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Visitor Comments: 73
(70) Shoshi, December 20, 2010 6:34 AM
do riddles count? age almost 10
You are in a room with a calendar a bed and a piano you have to eat drink and get out, in that order. there is a door that is locked. Answer: take the dates off the calender and eat them then take the bed springs and drink them,finally take the piano keys and un lock the door. you are in a room with a chair and a mirror there is no door or window how do you get out? Answer : look in the mirror you saw your out. One time my friend was telling blond jokes and my mom told her not to because it was mean to blond people. Joke:
(68) Anonymous, August 2, 2010 2:15 AM
You're gonna love this one.....
(67) Anonymous, June 17, 2010 4:20 PM
I used to be a teacher and when my students started telling jokes about groups of people who may be hurt by the joke I corrected them and told them not to joke that way. However, I told them they were allowed to tell all the Chaldean, Babylonia and Philistine jokes they wanted since we already know what God thought of them. By the way, how many Chaleans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: What's a light bulb? Believe me, they were off and running almost without missing a beat. They had so much fun trying to change their jokes around and even make up new ones.
(65) Anonymous, June 3, 2010 7:08 PM
answer to riddle
Good riddle. took me a minute..but its not mathematical at all. You simply twisted things around in a way that easily fools the reader. The $5 was SUBTRACTED from the initial $30, so when you subtract the $3 given back, you don't then ADD the $2 to it, but subtract it as well. So it's not $27 2..it's $27-2=$25.
(64) Sheila Deutsch, May 30, 2010 4:40 PM
a joke
A Braslover chassid and an Lubavitch chassid both pass away at the same time. Unfortunately, they are both going down not up. The Braslover calls out, "Reb Nachman, Reb Nachman." Immediately he hears Reb Nachman's voice asking, "Where are you?" "I am on the road to Gehenom" he answers. A hand reaches out from Shamayim, grabs the chassid by the payout, and pulls him into Shamayim. Of course the Chabadnik then calls out, "Rebbe, Rebbe." He then hears the Rebbe's voice ask, "Where are you?" He answers, "I am going to Gehenom." The Rebbe then asks him, "Is there a Chabad House there yet?'
(63) Galit, May 29, 2010 9:34 AM
Rabbi's joke
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
(62) LF, May 28, 2010 5:05 PM
my favorite joke: lottery
i am translating this from russian so i hope the humor sticks: a man comes home in an extremely excited state. his wife sees him and says "honey what is it?" he yells "i won the lottery! pack your bags!" she screams "oh my G-d! what kind of stuff should i pack? summer stuff? winter stuff?" he replies "pack ALL your stuff and get out!!!"
(61) Anonymous, May 28, 2010 10:44 AM
ending of video
(60) Binyamin, May 28, 2010 3:58 AM
The Snail and the Turtle
(59) Nechama, May 28, 2010 3:52 AM
man quits smoking
i was walking down the street and saw another man on a street corner smoking 2 cigarettes. he asked the man why. the man explained, "my brother is in jail and can't smoke there so i smoke one for him and one for him." the next week he saw the man on that same street corner again. he was smoking ONE cigarette this time. "oh, your brother got let out of jail?" i asked. "no," the man replied, "I QUIT SMOKING."
(58) Raisy, May 27, 2010 11:21 PM
Nailed to the plus sign
One comment: I don't think, Lori, that the rabbis said that every lecture must start with a joke. The g'mara relates that a certain rabbi started each shiur with a witty or humorous comment. Here's a joke: Little Irving is flunking math. His parents have tried everything from tutors, to drills. They hear that Catholic Schools have the best math teachers and so, reluctantly, they decide to try it as a last resort and enroll Irving in the local Catholic School. To their amazement, Irving''s math grades go up. When they asked little Irving what caused the improvement, he answered: "Well, dad, when you drove me up to the school and I see this guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they mean business here!
(57) Irit Kaufman, May 27, 2010 10:38 PM
A duck walks into a a bar and asks the bar tender, "Got any gwapes?" The bar tender says, "No, we only sell licker here. Sorry." The next day, the duck comes back and says, "Got any gwapes?" The bar tender says, "I already told you; we don't sell grapes here!" The duck comes back the next day and says, "Got any gwapes?" The bar tender says, "I already told you! No! If you come back one more time I'm going to nail you to the ground!" The next day, the duck comes back and asks, "Got any nails?" The bar tender says, "No, why?" The duck says, "Got any gwapes!"
(56) Tony, May 27, 2010 5:57 PM
English joke for Lori.
(55) Nancy, May 27, 2010 5:04 PM
Man dies and goes to heaven, then he's disappointed.
A man dies and goes to heaven and all of his friends go to the other place. G-d welcomes him and gives him a lovely meal of a tuna fish sandwich. He then looks down and sees his friends dining on steak and lobster. He then says to G-d, "How come my friends down there get good stuff to eat and I'm in heaven and get tunafish?" G-d then replies, "To tell you the truth, I didn't want to fuss for just the 2 of us."
(54) Shaya, May 27, 2010 11:38 AM
Bar Joke
(53) Anonymous, May 27, 2010 6:16 AM
Bar Joke
(52) Tomy Fisterman, May 27, 2010 4:15 AM
(51) , May 27, 2010 3:03 AM
(50) Anonymous, May 26, 2010 11:51 PM
words can sometimes mean your life
There were once 3 men, and they were all about to be killed, because of a crime they did. They all made a plan to say something scary just when the guy is about to shoot, so he'll get scared, and won't kill them. The first guy went and he screams- TORNADO! The shooter got scared and ran. The second guy comes and screams- VOLCANO!, and again the other shooter got scared and ran. The third guy came, and screams- FIRE! can you guess why he was the only one who got killed?
(49) Icha Zenwirth, May 26, 2010 11:09 PM
Smart Joke
Once upon a time, in Medieval Europe, lived a Duke who was very sociable with his peer lords. He attended balls, celebrations and other fanfares that the noblemen were accustomed to. He also had a son who entered manhood but was a bit on the "not bright side". He did not engage in any conversations or discourses. His father hired someone to teach him witty jokes that he could repeat at these events and so fit in. He was asked by this person - "How many eggs can you eat on empty stomach?". "5" He replied. He was told that the correct answer was "1" because once you ate one egg your stomach was no longer empty. He laughed and said "Thanks - I'll remember that one". Well, at the next ball after being introduced by his father the Duke he asked one of the crowd "How many eggs can you on an empty stomach? "4" was the reply. He said "Shucks - if you would have said '5' I would have had a nice joke for you".
(48) Anonymous, May 26, 2010 10:59 PM
26 Richard
(47) JokeMaster, May 26, 2010 9:29 PM
(39) The Motel Problem ...
(46) Shayna, May 26, 2010 7:27 PM
(45) avram baruch kimelman, May 26, 2010 6:43 PM
4 b'kitzur from plano texas
1]] what do you get when you cross a rabbit with a chicken? NISHTA HEN, NISHTA HARE! 2] what do you call the wife in a jewish divorce? -PLAINTIFF-. 3] according to jewish doctrine, when is a fetus considered a viable human being? -WHEN IT GRADUATES FROM MED SCHOOL! 4] A wealthy older jewish couple were discussing their upcomming 30th wedding anniversary... morty turns to sylvia, what can i do to make you happy this year darling?? a nice diamond rolex....maybe a new sable coat?....I know, that new jaguar convertible!!!!???? Look morty, what i really want from you is a DIVORCE!! gee whizz , says morty, I wasn't planning to spend that much!!!
