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Pages: 1
The original spam thread, and my brain child. But can I really say that if it's just general chit chat and spam?
Yes.....Yes, I can. And the last one was made by Cade, so I finally get to reclaim this.
~El Magnifico
edit: sorry, only just saw your message on Steam
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
I just realized it's been 15 years, and I never told anyone on YGOO my name. It's Anthony.
Lets game, my man.
~El Magnifico
Sup Anthony!
Do you play many games nowadays?
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
Haha, a lot. I'm a huge collector, mainly of big box PC games. Also computers...I have about 20 currently, my favorite being my current gaming rig and my Apple //e.
I need to get more games on Steam, but I have a lot on GoG. I also play Warcraft, but I've been pretty casual for the last few years since MoP.
~El Magnifico
Ah cool, I kinda ditched physical games for digital quite some time ago. I used to be a console gamer back in YGOO days but now I'm firmly on PC. I've played a lot of games over the last few years; Dota 2, Rocket League, Hearthstone, etc. But right now nothing is grabbing my attention much. I got a Switch and have played some of that and also recently got a VR headset so have been playing some VR games. 20 computers?! Absolute mad man.
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
Oddly enough, despite my history with MTG and YGO.......And the fact I love WoW, I've yet to play Hearthstone.
Most likely because it seems like a massive money sink.
~El Magnifico
It absolutely is and I kinda regret putting any money into it. It has a great client, super polished and smooth. If MTG had one like that I would be playing that for sure. It's a pretty good game but I really dislike how the development team balances the game; I played it regularly for like 2 years, but haven't played in like 4+ months now. It can never match up to the good old days when we all dueled each other on YVD and had our signature decks and stuff, I miss that a lot.
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
I liked that, plus it was entirely free.
I actually know a few people who actively still play YGO. Though considering I haven't played since 2006ish, I'd be completely lost. I still have my Scientist/Turtle deck, and have dueled some friends with old decks a few times. Think I last did that in 2009.
~El Magnifico
I used to get super into it, put on music to pump me up and treat it super seriously, I remember when we had clan wars and stuff. Ah to be a kid again with no worries or responsibilities, just logging into YGOO and caring about silly things.
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
Those were truly times to remember.
I miss the clan wars stuff, that was pretty neat. I remember being in Ivalice with NCK and that crowd.
~El Magnifico
So what've you been upto Marik? What do you do nowadays?
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
Well, I was working in a adult residential care home helping adults with mental disabilities. Currently I'm working on learning programming and going into that field.
~El Magnifico
I'm also looking at going into something new, perhaps related to Psychology. You're taking a big shift from your past career, what didn't you like about it if I may ask?
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
Well, it was mostly just something that I took because it was presented to me. I've always wanted to work with computers, honestly. I suppose either that, or animals, or something with science.
Psychology fascinates me.
~El Magnifico
I finally got Malice to respond to me by posting something other than that bunny but he didn't really seem to acknowledge me calling him Malice. Oh well. I thought he might be more receptive since I saw a post from him a couple of years ago mentioning YGOO https://www.reddit.com/r/yugioh/comment … me_advice/
Admittedly posting pictures of bunnies and then posting 'MALICE WHY WONT YOU RESPOND TO ME REEEEEEEEE' might not be the best etiquette in the world. Apparently he's becoming a vet.
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
I'm a bit surprised he hsan't been more receptive.
Considering he had mentioned it not too too long back, and was one of the last 3 to be on the website.
~El Magnifico
Yeah same. Maybe you can contact him in a more sensible way than I did at some point.
Do you have any pets?
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
Worth a shot!
Two cats, but I'd like a dog.
~El Magnifico
Yeah I've got 2 rats and a turtle, it's pretty much teenage mutant ninja turtles over here. I love dogs too so I've been doing a lot of thinking about that recently and I just paid the deposit on a puppy I'll be picking up next month. What breed do you think you'd get? Initially I wanted a Golden Retriever or a Labrador but I'm mildly allergic to dog hair/dander so in the end I decided to go with a Poodle which doesn't shed at all. It has a reputation as a frou frou dog but was actually bred to be a hunting dog and you don't NEED to cut them in the stereotypical way, so yeah I'm looking forward to that although training a puppy is going to be a nightmare.
A ninja must see underneath the underneath
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How Effective Are 'Green' Cleaners?
New Program Will Test and Recognize Top Performers
TURI, IEHA Offer Manufacturers Evidence of Effectiveness
Lowell, MA, Oct. 2, 2009—To promote cleaning products that are both green and effective, the International Executive Housekeepers Association (IEHA) and the University of Massachusetts Lowell's Toxics Use Reduction Institute (TURI) have launched a program to test and validate high performance products.
The fee-based program will test soil removal efficacy of hard-surface cleaning products—both those certified as green by third-party organizations such as Green Seal, EcoLogo, and EcoForm, as well as products with green attributes—and recognize products that perform well in standard and customized cleaning tests.
"While it is accepted that lower-toxicity, environmentally-preferable or green cleaning products are better for human health and global ecosystems, the question remains: Do such products clean well when compared to conventional or even other green products?" says Beth Risinger, CEO and Executive Director of IEHA.
Products accepted into the program will be tested using a variety of scientific methods and devices producing a detailed analysis of product performance. Manufacturers can use this information to improve their formulations as well as promote their products.
"For institutions and consumers, the value we provide is unbiased performance testing to enable product selection based on objective data rather than on anecdotal information," says Jason Marshall, laboratory director of the Toxics Use Reduction Institute at UMass Lowell. "For vendors, products that are effective cleaners will have a clear scientific basis for associated marketing claims."
IEHA and TURI are now accepting applications from manufacturers who wish to have their products evaluated. For more information on test procedures, performance benchmarks, or to apply for testing, please contact Allen P. Rathey, President, InstructionLink/JanTrain, Inc. at (208) 938-3137 or (208) 724-1508 (mobile), email@example.com.
About the Toxics Use Reduction Institute
The Toxics Use Reduction Institute (TURI) at the University of Massachusetts Lowell provides research, training, technical support, laboratory services and grant programs to reduce the use of toxic chemicals while enhancing the economic competitiveness of local businesses. The TURI Laboratory tests the performance of both industrial and janitorial cleaning products to encourage companies, institutions, and product formulators, to choose and develop safer substitutes. To learn more, visit www.turi.org/laboratory.

subset: commoncrawl


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(Available Now)
Nocturne trailer from Winlea Pictures on Vimeo.
Drama /USA/ 2017
Director: Saul Pincus
Starring: Mary Krohnert, Knickoy Robinson, Andrew Church
Writers: Saul Pincus, Mitch Magonet
A dark and strange world unfolds when an insomniac falls in love with a sleepwalker. Over-medicated and unable to sleep, Cindy pursues her mysterious co-worker Armen, a sleepwalker, complicating her plan for revenge. NOCTURNE examines the tensions between introversion and extroversion; between consciousness and unconsciousness, and how two very different people are forced to connect.


