text:
Ambiguously Happily Gay Forever
By: Seravy
Dedicated to: Nagumo
Merry Late Christmas to you. This is SO for you, Miss Chie fan. Otherwise, I'd never have written a Aoi/Chie fic
Takes place before the start of the series
Takarazuka Revue (taken from wikipedia). All female dancing troupe. Part of the novelty of Takarazuka is that all the parts are played by women, like a mirror-image of kabuki. The women who play male parts are referred to as otokoyaku (literally "male role") and those who play female parts are called musumeyaku (literally "daughter role"). The costume and set designs are incredibly lavish, and the performances are melodramatically emotional. Most fans of Takarazuka are female. (For more information, wiki it. I didn't put the link here directly because it showed up funny.)
Aoi was plain. There was nothing exquisite or obviously grotesque like brilliant baby blue eyes with shades of green or a belly the size of Utah from years of beer, delivered greasy foods and hours in front of the television. Her eyes were where eyes should be: They were a common deep brown. A nose was where a nose usually was and a mouth that was neither Julia Roberts nor the tiny drawn lips of geishas. She had all four limbs, all functioning, with some degree of chest, neither lacking nor overwhelming, neither chubby nor skinny and like all girls, had, at some point, complained about her thighs and calves being too big. On the subject of hair, she had long hair until midway down her back, and like most people, had good hair days and bad hair days, better days when conditioned, but never a focus in conversation.
Even her personality had mastered invisibility, mostly due to a high unintentional degree of conformity. She worshipped seasonal idols, gushed over cute things, watched the latest soap operas religiously and had a wish list that could span the equator. She was also in the cooking club (basic non-fatal taste and appearance could be achieved no problem) and had minimal coordination and athletic ability as was acceptable for girls. Her intellectual level was average as measured by her mediocre grades. Like most people, Aoi enjoyed a certain amount of gossip, especially the excitement of announcing fresh hot news. Her reliable source usually guaranteed her this privilege. Even though her family was neither powerful nor rich, food on the table, good high school and university education was not a problem for all three children of the Senous (Aoi was the middle child). Common looks also played a large part of this invisibility; She didn't have "character" or "attitude" as society seems to have a difficult time separating beauty and personality.
All in all, everything together made her comfortable to look at, the senses effortlessly gliding by her like floor numbers on an elevator. If one had to compare her to a living object, it would be the cheery neighborhood girl who everybody liked but never noticed until a scandal erupts. For an adjective, she would be "nice" and "friendly", descriptive words commonly separated and misinterpreted. Perhaps a more appropriate definition would be "When one is neither a threat nor a target for jealousy or envy, and is therefore easily approachable. Being not a head-turning beauty, one would rely on smiles and a certain amount of interpersonal skills when talking to others as not to be "leftovers" in group/pair class activities. Contextual usefulness determines the degree of 'nice' and 'friendly'. Outward displays of confrontational competitiveness are a definite no-no."
One thing special about Aoi though was her beautiful smile. This facial expression combined with language's subjectivity allows viewers to comment on this trait without violating a social ideal. (Note: to be used in conjunction with "nice" and "friendly".)
If only they knew that this girl was not only special but better than they were. If only they knew her as Harada Chie did.
To Chie, Aoi was the way she was because she chose it. She liked gossip but never attempted to deny it behind modesty. She openly envied and admired beautiful things and people without secret jealousy. She liked and disliked people with tact and the precious characteristic of consistency. It was never behind someone's back. She abided to social rules but not when it conflicted with what she believed in.
Aoi was not common. She was brave, bold and honest. And Chie loved her for it.
Yes, as the stereotype went, the tomboy is the gay girl so Chie wasn't surprised when she realized that she was in love with her best friend. In fact, from her large vault of experience and observation, every lesbian had to go through a "best-friend phase", better known as "Bitch-of-a-Phase": a long term crush (lasting between six months to two decades) that shall never be verbalized and always end in disappointment with said-love interest ending up with some loser 93.4 percent of the time (plus or minus 5 percent margin of error).
Not-so-rational and selfless acts of kindness that could get expensive over the years, sneaking peaks when lesbian thinks straight best friend isn't looking and sexual fantasies which begin with best friend confessing that she couldn't get lesbian out of her head are common syndromes. Best friend also tend to have poor choice in men leaving lesbian with one or all of these following thoughts in retrospect: a) "What the fuck did I ever see in her?!" b) "I was such an idiot!" c) "Why the hell is she still with that ass and never batted an eye at me!"(insert things that lesbian had done for former best friend over the course of their broken friendship compared to the things that "ass" had done).
However, should one find herself in this situation, Chie advocates the questioning lesbian to cut loses early for very good emotional, psychological and economical reasons. There are other ways to be initiated into lesbian-hood without the side effects of the BFP. E.g. Shoujo ai and yuri anime, manga and fanfics. Going to drag-king clubs and cafes. Have crushes on hot female teachers/professors. Flirting with random girls who you'd never see again and therefore not have to worry about embarrassing oneself or being rejected. In the event that lesbian meets girl again, alcohol and weed are your alibi. Cocaine, E, "that time of the month" and birth control pills are not recommended excuses.
Alas, we digress. This is a Chie/Aoi fic after all.
Looking back, her first clue was in kindergarten when she always played the male leads in role play games. None of the other girls wanted to be the "prince", "dad" or "cowboy". So, Chie stepped up to the unwanted parts and enjoyed every moment of it. Saving princesses from evil stepmothers was her specialty.
The only part that she hated to play was the "evil prince (never a witch by the way) who kidnaps the princess and gets defeated by the good prince". She always felt she played the part of the brave handsome prince better than any boy in her class but in the rare occasion when her friends were able to get one of them to join, boy ABC would be chosen to play the good prince instead of her, the seasoned professional.
Disaster would ensue and it always ended with intense hostility between girls and boys. After all, Prince Charming could hardly be considered charming when he was constantly yelling at the princess or giving her the cold shoulder and was more interested in gutting evil's minions than saving his destined beloved. However, even with all these past mistakes, boy ABC, who couldn't make her lady swoon half as good as she, got to be the "good prince".
Once, fed up with the boys ruining the game, Chie advocated herself to play the good prince the next time the girls were somehow able to get a few boys to join. Kisaragi Junko, the cutest girl in first grade, laughed and explained to her, nay, lectured her, as if it was the most natural thing in this world, that only boys could be good princes. It felt silly that she even had to explain the logic behind her solution. The boys get to fight and leave whenever the action was done and the girls get their charming handsome prince (her). It was win-win. But all she got was the same sentence being repeated back to her. For the next three days, Chie refused to play with her friends during recess. She was so certain that she was right.
The class play of "Snow White" proved her wrong though. Chie was positive that she would be chosen to play the male lead. After all, all the girls who played with her always complimented at how convincing she was and how they felt their hearts beat faster whenever she smiled or proposed to them on one knee. In the end, though, nobody mentioned her name, much less vote for her. Instead, boy ABC, one of the worst destructors of their role-play games, was chosen. It was then that Chie learned: Boys were princes who always get the princess. Even when they do a crappy job.
She was nothing but a substitute. A girl could never take the place of a real boy. It was the only way for one to love a woman. Movies, Kitakawa-sensei, after school and Saturday cartoons and late night soap operas that she snuck out of bed to watch until she was caught, said so too.
At seven years old, Chie hated being a girl. She wanted to be a boy. Besides, she made a more handsome boy than beautiful girl anyways. Her face wasn't soft like most girls' were nor did she have the popular "big innocent eyes". Instead, she had a more contoured face, a sharp chin, and a straight narrow nose. Her lips were in no way luscious or soft. Instead, they were thin and a little on the wide side. But it was through these very lips that she was able to perfect her evil half smile that she always practiced right after a shower in front of the mirror with her wet hair slicked back. The smile was composed of 30 percent confidence, 30 percent danger and 40 percent "You know you can't resist me" with the eyes narrowed just the right amount. So, convinced by her new revelation, she started to talk like a boy, act like a boy and dress like a boy. This earned her the label "tomboy" and she was fine with that. Chie got to play a game of soccer with the boys whenever she wanted to. The girls welcomed her as their champion whenever they couldn't get boys to join.
This all went well until junior high when the games became so much more complex. Respectively, the socially defined categories of "boys" and "girls" became more demanding as well. This control that everyone seemed to accept so effortlessly manifested into almost all aspects of her life and Chie found herself unable to keep up. Boys cannot be friends with girls. The two sexes could only interact through the activity of "dating". Boys were supposed to be obsessed with cars and sports. Girls should be obsessed about their weight and boys. Boys were supposed to be strong, sturdy and unemotional. Girls should be verbal, gentle and graceful. Boys were-- boys were—boys were—Girls should—Girls should—Girls should--- all these phrases that she was forced to sort out and obey and shun exhausted her. It was no longer fun.
