text:
'Coolest job' includes building community by Jamila Bey
(Atheist journalist Jamila Bey spoke to attendees at FFRF's 36th annual convention. The speech was edited for print.) Photography by Brent Nicastro.
Thank you one and all for coming. Thank you for the work you do. Thank you for showing up and showing up the fact that we heathens exist, that we enjoy community and we come together.
I'm a journalist and reporter and a radio show host in Washington, D.C. I've been a hellraiser since before I was allowed to cross the street by myself. As a journalist, I really take issue with a lot of what's happening in this country.
I really take issue with the fact that, frankly, in this modern era, reporters are people who like to be on television, talking in this weird voice, flipping their "helmet hair" and asking questions that a really smart 22-year-old intern has written for them. There is not much critical thought to what they do. They don't understand history, and they certainly don't understand science. They don't understand politics, yet they're informing our population.
I'm really happy to be talking to you now because this morning built upon what I want to explain to you. We got to see how the local reports about FFRF's work are kind of skewed. Nobody wants the picture of our lord and savior Jesus Christ taken down. Why would anyone ever object? Use a different stairwell if you don't like it.
My show, the "Sex, Politics and Religion Hour: SPAR with Jamila," is on the radio in D.C., New York, Chicago and Miami. After January, the Voice of Russia radio network is going to broadcast me in English to 166 different countries. I'm really excited about that because voices like mine were not heard for way too long.
The minute I hit 18, I was like, "Yes, it's happened. I can say what I want," and that's what I've really been working to do. I am a student of democracy. I'm a student of this great American experiment. We've got it right — this is a nation formed by secular ideals, where everyone is valued, but we have to be able to go to the public square and put forth our ideas.
At least that's the way it was supposed to be. The problem and the opportunity is that in this modern era, anybody can get up and say anything and if you have money behind you, your money equals speech. I've got a huge, huge problem with that.
It's my obligation as an American to try my damnedest to advance the principles upon which this great nation was founded. I understand that we're not perfect. I can give you a whole lot of reasons why I take issue with the founders, but let's not throw the baby out with the bath water.
So I get to be loud and obnoxious and cheeky and I have the coolest job in the world. But I need some help from smart folks like you. I need you to go back to your respective hamlets and townships and big cities and I need you, when you see reporting like we saw [in a video] earlier, I need you to call up those stations. I need you call up those news directors. I need you to write letters to the editor and say, "Why was it that you didn't — there's a university here! Why didn't you ask anyone from the biology department? Why would you only interview . . . ?
We all have to take responsibility for this democracy in which we live and raise our voices. I love the fact that we're here, in the heartland, where you know, this is Jesus country. And it don't look too Jesus-y 'round here [in this room] to me. That makes me smile.
Each of us has to do a better job. We're doing a lot, but we're outnumbered at the moment. However, I love to point out, we own the Internet, folks under 30, who are less inclined to be religious. They're more inclined to be pro-same gender marriage.
I'm going to surround myself with people who aren't hateful, who understand the way things are. I'm really excited that we have a legislator here [Arizona Rep. Juan Mendez]. We need to take a page out of that Christian Right handbook. We need to be running candidates. We need people to get in there at town halls and wear our flair and T-shirts: "I am secular and I vote," that's an important one. We need to be asking questions of our politicians.
I can't remember, if you can help me on this? The Louisiana legislator who was all pro-voucher and then realized, "Oh my God, a Jew could get this money too, oh no! I'm not for that!" She didn't want it to go to a Muslim school, but Christian schools, it was just fine. [Rep. Valarie Hodges, R-Watson, said later she regretted her vote.]
I guess I'm a radical. I'm very glad that today we recognize what will happen if we continue to be silent, if we continue to be hidden. I need to see us on more news programs. I need to see us on more editorial pages, and I certainly need to see more of us having lunch at various places wearing shirts! I love the shirts, please buy some shirts and wear them.
I am delighted to be here. FFRF is doing some amazing work and it's getting noticed. I'm honored that you had me here today. Thank you very much!
Q&A time
Q. I know that you're funded by the Russians. How do you feel about Vladimir Putin and the "homosexual propaganda" situation?
A. Yes, the station that I work for is funded in part by the Russian government. The reason I was hired is because I'm an expert in American politics. I'm trained as a health reporter. I'm good in live, breaking news situations. They hired me for my particular skill set. I of course don't support [Putin's anti-gay views] or that members of Pussy Riot were jailed for blasphemy.
My bureau is three blocks from the White House. I defend the First Amendment. When Chelsea Manning announced to the world who she was, I had two experts from the Human Rights Campaign on my show to talk about how we talk about transgender issues and rights. My employer is never going to dictate or mandate my ethics or morals to me.
Q. Last night, we went to dinner and as we walked out of the hotel, there was a man there with a sign that said, "God loves you atheists." I wanted you to share with the audience your response when he asked, "What state are you from?"
A. Hah! I have a firm policy. I do not engage with the idiots until after I've done my speaking. I need my intellect and energy for the crowd, but it just flew out! I just couldn't stop myself, so I said, "I live in the state of reality!"
Q. Do people have a right to pray in schools and at work?
A. Can the satanist pray? If the [public board] is going to have prayer, we're going to have a Wiccan come and have a whole celebration. Nudity is optional. Wait, wait, wait, they say. Whoa, they say. What's your problem, they ask? And I say, prayers for all!
But I like conflict. I love confrontation. I love "going there," because there is where the fun happens for me. But yeah, it's madness.
Q. I would imagine you must have come from a religious background. The question is then, what did you have to go through to become the person you are?
A. I started doing stand-up comedy by talking about my family, and people thought I was doing material, and I going "I'm not being funny, I'm telling you the truth." My father was raised as a Black Muslim, a follower of Elijah Muhammad in Pittsburgh in the mid-1950s. My mother was a Southern Baptist, "submit unto your husband, Jesus will stop him from beating you when it's appropriate" type.
She converted to Catholicism about when it was time for me to go to Catholic school and get that discount. Many of my friends in school were Jewish. I went to a scholars program where there were a couple of Orthodox Jewish kids. By the time I was 7, I realized that nobody knew what the hell they were talking about, and they were making up crap as they went along.
I've always been loud and obnoxious, I cannot have a thought that I don't express, and if it's a question, it burns until I get it out. It was hard, growing up. I have a second-grade teacher, who's still friends with my mom, who swears that the only difference in me then and now is that now I'm taller and have a baby.
Yeah, I've been pissing people off since I was embryonic. According to Mom.
Q. I'm wondering how we can get more politicians who are on our side in Washington?
A. I can't answer that in the time I have. But, I had a lovely exclusive interview last week with Sen. Ernie Chambers [1983 Supreme Court victor in Marsh v. Chambers]. Give it up for Ernie Chambers! He's been called the scariest man in Nebraska. They changed the state constitution and instituted term limits after his 38th year of service. It's been two years and now he's back. He says there's no way that anybody who speaks honestly the way he does, and who believes in the rights of his constituents to be served as he does, can get on the national stage. There's too much money.
The way elections happen, I fear that Mr. Chambers is right. I think that the political system would do well with somebody like me. No way in hell can I be elected as things stand today. No way, no way. We need to change that.
Thank you.
Jamila Bey also writes for The Washington Post blog "She the People" and worked as a producer and editor for a decade at National Public Radio. She's currently writing a book on the role religion plays in the lives of African-American women.
We swear, blasphemy laws still on the books by Andrew Seidel
Every great idea starts out as blasphemy." (Bertrand Russell)
"Where there is no belief, there is no blasphemy." (Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses)
"Blasphemy is a victimless crime." (FFRF T-shirt issued to condemn a 1989 fatwa on Rushdie for writing The Satanic Verses)
Indonesian civil servant Alexander Aan was freed Jan. 27 after serving a year in prison and being fined $8,000 for committing blasphemy. He posted words on Facebook that at least 75 million humans around the globe agree with: "There is no god."
Aan was released "on license," meaning he's required to report regularly to authorities. He's also vulnerable to vigilante retribution.
In December, two members of the Russian feminist punk band Pussy Riot were released from prison for committing "hooliganism and inciting religious hatred." Their crime? Singing a one-minute protest song on the altar of Moscow's main cathedral to condemn the Russian Orthodox Church's social repression and its ties to President Vladimir Putin.
Internationally, blasphemy prosecutions are chillingly on the rise. It's not just places like Pakistan and Iran. Ireland passed a law in 2010 punishing blasphemy with a €25,000 fine ($34,000).
While such laws clearly violate the First Amendment, America has also seen its share of persecutions. Blasphemy laws turn thoughts objectionable only to some religionists into "crimes," thereby clearly violating the First Amendment's protection of freedom of conscience.
Robert Ingersoll captured the injustice of blasphemy statutes marvelously while defending C.B. Reynolds of New Jersey in 1887:
"By making a statute and by defining blasphemy, the church sought to prevent discussion — sought to prevent argument — sought to prevent a man giving his honest opinion. Certainly a tenet, a dogma, a doctrine, is safe when hedged about by a statute that prevents your speaking against it. In the silence of slavery it exists. It lives because lips are locked. It lives because men are slaves."
The few antiquated blasphemy laws still on the books in the U.S. discriminate against non-Christians. By definition, blasphemy must discriminate. Any profession of faith in favor of one sect is blasphemy against another (i.e., you either believe that Jesus was the son of God, or not; that the angel Gabriel spoke to Muhammad, or not; that a dry cracker is the body of a noncorporeal being, or not).
Establishing a religion
Blasphemy statutes place the religious sensibilities of the chosen sect on a pedestal. As Bertrand Russell observed of the English common law, "[C]learly no one ought to speak ill of Christianity in such a way as to be likely to promote a breach of the peace. Those who use this argument do not, however, propose to extend the same protection to other religions. If you abuse Lenin to a Communist until he gets so angry that he hits you on the nose, the Communist is sent to prison. If the Communist abuses Christ to you until you get angry so that you hit him on the nose, it is again the Communist that is sent to prison."
As stated by former Associate Justice Abe Fortas in Epperson v. Arkansas: "Government in our democracy, state and national, must be neutral in matters of religious theory, doctrine, and practice."
Speech and blasphemy
Freedom of speech is not absolute. Fighting words, threats, defamation and libel are included in prohibited speech. Merely uttering a phrase that would once have been considered a sin against God must now fall into one of those categories if it is to be punished.
