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This side of salvation superfan contest DAY #1
Each weekday from March 31 through April 10 (nine days), Jeri Smith-Ready will post a new baseball-style "trading card" on her blog and on all her social networking sites. Each card will feature a different character from This Side of Salvation.
Why 9 days instead of 10? Because a baseball team has 9 players in its starting lineup*, and a baseball game has 9 innings. So each day of the contest will be like one "inning," adding up to an entire game.
Whoever has the most points at the end of the game will win the grand prize! There will also be 9 daily drawings, randomly chosen, so even those who don't rack up tons of points will have a chance to win something.
Each day:
Share that day's trading card ONCE on as many social networking sites as you can. (The first card is now up, here on the blog and on all my social networking sites!)
Fill out the entry form below (or use this link in case it doesn't appear below in your browser) with your email address and direct links to the places you've shared the card.
Do it again the next day with a new card!
Today is the first day and this is the first card:
Good luck all and wait tomorrow for the next one :)


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The Show
The Sham Sharma Show is dedicated to raising a voice for India's indigenous culture. This channel aims to take a humorous look at politics, culture, and pop culture and tries to make sense of things, past the bias and misinformation. The channel strives to debunk bias against India's native culture and campaigns that all cultures and ideas be studied dispassionately and judged on their merits, history, and actions. So if you want India to be represented fairly, but also have some fun and enjoy some memes along the way, Join us!

subset: commoncrawl


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Wikimedia Commons
…I am in blood
Stepped in so far that should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as go o'er.
~ MacBeth, Act III, Sc. 4
Mullah Nasruddin spent a long day traveling by donkey, and by late afternoon was famished and very thirsty.
He met a man selling what looked like juicy, delicious fruit, and paid everything in his purse for the whole basket. Upon closer examination, he realized that he bought not fruit, but hot peppers.
Some miles later, one of his neighbors saw him, choking down one hot pepper after another, eyes streaming and sweat pouring off him.
"Mullah, what are you doing?" the distressed acquaintance asked. "Why are you eating all those hot peppers?"
"I'm not eating hot peppers," the mullah replied; "I'm eating my money."[i]
About halfway through my doctoral studies I came within a whisker of quitting. There just didn't seem to be any point to getting a degree in classical music composition. But I decided to tough it out; since I already had the debt, I might as well get the degree. So I ate my money.
In a way, the degree was only the last pepper in the basket. Ever since childhood, my real loves had been folk and devotional music; I had always preferred "singing with" to "singing to." But for some reason that therapy has not yet been able to ferret out, I was convinced that the music I loved to make was merely avocational—that my true calling was to the more "significant" world of concert music. So without any spectacular talent, by dint of brains and sheer doggedness, I choked down those peppers for a long time.
Of course, if I hadn't finished the degree, I'd never have had 10 years of university teaching work; if I had gone on the road as a folk musician, I'd never have met my splendid wife nor had my wonderful children. So I'm not presuming to know better than whatever karmic forces may or may not have been influencing my life decisions. But I can't help wondering what life would have been like had I listened to the healthy part of my heart rather than the diseased part, and pursued what really made me happy rather than what I had, for some reason, decided was "legitimate." I sometimes think a conversation like this one (from Somerset Maugham's Of Human Bondage), put into musical rather than painting terms, might have been the best thing that could have happened to me:
"You have a certain manual dexterity. With hard work and perseverance there is no reason why you should not become a careful, not incompetent painter. You would find hundreds who painted worse than you, hundreds who painted as well. I see no talent in anything you have shown me. I see industry and intelligence. You will never be anything but mediocre."
Philip obliged himself to answer quite steadily.
"I'm very grateful to you for having taken so much trouble. I can't thank you enough."
Monsieur Foinet got up and made as if to go, but he changed his mind and, stopping, put his hand on Philip's shoulder.
"But if you were to ask me my advice, I should say: take your courage in both hands and try your luck at something else. It sounds very hard, but let me tell you this: I would give all I have in the world if someone had given me that advice when I was your age and I had taken it."
Now, if I were the only one who, having taken a wrong turn, ignored both personal discomfort and external evidence while barreling all the faster down the wrong path, there would be no need for stories like the one I began with. But the sad fact is that Mullah Nasruddin's behavior is more the norm than not.
For example, the U.S. federal government spent over $15 billion dollars in 2010 on the War on Drugs, at a rate of about $500 per second.[ii] After adding that to everything we've spent on this "war" since the Reagan era, you'd think we'd have concluded by now that it wasn't working, and it was time for another approach. But what we do instead? We double down.
When we don't find any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, what do we do? We "stay the course"—for no other reason than fear of what it would say about us if we were to "cut and run" (the only possible interpretation of any alternative to "staying the course"). Why won't politicians depart from, or even revise, their entrenched positions on issues, even in the face of new evidence and changing circumstances? They fear being accused of "flip-flopping," which has apparently been added to the list of Deadly Sins. Has the worldwide uproar over pedophile priests persuaded the Vatican to soften its position on the ordination of women as priests? Don't bet on it. Too much has been invested, and the authority of privileged old men is at stake. The peppers must be eaten.
Remember that scene in Chasing Amy when Alyssa lit into Holden for telling her he was in love with her? She had invested so much into her social identity as a lesbian that a romance with Holden had become unthinkable, even though she wanted one. So to protect herself, she lashed out at him and told him to "go home."
Why is it so hard to change course? Are we in the grip of Stockholm Syndrome to "the devil we know"? We make decisions about ourselves, and our identities harden around them.
Sometimes these decisions are based on "shoulds" and "oughts." For years, I filled my music collection with "classics" I believed that I, as a classically trained musician, "ought" to have in my collection. (Some of them I actually listened to, and still do.) It wasn't until, in the throes of a midlife crisis, I quit my teaching job that I was able to fill a garbage can with CDs I didn't care about and devote myself to the music I actually like.
Screwtape, the senior demon in C.S. Lewis's novel The Screwtape Letters, advised his young nephew Wormwood—an apprentice demon out on his first temptation assignment—about this very tendency in people:
The deepest likings and impulses of any man are the raw material, the starting-point, with which the Enemy has furnished him. To get him away from those is therefore always a point gained…it is always desirable to substitute the standards of the World, or convention, or fashion, for a human's own real likings and dislikings…You should always try to make the patient abandon the people or food or books he really likes in favour of the "best" people, the "right" food, the "important" books.
Even more often, I think, our decisions to ignore the inner promptings of the soul come from fear–which may be part of the reason that Jesus said, "Do not be afraid" more than any other single thing.
"Fear," said Pema Chödrön, "is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth." It almost seems as though we would rather regret having never met ourselves than go through the ordeal of the meeting.
Looking back on a lifetime of regret, the poet Yeats asked:
Does the imagination dwell the most
Upon a woman won or a woman lost?
If on the lost, admit you turned aside
From a great labyrinth out of pride,
Cowardice, some silly over-subtle thought
Or anything called conscience once…[iii]
I think Yeats had it half-right; we turn aside not only from "the labyrinth of another's being," but from the labyrinth of our own. We are made no less uncomfortable through over sharing with ourselves than through someone else's over sharing. Most of us would rather just go on eating the peppers, and invent all manner of silly over-subtle thoughts to justify our inertia.
But it won't do—not if we are to grow into the people God made us to be.
To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.[iv]
Visit Scott at Open to the Divine!
[i] Mullah Nasruddin stories are told all over the Islamic world. I heard this particular one from Ted Richards at a retreat with the New Seminary for Interfaith Studies, where I am studying for ordination as an interfaith minister.
[ii] http://www.drugsense.org/cms/wodclock
[iii] W.B. Yeats, "The Tower"
[iv] Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
Editor: Brianna Bemel


