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Calling all Ex-catholics!
Calling all Ex-catholics!
I want to hear some of your stories, about how you turned to Atheism and how it went with family and friends, and how you feel about your choices today!!
I personally love rediculing the priest at my school's friday mass services i find it liberating!!
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RE: Calling all Ex-catholics!
(12-06-2013 10:12 PM)Bjorn Wrote: I want to hear some of your stories, about how you turned to Atheism and how it went with family and friends, and how you feel about your choices today!!
Well, like all good Catholic boys(at least not the ones taken by the priests) I simply followed like the rest of the herd and didn't question it. In my mind it truly was similar to Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. Hell, I didn't really believe a man died and came back. I only believed that in the video games I was playing. To me it was normal and it wasn't until I went to Sunday school I started having issues.
Eventually I was forced to read the bible again which was unfortunate for them and which I did before but none of the information really sunk in. I started loving science from this tine as well wondering how the world worked. From our bodies to our minds. I was fascinated at all this knowledge and literally soaked it in like a sponge. History also had a place in my mind and it was like my bible. I thought it was the best story ever in existence with multiple writers being those that influenced history.
Then, 9/11 happened. I was shocked. We were in our classroom my teacher had a small television where our entire class watched it speechless. I felt sick and horrible and unfortunately for a small girl. She asked the teacher if she shouldn't pass cupcakes for her birthday that day. I was amazed.
The world I created in my head was this one of peace and searching for better things for all mankind while having this Jesus person say it was all alright but in my mind that tragedy broke it for me. I couldn't understand how God could just watch as this happened or could wrap it around my head with why people did so.
Then I realized God was the excuse and hatred for us was the reason. It uprooted those beliefs and made them not exist. I started to try and figure out why it happened and it wasn't until I suffered from depression and God didn't help me no matter how much I prayed that he does not answer. I didn't think the term atheist existed but I knew he wasn't there. He didn't answer anybody there was just lucky people. People claimed it was a miracle when a baby survived when forty people died of an explosion. I called that a tragedy that many people died and only one survived. I began to question and think and my religious people never gave me gratifying answers.
I eventually asked why do we believe in him and think he is good when he doesn't do anything for us. They replied ti me that he does but this was also part of a time when my aunt, uncle and five year old cousin were murdered because their neighbors thought they were witches and did it for God. It blew my mind.(This was in Mexico where superstition is still large) I just couldn't understand why God could be such an excuse for evil things. Eventually I started to encounter people who simply believed because they wanted to. As I continued to read the bible so I could pass I started to realize that it wasn't based on facts or evidence and I didn't understand why we thought it was real. I met other faiths like Hindu's and Muslims and my thought was we all believes in the same God but we just do different things to please it and we will all go to heaven. Eventually as I experienced more things I still held the belief of God but he kept getting smaller. Science explained this and explained that. God was just there and then I realized God was in conflict with science and I was more confused then ever since I thought God uses science to make the world great instead he did it in six days and just made things up when he went along. To me that finally broke the Catholic deity for me. I just couldn't think it was anything more than an adults Santa Claus and I seriously thought they were going to tell me it was fake and it was just a feel good story but it never came.
I didn't became an atheist and still wanted to believe in a God where I even made my own up but realized as I kept looking more and more into religion to look for answers it only got more fragmented and disorganized as it went along. It just eventually tired me out and got me thinking.
It wasn't for a while until I realized you can believe in no God. I was surprised such a stance existed. So instead I decided to see if that was valid or if I could agree and I did. I realized I was an atheist but I didn't accept it at first and tried to justify God but I couldn't anymore. So I made a deal to myself. Just look into the evidence until something finally persuades you to the right God. At least now you take no sides and you can find the truth. I have never found that truth till this day and I look constantly to find it. I have no problem in believing in a God. Absolutely none but I would want to believe in the one that does exist. Currently, none come remotely close. So I stand here now as a former Catholic. I talk sometimes with my old priests and have at least made it more progressive on its thoughts on Gay marriage. Abortion is much harder but the priest even agrees at least on my former front. I haven't come out to my parents about my Atheism but my farther definitely knows I enjoy science and might at least be skeptical but I am glad he didn't force it upon me. I saw kids much younger then me go through confirmation and not understand anything. I at least learned while I was there. I confirmed myself for my parents but will renounce it when I become older. I feel no need to tell many people besides those who interfere in others personal lives.
Sorry about the ramblings. I probably have left a wall of text since I used my phone but I never shared my frustrations and theists might say you were angry with God because of your losses and that God isn't a vending machine for people. I understand those arguments but when the deity you are taught to adore is supposedly all good. I can't imagine what kind of wicked thing could allow so much wrong in this world and I know humans are sometimes the cause of the horror but when you do it in the name of God and he does nothing. Then it seems to me God agrees with that plan. Despite how many people it might harm.
Sorry for any misspelings. I am just exhausted but can't sleep. I apoligize if I am in a grumpy mood.
"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." -John F Kennedy
"The way to see by Faith is to shut the eye of Reason." -Benjamin Franklin
It has been a long time. How have you been?
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13-06-2013, 06:59 AM (This post was last modified: 13-06-2013 07:38 AM by Enlightened Romantic.)
RE: Calling all Ex-catholics!
While I came from a Catholic family, I'm not sure if I'm ex-Catholic.
I'm pretty sure, if they ever find a certain gene that predisposes one to religion, I won't have it. I remember sitting in church very young (actually, going to church is my first memory) and thinking the equivalent of "How can people believe this?" However, I went along with it, as I do to this day, because my family is VERY devout (except for 2 of my uncles which we ostracize, but I talk to in private) and professing unbelief would be familial suicide.
Over the course of my senior year and high school and this past year as a freshman in college I have read probably 100 books on this and related subjects (history of church, philosophy, science - cosmology and evolution, etc.). I am an agnostic atheist and as active as I can possibly be without my parents catching wind.
My mother was a Sunday school teacher up through my confirmation (for which I picked the name "Christopher" in honor of Christopher Hitchens ). She's a more embracing Catholic, who doesn't really care or pay attention to science, but believes in evolution and largely prescribes to the watchmaker argument, but wouldn't know what that is if you brought it up. She holds a lens to the church, accepting the pope and all of his teachings (anti-gay, pro life, anti-birth control [she actually says that she god cancer because God punished her for using birth control]) but pisses away things like the criminal sex scandal as either lies or a few fringe priests.
My father, however, is the Catholic equivalent of a "born again". He came to the church after being non-religious for a long time because of my mom's disease (she's fine now, btw), and now is ultra-conservative - anti-evolution, anti-global warming (which, he says when we argue, he has theological, not scientific, objections to ) etc. He is a total sheep, claims science is a global conspiracy of liberals, and nearly disowned me for writing a 16 page detailed research report against the boy scouts' ban of gays (I'm an eagle scout).
I say this to explain that I could never come out and expect acceptance. Moreover, if they knew that I got into a secular humanist organization at school (I go to WVU and am in the Freethinking, Inquiring, Secular Humanists [FISH - our ex-president is speaking at the SSA conference this year ]) my younger sister would probably face consequences when she is choosing a school - especially because she wants to go for writing and, thus, is looking at more liberal universities.
I am writing this mostly to express that the Catholic Church is not just a bunch of looneys, but actually hurts a lot of people too - and this number isn't only measurable by the DEATHS it causes in supporting witch-hunting, anti-condom, and anti-rights groups. The Catholic Church is EVIL; I am absolutely convinced. It is just as, if not more evil than the Westboro Baptists, the FLDS church, and the Manson Family.
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13-06-2013, 07:25 AM (This post was last modified: 13-06-2013 02:30 PM by Anjele.)
RE: Calling all Ex-catholics!
Ex-Catholic here.
Was 'raised' Catholic 'cause that's what you do'. Dad and generations back were Catholic. Was put through all the paces, even Catholic schools from 6th grade on. Really didn't discuss religion at all with either parent. Was just herded along through the steps...baptism, communion, confirmation....blah, blah.
The Bible didn't ever really seem to be all that important and I don't remember any reading directed study in it. I never really believed it though I thought I was supposed to. Was actually surprised in late years to learn that there are people that buy into it totally...I was shocked.
The whole thing was full of hypocrisy and it felt like a bunch of robots just plodding along with all the ceremony and supposed rules.
Pretty much crap.
See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. -JF
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RE: Calling all Ex-catholics!
I'm a little late to the party, but...
I was raised Catholic...baptism, mass every week, mass every holiday/holy day, Sunday school, communion, confirmation, the works. I started questioning it all in 1st Grade, but my mother tried to smooth things over and squelch my protests. My father was a non-practicing Methodist and I thought that sounded pretty sweet, but he left it up to my mother...so she rammed religion down our throats and said that as long as we lived under her roof, we had to be practicing Catholics. Then I turned 18 and my father said if I didn't want to go to church anymore, I didn't have to...best Dad ever!
I called myself an agnostic for many years. I still went to church on Christmas Eve with all my cousins, though we'd just load up on sugar and caffeine (and alcohol when were old enough). I still pretended to go to Church when my grandparents asked...it was just easier not to upset them and cause a fight.
As the years passed I became more and more anti-religion, especially when religion impacted legislation and public schools (two sore spots for me). I also became more and more outspoken about it. Even though I' had been calling myself an agnostic, I was clearly an atheist and after a while when friends and family would ask me, I didn't see a point in sugarcoating it for them anymore, especially after my grandparents passed away.
Although I don't usually post/share many atheist things on my Facebook page, I do "like" a lot of things on other pages and friends/family notice it. Occasionally someone will say something to my mother siblings, usually "She really hates religion, huh?" or "Why does she have to like atheist stuff?". My sister has recently become more of a deist/agnostic. And my brother, while he also leans towards deist/agnostic, he has to pretend to be a believer because of his wife. And ironically...my mother, who tried to cram religion down our throats for 18 years, has also become a deist/agnostic over the last few years.
I have no regrets about becoming an atheist.
‹« In Science I Trust »›
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RE: Calling all Ex-catholics!
Technically I'm still catholic since I've not been excommunicated. I didn't mind being catholic with the zombie stuff (eating flesh and drinking blood) the calisthenics (standing, sitting kneeling) the rituals...
The ritual repeating rote responses.
Being catholic was kinda fun. I miss Bingo.
I miss the fun stuff and not the trappings and belief and all that crap.
But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces
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RE: Calling all Ex-catholics!
You can find mine here.
Occasional TTA returner then leaverer.
RE: Calling all Ex-catholics!
Never was much of a believer, but since everybody was telling me about Jesus, he must be real, right? Well, wrong, stupid! After I learned the basic things like some of those that we can find in Zeitgeist, that there is no historical evidence for any Jesus guy, that everything was changed in the Bible how one person needed it... It was very easy to realize that they have all been lying to me, my whole life.
It was after I finished my high-school. It wasn't a real deconversion, because I was never a big believer in the first place. It was always more a tradition, than belief for me. Something that is normal, because everyone does it.
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
-Hunter S. Thompson
RE: Calling all Ex-catholics!
(16-07-2013 10:52 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote: Technically I'm still catholic since I've not been excommunicated. I didn't mind being catholic with the zombie stuff (eating flesh and drinking blood) the calisthenics (standing, sitting kneeling) the rituals...
You can still go to Bingo.
Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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Product Highlights
The gold HBS-9000 from LG is a premium wireless Bluetooth stereo headset designed for the discerning music listener. The earbuds offer a simple solution to cord management which extend for a personalized fit and retract for easy and convenient storage. The rugged, yet lightweight design is contoured for around-the-neck wearing.
The Harmon Kardon Signature Sound technology offers robust bass and crisp treble with less distortion on high frequencies, while the on-board EQ offers either a bass or treble boost. Additional features include vibrate call alerts, microphone mute, auto-reconnect, advanced multi-point, and battery status alert. The battery offers up to 17 hours of talk, 550 hours of standby, and 14 hours of music play time. The HBS-900 ships with a micro-USB charging cable and two sets of ear gels.
|Bluetooth Version
|Supported Bluetooth Profiles
Headset (HSP)
Hands-Free (HFP)
Advanced Audio Distribution (A2DP)
Audio/Video Remote Control (AVRCP)
|aptX compatible (required on source device)
Vibrate On/Off: Yes
Call Alert: Yes
|Mute Function
|Call Functions
Auto Reconnect: Yes
Advanced Multi-Point: Yes
Battery: 3.7 V, 220 mAh Li-Polymer
Battery Status Alert: Yes
Talk Time: Up to 17 hours
Standby Time: Up to 550 hours
Music Play Time: Up to 14 hours
Charging Time: < 2 hours
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|Temperature (Operating)
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|6.1 x 7.0 x 0.6" / 15.5 x 17.8 x 1.5 cm
|1.9 oz / 54.0 g
|Packaging Info
|Package Weight
|0.75 lb
|Box Dimensions (LxWxH)
|8.7 x 7.5 x 1.7"

