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Friday, February 6, 2009
Comic 540: Oh Is It A BASEBALL Metaphor?
Isn't there supposed to be some rule that baseball is, like, inherently anti-sexual?
Look, Randy, unnecessarily complicated charts aren't funny. Nor is being intentionally nonsensical. Sure, you had a few gags here and there that were okay. And I suppose, if anyone ever used the analogy anymore, ever, maybe it was meant to be useful? I mean, I sure as hell didn't know what the "base" analogy meant. Maybe that's why it's just not that funny?
But it's just--
okay i can't go on like this. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE ART. She is fucking HOVERING OVER THE TOP OF A CHAIR. And then she does this fucked up spidery thing, like she is coming down to DEVOUR HER YOUNG, and then she's BACK TO THE FUCKING HOVERING. WHAT THE FUCK RANDALL. WHY DO YOUR WOMEN HOVER. Is that how it's going to be? In your world women never come into contact with... chairs? Why do you hate Jesus? Why do you hate freedom? WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
Moving on.
We have another nod at furries, which is, okay, creepy. And what the fuck? Napoleon's Forces? Random is not funny. Nonsensical is not funny. Anyone can do it, and you know what? It's not funny. There's a trick to it. You need to find something which is nonsensical but appears, at first glance, to make sense. It should be a "wait, what?" moment where you actually try to think about it. That's how you do random humor. You do not just randomly throw Napoleon into a sexual analogy.
Credit where it's due: I found the initial phases of conversation, apart from it being entirely unrealistic that I would ever have it with anyone, ever, kind of amusing. "I think that's... shortstop?" (Which is actually between first and second but I still liked it.) Then it took a dive into "I know, I will just THROW OUT A BUNCH OF RANDOM SPORTS TERMS" and then...
the hovering. the hovering. oh god the hovering
100 comments:
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 12:20 PM
the shortstop is between second and third.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 12:21 PM
Shortstop is in between 2nd and 3rd, dogg. You might want to edit that.ReplyDelete
Unless there's an infield shift, in which case...ReplyDelete
You know what, it doesn't matter. I entirely agree with Rob about this comic. The first few panels were pretty funny, and I couldn't finish reading the last panel.
I refuse to correct an error by someone who uses the word "dogg." It will stand, FOREVER.ReplyDelete
an error pointed out by*ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 12:37 PM
CAPS LOCK IS CLEARLY CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL! SO IS SAYING FUCK A LOT! FUCK FUCK FUCK! SEE!? Now see how annoying that is? If you want to review a webcomic that's fine by me, but at least do it with a little dignity and wit.ReplyDelete
I'm not reviewing it, I am openly mocking it.ReplyDelete
Also that wasn't very annoying of you, actually. Try again?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 12:56 PM
Ohhh... now everything makes sense. Here I was giving you too much credit thinking you were trying to do an actual intellectual review. But all your doing is mocking.ReplyDelete
Ahahahahahaha. Oh man. Here you are all high and mighty with your "intellectual reviews" and you can't even get your/you're straight. Nice one!ReplyDelete
Ohhh! She's on *top* of the chair! I mean, those top-row panels were freaking me out for all sorts of other reasons, too, but at least that one is resolved.ReplyDelete
However, it has been replaced with "HOW IS THAT BENT LEG COMFORTABLE IN ANY WAY OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD" for the same panel.
I think I need to just lie down and preathes *CAPTCHA
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 1:07 PM
Sorry for posting so many times but AHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE GRAMMAR GODS WILL FROWN UPON ME TODAY. (P.S. Thank you for shaming me for that, no really that really bothers me when people do it and I think anyone, including myself should be publicly humiliated when they make that mistake) (P.P.S. Just because I want to read intellectual reviews doesn't make ME intellectual)ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 1:12 PM
The tagline of this blog is "a vitriolic and bitter collection of unwarranted nastiness" but unwarranted means baseless. Lucky for you Randall covered your bases and brought enough for everyone today. (end bad joke)ReplyDelete
Actually, this one's funny. It's making fun of this.ReplyDelete
drjon: No it isn't on both counts.ReplyDelete
Anyone spot the other 2 random jokes that are just random and not really funny? "Your Base", a reference to an old internet meme, "all your base belong to us", wow Randall, you are still way behind the times! Perhaps, however, this falls into the case where it appears that it fits, but then is random, as Rob mentions in the blog post.ReplyDelete
And what about the crappy "base 2" joke? (decode the binary into ascii, it says "base 2"). the binary in a sex joke doesn't fit at all!
Oh, is THAT what "your base" is referencing? IT DOESN'T EVEN WORK AS A REFERENCE.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 2:43 PM
Nah, I'm afraid you're wrong about this one. The only thing I might consider bad about this one is that a person doesn't know where to start reading.ReplyDelete
Napoleon's forces is just playing with the idea that it's a map. If the joke were ONLY the your base reference, it wouldn't be funny, but it's in a collage of other jokes that aren't just memes.
And if you hadn't heard of the bases-as-sexual-activity-in-a-relationship analogy, God help you. That's certainly not Randall's fault.
It was nice to have three good strips in a row. I shouldn't feel let down so much. It was only expected.ReplyDelete
The img title attr. was meh and that's a good thing compared to the actual art :(
The panels were funny. The map just killed it.ReplyDelete
GreaterSteven, King of Illiteracy: I had heard of it, but nobody uses it and nobody knows what they mean (because nobody uses it).ReplyDelete
GreaterSteven: I have heard of the bases/sexual activity business before.ReplyDelete
That doesn't make the comic funny.
Everyone else: Yeah I thought the panels were funny enough. The map was amusing, but definitely brought down the level of funny.
Randall and his stupid AYB references! Just because it was funny then doesn't mean shoving it into a comic that talks about bases will be funny! Same with the damn "base 2" business.
Cuddlefish: CAPSLOCK DEFINITELY /IS/ CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL and I have disabled it for you. At least you are okay with being mocked for sucky elementary grammatical mistakes. Maybe it is only semi-disabled for you.
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 4:12 PM
I actually liked this one, but then again, that's because I know a lot of people who do use the baseball metaphor (it's got its own wiki page, guys).ReplyDelete
Actually, everyone who's confused needs to go listen to "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meat Loaf, which contains the best use of the baseball metaphor ever.
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 6:28 PM
i thought the alt text was pretty funny. idk.ReplyDelete
I think Randall's safe with the "let me explain this sexual metaphor for you" setup, but there are multiple fouls in the last panel.ReplyDelete
Eye contact from Janeane Garofalo? 2Outfielders1Glove? Foul Ball? In the first case, no that requires too muck geekiness to be a valid joke, and in the latter two cases, poor execution. I prefer sex jokes over internet jokes and blank space over that stupid pun.
Really, I'd be satisfied if this were as straightforward as the "conversion chart" comic, but some of the jokes stretch the diagram past its effective purpose, and the wax melts before the wings even glide.
Also, just like with the conversion chart, I expect this one to become a poster/printout in all the wrong circles, namely, anyplace where such a poster would be acceptable.
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 8:27 PM
I feel as if this one would have been great if it didn't have the last panel, but then growing up on frequent use of the baseball metaphors gave me copious nostalgia lols.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 9:07 PM
hey randall, wanna do us all a favor and stop coming up with these big comics with diagrams that you know some assholes are just gonna print and put on their dorm room doors/cubicles/gravestones?ReplyDelete
I thought it was pretty good. I wish Randall would go back to making shitty comics, because this blog has become far less entertaining.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 4:12 AM
Hi, I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees the quality of xkcd decreasing. This last one, about sports, was what made me really realise it: xkcd isn't anymore what it used to be. It used to be about geeky (?) thoughts that I had as well, making me realise I wasn't the only one in the world. And there used to be classics, things I could hang up on the wall at my workplace. These days, it's all about current day events, sports, and too much about romance and not enough about the math, sarcasm and language. I miss the old xkcd days!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 8:00 AM
Meh, i have to agree with Cuddlefish. A lot of your jokes recently seem to be something along the lines of 'I AM TYPING IN CAPS. WHILE MOCKING RANDALL. HAR DE HAR DE HAR!' I mean, really, your criticisms are valid, and sometimes your blog is funny, but that joke = Lame.ReplyDelete
Like, not only is that not a 'joke', we've done it... twice in the last five comics? And only once was it even remotely substantial?
Seriously, if your problem with something is that it features writing in all caps, you should probably devote some serious time to introspection. Sit back, relax, contemplate how it is your life has gotten to this point. Consider retiring and becoming a monk. Be at peace, with God and your fellow man.
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 9:01 AM
Rob, I like your ad hominem attacks when I disagree with you! They're so friendly here at xkcd: overrated, and not just blind followers like the people at xkcd are to the opposite side.ReplyDelete
I have agreed with xkcd: overrated in the past. A few times, actually. In fact, there's a link to something I said in one of the recent posts on this site. Today I disagree, I explain why in a polite comment, using perfect english, and you start with the insults.