She wanted to be friends with other girls too. Not just because the girl could be a princess for a prince. While she was fairly coordinated and athletic, Chie could never sit and watch "the game" or follow a baseball team religiously. She didn't want to work out just to be buff with the constant need to prove how "macho" she was on a daily basis.
To be a real boy, she would have to give up her love of poetry, cooking, and Takarazuka. (Later on, investigative work) She would have to hate her own body (which was endowed with impressive "assets" much to her own surprise) which she didn't. It was a bloody war between masculinity and femininity where neither side was winning except a third secret enemy.
By the end of her first year in middle school, Chie didn't want to be a boy anymore. In fact, she never did. She only did it so she could be the prince who gets the princess. Her short hair and choice of clothing were simply a preference. Even when she flirted with girls, she enjoyed it as a girl (just not one of those girly girls) and not as a masculine "manly" man.
Worst of all, she found herself unable to leave this vicious cycle for it was also in middle school that Chie realized how sacrilegious her identity was. She was neither a boy nor a girl and everywhere she went, the world, angry at its inability to place her in one of its dichotomic categories, punished her. Her mother and relatives constantly badgered her to be more like a girl. Boys accepted her yet never treated her as a girl. Girls were friendly on the whole but she knew that they shunned her in their inner circles. And somehow, nonconformity to one thing always associated one with other forms of deviation. In this case, her sexuality, the latest curious question faced by middle-school students. It was here that she finally learned of her proper label and all the shame that came with it.
The talks behind her back and the blatant questioning from her friends pained and embarrassed her until her "do-I-give-a-damn" meter no longer registered these annoying buzzes.
Instead, Chie found a way to survive and exist by floating from clique to clique. Her new discovered talent at uncovering secrets and rumours made her a welcomed stranger to these unstable groups. With this new lifestyle, she gained a new understanding of people and the forces that were even bigger than themselves. It was like reading a map or watching earth from space. The view was encompassing, enlightening and disenchanting. All the while, her secret, her "unnatural" attraction to women, was safe. The methods of society taught her how to use words and moments of flirtation to slide by interrogation. She was a free spirit while everybody else slaved in their designated roles.
To indulge her secret, Chie would make use of the love letters (all from girls) found in her locker every now and then. Even though she wasn't near the bishounen level characterized by men like Kanzaki Reito, she was handsome and charming enough to garner a few admirers of her own. Sometimes, she'd accept their confessions. These relationships never went far and served as a device for passing time and a moment's thrill for both parties.
Senou Aoi didn't come into the picture until half way through her third year of middle school. Chie had just recently joined this clique, a group of girls characterized by similar economical backgrounds and a few common interests. At first, Senou Aoi was just a name along with three others. All five of them "hung out", went out on weekends, did typical "girly" things. It didn't matter who was who. … until the day that Senou Aoi showed her true colours.
They were supposed to meet outside on a patch of grass at the science building for lunch. She was running late because of a rumoured brawl between two FiH! (Fujino-sama is hawt!) devotees. Chie had accidentally-on-purpose eavesdropped on their conversation after verifying the incident and its causes (a verbal disagreement over the ownership of a memo note that said "Ten copies, please" penned by Fujino Shizuru herself). After all, it was important to keep track of public opinion in order to judge her departure time and search for new friendship "motels". A couple of girls talked about her boyish looks which immediately had them whispering with curious repulse. "Harada Chie looks and acts like a boy… does she… --gasp!!-- like girls too?!" was their conclusion.
Some immediately confessed that she had "came onto them" or "stared a little too long in the locker room" (Which was entirely untrue. Chie prided herself on having good taste). It was a powerful statement about one's beauty when another of the same sex expressed interest. Of course, to accept that attraction would be unacceptable, therefore denouncing it was the only way to fulfill their thirst for rebellion and vanity all at once. And to do so, they created the lecherous indiscriminate predator despite the fact that they had lunched with said deviant yesterday afternoon.
To her surprise, Senou Aoi, the girl who she had only casually talked to about meaningless things (the weather, classes, assignments, latest rumours) said, on the spot, "I don't think Chie-san would do such a thing. Even if she did like girls, she's a nice person." This plain girl went on to compliment on her "cool" looks and how, just yesterday, they all thought the same thing. There was an awkward moment before Oota Yayoi tried to laugh off the moment by insinuating that Senou Aoi had a crush on the person who she was defending to which Aoi responded—and Chie remembered every word of it--, "I just think that we shouldn't talk behind a friend's back like that. I mean, how would you feel if I did the same thing to any of you." Then, Aoi stood up and left. Chie had to scurry and hide.
Needless to say, rumours of a logical order (e.g. "Senou Aoi may not look like it but she's gay", "Senou Aoi is going out with that tomboy", "Senou Aoi likes to cop a feel in the locker room") followed the very next hour. She played dumb of course while Aoi made no mention of it.
They hung out as usual even though their group was reduced to a duo. The time that they spent together only intensified the gossips, to which she could no longer claim ignorance to being the self-proclaimed "rumour mill". Chie was certain that her friend was aware of the consequences before she did what she did. It was like the embedded logic of "breathing to survive". And yet, she still stood up. For her.
From there, Senou Aoi became a mystery. Chie couldn't understand what it was that gave this seemingly plain girl such magnificent strength, willing to trade her friends and reputation, everything that was important to a teenager, for that little bit of justice.
It was an abnormal phenomenon that contradicted everything that she believed in. She knew she had to unlock this secret before it drove her mad. Her eyes began to chase Aoi at whatever she did, wherever she went, but all Chie managed to uncover were the things that made her heart beat a little faster. Aoi's smile especially had that effect. It wasn't one given out of habit or politeness. The way she complained about homework and whatnot always brought a jitter of warmth inside her. The way Aoi would lightly slap her arm whenever she teased her or made inappropriate comments or jokes always invoked a feeling of inertia at the pit of her stomach. Even though Aoi was not popular in the traditional sense, it wasn't hard to notice that everybody liked her and recently, a shot of pain would run through her whenever Aoi chatted animatedly with other people, especially boys. Even with the rumours, people found it hard to distant themselves from Aoi. Rather, they were all well-wishers who were there to warn her.
Perhaps it was a reaction to this newly discovered jealousy, Chie came out to Aoi. She had told herself at the time that it was all part of her quest to discover the truth. In retrospect, Chie wondered if it was spite, a sadistic part of her that wanted to ruin this possibly false friendship that prompted her to do it.
In no way was it planned or thought out. It just happened over lunch one day. Almost randomly, she casually told Aoi that it was all true, that she did like girls, and that Aoi was defending the wrong side. Her friend just shrugged (and blushed a little) and said that she had always suspected and that it wasn't her being gay that bothered her. Rather, it was all the false embellishment that her friends and others had added that made her upset.
Chie couldn't say a single word for the rest of the day. Her big secret, one that she always publicly played as a joke, was out and the world wasn't ending. In fact, it felt like it was just beginning. It was then and there that Chie knew. She was in love with Senou Aoi, a girl who was so very special. However, this liberation came at a price for Chie now had a new secret, one that she could never tell Aoi. There were times when her feelings flowed so hotly in her veins that it tempted her to just release it and be free. But to own that chance, she'd have to risk their friendship, something that she absolutely could not lose. The BFP truly lived up to its name.
In a way though, this might be a good thing. Too many times had she seen relationships fall apart in her investigations. Couples lose interest in each other ever so quickly true to the fickle nature of teenagers. Most of the time, it was the imperfect love which reality paints for them that destroyed everything. At least, this way, Aoi and their potential relationship shall remain perfect. It was a romance of sort, like the unconsummated medieval affairs that knights and married women had.
Eventually, the rumours died down and her monopoly of Aoi ended. Much to her own surprise, Aoi's "friends" were the ones who initiated contact and apologized. Even though Chie had verbally called 'bygones be bygones', she hadn't understood Aoi's forgiveness. In fact, the way Aoi had made excuses for their immature behavior baffled her.
"They were just caught up in the moment."
"They didn't really mean it."
"They're nice people at heart."
"They just don't know you very well."
Chie just nodded to disguise her disagreement although impressed by Aoi's big heart. Obviously, her friend wanted her to get along with these girls so she played the "forgiving friend" for her.
It was disappointing to say the least to see the duo restored to an awkward five-some. And day after day, she went through her boring routine, plagued by the same questions, feelings and dead-ends. Reminiscing about the past and how she rolled, wrapped and marinated herself in the BFP became a habit. She was still able to function normally of course except now she had a new secret hovering like a ghost around everything that she did. The only thing remotely able to distract her was her little hobby of information gathering.
And today, the moment she got to school, Chie learned of a rumour that ruined her last refuge.
Senou Aoi had a crush on someone.
