text:
day when you just need to take it out on someone !
Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone
you DON'T know...
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I
had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying,
"Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I please speak
to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that
anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and
called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I
hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my
desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more
answered, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "asshole," and put it in my
desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're an
asshole!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caIler ID. This was a
real setback for me; I would have to stop calling the asshole. Then one
day I had an idea. I dialed his number and when I heard his voice,
"Hello?" I made up a name. "Hi. I'm with the Telephone Company and I'm
just calling to see if you'd be interested in our caller ID program?"
"No!" he shouted and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back
and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
Keep reading this, it gets better!........
A few days later I was driving into the local supermarket. An old lady
at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of a parking
space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car
began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I
backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. "Great",
I thought, she's finally leaving.
All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the parking aisle in the
wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the horn and started
yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of
his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping center as
if I didn't even exist. I thought to myself, this guy's another asshole;
there sure are a lot of assholes in this world. Then I noticed he had a
"For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the phone
number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off
the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an asshole!" (It's
really easy since I have his number on speed dial now.) I noticed the
phone number of the guy with the black BMW there on my desk and thought
I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the
phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" And I slammed the phone down.
Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. I must say, for a
while things seemed to be going much better for me. Now when I had a
problem I had two assholes to call. Then, after several months of
calling the assholes and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable
as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up
with this solution:
First, I had my phone speeddial asshole #1. A man answered nicely,
I yelled "You're an asshole!", but I didn't hang up.
The asshole said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "Make me."
He said, "What's your name, pal?"
So I told him, "Don Hansen."
He said, "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black BMW's parked
out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole!", and I hung up.
Then I called asshole #2. Don Hansen answered, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, asshole."
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your ass."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, asshole."
And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told
them I was on my way to 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to
kill my gay lover as soon as I got there. Another quick call to Channel
13 about the gang war going on down on West 34th Street... After that I
climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole
Glorious satisfaction! Watching two assholes kicking the crap out of
each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew
was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
Well, Now you know what to do if you have a really bad day !!!
[ March 30, 2006: Message edited by: R K Singh ]
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to his boss.
His boss apparently resigned very soon afterwards !
Dear Mr Baker,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.
After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and her employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.
Managers like you're a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers B-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authorising of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a
spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
>Darryl Brewer.
> Thought 1:
> When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
> When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
> When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be
> liberated from?
> Thought 2:
> The average man's life consists of - twenty years of having his mother
> ask him where he is going;
> Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
> And at the end, the mourners wondering too.
> Thought 3:
> A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind: u
> take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
> The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
> The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to
> cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If
> you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
> The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around
> the corner, barely missing him.
> "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian
> angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "And where the
> hell were you when I got married?"
> > >>Once there was a cooking competition, in which the
> > contestants were
> > >>an
> > >>>American, an Italian and a Sardar.
> > >>>The Judges are taking their rounds and visit the
> > American Kitchen
> > >>>they see
> > >>>the American making Burgers and Fries, they are good
> > but the
> > >>>Judges are
> > >>>not very impressed. Then they go to the Italian
> > kitchen where they
> > >>>smell
> > >>>Pizza's and Pasta and are quite impressed.
> > >>>When they come to the Sardar's kitchen he is seen
> > stirring
> > >>>something in a
> > >>>large frying pan on a very large stove with a lot of
> > smoke coming
> > >>>from the
> > >>>pan. As the judges are unable to see what he is
> > cooking they go
> > >>>closer to
> > >>>take a look and they find the pan completely empty.
> > They ask the
> > >>>Sardar
> > >>>"Tusi Ki bana rahe ho?" (What are you doing ??)
> > >>>Sardar says "This is our national dish, Main CHUTIYA
> > bana raha (I am fooling everyone)
> > >>>hoon."
> > >>
> >
TEACHER: Why are you late?
Johnny Martin: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
Johnny Martin: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go
TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your maths sums on
the floor?
JOHNNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
JOHNNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
JOHNNY: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Johnny!
TEACHER: Johnny, name one important thing we have
today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
JOHNNY: Me!
TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
JOHNNY: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
JOHNNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johnny. Always say, "I am."
JOHNNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his
Cherry tree but also admitted doing it. Now do you
know why his
father didn't punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his
Johnny: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Johnny: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are
wearing, one is
and one is blue with red spots!
Johnny : Yes it's really strange. I've got another
pair of the
at home.
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
donkey and
him, what virtue would I be showing?
Johnny: Brotherly love.
Teacher: Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before
Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
Teacher: Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same
your brother's. Did u copy his?
Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when
are no longer interested?
Johnny : A teacher.
public static void main(String[] args)
Ravish ravish = new Ravish();
public void run()
public static boolean getAudience()
return false;
private char[] postJokes()
String garbage = "garbage"
return garbage.getChars();
AW here is more ..
> >
> > Arjun is disillusioned & Krishna is trying to clear
> > that disillusionment...
> >
> > Krishna : Try to respect the e-mails of your elders,
> > Arjun.