Here's the deal--I am not the "king of illiteracy" for not reading that you had heard of the metaphor. Because you did write that you hadn't heard of the metaphor.
"I mean, I sure as hell didn't know what the "base" analogy meant."
Other than that, I can't see why you would refer to me as such...other than to be a dick with baseless accusations. Good day to you sir!
This is because you are illiterate, and lack basic reading comprehension skills. Were you capable of finer understanding of the written language, you would note that not one sentence earlier I implied having heard of it before.ReplyDelete
Fun fact: it is quite possible to have heard of something /without knowing what it means./ Indeed, it sees frequent use in pop culture, but often plays on the ambiguity inherent there! Give 'reading comprehension' a try some time, won't you?
Also fun fact: I mostly insult people like you because you're kind of hilarious when you get all riled up and start being like "ZOMG AD HOMINEM" and "I CAN'T SEE WHY YOU WOULD SAY THAT YOU ARE CLEARLY DUMB AND I AM SMART." I giggle at your self-righteous "I AM LOGICAL AND POLITE AND PERFECT AT ENGLISH."
Incidentally, there's a pretty glaring grammatical error in your comment.
Sigh. Well, since this blog has jumped the internet shark of interpersonal hostility (I like metaphors, deal with it)... I won't feel bad providing this link.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 9:26 AM
I'm not riled up. The entire point of that previous comment was to emphasize the extent to which I am not riled up, and point out nicely why what you are doing is alienating people who are reasonable and often agree with you.ReplyDelete
If I can show you what you look like to the outsider--somebody who does not examine the comics with the intent of an honest review and in fact has to stretch to make jokes about why the comics are bad, as previous commentors have noted--perhaps you will change your ways and gather a more considerable following.
As it is, people see zealotry not unlike the Cuddlefish for Randall. Every once and a while you fill in for Carl and you try very hard to mimic his comedy and very hard to think of jokes to make fun of xkcd and very hard to come off as superior to xkcd. And you fail, as you are failing right now.
And as for the baseball analogy...the humor is found in the ambiguity? Like this comic?!
No. Way.
"I am not riled up." Only people who are seething mad say things like that. You know that, right? You and your arch superiority. It's so cuddly!ReplyDelete
Anyway. You make a few false claims, like 'you try very hard.' I really don't! I put very little effort into it, actually, because XKCD is kind of shitty and doesn't merit me putting effort into it. I'm not trying to make jokes, even. I am just writing about the comic and hitting publish. Nor am I trying to emulate Carl's comedy! Actually basically everything you said that I am doing, I don't do. So, congratulations?
In any case, you are quite correct--I'm not honestly reviewing the comics, I am, as I said previously, openly mocking them. Do you forget that you are reading "[a] vitriolic and bitter collection of unwarranted nastiness about a silly and harmless comic?"
As for your "representing the outsider"--I wonder if you can fathom the depths to which I don't care. We're not talking baseline apathy, here, like how you don't really care about that guy behind you missing the subway by a few seconds. Nor is it the sort of apathy that comes when you run into a friend from high school several years later, and find out they've gotten boring as the years wear on, all of the fun and life gone from them, and you just can't bring yourself to care about what they have to say.
No, this is an apathy that fills the dark recesses of my psyche completely and utterly, a choking darkness of apathy, an apathy so deep and total it threatens to overwhelm the senses.
Oh, protip: declaring yourself polite and reasonable is usually the easiest way to make yourself look like a pompous self-righteous douche. I actually actively try to alienate folks like you, so thanks for the word of encouragement.
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 9:51 AM
The apathy shows.ReplyDelete
Poor soul tries to make a Parthian shot and aims at the wrong person.ReplyDelete
I'm not saying I don't care about your existence--I enjoy tormenting you! Especially since you've emasculated yourself into taking out your anger by pretending you're all polite and reasonable. I just don't care what you have to say, especially as regards to 'showing me what I look like to the outsider.'
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 10:11 AM
I'm not leaving. I read xkcd:overrated.ReplyDelete
Parthian shot is a cool phrase, though.
Point of order: Rob, I believe it's considered poor form to troll on your own site.ReplyDelete
But it's so much fun.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 11:53 AM
This hostility makes me feel melancholy in my sad place. :(ReplyDelete
Oh Paddy, I missed your helpful link earlier! Except Google implies that you didn't know something and just made it up, instead of making a factual error. This makes your link not helpful! Fact-checking is for people who think they are not in possession of the facts, and also not for /random asides that have no bearing on the rest of the post./ReplyDelete
Jay: I try to cut back, but then people come and get all offended when I insult them like I do everyone, ever, and I just get so /excited./
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 12:25 PM
I haven't posted here before, but I usually swing by to see your interpretations of xkcd. This thread has really kind of ruined this site for me.ReplyDelete
I really liked the premise that you despise xkcd enough that you made a whole website about it. However, your hostility toward GreaterSteven is so over the top that you are coming across as bitter and insecure about lots more than just xkcd. My level of respect for you has greatly diminished because of it.
I am posting as anonymous only because I don't have a google blogger account, and don't feel like making one. Feel free to respond however you wish.
- andy
Man, people are being all serious on the internet today. What is wrong?ReplyDelete
Rob I believe it is time to make hugs again. HuuuuuuugsReplyDelete
Everyone else: Are you really taking Rob seriously?
Seriously I would suggest we add a disclaimer but nobody ever reads any of the disclaimers on this site.ReplyDelete
None of the fly-by commenters ever really seem to read anything except for the stuff that bothers them. -_-ReplyDelete
Also, PEOPLE WHO POST AS ANON, there is a button you can press where you can enter your name and do not have to declare "I AM ONLY POSTING AS ANON BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A BLOGGER ACCOUNT" YOU DO NOT NEED A BLOGGER ACCOUNT JUST PUSH THE BUTTON
The ones that confuse me are the ones that apparently read the comment threads but still haven't caught on to the fact that I am a simple monster who enjoys tormenting people :(ReplyDelete
Exactly. I don't understand when people say they are regular readers but then get insulted by you.ReplyDelete
Rob if you insulted me now I would probably say "ha ha you are probably fat and alone." And then we would huggle it out.
Okay now I feel bad because I sort of pre-emptively insulted you.ReplyDelete
It's true :(((ReplyDelete
Actually I am skinny and have ridiculous friends. SAME THING???
Yes! Huggles.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 2:23 PM
Well, I was actually more referring to, for instance, " WE'RE QUIRKY...AND WE'RE IN A QUIRKY RELATIONSHIP! A HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" WHY did it have to be all in caps? WHY WHY WHY?!!ReplyDelete
Also, did it ever occur to you that the people who post here are bitter empty shells as well? I sure am.
It's kind of a Dinosaur Comics thing.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 2:29 PM
Oh. Well, I guess that's alright then, 'cuz dinosaur comics is awesome.ReplyDelete
Also a snarky blogging thing, come to think of it. I couldn't really explain it, but all caps alters the tone of something a great deal.ReplyDelete
As for bitter empty shells: don't be sad, Cuddlefis! (do you see what I did there?) This is a website about Caring.
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 2:37 PM
I am NOT a cuddlefish, Ro. How could I be? They are sea-dwelling beasts who can't type.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 3:15 PM
It's not just the insults. When they're funny, go for it!ReplyDelete
It's just the general lack of funny, which, as I said, has been commented on already at several points in this thread.
I'm just the long-winded embodiment of the general disappointment felt by readers who don't think that CAPS ARE AUTOMATICALLY FUNNY.
And I don't care if it's a dinosaur comics thing, really. If I wanted to read dinosaur comics, I would read dinosaur comics. You do attack xkcd for using outside jokes, after all.
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 3:19 PM
Also, what did you mean by " Only twice in the past five comics?' I can see caps in EVERY POST POSTED.ReplyDelete
For example, and I quote:
As you can see, I have proven who is the term-stretching,bitter and lonely critic.
- Some Gu
You'll understand when you're older, Stevey.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 6:52 PM
*posts condescending comment tooled to bother opponent but in actuality is completely pointless and transparent*ReplyDelete
Isn't that what I said I've been doing the whole time?ReplyDelete
Statler and who?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 8, 2009 at 1:49 AM
I miss Carl. Rob week is like when your favorite show fires its writing team and tries very hard to make sure you're not aware of the fact. But despite delivering the same product... it's just not as good.ReplyDelete
Aww thanks K, I love you too! Do you want to go out later, get some coffee, maybe some dinner or something? Or a movie? I'll call you, or you can call me when you're free, it's cool, I know you're busy, just let me know, all right?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 8, 2009 at 7:47 AM
LOL, SEX ON CHARTSReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 8, 2009 at 8:42 AM
Oof. Poor Rob's feeling the heat. I almost feel bad now.ReplyDelete
Nah. You have to expect it when you have a week of abnormally good comics. I mean, cut off the map on this one and you've got a decent comic with creepy-ass art.ReplyDelete
It just happened to coincide with my posting this week, so they have something convenient to blame! When it's Carl writing negative reviews of better-than-Randy's-average comics, they accuse him of jumping the shark or of dishonesty or something.
