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Police Brutality in Black And White
These questions fascinate me, but I have been unable to find clear data that addresses them. The referenced article, by BlackNews.com writer Earl Ofari Hutchenson, indicates that black officers appear just as likely to as white officers to employ excessive force. Another article by him echoes this theme. In both articles recognizes that because blacks disproportionately commit more "street crimes" than white, you would expect non-racist officers to have a higher rate of violent confrontations with black members of the public. However, Hutcheson also describes cognition of this fact as an example of "prejudice", though he supposes that it equally affects both white and black officers.
But even Hutchenson's essay lacks statistical weight, and does not address the questions about white members of the public experiencing brutality, and the rates of brutality they experience from black vs. white officers.
This hefty .pdf document from the US Dept of Justice provides many data, and some touch on these questions, though none fully or satisfyingly address them head on or completely. We learn here that black and white motorists get pulled over about equally, though men much more often than women. We learn that black and white cops are equally likely to pull over black and white motorists, but that black cops are harsher than white cops on both black and white motorists! Black cops are more likely than white cops to issue tickets to black and white motorists. Where black officers are a little less likely to arrest black motorists than are white cops, white cops are twice as likely to arrest white motorists as are black cops! Where white cops are twice as likely to arrest a black motorist as they are to arrest a white motorist, black cops are THREE TIMES as likely to arrest a black motorist as they are to arrest a white motorist! And black and white motorists are about as likely to believe that white cops and black cops have pulled them over for legitimate reasons.
We learn that white motorists are more likely to consent to a search, and that searches of black motorists are twice as likely to "produce evidence" as searches of white motorists. The stats also show that whites report forceful police interactions 0.7% of the time that they interact with cops, where blacks report this at a rate about three times greater. Unfortunately we don't have these stats broken down by "race" of the cop. And men even more so report forceful interactions than women. Are cops gender-discriminating against men? Are men more violently resistant than women? Or both?
9 comments:
- uptownseteve said...
Here's some data. Just for LA over a two year period.
No white folks killed though.
- Paul Hue said...
Is this a list of all the people killed by police during this time? If so, and all are black, then that constitutes compelling data that cops of any "race" only kill black folks.
However, the title of the article includes the phrase, "Police Murders", which suggests to me the possibility that the authors of the article have cherry picked from a larger list of police killings, and labeled as "murder" only those involving a black victim.
- uptownseteve said...
Blacks pulled over far more often than whites.
- Paul Hue said...
What we need here, Steve, are statistics of all people killed by cops, listed by "race", and the "race" of the cop who killed them.
- uptownseteve said...
Paul, there is no way that 4 black cops would have opened fire on an unarmed, innocent man standing in his vestibule as those 4 white cops did to Amadou Diallo.
Everytime there is a cold-blooded police murder of an innocent citizen it is a white cop and a black individual.
I challenge you to produce an example otherwise.
- Paul Hue said...
So you are saying that although black people on average have nothing that they do worse than whites EVER, when it comes to cop killings, whites on average are much worse than blacks.
If the statistics show that white cops are worse than black cops, that cops only kill blacks and never whites, then I will accept that when it comes to police conduct, blacks today in the US are out-performing whites. But failure of press accounts of any cops killing whites means one of two things:
1. Cops never kill white robbers, burgles, murders, rapists, etc, and never kill innocent white civilians.
2. When cops kill white civilians, the press does not white articles that identify the "race" of the civilian.
Which is it? I don't know. You are certain of the answer. I await evidence, and will accept whatever it is. I am open to the possibility that when it comes to police conduct, blacks are doing a much, much better job than whites.
- Paul Hue said...
OK, your data show that in NYC black are getting stopped 6 times more often than whites. I don't dispute that. Now we have to compare that data to other data to determine if this represents white or black cops behaving racistly, giving white criminals free reign and innocent black citizens unwarranted hassles.
You are absolutely 100% certain of the answer to that question. Actually, you have no question.
This same article says that blacks comprise 25% of NYC's population, but account for 50% all stopped people. (Not sure how this agrees with stopping blacks six time more than whites.) Are blacks committing double their fraction of the street crimes in NYC? If so, we should expect that non-racist cops would stop at about this rate.
That is why we need more data, such as arrests-per-stop, stops-per-similar circumstances. For example, stoppage rates in neighborhoods of similar crime rates.
The reason that I am unsure is that I know many affluent blacks, and they rarely ever get stopped or arrested in the honkey suburbs of Detroit, or in Detroit proper. But if data show that the US is a cruel police state where blacks of all walks of life frequently get stopped by honkey cops who brutalize them while they are unarmed and committing no crime, then I will accept that data and the obvious conclusion, and oppose it.
In the meantime, it seems to me that the young black men that I mentor have an approximately 100% likelihood of avoiding police brutality, unjust stoppage, and arrest, and it has nothing to do with massive overhauls of US police departments: make smart choices in life.
- uptownseteve said...
Bad encounters with cops have little to do with smart choices and more t do with being male and black.
What bad choices did Amadou Diallo make?
I've been unjustifiably stopped by cops as has most black men I know at some point in their lives.
I know you don't want to believe it Hue.
But I've lived it.
- Paul Hue said...
Diallo made no poor choices, and neither did you when you were unjustifiably stopped. The open question: Do white guys ever get unjustifiably stopped by cops? Do they ever get unjustifiably killed by cops? And if so, how do their rates compare to the rates of blacks?
I have been stopped without committing a crime by both black and white cops when I was driving solo late at night in "certain neighborhoods". Why? The cops -- sometimes white, sometimes black -- have sometimes frankly told me that usually when young white men are driving in these areas they tend to be purchasing drugs or hookers. The cops in all these cases looked around for drugs, and sometimes asked permission to perform a search.
I assume that their STEREOTYPE of white guys driving in these areas is accurate; cops pulling over white guys in those areas at night have a high likelihood of finding drugs. If you understand what STEREOTYPING is, you understand that proper use does not entail 100% accuracy.
I have in various other cases had negative experiences with cops.
I assume that groups of white guys listening to loud music in their cars get pulled over in subburbs by cops who assume that they have a pretty good chance of getting a DWI or some drug action. I do not know that this is the case, but it seems reasonable to me.
I seek data before reaching a conclusion. The fact that some black guys get unjustifiably stopped or killed by cops does not conclusively prove that this only happens to black guys, or more often to black guys.


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Memopad with folders, searching, encryption
Thank you for downloading ScrapBook from our download portal.
Current files are located on the following IPs: 126.96.36.199184.108.40.206
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encryption, folders, keyword, note, memo, text, pad, search, string, nested, memopad, editor, Palm
Slow-Cooked Software, LLC (the author) grants permission to interested parties to distribute the shareware program "ScrapBook" with the following provisions:
1) The import and export control regulations of the United States and any other applicable countries or territories must not be violated.
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subset: commoncrawl


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Monty is an award winning magician and currently holds three Guinness World Records in Magic.
Contact Us
Vanishing Glass
A glass is covered by a large silk or a piece of cloth. It is picked up by it's rim, still covered, and thrown into the air. The cloth floats to the ground, but the glass has vanished.
All you need for this effect is a piece of stiff wire, curved in a circle the approximate diameter of the glass. Before you begin lay the wire ring on the table with three small pieces of clear sticky tape under it, face up at three points around the rim. Make sure it cannot be seen from the audience.
You can allow the glass and the cloth to be examined at this point. Shake out the cloth and spread it on the table with the center over the ring. As you lift the glass to show it to the audience, or take a drink, if it's full, press down with your other hand to stick the ring to the under side of the cloth. Pick up the cloth, with the ring now attached, and carefully spread it over the top of the glass so that the wire rests on top of the rim. Now you can pick up the ring and the glass together. As you pull the cloth toward you, let the glass drop out into any hidden spot that the audience cannot see. Be sure to have a safe, quiet place for it to land before you let go. A box lined with foam rubber below the edge of your magic table will do.
The audience will still believe the glass is under the cloth because the wire ring holds the shape. Hold the cloth up high and walk forward away where the glass lies hidden. With a sweeping gesture throw the cloth high up in the air. The glass will appear to have vanished as the cloth floats gently back to the ground.
Product Specifications:
Free Trick
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I remember ever since I was old enough to ride my bike across town to the public library, I'd spend the day in the children's section reading books and then loading up my backpack for the ride home. Along with a love for children's literature was my imaginative play with many of the kids in the neighborhood who were younger than me and setting up a pretend school, role playing as the teacher. All my childhood loves and passions were centered around children and as I became an adult, I choose elementary education as a career, and now as a children's author while having the opportunity to work with children as a nanny. I am an advocate for children, often lending them a voice when needed. I dedicated half of my life in teaching and in being a literacy coach, digging deep to reach the hearts and minds in developing lifelong learners. Their childlike enthusiasm for life, and ability to express love through their innocent nature gives me a motivation to enrich their lives to the fullest of my ability with nurturing guidance through the use of best personalized educational practices while honoring the parent/child relationship in my role as a nanny.
Jane nanny Gender:Female Age:55 Preferred Wage ($/Wk): 700 - 800+ Ref ID:690225
|2 years Nanny
|Drivers License
|Can care for
|Early Morning (6a-9a)
|Late Morning (9a-12p)
|Early Afternoon (12p-3p)
|Late Afternoon (3p-6p)
|Early Evening (6p-9p)
|Late Evening (9-12)
|Overnight (12a-6a)
Position Duration:Permanent / Full-time
Would prefer to:Live-out Preferred States:NY
My past childcare experience: As an elementary school teacher and literacy coach, I spent many happy years fostering a love of reading. My primary focus was on childrens literature and the ways in which children learn through their encounters with books. While teaching writing, I found my own voice as a writer, and began to write my own stories, often drawing on my experience in the classroom, my knowledge of young readers, and my lessons on narrative. I specialize in children's stories, poetry, and short prose. After nearly twenty-two years in education, I made a long-awaited career transition into publishing. The opportunity to assist an emerging author in publishing her first book was tremendously formative and exhilarating, as I learned all the facets of the industry from editing to publicity, marketing, and production. In particular, I developed a strong command of line editing, website and social media management, and public relations. When the book was published, I knew I had found my second calling as a writer. In addition to my writing career, I serve families in New York City as a nanny and personal assistant, drawing on my extensive educational experience in caring for young children, supporting their development, managing household tasks, and promoting strong family relationships.


