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Tuesday, April 24, 2012
How To Drive A Narcissist Nuts - Post Removed
61 comments:
All jokes aside, I would just like to say that I don't entirely agree with that end comment - while narcissism may in fact have a genetic-element to it, there are many ACoNs out there who are proof that, to have narcissism in their genetics, does not necessarily define who they are. Just because either one or both of your parents are narcs, does not mean that you will be too.ReplyDeleteReplies
- AnonymousApril 24, 2012 at 1:31 PM
Yeah, I don't believe narcissists are born evil. It's impossible that a baby could be born evil or that a baby could be evil. It just doesn't make sense that a baby would pop out of someone's vagina evil. You can't be out of your mind if you didn't have a mind to start with. There can't be evil without some good first. A baby doesn't know what evil is. I believe you get what you put in. Someone put the evil there and now they're just walking expressions of evil. Wrecked. The Devil has them, like their eyes rolled up and down swoops the Devil into them like a glove, replacing everything, using their bodies, for infinity, for good. It's like the freaking Exorcist up in here!Delete
I'm kind of up in the air about whether there are actually people out there who were born evil...It's that old nature vs. nurture argument (personally, I think nearly all cases can be attributed to a mixture of the two). But anyway, I guess it doesn't really matter. Evil is evil no matter how you slice it.Delete
Lisa, My cousin and I were discussing getting an exorcist for my NGC younger brother. He was the sweetest baby and child who great up to be this really cool, laid back, wouldn't hurt a fly hippie. Then, BAM! He got all evil and mean as shit with a massive ego. Maybe too much pot and booze got in him or maybe the demon jumped from NF into NGC!Delete
- AnonymousApril 25, 2012 at 6:15 AM
My mother's mother raised me and she was as sweet as they come. I am pretty sure my Nmother was spoiled rotten. No one EVER told her no and it became an entitlement. In her day she was pretty good looking and she had guys falling all over themselves for her and she played it to the hilt.Delete
Be that as it may there is a meanness in her that I don't think could come from outside her. She was born with something that wasn't human.
I always joke about her dimming the lights in the room when she walks in. I swear there is some reality to that. She just doesn't give off the aura that regular people give. There is something organically not right with that woman.
Q, my NF seems to have a kind of inborn darkness in him which is really odd because his identical twin brother was just the opposite. Their mother committed suicide when they were four but their step-mother and older siblings, some of whom were older by 20 or more years, worshiped the ground they walked on. Until they joined the army for WWII at age 20 the twins were never separated, living at home and working in the same factory from age 10 onward. NF never saw combat while my gentle uncle was wounded in Italy. They married sisters and my uncle's wife quietly tolerated no BS while NM became NF's enabler.Delete
Nature vs nurture just doesn't cut it in this case!
Today, in his nineties, my NF slouches in his chair, his heavy lids kind of hood his eyes and his expression is stern and disapproving no matter what is being discussed. Partly because his hearing is poor and partly because he doesn't give a shit, he will interrupt the conversation and talk about something only important to him. He's like a self-centered four year old, tantrums and all. Mostly he's just a really creepy, dark presence glowering in his chair.
As a kid, I feared and worshiped this man all at the same time, now I feel nothing.
- AnonymousApril 25, 2012 at 8:54 AM
Mulderfan. You said...As a kid, I feared and worshiped this man all at the same time, now I feel nothing.Delete
One would think fear and worship were mutually exclusive. At least referencing a mortal. But I get it. I did the same thing.
When and if I can work past my hate for my mother I will feel nothing for her. I am already there. But I have a lot of rage about what she did to my family. As an adult I can see how things could have been far different for us had she done just a little bit for me and my sister. Just a T-Tiny bit. She was such a hand full she took up the time of all the other adults who might have done more.
Now she is like your father. Bitter and angry and mutters like an idiot about transgressions done to her that exist in her head only.
- AnonymousDecember 12, 2013 at 7:19 AM
I hear a lot of pain, blame, judgment, lack of compassion, coldness, that is, Narc traits....from the Narc's victims. Wake up and grow up, people. Everything that is not "normal, majority style" is ill. Narcs and all victims of personality disorders were victims too. How far back are you gonna go? We are links in a chain of dysfunction. Just do better with your life and loved ones, and hang on to any piece of good memory that you may have from your abuser. About evil, define evil. Even Charles Manson had to have been sick. Our jails are full of murderers that are officially qualified as "mentally ill." Unless you are the kind that think mental illness is "evil."Delete
You babble a lot and much of what you say doesn't make sense. From what I can tell, you haven't read enough of my blog to get an accurate sense of the topics I've written about, especially considering that you're now commenting on a post that is no longer available and which you probably didn't read when it was.Delete
I find the argument that "we're all just links in a chain of dysfunction" to be incredibly dull. Do yourself a favor and try not to be so ignorant. I have defined "evil" in the content of my blog many times over - if you don't agree with it, then by all means, explain yourself, but don't demand that the rest of us define it for you so that you can continue to disagree with what we have to say.
You're right, Jonsi. It's a funny article, and I've actually used one or two of those techniques or something similar, and they work, more specifically saying back something completely irrelevant or asking them to repeat themselves after a long, drawn out story. They don't like to think they weren't heard the first time. My sister and I also delve into topics the narcs find beneath them or repulsive. Believe it or not, another shocker is a simple, "No." It's amazing to watch the narcs blink as if they've never heard the word before. Thanks for the laugh!ReplyDelete
Thanks for a good laugh, Jonsi!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 24, 2012 at 11:41 AM
My BIL spent a while talking about the allowable amount of rat and roach detritus the federal government allows in peanut butter.ReplyDelete
Man I thought my mother was going to come unglued. Not in his presence, but I heard about that for years after. HAHAHAHAHAH
What a classic.
- AnonymousApril 28, 2012 at 8:54 PM
My Nsis came out of the womb with a profound sense of entitlement. Each child really does come into this world with the fundamentals of their own little personality in place-ask anyone who's had more than one. What happens after that is interesting.ReplyDelete
Despite enrolling Nsis in a prestigious Boarding School secondary to the recommendation of a psychiatrist to whom my father brought both Nsis and Psychobitch for assistance in the early '60's, Nsis's nastiness and entitlement continued to grow exponentially as she did. The shrink nailed it IMO when he told Dad due to the continuing conflict between the two 8 yr. olds (that'd be Nsis and Psychobitch ) they "needed to be separated because they are too much alike." Dad brought Nsis home anytime she wanted for weekends, vacations of course and attending school with the daughters of other affluent and/or well-known celebrities, politicians etc. did not appear to abate the conflicts or the sense of entitlement. She proclaimed on a regular basis, "TW's good enough for my hand-me-downs... If she REALLY needs clothes." She was absolutely serious.
One of the most memorable occasions took place when Nsis was about 11 and home for a weekend. She announced at the Dining Room table one evening during dinner that my parents should vacate the Master Suite and give it to her. Once again, she was absolutely serious. It was the first-and only-time I saw Psychobitch absolutely speechless. The expression on her face was one of complete shock and confusion. It may have lasted 30 seconds but it was priceless! Takes a whole lot to knock an Nparent back on their heels and I gotta hand it to Nsis, she was successful!
- AnonymousDecember 12, 2013 at 7:21 AM
psychobitch? you are a hurt and sick individual who will probably die alone and in pain. This is lacking so much compassion for the ill, who were victims themselves, that is almost like a Republican show.Delete
- AnonymousFebruary 4, 2015 at 4:47 AM
I know this thread is closed but I can't let this go. Pajarochoui is full of crap. Narcs are EVIL. They know EXACTLY what they are doing. They are not "ill" that's just a copout to avoid responsibility for their nastiness. The fact that they can instantly change their behavior from nasty to "nice" when an outsider enters the room is proof that these creatures are EVIL and deserve zero compassion. Would you have compassion for a Viper while it continues to BITE you? Give me a break!! And if anyone's interested, read Psalm 58:3-5 which states that these creature are indeed, born evil.Delete
I know...thread closed but I still want to comment. pajarocoui, that attitude could be the undoing of a victim of an Nmom. We have to remember their tricks and the fact that they not only don't love us but couldn't even if they wanted to ( which they wouldn't). We can't forget to be on guard as we were their targets for manipulation and abuse from birth and likely believed it was normal behavior. While I am aware that NM was a victim herself, it is not for me to have compassion for her, I'll leave that to you and heaven help you should you meet her. I don't think you'd feel the same way for long. We won't die alone though, if that is what you are trying to save us from. We have the ability to love, be loved and to create healthier, genuinely loving relationships. I am so grateful for my thoughtful friends and for the genuine loving relationships I enjoy with my children.Delete
I don't close any threads, feel free to comment wherever/whenever.Delete
A baby can inherit genes for NPD just as easily as they can inherit a gene for blue eyes or intelligence or any other numbers of conditions. They are genetically predisposed to many different things. Yes, nurture can influence genetics (nature vs. Nurture) but I do believe that nature, or genetics, have the strongest influence.Delete
My malignant narcissist father had an identical twin. They lived at home and even worked at the same factory. They weren't separated until they went off to war at age 21. During the war they married sisters.Delete
My sweet uncle was my father's polar opposite, maybe because he didn't marry an enabling narcissist like my mother.
- AnonymousApril 29, 2012 at 2:17 PM
I still don't believe anybody is born evil. A baby cannot be evil.ReplyDeleteReplies
- AnonymousDecember 12, 2013 at 7:25 AM
Again, define evil. Evil is what the unclean 12th century thinkers used to call those individuals that today we call "mentally ill." Anybody who acts deliberately heinously is SICK, not evil. Evil is a religious concept. Evil doesn't exist., though I hear some people here that are making me doubt. We are all victims. Calling your sick mother "psychobitch" is the epitome of disgusting.Delete
- AnonymousFebruary 2, 2013 at 11:55 AM
I can relate to this as a survivor of a 12 year relationship with my ex who suffers from Narcissistic Personality disorder. I still have trouble with saying that he the predator with this mental illness "suffers." I don't ever see him suffering, the one who suffer are his close family members. By the grace of God I am here to talk about it and I will do whatever it takes to educate and warn people about this very powerful evil demon that has taken over the bodies of most NPD's. look up the JEZEBEL SPIRIT, and do your research, you will see that it is one of the most powerful demons seeking to destroy the vulnerable, compassionate people it seeks out as their prey. And may I add, will never, I mean never let you get away! I unfortunately am a bit stuck, stuck because I did breed. We had a child together, and I have to fight with my ex very frequently because he has been emotionally abusing our child. I have my son in therapy and probably always will. I had to go to the women's shelter of our town for help because no one will believe you about the horrible things that go on behind closed doors. My ex has manipulated the whole town into believing its me that is crazy and that I am the one emotionally screwing up our child. He even has the majority of the police dept on his side, because he is wealthy and can provide them with VIP tickets and free drinks to his bars and businesses. He even had my mother, father, sisters and their families against me. And for someone to be able to get your close family thinking twice about your claims, this has to be one pretty powerful EVIL DEMON! Please, if you are involved with someone abusive, seek God and ask for His help in removing you from this monster before its too late! And educate yourself on the power of and tactics that the Jezebel spirit uses to reel you back in. Only God can intervene and help you to heal and recover from such tragedy. I am still educating myself on how to deal with my ex and not win, but just survive and to be able to seee his manipulative tactics that he uses to control me by using our child. To this day he is still trying to reel me back in to hell. But my Saviour will not allow that! Hope this helps....God Bless.ReplyDeleteReplies
- AnonymousMarch 28, 2013 at 6:10 PM
You are very on point when you speak of the Jezebel Spirit. I'm involved with a man that has both the narcissitic and borderline personality issues. His mother is jezebel reborned. Only God can save a person from this hell. Praying for you and your child and knowing God is able.Delete