- AnonymousFebruary 8, 2009 at 10:15 AM
Rob, regular reader here; I hardly ever agree with you guys, but think the site's funny all the same. However, this time your commentary crap. It's not even funny. If I was to criticise this post in the same way you've criticised the comic it would go something like this: "Rob you're a fat lonely bastard, YOUR MUM'S A WHORE and your Dad killed himself because he was disappointed with your failure. Loser." As it is I'd never say such a thing, but I will say that your post is just made of pure fail.ReplyDelete
Now, that's just not accurate. With the possible exception of the paragraph about the creepy-ass art, there's nothing in there which is ad hominem. Did you even read the post? Maybe you are confusing it with my responses to the comments? I know it can be hard to keep them apart, what with the one appearing on the front page and the other clearly being in the comment section.ReplyDelete
Seriously. There is absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about the post itself. If you're going to call my post 'pure fail' could you at least respond to the post?
For those who don't know, the Napoleon's Forces marker is almost undoubtedly a reference to a graph by Charles Joseph Minard that depicts the march of Napoleon's men throughout Napoleon's 1812 invasion of Russia. It's pretty much the most ingenious informational graphic ever designed, so it seems only natural a graph comic like xkcd would EVENTUALLY reference it.ReplyDelete
Not that this reference is actually funny, mind you, it's just fitting with Randall's proclivity for referencing anything that, well, he feels like referencing at the moment.
For information on Minard's graphical mastery, here's the Wikipedia page:
Thank you for that terrible news, Linty.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 8, 2009 at 10:57 AM
OH MAN A BANDWAGON QUICK JUMP ON ITReplyDelete
Wait, what´s with all this junk up above that I only now just looked at :(ReplyDelete
Rob's posts have generally been among my favorites!
- AnonymousFebruary 8, 2009 at 11:09 AM
Number of comments Rob has spawned with his posts over the last week: 152ReplyDelete
Number of comments Carl spawned two weeks ago: 104
The math is irrefutable - Rob is more popular.
It is because I am a monster, Linty. UNFIT 4 LYFE. DOWN WITH ROBReplyDelete
(thanks, guys)
Poore: Are you taking into account and removing comments made on my own posts? Because ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE MY SOCK PUPPETS I mean I have been posting a fair amount.
All this criticism of criticism makes me imagine someone making xkcdsuckssucks, for people who want to talk about how both xkcd and xkcdsucks have gone stale. Then I look and see that, naturally, Carl has already nabbed that URL.ReplyDelete
xkcdsuckssuckssucks is apparently available, however!
- AnonymousFebruary 8, 2009 at 4:31 PM
You know, I never would have predicted this as the most controversial post.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 8, 2009 at 10:03 PM
I DON'T HATE THE NEW COMIC WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ONNNNNReplyDelete
Jay I dunno what's going on either but rest assured we are all disappointed in you here at xkcdsucks.ReplyDelete
Just kidding, I didn't really hate the new one either. But I didn't like it, either.
Boy, Randall's really rockin' his furry references.
Sweet, another "your mom" joke.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 9, 2009 at 9:26 AM
Rob is severely disappointing. I'd much prefer Carl's more intelligent and less hypocritical criticisms.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 9, 2009 at 10:22 AM
Next we're going to see a comic about Randy's secret stash of yiff. I called it.ReplyDelete
Find your own name, jackass. You actually prompted me to register a blogger account.ReplyDelete
Rob 4eva
Man, why do all of the internet people think they can call anything they want hypocritical and be accurate about it? I mean, I am not (1) making baseball sexual while claiming it is anti-sexual; (2) making unnecessarily complicated charts; (3) drawing hovering spider-monstrosity women; (3) making furry references; (4) adding Napoleon's forces to a chart about sex; (5) being deliberately nonsensical. I could go through other posts if you want.ReplyDelete
Hypocrisy refers to "the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform" (thanks, the OAD!)--the closest thing you could possibly come up with is saying my posts aren't funny (which I am not really claiming they are) while I am accusing Randall of also being not funny, which is not hypocrisy, because saying "Randall is not funny" is making absolutely no claims about myself.
I mean, I know it's super fun to throw out 'hypocritical' because it's the only word longer than 'chicken' you know, but you should probably only use it when it actually applies, ie when someone is making claims about standards they don't actually have for themselves.
Jay because of you I will now shout "FIND YOUR OWN NAME, JACKASS" to every Amanda I meet.ReplyDelete
Yeah I dunno why they call you hypocritical either, Rob. Or why they steal names. Maybe they think you are not being the kind of funny that you claim to find funny? But that is just too much thinking.
- AnonymousFebruary 9, 2009 at 7:26 PM
Aww, man, I stole someone's name? That's unfortunate and not cool. I s'pose I'll find a new name to snatch.ReplyDelete
Rob I think it's pretty silly that you attack me and my point before even asking why I feel that way. I'm pondering if you're just that insecure.
No, I just think you're an idiot.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 9, 2009 at 7:45 PM
And all you knew of me is a nickname a few sentences. Once again, how silly.ReplyDelete
More specifically, I knew that you are apparently not clever enough to spot the other person posting named Jay, despite him being a regular poster and having done so multiple times in this very thread, and that you are apparently not clever enough to know how to use the word 'hypocritical' correctly. Also, taking anything, ever, seriously on the internet? Not a sign of genius. (Actually a sign of being an idiot.)ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 9, 2009 at 8:18 PM
Not seeing another poster's name does not really imply lack of intelligence. Not knowing all the regular posters at a website has nothing to do with intelligence. And to be honest, I get distracted and lazy, my apologies for failing to read all the comments here. I was clearly unaware of how much it determined my intelligence.ReplyDelete
As far as accusing me of using hypocritical incorrectly, how would you know? You have no idea what my reasoning behind it is and you haven't bothered to ask.
I think it's silly that you consider me stupid when you entirely ignore any intelligent argument and continually insult those who criticize you. It's kind of adorable to be honest. For some reason it reminds me of an angry bulldog puppy.
(cute is what I am going for so thanks for the compliment!!!!)ReplyDelete
Tee hee, oh, you and your "nothing to do with intelligence." Look, I know you are using it incorrectly because the word hypocritical cannot be applied to my criticisms correctly. It's just not how the word is used. I could go through the earlier ones if you like and point out all the ways I am not making claims to moral standards I don't actually have.
See, there's this thing we have in the English language, it is called definitions. Have you heard of them? They are what words mean! Hypocritical has a definition, which means it actually means something! That means that, when someone uses the word, people can understand what he means /without him ever explaining it/!!!!!!!! It's pretty neat, they just thought of it a few weeks ago.
Unfortunately that means you can't hold anybody hostage to your definitions and say "wow you are so hypocritical" and then just smugly sit back and be like "ha ha he doesn't know what I mean because I haven't explained it."
Anyway, I insult people because the intelligent folks out there spot that I am just being a dick, for laughs, and the rest of them provide more opportunity for said laughs, because people who take things seriously on the internet are kind of hilarious!
The thing is, the actual /thing/ is, 'Rob's posts are more hypocritical and less intelligent,' is not an intelligent argument. It's kind of just a random insult! Those aren't very useful to anyone, but they are good for a laugh! So I make fun of it, for laughs.
Even if you put reasoning behind it, it wouldn't have anything useful to say, because (a) I am not trying to be intelligent (b) I am not trying to make any moral claims (c) I don't really care if I am hypocritical about a webcomic (d) THIS IS THE INTERNET. So while I'm sure you're just chomping at the bit for me to ask you to loose the full fury of your poorly written words on me, defending your misuse of the word hypocrite in painstaking detail, I'm just not interested! But I will keep mocking you.
Incidentally points abcd above are kind of why I "ignore" any "intelligent argument" and continually insult those who "criticize" me--they are really not attacking points I care about! Also, taking arguing seriously on the internet? Next you'll be calling it a 'debate.' I used to do that, actually! Then I /stopped being 17./
Rob, you're going about this wrong. You need to report Jfish to the authorities; his hypocrisy charge might break local laws for concealed weaponry!ReplyDelete
You a cop? You have to tell me if you're a cop.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousFebruary 19, 2009 at 9:39 AM
In the middle of 3rd base, I got the binary joke.ReplyDelete
It made me laugh.
I'm late, really late, but:ReplyDelete
Napolean's forces is a play on the "orgasm line" and the "maginot line".
seriously...your critiques can be terrible
rob wrote this one! not me! I totally agree that rob sucks!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 27, 2009 at 2:16 PM
Rob, you are a complete failure at life if you have to poorly mock a comic strip just because your inferior mind cannot readily understand it. Get your head out of your ass before it effects your judgement too much more and you're reduced to a creature with less brains than the jellyfish. Though I doubt that'll help because your vocabulary suggests you have a monkey helping you with word choice.ReplyDelete
Great, I have every comics art book available, gotta go get it! I met Randy and his Old museum in South Africa. Great person and he loved that drawings . I enjoyed this post very much, Thank You.ReplyDelete


text:
Let's call it the baby sitter's dilemma.
