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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3568298387182668262017-11-18T20:05:57.463-06:00Into Your WillWriting about faith, family, and embracing God's will in all aspects of lifeJenhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-58772374816027148192017-11-18T20:05:00.000-06:002017-11-18T20:05:57.497-06:00Forget the turkey {Advent thoughts}
I know we haven't even gotten to Thanksgiving yet, but I just can't stop thinking about Advent. I love Advent. I'm a little bummed at how ridiculously short it is this year and wondering what the heck we're supposed to do in that awkward week after Thanksgiving before Advent starts (since usually that week is the 1st week of Advent) but...I guess I'll survive.

A couple of my besties are giving me a copy of Rooted in Hope (an Advent journal specifically for this year) which I'm so dang excited about. I really wanted it as soon as I found out about it but it's just not in the budget right now so I'm just really grateful for my friends and their awesomeness.

I'm usually pretty terrible at celebrating feast days (unless it's a Solemnity) but tend to make up for it during Advent. We go big on St. Nicholas Day (December 6) by filling stockings, we usually have Mexican for either St. Juan Diego (December 9) or Our Lady of Guadalupe (December 12) or heck, sometimes both because we love Mexican food. Special crafts for the boys usually consist of printing out a coloring page of said saint because I am so fancy. But they love it and remember saints that way so yay for lazy liturgical living. Oh, and those CCC videos help too!

Logan made the executive decision to not take out the Jesse Tree this year. I really do love it but have yet been able to do it every single day so I guess it's okay to take a year off and come back motivated next year. We can't do it all, folks.

This will be the first Advent in 7 years (SEVEN, people) that I'm not pregnant or nursing a little baby. It kind of blows my mind, considering there was a time I seriously wondered if we would ever have any living children.

The Advent 7 years ago was the one almost a year after we lost Levi, and we were having trouble getting pregnant again. It was hard (obviously), especially because the year prior was when I was pregnant with Levi and it was such a fruitful Advent. It was already so neat to be pregnant, because you're literally and figuratively waiting for a baby to be born, and then I found out on the feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8) that our baby was a boy. So to be pregnant for the first time with a boy, just like our Blessed Mother was 2000 years prior, was such a gift.

I think that first Advent (the first in our marriage too actually) is a big reason why I still love Advent so much. It's a time of waiting, trusting, hoping. It can be a time of uncertainty too. But no matter what you're going through, Christmas still comes. Jesus is born. We can rejoice in our Savior, who has come - who did come - to redeem us.

Until then though (two more weeks!), I have to admit I'm looking forward to some turkey and all of the other classic Thanksgiving food - especially because I'm not in the throes of morning sickness like I was for our last 3 boys. There's not much that can ruin a holiday centered around good food and giving thanks, but puking up all of said food can get pretty close.

The winner for our Christmas cards. Landon wins for best pose!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/11/forget-turkey-advent-thoughts.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-76228288243610540602017-11-10T07:41:00.000-06:002017-11-10T07:43:22.187-06:00NFP, veiling, Christmas, and my red ranger (7QT)
Well, well, well....it's actually pretty nice to be blogging about something other than marriage. You know I gotta jump back into the usual randomness with some quick takes, right? Right. Linking up with Kelly!

1. 31 Days of Marriage Fun
I just need to say thank you again to all of you who followed along for the month of October. It was one of those things that I really didn't want to do, but I just really felt God calling me to it. And whoa, He made sure to give me a lot of confirmation that I really was supposed to share that much about marriage. Never have I gotten so many texts, comments, etc., saying that a particular post was exactly what someone needed to read that day. I learned a valuable lesson in following God's promptings, no matter how crazy they may seem.

And all of the marriage talk made Logan really anxious to see me in my wedding dress again, so he asked my mom to bring it when they came in town. It fits! The straps are MIA and it has a few stains that I have no recollection of from the big day, but it was a really fun nostalgic moment.

2. Bye bye, MacBook Air
Just mere days before my month of blogging began, I spilled water on my beloved laptop and it died. For good. Because that is how my life works. But I persevered on using Logan's desktop and am still trying to decide what to replace mine with. We can't afford a Mac right now, I hate Windows, and I really want a Chromebook (cheap + portable). BUT I can't use Scrivener (this awesome writing software that I've been using) on a Chromebook. First world problems, you guys. I guess it's a good thing I can't decide because our funds are pretty pitiful right now anyway.

Landon has made good use of my dead laptop, though. He's so creative!

3. Advent + Christmas
It'll be here before you know it!! I'm 90-95% done with Christmas shopping and wrapping and am optimistic that I will be completely done before Thanksgiving. So, so good. This is a first for me and I really, really hope I can do this most years. Advent is my fave and I'm looking forward to a quiet, stress-free few weeks! Especially because Advent is unusually short this year.

Proof of my badass-ness (that should be a word)

4. NFP + the future of our family
Gosh, so many good posts lately about NFP and being open to life. (Jenny and Colleen!) I have so many thoughts. Since we've had our boys pretty much every 2 years on the dot, we're usually pregnant by now. So it's kind of weird not being pregnant. But it's also pretty nice. While Aaron was our easiest pregnancy, he's been our hardest baby. So that just complicates our already complicated situation of just really hating pregnancy but still wanting another baby. But this time around, I'm really seeing the beauty of NFP and how it calls us to something greater - in our prayer life and in our marriage. I guess this is getting a little deep for a quick take so maybe I need to just blog about it later...or not. You know how it goes sometimes.

It's moments like these that I'm like LET'S HAVE ALL THE BABIES! Seriously. Siblings are the best.

5. To veil or not to veil
Our awesome pastor recently proposed the idea of veiling to all of the women in the congregation. I've always thought veiling was a beautiful devotion but not necessarily one that I felt really called to - mainly because approximately 1-2 women at our church do it. So I took this an opportunity to start! And I'm actually very surprised at how it's (positively) affected my kids, others, and myself at Mass. Again, I could probably do a whole post about this...but yeah. Do you veil? What are your reasons why (or why not)? I'd love to know!

6. Kiddos
It's been forever since I gave little updates on the boys...

Landon (5yo): He's loving kindergarten and is doing really, really well. It's nice to know Logan and I discerned correctly in sending him to school! Thank you Jesus.

Chase (3yo): Well, sometimes he is our easiest kid and sometimes he is our hardest. Because, well, he's 3. But seriously, those dimples, y'all.

Aaron (16mo): Whew, it's a good thing this kid is cute. Normally the 12-18-month age range is my favorite...but Aaron has me changing my mind about that practically every day. He's happiest (and less destructive) when he's outside so that's where we spend lots of our time.

7. It's morphin' time!

Logan has been dying to have a Power Ranger costume and they're just so dang expensive. But I found one for FOUR DOLLARS at Target this week and surprised Logan, and obviously, he was thrilled. Now I'm kicking myself for not saving it for Christmas! I may or may not have gotten the pink ranger costume for myself. And I may or may not have photographic evidence of it. The things I do for this husband of mine...
Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/11/nfp-veiling-christmas-and-my-red-ranger.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-89072577187271150702017-10-31T06:30:00.000-05:002017-10-31T06:30:07.653-05:00First Comes Marriage {day 31}
You know that song we used to sing all the time as kids? "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage." Or something like that. Well, let me just change it up a bit…

First comes God, then comes marriage, then comes…everything (and everybody) else.

It's so easy to let other people intrude into a marriage, when really, the only people that should have any say so in a marriage is the husband, wife, and God. That's it. Sure, there's nothing wrong with seeking advice from a trusted friend or a wise professional (I actually totally recommend counseling or meeting with a priest, and know many couples who have done so!). And it's probably okay if a well-meaning person makes the occasional suggestion or wants to give some advice - assuming it's not laced with passive-aggressiveness or with an air of judgment.

The problem comes when an outside relationship becomes more of a priority than the marriage.

Logan is my best friend, partner in life, and the person I talk to the most. If you can't say the same, I'm guessing you probably aren't thrilled with your marriage right now. (And let me be the first to admit that I definitely have not always been able to say that!)

Please don't misunderstand me - it's important to have close relationships with friends and family. I have several extremely close friends (who I consider my besties), and I talk regularly to both my mom and sister. These relationships bring me joy, and all of these people have helped me grow as a person. (Thank you to all of you!!)

But my husband still comes first. If another relationship is taking time away from time with Logan (and same with him), something needs to change. Or if another relationship is causing strife in your marriage, something needs to change. Sometimes putting your marriage first will make other people unhappy. Sometimes putting your marriage first means letting go of other commitments or relationships.

Sometimes putting your marriage first is just really dang hard. But oh, it's so worth it.

(Obviously if your spouse is deployed or some other extenuating circumstance, it's not always possible to talk to them as much as you would like. My utmost sympathies! And I know there are some seasons where a certain obligation - sick child, planning a conference, etc. - takes up majority of your time. Those are just temporary. I'm talking about when something is consistently being put ahead of your marriage.)

I hope my posts this month have inspired you at least a little to focus more on your marriage and your spouse, and perhaps have given you a few ideas on how to do so. Thank you so much for following along!

P.S. We made it! Blogging every day all month was hard, but so worth it - just like marriage. 😉 I'm unplugging for a bit to recover. But I'll still contact the giveaway winner tomorrow! It ends at midnight tonight.

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/first-comes-marriage-day-31.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-34989492662172597152017-10-30T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-30T07:00:01.555-05:00The hubby: an interview {day 30}
In case you didn't know, this here blog actually started off as something Logan and I both did. I can probably count on one hand the number of posts he did, and they were a long, long time ago. Even though he doesn't write anymore, he still reads most of what I write. (Not the book posts, though, because he doesn't read. Ha.)