- AnonymousApril 26, 2013 at 1:50 AM
That technique is a called Gaslighting,it has been done to me for 17 years.That is basically a whole generation of lies about who I am.Delete
- AnonymousOctober 20, 2013 at 9:33 AM
My suggestion to you is that you need to tell a Social Worker who has some knowledge about the disorder. Your Son needs to have NO contact with the demon he calls "Dad". I am 33 years old have 3 boys and it just hit me not even a year ago that my Mother was a horriable person and is uncapble of love!!! She has manipulated my life to were I am depending on her for shelter for my family. She has caused me to lose jobs, family members and made it difficult to keep friends (throught my whole life). I have realized she is one of Satan's vile projects that he gave to this world. I have been diagnosed with Anxiety and have Major Depression due to the abuse she has done to me. She would make Joan Crawford proud. I just don't want ANYOTHER child to suffer from these DEEPLY DAMAGED people! I hope everyone who has been a victum of these MONSTERS find peace and happiness and BREAK THE CYCLE!Delete
- AnonymousFebruary 2, 2013 at 12:03 PM
Oh and thank you so much for that great article! I don't think I have had such laughs in a long time. Everything you mentioned about how they are and how they will react .... hit the nail right on the head. Thanks again.ReplyDeleteReplies
Hi Anon, I just have to say, I didn't write this article, just re-posted it because I thought it was amusing. I'm sorry to hear about your ex - I almost found myself in a similar situation but I got out "in time." I wish you the best of luck in your situation, it sounds like you'll need it! (That, and steel-hard resolve).Delete
For the record, I didn't find an answer in God, I'm agnostic. But I don't think it matters where you find your answers, as long as you find them.
- AnonymousFebruary 13, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Hi Jonsi, thanks for your response. I guess I got so excited with the truths of this article that I didn't even bother to see who it was written by. Either way, I am glad you posted it because it really did bring some good laughs. And for you to have posted this, that would mean you totally understand how serious and dangerous these ppl with this disorder/spirit can be. I am soooo glad to hear you got out "in time." I wish I had got out sooner too. But I have realized everything happens for a reason, although I do not know what that reason is quite yet.lol All I know is that Narcissists look for the too nice, too compassionate, too forgiving, and the too weak to stand up for yourself. That way they can reel you in with their charming tactics, then once they feel you are enamored with them, they stop the charm and you begin to see the real monster inside...by then, it's usually too late to break free completely! There are emotional feelings attached, sometimes children, and the mere fact that they make you get rid of everything in your name, so that you are now dependent on them, making it easier for them to pull you back in, over and over. And once you do manage to break free, you are still very weak from all the emotional or physical abuse, and now you have to endure many months of emotional healing/therapy. I will never stop trying to warn others about these wolves in sheep's clothing! I am sorry to hear you didn't find an answer in God, all I can say is don't give up seeking Him, because once you find Him and totally give yourself to Him, you will experience the most powerful feeling of real peace. And not to mention the fact that He loves you no matter how bad or how stupid our decisions were in the past. He is so forgiving and now I am constantly telling people about all the miracles and wonderful things He has done in my life. I am not trying to change your opinion by any means, only that I too was there at one time, but the bible said to seek with all your heart, soul and mind. So I kept the faith and continued seeking, and He opened doors and put people in my path that ultimately got me out of the horrible, deep, dark, despair that I was in. I hope this helps.... :)Delete
Hi Anon - I'm glad you found what you needed to find.Delete
- AnonymousMay 12, 2013 at 8:52 AM
Hi, RunAbstract here... I just found this re-published Hub (from HubPages.com) today, and was surprised! I didn't realize my little ditty was anywhere other than HubPages, or in the hard copy form available at lulu.com. I'm kind of flattered that it is making the rounds.ReplyDelete
But what also surprised me was the comment section here. WOW! These comments are VERY different from what I received with the original publishing 2 or 3 years ago.
I was at a "it's either laugh or go mad" point and tried to put as much humor in the piece as I could pry from my love/almost hate relationship with my own personal nar....
Here the comments seemed to run with the core of the first comment posted, with the humor (for the most part) left on the sidelines. So the darker side of the situation we deal with when we are involved with this type of personality was the strong factor with your readers.
I found it very interesting comparing these comments to the comments I personally received.
I am a bit amazed you found my little "rant" worthy of republishing on your blog!
Thank you... ?
Hi Run - A couple things: One, I'm super surprised and super happy to see you here - and glad to know you aren't upset that I posted this here. I'm usually really good about asking for permission from authors before I do re-posts and citing everything back to the original source, but in this case I didn't ask for permission first. So I'm both relieved to know you don't mind, and happy that you feel good about the comments it received here.ReplyDelete
I think you might also be happy (and pleasantly surprised?) to know that this is my post that gets hit the most from people searching google, it ends up being the landing page for most everyone that comes here - which I know because I track my stats. I think there were a couple of facebook groups that had linked to this post, so you're making the rounds there as well. Anyway, I really should be thanking you, since this post has attracted so much traffic and as you pointed out, a decent selection of comments.
I recently went back to your original post and read through the comments there and I was surprised to see the flavor of comments there. I would say it seemed to get a warm welcome here as well as on your hub (give or take a few comments - I believe there was one person in particular who did not appreciate your humor so much?) Anyway, I recall when I first found your "rant" and, given the darkness of the situation I found myself in, it provided some welcome light and humor to my state of mind.
So again, thank you.
- AnonymousMay 17, 2013 at 11:04 AM
Hello, i am the scapegoat in my family...my nm has gotten worse since.my dad passed away and she then latched on to my younger sibling the gc....since my dad is not around to give her nsupply, she has been heavily leaning on gc sibling, she acts.like a little girl when she talks to hom feigning helplessness and manipulating to get him more entrenched as her flying monkey. He can do no wrong in her eyes and i beleive this gives him a benefit of feeling adored and valued. Since my dad died the two of them (my nm and gc sibling) have become enmeshed ,my mother heavily milking her feigned helplessness to manipulate him and him acting as her spokesperson and flying monkey. I desperately need specific advice on how to deal with them ESPECIALLY how to deal with the tactics of my flying monkey sibling. She has him so under her control that he acts like some type of patrolman, who tries to monitor and interfere with commumication between my nm and myself. Its become almost imposible to have a basic conversation with nm, because if he is present,he will.listen in and then somtimes he takes the phone away from her orecenting me from talking to her...or other times she will twist my words or a situation around, and maliciously tell gc sibling, who then attacks me for "letting poor mom get upset" help. I need specific advice on how to respond in these situations where my sibling interferes in my own private comunication with my nm...thank youReplyDeleteReplies
Hi Anon,Delete
I think the best advice I can give you is to figure out where your own boundaries are and then stick to them as well as you can - the better you stick to them, the saner you'll feel, though it likely won't do much to control their behaviors, it'll simply give you the space you need to feel emotionally safe. In my experience, dealing with narcs and their flying monkeys was totally and completely draining and time-consuming and in the end, there is nothing you can do to change their behaviors. No amount of crying, pleading, or explaining will get them to stop whatever it is they are doing that is hurting you.
I'm not sure that I can give you specific examples without knowing the specific situations at hand, nor do I think that my specific solutions would necessarily be the be-all, end-all to your relationship struggles with your mother and sibling. But if I were you, I might start by defining my own boundaries: what is acceptable to me and what is not, what is a deal-breaker and what is not, and what are the consequences when my boundaries are broken.
Anon, I wish you the very best of luck and sincerely hope that you have more of it than most of the rest of us here. I wouldn't wish a narcissist on even the worst narcissists I've known.
Anon, since I deal with a Narcissistic Golden Child, who is my younger brother, and two Narcissistic elderly parents, you might want to pop over to my blog and have a read.Delete
Took me a while and a few false starts but I'm now as free as a bird and happier than I've ever been!
- AnonymousJune 2, 2013 at 12:27 PM
My husband never knew his real father he left when he was two. His mom remarried shortly after. She had his yuk sister whom is a profound narcissist. My hubs step dad turned into a horrid beast whom was extremely abusive and controlling. My mom in law just dealt with it and took all the shhhh from that man out of fear I would believe.ReplyDelete
The damage due to the abuse of the STEP DAD...And his mother being extremely enabling and codling to him out of guilt created my husband to be the Narcissist he is today.
It is so damaging and sad these people cannot see past the noses on their faces...and get through the issues and just BE BETTER PEOPLE TO BE AROUND.Replies
"It is so damaging and sad these people cannot see past the noses on their faces...and get through the issues and just BE BETTER PEOPLE TO BE AROUND."Delete
Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes! Whenever I get to thinking about narcissists, I tend to always circle back around to that same conclusion: how fucking lame and sad that these people can't (or won't) do even a little bit of work in order to have better relationships with the most important people in their lives. I've never seen any of them - not a one! - put actual, genuine effort into making the kinds of changes necessary to even begin to heal the deep wounds that THEY have inflicted.
Thanks for your voice anon.
How do I help get my love away from his aging narcisstic mother whose demands are literally impeding his ability to focus on school,career, relationship and has now taken a physical toll on his health? He was hospitalized for a week for serious health issue that his twin bro has had for two years ? After he got of hospital, literally left theER and took his final and got a 100, was inducted to high honor society 3 days later and went back to work. At his party, his mom talked about the twin bro as if he was the only suck child. Her husband died 10 years ago. My bf and I left New Orleans two years ago to get educated. He is the nicest son. Does anything for her. But her demands are out of control. Literally demandibg things like re-roofing the shed. Calling up aunts & uncles & siblings to bitch about him not snapping cutting down trees in her backyard. I'm afraid he will collapse uncoscious one day. He does not have insurance. When he was admitted she sat there on the phone with his brother talking about the fact that he makes no $. The man is a diamond. He is too physically, mentally and financially emotionally weak to deal with all of this awfulness. I do not want to unleash this mammoth reality on him.ReplyDeleteReplies
Hi Fishwaterrock,Delete
I think you may find that herein lies your DH's problem with his FOO: "He is the nicest son. Does anything for you." I applaud him for being a kind person, but he's probably a people-pleaser, which takes "nice" to a whole new level. He probably doesn't know how to say "no," or at the very least, is extremely uncomfortable doing so. It sounds like your DH needs to learn how to set healthy boundaries, and there are any number of good books and internet resources that both he and you could use to start off!
How aware is he of what's going on with his FOO? It is so important that he begins to open his eyes to the "mammoth reality" (as you so aptly put it) or else nothing will change.
- AnonymousJune 18, 2013 at 10:06 AM
If i wasn't totally NC (No Contact) with the ASS... I would so love doing some of these "tips". Just to watch his reaction and enjoy every minute of how pathetic HE is. Love it!Delete
I know we're not supposed to like revenge and all that, but damn it tastes so sweet. Sometimes I too think it would be nice to see them suffer. But then I remember that I'd rather not see them at all, and move on.Delete
- AnonymousJune 20, 2013 at 8:51 AM
So here's a fun one. Grandma raises child of druggie/alcoholic Narc daughter under guardianship. Daughter lies in court and also gets a sympathetic liberal for a case investigator, gets her daughter back at age 10. Grandma tries to point out Narc behavior & it's potential to investigator, is told that if she isn't throwing the child against the wall, she should be an o.k. Parent. These were this kook lady's words. Narc has been playing keepaway cat & mouse games, so now child, who desperately wants Mom to be a good mother, Is caught very painfully in the middle. Her choices are limited to: hurt Grandma or "supply" an evil, irrational mother. Narc took away child's cell phone so all calls & messages are controlled by her. Narc reads and deletes emails because she is so fearful and threatened by good relationship of Grandma and child. Narc mother hasReplyDelete
