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Admire the most beautiful places of Talamello and add them to your basket. YAMGU will create your trip considering distances, opening hours and weather.
It is dedicated to Fernando Gualtieri (Longlaville, 1919-present), honorary citizen of the country where their grandparents were born and the mother of the artist. Inaugurated in 2002 by the municipality, is located within the former Amintore Galli Theatre, earlier medieval church dedicated to San Antonio Abate. The title of the Museum "the splendour of reality", recalls the awards received by the master from critics and defines his personal style, characterized by careful research centered on a poetic hyperrealism, tinged with figurative surrealist reminiscences and painting Flemish 17th cent


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The 2016 football regular season is complete, which gives us a chance to look back at the 10 best games of the year in the Lake Country/Waukesha/Mukwonago footprint (with plenty great ones left to come).
10. Mukwonago opens season strong. Facing Franklin, a team that went to Level 4 in 2015 and wound up finishing 8-1 in 2016, Mukwonago opened the season with a 22-13 victory, picking up a highlight-reel touchdown from Zach Genrich from 80 yards out that helped put the game on ice. Mukwonago, however, missed the playoffs for a second straight season thanks to another brutal dosage of the Classic 8 schedule.
9.Max Duchow delivers. Kettle Moraine was left lamenting some close calls in 2016 after just missing the playoffs, but a win over Muskego was a showcase of the Lasers at their best. Max Duchow, who posted some eye-popping numbers at quarterback over the year, threw for 306 yards and two scores, ran for another touchdown and also finished with an interception. Sam DeLany caught 12 passes for 170 yards and a score, and KM won, 38-29, eliminating the defending league champ from the playoffs. Muskego, which had taken a quick 14-0 lead in the game, went on to close the year winning its next three games.
8. Lake Country Lutheran downs St. Cat's. Lake Country Lutheran has a standing playoff reservation in the Midwest Classic, but the season opener against Racine St. Catherine's was an intriguing battle against two teams that would both go on to win outright conference titles. The Lightning registered a 28-18 victory, with Ryan Nehls rushing for two touchdowns and three LCL players grabbing interceptions.
7. Memorial wins defensive battle with AHS. Catholic Memorial passed every test this season, and perhaps the stiffest came from Arrowhead in a 7-3 win that counts as the closest call the Crusaders have endured in sweeping the Classic 8 this season. Ben Nimz found Max Cooper for a 40-yard touchdown late in the third quarter to mark the only touchdown. Both teams came away with three turnovers apiece.
6. Pewaukee wins Woodland West showdown. New Berlin Eisenhower scored 17 points in the fourth quarter but missed a 2-point conversion in the final 2 minutes in what amounted to a Woodland West title game. Pewaukee emerged, 26-24, and went on to win the overall Woodland crown.
5. Late score lifts Pewaukee over Wisco. Two of the gold-standard programs in Division 3 football have enjoyed a spirited recent nonconference rivalry, and this year's meeting in Week 2 was no exception. Pewaukee, which went on to win the Woodland title, claimed a 22-19 victory over Wisconsin Lutheran thanks to two late touchdowns, including a catch by Connor Vogt with 16 seconds left.
4. Oconomowoc games. All of them. Pick one of Oconomowoc's games at random, and chances are you've landed on a crazy shootout. The Raccoons were no stranger to overcoming deficits and putting up a ton of points in the process, but the biggest win may have been against rival Hartford, a 48-42 win that became the first of two overtime victories in the Wisconsin Little Ten. Ben Nienhuis threw for 312 yards, and Zach Clayton caught seven passes for 113 -- far from the best single-game performances those two had in 2016, however. The team's 50-40 win over Watertown or 20-14 win over Beaver Dam in overtime in subsequent weeks made for perhaps the zaniest three-game stretch anywhere in the state. The 42-35 win over Kettle Moraine in Week 1 – divided over two days because of a lightning delay – was also an epic.
3. Waukesha West beats Muskego at the buzzer. Muskego wound up winning its final three games of the year and would have been a playoff team had it not been for this jaw dropper to open the Classic 8 season on a Thursday night. With top running back Peter MacCudden injured on the previous play -- a moment of controversy, it should be noted -- Robert Kobza snuck in the winning touchdown as time expired to give West a thrilling 26-24 victory.
2. Arrowhead brings down defending champion. In what became a great short-lived tradition, powerhouses Homestead and Arrowhead again opened the season against each other, this time in a Thursday night battle Aug. 18. Homestead, the defending Division 2 state champion, had won the first two matchups before Arrowhead beat the Highlanders in 2015, and they never could catch the Warhawks in a 25-18 outcome this time around. AHS quarterback Jeff Holtz passed and ran for a touchdown each. Holtz, however, was injured in the game and didn't play the rest of the year, and while the Warhawks took a couple lumps in the Classic 8, Homestead never lost again. It was a great first game for Fritz Rauch, the first-year Arrowhead coach who formerly served as longtime coordinator at Homestead.
1. Waukesha North tops Arrowhead. The Northstars had everyone's attention following a Week 3 stunner, 26-20, in which the struggling program knocked off a squad that had been to the past four Division 1 state finals. North ultimately fell short of a playoff berth, but for a while, North was the top story around the state. Taylor Anderson caught two scores, and North held off a furious fourth-quarter rally to prevail.

subset: commoncrawl


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Greetings. I'm spending the holidays up at the in-laws in Ely, MN. I took some great photos today of the lake & of my wife and I, and I was SO EXCITED to show them to the internet. But turns out I didn't bring my cable to connect my camera to my computer, so those will have to wait. Oh well.
If you want to see where I've been spending my Thanksgiving weekend, check out this webcam. The camera is located a few hundred feet from my in-laws home, and the view looks right over the top of Mel's parents place.
It's been a good vacation so far. We've been for a walk, had a great Thanksgiving feast, & hung around. Today, FIL used his wood shop to make us a few more custom trim pieces for our never-ending hallway project. So big thanks there. Now we're watching a Smallville marathon (don't ask…) while a couple frozen pizzas heat up.
Ok. That's all for now.


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Mine closure planning is standard practice in Australia, where end-of-mine-life plans are part of the initial approvals process.
They cover issues like site rehabilitation, risk assessment, long term monitoring, management of water community interactions.
Mine closure plans are considered just as important as planning to start mining in the first place.
There is also the ongoing environmental management of so-called 'legacy' mines to consider.
They are historic mines that may be up to 100-plus years old, long before the environment was considered.
America is also dealing with legacy mines that may be much older, and is working more on mine closure planning.
Professor Gary Pierzynski, of Kansas State University, has been in Australia to speak on the American experience.
"We're in the position where much of legacy mine issues have been addressed, and we're focused on the mine closure process in terms of beginning that at the very initiation of mining.
"We're learning from our past mistakes, so that when active mines are closed we won't have to deal with those legacy issues.
"Acidity is probably the biggest one and we need to contain those problems in the long term.
"We're probably effectively doing that over five to 10 year periods, but it gets beyond that and we get problems with acidity that we didn't anticipate and they get longer as time goes on."
The problems arise from acid drainage and acid soil runoff from sulphide-bearing minerals that oxidise when they're exposed to oxygen and become acidic.
"Another big issue is getting the community in the surrounding areas involved in the mining from the exploration stage.
