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Thursday, August 27, 2009
Windmills in Schiedam
In Schiedam they're these big old windmills that're supposed to be the biggest the world. I guess you have to leave out the new modern ones to make such a claim. The mills in Schiedam were used to mill the grains to make the alcoholic drink, Jenever, a grain alcohol made with juniper berries.
There's a mill here where you can buy freshly milled flour the old fashioned way. It's wholesome stuff I use to make our pizzas, pancakes, cookies, brownies, cakes, and other things. Plus, the people working at the mill are helpful and friendly. Every May they hold an open day when you can go visit the miller for a demonstration. There's a mill that's been turned into a restaurant, and one that's a museum, a visit that includes a ride around the canals of Schiedam.
I love trees. Whenever I'm out walking in the woods, or in the city, I'm drawn to trees. They're so beautiful and solid.
Dukkha as continual state....
Dukkha is the Sanskrit word for the afflictive state of pain we find ourselves in.
Living in the Netherlands is a form of masochism for me. What else, how else can I put it. Constantly being sort of used up. Where is my energy. I don't know. Better to accept the inevitability of it all, and thereby undermine its influence.
The only way "out," or should I say "in," is a strict regimine of meditation. Tomorrow I will begin to box myself in to the discipline that brings a clausterphobic sense of relief. How else can I put it? Whenever I loose my discipline, I can feel it welling up again, the sharpness of dukkha. When I think of doing something else, there is no choice. There's nothing left for me to do but dedicate myself to refuge in the Buddha dharma.
Waking up early, prayers, hour-long meditation. Late night, the same. Otherwise, the unbearable sharpness of the pain simply won't relent. Over and over again I say to myself, my family is not here. Friends, supporters are few and far between. Stop complaining. So many people don't have their families. Untold numbers of people have less support, and live in destitution, which I do not. I can immediately think of many Tibetan friends whose families are locked away in Tibet. They risked their lives to leave Tibet; they'd be risking them again in re-entering. No way in. No way out for the aging parents, small children. My thought, the pain of separation, the loneliness I face. This, I dedicate to those who are also separated from their families. They too have felt the sharpness of this so acutely. And yet, the beauty, the genuineness of their laughter surpasses mine.
Here's the definition of one form of dukkha I found on a website:
"And what is the stress of separation from the loved? There is the case where desirable, pleasing, attractive sights, sounds, aromas, flavors, or tactile sensations do not occur to one; or one has no connection, no contact, no relationship, no interaction with those who wish one well, who wish for one's benefit, who wish for one's comfort, who wish one security from the yoke, nor with one's mother, father, brother, sister, friends, companions, or relatives. This is called the stress of separation from the loved."
Thursday, June 25, 2009
You, the Living
Two years ago in Rotterdam, before I started studying Buddhism, I saw this film. The girl in this scene is in love with the guitarist, and fantasizes their wedding. After a one-night-stand he's no where to be found. She goes searching for them, thinking they're an item, to no avail.
The Swedish director Andersson is really right on in his social commentary. You, the Living is a beautiful film. People are looking for kindness everywhere, but only running into people looking out for themselves.
I'm not cynical enough to think that everyone on the planet is too selfish to care about anyone else but themselves, because I don't think it's true.
On the other hand, Andersson's vision does speak the truth to me quite accurately. Even genuine people who'd like to express their kindness often end up missing each other. Too many people are stuck in their own narrow and problematic world to make an overture to someone else. So that even if they'd genuinely like to express kindness, they're too afraid of the "other's" unkindness to make the first step. It becomes a process of pre-emptiveness; a means of self-protection. It's a complicated mess of people out there. People are all mixed in together radiating neurosis. Almost no one is brave enough to be consistently kind to everyone he comes across. The Christian ethic of brotherly love has been watered down by one-upmanship.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
The Ground Under my Feet
Whenever I get an idea for writing these days I let it go. Maybe it's a laxity on my part. Letting go is a good practice that I need to work more on. There isn't anything we can hold onto, so it's a good idea not to try.
I don't particularly like the feeling of having no ground under my feet, but it's a feeling that comes and goes. I have almost learned to accept it completely, so that when it comes, I don't start to panic. There isn't anything wrong with being groundless, so there's no judgment involved. I can't describe it. It just is that way sometimes.
My ego would like to think that when I'm feeling groundless, I'm loosing my sense of ego, which isn't really true. My ego is still there.
When I was 15 I used to sometimes feel walking down the hallway at school in Orem, Utah, that I was walking through a tunnel. Some people might call it a feeling of being disassociated. It could have been related to all the marijuana I was smoking at the time, the acid and mushroom trips. All of that is long since gone from my system.
Anyway, I'd just like to report that life is good. In my last post I was feeling a little sorry for myself, but that's past. I have some good friends here, and I'm grateful. Sometimes I do like to pull out my violin, and think 'woe is me'. But when I do that it isn't an accurate depiction at all. Something I need to make clear. Negativity or depression is a habit that takes a long time to change, but it is possible, and I'm a testament to that. I'm still in the process of breaking that habit, which does go back more than half my life, so I think it's okay if it doesn't get turned around in one year.
Now here I am patting myself on the back for doing such a good job.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Happy Birthday!
Today is my birthday. I've been considering shutting this blog down lately, since I hardly ever write any posts, and a lot of it is negative.
It's true, though. I usually keep my birthday very quiet, informing random people, never wanting to draw attention to myself. Once, while still living in NY, I invited some friends to have drinks at a bar, and was surprised at how many people showed up.
Now that I live in the Netherlands, I approach my birthday with a growing sense of confusion every year. I never know what to do, if I should be happy, if I should plan anything, thinking, no one would come. Who would I invite, anyway.
Some people throw big bashes.
I still have a strong urge to leave the Netherlands, asap. My family is so warm and hospitable. They're so helpful and kind. And I'm so lonely here with the kids, taking them to school, and picking them up everyday, almost never having a conversation with anyone. What is the point. I'd rather be an outsider in my own culture, if I have to be an outsider, at all.
I realize there's a lot of virtue in being alone, and I should find some comfort and dignity in that.
Then, I'd really rather be successful at something, and I know I have it in me, but I came to the wrong place for that, and it still burns in me. I have to admit.
I could give up all of these things, the desire for acceptance, success, friendship, and set it out to sea in a flimsy, make shift raft.
It's quite possible that I'd be saying goodbye to the inner conflict that causes me, and people who bear the brunt of it, so much anguish.
What is the point in causing myself this misery.
If something's not there, some perceived wish or want, it simply isn't there, and then let it be, dear.
And of course, happy birthday.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Metta Sutta
The Buddha's Words on Kindness (Metta Sutta)
This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech.
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied.
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.
Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Wishing: In gladness and in saftey,
May all beings be at ease.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born,
May all beings be at ease!
Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Klaus Nomi - The Cold Song - EQ Filtered
Sunday, February 15, 2009
How to Recover from a Psychosis without Medicine
The Story of Joris van Huijstee (42)
How to Recover from a Psychosis without Medicine
Translated from the NRC Handelsblad (http://www.nrc.nl)
14/15 February 2009
After a psychosis it's as if you rise from the dead. You have to be re-born emotionally. Someone who's never had a psychosis doesn't understand what that means. There's little empathy in society for psychiatric patients. If you break your legs, someone holds the door open for you, even ten years later, but for a psychiatric patient, the door is slammed shut. It's an unbelievably hard existence. Even so, a psychosis isn't the end of the world. You can even recover using your own strength.
At a certain point, when I had a psychosis, I took things into my own hands. I didn't go in for treatment. I decided to address the problem itself: I stopped taking medicine, and took the long road toward independence. You take medicine for your surroundings; you look like you fit in, but that's only on the outside.
The pharmaceuticals have a lot of influence in psychiatric healthcare. It's slowly become this way over the past twenty years. Psychiatrists used to look at the symptoms of an illness, and then they'd give a diagnosis. These days, they mostly ask themselves: What can I prescribe? I think it's important that people who experience the same things that I have realize that you can also recover naturally. I think that many patients yearn for a life without medication. The majority of the psychiatrists will say that you can't recover, but I haven't taken medication in 15 years, and I also haven't been depressed in 15 years.
The psychosis manifested itself in 1990 during a period of heavy drug and alcohol use. For years I blackened my lungs with cigarettes and marijuana. I got drunk when I was 15 for the first time. I drank more than the others, and I always stayed longer at parties, instead of going home to study for my exams. When I was 24 it was as if my brain slowly opened a door to a past that I'd always kept closed. As a child I experienced trauma that I repressed for years that came back then like a boomerang.
I was thrown into the grow-up world early on. I lived in a foster home for five years, from the time I was six-years-old, because my parents had relationship problems. I was abused there by the teenage son of the family and his friend. For a long time it seemed like a taboo subject. I came to a still-stand emotionally when I was six. When I was 24 I started to re-experience the trauma. I had an identity crisis. There were times when I didn't know my own name anymore.
A psychosis is a degenerative process. Your mind actually walks off, separates from the body. You think irrationally, fantasy and reality are no longer separable. My mind couldn't bear the physical re-experiencing, and that manifested itself in angst. I was scared of everything all day long. I'd never experienced that before.
I was committed for a year to a psychiatric hospital. Everyone in such a hospital has a damaged child inside of himself. I didn't want to acknowledge the memories of the fearful boy in the crevices of my memory. My treatment consisted of talk-therapy, working with clay, and painting. I also got anti-psychotics. The intention is that you gradually go off the medicine, but they usually have side effects that need to be counter-acted with more medicine, so that, after half a year, you're swallowing five pills in the morning, and five at night.
I read that 10 percent of the people on these medicines are chemically "happy." They lead a so-called happy life, but in reality the chemicals paralyze part of your nervous system. It's not a cure. The side effects bring new suffering with them. Medicine makes you cynical, bitter, and paranoid. You can become depressed from them, and even become psychotic. On top of it all, the medicines always come with a warning that if you stop taking them, your symptoms will return even worse than before. Nine out of ten patients relapse sooner or later. They have a subscription to the institution, and are dependent on medicine.
You can ask yourself if medicine serves the patient or the pharmaceuticals. Their interests are at odds with each other. I'm not suggesting that everyone should stop taking his medicine, but that once you're in its clutches, it's difficult to break free. If people know about your psychiatric background, and you have bags under your eyes, then they think it's from the medicine, but with someone else they think, he just didn't get enough sleep.
One of the reasons I stopped singing the institutional song is that, I think, I choose instinctively for hormone therapy. I asked the therapist for it because I had the feeling that I wouldn't make it without some extra power. Life in an institution is no walk in the park. It's a hell. In prison, at least the prisoners have the idea that they can escape. That gives them hope. Pharmaceuticals take the hope away that it's possible to live without medicine. Some patients can't cope with reality. It would be good if they added hormone therapy to the medicine to give the patients strength. They could derive some hope from it, and the feeling that there's been a stay of execution.