taken sweet innocent child out of therapy, (Grandma was trying to help her acquire coping tools) saying it's a crock. Grandma can only now hope and pray that the things we've taught her from age 1 will save her from being completely and permanently destroyed.Replies
Hi Anon,Delete
Can it be assumed that you are the grandmother in this tale of woe, since you switched from third person to first person at the very end?
Why is the ten year old's choices limited to "supply" an evil, irrational mother or hurt grandma? How is it that she's hurting grandma, and how is it that she's supplying her mother?
I'm a little suspicious of your story, mostly because the grandparents who find there way here tend to be of the "dailystrength" variety and I'm not a big fan of them. If your daughter is really a narcissist, than you have my pity. But some of the things you have mentioned seem a little off to me and it seems more like you are finding reasons to complain about a daughter you don't have a healthy relationship with and a granddaughter you don't have control over.
If I'm wrong, I apologize in advance.
Your discussion of the topic in third person feels odd to me. And while I understand that there certainly are adult children who are narcissistic, I wonder about your role (if you are, in fact, her mother as I have assumed) in the "making of" a narcissist and whether you would assume any responsibility in it.
It is my belief that narcissists are made, in general, not born.
- AnonymousJune 20, 2013 at 1:17 PM
That's an interesting response. I used 3rd person to clarify our "generational" status, and I suppose it could sound odd. Attempts have been made to repair a conflict-ridden relationship (each including a therapist), but in a nutshell, our daughter resisted being involved and when she did temporarily join into the process became very hostile, each time ending the process herself. What could have caused this? Like a lot of families, there was some dysfunction, but her stories of her childhood are not accurate. We have another daughter who has a strong bond with us, and she is also appalled by her sister's behavior and wild "memories." I don't want to control my granddaughter OR my daughter. I'm happy & busy with other aspects of my life. But my daughter sets up a (grandchild) visit with us, then changes it. She sends email that doesn't seem to be from the child, but is more likely from her. She calls me "unstable." I'm actually pretty calm & level, until I'm being "played." She knows I like to be with the child, and I have tried to help maintain peaceful interactions with her, but I never know who will walk in that door--the sweet & caring daughter, or the one with the nasty, moody, unreasonable attitude. I have told them both I'm stepping back for a little while because the visit I'd looked forward to for 3 months has been rescheduled. Again. So my only option was to step outside the manipulative game. I don't want the child to have to be stuck in the middle, and I want to be free of the game my daughter plays.ReplyDeleteReplies
"Attempts have been made to repair a conflict-ridden relationship (each including a therapist), but in a nutshell, our daughter resisted being involved and when she did temporarily join into the process became very hostile...what could have caused this?"Delete
Perhaps the answer lies within the observation that attempts were being made to repair a "conflict-ridden" relationship. I believe you asked me what might have caused an adult daughter to "become hostile" in the process of being involved in whatever solution you had come up with - I think you answered that question when you said that the relationship had already been conflict-ridden. If she had only a mildly-dysfunctional childhood, why might your relationship with her have been so conflict ridden?
I question your assertion that your daughter's "stories" (memories?) of her childhood were not accurate, which in and of itself is a rather invalidating thing to say, in particular when it's paired with the notion that another daughter who has maintained her "close bond" with you has opinions and a voice that apparently outweigh those of your "nasty, moody, unreasonable" daughter.
Again, I wonder where your responsibility in this lies and whether you'd be willing to bear any of it.
In my family, my truth differs from that of my younger brother for one simple reason: he was treated differently. In dysfunctional families it is common for children to be assigned roles. I was the Caretaker (slave) while, from the day he was born, my brother was the Golden Child and even I treated him that way. These types of families are known for their rigidity in maintaining these roles even as children grow into adulthood, marry and have children of their own.Delete
For years I accepted my role as I was conditioned to do but conflict arose and escalated when I tried to interact with my parents as a grown woman with a husband and family of her own. I was no longer willing or able to follow my assigned role so the relationship either had to change or crumble.
In the process, I lost the close relationship I had with my brother because he was forced by my parents to choose sides. To maintain his status as the Golden Child he HAD to choose the parents that had created the role for him to play or undertake the painful journey that I have had.
Most people don't understand that the journey some of us take toward independence is a journey in search of self. If I had been supported and respected by my parents as I grew and developed as an independent being the ending might have been very different.
I've come to believe that NO ONE takes the decision to turn their back on their parents unless their is a compelling reason. Anonymous, stop making demands of your daughter, you can't change her nor do you have the right. Look in the mirror and you will see the only thing you can change.
I don't give this advice to be unkind. I finally accepted my parents as they are and understood I had no right to expect them to change, so I changed myself. I stopped trying to change them by saying or doing the right thing, accepted that I couldn't live with their constant demands, and walked away. It's hardest thing I've ever done in my life!
- AnonymousSeptember 5, 2013 at 6:22 PM
I'm guessing "grandmother" is the reason that "mother" is coo-coo pants to begin with and "grandmother" needs to just butt out and let "mother" get her own life together. I am also guessing that these therapy sessions turned into blaming the "mother" for everything and the "grandmother" attempted to turn the therapist against the "mother".Delete
Which one is the narcissist again? I forget.
- AnonymousJune 23, 2013 at 9:09 AM
Well, you've put my family in a box and slapped your well-worn label on it. We weren't perfect parents, but we did not raise them in the environment you infer. You say you're a truth-seeker. Understand this, then: there are families struggling with issues and circumstances that may be outside of your typical pattern. There are parents who are Truly stable people , are capable of soul-searching self reflection, and have been good caretakers of their children, but may be dealing with brain chemical issues, damage from substance abuse, or something else. I am not qualified to assess what this is, but I do know it's not something I caused through abuse, neglect, or "preference" of our older child. Whatever this emotional deficit is, it's difficult and painful. Whatever it is, it is nobody's fault. I don't know who fits your "dailystrength" label, whatever that means, but your tone is at times very condescending. I believe communication is important, and maybe these posts will be helpful to another reader, but if I wanted blaming and finger-pointing, I'd have had a conversation with my daughter. She has that activity figured out pretty well.ReplyDeleteReplies
"We weren't perfect parents..."Delete
I've seen that phrase one too many times, and it only ever comes out of the mouths of those who are or were abusive on some level. I doubt very much that your children expected you to be perfect, only that you give them the space and respect needed to grow as individuals. I wonder now, even more than before, if that in fact happened.
I don't know the details of your story and I feel that's where the truth is. You say I have spoken in a condescending way, I disagree and I submit that it's actually you who are now speaking down to me. Coming to my blog, asking me for answers, and then telling me that the answers I've offered are wrong is not exactly taking the high road. If you don't want my opinion then don't ask for it.
I have a feeling you are not the "helpless, hopeless, victimized" person you initially showed up as.
- AnonymousJune 23, 2013 at 1:58 PM
I'm not helpless nor am I hopeless, only sad for this Grandchild and I wish this family could have somehow avoided what has been an awful experience. I am looking for clarity, not labels. Our children had a much better childhood than most, and no, they were not abused. They were valued. But one of them would not (or could not) abide by simple and reasonable expectations meant to keep her safe. For example, parents have every right to know young teens' whereabouts, who they're with, and so they won't worry, what time you plan to return home. She could not be respectful, and for a time insisted on calling me by my first name. No consequence given would teach her anything whatsoever. Our other girl, although challenging us occasionally, was generally more responsible and courteous on these basics. I respect individuality, but being a doormat for a 15-year-old is not acceptable. It is just interesting to me that your immediate response was parental cluelessness. Maybe that's just our world now. I'll just be looking elsewhere for insight.ReplyDeleteReplies
Go for it.Delete
- AnonymousOctober 20, 2013 at 12:52 PM
I must say my "Mother" said the same thing about me that you are saying about your daughter. I'm not going to let an "out of control teen rule my life" blah,blah, blah she would say. She blamed me because I was "bad" cause I had to sneak to shave my legs at 13 years old, before then kids would make fun of because I have PCOS ( a genetic hormonal disorder that leaves women very hairy). Or how I couldn't have friends, NONE of my friends were "good enough".Yet my sister (who also was the "less challanging one") had gangbanger friends and boyfriend( that missed thier prom cause he was in jail in Chicago, he got caught with a gun ). My friends were not into that other b.s. for my "mother" to just single me out was wrong. My "Mother" denied me "normal" rites of passage so I did what ANY normal person who is fighting for their identity would do, go behind her back. But in her eyes, I was the problem, her unrealistic expectations and double standards were not the issue.Delete
See, your typical "we weren't perfect parents but we had reasonable expectations for our child and she's to blame for being a narcissist. We have proof because our other child is respectful."ReplyDelete
Um... I think these people will never get it. They need to blame their kid for their own parental failings. Sad.Replies
It's always about the blame game. I certainly don't see this woman taking any responsibility for anything.Delete
- AnonymousSeptember 2, 2013 at 9:21 PM
everyone pile into your cars, and drive at least 80 miles in the other direction and find a boggy, secluded swamp where you can peacefully continue the party.ReplyDelete
One party goer will have to be sacrificed at this time.
- AnonymousSeptember 5, 2013 at 6:13 PM
If only I could master that talking without breathing thing, I would be golden. LOL Very good article.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousOctober 3, 2013 at 8:08 AM
Please please can we bring this NPD to greater light. It needs to be on the front page of every decent newspaper. If only it was legal to throttle your parents to death if they demonstrate child abuse. I know this legal right in itself would be abused here or there but what an incentive for parents to brush up or not even procreate if they are not up to the role. On the other hand i guess there would be a lot of murdered children as an act of covering the evidence. Sick world...ReplyDeleteReplies
Anon, while I do agree that bringing NPD even more into the light would be a benefit to many survivors of abuse, I can't say I agree with you that it should be legal to "throttle your parents to death if they demonstrate child abuse." I don't know if this is a sort of tongue-in-cheek metaphor you've got going on here, or whether you're in fact serious about it, but I doubt most people could (or would) actually murder their parents, even if the law allowed them to do so. I don't know if you're aware, but intentionally murdering someone is KIND of an unconscionable act and knowing the ACoNs that I know, I seriously doubt any of them could actually do that. It sort of goes against the whole "empathy" thing, if ya know what I mean.Delete
yeah.. in addition, i do believe that N person wont change no matter how much we try to please them or do good things to them. I am a victim of one and ill tell you all, it really sucks to live with the kind of person. I feel emotionally battered knowing he doesn't even care for my emotions and even any of my decisions he would never beg to agree. Now i am free from him and i feel better of this way. With no one to control over my emotions! with no one to hurt me so bad with his sword-like tongue! and with no one to imprisoned me with all his demands and wants! Now i can finally breathe, love myself more, and enjoy life to the fullest.!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousAugust 19, 2014 at 7:28 AM
I babysit a child who seems to have inappropriate reactions to certain situations. For example, when our puppy was injured and bleeding very badly, this child began to giggle and laugh.ReplyDeleteReplies
That is disturbing.Delete
- AnonymousFebruary 4, 2015 at 5:46 AM
"For example, when our puppy was injured and bleeding very badly, this child began to giggle and laugh."............... See Psalm 58:3-5Delete