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Breast Augmentation Specialist
Alliance Cosmetic Center
Cosmetic Surgery located in Hainesport, NJ
How would you like to enhance the size and shape of your breasts while also reshaping your body? Chike Obianwu, MD, at Alliance Cosmetic Center has years of experience enlarging women's breasts and helping them slim down at the same time by removing fat from problem areas on their body, then artistically using that fat for breast augmentation. To learn more about the benefits of natural breast augmentation, call the office in Hainesport, New Jersey, or schedule an appointment online.
Breast Augmentation Q & A
What changes are made during breast augmentation?
Breast augmentation is a surgical procedure to increase the size of your breasts. During augmentation, Dr. Obianwu may also change the overall shape of your breasts, improve symmetry when one breast is smaller than the other, and restore breasts back to their normal size or larger following weight loss.
What is natural breast augmentation?
Dr. Obianwu performs natural breast augmentation, which means your breasts are enlarged using fat grafting rather than silicone or saline implants. Since the fat for your augmentation comes from your own body, this procedure targets two goals: It reshapes your body by removing problem areas of fat, while enhancing the size of your breasts.
Natural breast augmentation also gives Dr. Obianwu the ability to fully customize your procedure. Rather than relying on pre-sized implants, he artistically injects the precise amount of fat needed to achieve your desired breast changes.
How is a natural breast augmentation performed?
The first step of breast augmentation is talking with you about the size and shape you envision for your new breasts. This stage is essential to be sure you're happy with your results.
Once Dr. Obianwu has a clear vision of the size and shape you want to achieve, he performs liposuction on your waist, thighs, upper arms, or other problem areas and uses the extracted fat for your breast augmentation.
The doctor performs liposuction using tumescent anesthesia, which means he injects the targeted area with a mixture of water, local anesthesia, and epinephrine to constrict blood vessels. As a result, your pain is eliminated, bleeding is minimized, and the liposuction is easier to perform.
Fat graft
Once your fat is removed, Dr. Obianwu purifies it to remove healthy fat cells from other components. Then the fat is carefully grafted into your breasts using a narrow tube and very small, discreet incisions. Once the fat is in place, it gradually rebuilds a blood supply and becomes a permanent, living part of your breast tissue.
What should I expect after a natural breast augmentation?
After your procedure, your recovery time is about 1-3 days. You'll feel sore, so it's best to rest for a day or two, but you should be able to get back to a moderate level of activity the next day. Swelling and bruising typically go away over the next few weeks, but complete healing usually takes several months.
If you want to enlarge your breasts, call Alliance Cosmetic Center or book an appointment online.


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Squash Blossom Recipe
One of my all-time favorite summer treats is fried squash blossom. I grew up on a small farm in the Midwest, and summers always brought that special evening that happened perhaps two or three times a summer, when my mother served only corn-on-the cob, garden fresh tomatoes—and fried "pumpkin" blossoms (for we did not have anything we call "squash" or "zucchini"!)
She collected the blossoms early in the day, rolled them first in whisked egg and then saltine cracker crumbs before frying them. This created a delicious, crusty kind of blossom. I have adapted this recipe for the California palate:
Like my mother, you will want to collect the blossoms early in the day when they are open. Carefully pinch out the pistol, brushing away any ants (you are not the only one who loves blossoms!) Store the blossoms gently wrapped in paper towels tucked into a plastic bag in the refrigerator for two or three days, or until you have enough to fry up.
When you are ready, break an egg into a saucer and whisk with a fork. Put a small piece of aged Gouda or a great cheddar in the blossom, twist the end of the petals, and roll first in the egg, and then in organic corn meal. Fry in butter, coconut oil, or olive oil until just golden.
This is a delicious and nutritious way to dispatch the offerings of over-productive zucchini plants, which all zucchini seem to become after a month or so of eating sautéed zucchini, stuffed zucchini, zucchini bread, steamed zucchini. (My brother still living in the Midwest describes this as the season that you never leave your car door unlocked in town—unless, of course you want a bag of the surplus!) In fact, fried squash blossoms are my favored way to partake of this plant!


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Fat Brain Toys Squigz 2.0 - 36 piece
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Age : 3 Year+
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They're just like the original Squigz: Push them together to build wiggly, wobbly creations and then pull them apart to hear them POP.
But now, it's not just the limbs that connect - Their newly designed centers connect, too! Plus, wild curves add a clever new twist of character creativity.
Expand your playful sense of curiosity and creativity with Squigz 2.0!


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Architects: GPP Architects, Henning Larsen: Henning Larsen Architects
- Area: 15000 m²
- Year: 2016
Photographs:Hufton+Crow , Virklund Sport , Jens Peter Engedal
Manufacturers: Gamle Mursten, Henning Larsen Design, Rose Eken, Unisport
- Engineers: Niras
- Artist: Grethe Sørensen
- City: Aarhus
- Country: Denmark
Text description provided by the architects. Designed by Henning Larsen Architects and GPP Architects Danish School Building of the Year, Frederiksbjerg School, is the first school in Denmark to meet the demands of the Danish school reform of 2013. The law focuses on learning through movement and sensation as well as openness and community creation. Part of the reform is a demand of a minimum of 45 minutes of movement and activity throughout school hours.
The school is situated in the district of Frederiksbjerg in Aarhus city centre. It is already a gathering point for the children and youth of the local society. Inside the building offers a great variety in space, light and materiality, thus creating an adaptable and sentient learning environment with a focus on health and fellowship. Outside the school adapts to its historical surroundings by means of heights and materiality.
The school houses 900 students, a daycare facility and a youth club, and after school hours the premises can be used for evening classes, courses and sports arranged by local associations and societies. Large terraces and outdoor teaching facilities contribute to the area by bringing the teaching and school life into the cityscape. The outdoor facilities are open around the clock.
Frederiksberg School is organized around a center atrium where the building's four clusters meet and join together. The clusters are built around a shared center-room encouraging various activities and/or quite studies. The 40 activity areas focus on learning through movement and play. These areas are specifically fitted to different age groups and their levels of understanding and motion. The study areas are small niches that create quiet space for individual study.
The school shares public playgrounds and outside areas with the surrounding houses and institutions. The playgrounds are supplemented by big terraces on each floor which work as both learning and playing areas. On the rooftop you find playing fields and areas with furniture where you can sit, relax and enjoy the view. Some of the terraces can in addition be used as outside workshops for the classes. All the terraces are open for the public outside of school opening hours.
Frederiksbjerg School was recently awarded Danish School Building of the Year 2016.
Product Description:
Ad. 1: The facades are made from reused brick of which a large part stem from historical buildings of the neighborhood. Some of the oldest bricks used to form the regional hospital of Aarhus, which was built in the 1880s. Others stem from the former Sct. Annagade School, which was built in 1953 and torn down in 2014 to make space for the new Frederiksbjerg School.
"It takes more for the bricklayers to work with reused brick because of the stone's variety in shape and color. But the extra effort increases by far the value of the building. The façade appears warm and glowing unlike other new-built brick houses," architect Margrete Grøn, Henning Larsen Architects explains.
It is yet rather rare to build projects of such a great scale in reused brick in Denmark, and the construction at Frederiksbjerg did challenge the capacity of the manufacturer "Gamle Mursten" (meaning "Old Bricks") in the process of cleaning the total of 400,000 bricks.
Ad. 3: The graphic design concept has been developed in line with the architectural intention. Graphic designers at Henning Larsen Architects have created the visual identity of the building with the keywords openness, kindness, motion, diversity, play, and learning as a common objective.
The typography, Deyinyl, is the initial key for the remaining parts of all graphics and signs, repeated both in- and outdoors.
The typeface exists in seven selections, with their own unique definition, creating a distinct and clear geometrical expression throughout the building.
By varying all seven typographic selections, the designers have created an expression which is both playful, dynamic and fluid. The colors correspond with the additional elements in the new building, where the color red acts as the primary color. The graphics also supports the main maps, maps of orientation, floorplans and glass markings, lockers and signs on meeting rooms and facades.
Quotes and inspirational words, adapted to the specific course and age level, are likewise implemented on classroom walls and glass. Here the graphics underline and clarify the spatial traits of the different rooms, while communicating academic useful information equal for students and teachers.
Ad. 4: The artistic decorations at Frederiksbjerg School is just as diverse as the school. Sculptures, paintings and artistic installations have been integrated in the building design and placed around the school.
Rosen Eken, the Danish artist who have created most of the art pieces at the school, explains her thoughts about her creations:
"The task was to create both big extensive creations and small almost invisible pieces. I especially loved the idea about creating pieces that you might not notice at first sight."
She has created small goggle-boxes in the walls that you can look through and into a miniature parallel world. The miniature worlds show everyday situations, a birthday party and a motorcycle repair shop.
"I work with everyday objects. It has been important to me that the children can relate to the situations and objects that the pieces present," Rosen Eken states.
Besides the goggle-boxes, Rosen Eken has created some big wall paintings and bronze sculptures, which pictures everyday furniture and elements. E.g. one of the sculptures are an abandoned school bag. The idea is that the art is hard to separate from the reality.


