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Saturday, April 12, 2008
All the naked ladies
I think that the human body is beautiful in its many shapes and forms, and I think that it should be respected. I think it's great that people can love their bodies enough to want to take photos. Even nude photos. But I wonder if Hollywood feels the same.
The ABC website featured this slide show of women who have taken off their clothes for magazine covers, and it really makes me wonder: In Hollywood, do women really have a choice about whether or not to keep their clothes on?
I sort of touched on this issue in my post about Miley Cyrus, but I will admit, I don't know Hollywood that well. But all these pictures of young, nude, female stars make it seem to me that it might not be so much of a choice after all.
I know that there are women who love their bodies and would be excited to do a nude cover shoot. I also know that taking one's clothes off in front of other people could possibly be a liberating experience. But when we look at all these magazine covers in context, do we really see these nude women as being empowered?
In American society, I would say, it is rather common to see famous young women dressed provocatively, and covers like the ones I linked to are not uncommon at all. The reason that these covers are so commonplace is that they help sell magazines. It's true. So if a a naked young female star's body on a magazine means that a magazine will sell more copies, doesn't it also mean that if a female star wants the most exposure to the most people, she should take off her clothes?
Women in Hollywood are not dumb. Many of them know what will sell easily, and that happens to be, very often, at least near-nudity. And when things sell with their bodies associated with them, it means that they will make more money. So is it really a choice, then, for women to take their clothes off? Perhaps. But it seems to me like it may be one of only a few choices that Hollywood allows these women to make if they want to make money.
As a side note: It bothers me that women's bodies are what people focus on in Hollywood, because it means that a lot of times we only see perfection, not reality, and that does not send healthy messages to girls who look real (click on the porfolio link at the top - thanks to Shakesville).
55 comments:
Male Idols are also objectified for commercial gain. I am not calling for tit for tat, I think that objectification of people for profit is unethical at best. Also I am not certain that young female popular icons always benefit (in terms of revenue) by exposing their flesh to the hungry horny Hollywood lenses. In fact quite the opposite, many young women may loose endorsements if they "soil their image" or overstep the bounds of what the entities they hold contracts with find to be appropriate. I suppose I would cite the whole public reaction to the Vanessa Hudgins photo scandal as evidence.
- April 13, 2008 at 12:11 AM
- This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
- April 13, 2008 at 12:18 AM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
I think a lot of it has to do with branding. Usually for shows that have the good girl character, it's expected that the actress remains unsexualized (I'm thinking of Melissa Joan Heart, Hillary Duff, and the like), but the music business requires that you sex up your image to sell product. I mean Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera started off looking like their age and as they rose in popularity, their look matured and sexualized. In order to stay relevant, they have to be something to look at, which translates to sexualized. It's hard to parse who is doing this because it's what they want, and who is doing it because it's the only way to stay in the spotlight and maintain a career. Male sexuality sells product too, but it generally has to be packaged that way. In my experience as a past teenybopper, sometimes guys get the most attention for being non sexualized and non threatening--like that Zac Efron kid. He's not really sexual so much as cute, meanwhile his costar Vanessa Hudgins got the two faced treatment of people salivating over her looks while tut tutting over nude photos (which they quickly forgave).
- April 13, 2008 at 12:38 AM
- Amelia said...
Just so you know, Ophelia, the link I provided does show a picture of Melissa Joan Hart topless, except for a towel/blanket thing...
Although I do agree with the idea of branding, very much.
I will be commenting more on this tomorrow.
- April 13, 2008 at 12:41 AM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
Yeah I caught that, I hadn't realized she ever did something like that but I thought the tag "Your favorite witch without a stitch" meant it was from her Sabrina days.
- April 13, 2008 at 12:53 AM
- Amelia said...
So did you mean that during her earlier roles (I can only think of Clarissa Explains It All) would have benefited more from her un-sexuality than her Sabrina days?
Just checking. And I really am going to bed soon. :)
- April 13, 2008 at 1:00 AM
- Mana said...
(I think she was only in Clarissa explains it all before Sabrina but I could be wrong) I think during Clarissa she was under 18, but during Sabrina she was over 18--so maybe she was trying to assert her adulthood? I think the Sabrina character was meant to be less alternative and quirky and so she wore more conventionally attractive clothes, maybe it was an attempt to jump start a more adult career path, but I don't think she would have benefited from sexualization during her Clarissa days--it didn't really mesh with the character and would have been too jarring (I remember the Clarissa character as rather child like in her concerns and schemes and things). I would think it'd be something like Hillary Duff doing a semi nude cover during the run of her Disney show, I think it would have been too much of a contrast to work, then again I could be wrong but I'm not sure I've ever seen it work. As in, once you go down that sexualized/adult path you can't really go back into a so called innocent character without some problems of believability. It's a kind of typecasting, and people can't separate the actor from the character.
- April 13, 2008 at 1:23 AM
- Mana said...
Just responding to myself--This is still Ophelia, just accidentally logged into teammate's account somehow o.O;
- April 13, 2008 at 1:24 AM
Clarissa explains it all = girl who likes Pearl Jam = <3 :-D
- April 13, 2008 at 3:36 AM
- Lindsay said...
As in, once you go down that sexualized/adult path you can't really go back into a so called innocent character without some problems of believability. It's a kind of typecasting, and people can't separate the actor from the character.
I think sometimes the actress might pose for such a photo precisely because of that break. If her audience always sees her as an innocent, young girl, it might be harder for her to get more "mature" roles in the future. A casting agent isn't going to cast someone with a persona of innocence for their sexy female lead. I think some actresses think it's a good career move to pose for a nude photo shoot.
Also, the magazines probably court these good girls because they know it'll help them sell copies.
In the much loved, too-quickly canceled show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Harriet, one of the main characters is a Christian. A magazine wants her to pose for them and she's thinking about doing it. Two of the other characters, Simon and Tom tell her that the only reason they want her for their magazine is because they want to get the good Christian girl to take off her clothes. It's a good episode and gets to the heart of exactly what we're talking about here.
- April 13, 2008 at 12:47 PM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
I think sometimes the actress might pose for such a photo precisely because of that break. If her audience always sees her as an innocent, young girl, it might be harder for her to get more "mature" roles in the future. A casting agent isn't going to cast someone with a persona of innocence for their sexy female lead. I think some actresses think it's a good career move to pose for a nude photo shoot.
I thought that was the motivation behind the Sabrina shoot and also that girl from Seventh Heaven, as in it's an attempt to show that they have adult/sexy marketability too.
- April 13, 2008 at 2:45 PM
- La Pobre Habladora said...
A big problem with these photos is that they don't show real women - they are airbrushed and stretched, etc. So what these images end up selling is really a false idea of what we are supposed to love about women's bodies. This encourages women to try to attain a false, unnatural ideal. This is, of course, great for the beauty industry because if you can't ever reach that ideal, you'll have to keep buying as you keep trying.
- April 14, 2008 at 10:32 AM
- Tyler said...
Honestly, I have a thing for "innocent" girls. To me, it is a girls choice (although she has to accept the consequences) to take off her clothes, sleep around, whatever. I just hope she does not expect me to respect her as much afterwards. My view might seem old-fashioned or downright sexist to some of you, but I really don't care. I can respect a woman who has had sex, but not when they flaunt it... a girli can respect, but not a whore.
- April 14, 2008 at 5:09 PM
I believe it is a woman's choice to be able to take her clothes off - it's america. if she wants to take nude photos of herself and place them on the cover of a magazine, that's her decision. As long as the woman is willing to accept the consequences of what will happen if she acts in that way... and the stereotypes and lables she will recieve for doing so.
- April 14, 2008 at 6:19 PM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
"a girli can respect, but not a whore."
If a whore means someone who has sex and isn't ashamed of it to you, I'm afraid that is sexist. I don't hear the same language lobbed at the men who these women are sleeping with and it appears to be a judgment applied only to women with language created to shame women.
Additionally, how do you walk the line? The post is about the idea of having to present yourself as sexually available to be considered attractive, if this is the standard, why is it so two faced? It's okay if you dress sexy but only if you don't enjoy sex, or if you dress or behave a certain way, you must be a certain way.
The problem is in the stereotypes. How can one presume to judge to content of another's character based on what they wear or don't wear?
I'd like to hear more about these "consequences" since it sounds like the age old addage about "well maybe if she wasn't dressed that way then..." that train is never late.
- April 14, 2008 at 7:53 PM
- Amelia said...