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Well First they went the microsoft way by starting the autolinks feature, now they have broken their own cardinal law..Cloaking….
Threadwatch had a post where people reported the cloaking and page stuffing that google had engaged in.
What takes the cake is that that were cloaking based on the user-agent and not IP..
Never thought that the great "G" would stoop to low level cloaking….


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Well, Deadspin readers have spoken, and after about 20 hours of voting, it wasn't particularly close: You say Mark Cuban would kick Bill Simmons' ass.
This wasn't exactly the most fair fight, considering Cuban is a former rugby player who apparently does more than just run on the treadmill while playing Madden. If we had come up with this idea earlier, we would have pit Bill against former "Curious Guy" selections Chuck Klosterman and the guy who does "The O.C." (Hey, maybe if we're bored sometime, we'll go ahead and do those too.) But we're gonna do this from now on: Bill against the world!
But congratulations to Cuban. Honestly, we suspect he could wipe the floor with both the Maloof brothers too. Final results:
Mark Cuban: 74.0 percent (835 votes)
Bill Simmons: 26.0 percent (293 votes)
Earlier: Vote: Simmons Vs. Cuban. Who Wins? [Deadspin]


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Every now and again I miss grad school, despite the fact that my fondest memories involved drinking, watching Lost before it became completely godawful, or some combination thereof. Still, the urge to fashion an essay of substantive academic merit silently looms over me, like the world's least exciting poltergeist. (This itch is generally triggered by photos of Josh Holloway without a shirt on.)
Source: 10 Reasons Why Billy Ocean's "Loverboy" Is The Best Music Video Ever Made


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Time for some honesty.
Recently, I've been working on building an ETSY shop. For months it had been a pretty neglected, something I'd come back to at a later date. But with new creative vision for my shop, in the last few weeks I've been working on it, HARD.
Not only have I been making yarn decorations like crazy (pray for my pom pom addiction please) but I also invested time into making my shop look pretty, advertising it (within my budget) and reading up on allllll the SEO jazz.
Once I absorbed all the advice out there, I followed the tips and tricks and waited for the orders to come flooding in….
Waited some more…
A handful of friends kindly bought a few items which I was so thankful for, but it certainly wasn't the 'flood' I'd been hoping for.
I know I'm sounding superrrr moany and negative here, sorry about that.
But I wanted to let you know, that if you're in a season of working away at something and seeing little gain, I'm right there with you.
I won't lie and say I LOVE this season. Of course I want a flourishing business and orders flying in left, right and centre.
But just because that's not where I'm at right now, it doesn't mean I will never get there.
And MOST IMPORTANTLY- I'm convinced that I can still find joy in this early stage of building my business.
Valuing the process is NOT just a cliche, airy-fairy notion which looks pretty on social media. It's a choice. It's a conviction to enjoy learning and growing right where we are instead of constantly telling ourselves 'I'll be happy when I've hit 1000 orders' or 'I'll relax when my engagement on Instagram is up'
If you're working to build a platform, whether it's a blog, Youtube channel or small business, I want you to know how important it is to protect your heart at these early stages.
Well, because before you've 'made it' (whatever 'making it' looks like to you) there's SO much room for doubt and fear.
Before the product or platform is finished we tend to fall into the trap of playing the comparison game. We look at other peoples FINISHED products and our FIRST ATTEMPT and compare them.
Here's what we need to remember though:
Their perfected work is the product of 100's of failed attempts and lessons learned.
If we assume what someone else have to offer is better than what we're working on, before we even finish creating it, then we're shooting ourselves in the leg before we even get running.
Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.
-Zechariah 4:10
I truly believe if we protect your hearts, then the small beginnings of your project can bring SO much life and energy into your creative journey.
You know that quote that's often thrown around, 'No pain, No gain'?
What if there didn't have to be 'pain' in the process?
What if we strived to have the humble attitude that says 'I'm learning, I'm making mistakes and owning all of them'
I reckon we can all find so much joy in simply having a go and being bold enough to put our creative work out into the world.
Keep creating. Smudges, fails, mess and all.
Even a scribble has value.


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While the west coast may be fighting excessive rains and flooding, and the East coast is battling big snowfalls, we seem to be just right this year. The more mild temps and great snow have led to excellent ski trail conditions! Bob is out right now grooming the system after the 6+ inches of fresh snow we received in the past 48 hours.
Yesterday the Cook County Ridge Riders held their 6th annual Fun Run. It was great to see so many people! The fresh snowfalls made for excellent riding! Over 125 people participated in the Fun Run which starts at Devils Track Landing, running a course on the trail system and lakes as far north as us on Gunflint. Also participating were Gunflint Lodge, Trail Center Lodge, Windigo Lodge, and Hungry Jack Lodge. Participants get a "stamp" at each lodge, then return to Devils Track Landing to be dealt cards for each stamp. Best poker hand wins a prize. There is also food and door prizes. All in all it's a great day of riding. ( and yes you can participate by car, driving to each participating resort.) The Fun Run raises money for trail maintenance.


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Testaccio, one of Rome's most charming neighborhoods, has a long history of classic Roman cuisine. This district has long been involved in the food trade in Rome from the Ancient Roman "amphora" time when they were filled with empire-wide imported wine and olive oil to today's eclectic food market that turns Testaccio into one of the most interesting and lively areas of Rome.
The Testaccio neighborhood is distinct in both the palette of Rome's cuisines and personalities. This district of the eternal city is a unique combination of the ancient traditions and modern twists. A walk inside Testaccio will give you the chance to feel like a local, taste classical Roman food and taste avant-garde food trends developing in the city. Surrounded by its authentic architecture, there are historical peculiarities such as the Monte dei Cocci and Pyramide. Beyond this old roman mountain of pots and Egyptian limestone is an active neighborhood with revitalized arts, cultures, markets, cuisines, and popularity that imbue a renewed great passion and point of pride for Romans, like an old love that once waned now returned…and shows no signs of stopping.
Buried in Testaccio's so-called English Cemetary are such names as John Keats, Percy Shelley, and the Italian intellectual and revolutionary Antonio Gramsci. Visiting Testaccio shortly before his death, Shelley wrote that: "It might make one in love with death, to think that one should be buried in so sweet a place." With the cemetery's towering cypress trees, abundant flowers, and rampant greenery running wild into this shaded stretch of the ancient Aurelian Walls, you can understand quite what he meant.
Testaccio may not be among Rome's most spotted neighbourhood for tourist sites, but its rich history and cultural diversity more than makes up for it. In antiquity, the district was home to the Emporium port, where the bulk of the Romans' food supply funnelled into the city. Olive oil, grains, and other essential foodstuffs arrived in terracotta vessels called amphorae which were disposed of in an outdoor dumpsite that created the ancient Monte dei Cocci, or Monte Testaccio hill. Inside and underneath this mountain of pots are 53 million broken amphorae. Today, aside from the famous night area of Testaccio, are many tightly clustered clubs and famous restaurants whose designers and builders literally excavated inside the hill to host and stage the famous Movida Romana.