subset: commoncrawl


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...Could you all please leave some comments? These don't write themselves you know!
Laterz x
Thursday, 28 May 2009
This is not a blog but...
Posted by lucy in the sky with zirconia at 00:07
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In which i will delight you with tales from the road, indulging in drunken shenanigans, debauched misfits and outcasts, long days and longer nights, splitter vans and tour buses, service stations and starving stomachs, hotels and random floors, bands and crew and the music they live for all from the comfort of my makeshift band merchandise stand.


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The Grain and Grain Processing Information Site
Accurate information compiled in an objective manner is vital to keep the world's grain markets informed. Governments and everyone involved in trading and processing grain around the world look to the International Grains Council (IGC) to provide that information. It's a role which has expanded further since Etsuo Kitahara became the IGC's executive director just over three years ago.
In an interview with World Grain at his office in London, England, Mr. Kitahara stressed that the IGC remains committed to its role as a provider of information. "Our core function is to monitor and analyze the grain and oilseeds markets and provide market information to our members and stakeholders, in a timely manner, from a neutral point of view as an intergovernmental organization" he said. "Another important function is to provide forums for discussion of members' concerns."
As well as the IGC's successful annual conference, which attracts members and industry representatives and achieved a record turnout of over 400 last year, there are also Market Conditions Committee meetings in March and early October and Council Sessions in June and December.
Mr. Kitahara believes the volatility which has affected the grain markets in recent years makes accurate information more necessary than ever. "Any supply concerns in the major exporting countries could trigger turbulence. That's what we need to watch carefully," he said.
The IGC's role is providing its members and stakeholders with the information they need to assess the situation. "It needs to be noted that the IGC is not an organization intended to enforce rules or disciplines governing grains trade," he said. "The tools with which the IGC can contribute to world food security are to provide updated market information as well as a forum where policy makers can get together to assess the global situation and outlook."
The big change in the IGC's role has been the formal recognition of rice and oilseeds. "It took more than one and a half years after I proposed to include rice as a grain in the Convention and for the Council to place oilseeds within its information activities," he said.
The change has meant much wider coverage. "Members recognized that grains and oilseeds should be addressed in their totality," he said.
Rice has changed the geographical focus of IGC and also forced it to look at a market which works in a different way to the international wheat market, for example. Rice markets are highly segmented, ranging from Indica to Japonica types.
"Rice is also a regional crop," Mr. Kitahara said. "Asia accounts for 90% of global production. "In many countries rice trade is still governed by governments, not private traders" he said. The expansion in oilseeds coverage means that the IGC will be able to provide better information on biofuels. "It will enable the Secretariat to provide more information on biodiesel as well as bioethanol so that there is total information on biofuels," he said. "The surge in the use of grain for ethanol has been remarkable."
However, it had not caused as much disruption as some had feared. "There were some concerns from importing members about export availabilites of maize (corn) from the U.S.," he said. "What we observed was the power of the market. The market mechanism has functioned well by substantially increasing production to offset the growing use of maize for ethanol."
There is more information now from the IGC on genetically modified crops.
The IGC won't take sides on whether GM crops should be sold more freely. "The issue is about public acceptance," he said. "It is consumers who will decide what to buy and what to eat."
As well as expanding its coverage in terms of commodities, the IGC also provides information about trade measures and related national policies. He pointed out that the countries which have restricted exports were not breaking any rules. "In the end, there are no disciplines against export restrictions in the WTO," he said. "When there are shortages, you can't expect them to export." At the same time, importers are understandably concerned about the reliability of supplies."
Although government measures taken had an impact on markets, he advised against being too concerned about their effects. "News of some countries' introduction of export restrictions could stoke up movements in markets, but when we check actual exports sometimes there's not much of an effect," he said.
Providing more information has meant much more work for the IGC's small secretariat. "The IGC has 17 members on staff," he said. "Over the past decade we've expanded the coverage of commodities from 8 to 15."
The seven new commodities are rice plus the six products covered under the heading of oilseeds: soybeans, soy meal, soy oil, rapeseed/canola, sunflowerseed and palm oil. The extra work means there isn't likely to be any further expansion of the IGC's coverage.
The IGC's executive director aims to increase the number of members, bringing in some countries which are playing an increasing role in the world grain market, but which have, so far, remained outside the IGC structure.
"We are working on potential new members," he said. IGC membership is complicated by the need to get all the right departments in a government involved. "The membership issue can involve several ministries: foreign affairs, trade and, of course, agriculture," he said. "We have just one office in London, so it's not easy."
The IGC is involving non-member countries, for example, by receiving observers at its Council meetings and at the IGC conference. For instance, Brazil, China and Indonesia have all recently attended. "It enables us to expand our networking" he said. "We will have several speakers from non-member countries at the next conference."
A further expansion of the IGC's role has been to take a look at the longer term, with new five-year projections of supply and demand for maize, wheat and barley. "We have previously focused on forecasting for the next year until very recently," he said. "It's not the easiest thing to provide five-year projections, but we want to give a sense of direction in terms of supply and demand for grains."
Other changes are on the way. Members of the Food Aid Committee have realized that the Food Aid Convention needs to be rewritten. "There's a growing recognition among donors that it's necessary for them to formulate a new convention, focusing even more on the needs of the recipients," he said. But they have to wait until a new WTO agreement has been reached, because it set the framework under which food aid takes place. "Members have started to discuss informally what the objectives of a possible new convention should be," he said. "They cannot move this process forward until the outcome of the WTO is known."
"Meanwhile, members of the Food Aid Committee are identifying areas where it can improve actual food aid operations," he said. "They're trying to improve the effectiveness of these operations."
For more information about IGC, visit www.igc.org.uk.
Chris Lyddon is World Grain's European editor. He may be contacted at:
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1Numerous factors contribute to wild swings in U.S. wheat futures
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As a fan of a team in the American League East that isn't the New York Yankees it pains me to admit that there's something mythical about the most winning team in baseball history. Whether we grow up to be lovers or haters of the Bronx Bombers it's seemingly impossible to escape the more fantastical elements of the franchise.
We've all heard the stories and seen the footage. From Babe Ruth to Derek Jeter, the history of the storied organization has more in common with a fantasy novel than a typical sports team. This isn't more evident in anything other than the speed with which the newest incarnation of Yankee Stadium has gone from a regular baseball diamond to a place of legend— a place of legend with 16 elevators, one washroom for every 60 fans and a cup holder for every seat in the general seating bowl.
Dustin Parkes is the editor of The Score's baseball blog, Getting Blanked. He's very much in debt to Miranda McGuire for the illustration.


