text:
Yep. We booked an impromptu last minute trip for the upcoming week. We are very excited! We are going to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic for six days to a beautiful all inclusive, adults only resort right on the beach! We can't wait. More details later. Just wanted to share my good news!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Is she serious?
Really now! C'mon. Why would anyone even say something like this?!?!? If she is so concerned about "bad karma" coming back to you from your actions, well...in my opinion, she should be really concerned about herself after saying something like this! I don't want to judge her or anyone else. I get that she is upset about the treatment of the Tibetans, but really, was this comment necessary? Especially, since the vast majority of the people suffering are certainly not the ones making the decisions on a government level. UGH. She basically said that they deserved what has happened to them due to the actions of their government. What a terrible thing to say.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
It's Pouring Here
Literally & figuratively pouring. It has been raining all day...from the sky, but from my heart too, the emotions are gushing like the rain is falling & coming with those emotions are occassional rain drops from my eyes...okay, at times they have been more than drops. I am just having a bad day. I miss our "Emma". I knew that I would have bad days & I guess this is just one of them. I just hurt. That is the only way or word that I know to explain it. It is a painful ache that won't go away. It was a month this past Thursday that Thomas placed her back in her birthmother's arms. My heart is sick with grief; a grief that never gives me a vacation. It is always here with me. It is a new unwelcomed addition to my being & it is hard on my soul.
Our adoption agency emailed us letting us know that Ethiopia has a really good program going right now. It is a rough estimate, but within a year we most likely if not before could be home with a baby & possibly a sibling set. It would take some time to get the dossier done, but since we have done that before it wouldn't likely be too bad. I don't know...sometimes I think we should just wait. I think about doing In Vitro, I think about getting in line for another country while we wait for our China referral, I think about waiting to see what happens with a possible situation with someone who has offered to possibly have a baby for us (time will tell as they are dealing with some personal things that must be resolved first)...but all the while in the back of my mind I just keep thinking of ways that we could possibly get Emma back. I fear every day that I will never be able to let that go & every day she slips away from us a little more.
I know that is hasn't been that long ago. A month, right? My emotions are still so new & I am still processing what has happened. I just can't imagine that time will ever take this pain away.
Maybe it is me. Maybe I don't want to move on. I know that I don't have a choice though, so I might as well get over it or at least learn how to deal with my reality & go from there.
Plan for tomorrow...spend the day with Thomas doing something fun. That will put a smile on my face & in my heart too. It always does! He understands that behind my smile is a sadness right now that won't go away, as he carries that same sadness deep within him . I hold no expectation for myself to "be better" tomorrow, however, I do hope that the day will be better & that for now will have to be enough.
Buckle Up!
For all of you that will sooner or later be traveling & enduring that long flight home with your wiggling little one or for any friends or family flying anywhere with kids in tow I wanted to share this great information. Check this new invention out at http://www.kidsflysafe.com/ Great idea, huh? Sure beats lugging a car seat through the airport!
"One Child At A Time"
Ya Xing Kai is living in an orphanage in China. She has Spina Bifida & needs a life saving surgery. Check out this auction site dedicated to providing the funding for her surgery. This is one way that we can all get involved & literally help one child at a time!
What a great idea! HAPPY BIDDING!
Friday, May 23, 2008
"Yesterday", Leona Lewis
Love this song! Click on the song title "Yesterday" above in my music box to take a listen. You can read along with the lyrics here below.
I just can't believe you're gone, still waiting for morning to come, wanna see if the sun will rise, even without you by my side. When we had so much in store, tell me what is it i'm reaching for. When we're through building memories, i'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart.
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we'll never play. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know, they can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.
You always used to say, i should be thankful for everyday. Heaven knows what the future holds, or at least how the story goes. (but i never believed them 'til now.)
I know i'll see you again i'm sure. No it's not selfish to ask for more. One more night, one more day, one more smile on your face, but they can't take yesterday.
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we'll never play. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know, they can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. I thought our days would last forever. (but it wasn't our destiny) 'Cause in my mind, we had so much time. But i was so wrong. Now i can, believe that, i can still find the strength in the moments we made. I'm looking back on yesterday.
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we'll never play. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know, they can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. Ooooh... (All the broken dreams take everything) But they can never have yesterday.
Please take the time to click on the below link. Steven Curtis Chapman & his family have lost their youngest daughter in a terrible accident.
Get To Know Me Better...
For those of you who are not bloggers, you probably don't "get" this, but it helps us all get to know one another.
Favorite person (outside of family): This is a tough one. There are so many people that I cherish & given unlimited time in my life I would love to spend so much more time with each of them just enjoying them & their company.
Favorite food? The answer to this is usually different depending on if I have had something fabulous lately that was new to me. Overall, I really enjoy Mexican & Chinese food in general. Usually I am not a big ice cream fan, but there is this place called "ColdStone Creamery", they have them all over now. http://www.coldstonecreamery.com/ The treats that they have there...oh my goodness! The best! Also, recently Thomas treated me to a visit to the Godiva store while we were in Iowa. I chose this "kabob" that had strawberries, banannas & kiwi on a skewer all dipped & covered in Godiva chocolate. YUM! (These items are all ofcourse for when I am not low carbing, which is not very often. Getting & keeping my weight where I need it to be is one of my biggest struggles! However, these are the things that I would choose to treat myself with now & then for a special occassion.)
Quirks about you? I am an "organizer", love to have things in their place. I use to be a cleaning fanatic as well. I still like things clean, but I am not obsessive about it anymore. Thankfully, I have realized life is too short & that I have better things to do. However, if my "to do list" gets out of control, I tend to begin to panic a little as it tends to make me think that my life is getting the same way too. Another one; I love me a little (okay, a lot) of reality television. Really embarassed to admit that one, but I do. Some of it is right down "smutty" at times, but sometimes I just find myself sucked in. Ten minutes later I am staring at the television watching in disbelief & wondering, "What the heck am I watching here?!?!?" Ugh.
How would the person who loves you the most describe you in ten words or less? Wouldn't this be a question for him or her? I honestly couldn't tell you who loves me more...my husband or my Mother. They both love me unconditionally in a way that no words can describe. I would think they would say..."opinionated (never means to offend, but always means what she says), faithful, organized, good head on her shoulders, (my Mom always says that about me), strong values, honest (too much so at times), willing, philisophical, authentic, grateful"...Okay, I am sure that is at least ten.
Any regrets in life? Regrets? No...things that have happened that I wished wouldn't have, choices I have made that looking back I might have made differently, things I haven't done that maybe I wished I would have...sure. However, as far as regretting any of it, I don't have time for that. Everything that has happened has no doubt shaped me, molded me & made me; the good & bad, who I am today. So, nope. No regrets.
Favorite charity or cause? WorldVision http://www.worldvision.org/donate.nsf/child/giftcatalog_christmas07?Open&campaign=124608133&cmp=BAC-124608133
Favorite blog recently? The Smith's, "Bring The Rain" http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
Something that you cannot get enough of? Time
Worst job you ever had? Hmmm? Never gave that much thought really. Every job comes with its good & bad I suppose. Really haven't had one that was bad enough to say it was the worst. I work to live, never have & never will live to work. A job for me has not ever & will not ever define me. It is all about earning money that is necessary for our family to do the things in life that are important for & to us. I am SO thankful however that Thomas has a career that he enjoys & is so dedicated to though. Even so, he certainly keeps a great perspective & knows his personal priorities as well as our priorities as a family. He is able through his career to provide a very comfortable living for our family & for that I am so thankful to not only him, but to his company as well! He has provided me with the gift of working part time & what a blessing that is for our family!
What job would you pay NOT to have? The President of the U.S.
If you could be a fly on the wall, where? Funny. I just said this very thing to Thomas yesterday, therefore, this answer comes to me very quickly. I would love to be a fly on the wall in the home of the birthmother in which we recently placed our sweet "Emma" back too. The birthmother has two additional very young children & things were not good. I ache to know that "Emma" is okay & long to know what is happening in her world. I realize that this may only make my pain worse, to know her reality, but I am all about being honest here, so that is my answer.
Favorite Bible verse right now? "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Guilty pleasure? "Grey's Anatomy"
Got any confessions? Well, I try to live as my authentic self always at all cost. Lately, there have been times when I am not feeling very happy in my heart. The ache & longing that is within me really never gives me a vacation. At times lately, I have forced a smile or when I have been asked how I am doing by friends & family, I haven't always been very forthcoming. I think that those close to me already know this though & can & do very often see behind my smile anyway though, so a lot of you probably already knew this, so I guess it is not much of a confession really.
If you had to spend $1000 on yourself, how would you spend it? It would go towards traveling. LOVE to travel...anywhere, anytime!
Favorite thing about your house? The family & friends that fill it.
Least favorite thing about your house? The lack of children in it.
One thing you are bad at? Operating electronic stuff...you know, the DVR, my MP3 player & the like...thank goodness for Thomas or I would be in the dark ages! I am a good learner though, so once he teaches me (okay, usually it does take a few lessons!), then I do okay. I am also TERRIBLE at reading maps! I can't find my way out of a cardboard box, really!