Personal to many Romans…and just to fortify the identity of the neighbourhood…is a story of a sentimental symbol of Testaccio which is The Fontana of the Amphora. The motive of the fountain built out of ancient pots refers to the Monte Cocci and to the symbol of the whole quarter. Originally located in Piazza Testaccio, it was moved elsewhere in the 30s and replaced with a market, but after the closure of the old Testaccio market in 2012, Piazza Testaccio was converted back to an open space, reopened in January 2015, with the restored fountain back again at its rightful centre.
More than one hundred years ago, Testaccio housed Europe's biggest abattoir, giving rise to rustic, Roman dishes like trippa alla romana and oxtail stew. Nowadays, the whole area has been revitalized to offer useful and engaging services to the community, by creating a new section for the Macro Contemporary Art of Rome, a conference center, an organic market, and a theater (run by an NGO of immigrants) that offers a spacious outdoor venue for gigs, flea markets, and social events for youth and families.
It was also in this neighbourhood that the city's beloved team, AS Roma, had their first football field, and where rowdy locals still gather to take in a match. Earlier in 2017, the undeniable love of Testaccio for the team has pushed few fans to rename one of the square of the district after Francesco Totti, the Captain of the last 20 years and the so-called 8th King of Rome.
Nevertheless, Testaccio is mostly hailed as a bastion of Roman culinary excellence, home to some of the Capital's best eateries, many of which happen to be just around and inside the new Testaccio market officially opened in 2012. Indeed while worldly known osterias like Felice and new hot spots like Trapizzino still gather attention, now most of the interest of the foodies have been redirected to the many stalls of the Market no longer only selling but also cooking fresh produce, typical boiled meat and roman sandwiches with tripe, scottona, and picchiapò. The variety of the food is high and so inside the market of Testaccio you can find pizza passionately made with low fermentation pasta madre, fresh pasta and fried delicatessens like supplì and olive ascolane, and even a Michelin-starred chef serving meat and soups into paper cups, following the philosophy of new trends in Testaccio: Delicious, New and Easy.
Testaccio Food Market
Mon-Sat 6:00 am – 2:00 pm
Once a month the market keeps open until midnight, it's called Open Day: music, dance (the central bar turns into a milonga), the stalls become spots for an aperitivo or a dinner and it ends up with a deejay set.
Restaurants generally close at 2:30 pm and 11:00 pm for dinner, but many clubs stay open until 2 am and 4 am.
Testaccio Food Tour (Small Group or Private)
Check out the popular quarter of Testaccio, a perfect balance of neighbourhood ambience, industrial art, exquisite food and vibrant nightlife all within handy reach.
Famous Italian journalist and former director of Il Foglio, Giuliano Ferrara said of Testaccio: "Testaccio? It's like staying in New York, here is perfect."


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Teachers & Coordinators
Ann Klein - Guitar Teacher & Coordinator
Ann plays guitar and mandolin and other things with strings. As an instrumentalist, credits include: Kate Pierson of the B-52s, Joan Osborne, Ani DiFranco, Darden Smith, PM Dawn, Will Lee, Natalie Imbruglia and the American Composers Orchestra. She has lent her expert guitar skills on Broadway in "Grease", "9 to 5", "Baby It's You", "Everyday Rapture" and "Kinky Boots". Ann was a guest teacher at the Danish Rythmic Music Conservancy with 15 other teachers from NY and LA. She is most proud of her ability to wah wah her way out of any solo, anytime.


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Pedro Lasch
Research Professor of Art, Art History and Visual Studies
B.F.A., Cooper Union 1999
I see my work as a consecutive set of acts and ideas that complement and interrupt the flow of the everyday. It's a chain of routine-breaking routines. My role as an artist, researcher, educator, activist, cultural organizer, and producer can be understood as a cohesive whole, which develops within specific social situations and exists within and outside of conventional art settings. Presentations in museums, galleries, and academic contexts represent only a part of my overall production. A preoccupation with the theory and practice of a socially engaged art, which is rooted in daily exchanges, has led me to the formulation of an aesthetics based on public interventions, social interactions, games, and temporal rearrangements. The range of my projects encompasses anti-monuments, language games, artist's books, radio works, lunch events, experimental workshops, events, and activities, as well as more conventional work in the form of installations, video, photography, painting, printmaking, and drawing. Regular participation in the organization and production of cultural and social networks, such as art collectives like 16Beaver Group (NY) and various immigrant grassroots organizations is also a very significant part of my work. The circulation of my work in international circuits is a direct result of an ongoing engagement with the culture of cross-class cosmpolitanism.
ExpertiseDrawing, installation art, experimental pedagogy, new media, participatory art, art theory, latin american visual culture
Contact Information
Smith Arts Warehouse, Room 220, Durham, NC 27708
Box 90766, Smith Arts Warehouse, Durham, NC 27708-0766
Lasch, P. "University, Narcochingadazo, and Hemispheric Non-Cooperation." Ed. J Lane and M Godoy-Anativia. e-misférica 6 (2010). (Academic Article)
Lasch, P, and 16Beaver, . "C.A.R.T.E.L." Ed. T Services. Art Work: A National Conversation About Art, Labor, and Economics (2009). (Essay)
Lasch, P. "What Are We Before We Are Naturalized? A Journal of Non-Linear Activity." IDEA: Arts & Society 33-34 (2009): 7-27. (Academic Article)
Lasch, P. "A Proposal for the 11th Istanbul Biennial, 2009." IDEA: Arts & Society (2009): 146-148. (Academic Article)
Lasch, P. "Tianguis Transnacional: Drifting and Indigenous Migrancy." Ed. B Holmes, B Group, H What, FWWHWI Curlin, A Devic, N Ilic, and S Sabolovic. What Keeps Mankind Alive? and Continental Drift (2008): 20-21.
Lasch, P. "El color de la razón: racismo epistemológico y razón imperial." Ed. W Mignolo, EC Eze, P Henry, and S Castro-Gómez. El desprendimiento: pensamiento crítico y opción descolonial (2008): cover & p2-cover & p2.
Lasch, P, and others, . "Genero y Descolonialidad." Ed. W Mignolo, M Lugones, I jiménez-Lucena, and M Tlostanova. El desprendimiento: pensamiento crítico y opción descolonial (2008): cover & p2-cover & p2. (Academic Article)
Lasch, P, and 16Beaver Group, . "Iraq Questionnaire Answers." October Magazine (2008): 149-160.
Ramírez, M, Tania, , and Lasch P, . "Ser mixteco o purépecha ya no puede entenderse con una lógica territorial." La Jornada (México) (October 2007).
Lasch P, . "Abren muestra fotográfica sobre vida de mexicanos en Nueva York." Milenio (Guadalajara) (April 2006).