During therapy I learned to talk about my fears. You get a handle on them so that you can register and analyze them, but re-living them comes later. But I wasn't cured when I came out of the hospital. I got the idea that I had Aspergers-syndrome, a form of autism. There were many signals that pointed in that direction. The conclusion was that they couldn't rule Aspergers out, but the therapists weren't interested in the diagnosis since there wasn't much they could do for me as an adult, they said. They only wanted to give me chemical medicines. I avoided this. I left and decided to pave my own way.
It was a road with thousands of incremental steps. I sometimes say, I didn't cry a thousand tears at once, but cried one tear a thousand times. It was a question of perseverance. My theory is that mental illness stems from diseased organs. The mental health sector sees things the other way around. The brain controls the body. I think that, for example, if the lungs, liver or kidneys are diseased that the blood pressure changes, and that's how psychosis occur.
If you can ensure that blackened lungs, and kidneys damaged by alcohol abuse, function normally, then it will have a positive effect on the diseased brain. That's why I stopped smoking and drinking ten years ago. In order to cure the kidney damage, I drank four or five liters of liquids per day to keep my bladder functioning well. Everyday I walked five-ten kilometers. I have a tendency to shut off into myself, but I forced myself to look forward to tomorrow. In addition, I followed various alternative and homeopathic therapies.
If you don't drink or smoke and you're not dependent on medicine, then you'll do what you need to do. You don't stay in bed as easily. After a while I got a job as a telemarketer, and I was good at it. I even won tickets to the Champion League between Ajax and AC Milan in Venice because I was the top salesperson in our department. But at a certain point, I thought, if you choose for a life without medicine, and you're critical of the influence of the pharmaceuticals on mental health, then you shouldn't be sitting on the phone selling products. You should pick up a pencil ("pick up your gloves") and write down your story to help people with similar problems.
I'd already written detective novels. Time heals a psychosis. This time I wrote an autobiographical report. Of utmost importance was the message. I wanted to express a contrary opinion. In the chapter, "Mental Illness Stems from the Body," I wrote about how I found my way toward recovery.
That's cost me a lot of energy the past several years. I haven't made it big in society, which is unfortunate. But, first things first. I live on government assistance, write books, give Dutch lessons to asylum seekers, and private Dutch lessons to foreigners. One day I'd like to generate my own income. If my book, now only available online, is downloaded a lot, perhaps I'll find a publisher. I'm driven, and I would like to be successful in life. I'm not scared that the psychosis will come back. I know how to survive.
Joris van Huijstee's books can be downloaded online for free (in Dutch) at http//:www.tijdgeneest.nl.
Friday, January 23, 2009
The International Film Festival Rotterdam
Yesterday afternoon at the International Film Festival Rotterdam I was reminded once again that I'd rather be at Sundance, which is a film festival in Utah that runs about the same time as Rotterdam. Can't be two places at once.
Last year I really enjoyed myself at the Rotterdam festival, seeing something like 25 films. It was pretty relaxed. I got my tickets on time, and didn't run into any problems.
This year I don't really have the drive to go there. There seem to be fewer films I really want to see. I wrote two different short articles for two English language publications here in the Netherlands in anticipation of a great time. But of course, you can never repeat anything. Life is in constant flux, so there's no going back to a better, happier time. Maybe my spirit will change, and I'll get excited about this year's festival.
It took me over an hour yesterday to get my tickets and collect my Tijgerpas, which gives you a discount on films. First I stood in the wrong line for twenty minutes before some nice old Dutch woman informed me that I needed to be in the other line. So then I went to that line and waited for another twenty minutes. Then I went back to the original line, and waited for another twenty minutes. The staff told me that I should've come earlier if I wanted to be on time for my film, and wouldn't refund my ticket.
By the time I got to the film I went there to see it was halfway finished.
"Everybody Dies but Me," is the title of the film by the 24-year-old Russian film maker, Valeria Gaïa Germanica.
Perhaps I missed all of the more humanistic, character building bits in the first 45 minutes. What I saw was an exercise in deflation.
My original motivation for going to the film was to reflect on my own early wild teenage years of drinking and getting into trouble. It made me realize that the rocky times I experienced as a teen were really quite sweet and quaint in comparison to what many girls are experiencing today.
The first word that pops into my head is "crass." The characters are harsh, hardened and mean at a very young age. The only tenderness or glimpse of vulnerability the film maker lets us see of the main protagonist is at the very end when she breaks down in sobs. Even here she draws away quickly, and the film ends.
I got the impression that the film maker was reflecting her own experience, and that it was probably too painful and confrontational for her to show the pain of her characters. That's one of the the problems with using your own unpolished material as the stuff of narrative. You can't face the pain yourself, and so you block it out, and that comes out in your work. There's always something missing that you intentionally leave out as a self-protective mechansim.
Perhaps it's the youth and inexperience of the film maker that prevents her from portraying any nuance in her characters. She strips them down to their base motivations. One of the actresses has a cute kind of vulnerability to her. She seems to be portraying herself in this case, and not to be playing a role. The other two girls are thin, young, and precocious in their short, tight pleated minis.
I did enjoy seeing shots of Russian youth walking down the hallways of their school in jeans. That was about all I enjoyed in this film. The young extras walking or racing past in their new clothes. It gave me a glimpse of what kids are like in Russia, just regular kids going to school.
When I walked into the film one of the girls (the one who cries at the end) is undergoing disciplinary measures by her parents, who are pushed to the brink of their neurosis by their only child. I'm pretty sure the father says something like, "Your not hanging out with those sluts anymore.... I'm not even going to hit you....," whereupon the girl starts banging the floor, "Daddy, don't hit me! Please!" she shouts.
In an attempt to save their daughter from becoming a single mother and a high school dropout with no future, her father starts escorting her to and from school. This is a source of mortification for the young woman, who's concerned that her image is being tarnished.
She isn't too far off the mark, since it is for this very reason that her two best friends dump her, and make plans to go to a disco on their own. The two girls are concerned with impressing a group of cool older girls, and don't want to be hampered in the process by their uncool friend. "They'll smash our faces in if we're seen with HER!" is their rational for dumping their girlfriend.
Under lock and key, the outcast girl is determined not to miss the festivities, and schemes to escape her father's watchful eye. To this end, she decides to use and abuse the kindness of a "nerdy fat girl."
The two are depicted in an empty high school lunchroom. "Why weren't we friends before?" asks the nerd, while finishing off her meal of gooey mashed potatoes and gravy and fried liverworst. "I've never eaten here," exclaims the other.
On the afternoon of the disco, she has the nerdy girl divert her father by ringing their doorbell. As the nerd is explaining that the errant young woman had forgotten her textbook, the girl, determined to leave the house, jumps out of the window of their ground floor apartment in her pajamas. Frantically, she changes into some tight, ripped jeans, and a T-shirt in between two large green garbage dumpsters, and runs off to the party.
There's a scene of the nerdy girl waiting for her at a street corner. Of course, she doesn't show.
Meanwhile, the two other girls are drinking and smoking, all dressed up and on their way to the disco in their silver car with a red interior. When they get there, they meet the cool older girls in a dingy school bathroom. The older girls encourage one of them to chug glasses of wine while taking drags from a joint. Predictably, one of them winds up passing out on the floor while the older girls jeer at her and take photos with their mobile phones. While her friend is in the process of getting hammered, the third girl goes off to find her stud.
She spots him in the hallway of the school disco going off with her jilted friend. We already know he's a rake, since we see him the hallway of their school biting the hair of a girl, while the third girl looks on longingly. He ignores her, but she is undeterred, he's so dreamy.
The conversation goes, "Would you like to go outside.... Would you like to smoke.... What is it like being alone.... Well, you know, it sucks.... Let's go to our place.... What if I don't like it?.... You can leave."
Our place turns out to be the dank basement of an abandoned warehouse. The young stud has a special place there where young girls let him see "their naked pussies." The rejected girl goes along with him. He undresses himself hastily, then pulls of her pants. Before she knows it, she's not a virgin anymore. "How was it?" "It was never like that before," she struggles to hold back her tears, but she's a real tough girl only looking for a little acceptance from the rake, and that's that.
Her parents intercept her at the disco, but she runs off anyway, only to get the shit beaten out of her by the rake's girlfriend. "Did you fuck that whore?" the girlfriend asks the prized youth. A group of teens standby, including the rake, jeering while the girlfriend repeatedly kicks the recently deflowered girl in the stomach. They take photos with their mobile phones, and shrug their shoulders and walk away when it's all over, "Come on. The fight's over."
The nerdy girl finds her fake friend beaten to a pulp on the ground, and tries to help, uttering kind words, and helping her up. It's a wonder she can walk after being so badly beaten, but she stands up anyway and she can walk. While the nerdy girl makes attempts at soothing her, she tells her to sod off and calls her a fat cow. This is the final scene for the nerdy girl in her tight green crochet dress.
There's a scene of third girl making friends, getting high, and then making out with a new guy. They're laughing and having a good 'ol time. In fact, with her curly blond hair, slightly paunched belly, little nose, sparkly eyes, and girlish laugh, she appears to be the one redeeming character in the original trio of friends. She might just have a future. In her last scene we see her making out rather innocently on a bench in a park.
There's another, earlier scene of the wasted girl being discovered by her friend, "Come on. I saw her with him. Let's go get her!" She throws up, and passes out, gets discovered by security guards, and is ultimately carried off by her father.
The jilted girl is shown at the dinner table, snorting and scarfing up her potato salad. Her parents "Daddy will take you to the shops tomorrow, and buy you something new.... Why don't you wash up those wounds with vodka, you could get an infection.... We still love you." The daughter: "I don't care about an infection.... I hate you...." She runs off. The mother, "I think we should board up her window tonight. Do we have any wood?" Then, a scene of her crouched down, crying on her bedroom floor closes the film.
Girls are in big trouble in the Russia, and I'm sorry for them.
Monday, January 19, 2009
by Samuel Beckett
why not merely the despaired of
occasion of
is it not better abort than be barren
the hours after you are gone are so leaden
they will always start dragging too soon
the grapples clawing blindly the bed of want
bringing up the bones the old loves
sockets filled once with eyes like yours
all always is it better too soon than never
the black want splashing their faces
saying again nine days never floated the loved
nor nine months
nor nine lives
saying again
if you do not teach me I shall not learn
saying again there is a last
even of last times
last times of begging
last times of loving
of knowing not knowing pretending
a last even of last times of saying
if you do not love me I shall not be loved
if I do not love you I shall not love
the churn of stale words in the heart again
love love love thud of the old plunger
pestling the unalterable
whey of words
terrified again
of not loving
of loving and not you
of being loved and not by you
of knowing not knowing pretending
I and all the others that will love you
if they love you
unless they love you
Monday, January 12, 2009
There is a general sense of discomfort when you refer to yourself as "me," which is a very subtle discomfort. We usually don't acknowledge or notice it, because it is so subtle, and since it is there all the time, we become immune to it. There is a certain basic ambivalence there. It is like dogs, who at a certain point begin to relate to their leaches as providing security rather than imprisonment. Animals in the zoo feel the same thing. At the beginning they experienced imprisonment, but at some point this became a sense of security. We have the same kind of attitude. We have imprisoned ourselves in a certain way, but at the same time we feel that this imprisonment is the most secure thing we have. This me-ness or my-ness has a painful quality of imprisonment, but at the same time it also represents security rather than just pure pain. That is the situation we are in at this point. Every one of us is in that situation.
The Path is the Goal
The Collected Works of Chögyam Trungpa


