr me..i text him continsly..bt he doesnt reply..he is busy wid his studies..v go 2 d same tution..all my facebook status r for him and i guess he knows dat..i love him truely..and i dont kno wat 2 do? please help me
I'm in highschool and me and my boyfriend just broke up. He was the one who did it and said I didn't give him enough time, which I agree with I am busy with sports and school but I tried my best. We've broken up a bunch of times over stupid little things but always get back together in a day or two. He said he's done giving me chances and doesn't want to get back together, but then after he broke up with me he told me how hard it was and that he wasn't sure if he was ready to let me IwanWhen he broke up with me it hurt so bad it felt like o was gonna die. I want him back more than everything and I love him so much.
hey essy, i really really need your help ='[ me and my boyfriend broke like 2 and a half weeks ago and he just started talking to me again yesterday, but he says that i shouldnt even try to get him back because he'd not coming back and im freaking out and i dont know what to do we've been going out for 9 months and he's been telling alot of other people he misses me but he's being mean to me and wont take me back and i dont know why! =[ I miss him so much! why doesnt he want me?! i cry every single day. even though he says he's not coming back will he??? and how long will it take if he does? because i really want him back as soon as possible ='[
Hi Essy,
Well me and my boyfriend were together for a year and 6 months. I've known him for 4-5 years, being that he was my ex best friend's brother. Everything was so perfect and it felt completely right to be around him..almost like we were meant to be. Then I had to move, because both me and his parent's are in the military. We were together for 2 months before I had to move. While I was still there..he asked me to run away with him, but I told him no. I knew that my parent's would find us and never let me speak to him again. After I moved things got very different. While we still loved each other just as much as we did...I started to lie about things and being mean to him..I never meant to, I just have never had control over my emotions so much. I was always thinking that he'd cheat on me, or he'd think I was ugly, or that he hated me for leaving him behind. He started telling me that girls were asking him out and talking to him..I got way over jealous..and kind of said I'd hurt them. He said that I was annoying, always jealous of other girls, worried what other people thought about me, and that I probably cheated on him while I was away. I love this boy so much that my body doesn't enjoy the taste of food anymore..and I just can never find much energy to do anything. I'm also home schooled so I'm home all of the time. He was always thinking that when I went out of the house I was cheating on him. He can be rather cold about some things and doesn't show much emotion..well unless I'm with him, he says he has me read like a book while he is still sometimes a mystery to me. He says that he still loves me and he still calls me everyday so can I use this to my advantage? Please help me get him back, he means more to me than anyone/anything and is the only thing I need to be happy. If you could help me I would be more than thankful. Any tips would be helpful, I'm willing to try anything to be with him again.
Hi Essy
You give great advise here :)
My situation is a bit different. I was seeing this guy on and off for 6 months, we also had sexual contact during that period, he wanted to be my boyfriend and he was crazy about me, he was great in everything, but I told him I was not ready for a relationship, which was true. I was always very honest with him. The last couple of months I realized I wanted to finally date him and I became closer to him, I fell in love with him. So as soon as I told him I wanted to be his girlfriend-which is what he wanted for so long- he suddenly changed and became distant, didnt call often,didn't see me much at all, generally changed.He was also talking about his ex a lot and I told him it was a sign he was not over her but he denied it-then... Yesterday he finally said to me that he doesn't feel the same anymore about me(because once more I brought up how different he is) and that he still has feelings for his ex who he broke up with 8 months ago and lives in a different state and that he is confused. He said that we just had bad timing me and him and that he still wants to be friends and still keep to work with me in some stuff we did together as musicians cause he thinks it would be a shame not to.I agreed with him and was very calm, I am the one who actually brought up the 'breaking up' because I felt he wasn't into me anymore, but he said that he was ready to tell me the same thing. I said that I dont want to be with a guy that doesnt want me back and he agreed..He said it wasnt ment to be. He agreed with everything I said. I was very nice and polite though. He also said that it will be hard for him in a way cause he thinks I'm beautiful and smart and we had chemistry,and that we had a lot in common and he always had fun when he was with me. but still he doesnt want to be with me and he was clear about it... I am so confused and hurt but I didn't really show it to him, I was just a bit sad in front of him but also very confident.What do you think? What should I do? Do you think there is a chance that he will want me back and realize his mistake? Can I win him back?...
listen. for me and my ex it literally waslust/love at first site, we really are perfect for each other and we both know and im saying both because he has said it too, we were meant to be together. his whole life hes been in long relationships and he decided{ plus the influence from his friends, which he takes there advice and what they say too much, he'll do anything they say it seems} we broke up cuz he wanted to explore the single life, we stopped talking for a while but still remain good friends, he's told me he misses me, loves me and still wants to be with me and that he hates being single except that he can be with his guy friends all the time and do whatever he wants and in every past relationship his girlfriend never let him hang out with his friends so he thinks he knows everything and that im going to be the same way and its definately not like that at all. hes playing with my heart and my head and i dont know what else to do but cry because ive done the whole let him come to you and HE DID but with just words. all he ever tells me is that he misses me loves me and wants to be with me but doesnt want to stop the friends thing and won't listen to anything i say that im not the girl to keep him from his friends. i love him to death and in my heart i know we will be together again but its like he wants me to wait till he gets {the single boy} out of him but i dont think thats fair to me at all. and im not on his schedule but at the same time its hard for me to not wait for him. were in love. i dont know what to say to him or do to show him that im the girl that will make him so happy and be everything he wants from a girlfriend. hes even told me he wants to marry me. but he cant commit to anything. im heart broken and confused. HOW TO I GET THROUGH TO HIM AND GET HIM TO COMMIT???!!!!
Dear Essy.
Please Help Me! My boyfriend just broke up with me last week. Im a complete mess. I dont know what to do. Im in my sports and I try to have fun with my friends but this isnt working out! He knows im a mess becuz my friends tell him. He says he's sorry and someday "I'll love a guy more then I ever did him." I cant shape up. I need serious help. Save Me From Drowning... -Sarahh.!
so my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. when we were together, he was PERFECT to me. he always took me to dinner, paid for everything, cuddled with me constantly, and was just the most perfect boyfriend i could ever ask for.
but for some reason, i didnt ACT like that towards him. i gave him attitude alot, and i never "poured my heart out" to him. i loved him though, it was just hard for me to show it 100%
so he ended up becoming unhappy, just like anyone else would. and broke up with me 6 months later. i was DEVASTATED. and right when he broke up with me i knew all my mistakes, and i regretted everything. we still talk, and everytime we talk the subject comes up. hes not as nice to me anymore, and he doesnt care anymore. and i feel as if its all my fault. and ive told him im sorry 349830495 times. and i named exactly everything i did wrong. and i asked him for a chance to prove to him thats not me, and i can change. at first he didnt want it, but then he gave in, and i have my chance. but its only for two weeks, and at the end of that two week time frame, hes going to make his desicion on whether or not he wants to be with me. i just need to know how to win him back COMPLETELY in the next two weeks.
we're not broken up, and we're still together. i just need to put the spark back in it. but its hard when he's not 100% open-minded to it :/ i just feel like i hae to show him i can change, so if he DOES break up with me in the future, he may possibly have a reason to want to come back, as apposed to breaking up like how we are now. i was horrible to him. and i regret it so much. and i just dont know what to do :/
hey Essy84 well i think ive already messed up ive tryed not calling him couldnt do that ...but i wasnt crazy, i called once or twice a day sometimes i didnt call at all, but we endded up talking and he said he was thinking about maybe getting back together but, i need some advice to boost his thoughts because ive already done pitty and told that it was really rough for me and that i wanted him back how do i fix my wrongs so we can be together agian and make him have no doubts
I Finished way my bf like 2 weeks ago and he was lying to me for about a week. i was online the other day coz he texted me telling me to go on and when i went on he had another lassies name in his name. he told me that he was completely over me and that he never wanted to see me again then told me 2 days after he might come up and see me. should i say yes or no? he also told me last nyt he still liked me alot and i said you told me you never and he said sorry but he is moving up closer to me but he is going way someone who he can see all say just now till he moves and he was going to be coming up all the time when i am at school and that? should i get back way him if he asks me? please help me coz i dunno what to do anymore!
WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU'VE ALREADY DONE THE "DONTS" ? How can I fix everything and get him back? I know I've pushed him alot further away by doing everything you SHOULDNT do.. But he still says he wants to be friends and that MAYBE we will try again in the future.. How do I get his feelings to come back? I've already messed it up so much..
well, i have an x that i love sooo much but he seems so like ignore me and hate me. We are still frends and he's just ignoreing me... Do you Think It has to do with me being ugly? i mean im only 11. so them boys are thinking about the persons cuteness.
Okay my boyfriend just recently broke up with me but I have alot of his clothes. Do I give them back to him, do I keep them, do I drop them off at his door? Im completly clueless on what to do !
Okay so I think I probably read this too late, me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago and i have pretty much been talking to him everyday he doesnt seem to mind it but I have definately messed up rule no. 1 not a good start. we were together for 2 and a half years and I broke up with him and I know I had my reasons (he didnt spend much time with me and went months without seeing me for a whole day even though we live about 15 minutes away from eachother) he put hobbies before me too but I think even if I do decide I dont want him back I would like him to want me back or at least be able to forget about him and move on. After we broke up I spoke to him and basically begged for him back and he told me he wanted to be single, this as you can imagine broke my heart because it was me that broke up with him because I knew it was the best thing to do for me but now i'm so lonely and just miss feeling loved and him and everything we had saying this i know he would have to change and am not sure that he would because when we were together he always promised he would and basically didnt even try :( Please help I think i've messed up before I've even decided what I want
hey essy,
If its not too much trouble...
I'm going through a really hard break up right now and i stumbled across this page while i was hopelessly looking for answers/help and i would really appreciate some advice from you because you seem like you know what youre talking about and you are also extremely optimistic. i need some of that!
I'd like to tell you whats up but could i email you privately? i hope its not too much trouble...
thanks! and happy new year!
Hi Essy, I tried to email you before but I just found out you don't do one on one replies anymore. Anyways, I bought one of the books you recommended on how to get my ex boyfriend back. I hope it really works. I started using the techniques they were talking about, and I hope it will work. It seemed like it has but too soon to tell.
Well, I split from my ex 12 months ago - he's with someone else and I still think about him every minute of every day and desperately want him back. We have a line of contact but it's limited and I am thinking of calling / e-mailing him to meet for a coffee which he suggested last month. What do I do???
...My BF of 2 years broke up with me 5 days ago [[on the 2nd of Jan 2010]]. He just broke up with me out of the blue. I mean...before New Years we were doing pretty good. He said that he DID want to be with me. I asked him a couple times because I was feeling that he was losing interest in me, so I asked him a couple times "babe do you want to be with me?" he said "yes I do want to be with you". then i was really assured that he wanted to be with me. I felt awesome and I felt that he really did want to be with me. His brother and sister in law was went to Hawaii for a couple weeks and the day they came back was the day he started ignoring me. He dropped me off at my sisters place and i thought he was going to come and pick me up...so i was just chillin watching tv and he called and asked me if something he found was mine, so i said no. I didnt call him for a couple hours and i was wondering what he was doing so i texted him asking him what he was doing, he said he was picking up his brother from the airport. then after that he ignored me for a couple more hours...so just to get his attention i asked him if I can go out with some friends he just said go ahead. from there he ignored me for like 2 days. His cousin is my best friend...and so i was texting her asking her if she can go on his myspace and see what his status was...she texted back and said he made it to "SINGLE". I was like OMG...this guy is never going to let me go back to him...so i went all nuts on him through texting...and i got him to text me back. he said i am too young[[[He Just Turned 25 & I am going to be 21...I dont think i am that much younger then him]]], too bossy [[which i dont think i am, because when i was with him it was always his way or the highway]] and too demanding but the story goes on and on. I was texting him all kinds of stuff the other night...i was spillin my heart out...I know i shouldnt have done that...but i couldnt help it. So he said he never wants to go back to me again. He said we are done FOREVER. I cant handle that...I LOVE HIM. He was my first love, the first guy i actually gave a chance to, the first guy who I actually loved with all my heart.[[i had exbfs who loved me more then anything but i wasnt ready. I didnt really love them so i dumped them]]. So this recent exbf of mine is acting like a total bonehead. he is ignoring me completely, telling me to leave him alone and he even told me if i dont stop texting him he is going to change his number. this is such a twisted up story but i hope you can understand. What i am trying to say is that after i found out he dumped me, I went all out on texting him because he wasnt answering any of my phone calls. And I really want to be with him. i just dont know what to do. I spilled my heart out to him and he is acting like i was never a big part of his life. I mean c'mon, 2 years of being together isnt all that long, but to me its long to me. please tell me what I should do or say to him so he can want to be with me again. I love him with all my heart. ~Thank you and God Bless~
Five and a half years, probably four small splits but we always managed to mend the little problems. Then his son marries the woman from hell and she quickly interferes with our relationship. They have been married for two years and he wants to protect their marriage so he won't tell this witch to back off with her rudeness toward me. Her statements constantly yell "you're just the girlfriend, you have no say about anything" however, we technically have lived together. All of this started after he had a heart attack and changed his will leaving all his holdings to his son. At no point was I ever part of his will, we both agreed on this. His holdings are quite substantial and his son and wife are just the oppisite broke and always asking for money. Enough was enough and I thought moving out would build a fire under him to resolve the issue. The following day he dropped off what items I couldn't fit in my car and made it clear it was over. He is alredy activly on a dating online site in fact three days later with the help of his son and the daughter inlaw from hell. We had alot of fun together and loved our life together, so I thought.... any ideas on this situation?
can anyone help me ?
me & my boyfriend got into a big fight, so i got really angry and i dumped him , he kept asking me all night would i get back with him but i rejected him (hoping he would beg me)and when i woke up i tried to sort things out but he didnt want to know he came up to see me but he told me he doesnt want to be with me because its hurting him everytime we spilt up, what should i do and why do you think he's being like this? many thanks if you can help i want him back badly xx
Im going to try that at work on Monday =D
The thing with me & Him is that we break up He says he needs space & he dosent know how he feels about me & Then he asks me Back out again.. Its harddd!!
Well i cant wait 2 Try this out!! Thank you so much x
Ok so my Ex boyfriend and i have broken up twice now in the past year or so.. I constantly blame myself.After not talking for a while,we are good friends now. He is talking to a girl but he still comes to my house & he has even spent the night! He acts like we did when we went out and i have asked him if we would ever get back together and he said I just dont know____-WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??!
I want to tell you that these points are quite effective. I am still on my way but it seems working. He was depressed and we were having long distance relationship. We never stopped talking but i cut it to mim. Later he became the one who initiated the contact. And last week he asked me if i really want to throw everything away. I guess I screwed it a liitle by acting depressed after he said that. Don't make the mistake as I did.
Anyway, they worked. And you should know that it's not about acting ok. You have to feel ok and confident. I know it's hard. There were many days I couldn't eat, sleep or stop crying. I know how hard it is. But "be strong" is important. Really, think about it. You are trying to attract him not scare him away. Your guy knows you quite well. It's hard to pretend. No contact can help a liitle but emotions are hard to control. So really work on to get you feel better. He will notice that.
And understand that it may take sometime, be patient and control yourself. (I am also stressing it to myself.)
I want to say that your article saved me. I will be reading it time and time again when I am at my weak points. But I do feel I can start to move on. Thank you sooo much! You gave better advice than my friends.
Hi Essy, everything sounds really great, and I hope you can help me. My boyfriend of two and a half years and I just broke up.. not even three days ago. Well, he says's that he's upset and will maybe consider going back out with me, but not anytime soon. Do you think he will come around? I took crap allllllll day the day of the break up from one of his friends telling me how I treated him like crap and stuff. You see, I'm in college, while he is only a senior in high school, and when he goes to PSU main, we will be like 3 hours apart. So, I broke up with him when he told me he committed there. I didn't really mean it, I think I just wanted some reassurance that "no, no, we're going to be fine." But that didn't happen. And of course, I've already broke all of the cardinal rules.. apologizing for everything, begging, and crying. Yeah.. I broke all of your rules lol. But he texted me this morning thanking me for being his friend on FarmVille on facebook (haha). And I wasn't planning on texting him today at all, but he texted me. So now, I've texted him back, just completely agreeing with the breakup, and now the hard part will be not talking to him. It just is terrible because he has his best friend talking bad about me. For me, I feel like this is it. He says I stopped making him happy, but I know that's not true. Five minutes before we broke up he was joking about what he was getting me for Valentines day. It just happened so suddenly. And I have really bad depression and self esteem issues, so I guess my constant complaining about that had something to do with it. But he never mentioned that when we were together, about me not making him happy and that my self esteem was an issue, so the day of the breakup I cintacted my school and I plan on going to counseling. And he just doesn't seem to care at all, or care that I'm changing. He also says that he doesn't love me anymore, but.. I don't see how that's true. I mean, after 2 and a half years you don't just stop loving someone. Like for me, he's the one. I don't want anyone else, I only want him. I don't miss the relationship, I miss him.
Do you think that we could reconcile the relationship?
Hey Essy, i'm glad i ran into your site, you sound so upbeat and practical, this alone makes me feel better/more optimistic about my situation.
Great stuff here. I broke up a few days ago, BF moved out and he says he wants to start living alone. He says we fight too much. Tonight he wants to come by to pick up his stuff and see how I'm doing. Is that a good idea? He is still friendly and apparently cares about me.
so me and my boy friend just broke up yesterday and it has been almost ten months we have been together. i kept calling him last night, and of course he was getting annoyed and getting very mad at me for doing this. i left him alone and i got a good night rest. when i woke up i remember that i don't have him in my life anymore. i texted him right away and we were talking normaly. he was talking about how we could be "best friends" and or "best friends with benifits" which i don't want. i want him to just love me again. he keeps telling me "you need to get through this" or "it's not easy." the reason he broke up with me is because he doesn't want a girl friend. he tells me he loves me and he is acting perfectly normal towards me. he said that we can still hang out and such but i just want the lable "girl friend" and i don't know why he did this. i didn't do anything. i can do anything, eat, sleep, or hang out with my friends. i just dropped the plans with them because i'm too sad to do anything. i cried all yesterday and today. i have the "need" to call him and text him.
Hey, Thanks for the article. ive been broken up with my bf now for 2 months and regret sooo badly not reading this article earlier, as i have made many mistakes in these 2 months. ive got a problem now, its his birthday on friday and party on sunday. what should i do? should i go? should i say happy birthday on his birthday or should i just ignore him all the way? HELP!
Heyy your article has helped me alot! To sum things up, well my ex dumped me because we got into a fight and his mother began to disapprove of me. Finally she banned us from dating and it seems like all those feelings he had from me just disappeared and now hes acting coldly towards me. I feel pathetic because I know I should ignore him but I keep calling him :/ I really do want him back and I'll try to follow your advice and hopefully it'll work out. Thanks!
Hey, this article is really interesting! :)
I would love your advice on my situation:
Well, i started seeing a guy 2 months ago, he was so romantic and lovely and i made an effort in not getting too "close" to him straight up. Now may i also say he is in the army, and i live 50min away from him. He is also very laid back and doesnt like conflict. Anyway he has been on leave and been interstate and also overseas (with chicks and guys) but has kept in contact and has requested to see me on weekends in between his jet setting. Anyway my problem stems from facebook, he would update his status and have about 20 girls write stuff on it. At first i was ok with this but as he has been overseas i was missing him and started to get jealous.. so i messaged one of the girls asking how she knows him... he freaked but didnt tell me he knew and blocked me on facebook which i was unaware of. He called me when he got back on the sat from being overseas, got me to hang out with him, spend the night and then take him to the airport to see his family. i found out when i got home that he had blocked me. 2 days later i asked him in a text if i was his girl he said he wasnt ready for a relationship as his last one scared him and you cant rush these things. i let my emotions take over and told him i didnt think he was very nice and was cruel and that i knew about him blocking me he said messsaging one of his friends and he found creepy. I told him to never call me again and deleted his number. Now.. just over aa week later i want him back and realised i over reacted. His 2 housemates are being deployed and leave tuesday so i no he will be home alone and bored as he starts back at work on monday. i text him yesterday (first time) that i was wondering if i happen to call past his house if the door would be slammed in my face. No response but not suprised as he is a bit of a thinker. I dont think he has told his mates as they still talk to me like nothing is wrong. They are having a going away party on the weekend and one of them even said to me to keep that boy in line (haha) I just want him back in my life..
Okay. my sistuation is hard to explain. we have been together for almost ten months he my first true love, and Im in love wit him , we do fight alot. but nothing too serious. hes giving me lots of chances, and i broke up with him last week because, he was doing stuff behind my back, then we decided to go out again, but anyways, all of the suddem last night we got in a fight over the same thing as last weekend and he drove me home, and he never said he was breaing up with me, but he didnt answer any of my calls all niht or today or my texts, until 540 heansswered and said he was done, he shut his phone off all day, so i flipped and started having an anxiety attack (common, but the wrost one ive had) anyways, i called him repeatdly about 1 hr. 30 mins. ago and he finaly answereed and i bawled and told him to give me oe more chance and just cried andbegged him for like 20 mins then he said he had to go and and hewouldnt even tell me he loved me .. i dunno what to do, i already beged him , i texted him andtold him to text m before bed, but then i told him that i will give him some time to think, aout everything i sid for as long as he wants, i know he wont go and find anyone else because he is too busy for that. i knw he wont find anyonejust i need to knowhow to get him back i dont know if the whole ignoring him and moving on with my life thing will work, because what if he just doesnt care anymore. weve been through so much, i love him tdeath he is my everything and im justso sad.