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2013-1 Previous Version
View the current policy proposal text.
The following version was archived on 26 March 2013
Draft Policy ARIN-2013-1
Section 8.4 Transfer Enhancement
Date: 31 January 2013
Policy statement:
Modify the following text in Section 8.4
Change all occurrences of "IPv4 number resources" to "IPv4 number resources and ASNs".
Change all occurrences of "IPv4 address resources" to "IPv4 number resources and ASNs".
We already allow transfer of ASNs within the ARIN region. The change
will accomplish two things. First there is inconsistent language in 8.4 eg "IPv4 Address" v. "IPv4 Number Resource(s)" and second, it will
allow the transfer of ASNs between RIRs through 8.4 and using the standards we have already established for IPv4 transfers. For many of the same reasons that we allow transfer of IP addresses, we should allow transfers of ASNs and to help insure that idle resources are both recovered and utilized efficiently and where needed.


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This free online conversion calculator will reduce fractions into simplest form and then convert the simplified fraction into a decimal number, and then into a percentage.
Plus, unlike other online conversion calculators, this calculator will show its work -- including the steps it took to reduce the fractions, as well as the long division you would use for converting fractions into percentages manually.
If you are looking for a free online calculator for converting decimals into fractions, please visit the convert decimals to fractions calculator.
Also, be sure to check out my other online fraction calculators for addition & subtraction, multiplication, division, and comparison.
The steps for converting fractions to percentages vary depending on whether you are using a hand-held calculator or you are doing the conversion manually.
If you are using a hand-held calculator, you simply divide the top number of the fraction by the bottom number of the fraction to get the decimal equivalent, and then multiply that result by 100.
For example, if you wish to convert 9/12 into a percentage, you would plug 9 ÷ 12 into the calculator, which would give the quotient 0.75. If you then multiply 0.75 by 100, the result would be equal to 75%.
On the other hand, if you are doing the conversion manually on a piece of paper or on a worksheet, you can save time by first reducing the fraction into simplest form.
Using the fraction used in the previous example, the first step would be to reduce 9/12 to simplest form, like this:
|9 ÷ 3
|12 ÷ 3
Once you have reduced the fraction, the next step is to convert the fraction to a decimal using long division, like this:
|4 goes into 3 0 times -->
|Add zero -->
|4 goes into 30 7 times -->
|30 minus 28 equal 2 & add zero -->
|4 goes into 20 5 times evenly -->
|Remainder is zero, so you are done -->
So after simplifying 9/12 to 3/4, and then using long division on the simplified fraction, we can see that the fraction 9/12 converts to 75%.
With that, let's use the Fraction to Percent Calculator for simplifying and converting fractions to percentages.
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Greatest Common Factor (GCF): The largest number that will go into two or more different numbers evenly. Finding the GCF is most often used for simplifying fractions. For example, to reduce the fraction 1000/20000 into simplest form, you would divide the top and bottom of the fraction by their greatest common factor, which is 1000 (1000 goes into both 1000 and 20000 evenly). The result would be 1/20 -- which is much easier to work with than 1000/2000.
Numerator: Enter the top number of the fraction to be converted into a percentage.
Denominator: Enter the bottom number of the fraction to be converted into a percentage.
Fraction in simplest form: This is the entered fraction after reducing the fraction into simplest form. Note that the fraction to percent calculator will show how it simplified the fraction in a space below these result fields. If the numerator and denominator have no common factors other than 1, this field will simply display your original entry.
Decimal equivalent of reduced fraction: This is the decimal equivalent of the entered fraction after it was reduced into simplest form. The fraction to decimal calculator will display the long division you would use if you were to use the manual method of converting fractions into percentages. Note that if the result is a long decimal number and/or has repeating elements, the result can only be considered to be a close estimation.
Percentage: This is the percentage equivalent to decimal given in the previous field. The fraction to percent calculator arrives at this result by multiplying the decimal equivalent by 100 -- which is the same as moving the decimal point 2 places to the right. Note that the percentage result is rounded to two decimal points.
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|Digital Photo Software
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Publisher's Description
From MotionOne.co:
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Handmade Miniature of felt houses. Home decor original and unique.
Miniature of ten lovely cottages in white with green roofs. Each it has a small twine for hanging. Made of felt, treated to get some rigidity.
The measures range from 6-8" (15-20 cm) with twine and 2,5" (7 cm) small house, approximate measurements.


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Hi. This is the first time that I've ever posted to any forum. I've read through this one several times, that's why I chose this one.....
I'm 23 years old and I've been addicted to pain pills for about 4 years now. It started when I had my wisdom teeth cut out. My stepdad has fibro and he takes percocet for break through pain and for years, he would just hand me pills. Whenever I thought I was finished with pain pills, I would get around them again and start abusing them. Last year I was able to quit taking them on my own because I became pregnant. My unborn child's health was more important to me. My son was born in March via c-section. After my c-section I was prescribed pain pills, so it started all over. Unfortunately since my son has been born I've been having non-stop lower abdominal pain. The doctors don't know whats going on, so on Aug. 23rd I'm having a laporoscopy done so they can figure out whats going on.
Ok, my problem is that since I've been having this lower abdominal pain, I've been taking pain pills. My tolerance level has gone sky high. I do need them to control my pain, but I'm taking WAY too much. And I can't stop. When I wake up in the morning its the first thing I think about and it's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I'm so scared that I'm going to end up accidentally overdosing, but being scared isn't enough to make me just stop.
I don't know what to do. Like I said, I need them to help manage my pain, but I'm also addicted to them. Do I try to wean myself down some and then wait until after my surgery to get serious help? My aunt and mother know what's going on. They are there for me to talk to, but I feel that they don't really know how I feel. I'm killing myself and I need to stop taking them. I feel so lost. I'm sorry this is so long, its just hard for me to find the right words to express myself.