text:
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Looking for Equipment Financing? Browse our leading Equipment Finance Companies.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Yay, another translation~!
Ryo did not reply to Jin's message last month! [The one where Jin called him a skinny monkey, haha!]
I wonder if YamaP replied? XD I'll go search for it~
I forgot to put up the first pic on the 16th of July! Really absent-minded T_T O, and the "so take care" is gibberish, because I don't understand what he said ["hitotsu nishi bore"], lol.. XD
WinkUP 08 August Issue
WinkUP 08 September Issue
Here's YamaP's answer to Jin's Aug message! I'll try my best to find its scan!!
I don't want to be told that by you.
If you were to join the Olympics, which event would you like to challenge?
Sprinting. I don't have much confidence though, so if I really have to join, I want to join an event which will end fast without hassle.


text:
A Scam Email with the Subject "FROM THE DESK OF MR SALIFU AHMED," was received in one of Scamdex's honeypot email accounts on Thu, 13 Mar 2008 09:09:15 -0700 and has been classified as a Advance Fee Fraud/419 Scam. The sender was salifu ahmed <email@example.com>, although it may have been spoofed.
AFRICA(BOA) OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO. ALTTERNETIVE EMAIL, Dear
Friend (TOP SECRET) I am
Mr Salifu Ahmed the director in charge of auditing and accounting
section of Bank Of Africa,(BOA) Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso in West Africa
with due respect and regard. I have decided to contact you on a business
transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the
transaction. During our investigation and auditing in this bank, my
department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to a deceased
person who died on 16th febuary 1998 in a plane crash and the fund has
been dormant in his accountwith this Bank without any claim of the fund
in our custody either from his family or relation before our discovery
to this development. Although personally, I keep this information
secret within myself to enable the whole plans and idea be Profitable
and successful during the time of execution. The said amount was U.S
$7.2M (SEVEN million TWO hundred United States dollars). Meanwhile
all the whole arrangement to put claim over this fund as the bonafide
next of kin to the deceased, get the required approval and transfer this
money to a foreign account has been put in place and directives and
needed information will be relayed to you as soon as you indicate your
interest and willingness to assist us and also benefit your self to this
great business opportunity. In fact I could have done this deal alone
but because of my position in this country as a civil servant(A
Banker),we are not allowed to operate a foreign account and would
eventually raise an eye brow on my side during the time of transfer
because I work in this bank. This is the actual reason why it will
require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the next of
kin with affidavit of trust of oath to the Bank and also present a
foreign account where he will need the money to be re-transferred into
on his request as it may be after due verification and clarification by
the correspondent branch of the bank where the whole money will be
remitted from to your own designation bank account. I will not fail
to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free. On smooth
conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 45% of the total
sum as gratification, while 55% will be for me. Please, you have been
adviced to keep "top secret" as I am still in service and intend to
retire from service after I conclude this deal with you. I will be
monitoring the whole situation here in this bank until you confirm the
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The jackal buzzard (Buteo rufofuscus, kapinhiirihaukka in Finnish) is a 45–55 cm long African bird of prey. It is endemic to South Africa (where this bird was photographed), Lesotho and Swaziland, and parts of Namibia, Mozambique and Botswana.
The adult South African jackal buzzard is strikingly plumaged. It is almost black above with a rufous tail. The primary flight feathers are blackish and the secondaries off-white, both barred with black. Below the chin and around the throat is mainly chestnut, and the rest of the underparts and the underwing coverts are rich rufous. The flight feathers from below are white, tipped with black to form a dark trailing edge to the wing.


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The Lark Menuhin style violin shoulder rest is a an age-old favourite! It is a budget shoulder rest which is lightweight and has a plush covered foam cushion making it very comfortable to use.
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A paint chip from the exterior of our house. Looks like our house has always been white. We will have to change that one day. There are too may white houses in our neighborhood.
And.........I think someone with a furry tail is living here. Reminds me of a favorite childhood book, Miss Suzy, the gray squirrel that lives in a doll house in the attic. Sorry, but Miss Suzy will have to leave soon. There are many Pecan trees in the Kudzu Jungle to live in. May not be as warm and cozy but the pitter patter of squirrel feet really bother Puppy and me.


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On a day when my PV array (6 solar panels) produced an above average output (9.84 kWh), our un-elected 3-person panel at the Iowa Utilities Board (Nick Wagner, Marion; Geri Huser, Altoona; and Elizabeth (Libby) Jacobs, West Des Moines) approved the building of the Bakken pipeline through our state. Instead of looking forward to reducing our carbon footprint, they have encouraged further use of petroleum of the dirtiest kind, fracked oil from the Bakken fields in North Dakota, a part of which is home to the Affiliated Tribes of North Dakota (Mandan, Hidatsa and Arikara).
In one of the most meaningful statements after the shameful pronouncement, Tribal elder Donald Wanatee, of the Sac and Fox community in Iowa, wearing his war bonnet, made a statement in opposition to building the pipeline. As opposition advocates said afterward, the fight to stop the pipeline is not over yet. Nearly 300 landowners in Iowa have refused the dirty money of Energy Transfer Partners so many of them are expected to fight eminent domain take-over of their farms in court. According to Wally Taylor, an attorney in the case, the legal fight will begin within 30 days at the Polk County District Court.
Filed under: Uncategorized |


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21_Day_Challenge_Continued 006, a photo by preethib7 on Flickr.
Via Flickr:
Copycat of: pinterest.com/pin/116998324/
I don't know that I have ever tried on more articles of clothing than I did for this prompt. For some reason, I just could not seem to get it right (and I tried several outfits to copy, yeesh). It still kind of felt like a fail. Kayla, I promise I'm not trying to be you, but I opted for a redo tomorrow since it was a hair day. That up next!
Dress: Francesca's
Undershirt: Downeast Basics
Lace overshirt: old
Necklace: Forever 21
Shoes: Target