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I try to post this once a year or so, because most of the people who read my blog also play in the dirt, and with playing in the dirt comes minor injuries that you really don't want to turn into anything nasty. So, if you haven't had a tetanus booster in the last decade, or don't remember having one, now is the time to get updated. Tetanus is not avoidable by good health practices, boosting your immune system, etc… – it is caused by a bacteria in the soil entering into your body through a wound – often wounds so small it would never occur to you that it could threaten your life. You should get one. So should your kids.
You should ESPECIALLY keep up to date if you farm or garden in any way, since contact with animal manures ups your risk. Agricultural workers who have failed to keep their vaccinated updated are the most likely people to get tetanus – and tetanus is one of the most horrible, painful diseases you can imagine, with a 10-20% death rate.
I try to stay out of the vaccine wars myself, there are plenty of people on this site who sing that song. For the record, I personally feel that if you really believe the world is going to change radically, keeping up to date on your vaccinations generally is a simple, commonsense way to keep lifespans long and kids healthy, but what I mostly feel obligated to do, as someone who advocates widespread involvement in farming is remind everyone to get their tetanus shots. As long as I'm increasing your risk by telling you to go out and play in the dirt, I want you safe.
The last time this came up, I was alerted to the fact that British guidelines are different – that the British emphasis is not on an "every 10 years" schedule, but on total number of vaccinations, so additional jabs may not be available to British adults – as long as you are sure you had all of the recommended doses, you should be up to date.
Who should not be vaccinated according to the CDC – a comparatively small number of people. We do not want to go back to the days when a tiny cut could lead to lock jaw. BTW, vaccinate your animals for tetanus as well – they don't deserve it either!

