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|Latest Master Tape Theatre
Howard started off the show talking about being there live this week. He said that they are there to goof on each other and have fun. Howard then said that he'd see us tomorrow and almost ended the show. He went on to talk about a movie called ''The Wrestler'' with Mickey Rourke over the weekend. He said it was really good.
Howard said he's supposed to see ''Marley and Me'' this week. He loved the book and he wasn't so sure about Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson playing the parts in this movie. He said they may have tried to make it into more of a comedy than the book was. He's hoping that's not the case. Howard said he's afraid they're going to turn it into something like Superman III. He wants them to play it straight.
Howard said that Jennifer Aniston is out promoting the movie everywhere but there. He said that she's probably afraid of him because he might actually ask something interesting.
Howard said that Jennifer's movie is opening on the same night as Brad Pitt's movie is opening and at the same theater. Howard said she's out there trying to get a man with those pictures of her in GQ. Howard said that guys in Hollywood aren't looking for a Jennifer Aniston though.
Howard said there are guys in Hollywood who can get laid just being famous and they're not looking for that Jennifer Aniston.
Howard said that ''The Wrestler'' is so good. Robin said she'd like to see that too. She told him that she tried watching that ''Slum Dog Millionaire'' but she didn't know what an ordeal she was going to be going through. She said that she was in India and she saw things like what went on in the movie when she was over there. She was only there for one day but you have to get out of there as soon as you get there. She said it's amazing what you can see there in 30 seconds.
Howard said ''The Wrestler'' is a pretty depressing movie too. He said that it's about the wrestling industry and local wrestlers who go out on this circuit that's not even televised.
Artie said he has a friend who is a wrestler like that. He said that he had a picture of the guy in his phone that he showed to Howard.
Howard said that Mickey Rourke is good in the movie but it's tough to look at him after all of the plastic surgery that he's had on his face. Howard said that Artie was up for a part in the movie but the part wasn't all that big so Artie shouldn't feel bad about it. Howard said that Max Casella, from Doogie Howser, was in the movie but he didn't have any lines. Howard said Artie's part wasn't impactful at all either.
Howard said Marissa Tomei is a stripper in the movie and she's looking really good naked. Artie said that she was naked in ''The Devil's Advocate'' and she looked great in that too. He said it was disturbing though because it's in a love scene with Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Richard came in and talked about going to see a wrestling match where they have a ''tack match'' where they throw thumb tacks in the ring and wrestle on that. Howard said they have that in this movie too. He said that Mickey Rourke is going to get an award for this performance. Howard said that it's the year of guys who were a mess making a comeback. Howard said that Mickey and Robert Downey Jr. are making comebacks this year.
Howard said that Mickey had a lot of surgery done on his face and the guy used to be a really good looking guy. He said his excuse was that he was boxing and screwed up his face but he thinks he may have gone a little too far with that.
Howard said that this movie is very dark and Robin is right about that. He said that there's another one called ''Revolutionary Road'' that's really depressing. He told Robin not to go see that one because it's really depressing. Howard said that's the one that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are in. Artie said that ''Requiem for a Dream'' is really dark and depressing too. Fred said that ''Last Exit to Brooklyn'' was really depressing too. That was done by Darren Aronofsky as well.
Howard said that you have to be aware of what's going on because he was showing people that they were making 10 percent on their money even in this down economy. He said that the SEC investigated the guy and he even fooled them.
Gary said that the owner of the Mets lost a lot of money in that scheme and now they may not have the money they need to pay the players. Howard said that they're still trying to figure out what this guy did with all of the money. They have to go through and find out if he has the money in off shore accounts or something.
Howard said that the guy took some money from charities and things like that as well. Howard read through the article about this guy and who he was ripping off and how he was doing it.
Howard said that his father always had his own rules about what to do with money and he was right to just pack it away. He said that this guy Madoff is the lowest piece of shit on earth when he robs people like this. Howard said that it's unbelievable.
Robin said that people were believing anything in this latest frenzy with money. That's why it was so easy for him to scam them. Howard said that his sons apparently turned their father in but it's not clear if they're doing that just to get out of trouble or if they really didn't know about it.
Howard said that the people over there were beating the statue of Saddam Hussein with shoes when they toppled that thing. He said he should have known that people would end up throwing shoes at the President. Howard said there's no telling what they're going to do to that guy who threw his shoes at Bush. Robin said that if they had created a democracy over there then the guy should end up walking free.
Howard said that at 7am they're going to be beating Sal with a shoe. Robin said that Richard was telling her that he's thinking of not letting anyone lick his taint now. He found out that the guy who licked his taint recently, Novak, has Hepatitis C so Richard is going out and getting checked for that now.
The caller asked if they saw Survivor last night. Howard said he hasn't been watching that show lately. He said that he has too many other shows that he's watching right now. He's not even caught up on the Terminator series. That led to them talking about the new Terminator movie. The caller said he's not sure how that's going to be so they'll have to wait and see how that turns out.
The caller told everyone who won Survivor last night. He congratulated the guy, Bob, who won the show. The caller also said that they had a chick on the show who was really hot and may end up in Playboy. Howard said that Elisabeth Hasselbeck was on Survivor and ended up getting that gig on The View. Howard said that sometimes it works out for people like that.
Howard and the guys talked about how The View has saved Whoopi Goldberg's career. She was failing with her radio show and she was saved by The View. Howard said that they were giving her a syndication deal on radio and she hadn't even proven herself yet. Howard said that she was able to walk away from the radio show without too much notice since she had this View deal.
Howard said that Whoopi doesn't appear to know that much about politics when they talk about it on that show. Howard talked about how there have been a lot of big people who have gone into radio and have failed. Howard said that David Lee Roth was one. Dennis Miller's name was thrown out there but Howard said that he's still on radio but he's become a really conservative guy. Gary said that it is weird because he thinks of him as a comedian and actor. Then he'll be on the radio hawking stuff in commercials.
Howard said that they tried Dennis in everything from TV shows to football announcing. None of that worked out so now he's on radio. Gary said he didn't think the guy wanted to be doing 4 hours of radio every day. Howard said that's funny that they're in radio and they look at guys who go into radio as losers.
Artie said that he was out to lunch with Dana Carvey one time and he was telling him about the kind of deals they used to get to do TV shows and stuff and they were making huge money.
The caller asked Howard if they'll ever have a video screen on their radios so they can kind of watch what they're doing in the studio. Howard said that's what Howard TV is for. Howard said that this is radio, what he's talking about a TV show. They wouldn't do that for a car either because you can't watch TV in the front seat of the vehicle.
Howard said that they can't stream the TV show at the same time that the radio show is going on because SIRIUS owns the show and they don't want people seeing it when they should be listening to it. Howard said that there are too many accidents from people texting and talking on the phone already. They don't need more distractions for people. Howard said he's old fashioned, he writes letters by hand when he's driving.
Howard said that he's seen guys reading the paper while they're stuck in traffic. Robin said she used to do that herself when she was stuck in traffic. Howard said that maybe they should make people go back to stick shift so they have to concentrate on that instead.
Artie asked if Howard ever got blown while he was driving. Howard said he never did. Artie said he had a chick start to do him when he was driving but he had to stop her. Artie said that she didn't want to stop because she liked the danger of it all.
Howard said that he'd be afraid of getting his cock stuck in the steering wheel or something. He said that he wouldn't want a chick seeing his dick when he's sitting down either. He said he'd rather stand up so it the chick can see the whole thing instead of it being all smashed down there.
Howard said that there are girls who can really do it well and many girls who can't do it that good at all. Artie said that most blow jobs aren't that great and a really good one is hard to find.
Gary brought in Jarred the Intern and Howard asked him how long he's been there. He's 34 and he's been there for 4 months. Howard and Fred put on their gay voices and talked to this guy Jarred for a short time as gay guys. Howard asked him to read some news for them and told him that they'd like to help him out with his career.
Howard was right, the show was very different with gay guys. Fred was telling Howard that Jarred might need some speech therapy and he had just the thing to put in his mouth to help him out with that.
Howard told Jarred that he could help him out with his career and Jarred said he was looking forward to the help. Artie had him saying ''Let's Go Mets!'' Jarred played along and said it in a very effeminate way.
Howard let Jarred go a short time later and said that he thinks that he could out gay the gay channel. The caller on the line asked to be left on hold because his radio was broken. Howard asked him what's wrong with his computer. The guy said that he was on the phone with tech support and nothing was working. The guy said that they weren't able to help him out. Howard said that didn't sound right to him. Howard said that if you can get on the internet he should be able to listen to the show. The caller was saying that there's something wrong with it that won't allow him to do that.
Howard said that the story of The Wrestler is almost the story of Mickey Rourke. Howard said that he got a call from Mickey Rourke years ago. He said that he was on his downward spiral and he knew this guy Giuseppe Franco and he would park his car in front of the guy's place and that's where he had his ''office.'' Howard said he got a call from Mickey one day when they were doing the radio show. Mickey told them that he was calling from outside of that place and that's how Howard should know it was really him.
Howard said he got Mickey on the phone and Mickey offered him a job in a movie. He said that he was pitching the movie to him and asked him if he wanted to do it. Howard said he wanted to read the script before he would accept it. Then Mickey tried to put the director on the phone and he heard Mickey cursing the guy out in the background as he was trying to get him on the phone.
Howard said the director got on the line but he didn't have much to say. This was all going on in Mickey's car outside of this Giuseppe Franco's hair place.
The caller said that Mickey talked about stuff like that at the movie screening he went to see. They went over the movie a little more and then Robin said that she saw Clint Eastwood's ''Gran Torino'' and it was really good. She said that it will make you cry when you see it. She said that he also sings the theme song at the end of the movie and that's not so great but the movie was very good.
Artie told a story about Clint Eastwood driving around the set of the TV show he was doing out in Los Angeles. He said that Clint would come within 2 inches of hitting his car with his golf cart and he always hoped that he would hit it so he could exchange insurance information with the guy.
Howard talked about how fun golf carts can be and how he used to have fun riding around in them when he'd be on a set. Howard said he went out to a place with Beth one time and he had his own golf cart there. He said the food wasn't good and the service wasn't great but the fact that he had his own golf cart made him go back again.
Howard said that this country was some place that he didn't even remember. Howard said that he'd ask for a turkey sandwich and it would take like a week to get food like that. Howard said he'd wait an hour for food and they would bring something without meat in it.
Howard said he called his travel agent about the bad service and she told him that he should just wait like 2 years because they would probably be much better after some time. Howard said it was a weird place because you could drive the golf cart for 2 miles and go to a casino. The casino was only open one night of the week, like a Wednesday, and he used to want to take Beth over there just to see if they could make the 2 mile drive in the golf cart.
Howard said that he used to go to Jomby Bay but that place went down hill. He stopped going there because of that.
Howard said that they saw Lou Reed when he was on vacation with Beth one time. He said that he was into Lou Reed so it was kind of cool to see him there. He said that he must have done something to the guy because he wanted nothing to do with him. Robin told Howard that he went after Lou Reed with a megaphone one time and that may have been what kept him away. Robin said that they were very obnoxious with the guy and Howard was calling out his name on his megaphone.
Howard did his impression of what he was doing with Lou back then and talked about how he couldn't avoid running into the guy when he was at this place he was on vacation at. He said that Lou wouldn't talk to him but he was fascinated with what the guy was up to.
Robin said that Lou stopped going on radio after they did to him what they did. Howard said that it pissed him off that all of these people would get guests on their show when they wouldn't come on his show. He said he was the biggest thing on radio and people would avoid him and go on other shows at these events they'd go to. Howard had to go to break a short time after that discussion.
Howard came back and wondered what song they were hearing. It was the intro for ''Sweet Jane'' according to Fred. Howard said that Lou sure knew how to drag out a song. The intro was as long as full song. Howard wondered if Lou played any instruments. Fred said he thinks he plays guitar but he wasn't playing lead in that song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is killing the holiday spirit and also nuts not thinking that Jennifer Aniston is hot. Howard said he was debating on whether or not to hang up on this guy because he sounded so angry. Howard said that he might be too much for him. The guy asked Artie if he makes a half million off of the Stern Show. Artie said yes to him on that. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard said that they finally got to the start of ''Sweet Jane'' after all of that. Fred said the intro was 3 minutes long. Howard listened to the version of the song Fred was playing and said that it was a live version and he doesn't have that many hit songs so he must drag out all of his stuff this long. Fred said that the song itself is over 7 minutes long. Howard said he should add another 18 minutes to it.
Artie said that Lou put out a good album back in the 80s. Howard said that the guy is good but he wouldn't say hello to him on vacation. Howard said he never thought of Lou Reed as the vacationing kind of guy either.
Howard said that he read that Jennifer Aniston claims that the wardrobe truck was late to her GQ shoot and that's why she's posing naked. Howard played some audio of her talking about that in some entertainment show interview. Howard sarcastically said ''Oh she's so funny!'' Howard said she drives him nuts with that straight mouth of hers.
Howard said that he just got a note saying that Lou Reed has a 17 minute version of ''Walk on the Wild Side'' on one of his albums. He said that he was reading that he has a two CD set out and there only 10 songs on those two CDs.
Howard said that Lisa goes on that show to do promotion like that and the people can't wait to shut you up about it. The whole reason she goes on is to promote that stuff and they can't wait to shut you up. Howard said that's what it's like when he goes on Letterman.
Lisa G said that she was on the show doing a cooking segment. Howard talked about all of the stuff she was putting into these cookies. He said that she was using the most fattening things in the cookies. Lisa said that she's made them for the guys there. Howard said that Lisa has to rely on other companies to make the stuff she's putting into her cookies though. Lisa said that people love that stuff.
Howard was going to play some of the audio of Lisa crow barring in some of the mentions for SIRIUS and the show. He ended up reading some e-mail they got about Lisa's cookies and how expensive they are. The company is selling them for $28 for a dozen. People were going off on her about the pricing and how there's probably hardly any money going toward charity. Lisa said it all depends on how many she sells.
Artie said that Lisa is obviously trying to lure him over to her house by making all of this great tasting food. Lisa said that they sold 50 tins of the Lisa G cookies so far and she's very happy about that. Howard said she reminds him of Mrs. Fields or Famous Amos. Howard said that they had that guy on the show one time.
Gary said that Famous Amos lost his business and he lost all of his money and now he's working for the company doing promotion. He was at a toy fair making his cookies in a toy oven not too long ago. Robin said they should have him on the show to talk about it. Gary said they really should.
Howard played the audio of Lisa plugging SIRIUS during that Good Day New York show. She was talking about her cookies and mentioned the Howard Stern Show and stuff like that while she was plugging those. Rosanna Scotto gave Lisa a hard time when she plugged the show and told her to tell Howard to plug on his own show.
Lisa had mentioned that they have a Hanukkah channel on SIRIUS this year. That led to Howard singing some Hanukkah songs that he knew. Lisa said that they have like 3000 songs that they can play on that channel and Janis Ian is hosting a show on there.
Howard had Lisa G run through her news preview. She said she spoke to a doctor about Benjy's water fast and the doctor suggested that he not do that because the body eats off your muscles first and then the fat. Howard said that Benjy isn't on a fast. Benjy said he did stick to it for 48 hours but then he had a tomato over the weekend.
Benjy said that he's still fasting other than the tomato. Benjy said he's lost like 14 pounds according to Lisa. Howard had him get on the scale so they could find out how much he's lost already. Benjy weighed in at 236 and that was down from 250. Benjy said that he didn't stuff before he started.
Howard told Benjy he did look better. Benjy said that he feels superior to people who eat. Howard said if he just ate normally he'd be fine. Robin said that Benjy isn't normal so that won't happen.
Lisa said that they say that Benjy could have some heart problems if he keeps up the water fast. Howard thanked her for reminding him about the fast because he wouldn't have remembered it.
Artie said that he thinks he had a stroke this weekend. He said he was having something that sounded like a seizure going on this weekend when he was out. Howard said that he should get checked out. Lisa asked him about his alleged bleeding ulcer. Artie said that's doing fine ''sweetie.'' Artie said that Lisa won't leave him alone and now she's trying to hit on him on the air. He said this is unbelievable.
Lisa said that she spoke to Larry ''the Duck'' Dunn who Howard and Gary were talking about last week. He actually works there at SIRIUS. Howard said that was cool when he heard what she spoke to him about.
Lisa said that she has a story about Marlo Goodstein's book club reading Artie's book. Howard asked Lisa how old this Larry the Duck guy was. Lisa wasn't sure about that. That led to the guys talking about a bass player by the name of Larry Dunn. Then they were talking about other bass players like John Entwhistle. Howard had said that anyone can play bass. Howard said that guys like John Entwhistle just stand there when they're playing and the rest of the band is running around. Howard said that Michael Anthony would run around and do stuff on stage. Fred said that he wasn't at the same level as John Entwhistle was.
Howard asked Lisa about the book club thing. Lisa said that one of the women in the club wasn't a fan of it. That led to them talking about Artie being number one on the NY Times Bestseller list for a week. Then he went to number 2 and now number 5. Howard said that it's the way books sell that make it go so high the first week. He said that if he sold the same number of books over the time of 2 years or so, he'd be number one on the list for that whole time. He said that it's really not an exact science.
Artie said it was weird that he went to number one on the LA Times bestseller list after he went to number 5 on the NY Times. Artie said that it was funny to see his picture in a magazine that had to print his book cover when they reported on him being number 1.
Howard said that one time a store took his book off the NY Times Bestseller list and replaced it with the next book in line. That was the store Caldor that did that to him.
Artie said that his book isn't in Wal-Mart or Costco. He said they do that stuff for religious reasons. Meanwhile they sell guns in their stores.
Howard played the clip where this caller went off on Tracy and she was very calm at first. She kept telling the guy that he knew nothing about her but the guy kept going on and on about shutting her up and making her go to the gym. Tracy eventually went off on the guy and gave him a couple of ''Fuck you's.'' Howard said Tracy doesn't take any shit from anyone.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who said that this was the best show he's ever done. Howard told him to stop with that bullshit. Larry went on to say that throwing a shoe at someone is a Muslim custom and it was like the guy throwing a missile at the President.
Howard said that Melrose is losing his voice from yelling out on the street so much and it's really annoying. Melrose said that he had a 5 hour band rehearsal yesterday. Howard ended up hanging up on him and took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was talking about Lisa G's Good Day New York show appearance. He let her go on for about 10 seconds before he hung up on her.
Howard said that he's indifferent to the stuff in the apartment. He said that she hung a wreath on one wall that he likes to stare at so he asked her to take that one down. Howard said they have a nice fireplace there and he just didn't want the wreath on that one.
Howard said the building he lives in has a ton of Christmas stuff up and of course they throw the one menorah up for the Jews living there. He said they don't have to do that for them. He said that the whole story about the menorah is lame anyway.
Howard played some interviews that Sal did in the past where he asks people about the Jews wanting to get rid of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. He had a bunch of people going off on the Jews when they thought that they wanted to get rid of the tree. Sal was just making up the whole thing and people were freaking out about it.
Howard read some e-mail about Ronnie the Limo Driver posing with the new Miss Howard TV from last week. He's hugging her in the picture and people were going off on him looking way too old to be hugging her. Howard said that Ronnie loves the ladies and the ladies love him.
Howard said that Eric the Midget always gets bashed but now the fans are liking the call that he made to the show last week. They love that Eric was using Johnny's credit card to get to the Bunny Ranch. He read through some of that e-mail where people said that they didn't get why Eric was on the show so much. Now they understand it. There were some people who think that Eric should be banned from the show based on that call last week.
Howard said that there were some people who wondered what James Brown song it was they played last week. Howard said it was ''Funky President.'' Fred played some of that song when they were talking about it being the theme song for Barack Obama last week. They played it again after Howard read the e-mail. Howard said that guy was a great guest on the show. He said that James Brown and Tiny Tim were some of the greatest interviews.
Artie said his favorite James Brown moment on the show was when Janie the Cleaning Lady came in to interpret for James. She once said that she heard that James was brain dead when he was born and she was there to say that she didn't think he was brain dead. Then James turned to her and said ''Thank you darlin'.''
Gary said that he saw a special about Otis Redding when he was driving for a band and he was begging people to let him sing for them. They kept putting him off until they finally let him sing and saw the talent he had. Howard said that they never have that with people who come on the show. No one ever surprises them. Howard said that Otis was only 26 when he died. They spent another couple of minutes talking about him and also about Mickey Rourke.
Howard said that he thinks that Mickey Rourke was born in 1952 and he was older than him. Gary said he was looking it up on IMDB.com and it showed he was born in 1956. Howard said that he's wrong about that. The two of them argued about that and Fred threw in a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies, his ''Mac-Hine'' clip and his ''Ree-Sees'' clip as well.
Howard said he heard that Gary was at the Jets game and wanted to leave 2 minutes early so they could avoid the traffic. His son ended up getting upset with him because they left right before the jets ended up winning the game when it looked like they were going to lose. Gary said Jackson didn't talk to him in the car for a long time after that. He said he really takes it hard when they leave early like that.
Artie talked about leaving a great World Series game early so he could get home to sleep. He said he was on his way home when he heard the greatest play with Scott Brosius hitting a home run. He said he was on the George Washington Bridge when he heard the play.
Howard kept goofing on Gary about his ''Ree-Sees'' thing. Gary asked where the clips were of him saying it the right way. Howard said he's not going to look that stuff up for him. That led to them playing a prank call the guys made using clips of Gary telling a guy to shove a hair brush up his ass and stuff like that.
Howard played some of Artie reading the book and then played the meltdown Artie had where he talked about why he wasn't going to read the rest of the book. He was saying that he was a heroin addict and he was having withdrawals so he was giving up on the book. Then Gary comes in and reads some of the book. Howard cut it off right away after Gary said ''tradition'' and goofed on the way he was saying that word.
Howard played some of Bob Levy's read and a tiny bit of Jim Florentine's read. Howard said that Bob was fine. Artie said that the biggest problem was giving Bob more than one chapter to read.
Howard said he thought about doing the audio book thing with his books but it was turning into a major production. He was going to have his parents reading their parts and other people from his life doing that as well. He said he decided against the whole thing. Artie said that back then the audio books weren't that big of a deal like they are now. Robin said that he probably would have won an award for that if he had done it. Howard said he never wins anything when he's innovative like that. They find a way to avoid giving him awards for anything.
Artie said that his high school wanted to put him in their hall of fame when he was on MAD TV. He said that once he got on the Stern Show they didn't want him anymore. He said the committee was offended by Howard so they didn't want him anymore even though he's now famous because of Howard's show.
Howard asked if they would rather be famous or win awards. The guys said that they're happy not winning awards.
Howard said that he won the Blockbuster award for his movie ''Private Parts'' and he thought that was kind of cool. The award doesn't exist anymore and the one he won actually broke. He said he can look back at that and have some pride in stuff like that.
Howard was saying that he wants to get an old microphone to put in his office. That led to him talking about how Gary will probably say that he can get him one but ended up goofing on him about that. Gary came in and said he likes that he knows where he can get something he's looking for and he's still an asshole.
Howard said he had a news report to play about that. He played the clip where they talked about how things couldn't have gotten much worse for SIRIUS XM until this announcement came out. They said a few things that weren't quite true and Howard said he really has to watch what he says now. He said that this place has been the greatest place to work and he wouldn't go anywhere else if he was going to stay in radio.
Robin said that she was telling people that it's not going to be that easy to get Howard back like they think it would. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that this guy Fred Wilpon from the NY Mets may have lost up to $500 million to that guy Bernard Madoff that he was talking about earlier in the morning. Howard read the article about that and said that they're saying that the money loss shouldn't cause any problems with the day to day stuff with the Mets. He may have a problem if he has to sell the team to make up for some other investment company that may ask for some money from him.
Howard said that he read about Paul Anka getting hit in the head by his wife in an argument. He read through that article and his wife apparently threw a ball of ice at him and split his head open. She was arrested and booked on a felony charge.
Howard said that he had a story about a missing bulldog. He read through that and said the dog has been missing since October. It's believed that the dog was stolen up in New Brighton out on Staten Island. Howard said that there are a lot of guys out there into this dog thievery thing and it's really creepy. Howard said that it's not worth stealing a little girl's puppy to make a couple thousand bucks.
Howard had a picture of the little girl with her dog and showed it to Artie. Artie said he didn't want to see that.
Howard said that American Idol is changing their format. They're cutting back on the bad contestants that they show in the first shows. Howard said that it does get a little repetitious. Howard said they're cutting back on the number of contestants and not letting people come back once they're kicked off.
Howard read through a story about Sean Avery and how the team suspended him after some comments he made about a team mate dating his ''sloppy seconds.'' Howard said that he read about Avery doing something to some other woman during an interview. He asked Gary who that woman was but Gary wasn't in his office, he was in the bathroom.
Robin said that a football player was fined $10,000 for putting the football under his shirt for his wife who is pregnant. They spent a few seconds on that story.
Howard said that Wendy is retarded so it's not surprising that she's calling in and asking for more money. Gary came in and said that he was in the bathroom making a doody but he really tries not to at work.
Howard asked Gary about the Sean Avery thing and who that woman was. Gary said he didn't know who she was. Meanwhile Wendy was coughing up a lung in the background. Howard said that she's probably sick because she's fat. Wendy said that she's 230 pounds. She said that she stopped growing when she got to 5'4'' tall.
Wendy said that she was born with the cord around her neck so that's why she's retarded. Howard said that Wendy must be pissed about all of that. Wendy said she is pissed about that and her mom was upset because the doctors didn't take care of that when she came out because they were busy messing around in the room instead. Wendy said that they cut off the cord and kept her in some kind of tube until she came out of it. Wendy thinks that this retarded thing is why she didn't grow taller than she did.
Howard had Wendy singing some Britney Spears stuff when they were talking to her about her karaoke singing. Howard said he might have a game for Wendy to play. He said that he wasn't sure if they should just give it to her or play a game. Robin said that they should make her play a game and not give it to her if she doesn't get it right.
Howard started off asking her ''What is math?'' Wendy knew what it was. She said that's when you add, subtract and multiply. She was asked what 8 plus 7 is. She said ''Twenty'' after thinking about it for a few seconds. She said she was adding it in her head. Artie said ''That must have been a tight cord.''
Howard asked Wendy what she should do if there's a fire in a movie theater. Wendy said that you go to the fire exit. Howard asked Wendy ''What's wrong with the Jews?'' Wendy said that the Jews need to spend more time with Chinese people. She also said that they don't have more common sense than other people. Howard told her she's right.
Howard asked Wendy why people don't like the Jews. Wendy said that the Jews hate everyone and people don't like people who don't like other people... or something like that. Howard asked Wendy how you can tell someone is a Jew. Wendy said that you can tell by what they say when they're talking.
Howard asked Wendy ''A Jew's horns are 2, 3 or 5 inches long.'' She said it was 3 inches long. Howard told her she was right. Howard asked if she's ever seen a Jew's horns. Wendy said she hasn't.
Howard asked Wendy why a white woman would sleep with a black man. Wendy said that's because they love the black person. Howard asked if that's alright to do. Wendy said yes. Howard asked her if you mate a black person with a horse, what do you get? Wendy said ''a donkey.'' Howard told her she's right about that too.
Howard asked Wendy why black people have curly hair. Wendy said that they have it because they like it. Howard told her she's wrong about that. Wendy said that maybe it's because they were born with that color hair.
Howard asked Wendy why black people are scared of water. She said ''Because it's deep.'' Howard asked her what's worse, a black person, a Jew or a Puerto Rican? She said that it was the Jew because they don't belong. Howard said that was close enough.
Howard gave Wendy the $500 prize and found out she wants to buy her mother a deep fryer. Howard told her that's good, that will make her even fatter. Artie asked her how many shits she takes a day. Wendy said it's about 10 shits a day and most of them are diarrhea. There was a huge sigh from the guys in the studio when they heard that.
Howard asked Wendy if she wears a diaper and things like that. She said that she does. She was also talking about how she farted the other night and it grossed her mom out. She was giggling when she was talking about that. Artie asked when it was that she last took a shit. Wendy said it was about 5 minutes ago. She also talked about the breakfast that she had which consisted of eggs, bacon, sausage and more. She said that she eats a whole package of sausage, 3 eggs and the whole package of bacon. Artie was laughing his ass off as he heard this stuff.
Howard asked Wendy if she ever gets doody caught under her nails. She said she does and she walks around all day with the doody under there. Artie asked if they could get any grosser.
Richie Wilson came in and said that the last time she was up there Wendy came out of the bathroom with shit all over her hands.
Howard asked Wendy when she's going to eat lunch. Wendy said that will be soon. She said that sometimes she eats bacon raw.
Howard asked Wendy what she's going to do to work off some of that food. She said that she goes out and collects cans sometimes so she might do that today. She said that she can make like $50 doing that. Artie asked her what she does when she has to shit when she's out collecting cans. Wendy said that she'll run into the house and sometimes she'll miss the toilet. Howard found out she wears a bathing suit when she's out collecting cans.
Artie asked Wendy who cleans up after her. She said that she does that herself. Howard also found out that she has hair on her areolas and asked her for details about her hairy ass and stuff like that. Wendy said that she will run into the shower to clean off the hair on her ass if she gets doody on them.
Howard told Wendy she won the $500 courtesy of the Man Groomer. He gave them a plug and Artie suggested that she use one of those to shave her nipples. Howard let Wendy go a short time later. Artie said that her mother is a saint. He said if that was his kid he might just put her on a bus and send her away.