Stronger are the powers of the people': politics, poetics and popular education in Brazilian cinema, 1962-1979. December 5, 2009
The Common and the Forms of the Commune Symposium. Panel: Michael Hardt, Gigi Roggero, Pedro Lasch. April 9, 2009
Pedro Lasch: Exhibitions, 2012 - 2013 | Where Do We Migrate To? at Contemporary Arts Center, New Orleans. (2013)
Pedro Lasch: Exhibitions, 2011 | International Day Without English at Super G: Experiential Residency Program, Greensboro, NC & worldwide via web ( http://www.experimentalcommunities.net/international-day-without-english/ ). (2011)
Pedro Lasch: Exhibitions, 2011 | (solo) Pedro Lasch's Phantom Limbs & Twin Towers Go Global at Stephan Stoyanov Gallery, New York, NY.. (2011)
Pedro Lasch: Exhibitions, 2011 | Immigrant Movement International & United Nations Day of Actions at Queens Museum of Art & Creative Time, New York. (2011)
Pedro Lasch: Exhibitions, 2011 | Pedro Lasch and Twin Towers Go Global (TTGG) / Three Anniversary Reports (Part 3 to follow in 2012) at AND AND AND Platform, Documenta 13. Kassel, Germany & worldwide. (2011)
Pedro Lasch: Exhibitions, 2010 | (solo) Four Works by Pedro Lasch at Galerie of Marseille, Marseille, France. (2010)
Pedro Lasch: Exhibitions, 2010 | Pickpocket: An Unlisted Intervention for International Art Fairs, Events, and Biennials at Frieze Art Fair, London, UK. (2010)


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Beit Hillel Sobriety Sober Living Reviews
Beit Hillel Sobriety provides structured sober living to males and females in West Los Angeles, in Southern California. Past Sober Living clients share their first hand experience and journey through recovery while at Beit Hillel. If you or someone you know is looking for help for addiction recovery, don't hesitated, call Beit Hillel Sobriety today to learn more.
I'm in my mid 20s. Unfortunately I've given the last 7 years away to addiction. I often wonder where I'd be right now if I'd made only the right decisions, but I suppose thinking along those lines is futile and won't get me anywhere. I need to focus on the present, realize which options I have before me so I can make the best choices and maximize the results that follow. I'm sure that if I learn how to do that consistently that my life will be better; I'll be able to enjoy life instead of wonder how good things might have been as I sit atop the pile of grief that is the result of yesterday's failures.
I guess things could have turned out much worse than they did. Instead of just losing my job and all my belongings I might have lost a limb, or even my life. Granted, had I lost my life I wouldn't be in a position to lament the failures of the past as I wouldn't be able to do anything anymore. But that's just the thing; I wouldn't be able to live, to really live anymore either. And what a sad thing that would have been. I realize that turning over a new leaf and making smart decisions from here on out isn't going to fix everything overnight; I have to start small, to do the next right thing as I continue to put the pieces back together. It's mainly for this reason that I decided several months ago to seek out some advice on improving my life in the wake of all the damage done by my addiction.
For a couple of years I'd been using opiate pills. I wasn't a drinker, didn't use really anything besides opiates. This doesn't matter however. What matters is what a person does in order to stop living a life of active addiction so that a normal, healthy life might once again become possible.
I started going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I learned that it would be a good idea to surround myself with people in the same predicament that I'm in. What better a way to do this than by living with other clean people in a sober living home? I did some research online in order to find a good one. After all, it would be my home; it was important. While at the time I didn't know much about sober living homes, I'd always heard somewhat negative talk about them, as they were often made out to be flop houses where people used drugs or they were to be places run by money hungry individuals who used noble fronts like helping people in need in order to disguise their selfish motives.
I found a place that I liked immediately. Beit Hillel Sobriety has proved to be a safe, affordable, friendly place to live in while I continue my life in sobriety. I'm working two jobs in order to be become self-sufficient again, to be able to afford my own place and get a car, etc. There are friendly people living here of all ages. I don't have to worry about anyone stealing my stuff. I come home from work and relax by playing my routine online first person shooter games. My life is simple, structured. I have goals that I'm working toward slowly but surely. I don't know if I should say this, but I'm super grateful to the guy who owns this place for helping me when I was just starting out living there. I could barely afford to pay rent but Ezra Huber let me live at Beit Hillel anyway, until I was on my feet. Not only did his generosity help me in the obvious financial sense but it also taught me the value of helping people while living in recovery. By helping others, addicts in recovery help themselves. I've learned from Ezra Huber's example and I hope to be able to do the same kind of things for other people in the future.
My name is Mike I was raised in a loving household, did well in school. As a child I always did what was expected of me. I was rather quiet and withdrawn, but polite. While at the time I wasn't aware of it, in hindsight I see that I was nearly constantly anxious. It's not surprising then that I eventually took to various forms of addiction with such fervor; alcohol, stimulants, and sex replaced my discomfort with a sense of confident euphoria. However, I was disheartened to realize that while I exhibited such discipline in nearly everything I set my mind to, when it came to these vices I seemed powerless to stop.
This couldn't continue. My family knew I needed some sort of help and suggested outpatient treatment for addiction. Fortunately it worked. I learned a lot about addiction, why it likely develops in certain people but, more importantly, how to go about living a reasonably healthy and happy life as a former practicing addict. I learned that honesty (most importantly self-honesty) and a willingness to help others while keeping an open mind are necessary if I'm going to succeed at living an addiction-free life. Helping others, I was told, is the antidote to the selfishness that seems to go hand in hand with addiction of any kind. Being of service to those in need (especially newcomers) keeps me cognizant of where I come from; that is, it helps me to remember how bad my life was, just as it also lets me know that even one mistake (having a drink, for instance) can bring me right back to the Hell I used to know in the blink of an eye.
I wound up moving into a sober living home. Times were rather hard when I found Beit Hillel Sobriety online. Ezra Huber, the owner, helped me in the beginning even though there were a couple of times when I could not afford to pay rent. Still, he made sure that I had food, shelter, kind people around me. I developed healthy daily habits that most likely made an impression on Ezra Huber, for I was offered a managerial position on his staff after several successful months. My day was full; I did everything that needed doing. I drove residents to meetings, did administrative work, kept things organized. I was living productively and responsibly.
I'll never forget the kindness of certain people who helped me when I needed it most. Beit Hillel was the bedrock that I built my new life on. I'm forever grateful to Ezra Huber for what he did for me. While many people today are focused first on making more money, his first focus is on helping people. Thank you Beit Hillel, for making such an important difference in my life.
My name is Johnny. Somehow, early on, things got all messed up. I mean…I was a kid and although I had a pretty loving family, people misunderstood me. I knew what the right answers were; I knew what made people happy, why they did certain things but not others. I think I was a smart kid. Smart enough, anyway. I learned what to say and what not to say in order to get people to do what I wanted them to do. I don't mean that in a bad way. I just knew how I wanted people to behave around me and I figured I'd use what I knew in order to make them conform to what I thought was the best way to live. At least, how to live while they were around me.