Hi, My boyfriend just told me to break up last week and right now I feel so bad, he told me that he will never come back to me but I still love him and I want him to come back to me again, He said that he boring and he doesn't feel anything to me anymore. if like it on this way already do I still have chance to get him back?
he also say he doesnt happy to be with me anymore.
My Ex and I broke up about a month ago. We were together for a year and I am completely hopelessly in love with him still. We met each other the first day of college. He had feelings for me since day one but I had to warm up to him. We were completely in love and then one day he started to drift. We had a couple of minor fights in the beginning because i was afraid to get too close and then finally i changed and we never fought again. When we broke up he said that we are "too different" and that I drained him out in the beginning of our relationship. I want him back so badly, it hurts. All my friends are his friends so its been really hard. Help me get him back. I love him more than anything. He was the best thing thats ever happened to me.
I need help! My ex wants me to come and stay with him in his country for a week, we have not sean each other in almost a year.
I came to visit last year three times and it was the last time when we split and I was supposed to come back and move in with him after that. However it didn't go like that. He is from Costa Rica, he is a single dad with his own business and succesful at both, dad and business man. I don't know what my place in thier culture is, i am well educated however I want to be the mom of the house, please help. I am the one buying the ticket i don't want to make an expensive mistake, again. I love this man. I am shocked he wants to see me. when he dumped me I broke all three golden rules . Beach grl
Hey Essy
My boyfriend and I have been broken up for 11 months. Ironic as it may sound to you, but we dated for only 2 weeks. We were so in love, he was definitely crazy about me. I loved him so much that I was a bit too clingy. It all happened unintentionally. Finally he realized that he needed his space. He gave me the option, either to break up, or to give ourselves a second chance to slow things down and "start over". I refused to stay with him because he hurt me after he claimed that he began to "lose his feelings" towards me. Afterwards, I showed no sign of intrest in him. I thought of ways to revenge him and they were a success. I felt way more confident and much better about myself, but sadly I wasn't completely over him.. We were no longer on talking terms but we ran into each other during events. Surprisingly a few months ago, he talked to me assuring me that he had strong feelings for me in the past. My response was pretty cold but I did mention that he hurt me. A few days ago, I made a move and talked to him on MSN. We talked about basic things like "how was your winter break" or "what you been up to recently". 2 days later HE talked to me on MSN. My heart was palpitating and right now I just want to impress him all over again. I want him to remember me as the girl he fell for when he first met. I want him to get over how clingy or needy I was back then when we were together. What do you think I should do? Shall i talk to him or wait till he talks again?
thank you for the help i really liked him ALOT!!! and im still going to try and win him back! Again thanks 4 the help
hi my boyfriend of three years broke up with me two ddays ago. he said he was thinking and in his situation he needs to break up with me. he has broken up with me in the past over the whole space issue but he came back with in two weeks or so. i love him. i want him back, i did kinda do the wrong think but i did text and beg for like a day but now i cut off any kind of contact. i dont see em and talk to him, it did work last time, he said he loves me and came back. so i dont know i want him back so much i love em and we have been together for so long and i want a future with him.
Hi Essy84,
I think you are a very great person. You really give ppl good advise and help ppl to get back their love again.
This is my first time reading ur blog as I m just heart broken.. I just look around and i found ur blog.. u are really an amazing n talented!! :)
A big CHEERS for u... :)
hey essay
my boyfriend and i were together for 10 months... it might not seem that long but i would to anything for a second chance with him.
He broke up with me in october saying he didnt love me anymore. i went 3 weeks without talking to him till he called me to meet him. in december he said he wanted to get back together with me and thinks about me all the time but somehow things didnt work out and we didnt get back together.
now...february (4 months since we broke up) and over a month where we didnt talk i connacted him but he only gave me short answers.
please give me advice what I should do. I feel so lost without him. Do I still have a chance?
lilmiskris hello i have something to say about your situation...not talking to you properly doesnt means that he dont like you but it has other aspect also that may be he is with other girl now because this happened somewhat with me also my boyfriend was having other girlfriend besides me and when i came to know i just broke up...why dont you a guy who is caring friend of yours and take you seriously...
Hi, I thought this is absolutely great! I don't mean to brag but I have done this without reading any kind of articles on how to cope break ups or even winning him back. But reading this made feel absolutely confindent about myself. Thank you so much!
Furthermore, does it depend on how long you been with a guy. I only been with him for 2 months and one week. But deep down it was geniune and that's what he said to. Is it possible still he would want me back? That's all thank you Essy!
this makes so much sense my boyfriend just broke up with me a few days ago and i wanted to call him soo bad but i didn't cause i thought i'd be making myself look desperate and that i couldn't move on without him so i decided i wasn't going to let him have the satisfaction of him knowing it killed me inside so when i seemed happy he sent me a text saying so now your happy and i replied yes so that immediately made him begin to feel bad i know this because his friend Nick who he was with had told me :) now that him and his new girlfriend are fighting nick said he cant stop thinking about me!! the only problem hes moving in two weeks :(
i have a question..
Me and my bf have been going out for over a year. He treated me so well and it was genuine mature love on his part. I was a jealous angry person who took everything out on him but he saw the beautiful person i was underneath it all. He called a break a month ago to just get over me fighting and causing agruments at the time. we still love eachother and dont wanna see anyone else but its hard to not talk cause he lived in my dorm 2 doors down on the same floor and were designers so our studios are very close to eachother (we spend all our life there working on projects).. he still loves me but i ran into him the other day and he said "i dont want to disappoint you.. i wanna come back to you and be happy but i feel like its just getting harder and harder to be happy" ... over the break i changed into a completely different person . im everything hes ever wanted but maybe its too late? he said he wants to live with me in a year just recently before the break... idk what to think . im giving him time to get over my horrible actions . he loves me so much but how can i make him fall "in love" with me again?
My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, i haven't forgot bout him. We met once after we broke up, he admitted he still had feelings for me. I made a wrong decision by trying to make him pity me, by telling him how much I still loved him. What do i do now? I want him back so much.. The girl he's with at the moment is my enemy, she's going to be out of town for the weekend so this is my chance t try and get him back again. So, any advice?
my boyfriend broke up with me and he says we arent done forever... but he wont talk to me. should i give him space and he will come back?
My boyfriend told me that he will always come back to me and end up with me but when i call him he act like he doesn't wanna talk to me he hangs up in my face...but i know he care and love me..but he doesn't show it....and its really hard for me to foget about him because i ride the same bus he sits by me and we used to always be on the phone together...we did everything together....? PLEASE HELP MEEE ASAP !
Thank you sooo much! This is what I needed to hear. ha, my boyfriend broke up with me after two years. for a girl he dated in eigth grade. it pissed me off soooo, yeah.
Im 17 and i dated this guy for 6 months. he was my first boyfriend, first real love, and everything. he lives 2 and a half hours away but came home every weekend to see me. one weekend he couldn't come home and i was devastated. the next day he came home to surprise me for valentines day and i lied to him. i never have lied before. he thinks i cheated but i swear i didn't. i just didn't want him to worry about where i was. he has never treated me to anything ever. i always pitch in gas money but he only pays for gas with his student loans. i always was the sweetest girlfriend to him and he got mad at me for the dumbest reasons. he broke up with me and i of course went crazy and called and texted him for 2 days. after he didnt answer. i made my facebook status "youre loss". i havent called or texted him in 2 more days. its like i was always the best girlfriend and he was a bad boyfriend but then one day i make a mistake and he ends it. he basically had the life though. he came home, had sex with me, took my money, and dumped me. although we honestly loved eachother. i kinda think this is meant to be because he became too big a part of my life but i still miss and want him soooo bad. what do i do and do u think its over forever or he will come back to me? do u think he will move on quickly?
Hi Essy. Read your article and its amazing but i am not quite sure if it will help me as my situation is different and i really need your advice on it.My bf broke up with me 2 days back and last night we had a talk but he said he wont patch up at any cost not even after 2 months or 2 years but i want him back. Is there any chance of him coming back o me. I will tell you the whole story if u need to know it but i just didn' type it just now because its too long and firstly i would like to know should i hope he'll come back or give up and move on.PLEASE do reply i really need your help.TAKE CARE!!!:(
How long did it take for Donna to win David back?
My boyfriend and I had an awesome relationship at the start (literally, the best thing ever, we were inseperable and so so happy), then one night things happened at a bar that were out of my control, and he broke up with me. We somewhat tried to continue dating after that, but since I couldn't let go of what had happened (and was continually asking if he'd take me back and asking how he felt, etc). i was pushy and very insecure. He eventually told me he didn't think it was going to work, but that we could still hang out. That was about 2 weeks ago. I saw him once more and things went fine. Then I talked to him after that and somewhat pushed things again (which i know is really bad), and he said it's definitely over.
I haven't called or talked to him in over a week, but i also haven't heard anything from him... I don't know what my next step should be. Can you help?
Hello Essy,
My ex boyfriend and I had been together for 4months last month in January he had warned me saying i cannot guarantee your happiness because i become unattentive in relationships and lose interest. A few weeks later we broke up he said he felt our relationship had been fading away , he says it happens in every relationship he gets involved in .The same night we broke up i went to his house and have been to his house 5x since the breakup. Hes talking to lots of girls and its bothering me since he claims he cares about me. Maybe our relationship faded because there was too much sex constantly when we were together. I never cheated and stayed faithful even though i accused him of cheating a few times it probably got to him ( hes a sagittarus) but i love this guy and hes means the world to me and his family and i are great too. How can i get him back?
Hey Essy,
This is the best ever page I have read about breakups, thanks for it!
I will play the game, worth a try
I am in love!
Hiya Essy,
I just wanna tell you that your page has made me feel so much better, my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and I know i'm going to get him back and that's thanks to you, he's been stressed with work a lot and I didn't make it much easier on him, but I see that now and I'm gona find a way to show him we're supposed to be together.
Thank you for giving me the confidence i needed to believe i can get him back
x x x
my ex and i broke up in july 2009 we are now 22 and we were together for almost 6 years and he said that we dont want the samethings in life and that he doesnt want marrage or babys and im ok with compromising but he wont and i told him thats what i want in life but not now and it still didnt hold him and everything was going ok til that night he told me that he loved me but he wasent in love with me and i guess he was talking to his mom before he told me so i wasnt even awere what was about to happen and i dont know how to get him back and hes not moving on cause i asked him if hes found anyone but wants me to and that i can fined better someone better then him but i just want him i need help!!!! i want my bestfriend back
Hi there, me again,
It is working absolutely great Essyyyyyyy:) and despite the fact that we are 1557 miles away from eachother at the moment. He was here with me for 2 weeks, left 1 week ago and he didnt even show me this much interest while he was here:))) I was always thinking it could be a good idea to play such a game with him and shock him but I was always scared about it; it is a great coincidence to come across your page, though I dont believe in coincidences, but the law of attraction:)
my boyfriend of about 1 year broke up with me. the thing that makes me most upset is that he already has another girlfriend. how am i suppose to win him back if he has another girl. its been about 3 months since the split. what do i do? i miss and love his so much.
hey essy, my boyfriend broke up with me this morning. he said that he cant deal with my constant emotions and cant give me the emotions i need out of him. and that i talk of living together and he doesnt see that. he said he is used to being self dependent and doing things his own way (he was in active duty for 4 years so he is very used to the military life.) anyway, he is getting his tonsils taken out right now as we speak and he told me not to come to the hospital, but i think if i show up later on tonight there with a get well balloon and his favorite milkshake since thats all he can pretty much eat, that itll show that i care and i do want to talk and work things out. but im not sure if i should go or what i should say? please help me!
also, im not a clingy girl i havent been texting him or anything all i asked if i could come see him after the surgery. it wasnt a bad break up we didnt exchange any hurtful words or anything. and our relationship was good whenever we were together. we had alot of fun together tons of talking no cheating no lying we were always straight up with each other which is what ive always wanted.
My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me out of the blue. We were doing really well but I went away for a week and during that time he spent time with one of his girl 'friends' who he discovered he had feelings for so he thought it's only fair to break up with me. Now he's just completely replaced me with this other girl and it's only been 2 months since we broke up. I don't want to replace him with anyone, I still love him and I don't think it's healthy. He's doing all the same things we did together with this other girl. To make matters worse he works with the girl's mom who was trying to break us up and get him to go out with her daughter for years before he actually did. Now I think he feels like he can't break up with her because then he'd have to leave his job. She's completely wrong for him and her mother's been manipulating him from the start but he doesn't see it and I don't know how to get him to see it without seeming like I'm just trying to get him back. I know that I am right for him and not her but I don't know how to show him. I don't think he's lonely or missing me so much because he has her. I don't know what to do. Please help :(
This is really helping me A LOT . I have re-read it about 10 times now. Im going through a break up after a 3 1/2 year relationship. We broke up a little over 2 months ago now. I love him more then anything and scared I already ruined my chances of getting back with him. I did ALL the wrong things. Plus I found out he has been talking to another girl he met online and they have still yet to meet because of the distance. It sucks to because the past week or so we have spent more time together then we have in a long time and the only time we fought was because of her. We still kiss and pretty much act like we are together. And I figure because of this we would of been back together if it wasnt for her. Plus I dont even think she likes him that much, the only time she calls him is between 1 and 3 in the morning. I figure even if I dont hear from him it will be a good stepping stone for me to get over him. He keeps telling me he loves me but is not IN love with me and there is a chance of us getting back together just not right now but how long do I wait before I move on? I was really disapointed that you no longer recieve private emails. I understand tho. If you could give me some feedback though I would really appreciate it. Thank you.
You said in the example, that you made sure her ex knew about the lessons. How do I make sure my ex knows about my "activities" without making it seem like I want him to know?
Hi Essy, Your artical is amazing! But I was wondering if you could help me with a not so similar situation...I have had feelings for this guy for 7 months prior to our encounter. Now, 10 months ago he was dating my best friend but we had developed feelings for eachother before then and did not persue them due to my friend having liked him as well. After they had broken up he and I started talking alot more and then he just stopped talking to me, deleted me off the social networking space and everything. I sent him a message and asked why he didn't want to talk anymore and he said he felt guilty for liking me. In Decemeber we started flirting way more than usual and he told me he wanted to date. We spent a night together and continued talking for two weeks, and then nothing...again. What should I do? I'm so confused & I know I've fallen for him, I'm to stubborn to let him go but my gut keeps telling me to stop all thoughts of him and therefore I haven't made any attempt to contact him.
All I can say is when I broke up with my guy the 1st time, I got the TW book you recommended. It worked, I got him back. But he broke up with me again..this went on for 4 times altogether! Yes four times. He's indecisive and couldn't make up his mind about us. Each time, I went through all the tears and heart break, picked myself up and did all the 'play hard to get' thing to win him back. The 4th and final time however, amid the tears and broken heart pieces it finally drawn to me I was such an idiot and I cut off contact for real and this time I really did move on with my life (unlike the other times where I pretended to have moved on to make him jealous and come back to me). I have since met someone else wonderful, who thinks I'm fantastic and stunning! Funny thing is, my ex has come back on the scene and is trying to get me back..and I'm proud to say I'm TOTALLY over him. Take him back? NO WAY! I found better... Life is great!
Sometimes the best thing to do is to move on for real. Sometimes the guy is really a waste of your time and effort. The book can only help you so far, use your instincts and brains to decide what your next step for the future is :)
So i need help i was dating this boy tyler and thought he was the one and my mom hated him so i hide him and then this guy Nash who my mum loved i started dating him to and my mum new well i was hiding the to boys from each other and was really cold with Nash acted like i didn't care witch i thought i didn't then he broke up with me and i made a huge mistake Nash is the one i love and i dont know what to do? i gave him 3 months of space and started talking to him again im going away with him friday to go surfing but were not dating do i ask him back out tell him i want to try this again after the trip he said hes leaving in the summer for work about 3hrs away but im not sure if thats the truth. What do i need to do to get my Nash back please help!!!!
umm, me and my bf split like 3 week ago, he's now with some other girl, but i miss him so much :/
and i have no idea what to do, he said we was "drifting apart" and i got so upsett, beacuse i knew something was wrong for a few week but i didnt want to ask incase he though i was prying and sticking my nose in, i judt thought that if it was important he would tell me, and then he did....
he saw that i was really upsett, and we've been out a few times with other friends, but and i think that he's over me, and he thinks that im over him, but im not. And i think ive blown any chance ill ever have to get him back.
what should i do?
heyy, me and my boyfriend just recently broke up. he admitted that he missed me and thought of me every now and then though, which is a plus? he still wants to see me between our classes, and he wants to see me before school too...what do i do?! im really not sure. he likes that i still talk to him though, but should i show that im sad? even if he showed me that he is sad?
Geez, there's nothing louder than the sound of a cell phone that's not ringing or beeping! I get my strongest urges to call my BF in the afternoon hours..so that is when I need to keep busy.
Also, I just wish that it wasn't so taboo for our BF's to see us cry over the ending of a relationship..that seems to be our natural, instintive reaction. Where it goes wrong is when we take it to extremes and call too much, beg, plead, etc.
All I can do now is trust my BF's feelings for me, which were very strong. I am giving him his space and letting him miss me (hopefully). I am also going to throw in a little jealousy tactic...I am "joining a hiking group" (which he knows is full of guys).
My boyfriend and I broke up several months ago. We dated for about 5 months when his mother died unexpectedly. We had amazing chemistry and were great companions...enjoying each other's company and spending weekends together, etc. He claims that the break up has nothing to do with his mother dying (he broke up with me the day before her wake) and says that he did not love me....that it was too soon and that it takes him a long time to "fall in love." He broke up with me shortly after the holidays and he gave me really wonderful presents that he put a lot of thought into. He had also told me on several occasions when the subject of dating came up that I, "had nothing to worry about." I took this to mean that we would be together for a long time, and that I wouldn't have to go back out there looking. He always told me that I was the most even-keeled woman that he ever met...and he said he liked how supportive I was of him. The unfortunate thing is that we had our first fight just prior to his mom dying, so he was already upset and then all of this happened with his mom. He broke up with me, did not want me at the wake or funeral. I respected his wishes and stayed away, although I was heartbroken. I sent flowers to the house and sent cards to him, his father and his siblings, with heartfelt notes. Several weeks after the break-up he called me. I told him that I was sorry that he felt that way, but that I understood what he was saying and that I would have to move on. I told him if he needed someone to talk to that he could call me. Then I found the Kick Loves Ass forum online and read about the NC message. Several weeks after the initial break-up I sent him the recommended NC letter. Upon receiving it, he immediately sent me an e-mail asking if I was OK, then a txt message and an IM, also asking if I was OK. I did not respond and have had NC for about 3 weeks. My plan is to work on myself. I have been very busy with work and have been going out and catching up with my friends. I miss him terribly. The other day he unfriended me on Facebook. My plan is to contact him eventually, but I am not sure when I will do that. I do not live near him, we have no mutual friends, and there is no way we would ever be bumping into each other.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you think I have a chance, even though he is claiming that he did not love me? He was pretty grief-stricken, and when he initially broke up with me, he was in a rage. I had never seen him like this, but I understand that it was the grief. Overall, I was happy with how I handled the break-up. I stayed strong, and did not beg or plead....honestly I think he was expecting that.
Please let me know your thoughts on my situation. Thanks!
Started out with a guy knowing he was kind of seeing someone, said nothing serious, sparks flew between us like no other I've ever experienced, a real deep attraction/closeness, hard to explain, everything going fine, this girl all of a sudden moves to this area unexpected, didn't tell him, he was furious at first, then decided he wants to try and work it out with her now that she's here. I know he passionately fell for me like I did him. How do I win him back, I miss him so much.
still no contact..it's so hard..I want to contact him so bad but am feeling too emotional right now and not in control. Alyssa, I was just reading your post and it sounds like you may be feeling the same way..emotins out of control...it's best to let them simmer down a bit before conting him. I would suggest checking out the website kick loves ass and read through the suggestions that guy gives and read other people's posts..I was on it for hours last night and it shed some intersting light into my situation...
My boyfriend said he no longer wants to be in a relationship after dating 3 years. He picks me up to take me to work everyday because I don't have a car. So its hard because I see him everyday. He tries to keep everything on a friendly level. I was doing good playing it off like it did not bother me. I would not talk at first and that bothered him. So I started talking to ease our ride in the morning. Today I lost it and started questioning about why he wanted to break up, he said I was harassing him and nagging him. I fussed all the way home. I know he feels like he has the upper hand I am just hurt right now. We do not call each other. He calls in the morning to tell me he is outside. I know I made a fool of myself today but I could not hold it in. should I just pretend I am okay when I get in the car in the morning I asked did he meet anyone but he told me no, but I checked phone records and he has been texting 2 females. I told him about this and he went off and said its nothing and that he going to change phones. What should I do
Hi Essy,
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago and I already miss him so much. I was devastated and it was so unexpected that I did exactly what you're not supposed to do and cried and told him we could work it out. I've even called him since too. I'm finding it really hard to cope and I can't sleep or eat or concentrate. He said it would only be temporary but I don't see why he wouldn't just prefer to take a break?
He lives about 45 minutes from me and we have no mutual friends so there's no chance of us bumping into each other or him hearing about me unless it's via facebook or something, what should I do? I don't want him to forget about me :(
Hi Essy,
My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a week ago and said things like "I don't think we're right for eachother" and "I don't know if I'm ready". I've been playing it cool and not calling him (i have said hi occasionally on facebook chat) Then 4 days ago he said he missed me and if he could call me tomorrow, needless to say he never called me. Then today he finally changed his facebook status from "in a relationship" to nothing. I think he's been going through some stuff because he has been really down on himself (calling himself fat and stuff). He's been giving me majorly mixed signals, I just want him back and I want to help. I just don't know what to do :(
Howdy doody Essy,
Tell me if your tips go with my situation.