Logan definitely reads every post about marriage or that includes him in some way, and I'm very appreciative that he allows me to write about him so much! That means that Logan has read every.single.post before I published it this month. That's a lot of dedication for a guy who just wants his wife to get off the dang computer!

I thought I'd let Logan participate by answering some questions…(his responses are italicized)

What do you like about our marriage? Communication.

What would you like to change about our marriage? Communication. What? That makes no sense. Yeah, it does. It's what I like and I don't like. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

How can I help you be a better husband? Words of encouragement - continue that.

What do you like us doing together? Playing games. Dates.

What is one thing you refuse to share? My toothbrush.

What is one thing women do that grosses you out? Periods.
What about men? Not washing their hands after they use the bathroom.

What's your favorite thing about marriage? Sex (🙄)

What's your least favorite thing about marriage? Pregnancy (He says that because we can't have sex, lol. And I just can't do a whole lot in general so life isn't very fun.)

What's one thing you wish I did differently? Laugh at my jokes.
I laugh. Ok. I wish sometimes you would be a little looser with the rules of life.
Like what? Go 6 over instead of 5 over the speed limit. Don't wear your seatbelt just going down the driveway.

(I'm just going to cut him off right there because, um, he's ridiculous.)

What's your favorite way to spoil me? Buy you ice cream or something. Clean the house.

What qualities of mine first attracted you to me? You were shorter than me.
Are you serious? Yeah.

What do you think attracted me to you? I was taller than you.
Everybody is taller than me. My ruggedly good looks. My personality.
(He was right - I thought he was cute and funny!)

What is one way I've changed for the better since we got married? You've opened up more. (Pretty sure I can thank him for that.)

What's your idea of the perfect date? Skydiving.
For reals? I don't know. Moonlight cruise.

Would you rather me take out the garbage or bring you breakfast in bed? Take out the garbage.

If you had to give newlyweds one piece of advice, what would it be? Pray together.

Are you my #1 blog fan? No.

Gee, thanks babe.

I asked him more questions and some were pretty lame answers, but it was actually still kind of fun. Just google "questions to ask your spouse" and you can find a bunch of good lists with conversation-starters. You might just be pleasantly surprised with your spouse's answers! And you'll probably learn something new about him.

P.S. Tomorrow is the last day to enter the marriage bundle giveaway! One more post left!!

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-hubby-interview-day-30.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-6907903061046472132017-10-29T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-29T07:00:18.813-05:00A Weekend Away {day 29}

I'm a big advocate for marriage retreats and weekend getaways. I know sometimes it takes a miracle to make it happen, but it's always worth it. Date nights are important, of course, but there's just something extra special about setting aside an entire day or two (or more!) to spend solely with your spouse.

Logan and I have done this three times since kids came along, and I know to some people that will sound like a lot and to others it doesn't sound like a lot at all. I have one friend who has a child with special medical needs and has accepted the fact that her and her husband are in a place right now where weekends away just can't happen.

But for most of us, I think they certainly can happen. Sometimes it will take a lot of figuring out, perhaps a little bit of money, and maybe it will at first seem like it's not worth all of the hassle to make it work.

And sometimes you will actually manage to get your husband to ask off work for an entire weekend, you'll find babysitters, and book a marriage retreat…just to have a hurricane pop up out of nowhere and head straight for your area, causing the retreat to be cancelled 36 hours before it starts, and the hurricane will end up turning east and missing your state completely. (I really wish that was a hypothetical situation, but nope, definitely happened to us at the beginning of the month. Thanks for nothing, Hurricane Nate.) (We are thankful to be safe, of course, but MAN, it's still frustrating, not knowing if we can make another retreat anytime soon.)

Once you actually do make it happen, though, you'll understand why a weekend away with just the two of you is so important.

Logan and I have been on two marriage retreats in the last four years (and attempted to go on another one this month, which didn't work out because of the hurricane), and both times have been so, so fruitful for our marriage and our family. Getting out of your house for an extended period together with zero distractions is something that I've found is extremely helpful in seeing your life more clearly.

The first time, I was pregnant with Chase, which was one of the hardest times of our marriage, and I can't even adequately explain how much that weekend away was exactly what we needed at the time.

At the last retreat, when I was pregnant with Aaron (our youngest), we talked about many changes to make back at home. It was much easier to have certain conversations without worrying about cooking, cleaning, tending to the kids, etc.

Marriage retreats are wonderful, obviously, but sometimes the timing just doesn't work out. So, I think the next best thing is an overnight date.

We did this two years ago because I just really wanted a fun weekend away with just Logan before we got pregnant again. Due to limited time and money, we only stayed at a hotel one night (and managed to get a great deal on a room thanks to Logan's coworker), and kind of did a no-spend month beforehand so we could afford eating at a few restaurants.

That weekend getaway is a big reason why I wasn't completely overwhelmed when I was staring at a positive pregnancy test less than 2 weeks later. Why yes, we did conceive a baby on that trip, because God is funny. It's even funnier to think about how I vividly remember looking at my calendar to figure out a night that we could go, and that weekend was the only weekend that seemed feasible.

But anyways. When you have a bunch of kids running around (and even when you don't), it's hard to think about the fact that one day, it will just be you and your spouse. And if you don't do what you need to do to foster that relationship with each other, you might find yourself as empty-nesters looking at each other like, Do I even know you? Why do we feel like strangers now that the kids are gone?

Our main responsibility now is raising our kids to know, to love, and to serve the Lord - but they're going to be on their own before we know it. It's way too easy to let your kids and housework take up all of your time which is exactly why getting out of the house is a great idea if you need some one-on-one time with your spouse. A change of scenery can be good for the soul too.

Last year on our marriage retreat!

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/a-weekend-away-day-29.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-62724196201249233702017-10-28T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-28T07:00:15.687-05:00Rough waters {day 28}
After almost a year in our cute little rental house, Logan and I decided to start looking for a house of our own. We looked at a couple, even put in an offer on one (that didn't work out), and for awhile there were no other houses available in our price range that appealed to us. It was pretty frustrating.

Over a month later, we had almost given up on our house search when I got a text from my friend who was helping us look. Logan and I were out and about when my friend's text said there was a new listing that she thought we should see. When she gave us the address, I realized that it was literally a block away! So Logan and I drove by it on our way home.

I knew as soon as I saw it that it was the perfect house for us. It reminded me of our rental house (which we loved) but was much bigger. We went back to see the inside as soon as we could, and I felt like it was already ours. It had exactly what we were looking for - 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths, and only a minute away from where we were currently living. It was a little outdated, which meant there were a few things to fix, but I felt much better about this house than the previous ones. I really didn't want to get my hopes up again, but I had a feeling that it was really meant to be.

I was right! We closed on the house a couple months later, and the next day we got to work taking out the old floor and putting down new laminate. It looked so much better! Logan's dad and brother and my brother were all a huge help. We worked nonstop for several days since we needed to be out of our rental house soon.

We stayed busy over the next couple of months as we unpacked, arranged furniture, and painted the walls. Everything fell into place, it seemed. We need to replace the broken dishwasher (that we knew was already broken when we bought the house), and I found a great deal on one. Logan had an extra side job that made just the right amount of money to pay for it.

Situations like those kept happening, and it was confirmation that we bought the perfect house. Since we had finished a lot of our house projects, we decided to plan a housewarming party for our family and friends. Many of them had already seen the house, but we wanted to have a big official celebration.

Three days before our housewarming party, I woke up at 6:15am for work as usual. Our bedroom was upstairs, so as I walked downstairs, I heard running water. I thought that maybe the toilet in the downstairs bathroom was making noise - as it was known to do - but then I realized that the water wasn't just running. It sounded like it was moving very fast! The hallway to the bathroom has a step down, since the back of the house was added on at some point, while the front of the house is raised. When I stepped down into the hallway, my socks were instantly soaked with water.

Naturally, I panicked, and kind of ran around in a circle - trying to decide if I should discover the source of the leaking water or just wake up Logan and make him do it. It was dark, so I couldn't see the extent of the flooding, but it did not sound good.

Since the rushing water sounded very close, I went into the bathroom and looked to the right at the toilet. It was fine. I looked straight ahead at the tub - it was fine too. I stood there in the flooded bathroom, wondering where the heck the water was coming from, and felt like an idiot when I finally realized the noise was coming from beneath the sink.

I opened the cabinet doors to find water blasting out. Once again, I panicked and immediately ran upstairs to get Logan to wake up. It probably sounded something like: "LOGAAAAAAAN!! HURRY HURRY THE HOUSE IS FLOODED!! LOGAAAAAAN!!"

Being more sensible than I am, Logan hurried downstairs and immediately turned off the water under the sink. I felt like an idiot for not thinking about doing that, but hey, I was totally new at this owning a house thing.

Logan and I walked down the short hallway that led into our living room and our hearts sunk. The entire living room, which was by far the biggest room in the house and where we had just put new flooring, was flooded. Logan said a few choice words, I cried, and we both just stood there in the water for a few minutes. (That's an accurate representation of how the two of us handle crisis. Ha.) We had only lived in the house for two months and we were going to have to change the floor for a second time already.

Add to that the fact that we had our first class that night to be certified as foster/adoptive parents. Plus, I had just started our first round of Clomid as we had been trying to conceive for 8 months already. It was pretty insane how everything was happening at once, and Logan and I were both so stressed because of everything. We both had to go in to work that day as soon as we got all of the water out.