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Tenor Anthony Kearns will sing "God Bless America" as the guest of current NFC East Division leaders, the Washington Redskins, on Monday Night Football, December 7, 2015 as they host the Dallas Cowboys at FedExField in Landover, MD.
Mr. Kearns, who has performed in the world's most prestigious venues from Carnegie Hall to the Hollywood Bowl, said he is "thrilled to be performing for Redskins fans once again," especially when the Reskins play their historic rivals, the Dallas Cowboys.
Kearns previously performed at FedExField in 2012, singing "The Star-Spangled Banner," before kick-off at the Redskins v. Atlanta Falcons game.
In 1999, Kearns took the American television audience by storm as a member of the wildly-popular musical group, The Irish Tenors, with whom he has 10 CDs and five PBS specials. Their CDs have gone Gold, Platinum and Double Platinum.
Kearns has become well-known in the Washington, D.C. area as a solo artist. He has had the honor to sing for three U.S. Presidents, the Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, Supreme Court Justices, and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, among others.
In 2014, he sang at the National Memorial Day Concert at the U.S. Capitol broadcast live on PBS. Last year he and the Tenors had two sold-out shows at The Strathmore. In May 2016, he will headline a concert at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.
Most recently, Kearns performed at the pre-Mass concert for Pope Francis in Philadelphia, PA on September 27, 2015. Also he was a featured performer in an ABC/ Disney special production of the 2015 BMO Harris Bank Magnificent Mile Lights Festival in Chicago. The program is scheduled to air in 93% of the U.S. television market in December. (Check listings)
"Anthony Kearns and his music are a part of the holiday tradition for millions of Americans. It's wonderful that the Washington Redskins have invited him back to FedExField to share his powerful and moving rendition of 'God Bless America' during one of the most exciting NFL match-ups of the year," said Kearns' publicist Kirsten Fedewa.
Mr. Kearns' participation in the game is being supported by Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center in National Harbor, MD, host of the annual winter walk-through spectacular, ICE!, with a new theme this year featuring "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town."
ICE! is a nine-degree, colorful ice sculpture attraction filled with 16 different scenes that re-tell the holiday TV special. Thirty-five artisans from Harbin, China hand-carve more than two million pounds of ice to create the attraction.


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"I really love this rug but my daughter more! She is playing on it all day long. To piece the components together was very exciting. I felt like my childhood when I built Lego blocks. I offer these rugs to everyone who wants to feel again child! " by ORSI
This timelaps and nice picture are from ARPI.
"This altered Star Destroyer rug by caraWonga is the centerpiece in my room. By adding three different colored modules to the design, I created a subtle shift in the look of the carpet, one of caraWonga's biggest. It took a long time to put it together, but it was totally worth it. If you have lot's of floor to fill, this is the best choice!" by PETER


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ShockTillYouDrop.com has a first look at the limited edition collectible comic art book for The Darkest Hour which is available in hard cover, digital download and as a motion comic today.
The hard cover will be available as a handout to attendees at New York Comic Con this weekend. It will also be available for mobile devices via comiXology. The digital motion comic, meanwhile, can be found at DarkestHourMovie.com.
The events in the comic are captured in epic detail as the last remnants of humanity struggle for survival in a world that is no longer their own.
You can check out the image by clicking here.


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NuScale Test Programs
Pressurized water-cooled reactors (PWRs) have benefitted from billions of dollars of research and development and millions of hours of operating experience over the past 50 years. While this R&D provides a strong foundation for NuScale technology, what enables NuScale to truly stand out is its cutting edge testing at state-of-the-art facilities worldwide, including:
Information obtained from these tests is used to validate our thermal-hydraulic and design computer models used to predict the thermal efficiency, performance, and safety of NuScale's SMR.NIST-1 Integral Testing Facility
NuScale has designed and built an exclusive access, one-third scale, state-of-the-art, electrically-heated prototype test facility, the NuScale Integral System Test (NIST-1) facility located at Oregon State University in Corvallis, Oregon. The NIST-1 facility provides NuScale with a tremendous advantage for modular prototype testing. The one-third scale prototype replicates the entire NuScale Power Module and reactor building cooling pool. It provides an electrically heated core to bring the system up to operating temperature and pressure. Stability testing ensures that throughout the expected operating conditions, natural circulation is stable.
The facility has demonstrated the viability of NuScale Power's SMR, and provides an enhanced representation of NuScale's current reactor design. NIST includes a new data acquisition and control system and extensive instrumentation additions which will provide the measurements necessary for safety code and reactor design validation.


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Obama as an adult could have gone through the process of legally reestablishing his US citizenship but no one has seen the documents showing that he did give up Indonesian citizenship and reinstate his US citizenship.
I have read other posts on this topic that say, the US doesn't care what the law is in themother countries, you's still be a citizen if you were born here. Can you provide a citation regarding dropping your US citizenship?


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Thursday, September 27, 2012
Birthday Card
I will be teaching this technique at our Cricut/Christmas card making day next month to those interested. It's very easy, but looks hard to make...the kind I like. I used the new Love Blooms Stamp Set C1511. This stamp set is the newest base and shade type of set. Here I only used the base stamp, oh and I added a hint of Stickles to the center of each flower.
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Maine Mendoza in Bulaga's Lenten special
Prepare to see a whole new Maine Mendoza as she headlines "Prinsesa," one of the six episodes for this year's Eat Bulaga Lenten Special in which she plays Mayang, a professional pickpocket who fosters an unlikely friendship with a child who will teach her the value of family and forgiveness.
Joining her are Wally Bayola, Ryzza Mae Dizon, Anjo Yllana, and Trops stars Tommy Penaflor and Joel Palencia.
"Snatcher ako. Prinsesa ng lansangan ba kung tawagin. Tapos, hindi ko kasi nakasama yung pamilya ko dito kaya lumaki ako na ganun yung ginagawa kong trabaho," Maine said of her role.
The role is both a challenge and a privilege for Maine. Renowned for her comedic timing, the young Eat Bulaga co-host usually plays cheerful and optimistic roles—in short, characters not far from the real-life Maine.
For the Eat Bulaga Lenten Special, the actress plays a role that requires her to dig deep, acting-wise.
"Isa ito sa mga kakaibang character ko na nagawa ko, ever. Si Mayang kasi, very serious. Seryoso siyang tao. Medyo siga. So nahirapan din ako na mag-adjust sa ganung character," she said.
Maine is no stranger to acting. Despite making her mark in show business as an Eat Bulaga mainstay, the 22-year-old TV host has displayed her acting chops in projects such as the 2016 hit movie Imagine You and Me and the 2015 blockbuster hit My Bebe Love. She is also used to doing dramatic scenes thanks to her ongoing GMA primetime soap opera Destined To Be Yours.
But Maine said her role as Mayang is perhaps her most difficult — and most interesting — yet.
"Yung persona ko as Maine Mendoza, malayo sa character ko. Kasi si Mayang, galit lagi sa mundo. Meron din naman siyang sympathy sa tao, kailangan lang kunin yung kiliti sa puso. Doon lang kami nagkakapareho ni Mayang," she said.
Maine added, "Most of my roles are happy lang na babae na optimist. Alam naman ng mga tao na yan. Pabebe. Pero dito, iba ako. Parang mas kailangan dito ng acting since hindi naman ako ganun talaga as a person."
Indeed, Maine is really making her mark in show business as a versatile actress. But she is not letting the praise and the laurels (she has won a Best Supporting Actress award in the 2015 Metro Manila Film Festival) get to her head.
"Admittedly, hindi pa ako talaga adjusted sa acting life," she said. "Nahihirapan pa rin ako, kailangan ko pa rin ng tulong ng acting coach and directors. May adjustments pa rin, naiilang pa rin ako kapag umaarte. But I just let it flow. Ang ginagawa ko talaga is I focus sa work ko and sa script. I really take it seriously para maka-deliver ako ng maayos in terms of acting."
"Prinsesa," directed by Mike Tuviera and airs today and is among the stories to be featured in this year's Eat Bulaga Lenten Special. This yearly tradition has been airing during Holy Week since 1981. This year's special is perhaps its most star-studded edition yet.
Alden Richards and Ryan Agoncillo star in "Kapatid," a tale of two brothers who learn to look after each other despite their differences. Also starring Ruby Rodriguez, Pia Guanio, and Jerald Napoles, it is directed by Bb. Joyce Bernal.
In Jose Javier Reyes' "Inay," Paolo Ballesteros and Ai-Ai delas Alas play mother and son who "raise" each other by recognizing their sacrifices and accepting their differences.
Lorna Tolentino headlines "Pagpapatawad," a story of a broken family's newfound chance to reconcile and start anew by learning from the mistakes of the past to help them face the future. Gina Alajar directs the episode, which also stars Kenneth Medrano and Taki of the teen-oriented show Trops, child sensation Baste, and Patricia Tumulak.
Jake Ejercito returns to Eat Bulaga via "Mansyon," starring Jose Manalo, Tito Sotto, Barbie Forteza, and Trops' Kim Last, Miggy Tolentino, and Jon Timmons. "Mansyon," directed by Linnet Zurbano, revolves around a family who finds home in each other as they build on their dreams and try to overcome obstacles that threaten to drift them apart.
Finally, Vic Sotto and Joey de Leon star in "Kaibigan," a heart-warming tale of two friends who face circumstances that elevate their bond from friendship to family. Directed by Joel Lamangan, the episode also stars Bianca Umali and Kim Rodriguez.
"Siyempre 1980s pa sinimulan ng Eat Bulaga ito, kumbaga naging tradisyon na ng mga Pilipino na kapag Holy Week, bukod sa panata, mapapanuod mo Eat Bulaga yung mga host na makukuklit na nagda-drama. Nakakatuwa na pinapagpatuloy naming yung tradisyon ng mga Pinoy," Paolo Ballesteros said.
Eat Bulaga Lenten Special 2017 airs on until Holy Wednesday.