He broke up with me because there's things he REALLY doesn't like (don't know what they are), but he still loves me, he had no friends at the time and all my friends are guys, and he was jealous. Don't get this wrong, I'm no flirt, but I partied with some guys and thing is, I felt as if I had to tell him about the WHOLE party in order to make him unsuspicious but that made it worse and worse. I made him too jealous to handle. He's got friends now, he's told me he's very happy and loves his friends, which is good, but I'm jealous, I was his bestest friend before all this. Even if I had the best day ever, I'm still sad knowing he most likely doesn't care for me. I want him back but I'm not sure that making him jealous would be the right move.
me and my boyfriend brokeup about 3 months ago and im pretty sure i screwed everything up
once we brokeup, i texted him too many times and pushed him away. he has a new girlfriend now but it doesnt even seem like he likes her that much. ive tried everything to be with him again but once i found out he had a girlfriend i stopped texting him and everything.
is there anyway we can work things out?
hey there. Me and my Ex boyfrind were together for more than 4mon. two weeks ago he broke up with me for the reason of ,,its not the same anymore'' . I know he loves me more than i love him. I was still very upset and we end in agreement to stay very close friends. I could not live with out him so i called him all thie time and i made him hang out. Today i came to your website and i saw what i did was wrong. Very wrong. I showed him that i need him and still love him and i even made his sister talk to him about it. Now he things im despret. How can i still get him back?
-pleace help me i can't live with out him
Hey My boyfriend says he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and that he still likes me he just can't be a "boyfriend" right now. I don't care what he calls himself all I want is for him to want to be around me again and give me the same attention. I fence with him and I see him at practice and I try to give him the cold shoulder and I never call him unless he calls me or I have an important question about fencing or something related. He actually still calls me at least 3 times a week and texts me but usually when he is bored or drunk... He says he likes me... But obviously not as much as he used to... What can I do in order to get him to find me irrisistable again in this particular situation?
Hi Esmeralda, thanks for this article.. it helps me a lot..
but i have to ask you one thing, in many articles about this subject, people keep saying, "limit your contact. Go outside his radar etc.." but what if he is the one who is text messaging me? he text me once almost everyday to ask what are you doing? and things like that. Should i reply?
the thing is, we are attending the same church, so i will have to see him at least once a week.. so I think that i still need to be polite in a way.. I did reply the previous messages in a short unattached way and usually i waited a few hours before I reply.. is that okay or i should just not reply at all? need your advice.. love -casey-
hey there!
this really has worked wonders, i havent tried it yet, but the whole 'there maybe an actual chance' things has worked great for me! massive confidence boost just reading that! i am afraid though i am one of those 'pity seekers' as me and my boyfriend have just spit up. i truly am heartbroken but this has given me tremendious hope.
After a year being together my bf broke up with me we were in love with each other and planned to be together forever. he said it was because he said he did not trust me. But i never did anything except talk to people he didn't like. And he said he does not want a serious relationship. Also he said that the spark was kind of gone. But what hurts even more is that a day after we broke up he started dating this other girl. He says we can still be friends. He says he still has feelings for me. i just want him back so badly and i will do whatever it takes. I am trying not to call him but ill call him once a day. Sometimes he will call me. It has been 2 weeks since our brake up and we have not seen each other in almost a month. He says he misses me. I want to try to get him back but i feel like the only thing standing between us is his gf.
My boyfriend recently broke up with me about one week ago. It was over trust issues and him needing his space. I am his first gf and we were together for about 10 months. I really wanted to call him up and tell him that I missed him and that I wanted to give him the so called "space" he needs. But after reading your article I realized that I should really focus on myself and if I want him back I need to let him go for the time being. It's sooooo hard! But I hope someone can please give me an advice on something! PLEASE!
So my ex is still my friend on Facebook, it is so difficult because I go on his page to see if he has added anyone or anything new. I want to delete him off my Facebook but then I'm scared to do so because it will seem like I hate him, I don't really know. Anyhow, I went on my Facebook when I got home from the movies it was quite late like around 1 and then I saw him on and he had added a new girl! It hurt me soooo much and I just wanted to call him and ask him if he really is moving on so fast! But I came here and read the article and it made me stronger! I don't know what to think??? The thought that keeps running through my head is: Is he going to go out with her?? Is he going to start talking to her?? Should I move on and just forget about it? I hope someone could please give me some advice on this! I would really appreciate!
My bf and i have been off and on for two and a half years now and trust me it gets old really fast because it kills me and its been a roller coaster to trust him sense he does all the leaving. He went to aunt and uncles about two weeks ago and every time he leaves is usually when he leaves me as well. We have always said we were meant to be and that theres a reason y he always comes back.. Im so in love with him and i cant imagine my life without him. Well its really complicated now cuz im pregnant and this is when i need him the most. Im 32 weeks pregnant and each day gets harder and harder on me. He says he still wants to be in the room with me when i have him and that he dosent want the baby living separate lives so we should just be good friends until then and then make the decision. I feel like its my fault that he broke up with me cuz the baby might not be his and he knows everything ive always been honest with him. We were planning on raising the baby our selves whether he was his or not and now everything has changed. We broke up last summer and i really thought it was over and i ended getting closer to one of his friend of the families not intending to sleep with him but im a very nieve and dumb person that when i get under pressure i give in. The worst mistake of my life. Im just scared that were over over and its stressing me out and killing me day by day we talk and hes said hes missed me and thinking i could be with someone else is killing him but then i started giving into my feelings and just freaked out telling him how much i miss him that i don't think i can do this and it seems like now ive just pushed him away more. What should i do i honestly dont wanna live my life without him but he seems like hes moving on just fine without me. HELP!!!
My boyfriend and I after three years decided he couldn't take the distance any longer and ended the relationship. I had already talked to my friends and while I made a few slip up made sure not to talk to him and give him space and time to miss me.
I've also made sure to do things with friends and post comment son my facebook page about it as well as change my profile picture with a new one my art major roomy took. It's been four weeks without any actual contact but I did send him a message in facebook (not his cell) wishing him a happy Easter.
He responded back to me and it's the first time since the break up really that we've talked but it's hard to tell if he still has feelings for me. I have been a little devious and throw in small references that pertain to my conversations on facebook but also have meaning to the two of us and I don't know if I should or not.
Dear anyone who will give me advice,
My bf broke up with me a little less than a week ago. We met here in college and we hung out for a few months and then started dating for a few months. The break up came out of no where (at least for me). We have fought in the past, but any normal couple will fight, but we always made up after. When he broke up with me he was very quick about it. Told me he had been feeling unhappy for a while and that it was over. That entire weekend i was upset, confused, and angry. He had left it in such an awful situation i didnt know what to do. That following monday (2 days ago) he contacted me about some stuff i had left at his place, so i decided to take that opportunity to txt him back and tell him i had to ask him some questions face-to-face. So i went to his place that night and asked him what happened, because I was under the impression everything was ok. He told me that he didn't want a gf and just wanted to be single for a while. He also said that he gets bored easily and doesn't like to do long distance relationships (he would be going home for the summer..about 3 months...3 hours away from where i would be). He said he still wanted to be friends. (I did start to cry a little during this conversation I will admit.) That really hurt. I broke the biggest rule, and we slept together that night. I wish i could take that back a thousand times, but i messed up. He is the one person i want to be with (and yes i know time heals everything), but i really want to get him back. He was amazing to me when we were together and i want to know if he actually doesnt love me anymore. Im just scared that once he goes home for a few months it will be a lost cause. Please help!
Ok...so my ex-boyfriend broke up with me because he needed space and we were arguing constantly. So I was fine with the break up but then I lost it when I found out that he was going on a double date with a girl that I know! We had not talked in over a week. So I called him and confronted him about it! I know I shouldn't have but it was a stab to my heart. I asked him why he's moving on so fast and he responded by saying why should I care. He then told me that it's the only way to forget about me and that he is going to FORCE himself to move on??? Ok seriously, I feel like the bad guy in this picture does he hate me that much and never ever in his life would ever consider getting back with me. He is very arrogant and cocky, and I just can't handle the way he is. I hope someone PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE.
hey Essy,
Me and my bf started going around 4 months back. Things were good in the first month but they got bad later. We broke up a month after that but patched up three days later because he started missing me. The break up took place because he thought i ignored him and i thought the opposite. After the patch up, things weren't same as before. Recently, during a chat, he said that he thought it wasn't working and he missed the way he and his ex had been (his ex is happy with another guy) but then he regretted later and said he wasn't in his senses when he said that. Now, we've again broken up and I don't know the reason. We both are no more talking to each other and avoid eye contact but I've noticed him looking at me. Please help (take into consideration that me and my bf are only 14 yrs old!)
I need some advice please.
my boyfriend left me because his parents don't want us together anymore. he said it was really hard for him and he still loves me and everything. but he just doesn't want to disappoint his parents. what do i do? i love him, and i need him back.
hey Essy,
i have been with the guy for 4 months, we used to see each other everyday the first two months because we were working together but then we started seeing each other less because im at school and he's at college
weve been having alot of problems because we were never an official couple since im 16 and he's 20, but i know he wwas madly in love with me and used to show it all the time
it has been 3 weeks now we are fighting because of stupid things and a week ago he said he didnt want us to go back back the way we were. the funniest thing is that we started working together again and are travelling twice in may together.. i was stupid and i havent stopped calling him to see if we can arrange things. he told me he still have feelings for me but not like before and asked me why couldnt we stay FRIENDS! friends after all we've been through! he saved my life 2 months ago, he has been my best friend for the last 5months and right now i feel so desperate and stupid at the same time.. i want him back and i thing that us travelling together in few weeks might be a second chance for us
he hasnt been coming to work this week because he had to "study" but im sure its also because of me since he has been going out alot..last week when we saw each other he said he wanted to arrange things but he changed his mind a day later.
he said taht weve been lying to each other all this time because we werent in a real relationship and asked me why cant we just be friends
please i need your help :)
Xxxx Jenny
Hey Essy,
I loved this article!
It really give me a new perspective into what men want.
But I want to know what you think I should do in my case.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months. during the last 2 weeks he has been telling me that he doesn't know what he wants, and that he is confused. He sais that he's tired of the relationship. When we were together things were perfect, we had alot of connection. He has introduced me to his family, his friends and the people he works with and he saw that everyone really liked me, including his parents. I always made his friends laugh and we all had a great time together. and everyone told him that they were happy to see us as a couple, and that we fit very much together.
Despite all of this, I was the one who broke up with him because i didnt get anything from him in the past few weeks of our relationship. I felt like he was only saying that he's confused and he doesnt know what he wants, so i said to myself why should i let him hurt me when he doesn really call me much or hang out with me. So, i decided to let him know that I will forget about him and that I want to move on with my life.
His mother gave me a bracelet for christmas present and i always wore it until the day i told him to come and get his stuff from my apartment including the bracelet. And he told me, don't throw away the bracelet, keep it. I said no, and I saw how devestated he became.
Although, everytime I asked him he wouldn't say what the problem was, I figured it might be because me and him spent ALOT ALOT of time together when we were a couple and maybe i pressured him and he felt like he needed some space.
I just dont know what to do next. Sometimes I just wished he would call me so things would get better but I also keep in mind what you wrote in the article. I need some advice and want to know if You think it will work out between me and him, if he will eventually contact me and want me back.
I'd appreciate it if you could answer me,
thank u.
My boyfriend and i broke up about two months ago and now he likes my best friend. I don't really know what to do to get his mind off of her. I really need help, we were in love and i just want to be back together....
Just last week my boyfriend was very sensitive to what I wanted and my feelings. We are both under a lot of stress considering we are both in the United States Army stationed in Germany. He has been away training for the past couple weeks which adds more stress which I understand. Last week he was telling me he loved me and missed me and couldn't wait to come home to me. He also told me I don't text him as much as I used to. Then this week he hasn't been texting me as much and then 2 nights ago he told me he loved me very much but I'm "smothering" him and if I don't relax I'm going to push him away. Then yesterday morning he texted me and we were fine all day until last night and he like snapped on me and told me that he's not the romantic sweet type like he acted like and the only reason he was doing it was to make me happy and he was upsetting me a lot so I finally told him I would just talk to him later..but I don't know if he is trying to push me away or if he's just really stressed b.c of being in the field and his up coming deployment. A couple weeks ago we were talking about getting married and he told me he wanted to marry me but he'd rather wait until we went back to the states because he doesn't want to have a court house wedding because he wants me to be able to look back in 10 years and feel like I had the wedding of my dreams..so how can he go from being so sweet to this in a matter of 2 weeks? I don't know what to do Essy. Please help.
hey essy,
I need some advice.my boyfriend/father of my 10 month old baby just took off and packed his things last night. he was talking about leaving me for a while because we havent been getting along and i have been a horrible girlfriend to him by accusing him of things that werent true.We both would constantly do hurtful things.I hate how i treated him and still love him to the fullest.I want him back before its too late and he finds someone else!!help please. and its hard to stay out of contact with him because of our daughter!what do i do?
My ex boyfriend broke up with me yesterday because im not trustworthy. We've broke up about 3 times because I lied to him about the same thing over and over again. Soo...I used to like his best friend about 2 years ago (btw my boyfriend and I were together for 4 years)and I promised my ex I would stop texting him. I stopped texting for about a week and then I started texted him again and my boyfriend found out. I dont like his best friend now but hes a really cool guy to talk to. I really want my ex boyfriend back after all the times we've broken up. Im going to try and follow the rules even though ive messed up so many times and he hates me...
well i broke up with my boyfriend amonth and a half ago.... he moved on he has a girlfriend. he asked me to be his girlfriend again before his new girlfriend and i said no stupidly thinking he was going to stay single until i felt comftorable getting back with him, now im trying to get back i basiclly broke every single rule... i didnt know i had to do all this well now hes teling me to move on and to accept that weve broken up but i cant i want to get back with him and i dont think staying away is going to make the situation better.... hes not going to miss me if he has a new girlfriend. but wth. ill have to try it im desperate
I love your article it inspired me ! because im trying so hard to get my ex back and i was doing all the things you said were wrong to do to get him back but now that i know all the right things im going to give it a shot! because i love him.
Thank You!
First of all i want to thank you for your ground rules advice , second i broke up with my bf a month ago i'm so devastated and its being harder on me since his sister is my best friend and everyday we see each other.
My only problem is that i disrespected him in front of his parents, when i knew, at that moment, he's been cheating on me.
it is killing me i'm not eating anymore, neither resting, nor sleeping all the time i'm using a medication that will help me relax.
the problem is my dignity i can't apologize to a person who cheated on me
i'm not calling him since that day, and he did the same thing, i really love him and miss him and finally i REALLY want him back :(
thanks for your help.
Hi I just read your article and I am afraid I read it too late. As soon as me and my boyfriend broke up I begged him and pleaded. But we broke up a month ago and I havent initiated contact with him in a while...so does that help my situation any or is it too late :S ? thanks
your advice made sense... i need help! my boyfriend broke up with me last night and idk what to do! he thinks i like this other guy because i talked to him a couple times! that guy started to like me and i didnt kno which one to choose then i stopped talking to the other guy because i loved my boyfriend and no one else! but then he dumped me and i want him back so bad i love him and id want to be with anyone but him but he wont talk to me anymore and he doesnt believe that i dont like the other guy so he dumped me and told my bestfriend and i think its really over! he is moving in a year too and i want him to be with me and no other girl! i dont want to be with any guy but him!
Hello, first i should apologize for my english cause I moved to Canada recently and was pretty busy studying for my exam that i could barely have time to improve my english but anyways, i met this guy at my cousin's birthday,his best friend for nearly 12 years was a kind of very usual guy nothing special about him at the first moment
,he was a divorced 31 years old guy having a job for 10 years( attending college for 2 years ),but happy sort of funny guy ,not pretty at all but i was lonely he came to me and we dated for 3 months ,almost always talking through the phone cuz he was working 5 hours away from where I live.
so i only saw him for 2 weeks on his vacation recently.
I used to talk to him and loved him more and more each day till i said i cant marry u, and as he planned on staying with me he said so i cant put all my love and happiness onto you and he left me so simple that i got into a deep shock.Because he had once divorced and he was not educated as i am and because he was not a man of my dreams i had to let him go,but i feel so sad, i honestly did like him but his feelings for me vanished so fast and i couldn't believed it till he didn't call me to wish me a happy birthday one week after our broke up :( please help me cuz still can't let him go in my mind .i removed him from facebook and messenger cuz i saw he was pretty moved on with his life and dating other girls and have fun and forgot me like i was dead for him the very first moment we met.
Hey! My boyfriend of 3 and half years just broke up with me because he said he didnt know if he had feelings for me anymore :( Of course I was and still am devestated. Unfortunantly I called and cried to him!!! But yesterday was the first day I haven't tried to contact him. We've been broken up for about 2 weeks now. Have I ruined my chances of getting back together with him since I called him and told him I could not be with out him anymore??? I need help!!!!!
You know this is so right..You just have to stay strong no matter what! I messed up and called my ex because his brother's gf (which I know!) introduced him to a girl a week and a half after we broke up! I couldn't believe that my boyfriend of almost 1 year decided to do that! Anyhow, I showed him my weakness..and now I feel like I have completely lost him. It hit me quite hard the other night..I miss him, I wish I could take back all the things I did wrong. But I realized that in order to really move on is letting go completely. If it's really meant to be he will come back to me. But staying STRONG is the only way. He had his wrongs and doesn't recognize them. They always say, "you don't know what you have till it's gone." Anyhow, stay strong, have fun, and just remember if it's God's plan for two individuals to be together nothing and no one will stop love.
this is really good advice
ive just split up with my boyfriend n ive been goin out with him for 2 years he split up with me because wanted some space and everything was getting too much
at first i found it so difficult n i rang him a lot crying but i realised that hes not gonna want me back if i do that we also decided that we were going to try and not talk to each other for a month and see if anything has got better. i also read this nd thought that i should listen to your advice. we agreed that we wouldnt talk much n that we would just ring each other once a week on a sunday but he rang me on saturday saying i rang u today because i miss you n iloveyou but he said that he still wanted some space because i had only left him alone for two days. do you think i am doing the right thing and do you think we will be together again thanks
Hey Essy.
my boyfriend broke up w/ me exactly a week ago On Sunday, saying "i am just unhappy with our relationship, i just need some time to find what makes me happy. if its you then ill come back.(started crying) I really love you, i really do" then he asked me to move out right then & there. i was so torn up about it cause just a day or two we was happy. so then after that he couldn't tell me why he's feeling this way.at all. so then "YES" i kinda did break your rule #2. just a little. to the point he wouldn't talk to me period for 3days. so i was just torn for those 3days. texting him & all of that. until i came to realize SO many help me see that I'm pushing him away even more & its going to be more complicated after that. so i stopped. went to his house to go get my cat. he was shocked & very upset that i came over unexpectedly. it DID take him a while to answer the door, but i just brushed it off. so i left w/o the cat, & came back 5min. later.heard a female in his house(one his mom introduced them), so i knocked on the door once again. took him 3min to open the door, again. so i banged louder. he opened the door even more pissed, "WELL SO WAS I" he lied to me. do i got mad to the point i punched him right in the jaw then slammed the door in his face. then i left. so then the next day he was texting me telling me how angry he was about my punching him. i told him " why wont you forgive me? i told you i forgave you & I'm truly sorry about hitting you" he got to the point where he said "i am bound to hit anyone right now cause, i got hit & i didn't do anything about it." so i said "so you would hit me?"... he told me "right now id hit anybody because i don't care anymore." i know for a fact Essy he wouldn't put his hands on ANY woman. He's not that type of guy. so i told him "why cant you just let it go? i told you i was sorry, it was an act out of anger. what do you expect? you lied to me & tried to hide her".. he said" OK i admit i was wrong for lying & ill apologize for that. but its not right for a female to hit a man & expect everything to be OK about it. so from now on I'm not being nice". i told him " OK" that was the end of that convo. when we texted the day after that he wasn't mad at me anymore because we had a regular conversation "AS FRIENDS". now its a week later we haven't had any contact what so ever. I now & then acknowledged that i have a "mamas boy" on my hands. she really haven't approved of me since day one. but it didn't really phase me cause im not in the relationship w/ his mom or his family. i was all about him. So now we haven't talked for two days going on now. I'm trying to find a job so i can work & get my mind off of him. I know he'll come back to me cause i actually treated him like no other girlfriend he's had before me. Ive been there for him when his dad died(I sat there & held his hand at the funeral the whole time). so i know for sure he CAN'T let me go that easily. Tell me am I doing ok now that i had my time to mourn over him leaving me. I still think about him alot, but JUST looking in the future. which is helping me out a lot. -Krista
omg!! thank you soo much !! i used this wit my ex nd he took me bak yay!! ur awsome!
Hey i need to ask a question what if you decided to go ahead and be friends after he left it up to you,would it be a bad idea to just hang-out as friends? he broke up with me 1 day before our anniversary and that hurt even worse because he was goin to come over, but if i called and asked if he wanted to hang-out with me and some friends and invited some cute guys would that be a bad idea???
I've broke up with my 4 years bf last week. We had been having long distance relationship for almost 1 year now. On the day that we've broke up, he told me he feels that he doesn't feels appreciated and loved. And out distance grows. He feels he no longer love me anymore. I'm so desperate to want him back. I've cried and beg him back for 2 days. When he insisted, I've let him go. He's now back to school in another country. And I'm dying to go over to look for him. But I know I shouldn't as he had put it firmly across that he has no feelings for me and he finds that he is not loved and appreciated. How do I get him back?