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An online community focused on cutting edge issues in information systems.
Monday, November 2, 2015
2 comments:
I thought this blog did a great job of describing the problem, the solution, and the impact of the solution addressed in their article. The problem of course being fatal air accidents, and the hopeful solution ALTACAS. Above all else, efficiency is one metric companies seem to be paying the most attention to these. No company wants to have unnecessary errors, especially when those errors can lead to potential deaths. As noted in the article: "Takeoffs and landings account for 66 percent of fatal air accidents… Latest data from www.planecrashinfo.com shows 20 percent of fatal accidents occurred during takeoffs and initial climb, while 46 percent occurring during initial approach, final approach, and landing. The majority caused by human errors. " Human errors are avoidable errors, and everything should be done to prevent them when they are costing lives, thankfully that's where ALTACAS comes in. ALTACAS uses new high tech sensors to better track planes both before and after takeoff and landing. This reduces the quantity of accidents and increases safety, but as the article says this new technology has much more of an impact than just that.ReplyDelete
The first of these impacts would be the obvious increased efficiency. ALTACAS will increase the number of flights per day by reducing delay times. Think about how many times you have been delayed on the runway, stuck seemingly stuck purgatory. Since the new system can better track and organize the countless flights per day, backups and delays can be more easily avoided. This means airline companies can expect fewer delays, saving them money, and fly more planes per day, increasing their profits.
The second of these un-seen impacts is the increased profit to the airline companies due to imporved saftey. Any companies that invest in this technology and help get it implemented could immediately see improvements. As this article explains, almost every fliers main concern is getting back safely. With ALTACAS companies can advertise this improved safety, something very desirable to consumers. Coupled with the reduced delayed time, ALTACAS can increase demand significantly allowing them to increase their price per ticket, to further increase profits.
While this product initially seemed like a good idea to me, as I continued to read through this post, I became more and more concerned about the potential risks ALTACAS has. I agree with Sean that a major concern would be if this product shut down and a pilot was forced to land the plane himself. Traditionally pilots have been in control of the take off and landings of aircrafts. However, with the increased reliance on technology to perform these tasks, I fear that pilot training and or pilot familiarity with successfully executing take offs or landings would diminish significantly. Another concern I have is the potential problem of ALTACAS being hacked. Tapping into the information that ALTACAS contains could be a serious problem and the safety that was previously ensured for passengers is no longer. If a hacker obtained control of the flight path it could alter that information, leaving the pilot's track to be skewed and in a dangerous situation. Also, if a hacker made it seem as if the runway was clear for either take off or landing, but in reality it was not, this could also raise harm and cause a very dangerous accident. While I have these concerns, I do not believe that ALTACAS should not be implemented, I just feel that it needs to be taken with a grain of salt and not so heavily relied on.ReplyDelete


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Sunni DimSum
Having played this game for 9 years, there isn't a lot left for us to do in terms of quests or training. Therefore we have decided to open up our own cuss burst service ~ ( ´ ▽ ` )b
UPDATE: due to work commitments we will now operate during weekends only. Thank you for your understanding~
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Meet the team
You pay first
I pilot your account
Remove all valuable items from your account
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Change password after burst is complete
Don't rush us and be respectful
ONLY email Sunni or DimSum in game. No other alts or characters with similar names. For your own sake and safety, please pay attention to the spelling as we will not be held responsible for any incidents caused by impersonators.
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So here is the result from my Usborne party! I didn't have high expectations so I was very pleasantly surprised with what I walked away with!
This is one I was pretty pumped about! I mostly wanted it for the world atlas, but what an awesome book! The kids have already sat down with it a couple times and think it's pretty cool!
My kids love art! It's not something with struggle with homeschooling, but we don't really have a curriculum either. I'm excited to try this out with the girls...they seem pretty anxious as well!
I love their touchy-feely books...so well made!
These are big kid coloring books...who doesn't love to color right?
I think we are going to save these for Christmas!
A peek inside the books...
Super cool! Thanks a lot for opening my eyes to Usborne Liz! (I'd never heard of it before!) If anyone is interested in books and would like to take a look at this company, my sister in law and my sister both sell for them now. I can hook you up! ;)


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Now, in fairness, many of the stupid things he says are simply the result of his being inarticulate to a degree that makes George W. Bush look like Demosthenes by comparison. I continue to me amazed by the number of Americans who still haven't tumbled to the fact that ever since the first debate his utterances have generally been a semi-coherent verbal salad, full of bluster, sound and fury but usually pretty much content-free.
To some degree, this article involves the kind of "gotcha" journalism we became all too familiar with in the pages of Washington Post and the New York Times during the administration of the younger President Bush. You know the drill: the writer seizes upon things he subjectively decides (often wrongly) that a president he doesn't like has implied and treats them as if he had actually said them. Let's be very clear here: while Mr. Trump's inability to string two thoughts together coherently opens the path to a willful misrepresentation of what he said about Andrew Jackson and the Civil War, by no fair reading can he be understood to have either stated or implied that Jackson was alive when the war was fought. To suggest otherwise is as silly as it is malicious. It's a cheap shot just like the ones the liberal media thrived on during the Bush years, and any journalist unprofessional enough to take it should be ashamed .
But that doesn't mean that is what Mr. Trump actually did say shouldn't raise the eyebrows of anybody who passed American History in grammar school. It's certainly true that Jackson- a slaveholder himself- bent over backward to protect Southern sensibilities where slavery was concerned, arguably to the point of compromising the First Amendment rights of Northerners whose rhetoric on the subject he deemed inflammatory. While I can see why Mr. Trump would identify with that sort of thing, does he really think that stifling the voices of slavery's critics could have prevented secession? Is it possible that he thinks that the "irrepressible conflict" could have been repressed by what amounts to a kind of reverse political correctness?
On the other hand, slaveholder though Jackson was, and solicitous of the sensibilities of the slaveholding South, he would have no truck with secessionists. To say that his conciliatory attitude evaporated once the question of disunion arose would be an understatement. As this informative article from NPR points out, Abraham Lincoln kept a portrait of Jackson on the wall of his office, during the Civil War, and not without reason.
So does Mr. Trump truly think that the South in 1861 would have rolled over meekly in the face of this attitude toward secession and the extreme view of state's rights which led to secession? Far from "working things out" with the South, Jackson's approach would have probably been to hang Edmund Ruffin, John Calhoun, Robert Rhett and others like them, in his own phrase,"higher than Haman." If Lincoln's merely calling for troops to put down the rebellion of the seven original Confederate states caused Arkansas, North Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia to join them in secession, does Mr. Trump really think they would have been pacified by Jackson's approach?
So either way, Mr. Trump's comment is kind of ridiculous. He doubtless read an article about Jackson once and then never bothered to think about what he had read. That seems rather typical of the degree to which he's acquainted with the most basic themes of our history and constitutional heritage. That is not merely worrisome, but appalling- almost as much so as the ease with which so many Americans either manage to stay ignorant of that fact or dismiss it.
President Trump's bizarre statement about Jackson, like so many of his other bizarre statements, indicate on one hand that his ignorance of the subject matter is not absolute, but that on the other hand, his knowledge is at best superficial, and not at all internalized to the point where he can talk about the subject in a way that makes sense.


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NCAA Tournament 2014: Odds and Predictions for Final FourApril 2, 2014
There is an exciting mix of teams in this year's Final Four for the NCAA tournament.
The Florida Gators are the tournament's No. 1 overall seed and are a senior-laden team. They are set to face No. 7 seed Connecticut. The Huskies feature the tournament's best player in Shabazz Napier and are one of just two teams to beat Florida this season.
The other team to beat Florida this year is also a fellow Final Four participant: No. 2 seed Wisconsin. The Badgers are another experienced team. Although they don't feature a lot of highlight-worthy plays, they play great team basketball and are led by skilled big man Frank Kaminsky.
Bo Ryan's Badgers will face the Kentucky Wildcats. Kentucky is the lowest seed (8) in this group, but they are the most talented team. Kentucky began the year as the nation's No. 1 team due to an insanely talented group of incoming freshmen. The Wildcats struggled with consistency for much of the season, but they have peaked at the right time.
Check out the schedule these four teams will face in Arlington, and then I'll highlight how the two semifinal games are going to play out.
All Your Bracket Essentials
|National Semifinals
|Time (ET)
|Sat, April 5
|(7) Connecticut vs. (1) Florida
|6:09 p.m.
|Fla. -7
|Florida wins but doesn't cover
|Sat, April 5
|(8) Kentucky vs. (2) Wisconsin
|8:49 p.m.
|Ky. -2.5
|National Championship
|Time (ET)
|Mon, April 7
|National Championship - TBD
|9:10 p.m.
|Source: NCAA.com and VegasInsider.com
No. 7 Connecticut vs. No. 1 Florida
As I mentioned above, UConn beat Florida earlier in the season. There is no reason to use that game to predict a win by the Huskies this time around, however.
That game came way back on Dec. 2. Connecticut hosted and won 65-64 off of Napier buzzer-beater.
Things will be different this time. Connecticut will not enjoy the home court for this matchup. That alone is enough to account for a one-point difference, and it isn't going to be the biggest difference.
In the first meeting, the Gators went the final minutes without the services of their best perimeter defender, senior Scottie Wilbekin. He was forced to the sideline with an injury. Now, there is no telling if that altered the outcome of the game, but it is safe to say Napier found things a little easier without Wilbekin on the court.
This is not to suggest that Wilbekin will be able to stop Napier. Gators head coach Billy Donovan helped put this into perspective with the quote in the following tweet from The Gainesville Sun's Robbie Abreu:
Napier is going to get his points, but he is going to have to work for them, and that will be part of the central theme of this game. The physical and deep Gators are going to wear the Huskies down.
With both teams capable of playing excellent defense, the score in this one will be kept down and it will stay close. If you're looking to make a little wager, use this fact as the reason to take Connecticut and the points. These two both scored in the 60s when they first met and likely will again. That makes seven points especially valuable.
If you're looking to identify the winner, however, take Florida. The Gators will pull away by enough late that Napier won't be able to win it with a last-second shot this time.
Prediction: Florida 62, UConn 59
No. 8 Kentucky vs. No. 2 Wisconsin
Kentucky is rolling, but the Wildcats don't look like they will be at full strength. USA Today's Nicole Auerbach passed along this quote form Kentucky coach John Calipari:
The absence of the mobile big man did not slow down Kentucky in the last round. Forwards Alex Poythress and Marcus Lee came off the bench to combine for 18 points and 11 rebounds in the 75-72 victory over Michigan.
Cauley-Stein's absence may be a little more noticeable in this matchup, however, due to the Badgers' interior game led by 7-footer Frank Kaminsky.
Kaminsky has been one of the most dominant players in this tournament. He scored just eight in the Badgers' tournament opener, but Wisconsin won that game by 40, and Kaminsky played just 20 minutes.
He scored 19 points in each of his next two games and then went for 28 against Arizona in the Elite Eight.
In those last three games, he's combined to go 27-of-46 from the floor and haul in 20 rebounds.
It remains to be seen if Kentucky can slow him down. Calipari summed up his team's chances of accomplishing that task well in the following quote provided by Auerbach, saying, "We're going in a little bit blind, but I'm going to tell you, we've got good skill. We've got good size. We've got good toughness."
Kentucky has the athleticism to match up and slow down Kaminsky, but their inexperience will cost them in the end. Kaminsky is surrounded by good shooters, and he can make teams pay when shooters are left open.
Against Baylor's zone in the Sweet 16, Kaminsky dished out three assists. This will help Wisconsin maintain offensive rhythm throughout this game and Kentucky won't have the consistency to keep up.
Prediction: Wisconsin 74, Kentucky 70