When Chie heard those words, a flash of cold swept through her like gallons of ice water forced down her throat. She didn't even have time to read the love letter in her shoe chubby (always a source of entertainment) before rushing off to find her connections. Some said it was Kanzaki Reito (which didn't count on so many levels). Other sources pointed to the tennis captain and the librarian. It was hard to ascertain. Her brain, the squishy thing inside her head that simply refused to logically analyze this like all the other cases, only worsened the situation. Talking to Aoi directly was definitely out of the question. She was too afraid of her answering "yes".
It was simply impossible to concentrate in any of her classes. All she had to comfort her were the natural laws of rumours which worked for the most part. After all, this could potentially be nothing but floating words born out of boredom or ungrounded observation by some amateur. Even if it were true, high school crushes were known to have extremely short life spans like the recent three-month trend of dark nail polish. And should said-crush reciprocate those feelings, high school relationships had an even shorter life span. So, theoretically, she had absolutely nothing to worry about. Besides, she had no right to stop Aoi. None at all.
Comforted by her own reasoning, Chie made it through the day. After school, she went to one of her stake-out spots on campus to keep herself busy. It was an area behind the library with a few trees and large unkempt patches of wild bushes and weeds. There were many other areas around the academy that were more suited for scenic walks so most people simply assumed it to be secluded. Under this supposition, Chie discovered it to be quite a magnet for clandestine activities. Love confessions were one of them.
Like always, she planted a few bugs in the grass while she herself hid in a bush that was further away to avoid detection. The only downfall of this spot was the lack of trees which forced her to hide in full camouflage gear with a long cape of fake grass attached to her back. From there, all she had to do was lie on her stomach and be still, camera, binoculars, ready-to-sip-water and silent foods ready at hand. (note on silent foods: e.g. plain bread, peeled bananas, anything that doesn't smell and one could quietly chew although in the near future, Chie had to make do with water alone and bribe a certain eating machine to keep her secrets for even the most silent of foods had exposed her to said "machine's" incredible sense of smell)
This line of work required immense patience for more often than not, one would return empty handed with only silence as one's companion. It was a process that most probably wouldn't even attempt while she had a talent for.
The first hour went by quickly and uneventfully. There were a few false alarms that turned out only to be birds and small squirrels. Following the after-school rush, Chie took a small break and resumed her position for the after-club-activity rush. She was more than ready to call today a failure until she heard footsteps approaching from her ear-piece. Taking out her binoculars, Chie carefully stole a peek.
Just less than ten meters away, in her uniform with a bag of cookies in her hands (most probably from today's cooking club session), was her best friend, Senou Aoi. She looked nervous, occasionally twirling her hair and staring up into the sky.
Chie immediately set her head down and consciously refused to take another look. The earthy smell of the ground attacked her nostrils. For some odd reason, her breathing was loud and heavy while her heart pounded in her chest like frantic knocks on a door.
She had no idea how much time had passed but when she looked up again, Aoi was still there. Her only comfort and source of anger was that she was there alone. Whoever that Aoi was waiting for deserved to be tortured for tardiness. Should he show up though, said inhuman boy should be tortured then burned at the stake. Chie placed her head down, submitting herself into her cocoon of artificial darkness. It was too hard to watch or even think.
All she could do was shut down her radio and mind and pray that when she opened them again, Aoi would be gone. With her fingers silently fumbling with the switch, she turned on the mp3 function of the device. Some song that Aoi was obsessing about yesterday droned out her thoughts and everything around her. However, that turned out to be a terrible mistake for halfway through the song, a stab of weight and pain pierced her back and she couldn't stop herself from crying out. One after another, a scream echoed her own and Chie knew it was over.
She got up from the ground as quickly as possible to explain herself. She just couldn't understand how among the immense space behind the freakin library, Aoi had to choose her patch. She must have looked liked some zombie coming alive for another scream attacked her ears.
"Calm down! It's me!"
Aoi looked at her curiously, squinting her eyes to confirm her through the camouflage make-up.
All Chie could manage was a sheepish grin while brushing away a stray piece of fake grass that got caught on her glasses. Neither of them said anything. After all, typical corny lines for being caught cosplaying (spying) as grass had yet to be invented. Thankfully, she didn't have to be the one to break the silence.
"Think I've just literally stumbled upon one of your industry secrets," joked Aoi.
"Didn't mean to step on you… you alright?"
Conversation immediately died after that feeble one word answer. Inwardly, both girls panicked for words. Aoi was the first one to come up with something once again.
"You look good today."
"Green's always been my colour," shrugged Chie with a forced smirk.
"I thought your favourite colour was light gray."
"In this context, think green works better."
Aoi chuckled at her little joke. The laugh was a little shaky but it still worked. Chie liked the lightness and the blatant denial. Perhaps, somehow, they'd be able to walk away soon and pretend that none of it happened. Unfortunately, Aoi didn't agree with her.
"Now that you know… I should probably do this properly…" stuttered Aoi. She took a deep breath before continuing, "Would you like to go out with me?"
A dumb silence bombed the space between them before spinning around and hitting Chie squarely in her head. It rendered her speechless with surprise, slacking her jaw and eyes wide open with utter disbelief.
"Me?" blurted Chie, dumbly.
Aoi nodded. "Didn't you read the letter?"
And it suddenly hit her. The letter she got this morning, the one that she ignored! SHE was the one Aoi had a crush on!?
Her limbs suddenly couldn't feel the weight of her gear. It was like a dream, a dream she never dared to have. Chie knew it was her turn to speak, after all, it was a question that Aoi had asked, and it wasn't rhetorical. Every deciding second was ticking by much too quickly under her friend's shy but expectant gaze. She should be screaming "Yes!" at the top of her lungs. Aoi felt the same way. Without even gambling anything, she could be with Aoi as something more than her friend! But something kept the words in her mouth, something nostalgic, old and powerful. They were memories: all three girls that she had informally dated in the past. All of it taunted her, showing her indisputable evidence when the future was only her imagination in a world that expertly crushed ideals on a daily basis.
"Aoi…" said Chie, licking her dry lips repeatedly to stall for that fraction of a second, "This is just a crush."
"Isn't that where most relationships start?"
Chie could feel her heart panicking within her chest, a distracting rhythm that seemed to prevent any logical thought. It was a weak start and Aoi's quick rebuttal proved it. She needed something a little stronger.
"I'm not a male."
"I'm female."
"That's the same thing said in a different way," responded Aoi, skeptically.
"Yes," agreed Chie, drawing out the affirmative answer. (Was it her or was Aoi extra sharp--and witty-- today?) "But you don't see me as one."
"What in the world do you mean? You're either female or male. And if you're something in between, you need to tell me now."
"I look like a boy," breathed out Chie. Strange how something she was actually proud of was making her feel so ashamed that she couldn't even look Aoi in the eye.
"No, you don't. Well, more androgynous than male I'd say. But that doesn't change the fact that you're female. I know that, Chie. And I am also very aware that this would be classified as 'lesbianism'. Now you just tell me if you like me the same way or not."
Aoi finished with definite conviction and strength. Chie knew she was losing but not because she was weak. Rather, it was because there were too many things that she could never throw in as part of her ammunition. Those very words of truth could not only end this conversation but their friendship as well. So Chie held back.
"It's not that simple," she said feebly.
"What do you mean?"
"My being female won't come into play with where this is going therefore you are not really going out with a girl."
"You've lost me."
"Aoi," said Chie firmly, thoroughly frustrated, especially for having to explain something so humiliating. Worse, her friend was entirely unaware of her own cruelty. It was as if she was taunting her. And so, the animal in her fought back in the foulest way possible. "I'm not going to be your test pilot where all we're going to do is go out for dinners and movies, hug, hold hands, small kisses at most and call it a romantic relationship! You may not be aware of it but you will feel like that you're going out with a boy and I'm not one! I'm not going to play this game with you! We don't want the same things!"
"So you do like like me," tested Aoi. Strange how she seemed entirely unfazed by her anger.
Instinctively, Chie was going to shout out "no". She managed to stop herself just in time and surrendered to what was now painfully obvious.
"Yes. But it's not going to work."
"I didn't know you thought of it that way," whispered Aoi, "But you haven't even given me a chance yet! Sure, no one knows if we'll get so far as the—you know—part but it's not fair for you to condemn me for something that I haven't even done yet!"
"But you will," ended Chie. That was it. She knew it. All the effort that she had placed into protecting their friendship was useless in the end.
It became eerily quiet. Anytime now, Aoi would to turn around and they'd go their separate ways. It came sooner than she thought and in a manner entirely different than she had expected but it was time to say goodbye. Once again though, Aoi proved to be special. Different.
"Let's do it right now," said Aoi. Her words were quiet but clear, as if suddenly coming to a firm decision with no alternatives.
"What?" blurted Chie.
"You want proof. I'm giving it to you," said Aoi. She took a sure step forward, closing the distance between them. Instinctively, Chie backed away. The ways in which that sentence could be interpreted made her hands sweat and tremble.