Thank you so much for your advice....it was like a miracle sent directly to me.....I know it's going to work....will keep you posted....So right now I'm in the stage of having to keep away from him....stop calling and begging and crying....Thanks so much again....Nadira
dear essy,
my ex broke up with me after a month of fighting on and off, he never showed any signs that he would end it with me. In fact he was always the one scared that i would leave him. After a heated arguement he finally called it quits and told me we could "still be friends". i told him he would regret his decision and that it was his loss because he would never find someone like me (he agree to both of these statements, and was VERY sad when he broke it off). I told him i didn't want to be JUST friends with him and that i was saying goodbye forever...my ex argued with me and resisted INSISTING we be friends. though i wish i had cut off contact with him from the start i continued to speak with him for a week after our breakup, which only made me feel worse.
he told me that he still loved me, but not enough to go back. that he didn't want to get hurt again, and that he doesn't feel the same way anymore. Thing is, the breakup was a split second decision and his stubborness will not allow him to make initial contact with me again.
I told him that when i'm ready to be just friends i will contact him again. it's been 2 weeks of no contact so far, and his facebook activity has suddenly increased. He's flirting with girls, leaving them similar fb wall posts that he did to me when we first got together, trying to make me jealous.
I do admit i begged for him back but then i made it clear that i was ready to move on because he obviously didn't want us to get back together. BUT he still tells me he's not "over it". he's the dumper so shouldn't he ALREADY be over it?
there is so much more i can tell you i think i'd need to write a lengthy email about this. but thank you for listening and please reply :)
Hey my name's Rachal.My boyfriend had broken up with me becasue his parents were like super weird and saw that he was texting A girl and they got mad and threatened to ground him if he didn't break up with me.So of course he broke up with me but then I began cutting out communication with him.After that I started hanging out with a group of guys.I started actually not caring about the break up as much.And believe it or not he stopped talking to all other girls but me, he started calling my phone NON-STOP.He said that he "Loved me more than anyone and didn't care what his family thought anymore and said he was very sorry" I had him begging and pleading for me back after ONE DAY OF BEING BROKEN UP.Thank you soooo much.My first instinct was to beg and plead he take me back but I just ignored him and flirted with outher boys HE was the one Begging & Pleading.
Thank you so much .You iterally helped save my love life.
hi how r u!!!! i am in very hard n complicated relationship ..
my bf was flying away for de week and my mum found out about him n stuff so i had to break up but i did not tell him the reason why.. after 4 day i had to tell him..but it was 2 late and stuff and he alraedy liked sumone else when i asked him he told me taht he wanted a shoulder to cry on and she was there..
i blame myself but i cant do anythin i tried everythin possible 2 get him back
i have been sick and i have been often having headaches
i dont now what to do and i cant get over him! and i really want him back !
please help
It has been 11 days since me and my boyfriend have broken up, and the bad thing is everytime i go to school i have to see him and when i do i feel like i am on the edge of a emotional break down...do you have any tips that can help?
Hey essy... This is reali helpful but do you think all this could still work if u have a 3 month old baby?... It was only the other day that we had a reli big argument and he told me he's not sure if he still loves me!!... I admit that I have been very needy and insecure and jealous since my baby was born and this is when all the arguments started!... N I don't blame him for leaving as I have practically pushed him away!!... Having a baby put alot of strain on us and I suggested living apart as we've only been together 15 months but he sed if we do that we split up and ultimately we just made things even worse for ourselves!... I reli need some advice please could you help... Thankyou Lianne x
thanx..i guess it will work..i'll try..
Hey Essy,
My bf broke up with me today & I feel really terrible. I read your article & Im planning on following the steps. Im not sure, tho if its gonna be worth it. He said that he just wanna be friends becuz he's not ready for a relationship yet. He also said that he still likes me & loves talking to me. What do I do? Im so confused.
My boyfriend and I just broke up 11 days ago and I am makin sure I look like the happiest girl alive. I haven't talked to him and silently reurned his belongings to him without a word. I made sure when I saw him at school events he saw me not even paying attention to him. Then 2 days ago he was the one bothering ME for no reason. I've learned the hard way that pity and harassment NEVER work. as long as you stay confident the guy will come back eventually.
Hey! okay so here is the deal with me, so this guy i like, and he really liked me, well he kissed me and thing were going great. One day out of no where he sent me a message on facebook and was like yeah i kinda stoped liking you. so i asked him why and he said he just lost intrest. But he told my friend that I was talking to him to much and he felt like i was stalking him. I would like to find out how to get him back before the end of the school year is over (May 28th). Okay! Thank you so much!!
i loved the advice on this thing on how 2 get Ur ex-boyfriend back i haven't tried it yet butt i hope it will work!! Oh, i wish i would have read this article before i started to call him and leave funny messages butt he did laugh at them so i guess i'm not that bad eh, once again i loved the article and i hope it will work butt don't bother writing anything back Okay!! Love the Canadian Girl Agent Dezy.
My ex told me he didn't think we should see eachother on I was devastated and it's been 3 months and I'm still a little heart broken but these tips. We were together for almost a year, not too long but I loved him. I don't even know what went wrong because everything was so perfect. I was wrong I guess. My worry is now, that I won't get to patch things up before summer break and there are only about 5 weeks til then which is starting to scare me. I want to talk to him so bad but we don't make too much contact but he now likes my best friend..was my bestfriend. This is such a mess. I'm so confused and i never know if he's flirting or just playing games thinking I'll always be there for him thinking he can come back when he feels like it. If anyone has advice I would very much appreciate it!
hey essy, i could really use some advice, me and my boyfriend broke up on sunday night through not seeing eachother enough, as he is in 6th form in school and has alot of coursework to do, which made us not be able to see enough of eachother. we stopped going out and then he told me he still loved me, we have broken up and gotten back together 3 times now.. and after he told me he still loved me i said to him that he doesn't love me and that i'm getting over him and for him not to tell me he loves me while we are friends.. because i wanted to get over him. now, i don't want to get over him asi can't get him out of my head and i love him. but now he thinks that i'm getting fully over him, i don't know what to do because i'm not going to get over him and i know it. but i want him to know that he doesn't have to give up on me now because i'm not getting over me.
please can you help me with what should i do?
love from, annabel.
Hey Essy,
So my boyfriend and i broke up over a fight and i used the really bad tactic... (i now know yeah it doesnt work so great) so we are like semi together but more broken up... we talk and stuff... but he finds it awkward... and he does still find me attractive biologically (like you said he would) He says i have a week to show him he might still want a relationship with me... What should i do? I already broke the first rule???
Yeah me and my boyfreind been going out for 9 months .I am truly in love with him .Yes i am only 16 years old but idont know .What to do .He broke up with me a week ago . and i am noticing my self begging for him back i had to look this up .And i am so happy i found this website because i am young and stubborn and dont want to listin to my freinds because they all just tell me the same thing.Leave him alone and dont talk to him.Wait for him to come running back to you .It is so hard but now that i read this i actually am going to try really hard.I really need him back .I honestly thought bout alot of things .This changed me alot thank you .
hey im new to this but here goes, my bf of 9 years split up with me over two weeks ago now, but last week, we bumped into each other on a night out and he wanted to talk to me, he was just basically shouting at me, saying he thought my family didnt like him etc, which isnt true, after he finished shouting i just left, he rang me about an hour later and came round, said he wanted to get back, and the rest of the night shud i say is history, but the next day he left quickly and dumped me again! saying that he isnt happy with our reltionship and that i dont giuve him enough space, i dont respect him, and i dont listen to him! since splitting weve been talking on the phone but its only for him to say hes not happy with me anymore, but we havent spoken for the last 3 days, which even for 3 days is so hard for me, since we spoke everyday for three years, i just want to ring him, what should i do? :(
Dear Essy,
Does this help same sex couples too?
Also another question is...well if my situation is a total lost. You see my ex lives thirty minutes away from me....in mexico. And I met her from school, at my community college. I fell madly in love with her over time and I think she did as well. She was very romantic with me and even held me there almost for an half an hour just kissing me so she could still feel like my lips were still on hers before she went to bed that way she wasn't lonely. But ever since her mother found out about us she took all contact away from me but she ran away and went with her dad so she could contact me till school started again. When she finally came back I got paranoid and didn't treat her the same. I wondered how I should have been around her, how to act...because I didn't know if I wanted to go threw the pain of her being pulled away from me again. This however pushed her more away until one day I yelled at her that she never loved me, we got up set and after two days we got back together. She later on stated on the cpu that she loved me and missed me. Made me happy but I didn't reply and I messed up again when she came back. I was a little distant. Now she would never admit she loved me. No matter how much I tell her that I do. Now she has finally broke up with me after I broke up with her for a second time...and got cruel because I missed the old her. I know it is wrong, but I didn't even noticed until now. I want to tell her sorry for it but she doesn't even let me get closer to her anymore. I messed up badly. Yet I know in some way she missed me...for I haven't seen her for a few days, or well didn't talk to her and finally she did last night on msn but I didn't get it...yet some how I ran into her today and spoke to her. I was happy and when she first saw me she smiled. I think though that when we were separating well going to class, I ruined it by asking to hang out and then to see her some other time. She told me that if we ran into each other again sure. Most likely it wont happen since we have One week before school ends. I want to get back with her as soon as possible. I feel empty with out her...and I know she doesn't probably feel that way because she blocks out a lot of problems from her mind. Maybe if I did give her space she will miss me again and maybe more if I limit it, YET how can I ever run into her again when she is moving off to San Diego. I know I could chat with her on msn again and be nice from there...but I want her back. And I hope it's not too late. please help! And thank you! Also I know not to be that person again, if I do ever have a chance! I will probably not stop talking to her or having her talk forever, I miss what we had. So Please Help Me!!!
I LOVED your article. I feel like it'll really help me, but I think I messed it up too bad already. My boyfriend broke up with me after 3 weeks, 3 years ago. I love him, and haven't stopped since. I've told him I want him back various and multiple times over the 3 years, and have called him, and told him I loved him, and basically everything and more opposite of the article. Help. Please.
Hi Essy Awesome thoughts and rules.... Just want to know if you ideas will still work if my ex partner and I already have two stunning kids.... He comes to see the kids almost every day... How do you put the distance in, if I still want the kids to be able to see him every day.... He misses the kids but not me... I want him to miss me too....
Hi I have a question. My boyfriend of 28 months broke up with me about a week ago. We've broken up before but this time he seems really serious and it is pretty much my fault since I broke it off with him a lot and we fought a lot as well. But two days before the break up I wanted to end things and he fought super hard to fix t. But now he's given up, all he says to me is to move on and he won't even sit down to talk to me. Should I try to get him back?
THANK YOU!! This is an amazing article. Thank you for helping so many women. You are truly an amazing person.
My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost two years, and we have been in love for a little longer. Four nights ago, he broke up with me, saying we've been fighting too much, (which isn't exactly true) and that he wants space "just for now". Of course, i started sending him a ton of texts saying baby please take me back ive changed, and he just says i dont know. What do i do!?! i NEED some advice!!!
Hey can it work for a third time around me and my bf were together for 11 months we spilt up in the 3rd month but was back together within a week. now its been two weeks since the 2nd spilt can there be a third time around?
Thanks for such a good suggestions which were posted on the website. It does look like the reality of life.
But I would really like suggestion from you for mistake which I have done. May be I would have read this before I would have not commited the mistake.
In three ground rules I broke one. My girlfriend got married to another guy she despirately loves me but I did a mistake my meeting her immediately where she felt tourchered and emotionaly blackmailed and asked me to leave her forever. We both founghted on that day and it ended up in quarrel. Then after a week again I tried to call her on her new number which she didnt share with me and again we end up with lot of fighting on call. I messed up everything I need some good suggesstions from here so that I can get that feeling back in her heart. I would try my best to follow your suggestion because I found really good steps.
I loved this article. I really don't know if this will work for me because we dated a year and broke up. Immediately after the break up I was calling him and so upset. But I finally got over it and stopped calling him. Even though we never saw each other he called after a couple of months wanting to get back together. We've dated almost another year and just started fighting a lot so we broke up again. Will this work a second time if I leave him alone? Another huge problem is that he leaves an hour away so he can never see how happy I am without him. Also I bought a ticket to his play in 2 weeks. I don't know if I should go or not?
Hey Essy,
I have been "together" with a guy for the past couple of months now. He is a guy with a very short attention span, and I am a girl with a busy schedule. So, we didn't really have time to "chill". One night when I told him we couldn't hang out, he went over to another girl's house and had sexual relations with her. I am heartbroken and told him to leave me alone, thinking he would beg for me back. It worked the first day. But now he's not talking to me at all. I miss him terribly, I love him with everything I have. How do I win him back?
My boyfriend and I broke up three years ago. A long time, I know. He broke up with me when he realized I was treating him completely poorly. He was soooo in love with me and I took advantage of It. He broke up with me and immediately stopped talking to me. A year later, no talking. He moved away for school and we still didn't talk. He was so bitter to me and rude the odd time I did try and say hello. He met a girl and they dated for over a year. I also met aomeoen else and dated him for a year.
He has just recently broken up with his ex girlfriend and is living in town again. As I do every couple months, I can't keep him off my mind! I'm finding excises to txt him despite his lack on replies and I'm looking for ways to " run into him "
what do I do from here? It's been so long
Hi i wanted to ask for some advice. My boyfriend of two and a half years just broke up with me after we had been living together for nine months. Before he got together with me, he was married but ended his marriage and started dating me. He always told me i was everything to him and was even talking about marriage a lot. He is 30 and i am 20 and in the last month he decided that he doesnt know how he feels about me. He feels like something in our relationship is missing, its not as full as it should be and he feels like he needs space and needs to find direction in life and find out who he is again because he doesnt like his job, his debt or the person he has become. In the las couple of months i have been stressed with school and yelling at him a lot, over really stupid things. Things so stupid that even when i was saying them i was regretting them. I know i hurt him and pushed him away...but he claims if he was right with himself than my attitude wouldnt be an issue. I already begged him to not do this, we talked about it alot. He knows how broken up i am, especially since we lived together but i didnt move out until a couple of weeks after he initially brought it up. The stranger thing is that he cries a lot like i do, and the week before i left it was like we were back to the way we were. SO i asked him to reconsider, and he says he needs to do this and figure out what he is feeling and if he has only been this happy with me the last week because the pressure is lifted. Im so scared to make mistakes and lose him...but we work together and he wants to remain friends with me. Do you think there is hope?? How should i handle this?
me and my ex boyfriend were together for 4 years and we were really serious for 2 of them and we were in love and he told me i was the one he wanted to marry. Then one day he randomly ended it because we had been "fighting to much" (which we hadnt) and so i broke a rule and i was VERY clingy i would call/text/face book message him and he bought it for awhile and we still hooked up occasionally and he would tell me he loved me still but now everything has changed and hes done and doesnt want to talk to me and ive still been clingy...do i have any chance?! please help
I have a question. Me and my boyfriend have been together three years and this would be our third breakup. Would this tactic still work for me? We broke up this time over a stupid fight and I really love him and don't want it to end but Hess pretty prideful and stubborn so I'm worried. Do you have any extra addvice? Thanks
Hey Essy,
My ex and I were together for 5 years, he moved on and slept with another girl straight away. I made the mistake of staying in contact with him after he's slept with her and he has now developed feelings for her and are dating.
I can't get over this guy, he is a scorpio (apparently they don't forgive), he believed I cheated on him because I went out with male friends whilst we were dating. He was very jealous, possessive and wanted to cage me up, at the time I was young and didn't want to give up my friends, and now that I've lost him, I really want him back but he won't even consider, I made the mistake of begging him to forgive me and now he believe I cheated and won't believe otherwise. What should I do? He still wants to be friends with me, even though he's with her now. Is that a good sign? Should I stop contacting him and ignore all his calls, text and msgs?
Every time he calls, I can't help picking up, he would then be really sweet and make me feel like everything's ok before he rejects me and say we are just friends now...and we have no chance of getting back ever.
I feel so sad, I love this guy so much, we've got so many mutual friends on Facebook, seeing him close with her just break my heart every time. Please help me get him back!
Hi Essy,
My ex and I dated for a year and half. We are in long distance relationship. We meet once or twice every 4 months since we both are still in college. He knows me very well and he knows how to manipulate me. He obviously took me for granted since I'm the only one who would remember his birthday and any other special occasions of him. I have done so many things for him but it's not the same with him. I'm not a gold digger but I like it when my boyfriend remembers my birthday and send me some flowers at least like any other girls but he won't do that. Ever since we dated, I've got flowers from only once. About 5 days ago we had a fight. I also said the things that would hurt him. On that night, he said he'll turn off his phone, so that he won't need to deal with it anymore. I got so mad and deleted him from my Facebook. I think he got pissed and changed his relationship status to single the next day. I knew that because a friend of mine told me that she saw his relationship status is single. I asked her password and went online to see his Facebook profile. I should not have done that because it made me feel worse to see him commenting happily on that status.
Every time we had a fight, we always break up. I'm mostly the one who calls him and beg him to get back. He called me just twice but never begged me to get back. I acted normal and accepted it when he said sorry because I didn't want to put him on the spot. He's the cockiest boyfriend that I've ever had in my life. I have a feeling that he would never call me or text me anymore. I'm trying to learn from the past and try to let go of him but It's just not improving much. My question is, Shall I call him or text him first? How long should I wait for him to call? What should I say if I have to call him? I know I love him but I'm also scared to go back and being used again.
Ps. I'm an international student and I live here all by myself. I don't have any of my family members nor any relatives in the States. That's why I became so clingy. Please help me. I really need your help.
essy never writes back :'(
@annabel : may be she's been busy. I really hope she writes me back tho.
thanks for the reply Essy. I know it's hard for you to reply to every single one of us. :) Every time I feel like I wanna call my ex, I read this blog. It at least make me stay away from the phone. :)
Hi Essy,
ur advices r so cool.. and i need help here :(.. i got dumped and i am so heartbroken! i also broke the rules.. the thing is our relationship is a long distance one.. but it was great.. we had this amazing chemistry and we were both amazed at how great we were togther.. we shared everything... and last week i decided to surprise him and gave him a visit.. he was so happy to see me.. he told me if i didnt come he wouldve come to see me.. that day i was a bit cranky and sick and wasnt very intimate with him.. after 2 days.. he calls me and he dumps me.. for no reason.. i told his is it becuase i wasnt myself when we went out.. he told me not really its because he suddenly doesnt see "us" together anymore.. i lost it foolishly and started emailing him asking him what went wrong and begging him to come over to see me to talk about it.. he refused and answered me with one line.. "no its useless cuz its over".. i emailed him several times the past 2 days and i just got cold short responses.. its like he doesnt stand talking to me anymore... i dont understand why he suddenly changed.. i decided not to email him anymore.. but i already looked needy and desperate to him.. and i cant show him that i moved on if i ever did.. cuz we live in separate cities.. no common friends.. and cuz i dont have a facebook account where he can check my status on.. i want him back.. i decided not to email him again cuz he was so mean.. but can i fix the damage i've done? i really want us to be back.. my life is so empty without him.. plz help:(
Thank you,
so my bf and i broke up about 2 months ago
we said we would be friends but stopped talking
and now that some time has passed we started talking but he said he still feels the same about me but he just wants to be friends. Obviously I dont want that. I have to admit I gave into being friends and that lead to kissing and acting like a couple without the commitment. Now what do I do to get him to ask me out?
Hey Essy,
I e-mailed you not to long ago, but I decided to write on this thinking I might have more room to explain my situation.
My close Canadian guy friend Colin and I have known each other for over 4 years. When I was up in Calgary, he pretty much saved my life because I was in this really bad situation with my first ex boyfriend.
Our relationship is on the funky side, just because we've had some shaky ground in the past and he has weaved himself in and out of my life. Last year, we had a stupid argument over me sending him a letter to his parents along with a letter to him and he freaked out, abandoning me for over several good long months. This wasn't the first time he left my life. But the last time he came back he was extreamly appologetic and told me he never wanted to hurt me again, that he would do anything to make up his stupidity and foolishness twords me.
Our relationship has gotten somewhat closer, but I really have kept my mouth shut when it came to my feelings twords him. I let him make the moves and what not to make sure I don't scare him off again. Ever since he came down here to my home town to visit, we seemed to get really close until two nights ago.
See, the problem I see in him is that I know he has more feelings for me then he is admitting to. He sends me so many difforint sweet, warm and loving e-mails alot, so for him telling me he only "likes" me is not true. But I also know he is fearful of making any commitments because he is terrified of loosing his independence and freedom to do what ever he wants when ever he wants. *I call him a wild stalian.*
2 days ago he got on his offence when he read a message I sent him telling him I worred he didn't talk to me on Skype all the time he was signed on after sending me really loving e-mails that same day. He got flustered and told me to quite worring about him "all the time". I sent him a back a snippy e-mail and I think that just made things worse.
I dont know what to do. I act strong when I talk to him, show him a side of me that he never saw when I was up in Calgary. I don't show much weakness because I don't want to risk loosing him again. But I think he made himself slip out of my hands again.
Secretly I love him, love him to death actually. But I know full well I cant express those feelings to him with out pushing him away. And its driving me crazy and it hurts. I mean when he was here to visit I felt a happieness and warmth that I haven't felt in a long time. I was like the happiest girl in the world when I was wrapped up in his arms, or when we became intament. The cemestry is strong...its just his heart and his mind arn't matching up.
What should I do? I can't afford to loose him for the 4th ttime.
I liked your essay, it did help me. I literally just got done reading it. But I do have a question.. Dakota (my ex boyfriend) and I broke up last night after seven months. Of course I didn't read this right a way because 1) I didn't even know it was out here and 2) Dakota and I have broken up many times before.. so I didn't think I needed it. This time, It's a different story.