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Application Name: PlatformVersion Number: 2.0.1
Question:Is it not possible to register a patient without an identifier? Or at least make it optional?
I don't think it's necessary for our current workflow in the health center. Also, there already is a patient Id and a person Id anyway, and that's all I need.
At least one patient identifier is required. I would discourage you from building workflows that depend on internal ids. It's simple when you start, but becomes very fragile. Internal ids are guaranteed to be internally consistent for foreign key references; however, there is no guarantee that internal ideas remain constant. For example, when patients are merged. You will also run into problems if you ever expand to more than one server, when aligning interbal ids is impractical. That is why we lean on UUIDs for computers to share data and identifiers (medical record numbers) when humans share data.
I see. If that's the case how can I make the Identifiers auto-generated (without installing another module). Manually filling it up every time someone adds a patient isn't exactly ideal.
The idgen module is the most widely used solution and will eventually be incorporated into the platform, so I would recommend using it if you are looking for the simplest approach (e.g., the registration module us s it).
If you didn't want to use idgen, you'd need to build your business logic for patient identifiers into your application some other way (e.g., create logic to create an identifier behind the scenes without prompting for it). Even if you simply copied the internal identifier (losing the benefit of a check digit), you'd at least be protected as long as you didn't assume (in other code) that patient id and identifier always will match. We made that mistake with concept IDs and are still paying for it.


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Learn about RSS feeds News at Knox
Elias Mendes Gomes awarded the Knox College Gold Medal
Knox College awarded the Gold Medal to Elias Mendes Gomes at the college's 172nd Convocation on May 11, 2016. The Knox College Gold Medal is granted annually to the graduating student with the highest academic standing in the program. Mendes Gomes graduated with a Master of Divinity Degree (Honours) and Diploma of the College. Mendes Gomes's home congregation is Toronto Formosan Presbyterian Church.
Thirty women and men received degrees at the Convocation, including master's degrees in divinity, theological studies, religious education, and theology, and doctoral degrees in ministry.READ MORE
The Rev. Dr. Pamela McCarroll Joins the Faculty at Emmanuel College
It is with sadness that Knox College received the resignation of Professor Pamela McCarroll from her faculty position as Associate Professor of Pastoral Theology and Director of Theological Field Education. Professor McCarroll will join the Faculty at Emmanuel College as Professor of Practical Theology beginning July 1, 2016.
Professor McCarroll joined the Faculty at Knox College on July 1, 2008 and has served with distinction as a teacher and researcher. On the recommendation of the Knox College Board of Governors, the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church in Canada granted her tenure in June 2014. Professor McCarroll's commitment to her students is well recognized. Her collegial relationship with faculty colleagues and staff will be missed by the whole Knox community. We wish her well in her new position and look forward to continued association with her through our partnership with Emmanuel in the Toronto School of Theology.
Knox College will begin the search process for this faculty position later in the spring.


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Decorate the aquatic way...with colorful fish, turtles and starfish!
Our Price: $6 each
Bury your treasure (or linens or toys) in this hand painted fish trunk! Interior has been restored with plaid fabric and comes with a pine wood tray. (34" L x 20" W x 23" H)
Our Price: $300
Green and blue fish swim around the shade of this tall floor fish lamp!
Our Price: $110


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Disclaimer Information: Please confirm with seller accuracy of information. Mileage recorded at time of listing. Taxes and license are not included in listing price.
Hanson R.V. handles financing for all credit situations. Get approved today!
Shortbox, 350 Automatic, Power Steering & Brakes, Factory A/C, Tilt Steering, Tachometer, AM/FM Radio, Tonneau Cover, Rally Wheels, Lowered 3.
Let a CarProof report help you make an informed purchase decision. Enter your email below to ask the seller to send you a CarProof report.
By clicking "Send Email to Seller", you agree to our terms of use and privacy policy. Your message will be emailed to the poster and not made public.


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Product Description
His favorite things to Amsterdam on a dark blue t-shirt!
Heavy quality t-shirt
100% Cotton
It can be machine washed
Choose your size from the dropdown menu "Canals & Marijuana Beer and Amsterdam and whores" This T-shirt is 100% cotton Amsterdam heavy dark blue shirt with some of their favorite things about Amsterdam printed on the front! Five sizes are available; collected from the drop down menu to order.


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A3000 toll in badger culls
MAFF estimates fewer than 3000 badgers will be killed inculls aimed at reducing the spread of tuberculosis to cattle this year.
"This in no way represents a threat to the species whose Great Britain population is estimated at about 250,000 adult badgers," said junior farm minister Angela Browning in a written reply to a Commons question.
In the past year MAFF had invested £543,000 in Central Veterinary Laboratory work to develop better ways of diagnosing TB in cattle and badgers. Preliminary results were encouraging, she said.
It had invested another £217,000 to find a vaccine to protect badgers against TB. Work started at the CVL in April 1994 but it would take about 15 years to complete.
The ministry had also provided £370,000 in 1994/95 for ecological and epidemiological studies of a badger population infected with TB in Gloucestershire.
A further £138,000 had been invested in producing mathematical models of badger populations to help develop TB control strategies.


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Liverpool reserves boss Gary Ablett has no doubt Hungarian hotshot Krisztian Nemeth will be challenging for the first team next season.
Asked about how Liverpool landed the youngster, Ablett continued: "Towards the back end of my first season we brought Andras Simon over and he did particularly well. We discovered that MTK Hungaria were promoting a lot of young players into their first team in the Hungarian first division, so we thought it might be useful to build some kind of relationship with them.
"We ended up bringing Andras and signing Krisztian, as well as Peter Gulacsi on loan. Andras was very unlucky with injuries - he dislocated his shoulder and had another minor knee operation. But Krisztian - without his goals we would probably not be sitting here discussing such a brilliant season."


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Pompey season ticket sales are now within 600 of last year's summer tally.
More than 6,650 have been sold as Blues fans get ready for a new era at Fratton Park.
Of that number, 30 per cent accounts for 'new' season ticket holders.
Last season, around 7,250 were sold during the summer, increasing to 8,080 through half-season sales at Christmas.
It puts the club comfortably on target to announce a big leap in season-ticket holders ahead of the August 3 kick-off against Oxford.
Mike Hall, Pompey's engagement manager, said: 'It is going very, very well.
'We are selling 800 to 1,000 every week at the moment and 30 per cent of those are new.
'We sold 100 season tickets alone on Monday morning, which is not bad for what is usually such a slow day.
'There is a substantial amount of people still to renew. Having spoken to many of them, they tell me they intend to do so soon.
'You take that and add the new holders and you are looking at 10,000 for this season, which obviously we would love to achieve.
'There is a June pay day and we are closing our direct-debit option on July 13 so we are expecting to smash through our target some time around the middle of July.
'It is all looking very good at the moment, there's a real feel-good factor out there among the fans.'
Pompey season tickets have been on sale for the past six weeks and have long exceeded the corresponding point last year.
Corporate and hospitality are also reporting double the uptake on tickets, with the Chimes almost sold out for the season.
In addition, advanced kit sales are selling well, with the second strip to be unveiled on July 20.