One thing you are good at? Organizational Skills, Being honest (really, I think that honesty is a skill-there are so many who are not so great at that these days, right?)
If you could change one thing about your circumstances, what? Refer back to the regrets question. I am trying to learn rather than to constantly want for what I don't have to instead be happy, at peace & grateful for what I do have. This takes effort daily & is often a challenge, but I am trying.
Who would you like to meet someday? Refer to the favorite person question. There are so many people & places too that I know if given the opportunity to meet & spend time with, go to & spend time there; they could; the people & the places, enrich my life in unimaginable ways...
What makes you feel sexy? My husband. Oh, the question was "what", not "who"...well, sorry. I am sticking with my first answer.
Who is your real life hero? Again...too many to mention just one. Living life today in this ol' world is often times so tough & we all get thrown a lot of curve balls. So many people in my life can hit a curve ball out of the park like nothing I have ever seen!
What is the hardest part of your job? Depends on the day.
When are you most relaxed? Depends. However, siting in the backyard with Thomas talking & admiring the garden ranks right up there.
What stresses you out? Running late.
What can you not live without? Faith.
Favorite song, music or band? Or turn us onto to a new artist that you are listening to & enjoying right now. Leona Lewis! WOW! Her songs are incredible & that voice...ubelievable!
Do you agree with the recent article that blogs are authored by narcissists?
What?!?!? No, that is so silly in my opinion.
Why do you blog? Sanity.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Our Garden Is Finally In!
Thomas got started bright & early out in our garden yesterday. He was out there all day. He didn't come in until almost 8PM! The rain finally stayed away long enough to get going on one of his favorite projects of the year. He tilled, weeded, planted & built cages & fencing. It looks great! He planted everything from sunflowers & pumpkins to onions, herbs, jalapenos & cauliflower, plus just about anything else that you can think of! We already have quite the strawberry patch in full bloom. He built a cage around it & we will soon net it as well to keep the birds from picking them clean before we can. Last year the fruits of our labor were awesome. We had quite the garden & a wonderful, bountiful harvest clear through late October. I appreciate his efforts as it is so nice having the fresh vegetables, fruits & herbs throughout the season. Remember last year? I think there are some shots somewhere on a previous blog post from our gardening season before. Anyway, it is looking great already. Pictures of that project to come soon.
I helped him out a little with it yesterday, but not much. I was doing some things inside. I made us a late lunch which we enjoyed picnic style out in the back yard while admiring Thomas's hard work. He has quite the sunburn on his neck & head as a result of his long day.
Oh & about the lunch...I made a new turkey salad recipe. We can't figure out what makes it so great, but honestly, it is the best we have ever had. I will post the recipe soon. It is a great summer treat.
Thank You Secret Pal!
THANK YOU again!
I Am So Proud Of Myself!
A friend of mine recently helped me bling my blog out a little for spring. She said that she just couldn't stand all of the white anymore! :) As I have said before doing things like "blinging out my blog" & digital scrap booking are both things that I really want to learn to do.
Well, last night I took a stab at trying to get music on my blog & as you can see I did it! I must say I was & am pretty impressed with myself. I am not electronically inclined so it felt like quite an accomplishment. I kept closing out my blog & reopening it to hear the music start up. I was so silly clapping my hands & praising myself. Thomas was laughing at me, but agreed that it was very cool.
I added a few songs that are very special & inspirational for me & I added some that I just heard recently & have been enjoying. I will change the play list from time to time as my mood changes & different things are going on in my life. You can click on any tune to hear a different song on the list. Just use the scroll bar on the right of the music list to move the listing up & down to reveal more tunes too. Impressive, huh? HA! Not really, but I am just very pleased with myself that I figured it out. (Oh & if the music is distracting to you, in the left corner of the music box there is place to click on & stop it from playing. It is the first little box right under the pic of the album cover.) I will very soon be trying to "bling out my blog" in other ways too. Stay tuned...
10 Months & Counting...
I remember vividly the day that we received our log in date & it doesn't seem like all that long ago. Approaching the one year mark very soon makes me think that maybe time is going a little faster. I hate to wish our life away, but we are so ready to travel to China & bring her home.
Well, all I can say is, "Ten months down & who the heck knows how many to go!"
While we are on the subject of the number ten, read this; a little bit about the symbolic meaning of the number ten:
The number ten is the start of a whole new order of numbers and the culmination of the numbers that come before it. This may seem to be merely a distinction given to ten under our decimal numbering system. However the numbering systems in use in the time that the Bible was written were also based upon the number ten. A look at the number values assigned to the Hebrew and Greek letters in the table shown in the introduction Hebrew and Greek numerics will show that the letters were given values from one to ten, then increasing in tens to 100 then increasing by 100's and so on. Furthermore numbering by tens is built in to our very anatomy, count up on your fingers and when they are all used, make a mark on a piece of paper and start from your first finger again. Soon you will have a number of marks, each representing 'two hands' worth. Thus in ancient times as in modern times ten is the start of a whole new order of numbers and the culmination of the numbers that come before it.
Thus wherever ten is found this completeness of order is also seen. Ten implies completeness of order, nothing lacking and nothing over. It signifies that the cycle is complete and that everything is in its proper order. Thus ten represents the perfection of divine order.
If you are interested click on the below link to read a little more about the number ten. I mean, who knew? It elaborates on The Ten Commandments, The Tenth Chapter, The Tenth Verse & so on. So interesting.
And now we know...
Friday, May 16, 2008
You're In The Right Place...
A fellow waiting China Mommy worked on blinging out my blog a little for me in honor of spring time. I am not very good at that kind of thing, but hope to get better at it soon. I think I would love to do things like that with my blog as well as digital scrapbooking too. I hope I learn soon. Right now I want to learn how to have music playing when others open up my blog. I am so not electronically inclined. So, thanks Sara for making my blog a little prettier!
Today was so beautiful weather wise here! A friend of mine & I took her two boys, got some lunch & went to a local state park & had a picnic. Then, we let the boys play on the playground there while we visited & enjoyed the wonderful weather & some good company. Then, we went to a garage sale & found some bargains. I found lots of eighteen month old clothes items; most with the tags still on & lots of name brands such as Old Navy, Gap, Gymboree, Children's Place etc. So cute! Plus, I purchased a book that their grandparents had brought them back froma trip they had taken to China! It is a children's book with letters, common words & phrases. It has a photo of the item & then it is written out in English & then translated in Chinese; the woman told me the dialect, but now I can't remember. Irregardless, I was very pleased. I got the whole bag of clothes & the book for $7.50! I love bargains! Tomorrow, another friend of mine who is expecting her first little bundle of joy (CONGRATULATIONS KRISTIN!) & I are going on a garage sale adventure in the morning. We will have lots of chatting, find some great bargains no doubt & maybe enjoy some breakfast. It will be a nice girl's morning out for us!
Thomas & I made a big purchase the other day. We purchased a new riding lawn mower & a weedeater. We are very pleased with them both. For now, it is fun mowing as it is like having a new toy, but I am sure that will wear off sooner than later & we will not be as excited as we are now to mow.
Today "Emma" is one month old. It seems to me that she should be so much older. I can hardly even comprehend that we have only been home for about three weeks. I don't really know why that is...the only thing I can figure is that every day that she is not with me feels like an eternity, like a lifetime. Maybe that is why it seems so, so long ago. I pray that she is getting all that she needs & that she is thriving, happy & healthy. I miss her so much I ache.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
The devastation that the people of China are facing right now has never been more clear to me than since reading this article from the NY Times. I really don't even have any words to express my feelings of sadness for all that are in any way involved in this nightmare. I don't know what to think or what to say. Click on the below link & read the article & beyond that I would say just pray.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Does anyone know why like in my previous posting that the first paragraph is so spaced out between lines & then it goes right into more normal line after line without the spacing?!?! I have tried & tried to fix it. I have changed my font & also the text size & nothing works. I am clueless!
Monday, May 12, 2008
The people God brings us to...
I received a package in the mail yesterday. It wasn't from one of my secret pals from one of my groups that I participate in & it wasn't from a familiar friend who lives nearby. It wasn't from anyone in my family & it wasn't from a stranger...it was from a friend, although a different kind of friend than some of you might think of when you hear the word "friend". A woman who I have never met face to face & likely may never meet in person. A woman who lives very far from me, but obviously knows me better than people who I see every day. This woman inspires me in so many ways & I am better for knowing her that is for sure!! She is from a group of other families that I correspond with that are all logged in for China the same month as us.
"Be strong and let your heart take courage, All who hope in the Lord."
Monday, May 5, 2008
Verb VS Adjective...
Just a couple of things... & indulge me here just a bit as I am likely to get on a little bit of a soap box. We all have our topics that we like to discuss & for obvious reasons this is one of mine. I just think if you have personal experience with a topic & you feel you have something relevant to share on the subject that might enlighten others that you should go for it. However, I don't want to be misunderstood that I am preaching here or upset...as I know that everyone most generally means well, but I just chose to take this time & forum to just put some of my thoughts out here on a topic that is so personal to me.