Even though the whole ideal was pretty ridiculous, we were thankful that the flooding was contained to the back of the house, and that we were home when it happened. Our housewarming party still went on as planned - just with messed up flooring.

Since the party was just a couple weeks before Christmas, and we were attending foster/adoptive certification classes every week, we waited for life to settle down a bit before we replaced the flooded flooring. As it turned out, I loved the new flooring even better than the first one we had put down. Plus, we were able to replace our ruined furniture with some fun new pieces. Funny how things work out sometimes.

It was a good lesson in trusting God, even when it seems like things go from perfectly fine to completely terrible just because of one broken pipe. But somehow there's always a lesson to be learned in the craziness - whether it's something simple like learning how to turn off the water or something a little more complicated…like how life can be absolutely nuts sometimes but it always works out in the end.

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/rough-waters-day-28.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-3298340332405936032017-10-27T06:30:00.000-05:002017-10-27T06:30:23.750-05:00When God says Wait {day 27}
In the summer of 2010, Logan and I had been married for about a year. But in that year, we had already experienced so much, including losing our first son…and we were having problems getting pregnant again. Let's just say that it was a rough time for us, especially me, as I had no idea what God was doing in my life and I struggled with waiting for him to do something about it. Our baby's due date had come and gone, our attempts to buy a house weren't working, and I was feeling pretty empty. I just really wanted to be a mom.

One particular weekend that summer, I was visiting my parents, and my aunt and her family were there too (as well as my brother and his family). Logan wasn't able to come because of work, so I was the lucky one stuck sleeping on the couch. After everyone else went to bed (and I stayed put because...couch), my aunt hung around for a minute just looking at me. I have to admit I was not a very fun person that day for several reasons. So when my aunt started talking, I knew it was the Holy Spirit talking through her. The thing that sticks out the most is when she said this: "I know God has planned for you an abundant life...but not today."

When there is something that I want so desperately and I'm praying so fervently for it, I seem to think that God answers either "yes" or "no." But as history has shown, sometimes God says, "Wait." And it is through those times of waiting that God reveals an even bigger plan.

 There have been so many waiting periods in our marriage - waiting to get pregnant, waiting for our babies to be born after long and difficult pregnancies, waiting for the perfect house. It was truly a lesson in trust and patience, but now I can look back and see how fruitful those times of waiting were (although very hard at times!).

 There are other situations we're still in that waiting period - for Logan to get that dream job, or just a better job, is just one example - and it's hard to see why God is making us wait so long. It's even harder to think that we might be waiting forever.

 We have several friends who have been unemployed for much longer than expected and other friends who have been unable to conceive after many years. Still others are waiting for their spouses to convert or some are waiting for a chronic medical issue to be solved.

 Gosh, there is just so much waiting.

 The beauty of marriage, though, is that you have someone to wait with, and I know from experience that you can choose to let those waiting periods tear you apart - or bring you closer together. Use the waiting to cling to each other and strengthen your marriage. I know for us, those have been the best times to work on our communication skills.

 If there is anything I have learned from these countless times of waiting, it is this: God has a plan that is above and beyond anything we could have ever imagined. It doesn't always make sense, and it isn't always what we would choose for ourselves. And heck, sometimes we won't even fully know the depth of God's plan until we see Him in heaven. That's what faith is about, though…trusting that God knows best, no matter the circumstances. No matter how long we wait for an answer.

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/when-god-says-wait-day-27.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-73548485558943713572017-10-26T06:30:00.000-05:002017-10-26T06:32:47.690-05:00Marriage bundle giveaway {day 26}

Even though experience is the best teacher, I've gained so many other insights about marriage through the books I've read and the talks I've attended or listened to over the years. I try to read at least one marriage book each year because I know there's always more I could learn.

Since you all have been so great following along this month, I wanted to take a break from my typical posts and do a giveaway of marriage-related books and other items. The marriage bundle will go to one lucky reader. Giveaway widget is at the end of this post, and it'll be open until the end of October. I'll contact the winner on November 1st! (US residents only please, so sorry!)

The marriage bundle includes:

The CD Wives Do What? Ephesians 5 & St. Paul's Life-Changing Vision of the Christian Family by Dr. Brant Pitre

A chalkboard and chalk for you to write affirming messages to your spouse (made by me)

The book A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken

The book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

A stretch rosary bracelet (made by me)

The little book Spousal Prayer: A Way to Marital Happiness by Deacon James Keating, PhD

Full disclosure, all 3 books were mine that I've read so there is some slight wear - but I just really want to pass them along to someone!

I really appreciate everyone hanging in with my daily posts and for all of your sweet comments and messages thus far. Five days left!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway
Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/marriage-bundle-giveaway-day-26.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-29264347984724597812017-10-25T06:30:00.000-05:002017-10-25T06:30:05.415-05:00How watching Fixer Upper changed my marriage {day 25}
In case you haven't had the privilege of watching an episode of Fixer Upper, it's a show about a couple, Chip and Joanna Gaines, who fix houses together. Chip is the contractor guru and Joanna can literally turn the ugliest house into the prettiest house you've ever seen - her style is amazing.

While the flipping houses aspect of it is certainly interesting, there's another part of the show that is just as inspiring to me - the relationship between Chip and Joanna.

It doesn't take you long after watching the show to realize that they have opposite personalities. Chip is the goofy, outgoing one, and Joanna is the more serious (but still funny!) one that usually has to do the hard things (like call a client and tell them about replacing the $7,000 AC unit).

They remind me a lot of Logan and myself. He's the one making silly jokes or doing goofy things, and I'm the one rolling my eyes.

But I have to admit that's where the similarities end. Chip and Joanna seem to have a mutual respect for their differences, and they are SO good at encouraging and affirming each other. Seriously. It's so cute. I know it's just a show and possibly edited, but there's no denying that Chip and Joanna's marriage is something special.

It's really made me think that I need to be better about how I talk to Logan.

So you know what I did? Without telling anybody, I decided I would try really, really hard to speak to Logan more respectfully and lovingly. No matter what. No matter if he was ugly to me, or ignored me, or what. I would stay calm and remember that he was my husband and we were in this together.

And this is where I admit I failed miserably.

But I was totally pregnant at the time and decided to give myself another chance when not pregnant.

I failed miserably. Again.

So I decided to just give myself a break because I had a tiny baby and was still hormonal. I eventually forgot all about my self-imposed challenge. I mean, I still tried to change how I spoke to Logan, but I didn't let it consume my thoughts or anything.

A couple months ago, over a year later, I realized there were some episodes of Fixer Upper on Hulu that I had never seen. So I started watching the show again and still found myself admiring the way Chip and Joanna interacted with each other.

The difference, though, is that it made me realize that Logan's and my relationship had vastly improved. I still have my moments where I snap back at him when he explodes over nothing. I still have a hard time holding back a snarky remark sometimes. But overall, I'm being more respectful and loving towards Logan. (He agrees, by the way.)

So what changed?

Honestly, I'm not sure. Part of me thinks small, daily efforts eventually grew into a bigger long-term effort. Part of me thinks it's because I've made more of an effort to be respectful and loving in my actions, which flows into my speech.

But I'll also admit that God's given me a heck of a lot of grace in the past year. To understand how Logan sees and hears things, and to realize how much of an impact I have on him - and it's up to me to decide if that impact is positive or negative.

So I try to remember to keep everything positive. It doesn't always happen, but knowing how far I've come in just a year gives me motivation to continue my efforts. My marriage is worth it, and it's crazy how much a TV show made me realize it.

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/how-watching-fixer-upper-changed-my.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-11391497725104858822017-10-24T06:39:00.000-05:002017-10-24T06:39:25.647-05:00Finances {day 24}
If you ask marriage experts for reasons that couples divorce (or heck, just do a google search), finances is usually one of top causes. Whether it's because of lack of money, or not seeing eye to eye on how to handle money, finances in general can just be extremely stressful in a marriage.

It's definitely been a struggle in the financial department for us. I wasn't expecting that. We both had a decent amount of savings going into our marriage, and we didn't have any debt.

While I am technically a Registered Nurse, I haven't been working in almost four years. We discerned that the best thing for our family was for me to stay home with our boys for the time being, and that may not always be the case, but for now it's what works for us.

We even recently revisited the idea of me returning to work, but both Logan and I felt like the timing was off. I've tried doing little side gigs, here and there, which certainly helped in some seasons, but right now we're not in a place where I can feasibly spend time on a home business without it causing undue stress on our marriage and family life.

Even though I knew God was calling me early on to be a stay-at-home mom and I'm so blessed to be able to do so, it hasn't been easy. I thought that God would bless Logan with a really good job that provides for all our needs and more. (That hasn't happened yet.) After all, if I'm able to stay home, my husband must make a heck of a lot of money, right?

Please excuse me while I giggle. A lot.

Up until four and a half years ago, Logan was still at the job he had had since high school, working for a landscaping company. He had a degree in film and started his own videography business since it was hard finding a job in his field.

Needless to say, he wasn't making a lot of money. To make things worse, neither one of us had benefits with our jobs. Our individual health insurance policy left a lot to be desired, so we had just paid a heck of a lot of money to have a baby. Since I was technically high-risk, we had a lot of extra medical expenses, and we assumed that each pregnancy would be the same. I also ended up on bedrest with my oldest so that meant I couldn't work.