(44) Jay Silverberg, May 26, 2010 5:39 PM
Grateful Dead without drugs
(43) steve, May 26, 2010 5:12 PM
Oldies but goodies
(42) Rabbi Steve, May 26, 2010 4:24 PM
Shabbos Golf
A rabbi, frustrated by the lack of attention paid to his sermons, decides to take a Shabbos off from shul and go to the golf course. The angels on high are mortified and begin complaining to hashem. "Look at him" ,they shout. " He's violating the day of rest" "We have to do something" "Don't worry" Hashem says. I have the perfect punishment for him. As the angels watch the Rabbi steps up to address the ball on the first tee. Hashem looks on lovingly as the ball is struck with firm precision and sails straight for the edge of the green and rolls neatly into the hole. The angels, with unbelief , ask Hashem, "What kind of punishment is that?" " You gave him a hole in one!" They then notice that insted of being elated the Rabbi is so upset that he can't continue the game. The angels are puzzeled. Hashem with all his wisdom says, "see, we have given him what every golfer wants, but, who can he brag too?"
(41) Anonymous, May 26, 2010 1:22 PM
(40) Benito, May 26, 2010 8:06 AM
Two Beggars
Two beggars sit on a street corner in a small town in the midwest begging for money. One beggar has a sign with a big cross on it and asking people to spare their change by the name of JC, their lord. The second beggar also has a sign but with a Jewish Star on it, asking people for their change in the name of Moses. The first beggar's bucket is full of coins while the second one's is empty. A priest passe by, stops at the second beggars and says to him: "Let me give you some advice, my brother, this is a Christian town, populated by good hearted Christian people. It is obvious that they will give their money to the beggar next to you. Furthermore, when they see your sign, they will give even more to the other guy. You may want to re-consider your sign." The second beggar turns to the first one and says: "Hey Moishe, look who's trying to teach us marketing..."
(39) Anonymous, May 26, 2010 6:36 AM
The Motel Problem
Three men share a room in a motel for $30, and each pays $10. Due to a partial water outage the manager decides to refund them $5 and sends the bellhop to deliver the $5. The bellhop figures that just to be safe he'll take his $2 tip in advance and he gives them back $3 which they then share. So now each one has paid $9 for a total of $27. The bellhop has $2 for a total of $29. Where did the missing dollar go??
(38) Debbie, May 26, 2010 4:46 AM
senior moments
(37) Anonymous, May 26, 2010 4:15 AM
imaginig the worst response and giving a pre-emtive punch
A joke I use to help people see how they are swatting flies that are imaginary - being prickly with people who love them - out of fear that these people will not be there for them: Once a young farmer broke his axe, and he trudged up a long rocky hill to a neighbor to ask him to please lend him an axe. The whole way there, he was picturing the worst. He imagined his old neighbor giving him all kinds of excuses rather than being kind and helpful. He got to his neighbor's door and anxiously knocked. It took a while until the old farmer opened his door. By that time our hero was in a frenzy of fear and anger. When his neighbor opened the door he spat these words at him: "You can keep your d---ed axe!" - turned around and went home, leaving the old man puzzled and astounded.
(36) Shushannah, May 26, 2010 3:55 AM
Rabbit resting
(35) Anonymous, May 26, 2010 3:43 AM
snail on turtle
(34) Anonymous, May 26, 2010 1:54 AM
A Priest, Rabbi and Minister
(33) LOL, May 25, 2010 10:26 PM
dont know if this is even true... To make fun, one year a Jew-hater sent a Rabbi mishloach manot on purim with a picture of a pig inside. Later on in the day the Rabbi sent back mishloach manot with a picture of himelf. When the Jew-hater asked why he sent a picture of himself, the Rabbi replied "Well, you sent a picture of yourself so i did the same" :) thanx Lori for your amazing videos!!!!
(32) Daniel Morgenbesser, May 25, 2010 10:08 PM
(31) Yisroel, May 25, 2010 8:33 PM
There are passive-aggressive types who are chronic teasers and their teasing is really used to mask hostile feelings. I have been the victim of teasers and the sad thing is that most people condone and even laugh along with the teaser. They can always hide behind the line, "I was just kidding!" They are not "just kidding." They are using deceptive tactics to hurt. Yes, humor, can be used for best reasons, BUT, when humor even borders on "laitzones," it comes within the realm of embarrassing a person which is very serious sin.
(30) Keith in Woking, UK, May 25, 2010 7:37 PM
Hey Lori.. Before I tell you my joke, I've just gotta tell you what happened when watching your video.. I heard the 1st number (103) then the 2nd (37), then you said that the guy wanted to try it himself......... 42, I thought...........then you said "42"... Wow!!!!!.. Amazing!.. Of all the numbers I could have thought of, & I go and pick that one!!!.. Oo-er!... I reckon we must be on the same wavelength!...... Now for my English-type joke (please don't cry!): "Two TV aerials decided to get married... Great Wedding... terrible Reception!" (er...sorry about that everyone!) :)
(29) John J. Miller, May 25, 2010 6:51 PM
(28) Shlomoh, May 25, 2010 6:16 PM
Old Jew and Old Black Man
An old Jewish man sat down in a subway train and noticed an old black man sittinig next to him, reading a Yiddish newspaper. The old Jew looked and looked at the man reading the Yiddish newspaper and kept wondering to himself, "What's this guy doing, reading a newspaper in MY language." Finally after the inner tension became to great, the old Jew spoke to the black man and said, "ENSHULDIGT. ICH ZEY AS IHR LEHNT A YIDISHER TSAYTUNG. EFSHER ZINT IRH A YID?" The black man looked at the old Jew and said, NUR DOS FEYLT MIR!"
(27) Anonymous, May 25, 2010 5:08 PM
One of my favorite jokes is: A small girl in kindergarten is coloring a picture. As her teacher walks around the room, she pauses at her desk and asks, "So, what are you coloring?" "A picture of G-d," she answers. "But no one knows what He looks like," the teacher says. "They will now," the girl happily replies. :)
(26) Richard Seigel, May 25, 2010 5:07 PM
There are three men standing on the corner, an American, a Russian, a Chinese person and an Israeli. A reporter comes by and says:" Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage"? The American says, "Whats shortage"?, the Russian says"whats meat"?, The Chinese person says, "Whats opinion:?, The Israeli says, "Whats opinion"?
(25) Dina, May 25, 2010 4:41 PM
tThis is an oldie but a goodie. The Israeli Airforce has a new plane, but every time it reaches a certain hight in the air, the wings break off. They call in all sorts of engineers and other specialists, but no one can figure how to fix the plane so this won't happen. Finally, they call in a rabbi to bless the plane, hoping this might help. The rabbi says,"I'll be happy to bless your plane, but I have a suggestion for you. Drill a series of holes into the wings forming parallel lines." Everybody thinks the rabbi is nuts, but they've tried everything else, so they figure, might as well try this, too. Amazingly, the plane goes up in the air, higher and higher, and not a problem. The head of the air force goes up to the rabbi and exclaims, "Rabbi, you've made a miracle! How did you know this would work?" The rabbi answered, "It was simple. Have you ever tried to crack a matzah on one of those little lines?"