Two maybe Three months ago, Dakota started like another girl, Ashton. I felt she was prettier, nicer, just better than me and all kinds of ways. I grew insecure, and uncomfortable with him talking to girls.. at first, it worked; he did indeed stop talking to girls. But, after a month or so down the road he grew impatient, and decided it was time for him to be able to talk to girls again; I needed to trust. Obviously, relationship's build on trust.. so I understood where he was coming from. Still, I had trouble. Now I do trust him, I started trusting him three maybe four days ago.. unfortunately, that wasn't enough for him, or me. Dakota and I have been fighting every other day, you can probably imagine how big of a toll that takes on a relationship. Dakota, when we were first together, was nice, understand, emotional, loving, every single thing I've been looking for in life.. but ever since I lost trust in him.. all that sensitive non since faded away. Last night, he told me he needed a break; "He needed to find out who he was again, what he wanted in life" I understand where he's coming from... but I made a mistake. I did every single thing you told us girls not to do. I told him how I felt, how upset and emotionally dead I was. I told him all these things that was completely opposite of what you said. Like I said earlier, I just got done reading this.. I was wondering, does it still work? Now I'm planning on doing everything you say, but I would like to know if it'll still work considering I did everything I wasn't suppose to do. And I would also like to know, if you, yourself, think that Dakota and my relationship can be saved.. can be normal again? I appreciate all of this, it is helping!
Thank you so much for the FANTASTIC article. It's not only the most useful thing I'v read but it's also the most uplifting.
Advice Please?
Here is my situation,
basically he said that he just wanted to be single because he was going to be with his buddies next year. He is also getting very close to a girl he used to like. He honestly means the world to me and I'm nervous as to if it's too late for him to redevelop feelings because he has told a couple of our mutual friends that he is 100% over me now.
My ex boyfriend got along so well, we never fought until about the 7 month mark when his very jealous ex girlfriend started making rumours about us, neither of us believed them but it always caused tension between us. We always go over the fights. Another rumour came out that I cheated on him, it's not true at all, he believed it and ended up breaking up with me because of it. It's been three months, in the first few weeks i begged him to take me back. We've hungout once since we broke up, it went really well. We don't talk that much now, but I miss him like crazy. How do I get him back?
My ex boyfirend and i have been together for a year. we were so perfect, like we would fight than make up so fast. than around our 7 months we had sex. after that he seemed to get angry over everything just like me. and we just kept braking up and getting back together and than we both made mistakes and i love him and miss him so much. please help me on how to get him back. i miss him so so SO much...
Hey Essy ;))
I understand that u can't answear to all these coments...but unfortunately I don't have a computer and I use my mobile to go on the Internet...anyway besides that my story is a bit different I believe and I really DESPERATELY need atleast a little bit of help ;/ firstly I would like to say that o find this article very smart and usefull and thank you very much for writing it...but back to my story ;( I have always been very VERY sensitive and I had a few serious relationships that ended badly and left me hurt..but the last one was the worst ever...u see I'm only 16 and I lost my virginity to my ex who is also 16. We were absolutely GREAT together... We had so much fun and I felt like we were really meant to be ( he even met my parents) i felt like he was my prince charming!!!! ( I even wrote an essay in English class about him being my " real life prince charming"
lol) but after about 4 months of dating...he started acting strange...the thing is I clearly showed him that he was my one and only and that I would do anything for him..and I'm pretty sure that that made him think he has the power over me and led him to acting as if he doesn't care...( he didn't text or call and acted mean and selfish from time to time) I tried really hard to deal with this and tried ignoring the way he treated me as I didn't want to loose him. But my friends kept pushing me to dump him, and I finaly made the mistake of doing so. But the worst is yet to come ;( the same day I dumped him I texted and said I was sorry and I wanted him back... He didn't answear so I just kept on texting and calling non stop until he responded and told me he was very angry and it would be better if I left him alone for a bit...but I wouldn't stop..till one day I called and said that maybe if we wouldn't talk for a month we would miss each other and get back together...he agreed to this plan but I only waited 2 days and then called him AGAIN to let him know that I absolutely can't wait and I'm suffering without him....a week has gone by thar I've been calling, texting and doing whatever I can to get him back but every time he says he needs one month...I'm ready to use the technique u suggested for this 1 month but I'm worried that it's too late for this coz I already messed up all my chances with my desperate calls, emails and texts....;( please let me know I really just need 1 answear and I won't bother u again...I'm really suffering ;( PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
It has been a week that my boyfriend broke up with me. We been fighting for about 3 months because he barely wanted to spend time with me. When he broke up with me he said he loves me with all his heart but we dont understand each other and we have lack communication. Last night i sent him a text asking to have coffee with him and didnt respond to that, then this afternoon i called him in the office and asked to see him. he said it was not a good idea to see each other right now and again said that he loved me with all his heart. I am lost i dont know what to do please help...
This is a follow up to my post from 4 days ago....
8 days have gone by now & I never initiated one bit of communication with him (my ex who broke up with me). He sent me an email out of the blue tonight apologizing for his behavior. He says he's sorry he hurt me, he hopes we can be friends going forward, loves me, cares about me, etc etc. I realize this does not in any way mean he's trying to get back together... but it's a start. He's opened the door for some sort of SOMETHING in the future. Girls... I really do believe that if you want your man back, the only path to make it happen is to follow the groundrules in this article to a T! DO NOT contact him under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! Chances are, more than likely, he will come around & be the one contacting you if you try to keep your emotions under complete control. Find other thoughts to fill your day. Find joy in spending time with your girlfriends... the ones who add positivity to your life.
I really don't know what will happen with he & I... but at the least, I can say that this is THE FIRST time in my life that I've had such a healthy break up... because I didn't go all crazy... I remained calm, and did what I could do to take back some element of control. If I had texted him, called him, and cried for him back like some pathetic crazy chick, he'd be out of my life runnign screaming from me & gone forever... and like I said, at the very least, the door is back open a little bit. More to come as it unfolds. Just stay positive!
i really need help my boyfriend broke up with me because his parents forced him to he still loves me like crazy and i love him too but he really respects his parents and he doesn't want to break their trust he is not allowed to talk to me because his parents check his phone but he quietly calls me and messages me i really want him back and i don't know what to do need help!!
I guess this is more of a question about the system rather than advice. You said it boils down to biology and psychology, but what if the reason for the breakup is that I got accepting into school and have to move to another state. He loves me, but is not sure he wants to go. All the playing hard to get in the world I'm not sure is going to change anything. :(
My boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me a little over a week ago. He did something like this in October and after about a month he wanted me back. This time I don't know if it's different or not. He says he doesn't love me anymore and can't force his feelings. He says he wants to be friends and wants to hangout, but I feel like that would be giving in to him. I can't hangout with him as just friends, that's impossible for me to do. He can't have me there for him as a friend while he tries to get with other girls. I want him to realize what a big mistake he is making losing me. After all, it is summer and we cold hang out together so much. I have been miserable the entire week and more. I feel like he wants to see what other girls are out there and put me on hold for now, but it just hurts too much thinking him with another girl. Please help me. He means the world to me and I just want things to be back the way they were. He used to love me so much, and I want that love back. Please let me know if you can help, you have no idea how much that would mean to me?
Hey Essy
First of all im going to go by your three rules they seem to have cleared my head a lot this afternoon :-)
Im still really confused tho in what to do.....My BF broke up with me 3 days ago and we had been together for 2 months.
When we first me, it felt so right like no one I had met before we just instantly clicked and before I knew it we was in a relationship, he would come by mine in the week and stay over and I would swing by his and we would go out partying, basically we had a really good time together.
Then all of a sudden, he said he doesnt think we should be a couple anymore. He said he didnt see where this was going and that we didnt click!! Of course we clicked its why we got toghter in the first place!! When he broke up with me tho he was crying and telling me what a lovely person I am blah blah blah!! And im confused to be honest, it was like he didnt even want to do it!!
So plan is.....leave contacting him (even though he said you can text me if you like) for a few weeks yeah? and then I thought just text him and talk to him again like we are almost back to square one, like we are dating???? Cause afterall that is what he fell for in the beginning isnt it???
Any comments would be most welcome as my poor head is all over the place at the moment :-) Thank You XxX
Hey, I am so glad to find this article. I really need your advice here. I just brokeup last Sunday and yes pretty devastated and have done some of the mistakes you listed in this article. I promise myself I will stop and follow your advice. But I need something more than that...I asked my ex to go out of town with me for Memorial weekend [2 days later]. That trip was planned before breakup and I insisted him to accompany me still after breakup. I really want to use the time we together alone this weekend to win him back. Should I continue act like what you said in this article, be cool, be strong, etc or how? Should I take this vacation as "friendly type". He told me he will still hangout with me "as friend" but NOT BF/GF....I am worry I will screw up...please help me to "strategize" this weekend so I can win him back....
me and my boyfriend had a really good relation ship. of course there was fighting but we stayed together through it all. and it all felt so completely right. he is actaully the sweetest boy i have ever known and he cares about me so much. we were together for one year and he just broke up with me a few days ago. he said he was going to a lot, and he really was. he kept telling me he felt something different. and i told him i didnt want to be put through they pain, so i told him a few times to just break up with me. he told me every time that he didnt want to, that wasnt what he wanted. he wanted so badly to stay with me. but his feelings were raging all over this place becasue he has had such a hard week. he broke up with me and told me he still loved me, just not in that way. and thats very hard to beleive becasue i was his world and he told me after the berak up that he had true love for me. and i really believe it. he told me i am still his best frend and he so badly wants me to stay and have him as my best friend too. he tells me he loves me and cares about me. and thats all true too. but i dont want him as my friend i want him as my boyfriend becasue it was all so right. for both of us! i cant piece together why hes feelings changed so quickly. he told me a million times i did nothing wrong. everyone thinks that we will be together again becasue we have broken up before and we came right back together. but somtehing is a little different this time. i just feel like he is done with our relashionship. but i know that cant be true becasue we have everything in common. and he tells me so much ( still) that i really am the only one who gets him and he wouldnt ever want to lose me. he still wants to hang out alot and he still tels me he loves me and i see it is difficult for him this soon becasue he still does love me that way. i know that for a fact. and i know there is a chance we will get back together successfully becasue we really were GREAT. i just need to know how to act correctly in this time of being his best friend so that he will see how much he misses me in his arms. please tell me what i can do, we still talk regualrly but i already know i dont want to be the first one to text him. i did cry to him once but he is still here for me and he still hasnt gotten mad or walked away. he does love me, please tell me how to get my realshionship with this amazing boy back before he forgets that he does want me back as his girl.
ok...............I don't know if i am right or wrong but still i want him back.
Met him 18 months back.hw always told me he can't maar me.sttill i loved him, gave my 101% in this relationship.he always told me that i am very compromising and cooperative which made this relationship last so long..........he never liked my childshih acts which were just meant to get his attention and nothing else...........he tells me that we are not comptaible and he is not attached to me anymore or was ever...........
I always thought that love is not everything in a relationship....and even in my case with love i agve him my care, attention,affection, time and all my feelings that i had for him.
we just broke i month back......i tried my best to get him back by talking to him............for last one month i know he was just tolerating me and my stupidity.......i know i did wrong by imposing my love on him.i can't make someone love me if i love someone................
but one thing that i know is i can keep him happy..........he might gho for another relationship after sometime..but i will be there only where he left me....still wanting and waiting for him............
i know i am not wrong ..i love him sincerely............
his parents are also a one of his worries..he knows they won't agree but still i want him in my life......
i want to give him that unconditional love taht i ahve for him.............he tells me he wants his space and he does not like me getting so much dependent on him.............i know his view point might be right............
but what should i do????????
where should i go and do to help myself and my relationship????
i never argued with him????/
i never asked him why he was talking to the other girl?????
always gave him his space..........so why the hell i am thrown out of the relationship when i was sufferung and i was doing all the compromises?
please help me.i will never be able to love someone so much because i don't want the other person who comes in my life suffer because of my past love....so i don't wnat any relationship now with anyone....i just want my guy back without hurting his feeling and letting him know that someone still cares fo him......cries for him....he is always in someone's prayer.
please help??????????/
Thank you
Best Regards
My boyfirend broke up with me 3 days ago, he said that it felt different and that we were acting like friends. I still really like him and want him back. I told him we could be friends because i do care for him and dont want to loose him. He is going off this summer for 6 weeks to study singing. We went to lunch today and talked about the breakup and we werent awkward at all. He said he wasn't sure if he still had feelings for me I suggested to him that we see how we both feel when he gets back and see about getting back together. He said okay. Am I going about getting him back the right way? I'm in highschool and have three classes with him.
My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago, but it was my fault. I never gave him space, I was very jealous, and insecure because of my old relationship. So, he told me that if I matured and wasn't like this he would come back to me and try. But I kept texting him, calling him, messaging him, and now he said were totally over. We had a great connection and we both seen a future together, but only if I changed. I have slowly changed, I got a job, I hang out with my friends and he hangs out with his, but I still text him. I want him to realize that I can be independent and that I love him and want him back in my life. I read that article and i keep reading it and I'm going to try to be strong and hopefully we get back together. But if you have any more advice please let me know. Thank you :)
Look i know this website is for girls trying to win their boyfriends back. But i seriously need some help. I was going with the most attractive, the most funnyiest girl in my area. We had a minor row on Sunday night but made up again before sleep. But then yesterday we wer textn away and then suddenly she never texted back. I was trying to be thick then so I wouldn't text her until she texted me back. But in the mean time her friend who was along with her asked if i was coming into town to lift them later and i said maybe. But i had to go to the hospital then with a cousin so asked the friend did they want to come to. Anyway then my girlfriend staretd texting me back being dry and all and i was texting her back the way i normally do. Then she ended it because she said that 1st i was close to her brother and now to her friend and that she couldnt deal with it anymore but still wanted to be friends. Im 19 and she is the only girl that has ever made me feel like this. I cried last night and everything and i dont cry. She says now that she doesnt think she is ready for a relationship but only yesterday we were saying how happy we where together. What do i do.? I cant let her slip away.. It will break my heart seeing her with anybody else other than me. Please help me out essy please
Essy, some advice please, I met this man online, and he is 13 years my senior, he is 34 and i am 22. we went out mutilple times, we hung out like everyday, and he said he really liked me, and stuff. But then I noticed he still checks his dating profile and is on there daily. When i ask him, he says well we are only dating, not exclusive, but i guess i didnt understadn that , that it meant you could still date other people, Is he playing games? What should I do?
I really need your advice.
My boyfriend and I just broke up, I broke up with him because it made me mad how he talked to other girls like he did to me, I was just really jealous. I tried to fix things that night but he didn't want to get back together, he said he didn't want to cry again but he wouldn't tell my why else he couldn't get back together with me. We had been going out a little over 9 months, I was kind of whiney the night of the break up but I can stop that, how do I get him back? He said he still wants to be friends, and he called my bestie all on the day of the breakup, and now its the morning after all of this. please help me!
Well you look like you have a million people asking questions so I hope this one isn't too much to handle!
Well, I had been with my ex for almost three years. We spent every moment together (literatly 24/7). I think the first year three hours was the longest we were apart. We lived together from day one and after a while he felt like he couldn't breath. In addition to this I had a huge dependency problem. Anyway I realized all this way before we broke up. I saw a therapist, we changed the set up of the house so he had space and still nothing worked. I think it was just too late and I didn't become independent enough. He said he needed a break and then after three weeks of no contact he said it was over because he wasn't inlove with me anymore. During this break I even left the country and went to stay with my mum, I just needed to get away (I'm a student so I could!). Once we broke up I was difficult for a day or so, then I told him I wouldn't call and that I agreed with the break up. He called the next two days freaking out that I met someone. I told him that I didn't and he relaxed. I don't know if that was a mistake or not. I had one other phone call where I freaked out but apart from that I haven't contacted him in almost two weeks (no text terrorism either). He had told me that he thought that maybe in the future we could get back together. Im so scared that I'll lose him. I'm really trying to concentrate on myself now, running all the time and sunbathing (lost lots of weight and look great)! Ill be going back soon and we have planned to meet up when I get back (since I haven't seen him since one month before the break up (two months in total)). I just want to do everything right. I can't lose him he is my best friend and my soul mate. I tried so hard and still lost him, is there any hope. There has been no cheating, abuse or anything 'bad'. I don't know why he hasn't called. Any advise would be much appreciated! Thanks so much for all your time.
im just after reading the article, I'm hoping the advice will work, thanks for it :)
Well, not long ago, my boyfriend was told I kissed his best mate and I didn't! He wasnt sure on believing me when I tould him I didnt but I have tried to convince him since. But he then told me that he doesn't feel the same about me anymore. I'm really really upset, I don't know what to do.
ok so i have read your tips on how to get my ex back and the comments people have said but honestly i dont ever think i could get my ex back. i messed up big time. we broke up over trust issues and because he said we fought too much. but as soon as we broke up we didnt talk for about 2 weeks then i started calling him and texting him all the time telling him how sorry i am and that i miss him, but he never said anything back. then we got to the point were we wernt together but we were sleeping together. well then i found out that he had a girlfriend but she was a foriegn exchange student and was gonna be leaving in the middle of the summer. so i didnt really worry about it. so he was cheating on his girlfriend with me for about 2 weeks. well then one of his friends had told me that he cheated on me when we were together and we were together for a year and a half and we lived together for 8 months, so when i heard that i got really mad and told his girlfriend that he was cheating on her with me. so now he hates me and wont talk to me i havent talked to him in about a month. i texted him 2 weeks ago and said that i was sorry for everything when we were together and im sorry for everything now. never got a text back. but me and him have the same friends so we run into each other alot but never talk. idk what to do he is my first true love and we have been apart for 6 months now. he was my everything. i cry myself to sleep every night. what should i do?
Hi there,
I really need some advice, as I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around the whole situation. I am 23 years old and was dating this guy for 1 year, we were great together, had the most amazing times, he was always completely happy with me, etc. He is not very emotional at all and hardly ever expresses his feelings, and from the beginning he said he didn't give me a fair chance because he was scared, "we were both each others first real relationships". From day one, I treated him way better then he treated me, I was always going the most amazing things for him in terms of surprises, etc, but he was never as thoughtful and considerate to me. My friends told me on many occasions I should break up with him and he wasn't good enough for me, but it was still difficult. We did long distance for 3 months as I was out of the county, and everything was fine, but again he never put in the same amount of effort as I did. I got home 2 months ago.
About 2 weeks ago he broke up with me and said I was the most amazing girl he has ever met and he wish he could say one negative thing about me, but he just can't, as I treated him like gold, and found it very difficult to break up with me because we didn't actually have any problems, never fought, got along great, and always had fun. However, he said he can't hurt me anymore, b/c he doesn't think he can give me what I need and deserve so he must let me go because I'm to good for him, and he doesn't deserve someone like me, and although he loves and cares about me greatly, he's not in love with me and doesn't think he ever will be, so he can't hurt me any longer. It's especially hard, because he said he never stopped being happy with him, and when I see him he lights up, he loves spending time with me. I seen him a few days ago and we spent hours talking and he just wanted to hold me in his arms and say how amazing I was etc. He said I'm the only person he can really talk to about anything, and only person who can't make him smile all the time. When I left we hugged, he kissed me good bye, and told me during my entire stay he was so happy I was there… and I could easily see he truly was.
However, we talked that night and he said we have to stop communicating, b/c nothing has changed, he doesn't want to be with me anymore, and he wants to move on and wants me to move on and be happy like he is, and he cares to much for me to hurt me, and I deserve so much better. He also said it's too hard on him seeing me, because it makes him miss me and realize how amazing I was.
So I'm so confused how someone can be so happy with someone, and then feel they would be better off broken up, I'm not sure what to do. I don't hold any negative feelings for him, and most certainly don't bother him as I know he wants us to spend time apart for we can each move on, but I'm so confused about his actions. I hope you can offer some light on this issue, as it would be great getting an outside opinion. Not sure if I should just let him go for good like he said and move on, or hope that he will realize how much he truly did love me, (although he's never loved anyone before), and can't easily express his feelings, or just cut my losses and move on, as he never did treat me as good as I deserved, and he knows this, which also really bothers him.
Please help!!
Thanks you so much!!
He is a really big guy's guy and is scared of getting too attached and getting hurt, although he can't easily say this, he is. I think maybe he is to immature to know what he truly wants, as he is only 23, and surrounds him self with very immature people who just love to party and have a good time, although he is really smart as an engineer. I feel he doesn't truly no what he wants, as I know I made him exceptionally happy, and his friends even said he made a mistake breaking up with me, although my friends we're relieved.
Thanks again for the help.
me and my boyfriend broke up and i want him back, but hes starting to fall for some one else what should i do?
hello i was wondering on what to do with my problem.... my ex of a year and half broke up with me about a year ago but since then we still have contact everyday and we have sex every week but yet he says we wont be together in the future but i feel like he does love me because he calls me every day when we fight he stays mad at me but calls me back in couple days or couple hours and then things go back to normal but i just want to be his gf again and not hide our relationship from people =/
hello. my bf broke up with me a week and a half ago out of the blue and i cried loads infront of him which was really uncool but to make my self look less lame i didnt contact him and "happened" to bump into him at a gathering with friends a week later. i was really normal and friendly with him and he was talkative back aswell and he text me the same night saying it was good to see me and we were texting for a while today then i said i was busy, talk later. does this mean what im doing is working?
My ex, also my son's father left us and almost immediatly got married. we'll be seeing eachother soon and i really want him back will all this still work even though he married this female?
my boyfriend and i broke up about 2 months ago. i really want him back. i realize how much i miss him now that i don't have him. it was a mutual breakup we both knew things weren't going how we wanted.
our first step was to take a break. i didn't know what i was doing and three days into our break i was showing how upset i was and being needy and emotional. he never took me back and i know now that i made a mistake.
Im still not over him and i really don't know what to do. When ever i do see him its like i can't breathe. He puts me through so much and he doesn't know how much i still love him.