In a case challenging a Michigan law that made "profanely curs[ing] or damn[ing] or swear[ing] by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost" a crime, the court held that "God damn" was not speech justifiably prohibited by law. The court referenced a Supreme Court holding that states may not make a "single four-letter expletive a criminal offense" and found "no principled distinction between the expletive in [that case] and the milder profanity in this case."
In a challenge to a Pennsylvania law prohibiting corporate names containing "[w]ords that constitute blasphemy, profane cursing or swearing or that profane the Lord's name" another court found the statute violated the First Amendment because it restricted speech on the basis of viewpoint.
The Supreme Court summed it up, "from the standpoint of freedom of speech and the press, it is enough to point out that the state has no legitimate interest in protecting any or all religions from views distasteful to them which is sufficient to justify prior restraints upon the expression of those views. It is not the business of government in our nation to suppress real or imagined attacks upon a particular religious doctrine, whether they appear in publications, speeches, or motion pictures." Joseph Burstyn Inc. v. Wilson (1952).
From blasphemers' mouths
American colonial punishment was severe. Massachusetts had the death penalty until 1697, with the later sanction of branding the blasphemer's tongue with a hot iron. With the adoption of the federal and state constitutions, these laws dropped into disuse. But before that happened, brave American freethinkers paid a price.
Thomas Jefferson Chandler of Delaware was found guilty in 1837 of declaring that "the virgin Mary was a whore and Jesus Christ was a bastard." Another blasphemer, a Mr. Ruggles, was convicted in 1811 for observing "Jesus Christ was a bastard, and his mother must be a whore."
A tamer utterance by Abner Updegraph in Pennsylvania in 1824 was condemned: "The Holy Scriptures were a mere fable, that they were a contradiction, and that although they contained a number of good things, yet they contained a great many lies."
Abner Kneeland of Massachusetts was convicted in 1838 of uttering the following:
• "The Universalists believe in a god which I do not; but believe that their god, with all his moral attributes, (aside from nature itself,) is nothing more than a chimera of their own imagination."
• "Universalists believe in Christ, which I do not; but believe that the whole story concerning him is as much a fable and a fiction as that of the god Prometheus, the tragedy of whose death is said to have been acted on the stage in the theatre at Athens, five hundred years before the Christian era."
• "Universalists believe in miracles, which I do not; but believe that every pretension to them can be accounted for on natural principles, or else is to be attributed to mere trick and imposture."
• Universalists believe in the resurrection of the dead, in immortality and eternal life, which I do not; but believe that all life is mortal, that death is an eternal extinction of life to the individual who possesses it, and that no individual life is, ever was, or ever will be eternal."
The aptly named Michael X. Mockus was found guilty in 1921 for saying:
• "Mary (meaning the Virgin Mary) had a beau. When her beau called one evening (both being young) he seduced her. He brought her a flower and put her in a family way. No woman can give birth to a child without a man."
• "Look how the priests teach you, the falsifiers, thieves. It is not possible that he could be of the Holy Ghost, there must be a man. A young Jew was the father of the Christ. No woman can have a child without a man; that never happened and never can happen."
• "The father of Christ was a young Jew and was no Angel Gabriel. Any girl who wants a child can call a Gabriel or some John."
• "All religions are a deception of the people."
• "There is no truth in the Bible; it is only monkey business."
If you're accused of blasphemy, you're in good company. Throughout history, some of the greatest artists and writers have been accused of (though perhaps not criminally tried for) blasphemy. Among them are James Kirkup, author of the poem "The Love that Dares to Speak Its Name," Monty Python for "The Life of Brian," John Steinbeck for "The Grapes of Wrath," H.L. Mencken (pretty much constantly from 1899-1956), Charles Darwin for "On the Origin of Species," Percy Bysshe Shelley for "Queen Mab," Thomas Paine and his publisher Richard Carlile for "The Age of Reason," Shakespeare contemporary Christopher Marlowe, arrested for atheism and blasphemy, Galileo Galelei, Aesop (born c. 620 B.C.E) and Socrates (died 399 B.C.E).
According to the "Encyclopedia of Unbelief," Charles Lee Smith, in 1928, was the last person in the U.S. to be convicted of blasphemy as a crime. Smith had moved to Arkansas to protest the anti-ex`xvolution statute that was about to be passed. (It was overturned 40 years later by Epperson.)
Smith had rented a storefront and distributed leaflets such as "The Bible in the Balance," "Godless Evolution" and "The Ape Ancestry of Man." What got him into trouble was the sign he put in his window, "Evolution is True. The Bible's a Lie. God's a Ghost." He was arrested for selling literature without a permit, even though he was giving the pamphlets away. In court, he refused to swear an oath, wishing to affirm instead. The judge, appalled at his atheism, refused to let him testify and fined him for distributing obscene literature.
After numerous threats, arrests and an attack on his storefront, Smith was charged with blasphemy. Again he was not permitted to testify and was convicted, although the conviction was overturned.
In the most recent U.S. case, George Kalman wanted to name his film company "I Choose Hell Productions." His choice was rejected by Pennsylvania because corporation names were not allowed to be "blasphemous." In 2010, the court held that the blasphemy statute violated the First Amendment.
Despite the numerous cases overturning blasphemy laws and the fact that "it is proper to regard the statute before us not only as obsolete, but as repealed by implication in such essential parts as an advanced and enlightened civilization justifies with due regard for the personal liberties of the citizen," several states still have them, although they're rarely enforced and would fall to a constitutional challenge. The following are still on the books:
Massachusetts: "Whoever wilfully blasphemes the holy name of God by denying, cursing or contumeliously reproaching God, his creation, government or final judging of the world, or by cursing or contumeliously reproaching Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, or by cursing or contumeliously reproaching or exposing to contempt and ridicule, the holy word of God contained in the holy scriptures shall be punished by imprisonment in jail for not more than one year or by a fine of not more than three hundred dollars, and may also be bound to good behavior."
Michigan: "Any person who shall wilfully blaspheme the holy name of God, by cursing or contumeliously reproaching God, shall be guilty of a misdemeanor."
Oklahoma: "Blasphemy consists in wantonly uttering or publishing words, casting contumelious reproach or profane ridicule upon God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, the Holy Scriptures or the Christian or any other religion."
South Carolina makes it a crime to "use blasphemous, profane or obscene language at or near the place of [religious worship]."
Blasphemy prosecutions are still rampant in many other countries, and not just places like Pakistan and Iran. Ireland passed a blasphemy law in 2010 punishing the crime by a €25,000 fine. The United Nations debates a "defamation of religion" resolution every year.
They should instead listen to Dan Barker, sage and FFRF co-president: "You cannot be convicted of a victimless crime."
FFRF Staff Attorney Andrew Seidel graduated cum laude from Tulane University with a B.S. in neuroscience and environmental science and magna cum laude from Tulane University Law School. Go online to see the complete Blasphemy FAQ:
Ask a Skeptic
Dear Skeptic:
How can I politely attend the Episcopal wedding of a close friend's daughter? The friend and I get along because we don't talk religion, she knows my facts and I am aware of her beliefs. However, whenever we dine at their house, we are invited to bend our heads and say grace. My husband and I just stare silently at each other.
The wedding will be heavy on God, and my friend has told me I will have to suck it up and take communion. I don't even know what communion is! I do know I don't want to take it.
At other church weddings, I've sat quietly during prayer time and changed the words to songs, even using "dog" for the mythical one.
I don't think my quiet protests will go unnoticed at this wedding though. I am also afraid I might shout out something inappropriate or start shushing people. Maybe I should just go to the after-party, where my discomfort is less likely to be noticed.
What would Ann Landers say?
— Linda in Virginia
P.S. We're also invited to a Church of England wedding in the U.K. My friend, who is the only religious one in her family, is planning a wonderful party for after the service. She excitedly told me we were on the A-list.
I wondered what she meant until she explained this meant we were invited to both the service and the party. The lucky (in my opinion) B-listers only get invited to the party!
Scott Colson, production editor:
I think it's more offensive to eat the Jesus cracker because that's their god, or for Episcopals, a supposedly adequate representation of him. A cracker is better than the scary carving of Jesus with nails and thorns at some of the more graphic churches I've seen. Crackers any day.
The reception is more fun and a chance to interact with the lucky couple and their family without the formalities and incense (unless it's a Baptist reception — then, run).
Annie Laurie Gaylor, FFRF co-president:
I vote for the party! There you can truly celebrate the newlyweds, not the religion, without artifice or feeling like a hypocrite. No one is likely to notice your absence at a church wedding, and you can circulate and truly enjoy the reception.
I no longer attend religious weddings (with exception of Unitarian). I vowed "never again" after being a "captive" bridesmaid in my 20s in a Catholic wedding for a friend, as the priest went on for two hours about "sin."
Even firmer is my resolve not to attend religious ("fill in the blank") funerals, typically more about "sin" (again) than the loved one.
Funerals, especially with open casket, are a relic of religion. Emotions are too raw, families are too upset and have too much to do to force upon them a burial funeral. A memorial service at most, which can be held when everyone has a chance to make travel arrangements and adapt to grief, is far more humane and civilized.
Joan Reisman-Brill, "The Ethical Dilemma" columnist:
You have to politely but firmly tell your friend you will not suck up anything, whether it's wine and wafers, or just your own values. If that demotes you to the B-list (or off all lists), so "B" it.
If you were Jewish or Muslim, would she expect you to take communion? Even if you were Episcopal, it's out of line — and perhaps even a sin in the eyes of the faith — to command anyone to perform a sacred ritual against their own conscience.
It's fine (even fun) during prayers to keep your head up, eyes open and lips not moving (or moving to alternative words that amuse you). But it would be inappropriate for you to register anything that others read as disrespect or protest.
If you really do fear you might lose control, beg off the ceremony and say how much you want to attend the party. Explain to your friend you just aren't comfortable at a religious service and don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable, but you would want to be there to celebrate.
A friend who isn't willing to accept you on these terms is not a true friend. (If you weren't such a VIP, you could just show up too late for the vows but in time for the kiss; but that's not an option in this case.)
You can do the same for the U.K. event. This will make room for someone on the B-list who's eager to get promoted to your spot on A. And again, if this friend says not to bother coming at all, she'll have saved you a long expensive trip just for a party, however nice.