I was only 16 years old when I was forcefully admitted to a camp where they treated me like I wasn't even a person. I don't know why that was necessary. I didn't deserve to go there. They actually put me in a cell where I had to stay for at least a week. I was away from people. A few times a day a doctor or something like that would walk by, look at me like I was a project or something, not a human being. I hated them for that. They wouldn't even acknowledge my humanity there. Just treated me as if I was something that needed to be observed, managed. I remember feeling a lot of anger. I was angry at a lot of things I guess, but most of all I was angry at myself for allowing this craziness to happen to me.
I found drugs and alcohol and everything became a lot more interesting. I felt better when I had something in my system like amphetamines, alcohol. I got a sense that everything was going to be all right, that I was good and strong and whatever else I needed to be. The rush I felt sometimes became something to live for. I really needed my depression and anxiety to go away; meth worked like a charm for this. Worries were gone, confidence was great, everything was perfect for as long as its effects lasted.
Afterward, my depression and anxiety were worse than they'd been before. Terrible, in fact. Without anything to use I became unpleasant to be around. I would fret and pace, thinking how I could find something that would stop the anxiety. The anxiety gave rise to fear. Bad. It was all bad. God, I really needed to get more. More and then all the apprehension would go away. I'd get what I needed and I'd be in control again.
I wasn't able to function in a healthy manner. I was all nerves, like a live wire. How could I have let things get this bad? Somehow I flitted through my school classes, passed with average grades. But my personal relationships were badly affected. It's difficult if sometimes not impossible to behave even keel when you're on top of the world for a few hours and then you plummet into the depths of Hell with a crash that's only made better by drinking or doing more of the same.
More of the same. I did more of the same for the next four years. Unfortunately, bad luck and trouble caught up with me and I had some run-ins with the law. Nothing too serious, but serious enough to keep me behind bars if I didn't find the right representation or support.
My lawyer said it would definitely be in my best interest to say in court that I intended to stay sober and work an honest program of recovery for a minimum of six months, that I would absolutely do this. I knew I had a gift in front of me.
We found what seemed to be the ideal choice for sober living in Beit Hillel Sobriety. Well, it turned out to be even more than ideal, because Ezra Huber, the founder and owner of the house came to court and worked in tandem with my lawyer to convince the judge that I deserved and needed a chance to get my life straight with the help of Beit Hillel, where I'd live out healthy habits every day, work an honest program, do what I can to help, attend meetings, and make good on my promise to complete six months. From there on out, I would simply continue to live well. Before I actually moved into Beit Hillel, Ezra Huber wisely insisted that I go to a rehab, to make sure I was healthy and ready to live as I just described above. He found, and paid for, an excellent three month treatment center in Tarzana, CA.
Out of treatment. I had to do well. I did do well. Unfortunately, I had a slip about five months later. It happens. I reminded myself that all that mattered was the moment at hand, the now. Never mind how bad the current situation seemed. Of course I took it all in and I was disappointed in myself over the mistake, but at the same time I thought of how well I'd done for so long. I did manage to work a program of recovery; I could do so again.
The courts were angry this time. I was afraid that I'd wind up doing three years over some trifling mistake I'd made thanks to my addiction. I didn't need incarceration. I needed more of the same encouragement, security and direction that I'd found at Beit Hillel. I prayed that I'd get the opportunity to continue living a program of recovery around people who were doing the same thing I was, around people who cared. I needed meetings and service work and compassion – not handcuffs, sack lunches and count time. I needed a chance. Would I get one?
I did get one. Ezra Huber did what he does best in court. Unbelievably, he got me out of jail for the second time. Not for any amount of money. He did it because he's dedicated his life to helping people like me. Words can't relay how grateful I am to him. As I write this I'm at Beit Hillel, keeping a solid and healthy routine, doing service work, staying positive. I've made my mistakes, but I'm not letting my mistakes keep me down. I'm going to use the past as the greatest motivator to continue doing the next right thing, day in and day out. I can use the past as I talk to and work with other addicts, relating to them, helping them while they help me.
That's how it works in the Twelve Step Program. We let others help us until we become healthy enough to help ourselves. Then we continue the process. As we help others who have the same disease, we help ourselves. We can only keep what we have by giving it away. Thank you Ezra Huber, for showing me this, for giving me this. I'll do my best to thank you through my actions, carefully and kindly, one day at a time.
James D.
I am an addict.
I was on the streets, broken and hopeless. Everything I'd ever cared about was gone. For so long I'd been living in a world of shadow and pain, sickness and loss. The thought of death was a welcome one. Still though, I hadn't died yet, despite the odds.
They are sickening, the odds. All the blood, the needles, the bottles, the guns, the blades, car accidents and overdoses. I should've been dead twenty times over, but I always woke up, always woke up. I would come to again only to use again, to try and kill the pain. Walking despite the pain. I remember seeing the sidewalks flash by underfoot, walking the streets of downtown Los Angeles with not even a bag over my shoulder anymore. Even the bag was gone.
The pain and sickness would be coming along soon though. Could always count on that. The fear and uncertainty, the ripping anxiety. Physical pain was nothing next to the torture of the mental grind. The bodily pain could be very bad, excruciating even. But the hellishness of my tortured psyche knew no bounds.
The guilt and shame which were my constant waking companions could be managed by certain drugs at certain doses, but luck factored into the mix as well, and of late I'd had only the worst kind of luck. I somehow wound up existing amongst a group of homeless people once again. The routine was the same. The faces were different. The pain, of course, hadn't changed. Sometimes a little less, sometimes more. But it was always there.
As long as I knew I was going to have enough of whatever I was using to take the pain away, I was okay. That was my only function out there. No longer living but simply existing, one sidewalk pane at a time. Existing, nothing but existing.
I'd been doing this every day for a long time. Thirty pounds underweight, skeletal frame badly wearing the dirty donation clothes that came around somehow every now and then. I had only a vague recollection of what was behind me while I neither knew nor cared what lay before me; whatever would happen would be fine as long as I knew I'd have a guarantee later when it came to using. That was the only thing that mattered.
Pain was the one and only thing I had left. I had finally come to know only varying degrees of pain. Of course the less the better. I still had my life, but I didn't want it anymore. I had no idea that while I was out there, walking as little more than a slightly animated corpse, others were trying to find me. Sure enough, Ezra Huber found me. He's the founder and owner of Beit Hillel Sobriety. My family asked him to help me, and help me he did.
Sober living homes exist in order to help addicts bridge the gap from sickness and desperation to eventual health and productivity. In a perfect world, every sober living would serve as a safe stepping for those who need security and guidance as they begin to practice the process of recovery. Sadly, many if not most sober living homes are nothing of the sort and exist only to help themselves.
Beit Hillel Sobriety is the exception. Beit Hillel Sobriety is a community of life, love. When I was on the street, Ezra Huber, its founder and owner, never stopped looking for me. While here I have the opportunity to continue the process of recovery by making good daily choices, by doing the next right thing, no matter how small.
I want to be clear here. I was out there, in the dark and endless pain. I took measures to make sure I wouldn't be found, to eliminate any trace of myself. Still, Ezra Huber managed to find me. My family, they're all overseas. I have nothing in this country; I do not come from this country. The only thing I have in this country is here at Beit Hillel, where people have been and continue to be so very kind. I have much to be grateful for.