The only thing is, while i was trying to get over him i started hookingup with other guys. this really made him mad and now he resents me.
i dont know how to fix this or if i screwed up.
wow this helped alot, thankyou so much. my boyfriend just stopped talking to me, which is weird and random and very painful. i started to chase him at first, but now that i read this i know what too do. thanks again! :)
Morning Essy!
Well you have certainly created a fool proof plan! Well I can honestly say I really don't look on websites for "how to do" things that involve personal issues; however desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm eighteen so I'm a bit younger than your average "Donna" but I've been off and on best friends with Jack for two, almost three years. We were together officially for one year, and after that we didn't talk but later fixed everything. I'm just afraid that I might have been doing all the wrong things you've spoke about. I was just wondering is it too late to do something spontaneous and give space? I would really like your honest opinion, and it would help to be as blunt as possible so I get the picture.
By the way, we both spilled our guts about our feelings for each other recently, (knowing he has a girlfriend) and he made me promise to never ever leave his life again (like when we were off and on friends). To me his feelings right now are ambiguous: he said he "loves" me yet there is no real progress. Oh Essy I'm at a stand still.
Much appreciation,
Hi, I have unfortunatly already made the mistake of begging my ex, who broke up with me 6 days ago as he said he needs space an no longer wants to be in a relationship... We hadn't argued or grown apart so it came as a real shock. I desperatly love him an want him back. So, day one, as he told me by telephone I went to his place to talk sone sense into him, it didn't work so I cried in front of him, so hard it hurt, this still didn't work. Day two, I spoke to him early on just to let him know I had some money I owed him for my phone bill, then I went out with the girls, got very drunk an had a good time. Day three, I called him again (idiot I know) he brought my things back to me, I was looking nice and didn't cry this time. Day four, an I have again spoke to him a few times about stupid things like, seeing his family etc... Desperate attepts to make contact on my part.... He has changed, he seems heartless. And is sure that this is permanent... We have recently been on holiday and was planning another... We were together one year, one great year. I need him back!
wow, so many responses. i like your article. its freaking awesome. its so common sense, but when your upset about not being wif someone, you don't think of the obvious answer. being happy with your own life, becoming strong and beautiful without being with anyone is a huge turn on-for guys and for girls too.
id like to say to everyone who is having problems, just be yourself, don't be needy or whiny, but also be there for your man if they truly need it--let them know youl always be there for them if they need anything, incase something dreadful actually happens, but then look out for yourself, enjoy your own life. have your own life. if your suffering a loss of chemistry or whatever, after a bit of space etc, itll come back if its meant to be.
and for the poeple who like people who have cheated on them or if even if they havent, like guys who are assholes who dont appreciate them..... why bother?? bleurgh. find someone better!
im in a situation where me and my boyf broke up... the spark hhas kinda gone but the physical chemistry is still definitely there. were still friends tho, so i didnt see a reason to have any space.
ur article totally helped me! im gonna revitalise myself and my life
cheers xox
yo, essy. hope yur having a fab day. :-)
i can imagine u dont have time to give 1 on one advice. must take ages. u probably get soooo0000 many emails. do u know how far up this page is when u google 'how to get ex back" or whatever? its one of the first results, hence probably why so many ppl see this page.
but the advice u have already given i am sure has helped heaps of ppl, and will still do so
i have checked out some of yur links, and their pretty mint
best wishes, love melody (19 yr old from all the way over in NZ) :-)
to everyone else... break ups may seem the end of the world, but u can get thru it. just remember to look after yourself, and that you do NOT need a man to be truly happy....u need to learn to love yourself first. but lonlieness does suck. hang out with your girlfriends, concentrate on your work or study, get a new hobby if u dont have one already... and your life should fall back into place.
hi :)
iv just finished reading your article and i really hope it helps me out.
Some of the things im unsure of though...
I was my exes 1st serious girlfriend, he was 16 but very mature for his age and im 18. Iv been in a few serious relationships beforehand and i have well and truly fallen for him. Before he broke up with me he wudnt speak to me, look at me, touch me...nothing. Then i went round to his a couple days later do drop off his stuff, i took him into the living room as we were with friends and i just wanted to talk to him alone. I started crying...even though i shouldnt have and he said it wasnt me but he "wasnt ready for a relationship like this". By "this" i assume he means "serious".
The thing is with him, he can be so hard to read sometimes...he likes to keep himself to himself, he is good at hiding his feelings...he is pretty solid and its just killing me inside. He said he still wants to be friends and i asked him the other day if there was a chance we will get back together because i dont want to waste my time if there is absolutely no chance, he said he "needed time to think about things". So iv taken that as a pretty positive, but im not getting my hopes up!
Anyways...any feedback would be great :/ i would appreciate it.
I need some help. I'm 18 years old, and my boyfriend and I just broke up yesterday. Today would be our one year anniversary. We have been having a lot of problems over the last few months, where we argue about everything. I've tried a lot to make it stop, but he thinks there's no point. He tells me on a regular basis that he'll never leave me, but yesterday, we got in a stupid argument, and he said he was done. He thinks we argue far too much, and quite frankly, I do too. He thinks that we will be happier apart, but I disagree. When I asked him if this was forever, he replied "I told you it wasn't", but later he changed it to an "I don't know". I asked if there would be another girl, and all he said was "I'm so sorry". It's only been one day since this has happened, but I'm already seeing other girls crawling all over him, and last night, he told me he has plans to move with one of his female friends, within the next two weeks. If he moves, I will no longer have any contact with him. I need to fix this before that happens, but I don't know how to go about doing it. It's tearing me up inside. I don't want to beg, and I dont really want to talk to him, because we're just so distant now, and it makes me very upset and irrational. What am I supposed to do?
hey Essy,
my ex and i broke up a year ago and we remained friends. It was hard and there were some awkward moments, but I still have strong feelings for him. I made all the mistakes that you said NOT to do. oh how i wish i read your article before-hand -_-;
anyways, i've dated other guys, but none make me feel the way he makes me feel.
he's dating another girl right now, and I am a boyfriend stealer so I'm not going to do anything, but I know she' going away for school mid-summer. I really want to get back together with him, but if i don't make contact then he won't pursue.
We work together so that is when we talk and are able to see one another.
I asked after we broke up to get back together, but he didn't want to. i know I should move on and give up, but i cannot seem to do so, and i have really tried to give him up.
what can i do to (slowly) get back into his life and perhaps have a chance of going out again???
I need some damage control. My boyfriend (of five years) and I broke up about 2 months ago. Then we got back together for a few weeks and then broke up for a final time one month ago. Since this time, I have been extremely needy and clingy...although I knew I shouldn't. I wish I'd read this article months ago!!
Anyway, the last time we spoke was about a week ago, I begged for him back and he basically told me he doesn't care any more. I'm not sure if he was being honest, or if he was doing it to get me to back off. My question is, is there still hope? I'm holding on like crazy because I truly think there is hope for us if he comes around. I haven't contacted him whatsoever in the past week. What is my next move? Wait it out, or should I just try and move on?
Hi Essy.
I am in need of some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half and it is very confusing...let me explain.
He is going through a divorce and has three kids. The reasoning for the divorce is because the WIFE/MOTHER started abusing drugs and was cheating on him. After about three months of us being in a relationship he went back to his wife and was with her for not even a week when he came back to me. We stayed together from that point on for about another nine months at this point he and the children moved in with me I was taking care of the children full time while he was working. The wife/mothers boyfriend had been arrested and she decided she wanted him back he did go back but I honestly believe it was ONLY for those children I believe he would have held it against himself if there would have been a chance for their mother to be in their lives sober again...needless to say that didnt last. They were together four months when he found out she had bailed the boyfriend out of jail with the money she had been stealing from him. He did come back to be a few weeks after leaving her with tears in his eyes we talked for hours and I decided I was going to give it another shot. He is now dealing with the divorce and ready to turn this page in his life for us to have a fresh start but dont think its over yetttt...he just all of the sudden stopped talking to me and two days went bye with no communication when he finally called and said he thought we needed to bump the brakes and that he loved me and wanted to be a family buthe needed to get done with the whole divorce and everthing first...my thing is is that I have been here all along(maybe thats the problem)? I have always accepted him with open arms and I think he thinks I will always be here so he can do whatever he pleases. I cant keep doing this to myself. Can you give me advice on how to snap him out of this and just stop this whole on and off again deal...
ps he and I when we are together have an amazing relationship that what confused me most I guess.
Hi Essy,
I'm loving your advice and it's made me feel very proud of myself that nearly every point (excluding the expert advice) I had done myself out of instinct and I'm glad that it is the right thing I was doing...
Anyway enough of rambling I need a bit of help..
Me and my bf broke up once before for no more than a month and he came back to me.. and this is the second time it's been nearly 4 months now.. he had tried contacting me a few weeks after the break and I had told him it's too soon for us to talk or be friends.. I desperately wanted to be back with him but he seemed to make it so clear then that it wasn't on the cards and we shouldn't speak...
Me being the proud soul I am told him that after a few weeks why should I speak to him when he made it so devastatingly clear that he didn't want to talk to me back then.
So we didn't talk untilll..... About a month and a half ago. He made the first contact, just silly stuff like "hi how are you, hope your ok" i replied in a vague manner.. practically the same..
And since he has been texting me everyday.. I mean I have been replying so it's not all him.. but what does this mean?
I'm still entirely in love with him and do want him back, but i'm not about to ask again as I'm scared that after him coming back once he would be too proud (being male) to do it for the second time?
What should I do.. I'm stuck!!
Thanks Kay xxxx
(Oh and also, we're going to the same university this year and I can't bear to think of him with anyone else... let alone see it!.. thought that would be important info!).
I have read this article so many times since my bf of 3 years broke up with me a little over a month ago. It has taken a toll on me. I did all the wrong things at first, texted him, called, emailed, and imed him. Now its been 5 days since I have made any contact with him. In the meantime, I dont know where to go from here. The story is pretty long, I was wondering if I could get some advice, maybe through email?
You helped save my relationship. Thank you.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me over the phone. He was my best friend and he would talk about his future with me and how much he loved me and that he "never felt this way about anyone". The last 10 months of the relationship we had to do it long distance because we both graduated college. I thought things were fine. We visited eachtother once a month and we talked about being patient for the next step to move near eachother because he still needed to find a job. 6 days after I visited him and we spent our 3 year anniversary in nyc he called me to tell me he wanted a break. he felt tied down. he didn't think it was going to work. he didn't feel the same way anymore. and he also said I was too jealous and couldn't change (i didn't understand this at all because maybe in the last 6 months we talked 2 times about jealousy and it was never a yelling fight???) I was in shock because of the way he treated me when i visited ...cute things he did like slow dancing with me on the subway while we were waiting and stopping me in the middle of a bridge so he could get a picture of me...to break up with me 6 days later? just things that are little but you wouldn't do if you didn't love someone or planned on breaking up with them? I was devestated. I showed it. It's been 3 weeks and I've left him 2 voicemails, about 6 texts and 2 letters. I haven't contacted him in 5 days because of this advice and other advice like this. Because we are a long distance relationship (6.5 hours) will this still work? I feel like it's easier for him to just forget about me being so far away. Did I already ruin it with all my contact after the break up? And I've been posting love quotes and lyrics on my fb status and twitter account. Should I stop? Please help and thank you. I care about him more than anything and I wish he could see that and find that love he once had for me again.
Hey Essy,
so i have read through your article and let me just say i think it is amazing advice its sort of common sence but no one ever realizes its what they have to do until they hear it from a 3rd party. but i do have a very unique situation and im nto sure if you can help me with it..ok here it goes
so i have been married for the past year and i have a beautiful daughter with my husband. we have been seperated on and off the whole year but the longest breakup is the current one which has been for 2 months. he basically gave me the whole its not you its me speech via txt. he says he doesnt know whether or not he loves me anymore but i kinda sence that he does. we obviously talk on occasion becuase of our daughter but nothing outside of that. Do you think any of your advice can apply to my situation or would u say i should just move on???
Hi so I'm 18 weeks pregnant and split with the baby's partner a few days ago or should i say he split with me. One day you couldn't see a happier couple and the next he starts an arguement and ignores me completely for 4 days before telling me he wants to be on his own he doesnt want us anymore i dont understand how he's gone from wanting to be with me all the time to this. I'm of course heartbroken facing raising our chuld alone i already have a 5yr old from a previous relationship where the father disappeared. So far he's text me at least twice a day sometimes just to moan and once regarding the baby. Ive not text him back so far suprising with how emotional i am at the moment but i cant ignore his texts for long as i have a scan in 2 weeks. I just want him back so we can work through this but i dont know how to go about it. Would these steps work for me?
I was going out with this boy called sam for 7 or 8 months and I broke up with him because I was really depressed and took it all out on him and I really wish I hadn't of done after I felt so much pain after I had done it. I mean he was my everything we loved each other to bits we was always around each others everyday, But a couple of weeks later I went out with another boy called Jake It really didn't feel right because I missed Sam to much and soon as I dumped Jake but he wasn't upset about it. Its now been like 2 months and 4 weeks and I'm still not over Sam and I don't really know what to do with my self it felt right but I dunno what got over me that night I've done everything wrong I read your information and it really upset me because I was like its over I've done everything wrong I've told him that I missed him and my feelings and basically all I got back well I don't love you any more and we had a argument a couple of days ago. I'm starting to think shall I get over him or shall I just wait for him even though it might take long ??
well hey this is me again.....i really need help..i love this guy so very much
i was with him for a year mand it was the most beautiful year of my life.....we spend all last summer together and he turn to be not just my bf but my best friend too. we had so much in commun and just love each other very much.....but like every other relationship.. we did had our arguments about him flirting and hanging out with girls without me knowing... is not that i didnt trust him it was just hard because when we were 2 months together he sleept with someother girl and it really hurt me...but he called me crying telling me he was sorry so i gived him a second chance....
well now after a year we were having problems because he would get in trouble with his parents and he would get so mad at everyone including me....on my birthday he went to jail....he txt me at 4:30am telling me he needed me more than ever. so i went to see him at his house first thing in morning.....he cried...told me how much he loved me and that he was sorry for me having a 18 birthday like this...that same night i got in a fight with my parents and i went to my ex house walking and when i got there he was in this white car with some girl...next day he told me she was just a friend and that he didnt care about her cuz i was all for him he promised he would stop talking to her. two days later she was inhis house again...and i went and tell him why and he said that he needed her as his friend.....
next day i went to his house and he told me to go away cuz he didnt want me there and his parents either...and that he didnt want to see me by then....the reason was that he got some calls and he tought it was me.....obiusly it got me really sad......so i told him i was done with hhim teating me so bad like if i was nothing when he knew how much i love him...he was my first... i mean so imagine how much i love this guy to give him my body
i was always there for him when he needed me....i was his only friend when he didnt have anyone.....so now its been a month since we broke up...and now he is with her,,,,:( it kills me....i dont talk to him.... we dont have no contact,,,,, s o idk if theres anychance to get him back.....well he is alredy haveing problems with her and hes been asking my friends about me lately......but still wut iff i just cant anymore...........PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!!
Hayy Essy(: wow i think ima do wat you (very long) article said!! I kno you wont answer this and im just waisting my time but i have time ta wwaste. My ex boyfriend went out with me for two days then broke up with me for his ex girlfriend. Then he broke up with her again and went back out with me....then he broke up aith me...again....his friend texted me one day and told me that he said its over forreal. (But i know its not over "forreal" cuz thats what he said the first time we broke up) and i asked him why and wat i did and he said everything. to tell the truth i didnt do anything at all. He was my first kiss too so he was really special to me:(: i never cheated on him, i never lied to him wether we were together or not, i never looked at another guy like ooo hes hot! i always told myself..no way i have my man!!;) i wish i read this 3 days ago when he broke up with me cuz i tried calling him... :// he just got his minutes on his cell bak so were texting now not as much tho and hes acting like nothing ever even happened. he tokld me bye and i was super sad but then he apparently couldnt resist but ta txt me again cuz he started txting me...again. but im afraid that if he brwaks up with his girlfriend, and im there waiting for him that ill be with him and hell just use me again. But i love him so much i just cant let him go!! :( i dunno wat ta do D:
I love your story about Donna and David, mainly because it is exactly what I am going through right now. My boyfriend and I were together for just over 3 years and he broke up with me because he didnt know how he felt about me and the relationship anymore. I want to improve myself and maybe even take dance lessons like Donna, but my question is......you said you made sure David heard about the lessons. how did you make sure he heard about it? after cutting off all contact with the ex, how can i make sure he hears about something like that??
Hey I was wondering If I could get some advice, I could use it despratly.
So I sort of was with this guy for like a year but we remained friends because he kept going back to school and he never really called official but when he was away at school he would always call me and talk like for three hours a night or day. We met at my work but nobody at work knows that we were even together because we kept it low key and thought people would make fun of us because not only he is 23 but im 19. We just click together a lot and we just connect like no other. We were both adopted and that just was a sign.
But I just found out he was dating this girl who I was not a fan of after he quite working where I work. Like we both left things unsaid when we " stoped hanging out" whatever you call it. But when ever he was at work he always gave me this look like he still had feelings he even told me at one point he still had those feelings. Shortly after he got a second job he distanced himself from me and stoped talking to me and I have tried to communicate and stay close by. But made a terrible mistake by making out one night with his friend "E" and thought that it would piss him off and make him jelous because I found out that he bought coke from E and ever since then I wasnt happy so i rubbed into Ex that I was not cool with him lying to me because he told me he thought drugs were over rate and he didnt do them. Now because of the girl he was dating I hear from an employee that I currently work with that the Ex drives around sometimes says hes not going Airizona for chef school that he has always dreamed about going to. This makes me upset but the point is he broke up with this girl or the girl broke up with him im not really sure. But ive been trying to
talk to him to get him back cus Im still in love with him but hes not talking to me bc im pretty sure hes still mad about the "E" thing and I dont know what to do. I want him back as a boyfriend and a friend
Hey Essy,
Remember me? Well, just wanted to give you an update. He and I broke up again in January, we just weren't ready to get back together again. It didn't feel right. Now we are seeing each other again, and I don't worry anymore. I don't call him constantly and I go out with my friends and that seems to get his attention. He calls me now, and he plans out dates for us. He texts me everyday and we even planned a trip to the Dominican Republic in August. Finally I'm truly happy and I know things are heading in the right direction. Even though we are not "officially" back together yet, we agreed we are working on our relationship and working to make things better before we jump into the relationship again. I'm just sooo happy now! Once again, thanks! And if other girls read this, all I can say is be patient, veeerrrrry verrry patient! Things will get better, I promise!!! I know what you are going through! (scroll up and look!) lol
Hey Essy,
so here's my situation. We broke up last week becasue he has met another girl like 2 weeks ago.. he thinks that im too serious with life and not as fun as the other girl. it sucks becasue ive been away from him for 2 months and im still going to be away for another month. he is still hesitating about if he wants me back. we had a big fight after the breakup then a few days ago he messaged me and said he had made a stupid mistake and the most part of him just wanted to run back to me but at the same time he still wanted to get to know the other girl better. i felt somewhat satisfied because i thought he regreted leaving me but after that ive become the one that message him a lot and what makes me nervous is the other girl going over to his place sometimes and having fun with him. my boyfriend just keeps saying he's not sure. but im pretty sure he needs me. what should i do now? i know i cant message him anymore, im going back up in like a month so ill see him eventually. oh he also said he wanted me and scared to lose me. but why he is still hesitating? Please give me some advice! im pretty much heart broken now.. :(
Before reading anything about having a chance of getting your ex back, I freaked when he broke up with me and txted him a few times. Never anything obsessive, mostly just questions to ask what went wrong for I was at loss and got a limited explanation, that from my perspective was wrong.
He never listened to me and my side of the situation either.
Before I had txted him some things, he said that we would never be in a relationship again.
Is this something to take notice of?
He said that he isn't ready for a relationship, is that an opportunity to think that even though he said we would never be together again, to perhaps try and become friends again and then attempt the things you have written on this site?
I had asked him to be friends already, so I suppose limiting contact has failed at this stage, and if he does want to be friends, would it be best to not act very 'friend' like? Keep my distance?
He is a guy that I never thought of losing, and no matter what my friends say, I don't want to lose him completely.
I'd really appreciate some advice on my situation.
I'm really just afraid that he truelly doesn't care, and I have pushed him away even more.
This advice does help. I'm in the same situation, except I broke up with him, wanted him back and now he needs time because he was really upset that I even broke up with him. All I need to do is give him time I guess and follow these rules
Ok I loved reading your advice but I need more!!! Heres my story me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago. Over silly things, we lived together and just started fighting alot. Since then we both have admitted and figured out what went wrong and we both have agreed if we dated again that it would work...At first I was begging him to come back but since then I have stopped and now he is the one texting and calling me. I love him and I want to be with him we hung out the other day and he was really touchy feely and said that we should be friends for awhile and see where things go.. I said NO! he said we should hang out one day a week for 3 months..i feel like hes stringin me along. I told him I love him as a boyfriend and that I cant go backwards and that if Im in his life its going to be as his girlfriend and if thats not going to happen I will have no contact with him...he just said fine then.. I guess this isnt going to work but he also said he could see my point of view. was that the wrong thing to say...it hasnt been a day yet but I havent heard from him...but he usually cant go 24 hours without texting or calling..I just dont know what to do..should I lay low and not contact him????
My boyfren broke up with with me 2 weeks ago,
he told me that he wasn't ready and said that it was better to be frens. But i still lov him alot.
What must i do to get him back?