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This section contains 890 words
(approx. 3 pages at 400 words per page)
Chapter 10 – The Message
The Warden questioned Paige about where she'd been. Whenever the siren sounds, she was to return immediately. If she didn't obey, he wouldn't allow her to leave her room. Their training would start the next day. If she didn't pass her tests, she'd become a performer. The amaurotics cleared the upper floor for her. He reminded her that they could not touch except in training. In other words, if he was bleeding to death, she couldn't help him.
Paige's accommodations upstairs were not as luscious as those in the guest bedroom. In fact, it was more like a jail cell, but at least she had privacy. She thought back to when her and her father got permission to leave London on a business trip in the south. She was only nine-years-old. They stayed with...
(read more from the Chapter 10 Summary)
This section contains 890 words
(approx. 3 pages at 400 words per page)


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Fallout 3 Screens From New DLC
Here are 3 screens from the downloadable content for Fallout 3 known as Operation Anchorage.
Here is what you need to know about the upcoming downloadable content:
• Operation: Anchorage. Enter a military simulation and fight in one of the greatest battles of the Fallout universe – the liberation of Anchorage, Alaska from its Chinese Communist invaders. An action-packed battle scheduled for release in January.
• The Pitt. Journey to the industrial raider town called The Pitt, located in the remains of Pittsburgh. Choose your side. Scheduled for release in February.
• Broken Steel. Join the ranks of the Brotherhood of Steel and rid the Capital Wasteland of the Enclave remnants once and for all. Continues the adventure past the main quest. Scheduled for release in March.