(24) Miriam, May 25, 2010 4:36 PM
the hen-pecked husband one
Two lines form in heaven. One has a sign "Hen-Pecked Husbands" The other for the other kind. The Hen-Pecked Husbands line is long with standing men. The other line has one man on it. "What are you doing here?" they ask him. "My wife told me to stand here." (My father (a chashuva rav) told this over at my huband's aufruf seuda when my mother made him move where he was speaking!)
(22) Walter E Lee, May 25, 2010 2:57 PM
(21) Anonymous, May 25, 2010 2:17 PM
(20) Anonymous, May 25, 2010 2:15 PM
suggested joke
Anonymous, June 30, 2011 12:23 PM
(19) Stephen Berr, May 25, 2010 2:07 PM
My "favoirite" joke?
I know too many jokes to have a favorite. It's like asking which is your favorite food, or (chulilah) child. Each has a special place. But here goes with one I like. A man falls over a cliff, but grabs on to a shrub just as he goes over the side, and id dangling there below the edge. "Help, help!" he cries. "Is any one up there to help me?" A deep booming voice is heard" "Moishe, it's me, G-d! Let go of the the branch and I will carry you back up to the top". There is a long silence as Moishe hangs there with nothing but air beneath his feet. Finally he calls out: "Is there anyone else up there?"
(18) , May 25, 2010 1:57 PM
A king of ancient times had a manservant with the most positive attitude you could possibly imagine. No matter what happened, the manservant would always say, "Things are as they should be." One day the king went hunting and the manservant was along to help the king. The king was attacked by wild animals and one of them ripped off his left foot. Had the manservant not intervened, the king would have perished. The king lamented over his lost foot and the manservant replied to the king, "Things are as they should be." The king was furious and told the manservant,"When we get back home, you're going to prison." The manservant was thrown into to prison and the king forgot about him over time. Quite some time passes and the king goes on another hunting trip. This time he encounters cannibals who are intent on having him for dinner, but when they see that he his missing a foot, they immediately let him go. The cannibals will not eat an imperfect captive, they decide to eat his current manservant instead. He was not missing any of his parts. When the king returned home from his trip, he immediately went the prison and had his old manservant released from jail. The king told the manservant his story about his latest hunting trip and thanked him for his many years of faithful service to the king. The king then said, "Things really are as they should be." I love this story. I really think it illustrates how G_d is driving the bus and we're along for the ride. We may not know why things happen to us in life, but everything happens for a reason, it is all according to the divine plan.
(17) Risha Shaw, May 25, 2010 1:41 PM
sneior joke
(16) , May 25, 2010 1:52 AM
Joke #1: A wife says to her husband: "You don't like anyone on my side of the family!" The husband replies: "That is not true, I like YOUR mother-in-law better then I like my own." Joke #2: An old woman gets on a bus and sees that all the seats are taken. She says to someone: "If you knew what I had, you would let me have your seat." So the person says to her: "of course mam!" And he gives her the seat. The bus driver was a block from the old woman's home. He stopped at the woman's bus stop, she went up to him and said to the driver: "If you knew what I had you would drive me right to my home." He said to her: "Of course!" When he pulled up to her house and she got off the bus, she was just about to go inside her home when the bus driver called out: "Hey lady! What DO you have?" And this is what she said to him: "Chutspah!"
(15) Mordechai Shuali, May 25, 2010 12:34 AM
Jokery or Mockery
There is a big difference between a joke and a statement that mocks. The Talmud teaches that to mock - to chip away at the honor / intrinsic worth that all creations have - is the trait of the laitz; the scoffer or mocker. The Torah teaches that one who is characterized by that trait - the trait of laitzanut - will not merit some aspect of eternity that other beings will (perhaps by virtue of their seed continuing). Most of the jokes submitted seem to fall into this category. Some, in the worst form possible; making fun of long-held other religions or practices of our own people such as those followed when looking for a suitable match for our children. One of the greatest Rabbis of the past 50 years once commented that many people mix up the rules of picking an Etrog for the holiday of Succot and for picking a wife. We are supposed to look for the most beautiful Etrog and good lineage in a wife. Unfortunately, too many people do the opposite.
(14) Anonymous, May 24, 2010 10:43 PM
(13) Mordechai Shuali, May 24, 2010 7:50 PM
Number 2 - Expressing Gratitude
This "opener" teaches about gratitude. Once again the purpose of the light word is to open up the audience to the topic and to get them to realize there is much to learn about. Visiting a local farmer, the man noticed a pig missing one leg. Curious, the man asked the owner about the sight. The farmer began telling an amazing tale about how this pig had save him from a combine, one of his children from a fire, and the entire household from a band of armed robbers. As this did not seem to explain the missing leg, the man asked more directly. This time the farmer provided the answer. "A pig that has done so much for your family, to who we owe so much . . . you cannot eat all at once!
(12) Mordechai Shuali, May 24, 2010 7:40 PM
The Lesson is No Joke
A very well know Rabbi and author once asked his students, as he was abut to begin a talk, if anyone had a good joke to tell. He explained that there were ground rules, however. The joke could not be offensive to any group of people, could not be off-color, and had to have a lesson attached to it. Apparently no one present was able to meet those conditions, so the Rabbi said he would provide the humor that evening. I think we can see from here what the Talmud meant. The "joke" is not to get a laugh out of the crowd. In fact the Talmud prohibits one to fill his mouth with laughter. It probably means to use a parable/fable/story in order to drive a point home that dry facts or hard rebuke may not have done. Having said that, here are two examples. I hope they will be helpful to you. Flood waters were threatening the entire town. Everyone had evacuated except one individual. He had already retreated to his second floor when a boat came by. The motor-man begged him to come aboard. the man replied, "I have always been a man of faith. G-d will certainly save me. Some time later, left with no choice, he is no in his attic. Another boat rides by and again the driver begs the man to come aboard. One again he replies that he attended services religiously, prays every day, and has complete faith that G-d will save him. It was not long before the man was holding on for dear life to the top of his chimney. Now a helicopter hovered overhead, dropped a rope ladder and ordered the man to come up. He refused, this time explaining that he "had always tithed his money for charitable causes and he was sure that G-d would save him. Well, as he approached the pearly gates he was, by now, quite upset. how could G-d have forsaken a man who showed such faith even while facing sure death. He voiced his complaint. The booming, heavenly voice replied, "Who do you think sent you the two boats and the helicopter? We'll let the teacher find the appropriate lesson.
(11) Hemdah Trus, May 24, 2010 8:14 AM
Would Most People Date Anyone In The Torah?
Would Most People Date Anyone In The Torah? There's Avraham Avinu - he seems to be frum but really he's a BT and his father made idols, not our kind... next Yitzchak Avinu - well his grandfather made idols, there was all that nastiness with Lot and his half brother is an arab. Yaakov Avinu - His great-grandfather made idols, his brother went off the derech, his mother comes from a very treyfe family and he wasn't shomer negiah with Rachel Imeinu before they were married and he spent a lot of time with his uncle who's mammesh a rasha. Yosef HaTzaddik - his mother had an idol once and she died early, plus he's a slave and his brothers don't like him, must be something in that and with all the issues with Avraham Avinu and Yitzchak and Yaakov Avinu... better not to Moshe Rabbeinu - Oy, what a maaseh!!! his parents seperated, then they got back together, his parents abandoned him, put him in a basket, he was raised by goyim... not our kind for sure. he may be close to Hashem but his background is so problematic we wouldn't want him in our family! Caleb's descendants - we don't want to marry into that family enough said. David HaMelech - Descended from a Geyoret, not our kind of people. Sure a few generations have gone by but all things being equal shouldn't we look for someone with a more 'jewish' background. Shlomo HaMelech - See above, also his mother's marriage was very dubious, he is rich though but the yichus and family background is very tricky.