It was recently suggested by a dear friend that we should not give up hope on trying for "your own" baby. I just want to make it very clear that I know that what she meant to say was a biological child. I also want to make it clear that Emma would have been & Mia will certainly be "our own" baby, just not our biological children. I know that everyone knows that & that is what is usually meant when someone says "your own" (biological), but I just wanted to say that adopted is a verb, not an adjective. Adoption is a way to grow a family. It describes the way that a child comes to be in a family, but is not a descriptive word that should ever be used to describe a child. It is kind of like a vaginal delivery or c-section. No one goes around saying "this is my vaginal delivery daughter" anymore than anyone should be saying, "this is my adopted daughter." They are just your children period; your own children, irregardless of how they came to be your son/daughter & you their parents. I just feel better having said this as it is something that is important for all of us to help each other to be mindful of. Sometimes I have heard people speak of families when talking about the children & they will say, "their daughter is adopted". That is an incorrect statement. The correct statement would be "their daughter WAS adopted." Again, the word should be a verb, NOT an adjective. Thomas & I tried to have biological children as you know, but adoption wasn't necessarily our second choice. We never looked at Emma & won't look at Mia as a consolation child or a second choice. We just want to grow our family, whether that be through birthing a biological baby or adopting a son or daughter, it matters not to us. Our only goal is to be parents, to grow our family. Our goal isn't to become pregnant or to adopt & adopting internationally or domestically matters not either. Being 35 we still have some time I suppose to explore our options for a bio pregnancy. However, the odds are no doubt against us. Just as a reminder, I have PCOS, Stage 4 Endo, a hydrosalpinx & use to have Insulin Resistance (corrected after losing 80 pounds), plus I am 35...so, although not impossible, certainly I have some things working against my odds. Thomas has no male factors, so that is a plus. Also, our insurance although good in every other aspect offers ZERO coverage for anything related to Infertility. Yep, ZERO!! So, if we did do InVitro it will be @ $14,000.00 here in Missouri at our physician out of the gate cash money up front. We for a long time thought that adoption was very much more a sure thing than InVitro would be. We contemplated which process to pay for that would in the end get us to our goal of growing our family. We thought that adoption was the clear choice, that we would in the end have our babies sooner & more safely than by doing InVitro. Yep, that is what we thought. We have since come to see that isn't always the case. We know a lot of families who have done InVitro, both successfully & unsuccessfully. Some have done a mixture of fresh & frozen transfers; a total of between 6-10 times & out of those attempts have 1-3 beautiful, precious children. Ofcourse, they would do that again, it worked for them & for that I am so glad, but will it work for us? How many times can we financially afford to try with no insurance coverage & also having gone through two failed domestic placements that were very costly in the last sixteen months, plus having our International Adoption in process as well. All, very costly. Not complaining about the money....we have a very clear understanding that we are paying for the process, NOT THE CHILD! It is just a little more difficult to think about the money spent when in the end we have come home twice without our babies.
So, that is my soap box for the day. If I just enlightened one person, changed the vocabulary of one individual my time here today was well spent!
Have a great day! It is suppose to be 75 degrees here. I am hoping to get out in the garden this afternoon to get it rolling for this season.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
I am still living...
Hi everyone. Yes, It has been almost two months since my last entry. Sorry. Very soon in the midst of this post, those of you who don't know why will very soon understand.
We had another failed domestic placement. WOW, huh? Tell us about it! Let's see...where in the world to begin?
Okay, we heard a couple of months ago about this possibility & in order to respect & protect the birth families privacy I won't divulge a lot of specific details about it. However, I will say that she is nineteen & has two other children, very young children. It again seemed like the sure thing. We had daily contact with her & everything seemed like we were on track. We hired an attorney & did everything by the book.
We had to travel to another state for the birth & would have had to remain there until the process was mostly complete. It ended up being a scheduled induction, so we were there the night prior. There are a lof of things that happened, but the baby was finally after several false starts born healthy. We were not at the hospital & did not take her home from there. However, the birth mother signed the termination of parental rights & placed her in our arms & our care just a day or so later. It was the happiest moment of our lives.
We had four of the most glorious days with her ever! Really, no matter what the outcome has been & the hell we have lived in these last few weeks we would never give those four days back for anything.
In the state where she (yes, the baby was a girl) the BMother had four days/96 hours to change her mind & revoke her signature from the TPR that she had signed. Literally mere hours (less than three hours) before that time was set to expire, my cell phone rang. My heart sank. There was no need to look at the clock & really no need to answer the call as we knew instantly who & what was on the other end. However, I answered the phone & it was our attorney with the words that still haunt me today & always will, "My dear, I don't have very good news for you." I could share with you the rest of what she said as I remember vividly that conversation, but honestly, none of the rest matters.
A short time later, Thomas placed our precious "Emma Kate" back into her Birth Mother's arms & into a life that we had not wished for her.
A day later we traveled back to our home with an empty car seat in the back of our vehicle that only days prior had been filled with the most beautiful, precious soul that we had ever laid eyes on or had the blessing of knowing.
We still love her today. We still feel like her "Daddy & Mommy" & I can tell you that I don't think those feelings will ever go away. We are hanging in there. Some days are worse than others, but we somehow get through them. It it SO hard as we long & literally ache for her every moment of every day. Nothing makes that go away! Nothing. We are moving on & living this new life that is now ours without her, planning trips, going back to work, family outings & even laughing again...but nothing is a diversion. Absolutely nothing. Those feelings; the ache, the emptiness is always there looming in the background. We are not sure that it will ever go away. I think we are & will continue to learn how to cope a little better with each passing day.
Yes, someday we will get to go & get our Mia from China & maybe another child before or after that will join our family one way or the other...however, one child does not & will not replace our "Emma Kate". We loved & nurtured that little precious soul for four glorious days. She eternally impacted our lives. We will never be the same. I don't know if anyone who hasn't lived it can understand what four days can be like when you are literally living out a dream...four days can & did seem like a lifetime for us. It really did.
If you have children you understand, GOD FORBID something would happen to one of them, just because you have the other one wouldn't make your longing or ache for the child that left you to be back in your life go away, you know? It is just difficult when you wanted something for so long & then you get it & it was more than you could have ever dreamed or hoped for & then it is gone again. It is such a loss, not only the loss of our dream of parenthood, but of our sweet "Emma". She was amazing. Now, not only do we ache & long for parenthood & want to be parents, we want to be HER parents.
It has been very difficult not to question why. However, in our hearts we know that is not the right thing to do; questioning God I mean. Over & over I have had to & continue to repeat one of my favorite verses to myself, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 I have always believed that & even though my faith has been shaken & has felt tested I still believe it. I know that God has a plan for our lives. I am only human & God knows that there has been many a day that I have prayed that His plan might come a little more in line with ours or at least that His plan could be revealed to us in someway so that maybe we could understand things & this could all be a little easier. However, we know that we just have to trust in Him & take this to Him...but, it is hard, so, so hard. As we all know it is easy to praise Him & be thankful when things are good, but to be able to do it when things are bad is a different story. We are trying. I would think that must mean that you have reached some kind of spiritual maturity when you can be praising God even through the storms of life. You know what I mean?
There is this song by the band Mercy Me. It is called "Praise You In The Storm". We have always loved it, but now more than ever it has new meaning for us. I have shared the lyrics below:
I was sure by now God You would have reached down And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day, But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
But as the thunder rolls I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I'll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side
And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry, You raised me up again, My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I'll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I'll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my sideAnd though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm, And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm
I told my Mom the thing that makes this so difficult is that those four days with her were a dream. We longed for that life for so long & we finally got it. It was everything that we ever dreamed of. Every second of every moment with her in our life was perfect. (other than the loud, & I mean LOUD ticking of the looming clock counting down the ninety six hours in the background...we could have done without that!) Not one thing with her was a chore. One afternoon she pooped like four times in a few hours & every time that we got to change her was our pleasure. When we went to breakfast & in the middle of it she needed to eat or be changed Thomas & I would fuss over which one of us would let our breakfast get cold to feed or change her. Those "task" as some would see them were the highlight of our days & we know that her BMother will never likely be able to see it that way. My point is, that we knew we wanted to be parents before & now we got to do it & it was everything & more than we ever could have imagined. The thing is that we had "Emma" & we want her back! How are we going to let that go? We know that we have to, so now comes the task to figure out how. Some have compared this to a death & it does in some ways feel like that. However, with a death you know that the person is gone. We know where she is. We know that she is not dead, but in some ways I guess she is dead to us, as no matter what we do we can't get her back in our arms.