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DROP TABLE and stalls: Lazy Drop Table in Percona Server and the new fixes in MySQL
Suppose you have turned on innodb_file_per_table (which means that each table has its own tablespace), and you have to drop tables in a background every hour or every day. If its once every day then you can probably schedule the table dropping process to run during off-peak hours. But I have seen cases where the tables had to be dropped more frequently (like every other hour), or when there was no such thing as off-peak hours, in such cases you need consistent performance. But dropping tables is known to cause stalls that exhibit themselves as reduced QPS during the table drops or stalls. Percona Server since version 5.1 has a feature know as "Lazy Drop Table" that alleviates the problem to a great extent but does not get rid of it completely. In the new releases of MySQL (versions >= 5.5.23) work has been done on reducing the stalls caused by DROP TABLE, these have been done in the form of fixes for bug 51325 and bug 64284.
So what is this blog post about? In this blog post I am going to give a high level picture of how Lazy Drop Table works and how the new DROP Table works in MySQL >= 5.5.23. After the explanation I will share the results of benchmarks that I ran to compare both the implementations. Note that whatever we are discussing here holds for when you are using innodb_file_per_table.
Before going into showing how Lazy Drop Table and the new DROP Table in MySQL >= 5.5.23 work, I would like to mention quickly, that how drop table in MySQL < 5.5.23 used to work. When dropping the table, a mutex on bufferpool would be held for the entire operation and then two scans of the LRU list would be done invalidating pages that belong to the table being dropped. Obviously this is going to take time which depends on the number of pages in the buffer pool at that time, and the longer this takes, the more stalls you have because, importantly, the bufferpool mutex is held for the entire duration. Now let's keep this old behavior of DROP TABLE as a baseline, and let's continue to look at the implementations.
Lazy Drop Table in Percona Server
The main function that is responsible for cleaning the bufferpool in the event of drop table is
buf_LRU_mark_space_was_deleted(space_id), here
space_id is the id of the tablespace corresponding to the table being dropped. Following are the steps performed in this function:
- Take a mutex on the LRU list of the buffer pool
- Scan through the LRU list and for each page in the LRU list:
- If the page belongs to the tablespace being dropped, then set a flag in the page structure marking the page as belonging to a tablespace being dropped
- Exit the mutex on the LRU list
- Take a reader-writer shared lock on the latch protecting the Adaptive Hash Index (AHI)
- Scan the buffer pool and for each page in the buffer pool
- If the page has a hash index built on it, (meaning the AHI has an entry for this page):
- Release the shared lock on the latch protecting the AHI
- Lock the page in exclusive mode
- Remove all entries in the AHI pointing to the page
- Release the lock on the page
- Take the reader-writer shared lock on the latch protecting the AHI again
- Release the shared lock on the latch protecting the AHI
Drop Table in Oracle MySQL >= 5.5.23
The main function that is responsible for cleaning the bufferpool is
buf_LRU_flush_or_remove_pages(space_id, BUF_REMOVE_FLUSH_NO_WRITE). Here
space_id is the id of the tablespace corresponding to the table being dropped and
BUF_REMOVE_FLUSH_NO_WRITE is a flag that is passed to this function meaning that only the entries in the flush_list should be removed. Following are the steps performed in this function:
- Loop while all dirty pages belonging to the tablespace (being dropped) have been removed from the buffer pool
- Take the buffer pool mutex
- Take a mutex on the flush list of the buffer pool
- Scan the flush list and for each dirty page in the flush list
- Remove the page from the buffer pool if the page belongs to the tablespace being dropped
- If we have removed 1024 dirty pages from the buffer pool thus far we release the buffer pool mutex and the flush list mutex for some time
- Exit the flush list mutex
- Exit the buffer pool mutex
- Try to force a context switch by advising the os to give up remainder of the thread's time slice (this is going to let other threads do things on the buffer pool and prevents the buffer pool mutex from being kept for long)
- Take the buffer pool mutex and the flush list mutex again
- Release the flush list mutex
- Release the buffer pool mutex
Ok, now that I have shared a high level picture of both the implementations let's take a look at the most important and major differences. You can see that the most important and the major differences in the two implementations is the use of buffer pool mutex in Oracle MySQL, this mutex is not used by "Lazy Drop Table" implementation. While the MySQL's version of drop table relies on taking the buffer pool mutex and a mutex on the flush list, "Lazy Drop Table" implementation relies on taking a mutex on the LRU list (which is a list of pages ordered by their last access time) and a shared reader-writer lock on the Adaptive Hash Index latch. The buffer pool mutex is a major point of contention as it is taken at a lot of different places, while the affect of LRU list mutex is cheaper in comparison. However, a lock on the AHI latch can cause contention for writes, since its a shared lock, so while read queries can still access AHI, write queries would have to wait till the latch is unlocked.
Now about the improvements in Oracle MySQL's implementation. The good thing is that there is no scan of the LRU list, and pages belonging to the tablespace being dropped are left alone in the LRU list and are evicted by the normal LRU process when these pages age towards the tail of the LRU. The other good thing is that in Oracle MySQL's implementation the buffer pool mutex and flush list mutex are released after every 1024 pages being evicted. Both these things are an improvement over the previous implementation of DROP TABLE, but do they make enough difference. I feel that the buffer pool mutex and flush list mutex is still going to cause stalls. Well only benchmarks can give us the true picture.
I have tried to be realistic with the benchmarks. I have not tried to create-and-drop tables as fast as I can in the background, as that is not a realistic benchmark. In real life workload we will not be doing create/drop as fast as possible. Neither would I be looking at QPS of the entire benchmark as a single number, as what most people are often concerned about is uniform performance over a period of time. I would also like to point out one thing about benchmarks – we have been always advising people to look beyond average performance numbers because they almost never really matter in production, it is not a question if average performance is bad but what stalls and pileups you have.
Ok now some details about the benchmark.
First of all before running the benchmark, 30 tables were created and populated with 1000 rows, the tables all had a very simple structure:
CREATE TABLE t_x(i int(11) not null auto_increment primary key)
And during the benchmark, these 30 tables were then dropped at 30 second intervals in the background, while in the foreground sysbench was run for 15 minutes with 8 threads which would execute read/write queries against a 20M rows table:
sysbench --test=oltp --oltp-table-size=20000000 --mysql-table-engine=innodb --mysql-socket=/tmp/mysql_sandbox5524.sock --mysql-db=test --oltp-table-name=sbtest_20m --max-time=900 --num-threads=8 --max-requests=0 run
Note that the tables that were being dropped had been initialized before the sysbench run, so that the table creation time does not skew the results of the benchmark. During the entire run of the benchmark, all the queries were captured in the slow log by setting
long_query_time to 0. Then for analysis purposes the queries in the slow log were grouped by their timestamp, giving us a QPS no. for every second of the benchmark run. Finally, average QPS was taken per every five seconds.
The size of the dataset used is 4.6G, while the buffer pool size is 6G. The value of
innodb_max_dirty_pages_pct was set at 90, while the InnoDB log files were sized at 4G. The configuration and dataset sizes were chosen, so that the dataset completely fits in memory, and to prevent checkpointing from skewing the benchmark results. Prior, to running the benchmark, I also made sure that the buffer pool was completely warmed up with the dataset that sysbench will be using entirely in memory. Furthermore I filled up the bufferpool enough to make sure that the server represents one that is in active use. The buffer pool was filled up with 315K pages out of which ~100K were dirty.
Ok now some details about the hardware. The host has a CPU with two cores, 8G of memory and a software RAID5 array consisting of 4 disks.
The version of MySQL used for benchmarking pre 5.5.23 DROP TABLE implementation is MySQL 5.5.15, the version of MySQL used for benchmarking the new DROP TABLE implementation is MySQL 5.5.24, and the version of Percona Server used for benchmarking Lazy Drop Table is Percona Server 5.5.24 (innodb_lazy_drop_table=1)
Now so much for the details of the benchmark, lets see the graphs.
First of all comes the benchmark results showing the QPS over 5 second periods when "NO" DROP TABLE is running in the background:
Next comes the benchmark results showing the QPS over 5 second periods with the old DROP TABLE implementation (pre MySQL 5.5.23) and DROP TABLE running in the background:
Next comes the benchmark results showing the QPS over 5 second periods with the new DROP TABLE implementation (MysQL version >= 5.5.23) and DROP TABLE running in the background:
Finally comes the benchmark results showing the QPS over 5 second periods with the Lazy Drop Table implementation in Percona Server and DROP TABLE running in the background:
So we can compare the graphs above, and see that there are dips in QPS whenever table is dropped, MySQL 5.5.23 does show an improvement over MySQL version prior to 5.5.23, as the dips are not as regular and as low as in the old implementation of drop table, but the "Lazy Drop Table" implementation wins here. The dips are there in the case of "Lazy Drop Table" but the dips in QPS are not as low or as pronounced as compared to MySQL.
The new DROP TABLE related fixes in MySQL >= 5.5.23 have certainly reduced the performance hit, and the performance dips are not as pronounced as in older versions of MySQL. However, Percona Server with "Lazy Drop Table" still fares a lot better than MySQL. The dips are there, but not as low as in MySQL, though there is still room for improvement. I certainly like the idea of not scanning the LRU list at all during the DROP TABLE, and I think this is something that could be implemented in "Lazy Drop Table" to further improve the overall performance during background DROP TABLE operations.
33 Comments
Ovais, please confirm that you were using at least four buffer pools for this test.
One key purpose of multiple buffer pools is to reduce contention on the buffer pool mutex and four to eight is likely to be a sensible value for a server with a buffer pool in the six gigabyte range. Possibly more where buffer pool mutex contention is believed to be a serious issue for the workload. In general, tests that have not verified no benefit from multiple buffer pools and which use only one should be viewed with caution. The actual optimal value should be determined with tests, four to eight is just a range that is likely to be reasonable.
Nice to see that you took some care to load the buffer pool and flush list. Many people may have missed doing that.
Apparently not using multiple buffer pools is one of the most commonly seen gaps in the settings described in non-Oracle reports, which are often in-memory workloads where the mutex can be very significant. While the difference will not always be important, it generally causes me to use considerable caution when evaluating the results. Others should not take this reservation as an assertion that it will make a substantial difference to the results in this report, I have not specifically evaluated that, merely noted that I use care when I see it not mentioned or not in use.
This is just my opinion. For an official view of Oracle, consult a PR person.
James Day, MySQL Senior Principal Support Engineer, Oracle
This is very interesting, and I've always wondered why DROP TABLE doesn't just mark pages (which completely belong to said table) as "good for recycling" in the pool without placing so many locks.
I am using Percona Server 5.1 extensively, and am surprised to learn of this feature. I wasn't aware of it, as my DROP TABLE operations perform badly. Anything to set up in advance for it to work?
Scanning the LRU for DROP TABLE is inefficient when pages from other tables are on the LRU. AFAIK, the only table in use for this benchmark was the dropped table. I don't think this is realistic and the results don't surprise me.
The overhead for lazy drop table is a function of the length of the LRU. The overhead for new drop table is a function of the length of the flush list. Each have additional overheads because work is done for each page encountered from the dropped table.
For this test the ratio of LRU to flush list lengths is 3:1 and all pages on each are from the dropped table. I doubt this reflects the typical drop table and it minimizes the overhead from scanning the LRU. Your test makes lazy drop table look better than it will in production.
For servers I support the ratio is usually 10:1 and the dropped table is never the majority of pages in the flush list.
Repeating the test with a larger LRU, multiple tables in the buffer pool and on a modern server (2-sockets, NUMA) would be interesting to me.
I also think the base case (no drop table) should be reported for each binary.
Sounds better although I think the LRU:flush_list ratio should still be made smaller than 3:1. Shutdown takes too long for huge buffer pools with 30% dirty pages.
You probably motivated Dimitri to run a round of tests and figure things out. So we will learn more.
Ovais, lets consider what happens with a single buffer pool first. If it is locked, no accesses work. So you expect to see a drop to close to zero throughput while the lock is in place. Compare this to the graph you have provided for 5.5.23, which shows regular drops to low throughput.
Now consider what happens when there are four buffer pools. When one is locked, accesses to the other three continue as normal. This reduces the peak drop from 100% to 25%. Now consider ten pools, the maximum drop during a lock of one is ten percent.
Lets consider two of the comparisons you have specified:
1. 'While the MySQL's version of drop table relies on taking the buffer pool mutex and a mutex on the flush list, "Lazy Drop Table" implementation relies on taking a mutex on the LRU list'
2. 'Now about the improvements in Oracle MySQL's implementation. … The other good thing is that in Oracle MySQL's implementation the buffer pool mutex and flush list mutex are released after every 1024 pages being evicted. Both these things are an improvement over the previous implementation of DROP TABLE, but do they make enough difference. I feel that the buffer pool mutex and flush list mutex is still going to cause stalls.'
I find your reply to my question to be quite refreshing and commend you for being willing to make your post a transparent example.
Views are my own, not those of Oracle. If you want an official view of Oracle, consult a PR person.
James Day, MySQL Senior Principal Support Engineer, Oracle
Are we sure that the buffer pool mutex is the bottleneck? Have you collected 'show engine innodb mutex' output to verify which mutex is the hottest one?
If it is the buffer pool mutex then I believe we already have a solution for this in MySQL 5.6. We have introduced an array of rw-locks to control access to the buffer pool pages. For workloads like the one you described i.e.: in-memory workload with no LRU eviction happening, access to a page in buffer pool won't need acquisition of buffer pool mutex in MySQL 5.6.
I think the most important metric is the max stall during DROP TABLE. Prior to getting any fixes from Oracle or Percona it was pretty bad. When I measured performance for my variation of the DROP TABLE improvement, I only measured throughput. I should have measured max stall duration too. Perhaps you can learn from my mistake. Without a fix our servers stall for ~1 second during DROP TABLE and the impact from that is visible.
Hi Ovais,
Right from a user's perspective without worrying about mutexes :), just a few observations from your blog post , and some questions:
I believe the scenario you have covered in the post is a rare occurrence in real time systems for most applications (as per my experience), and the fact that it relies on innodb_file_per_table, which is in itself not recommended for innodb performance (again, last time I read the MySQL manual, that was the case). Also, there are some other MySQL features that require rather immediate attention like sub query performance, so I wonder if there are any changes being carried out in Percona server to address those high priority issues. This post from Feb 2008 mentions something about that, but we are in 2012, and yet no such luck.
Lastly, I could not find a Windows binary for any of the Percona servers/tools in the download section. Nothing in the FAQ section mentioned the reason for that either. Would be nice if you can explain why there is no Windows binary release, while MariaDB and MySQL consistently provide such with each of their releases?
Our needs are very different. I care a lot more about DROP TABLE stalls than subquery optimizations. DROP TABLE is done as part of online-schema change. But you are in luck, a lot of work has been done and more is in progress for subquery optimization. Thanks go to the MariaDB project and the official MySQL team at Oracle.
Quick question: "Our needs" means the customers needs or that of the Percona/MySQL developers?
Would you also care to explain the absence of Windows binaries for Percona server?
By my needs I speak of features I need when I use MySQL at work. I don't work for Percona. My employer is a Percona customer, as in we pay them and we use some of their software.
I am sure Percona would be more active with Windows if they had enough customers willing to pay them to work on it.
I assume these results also apply to TRUNCATE TABLE, anything that differs with DROP / TRUNCATE PARTITION that would not allow it to apply as well?
Well TRUNCATE TABLE, is basically, drop and re-create of the table, so this applies to it as well. Similarly it applies to DROP/TRUNCATE PARTITION. In fact dropping a partitioned table with 100 partitions is even more scary, as that implies 100 scans to drop each and every partition separately.
Thanks Ovais.. I'm glad you did your tests with the default single buffer pool, from my experience (mobile gaming), I've found the benefit of increasing the number of multiple buffer pools from X -> Y to be very much work load and hardware config dependent (even from 1 to 4)… certainly increasing the number can reduce contention if the buffer pool mutex is at issue, but I've also found it can make an already taxed system more volatile. I wouldn't necessarily set a pool per GB as a default.
Yes choosing the number of bufferpool instances depends a lot on workload and the amount of memory available, I would also not necessarily set a pool per GB.
And I did not use multiple bufferpool instances as I only had a 6G bufferpool, and for those who have multiple bufferpool instances 6G could very well be the size of a single bufferpool instance. Also, the impact of having multiple bufferpool instances would be equal for both the implementations since both rely on the structures that are created for each of the bufferpool instance separately.
mike, as Ovais wrote, it's more workload-affected than something you want to set based only on total buffer pool size or core count, though there have been assorted formulas suggested that use one or both of those. I'd start at 4 and go up or down from there depending on how the measured contention looks, assuming at least a fair number of concurrently running threads.
Ovais, you've written that the MySQL Server implementation has the buffer pool mutex as a bottleneck, while the XtraDB one doesn't have it as a bottleneck. The expected performance impact of multiple buffer pools for the one blocking on the per-buffer-pool mutex is very different from the one not blocking on it.
As a comparative exercise, tell me why you think that this benchmark shows the non-thread pool read-only test slowing after 2048 connections: http://blog.montyprogram.com/mariadb-5-5-performance-on-windows/ . A quick look at the settings should tell you the answer; it's one of the common easy tuning wins that I expect you'll see almost immediately when you look at the settings.
I still think that the XtraDB implementation will be faster than the one in 5.5 for the workload you're using, with the reservation Mark noted. But I doubt it'll be as great when the server is better tuned. I agree with what you originally wrote here: "Well only benchmarks can give us the true picture". Simply try 4 pools and see if it makes much difference or not to your test. Yes or no and I'll thank you because then I'll have some idea of whether your test actually means something other than possible misconfiguration. I think you've done too much good work to just leave that unknown.
Are you able to redraw the graphs so that they all have the same scale (i.e. 0-14,000 for all graphs)?
There is a bug in DROP TABLE on MySQL. Because of it my production servers hanged.
Now I'm using innodb_lazy_drop_table.
Comments are closed