(10) Sarah, May 24, 2010 6:48 AM
(9) Shlomit Feder, May 24, 2010 5:29 AM
local call
I alway aprreciate your talks, Lorry, thanks a lot. Here is a lovely joke I heard several years ago. The American President and the Israeli Prime minister meet in the USA for peace talks. After a while the Israeli prime minister asks the US goverrnment for permission to phone Hashem for advise. Obviously he is granted permission and promised to get the bill as he insists, since he doesn't want to owe the US government any favors. After a 5 minute conversation with Hashem, he is presented with a bill of a $1000.-, which he promptly pays. A few months later the American president comes to Israel for further peace talks with the Israeli prime minister. Also he asks after some time to converse with Hashem for full pay of the phone bill. His conversation lasts over half an hour, and he prepares to pay a hefty price. The bill is presented to him: NIS 1.-. He says: " This can't be, I spoke over half an hour to G'd". The response he receives is: "It's a local call".
(8) Anonymous, May 24, 2010 3:33 AM
Jew and Nazi
(7) Gavin-Chaim Ephraim Marsden, May 24, 2010 1:13 AM
What I have got to say is not actually a joke but a comment on the importance of laughter in Judiasm.Our name for our second patriarch is Yitzchak which means 'you will laugh'.This symbolised the joy of Abraham and Sarah at Yitzchak's miraculous birth.We can also learn something else from our forefathers.Abraham symbolised complete faith in HaKadosh Baruch Hu.When we have true emuna we can laugh with joy-Yitzchak.This will then lead to Yaakov-humility,truth,beauty and love
(6) Anonymous, May 23, 2010 6:59 PM
Holiday Inn
(5) G.M. Grena, May 23, 2010 5:27 PM
Kosher Hot Dog Vendor
A Zen master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen master. The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
(4) Anonymous, May 23, 2010 4:58 PM
We need humor
(3) Yossi, May 23, 2010 2:59 PM
Israeli Humor at the UN
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world Community smile. A representative from Israel began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them.' The Palestinian representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there then.' The Israeli representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.
(2) Yossi, May 23, 2010 2:55 PM
Ralph and Edna
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. 'The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry..... How soon can I go home?'
(1) Rosen, May 23, 2010 11:32 AM
Splitting a pig


text:
Olazzo > Olazzo Menu
Italian | Bethesda Dinner Menulightly breaded calamari rings served with homemade marinara
kumato tomatoes, mozzarella & basil tossed with olive oil & garlic served warm on toasted ciabatta with sausage or eggplant
toasted ciabatta topped with garlic & mozzarella served with homemade marinara
layers of fresh mozzarella, kumato tomato & basil served with fire-roasted red peppers, black olives & pepperoncini
three homemade meatballs topped with marinara & mozzarella served on grilled brioche
broiled medjool dates stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in pancetta served with chianti reduction
fried saffron risotto balls stuffed with mozzarella served with marinara
romaine and mesclun tossed in homemade vinaigrette with english cucumbers & red onions
kumato tomatoes, fresh mozzarella & basil tossed with homemade vinaigrette & sea salt
sauteed shrimp with kumato tomatoes, fresh mozzarella & basil over house salad
homemade meatballs or mild italian sausage over penne marinara
pasta sheets layered with fresh ricotta, mozzarella and homemade marinara
our homemade lasagna with seasoned ground beef
sliced sausage sauteed in olive oil & garlic with onions, red & yellow bell peppers over linguine
dice rroma tomatoes and fresh basil sauteed with olive oil & garlic
creamy alfredo served with choice of milanese
diced roma tomatoes, broccoli, peppers, onions, mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes sauteed with garlic & olive oil
ricotta, parmesan, romano and mozzarella filled pasta cooked in homemade tomato-cream sauce
roasted chicken and sun-dried tomatoes sauteed in homemade tomato-cream sauce with penne pasta
lightly breaded chicken breast topped with marinara & mozzarella over penne pasta
lightly breaded sliced eggplant topped with marinara & mozzarella over penne pasta
grilled eggplant layered with roasted red peppers fresh mozzarella and basil over spaghettini
sauteed fresh littleneck clams served with marinara or lemon white wine sauce
shrimp and lump crabmeat sauteed in homemade tomato-cream sauce with penne pasta
penne baked with eggplant, basil, mild italian sausage, ricotta, marinara & layered with mozzarella
shrimp sauteed in a fresh basil pesto with pine nuts and a touch of cream over linguine
grilled salmon served with sauteed vegetables and fresh mango relish
Disclaimer: Always check with the business for pricing and availability of menu items. SinglePlatform is not responsible for menu or pricing changes, but the information is believed to be accurate when posted. Listing of a menu does not mean that there is any affiliation, endorsement or sponsorship between SinglePlatform and the listed business.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Invaluable cannot guarantee the accuracy of translations through Google Translate and disclaims any responsibility for inaccurate translations.
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Lot 5: COLLECTION (30) MISC. CIGAR BOX LABELS
Ephemera, Advertising & Collectibles Auction
by The Gallery at Knotty Pine
December 13, 2012
West Swanzey, NH, USA
Live AuctionSold
Looking for the realized and estimated price?
Description: (30) MISC. DIFFERENT COLOR PAPER LITHO CIGAR BOX LABELS INCLUIDNG FAMOUS PLAYERS, REYNALDO, EVEN-STEVEN, NEFTA, MARTITA KEATS, DEL CARA, IMPERIAL CLUB, THOMPSON'S, SPENCER MORRIS & MANY OTHERS-MUCH VARIETY (USUAL SIZES)
Condition Report: WEAR, CHIPPING, SOILING, IMPERFECTIONS
Browse more items


text:
We managed to get one of the first samples of Sapphire's Radeon HD 3850 Ultimate 512MB GDDR3 card. The best thing about this card is that despite its reference 670MHz core clock and 1660MHz memory clock, the card is passively cooled.
The is a jewel for all who want a silent PC but, as with every passively cooled card, you need to assure good airflow to keep the card cool.
The passive cooler has three heatpipes that are driving the heat onto the radiator, placed on the back of the card. The card works with Crossfire, supports HDMI and, of course, comes with free Black box Half Life 2 copy.
To make a difference, Sapphire also ships a full version of 3Dmark06 so you can prove to your friends you have the highest score.
The card is listed for about €180 and should be in retail stores any day now. We will do our best to have a review of this card shortly, but before that happens enjoy our pictures.
Published in
Sapphire's passively cooled 3850 512MB materializes
Preview: World's first passively cooled 3850


text:
In order to enter VEA, you must:
- Be a U.S. resident, or a residing international student between the ages of 18 and 23 at the time of application
- Have attained a high level of musical achievement which can be demonstrated through solo performances, honors, and other accolades
- Possess the personal qualities compatible with the supérieure musical standards of Vandoren
- Not have a record contract or product endorsement
To be considered, you must:
- Be available for travel and performances in Indianapolis March 9-12, 2017.