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Daddy lovin'
Lane is adjusting--He has never taken a pacifier until he saw little brothers. Now he wants one too :)
sweet boy almost one week old
My mom has been helping this week (Thanks mom, you are amazing!) and left today *tear*, so I am praying for a smooth night...


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"In Iraq, shrapnel ripped through Jeremy's eye and into his brain, blinding him for life!
"Pain beyond words … seven hours of brain surgery … coma … learning to live in a world of darkness, seizures, and pain. This was what awaited Jeremy Feldbusch when he came home. It was agony, and it never got much easier.
"I write to you in this time of war because heroes like Jeremy need your help as they come home – injured and sick – from the current conflicts."
The entire letter is two pages, so I won't transcribe the whole thing. Let's just say it is two pages of suck.
A little checking shows the non-profit pays out to programs between 62% and 65% of cash donated. An A+ rating would be 80% or more.
Officer salaries for FY2009 totaled $700,301, with FY2010 salaries at 1.02 million. The executive director makes around $340,000.
What kind of pi$$es me off, too, is that "current conflicts" business.
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Sun 28 Mar 2010
the long dark bedtime of the soul
Posted by bon under coping stuff, mama-baby stuff
[29] Comments
i am heavily asleep, each time, somehow. this is not possible, and yet i would swear it true.
after three wakeups in the same night, deep sleep only occurs right in those precious three seconds before the next bloodcurdling scream of ma-mAAAA!!!! i lift my head as if from a pool of sticky cobwebs. i blink, shake. wet dog. my feet are on the floor before i know where or who i am.
Shakespeare was a pansy, or MacBeth was allegory. motherhood murders sleep. end story. curtain.
my brain finally catches up with my ears about the time i hit the door to the kids' room, and i pause. odd. it is the elder child calling, the one who for two blessed years has slept like a rock, at least until quarter to crocus each bleary morning.
i creep in, floorboards creaking. i take the little body in my arms, note both how big he suddenly is and still how small. he sobs, falls into me. i wedge myself into the toddler bed beside him, because this is the third time he has been awake. i hold him, rubbing my hand across the spacemen that dot his pajamas.
i mutter, for the third time in as many hours, bad dream honey? what happened? you tell mama.
but the horror of the unspeakable holds him in thrall. he shudders. we drift.
one of my earliest memories is a recurring dream i had around Oscar's age. a giant carnivorous dinosaur, cartoon green, would emerge from behind the giant KFC bucket that hung suspended on a pole along my tiny city's main thoroughfare. i would be driving my little red car. its enormous teeth would loom in front of my windshield, and then it would eat me.
sleep is a Pandora's Box that unlocks our fears, all the busy-ness of our minds.
it occurs to me that he may not have the words for what has unfolded in the theatre of his own head. so i ask again, differently. what scared you, buddy? it's okay, whatever it is. you give it to me. i can help. i can listen.
the little shoulders shake again. and then the deep inhale. it all tumbles out in a cry.
mommy and daddy got eaten by a shark. with big teeth. eaten up dead. and Finn died. and will Great-grandpa die soon? or Nannie? how do we know when we die anyway? and – this last with the sob of deepest fears given voice – when daddy dies, will he still be his…b-b-b-buddy?
my heart.
he is not yet four. and he is staring down the abyss.
and my answers are shreds, Kleenex to mop up a river.
love stays with us, i whisper, even after people are gone.
no, we never know how long we have, honey. i don't know when i'll die. i hope not for a long time. but i don't know. i can promise you my love will still be with you even if, someday, i'm not.
yes, Nannie will die. yes, mama too, sweetie. someday. probably not soon. people only die when their bodies are done, sweetie. sometimes that's a surprise. usually not. my body is strong, baby. i'm very lucky and healthy. just like you.
yes, usually people die when they're old.
no, Finn wasn't old. Finn died when he was just a new baby. he came early, before he was ready, sweetie. his lungs weren't strong. your lungs are GREAT. blow. see? those are some serious lungs.
yep, he's still my baby, sweetie, still a part of our family. we still love him. yes, we would love you even if you died. you'll always be my son, forever. whether we're alive or not.
yes, i miss him, sweetheart. you miss him too? i bet you do. oh, you'd share your dinosaurs with him? WOW. i think he'd have liked that, Oscar.
well, i don't really know if he liked dinosaurs. but i bet he would. he was just a baby, sweetie. he was little, very little. he had brown hair, like Josephine's, and a cute little nose like yours. just like daddy's. what did he do? well, he held mummy's finger. like this. very tight. isn't that neat? he could do that. but no, we didn't get to find out if he liked dinosaurs. i would have liked the chance to read dinosaur books with him, yes. i love to read dinosaur books to YOU.
where is he? well…um…some of his ashes are out under the maple tree in the backyard, honey, helping it grow strong. everything that dies helps other things live.
is he here? he might be, Oscar. he might be. sometimes i think that. i would like that, to believe he was here with us, in the air we breathe.
he's here though, in my heart, Oscar. feel my heart? there's love in there for all three of you, you and Josephine and Finn. my babies. no matter how big you get or how long you live. nothing takes love away. i'm sure of that.
yes, Great-grandpa loves you. no, he probably won't be eaten by sharks. mummy or daddy either. there aren't really any sharks around here, buddy. the water's too cold. i promise i won't go swimming with any sharks, okay?
yes, daddy will be your buddy as long as you live, your whole life. whether he's here or not. you're his special buddy, and he's yours. that's forever.
it's okay, sweetheart. you sleep now. it's gonna be okay.
it is true, and it is not.
i lie there in the darkness, thinking of all i do not know. whether his brother watches over us. what days are granted to us. whether it is better to lie to a not-quite-four-year-old asking about death, or tell the lonely truth: we do not know. you are loved, and yet alone. this is the human condition, the nightmare we never fully wake from.
i think of my friend Whymommy, fighting cancer for the second time in just under three years. i wonder about 3 am at her house and my heart catches. i say aloud, It is Not Fair. i feel small and stupid and unforgivably lucky, just for clinging to the belief that it somehow should be fair.
i think of my friend Sue and her sister. my coworker's dad, whose leg will be amputated tomorrow. the friend who just lost her third baby in a row.
i breathe deep into my son's tangle of sweaty curls, and unfold myself from his tiny bed.
the spacemen rise and fall peacefully, and i watch in the blue glow of the nightlight. i am remembering Finn's chest, punctured by tubes, his tiny fingers blackened from lack of oxygen, all just as beautiful to me as this boy.
your father would've called you little buddy too, i whisper to the air, just in case.
only stories comfort this oldest of aches. what do you tell yourself at 3 am? and what do you tell your kids of fear and love and loneliness, and cabbages and kings?
29 Responses to " the long dark bedtime of the soul "
LMockford says:
March 28th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Night terrors are not uncommon at this age, and true nightmares as well, especially for the imaginative child. My son had horrific nightmares following the sudden death of his baby sister.
A couple of things worked. We read a book called "Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs" by Tomie DePalma. This gave him the words to talk about death and life and endings.
The other thing that worked was teaching him lucid dreaming, wherein he could take control of his dreams. Don't like that shark? Tell him he must behave or leave the dream. You are in charge of your own dreams.
This never did work for my daughter, but my son has now taught the technique to his sons :-)
kate says:
March 28th, 2010 at 7:28 pm
E's been talking a bit about death, but he's been satisfied by my brief answers. And I lied in a few places. Again and again, I find I'm just not ready for him to know some things, so if he's satisfied with a simpler answer, I'm ok with buying some time.
I can tell he doesn't really get the concept of death, and I'm ok with that too. I hope he doesn't have to get for a long time.
slouchy says:
March 28th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
There was a time when I was sure that Jack and I were never going to get through these tearful, fearful middle of the night rendezvous. His worries fell, more or less, into three categories: 1) his parents would die and then no one would take care of him; 2) he would die eventually, and what would he see/do/be then? ("Will I see only black?"); and 3) how could the universe go on forever and ever? and how could there not be other people on other planets?
All you can do, I think, is reassure in the moment. Simple answers (or as simple as you can make them, given the question). Confidence (even if you don't feel it). In the worse case, change of subject, sometimes quite obviously: "Let's talk about something else now, Jack. Who do you think will be at Joel's birthday party on Saturday?" Or whatever.
It passed, with time. One day he just didn't wake up in the middle of the night anymore.
Love to Oscar.
Erica says:
March 28th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
Oh, Bon. Oh, Oscar. Love to you both, and I wish there were more comforting answers.
