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From: Phoenix
Category: Superhero Chat
Date: 29 Mar 2006
Time: 20:13:07 -0600
You are the third aspiring filmmaker here, my friend. A guy posted ages back, and Howard Films is planning a documentary this fall as well. Unfortunately, I promised Howard Films my sole PR rights, so I really can't participate in anything until they're done their project. Good Luck though.

subset: commoncrawl


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This remarkable family home has a terrific floorplan, is perfectly positioned down a quiet, quaint street and is only a stone's throw away from the gorgeous waterways. Offering 4 bedrooms, master with ensuite, 2 separate living areas and a lovely kitchen with lots of bench space to enable the chef of the house to whip up a storm. The kitchen overlooks the living area as well as the outdoor
22 Brightstone Drive, Clyde North VIC 3978 was last sold in 2017 and
194 other house in Clyde North have recently been sold.
Peake Real Estate


text:
10 June | Teachers from several Mexican states are on strike and have organized camps in front of the Ministry of the Interior.
Óscar Fernández
20 April | As Trump deploys the National Guard to the Mexican border, hundreds of Central American migrants are marching across Mexico to protest the U.S. president's anti-immigrant (...)
Sergio Moissen
13 April | An immediate mobilization of workers and popular sectors — on both sides of the border — is necessary to demand the withdrawal of the National Guard and an end to deportations and Trump's border (...)
Pablo Oprinari
29 January | A brewery steals the drinking water of people living in the valleys of Baja California, Mexico. It's yet another imperialist oppression that Mexicans constantly (...)
22 November 2017 | In the midst of heightened xenophobia and anti-Latino sentiment in Donald Trump's USA, Disney's newest animated hit, Coco, appropriates an old Mexican tradition.
Juan Castellanos
13 October 2017 | Terremoto–earthquake. Economists, political scientists and analysts thus describe the effects of Trump's arrival to the White House on the neighboring semi-colony of (...)
Jimena Vergara
30 September 2017 | Far more than half of the reported deaths due to the earthquake in Mexico City were women due to unsafe working conditions and the segregation of domestic labor. But women refuse to be victims (...)
Tatiana Cozzarelli
28 September 2017 | The millennial generation has a bad rap: selfish, self centered and always online. The Mexican earthquake of 2017 dispels all of these myths and is forging a new definition of (...)
Brenda Ballesteros
21 September 2017 | After a massive earthquake hits Mexico City, a massive relief effort is organized by everyday people.
18 September 2017 | Left Voice interviewed Claudio Escobar whose family lives in Ixtaltepec, Oaxaca, one of the cities hit the hardest by the recent earthquake in Mexico. Claudio is currently visiting his family and (...)
8 September 2017 | An urgent action has been called by Section 22 of the Coordinadora Nacional de Trabajadores de la Educación (CNTE) to organize relief brigades for the regions devastated by last night's (...)
Tre Kwon
24 August 2017 | The case of racist and anti-immigrant former sheriff Joe Arpaio took the spotlight after Trump announced he was assessing his pardon.
Barbara Funes
26 July 2017 | Ten immigrants found dead in Texas due to heat exposure and asphyxiation.
Mira Craig-Morse
18 July 2017 | Mexican workers in the US made up a combative and radicalised community with an admirable tradition of militant activity and strong links to the Mexican (...)
Pablo Pozzi
29 May 2017 | MEXICO: On Saturday, thousands of Mexican workers organized work stoppages at several supermarkets including those by owned by Walton family, such as Walmart, Sam's Club (...)
1 May 2017 | On International Workers' Day, tens of thousands of people demonstrated in Mexico City. The oppositional trade union federations protested against precarious working conditions and the (...)
Wladek Flakin
27 April 2017 | Internationalism is a strategic necessity. As the Mexican working class begins to mobilize, workers in the US and Mexico must unite against the capitalists and the (...)
26 April 2017 | US imperialist penetration in Mexico exists on many levels, profing off of the flow of goods, but limiting the flow of people. The War on Drugs, as well as the huge demand for drugs created an (...)
28 February 2017 | Last year, the Zapatista Army of National Liberation announced that it would launch an indigenous candidacy alongside the National Indigenous Congress for the 2018 presidential elections in (...)
9 January 2017 | A rise in gas prices (gasolinazo), electricity bills and consumer prices has channeled popular discontent against Peña Nieto's administration, sparking protests across the (...)
22 December 2016 | Faced with scandals and oppositional mobilizations, the Peña Nieto administration is in a downward spiral. What hardships has Peña Nieto's government faced in the past (...)
21 December 2016 | Under Barack Obama, the situation of Mexicans and Central Americans was unsustainable. With Trump, millions of families face a dire future.
7 November 2016 | The invitation by Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto to the racist Republican candidate Donald Trump sparked widespread indignation. Yet, Clinton also has policies that will hurt Mexicans. (...)
Rosalio Negrete
20 September 2016 | A young Mexican writes a letter to her immigrant mother living and working in the United States. She talks about her path from hating her mother for leaving her to understanding her. She now (...)
Zuiri Hernández


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uggs toddler Hundreds of fans queue to meet Rolf Harris in Norwich
Whether it's for his wobble board playing, his impressive works of art, or his catchy songs such as Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport, Rolf Harris must be one of Australia's most loved personalities.
And at the weekend, hundreds of people in Norwich got the chance to meet the larger than life character when he visited the Artique Gallery, in the Royal Arcade.
Dressed in a quirky combination of a suit, colourful tie and Ugg style boots, Rolf spent Saturday afternoon enthusiastically meeting delighted fans in the gallery.
From evocative images of animals in Africa to bold cityscapes, the whole gallery was filled with Rolf's original oil paintings and signed prints. And, as he stepped into the space for the first time, Rolf enjoyed a quick look around at some of his paintings, passionately pointing out some of his favourites, before turning his attention to the crowds that had gathered to meet him.
About 700 people had registered for tickets for the event and the lengthy queue stretched back from the Royal Arcade to past the The Mall entrance at the Back of the Inns.
Rolf said that he thought the gallery looked great and that it was amazing to see so many people there.
Arriving fashionably late, he joked to the crowds: "Thank goodness you have all arrived; I have been waiting for hours!"
Ellen Futter, from Norwich, was the first person to meet Rolf and he greeted her with a kiss on the hand and sang to her.
Afterwards she said: "He was very, very nice, an absolutely fantastic man, and very much a gentleman."
Peter and Erica Woodhouse, 81 and 67, from Old Catton, and who used to live in Kenya, came to meet Rolf after buying one of his oil paintings Tsavo Orphans After Mud Wallow.
The couple used to live in the Tsavo area with their four boys, and Mrs Woodhouse said they wanted the painting because they had fond memories of their sons riding elephants like those in the painting.
Mrs Woodhouse said: "It was wonderful to meet Rolf, an absolutely fantastic experience. He was absolutely charming.
"He has been to Tsavo and you can see he has really got the feel for the place in his painting."
Jayne Eglen, 38, from Dereham, took her daughter, Georgia, aged five, to meet Rolf. "Rolf serenaded Georgia and asked her if she was a ballerina because of the way she skipped over to him," she said. "When I was a child I used see Rolf on TV and watch Rolf's Cartoon Club. It is fantastic to have actually met him."
Rolf had been due to be at the gallery until 3pm, but actually stayed until past 6pm so that he was able to spend time with everyone who had queued to see him.
Maria Crutchley, gallery manager, said: "We had an overwhelming response to the event and Rolf was absolutely brilliant. He was just so good with his fans and wanted to spend some time with each of them. He was singing and giving us a little dance. He is just so full of joy. It was a really successful day."


text: EAB Daily Briefing View the Archives Print Today's Stories Around the industry: Stanford University receives its largest-ever individual donation Bite-sized college and higher education industry news 8:32 AM - February 29, 2016 Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Email Save Print California: Stanford University has received a $400 million donation from Nike co-founder Philip Knight, marking the largest individual cash donation in the school's history. According to the university, the gift will be part of a $750 million endowment to create a "graduate-level scholarship designed to prepare a new generation of global leaders." The first group of students, whose education will be funded for three years, will begin their studies in 2018 (Thomason, "The Ticker," Chronicle of Higher Education, 2/24). Massachusetts: Faculty dorm leaders at Harvard University who were previously referred to as "masters" will now be called "faculty deans," in light of concerns about racially charged language. College officials received complaints that the title "master" had historical ties to slavery. Dean of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences Michael Smith says while he has not seen a direct connection between the "master" title and slavery, he says "dean" is more fitting of the position (AP/New York Times, 2/25). Texas: University of Texas at Austin Dean of Architecture Fritz Steiner announced Thursday that he will leave the school, largely because of the state's impending campus carry law. "I would have never applied for another job if not for campus carry," Steiner said in an interview. "I felt that I was going to be responsible for managing a law I didn't believe in." He will serve as dean of the University of Pennsylvania School of Design beginning July 1 (Watkins, Texas Tribune, 2/25). EAB Daily Briefing Professors encouraged to teach more cautiously in wake of campus carry Next in Today's Briefing To improve retention, some institutions try revamping freshman year Next Briefing Today's EAB Daily Briefing Today's EAB Daily Briefing Featured Want to stop your staff from quitting? Ditch the traditional performance review. 7:30 AM - June 18, 2018 5 mistakes you make in the first 30 seconds of public speaking 7:30 AM - June 18, 2018 How this college raised freshman retention 7 points in 2 years 7:30 AM - June 18, 2018 The top 25 university brands in the world 7:30 AM - June 18, 2018 What adult students want out of college 7:30 AM - June 18, 2018