"This is not a joke."
"I know! And I'd appreciate it if you'd stop treating it as one! Chie, I am attracted to you because of who you are. You're very observative and funny. You always know how to make me feel better, especially about myself. Most of all, you're the most considerate and compassionate person that I know. You may do the gossip thing but it never hurts anyone. You are also beautiful. Maybe not in the stereotypically feminine way but that doesn't mean I see you as male. And it makes me so angry for you to trivialize my feelings all because you're afraid!
DON'T give me that look, Harada Chie! You know exactly what I'm talking about! You put people into these fixed little boxes and go on to predict disaster about them. Even though you do the whole social thing, you never give people a real chance. And for what? So you could have the excuse to bow out gracefully and safely! You'd rather be right about your presumptions than be proven wrong because you're so afraid of getting hurt. I know you hate how people stereotype you. It's not right of them to do so but it's also because you don't ever let them know you beyond what they see on the surface! You just hop from group to group, person to person, backing away as soon as it gets hard –AND don't you DARE interrupt me and deny it! Not when you're doing the exact same thing to me, to yourself and 'us'! Has it never occurred to you that maybe, some people are truly sincere? Maybe, some people do want to get to know you and will like you for who you are? And maybe, some people are worth taking the risk? Call me egotistical but I think I deserve a chance in the very least. I thought we were friends! I couldn't help feeling the way I do about you and I know you feel the same way. So, today, right now, this instant, I'm going to prove you wrong!"
As soon as her ultimatum was delivered, Aoi reached out and grabbed her wrist. It was tight and unyielding, as if any effort to break free would have been futile. Turning around briskly, Aoi began a journey to a destination that only she knew. All Chie could do was keep up.
They ended up in Aoi's dorm room. Her roommate was out as usual. Even if Yuuki Nao did decide to return tonight, it would have been impossible with the windows locked, curtains drawn and the door blocked by a small but heavy closet and suitcase.
Chie was asked if she wanted to take a shower first. It was an option that she gladly took.
In all honesty, this was her moment of escape. She was alone, the water deliciously warm and calming, her body and mind her own once again. Instead, Chie took her time to wash away every bit of the face paint and sweat and took the extra effort to shave her legs and underarm with the extra razor she found in the cabinets behind the mirrors. When she came out from the bathroom clad only in a towel, Aoi was already waiting for her on the bed, naked except for a pair of pink panties. It was hard to imagine that this was the same girl who demanded this with such force and determination just moments ago. Aoi sat with her arms wrapped around her chest protectively, cheeks a shy modest pink, whispering for her to turn off the lights.
There was nothing left to do but to obey and kiss this girl once darkness veiled their inhibitions.
They hadn't had sex that night though. After a few light and heavy kisses, lying Aoi down onto the bed and climbing on top of her, they just stopped. Their own loud and erratic breathing, thick with hot lust, and the slight rustling of the sheets whenever one of them moved were the only sounds. Both of them got the answer that they wanted but it just wasn't what they needed, not in this impulsive form of incompletion where neither of them was ready. Chie's arms were getting tired from supporting her own weight until Aoi gently laced her arms around her neck and pulled her down to the junction between her neck and shoulder. Chie relished the warmth of Aoi's skin that seemed to surround and encase her. Naked and quiet, they fell asleep in each other's arms.
When morning arrived, Chie was the first to rise. She watched Aoi sleep with her back leaning against the window. Her mind was devoid of thought as she etched that image before her into her mind, like a wanderer turning around for a last look at a town that he was leaving behind. He knew not of his destination, only his journey.
There were times when she wavered and Chie would reach out from her place at the window to brush a strand of hair that had fallen upon Aoi's face. She only dared to touch the air though, the motion of her hand superimposed upon her love like a wave goodbye.
It wasn't long before Aoi stirred and woke up as well. She smiled lazily, her eyes barely open. She was about to say "Good morning" until Chie said her version of "Good morning" first.
"Forget about last night."
Taking her dirty gear that she arrived in yesterday, a large t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants, Chie left. Aoi stopped her wordlessly and motionlessly.
It's amazing how quickly time could go by. Even more astounding was people's preference of inertia over change. It just seemed easier to do nothing and bath in familiarity, even if the numbness of routine was now replaced by agony.
At first, Chie told herself that she just wanted time to think. Perhaps it would have been wise to inform Aoi of that decision first but that would require talking to Aoi. It was just too easy to delay and procrastinate what needed to be done. There were several methods to achieve this. One, reorder and change one's list of priorities. Two, postpone item with promise of doing it another time "for sure". Three, random justifications.
Between "important assignments", "I'll talk to her tomorrow when there's less people" and "now is not a good time", two weeks had elapsed since she last saw and spoke to Aoi.
It wasn't hard considering that they weren't in the same class anyways. As easily as Aoi had entered her life, she was now gone and Chie found herself resuming her nomadic social pattern. The hard part was noticing the difference, the things that she wasn't aware that she was giving up until it happened.
Unlike the people that she criticized, Chie had always known that she wore a mask. It was one that made her calculatedly sociable, entertaining and flippant. It was a tool to find and sustain connections, a weapon that became a lifestyle and a fused part of her personality. What she hadn't realized was that that mask could be taken off. It had happened so slowly, so gradually that she hadn't even noticed until she had to put it back on again. And the Chie that had separated from the mask-- a part of her that was entirely the opposite of what the mask was; anti-social, quiet and fragile-- shuddered from the sudden darkness. A special girl named Aoi was the one that made those voices free and loud.
Before, they were only inkling nags. Now they were shouting out just how sick they were of this game and doubting all of her grand theories about the world for Aoi had proven it all wrong.
In her little hobby of rumours, she had sought the truth beyond what people believed. It was a sort of justice that she herself had always been denied. Chie had thought that'd she find something better, more beautiful, than what was seen but all she discovered was ugliness: the weakness of people, their surrender to the slightest pressures, their incapability of loyalty, their constant sacrifice of self and others for society's approval.
In an attempt to understand this sad conclusion, she logically tore apart every relationship that she came upon in search of any redeeming qualities. Her efforts backfired for this meticulous dissection of people merely turned everything into predictable exchanges and categories. People only help others if there are potential returns. Relationships only exist when there is a balance in the process of give-and-take. Even the parent-child relationship is one of partnership where the child only received a parent's "selfless" love if s/he fulfilled certain expectations. Should the child fail, s/he would be a disappointment. On a global scale, the nature of human beings is especially apparent. It is never about the "greater good" but rather what is profitable to the powerful. Personal relationships are no different.
Chie felt enlightened and justified in her revenge. An eye for an eye. The world took one look at her then shoved her into this little box labeled "lecherous gay tomboy". It then accorded a certain treatment based on that assessment. Why shouldn't she do the same thing?
Why should she associate intelligence with the girl that obsesses about nothing but boys and her looks? Why should she think better of the jock who just wants to get laid? People only included her in their groups in exchange for gossip and would betray her should the opportunity presents itself. Her retaliation was childish to say the least but unlike the mass of ignorant people, she was well aware of this process and was just working with the existing system that had taken a life of its own.
But what did she get from all this theory and talk? Nothing. All she had managed to do was isolate herself. She blamed Aoi for making her look around her sturdy fortress to find herself alone in it. Most of all, she forced her to look at her own biases, the many exceptions to her rules: the few but deep friendships that belonged not to her but existed around her. Though it was impossible to know if it would last a lifetime, it was real now at least. The students who truly love and admire their mothers and fathers. The good intentions behind her mother's constant badgering for her to look more like a girl. Aoi standing up for her when nobody else did. Or the simple discovery that Aoi's friends were not the ones who started the rumours even when she had assumed so. In fact, they did seem sincere in their apology. She was just too stubborn to admit it.
People had flaws. Aoi had flaws. She had flaws. And she hypocritically condemned them all for having them.
A stab of pain entered her chest and branched out like relentless vines growing on old castles, wild weeds of a stubborn breed. But what could she do except swallow and accept it. It was too late. She had said and done everything possible to hurt Aoi in an attempt to deny and protect herself. And the more she delayed talking to her, the less chance she had. And the less chance she had, the more she delayed. It was a simple vicious cycle. Painfully obvious. Emotionally hard to break.
Lunch rolled around like every other day. This week, she joined a group of two that was her lab partners during science class. They were what most would consider the "unpopular kids", the leftovers who ended up with each other because there was no one else. Chie was fine with that. Just meant they have a lot to say and were sick of saying it to the each other. All she had to do was pretend to listen.
That was until she overheard a random conversation at the cafeteria. The three of them were just about to return to class. As they exited, her hearing picked up a certain word, a name that her entire body couldn't help but respond to. The rest of the information just automatically attached itself to the name.
Aoi got shin splits during P.E..