If you go to someone's house and pick up the TV remote, chances are, you won't know how it works. You know the situation's bad when even a tech writer who also majored in physics at an Ivy League school is confused by her own TV remote.
"It's unbearable to me," moans Ars Technica writer Casey Johnston, of her remote's many cryptic buttons. "Sub.code? Comp/mix? I couldn't even tell you what one of those things do, but then assign them to the same button? It just doesn't make any sense."
So why, at a moment when both technology and TV shows are so terrific, are interfaces so clumsy and counterintuitive?
By interfaces, I mean both the actual, super-inscrutable remote controls and the unwieldy grid on our screens that many of us are forced to navigate to find what we want to watch.
And I have to confess the entire idea for this piece was inspired by Alan Wolk. His official title is global lead analyst at KIT Digital, and he writes a terrific blog called The Toad Stool. That's where I read his essay, "The TV Business: A Primer For The Uninformed," which elegantly points out how inelegant our TV interfaces are.
Wolk says our interfaces were designed to handle only six or seven channels, not 600 or 700. And there simply hasn't been enough incentive from the industry side to improve them. He predicts in the next few years, tablets like iPads will be the new remote and grid wrapped up in one.
"And that will finally give you a keyboard," he notes. "So if you're searching for a show, you can type it in instead of doing that awkward thing where you have to use the remote to move from letter to letter."
Jeremy Toeman agrees. "That grid guide that takes 15 seconds for every screen you're trying to load is just a pain," says Toeman, a tech entrepreneur among those helping turn tablets into something better than the next generation of remote controls. His company, Dijit, designed an app called NextGuide. It prioritizes shows you watch and lets you filter channels you're uninterested in. It includes Netflix. You can program it to record some programs remotely.
The Internet lets you do so much more with a tablet while watching TV. People watching NFL games might automatically receive statistics and information about players. Or if you're watching a drama, you can connect with other fans in real time on social media. All this sounds great to network executives like Jesse Redniss, senior vice president of digital for USA Network.
"Right now there really isn't a way we can use the grid to help market new people into our programming," he says, adding that tablets will open up new possibilities for cable channels and companies. "How do we gather as much information as we can about certain people, target demographics, and how do we create content that would interest them?"
So while you and I are watching TV in the very near future, our remotes will be watching us.
Call it the babysitter's dilemma. You want to watch TV but you can't figure out how to work someone else's remote. NPR's Neda Ulaby wondered why television remotes are so clumsy and not very unintuitive, right when technology and TV shows are so good.
NEDA ULABY, BYLINE: There's a simple reason why our television remotes are not cutting it. They were designed to handle only six or seven channels.
ULABY: Casey Johnston writes about technology and she has a degree in physics from Columbia University. But even for her, using a TV remote is...
CASEY JOHNSTON: Exhausting. It's unbearable to me.
ULABY: Right now she's holding a remote covered with buttons. Some of the labels are so cryptic she has no idea what they do.
JOHNSTON: Sub dot code, comp slash mix. I couldn't even tell you what one of those things do, but to then assign them to the same button is - just doesn't make any sense.
ULABY: And it makes even less if you happen to be three years old and don't know how to read.
JOHN PERULI-ALMOND: Monster show.
ULABY: Twenty five years ago, a toddler like John Peruli-Almond would have needed only to turn a knob. Now he needs his dads to help him watch TV.
PERULI-ALMOND: A monster.
NICK PERULI: That's your favorite?
PERULI-ALMOND: Yeah.
ULABY: The average American watches over five hours of TV every day. So you'd think some smart person would figure out how make it easier to navigate. One of John's dads, Nick Peruli, wishes the remote could somehow tell when his son picks it up.
PERULI: So it would avoid going to channels that he can't watch.
ULABY: Like AMC when it's airing "The Walking Dead." How great if it went instead straight to channels for kids?
PERULI: The Hub and Boomerang, Sprout...
UNIDENTIFIED MAN #3: Nick Jr.
PERULI: Yeah.
ULABY: The remote is a problem. But so is the grid. That's the unwieldy list of shows and the tiresome ways to navigate them, says tech entertainer Jeremy Toeman.
JEREMY TOEMAN: In this era of 500 or more channels, plus DVRs, plus video on demand, plus Netflix and everything else, navigating that grid guide - which takes like 15 seconds every screen you're trying to load - is just a pain.
ULABY: Toeman's company designed an app called Next Guide. It helps turn a tablet, like an iPad, into something better than a remote control. It mostly brings up the shows you watch and filters out stuff you don't like. It includes Netflix. You can record some shows remotely.
Tablets are the future of the grid and the remote, says technology analyst Alan Wolk.
ALAN WOLK: And then that will finally give you a keyboard. So that if you're searching for a show you can type it in, instead of doing that awkward thing where you have to sort of use the remote to go from letter to letter.
ULABY: Wolk says cable companies will actually save money by sending out tablets, because they'll be better than those old fashioned remotes and set top boxes.
WOLK: A) They're hard to upgrade and B) they actually require somebody physically coming to your house, taking it away and putting in a new one. So it's a really expensive thing to upgrade. Whereas with a tablet, you know, they can send it to you in the mail and they can upgrade the apps over the Internet.
ULABY: The Internet lets you do so much more with a tablet when you watch TV than a remote control.
WOLK: If you're watching an NFL game, they'll automatically send you the stats and the players and thing like that.
ULABY: Or if you're watching a drama, you can connect with other fans in real time on social media.
All this sounds great to network executives like Jesse Rednis. He's senior vice president of digital for USA Network
JESSE REDNIS: Right now there really isn't a way in which we can use the grid to help market new people into our programming.
ULABY: Tablets will open up new possibilities for cable channels and companies.
REDNIS: How do we gather as much info as we can about certain people? You know, target demographics. And then how do we start creating content that would basically interest them in what our show is about?
ULABY: So while you and I are watching TV, in the very near future our remotes will be watching us.
Neda Ulaby, NPR News. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Types of handbags
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A needle biopsy of the lung or pleura is done to remove a sample of lung or pleural tissue. Pleura is the lining of the lungs and chest wall. Once the tissue is removed, it will be examined in a lab. If there is a collection of fluid around the lung, a sample of fluid may also be taken at the time of the biopsy.
Reasons for Procedure
This procedure is used to diagnose abnormal tissue in or around the lung. Possible reasons for abnormal tissue are:
- Noncancerous tumors
- Cancer
- Lung tissue scarring
- Pneumonia
- Other lung infections, such as tuberculosis or histoplasmosis
- As a consequence of certain systemic diseases, such as rheumatoid arthritis , sarcoidosis , or granulomatosis with polyangiitis
Possible Complications
Problems from the procedure are infrequent, but all procedures have some risk. Your doctor will review potential problems, like:
- Collapsed lung
- Bleeding
- Air leaking outside the lungs
- Infection
- Damage to the liver or spleen
Factors that may increase the risk of complications include:
Make sure to tell your doctor if you are pregnant.
What to Expect
Prior to Procedure
Images of the chest and lungs may be taken with:
Leading up to your procedure, do not start taking any new medications without consulting your doctor.
Talk to your doctor about your medications. You may be asked to stop taking some medications up to 1 week before the procedure.
- You may receive a mild sedative about an hour before the procedure. It will help you relax.
- You may also have an injection of a local anesthetic. It will numb the area where the needle will be inserted.
Description of the Procedure
Your skin will be cleaned with an antiseptic solution. You will be in a seated position, leaning forward, with your arms resting on a table for support. You should remain as still as possible. An ultrasound or CT scan will be used to locate the exact area.
A small cut will be made in your skin. Then, while you hold your breath, the biopsy needle will be inserted through the cut. The needle will be passed between your ribs until it reaches the lung or pleura. Some cells will be withdrawn through the biopsy needle. The needle will be withdrawn. Pressure will be put on the site of the incision. When the bleeding stops, a bandage will be applied.
How Long Will It Take?
30-60 minutes
How Much Will It Hurt?
- Before the procedure, when the local anesthetic is injected, you may feel a brief sting.
- During the procedure, when the needle is inserted, you will probably feel some pressure. If you are having a lung biopsy, you will feel a quick, sharp pain when the needle touches your lung.
Post-procedure Care
- You will rest for several hours after the procedure. Your recovery will be monitored.
- A few hours after the procedure, a chest x-ray or other imaging technique may be done. This is done to make sure a lung has not collapsed and that there is no bleeding.
- If there are no complications after 4 hours, you may go home.
Your activity may be restricted for up to 1 week. Follow your doctor's instructions.
Call Your Doctor
It is important to monitor your recovery. Alert your doctor to any problems. If any of the following occurs, call your doctor:
- Signs of infection, including fever and chills
- Redness, swelling, increasing pain, excessive bleeding, or any discharge from the incision site
- Pain that you cannot control with the medications you've been given
- Cough, shortness of breath, or chest pain
- Coughing up blood
- Pain when taking a deep breath
- You feel your heart rate is fast
If you think you have an emergency, call for medical help right away.