> >
> > Arjun : But Vasudev, how dare I send junk mails to my
> > honorable elders and brothers who are logged on
> > honorable domain?
> >
> > Krishna : Paarth, at this moment they neither are your
> > friends nor your foes. They are mere mail-users.So
> > follow your Net-dharma. Logon and sending dozens of
> > junk mails is your Karma and this alone is your
> > Dharma.
> >
> > Arjun : Hey Murari ! After seeing all this I feel like
> > resigning from the Software Industry.
> >
> > Krishna : Bandhu, it seems you are caught in a vicious
> > circle of Maaya. In this material world you have None
> > and you are committed to None. Junk mails have
> > existed before you came to this world and shall remain
> > Long after you are gone. Rise above this Maaya and
> > Perform your duty. Just keep firing junk mails.
> >
> > Arjun : But Devki Nandan...........!
> >
> > Krishna : ......Victory or failure is not in Your
> > hands. So stop pondering about results. Don't waste
> > your knowledge on the junk shastra bestowed by
> > your Guru Dronacharya.
> >
> > Arjun : Hey Keshav, how is junk mail related to The
> > system ?
> >
> > Krishna : Junk mail is just junk mail. It has no
> > connection with hardware. However, it is another
> > aspect that it overloads the system....fills up the
> > hard disk.. but you are not supposed to worry about
> > it. Listen Kunti putra, the way Aatma leaves one
> > physical body and moves onto another, likewise
> > these junk mails move from system to system.
> >
> > Arjun : How can one define junk mail ?
> >
> > Krishna : Neither fire can burn it.., nor air can dry
> > it..neither can it be conqured nor can it be defeated.
> > He who sends junk mails cannot be looked down upon by
> > Mahadev.Junk mails are immortal.
> >
> > Arjun : Hey Narayan ! Now all my fundaas on junk mail
> > crystal clear. You have opened my eyes Yashoda Nandan,
> > I would have lost myself in Maaya and read all the
> > junk mails myself.
> >
> > Thousands of years have passed since then,
> > Generations have come and gone, seasons have cycled,
> > Technology advanced, but Junk mails remain.
> > So, go on, contribute something to History by
> > Hitting that Forward button yet again to all !!
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
> Who r u???
> Are you a pro*titute or a programmer ?
> 1. You work very odd hours.
> 2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.
> 3. You are paid well, but your pimp gets most of the money.
> 4. You spend a majority of your time in an air-conditioned room.
> 5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right
> price.
> 6. You are not proud of what you do.
> 7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.
> 8. It's difficult to have a family.
> 9. You have no job satisfaction.
> 11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.
> 12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.
> 13. Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions
> you attend.)
> 14. Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you're left
> hanging with other "professionals."
> 15. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.
> 16. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they
> get for the money.
> 20. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return
> looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM)
> 21. You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.
> 22. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks
> away smiling.
> 23. The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is higher
> than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.
> 24. When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you constantly
> wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.
> 25. Everyday you wake up and tell yourself, "I'm not going to be doing
> this stuff the rest of my life."
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
> This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Bhopal.
> You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory
> statement.
> One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be
> marching on this business... And that the CRPF might have to be called to
> keep the angry crowds back.
> But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the
> proprietors simply make their statement . . . We are a society who holds
> Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty . . . And after all, it
> is just a sign.
> You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?
> Answer: A Funeral Home (Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)
> This is cool....
> U can take a bambaiyya out of bombay but u can never take out bombay out
> of a bambaiyya!!
> Bambaiyya bhasha Refresher course The best compilation. A must for
> newcomers.
> 1.Bus kya : The meaning of it is that com'on don't take me for granted.
> 2.Apun : It's actual meaning is WE but in B'hindi it means I or me...usage
> like : apun ko kya samjha tu ne, apne haath ka ek padega..
> 3.Chava / Chavi : Actual meaning of a chava is a lion's cub.However, in
> B'hindi it would mean a Boyfriend/GirlFriend(normally the one that's
> steady). Chava, is also used to describe to a good looking chap or the
> normal stud in the locality. No, Chavi would still
> mean the steady one.
> 4.Chikna : Stands for any good looking fellow.Chikna actually means
> smooth.Chikni is the female version of the same word.
> 5.Saala : literal meaning wife's brother....but in Mumbai it is used in
> every context...when friends meet and greet then it is kya saala kaisa
> hai.....when angry "abey saale....phoot na"... in fact this is the most
> common used word in mumbai.... and can be
> used when you are happy/ sad/depressed / angry / shy / vulgar / teasing/
> and when there is nothing else to say then use a saala....
> 6.Dhapnya / Battery / double battery : Refers to a person wearing
> prescription glasses. Dhapnya is a marathi word.The Ghati way of saying
> this would be "byatree".
> 7.Chaayla : The original meaning is quiet demeaning. The contemporary
> meaning is so flexible that "Cheryl" can be used anywhere in a casual
> conversation. gramatically speaking this word doesnt have any meaning.