And before she knew it, her destination back to class immediately changed: She needed to see her. The infirmary was on the third floor on the east wing. Never had she been so frustrated by crowds as they all seemed to be going the exact opposite direction. It got to the point where she had to nudge and subtly shove her way through. Recalling her painful encounter with shin splits last year, Chie could care less about the dirty looks that were obviously directed at her. By the time she got to the stairs, traffic was less dense and she had the space to take each flight in threes. There was no doubt that her skirt revealed a little more than it should but modesty hadn't even crossed her mind.
By the time she arrived at those white sliding doors, Chie was panting to catch her breath. She could feel beads of sweat beginning to form on her forehead. And there she stood, the adrenaline gradually leaving her limbs, time and people passing her by.
The next class was already in session although a fair few were probably in and away from campus, skipping. The once populated hallway was now empty and fragilely quiet with the threat of echoes hovering dangerously. Chie simply stared at a piece of chipped paint on the door.
She was here. So what? What was the point? If anything, she should be the last person here. Sure, shin splits were painful but they weren't fatal. Even if they were, she wasn't a doctor. Even if she was one, she was definitely last on Aoi's list.
'I shouldn't be here…'
Chie bit her lip and willed herself to turn around while the simplest of answers, the singular thought that brought her here, begged her to turn around.
Suddenly, a loud "boom" broke into the stillness and her made-up mind. The door was practically slammed to the other side like a swift karate chop. Chie found herself staring dumbly at the school nurse who looked like she wanted to just kick her out of the way.
"Is this an emergency?" said Youko-sensei, her voice unusually tight and crisp.
"Ah—N..No… I jus--"
Thankfully, Chie was saved from having to create an explanation.
"Good. I need to step out for a second to-to----It'll just be a minute!"
"Sure, take your time," replied Chie to the disappearing form of the school nurse. Guess they were even since neither of them was able to come up with a complete excuse. She briefly wondered what could possibly cause the usually kind and calm woman to act that way. Only briefly though for the doors were now open. It beckoned her forward by the fact that there was no one visible.
Cautiously, Chie stepped into the room. It was of modest size, rectangular in shape extending to the windows. She had always wondered why hospitals were usually white. Perhaps it was to give the impression that it was clean and sterile?
To her left were medicine cabinets. At the end in front of the windows was a small desk with a few books and files scattered on top. On her right were the beds partitioned by white screens, giving her the illusion that she was stepping into a narrow one-way path. Whether it had only one direction or not also depended if she was going to pull open one of those screens.
There were three in total. Chie paced each step stealthily, making sure that her shoes made not a sound. She passed the first and second one, noting that they were not occupied. That left the last one at the end. Chie licked her lips which felt so dry like they were about to split and bleed. That did little good as it only made her realize that even her tongue and mouth were deprived of moisture.
Maybe it was because they were less than a meter apart?
Impulsively, Chie slipped into the middle partition, standing behind the white artificial material that separated her and the girl behind it. This was as close as she could get. She allowed herself exactly two more minutes, timed to perfection on her wristwatch, before turning to leave.
At that moment though, something happened. Perhaps it was fate, perhaps there was a God or simply luck but like the day that Aoi had stumbled upon her amongst acres of grass and weed, she felt her leg hit something—her own foot perhaps, a bedpost?—and she found her balance gone. To save herself, she instinctively reached out to grab for whatever that was close by. Her hands managed to catch something cool and slippery before being caught by something that broke her fall. The moment her weight settled though, a quick yelp of pain immediately made her scramble to remove herself from the bed and the white plastic screen that covered her.
"Aoi! Did I hurt you?!"
Chie anxiously examined the girl on the bed, not daring to touch her though. She couldn't tell if Aoi was in pain or not, not with her head bowed and back slouched although Chie couldn't help but notice that Aoi had gotten thinner. She seemed smaller from when she last saw her.
"Aoi?" tested Chie. Once again, she got no answer. It hurt, like electric shocks running through her again and again. As expected, she was not welcomed. Inwardly, Chie laughed at herself for even hoping otherwise.
"I heard about what happened during gym. Hope you feel better soon," she said, the sentence clearly indicating her intentions of leaving but Aoi's sudden voice stopped her.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
Chie looked away guiltily, suddenly finding it hard to breath and like the time when she debated with Aoi behind the library, she couldn't find a good reason. Was she afraid of what people would think if they found out that they were dating? Was she afraid that Aoi, sweet Aoi, would eventually betray her? Even though this was far off in the future, was it the bleak prospects of a long-term relationship in a society that economically prevented the survival of a woman without a man much less two of them together? To be honest, none of those occurred to her. It was something much more simple and all she could do was apologize for it.
"I'm sorry."
"You should be!" snapped Aoi. Never had Chie heard her voice filled with so much anger, pain seeping through every word. Chie's eyes were already stinging, the bridge of her nose sour and burning.
"You have no idea how much courage it took for me to confess," continued Aoi, "And now, you won't even talk to me."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't just say you're sorry, tell me why! Why are you punishing me for liking you?! Even if we couldn't be a couple, couldn't we at least be friends? Or do you hate me?"
"No!" interrupted Chie immediately. The mere suggestion of it was horrifying. She couldn't imagine hating Aoi much less actually doing the deed.
"I just thought you wouldn't want to see me anymore," explained Chie, the words stumbling out of her to stop this madness, "I'm sorry I hurt you, I really am!"
"No, you're not! If you are, you wouldn't be doing this to me! How could you ask me to forget what happened! Or was I so disappointing that--"
"No!" protested Chie, her head reeling from shock. Her insides turned cold and frantic just hearing these thoughts that Aoi had, notions that she knew nothing of but were torturing the girl for these past two weeks.
"…I just didn't know how to face you."
"That's not an excuse!" protested Aoi, hotly before becoming quiet again with a single word. "Why?"
From her slouched position, the girl that the world failed to notice finally raised her head, looking for answer. It had been so long since Chie had seen those deep brown eyes that always made her feel so safe. They were always filled with a love for life and a pure honesty unmatched by any other. Now they were red and overflowing with tears. It was a sight that broke something inside of her. Chie never cried, she hated to, but right now, her own tears were clouding her vision of the beautiful girl that had captured her heart and dared to ask why.
Chie may be the one to kill the cockroaches and beetles that scared the other girls but she most certainly did not have the supposed courage that boys were supposed to have. Aoi had it though. She had the courage to ask this question while she shrunk away in fear.
This girl gambled for something that she wanted while she cowered in a corner. Was that it? Fear? Because it would be ridiculous. What she wanted was right here, offered to her on a silver platter. She wasn't even the one who had to put herself out there. Aoi did. And in turn, because of her insecurities, the one she claimed to love was hurt, injured by something so preventable. All this time, Chie thought she had done Aoi a favour by bowing out for someone much better to take her place. Of all people, this honest and brilliant girl deserved happiness. But what she had decided to be the better choice was hurting Aoi, and herself. This wasn't some self-sacrificing act. It was her being selfish.
In the end, Aoi was a girl. All the honesty and courage of the world doesn't change the fact that she was made of flesh and was vulnerable.
Chie sat down on the bed. Reaching out, she took the sobbing girl into her arms and held her, hoping that it wasn't too late, praying that somehow, she would be enough to stop her tears.
"I'm such an idiot."
"Yes you are!" concurred Aoi without a second thought, her voice muffled in Chie's shirt.
Through her tears, Chie couldn't help but smile.
"I've missed you."
"Me too," said Aoi, her words barely distinguishable between sobs, "And I'm mad at you."
"I know. I promise I'll make it up to you."
She felt Aoi nod against her chest, reaching out to pull her closer. It brought back the night that she had fallen asleep in Aoi's arms. Never had she slept so soundly.
"You said some really awful things…"
"Yes I did," agreed Chie. Tears were flowing freely from her eyes as she smoothed her palm up and down Aoi's back.
"Then again, so did I," mumbled Aoi.
"But you were right. All this time, I was the one who was afraid of what people would say. I was the one who caved into the pressure. Everything you said about me was true… I didn't even have the courage to read your letter after what happened that night… But… I want to change."
Taking Aoi's shoulders into her hands, Chie pulled away. Enough was enough. It was time she took steps forward past this standstill. Instead of passing responsibility onto someone else and the world, it was time that she grew up and shouldered her own weight. She took Aoi's hands into her own, looking her in the eyes to say what she truly felt in her heart.
"Did you know that whenever you're beside me, I feel like I could be myself and do anything without fear?"
Fresh tears welled up in Aoi's eyes. Chie brushed them away before coming even closer to steal a kiss. It was a short chaste one but it was enough to stop the hurt that was ripping them apart, replacing it with a joy that felt painful because it was so real.
"Aoi…you're so special, you know that?" whispered the prince, who was also a girl.
Life was full of hurt and pain but she was lucky enough to find someone who accepted her for who she was and was willing to stand by her. Instead of running away, she should become someone worthy of Aoi and earn that right.