Howard asked whose parents they'd rather be, Wendy the Retard or Sour Shoes. The guys talked about how they might have some hope for Sour Shoes leaving the house some day. Gary said that Sour Shoes can survive on his own but Wendy can't. Some of the other guys weren't so sure that Sour Shoes could survive on his own.
Howard played some of the audio book where Bob was attempting to read it. Howard said that it sounds like an old bit that Cheech and Chong did. He played some of this ''Sister Mary Ellis'' bit that they did and Tommy Chong was reading in a way that sounded very similar to the way Bob was reading Artie's book. Artie got a laugh out of that.
Artie told the guy to drive to the station and he'll give him his money back. The guy said he'll see Artie at the show he's doing in Easton soon. He said he'll collect his fuckin' money then. Artie said that he thought Bob would be better than that reading his book. Howard said that he thought it was Artie's sick sense of humor having Bob read that. Artie said he really thought he could read it better than that. It's like kindergarten level reading according to Artie.
Howard said that the stuff they were playing was the edited version of Bob's read. He asked Gary for some of the unedited stuff. Gary had that for him within a few seconds. Howard played some of Bob's reading where he screwed up almost every other word. Howard said he wasn't sure how Bob was screwing all of this stuff up. He was confused about how he was mixing up some of the words.
Howard said that the engineer reading it sounded like it was even better than Bob's read. Robin said they should have left in all of the bloopers. Artie said they didn't want to do that. Howard said that would have been great if they had left it all in.
Howard played more of Levy's read where he was being told how to read the book. Howard said that if they had just left that part in the audio book, people would be on the floor laughing. Howard said he thinks they could have sold even more audio books if they had done it this way.
Howard played some more of Bob reading where this engineer is coaching Bob on how to read it. Artie reminded Howard that this guy usually works with kids. They had to bring a guy in who can work with kids to work with Bob. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard played some of Bob trying to say ''that there was no way at all that he could have premeditated it...'' and Bob wasn't able to get past the ''premeditated it.'' Artie said that Bob sounds like a guy who can't ski going down a hit heading for a tree when he's reading.
Howard said that was enough of that. He took a call from a guy who asked to hear that clip where Orson Wells asks to speak to the woman in charge when the engineer is giving him a hard time about hearing a ''gonk'' in the background. Fred had that one to play within a few seconds.
Howard said that they have Bob reading the news on Miserable Men (Sunday nights from 7-11 on Howard 101) and trying to say words. He said that's his favorite part of that show. Fred played the Orson Wells clip as they were getting ready to go to break.
The guys eventually got John in there. Howard asked when they said he could come in the studio. John said that they did that the day that he called in. John had his brother Anthony there with him and he was the one who was over in Iraq. Anthony said that he's in the Pennsylvania National Guard. Howard said he had that flashback look in his eye like Vietnam guys do.
Howard asked Anthony how long he was in Afghanistan. He said he was there for a 12 month tour but he didn't get there until about February and he came home in November.
Artie asked the guy if he was near Kandahar. Anthony said he wasn't there, he was on the eastern border near Pakistan. Artie told the guy about his trip over there for the USO. Artie said that he killed a couple of gooks over there.
Howard said that Anthony is a brave dude. He said he had to hand it to him for going over there. He had done a 15 month tour over there before this latest one. Howard asked him about getting laid over there and if that's even possible. Anthony said that they're not even allowed to have a Playboy over there because they might offend the people there.
Howard said that he seems like a good dude. Howard said he couldn't turn him down. John said that they're supposed to be sitting in on the Wrap Up Show today too.
Artie asked why the PA National Guard is part of all of these wars. Anthony said that they're very well trained so that's why they go over there. Anthony talked about losing a couple of his good buddies when they were under some attacks over there.
Eric was talking to Howard as this woman was jerking him off and he kept laughing and talking in an odd voice. More odd than his usual voice. Eric said that she looks like Molly Ringwald to him. Howard told Eric to bring this chick down there tomorrow so they can meet her.
The woman, Angel, said that she's not charging him to do this stuff. She said that she has an 87 day rule with guys and she might not be banging him until that time is up.
Shuli came in and told Howard that Double A found this escort to bang him, Beetlejuice and High Pitch Eric. He told Howard that Double A haggled this chick down to bang all three of them for $500. Double A made sure Beetlejuice got something from the chick after he did her himself. Then High Pitch goes in and the chick ends up leaving because she's so grossed out by Eric. The chick refused to do him because he was too hairy down there.
Eric said he wasn't turned down by a prostitute but he was. He admitted to it just seconds after saying it wasn't true. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard thanked John and Anthony for coming in and let them give a few shout outs to their family and friends. John told Howard that he was the guy who suggested doing the viewing of Eric the Midget when he came in and then he didn't even get to come in to see him themselves.
John also said that Jason told him to come in at 10:30 today and he figured they were trying to fuck him over again. He said that Howard had told him to come in during the show and they're telling him to come in after the show is over already. Howard said that's the way his office works. He said he'll tell Gary to have this guy come in for the Eric the Midget thing and they completely forget about him. Then he tells the guy to come in to meet him and they tell him to come in at 10:30.
Howard ended up goofing on Gary but Gary was saying that this guy John is the biggest pain in the ass they've dealt with. He said that Jason was the one saying that though, not him. Howard said that they're being the difficult ones. John said that they wanted him to come in and see the Wrap Up Show after being a huge fan since 1987. He said he loves Gary but that's not why he would come down there.
Fred threw in a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies while they were goofing on Gary. John asked if Eric the Midget was on the phone. Howard said he must be tired or something, he's not on the phone today. Howard let them go a short time later.
Artie said that Steve won't give him his pain pills. Howard asked Artie if he's taking pain pills again. Artie paused so Howard took that as a yes. Artie said that he's really not and he's the one willing to take a piss test if they want.
Steve said that they have a story about Ralph's flight out to Hawaii to stay with Sam Simon. Sam is refusing to comment on who paid for the tickets. Howard said that's weird and he thought that Ralph had to fly himself out there. Howard wondered why Sam would pay for everything with Ralph like that. Howard said that he loves Sam but he's not sure what his fascination is with Ralph.
Steve said that the Jesus Twins will never die. The one remaining brother is trying to get funding for another project for him to get their album put out. Steve said that they have a top 55 people in sex list that was in Playboy magazine. Howard is number 16 on the list.
Steve said that 16 years ago today 'Gina girl called the show for the first time. That got Howard doing his 'Gina Man impression for a few seconds. He asked Gary to pull some sound bytes of Gina Girl from the old shows so he can play them on the show tomorrow. He said he loved having those two on the show back then. He said those might have been some of his favorite moments on the show.
Howard said that he's not even sure where they are now. One of them was taken away by their guardian when they found out what they were doing on the show.
Steve said that The History of Howard Stern Act 2 is starting a week from today and it will air 10 days straight.
Steve said that Mariann from Brooklyn has a show on tonight. Howard asked how that happened because he didn't approve it. Howard had her on the phone and asked her what happened there. Mariann said that she has Jim Florentine booked to do the show tonight. They're going to have people like Irish John, High Pitch Eric and others on the show too. Mariann said that she didn't call them to do this show either, they called her. Howard had to cut her off as she was screaming at him.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of subjects they were going to try and cover today.
The caller said that the test is about an hour long and they'd have Bob read through the book and he'd mark down what he messes up. Howard said they have to record this. He told the guy he'd put him on hold and set him up to come in. Howard said they can record him in one of the recording studios there.
Robin started off her news with a story about gun control advocates not letting kids shoot guns at gun shows. That's after a kid shot himself in the head with an Uzi at a gun show.
Robin had a story about Sharon Osbourne getting into a fight with one of the girls on VH-1's ''Charm School'' show. Howard said that they don't see Sharon and Ozzy anymore and he thinks that's because things are going well for them and they have careers now. He said that he thinks Sharon is forgetting that they were there for her and Ozzy when they didn't have much going on.
Howard said that he got married so his wife could be around, he'd get divorced if his wife was out on the road doing her own thing and was never home like Sharon is. Robin had some audio clips of this woman being attacked on the set of the show and they weren't saying that Sharon was involved.
Robin had a story about a poll that was done about who will win the Super Bowl and people are picking the Giants to win it again. That led to some sports discussions and some more football stories from Robin.
Robin had a story about a guy who was busted by cops and gave a fake name. His real name was tattooed on his neck so the fake name didn't work.
Robin read some news about how much money has been wasted over in Iraq. She said that they've found that they've wasted about $50 billion on things over there. She also had some audio of the reporter throwing his shoes at President Bush over in Iraq. She also had President Bush joking about the incident. There were also clips of Bush talking about the progress they're making over there.
Robin read a story about Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich and played some audio of a report about what's going on with him. Howard had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 10:20am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about Congress rejecting the auto industry bail out. Howard said that kind of scares him. Robin said that they're saying that the cost of building cars in this country is at a point where it will never be able to recover. Howard said that there are going to be a lot of people out of work if that happens. He said that's pretty scary. They talked about the bail out that Chrysler got back in the 80s and how they were able to turn things around for a while. Howard said that this country pours money into all kinds of industries. Robin said that they've also let a bunch of industries go. Howard said that Scott DePace has an explanation that it's all Clinton's fault.
Robin read a story about the upper mid-west where they're getting hit by cold and snow. Temperatures dropped to 30 below in the Dakotas. Artie said that the cold does get worse for you the older you get. Robin said that it's supposed to be 60 degrees in New York today.
Robin read a story about a church that had 7,000 members and it started out in a store front not too many years ago. The pastor had to step down because he was participating in inappropriate sexual behavior. He wasn't saying what that behavior was though. His son is supposed to be taking over for him.
Robin read a story about Saturday Night Live taking a shot at the New York State governor David Patterson. Robin had some audio of one of the guys from the show doing his impression of the guy and saying his life was like a plot from a Richard Pryor movie. Howard didn't think it sounded that crazy. He said it was just an impression of the guy. Howard said that he's amazed that anyone even saw it.
Robin had a story about the number one movie at the box office, ''The Day the Earth Stood Still.'' She had some audio clips from the movie and talked about how much it made this weekend. Howard said that Keanu Reeves is a tough interview from what he saw on Letterman. Howard said that Dave was working really hard to get something out of the guy and it wasn't working.
Robin had some audio of Will Smith's son talking about his part in the movie. Howard cut that off after a few seconds. He said he couldn't take it. Robin had a second clip of the kid talking about how great Keanu was to work with. He was getting a lot of tips from Keanu. Howard said he hates when little kids have great luck and he doesn't need to be getting movies like that.
Robin read about Jim Carrey's new movie ''The Yes Man'' which is coming out soon. She had some audio of Jim talking about the new movie and getting laughs for jokes that weren't funny. Robin asked if Jim knows he's not funny at this point when he does that stuff. Artie said he's probably just tired of doing those interviews and doesn't care anymore.
Robin had some audio of Mickey Rourke talking about ''The Wrestler'' and how tough that was to do. Howard said that he must have taken a lot of juice to make this movie because the guy is really ripped. They spent a minute on that.
Robin had some audio of Jennifer Aniston talking about the new ''Marley and Me'' movie. Robin also had some audio of John Mayer talking about how great Jennifer is. Artie said he heard that Mayer may be getting his own talk show. He said he knows he wanted to do stand-up comedy and now he's getting a show. Robin had some audio of some other people talking about how great Jennifer is to work with.
Robin said that Tom Cruise appeared on The Today Show after not being on there for a few years. She had some audio from that interview that Howard played. Robin's final story was about this movie ''7 Pounds'' that Will Smith is in. She had some audio of Rosario Dawson talking about Will Smith and how great he was to work with and how great she thinks the movie is going to be. Howard said that he wants people to kiss his ass like these actors kiss each other's ass. He said he'd like to hear some interns come in and kiss his ass a little bit. Artie tried doing that a little bit and gave him some ass kissing.
Robin said she forgot to mention that Van Johnson died. Howard said he used to love that guy on the Merv Griffin show. They spent a short time talking about that before ending the show around 10:40am.
Jon asked Gary if he's worried when he's in the bathroom and Howard calls for him. Gary said he's having issues today, that he didn't want to get into, so he was trying to plan his bathroom breaks. Gary said that he figured he was safe to go into the bathroom at the time but he wasn't able to get up in time this time.
Gary said his stomach is bothering him today and he's sure that there are people out there vomiting hearing this stuff. Jon said that the Wendy the Retard thing today was pretty gross like that too. He said that she was talking about coming out of the bathroom with her hands dirty with doody sometimes.
Gary asked how Wendy can still be alive living like that. That led to them talking about her diaper too. They talked about that and wondered how her mother changes her diaper.
Gary told the guy not to do scenes from movies and just talk to him like a normal guy. The guy calmed down for a few seconds and asked Gary how he's supposed to find the whole Gary thing funny. Gary said that he's not sure how to explain it to him.
Gary and the caller have gotten into this before. They've argued about money on the show and things like that. They went around in circles for a few minutes again today about who gets paid what on the show and things like that. They went back and forth on the same stuff they've gone over about Artie before.
Jon took a call from another guy who said that he's tired of hearing that guy on the show and doesn't want to hear him anymore. The guy went on to say that he ran into a guy last night who said that Artie can't act and that's why he doesn't get these jobs that he's talked about.
The caller also asked Gary who he thinks is going to be the rat on the show when Howard retires. Gary said that he thought Jackie was going to be that one but he still hasn't written a book yet. Gary said he's gotten offers to write that book about the show but he's turned it down a few times. Benjy said he'd love to write that book but they talk about so much of the stuff on the air that there aren't really that many secrets.
Another caller said that Gary really took a lot of crap today. He said he does get why Gary ran out of the Jets game this weekend. He said he knows what a mess it is over there now. This caller was also complaining about the money discussions that the caller brought up earlier. He said that it's getting really tired. Gary said that it seems to be one guy's obsession. The caller and Gary talked about the Mets and Jets for a short time after that.
Jon took a call from a woman who brought up Mickey Rourke and claimed that the guy has always claimed that he was younger than he really was and he was actually born in 1950. Gary asked her how she knows that's the truth. She said that his half brother died and he was four years younger than Mickey and that was a few years ago... and if you do the math then you figure out that he was born then.
Gary said that Stuttering John was doing the same thing with his age and they found out that he was doing it when he was there. The woman said that she has been a fan of Mickey's for a long time and she admires him as an actor.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he didn't agree with the guy ranting about the retarded people. He asked them if they would let heir kids participate in the show if they had retarded kids. Gary said that Wendy's mother seems to get that they're goofing around with her and may get that she becomes more a part of the group when she's on the show.
Gary said that they had a guy call into the show and he was a quadriplegic. He said that Howard told the guy not to say that he was a quad, just that he was a guy who liked to sit around a lot. The guy appeared on the show and his mother came up to Gary afterward and said that she really liked that Howard treated him like one of the guys.
Jon said that they were talking about what it would be like to be either Wendy's parents or Sour Shoes' parents. He wondered which one they'd rather have as a kid. Benjy said that Sour Shoes is amazing with the talent he has and he'd like to have a kid like that.
The guys talked about Beetlejuice and how tough he would be to deal with too. Benjy said that he thinks that they could raise Beet to be kind of cute but someone like High Pitch Eric would be tougher to deal with. Gary said that High Pitch is much more reasonable than Beetlejuice would be.
A caller asked what's up with Benjy's hunger strike. Benjy said that he's still on it and he's going to keep it up until they sign Bubba to another contract. Benjy said he's only had a tomato and an apple since he started the hunger strike. It's actually a water fast. He said it's really not a big deal to him though. He said that as long as you're getting water it's not that big of a deal. Benjy claims that the hunger goes away after a couple of days.
Another caller brought up the Artie discussion they had earlier and how they were talking about what it would be like without him. Gary said that the show adapts if anyone leaves. He said that Artie is great on the show but they really could keep going if he did leave. He said he doesn't want Artie to leave but the show would survive.
The caller said that he's looking forward to the second part of The History of Howard Stern. He said that last year's show was great and he wants them to talk about who it was editing the show. Gary said that this part may be even better than last year's was. He mentioned some of the names of the guys who work on that stuff. Jon said that they literally spend all year working on that stuff. Gary said that they have a windowless office that they work in too and it's not the best working conditions. The History special starts next Monday, December 22nd.
Jon took another call from a guy who was talking about leaving games early to avoid the traffic and how it can really screw you up when your team comes back and wins when you think they're about to lose. They spent a couple more minutes on that before they took a break.
Gary asked the woman where she's been lately. She said that she's in Virginia and wasn't able to get the show when they dropped him. She just got SIRIUS and she's back to enjoying the show again. Jon and Gary said that they were happy she was back.
Jon moved on to another call from a guy who asked why Howard says ''What's this'' when they're doing live commercials. Gary said that Fred has to let him know which of the live commercials he's supposed to read.
Jon said that Lisa G got the ''Employee of the Month'' today when she went in to do her news preview. Gary said that they were goofing on her about plugging but that was the whole reason she was on the show. Gary said she wasn't even over promoting, she just threw the plugs in at the end of the segment.
Benjy said he was kind of jealous of Lisa for getting Employee of the Month. Gary said that the problem with that is that they tend to give out awards there and never give them out again. He said that Lisa will be Employee of the Month for the rest of her life.
Benjy said he thinks they should looking into how much she's actually giving to charity. He said that selling cookies is a great thing for Lisa to do.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had a story about riding around in a golf cart. He said he got a DUI arrest while driving a golf cart. He said that he got 3 years probation and had to go to classes and stuff over the whole thing. The guy said that he was tooling down on the road on his golf cart when this cop pulled him over and took him to jail. The guy said he had an open container so the cop knew that he was drinking.
The guy said that he got a ''wet reckless'' charge and if he didn't behave then they could have given him a double charge for that stuff. He said he laughs his ass off thinking about that old stuff now.
Jon said that Howard talked about how much he liked driving the golf cart around. Gary said it really is fun but he's not even sure why. He said he has some friends who live at the beach and they have golf carts in the neighborhood and he loves going out there to drive the cart around.
Another caller brought up the Wendy the Retard segment and thought it was great. He asked what they think about her asking for money all the time. Gary said that she calls Jason at like 4 in the afternoon and cry over the money. Jason will tell her to call in the morning but she apparently likes to sleep a lot and isn't up early anymore.
Shuli said that he spoke to Wendy a while ago and she was asking for the fans to send her some cans so she can collect money on them. She didn't give him an address for the fans to send them to though.
Shuli brought up the first time that Wendy called the show and talked about how great it was. He said that they figured out that she would say yes to anything and had a great time jerking her around with that. Gary said that he remembered that they had a new boss over there and they asked Wendy if she was raped by this new boss they had at Infinity Broadcasting at the time. He said the guy was the boss for 2 days and Howard had her saying that she was raped by the guy.
A caller said that his uncle is Down's syndrome and the guy loves the show and he likes that they accept the mentally handicapped on the show. He said that people might think that they're making fun of them but they actually enjoy being involved in all of this stuff. Benjy asked the guy what his uncle's special talent is. The caller said that he doesn't really have one.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that guy Ray from New Jersey is a douche for going on and on about Artie the way he does. Gary said he's welcome to call in as long as he doesn't go down that road (Artie's money) every time he calls in.
The caller said that they were talking about the greatest bass players and they left out Getty Lee from Rush in that discussion. that led to Jon talking about how great he thinks the band is and how underrated they are. The caller agreed with Jon on that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she met Shuli over the weekend and ended up seeing High Pitch Eric's penis back stage. Shuli said that they brought Eric up on stage and a fan asked to see it. They couldn't do it on stage so they let this woman go back stage to see it instead. It turned out to be this Jill chick and she went back stage with him to see it. Eric grabbed her and brought her to the side of the stage and showed it to her. She came back and said that it wasn't that bad.
The guys also talked about Eric calling the show today and talking about getting a hand job. Jill said that she also saw Danny Bonaduce and he wears the tooth of that Johnny Fairplay guy around his neck. That's the guy who he threw over his neck at an awards show.
Gary had a list of the Christmas radio shows they have going on there. He read the list of channels they have going there that have Christmas music playing. Gary said that channel 81 is the one that he wants to listen to. He said that's the kind of crappy music he likes to hear.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Robin gives a good blow job or not. Gary said that if she likes the guy she probably does a good job, if she doesn't like him, she probably doesn't. The guys talked about how Robin bought a video so she could learn how to do it better. They said that's a positive thing on her part to go out of her way to learn.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary about what he wants to do when Howard retires. He asked if he wants to be behind the scenes or still be out in front. Gary said he'd like to do something that pays well and something that he enjoys. He said that he wants to have deep respect for the host he's working for too.
The caller said he hopes that they don't lose him because he likes to hear him on the show. Gary said that he knows he'll get a lot of mail telling him that he's a sell out when he does move on eventually.
Another caller said that the holiday music they have on is really lame and they don't have the kind of stuff that Gary really wants to hear. The guy said that he's kind of upset about that too.
Jon said that he got a note saying that they're supposed to re-air Sal's Christmas Music special that aired last year. They're supposed to have that on Monday, December 22nd at 7pm.
A caller brought up the Mets and asked Gary when they're going to get better. Gary said he hopes that they will get better next season. The guy said that he's not so sure about that. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who picks the Christmas channels and where they go because XM has them in order on three channels. Gary said that maybe Wendy the Retard picks them.
A caller asked if the part of Xander in Joe Dirt was written for Howard. He said that it seemed like a rip off of Howard that they did. Shuli said that he thinks that Spade did say that it was written with Howard in mind but he didn't want to do it so they got Dennis Miller to play it instead.
Another caller got mentioned during a WWE awards show. Gary said that he was honored to have that mentioned on there but he doesn't see it as a direct reference to him. He said that he looks at it as just a way for people to say that they're Stern fans. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show saying he was excited to come in today. He said they have Penthouse Pet of the Year Taya Parker and Teagan Presley coming in. They also have Pete Wentz coming in. Pete is dating Ashlee Simpson. Howard said that he's looking forward to that stuff.
Howard said Ralph sent him an article that he was interested in. It's about Ashton Kutcher becoming a football coach at a school. They claim that the kids want him gone because they say he doesn't know what he's talking about and they don't like his attitude. Howard said they came up with the name ''Ashton Doucher'' as a nickname for him. Fred said that he'd prefer ''Asshole Kutcher'' instead of that one. Howard said that he'd like something better too. Artie said that ''Ashton Kunter'' would be a good one.
Howard said they have pictures of Ashton standing there with the kids. He said that Ashton probably thought the kids would really like him coming in and being their coach. Howard said they have to get in touch with one of the kids from the school. He had the name of the school and talked about how the kids there hate him. He got a laugh out of that. Artie said that guy has a million jobs that people hate him for.
Howard said that Jay Leno mentioned him in an article where he spoke out about a few things (Jay Leno Speaks: On David Letterman, Howard Stern and More). Howard said Jay said that Howard Stern isn't a populist anymore and his move to satellite was a bad idea. Howard went off on Jay about that for a short time.
Howard said that his move to satellite was the only thing that made sense. He was being hounded by the FCC and he had to get out of that environment. Howard said that Jay is taking whatever he can and he thinks that he's a man of the people because he's on regular TV. Meanwhile he's interviewing people and not asking them anything compelling.
Howard said that Jay's show steals stuff from his show all the time, including Stuttering John. Howard said that Jay should stick to his own issues and not worry about what he's up to. Howard told Jay that a populist doesn't fire his manager, who stood by his side, when she has cancer. Howard said he doesn't forget about any of that stuff. Howard said that her name was Helen Kushnick and he won't forget that.
Howard said that Jay is rewriting history. Artie asked if Jay thinks he's a man of the people when he's working on his $400,000 cars. Howard said that Jay claims he only uses his stand-up comedy money for those cars. He doesn't spend the money he makes on TV on that stuff.
Howard said that Jay would probably say that Hitler was a pretty good guy and wouldn't bad mouth him. Robin said that Jay had Heather Locklear on his show recently and all he asked her was ''So how was 2008 for you?'' and didn't ask her about her fucked up life.
Howard said that Jay has stolen like 50 bits off his show and he can't say anything nice about him. Howard said that Jay probably doesn't even know they stole the bits form the show. He said his writers do that.
Howard said that he had some audio of Jay to play. He played some edited clips of him saying things about cock rings and stuff like that. They made those up from Jay's kids audio books.
Artie said that he wants to try one of those kid's books that these celebrities do. He said that he'd love to be able to make money doing that nonsense.
Howard said that Fred heard a story about Jay stealing a story from some guy and using it as his own in his book. Howard said that he remembers that story because Jay just irks the crap out of him. He said that Jay could never relate to his career in any way, shape or form. He said Jay's career has been so bland and safe that it doesn't compare to his.
Howard pointed out that he came to satellite and brought millions over with him. He said that what Jay said about him means nothing. He said that Jay can't find an interesting question for any guest he has on his show. It's all safe stuff that he talks to people about.
Howard said that Jay once asked Hugh Grant ''What were you thinking?'' and that was a big deal at the time. That's as edgy as Jay will get.
Howard said that the story is interesting because the tiger ended up attacking the woman and the young man and killed the two of them. Howard said that this was a TV special that was on something like HBO or something. He said that the guy who lived told the story. Howard said that he's looking forward to seeing that.
Artie said he was out in the office and lifted his arm to do something and he noticed it was on backwards. That's when he changed it. Howard said Robin came to him and told him that it was on backwards. Artie said that he thought that it had gotten tighter all of a sudden but then realized that it was just on backwards.
Howard said he was thinking about High Pitch Mike and if he's really a virgin or not. He said he's not sure if he's really gay or not too.
Howard read the article where Jay Leno talks about him. He read through that and said that it's the same guy he did an interview with.
Howard said his theory is that High Pitch Mike is straight. Robin told him that he should call Mike's parents, that might make them happy. Howard played some High Pitch Mike song parodies after that. Howard said he might have to go out and straighten out his staff because things are kind of sluggish out there for some reason.
Howard said that Sour is good at calling in and standing out on the street doing his thing but Tim thinks that he freaked out when he had to do a 1 hour, structured, show.
Howard said he thinks that they gave it to Mariann at the last minute because Sour Shoes backed out of the whole thing.
Robin said she listened to some of the show last night and it was kind of fascinating hearing the Wack Pack talking to itself.
The caller asked if he cuts off Mariann because her voice hurts his ears. Howard said yes. He said that Mariann can talk for a few seconds and he can cut her off. He said he can't imagine listening to that for an hour.
Howard played some audio clips from Mariann's show. She had High Pitch Eric, Double A, Irish John and Fred the Elephant Boy in the studio. They were waiting for Jim Florentine to show up. Mariann called him ''the late Jim Florentine'' so Howard figured she was saying that since he's dead to the show now that he and Robin have broken up.
Howard played a clip of the guys on Mariann's show singing and lasted about 2 seconds before saying that's where he would have shut his radio off. Artie said he would have lasted about a minute and a half longer than him.
One caller to Mariann's show said that they were horrible. Howard said that they are kind of making him look bad. He said they promise quality entertainment and this is what they give them.
Howard said that he had some audio of Jim Florentine on the show. Jim ended up calling in instead of showing up live. Mariann was telling Jim that she wanted him to show up life. Mariann wanted to know what he was giving his girlfriend for Christmas. Jim said that he doesn't have one so he'll be saving about 10 bucks this year. That got Fred doing his impression of Jim for a few seconds.
Howard played a clip of Irish John asking Fred the Elephant Boy about doing something weird to win an xBox on the show one time. Fred told that story about doing gay stuff to win that.
Robin said that Eric the Midget called that show and he was so hard to understand that she had no idea what he was saying. Howard played a clip of Jeff the Drunk calling in and the rest of the crew trying to sing a song. Howard said this makes him think that Fred the Elephant Boy deserves a show of his own. He said that his singing alone was great. Howard cut that clip off after a few seconds. He couldn't take it.
Howard played a clip where a caller asked the Wack Pack what they would want for Christmas. Fred the Elephant Boy said something that Howard had to interpret for us. He was wishing for an early parole for his girlfriend. Howard wondered what that was about. No one was sure what she was in for.
Artie said that Fred showed up to his show down in Washington DC. He asked him what he was doing down there and Fred just said ''I have Fwiends.''
Howard played a clip of Eric the Midget calling into Mariann's show. Mariann asked Eric what his favorite memory of growing up was. Eric said that was a good question. Eric said he remembers a lot of holidays and going to see his grandparents on his dad's side of the family. Double A told him that it is a great time of year to be spending with family.
Howard said that Double A is looking very odd these days now that he's gotten so fat. Artie said he is looking strange because he's fat in weird places.
Mariann called in and tried to change her voice to make it a little less hard to take. She said that she was asked to do the show at the last minute. She started to ramble a little too much so Howard had to cut her off. Howard said that he has to love her though because she is a super fan.
Robin said that the show was kind of strange because they had all kinds of Wack Packers calling in one after the other. Howard said that they would have had to have worked to make that Eric the Midget call interesting. Howard said that if he leaves SIRIUS in 2011 then there will be 4 hours a day of that kind of show.
Howard said that it's kind of a separation anxiety because you're leaving all of your stuff behind to go do something. Robin said that it's a lifetime of anger built up that makes you think that you shouldn't enjoy the vacation or anything good.