"It could be in terms of economic growth. They might experience how that's handled in terms of critical services, like housing, and potentially even what will happen to the mine when operations cease.
"And looking at relocation and retraining of individuals in another area."


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Kendra Wilkinson Would Let Son See Her Nude Playboy Photos
In an interview with E! News, Kendra Wilkinson says she'd have no problem letting her son, Hank Jr., see her nude Playboy photos because he already sees her naked every day. Which seems a bit much, but then again, Martha Stewart was a huge fan of making sure her kids could see her pee, so what do I know?
"Of course I would let little Hank see my Playboy," she admits. "He sees me naked every day. I have no shame. We take baths together. We take showers together. If you hide something then it becomes more taboo."
Not to mention, the kid's only six, and he's already seen more Playboy magazines than I have in my entire life.
"Little Hank's already been in [Hugh's] office," Wilkinson said. "Little Hank's already seen the nude magazines. He's already seen them! He's cool."
I don't want to be Puritanical here – you see what I do for a living – but go ahead and imagine seeing your own mom naked in Playboy. Now, try not to imagine human shit oozing out of your eyes as the flames of Hell dance around you and demand you collect mounds of flesh for your Dark Master. It's impossible. You can't. Nobody can.
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Photos: AKM-GSI


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Tylenol & Motrin
Motrin should only be used when they have a fever is what my pediatrician said. It is tough on their kidneys and livers. So only time to use that is when a fever happens. In this case, you would switch off. Tylenol, Motrin, Tylenol, Motrin. That way their bodies don't get immune to one of the medicines or hurt them in long run. I only use Tylenol for things like teething or cold or something. Motrin & Tylenol for fever (way described). other than that I try to steer clear of both.
Sounds about what we do. I often alternate the two if she has a fever also, works well.
yes alternating when the fever hits helps tremendously. just Tylenol didn't cut it for my little one. But I had to alternate before 6 months. I didn't want Raelynn to be tortured in the hospital if I could help her myself so I called and that's what I was told to do. Motrin for FEVER ONLY!!! But she was about 3 or 4 months old. It didn't hurt her but if fever happens just ask pediatrician about the switching method. sure they will agree :)
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Born: Jersey City, New Jersey
Current: Greencastle, Indiana
Birth: March 16
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Babies will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, the bankroll smaller, a home happier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for. Mom of 2 beautiful little girls & engaged to the love of my life. So thankful for my family.
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The indie-rock icons Pixies slathered Humphrey's By the Bay with all the alt-rock...View gallery »
Indie rock pioneers the Pixies kick off last leg of 2014 "Indie Cindy" tour in San Diego. Read »
Yes got pretty "close to the edge" when they headlined Humphrey's By the Bay...View gallery »
The Grammy-winning, flamenco-rooted band of brothers make their way to Humphrey's this month to celebrate 25 years in music. Read »
Humphrey's By the Bay welcomed acoustic folk/soul singer/songwriter Amos Lee with...View gallery »
Yes' founding bassist, Chris Squire, talks the band's new album and what's in store for them -- before their Aug. 18 show at Humphrey's. Read »
It's award season in San Diego, and time to vote for your favorite artists -- that an more in this week's installment of Music MonDaze. Read »
This month, the Grammy-winning brother trio return from adversity to bring their infectious "Texican rock & roll" at Humphrey's By the Bay. Read »
You could say the stage banter was a bit funnier than usual when Steve Martin...View gallery »
Canadian singer/songwriter Sarah McLachlan played to a sold-out Humphrey's By the...View gallery »
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To try the thousands of add-ons available here, download Mozilla Firefox, a fast, free way to surf the Web!Close
Welcome to Firefox Add-ons.
Choose from thousands of extra features and styles to make Firefox your own.Close
About me
|User since
|March 5, 2007
|Number of add-ons developed
|0 add-ons
|Average rating of developer's add-ons
|Not yet rated
My Reviews
Old Default Image Style
Please keep updated. Rated 2 out of 5 stars
I use Firefox 14 alpha. I can't stand the nearly black background but your addon is incompatible with my build.This review is for a previous version of the add-on (1.0.1-signed.1-signed).
Thumbnail Zoom Plus
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
Super useful extension. It works very well. This addon fills a serious void in default firefox capabilities. The original 'Thumbnail Zoom' extension doesn't compare. Serious kudos to the author.This review is for a previous version of the add-on (184.108.40.206-signed).
TextMarker Go
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
Everything on this page is in Chinese, so I have no idea what it says. But I will say that this appears to be the only text highlighter to work with Firefox 4. FIVE STARS.This review is for a previous version of the add-on (0.7.3.1-signed.1-signed).
Thumbnail Zoom
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
Please at least the very least...add reddit support for those imgur links, if not all image urls.
Rated 5 out of 5 stars
This is great, now if only it could actually get rid of the back and forward icons like it shows in the stratiform preview.This review is for a previous version of the add-on (1.0.1-signed.1-signed).
Not working, hasn't worked in a while... Rated 1 out of 5 stars
Please fix this broken extension that used to deserve 5 stars. Now All I get are Google ads on the side.
I did vote up the issue on your issues page as well.
Rated 4 out of 5 stars
Please update this addon. I use Firefox 3.6 beta 3, and I hope this will work when 3.6 final is released.
App Tabs
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
I have been pretty unhappy with PermaTabs Mod due to the massive number of bugs (losing all my permatabs on crashes or when entering private browsing.)
Happy to report I don't see serious bugs like that with this extension.
Butit is a real hassle that this extension treats "App Tabs" as homepages, so they load every single time my web browser starts, and if I've got any "App Tabs", they will all try to load at once and slow down my entire startup. I'd like the option to only load these pages when I click on their tabs.
I also wold like to be able to unload these "App Tabs" from memory when not in use so they aren't wasting my system resources.
3 stars because unless some option is put in place to fix the above issue, I will always feel like an
"App Tab" doesn't deserve the use of ANY of my systems resources until I have opened it. Yet these tabs open and load themselves, and I may possibly never want to open them in that particular session.
As far as I'm concerned, this extension is a resource hog since it loads pages silently in the background.
Clear Search
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
I'd install this if it also cleared my findbar searches in the same way.
Clear Search
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
I'd install this if it also cleared my findbar searches in the same way.
PermaTabs Mod
Rated 2 out of 5 stars
Great idea, BUT, I think this feature becomes a hassle for everyday use because:
1) You lose the ability to easily refresh a permatab. (instead, a new tab opens when clicking refresh)
2) You have to rightclick it to reset a permatab to its homepage. (no shortcut)
3) There needs to be a way to close all open permatabs. (to save memory and its an easy way to "refresh" all the permatabs as if they were never opened).
New Tab Homepage
I found a serious bug. Rated 2 out of 5 stars
I have been a dedicated user of this extension since it was released. The functionality it provides is a must. However, at least for me, in Firefox 3 if I enable this extension, my "Save & Quit" button goes away about half the time on the closing tabs warning dialog. This bug should be fixed.This review is for a previous version of the add-on (0.4).
Location Bar Curve
Rated 3 out of 5 stars
I want this more than you can imagine, unfortunately this extension only overlays the curve over the classic location bar, I still see the classic border of the site info button behind the curve.