subset: commoncrawl


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Colin Kaepernick isn't standing for the national anthem before football games. You know the story, you have heard the arguments, you have watched the TV pundits faint at the "outrageous!!!!!" comments of whichever fellow time-filler happens to be babbling alongside them on the panel.
Some are upset that he is making a political statement by not standing for the anthem. Guess what: Standing for the anthem is also a political statement. The anthem represents a country, and by saluting it, you are embracing that country on some level. If the act of saluting has no connection to the country and therefore to politics, should American athletes also salute the anthems of other countries? If they did, I bet those hounding Kaepernick would be furious.
Some are upset that someone who is "just" an athlete is making such a statement. "No one looks to Colin Kaepernick for social commentary," that sort of thing. I too sometimes roll my eyes at "commentary" from celebrities. I love DiCaprio as an actor, but scamper for the remote when he is interviewed so I won't witness his puerility.
That said, those standing for the anthem are also *just* athletes making a political statement. If statements are wrong when the come from those who are "only" athletes, then athletes hailing the anthem - a political statement - is also problematic. One could credibly say, "Who are we to trivialize what the military does by incorporating it into a mere football game?"
When athletes raise money for military or police charities, no one says, "Shut up! You're just an athlete."
I have heard complaints that Kaepernick shouldn't talk as he does because he makes mega money. What does his salary have to do with it? If he was sitting to protest being underpaid, it'd be one thing. But he isn't - he is sitting because he feels elements of society are unjust. He didn't bring money into it, his critics did.
On a sidenote, I expect Blaine Gabbert to start sitting too. Not during the anthem, during the game, because he is, well, Blaine Gabbert.
On Twitter: @greatmikepayne
Sunday, September 18, 2016
The only blog you need to read about Colin Kaepernick
Posted by Mike Payne (comedian/writer) at Sunday, September 18, 2016
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During the Oscar nominations announcement Tuesday morning, host Tiffany Haddish made some charming mistakes in her attempts to pronounce "Get Out" star Daniel Kaluuya's last name as she was reading off the nominees for best supporting actor.
"Daniel Kaluwa! Kallelujah!" she exclaimed, as co-host Andy Serkis tried to help her out. (It's pronounced Kah-LU-Yah.)
"You know it," Haddish finally said. "He know his name."
The flub wasn't her only pronunciation error. But fans didn't seem to mind.


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Turned wooden lime box
This wooden box has been turned from a piece of lime. I have made the box and the lid from the same piece of wood to match the colour and so the grain can be lined up. I have finished the wood with 3 coats of oil. The overall height of the box is 59mm, and it is 47mm diameter.
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This item will be posted to you by A S Woodcrafts within 3 days of receiving payment.
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You have 14 days, from receipt, to notify the seller if you wish to cancel your order or exchange an item.
Unless faulty, the following types of items are non-refundable: items that are personalised, bespoke or made-to-order to your specific requirements; items which deteriorate quickly (e.g. food), personal items sold with a hygiene seal (cosmetics, underwear) in instances where the seal is broken.


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Christina Milian performs in San Diego
Christina Milian's dream of rivaling the Kardashian brand were cruelly snatched from underneath her dainty feet when E! officially pulled the plug on her short lived reality series.
Christina confirmed on her Snapchat that E! declined to pick up 'Christina Milian: Turned Up' for a third season. Christina's career never stays on the skids for long though. She is playing Magenta in the new Rocky Horror picture show and she still gets invites to perform her 15-year-old hits at the odd nightclub here and there. This week, she performed 'AM to PM', 'Whatever U Want', 'Say I', 'Dip It Low', 'Do It' and 'Like Me' at Rich's nightclub in San Diego. She turned 35 recently but at what age do you stop performing songs you released at 19? Then again, Britney still performs 'Baby One More Time' and 'Oops' which have become iconic hits, but they were so huge, fans would protest if she attempted to skip them. I just don't get Christina's reasoning for performing 'AM to PM' in 2016. Anyway, check out some fan footage from her entire set below.


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Marvel has sent Major Spoilers the covers to the upcoming Marvel: 1985 #1 that arrives May 14, 2008.
MARVEL 1985 #1 (of 6) (MAR082192)
MARVEL 1985 #1 (of 6) EDWARDS VARIANT (MAR082193)
Written by MARK MILLAR
Art by TOMMY LEE EDWARDS
50/50 Covers by JIM CHEUNG
Variant Cover by TOMMY LEE EDWARDS
With one cover featuring the Marvel's greatest heroes, and another featuring Marvel's greatest villains, these two covers connect to form a powerful vision of the Marvel Universe!
10 Comments
I'm going to wait for the trade on this… but, this is stinking awesome.
Neat cover. The concept seems a little overbaked (Last Comic Hero?) but it could be interesting.
Maybe Skurge the Executioner will show up?
Er, hey…wasn't Magneto helmetless and not a villain in 1985?
Mark I.: Shhh. You're ruining it…
Ah, the good ol' days. Back before Spidey made deals with the devil and Iron Man was a tool …
Ok, but who is the kid?
I'm as nostalgic as any comic fan, but this seems a bit forced. Didn't they already do Secret Wars II?
Still, a cool cover….
In 1985 Magneto was still a bad guy – Secret Wars (the first series) was still being published, and during that series, although he was placed in the side of the heroes, he was still considered a villain. After Secret Wars 2 Magneto officially joined the side of the angels.
yo who the kid
spidey all the way


text: Crisield Eastern Shore Communities Celebrate National Night Out By Don Rush • Aug 7, 2012 Salisbury Police Website It's National Night Out. And cities across the county are celebrating the event that marks the fight against crime. It's sponsored by the National Association of Town Watch. On the Lower Eastern Shore there are a number of cities participating this year ranging from Salisbury and Crisfield to Pocomoke, Snow Hill and Ocean City. Col. Ivan Barkley with the Salisbury Police Department says this is a way for the community and law enforcement to get together.


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There has been a lot of chatter about Google's latest attempt to clean up its search results. The "Fred" update hit on or around the 8th of March 2017 and ever since experts have been debating about what was the main aim and who are the victims: SEO Round Table, Web Text Tool, Cognitive SEO as just a few examples.
So for people who can't bothered reading a load of bluster and bullshit here is the short version. Google doesn't want any website helping a business make money other than Google. That ladies and gentlemen is what the Google Fred Update is all about. As I may have mentioned once or twice already in the near past the website affiliate game is dead, either own your own product OR find a way of reaching an audience that doesn't involve web search….both preferably. Relying on Google for anything other than lining their own pockets is a mugs game. Google will not be happy until EVERY business that wants to promote a product or service online has no other advertising partners other than Google. The way they achieve this is to heap ever more pain on websites with affiliate links/advertising which in turn limits the effectiveness for businesses of running an affiliate/3rd party advertising program. Much easier to bung another 10 grand a day on Adwords!


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BT looks set to begin trials of its G.Fast broadband, with reports suggesting it could help to provide premises with connectivity of up to 500Mbps.
Residential properties in Huntingdon and Gosport will be the first to test the new technology, with a smaller trial also taking place in Swansea.
According to ISPreview, the technology is largely in line with the Fibre-to-the-Cabinet (FTTC) systems responsible for boosting speeds over the last few years, but offers a wide frequency band that allows the processing of more data at faster rates.
While there are hopes that the new technology can help to achieve top speeds of 500Mbps, connections could in reality be capped at 300Mbps.
Currently, the top speed of FTTC systems tends to hover around 80Mbps, meaning this latest advance would be a major boost.
However, if the trials are successful, there could be a more extensive rollout of the technology from 2016 as part of wider plans from Openreach.


text: IFPCI(4) BSD Kernel Interfaces Manual IFPCI(4) NAME ifpci -- AVM Fritz!PCI ISDN card driver SYNOPSIS ifpci* at pci? DESCRIPTION The ifpci driver supports the popular Fritz!PCI card from AVM. While this card uses the same brand as its predecessors, those use a different chipset and are driven by the isic(4) driver. The PCI subsystem configures the card automatically, there are no options for the driver. SEE ALSO isic(4), isdnd(8) STANDARDS CCITT Recommendation I.430 AUTHORS The ifpci driver was written by Gary Jennejohn for FreeBSD. It was ported to NetBSD by Martin Husemann <email@example.com>. BSD March 25, 2002 BSD