Revision Information
- Reviewer: EBSCO Medical Review Board David A. Ostrovsky, MD
- Review Date: 03/2018 -
- Update Date: 03/15/2013 -


text:
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SEC401: Security Essentials Bootcamp Style Waitlist
Mon, June 12 - Sat, June 17, 2017
- Contents | Additional Info
- Instructor: Ian Reynolds
- 46 CPEs
- Laptop Required
Excellent material for security professionals wanting a deeper level of knowledge on how to implement security policies, procedures, and defensive mechanisms in an organization.
SEC401 provides an excellent overview of security fundamentals delivered by experienced industry professionals.
Learn the most effective steps to prevent attacks and detect adversaries with actionable techniques that you can directly apply when you get back to work. Learn tips and tricks from the experts so that you can win the battle against the wide range of cyber adversaries that want to harm your environment.
Is SEC401: Security Essentials Bootcamp Style the right course for you?
STOP and ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you fully understand why some organizations get compromised and others do not?
- If there were compromised systems on your network, are you confident that you would be able to find them?
- Do you know the effectiveness of each security device and are you certain that they are all configured correctly?
- Are proper security metrics set up and communicated to your executives to drive security decisions?
If you do not know the answers to these questions, SEC401 course will provide the information security training you need in a bootcamp-style format that is reinforced with hands-on labs.
You Will Learn:
- To develop effective security metrics that provide a focused playbook that IT can implement, auditors can validate, and executives can understand
- To analyze and assess the risk to your environment in order to drive the creation of a security roadmap that focuses on the right areas of security
- Practical tips and tricks to focus in on high-priority security problems within your organization and on doing the right things that will lead to security solutions that work
- Why some organizations are winning and some are losing when it comes to security and, most importantly, how to be on the winning side
- The core areas of security and how to create a security program that is anchored on PREVENT-DETECT-RESPOND.
Learn to build a security roadmap that can scale today and into the future.
SEC401: Security Essentials Bootcamp Style is focused on teaching you the essential information security skills and techniques you need to protect and secure your organization's critical information assets and business systems. Our course will show you how to prevent your organization's security problems from being headline news in the Wall Street Journal!
"Prevention is Ideal but Detection is a Must."
With the rise in advanced persistent threats, it is almost inevitable that organizations will be targeted. Whether the attacker is successful in penetrating an organization's network depends on the effectiveness of the organization's defense. Defending against attacks is an ongoing challenge, with new threats emerging all of the time, including the next generation of threats. Organizations need to understand what really works in cybersecurity. What has worked, and will always work, is taking a risk-based approach to cyber defense. Before your organization spends a dollar of its IT budget or allocates any resources or time to anything in the name of cybersecurity, three questions must be answered:
- What is the risk?
- Is it the highest priority risk?
- What is the most cost-effective way to reduce the risk?
Security is all about making sure you focus on the right areas of defense. In SEC401 you will learn the language and underlying theory of computer and information security. You will gain the essential and effective security knowledge you will need if you are given the responsibility for securing systems and/or organizations. This course meets both of the key promises SANS makes to our students: (1) You will learn up-to-the-minute skills you can put into practice immediately upon returning to work; and (2) You will be taught by the best security instructors in the industry.
Assessment Available
Test your security knowledge with our free SANS Security Essentials Assessment Test.
This course prepares you for the GSEC certification that meets the requirement of the DoD 8570 IAT Level 2.
Please plan to arrive early on Day 1 (8:30AM-Local Time) for lab preparation and set-up. The additional time is needed as the labs require the installation of both a Linux and Windows Virtual Machine (VM) and extensive copying of files in order to run and complete the labs successfully. The Instructor will be available to assist students with lab prep and set-up from 8:30AM-9:00AM. Class lecture will start at 9AM. (Excludes vLive and Mentor)
Course Content Overlap Notice:
Please note that some course material for SEC401 and MGT512 may overlap. We recommend SEC401 for those interested in a more technical course of study, and MGT512 for those primarily interested in a leadership-oriented but less technical learning experience.
Course Syllabus
SEC401.1: Networking Concepts
Ian Reynolds
Mon Jun 12th, 2017
A key way that attackers gain access to a company's resources is through a network connected to the Internet. A company wants to try to prevent as many attacks as possible, but in cases where it cannot prevent an attack, it must detect it in a timely manner. Therefore, an understanding of how networks and the related protocols like TCP/IP work is critical to being able to analyze network traffic and determine what is hostile. It is just as important to know how to protect against these attacks using devices such as routers and firewalls. These essentials, and more, will be covered during this course day in order to provide a firm foundation for the consecutive days of training.
CPE/CMU Credits: 8
Setting Up a Lab with Virtual Machines
- Use
- Implementation
- Security
Network Fundamentals
- Network types (LANs, WANs)
- Network topologies
- LAN protocols
- WAN protocols
- Network devices
IP Concepts
- Packets and addresses
- IP service ports
- IP protocols
IP Behavior
- TCP dump
- Recognizing and understanding
- UDP behavior
Virtual Machines
- Use
- Implementation
- Security
SEC401.2: Defense In-Depth
Ian Reynolds
Tue Jun 13th, 2017
To secure an enterprise network, you must have an understanding of the general principles of network security. In this course, you will learn about six key areas of network security. The day starts with information assurance foundations. Students look at both current and historical computer security threats, and how they have impacted confidentiality, integrity, and availability. The first half of the day also covers creating sound security policies and password management, including tools for password strength on both Unix and Windows platforms. The second half of the day is spent on understanding the information warfare threat and the six steps of incident handling. The day draws to a close by looking at attack strategies and how the offense operates.
CPE/CMU Credits: 8
Information Assurance Foundations
- Defense in-depth
- Confidentiality, integrity, and availability
- Risk model
- Authentication vs. authorization
- Vulnerabilities
- Defense in-depth
Computer Security Policies
- Elements when well written
- How policies serve as insurance
- Roles and responsibilities
Contingency and Continuity Planning
- Business continuity planning (BCP)
- Disaster recovery planning (DRP)
- Business impact analysis
Access Control
- Data classification
- Authentication, authorization, accountability (AAA)
- MAC and DAC
Password Management
- Password cracking for Windows and Unix
- Alternate forms of authentication (tokens, biometrics)
- Single sign-on and RADIUS
Incident Response (IR)
- Preparation, identification, and containment
- Eradication, recovery, and lessons learned
- Investigation techniques and computer crime
- Legal issues associated with IR
Offensive and Defensive Information Warfare (IW)
- Types of IW
- Asymmetric warfare
- Offensive goals
Attack Strategies and Methods
- How the adversary breaks into systems
- Mitnick attack
- Attack methods
SEC401.3: Internet Security Technologies
Ian Reynolds
Wed Jun 14th, 2017
Military agencies, banks, and retailers offering electronic commerce programs, as well as dozens of other types of organizations, are striving to understand the threats they are facing and what they can do to address those threats. On day 3, you will be provided with a roadmap to help you understand the paths available to organizations that are considering deploying or planning to deploy various security devices and tools such as intrusion detection systems and firewalls. When it comes to securing your enterprise, there is no single technology that is going to solve all your security issues. However, by implementing an in-depth defense strategy that includes multiple risk-reducing measures, you can go a long way toward securing your enterprise.
CPE/CMU Credits: 8
Vulnerability Scanning and Remediation
- Approaches and methods of remediation
- Building a network visibility map
- Host identification
- Port scanning
- Vulnerability scanning
- Penetration testing
Web Security
- Web communication
- Web security protocols
- Active content
- Cracking web applications
- Web application defenses
Firewalls and Perimeters
- Types of firewalls
- Pros and cons of firewalls
- Firewall placement
- Packet filtering, stateful, and proxies
- Forensics
- Honeypots
- Honeynets
- Honey tokens
Host-based Protection
- Intrusion detection
- Intrusion prevention
- Tripwire
- Pros and cons
Network-based Intrusion Detection and Prevention
- Pros and cons
- Deployment strategies
- Snort
- Development and advances
SEC401.4: Secure Communications
Ian Reynolds
Thu Jun 15th, 2017
There is no silver bullet when it comes to security. However, there is one technology that would help solve a lot of security issues, though few companies deploy it correctly. This technology is cryptography. Concealing the meaning of a message can prevent unauthorized parties from reading sensitive information. Day 4 looks at various aspects of encryption and how it can be used to secure a company's assets. A related area called steganography, or information hiding, is also covered. The day finishes by looking at using the Critical Security Controls for metrics based dashboards and performing risk assessment across an organization.
