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My recovery from porn-induced erectile dysfunction is taking way too long.
"Why haven't I healed yet from porn-induced ED?" is the hardest question we attempt to answer. That's why this FAQ is so damn long - we packed it with as many suggestions as guys say worked for them, and as much info as possible.
Porn-induced sexual dysfunction rates in young men are soaring. Men under 40 virtually never needed sexual enhancement drugs until streaming porn arrived. See Research confirms sharp rise in youthful sexual dysfunctions.
If you are under 30 and started early on Internet porn, I strongly suggest you educate yourself on the differences between an adolescent brain and an adult brain. The difference is not simply quantity of experience, and learning the differences will help you understand why you (and those in your generation) were more vulnerable to developing porn-induced sexual dysfunctions than some older guys, who "set' their sexuality before they found streaming porn. The following resources will help:
- Porn-Induced ED Reboot Advice Vlog: Gabe Deem - 9 months to have sex, 15 months to get an erection by my own touch alone.
- Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet - Gabe's reboot thread where he answers questions about his long reboot.
- Current video - Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn
- Psychology Today post - Young Porn Users Need Longer To Recover Their Mojo - describes the emerging trend of young guys taking longer to regain erectile health. It contains a good deal of addiction neuroscience science and animal experiments that line up with young men's experiences.
- This article - Sexual brain training matters—especially during adolescence, explains why the adolescent brain is uniquely vulnerable to rewiring and addiction.
- An easily accessible talk by adolescent brain expert Jay Giedd- Evolution and the Digital Revolution: How Using Technology Affects Kids' Brain Development
- Gary's radio show on on the vulnerabilities and malleability of the adolescent brain
- Progress reports during long reboots - personal accounts of ups and downs
- Rebooted for 8 months, but fell back into ED & flatline (see the great answers by Gabe)
- Does post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) occur with porn addiction?
Rebooting accounts of a few "long rebooters":
- Age 16 - I honestly have never felt this happy in my life. I feel like myself again.
- Age 17 - (ED) more awake, relaxed, outgoing & happy
- Account from a 17-year old
- Age 18 - 6 month report: ED, no sensitivity
- Age 18 - ED & delayed ejaculation healed: It all seemed so hopeless at the beginning
- Age 18 - (ED) 130 days - masturbated at day 123 to prime the pump
- Age 20 - ED cured: took 200 days
- Age 20 - ED & DE: 150 days, successful sex
- Rebooting account of a 20-year old
- Age 21 - (ED) 5-months, continued to have sex
- Age 21 - Porn-induced ED cured! This was an amazing feeling as my dick has been dead in pretty much all my sexual exploits for the past 3 years
- Age 21 - From virgin with complete PIED to consistent sex with GF (almost 2 years)
- Age 21 - ED, It took 8 months no PMO
- Age 22 - (ED) A different perspective (Why your pillow might just be the cure)
- Age 22 - ED cured. My libido was strictly dependent on porn. No porn = No libido.
- Age 22 - ED, DE, PE, and anxious: I'm now a sexual beast
- Age 22 - ED: 105 days without porn or masturbation
- Age 22 - 300 days - ED, DE, confidence with women
- Age 22 - ED cured: but I had to wake up my libido with sex and ejaculations
- Age 23 - (ED): A guy and his girlfriend both describe reboot, 130 days
- Age 23 - (ED), 7 months - needed an emotional bond
- Age 24 - Healed my ED, but PMO binges set me back during last 18 months
- Age 24 - ED cured, even when I thought it would never happen (20 months) This guy figured out that "peeking" was what slowed him down.
- Age 24 - ED, now my erections are the hardest they have ever been
- Age 24 - ED healed, but sex initiated a 7-week flatline. I am finally healed
- Age 24 - ED cured, 5 Viagras helped with transition
- Age 24 - ED still lurking after a year
- Age 25 - It feels like the disconnect between my brain and my penis has finally begun to recover
- Age 25 - ED healed after 18 months of No Porn
- Age 25 - 2+ Years later, my porn-induced ED is Gone!
- Age 25 - ED, complete recovery, hypno and kegels helpful
- Age 26 - 10 years of chronic ED cured
- Age 26 - Virgin, needed to rewire to real mate
- Age 26 - PE cured, strong erections, confidence, fetishes gone, 2 dozen benefits
- Age 29 - (ED): Day 236, Just had successful sex
- Age 29 - (ED) The Cold Hard Truth: 2 years rebooting, 1.5 years no porn
- Age 30 - From one of the worst cases of erectile dysfunction, and a lifetime of femdom conditioning, to enjoying a vanilla sex life. Took over 2 years.
- Age 33 - Desensitized to real sex
- Age 35 - Overcoming porn addiction with the Zazen method
- Severe PIED - 30's and virgin until few years ago. Its taken 3 years, needed to eventually eliminate masturbation
- Did porn warp me forever? (Salon)
- One year to hit 90 days - Low libido & ED cured
- 132 days - successful sex (ED)
- ED - 11 months to have sex. 16 months and I am still improving.
- 9 months - (ED), more confident, fetishes faded, I connect with a woman on every level
- Day 124 My Progress so far
- After 3+ years of NoFap. Close to full recovery from ED & Delayed Ejaculation
- ED recovery kick started with meth after long reboot
- 177 days - ED & HOCD, with a girlfriends help
- 2 years - Porn & Prostitute Addiction, Relationship Problems, ED, and Flatline!
- 170 days - ED not completely healed, but confidence skyrocketed
- ED cured but long refractory period
- I spent a ton of time rebooting (may wish to read his entire blog)
- I can feel music again. I enjoy conversations with strangers. I'm 1.5 years in.
- You may want to read other's stats here.
The Problem:
We hear this story far too often:
I'm in my mid twenties and a sufferer of this apparent new-fangled 21st Century broadband driven ED disorder. I've had three chances to lose my virginity with real flesh and blood women and I've failed every time (as in, these women were in my bed and ready to go, clothes off, but I couldn't do it. I've had other chances, and even other girls sleeping in my bed, but I didn't make the move because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it... even between the ages of 18 to 22). I won't go into the details but each time felt incredibly embarrassing, depressing and emasculating. I'm not gay in the slightest (I am in fact a raging heterosexual) but I simply could not have sex with these women.
If I could choose one word to describe what it felt like when I tried to have sex with them, I'd use the word 'alien.' It felt artificial and foreign to me. It's like I've gotten so conditioned to sitting in front of a screen and jerking it with the death-grip all these years that my mind considers that to be normal sex instead of real actual sex. I can get hard for porn, no problem, but not for the life of me can I get hard for a real woman.
Some brains just need a long time to re-train:
Second guy: Age 26 - Reboot took 3 years: No more ED, anxiety, sweating or panicking
Third guy: Honestly, I think more and more 2, 3 and 4 year recovery stories will start cropping up as the committed young rebooters start writing success stories. I know it's hard for some people to believe and accept, but reboots are becoming longer and longer now days. It doesn't necessarily mean everyone is going to take 2 years to recover...but if you are a guy in your 20s who started very young in life on high speed porn, there's a good bet that you are looking at 1+ years. So many people (including myself) have been on the forums for 1+ year now and are still in the process of recovering - and it's nothing to get discouraged from! Even though my ED isn't fully healed yet, I have grown as a man and I have a much more fulfilling life than I did two years ago. Seriously, I could not get it up for sex or porn at anytime no matter what a few years ago...and now I'm capable of having sex weekly. There's more work to be done, but the point is I'm recovering and growing and living a better life....and a reboot (no matter how long) is worth every ounce of commitment.
Fourth guy: While I've had a few relapses (although no binges) my reboot has taken an entire year. It is only recently that I can say that I am seeing real progress with ED, and have a desire for real women as opposed to porn. I started the reboot only when I realized that porn was an addiction. I realized "Man, PMO is the reason I get out of bed every morning". Giving up something like that is not one bit easy. Its almost comical, but you have to re-learn how to interact with people. I felt like I wasn't human when I was learning this because interaction is human 101. Little kids even know how to do it. I felt like a robot with artificial intelligence.
Another guy:
I almost wanted to give up hope. Thought I was incurable. Thought a lot of people like me were, those started at age 11 and didn't even have a first kiss till 18, and with no responses whatsoever down there with about 15 different girls when my times finally came.... It took me over a year of the worst ED you can imagine, until I finally found out: I was wrong. It took:
- 9.5 months absolutely no Porn
- the last 5.5 months were no Masturbation or Orgasm
- these last 4 weeks having sex again (low quality at first) to rewire
It got better and better each day of rewiring, and then today: I had the most amazing sex of my life. Just thinking about the feeling turns me on now. Don't give up hope. It takes time, even up to a year, but if you give up porn and even M for awhile and then rewire: YOU. WILL. HEAL. And it will be more worth it then you know... Good luck out there :)
I agree with "internal_idiot". You need much more time. You have to be patient and take this brain damage of yours very seriously. Gary Wilson has warned us about this. He said that some of the youngest guys need up to 9 months to recover. I myself have done 7 months now, and think that the "rebooting" takes a lot of time. But now I am sometimes able to have sex. 207 days ago I had completely ED just like you describe. I could use 3 hours every day to seek for the best bootys on the net.
The changes started after day 180. The difference in my life is like this:
Now I am able to focus on my work. Now I don't stop working every hour to look for porn. I can go through the hole day without thinking about sex. But when I suddenly see a nice ass, then I immediately almost go crazy about it. Then I find my self - opening my mouth and eyes wide up and stare like mad at her. As you see - I think much less about sex, but when I suddenly do, then it's because I see a real woman and then the feelings are suddenly intense. I like this new life much better.
When guys first showed up with porn-related sexual performance problems, they generally recovered in about two months of no porn, masturbation, porn fantasy, and a minimum of orgasm (See: How long will it take to recover from Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction? ). Most were computer wizards who had started using highspeed Internet ahead of the curve, and arrived when they noticed that they were having uncharacteristic performance problems.
When they started masturbating at puberty, most weren't using the Internet at all. Depending upon their ages and circumstances, they started masturbation with a catalog, a magazine, a video, a grainy TV porn channel, or amazingly (to today's young guys), their imagination. Most had some sex with a real partner before they were able to access highspeed Internet porn. (See this 25-year old's account. He had more real sex early on, and didn't develop ED until he started using porn heavily.)