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The 2B-M is ideal for solids
See the Mud Sucker 3FA-M
Learn about the 3FA-M-DD
General Wastewater Applications
Pump up to 20 GPM
Overall Rating 4/5
Re: Multi Purpose Mud Suckers
Our Mud Sucker 2FA-M fleet are being used on site at our aluminum refinery for a process application. These Mud Sucker's pump from the bottom of one tank to the top of the process tank, they do a great job for our facility.
Military Base Application
Bought for military base. Used daily for yellow grease pumping from mess halls and works great.
Working this Mud Sucker hard
Have not had any problems with this 2FA-M. We bought it two years ago. Using it all around our farm for manure pit pumping, septic tanks and flood dewatering. I should have got the wheel kit for it is my only beef.
Stationary mobility kit.
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Genuine OEM 2FA Series wheel kit.
Pump out waste oil, septic waste or wastewater. Tank sizes start at 50 gallon and are available up to 200
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The Mud Sucker 2FA-M pump with in line piping can help you save space and hose needs. Simply specify in line piping when you order the pump (no extra charge).
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A complete engine driven pump out station with premium hoses and universal fittings.
The 2FA-M pump out package complete with 10 ft. of crush proof suction hosing and 10 ft. of discharge hosing. Up to 100' (suction and discharge) hose lengths available.
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Pressure Relief Valve
Designed to help protect your pump in the event of a closed valve or blockage.
Discharge Hose
Available in 1.5" or 2" sizes. Our genuine OEM standard blue or premium brown with up to 100' lengths available. With quick fit connectors for easy removal.
Non-Collapsible Hose
Available in 1.5" or 2" sizes. Our genuine Mud Sucker industrial grade suction hosing is crush resistant with up to 100' lengths available.
Three Way Valve
Use on both the suction and discharge to either divert flow or suck up to two different points
Comprehensive Spare Parts Kit
Genuine OEM factory parts. Includes diaphragm, flappers, weights and hardware
Basic Spare Parts Kit
Genuine OEM factory parts. Includes diaphragm and flappers.
Mobility Kit
Genuine OEM 2FA Series lifting bar package.
Heavy Duty Mobility
Genuine OEM 2FA Series wheel kit for easy transportation.
Wastecorp Gulper
Advanced suction tool with check valve to suck up waste without bending. Features back flow prevention.
Mud Sucker 2FAC-M gas powered diaphragm pumps are ideal for portable or stationary pumping applications that require a heavy duty engine for tough pumping jobs at lower volumes. Compact 2FAC-M models are self priming and light weight for easy transportation and mobility. The 2FAC-M is a positive displacement pump that can run dry without damage. A wheel kit is available for this unit. The 2FAC-M is designed to pump debris laden liquid or slurries at remote outdoor locations or where electrical power is unavailable. You can customize your new Mud Sucker with a wide selection of fittings and adapters to suit your specific needs.
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As I was getting everything ready to head to Seattle today, I packed these markers for Cinderella to use in the car. These Color Wonder markers from Crayola are the greatest markers ever for wherever you are that you don't want marker ink everywhere.
Or for the child that insists on coloring on everything except paper.
Fortunately, Cinderella is not one of these children, but she does tend to drop her pens quite often while riding in the car.
These markers are perfect for the car because they only write on special paper; they leave no markings anywhere else.
Yea, Crayola! Great product!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
WFMW--Childproof Markers
Posted by Hillary (Mrs. Einstein) at 8:16 AM
Labels: WFMW
4 comments:
I just barely got a bunch of color wonder stuff for my little 3yr old artist and they are awesome! He loves writing on everything, so these are just great since they only work on the special paper.ReplyDelete
Oh yes, I am a huge fan of Color Wonder products!ReplyDelete
Great product! Thanks for the recommendation!ReplyDelete
We love color wonder too!ReplyDelete
"Only a life lived for comments is a life worthwhile." Albert Einstein, modified. Okay. Not really, but comments sure are nice.
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All alumni are invited back for the annual Alumni Weekend to reconnect with Washburn Law classmates, faculty, and fellow graduates. See a full schedule of events for details on times and locations.
Online registration for Alumni Weekend events has closed. You may still be able to register for events by calling Kathy Johnson at 785.670.1011.
Please join your classmates in a collective effort to create an endowed fund named for your class, create your own endowed fund, make a gift to the building campaign, or give to the annual fund. All of these will be counted toward your class gift participation. Call 785.670.1011 to make a reunion gift.
Sponsorship opportunities are available. Learn more and register for a sponsorship by calling 785.670.1011.
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The mission of AIS is to serve customers by helping them to become more profitable. Every professional AIS employee knows that customer profitability is to be enhanced by them by providing the best equipment or service on time, supported by our legendary product support-24 hours a day, seven days a week.
At AIS, all employees have a focused commitment. The never-ending goal is to further improve the AIS reputation for parts and service support. All employees are empowered to make business decisions everyday based on sound moral principles. Today, AIS Construction Equipment Corporation, it subsidiaries and their employees serve contractors, municipalities and farmers throughout the state of Michigan and beyond. We invite you to spend ample time becoming familiar with the scope of AIS products and services highlighted here. How may we help you?
Expect personal attention, every time at AIS!


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YAY!!! it is FINALLY hot out, and i allready have flip flop tanlines. i have three whole days off from work and i am LOVING it. i wish i was home with everyone tho, cause i'd love it even more if i had time off from work and people to hang out with. yeah.
i worte alex a letter yesterday cause he's at boot camp, and that sucks. he is like five million times braver than i will ever be just for doing that. im very very proud of him. but we all miss him, so he should come home now.
my room and my bathroom are a mess, i think i need to clean them today. and maybe make cookies of something fun since its apposta rain later on today. maybe before then i can try to alleviate my tan lines and go sit in the sun. i seriously miss having a pool, hottubs are just no fun when its eighty effing degrees out, yannow?
yawn. i love you all, i hope you're all happy! i'll see everyone next week:)
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Woodbridge, New Jersey 7095
United States
|Areas of Practice
|1) Trusts & Estates
|Law School
|Brooklyn Law School
|State University of New York at Buffalo (B.A., cum
|Most recent firm
|Wilentz, Goldman & Spitzer
Christina Mesires Fournaris is a partner in Morgan Lewis's Personal Law Practice. Since joining Morgan Lewis in 1991, Ms. Fournaris has been committed to counseling clients on all aspects of estate, tax, and generational wealth planning.
Ellen J. Deringer is of counsel in Morgan Lewis's Personal Law Practice.Ms. Deringer earned her J.D. from the University of Pennsylvania Law School in 2000 and her B.A. from Brown University in 1995.


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The CDM's executive board has elected its new leaders to head the board this year, the UN's climate change secretariat announced by email on Monday.
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Viewpoint column + Asda
Weaker sales at John Lewis are one thing. But if young mums are having second thoughts about buying a £2 vest, that suggests consumer spending is tanking
Asda screeches back to special dealsNils PratleyEveryday low prices have lost out to rival loyalty promotions. By Nils Pratley
Blood on the shopfloorNils PratleySlowing food inflation and the fight for shoppers' cash is making supermarket competition even tougher
Can Asda be top dog?Nils PratleyWalmart failed to make Asda bigger than Tesco in food so now the sights are being reset
Battle of the bogofsJulia FinchAndy Bond, chief of Asda, has declared war on 'buy one, get one free'
Morrisons' surprise choice for top jobNils PratleyYou would assume an experienced executive from within the national bank of supermarket talent would be a shoo-in for the top job at Morrisons
City analysts think the rhetoric from Tesco and Asda could herald the toughest price competition in food retailing for a decade
Cut-price Asda slices through the recessionDan Roberts
Our tighter spending habits are lifting the supermarket chain above its rivals
Viewpoint: There is an increasingly loud buzz suggesting that Wal-Mart-owned Asda is seriously weighing the possibility of mounting a bid for rival Sainsbury's.


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When Difficulties Arise…
"Hang In There"
Difficulties arise in the lives of us all. What is most important is dealing with the hard times, coping with the changes, and getting through to the other side where the sun is still shining just for you.
It takes a strong person to deal with tough times and difficult choices. But you are a string person. It takes courage. But you possess the inner courage to see you through. It takes being an active participant in your life. But you are in the driver's seat, and you can determine the direction you want tomorrow to go.
Hang in there… and take care to see that you don't lose sight of the one thing that is constant, beautiful, and true. Everything will be fine – and it will turn out that way because of the special kind of person you are.
So… beginning today and lasting a lifetime though – hang in there, and don't be afraid to feel like the morning sun is shining… just for you.


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something 'bout the southland in the springtime
If I were at home, I'd be here:
Once in your life, go see the Cherry Blossom Festival. It's so beautiful.
(picture taken last april at the tidal basin.)
"Africa is, indeed, coming into fashion." - Horace Walpole (1774)
I Love that photo.


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Need Website Designed/Developed, Full Identity
Budget $250-750 USD
I need this project completed ASAP. ONLY Well Reviewed Providers. No Flakes. DO NOT BID if you cannot AGREE to the following terms.
I will escrow 25% ONLY after you show me a MOCK-UP I LIKE that I want to go with. I will then escrow another 25% after you have the Basic Static Site Setup without the eCommerce Functionality or any of the Dynamic Functionality. Once the eCommerce Aspects are integrated I will escrow 25%. Once All Testing and Finalization is done, I will escrow remaining 25% and then Release All.
I WILL GIVE PRIORITY TO USA-based PROVIDERS or Providers that Show Great Communication and don't send me Copy & Paste Messages. You must have an EXCELLENT Portfolio. Possible future opportunity is available for the right person.
14 freelancere byder i gennemsnit $493 på dette job
Dear sir, We like to associate with you in this project :)
Hi, we are professional web Design and Development Company, providing web development in PHP, CMS based websites, E-commerce website, web design template, logo design, banner design, flash… We also provide SEO servic Flere
Hi, Please refer to PMB for details. Regards, Shashank Shukla.
Hi we have gone through your requirment . I can do according to your requirment . I will show a professional design with finctionality We are providing services for Web Templates, Logo & Banner Designs,Flash, and Web D Flere
Hi there, Thank you for the opportunity to bid on this project. I would like to express our interest in your project and would like to enter into discussions around it. Please see my PM for our company profile and t Flere
First of all let me say that my firm would be thrilled to work with a fellow Florida based firm and especially one who is so well spoken and direct with their intentions. Let's talk. Sincerely, Mike T, Owner The Flere
Hello, I am a freelance designer. I can provide your same site for $100 less than my competitors, in a fortnight. I have an out of the box design style [url removed, login to view] that can be tamed as such [url removed, login to view] Flere
Hi We are professional web designing firm and are interested to join you and fininsh this project with perfection and on time
Hi! Please see PMB for details. Thank You! PixelNotion


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Enter to win a Special Dinner for Two from Tokyo Japanese Restaurant
Tokyo Japanese Restaurant is the premier restaurant for Japanese food in the Eau Claire area. They have served traditional Japanese lunch and Teppanyaki-style dinner for 29 years and take pride in using the freshest ingredients, personally cuts top quality meat, and creating delicious dipping sauces and dressings. Tokyo also serves a wide variety of specialty drinks, Japanese and American beer, and delicious desserts.
The Tokyo Special Dinner for Two includes New York cut steak, shrimp, chicken, and calamari and is served with soup, salad, mixed vegetables, mushrooms, fried rice, Japanese tea, and dessert. A $46 value!
Find out more about Tokyo Japanese Restaurant on their website.


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Name: CHOPRA SHASHI KUMAR
Address: 8/323 MADAN MTR MKT PUNJA SHARIF K DAR -6 .
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Ball, Ridgeway, and Casteel
I am trying to help a friend find information about her family.She is the gr. gr. grandaughter of Charity Ridgeway b. abt 1801, Maryland.She married John W. Ball also of Maryland and they had five children; Clegget C. Ball, Rebecca Almira Ball, Johnathon (sp) Ball, Basil R. Ball, and Martin Ball.I found them on the following census records; 1850 Guernsey Co., Ohio, Londonderry twp and 1860 Mahaska Co., Iowa, Harrison pg 168.
We think that she is the daughter of Basil Ridgeway and Amine Casteel because of the names. (They have a grandson named Clegget Castile Beard.)
Does anyone know anything about this family that would help us in finding more about their ancestors?We are really stuck.