I can also tell you that I knew that Thomas would be a good Daddy, but I had no idea. He was amazing in every way. Even the pediatrician said that we were quite a team working together just as it should be. He told us we were doing an amazing job. Most babies at eight days old he sees would have lost about ten percent of their body weight & then they gain that back. Miss Emma was already 7lbs 8oz (she was 7.5 at birth) & he said he didn't know when he had seen a healthier baby. We gushed with pride only to put her back in the BMom's arms only hours later. She was so unspoiled & perfect, her days filled with classical music & parents who adored her. What kind of world were we forced to place her in? We know that a lot of babies live in much worse & she will likely survive as most do, but we don't want her to survive, we wanted her to thrive & that just likely won't happen. I look at the clock periodically & think in my mind, "Well, the BMom has had her 72 hours now." or however long at the time it might be just thinking that our "Emma" really doesn't even exist anymore & the longer she has her the more that is true. Really, the moment that Thomas placed her back in the BMom's arms our "Emma" was gone. Instead she was now a little baby with a new name, a new mommy & very soon a new life....& somehow, someway we just have to get to a point of acceptance with that.
Many have said that we shouldn't give up hope as that call still may come. Yes, that would be a dream & YES, we would go as fast as we could!! However, we feel that it is unhealthy for us to live every moment with that idea in our minds. We must move forward. Life is too short not too. Some days it does feel as this might consume us, but we manage to keep going. We realize that each day, with each new morning we have the chance to begin again & to continue to settle into this new life without her that is now ours.
I have many photos of her. Many that I would love to share. However, I am not sure it is right to post them here on my blog. As much as I want to, she is not ours to share with the world. Yes, the four days that we had her...those were our days & we will treasure them always. If she were still with us, other than in our hearts, I would be flooding you with photos, but I just don't think I should in this forum with the current status of things as they are. However, if you want to see her sweet little face leave me a comment here with your email addy & I will gladly privately send you a couple shots of her.
Well, that is enough of that for now. I will post more a little later about some other happenings in our life, but for now I am a little drained & just need to sit back & take all of this in for a bit.


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(English portion of banner held up by protestors: Why OBAMA incide Homosex in KOREA? / Stop interfering! Go out!
Korean portion of banner: Obama and Ambassador Lippert of the U.S. spread homosexuality and AIDS / Stop interfering in internal affairs and leave!)
On May 10, three evangelical Christian groups--Only Jesus Love, G&F Ministry, and VOCD International--protested the U.S. Embassy in Korea for being one of the sponsors of a forum for parents of LGBT people. They claimed the U.S. was interfering in Korea's internal affairs and morality. They also argued that homosexuality is contributing to an epidemic of HIV in Korea and the U.S. should not be promoting the practice in South Korea.
Here is a letter OJL sent to U.S. Ambassador to Korea Mark William Lippert. I have reproduced the English version as is, with my fact checks and responses in bold.(WARNING: OVERT HOMOPHOBIA AND MISINFORMATION)
I'm not entirely clear on what passage is being quoted here, since I am aware of no principle that is worded this (ungrammatical) way, but the letter-writer is likely referring to the principle of non-intervention or non-interference. As Oppenheimer's International Law states, however, in order for an action to fall under this prohibition "the interference must be forcible or dictatorial, or otherwise coercive, in effect depriving the state intervened against of control over the matter in question." (PDF link, page 2) Military intervention is a classic example, and trade or financial measures are another area under discussion as intervention. Sponsoring a civilian human rights event is not considered an example of illegal intervention.
Date: May 10, 2016
To : United States Ambassador Mark William Lippert
Title : We would demand that US Ambassdor do not interfere the ethical issues in South Korea.
We respect the work of the United States Embassy.
We are a national christians organization that tries to keep our rights in South Korea.
We were informed that US Embasssy supporting the meeting forum for parents of homosexuals today.( May 10, 2016)
The international diplomatic principle explicitly specifies 'each countries must not intervene in moral and ethnic problems of other countries'.
Also, when compared to the Korean version, the letter-writer appears to have meant "ethical" rather than "ethnic." My intent is not to mock the English (I am Korean myself and speak English as a second language) but to clarify the meaning, as the misused word here changes the meaning of the sentence.
It would be against the basic diplomatic principle that do not intervene in the culture of foreign contries.
There are about 200 countries in the world, each of them have their own different cultures and standards for ethnics and morals.
(Again, to clarify, a comparison with the Korean version shows the intent was "ethics and morals.")
Even though US has legalized homosexual marriage which is still illegal in Korea, Korea has never tried to condemn them or support activities related to anti-homosexual movements in the US.
By this I assume that the letter-writer means the Korean government has never condemned the U.S., because Korean Christians certainly have.
Athough Korea is aware that pedophile and polygamous activists in the US have just lawyer-up for their rights claiming that they are also sexual minorities as homosexuals - and their rights should be acknowledged; however, Koreans haven't denounced them or supported any anti-movements towards them within US.
I am not aware of pending cases or civil movements for the rights of pedophiles and polygamists; Warren Jeffs, an FLDS leader who was arguably both, is serving a life sentence plus twenty years for child sexual assault and this is not controversial.
Furthermore, LGBT rights and pedophile "rights" are very different because the latter involves the sexual coercion of minor children. While it does appear that some people are attracted to children against their own will, and may need help to keep from offending and hurting children, that is as far as pedophile rights can go and the arguments that supported LGBT rights cannot apply to pedophilia.
Even though Sweden has legalized Zoophile in the past, Korea hasn't condemned their actions or supported any activists against it within Europe.
In fact, Sweden did the exact opposite when it made bestiality illegal starting in January of 2014.
It's because we can't be involved in moral ethnic problems within other countries by the international diplomatic principle.
(Again, the letter-writer meant "ethical.")
But why did US embassy directly host the meeting forum for parents of homosexuals on top of supporting homosexuality that spreads AIDS in Korea?
As the statistics issued by CDC in the US that show teenage boys making up 95% of the whole AIDS patients, more than 1000 teenagers in Korea are getting infected with AIDS each year due to homosexuality.
Actually, CDC statistics show that children and teenagers (from under 13 to 19) account for 4.6% of HIV diagnoses in 2014, and 1.7% of all people living with Stage 3 (AIDS) of the infection.
Also, according to the Korea Federation for HIV/AIDS Prevention, there were 1,191 new HIV infections reported in total in Korea in 2014. Of these, 43 were children and teenagers from the ages of 10 to 19. (The source of their data is the Korea Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.)
According to announcements by KCDCK(Korea Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), there were middle school and high school students among the teenagers infected with AIDS due to homosexuality last year(2015). Korean parents are astounded by it.
I could not find any such accouncement from the KCDCP (I believe this is the correct abbreviation), but I did find a 2014 article from Christian Today, an evangelical newspaper, taking the Center to task for allegedly concealing the link between homosexuality and HIV infection.
While, the amount of people infected with AIDS is fast-growing, US embassy is doing activities to encourage homosexuality in Korea.And it only provokes preexisting anti-American sentiment within Korea.
To my knowledge, anti-American sentiment within Korea is mostly due to U.S. security and trade policy, not its LGBT policy. In fact, Christian groups are usually among the most vocal in supporting the Korea-U.S. alliance.
Also, direct hosting of meeting forum for Parents of LGBT by US embassy - which is instructed by US government - is indisputably an intervention in the domestic affairs towards moral and ethnic problems in Korea.
As explained above, sponsorship of voluntary civic activities does not fall under prohibited coercive intervention into a country's internal matters.
What would US think If Korean embassy took opposite stance for homosexual marriage which is legal in the US, and supported anti-homosexuality activists? they would say 'stay out of their domestic affairs'.
I believe they would actually say, "you're being homophobic."
Homosexual people lead a very miserable life; - even those in countries where homosexuality and homosexual marriage is legalized, have 4 times higher suicide rate, 2 times higher cancer incident rate due to abnormal sexual relationships and 25-30 years shorter average life span compared to heterosexual people. That is 10 years shorter average life span than alcoholics'.
It is true that the LGBT community have elevated suicide risks: One study found that "US gay and bisexual males have more than a 3-fold increased risk of ever attempting suicide in comparison with their heterosexual male counterparts." However, the same study also found that "Some risk factors were specific to being gay or bisexual in a hostile environment," discussing how it might not be homosexuality causing the problem, but rather people like the letter-writer.
Homosexuality is a serious sex addiction. Many homosexual people confessed this because of their conscience.
Many homosexual people have hard time because of their sex addition and they are very suffering because they are constantly exposed to AIDS, other various sexually transmitted diseases and commit suicide whole life.
Many homosexual people are going through psychological struggle inside and they really want to escape from homosexuality if possible. Many homosexual people confessed this too.
Yet findings seem to indicate they suffer from homophobia rather than homosexuality.
Even if we know all this, we just let them be so they can die early. This is one way of abominating homosexuals.
In this case I think I need to translate from the Korean to get the writer's intent across. It should read more like: "Knowing all this, if we leave homosexuals alone to die early practicing homosexuality, that is the true homophobia."
However, you insist that we should acknowledge their homosexuality, leaving them alone to die in misery.
It seems to me that getting parents involved to understand their chlidren and support them is the opposite of "leaving them alone to die in misery."
Is it really for human rights? No, most South Korean never think that.
Actually, Koreans' attitudes toward LGBT rights are changing very rapidly, going from 18% responding in a 2007 survey that they do not oppose homosexuality to 39% saying the same in a 2013 survey. There is a sharp generational split here, with nearly half (47.4%) of individuals in their 20s saying that they have no objections to homosexuality.