As long as the woman is willing to accept the consequences of what will happen if she acts in that way... and the stereotypes and lables she will recieve for doing so.
Is it really a free choice if a woman has to fear whatever these dreadful consequences are? I'm pretty sure she didn't help decide the rule that Tyler says: that having sex and not being ashamed about it = whore.
- April 14, 2008 at 8:27 PM
- Tyler said...
Ok, to me a girl who has sex with random people is a whore. a man-whore is the exact same thing, only a guy. If a girl is in a relationship, idk about how much she has sex. The difference to me is the relationship. By consequences, I meant the girls who get the reputation of "naughty" or "sexy" from her actions.
- April 14, 2008 at 11:57 PM
- FeministGal said...
Tyler said "Honestly, I have a thing for 'innocent' girls. To me, it is a girls choice (although she has to accept the consequences) to take off her clothes, sleep around, whatever." and Anonymous said "I believe it is a woman's choice to be able to take her clothes off - it's america."
1. "innocent" girls? That makes me think of 12 year olds... And you seem to be over 18 ... Ew... that's just creepy.
2. yes, it's America but no, lots of time it isn't necessarily the woman's choice. when you talk about things like nude modeling or even stripping sometimes decisions that seem to be a "choice" really aren't for systematic reasons. Take for example a single mom with 2 kids who needs enough money for day care so she can work her two/three jobs. Yes she has a "choice" whether she works at a burger joint making $5.45/hr or strips for a living, making way way more. Is it a choice? Well, not really (at least i don't see it as one) because any parent would chose the job that makes more money to support their family and it's not just a simple choice for which she should deal with the consequences, ya know?
"As long as the woman is willing to accept the consequences of what will happen if she acts in that way..."
What consequences? Like being raped? Wow. Way to victim blame...
- April 15, 2008 at 6:52 AM
Feministgal- Your example of the single mom with two kids stripping to make ends meet ALMOST convinced me. But you forgot to take into account that there are people in America who have morals. If they believe that selling their body is morally wrong, then they more than likely will not do it, but instead find some other job in which the pay is comparable and the work is more to their moral tastes.
Also - I believe there was already a discussion about being raped and victim blaming...
- April 15, 2008 at 8:32 AM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
but instead find some other job in which the pay is comparable and the work is more to their moral tastes.
This presumes there is work like that. I'm not sure of any place where you can leave with hundreds of dollars for a few hours work. Waitressing may be close but you'd have to work at an incredibly busy restaurant that may not exist in their town. Not everyone lives in a bustling city, some have to make due with the jobs that are available. For instance, if you have no money for a car, and no one to carpool with and depending on how far out from a city you are, you may not have the option of public transportation. Additionally, morals are a poor point to argue since they're so variant. I would not normally strip but if I had two children to feed, I'd say it was more moral to make sure they had food, a home, and clothes than to choose not to do those things because the method is immoral.
Additionally the example provided didn't include that there were equal paying jobs nearby--you inserted that so you could argue that point and not the one offered.
- April 15, 2008 at 8:55 AM
And you assume that there are not jobs you can support a family on nearby. Although your arguement does have a few valid points, you're assuming way too much of the situation. The story you're telling is of a single mom with two kids, no car, no public transportation, and the only nearby job that pays decently is the stripclub across the street. Where is that the only option? I've known single women in similar situations who did not have to resort to stripping to make ends meet and support their children. Some had to work two jobs, it's true, but they didn't have to compromise themselves in order to make money. Some even went on to become respectable things such as nurses (and they were not the kind found at bachelor parties).
- April 15, 2008 at 9:08 AM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
It's the only option because that's the hypothetical situation. Additionally it's called making ends meet, sometimes we have to work jobs we would rather not to get to where we want to be, for some, that means going against their moral code (furthermore, not everyone finds stripping to be morally wrong and you're presuming the mother in question even feels guilty about making a choice that will provide for her children). I posited a situation that is likely if you live in a more rural area/any area where the major industry has moved to clarify a situation where it was entirely possible that stripping provided the most money and the most flexible hours. Again, working two jobs may not be something that's possible if the children are young enough to be out of school, or if they're old enough to where they come home in the afternoons from school. And again, there may not be enough places in town to get two jobs in the first place. For every person I've known who's managed to acquire two jobs, I've known someone who wasn't able to find one so I can't judge on that basis.
I could get into a lot more variables such as background checks, available transportation, and more that could explain why someone would have trouble getting traditional retail jobs as well. Everything isn't black and white.
- April 15, 2008 at 9:18 AM
- Amelia said...
As I was reading the e-mails containing the comment updates, OutCrazyOphelia and Feministgal ended up making the points that I felt were most important.
Thanks to everyone who has commented!
- April 15, 2008 at 11:31 AM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
"a man-whore is the exact same thing"
If it was, the same word would be used instead of the necessary "man" prefix to differentiate them from regular "whores". Sorry, linguistic irritation.
- April 15, 2008 at 12:00 PM
"man-whore" and "whore" are the same thing. They mean the same thing, it's just putting a gender on the word... other languages do this all the time (Spanish: Chico/Chica, Feo/Fea, Simpatico/Simpatica)
- April 15, 2008 at 1:55 PM
- Amelia said...
The problem, Margaret, is that in the history of the English language, "whore" was generally a female-gendered word. It wasn't until much more recently that the prefix "man" came to be associated with it. And I think that speaks of the hypocrisy of holding the female accountable for her sexuality while letting the male roam free, that has been a problem in many societies for a long time.
- April 15, 2008 at 2:03 PM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
In English words tend to be gendered (when not directly referencing gender or sex) due to implication and popular meaning, rather than grammatical necessity. We don't have different endings that must be attached/dropped to signify gender or words like table, chair, or car that have gender. So when we attach gender to a particular word, it's supposed to mean something. If you believe whore to mean someone who is sexually promiscuous (with or without profit) then it should be gender neutral. The fact that it's targeted towards women alone is problematic and using "man-whore" only emphasizes that there's regular whores and men who behave like whores. Slurs that are meant for women are not suddenly neutral because there's a "man" prefix in front--if they were, the prefix wouldn't be necessary.
Long story short: sexual promiscuity doesn't have a gender, and promiscuous suits the niche of "whore" just fine, but whore carries additional connotations against women and so is the default when referencing a woman. It carries the idea that "you should feel bad for being this way" in a way that promiscuous doesn't I suppose. Man-whore doesn't really carry the same indictment because by virtue of the wording its saying "you're ordinarily exempt from this designation but still".
- April 15, 2008 at 2:23 PM
- Amelia said...
Thanks, Ophelia. You managed to say what I meant to in a much more precise manner. ^_^
- April 15, 2008 at 2:25 PM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
I'm glad someone understood that, I thought I was taking the meandering trail through Verboseville.
- April 15, 2008 at 2:46 PM
- Lindsay said...
Nice working making the point about whore/man-whore. I was all over that until you beat me to it.
It reminds me of the Bugs Bunny in drag syndrome... What's the difference between Bugs Bunny and Bugs Bunny in drag?
High heels, eyelashes, lipstick, a skirt.
The addition of these gendered markers implies that male is the default sex and to be a female requires you to add on high heels, eyelashes, lipstick, a skirt, all marking which gender you are.
Likewise, whore is the gendered default and man-whore adds specifically that the whore is male = making all whores female.
- April 15, 2008 at 3:17 PM
There choice, there freedom and none of are business. The choices we make are our own and no one else makes them for us.
- April 15, 2008 at 3:33 PM
amen colt.
- April 15, 2008 at 3:34 PM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
But isn't it a fundamental question at hand? To what degree are our choices completely independent of the society in which we live? If you eliminate the possibility of personal choice, you're eliminating the possibility of agency. Give too much credence to individual choice and you ignore the affect societal standards have on individuals.
Would they take off their clothes if they had a choice? Or, would taking their clothes off be such a big deal if society was alright with it? It's naughty because it's not allowed but it's encouraged because it's naughty. Weird.
- April 15, 2008 at 3:43 PM
- Amelia said...
I don't think you completely understand the concept of "freedom" I am thinking of, Colt. Sure, this is America, and no one physically forced these women to take off their clothes, but in American society there are certain standards that are in place, and certain markets that make it very profitable to do certain things. So if the end goal is to make money, do women really have the "freedom" to choose any option they want? No. They often get forced into options (often dictated by the larger society - which is largely male-driven) so that they can make money.
I don't know if that makes sense, but I'm trying really hard to do some reading for my classes and respond to comments.