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CAPON Modulates Neuronal Calcium Handling and Cardiac Sympathetic Neurotransmission During Dysautonomia in HypertensionNovelty and Significance
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Genome-wide association studies implicate a variant in the neuronal nitric oxide synthase adaptor protein (CAPON) in electrocardiographic QT variation and sudden cardiac death. Interestingly, nitric oxide generated by neuronal NO synthase-1 reduces norepinephrine release; however, this pathway is downregulated in animal models of cardiovascular disease. Because sympathetic hyperactivity can trigger arrhythmia, is this neural phenotype linked to CAPON dysregulation? We hypothesized that CAPON resides in cardiac sympathetic neurons and is a part of the prediseased neuronal phenotype that modulates calcium handling and neurotransmission in dysautonomia. CAPON expression was significantly reduced in the stellate ganglia of spontaneously hypertensive rats before the development of hypertension compared with age-matched Wistar–Kyoto rats. The neuronal calcium current (ICa; n=8) and intracellular calcium transient ([Ca2+]i; n=16) were significantly larger in the spontaneously hypertensive rat than in Wistar–Kyoto rat (P<0.05). A novel noradrenergic specific vector (Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON) significantly upregulated CAPON expression, NO synthase-1 activity, and cGMP in spontaneously hypertensive rat neurons without altering NO synthase-1 levels. Neuronal ICa and [Ca2+]i were significantly reduced after CAPON transduction compared with the empty vector. In addition, Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON also reduced 3H-norepinephrine release from spontaneously hypertensive rat atria (n=7). NO synthase-1 inhibition (AAAN, 10 μmol/L; n=6) reversed these effects compared with the empty virus alone. In conclusion, targeted upregulation of CAPON decreases cardiac sympathetic hyperactivity. Moreover, dysregulation of this adaptor protein in sympathetic neurons might further amplify the negative cardiac electrophysiological properties seen with CAPON mutations.
Large genome-wide association studies have implicated the neuronal nitric oxide synthase adaptor protein (NOS1-AP or CAPON) as a potential molecular marker of both corrected QT interval on the ECG and increased risk of sudden cardiac death.1–5 Single-nucleotide polymorphisms in the CAPON gene have also been shown to be an important risk modifier in patients with inherited long-QT syndrome6–8 where sympathetic drive further exacerbates the electrophysiological phenotype.9
In ventricular myocytes, CAPON is colocalized with neuronal nitric oxide synthase (nNOS/NOS1).10,11 Increasing CAPON expression using adenoviral gene transfer accelerates cardiac repolarization (shortening action potential duration) by suppressing the L-type calcium current ICa,L and enhancing the delayed rectifier potassium current IKr.10 Furthermore, CAPON facilitates nNOS translocation to caveolae post-myocardial infarction, suggesting the interaction with CAPON is required for nNOS redistribution in injured myocardium.12
CAPON was first identified in neuronal tissue, where it interacts with the N-terminal PDZ domain of nNOS via C-terminal competition with PSD9513. CAPON escorts nNOS to specific target proteins, such as synapsin14 and the small monomeric G protein, Dexras115, and thus may play an important role in calcium-dependent exocytosis. Taken together with the observation that nNOS-generated NO acts via cGMP and phosphodiesterase 216 to reduce cAMP-protein kinase A–dependent neuronal calcium-handling and cardiac norepinephrine release,17,18 it is therefore conceivable that an impaired neuronal CAPON-nNOS interaction might augment cardiac sympathetic neurotransmission.
We hypothesized that CAPON is present, but it is reduced in cardiac sympathetic neurons from an animal model of dysautonomia.19 As a consequence, this contributes to a predisease neuronal phenotype that enhances calcium handling and neurotransmission. By developing an adenoviral vector with a noradrenergic neuron-specific promoter to increase CAPON expression, we also tested the hypothesis that CAPON reduces the neuronal calcium current, intracellular calcium transient, and cardiac norepinephrine release through an nNOS-cGMP–dependent pathway.
Age- and weight-matched prehypertensive young male spontaneously hypertensive rats (SHRs; n=51) and normotensive Wistar–Kyoto (WKY; n=45) rats were purchased from Harlan (Bicester, United Kingdom) and housed under standard laboratory conditions. This investigation conformed to the Guide for the Care and Use of Laboratory Animals published by the National Institutes of Health (Publication No. 85-23, revised 1996) and the Animals Scientific Procedures Act 1986 (United Kingdom). Procedures were performed under British Home Office license requirements (PPL 30/2360). Further methodological detail is available in the online-only Data Supplement.
Sympathetic Stellate Neuron Isolation
Sympathetic neurons were isolated and cultured using a previously published method,20 and the media used for isolation were based on modification of those previously described.21 Briefly, cardiac stellate ganglia were dissected, desheathed, and enzymatically digested. After a sequential mechanical trituration, cell suspension containing stellate neurons was plated onto poly-d/lysine/laminin-coated coverslips.
Adenovirus Vector Transduction
A novel adenoviral vector expressing CAPON fused in frame at the C-terminal end to red fluorescent protein mCherry with either a CMV promoter (Ad.CMV-mCherry/CAPON) or a noradrenergic cell-specific promoter (Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON) were transferred to isolated cardiac sympathetic neurons or whole stellate ganglia tissue. An adenoviral vector expressing only mCherry (Ad.CMV-mCherry or Ad.PRSx8-mCherry) served as a control. 2×109 pfu of adenoviral vector was used to infect neurons or ganglia in a 4-well pate (1.9 cm2/well; Nunc, Denmark). The virus-containing medium was left in the well for a maximum of 12 hours before replacing with fresh plating medium. The experiments were performed after 3 days post gene transfer for calcium transient measurements, and after 12 hours for measuring the calcium current because of the necessity to minimize space clamp error caused by dendritic growth.
For the local evoked norepinephrine release experiment, targeted percutaneous gene transfer to the right atrium was performed under isoflurane (Isocare; Animalcare Ltd) anesthesia (4% for induction and 2%–3% for maintenance in 100% O2), using a technique similar to that described previously.22 Animals received an injection of 1.6×1010 pfu of Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON or Ad.PRSx8-mCherry in 300 μL of PBS. Molecular and physiological phenotyping were investigated 5 days after gene transfer.
Cultured primary neurons were fixed in cold acetone/methanol for 10 minutes. After permeabilization and blocking with 0.1% Triton X100 in PBS containing 1% BSA for 1 hour, the neurons were then incubated with primary antibody against CAPON (rabbit pAb, 1:200; Abcam) and tyrosine hydroxylase (mouse mAb, 1:200; Sigma) in 1% BSA overnight at 4°C. Signals were visualized with antirabbit antibody conjugated to Alexa-488 (1:1000; Molecular Probes) and antimouse antibody conjugated to Alexa-594 (1:1000; Molecular Probes). Nuclear staining was performed with 4′,6-diamidino-2-phenylindole (DAPI, 1:1000; Sigma). Imaging was performed on a Nikon Ti-U fluorescent microscope.
Western Blotting
Protein extraction and Western blotting were performed as previously described (details are available in the online-only Data Supplement).20
Patch-Clamp Recordings
Cells were patched on freshly isolated neurons for nongene transferred experiments. Calcium current was recorded using conventional whole cell techniques. Pipette resistance varied from 1.5 to 2 2MΩ when filled with the internal solution containing (in mmol/L) 140 CsCl, 10 HEPES, 0.1 CaCl2, 4 MgATP, 1 MgCl2, and 1 EGTA, adjusted to pH 7.4 with CsOH. The isolated neurons were superfused in a 36±0.5°C bath with external solution containing (in mmol/L) 145 TEACl, 10 HEPES, 4.5 KCl, 1 MgCl2 and 11 glucose, 1 NaHCO3, 2 BaCl2, and 0.001 TTX, adjusted to pH 7.4 with Sigma base 7 to 9. The bath was grounded by a Ag/AgCl electrode connected via a 3M KCl/agar salt bridge. Calcium currents were acquired using Clampex software via an Axopatch 200B amplifier. Series resistance was compensated between 75% and 90%. Current–voltage (I–V) relationships were elicited from a holding potential of −90 mV using 50-ms steps (5 s between steps) to test potentials over the range of −50 to +50 mV in 10-mV increments.
Measurement of Intracellular Calcium Concentration
Intracellular free calcium concentration [Ca2+]i of individual cultured stellate neurons was determined using Fura-2 acetoxymethyl ester (Fura-2/AM) fluorescence ratio imaging as previously described.19 The specific nNOS inhibitor, N-[(4S)-4-Amino-5-[(2-aminoetyl)amino]pentyl]-N′-nitroguanidine (AAAN; 10 μmol/L) was introduced separately after the first high K+ (50 mmol/L) stimulation (S1) to depolarize cell as previously described.20 After 10 minutes of incubation, neurons were stimulated again in the presence of the drug (S2).
Measurement of Tissue NOS Activity
The activity of NOS was assessed by measuring the conversion of [14C]l-arginine to [14C]l-citrulline as described previously.23,24 Stellates from 2 animals were pooled to provide protein for each NOS activity measure.
Measurement of Tissue cGMP Levels
Stellate ganglia tissue were isolated and transduced in 4-well plates, which contained 2×109 pfu of adenoviral vector in 1 mL plating medium that was kept at 37°C in 5% CO2. The virus containing medium was left in the well for a maximum of 12 hours before replacing with fresh plating medium. After 5 days of gene transfer, stellate ganglia were rapidly frozen in liquid nitrogen. Measurement of cGMP levels was performed using cGMP Direct Immunoassay Kit (Abcam) according to the manufacturer's instructions.
Measurement of Atrial [3H]-Norepinephrine Release
Spontaneously beating atria were isolated and transferred to a preheated (37±0.2°C), constantly oxygenated (carbogen: 95% oxygen, 5% CO2), water-jacketed organ bath containing 3-mL Tyrode solution where they were pinned flat on a silver stimulating electrode. The method for determining the local release of 3H- norepinephrine to field stimulation (5 Hz, 20 V. 1-ms pulse width, for 1 minute) was identical to that which we have previously described.18
Data Analysis
Data are expressed as mean±SEM. All data passed a normality test (Shapiro–Wilk). Comparison within groups was performed using the paired Student t test and between groups using the unpaired Student t test, or ANOVA with Newman–Keuls post hoc analysis for multiple comparisons. A value of P<0.05 were considered statistically significant.
Identification of Endogenous CAPON Protein in Cardiac Sympathetic Neurons
Immunostaining demonstrated endogenous CAPON protein colocalized in tyrosine hydroxylase positive neurons (Figure 1A). The endogenous expression of CAPON determined by Western blotting was significantly lower in the prehypertensive SHR (P<0.05; n=6) than in WKY controls (n=6) when normalized to β-actin (Figure 1B).
Neuronal Calcium Current and Calcium Transient Are Enhanced in Sympathetic Stellate Neurons From Young Prehypertensive Spontaneous Rat
The neuronal calcium current was recorded using the whole cell configuration of the patch-clamp technique. Currents were evoked by test pulses from a holding potential of −90 mV. The peak calcium current density was significantly increased by 25.04±0.01% in the cardiac stellate neurons of the SHR (−27.41±1.41 pA/pF; n=8) when compared with age-matched WKY (−21.92±1.13 pA/pF; n=8; P<0.05; Figure 1C–1E). Averaged peak current density–voltage relationships showed significant enhancement of ICa density from −20 to +20 mV (P<0.05) in the SHR (Figure 1D). As we have observed previously,25 the depolarization-induced [Ca2+]i transient was also significantly larger in SHR (n=16) than in WKY (n=13) stellate neurons (Figure 1F and 1G).
Effect of CAPON Gene Transfer
Western Blotting and cGMP Measurement
Western blotting revealed that Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON increased the expression of CAPON in SHR stellate ganglia in vitro compared with Ad.PRSx8-mCherry; however, it did not affect the level of nNOS protein (Figure 2C). Fluorescence microscopy demonstrated that Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON localized in tyrosine hydroxylase positive neurons from the stellate ganglia throughout the cytosol (Figure 2B).
Although the level of nNOS expression in SHR stellate ganglia was unchanged after Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON transduction, NOS activity was significantly enhanced (n=3 measures, with each measure using pooled stellate protein from 2 animals) compared with Ad.PRSx8-mCherry (n=3; Figure 3A). The specific nNOS inhibitor AAAN normalized the difference in NOS activity after transduction with Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON (n=3) or Ad.PRSx8-mCherry (n=3). Furthermore, the level of cGMP in stellate ganglia from the SHRs was increased by ≈52% post CAPON adenoviral gene transfer compared with the empty vector (empty, 0.209±0.040 pmol/mg protein; n=10 versus Ad.CAPON:0.317±0.030 pmol/mg protein; n=10; P<0.05; Figure 3B).