Even if your friends dump you in a huff, you would do well to leave the door open. Many lovely ladies turn into Mother-of-the-Bridezillas. It could take time, but maybe they'll one day see things differently and want to reconnect (and perhaps beg forgiveness), which is easier if at least one of you didn't do any slamming.
Patrick Elliott, staff attorney:
Weddings are supposed to be enjoyable for those getting married and their guests. If the religious ceremony is too much for you to handle, than it may be best to just attend the reception. The people actually getting married will not worry about whether the bride's mother's close friend is at the ceremony. You can let them know you care by giving them a personal card and nice gift. Your friend may not fully grasp why you may not want to attend a church service, but there is not much you can do about that.
On the other hand, attending a wedding ceremony is not the end of the world. As an atheist, I have never declined to attend a wedding service. My curiosity won't allow it, and I don't want to miss out on the main event. I stand and sit when told but do not otherwise participate by singing or taking communion.
In the Episcopal Church, only baptized Christians may take communion. That means it is more respectful of the church for you to remain in the pew rather than to take communion as your friend told you.
Finally, so what if people notice that you are not taking communion or singing hymns? My Roman Catholic extended family has never approached me and asked about it even though they know I took the sacraments of first communion and confirmation. It may be noticed, but people are there to see a marriage, not to observe who is eating symbolic human flesh.
Of course, if your blood sugar is running low, there are no gods that will smite you for eating a piece of bread.
Meet a musical member: Andy Shernoff
Name: Andy Shernoff.
Where I live: Greenpoint, Brooklyn, N.Y.
Family: My beautiful fiancée Carla Rhodes and my rescue dog Duchess.
Education: P.S. 148, Flushing High School, State University of New York at New Paltz.
Occupation: Songwriter/musician/producer.
How I got where I am today: I was raised in a safe, supportive environment by parents who nurtured an appreciation for art, music and different cultures. They provided me with the solid foundation to pursue my dreams. Probably the only issue in which religion and I are in accord is the importance of a strong family structure. The world would be a better place if every child was born from love. Of course, that doesn't require the supernatural, just sensible birth control.
Where I'm headed: We come from stardust and we will return to stardust.
Person in history I admire: John Lennon, for inspiring me to become a musician and setting a high artistic standard. Neil deGrasse Tyson, the smartest man in the room and a noble warrior for science, reason and logic.
Quotations I like: "With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." -— Steven Weinberg
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh." — Robert Heinlein
I love to hear Christian apologists try to squirm their way out of this one, and why does an almighty god need an apologist anyway? "However, you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way." — Leviticus 25:44-46, New Living Translation
These are a few of my favorite things: Music, wine, barbecue, travel to exotic locales, Jon Stewart's "Daily Show," focusing on the process not the destination.
These are not: Faith, original sin, people who call themselves "spiritual."
My doubts about religion started: As a child, I found that no matter how hard I prayed, I never got a response. I eventually realized I was simply talking to myself.
Before I die: Life is simpler when you know what makes you happy, and I know that every day I make music is a good day. I hope to continue to enjoy its healing power as long as I am on this planet.
There's a reason why many churches open their services with a band and sing-along. The magic in the music gives the congregation a high, which is then misconstrued as being closer to god. I strive to get that feeling without delusion.
Ways I promote freethought: I recently released a CD of songs about religion and faith. I felt the need to take a musical stand and "come out of the closet." I resent the stigma attached to atheism. The nonsense that we lack morals and can't be trusted is appalling. According to a recent poll conducted by University of British Columbia and the University of Oregon, atheists are trusted less than rapists!
In my lifetime, I've seen blacks and gays improve their status by demanding equal and fair treatment. I think it is time for atheist liberation!
I wish you'd have asked me: What's the story behind your song "Are You Ready to Rapture?"
I come from New York City, where nobody thinks Jesus is actually returning to Earth. I grew up completely unaware of "the Rapture." A few years ago, I was surprised to learn that evangelical Christians were offering financial support to settlers on the West Bank of Palestine in an attempt to destabilize the tense situation and accelerate the End Times prophecy. It could all be dismissed as the rantings of religious fanatics, except there are powerful people in government who believe this implicitly. It used to be just nutjobs standing on a street corner in Times Square screaming about the end of the world, now they are running for president.
I would never mock somebody's religion, but if it's going to affect public policy, then I have a right to satirize it. And if I can get a good laugh out of it, even better.
'Are You Ready to Rapture?'
Andy Shernoff modestly omits his decades-long musical influence as a rock journalist and co-founder of the early punk bank the Dictators in the mid-1970s, predating the Ramones by a year. He later collaborated with Joey Ramone and several other groups. Shernoff played at the March 2012 Reason Rally in Washington, D.C., the nation's largest secular gathering ever.
He released his first solo EP "Don't Fade Away" in 2012 and his second solo EP "On the First Day Man Created God" in 2013. The latter features "Are You Ready to Rapture?" "Skeptical," "Fisher of Men" and "Get on Your Knees for Jesus." Check out
andyshernoff.com and cdbaby.com/cd/
andyshernoff3 for more. Google "shernoff rapture" too see the "Ready to Rapture" video.
He wrote "Rapture" to poke fun at the late Pastor Harold Camping's predictions of Armageddon. Shernoff told Dangerous Minds online: "I had the phrase Jewish zombie rolling through my brain and wanted to incorporate it into a song. I developed a fascination with Christian eschatology and researched it extensively. I wanted everything in the song to accurately represent what these knuckleheads believe. It took a few months, and I probably wrote 25 verses until I had the right combination of drama, truth and sarcasm."
Are You Ready to Rapture?
The skies part
as a light shines through
guess who's back
it's the zombie Jew.
He's really pissed
at the unmarried fornicators
the stem cell crusaders
and the butt hole invaders.
So the towers fell
and the earth did quake
just a little taste of his vengeance
America prepare for your fate.
'Cause when the trumpets sound, he will astound
watch the rivers turn to blood
the sinners cry and the dead will rise
judgment day has come.
Are you ready to rapture?
The savior that you spurn
Loves you forever
But the unbelievers must burn
When the zombie Jew returns. . .
State/Church Bulletin
USAF Freethinkers Club wins validation
The Freethinkers Club at the U.S. Air Force Academy, which sponsored "Ask an Atheist" days, did not violate any rules and can maintain display tables and offer information to interested persons at its annual fair, academy officials announced March 19. The group is an authorized cadet club.
Military.com reported the school's announcement came after seven cadets, faculty and staff members contacted the Military Religious Freedom Foundation.
Religious plates win Wisconsin vote
Both houses of the Wisconsin Legislature approved a bill to issue special "In God We Trust" license plates. The bill passed 91-0 in the Assembly and 30-2 in the Senate (opposed by Democratic Sens. Fred Risser and Mark Miller. Risser, 86, of Madison, is the longest-serving legislator in the U.S., first elected in 1956.)
FFRF has taken issue with the godly plates since September and sent an action alert to Wisconsin members. Staff Attorney Patrick Elliott noted in his testimony at a public hearing: "Legislators are elected to represent all citizens, including those who do not believe in a monotheistic god or any gods. Both supporters and opponents of the bill recognize that 'In God We Trust' is a religious statement."
Gov. Scott Walker hadn't signed the bill at press time.
Judge's religious bias hit again
A unanimous three-judge panel of the Oklahoma Court of Civil Appeals on March 21 reversed a decision by Oklahoma County District Judge Bill Graves that denied a name change from James Dean Ingram to Angela Renee Ingram after Ingram's gender reassignment surgery.
The Associated Press reported it's the second name-change case in the last two years in which the appeals court has reversed Graves. He earlier rejected a change from Steven Charles Harvey to Christie Ann Harvey. In both cases, he cited specific bible passages as justification for denial.
Graves, a former Republican state lawmaker, told the AP he's very disappointed. "We can't change our sex, the way God made us. These things are really counterfeit."
After being term-limited, Graves was replaced by current GOP Rep. Sally Kern, who has called homosexuality a greater threat to the U.S. than terrorism.
Ingram was represented by the ACLU of Oklahoma.
Salvation Army to pay $450,000 in suit
The New York Civil Liberties Union announced court approval March 18 of a settlement in Lowe v. The Salvation Army in which the plaintiffs will receive $450,000 in damages and attorneys' fees to two plaintiffs.
Reuters reported that the decade-old federal suit involved now-former employees who alleged the charity pressured them to follow its religious mission while they worked on government-funded projects.
The Salvation Army's Greater New York division also agreed to provide employees of its government-funded services with a document saying it won't ask about their religious beliefs or make them adhere to religious policies.
The suit was filed in 2004 after the administration of former President George W. Bush made it easier for churches to get federal money for so-called faith-based initiatives. The greater New York division currently has more than $188 million in government contracts to provide social services and nearly 300 employees are paid with public money.
Board backs veto of church subsidy
Milwaukee Common Council members voted 13-1 on March 4 to sustain Mayor Tom Barrett's veto of a resolution giving up to $5,000 to the Retail Christian Network for a breakfast at the International Council of Shopping Centers convention in May in Las Vegas.
The Journal Sentinel reported that Barrett felt there was no public purpose to spend tax dollars to finance RCN's year-round ministry or to support Higher Call, its parent organization based in Franklin, Tenn.
Idaho kills bill on faith healing
Idaho House leaders denied a hearing on a bill to address the number of children who die because their parents choose faith healing and not medical assistance for religious reasons, The Associated Press reported.
Judiciary Committee Chairman Rich Wills said Feb. 26 he was told by House Speaker Scott Bedke that the bill wouldn't be brought up.
Democratic Rep. John Gannon had proposed changes to state law in the wake of dozens of deaths of children whose parents belong to the Followers of Christ in southwestern Idaho. Similar deaths from treatable conditions have occurred in Oregon, the Followers' home base.
Home schoolers lose but stay anyway
The U.S. Supreme Court denied certiorari March 3 in Romeike v. Holder. The 6th Circuit earlier denied asylum to a German evangelical Christian family seeking to stay in the U.S. because of Germany's ban on home schooling, reported Religion Clause.
The appeals court ruled in May 2013 that the Romeikes didn't have a "well-founded fear of persecution on account of race, religion, nationality, membership in a particular social group, or political opinion," as U.S. immigration law requires.