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(Money magazine) -- The ease of investing in a target-date fund doesn't mean you should just set it and forget it.
As discussed in our companion article, The truth behind target date funds, these all-in-one retirement portfolios have a wide variety of strategies, stock bets and costs. So be on the lookout for these three things:
1. You can find yourself taking more risk than you should
Even after the losses of 2008, the three biggest target-date providers -- Fidelity, T. Rowe Price and Vanguard -- have at least half their holdings in equities within a few years of retirement.
None follow the old rule of thumb (promoted by Vanguard founder John Bogle) that you should hold your age in bonds and the rest in equities. That's hardly scientific, but it lines up with what many investors expect.
According to a survey commissioned by the Securities and Exchange Commission, more than half of target-fund owners believe a fund will hold less than 40% in stocks at the target date.
Funds in general may have an incentive to favor equities. If risk usually pays off in better performance, that can make the fund easier to sell. Still, the big providers haven't been pure performance chasers: None swung to big bond stakes after the crash.
The managers of those funds also make a case for equities that isn't so easy to dismiss. With traditional pensions disappearing, the 401(k) has to solve a big problem: how to make a finite -- and, for most Americans, tiny -- nest egg provide a decent income for a possibly very long retirement.
For a mutual fund, the high potential return from equities is the main tool at hand to solve that problem, even if it's a far from perfect one. (What's more, says Jerome Clark, manager of the T. Rowe Price target-date funds, stocks look like an even better value relative to bonds now.)
In designing a target-date fund's "glide path" -- the schedule it follows for gradually reducing its equity stake -- firms typically run simulations to determine the range of possible risk and return, with a focus on finding a strategy that offers you the best chance of not outliving your money. When you focus on that risk of a shortfall, you get a counterintuitive result: Portfolio mixes that are volatile appear safer, and the ones that are less volatile look risky.
This is especially true for people who haven't saved enough or who make big withdrawals at retirement. For example, T. Rowe Price calculates that a retiree who takes out an initial 6% of savings in year one, and then increases that amount annually by the rate of inflation, has less than a 50% chance of making the money last 30 years with 20% in equity and 80% in bonds. Raise the equity exposure to 60%, though, and the chance of the money's lasting rises to over 60%.
The problem is that a riskier portfolio always carries the possibility of a huge loss. Things that don't happen 99% of the time can still happen.
In 2007, Vanguard published research on glide path design showing what a hypothetical target-date fund, with strategies similar to Vanguard's, could do. It declined by an annual 16% or more in 1% of their market performance simulations. The real Vanguard 2010 fund lost 26% from March 2008 through February 2009.
Doesn't investing over decades shelter you from short-term risk? Not necessarily.
Over long time frames the probability of losing money goes down, "but the magnitude of what you can lose increases," explains Moshe Milevsky, professor of finance at York University in Toronto.
Young investors can have more in equities, says Milevsky, because they can offset stock volatility with their "human capital" -- that is, the income they can earn over a career. Once you've stopped working and begin spending assets, you lose some of your ability to simply ride out market volatility. Hitting a bear market early on is especially damaging.
John Ameriks, head of Vanguard's investment counseling and research group, agrees that retirees' falling human capital calls for taking less risk. Still, Social Security is a form of human capital, and your ability to earn doesn't go to zero when you turn 65.
"We're seeing people step out, only to come back in a consulting role," says Ameriks. That's why Vanguard's glide path doesn't hit its lowest risk until 72. Though that makes sense, it also suggests that if you are set on not working, or know you can't, after 65, Vanguard's glide path may be too bullish for you.
Managers of more conservative target-date funds focus on what can happen right around the target. "We're trying to avoid material setbacks closer to retirement," says Jim Lauder, co-manager of the Wells Fargo target series, whose 2015 fund has less than a third of assets in stocks.
Imagine you lose 30% of $1 million as you retire. If you were planning to turn that into an income-producing annuity, your earnings would have fallen from $69,000 a year to $49,000.
What to do: Adjust your aim. No matter what model a target-date manager is using, it's only that: a model. In real life, if your savings are just about enough to produce the income you need, you might want to focus on preserving capital. With a bigger cushion, a pension, or plans to keep working, it could make sense to stay aggressive.
"Target-date funds don't rebalance relative to your goal, just relative to stocks and bonds," says Zvi Bodie, a professor of finance at Boston University who advocates a safety-focused retirement strategy. (He's also a paid speaker for Dimensional Fund Advisors, which sells a competing 401(k) product.)
The 2008 crash provided a vivid example of how hard a target-date fund can fall. So check how a fund for people five years older than you did in 2008. That's roughly what you could expect to experience if the same thing happened today.
Ask yourself if that's a loss you could handle -- both psychologically and in terms of your plans. If the risk seems too great, scale back: Buy a more conservative target-date fund in your plan -- one with an earlier retirement date in its name -- or add a bond fund to your portfolio.
2. Although there's a variety of investing strategies, you usually get one choice
Even among the target-date managers who think retirees can bear a fair amount of market risk, there's a wide variety of glide paths.
T. Rowe Price holds about 64% in stocks near retirement; Fidelity is closer to 50%.
Differences become even more pronounced later. The Vanguard glide path settles down to 30% seven years after retirement, but T. Rowe Price doesn't get to that point for 20 years, and then keeps cutting back on stocks until hitting 20% at the 30-year mark.
In a few decades you'll know who made the smartest bet. But the bet you end up making will depend on which funds your company uses in its plan, notes Boston College economist Pierluigi Balduzzi, who has studied the funds.
As a result of the hearings that followed the 2008 crash, the SEC and the Labor Department have proposed rules to require target-date funds to spell out the risk they are taking. Yet the whole point of target-date funds is that they are supposed to make decision-making easier by narrowing your options to one choice.
Asked if it might make sense to buy a fund with an earlier target date if you want less risk, T. Rowe Price's Clark says it would, but that he doesn't see it happening often. "Most folks don't know what their risk tolerance is, and most are not going to take the action because of inertia," he says. "Throw in one decision and you may lose them."
What to do: Take back the wheel. In your early and mid-career, going on autopilot with whatever your company offers can work out fine. Most target-date funds have a similar high-equity strategy for young investors. With many years of 401(k) contributions ahead, you can recover from even large market dips.
Late in your career, though, you need a real financial plan. Robert Pozen, a former president of Fidelity's fund-management group, has argued that all these precisely plotted glide paths may suggest to investors that target-date funds are more sophisticated and customized than they really are.
He'd rather see investors defaulted into a 60% stock/40% bond balanced fund, and then encouraged to decide based on their own situations how much to hold in stocks late in their careers.
"You have to make one important financial decision in your entire life, and that's between the ages of 50 and 60," says Pozen. You can consult a financial planner for this, or your company may offer an advice service or tools that can help.
For example, Financial Engines provides 401(k) plans with sophisticated online simulators that show the effects of different portfolio mixes, savings rate, and retirement dates. If your company doesn't offer such a service, you can pay $39 for three months of access at financialengines.com.
3. High costs can wipe out any edge you get from a pro tinkering with your mix
For all of the fund industry's talk about behavioral blind spots, most of the business has been silent on another common investment error: the belief that you can easily find managers who can beat the market.
Some target-date funds -- most notably Vanguard's -- use just three or four index funds. Many others seek an edge by combining a number of the firm's own actively managed funds.
Fidelity, for example, owns 23 other Fidelity funds in its 2020 target portfolio. That's partly because it offers more asset classes, such as commodities and real estate. It also has 10 U.S. stock funds, nine of which are actively managed.
Fidelity's managers say that having so many funds means they can find the best ideas within each distinct slice of the market. But it's tough enough to find one market-beating manager, much less nine.
Smaller firms are becoming even more complex. Putnam's target-date lineup, which is conservative, with a low exposure to stocks, takes an exotic turn by investing in so-called absolute-return funds, which can invest in almost anything, including bets on a stock to decline.
There's a chance such strategies could improve performance. (Christopher Davis, an analyst at Morningstar, says it's not easy to tell which target-date managers are adding value, in part because of funds' differing glide paths.)
It's a sure bet, however, that active strategies will add costs. Vanguard's indexed offerings charge management fees of 0.18% a year; T. Rowe Price and the main Fidelity Freedom series cost about 0.7%. Some of the smaller fund groups cost 1% or more.
Sounds small, but a study by Towers Watson found that for an 8% saver earning $75,000 a year, the lifetime difference between a 0.2% and a 1% target-date fund could add up to almost nine years of retirement income.
The target-date business exists very much under the umbrella of government. You can invest outside a 401(k), but the tax and employer-matching incentives mean you'd probably be crazy not to contribute.
Given that and Uncle Sam's willingness to bless target funds as default investments, why not go further and say that the funds should resemble, say, the low-cost plan federal workers get?
Rep. George Miller (D-Calif.) has proposed requiring plans to offer at least one index fund. But in general, lawmakers and regulators have been reluctant to single out index funds or cheap funds as better.
"I don't think it's appropriate for the government to substitute for the judgment of the fiduciary [the employer]," says Bradford Campbell, a former deputy secretary of labor who helped craft the default rules.
What to do: Build a cheaper model. Constructing your own portfolio of a stock fund, a bond fund, and an international fund can be worth the trouble if your plan offers an actively managed target fund charging 0.7% a year and a menu of index funds at 0.2%.
And don't get hung up on a fancy glide path. A 2008 study by researchers at the Boston College Center for Retirement Research found that paying an extra 0.2% in fees wiped out the advantage of having an optimal glide path, vs. holding the same mix all along.
You have other weapons -- use them
Target-date funds are an improvement over the pick-your-poison mess that the 401(k) used to be.
Still, it's an awkward world: The choices aren't quite yours, but all the risks are.
One thing you can do is make sure that your success doesn't rest only on asset allocation. As Stuart Ritter, a senior financial planner at T. Rowe Price points out, the amount you save is one of the biggest determinants of retirement success.
Critics of aggressive target-date funds say investors should focus on saving more, not on late-in-the-game stock bets.
"To say you didn't save enough and therefore you have to take more risk, it doesn't follow," says Joe Nagengast of Target Date Analytics, a firm that sells its own glide paths for custom 401(k) plans.
But at T. Rowe Price, at least, the thinking is that most people will live with some market risk.
"I've yet to hear someone say, 'I got out of the stock market and doubled the amount I'm saving, so my wife and I never go on any vacations,' " says Ritter.
He's right. The choices are hard. They're also, much more than any glide path, what a real financial plan is about.
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Stream Tory Lanez' Album 'Love Me Now?'
Seven months after his sophomore album Memories Don't Die, Tory Lanez delivers his third studio album Love Me Now?
Boasting 15 tracks, the star-studded set features an A-list cast including Meek Mill, Trippie Redd, NAV, Bryson Tiller, 2 Chainz, Lil Baby, A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie, PnB Rock, Rich the Kid, and Chris Brown, who pops up twice on "DucK my Ex" and "FlEXiBle."
"My whole thing was just trying to dive into everybody's different lane and just try and be diverse with the features, like making sure the features weren't all like Atlanta-based," Tory told Beats 1. "I wanted to make sure that everybody was from everywhere, and that it was just an all around collaborative project. It's more like a mixtape to me, to be honest with you."
Stream Love Me Now? below and look out for Tory's Spanish album El Agua featuring Nicky Jam, Farruko, and Ozuna ("Pa Mí").