- April 15, 2008 at 3:46 PM
Nope, your free to make decisions. Peer pressure or not; You can't put responsibility of your choice on anyone but you.
- April 15, 2008 at 10:09 PM
- Amelia said...
People are not necessarily free to make decisions, Colt. If their choices of ways to achieve their goals (be them fame or just making ends meet) are limited for whatever reasons, it is not completely a free choice because other options are not available.
Yes, women have the agency to choose among their often limited options, but who is responsible for them being limited in the first place?
- April 15, 2008 at 10:27 PM
Yes they are free to make decisions.
- April 15, 2008 at 10:52 PM
- Amelia said...
Thanks for refusing to acknowledge more than just a small portion of what I said, Colt. Good for you.
- April 15, 2008 at 10:54 PM
I can't wrap my head around the idea that people's choices are anything but there own.
- April 16, 2008 at 1:27 AM
Women are totally free to make any decision they want to. I know this is a lame example, but on America's Next Top Model they were doing a naked photo shoot and one of the girls refused to get naked. She stood by her decision, and was respected for it. She did not get sent home that week, and she made it to the final two. So yes, women do have choices. It is just the fact if they choose to stand by their decision, and some women just like to show their bodies off, its their choice. No one said they had to or not.
- April 16, 2008 at 3:54 PM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
"I know this is a lame example, but on America's Next Top Model they were doing a naked photo shoot and one of the girls refused to get naked. She stood by her decision, and was respected for it."
From what I've heard, the modeling world is rather harsh and if you want to make it, you don't have the choice to turn down work if you want to get your name out there. I remember hearing about that show and one of the models was supposed to be done up to look like Grace Jones and she was a poor sport about it and that was cited as the reason for her booting. Although you should have the right to choose what work you think is appropriate, its not always rewarded.
- April 16, 2008 at 5:35 PM
- Amelia said...
I agree with Ophelia, because one time I was watching that same show and they said something almost exactly like, "You can't turn down work if you want to make it in this business."
...not much of a choice there.
- April 16, 2008 at 7:22 PM
Yes, the modeling world is cruel, but that isn't anything close to the real world. From the time you can make your first decision, you will choose matter what. A two year old will choose whether he wants to listen to his parents telling him no or not. The exact same way that a 97 year old woman will choose. Everyone makes their own decisions, thats just how it is.
- April 16, 2008 at 7:57 PM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
But your argument was essentially that we're all free to make our own decisions, citing an example where someone went against the grain and was rewarded.
"A two year old will choose whether he wants to listen to his parents telling him no or not"
--It's not really a choice to listen to your parents when they're the ones feeding, clothing, and disciplining you. You may think you have a choice but you will have to behave or face consequences.
If going against the grain is punished, how much of a choice do you actually have to do what you want? Is it a viable choice if say you're making the decision between eating and not eating or succeeding and failing in your industry?
- April 16, 2008 at 8:05 PM
"-It's not really a choice to listen to your parents when they're the ones feeding, clothing, and disciplining you. You may think you have a choice but you will have to behave or face consequences"
That is a choice right there. You choose to behave or have the consequences. That is a choice.
- April 16, 2008 at 8:11 PM
- Amelia said...
Again, Ophelia beat me to the point with pretty much just what I wanted to say.
The problem is, Meg, that if, say, someone CHOOSES to become an actress, and she wants to make the most money possible. That is a choice. But what if the only way to make a lot of money is to take off one's clothes? If your choice was to become a model and make a lot of money, how many options do you have?
Perhaps my argument could be better framed as options? Women who choose certain careers often are so limited in the paths they can take to success, that they don't really seem to have much freedom to truly...choose.
- April 16, 2008 at 8:19 PM
"Perhaps my argument could be better framed as options? Women who choose certain careers often are so limited in the paths they can take to success"
That does make more sense, but still. A model or an actress can still be successful, and keep their clothes on. Yes, it might be a bit more challenging, but it is still very possible.
- April 16, 2008 at 8:25 PM
- Amelia said...
I agree, Meg, that women can still be successful when they choose to keep their clothes on, but the problem is that sometimes the level of success that comes with different options is not the same.
Why should a woman who decides to keep her clothes on be treated differently than a woman who decides to take them off anyway?
- April 16, 2008 at 8:32 PM
It shouldn't be but it is because our society is so full of sex, and sex sells. Its sad but thats how it is and I don't see it changing for awhile
- April 16, 2008 at 8:45 PM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
"the problem is that sometimes the level of success that comes with different options is not the same."
This. I can rattle off the names of female actresses and musicians who never really got off the ground as the next big thing because their image just wasn't sexual enough for the popular market. It's annoying, and maybe if women weren't rewarded for falling in line and punished for failing to, I'd be more inclined to believe in true choice.
- April 16, 2008 at 9:04 PM
You still do have the choice. Like Amelia said its the option, not the choice. I think the real question is will the actress, model, women, etc. choose the option of not revealing themselves?
- April 16, 2008 at 9:39 PM
- OutcrazyOphelia said...
I think the real question is will the actress, model, women, etc. choose the option of not revealing themselves?
I think that if that image was worth as much as the sexy one is, I think they might. In some of the interviews I've heard about the actresses choosing parts with nude scenes etc., it's considered a career move--not that they're uncomfortable with their bodies or simply would never get naked otherwise, but that it's part of their job. Maybe they would rather not, but to keep the job, to gain popularity by having work out there for consumption--they kind of have to. So there is a choice, in the abstract, but if you want to prosper you have to play by the rules. Now if the choices were equal, either sexualization or not would lead to the same exposure, the same popularity, I'm sure there'd be women on both sides of the fence making those choices, but I can't feel comfortable deeming it a real choice if the results of those options are obviously very different.
I think of it as in, I can study for a test, or not study, but the only option I have if I want a decent grade is to study. It's only a true choice if I don't really care what my grade is in the end, if I do care, I have to make a particular decision and I feel its similar when it comes to media exposure and popularity. There are options but only one for those who want to succeed.
- April 16, 2008 at 10:32 PM
- Tyler said...
how about this: they chose to become an actress or a model. Nobody forced them. They just as easily could have been a secretary, nurse, or teacher. Just like modeling, all of those are traditionally female dominated jobs. If they don't like what happens in the industry, they could have not entered, or at any time they can make the choice to get out.
- April 16, 2008 at 11:35 PM
Tyler makes a good point. It is the choice in a career. Still the fact remains the same and always will. Bottom line, sex sells. They chose the field where they knew they might have to show something to get some cash. If they didn't want to show it, they should have chosen differently.
- April 16, 2008 at 11:41 PM
- Amelia said...
The problem is not that entertainment industries are always absolutely sexy or sexist. Our society has created them that way.
Why should women have to be limited in their choices? Why can't the industry change so as to not require women to take off their clothes in order to make the optimal amount of money? That way women can have the freedom to choose any career they like, not merely the traditionally female-dominated ones...and that way, if they decide to take their clothes off, it will be because it's really what they want.
- April 17, 2008 at 12:01 AM


text:
I thought id share how I made spam musubi (I didn't bother adding any sauce), but just simply spam, sushi rice, and the Nori (roasted seaweed paper). I also bought a musubi maker which molds everything at Marukai for like $2.50!
It's a great snack from the islands of Hawaii (as my co-worker can vouch since she is from there lol).
What you need:
- Nori cut into strips (or you can buy it already made into strips)
- A can of spam cut into 10 or so slices
- Sushi rice (as this binds together and sticks better than regular white rice)
- Soy sauce/teriyaki sauce, etc. (optional, I chose not to add it this time)
- Musubi maker or you can use the spam can as a mold
1. First I fried the spam a bit because I personally like it a bit crispy!
2. Place the musubi maker on top of the seaweed paper like so...
3. Then fill in the box almost halfway with freshly cooked sushi rice
4. Add spam, then add more rice on top till the brim. You can also fill up the rice halfway then place the spam on top, whichever you prefer. I like my spam on top but I showed the other way you can do it :)
5. Push down to flatten the rice and spam to mold it using the musubi maker presser/top
And voila!
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Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Food: How to make spam musubi!
I thought id share how I made spam musubi (I didn't bother adding any sauce), but just simply spam, sushi rice, and the Nori (roasted seaweed paper). I also bought a musubi maker which molds everything at Marukai for like $2.50!
30 comments
- YingX said...
ohh, thats so cool. thanks for sharing.
- March 10, 2009 at 11:14 PM
- Stephanie said...