Howard suggested that the guy take out some flight insurance and leave them a bunch of money to them. Howard said he knows that one woman left him a lot of money in her will but she's still hanging around. He said she hasn't died yet. Howard told the guy to leave him some money just in case he does die if that plane crashes.
The caller said that he took 4 Xanax but he's still freaking out. Robin said that he could take some Ambien. He said that's like Pez to him. He said he took 3 of these bars of Xanax and about 7 10mg Valium's. Robin told him he's got some major problems. The guy said that the bars don't open up until 9 so he can't even drink yet.
The guy said that he's only 180 pounds and he can take all of those drugs. Howard said that would knock him out if he took all of that.
Howard asked the guy why he's going on the trip if he feels this way. Howard told him to go home and relax if he's feeling like this. The guy said he's supposed to meet some girls down there so that's why. Howard said that's a good reason to go. He told him he should stick to it and just go if it's to meet chicks.
The caller said that he's meeting an old fuck buddy of his down there and he's hoping to meet some other chicks there too. The guy asked Artie how he flies every weekend. Artie said he doesn't have a fear of flying, he just hates the monotony of it all.
Howard said he hates flying but he just deals with it. He plays chess against the computer and things like that. He said that he does get white knuckles when they get any turbulence though. Artie said that when it's for work you have to think about it as if you're getting something accomplished when you're just sitting there. He said that his advice to this guy would be to take more Xanax but that's not a good idea. He told the guy not to do that.
Robin said she loves to fly. She said the best part about going to India was how long the flight was. She never even thinks about the crashing thing. Robin said she likes to just sit there and maybe nap. She said that she was on a flight once where the whole plane applauded when they landed. Robin said she even lucked out one time when her luggage came up right before the luggage belt broke and no one else was able to get their luggage.
The caller told Howard that he wants all of his money to go to him if he dies. He said that Artie has his number and he can tell his family about the money going to Howard.
Howard asked Eric when his American Idol show is going to come back. He said that Eric had a co-host on his show. Eric said that he doesn't have a co-host when he does the shows there at SIRIUS. Howard said he was talking about his Idol show on JFSC. Howard said her name was Gina. Eric said he thought he was talking about the show he did on Howard 101.
Howard asked Eric about the Idol show and if he's bringing that back. Eric said he will be doing that on January 13th at JFSC.tv. Howard asked Eric about what he thinks about the new plans for American Idol. Eric said he likes that they have a new judge. Artie cut him off and told Eric that it was nice that he called in. Eric kept going but Artie kept cutting him off and wished him a happy new year.
Johnny Fratto called in and said that Mariann's show was good. He said that when you take away the singing and stuff it wasn't so bad. He said that the guys were actually doing a great job hosting the show. Howard asked if he liked when Eric called in. Johnny said ''Yeah... oh yeah, he was good.'' It didn't sound very convincing.
Johnny asked if they gave Howard the clip of Eric apologizing to him. Howard said that he didn't get that. Johnny said that Scott should have that clip. He said that he thinks that Howard will like it very much. Howard said he'll dig that out and check it out. Howard said he had to go but Eric asked why they couldn't play that while he's on the phone.
Howard said that Gary just gave him the look as if the apology wasn't very good. Gary told him that it was 2 minutes long and it sounded like it was very made up and phony. Johnny said that Eric is trying to be funny in it and it's just not funny, that's why it's funny. Howard said that maybe he'll listen to it just to hear what it's about. He said that he had to get going after that. Howard let Eric and Johnny go a short time later and ended up playing Eric's ''Wild Thing'' song about that Kendra chick he was in love with.
Howard said that Caroline Kennedy wants to be senator from New York now that Hillary is leaving. He said that she may just get it just because of the Kennedy name. Howard said that being qualified for the job apparently doesn't mean anything.
Artie asked what's going on with Ted Kennedy's cancer and stuff. Robin said that they may be looking at it as if he doesn't have much longer and they still need another Kennedy around.
Howard said he was watching the guy in Iraq throwing the shoes at President bush and he'd like to know where the Secret Service was. He said that the guy threw two shoes at him and there were no guys around Bush. Fred said that they didn't know if that guy had another weapon or not and they should have gotten in there quickly.
Howard said it's really fucked up with this Plaxico Burress and Antonio Pierce. He said that they went to a strip club where they have hidden video from the club. He said that there's a rule about that kind of stuff and that's just wrong.
Howard said that they claim in the paper that Antonio Pierce is coming up from behind a woman, squeezing her ass and kissing her ear. Howard said that what he saw was a complete set of traitors to mankind. He said that the people at the strip club turned on this guy. Howard said that the guy only kind of looked like Antonio. Howard said that his wife doesn't even believe that it was him. Howard said he loves a woman like that.
Howard said that every guy should avoid going to strip clubs until all of them get rid of the hidden cameras. He said it's just wrong to have video cameras there at the clubs.
Artie said that the worst thing going on at strip clubs is that people have cell phone cameras there and they take still pictures while you're getting a lap dance.
Howard said that when he'd go to Scores he'd figure that there were hidden cameras in the room and he'd cover up the TV in the room with his coat just to make sure he was covering up any hidden cameras. Howard said he wouldn't allow any cameras in a strip club if he owned one.
Gary came in with a copy of the magazine that just came this morning. Howard checked it out and said that Carmen really is amazing looking. Howard said he'd like to have her come in but Gary said that she's got something going on where she tapes a personal message for people to authenticate it. He said he thinks that her people are going to have her come in again soon. Howard said she's got great nipples and a great ass. He said he was getting sick looking at it because she's so beautiful.
Howard was going to read her interview but they were all staring at her pictures. Howard eventually read through some of the interview. Howard wondered why Dave Navarro gave that up. He said he heard that he gave her up because she was so consumed with being famous that she was never home.
Howard said they list the guys Carmen has been with and mentioned a few guys but not Prince. Howard read about her history and how she got into Playboy years ago.
Howard said Carmen looks like she's going to take a dump in one picture. Robin said that she read she's 36 years old. Howard said she looks great.
Howard said they had her wearing a weird belt over her vagina in one picture. Robin said she'd engaged to Rob Patterson from KoRn. Artie laughed and said that these broads make the same mistakes over and over again. Howard said that she should come in there and hang with them. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he didn't know Fred was playing a song. He said he missed it while he was listening to Fran Drescher on Larry King. Howard said she wants to be senator of New York. Howard figured that he could throw his name in there too if Fran is doing it. Howard said that Larry King really seems to be losing it. He wondered what's up with his wife.
Howard played a clip of Larry trying to say Caroline Kennedy and he wasn't able to get her name out. Then Howard played a clip of Larry screwing up Fran Drescher's name by calling her ''Iran Drescher.'' He said ''Iran'' about 3 times and then finally called her Fran. Artie said that someone should step in at this point and get him out of there. Artie said they were making jokes about him being too old 20 years ago.
Howard said Larry had Fran on his show and she was talking about wanting Hillary's seat. Howard played that clip where Fran talks about wanting Hillary's spot. She and Larry talked about that for a couple of minutes and Fran seems to think she's qualified.
Howard said that interview goes on and on. Howard said that Larry was clearly unclear about some stuff. Howard said that he'd have to pick Fran over Caroline Kennedy for that senate seat. Howard said that if Fran went through the trouble of changing her voice and laugh then she deserves it.
Howard played some clips that someone put together of Lisa saying some strange things. Howard asked Lisa to get to her news preview. Lisa said that on this day in 1988 Howard had the man play a piano with his penis. Howard said there was something else on this day too. Lisa said that in 2005 this day was the last day on K=Rock. Howard said that was a nightmare on terrestrial radio. He said saying goodbye to it was a great day.
Howard said he doesn't like being reminded of that day because he didn't feel he handled the broadcast the right way.
Lisa said that Sal the Stockbroker tried to use his status on the show to get this guy Duff Goldman to come to the comedy show he was doing this weekend. He's a big fan of this guy and tried to lure him there. That didn't work.
Howard said he heard that Sal was offered a big amount of money for his wife's panties and Sal said there was no way he could do that. Gary suggested that he just send any pair of panties and not tell the guy. Howard said that when Sal heard that it was like a cave man discovering fire.
Sal came in and said that this guy bought the domain ChristineGovernale.com and wanted him to buy the domain. He said he couldn't afford it so the guy wanted him to send him some of her stuff to put on the web site. Sal said that he has 3 sisters so he might be able to get some stuff from them to send to this guy.
Sal said that he almost strangled his wife last night. He said that Howard might have to talk to her. Sal said that they were wrapping gifts last night for the kids. He said he came across an Abercrombe and Fitch cologne bottle. He figured it was for him but his wife told him it's for their 9 year old son Antonio. Sal said that the bottle was $30. He said that he found out that she bought 2 bottles and figured it was for his two kids. Howard told Sal that she's probably buying it for her emotional friend.
Sal said that he can't imagine that it would be for that guy. Howard told Sal that it's probably for the emotional friend and there was no way it was going to his son. Robin said that maybe she was covering up for Sal and she was just saying that it was for the kid to cover up. Robin said that she'll either give it to her son or to Sal and make up a story about it being for one of them even if it wasn't.
Sal said that he's been thinking about this very hard and there is no reason for a 7 or 9 year old to wear cologne. Howard said that's 30 bucks of his that's going to the emotional friend. Sal said he's never heard of a 9 year old wearing cologne. Sal said that it's making sense to him now. Sal said that he could have bought a Nintendo game for his kid with that $30.
Sal said that he believes his wife and thinks that she actually did give them cologne. He said he's crazy enough to do that. He said that it is crazy. Howard told him to go into business with her and her underwear. Sal said he's not even sure if she wears underwear. He hasn't seen her in 10 years.
Lisa G said that Ass Napkin Ed is selling the napkins that he wore on the show. One of the napkins is going for $8 on eBay and another one is going for $16 on CrudeBay.com.
Howard said that he understands that some of the funds are going to that Susan B. Komen cancer charity. Lisa told Howard not to make fun of that. Howard said he's not making fun, he wants to know what her cookie sales are going to go to the charity. Lisa said that she hasn't figured out how much of those proceeds are going to charity. Howard told her that she should have come up with a number before she started selling them. Howard said it's fishy when she says she's going to give some but doesn't know how much it is. Lisa said she thinks it's at least 10 percent but she hopes it's more.
Howard said that Taya is so naked. He said that he saw her asshole in one picture and it looked so clean. He wanted to know how she keeps it that clean and beautiful. She said that she's never had anal sex so that might help.
Teagan said that she's into anal and just had it the other night. Howard said that a man is better off with a woman like these two because they have a lot more fun. Teagan said that they're less likely to stray. She said that they know how to please them and they don't get bored.
Howard asked if Teagan is wild in her sexual life. She said that she likes the rough stuff in her real life just like she does in her movies.
Teagan said that she doesn't get into the foreplay thing and she prefers to just get into sex right away. Taya said she likes the foreplay and likes to make her men work for it.
Howard asked if the girls like to kiss and stuff like that. Teagan said that she kisses a little bit but she doesn't need it. Taya said she likes to do that. Teagan said that she just needs a guy to breath in her ear and she can get worked up.
Teagan said she's had a record 23 orgasms in one session before too. Howard said he can't imagine a guy lasting that long with her. She said that it was just 45 minutes and it was just one of those moments for them. Howard said he can't imagine lasting that long with a hot chick like that. Teagan said she was very tired after that 45 minutes. She said that she'll blow a guy and take a break during sex to make it last longer.
Howard said that they have pictures of the girls up on his web site. He said he'd give them more plugs for places you can check them out later on.
Howard asked Taya about the lap dances she gives where she does some kind of trick. She wanted to demonstrate it on someone so she asked the guys who wanted to be part of it. Artie didn't jump up and take the spot. He asked what the trick was but Taya didn't answer.
Howard asked Teagan if she's into chicks. She said that she's not really into them that much. She said that girls will sometimes not cut their nails and it hurts when they finger bang her. She said that guys will do it and she likes it but not for a long time.
JD came in to see what this Taya special trick was. Howard told JD to sit on the couch and let Taya demonstrate this trick she does during lap dances. Taya took her clothes off for him while Howard was asking her about the kind of money she makes doing those feature dancing gigs.
Howard said that Taya has some body on her. She said that she works out. She had JD sit back and demonstrated the trick she does. She did a back bend with her pussy in JD's face. Howard asked if guys are into that kind of stuff. He said he'd rather not see the special tricks when he goes to a club. He said that he just wants some sensuality. Howard asked JD if he liked it. JD said that she's got a great ass and he liked it in his face.
Howard said he'd like to have a girl put her knee into his penis and stuff like that. Taya claims that she stripped for Harrison Ford one time and he was very rude to the girls. Howard said that the girls won't give a special lap dance if you're mean to the girls. Howard said the girls don't want to be abused. Taya said she didn't care who he was even when the other girls were talking about how cool it was to have Indiana Jones there.
Howard asked the girls how long it takes for guys to have an accident in their pants. Taya said that she had a guy that lasted 15 seconds with her. Howard said it sounds like Taya enjoys this lifestyle. She said it's just a job, not a lifestyle. She said she can just walk away if she wants to and doesn't have to dance for anyone she doesn't want to.
Howard said that Teagan seems so pure but she's into this hard core porn stuff. Teagan said that she has 4 nominations in the upcoming porn awards. She rattled off the list of things she's up for. Howard asked her how she got into porno.
Teagan said that she was a loner in high school because she was always moving around to new schools. She said that she answered an ad for nude modeling in the paper and ended up getting into porno after that. Howard said she must make some good money doing what she does. She said that she's doing pretty good but she's only doing girls in the movies she does. She said that she has two kids and she's going through a custody battle right now so she's not doing guys. She said that it's not hard core stuff now either. She said that she's in a relationship now too and she's trying to keep the guy around so she's only doing chicks on film.
Howard asked about the custody thing and what the husband is saying about her. She said that they say that she's a porn actress and doesn't hang around with good people. Teagan said that he was a porn star in the past too but he got out of the business.
Howard said that Teagan has had a bunch of boob jobs. She said that she tore a pectoral muscle after one surgery during a movie shoot. She said she thought she was healed but apparently wasn't.
Howard asked Teagan about the guy she's seeing now. She said that he's a good guy and she's not with him just for his money or anything. She said that they're well off though. She said that he used to do home theater but now he's managing her stuff for her. She said that he's just a normal guy.
Howard said that he wanted to listen to some of Teagan's work. He asked her about some of her latest movies. She talked about one where she was on roller skates and another one where she was doing a Marcia Brady impression. She revealed that she can orgasm from anal sex alone. Howard said that he loves everything this girl says. Teagan said that she did anal the other night and they didn't have any foreplay at all. She said that they discuss doing it before she does. Teagan said that she usually doesn't worry about having one in the chamber back there, she just doesn't think about it.
Howard played some audio of Teagan in one of her movies. She was in a locker room in the roller derby movie getting banged. Teagan said that she's just as loud in real life as she is in the movies too. Howard said that the noise she makes is a turn on to him. He said that she hasn't said one wrong thing yet.
Howard said that both girls are fun in their own way. He said that whatever they're doing is fantastic. Taya said that they're glad that they're making Howard happy.
Howard had the girls show off their bodies a little bit and asked if they were molested as kids. Taya said that she didn't have anything like that and she thinks she's too normal for the Howard Stern Show. Howard said she's not that normal. Artie said that both of them are whack-a-dos.
Howard asked how the girls avoided being molested. Teagan said she was a ballet dancer and she was hardly even at school. Robin said there's no one in ballet who wants to molest a girl.
Howard said that the girls are in Penthouse magazine and you can see them in the January issue. Howard said Taya will be at the Romantic Depot in Paramus, NJ tonight. She's also going to be up in Brockton, MA the week of Christmas.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Taya should ride the Sybian. Teagan didn't want to do it though. Howard asked Teagan why she didn't want to do it. She said that they had her do the Sybian one time with an inserted attachment and it was a home made attachment that didn't work out so well. She doesn't trust it now.
Howard asked Taya if she would ride it. She said she would give it a try. Howard had her to over and get on the thing after they set it up with a new piece of rubber.
Gary told Taya what to do and let him know what she wanted as far as speed. He also said it works better if her top is off. She took her top off after that. Howard told her to be honest and let them know if she wanted more juice.
Gary started off the Sybian at about 30 percent and started turning up the power slowly. Taya said her teeth were chattering. Howard told Gary to turn it up. She said that it was doing nothing for her. Gary told her to block the guys out and just get into it. Taya said it was just making her numb down there. She wasn't getting into it so Gary just sent it up to full speed for a second.
Taya didn't like the machine so Gary asked Teagan if she wanted to give it a try. She wasn't going to do it no matter what. Howard said it doesn't work on everyone. He wished the girls luck in their careers. He gave them some more plugs and then asked the girls about this Fran Drescher and Caroline Kennedy trying to become senator. Taya knew about it but Teagan said she was just going to say no comment on that story.
Taya asked the guys what they think about the Plaxico Burress shooting thing. That led to Howard talking about that for a short time.
Taya said that she's going to be on the new season of ''Rock of Love'' with Brett Michaels. She said that they just wrapped that show up but she can't say how it turned out. She said that she was into Brett though and she did try to win. Howard seemed to find that hard to believe that she was really into the guy.
Howard had to wrap up with the girls a short time later. He said that all of the guys love them. Artie asked the girls if they wanted a breakfast burrito. Howard said that's how he could tell that Artie really liked them. He said Artie has never offered a guest his breakfast. The girls thought Artie was offering them some weird sexual thing when he said ''breakfast burrito.'' Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said Pete seems to be very busy because he's always being photographed doing something. Pete said that the photographers can get dangerous and weird.
Pete said they'll go an hour out of their way to try and avoid being filmed. He said that they live on a private street and the photographers pose as pizza guys and stuff like that. Howard asked what it is that makes them want to photograph them so much. Pete said he's like a purse to his wife than anything. He said that he understands why they're fascinated with his wife though.
Pete plays bass in the band Fall Out Boy so Howard asked him how he got into that stuff. Pete said he started out early and he was diagnosed with ADD and he was also bipolar. He said that he was sent to boot camp after a therapist suggested it. He said that experience was pretty messed up because he was just a goofy kid and he was in there with kids who were like Michael Myers from ''Halloween.''
Howard said that it seems like your parents don't like you when they send you off to a camp like that. Pete said that they're okay now. He said that he probably was the problem. Pete said he might have a strange brain chemistry and he used to mess around with drugs to try and fix himself and that's not the right thing to do.
Howard asked Pete about how he almost killed himself one time when he and a fried played Russian Roulette. Pete said he didn't even know why he did it. He said he was on Ambien and he as hanging out with bad people so he's not sure what he was thinking. He was around 23 or 24 around that time.
Howard asked Pete who went first. Pete said that he was the first one and his friend went next. He wasn't even sure if the gun was actually loaded. He also said that at the time he didn't care what his family thought and what happened if he had shot himself. Now he's much better and doesn't think that way.
Howard asked Pete what it was like pulling the trigger. Pete said that it's like the minute before you bungee jump or go out on stage in front of 10,000 people. Pete said that he was afraid to fly back then but he wasn't afraid to put a gun to his head.
Robin asked Pete what changed his life. Pete said that he found a great girl that changed his life. Howard asked Pete about the band Fall Out Boy and what he does in there. Pete said that he actually writes most of the songs. Howard said that the bass players usually don't do anything in the band when they're on stage. Pete does move around on stage though so Howard pointed that out. Yesterday they were talking about bass players just standing around doing nothing.
Howard asked Pete when he started to get famous. Pete said he was 22 or 23. Howard said he was dating some really hot chicks back then and mentioned one from Buffy the Vampire slayer. Howard asked if he only dated famous chicks. Pete said that he dated regular girls too. Howard asked if he's into dudes too because he has admitted to having kissed guys before. Pete said that was more of a way of freaking people out.
Pete said that he wanted to keep the numbers low with the girls he slept with so he didn't bang every girl he possibly could. Howard asked if Ashlee's dad gives him a hard time. He said that Joe gets more bad press than even he does.
Howard asked Pete how he met Michelle Trachtenberg and if she's a 10 on a scale of 10. Pete said that he can't go there with that. He said his wife will kill him if he goes there. Pete said that he ended up getting dumped because he wasn't the greatest boyfriend.
Howard said that Pete also had Lindsay Lohan so he asked him about her. Pete said that felt like they didn't even really date. Pete said that he was so deep into Ambien that he doesn't think there was any connection there but it may have happened. Howard said that a girl like Lindsay is attractive to him because she's kind of crazy. He said that he'd wake up from the Ambien to be with that. Robin said it seems that she'd work hard in bed too.
Pete said that Lindsay seems to be happy now that she's with the person she's with now. He said that she was probably made for that.
Howard said that Pete met Ashlee Simpson after that. Pete said that he was asked in an interview who he would like to meet and he said it was Ashlee. He said that he met her at a party after that and hung out. He said nothing happened but they stayed friends for like a year. He said that she went and did a show in London and when she came back they started going out. He said that he was into her pre-nose job and he thought she was beautiful either way.
Howard said that Pete is kind of wild and Ashlee's dad must really hate that. Pete said that he's really a good guy and he just gets a bad rap in the paper. Pete said that Joe once said to him that they had seen too much of him on the internet that year but they had a good laugh over it. Pete said that Ashlee's mom is the one who helps out a lot too and keeps things under control.
Howard asked how Ashlee is doing after the baby and if she's snapping back. Pete said she is snapping back and he thinks that the breast feeding thing is what helps out with that. The baby is only 2 weeks old so they're not back to having sex yet. Howard said that Ashlee isn't ready for that.
Pete said that he saw the baby being born and it was pretty frightening. He said that he was in love as soon as the baby came out. He said that he didn't know what to expect when the baby was born. He tried to prepare himself for it by watching the Discovery Channel. Pete said that when the baby was born he just wanted to hold the baby. He said that it's very cliché to say that it changes you but it's very true.
Howard told Pete that he has to turn Ashlee around and turn her into that sexual object again. Pete said that they have such a sexual chemistry and he figured that if they had done this show a year ago, they would have been having sex in the green room. Howard said that things are going to change now that she's had a baby. Pete said ''We'll see.''
Howard asked about Jessica Simpson and if she ever comes around dressed in sexy outfits. Pete said that she really doesn't do that. Howard asked Pete if he's ever thought about being with both Jessica and Ashlee. Pete said that he's always been an Ashlee guy.
Howard said there's something about his wife that does it for him. Pete said he's the same way. He said that he used to whack off to her pictures on the cover of Blender magazine. He said that Ashlee loves that he used to whack off to those pictures. Pete said that he's actually beat off in front of Ashlee. He said he knows his publicist is going to kill him for saying that though.
Howard asked how long it took him to get into Ashlee's pants. Pete said that it took a long time. He said that when they finally did it, it was the greatest sexual encounter of his life. He said that he was in a hotel with a mirror that let him watch himself banging the girls of his dreams.
Howard asked about the name they gave the kid. It's Bronx Mowgli. Pete said that they liked the name Bronx. Howard said he kind of likes that name too.
Joey Boots called in and said that he beats off to Pete. He said that Pete is really hot. Joey asked him to take his shirt off for the Howard TV cameras but Pete said he can't do that. His wife would kill him. Pete said he's also gained about 10 pounds since his wife got pregnant.
Howard said that Ashlee is really hot and she waved to him once so he figured that he might be able to get her. Pete said that Ashlee was worried that he was going to say something nasty about her on the show but he told her that he thought Howard liked her and wouldn't say anything bad.
Howard took some more calls and one guy said he just bought the new Fall Out Boy album, ''Folie A Deux,'' this morning. They spent a minute talking about that and also about who is bringing in the money between Pete and Ashlee. Pete said he's not sure about that.
Howard asked Pete if he's ever discussed a threesome with his wife. Pete said he's never done that. He said that it would be the beginning of the downhill of their relationship if they did it. Howard asked if she dresses up for him. Pete said that she will give him lap dances and she gives a mean lap dance. Howard said that's a good girl he's got.
Howard asked Pete how much he spent on the wedding ring for Ashlee. He didn't say but Howard guessed it was about $150,000 and Pete said he was in the right neighborhood. Howard said he hopes that she appreciates that. Howard said that's why he got a tattoo on his finger for Beth instead of getting a ring. That was much cheaper.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the story about them trying to get money for pictures of their baby and they were turned down. Pete said that he doesn't want their kid to be a commodity to them. He said that the stories about them going out and trying to get money for the pictures are false.
Another caller said that he always thought this guy was a fruity guy but after today he doesn't believe that. The caller asked Pete if he's ever given it to his wife in the bad place. Pete said that his wife does like him to have a good time so that's all he's going to say. The caller said that Pete is his hero. Pete said she really is a good girl. The caller said that this is one of the best guests they've had on the show in a while.
Howard said that Pete was there to promote this new album ''Folie A Deux.'' Howard said that the new single is ''America's Sweethearts'' and he was going to play some of that. Howard asked Pete about doing a song with John Mayer and what's going on with him and Jennifer Aniston. Pete said he doesn't know about that but John Mayer is a great guy to be around and they should have him on the show.
Gary came in and said that he asked John to come on the show and he said he's a fan but there's no way he's coming on. Gary said that John wrote a letter about Pete and it sounds like he's in love with him. Howard heard that Pete was kind of in love with the guy too. Pete said that John is one of those guys that you know is going to end up in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame one day and he's really just a cool guy. Howard said he can't imagine that he's having fun dating Jennifer Aniston. Pete said he's never met her so he wouldn't know.
Howard played some of the new album and said that it must be cool to be a bass player in a band like that. He then played some of Fall Out Boy's hit songs to remind people of what they've done. Howard played the new single ''America's Sweethearts'' after that. They talked about the music business while they were playing that stuff.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she thought it was rockin' that Pete talked about his man crush stuff on the air like he did. She said that her husband used to do ecstasy and he used to do some stuff like that. Howard said that no matter how much ecstasy he takes there's no way he'd be kissing dudes. Howard thanked the woman for calling in but she told Howard to try kissing Pete. Howard said he's too tall for Pete. Artie told her to get back to her fag husband. She got a laugh out of that.
Howard had to wrap up with Pete after that. He congratulated him on his new son and album and his marriage. Pete said he wants to come back sometime. Howard told him to come back. Howard asked him if he saw the Penthouse Pets that were there. Pete said he did get a peek at them even though they closed the door when he showed up. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back from break and asked what happened to Stevie. Robin said he's still going out on tour and doing charity events. Howard said that's not doing concerts though. Robin said that he did play.
Gary said that he heard a rumor that Stevie may do Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that's insane. He said that Stevie is a big deal and he doesn't need money. JD said that he heard that they were talking about that on a radio show that he was being interviewed on. He said that Stevie claimed that he was in talks to do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Pete was a great interview. The guy told Howard that he was great too. Howard said he really did like that kid Pete. He said he was a nice young man.
Howard said that he's learned that he doesn't need to get all worked up about stuff in his life. He said that he's learning that things he thinks are urgent and important aren't so urgent and important. Howard said he has an example of that but it's really personal.
Howard said he used to think that he had to do the Letterman show when they'd call him to do it. Now he realizes that he doesn't need to do it. He said he does need the attention but he needs so much that the need is going to be there no matter what he does. He said he can't stand it when Beth doesn't pay attention to him.
Howard said that he really hasn't learned all that much in his life. He said that he's getting older but he's just an immature guy stuck in an old body. Howard said that he realizes that other people are the same way.
Howard talked about how Pig Virus really undermined everything he tried to do at WNBC when he was there. Howard said that the guy would bash him and they go out and try to create the same type of show on other stations.
Howard said that he hung a picture of him and Paul Giamatti doing the WNBC scene together and he wasn't sure if he wanted to remind himself of those days at WNBC. He said he did enjoy working with Paul but it reminds him of the WNBC days with Pig Virus. Howard said he knows that Kevin's job was to try and get him to quit but he knew that's what he was up to and there was no way he was going to quit.
Howard, Fred and Robin all talked about those days at WNBC and what went on there with Imus and Kevin. Howard said that those two would give him the cold shoulder there even though his ratings were higher than Imus' ever were. Howard said they were treated like skunks there.
Steve Langford got back to his preview and said that Vinnie Favale is threatening to release every version of his song ''Restless, Restless.'' You can find out more about that through his Facebook page.
Steve said that they have a story about the owner of National Lampoon who is in jail for trying to artificially raise the price of their stock. Howard said he's not sure how they catch those guys like that. Howard ended up talking about the plans he had for a Howard Stern magazine and things like that. They also talked about how hard they work on this radio show while people like Oprah work an hour a day.
Steve mentioned Jackie the Joke Man's show being on tonight and Robin gave him a big ''Ughh'' when she heard the name. Howard said that Jackie contacted him a few months ago about getting together for dinner and he just hasn't done it. Howard said he gets busy and he doesn't have the chance to go out. Howard said he'd like to get together with the guy but he just can't do it. Howard said it would be another thing if Jackie were there in the studio.
Artie said that he knows how to handle Howard. He told Howard that he doesn't bother him with stuff that people want him to. He said they wanted him to do this promotion for his book where they wanted to use Howard's name to promote the book but Artie said he told them not to use his name. They asked him to ask Howard if it was okay but Artie said that he knows better than to even ask. Howard said Artie's smart and he did the right think.