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For most of my life, I have not played Pokémon games, and I've been fine with that. Like a lot of people my age, I was swept up in Pokémania and loved Red/Blue and later, Gold/Silver, but after that, I just sort of moved on. Pokémon was my gateway to the wider world of Japanese role-playing games like Final Fantasy, and I kept branching out with very little desire to return. But for the first time in nearly 20 years, I'm thinking about going back to Pokémon, almost entirely because my friends won't shut up about it.
It has been truly funny to see the number of group chats and DMs I'm in slowly give in to Pokémon talk as almost everyone I talk to regularly gets hyped for Pokémon Sword and Shield this weekend. This includes friends of mine who don't really game much. If I had to guess why, I'd say it's because the success of the Nintendo Switch has lured them back into video games, leaving them perfectly primed for Pokémon nostalgia.
While I liked Pokémon plenty as a kid, I'm not particularly wistful for a return, mostly because the monster-collecting video game itch is better scratched for me by games like Persona. I prefer the stronger focus on narrative and character those games bring, and don't really see myself going back to the looser, cheery good-times vibe of Pokémon.
But still: It's all my friends are talking about. Because of this, I am considering letting myself be peer pressured into buying this damn game. I like talking to these people, and I like watching them all gush over weird little monsters shaped like teapots or whatever.
I also think of Pokémon like sports. While I would love to keep up with them, I don't really have the time to watch football three days a week. I can, however, dip in every once in a while, enjoy a game, and ask folks about how they feel this season, all while eating their snacks. Football is just the framework—dynamic and exciting from moment to moment but also largely built around a familiar structure that doesn't really change. You can come and go as you please, be as invested as you have time for. It's there for a community to form around.
So yeah: I don't think I have it in me to make it to the end of a new Pokémon game, and I definitely am not interested in Catching Them All. But I do want to hang out with people I like, hear how delighted they are by their squad of fuzzy monsters, maybe trade or battle them or whatever you do in those games these days. The bunny looks cute. Maybe I'll pick him.