However, on March 4, the Department of Homeland Security granted the family "indefinite deferred status" to stay in the U.S., according to Fox News.
The Romeikes moved to Morristown, Tenn., in 2008 after facing fines and risking loss of custody of their children for refusing to send them to a state-approved school in Germany. The family was granted asylum in 2010 based on religious freedom grounds, but the Obama administration appealed the decision and won.
Soledad cross groups seeks certiorari
In Mt. Soledad Memorial Association v. Steve Trunk, the association announced March 4 it will seek Supreme Court review of a lower court ruling that the 29-foot-tall cross must be moved out of a public park in San Diego, Calif. Trunk is an FFRF "foxhole atheist" member and award recipient. The cross has been the subject of litigation since 1989.
The association, which is represented by the evangelical Liberty Institute, contends a Christian cross looming over the 1954 war memorial has no religious significance and somehow honors all of the 3,300 veterans whose names are on memorial plaques, even non-Christians and nonbelievers.
State pushes bible as 'official' book
Louisiana Rep. Thomas Carmody, R-Shreveport, introduced HB 503 in the House to declare the bible as the official state book, KTSB reported. FFRF has formally complained about the constitutional violation to state officials.
"The official state book shall be the Holy Bible, published by Johannes Prevel . . . which is the oldest edition of the Holy Bible in the Louisiana State Museum system," the legislation says. The Prevel bible was published in the early 16th century.
The legislation also proposes that the state's motto should be changed to read: "A state, under God, united in purpose and ideals, confident that justice shall prevail for all of those abiding here."
The session started March 10. In a March 3 online Times-Picayune poll, 62% of respondents said the bible should not be the state's official book.
Commandments bill
on governor's desk
The Georgia Senate gave final passage March 12 to a bill that authorizes placing a Ten Commandments monument at the Capitol. The bill passed the House 138-37 and the Senate 40-10.
The bill prescribes placement of a "historic granite monument" depicting the preamble to the Georgia Constitution, a line from the Declaration of Independence and the Ten Commandments. Private funds would be used.
Some Democrats said they voted "no" because such a law won't survive a constitutional challenge. "The state doesn't necessarily need to endorse private individuals and their expenditure of money in supporting their own religion," Sen. Steven Henson told a television reporter.
Gov. Nathan Deal hadn't signed the bill as of press time. FFRF sent an action alert to members March 14 urging them to tell Deal to veto the bill.
Arguments heard in commandments case
A federal judge heard arguments March 11 on whether a 6-foot-tall, 3,000-pound Ten Commandments monument in front of City Hall in Bloomfield, N.M., is constitutional. The American Civil Liberties Union of New Mexico filed the suit against the city on behalf of two plaintiffs who practice the Wiccan religion.
Attorneys for the city contend that "private parties" paid for the monument under a 2007 city resolution that lets members of the public "erect historical monuments of their choosing," reported the Albuquerque Journal.
The Alliance Defending Freedom, which calls itself a "legal ministry," is defending the city.
"This is not a free speech case," plaintiffs' attorney Andrew Schultz said during opening arguments. "It is a case of government speech."
Buddhist student
wins relief in court
A federal district court on March 14 ordered the Sabine Parish School District to refrain from unconstitutionally promoting or denigrating religion. The consent order came after the ACLU of Louisiana sued on behalf of C.C., a sixth-grader of Thai descent and a practicing Buddhist.
School officials allegedly told C.C. that Buddhism was "stupid," suggested he transfer to a school with "more Asians," incorporated prayer into class and nearly every school event, hung a portrait of Jesus over the main entry and participated in a number of other activities that blatantly violated the separation of church and state, said the ACLU's Heather Weaver.
In February, C.C.'s mother was accosted while doing yard work, Weaver said. "Three people wearing KKK-type white hoods drove by her and shouted, 'You fucking nigger Asian-loving bitch.' "
According to the ACLU, C.C.'s science teacher, Rita Roark, repeatedly told students that the Earth was created by God 6,000 years ago, that evolution is "impossible" and that the bible is "100 percent true."
The court order also mandated in-service training for school staff on their First Amendment obligations.
Jail won't stop her
from praying
The Carroll County commissioners in Baltimore must stop opening meetings with sectarian prayers, a federal judge ruled March 25 in granting a preliminary injunction, reported the Baltimore Sun.
U.S. District Judge William Quarles Jr. said commissioners can continue to pray at meetings but can't refer to deities linked to any specific faith.
Plaintiff Bruce Hake, a Catholic immigration attorney, sued last May after commissioners started taking turns saying a prayer. "It's un-American to impose one flavor of religion on people," Hake said.
Local resident Neil Ridgely and the American Humanist Association were co-plaintiffs with Hake.
Two days later, reported the Carroll County Times, Commissioner Robin Bartlett Frazier opened the board's budget meeting with a prayer containing references to Jesus Christ, Lord, our Father, merciful Father and the Holy Spirit. She said she's willing to go to jail to fight the injunction.
"If we cease to believe that our rights come from God, we cease to be America," Frazier said. "We've been told to be careful. But we're going to be careful all the way to communism if we don't start standing up and saying 'no.' "
Tenn. bill boosts
school religion
The Tennessee Legislature on March 24 passed the Religious Viewpoints Anti-Discrimination Act requiring schools to let students express their religious views in class, at assemblies, over the school's P.A. system and at public events such as graduation, the Baton Rouge Advocate reported.
The legislation, which passed 90-2 in the House and 32-0 in the Senate, must be signed by Republican Gov. Bill Haslam to become law.
"An evangelical student, for example, could preach the gospel during a science class, or 'witness' during English," said David Badash of the New Civil Rights Movement, an online journal. "Attacks on LGBT people and same-sex marriage are automatically protected under this bill, offering anti-gay students a state-sponsored license to bully. And of course, a student could claim they worship Satan and subject their classmates to that 'religious viewpoint' as well."
Oklahoma state Rep. Sally Kern has co-sponsored a similar bill with the same title. It received unanimous House passage (with 13 absentions) in February and was referred to the Senate Education Committee as an "emergency" bill.
In the News
Millennials quit church over LGBT issues
In a Public Religion Research Institute survey released Feb. 26, about a third of millennials who left organized religion said "negative teachings" or "negative treatment" related to gays and lesbians played a significant role.
Of adults between age 18 and 33, 17% said negativity about religion's LGBT issues was "somewhat important" to leaving, and 14% said it was a "very important" factor.
A majority of the 4.500 Americans polled (58%) also said religious groups are "alienating young adults by being too judgmental on gay and lesbian issues." Among millennials, that percentage jumped to 70.
The polls was conducted in November and December 2013.
Religious bills draw vetoes in Virginia
Virginia Democratic Gov. Terry McAuliffe's March 27 veto of a bill giving military chaplains wide latitude to proselytize brought predictable howls from conservatives.
The Family Foundation said in an e-mail that McAuliffe denied "good sense and the General Assembly's voting record" in favor of acquiescing "to the ACLU's wishes." Bill sponsor Sen. Dick Black, R-Loudoun County, said the veto reflects a "sort of unspoken antagonism to Christianity that's based on gay marriage and abortion," the Virginian-Pilot reported.
In his veto message, McAuliffe said the bill "would seriously undermine the religious freedom of National Guard members by potentially exposing them to sectarian proselytizing."
Chaplains can minister as they choose at voluntary services or in private settings but don't "have the right to use official, mandatory events as a platform to disseminate their own religious views," McAuliffe wrote.
The governor's office said he intends to veto a student religious expression bill that passed 20-18 in the Senate and 64-34 in the House of Delegates. Religion Clause reported that the bill would protect voluntary student prayer and prayer gatherings before, during and after school; wearing of clothing or jewelry displaying religious messages; and expression of religious viewpoints by neutrally selected student speakers at graduation and similar events.
The Roanoke Times reported that McAuliffe's office said he'll veto the bill out of concerns about its constitutionality and unintended consequences.
Religion trumps rights in Mississippi
The Mississippi Legislature has approved a "turn away the gays" bill to let businesses and individuals refuse services to LGBT people on religious grounds. The Republican-controlled House and Senate both passed a conference report April 1 on the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. The House vote was 78-43. The Senate vote was 38-14.
Gov. Phil Bryant has not said if he'll sign it. A similar bill was vetoed by Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer.
The Washington Blade reported that the bill also adds "In God We Trust" to the state seal.
Church ousts Scouts but keeps money
Fr. John De Celles, pastor of St. Raymond of Peñafort Catholic Church in Springfield, Va., ended parish support for Cub and Boy Scout groups because of Scouting's new policy on gays. De Celles took the popcorn money and another $1,200 that Pack 683 had raised to sponsor a unit of Trail Life USA, founded in 2013 to offer "Christ-centered" Scouting, reported the Washington Post on March 1.
While De Celles had authority to transfer the money, that didn't sit well with some. "He hurt these children for no reason so that he didn't have to fund his own new program," said Pack 683 parent Stephanie Curb.
"I don't think it was the moral thing to do," parent Melanie Frola said. The Frolas are leaving the parish because of the decision. Their son sold $84.66 worth of popcorn.
The Disney Co. announced Feb. 28 it will stop supporting the Boy Scouts of America in 2015 over the Scouts' ban on gay leaders. Disney does not contribute directly, but employees can do volunteer work in exchange for donations to organizations of their choice.
One Florida Scout leader said some troops were getting up to $6,000 a year through Disney's VoluntEARS program.
SCOTUS hears Hobby Lobby challenge
The Supreme Court heard arguments March 25 on challenges by Hobby Lobby Stores and Conestoga Wood Corp. to the Affordable Care Act's contraceptive mandate. The firms are Christian-owned and claim the law abridges their religious freedom.
Reuters speculated a majority could rule that corporations have a right to make religious claims, but that the contraceptive mandate does not merit one. The AP called the court "divided."
The Wall Street Journal said:
"Chief Justice Roberts appeared to tip his hand when he told [Solicitor General Verrilli] that the parade of horribles — all kinds of religious exemptions being claimed by all sorts of employers, punching holes in the uniform application of the laws — could be avoided by a ruling limited to closely held enterprises, like S corporations that pass their earnings through to their shareholders. That would leave the issue of, say, an Exxon claiming religious freedom rights to another day. Later, Justice Breyer suggested he might be open to that type of resolution."