Artie said that Jackie is in the Playboy with Carmen Electra in it. He said he could hear him talking when he reads the quotes from Jackie. Artie tried to do the impression but he knew he didn't do it as well as Howard and the guys.
Howard told Fred that when Fred plays that Ringo Starr ''Peace and Love'' clip he wants to hear the whole thing. Fred said he wasn't sure if he had it but went looking for it. He played it a short time later. It's a clip where Ringo talks about how he's not going to sign any stuff for the fans after a certain date but he keeps saying ''Peace and love'' over and over.
Howard said he just read that Jackie released a new CD so maybe that's what he wanted to talk about. He had Steve wrap up his news preview and then had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview.
Howard said that someone wrote an e-mail to him telling him that it's about time his ignorant ass stopped doing math out loud. Artie said that people just don't get the show. Howard said he's not sure if he should keep doing the show. He read through that e-mail where a guy told him to learn how to say some other words before he yells at Gary about the way he says Reese's.
Howard read some e-mail about Lou Reed and why his songs were so long. Someone said that was Lou's way of getting out of a contract with record companies. They claimed that Lou doesn't do those long songs in concert now either.
Howard read that in the first Chrysler bail out the government ended up making money when they got paid back. Robin said that they say that won't happen again with this newest bail out.
Howard read some mail about the Wendy the Retard bit they did yesterday. Some people thought it was kind of rude and people tuned out. Howard said that everyone has to go through a contest to win money so that's why he did that bit. Jon Hein finished his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Gary told Howard that Jackie has a new DVD out and if you order 3 copies he throws in a free CD. Gary read the stuff that he had about the new DVD and the many deals he has for that stuff. He's got a whole thing going on there. Howard said he really does have to meet with Jackie over that stuff.
Sal said that one time they had an auction going on with Stern Show stuff and no one bought Jackie's stuff in that. They even reduced the price of his stuff.
Robin got to her news and played a clip of Snoop Dogg's new Christmas song. Artie said he tried watching his show ''Snoop's Fatherhood'' and he's really pushing his 13 year old kid to play football. He said he sends the kid away to a camp to train and the kid clearly doesn't want to play. He said the kid is being a kid and doesn't want to get up early in the summer to do the football thing. Artie said you wouldn't think Snoop Dogg would be like that but he's really pushing the kid.
Robin read a story about Madonna and Guy Ritchie settling on their divorce. She had a story about a study that was done that found that 46 percent of women would choose abstinence if threatened with losing the internet or sex. Howard said that most guys would choose sex over the internet. Artie said that's what it should be. Howard said that whole question is retarded.
Robin said that the mansion of Gianni Versace has been opened up for tourists who are willing to pay $65. She said there's a new music therapy room at a hospital in Sarasota, Florida and it's named after Brian Johnson of AC/DC.
Artie did an impression of Brian doing a Best of Stern bumper from the K-Rock days. He said he had a few others and did one of Mickey Mantle doing a promo for Best of Stern back at K-Rock.
Robin had a story about Caroline Kennedy so that got Fred and Howard doing their ''Er-uh'' impressions of Ted Kennedy. Robin said that Caroline has contacted Al Sharpton for help getting the spot. She's also got the support of Michael Bloomberg.
Robin had some audio of Governor Patterson complaining about the Saturday Night Live skit where they made fun of him. Howard said that the sketch wasn't that bad. He said that they lampoon politicians all the time and they make them all look like imbeciles. Howard said that's what happens when you become a prominent politician. They had to go to break a short time later.
After the break, around 10:25am, Robin got back to her news and talked about Governor Rod Blagojevich not stepping down after what he's done. Howard said that people like that never step down and he's probably going to make a case saying he did nothing wrong. Robin said that Barack Obama is saying his staff didn't have any talks with Blagojevich. She had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin had some news about Vice President Dick Cheney and had him talking about not having any regrets about the way they treated terrorist suspects. That led to Howard and Robin talking about torture for a short time. Howard seemed to be all for it while Robin said that it's not right the way they handle it.
Robin had a story about Dubai where they're going to have a refrigerated beach. She said they already have a mall that you can ski in. Artie said he wanted to go over there when he was in Afghanistan. Robin said that they put everything indoors over there. She read about the cooled beach that will have heat absorbing pipes under the beach. Howard said he'd prefer to walk on a hot beach. Robin said that this is out in the desert though, not just a warm beach.
Robin said that Ryan Seacrest has a new show out called ''Mama's Boy'' and he's being sued over it. Some other guys claim they came up with the idea. Howard said he immediately sided with the guys who claim he stole it because that guy can't possibly have an original idea in his head. Robin had a clip from the show. Howard played it but said ''who cares'' after about 3 seconds of it.
Robin had a story about Cameron Diaz where she was commenting on some play she had just seen that was really funny. Artie asked if she could possibly know what's funny.
Robin said that Jon Bon Jovi is having some problems with the football league that he owns a team in. They're talking about calling off the 2009 season for the league. Artie said the problem is that no one cares about the league and have no reason to watch it.
Howard said that they were smart to have Jon Bon Jovi and the band on back in the 80s. He said that they were big after that and they're still living off of that stardom. Robin said that Bon Jovi played at their prom. Howard said they could have backed some really shitty bands but they got behind Bon Jovi. Artie said that they could have backed Flock of Seaguls. That led to him talking about seeing the guy from that band on VH-1 and saying that he's now fat and bald.
Robin said that there's a woman out there who claims she's the half sister of Elvis Presley. Robin said that she's going to try to prove that she is related but a court has said her case has no merit.
Robin had Howard play a clip of Chuck Berry performing ''Johnny B Good.'' She said that his old house has been added to a history places list. Right now it's in a bad part of town and there are bars on the windows but it's still up on the list of historical places.
Robin said that there's a boat going up for sale that belonged to the man who may have inspired a part in the movie Jaws. Robin had a story about an actor that's on trial for the killing of a police officer.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what's going on with Howard TV and why Jared and JD's second part isn't up yet. Doug Goodstein said that they chose not to air it because there was something else that day that they put up instead. Doug said that it wasn't that great of a finale so they put something else up. The show should air in January.
The caller also asked about the creative meetings that they were showing. Doug said they sprinkle it in when it's needed. Howard said they put a lot of thought into that stuff over there at Howard TV.
Artie said that the caller sounded kind of like Ass Napkin Ed. He said that he actually enjoys talking to Ed and also that guy Hanzi. Artie said that they call him like 80 times a day but when he picks up the phone it's actually kind of calming to talk to them. He said Hanzi is tough to get rid of but Ed is an easy one to get rid of. He said he'll start taping some of the calls.
Robin had some news about Jim Carrey's new movie ''The Yes Man'' and had some audio of Jim talking about it. Howard said that Jim should be talking about banging Jenny McCarthy, not this stuff.
Robin had a clip of Ryan Seacrest talking about being a Mama's boy himself. Howard played that clip and goofed on Ryan for a few seconds. He sarcastically said that he's a very interesting guy. Howard wondered how people listen to that guy on the radio. He said that's a mystery to him.
Robin had some audio of Marissa Tomei talking about being in the movie ''The Wrestler.'' Howard said that he gets her now that he's seen her in that movie. He didn't get what that was all about before. Howard said she's up on the pole as a stripper in the movie and it's hot.
Robin read a story about a Texas man who is under arrest after a young girl wrote a letter to Santa about her uncle touching her and wanting him to stop. Artie said that when he shot that movie ''Elf'' there were a bunch of kids there and he thought about how weird it is for people to let their kids sit on stranger's laps. The guys talked about that for a short time.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and asked him why he doesn't apply to do a Santa thing. Jeff said that's a seasonal job. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that. Artie told him to just be a Christmas tree. Jeff said no thank you.
Jeff was calking in to apologize about the Sybian ride call earlier. He was the one who suggested that Taya get on the thing. Howard said that Jeff used to watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer together and she's gone now so Jeff gets upset about that.
Jeff wanted to tell a story about the Sybian but Howard didn't think it was going to go anywhere. Jeff said that he was listening to the show one day when the Sybian was on and he turned it up really loud. Then his mother asked him who was on the Snowmobile. Howard was right, the story didn't go anywhere. Artie said it was even worse than he expected. Jeff ended up goofing on Artie because Jeff is working on New Year's Eve and Artie's show was canceled.
Robin read a story about Peter Falk having Alzheimer's and his daughter filing for some kind of custodianship so she can protect him. Howard ended the show a short time later, around 11:00am.
Gary said that Pete is a big fan of their TV shows so he was a fan of the show. He didn't expect that today when he introduced himself. The guys spent a little time talking about some of the stuff Pete talked about during his interview today. They talked about his upbringing and how that may have been a little strange.
Benjy said that Pete was talking about being part of the pill generation and how they just threw pills at him when they thought he was acting up in school.
Gary said that about 8 years ago they had a bunch of interns there who were all taking this St. John's Wort trying to feel better. Gary said that he's totally against the pill thing with his kids.
Jon said that pills get prescribed and that's supposed to be the answer. Gary said he likes that comedy bit where they say that they used to call kids stupid but now they call it ADD.
Jon and Gary talked about how caught up in the Michelle Trachtenberg thing Howard was. They were also talking about Pete talking about the Simpson family and how he gets along with Ashlee's father Joe pretty well. Jon said that seems to be a tough family to crack but Pete seems to be doing just fine with them.
Jon went to the phones and a guy said that the interview was good but he's wondering why Howard is so obsessed with the anal thing now. Gary said that he's been like that for a long time and it's interesting to him when girls are willing to do it. That led to Jon playing a clip where Howard was asking about it and Pete was kind of hinting that Ashlee might let him do it to her. Gary said he thinks that Pete could get into some trouble over that with Ashlee.
The caller was asking if they could put some of the hot looking girls from the old E! shows on Howard TV. He said that there were some really hot chicks on those old shows and he'd like to see some of that older stuff. He said they didn't really deliver in 2008 so he hopes that they will in 2009.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard seems to have gotten star struck and didn't goof on Pete about the name of their son. He said he just doesn't attack people like he used to. Gary said that Howard can go on the attack mode on that but then the guest shuts down and you don't get the answers to the other stuff. He said you have to pick and choose what you ask about.
The caller said that he had to congratulate the guys on the great job they're doing with their show there. Jon and Gary thanked him for that and moved on to another call.
A woman called in and told the guys that their comments about kids with ADHD and other things are out of line. She said that a lot of kids have problems and it's not right to make fun of that. Gary said that the ADD thing encompasses a wide range of stuff and people just say that their kids have it so they can medicate them instead of doing something else. The woman said that her son can't function without a drug. She said that her 10 year old son has to take that stuff.
Gary said that there are some kids who definitely need something but there are some kids who don't need anything and their parents put them on it just because they're a little wild. Jon agreed that not all of these kids need to be on drugs. There are some that definitely do.
The woman was saying that her son was doing things like running into kids on a swing set and he wasn't able to even function to get dressed in the morning because his head was going in so many directions. Gary said that's kind of the way his son is but they just dealt with it in other ways.
Sal came in a short time later so Jon asked him about how many bottles his wife bought. Sal said that he pulled out one bottle and said that it looked like it was one of his gifts. Sal said that he wears Fierce by Abercrombe and Fitch. The stuff his wife got was a different type but it was Abercrombe and Fitch. Gary said that maybe she went out and got it for Sal but she just told him that it was for her son. Sal said he's hoping that's the case. Gary said that then a Unicorn popped out.
Sal said he doesn't think the cologne is for ''143'' (her emotional friend). He said that his kid has never worn cologne either so he's not sure what's going on there. Gary said that Sal was saying that somewhere around 15 or 16 is the right age for that.
Gary asked Sal if he asked where the other bottle of cologne was for his other son. Sal said he didn't think of it at the time. Sal was also saying that it was a $30 bottle of cologne and that's a lot of money. Sal said sometimes he's eating waffles for dinner and she's now out buying $30 bottles of cologne for the kids.
Sal said that his father was a player and he relates this kind of stuff to his father. He said his father used to have a Cadillac and he'd carry around bottles of Charlie perfume in the car. He said that he'd spray that stuff on himself when he'd go out and he'd come home at like 2 in the morning. It turns out the women his father was shagging would wear that perfume so he would prepare for that by wearing it at home so there was no suspicion.
Sal said that it was weird that his dad would go to the extent of smelling like a homo to get some strange pussy.
A woman called in and said that her son uses that Fierce stuff and she didn't think that it would be that odd for a 9 year old to wear it. She said it's not the strangest thing in the world. Sal said he hopes not.
Gary asked the guys if they wear cologne. Jon said he wears Boss. Benjy said he doesn't wear anything. Jim McClure uses a body spray. Benjy said that women are into the smell of sweat and they've shown that in studies.
The caller asked if they've read that book that the 9 year old kid wrote about how to talk to girls. Gary said that a 9 year old doesn't need that. He said that you have to go through that kind of stuff when you're growing up and kids don't need to read books on how to get along with girls.
Sal said that it's odd that this woman wants her kid to wear cologne and read a book about picking up chicks. She said it's not like that, she's just hoping that her son can get along with the girls in school. Sal said that the Playboys in the box in the woods are what kids need, not that book by the 9 year old. He told the woman that she's out of her mind with the cologne thing too.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Gary that he thinks he's awesome. He was also saying that he thinks that cologne was for Sal's wife's fuck buddy... or emotional friend. Sal said that he and his wife made up and they decided to move on and he really doesn't believe that she's still talking to that emotional friend.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that his nephews are wearing cologne and that's the thing these days. Sal said he doesn't get that. Sal said that he's only owned one bottle of cologne in his life and he threw that out when he was about 21. He said that his kids don't seem to be interested in that stuff either but they are into the Axe stuff. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked what was up with Lisa G using the C-word with Gary. Gary said she's trying to be funny and loosen up a little bit. Gary said that Lisa Lampanelli suggested it to use that to have some fun so that's what she's doing.
Jim McClure said she was using the word quite a bit around him at the cookie party. Gary said that there are some people that say that word and it's funny coming out of them. Gary said he had a friend who did that and it was funny every time it came out of her.
Benjy and Sal were talking about Lisa's cookies and the money that she was going to send to the Susan B. Komen charity. Gary said that she didn't know how much she was going to send and that's what they were telling her this morning.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about the cookie and charity thing. Sal was saying that he thinks that Lisa is only doing the charity thing to promote the sale of the cookies. He said that Lisa probably doesn't care about the charity and she's attaching the charity to them to sell some cookies.
Gary said that there are some people who approach charities and want to attach the name to it but they get turned down. Benjy said that he's not sure if Lisa has even spoken to the Susan B. Komen charity. Gary said that they may have told her that anything they get would be great.
Sal said that Lisa should contribute to the show more than she does to get promotion for her cookies. Gary said that he wasn't sure why she'd have to do that. He said he's not sure what Sal wants out of her. Sal wants her to play her violin on the air, then they'll give her some money for her charity.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had no idea who that Pete guy was until today and he's glad they had him on. Gary said that he's glad to hear that. He said that sometimes the people won't know who he is or what kind of music that is but he turned out to be a great guest.
The caller said that he's kind of getting used to the fact that Howard might retire. He said that he'd like Gary to do a show of his own when Howard leaves. Benjy said that he thinks that Gary would be able to do a Best of type show if Howard did leave. Gary said that he wouldn't be able to take the phone calls where people call him a parasite and stuff like that from day to day.
JD said she was hot but it wasn't all that great of a lap dance. Gary said that they always think of JD when it comes to that stuff since he doesn't usually get chicks. They're looking to get him laid all the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Sal if he's that naive that he thinks his wife isn't cheating on him. Sal said he has to follow his heart and gut and believe her. He said that he has to stick with her and abide by what she's telling him. The caller asked the guys who there thinks that she's still cheating. Gary said he doesn't think so because it would border on being cruel to Sal.
Gary said that once you've done something wrong then every action is going to be under suspicion. Gary asked Sal when he last got laid. Sal said that it was about 3 or 4 weeks ago. He said he's got YouPorn.com though so that's good stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he googled ''cookie cunt'' and Lisa G's picture showed up. Gary said that there's actually a word in the Urban Dictionary that's ''Cunt cookie.'' He had Benjy laughing when he read that and used it in a sentence.
Another caller said that they could do the show without Howard in 2 years. He said that there's a ton of talent on the staff. Gary said that no one is sure what anyone is going to be interested in listening to in 2 years though.
The caller said they should do a behind the scenes thing on Howard TV so they could see how Benjy works with his jokes. Benjy said that he just writes funny stuff through the show and if Howard likes it he'll try to fit it in at some point.
Jon asked Sal if he has made a decision on the underwear thing with his wife. Sal said he's not going to do it with his wife's underwear. Gary told Sal about a fan who wrote in about something similar and asked for his wife's underwear. He ended up getting a pair of panties and rubbed some chocolate on it and then put it in a bag of vinegar and mailed it to the guy. The guy knew that it was a joke though.
Sal said they should do a thing where they take their wive's panties and put it in a bag and try to identify it. He said that he imagines Beth's smelling great and maybe Gary's smelling like Summer's Eve. Jon Hein's wife's might smell like Noxema and Oil Olay. Sal said he thinks that his wife's would smell like 143's cock. Jon cut him off since they had to end the show.
Howard started off the show talking about the ''The Biggest Loser'' finale that was on last night. Howard said he didn't watch it but a caller was telling him which one won. Howard said he knows by what the guy said about a ''hottie'' winning that it was the chick he said was going to look hot if she lost some weight. Howard said she had a beautiful face and her body was getting into shape. He said he's still going to watch the show even though he knows who won now. Howard said the last episode is always the best one.
Artie said that something funny is going on. He said that this intern, Jarred, they harassed yesterday has been sending him notes about sports teams to bet on. Jarred gave him some tips and he's 1-0 for them so far. The kid gets him his bagel and gives him those tips. Artie said that he might have to bet based on his tips. Howard told the interns that maybe it's not good to feed into that stuff with Artie.
Howard said that another caller was telling him that it was the hot chick who won on the Biggest Loser. Jon Hein came in and said there are some other things to watch the show for. Howard told the guys in the office not to take calls from people about the show anymore today. He wants to be surprised when he watches the episode.
Howard said that Beth has been doing these make overs on the Mike and Juliet show lately. She recently took this Asian girl and made her over. He said they put her in cool pants and a cool jacket and turned her into a hot chick. Howard said Beth is really good at that stuff.
Howard wondered where Benjy was and if he's still fasting. Artie said that he almost passed out on him yesterday. He was talking to him and he got that glazed over look on his face and almost passed out. The guys talked about how dangerous the fasting is and how Benjy could die doing that. Howard ended up doing his 'Gina Man voice as if he was talking to Benjy.
Howard said that they had 'Gina Man and 'Gina Girl on the show but they had people who took care of them and they ended up having to remove them from the show.
Howard played some more 'Gina Man clips and said that this guy Jerry got all of the credit for bringing him on the show.
Gary said he found a 'Gina Girl bit that they did that was good. He told Howard where that was so he could play it. Gary said they were goofing on Rain Man and they had her in the bit. He said it was pretty funny. Howard played the bit where he plays the brother of 'Gina Girl who he meets after their father dies. 'Gina Girl would say the same kind of things that 'Gina Man would say in a similar type of voice. Howard had her saying words that popped into her head when he said certain words. She would just repeat after him.
After the bit Howard did some more of his 'Gina Man impression. Artie said he liked some of the references in that bit. They talked about Rob Camiletti and Club MTV among other things. Howard said that they haven't heard from 'Gina Girl in many years. Gary said that they have no idea what happened to Jerry either. Jerry was the one who had the phone so that's who they contacted to get 'Gina Man on the show.
Howard said that he got to do his excellent gay voice in that bit. He said he should bring him back but then said that he despises Out of the Closet Stern. Howard said he came to hate him after a while. He became trapped by that.
Howard read some of the letter that Richard sent to him and said he really didn't know anything about him. He said he gets out in April and he wants to get something going. Howard said he reminded him that he was in an episode of ''Son of the Beach'' too. Howard said he didn't even remember that.
Howard said Richard is looking for a job so he's saying that he'd like to do a bit or maybe even a radio show there. Howard said he wants something but he's not even sure what. Howard said that with him he's not sure that anyone would care what he does, they just want him to pay his taxes. Howard said that they should have him do a tax or financial show there.
Artie said that he has some friends who started new companies this year and they've all gone under. Howard said that's not surprising in this economy. Howard said that there are guys who have started companies like HP in their garage and turned it into something huge.
Howard said that he was going to write back to Richard Hatch but they have no system set up there to do something like that. Howard said he got a letter from a woman who wrote about how horrible her life was and how their marriage was a problem but now they're getting back together and goes on to say that her dream is to get her husband a gift of coming to the studio to hang out or even an autographed picture. Howard said he started to curse out Gary when he started reading it. He figures Gary should take care of stuff like that.
Howard said Beth came to him yesterday asking him what he was doing and he showed her the letter. Beth ended up reading it herself but he didn't have any idea what to do himself. Then he was going to give it to Gary but he was so annoyed he didn't even want to bring it back to him.
Gary said that he doesn't usually give those type of letters to Howard. He said that they get a lot of requests for stuff like that and they don't usually respond. Howard said their office isn't set up the right way to do stuff like that. He said that Mutt, from Superfan Roundtable, sent him a gift and he didn't even notice that Mutt's name was on it until Beth discovered it. He said the office is just screwy.
Gary said that Will is out this week so some of the guys don't know how the system works. Howard had gotten a card from Pat Monahan and he got a photo copy of it instead of the original.
Howard said Mutt sent him a beer pong table with his face all over it. Howard said he felt like he should see it before he throws it away. He said that he has no place to put something like that. He said he will probably give it to JD or someone like that. He said Mutt is a nice guy but ''what's he thinking?''
The guys figured that Mutt should know better than to send him something like that. Howard said that he is a superfan after all so maybe he wouldn't know better than to do that.
Howard said he was thinking about the panties that Sal sniffed at Mutt's house. Sal said that was a different story because he was just goofing around with the guys who were there. Sal said he knows he was wrong about that.
Gary asked Sal to swear on the life of his kids that he never got off on that panty sniffing thing. Sal swore on his kids (after he's said he would never do that in the past). Sal said that he has done that in the past and has gotten off on other panties but not that night. Howard said that sniffing panties is a sexual thing.
Artie asked Sal if it was a family member that he smelled the panties of. Sal said he didn't want to say that but it was a family member but she wasn't blood related. Howard said that Sal is a little strange with that stuff and there seems to be a theme there with him. Sal said he thinks that it would be a good bit. Howard said the bit doesn't make any sense to him because it's just Sal sniffing panties. There's no way he would be able to guess whose panties were whose.
Sal said he thinks it would be funny to see Howard open up a plastic bag of Scott the Engineer's wife's panties. Howard said that he could never ask Beth for a pair of her panties to bring into work to sniff. He said that none of the women are going to go for that.
Sal suggested doing Lisa G, Robin and Beth but just for Howard. Howard said that they're not going to agree to do that either. Howard thanked Sal and started to wrap up with him but Sal was talking about how he doesn't have a fetish for that stuff and the smell of the panties wasn't all that pleasant back then.
Richard came in and asked if they could take his underwear, Gary's and Howard's underwear and have Sal sniff them. Howard asked Sal if he would sniff the back or the front of the panties. Sal said that when he did it he just dangled it in the air.
Sal said that when he'd take a dump at this relative's house he would open the hamper and take the panties out of there. Howard told Sal he was trying to end this bit and sent him away.
Artie said that Benjy is into some weird shit and he's kind of a nocturnal guy. He said that he stays up all night and sleeps during the day. He said he's on the internet with these broads and he's trying to do stand-up but it doesn't work out very well for him.
Robin said that Benjy could be like that woman in Mr. Goodbar who just gets killed by one of these crazy people who he brings back to his apartment. Howard said he really is a weird guy.
Howard said Benjy gets carried away with stuff and he lies about his age and stuff like that. They've kind of made him normal on the show but if they didn't, he'd be completely insane.
Artie said that Benjy is a writer on a big time show and you'd think that he'd be a little normal when he comes to work. Artie said that he might be talented enough but he can't quite fit into it.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he was at a Cheap Trick concert last night and he was yelling out at them to sing ''I Want You To Want Me'' from ''Private Parts'' and they actually sang it. He said that he made eye contact with Rick Nielson too. Melrose said that some other guy from INXS made eye contact with him too. Howard told him that was fascinating. He said the big story was that they played a song that they play every concert.
Howard said that the Pete Wentz interview was a big story yesterday. He said that some of the fans didn't like it but it was picked up by a lot of news outlets. Howard read through some of the e-mail they got about that interview. Some of the fans liked Pete as a guest but there were others who weren't entertained by it at all. One guy said that he wished that he had been killed playing Russian Roulette.
Artie said that Fall Out Boy was on Letterman last night. He said that Tom Cruise was also on the show and the interview really seemed awkward. Howard said that Tom is handling those interviews like a movie part and he's trying to play a normal guy.
Artie said that they had Tom read a Top 10 list on the show and it didn't seem like he had looked at the bit before he did it. He said he didn't know the word Heimlich. He had no idea what it was so Letterman had to tell him what it was. Robin said that he has admitted that he's dyslexic. Artie said that might be what it was.
Howard said he's looking forward to seeing the new movie that Tom Cruise is in called ''Valkyrie.'' Artie said that he didn't even explain that movie right on Letterman last night.
Howard read some mail about Tracy Millman. Some fans want them to give her a show there. That led to Artie doing his impression of her for a short time. They also played a clip of her saying ''Fuck you'' that they got from the other day when she was on the Wrap Up Show. Howard ended up playing the Wrap Up Show clip where a caller went off on Tracy. That's when she eventually gave the guy the ''fuck you.''
Howard said that Tracy could have a good show but she wouldn't be able to yell at every caller. He said if it was every 3rd or 4th caller that she went off on, that might be good. Howard said that she could have a political show or something like that where she could have discussions and then go off on the callers.
Artie said that this guy Russ Saulsberg used to go off on the callers on his show all the time for no apparent reason. Howard played some audio of Tracy going off on Steve Grillo on the Intern Show. Artie was laughing as soon as he heard that clip starting.
The guys talked about how Tracy doesn't look for air time and she doesn't want her own show. Howard said she seems to be very angry. Even angrier than Howard. Howard played more of her going off on Grillo and she was brutal with him. She was calling him names and going off on him about fucking up the night he invited them out to the bar he was working at to have drinks and then couldn't cover them.
Howard wondered what kind of accent it was that Tracy had. Gary said it was a Queens accent but Artie thought it was a Philadelphia type of accent. Howard played more of her and Grillo after that.
Gary said he just got an IM from Tracy and she's actually from Great Neck, New York and not from Queens. Howard said that maybe they summered in Philly or something.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made using some of Steve Grillo's clips from a clip he recorded about Tracy. Howard said that's some good stuff, some top shelf material. That led to them doing their impressions of Steve Grillo. They were doing the ''top shelf liquor'' line and goofing on the way he speaks.
Artie asked what college Steve went to. They said that it was Hunter college. They goofed on him about that a little bit before moving on.
Artie said that he used to be thin and he's just blown up like Vick Tayback. Howard said he walked in this morning with a bunch of food. He said his mother made him some sausage and peppers and he couldn't want to get in there to eat it.
Artie said that his mother's sausage and peppers are amazing. He heated it up at home and brought it in to eat it there. Howard asked him about driving himself to work. Artie said that his driver is on vacation so he's just driving himself to work for like a week. Howard said that people thought he was back on drugs and he was driving to Delaware to get his drugs.
Howard said that he heard that Artie had another comedian tie his shoes this weekend at a show. Artie said that was just a joke.
Ass Napkin Ed called in and said ''Happy seasons'' to everyone and asked what was going on. Howard said that Ass Napkin Ed has problems wiping so he shoves napkins in his ass to keep from soiling himself. Howard asked him if he has hemorrhoids. Ed said that he doesn't have that but he's not even sure why he can't wipe.
Artie said that he's a drunk and if he stopped drinking he could fix his problems. Ed said that he's on the wagon right now. He's been on the wagon for two days now.
Howard told Benjy that he can't just shock his body the way he did by cutting off his food in a fast. Howard said that he should eat a bowl of cereal, a small bowl, and just one bowl. Howard said that he's in a drastic situation. Howard told him to have a sandwich for lunch and a normal dinner. He said that he could have fish or meat and a salad and just stop with the fast. Howard said it's silly and immature. Howard told Benjy that he's being silly with his life and his health.
Robin said that this is like telling Artie to take just a little bit of heroin. Howard said that Benjy and Artie think like losers and they should be thinking like winners. Howard said that he succeeds at keeping his weight off because he thinks about it as a winner.
Howard was giving Artie some advice on the amount of work he's doing too. He said that he really has to cut back on the number of days he's working doing comedy shows. Artie wondered how they got on him. Howard said he's right, he should be talking to Benjy.
Howard got back to Benjy and told him that he has to get his act together. He said that he has no future if he keeps acting like this. He wondered what they're going to do with him when he leaves. They pointed out the shirt that Benjy has been wearing every day. Benjy said that he wears shirts under it and it's like wearing a jacket. The guys told him that's not the same thing.
Artie said that both he and Benjy are extraordinarily gross. He said that guests come in there and look at them and think that they're gross. Howard said he's not even on Artie right now, he's a different case. He said that Artie is a mess too and he can't get into that right now.