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If you are planning an Orlando vacation for 2012, you will see a few signs of construction in each of the major theme parks. Each park has announced major and ongoing projects that are designed to enhance your experience. Depending on when you travel, you may see the work in progress–or enjoy the finished product.
New Orlando theme park attractions for 2012 include:
Disney World:
- Fantasyland expansion: One of the largest overhauls in Disney's history is underway in the Magic Kingdom, as Fantasyland gets an expansion and plenty of new attractions.
- Exotic Automobiles: The Richard Petty Driving Experience recently added a select group of new, exotic cars to its lineup, including a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche.
- Splitsville (pictured above): Downtown Disney will be home to a brand new bowling and entertainment emporium, with two stories of lanes and a retro theme.
Universal Orlando:
- More Harry Potter: Universal announced an expansion of the wildly popular Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Expect to see construction if you travel towards the end of the year.
- Minions!: Construction is well underway for the new Despicable Me attraction, visit now and you'll spot the framework for Gru's house going up outside.
Sea World:
- Turtle Trek & Antarctica: The biggest expansion in the park's history is underway, with a new 3d, domed attraction that features sea turtles and manatees, and Antarctica, a dip into the chilly waters for a penguin's eye view of the world. This construction zone is right in the middle of the park, so you won't be able to miss it; expect the new attractions to open by 2013. More details on these new arrivals here.
In many cases, the construction will cause a delay in foot traffic passing the area, some minor noise and a lot of curiosity about what's going on behind the walls. Some lucky guests may walk into a soft opening or two (a chance to test ride the attraction before it officially debuts) later this year.
By Samantha McNesby for Orlando Vacations


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1 testimonial for The Works of Andrew Fuller
Andrew Fuller was a dynamic theological, writing and pastor/preacher. I have this huge volume (one of the biggest books I own), and every time I read Andrew Fuller I am refreshed. There is a vividness to his style and a passion in his writings. Highly recommended.


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Reuters API
Mar 23, 2020
Coronavirus threatens retail jobs, Indian retailers see revenue hit
Reuters API
Mar 23, 2020
The coronavirus pandemic amid an economic slowdown has hit revenue at Indian retailers selling non essential items like clothes and jewellery by 75 percent so far and is likely to cause widespread job losses, an industry body said on Monday.
About 40 percent of the six million employees working in India's modern, rather than traditional, retail sector could likely lose their jobs in the next four months if the government does not intervene, Kumar Rajgopalan, chief executive, Retailers Association of India (RAI), told Reuters.
"Unless the government provides some relief, revenues will slide by 90% in the next six months," Rajgopalan said, suggesting moratoriums on the payment of loans, and on the payments of the goods and services tax (GST) and other government duties.
The RAI represents 500,000 stores in India, including brands like V-Mart , Shopper's Stop , Future Group and Avenue Supermarts , which operates the grocery chain D-Mart.
On Sunday, Future Retail, which owns hypermarket Big Bazaar, said the pandemic, has resulted in a "degrowth of revenue".
"The expected impact of Covid-19 as of now is hard to ascertain," it said in a filing to the exchanges on Sunday.
India has registered 341 cases of coronavirus, with seven deaths as of Sunday. Experts have warned the rate of increase in cases in India mirrors those seen in the early stages of outbreaks in other countries, which then went on to see rapid growth.
Gurgaon-based fashion retailer V-Mart Retailer has seen a 30% fall in revenue in the week of March 15-21 due to store closures. The retailer has shut about 116 of its 265 stores as of Saturday.
"Manpower costs are fixed, we are trying to support our staff at least for the next 45 days," said Lalit Agarwal, managing director,V-Mart Retail.
Aditya Birla Fashion and Retail said on Monday that business had been significantly affected without specifying the impact of the pandemic.
In India, the virus threatens an economy that was already hit by a slowdown in consumption that has bruised demand for everything from cars to clothes to chocolates.
The virus, which originated in China, has infected nearly 200,000 people worldwide, forced countries into lockdown and fear over its impact on global economy has sent world financial markets crumbling.
© Thomson Reuters 2023 All rights reserved.


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Chicago, IL
Shannon M. Shepherd practices in the firm's Chicago office and handles all types of immigration matters. Shannon has extensive experience with a broad range of immigration issues including Deportation and Removal proceedings, Employment-based petitions for immigrant visas and for non-immigrant E-2, L-1 and H-1B applicants, family-based immigrant petitions, and Naturalization and Derivative Citizenship claims. Shannon has also argued numerous immigration cases before the U.S. Courts of Appeals for the Seventh, Eighth, and Eleventh Circuits, and she has experience in appellate practice at the State, Board of Immigration Appeals, and Federal level. She is a frequent speaker at continuing legal education programs for the ISBA and AILA. She also has published several articles in the ISBA's International and Immigration Law Section Newsletter, The Globe, and has been featured on local TV and radio outlets.
"…Intelligence and effort are evenly distributed throughout the world, but opportunity is not." –Fmr. President William Clinton