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A rise in freight transportation and revenue from fuel surcharges will restore growth
Los Angeles, CA (PRWEB) June 13, 2012
The Inland Water Transportation industry dipped as the economy sank into recession. Over the past couple of years, consumers have decreased spending, and manufacturing industries have decreased production. Consequently, fewer goods have been transported along domestic inland waterways, decreasing revenue. In 2008, the industry dodged a bullet when rising fuel prices caused industry operators to impose fuel surcharges, which increased revenue. "However, rising revenue from fuel surcharges has not hit the industry's bottom line because fuel purchase costs for operators have increased as a result of the rising prices," said IBISWorld industry analyst Lauren Setar. As fuel prices started to fall in 2009, fuel surcharges fell as well, decreasing revenue. Industry operators were also forced to cope with declining demand for services as demand for commodities dropped. Consequently, revenue fell 13.9% in 2009 alone, resulting in revenue decreasing at a marginal 0.8% annualized rate to $6.3 billion over the five years to 2012.
This industry operates in rivers, ports and other bodies of water in the United States. While operators provide passenger ferry services, transporting freight commodities generates the majority of revenue. In 2006 and 2007, demand for coal, petrochemicals and grain was particularly strong, and worldwide demand for commodities, especially from China, further fueled revenue growth. As a result of the recession, capacity utilization for industry companies fell, reducing operators' revenue, profit and efficiency. In 2012, industry revenue is expected to increase 3.2% due to an increase in freight transportation. Revenue growth is forecast to continue over the next five years. According to Setar, large operators have increasingly used contract labor to cope with the fluctuations in demand. Furthermore, many of them have acquired medium-size firms to increase capacity in certain regions. These factors helped boost profit to 14.0% of revenue in 2007; however, profit margins have since fallen to 11.7% due to reduced demand. IBISWorld estimates the number of firms operating in this industry has declined at an average annual rate of 1.3% in the five years to 2012 to 3,076.
The Inland Water Transportation industry has a moderate level of concentration, with the four largest players accounting for 59.6% of industry revenue in 2012. The relatively large proportion of small, family owned companies also contributes to the industry's moderate level of concentration. Industry concentration has increased over the past five years due to a number of acquisitions made by large players, particularly in the freight segment. In 2012, IBISWorld estimates that 49.8% of all firms employ fewer than five people and more than three quarters of industry companies have fewer than 20 employees. Over the past decade, the industry has consolidated at the top while growing at the bottom. With most of the major companies in the Inland Water Transportation industry acquiring other players in the past few years, the number of medium-size enterprises has dropped. Furthermore, many large players have increasingly used contractors to cope with shifts in demand. Many of these contract workers are non-employers. For more information, visit IBISWorld's Inland Water Transportation in the US industry report page.
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IBISWorld industry Report Key Topics
This industry comprises establishments that provide inland water transportation of passengers and cargo on lakes, rivers or intracoastal waterways (except on the Great Lakes system).
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Recognized as the nation's most trusted independent source of industry and market research, IBISWorld offers a comprehensive database of unique information and analysis on every US industry. With an extensive online portfolio, valued for its depth and scope, the company equips clients with the insight necessary to make better business decisions. Headquartered in Los Angeles, IBISWorld serves a range of business, professional service and government organizations through more than 10 locations worldwide. For more information, visit http://www.ibisworld.com or call 1-800-330-3772.


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Scholarship Triathlon Leg Two: Win $2,500
Everyone deserves a scholarship, but only one will win the Scholarship Triathlon's 2nd Leg grand prize: Why I Deserve a Scholarship. Starting August 1, 2009, you can upload a 1-3 minute ...
Published August 3, 2009
Promotional Awards Can Make the Difference
Many students don't win scholarships for college — that's according to a recent FastWeb poll of over 40,000 college students. According to the survey, about 80 percent of respondents have not ...
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Students in Kalamazoo, Michigan, recently learned they could get a free college education. A program called offers students who've spent their entire academic career in Kalamazoo public schools a free ride ...
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Reckon carried out a study for DG Taxation and Customs Union of the European Commission to quantify the extent of VAT and excise duty losses in each Member State of the EU. There were 25 Member States in the EU at the start of the study.
The main focus of the work was on developing estimates of VAT losses in each Member State using macroeconomic data. VAT losses are the difference between the net VAT that ought to have been remitted — the net theoretical VAT liability — and accrued VAT receipts.
We developed our own estimates of the net theoretical VAT liability by combining information on the value of intermediate and final consumption in different sectors of the economy, with the VAT treatment that would apply to that activity.
This work required a thorough understanding of published National Accounts data, including data on final consumption expenditure, intermediate consumption and gross capital formation.
We conducted an in-depth study of the EC VAT directive and of the relevant VAT legislation of Member States. The work needed a good understanding of the VAT system, rates, exemptions and refunds, including their application to public bodies, in the UK and across the EU.
As part of the work, we carried out an econometric analysis to identify factors that are associated with the extent of losses in each Member State.
We also developed estimates of losses associated with excise duties on alcohol, tobacco and road fuel. We did so by using data from consumption surveys and industry sources to compute estimates of theoretical excise duty liability on alcohol, tobacco and road fuel for each of the EU Member States.
We have presented the results of our work relating to VAT at two EU-wide working groups. Our report on VAT (PDF, 109 pages) was published by the European Commission in 2009.