CPE/CMU Credits: 8
- Need for cryptography
- Types of encryption
- Symmetric
- Asymmetric
- Hash
- Ciphers
- Digital substitution
- Algorithms
- Real-world cryptosystems
- Crypto attacks
- VPNs
- Types of remote access
- Digital certificates
- Key escrow
- Types
- Applications
- Detection
Critical Security Controls
- Overview of the controls
- Implementing the controls
- Auditing the Controls
- Specific controls and metrics
Risk Assessment and Auditing
- Risk assessment methodology
- Risk approaches
- Calculating risk
SEC401.5: Windows Security
Ian Reynolds
Fri Jun 16th, 2017
Windows is the most widely-used and hacked operating system on the planet. At the same time, the complexities of Active Directory, PKI, BitLocker, AppLocker, and User Account Control represent both challenges and opportunities. This section will help you quickly master the world of Windows security while showing you the tools that can simplify and automate your work. You will complete the day with a solid grounding in Windows security, by looking at automation, auditing and forensics.
CPE/CMU Credits: 8
Security Infrastructure
- Windows family of operating systems
- Workgroups and local accounts
- What is Active Directory?
- Domain users and groups
- Kerberos, NTLMv2, smart cards
- Forests and trusts
- What is group policy?
Service Packs, Patches, and Backups
- Service packs
- E-mail security bulletins
- Patch installation
- Automatic updates
- Windows server update services
- Windows backup
- System restore
- Device driver rollback
Permissions and User Rights
- NTFS permissions
- File and print sharing service
- Shared folders
- BitLocker drive encryption
Security Policies and Templates
- Group policy objects
- Password policy
- Lockout policy
- Anonymous access
- Software restriction policies
Securing Network Services
- Firewalls and packet filtering
- IPSec and VPNs
- Wireless networking
- Security configuration wizard
- Remote desktop protocol (RDP)
Auditing and Automation
- Microsoft baseline security analyzer
- Windows event logs
- NTFS and registry auditing
- IIS logging
- Creating system baselines
- Scripting tools
- Scheduling jobs
SEC401.6: Unix/Linux Security
Ian Reynolds
Sat Jun 17th, 2017
While organizations do not have as many Unix/Linux systems, those that they do have are often some of the most critical systems that need to be protected. Day 6 provides step-by-step guidance to improve the security of any Linux system. The course combines practical "how to" instructions with background information for Linux beginners, as well as security advice and best practices for administrators of all levels of expertise.
CPE/CMU Credits: 6
Linux Landscape
- Different variants of and uses for Linux
- Ways processes are started
- Network interface information
- Process information
- Directory hierarchy
- Partitions and OS installation
Permissions and User Accounts
- Setting permissions
- SUID and SGID
- Controlling access
- Root vs. user accounts
- Setting password controls
- Pluggable authentication module (PAM)
Linux OS Security
- Dangerous services
- Helpful services
- Running and stopping programs
- Configuration changes and restarting services
- File system permissions, ownership, and systems
- Mounting drives
Maintenance, Monitoring, and Auditing Linux
- Common causes of compromise
- Patching
- Backing up data
- Syslog
- Analyzing log files
- Other logging
Linux Security Tools
- File integrity verifications
- Chkrootkit
- CIS hardening guides
- Bastille linux
- Sniffers
- Snort
Additional Information
To give you an idea of the effectiveness of the course, here is what a few former students have said about it:
"SEC401 provides an excellent overview of security fundamentals delivered by experienced industry professionals." - Jathan Watso, Department of Finance
"Excellent material for security professionals wanting a deeper level of knowledge on how to implement security policies, procedures, and defensive mechanisms in an org." - Brandon Smit, Dynetics
"SEC401 took what I thought I knew and truly explained everything to me. Now, I also UNDERSTAND the security essentials fundamentals and how/why we apply them. Loved the training, cannot wait to come back for more." - Nicholas Blanton, ManTech International
Laptop Required
Security 401: Security Essentials Bootcamp Style consists of course instructions and hands-on sessions. To reinforce the skills covered in class and gain experience with the tools needed to implement effective security, there are hands-on labs every day. These lab sessions are designed to enable students to use the knowledge gained throughout the course in an instructor-led environment. Students will have the opportunity to install, configure, and utilize the tools and techniques that they have learned. In class you will receive a USB drive with 2 virtual machines, but it is critical that you have a properly configured system prior to class.
IMPORTANT: You can use any 64-bit version of Windows, Mac OSX, or Linux as your core operating system that also can install and run VMware virtualization products. You also must have a minimum of 8 GB of RAM or higher for the VM's to function properly in the class. A VMware product must also be installed prior to coming to class. Verify that under BIOS, Virtual Support is ENABLED.
Mandatory System Requirements
- System running Windows 64-bit version
- At least 8 GB RAM
- 50 GB of available disk space (more space is recommended)
- Administrator access to the operating system and all security software installed.
- Anti-virus software will need to be disabled in order to install some of the tools.
- An available USB port.
- Machines should NOT contain any personal or company data.
- Verify that under BIOS, Virtual Support is ENABLED.
Mandatory Downloads prior to coming to class:
- Installed 64-bit host operating systems (Windows is recommended)
- Download and install VMware Workstation 11, VMware Fusion 7, or VMware Player 7 or higher versions on your system prior to class beginning.
It is critical that your CPU and operating system support 64-bit so that our 64-bit guest virtual machine will run on your laptop. VMware provides a free tool for Windows and Linux that will detect whether or not your host supports 64-bit guest virtual machines. For further troubleshooting, this article also provides good instructions for Windows users to determine more about the CPU and OS capabilities. For Macs, please use this support page from Apple to determine 64-bit capability.
Please download and install VMware Workstation 11, VMware Fusion 7, or VMware Player 7 or higher versions on your system prior to class beginning. If you do not own a licensed copy of VMware Workstation or Fusion, you can download a free 30-day trial copy from VMware. VMware will send you a time-limited serial number if you register for the trial at their website.
SEC401 Checklist
I have confirmed that:
- The system is running a 64-bit operating system
- I have administrator access to the operating system
- Anti-virus is disabled
- The system includes a working USB port
- I downloaded and installed the VMWare Player
If you have additional questions about the laptop specifications, please contact email@example.com.
Who Should Attend
Anyone who works in security, is interested in security, or has to understand security should take this course, including:
- Security professionals who want to fill the gaps in their understanding of technical information security
- Managers who want to understand information security beyond simple terminology and concepts
- Operations personnel who do not have security as their primary job function but need an understanding of security to be effective
- IT engineers and supervisors who need to know how to build a defensible network against attacks
- Administrators responsible for building and maintaining systems that are being targeted by attackers
- Forensic analysts, penetration testers, and auditors who need a solid foundation of security principles so they can be as effective as possible at their jobs
- Anyone new to information security with some background in information systems and networking.
SEC401 Security Essentials Bootcamp Style covers all of the core areas of security and assumes a basic understanding of technology, networks, and security. For those who are brand new to the field with no background knowledge, SEC301: Intro to Information Security would be the recommended starting point. While SEC301 is not a prerequisite, it will provide the introductory knowledge that will help maximize the experience with SEC401.
Other Courses People Have Taken
Other Courses People Have Taken
For those who are more advanced, SEC501: Enterprise Defender might be the more appropriate course to take.
What You Will Receive
- Course books with labs
- Windows 10 license
- TCP/IP reference guide
- MP3 audio files of the complete course lecture
You Will Be Able To
- Apply what you learned directly to your job when you go back to work
- Design and build a network architecture using VLANs, NAC, and 802.1x based on advanced persistent threat indicators of compromise
- Run Windows command line tools to analyze the system looking for high-risk items
- Run Linux command line tools (ps, ls, netstat, etc.) and basic scripting to automate the running of programs to perform continuous monitoring of various tools
- Install VMWare and create virtual machines to create a virtual lab to test and evaluate tools/security of systems
- Create an effective policy that can be enforced within an organization and design a checklist to validate security and create metrics to tie into training and awareness
- Identify visible weaknesses of a system using various tools and, once vulnerabilities are discovered, cover ways to configure the system to be more secure
- Build a network visibility map that can be used for hardening of a network - validating the attack surface and covering ways to reduce that surface by hardening and patching
- Sniff open protocols like telnet and ftp and determine the content, passwords, and vulnerabilities using WireShark.
Hands-on Training
SEC401 is an interactive hands-on training course. The following are some of the lab activities that students will carry out:
- Setup of virtual lab environment
- Windows/Linux tutorial
- TCP dump analysis
- WireShark decoding of VoIP traffic
- Password cracking
- Host-based discovery with Dumpsec
- Hashing to preserve digital evidence
- Analyzing networks with hping and nmap
- Event correlation with Splunk
- Use of steganography tools
- Securing a Windows system with MBSA and SCA
Author Statement
"One of the things I love to hear from students after teaching Security 401 is 'I have worked in security for many years and after taking this course I realized how much I did not know.' With the latest version of Security Essentials and the Bootcamp, we have really captured the critical aspects of security and enhanced those topics with examples to drive home the key points. After you have attended Security 401, I am confident you will walk away with solutions to problems you have had for a while, plus solutions to problems you did not even know you had."