Real love isn't about allowing them their rights of homosexuality at their request, but it's about helping them get out of their miserable life.
Or perhaps you could stop making LGBT people miserable by quoting false statistics at them and calling them sex addicts. Just a thought.
It is a lie that homosexuality is in-born trait. Homosexuality can be cured. Many ex-homosexual have confessed this and we have many cases and witnesses for it.
Actually, conversion therapy has been debunked and renounced by the mainstream mental health and professional organizations.
Koreans are well aware of the fact 'homosexuality has been erased from the list of metal disorders of (APA-American Psychological Association) as a political measure due to the violence of extreme homosexuals, who had armed themselves to invade APA, assaulted doctors of APA, sent out letters threatening their lives' - has been exposed by books of homosexual activists' confessions in the US.
No, "Koreans" are not aware of this, and I consider myself better-informed than most. (Then again I did not "know" that a thousand teenagers a year are diagnosed with AIDS in Korea, and evidently neither do the public health authorities because it's not true.) This paragraph seems to refer to the removal of homosexuality from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual III of the APA. The change came about through such pioneering works as that of Evelyn Hooker, and stories of armed homosexuals invading the APA are conspicuously absent even from an account that is hostile to the decision.
Therefore, we should stop lying to parents of homosexuals that homosexuality is normal and not a mental disorder.
We know that United States have approved the homosexuality and same-sex marriage. However, we do not have to follow their suit in Korea.
There are only 20 countries in the world in which homosexual marriage is legalized. Eighty countries in the world are still against and punish it.
Those 80 countries include such shining paragons of human rights as Saudi Arabia and Iran. I guess this is what happens when your homophobia outweighs your Islamophobia.
There are 10 million Christians in Korea. We believe that homosexuality is against God's will and a great sin that will bring the wrath of God.
South Korean government never intertfere the ethical culture of other foreign countries.
Therefore, We would demand that other foreign countries do not interfere the ethical issues in South Korea.
We specifically request to US Embassy.
First, Korea is a country that prides itself for having great culture and tradition.
I take great pride in my heritage, but it is far from perfect with many problems to solve. Homophobia is one of them.
We can develop our culture and tradition on our own.
This is actually true. We just have different ideas about the development of our culture and traditions, because Koreans are not a monolithic group--and if the yearly and generational trends are any indication, it is the letter-writer and others like them who may find themselves in the minority.
We demand you not to interfere with our ethics problems in Korea.
Second, As revealed from the witnesses of many ex-homosexuals, do not lie that sexual addiction is a human rights!
"Do not lie" seems rather comical, coming from a group that was just citing blatantly made-up statistics and facts in this very letter.
Third, More than 1,000 Korean youth are getting infected with AIDS because of homosexuality every year.
I find it richly ironic that this statistic, which is false as stated above, comes directly after the exhortation not to lie. Don't Christians have a book telling them not to give false witness?
So, stop promote homosexuality in South Korea!
Fourth, Respect the wishes of Most Korean who oppose homosexuality.
Those Koreans who oppose homosexuality are free not to attend LGBT support meetings like the one that the U.S. Embassy sponsored, but do not have the right to stop others from doing so.
Stop attacking anti-homosexual people for being homophobic.
You are being homophobic, though, when you spread malicious lies about the LGBT community, and go against science and common sense to tell them they are lesser and destined to be miserable.
They truly love people with homosexuality and that's why they oppose homosexuality.
*Long wet fart noise* I'm sorry, I tried to be patient.
Fifth, the same-sex marriage is allowed in a country where they also permit animal sex and incest, we know that there are many things that cannot be allowed in Korea ethically.
Are they talking about Sweden? This isn't true, actually, as pointed out above.
We have the rights to protect and preserve our traditional values.
You are not the only Koreans who matter. The culture and values are not yours alone. Don't think you can dictate what it means to be Korean, or what our traditions and values mean. We, LGBT people and allies alike, live in the same society and we are part of the conversation. We are as Korean as you are, and it is as much our culture as yours.
If your Embassy continues to support homosexuality and do not respect for Korean moral standards is not improved in South Korea, it only provokes preexisting anti-American sentiment within Korea.
Please remember many Korean people watching your actions.
Is this a threat? It really sounds like a threat to me, addressed to an official who was attacked with a knife by an anti-American fanatic just last year.
May 10, 2016
OJL Mission in Korea.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/70472.html
- Current Mood: angry
- Current Music:Estelle - Stronger Than You

subset: commoncrawl


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okay so the poems didn't work eh? So you decided to read the acknowledgements and see who I was thanking.
To start with I've got to thank GOD for everything in my life, for being a damn good friend, and for all the lovely things and people I have in my life today. I have never been so rich.
My lovely parents for loving me so deeply, just the way I am. I know I have been the cause of a lot of their worries recently. Sorry!! But you know I love you guys incredibly. My dearest Eugene for all the help and support, my precious sister Cookie who now speaks Portuguese 'nao faz mal'!!. My every so precious niece Elaine and my incredibly adorable nephew Ethan. I love you guys just to deep.
Again Eugene and then George, Rahul and Cassy for being crazy enough to be uncultured and yet beautiful enough to care. In respect and in love, and in my prayers so that we can make it, in this otherwise cultured world.
Duggie, you've mattered to much to be true. I hope that you'll always know that you are a special person, not just to me, but to all those whose paths you cross.
My dearest Dr. Manohar, thank you so much for being there to listen to me, to guide me and to enlighten me about so many lovely things in life. Thank you for your contribution to "A New Time'. It has really been a childhood dream come true to work with you. Similarly, it was a first time and also a special moment for me to have worked with my father on 'A New Time'. Feroz 'I am from Bangalore' and the ever so lovely Mufeeda, thank you for making the time and sitting to write 'A New Time' with me. Last but by no means least, my lovely, sweet, gorgeous, wonderful, always ready to sweetly fight, intelligent neighbour Cindy, for coming over and working on 'A New Time' while I sat there not k knowing a word of French. Thank you all of you, for reaching out to pray for a simple little star
My cool and always there Bharat, the ready to fight with me always Amrita and the most adorable Tashu. I could never get tired of loving you lot. Similarly, you my dear Vasu for all your weird help, time and friendship. Ritesh, for never making sense and you never will either. To all at SSI, specially Pauly for bravely going where no Java programmer has gone before (3rd party JDBC tools). Thanks to Khushi for putting up with my "I am good at Java aren't I?" lines every single day. Thank you for the lifts, sandwiches and cokes. Vandana, one day we'll sit down and not have a fight, thanks for all the help and support. Amit Kapoor, sort out your act man, glad that you're back from Germany, lets kick some arse now!!!
Tulika, I hope that one day I will stop being so tremendously fond of you. You take me for granted, let me down, fight with me and then just in a second get me to come running back to you. This has to stop, else people are going to talk about us. Oh yes, I know, I do have a very sexy voice.
Gill Peters, my dearest Pakette, you are missed and thought of often. I consider myself fortunate to have the friendship of someone as lovely, witty and wonderful as you.
Cyra, Cindy and Queenie. it's always feels good to see you'll and to spend time with you'll. Lovelyn the wind beneath my wings, the one that I am grateful to (as you always remind me). Rema, the world is still full of pleasant surprises when you're around.
Pravesh Sippy & Ashu Trikha thank you very much for making Bollywood have a heart. Thank you for all the time, support and guidance that you'll have showered me with, while handling me and my movie script. I don't think that I could have ever asked for anyone better then yourselves to go through my script. Thank you guys very much, besides that, I do like the sense of humour that flows across the room when we get together.
Fredrick and Pamella, for doing my first ever interview. It was cool and I really liked it. Thanks for being there to help me. To Marlon, Mr. Menezes, Freddy and all at GOACOM, thanks ghuys for your help and support. Alexyz, you are so wonderful to talk to, I love your cartoons and more than that love the fact that I can call you and get advise from you. My dearest Remo, I am so proud of you, and hope that I can be half as sweet as you.
My lovely Dr. Ravi and Chayya, oh yes and Rohit and Rohan I guess, for still putting up with me. Ino and Sophia for still being so sweet and lovely.
To all of you out there, I love you all. Keep the faith and know that it's all just one and the same, just different shades of the same colour.


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The Carpenter Road Fire is located 35 miles NW of Spokane and under the direction of Washington State Department of Natural Resources [WA DNR]. The fire was reportedly started on August 14, 2015, from an unknown source.
The Command is under the Rocky Mountain Incident Management Blue Team, which is a group of IMTs that come together during large scale all-hazard fire incidents. Their backgrounds include: Fire and Emergency Professionals from Local, State and Federal Land Management and Emergency Management agencies. Their Facebook page is https://www.facebook.com/RMIMTBlue?fref=ts.
Fire Status
As of today, the fire has burned 36,735 acres with firefighters successfully reaching a 18% containment status. Fire Fuels include timber and grass. It is said to be burning on Tribal, Private, State and Federal lands.