Once our baby was born, I still worked part-time, because we desperately needed the extra money. At the time, Logan worked just Monday through Thursday because he worked longer days. So, I worked on Fridays while Logan stayed home with our baby. It worked well enough. Sometimes I worked other days that Logan was working too, and on those days I usually brought our baby to my cousin's house. I hated leaving my baby even that much, but I did it just enough to make ends meet. We were very fortunate that my job was pretty flexible - I was able to work on the days that were best for us.

Thankfully, Logan was able to get another job before our baby turned a year old. It was just as a valet driver, and although they don't make a whole lot anymore (people don't tip the way they used to, unfortunately), it was more than his previous job. Plus, he finally received benefits! For the first time in our marriage, we actually had dental and vision insurance too. It was lovely.

Even though it's been a few more years, we're still pretty much in the same financial situation. That means we've had to make sacrifices when it comes to how we save and spend money. We've never had cable television, we don't go on fancy vacations, we don't buy new vehicles, and we don't eat out much - and if we do, we usually skip appetizers, fancy drinks, and dessert. That's just the beginning, and I know a lot of you understand and do the same.

In a way, I'm grateful for having to struggle a little bit, because I've gained some mad budgeting skills and have learned to be frugal. I know that just because Logan is the one earning the money, it doesn't mean that I don't have any responsibility. I've learned that I need to do my part - stick to the budget and cut costs where I can. Sometimes it means using cloth diapers, other times it means making all of our breakfasts from scratch instead of relying on cereal. (Because let's be real, I'd much rather bake than add to the never-ending laundry.)

It's easy to think that life would be easier if only we had more money. And I guess in some ways it would be - I could order pizza or takeout more often, like on those crazy days where I didn't even get a moment to think about what we would eat for dinner. Or when one of our vehicles kept dying, it wouldn't have been so stressful had we actually had enough money to just buy another vehicle.

But I know that having more money wouldn't solve anything. In some ways, it could cause more problems. My parents always say that "the more money you make, the more you spend." It's so true - we live in a society that constantly wants more.

Living on a budget is a good reality check. Heck, it's humbling. There have been so many times where I'm checking out at the store, counting the cash in my envelope labeled "grocery money", saying a silent prayer that my total isn't higher than the amount of money in my hand. I always have to add up my groceries in my head as I shop to make sure I don't spend too much. Sometimes I can't help but see people quickly swipe their credit card without a thought and wish I could just do the same.

Our financial situation has been hard at times on our marriage, but I can't help but think it's helped us too. We constantly have to be communicating about how much money we have and decide together what we want to spend that money on. We have to be on the same page to make our budget work.

It's also helped us realize what we really care about in life - experiences and vacations spent together, with our kids, instead of the newest gadgets and vehicles.

So in a way - as with many other trials in marriage - I've learned to be grateful for our limited income, because it brings Logan and me together in a way I never expected.

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/finances-day-24.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-72072342384158480762017-10-23T06:30:00.000-05:002017-10-23T06:30:18.542-05:00That whole "be submissive" thing {day 23}
I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding Ephesians 5, where St. Paul supposedly tells women that they need to do whatever men tell them.

For the record, that's not what he's saying. Here's the passage:

Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:21–24, NRSV)
I think a lot of people forget about the verses that follow, which are actually even longer instructions for men. But I'm a big advocate for looking up verses on your own so pull out your Bible and read verses 25-33.

I think people also gloss over the verse before, which is telling spouses to be submissive to each other: Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21, NRSV). It's a two-way street, you guys.

But anyways. St. Paul is saying that the man is the head of the household, though, and I know that's a really hard thing to grasp, especially in this day and age - women want to be equals and have all the same rights as men.

Well, I personally think men and women were created differently for a reason, and while men are the HEAD of the household, women are the HEART. (The credit to that concept goes to Pope Pius XI, by the way.) They are two completely different roles, but both are vital to the marriage. Without one, the other is useless.

Honestly, there have been times where I really didn't want to "be submissive." I was right, Logan was wrong, and I made sure Logan knew that. Sometimes it feels like I'm better at being the head and Logan is better at being the heart. But what I've come to realize is that our family is only thriving when we stay in our God-given roles. When I force Logan to make a decision based on how I feel, things are off. He ends up resenting me, and I become prideful, and well, it's not good for either of us.

A few years ago, it seemed like Logan was not doing his part, though. He will agree that there were times in our marriage where I was constantly pushing him (nagging might be more accurate, sadly) to be better. To pray more, to find a better job, etc.

You know what, though? A man can only be the head of our household if we let them. That means to back off, sister. (And I mean that in the most loving way possible, and it's something I'm telling myself most of all.)

Men can't make decisions if we're pressuring them. (Well, they can, but they're more likely to be really dumb ones.)

Men can't take charge if we're trying to take charge. Men can't love us as Christ loved the church if we're constantly nagging him.

Don't get me wrong, women have every right to explain how they are feeling in any given situation and to give their opinion on a course of action. I know I certainly do that. (I've had to really work on my delivery, though, which is an important factor.) A husband and wife are a team. But if Logan and I don't agree? I have to leave the decision up to him. I know he loves me, and he's doing what he thinks is best for all of us, even if I don't agree with it. Sometimes he sees things I don't, especially when hormones are involved, and I need to respect that.

Sometimes he makes mistakes. We all do. But I still need to let him.

When I respect Logan - and his decisions, even when I don't like it - is when Logan blossoms (sorry, that sounds weird, but it's the only word I can think of at the moment!). It's amazing how much good Logan can do for our family when I just let him. He appreciates the fact that I trust him with the responsibility to do what he thinks is best for our family. And it teaches me a lesson in pride and humility, which I need.

Sometimes it's hard to let Logan be the head, but I have to remember that it also means that he has the more difficult role. I'm not saying it's easier to be a man - because, hello, pregnancy and childbirth - but I do think they have the greater responsibility. Men have to love their wives as Christ loved the Church - and Christ loved the Church a heck of a lot! There's a lot more to that analogy but this post is already long enough.

So! I highly, highly recommend listening to Dr. Brant Pitre's talk Wives Do What? Ephesians 5 and St. Paul's Life-Changing Vision of the Christian Family. (You can buy the CD or MP3 here.) He says all of this, plus much more, so much better than me and is obviously much more qualified than me to do so.

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/that-whole-be-submissive-thing-day-23.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-74030870354117031152017-10-22T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-22T07:00:05.034-05:00Changing tides {day 22)
Five months before our wedding, Logan and I decided to see the same priest for confession so he could hold us accountable in regards to purity. It was getting harder and harder the closer we got to our vows, which of course is totally normal.

One night, we had a really good night together - we watched a movie, read some of a book together, and talked. Normally a night like that would end with us kissing just a little too passionately, as we were very ready to be husband and wife. But this particular night, Logan told me that he wasn't going to make out with me. Instead, he kissed me sweetly and whispered a bunch of things (all of which I do not remember, but I'm sure they were sweet!) as he looked at me with so much love in his eyes.

I nearly cried. I could truly feel Logan's love for me, and I could tell that as Logan grew in his love for God, he grew in his love for me as well. I felt so incredibly lucky.

Fast forward a few years, the beginning of this year actually, to when we had three young boys, ages 4 and under. The vehicle Logan drove to work had stranded him on the Interstate - for the second time in two months. So we spent over $200 on a rental car for him to drive because I needed our family van to bring our oldest to preschool every day. Our teething baby would not stop screaming unless someone was holding him (and sometimes not even then), our toddler and preschooler seemed to have endless reserves of energy, Logan's patience level was close to nonexistent, and I was not getting much sleep. I felt so spent, Logan felt so unloved, and oh, the money we had been saving up for a fence - so our energetic boys could run outside with reckless abandon - might need to be used to purchase another vehicle.

Needless to say, when Logan looked at me during that ridiculous time, I did not feel the love that I had felt 8 years before. Nope.

Thankfully, God provided as our vehicle was able to fixed for less than we had anticipated, and we ended up replacing that vehicle once we found a too-good-to-be-true deal on a used SUV. Plus, we were blessed over the next couple of months with a lot of free materials to turn our backyard into the perfect place for our boys.

In the moment, though, when the world seems to be against you - it feels like it will never let up. Even though hard times are usually temporary, it's not always easy to remember that. Just like the tides had changed from that romantic evening during our engagement to our overwhelmed family of five, the tides are constantly changing. The key is to ride out the waves together until the water calms down again.

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/changing-tides-day-22.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-45376092962930739732017-10-21T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-21T07:24:57.963-05:00Competition {day 21}
Anybody who knows Logan and me, knows we're extremely competitive with each other. I've chilled out about it over the years, but Logan still gets so frustrated when I beat him at something - which is usually what happens. Wink.

Our competitiveness started when we were dating. We're both athletic, and the one sport we're both pretty good at - but never played officially - is tennis. So we often played tennis together, and man, those games got intense.

More recently, we've played doubles with my brother, Michael, and our friend, Brian, while on vacation. And because Logan and I are so competitive, we can't be on the same team - there would be just way too much arguing. So that meant Brian and I would play against Logan and Michael. It actually worked out better for me that way, since I would get a kick out of my brother getting annoyed at Logan, and then when Brian and I would (inevitably) win, I got to rub it in both my brother's and my husband's faces.

I'm a real treat. Can't you tell?

Now that Logan and I are married with kids underfoot, our competitiveness takes place in the form of board games. Scrabble, Checkers, Monopoly, you name it - we play it and we play it hard. We also play darts in our garage while the boys are running around, as well as shooting games with the toddler basketball goal. There is a lot of smack talk. No shame.