Hi, how do I get my confidence up? Me and my ex are extremly jeolous people and my worst fear is that he will move on to someone else. We only get to see each other about once a week so im thinking he broke up with me so he could actually be with a girl. We have been together for two years and this is extremly hard and its killing me. please help.
i lost my ex about a yesr ago. We were best friends before we got together. we told each other everything. But he thought i started liking his friend so we broke up, but after that when we became friends again we started liking each other and we ruined it. Now he changed alot. He hangs out with other people. they are changing him. I hate them all and i don't want him to hang out with them but with me. I don't know what to say or do. I am just afraid if he will get angry and walk away. by the way his temper has increased . please tell me what to say/do!
hey, i read your article and it's really changed the way i'm looking at this break up.
me and my boyfriend were only together for 9 months but it was a very intense love and we had an amazing time, he recently broke up with me becuase he's too insecure to deal with the fact most of my friends are boys, he fears it will get worse wen i start uni next year and he said he needs his space. of course i am heartbroken and was wondering if you had any specific advice for my situation?
You my friend, are a lifesaver.
My boyfriend and I broke up after dating for 6 months and after a long, hard week of moping around I went to the internet for advice. That's when I came across your article. I did everything exactly as you said. I took up hip hop lessons, started to get more involved with things around my community, and even got a job ! Just like you said, I began recieving more and more messages from him. I made him work for a few weeks and then we were right back together. He told me he feels closer this time and that I have a whole new personality. I really did change so much. I've began taking control of my life. We've been back together now for 2 months and everything's going better than ever.
Hello Essy,
I could have used your article a few days ago! My boyfriend and I broke up on Tuesday on the way to work in what should have been a simple discussion that turned into a fight. This was the worst of our fights and I decided to give him his space and not contact him for a few days. However, I have broken your cardinal rules of contact and have reached out to him in an apologetic manner in hopes of creating a response. This morning we finalized the exchange of stuff and he still has yet to give me any reason for the break up. All he could mutter was that he did not trust me anymore (no was no cheating involved in the fight). I cannot think of what I've done to lose his trust. I know he loves me and has been stressed out and preoccupied with studying for a graduate school test and seems to not be able to balance a relationship right now. Do you think I still have a chance of reconciliation if I just give him his space and do not contact him?
Hey essy, quick question, how do you feel about gay relationships, me and my partner were together five years and im really hurt, just asking before i explane more, im 24 hes 33.
Hi essy,
My bf and i broke up the day before his bday. :(
..he told me that he love me but he still has feelings with this girl whom he have courted before..:(
we have been in our relationship for four years...i'm his first gf and he was my first bf...he told me that he needed space to think things through...
so that he can realize what he have in his life...
it hurts like hell...i can't help but think that he just used me...
...earlier, i texted him (my instincts gave me courage to do that) and told him the pain that i have been going through right now. I even asked him how he can sleep well at night, wherein fact i can't sleep at all because of the pain
...reading your article made me think how stupid I was...can i still do the things that you had written on your article?
..please do reply...i really need this....
..i wish i had read your article before i had sent my message... :(
Hello your article was great! my situation is that i broke up with my boyfriend because he was two busy all the time we hadn't talked or seen each other in over two weeks which was especially weird because he was crazy about me and always needed to be in contact and i didn't mind the constant texting because i liked him. anyways i texed him one day saying that i was confused by how he had been acting the past two weeks and he said that he was confused too and felt like he was to busy to talk or hang out and that it wasn't fair to me through the whole conversation i felt like he wanted me to break up he would say things like the decision is yours and its all up to you on what you want and i will be busy the rest of the summer. i got sick of his attitude and broke it off right after i hung up the phone i received a text saying 'we are still friends' and i just said that idk if that would work out. later that night i was sitting on facebook and he messaged me saying i really do still want to be friends i never responded and then he liked my status that was about the fourth of july. i still really want to be with him because before those two weird weeks he was soooo sweet to me and he would say things that made me feel amazing about myself. do you think after all that i can get him back? and do you think he was trying to get me to break up with him?
Okay, so I need some help! My ex boyfriend broke up with me two days ago on our 7 month anniversary. This was both our first real relationship so it is completely breaking my heart. His reasoning was that he didnt know if he was made out for relationships and that he needed some time to think about it. You were completely right tho. All I've wanted to do is call or text him. :( It makes me so upset when I dont hear from him. I will try your rules and what not...but is there anything else I can do? We are both going to different colleges in the fall...so I'm worried if i dont get him back now...i never will... Please help!!!
wouldd this work on a gay relationship..??
What does it mean when your boyfriend breaks up with you and he says its becuase he doesnt want an long distance relationship when we only live 15 mintues away?
not quite sure what to do in my situation. in some ways i feel like i was a puppet being strung along in a little game of his. but then i think about the passion in his eyes, the poems, notes on the car etc, and how in such a short period of time it felt as if we were both falling for each other. but the kicker in my situation is that i'm going through a divorce, and he knew this when we first started seeing each other. i'm 25 and hes a little younger, so i dunno if its that he just isn't ready for a serious relationship, or if hes scared of falling in love because of the pain hes felt in the past. we were seeing each other for a couple months and all of a sudden he says he needs time, i backed off and gave him his space, and then he said he just cant do it right now. he has alot going on in his life and his friends are makin him feel like crap for dating a married woman, even though i'm going through a divorce. now i'm pretty sure he is seeing someone else. and he is known for jumping from relationship to relationship fairly quickly. i'm just so confused and don't know what to do or what all of this means.
Me and my boyfriend broke up 3 weeks ago, and i dont know if i ruined it because i did call and text lots the first few days, but then i just gave up, but we have absolutely no contact now, but i know hes the one for me, and i know he felt the same about me, the break up was so sudden and silly really, i miss him so much, i hope i can still get him back??
hi Essy! :) this is me again haha...well i kind of have good news if i can call them that....well today my sister and my mother were grocery shopping and they told me that they saw my ex`s mom and since my mother just had a baby girl well she took the chance to show her to my ex`s mom...well my sister talked to her and she told me that she ask her how i was doing...and my sister said that i was doing fine,,,then my ex`s mom told my sis that she misses me and that she doesnt like the girl,,,,:). that kind of gives me hopes that he misses me too...i see him every weekend at the dances...and i try to look my best and just dont think about him and have fun..i dance with a lot of mu guy friends and often i catch him staring at me....looking sad and jeaulous....i also see him at church and even my mom tells me that he doesnt take his eyes off me the entired ceremony...and even when his with his new girlfriend he does that....u think they still chances???........I HAVENT EVER THANK U FOR ALL THIS....IT REALLY HELPS A LOT...ESSY GOD BLESS U..:) THANKS SO MUCH
my BF broke up wit me 2days ago and all i can think about is imaging him wit another girl. i had a gut feeling that something was goin to happen that day and i ignore it. on the day that he broke up wit me we argue goin to the movie and he turned back and said to me he wasn't goin i went back to his house and we argued more he came upstairs to his bed and i told him to sleep in his cousin room he went in there and i realize i miss him i text him and went into his cousin room we argue a bit then he come to bed and we didn't speak that night the next morning he said to me i shouldn't come c him anymore and he deleted me AS his friend on facebook. i spent an hour pleain and cryin there until i left wen i got home i kept calling and texting him asking him to speak to me he didn't replied. he replied back sunday night to say that it was over for good and he told his family about it and there is no goin back. i cried every night goin to bed until my mom said to me if i continue to stress about him am gona look desperate but wat am i suppose to do i am desperate. he said he doesn't want to b in this relationship because of my behaviour and attitude towards him wat should i do we've been together for three and a hlf years.
Hi Essy! Your page is awesome! i already knew most of your "rules" to begin with and im pretty good about following them. I've been going out with my 19 year old boyfriend for just over a year. He cheated on me early in the relationship while he was on senior week. I had never been cheated on before, but i forgave him because i thought he was something special. However BIG trust issues arose from this. We both lack trust in each other. And we are both very jealous...especially me. We have broken up 2 times over trust issues but they only lasted for a short time. Recently though, we have been arguing alot. he picks fights and blows up every little thing. he also puts me down alot and things from the past always come up. we have not broken up yet but he told me if i dont stop accusing him of stuff he's done because he cant keep going on like this..and i cant either. i want to know what i should do to save our relationship..i know what to do if we DO break up..but i need to know how to keep that from happening!!!
Hi, my ex just broke up with me because he is confused and thinks he mite not love me "like that". a couple weeks ago he took some distance to reflect on things i guess. i didnt know what he was doing and alot of other bad things were happening so i cut myself. he came back to me for a day, told me how lucky he was to have me and how much he loved me and was so sweet. then next day he was gone again. he repeated this 3 time all together. the last time he did it we ended up breaking up. the day he broke up with me i had his friend take all his stuff back to his house, text his familys cell saying i was drunk and having a panic attack and destroyed the bear he gave me. then the next day i sent him a letter telling him how much i love him and accept all his mistakes and miss him.
then i just left him alone..but i think i came off really crazy!! i want him back so bad, and im not really that crazy i just overeacted..is there a way i can change that image of me?
hey i read ur article its really goood
buh i was seeking a piece of advice from u, wht do i do if my boyfriend left me for another girl
Hey I was going out with a guy for a while..
And well now we are seperated.
I broke all of the rules (hadn't read the article yet). I begged ALOT.
Is there still a chance of us being together?
Should I just like wait a week to text him again? Or move on...
I really don't want to =(
i brought both Get Him Back Forever & The Magic of Making Up. Read both of them multiple times..
the question is, the common thing in both said it might not be a bad thing for my ex-boyfriend to be dating a new girl...
but in my situation, his new girlfriend is the one he cheated on me with and she is someone who's been in his life longer than i have been. they've known each other at least 5years.
my ex and i only dated 7 months and we were in a long distance relationship (but we do see each other at least a week every month or so)
i feel i cannot compete to win him back since they probably have a stronger bond
i was prepared to move to his country too.
So me and my boyfriend broke up last night...
We work together and I'm pretty nervous... He told me last night that he wanted to see me before he left, and I was pretty excited for that cause he never ever made plans with me. Then I got home and tried to make plans with him, and he kept giving excuses, and I knew something was up. So I told him I was sad cause we never hang out anymore. So he was like "that's what I wanted to talk to you about on saturday" so I started freaking out. Then eventually he told me he says we don't hang out enough, so he sees us as just friends.
I'm really hurt and destroyed. We're still going to talk on Saturday and I'm hoping for the best. But I don't know...
Another thing about the situation is I always tried to make plans.. And he always had plans... And we were completely fine the day before.. He wasn't acting weird..
But I did notice that his good friend broke up with his girlfriend too, and when he said it, he didn't seem too happy about the decision, like he didn't want to.
But I guess I'll find out on Saturday.
Should I stay friends with him if he asks me to? Or should I apply the "no contact" rule (absence make the heart grow fonder)?
Essy, I (had) a fiance. We are both in our 20's. I'm 24, he is 23. We have been together for about 2 years. He proposed to me last December, and we recently moved into an apartment together (with both of our names on the lease). We have been planning our wedding for next summer, and have deposits down. I even bought a dress!
I have recently started to have some health issues, and some psychological issues. I have a history of depression. I had a breakdown a few months ago, and he stood by my side through it. He even went to therapy with me once. Things have been getting better, and I've been on medication for it. We still fight once in a while, but nothing serious, just silly stuff. A few weeks ago he told me that he just wants to be friends, and the wedding is off. He said he "wanted space" and wanted to just be himself. The wedding isn't for a year, so I don't see how this could be cold feet already.
But he was still living with me!
He stayed at his mom's for a week, and he spent the night here last night. I feel like he is playing with my emotions and he doesn't even realize it.
I did everything wrong already, despite the fact that I am a psychology major. I don't know what to do now.
I can't afford this apartment myself; not to mention I am still deeply in love with him. He absolutely REFUSED couples therapy. I know we both had fears of turning out like our parents (both of are parents are divorced and remarried), but I didn't see that happening to us. We always seem to work things out.
I don't know what to do at this point. Please help.
hey. i read your article and it didnt exactly fit my situation. i broke up with my boyfriend because i hadnt seen him in about a month because he was buisy. we had been going out for alittle more than 5 months. i did the wrong thing and texted him alot trying to be friends again the way we were befor we dated but he didnt want to talk to me. our mutual friend told me that my ex was so upset that he may never have feelings for me again. it has been exactly five months since the break up and i still feel emty and upset about it. we used to be really great friends before we went out and even during we were very close. but since i broke up with him he doesnt spend time with our group of friends anymore and barly talks to them, so its difficult to ask if he wants to go to dinner or movies with the crew the way it used to be. i want to get him back so badly. everything i see reminds me of him and i dont know if its possible to fix the mistake i made. do you have any suggestions of how i could get him back, if it is possible?
Hi Essy,
Wow, I've been reading most of these comments...no wonder you were so busy! I wish that you could have time to respond to every single girl's problem and help her with detail still, I can see that you were a huge help to many girls! I also am currently experiencing an extremely painful break up. I wish you could help me one-on-one but I understand that you do not do that anymore, I'm about a year too late :( Is there any way that I can email you possibly? I really need someone to help me.
I think what you've done for all these girls is amazing. I really wish that I could have the chance to receive the same amazing advice. I don't think there is any other site that does this, and it has really helped many women. I truly admire you for that.
Thank you
Hi Essy,
I only wished I had read your article before I tried to fix things on my own. My ex boyfriend and I dated for almost 6 years. We had our ups and downs but were always in love with each other. Its been a few months since we broke-up and I'm having a very hard time with it. I knew we had some issues that needed to be fixed but he never wanted to try hard enough so that the issue wasn't an issue anymore. We spoke by e-mail and text messaging during the past few months and even have spent some time together. The time we have spent together has been so great that he gets scared I believe and pulls away again.He is very unsure what he wants in life and its hard for me because we had talked about getting married and about our future together. Every time that we had talked after we broke up he always told me how much he loved me and how much he cared but he just didn't know what to do. Finally, I told him that if he doesn't know what he wants then I'm not wasting anymore time because after 2 months apart and still e-mailing him and text messaging never really gave him that space. Now that he has space he's doing everything he likes and i'm happy for him but its just so hard to watch. I have not spoken to him in a few weeks and he hasn't tried to call or text. Its so hard not to write him and tell him how I feel. But I've been staying strong. Do you think the relationship has any hope? Do you think he will realize before its too late? I just don't know what to do...Any advice will help! what is the T.W. letter someone said in another comment? Thank you!
this actually worked i didnt talk to him and i started playing tennis and hanging out with my friends and 5 days after we broke up he told me he wanted me back! Thanks so much
Hey,Essy! i am so impressed with all the knowledge u have bout the relationships, and u r so young! really good psychologist!!
I wanted to ask u an advice as well. I am separated and have daughter,to start off. Me and my husband had an ongoing problems, so I left to America to study(he is from Europe) for a semester, so we could figure things out! in US I met this great guy that I didnt fall in love with at the first glance or anything< but really liked him.He was super nice and very very caring.At the same time my husband figured out that I am thinking to completely leave him and have a new bf(thanx FB). So, he kept beggin me to come back to him, that we have a daughter, he sworn in love and that it will be different and so on.. I decided to give him another chance and went back to him, leaving this new guy all broken-hearted. When I left I missed him, at first not too much cuz I was busy trying to reunite my family. Family didnt get reunited, and we had exactly the same problems as before( My husband, he still is my husband is a good person, maybe even a great guy, but i never loved him, maybe only as my baby's daddy and a best friend, he doesnt even attract me as man) . So we never worked it out, cuz i started missing the american guy more and more!So, I decided to leave my husband and come back to US, now with my daughter(previously she was visiting my parents for a semester).As an exchange student plus with a toddler in my arms I ve been kinda strugglin and needy(my ex doesnt help me out at all, not even financially). So, when I came back I was really ready to fall in the arms of an american guy cuz i really felt that I wanted to be with him. But, I guess he is scared that I might leave again and hurt him more, so he has been kind of distant. PLUS, pbbly my having so many problems and being single mom also scares him or something. so he is really acting so much different, just like its another person!!I am very upset, and I really want him back because I remember how happy we were and how much he loved me and I throw it all away for the guy(my husband)that let me down so many times and will never change.
So, now he is cold, doesnt often text me, always busy, once we meet he is kinda okay, we still tried to have fun, but i feel he is different. I really really miss him and I think Im deeply in love, but he just very brief and calm. makes me super sick!
I know many of u might judge me, But when I had my baby I was a teenager , never realizing the outcomes,i made my mistakes,and I am very happy with my girls, she is my angel!! And I still wanna find my true love, and my ex is definitely not the right person for me( i feel sorry for him though)so my question is what can I do to get the american guy back!! I need him so much!! But also i dont wanna be annoying or stalking him (which i did kinda).. and another detail, once I got back we had sex and it was super bad cuz i was really not prepared and so as he, it was our first time. could it possibly make him feel different about me?
what to do? plz help!!
BTW sorry for my broken english!! I m not native english speaker:)
I have to tell you I love your page!!! I read through everyones messages... yep I was bored.. lol
anyway, I was seeing this guy for a bit and we wanted to take our relationship to the next level, at the time I just got out of a relationship, so I was kinda scared to get back into one... so nevertheless... I had my gard up and as soon as he said that i started pushing away. well things ended between me and that guy a few months later i saw his number in my phone and desided to text him see how thing were going, he came over that same night we had coffee, and so on... we got really close really fast our relationship was moving faster then i could really think about.. and then I asked him the question... whats going on between us.. well that bit me in the butt. he told me that he doesn't know if i am the one he wants to settle down with.. and that he just doesn't know because of what happend before and me pushing him away.. I relised this time away i really have feelings for this guy and I can accually see him in my future. He's as well said that he's totally attracted to me, loves hanging out with me, thinks im georgous inside and out, and that we have GREAT chemistry... I just don't know how to get him back, how to make him see I made a big mistake and i want to try this again.. any idea????
Okk well I was going out with this guy Abel for about 5months. Well about a week ago he broke up with me just becuz he wanted me too find someone better. And last night I told my friend Sam too ask him about me and he was saying that he liked me a little bit but he doesnt love me :/ But he does still care about me. I told her too ask him if he thought we would ever get back together some day and he said ''Proboly....not..idk'' She also asked him who texts who first and he said I also do and thats a lie becuz yesterday morning he texted me and i got his text when i got up. Then i texted him at like 2 and we didnt text that long becuz he didnt text back. Then when i was talking to my friend Sam he texted me. And he didnt text me back after a while. So Sam asked him if we were still texting and he said ''No'' and she askdd him ''Why not?'' And he said ''Cause I dont feel like it''. I dont knoo what to do anymore im not gonna text him,im going to let him text me im in karate so that will help. But i dont knoo if it will work for sure. Kan you pleaseeee right back so i can knoo what else to do
Okk well I was going out with this guy Abel for about 5months. Well about a week ago he broke up with me just becuz he wanted me too find someone better. And last night I told my friend Sam too ask him about me and he was saying that he liked me a little bit but he doesnt love me :/ But he does still care about me. I told her too ask him if he thought we would ever get back together some day and he said ''Proboly....not..idk'' She also asked him who texts who first and he said I also do and thats a lie becuz yesterday morning he texted me and i got his text when i got up. Then i texted him at like 2 and we didnt text that long becuz he didnt text back. Then when i was talking to my friend Sam he texted me. And he didnt text me back after a while. So Sam asked him if we were still texting and he said ''No'' and she askdd him ''Why not?'' And he said ''Cause I dont feel like it''. I dont knoo what to do anymore im not gonna text him,im going to let him text me im in karate so that will help. But i dont knoo if it will work for sure. Kan you pleaseeee right back so i can knoo what else to do
I read this page the day after my boyfriend broke up with me over two months ago. I was totally devastated, couldn't eat, crying nonstop, etc.
I was tempted to text him all the time, or just drive over to his house, etc. I really really wanted to. Several times I wrote an emotional email trying to convince him to get back together with me...but I never sent it! It was so hard not to reach out to him.
Instead I practiced no contact and tried to look like I was moving forward, confident and healthy. When my ex finally saw me, he realized what a strong and happy girl he'd passed up. Now we're back together and doing great!
Thank you so much, Essy! Without your advice I would have crumbled and done everything wrong.
my boyfriend broke up with me because he said he didnt want to date anyone over the summer. later, i found out he had found another girlfriend. i am crushed. what do i do?! please help!
Hi Essy!
I love your advice! I was wondering if you could help me on my breakup and help me figure out what I can do to get a connection going with my Ex again.
We lived together for three years and were engaged for about a year of that. We got along most of the time, had great sexual chemistry and had quite a few things in common. However, we had differing values when it came to hard work and finances. He also had two kids from a previous relationship (who I adore) and He had to battle with his Ex through most of our relationship. After awhile, this all caused a strain on "US." But, I was still very much in love with him.
In November, he lost another job and suddenly told me he was leaving (w/6 mos left on our lease)and moving 45 min away to live with his mother. I was devastated (I never went through such a traumatic breakup before) and couldn't stop crying for months. He left all his stuff at our apartment, sent me money for rent and we even had a brief reconcilliation in February. But, then he was suddenly "dating" someone else and that killed me even more!!
I have sent a couple emails to the girl he was dating to warn her that he lies and uses people (he even cheated on me, I later found out). I also spoke on the phone with his ex (the mom to his kids) and emailed, texted and called him ALOT through the whole breakup process as I was still hurting and stuck in OUR home until the lease ended, surrounded with memories. Plus, he kept playing games with me that kept me hanging on. He now refuses to talk to me and says he's scared that if we talk again I will "undo the self esteem he's managed to get back." (??????)He says he's given up on me.