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*This post originally appeared on Essential Kids
I'd like to bring to your attention this window display as just one example of the shit messages our girls are bombarded with every single day.
You see, I was shopping with my three girls today when we walked past this sign. They're seven, nine and nearly 11. They read the sign and were more excited about the pool tubes. They had no clue about the sexual undertone of 'slippery when wet'. I did not explain it to them either.
But my blood boiled. It's school holidays and the shopping mall is full of teens hanging out. And this is what they see.
Here are three young women in swimsuits, pouting sexily, with their legs and arms wrapped around each other and the words "slippery when wet" emblazoned across the image.
It makes me sick to my stomach.
I wonder if the models in the ad campaign were told this message would be emblazoned over their image? If that was my kid, I'd be fuming.
"Slippery when wet" Oh yeah, sure the business will claim it's about summer and girls playing in the pool in their bathers.
Yeah right.
I can't even politely form arguments presenting my case as to why I've had enough of seeing these types of images.
I vow to continue using my voice to call out the sexualisation of young women.
No wonder we continue to find ourselves in situations what is going on in Hollywood at the moment. Men who have grown up thinking women are just their play things. Men who honestly believe that sex is a woman's only real worth. They've been bombarded with these images their whole life too. Men who think it's their right to force themselves on young women, and friends and co-workers who still to this day think it's ok to say nothing.
Bravo to the women who have so bravely come forward, so many who waited decades in silence, shamefully hiding their experience. For so long they were made to believe they should be ashamed.
"Don't speak up girls, you'll be painted as 'difficult'. Your career will be in ruins. Stay silent, it's better in the long run."
No, they should be angry. They should be loud. This should have been stopped years ago. The shroud of secrecy made many people, lots of money.
You know what, I refuse to stay silent. I will keep speaking up for women and girls everywhere.
And today, I'm speaking up about images and words like this abhorrent, sexist, damaging window display.
"Slippery when wet." What a joke.
Girls are not there for your eye candy. Girls are worth more than this advertising.
My girls, these girls in the image, and the girls walking past this display are worth more than this.
It might seem like something minor, something ridiculous to get fired up about. Another hysterical woman on the Internet just getting outraged for outrage sake. But it's not, I'm not.
It's a build up over time. It chips away at you.
It's every 'little' moment girls are sexualised in this way which makes them believe that that's what their worth in society is. We'll, it's not. Girls are worth a hell of a lot more than just being sexual playthings.
It's time they were treated with more respect. It's time more women, and more good men, in advertising spoke up against these types of campaigns and it's time more men in advertising with these outdated attitudes shut their mouth.
Speak up people, let's all vow to drown out the assholes.
The tide is turning girls. The tide is turning.


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Covering just 6% of the planet's land surface, wetlands store 10% to 20% of its terrestrial carbon, a report in Science Daily said.
But rising temperatures are speeding rates of decomposition of trapped organic material and threatening critical sources of wetlands recharge by melting glaciers and reducing precipitation, it added.
"Humanity in many parts of the world needs a wake-up call to fully appreciate the vital environmental, social and economic services wetlands provide — absorbing and holding carbon, moderating water levels, supporting biodiversity and countless others," said Paulo Teixeira, co-chair of the conference in the city of Cuiaba, on the edge of Pantanal, the world's largest area of wetlands.
See full story


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FirstMate Dog
We are super stoked to have FirstMate onboard (pun intended). Similar to us they are a Vancouver based company. They are a family-owned and operated manufacturer and have full control over the quality of ingredients and manufacturing procedures. A pretty cool thing to note is that they were the first Grain Free option back in 1995! Naturally Urban is pleased to deliver FirstMate dog food to all our customers.


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All About Laser Vein Removal Aftercare
Important Facts About Laser Vein Removal Aftercare
These days the term "anti-aging" is practically a household word as more and more products and procedures slow and even reverse the aging process. From skin care products to injections, there is something for anyone wanting to erase the tell-tale signs of growing older.
While wrinkling and photoaging are two of the most common complaints, vascular skin conditions are an embarrassing problem, too. Spider veins and broken capillaries on the face and legs, as well as varicose veins, can be hard to camouflage. Many women feel they have to give up wearing fashionable dresses and shorts for good. Fortunately, that's not the case, as you'll soon discover.
What Causes Vascular Problems?
In some instances, there are steps you can take to prevent vein problems. Limiting sun exposure and watching your weight are two ways you can greatly reduce your risk of spider veins. However, problems caused by hormonal changes during pregnancy and menopause, and your genetic disposition, are incidences you have little control over.
Vein Removal Treatments
Unsightly and painful veins can be removed by a variety of treatments. Vein stripping is a surgical procedure used for large, corded, bluish varicose veins sometimes seen in the legs. These veins can cause tremendous leg pain and fatigue.
During surgical removal, a physician makes incisions in the leg and "strips" or pulls out the vein. Soon after surgery, you'll need to walk around to encourage proper blood flow. Most likely you'll be given pain medication afterward and then need to return for follow visits. Your doctor will check your wounds and blood flow. Pressure stockings are a part of the recovery process as they help prevent swelling and bleeding in the legs.
For spider veins, sclerotherapy is one option. In this procedure, a salinate chemical is injected into the veins. This chemical irritates the walls of the vessel causing it to collapse. After some time, the vein becomes scar tissue and the body reabsorbs it. The affected veins virtually disappear.
After the procedure, the area is often red and swollen and slight bruising may be apparent for a few weeks. Tensor bandages or compression stockings may be necessary for several days.
Laser vein removal incorporates laser technology to provide a safe, effective, and non-surgical solution to spider and varicose veins. Rather than invading the skin to reach the vessel, the laser targets only the vessel while bypassing the skin. Pulses of light emitted by the laser are absorbed by hemoglobin in the blood. This causes the vessel to clot or coagulate and is later absorbed by the body. Side effects such as discoloration and ulceration are greatly diminished with the latest in laser technology.
Laser Vein Removal Aftercare
With laser vein removal, rapid healing with minimal side effects can be expected. Some patients experience reddening of the skin, bruising, and occasionally blisters. These conditions are temporary and subside over a couple of weeks to a couple of months. After treatment, sun exposure should be limited to short periods of time with a sunscreen.
It's not a painful procedure and is often described as feeling like snaps of a rubber band. Valium may be prescribed to make you more comfortable.
If you're looking for an answer to your spider or varicose vein problems, Vivia Center can help. With our laser vein removal treatments, you can expect marked improvement (sometimes up to 70%) after one to two treatments on the face and three to four treatments on the legs. Contact us to set up your appointment today.
Vivia Center offers skin care treatments covering a wide range of needs utilizing the latest technologies, giving patients a superior service from a medical team they know and trust.
Enjoyed this blog? You may also be interested in https://viviacenter.com/summer-skin/.


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Ideas For Parents Working From Home That Will Keep Kids Busy & Having Fun
Working from home can be stressful, having kids doesnlt make it any easier. Here are 3 activities to keep them occupied.
Cosmic Kids Yoga
This revolutionary virtual yoga class for kids has countless episodes on YouTube. It is a place for yoga stories and fun. The instructor Jamie makes yoga and mindfulness fun for kids. She uses creative stories told through yoga poses to engage kids.
Each episode has a theme like Star Wars or Trolls for example. It is healthy 21st screen time for kids. Join now to be a part of the millions of kids, who are already loving their Cosmic Kid Adventure! Click here.
Play To Learn Preschool
Everyone likes to have a sense of normalcy. Having a routine plays a key part in child development. In uncertain times like these, it can be challenging.
Play To Learn Preschool offers videos on Facebook and circle time weekdays at 11am. It keeps kids engaged and circle time is something to look forward it. It also gives you time to catch up on work.
They have new topics every day and believe preschool should be a fun and magical time. Come join circle time today!
ABCMouse is providing free access to its learning software to kids. It is a great program to help kids learn from home. They take pride in making their activities interesting and engaging.
Their program is easily accessible. It is available on your phone, computer, and tablet. Click here to help give your child a jump start on learning!