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Conceptualizing and investigating teachers' knowledge for integrating content and language in content-based instruction
MyBook is a cheap paperback edition of the original book and will be sold at uniform, low price.
The full text of this article is not currently available.
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Baecher, L. , Farnsworth, T. , & Ediger, A
(2014) The challenges of planning language objectives in content-based ESL instruction. Language Teaching Research, 18(1), 118–136. doi: 10.1177/1362168813505381
Ball, D.L. , Thames, M.H. , & Phelps, G.C
(2008) Content knowledge for teaching: What makes it special?Journal of Teacher Education, 59(5), 389–407. doi: 10.1177/0022487108324554
Berry, A. , Loughran, J. , & van Driel, J.H
(2008) Revisiting the roots of pedagogical content knowledge. International Journal of Science Education, 30(10), 1271–1279. doi: 10.1080/09500690801998885
Cammarata, L. , & Tedick, D.J
(2012) Balancing content and language in instruction: The experience of immersion teachers, The Modern Language Journal, 96(2), 251–269. doi: 10.1111/j.1540‑4781.2012.01330.x
Cenoz, J
(2015) Content-based instruction and content and language integrated learning: The same or different?Language, Culture and Curriculum, 28(1), 8–24. doi: 10.1080/07908318.2014.1000922
Cenoz, J. , Genesee, F. , & Gorter, D
(2014) Critical analysis of CLIL: Taking stock and looking forward. Applied Linguistics, 35(3), 243–262. doi: 10.1093/applin/amt011
Hodgen, J
(2011) Knowing and identity: A situated theory of mathematics knowledge in teaching. In T. Rowland & K. Ruthven (Eds.), Mathematical knowledge in teaching (pp.27–42). Dordrecht: Springer/Kluwer. doi: 10.1007/978‑90‑481‑9766‑8_3
Hüttner, J. , Dalton-Puffer, C. , & Smit, U
(2013) The power of beliefs: Lay theories and their influence on the implementation of CLIL programmes. International Journal of Bilingual Education and Bilingualism, 16(3), 267–284. doi: 10.1080/13670050.2013.777385
Kelle, U
(2005) "Emergence" vs. "forcing" of empirical data: A crucial problem of "grounded theory" reconsidered. Forum: Qualitative Social Research, 6. Retrieved fromwww.qualitative-research.net/index.php/fqs/article/view/467
Korthagen, F.A.J
(2010) Situated learning theory and the pedagogy of teacher education: Towards an integrative view of teacher behaviour and teacher learning. Teaching and Teacher Education, 26(1), 98–106. doi: 10.1016/j.tate.2009.05.001
Lemke, J.L
(1990) Talking science: Language, learning and values. Norwood, NJ: Ablex.
Lin, A.M.Y
(2015) Conceptualising the potential role of L1 in CLIL. Language, Culture and Curriculum, 28(1), 74–89. doi: 10.1080/07908318.2014.1000926
Loughran, J. , Mulhall, P. , & Berry, A
(2004) In search of pedagogical content knowledge in science: Developing ways of articulating and documenting professional practice. Journal of Research in Science Teaching, 41(4), 370–391. doi: 10.1002/tea.20007
Love, K
(2009) Literacy pedagogical content knowledge in secondary teacher education: Reflecting on oral language and learning across the disciplines. Language and Education, 23(6), 541–560. doi: 10.1080/09500780902822942
Lyster, R
(2007) Learning and teaching languages through content: A counterbalanced approach. Amsterdam: John Benjamins. doi: 10.1075/lllt.18
Moore, P. , & Lorenzo, F
(2007) Adapting authentic materials for CLIL classrooms: An empirical study. VIEWZ: Vienna English Working Papers, 16, 28–35. Retrieved fromhttps://anglistik.univie.ac.at/research/views/archive/
Mortimer, E.F. , & Scott, P.H
(2003) Meaning making in secondary science classrooms. Maidenhead, UK: Open University Press.
Pérez Cañado, M.L
(2014) Teacher training needs for bilingual education: In-service teacher perceptions. International Journal of Bilingual Education and Bilingualism, 19(3), 266–295. doi: 10.1080/13670050.2014.980778
Richards, K
(2006) 'Being the teacher': Identity and classroom conversation. Applied Linguistics, 27(1), 51–77. doi: 10.1093/applin/ami041
Shulman, L
(1987) Knowledge and teaching: Foundations of the new reform. Harvard Educational Review, 57, 1–22. doi: 10.17763/haer.57.1.j463w79r56455411
Speer, N.M
(2005) Issues of methods and theory in the study of mathematics teachers' professed and attributed beliefs. Educational Studies in Mathematics, 58(3), 361–391. doi: 10.1007/s10649‑005‑2745‑0
Tan, M
(2011) Mathematics and science teachers' beliefs and practices regarding the teaching of language in content learning. Language Teaching Research, 15(3), 325–342. doi: 10.1177/1362168811401153
Tedick, D.J. , Christian, D. , & Fortune, T.W
(2011) The future of immersion education: An invitation to 'dwell in possibility'. In D.J. Tedick , D. Christian , & T.W. Fortune (Eds.), Immersion education: Practices, policies, possibilities (pp.1–10). Bristol, England: Multilingual Matters.


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In today's transparent, always-on, highly competitive marketplace, savvy retailers are quickly adopting "the best technology so far" to compete strongly in the pricing arena. Price optimization software melds big data, science, and historical information to help retailers price millions of SKUs, product-by-product, in the most accurate, timely, and profitable way. Essential components of price optimization solutions are predictive analytics (using accumulated historical behavior to predict and project successful pricing); dynamic pricing; and competitive price analysis.
With regard to competitor's prices, other retailers' price behaviors are always relevant to what you do. For example, if a competitor is beating your prices, you'll know that you may not realize the increased sales you expected; or, if you see that a competitor has increased his/her prices, you may benefit from having a lower price).
What price optimization empowers the retailer to do:
1. Use science to turn big data into actionable insights.
2. Base pricing decisions on the most accurate data available.
3. Anticipate and merge customer needs and market trends.
4. Manage inventory in a principled, logical way.
5. Adjust prices for maximum profitability on an as-needed basis, in real time.
6. Understand the lifetime value of products.
7. Allow automatic price adjustments at the desired level of control.
8. Have full control within the rules, including guardrails to keep prices from spiraling out of control.
9. Move and manage inventory more efficiently and effectively.
10. Make shoppers feel their favorite brands are delivering value.
11. Control and manage the need for markdowns and promotions.
12. Provide consistency across the omni-channel.
13. Prioritize your most timely goals while keeping the next priorities ready to go.
14. Ensure alignment with business goals by giving power and information to different departments and levels of responsibility.
The ideal price optimization solution provider has:
* Powerful tools, simplified operations.
* Solutions, out-of-the-box pre-integrated.
* A lot of experience gained from working with, listening to, and supporting numerous clients.
* The ability to analyze your data, share valuable insights, and help engineer the outcomes of your stated objectives.
* An unimpeachable ethic to protect your proprietary data.
* Assistance to help you strategize and implement.
* A customer success team that can smooth the adoption curve for you.
* The dedication to help you explore additional pricing opportunities.
* The ideal price optimization vendor has all their solutions under one roof, is a one-stop-shop for all your critical pricing automation; and a no hassle, dedicated customer success team to help with all your needs and questions.
Finally, the "proof of the pudding" to anyone who wants to see how an optimization solution actually works, is a demo by the vendor, using your own current data.
Bottom line for your bottom line
Enterprise retailers are finding that the path to effective pricing is found by combining the insights of science with big data of historic value, data of your company, and data of your competitors to reveal the biggest profit possibilities for each of your products.
By integrating predictive and dynamic pricing solutions, competitive data, and the company's honed knowledge, retailers can anticipate consumer needs, adjust prices on an as-needed basis, and find the most profitable pricing. The key to achieving these strategic objectives is to react appropriately and objectively, in a timely manner. Price optimization helps do this.
When retailers were slow, initially, to adopt these tools, it was attributed to fear of the unknown; reluctance to give up old ways and infrastructures; entitled attitude that price was "too precious a commodity" to be entrusted to someone else (including machines); and a desire, by some, who thought they could do it better themselves.
So, as with many innovations and disruptions of our modern times, retailers who wonder why they didn't "do it sooner" -- are eagerly joining THE RACE TO THE TOP -- thanks to the latest price optimization technology.


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The 53-foot-long, 32-ton PGA Tour Rolling Club House is the centerpiece of Kraft's "Rise & Roll With DiGiorno" integrated marketing campaign, the largest-ever on-site effort for the line of frozen pizza.
"Rise & Roll" first hit the road in March with the Club House, plus two traveling pizzerias and a hot-air balloon shaped like a pizza. The pizzeria vehicles distribute hot pizza samples and coupons.
The PGA Tour Rolling Club House offers an array of golf-related activities including a computerized golf swing analyzer for kids as well as adults, a 3-D golf game, Internet access and hands-on golf tips from experts.
The Club House is visiting more than 40 cities this year, including all major PGA Tour events, but it also goes to supermarkets, fairs, festivals and other public events off the tour route, fulfilling the goal of the PGA Tour to expose wider audiences, including children, to golf.
"Working with DiGiorno presented an ideal way to expose the game of golf to a broader audience including kids, and it's already achieving the goal in a fun and interactive way," said Tom Wade, PGA Tour senior VP-corporate marketing and new business.
Within seven months, more than 250,000 consumers had been through the Club House, exceeding Kraft's goal of 100,000 for the year.
A key to the effort's success has been the involvement of Kraft's direct sales force in local markets, said John Bikus, associate brand manager on the DiGiorno Rising Crust Pizza brand at Kraft's pizza division.
"The local sales force in each market is heavily involved in our visit to the area, and as a result, we get to the right events and the right stores," he said. "Our own sales people come up with some of the best ideas of how to utilize the Club House."
The Club House has put in an appearance at about 10 PGA Tour stops, often in conjunction with a DiGiorno mobile pizzeria. The pizza vehicle dispenses samples as the 92-foot-wide pizza balloon -- with its 10-foot pepperonis and 61/2-foot olives -- drifts overhead. Kraft expects to dispense more than 600,000 pizza samples during the "Rise & Roll" tour.
Elsewhere, the two mobile pizzerias split up, hitting different events within one market; the hot-air balloon also has its own itinerary, visiting some locations where on-site sampling is impossible.
In some markets, the "Rise & Roll" tour has executed cross-couponing efforts for the DiGiorno line of pasta and sauces, but the tour is primarily focused on the pizza line.
"The goal is to use integrated marketing, on-site marketing and advertising to reach as many consumers as possible at once," Mr. Bikus said.
The tour ends next month and will resume next year.
The cooperation of several different agencies on the DiGiorno integrated marketing effort also has been crucial, Mr. Bikus said, adding, "It takes constant cooperation and teamwork across a variety of agencies to make something like this click."
Foote, Cone & Belding, Chicago, is DiGiorno's primary ad agency, and creator of its theme line, "It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno." Davidson Marketing, Chicago, handles promotions; Bozell Sawyer Miller Group, New York, handles publicity for the effort; GMR Marketing, Brookfield, Wis., created the vehicles; and California Dreamin', San Diego, handles the balloon.
Kraft also markets Tombstone pizza, the No. 1 frozen pizza with a 17% share, but the company says the $200 million DiGiorno line is rapidly gaining on the longtime leader, already claiming a 14% share since its 1996 introduction.
PGA Tour officials say targeting families has become an important objective and future sponsorship efforts may involve more activities for children, though no specifics have been revealed.
Current PGA Tour sponsors include Anheuser-Busch, Bank of America, General Motors Corp.'s Buick and Charles Schwab & Co., each with various levels of on-site marketing at PGA Tour events.