Mouseless Browsing
Great Idea, but destroys page loading. Not yet rated
I must say this is a great idea, seems easy to use and understand. However, even when the link labels for MLB are turned off, my pages take at least twice the time to load. While loading, instead of pages being white, I often see what appears to me as random black and gray boxes flickering on the screen. This hasn't happened since I uninstalled Mouseless Browsing. This really makes surfing the web very unpleasant, it almost hurts my eyes. So if load times and page rendering with this extension get fixed, I'd give it 5 stars.This review is for a previous version of the add-on (0.4.2).
To create your own collections, you must have a Mozilla Add-ons account.


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Big Red Blog: Clash of the Titans?
Clash of the Titans?
Posted by Brad Wilbricht
Saturday, September 15 - 9:30 AM
When thinking of the best teams in the NFL over the past 10 games, the New England Patriots are no surprise to come up in the conversation but the Arizona Cardinals are a different story.
However, as the two teams prepare to clash Sunday in New England, the Patriots (9-1) and Cardinals (8-2) are the two hottest teams in the NFL dating back from the final nine games of the 2011 campaign and Week 1 of 2012.
Even though the Cardinals have been impressive over their past 10 contests, they still will be significant underdogs on the road this week. The Patriots were up to their old tricks in the regular-season opener against the Tennessee Titans and appear to be a well-balanced team on both sides of the ball.
Meanwhile, Arizona has a few – if not several areas of concern. Topping the list is an inept running game. Neither Beanie Wells nor Ryan Williams was able to muster anything on ground against the Seattle Seahawks as the Cardinals managed only 43 yards rushing. Certainly, the running game will need to be much better in order to give Kevin Kolb and company a chance to make something happen through the air.
On a positive note, Arizona did hold Seattle to only 139 yards passing, ranking fourth best in the NFL after one week. Unfortunately for the Cardinals, facing Tom Brady will be a far cry from Seahawks rookie signal caller Russell Wilson.
Arizona a Kolb will be riding a high from last week's victory and might manage to stick around with Patriots for a half or so. But in the end, look for New England to pull away and the potential for a blowout does exist.
Prediction: New England 35 Arizona 20
Questions or comments? Contact Brad Wilbricht at firstname.lastname@example.com
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Sooners Illustrated07/11/2017


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Let us know when your receive great advice so we can thank our lawyers and point others with similar questions in the right direction.Got it!
I got a ticket for selling alcohol to a minor while I was on F1 visa. I took a course and then case was dismissed. Also later I expunged it and have obtained a certified copy of the disposition
I have changed my status to H1b and now I have to go to my home country and do the Visa stamping. So when filling the application for H1B visa, in the DS160 form for the question "Have you ever been arrested or convicted for any offense or crime, even though subject of a pardon, amnesty or other similar legal action?" should I answer yes or no?
You were never "convicted". Answer "yes" ONLY IF you were actually "arrested" = apprehended, then detained (no matter how briefly) and had your picture and fingerprints taken, rather than having simply being issued a "ticket".
Kindly be advised that the answer above is only general in nature cannot be construed as legal advice, given that not enough facts are known. It is your responsibility to retain a lawyer to analyze the facts specific to your particular situation in order to give you specific advice. Specific answers will require cognizance of all pertinent facts about your case. Any answers offered on Avvo are of a general nature only, and are not meant to create an attorney-client relationship.Ask a similar question
Thanks for your reply Mr. Behar No I was not detained. They just gave me a ticket, photo & I think fingerprints. Do you think I may problems during the interview?
No, not if you disclose you were arrested and produce the final court disposition document of that case.
So I should answer No for that question? And just keep all the documents with me as a backup if asked
No, since you WERE fingerprinted and had your pictures taken (most likely inside a police station) , that DOES constitute an ARREST and has to be disclosed as such on the DS-160. Again, to your H-1B visa interview at the consulate make sure to take the US state court's certified Case Final Disposition Report (which you will need to request from the court) NOT the police report or arrest record! - since those are likely to contain gory & inflammatory details of your arrest, crime, etc. - only the certified copy of the court's final disposition document and you should be OK. Relax, consulates worldwide get such documents of previously "arrested" visa applicants all the time and still issue visas. Yours is not an offense that will make you "inadmissible" to the US. It will also be a good idea to have an immigration lawyer prepare a Memorandum of Laws addressed to the consulate, explaining that the misdemeanor you were convicted of under state law does NOT render you inadmissible.
You have never been arrested or convicted. Expungement never wipes out a convictions if such conviction exists.Ask a similar question
I disagree with some if my colleagues. Based on your facts, you definitely were arrested, even if you weren't taken to jail to be booked. In Florida, selling alcohol to a minor is a second-degree misdemeanor. You will need to answer "yes" and obtain certified copies of the arrest affidavit, certificate if completion if the pre-trial diversion program, and final disposition. Hopefully you or your attorney obtained these certified copies prior to doing the expungement. As my colleague stated, expungement is irrelevant when it comes to immigration. Best of luck!
Please note, the above answer is for general informational purposes only. We are a full-service immigration and criminal defense law firm, representing clients in all 50 states and worldwide. Kristy Figueroa-Contreras, Esq., firstname.lastname@example.com, NEGRI, TORRES & FIGUEROA-CONTRERAS, PA, The Minorca, Suite 214, 2030 South Douglas Road, Miami, FL 33134, Tel. (305) 639-8599. Hablamos español. Falamos português.Ask a similar question
I respectfully disagree with my colleagues. In Florida, Section 562.11(1)(a) indicates that selling alcohol to a minor is a second degree misdemeanor. Although you received what you explained was a "ticket" your encounter with law enforcement could be classified as an arrest depending on the circumstances. I would want to review the "ticket" your received and also speak with you about the nature of your encounter with law enforcement before I provided a recommendation as to answering that question. Moreover, I'm also a little concerned about the dismissal as well. Did you have to pay any fine associated with the charge and did the Court initially note that adjudication was withheld during this process? If so, there are additional considerations that should be discussed as well. I would recommend that you discuss this matter in detail with counsel before completing the DS-160.
This answer is provided for general information purposes only and an attorney/client relationship is neither intended nor created. Please seek qualified counsel to review your case and provide you with advice specific to your situation.Ask a similar question
The information contained in this answer is provided for informational purposes only, and should not be construed as legal advice on any subject matter,not should it be viewed as establishing an attorney client relationship of any kind.Ask a similar question
Mention "yes" and keep the proceeding paperwork handy.
This response is general in nature and cannot be construed as legal advice, given that not enough facts are known. Any comments offered on Avvo are of a general nature only, and are not meant to create an attorney-client relationship. You are encouraged to seek independent and private counseling for a complete review of your case.Ask a similar question
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- 64 years old
- Date of birth: Sep 27, 1946
- Date of passing: Jan 1, 2011
|Let the memory of Irene be with us forever
"Another year without you my darling sister, always in our thoughts, forever in our hearts xxxxxxxxxxxx"
"6 years today Nan, miss you just as much now as I did then, you are the sunshine on my shoulders xxxx love you"
"Another year without you Nan! Doesn't get any easier... hope your watching over us and we make you proud.. until we meet again ♡♡♡ xxxxxxxxx"
"Happy Birthday Nan, love you forever, miss you always <3"
"Happy birthday nan! hope your having a baileys or 2! miss you so much! lots of love always xxxxxxx"
"On your Heavenly Birthday, you are missed so much xxxxxxx"
"Laying you a flower nan as you always loved your flowers... miss you soo much... hope you and auntie sue are together... I love you... until we meet again xoxoxoxo"
"Another year without you Mom, and the time will not heal the hurt of loss. Love and miss you always xxJuliexx"
"Another year today Nan, time isnt a healer because this hurt never goes away.. I miss you so much, we should be coming to visit you this time of year instead of lighting candles for you :( love you forever Ellie, Willow and Ollie <3"
"Another year begins without you Irene, Gone but never ever forgotten, you missed so much xxxxx"
"Happy Birthday my darling sister , sorry its late but i know you will understand xxxxxxxmiss you"
"My darling sister , on the day you received your Angel wings four years ago.Theirs not a day that goes by that i dont think of you, i love and miss you so very much xxxxxxxxxx"
"Miss you so much my darling Irene xxxxxxxx"
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CNBC.com posted this article about a month ago explaining how renting a vacation home for the entire family just might be the most cost friendly option for your summer vacation. Read the story here.