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Anyone with a sense of history has probably been struck by the remarkably skewed nature of the current national discussion (as reflected in the presidential contest) on energy and the environment. At last night's second presidential debate, there was a very extended discussion of the two candidates' positions on oil and gas exploration and coal-fired utilities. Romney looked for a while like he was going to stake the entire election on a personal nose-to-nose confrontation with Obama over how many permits the administration issued for exploitation of public lands and waters by oil companies.
Yet the word "environment" came up exactly once, when Obama suggested it was possible to greatly expand natural gas production "in an environmentally sound way." That was it. And as Grist's Lisa Hymas ruefully noted in a summary of the debate:
Romney also took some knocks straight from Obama — but, depressingly, most of them consisted of the president defending fossil-fuel development.
Four years ago the Republican presidential candidate had been one of Washington's most active legislators on climate change (though he was subsequently forced to retreat from much of his own legislation). Now not only are climate change and greenhouse gas emissions more or less forbidden subjects in the presidential contest, but environmental concerns that have been fully bipartisan for decades are going unmentioned.
Yes, of course, some of this change reflects a bad economy (though this is not the first serious U.S. recession since Earth Day, and we've never had anything like the current total eclipse of environmental issues). Some of it has to do with swing-state and swing-voter targeting, and the belief (apparently strong in both campaigns) that the identity of the next president depends on people living in coal-dependent southeastern Ohio or southwestern Virginia, or on auto workers used to viewing "environmentalists" as the enemy. It's notable that Obama's big "green" gesture last night was also swing-state-dictated: a shout-out to a wind energy tax credit that's very popular in Iowa, and that Romney has opposed.
And a lot of the change in–if you'll excuse the term–"the environment" simply flows from the dramatically rapid radicalization of the Republican Party on this entire cluster of subjects, which comes from a lot of directions (corporate pressure, hatred of scientific elites, Christian Right "dominion over the earth" enthusiasts, etc.).
It's still shocking, though, and the best example we have of the hard-core Right just taking a previously unavoidable issue right off the table, precisely when it most needs to be discussed.


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I have sold a property at 84 678 CITADEL DR in Port Coquitlam.
Well cared lovely unit at the popular Citadel Point Townhome complex. Over 2700 SQFT of luxurious living with bedrooms big enough to accommodate house sized furnitures. 9 foot ceilings on the main with crown mouldings. Large kitchen with lots of cabinet spaces, S/S appliances, spacious eating area perfect for entertaining. Sliders from family room leads to your back yard and a large cement patio. 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms up. Recreation and bonus den/bedroom below. This upscale gated property won't disappoint. Air conditioning included!


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We've been here in sunny, drought-ridden California for well over a year now and it really has been a pretty easy transition seeing as we speak the same language and are into a lot of the same things – the sea, food and wine, exploring the outdoors, The Big Bang Theory and Psych. And the language is really pretty minor in the scheme of things, although a new American friend of mine agonized (note that US spelling?) when we first arrived over my ability to make myself understood here and not fall into lots of embarrassing situations. This hasn't been a problem at all but there are times when I want to bellow in sheer frustration when faced with certain language misunderstandings.
The main one, I guess is that everyone who sees my name spelt, calls me Gill with the hard g, as in gorilla. Sometimes these are people who I feel like I've formed some kind of connection with and when they finish our nice conversation with a, "Great to talk to you, Gill" as in gorilla, it's all a bit disappointing really. As well as pronouncing my name incorrectly, those who have only had electronic communication with me also assume I am a man as in Gil. So there's that too. There's a moment's startled silence when I introduce myself on the phone, after emails have been exchanged.
The hardest times are when I am on the phone with the bank or AT & T and I am forced to put on a bad American accent just to jump through the usual hoops of: "Do you want to talk to someone about billing, say billing, or to customer service, say customer service etc. And I say: Customer service," using every conceivable syllable, even with a follow up word like "Yes" which can easily have three syllables here. I often have to press zero and talk to a real person in the end.
Other words used here, which just really push my buttons, are the ways Americans pronounce "buoy" (that thing that bobs in the sea)- they say booey and it sounds absolutely ridiculous. I listened to a radio interview the other day and they must have said the word about 20 times. I nearly drove off the road with frustration.
Another word they use here is, instead of: "We will put you in the draw for a $50,0000 prize," they say "drawing. We will put you in the drawing. I realise that I may not be grammatically right but that just sounds so wrong.
Now I wouldn't want this to be a complete downer. There are lots of words I like here. I like the way my teen says "Anyways" instead of anyway and it seems to take the edge off when the kids call each other "ass (as in donkey) hole". My 14 year old now uses "oftentimes" regularly which is so lovely and old-fashioned sounding I think. And I really enjoy ringing up my hairdresser and saying: "Could I have my bangs (fringe) trimmed please." So Little House on the Prairie, isn't it?
And the nice thing is when Californians find out that I am from New Zealand, they beam from ear to ear and say they REALLY want to go there. I usually counter with: "Well, it's just a direct 13 hour flight with Air New Zealand, just go ahead and book it."
They tend to look a bit nonplussed at this, as if I've accused them of sheer laziness and ineptitude and am questioning their keenness. I don't mean to, I just want them to understand it's very easily done, much less of a schlepp than the trip to Oz, so just do it, as Nike would say. Oh yeah, some people here say Nike as in rhymes with Mike instead of Nikey. That's weird.


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Balancing relationships and horses is not an easy task for anyone. Not everyone is okay with being ditched for a 1,200lb animal that is scared of plastic bags. I have been lucky enough to have found a boyfriend that is incredibly supportive of me and my riding, but I know others haven't been so lucky.
For some, their significant other (SO) is the hobbiest-horse-liker. This type of SO will come out to the barn with you, on their terms. A little too cold, a little too hot, too many flies, the list of excuses grows longer and longer over time. Do not get me wrong, they still will come out to hang out with you or do some simple tasks. While this seems okay to some, I challange you to put this type of SO to the ultimate test… a horse show. If you do try this, let me know how it goes by DMing me on my instagram @equestrian.syd!
Another type is the good sport type. This type of SO will do what they are asked or come to the barn if you want them to. Typically their tasks include taking videos or setting back up a fallen jump rail. Basic things like holding a horse, if they feel comfortable, is also in their job description. They earn the title of good sport because they do the tasks but don't really have any interest in learning more. But don't fret, significant others of this type have tons of potential to be really awesome barn boyfriends! Fun fact: my boyfriend started as a good sport type too.
Last but certainly not least, there is the all-in type. The person who gets up at an ungodly hour with you to go to the horse show. The person who supports your passion full heartedly because it is what makes you happy. If you stumble upon this type, keep them around, they are special! Even though they may not be able to make it everytime (remember, they have lives too) they support you no matter what. Whether it is shining your boots, walking courses with you, or giving some cookies to your pony while you are away.
I have been blessed with a pretty darn good barn boyfriend. He never misses an oppurtunity to grow his knowlage about horses or the sport by asking questions. My horse is also Drew's #2 fan (behind me of course). Maybe it's because he is known as "Drew The Treat Man" but it's also because he takes time out of his day to spend time with me and her. His support of my riding makes me even more grateful for the oppurtunities that I get to spend time with them together. Drew is a competitive lacrosse player as well has having other hobbies like mountain biking and running. While I can't really run and would probably hit a tree if I tried to mountain bike, I still make sure he is safe and always having fun. Because he supports me and my passion, I support him in his. This basic principle helps making the balance of sport & relationship much smoother and happier.
Although it may seem as though I wrote this article just to brag, that is not my intention. My intention is to show that having a relationship and being passionate about horses is not impossible. Our 1200lb, money-eaters should not drive people away, if they are scared to love a person that is strong and passionate about something, keep on searching. It took me a couple tries too 😉
I hope y'all enjoyed this post over barn boyfriends! I hope y'all enjoyed and if you have any questions feel free to DM me on instagram @equestrian.syd!
Until Next Time Preps,
Sydney & The Ponies
p.s. HUGE shout out to Drew for being such a team player and posing for these photos without a single complaint. I know I can be a little bit bossy to get the shot I have in my mind so putting up with me can be hard. Much love xoxo