Howard said that Benjy is a talented guy but he's not sure who else is going to put up with him. Gary said that their old office manager Kathy got really upset about Benjy wearing the overalls he had every day for a year. She got so grossed out by it that she went out and bought him new overalls.
Howard said that Benjy's massive eating and dieting is just out of control. He said that Artie told him about him almost passing out yesterday. Benjy said that's what happens when you fast. He said that if you stand up too fast you can get kind of busy.
Howard got back to Ass Napkin Ed and told him he had to get back to him later. He said that he was going to give him a Beetlejuice game to play. He said he can't just give him money without playing a game. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and got Ass Napkin Ed back on the phone. He had $500 courtesy of TSS Radio to give away. He spent a short time talking about how great the music channels there are. He talked about going out for a jog yesterday and ended up getting snowed on like it was a blizzard.
Howard said that Artie talks to Ed almost every day. Ed said that he has to talk to Artie today about something. Howard asked Ed to ask him for what he needs but Ed said that it was personal.
Artie said he'll tell Ed to go out and be productive but he'll just say he's going out to get a hot dog or something. Howard asked Ed what he needs. Ed said that he wanted to know how good Xanax is. Artie said that stuff scares him. He said that it seems like such a minor thing but those things are awful to withdraw from. He said that coming off of the stuff is the worst from what he's heard.
Howard said he thought that Xanax was just to stabilize your mood. Artie said that it will get you high if you take enough of it. Artie told Ed to take it easy with that stuff and not get carried away.
Ed said he's on another anti-psychotic drug. He said he wanted to talk to Artie and touch base on a few things like that. Howard asked Ed if he could go crazy if he doesn't take this other drug he's on. Ed said that he has been locked up before and was tied to a bed. He had threatened to hurt himself so they tied him up.
Ed said that he doesn't really threaten to kill anyone but he does hear voices and stuff if he's not on the pills.
Artie said that Ed came to a show that he did down in Washington DC and got really wasted there. He said that Ed got really belligerent and wanted to go on stage and stuff. He said that Ed called and apologized for what he did. He said he suggested that Ed not drink so much and maybe he should straighten up and not do it anymore. Artie said that he feels that this guy needs his advice.
Howard asked Ed who the voices sound like in his head. Ed said that he hears Howard's voice. Howard asked what they tell him to do. Ed said that he tells him what to do for the day. Howard asked if he has to pay to hear those voices like he does with the satellite radio. Ed said the voice just tells him when to get into the tub and stuff. Ed said that it's not just a voice, it's actually Howard telling him what to do. He said he's not sure how Howard does that but he's in his head.
Ed asked Artie if he has a driveway at his house at the shore. Artie wondered what that was about. Ed said he's buying a camper and he wants to hook up at his house. Artie said that's not going to happen. Howard wondered how Ed can afford a camper. Ed said that he's going to use this money that he's going to win right now. He said that he has a line on one for $350 on craigslist.com. Howard wondered how nice a trailer could be for $350. Ed said that he'll even pay Artie $250 a month to park it there.
Artie told Ed to get on the New Jersey Parkway and head north for four hours to get to his shore house. Ed knew he was jerking him around about that.
Howard said that they were going to play The Beetlejuice Game with Ed this morning. Ed had heard them play the game before so he knew what they were going to do. Howard asked how many times a day Artie talks to Ed. Artie said that he calls like 7 or 8 times a day. Artie said Hanzi gets upset when he hears him talking about Ed so he has to call him too just to calm him down.
Howard asked Artie who is crazier, Hanzi or Ed. Artie said that they're about the same but Ed might be a little more dangerous. Howard said he has to agree with him on that because he was kind of scared of him when he was on the show. He said he figures him to be the kind of guy who gets into fights with people.
Artie read some of the texts he's gotten from Hanzi where he goes off on him when he doesn't call him. He just got one as he was talking about that. Artie said he's in hell with these two guys. Howard said that Artie is very hands on with these guys. Artie said that he can't get away from them.
Howard got to the game and played the first clip where Sal asked Beetlejuice if he knew who St. Nick was. The guys all tried to guess if Beetlejuice would know the answer. Ed said he would not know. Howard played the clip and Beetlejuice said that St. Nick is Santa. He did know it.
Howard played the next clip where Sal asked Beetlejuice ''What holiday do the Jews celebrate during Christmas?'' Ed said that he wouldn't know. Beetlejuice said ''Who gives a fuck about Jews?'' so he didn't know.
Next up was Sal playing a ''Little Drummer Boy.'' Howard said he really didn't know the name of the song himself. Beetlejuice had to name the song. Ed said that Beetlejuice would not know the name. Beetlejuice didn't know it and said something like ''Rumpendeers''
The next clip was Sal asking Beetlejuice what drink consists of egg and milk around Christmas. Ed said that he would not know it. Then Beetlejuice came out with ''That's Eggnog you moron.'' Artie had tried to help Ed out with that one but he said he'd have to talk to him later about that stuff.
Howard played the next clip where Sal asked Beet what the name of the plant is that people stand under to get kissed at Christmas time. Ed knew the answer so he blurted it out. He said Beet wouldn't know it. He was right. Beetlejuice had no idea. He said it was a ''Reindeer kiss.''
Ed won the $500 so he said he was going to buy the camper. Howard asked Artie if he's going to give Ed his address. Artie said that he'll only do it if he's in trouble and really needs a place to stay. Howard said that he has to have his head examined. He can't give him his address.
Howard let Ed go and Artie told him to wait a half hour because that's about how long it takes for him to change his phone number. Artie said that Hanzi sent him another text saying that he wasn't serious and was giving him a ''hahaha'' to show that he wasn't upset.
Fred played the song for Howard and Howard said he can get all pumped up listening to that. Howard listened to the song for a short time. He said that it's one of those songs that he wants to sing at schools where he gives positive racial messages. That led to him making up some lyrics to go along with the song. Howard said he only had the chorus so far. It was ''I'm in the mood for equality.'' He sang that for a few seconds when the chorus came up again. Howard said he would bring up black kids from the audience and have them break dancing on the stage with him.
Howard said that he remembers the days when people were doing that out on the street with their own pieces of linoleum. He said they'd have dance offs instead of shooting each other like in Michael Jackson's videos. Howard said that almost caught on but not quite. Artie said that it would have been like West Side Story.
Artie said that he used to think that those guys in the West Side Story movie were really tough but now they just look fruity to him.
Howard played a 'Gina Man clip where he was singing ''Gina Man The Retarded Reindeer.'' Howard was also reading about the Christmas channels they have there at SIRIUS now. There was one Bing Crosby channel that's being hosted by Regis Philbin. Howard asked what they paid Regis to do that. Gary said he didn't know. Howard said they'd better not tell Bubba what he got paid because he'll freak out. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he never got to Lisa G. He forgot all about her. She came in after that and said that they're having dueling Christmas parties this week. The Howard TV people have a party the same night as Lonnie over at Rick's Cabaret. Lisa said that Ronnie is calling their party ''Burgers and Pussy.'' Artie said that Lisa laughed hysterically at that name when she heard it.
Howard wondered why Fred was playing dueling banjos while they were talking about that. Fred had to apologize for that. He thought it fit in with the dueling Christmas parties thing.
Lisa said that Beth is going to be at the premiere of Marley and Me tonight. Howard said the movie studio wanted him to see a screening of the movie but he wanted a screener copy. The movie studio refused to send him one. He said that they're such jackoffs because he's not going to go out and make copies of the movie. He said they must have some fear of him going out and making copies. He said that they put his name on the thing so he can't do that. He said they're just assholes.
Howard said he was talking to Ralph about this guy who used to contribute songs to the show and he gets every screener copy of every movie and Ralph isn't even sure what the guy does to get them. Howard said that movie studio execs are fucking assholes.
Gary said that they will give him a print copy because you can't make a copy of that. Howard said he knows that Leno and Letterman get DVD copies. He said it's just him. He said they think he's going to go nuts and bootleg DVDs.
Howard asked if anyone has ever gone to jail for bootlegging a DVD. Gary said that one guy who stole a copy of the original Hulk movie got some jail time.
Howard said that Beth is going to the premiere and she'll get to see the movie while he doesn't get to see it. He said he can't go out because it's too late on a night he has to work. Howard said people don't believe that he really goes to bed early but he does.
Howard said his agent called him and asked him to go to a party one night and he had to say no to him. Howard said that even his agent doesn't know him. He said he owes it to his fans not to do stuff like that. He said he can't stay out late.
Lisa said that Richard Belzer is supposed to be there at the premiere. Howard said he heard about that. Lisa got back to her news preview and said that she spoke to someone about Sour Shoes and found out that he was never the same after he was hit by a baseball during practice one day in High School. After that he used to wear a Roy Rogers hat instead of the team hat. Then he would dress up as Mickey Mouse and go tap on people's windows.
Howard said he wants them to do a History of Sour Shoes to find out more about this guy. He said they could interview his friends, family and neighbors about what he was like. Howard said they could do that about people like High Pitch Eric too.
Howard said that he's said that to the news department before but they don't do it. Lisa said that they've done that in smaller segments but not an hour long special. Howard said he can hear them asking High Pitch Eric's parents about when they knew their son was special. He figured they'd say it was when he took his first massive dump.
Lisa said that she's trying to find out more about one of Artie's teachers. Artie said it was probably Mrs. Fulcomer. Howard said he had a nurse in his school that scared the crap out of him. He said that her name might have been Mrs. Hitler. He said he was terrified of her.
Artie said that he used to get thrown out of class all the time. He said that one day he had a water pistol and squirted this teacher right in the face as she was talking to the class. He said that she eventually just said ''Artie get out of here!''
Lisa said that they also have a story about Sam Simon being part of the High Stakes Poker game show. She said that Sam refuses to say if he paid for Ralph's ticket to Hawaii but he's going to be buying into this game for $200,000. Some people are buying in for a million. Howard said that it's kind of cool when you find a TV show that feeds into your negative addictions like that.
Howard said that there are wine connoisseurs out there who love TV shows about wine. Robin was thinking that she was a wine connoisseur so Howard said that she only thinks she is. Howard said that she's not one and she's only pretending to be one. Robin said that she's trying to learn about wine and she's just a student at this point. Howard said that Artie is a heroin connoisseur if Robin is a wine connoisseur.
Lisa said that Howard made friends with Dee Snider on this day back in 1985. She also got in a plug for the History of Howard Stern Act 2 Kick off Show that's airing this Friday after the final part of The History of Howard Stern Act 1.
Gary came in and asked Robin some questions about wines and Robin was making fun of the way he was pronouncing some of the words. Robin then laughed at the questions that he was asking. She didn't know the answers according to Gary. Robin insisted that she does know and she wasn't wrong about one of the questions about chardonay.
Gary said that Robin was wrong but Robin insisted that they were assholes and she was right. Gary said that Robin used to think she was an art connoisseur too. They talked about the time she wasn't able to pick a Jackson Polack painting out from his or Howard's painting. Robin said that they're all assholes and they're lying about this stuff.
Howard read some more questions to Robin and asked her about different wines. Robin didn't know some of the answers and she was correcting them on some of the answers.
Steve Langford came in and corrected Robin on the way she was saying the name of a French town. Robin thought it was close enough.
Robin said that she didn't like being attacked over all of this stuff. Howard said they're not attacking her. She insisted that they were.
Howard said that he knows the guy used to bad mouth him all the time. That's what the caller was saying too. Howard said that Mancow thinks that everyone loved him but meanwhile he's gone from Chicago and doing a show in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Howard said he used to talk about fucking his dead after up the ass and he freaked out about that. Howard said the guy sent a box of shit to them one time and the guy obviously wanted to start a war so he started the war. Howard said he talked about fucking his father's skull and the guy freaked out.
Gary said that Mancow also sent a dead cow's head to them one time. Howard said they sent a guy down to the studio to take a shit out in the lobby of the station too. Howard said he told the guy to go for it but he backed down and didn't do it. He said it was just a lame radio bit that went nowhere.
Howard said that the shit mail was the biggest thing that Mancow ever did and even that didn't go anywhere. Artie said that his big claim to fame was being friends with Chris Farley.
Howard said he's willing to start in with the guy but he can't have rules about the fight. The caller said that Howard has definitely won the war against that guy. Howard said he's won every war. The caller said he didn't know where Mancow was and the only reason he found him was because his SIRIUS radio broke and he had to tune into regular radio while driving through Michigan.
Robin was telling Howard that he's an asshole for calling her out on the wine thing earlier. Howard siad he cna't beleive that she called him an asshole.
The caller asked Howard about the stock prices of SIRIUS. Howard said that people think that he has something to do with the stock prices but he really doesn't. He said all he promised to do was bring them millions of listeners when he moved there. He has no control over the stock prices.
Robin wondered if they're going to survive. Howard said he thinks that they will. He said that he never would have dreamt that they'd have over 20 million subscribers after the merger. Howard said that they estimate that they have about 5 or 6 million subscribers who listen to his show and about 2 people per radio are listening so they might have 10 or 12 million listening to him.
Howard said that they're doing just fine there and it's a home run in his opinion. The caller asked about the revenue that they make and why Howard can't just tell them to pay Bubba to stay there. He said that he has a lot of pull there. Howard said that when he first came there he dreamed of a channel where they'd bring a lot of people from radio to put together a super station. Howard said that management comes to him and asks how they can prove that someone like Bubba is bringing in subscribers. Howard said he can't prove it so he has to go by his gut and think that he is bringing in a lot of listeners. Howard said that management has to believe that.
Howard said that they have signed people there for millions of dollars and he doesn't think they're bringing in anyone. The caller said that out of respect to Howard they should keep Bubba there. Howard said he has backed up Bubba in the whole thing and he's doing what he can to keep him there.
The caller asked Howard about the Jon Favreau interview he did and how he was an integral part of the Iron Man movie. The guy said that he thinks that Artie is a major part of the show and he can't believe that he's not being taken care of better than he is. Howard said that this guy is assuming that Artie is dissatisfied about the whole thing.
Artie said that everyone thinks that they should be making more money than they are. He said that at the same time there is a lot that is great about his situation there. Artie said that he would prefer not to have to go out on the road as much as he does. He said that without this show he wouldn't be able to write a book.
Howard said that the company isn't even making money so this caller is assuming a lot of stuff. He said that they have pumped a lot of money into the whole thing and they haven't seen a return yet. They're $4 billion in debt right now. Howard said they have to look at the situation and figure out who is worth it and who isn't. Howard said that might mean that they're going to try different things.
Artie said that he's going to do what he has to do to make money and hope that this company sticks around. Artie said that he probably isn't bringing anyone to the company himself.
Howard said that this is a crucial time for the company but it's that way for the whole country. Howard said that he's not sure that Bubba should get more than the Gay channel or some other shows there like Jamie Foxx, Chris Russo, Oprah or Opie and Anthony. Artie said that he thinks that Bubba should make more than Jamie Foxx.
Howard told the caller, Roberto, that he has conversations with them about this stuff but that's all he can do. Artie said that if they were in better financial times he probably would ask for more money but he knows he can't do that right now.
Roberto said that he doesn't think that the Secret Santa thing is right either. He said that Howard should relish this time of the year and show the staff support. Howard cut him off and told him that all he's talking about is his money and what he does with it. Howard said that what he does with his money is his business. Howard said he figures this guy doesn't give anyone anything. The caller said that he should give Fred something after sticking with him for 30 years. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy because he was so annoying.
Howard said that Fred is doing just fine and a cab driver in Pittsburgh shouldn't be worrying about that. He said that the guy was just trying to rile him up.
Howard gave him a ''fuck you'' as Tracy would say. Fred played those clips of Tracy saying ''fuck you'' and ''douche.'' Howard said that the guy should just stop listening if he doesn't like the way they do things there. He said he really wouldn't care if he did stop listening.
Howard said that he's okay with the guy not being okay with what they do there. Howard said that he's going to sit there and pick his hole and the guy can either listen or not. He doesn't care. Howard said the guy has never run a business on his own so he doesn't know how this whole thing works. Howard said that he probably fantasizes about running his own business and thinking about giving it all away.
Howard said that he got a three page letter from a program director he used to work for and the guy told him that he should be sending him money because he's down and out. Howard said that the guy thinks that it was luck that he got to where he is. Howard said that the guy thinks that he should be sending a lot of people money. Howard went off on him for a minute and then had to go to break.
Howard said that Dave looked a little bigger than usual today. Dave said he was wearing layers because he's homeless now. Howard said that he wanted him to remove some of those layers.
Dave congratulated Howard on his wedding. Then Howard brought up the Gong Show and asked Dave what's going on with that. Dave brought the show back himself but things apparently didn't work out. Dave said that it was rough doing the show because they did it last minute and only had a week to write it. He said that he wanted it to be a different version of the Gong show but people just wanted it to be like the original version with a different host. He thinks that they should have had Jeff Ross hosting it instead.
Dave said he was looking to do something different, something kind of like what they do on Howard's show instead. That didn't work out for the show. Dave said that it all came down to ratings and it wasn't an easy summer for ratings. He said that with the election and the Olympics on TV, they didn't do too well.
Howard asked if the show is going to come back. Dave said that he's not sure and it's all up to the Gods. He said that they actually did get some ratings one night but that may have had to do with the Queefer they had on the show.
Robin asked if there is any chance the show will come back. Dave said that it was nice that Howard was helping promote it every week. He was being sarcastic about that. Howard said that he did come in and promote it one day. Dave said he appreciates that.
Howard asked Dave if he pictures himself as a game show host. Dave said that he does love doing that. He ended up bringing up Jay Leno and how he's going to have a 10 o'clock show now. Howard said that this is the first time in history that they've had a hit show and they're going to replace the host. Howard said it's insane if you ask him. He said that Jay is a bizarro freak and a more uninspired guy you can't find.
Dave said that the real loser there is Carson Daly who will have to end a 9 hour long talk show thing. you can only have so many guests on in one night. Howard said that Jay thinks that the audiences are going to bed earlier now and that's why his show will be successful. Howard said that Jay is lying about that and people aren't going to bed earlier. Howard said the show could work but he's going to be up against CSI and Dancing with the Stars type of shows. He could fail if he pulls a 5 rating like he does at 11:30.
Howard said he thinks the show will be unsuccessful. Dave said he thinks that it will succeed and get bigger ratings than Roots. Dave said that he can pay Howard in GM parts if he loses to him.
Dave was saying that he's kind of glad that this whole auto industry thing is failing. He said he thinks it would be cooler if people could make their own cars in their garage. Dave said he doesn't think that there's actually a problem until Bruce Springsteen writes a song about it and tells him that there are problems.
Dave said that he wants to keep pitching show ideas so he wanted to know about the ''Inside the Porn Actors Studio'' show they did there. Howard said that's still going on. It's hosted by Richard Christy. Dave said he'd like to do something like that himself. He wants to do a Mystery Science Theater type of thing with porn movies.
Howard told Dave to take that dream and follow it. Dave said that he would love to not be lonely while watching a movie like that. Robin asked him if the other guy in the room would be jerking off along with him. Dave thought that was a little harsh.
Howard asked Dave about the movie ''The Wrestler'' and if he saw it. Dave said that he actually auditioned for that movie just like Artie did. Dave said that he knew it was going to be great and he was willing to just be in the audience of a wrestling match to be in the movie. Dave said that he goes into auditions and pretends that he didn't get the lines ahead of time. Artie said that they hate when people walk in and say they just got the lines.
Dave talked about doing some stuff for the new Adam Sandler movie. Howard said that's a nice gig to have. Artie said that he and Dave were at an event together and he was asking Dave about Adam Sandler because they went to college together. He said that Dave told him that Adam went in a different direction and took a left turn at ''millionairesville.''
Dave said that Sandler has thrown him a few bones in his career and he got to work with Adam and on SNL for a little while. Dave said that Judd Apatow is a great guy and it was fun working with him. He said that Seth Rogen is a good guy too. Howard said he likes Seth Rogen a lot.
Howard said that Dave is upset with him about bringing up Sarah Silverman when he's on the show. Dave dated her so he gets upset about that. Dave said that he had to do a scene with her in this new movie and it turned out to be great. Dave said that they had some fun doing the scene and there wasn't anything weird about it. He said it was more weird to do a scene with Norm MacDonald. He said that Norm has great timing and you just have to stand back and let him do his thing.
Dave said he's not sure why Norm isn't doing more stuff. Artie said that Norm gets upset when a joke bombs and he sued to stop filming when a joke would bomb with the audience and he'd say that the joke was horrible. That would upset the writers of course.
Howard asked Dave if he thinks that Jimmy Kimmel was upset when Dave was doing a scene with Sarah. Dave said he doesn't think there was a problem at all. Howard asked Dave if he started tonguing Sarah when he saw her. Dave said he's really not a touchy guy so he didn't do anything like that.
Dave said the filming that day was very quick and he likes it like that. They let him say what he wanted to and he was just in and out.
Howard asked Dave about wanting to go back to Afghanistan to entertain the troops. Dave said that he will go back until it's over. Howard said they were talking about Artie doing the show for the troops. He said that Artie is willing to go back too but Dave has gone over 5 times already and he's going back for a sixth. Artie said that it seems like it's a really big cause to Dave. Dave said he wants to do it for the troops and it's more real life than what he's used to. He said he's too old to join the military now and he's just trying to do what he can to help.
Howard said he's very proud of Dave for going over there. He said he appreciates what the troops do for them and he'd like to see the war end over there.
Howard said that he read that Dave is playing the part of John Oates' moustache in an animated series. Dave said that he did record some stuff for them but he's waiting to hear if it's going to air. He said that they're working on it but cartoons are a hard gig. Dave said that he thinks he might lose out to Norm MacDonald on that. He said that he thinks that Norm is doing a bunch of cartoons now. Artie said he saw that Norm was doing one for a national commercial.
Howard said he'd like to do a cartoon voice. He demonstrated a ''Barry the Booger'' voice that he could do. He said that he should be in a cartoon just like these guys.
Gary said that Norm plays a character by the name of Norm on the Fairly Odd Parents for one season. They were going to get a guy to do an impression of norm when he wanted more money so he had to take the shit money to stop them from doing that.
Dave asked Artie if he's selling his book out on the road. Artie said he's not doing that. He said it would be funny if Artie had to go through airport security with 100 books. Artie said that guys like Levy take like 100 CDs out on the road and have to drag it through security.
Howard asked Dave if he's noticed that he's lost money in these tough economic times. Dave said he did lose some money in the stock market. Dave said he suggested buying gold to his financial guy and he told him that's for old ladies. Meanwhile, if he had done that, he'd be rolling in money.
Dave talked about doing a gig out at some place with Rob Riggle from the Daily Show and a guy from SNL and hardly anyone showed up. There were a couple of hundred there but it wasn't that many for the size of the venue.
Howard said he was going to help Dave out and give him some plugs. He's going to be at Caroline's starting on December 26th. Howard said that place is a nice one to see a show at. Howard said that to help him out with that he was going to say that Dave is Sarah Silverman's ex-boyfriend that you can see at Caroline's. Dave said that he's got some great guys who will be appearing with him there too.
Dave asked Howard about the strip clubs going down hill these days. That led to them talking about Scores going out of business. Howard said that things started going wrong with them and now everyone is going to Rick's instead. Dave said he went to a strip club out in Portland and they had a $3 cover. He said that they must really want to get people in there. He said that the chick he saw dancing there had a big bush too and he wasn't sure if she just started that day or what.
Howard asked Dave if he's dating anyone right now. Dave said that he will date anyone but he usually pulls a sausage fest at the comedy shows. Artie said that the chicks are always with guys when they come to his shows.
Howard asked Dave when he last had a girl. Dave said it was 59 years ago. Dave said he's turning 44 in January so he'd better get his act together.
Howard said that women think that there's something really wrong with a guy when they're not married by the time they're 40. Dave asked Howard about his wife and what she thinks. Howard said that Beth tells him that he has a lot of baggage. They still bring up the children thing and he still doesn't want to have anymore kids. He said he wants to have ''me time'' and not kid time.
Dave said that his mother's dog died recently and it cost them $500 to get it cremated. Artie said he thinks his father's cremation was like $2,500. Robin said she had a horse cremated and she still has the ashes. She said she's got a box the size of a file cabinet section.
Howard gave Dave some more plugs for his Caroline's appearance. Artie said ''A better comedian you will not see.'' Howard asked Dave what he talks about in his act. Dave said that people want to see a comedian telling them how things are through a puppet. He said that Jeff Dunham got the biggest ratings on Comedy Central with his special. He's been selling out for years and years doing that. He said that it's like a tsunami of laughs after all of this time.
Howard said that must piss Dave off. Dave said that he was thinking about bringing up a pair of underwear with skid marks in it to talk to him. He said that he'd call the puppet ''Last night.''
Dave said that he's made peace with the puppet thing but now he's got to deal with the people who play guitar and make their whole act like that. Dave wondered how the whole puppet thing got started and wondered if some guy was turning his sock inside out and just started making it talk.
A caller told Dave that he had to pay $700 for this dog and it got sick. The guy said that his doctor called him and told him that they had operated on the dog to take out some cancer and they said that was successful. Then they told him that they had to put him down 3 weeks later and it ended up costing him 5 grand.
Another caller said that he saw Dave at the Stress Factory this year and he was great. He asked Dave if Sarah ever peed the bed when he was dating her. Dave said that he knew that she was a bed wetter and it's a family thing. Dave jokingly said that she only did it when he wanted her to. He said that's better than a Philadelphia steamer. Dave said that she may have peed the bed. He stammered and said he really didn't know.
Howard said that would really affect his relationship if he had a chick who peed the bed. He said he'd have to think that through. Howard said that Sarah peed in a tennis ball can on her TV show. Dave asked him why he doesn't go on that show. Howard said he doesn't go on any shows like that. The only one he did was Garry Shandling's ''The Larry Sanders Show'' one time. He said that it was a funny segment and he was on to promote his book.
Howard said they didn't put out the final season of that show when they put out the box set. He said that it must not have sold well because they didn't put out the last season. Howard told Dave he should put out a DVD set of the Gong Show.
Dave said he thinks the best way to go is to put out CDs. Howard said he used to play a lot of comedian CDs on his radio show. Howard was telling Dave that he and Robin are going to go on vacation together and go learn about wine. He was just joking around of course.
Howard asked Dave how old he is. Dave said that he just said he's going to be 44 next month. Howard said that he's glad to hear that Dave has stopped drinking. He should stop smoking too because he had a nasty cough going this morning. Howard told him to go to this exhibit called ''Body Works'' and that will make him quit. Howard told him what the lungs looked like and how black they were. Howard said that he thinks he'd quit as soon as he sees that. Dave said that he already has emphysema. It might be too late for him.
Howard said that Dave could use an oxygen tank as a prop on stage. Dave said he could call it Wheezie. Artie said that he and Dave were talking about their drinking days and compared stories about doing crazy stuff when they were drinking. Howard wrapped up with Dave and went to break a short time later.
Howard told the guy he could ask questions if he wanted to. The guy asked him some pretty basic questions about the game and Howard knew the right answers. Robin said that these were very simple questions, unlike her wine questions.
Robin was trying to answer some of the questions too. She said that she knew some stuff about the game too. She told Howard that wine is a much more complicated thing.
Gary came in with some more wine questions for Robin. He said these were better than the others. Gary asked Robin what it means when a wine is ''hot.'' Robin didn't know. Gary asked her about grapes but she said she really doesn't know the answers to that stuff.
Howard said Robin was doing better with the chess questions. The caller asked her another one about chess. He asked how many of the 16 pieces you can move on your first move. Robin didn't get it right technically but she was close enough for Howard. The correct answer was 10 but Robin said it was 2.
The caller got in a plug for his web site SuperiorTermite.com for coming up with the quiz. Howard said that next time he gets mad at someone he's going to call them a termite.
Steve said that they have a story about a fan who is trying to sell the domain name ChristineGovernale.com to Sal. They also have some news about the upcoming History of Howard Stern Act 2 special that starts next Monday.
Howard had Jon Hein come in after that. Jon ran down his list of subjects they were going to try and cover today on the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said he's been keeping track of what Artie ate today. He said he thinks he's ready to change now and he must be disgusted by what he's eating. Artie said that he had some great bread after his mother's sausage and peppers. He said that was great.
Ralph called in and defended Sour Shoes. He said that he leaves some great messages for him. Howard said that Sour Shoes can't even show up to do a show there. He can't handle the pressure.
Howard said that someone bought him an Eric the Midget picture and a voice mail from him. The person didn't tell Eric it was for him, they just said it was for their friend Howard. Howard played the voice mail that Eric left for this ''Howard'' and Eric was plugging his JFSC.tv thing and Howard's show. He wished the Howard a happy holiday season. Howard thought that was a great, great gift. He said the picture of Eric hangs in his office now. Ralph said that Eric should send out his pictures in a talking frame so he wouldn't have to leave the voice mail messages.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview. Then Steve Brandano came in to promote tonight's Intern Show which is the last of the semester. The interns will be roasting Steve. Howard said he thinks they should put on a play at the end of the semester. A musical not based on the show.
Howard read an e-mail he got from the woman who put him in her will (Luana). She said that she's still alive and Howard will get all of her money when she does pass on. Howard said that he will throw a party for the staff when he gets that money. She has grown her fortune from what she was saying in the note she sent.
Howard said that he wishes that more listeners would do that for him. He said that anyone who doesn't have anyone to leave their money to should do that. He told Gary to send that woman a pack of cigarettes.
Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey getting a big deal to produce TV shows and movies. Howard said there's never a day when Oprah doesn't announce a new business she's involved with.
Robin read a story about a 60 year old guy who died when his colleagues threw a party for him and failed to catch him when they threw him in the air.
Robin had a story about Jay Leno's claims that people are going to bed earlier now then they used to. This study says that Jay is wrong and it's just the viewer ship that's going down.
Robin read about the Entertainment Tonight Hot List. Howard wondered where he is on that list. Robin said that they talk about who they did the most stories on. Robin said that Britney Spears was number one on that list. Artie asked if she's gotten hot again. Howard said she is looking better now that she's lost some weight.
Howard said Valerie Bertinelli was number 20 on that list. He wondered why they were doing stories on her. Robin said she lost a lot of weight and she was in the news all year long.
Robin read a story about a woman who had a face transplant here in the United States. She got that from a dead female donor.
Robin read a story about romantic movies and how they can cause people to have unrealistic views on love. She said that the movies can lead people in the wrong direction. Howard said that if they watch wife beating movies they may have a more realistic view.
Robin had Howard play Faith Hill's version of ''Joy to the World.'' Howard said that it should be fantastic. He played about 5 seconds of it and then played Yucko the Clown's ''Artie The Big Fat Liar'' that was to the tune of ''Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.''
Robin had Howard play Amy Grant singing ''Jingle Bells'' but Howard didn't like that. He said he preferred this and played George Takei singing ''I'm Dreaming of a White Penis.'' Robin had Howard play an Enya Christmas song cover but Howard cut that off and played ''Brad's Big Balls'' from George Takei. Then it was Harry Connick Jr. that Howard didn't like. He played ''I Wish I Was Licking Robin's Sweet Vagine'' since he liked that better. Howard went through that with a bunch of Christmas songs and then song parodies. He played ''Christmas Booey'' to the tune of Pachelbel's Canon, ''Big Tits'' to the tune of another Christmas song and more. Ralph called in and asked to hear Artie and his mom singing ''Mozzarella Balls.''
Robin had Howard play Christine Chenoweth's cover of a song. Howard said he thinks he could bang that chick, he's heard that she's a big fan of the show. Gary told Howard where ''Mozzarella Balls'' was located. Ralph started singing it before Howard got to it. Ralph knew the lyrics and sang along to it as everyone in the studio were laughing at the song. Ralph said that's the best Christmas song ever.
Robin had Howard play another awful Christmas cover. Howard said he liked this better and played ''It's Beginning to Smell a Lot Like Horse Shit'' by Sal. They went back and forth with a few more songs. Howard played ''Big Man Balls'' by Nicole Bass, ''Robin's Vagine Is So Divine,'' Evil Dave's ''Leno the Big Chinned Douche Bag,'' and Daniel Carver and Robin's ''I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas.''
Robin read some news about people who died in 2008 like Heath Ledger, Charlton Heston, George Carlin, Bernie Mac and some other guys. Robin also mentioned people like Forest J. Ackerman, Edie Adams, Mr. Blackwell, Christian Brando, Sid Charise, Michael Crighton, Margaret Truman Daniel, Dr. Michael Debakie, Ivan Dixon, Bobby Fisher, Beverly Garland, Estelle Getty, Larry Harmon, Isaac Hayes, Harvey Korman, Don Lafontaine, Dick Martin, Jim McKay, Anthony Mengela, Sydney Polloack, Jerry Reid, Brad Renfro, Roy Scheider, Paul Scofield, Susan Pleschette, Tony Snow, Levi Stubbs, Vampira, Dee Dee Warwick, Richard Widmark, Rick Wright, Bettie Page and others. Howard said that Sal's marriage died this year too.
Robin had a story about a rock band camp that's going to have a bunch of rock stars working there as guides. Robin read a story about the Time magazine man of the year, Barack Obama. Fred threw in the original ''Baba Booey'' clip when Howard guessed it was Obama. Howard said it could be Obama Booey.
Robin read a story about Will Smith's new movie ''7 Pounds'' which is opening up this weekend. She had audio of Will talking about that. Howard had to cut that off early. Fred threw in the Tracy ''Fuck you!'' clip after that.
Robin said that Caroline Kennedy will probably be getting the New York senate seat. Howard said he guesses that deal is done at this point.
Robin read a story about the case of Adam Walsh being closed after 27 years. They found that Otis Toole was the man who kidnapped and decapitated John Walsh's son in 1981. Robin said that they only ever found the kid's decapitated head. Howard said that there are a lot of fucked up people in this world. Robin had some audio of the police department people talking about how they had screwed up on the case early on. They apologized to the Walsh family for that.
Howard had a story about this investment firm that was ripping people off. She had some audio of people talking about this guy ripping them off. Artie gave one woman a quick ''Wah'' when she said her family lost millions. He added that times are tough right now.
Robin had a story about how colonoscopies may not be saving as many people as they think. Howard said that he went through one and now Robin is telling him that it didn't do anything. Robin said that the Canadian study found that it may not be the cure all they think it is. Fred played some juicy fart sounds as they were talking about that.
Robin had some news about the SAG actors strike that's impending. She had some audio of people talking about how they don't want to go on strike. She mentioned a bunch of names and said Tobey Maguire's name twice. Howard said Tobey must really be upset if she had to say his name twice. They ended the show around 10:45am.
Gary said that in their computer they don't have Benjy's address. He said that Tracy had it in an e-mail because they had to send something to his house. He said that Benjy is like that and won't give them his address or his age.
Jon said that Benjy has broken his fast and has started to eat. Gary said he thinks that Benjy started it as a bit but he was also hoping to lose a few pounds in the end. Jon said that he's also smelling funny after fasting. The guys talked about the shirt Benjy was wearing that he's been wearing every day for years. Gary said that he knows he doesn't wash that thing.
Gary said that he's not sure if Benjy does any wash at all other than underwear and socks. Jon then had Teddy play some audio from when Howard was talking to Benjy about his diet.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Benjy and Artie really think like losers like Howard said. Gary said that Howard has a way of thinking that's his way or no way. He said that works for him but not for everyone. He said that Howard has no sympathy for them at all. He said that Howard seems to think that everything can be fixed by just doing things correctly the way he thinks they should be done.
Benjy came in so Jon asked him how he's doing. He said he was doing fine. Benjy said that if he ate what Howard eats, he probably would be in shape.
Jon asked Benjy what happened this morning. Benjy said that he usually wakes up and says five things that he's really grateful for. He said he got to number 3 and fell asleep. Benjy said he's always grateful that he has both of his parents, something about his friend Sheila, his apartment, his job and things like that.
Jon asked Benjy more about what happened after that. Benjy said he popped up and got scared when he realized he had fallen asleep and he was late. Gary said that he didn't get shit on that bad today like he could have. Benjy said that he realizes that.
Gary said that oversleeping you might get a pass on once every 3 years. Benjy didn't really have a story about why he was late other than oversleeping so that may have helped.
Jon asked Benjy about the eating thing. Benjy said that he's been getting visions from Bubba telling him to eat so that's why he's been eating. Jon sighed and said ''here we go...''
Gary asked Benjy about his laundry and if he washes his stuff. Benjy said he does it every two weeks or so. He said that the jersey he was wearing may have never been washed before the last time he did wash. Benjy said that he doesn't like reading labels and stuff so he's been wearing it inside out.
Gary asked Benjy how he feels about the allegations Howard made about carving out the way he can dress and how he may not be able to get a job anywhere else if he keeps that up. Benjy said that he could conform to something like that if he had to. He said he doesn't have to conform though so he doesn't get dressed up for work.
Gary asked Benjy if he would show up to an interview with Lorne Michaels in that outfit. Benjy said he wouldn't show up to any interview dressed like that.
Jon asked Benjy if he's trying to act like Artie as far as what he wears. Gary said that Benjy was wearing that stuff way before Artie ever showed up there.
Gary said that he doesn't know anything about wine and once asked his wife if she wanted a glass of white wine on the rocks. He said that she told him that you don't put ice in wine but he did where he came from.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Robin really thinks that she's better than them. Gary said that she might be more well traveled than they are. The caller said she does a lot of travel so she might think that. Gary didn't think that was the case. He said he'd be doing the same thing she's doing if he was single without kids. The caller said he thinks that she's really flashy and thinks she's better than those guys there.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary about a game they played with Robin where they talked about the craziest stuff she's done. He said they didn't mention the horse ash thing. Gary said he didn't know about the ashes thing until this morning. The caller was also asking if Gary was going to be at the big football game that's coming up soon. Gary said that he will probably watch that game from his house. He said he just got a giant screen TV and he wants to watch it there. Jon told the guy that it might be an 8 o'clock game too. They argued about that for a minute and then moved on when Jon said this was the wrong show to talk about that.
Another caller said that Robin is killing him. He said that her cackling is too much and he doesn't want her on the show anymore. The guy was saying that her talking about all of this stuff she does and owns is just too much for him to take.
The caller said that Artie never talks about that kind of stuff. Gary said that Artie loses $25,000 in a card game on a weekend and he'll talk about doing that. They went back and forth on that for a minute. Gary told the guy that's his opinion and he's entitled to it but he disagrees with him.
Benjy said that he thinks the guy was saying that maybe Robin is trying to cultivate some kind of image for herself by doing what she does with the horses and wine and travel. Jon said that he thinks that she gets into stuff and just moves on to other things when she gets bored with it.
Ralph called in and said that he had a few things to talk about. He corrected them on the football game discussion they were having. Ralph also said he called Benjy once and he picked up the phone. He said that he doesn't always screen calls. Benjy said that he does look at numbers when he calls.
Ralph was also talking about how Robin is learning about wine and she's doing it so she knows what to pick off a wine list. He said that people get angry with her over nothing. Ralph said that when Robin does know something, she has to beat you to death with it. He said that he's told her about that but she just doesn't hear it.
Ralph was saying that Robin isn't like the caller was saying when he called her ''Nouveau Riche.'' Ralph was saying that Michelle Obama might be like that. He said that he gets a horrible vibe from her and she rubs him the wrong way. He said that she's trying to be ''Blackie Kennedy.'' He said that she was told to shut up during the campaign because she came off as being a little too uppity.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he has horses and trucks like Robin does and he gets called a hick for having them. He said it could be Robin's attitude that gets people calling her names. Another caller said that Robin is just having fun spending her money on this stuff and what woman doesn't want to ride a horse. Gary said that she does like nice things and she deserves them.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he remembers Robin getting her horse's ashes and how they had sent her the entire horse instead of just a few ashes. Gary didn't remember her talking about that. The caller said that it was stuck in his mind because he though that he had an idea for what she could do with them. He said that she should sell them in small doses to get donations for the North Shore Animal League. The guys thought that he was going a long way for a lame joke.
Benjy asked if Robin still has the box of ashes. Gary said that she does. She's also got some Vincent Price ashes.
Another caller said that if Robin wanted to be refined then she needs to ride side saddle. He suggested that they ask her about that. Gary said he's pretty sure that she rides Western.
Jamie was telling the guys that his channel, The Foxx Hole, is going really well. He ended up talking about the fun they've been having with the whole Barack Obama thing. He did his impression of Barack for a second.
Gary asked Jamie about him calling Howard out on a show recently. Jamie said that they are back to the basics over there and he did call Howard out on that. He wasn't sure if he could curse on this show so Gary told him to just let loose like he does on his show. Jamie was talking about the guys he has on his show and let out a ''mother fucking'' that he said felt good to get out.
Jamie was talking about a girl he had on his show that was calling Howard out that night. He said that she's really hot. They spent a minute talking about that chick.
Jamie was talking about going on the Steve Harvey Show and said that they kept dumping out on him while he was going off on one of the guys on his show who had a nipple ring.
Gary said that Adam Carolla used to come on their show when they were on terrestrial radio and he used to have to tell Adam that he can't talk about ''whacking off'' back then. Adam was used to saying that on his late night show but they weren't allowed to do that on the morning show.
Jamie said that he's up there promoting his album ''Intuition'' today so that's why he was stopping by. He said he just did Regis and Kelly's show and stuff like that too. Jamie said that they have a lot of people who produced tracks on the album. Jamie spent a few minutes talking about the album and how he thinks it's the greatest thing he's done.
Jon asked Jamie what he thinks is the best thing he's done in his career. Jamie said he loves doing his radio show but he also loves doing the music because that's forever.
Gary asked Jamie what happened to the comedy show that he wanted to put together. Jamie said that these guys don't want to do it because it's a matter of who is going to go up first and last. Jamie said he doesn't care when he goes up, he just wants to do some comedy.
Jamie talked about some of the stuff they're doing on the radio show and how the whole thing with movies has slowed down. He said he's lucky that he's going to be in a movie in 2009 because the writing process was slowed down with the writer's strike.
Jamie said that he's getting quality movies now that he's gotten an Oscar. He said that he got one script called ''The Next Hot Negro'' that they wanted him to do. He said he threw that right in the garbage. Jamie said that there are a lot of scripts like that out there that you just don't want to read about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that this Robin stuff is just making them lose momentum on the show. He said that Howard and Robin can live the life they want to because they are making more money now and that's what happens when they start making more money.
Jamie said that people don't want to see you leaving them and they get upset about it. He said that black people booed Whitney Houston when she hit it big. They were happy when she married Bobby Brown though because it was like she was coming back to them.
Ralph called in again and asked Jamie about the party he had at this club in Vegas. He said that he was wearing something odd in the pictures. Jamie said that he was a little alcohol enhanced and this lady had given him this outfit to wear so that's why he was dressed like that. Jamie said that it was very feminine but his family members enjoyed it.
Jon told Jamie that Ralph is Howard's stylist. Jamie wasn't aware of that. Jon said they had to take a break after that. They thanked Jamie for coming in and went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy, Brian Wilson, who said that he was on ''The Wire'' for 5 seasons and he's a big fan of the show. He said he sat in the cubicles with Bunk and McNulty on the show. He said that he met Gary many years ago. Gary said he met the kid who played D' Angelo on ''The Wire'' too.
The guy said that he was trying to get some information to them and wanted to find out how to do that. Gary said that Steve would take the information down. The guy said that he was a big fan and wanted to give them a shout out. Gary and Jon are huge fans of the show and said they just got the box set of the show. Jon said that the show is a great one and if you have the chance you should check out the box set.
Jon moved on to talk about Dave Attell who was on today. they talked about Dave's stories about Sarah Silverman and Norm MacDonald and things like that. Jon said that it seems to take a little while for him to get going when he comes on the show. Gary said that he's the kind of guy who isn't shot out of a cannon as soon as he comes in.
Gary ended up getting into an argument with the guy again about how he doesn't really know Howard either. Roberto said that Howard should be spending his money on his employees but the other caller said he can't tell Howard how to spend his money. Roberto said that he can if he wants to.
Roberto said that he's not cheap like Howard accused him of being. Roberto got into the Artie discussions again too. Roberto was saying that he can't wait for Artie to move on to other things so he can make better money. Gary said that Artie could do that at any time but he's sticking around for some reason. He must not be that upset about the money he's making there.
Roberto said that Artie is running himself ragged on the side making money when they should be paying him what he deserves there. Gary said that Artie is benefited by the show and he gets to go out and write books and make big money doing those comedy shows. People like him on the show and he takes that and uses it to write a book.
Jon cut Roberto off saying that this was the same argument that they have every time he calls in. Roberto kept going on and on about the same shit he goes on and on and on and on about every time he calls in.
The other caller pointed out that this guy seems to think that he knows everything so he must have bugs in every room at SIRIUS or something. He seems to know every single negotiation that goes on there.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he doesn't get why Ralph noticed what Jamie Foxx was wearing. He said that he shouldn't notice stuff like that. The caller was also talking about the way Howard is always trying to push people into therapy. He said it doesn't work for everyone and he seems to think that it will.
Benjy said that this guy seems to be afraid of going into therapy himself. The caller said that's not the case at all. The caller was also asking about the new History of Howard Stern Act 2 that's coming up next week. Gary said that it's 10 days long and they've got some ridiculous amount of hours worth of show.
Gary said that on Friday he and Jon are going to do a Wrap Up Show from 1:30 to 3pm to talk about the new special.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the fuck the problem is with white people going off on black people being ''uppity'' when they do something that they spend money on. The guy was going off on them for a few seconds but Jon had to end the show so he had to cut him off.
Howard started off the show talking about how much of a real man Artie is. He was opening up a Christmas card and asked what the fuck that was about. Then he wondered why he'd want to see Scott DePace's kid. He got a card from Scott and said that he just throws that kind of stuff out. Artie said he hates that kind of stuff.
Howard said that he gets that kind of stuff from Gary but he's known his kids for a long time. He has no desire to see Scott's kid either. He said he didn't even get a card from him though.
Scott came in and said that he did send him one, it was right behind him. Howard said he had to open it up to see his kid then. Artie said he thought it was going to be something from In Demand or something. He didn't know it was going to be a picture of his kid.
Howard said he saw Scott's new dog in the picture too. They talked about that and found out the dog's name is Cookie and Scott's son named it. Howard said that's kind of a weird name. Scott said his son won the chance to name the dog when it ran to him first. The dog is a girl so it's not that crazy. Howard said that he's throwing that picture right out too.
Howard played some more 'Gina Man audio clips. He said he found the one where he says ''This is Mother Theresa speaking from the bed... god don't want me yet man, I got more feet to taste.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to know if Howard watched The Biggest Loser finale yet. Howard said he did. Beth was out at the premiere of ''Marley and Me.'' Howard said she liked Owen Wilson in it but Jennifer Aniston was just ''Jennifer Aniston'' and not much of a different person than she is in anything else she's acted in.
Howard said Beth did cry during the movie because it is so emotional. Howard said that Jennifer Aniston was on Letterman last night showing off her legs but the interview was very boring. He said he loves Dave but that interview was very boring.
Howard said that he wanted to have James Taylor on the show a couple of weeks ago but his publicist didn't want them asking him about the stuff that Carley Simon was talking about. Howard said he could probably do the interview like that but he really didn't want to. He said they get that a lot from guests. They ask not to talk about certain things so they just don't book them.
Howard asked the caller what was up. The caller asked about The Biggest Loser again and said that he was watching it with his wife the other night. He talked about the way they give it away by going up the line with the people who lost the weight. Howard said he watched the show but fast forwarded his TiVo. He said that the girl who won really looked good but most of the people still had flabby arms.
Howard said that the girl who won was hot but it was kind of disappointing when she didn't come out dressed like a stripper. He said that she was hot enough that they should have had her dressed like that. He said that's the shortcoming of the show.
The caller asked if they're going to bring up the story about the catholic church condemning invitro fertilization because they say that children should only be created between a man and a woman. Howard said that in this case the church is right. He said that they're all about god over there and they don't believe in science and stuff so they are kind of backwards thinking.
Howard said that even President Bush is backwards thinking and they're all against this stuff but they'd probably be for it if one of their kids got pregnant and didn't want the kid.
Howard asked where the kid was that was giving him something. Howard said that this guy Ken, who he bought for, has a lot going on. Howard said that he's got college loans and he comes in from Philadelphia every day. Ken said that he woke up at 2 in the morning to come in today. Howard said that's crazy.
Howard said he's heard that Ken does some great work there too. Ken said that some of the interns have turned against him though. Howard asked him what time he crashes. Ken said he's there in the mornings half the week and in the afternoons the rest of the week. He said he gets like 3 hours of sleep.
Ken said that he has been kind of miserable lately because he's kind of cranky when he comes to work. He said that he gets up at 7:30 in the morning to get there by noon. He said he takes a 2 hour train ride after driving for an hour to Princeton. He's almost fallen asleep driving to the train. He said it's a 3 hour ride total.
Howard joked that he's moving the show to Philly for ken so he doesn't have the long drive. Howard said he gave Ken a check for his college loan but he's not going to say how much it is. Ken said he got Howard something too. He said it was a thank-you gift. Howard said he'd take it but Robin said that it's violating the Secret Santa rules. Howard told him not to listen to her.
Howard said that it was fine with him but he didn't know that Secret Santa was supposed to be a secret that people aren't supposed to know about. Howard told Ken to show the check to Scott the Engineer because he'll hate him if he sees it. Ken said that he did ride up in the elevator with him this morning.
Howard said that Scott is probably freaking out that he's getting nothing and this kid got a big check. He said he was going to try and get Ken the shot at going up and playing on stage with the band Pantera. Howard said that he figured he needed the money more than that though.
Howard had the guys bring in the guy who got him as his Secret Santa. Howard opened up the gift from Ken and said that he already had the Batman book that he got him. Howard asked if people think he really sits and reads comic books.
Howard asked if Ken smokes cigarettes. The guys said he did. Howard could tell from the smell of them on this gift he got. Howard told everyone not to waste their money on him.
Howard said that Ted Summer is the guy who got him in the Secret Santa. Howard said Ted works at Howard TV. Robin said that Howard thought Ted was Ken earlier when he walked in. Howard said he knew that he was from Howard TV.
Ted said that he wanted to get something Howard something he didn't have. He said he wanted something unique and something he'd like and appreciate. Howard thanked him for that but told him that he will be gracious and not comment on it even if he doesn't like it. Howard said he won't say anything the whole day. He's going to attempt that but Gary didn't seem to think that was going to happen.
It turned out to be a 350 pound black marble engraved tombstone. Howard said that it read 1954 and didn't show when he died. Ted said that he had a card for the guy who was going to finish the stone off when he does pass away. Artie said he liked it. Howard told him he could have it then. Howard said he's going to be gracious. He thanked Ted and said it's not a waste of money. He asked what it cost. Ted said that it's about $5,000 but he didn't pay full price.
Howard said they had a picture of him with the fist and the year of his birth on it. Howard said that some people would say they would cherish something like that. He said he can't say what he's going to do with it. Howard then said that this is the shittiest gift he's ever gotten in his life. He said that you don't get one when you're alive, you get it when you're dead. Howard told him he should have given the money to a charity or something. Howard thanked him anyway but he said he just couldn't contain himself anymore.
Howard said that his psychiatrist would probably said that the guy wants him dead. He said that it is the thought that counts but he may just leave it in the studio. Howard said that would be good for Beth so she can save a few bucks when he dies.
Ted got in a couple of plugs for the people who helped him out with the gift. Howard let Ted go and asked what he does for Howard TV. Ted said he's a producer and has worked on some of the new shows they're coming out with.
Howard said that it's too depressing to see that stone in the studio. He can't leave it there. He said that Artie got him a painting of Neil Young a few years ago but he didn't know what to do with it. He ended up putting it in storage. Then he went through the pictures he had in storage when he built his house and still couldn't find a place for it. He said that the decorator found a spot for it in his office when he redid that at his apartment. Howard said that he ended up putting it back in storage after that.
Howard said that the tombstone was the worst and most awful thought for a gift he's ever seen. Gary said that they all saw it ahead of time and they told Ted that Howard was going to love it.
Howard said that he always hopes for a great gift like a nice pen or some nice photo albums or something like that. He said he never expected to get a tombstone. Howard said he was really excited about getting a gift today but it just didn't happen. Howard said that Robin always gets him nice stuff. He said that this kid Ted bummed him out so bad. He said it was a very depressing gift and it's a horrible day thanks to Ted.
Gary said he doesn't think that Ted was joking around either, he really thought it was a great gift. Artie said that he's not into the Gothic stuff like Ted thought. Gary said that Ted looks bummed out sitting in the green room. He said that they might want to stop. Howard said that he's going to be 55 in January and no one that age wants to see something like that.
Ted came back in and said that he was going for something that he didn't have and for something that had some artistic value. Howard said it really bums him out and he doesn't want to be reminded of his own morality. Howard said it's a bummer and he really has to know that. Ted said he thought he might like it but he was wrong.
Howard said that's some way to suck up to your boss. Doug came in and asked if Howard wanted to smash it with a sledgehammer. Howard said that wasn't necessary. Howard said that Ted went to a lot of trouble for that but he just doesn't like it. Howard wants to be put in a mausoleum so this won't work either.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he disagreed with him on this. He was offering to take the thing off his hands. Howard said that Dominic is creepy and he's the last one that he'd want around. Dominic said that it doesn't mean you're dead if you have that stone. He said that he could live forever. Howard told Dominic he had to hang up on him.
Dominic said that he would like to swap him the stone for the Howard Stern slot machine. Howard said he had to go. Dominic wished them all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year before Howard hung up on him.
Benjy bought Fred some web sites like FredNorris.mobi, KingNorris.mobi, JokeJokeLand.com, ILikeCunts.com and a few others. Howard said that's stupid. DirtyFilthyWhoreCookiesForTheSusanBKomenFoundation.com (or something like that).
Howard asked Fred if he was going to keep it. Fred said that he was going to do that because Howard told him to. He said he thinks he made out better than Howard did. Benjy said that he has a bunch of other web site names that he bought. He has IHateCunts.com and a few others.
Howard asked Artie about his gift. JD was the one who got Artie in the Secret Santa. JD said that the gift was suggested by Artie's mother. Howard said that JD ruined it by doing it that way. Howard asked about Artie's mother being so controlling and telling JD what to get him.
Artie got a DVD of a Ken Burns interview thing. Howard said that was lame. Artie said that he liked it and it was exactly what he wanted.
Howard said that he's still bummed out about the tombstone. He said that he looks forward to this stuff usually but Robin gets him good stuff. Howard said that next year he and Robin are exchanging gifts and that's that. He said he's going to keep it that way every year from now on.
Howard asked Artie what he got for Lee Gerowitz from Howard TV. Lee came in so Artie gave him his gift which was a $500 gift certificate to the Yankees store. He also got him some Yankee tickets to any game he wants to go to during the regular season.
Howard thought that Lee didn't like the gift but Lee said he was just half asleep. Lee said he is a Yankee fan so this was phenomenal. Artie said that Lee can have any game but the playoffs. He said that his seats are about 4 rows behind what he had in the past.
Artie said that Lee will get waiter service with those tickets. Howard asked Robin about who got her a gift in the Secret Santa thing. Gary said that the guy won't be there until around 8. Gary said he knows the guy's name but he's not sure what he does there. They figured out that he works with the tapes team there.
Howard said that they have the History of Howard Stern Act 2 coming up next week. Howard said that he was talking to John Hunnerlach about it and he was saying that it's the greatest thing ever. Gary said that it is sounding good, he's heard about 11 hours of it. Gary said that they're going to have a kick off show tomorrow after the final day of History of Howard Stern Act 1.
Robin said she's going to be on vacation and she's going to have to figure out how to stream the show since she's never done that before. Gary asked Robin where she was going but she didn't want to tell him. Howard asked Robin if she's bringing that 25 year old with her. Robin said that she's not going anywhere with anyone.
Robin said that she's not talking to Howard about her personal life. Howard asked if she's embarrassed to talk about it. Robin said that she is.
Howard said he heard that Scott the Engineer was already complaining about his gift. Scott came in and said that he's not complaining about it. He said that Steve Langford gave him his gift and it was in a SIRIUS envelope. He thought that was kind of tacky. Scott said it was a $100 bill with no card. He thought that was kind of weird and impersonal. Fred said he was doing the same thing with the envelope.
Fred said that Scott is an ungrateful jerk. Howard said there should have been a card. Fred said he didn't get a card either. He said the gift is the thing, not the card. Fred said he wrote ''To Jarred, Happy Holidays'' and that was it.
Fred told Scott that he's like a girl. Fred said he just stuffed some cash in an envelope. It was $300 and it was for Jarred Long, not Jared Fox.
Howard said that he wants to write down what he gave to Ken so Scott can see how much it was. Howard said that Scott is the only one who will know the amount. Scott came in and read it and said that it was very nice. Scott said he still thinks Howard is an asshole though. He said he was kidding about that. Then he told Howard that's a great gift and anyone would love that gift. He said he'd even like that one without a card.
Artie said that Scott throws those comments out there and then says he's kidding but it's obvious he's not. Howard said that he was trying to help Ken pay off his loans. Howard said he wanted the piece of paper back so he could rip it up. Howard told him not to tell anyone how much it was, other than Robin.
Ronnie said that Scott was complaining about not getting one of the shirts that Double A had made. Scott said he wouldn't wear that anyway. Ronnie said he would have worn it if he had gotten one. Ronnie said he was bitching to everyone. Scott said he might wear it out to wash his car or something but not out in public. Ronnie then told Scott that he actually did get one, they were just jerking him around. Scott said that he won't wear it out in public. He said that he doesn't like to wear that stuff out there.
Double A called in so Howard told him that the shirts were really ugly and he'll never wear it. He said that Double A has horrible taste.
Robin said that she got a gift from Sour Shoes. Howard said he got a card from him and he signed his real name.
Artie said that he knows that Double A owned a pizzeria that had to be very lucrative. He said that it was around Nutley, New Jersey and it was really good food. Howard said that they hit the lottery. Double A said that his mom did hit the lottery and he's bought a lot of real estate so he's pretty much set for life. Howard asked what they own. Double A said he and his brother and sister have invested in apartment buildings and stuff and he's just enjoying life. He doesn't have to work, he just collects rent and stuff.
Double A said that his mom's money has nothing to do with it, they just invested well. Double A said she got like $3.9 million but he was set before that. He said that the family business was a big money maker. He said he worked with his uncle from the age of 9 on and then at 18 he took over the business and ended up buying buildings and stuff.