Sock Girl says:
March 28th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Oh my heart! (((Hugs to you both)))
Sally says:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
It is only me who wakes at 3am with night terrors these days. My son just wakes for boob!
What a brilliant, vivid post.
Thank you.
Julie says:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
everything that dies helps other things live.
I love this. I need this.
KYouell says:
March 29th, 2010 at 12:19 am
I don't know what to say. What good answers. I "lucky" that my kids aren't verbal enough to ask these questions yet. I think that I will share my hopes and state that they are such, but I'm not sure that my son will ever be able to articulate or contemplate such things; my daughter probably will want to tell me how things *are* instead of asking me what I think.
Hugs to you in the early morning hours, Bon.
Quadelle says:
March 29th, 2010 at 12:28 am
AJ has been waking with nightmares about tigers being in the house, which is a bit easier to handle.
Your post, though, made my cheeks wet. At 3am and other times I have wondered a lot of different things about death, motherhood, family and love. So far, no clear answers.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
March 29th, 2010 at 12:41 am
What a powerful post. [sniff!] My answers are essentially the same as yours, only sadly much less articulate. Especially early in the morning after repeated awakenings. Lots of hugs to you and Oscar.
Oh! the pool of sticky cobwebs? Brilliant! That's *exactly* what it feels like!
mamie says:
March 29th, 2010 at 12:44 am
my recurring nightmare went like this…elder brother, myself, younger brother lined up balanced precariously on the edge of the tub in our hallway bathroom. yoda stands on a yuban coffee can blocking the door. he demands that we jump from tub side onto toilet then to washstand. you fall in, you get flushed. my heart raced as i watch my big brother make it across, then goes little brother. it rests once they make it, then it is my turn…and i fall in. never had time to contemplate that….i was so worried for them…
it still goes that way on those 3 a.m. wakeups. when my mother went in last week for her scheduled knee replacement, i almost fell to the floor that morning imagining how very many things could go wrong. i know too much. i know almost every way your body can fail you and see it almost everyday. it is my loved ones that slay me…imagining the things that can happen to them. and after the surgery she was so terribly weak and small in that hospital bed, so i went all hospital on her, all business and had to play it that way or break. and now she is back to herself and so am i. for now.
it is hard not be a 'one day at a time' kinda' gal after all i have seen. i guess i will just claim it makes me more zen.
as for them…we are not quite there yet. i guess it will comes when it does.
Margaret says:
March 29th, 2010 at 1:39 am
No words.
Just tears
Margaret says:
March 29th, 2010 at 1:42 am
I taught my son about lucid dreaming, too. Some nights, it's what gets me through. Those monsters and sharks and dinosaurs and vampires cower before the dreamer's super powers! And that's just me.
thordora says:
March 29th, 2010 at 7:46 am
We have those conversations, and I think they're as much for me as they are for them. The "are you gonna die like your mommy did?" one nearly killed me, but then wasn't that bad.
Viv has bad dreams, Ros, not so sure. But we've talked about how boogeymen aren't real, even when so terribly scary. So she just comes to my bed and lays for a bit, and I hold her and let my arms tell her it's ok.
Still breaks my heart tho.
Dave says:
March 29th, 2010 at 8:39 am
Quite a thing, this post. Quite a thing, this life. Their understanding and curiosity at three is greater than we can ever understand.
misty says:
March 29th, 2010 at 9:50 am
This post is beautiful and brings tears for Oscar. Such a kind hearted little boy. And reminds me of his comments at the kitchen table. I guess he thinks about it alot.
I wish, as a mother, I could just take away all my kids' fears and worries. My shoulders are stronger, let me carry them.
Hannah says:
March 29th, 2010 at 10:32 am
We've been going through this a lot with Isaac since his grandpa died. For me, because I do believe that the soul goes on, I am able to tell him that his grandpa still sees him, still is with him, still loves him. Because I believe that, with all of my heart.
I've tried to make death not too scary; I keep stressing that it's a part of life. I don't know if I'm succeeding, but I think he's doing better – certainly the nightmares (and the acting out during the day) have stopped. The hardest thing for us was keeping our own emotions under control while trying to answer his questions. There have been a lot of tears here since Christmas.
So hard to grapple with these questions when we're adults – I marvel at the little ones finding their way through it.
Nicole says:
March 29th, 2010 at 10:52 am
Big hug. I can't imagine.
My son's kindergarten class – and there are only 15 of them – have seen, since September, two parental deaths, two nasty divorces, and one mother who has been sent to rehab out of province. The questions, the questions, that have been coming from my son. So difficult.
mayberry says:
March 29th, 2010 at 10:57 am
I've had some conversations like this – my son wanted to know why he and his sister didn't die, but their baby brother did. I think you handled it just beautifully.
Lots of love to your and all your sweet children.
Emma says:
March 29th, 2010 at 11:04 am
Wow. I just discovered your site. This is beautiful writing about what has to be one of the hardest parts about being a parent. You have a new fan. Thanks for sharing.
mary g says:
March 29th, 2010 at 11:05 am
That was beautiful; so sad and yet so hopeful at the same time and so, so right. Oscar is one lucky lad to have you for a mom.
The nightmare stage does pass, much as it seems like forever while you're there. By six or so the kids seem to have the mental agility to deal with death as 'something else' – not an immediate threat.
In fact, I don't know whether to laugh or weep about this, we told Little Stuff yesterday that her great aunt has terminal cancer and, after a short pause, she said 'Oh, well. I guess we will be going to another funeral'. Talk about a shiny, defensive wall! Her mother was like that, too, at that age, but she grew into a beautiful adult who cares deeply and shows it.
Who can figure kids.
JoC says:
March 29th, 2010 at 11:15 am
Beautiful. Sad & lovely. Warm fuzzies to you and Oscar. Thank you!!
Shawna says:
March 29th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
night terrors and nightmares in our house too. we all process so many things in our brains each and every day. some of it more difficult than others. and kids process things so differently.
such a lovely post. thanks!
anymommy says:
March 29th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
How do you write about such a tough topic so beautifully. I have no answers. Are there any answers? But love to you both.
sweetsalty kate says:
March 29th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
Ahh, Bon. When it came to these conversations, the only thing I felt strongly about was to let Evan lead. He approaches it imaginatively, then, and does his own storytelling. And I back him up. It works well. It makes me feel good. It helps him feel powerful in his world, that he can form his own story about things.
And besides. He might be right.
Mad Hatter says:
March 30th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
M feared death terribly when she was 3-4 years old. Now she has it all figured out. She told me just yesterday, "Mommy, I am going to be the last to die. You will die first. Then daddy and I will get a cat. Then Daddy will die next and then I will die last."
Needless to say, we haven't gotten into my sister's cancer with her yet other than to say that her Auntie Nellie is sick and that we may go visit soon. But it's not as if we haven't had many, many conversations about death. When it comes to her missing grandparents, we've always been frank and honest.
When my dad died, I was 7 and it didn't make sense at all. I don't think death ever can make sense until you walk through the death of a loved one. Still, every night at bedtime, I kiss M in the dark and she says, "Mommy I'll love you until I am dead and even after." The understanding? It's not there. The preoccupation? It remains.
schmutzie says:
April 2nd, 2010 at 1:59 pm
This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2010/4/2/five-star-fridays-edition-97-woof.html
thepsychobabble says:
April 3rd, 2010 at 1:02 am
This post makes me want to hold you the way you hold him. Close and tight and comforting.
I think you are doing a beautifully wonderful job of handling the mid-night rendezvous.
bobbie says:
April 6th, 2010 at 6:54 am
I don't have any answers for you but just wanted to say that I loved your post, beautifully written. I'm waiting for my kids to ask me these questions, and I really don't know what I would say but your answers are so eloquent.


text:
Limited storm chances this afternoon and big warmth building later this week!
Scattered, overnight storms have ended and the morning rush hour will be nice and dry with temperatures in the lower 70's! Heavy rain did create some isolated issues overnight with high water and local flooding, mostly east and southeast of Indianapolis. Expect a big dose of sunshine to begin your Monday, along with some very sticky air. Be sure to grab your sunglasses!
This afternoon, clouds will develop and a few showers and storms will dot central Indiana. Many areas will be dry but some spots could see a brief but heavy downpour. Any rain chances will diminish after sunset and more heat is expected in the days ahead. 90's are back and the heat indices will be quite uncomfortable through Saturday! For now, the Brickyard 400 looks very warm but dry!