Their history is important, because they were training their brains differently from today's young guys who masturbate to highspeed Internet porn from puberty onward (or, in some cases, from before puberty). The latecomers-to-highspeed, who are usually older:
- on average, didn't start masturbating to porn as young because extreme stimulation wasn't as easy to access,
- typically focused on the sensations of masturbation a bit more, because visual stimulation wasn't always accessible,
- used their imaginations much of the time, often fantasizing about realistic encounters, instead of being force-fed extreme visual stimulation, where the only role they had was "voyeur,"
- didn't masturbate as often, because without constant novelty, it often takes a lot of work to climax if one tries to do it too frequently,
- couldn't overstimulate their brains to the extent one can with today's constant, ever-novel Internet porn, and
- didn't need to masturbate with a death-grip, because they weren't desensitizing their brains to the same extent. This also meant that normal sex wasn't so far removed from their masturbation experience.
All this has changed. Said a woman under a reply to one of our posts:
I have a limited sample (N=2), but I can tell you that I have seen first-hand the effects of overuse of porn. My ex-boyfriend was a habitual porn user. He had erectile dysfunction and started using Viagra at the age of 28. (However, his erectile dysfunction was limited to live partners, as he was able to attain and maintain an erection while watching porn.) He had delayed ejaculation and often could not ejaculate during intercourse, and instead had to pull out and self-stimulate. Contrast that with my current boyfriend. In his mid-40s, he has no problems with the quality of his erections and easily ejaculates during intercourse. He specifically does not watch porn as he is concerned about its effect on his performance. The difference is VERY noticeable. And appreciated.
Young guys who, from puberty, masturbate to Internet porn can easily overstimulate their brains, which, in turn, dampens their sexual responsiveness. They need a tighter and tighter grip, and increasing novelty to climax. This sexual experience bears little relationship to actual intercourse or oral sex with a real partner.
Given that pubescent/adolescent brains evolved to wire up sexual cues into strong brain pathways, today's guys are unwittingly forcing their sexuality into a fairly narrow groove, which is difficult to break out of. One reason is that, as they reach adulthood, their brains prune back unused circuitry. So brain circuits for courting and mating, that is, the circuits for the skills adolescents once typically strengthened via socialization and tamer masturbation habits, are weak, or perhaps gone.
Worse yet, these guys never suspect that they are developing sexual performance problems. Why?
- They don't know what normal male sexual responsiveness looks like, because they've been locked into the porn spiral for years, as have all their friends.
- The deterioration in erection strength is gradual.
- They often use Internet porn for many years before trying to have sex with a partner. And they never think to try masturbating without porn, which would show them the desensitization.
- Porn's constant novelty is a powerful, but unnatural, aphrodisiac, so they can always get off to porn if they watch enough, or more extreme material. Some unwittingly also undergo addiction-related changes that render Internet porn uniquely capable of stimulating the reward center of their brains, even though their brains are, over all, less responsive to normal stimuli, such as real sex.
- When they can't perform during real sex, they can always blame it on something else: alcohol, weed, the wrong hair or skin color of their partner, the absence of anal sex, whatever.
So what to do?
Chances are, if you're one of these young guys who grew up on internet porn and you want to experience normal sex, you need to get a fresh start. Your recovery is likely to take longer and be more gradual. Here's a rebooting account that should give you a good idea of what to expect: Age 18 - No sensation during intercourse. (More sample rebooting accounts here, here and here.) Even after you are recovered enough to have normal sex, you are likely to see continued improvements for months.
Recovery from porn-induced ED usually involves not doing and doing:
- No porn or porn substitutes.
- This restores the brain's sensitivity so you can respond to normal pleasure (rather than only to the extreme stimulation of constant novelty and a death-grip). Most guys report positive changes in mood, concentration, confidence, attraction to real potential mates and magnetism, and so forth within a couple of months.
- Time allows the sensitized porn pathways to weaken.
- Rewire your sexual arousal to real partners: Dating snuggling, touching, kissing, thinking about, having sex. If your erections remain sluggish or extreme undependable, your brain has probably not yet wired to normal sexual touch and real potential partners in the way that your ancestors' brains would have (in the absence of Internet porn).
Suggestion #1 - Wire Your Sexual Arousal to Real Partners:
Tip: Contact with potential mates is very beneficial at any point during rebooting or rewiring, as long as you do not push yourself to perform sexually before your body is ready. Dancing, kissing, fooling around, exchanging massage, and so forth, are all helpful in rewiring your brain to real partners. Cuddle buddies are excellent. Also keep in mind that research shows that oxytocin (which is released during affectionate touch and close, trusted companionship) is vital for erections. If casual hook-ups aren't working, try a relationship. See Guys: Where Do You Fall on the Monogamy Spectrum? for a better understanding of why your brain may be seeking more connection (than a typical hook up) when it comes to real partners.
Advice from a guy who coaches others for relationships and sex:
It's a really bad idea to put yourself into a "must perform" situation when you first try having intercourse again. Give your partner this: Boyfriend Quitting Porn? 5 Tips
You have to take a long term view of this. And do things that will get you there in steps rather than just go for do-or-die situations, or just say "screw it" and give up altogether. You may have to find yourself a woman who is patient and willing to just cuddle for a bit. They are out there.
Rewiring has sped up my reboot!
Hi everyone! So I'm at 100+ days no PMO and I've been spending some time with a great girl.
The almost all of this reboot I've been in a flatline - while my morning woods have slowly been getting harder and increasing in frequency, I've still had very little libido and zero spontaneous erections.
About 7 days ago I spent a comfortable, relaxed night with a girl that seemed to have reawakened something in! We kissed, cuddled and did some touching all with clothes on. It was an amazing feeling - I've been feeling an increase in libido and healthy sexual perspective on women since!
I'm definitely still not recovered - my erections aren't hard enough yet, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't have successful sex, but I just wanted to write because I really, really, really think that kissing, cuddling and being intimate without orgasming can accelerate your reboot by leagues.
Age 20 - Erectile dysfunction: You need to think and concentrate on sex with the body in front of you!
One night saved my life. I was with a girl kissing in my friend's room at a party and we ended up both naked and guess what... I had a ROCK hard boner. she didn't want to have sex so i took a bj BUT I realized what the problem was and how I was able to have sex if i wanted it. You NEED to think and concentrate on sex with the body in front of you! This might sound obvious but to a kid whose been watching porn his whole life and never had to concentrate during masturbation this was news to me.
I always thought when you're with a girl you should be thinking about nothing because naturally you should want to have sex with her right? Not for me. All these failed attempts nothing was going on in my head and I mean nothing. How are you supposed to get stimulated if you're thinking about nothing? Think about the girl in front of you and sex! No one seems to be making this point but it fixed me up as soon as I thought about it.
My advice: Find a girl and rewire, even if you're ashamed of ED
Over and over, I see posts from guys who've been rebooting for a long, long time, and they haven't been with a girl during that time. A common sentiment is that they're not ready for sex, and they don't feel comfortable being with a girl until they are. This betrays a misunderstanding of what sex is. It's so much more than penis in vagina. You can please a woman with kisses, cuddles, fingers, tongue, hands, words and noises.I believe rewiring is essential to a reboot. I've been trying for a year, and never made so much progress as during my current streak, when I've been with three girls. They've all been super supportive. I've told them about PIED. They didn't care. They liked sleeping with me regardless. With the final two, I was eventually able to have sex without orgasm. And last week, I orgasmed with the girl I'm seeing at the moment. And I feel great. Have the hardest morning wood of my reboot, and my libido is strong. Assuming this holds up, I credit it to the weeks of rewiring I did prior to orgasming. It is never too soon to start going on dates and talking to women. Especially for those of you who are virgins. Having a girl won't magically make your PMO addiction go away, but it does make things easier. Getting a girl is something you'll want to do eventually. And guess what? You'll probably suck at this, at first. Then you'll get better, and you'll wonder why you ever thought it was hard. But start now, so you can go through the 1-3 months of learning it will take to get decent at this. Then by the time you're ready, you'll be able to get women. I was a virgin until 22, and had PIED. Didn't really have much luck with women until a few months ago. I'm age 27 now. And then, simply by trying, I went from being "bad with women" to doing pretty well and being able to attract women I liked and who are beautiful. You can do it too. If you're totally new at this, I recommend reading a few seduction materials. Just remember, you only have to take the parts you like. So if you're not interested in dating multiple women, then ignore the advice that deals with that. Pay attention to the grooming advice instead, or self-confidence, or style. I've found Mark Manson (his book models) and Nick Notas to have good advice that's devoid of the creepier side of the seduction community.
Don't orgasm with a girl until you're ready. I got to the point where it felt like I was blocking myself by avoiding orgasm. But sleeping with women for a couple months beforehand helped get my body to that point where I was ready.
Start now.
Long rebooters who haven't rewired need to-you're more recovered than you think
Find a partner. You may be more ready than you think. As a rebooter since [7 months ago] whose had successful sex at least 10 times since then, I say this because despite these successful attempts I still:
-Barely ever get morning wood
-Barely ever get spontaneous erections
-Find it difficult to self-stimulate and maintain an erection on my own
If I never tried rewiring with an actual girl I'd almost certainly be feeling pretty hopeless with all these symptoms still present, but they were all present (and still are) while I was rewiring and while I was sexually active.
Unless I'm talking to a girl, or drunk (or both), I find I really don't have much of a libido during the day. Can't say whether that's "normal" or not, but all I have to compare it to is a libido shaped by 15 year long habitual porn use. At the least it makes it easy to avoid PMO. I will say that the times of being so horny to the point of not being able to concentrate unless I masturbated certainly aren't missed, and I certainly don't believe that that was a sign of a healthy sex drive. A lot of PIED sufferers seem to worry about their sex drive too much, and ironically enough seem to set a standard of a "normal" libido by how their sex drive felt during their years of excessive porn use. Which to me doesn't make a whole lot of sense and is ultimately self-defeating. I truly believe that if you just stop worrying so much and stay away from PMO the body will take care of itself. This is coming from a guy with YEARS of chronic ED and libido issues. I've experienced a truly dead libido for extended periods of time, it's a scary thing and I sympathize with anyone who has to go through that, but I have a feeling a lot of the guys here are going through something much less dire and just need to open up to girls more.