Calcium Current and Intracellular Free Calcium Transients in Cardiac Sympathetic Neurons
To explore whether CAPON overexpression also modulates the neuronal calcium current (ICa), this was recorded using the whole cell configuration of the patch-clamp technique on neurons 12 hours post viral transduction (Figure 4A). In CAPON gene transfer neurons from the SHR, the peak calcium current (ICa) density was significantly reduced by 19.48±1.57% (Ad.CMV-mCherry/CAPON, −20.29±0.78 pA/pF; n=6 and Ad.CMV-mCherry, −25.20±1.59 pA/pF; n=8; P<0.05) and by 22.69±0.09% in WKY (Ad.CMV-mCherry/CAPON, −17.92±0.84 pA/pF; n=7 and Ad.CMV-mCherry, −23.18±1.06 pA/pF; n=7; P<0.05; Figure 4C). In both strains, the averaged peak current density–voltage relationships showed significant attenuation of ICa from −20 mV to +20 mV (P<0.05) in neurons overexpressing CAPON when compared with empty vector controls (Figure 4B). The magnitude of the baseline current in cells transduced with the empty virus was similar to that measured in freshly isolated SHR or WKY neurons.
To determine whether the reduction in calcium current from CAPON gene transfer leads to a reduced intracellular calcium ([Ca2+]i) transient, fluorescence microscopy was used in cells that displayed both mCherry expression and Fura-2 AM loading, after transduction with Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON (Figure 5A) or its control vector (Ad.PRSx8-mCherry). In CAPON-overexpressing sympathetic neurons, the depolarization-induced [Ca2+]i transient was significantly reduced by 33.0±1.34% in the WKY rat (Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON, 0.62±0.06 μmol/L, n=11 and Ad.PRSx8-mCherry, 0.92±0.11 μmol/L; n=14; P<0.05) and 37.8±2.62%.in the SHRs (Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON, 0.74±0.07 μmol/L; n=13 and Ad.PRSx8-mCherry, 1.19±0.06 μmol/L; n=11; P<0.05) when compared with neurons transduced with empty viral vector (Figure 5B and 5C). The specific nNOS inhibitor AAAN reversed the effect of CAPON gene transfer on the depolarization induced [Ca2+]i transient and also normalized the differences between SHR and WKY neurons (Figure 5B and 5C).
Cardiac Norepinephrine Release
Percutaneous gene transfer targeted to the right atrium of SHRs in vivo also increased right atrial CAPON protein expression as assessed by Western blot (Figure 6A). [3H]-norepinephrine release from isolated atrial preparations in response to 5 Hz field stimulation was significantly decreased by Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON by 22.1±0.97% when compared with the empty virus (Ad.PRSx8-mCherry/CAPON, 2.7±0.15%; n=6 versus Ad.PRSx8-mCherry, 3.5±0.24%; n=6; P<0.05; Figure 6B and 6C). The specific nNOS inhibitor AAAN reversed the effect of CAPON gene transfer on [3H]-norepinephrine release.
The novel findings of our study are as follows. First, we demonstrate that CAPON is expressed in cardiac sympathetic neurons and is of a similar molecular mass to that first reported in hypothalamic neurons.13 Second, the expression of CAPON is reduced in the prohypertensive SHR compared with the WKY rat at 4 weeks, suggesting that it may be linked to the predisease neuronal phenotype. Third, upregulation of CAPON in the SHR restored its expression to similar levels seen in the WKY neurons. It also increased nNOS activity and the concentration of neuronal cGMP without changing the expression of nNOS itself. As a consequence, the neuronal calcium current and intracellular calcium transient was reduced in the SHR to levels observed in the WKY. This translated into reduced atrial norepinephrine release. These effects were reversed by nNOS inhibition, suggesting that CAPON modulation of sympathetic neurotransmission is coupled to an NO-dependent pathway.
CAPON Is Expressed in Cardiac Sympathetic Neurons
CAPON, a highly conserved protein, was first identified in rat brain neurons26 as a binding protein for nNOS.13 CAPON has been further discovered to be localized in ventricular myocytes,10 rat neural tissues including the facial nerve,27 sciatic nerve,28,29 dorsal root ganglion, and lumbar spinal cord.29 It has been implicated in neuronal pathogenesis, including peripheral nerve regeneration,28 neuron loss and survival,29 schizophrenia,30 pain,29 and inflammation.26 Here, we observed significant CAPON expression in both WKY and SHR stellate neurons; however, levels were significantly reduced in prehypertensive SHR neurons. Interestingly, CAPON is also present in choline acetyltransferase–positive intracardiac neurons (C.-J. Lu, N. Herring, D.J. Paterson, unpublished data, 2014) although it is unknown whether it affects the sympathetic phenotype reported here.
nNOS-CAPON Signaling in the Prehypertensive SHR
Sympathetic hyperactivity and parasympathetic insufficiency are correlated with mortality in patients with and without cardiovascular disease.31–33 In particular, overactivity of the sympathetic nervous system is implicated in the pathogenesis of human essential hypertension.34–40 This has also been observed in an animal of model of genetic hypertension, the SHR, as early as 4 weeks where arterial blood pressure and ventricular weight:body weight ratio19,20 is not different from age- and weight-matched WKY.19,41,42 At this age, however, these animals have a distinct autonomic phenotype of heightened cardiac sympathetic neurotransmission driven by enhanced calcium transients20,25 and reduced norepinephrine reuptake transporter activity.43 This translates into an enhanced tachycardia during right stellate ganglia simulation in vitro19 and elevated heart rates in vivo under anesthesia,19 as well as in telemetered animals.42 How sympathetic impairment occurs during cardiovascular disease is not fully understood, but it clearly involves changes at different sites in the neural-cardiac axis, from brain nuclei down to alterations in local neuronal circuits at the end organ that further add to the complexity of this regulation.44
The augmented neuronal calcium current and impaired nNOS/CAPON signaling observed here may account for a major part of altered calcium homeostasis,25 although defective mitochondrial buffering of [Ca2+]i may also contribute25 to this calcium impairment, and excessive adrenergic neurotransmission in the SHR.18 Dysregulated neuronal Ca2+ signaling has recently been reported in both stellate neurons and parasympathetic neurons (intracardiac) in animals with heart failure.45 Specifically, the N type Ca2+ current was enhanced in the sympathetic neuron, but impaired in the cholinergic neuron.45 These observations provide an electrophysiological basis for the cardiac sympatho-vagal phenotype seen in heart failure and hypertension. Of interest, we see that dyregulation of both the neuronal Ca2+ current and the intracellular Ca2+ transient are early cellular markers in the evolution of sympathetic hyperactivity. What is the cellular link to impaired intracellular Ca2+ handling and is it related oxidative stress as some have suggested?.20,26
nNOS acts through modulation of cGMP and PDE2 to reduce cAMP-protein kinase A–dependent regulation of neuronal calcium transients16 and norepinephrine release17 in sympathetic neurons. Because prehypertensive SHRs have reduced cardiac stellate expression of nNOS, the β1 subunit of soluble guanylate cyclase, cGMP,20 and given that CAPON acts as a modifier of nNOS in brain neurons, we suspected that CAPON might also play a role in calcium-handling and norepinephrine release in cardiac sympathetic neurons. Although the role of CAPON as an inhibitor or mediator of nNOS function in human disease has been widely debated,46 in our study, overexpression of CAPON increased neuronal nNOS activity and cGMP levels in the SHR, while stabilizing nNOS protein expression. This is similar to that seen in isolated ventricular myocytes where CAPON enhanced NOS enzymatic activity and NO release.10 Considering the brief half-life of NO and its high reactivity as a free radical gas, the biological and cellular effects of nNOS-NO signaling may be highly localized and dependent on the subcellular translocation of nNOS between membrane and cytosolic compartments as previously suggested.47 For example, CAPON plays an important role in directing nNOS to specific target proteins such as synpasin.14 However, like Chang et al,10 we cannot rule out the possibility that CAPON also acts through nNOS-independent pathways given that CAPON may compete with other PDZ-binding proteins through interaction via its C terminus.
Our electrophysiological experiments could not determine whether CAPON modulation was more important in the neuronal soma or axonal terminal that is more applicable to localized release. Nevertheless, increased CAPON/NOS-cGMP signaling restored the neuronal calcium current and calcium transient in the SHR to the levels seen in WKY neurons. The reduction in the neuronal calcium transient and norepinephrine release was reversed by nNOS inhibition, suggesting the involvement of an NO-dependent pathway. Interestingly, CAPON is colocalized not only with nNOS but also with L-type calcium channels (LTCa2+) and potassium channels (Kir3.1) in cardiomyocytes,11 suggesting that it may play a more widespread role in the modulation of ion channels. Moreover, given the localization of CAPON to the intercalated disc in human cardiomyocytes, it has been suggested that CAPON regulates ion flow through the cardiomyocyte gap junctions.48
Overexpression of CAPON in ventricular myocytes significantly shortens the APD by inhibiting ICa,L and activation of IKr.10 This may have implications in long-QT syndrome where genome-wide association studies have identified a common genetic variant in CAPON that might contribute to QT interval abnormalities.1–7 Although sympathetic stimulation can shorten the APD, it also stimulates myocyte calcium loading, and therefore it is conceivable that abnormal sympathetic activation because of CAPON impairment superimposed on a long-QT phenotype would further exacerbate the likelihood of afterdepolarizations.
We present evidence that CAPON-nNOS modulate sympathetic neurotransmission and that this is dysregulated in the early stages of an animal model of sympathetic hyperactivity. Whether polymorphisms in the CAPON gene are associated with sympathetic hyperactivity remains to be established. However, sympathetic drive can modulate the QT interval and trigger life-threatening ventricular arrhythmias. Differences in CAPON expression or activity related to single-nucleotide polymorphisms in genome-wide association studies are associated with altered QT interval. It is, therefore, conceivable that abnormal sympathetic neurotransmission because of the same CAPON single-nucleotide polymorphisms could potentially further amplify the electrophysiological phenotype. Strategies that upregulate CAPON will shorten the APD10 and also decrease sympathetic drive, thereby providing a rationale for therapeutic targeting.
Sources of Funding
This work was supported by a project grant from the British Heart Foundation (BHF). D.J. Paterson and N. Herring also acknowledge support from the BHF Centre of Research Excellence, Oxford.
The online-only Data Supplement is available with this article at http://hyper.ahajournals.org/lookup/suppl/doi:10.1161/HYPERTENSIONAHA.115.05290/-/DC1.
- Received February 3, 2015.
- Revision received February 24, 2015.
- Accepted April 3, 2015.
- © 2015 American Heart Association, Inc.
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Novelty and Significance
What Is New?
The neuronal calcium current and intracellular calcium transient are larger in the prohypertensive spontaneously hypertensive rat than in the Wistar–Kyoto rat, and this is associated with reduced expression of neuronal nitric oxide synthase adaptor protein (CAPON).
Targeted upregulation of CAPON reduced the intracellular neuronal calcium current and calcium transient by increasing nNOS activity and cGMP production, resulting in decreased adrenergic neurotransmission.
What Is Relevant?
Single-nucleotide polymorphisms in the CAPON gene have also been shown to be an important risk modifier for sudden cardiac death and QT variability in patients.
Artificial upregulation of CAPON decreases cardiac sympathetic hyperactivity. Dysregulation of this adaptor protein in sympathetic neurons might exacerbate the electrophysiological phenotype seen in patients with CAPON mutations.
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- CAPON Modulates Neuronal Calcium Handling and Cardiac Sympathetic Neurotransmission During Dysautonomia in HypertensionNovelty and SignificanceChieh-Ju Lu, Guoliang Hao, Natalia Nikiforova, Hege E. Larsen, Kun Liu, Mark J. Crabtree, Dan Li, Neil Herring and David J. PatersonHypertension. 2015;65:1288-1297, originally published April 27, 2015https://doi.org/10.1161/HYPERTENSIONAHA.115.05290
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- CAPON Modulates Neuronal Calcium Handling and Cardiac Sympathetic Neurotransmission During Dysautonomia in HypertensionNovelty and SignificanceChieh-Ju Lu, Guoliang Hao, Natalia Nikiforova, Hege E. Larsen, Kun Liu, Mark J. Crabtree, Dan Li, Neil Herring and David J. PatersonHypertension. 2015;65:1288-1297, originally published April 27, 2015https://doi.org/10.1161/HYPERTENSIONAHA.115.05290