Bottomline is that He has not acted at all like the man I fell in love with in the last 7 months and I know deep down, that guy is still there. As much damage as he's done, I feel like he is lost and confused himself. I still love him and am scared I've lost him forever. He isn't dating anyone right now, but still "talking" to the girl he dated this spring. I have stopped all contact with him now for the last month and am about to send him the last few things I have of his. I want us to be at least friendly and communicating again at this point. I feel like I may have ruined my chances by not giving him his space right after we broke up and contacting people in his life. Where do I go from here?
so me and my boyfriend of 3 years on and off broke up a few months ago, and of course i still love him alot. he still loves me and he makes it clear. he still kisses me and tells me he misses me and that he loves me, but he doesent want to get back together, like after he tells me he loves me, 10 minutes later he will tell me to get away from him and let the past go, which confuses me. i dont understand and all i want is one more chance to love with no limits, he was the voice of reason in my life and i love him more than anything, i just want to get back together, but i dont know how to. he means the world to me, and before him i was a mess, suicidal, and self destructive. he came into my life and taught me how to love, and how to live. i communicate with him regularly, and w see each other alot, all my friends are his friends and all his friends are my friends, so we are around each other alot. i feel like i ruined everything between us, and i dont know what to do, please help me.
I was dating a married man and we had an unbelievable connection. His wife found out and he dumped me last July. On Sept 28th he called me to tell me how great his life was and that he was happy. I was heartbroken. Two days later he send me a text that simply said "you are now in my head again". A day later his wife called me that she knew we had talked. I completely put him out of my head after that because I really thought he was using me to get his wife jealous. I felt like that was the final straw. I went on with my life. On Nov 9, he called me again this time crying about how much he loved me, he missed me and he needed me in his life. He begged me to take him back and that we would be great. He also told me he couldnt make a move at home because the holidays were coming and he has 3 girls. We met a few times but we never had sex. He said he couldnt cheat on her again and that he would have had to have moved on before we could have any sort of sexual relationship again. He did stick to his word. In May 2010 his mother passed away suddenly. He became distant and wouldnt take my calls to him to console him. Ten days later he called me, and he told me that he made a pact with his mother before she passed that he would keep his family together. His mother was miserable her whole life with his father and he had told me this many times that they should have divorced. Now his mother who was miserable was asking him to stay in a miserable situation in his own life. I asked him is he ever wanted to hear from me again, after a long pause, he said No. That was May 20th 2010. Today is July 30 and I still have not heard from him again. 70 days and counting. I have not tried to contact him at all. Will I hear back from him ? Will he be able to keep his pact with his mother when he is so miserable with his wife? or has he tried to fix his marriage that he says He never loved her from the beginning...
me and my boyfriend broke up about a week ago and it was my fault for the break up as i wasnt romantic enough. we still talk and im currently seeing a doctor for depression and he said he would come with me on tuesday to support me. when i told him that im seeing a doctor and ive been given meds and i need a counsillor he held me tight and kissed my forehead. later when we was saying goodbye as i had to leave he let me kiss him on the lips quickly. i dont know if that kiss was just so i could kiss him or he wanted to kiss me too? im slightly confused to if he has feelings for me because i want to ask him for another chance to become a better person and i know he does know im being serious but i dont know if he would accept it and frankly im confused.
hey!! essy,.
this page of you really helps..
my boyfriend, did alot of things to talk to me.. when i started to ignore him,, he acts wierd but obiously, he is totalyb jelous.. :)
he found out that i joined a dating site right after we broke up.. then he kept messaging me askin me if i found a new one.. but i kept trying to get rid of tht topic...
and he kept messagin me saying he wont tlk to me anymore...but i kept trying not to reply on it... ofcourse i am afraid that he will really do that. but he didnt lol... he still kept messaging me every morning.. then i watched that youtube.. and did the advice... i sent him a short message saying i am agree with the break up.. and we can still be friends... then he wrote back.. asking me if i still love him.. because he said he still do... then i message back saying i wanna talk but i kinda busy,. with my dance class and i am looking for a job...
and he kept messaging me.. everyday.. for 2 weeks.. and he kept sending me a relatrionship request on my facebook.. when i upload some new photos of me.. smiling.. and of course a lot of comments comes up.. and most of them re from the boys ho is trying to be wioth me..
then he called last night, saying he wants me back..
now were together again.. but this time.. it is not just a one wat relationship.. but a two9 way..
:D.. i
thank you
i want to get back my boyfriend back, i really love him alot n reason of our broke up is i was not able to pick his call as my mother was admitted in hospital but now what i do i cant live without him pls do help me.
Hey, I found this article to be an interesting read, however because every situation feels different, it's still difficult to be sure what to do.
my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, and I miss him like crazy. We didn't date for very long, but it felt completely different to how it felt with other guys I've dated.
I've broken every single rule, so I'm worried I've killed my chances. I've texted and harrassed, I've drunk dialed and cried on his voicemail. I've told him how scared I am and how badly I want him back. I've come into work early (we work at the same place, but usually we have different shifts), just to look at him, and he's probably thinking I'm a stalker. I wanted to have a chat about why he ended it, and he finally agreed, but my temper got the best of me, and I whacked the poor guy over the head. I've sent so many messages to apologize he doesn't even believe me anymore
He's blocked me on facebook, and msn and no longer answers my texts/
Is it really hopeless or is there another chance if I play my cards right?
This article was really interesting and I found it really helpful. Before this I was breaking all the rules but now I am going to be strong. My boyfriend of a year and a half & I were really in love but he felt that I was too immature for him which I admit that I can be but since the break up about 4 months ago i've been working on it. Its hard not to talk to him everyday and he says he still loves me but he just needs time to figure out what he wants. I'm going to follow all these rules and see how it goes. :)
hi Essy,
me and my boyfriend broke up and it has been 3 months now and i want him back. He wanted to be friends but I said no because well I can't do it. But over the course of time he started talking to me again and then offered to talk picked me up took me over his house and then after all that he said he wanted to be friends. I was like seriously no I don't want to be your friend. Then I told him off and then he accused me of hooking up with someone while we were broken up and I did no such thing he told me one of my friends told him. I asked my friend and she said no I never said anything like that she only told him that I didn't do anything with anyone and when any guys flirt with me i tell them to leave me alone. Then i found out from my friend that he had told him he hooked up with someone so i said something and he denied it my friend wouldn't lie to me. I don't know if he said that because he thought I did or what. We got into a huge fight the other night and were fb chatting each other back and forth. The next day I sent him I did absolutely nothing with anyone don't believe what you hear because it isn't true whatever you heard from that person is trying to sabotage our relationship. So figure it out on your own because I've done nothing and did nothing. I love you that's it and if you can't believe me then it's not worth it to me anymore I'll move on. I'm sorry for people getting involved it's none of their business and they shouldn't say anything I love you more than anything and I hope you think about what I'm saying and what we had and if you want that back and hopefully you'll think it through and I'll see you. He said listen Tara I'm sorry about the things I said but you said some pretty mean things as well and i said I'm sorry too babe I love you and I want us to work out. He hasn't said anything since.
First off I just want to say that I'm so grateful that you posted this because it reassured me that I was doing the right thing for ignoring my emotions. :) okay, so my dilemma is that I was talking to this boy for almost three months and recently he said that his feelings for me changed and that he just saw me as a good friend. I assured him that I understood ( and I do! I had the same feelings at one point early on, but got over them and realized how much I like him) but I was devistated. Ive never felt that sad or lost before and I really, really miss him and feel like we are still meant to be together. I've even admitted to myself that I may be in love with him (a scary first for me), but I feel like its my fault that we aren't together anymore. He asked me out one day and I agreed, but I had a bad feeling about it and was apprehensive. (I think that's the word) This was the time when I wasn't sure how i felt about him and I was almost convinced that he was going to stand me up. So i canceled at the last minute so he couldn't. Well, we talked on the phone that night and he called me out on my lie and he was so kind about it and so understanding that I immediately fell for him and admitted to it; and I thought that everything was fine. We kept talkimg ad everything was normal, but when he was telling me how we should be just friends he mentioned me backing out of the date and now all I want to do is for him to give me a second chance, but I'm worried that im too late and that I dont have a right to a second chance with him. :( please, if you read this and you could help me, that would be so great that I cant even think of words to describe it! Thank you for your time, I really needed someone to listen. :)
im going to do this you are great thanks for the help
Okay, I really need help with this. This is sort of a different situation, but I need some advice. Me and my boyfriend, Charlie, dated for almost 5 months, every single day, he would tell me how beautiful I am and how he would always love me, and how he would do anything for me because he loves me more then anybody in the world. He told me he would give his life for me, and he was THE BEST and I really truly love him and miss him with all my heart. Well it got to a point where we barely ever saw each other, so I dumped him. But after, I realized that it was a huge mistake and I tried to explain how much I love him and how I regret dumping him, but he doesn't believe that I'm actually truly sorry, and I just want him back. I've never felt this way with other guys then I did with him. How do I let him know?? I don't harrass him, but I have called him once and he told me that he couldn't talk for like 3 weeks because he is practicing football :/ Then he told his best friend, who is also MY best friend that he only likes me as a friend. Is he just saying this to make himself feel better, or does he really not love me anymore? Please respond this is URGENT!!
Hi Essie!
I just read your article and I'd really appreciate some advice.
My boyfriend broke up with me for the same reasons that your friend Donna's did. But the thing is, I called him up five days after and we agreed to try to reconnect. We went out once and he has been texting me everyday. I recently asked him how he was feeling about us and he says he still needs to sort out his feelings and he's trying to have no expectations. What should I do? Should I stop replying to his texts?
Hey Essy,
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday night on my stepdads birthday and 8 days before my birthday ( great birthday gift huh?)Anyways when we were talking on the phone and thats when he decided to break up with me. I was in shock. I mean i was totally confused. Did i cheat on him: NO Did i flirt with other guys: NO and i was just thinking the way he would but in my mind i didnt do anything wrong. He said over the phone: 'its not you, its me', he also said ' he couldnt do it anymore'. And he also said sorry to me about 10 times,maybe more. But i'm not stupid the line 'its not you it me' is kinda the oldest line in the book. I'm 14 years old and we've dated for 8 months. This was my first real break up. And you don't know how much it hurt. I feel rejected, upset, confused and alot more. And my parents keep telling me for highschool theres gonna be tons of guys. But in my mind i don't know what i did wrong in the relatsionship.... and i don't want to make the same mistake in another relatsionships again. This is my first year of highschool same with my ex i have a few reasons why he might have dumped me: maybe he wanted to be single again for highschool? Maybe his friends told him to dump me? Maybe he felt like he was being smothered by me and since we've been going out for so long. And another tthing: he said he really wants to be friends... right now i want to be more then friends though..and its hard cause i've been told not to talk to him and advoid him but i really miss him. And actually i was planning to hang out with him on my birthday but i guess thats not going to happen. Well things happen for a reason and i can't really change his mind. So if you can respond thats great! THanks Essy!!
Hi Essy!
i'm from belgium and i looooooove this article! thank you very much x
Hi Essy,
I broke up with my fiancee after a two and a half years.It was a long distant relationship but started straining due to insecurities of him thinking I was seeing somelse.
At first I committed all crimes but when I got the T.W methoud and kept the no contact rule he stated contacting me and saying how much he is suffering without me. At the time he was on holiday and was going to meet a girl he had met online. He now says he made the biggest mistake of his life and wants us back together because he cannot move on without me. He has requested 10 day holiday just to come meet me. He is always apologising for what he did.
I dont know what to do when he comes. He wants we go ahead with plans to get married. But with all this he still mentions that he is strugglling to move on and everytime he tries no contact rule he breaks it.I asked why he is getting back with me and trying to move on at the same time. He said he is a confused man but knows he loves me very much. He also says he knows I will never forgive him for meeting another lady. What should I do? Please help.
ok mt fella has left after 22 years because i accidentally caught pregnant and he dont want the baby alothough he says he still loves me he comes round , weve has sex a few times and then hes one of 2 things texes me all day or just blanks me out ireally dont know where i stand i want him back and hevent pressured him if he dont tex me i just dont tex him however its makin me feel so bad im 17 weeks pregnant and really dont need this horrid feeling of rejection all the time please help x
Please give me advise. I have always been so attracted to this man (lets call him Mr Man.) He made it obvious he was also attracted to me, but he is very well known, rich and has his pick of women. Anyway, he did call me once, at night for me to come over, but I told him I dont roll like that and if we had to meet, it should be proper for a drink or a meal. He never called me after that.
I left things like that, but I was still attracted to him and we would always hug and greet each other when we met in public, but I would feel so miserable seeing him with other women.
Anyway, just recently, we bumped into each other at one of the bars and I was with a guy friend of mine. So anyway I went over to say hi Mr Man and he started asking me who the other guy is and that he wants me. He also showed me that he still has my number from when I gave it him 4 years back and we agreed he would call me which he did the next day. We finally made a date and he invited me for lunch and then I went to visit him at his place once, where we hit if off but no sex. After that visit, he invited me again to his place but stood me up because I was late to come. I took that as disrespect and told him to loose my number, but after a week, he sent me a text asking that we should try again. I responded very nonchantly asking how he was doing and didnt say anything about his proposal. He did not try to contact me after that. After a week though, I decided to give it a try and initiated contact, but insisted that this time around he had to come and visit me at my place. He did but was moaning about how far my place was and that he he preferred me coming to visit him at his place, etc, etc. So after he left that evening, i decided to leave him alone. Then he sent me a text later that week and I told him that it seemed he didnt seem so interested in me and that I didnt want to waste my precious time on people who didnt like or respect me. He never responded to that. But then just a week ago I was having dinner with a male colleague and though I spotted him at the same restaurant, I pretended not to notice him and he actually walked up very close to our table and stood for some moments just staring at us and then walked off without saying hi. I sent him a message saying hi the next morning but he never replied. I really like him. What should I do???
Dear Essy :)
My ex and I were only dating for about 2 weeks but we had been talking for about a month. When I was with him it felt so right. He was always kissing on me, hugging me, ect.. Up until this pass Sunday I had been staying the night with him since Wednesday, but Sunday night he did something that I don't really agree with so I told him I was just going home. He walked me to my car, gave me a hug and kiss, and that was it. That night, all day Monday, and up until yesterday around 4 he hadn't called or texted me.. So I called him to see what was wrong. He didn't answer, but he texted me about 30 minutes later and said this: "Look I was gonna call you today and I feel really bad about doing this over text but I think we're better off as friends." I asked him Why.. He said that he just didn't feel himself around me and he asked me not to be mad. He also said that he really liked me but he just wanted to be friends? I don't even know what that means? Lol.
While I was staying with him I asked him 3 different times if he was sure he wanted to be together and the first 2 times he would ask me if I was sure? Which seemed wierd. But the last time he said he did. I'm really confused on why he wouldn't just say something then or Sunday night before I left.
I read your article above and he said if it felt right then it most likely was right.. and it did feel so right. I really need your help and advice! :(
Can't wait to hear from you, Isa!
Dear Essy,
My boyfriend and i broke up because he felt "tied down" in a relationship and wanted to live life. I was devestated when he did this, and he did this over a text message. We broke up about maybe a month ago and i have tried my best not to come in contact with him. I have talked to him a few times and I guess that wasnt helping any. And i guess when his friends harrassed me online i dont think it helped my self-esteem either. I dont know why i want him back but i know that i still really like him and im not sure whether to hate him for leaving me for someone more, well, not pretty but...yeah uhm nevermind. I just hate that i cant hate him. Im not even sure that your wonderful rules of wisdom will help me ):.
I really want him back, he made me so happy. But when i try to think of us together again, i just think about how ugly he makes me feel.
Please help me!!
Hello, Thank you soo much for all of the invice, it really helped! I just love my Ex boyfriend soo much and its soo hard to see him with another girl. But I am trying my best to be strong and dont keep in contact with him...Do you think that it is okeyy if i try to text him and not call him? But the thing is that whenever i call or text him he never repies and it gets really annowing!! So thanks again for all the invice! Please keep on writing more things about our relationships...I will probally be going on this website everyday!! Thanks!:)
I am going through a break up now and I am trying to win him back ur advise is helpful and I will take it I have been calling him too much and seeming needy well not anymore Im going to just take a breather and let him get his space and miss me !
well i did everything you've recommended and sure enough my ex boyfriend started calling me again, sometimes "just to talk", and sometimes to see how i've been. we've hung out a few times and he even said that he misses me, thinks im the one, and that he loves me still. but the thing is, idk if he's just trying to hook up with me or not.. how can i tell? we have hooked up a few times even tho he has a girlfriend but he told me he didnt care about her. we were together for a year and were extremely close so i don't doubt that he still loves me.. but how can i be sure that hes not just using me as a bootycall?
Hey, my story is a bit different and complicated. okay i'm only sixteen, although my relationship is serious, i do know that I'm still young. we started dating seven months ago, on the second day that our relationship began i stupidly cheated on him at a party that i went to. excuses aside, what i did was wrong an heartless. i didn't tell him after it happened because i was scared, a few months down the track we actually fell in love with each other. which was unexpected, but we really love eachother now. i still havent told my boyfriend about the cheating when our relationship first happened im just so scared. i keep making up excuses in my head like, it doesnt matter because you could pretty much class it as not in out relationship. i dont know what to do. do you think he would break up with me if i told him? would he take me back? what do i do? please help me :(
Heyy, help mee!
My Ex boyfriend dumped me, and i did all the sobbing down the phone to him etc! but then he told me we would never ever get back together, this was a while ago now..
I rang him the other day and asked if he wanted to go for coffee just as friends, and he said yes.. we met up and we were in the park, and he was flirting with me, like mad, and then we ended up kissing... this was all on his part, teh only reason i didnt deny him was because i still love him..
thing is does this mean anything? i dont want to ask him bluntly incase i scare him away, i just dont want to end up getting hurt again..
please help me im really confused!
Two years ago i met the person of my dreams! He is the son of my dad's work friend and thats how we met. He lives about 2 hours away so after the first time we met we texted loads and were constantly on msn to each other. After about a month he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me and would always love me and no one else. i admited my feelings towards him as well. We never went out but carried on speaking for another month. Eventually we stopped speakign as often, i'm still not sure why. I met up with him and his family again last year, my feelings for him came rushing back and we went camping together, it was the best two days i'd had in my life! We were together the whole time. We spoke again on msn for awhile but it wasnt the same as before it was just friendly. I met up again with him and his family this year, once going to go climbing which was fun but he was moody the whole time though we still talked alot and had a laugh. I met up again with him and his family a few days, we slept over at his house. We were together all night laughing and messing about. My friend came with me and she said he obvs really fancies me but i dont think he does i just wish he did. I'm planning on going camping with him in a week or so. I really enjoy being with him and wish he felt the same way. Every time i see him it brings back my feelings and i have to force myself to ignore them. I dont know what to do. Help please?
I wonder if these general rules will work for me? Together almost 3 years and I feel like he's got a lot of insecurities he's gotta work through. Clearly he can't get through them with me in the picture. He's broken up with me twice, both times the reason being that he feels like I deserve more. And that he feels pressured to be a better man. It doesn't matter how many times I've told him that he's an awesome boyfriend. It's like in general he doesn't feel like he's the man I want him to be.
Is it too late to try and put these guidelines in place? It's been just over 2 weeks since we broke up.
Im losing my mind, my husband and i have known each other for 20 yrs and have been married for the last 5 yrs. A year ago I fell pregnant and also found out by chance that he was seeing someone, over the space of my pregnancy they were on and off. Then once I had our baby it was clear that she was going to marry another, my husband was heartbroken. Later it transpired that she didnt get married. My husband then told me the whole truth that infact they had an affair years before when my husband and i where just seeing each other as girlfriend and boyfriend. The affair was short and lasted 3 months in that time she got pregnant and never told my husband about the pregnancy when she broke it off with him. Apparently they were head over heels back then but she broke it off because of parental pressures and religion. She re-entered his life again after 7 years just before my pregnancy with the view to wanting to introduce her son to his father. Now my husband wants to marry her officially and divorce me but keep things going with me to for the sake of our child. This is too much as i feel that i have lost the love of my life and if he does not marry this woman he fears that she will marry someone else and he will never see his son again and will lose the love of his life. I have implemented a plan that i will immigrate out of his life with our child regardless of his actions, he doesnt want me to leave but has no choice because he has fallen head over heels again for this same girl and doesn't feel that i can complete his life as well as she can and i never did. All though he doesnt want me to leave his life so that he can still be there for the support and upbringing of our child. Lastly my husband confessed that for many years he was having sex with prostitutes behind my back whenever he felt the need and this has all stopped now that this girl has reappeared in his life. What a mess? Am i doing the right thing? Should i not sign the divorce papers, should i expose him to his family and to her and her family? Would anyone ever believe me as this is so far fetched? Plese advise?
i hope that helps me out with my problems
Hey Listen I just had my heart broken by this guy love bad. I mean it took him an hour to break up with me!! Okay so my ex plays guitar and I've always wanted to learn how to play and I started learning because my marching band director plays and was teaching me. I was talking to my ex one day when we were hanging out and he asked what was new in my life and I said "nothing" Was it a good thing that I didn't tell him about that? I mean I don't want him thinking that I learned because i missed him which wasn't the reason. Also, for the "other things to focus on" rule see I'm in marching band and that takes up a lot of time and I want to add something to it but I'm not sure what I could do to make him jealous and to keep myself more occupied with other things. I was thinking of some way to make him jealous but this would take up a lot of time. I was thinking that since I love singing and can sing pretty good that I would sing for this band that wants me to sing for them. i was going to sing for my ex's band but I said no because I didn't want to ruin our friendship(he asked me to sing for his band a few months before we got together). If I sing do you think that that would make him jealous? I hate to sound desperate for wanting him back but I want it to be back to how it was before we broke up when he could make me smile just by his presence and would comfort me and help me through all of my problems and write songs for me...sorry a little off topic...but i need help!!! please respond ASAP cuz i just don't know what to do and I need HELP!!!!
When I was going through my own relationship troubles, I decided to search for some further advice. I learned a lot and that's why I decided to set up my how to get your ex boyfriend back blog. So that I could help other girls out who are looking to get their guy back.