Another guy: Age 28 - increased sexual sensitivity, more confidence, I feel my feelings (Note how opening up and relaxing with girlfriend triggered erections.)
Being around potential partners really helps - comments from successful rebooters:
- I don't think I ever had an erection without porn or heavy making out until I met my girlfriend. Just standing behind her while whispering things into each other's ears made me spring, without any heavy stimulation. A feeling I truly treasure.;
- I noticed that my mood completely shifted as soon as I started talking to this girl I know from university. It's like talking to her just stomped on my depression, filled me with confidence and reminded me of the importance of this reboot. I noticed that I smile unintentionally much much more when talking to girls. And like I mentioned before, it's really fun :D
- I think if you are single, you simply must figure out a way to get a cuddle buddy. It's a weird concept in our world, but really what's weird is living by yourself without regular skin to skin contact with others. You are missing a lot of nourishment that humans need, and if you have that, you are very likely to escape your addiction much more easily.
- Find someone you can cuddle with non-sexually. That is the key to success with this. Without that it is really tough. With a platonic girlfriend who lets you cuddle, you have a great chance of success and won't be frustrated. Weirdly it seems not to be frustrating although you would think it would be -- to cuddle with a girl and not have sex with her. But actually it is very satisfying.
- I have been perhaps one of the longest cases on this site which was troubling for me as I recovered, and hopefully can serve as some inspiration for those frustrated with lack of results. First off: getting a consistent partner was what did it for me. Before that frustration was all I saw. Starting at month 7 after reboot I had someone to flirt with, sleep with, cuddle with, and kiss gently before moving to sex. This slowly got me going again. At first I could only get hard for short periods of a time and had to "rush" for penetration, but after each time my erections got stronger. Also high levels of PE have subsided as time has worn on--practice makes perfect. I now get hard just by gently kissing my lover and have zero issues with erection quality. I have zero desire to masturbate and am sure libido will continue to improve, as well as my orgasms which were nothing of note at at start (but have slowly gotten better). I had sex three times in one night with zero difficulty so I cannot believe how far I have come since embarking on this journey. Get a real partner, take the time to get to connect with someone (not just sexually), and it is an experience too powerful to describe. With everything taking so long for me, I can only imagine the changes a year from now. 9 months later and I am a changed man. I certainly felt obliged to share this final update for all those struggling out there and hope no one ever has to go through what I did. Full rebooting account
Wiring to normal fantasy:
[This guy had cuddle buddies throughout his reboot. After 3 months of no fantasizing...]
I started fantasizing again. Not about porn, but real girls, sex and the scenarios I'd like to have with them. It slowly awakened my penis after three months. It helped getting my sex drive back, together with real intimacy with real girls. And especially dirty talk and texting with them. Humans fantasize, it's normal. Porn is not normal.
Of course, it's possible he was just rebooted at three months.
Suggestion #2: Wiring to Normal Touch:
Tip: There's no point in attempting to wire to normal sexual touch until your reward circuitry is capable of responding to normal stimuli. You might want to wait until your reboot has been underway for a couple of months. Premature action is discouraging. You won't be able to feel subtle sensations yet, so you will be tempted to overstimulate yourself, edge...and perhaps relapse. Here's a a program by a porn addiction therapist: Learning the art of 'mindful' masturbation (UK Therapist Paula Hall)
This guy (26) began the rewiring process at around four months (but two months is probably fine, too):
I've been doing this reboot for more than 4 months without porn and masturbation. Finally, I can confirm that my erection is fully recovered. I have had morning wood almost every morning this week, some lasted for 10-15 min, but some even for an hour. I am just so happy and proud of myself now.
Here are the details. Like some other guys in this forum, I used to worry a lot about why it was taking so long for a complete recovery, even though I still believed that it would happen someday. During this period, I tried to test myself several times with no success. I watched videos on YouTube that had a little bit of sexual imagery, and masturbated without ejaculating. However, eventually I stopped testing myself and tried to think positive.
When I reached 4 months recently, I decided to do something different. Almost every time I take a shower, I give my penis a light massage. I massage my testicles and then do some light and slow strokes. I don't try to force an erection. After about 1 week of doing this, I feel like my boy is responding better and better to my massage and strokes. Finally I get hard-rock morning wood. This is just my experience, but I am not sure it will work for everyone.
I think the best time to use this experiment would be probably 4 months and up. It depends on each person's history. I had masturbated since I was 10, so for me to get the results,I needed longer than a person who just started masturbating 2, or 3 years earlier, I guess. I just stimulate myself about 50, 60% and stop. I never go all the way and ejaculate. I also think that one of the most important key here is we should never ejaculate during the reboot period. The reason is this is the time for your body and your lil boy to rejuvenate itself, so it needs a lot of nutrition and energy in order to do that. And we also should not test ourselves in the early stage. It would be very dangerous because our mind isn't stable yet. It's still in the borderline.
This is not an exercise in trying to produce an erection! This is an exercise in wiring your brain to sensual touch, with no performance pressure whatsoever. Do not use fantasy. Do not "test" your erection strength. Just focus on the physical feelings of sensual touch. If you do become erect, stay well back from The Edge of orgasm.
Keep the session to a minute (unless you start to overheat), but repeat it daily. Really give your body gentle, nurturing attention during the session.
I can attest that a little stimulation helps reawaken your libido. But at the same time, reawakening it has the high possibility of resulting in a binge relapse if you're not careful. In terms of when to initiate the reawakening process, prove to yourself you're able to handle the rebooting process by going at least 2 months without any PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm). A real indicator that your tastes have shifted to normal is when you spontaneously begin thinking about real 3-D women in your everyday life, as opposed to the 2D counterparts from your porn memories. Let me say it again: You have to walk before you learn to run. A person struggling with PMO has got to do a successful reboot, and then progress to a little reawakening stimulation.
Another man described his massage practice with his partner:
Allow her to offer you a genital/penis massage at least 3 or 4 times a week during the next two weeks. Doing it every day is okay too, but you really should willingly do something non-sexual for her in exchange. It should be something of her choice that would please her.
A genital massage session should last at least 20 minutes but not more than 45 minutes. The point of this is to help acclimate you toward receiving direct genital touching without getting "heated up" or aroused or to the point that you want to encourage the urge to ejaculate. Permit the woman to keep her clothes on. Lie on your back, open your legs and relax. Have her apply some almond oil to her hand and let her gently and very, very slowly massage your scrotum, testicles, penis and perineum. Breathe slowly and deeply while she softly and tenderly pulls the skin of the scrotum and pubic hair. These light touches require that you remain still. Have her push slightly (with short fingernails if possible) into your groin at different places around your penis to release built up tension. Don't encourage her to stroke the penis! She can do gentle, light squeezing and releasing along the shaft and head.
Due to the fact that the male genitals have experienced a constant build-up of tension through orgasm and ejaculation, this type of gentle massage from a female greatly relieves soreness and pain in that area. It is very soothing and relaxing.
If you are prone to getting heated up easily, then have a bowl of ice and a cold damp wash cloth next to the bed. As soon as you feel that familiar horny, full feeling, which means the semen is beginning to load in your prostate, have her stop the massage and place the cold rag on your testicles and the sensation will eventually subside. Then your partner can go back to the massage.
Remember, if abstaining from masturbating is causing you to get "blue balls," apply the cold compress for a few minutes whenever the pain arises. It took only about a week for me to overcome the soreness when I finally quit masturbating. After that, my body adjusted and all the symptoms of "blue balls" went away once and for all.
After the reboot I truly believe that resensitization is a must Taking a few min every day to literally focus on nothing but the feeling on light and non goal oriented self touch is critical to the last leg of recovery. For a while there I was going nowhere, and I was one of those people who was past the 150 day mark. I felt like absolute hell because I thought i was doing everything right. Rebuilding those connections is important. Stay away from porn and focus on the sensation of it all.
Also, I did MO a handful of times in this time period. It is not the end of the world. How could it possibly undo everything? It slows you down, sure, but not much. just stay away from P and you'll get closer every day. If you have a lady friend I encourage you to ask them to "taunt" you for a while. Have them slowly massage you in the below the belt area and just absorb everything in. Feel as much as you can. I promise this is the last leg of the recovery that so many are missing. Just ignoring your junk is not way to take care of it.
Another guy:
I have found performing the genital massages (testicles only, no shaft) on myself to be very helpful in relieving sexual tension and avoiding the urge to masturbate.
Another guy:
Rewire to real sex after rebooting: I finished my reboot and binged, but after those 3 more months away from porn I noticed that my libido and attraction for girls was so weak, as my sexual anxiety was still there… again crappy feelings were hitting me. It was for me a real concern, and I decided that it was time to explain to my brain what is my sexual focus, and reinforce it. My problem is that there are no women around me now, so I decided to start masturbating, once or twice a week, fantasizing about kissing, touching and being completely aware of the physical sensation, doing it smoothly and slowly. I'm now seeing that my desire to intimate with a girl is coming back and replacing my old ED-related fear feeling. I'm also noticing that my erectile response is improving and I can keep it up harder and harder for longer and longer and the pleasure is insane. My idea is to grow sexual again with a low stimulation degree until I can have real sex.
Another guy:
Rewire to your sensual touch! Lay in bed, close your eyes, breath deeply (5 secs in, 5 secs out) and use two fingers to touch your body or massage yourself, your penis and testicles. For me, this was the break through, after a long reboot and only little progress!
Another guy:
I had urges for a couple days, but then I got a huge. Fucking. Flatline. I'm talking probably 6+ months of no drive. Age 17 - one year
Another guy:
Okay, so I took NoFap as a challenge and lasted 105 days, something I would never have imagined before. The first weeks were great, I felt more energetic and motivated, so there definitely are benefits to this. I experienced some minor flatlining in between, but overall it's been a positive experience and it helped me to improve my life.
Since around day 80 however, the benefits were gone and I was constantly tired and lost all my drive, not only sexually. Of course at first I thought I hit another flatline, but it didn't get better at all and I really felt like I had to release some pressure - I've had no sex within these days, so it was 105 days without any orgasm.