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From the changing of healthcare funding guidelines in the UK, USA and European Union to revolutionary technology shifts in engineering that are changing the market,Beacon has been there and has worked with clients to help create the platform for their success.
Beacon aligns closely with clients to navigate dramatically changing regulations, such as the EU's Barnier and plosteg regulations in the Netherlands. By working on actual deals within these regulatory environments, Beacon is at the forefront of creating organizational designs and client development strategies in response to regulations.


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I'm not going to get much writing done today. I have homework instead. Two-count them-TWO semester-long projects this go round and they need my attention.
Here in a few weeks, I should be able to get more writing done as my commitment to one of the projects will finish with me participating in the last team that I am required to do. Then I will only have to meet during the times the entire class meets. Hooray!
So I am off to work on my Computer Information Systems Senior Project and my group project for Accounting Information Systems. And I have homework for my environmental geology class for tomorrow. And some homework due on Tuesday and a test on Thursday for my operations management class. Then it will be Spring Break after that, and I am so excited.
I have also been somewhat reluctant to write due to a self-imposed dilemma explained here. I am taking advice and hopefully by Tuesday, my regular writing day, I will make a decision and proceed with glee.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
1 comment:
- Holly said...
"Why" is the most important question a writer can know. Figure that out before starting in.
- February 28, 2005 2:49 PM
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Towards the Like
What can make a museum membership worthwhile are repeated viewings of works of the Old Masters, and thinking about them chronologically and relative to contemporary art.
In my observations of visitors to the Art Institute of Chicago, Impressionist paintings still get the most "Likes". They were in some sense, the first "postcards", depicting scenes of people reclining, in places such as La Grande Jatte and the Bois de Boulogne. These artists really must have felt that a new zeitgeist had arrived, and perhaps viewers well over a century later are picking up on that feeling. In some ways Impressionism was the foreshadowing of abstraction, something we are now perfectly comfortable with.
"Only with the Impressionists did aesthetic theory begin to accept the view that the pictorial image is a product of the mind rather than a deposit of the physical object. The realization that the image differs in principle from the physical object lays the groundwork for the doctrine of modern art. The similar fundamental break with tradition occurs in the psychology of visual experience a few decades later. The comparison with Impressionist painting can also help us to understand the nature of "visual hints" and "flashes". Instead of spelling out the detailed shape of a human figure or a tree the Impressionists offered an approximation, a few strokes, which were not intended to create the illusion of the fully duplicated figure or tree....The elusive quality of such experiences is hard to capture with our language, which commonly describes objects by their tangible, material dimensions. But it is a quality and valuable for abstract thought in that it offers the possibility of reducing a theme visually to a skeleton of essential dynamic features, none of which is a tangible part of the actual object" Arnheim, Rudolf. Visual Thinking. Berkeley: U of California, 1969. 108
The Impressionist gallery is one of the two "ante rooms" for the museum, the other displays 18th- century religious-themed work by Tiepolo. They are the first two galleries at the top of the grand staircase, and is my understanding has been this way since the museum was built.
(If the museum was virtual, the galleries would be the equivalent of what's not at the top of the stairs but what has ascended to the top of your Facebook feed.)
As you move through the European Art galleries from the 16th-century forward, you realize the painters started having more freedom in what they were doing, from themes to pallets, to artists signing the work. (Artists didn't typically sign paintings and were usually attributed to a collective or studio of artisans.) Painting was gradually becoming more innovative--surely with Van Gogh and Cezanne. Technological progress was evident. Certainly, Monet's Water Lilly series was full of a sense of freedom of experimentation with light effects and use of more high-frequency color (blues and purples) as well as oriental influences such as Japanese woodblock prints.
By the 1900s, technology again was having an influence, with the advent of electricity, radio broadcasts and new forms of automation, as grist for new freedoms of expression. The idea of "pop" must have been there in its earliest stirrings, but the term would take fifty years to be coined. There was also the element of speed; They were simply painting faster, because the allure of abstraction obviated the painting of things like catch-lights with a one-hair brush. By 1950 Pollock was almost "supersonic" in paint application.
Ironically the galleries showing the 17th and 18th-century Dutch portraits seemed to get very little traffic. These were commissioned "look at me's". The gallery with the famous Rembrandt "Old Man With a Gold Chain" was almost empty.
The contrast between the Old Master's work and contemporary work is shocking. It could be that people are still attracted to the ambiguity inherent in 20th-century art. It could be that the "don't make me think" contingent is shrinking. Given the heady nature of contemporary SciArt, we love thinking.
Perhaps the feeling is "we're not going back to the old ways". Painting with a mop and paint bucket is still somehow more interesting and you can tell by its popularity in the galleries, even if people don't get it. But they're getting something...
March 2018