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FiOS can't show Sabres in high-def
This is what I'm thinking:
*Some Buffalo Sabres fans who considered dropping Time Warner Cable in favor of Verizon's new FiOS have done a Brian Campbell spin-a-rama because of a hat trick of hockey issues.
They have dropped plans to switch because FiOS isn't carrying the Sabres home games off MSG in HD.
Verizon wants FiOS to carry the games in HD (the Sabres want them to do so also) but Verizon claims that MSG's owner, Cablevision, only provides the games to it in standard definition and is "skirting around" some rules to keep it from carrying them in HD. If so, that prevents it from competing fairly with this area's largest cable company. Verizon added it has complained to the Federal Communications Commission.
FiOS also doesn't yet have a deal to carry CBC but a spokesman said it eventually plans to offer the network that carries Hockey Night in Canada. It also doesn't yet have a deal with The NHL Network or NHL HD, which will carry the HNIC Saturday doubleheaders. However, FiOS carries the NFL Network -- which isn't on TWC -- on its basic service.
Amusingly, TWC subscribers can get CBC's games in HD via NHL Network HD when the local Toronto affiliate, CBLT, isn't carried in HD. The Sabres have five games on the 75-game NHL HD schedule, including a Jan. 28 game in Calgary.
*Clarification: The reports that ESPN analyst Matthew Barnaby will do for ESPN.com are video reports, not written ones.
Time to rake leaves. With the Bills on a bye Sunday and it being a Fox doubleheader week, viewers who can get Channel 4 without cable are only getting the 1 p.m. game Sunday between the New York Jets and the winless Cincinnati Bengals. So clearly there won't be much pressure on TWC here to kiss and make up with LIN TV this weekend.
*Nine of the Bills' future games are on CBS, with the Nov. 17 game with Cleveland on ESPN and the Nov. 30 San Francisco game on WUTV, the Fox affiliate. If the Bills continue to play well, a late-season game could move to NBC's Sunday Night Football as a flex game, too.
I hate to think of the fallout if the Bills make the playoffs and this lose-lose TWC/LIN battle isn't over.
*A sign that the Apocalypse is coming: CBS reports that ratings for its Elitexc Saturday Night Fights last Saturday topped college football and the major league baseball playoffs in the key young male demographic. The mixed martial arts card placed first in men aged 18 to 34 and tied for first in men 18 through 49 against other sports events.
*Remember Chuck Howard, the former Channel 4 sportscaster? The pride of Pine Valley, who left Channel 4 to work in Charlotte in 1995, sent along a Charlotte Observer article that reports he is becoming the news producer for NASCAR. According to Mark Washburn of the Observer, "Howard will develop shows and stories for television, radio and Internet outlets as part of a larger effort by NASCAR to connect with local news outlets nationwide."
Speaking of NASCAR, ESPN reports that Buffalo ranked 17th in the country among the top 50 markets for ABC's coverage of the Talladega Sprint Cup race with a 6.1 rating. ESPN noted that the rating was higher than it was in Norfolk and Atlanta, which are considered NASCAR stronghold markets. Three of the four Sprint Cup races had a rating of 4.5 or higher in Buffalo, with the area finishing No. 15 for the race in New Hampshire (beating Atlanta, Norfolk and Tampa-St. Petersburg) and No. 16 for the Kansas race (beating Norfolk, Jacksonville, Atlanta and Memphis).
*Here's some good news for long-suffering fans of the New York Knicks. Their games this season will be carried locally on MSG HD, which means they won't be pre-empted by Sabres games. The Sabre games are on a separate HD channel. The Knicks games also air on TWC 13 or Channel 72 when Sabre games pre-empt the standard definition feed.
*Because of the TWC-LIN dispute, the Bills' 41-17 loss to Arizona Sunday was available to only about half of the Western New York market and had about half its normal rating. The 20.4 rating on WIVB-TV still was higher than the NFL market teams playing in Miami, Seattle, Atlanta and San Francisco-Oakland.
e-mail: email@example.com


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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54527827010736742712018-03-06T12:02:14.219-08:00Richard Hardistyrichard j hardistyhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-28208443081574043452011-08-16T00:47:00.000-07:002011-08-16T03:19:09.759-07:00"EMPATHY"I CANT SLEEP SO THOUGHT DUMPING MY BRAIN MAY HELP!

EMPATHY...

Sorry I havnt slept and its keeping me awake.

This may not make sense.

Or it may make a lot?

NONE OF THIS IS MEANT TO SOUND LIKE HIPPY MENTALISM!

I just Cant stop thinking about the riots.

Comments posted by good friends of mine.

My tummy feels twisted and confused.

Empathy.

Understanding.

We need this now more than ever.

Unless you wanna see more rioting?

To me this is due to a lack of connection.

Disasosiation.

Its really dangerous when you lose that human connection.

Ive seen posts saying"sub human scum"

The second you declare someone" sub human".

Its all over.

That's how the Nazis did what they did.

Portrayed the jews as sub human.

That's how they convinced so many to stand and watch with out remorse.

Once you de-humanise someone.

Anything is possible.

No guilt.

No empathy.

No emotion.

Its how we train young kids now to go and fight in wars.

By portraying the people they are killing as "things"

Make them out to be monsters.

Less than men,

Shutting off that thing that connects us.

It's the only way they can survive and keep sane over there.

These rioting kids now have lost that connection with society.

with us.

Since the collapse in 2001 of the twin towers these "youfs" many of whom were 7ish at the time.

Have grown up with more and more contradicting information coming in that ever,.

More transparency to the lies we get fed.

We are a different generation.

Still Stuck in our ways.

As our parents must have seemed to us.

Still semi indoctrinated that what we are told is true.

These guys are the internet generation.

Think of whats happened the last 10 years.

As their minds grew.

As they were learning what's right and wrong.

At a critical stage in their lives that their view on the world is being formed and shaped.

They've seen more and more shite be exposed than ever before.

We all used to believe that WE are the good guys.

They've had constant stream of lies and seeds of doubt.

Our leaders and governments going to war over oil.

Missing weapons of mass destruction.

Banks fucking people.

Murdoch and the media feeding a constant stream of propaganda.

Documentarys pointing out what a raw deal most people are getting.

Wikileaks showing what our so called heroes are doing I foreign countrys.

The media has crumbled.

Not one person controls what the majority sees any more

And the minoritys have realized they are infact the majority.

Everyone around them lies and fucks people.

EVERYONE!

Nothing seems true?

So what are morals???

Don't get me wrong it was going on when we grew up to.

BUT WE JUST COULDN'T SEE IT!

But the internet has laid it bare.

And now they are getting pissed and confused.

Plus they can now physically see on websites how strong in numbers they are.

And sooner or later they are gonna say

 "fuck it there are more of us than the wealthy"

 "our army is stronger"

"We are taking what we need"

"They can't lock us all up?"

chaos.

Unless we use the internet wisely?

It seems a safe way to start this connection and promote it from a far.

A lack of connection allows you to do anything guilt free.

Like Psychopaths.

Huge Co operations are a good example in my eyes.

Co oporations to me are not like individuals or human beings.

So i feel no guilt taking what I want from them by what ever means necessary.

(as I'm sure they don't see me as an individual but instead as a commodity)

But if I were stealing from a lonely man in his shop yes I do.

My step dad used to throw the cat out by the scruff off its neck and kick it and I would get sad and hold it coz I felt a connected to it.

He didn't.

that's not coz he's bad.

That connection was just missing.

Probably because his dad did the same to their cat.

I only lived with him a short time.

(dad not cat)

Ive spent lots of time with different families and never felt particularly loyal or close to mine growing up so never got indoctrinated to any particular one.

But saw the differences in each and picked and chose what suited me best.

These kids today simply don't feel that loyalty or closeness to society AT ALL!

The one we and older generations grew up feeling.

Getting the Sunday papers.

Seeing whats going on in OUR world.

"Ahhh The great British press…good old trustworthy blighty"

WELL THESE KIDS DONT TRUST A WORD OF THAT!

Its fuck all to them.

Just a load of liars.

Its every where we look people being exposed making mistakes lying…being human.

(I doubt these kids avidly sit and watch news night)

But Its all going in their little brains subconsciously.

Just Like the subtle advertising that makes YOU all look the way you do.

And feel bad because you don't own the right shoes or fucking Casio watch.

We see these young kids on the news saying stupid stuff and sounding like horrific dicks.

But that's coz they don't have the education or intelligence to communicate what they feel in words.

But I can feel their anger,

They just don't have the Intelligence or mental capacity to vocalize it.

So they just sound stupid and smash stuff and swear instead.

Coz that's what people do in communities where they live.

IM NOT SAYING ALL OF THEM!

But I saw woman with 5 kids in hackney and a car drove past and she screamed

"il fucking kill you you clumsy cunt driving that fucking close to me!"

So that's 5 kids fucked right there!!!!

No doubt next time someone does something her kids don't like they will react the same.

They see that anger is the way to let people know how you feel.

And if their friends are easily influenced so will they.

And so on.

And so on.

thats how it works.

A brain learning to adapt to its envioronment to survive.

Capitalism teaches us to be the same but in a more civilized way.

To pleasantly fuck each other on a daily basis.

e.g

If i'm selling shoes kettles or what ever and mine arent the best

And you ask me if they are?

I say"why yes of course!"

I don't WANT to lie to you.

But if I tell you that down the rd they are cheaper and better,

I go out of business!!

Simple.

So you are subconsciously being forced to fuck people.

But"hey that's life!"

I hate that.

In the words of paul calf"BAG O SHITE"!

RIGHT IM SERIOUSLY TIRED NOW AND IM OFF TO HUNT UNDER ROCKS FOR WOOD LOUSE.

SERIOUSLY.

Sorry about that rant,.

I've just been sat awake and felt this necessary.

Hope I havnt annoyed or upset anyone.

i love you.

Good Night/morning!

xxx
richard j hardistyhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-82463134789056067112011-06-24T06:22:00.000-07:002011-06-24T06:22:02.687-07:00"sorry this was meant to just be a status update,it just got to long"i suppose this is mainly one for the babes out there!

any ways.

I had one of those weird moments on the tube the other day.
you know where it feels like you've taken acid.
but you havnt.
you know when you seem to see things how they are all of a sudden and it hits you in your tummy and makes you go..."woah" in your brain.

im not saying what im about to in a bitter way like those ladies on loose women.
im just saying this in a totally perplexed way.

i was sat on the tube looking at a frail model on an advert.
then looked around me at the packed tube and saw how completely different everyone looked and thought" hang on"?
models are the tiny minority?
these weak individuals.

if it came to fight like the planet was starving we would BATTER them!!!
(not that they would be putting up a fight for the food)
(would be the ultimate act of selfishness to take the last remaining grain of rice...then puke it back up)
but instead we pay them millions!!
Then put them on pictures every where and worship them and feel bad about our selves?

we could very easily all turn round and go FREAKS!!!..and make them feel terrible.
because there are more of us?

we could literally all stand up and go "YOU ARE FUCKING HIDEOUS."...and if we all did it...what could they do?
nothing.
you cant really argue can you?

its like if a really pleasant alien was observing us and landed and sat and observed the situation totally objectively and sanely
(a sort of slimy green psychiatrist)
and asked...
"why do you feel so bad"?
its coz i dont feel i look right.
"why"?
because i dont look like her.
"so"?
well that's how your supposed to look.
"But no one does...ive been looking at your planet for ages and there only a few"?

he'd think we were off our tits!!!!
and we are arnt we?
we are doing this to our selves.

what the heck happened?

he'd probably say ...
"oh so are they very gifted then...im assuming that they must be super intelligent"???

NOPE SORRY WRONG AGAIN!!!

their input to the world generally consists of nothing but making people feel bad.

its not their fault tho.
what do you expect?
we live in a world where you have to make money to survive...

"oi you"
me?
"yeah do you want 500 grand to stand with your hands on your hips and make your lips go a bit bigger'?
nah not for me thanks!

they are just trying to make a living.
fair play to them.

its ours.
we do it to ourselves.

isnt this weird to anyone???

or is it just me?
THEY are the odd ones out?

you here about these people getting a raw deal in ethnic minoritys.
well there are less models than any ethnic minority?

we could all become "modelists" and bully the shit out of them!!

originally we must have chosen beauty as survival of the fittest .
an evolutionary thing.
the big strong man etc.
but the media that we created has become really warped.
weve twisted it into a hideous beast.
one that uses ill people?
ILL PEOPLE!!!

HAHA how mad is that??????

im actually laughing now thinking about it.
how it must look.

when i was sat there the other day and had my acid moment it was like that bit in" the devils advocate" when the 2 sexy women go shopping with keanu reeves wife and they smile then their faces go all scary.

IM NOT ON A HIGH HORSE HERE!!!!

PLEASE DON'T THINK THAT!

i know i'm not saying anything revolutionary.
its just making me laugh the power of the media.
if you can make someone feel bad because they dont look like minority of ill people .
somethings gone weird.

anyways.