Posts Tagged 'cnbc'
Vacation Rentals May Hold a Key to Vacation Savings
Posted in Travel Industry News & Information, tagged Beach Rental, cnbc, vacation rental savings, vacation rentals on June 9, 2009| Leave a Comment »


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NEIL ARKSEY Result! RESULT!
- Rose Irma Wilkinson
- 2 years ago
- Views:
2 1 The Other Side Laurena s pretty. Ashley kissed his teeth. Don t be ridiculous! She is. He laughed. Thomas span to face him. What s wrong with her then? She s my sister, stupid! Apart from that...? You wouldn t understand. Ashley kicked a small stone. It bounced across the grass verge and into the canal. He envied Thomas. Thomas didn t have an older sister. His dad wasn t a teacher at Kirkham High. You ve got to admit, she is nice looking... Thomas smirked like an idiot. She smiles at me. Ashley groaned. Don t make me puke.
3 Beyond the footbridge, on the other side, a road ran by the canal. There were holes in the fencing. The dark water was a graveyard for unwanted bikes, stolen cars and shopping trolleys. The two boys raced up the steps to the bridge. Look! Ashley nodded. More of the fencing had been demolished since their last visit. Another concrete post had been smashed. In the canal, the burnt-out shell of a sports car, sprawled piggy-back on another drowned wreck. Thomas threw a stone. I hate Sundays. I love em, said Ashley. They re so boring. Mum goes to church, Dad reads the papers, Laurena gazes at herself in the mirror all day... Ashley flung a stone, high into the air above the canal....and you, said Thomas, you get to hang around down some minging old canal with me. Minging old you! laughed Ashley. Come on! Elbowing Thomas in the ribs, he took off at a run towards the end of the bridge. Where you going? Dunno... Ashley kept running. Just for a poke around and a wander... see what we find. I can t... Thomas was following half-heartedly....i m not allowed over that side. Me neither! yelled Ashley, taking the steps three at a time. Let s do it! They hadn t passed a soul. The road and broken fence had given way to high factory walls, windowless and drab. Sunlight was gone, you could feel the chill from the dark water; it was deathly quiet, cut-off from the world, closed-in. Ashley glanced at Thomas. His feet were dragging, he kept looking over his shoulder like a nervous bird. Thomas slowed. The bridge is nearly out of sight. Broken glass crunched loudly under his trainers. Shouldn t we turn back soon...? You re not scared? said Ashley. Don t be stupid! Thomas made to shoulder-barge him towards the water.
4 He shoved back. What then? Thomas shrugged. Nothing. Ashley walked on. For some reason, this forbidden world of abandoned and derelict buildings made his heart beat faster. It s not far, he called back over his shoulder. Suddenly, Thomas was interested and scurrying behind him. What s not? Ashley grinned at the ease of his bluff. Wait and see, he said, quickening his pace. Listen! What was it? Ashley broke into a jog. Come on! The shouts and yells seemed to come from all sides. A fight perhaps? There were lots of voices. The high buildings distorted and echoed them, but they were definitely close by. He ran. Curtis! Come on, you stupid... Give it to him, man! Give it to him! Cas! Cas! CAS! Over here mate! Over here. Ashley could hear Thomas pounding the gravel, close on his heels. To his left, the high walls disappeared now and the space opened out. Grabbing the fence, he stared in amazement. You idiot! Pass it back, man. Pass it! Get rid of it! PASS! How many were there? Fifteen? Twenty-a-side! No - more. Madness! panted Thomas panting to a stop beside him. Ashley nodded. The boys were large and hard-looking, most seemed a few years older. The game was raggedy to say the least - pretty much a free-for-all. On concrete for heaven s sake! But what a place! It had to be at least as big as a full-size pitch! There were thousands of windows in the old factory buildings surrounding the yard -
5 all smashed. The chicken-wire fence separating the yard from the canal had seen better days too. Him with the dark curly hair! Thomas gripped the fence. Watch him go! Yeah, said Ashley. And he s dangerous in the air, too. Catching the ball on his chest, the boy brought it down without slowing, moved free of the mob and took off, ball at his feet. Effortless. A pack gave chase. Dodging this way and that, the boy wound his way towards the far goal - a white line painted on the wall. As he drew level with the last defender, he feigned a lurch left, took the ball right and shot. The tall keeper, leapt brilliantly to punch the ball clear. The ball ricocheted back off the building. Save! gasped Ashley. Corner! yelled Thomas. But the ball remained in play. Pushing and shoving, a scrum of boys hacked and kicked. Another shot - the ball leapt back. And another... and another... The ball was finally hooked away. Thomas turned to Ashley. Lethal! He nodded. Or what! After a time, even with so many participants and so few rules, he had begun to recognise the skilled players. The standard was surprisingly high, the game was being played at an exhausting pace. But it was Cas, the curly-haired youth they had first noticed, who was proving most consistent. In spite of his efforts, the side he captained was losing. His chief rival, the captain of the other side, was a louder, more aggressive player. He was black, tall as a giant, and built like a tank. His name was Gunner. He had a kick like a missile-launcher. The fence rocked as the ball smashed into one of the uprights. Reacting by instinct - to a blur of shadow in the corner of his eye - Ashley dived. Save!
6 Nice one! Gunner ran over. There was blood on his shirt, the rip from a fall. Chuck it... Hang on! panted Cas. Gunner span round. What s this? Too bushed? Cas put up his hands. Oh, yeah, please. We can t take any more! Gunner spat and wiped his forehead. Cas grinned. How about some fresh blood? Ashley stared. Suddenly all eyes were on Thomas and him. How about it? barked Gunner. Ashley glanced at Thomas. You bet! he yelled, tossing the ball sideways. Thomas got his foot to it. The ball soared up and over the fence, in a high arc. Ashley yanked at a gap in the chicken-wire and clambered through. OK. Gunner was already jogging back towards the centre. The white boy can use his feet - we ll take him. The brother s yours. Ashley felt a hand on his shoulder. How about you? said Cas, Can you use your feet? He nodded. Let s find out, said Cas. You re kicking with us.
7 2 The Bridge Ashley puffed out his cheeks. You done alright. Cas draped an arm round his shoulder. Didn t score any goals. Goals aren t everything. No. He sighed. Winning is. Cas stopped and turned. Is that what you think? He shrugged. Cas shook his head. Playing, he said, not winning. It s playing and how you play that counts. He wagged a finger. Never forget it! They slapped hands and shook. Players are always welcome, said Cas. Ashley and Thomas dawdled their way home. At the bridge where, on the other side, their paths divided, they rested on a battered shopping trolley.