Elliot C.
I started using heroin at age seventeen. I knew I should have run away the second it was offered to me; I'd always heard that this drug is the one that you never want to touch, but a strange curiosity clouded my better judgment and I tried it. I was immediately wrapped in a blanket of loving warmth and pleasure; it was a perfect panacea. As long as it lasted, life was beautiful.
It didn't take long for me to learn that I needed to keep doing it regularly. If I allowed more than eight hours to pass since the last time I used, I'd start to feel terribly restless; my nose would run and eyes would water. Fortunately back then I could afford it easily enough; it was only later that I'd learn the indescribable horror of having to go without it for longer than a day; heroin withdrawal is hellish. As long as I had what I needed, however, I found that I had what seemed to be a solid best friend in heroin. Using it provided a boost in self-confidence that did wonders for playing music and getting along smoothly in any social setting. I couldn't imagine life without it.
Within a year I could easily see how I'd become a slave to this thing which had at first seemed so sublime. Eventually my loved ones came to know of my problem and intervened to get me help. I went to rehab. I did well for a time thereafter but before long I relapsed. I was immediately as dependent as I'd been before, maybe even more so. How I wished I'd never tried it! Or did I? Perhaps this drug's power was such that even in the face of the most severe consequences, it still retained value, beauty. It sounds sickening; it is sickening. The nature of its allure is such that I fear only those in the know through personal experience can truly understand the gamut of its hold. I got help several times only to fall again.
September of 2015 saw me at my worst ever. In that month I overdosed several times. To this day I can't understand how I didn't die. I really wanted to. While I never outrightly attempted suicide, I became as suicidal as I've ever been during that time. I thought of death constantly, how it would mean the end of the hell my life had become. Sure, my loved ones would be terribly hurt. However, their pain at my killing myself would be sudden and fleeting compared to the drawn out misery they would be forced to endure otherwise.
As it turned out, a friend of mine who knew about my struggle cared enough to invite me to the west coast, so that I might get help in southern California. Up till then I'd been living in several states along the east coast. At least I'd be re-locating to a part of the country where the heroin was markedly worse in quality than out east; maybe that alone would make a difference in my staying away from it. Today however I know that once someone crosses the unseen line into true addiction, there's no going back. Once an addict, always an addict; the actively addicted mind will never fail to find the relief it yearns for. That does not mean, however, that an addict cannot stop using in order to have a chance at recovery. Recovery is always possible as long as the addict is willing to become honest, willing, open-minded and committed. If so, a healthy and meaningful life is once again possible.
I've learned that a healthy living environment is critical when it comes to maintaining quality sobriety. I've also learned that it's easy to fool myself into thinking that the choices I'm making on a daily basis are all the right ones; this is why it's imperative to surround myself with like-minded people who are practicing doing the right things, who are also working a program of recovery.
What better a place to find this than a sober living house? That was my first thought upon coming out west. Things aren't always what they seem, however, and this is certainly true of sober living homes. I'd like to be able to say that the very first one I tried out was the real deal in regard to its claim of being first and foremost about helping people. That is in fact the idea behind a sober living; it is supposed to help ensure a safe and sure transition for the addict as he or she works at rebuilding a life of health and self-sufficiency. Unfortunately, all too many of them seem to care about money more than anything else.
In the end I had to try more than several sober livings before I found the right one, before I found Beit Hillel. Its founder and owner, Ezra Huber, is a man of integrity and honor who has dedicated his life to giving addicts in need a chance, to helping them in every way he can seven days a week. I say this from experience. It's now been almost a year since he offered to help me when I needed it most, when I couldn't even afford to pay rent.
Granted, Beit Hillel is still a business, yes. But sometimes a person is desperate, in dire straits financially and otherwise. Yes, the world we live in can be cruel for countless people in many different ways; evil exists. But so does its opposite. This too, I say out of experience. Today I am still living at Beit Hillel, doing better at life than I ever have. It's a joy for me to have a relatively manageable life these days, just as it's also a joy for me to see others get the same kind of help at Beit Hillel that I got.
Mike N.
I was raised well by loving parents. I enjoyed school, did well in all my classes. I'm rather quiet in general, friendly to everyone. Growing up, life was something that I loved. I had no worries, but I do remember having constant low grade anxiety, for no apparent reason. When challenges came, I always handled them effectively, all the while keeping a positive attitude. Still, I always seemed to have a slightly nervous disposition I always made friends easily, in my quiet way, with a small smile and eyes that were kind. I'm not much for small talk, always preferring meaningful conversation over talking about the weather. That's just me.
Then, one day in my early twenties, my quiet and kind life was destroyed. I tried heroin, and I was immediately enslaved to it. Its euphoric grip was something that I couldn't say no to; I had to use it at least several times a day, every day almost immediately after that first use. What a dreadful mistake I'd made! I'd always heard that this one drug is the one you must never touch, or you'll pay dearly.
Pay dearly indeed. As I type this, I have no feeling in my fingertips. No hearing from my left ear. I have a lot of problems now, healing as best as I can after my coma, which started with severe cerebral hypoxia (stoppage of oxygen to the brain). The prognosis wasn't good. The doctor told my parents as gently as he could that I wasn't likely to survive after the respiratory failure I'd had as a result of my heroin overdose. It was truly an accident; in hindsight I see that it was simply my lack of tolerance that was behind my body's inability to handle the shot I took. I remember realizing what was probably happening to me in a rush of panic that was however strangely soothed and, actually, eliminated just as fast as it ca me on. I felt a powerful heaviness come down around and over me. That was the last thing I remember.
My parents thought they'd lost their son. My consciousness was gone, likely never to return. I was quiet and motionless in my hospital bed. Everyone present knew the reality of the situation but didn't talk about it. My brain had been without oxygen for far too long. I guess the unthinkable was happening for my parents then. They were helpless to do anything for me. No one could do anything for me. It was expected that I'd simply sleep from that point forward, never to wake again.
The following is some text from the website spinalcord.com:
- Between 30-180 seconds of oxygen deprivation, you may lose consciousness.
- At the one-minute mark, brain cells begin dying.
- At three minutes, neurons suffer more extensive damage, and lasting brain damage becomes more likely.
- At five minutes, death becomes imminent.
- At 10 minutes, even if the brain remains alive, a coma and lasting brain damage are almost inevitable.
- At 15 minutes, survival becomes nearly impossible.
There are, of course, exceptions to every rule…
Exceptions to every rule…Yes. So it seems. I did survive. I not only survived, I awoke into a relatively healthy, mentally stable state. How is it possible that I didn't sustain irreversible brain damage, that I hadn't become no more than a human vegetable, able to only exist, never again live? Some people throw the word "miracle" around loosely, quite often. Some people see a miracle everywhere, all day long, and talk about all the miracles happening everywhere, constantly. Everything's a "miracle". As a result, the word unfortunately loses some of its meaning.