Im off to buy vogue.
apparently cheryls got a new gucci bracelet.
Im hoping to get one.

mwah x

p.s if it doesnt look right on me.
i'm going to hang my self. xrichard j hardistyhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-62034891445946371382011-03-05T13:46:00.000-08:002011-03-06T06:49:57.190-08:00""THIS CONTAINS THE STUPIDEST THING IVE EVER DONE" but has some fair points and Q's that need A's.right ive gone into exhile for a few days.
life was getting to much.
so ive shut down.
its nice.
i feel relaxed.
im at amanvirs.
alone.
nice!

i've not NOT been near someone for over a month.
apart from when i pop to the bog.
and even then a tramp walked in mcdonalds.
coz i couldnt figure the lock out.
i hate that.
espescially on trains!
when its that futuristic buck rogers style door,
that take about a day to open.
and then a day to close.
and its not a simple lock either.
its like an air lock or something with a light?
just give me that bolt thing.
so annoying.
sat there kegs rounds your ankles..
waiting for it to open fully.
and then to close again!
staring everyone good bye as your bright red face finally dissapears,
whilst trying to conceal your goulies with dignity!

bloody futuritstic stuff i hate it.
but wait let me shock you now because....
I ALSO LOVE IT!!!!!!
TECHNOLOGY!!
I DON'T OWN ANY.
BUT I'M OBSESSED WITH IT.
i'm actually watching a doc now on how in the future
a guy just said.
"someone alive today now,will live for ever"

and computers will be as small as cells in our blood we will inject.
and we will communicate through our thoughts.
imagine that!
shutting your blinds
while you are on holiday in St Tropez.
JUST BY THINKING!
scare the shit out of some burglars by making the tv n lights come on and making them think you are home.
even though you are else where getting tanned to shit.
ace.

WOW!
The bloke just said,"in the future you can email a toaster"!
????
THIS IS ALL TRUE!
ITS CALLED "ray kurzweil-transcendent man"

what a strange example tho?
why are scientists always testing things on toasters?
like ghost busters 2.

He said in the future we will have "A.Is"...
(thats thing what the small eyed boy Hayley Joel Osmond played before his balls dropped)
...and he said that,
"everything will be intelligent"
wow.
even the working classes?

JESUS.
i just got scared by a thought.
what if a fly gets in an email with a toaster?
and we have a maniac toaster going round
gobblin up our toast,
then puking i back up?
oh god.

and then our sayings will have to evolve?
" they were all over me like toasters on shit"
fuck.
loads of toasters on your windshield going down the M1!
god what a nightmare.
(maybe those "autoglass repair auto glass replace" people will be secretly happy about this?
maybe they are already breeding toaster fly hybrids???

"Sting" will have to catch one with a net so he can finally have his toast done properly
ON BOTH SIDES!
will he get done for animal cruelty?
fuck me.
lets get back to reality.
im scaring my self.

right.
AHA YES.
A QUESTION THATS BEEN NIGGLING ME?

is it MORE or LESS moral to steal a blind persons shades?
as apposed to a normal eyed boys shades?

FOR EXAMPLE
2 kids....you HAVE to steal one of their shades.
1 blind.
1 not so blind.
not blind at all actually.
infact completely perfect vision.
a "see merchant" if you will.

on one hand you will be stealing from a blind person.
Bad.
but on the other you will be making a good eyed boy squint into the sun?
tricky isnt it.
i mean it seems worse to rob a blind boy.
BUT IS IT???
the debate rages on.
(in my mind)

i suppose if you were really good.
with slight of hand.
like a top notch magician.
(david blaine/paul zennon)
you could just switch them for a wank pair and never tell them about it.
maybe those novelty star shaped ones?
i mean they would never know.
well.
until they suddenly started gettin beaten up on a daily basis for looking like elton john.
and there popularity dwindled.
getting picked last for sport etc.
actually that probably happened anyways coz of the old blindness?

PHEW.
i just got scared they may read this and be offended.
but just checked my lap top.
no brail option.
So i should be ok.

Id hate that!
wouldnt wanna get beaten u by a blindo.
imagine.
they would have to punch you in the face.
then feel you to see the damage.
then punch you again.
god it would take ages!

what was i talking bout again?
AHA yes stealing.

i wonder if on a tube,
A really good thief has ever managed to steal someones ipod as they are listening to it?
that would be amazing!
the height of pick pocketing.
the victim would just suddenly realise they werent listneing to music anymore.
then they would see a bloke on the platform
with a swag bag.
doing the "dutty wine"
or possibly moonwalking over to the central line?
depending how talented he was.

i only say this coz i sometimes i panic that ive had mine stolen.
even tho im still listening to it.
 "MY IPOD...oh phew..its in my pocket and attached to my ears.
i knew it was to much of a coincidence for the tube to be playing the same playlist i made earlier.
plus its full of rude words.
Boris Johnson wouldnt have it!

He probably hates music the idiot.
just likes riding bikes.
and wearing helmets
and cutting bits of ribbons and shaking hands with people.
and trying to get laws passed.
and slagging of bendy buses.
and wearing blue ties to things.

i wonder if he wore a blue tie to school and just got a customed to it .
and that's why he joined the Tories?

Sort of like "stockholm syndrowm".
where you are held hostage.
But you end up identifying with your captors.
and end up not wanting to leave.
like that.
BUT WITH HIS OWN TIE.

"BO-JO"
"the story of one one man held prisoner ...
BY HIS OWN TIE"
starring boris johnson as himself.
and his tie...AS ITS SELF.
in cinemas tuesday.
"YOU WONT BELIVE THIS TORIE"
(story)

what wank idea for a film.

why is it called that anyways?
"STOCKHOLM SYNDROME"

do people in stockholm not leave ther houses?
is that why they are all blonde and fair?
lack of sunlight?
are albinos from stockholm?
no of course there not.
I'm being stupid!!

they are from Albania.

It might be worth stayin in your house more.
if you get your hair bleached
just stay in.
simply tell your boss you've been held captive.
instead of getting highlights.
cheaper.
unless you work in a hairdressers.
in which case get one of them shit trainees to do it.
you know.
the 15 year old ones that sweep hair for free.
poor little pricks.

nowt worse than a job you hate.
My milk round was bad.
cleaning a school was the worst for me.
it wouldnt have been as bad.
if my best mates didnt attend it at the time.
hi guys.
(dan, andy, chris.)

Bastard ball ache.
Espescially at the grammer school partys,
with there sexy posh totty!

"hey what's your name"?
rich!
"who you here with"?
oh dan...you know Dan Cowley?
"aha yeah...do you go to grammer"?
nope.
"are you sure...i'm sure i've seen you..."
NOPE...DEFINATELY NOT!!!
"hang on a minute i know where i..."
SEE YA!!!!!

actually it was ok at one point.
i got dubbed "fit cleaner boy"
pleasant but annoying that.

It was like "i like the first part babes,
but can we leave the cleaner boy bit?"
or maybe i'll just lie and say there is someone else they call fit "dirty boy"?

its an option.

it happened again later in life actually.
when a woman said
"oh you know who your like dont you?"
i was thinking "go on love spit it out"
(prob jude law/brad pitt)
"your like a handsome MR BEAN"!
NOW dont get me wrong!
i love rowan atkinson.
and indeed mr bean.
but i like him for one reason, and one reason only.
because he's a FOOL!

its like being called.
a "hunky George Bush"!

OOOH POLITICAL!
look at me!

coming over here trying my damndest to be american.
Then slaggin em off!
who do i think i am?

They are mad tho.
The Americans!
do some crazy shit.

RIGHT.
THATS IT.
FUCK ME THAT KILLED!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD
I SWEAR IVE JUST DONE THIS!
IVE NEVER DONE THS BEFORE
BUT IM WRITING THIS FROM AMANVIRS FLAT.
AND JUST BROKE OFF FROM WRITING.
TO BRUSH MY TEETH.
coz my tongue was hurting
(do you ever get that?)
its wierd.
coz i havnt used mine today yet?

ANYWAYS!
i just saw some stuff on the side so cleaned it up,
on route to the bath room.
but some where along the way.
my brain must have backfired and become confused.
(like when you talk to some one and type simoultaniuosly)
(but then type what you are saying instead)
because i just started brushing my teeth...
WITH A SPOON!!!!!!
FUCK ME!
IT JUST CLANGED AGAINST MY TEETH!!!
I REALLY WENT FOR IT!!!
what a penis.
Thats one of the most painful stupidest things i've EVER done.

Baring in mind you are talking to a guy
who cut his head to shreds
by "bicking" it with his mums leg razor in a fit of rage.
because his hair didn't go enough like Paul Gasgoines!

fuck me!
and ive got metal filings!
that was close.
where was i?

ah yes STUPID AMERICANS!

its wierd because EVERYONE used to wanna be American!
as kids.
put your hand up now who wanted to be american as a kid??
DONT ACTUALLY DO IT YOU THICKO!
you'll look mentally ill.
put it down.
infact if you did actually pop it up.
you should probably check your family tree.
it may very well have some american in it!

(family tree... we've all got a bit of "Bush"in our tree)
(must be a good metaphor for everyone being a bit thick at times in there)

OH GOD LOOK AT ME!
im not having a go.
i mean it in a nice way.
IM half one for Christs sakes.

(probably the half that comes up with these blogs)

But seriously.
they do some mad shit over here!

and some of em do look a bit mad to.
just
well.
bigger.
larger
FATTER!
sounds like some sort of daft punk song!
(i mean the group)
i wasnt sounding like some o.a.p.."those silly daft punks"
type of thing.

OH yeah.
coz i been getting into SCIENCE and BLACK HOLES n that.
(dont be rude,Steven Hawkins like them)
(and he cant be a pervy)
(his penis hasnt moved in 40 years)
or has it???
he'd have to drive forward,
then reverse,
loads!
just keep doing that.
forward.
and reverse.
forward.
and reverse.
forward....and reverse again!

did you know,
He drives that small car he lives in with the only muscle left working in his body.
in his cheek!
that is seriously amazing!
what a legend.
"ohhh... steven...your so cheeky"
ARE....YOU...TAK...ING...THE ....PISS?
"no i was being metaphorical"
O...K.
"so what will it be?
LAP....DANCE....PLEASE.
"oh not again,cant we do something else"
PISS....OFF...SLAG!

SO.
any ways yeah science and my brilliant theory.
apparently the larger a planet is.
the stronger its gravity.
SO maybe that's why fat people are considered to be sweaty and "dirtier."
maybe its not there fault?
they wash like normal human beings.
but they have a stronger gravitational pull!
so dirt sticks to them easier.
and smell.
possibly.
does gravity affect smell?
nope.
sorry you stinky boy fat fats.
that really is just your fault.
me and issac newton can help you with the cleanliness thing
but your on your own with the B.O!

im only kidding.
im just harmlessly playing to stereo types.
i dont mean it.

but it is mad.
we WERE ALL obsessed with being American as children.
back in the 80s n 90s,
AS IF IT WAS STRATEGICALLY DESIGNED TO APPEAL TO US?
its like the government was run by kids!
STILL IS!
(satire....get in...high brow)

"excuse me young sir mr president?"
FOR GODS SAKES,
YOU KNOW NOT TO DISTURB ME WHEN I'M PLAYING STREET FIGHTER 7 ON MY SUPER FAMICOM"
"im sorry sir.i didnt even realise that was out yet".
"IT ISNT YET YOU DICKWEED .WE ARE IN AMERICA REMEMBER?
"oh yes my apologies its just,we've had some suggestion on running the country sent from england,
e.g sports, tv,laws etc just have a look see what you think we could just go with the same if you want?"
LET ME SEE THAT BULL SHIT!!!
RIGHT SPORTS...cricket,rugby,bowls ,WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT!
FUCK IVE ALREADY TOLD YOU WHAT WE'RE HAVING...
WWF WRESTINLG,
SKATEBOARDING,
BMX-ING
AND SURFING!!!
"but sir these are there national sports.They may take offence?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKES WELL FINE, WE CAN DO THEM THEN,
BUT MAKE THEM BETTER!!!
RIGHT CRICKET make that more funky,
get some cards made up so us kids can swap them and argue,oh and call it "baseball"!
NEXT RUGBY yeah boring,
do that but make the guys wear jazzy costumes and pads,
and get some fit birds at the side to throw each other around in short skirts,
that lift up and show off that rude mound!
BOWLS!!fuck me this needs a lot of work.
right first pop it in alley so its easier.
then have 10 targets instead of one.
BUNG A LOAD OF NEON LIGHS EVERY WEAR.
LET THEM DRINK BEER.
And instead of politely clapping when you do good.
SCREAM ,WHOOP AND HIGH 5 EACH OTHER ,
THEN TAUNT THE OTHER OPPONENTS then sit down and snog a babe.
OH YEAH,and change the rules!
instead of getting close to the target,
YOU HAVE TO SMASH THE SHIT OUT OF IT!