LOL Did you buy that from Marukai? My boyfriend and I picked one up for ourselves, one for his sister, and one for his mom hahaha. It's such a useful little thing. The thing is, we got ours for $3.99 :(. Rawrrrr.
- March 10, 2009 at 11:15 PM
- njoy. said...
I'm from Hawaii too. I had spam musubi all the time for lunch in high school. Ahhh memories. You can also add fried egg for breakfast on the go :)
- March 10, 2009 at 11:19 PM
- dani said...
spam musubi's are the best!
i live in hawaii and they are so great!
- March 10, 2009 at 11:28 PM
- izumi said...
ohh i freaking LOVE spam musubi!! hahaha aahh so hungry..
- March 10, 2009 at 11:34 PM
- Askmewhats said...
yum, that looks yummy :)
- March 10, 2009 at 11:58 PM
- nikkiz. said...
We ate this last week at a Hawaiian resto here in Manila. I love it! I'll try making one at home. Thanks for posting Nessa.
- March 11, 2009 at 12:01 AM
- J said...
Looks really good! I'm gonna have to try this...
- March 11, 2009 at 12:02 AM
- ect said...
I'm from HI too (: I haven't eaten spam musubi in awhile though.
It's easier & less messy to eat if you cut the spam in thin strips; layer a little rice on the nori, put some spam on, and roll it up into a skinny eggroll-ish shape. Great fingerfood for parties (:
- March 11, 2009 at 12:06 AM
- FuN and MakeUp said...
yUmmieeeeeeeeee where can i get that square shaping thing tho??? i love those!! dont we neda put some kinda sauce over the rice? i love these!
- March 11, 2009 at 12:08 AM
- sanniet said...
mmm this would make such a great lunch! ty <3
- March 11, 2009 at 12:20 AM
- Anonymous said...
lol ive been looking for that mold
what does the package it came in look like?
- March 11, 2009 at 12:36 AM
- Vanessa said...
Hi Njoy! Mmm! Thanks for the fried egg suggestion! I gotta try that one of these days!
- March 11, 2009 at 12:40 AM
- Vanessa said...
Hi Jess- I got it from Marukai!
Yumyumsushi- It's in a simple black box with a pic of the maker on the sides of the box...
- March 11, 2009 at 12:41 AM
- untracybul said...
Hey Vanessa!
spam musubi's are BOMB!
there's even PINK musubi makers out there!
- March 11, 2009 at 12:55 AM
- Iyah said...
Omgosh! Thank you for this!! I have to buy this from marukai & make my own! Woot! I'm so excited! :h:
- March 11, 2009 at 12:56 AM
- Vanessa said...
untrracybul- WHAAA???? PINK musubu makers??!!! OMG now the search is on! LOL. Thanks girl!
- March 11, 2009 at 1:17 AM
- makeupw. gevie said...
MMM! I just bought a couple from L & L yesterday.. pretty good but I wish they made the SPAM pieces fatter! haha.
- March 11, 2009 at 2:38 AM
- Sophie said...
Oh wow, that looks tasty :D
- March 11, 2009 at 4:34 AM
- valiohh said...
ohh yummy!
you should try putting furikake in the rice too!
and w/ scrambled eggs! yuummmmmm.
- March 11, 2009 at 5:32 AM
- A. Rose said...
This made me REALLY hungry!!
- March 11, 2009 at 6:08 AM
- Jo said...
lol SPAM!
- March 11, 2009 at 7:14 AM
- Charmy said...
I make this ALL THE TIME, makes me want some right now. Do you make the sauce as well? I dip the spam in the sauce before putting it in the mold too.
- March 11, 2009 at 9:40 AM
- aquaracer said...
yay for spam musubi's! thanks for sharing how to make it. i would love to try it!
- March 11, 2009 at 11:00 AM
- MakeupByRenRen said...
yummy! i love using turkey spam :)
- March 11, 2009 at 12:32 PM
- FAB_Ladee said...
yummm that looks delicous. i loveeeee musubis:D
ialways get them at land l hawaiian bbq!!
- March 11, 2009 at 5:45 PM
- Julienne said...
ooh wow that looks yummy and easy to make! ^0^
- March 11, 2009 at 8:43 PM
- ♡ Nic Nic ♡ said...
you making me feel hungry! I havent had spam in a long time. Now I want to have some!! lol.
- March 12, 2009 at 9:24 AM
- Anonymous said...
OMG I Live On This In Oahu
Everyday I Make This For School
I Wish I Had That Maker My Hands Always Gets Sticky From The Rice;)
- March 12, 2009 at 8:25 PM
- loveva said...
too cool! i never knew they had a little shaper for making spam musubis. haha (:
- March 16, 2009 at 6:37 PM

subset: commoncrawl


text:
This watch was in the box belonging to my Great Aunt Jennie and was thought to belong to her youngest brother George, as it was with other memorabilia on George. This is the sad story of his short life.
George Danson was the youngest of eight surviving sons of James Danson and Maria Rawcliffe of Poulton-le-Fylde, Lancashire. Born in 1894, he was followed three years later by the birth of an only daughter Jennie. George was the favourite uncle of my mother and aunt, and they had fond memories of him, perhaps because he was nearest to them in age and took on the role of the big brother. I can see why in the photograph of him above. George worked on W.H. Smith bookstalls at different railway stations.
|George outside a W. H. Smith's station bookstall
George joined the Royal Army Medical Corps in 1916 and I was lucky enough to trace his service record on www.ancestry.co.uk as many were destroyed in the Second World War. On his enlistment, George's medical report stated he was 5'3" tall, weighed 109 lbs. (under 8 stone), with size 34 1/2 chest and he wore glasses.
A photograph of George, with his brother Tom on the left,
Taken by W. J. Gregson & Co, Photographers, 92 Talbot Road, Blackpool.
|One of the many embrodered cards sent back from Flanders to George's mother Maria Danson
Three weeks later, and a week after his 22nd birthday, George was killed on 16th September 1916 at the Battle of the Somme, and buried in the Guards Cemetery, Les Boeufs, near Albert.
|The later memorial to George
Captain Macleod in writing to his mother who had four other sons serving, said "He was one of my stretcher bearers and was gallantly doing his duty over open and dangerous ground which suddenly became subjected to severe shell fire. He continued steadily bearing his burden and was only stopped by the shell that took his life. We mourn his loss and are very proud of him".
The bugle may sound, the war drum may rattle
From Mother, Brothers, Sister, 2 Bull Street, Poulton-le-Fylde.
|The War Memorial at Poulton-le-Fylde, Lancashire.
George is remembered below the name of his brother John Danson


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A great Jessie J (Jessica Ellen Cornish) female british singer face mask. Great for parties.
Next Day Delivery Available - Order before 3.00pm
The Old Forge, Brighton Road Tadworth, Surrey KT20 6AR UK - England & Wales
01737 360376
© 2018 Funkybunky. All rights reserved worldwide.


text:
First of all, I've got to address your love for the home posts. A big thank you to all who are reading the blog period, but I've got to say how overwhelmed I am by the amount of love I've gotten for these home posts! You guys seem to be really enjoying them and that makes me super happy because I really enjoy them too.
I've been doing home decor posts pretty regularly on the blog for a while now, but I feel like rather than just an odd post here and there, it's really become a part of the blog. Which has always been my goal here. I never wanted it to feel too limited to JUST one thing. This is my little happy place to share all of the things I love- from beauty to fashion to home decor to my life! And I'm so glad you guys are loving it too.
Ok, enough with the warm n' fuzzies. Well, actually, we can keep going with them because to me, that's what a guest bedroom should feel like.
Comfortable, warm...
n' fuzzy.
I realized a few weeks back that this is actually one of the few places left in the house I haven't really shared on here.
So come on in and stay a while...
...or at least until the end of the post. ;)
I really love this space. It's almost an exact copy of our old guest bedroom because we used the same furniture, curtains, and bedding. But mostly because of all the little personal touches.
I love how the colors are calming, but still a little fun with the black and white elements. Of course, a plant or two doesn't hurt either. This one above is the fiddle leaf fig (and table) that normally lives in our family room. Two guesses as to why it's been temporarily relocated up here.
Hint: It rhymes with shrismas shree.
Don't judge.
Something else I love about the room is the mix of textures. That always helps a room come together. For example, the walls and curtains feel very tone-on-tone, but because the curtains are very plush and velvety (plush is a word I don't use nearly enough), it gives it more interest.