Well, I woke up. That is a miracle, in every sense of the word. Words are perfect units of communication of course…however, no words exist (as far as I know) that properly relay the impossibly deep sense of gratitude I have now, for so many reasons. Obviously, I'm grateful to be alive. I'm exhilarated and actually dumbfounded to be fully conscious and more or less cognitively able to do all that I did before. I am in a healing state, yes. Some damage was done here and there throughout my system. Certain parts of my body, certain kinds of thinking may take a fair amount of time to heal; what's incredible is that I actually have the ability to heal. Blows my mind. I was out for two weeks.
I'm so very thankful for the friendship and support I've gotten from all my friends at Beit Hillel Sobriety. Had it been allowed, they would have come to visit me at the hospital every day, and I'm convinced that my parents', Ezra Huber's and my other friends' visits made a difference for the better for me. Somehow, their positive, loving energy made some kind of difference in my healing. Yes, I made the mistake of relapsing while on a trip over Christmas to visit my family. I had been living clean, doing well at Beit Hillel for so long. Now I have the opportunity to do well again. Ezra Huber is someone I'll remember all my life, regardless of where I might live. His commitment and kindness have worked wonders for my recovery. I will live by his example and do the same, especially in regard to helping others. That seems to be a key element of success in any quality recovery program. I am learning. I am grateful. I'm alive.
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I was going to put a ridiculously entertaining gif at the start of this post, but alas ... blogger has decided not to cooperate. And we all know that technology and I rarely get along, so when I tried to fix it ... CHAOS. ANARCHY. THE NEAR DESTRUCTION OF THE ENTIRE INTERNET.
Imagine an entertaining gif HERE.
Thank you.
Moving on.
This actually might be a long-ish post. I'm not exactly sure how much of last year I want to share, so then again ... it might not. :) Truthfully, I wasn't even going to do a 2012 Recap post, but I figured my blog followers and new readers deserve to know a little bit about why I basically disappeared off the face of the internet, and maybe a little bit about what to expect in 2013.
Here's the thing. 2012 was one of the hardest years I've been through in a very long time. It was one of the best. And one of the most heartbreaking. It was one of the most incredible. And one of the most stressful. And all of that combined to slap this introvert straight in the face with a big, fat "I can't deal with human interaction at ALL because I can't afford to give away one more piece of me, or I'll have nothing left."
I hope when I say that, when I tell you that I pulled back from blogging and Facebook and Twitter, you don't think I mean I felt like people had their hands out trying to take a piece of me. That's not accurate at all. What I mean is this: being an introvert doesn't mean you don't like people or that you aren't outgoing. It means that every interaction you have takes emotional energy from you. For extroverts, interacting with other people gives emotional energy. When you take an introvert with a ton of stress in her personal life and add in the fact that her job requires her to find large chunks of quiet time in which to be creative, you have a recipe for abandoning the internet.
My emotional energy in 2012 started out pretty strong. I'd sold a trilogy in 2011, and my first book was coming out in August of 2012! I was excited about that, focused on writing the sequel, and trying to figure out how to do effective online promotion without becoming annoying.
In February, we did the cover reveal for Defiance. I expected a bunch of people to be interested. And by "bunch," I mean ... maybe 200. A little piece of my followers from Twitter, my blog, and Facebook. And also my mother and my best friends. I had no idea how many people would respond to Harper's amazing cover, and I was totally unprepared for the sudden focus of people's attention.
I've been told this is the kind of stuff writers just shouldn't blog about because we'll sound ungrateful for our dreams coming true. Or we'll sound stuck up because we felt the effects of the publicity our publishing houses generated for our books. I understand that fear, but I'm hoping my readers know me well enough by now to know that this isn't pride talking. I'm not the one who created my amazing cover--all of the credit goes to Harper's incredible art department. And if writers suddenly shut up about the publishing process once we've crossed the threshold to "sold," we do a huge disservice to up and coming writers. Because let me tell you, crossing that threshold is amazing and lovely. It is also scary. And with it comes a whole new level of pressure.
I thought I was ready for that. I was ready to slowly grow a readership. Build it book by book. And I'm still committed to that. I wasn't ready for the kind of response Defiance's cover generated. On my blog. On Twitter. In my inbox. That day, I received an average of 200 emails an hour. Comments on the cover. On my FB page. Emails to me personally because I had my personal email still up on my blog. It was an incredible, wonderful surprise.
It was also overwhelming.
I'm not complaining! I love my covers (yes, the next one is just as incredible) like WHOA. I wouldn't change a thing. I just didn't know people would be as excited as I am. That they would want to talk to me about it. And again, that is a lovely and wonderful thing. But after a little while, the introvert in me begged me to step back before I let that overwhelming feeling become something I could no longer deal with.
I have no idea how many of you are like me, so I may be trying to explain something that just won't make sense. But for an introvert who needs space to be creative and who has spent the past two decades walking a fine line between being slightly nuts and clinically depressed, what was lovely and overwhelming soon grew into the kind of pressure that made me want to crawl into a hole.
I know that won't make sense to people who haven't battled depression. How can something wonderful make you want to hide in a cave? I don't know. I really don't. But it does. However, I'm a lot wiser now than I was the first time I went on anti-depression medication. I've learned how to identify triggers and how to set up boundaries for myself so that I can cope without falling into that long, dark hole. I stepped back. I gave myself permission not to have to respond to every kind, amazing comment the very day it was made. And in a few weeks, the attention subsided because other equally amazing covers were revealed.
I walked into March feeling relieved. People loved the cover as much as I did. And while I hadn't been prepared for interacting with so many people in such a short space of time, I'd figured out how to manage it in a way that let me still be accessible to my followers like I want to be without feeling like I was giving all of my energy there and leaving nothing for my family and my writing.
ARCs went out at the end of March, and reviews started rolling in. I'd heard sage advice from published authors to ignore reviews. I gave myself two weeks to read the first reviews because curiosity was killing me. Turns out, the published authors were right. The lovely, warm, gushing reviews made me smile, but also made me look at my draft of Deception with doubt and fear. What if the things they loved in Defiance were missing in Deception? What if I totally screwed up my plot arcs? What if there wasn't enough action? Enough romance? What if, what if, what if .... The negative reviews did the exact same thing, so ... there was no winning, lol.
This didn't send me toward depression, mind you. I honestly believe that it's healthy for our culture to have many different types of books available, and there's no way one book will ever be perfect for every reader. But respecting all kinds of reviews didn't mean I had to read them if it was going torpedo my ability to write the sequel. I function best when I have a high rate of oblivion. I need a cushion around me keeping me from things that can distract me from listening to the characters and walking through the world inside my head. So, I stopped reading reviews. Never went back to Goodreads. Didn't even click links that fans sent to me with their gushing reviews.
I want to be perfectly clear here. I am GRATEFUL. I can't tell you how grateful. For every person who took the time to read my book and share their thoughts. With me or with others. Every email or blog comment I've received from someone who read and loved my book has encouraged me. Just because I don't click the link to read the review doesn't mean I don't treasure your personal message to me, or the fact that you cared enough to reach out. You and your thoughts are precious to me, and I'm grateful.