"ok sir i think i got that"

FRICKING DOUCHBAGS WHAT ELSE IS ON THE LIST
"school uniforms"
HA HA!
NO WAY DIPSHIT!
UNLESS ITS COMPULSARY TO WEAR A SKATE BOARD AND A BACKWARDS CAP AND AN EARING!!
"ok sir t.v?"
4 CHANNELS...DICKS!!
4000 CHANNELS MORE LIKE.
"t.v shows?"
WHO'S THIS TAGGART PRICK?
I CANT UNDERSTAND A WORD HES SAYING?
"he's scottish sir"
DONT LIKE HIM!!
i like the idea but give him a talking car and more guns and tighter trousers.
OH AND BUNG IT ON IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY SO IT FITS IN WITH MY SCHEDULE!

"ah yes,what about guns shall we ban them?they seem to be killing people?"
NO WAY YOU ABSOLUTE DICKWAD!
THEY LOOK WELL COOL,
HAVNT YOU SEEN THE TERMINATOR OR ESCAPE FROM L.A?
PEOPLE DONT ACTUALLY DIE YOU A-HOLE!
"yes but thats in..."
THEY ARE STAYING NEXT!
"look i think its past your bed time you are getting wound up"
WHAT?
"your parents told me to tell you to go to bed"
NO.
"well what if they force you?"
WELL IL DIVORCE THEM THEN WONT I!!!
"what"
MACAULEY CULKIN DID IT!
"why"
BECAUSE ITS AMERICA!
AND IF KIDS GET TOLD WHAT TO DO WE DONT LIKE IT ALRIGHT?
NOW SOD OFF AND GET ME A PEPSI MAX AND A MCDONALDS!!!!

right i could go on with this.
but ive ranted for ages now and have probably lost you.
so lets wrap this up.

i just wanna finish by stating,
it doesnt matter what you look like or where your from
fat,thin,
american ,english.
we are all one!

unless you are schizophrenic.
in which case i'm not sure.
you maybe 2.
your on your own with that one.
OR possibly NOT?
thats the point.

right im confused.

bye xxxrichard j hardistyhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-9579117850283135272011-03-02T14:53:00.000-08:002011-03-02T14:53:18.679-08:00"CHRISTIANS...LATER"!(christian slater)so today is a beautiful day in new york city.
one of the best.
its warm.
the sun is shining
so i decided to spend it.
LOOKING THROUGH ARCHIVES OF DEAD PEOPLE WITH THE SAME NAME AS MY MISSING DAD!
oh yeah.
then a nice trip down to ground zero.

lovely.

which is wierd as shit when you think about it.
i spent all morning looking at people who don't exist.
and the walked 45 minutes to see a building that wasn't there.
what a "non" day.
life is wierd some times.

so.
i walked through china town to get my 4 apples for a dollar.
(cheap)
they are a pleasant bunch.
(the chinese not the apples)
i can never imagine being bullied by one.
cant imagine them pointing and laughing at you.
actually i wouldnt know if they were or not.
infact i wouldn't even know id been started on till i was karate chopped in the face!

its wierd.
once i was walking.
late at night.
and saw a group of lads coming toward me
i don't mind admitting i shat it.
a bit.
but as they got closer my brain went
"oh phew...its just a group of chinese lads"
why did it do that?
if anything i should a have been more afraid.
what with them all being born black belts.

did anyone out there ever make it to black belt?
just wondered.

ALSO.
as i was walking through china town i saw a sign.
"sheep brains"
that mad innit?
dont get me wrong.
im firmly on the side of martin luther king.
"a mind is a terrible thing to waste"
but i think these guys have miss understood what he was banging on about.

but the wierdest thing was,
i tried taking a photo of the guy next to the sign.
but they wouldnt let me!
someone said its because they say the camera steals your soul or something.

i thought they invented the camera?
they make alot of them dont they?
"sony "and all that.

makes me feel massive walking round china town.
i must look mental.
like that bloke out of big fish with the lop sided face!

why when people get to big.
or to small.
do they always look mad?
it would be ace to just be perfect looking,
but 8 ft all.
or 1 ft tall.
it never happens tho.
you be like a god.

not that they exist.

YEAH!
not sure about this heaven and hell thing.
if it is true.
i wanna go to hell.
BETTER LIGHTING!
no offence to the interior designer of heaven.
but he over did the minimilist thing.
and its to bright.
like a H'n'M changing room.
or a airplane toilet.
shows all your pours up.
hells nice and dim,..
like a sexy night club.
also constant bbq on the go.
warmer presumably.

it would be mad though.
"hi mate what's your name?"
ermm hitler mate ...nice to meet you.
"hello its ni ....well hello."
your not jewish are you?
"me no...its just the shoes, and my hair curls up when it gets foisty"
ah
"so is this hell?"
yep.
"how can you tell?"
thats the devil over there.
"where"?
there...wearing prada.
"hey?"
over there...
"oh yeah...who's that with him?"
oh thats daniel johnston.
"who"?
just some talented nutter.
"ahh sweet"

dont think id be keen on the eternal torture aspect tho.
i grazed me knee once.
agony.

i mean i know it doesnt exist.
but then neither do the twin towers.
but i went there today??????

i should be safe.
but i have blasphemed quite a lot.
what is a swear word anyways????

i remember one bored summers day.
andy and i decided to see if we could invent a new swear word.
thr experiment was simple
he sits in his dads chair in his study.
and i keep slapping and punching him until
hopefully a new word or sound comes out involuntarilly.
i think this is quite a profound experiment.
testing if we just say words weve been trained to.
or if there are ACTUALL rude words that come out from deep within your subconscious.
an actuall swear word.
and guess what.
there was.
"SHIG DOG"!
dunno what it meant.
but it flowed out like blasphemic wine.
made from very rude grapes.

WIERD.
speaking of vino.
i wonder if jesus counted his blessings?
coz if he did.
he's a big head.
for keeping count.
and if not.
then he wasn't appreciating stuff proper?
poor bearded bastard was damned either way!

"jesus do you count your blessings"?
yes of course...every day.
"ooooooh get you!"
 EERM...I mean NO...NEVER....what is a blessing again,
i thought you said blessed....BRIAN BLESSED??????
"WHAT...did you count your "Blesseds"?
YES...and errm...it was one!
"Well obviously yeah".
Great...sorted then....MORE WINE JUDAS?

me and andy have spoken about this before but,
walking on water.
sounds great doesnt it?
NOT IF YOU WANNA GO SCUBA DIVING! IT DOESNT!!!
CRACK YOUR SON OF A TWAT HEAD OPEN.
"ok jesus now just breath through this and on my count of three fall back over he edge ok...1...2....3.."
"BANG!"
gutted.

MAD.
sorry to break off but ive just been momentarily distracted by a HUGE advertisment for liam neesons new film.
"unknown""
The tag line is "TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE"
now i'm suer this is supposed to conjure up an image of liam saying...
"THATS IT...YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG BASTARD...NOW IM TAKING MY LIFE BACK YOU FRICKWADS"
but no.
my brain just pictured liam strolling up to the counter at argos goin...
"Hi sorry to trouble you...i bought this life a couple of weeks ago and its not exactly what i had in mind.
i'm not getting laid with it as much as id liked and ive had 2 ingrowing toe nails since i purchased it.
i was wondering .
is there any chance i could bring it back?"
NO.
"really...
...well can i exchange it"?
NO.
"right, credit notes?"
NO.you can only exchange it for something of equivelant value.
"right...
yeah thats the thing...
i dont really need a a bath matt a lilo or a calculator watch"?

OH MY GOD!!!!
ive just looked DIRECTLY beneath the advert of Neeson and there is a guy.
selling.
a gimp mask with a bong attached to it!
WHAT THE HELL!
he's waving it around smiling!
i don't think he knows what it is hes waving around?
jesus.
it looks so sinister.
But hes smiling to shit.
like a child running up to her parents with a dirty needle saying ,
"mummy look what ive found"
Put that down NOW!
naughty.

right im done.

i have a stand up gig tonight.
and Im going along with NO JOKES!
i am really scared.
petrified.

i need to do this.

trust my brain to come up with something amusing at will.

SO.
to summarise.
i love chinese people and mean no offence.
liam neeson has a new film out.
gimpy bong masks are available out side whole foods.
and religion is bullshit!

please pray for me tonight.
and god speed!

x

p.s if god does speed.
dont give him a ticket.
he may get angry.
then make loads of locusts/crickets come round your house.
and you know how noisy they are when you are trying to sleep!richard j hardistyhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-46107139812551264922011-02-27T11:01:00.000-08:002011-02-27T11:01:57.747-08:00"DONT EVEN TRY AND UNDERSTAND THIS" i dont.it means nothing.i just woke up
may face feels fat
like a cat
sodding twat
gat
guns are cool
but only for fools
they dont make me drool
id rather eat gruel
from a pool
whilst riding a mule
with brain sewel
next to a ghoul
using power tools
they friggin rule
espescially ones from poole
near leeds
please
take heed
and eat some seeds
but dont be greed...
...y
im feeling needy
for
cheryl tweedy.
pie
in the sky
was shit
but tits
are nice
to suck
you piece of muck
garnier make fruc-
-tis
but dis me
and il kiss thee
all the way
from siclily
specifically
on the wily
you hill billy
 facilli-
-tate
thats great
but what a state
i get in
when i take
amphetamin
you cretin
dont be forgetting
the standard that im setting
im betting
on dog
that looks like a frog
and i bet
thats its sods
law
thats its jaw
goes up
instead of down
it sort of looks
like a reverse frown.
imagine a gown
that a clown
could drown
its sorrows
IN
but not completley
for its CHIN
stays within
the confines
of the air
which it need
for its heir
to be born
a human fawn
scorned
but torn
between
2 pa-rents
how does it
dare rant
about
the sprout
that it was granted
at birth
its first day
on this earth
its girth
is the circumference
of its tummy
"DENSE"
is the word
that you use
for
a thicko
that.......