Howard wondered what kind of money a business like that could make. Artie said that it was a huge business because of the location. Double A said they sold it at the right time and they got out of it so they're all set right now.
Double A said that they sold the place for a nice chunk of change. They had a liquor license too so that was big money. They could make a pizza for like a buck 50 and they'd sell it for like 8 bucks. Double A said that the market isn't the same now so it's not that cheap. Howard said that it's amazing how they turned a pizza place into that kind of money.
Artie said he used to go to the place that Double A's family owned and he remembers his sister's long nails. Double A said that she did have long nails but the waitress they had there had really long ones. That led to the guys talking about those long nails and how that's a thing they do in that part of Jersey.
Howard asked Double A when he retired from the business. Double A said he was 32. He said now he just collects rents and he feels very blessed because of that.
Double A said his brother maintains a lot of properties so he's very hands on. He said he's like the maintenance guy. He said they still buy properties and build on that.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that they probably don't even have mortgages. Double A said that's right, they don't. Dominic said that Double A is his hero based on that. Howard said that Dominic is the worst businessman out there and he probably has no savings. Dominic said that's not true. Howard said that Dominic doesn't own his homes, he has mortgages on them. Dominic said he does but that's not that insane.
Howard asked where Dominic is living now. Dominic said he's living in Glen Cove in an 8,000 square foot house. Howard said that he didn't think those places were worth the amounts that he was saying they were. Howard said he's heard things about Dominic not saving money and stuff like that.
Howard let Dominic go and said that maybe people should be taking advice from Double A. He said that the guy is a smart businessman. Howard said that he can see Robin going around collecting rents. He did an impression of her doing that and knocking on doors.
Artie asked Robin why she doesn't do that if she has the money. Robin said she has no desire to be a landlord. Howard said that she could have Double A do the rent collections for her. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
After the break Howard came back and said that he was reading a story about this Atlantis resort in the Bahamas. He said that they have a shark tank there where you can see the sharks from the pool. Howard said that always freaked him out.
Howard said he read that they had a story about a shark jumping out of the shark tank into the fresh water tank where it died. Howard read the story about how it jumped onto a water slide and into the pool. They said that no one was in the water at the time so they lucked out there.
Howard said he had a fish tank that the fish used to jump out of to commit suicide. He said that was when he was married and had a 700 gallon tank. Howard said he had guys who would keep it stocked for him. He said he'd come home and find fish on the floor, behind the wall and stuff like that. He said they'd restock it and then they'd jump out of the tank. Howard said he eventually called the House of Fins in Greenwich, Connecticut and they found the water was toxic. They told him that's why the fish were jumping out and killing themselves.
Howard said the place told him that the fish were a couple hundred bucks each and the other pet shop was spending thousands just restocking the tank. Howard said they thought his business model was insane.
Howard said that Jay is looking good and wondered if he's lost weight. Jay said that he hasn't but his hair is shorter and he's dressing nicer. He said that he's supposed to be going on a local news program this morning. Jay said that he'll go on any morning show that asks him to come on.
Howard said Jay must not be as uptight as he is because he hates doing shows like that. Howard said he's not even going on Letterman this year because he gets so uptight.
Jay said he has no reason not to go on shows like that. He's not saving himself for anything so he figures he can just go on any show. Jay said he had a nice life and he was raised well so he just goes through the day happy. He doesn't need the adulation from people that some people need.
Jay said that his show has moved to channel 108 and 139 on XM. Howard said he's also on Friday mornings on Howard 101. Jay said that the guests who come on his show have had miserable lives. He had Rob Corrdry on his show and he was telling him that his mother turned into a lesbian. He said that Mitch Fatel told him that his mother never loved him. He said that most funny people have had miserable lives.
Jay said that he's going to be doing a show with Shuli at Caroline's but he was just asked to introduce him and now they're saying that he's the featured act there. Jay said he doesn't even have an act to do. He has nothing to say when he goes up on stage. Howard said that they're saying that Jay is going to be appearing at Caroline's tonight.
Jay asked Artie if his parents were horrible. Artie said that they were actually great. Jay said that he's so screwed up that he figured that he had fucked up parents. Howard said that Artie has major parent issues. Artie told Jay that his father fell off a roof and broke he neck. Jay asked if his father ever asked him to kill him. Artie said he did but he wasn't able to do it. Jay said that's what's inside of Artie fucking him up.
Howard said he could never do that with his father either. Jay said that would be helping your father not suffer if he wanted to die. Jay said that he wouldn't want to live if he was paralyzed from the neck down. He said that he'd want someone, anyone, to kill him. He said that you could hire a hitman if you had to.
Jay was saying that his son told them that he doesn't want to go to college and wants to be a gun smith. He said that they flew out to Prescott, Arizona where they teach gun smithing and he can get some kind of degree out there. Jay said that the kid is going to go there and that's what he wants to do with his life. Jay said that he can tear apart a gun and do some artistic stuff with them.
Howard asked Jay if he's shitting his pants about this show tonight. Jay said he is. Howard said he's seen Jay get up in front of a crowd and wow them. Jay said he doesn't have a bank of material to use. He said that he did a little bit about Howard and his agent at an event and that was that.
Jay said that if he does well tonight, he's going to be a stand-up comedian again. He said that Don Buchwald is supposed to be there. He said that they're doing a whole thing for the people from SIRIUS so they can get in at half price and all of that. Jay said he's doing it as a favor to Shuli.
Howard said that Jay brought in these paintings that Gary thinks look horrible. Jay said that Gary is such an asshole. Jay said that Gary told him that he wouldn't come in the studio because he thinks he's going to get thrown under the bus by him. Gary said that the last three times he was on he'd talk to Jay before the appearance and the first thing Jay would do is make fun of him.
Gary said that Jay is sitting there attacking him because he made fun of his paintings. Jay said that Gary was an asshole earlier and he claimed that was just a description.
Jay said he was out in Arizona with his son. Howard cut him off and asked about his other son who makes prank calls. Jay said that his son got into some trouble for making this prank call where his son prank called a psychic and said he saw a bomb in her future blowing up her car. They ended up surrounding Jay's house with a SWAT team. Jay said that the kid is only 14 years old and he's a comedian already.
Jay said that he got a call from his wife saying that the house was surrounded by the SWAT team. He said that it wasn't the kid with the guns, it was the other kid who makes prank calls, that got them there. Jay said that he saw his gun smithing son driving toward him and he figured that he had done something wrong. That son told him that his brother had made the bomb threat.
Jay said that his son told him about the bomb threat and the SWAT team surrounding the house. Howard asked about the kid calling this gypsy woman about being a bomber. Jay said that it's a whole legal thing and he had to be careful about talking about it. Jay said that it was really bad.
Howard asked how they traced back to the house. Jay said it's because his kid is stupid and used the house phone. He said it probably said ''Jay Thomas' house'' on the caller ID.
Jay said that he got to his house and saw the guys with the SWAT on their backs. He went into the house and his son and wife were sitting there with the cop talking to them about the prank call. The kid admitted it was him immediately. Jay said that he thought about it for about a second and then admitted to it. The kid said that he thought it was funny.
Jay said that it cost him $5,000 just for the bomb squad to look at the car to make sure it wasn't wired for a bomb. Jay said his son kept telling him that he thought the phone call was funny but his son thought that he was doing something like he does. Jay said he had to tell him that he's a professional and he knows what he's doing. The kid thought it was funny to do the bomb thing and didn't realize that it was just a bomb threat, not a prank call.
Howard said that kind of stuff has gotten angrier and meaner over the years. He said that it used to be fun when Candid Camera would pull pranks but now they do stuff that's much meaner.
Jay said that this gun smithing son can go out into the woods and live for a week, in a nice outfit, and come back clean. He said that the kid once came into his living room dressed up as a cowboy with six shooters and told him that he was having trouble sleeping so he was relaxing in that outfit.
Jay said that having kids is crazy because you never know how they're going to grow up. Howard asked if he thinks he's going to be supporting them the rest of their lives. Jay said that his gun smithing son should be okay with the gun thing. He said that gun makers are making more money now than ever before. He said that people think that Obama is going to ban guns and they're selling guns like crazy.
Jay said that he went on this tour of the gun smithing school and they saw dead Elk on a car after some hunters got them. Jay said that he was freaked out but his son wanted to go out and hunt some Elk. Jay said that his son was talking about gutting the animals and all of that and his son knows how to do it all. Jay said his kid watches all of this shit on the internet while other kids are jerking off watching porn.
Jay said his little one has acne so they wanted to give him some medicine but they wanted him to keep asking him if he wanted to commit suicide. He's starting the treatments today so they have to keep an eye on the kid.
Jay said that he gave his first son away but he came back a full package and the people who raised him did a good job. He said that all celebrities should let a normal family raise their kids.
Jay had to get going so Howard had to wrap up. Howard asked where the paintings were so he could check those out before he left. Jay said that this guy Ian Russell is very excited about the paintings. Howard said they were horrible. Robin said she kind of liked her's. The guy had Artie as food and Howard with a chess board. Jay said he asked the guy to put syringes in Artie's picture.
Gary said that the pictures weren't very flattering. Gary was in a monkey suit and he asked how he's supposed to like that. Jay said that the guy is a fan of the show and he made them up based on the stuff they do on the show. Gary had monkey family members in the painting.
Jay said that this guy Ian seems like a normal guy and he doesn't envision his fans being like that. Howard said they had one of Fred, Gary, Robin, Artie and one of him. Jay said that the guy just wants a picture of them standing near them or something.
Howard said that Jay seems to be doing great and looks great. He said that he's doing this comedy show tonight and he will be performing with Shuli. He said he can't imagine him failing tonight. He said that he's seen him perform and he thinks he will do just fine. Jay said that they have this Tourette's guy Twitchels coming out with them tonight too. Jay said that this guy has Tourette's and if you say ''Jump'' the guy has to jump. Jay said he's going to do that himself from the crowd. Jay said he's going to interview Shuli and Twitchels on stage. Howard told him that he can't go wrong with that. Howard gave Jay some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard said that Red Peters sent him a clip of some funny songs and he had no idea what it was. It turns out that the song was really good. Gary told him that it's a woman who tours with Red Peters. She never records her stuff. This was just a recording that Red had. Her name is Amanda Palmer.
Howard said he thinks that Meg Griffin would play something like that on her show. He said that she plays weird stuff like that.
Artie said he got to know Meg after she came to see him do a show last year. Howard said that Artie is a sell out to Meg so she could never be friendly with him.
Howard said he's known Meg for a really long time, even before he worked at K-Rock where they worked together. He said that he was working at this station WRNW with Meg and her husband and they used to play whatever they wanted so he'd write it down and play the same kind of stuff. He said that they were all over the place with their music selections. Howard said no one was listening to the station at the time. There was no reason to listen to it because it amused no one.
Robin said that she used to love when Meg would do her yearly Christmas special at K-Rock because she'd play Christmas songs that no one had ever heard before. Howard said he couldn't even tell if they were in commercial or not.
Howard said that he didn't know how to be an announcer and he didn't know music so he was the lowest of the low.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that Radiohead was sued over stealing parts of their song from The Holly's. Howard said that was fascinating and thanked him for calling in. Howard said he could kind of see that though.
Howard said it sounds like Eric is back to his usual form. Eric said he was supposed to go back up to the Bunny Ranch but that got canceled because of him being sick.
Eric asked Howard to replay the voice mail message that he made for this guy Howard. Howard said he already did that.
Johnny Fratto called in and said that Eric wasn't just dehydrated. He was having trouble breathing. He said that Eric drinks Coca Cola and eats Mac and Cheese all day long. He's not eating well. Johnny said that Eric wasn't able to breathe the night before he went to the hospital. Johnny said that he was talking to Eric when he was having trouble breathing and it was freaking him out. He said he really has to drink water. He asked Robin to tell him that.
Howard asked Eric if he's going to drink water now. Eric said he had water next to him now. Johnny told him to stop with the Coke.
Howard said goodbye to Eric but Eric cut him off and asked why Gary is dictating what he can play on the show. Gary said that he doesn't dictate it to Howard. Gary said Howard thought that voice mail he left was boring too. Eric went off on Gary so Johnny asked him to calm down. Howard let them go a short time later.
Howard said he wonders if she would do it. Bobo told him to try. Artie said he'd love to try that sometime too. Howard said that he'd be afraid of the stewardess coming back. Howard asked what he should say to her. Robin said that he could say that he didn't want to be bothered the entire flight and maybe she should stay in her area.
Howard said the pilots have to go back there to use the toilet sometimes. Robin said he could ask them to just stay out of there. Robin said he could request 30-40 minutes that they can't bother him.
Howard told Gary to get Beth on the phone so he could ask her about it. Bobo said this was great. Howard said it wasn't that great. Bobo said he was looking forward to hearing how it turns out.
Artie was saying that Bobo's toupee is extra horrible looking. He said he should really get rid of it. Artie said it's just horrible.
Bobo asked why Bobby De Niro hasn't done the show. Howard said it's probably because he doesn't want to, just like tons of other people.
Gary said he wasn't able to get Beth on the phone. Howard let Bobo go after that. Dominic Barbara called in and said that most private jets have cameras in the back so he wouldn't want that. Howard said he's right about that.
Dominic joked that he has video of Howard and Beth's first time at his house. Howard said that Dominic is being really creepy today. Howard said that he's doing something else creepy and both Dominic and his wife are calling the office to find out if they're teaming up with each other. Dominic said that's not true.
Howard said that he wants to inform both Dominic and his ex-wife that he's not taking sides and no one cares about their divorce. Howard said he doesn't want either of them on the show about their divorce.
Howard said that Beth isn't taking a side in this either. He said that Dominic thinks that they're plotting against him but no one cares about this stuff. Dominic said that his friendship is to him. Howard said he doesn't talk to Leslie.
Dominic said that Leslie isn't supposed to talk about the settlement. Howard said she didn't say anything to Beth about him.
Dominic got all upset with Howard and told him that he owes him an apology after being his friend for 25 years and treating him the way he was. Howard said he loves Dominic but he's not going to bore his audience with his divorce stories. Howard said he's not looking for an interview. Then Howard said he was going to take Leslie's side in this.
Robin said that Dominic was claiming Howard for his side like they're fighting over that. Howard said that Dominic would die if he chose Leslie over him.
Gary had Beth on the phone so Howard went to her. Howard told her about the fight he just had with Dominic and how he had to explain to him that no one cares. Howard said that Leslie calls Beth a lot but she's not talking to her about the divorce. She's calling her as a friend. Beth said that she's been friends with her since the beginning.
Beth said that she does hear Leslie's side in the whole thing and she does share that with Howard. Howard said that Dominic is telling them that he has tape of them at his house and that's what he was getting pissed about.
Beth said that Dominic should come clean with the truth because she's heard some of what went on. Howard said that Dominic claims he has come clean.
Howard asked Beth if she would have sex on a private plane. Beth said that she would but that stewardess is on the flight with them so she's not sure. Howard said that Robin gave him some suggestions about what to say to her about that. They also have the camera problem. Beth said that would be really embarrassing. Howard said that he could have sex outside or something. Beth said that you never know about the neighbors.
Beth asked about the Secret Santa gift. Howard said that he didn't want to talk about it but then he told her what it was. Beth said that was creepy and told him not to bring it home. She asked if there was anything nice on it. Howard said it just had a picture of him and the date of his birth on it. Howard said it was just a bummer. They spent a couple more minutes talking before Howard let Beth go.
Howard asked if he was a writer back then. Darren said that he did do some writing before that. He said he wasn't into the whole play thing in high school though.
Darren went to Harvard and his parents weren't too happy about him going into film. He said that he had a nice fight with his father over that which he'll never forget.
Darren said that he went to AFI (American Film Institute) but they just call themselves ''Another Fuckin Idiot'' when they go there.
Howard asked Darren how he got his first film made. Darren said he made a film called ''Pi'' that was a black and white movie he made for $60,000. Robin said that movie got a lot of buzz when it came out. Darren said that movie made about $10-15 million easily. The investors all gave $100 and got $150 back. Howard asked what he made after that. He made ''Requiem for a Dream'' after that. Howard said he thinks he liked that one. Gary said that Howard really liked that one a lot.
Howard asked Darren about banging Jennifer Connelly. Darren said that he can't talk about things like that. He said he doesn't cross that line with people he works with. He said that he did get to see her naked though. She did a nude shot in the movie.
Artie said that Jennifer has to do a hard core sex scene in that movie with a double sided dildo. Darren said that scene was an all night shoot and his DP told him that it was the most fucked up thing he had ever seen.
Howard asked Darren how he asks someone like Jennifer Connelly to do a scene like that. He said that he told her that they had to go to the darkest place they could and that's why they had to shoot the scene the way they did.
Darren talked about how well that movie must have done but said that he doesn't see the numbers himself. He said that he made ''The Fountain'' next. Robin said that she didn't like that one too much. Howard said they can't all be winners. Robin said that the movie was just a bad movie. Darren said he thought it was the best thing he's ever done. He said that it's worth a second viewing and asked Robin to check it out.
Howard told Darren that ''The Wrestler'' was great and he really enjoyed that. Howard said that Darren wanted to have Mickey Rourke in the movie but the studio wanted Nicholas Cage in it. Howard said Mickey was going to back out of it but Darren was bothered by it so he pushed to keep Mickey in the movie.
Darren talked about how he called Mickey to let him know that he was going to get the part again after he separated ways with Nick Cage. He said that was the same day that Mickey got a DUI on a scooter. He said that was a nightmare but things worked out. Howard also talked about how hot Marissa Tomei looked in the movie in her nude scenes.
Howard said that Artie has this story about working at MAD TV and getting all coked up and meeting Darren at a party out in L.A. years ago. Darren said that this is all nonsense because he doesn't remember this stuff. Howard said Artie has a theory about why Darren didn't give him the job in this movie. Darren said that he doesn't remember any of that happening but he did know this guy David Herman from MAD TV.
Artie told Darren about his friend telling him that he once did something to Darren at this party. Artie said that his friend told him that they were at the party and he picked a fight with Darren and kept calling him a film school fag and slapping him in the head. Artie said he didn't remember doing that and had no recollection of doing it. Artie said he had black outs back then so anything is possible. Artie said after he did the audition he figured that maybe Darren was jerking him around with the part.
Darren said he doesn't have an answer for why he didn't get the part. Darren said they gave the part to this guy Wass. Darren said that he really didn't have any memories of Artie doing anything wrong to him. He said that he saw Artie at a party about 2 years ago and was afraid to go up to him and talk to him. He said that Artie did a great job in the audition but he was too recognizable. He wanted someone that would blend into the movie and not pop out.
Howard said Darren is right about that because you don't see anyone famous popping out in the scenes. That makes it look like a documentary. Darren said that Artie is very talented and he was very impressed with his work. Howard said he wants to know why he never gets that kind of comment or movie offers.
Howard said he heard that Darren might be directing the next Robocop. Darren said they're working on a screenplay right now but he's not sure if that's going to happen. Robin said that she thinks that would be great. Howard said that he'd play Robocop and he'd shave his head to do it.
Artie said that casting Marlon Wayans in ''Requiem'' was a great pick. Darren said that when he read the book he felt that character had a lot of comedy in him so he had to cast a comedian. He asked Dave Chappelle to play the part but he didn't want to do it.
Howard spent a couple of minutes asking Darren about his girlfriend Rachel Weisz and then gave him some plugs for this movie ''The Wrestler.'' They talked about the movie a little more after that. Robin wanted to know why Nick Cage backed out of the deal. Howard said that Darren said that he just couldn't do it with him and he had to do it with Mickey.
Darren said that he had a really hard conversation with Nick Cage and he as the ultimate gentleman about the whole thing. Darren said that Nick could have done it but the part really was meant for Mickey. Darren said that The Ram really was Mickey and he had to have him in it.
Darren said they're going to drive a copy of the movie up to Vince McMahon to see the movie. Howard said he told Bubba to call Hulk Hogan and make sure he gets to see the movie. Darren said that Rowdy Roddy Piper saw it and cried.
Gary said that he was at the showing that Roddy Piper was at and the old wrestlers there got up and demonstrated some stuff for them in front of 60 people.
Darren said that he wants to work with Artie on something. Artie told him to give him a call when he has something. Howard let Darren go after that.
Howard said Artie got his answer on all of that stuff and it had nothing to do with that party story he heard.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he saw Artie's sister in that special and he'd fuck the shit out of her. Artie asked him what he does for a living. The guy said he's only 18 so he doesn't do much. Artie said he'd let his sister know.
The caller asked if the rest of the guys would fuck Artie's sister. Howard said he saw her at a comedy show one night and didn't recognize her. He just thought she was some hot chick. Beth had to tell him that it was Artie's sister.
The caller asked what happened to Artie since his sister turned out so hot. Artie said he's never heard that joke before.
Robin mentioned that she got a good gift from her Secret Santa. It was a gift certificate for Pure Food and Wine. Robin said she gave her gift to her Secret Santa person too. She gave a gift certificate to the guy that was for $1,500 at Best Buy. Howard said that's a nice gift.
Howard asked Robin if she has any idea how much he gave his intern. She guessed it was between 3 and 5 grand. Howard said it was 5. Howard said the kid has major loans and drives from Philly to New York to work.
Gary said that now that they've come out with that they should go back and talk about the look on Scott's face when he saw the amount. Gary said that he could see Scott thinking about the ways he could have spent that money.
Bill said that he was making a whole movie out of this thing. He filmed them having sex and he was a paralyzed Batman. Bill said that the woman tries to help him out by sucking him off. Batman is unconscious in the scene at first and he wakes up and asks her what she's doing at some point. Robin asked if they ever explain why Batman has this heavy accent. Bill said that they speak English and Spanish in the movie.
Bill said that about 5 hours into it his girl was complaining about how long it was taking. She thought 5 hours was too much. Howard asked Bill if he can feel his penis. Bill said he has sensation all over.
Bill asked if they had any prizes to play for today. Howard said he'd like to see him in this movie. He said even if it was just his part he'd like to see it.
Howard had some more Beetlejuice game to play so he told Bill he could play that. The $500 prize money was courtesy of TSS Radio.
Howard played the first clip which was Sal asking Beetlejuice if he know what song he was playing. It was Santa Claus is coming to town. Bill thought he would know what it was. Beet ended up saying ''Rudolph the Reindeer Christmas day.''
Sal asked what ornament they put at the top of the Christmas tree. Howard said he'd just give that one to Bill either way and just played the clip. Beet knew it was a star.
Next up was Sal asking where Santa lives. Artie said he thinks he knows where he lives. Howard said he didn't know the song a minute ago. Howard said he thinks Artie is off on this one. Bill said he wouldn't know. Beet knew it was the North Pole so Bill was wrong again.
Howard told Bill not to listen to him on the answers. He told him if he gets this next one right, he's won. Sal asked Beet what song he was playing. It was ''Let it Snow.'' Artie said that he's going to say he doesn't know this one. Bill said he was going to go with yes. Beet said it was ''Blow snow'' but Howard took it since it was kind of close. Howard gave Bill the $500 prize and let him go.
Artie said that Bill reminds him of this guy who used to do commercials for some store there in New York. Gary said that guy was Uncle Steve. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they have a story about Lisa G's charity donations for her cookies. Benjy called and asked how much they were going to donate and got no answers. Lisa G got upset about that and said that she will donate 10 percent of the sales.
Benjy said that he called the Susan B. Komen organization but didn't ask about the cookies. He wanted to know if he could sell whore cookies and donate. Howard cut him off and moved on.
Steve said that they have a story about Erica Ellison, a former guest on the show, being on the ''Mama's Boy'' TV show. Steve also mentioned the History of Howard Stern Act 2 starting next week.
Jon Hein came in next with his Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned the tombstone gift that Howard got so they spent a minute on that again. Howard said it was weird and really did get him upset. Robin said the tapes team must really be upset about not being recognized because they gave an autographed picture of themselves to her.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview and then Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to talk about what they had coming up tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Mutt said they'll discuss the Christmas presents and the History of Howard Stern among other things.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that from 4:30 to about 7:30 he, Double A, Mariann from Brooklyn, Joey Boots and Fred the Elephant Boy will be at Penn Station singing and giving out radios to fans. He will be playing Santa Claus. Artie wished Eric luck in his fraud trial after hearing that.
Robin read a story about the God Hates Fags people who are asking to add their message of hate to a sign on a Santa display. Robin also had some audio of them singing a song about Santa that they came up with to talk about what's wrong with Santa.
Yucko the Clown called in and asked Robin how her wine thing is going. He said that must make her a ''grape ape.'' Howard brought up Yucko's ex-wife and said that must be why he's so angry. Artie asked if he knows where she is. Yucko just said ''What?'' He wished them a ''Happy fucking Holiday'' after that.
Dennis Hof from the Bunny Ranch called in and asked what's going on with Eric the Midget. He said they had him set up to come out there and he didn't show up. Dennis said he had a whole deal set up with Eric and a couple of the girls. He said that he had Airforce Amy and another girl ready to do some stuff with him. Howard said that Eric had to go to the hospital for dehydration. Dennis said he hopes that he gets better.
Howard asked Dennis about the other girls who had sex with Eric and if it was true they killed themselves. Dennis said that they're still trying to get them worked out. Dennis said that they have their last show of the year and there will be tons of people there tonight. He said it's their ''Ho, Ho, Ho'' party. Howard let Dennis go a short time later.
Robin read a story about rich guys cutting back on how much they're spending on their mistresses this year based on the economy. Robin said that people are cutting back on plastic surgery because of the economy too.
Robin read a story about an immigrant that was killed there in the city because some people thought he was gay as he walked down the street with a friend.
Howard asked Fred if he was going to miss him for two weeks while they're on vacation. Fred said he can't imagine Howard is going to miss him when he's with that beautiful wife of his. Howard said that he's going to miss Fred.
Howard asked Artie about what he's going to be doing over vacation. Artie said he's going to be jogging instead of thinking about drugs. He said he really doesn't have much planned so he may go down to some island to try and chill out or something. Artie said he got a really nice offer to do a show on New Years Eve. He said it's just one night. Howard sounded worried about that.
Artie said he really doesn't have any plans to go anywhere and the New Years thing threw a monkey wrench into the whole deal.
Robin said she may sit down and write Howard a note while she's away. Howard said he'd like her to include a photo of herself nude with that note. Howard asked her what kind of panties she wears. Robin said sometimes she wears a thong.
Robin read a story about a former wrestler that was just found dead today. They're saying that it could have been a murder suicide. She also had a story about the brother of Mark Ruffalo didn't die from playing Russian Roulette.
Robin said that Playboy magazine may be adopting a new, edgier tone when his sons take over the magazine. Howard asked what qualifies them to run the magazine. Robin said that they have grown up in the lifestyle. Howard and the guys talked about what the magazine could do to compete better. Howard said that Beth actually subscribes to the magazine because she likes to see what women are up to. Howard said that he doesn't even have a subscription.
Robin read a story about circumcision where they report that it can protect men from the AIDS virus and the human papaloma virus when they're circumcised. Artie said he can imagine that working because he's sure there's some nasty shit that gets caught up in an uncircumcised dick. That led to Howard doing his 'Gina Man impression and saying ''Smega cheese'' like him. They played some 'Gina Man clips after that too.
Robin read a story about this guy who bilked people out of 50 billion dollars and how he's still living there in the city like nothing is going on. Howard said they had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 10:10am, we heard George Takei singing ''I'm Dreaming of a White Penis.'' Howard asked Robin to get back to her news but she was in the middle of eating some of her Christmas gift. She had some samples from the Pure Food and Wine thing.
Robin read some news about the new New York State budget and how Governor Patterson is getting a lot of crap over that.
Robin had a story about the guy who threw his shoes at President Bush who is being hailed as a hero over in Iraq. One guy even offered up his daughter to the guy for what he did. Howard said that no hero here would ever get someone's daughter offered up to them.
Robin read a story about Ed McMahon having problems with his home. He still can't pay his mortgage but he won't be homeless this Christmas. He's worked out a deal to stay in the house and make mortgage payments so they won't kick him out.
Robin said that President Bush knows he wasn't a popular President but he also didn't sell his soul to be a popular guy. He thinks that what he did was right while he was in office. She had some audio of him talking about how we've been safe since 9/11 thanks to him. She also had audio of Bush saying that they're leaving behind the institutions and tools to help the country prevail in the battle ahead.
Robin had a story about the SEC's investigation into this guy Madoff who bilked people out of millions. They failed to find that there was wrongdoing on his part even after people reported it to them.
Robin had some news about Caroline Kennedy and had audio of her talking about not lobbying to be a senator. Howard said she actually has done a lot of stuff but they just don't know exactly what that is. He said it's all behind the scenes stuff like Bush claims to have done.
Robin said that she read the story about the first face transplant yesterday. They're now saying that this isn't a cosmetic surgery. She had some audio of the doctors talking about that.
Robin read a story about dinosaur fossils that were found recently. She had some news about the Pro Bowl selections.
Robin said that she wonders about these people who have to send their kids out of the country to go to school. Robin said that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are talking about doing that. She said that they claim that the kids don't ask for toys because they don't see the commercials that air on commercial TV. Fred threw in Tracy's ''Fuck you'' and ''Douche!'' clips during that discussion.
Robin had some audio of Simon Cowell talking about Paula Abdul and what's going on with her on the show. Simon said that the people on the show aren't bad people and they're not trying to hurt Paula. He said he doesn't think that they knew about this woman that ended up killing herself. He also said that Paula could have stopped the interview if she had wanted to.