So today I finally decided to cave in and masturbate. It was planned, without porn and quick, no big business like it was before NoFap.
And hell, I'm feeling better! I'm not so tired anymore, the pressure, the urge is gone and I can finally concentrate on other things again.
So, to conclude this: I believe that masturbation is absolutely okay, as long as you're keeping away form porn (the real problem here is porn!), not making a big deal out of it and really just use it as a perfectly natural way to get rid of some things that accumulated in your body.
EDIT: Just to make this clear: This is not about NoFap not working or not being worth the effort. I set 90 days as my goal and kept up with it and you should do the same. It has improved my life and it will improve your life. However, I don't believe in banning masturbation forever. It is possible to find a healthy relationship to your body and to fapping. Just listen to yourself.
Another guy: Age 39 - (ED) married, Karezza
[At day 75] I masturbated with the light massage that is referred to here. I'd almost call it admirabation. More like a sensual celebration of having a good solid erection again with kegel squeezing, slow rubbing, with no orgasm or even an attempt to get close to orgasm.
Here's another technique for increasing sensitivity:
May I suggest a gentle exfoliate scrub on the outside of the penis? I tried that last week and it made everything much smoother, seemed to clear up a little skin damage, and immediately increased the sensitivity on the outside. Ultimately, the main problem is in your brain. But I think exfoliation is worth a go as well. Today is Day 160 of no PM for me. I have had sex a few times though I still need to work on reestablishing contact with my genitals and just generally being more present in the act.
I think that the exfoliation would be good for guys who've been rebooting a long time, maybe even more so than guys who are early on in their reboot and still have such a numbed-out brain. I tried it because my experimentation with genital awareness made me feel how disconnected I was down there. One night, I start doing light touches and felt like I couldn't feel that much on the surface of the skin. I have some skin damage that has probably desensitized the shaft a little bit so I was kind of testing that out as well.
I read somewhere that excessive masturbation with no lubrication can cause the skin to thicken and lose sensation, so I thought exfoliating the area would potentially remove some of that buildup. And it worked! I immediately felt smoother and more sensation down there and it's really helped me separate the lack of sensitivity in my brain from the lack of skin sensitivity (which is not really that bad anymore). I think this could be a really good practice for guys who've been rebooting a long time and are looking to jump-start their libido and begin the rewiring process (which is where I am). It definitely made sex more pleasurable a few days later. I think it would also be really good in conjunction with the almond oil massages that you advocate. I was also going to test out light touches with a feather to start getting used to gentle sensations again.
Overall, I would suggest doing the exfoliation, then using coconut oil and/or vitamin-E to protect and lubricate afterwards. I suppose this could also work for guys who are earlier in their reboot, perhaps particularly during the flatline phase. I'm definitely going to continue the practice weekly at least.
Spent over $500 on fleshlights over the years and used them before I started having sex. Using these with and without porn I still had erectile dysfunction issues. Also instead of thinking of PMO I started thinking of the sex toy, but still didn't think about women. Don't know if the fuck dolls would be any different. IMO it would hinder the reboot. Aren't those things expensive?
Suggestion #3: Porn-free masturbation
The goal is to have satisfying sex, not to see how long you can go without an ejaculation. YBOP isn't NoFap. If you choose to masturbate, you may want to start with a schedule. Eventually many guys will have to test with porn-free masturbation to get their brain's attention. Sometimes there aren't any overt symptoms that let you know you're "getting there" otherwise. The trouble is...if you test too soon, you may throw yourself into a porn binge - or have a mighty struggle with The 'Evil' Chaser. Whatever you do, don't use porn or porn substitutes, You can try masturbating to sensation only (no fantasy).
A test when you're well and truly ready seems to be beneficial. Read this guy's story, and this one. It's likely there's not one right answer. Alas, very little is known about the effects of sex on the brain or their reversal. A post from Fugu, suggesting both ejaculation and periods of abstinence for long rebooters:
I truly do believe the trick for long term rebooters is a combination of avoiding orgasms and having them...it sounds contradictory, but I think the best route for recovery is ~8-10 week spans without orgasm, followed by ONE orgasm (no over doing it), and then repeat until you've reached the finish line. Optimally you will be rewiring intensely during this time, but, if you don't have a steady partner, I think an MO session to pure sensation at the end of the 8-10 week period is perfectly acceptable.
Just my two cents on the issue!
9 months in, if you're still not getting erections, you might try this:
Try 'wax and waning'. Wax and waning is a way to masturbate which encourages you to practise getting it up and achieving large erections. What you have to do is this: get your penis erect, then let it get unerect, get your penis erect again and then let it get unerect, repeat this again, and then when you do it for the fourth time climax. Use your
imagination only and focus on your five senses. Only do this if your still struggling to get erect with women after a long period of abstaining from porn (say 9 months minimuim). Age 21 - Porn-induced ED, HOCD and Vagina Phobia finally cured after years
Intermittent masturbation
This man's technique might be useful for some, after a long period of rebooting. Keep in mind that he was atypical, not having become a regular porn user until 19. So, you may not want to masturbate as frequently as he did. But gentle masturbation interspersed with weeks off might be helpful...or not. Age 25 - How I Fixed My Porn-Induced ED Without Giving Up Masturbation
Suggestion #4: Various Mental & Physical Exercises
Various traditions taught energy circulation exercises for regulating sexual energy. Some involve visualizing heat or energy circulating from the root of the penis. See the "Fire Breath" technique, for example. These exercises can help some guys rewire their sexual arousal to sensations in their penises (as opposed to wiring only to visual stimulation, as in the case of masturbating strictly to Internet porn). This guy said:
Try energy circulation. I swear it's been working for me. Try to make your genitals "heat up" with energy, or at least try to draw your attention into your penis. For me, there's still a feeling of strain, like I can't go into it the same way I can draw my attention into my hand. But if you can feel your penis from the inside along the entire length, I bet you'll start noticing activity. I did energy flow exercises this morning and everything felt much more awake the rest of the day (hard, spontaneous erections etc.). Give it a try- I bet energy- flow exercises would help a lot of people who don't see results despite holding off PMO for a lot of days.
Here's another suggestion:
For awakening sexual energy - Start doing two things: every morning, after your sleep, stand in the middle of the room and start shaking the whole body. Become a shaker — shake the whole body from the toe to the head and feel that it is almost orgasmic…as if it is giving you a sexual orgasm. Enjoy it, nourish it, and if you start feeling that you would like to make a few sounds, make them, and just enjoy it — for ten minutes. Then rub the whole body with a dry towel and take a shower. Do this every morning, and within two or three weeks the balance will come. Link
Kegel exercises
I seriously had a massive issue with not getting erections around women, or in general, for a long time. I couldn't even remember when it started it was so normal not to ever get hard.
After a 100+ day reboot, when I got into 4 months, I just knew I was mentally rebooted, and I was starting to feel mentally aroused by things. It was different from before when I saw an amazing bum in tight trousers and you tell yourself your hot for it, only because you think you should be, but not cause you actually are.
When I got to this rebooted, back-to-mentally-aroused stage my penis still had no life to it - ever, only a couple of moments where I thought I could see improvements, but it was the same as watching a man in a coma and seeing a finger twitch or an eyelid flicker and asking yourself 'Did he do that before or is that new??'
So I started Kegel Exercises. Physically speaking they help get better, harder erections, and have been heard to regain erections after ED. Well it worked a treat. Within two weeks I was waking up with full morning glory, very gd semi's throughout the day. For the first time in however long I could remember I test masturbated and was 100% - with so many other things regained.
It was the re-wiring aspect of the exercise that brought this back, closing your eyes and trying to contract the right muscles, but having to think and feel your penis again, not just having it there as a dead extremity.
Kegels - re-wiring brain to penis and physically improving your penis through muscular exercise. Now, I could hang a towel off it after not seeing it move in monthssssss!!
Here's another technique for increasing sensitivity:
A lot of guys here have said they don't feel their penis and I get that. I think we stuff our genitals in our underwear and kind of ignore them until we "need" them to urinate or for sex. I've heard women say they've done some "breast focus" and gotten some amazing results. So in the last few days I've started meditating around feeling my penis. Being aware of it. Feeling it, including the tip, shaft and what's underneath, the root, and the testicles. Spending time during the day just being aware of them. And some meditation where I direct focused love to that area and project a lot of consciousness there.
It is really a simple thing. Sit down, close your eyes, and project your attention to your penis and try to feel it inside rather than see it visually in your mind. That's all. Rinse and repeat.It is really a simple thing. Sit down, close your eyes, and project your attention to your penis and try to feel it inside rather than see it visually in your mind. That's all. Rinse and repeat.
Even in a few days of this practice I can say I have much more ability to feel my penis especially the root of the penis. Intercourse today was extremely pleasurable and I was able to sustain focus on my penis root and feel much more sensation and pleasure throughout my body. I also felt it contributed a lot to my beloved's pleasure. She reported feeling more sensation in her vagina and I could feel that as well, I could feel her feeling me in a great dance.
Another guy tried it:
Initially I didn't feel anything. So I started making small movements. I was doing kegels, but with the slightest movement. A gentle twitch. After a minute of doing that I started to feel it. At the base of the penis head, and then at the root. I didn't feel the shaft at all. I'm not sure how long I did this, but I drifted off to sleep because I felt so relaxed. It's like you're connecting with your body, not in a physical sense, but with energy and you can visualize it. It's a nice and weird feeling. I'll continue doing this until I have sex again. I'm curious about the results.
Various Suggestions:
1) Relaxation brings out the animal in YOU!
Today I was finally able to experience sex again with a strong, healthy erection which lasted over 30 mins AND stayed rock solid for 15 minutes afterwards! After 122 days of uncertainty and frustration I'm finally seeing solid evidence that the reboot has worked, and that my awful struggles with ED over the past few years are coming to a close.
In addition to abstaining from PMO and fantasizing, there was one last thing that was holding me back. Turns out that relaxation is SO important! Once the body heals, sometimes you're still not able to use your unit because the stress gives anxiety-related ED. I was unconsciously holding onto a lot of tension in my chest and stomach. By relaxing I started to feel more from my belly, and it seemed to just power everything.