Most of my friends don't really seem as competitive with their spouses, which makes me wonder if perhaps Logan and I need to take it down a notch. But then I think that because we're so competitive, we make a great team when we actually work together.

If Logan and I are both extremely motivated to get a project done, or to clean the house before or after we host a party, or to quickly get the boys bathed and in bed early? Watch out, y'all. We get on it. Our competitive minds jump on the same team and get things done.

I guess we should remember that it's okay to have a little dose of healthy competition every once in awhile. The problem comes when you're competitive in ways that are detrimental to your marriage - thinking your way to do things is always the best way (from something trivial like how to load the dishwasher to something more significant like parenting techniques), who does more work, who makes the most money, the list goes on and on. That kind of competition is a great way to destroy your relationship.

I recently read something about healthy competition in marriage, how you see who can "out love" the other. Basically, try to see who can serve each other best. I think that's a pretty cool concept, as long as you don't go overboard and find yourself getting a little prideful about it. It's easy to start off with a healthy mindset and suddenly realize you're getting resentful when your spouse is serving you better. (Which is ridiculous, I know, but it can happen.)

Whew, competition can be complicated! But I do know it keeps our marriage alive and well, even when I beat Logan at Checkers a dozen times in a row. 😉

Can you guess who won Scrabble Apple based on this picture?

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/competition-day-20.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-47453848793984276592017-10-20T06:30:00.000-05:002017-10-20T06:30:06.683-05:00Togetherness {day 20}
One of my favorite books about marriage (that I didn't read until last year) is A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken. I don't want to ruin my favorite part for those of you who haven't read it yet, but there was another part that has stuck with me. (If you do read it, be warned that it starts off slow. But power through and it'll be worth it!)

Sheldon and his wife talked about what they thought was the problem of failed love. They thought the answer was "creeping separateness" - doing things on your own, having your own interests. Instead of doing everything together, you gradually end up doing more things on your own. While adultery or boredom or something else might happen, Sheldon and his wife came to the conclusion that it was first caused by "the creeping separateness: the failure behind the failure" (page 37).

Gosh, I can totally see that. It's so easy to get caught up in our own hobbies, where one spouse is reading a book and and the other is watching random videos, or one spouse is exercising while the other is crafting it up. All of that is fine, as long as you're doing things together too. But I know how easy it is to let a day or two go by and realize we haven't done much with our spouse. Complicated work schedules and needy children can make couple time seem nearly impossible sometimes.

When Logan and I were dating early on in our relationship, I thought it was so strange how much he liked watching NASCAR races. I mean, all they do is drive around in circles. What's the fun in that? I would watch the races with him (out of a sense of obligation) but not really enjoy it.

But that was several years ago. Although he doesn't watch every single race anymore, there was a time where I actually liked watching NASCAR with him. Turns out it's a lot more than guys just driving around. Logan had his favorite driver, and I picked a favorite too, so it was fun having "my driver" beat his. (I liked Carl Edwards and Logan has always been a big fan of Dale Earnhardt, Jr….in case you were curious.)

My sport growing up was soccer. Logan actually played for a couple years in elementary school, but other than, he didn't really care about soccer - until we started dating. I played for our high school, and I still remember Logan coming to the games, sometimes with a big sign cheering me on. He also has grown to love watching professional soccer games on television, and even surprised me with tickets to see the U.S. Women's National Soccer team when they played in New Orleans a couple years ago.

So yes, we very much still have our own hobbies - I love to read and write and he definitely does not, and he lifts weights and works out while I definitely do not. After the kids are in bed, I'm perfectly content staying inside reading a book while he works out. And he's perfectly content watching TV while I blog.

But we both love watching football together every week (and playing Fantasy Football, holler!), and we both like to run. Because we like hanging out together, we've also grown to love each other's hobbies too.

It does take some awareness to notice that "creeping separateness," but perhaps that's the perfect time to take more interest in one of your spouse's hobbies or to even start a new one together.

We ran a couple of 5Ks together earlier this year! Logan is great at cheering me on when I want to stop. 😊

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/togetherness-day-20.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-44498205550098382342017-10-19T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-19T07:00:34.449-05:00The best surprise ever {day 19}
While our initial adjustment from two to three kids wasn't too bad, I struggled once our third baby, Aaron, was three months old. He stopped sleeping well, our other boys kind of went crazy, I couldn't keep up with housework despite taking a break from the Internet, and I just didn't know what God was trying to teach me throughout it all.

One weekend when Aaron was five months old, I had pretty much the hardest weekend with the kids since becoming a family of five. Logan was at work all weekend, of course, and when he got home, he could tell I needed a break.

Thankfully, we just so happened to be taking care of my cousin's dog at the time while they were out of town. Normally, Logan would drive to their house (10-15 minutes away) to feed the dog and let her back inside for the night. But this particular night, he told me to go so I could get out of the house for a bit.

It was much needed. When I returned, our two older boys were in bed, and Logan told me to take off my pullover (it was actually cold for once in Louisiana). So I did. Then he told me to take off my shirt. I rolled my eyes but Logan insisted, "Just trust me!" So I took off my shirt. He continued to ask me to take off another article of clothing, and then another, and I really had no clue what he was getting at - especially because he was holding our wide-awake baby and I knew it wasn't like we were about to get it on or anything. Yet he kept insisting that I trust him. Normally I would totally resist Logan's weird shenanigans like that but I think I was too tired to care at that point. It had been a really rough weekend. Heck, it had been a rough couple of months.

Once I was completely naked in our living room (why yes, he continued to ask me to take off one article of clothing after another until none were left), Logan led me to the guest bathroom, opened the door, and said, "Go have a moment to yourself." I looked inside and saw the bath tub full of piping hot water, surrounded by lit candles, and there was a glass of wine propped up on the side.

It was a little piece of Heaven, I tell you. Logan has certainly done his fair share of awesome surprises, but this one ranks up at the top because it was exactly what I needed at that time. I think a lot of time he feels almost at a loss for what to do when he sees me struggling, but this time he totally nailed it - even though I'm not a big fan of baths. Once I made myself comfortable in the hot water, took a sip of wine, and opened my Kindle Paperwhite, I thought, Why have I never done this before?

Unfortunately, the blissful bath didn't even last ten minutes because our baby wouldn't stop screaming for me. Hashtag real life. Logan even tried to walk outside with him so I wouldn't hear, but a momma can hear her baby's cries anywhere. So after I realized my baby was not calming down at all, I reluctantly got out to go rescue Logan. He was upset, naturally, since he wanted me to be able to enjoy the bath. But like I told him, it really was the effort that counted. In my mind, he earned a million brownie points - which is exactly why I let him take advantage of the still-hot water while I nursed our baby to sleep.

Somehow Logan manages to surprise me with exactly what I need, and sometimes it's something I didn't even realize I needed! I can count on one hand the number of times I've had a bath in my adult life, and most of those were when I was pregnant and on bedrest. But thanks to his awesome surprise, I now know that a hot bath and silence is exactly what I need sometimes. The candles and wine are just a bonus.

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-best-surprise-ever-day-19.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-42712950720043625962017-10-18T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-18T07:00:00.173-05:00The sneaky one {day 18}
There are several things that have surprised me about marriage, but one of the biggest is how much the devil wants to ruin everything. Sometimes it's easy to notice when he's attacking our marriage, but more often than not, he's so, so sneaky about it.

The first time I was bombarded by evil thoughts was on our honeymoon, which I already shared about earlier this month. A couple years ago, though, I experienced for the first time an intense battle in my head between good and evil. Logan and I had been doing well, and we were enjoying our boys - Landon was 2.5 years old and Chase was 9 months old.

I had just had an extremely frustrating night, though (while Logan had a fun night with friends), and we were trying to talk things out. Even though I really wanted to just go to bed and forget about it, I was going out of town the next morning with the boys and wouldn't see Logan for a few days. So, we needed to make things right.

As Logan and I talked, I knew the devil was trying to get me to hold onto my anger towards Logan and blame him for my terrible night. It was ridiculous, really.

And then there was God, prompting me to let go of my pride and talk to Logan honesty - and fairly. There was nothing wrong with me being frustrated but Logan definitely did not deserve to be the bad guy.

Thankfully, God sent me some extra graces, and I admitted to Logan how I shouldn't blame him and that my anger overwhelms me sometimes. The Holy Spirit took over just then, as Logan brought to light the fact that the devil was trying to ruin the good life we had going. He was right.

I knew we defeated evil in that moment, because it felt like it left the room as soon as we made things right. It sounds crazy, but I definitely felt the triumph of good over evil that night.

Sometimes life isn't like that though. Since I'm sure the devil hates the fact that I'm blogging about marriage all month, plus the fact that we're doing well right now, Logan and I have felt under attack more than usual these past few weeks. Last week, I was having the most frustrating day in awhile - I had to cancel my prayer group for the second week in a row, my oven wasn't working, our entire house smelled like gas so I thought the oven had a leak (it didn't, thankfully, just a broken part), our baby was especially fussy because of a yucky cough, the dog barked and woke up fussy baby after a much-too-short nap, and well, you get the idea.

Even though all of those things weren't anything major, there was one moment where I felt utterly despondent and it took a lot to not just burst into tears. A few minutes later, Logan texted me from work, where apparently he was having a frustrating day also and said he was feeling depressed.

Warning bells went off in my head. Logan and I were both feeling hopeless, for completely different reasons. I knew the devil was working overtime.

I texted Logan back saying I thought we should go to confession, which thankfully was being offered at our church later that day. We were able to both receive the Sacrament, and I honestly thought all would be well after that.