- Complete all information on the application and
- Submit MP3 or M4A recordings to us. MP3 and M4A recordings are the only formats we will accept.
Deadline for submission is December 7th, 2016 with this repertoire.
Additional Information
Prize winners will be notified by phone or email on or around January 15th, 2017.
Prize winners are requested to immediately supply a photo/headshot and bio for promotional purposes and official announcement.


text:
Belfort Furniture offers White Glove in-home delivery and set-up by professionally trained personnel who will unwrap, place, and assemble your furniture in the appropriate room. Delivery is available Tuesday - Saturday. Once your delivery date is scheduled, you will receive a three hour delivery timeframe the day prior to your delivery.
Furniture may be picked up at our warehouse Monday-Saturday from 10AM to 6PM or Sunday from Noon to 5PM. Furniture that is picked-up may require assembly.
For delivery outside of our local metropolitan area, please contact us with your item(s) of interest for a delivery quote! 703-406-7600 or email@example.com
The Sutton House Dining Room Group by Bernhardt from Belfort Furniture. We proudly serve the Washington DC, Northern Virginia, Maryland and Fairfax VA area. Product availability may vary. Contact us for the most current availability on this product.
Celebrating classic New England designs through a contemporary perspective, Sutton House's neo-traditional furniture proves that sometimes you have to look back to move forward. The collection's high end style starts with flat cut figured prima vera veneers in a rich Dark Mink finish, with Venetian mirror accents and silver leaf elements that brighten the collection and lend an element of glamour to select pieces. Silver eglomise detailing in three-dimensional diamond and cube-shaped patterns bring a sense of luxury and texture to the collection, while rosettes and sunbursts reference traditional elegance. A masterclass in scale and proportion, Sutton House reinterprets traditional style to make a modern statement, for a look that's as timeless and refined as the classic designs that inspired it.
The Sutton House collection is a great option if you are looking for Transitional furniture in the Washington DC, Northern Virginia, Maryland and Fairfax VA area.
These images are representative of this group as a whole and may differ from this item.
Browse other items in the Sutton House collection from Belfort Furniture in the Washington DC, Northern Virginia, Maryland and Fairfax VA area.
Nothing on this page may be copied or reproduced without explicit permission.


text:
This is what I bought when I saw Lindsay's challenge to create a $5.00 spring decor from items from the dollar store.
To start off I painted the wreath blue with some blue paint I had left over from a painting project. Then I flatened out the coffee filters and painted them and some small rocks from my yard, using the same blue paint and some brown paint leftover from painting my room. I also used a empty soup can, some branches from my yard. I then took the dry coffee filters and turned them into flowers....I will post a tutorial on how I did those later if anyone is interested.
Added a pom pom made from some leftover yarn. Glued some of the twigs from my yard onto the wreath then added some of large coffe filter flowers. Hot glued moss on a piece of the brown painted coffee filters in the shape of a nest, then glued three of the rocks I had painted in it. Then glued the nest to the wreath
I was pretty pleased with the outcome! Didn't even spend five dollars I only spent three Ya! But wait I'm not done. I had tons of moss and painted coffee filters left so I took the empty soup can, cut out some of the brown painted coffee filters in heart shapes and a few half heart or petal shapes and glued them around the can. Glued Moss around the top of the can, stuck some more branches inside. Cut mini flowers and glued two together and then randomly glued them to the twigs, and glued a few more of the painted rocks around the moss.
Tada! My finished spring decor dollar store style all for Three bucks! I love it, what do you think?


text: In this low-budget horror outing, the discovery of a werewolf skeleton in Arizona causes trouble for a science writer after he is accidentally cut by the creature's skull. The incident happened during a fight in a laboratory, and soon afterward he finds himself turning into a murderous monster. ~ Sandra Brennan, Rovi


text:
SanDisk to Allow Network Operators MicroSD Card Customization
Feb 16, 2009, 2:09 AM by Eric M. Zeman @phonescooper
Today SanDisk announced a new initiative that is aimed at allowing mobile network operators to deliver and control content via microSD cards. The SanDisk Service Delivery Card (SDC) will allow carriers to offer custom branded service discovery experience while also giving them a physical delivery mechanism to get operator-branded services onto a multitude of different handsets. It will also give operators a network-aware memory solution binds data to the network that can be used to launch and install applications on the handset. The solution will be able to supports cards ranging from 1GB to 16GB.
No messages


text:
But 'keyword domains' are less important according to a comprehensive analysis of factors that correlate with ranking highly in Google US searches in 2013
New York, June 25th, 2013 - Web pages that rank higher in Google searches tend to have more Google+ plus ones and Facebook shares. While having a relevant keyword in the web site domain name or web address now seems less closely linked with high rankings according to new research. And while pages with higher quality content rank better, top brand web pages apparently continue to automatically rank in top positions without obeying the same rules as other sites.
The findings come from the US Google Ranking Factors – Rank Correlation 2013 study by search and social analytics company, Searchmetrics, which aims to identify the key factors that help web pages rank well today in Google searches. A follow up to the company's similar US Ranking Factors study conducted in 2012, the new study analyzes search results from Google.com for 10,000 popular-keywords and 300,000 websites appearing in the top 30 search results and picks out the issues that correlate[1] with a high Google ranking.
Six key findings from the study are:
1) Google plus ones correlate more with Google rankings than other social signals
Social signals such as Facebook likes and shares, Twitter tweets and Google plus ones all correlate closely with Google rankings. But Searchmetrics' analysis found that Google plus ones correlate more strongly (a correlation coefficient of +0.4) than any other social media signals. Facebook shares were the second most closely linked social signal with rankings - a correlation of +0.34. Tweets on Twitter and Pins on Pinterest have lower correlations of +0.28 and 0.29 respectively.
"The pages in top positions in the search results stand out with a very high mass of social signals," explained Marcus Tober, Searchmetrics' founder and CTO. "Of course there's a lot of debate about whether social signals directly influence rankings or are just closely correlated with rankings - because highly ranked pages will get more traffic and so attract more shares, likes, plus ones etc."
"At Searchmetrics we've done a number of studies – that we plan to publish in coming months – which indicate that social signals do in fact have an influence on rankings."
2) Quality content is important for search rankings
Search experts believe the quality of content on web pages is an important ranking factor because Google is keen to raise the rankings of pages with good, useful information and Searchmetrics' analysis seems to support this. Pages with more text and more images are positively correlated with Google rankings (correlation +.11 and +0.08 respectively) indicating that higher ranking pages have more text and more images.
"If we assume that the existence of more text and images is an indicator of quality, then quality content is linked to higher rankings according to our study," said Tober. "But we actually found that this relationship exists up to a limit of around 10,000 characters – after this the correlation tended to decrease. So you can't just go on adding text in the hope it will continue to drive a more positive rankings boost."
3) Keyword domains and keyword links have lost relevance
Search experts have long believed that sites that have a keyword in the domain name, such as carinsurance.com or paydayloan.com, tend to rank higher for relevant searches, but Searchmetrics's study indicates this is now declining in importance.