When I'm relaxed I feel a tingling in my genitals, I naturally have fuller more fulfilling breaths, and when I see a woman that turns me on I feel overcome with that melty emotion radiating out from my belly which almost rolls my eyes. Now, when I want to be turned on, I just trance into relaxation and my whole body just gets charged, feels animalistic, and then wants to just aggressively ravage the woman I'm with. I feel this may be holding others back as well, especially the really young guys. They maybe never knew this relaxed/charged feeling. Without it I believe they may stay stuck in 'thinking/tense' mode, as I was.
Within a day or two of committing to relaxation I immediately started seeing very strong improvement! Also the kegel exercises and abstaining from orgasm definitely helped me last an insanely long time!
Another guy tried it:
This relaxation thing you describe works amazingly! Yesterday I had a completely random erection that just would not go away for like an hour. That hasn't happened to me in years. I already feel so much better. Really excited to keep this up.
2) A dietary change helped this man with his addiction, but it may be relevant to flatliners...or not:
I started my zero-sugar diet. Just eating meats, veggies like avocado and eating some nuts. Within a day, I realized I felt OK not looking at porn. Within a few days I realized I had not thought about it for that time. After a week I got a bit scared because my sex-drive went from wanting it every day, to now I haven't masturbated OR looked at porn OR had sex, in seven days. Now I am actually freaking out thinking I broke something in me.
I go to my wife and she re-assures me that I am fine and that this is a great thing, that this is what I've been looking for. Freedom from sexual slavery. So that's helped me relax. We had sex, it was great. So, I am still functioning okay. After we had sex, I was dreading the chaser. It wasn't that bad. In fact, first time ever in my life I didn't masturbate or look at porn after having sex. We had sex again a few days later, and again, chaser was manageable for the second time ever.
It's been 29 days. I haven't masturbated or looked at porn. I have way more energy, I sleep better, my mood is way more stable, and I have more self-awareness. It's been nearly effortless compared to the first time in the last 3 years of continual trying and failing to do porn-free. How a diet change helped me become pornfree
3) This guy jumpstarted recovery with herbs (as well as quitting Internet porn)
- Age 23 - ED: TCM & Ayurveda may have helped
- Another guy (Check with healthcare provider before trying this one!):
I'm currently on day 81 and I had my flatline way earlier, probably in the late 20's early 30's or so. I did a lot of research and decided to try out horny goat weed as a libido booster. I used prolabs horny goat weed off bodybuilding.com which has horny goat weed (icariin) and other aphrodisiacs such as yohimbe, maca, and tribulus. I was out of flatline in a week... and you could also use it like 30 mins before sexual activity. Didn't build a dependency on it either.
4) Do you need to cut back your time on the Internet?
Many studies are coming out on how Internet addiction changes the brain in ways similar to how drug addiction changes the brain. Those studies include porn use, but they don't isolate porn use. So no one knows which guys suffering are mostly affected by porn, and which, if any, are mostly affected by Internet use of other kinds.
Many guys do much better when they give up Internet porn...only. That is, they're hooked on porn, not on Internet. But obviously, if it's your Internet use overall that has become compulsive, then some of your symptoms could be related to that too. If your symptoms don't improve, try cutting out a lot of Internet time, too, and substituting exercise, socializing, time in nature, meditation, etc. Eventually, you'll figure out what speeds your recovery.
We're guessing that ED points to porn being a big part of the problem. But we know of no studies that have compared the effects of porn to the effects of other Internet use...except this Dutch study, which was only looking at potential for compulsivity (and found erotica to be the most addictive online activity). Since then, however, video games have become even more compelling.
5) A fast for a few days?
Try a water fast (just water) for a couple of days...preferably in nature with a close friend. That worked for another long-rebooter. The science behind it can be found on www.gettingstronger.org. You want to kick-start your sluggish pleasure response by giving it almost no stimulation. For some it seems to reset the brain so food tastes better, colors are brighter, and sexual feelings awaken.
6) Use erectile dysfunction medications:
Age 27 - 115 days, jumpstart with Levitra
I'm 27 years old and you should consider my fap story as a worst case. It has taken 115 days to get rid of my addiction. Here is a small story and some tips which helped me.
I started with nofap-september, found a GF at about 75 day. We jumped in bed on 2nd date and I found myself without actual sexual desire and with ED. I explained to her what was wrong with me, she understood and we started trying to fix me. The problem was that everybody was saying something like: "give it some time to rewire your brain, just cuddle, kiss, and things will change naturally; don't use drugs" (http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/will-sexual-enhancement-drugs-help-my-porn-related-ed). But in my case, it did not help. And it was the hardest time for me - waiting for the rewiring... So, I had 2 problems. To fix my sexual desire, I started to eat aphrodisiacs. ( I eat nuts,ginger and honey 2 times a day.) They helped, but I became more desperate - I wanted to fuck her, but was not able. And a week ago I said to myself - "fuck this shit" and bought a pill of levitra. Had a great sex with her that night and finally, yesterday, had sex without pills. My brain was able to connect dots and solved the equation (sexual desire + horny naked girl beside -> erection).
My suggestion: Use sexual drugs if u have an ED in bed (after 90 nofap days). I'd recommend levitra - I had no side effects from it, just little higher blood pressure than normal.
A few guys' experiences with recovering during long reboots:
Guy 1:
I didn't really start feeling like my reboot was over until after Day 120 (I'm on Day 160 no PM today) and I still think I need to rewire some. I think it might take some time and intentional effort to restore sensitivity down there [using the exercises above on this page].
I had sex around Day 130 and it was super fast as might be expected. However, I had sex again multiple times 3-4 days ago and, to my surprise, I didn't have to fight that hard to keep from ejaculating too fast. It was almost like I could go as long as I would have pre-reboot (where I suffered from delayed ejaculation) - just with the added ability to ejaculate with less effort (i.e.- intense focusing on porn or some other situation), and much improved erection strength and recovery time.
It wasn't until the third session that I even really felt super sexual and engaged on a more emotional level. I really think the basic reboot just brings the brain back to neutral, and then you have to do some things to get yourself to where you want to be.
Since the sex, I've had more spontaneous erections, had morning wood (which I still hadn't been getting before), and have noticed that my penis seems bigger flaccid, like it's waking up or something.
[Advice to another guy] If I were you, I would hold off on ejaculating until about Day 150 (unless you feel better sooner), do some of the energy flow/genital awareness exercises, then start trying to actively rewire the brain through sex.
I really felt my brain engaging once I actually started doing the act. For instance, the first time I entered the girl I was probably about 80% erect and doubt I could have gotten it harder. But by the third session, I was rock hard before entry. I kind of think that the 90-day talk is a bit optimistic in general, and I think the mindset of "just leave it alone and you'll be back to normal" is the wrong mentality. I think you might have reset the brain to neutral in 90 days (longer for me), and then have to take an active role in healing yourself.
Guy 2:
I'm 22 and have been a lurker here for some time now discovered your brain on porn (YBOP) late December and from then on have been rebooting since the 1st of January. Had tried in the past to give up fapping and porn but failed. I realized I was addicted to both and they were having a negative effect on my life. I told myself I was destroying my youth and with a strange inner resolve gave up completely and without much struggle. Porn had also effected my relationships with women and I have experienced ED a couple of time in the past because of it. I'm a good looking guy and never had trouble with getting girls but as soon as things got hot and heavy I would lose my erection. This destroyed me emotionally. I felt I'd lost my manhood and my life.
10- 15 days into no fap I had a huge surge of energy and zeal for life. I couldn't believe how beneficial no fap was, but then after about 3 weeks in came the flatline. My libido went to zero and to make things worse women were all over me. I had so many opportunities, but was afraid to act upon them, and even turned them away because I was afraid I wasn't fully recovered. Low libido is really a horrible thing. It was terrifying. I felt asexual for a long time.
I experienced wet dreams nearly ever week during the reboot. First they were about porn but then they changed to girls I knew, which was a good indicator of recovery. Between day 60-70 I decided to give it a shot with this girl, but my sex drive was still very low ended up only getting head in the end because she was on her period. The flatline continued I was quite depressed because of it, but I kept going I knew I had to fight on.
Around day 97 I fapped. No porn involved, no chaser effect etc. Decided to fap once a week after that, and let me tell you guys my libido returned like a fuckin rocket! Couldn't believe it. And it wasn't for porn; it was for the girls that had been around me all the time.
I feel like a animal now - ha! I lost my fire in life because of porn but now it's back and it's INCREDIBLE! I ended up with with another girl on day 104 and ED wasn't an issue at all. I just did my job like all the men on the earth who have lived before me!
Listen guys it's a tough struggle, but keep going. It's worth it in the end. You guys will find that out for yourselves soon enough.
Guy 3: Age 28, l-o-n-g reboot
What you're likely wondering is, "for the love of god does the ED get better or am I torturing myself for no reason?!", I wondered that too. The answer is 'kind of' then 'Yes!' What you're going to experience likely is once you do engage in sex your brain is like "What the hell?" and is not used to actual sex as its primary way of being sexual. That's the "rewiring" process. You also will be re-sensitizing yourself to actual sex. Death-grip masturbating sound familiar? I did it too. Sex is nowhere close to that and that's a good thing because sex after reboot and rewire feels WAY BETTER. Can't even describe it in words.
So there will be a rewiring process where you may sputter and have a few backfires but eventually you fire on all cylinders. Now? Zero ED, I don't even have to think about. In fact I can think to myself "man I hope my erection doesn't go down, wow, it's still not going down and I'm not even focused on sex, wow, yep...still there..........yep".
Guy 4 [230 days]:
I'd been watching porn for so long that it had completely taken over my sexuality. Without it I was essentially asexual. I wanted to deprive myself of orgasm to allow for a "reboot"...I wanted to build up a new sense of sexuality, one centered around real women and completely detached from porn.
It worked! My attraction to real women has magnified to levels it never had reached before. I appreciate the beauty of, and am powerfully attracted to, a much wider range of women than before. What's more, when I think about or yearn for sexual release now, it's real women I'm thinking about, not sitting on a computer and staring at the screen.
Guy 5:
I'll speak from my experience and it might not exactly go in line with the spirit of this subreddit but porn is by far the main issue.