Mother Jones reported April 1 that Hobby Lobby has invested millions in companies that manufacture contraception and abortion-inducing medication.
The report said several of its retirement plan mutual funds are invested in Teva Pharmaceutical and Actavis.
Seek salvation, take home a weapon
The Kentucky Baptist Convention is leading "Second Amendment Celebrations" in which churches give away guns, which the Baptists are billing as "outreach to rednecks" to "point people to Christ," said a March 1 story in the Louisville Courier-Journal.
Chuck McAlister, the convention's team leader for evangelism, said 1,678 men made "professions of faith" at about 50 such events last year. In Louisville, he said, more than 500 people showed up one January day for a gun giveaway at Highview Baptist Church, and 61 made decisions to seek salvation.
"How ironic to use guns to lure men in to hear a message about Jesus, who said, 'Put away the sword,' " said Rev. Joe Phelps, pastor at Independent Highland Baptist Church.
Setback for abortion rights in Maryland
In Centro Tepeyac v. Montgomery County, a Maryland U.S. District Court on March 7 enjoined enforcement of a 2010 county resolution that requires each "limited service pregnancy center" to post to post a sign in English and Spanish in its waiting room that reads:
(1) "the Center does not have a licensed medical professional on staff" and (2) "the Montgomery County Health Officer encourages women who are or may be pregnant to consult with a licensed health care provider."
The resolution expressed concern that "clients may be misled into believing that a center is providing medical services when it is not. Clients could therefore neglect to take action (such as consulting a doctor) that would protect their health or prevent adverse consequences, including disease, to the client or the pregnancy."
So-called "crisis" pregnancy centers are typically operated by religious groups that try to talk women out of having abortions while misleading them about its risks. The court ruled the reolution was content-based and violated the First Amendment.
Scottish priests decline in Glasgow parishes
A March 12 report in the Scottish Herald estimated that within 20 years, the Catholic Archdiocese of Glasgow will have only 45 priests, less than half the number needed to staff current parishes.
Between 1991 and 2012, attendance at funerals in the archdiocese dropped 14%, along with a 39% decline at baptisms and declines of 41% at Sunday Mass and 54% at weddings.
Sentenced to hang on blasphemy charge
A Pakistani judge sentenced a Christian to death for blasphemy, Reuters reported March 27. Sawan Masih was sentenced to hang after a Muslim said Masih insulted the prophet Muhammad a year ago in Lahore. The accusation against Masih sparked a riot during which than 100 Christian homes were torched.
At least 16 people are on death row in Pakistan for blasphemy and at least 20 others are serving life sentences. No one has yet been executed for blasphemy.
Secular lobbying event June 12-13 in D.C.
The Secular Coalition for America, of which the Freedom From Religion Foundation is a member organization, is holding its 2014 Lobby Day and Secular Summit in Washington, D.C., on June 12-13. It will include lobbying training, visits with legislators and staffers on Capitol Hill and a policy conference.
Registration is $50 for students and $99 for others and includes breakfast, lunch and lobbying training Thursday morning, lobbying visits Thursday afternoon and a pool party and reception Thursday night. Friday includes breakfast, lunch and a variety of panels and workshops.
A discounted room rate of $159/night at the Liaison Capitol Hill expires May 19.
Visit secular.org/lobbyday2014/.
'No Religion 4'
set in B.C. in May
Rational thought comes to Kamloops, British Columbia, May 16-18, when Humanist Canada and BC Humanists sponsor the fourth annual Imagine No Religion conference.
FFRF Co-Presidents Dan Barker and Annie Laurie Gaylor will speak, along with Jerry Coyne, professor of biology, author of Why Evolution Is True and an FFRF honorary officer and Emperor Has No Clothes honoree.
Other speakers include Eugenie Scott, who is stepping down as executive director of the National Center for Science Education; "The Thinking Atheist" video producer and Blog TalkRadio podcaster Seth Andrews; Jerry DeWitt, first graduate of the Clergy Project, who left Pentecostalism after 25 years in ministry; Margaret Downey, founder of Freethought Society; Friendly Atheist blogger Hemant Mehta, author of I Sold My Soul on eBay and The Young Atheist's Survival Guide; Wanda Morris, executive director of Dying with Dignity Canada; and Carolyn Porco, leader of the imaging science team on the Cassini mission currently orbiting Saturn, and a popular science writer.
Sign up to attend and make travel and accommodation arrangements at imaginenoreligion.ca/. The event begins Friday, May 16, at 7 p.m. and continues through Sunday. Beautiful Kamloops is in south-central British Columbia.
They Said What?
First off, I want to thank God, because that's who I look up to. He has graced my life with opportunities that I know are not of my hand or of any other human hand.
Matthew McConaughey, accepting the Best Actor Oscar for his role in "Dallas Buyers Club"
The Daily Beast, 3-3-14
You know what? You're an ass. I've had enough of you. You're a real punk. You know that? You have contributed nothing to this program in 10 minutes, zero. And you're not that smart. You may think you're smart, but you talk in circles. . . . The problem that some of you atheists have is you're intolerant. And you're a punk. So get lost. Get out of here.
Radio talk show host Mark Levin, after a caller disagreed that atheism should disqualify a person from being president
mediaite.com, 3-17-14
FFRF Legal Victories
FFRF stops bible ads on school marquee
A high school in North Carolina no longer displays church advertisements on its marquee because of FFRF. Several proselytizing ads, including "1 Peter 5:7" ("Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you"), were featured on the marquee at South Caldwell High School in Lenoir, N.C. These ads were purchased by "Day 3 Church."
Staff Attorney Patrick Elliott sent a letter to the district on Jan 8, explaining why displaying religious messages are an egregious violation on public school property:
"Messages on the South Caldwell High School sign are prominently featured and are intended to directly reach students. These messages have the imprimatur of the school and are subject to the Establishment Clause. Advertising on the sign may be properly limited to serve the school's objectives."
FFRF requested that if the school would not remove the church ads, FFRF would also purchase ad space itself.
The school district's attorney promptly responded that the school had removed all ads, which a photo sent by a local complainant verified. The district has changed its policy to ban all nonschool ads on the marquee, the attorney told FFRF.
Lamb of God off Minn. school menu
A public high school in Fertile, Minn., will no longer place a nativity scene in the cafeteria, as it did last December. According to local news sources, the display was temporarily removed, then put back up after a vote of the school board late last year.
Staff Attorney Patrick Elliott sent a letter to the Board of Education in December, explaining that the school may not lawfully maintain, erect, or host a nativity scene:
"The placement of a scene of the legendary birth of Jesus in a public school places the imprimatur of the school district behind Christian religious doctrine. Endorsements of Christianity in public schools are disturbing for those parents and students who are not Christians."
On Feb. 28, the district's attorney replied in writing that the board "rescinded its previous directive, which would allow 'religious symbols as part of holiday decor as long as it is accompanies by other holiday decor.' "
The letter added, "The school district is fully aware of the current status of the applicable federal and state statues as well as court decisions regarding the issues at hand and intends to proceed in a fashion consistent with the law."
School pulls Christian film after letter
A school in New York will no longer show the Christian film "How to Save a Life" in a sophomore health class. FFRF received a complaint from a parent of a high school student in the Jamesville-DeWitte Central School District, DeWitt, N.Y.
Senior Staff Attorney Rebecca Markert sent a letter to the district to point out the constitutional problems with showing Christians films to a captive audience of students:
"The film tells the story of a high school basketball star named Jake who loses a former friend to suicide, and Jake's path to saving another friend from committing suicide by joining a church group and thus reforming his ways. The film also involves acts of premarital sex, drug and alcohol use, cutting, discussion of abortion and so on. Other films these companies have been involved with have had overt Christian messages, primarily involving accepting Jesus Christ and the Christian religion."
On March 14, the district responded that although the film had indeed been shown during the school day, it was an "isolated incident" that does not represent and is not consistent with school policy.
The district added, "After speaking with the teacher in question, be assured that this film will not be used as a resource in the future."
FFRF helps nonbeliever become citizen
The Freedom From Religion Foundation helped nonbeliever Adriana Ramirez, a native Colombian living in California, become a U.S. citizen after her naturalization application was initially rejected by the San Diego office of the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services.
Ramirez had refused to swear an oath "to bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law," asking for an exemption because, she wrote, "The strength of my moral and ethical convictions in this matter is greater than any religious training or indoctrination that I may have had in my upbringing."
She also objected to the phrase "so help me God," saying, "I do not hold such religious beliefs."
The agency, which is part of the Department of Homeland Security, responded by writing that "the oath of alliegence [sic] must be based on religious training and belief. . . . [Y]our unwillingness is not based on religious training and belief."
On Feb. 21, Staff Attorney Andrew Seidel wrote USCIS a forceful complaint letter, noting Supreme Court precedent. "It is shocking that USCIS officers would not be aware that a nonreligious yet deeply held belief would be sufficient to attain this exemption. This is a longstanding part of our law, and every USCIS officer should receive training on this exemption."
On March 20, FFRF was informed that Ramirez received a letter stating her application had been accepted and giving information on attending a naturalization ceremony.
In 2013, FFRF helped Margaret Doughty become a U.S. citizen, surmounting a nearly identical situation at the Houston USCIS office. The office relented and let her take the oath without the "bear arms" requirement.
The repeated violations led FFRF to write a comprehensive letter to USCIS Director Alejandro Mayorkas. Seidel asked Mayorkas to issue a clarifying policy memorandum to prevent future nonreligious citizens from going through similar ordeals. He also took issue with prayers at citizenship ceremonies and ceremonies occurring in Catholic institutions.
"We thought this discriminatory policy was dropped, and here another applicant encounters the same barrier. The U.S. government must resolve this problem permanently," said FFRF Co-President Annie Laurie Gaylor.
FFRF letter assures Gideon-free school
An FFRF letter of complaint ensured that bibles will no longer be distributed by Gideons International in a Tennessee high school.
A concerned parent informed FFRF that the Gideons were allowed to distribute bibles at Madisonville Intermediate School. A parent reported that at different times during the day, teachers took their classes to the guidance counselor's office where Gideons preached to students and handed them each a Christian bible.
Staff Attorney Andrew Seidel sent a letter in December to the district, explaining the constitutional violation: "The district may not allow any religious groups to enter school property to distribute religious literature. Even if the students are not forced to accept these bibles, the school sends a clear message to the children in its charge who are nonadherents 'that they are outsiders, not full members of the political community.' "
On Feb. 21, the Monroe School District responded that it would not allow further bible distribution and would "work diligently to ensure student rights under all laws are upheld."