The study found that having a keyword in the domain name has only a low positive correlation (+0.03) down from 0.11 in 2012. While having a keyword in the URL or web page address has declined from a correlation of +0.04 in 2012 to an even lower 0.01 in 2013.
"Only a year ago, factors such as keywords in domains and URLs were correlated more positively with better rankings," explained Tober. "So our 2013 analysis indicates that Google's "Exact Match Domain" (EMD) update to tackle the issue - as well as the Penguin algorithm updates - seem to have done a good job."
4) The number of backlinks remains immensely important
As in Searchmetrics' 2012 study, the 2013 data shows that the number of backlinks (links to a web page from other sites) remains very closely connected to how the page ranks. In fact the number of backlinks for pages that rank in top positions has increased, even if the correlation has declined slightly from +0.36 in 2012 to +0.34 in 2013 (this slight decline in correlation is because all the pages ranking in the top 30 positions feature more backlinks on average than last year).
"Pages with more links rank even better," Tober summarizes. "However, it's not just the quantity that matters, but more and more the quality. The more natural the link profile, the greater the prospect of a positive ranking."
To get the most benefit, a site needs to have a spread of links that looks natural - not artificially created by SEO experts.
This means a site should not simply have a large number of perfectly optimized links that include keywords it wants to rank for in the anchor text. In line with this, having a proportion of 'no follow' links (links which do not convey ranking benefits) and links that contain neutral 'stopwords' (such as 'in', "and", 'to') in the anchor text – as well as links that are just generic (like "there", "here", "page") – have increased in importance according Searchmetrics' analysis.
A related finding is that backlinks which contain target keywords in the anchor text, a factor normally considered important by SEO experts, has decreased in importance with a correlation of +0.06 in 2013 (down from +0.10 in 2012).
"The SEO visibility of the web page a backlink comes from is also very important now," said Tober. "SEO visibility is our measure of how visible a site is within Google searches. So what we mean here is that if a site gets backlinks from highly visible, high ranking pages such as respected national news sites, then they seem to be more valuable – having more of this type of link is closely correlated with high rankings."
5) Brands are the exception to many rules
Brands seem to automatically rank higher in Google searches. And the analysis reveals that some features that correlate with high ranking pages, mostly 'on-page'[2] factors, do not apply to pages from top brands in the same way as they do for non-brand web pages.
"Brands rank high even if they fail to fulfill some of the most basic principles of SEO," said Tober. "For example pages from brands are positioned in or near the top of search results even if they have less text on the page and they don't have keywords in the title."
Searchmetrics collated the data for its study in March and then again in June 2013 to ensure it takes account of the impact of Google's latest Penguin 2.0 algorithm update.
"Our study provides an up to date snapshot of the factors that correlate with rankings on Google US," explained Tober.
He added, however, that while the study highlighted those factors that correlate closely with a high Google ranking, it is not possible to say that these factors definitively cause or influence the rankings:
"We can say that, on average, more well-positioned pages exhibited these features and more poorly placed pages did not. But as I've said before, only Google knows what influences rankings for sure - as only Google controls how the search algorithm actually behaves."
Tober also pointed out that SEOs analyzing the data should be careful about making hasty interpretations from the ranking factor coefficient numbers. Certain factors tended to have a low correlation because they are present on nearly all pages that appear in the top 30 search results (resulting in a low Spearman correlation coefficient).
"These factors tended to be very basic on-page factors such as the existence of H1 headings, a keyword in the meta description and sitespeed. They are almost ever-present and should not be disregarded by SEO teams. You can find out more about this issue by reading our in-depth report about the 2013 ranking factors."
The detailed report which outlines the results from Searchmetrics US Ranking Factors - Rank Correlation 2013 study can be downloaded here: http://www.searchmetrics.com/en/services/ranking-factors-2013/download/. And an infographic highlighting the key findings can be found here: http://www.searchmetrics.com/en/services/ranking-factors-2013/download/.
[1] Correlations were calculated using Spearman's rank correlation coefficient. A coefficient score of +1 implies a perfect positive correlation and a score of -1 implies a perfect negative correlation. In Searchmetrics' analysis a high positive correlation coefficient occurs for a factor if higher ranking pages have that feature / or more of that feature, while lower ranking pages do not / or have less of that feature.
[2] On-page factors are those factors that the webmaster, publisher or their SEO team/agency can control directly, such as the text length, page titles, URL features and headings on web pages.
About the Searchmetrics US Ranking Factors - Rank Correlation 2013 study
The study analysed Google US (Google.com) search results for 10,000 keywords and 300,000 web sites, featuring in the top 30 positions, as well as billions of backlinks, Tweets, Google plus ones, Tweets, Pins and Facebook likes, shares and comments. The data was collected in March 2013 and again in June 2013 to take account of Google's recent Penguin 2.0 algorithm update. The correlations between different factors and the Google search results were calculated using Spearman's rank correlation coefficient.
About Searchmetrics
Searchmetrics is the pioneer and world's leading provider of search and social analysis software for companies and online agencies. Searchmetrics has a unique server infrastructure and software solution – its Searchmetrics Suite™ – which its clients and partners continually use to aggregate and analyze very large volumes of data on the rankings of websites, keywords in searches and competitor groups. Searchmetrics Suite™ gives users unique insight into the visibility of websites on search engines in 124 different countries and on the largest social media portals. This information plays a decisive role, especially in inbound marketing, where having excellent visibility on search engines is essential for companies to reach potential customers on the Internet.
In addition to the Suite, with its Essentials product Searchmetrics offers a tool set for a quick start in search engine and social network optimization and real-time analysis in Germany, Austria and Switzerland, as well as high-end SEO consulting services. The company has branches in Berlin, London, Paris and New York and operates its SaaS solution through a network of partners and its online shop. The fast-growing company, based in Berlin and currently employing more than 100 staff, is part-owned by the renowned venture capitalist companies Neuhaus Partners and Iris Capital. Many renowned clients, such as T-Online, eBay, Siemens, TUI and Kaspersky rely on Searchmetrics to ensure that they have excellent search engine rankings.


text:
Happy Saturday, all!
If there's one thing about blogging that I love, it's taking pics on a gorgeous Saturday. Today I've ventured outdoors to bring you all Orly Lucky Duck.
I've topped it here with China Glaze Luxe and Lush, a topcoat I have truly adore. A green and a shredded glitter topcoat? Yep, love this.
Whilst photographing, I realized you guys had never seen my wrist tattoo.
This tattoo is less than a year old. I'd considered a wrist tattoo for a long time, but was always too chicken on account of my fairly corporate work environment. At last, my workplace issued a policy on tattoos, and it mentioned that they were okay, so long as the tattoo wasn't vulgar and reasonable effort was made to cover it. I figured a wrist tattoo was easily covered by a cuff bracelet (which I love anyway), so I went for it. The design is a twist on a vintage Corelle/Pyrex pattern called Crazy Daisy/Spring Blossom that I grew up eating off of at my grandmother's house. I inherited her kitchenware when she passed, and I continue to collect it. In short, it's a design that means a lot to me, and which I'd considered getting tattooed for years. It's my second piece of ink.
THEN, the day was so pretty that my dog and my outdoors kitty were really enjoying themselves and were happy to see me. I took this fun little pic to show how well they get along.
Foxy loves her little playmate and Zaz really looks up to her gigantic friend.