Not so. Logan and I were both struggling with things for the rest of the evening, our kids were being crazy, and it almost felt like we hadn't even gone to confession. While it was tempting to fall back into despair again (darn you, melancholic temperament!), I knew it was exactly what the devil wanted us to do.

So we powered through the night and had a fresh perspective on life when we woke up the next morning.

It's not always easy to know when your marriage is being attacked, but it's important that we're aware of the fact that the devil wants to tear marriages apart. Sometimes he does it when we we're at our weakest, but other times he does it when we're at our strongest - when we think that there's no possible way he could hurt us.

The devil is a sneaky one. He wants us to let down our guard. He wants us to let him sow seeds of bitterness, resentment, and despair into our hearts and into our marriage - without us even realizing.

That's why it's important to stay united to God through prayer and the sacraments, so you can stay united to your spouse when you're under attack.

St. Michael, defend us in battle!

I got this at Edel from Santa Clara Design Print Shop. It seemed appropriate. 😉

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-sneaky-one-day-18.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-13139870180892195652017-10-17T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-17T07:00:35.731-05:00Come at me, life {day 17}
Sometimes life makes it nearly impossible to focus on your marriage. Jobs, children, other responsibilities - there are a million and one reasons I can think of that prevent me from making my husband a priority.

But I also know that when I do make the extra effort to keep Logan a top priority, those are the times that I feel like I could conquer anything. Everything in our house could be breaking, our children could be losing their ever-loving minds, and our checking account could be, well, pitiful. If Logan and I are thriving as a married couple though? All of that other stuff feels so trivial.

When Logan and I are struggling, though, life feels so differently. We could actually be doing well financially, our kids are being cooperative, and in general, life is just pretty good. But I have a hard time noticing all of those good things when my marriage is in a rut.

Can you relate? I hope so.

One of my good friends seems to be one of those people that when it rains, it pours. If something crazy is going to happen, it's going to happen to her. But she always seems to handle it so well, and I think a big part of that is because her marriage is solid. It's inspiring, really.

I have to admit, Logan and I are in a sweet spot right now (which is probably a big reason why I have the guts - and have been given the grace - to write about marriage this month). We've been working together really well lately and are really enjoying each other's company. It's definitely not always the case, but I can appreciate these good times that much more because we've totally had our share of disillusionment in marriage.

I also know that we're in a good groove right now because we're both putting forth more effort into our relationship than usual - despite life trying to get us to do otherwise. Life is certainly not perfect, by any means. So that means it has taken some creativity to keep our marriage a priority, especially with Logan's unusual work schedule, our baby who doesn't like to sleep, our limited budget, and my ridiculous Creighton chart (keeping it real, you guys). But like I keep saying - it's totally worth the effort.

Lately, when Logan is not at work in the evening and as soon as our family finishes up dinner (and its subsequent dance party in the kitchen, holler), one of us tackles the dishes and kitchen clean-up while the other helps the kids bathe and/or get ready for bed. Usually Logan handles the kids while I do the dishes, but sometimes he prefers the dishes so we switch up. Whatever we need to do to make it happen!

By the time we both finish our respective duties, we have a couple hours to hang out, just the two of us. Of course, sometimes (okay, a lot of times lately), a certain one-year old is still awake, but even then we're still able to have quality adult conversation.

It's hard to figure out how exactly to work together in any given situation (and decide who prefers which responsibilities), but once we do, it proves that working together in all aspects of life is the best thing for both our marriage and our family.

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/come-at-me-life-day-17.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-15788688499091839102017-10-16T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-16T07:00:11.451-05:00Embrace the weirdness {day 16}
One day - in the not so distant past - I walked into our kitchen to Logan dressed in all white, dancing with a broom. He was imitating Mr. Clean.

I've lost count of how many times Logan - when we're out in public - gets down on one knee and acts like he's about to propose. Again. Just to embarrass me.

Nothing shocks me anymore, I tell you. That's life with Logan. There are many adjectives I could use to describe him, but maybe I should just go with "unique". Sometimes it's a little annoying that he sometimes acts, um, childish, but a lot of times it's hilarious. I've learned to embrace the weirdness.

I've blogged about how he (very willingly) picked out my clothes for a week and found a cute dress on our Goodwill date. He probably cares more about my wardrobe than I do, but I suppose that's a good thing, because I certainly need help in the fashion department.

More recently, Logan became determined to learn how to braid. I'm not sure why really, as our kids are all boys, and I hadn't worn my hair in a braid since I was a kid. And Logan wasn't even satisfied with learning how to do a simple braid - he wanted to learn how to French braid. Go big or go home, I guess.

It took him a few days of practicing, but I'm proud to report that Logan has mastered the French braid. I have no idea how to do it, and I don't really care to learn. We don't have any girls yet, but we do have two nieces, which turns out to be one of the reasons Logan wanted to learn. And if we ever did have any girls, Logan would most definitely be in charge of fixing their hair.

I just need to point out that as I was sitting at the table writing this section, Logan started braiding my hair (and he had no idea what I was writing about).

Since a lot of times we're unaware of what other people find weird about us, I asked Logan what he thought my quirks were. Most of them I already knew he found annoying - flossing my teeth, using cruise control while driving all of the time, following the rules. (Apparently, he has a problem with me doing things THE RIGHT WAY. Whatevs. I still love him.) But one I really didn't even realize I was doing half of the time - sniffing my hair. Yes, that sounds weird, and yes, Logan could have probably been a little nicer when he pointed it out to me, but now I realize every time I do it and inwardly groan because man, Logan was right.

Everyone has their quirks, though. It's easy to let those quirks become annoyances which become major roadblocks in a relationship. I know it's our job to get each other to Heaven, and it's certainly our obligation to gently point out certain behaviors that might be sinful.

But a lot of things are pretty insignificant in the big picture. So pick your battles and embrace the weirdness.

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/embrace-weirdness-day-16.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-63592511053546640522017-10-15T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-15T07:00:10.813-05:00Being vulnerable {day 15}
I can't help but think how the times Logan and I feel closest are the times we're really open with each other - about our struggles, our sins, or whatever is on our hearts.

It's hard to talk about what's going on inside you, especially depending on your temperament, because sometimes you can't even explain your crazy thoughts. It's even harder not knowing how the other person will react. And it's even harder when you know that whatever is on your heart might hurt or upset your spouse.

But I think it's harder keeping all of that to yourself. It's hard to live with someone and not share everything with them. It's hard to grow closer to someone when you're keeping things to yourself.

Being vulnerable with your spouse is how you grow closer to each other.

Maybe you're married to someone who has gotten some major walls built up, and you've tried everything to break down those walls. Maybe you're desperate to know how your spouse is really feeling or what's going on in his mind, but he just can't bring himself to open up to you. Or maybe your spouse is an open book and I'm actually describing you.

Well, I'm definitely not a psychologist and I'm certainly not an expert, but either way, I think that sometimes you have to put yourself out there if you want someone to do the same. One spouse has to share first, and the hope is that the other one will reciprocate. But it has to start somewhere.

Perhaps you also just need to let your beloved know that you're there for them, no matter what, and that whenever they're ready to share his/her heart, you're ready to listen.

I know some people automatically try to offer a solution to someone's problem. You know what I mean…they feel an overwhelming sense to fix everything. I suppose we're all guilty of that at some point. But sometimes - I daresay a lot of times - people don't necessarily want a solution. They just want someone to listen. To know they have your support.

To love them unfailingly and unreservedly, no matter what.

Whenever Logan shares a struggle with me, sometimes my first instinct is to freak out a little inside, because how the heck did I not know he was feeling that way? Why did he not tell me this before? How long has he been struggling with this and why have I never asked??

But I have to stop myself and remember to not make it about me. Logan is sharing his heart, which is not something that comes easily to everyone (especially men), and I need to make sure Logan knows how appreciative I am of that and that I'm not going to judge him or criticize him.

I just want him to know I love him.

There have been times where I debated about whether or not I should talk to Logan about a particular issue I was struggling with, and sometimes I ended up just praying about it. God would do one of two things: 1) give me the grace to finally talk to Logan, or 2) place the same particular issue on Logan's heart, who then brought it up with me. (I told you prayer is powerful in a marriage!)

But one thing is always the same - I need to be vulnerable with Logan, and he needs to be vulnerable right back. He can't read my mind (although sometimes that's debatable!), so he doesn't always know what I'm thinking unless I tell him. We've had dozens of difficult conversations over the years, but it's always been a necessary step in understanding each other and getting on the same page. And as time goes on, being vulnerable with each other becomes less awkward and actually is one of my favorite parts of our relationship. I know I can tell him anything, and vice versa. There's not too much that can shake a relationship where both parties are completely honest and open with each other, in every aspect of life.

On our "Goodwill date" where we each picked an outfit for each other and wore it to dinner afterwards. I was feeling pretty vulnerable 😂

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/being-vulnerable-day-15.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-66032099681481951592017-10-14T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-14T07:00:10.797-05:00Just take out the garbage please {day 14}
Even though Logan is great at surprises, he is not good at taking out the garbage. He will have spurts where he kind of stays on top of it, but for the most part, he forgets and/or procrastinates on both emptying the trash cans in the house and bringing the outside trash can to the curb. Plus, he has this pet peeve about putting bigger items (think cereal boxes, empty cartons, etc.) in the garbage can, so he leaves those bigger items on our counter until he empties the garbage can in the kitchen.