I relapsed to porn after 5 months of NoFap with no SO. First few months were pretty good, it's the time when you actually make a lot of progress compared to your past habits. Last 1-2 months weren't so good. Unfortunately I was a dumbass and instead of focusing on getting a girl I was focusing on staying away from PMO and telling myself that I might not be ready. There's no point in that. I started getting kind of depressed after 3-4 months in my challenge and I actually felt better after the relapse. Young and healthy people need some kind of sexual activity at this point.
What I can say with certainty is that I was mostly driven by porn, not the actual MO. The effect that porn had on me after 5 months was huge, much more than I expected. I don't want to go into details but it was probably comparable with what a drug addict can experience. It had nothing to do with the act of "normal" masturbation.
Anyway, I think for one that MO is ok in moderation. It actually made my libido going again and I didn't feel bad or anything.
Porn on the other hand is a completely different story. It has huge effects on brain and I sure don't want to go trough this again. It also gives you the chaser effect. Fapping doesn't. All I want to do right now is to open a NSFW sub even though masturbation is far from my mind.
The new plan is to go for a new full 90 days cycle again than find a girl asap. Fapping might be a backup option but porn must definitely go away forever. (LINK)
Guy 6 [age 50, so different history]:
I was flatlining at 80 days, and it lasted 3 weeks. I'm not recommending this; but I fapped 3 times to pull myself out of the flatline).
At about day 120 things started really getting better; but by then I'd learned that intercourse with my wife is a small dopamine rush (and doesn't mess up my system as much)... but fapping is a very large dopamine rush (and messes up my system). To the extent that I can not edge, fantasize, rub on things, wash too carefully, etc..... I do better. He was fully recovered at day 160. Here's advice he gave others at Day 146:
- First you get ED.
- Then you do No Fap.
- Then you flat line.
- Then you get impatient and fap to pull yourself out of flat line.
- Then you have semi's, underwhelming sex, and abject failures.
- Then you wander in the wilderness and wonder if you will ever be 'cured.'
- Then you figure out that your reward system gets super-excited about fapping of any kind (even light touch without porn) and kills your chances of a rock-hard erection with a girl for quite a while.... but PIV only ever gets a chance for a rock-hard erection if you do NOTHING... no rubbing, playing, fluffing, fantasizing, testing, jelquing, shower massaging, NOTHING for a time (for me it is 3-5 days.)
- Then you have repeatable success with PIV because you've finally figured it out....
- At first you get off (literally) to a sluggish start because of performance anxiety (and you have not completely rewired to where PIV gets you super excited.)
- Each time gets a little bit better, tho as you gain confidence.
- If you're strong, you continue this way and it just gets better and better. If you have a weak moment and you fap, it sets you way back.
- tl;dr: My advice? Stay the course. It works. Don't deviate. Because your circuits are wired to masturbation each fap sets you WAY back. There is a price to be paid to undo your wrongly-wired circuits. Be patient and stay the course, you'll be fucking like a champ at some point if you work hard to rewire correctly. How long? Nobody knows. How long for me at 50 years old, out of shape, and in a 25 year LTR? Except for a 3 week flatline...Check this out. I've been at it 146 days. From day 7, if I followed the NOTHING advice above I've been able to have sex after 3 years of not. Each time I fuck up it sets me way back. (BTW, my last fap (fuckup) was 17 days ago, but I waited about 10 days and had awesome sex. Waited 7 more days and had awesome sex last night!) YMMV
17 months - so far:
hey man,
I think I'm the longest reboot in history. I started 17 months ago and did the first 5 months no PMO. At the time, I didn't see anyone else who had gone that long so I decided to start having sex and starting a masturbation schedule. I wasn't able to have an erection good enough to penetrate until about 10 months in, and then I had premature ejaculation until now. I'm still slowly recovering and have a long way to go.
I would say go to 9 months no PMO to see if things get better. Then try to have sex/rewire or start masturbating once a month or something.
btw, I still don't have high libido but I have had sex with the same girl 4 times and I'm able to get fully hard for her and maintain is decently. I actually get horny just thinking about having sex with her. The thing is, I am not even that into her since personalities are so different and she is definitely only average looking. Point being, is that I think once your brain rewires to a girl, your libido will go up.
I'm going to keep doing this reboot for another year at least. If you do have a physical problem or can't get erections, there are always other solutions like injections and implants.
Older "Long-rebooter"
1. For me, fantasy was one of the things i had to cut out because I felt like it was slowing me down. Once I eliminated fantasy I noticed my dick was responding to things a lot better. it will make masturbating/edging a lot less exciting too, this way it will be easier not to relapse.
2. Self-reflection leading to life changes is key for some guys. I recently discovered that I grew up in an abusive environment (yes, it is possible to grow up in one and not know it), and that this upbringing has had certain effects on me that need to be treated in a particular way. I talk about that in previous blog posts. Now that I know, I have begun applying the necessary recovery mechanisms. I don't know how or why, but the end result is that for the first time ever, I am beginning to really lose interest in porn.
The last couple of times I saw porn, I ended up thinking, "This is not what I want. What I want is to hold someone." That's right--the thought of porn meant absolutely nothing to me compared to the deep longing I now feel for a real woman to come into my life. I'll admit that I even searched for more shocking and exciting porn, trying to find something "good"--only to realize, for the first time ever, that NO kind of porn could ever be what I really want. So just like that, I quit searching and went about my day. No porn could ever be a real woman.
Nothing like this had ever occurred to me before I specifically took action to recover from the childhood abuse. Somehow, in working to learn and affirm my value and dignity as a human person--which was denied to me as a child--I have come to lose interest in porn while gaining interest in real women. I still have a long way to go, but I'll go out on a limb and say it--I think this is a sign of real actual PROGRESS for me.
Also worth mentioning, another effect of overcoming childhood abuse is that I am starting to acknowledge desires and opinions that I was previously conditioned to ignore. One such desire is to start a business and work from home. So, I am starting a business and working from home! I have tested my business idea with very encouraging results, and even if it doesn't take off, it should supply at least enough income to eat for a while. I never would have tried anything so daring just a few months ago. It's like I'm finally listening to my own heart.
If you are like me, and you've already tried everything--EVERYTHING--web filters, cold showers, long camping trips with no Internet, confiding in friends, red X, the rubber band snap on the wrist, etc.--and you've tried it for years and none of it has worked, then I encourage you to do some heavy-duty self-reflection. Ask yourself what is wrong with your life, what is making you unhappy or uneasy, what gives you anxiety or depression? Then, work your ass off until something improves, and re-evaluate your situation. Rinse, repeat.
3. In my desire to speed up the process of recovery I have done considerable study on and self experimentation with various supplements. My experience is that ALL of the "male enhancement" products such as horny goat weed, tribulus maca, yohimbe etc.are absolutely useless if your mind and body are over stimulated and exhausted. Whether or not they are of any benefit to a normal healthy individual looking for added performance I will leave to others to debate.
My experience with brain enhancers such as citicholine (purported to increase dopamine receptor density) and other such products was the same. Taking the amino precursors to various neurotransmitters such as l-tyrosine or l-phenylalanine to boost dopamine or 5-htp to boost serotonin etc. all netted variations of the same result which was to make me bitchy, agitated or depressed. They gave me 0 positive results.
I now believe that boosting transmitter levels in an already overstimulated and out of balance mind is like throwing more fuel on a fire. For me it often resulted in me self soothing with masturbation.
The one GLOWING exception to the supplements are worthless theme are GABA and Arginine. I started taking Arginine (which is the precursor to nitric oxide a vasodilator) 1000mg 3 times daily (morning, noon, and before bed on an empty stomach) and GABA 1000mg 3 times daily and noticed a wonderful difference within days. GABA acts as a inhibitor in the brain and for me at least seemed to bring about balance in my brain.
Many believe oral GABA cannot cross the blood brain barrier while others believe it can at dosages of 3000mg or more daily and still others believe it finds a back door to the brain through the pituitary gland. I don't pretend to know how it works but for me it made me calm and centered, I sleep better and I started having spontaneous semi erections during my day for the first time since I was a teen.
I have been trying various supplements for years and always take them with an open mind but without expectation. I consider myself as immune to placebo effect as any human can be. For me GABA and Arginine together is powerful medicine. That being said they are no substitute for a reboot! I do however think that for some of you LONG rebooters out there they are worth a shot, especially if like me you have struggled for years with multiple addictions or you are plagued by negative self talk.
Young "Long-rebooter"
Too sum up my previous entries - I have ED thanks to porn, although I am not addicted, but never lost my virginity and the steady state of porn use and masturbation through the years had finally caught up with me, and I only realised it when i found this amazing girl and tried to have sex with her and my penis has been stricken with quite severe ED!
My Goals - Complete use of my penis for sex, and ridding me of ED forever.
- Short term goals - Rewiring to normal touch and women. Regaining morning wood and spontaneous erections 100% firmness. (I believe once i get these back i am ready to have sex and succeed.)
So I abstained very well from porn no problem and had no urge to masturbate for ages, then on the 103 day mark/ 3m2w4days, I tested porn free masturbation, I felt great afterwards! No fantasizing either, just focused on touch. Took long to O, and was semi for quite a lot of it but when I was about to O a few times I got much bigger and firmer. - The reason for this test was, i was getting semi spontaneous erections throughout the previous week, and waking up with semi wood in the night and now and again in the morning, so i thought id give it a shot - plus i read an article i mention below. After the masturbation session, the following week, my lil fella was just as lively, no more, but no less!
Although a week later, I tried again, and was pretty much the same, although after this time, I didn't feel great at all really?! No lively activity throughout that week at all. Quite strange. So Ive left it for roughly two weeks to let it recover and get over the 'stalled' process that i created, and had two wet dreams on the trot a week later-ish, and had quite impressive erections when i woke up, the first night it lasted quite a while, the second died off pretty quick.
From there I went out with that girl a few times from before to help rewire. But i found something interesting out, while on a casual date with another girl, i wasn't interested in at all, when i kissed her at the end, my little boy came alive almost instantly!!! not a full 100% because i wasn't there that long kissing her, but possibly 60/ 70% I would say!