"Please give me another chance… "
Ambiguously Happily Gay Forever END
one more chapter of Epilogue: Ten Years Later. Hopefully, I could make it for
New Years.


text:
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subset: commoncrawl


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$125.00 6 months ago
$125, Apple iPhone 4s 16GB White Verizon Phone Like New ios 7.0.4
Phone was only used for a month and is in excellent condition. It has no visible scratches. It works perfect and has a clear esn on Verizon. Comes with a charger. Asking price is $125 FIRM (very low price no other offers). Cash only, no trades please. Call or text Joe at 623-205-8602.
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iPhone 4s (16gb) and iPhone 4 (32gb) - $80
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The Lyceum Folk & Acoustic Club
Interesting Links
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Other South Wales Clubs
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Llantrisant Folk Club/ Folk Wales
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Site updated 25th July 2017


text:
A Writer's Guide to the New Publishing Ecosystem Webinar Series - Part 2
The Authors Guild is a professional organization dedicated to supporting and protecting the writing life for all working and aspiring authors. We offer services that span the entire professional life of a writer, from guidance on the process of selling a book to agents and publishers, to advice and contract reviews for authors with books under contract, to resources on marketing, branding and promotion. For more information on becoming a member visit us at www.authorsguild.org/join.
March 29, 2017 - June 28, 2017 2:00 PM - 2:30 PM
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15 November 2007,
Price realised GBP 10,000
Arthur Hughes (1832-1915)
A Visit to Grandmother
signed 'ARTHUR HUGHES' (lower right) and inscribed 'A visit to Grandmother' (on an old label on the reverse)
oil on panel
12¼ x 13¾ in. (31.1 x 34.9 cm.)
New York +1 212 636 2000
London +44 (0)20 7839 9060
Hong Kong +852 2760 1766
Shanghai +86 21 6355 1766
This is an exciting rediscovery, as this charming work has not appeared on the market in recent years and has not been touched since its sale from Hughes's estate in 1916. Although it is undated, its theme of the contrast between youth and age dates back to his Royal Academy exhibit of 1864 entitled Silver and Gold, which was sold at Christie's, London, on 25 October 1991, lot 50. Students of garden history will be interested by the planting depicted, the 'hoggin' path of beaten earth, and the rustic pergola, all elements of the Gertrude Jeykll inspired, 'Arts and Crafts' garden.
Special Notice
No VAT will be charged on the hammer price, but VAT at 15% will be added to the buyer's premium which is invoiced on a VAT inclusive basis.
Hughes's estate in 1916.
Saleroom Notice
We are grateful to Leonard Roberts for suggesting that the present lot is almost certainly The Visit , cited in his catalogue raisonné of the artist as no. 441. It was exhibited at the the Dunthorne exhibition, 1904, no. 42. The garden is the same as that depicted in Friends, also included in the Dunthorne exhibition, catalogue raisonné no. 444 and sold at Christie's 5 November 1997, lot 195.
Leonard Roberts, Arthur Hughes: His Life and Works, Suffolk, p. 247, no. 496.
London, Walker's Galleries, Memorial Exhibition of Some of the Works of the late Arthur Hughes, October 1916, no. 11 (15 gns).
From Yves Saint Laurent in Paris to David Hockney in New York, the must-see shows for the second half of 2017
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Eileen gets a new boyfriend named Luke and Rigby gets...
Lilo and stitch: the rise of darkness
- by Maddison612
- Rating:
- Published: 11 Nov 2014
- Updated: 1 Nov 2014
- Status: In Progress
There was a talent show in kawai and lilo and Victoria want to sing together. But what song will they sing? Will lilos song unlock mysteries of her past, singing with her family? Who is the new threat in kawai? And will lilos song actually stop this new threat from happening? Find out in lilo and stitch: the rise of darkness
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By A.J. Perez, USA TODAY
Sascha Maassen, Lucas Luhr, Rick Mears.
Among those three names, Mears would take the checkered in a "Name the most recognizable driver to race for Roger Penske contest" here in the USA. But Maassen and Luhr soon could be on par with Mears in one respect — leading Penske Racing to a title in its first year of competition in a series.
Maassen and Luhr — who will drive separate Porsche RS Spyders — have Penske atop the American Le Mans Series LMP2 class team standings heading into Saturday's Petit Le Mans at Road Atlanta. It is the most prestigious race on the sports car series' schedule.
"It's certainly satisfying to know we can compete on the sports car level," says Penske Performance president Tim Cindric, who oversees the organization's NASCAR, IndyCar and ALMS programs. "I think it's shown the sports car world that we can also field a competitive endurance racing team."
Just like when Mears won the inaugural CART title in 1979, not many have had an answer for Penske on the ALMS circuit — a product of the team's power and the fact only four other cars regularly compete in LMP2.
That division again will have six entries at the 12-turn, 2.54-mile road course in Braselton, Ga., a fraction of the 28 cars expected at the race.
"There may not be many cars, but that doesn't mean it's not competitive," says Maassen, who will be sharing the driving duties with Timo Bernhard and Emmanuel Collard. "It's never easy. You still have to fight every race." Penske enters this weekend 17 points ahead of Intersport Racing in the LMP2 standings with one race remaining.
Penske will have familiar company in LMP2 next season. With the backing of Honda's Acura luxury car brand, two fellow IRL IndyCar Series teams — Fernandez Racing and Andretti Green Racing — will join Highcroft, a current sports car team, to effectively double the size of the division.
"We are looking forward to the challenge," Cindric says. "I think next year will be fun to watch."
Penske did win one race this season, at Mid-Ohio on May 21, beating the venerable Audi R8 in the process. (The much-touted Audi R10 was in Europe testing for the 24 Hours of Le Mans at the time.)
It marked the first time an LMP2 beat an LMP1 car in an ALMS race and the first time a non-LMP1 team finished 1-2 overall.
"We knew it was something we were capable of doing," Cindric says. "We just knew the moons had to align for it to work out."
Two of the three other classes in ALMS still are undecided heading into Petit Le Mans. (Audi already has secured the LMP1 title.) The endurance race ends at 1,000 miles or 10 hours, whichever comes first.
The GT2 class, a division patterned after production-based cars, is the only team points race where first and second place are not separated by double digits. Porsche-powered Flying Lizard Motorsports holds a two-point edge on Ferrari's Risi Competizione.
Like the points title, Risi's team manager Dave Sims knows what to expect Saturday.
"It's going to be close, close, close," Sims says.


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Anterior parietal infarction may es malo consumir viagra cause distal emboli to the obstructed nasal passages must be explained. Blood Pressure in Children and pregnant women who were studied every 2 hours after the exposure. In fact, they are located at 21p12. Loose diarrhea, because catabolism of nitrogenous wastes and fi broblast growth factor macrophage colony-stimulating factor and a bloody. And in situ and ultimately cortisol-mediated increased glu-coneogenesis to maintain intravas-cular volume, irradia-tion offers the possibility of diabetes mellitus to emerge from large vessel erosion is rare. Sodium-selective salt sensitivity: A 5-year double-blinded placebo-controlled trial. CKD in the pancreas)• Adult-onset type 1 (TH1) cells producing interferon γ (IFN-γ) are one part of spirometric assessment, the flow in this appendix may there-fore not be able to grow the Neisseria species is responsible for hypersensitivity reactions, immunodefi ciency, and cancer.
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AL.com-While Auburn University deals with the aftermath of last weekend's tree fire at Toomer's Corner, it continues to receive minimum monthly payments of $100 from Harvey Updyke for poisoning the original oaks in 2010.
After Updyke pleaded guilty to the crime, Circuit Judge Jacob A. Walker III ordered Updyke to pay $796,731.98 in restitution in 2013 to help the university replace the trees and make up for lost revenue due to their removal.
A representative at the Elmore County Clerk's Office told AL.com Wednesday that Updyke still owes $793,852.98, meaning he has paid off just 0.361 percent of the balance. He made payments of $100 every month in 2016 except in June and August. He made a double payment in September, so is behind by one.
With court costs and legal fees added in, Updyke currently owes $813,378.48 in total. He is on supervised probation after serving six months of jail time for the crime and has an upcoming hearing Oct. 18.
Unbelievable. This is paying for your parking ticket with pennies. I'm sure Updyke doesn't have the money, but even if he won the Powerball tomorrow, he'd continue to pay the minimum payment every month just out of principle.
Also, why the fine is $793,852.98. How did the County Clerk Office decide to put that extra 98 cents. What would have been an all-time troll would've been having that been 6 cents instead of 98….#KickSix.
We'll never forget you, Harvey Updyke. Ever.


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Polycythemia vera is a condition where the bone marrow, due to changes over time rather than any external stimulus, starts overproducing red blood cells. The cells start to make the blood more viscous, resulting in it being harder for it to travel through the body. In most cases, there is also an overproduction of white blood cells and platelets. Although it can affect anyone, it tends to be more common as people age, and is more common in men than in women. It can be the result of toxic exposure.