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Baseball notebook: Mets get Beltran back
Mon., July 12, 2010
Carlos Beltran is back with the New York Mets and will return to the lineup immediately after the All-Star break.
Mets manager Jerry Manuel said Beltran will play center field and bat cleanup Thursday night in San Francisco. The five-time All-Star has been sidelined all season following right knee surgery in January.
Beltran, a former Spokane Indian who had been on a rehab assignment with Class-A St. Lucie, returned to Citi Field on Sunday before New York's game against the Atlanta Braves. He said he's pain-free and ready to go, but he's not sure how rusty he'll be at the outset.
Beltran's return creates an intriguing issue for Manuel regarding playing time because switch-hitter Angel Pagan has excelled as the everyday center fielder in Beltran's absence.
Four pitchers added to All-Star rosters
Pitchers Justin Verlander, Andrew Bailey and Jered Weaver have been added to the American League team for the All-Star game. Dodgers reliever Hong-Chih Kuo was added to the National League roster.
A couple of spots opened up because of a new rule – pitchers who start on Sunday are ineligible to play in Tuesday night's game. All-Stars CC Sabathia of the Yankees and Trevor Cahill started Sunday, leaving them out.
A.L. manager Joe Girardi of the Yankees selected Weaver, whose Los Angeles Angels are hosting the All-Star game. Weaver also started Sunday so he can't play, but he can take part in the festivities and be announced to the home crowd.
Kuo has been selected to replace injured Atlanta Braves outfielder Jason Heyward.
Heyward is on the 15-day disabled list because of a deep bone bruise in his left thumb. He will travel to Anaheim, Calif., where the game will be held Tuesday.
N.L. manager Charlie Manuel originally picked Braves closer Billy Wagner as a replacement, but he declined because of a sore ankle.
Astros tab Bagwell new hitting coach
Former Astros All-Star Jeff Bagwell is taking over as Houston's hitting coach after the team fired Sean Berry on Sunday.
Berry became "a victim of circumstances" as the Astros' offense has sputtered this season, general manager Ed Wade said. In 15 seasons with the Astros, the former first baseman set franchise records with 449 home runs and 1,529 RBIs. Bagwell was the National League rookie of the year in 1991, the N.L.'s most valuable player in 1994 and a four-time All-Star.
Beckett goes four innings in rehab start
Boston's Josh Beckett allowed one run and two hits while pitching four innings during a rehab start for Triple-A Pawtucket.
Beckett didn't issue any walks and struck out four, throwing 42 of 68 pitches for strikes.
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Carlos Beltran will soon get his first action of the season.
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Associated Press


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"What are you gearing up for?" Barbara Lankamp inquired one evening when we were backstage before Anne Bluethenthal's production of Pluto in Capricorn at ODC Commons. Sigh. Even in a studio of dancers in San Francisco, my style strikes a strange chord.
Ok, so I did have a really sweet hat gratuitously perched on my head. Honestly, though how could anyone part with such a whimsical,one-of-a-kind treasure from Laku? It was fashioned out of tatters from a pale pink kimono and its goofy grace automatically improved my mood.
Barbara's comment, however, was directed at my feet. I had left my leopard print slippers at a friend's house but I was sporting a new pair of the Yoga Paws. Admittedly, their austere black and gray design added a dash of Mad Max to my already eccentric warm up ensemble. As I attempted a few downward facing dogs on the slick new floors. however, I quickly appreciated their tacky assistance.
Are you eyeing a set of these eco-friendly gloves and sandals by Yoga-SYZ to ground your yoga or Pilates moves? Well then, bounce back tomorrow for my Full Throttle Walk and Roll Report on them.


text: It's been a very successful six months for Xbox, we've seen some great titles release and we have even more huge titles coming soon such as Ubisoft's Watch_Dogs, Far Cry 4 and The Division, EA's Dragon Age: Inquisition and Activision's Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare & Destiny. We're here now to celebrate the best retail games that are already available, if you don't own any of these titles then make sure you pick them up. Let's get on with the list. 5. Battlefield 4 Battlefield is arguably the most realistic war game available for consoles, its PC counterpart if one of the most played FPS titles online and it's easy to see why, it offers a better campaign than its predecessors and a 64 player online modes which can only be described as hectic. Battlefield has it all, guns, launchers, tanks, AA-guns, helicopters and planes, if that doesn't do it for you than I recommend picking up a Tamagotchi and playing that instead.


text:
Twitter Strikes Major Ad Deal With Agency Worth "Hundreds Of Millions"
The Financial Times (FT) is reporting that Twitter has struck a major deal with agency Starcom MediaVest Group (SMG), which is part of agency holding company Publicis. The deal, according to FT, is worth "hundreds of millions of dollars over a multiyear period."
SMG clients include major brands such as Burger King, Comcast-NBCU, Honda, P&G, Coke, Microsoft and many others. The deal is being characterized as a "partnership." Years ago Publicis announced something similar with Google.
As the FT points out, this announcement comes just ahead of the TV "upfront" where advertisers commit budgets to broadcast and cable TV — and may put pressure on other brands to move more money into digital or do copycat deals.
The internet is quickly encroaching on TV's ad revenue dominance, although broadcast + cable still far outstrip internet ad revenues.
Source: IAB, PwC 2012 full year report
Twitter more than any other digital entity has built a connection to TV, with many brands adopting the #hastag as a promotional tool in their television ads. That was most prominently seen during the Superbowl, where Twitter was referenced far more often than Facebook.
Twitter is now seen by many advertisers as a kind of extension or complement to TV content and brand advertising in a way that Google, Yahoo and even Facebook are currently not. That puts Twitter in a very strong position to grab more brand digital ad revenue — as evidenced by the SMG deal. The deal presumably includes both PC and mobile ad distribution.
We're listening.
Have something to say about this article? Share it with us on Facebook, Twitter or our LinkedIn Group.


text:
For sisters, time and distance don't matter. Those faces that share similar gestures and a same way of laughing, will return to look at each other with the complicity of always, intuiting everything that they don't say the words and nourishing, once again of that invisible bond that inhabits of lasting form in their hearts.
We all know that the fraternal relationship is usually a unique and exceptional support system. Our brothers and sisters are those members of the family who are most likely to coexist with us throughout the life cycle. We share with them a past, some experiences and an emotional legacy that is usually built in a particular way in the case of the sisters.
The bond between sisters brings us in an instant echo of those years of childhood inhabited by the fights for clothes, for loathing to be the greatest or for hating to be "the little one". The bond between sisters is nourished by the love that doesn't expire, that doesn't understand of distances and that worries each day the well-being of one for the other.
For its part, the most curious thing about the relationship between the sisters is that it's usually something complex during the early years of childhood. However, when maturity arrives, that relationship becomes a wonderful pillar, an exceptional alliance.
We invite you to go deeper into the subject.
The sisters, between love and rivalry
It is important to specify, first, that family relationships are very complex entities and have, as usual, their own particularities. This means that, of course, not all sisters enjoy this positive and enriching bond. However, sometimes, overcoming many of these problematic situations means initiating an adequate process of personal healing.
There is a very interesting book that delves precisely into this topic. In "Brothers and Sisters Discovering the Psychology of Companionship" by the psychologist Lara Newton, she talks about this differential perspective where, on occasions, the relationship between sisters oscillates between the rivalry and the most intense affection.
Let's look at some examples that can determine the complexity of their relationships:
-The family and educational context in which we grow can affect the relationship between the sisters (gender stereotypes, preference of one child over another …)
-In the first years, the birth order also gives to rise some difference between them. Jealousy may appear, but in turn, a protective instinct may also arise from the older sister over the smaller one.
-Growing up with one or more sisters is, in turn, going through several cycles where they mature as women, learning from each other.
Emotional support between the sisters
The years have passed and behind are those furtive readings of our sisters' secret diaries, stealing clothes from their closets or listening to their conversations on the phone. Now, we could point the finger to the place they occupy in our soul and say out loud how essential they are in our life despite the distance, even though we inhabit our personal maps with our own families, with our own projects.
Sisters, we were born from the same tree and although our branches go in different directions, our roots remain the same.
Sisters, whether we believe it or not, are skillful strategists when conferring emotional support. The union between them goes beyond the genes, they are anchors that lie rooted in the depths of a history in common that has been knitting inextricable and lasting bonds. A glance is enough so that the emotional compasses of the sisters can intuit disappointments, sorrows or illusions.
We could say almost without equivocation, that the bond with our sisters improves our quality of life by that incombustible emotional support. They bring us security, have faith in our abilities and remind us of our defects, those that we dragged from childhood and that we have not yet transformed.
The sisters are also the ones who give us the best advice and the wisest warnings, those that have no hair on the tongue and that will never shine through their falseness or their condescension. They want the best for us and we in turn, want to have that support forever, even though we sometimes argue and face certain aspects of the past.
Now, at maturity, our sisters can also make us assume an equally exciting new role: that of uncles and aunts. A moment in which this network of feelings and support widens even more, discovering us again, the great treasure of having a sister.