This morning i held it for a second with a couple of very light strokes and it raised up quickly again, but i let it go before it got passed a semi. All these things didn't happen before, the quickness of the rise or the actual occurrence of an erections from interactions or 10 seconds of strokes??!!
What helped me after reading other entries on YBOP site (this FAQ): One case after having a long reboot (4 months) and not seeing spent/morn erections started lightly stroking his penis for no more than a minute in the shower every day, not trying to get an erections but feeling the sensations to re-sensitise his penis/ rewire his brain to normal touch. THIS WORKED FOR ME. The week of lively action was due to a week or so of this before hand of this light re-sensitising technique.
Lastly, I'm starting to do kegels and in the kegel section of that article, Gary points out that it has helped a lot of men regain normal erectile function a lot quicker than those who don't. I really think, at this stage, this will help get the 100% standing to attention erections that I have been striving for. I'll let you know how it goes...
good luck to all, and anyone with bonafide working techniques to rewire and re-sensitize and what helped get morning/spont erections back please comment.
hi gary,
I first started noticing more sluggish erections a little over a year and a half ago after I had stopped hooking up with this girl. I was terrified and would always pull up some porn to reassure myself that I was fine. It never really failed me. I discovered masturbation at the age of 7 and started using porn on and off around age 14. From that young age of 7 I would masturbate every day (mostly) all the way until I was older when it sometimes was multiple times per day. I was a freshman in college when I first started having problems: Winter break was the bad time as I found myself on a one month binge with the need for more and more extreme porn to get hard. I even thought I was gay at one point for viewing tranny and gay porn--which I did with frequency towards the end of break. I had no clue what was wrong with me when I got back to school for the spring semester, no libido, anxiety about my sexuality and a small flaccid penis. I might have stumbled onto this site in my internet search for answers but never read it in depth. For that semester i would go a few weeks with no masturbation then think everything was fine, and test. Always testing.From a strong desire for women mnoths prior i was in a nightmare. Eventually I stopped porn, tried to reboot, and by may I was seeing some marginal results; semi's, morning woods etc. Then I went on another binge for around a month. I was just so puzzled how this problem became so extreme so quickly---the summer going into school I had a raging sex drive.
In august I had read all through this site and decided to start a real reboot FULL no PMO. I went 3 months where I felt literally nothing. I masturbated once and came within seconds with a very lackluster erection. I got head from a girl and also came within seconds with a erection that was questionably strong. Some masturbation was thrown in a few times 4ish over the next mouth and then I had my first sexual encounter. Small tiny penis, but when I was with this girl I managed to get a full erection--despite coming very quickly. I then held off on masturbation for another few weeks but ended up doing it a few times over winter break, about 1 year after this nightmare began.
It is now february (6 MONTHS) and I have no idea what is going on, I feel like I am the longest one has taken to reboot. I'm worried I did something to my body by masturbating too much over the years, there are sites on "sexual exhaustion" with compelling reasons such as depletion of hormones/ neurotransmitters but I know its not medically recognized. I wish I was like the guys on this site who had such quick recoveries but i'm still in this bad dream. I want to have a relationship so badly.
With that said I have seen marginal results:
I do get morning erections from time to time (although rarely totally full) and some spontaneous erections here and there (70%-80%) for a few minutes....however I can never summon an erection by thinking anymore.....zero control and when its not alive all is dead downstairs.
If I am with a girl, touching, dancing, and cuddling I can get hard. Not always sustained but usually very much the real deal.
Two weeks ago I had a girl stay over and I got my first wet dream while snuggled up next to her.
I had another a few nights after.
Why can't I really get it up for masturbation at all but a partner makes it easy---is this normal?
Is it normal for me to take this long---my libido is still almost nonexistent. Usually people are normal by now.
I was a super busy-body in high school with strict parents so I never became intimate with girls like a normal person, probably why I turned to porn.
I feel like I don't want to even want to rush to sex, I have had two girls stay over and the cuddling and touching was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. I am talking with this one girl now who I know wants to have sex with me and I like her immensely. When I'm with her I get aroused, otherwise all is dead. Is it ok to have sex, I feel like every time I masturbate (as weak as my erections are) things go downhill for a few days after.
Quitting porn wasn't hard once I realized what was at stake....now I just need some results....and it doesn't seem like they're coming at all.
I've read through this whole site and don't see my specific case fitting in anywhere.
Is this normal? Will I be ok? What should I do from here?
Thanks a million,
-20 years young, 6 months porn free, and hopeless.
Not exactly what I wanted to hear. However thank you for getting back to me so quickly. I 'll try and make an appt. with urologist to get all of my levels checked. I'm kind-of hoping thats the issue so I can at least get a formal treatment with some actual results. What scares me the most is that "sexual exhaustion" is an actual real thing, and that i've done some kind of irreparable damage that can't be treated. All I find online when I google that term are sites with expensive herbs people are trying to sell me and doom/gloom stories. I swear to god, I'm a really healthy kid and this is quite possibly the most frightening experience, i've ever been through knowing I can't show my affection for a women. Especially being a popular kid on a college campus--with actual girls who fancy me, this is hell.
Despite these issues, I have made some progress. Do you think recovery is even possible/ does my case even belong on this site?
I'm gonna keep trudging on regardless. There is a girl, I have developed a connection with and i'm starting to get feelings of attachment that I haven't had in a while. I can only move forward.
Hi Gary,
I just thought I would update you on my progress. I had sex (abstained from o) with a 75-80% erection many weeks ago after my first post. In addition I frequently wake up with morning woods almost to the point where it is every day now. Some last a while while others are weaker, and often I will be lying in bed (if for a while) with everything being hard for a few minutes then soft then hard again. Almost like a power system coming back online. They usually all disappear upon getting out of bed. The biggest change however is at least once a day I will receive a completely spontaneous erection while sitting down. Some days they are hard as a rock while others they are more of that 70-80% range. Some last longer while others are not as long but the general trend is more activity. I decided to test with masturbation a few days ago just on sensations and it was a mixed response again, I managed to get semi hard towards the weak side but with constant stimulation it was rock hard (I also didn't last long whereas with real sex that wasn't an issue). When I'm with a girl, stimulation is generally not needed. Libido wise, everything is much improved with periods of real horniness a lot of times without an erection etc. (I still use that metaphor of a power system coming back online) Before bed each night I can fantasize about actual partners and get instantly hard maybe because i'm so relaxed before sleep/ no anxiety? Its been 7 months since I started reboot and i know I'm not a normal case, as we discussed, but do things seem to fit the recovery pattern? The trend has been spotty, but positive. Its tough because I never experienced any form of intimacy until just before I started having these issues.
I also still see things all over the internet about over-masturbation and how it causes weak erections low libido and eventually impotence, sexual exhaustion etc, but It was usually only once a day for me (sometimes more or less) albeit I started extremely early and you suggested wiring to be the issue. Are those claims valid? Some guys on this site talked about M/Oing 2-4 times a day for close to 10 years and rebooted just fine.
Perhaps I just have a very sensitive brain.
I am starting things with a new girl now and I am very relaxed around her so I am excited to see what happens. i know when I am with a real partner I tend not to have such glaring issues.
I understand this is a lot, but let me know your thoughts!
Hi "jeff", I've been PMO-free for little more than three months and had a dead libido during this period, it started to come back with extreme force just recently (no erections though).
May I ask you when you got your first morning erections? And are you still only getting less than 100% erections? I haven't experienced any morning erections for years and if I did, it was probably weak/semi. I neither remember when I had a 100% without the use of viagra. I am asking you because I think we have a similar recovery pattern. (You can read my Reboot post on the comments of "Reboot accounts") or http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=51.0
A 20-year old forum member said
Don't expect YEARS of PMOing multiple times a day to be cured in just a couple of months. I had to learn that the hard way. I just think we are to fixated on rebooting accounts of people on YBOP who needed only a short amount of time to reboot.
Honestly, I've been on this no P, with a few instances here and there, for about 190 days, and I am still noticing improvements every day. For one, I don't flatline anymore for two weeks after I MO anymore. If anything I'm back to normal the following day. My moods have just stabilized. I can masturbate to orgasm multiple times in a week and not feel mildly depressed anymore. I just get really weak as if I have a lot of weights on my shoulders.
I also am just naturally all around aggressive and have a superman-like aura all around now. Before, one lil orgasm would send me straight to a more passive-like presence.
I don't even think about tranny porn at all anymore, and I was glued to that shit hard for almost 2 yrs. Even gay porn/gay thoughts are pretty much a thing of the past now. But I'm not homophobic or anything like that; I can tolerate gays.
Can also have strong erections with females, although I can't really keep them for more than a minute, nor can I have sex with condoms. But this is already a blessing, because last year the most I could do was a 50% erection, which couldn't have even been used for penetration. Lots of improvements, and in another 6 months I hope for many more, especially being able to have successful sex with condoms, cuz I already can without.
Forum member's improvements
Day 36 -I'm a virgin and have never wired to women. Sexually, I'm not there yet, but my general moods are getting better. I'm still living with the fear that I may never be aroused by simply having sex with a girl. The one thing that gives me hope is that when I flirt with my cuddle buddy in person and we touch each other make out, I get hard and sometimes precum.
Another forum member - Day 141
I'm on Day 141 of no PM.
I had successful sex last weekend and it was a positive experience. I never really had ED problems, but I did have delayed ejaculation problems, weaker erections, and all of the low confidence/lack of focus stuff. I feel like I still need to rewire (I'm thinking I'm probably going to need a consistent partner) but I feel mostly healed. Sex came very late at night and after a long day of drinking and I noticed that my erection wasn't as hard as I would like it to be. That was understandable, I was still extremely sensitive, my recovery time was good and it was a good experience for both parties. Right now, I feel 85-90% even after close to 5 months.
25-year old guy who focused on girls before porn
After reading many of the articles found in this site for the last month, I started associating my porn-induced ED problem in real life with the stories being told. To give some background, I started masturbation (no porn) at the age of 13. I would remember jerking off with different objects in order get the sensation that it's not me who's doing it.