- North Section: Back burning and securing the line throughout the night.
- NW Section: High fire activity with a well established spot fire occurred. A primary dozer line is now in place.
- SE Section: Dozer link placed to link containment with main primary line. Historic Lookout has been destroyed by fire.
- Southern, Eastern Sections: Firefighters to continue with fire suppression in these areas.
Staffing includes 395 personnel assigned to this fire along with resources of 6 crews, 2 helicopters and with the assistance of 32 engines.
Firefighters Answer "The Call"
The Benton County " Billy Goats" Strike Team include a diverse number of firefighters from areas: Pullman, Benton County, Walla Walla, Franklin County and Kennewick Fire.
The Torres Contracting Crew out of Salem, Oregon handled the night shift, while some of the Management team got some much needed rest.
Others come from Federal and County agencies. Spotted in #FireImages, we have BLM, Chelan Co Fire District #1, US Forest Service, Spokane Tribe VFD and the Washington State National Guard.
Damage Assessment
Reports of 600 residences threatened, include 17 destroyed homes. Other threatened structures include 5 commercial structures and 160 other structures.
[c] 2015 The NW Fire Blog


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'Room' at the Top: Chris Stapleton Hits No. 1 on Billboard Artist 100
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Here follows my own record the story of our people since the great sundering of Ulthuan and the old and new worlds. The destruction of Ulthuan is intensely painful to think of let alone write about. Other historians may write of the great holocaust that struck our people however on this subject alone I shall henceforth remain silent.
I am the Everqueen. I am the sovereign ruler of the Asur, known in the world of men as "High Elves'. By friends and flatterers and at court I am known as Emberfire Heartfelt, ostensibly for the love I bear my people, whether under my direct rule or not. I am the fifth daughter of the fifth daughter of Alarielle the lost Everqueen of Averlorn. For this reason I am sometimes known out of court as Emberfire the Unlikely as it was never foreseen before the dark time that I would succeed as Everqueen. I bear and accept both epithets as a reminder of my own pride and humility.
I am the sole ruler of the Asur. For lost to that tragedy of which I no longer speak of was our beloved Phoenix king Finubar the Seafearer leaving no clear succession. All the best and greatest heroes of old Ulthuan are now lost. Teclis succumbed to an immense inflow of summoned power as he tried to stave off disaster with his art. Tyrion fell to the treacherous Druchii. Imrik of Caledor took to flight on his great worm Minaithnir and has never been seen since and the fate of Eltharion of Tor Yvresse is unknown. My sisters of Averlorn are all lost for they would not leave our beloved forest. I survived only because I was sailing back from the old world on a diplomatic mission to Athel Loren.
We never reached our home destination for our fleet was blown off course and for months we sailed with no clear course evident. Navigational augers no longer made sense and thus we drifted and sailed subsisting as best we could off deep sea fishing. Slowly and inexorably we started to starve and hope was all but lost when we arrived on the shores of western Elodia.
As chance would have it we happened to sail into a bay that formed a natural harbour with protection from the elements afforded by a large stretch of offshore sandbanks. Upon reaching the shore I cast augers for omens which turned out very favourable. With a prayer to Isha I selected the very spot in which we landed to build our new colony. Thus Elodia was founded and our beautiful city of New Caledor was settled. Unfortunately our Wood elf kindred decrying the lack of forested land decided to press onwards to the south and east. We wished them good fortune as their ships sailed into the horizon.
Time has passed and I fear the friendship we once shared with our woodland kin is all but forgotten. I pray that Kurnous will guide them in their lives. To our north Greenskins loom as a constant menace. My advisors at court counsel me to wage war on them but many of the more level headed suggest leaving them to their crags and chasms. Further afield the hateful druchii lurk as an ever present threat to the lives of all free folk. A dwarvern kingdom is still present to the north as are many human kingdoms, baronies, fiefdoms and bandit lairs. So many in fact it is hard to keep track of them as they rise and fall.
The first day of spring however, brings new promise. Our settlements are secure and our people are happy, well fed and prosperous. Only time will tell what lies in wait for the Asur. One thing is certain, while I live I will brook no act of hostility or incursion into Western Elodia. New Caledor will never fall and the Asur will survive and prosper. Thus I scribe to this parchment my heartfelt promise to my people.


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Replacing pen and paper is not a novel idea. You know what is? Our customizable, CRM-integrated reservation book. SevenRooms intimately ties reservations to existing guest profiles and helps you to build new ones. Let's be honest, the who is more important than the where and when.
Multi-location Management.
Have multiple locations? No problem. We'll combine all reservation data into a single profile for a unified view of the customer, and make it easily accessible.
Mobile & Web Access 24/7.
Stay connected to your reservation book with our super sleek web portal, and on-the-go with our idiot-proof iPad and iPhone apps.
Automated Reporting & Alerts.
If you are anti-electronics, that's fine too--we'll deliver automated pre-service summaries, close out reports and customizable system alerts to always keep you in the loop.
"We can finally service our clients needs and preferences based on past experiences and guest profiles we have built in SevenRooms"- Jordan Mazuryk, Cosmopolitan Las Vegas
Front Of House
Intelligent In-Service App
Treat every guest like a regular on the regular.
There's more to a host stand than simply seating guests, so we created a system that powers better decision making on-the-fly.
Guest profiles.
Switch from reactive to proactive service with rich guest profiles that track everything from allergies to guest preferences and reservation history. Long gone are the days of the endless "notes" field.
In-service alerts.
Did your super-VIP just check-in? Did table 21 just order a $300 bottle of wine? We'll send an alert so the GM knows where to go next.
Our native iPad app is lightning fast and continues to work even when the spotty WiFi goes down.
"SevenRooms has exceeded our expectations by improving venue operations and driving immense sales with its rich CRM."- Natalie Brown, Live Nation
Performance Enhancing Reservation Request Management
Nobody likes to play a game of telephone.
One single place that consolidates and tracks every action taken on inbound requests across your entire team. Exchange messages, send attachments and make reservation offers within this dynamic hub, ensuring timely and seamless communication with guests. Never be in the dark about what was said, what was offered, or who still needs a response. Remember, the guest experience starts the moment they reach out to your team.
"SevenRooms keeps all reservation requests organized and in one place. This cuts down on the back and forth and allows me to give quick responses. It is super user friendly and a great system!"- Cyrus Burner, Major Food Group
A Personalized Experience For Every Guest, Every Visit.
Guest data that finally makes cents.
Did one of your regulars go to your sister property in Miami last week? He did. He also ordered the $300 Cabernet, and FYI, he's allergic to gluten. Tracking these small but imperative details ensures a seamless experience across all your properties from the moment they arrive to the moment they sign the check, and most importantly, keeps them coming back.
Cross-property profiles.
With a unified guest profile across all sister properties, your team is powered with knowledge to ensure your regulars are regulars everywhere.
Slice, dice & export.
Use our search and filtering tools to run customized reports on your database or create targeted marketing campaigns. No more messy excel sheets on your desktop.
Custom profile management.
From the get go, we track over 100 guest data points including total spend and visits across your properties. That's just the beginning--this system is yours to customize with client codes and reservation tags to be used globally across the group or specific to a location.
Database cleanup.
We have an entire team of nerds on hand to apply really complex scrubbing techniques to your existing database. We'll clean it up, remove the dupes and run an import to make it seem like you've had SevenRooms forever.
"SevenRooms allows us to give our VIP clients a more curated experience on a multi-city and nationwide basis by providing us with the tools to track and understand our top client's needs on a personal, human, level. Information is power, and that is exactly what SevenRooms has enabled us to obtain."- Teresa Panico, LDV Hospitality
Acquire new customers, engage your existing ones
You call the shots.
Rules-based reservation book.
Setup recurring or one-time rules to grant segmented and tiered access to your reservation book across our network or within your own. Decide who receives special access and first dibs on prime time reservations.
Reservation widgets.
A widget placed on your website or social media pages creates an easy channel to push reservations, accept requests and add custom perks. Offer private reservation inventory to VIPs and neighborhood locals using our reservation rules.
Advanced email marketing.
Want to see a list of your most loyal guests across locations? Or all upcoming special occasions for your guests in January? How about re-engaging regulars who haven't visited in 3 months? Finally, this rich data is available to you with a couple clicks.
Corporate networking.
Attract high-value guests from our carefully curated network of partners who book via our private platform. Partners range from local hotel concierges, nationally acclaimed private membership groups and Fortune 500 companies.
Open API's.
As an API enabled platform, we allow you to market on 3rd party channels and plug directly into our system. Why should you be limited? The more, the merrier.
"SevenRooms has transformed our Live Nation corporate marketing efforts. I would highly recommend SevenRooms to any start-up to large corporation."- Natalie Brown, Live Nation
Prioritize Your Standby Guests
Good things come to those who wait.
Would you tell Warren Buffett to grab a drink at a bar for an hour? Didn't think so. When adding to the waitlist, we'll show you guest profile details before you quote a wait time. From there, you can send automated, yet customizable text messages to keep the guest informed as their lucky moment approaches.