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text:
Gloria Phifer
The ocean lies before me, blue as the skies above.
The sand is wet beneath my feet as I step close to the shore line.
"Come out to Me." He calls.
I wade into the foam. The sand is not as smooth. Shells and pebbles are under my feet.
"Come out to Me"
Lord, you know I am not a good swimmer.
His presence comes to me. He leads me into the water and carries me into the deep.
As I lean into His Presence I am safe. I am unsinkable.
The deeper He takes me…I perceive and understand what I had not known.
"Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your water spouts Oh God." Psalm 42.7
I long to go deeper with You Lord. Away from the safety of the shore and into Your everlasting Presence.
Deeper…deeper into the ocean of Your love.


text:
Initial contact made with foreign doctors to force-feed hunger-striking prisoners
Gay concentration camps in Chechnya: Hundreds protest outside of Russian Embassy in Tel AvivAbout 600 people demonstrated across from the Russian Embassy building in Tel Aviv protesting the Kremlin's inaction towards the imprisonment of dozens from the country's LGBTQ community. The protestors blocked the street and chanted: "never again."
More than 600 people demonstrated today (Friday) outside of the Russian Embassy in Tel Aviv protesting the concentration camps for homosexual men in Chechnya. The protestors called for the Russian government to intervene in the issue within Chechnya and to stop the atrocities against members of the country's LGBTQ community.
The protestors began the demonstration by marching down Tel Aviv's HaYarkon Street towards the embassy building. They carried signs, blocked the street and chanted: "never again." The Israel Police dispersed the protestors later on.
#Chechnya: Survivor shares his story, calls on international community to stop its indifference to the #genocide - https://t.co/7CUDPQtrMZ— JerusalemOnline (@JOL_NEWS) April 28, 2017
Last month on JOL, the first images were published of the concentration camp's alleged location, where members of the Chechen LGBTQ community are sent. According to several reports, more than 100 homosexual men are being held in the concentration camp, where they are beaten, electrocuted and some have even been executed.
Found mistakes in this report? - Click Here


text:
There will be an Actorcise this Thursday the 11th from 11am - 1pm.
As always, don't just show up. Please email me if you are planning on coming, and wait for confirmation: email@example.com
$10 Actorcise - the practice of cold reading for the camera.
This Thursday, September 11th at 11am
Blanche/Rooney Studio
305 SE 3rd, 4th floor
Portland, OR 97214
(Allow 10 minutes for parking)
Ted's Classes http://pdxacted.blogspot.com/
Also. There is one spot left in my 7 week On Camera I class starting up this Thursday at 6:30pm.


text:
In order to grant anonymous access for a WCM site you only need to assign Anonymous Portal User access for User role on the corresponding library. The access rights would be inherited by all the items inside the library by default. You need to block inheritance on User role for Workflow and workflow elements, and Authoring Templates by clicking on Library resources button in front of your library in Web Content Libraries portlet.
For details of access rights for viewing a rendered item inside WCM please read the topic The access required to view a rendered item in the infocenter : http://publib.boulder.ibm.com/infocenter/wpdoc/v6r1/index.jsp?topic=/com.ibm.wp.ent.doc_v615/wcm/wcm_security_items.html


text:
I am obsessed with paranormal reality television programs.
Some nights, I plug in my earbuds and listen to Amy Allen use her psychic abilities in "Dead Files."
Amy and her retired-police-detective-partner Steve Dischiavi try to help families afflicted by the dead-but-not-dead-enough. Many times the fact of whether someone died in a house or not is held up as proof that the house may be haunted. (The premise is that if someone dies in a house, they are likely to haunt that house. If Steve finds through his research that someone once died in that house? Well. Haunted by that person. Easy-peasy-pumpkin-squeezy!)
FTR, I don't actually believe much of anything Allen claims about the dead, but I do find her sketches hilarious. In every show she meets with a sketch artist and describes the dead person/demon/thing she has encountered. Sometimes the artists are B-A-D. For example, one poor family is being stalked by this:
A Grey Alien in a wig. Or Gollum. Or the love child of Gollum and a Grey Alien wearing a wig. Or Voldemort. Actually, it looks like something I probably doodled in my 8th-grade science notebook.
"Ghost Adventures" on the Travel Channel is slightly better, if only because Zak Bagans.
But the grim reality is that I don't watch these shows for the ghosts. I watch for two reasons:
1) Eyes Closed: With clinical depression it can become difficult to fall asleep. I listen to shows like Ghost Adventures or Dead Files or Ghost Hunters in order to help drown out black thoughts like you are worthless and you deserve to be dead and nothing you do matters and my own personal favorite, you are too expensive to keep alive.
Why THESE shows? Because every step is narrated. There's no story to follow, only people describing their journeys through old places. You don't really have to watch it to follow along, and the lack of a structured narrative means that your brain doesn't have to work at following a storyline. Sleep comes for the archbishop! Eventually!
2) Eyes Open: As a creeper, I like to see the insides of other people's houses without them seeing me. As a lover of Old Things, I like to see basements of 19th century hotels. I've heard voices and hallucinated before due to meds, no big thing, so EVPs don't impress me. But seeing the dirt-floor basement of a family's 18th century farmhouse? That does things for my soul.
It might be a terrible idea to continue watching these programs. Sometimes they've led to obsessive thoughts that hey, what if I'm not mentally ill but in fact demon-possessed? Then I go back to the soothing voices of Amy and Steve.
I can get through another night.


text:
Whose Reality Is This?
Dorian Martin's SharePost about her mother's perception of the coming elections brought back powerful memories for me. Her mother had apparently heard some conversation about the 2008 election, and thought she and Dorian were on their way to vote, when in reality they were just going to the nursing home's common room.
This issue is one that needs to be addressed regularly. Most of us know, but we can easily forget that with dementia patients, it's generally easier for us - and healthier for them - if we just go with the flow, rather than try to explain "reality" to them. We have to remember that our reality is _our_reality. The dementia patients' reality is just as real to them. When we honestly think about it, each of us has a slightly different perception of reality than the person sitting right next to us. And that is, we presume, with fully functioning brains. So, why** wouldn't** a person with dementia think his or her reality is, well-real?
During my dad's decade of dementia, I never knew which reality he would be in, on any given day. Was he playing in Lawrence Welk's band? Was he a medical doctor? Was he waiting for his Ph.D. diploma to come in the mail?
My first order of business, each day, was to find out who my dad was. I was generally his office assistant, so my role was defined, if not easy. Once I talked with him a bit (assuming it was a day when he could communicate), I'd spring into action. Did he need a letter written to the mayor, or even the president? Did he need me to follow up one of his research projects he'd been asked to do? Did a general need to consult with him? Well, you get the idea.
I could have told him he was just imagining things. I could have reminded him that he was an old man in a nursing home, who'd had brain surgery, and that surgery had backfired, leaving him with dementia. But what good would that have done?
It would have made him feel diminished, if he believed me (or allowed himself to believe me). Or else, he would think I didn't want him to succeed. He'd think that I didn't want to help him.
This was during the time when his psychiatrist was insisting that I should be bringing Dad back to "reality." Sorry Doc. I was working with reality. Dad's reality.
Eventually, Dad got a new psychiatrist. One day, the doctor was looking at all the degrees and certificates hanging on the walls in Dad's room. At first, the doctor thought the medical "degree" was real. A nurse quickly straightened him out. He then asked me where I learned this technique.
I said simply, "I'm his daughter."
I learned kindness from my dad. He was an intellectual who'd had brain surgery, meant to correct a problem from a World War II brain injury. I don't believe the surgeon did anything wrong. However, probably because of old scar tissue combined with Dad's age, the result of the surgery was instant dementia.
I explained to the doctor that it would only frustrate Dad if I tried to drag him into my reality. The only reality Dad knew was in his head, and it was my job to go there; to join him in his reality and make that reality as pleasant for him as possible. I owed him no less than my best effort. This doctor nodded slowly, winked and continued on his rounds, while I got back to my work as Dad's office assistant.
To learn more about Carol, please go to www.mindingourelders.com or www.mindingoureldersblogs.com.
Carol Bradley Bursack is a veteran family caregiver who spent more than two decades caring for a total of seven elders. She is a newspaper columnist and the author of Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. Bradley Bursack is also a contributor to several books on caregiving and dementia, and is passionate about preserving the dignity of elders. Her website is www.mindingourelders.com. Follow Carol on Twitter @mindingourelder and on Facebook at Minding Our Elders.


text:
It's going to be a good day, I hope, because we have new Tom Hiddleston photos and that's always nice. Tom is finished with Kong: Skull Island promotion, which took him around the world. Last week, he was in Asia with Brie Larson and Samuel L. Jackson (Brie was posting social media photos), and now he's back in London. Last night, he attended the Empire Awards held at the Roundhouse in London. His suit was polka-dotted! I'm assuming it was Gucci, because of his big Gucci contract. Tom went to the show because he ended up winning the "Empire Hero" award, plus The Night Manager won Best TV Series. And since we know Tom loves to make awards-show speeches, I was prepared for another cringeworthy endeavor as I read his speech. But no – he seemed to keep it short and sweet:
"I'm not quite sure I deserve it to be honest. But that is probably my self criticism manifesting in front of recording cameras. It is a huge honour and I feel very grateful…All I wanted was to be an actor when I was a child and to the best I could. [I wanted] make films that people enjoyed and I feel very honoured and grateful that Empire have chosen me."
The Daily Star seems to suggest that Hiddles was making a reference to Taylor Swift and The Glorious Tiddlebanging of 2016. Possibly. In my mind, the success of Kong: Skull Island has helped Tom's post-Swifty narrative to the point where people aren't going to bring it up constantly. But Tom is an overeager puppy, and he probably thinks that he needs to make a reference to it, however oblique. Speaking of the success of Kong… it was #2 at the domestic box office this weekend, and the film has already made about $260 million domestically and internationally. It's a good-sized hit and I bet people will want to make a sequel.
Here's Hiddles talking at the Empire Awards:
Photos courtesy of WENN.