- Eric Cole


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Principal Proposed Uses
Other Proposed Uses
- Chemical Dependency
- Muscle Aches (Topical)
The herb rosemary has been used as a food spice and as a medicine since ancient times. Traditional medicinal uses of rosemary leaf preparations taken internally include digestive distress, headaches, and anxiety. The fragrance of rosemary leaf has been said to enhance memory. Rosemary oil was applied to the skin to treat muscle and joint pain and taken internally to promote abortions.
What Is Rosemary Used for Today?
Germany's Commission E has approved rosemary leaf for treatment of dyspepsia (non-specific digestive distress) and rosemary oil (used externally) for joint pain and poor circulation. However, there is no meaningful scientific evidence that rosemary is effective for any of these uses. Only double-blind , placebo-controlled studies can prove that a treatment really works, and no studies of this type have found rosemary effective. (For information on why such studies are essential, see Why Does This Database Rely on Double-blind Studies? )
Rosemary essential oil, like many essential oils, has antimicrobial properties when it comes in direct contact with bacteria and other microorganisms. 1-5 Note, however, that is does not mean that rosemary oil is an antibiotic. Antibiotics are substances that can be taken internally to kill microorganisms throughout the body. Rosemary oil, rather, has shown potential antiseptic properties.
One animal study found evidence that rosemary might help withdrawal from narcotics. 6
Even weaker evidence hints that rosemary or its constituents may have antithrombotic ("blood thinning"), 7anticancer , 8-11 diuretic, 12 liver-protective, 13-15 and ulcer-protective effects. 16
Rosmarinic acid from rosemary has shown potential anti-inflammatory and anti-allergic actions, but most published studies (including double-blind trials) have used a different plant source of the substance (the herb Perilla frutescens ). 17-22
One controlled study failed to find rosemary cream protective against skin irritation caused by sodium lauryl-sulfate (a common ingredient of cosmetic products). 23
Rosemary essential oil has been used in aromatherapy (treating conditions through scent). One controlled study evaluated rosemary aromatherapy for enhancing memory, but found results that were mixed at best. 24 Another study failed to find that rosemary aromatherapy reduced tension during an anxiety-provoking task; in fact, it appeared that use of rosemary actually increased anxiety. 25
A typical dosage of rosemary leaf is 4-6 grams daily. Rosemary essential oil should not be used internally.
Safety Issues
Although rosemary's use as a food spice suggests a relatively low level of toxicity, rosemary has not undergone comprehensive safety testing. Rosemary essential oil can be toxic if taken even in fairly low doses, and the maximum safe dose is not known.
Based on its traditional use for abortion, as well as preliminary evidence showing embryotoxic effects, 26 rosemary should not be used by pregnant women or women who wish to become pregnant.
One study suggests that rosemary may have diuretic effects. 12 If it does, the herb could theoretically present risks in people taking the medication lithium . 27
Other weak evidence hints that rosemary may enhance the liver's rate of deactivating estrogen in the body. 28 This suggests that rosemary might present risks for females, as well as anyone who uses medications containing estrogen.
Additionally, one study hints that rosemary might worsen blood sugar control in people with diabetes . 29
Interactions You Should Know About
If you are taking:
Revision Information
- Reviewer: EBSCO CAM Review Board
- Review Date: 12/2015 -
- Update Date: 12/15/2015 -


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The Destroyer
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This is the amplicon context sequence in accordance with the minimum information for the publication of real-time quantitative PCR experiements (MIQE) guidelines. For more details, please refer to the following publication, "Primer Sequence Disclosure: A Clarification of the MIQE Guidelines."
Real-time PCR primer assay designed for SYBR® Green gene expression analysis.
PrimePCR™ PreAmp for SYBR® Green Assay: OR2A5, Dog
PrimePCR™ Template for SYBR® Green Assay: OR2A5, Dog
Assay Information
Gene Information
Olfactory receptors interact with odorant molecules in the nose, to initiate a neuronal response that triggers the perception of a smell. The olfactory receptor proteins are members of a large family of G-protein-coupled receptors (GPCR) arising from single coding-exon genes. Olfactory receptors share a 7-transmembrane domain structure with many neurotransmitter and hormone receptors and are responsible for the recognition and G protein-mediated transduction of odorant signals. The olfactory receptor gene family is the largest in the genome. The nomenclature assigned to the olfactory receptor genes and proteins for this organism is independent of other organisms. [provided by RefSeq, Jul 2008]


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Let's go camping
Facts and figures are fine, but juicy little tidbits — stories behind the story — are what I'm trolling for at every event that I cover. Here are a few gleaned from Campy Couture, the cocktail party and fashion show held at Saks Fifth Avenue Cherry Creek to kick off Janet's Camp 2007.
* Every football fan in town knows what a star safety John Lynch is for the Denver Broncos, but how many knew that his wife, Linda, used to compete on the pro tennis tour?
* Milan Hejduk and his wife, Zlata, met in high school in their native Czech Republic.
* Realtor Rollie Jordan was at the event with boyfriend Bruce Granger to see her son Rhett's girlfriend, Reyna Bryan, model in the show. Since it also was Rollie's birthday, she and Bruce went on to Barolo Grill for a celebratory dinner.
Janet's Camp debuted in 2006, when Galloway Group principal Jean Galloway contacted Janet Elway about lending her name to a fund-raising effort on behalf of the YMCA of Metropolitan Denver. Elway didn't hesitate to say "yes."
"She said, 'Not only will I lend my name, I'll do whatever it takes" to raise as much money as possible, Galloway related to the 200-some who'd gathered in the Saks couture department.
The result was a night of fun and games at Elway's home in Cherry Hills Village. It raised $111,000 — enough to send 228 inner-city children to the Y's summer day camp.
Janet's Camp 2007 will be on June 9, again at Elway's home. There will be food, games, a swimsuit fashion show and more. "It'll be a hoedown the likes of which this city has never seen," Galloway promised.
For the kickoff, guests were treated to champagne, martinis and tasty nibbles from Epicurean Catering, plus a fashion show featuring both pro and celebrity models.
In the latter category: Peggy Shanahan, wife of Denver Broncos head coach Mike Shanahan; former Bronco Ed McCaffrey and his wife, Lisa; Colorado Mammoth head coach Gary Gait and his wife, Nicole; the Lynches, Hejduks and Janet Elway.
Wells Fargo Bank is the presenting sponsor for Janet's Camp and regional chief Tom Honig was on hand for the kickoff with his wife, Dianne. He observed that the YMCA is a longtime Wells Fargo client — and that he hoped to sign up new depositors as a result of the benefit. "I've locked the doors (to Saks) and have plenty of deposit slips available," he joked.
Store manager Kay Cline not only hosted the show, she advised anyone interested in shopping that a portion of the night's sales would go to Janet's Camp.
Guests included CBS4 General Manager Walt DeHaven with fiancee Wendy Aiello; Wells Fargo VPs Pat Cortez and Jan Chase; Sassy Radio personality Gloria Neal, who emceed the show; and Mark and Wendy Brodsky, who won a basket of Revive skin care products in a prize drawing.
Others pledging their support were Julie Kucera, Gail Johnson, Kristina Davidson, Pamela O'Neal, Adrienne Fitzgibbons, Manuel Martinez, Mark Cordova, Heather Dines, Angela Baier, Andrea Bankoff, CeeCee Allen, Jenny Scott, Hayley Cross, Louise Richardson, Keri Christiansen, Maureen Regan, Josh Hanfling, Susan Napheys, Steve Perkins, and Nastassia Zappolo.
Pictures from Campy Couture can be viewed at denverpost.com/SeenGallery.
Society editor Joanne Davidson's column appears every Sunday, Wednesday and Friday in the Scene section. She can be reached at 303-809-1314 or email@example.com. Janet Elway's affection for the Y began as a child, when she learned to swim in a YMCA pool. Joanne is enthusiastic in her support of Janet's efforts on behalf of the Y, even though she learned how to swim in the Russian River of Northern California.


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Johnny would no doubt be proud.
Ask Bill Pekin what his Appleseed Fund does better than anyone else, and the portfolio manager has a ready answer.
"We're a global all-cap value fund," he responded at FPA Experience 2013 in Orlando on Sunday.
It doesn't sound so special on the surface, but then again, it adheres to the precepts of socially responsible investing. As anyone in the SRI community will tell you, the vast majority of SRI funds are domestically-focused and growth, so it's one of a handful of global SRI value funds available.
"We have one-third of the fund in global companies, one-third of the fund in domestic companies and one-third of the fund in gold and cash," Pekin explained, when asked about his philosophy and strategy. "Its risk-averse nature means it tends to outperform in volatile markets and lag in robust markets."
What that translates to is strong performance in 2008 and 2009, and weaker performance since. However, he noted the 4.5% yearly alpha average over the life of the fund.
The fund is a concentrated portfolio of approximately 30 stocks, each of which has a "margin of safety" of 50%, meaning there is significant upside to intrinsic value.
"We feel 30 stocks are the right number," he added. "It's better to know a lot about a few stocks than nothing about many."