Extending free exercise rights to corporations would undercut the rights of actual living, breathing Americans. At stake in this lawsuit is whether corporate chief executives are entitled to impose their religious beliefs on their employees and deny important federal rights to those employees. Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood hire workers of all religious faiths and persuasions, but refuse to respect that many of their employees may have a different set of religious views and want and need access to the full range of contraceptives.
David Gans, Constitutional Accountability Center, op-ed, "These claims shouldn't have a prayer"
Los Angeles Times, 3-18-14
These companies are not religious organizations, nor are they affiliated with religious organizations. But the owners say they are victims of an assault on religious liberty because they personally disapprove of certain contraceptives. They are wrong, and the Supreme Court's task is to issue a decisive ruling saying so. The real threat to religious liberty comes from the owners trying to impose their religious beliefs on thousands of employees.
Editorial board, "Crying Wolf on Religious Liberty"
New York Times, 3-22-14
It's past the point of wanting the pictures. I just want them to look at what's happening. We're praying that Walgreens learns that the bible doesn't belong to anyone, it belongs to everyone.
Kelly Taylor, 46, Gulfport, Miss., after Walgreens relented after refusing to process two prints of bible verses due to concerns about copyright violation
Fox News, 2-26-14
Christ's burial is followed by what may be the least necessary title card in cinema history: "Three days later." Surely the resurrection comes as no consolation to the movie's Pilate, who scoffs, "He'll be forgotten in a week."
Ben Kenigsberg, movie review, "History Channel's 'The Bible' is cut into an equally chintzy film, 'Son Of God' "
avclub.com, 2-27-14
The board of trustees is requiring professors and staff to sign a statement saying that they believe Adam and Eve were created in an instant by God and that humans share no ancestry with other life forms.
News story on Bryan College's new policy in Dayton, Tenn., home of the 1925 Scopes "monkey" trial
Chattanooga Times Free-Press, 3-2-14
Your religion is yours; it's not a code that the rest of us must live by. If you have an issue with abortion, don't have one. If you have an issue with gay marriage, don't have one.
Steven Lopez, Sterling, Ill., letter to the editor responding to one headlined "Abortion still heinous, godless"
Sterling Daily Gazette, 2-22-14
Today, Michelle and I join our fellow Christians in the United States and around the world in marking Ash Wednesday. Lent is a season of reflection, repentance, and renewal — a chance to recommit to loving and serving one another, and to deepen our faith in preparation for the Easter celebration to come.
President Barack Obama, White House statement
USA Today, 3-5-14
The weather may have been a factor in not many people being out and about at lunchtime.
Linda McVay, St. John's Episcopal Church pastoral care team member, on why only a dozen people in two hours availed themselves of "Ashes to Go" on Ash Wednesday in downtown Portsmouth, Maine
Portsmouth Herald, 3-6-14
For most of my life, I've been, "Hey, I'm not into it, but I respect your right to believe whatever you want." But as time goes on, weirdly, I'm growing less liberal. I'm more like, "No, religion is ruining the world, you need to stop!"
Irish actor Chris O'Dowd, magazine interview
British GQ, April 2014
This is an excessive lifestyle.
Beth Maguire, Cathedral of Christ the King parishioner, Atlanta, on the Catholic archdiocese spending $4.4 million on two residences for clergy from a $15 million bequest from Joseph Mitchell, nephew of "Gone With the Wind" author Margaret Mitchell
Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 3-22-14
We're not anti-religious. We just think a public school should be inclusive for all kids. If they want to have a religious prayer, it should be said in scripture or prayer groups, but not during a core school activity like assemblies.
Kersten Tuckey, who withdrew her daughter from Kororo Public School in New South Wales after parents voted to retain school prayer
Sydney Morning Herald, 3-23-14
According to a survey conducted by the Israeli Science Ministry, the profession of rabbi or any other clergyman is the least well-thought-of by the Israeli public.
News story in which the medical profession was "most admired" in the poll
The Algemeiner, 3-25-14
What to give up for Lent: Religion.
Hulda Pelzl, Texas FFRF member
Letter, 3-24-14
Science is not there for you to cherry-pick. You know, I said this once and it's gotten a lot of Internet play, I said the good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it. All right? I guess you can decide whether or not to believe in it, but that doesn't change the reality of an emergent scientific truth.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson, host of "Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey" and Hayden Planetarium director, on why media shouldn't give equal time to creationists and "flat-earthers"
"Reliable Sources," CNN, 3-9-14
As a creationist, I find Neil deGrasse Tyson's presumption to educate America on the meaning of science as host of "Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey" repulsive and sad. I am repulsed by Tyson's transparent attempt to promote atheism and discredit the Word of God, and saddened that so many cannot recognize the Dark Age a priori pseudo-science animating his slick words.
Robert Bowie Johnson Jr., op-ed
Canada Free Press, 3-19-14
Whatever one might hear on the right about a war on religion, in this country we still care more about catering to religious sensibilities, even in liberal Hollywood, than we do about encouraging the open questioning of the claims of the faithful.
Lawrence Krauss, physicist and subject with Richard Dawkins of the film documentary "The Unbelievers," op-ed titled "Why Hollywood Thinks Atheism Is Bad for Business"
The New Yorker, 3-5-14
Dead "Snake Salvation" Pastor Jamie Coots Had No Life Insurance
Headline about a snake-bitten Kentucky pastor who's survived by his wife, father, two children and a grandchild
Christian Post, 2-17-14
The second goal is that particularly unchurched servers would understand that not all Christians are rude, impatient, lousy tippers.
Lead Pastor Chad Roberts, Preaching Christ Church, Kingsport, Tenn., on the website he set up named "Sundays Are the Worst" for restaurant workers to vent on
Kingsport Times News, 3-3-14
All of a sudden he just snaps. [It] just clicked like that and then he said he hopes I rot in hell.
Skyler Joly, 15, accusing his parish priest, Fr. Roman Manchester of Our Lady of Good Help in Burrillville, R.I., of inappropriate behavior during religion class
In my own parish, several longstanding parishioners have ceased all financial contributions to the parish because they do not want a cent of their gift to go to the diocese.
Catholic parishioner John Veal, supporting a petition to remove Robert Finn as bishop of the Diocese of Kansas City-St. Joseph for alleged cover-up of clergy sex abuse
Kansas City Star, 3-13-14
While most invocations are traditional and uneventful, the Rev. Joe Nelms of Lebanon, Tenn., garnered national attention in 2011, when he thanked God for several series sponsors by name and his "smokin' hot wife" prior to a Nationwide Series race at Nashville Superspeedway.
News story, "NASCAR only pro sport to televise weekly prayer"
Bristol Herald Courier, 3-15-14
Shakespeare is my religion. Shakespeare has more wisdom and insight about our lives, about how to live and how not to live, how to forgive and how to understand our fellow creatures, than any religious tract. One hundred times more than the bible.
Sir Trevor Nunn, British theater director
The Telegraph, 3-17-14
The thing that's really disturbing about Noah isn't "the silly," it's that it's immoral. It's about a psychotic mass murderer who gets away with it and his name is God. Genesis says God was so angry with himself for screwing up when he made mankind so flawed that he sent the flood to kill everyone — men, women, children, babies. What kind of tyrant punishes everyone just to get back at the few he's mad at? I mean besides Chris Christie.
Entertainer Bill Maher, on the movie "Noah" that debuted March 28
"Real Time With Bill Maher," 3-14-14
And on the 12th day of his murder trial, Oscar Pistorius broke out what appeared to be a bible study guide.
News story on the South African Olympian accused of shooting his girlfriend to death on Valentine's Day 2013
New York Daily News, 3-19-14
Reason has been under siege and been slapped around. Believing things on the basis of something other than evidence and reason causes people to misconstrue what's good for them.
Peter Boghossian, author and philosophy instructor at Portland State University, speaking to the Freethinking Frogs student group at Texas Christian University
Unfortunately, Fred's ideas have not died with him, but live on. Not just among the members of Westboro Baptist Church, but among the many communities and small minds that refuse to recognize the equality and humanity of our brothers and sisters on this small planet we share. . . . [N]or will this be the last we hear of his words, which are echoed from pulpits as close as other churches in Topeka, Kansas, where WBC headquarters remain, and as far away as Uganda.
Nate Phelps, atheist son of Pastor Fred Phelps, on his father's death March 19
Recovering From Religion, 3-24-14
HORRIFYING ALERT!!! IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN, AS I AM, WAKE UP!!! Much to my surprise last night, I found out that my opponent is not a Christian. She does not have faith in God and feels there is no heaven.
Facebook post by Marilyn Ustler McQueen, Apopka [Fla.] City Council incumbent, adding that someone should bring challenger Diane Velazquez to Christ. [Velazquez, a former New York police detective, won 55% to 45%.]
Orlando Sentinel, 2-26-14
Sign outside Pastor James David Manning's ATLAH World Missionary Church in Harlem
New York Daily News, 2-27-14
Am I too WHITE to be your pastor?
Sign held by Patrick Kelley, pastor at River Pointe Church, suburban Houston, for a promotion to get black people to attend his Sunday service honoring Martin Luther King Jr.
Houston Chronicle, 3-1-14
There are [all-night] prayer vigils all over Ukraine. They are praying for peace and for aggression to stop. God is in ultimate control. We trust him. We never expected Russia to move in so swiftly.
Vitaly Sorukun, pastor of New Hope Church in Kharkov, an hour from the Russian border
Christianity Today, 3-3-14
Let's skip the Oscars and take our families to see Son of God this weekend. #SonofGod #JesusoverOscar
Tweet on the day of the Academy Awards by Pastor Matthew Hagee, Cornerstone Church, San Antonio
Christian Post, 3-4-14
More bothersome than the replacement of biblical characters with birds who, for example, gorily get their heads cut off, is the deliberate portrayal of the Christian parents as plastic, phony, mean and indifferent, predictably simple-minded and against imagination. This negative portrayal of believing Christians is part of the left's ongoing attempt to demonize Christians.
Rabbi Aryeh Spero, author of [Push Back: Reclaiming Our American Judeo-Christian Spirit, panning "The Bird Bible" skit on "Saturday Night Live"
theblaze.com, 3-4-14
Regardless of what some people believe, we were not founded to be secular.