Let's talk about the curtains for a minute. They're basically my favorite.
I purchased a ton of these about four years ago at our last house. They lived in almost every room, no joke. This color and fabric just works everywhere. Every time I see them, it just feels like "my home" to me. People always comment on how nice they look and feel when they're here. There's something just so cozy about them. You may recognize them from our dining room too from this post.
These were seriously a unique find. I get them (and all my curtains really) from a website called "Half Price Drapes". These are called the Velvet Blackout Curtain Panels. Consider my secret, shared.
Anyway, about three or four years ago, I picked up the leopard "throw" and pillow on the bed. I found it at Ballard Designs during a really great online sale and bought it on a whim because I love leopard, but really thought the more subdued leopard was really pretty. I was so pleasantly surprised when I got it. It's SO soft and comfy. It's actually a twin duvet set. Basically, I ordered the twin because it was kind of ridiculously expensive and I cheap'd out. However, looking back, I probably would've sprung for the full/queen knowing how soft and nice it is. It's like a really cuddly flannel material.
I kind of dig it just as an accent though.
The "fuzzy" bench... funny story. That bench is totally the plain little bench that was a part of our old breakfast table set. I decided to sell the table and four chairs at our recent garage sale, rather than keep it in the basement like we had originally planned. But I thought, why not keep the bench? So it lived all plain and sad at the end of this bed for a while, until I had a great idea to throw my long sheepskin rug over it since I hate actually stepping on that furry guy on the floor and Waylon loves to rub his face all over it (amongst other things) in the morning. So I thought it worked better on the bench.
This next photo of the opposite side of the room really helps you see the true color of the walls...
This was the first room I painted in this house when we moved in. I've wanted to share it with you for the last 6 months or so, but it seems like other projects always come up. The paint color is called "Edgecomb Gray" by Benjamin Moore. It's a really calm gray that isn't too cool or warm. Actually, in this room, it reads a little more gray than I've seen it look in other rooms (on Pinterest for example). This paint came with us from our old house. I bought the can two years ago waiting to use it in a particular room there, but always changed my mind at the last minute. Looks like it worked out perfectly!
Those double doors lead to the closet space and through the door to the left you can see the guest bathroom, which you may recognize from this post all about it's transformation.
Here's a peek at it:
For more details allll about that bathroom (and lots of before and afters), check out this post.
The chair was one of those lucky TJ Maxx finds. I love the whitewashed wood and the deep chocolate color. It's really comfy too! I love having a chair in a bedroom so people don't feel like the bed is the only place to sit.
So I consider every single room always "in progress", as depicted by the dresser below...
Totally not bad, I'm just constantly changing it up. Not really thinking anything on it is staying in this room or exact place (hello, lens cap), but it's what's there for now. The lamps are from Pier 1 (you probably recognize them from our last house's family room), and all of the furniture (bed, dresser, and night table) are antiques that belonged to my grandparents. I LOVE them.
As for what I'd like to change about this room going forward, obviously, I'm constantly changing decor around, but the main feel of this room is usually the same. While the white bedspread and leopard throw and pillows always stay, I love how I can change out the throw pillows when the mood hits me. Sometimes instead of the black chevron, I put out some pretty linen coral pillows that brighten the room up a lot when I feel like it. Same with our bedroom, I love being able to change throw pillows on a whim to change the feel of the whole room without changing big stuff like an entire bedspread. You can get a peek of our master bedroom in this post. It's still VERY much a work in progress. As in one side (the side never photographed) looks the same as it did the day we moved in.... Awesome. Another post for another day...
I also considered changing out the fan for something a little more fun. But this is a small bedroom that does get a lot of sun, and I feel like the fan is just practical. Plus, it's brand new and actually really nice, so I'd feel silly replacing it at this point because it actually doesn't look bad.
Also, after the holidays, the table and fig will head back down to the family room. However, I'm really digging the plant in there. I think I'll have to find him a replacement that can always live in that room since the light is so great in there.
I know I covered a lot in the post, but if you're curious about anything else, here's a little reference list for ya!
paint: Edgecomb Gray by Benjamin Moore
furniture: antique
chair: TJ Maxx
sunburst mirror: Kirklands
leopard bedding: Ballard Designs (twin duvet and pillow set)
black pillow cases were a gift, monogrammed by my mother in law
sunburst lamps: Pier 1
white ruffle bedding: Target (shabby chic collection)
chevron pillows: TJ Maxx
black and white pillow: Target
sheepskin rug: Overstock
bedside lamp: Target
lamp shade: Pottery Barn
So tell me... Do you all prefer a more bold and fun or more subdued and calm guest bedroom?


text:
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Whispers within a scrambled mind ...
Power Of Thinking can create Miracles
.Welcome to my Metaphors.
Seeking Truth
A music review site
Blog and Poetry. A Story in the Making.
Oh! Take a shit, read a story. - My Mother on flash fiction
Author. Writer. Poet. Creator. Artist. Lover. Woman. Wife. Mother. Child.
Is this it?
My sarcastic travels through life while trying to remain true to myself and not kill others.
This Blog is about discovering the magic of forests in every aspect of life from a small plant in a metropolis to the forests themselves
le parole cadono come foglie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"ONE HELL OF A WRITER"--Derrick Jensen, award-winning author of Endgame~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
by Hina Khan Palwasha
A journal forever stitched into the abyss of the internet
Words. Photographs. Power.


text:
It's never too late to plan early! 2018 USA Volleyball Open Nationals will be in Dallas Texas and just announced the 2019 Open Nationals will be held in Columbus Ohio.
This describes information relevant to all the teams registered to this tournament
Max: The tournament director decides how many teams are allowed in the tournament
Confirmed: When a team is confirmed this means they are guaranteed a spot in the tournament. A team must be paid to be confirmed
- Max: 10 teams
- Confirmed: 10 teams
- Paid: 10 teams
- Waitlist: 2 teams
- Total Teams Signed Up: 12 teams


text:
pretending to be an adult
We used to really like entertaining. Today I felt like I was trying to re-awaken some dormant part of myself. But simultaneously, I felt like an impostor - like I was trying to pretend to be a normal, functioning person again . . . . a person who lights candles in the evening, who puts music on the stereo, who sits and chats for two hours without falling asleep, who talks about interesting subjects beyond choosing a preschool or potty-training techniques. And the sense of pretending, or the sense of trying to be someone I used to be . . . the thing is, it wasn't for the benefit of the guests (although the feelings of wanting to impress where there, certainly). But more so, there was this overwhelming feeling of wanting to be a "normal", functioning, socially-connected adult again. And then a sad sense that I wasn't, and that something as simple as having another couple over for coffee was outside of my capabilities right now.
The friends that came over are single. The guy is one of my husband's friends from high school. He's dating a cute girl in her twenties that I've only met a few times. Something about that combination - a guy in the corporate world, who doesn't spend a lot of time with kids, and a girl still in college, coming over to my house . . . something made me start looking disapprovingly at my dirty floors, my fingernails, my formula-stained sofa, my three-inch roots, and my living room full of plastic toys. Suddenly I was looking at myself from the gaze of my former self, and wondering when I had gotten so tired, so messy, so scattered. So old.
I did manage to get the house decently clean, and the kids in pajamas before they came. I didn't, however, manage to wash or brush my own hair today (or to pick up the prescription at Target that has been waiting for three days, or return the overdue library books or return one single email. But I digress).
And as they arrived, it was as I expected. They seemed refreshed and energetic, bearing a cute jug of high-end beer. She was adorable. She did brush her hair this morning. Her toenails were painted, her clothes were not caked in baby food. Her purse was not overflowing with diapers and sippy cups. She was funny and charming. So was he.
When they arrived, my kids were doing their usual routine of running through the house full-speed, trying to avoid bedtime. Not five minutes in, I could see them grimace at the noise level. It was loud. I was self-conscious. And then, the question. The question that was sort of a joke, but also an observation. An observation tinged with a little pity, and maybe just a hint of concern.
"Is it always this loud?"
Yes. It is.
The kids went down. The guests both went to the bathroom. I winced at the thought of how that room smells (a result of two boys with very bad aim and a neglected diaper genie). I made excuses. Haha - the bathroom stinks. Haha - don't mind the laundry in the hallway. Haha - that drywall hasn't been patched yet. Haha - sorry the hand towels are so dirty. Haha - Kristen SHUT UP.