IVE JUST WRITTEN THAT WITH OUT STOPPING
I DONT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
IM DRUNK AND KEPT TRYING TO RYHME STUFF
I FEEL SICK
I JUST NEEDED TO FEEL ID ACHIEVED SOMETHING TODAY.
so thats my input to the world.

happy oscars.
ladies and gentlepigs xrichard j hardistyhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-12283078775664865812011-02-25T12:17:00.000-08:002011-02-25T12:17:34.354-08:00"DONT EXPECT NUFFINK"but actually do you beautuiful twats.well its raining again!
dont worry folks.
im battling through it!
my moto is"i can give as good as i get!!!

(apart from at christmas when i temporarily waver my moto in my favour)
(you dont wanna come off worse off at chrimbo)
it would'nt be right.

SO i,m still broke.
and my bank card is snapped!
ball ache.
when i went to the woman in the bank to explain that" i sat on it and it snapped"
She just look at my arse in disbelief.
there was no denying it.
she was a "big momma'!
like the one Martin Lawrence played in that film.
in a house.

They have some SERIOUSLY BIG "bootys" over here.
gravity defying ones.
ones that sort of go upward!
like anti gravity buttocks.
buttocks that have never read about Issac Newton.
and don't care for his laws one bit!

in fact if id tried to explain his theory and how it came about shed probably say
"what's an apple?"
i dont think she was familiar with fruit.
at least the concept of eating it.

so im sat here.
again
in this cheap cafe
surrounded by my curly haired bretherin.
(hascidic jews)
in my religious but sensible footwear.
(hascidic shoes)
AND RATHER IRONICALLY
with a mouth full of tropical flavour "orbit" gum.
(acidic chews!)
nice.

and i may as well let you know.
I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO DAY!
nothings happened.
NOWT!
i just sat here looked around and started typing this.
so dont expect anyting.
THATS VERY IMPORTANT!
coz if you expect nothing.
you cant be dissapointed.
or can you?
actually YES you can.

i suppose if you went for an A.I.D.S test and expected nothing.
and then got some thing
youd be a little bit peeved off.
or suicidal.
that whole positive negative thing is a ball ache isnt it.
they need a new system.
its confusing.

"hello mr mercury we got your results back."
and?
"its positive."
WOO HOO GET ME THE COCAINE AND MIDGETS NOW!!!!
"you have aids."
oh....bastard.
how has this happened?
"well have you been having any unprotected sex?"
NO...NO WAY...NEVER...ive been "living on my own"
"honestly?"
well...ive dabbled
"how do you mean"
well bits n bats.
"WITH BATS?"
no its a saying!
"OH sorry,its just i know you gays are a bit wild and its the 80s and all."
GAY!!!how dare you assume im GAY!
"but..."
HAND ME MY FEATHER BOWER AT ONCE...come on elton we are leaving...."BITCH"!!!

sorry where was i ??

yes thats it expect NOTHING from me.
because if you do.
you are bound to get dissapointed.

i just dont think i can can keep this up.
i suppose thats why so many marriages end in divorce.
when you love some one it must be hard.
because you meet on a high.
and think THIS IS AMAZING...THIS WILL BE FOREVER!
but it cant.
so you are both let down.
again because of "EXPECTATIONS".
YES!
(i love it when that happens...accidental tie ins)

ACTUALLY.
SHIT.
IVE JUST HAD A GENIUS IDEA!!!
here me the frick out...
infact.?
JESUS!
HOLD ONTO YOUR MOTHER F&%^$CKIN HATS BABES!
ive just had revolutionary new idea for the perfect relationship.
fuck newtons theory of gravity.
check out richs "theory of marriage-tivity"!

"what rich marry someone you love?"
nope.
MARRY SOMEONE YOU FUCKING HATE!!!!!!!!!
THATS THE KEY!

Then it can only get better?
you can never hate them any more than you did.
so you will just end up finding stuff that you like about them.
you would be forced to.
things can only get better type of thing?
"D.ream" knew what he was son about.

"what are you on about rich you effing penis"
bare with me here suck pigs!
think about it!

think of the worst person you can.
some one who raped your mum?
or say Hitler?
or bin laden!
if you start with someone you cant even stand to look at.
it cant get any worse can it?
and if you are forced to stay together.
YOU ARE BOUND TO START TO FIND THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT THEM!
even just to selfishly make your own life better.

"I HATE YOU...MARRY ME!
what a great line.

bin laden for example.
you would eventually think oh well.
"that twin towers thing was bang out of order"
but on the plus side.
"you have got quite a nice beard."
"sorry bin what....yeah i do like the Simpsons...what...WIERD THATS MY FAVOURITE EPISODE TOO"!
"you've actually got an ok sense of humour actually Binners!"
when i can understand you.
and this cave is pretty snazzy.
"you look a bit like ali baba actually...do you know the forty thieves?"
"OH MY GOD YOU HAVNT SEEN "DISNEYS ALLADDIN?"
YOU WILL LOVE IT!
ITS RIGHT UP YOUR STREET!
im gonna pop it on.

what a lovely thought.
im pretty sure you could find something you like in anyone.
you'd be surprised.

OH YEAH!
talking of surprises.
and expectations.
guess what.
 you know that the statue of liberty.
THAT WAS A SON OF A B£%TCH GIFT!!!!!!!!
they cant have seen that coming.
that must have been a SURPRISE.
or least EXPECTED thing ever.
seeing as this has become about expectations.

where am i?

AH YES!
must have been a bit awkward .
for who ever was in charge then.
George bush minus the 3rd.
or that one with the hat and beard out of bill and ted.

"ahha helo mesour a gift"
where is it?
"iz out ere"
JESUS MAN...bit big innit...what is it?
"zee statue of liberty"
oh right....and what does it do ?
"nozzing"
nothing?
"no."
what it just stands there looking like a statue that looks like the statue of liberty?
"wee."
right and it definately does'nt move.
"no."
never?
"NO!"
not even if Bill murray and a few mates were to smear it in pink pscho active slime and play it some" jackie wilson"?
"well yes... maybe zen."
ahahaa..cool...cool...hmmmm.

if im totally honest.
and maybe im wrong.
but i dont think they wanted it!
the americans.
i think they were secretly annoyed.

I know for a FACT David Copperfield...
(Claudia schiffer shagger and part time magician)
.. tried to get rid of it in the 80s.
but he only manged it for a bit.
then it came back.
gutted!

RIGHT IM TALKING BOLLOCKS AGAIN!

so to summarise dont expect anything from any one.
but also.
EXPECT EVERYTHING FROM EVERYONE!!!!

COZ WE ALL DESERVE IT!

bye bye.

xrichard j hardistyhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-38385091133941076592011-02-24T13:24:00.000-08:002011-02-24T13:24:12.058-08:00"THE POUND IS WEAK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN"and guess whos fault it is?"THE POUND IS WEAK LADIES AN GENTLE MAN
yes thats right.
not my words the words.
the words off that bloke on the telly who talks about money.
the bloke with those graphs behind his head that shows when stuff is good.
and also when its bad.
the ones that look like mad jagged mountains.
or that thing that goes up and down when your heart beats at the beginning of an episode of "casualty".

god that was a scary show as a child.
one of the scariest.
the opening music.
"nee naw nee naw nee naw nee naw
DUM DUM DUM DUM!!!!"
so scary.
if it tought me one thing it was this,
DO NOT go to under ground raves and take drink and drugs because if you do,you can guarantee...
A RAFTER WILL FALL ON YOU!!!!
fact.

any ways THE POUND IS WEAK and we only have our selves to blame.
yes that right.
and you know what.
ITS OUR OWN FAULT!
its nothing to do with a recession you bloody fools.
its all down to a careless saying...
"look after the pennies...and the pounds will look after them selves"
im sure you all remember branding that round willy nilly?
well look what you've done.
THE POUND HAS TIRED ITS SELF OUT TRYING TO DEFENDING ITS SELF!!!
Im not suprised its weak.
it must be knackered the poor little circular bastard!
(wierd "poor" money i'm sure there is something in that)
you dont hear of the penny being weak do you?
no sir.
we've been predjudice.
money-ists!

how could we expect it to keep it up?
constantly being beat down.
who knows.
maybe rogue pennys were even ganging up on them?
"OH COME ON LADS ITS A HUNDERED TO ONE"?
thats fair game in our eyes sunshine!
"ARGH NO FAIR YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE HEAD".
right flip him over!
ARGHH ME TAIL!!

actually.
i wonder what the queen thinks of that photo of her on cash?
i wonder when they took that photo if she knew what she was getting her self in for?

"EUURGH CHRIST... i hate my profile...i look terrible...what's this pic for by the way"?
oh nowt....dont worry...i doubt anyone will see it.
"splendid...TALLY HO!!!"

I know from the old modelling days,
some days you turn up.,
do the shoot and before you know what its for
your off to the next job!
you'd have to call your booker to check.
"sorry sarah its rich,just wondering, what was that shoot i just did with that man for"?
which one?
"the one in my pants"
errmm...it is...the cover of "BOYZ" magazine!
"great"

infact what is her job?
the queen.
just goes to the cinema alot doesnt she.
shes a professional hand shaker and waver??
im surprised she doesnt have one big hand from over using it.

she should technically look like one of them giant foam handed lunatics off "gladiators".
id love to see her in the crowd.
"BOOOO..WOLF YOU SHIT HEAD...BOOOOO!!!"
"SARACEN....SARACEN ..SARACEN...COME OOONN,
OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!
"no m'lady it doesnt work like that anymore."
oh jesus....i mean,..ON WITH HIS HEAD,...YES STAY ON WITH HIS HEAD...DONT LET IT ACCIDENTALLY FALL OFF EITHER!
thats better.
"OR IL HAVE YOUR HEAD CUT OFF!!!!
no youve done it again
"shit sorry paul"!
(burrell)

i wonder what her fave would be?
probably the joust?
takes her back to her medievil roots.!!!

imagine if instead of winning brand new "vauxhall corsa".
the loser had to DIE!!

it would give them that extra insentive for the "travellator"!

that mad panic .
"OH MY GOD..I M GOING TO DIE...OH MY GOD IVE SLIPPED AND GOING BACK DOWN...
OH NO HES TAKEN OVER ME"!!!
imagine smashing through that giant paper "G" to your imminnent survival!

That sweaty up beat interview with Ulrika Johnson
while in the back ground the other demoralised lycra clad sod,
is being led off the crash matt weeping so John Fashanu can lop off his bonce!!!

sorry im getting carried away.
that would never happen!!!
theyd get Wolf to do it.

so anyways im not sure why i did this blog.
its not even very long.
nor is there any point to it.

actually il make one.
know this money does'nt matter.
its irrelevent.
we made it up.
it says nothing about you
and happiness comes from with in.
perfect.

Actually while im on about being broke.
and english.
and in new york.

STINGS SONG "AN ENGLISH MAN IN NEW YORK".
there sommat wrong with that mans head!

"i dont like coffee i drink tea my dear"
fine.
"i like my toast done on one siiiide"
YOUR TOASTERS F£$%KING BROKEN MATE.
GET A NEW ONE YOU IDIOT!
you HAVE got enough money!
You could even afford a "breville" one,you schizophrenic toast lover!
you've lost the plot.
singing about ALIENS and TOAST and PROSTITUTES.
who do you think you are?
freddy prince jnr!!!

INFACT stop having ago aliens.
they dont have a go at you for being geordie!
how do you know if they are illegal.
they may be law abiding aliens?