8 Eleven - nine! hissed Thomas. He had said little else since the end of the game. Yeah, OK! said Ashley. So your side won - big deal! But how many shots on goal did you make? Thomas dropped his head and grunted. My legs, he groaned, they re killing me. Me too. Nearly three hours! Ashley hopped off the trolley. And they were already well into the game when we arrived.. What must those guys be made of? Thomas stretched out a leg. Don t know about you, he gasped, rubbing, but my last day of freedom s going to be spent doing absolutely nish! Squat-diddley! Nothing! Zero! He flung a stone across the water. Freedom! Not for much longer... said Thomas,...school on Tuesday. The stone clanged against the bridge. A new school year meant football trials. His dad was in charge of Year 8 soccer. Wednesday was crunch day. The trials. You re lucky. Lucky..!? He jerked round. I don t think so! Your dad ll put you in goal. Exactly! I can t understand why anyone in their right mind should want to be a goalie. Thomas crouched, goalie stance. You get plenty of time on your own... on a good day. Great! He sneered. To daydream you re somebody else, somewhere more exciting. Goal-keeping is a specialist job. What - and playing midfield, defence or up-front isn t? OK, but at least goalies don t have to run around, non-stop, the entire match. That s true. Ashley pretended to dribble an imaginary ball. Is that the best you can come up with?
9 Thomas scratched his head. Only the goalie gets to wear psychedelic shirts with padded elbows. He chuckled. And gloves! Yeah, see! What s so bad about goal-keeping? The standing around, for starters, said Ashley. It can get very cold. Thomas nodded. Sometimes a goalie has to stop himself from getting bored, said Ashley. When all of it s happening down the other end, he needs to keep his mind on the game. You have to be able to keep your eye on the ball. You have to be able to coax yourself. You often have to quickly switch from relaxed to ready for action. And you need to be thick-skinned - a hostile opposition crowd behind you, hating you, willing you to mess up, has got to be one of the scariest things. It s a tough job! Yeah, but somebody s got to do it. Tapping his imaginary ball, Ashley flipped it up. A goalie is the focus of much hatred and little love. I read that. You re blamed for letting in goals, often blamed for losing the match, but when do you get credit for saves? It s a tough job alright. It s tough, it s thankless and I don t want to do it! He made as if to strike the imaginary ball. Thomas feigned a save. Dodging past him, he took off, running towards the fence. Come on! Where you going? The broken fence-post, he yelled, let s drop a piece of concrete! It was heavy. A fat lump of rock with a twisted rusty core. The two boys shuffled, grunting and puffing. One... Two... Three... Raaah! Ka-PLOSH! That was... Yeeeeah! The ripples spread. Reaching the bridge, they were almost too small to see. He thinks I m fat and useless, said Ashley.
10 What? Dad - he s always pushed me into playing goal - says I haven t got the physique to play anywhere else. Thanks to him having a word with Mr Saddler, goal is where I ended up all last year. And now... Fat? Thomas lifted up his jersey. Show me! I ve got more than you. Glancing at Thomas, he eased up his shirt. See! jeered Thomas, extending his belly. You ve got nothing! I should be the one in goal! Dad doesn t see things that way. That s because you re good. Because he made me. He slapped his stomach. It isn t where I want to be. I d love to be in your boots. You reckon? Ashley shook his head. You wouldn t, believe me. Anyway, there s nothing to stop you. You ve got the skills. You think so? I know so. You just need to prove it - get noticed. Thomas dropped his gaze. Would you put in a word for me? I ll have a go. But, to be honest, Dad only sees and hears what he wants. You ve got to put yourself forward. You d do better talking to him yourself.
11 3 Trials and Tribulations Come on, at the back there - pick up those feet! Get a move on. Shift! Ashley willed his legs to go faster. They ached. Ahead, a ribbon of boys pounded past the corner flag. Lanky Rawlinson was way out in front, stretching his lead with an easy stride. Ashley himself was somewhere in the back third. A handful of stragglers panted and wheezed behind him. He could feel Dad s eyes. The last three, bellowed Dad, from the centre of the pitch, get to run the whole thing again. How s that for an incentive! Boys murmured and groaned. The pace quickened. Ashley glanced round. Thomas, normally faster than him on long distances, was near the back, his face screwed up with pain. Only Ganesh, Fritch and Lees were behind him. Sunday s mammoth game appeared to have really done him in. Come on, you saps! yelled his dad. Come on, you crisp-eating, cokeswilling, couch-potatoes. Move it!
12 One final length of the pitch to go. Now was the moment to squeeze out a finishing spurt. Arms pumping, lungs gasping, Ashley drove his legs faster. And faster. Aaagh! Ashley Grant! Don t give up, boy. You can t stop there. Aagh! The pain in his stomach was searing; too tight to straighten up. He remained bent over as muddy boots thundered past. You haven t finished! Dad s voice was furious. He was close. It s to the goal-post. I can t! No such word. Ashley slowly straightened. Sorry, he grunted. It s really bad stitch. Dad s face darkened in a scowl. Stitch! he hissed, murderously, I ll give you stitch! Pain stabbed like a knife in the gut. Ashley hobbled, winced and gritted his teeth. He tried again. Pathetic! Whine and whinge all you like, Dad shoved him from behind. You ll finish like all the others. I ll not have you embarrass me in this manner! When you reach the goal post, you can set off round again. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. All the way round, Ashley kept himself going by trying to imagine really embarrassing things happening to his dad. His shorts elastic snapping for example and him tripping and landing face first in the mud, bum exposed. You could understand someone being embarrassed about that. If that happened, a little rage would be forgivable. Only when he reached the posts at the furthest end of the pitch did the stitch start to fade. It had been torture. Dad had not, as threatened, made three boys run again. Just him. Just to double the humiliation. The rest of the boys had been divided into groups and now, under Dad s watchful gaze, they dribbled back and forth and ran through skills routines. Ashley caught Thomas s eye as he staggered to a halt. gave a discreet and sympathetic shrug. Right - that s enough! Gather round, lads... chop-chop!...gather round!
13 Ashley slumped on the wet grass with the others. Surprise, surprise. It didn t look like he was going to be given a chance to prove his skills. OK. Rawlinson...? Sir? Right wing. Sir. Adams. Sir? Take the left. Yes, Sir. Barnett Sir? Where do you normally play, Barnett? Right back, Sir. That s you, then. Thank you, sir. Don t thank me - just prove yourself worthy, Barnett, that s all I ask. Yes, sir. The names and positions rolled on. OK. That just leaves the reserves to pick - Dad peered at his clipboard, - and goalie. Anybody unhappy so far with what they ve got? Anyone feel they ve been unfairly left out? Ashley glanced around. Thomas was keeping his eyes down. Sir... What can I do for you, Grant? He swallowed and met his father s gaze. I d like a chance to trial as a forward... sir. A forward, eh? His father s eyes flitted over the watchful faces. Forwards need to be able to run. There were a few titters. A dark smile curled his father s lips. You had your chance, Grant. I got stitch, sir. He got stitch!