Baptist Pastor Chris McCombs, speaking in favor of prayers "in Jesus' name" at Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, city council meetings, to which FFRF has objected
Akron Beacon Journal, 3-5-14
We want to tell lots of people about Jesus by every means available.
Mars Hill Church spokesman Justin Dean, Seattle, justifying spending at least $210,000 to get Pastor Mark Driscoll's book Real Marriage on The New York Times best-seller list
World Magazine, 3-5-14


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Available Lessons
Bench Press Math: Mean, Median and Mode
Grade: 10
Using reps and max of weightlifting, students will create a frequency table and compute the mean, median and mode.
Money ESE grades 9-12
Grade: 9
In this lesson, the student will learn to compare and contrast between different coins. Using hands-on examples, a document camera to review as a class and presentation software (PowerPoint or Keynote) or video editing software (iMovie or Movie Maker).

subset: commoncrawl


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Miranda Lambert's plane had to make an emergency landing Tuesday in Clarksburg, W.Va., after losing pressure during her flight from New York City to Nashville.
The private jet carrying the country music star spent about three hours on the ground before resuming its trip, Lambert's publicist Wes Vause told the Associated Press.
While the problem was being handled, Lambert and friends hung out with firefighters, even trying on their hazmat suits and posting pictures to Instagram.
Who knew emergency landings were so jocular?
"All in all, it was a pretty good day," Vause said, with a laugh.
Lambert is busy launching her fifth album. She appeared on Wednesday night's CMT Music Awards and will team with husband Blake Shelton on Friday at the CMA Music Festival, then travel Saturday to Dallas for George Strait's final concert.
Contact Tony Hicks at Facebook.com/BayAreaNewsGroup.TonyHicks or Twitter.com/insertfoot.


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Posted on February 15, 2010
I try not to give advice to the Marketing Department, since I believe they get nearly as many highly useful suggestions as I do anyhow. However, someone in conversation brought up the question of Book Fair ads during the Super Bowl.
At three billion dollars a second, this might seem something of a luxury, but the real reason we've never done it is that the Super Bowl does, after all, take place in winter. With nearly five months between their event and ours, it just isn't a good match.
We can come up with something as clever as those ads they ran this year, something as individual, as unique, as being one of the six commercials about how women mess with men's lives, or one of the two in which somebody tackled an older woman. Men without pants made for another recurring theme–we will NOT be trying that without strict guidelines on which of the volunteers and/or customers will be allowed to participate.
How about a couple that goes to a house warming and says "We like the way you've made the place look as if it's made out of books?"
"It IS made of books!" says the husband.
"Ooh!" says another guest. "Here's one I need for my Book Club!" and rips it out of the wall.
"A collectible!" cries another, tearing a boxed set away so that the baby's high chair topples down the stairs.
"I've never read this!" says another, "Oops!"
"Sorry, hon," says the husband, to his wife in the shower. "Guess I'll have to make another trip to the Newberry Library Book Fair!"
Or, hey, we could have a man in his coffin, surrounded by all the books he wants to read.
"He is so brilliant!" whispers one of his buddies in the church. "He charged all those books retail, and this was the only way he could get out of paying!"
But the supposed deceased starts laughing so uncontrollably at P.G.Wodehouse that his casket topples over. "Should have gone to the Newberry Library Book Fair," murmurs Betty White, sitting in a back pew where someone from a Snickers commercial tackles her again.
We could do that, I suppose: team up with another sponsor for shared expenses and a double commercial. The man who crashes the Book Club because they're drinking his brand of beer could smuggle bottles out in the book safe he bought at the Newberry Library Book Fair. The E*Trade Baby buying books with all that money he made in the market could point out a friend whose stroller is packed with books because HE never heard of the Squirreling Section. Or a GoDaddy.com girl could….
Oh, I AM sorry. Out of space for today.


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Lt. Governor Brian Calley kicked off the plunging Thursday afternoon into a pool set up at the base of the steps of the Capitol Building in Lansing.
Lt. Governor Brian Calley kicked off the plunging Thursday afternoon into a pool set up at the base of the steps of the Capitol Building in Lansing. He was immediately followed by Legislative Polar Plunge Co-Captains Senator Rick Jones (R-Grand Ledge) and Representative Kevin Cotter (R-Mt. Pleasant). Senator Jones and Representative Kevin Cotter were part of a legislative polar plunge line-up that was more than willing to put their support of Special Olympics Michigan on display.
The second annual Legislative Polar Plunge raised more than $30,000 to benefit children and adults with intellectual disabilities. Generous businesses also contributed to the cause.
This Polar Plunge was one of 28 Polar Plunges throughout Michigan from January through March 2013 to benefit Special Olympics Michigan. The two remaining plunges are in Marquette on Saturday, March 16 and Battle Creek on Saturday, March 23.
The Polar Plunges are made possible by the Law Enforcement Torch Run®, a group of police officers and corrections personnel committed to raising funds and awareness for SOMI. Proceeds from the Polar Plunge support the year-round sports training and athletic competition for 19,620 children and adults with intellectual disabilities who live in Michigan.
For more information about Special Olympics Michigan visit www.somi.org or call (800) 644-6404.


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Tell me which of the P&G products you look forward to trying if you win! Please leave me your email with this entry!!
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Tap It - American Pale Ale
Tap It - American Pale Ale
Rogue Dead Guy Ale
Stouts. Currently on hand: Old Rasputin Imperial Russian Stout, Pleade the 5th Imperial Stout and Boulevard Dark Truth Stout. Soon it will be time for the fresh hop ales and winter warmers...
red liberal koolaide
folgers coffee, with some creame.
Diet Mtn Dew...I'm still at work.
root beer
To leave feedback: Click seller/buyers name, Click feedback score, Click leave feedback
Cherry coke.... for breakfast!
root beer
Coke Zero
cherry pepsi/ more bacardi rum
jack daniels straight.
Firestone - pale 31
Firestone - pale 31
Long trail double bag strong ale
Sangria waiting out Sandy..
Sierra Nevada - torpedo extra ipa
Kamiak IPA. Local brewery you can only get growlers.
Rehme, Derman 2k, Ryal 999, Lord Whoopass, 50 Cal, Tack, RTrampage and Deathstalker are all good traders
My Feedback
im a growler man myself, double ipa ftwOriginally Posted by Pullman
root beer
rum and coke, casual
Sierra Nevada - celebartion 'fresh hop ale'
Stone ... Double Bastard
A friend from Puerto Rico made us coquito. Very tasty.
Lagunitas - Maximus
Firestone - Union Jack
Pre-bed slow-digesting casein protein smoothie.
L.A. Water
Firestone - Double Jack double ipa
Skipped alcohol and went straight for the Flexeril.


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McCauley Signs with Husker Wrestling Team
Destin McCauley signed his letter of intent to join the Nebraska wrestling team for the 2013-14 season, the Huskers announced on Wednesday.
"We're excited for Destin and the future he has here at Nebraska," Head Coach Mark Manning said. "He comes to us as a very accomplished high school wrestler as well as international (freestyle) competitor. We have a number of young men in our program that have high aspirations, and Destin wants to make history here at Nebraska."
McCauley, who is projected to wrestle at 149 pounds, captured six state titles at Apple Valley High School in Minnesota and spent the last two years at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, Colo. He was a Junior World Team member in addition to winning the Junior National Freestyle title. At the 2012 FILA Junior Nationals, McCauley defeated five opponents including two-time All-American Hunter Stieber of Ohio State in the championship match at 66 kg.
McCauley joins Anthony Abidin, Colton McCrystal and Pat Downey, all of whom signed in the fall, as part of the 2013-14 Nebraska wrestling recruiting class.


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The past few months have been quite hectic in our household. In accordance with Murphy's Law, important conference calls always seem to happen at the least opportune times -- when the 3-year-old misses the toilet, when the 6-year-old gets her hair caught in a zipper.
Yes, I am guilty of using the television as a babysitter. However, I have noticed that recently, that even this once dependable child care option is losing its appeal with the young-uns. Even the Wii and Nintendo DS are losing luster. However, one device seems to captivate their attention for the crucial 20 to 30 minutes. And that is the iPhone or iPodTouch.
Now I will provide you with my thoughts on why the iPodTouch has succeeded where other devices have failed:
1.) It is Mom's device. There is a mystique with being allowed to play with an adult "toy."
2.) It's instantaneous. Push a button and it's on it full, sharp, colorful glory. No warming up, no waiting, no cartridges
3.) It's tactile. With young children, fine motor skills are still not well developed. With the iPhone/iPodTouch interface, even the little greasy fingers and thumbs can manuever around.
4.) It changes all the time. Not only can children move the icons around themselves (they love the jiggly icons) but new apps appear all the time.
5.) It also holds music, photo and videos.
Having purchased and downloaded far too many apps in the past few months, these are the ones that continue to be hits amongst our young children:
1.) ichalky. A chalk, stick figure moves around the screen. children love putting their own photo on the head. This app in itself is a 30 minute time-sink!
2.) Breakout. The 3-year-old boy loves this game. Perfect for kids who love ball games.
3.) imilk, ibeer. Avery simple game (doesn't do much) but kids seem to like to make whipped cream (imilk)
4.) ifart. need I say more?
5.) Snowman. Perfect for the little kid
The biggest challenge is now coordinating iPodTouch time among the two children. If only they had a solution for this!


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Huskers Begin Competition at Gopher Invitational
Minneapolis, Minn.- The Huskers kick off the Gohper Invitational on Friday, facing Depaul in both singles and doubles play at the Baseline Tennis Center.
The tournament includes DePaul, Dartmouth, Denver, Drake, and Nebraska. All will compete in the four day tournament.
For the singles competition, there will be 8 groups (A, B, C…). Each group will have 1 player from each team, totaling 5 players for each group. Each player will play 4 other players within their group. No one will play someone on their own team, and there will be no repeat matches vs. the same player. DePaul is the only team that will not have 8 players, so Group H will only have 5 players.
For doubles competition, there will be 4 groups (A, B, C, & D). Each group will have 1 doubles team from each team, totaling 5 teams for each group. Each doubles team will play 4 of the other teams within their group.