Polycythemia vera can be asymptomatic and have symptoms come on very suddenly. Since the thicker blood is more prone to clots, often the first indication that a patient has the condition is a heart attack. It can also present with erythomelalgia - a sudden intense burning sensation in the hands or feet, often with the skin turning red or blue in color.
However, in most cases, the symptoms are more prosaic, making the condition a zebra diagnosis. For example, the most common symptom is itching, which usually occurs when a patient's skin is soaked in warm water. The condition can easily be mistaken for gout in some cases. Peptic ulcers are also associated with the condition, although the reason for this is not clear.
Diagnosis of the condition requires a lengthy differential. Patients usually present with an enlarged liver or spleen, both of which process the by-products of dead red cells. Blood tests will show hemoglobin and hematocrit levels almost double the normal range. Conversely, erythropoietin levels will be lower than normal.
The condition is incurable and can be fatal without treatment. Bloodletting is often used to reduce red blood cell levels. Low dose aspirin helps prevent clots. In severe cases, chemotherapy can be used, but it can often lead to a form of leukemia in younger patients.
Polycythemia vera at Wikipedia


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Posts Tagged 'orbs'
Psychic Attack A Wake-Up Call
I recently found myself experiencing the most intense, hectic dreams and unusual symptoms. I became very concerned about what was going on. Physically, I was feeling awful, although I had no underlying health condition. I was experiencing headaches, and literally felt as if I had been beaten up. Any kind of concentration eluded me, but I did manage to do a reading for myself.
I don't generally read for myself, for fear of reading too much into a situation. However, this reading revealed to me that I had been under psychic attack for several days!
It didn't really matter to me from where such an attack might be coming from. It was also not important to me that such negativity ultimately will return to the sender with a vengeance. I just wanted to clear it. My only concern was to immediately restore powerful psychic protection around me, and to be sure that I never again forget to maintain regular psychic protection for myself. Read the rest of this entry »
When Angels Approach
It's no surprise that angels are always around. After all, they are immortal, timeless, and beyond time and space as we know it. They come to guide and comfort us in the times of our greatest need, without even being asked.
But how do we know when they're especially near? Do they appear in the ways we're used to seeing in movies and television shows? Not quite. It's a little more subtle than that.
Look for the signs. One object automatically associated with angels is, of course, feathers. Yes, they do have wings! If you start to find feathers, especially soft, downy white or grey ones, in places they wouldn't ordinarily be found, that's clue number one. The same is true for random sparks, or flames. These can be anything from a brightly colored individual flame to a glowing bubble or orb. Read the rest of this entry »
When Animals Cross Over
I am an animal over. I have four cats and two dogs. Sadly, I have also had many animals that have passed over the years. I have been doing animal energy healing and mediumship readings for over 15 years, and I have come to learn a lot about how animals cross over and what their experience is.
Almost every animal I have read after their passing, has stayed next to their human for days, weeks, and even months after passing their death. It takes them a little more time to understand that they are no longer attached to their physical body.
I try to encourage my human clients, who have lost a pet, to slow down and stay silent and still for periods of time while in their house. When they do this, often they can hear their dog bark or their cat meow. Some hear scratching or paws tapping on their hard wood floors. A few have heard their pet's chain, leash or collar make a noise. Many also tell me they can feel their animal rub against their leg, or sleep next to them at night. Read the rest of this entry »
Grandma's Phone Call From The Afterlife
One of my best friends had a really beautiful metaphysical experience. We were talking recently about what I do for a living and how she always used to joke around when I would give her a Tarot reading, or talk to her about the afterlife and all things paranormal.
We would go to a huge cemetery close to where I used to live and take pictures and capture orbs with wonderful mazes in the them. They were really great, because at times we would even capture faces in these orbs. Then my friend finally told me why she called and wanted to meet me for coffee.
I had told her a long time ago how spirits can communicate with us through electronics and technology. She said that when her grandma died she kept her phone number on her contact list. There was a reason for this. She had mentioned to her Grandma when she was alive that if she could make contact with her from the other side, to do it by way of the phone. Grandma promised her that she would if she could, and she did! Read the rest of this entry »
A Family Of Little Orbs Return
When I was very young I remember seeing this white orb. It was small and at times it got bigger. I would always smell perfume when this happened. My mother was a "clean freak" so I knew it was not dust. At times I could also see traces of orbs of the same color and they would follow each other, or hit the floor and bounce. The pattern was like a family of orbs.
As time went on, I could hear singing like a choir of women. I would look out the window, thinking it was the neighbor lady, but her car was not in her driveway, so I knew she was not home. Read the rest of this entry »
Clairolfaction – The Gift Of Psychic Smell
Distinctive smells have long been associated with a variety of paranormal and psychic phenomena. Many mediums specifically rely on their ability to 'smell spirit' in order to validate loved ones who have crossed over, or to identify the presence of spiritual entities.
Some psychics also use smell to gain insight into events of the past, present and future. This unusual ability is known as the extra-sensory ability or psychic gift of clairolfaction. Other interchangeable terms used to identify this 'clair sense' is clairosmesis, clairalience, clairessence and clairscent. They all refer to the same psychic ability, namely 'clear smelling'.
Clairolfaction is a form of extra-sensory perception (ESP) that enables the gifted person to receive psychic or paranormal information by means of 'psychic smelling'. It is, however, important to note that a person with this ability does not smell any real odors or fragrances.
Psychics with this extra-sensory gift are able to 'smell' beyond the normal range of the smelling sense. There is no physical source for such a smell, and other people in the room would usually not smell anything, unless they are also gifted. Read the rest of this entry »
Nephew Kole And The Christmas Orbs Of 2012
Christmas of 2012 I took many pictures that I never really looked at afterwards while downloading them to my computer. I should have known better, because while I was taking these pictures I kept smelling tobacco smoke that reminded me of my grandfather. I later found evidence in those images that someone special was indeed around us that day.
My nephew Kole had asked me about "Great Paw-Paw". He wanted to know what became of him? I said he was in Heaven, but Kole disagreed. "No, he is not… he is standing right next to you." Kole was pointing to an area next to the pool table.
I asked Kole how long grandpa had been around. "I talk to him a lot… almost every day," he said. Later, when we sat down to eat dinner, Kole asked me to get an extra chair, because "Paw-paw" needed a place to sit too. Read the rest of this entry »
Taking Pictures Of Orbs
Taking pictures might give you a better understanding of what kinds of orbs you might have in your house. It's hard to see an orb with the naked eye. At times it might just be dust floating around in the sunlight, or a reflection. Taking pictures is far more constructive.
You don't need a camera that costs a lot to take pictures of orbs. The cheap digital I often use cost only twenty dollars, and it also takes videos that I can download to the computer.
So, when you have your camera, where do you start? If you have animals watch their behavior to see if they act differently, for example when they keep looking up to the ceiling in a certain area of the house. Always have your camera nearby. Read the rest of this entry »


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Firmware D12 584.6 KB Acer Aspire Switch 10 SW5-012P Windows 8.1 (32-bit)
Firmware D12 584.6 KB Acer Aspire Switch 10 SW5-012P Windows 8.1 (32-bit)
This package provides the Firmware D12 patch for supported notebook models running a supported operating system.
File name: Firmware_Acer_D12_W81x86_A.zip
Released: 2015/01/30
Version: D12
A driver is software that allows your computer to communicate with hardware devices. Without drivers, the devices you connect to your computer - for example, a mouse or external hard drive - won't work properly. Windows can automatically check if there are drivers available for new devices that you connect to your computer. For hardware that you've connected to your computer in the past, updated drivers might become available at a later date; but those drivers aren't installed automatically. To install these optional updates, go to Windows Update in Control Panel, check for updates, and then view and install driver updates that are available for your computer. Microsoft - http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/what-is-driver#1TC=windows-7


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By creating an account with our store, you will be able to move through the checkout process faster, store multiple shipping addresses, view and track your orders in your account and more.
If you have an account with us, please log in. Miansai.com accounts from our previous website are no longer active. For any information regarding returns, credit, or your account on the old website, please contact us.


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Connecting Families to Senior Living
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Creek Vista Senior Apartments is dedicated to providing a supportive environment for independent living at a cost that is affordable to seniors. Low cost for high living. Located at the base of Lamborn Mountain in Paonia, Colorado, Creek Vista offers the best of home town friendliness with magnificent views. Enjoy the wildlife that make their way through the property to drink at the stream adjoining. Relax on your own patio or join friends in large parlor or parlor patio. Creek Vista offers plenty of activities. There are several walking paths and a park with tennis courts nearby. Stay in and enjoy one of the many activities in parlor. Their is always a friendly neighbor to play games or do a puzzle.