14 This time the titters were louder. Grant, a boy of your fitness should think himself lucky to even be considered for the team. Don t you think? Laughter. Ashley dropped his head, face and ears burning. Anyone else? No? Right, let s deal with the goalie and reserves. He caught Thomas s eye. Sir... Thomas s voice wavered. Who s that? Me, sir. Thomas waved half-heartedly. Ah, yes. Moffat, isn t it? Yes, sir. Thomas grinned. Don t smirk like an idiot, Moffat. What is it? I... Thomas lowered his head. I d like to try for goal, sir. What was that? It s no good whispering to the grass. Sorry, Mister Grant - sir... I said I d like to try for goal, sir. Goal, Moffat? Would you, indeed? Yes, sir. If that s OK. If that s OK! Credentials? What, sir? Credentials, Moffat. What experience do you have in that position? You mean like in teams, sir? Yes, Moffat - like in teams. None, really, sir. I was reserve last year, sir, with Mr Saddler. Were you, indeed. Well I see no reason to question Mr Saddler s judgment. You ll stay where I put you. He glanced at his clipboard. Left-back. Grant will start in goal. But should anything happen to him, Moffat, you will be our reserve. Anyone else got any questions? Ashley stared at his boots and chewed his lip. Good. I take it that means everyone s happy.
15 4 Hard to Swallow Eat up your toast, Ashley, honey. Mum poured a mug of tea and placed it beside his plate. I m not hungry. That s not like you, pumpkin. Breakfast is important. We must all eat to keep our strength up through the day. Dad s newspaper twitched. Ashley shifted uncomfortably. Is something wrong, darling? Placing both her hands on his shoulders, Mum began rubbing and squeezing. It felt soothing... She worked her way up to his neck. If something s troubling you, you must tell your mamma. Dad lowered his paper and glared. Mum...! Shrugging away her hands, Ashley reached for the toast. Dad made a loud throat-clearing, coughing noise.
16 Mum lifted her eyebrows. Yes, mih dear? She retreated into Jamaican at the slightest hint of tension. Dad frowned. Just... He exhaled with a grumpy sigh. Just let the boy get on, or they ll be late for school. Yeah. Laurena smirked. Get a move on, Ash. Ashley stared at his toast. In spite of the butter and honey, it tasted dry. He was chewing, but he couldn t swallow. Scowling at Laurena, he took a swig of tea. And gulped. I m not happy... Ashley? Mum put down her tea. Not happy? Laurena stifled a snigger. Dad folded his paper. Sorry, did I miss something? What did he say? He said he s not happy. Laurena mocked with pitiful eyes. Ashley twisted his fingers. Not happy? Dad lent forward. I m... I don t think... Ashley was afraid to meet Dad s gaze. I don t think the trials were fair. Dad s frown deepened. Is that right? Ashley nodded. Well, I m keen to hear your explanation... A slight sneer curled his lip....especially, given my own son is one of those I ve picked. The thing is... Ashley cleared his throat. I m as good a player up-front as half those you picked. But I didn t get chance to prove it. Across the table, Mum fixed Dad with an inquisitive gaze. He shrugged dismissively. As I recall, everyone was given the same chance. Ashley fell at the first hurdle. I had stitch! Ashley... Dad shook his head. Ashley, the modern game is, above all things, about stamina and pace. At the end of the run, you came in last. If I d chosen you as a forward over one of your team-mates, he chuckled scornfully, I might rightly have been accused of poor judgment and favouritism. But -
17 No buts. Dad cut him off. Your goal-keeping skills are proven. But, don t forget - your friend Moffat is more than keen to jump into your boots. You should be grateful I didn t choose him. Grateful! Ashley snatched a glance at Mum. Mih sure what im say is for the best. Ashley s a wannabe striker, Mum. A wolf in sheep s clothing, aren t you Ash? Laurena nudged his foot under the table. Underneath that soft exterior, lurks a beast! Dad and Laurena grinned at each other across the table, sharing the joke. He s a goalie. The team s goalie. That s good. Mum patted Ashley s hand. Goalie s what you re good at, isn t it? It s not all I m good at! Blood thumped in his ears. It s not what I want to be! He had to let the pressure out, his head was going to burst. Dad s never given me a chance. He looked Dad in the eye. You always say goalie s all I m good for, but I ll show you! He kicked hard, under the table. Laurena screamed. Ashley snatched up his school bag and stormed from the table. He kicked me, Dad, he deliberately kicked me. Ashley! I can feel it - it s going to be a whopping great bruise. Ashley! Get back in here this minute and apologise! Slamming the front door, Ashley hurried down the path.
18 5 School and After Grant!? Yes, miss? Grant, are you off with the fairies? Sorry, miss? No, miss. You could at least try to look as if you re paying attention. It d been the same all day: staring into space; zero concentration. In his head, endless re-runs of the football trials and the clash at breakfast. Over and over. He couldn t seem to shake it off. Dad had been so unfair. But, of course he was always right. When had it ever been different? As for Laurena, Ashley smiled to himself. The kick under the table had been long overdue. Dad adored her and she sucked up to him. It was pathetic. She could get away with murder. In arguments or disputes, she and Dad always sided together, against him. They were forever mocking him, teasing him and putting him down.
19 Mum was kind of his ally, but she didn t like arguments and believed in turning the other cheek. His battles were his own. He had to prove himself, alone. He d spied Dad and Laurena driving into the staff car park just a few minutes before school. Dad had looked stormy. Avoiding them both at breaktimes had been easy enough, but he d been growing more and more tense as the day went by. To walk off like that, with Dad ordering him back! If Dad came and called him out of class for a talking to, he would die of embarrassment. Sooner or later, he was going to have to face him. He stared at his watch and counted seconds to the bell. Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrng! You can t say I didn t try... Ashley patted Thomas on the back. You did alright. He s fierce! Tell me about it! Anyone d think he d fallen out of bed - on the wrong side! That s everyday Dad - that s what I have to put up with. As they reached the school gates, he spotted his sister up the road with a group of her girlfriends. Thomas threw him a sympathetic look. Good luck, he said, sheepishly. Ashley tried to smile. Thanks. I ll need it. Laurena hadn t noticed him. She and her friends were far too preoccupied. Gathered in a huddle, they chattered, fiddled with their hair and adjusted their clothing. Jabbering and jostling each other, every few seconds they burst into loud fits of giggles. As he approached, the source of their excitement became apparent - across the road, dressed in jeans and jackets, a group of older boys were tapping a football back and forth. Oh, here s your little brother! Laurena s eye s flashed. My big bother, don t you mean! The girls laughed. He scowled.
20 We re just chatting, said Laurena, girl s talk. Her friends giggled and nudged each other. You ll have to hang around a minute. Ashley shrugged. Okay. The girls turned their backs. He propped himself against the fence and watched. Across the road, the ball was being kept in the air. The older boys were trying to be skilful, hoping the girls would be impressed. Laurena and her friends weren t interested in the football. The one with the wide shoulders is nice! No! The one with the curly hair - he s gorgeous! Look! He stared. The boy his sister had described, balanced the ball lightly on the end of his foot, flicked it up and headed it. It was Cas! Yo! Cas waved. Alright, mate. The ball soared over the girls heads. Dropping his bag, Ashley stepped away from the fence, side-stepped and caught it on his chest. He bounced the ball from one knee to the other. The girls turned to watch. Getting his foot under, he whacked it full power. It rocketed upwards, slowed and began its descent. Cas and his mates whistled and cheered. The ball dropped like a stone, landing, from its great height, right between them. Yeah! Nice! Laurena and her friends giggled and huddled once again. Ashley froze. A familiar red Fiat was nosing its way out through the school gates. Dad glared through the windscreen. The horn sounded, impatiently. See you, Cas. Waving across the road, he broke into a trot. The wave came back. Yeah. Laters, mate. Laters! For once, he didn t mind the fact that Laurena had nabbed the front seat. Being out of sight, tucked away behind Dad, there was a chance he might avoid attention. Dad stared out through his window. Cas and his friends were now chatting across the street to the girls.