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Marketing Matters: Getting on the right track
In the post-ACA world, getting serious about marketing is a must-do. In my new marketing blog, I'll explain the three steps post-acute providers can take to get their marketing on the right track, and enable them to compete better than ever before.
Next month's blog will discuss how to automate marketing to make it a more seamless process.
Pam Selker Rak is the president and founder of CommuniTech LLC. To learn more, download a free guide, "Three Steps To Getting Serious About Marketing."


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7 shocking things you absolutely must know before visiting Korea
Visiting another country or living abroad can be the experience of a lifetime, however, no matter how much you are in love with a country, there are bound to be things that might take some getting use to. Here are 7 things that you may encounter during your stay in Korea that might surprise, shock, or perhaps even disturb you!
1. Public displays of affection?
Every culture has its own definition of "personal space" accompanied by various rules, etiquettes, and customs meant to define those boundaries. South Korea is, of course, no exception, however, if you come from a place where casual physical contact is a cultural faux pas, or if you just prefer to guard your own personal space judiciously, this one will definitely take some getting use to! It is not uncommon in Korea to find people hand in hand (or even arm in arm) walking, shopping, and even relaxing. Now I know you might be thinking that this is natural for couples out on a date, but the majority of such public displays of affection are commonly found between same sex friends showing off their platonic fondness for each other. Both Korean women and men, of varying ages (although more common in youth) are not afraid to show off some psychical bonding when out with friends and having a good time. So if your new Korean bff throws an arm around you while you are looking for a place to eat, it might just be the start of a great friendship and not an attempt at harassment.
2. Sharing is caring?
As many of you may already know, food in Korea is a very communal activity. With all those amazing side dishes laid out, when the main dish arrives on a single steaming large plate or a bubbling pot, many visitors' first instinct will be to reach for the serving spoon. However, don't be dismayed if you cannot find one! More often than not, Korean food is meant to be shared with all those present at the table, and, yes, with the very spoons and chopsticks that will be put in your mouth. I know that all of you who have been taught never to double dip just cringed, but dipping the same utensils you use to eat over and over into the same soup or dish everyone is having is the cultural norm in Korea! If you really can't stand the thought of sharing more than food with those sitting next to you, you can always ask for a bowl or plate to serve yourself before everyone else digs in.
3. Am I in the wrong bathroom?
In Korea, most public restrooms have designated janitors, which almost always seems to be an ahjuma (older woman). This can be quite distressful for some (especially men) who are trying to take care of business when seemingly out of nowhere a woman with a mop casually walks in and begins to clean. While this might shock you the first time it happens, these nice ladies are just doing their job! Oh, and ladies, have no fear, you won't find men cleaning your restrooms!
4. To squat…or not to squat…
If camping has been your worst nightmare because of, well, the saying "squatting in the woods," this next one might be visiting you in your dreams. While most restrooms in major cities and tourist destinations have been updated to feature Western amenities, it is not rare to come across more traditional facilities of the squatting variety when traveling around Korea. If you have never used one of these before, it really is just as it sounds, but sometimes you might be lucky and find an educational image to guide you in its correct usage.
5. How long is long enough?
In some bathrooms in Korea you will find that there is no toilet paper in the stalls. You might frantically search around while wondering how people could go to the bathroom without it. Shock will likely change to horror, if in your panic state you manage to recall that you passed by something that resembled a toilet paper dispenser outside of the stalls, especially if you didn't realize this until after business was taken care of. While more common outside of the city, many bathrooms have the toilet paper set up outside (usually by the entrance) so that people can grab their share before entering the stalls. You might be wondering, "what if I need more?" Many Koreans carry around some tissue paper with them just for this reason! Plus, there is no guarantee that the toilet paper roll was replaced in time for your visit! As they say, it's better to be prepared than caught with your pants down.
6.Throw out what? Where?!
This one follows very closely on the heels of #5. Now that you have finished what you came to do and you even remembered your toilet paper, what do you do next? The answer is seemingly simple, right? No. In Korea, it is not rare to come across signs forbidding, or even pleading, visitors not to flush down the toilet paper! You might be confused and wondering, "wasn't toilet paper made specifically to be flushed down the toilet?" However, while most new restrooms have been made to handle what has now come to be common practice, some older pipes in Korea are not equipped to handle the additional load. In such restrooms, you will likely find a sign instructing you to throw out the used paper in the trashcan next to you. I know that some of you might ignore such signage and flush away, but do so at your own risk. You might end up with a bigger mess than a wastebasket full of used paper!
7. Soap on a stick?
When you thought that nothing about a Korean bathroom would shock you anymore, here comes #7! Soap and bathrooms are a seemingly straight forward combination, right? Well, while most of us are used to seeing liquid soap dispensers on the wall, or even the occasional bar of soap by the sink in public restrooms, Korea presents the hybrid: a bar of soap on a stick coming out of the wall! While this creation itself is enough to surprise many a bathroom goer, some bathrooms in Korea don't stock soap at all. Once again, this is something many Koreans carry with them. Dry soap sheets can be found easily all over Korea and is an item you should make sure to always have with you just in case!
Which one of these shocking facts do you think you would have the hardest time getting use to? Have you personally run across anything in Korea that shocked you?
Marriage Contract
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HIVES Project
The HIVES Project wants to deal with the main challenges in the field of entrepreneurial innovation in the IPA Adriatic area: low R&D investments,low propensity among SME to collaborate on knowledge transfer projects and public private partnerships; low attractiveness of talent and high qualified resources, poor access to funding sources for research and lack of venture capital.
HIVES promotes the support of an Adriatic area of evolution to an innovation friendly and smart ecosystem and to boost research and innovation capacities as well as fostering innovation in SMEs.
The project is based on past IPA Projects that featured innovative platforms of data and knowledge aggregation. This HIVES aims at consolidating in an unique Digital Business Ecosystem the operational tools generated by 4 different projects: Zoone, Clusters Club, Ipatech, Next.
The coordination effort promoted by HIVES will culminate in the creation of a Hub, the EUSAIR Innovation HUB, as a unique formalized "system" of territorial organizations and innovation services providers, able to perform as platform of scaled up systemic internal and external cooperation.


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With the growing use of Mobile banking, people are compelled to use the Mobile Apps, but they forget the security option behind it at times. Mobile apps, do provide a lot of benefit, but if it lacks proper testing, validation, security testing, it is bound to fail. Recently SCB has launched updates on their mobile app.
People were having mixed views about (positive) Finger print logging in to mobile app, and (negative) Secure keyboard (which doesn't have special characters), since SCB representative has responded to me, that their change password process does not allow to have special characters. When inquired with different colleagues, who have special characters already in their password, they are completely left out from the new update of SCB new mobile app update, since secure keyboard doesn't have any special character support. Untill SCB decides to update their app with some support for special characters, here is the solution they can count on.
- Install your favorite browser, which can be chrome, firefox. opera. I have chosen to work with FireFox.
- Once installed, open the browser, and open private / in cognito window, and search on google for Sc.com/pk
- Login to SC.com/pk LOGIN Screen.
- SCB has updated their mobile app to such an extent, that their screen now show mobile interface as well as desktop interface.
The difference between mobile and desktop is that in mobile, you can't add beneficiary, while in Desktop you can.
Perform your transactions, and then log out.
As an added benefit, UN install your browser to flush the traces of your banking.
SC usually corresponds to twitter on @StanchartHelp twitter handle and they have region wise on line presence on social media too. Let's see when they update their app to incorporate the user which already have special characters in their password. Untill then, users who want to use their mobile, may continue the browser approach.