Robin read a story about Ben Affleck very quickly. She also had a clip of Scarlet Johansson blowing her nose on The Tonight Show. Howard said that it was such a set up, phony bit. He said they had her do it so they could pretend to auction off the tissue. Howard said he didn't see it but he did hear the audio. He played the clip that Robin wanted to hear. JD came in and said that Jay had a plastic bag ready to go there. Howard said that it's so gay to do stuff like that.
Robin said that the movie ''Valkyrie'' is opening this week. Artie said he's looking forward to that one and now he has a bunch he can see during vacation. Howard said he's looking forward to that too. He said Tom Cruise is good in some of these movies. Robin said she's a huge Tom Cruise fan in the movies too. Howard said he should hide himself from the public and not go out talking during interviews and stuff.
Robin said she thinks she read that Eddie Murphy is going to be the villain in the next Batman film. Howard said ''Uh oh, that sounds bad.'' Robin said that could be like Richard Pryor being added to the Superman movie.
Robin wished everyone a happy holiday and said she'd miss them all. Howard was going to end the show but Artie had to get in a plug. He said that on New Year's Eve Howard 101 is going to air his stand up from ''It's the Whisky Talkin.'' He said that's really cool and it should be airing around 11pm. Howard ended the final live Stern Show of 2008 around 10:35am.
Jon talked to Artie about the Darren Aronofsky call today and how well that worked out for him. Gary said that Artie wouldn't have been on screen that long if he had gotten that part. Artie said that's probably a good thing because he didn't lose out on a big part. Gary said the part was so short that the audience probably would have spent the whole time saying ''Oh, there's Artie Lange.''
Jon brought up the Secret Santa thing and how they all learned what not to get Howard. Gary said that it takes just one gift to make this bit work. Gary said that the guy didn't do it in a malicious way but that's what makes it a great bit.
The guys talked about how fucked up it was as a gift. Gary said that no one told on the guy or made him think that he was out of his mind giving him that gift. Jon had Teddy play a clip of the revealing of the tombstone.
After the clip Jon said that Howard was shaking after the revelation. He said that he really was freaked out by it.
Gary said that Howard claimed he wasn't going to disparage the gift and the guys were all throwing out how long it was going to take him to do it. Jon apparently leaned back and said ''30 seconds.''
Artie said that it's like a fan who gets Howard a cake shaped like a penis. Artie said he knew that Howard wasn't as into Gothic stuff as Ted thought he was. He said that was just a bad call on Ted's part.
Gary said that Howard wasn't really being that honest about the comic book thing either. Jon said that Howard has said that he doesn't want that kind of stuff anymore and he'd prefer a pen over comic book stuff. Gary said that Howard still reads comic books and he's just not being truthful about that.
Jon said that Ted from Howard TV just stopped by. He asked Ted if he was sincere about the gift. Ted said that it was a gift that Howard didn't have. Gary said that they usually wait until much later in one's life to give a gift like a tombstone.
Ted said that no one would expect a gift like that. Ted said he tried to book Kathie Lee Gifford but that didn't work out. Artie said that would have been funny. Ted said he was going to try and get something named after Howard at the restaurant Pump. Gary said he wouldn't have liked that either.
Gary was saying that what Howard did with the painting that Artie gave to him of Neil Young was just wrong. Gary said he didn't have to have the picture taken down from his office. Artie said it shows how much Howard really hates it.
Ted said that the tombstone weighs 350 pounds and he had to get a couple of guys to help bring it in. They had it on a hand truck and getting it off of that was tough.
Jon asked Ted what he thought about Howard claiming he wasn't going to bad mouth him if it was a bad gift. Ted said he didn't have any idea what he was going to say about it.
Gary said that the tombstone is going to still be there on January 5th when he comes back. Doug Goodstein said he's got it on the hand truck ready to get it out of there.
Gary said they could send it to Imus or someone. Gary said they could auction it off to someone for charity. Artie wondered what they could get for it. Artie said that they could leave it in there like the Beetlejuice bust.
Gary said that a Superfan might want it and it is a one of a kind thing. They've never really sold anything like that. They talked about the painting that Howard sliced up with a knife on the air. Doug said he thinks the guy got hundreds of dollars for that painting when he sold it.
Jon asked Benjy about the web site names that he gave to Fred. Benjy said that he also gave him the gift certificate. Benjy said that he could have given him more and Fred was wrong for thinking that he couldn't afford it.
Artie said that he though Fred was extra hostile toward Benjy today and that was very odd. Benjy said he's not sure, he like Fred and he thinks Fred likes him.
Artie was also saying that he's not sure why his mother is calling JD up and giving him suggestions. He said that he does love the gift he got of the Ken Burns documentary thing. He said he told his mother about that and she told JD about it. He said it would have been funnier if JD got him a gift that sucked for the comedy part of it.
Jon said that Ken the Intern got Howard in the Secret Santa so he ended up getting that huge check from him. Jon said that Scott the Engineer took the cake when he saw how much money Howard gave him.
Artie said that the Secret Santa thing is kind of not working. He said he doesn't expect anything from Howard himself but when you get into this business it's because you're narcissistic. He said that Howard has turned this into Howard not buying anyone gifts and then showing off with the one person he does buy for. He said he must have guilt over the whole thing and that's why he gives to much to that one person. Artie said that Robin is really blatant about it too and asked if they wanted to know what she gave. Jon said that's where he's going to go next. The guys talked about Howard giving away how much he gave to the kid. Artie said that just wasn't right.
Gary asked Artie if he thinks Howard should be giving everyone gifts. Artie seemed to think that he should. He said Howard isn't really the boss but he is their guy there.
Artie said that when they were at K-Rock he had Tom Chiusano pull him to the side and tell him that the sponsors were calling and saying that he was yelling out too much stuff and scaring the sponsors. Artie wondered if it was Howard who told Tom to say that shit to him. He asked Howard a few days after that if it was him and Howard told him to ignore Tom and listen to him because he's the boss. Artie said he does think of Howard as the boss there even if he's technically not.
Artie said that Howard does have a crazy list of people he'd have to buy for though. He said that he gets why he doesn't want to go through that. Gary said that Dave Letterman gives everyone that works for him jackets and stuff like that. Howard could do something like that. Artie said he got a watch from Howard one year and it was the nicest thing. He said that it is a lot of stress for Howard to shop for that stuff though.
Gary said that he doesn't think Howard can just give a jacket. That wouldn't be special enough to him. He wants it to be unique. Artie said that it would be more honest of Howard to say that instead of saying that he's not the boss.
Gary asked where the hard feelings were around there. Jon said he thinks the people have gotten used to it. Jon said that Lisa G complained that one year and that's what led to the Secret Santa thing. Jon said that the people in the back got used to getting great gifts from Howard, Artie, Fred and Robin and that might be what they're looking for.
Artie said that the truth is that Howard doesn't want it give shitty gifts. He said that's why he thinks Howard isn't getting them stuff.
Benjy said that he thinks Howard doesn't know where the line is as far as where he stops buying gifts. He said that it could be like 500 people he's buying gifts for and someone is going to get left off the list.
Artie said that he thinks people like Sal expect gifts from Howard. Gary said that he thinks Sal is upset with him for not getting him and Richard something. He said he only gave to the people who work directly under him though.
Artie said when he was down at his shore house he told the guys that he had gotten a gift from Howard. They asked him what it was and he said ''You're standing in it.''
Jon said that sometimes it comes down to who gave the best gift like with Robin bragging about her's. Gary said that Richard was trying to think about what to get everyone there. He ended up getting a very expensive box of chocolates. Every time he'd mention it he'd mention that it was expensive and eventually said it was $150. Jason had to turn to him and tell him it was kind of low rent to brag about how much he spent on a gift and that may have upset Richard.
Gary said that it was funny the way Robin threw out the $1,500 number for the gift that she gave. Then Howard threw out the 5 grand number for the gift he gave even after he said he didn't want to tell people how much it was.
Gary said he had a guy from Howard TV and gave him a Blu-Ray player and the movie 300. Jon asked if Artie thinks that Lee enjoyed his gift. Artie said he thinks he did.
Jon asked the guys about the look on Scott's face when he saw the dollar amount that Howard had given Ken. Artie said that Scott is the man of 1000 funny faces and he doesn't know he's making them. They were also talking about shirts that Double A got for them and how Ronnie was jerking Scott around about not getting one. Artie said it was funny that Ronnie thought those shirts were actually good looking. He said it showed how he doesn't get sarcasm.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that people do remember it when you give them gifts. He said that Howard can't look at it as a negative that he has so many people to buy for. Doug said he just gives people a small token of his appreciation. He said that he gave Jon Hein a little more than some people because he really appreciates what he does for them.
Jon asked Artie why he hated Scott DePace's picture card so much. Artie said that he was just doing that for Howard. He said he likes when people go out and get married and have kids. He said that he has no desire to hang that kind of stuff up in his apartment. He said he doesn't even have a girlfriend and he's going to throw that stuff out right away. He said that's what he did with Scott's picture. He said he hopes that Scott sees it in his garbage.
Gary said Howard and Beth sent out a picture of them dancing at their wedding and you can kind of see Vinnie Favale's wife in the corner of the picture. Artie said that those cards just aren't his cup of tea.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how long it takes them to trash a gift in their personal lives. He also said that he loved Artie's book. Gary said that they get to say things on the show that they don't get to say in real life. He said that's why they do what they do with the gifts. If you get a shitty gift in real life you may not ever say anything about it. On the show you trash it or throw it in a wood chipper. Artie said that it really is great to hear that stuff when you're in your car driving to work.
Ralph called in and said it's very narcissistic to send out cards of your family. Gary said that Ralph doesn't have much of a family so he doesn't know what it's like to do that. Ralph said the cards are always bad.
Ralph said that Howard offering to take Artie out on a private jet isn't very generous if he's already going on a trip. He also said that he thinks that it's a little selfish for Howard not to give gifts to everyone there. It's not that hard for him to do it and people would appreciate it if he did.
Ralph asked if Tombstone Ted was still there. He was so Ralph asked him how much he spent on that Tombstone. Ted said that he worked out a deal to get it cheaper than usual. Ralph told him he sort of cheated by doing that and asked him what the fuck he was thinking. He said that's got to be the worst gift ever. He said that it looks horrible, it's tacky and it's shitty looking. He said that it's a mess and he's seen it online so he knows what it looks like. Ralph said he could design something better.
Ralph asked what he was thinking because it was really dreadful and he doesn't even use that word usually. Ralph told Ted that he could have called him and asked for some suggestions. Ralph said he knows Howard and he could have given him some ideas that wouldn't have been that bad.
The guys talked about the way Howard reacted to the gift and how they think that he was really hoping for something nice. Gary said that he likes it when they get bad gifts though. Benjy said that's the way Howard reacted to Dan the Song Parody Man's buck knife gift one year but he eventually liked it. He said maybe that's what will happen with this gift.
Ralph asked Artie about the gift he got from JD and how his mother knew that's what he wanted. Artie said that it kind of made the bit boring but he had told his mother what he wanted maybe just 8 hours before JD bought his gift.
Ralph said that Ted must have been looking for attention because now he has a nickname and he probably didn't even pay for the tombstone. Benjy said that he'll probably end up on the Killers of Comedy show. Artie did an impression of Bob Levy talking about how huge this guy is going to be and how he'd pay him to come out and just say a few words on stage.
Gary asked Ted if he was going for a joke gift or not. Ted said he racked his brain for 2 weeks and came up with a few things and this is what he came up with. Gary said he could have told Ted that it was a bad idea but he kept his mouth shut and just gave him the thumbs up.
Benjy asked Ted who told him that it was a good idea. Ralph cut him off and asked if his hope was that Howard would put it on the side and actually save it until he dies. Ted said that's not what he was thinking.
Artie said that he liked that Ted told Howard that he had a guy who was willing to finish the tombstone when he does pass away. He laughed when he was talking about that.
Ralph asked what he thought Howard was going to do with it. Ted said he really had no idea. He wasn't even thinking about that.
Ralph said he got High pitch Mike in the Secret Santa thing and he hasn't given him his gift yet. Ralph said he found something for him already but he hasn't given it to him. He said he's a tough guy to shop for.
Ralph said that Ronnie has him in the Secret Santa and he thinks that he got him a crate of Mambo or maybe all of his SIRIUS stock. Artie had to get going so Jon went to break after that.
Jon said that Scott Salem was joining them so he had to talk to him about being upset about the money he got from Steve Langford because there was no card. Scott said the gift was nice but there was no card and it wouldn't have taken much to get a card for him. Gary said that Scott is the guy who gets forgotten and he's complaining about a gift that someone got for him.
Scott said that he gave his Secret Santa guy $100 too. He said he spent $100 and got $100. He also gave the guy a card with his that read ''Happy Holiday! Ho, ho, ho.'' Gary told Scott to pull the ''Ho, ho, ho'' clip for next year.
Jon asked Scott what he was thinking when he saw how much Howard gave to Ken. Scott said that it was very generous and he wasn't upset about it at all. He said he wasn't jealous or anything either even if it added up to more than the gifts he's gotten in 25 years there.
Gary said he thinks that there was a small part of Scott who thought that Howard could have dropped that kind of money on someone who has worked for him for so long. Scott said he wasn't thinking that at all. He said that it would have been nice if he had though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's the spirit of the whole thing that counts, not the size of the gift. He said that his company is struggling with that this year.
The guy was also asking Gary about the Bruce Springsteen song that went along with the movie ''The Wrestler.'' He said that Mickey apparently wrote a letter to Bruce and Bruce had written a song for the movie.
That call led to Gary and Jon talking about Darren Aronofsky's call to the show today. Gary said he thought the guy was a goofy film school guy but it sounded like he was a big fan of the show and had some fun with the call today.
Jon asked what Gary thought of his explanation about Artie not getting the role in the movie. Gary said that he totally bought into it. He said he believed what he said about Artie being too recognizable to get the part. Gary said he's seen famous people in films before and if they just do a cameo, you might not even hear what they say.
Another caller said that Scott is an ungrateful shit. He said that they don't get anything at the place where he works and he should be a man. Scott wished him a Merry Christmas. The guy gave Scott a big fuck you.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that it would be nice if Howard gave the fans a Friday show once in a while. He said that he could throw them a party or something there at work if he didn't want to buy them gifts.
Gary said that if Howard had to throw a party like that then it would turn into a 250 person party and it would be huge. Benjy thought the guy was talking about giving the fans a party. Gary said that would be insane because it could end up being thousands of people.
Doug said that he asked Richard what he could use for Christmas and Richard told him that he could use some tube socks. Doug said that he got him a couple of packs and threw them in a Corona box and he's thrilled. He said he's so sincere and genuine when it comes to stuff like that.
Jon asked Gary what was going on with Sal today with the wine. Gary said that Sal gave him the bottle yesterday, he didn't want it so Sal took the bottle and re-gifted it to someone there. Doug said that Sal was handing out Artie's book to people today and when they turned the cameras off, Sal took the books back and gave them to other people.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the fantasy football thing they do there and how Scott got screwed out of that. They spent a few minutes on that subject.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she can't wait for Christmas to be over so she doesn't have to hear Scott bitching about this stuff. Scott said he's not bitching. He said that he doesn't get why people are like this. He said he was just saying that it's classless to give a gift without a card.
Scott got pissed at this woman and told her to take a big black dildo and shove it up her ass. Gary thought that was a little out of line. The woman then asked Gary how his kittens are doing. Gary said they're doing fine.
Scott apologized to the woman eventually and wished her happy holidays. Jon asked Scott how they're supposed to be able to tell when he's kidding or not. Scott said he's not a mean guy. He said he's just up and down with his attitude. Doug called it ''crazy'' and Gary said that maybe he's bi-polar.
Scott said that he had a friend who sent them a grille but he never got it. He said that it was another black cloud story. That's the kind of stuff that happens to him.
Jon took one last call from a guy who asked if JD was still there. He said he got a present for JD and wanted to give him the domain name JDHarmeyer.com. He said he just wants to give it to him because there are ads on it that he can collect some money on. The guy said he's tried to ask JD if he wants it but he's totally unresponsive to it. The guy said there are no strings attached to it so he's not trying to get anything out of him. The guy is just trying to help the guy out. The caller said that he could probably collect $500 to $1000 a month if he took advantage of that. Jon had to end the show a short time later.
Jon started off talking about when the special was going to air. It starts on Monday the 22nd and runs for two full weeks. Jon said it starts off at K-Rock when Howard moved there and ends around 1990.
Gary said that he was looking at the names of the people they interviewed for the special and talked about some of them. He said that there were some who kind of went away after a short time and some who stuck around.
Jon said that the history starts when Howard and Robin got fired. Gary said that he didn't get fired so he was still working at WNBC at the time. He and Fred stayed there as did Al Rosenberg. They gave Fred a show and they did the show as Fred, Gary and Al. Gary said that they weren't Howard so it really wasn't the same.
Gary said that they were hoping to find someone to stick into that spot and just replace Howard. They wanted Gary and Fred to remain the nucleus of the show.
Jon said this is going to be part of the special and they're going to have some of the audio of Fred and Gary doing the show. Gary said Fred really doesn't want that stuff airing and wishes that it had been destroyed.
Gary said that Fred came to him one day and told him he had a job with Howard over at K-Rock. Gary said Howard wasn't able to bring him over to K-Rock at first but the day he started the show he gave him a call and told him he had to get over there.
Gary said that they were all worried about what Howard was going to say about management there so they all tuned in and listened to him that day he started at K-Rock.
Jon and Gary talked about how the show was actually on in the afternoons at K-Rock when he started. That changed quickly and they moved Howard to the mornings.
Jon asked Gary about how the mornings got started at K-Rock. Gary said he didn't know what Howard's plans were but Howard always had it in mind to move to mornings so he could defeat and kill Imus. One Friday Howard called them into the office and told the guys what he wanted to do. Gary said that it was sort of fun there doing the show but that day Howard was like Michael in the Godfather where he told them that they had to tighten everything up and become more of a morning show.
Jon took a call from a guy who was talking about how incredible Act 1 was and how he's been listening for a long time now. He said he learned a lot from that special. The guy also asked where he can send Baba Booey song parodies. Gary said that he can send them to him or Sal and Richard and they'll check them out.
Another caller talked about the first half of the History of Howard Stern was great. He went trough some of the stuff that he liked about that. The guy was also saying that his subscription is up on Saturday and he's not going to be able to keep the subscription going. Gary asked him what was up with that. The guy said that he can't put funds together to pay for the year. Gary said that he can pay monthly. The guy had no idea that he could do that. Gary seemed to convince him that he might be able to pull it off by paying monthly.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to say that the channels are great and he heard that Bubba the Love Sponge just re-signed to stay on at SIRIUS. Jon cut in on him and said that hey wanted to congratulate Bubba on that. They signed on for 2 more years so Howard and Artie called in this morning to talk to Bubba on his show. Gary said that he's glad they kept him around because he can't imagine what they would have done to replace him.
Another caller asked why Al Rosenberg never came over to K-Rock. Gary said that he thinks it was money. He said he doesn't think they could afford him and he was probably making better money at NBC. Gary said that a couple of years later Al left NBC and the show had gone a different way so Al didn't fit into the show.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about the clapping that used to go on during the older shows. Gary said that it was actually Howard and the guys in the studio clapping. He said he's not sure how it started though. He said that one time they had George Michaels and Andrew Ridgely on the show and they had no idea what it was about but they ended up clapping along with them by the end of their interview.
Gary said the tapes team works down on the 19th floor in a tiny room with no windows but tis' fascinating got watch them work down there. Jeremy said they had a board up that showed what they were going to be covering in tat special and they went off of that.
Jon said that it's not just the radio show that they use either. They use clips from news programs, channel 9 shows, the FOX pilot shows, and other stuff that no one has heard before. They try to include news, video clips and many of his talk show appearances among others. They even have some clips from the U.S. Open Sores video tape that Howard released. Jon had to take a break around that time.
Sal said that the period that they're going to be going over in this new History show is the time when he started listening and when he heard Gary turn into ''Baba Booey'' and he'd be repeating after Howard and stuff like that.
Jon said that they have Billy West coming in, Ralph calling in for the first time, the show going to Washington and Philly and all of that stuff. Jon said that a guy who is a huge fan of the show is Dan Patrick and he was on the phone.
Dan told the guys that he's a big fan of the show and he enjoys listening to it. Gary asked Sal if he knows who Dan is. Sal said he knows the name and met Dan but he doesn't know what he does. Gary said he talked to Sal about that the other day and told him he's so gay for not knowing what Dan does.
Dan said he could sort of tell that Sal didn't know who he was or what he does. He said that it's great that Howard is able to capture an audience that can listen for 5 hours straight. He said Howard isn't the funniest guy or the most intriguing character but the people he has on the show are very interesting and it's great that Howard gives them that platform.
Gary said that a lot of the people from the past shows are going to be featured in that special. Dan said that he even cares if Eric the Actor is going to the Bunny Ranch and things like that. He said that's why he admires what Howard has done.
Gary said that Janie the Cleaning Lady is the most interesting cleaning lady, Ted the Janitor is the most interesting Janitor, Gary said that he's the most interesting producer. That's the kind of stuff that makes the show great.
Dan said that there are a lot of subtle nuances about the show that he really loves and he hopes that people hear it as well. He said that Howard is kind of like The Simpsons because it gives humor for both children and adults. It's very subtle stuff that's great.
Dan said that he was up for the Gary roast and he really enjoyed seeing how things work up there. He said that he's fascinated with Fred and the sounds he plays on the show. He said that he's very subtle with that stuff and he's truly the treasure of that show. He said he would love to watch Fred do the show one day. Gary said that they get to see the evolution of Fred in this new special. Fred had to have an engineer run the sounds at NBC so he had to tap a guy on the shoulder when he wanted a clip to play. He was able to take over that stuff himself at K-Rock and that's when he really blossomed.
Dan said that Fred does something that very few people ion the business could do. He said that you don't realize just how talented he really is until you know exactly what he does.
Gary said that he sat in for Fred one day and he was thrilled when he was able to play just one clip that got a laugh.
Dan said that he loves Sal's phone calls and told him to keep them coming. He said they're really appreciated and he really enjoys the show. Dan thanked them for doing the show and said that he hopes that Howard doesn't leave radio in 2 years. Jon let Dan go a short time later.
Jon said that knowing Dan is a fan of the show is a big deal to him. Gary said he's obviously a big fan too, you can tell by what he was saying during the call.
That led to Jon playing a clip from the History of Howard Stern Act 2 special where Howard talked about how they got to know about Jessica Hahn. Jessica was interviewed for the special and talked about what was going on in her life. She said that the press were living outside of her house back then and she would see her life unfolding on TV. Robin and Gary also had a few things to say about how they got in touch with Jessica for the first time. They also play the audio from that day when Howard made that call to Jessica to get her on the show. Howard made the call and didn't expect her to pick up. When she did Howard and the crew sounded thrilled.
After playing the clip Jon talked about how Jessica was a huge fan of the show and that's why she picked up. Gary said that Howard sings along as he's dialing the phone and Sal was laughing at that because and a friend of his do the same thing to this day when they make phone calls.
Benjy came in and asked how long it was from the time Jessica was on the phone to when she became a regular. Gary said he wasn't sure about that but he knows that Jessica wasn't talking to anyone at the time. She was only talking to Howard Stern. Gary said it was a huge thing for the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard's voice has changed a lot over the years. He said he used to yuck it up a lot back then in the NBC days. He asked if the technology changed or maybe he was able to compress his voice or what. Gary said he doesn't know the answer to that. He said that it's funny because everyone else's voices sound the same as they do today, except for Howard's. Gary said that he did yuck it up more back then and his voice was kind of goofy. He said that may have been a spill over from AM radio when he was doing his Howweird character and stuff like that.
Benjy said that there's a rumor that says that Howard died in 1986 and this isn't the same Howard Stern that was on the air back then. Sal said he thinks that his nose job may have changed it back in 1996 when that happened.
Jon said that Jessica became a huge part of the show but she also brought in the Sam Kinison stuff and she was a big lynch pin for the show. Gary said she was a regular and she was very loyal to the show back then too. Gary said that they actually introduced Sam to Jessica and he put her in his video for ''Wild Thing.''
Jon played a preview of the Pat Cooper segment from the special next. In that clip they talked about Pat's on air drama. They had an interview with Pat who was saying that they did good radio because he was never stuck for words. They had Howard talking about how great Pat is and how self destructive he is. They also had an interview with Gilbert Gottfried where he talked about how much he enjoyed Pat on the show when he'd curse out his family on the air. Richard Belzer also talked about Pat cooper and described him as being like a hand grenade with the pin pulled out that never quite blows. Fred also talked about what he thought of Pat's dysfunctional family. After that they go into a clip from a show where Pat Cooper's son Mike calls in to talk to his dad.
Gary said that you can hear the tension in the room in that clip because it was so real. He said that usually people are so polished that they never talk about that stuff on the air. Pat was very free with that kind of stuff.
Jon went to the phones and one guy said that Howard is very much like Johnny Carson in the way he can listen to people and he can focus on the one part that's going to give him the next question that opens the guest up. Gary said that he thinks Howard is one of the most underrated interviewers of all time.
Gary said that there was one time on the show when Pat's son called into the show. He said he used to have to hand Howard notes to let him know what was going on. Gary said that he had a note about Pat's son on the phone and then his daughter calling in. Then it was Pat's mother and he kept having to walk into the studio to let Howard know.
Gary said his mother used to listen to the show and she called him one time asking him to make Pat stop talking about his family the way he was. He said that's how crazy things would get on the show. They had to go to break after that.
Jon brought up Jon DeBella and how much time they spend talking about him in the special. Gary said that they have interviews with John in the special and it's very interesting to hear him talking about what was going on for him back in those days. Gary said that they were up against huge numbers with DeBella in Philly and they had to battle to get those ratings from him. Gary said within a year they had cut his ratings in half.
Gary said Howard wanted to crush the guy and he had to be number 1. He said Howard was driven, focused and he had an end game in sight. Gary said they all loved it too because it was fun to have something to work for like that. He said that they were focused on what they had to be back then.
Jon played a little bit of a preview of the segment where they talk about John DeBella. They had Howard talking about the DeBella funeral. Scott the Engineer also got in on that because he was playing the dead DeBella that day when they had him in a coffin. They had Gary talking about how many people showed up that day at Rittenhouse Square. Robin said there were people hanging out windows and it was pretty amazing to see the rabid fandom with thousands of people around them. She said it was just crazy. Fred said it was actually scary and the closest thing to being in the Beatles as they could get. They had a clip from the radio show where Howard talked about it being their day to shine down there in Philadelphia.
After the clip Jon talked about how big of a deal the funeral was back then. Gary said that Howard made a huge thing out of it and the listeners were emotionally invested in it all. Gary said that it was more than just the casket being wheeled out on stage. He said he loved that one of Scott's most important roles on the show was laying in a coffin and shutting up.
Benjy said that Howard is like a Madonna in this special. Gary said he thinks that he wasn't quite there yet in this special but he was on the way. Gary said that Baba Booey hadn't even come up yet in this special toward the end.
Gary said that they have big moments in the special like Fred's dial-a-date, Stuttering John's start on the show, Billy West, Elaine Boosler fight, Bon Jovi feud and on and on and on. Gary said that it covers a lot of stuff.
Ralph called in so Jon talked to him about his first call to the show. Ralph said that he called in and his mother ended up getting on the line with Howard. Howard started doing mother jokes around that time and kept them going when she got off the line. Ralph said that it was Christmas Eve 1985. Ralph said that he was really excited about getting on the line with Howard and he got all excited about the mom jokes. That's where it all started for Ralph and he said he ended up staying on for like 15 minutes.
Gary said that was when they were on in the afternoon and they had to work on Christmas Eve. Gary said that really sucked. He said that his whole family was waiting for him to show up. Meanwhile they had Joey Ramone show up and spill win all over his desk and rolodex. Gary said he still has that rolodex and it's stained with wine.
Ralph said that the show really was great back then and how things picked up for Howard. He said it's a really incredible thing. He said you lose perspective on all of that stuff now. Gary said that he does kind of lose perspective on that. Ralph said it was a really amazing time back then.
Jon said that he had to let Ralph go but he said he didn't know who Dan Patrick was either. Jon explained that to him and then let him go.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the company's financial problems and if the tapes team are going to be able to stay there. Jon said that they were all there right now and he had to give major kudos to them. Gary said that he thinks management really knows what it means to the channels and they're going to keep them around.
Jon said spoke to Rich, one of the producers, and asked him if it meant a lot to him. Rich said it really is consuming and you think about the shows constantly.
Gary asked Rich about what didn't get into the special that he wishes he could have. Rich said that a lot of the Stuttering John interviews would have been great but they weren't able to fit them in there. Jon asked if they're working on Act 3 already. Rich said that they can't stop because it does take so long to put this stuff together.
Gary said he was listening to the end of act 1 and he never realized that he and Fred had the same exact memory about what was going on back then. He said it was great the way that worked out for the special. Rich said he thinks that the interviews end up telling the story if you ask the right things.
Jon read off the names of the guys who work on the tapes and told them that they really do a great job on this stuff. Jon had to end the show a short time later so he got in some more plugs for the special that starts Monday, December 22nd at 6am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 9:20pm.