ALTHOUGH YOU DO GET "DODGY" ALIENS.
those ones in the 90s!!!
remember them???
they were naughty.
giving it all that
"TAKE ME TO YOUR DEALER!" chat.
well thats the Hascienda for ya!
must have messed with there heads.

anyways thats it ive totally lost it again.

bye!

xxrichard j hardistyhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-82101005429711285762011-02-23T13:22:00.000-08:002011-02-23T14:07:45.149-08:00"A CHANCE ENCOUNTER ON A BRIDGE,AND NOW THIS!its not my fault"its sunnier today.
sunny.
BUT STILL FREEZING!
This fact is important because,
i just did the hour long walk i do every morning into manhattan.
"why is it nice richard"?
not really no.
i basically did it to avoid paying the £1.50 train fare!

i like the l.A tube sytstem.
sure its unreliable,
but they work on a "trust" and "honour" scheme with no turn styles to speak of.
which for an untrustwothy dishonourable guy like me is just AMAZING!

scrubbers around the world.
i command you come to hollywood in your thousands.
i promise you will save absolutely 100s of pence a day!

anyways i was walking over the bridge
very high winds!
mental!
well when i say high.
i mean not that high at all.
well my height to be prescise.
exactly my height actually.
all around me.
so quite low to be honest.
infact im sure there were even some going on under the bridge beneath me?
well lets just say it was very windy!

it must have been looking for chicago but got lost?
it should get google maps.
its the 21st century
come on nature.
catch up with technology!

where was i?

so anyways yeah it was fuckin freezing ,and any way a super "G" walked passed me!
a "gangster"!
a "ghetto boy"!
a "bad ass mutha"
any ways as he got closer i noticed he had his trouser leg rolled up.
and i didnt want to stare as these guys can pop a cap in you with out thinking twice!
thats "in you" not "on you"
(they dont beat the shit out of you by giving away free head wear)

"what you looking at fool"?
nothing.
"GOD DAMMIT YOU WANT ME TO POP A BERET ON YOUR HEAD MUTHA FUCKA"
no please..
"IM A DO IT!"
go on then....tell my mum ...i died with dignity"
"what"?
just say it was a top hat or something.

where was i?

yeah so as he walked past me i glanced at him.
but subtly.
in that way that you do when you are on holiday on your sun lounger as a child and a woman is sat with a tit out,
and you look forward and also left at the same time!
sort of force your self to get a lazy eye.

GOD it must have been heaven for Forest Whitaker going on holiday to the south of france as a nipper.
pervy little midget Idi Amin gettin a goggle at your babs!

ANYWAYS yeah as i did this and he got close i noticed that all the hairs on his leg were stood on end,
and his teeth were clenched shut!
THE BOZO WAS FREEZING HIS ASS OFF!
it was a classic case of when my mum would say
"pop a jacket on its cold out"
and i would say...
"SHUT UP MUM YOU IDIOT ITS BOILING LOOK OUTSIDE"
"no but its deciving"
"LOOK MUM...I AM a 12 year old MAN!...i think i know the world and my own body better than you!
"ok."

then with in 5 mins of stepping out of the car in town id think,
"fuck me...the bitch was right...i'm fucking freezing."
are you cold richard?
NO...i was actually just thinking how warm it is...and that i wish id worn shorts.
"your arms are blue"
yeah...so..i like it....RIGHT im going to stand in dixions and piss around with those new c.d players and see which is the smoothest ejection!

any ways yeah,
it was like this guy was going through the same ordeal.
but bizzarely WITH HIS OWN LEG??
it was mental.
"please let me wear you down?"
NOPE I WANNA BE WORN UP TODAY!
"please its cold out "
NOPE!
"but im a hardened gangster....im already wearing baby blue trackie bottoms".
look wear me up or we are'nt going out...i need to work on my tan!
"please its freezing outside let me roll you down?"
NO WAY HOSE!
"alright."
fuck i'm cold!
"look this ginger boy is staring at us!please let me wear you down and il buy you that shin pad you wanted?
ok.

like an unruly shin!
a maverick leg.

actually while talking of shins WHY THE HELL IS THERE A LIFT COMPANY CALLED
"SCHINDLERS LIFTS"????
did he not see that?
i half expect gas to start seeping in when the doors close.
even if my name was "schindler" no matter how proud of my design,
i would have been the bigger man and just used another name!
its wierd isnt it ,people say "it takes a bigger man to walk away"?
well i must be massive coz i normally walk away well fast.
its technically sprinting!

my dad used to live by this moto.
ESPESCIALLY WHEN IT CAME TO GETTING MY MUM PREGNANT!
haha.
which is why im in America here actually.
but i will talk about that next time.

But yeah schindlers lifts!
just give it a different name.
one that conjures up a different more pleasant image .
"trustworthy lift corporation" or summat like that.
cheap but efficient.
"our prices will plummet...BUT OUR LIFTS WONT!"
thats better.
they can have that if they pay me.

And speaking of names i have figured some thing out...
LEONARDO IS THE COOLEST NAME YOU CAN GIVE A MAN....OFFICIALLY!
IT IS...
A GENIUS PAINTER.
AN INTELLECTUAL TURTLE.
A BEAUTIFUL OSCAR NOMINATED ACTOR.
AND A LION!

no contest.
(apart from possibly "Toby")

i mean come on if you give your kid a cool name its gonna be famous isnt it?
they arnt gonna get a job in a call centre.
it would never work!

"Hello welcome to Argos this is "Leonardo Wilhelm Dicaprio" speaking how can i help?

so give your sona cool name and make his life easier on the poor badger.
some suggestions.
"nick gilette"
"kurt faberge"
"dude megasnake"
(just make sure hes not a saddo first)
ask him some questions when he pops out the womb.
whats his favourite film.
what kind of music he listens to etc
if he says "operation dumbo drop starring danny glover" and "the light house family"
its probably best you pop him back inside
or just give him away
or run really quick like my dad did.
remember IT TAKES A BIGGER MAN TO WALK AWAY!!!!!!

apparently.

x

P.S QUICK QUESTION

The name "Adolf "sort of died out didnt it?
after the old holocaust.
is it illegal to name your son Adolf?
bit controversial but is it legal?
"Adolf christ"?
or jesus hitler?
must be wrong.

oh yeah another thought just popped i my head.

do you reckon during the holocaust ,horrible and terrible and despicable as it was,
(i'm serious now)
that people would ever go to sleep on a night and have night mare and wake up in mad panic,
and go
"JESUS"
what ,whats up?
"that was the worst thing ever...i was being chase by a were wolf in a go kart"!
oh no..dont worry it was just a dream.
"phew"
nope your back in Aushiwitz now
"thank god for that."

Sorry my brains going off completely now.
none of this is my fault.
you cant blame my brain for having these thoughts
they are just questions.
its not your fault what your brain thinks or feels is it.

Im sorry.
but its just things that "pop in there"
like Ray Stance in ghost busters.
It happened to him and he was activley trying to think of nothing!
Even DAN ACKROYD WITH ALL HIS SKILL AS AN ACTOR AND GHOSTBUSTER
STILL could not help but think of a giant bloke made of marsh mallow.
i don't stand a chance.
(Who came first the stay puff dude,or the michelin man?)
(some ones definatley copied someone elses style there)

so yeah don't have ago at me,

just know that all this comes from a beautiful place.
and i love you all

xxxrichard j hardistyhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-7434286940642166022011-02-21T11:20:00.000-08:002011-02-21T11:20:24.675-08:00"THE ACCIDENTAL JEW"and how to love each other."THE ACCIDENTAL JEW"

well its snowing again.
fuckin yey!
mother nature.
STUPID WHORE!
ive a good mind to start wearing more deodorant.
or aim it into the sky and let a few blasts of let here feel my wrath!

she can suck my fat one!
(thats if she hadnt made it shrivel up to the size of a toddlers)
actually do you reckon peados ever shave of there pubes.
take loads of pills.
then get aroused by their own tiny genitalia?????

it would be annoying coz it would grow if you did?
thus cancelling out the arousal/bone-age?
but then it would go small again.
and then youd be off again????

"grounhog boner"
new bill murray film?
maybe not.
god id have barry norman spinning in his grave.
if he was dead.
is he?
i dunno.
or care.

ANYWAYS yeah!!!
"the accidental jew"
well because of this bastard weather i was forced to by some cheap sensible shoes
the kind my mum would try make me wear as a kid and id cry and demand some Reebock pumps!
in the end wed settle on some "L.A regulators".
mums.
you gotta meet theses lousy babes half way some times.
what with them paying for everything and taking care of you and all that.

any ways the shoes look gimpish.
no 2 ways about it.
shiny.
back.
sensible!!!!!!!
apparently like a hasidic jews?
(lauren told me this)
"hasidic" sounds like they are volitile.
but it is a jewish word or something.
probably means "ace".

any ways because of this bastard weather i was also forced to wear my black small beanie.
and anyways my hair is curly and 2 bits had dangled out the side of their own accord.
one down each side of my face.
i didnt sleep to well last night and i have some quite dark bags under my eyes.
and for a reason i dont know why i chose to wear some actuall smart black trousers today!
MAYBE IT WAS JUST DESTINY!!!

Anyways i was looking for a free library to use the free wifi option with out having to pay the price of a coffee.
BUT THE BASTARDS AR ALL SHUT COZ ITS PRESIDENTS DAY OR SUMMAT!
do we get prime minister day?
we fuckin should do if they get this shit.
who is priminister now?
actually who gives a div.
dont answer that.

but we should do!
i mean we get st georges day and what was he?
 A FRIGGIN ANIMAL KILLER!.
he should have been reported to the r.s.p.c.a!!!
not been given a knight hood!!!!

they need to be saved for real heros!!!
like elton john.
and sir Ian mclellen!

i cant belive they get them!!!

there are a lot of gay nights about nowadays arnt there???

what if that dragons viscious severly peeved off cousin comes back wanting revenge as they always do!
(you cant solve a problem by killing things.they should have resolved it and sorted something out)
or at least got a fire extingisher or something!

ANYWAYS YEAH if his cousin come back or what ever who we gonna send in?
"right that dragons back"
really?
"yeah he looks a bit livid"
ok well no probs we prepared for this just round up the knights if the realm that are availabele
and have his head off"
"who we got"?
errm...sir elton john.
"hmmm...right...any more?"
ian mclellan?
"AHA...gandalf???"
yeah.
"right he could be an option?"
il pop him on the list
"WHAT!!
YOU CANT PUT HIM ON THE SEX OFFENDERS REGISTER JUST FOR BEING GAY"!
no no i mean the dragon slayers list.
"oh.ok good."

"gay knights"
sounds like a film to me!!!!
but then what doesnt.

anyways ive gone off the point again.

YEAH SO while i was looking for this library
i was asking for directions and i realised that id stumbled into a massive jewish area.
the curly sidys.
the long coats.
the little coasters on the heads.
EVERYTHING!

and me in my new get up.
i felt like id stumbled into compton avenue L.A,
and accidentally left my brand new RED marks and spencers red paisely hankie hanging out my back pocket!
(i was actually paranoid while in l.a i would do this
even though i never owned a hankie
im not that type of guy
way to cool.
if i was to get a runny nose.
which i dont.
i would more than likely just blow it dead hard like them cool footballers do.
or scrubbers.