I hope that everyone is having a lovely weekend, as I certainly am!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
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text:
(Hot Off The Tree) An Internet-based electronic magazine edited by David Scott Lewis
hott was so afraid that he neither ate nor drank; and every moment he thought he would be smitten.
He goes out to fight with the monster by night, accompanied only by hott.
The colour of her cheekes was just that of the damaske rose, which is neither too hott nor too pale.
Bjarki then compels the terrified coward hott to drink the monster's blood.
After that Bothvar turned to hott, and they fought a long time.
hott forthwith becomes a valiant champion, second only to Bjarki himself.
Then Bothvar went to the place which he had taken before, and led hott with him, and set hott by his side.
hott said, "I am making a shield-wall for myself, good fellow."
Your retainers call me hott's protector, but my name is Bothvar.
hott said, weeping, "Wilt thou be the death of me, good fellow?"


text: Why We Care About Video Game CharactersPatricia Hernandez2/28/14 3:30pmFiled to: Watch ThisNPCs685EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalink Just because they're fictional characters doesn't mean we can't care about them—obviously, everyone knows that. But there are reasons that that's true, you know! Scientific reasons, even.AdvertisementPBS Game/Show explains why we sometimes deeply care about game characters here, and then even lists some of their favorite non-playable characters in games. Makes me curious—what are some of your favorite NPCs? Why do you like them so much? My top two would have to be Morrigan from Dragon Age (she is a strong, complicated character with an agenda of her own) and basically the entire cast of Persona 4 (WAAAAH WE ATE WATERMELON TOGETHER AND SAVED THE WORLD WITH FRIENDSHIP). AdvertisementWhat about you?Who Are the 10 Best NPCs of All Time? | Game/Show | PBS Digital Studios [PBS Game/Show]Reply68 repliesLeave a reply


text:
Terrance S. Hazelwood, 21, of 229 Mock Avenue in Lebanon was indicted for second-degree burglary.
According to the indictment, on or about Oct. 1, Hazelwood entered or remained unlawfully in a dwelling (Bruce Higdon residence) with intent to commit a crime or he aided, abetted or counseled with another in said act.
In a second indictment, Hazelwood was indicted for attempted second-degree burglary. According to that indictment, on or about Oct. 9, Hazelwood attempted to enter or remain unlawfully in a dwelling (James A. Brady residence) with intent to commit a crime.
If you currently subscribe or have subscribed in the past to the Lebanon Enterprise, then simply find your account number on your mailing label and enter it below.
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text:
Bonnie C. Lackey 1/30/2004 5:16:11 AM
Remarkable especially for handheld. Great job! #92606Sharon D. Waters 1/30/2004 5:20:43 AM
Awesome!!!!! #353763Melissa B. Helms 1/30/2004 5:21:46 AM
this is incredible. the color and detail are wonderful. great job! #353767Kenneth C. Gauvin 1/30/2004 5:22:27 AM
great close up..but yet really gross I hate there eyes ...gives me the creeps #353768Kasia Elser 1/30/2004 5:29:57 AM
Great detail! #353772Cathy Barrows 1/30/2004 5:45:04 AM
fabulous close-up...great detail #353819Rob Friedman 1/30/2004 6:19:34 AM
Wow--I didn't even realize their eyes looked like that! Great job. #353899Kathleen Clemons 1/30/2004 6:36:49 AM
An incredible macro! Well done! #353917Leanne M.E. Boyd 1/30/2004 9:48:17 AM
Fantastic!!!! The detail is incredable! #354203Lisa D. Greer 1/30/2004 12:25:34 PM
Woah!!! This has got to be the coolest picture of a butterfly I have ever seen. Amazing!!! #354429Al G. Juniarsam 1/30/2004 3:41:01 PM
Thank you for comments. I really do appreciate. :) #354624Susan T. Evans 1/30/2004 11:30:19 PM
AWESOME! #354920Linda Murphy 2/15/2004 12:20:50 PM
Wow, this is GREAT! Congrats! #377736Arthur Rosch 2/15/2004 12:31:17 PM
Handheld! Are you kidding? Did youBeautiful.
Art #377778
Leanne M.E. Boyd 2/15/2004 1:54:19 PM
Congratulations Al! #378374Al G. Juniarsam 2/16/2004 5:56:24 PM
Thanks Guys! I do really appreacite... #382088Kathleen N. Nelson 2/17/2004 2:24:36 AM
Incredible shot, Al. Congratulations. #382477Carolyn M. Fletcher 2/17/2004 3:25:42 AM
Congrats, Al..Incredible shot! #382516Judith G. Secco 2/17/2004 5:26:12 AM
Congratulations on this wonderful macro. Great shot.Ronald Balthazor 2/17/2004 5:56:50 AM
Congratulations! Amazing Shot, Al. #382822Robin L. Wehrman 2/17/2004 6:05:55 AM
Congratulations on your win, great image good job Al! #382846Jean Papo 2/17/2004 8:24:07 AM
Congratulations, on your well deserved win - incredible shot!!! #383160Al G. Juniarsam 2/17/2004 8:47:09 AM
Thank you for your lovely comments guys... I do really appreciate...Best Regards,
Susana Matos 2/17/2004 12:03:23 PM
Congratulations, great photo!Evy Johansen 2/17/2004 9:20:18 PM
Many congratulations on your win, Al! #384144Pat Gamwell 5/21/2006 4:58:45 PM
I must really be losing it...here's ANOTHER one I missed! Again, CONGRATS on a fantastic shot, my friend! #27943691/60 @ f2, macro mode, close up +2, handheld
Uploaded on 1/30/2004 5:11:36 AM
Copyright for this gallery photo belongs solely to Al G. Juniarsam. Images may not be copied, downloaded, or used in any way without the expressed, written permission of the photographer.
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text:
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write in the ADVENTURE genre (05/24/07)
TITLE: Lander�s Landing
By Shari Armstrong
05/31/07 -
"Want another one, hon?"
The waitress stood close to him. He could smell the mix of her perfume and drinks that had been spilt on her. He glanced at the empty cup. "Nah. If I drink any more coffee, I'll never sleep tonight."
"Could put a shot of whiskey in it?"
"You know I don't touch the stuff. I only come here 'cause you have the best food in town. That and your smile. What do I owe you?"
She smiled. "It's on the house tonight. Tips were good."
"Thanks." He tossed a few bucks on the table when she wasn't looking and slipped out the back. He pulled his collar up against the chilled night air and began to walk home.
He rounded the final corner, and heard a scream. Chills ran down his spine that weren't from the night air. He followed the voice, jogging down the street.
He peered around the corner, seeing two shadows standing near another shadow huddled on the ground. Putting his hand in his pocket, he poked it forward. It worked in the old movies, it was worth a try. "Step away from her!"
"Heh! Getta load o' th' hero."
"What do ya say, Walt? Think you can take 'im?"
The one shadow made his way toward Lander. Before his features were clear, the world went dark.
He awoke, with an ache in his head and a dry mouth, reminiscent of his misspent youth. Trying to move, he felt ropes cutting into his wrists. He could hear someone else breathing behind him. Probably the woman he failed to rescue. So much for being a modern knight in a drab trench coat.
"Lady? Are you a'right?"
"No thanks to you."
"Well, ain't that gratitude for ya? See if I try to save you next time." He could feel bile rising, but it wasn't from her attitude. The floor moved under him. He swallowed to keep from throwing up.