 Because he tends to procrastinate, what usually ends up happening is our kitchen trash can is overflowing and our counters are covered with bigger trash items - and Logan still waits to take out the garbage. I don't understand it at all. It is not that hard to empty the trash can or walk a couple items to the outside garbage can. But for some reason, Logan just cannot handle it….which of course I find extremely frustrating.

 After years of being resentful about how terrible Logan is at taking out the garbage, though, and learning that nagging him does not help whatsoever, I just take out the garbage myself if I need to.

 Some might think that's enabling Logan's ridiculousness, and you would be right if I still continued to nag him about it. But instead, I just take out the garbage without telling Logan anything. I consider it more of a sacrifice that I'm doing because I love him. I don't want to nag him or grow resentful, so I (try to) do it out love. He obviously hates taking out the garbage, and I don't think it's a big deal, so just doing it myself is better for both of us.

 Let me be clear - I do not always succeed at taking out the garbage out of love for Logan. Sometimes I have to really stifle those resentful thoughts. I have proof in my journals about every year or so that I've had to recommit to just taking the garbage out myself instead of nagging Logan about it (and yes, I realize how silly that sounds). But as the years go by, I'm realizing that the more I do small things that I consider a sacrifice, the easier they become.

 What's even better is that Logan tends to notice when I do chores around the house that usually I expect him to do. So when he sees me taking out the garbage, or giving the kids a bath, he turns around and starts washing dishes in appreciation. It's a win-win.

 Logan and I have also realized just how much smoother things go if we work together and part of that is learning which chores one of us prefers over the other.

 Since I already explained how Logan isn't good at taking out the garbage, I should admit that I'm pretty terrible at meal planning. Just like Logan and the garbage, I'll have spurts where I'm on top of meals and cooking and all is well. And there are other times where I'm just so overwhelmed and realizing at 5pm that I hadn't even thought about what we will eat for dinner.

 So Logan helps me out a lot. He's usually really good at thinking about something new to eat or something we haven't had in awhile, or a way to use leftovers. And during the phases of life where it's really hard for me to spend an hour in the kitchen cooking - I'm looking at you, pregnancy, or whenever I have a ridiculously fussy baby at my feet - having Logan team up with me is a huge help. We often plan our meals for the week together, and usually half of them are meals that Logan is able to start or do completely on his own if needed. It's actually worked out really well lately, because I'll be helping Landon with his homework (while holding a fussy baby, ugh) while Logan can start fixing dinner if I haven't already.

 I know some people think that certain responsibilities should be gender-specific - like men should take out the garbage and women should cook - but I think it's more important to work together that benefits your specific family the best. Obviously, this will look differently for everybody.

 Many of my friends' husbands handle their family's finances. While I would love for Logan to have that responsibility too, it makes the most sense for me to do it because I tend to do better with numbers. Logan said from the beginning, way back when we were engaged, that he really wanted me to handle our finances, and while I used to be really annoyed with that - because gosh, budgeting can be so stressful - now I know that everybody has things they are good at. Those husbands that handle the finances might never ever vacuum or mop floors. Logan, on the other hand, is very good at cleaning our floors and does it when I'm having a hard time making it a priority. (Like, um, when I decide to blog every day for a month.)

 The point is, figure out how best you and your spouse work together, and of course involve your kids if they're old enough. Each marriage and family looks different than the next, and there's nothing wrong with that. The important thing is to work together and maximize your abilities!

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/just-take-out-garbage-please-day-14.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-60763040818470326872017-10-13T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-13T07:00:16.835-05:00Disillusionment {day 13}
Earlier this year, our church parish hosted a date night for couples, which included dinner, dancing, and a talk by a married couple. During their talk, the speaker couple explained that marriage goes in a cycle - from the Honeymoon Stage to Disillusionment. When you're in Disillusionment, you have to make a choice or decision - to divorce, separate, or stay. Assuming you choose to stay and manage to work things out, you eventually reach True Joy.

According to Google's dictionary, disillusionment is "a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be". The first time I felt that in my marriage was not long after the wedding, ironically enough. But just a couple months later, we were back in True Joy.

That talk at my church was a big epiphany for me, because I can look back and see several times when were were in Disillusionment, and just as many times that we were in True Joy. It really is true - marriage has a cycle.

Unfortunately, it's not possible to say in True Joy forever. But I've realized that when we're in Disillusionment, it's the perfect time to challenge ourselves to do more and put more effort into our marriage. So many couples get so discouraged in Disillusionment that it leads to divorce, and while I know there are exceptions, I do think that many marriages could be saved by just doing simple things. If you're at a loss as to what to do for your spouse, focus on their love languages. You really can't go wrong.

Logan and I always seem to really struggle when I'm pregnant, and then we struggle again when our babies are around 6 months old. By that point, I'm pretty burnt out on breastfeeding and trying to keep up with everything. When our middle son, Chase, was around that age, Logan and I hit a rough patch. I felt overwhelmed with trying to keep up with the kids, bills, housework, etc., and it seemed like Logan was expecting too much of me. Basically, we were not on the same page about anything.

One night, we had a tiff over something - I'll spare the details but let's just leave it at this: I totally understood why people divorce. I had never felt so under-appreciated and distant from the one person who was supposed to be my partner in life. (Logan has felt the same way about me at times, too, because it's definitely a two-way street.)

We've had several other times like that in our marriage, and it always feels the same - like we're complete strangers. I wonder why the heck we got married, why we're even together, and wonder if it's always going to be this way. It's a pretty miserable feeling, and I cannot imagine having another issue to go along with that, like abuse or addiction. (But I know those situations are much more common than we think.)

The couple who spoke about the cycle of marriage was right - it's a cycle. Just like you can't stay in True Joy forever, you don't stay in Disillusionment forever. You have a choice. You can run away - which often feels like the easiest solution, I'm not going to lie - or you can stick it out and make it work.

Like I said before, a lot of times it doesn't take much to turn things around. Sure, it feels like a lot of work, but it's not. Sometimes the hardest part is acknowledging how prideful I'm being in a certain situation, or to realize I'm subconsciously keeping score when it comes to how many responsibilities we each have, or to just go to Confession because I'm being so bitter and resentful I can't think rationally.

Just start with one small thing, and go from there. Don't believe the lie that you're stuck in an unhappy marriage or that there's no possible way to reach True Joy. It's definitely possible, and it does take work, but once you're over that "hump", so to speak, you'll have a hard time remembering why you were ever disillusioned in the first place.

Once you realize that marriage really does continue in this cycle - a vicious cycle, it seems sometimes - you'll be prepared for the next time Disillusionment rolls around. You will know from experience that although it feels like it will last forever, it won't, and that you will make the decision to stay in it together until you finally reach True Joy again.

True joy, obviously 😉❤

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/disillusionment-day-13.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-38663786449324859052017-10-12T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-12T07:00:14.051-05:00I hate surprises. Usually. {day 12}
(This story might sound familiar to some of you longtime readers but I added some details!)

I've never been a big fan of surprises. I like to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, and how it's going to happen.

Logan, on the other hand, loves surprises. So that means he often surprises me, and I have to admit he's so good at it that I usually don't mind.

Two years ago when we had a 1-year old and a 3-year old, I committed to running a huge silent auction (for the second year in a row) for one of our favorite non-profit organizations. It was a lot of work, and I spent most of my spare time for months on auction tasks.

Logan had been saying he wanted to take me out a date night the week before the auction (in November), since he knew I'd be stressed and would need a night out. That was so, so true - especially because we actually found out I was pregnant just three weeks before the event.

He had one of our good friends, Lindsey - godmother to our middle child - come over to watch the boys while we went to dinner. On the way to the restaurant, Logan told me he was proud of all the work I was doing and that he wanted to give me kind of an early Christmas gift. He handed me Matthew West's new CD.

Matthew West is one of my favorite Christian artists, and I actually named my blog after some of his lyrics. I already had some of his other CDs and didn't even realize he came out with a new one, so I thought it was such a sweet gift.

Then I opened the CD and found 2 concert tickets. To Matthew West. That night. Say what?

I should mention that Matthew West had never come to our state of Louisiana - that I was aware of - so I had never seen him in concert even though I've always really, really wanted to. So when I realized that we were actually going to Matthew West's concert instead of dinner, I couldn't believe it. How in the world did Logan pull this off without me realizing? Why did I not know this concert was even happening? Honestly, Logan is a terrible liar and I usually know when he's up to something, but I guess I was too preoccupied with the pregnancy and the auction.

At first, I kind of panicked a little because we had told Lindsey we were just going to dinner twenty minutes away. But we were actually going to a concert an hour away. That's a much longer date than I had anticipated! Logan assured me, though, that Lindsey knew the real plans from the beginning, so I took a big sigh of relief and tried not to stress.

My second thought was: What are we going to eat then? Because, pregnancy. I was in the midst of the first trimester and around-the-clock nausea, and I was counting on eating in the next twenty minutes. Based on our route to the concert, I knew there wasn't anywhere to stop for at least that long - and it would be mostly fast food, something I rarely eat. Plus, I had really been looking forward to eating at the restaurant where I thought we had reservations.

But before I could even voice my concerns aloud, Logan pulls out a bag of takeout sushi from behind my seat.

I totally cried. I'm not a big crier but for some reason the tears kept coming. I had probably only cried one other time that Logan did something so romantic - and he's done a lot of romantic things. I mean, I didn't even cry at our wedding or when he proposed! I was already so surprised at the whole concert thing, since Matthew West legitimately is one of my favorite singers. Yet Logan had to go and surprise me again with one of my favorite takeout foods.