ANYWAYS and a van pulled up.
(an old renault espace)
and 5 of them got out.
jewish fellas.
and i asked for directions to the nearest library.

and hey.
maybe it was me.
but they were so friendly,im sure they saw me as one of their own!!
one of them cosily put his arm round me and spun me in the right direction.
IT WAS QUITE ROMANTIC!
it was like in one of those romantic novels where time slows down and we have a moment that changes our lives.
sort of.

anyways IM SURE THEY SAW ME AND WELCOMED ME AS ONE OF THEIR OWN???
I swear.
the look in their eyes.
normally i just assume that they had fancied me.
but not these religous suckers.
no way!
well maybe a bit.
(it is me...."fit rich")
joke.

but i suddenly realised why they did it.
ITS NICE TO BE PART OF SOMETHING ISNT IT?

if they had have said
"hey are you a jew?"
id have have been tempted to say
"yeah totally!!bang into it....steven spielberg....and all that"!!!
oh really authodox?
"no...not totally...i mean...im jew...ISH"!

(clever that wasnt it)!!
ive just made my own day there)
its ace making your own day.
"im good me arnt i"
what a lovely feeling.
wish i had it more.

i wish we all did!

CHRIST SEE IVE DONE IT AGAIN!!!
where was i.
in fact where am i now??
ah yes im sat in a cafe in the round the corner from where all this just took place.
thawing out with a coffee.
2.50 dollars that i wouldnt have had to spend had it not have been presidents day.
(thank you mr bush)
cant wait til we get a new president)
 A BLACK ONE!!!
nah.
thats ludicrous.
maybe one day.
AND EQUAL RIGHTS FOR EVERYONE.....AND I MEAN THAT!!

so yeah im in the cafe in the jewish area of williamsburg.
writing about it.

(SHIT ...NOTE TO SELF....DO NOT....I REPEAT DO NOT ASK "WHAT TIME IS THE BUS....."DUE"!)
it could lead to an unwanted altercation.

FUUUCK IVE DOENIT AGAIN!
wait no i havnt.
im where i should be in this .
yes.
perfect.

yeah so WE ALL LOVE BEING PART OF A GANG!
army.
navy.
(we need to abolish these)
fashionistas.
religions.
(these will go in the future when we are all properly educated and equal)
clubbers.
ravers.

i remember the total sense of belonging i got from going to "speed queen" EVERY saturday night.
dressed like some sort of 17 year old homosexual jive turkey and bonding with my fellow man.
AND WOMEN!!!
i know what you were thinking.
you total sex perverts!

ACTUALLY while im at it can i just say this.
CLUBBING IS MAD INNIT!!!!!

i dont mean that in the way that scrubber mums from from council estates say it
"IM DEAD MAD ME"!!

but think about it.
break it down.
a perfect night out
go to a room.
listen to a sound.
wriggle your body round in a wierd motion.
stick your hand in the air and wave it round a bit.
and if your REALLY lucky.
go over to another human being
put your tongue in their mouth.
and then WRIGGLE IT A ROUND ABIT!
then go home!!!!!

3 days later.
(ro hahahaha)

so yeah any ways gangs.
its a sense of belonging
even being bag head.
at least you are part of something!

i mean if you have to get into a gang
may i suggest another one.
a safer one.
no offence to smack heads its a disease and you have my love and support.
but if it comes down to a warriors style battle.
IM taking my chances with "the brownies"!

which ironically you could confuse with your gang all to easily!!!!!
(another note to self DO NOT .i repeat DO NOT accidentally send your future daughter to a group of smack heads.
check first.
if there is a needle sticking out of the leaders arm THAT IS NOT "AKELA")

infact i want to say now to everyone.
LEAVE HEROIN ALONE!
no matter how bored with life you are.
if you feel you need a hobby.
take up badminton!!!
its a lot safer.

i never heard of anyone pimping out their children for shuttle cocks!

any ways i have to stop now.

ive lost my point!

YES gangs make us feel wanted.
but we are all part of the biggest and best gang in the world
THE HUMAN RACE!

so lets stop with the separation.
stop slaying each other.
(LIKE DRAGONS)

and JUST give each other a cuddle.
a sexy one!

xrichard j hardistyhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5452782701073674271.post-54777906837520283252011-02-16T21:41:00.000-08:002011-02-16T21:41:24.007-08:00"ME AND HOW HOLLYWOOD MADE MY BRAIN BREAK"ok so this is it im becoming a writer!
think steven king...but a bit shit.
ACTUALLY wierdly what i just said above sets this up perfectly!
see ive already started on "films".
OR HAVE I????
no i havnt.
thats the point!!!!
see...hes an author.
and writes books.
well he's an author coz he writes books.
its a bit of a bi product to be honest.
infact its very difficult indeed to be an author with out writing any books?
i think there should have been some different punctuation there.

what was i saying again?
AHA YEAH THE POINT IS i ONLY assosciate him with things made into films and shows!!!
this sets the scene well for what im about to bang on about.

first of all there will be mistakes in this.
lots.
and do you know what?...im leaving them in!!
yeah .
thats right.
its my style.
what you saying im lazy?
no way.
screw you dillweed!
just coz you dont undertsand it and some words may not look right as long as you can grasp it...who gives a twat.
this is my style.
im an "ABSTRACT WRITER"!
what you saying picasso was "lazy" coz he didnt do stuff what looked right and that.
piss off knob head.
just coz it was a bit blocky.
that was his style.
why should he try keep in the lines if doesnt want to.
IMAGINE IF HIS MUM HAD TOTALLY BOLLOCKED HIM TO STAY IN THE LINES,..WE WOULD NEVER HAVE WHAT WE HAVE.
it may have been smashed out of him!!

if picasso wants to make people looks like rectangular idiots...let him.
he did alright for himself!

if we're gonna have a go at people for looking to angular why dont you go slag of Dolph Lundrgen or Casper Van Dien?
what... cant be bothered?
didnt think so.
fanny.

same with jackson Pollock!
imagine if his daft shit mum had said,
"what a mess you little div...who slashed all this friggin paint everywhere...clean that up now and get to bed...AND NO ORIOS"!
gave him a right "pollocking".
clever that wasnt it.(see witty pun above)

what im saying is dont slag people of for being who they are and doin what they do.
its not there fault.
no good or evil.
or right or wrong.
we are just aload of atoms.
lets just be "happy atoms"

i used to be so confused,at school they would say"sit down and be quiet richard learn harder put more effort in"
i was.
i was putting a lot of effort in actually.
to hoaning my craft.
entertaining/being a twit.
it always baffled me.
really baffled me.
espescially when i would have the whole class smiling and laughing.
The most positive form of energy you can imagine no one upset or depressed for that hour/lesson
(apart from the one i was picking on at the time)
joke.
it made no sense.
every one smiling and laughing and beaming and the teacher saying "NO...BAD"
bad?
how could making people this happy be bad?????
how could i be a bad person for it?
everyone pays to get this feeling in various forms...and im here dishing it out for free...IVE A GOOD MIND TO CHARGE YOU SONS OF GIMPS!!!

ME coming in here dishing out free happiness after sluggin my guts out on my milk round from 5.30 am in the freezing cold
my only solice coming into make some marmite on toast and have a silent wank over "an american were wolf in london"
or rik mayalls"bottom".(the one with the dating service)
Trying my damned hardest not to make a noise pissing around with the V.H.S incase my mum heres it rewinding for the 8th time in a row.
or worse GETTING IT STUCK!
never mind having to smuggle it back up stairs as she comes down for her breakfast...
"richard'?
"yes'.
"whats up with your calf?"
nothing why?
"its shaped like a rectangle?"
errmm.. OH FOR GODS SAKES I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT... IVE GOT TO GET TO SCHOOL ,YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE LEARNING....WHOOOORE"!
OH YEAH AND WHILE IM AT IT WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE"CHOCO POPS"...I SAID "COCO POPS"...THESE ARE ARE MORRISONS OWN BRAND YOU SCRUBBER!
(sorry mum)

kids have it so easy now with nice silent internet working its pervy magic.
no modems or video tapes for these lovable little shits.
just instant porn and cartoons in abundance.
great being a kid.
dont get bollocked as much for being childish.
although ironically i did...alot?

that dont make sense either?
"richard you are 12 years old..stop being so childish"!
i may have well retorted..
"grow up miss you elderly dick."

ANYWAYS I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD GO IN AND OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS.
thats my style.

YEAH SO thats the beauty of it "ART".
you just get it or you dont.
but dont slag shit off coz you dont get it.
i CANT meditate!
but some people can.
i cant.
right there is a point to that last comment somewhere.
il figure it out later.

so yeah "HOLLYWOOD BROKE MY BRAIN"
whats that all about? i hear you ask.

i recently came to amaerica and it made me realise how much films had warped my perseption of reality.
everything i see can be traced back to a film...all my references through life are of films
ITS BEEN MADE VERY CLEAR WHEN COMIN TO THE COUNTRY WHERE THEY MAKE THE BASTARDS.
for instance,

when i get on a bus here i dont think "well this is a pleasant mode of transport"
i think,
"i need every body to stay calm....THERE IS A BOMB ON THE BUS"

and every time i see a mail van i dont think
 "hey up....nice bit of mail being delivered there"
i think,
 "EVERY BODY GET THE F*&K DOWN THIS IS A HEIST "
(this makes my life tricky as the postal service is quite a big industry and i see mail vans on every corner)
i just pictured postman pat in a balaclava...and jess with a mini one...possibly just a "totes"toasties sock with 2 eye holes cut out.

Whilst on the west coast,I was lucky enough to be taken on a beautiful hike up in the loz feliz hills in silverlake los angeles.
and as we approached the top of the mountain my guide james gazed out and said pensively,
"look at that view,stunning.Im so lucky.I wake up to this every morning.you can see all of Los Angeles from here...right to the ocean."
and i went,
"yeah....IS THAT THE SHOT OF THE BEGINNING OF THE A TEAM WHEN THE MACHINE GUN SOUND AND THE THEME TUNE KICKS IN?
"possibly richard.possibly"
he said.

but this kind of thing happens every second of my life!

as we sauntered back down the hill through the beautiful 1930s houses and mansions.
We saw a beautiful oak tree its aged but thick titanic limbs reached up towards the sun winding out over the road.
they commented on its history and what amazing things it must have witnessed and the things it will enevitably go on to witness in its life time long long after we have perished.
and my brain just went...
"THATS LIKE THE ONE GEORGE MCFLY FALLS OUT OF WHILE PERVING ON LORRAINE BAINES THROUGH A PAIR OF BINOCULARS IN BACK TO THE FUTURE"
"oh my god...."HES A PEEPING TOM"

just before being shoved out of the way of a speeding car by the son he hasnt yet had!

and when they commeneted on how thick and beautiful the texture of its trunk and roots i was thinking
"looks like that diplodocus in jurassic park."

again while i was there someone asked me if i was into basketball.
i said "not really i used to be"
"oh really who was your favourite player" he asked
i honestly nearly answered "WESLEY SNIPES"!
coz see i was never even really into basketball....what i was into was"white men cant jump"
infact its bloody a good job he didnt ask me my top 3 because after snipes and Harellson...id have been Fucked!
(actually no there was that tall skinny bloke raymond who stood out)
"NAH NAH NAH FUCK THIS...SEE i TELL YOU WHAT IM'A DO.... IM'A GO GET ME MY GUN...SHOOT ALL YOU MOTHER FUCKERS"!
"raymond...is that you raymond"
"NAH NAH THIS THIS AINT RAYMOND"
"take that damn thing of your head"
shit.