POS Integration
Automated Profile Building
Don't lift a finger.
It's putting numbers to a face. It's knowing client preferences without asking. We magically track spend data and order history so you don't have to. By connecting the POS, your front-of-house and marketing teams will love you... and so will your guests.
"Since SevenRooms integrates with our POS system, final spends are automatically saved and connected to guest profiles. Valuable data gets stored permanently in our CRM."- Cameron Fulks, DrYnk
Your Digital Reservation Assistant
Siri is so 2010.
AVA books your reservations on-the-go via email and confirms it in real time. She's smart, too, using natural language processing to ensure a flawless booking process. With no learning required and only one email, your reservation is on the books instantly.
"With one e-mail, AVA confirms reservations in seconds whether I am at the gym, in a meeting or traveling internationally. No exaggeration, my girl AVA is a life saver."- Laurent Baud, Tao Strategic


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The Boryspil International Airport, the largest airport in Ukraine, targets to double its passenger traffic by 2023, Pavel Ryabykyn, the chairman of Boryspil, said on Thursday.
"This year, the airport will serve 10 million passengers. We expect the traffic will double, with most of the passengers coming from Asia," Ryabykyn said during the Ukrainian Infrastructure Forum in Kiev.
To provide better services and attract more passengers, the authorities of Boryspil plan to invest about 224 million U.S. dollars within the next five years into the modernization of the airport's infrastructure, he said.
In particular, the money will go to upgrade the low-cost flights and construct a rail connection between the airport and the Ukrainian capital.
Last year, Boryspil has increased its passenger turnover by 18 percent to a record of 8.65 million people mainly due to attracting new transit passengers.
Located 20 km southeast of Kiev, Boryspil is the busiest airport in the country, covering about 67 percent of the passenger traffic in Ukraine. It provides service to 50 international and domestic airlines operating on about 100 routes.


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Gretchen Healey
Namibia is fast becoming a destination of choice for the savvy Africa traveler due to the country's staggering beauty, a legacy of passionate conservation, and friendly, welcoming people. With 12 trips to Africa to her credit, "Africa Hand" and photojournalist Gretchen Healey shares her top five adventures not to be missed.
Okonjima is the home of the AfriCat foundation, an organization focused on long-term conservation of large carnivores in Namibia. It is a few hours' drive northeast from Windhoek, Namibia's capital, and allows travelers to get their feet wet with game viewing as well as providing a fascinating environmental education experience. There are multiple types of lodging available, from camping to luxurious private villas.
While AfriCat is primarily a rescue and release program, there are several 'ambassador' cheetahs that reside there full time. Visiting these cats can be a very rewarding experience, especially for keen photographers. Guests are able to get very close to the cats; hearing their vocalizations was one of the most interesting aspects of our time with them.
In addition to education, Okonjima offers game drives, night viewing from a hide, and bushman walks. One highlight of my visit was tracking and finding cheetah on foot. It isn't strenuous and the cheetahs are habituated to humans, but it is not without risk – or reward. The vantage point on the ground is quite different from being in a vehicle.
Etosha National Park is probably Namibia's most famous, and rightfully so. It is vast at over 8,500 square miles and is home to more than 114 mammal species and 340 bird species. The park is dotted with waterholes, giving visitors a unique opportunity to see many different animals gathered in a small area sharing the same resources. It gave a vehicle-full of very seasoned safari goers pause to see elephants, oryx, springbok, ostrich and zebra milling around the same waterhole, while a pair of lazy lions were splayed in the shade nearby – too hot to be bothered to move.
The Park's other feature is the Etosha Pan. Three million years ago it was an enormous but shallow lake, but the Kunene River changed course and reduced it to a series of salt pans. If the lake still existed, it would be the third largest on Earth.
As it stands now, the pans fill only once approximately every 7 years. During our visit, it was bone dry, which was nice, as visitors can drive a small distance on to the pan. Standing on the pan gives the impression of being on the surface of the moon.
Damaraland is an area defined by stunning and changeable rock formations. Rock walls of burnt orange escort travelers through the desert, broken up by building-high piles of boulders. While in this area a visit to Twyfelfontein – arguably the best collection of petroglyphs (rock engravings) in Africa – should not be missed.
The site is an ancient graffiti museum. There are depictions of land animals, as well as hand and foot prints and abstract art littered over acres of terrain. Perhaps even more amazing are the engravings of sea animals, such as seals and penguins, given that the petroglyphs are well inland from the ocean. It's an astonishing collection set in an incredibly dry, and therefore unlikely, place for people to have settled for 7,000 years.
The highlight of Damaraland was searching for desert-adapted elephants. These are not a different species from the African elephant, they have specially adapted to exceptionally dry conditions. The most obvious of these adaptations is their ability to go
without water for several days, as well as their eating habits – they are much less destructive when eating vegetation than their non-desert dwelling counterparts.
We 'river surfed' (drove quite quickly through the sands of an ephemeral riverbed) looking for the elusive elephants and managed to spot two herds that had come together and were headed for water. The unique part of viewing these animals was that we were the only vehicle - in the middle of nowhere - and there wasn't a national park border anywhere nearby. It was an intimate and incredibly special experience.
Skeleton Coast/Sossusvlei
Namibia's formally protected coastline, dubbed the Skeleton Coast, is named after the beached whale and seal bones which covered the shore when the whaling industry was still active,
as well as for the skeletal shipwrecks caused by rocks offshore in the fog. The Namib-Skeleton Coast National Park is the eighth largest protected area in the world and the largest park in Africa. A few nights spent in the coastal towns of Swakopmund or Walvis Bay give travelers the chance to see the hundreds of thousands of seals at Cape Cross, view some of the coast's many shipwrecks, take a dolphin cruise or to jump into some of the dune-based adrenaline activities like quad biking and sand boarding.
We did our quad biking further inland at Sossusvlei Desert Lodge.
Quad biking (riding 4-wheel ATV's) is quite a bit of fun and gets the adrenaline going. However, the real magic in this area is the chance to see Namibia's night skies. With virtually no light pollution, the universe is a riot of color and light.
The lodge has a resident astronomer along with an observatory. We could see the Large Magellenic Cloud and the Milky Way with the naked eye, and the telescope allowed us to view things like the Tarantula Nebula, the Jewelbox, and Saturn. The night sky here is among the darkest ever measured.
We spent the next day in Sossusvlei, surrounded by 60-story dunes that are some of the tallest on Earth. This requires an early wake-up call, but when the sun rises and turns the dunes an impossible shade of red, all is forgotten. A typical day here involves driving through the Park and taking photographs, as well as taking a hike up one of the dunes. We climbed the dune directly behind Sossusvlei Pan, which was filled with water (an event that occurs only once a decade).
It was an exhilarating but tiring climb along the dune's crest to the top, and a two minute run down its steep face to get down. Thankfully, our guides had prepared a hearty bush breakfast for us to recover from the exercise.
The 'sundowner' drink is a much celebrated tradition on every trip I take to Africa. On an afternoon game drive, you sit unaware that your guide is taking you somewhere special only he knows about. The vehicle rolls to a stop at an improbably scenic spot and as you get out to stretch a bit, you realize there is a cocktail box magically appearing. Voila - you're about to enjoy the privilege of taking time out of your day for a drink and to watch the sun set. G&T, anyone?
I did my duty and observed this excellent tradition every day of the trip, but the most memorable sundowner was our last night in the bush at Wolwedans Dunes Lodge in the NamibRand Nature Reserve. The desert landscape is incredibly beautiful. It is almost Martian-like, with stark mountains and red sands. Cocktails in hand, perched above a plain dotted with enigmatic barren patches of land dubbed 'fairy circles', we learned that these unexplained formations have many theories as to their existence – they may be caused by poisonous vegetation or created by termites. The locals believe that they are footprints of the gods. Whatever their origin, they complete this haunting landscape perfectly.
Getting there: South African Airways has daily flights from JFK and Dulles direct to Johannesburg, South Africa. Connections are available to Windhoek, Namibia's capital. Alternatively, major carriers route via Europe and Johannesburg, where a layover may help reduce potential jet lag. Air Namibia has direct flights to Windhoek from Frankfurt, Germany.
Recommended operators: Denver-based Africa Adventure Consultants (866-778-1089) specializes in small-group and custom African safaris, including to Namibia. They can create an itinerary to suit your needs, whether you choose basic accommodations or luxury, or a driving or flying safari. It's possible to rent a vehicle for a self-drive safari, but make sure to work with a local operator such as Ultimate Safaris (US phone number 888-993-1006) on your route and proper outfitting – a road journey is not to be undertaken lightly.
More info: For general country information visit the Namibia Tourism Board website, or purchase the excellent Bradt Guide to Namibia.
Copyright © 2018 Unleaded Group. Website design and development by Unleaded Group


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May 16, 2001
THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF ILLINOIS, PLAINTIFF-APPELLEE,v.DOMINICK STEPPAN, DEFENDANT-APPELLANT.
Appeal from the Circuit Court of Cook County. No. 97 CR 822 Honorable Michael B. Bolan, Judge Presiding.