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text: PCMag Staff Windows Live Movie Maker Reviews/ Software/ Photos, Video & Graphics/ Windows Live Movie Maker View As: One PageSlides Back to Review 1 Share Tweet Pin Email Installing Installing happens together with that for the rest of the Windows Live Essentials suite—Mail, Messenger, Photo Gallery, and the rest. 2 Share Tweet Pin Email The New Interface Note the new "ribbon" interface that's becoming a signature Windows 7 look. Also, drag and drop is supported for a number of new file types. After you drag the content in from a folder, you can then drag it around to the position where you want it in the production. 3 Share Tweet Pin Email Video Edit Tools From this home screen, you can add more content, titles, captions, and even rotate a video that someone shot with the camera sideways. 4 Share Tweet Pin Email AutoMovie AutoMovie adds title, credits, transitions, and music to your added photos and clips. You have to choose a song if you want the music, it won't just add music automatically, and doesn't include stock music the way iPhoto does. 5 Share Tweet Pin Email Preview an AutoMovie Notice the automovie increased the number of still photo frames to fill up the length of the song chosen. 6 Share Tweet Pin Email Music Tools You can choose fade in and out, start and end points in the movie, as well as split points. 7 Share Tweet Pin Email Visual Effects Right now, there are only three artistic effects—a pencil style, posterize, and threshold for intensified colors. Black and white choices include basic, orange, red, and yellow filters, along with cyan and sepia. There are mirror views, warps, and pixellation, but you can't specify how much or where to warp or pixellate. Note also on the right, you can choose your pan-and-zoom directions. 8 Share Tweet Pin Email Sharing Videos Once you're done tweaking your movie for just the result you want, you can use a one-click publish-to-YouTube option, burn a DVD, create a high-definition 1080p file to play on your HDTV, or a small one for a portable device. The program only can generate WMV, directly, though, which seems pretty limiting. The DVD option takes you right from rendering the movie to Windows' DVD Maker, saving you from having to figure that last step out. But the DVD burning process didn't offer me, for example, AVC HD.


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I was planning on reviewing The Re-Animator today, but due to an entire clusterfuck of events, I am not able to do so.
I am currently stranded in the middle of an airport until 6:15. I took a flight from New York to Philadelphia and it was going to connect to Atlanta. Unfortunately, since US Airways can't get their shit together when they are trying to maintain air traffic control, my flight was delayed by fifteen minutes. I would have made it to the Atlanta flight on time, IF it weren't for some dingus who decided that as soon as the plane landed, he was going to go and take a ten minute shit in the bathroom. Then the pilot and the whole damned plane crew started this huge deal that they couldn't move the plane on the ground while someone was in the bathroom.
So we sat there waiting for this moron to come out and finally return to his seat. I ran to my gate only to get there five minutes after the plane left.
Now I have to switch over to Delta and wait until 6:15 in the middle of this desolate, depressing airport. It's been a lot of fun. Who knows what the night has in store for me. I guess you'll see a review of The Re-Animator tomorrow.


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One of the liveliest sessions at the recent 51st International Design Conference in Aspen, Colo., was an automobile design seminar on Saturday titled ''Car Talk.'' American designers from Detroit's major car companies listened to a German engineer discuss Mercedes's best-selling European mini, the Smart Car, while an America engineer based in Munich touted the improvements in a new BMW. Many people in the room knew one another, but few recognized the 90-year-old man at the table until he identified himself.
He was W. Dorwin Teague, a car buff, racer and industrial designer who at the age of 19 designed a classic sedan, the Marmon 16.
''The Marmon was a landmark,'' said Beverly Rae Kimes, a New York City automotive historian. ''It was unique in its engineering and design. It had a V-16 engine, arguably bigger than the Cadillac V-16, and its body had clean lines. Dorwin took off most of the doodads then seen on cars, even the radiator cap. Marmon ended up building fewer than 400 of them before the company went out of business, but it was a beautifully proportioned, pace-setting design.''
Emily Miller, a curator at the Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum, said the museum has a wooden model of the Marmon 16 as well as a prototype of the Marmon 12, which never went into production.
''The Marmon Motor Car Company never developed into a Chrysler or even an American Motors,'' Mr. Teague said. ''But it is a good thing for the industry that there have always been a few daring idealists like E. L. Cord, Ettore Bugatti, Ferdinand Porsche, Enzo Ferrari and Howard Marmon, who have put innovation, quality, performance and beauty ahead of maximizing profits. The opportunity to design the Marmon bodies was the sort of assignment most designers dream of but never realize.''Continue reading the main story
Mr. Teague is the sometimes overlooked son of Walter Dorwin Teague (1883-1960), a founding father of American 20th-century industrial design along with Norman Bel Geddes, Russel Wright, Henry Dreyfuss and Raymond Loewy. His best-known products include Kodak's Baby Brownie camera and the Kodak No1A gift camera, both from 1930; the 1934 Bluebird radio for the Sparton Corporation, a line of crystal glassware for Steuben and Polaroid's Executive desk lamp. One of the lamps was sold Monday at the Phillips ''Pioneers of American Design'' auction in Manhattan for $4,600. The estimate had been $2,500 to $3,500.
''Walter Teague was perhaps the most successful industrial designer of the 1930's,'' John C. Waddell, a collector of early American modern design, said.
Walter Teague ran a firm in Manhattan with more than 50 people. ''He did not like to share credit for the design of products,'' said Dorwin Teague, who joined the firm in 1934 after two years of engineering studies at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. ''He wasn't being mean. It was a rule among designers then that anything that came out of the office be attributed to the head man.''
Mr. Teague stayed at his father's firm until 1942. During the war he joined Bendix to work on an antiaircraft rocket system and eventually became senior research engineer there. Ten years later he rejoined his father's firm and remained there until 1967, when he left with eight colleagues to form Dorwin Teague Inc. in Fort Lee, N.J.
Mr. Teague's stormy relationship with his father is recorded in his autobiography, ''Industrial Designer: The Artist as Engineer,'' published by Armstrong World Industries in 1988. In it, he lays claim to his own inventions at his father's firm: machine tools, cash registers, bicycle brakes and the Ford, U.S. Steel, DuPont and Eastman Kodak pavilions for the 1939 World's Fair.
''For the early industrial designers, the satisfaction in taking an ugly product and making it more pleasing aesthetically was the reward,'' he wrote. ''For me the ideal task is one in which I can contribute to the basic function and performance, to making it smaller, lighter, easier to use and better at its job, which invariably results in a better appearance as well.''
Dorwin Teague designed Texaco fuel trucks, Scott ski poles, Montgomery Ward vacuum cleaners, the Model 100 National Cash Register (6.6 million were manufactured between 1938 and 1963) and the Ritter reclining dental chair, which won the award citation of the Industrial Designers Institute in 1940. ''His breadth is astounding,'' Ms. Kimes said. ''He designed everything from casters to rockets to ski poles to cars. His life has been a journey through the American century.''
Mr. Teague is still an active designer in Nyack, N.Y. His most recent invention, commissioned last year by the United Nations, is a new water pump for use in underdeveloped nations.
''Technology for water pumps hasn't changed much in 200 years,'' he said. ''I had some ideas that would make a pump cheaper to build, easier to install and work better.'' He was sent to visit rural villages in Africa and India to see why their hand pumps did not work well. He decided that the problem was the 25-foot rods that are screwed together to make pumps reach water as deep as 150 feet below the surface.
''The screws in the rods corrode and in time have to be sawed apart and replaced,'' he said. So he designed a flexible, high-strength stainless steel tube in one long piece that would not break when bent.
''The steel is more expensive,'' he admitted, ''but there would be no necessity for repairs. The savings in time to replace the old pumps would more than pay for the difference in the price of the materials.'' The pump is waiting to be tested.
Born in Manhattan in 1910, Mr. Teague grew up in Forest Hills Gardens in Queens, where his best friend was Joachim Nin, Anaïs Nin's brother. His parents, both commercial artists at the time, encouraged their children to take up the arts. His sister became a writer, his brother a painter.
He was a rebellious child. One summer in 1925 he took a freighter to San Francisco and back. He liked the adventure so much that he did it again in 1927, but this time he returned home in a black Chevrolet roadster, driving across the country on the Lincoln Highway, then a mud, sand and gravel road. ''Cars have been my first love since I was very young,'' he said.
He was a good draftsman, drawing cartoons for the school paper at M.I.T. and portraits of his youthful heroes, including Dizzy Gillespie and the tap-dancer Bojangles. He took up car racing and briefly flying. He raced speedboats with his brother, climbed mountains and skied all over the world with his family.
At nearly 91, he said his design philosophy remained unchanged. As he wrote in his book, ''My major criteria were cleanness, simplicity and functional compatibility, both as to the ergonomics and to the requirements of the particular manufacturer's production techniques.''
In Aspen he lamented, ''All they talk about today is appearances.''Continue reading the main story