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Chapter 1
I've mentioned before that being a teenager and head of my family is difficult, right? I mean, being a head of family is hard enough. But when you're a teenager and you have to do it on your own…well it's a great challenge. You have a lot of insecurities, you're barely discovering who you are and who you want to become.
And a lot of times, you don't make good judgements. And you don't think things through. And a lot of times, when you think you're doing what's best for your family, it turns out that it really wasn't the best thing for you to do.
I have to go through all this. On top of all that, my second-youngest brother, Robert, has just become a preteen. He turned twelve on April 19 and is about to graduate from upper 5th grade into middle school.
Robert is not a kid who's given me a whole lot of trouble. He's your typical 12-year-old boy. He likes soccer, volleyball, tennis, rock pop, and just hanging out with his friends from school. But, I also knew that now that he had become a pre-teenager, things were going to be extremely different now. And a whole lot more challenging.
But I never knew how difficult it would be for me. And I never knew that I would have to go through a lot of embarrassment and suffering to learn some important lessons.
It all started on Saturday, May 30, 2015.
I was in my room; doing…I don't know what. I guess you just call it reading. Yeah, I was reading. I was in the middle of concentration when Larry came walking in, "Oh, Spiny-poo! Where are you? Oh, there you are."
"What's up?" I said.
"There's a beautiful brown-eyed girl at the Palace Gates who wants to see you. She identifies herself as Lilia Woods." Now, that really got my attention. I got and instinctively went to wash my face and comb my hair. I was just about to run out of the room, when I stopped. "Wait a minute! This isn't one of your practical jokes, right?"
"Because if it is, I'll kill you."
"You'd have to get ready for that."
Was he threatening me? "You and what army?"
You won't believe what the nut did. You know how Larry can do pretty much anything, right? And that includes every single super-power in existence. So what did he do? He multiplied himself by a hundred. That's the time to say, Oh no.
Once Larry turns into a thousand Larrys, then you have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. You get beaten up, punched, kicked, bitten, slapped, scratched, etc. And that's exactly what happened to me. You don't know how much damage a thousand Larrys can cause to your body.
It took me about two hours to make myself presentable, just to give you an idea of how much damage all those Larrys caused. When I finally got outside to go see Lilia, she wasn't there anymore. I stepped out of the Gates and looked in both directions. Nobody was there. Great!
Larry had done that to me on purpose, knowing that Lilia would eventually go home. I was SO going to let him have it! I was about to leave, when a voice said, "Spiny, wait!" I turned around and…there she was. Running from her house. She ran up to me…and threw her arms around me and kissed me so hard that I almost fell backwards.
I put my arms around her and swung her around a few times, returning the kiss. "Hey," I said.
"Hi, how are you?" she said, smiling so beautifully.
"Fine and you?"
"Doing great." We stepped apart, holding hands. "I was just wondering if you were going to do anything this weekend."
"I don't know. Why?" I asked.
"Well, I had a fun idea for a weekend date."
I couldn't help smiling. I love this girl so much! And I love spending any time with her, even two minutes. She is so much fun! "What was it?"
"How about stargazing?"
I could feel my heart pounding. I could just see both of us, lying side by side on the grass, looking up at the starry heavens, holding hands. What could be better? "I'd love to! I'll call you later and tell you if I can make it."
She smiled. "Okay. I'll see you, then?"
I nodded. "Of course you will." I kissed her and it made both of us blush, just like the first time. Just like every time. But I enjoyed it.
"Oh, and I have something for you," I said.
"Oh, Spiny. I don't want you wasting money on me," she said, in an almost punishing me-tone of voice.
"I didn't waste any money. And besides, you're more worth than all the gold and money in the world. You're unique. You're my angel."
She giggled. "Oh, Spiny."
"I wrote you a poem," I said, taking out a piece of paper. "Want to hear it?"
She nodded.
"Okay. Here goes. It's called, Young Love. And it says:
You say you love me
You say you care
But when you look into my eyes
I see and feel something more
I see your soul and you see mine
I feel your love, love words can't describe
You are the one, the one I'll always love
And the one that will always care... my first love."
I looked at her and said, "You like it?"
She had tears in her eyes, but I could tell that she was genuinely happy. She pulled me into a hug, and put her head on my chest. I hugged her back, and caressed her silky brown hair. "I love you," she whispered.
I felt my face burning and butterflies in my stomach, just like every time she said those words to me. "I love you, too," I whispered back.
I wanted to stay like that with her forever. I could've for all I knew. Then she stepped back and kissed me goodbye, before leaving back to her house, with my poem. I stood there, staring at her house, lost in deep thoughts, when out of nowhere Larry popped out. "Hey, Spiny."
"We need some action."
"Action? What do you mean?"
"Let's go get ice cream at Arnold's."
"All right."
We walked down the street until we got to the restaurant. Since school was almost out, there were a lot of kids there. By kids, I mean teenagers. We both walked in, and sat at our usual booth. "Waiter! Hello, waiter! Anybody back there!" Larry yelled.
At that moment, a young waiter who was in his early 20s came out. He must've been, oh 22. But get this: he was shorter than me. I'm about 5-foot, 11 ½ inches tall. Anyways, he said, "Yes, sir?"
"I'd like Double-Dip-Dip-Chocolate-Vanilla-Wafer ice cream."
"Coming right up!" He called back to the kitchen. "Get me one DDCVW! On the double!" In less than the blink of an eye, Larry had his ice cream in front of him. "That'll be $1."
"One dollar?! What kind of prices are these? I didn't even order whipped cream! But, I guess it's worth it." He started eating his ice cream, while the waiter turned to me.
"I'll have a Dark-and-Milk Chocolate Combo with the Root Beer syrup and Black Cherry/Cranberry sauce on top. And with whipped cream."
"All right. One Chocolate Combo, coming up!"
"Um, bad choice of words," I said.
"What then? Going down?" Larry said.
I kicked him from under the table. He kicked me back. "Why'd you hit me?"
"Why'd you hit me?" he said.
"Look, Larry don't start that again." The waiter came with my order. "For you, sir, that'll be 20 cents."
Larry almost choked on his ice cream. "Twenty cents?!"
"Pays to be a King," I said simply. I started drinking the ice cream and ohh! It was so good! Too bad it's not available in any other country on Earth. "Hey, this is good."
"You're right," said Larry. I hadn't realized that he was drinking out of my cup, too. "Hey! Get your nose out of there!"
"It wasn't my nose. It was my straw."
"Mind your own business, will you?"
"All right, all right, chill."
We continued eating our delicious, world-famous ice cream when guess who came into the restaurant?
One of our best friends and a good citizen.


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The Securities and Exchange Commission has asked several media companies to provide information about how they calculate paid circulation, an industry-wide inquiry that comes after circulation-inflation scandals at four large newspapers this year, the companies confirmed yesterday.
The probe, reported in yesterday's editions of the New York Times, includes the Times Co.; The Washington Post Co.; Gannett Co., publishers of USA Today and 100 other papers; Dow Jones & Co., publisher of the Wall Street Journal and Barron's; and Knight Ridder, publisher of the Miami Herald, Philadelphia Inquirer and 29 other papers.
The investigation is an SEC "sweep," a relatively recent tactic designed to find out if problems at one company are localized to that company or are systemic throughout the industry. It aims to stanch activity that could be harmful to shareholders. Previous SEC sweeps have focused on the food service industry, prompted by the 2003 accounting fraud at Royal Ahold NV, and on Internet service providers, prompted by complaints that subscribers who canceled their service had been billed for months after they requested a cutoff.
Four large newspapers admitteed that they provided inflated sales data to the Audit Bureau of Circulations (ABC), which monitors and publishes newspaper circulation figures that are used to set advertising rates. The Tribune Co.'s Newsday and Hoy papers, Hollinger International Inc.'s Chicago Sun-Times and Belo Corp.'s Dallas Morning News are taking earnings write-downs in the tens of millions of dollars to repay advertisers for overpriced ads based on the phony figures.
The SEC already is investigating the Tribune papers.
"As part of the inquiry, the SEC asked The Washington Post Company voluntarily to provide certain information, and The Post newspaper has done so," Post spokesman Eric Grant said in a written statement. "The SEC made clear that the inquiry is an industry review and should not be taken to suggest that The Post has engaged in any wrongdoing."
Most other newspaper chains issued similar statements.
"The SEC is taking an industrywide look at circulation practices," Times Co. spokeswoman Catherine Mathis said in a written statement. "We welcome the SEC's action because we believe it will help to put to rest any lingering doubts created by the improper actions of a few."
The SEC had no comment.