We chatted. It was nice. They were lovely. We laughed at the chasm between us as we discussed carpooling to a mutual friends wedding, and debated whether we should drive in their Porsche or our minivan. Haha - I have a minivan.
But still . . . I felt like I was pretending. Pretending to be more than a tired, frazzled, overwhelmed mom. Pretending to be a grown-up. But a younger grown-up?
I don't know.
It was a simple evening with friends, but it brought up a lot of stuff for me. I need to be more content. I need to be more grateful for my kids, and less whiny about the inevitable obstacles in this lifestage. I need to stop assuming that the fatigue I feel this week is the way I will feel forever. I need to get more sleep. At the same time, I need to take some breaks from the preschool set. I need to figure out how to be a social being and not just a mom.
I need to find more balance. And I need a pedicure. Stat.
43 comments:
Pedicures are of utmost important. They are one of the first rules in the Taking Care of Mama handbook. Schedule that thing today!ReplyDelete
As we are the only childless couple among all of our friends, I relate a bit to this couple, but what I wouldn't give for 2 boys with bad aim and an overflowing diaper genie. But my head is already freaking me out that our friends are going to have moved on by the time we get to baby stage. And good gracious we are going to be old parents. Very thought provoking post.
Kristen, Please don't take this the wrong way. But I read this, and I think that it is bass-ackwards. YOU have it EXACTLY right. I look over in your sidebar and I see 4 totally awesome, beautiful kids.. kids that are being raised by a socially conscious mom that TOTALLY kicks @$$. And I think, those 20 year olds have no idea what life is about yet. Their lives are totally empty at this point. They have no idea which end is up yet. (I'm GUESSING. I don't know them personally. SOME people in their 20s have led very fulfilling lives already, but I would wager most young couples in Orange County, CA, not-so-much. And *I* had not, when I was in my 20s.)ReplyDelete
Girl, you have 4 little, totally high energy kids, and I cannot imagine how exhausted you must be (just looking at Kembe and India's photos alone wears me out) but you KNOW what life is about. It is about loving those kids and being present with them.. who CARES about clean bathrooms and drywall and moderate noise levels? Or pretty toenails? (unless pretty toenails makes you FEEL better, then go for it).
I love you girl. Do not feel judged by young people who do not understand. Remember you can always look to us "Old Timers" who have even MORE kids, for understanding.
I totally understand and love this post! My sisters (3 of them) are all in their twenties, fashionable, put together, perfect hair, in great shape . . . I'm getting depressed just writing this! But I'm also reminded to be thankful for where God has me right now - even when its hard to feel that way sometimes!ReplyDelete
- Sonya5:44 AM
I'm sorry you felt judged and embarrassed about the condition of your house. I admire you for going forward and having people over anyway. I had that opportunity recently and chickened out. I don't think it's necessarily bad for that couple to see the reality of having kids. Sure, some of it is messy and stinky but I would bet that they also felt the love and couldn't help but be drawn to those four gorgeous kids of yours.ReplyDelete
And a break is good, get one if you can. I always feel better having gotten away for a bit but I also miss my kids much sooner than I think I will. The very best thing is a REGULAR break so you have the luxury of planning something. Even if it's just planning to stroll through Macys :)
- Anonymous5:47 AM
i have only one kid and i feel the same way sometimes;0) but you know what, i like it! i feel like i belong to a secret circle of moms, with a dirty house full of toys and no time...i think its wonderful and i will not stay like this forever...people without children dont understand because they dont belong tot this secret circle. poor them...if they cant take the noise - go meet someone else ;0)ReplyDelete
love aline
- Anonymous6:31 AM
I'm with Corey. I used to LOVE to have people over before kids. Totally got into cooking a really special dinner, making the house and myself look just so, etc., etc. But that was another season and now YOU are the "real grown-up".ReplyDelete
We all know motherhood is all about putting someone's else's needs and wants ahead of our own. At the top of that list in our house is the noise level. My kids don't seem to be able to enjoy life unless it is LOUD. We've tried and failed to change that. I will also bet my money that my kid is louder than yours. I asked my husband the other day if he'd mind if I started wearing earplugs in the evenings just to deafen the noise a bit. I was serious. I don't know what it is about the post-nap hours that brings out the volume, but, mercy.
Looking cute and being clean and charming is a cinch when the only person you have to worry about is yourself. Let's see how that goes when they are in your stage. You're just giving them a small reminder that life gets messy and loud when it's time to get really serious about it. And charming isn't easy when you are tired and have the constant drone of mothering thoughts encompasing your psyche.
Getting mani/pedis is awesome, and certainly, find a way to get as much sleep as you can, but for my money, the fun is girl's night with other moms, not other singletons, or even the married but kidless set. It's tough to remember what you are doing is more important than other more pleasurable things when the company is not in the same boat.
Chin up! Someday you will actually miss this season. ;)
- Anonymous6:35 AM
You know what else? In parenthood you find out if all those lofty thoughts of yours actually meant something to you. You can talk and talk and talk with the best of them, but until you actually start walking that out in the dirty business of life (read: the little years), you never know if you really, really meant what you said.ReplyDelete
I am very single and very childless (and by that I mean, by choice, and proudly), and I LOVE going to my friends' chaos.ReplyDelete
I spend days and weeks with friends with super loud, super messy (=normal) children who fight and throw and miss the toilet and stuff toys down the toilet and spit on me and then tell me they love me and give me headaches with the screaming and completely irrational tantrums - and I LOVE IT. We all laugh about how quiet and clean it is when I go home, and I also fully appreciate the insanity that is parenthood. I don't judge my friends, and sometimes I scour their kitchens because they don't have time.
Our realities are different but I see it as like appreciating different cultures - different, not better or worse.
Soon enough you'll have sullen teenagers who won't talk at all! :)
I do agree this is critical: "I need to take some breaks from the preschool set. I need to figure out how to be a social being and not just a mom." The people I do end up drifting apart from are those who forget that, and they lose themselves. Sometimes a mom being "selfish" is critical to the health and well-being of the entire family!
First, anyone with small kids can relate. Anyone who says they can't is lying or has a nanny. Second, I'll bet your friends weren't judging you at all, but just laughing at the reality, wondering if they will/would be like this in a few years. (Didn't we all think that thought--kind of in a wonder/horror combo?) But they probably will, and THEN they'll understand.ReplyDelete
When I get into a pity funk like this, the best cure is to look back at videos of my kids as babies. I instantly start freaking out for a different reason: they're growing up too fast! Oh no! Why am not enjoying this more? Screw the eye-brow wax, I need to print out photos for the photo book or sit down and read a book with them at least once today. It's a temporary cure, but it helps.
Also, the first comment on this post is a good reminder. If I was unable to have kids, I'd be looking at your urine-tinged chaos with envy. Lord, give me the patience to deal with my blessings.
You are both in different, but equally good points in your life.ReplyDelete
And pedicures really make up for a lot of insecurities.
- Anonymous7:58 AM
I've been stalking your blog for awhile and never intended to post. But I wanted to enter the fray and add a few things. As a mother, I find myself feeling guilty because my kids aren't my end-all, be-all. I have a flexible job (I teach college literature) and a ministry where my kids are deeply involved in the lives of other children, most of whom look differently from them. But I often feel guilty if I'm not the happy mother sitting contentedly amidst the kid-induced chaos. Sometimes I love the chaos, other times I just need five minutes to pluck my eyebrows.ReplyDelete
I was teaching "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin to my college students a few weeks ago. If anyone hasn't read it, I highly recommend it, unless you feel like floating out into a sea of oblivion is a viable option for your life right now--then I think you should pass. It is one thing to read this early feminist manifesto as a young, eager undergrad (all of my girl students, by the way, are much, much cuter than me, and never find oatmeal crusted on their ten-year-old black pants while trying to look both professional and cute). Teaching the story to my class, I had a very different perspective as a mother. This line really stood out to me: "But they need not have thought that they could possess her, body and soul." The main character, Edna, is thinking about her two young children. I don't, of course, support her abandoning her life and children in the end, but I do understand that feeling. I think that's what you're saying. There are mothers whose soul is not likely to be possessed by a house full of small children. Mine is. And I love, love my kids, the ones we have now, the ones we will add in the future. But they will never possess my soul. So whatever I need to do to make sure my soul and mind have a little breathing space, I'll do. For me, it's a flexible job, a ministry I love, and a husband who is an equal parent. And occasionally time to pluck my eyebrows (which are looking pretty rough right now). So I don't think it's about being "selfish" or not. That's a really guilt-inducing word. It sounds like you're saying a little adult space will make you a much more engaged mom. I totally agree with that.