All results will be posted to Huskers.com following play, and live streaming coverage can be found on the schedule page.


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Polly's first guest blogDecember 12, 2011 at 9:01 pm | Posted in rheumatoid arthritis (RA) | 2 Comments
Tags: arthritis, blogging, guest blog, Rheumatoid arthritis, the patient experience, Tiny Cat 2
Possibly less exciting than 'baby's first tooth' or in our case perhaps Tiny Cat 2's first brave trip into the living room, but still pretty exciting. I have a guest blog over on The Patient Experience … so a quick hello to all you new readers, and I hope some of you will stick around!
I also wanted to post a new take on the age-old moan of just about every RA victim/patient/sufferer I know: the frustration of trying to explain it to people. I think every RA blogger must have blogged about this at some point, too. I know I have. But here's a new take on it that I think is lovely, from Carole, who commented on this blog recently. Talking about the number of people who don't understand about RA (and in her case MS too!) she said: 'Hopefully they will remain blissfully unawakened.' A very nice, charitable way of looking at it, I thought!
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The NBA Finals is returning to a 2-2-1-1-1 format in a change unanimously approved Wednesday by the owners during their meetings in New York.
The league had used a 2-3-2 format for the Finals since 1985 mainly because of travel concerns, but this season the final three games of the championship series, if necessary, will alternate between cities.
Commissioner David Sterm announced the switch at his final Board of Governors meetings before he retires on Feb. 1 after 30 years on the job. He said it was unfair for the team with the better record to be on the road for three games.
Since the 1985 season, the team with the home-court advantage at the start of the NBA Finals is 21-8.
The first three rounds of the playoffs will not change from the 2-2-1-1-1 format currently in place.
Meanwhile, NBA general managers picked the Miami Heat to win their third consecutive championship this season.
The Indiana Pacers and San Antonio Spurs tied for second behind the Heat as the team most likely to take the title in a poll conducted by NBA.com.
Heat star LeBron James was selected to claim his second league MVP award in a row and his fifth overall. If he fulfills that prediction, James would tie with Michael Jordan and Bill Russell, one behind Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's six.
One change from last year's preseason voting is Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers not being named as the top shooting guard in the league for the first time in 12 years. The GMs went with Houston's James Harden.
Their pick for rookie of the year is Orlando Magic guard Victor Oladipo, a first-round pick from Indiana.
---Brendan Malone has resigned as an assistant coach on his son's staff with the Sacramento Kings.
Mike Malone, starting his first year as the Kings' head coach, hired his father in late June after he accepted the position. Chris Jent will take over as the lead assistant.
Malone joined his son after five seasons with the Orlando Magic working for coach Stan Van Gundy. He also was the first coach of the Toronto Raptors and head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers for 18 games, and he served as an assistant with the Detroit Pistons, New York Knicks and Indiana Pacers.
The younger Malone was the lead assistant with the Golden State Warriors before accepting the Kings' job. He replaced Keith Smart, who was let go after less than two seasons on the job in Sacramento.
The Malones join Eric and Bill Musselman as the only father-son duos to hold head-coaching jobs in the NBA.
---Cleveland Cavaliers fans won't have to worry about guard Kyrie Irving, forward Tristan Thompson, guard Dion Waiters and center Tyler Zeller players from going anywhere else any time soon.
The team announced Wednesday that it has exercised fourth-year options on Irving and Thompson, as well as third-year options on guard Dion Waiters and center Tyler Zeller.
Irving was the No. 1 pick in the 2011 draft. Since then, he's averaged 20.6 points, 3.7 rebounds, 5.7 assists and 1.3 steals in 32.8 minutes through 110 career games with the Cavaliers.
By the team exercising its option, Irving, a 2013 All-Star choice, will be locked up contractually through at least the 2014-15 season.
Thompson was selected No. 4 in the first round of the 2011 draft and owns career averages of 10.2 points and 8.2 rebounds in 28.1 minutes through 142 (107 starts) games played.
He set a franchise record for most offensive rebounds in a single-season with 306, which ranked second in the NBA, surpassing Zydrunas Ilgauskas' 299 during the 2004-05 season.
Waiters was the Cavs' fourth pick in the 2012 draft and appeared in 61 games last season as a rookie, averaging 14.7 points on .412 shooting, 2.4 rebounds, 3.0 assists and 1.0 steal in 28.8 minutes. He was also named to the NBA's All-Rookie First Team.
Zeller was a first round pick (17th overall) in the 2012 draft by the Dallas Mavericks, but was acquired shortly thereafter on the same day by the Cavaliers in a trade.
In 77 games last season, Zeller averaged 7.9 points on .438 shooting and 5.7 rebounds in 28.0 minutes. He was named to the NBA's All-Rookie Second Team.


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Mary Woods teased her hair minutes before she was to go on stage for the talent portion of the third annual Inland Empire Zombie Beauty Pageant on Sunday night in Redlands, Calif.
It was Woods' third attempt to take home the title at the event sponsored by Forbidden Panel, an independent publishing company and event coordinator specializing in graphic novels, comic books, and multimedia, to crown the most sought-after Zombie-fied beauties in the area.
"I just love it. It is so fun," Woods said as she took a quick break from caring for her hair. "I love reuniting with the girls from previous years, and meeting new friends ... to get gory and gross."
Woods was among 10 women after the crown, which was to be awarded by last year's winner, Jasmine Garcia.
Garcia's year-long reign was recognized with a slide show after the 10 ladies graced the stage in an opening number that mixed Michael Jackson's "Thriller" with Metallica's "Enter Sandman."
While staying in character as Betty Bites, Garcia sat chained to a chair as she was viewed the pageant unfold under the careful watch of the ever-present Zombie Kill Squad, snarling at contestants as they were escorted to their holding cells.
"There's a lot of great talent out here," Garcia remarked. "I'm excited to get to watch the show this time around."
More than 400 people turned out to see this year's pageant, which had three categories — talent, swimsuit and evening wear.
The crowd showed its support for their favorite contestants by hooting and hollering for the ones they wanted to win.
Once the competition was complete, ticket holders were asked to place their votes in ballot boxes.
Krickett Dortch, as "Myra Mains," received the most votes.
As the pageant got underway, a humbled AJ Herrera, who founded the pageant, said he was a bit overwhelmed by the turnout, but was happy to see the event grow.
Because attendance shot up — 300 attended the 2012 pageant — Herrera said they may have to seek a new venue next year.
Herrera, the founder and editor-in-chief of Forbidden Panel, called the large turnout "creepy".
"As people kept walking in, I was like, 'I don't know you. Go home. Go home. Stop being here,'" he said.
Not only did the pageant see an increase in attendance, it also caught the attention of MTV, which was filming excepts and interviewing contestants.
"Everyone has really upped their game, and it seems (the pageant) is becoming some sort of a tradition," Herrera said. "I'm happy to see it grow."


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Chiefs Edwards fires offensive coordinator Solari, three others
By ADAM TEICHER
The Kansas City Star
The Chiefs had their worst season rushing the ball in a non-strike year under Mike Solari (center), who was promoted to offensive coordinator by Herm Edwards in 2006.
The first casualties of the Chiefs 4-12 season came Tuesday, when four assistant coaches, including offensive coordinator Mike Solari, were fired.The others fired were John Matsko (offensive line), Charlie Joiner (wide receivers) and James Saxon (running backs). Solari, Joiner and Saxon were remnants from the staff of former coach Dick Vermeil. Vermeils quarterback coach, Terry Shea, was fired last year.
Dick Curl (quarterbacks) and Jon Embree (tight ends) were the only main offensive assistant coaches retained. Each joined the Chiefs two years ago when Herm Edwards was hired as head coach.
Herm did what he had to do, Solari said. We just didnt get it done offensively. It just didnt work out.
Edwards wasnt available to comment, so it wasnt immediately clear which way he would proceed with the offense. But Paul Hackett could become a candidate to be the coordinator.
Hackett served as Chiefs offensive coordinator from 1993-97, when he left to become head coach at Southern California. The Chiefs made the playoffs in all but one of Hacketts five seasons, but they scored only 47 points in his final four postseason games, all losses.
Since leaving the Chiefs, Hackett also served four seasons as Edwards offensive coordinator for the New York Jets. He has been quarterbacks coach for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for the past three seasons.
The Chiefs scored only 226 points this season, the worst for a 16-game schedule in their history. They scored more than 20 points only once in their nine-game, season-ending losing streak, and that happened back on Nov. 4 against Green Bay.
Solari joined the Chiefs as their offensive line coach in 1997 and served in that capacity under three different head coaches. He gained a reputation as one of the best line coaches in the NFL and was promoted to coordinator when Edwards joined the Chiefs in 2006.
But the Chiefs, who had one of the NFLs highest-scoring offensive teams for several seasons while Al Saunders was their coordinator, couldnt continue the pace with Solari calling the plays. Scoring and yardage dropped dramatically in Solaris first year and even more precipitously this season.
Solari had never been an NFL offensive coordinator until Edwards took a chance on him. Solari indicated he would return to coach the line for another team next season.
If the opportunity arises to be a coordinator again someday, I might look at it, he said. But for the time being, Im going to be an offensive line coach.
Joiner, a Hall of Fame wide receiver, and Saxon, who once played for the Chiefs, joined the Chiefs in 2001 as Vermeil was becoming their head coach. Matsko, a veteran line coach, joined the Chiefs when Edwards arrived.
He presided over the decline of what was once one of the leagues best offensive lines. But this season, the Chiefs allowed 55 sacks, second in team history, and rushed for just 1,248 yards, lowest in team history other than the strike-shortened 1982 season.


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The popular 'Lincoln' will be playing Friday, Jan. 18 through Sunday, Jan. 20,
The popular Lincoln will be playing Friday, Jan. 18 through Sunday, Jan. 20, at the Augusta Historic Theatre, 523 State. Tickets are $6.
The drama is directed by Steven Spielberg is 2 1/2 hours and is rated PG-13.
The cast includes Daniel Day-Lewis, Sally Field, and Tommy Lee Jones.
A revealing drama that focuses on the 16th President's tumultuous final months in office. In a nation divided by war and the strong winds of change, Lincoln pursues a course of action designed to end the war, unite the country and abolish slavery.
Show times are 7:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday nights and 2 p.m. on Sunday.
For more information, call the hotline at 775-3661.