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Track and Monitor Patient Health with
When you practice medicine, you only get a snapshot of your
patients' overall health habits the few times a year they come to your
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better method of monitoring patient health year-round?
In a study we conducted, only one-third of
senior-level healthcare professionals reported that they use surveys to
monitor patient diet and health habits—despite the fact that 86% of
patients say they fill out the healthcare surveys their providers send
to them. Since patients are willing to take your surveys, stay in touch
with them throughout the year to give them the treatment they deserve,
and the data control your healthcare
organisation needs.
How to use surveys to track patient health
Check up on patients and monitor patient health with our sample
patient tracking surveys, written by our survey scientists. For
example, if you put one of your patients on a new exercise and diet
regimen to lower their cholesterol, you can monitor how well the
patient is doing by sending them a diet and exercise survey every few
months. Here are more ways health monitoring surveys can keep patients
happy, healthy, and loyal to you.
Post-Visit Patient Satisfaction
Follow up with patients to see how they
experienced their last appointment, so you can
find out if they felt their concerns were
addressed, if they were treated well, and
Height and Weight Template
Monitor your patients' weight and health
changes throughout the year with this
survey—this is also a great tool for dieticians
and fitness trainers.
Free Healthcare Survey Guide
Ways to use surveys to monitor patient health
There are lots of ways to use example health and fitness
questionnaires to track patient wellness. Ask sample healthcare survey
questions to get at important patient health information.
Track diet and exercise habits
The food people eat and the amount they exercise can have a dramatic
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on a frequent basis, keep track of any diet and exercise
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living—by having them fill out a diet and exercise questionnaire.
You can even ask patients to enter in the data from their fitness
tracker or wearable device (e.g., Fitbit, Jawbone) to make it even
easier to get a sense of how active patients are throughout the
Monitor patient prescriptions
If you've prescribed medications to your patients, you may be
concerned about adverse effects or dose adjustments. Check in with
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Find out if your patients are at-risk for second-hand smoke
Smoking has been linked to numerous health problems, and certain
patients may have sensitivities to second-hand smoke. Use our sample
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smokes, if the patient lives with smokers, and if a patient has a
history of tobacco use.
Ask sensitive questions about personal hygiene
As a medical provider, knowing your patients' personal hygiene
habits can shed light on health or dental problems they may be having.
However, patients may feel embarrassed to talk about their routines in
person, so give them a confidential format to submit their information.
Find out if they wash their hands frequently, if they use hand
sanitizer, and how often they bathe and brush their teeth with an
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Monitoring patient health is secure and
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SurveyMonkey offers many options for healthcare pros
Tracking patient health is just one way that SurveyMonkey can help
you monitor patient health and keep up with your patients when they're
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improve your medical organisation with example healthcare survey
Employee and staff management
Treating and keeping up with patients alone is a full-time job, but
if you're in charge of a health clinic, you also have the extra work of
making sure your staff work well together, and that they're satisfied
with their work environment. Do you know if your employees are happy at
the workplace? Are there concerns that they're not communicating? Use a
employee engagement survey to find out.
Use surveys to conduct medical research
Medical research is a
critical component for healthcare providers. For example, you may want
to reach out to other medical industry colleagues to learn if a
specific drug treatment is working, or you may want to compare the
habits of one population to a different population so you can conduct
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If you're looking for a tool to make medical
research easier, make sure you check out SurveyMonkey Audience. With the Audience tool,
you'll have access to more than 3 million deeply-profiled survey
participants who are ready to take your survey.
Tools for insurance providers
As an insurance provider, you need to understand how patients use
their plan, and if they understand their coverage so that you can
enhance communication and refine the tools that your clients access.
Whether you provide dental insurance or healthcare coverage, use a
sample insurance survey to understand how well you're meeting patients'
needs and find out how you can improve how you communicate with
healthcare providers.
Use an example healthcare survey template to track patient
Tracking and monitoring patient health is easy when you use one
of our sample healthcare survey templates. Check out some of our
sample healthcare templates below:


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Fit Pro Lifestyle Podcast
About This Show
Create a Fitness Career With a Lifestyle to Match.Read more »
Create a Fitness Career With a Lifestyle to Match.Read more »
We are going to cover off some of the basics you need to get in place if you want to do well as a fitness professional. And remember, if you are not running your own group training business already, then you are unlikely to get very far. Working for an hourly rate for someone else is gonna put an end to your career pretty quickly. Shownotes 00'45" The situations you could get yourself into if you miss these fundamentals 01'56" What gets us into this situation? 02'38" Fundamental #1: Seeking clarity 03'16" How to quickly work out what makes you unique 03'36" Fundamental #2: Your training program 04'35" Where to six free, done-for-you bootcamp workouts 04'46" Fundamental #3: The PT earning zone 05'58" The quickest way to burn yourself out 06'19" Fundamental #4: Getting paid 07'37" What you should be selling instead of training sessions 08'13" Fundamental #5: Choosing your clients 09'04" Your peanut butter sandwich… 10'31" Some Action Steps 12'28" How to bust through your fitness career 'sticking point' Resources Mentioned In The Show More video training on Fitness Bootcamp Fundamentals Read more »


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As a first year competitor, I still have much to observe and learn. Nevertheless, I may have a few suggestions for those getting started in fitness. After competing in three Fitness America Pageant Regional qualifiers, I have made several (hopefully helpful) notes on training and fitness routines.
First off, most of you who are considering fitness competitions probably have much of the training and workout down. Keep a variety!
1) Cross training is beneficial because it helps you avoid burn out of certain body parts and boredom. If you have access to a swimming pool, this is fun and gentle on the joints. After a working a fitness routing on a wooden floor, those bones can start to ache from the pounding. Hiking, biking, ultimate Frisbee, basketball, tennis... whatever you enjoy. Keep the cardio going!
2) Weight training is excellent if you don't have a lot of muscle definition. If your body bulks quickly (most people's do not), keep the weight down and focus more on higher repetitions. When working shoulders, I do a 10-count very slowly with only five-pound weights. However, I have met fitness competitors who don't use weights at all (other than their body weight). Remember that the focus of fitness competition is to be in shape, but also reflect elegance and femininity.
3) Physical training such as sit-ups, push-ups, lunges, dips, chin-ups and other traditional military drills are beneficial for the entire body. Three to four sets of 20 - 25 reps normally can be an effective amount. Don't forget your back needs strengthening as well. Legs lifts, while hanging on a bar stretch your back and build all parts of the abdomen. Start with your knees bent and do 3 sets of 10. Once that becomes easy, see if you can lift your toes to the bar with your legs straight. Another version is the "L" hang. You hang on the bar with your legs straight out. Hold this for 10 - 15 seconds for three sets.
4) Tricks, tumbling, dance, flexibility and strength moves. Spend at least three times a week practicing and perfecting skills you plan on putting in a fitness routine. Whatever your background is, you can definitely show your versatility here. I have coached gymnastics for neary thirteen years. There are all sorts of skills that can be learned to show your agility without having a gymnastics background. Yoga, karate and many popular activities of today's world can be incorporated into a routine. It may seem odd, but remember the 80's and popular break dancing? Several stunts in today's fitness routines happen to fall under this liberal technique. Since there is no code of points or rulebooks suggesting what is required, experiment with push-ups, balance moves, presses, etc... just about anything goes.
1) Watch other fitness routines to have an understanding of what is expected before beginning your choreography (or have your choreographer watch).
2) Choose a theme for your routine. Costume and music most certainly assist in enticing the audience and judges! This is an excellent opportunity to reflect your personality, creativity and style. An old cliche, "Accentuate the positive." For instance, if you don't have a lot of dance experience, choose music that won't require grace, but perhaps something fast in tempo, pounding, and quick to show your stamina and endurance. Also, make sure your music is in the required time period.
3) Don't choose moves, tricks, and skills that you are frightened of. When competing, you may already be nervous, by throwing a skill you aren't confident with can be dangerous. Keep the routine clean. Do what you can as dynamically as possible and then work your way up to difficult moves. For instance, if you have a fear of tumbling, don't try to incorporate it instantly into your routine. There are powerful routines that don't have extreme tumbling skills. There are a dozen different ways to do a cartwheel and make it look complicated! (One-arm cartwheels with a turn out or a twist afterwards, dive-cartwheels, and so forth.)
4) Have Fun! If you don't enjoy performing, change the routine so you do! It is a form of entertainment! Use expressions that capture the audience. For example, smile but also make eye-contact (that is if you can see the audience behind the glaring, bright stage lights). However, some people prefer to block the audience out and pretend they are just practicing. I guess I am a HAM!
I was once told to not give advice because what happens if your advice is WRONG? That is why these are merely suggestions. I did take first place at a regional qualifier in Los Angeles, but it was my third show. It wasn't until I had several chances at the "trial and error" realm did I find what worked for me. In addition, if you are like me, you are extremely busy with two jobs. As a high school English teacher and a coordinator and coach of a gymnastics program, I found I was not making time for reading literature concerning the fitness world. Once I started competing, I figured out a little and learned who the fitness celebrities are. I must admit, I was a bit embarrassed of my ignorance. Read and study what works for you!
Best Wishes!