21 Dad! Laurena shrank into her seat. You re not going to say anything are you? Somebody has to do something, said Dad. Those boys aren t from Kirkham. It s a free country, said Laurena. Dad grunted. We can t have their type hanging around the school gates. You can see they re up to no good - shouting from street corners, laughing and kicking a football about. I m sorry, but I have a duty. Dad pulled into the curb between Laurena s friends and the group of boys. In the back, Ashley tried to make himself invisible. Dad s window whined and whirred, sliding its way down into the door. Cas and his friends stared irritably at the car that was interrupting their conversation. Excuse me. Dad s voice sounded particularly loud and pompous. These girls have homes to go to and homework to do. You probably have homes to go to too. The boys looked at one another and smirked. Are you offering us a lift? said Cas. No! snapped Dad. I am not. Boys your age should know better than to play football in the street. We were just having a bit of fun, said Cas. He picked up the ball and smiled. You re right, mister, we were setting a bad example to younger kids - none of us stopped to think. There s better places to play. Cas s smile, Ashley realised, was now directed at him. He grinned back. We have a game every Sunday, kick-off s at two, anyone can join us. Dad nodded. The trouble is, sometimes, between games, we get the itch to kick. Cas eyed the ball. Know what I mean? I m really sorry, I ll make sure it doesn t happen again. Dad stared, at a loss, apparently, for something to say. The boys stared back. Very good, said Dad, finally. He revved the engine. The car lurched up the street. Ashley was thrown against the seat. Laurena glanced back at him and winked.
22 6 St Joseph s Run with it! Ashley s breath condensed in great clouds. He balled a fist, clasping it and smacking it with his other hand. That had been his first real slipup. Why had he punched the ball? Why, when he could have made a snatch? The midfield had been letting ball after ball through, the pressure had been mounting this half; he was tiring. He had to concentrate. Next time it could be fatal. His team-mates, in their black and yellow, were charging into the opposition half. Come on now, Kirkham! Give it all you ve got! Give it ALL YOU VE GOT! Dad raced along the touchline, waving his arms and bellowing, like a man chased by bees. What the blazes are you waiting for, Hughes? From a great ball by Trease, Hughes the human dynamo now thundered up the middle, well into the other half and still rolling. Purple-shirted opposition converged from all sides.
23 Man on, Hughes! Dad hopped and flapped. Pass it, boy. PASS the blasted thing. Too late! Another opportunity wasted. Ashley blew on his gloved hands. The moment of lost possession was a dangerous time. Now purple shirts appeared on both wings. Purple shirts burst through the middle. Outflanked and wrong-footed, Kirkham were caught on the run. Trease, his long legs striding, shouted orders to retreat. Get back, you idiots. Tackle him, somebody! From the touchline, his father yelled, hands cupped to mouth. Come on, Trease! Moffat, do your job! Ashley crouched and waited. Come on, St Joseph s! Come on! Their tall centre-forward had the ball. He had taken more than his fair share of shots this game, three of them on target and tricky to save. Thomas matched him for height, but not speed, Ian Barnett matched neither; the earlier efforts of the two defenders had not been promising. Barnett was hanging back and looking the wrong way. Go out to meet him, Barny! Ashley shooed, frantically. Go on - tackle! The attacker had options on both flanks, and four team-mates immediately behind. Ashley glanced at the boy s face. Which way was he going? He planned to take it all the way. Barny s sliding tackle was desperately half-hearted. The centre-forward ploughed on, barging Thomas aside. Ashley glued his eyes to the ball. This was one-on-one. Just a few short minutes away from a clean sweep. It s all down to you, Grant! Take the initiative. The centre-forward swerved. Too late! Make him go left! Side-stepping right, Ashley slapped his gloves and growled. Bosh! Jet-propelled, the ball curved in towards the left. He dived. Saved! Barny ran over with both thumbs up. Sorry. Thomas shrugged. He was going flat out.
24 Don t worry about it! Ashley waved him away. It s their corner. Come on, mark up! Come on! Purple shirts flooded the penalty area. Come on, Kirkham! Dad ran up towards the corner flag. Everyone back! Just a couple of minutes left. We re holding on to this one. Players pushed and jostled for space. Hughes. Ashley beckoned the centre-back. Take the far post. St Joseph s left-winger paced back for the run up. Don t let me down! yelled Dad. Ashley - I m counting on you! I know you are. The ball floated up, curving out over the players at the edge of the box. He sprinted......leapt......and clasped it with both hands. Grunting players crashed into him from all sides. He fell, folding himself around the ball. Colliding bodies tumbled on top. Blasts on the whistle had never sounded so beautiful. Played, Ash. You saved our bacon. Thomas put out his hand. Ashley slapped it. Thanks... He smiled. Just doing my job. You deserve a medal. Hughes patted him on the back. Acting over and above the cause of duty! Yeah, you did alright, said Trease. It s a shame the same can t be said for the rest. Ashley shrugged. Let s see what sir has to say. Sprawled chattering on benches, Kirkham dragged off sodden shirts and mud-caked boots. One-nil. Dad took up his favourite stance - middle of the room, arms folded. The team fell silent. Turning slowly, he eyed them one-by-one. What do we have to say about that? He fixed on Trease. We didn t deserve the win, sir. Trease lowered his eyes. We could have done a lot better. If it hadn t been for Ashley - Ah, yes! Dad cut him off. Ashley. Dad turned. Bit of a disaster, punching it away earlier. What!? What about the saves!
25 Dad glowered. Too slow off the mark. You very nearly lost us our lead. I expect better. Still... He held out his arms and turned in a gesture of embrace to the rest of the team. A rare smile brightened his face. We re through to the next round, lads. And, at the end of the day, that s what counts! Trease, well played! Rawlinson, Man of the Match for that goal. Now, get in those showers and scrub! I ll see you back on the coach. Ashley made a thumbs-up to Rawlinson. The goal had been much needed. A lucky break though, rather than something special. Or was that sour grapes? Beneath his blond fringe, Rawlinson grinned back. You did alright, Ash. Your old man s out of order.
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text:
Team CRI have just launched Swarajya! Check it out!
Click here to know more
(All characters are purely fictional. Any similarities between them and real individuals is possibly because of reader's bias. We can confirm that author does not watch Indian news channel)
Everyone and their granny has damning opinions on….well everyone else and their grannies. In such vitiated atmosphere, one worked-up Sikh, Mr.Harbinger Singh (the only one in this piece to be prefixed with "Mr") seemed to be the best orator among the non-BJP populace in and around the Parliament. He thought of taking on inflation, price-rise and corruption with his bare hands. Well, he literally did and ended up depositing his finger prints rather forcefully on the cheek of Shared Power, the Maratha "strongman" (for having withstood that resounding exposition of Newton's F=ma on his cheek).