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All The Pretty Details
"I wanted this collection to be full of these very flattering, tactile embellishments and beautiful embroideries. Whether they are florals or plaids, they are done in a simple, sporty way, so you don't feel like you have to put your special pieces in the back of your closet. I love them worn with something as simple as a beautiful T-shirt or a Boyfriend shirt."
Photography – Austyn Weiner & Nicholas Ong


text: Economy Scotland lagging behind on Alternative Investment Market representation By Hannah Hamilton - September 28, 2016 Could Scotland's life sciences, IT and food and drink sectors lead the way to the stock market? Scotland is lagging behind the rest of the UK in the number of companies represented on the Alternative Investment Market (AIM) it was claimed at last week's AIM21 Summit in Edinburgh. Marcus Stuttard, the London Stock Exchange's head of AIM, told delegates that while regions out with London feature strongly on AIM, their Scottish counterparts seemed more reticent to head for a public listing. There are only 24 Scottish based AIM listed companies compared to 37 in the Midlands, 66 in Yorkshire, 81 in the North West, 105 in South East, while London boasts just under 300, and in the last four years there have only been three AIM listings by Scottish registered companies. However, fellow AIM21 speaker Rosalie Chadwick, said there was much to be encouraged about with many thriving businesses in the Scottish life sciences. IT and digital, and food and drink sectors well placed to go down the IPO (initial public offering) route. Chadwick, partner and head of corporate finance at legal firm Pinsent Masons, said: "Craneware, iomart and SMS are excellent examples of how IT/digital enterprises can thrive after an AIM listing and Scotland is alive at the moment with start-ups and SMEs which could go on to imitate their success. "Dundee, the City of Discovery, has reinvented itself as a centre of excellence in cutting edge life sciences and computer games and boasts any number of companies that could benefit from an AIM listing, while the Scottish food and drink industry, a traditionally strong performer, is starting to show more interest in the IPO space than it has for a long time." Typically, companies thinking of an AIM listing will have a market capital of £10-£100 million on listing and on average be looking to raise £5-£50 million. Since the AIM market was launched in 1995, more than 3,600 UK and international companies have joined AIM, raising £92 billion through new and further issues, and contributing around £25 billion to the UK economy each year. According to those in-the-know, the lack of appetite in Scotland for an AIM listing could be due to a number of factors, including a traditionally healthy private equity (PE) presence north of the border, family owned businesses tend to be hesitant about IPOs, and until recently a trade sale or PE injection was the preferred model for an exit strategy. However, that could be about to change according to Chadwick, who added: "Certainly, brokers I speak to are optimistic that the year-end will bring a spike in companies heading towards an IPO, and now we are past the summer lull, activity will ramp up as businesses put their houses in order in preparation for potential listings in Q1-Q2 2017. "Some companies may find a reverse take-over into an existed listed vehicle is a more prudent and less expensive way of approaching the market, where a listing is achieved but not necessarily a fund raising, which simplifies and shortens the process of going to market." Businesses thinking of an AIM listing could do much to help themselves in preparation, said Chadwick: "The best advice I would give to those companies is to have a forensic look 'under the bonnet' to identify weakness within the business and put lots of effort in to resolving those issues so they don't impact on valuation at the time of an IPO or shortly thereafter. "This kind of good house-keeping also preserves the value of a company, regardless of whether it actually does go for a trade sale, PE or IPO route, and there are good examples of companies being acquired at healthy valuations immediately before going to market, because investors and trade buyers appreciate this is the optimum time when a company will be in the best financial and operational shape possible." AIM21 is co-sponsored by the London Stock Exchange, Informatics Ventures, Grant Thornton, Talent Spark and Pinsent Masons. Keynote speaker and Scottish Enterprise chairman Bob Keiller was joined by Scotland's Cabinet Secretary for Economy Keith Brown, who presented to an audience of entrepreneurs, angel investors and professional advisers at Edinburgh's Roxburghe Hotel. Sponsored by


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text: Selling my Korg Ampworks Bass unit because I don't need it anymore. It's barely been used and it is in the same condition as it was when I bought it new. I'll include the Korg 4.5 adapter with it as well. This is a sweet-sounding modeler, especially for the price. It works great as a studio direct modeler for recording, as a headphone amp or as an additional set of effects. In fact, the multi-effect function is better than many of the ones I've used in the past, including my Boss ME6B in terms of the actual usefulness of each effect. It's programmable as well. Specs: - Amp Type knob, allowing you to dial in various amp modeling types, such as Eden, Ampeg, SWR, etc. - Cabinet knob, allowing you to dial in the same variety of cabs - Effect knob, which includes Preamp, Exciter, Distortion, Octave, Filter, Chorus, Flanger, Phaser, Rotary, Delay and Reverb - Gain, bass, mid, treble, volume and effect depth/Noise Reduction settings - Fully programmable functionality - Line/amp switch - 1/4" input and output - Footswitch input (footswitch not included) - powered by adapter (included) or AA batteries Note that there is no XLR output. Asking $50.00 + shipping to the lower 48 states. Feel free to PM me if interested. This is a cool little unit that I would keep, save for the fact that I own a Bass Pod and a SABDDI and I'm trying to clear some things out. Here's more info, including sound samples.


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I've avoided talking about this with anyone because I everyone in my life has either abandoned me, or if they haven't, they've made me feel like I'm somehow a burden when I actually need someone, so I've been white knuckling it, and this is my only safe space.......or, at least as safe as I can get since it, too, has caused problems when I've let a select few people in, but since it's as safe as I can get, I'm here.
I'm not ok.
I have spent the last two years battling a lot of things that I've been burying and pretending didn't matter, and pretending weren't a problem, but lately I've been reading a lot of stuff, and I'm realizing that everything I've been burying is cropping up when people talk about their issues and it's becoming apparent that I've been in the same boat as them. For example, this week's essay by Chrissy Tiegan hit home. Sections like this:
"I had never, ever—in my whole entire life—had one person say to me: "I have postpartum depression." Growing up in the nineties, I associated postpartum depression with Susan Smith [a woman now serving life in prison for killing her two sons; her lawyer argued that she suffered from a long history of depression], with people who didn't like their babies or felt like they had to harm their children. I didn't have anything remotely close to those feelings. I looked at Luna every day, amazed by her. So I didn't think I had it."
So I started doing some digging, and apparently undiagnosed PPD can last up to three years. And suddenly, so many things started to fall into place. Some of the crazy I was feeling, some of the struggles I had early on, and have continued to have. I started looking up symptoms and while not all applied, there were some that just......damn.
- You feel guilty because you believe you should be handling new motherhood better than this. You feel like your baby deserves better. You worry whether your baby can tell that you feel so bad, or that you are crying so much, or that you don't feel the happiness or connection that you thought you would. You may wonder whether your baby would be better off without you.
- You don't feel bonded to your baby. You're not having that mythical mommy bliss that you see on TV or read about in magazines. Not everyone with postpartum depression feels this way, but many do.
- You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you. You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don't have babies. You feel out-of-control rage.
- You feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. You feel weak and defective, like a failure.
- You feel disconnected. You feel strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there's an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
- Maybe you're doing everything right. You are exercising. You are taking your vitamins. You have a healthy spirituality. You do yoga. You're thinking "Why can't I just get over this?" You feel like you should be able to snap out of it, but you can't.
- You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you've "gone crazy."
- You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you've lost the "old you" forever.
- You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.
And then I think about how hard it's been, because I've been doing it solo. Because while I spent several months feeling like a crazy person and playing desperate person attempting to break through that invisible wall between me and the rest of the world, that became too much for some people, and in the time I most needed people in my life, they all left. And it's stayed that way. And I haven't had anyone to talk to. I haven't had anyone to understand any of this. I haven't had......anyone. I've been so incredibly focused on putting up this façade of a person who has everything under control, and who was easing into all of this without much struggle, and it was forcing me to just bury everything. But, over time, it's gotten harder to bury, and harder to pretend I'm holding shit together. Furthermore, it's harder to actually hold my shit together.
Then, when I think about all of those items in that list that I've been fighting for so long, and I couple it with people telling me my daughter deserves better, or that my daughter deserves to know she's loved and cared about but I don't adequately do that, or what I'd do if I was a good parent, it's sort of shocking that I haven't completely lost my shit before now. But I've held it together through all of that too. Through the times when I needed people to support me, and they chose to do harm instead. Though, since it has never felt really safe to fully discuss this with anyone around me, maybe it's not their fault.
At this point, I'm getting to where I just don't care about anything, at least not in a way I should. I don't really care about keeping the house as clean as I used to. I don't care about hosting gatherings. I don't care about going to gatherings. I'm physically exhausted all the time. Most nights I just want to go home, curl up on the couch and sleep. I don't necessarily want to play with my kid. Everything feels like a chore, and everything feels like it'll take way more effort than it needs to. And I don't care about most of it.
I don't know where I need to go from here. My life doesn't currently have time for therapy, or help, really. And I'm sure there are a lot of people who are going to roll their eyes and say "There is always time to take care of yourself", but those people can shut up because they don't understand how my life is structured and they don't understand how hard it is to take time. I could probably talk to my doctor and pop some anti-depressants, but without therapy I think that's just a Band-Aid on a problem. So, the reality is that since everything is indicating these issues can last up to three years but I hear nothing about it going on for longer, maybe I'll just wait it out.
My knuckles are already used to being white anyway.