It has a holding period that usually lasts one market cycle, or about three to five years. To get a name into the portfolio requires four out of five votes of the portfolio management team, which has been together for 10 years.
And of course, there are the SRI screens.
"We employ both positive and negative screens," he said. "We don't allow for tobacco, weapon systems, pornography, alcohol and gaming. On the positive side, we look for companies that make an impact on their community and the environment."
Thirty stocks, 50% upside, strict screens and a majority vote — it all adds up to "a very high bar" for any holding to be included in the fund, and one he feels helps with the aforementioned risk-averse nature of the fund.
As far as their sell discipline, the rules are just as strict. Pekin said the he sells when the stock price of a holding reaches the estimate of intrinsic value; the firm's investment thesis or intrinsic value estimate changes; the management team believes it has better investment opportunities elsewhere, and/or; the responsibility assessment of a company changes.
"We benchmark to the S&P 500 and the MSCI World Index, we look globally and domestically and have a value focus," he concluded. "All of it adds up to something we feel is pretty unique and effective for investors."
Check out CalPERS' Investment Beliefs Arouse Skeptics on ThinkAdvisor.


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2. Within 20 seconds press any button on first keyless remote. Door locks will cycle to confirm programming.
3. Within 20 seconds, press any button on second keyless remote. Door locks will cycle again to confirm programming.
4. Turn ignition to OFF. Locks will again cycle to indicate end of programming mode.
Now that you have programmed your keyless remote.
Click below for instructions to program an ignition key.


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How to choose a new tennis racket
When buying a new tennis racket there are certain areas you should look at to make sure you're getting the racket that's best for you. Take a look at some criteria to consider when choosing a new racket.
Head size: The size of the racket's head determines how much power your racket can generate. The larger the head, the more power it will provide. More skilled players may prefer a smaller head, as it will give them more control over their shots, while others might prefer the larger head as offers a bigger sweet spot to work with.
Length: The standard racket length is 27 inches long, but rackets are allowed to be between 27-29 inches long in most competitions. Longer rackets allow players more reach so they can run down more groundstrokes. They can also give off more power.
Weight and balance: Heavier rackets are more powerful than lighter rackets; however, lighter rackets are easier to swing faster. In addition to the overall weight of the racket, players have to decide how they want the weight balanced – head-light or head-heavy.
Most professional players prefer a head-light racket. These rackets are often more control-focused and are good for players who can generate their own power.
In the head-heavy rackets, manufacturers trimmed weight from the handles and left the head the same weight. This allowed players to easily swing the rackets and not lose any power.
Frame stiffness: A stiffer racket bends less when making contact with the ball, which results in less energy being taken from the ball. A more flexible racket bends more, resulting in more energy loss from the ball. The level of stiffness can also impact how much impact is delivered to your wrist. The stiffer the racket, the more impact your wrist will feel.


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Please redirect me to the UNITED STATES website.
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Other Proposed Natural Treatments
Temporomandibular joint (TMJ) syndrome is a disorder involving the two joints (one on each side) that attach the lower jaw to the skull. These two joints open and close the mouth, and are located directly in front of each of the ears. In TMJ syndrome, the area around the temporomandibular joints becomes chronically tender and inflamed. Symptoms include the following:
- Pain in the temporomandibular joint
- Popping, clicking, or grating in the temporomandibular joint while eating and/or drinking
- A sensation of the jaw "catching" or "locking" briefly, while attempting to open or close the mouth, or while chewing
- Difficulty opening the mouth completely
- Pain in the jaw
- Facial pain
- Muscle pain and/or spasm in the area of the temporomandibular joint
- Headache
- Ear pain
- Neck and/or shoulder pain
TMJ syndrome often occurs in people who have had accidents or injuries involving their jaw, but many others have had no such incident. It is believed that grinding the teeth or clenching the jaw in response to stress may trigger the condition in many cases. Other possible causes include arthritis of the temporomandibular joint, facial bone defects, and misalignments of the jaw or of the bite.
The underlying cause of TMJ syndrome is not known. In most cases, the joint appears to be healthy, suggesting that it is the soft tissue around the joint rather than the joint itself that has the problem. However, some cases of TMJ syndrome may be caused by TMJ arthritis, TMJ dislocation, or other forms of true joint injury.
Treatment of TMJ includes stress management, avoidance of certain foods that trigger discomfort (such as gum or beef jerky), and anti-inflammatory medications. The older antidepressant drug amitriptyline, taken in low doses, 1 as well as the muscle relaxant cyclobenzaprine 2 may help as well.
According to a few controlled trials, some people with more severe forms of TMJ may benefit from the use of a dental appliance. 3–6 Finally, on rare occasions, surgery may be necessary.
Proposed Natural Treatments
The supplement glucosamine , taken alone or in combination with chondroitin , has shown considerable promise for the treatment of osteoarthritis . Because osteoarthritis of the temporomandibular joint can play a role in some cases of TMJ syndrome, researchers have begun to investigate the potential role of these supplements in treating the condition. Promising results were seen in a double-blind study that compared glucosamine to ibuprofen in the treatment of 45 people with TMJ arthritis. 7 Over the 3-month study period, the supplement proved equal in effectiveness to the drug. However, because this study lacked a placebo group, it cannot be taken as fully reliable. Another double-blind study, this one involving glucosamine without chondroitin, did have a placebo group, but too many participants dropped out to allow meaningful conclusions to be drawn. 8
EMG biofeedback is a form of biofeedback therapy that involves teaching a person to gain conscious control of muscle tension. A meta-analysis (formal statistical review) of published studies suggests that EMG biofeedback might be helpful for TMJ pain. 9 However, the reviewers noted that the evidence is as yet incomplete, and more (and better quality) research is needed.
A small randomized trial involving 39 women with TMJ found hypnosis to be more effective in reducing pain than relaxation. 15
Similarly, while preliminary controlled trials suggest that acupuncture may be helpful for TMJ syndrome, more research is needed. 10, 12, 14 A preliminary study compared Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM incorporates acupuncture among other treatments) and Naturopathic Medicine (NM) against care given by clinic staffed by TMJ specialists. Researchers found that both TCM and NM provided greater benefit among 128 women. 13 Although subjects were randomized into the different groups, there was no blinding and practitioners were permitted to treat each subject in any way they saw fit.
A cream made from cayenne and other hot peppers (capsaicin cream) has shown promise for a variety of painful conditions. However, one study failed to find capsaicin cream more effective than placebo cream for TMJ syndrome. 11
Other treatments sometimes recommended for TMJ, but that lack reliable scientific support, include chiropractic , massage , and prolotherapy .
Revision Information
- Reviewer: EBSCO CAM Review Board
- Review Date: 12/2015 -
- Update Date: 12/15/2015 -


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"President Barack Obama's proposal to cap tax-deferred retirement contributions at $3.4 million is raising a lot of questions among financial planners," Kelly Greene understatedly wrote on The Wall Street Journal's Total Return blog on Monday.
Full-fledged freak-out is more accurate.
"Curbing the growth of retirement plans in a nation where 91% have less than $100k saved is insanely ignorant," financial planner, author and speaker Rick Kahler tweeted upon news of the plan, summing the sentiment of many in the advisor industry.
Criticism of the overall budget was bipartisan, with Joe Lieber of Washington Analysis noting that "liberals are especially concerned about the president's inclusion of chained CPI," a different measure of the consumer price index, "as a cost savings measure."
But as with the Whac-A-Mole carnival game, new regulation often means new opportunity, and Greene pointed to two new funding strategies already making the rounds in social media forums.
The president's budget proposal includes a lifetime cap on savings in individual retirement accounts and other tax-deferred savings vehicles, including 401(k) plans and profit-sharing plans.
"The reasoning is that a worker's total account balance would be limited to the amount needed by a 62-year-old to buy an annuity generating an annual payment of $205,000," she explained.
She said she heard from "dozens" of financial planners, estate-planning lawyers and savers themselves whose savings "hover close to that level" and are asking questions about how it would work."
They include:
- How would this be administered when you have hit the cap, but then the market value dips and you're below it and can contribute again?
- Would public employees face the same upper limit on their pensions? If they already have reached the $205,000 limit, could we stop making contributions for them? Or could they stop getting pension raises?
- What if you have a pension and other tax-deferred accounts? Who is responsible for aggregating the information? Who will pay that administrative cost?
- How many people will be voting on this who have a pension greater than $205,000 a year?
Two strategies she says are being mulled.
"Advising your children to fund Roth IRA accounts, on which tax is paid upfront and withdrawals are generally tax-free after meeting holding requirements, early in life till they reach the cap, giving their investments more time to grow beyond the cap."
The second is setting up a Roth IRA trust to follow another provision of the budget proposal, "emptying inherited accounts within five years of the IRA owner's death. The IRA could be emptied into the trust, and then you could still require your heirs to take withdrawals over a longer period of time, if you'd rather them do that than be hit with a one-time windfall."
Read Estate Planning in the Age of Obama on AdvisorOne.