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Date: April 7, 2005
Venue: The Grand Hyatt New York, Park Avenue, Grand Central, New York, NY 10017
Linux is rapidly moving from the fringes to center-stage, especially in the financial services industry. However, Linux is still largely used in conventional applications and in "point mode," where individual applications are ported to Linux. This reduces the ROI potential from Linux adoption. If a bigger picture approach to Linux is taken, it is our view that firms especially in the Banking & Financial Services industry will greatly benefit.
But this requires that Linux adoption not be viewed as a purely technology selection decision. Linux is aptly suited for high performance computing processes which typically exist in data centers of financial institutions. Linux clusters can be effectively used for portfolio analysis, trading analytics, customer analytics, near real-time transaction monitoring, data cleansing and validation. What's more, small Linux clusters can be used to run complex portfolio simulations and risk analysis for financial firms. These Linux clusters need not be fresh procurements. Existing/ unused hardware, desktops or even proprietary hardware can be utilized to setup Linux clusters.
The lower TCO of Linux goes beyond licensing costs. Built into the lower TCO are better security, performance, lower hardware costs, and better support given the open nature of Linux. Little wonder that the decision to migrate to Linux has shifted from a tactical, cost saving option to a strategic long term business decision.
Dushyant Shahrawat
Senior Analyst, TowerGroup
Mike Alsip
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Red Hat Consulting
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Linux Solution Architect,
Infosys Technologies
Management profiles
Meet the leadership at Infosys
Media relations contacts
Thank You
Our representative will get in touch with you shortly.


text:
PPBF: Millions of Cats and some awards
Today is Perfect Picture Book Friday where I link up with Susannah Leonard Hill's fantastic group of writers who contribute a picture book review and related resources.
My selection today is another classic picture book…this one from 1928…the author/illustrator, Wanda Gag, won the 1929 Newbery Honor Book Award. According to Wikipedia, Ms. Gag pioneered the double page spread in this book. "She used both pages to move the story forward, putting them together with art that sweeps across the entire page spread."
Millions of Cats is the oldest American picture book still in print!
Millions of Cats
Written and illustrated by Wanda Gag
Publishers: Coward McCann (1928 original edition), Penguin (more recent editions)
Ages: 2 – 8
Themes: Celebrating the uniqueness of each individual, caring for pets, companionship
Opening: "Once upon a time there was a very old man and a very old woman. They lived in a nice clean house which had flowers all around it, except where the door was. But they couldn't be happy because they were so very lonely."
Synopsis: A lonely old couple want a pretty little cat to keep them company. When the husband finds a hillside FILLED with cats, he has trouble picking the prettiest…and all of the cats follow him home. "Cats here, cats there, cats and kittens everywhere. Hundreds of cats, thousands of cats, millions and billions and trillions of cats."
When the man and his wife leave it up to the cats to determine who is the prettiest, mayhem breaks out and the couple run into their house! Will the cats be able to choose who is the prettiest? Will the old couple get the cat that they want?
Why do I like this book:
The Rhyme!
The Rhythm!
The Illustrations!
The fact that this book is over EIGHTY years old and adults and children still love it and it is still in print! Kudos to Ms. Gag!
The Story! The results of the catfight are somewhat grisly…but the underdog (or should I say, undercat) wins out…through modesty and non-violence…definitely an important message for today's world!
Related Activities:
New Hampshire Public TV has a kid-lit site where Caldecott Award winning books are read. You can hear Millions of Cats here: http://video.nhptv.org/video/1688016012/
Anita Silvey's Children's Book-of-Days Almanac has a wonderful review of the book and additional information about Wanda Gag and her groundbreaking picture book work here: http://childrensbookalmanac.com/2010/12/millions-of-cats/
Scholastic has a page that provides some guidance for parents and teachers on how to use the book to encourage discussions about caring for others here: http://westonwoods.scholastic.com/products/westonwoods/study_guides/millions_of_cats.pdf
Last week I shared the Valentine Boat made from a shoebox. Plain brown paper bags also make very versatile (and inexpensive) craft projects for kids. I found this awesome cat made from a paper bag here: http://www.dltk-kids.com/animals/mbagcat.htm Dltk-kids.com a wonderful resource for craft ideas.
You will need: Plain brown (or white) paper lunch-size bag, 2 pieces of construction paper (one should probably be black for the eyes and whiskers and the other can be pink…or any other color your child would prefer), glue, scissors, crayons or markers.
1. Cut from the black paper: 2 pupils for the eyes and 6 whiskers.
2. Cut from the other color paper: 2 eyes, oval stomach, nose, 2 triangles for ears, several small circles for the paws and a small triangle for the mouth.
3. Place the closed bag with the open end down and attach the eyes, nose, ears, mouth, paw pads and whiskers with glue.
4. Use marker or crayons to draw the line from the nose to the mouth and add other lines to make the bag more cat-like.
When dry, this cat-bag can be used as a puppet for role-playing or as a snack bag for a special book-reading picnic where Millions of Cats is read aloud!
This post is part of a series for parents and teachers called Perfect Picture Book Fridays hosted by Susannah Leonard Hill. Click on her link and find lots of other picture book suggestions with summaries and activities.
I also wanted to thank Catherine Johnson, one of my new kid-lit picture book writing blogging friends for giving me the Liebster Blog Award and the Kreativ Blogger Award…you can see what she's up to at: http://catherinemjohnson.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/campaign-trails-and-blog-awards/
This award comes with instructions to pass it along to others:
Bern at Momto2Postlildivas: http://www.momto2poshlildivas.com/ for her Sunday Showcase link-up that provides parents and teachers with an unbelievable array of crafts for kids.
Barbara at Spanish for Kiddos: http://www.spanish4kiddos.com/
D at Spanish Pinay: http://spanishpinaynanay.blogspot.com
Danae Farias at Believing Unbeliever: http://www.danaefarias.com/
Heather at Saved by Love: http://www.heather-riggleman.com/
PiP at Piglet in Portugal: http://pigletinportugal.com/
I hope you will take a few minutes and visit these great bloggers…they all have important things to say…and they say them very well!
Posted on February 17, 2012, in children's picture books, Companionship, Crafting with Children, Kreativ Blogger Award, Liebster Blog Award, Perfect Picture Book Friday, Reading with Children and tagged Children's literature, Millions of Cats, Susannah Leonard Hill, Wanda Gag. Bookmark the permalink. 50 Comments.
You make me want to read children's picture books again. 😉
Happy Perfect Picture Book Friday!
wow that book is 80yrs old already, still in print? Talk about classic! Makes me want to get one for our little one's book collection.
And that cat is very crafty and cute! Can't wait to make crafts for our little one too when she's older 🙂
and what can I say about these awards… thank you sooooo much for thinking of me! I am definitely, definitely honored! I will start to make my own entry so I can pass it along as soon as I can 🙂
My aunt who never married had a boatload of cats in her house. We have cats on our farm. Always have. Our inside cats have died. Which broke my heart in two. But this book sounds wonderful. You know I have to get it. So thankful it is still in print. Excellent activities too.
Congrads on your award. You deserve it! *waving*
I was immediately drawn in by the title — and was astounded to learn that the book has been around for so many years, and I've never encountered it before! I must rectify that. Thanks for bringing it to our attention!
Your craft activities are just awesome! I am a sucker for cat books. How could I not love a book about BILLIONS of cats that has endured 80 years! Wonderful choice!
Thank you so much Vivian for these awesome awards. It's so great to be recognized by great peers in the field. Love reading your blog.
Oh, I LOVE this book, Vivian!!! One of my all-time favorites! Thank you for posting it. I love getting some of these oldies but goodies on our list. It's unbelievable to me, but some people don't know Millions Of Cats, or Mike Mulligan, or Caps For Sale! And they are all such treasures. And as always, I love your activity 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing!
ACK! Rhyme? Cats? Vintage PB? SWOON! 🙂
This book is exactly as old as my grandfather! A lovely story to choose and you have some fantastic activities to go along with it. Thank you.
I'm not a cat fan, but I love a classic picture book.
Sounds like an amazing book. I'm looking forward to reading this! Thanks for reviewing this!
Wow, this really is a book that has stood the test of time. Amazing. Definitely going to request this one. Thanks!
The Scholastic site was a superb resource for helping (grand)children understand caring for others. Thanks, Vivian.
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