"I guess I don't deal well with being mugged then kidnapped." She sighed. "Guess it could have been worse."
"So where are we?" Lander tried to find enough saliva to wash away the bitter taste in his mouth.
"I'm not sure. They through a bag over my head after they clocked you. I heard loud birds when I woke up."
"Do you know what kind of birds? Maybe we could figure out where we are." He really had to stop watching those old movies.
"They were loud and annoying."
The floor tipped again and he heard water. "I'm going to take a stab at this. I think they may have been gulls. I think we're on a boat."
The door opened and one of their captors came in with a tray. "Thought you two love birds could use somethin' to eat." He set it on a table and untied Lander's wrists and he turned to finally see his companion. She was slim, but athletic with long blonde hair… like her.
"It's about time you brought us something."
Any similarities to her ended there. This woman had the personality of a badger.
"We'll make land in a few hours. Captain will decide what to do with you both then." He left, locking the door behind him.
"So…" Lander looked at her. "I'm Lander. And you are?"
"Ready to get out of here."
"Me, too." He gave up making small talk and ate his meal of bread, cheese and water in silence.
The door opened again a few hours later. Two men came in, binding their hands behind their backs. They were shoved roughly out onto the deck of the ship.
A modern day pirate stood before them, eye patch and all. "Well, we've made land, and we're going to dump you here. There is quite a bit of… traffic through here. We've made quite a profit off them. You'll be rescued soon. We'll even leave you some food water."
One of the crew lowered her into a boat.
Lander looked at her, looked back at the captain. "Take me with you, please!"
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text:
Mike C Sullivan Jr
Main Address:
Charles River Country Club
483 Dedham St
Newton Centre, MA 02459-2905
(617) 527-8300
483 Dedham St
Newton Centre, MA 02459-2905
(617) 527-8300
Michael Sullivan is a PGA Professional in Newton Centre, MA. The PGA of America comprises 27,000 men and women professionals with one singular goal in mind - to make the game of golf more enjoyable for you.
Services Offered:
- Instruction
- Club Fitting
- Play Golf of America Participant
Welcome to Golf Month
Professional has not entered award information.


text:
Straw is a desktop news aggregator for the GNOME environment. Its aim is to be a faster, easier and more accessible way to read news and blogs than the traditional browser.
Related Projects
License | Verified by | Verified on | Notes |
GPLv2orlater | Christiano Anderson | 29 November 2003 |
Leaders and contributors
Contact(s) | Role |
Juri Pakaste | Maintainer |
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Bug Tracking,Developer,Support | mailto:email@example.com |
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This entry (in part or in whole) was last reviewed on 11 January 2017.
Permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify this document under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.3 or any later version published by the Free Software Foundation; with no Invariant Sections, no Front-Cover Texts, and no Back-Cover Texts. A copy of the license is included in the page "GNU Free Documentation License".
The copyright and license notices on this page only apply to the text on this page. Any software or copyright-licenses or other similar notices described in this text has its own copyright notice and license, which can usually be found in the distribution or license text itself.


text:
Golden Anniversary
The rush for treasure in the West is more than part of a picturesque past; it has profoundly shaped our present
February/March 1998 | Volume 49, Issue 1
On January 24, 1848, one hundred and fifty years ago this month, a man named James Marshall was inspecting a millrace that he had just constructed on the American River, not far from Sacramento, California. He had turned the water into it the night before to clear the debris, and now something "about half the size and the shape of a pea" glinting in the water caught his eye. "It made my heart thump," he remembered later, "for I was certain it was gold." To his workmen he said, "Boys, by God, I believe I have found a gold mine."
He had indeed.
It is an oddity of the American past that one of the most significant events in the nation's history, the California gold strike, should have taken place in a foreign country. But it was not until February 2, 1848, that negotiations to end the Mexican War resulted in the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. And it was March 10 before the treaty was ratified and the Stars and Stripes rose over the Southwest in exchange for fifteen million dollars. Had Marshall made his discovery only a few weeks earlier, the histories of both countries might have been very different.
Needless to say, the attempt by James Marshall and his employer, John Sutter, to keep the gold find secret was doomed to nearly instant failure. Indeed, Sutler, the owner of fifty thousand acres in the Coloma Valley, was ruined by the onrush of gold miners, and both men would die broke.
The irresistible allure of gold is not hard to grasp. It not only was worth $20.66 an ounce at that time (a very good week's wage) but could be mined by people without major capital.
Unlike most metals, gold is chemically inert, only very rarely combining with other elements to form molecules. Therefore it is usually found in nature in its pure form, although often as "dust" or small flakes. But another characteristic of gold, its very high density, makes it relatively easy to separate the small particles from other minerals. Density is measured in grams per cubic centimeter. By definition, one cubic centimeter of water weighs one gram. Quartz has a density of about 2.6 grams per cc; iron's density is a littie less than 8. Gold's is more than 19. In other words a gold nugget equal in volume to a mere cubic inch weighs well over half a pound.
This very high density meant that as gold eroded out of the hills and was carried downstream, it settled out of the moving water before anything else. Thus it was concentrated wherever the water slowed down, in an eddy or on the inner side of a bend in the stream. Swirling the gravel found in such places in a broad, shallow pan was enough to find significant gold in rich deposits.
In the early days of the gold rush it was not uncommon for a man to pan ten or more ounces a day out of a good stream, with always the hope of finding a large nugget. So while panning for gold was very hard work, it was possible to earn more in a week than the average worker could earn in a year, with the possibility always present that one might find a fortune.
So it is hardly surprising that when news of the gold strike spread, the effect was electric. San Francisco, with a population then of less than a thousand, was nearly emptied, and its harbor became choked with shipping as sailors headed for the goldfields, stranding their vessels. An entire platoon of soldiers deserted from a local fort. As one soldier explained, "The struggle between right and six dollars a month and wrong and seventy-five dollars a day is rather a severe one." Men poured in from Oregon, Hawaii, and South America. But it was from the East Coast that the main army of gold seekers would come, although it took nearly a year for the news to reach there. That's why San Francisco's football team is not called the 48ers.
It is hard for us to imagine today just how remote California was 150 years ago. The sea passage around the Horn could take more than six months and was expensive. But it was also the most comfortable and safe (at least if the weather at the Horn cooperated). The shortcut over the Isthmus of Panama reduced the sailing time to only six weeks, but people could wait for months for a ship in the fever-ridden pesthole that was Panama City. The overland journey across plains, mountains, and desert was the quickest but often the most perilous. So it was only in the late summer of 1848 that the first rumors reached the East Coast, and only on December 5, almost three months after James Marshall saw that first yellow gleam, that official news was released. That day President James K. Polk, the man most responsible for making California U.S. territory, sent Congress a message declaring the gold strike authentic. He sent along a guaranteed-to-get-your-attention piece of proof, a twenty-pound gold nugget. Only the size of a large fist, it was then worth about forty-eight hundred dollars, enough for a large family to live in comfort on for two years or more.
The result was mass hysteria. Ninety thousand people set off for California in 1849 and as many again in 1850. By the time the rush petered out a few years later, California had been transformed. Before the rush, except for a few small towns along the coast, it had been a nearly uninhabited wilderness. But only two years and three months after California became U.S. territory, it was admitted to the Union.