Logan regrets not having the whole surprise on video, but I'm totally fine not having evidence of my emotional instability. I wanted to blame the pregnancy hormones but it was probably a combination of that, stress about the auction, and being so thankful I married a romantic.

And because Logan absolutely thinks of everything, he even sprayed a bunch of Febreeze in the car so I wouldn't smell the sushi. Now that's how you surprise your pregnant wife!

Super blurry picture but it's the only picture we took of us at the concert!

Jenhttp://email@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/i-hate-surprises-usually-day-12.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-26182315220922727502017-10-11T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-12T14:52:44.704-05:00Praying for your spouse {day 11}
Since I have difficult pregnancies, I can't do nearly as much as I would like around the house and I have to limit errands outside the house because they tend to bring on contractions. That means Logan has even more responsibilities, which is hard because he's already worried about our baby in utero. He tends to freak out whenever I do too much.

When I was pregnant with our middle son, Chase - which was probably our most difficult pregnancy to date - I couldn't help but feel like the pregnancy would be much less stressful if Logan would just chill out. He didn't want me to bake if we had too many dirty dishes already, but then he didn't want me to dirty any more dishes once they were all clean! It was slightly ridiculous - and that was just one example.

Even though I noticed that I had more contractions when I had a busy day, I just wanted Logan to trust me enough to know that I would stop and rest when I felt like my body needed it.

I felt bad complaining (to myself, and in my journal) about Logan so much, because I knew how hard he was working and that he was stressed and all…but he was seriously stressing me out more than the pregnancy at one point.

During this whole frustrating time, I had started to ask St. Joseph for his intercession for Logan. I knew St. Joseph understood Logan and his overwhelming sense of responsibility for his pregnant wife and family. So, I prayed a novena to St. Joseph specifically for Logan to be less stressed and for him to be able to handle everything better throughout the pregnancy.

I kid you not, right after I finished that novena and the day after I journaled about my frustrations with Logan, he suddenly told me how he wouldn't tell me what to do or not to do anymore during the pregnancy.

And the first thing I said (after I picked my jaw up off the ground) was, "Did you read my journal?" To which he responded no, and I had to laugh because it was like my prayer was answered the next day. Logan said the thought just came to him. So I thanked St. Joseph for his awesome intercession and was very thankful for such a quick answer to prayer.

A few months after Chase was born, our marriage was struggling again. We were arguing a lot and I was feeling really disillusioned. So, I started praying even more for our relationship and for us to communicate better. I thought about talking to Logan about it, but I didn't want to end up arguing again. So I didn't bring up anything and just kept praying for us.

A few days later, to my surprise (although I really shouldn't be surprised anymore) Logan brought up everything. It was obvious that God had answered my prayers again, because we had a really good talk and were able to get on the same page about everything.

Obviously, most of the time our prayers aren't answered so quickly, but both of those situations reminded me of how important it is to pray for my husband. I know I tend to take Logan for granted, because we've been together for what seems like forever, and there always seems to be a million more-pressing prayer intentions for other people and situations.

But I've come to see the power of prayer, specifically in my marriage. And really, chances are that nobody else is going to pray for my spouse more than I do, so I shouldn't slack off. When Logan is at work, probably nobody else is going to think to pray for his protection. When he's losing his temper with the kids, nobody else is usually there to say a prayer for him to have more patience.

It's on me. I'm his wife, his other half, and one of the most important things I can do for him is to pray for him. Constantly.

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/praying-for-your-spouse-day-11.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-53851801197880053212017-10-10T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-10T07:00:21.180-05:00I hate rats {day 10}
One evening (before kids), Logan and I were watching TV in our living room while our puppy Marley snoozed alongside us. All of a sudden, we heard a clanging sound from upstairs. Marley woke up and started barking. Logan and I were trying to figure out what the heck the sound was when we realized it was coming from our attic, which was accessed from the second floor.

In the weeks prior, we had noticed droppings at various places in our house. And by droppings I mean poop. Tiny, tiny pieces of poop. We mentioned it to our pest control guy, and he thought it was just geckos. He gave us some sticky traps, though, to see if we caught anything.

Logan and I actually considered that it could be mice, even though our pest control guy didn't agree. Unfortunately, I had even found droppings under my pillow - which is horrifying to think about, even years later - and suspected that it was getting in from the attic. Our attic door was like any other door on the second floor, but we noticed a gap underneath it small enough for vermin to squeeze through. So we had put a sticky trap right inside our attic door just to see if anything would happen. If a mouse was getting into our house from there, it would walk right into the trap first.

So that evening where we heard a loud clanging was when we realized that we caught something. That something ended up being a big fat rat. Yuck. It was causing a ruckus trying to get off the sticky trap.

Thankfully, I was the woman, so I felt zero obligation to deal with said rat. Logan, the man, thought it was a good idea to leave a live rat on a sticky trap in our attic overnight and just deal with it the next day. I informed him that rats gnaw off their feet if they need to and that there was no way he was leaving it there. I couldn't help but picture a bloody mess the next morning. No thank you! (I have no idea where I learned that about rats and if it's actually true, but I believe it. Rats are disgusting.)

Now, I love Logan, but sometimes he just doesn't know how to handle a situation. He decided to leave the rat in our garage instead. In order to move it, though, he placed a bucket over the rat and then slid a piece of cardboard underneath. Logan brought the little vermin downstairs and left it in the garage, with the bucket still placed on top. You know, since a plastic bucket is really secure.

Needless to say, I didn't dare open the door to the garage.

The next day, Logan's dad came over to help him deal with the rat - which was still alive and stuck to the trap. They took it out in the yard, where his dad got ready to lift the bucket so Logan could shoot the rat with his pellet gun.

We live in Louisiana, where apparently the solution to everything animal-related is to just shoot it.

So, my father-in-law lifted the bucket just enough so Logan could take a shot at the poor rat. I don't know if Logan missed the first time, or what, but the rat started to get off the trap a little, so his dad quickly put the bucket back over it. Logan tried getting the gun ready to shoot the rat again, but it got stuck. So while Logan is fiddling with the dang gun, the rat manages to get loose completely and takes off running.

Logan grabs the bucket and takes off running after the rat. It was probably one of the funniest things I've seen Logan do - and he makes me laugh a lot. I can still picture the rat bouncing up and down, making a beeline for our neighbor's house, with Logan chasing after it. Hilarious, I tell you.

My dear husband wiped out on our neighbor's carport trying to catch the rat, but picked himself up in time as the rat started to climb the wall of our neighbor's house. Logan stealthily put the bucket over the rat, which was still on the wall, and he yelled at us to bring him the cardboard to slide underneath.

This time, Logan and his dad put the rat in a box so it couldn't run off again. They finally killed it, and I just hoped that it would be the last time we had to deal with a rat.

I was wrong. Several months later we caught another one in the same spot. Since Logan did not want to repeat the last debacle with the rat running off, he decided to shoot the rat while it was still in our attic. That worked out much better.

After we caught that first rat, Logan added a door sweep to the attic door so they couldn't get into our house anymore. I have no idea when that first rat pooped on my pillow, but I guess I'm just glad I wasn't there to see it firsthand.

Sometimes in marriage, you deal with problems you never would have expected. And sometimes those problems pop up - or sneak in, like rats - over and over, perhaps without you even realizing at first. It could be financial problems, outside relationships, differences in beliefs - heck, curious rats that poop on your pillow - and you might not know what to do about them. It might take trial and error to figure out the best solution, and even then, it might not go away completely.

What I love about those unexpected problems, though, is that they provide the perfect opportunities to work together and get creative with possible solutions. And maybe you'll even get to your see your spouse chasing after a rat in the process.

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/i-hate-rats-day-10.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356829838718266826.post-42013614963308935092017-10-09T07:00:00.000-05:002017-10-12T14:52:56.359-05:00Love Languages Cont'd {day 9}

My guess is that most men consider Physical Touch and/or Words of Affirmation their top love languages. As far as physical touch is concerned, I should mention that it doesn't just mean sex. Of course, guys love sex, but if your man wants physical touch, he wants it in other ways too!

Just like Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch feels really hard sometimes. I'm already not the type of person to go around hugging everybody, but having small kids all over me every single day means I'm touched out by the time Logan and I have time alone together. It's even worse when I'm nursing a baby.

So, I try to focus on the little things. If you had told me before I got married just how much Logan likes me tapping him on the butt, I would have looked at you like you were nuts. But apparently, Logan likes butt taps.

Maybe Logan is just special, but just a simple tap or a random shoulder squeeze affects him instantly. He immediately stops what he's doing, grabs me into a big hug, and sometimes refuses to let me go. It's annoying, especially if I'm on my way to do something like take food out of the oven…but it's also adorable.

Sometimes my knee-jerk reaction when Logan wants to touch me in some kind of way is to withdraw. I always think of a dozen other things I need to be doing at that moment, so I can't help but be really annoyed that he's distracting me.

I know my reaction - both mentally and physically - is bad. I try not to do it. Maybe I'll finally enjoy physical touch when our kids are older and not smothering me all the time. But for now, it takes a lot of awareness and effort to 1) give Logan the physical touch he thrives on to feel love from me, and 2) remember that my threshold for physical touch is much, much lower than his.

But I am very thankful that I'm aware of the love languages and the fact that Logan and I have different ones. Without that awareness, Logan and I could very well be feeling very unloved and misunderstood by each other. It's amazing how much of a difference such a simple concept can make in a relationship.

Jenhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com://intoyourwill.blogspot.com/2017/10/love-languages-contd-day-9.html