As long as this is the longest post ever, I'll tell you I enjoy reading your blog (I'm an adoption blogstalker since we'll be adopting in the next few years). You've clearly done a great job of retaining your wit and wisdom in the midst of chaos. Blessings to you.
When my husband and I were engaged and then newlyweds, we used to spend a lot of time with a slightly older couple who had a handful of kids. We loved them so much, but there were many times when I felt overwhelmed by everything in their lives that you just described. Even so, it was good for us. They were mentoring us. And now that we're in that stage (and they're in the next one with older kids), I know who I can call for support. I will admit though that the things I used to think about moms and families of small kids haunt me now because I know that's how younger women look at me/us. I wish I hadn't been so arrogant back then.ReplyDelete
This is a funny post to me because I totally relate. When I'm around them, and the vast chasm in age and experience between us is evident to me, I completely overdo it on the "I'm so cool, look how funny I am, I'm still young and awesome, too, HAHAHAHA" to the younger set. I think there are probably some older high schoolersand college agers at our church who think I have a few marbles loose. And usually, when I walk away I wonder why in the hooha do I care if I'm older? I LOVE my life - no matter how filled with craziness it is. When I was their age, my dream was to someday be a mother and now that I'm here, I'm embarrassed that I'm old? Oh grass...you are so much greener on the other side of that fence. The flowers may not be in neat, straight rows over here, but the wildflowers are pretty awesome, if you ask me! :ReplyDelete
So many people can relate to your post - exactly. I remember being that couple, surrounded by chaos at a friend's home. And though I totally wasn't ready for it, I knew that it was the life of a family. Chaos is fun and makes for good times. And, now that my family has its own chaos, I totally feel those days where I wish for a little less mania - and do my best to be grateful for everything too. It's a challenge of course, but at least we know we all feel the same way, and aren't alone. :)ReplyDelete
I feel like I have to clarify that I didn't feel like they were judging me at all. Although, Amanda - I was the same way! I was often freaked out by the noise and the mess before we had kids, and we would hang out with friends who did. At the same time, part of the self-loathing I had last night was because we WERE a childless couple for a very long time, and not by choice. There were many years that I longed for exactly what I have right now. And of course, now I look back and glamorize the freedom and self-care of days gone by.ReplyDelete
But man, I love these kids!! :)
- Anonymous10:39 AM
K~ I'm the lady who came up to you a few Friday nights ago at Crystal Court and introduced myself as "Anonymous"...your kids were going on the Merry-Go-Round...it's OK I don't expect you to remember me...I recognized you by your precious children getting on the Merry-Go-Round...Mark was strapping them in!ReplyDelete
What a special moment for me when I saw you and your family...at that very moment I realized how BLESSED I was to come across your Blog and have read it everyday since...
You have a Mom Job not too many people could or would do, you truly are a Blessed Women and you need to know that!
Love your babies...be proud of who and what you are as a Women of God...what do 20 year olds know anyway? ...to be honest with you they want what you have...don't fool yourself!!!You are amazing and full of life...tired, yes but you are what it is all about...be kind to yourself Kristen...and know you are loved and cared about by total strangers who love and prayer for you, Mark and those wonderful kids!!!
- Anonymous12:01 PM
I have to say, some of these comments are closed minded at best, and downright hurtful at worst. Since when did being childless in your twenties (or thirties) become synonymous with having "no idea what life is about yet. Their lives are totally empty at this point. They have no idea which end is up yet"??? This is the same sentiment that breeds an "us vs. them" mentality. Have these judgmental commenters ever stopped to think that choosing not to reproduce could have more to do with a sense of responsibility rather than selfishness? Kristen, I commend you for striving to break down the barrier that isolates *some* parents with young children from the rest of the world.ReplyDelete
I hear ya. About every 2 weeks I have a "moment" where I think who in the heck am I anymore. When will I get to eat a meal without being interrupted 40 times, or sleep in til I wake naturally, or be able to talk to my husband when he comes through the door without having to "wait my turn" for 30 minutes while the kids talk his ears off? I just try to tell myself that ,"Someday I will miss this."ReplyDelete
I will try next time I come over to talk about more interesting things than potty training and pre-school picking because that is TOTALLY WHAT I TALKED ABOUT with you. Ew - I'm one of those people now. Time to subscribe to the WSJ again. And I thought the last word of your blog was another 4-letter word when I first read it. Which would totally fit as well.ReplyDelete
Yes, I want to be really careful of suggesting that people without kids don't "get it" or don't have a life. I was childless for a long time, some years by choice, some years not. It is just a different lifestage. No better, no worse. I think we always compare, and this post was about MY tendency to do so. For me, this was one of those grass is greener moments. I longed for children for years. I have them now. I'm SO grateful. But I am still a person who struggles with envy, comparison, and discontent. If I'm really being honest, my friends without kids seem more interesting and intimidating - but not judgmental or clueless.ReplyDelete
Haha - Jodie! That's just the stage we're in right now. We gotta own it!ReplyDelete
- Anonymous10:24 PM
Wow, this post totally hit it on the nail with me. I *knew* there was a reason I stayed and continue reading your blog after discovering it by accident a couple of weeks ago. You are preaching to the choir. But I do think we have the better deal, despite the fact that I have this persistent feeling of wanting to "donate all this crap that's lying around. Let's just give away the toy box, there's enough upstairs already, let's get rid of at least half the books. I need some negative space in the house so my eyes can rest!" The huz chuckles because he knows I am half serious and half deranged about clutter. But each time we declutter (never to my expectations like pre-kiddo) it seems to find its way back. It is what it is and if folks don't have kids they just won't get it.ReplyDelete
I bet the twenty-something went home thinking "someday I want to be just like this." I'm sure it was a loud display of genuine love in a real family. I can guarantee that both guests went home thinking. (have you heard this?) You want to skid into heaven with frazzled hair, worn hands, totally worn out from giving your all. What would it say if you showed up with manicured nails, styled hair, pristine clothes?ReplyDelete
I so hear you and echo, LOUD and CLEAR, and I only have two children. Most days are pure survival mode. On the off chance I do feel like, "hey, I'm getting the hang of this..." Then, I am learning, "[s]he who thinks she stands, take heed, lest [s]he fall." And, fall I do, usually at least 2 steps back from where I was. But God's mercies are new every morning, and I claim that often! And He is gracious in the gifts of sweet smiles, and "mommy, I love you"s, etc. God is good! Happy Easter!ReplyDelete
- Kelli8:35 PM
Kristen I say we leave the kiddos with Chad and Mark and head to get our toes done together! I have not had a proper pedicure since two days before Lainey was born. And that was so my feet would look cute in the pictures that were shot by a professional photographer cause Chad that it would be so cool to have the photos. I submitted...and I have to say I am glad to have the photos, even though at the time I have to say it was not my favorite idea to have a camera around for my most el fresco situation.ReplyDelete
All that to say is I only have one child and I have started to wonder what I talked about before baby?
Here is to being content with self painted toes!
i miss the relative glamour of my pre-mama days, but the insecurity of my youth? not a bit! we never know what others struggle with behind their near-pertect appearances, and i think there is something freeing (although humbling and certainly overwhelming) of living in the chaos of mothering and clearly NOT having it all together. it may be naked and painful, but there is much value in just being authentically imperfect.ReplyDelete
you have four super needy, tiny people to raise. no one expects quiet or perfection, and i'm sure your friends were grateful for the hospitality. people entertain so little these days b/c we're waiting for that time when everything is perfect and ready, but so many are just longing for human connection and don't care about clutter.
pencil in some weekly grown-up time asap. we all need to feel like women and people and not just mamas.
good post:)
- Irene7:46 AM
jennie w. said...ReplyDelete
"Whenever I hang out with single friends, or married friends with no kids, all I can think is, "get a life, you people! You're losers until you have kids". Which isn't exactly true, but it's close enough."
Wow, that is not very nice... I sure feel like I have a life even though I don't have kids!
- Anonymous2:55 PM
I agree with an earlier Anonymous commenter:ReplyDelete
"I have to say, some of these comments are closed minded at best, and downright hurtful at worst."
I find a lot of these remarks to be not only hurtful but extremely self-righteous. What I read in the original blog post was authentic and refreshing. But so many of these comments have turned it into a competition for "who has the best life?" Why is it that so often we feel the need to justify our own choices by putting down someone else's?