But this was one of the boundaries I had to build in order to protect myself from the dark places in my own mind. It's too easy for me to listen to doubt and fear and let it overwhelm me. If I don't have to welcome it in, I can't. It's that simple. As part of my search for a solution to help me build that high rate of oblivion around my creative process, I took on the amazing Julie as my intern/assistant. She became the point of contact for me. She organized all my online promo and many of my appearances. She kept her eye on reviews and morons who offered pirated copies of my book and all kinds of other little details that honestly sent me into a bit of a panic when I thought about trying to figure them out. I would've been more than a little lost in 2012 without her.
April and May were good months. I was looking forward to my August release, Julie had things well in hand, and I turned in the first draft of Deception. June was when my year started to really come off the rails. I can't go into a lot of details here because I won't violate my kids' privacy, but in the space of two weeks, two of my kids were hospitalized for very serious conditions. One of them was in an accident that left him with a smashed face and a Traumatic Brain Injury. I went instantly from a working mom to a mom trying to help her son when he couldn't hold a conversation, couldn't keep his balance, and couldn't manage the incredible pain he was in. I was also trying to get an accurate diagnosis and medication for my other son, and both of those situations required constant vigilance, multiple trips up to a children's hospital every week, and many hours of praying that my kids would be okay.
The revisions I was supposed to be doing for Deception flew right out of my head. The characters went silent. And I couldn't care about that. But of course, I couldn't put that off indefinitely because the book was due. Other people's jobs depended on me doing mine. I had to go to my agent and editor, explain the situation, and ask for an extension. And then I had to sit down at the end of July and focus on revising (which is a pleasant sounding word but which actually meant rip the entire thing to shreds and start over) while trying to get ready for my upcoming launch and appearances, and while working with my son's high school to figure out how to accommodate his TBI and all of his medical difficulties without him losing his honors classes or his future.
I turned the next draft of Deception in the week Defiance launched. My launch party was amazing. So many people showed up, and it really touched my heart to see friends, old and new, along with blog readers and book fans there to enjoy the evening with me. I also held an online launch party, and then spent the weekend doing panels at both Dragon*Con and the Decatur Book Festival. Those appearances launched me into the fall where I traveled a few places in September, and then had a running streak of six weeks of travel from Oct to Nov. All while trying to still manage my son's physical and cognitive therapy, my other son's health needs, and oh, yeah ... while rewriting Deception again.
It took me 5 1/2 drafts to get Deception done. It took six months to get the right treatment for one son. It took seven months for my other son to start to feel mostly normal after his accident. All of that happened simultaneously. And I will be honest with you. There was a moment in September when a friend asked me when I was going to have a breakdown, and I told her I couldn't afford to break down because my kids needed me and my book was due, but that the second all of that was off of my plate, she'd hear screaming from my house and she'd know to come lock me away for a few days.
And that is why I basically quit blogging. Why I'd disappear off Twitter for weeks at a time. I just couldn't manage one more thing. Every time I thought about sitting down and writing a blog post, it made me want to cry because I barely had the words for the book I've been paid to write.
I'm very proud of Deception, now. It may have taken me 5 1/2 drafts (and maybe my spleen and half of my brain) to get it done, but it's the right story. It's what I wanted to do when I first sat down to write the book. I'm very grateful that both of my boys are still alive. I'm grateful that they are improving. I'm tremendously honored that readers reach out to me and want to talk about Defiance. I love having those conversations because I'm the kind of reader who identifies strongly with characters in books, and I like to talk about that with others. This post isn't a "please don't talk to me again" post! It's an explanation for where I went last year.
I hope next year is easier, but we're never guaranteed that, are we? That's why we have to be thankful for the blessings we have on any given day. I've decided not to place the stress of a blog schedule on myself this year. I'm finishing up co-writing a secret project this month, I'll be drafting Book 3 the three months after that, writing synopses for two more secret projects, and editing Book 1 in my adult series. I can't expect myself to blog three times a week on top of that.
However! I'll still blog. It will just be sporadic. And I will consistently reply to comments on this blog and on FB or Twitter. I might not be able to reply the day you send it, but I will reply. And if you have a longer note to send to me, you can reach me through the Amazing Julie at email@example.com. I read all of the emails my readers send to me, and again, I reply as soon as I'm able.
Thank you for sticking with me to the end of this incredibly long post! Thank you for being willing to read about the struggles as well as the happy "dream come true" moments. I appreciate you, and I wish us all a wonderful 2013.
Friday, January 4, 2013
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YA Scavenger Hunt - Red Team
Welcome to YA Scavenger Hunt! This bi-annual event was first organized by author Colleen Houck as a way to give readers a c...
May has become an important month to me. In May 2003, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. In May 2004, I was pronounced "in remission...
Honestly, this is a post I never dreamed I'd write. My hands are shaky, and I'm frantically thinking through all the possible conseq...


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With the return of what has been dubbed the biggest and baddest BMX dirt competition in 2013, Red Bull Dreamline brought together 32 of the best dirt jumpers and trail riders to earn their spot in the top twelve final. In the end it was Pat Casey, who was originally invited as an alternate, that rode out on top of the stiff competition. You can watch how Casey made it happen by jumping over to RedBull.com/Dreamline but in the mean time you can scroll below to watch Mike "Hucker" Clark take you through the course POV style. Also, don't forget to mark your calendar for Saturday, Oct. 26 at 4Pm ET on NBC as part of the Red Bull Signature Series!
1st Place – Pat Casey (USA) 90.27
2nd Place – TJ Ellis (USA) 88.00
3rd Place – Kyle Baldock (AUS) 84.40
4th Place – Ben Wallace (UK ) 83.93
5th Place – Dawid Godziek (POL) 83.67
6th Place – Chris Doyle (USA) 83.33
7th Place – Seth Klinger (USA ) 83.27
8th Place – Cam White (AUS) 83.00
9th Place – Mike "Hucker" Clark (USA ) 82.60
10th Place – Joey Cordova (USA) 80.73
11th Place – Ronnie Napolitan (USA) 77.73
12th Place – Dennis Enarson (USA) 44.33


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Letoon or Xanthos & Tlos & Yakapark Request this tourThe history of Letoon is closely linked with that of Xanthos. It is known to have been one of the most important religious centers of the Lycian region. Due to the rising water level, archeological digs have been suspended. The remains unearthed indicate they belong to the period between the 7th century B.C. and the 6th century A.D. The most important edifice is the Greek style theater which has been preserved until our day.
Tlos is one of the ancient Lycian cities, with the adventure of discovering a truely natural, beautiful site; Here you will have the oppotunity to explore the theatre, acropolis fort, baths with seven arched windows and unusual cliff tombs. On arrival at Yakapark A nice chance to enjoy the quietness of the river and the cool cool river breeze will revitalize you.Yyou will have not only a wonderful lunch of Fresh Trout but hopefully not alot of tourists as well.