and in my mind i was into martial arts for a while
BUT NO I WASNT ...i was into "karate kid".
i dont know about any famous karate bastards.
i only did it to get the kit so i could do it infront of my babysitter in an attempt to woo her.
(i used to make her hold up a turquoise moonwalker jumper with michael jacksons face on it and let rip on the sucker.
kiddie fiddler or not ...this talented/troubled pop king was getting a weak round house...WEATHER HE LIKED IT OR NOT!

infact the only other person i know who even did karate besides Ralph Macchio and was my teacher/sensi of 2 weeks "mrs kiddle"!
who i only remembered because her hair was like phillip from "guess who".
and she randomly appeared on"N TV"on "noels house party" one saturday night.
ironically at the same time as i was pissing around using the"skills" i had learned to batter a sweater to impress a teenager.
my cover was nearly blown!
although on reflection im sure she could tell i wasnt a black belt.
you can generally tell when somethings been coloured in with a crayon.

but any ways the film thing is getting out of control.
the other day i had a walkers crisp that reminded me of jaws!!
and it made me beg the question.
WHEN WILL THIS END?????????????????

never i hope. xrichard j hardistyhttp://email@example.com


text:
BATMAN v SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE (Warner Bros.)
Dir. Zack Snyder, Script. Chris Terrio, David S. Goyer
Cast: Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Jesse Eisenberg, Jeremy Irons, Gal Gadot
Plot: Bruce Wayne (Affleck) and Clark Kent (Cavill) grow hateful of each other's superhero counterpart, while Lex Luthor (Eisenberg) has sinister intentions of his own.
TWIM: So here we are. It only took three years of fervent anticipation, continual images and the promise of the biggest comic book movie the world has ever seen to get us to the release of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, a film that probably has more riding on it than any other ever released. Not only is it one of the most colossally expensive movies ever produced, its success (or lack thereof) is meant to be the spark of DC/Warner's Cinematic Universe. On the basis of the egregious 151 minutes of grim, incoherent and illogical storytelling however, this universe is in jeopardy before its even begun.
RRD: I don't think I hated it as much as you did, that being said I don't think it's a good film by any stretch of the imagination. I feel like on the internet there's this tendency when reviewing comic book movies to either really love something or absolutely hate it. There's also this crazy assumption that if you don't like a film it's because you didn't "understand the source material" or that you "didn't try hard enough", which is just absurd. I started reviewing films simply as a way of talking about my love of cinema, I really don't want to be the kind of person who just picks apart movies unnecessarily, so I'm going to try and keep this as level headed as possible. There were some parts I liked, but there were other parts that really didn't do it for me. I didn't HATE it, in fact I'd go so far as to praise it for its courage in trying to pull off some pretty big things, I just thought it was a bit messy and didn't really work as a standalone film.
TWIM: I think your last point is probably the most important. It often seems like the script for Batman v Superman had to pause itself in order to shoehorn in multiple teasers and tie-ins to other, future movies. Not only did they feel completely out of place in the movie, they managed to completely ruin any momentum the movie already had, and due to an unbelievably jumbled first hour full of scenes involving our main characters that just didn't seem to logically link, it didn't really have much momentum to start with.
RRD: I felt in terms of storytelling it was absolutely all over the place. The film was 2 hours and 30 minutes long and if I'm perfectly honest it could have done with some major cuts or at least something to shape it into a coherent narrative. Structurally, it was just a complete mess! The first 45 minutes of the movie pretty much set the tone for the entire thing, spending ages cutting between the various characters, cities and plot threads, with various time jumps that just felt utterly out of place. The film also had a load of weird dream sequences and odd visions that added virtually nothing to the story (other than make the run time even more excessive). There were a few moments where you could clearly see they were trying to add a little bit of depth, but unfortunately depth has never been one of Zack Snyder's best features. He's alright when it comes to doing flash things that look good on face value but the moment something happens that needs to be treated with an ounce of sensitivity – he has no idea how to handle it. I completely agree with you in terms of the name-drops and future plans ruining the movie, I feel like DC have to be incredibly careful with how they proceed following this as I think audiences are finally beginning to grow tired of the superhero movie formula. Where I live there is this old church, a beautiful building with stain glass windows and statues. But they built it in the middle of a bog (great idea!) which means that most of the time it has scaffolding around it to stop it sinking in the mud. I can't help but feel like the new DC shared universe is the same. They're attempting to do so much but I feel like they are rushing it a bit. They haven't spent enough time laying the ground work for the film, which means that no matter how great their plans are – they don't have us invested yet. I don't know how much longer audiences are going to put up with these multi-film franchises. If the film isn't good enough to stand on its own – there's no way you can add to it.
TWIM: I'm going to be honest here: I wanted to like this film. I love these characters – the Dark Knight trilogy might be my favourite all time trilogy (although I admit Rises does have a couple of flaws), and I really wanted this film to work. But it's awful. The problem lies in what you said about director Zack Snyder, in that he struggles with adding depth to his films – while I've always known Snyder was more of a visual stylist than a nuanced filmmaker, I've given him a pass on films like 300 and Watchmen. But to me, Batman v Superman is proof Snyder does not know how to coherently tell a story, instead trying to spruce it up with ridiculously indulgent visuals worthy of a Michael Bay film. I genuinely think Snyder and Bay exchange notes, because Snyder's direction here is up to par with a Michael Bay magnum opus. Because of his lack of depth, screenwriter Chris Terrio (writer of Argo, the Ben Affleck-directed Oscar winner, possibly explaining why Affleck is the only genuinely strong element of this picture) seems to feel he is obliged to force it in, and he writes dialogue that is completely up its own arse. I remember the criticism that Man of Steel got for its overuse of religious imagery, but Terrio takes it to another level, with every line seemingly indicating some form of God/Jesus hatred. Those lines mainly come out of Jesse Eisenberg's Lex Luthor, whose performance I want to talk about – not since Eddie Redmayne's work in Jupiter Ascending have I seen something so unbelievably hammed up, so insanely bad, in a major blockbuster.
RRD: You're right mate! I think the best thing they can do is fire Zack Snyder as the showrunner and replace him with someone who actually knows what they're doing. I'll admit some of the fight scenes were pretty well done but other than that I really don't think he's the mastermind DC thought they hired. I honestly don't even know where to start with the floppy haired mop-faced atrocity they called Lex Luthor. I'll admit he had one vaguely tense scene involving granny's peach tea (if you've seen the film you'll know what I'm on about), other than that he was just plain laughable. I can see what they were trying to go for with his casting (the sort of brattish, unpredictable social networking billionaire) but I think it was one of the biggest missteps in the film. Whenever he tried to appear intimidating or in any way formidable he just came of as a pathetic. He had these weird ticks and stuff where he'd clap his hands or make some random squeal, which I'm sure they thought would make him appear unpredictable, but in actual fact made him resemble a puppy who just got his tail trapped in a lift. What next – Michael Cera as Macbeth? Jim Parsons in a Hitler biopic? It was just stupid.
TWIM: I'm actually really glad you bought up Gal Gadot, because she's actually quite a solid bit of casting (despite the fact we get to see sparingly little of her) – she has that mystery to her, as well as this steeliness that I noticed throughout. If the movie did anything, it did make me a little more intrigued about how they're going to play the Wonder Woman solo film. And everything you say about Affleck I agree with – he's totally convincing, a Batman that absolutely typifies what he's about. While his electronically-distorted Batgrowl is a tiny bit cringy, the method and ideology of Batman are clearly fleshed out here, and Affleck really is a terrific Batman. In a way that makes me even more annoyed the film he was in let him down. I also think that Jeremy Irons deserves a mention, because his Alfred has this real wit and bite that I loved. Irons and Affleck on screen together is a superb duo and probably the best thing in the movie – I really hope we do get a solo movie with these two front and centre.
RRD: You weren't a fan of the robo-bat-voice? I thought it was okay – I kind of preferred it to the growly Nolan voice which sounded like a person with throat cancer gargled marbles. I have to admit I thought Jeremy Irons gave a pretty solid performance as Alfred. I thought he was a little bit lost in the film with the massive run time and the sheer number of characters; I'd totally love to see a solo Batman film with an Affleck/Irons pairing though.
TWIM: It wasn't bad, I could definitely accept it as Batfleck's Batgrowl, but even though the Bale voice was an effective way of showing the dangers of smoking, I still kind of preferred it as you could tell that voice wasn't altered, it's just the real, raw thing. Irons isn't the only one lost in Batman v Superman, it seems like everybody gets lost, even Superman at times as he blends into the beautiful wooden interiors of Metropolis apartments.
RRD: What do you think about the plans for the DCCU? Are you still optimistic? Were you ever optimistic?
TWIM: Looking at the DCCU right now, I couldn't say that I was pumped as a reviewer. As a fan, I'm willing to hold out hope that the films preceding the double part Justice League extravaganza (directed by Snyder, ensuring a complete lack of subtlety throughout) will be alright. Suicide Squad looks like it has something going for it, I'm relatively interested to see what the Wonder Woman movie tries, although the way in which they tried to tease The Flash and Aquaman didn't really do much at all.
RRD: I think I'm pretty much in the same boat as you on the whole DCU in general. Judging by the two films we've seen so far I'm a little bit unsure on a critical front, but as a lifelong DC fan I'm pretty excited to see what their endgame is. I felt like Batman v Superman in many ways functions as a messy prelude or an overture for later things to come. I'm still pretty hopeful that Suicide Squad will be good and although I have doubts about the Justice League it could still be interesting. I feel like a lot of people are going to write off all of DC's plans based solely on this movie but I think it still has the potential for great things.
TWIM: The last thing I would probably say is that I wouldn't judge the entire Universe on this movie. Some franchises take a while to get going, and while those ones probably didn't start off with an absolute atrocity of an action movie, that doesn't mean to say that future instalments can't be good. I always go into a movie knowing that any of them could be the next Citizen Kane, and I'm still going to have that hope when I plough on through the rest of the DC Universe. And besides, the accountants at Warner Bros. won't mind, as a $172m (estimated, at time of writing) opening weekend is nothing to pull your nose up at. I'm going to give Batman v Superman: Dawn of Jumble a 1/4. I really didn't like this thing, and besides the quality of Affleck, Irons, and some solid cinematography at times from Larry Fong, the whole thing is a hot mess. Performances are forgettable and in Eisenberg's case, unfathomable. Direction isn't focused, and is about as subtle as a nail bomb in your postbox. The writing is simultaneously lazy and overworked, self-important and irrelevant. Overall, this was a misfire on DC's part.
RRD: I completely agree, I feel as though no matter what happens this movie will be a success and make a lot of money for Warner Bros. regardless. I really wanted this movie to be good (I feel as though there is this misconception that reviewers purely exist to nit-pick and destroy movies but for me that couldn't be further from the truth. I go into the cinema with the same expectations as everyone else and when I love a movie I can't help but praise it). But unfortunately I was left with a sour taste in my mouth upon leaving. The film neglects even the basics of filmmaking and just feels overwrought, messy and dare I say it boring. It saddens me to do this but I have to give Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice a 3.8/10.
James Stephenson


text:
I explained to my Roman Catholic wife that wearing a pendant like this is contrary to the beliefs of her church.
In the Book of Macabee's, Emperor Antiochus Ephiphanes examined the bodies of fallen Jewish soldiers and discovered that they were wearing pagan amulets
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