The opinion of the court was delivered by: Presiding Justice Hall
Not Released For Publication
THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF ILLINOIS, PLAINTIFF-APPELLEE,v.DOMINICK STEPPAN, DEFENDANT-APPELLANT.
Appeal from the Circuit Court of Cook County. No. 97 CR 822 Honorable Michael B. Bolan, Judge Presiding.
Following a bench trial, the defendant, Dominick Steppan, was found guilty of aggravated battery with a firearm (720 ILCS 5/12-4.2(a)(1) (West 1996)), armed violence (720 ILCS 5/33A-2(West 1996)), and aggravated battery (720 ILCS 5/12-4(a) (West 1996)). The defendant was sentenced to 26 years' imprisonment in the Department of Corrections on the aggravated battery with a firearm conviction.
The defendant appeals, raising the following issues: (1) whether he was denied the effective assistance of counsel by his trial attorney's failure to request a fitness hearing prior to trial; (2) whether the trial court erred in retroactively finding him fit to stand trial; (3) whether the trial court erred in imposing sentence on his aggravated battery with a firearm conviction; and (4) whether the case must be remanded for sentencing. We affirm in part, vacate in part and remand for further proceedings.
The defendant was indicted and charged with the offenses of attempted first degree murder, aggravated battery with a firearm, two counts of armed violence, and three counts of aggravated battery, all in connection with the shooting of Charles Cox. Prior to trial, the State dismissed one of the armed violence counts and two of the aggravated battery counts.
At the defendant's bench trial, Cox testified that on December 23, 1996, he had been drinking at a bar with the defendant and Dave Siecky. Cox accepted a ride from the defendant and Siecky. Outside the bar, they were joined by a third man. The four men drove to an alley which, Cox subsequently learned, was behind the defendant's house. The defendant and Siecky went into the house. Approximately 15 minutes later, the defendant came out of the house and ordered Cox out of the car. When Cox exited the car, the defendant shot him in his right thigh, saying, "Merry Christmas, m----- f-----." Cox was eventually discovered and transported to a hospital. The defendant did not testify.
The trial court acquitted the defendant of attempted first degree murder and found him guilty of aggravated battery with a firearm, armed violence, and aggravated battery. The trial court also found that the aggravated battery conviction merged with the armed violence conviction.
Defense counsel filed a motion for a judgment of acquittal or, in the alternative, a new trial. He also filed a motion seeking to withdraw as counsel for the defendant on the basis that the defendant would not communicate or cooperate with him. The defendant filed a motion alleging that he had received ineffective assistance of counsel. Inter alia, the defendant alleged that defense counsel did not request a fitness hearing for the defendant even though he was aware that the defendant was taking psychotropic medication and was receiving out- patient treatment for a psychological disorder.
The trial court granted defense counsel's motion to withdraw and appointed the public defender to represent the defendant. The trial court also ordered that the defendant be examined to determine his fitness for trial and for sentencing. Subsequently, private counsel filed an appearance on behalf of the defendant.
Pursuant to the trial court's order, the defendant was examined by Dr. Stafford Christopher Henry, a forensic psychiatrist. Based upon his examination of the defendant, Dr. Henry concluded that the defendant was not currently fit for sentencing. In the course of his examination, Dr. Henry observed that the defendant initially had difficulty enumerating the charges of which he had been found guilty. The defendant described the trial judge as "sounding like a VCR going very fast" and that he could not understand what the trial judge was saying. The defendant described his mental state on the day of the trial as "confused and garbled." At one point he believed that a witness who was testifying was actually using the voice of another. When he attempted to bring his psychotic mental state to the attention of his attorney, the attorney told him to "shut-up."
The defendant told Dr. Henry that since the age of 13 he had heard voices commanding him to hurt himself. He experienced an auditory hallucination approximately four days before the trial. During the trial, he heard voices saying "there is no justice and to get out." The defendant admitted to a long history of depressive symptomatology and stated that he was currently and actively suicidal. At the time of the examination, the defendant was taking Depakote, Chlorpromazine and cithium carbonate.
Dr. Henry diagnosed the defendant as suffering from a bipolar affective disorder, a personality disorder not otherwise specified with antisocial features, alcohol dependence, and attention deficit disorder. In Dr. Henry's opinion, the defendant was unfit for sentencing and was subject to involuntary admission. However, Dr. Henry was unable to render an opinion at that time as to whether the defendant had been fit to stand trial, due to the defendant's current inability to discuss his thoughts and behavior at the trial as well as the fact that the doctor had not yet received the defendant's medical records which would provide information regarding his mental state at the time of his trial.
The defendant was placed in the custody of the mental health department and sent to the Elgin Mental Health Center. After treatment, the staff at Elgin concluded that the defendant was fit for sentencing with medication. After examining the defendant, Dr. Henry agreed that the defendant was fit for sentencing with medication. The defendant was currently taking lithium and Depakote for mood vacillations and impulsivity, and Thorazine for nervousness, agitation, irritability and impulsivity.
On September 2, 1999, following a hearing, the trial court found the defendant fit for sentencing with medication. However, the trial court ordered that the defendant be examined to determine whether he had been fit to stand trial.
At the defendant's October 26, 1999, fitness for trial hearing, Dr. Henry testified as follows.
Dr. Henry examined the defendant on September 28, 1999. During the examination, the defendant attempted to focus on his belief that he had received inadequate representation at his trial. One of the traits of the antisocial personality disorder that the defendant suffered from was deceitfulness. Dr. Henry noted several instances in which the defendant had been deceitful. The defendant stated that he had been an alcoholic since age 13 and had a long history of alcohol dependence. However, in his Cermak Health Service records, the defendant described himself as a "social drinker." When the doctor confronted him about the discrepancy, the defendant responded that he lied because he did not like going to meetings. The defendant also told Dr. Henry that he drank alcohol repeatedly in the weeks preceding the trial as well as during the trial itself. He even secreted alcohol on his person so that he could drink during the trial. However, he told the probation department in connection with its social investigation that he had last consumed alcohol one year ago and had been sober ever since. A pivotal factor in Dr. Henry's conclusion that the defendant was unfit for sentencing was the defendant's suicidal feelings. However, upon his admission to Elgin, the defendant reported that his thoughts of suicide were fleeting and were nothing serious. In addition, the defendant had only been at Elgin for 21 days when he was deemed fit to be sentenced; in Dr. Henry's experience, people were generally at Elgin for a significant amount of time and that a shorter stay was not common.
Dr. Henry further testified that the defendant's initial recollection of his trial was confused and garbled but, upon further questioning, he was able to provide details about what he remembered occurring at the time of his trial. He was aware that he had been offered a plea bargain of two years in exchange for a plea of guilty to a lesser charge and that he had refused the offer because he had not committed the crime. The defendant also recalled specific exchanges with his attorney; how he tried to bring certain matters to his attorney's attention, such as the existence of two witnesses he wanted his attorney to call and the fact that he was on psychotropic medication. He also recalled the testimony of a witness and his response to it.
One of the documents Dr. Henry utilized in reaching his conclusion was the transcript of the proceeding wherein the defendant elected to waive a jury trial in favor of a bench trial. Dr. Henry read into the record the following colloquy which had occurred at that proceeding:
"'THE COURT: Let the record reflect we are in the Judge's chambers because we have a jury in the courtroom in the presence of the Defendant, his attorney, and the Prosecutors in this case.
Your lawyer indicated to me, Mr. Steppan, that you are asking, waiving the right to trial by jury and are proceeding to trial by the Court. Realize that, before you do that, the right to trial by jury is one that is guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States, and it consists of 12 persons deciding whether or not you are guilty, and so if you decide to have the case tried by the Judge, you give up a constitutional right. Do you understand that?
THE DEFENDANT: Yes, sir.
THE COURT: And there are no promises or considerations made?
THE DEFENDANT: From nobody, from nobody, no, sir; it is my choice. This is ...
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Peek into the fragrant life of Danielle Roska. After waking up to the "fresh air" linen smell she sprays on her sheets, she slips on vanilla-scented slippers and heads to the kitchen, pulls a mug from her lemon-scented dish strainer and steeps a cup of tangerine tea.
Her unnaturally scented day has only just begun.
Roska grabs her strawberry-scented soap and hits the shower, moisturizes with "buttery raspberry body lotion" and finishes up with "mulled cider body cologne." Her car greets her with a fresh cucumber air freshener, and she toils at work with a mint-scented pen.


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"It was too low of a goal for to wanna be the king of rap, I wanted to be the king of rock!"
Darryl McDaniels
The legendary Darryl McDaniels AKA DMC of the iconic group RUN-DMC joins Down With The Kings on Maximum FM Hip Hop. RUN-DMC is considered by many as one of the most influential groups in the history of hip hop culture. They were the first in the genre to have a gold album and be nominated for a Grammy Award. They were the first to earn a platinum record plus so many other firsts throughout their illustrious career.
We talk about all that good stuff and more!
Check Out Radio Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with The Audman Media Network on BlogTalkRadio