A few years later, I started watching porn online (no masturbation, didn't wanna risk being caught by my parents!). So I would watch for a while, then head to the bathroom and rub one out. Shortly, I started dating girls (age 15) and forgot all about jerking it (I lost my virginity at that age!). After breaking up with this girl, I started dating many other girls in my teens and hardly ever watched porn. Until, I got serious with a girl at age 20. When with this girl, I would have sex during weekdays, and when she would go to work on Saturdays, I would make best out of my time and watch porn accompanied by a rub... For the sake of "orgasm" to "another girl".
As time went by, I started noticing less attraction to my girl (ex) and would start looking forward to those blessed Saturdays, where I would in fact masturbate 3-4 times that day. By the time my ex-girl would come back, I would look for excuses not to have sex at night (this did not happen in my teen years... Back when I would hump 24/7). I started thinking I didn't like the girl anymore, as I didn't feel attracted to her, so I very cold bloodedly decided to break up with her. During the time of my break up (Age 23), I met a girl at my job that blew my mind away!
So, started dating her. Everything was fine, but noticed I wouldn't get hard when making out with her. At that point, I thought, "It must be my age... It takes more to turn on a grown dude as myself" (wrong!). Anyways, when the time came to have sex, my penis was as dead as it can be. I felt enormously ashamed and didn't know what excuse to give her! I didn't understand, since I found her very attractive! Then I started thinking I had first-approach anxiety (which I also found weird since I never really had problems getting hard when about to have sex...).
During this time, and after breaking up with my ex, I would masturbate to porn like never before. This new girl, apparently, liked me too much and wouldn't let me go despite of my problem (we tried several times to which I wouldn't be able to get hard). So what did I do?
Yep... Went back home and jerked it to a porn to see if I would get hard... And would! So though, "maybe I don't have ED, it may be that I'm not attracted to her or I might possibly be... Gay? Na, it couldn't be!"
This brings me to my next point... I would watch porn and masturbate to it so much that I started choosing videos by categories since the one I would watch the day before would no longer satisfy my needs. It got to the point where I would start watching gay porn and have an orgasm to it, to which shorty after I would feel totally disgusted. Never have I had gay sex nor has any man ever caught my eye. I was (am) totally sure I wasn't gay. But when it came to jerking it to porn, at a time gay porn would really arouse me. It came to the point where I didn't know what else to do with myself since:
1) I couldn't have sex with the girl i really liked (I even told her she can bail and look for someone else! To which she would respond, "NO! I like you too much... I'm sure you will get over this some day soon.") but still, she found it weird.
2) I started liking gay porn?!
3) I'm a bit of a health freak... I exercise daily (weight lifting/martial arts), eat very healthy (no sugars, fat, salt, starch) and drink lots of water a day. Anyone with that diet would imagine a total tiger in bed! Well... not me!
I hit rock bottom and started researching online and found this site. As I said before, I started reading the articles here and I shared the same problems and symptoms as the rest!
Almost 2 weeks ago, I started the reboot phase and amazingly, after 1 week and 2 days, I saw this girl and got hard as a rock during a very long time (we had sex that night like never before!). My sex drive was very high, my libido was alive again! The next morning, we had sex again and it was as satisfying as the night before.
Now, 2 days ago, I started waking up with morning wood (not 100% hard, but still hard, unlike before!). This surprises me, because I'm having the symptoms that most people would start having after a month into the reboot process?! I haven't relapsed (although I often feel the need of watching porn. I immediately think of something else and done.).
Is the fact that I eat very healthy and the testosterone stays in the food I eat (lots of green veggies, nuts, almonds, meat, chicken) helping me heal? Or the possibility that I stay fit! Or even maybe the fact that I started heavily watching porn after my teen years!? Who knows? But what I do now, is that I think this site had saved my sex life! Thank you so much, yourbrainonporn.com staff! I will keep posting updates for those who share a similar lifestyle as mine!
Gary's comments:
Your post reveals why you are bouncing back so fast:
I started dating many other girls in my teens and hardly ever watched porn.
Nearly every guy your age with porn-induced ED started masturbation and porn about the same time, and consistently used porn until they hit the ED wall.
You -
- Didn't use much porn during your teens
- Masturbated a lot with your imagination during your formative years...instead of porn
- Had early sexual relations and contact with females...instead of porn
- Started heavy porn use after your brain was largely developed.
In essence, you are like the "older guys" who did not use porn (or it was Playboy) during the years their brains where furiously rewiring. As we have stated over and over, older guys recover faster and easier than the guys who started on high speed porn, and consistently watched it during their teens.. See this article:
Why Shouldn't Johnny Watch Porn If He Likes? Sexual brain training matters—especially during adolescence
Complete Reversal.
Hi Gary,
Just thought I'd update you as I have been perhaps one of the longest cases on this site which was troubling for me as I recovered, and hopefully can serve as some inspiration for those frustrated with lack of results. First off: getting a consistent partner was what did it for me. Before that frustration was all I saw. Starting at month 7 after reboot I had someone to flirt with, sleep with, cuddle with, and kiss gently before moving to sex. This slowly got me going again. At first I could only get hard for short periods of a time and had to "rush" for penetration, but after each time my erections got stronger. Also high levels of PE have subsided as time has worn on--practice makes perfect. I now get hard just by gently kissing my lover and have zero issues with erection quality. I have zero desire to masturbate and am sure libido will continue to improve, as well as my orgasms which were nothing of note at at start (but have slowly gotten better). I had sex three times in one night with zero difficulty so I cannot believe how far I have come since embarking on this journey. Get a real partner, take the time to get to connect with someone (not just sexually), and it is an experience too powerful to describe. With everything taking so long for me, I can only imagine the changes a year from now. 9 months later and I am a changed man. I certainly felt obliged to share this final update for all those struggling out there and hope no one ever has to go through what I did. I probably won't be back on here for a while, and so for all that you have done to further this message Gary, you have my highest thanks.
so ..
I need to know this please , what if someone finished 95 days on no pmo , most recovery symptoms aappeared , craving for real girls & erections are there ... but in addition for that , he can still ( sometimes ) get a boner for porn flashbacks or porn thouhgts ... does this consider normal ? isn't he supposed to get erected ONLY on the real thing to be considered normal ?
I'm in the 95th day of no pmo but the last 10 days I've experienced some porn cravings again beside cravings for real girls ... so I wonder ...?
I can't thank you enough for this site !
No mention of focusing on foreskin sensation?
"A lot of guys here have said they don't feel their penis and I get that. I think we stuff our genitals in our underwear and kind of ignore them until we "need" them to urinate or for sex. I've heard women say they've done some "breast focus" and gotten some amazing results. So in the last few days I've started meditating around feeling my penis. Being aware of it. Feeling it, including the tip, shaft and what's underneath, the root, and the testicles." - NO MENTION OF THE FORESKING, the RIDGED BAND, the FRENULUM that is not there if he is circumcised. Sheesh.
I think I have the longest reboot that I have ever read about. I started but then would have sex maybe once a month. I felt absolutely horrible afterwards and I think it completely reset my progress. This went on for one year and after that I decided to completely cut off contact with the girl I was dating. I did absolutely nothing sexual for the next 6 months. After this I kissed a girl and felt pretty good. I got a girlfriend a couple of months later and started having sex. It was very weak at first with nonexistent erections and orgasms that were not pleasureable. I have had sex maybe 75 time and still feel pretty bad for a few weeks after sex. I get sex hangovers, but I am seeing some progress.
90% of the time I feel withdrawal symptoms and I have spent most of my life watching tv or using the computer. I have quit tv/computer for periods of time when travelling but still feel horrible. The only thing I can think of is that my brain was damaged somewhere during gestation or childhood. I have read research such as this:
I asked my mom and she said she ate little to no fish during pregnancy. I think that this permanently compromised the neural plasticity of my brain. I have basically not been able to function at all since I started this. I am miserable most of the time. It is amazing to me what a great disservice the previous generation did to mine by outsourcing the food production to restaurants and by removing the traditional sexual mores.
Just to clarify it has been
Just to clarify it has been about 2.5 years so far.
I am 27 now, and started on
I am 27 now, and started on porn when I was about 12 or so. The only time I have had trouble with erections was during certain points after I stopped PM. When I was 18 I was able to go for several solid months with no PMO and I started having sex when I was 19, with no erectile difficulties. When I came upon this website and recognized the symptoms(social awkwardness, lack of motivation, etc etc) I immediately stopped PM completely and never delved into it again. Before I started to reboot I was not doing very well either. I suffered from very low motivation to do anything and very poor social skills. I had a GF when I started the reboot but I tried to refrain from sex as much as I could.
I dont think it is POIS, the symptoms go on for weeks after orgasm and it is like riding a rollercoaster, not a period of just feeling unmotivated. Once I stopped porn, I had no compulsion whatsoever to look at it again. There was never any temptation until much much later on. I started rebooting and went for months without any sex at first, probably over 70 days. As this point I did have sex and I think it completely reset my reboot, although the sex was infrequent(less than once a month). I wasn't making progress so I stopped seeing my GF and did not PMO or even look at a picture of a girl for 6 months. After this I tried kissing a girl and felt euphoric starting approximately 35 hours after kissing her for a period of several days. At this point I tried M and sex several months later. These seemed to have a positive effect, but both of them are following by a rollercoaster of mood which oscillates between feeling very social and feeling near suicidal. The period of oscillating mood lasts for about 30 days as of the last time I checked, after which I feel consistently libidinous, motivated and social.
I have identified two factors in the literature which may contribute to the length of this process and the severity of the symptoms. The first is n-3 fatty acid deprivation during gestation, childhood and adolescence. My mom ate little to no fish before and during pregnany and rarely cooked fish when I was growing up. The second was exposure to a series of SSRI medications during the adolescent period(approx 12-19). The title of the paper I read was "Antidepressants and Adolescent Brain Development" by Karanges and McGregor. It is unbelievable to me that they hand out these ssris like candy when the mechanism and the long term effects are not fully understood.
I saw doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists several years ago. Their recommendation was to try a new antidepressant. Not once was I told to eat lots of fish, even though some of the research I have read predates my visit to these guys by years or decades. The study on rats that were fed a n-3 fatty acid deficient diet does not say if this deficiency is reversible or if the effect on the brain is permanent. My guess would be that it is irreversible because neurons don't undergo mitosis. What do you think?