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As gay men, we all feel it from time to time. We go to a theme park and see the seemingly benevolent young father (OK, a "DILF"). We see the interaction between father and son, or father and daughter, and there is a pang in your heart in recognizing the fact that he has something in his life that you don't yet — and might not ever have. Or, you see a picture of you with your father, or your father with your grandfather — or even great-grandfather and so on — and that pang comes back. You think about getting older — maybe occasionally of not being here anymore — and wonder what you will leave behind, like so many fathers before you in your own family line. And there's the pang again.The furter I've gone into middle age, the more I've felt that pang of part-sociology and part-biology that is being a father. My husband and I have made our decision — carefully, and with discussion — to not have children. But just like lesbians might have the maternal instinct to deal with, we gay men have the paternal instinct. We might not want to have sex with women to make babies, but many of us occasionally want to have babies, however they come about. This is because sexual orientation and the maternal/paternal instinct live on related, but parallel lines of identity and existence. Mother Nature is a clever gal, if perhaps a bit mischievous. Our desire to procreate with women is gone, and was never there, but the paternal instinct lives on. How amusing. It also kind of sucks, because we can easily feel conflicted and, just like women, feel our "biological clock" ticking. While I know many gay men who have found ways to procreate, for many — even most — of us gay men, we're going to go through this lifetime, and complete it, without having children of our own. Great; as if we needed one more thing to come to terms with in midlife, but cope we must.In the absence of having children, perhaps even unconsciously, we seek substitutes, particularly if we are partnered or married, but even as single people. The twink who bumped shoulders with you at the bar last weekend may be sweet and slim and ready to let you be the boss, but he's not it. For one thing, he's already an adult, so the "daddy" deal is really just a sexual archetype role-model. He may be fun, but it's fun in a whole different way from the love of a child of your own. While there may be good reasons to decide not to pursue having a child, there are several ways to at least partially satisfy the intense, primal, paternal instinct. As perhaps imperfect as they are, they are coping strategies, and sometimes incremental gain is progress. There are ways to cope with the paternal instinct, some that include children, and some that don't: For examples:
1. Getting a pet. No, seriously, many people (straights do it, too) opt for the simpler satisfaction of caregiving for another by getting a dog or cat, or even a more exotic pet. Good animal shelters (like www.petfinder.com) will want to check you out by giving a thorough pet adoption application to fill out; some may even require a home visit to see if you and/or your partner/spouse pass the test. Welcome that; it means the shelter cares about your future buddy and they can teach you a lot about how to make this work well for everyone involved. If you or your partner want a designer breed, make sure you're dealing with an ethical breeder so you don't take home a new friend with deformities or other health issues, or are contributing to the social scourge of "puppy mills". Before you pick your furry friend, think about what you're really looking for, and what you're willing to commit to for the life of the animal. Do you want something small and warm to snuggle with on the couch, or are you looking for an enthusiastic partner for your morning run? Usually, pet rescue organizations love gay male couples because, in general, gay men tend to spoil their pets, and that's exactly what the adoption services are looking for.
2. Mentoring a youth. If you're not prepared to add a child to your household permanently, you can pretty easily find a child who needs a friend. Big Brothers Big Sisters not only allows openly gay men and lesbians to participate, but has told balky affiliates to get with the national policy. You'll be matched up with the child of a single parent, with the approval of the parent and can finally go see Frozen as many times as both they and you like without feeling like a dork.
3. Adopting. OK, so maybe it's not a pet or a youth support program. Maybe, after careful discussion and planning, you go for it and work toward the day you envision a cuddly, pink infant being placed in your arms by a grateful mom who needs someone to adopt. It's a nice visual, but the reality is that you'll have much better luck in the adoption process if you are willing to consider various scenarios: a mixed-race baby, one with some health issues or special needs, an older child whose life hasn't been all sunshine, a child from another country in upheaval. These kids are not "leftovers" or second-best. They are as perfect as any other child. What they need is a dad with enough heart, smarts and courage (Easter-egg shout-out to my friends who know my "Oz" obsessions) to help them enjoy the life they deserve. Adoption by gay parents is legal now in most states in the U.S., although there are variables (some allow only singles to adopt, for example). If you're in a stable relationship, check into second-parent adoptions, which allow both you and your partner to become the child's legal guardian. In states with full marriage equality, the process is easier. (For a great book on gay men adopting, see my friend and colleague Tony Zimbardi, Psy.D., MFT, and his book, Forever Dads).
4. Surrogacy. It's becoming increasingly popular to pass on your genes through surrogate pregnancy. If you don't have a female friend willing to do it for love, you can pay for a surrogate to carry your child. Costs can run up to $150,000, including the woman's compensation, agency fees, costs for insurance, legal fees, maternity clothes, travel expenses, etc. Surrogacy is not legal in all states, so check out your state's rules.
5. Adult Mentoring. My personal favorite of all these, I mentor adults in several ways. I teach graduate students in the University of Southern California (USC) School of Social Work to do what I do (the practice of clinical/psychiatric social work, psychotherapy, coaching, and social activism). I also offer counseling and life/business/financial coaching for young adult gay men, particularly creative professionals (actors, writers, designers, singers, dancers, models) in the crazy life of "Hollywood". I have a long history of providing clinical supervision in non-profit organizations and in my office, mentoring clinical associates who work with their own clients, under my supervision, in my office on the weekends. You might consider other kinds of teaching, providing training, or even just having an "open-door policy" with associates in your office to give them career guidance whenever they need it. It's a rewarding opportunity to support someone's growth, just as others helped you (or you wish they had) when you were young.
So, if you're struggling in any way with your paternal instincts, especially at midlife, give these options some thought. If your paternal instinct is marred by problems or traumatic memories — including abuse — in your relationship with your own father (or mother), consider therapy that focuses on this so that you can separate, once and for all, the good from the bad. It's only natural for you to have at least occasional feelings about paternity, and it's also OK if you don't have these feelings, and you shouldn't feel guilty about either. As I describe in my book, self-empowerment means being an adult male who can make his own decisions, for your life, and for the lives you touch.
For help with your own feelings about this, or any other important topic in your life, call me at 310-339-5778 or email firstname.lastname@example.com for more information or to book an appointment.
Ken Howard, LCSW is a gay, poz (29 years), sex-positive, LGBT-affirmative, licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist who has specialized almost exclusively in working with gay male individuals and couples for over 27 years. He provides counseling, psychotherapy, or coaching sessions in his office in Los Angeles (near Beverly Center), or via phone or via Skype, nationally and world-wide. Ken is available Monday through Friday, including evenings, and associate clinicians are available on Saturdays/Sundays. Your referrals are always welcome.