In my capacity as a leading opinion-maker, I happened to meet a few high flying chaps to ask 'how they felt' in true media ishtyle, about this incident and its ramifications.
After much tracking down, the former future Prime Minister Ra.Howl Ghandy was found, not in a beggar colony in Delhi or Mumbai, but in the still-in-one-piece Indian state of UP, putting his feet up at a desolate Dalit home. The Dalit inmates were amused at a white bird's egg like structure (a Western-style toilet made of pure "Italian" marble installed for Ra.Howl's convenience).
Out of nowhere, Ra.Howl's personal security guards, Harp-Pee-Hen Singh and Pro-Mode Thieve-ari pounced on me. Kicks and shouts ensued till they were convinced my black shirt wasn't a black flag and finally allowed me to approach Ra.Howl.
Me: Why did your security guards behave like goons?
Ra.Howl: Hindu terrorism is the biggest threat to me and Diggy uncle. Why take a chance? My security roughs up everyone who approaches me. 99% of terrorist strikes can be stopped that way.
Me: Your feelings about the 'Shared Power slap' incident?
Ra.Howl: There is a work that my father had started, a dream he had dreamt. I come to you today saying…allow me to turn that dream into reality………..
I scooted off before he could get all Palin-esque. Atleast Palin is a woman.
Then I met the secular liberal Diva-in-Chief Bakra Datta after one of her We-The-Pimp-le shows. Strangely, she was sporting a bindi (Yes. That Yindoo symbol of female oppression).
Me: Ma'am, why a bindi suddenly?
Bakra: You know this Marwadi SiriMed. I'm showing her she's not the only Pakistani who has the guts to wear a bindi.
Me: Oh. Anyway. CRI folks want your reaction on Shared Power slap incident. Tell me what to tell them.
Bakra: I've heard that somewhere. (Staring at her mobile phone) Hmmm….. Never mind. These intolerant trolls, you know. We've created a rowdy society where one cannot discuss cabinet berths in peace without abuse from trolls. I'm sure this man who slapped Power was a twitter troll gone violent. This is why I block all of them.
Me: Ma'am. Ever thought of this huge irony staring you in the face? You were the biggest real life troll during Gujarat 2112 riots. You've been blocked in real life by Man-endra Modi for the same.
Bakra: (Giving that 'I was at Kargil, you know' look) You're blocked now and beneath my contempt.
Next I thought of meeting the 'made exactly for each other' couple Raj-Beep Turd-esai and Fagarika Hose. As I entered their studio, I saw that Fagarika was on her F-the-Nation show, running 'divine encroacher' Rama's war with Ravana live. Since she was busy, I went looking for Raj-Beep. I found him with a couple of half empty Old Monk-ey bottles and the Twitter app on his iPad open. Realizing he was in one of his murderous Good-Night moods, I tiptoed back to the safety of the road where other drunk guys looked a lot less perilous.
It was my lucky day though. PAnna Baja-re, the anti-corruption crusader had just come back from his village for another fast, to the national rape-it-all Seal-ah Dig-Shit's Dilli. I requested for a short interview which he accepted.
Me: First of all, I want to commend you on the "Ek hi maara?" question on the Shared Power slap incident. It cracked me up. What a way to humiliate!
PAnna Baja-re: Thanks. I thought that comment would be apt for breaking my mauna-vrat. Cage-ri-Ball, my aide, sadly told me to withdraw it and issue a customary condemnation of the slap.
Me: Sad. Why doesn't Cage-ri-Ball let you use your foot freely around your oral orifice?
PAnna Baja-re: Ah. He's a control-freak. But he has his uses. Anyway. You look very tired. My secular buddy Imam Bukhari's just next door. Can I ask him to get some Sherbet for you?
Me: Yes please. I've had a tiring day. Just saw the Old Monk-ey guzzling Raj-Beep Turd-esai and hoped he would serve a couple of drinks, but it was not to be.
PAnna Baja-re: (Gives that village rustic stare and rolls up his sleeves) Did you drink there?
Me: No. Raj-Beep was drinking though.
PAnna Baja-re: (Takes out his phone and makes a call) Arey Cage-ri-Ball beta… I forgot to get my wooden club from the village. Will you please get that here for me? Also, check if there are poles near Raj-Beep Turd-esai's home, please.
(Image Courtesy-Flipkart)
Suhas Ambale
Latest posts by Suhas Ambale (see all)
- Hindustan or Hindistan – which one is it? - June 19, 2014
- The Smriti Irani controversy, HRD ministry and intellectual honesty - June 6, 2014
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text: Very excited to be releasing the first cypher for the XXL 2013 Freshmen Class. This first one features Joey Badass, Action Bronson, Ab-Soul and Travis Scott. We went for an extra crunchy, hard look this year and only because of our great crew/post-team were able to bring it to the screen.


text:
This lesson in bottleneck/slide guitar details the powerful techniques that put Mike Dowling in high demand as a Nashville session guitarist. Taking examples from traditional blues as well as his own compositions, Mike explores often-overlooked tricks of the trade that will make even the simplest lines sound musical. Playing primarily in open D tuning, Mike teaches Mean Ol' Frisco, Stranger Here, Boogie Woogie Dance, Swamp Dog Blues and Jan's Song. Early intermediate level. 110-minutes.
- Size: 7.50" x 5.30"
- Author: "Mike Dowling"


text:
The Ritual Slaughter of Gorge Mastromas ★★
Dennis Kelly
Red Stitch Actors Theatre
Until March 7
He might have co-written the upbeat Matilda the Musical with Tim Minchin but British playwright Dennis Kelly's plays are a different kettle of fish altogether. They're often much darker and The Ritual Sacrifice of Gorge Mastromas is no exception.
A long but potted biography of the title character is shared between a five-actor chorus (Dion Mills, Elizabeth Nabben, Richard Cawthorne, Jordan Fraser-Trumble and Olga Makeeva). It hones in on moments of moral quandary, where an ordinary young man, Gorge Mastromas, is given a chance to harm another to his own advantage. He refuses repeatedly – whether from virtue or cowardice is, as the chorus never ceases to remind us, an open question.
The mode of storytelling switches from telling to showing, as Gorge (Cawthorne) makes a Faustian pact that transforms him from mild-mannered mediocrity into one of the masters of the universe. All it takes is being willing to lie unscrupulously, to have no compunction about shafting people, and to regret nothing.
As Gorge weaves an amoral web of deceit, his newfound narcissism pays massive dividends in money and love. But as with all such deals with the devil, there's a hidden price to be paid.
Unusually for the company, this Red Stitch production doesn't quite get the measure of the piece, nor arrive at a coherent and compelling performance style. The recitation is accomplished, the actors' chorus dynamic, but the intensity falls away when the play moves into more traditional (which is not to say naturalistic) representation.
Cawthorne isn't charismatic or grotesque enough as Gorge and doesn't manage to channel the metamorphosis from diffident dogsbody to avatar of capitalism with much conviction. The characters he alienates are more successful: Nabben's speechless horror, Mills' unswerving resentment, Fraser-Trumble's violent pity all hit the mark without having a great deal to play off.
Mark Wilson's direction doesn't carve out the space, style and rhythm required to make these scenes pulse with whatever post-Brechtian dark side of the force they need to avoid seeming trite and earnest. What remains, alas, is overlong didactic theatre flattened by a want of presence and sophistication.


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