My husband and I are the only childless couple in our circle of friends. We love our friends, adore their children, and try hard to relate to and support them in spite of our different life stages. While that isn't always easy (for us OR for them), I would hope my friends with kids don't label me a "loser," view my pedicured toes as a sign of selfishness/immaturity/insecurity, or assume I have no way of understanding what life is about just because I have yet to join what one commenter called the "secret circle" of motherhood.
Yes, sometimes the grass seems greener on the other side. But it's also possible to appreciate your own lawn without lighting your neighbor's on fire.
Kristen, thank you for your honesty - and for calling this what it is: a struggle with "envy, comparison, and discontent."
- Anonymous3:16 PM
I totally read this post as an acknowledgment that it is time to redefine "you"...not an "us vs them" type scenario, but more of a "who am I now?" thing. Girl, you are light years ahead of me. I didn't even look up and see the world for about 18 months after number four kid came into our lives..it was INSANE for a while. But one day I did look up and realize it was time to be who I am...and I'm still discovering the richness of that.ReplyDelete
since you're all confessional and stuff ... i confess that i am often envious of people with a less insane number of children. we all want what we don't have. human nature is so sucky sometimes.ReplyDelete
:) and yes, i love my too many children a lot even so.
plus, everyone in Texas is so done up. i cannot compete. but when i see you in may ... expect me to look young, appealing, and NOT haggard (thanks Waco Tribune). :)
A couple months in of becoming a family of five from a family of three ...ReplyDelete
-- we haven't even had anyone over other than our social worker.
-- when we do get together with friends, it's usually with other adoptive families with more kids than we have!
-- and we're all exhausted.
Congrats for stepping out!
Did you write this from my house?ReplyDelete
We have three kids four and under and it is LOUD. We love young couples (not that we're not young ourselves), and have newly married couples over a lot. We really benefited from being on the receiving end of that mentorship, and now we are the ones with the crazy life!
This week a couple was commenting on how great our kids are and I said "well they are great, and it's so great when they're behaving well." The girl said...wait for it..."this is them behaving well?" I had to work so hard not to burst out laughing!
Our chaos is a great chaos and people love to be in it. They also love to go home at the end of the night. Keep inviting people in, and also keep working to get out on your own. Sometimes I go through phases where I feel like I can't find the me under the mom and I have to work extra to connect with myself again. I think you HAVE to do that, otherwise you can't keep giving generously to your kids.


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It's MORNING EDITION, from NPR News. I'm Steve Inskeep.
And I'm Renee Montagne.
This is the time when we begin to find if the emotional power of the Newtown school shooting will translate into political change. People affected by mass shootings are now talking with state and federal lawmakers.
Susan Aaron's daughter escaped the shooting in Newtown after seeing her teacher and friends killed.
SUSAN AARON: We stop being the world's greatest country when we allow our most vulnerable citizens to be slaughtered because we might offend people by taking away their guns.
INSKEEP: Aaron's told her story to Connecticut lawmakers, and so did Newtown resident Bill Stevens, who opposes tighter gun laws.
BILL STEVENS: I'm very saddened at what happened in Sandy Hook as a dad, as I said. But I'm also saddened as a veteran to have to be here speaking on home soil in defense of our fundamental rights as Americans.
MONTAGNE: That was some of the testimony in Connecticut on the same day as a hearing in Washington, D.C. Lawmakers have spoken of changes, ranging from a ban on assault weapons, to better background checks.
NPR's Carrie Johnson reports emotions ran high, starting with the opening witness.
CARRIE JOHNSON, BYLINE: For former Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, every step is a struggle. Giffords' right arm is paralyzed. She's also partially blind, the result of a point blank shooting two years ago at a Tucson shopping plaza where she met with constituents.
GABRIELLE GIFFORDS: Violence is a big problem. Too many children are dying. Too many children. We must do something.
JOHNSON: Giffords read her statement from a piece of lined notebook paper, the kind that's so familiar in schools all over the country.
GIFFORDS: It will be hard, but the time is now. You must act.
JOHNSON: The next four hours demonstrated exactly how hard it may be for the divided Senate to move ahead on new gun regulations.
Republicans raised doubts about a ban on assault weapons, an idea even many Democrats say won't fly in Congress. Several GOP senators also said they'd have a hard time supporting limits on high capacity magazines that carry dozens of rounds of ammunition.
Senator John Cornyn from Texas.
SENATOR JOHN CORNYN: The federal government has a poor record of enforcing current laws, and I fail to see how passing additional laws that the Department of Justice will not enforce is going to make America any safer.
JOHNSON: Then there's the background check system. Under current law, only gun sales through federally licensed dealers get background checks, even though many sales now take place at gun shows, on the Internet, or through friends and family.
James Johnson - the police chief in Baltimore County, Maryland - told senators as many as four in 10 people never go through that system.
CHIEF JAMES JOHNSON: Allowing 40 percent of those acquiring guns to bypass checks is like allowing 40 percent of passengers to board a plane without going through security. Would we do this?
JOHNSON: Speaking for a law enforcement coalition, Johnson asked senators to impose universal background checks that would cover private sales.
JOHNSON: And if you think for a minute you could sell your gun to your neighbor that you've known for 10 years, you don't know your neighbor. You do not know your neighbor. And the only way to make sure that you're safe in what you're doing is a comprehensive background check.
WAYNE LAPIERRE: You're creating an enormous federal bureaucracy.
JOHNSON: Wayne LaPierre is the chief executive of the National Rifle Association.
LAPIERRE: It's only going to hit the law-abiding people, not criminals. Honest people are going to be entrapped into committing crimes they had no intention to commit, and it's going to - it's an unworkable universal federal nightmare bureaucracy.
JOHNSON: Days after the Newtown school shooting, LaPierre famously said the best way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. Before the Senate Judiciary Committee, he repeated his call for armed guards in schools.
Lindsey Graham's a Republican from South Carolina.
SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM: We live in a world where there are four million high capacity magazines out there, or more. I think the best way to interrupt the shooter if they come to a school house is not to try to deny the woman in Atlanta the ability to have more than 10 rounds, but to have somebody like you, Chief Johnson, meet them when they come into the door.
JOHNSON: Mark Kelly, a retired astronaut who's married to Gabrielle Giffords, told lawmakers that could be dangerous. In Tucson two years ago, Kelly says, a Good Samaritan with a gun came within a split second of shooting someone other than the killer. Kelly says the issue's complex. But...
MARK KELLY: One of our messages is simple: the breadth and complexity of gun violence is great, but it is not an excuse for inaction.
JOHNSON: Kelly shook hands with NRA executives as the hearing finally came to a close.
When it comes to action in the Senate, it's still not clear who has the upper hand.
Carrie Johnson, NPR News, Washington. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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I have decided that blogging has made me creepy as hell.
No, not blogging. Commenting on blogs. Tweeting. Facebooking.
If you are one of the people who has been thinking to themselves (woohoo! ill-considered plural-for-unknown-gender pronoun!):
"Selves, Backpacking Dad is creeping me out a little bit. He keeps showing up at my cyber-house and leaving notes on the fridge. Then he stops by my cyber-office and puts up a picture of himself on my whiteboard. And he's started leaving messages on my cyber-answering machine. Oh, and he's called my parents to see if I was 'around anywhere or doing anything he could help out with, or watch'."
then I apologize.
I'm gonna go ahead and stop now.
I'm done commenting on your blogs and Tweeting at you and tracking you down on Facebook. I need to meet some people out in the real world. I need to come face to face with people that I can talk to about life, the universe, and the rest (two references in one passage here...I'm waiting for Badass Geek to get both of these).
I'm going to take a little break in July. A couple of days off, out in the real world, talking to real people. So, for at least one weekend in July, around the 18th and 19th or so, I'm going to go up to the City, San Francisco to you non-Californians, and I'm going to get it together.
I'm going to hang around Union Square and talk to real live folks. Maybe I'll hang out at the Fancy Hotel down there, the Westin St. Francis. I hear there will be something going on there and maybe some people will be there who I can talk to.
It'll be nice to just get out of the apartment and not think about blogging, or the bloggers who read this blog, or the bloggers whose blogs I read, or the Tweeps I tweet at or any of those people who I stalk in cyber-space and who I make really really uncomfortable in cyber-life.
*******************Warning. Asterisk Tone Reversal Wall*******************
In case any of that was too subtle, I'm going to BlogHer. You can buy me free drinks there and I can pretend that I totally don't stalk you in a creepy way.


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