> 8.Haila : This originated from "Hai Allah " but I don't think 99% of the
> users know about this. Haila would translate to "Oh God"
> 9.Keeda /SulemaniKeeda / RehmaniKeeda : An absolute pest.
> 10.Jhakaas : Superb. Excellent.
> 11.Mandvali / Mandavli : Compromise /Negotiation usage : bhai apun ko
> Mandvali karne ka hai.
> 12.Gangaram : For a barber. Gangaram is a guy's name.
> I guess some
> Gangaram must have played an immortal role in some
> play or movie
> for his name to stick on.
> 13.Chagan / Dhating / Hajaam / dakkan Hajaam : in its true sense would mean
> a barber. It refers to anyone with a moronic intellect or an Idiot.I
> think the meaning of the word "Chagan" better be left unsaid.
> 14.Atrangi : One meaning of this word is similar to Hajaam.Atrangi also mean
> something extraordinary.
> 15.Punter / Tapori : Roadside loafer. Taporiis among the most commonly used
> words in B'hindi.
> 16.Shana :literal meaning in marathi means wise..but mostly used in
> sarcastic way like "tu kya shana hai kya ??"
> 17.Dhid shana : The word dhid means 1 and half times the original one.
> that means 1 and half times shana.
> 18.ChappanTikkli :actual meaning 56 spots : this is not used nowadays. But
> in B'hindi it means one with lots of pimples/
> marks on his/her face.
> 19.Dum : Actual meaning is cigarette with marijuana for kick. but nowdays
> commonly used to refer ordinary cigarette..
> 20.Chota : when you ask a paanwala in mumbai he will give you a small
> Goldflake cigarette.
> 21.Charsi / Fookya / Soootya : A smoker. Charas is exactly marijuana.Charasi
> would mean any guy who smokes though.
> 22.Raanti / Saand : A boisterous or an exceeding brash guy.
> 23.Bevda / Gutter / Taankee / Batli / JohnnyWalker: A Drunk.Johnny Walker
> comes from either the actor by the name or the
> whiskey brand.
> 24.Rappak ( stress on "pp" ): means Slap. ( eg. Kaan kay neechay rappak
> lagaoonga. )
> 25.Tapri : A road side shop.
> 26.Chotaya : For any kid working in a Tapri. If the shop has more than one
> kid ... all would have to be Chotays.
> 27.Ramu : see "chotay" above
> 28.Mava / (120 300) EkSauBeesTeenSau : This is a type of paan that you get
> here. 120 and 300 are the flavors of tabacco.
> Mava is everything that paan has without the betelleaf. Terms also refer
> to the person who consumes it.If you want a combination, say ek 420 dena
> If you are...?
> 29.Manikchand: Manikchand is a famous brand of chewing tobacco.This term
> also stands for a person who consumes it.
> 30.dhakta : actual meaning is younger. in this case it is small manikchand
> packet.
> 31.Dhoop Chaav : Sun and Shade. Refers to the shops owned by the road
> side barbers who just have a rag for the Chaav
> and is obviously holeridden to let the Dhoop come in.
> 32.Chinese Gaadi : No this is not a Chinese make of an automobile Its the
> "Tapri" selling chinese food on the side of the
> road. You find one after every 10 meters. The best part is that all these
> Chinese Gaadis are red in color, have names like "Red Sun", "Red Dragon",
> "Fong's", or anything that sounds vaguely Chinese.The cook is normally a
> Nepali gurkha working as a night
> watchman in some nearby apartment complex. The only criteria to get a
> chef's job at a Chinese Gaadi is to have slanted eyes.
> 33.Mahim Matunga / Vasai Virar : This is a term used for squints. MM and VV
> are neighbouring localities in Bombay. The
> origin of this term is unknown.
> 34.Ghungroo Salmaan :This term is very new but catching on fast.Ghungroo
> refers to a curly haired guy. Salmaan (Khan)comes in
> the picture since the "Ghunroo Salmaan" fellow is obviously mistaking
> himself to be a Hindi film hero. It's used as a putdown.
> 35.Cutting : A little_more_than_half cup of Tea is a cutting.The Cutting
> concept would have been started by people who used
> to split a cup of tea between 2 people... and finally the tea vendor
> started selling half cup of tea and called it "cutting". A
> little_more_than_half is given to increase the patrons.
> 36.AndhaDhuni / AadvaPatta : These are a cricketing terms. AadvaPatta comes
> from Pune, means "Cross batted shot".
> AndhaDhuni means"Blind shot". But nowadays these refer to any guy who
> doesn't bat well.
> 37.Mama / Maushi : Mama and Maushi translate to the maternal uncle and aunt.
> These words are thoroughly misused to get
> some work done. Normally used while speaking Marathi. Every other Marathi
> speaking streetvendor would be a Mama or a Maushi.
> 38.Dada / Tai : Translate to elder brother or sister.Usage see Mama/Maushi.
> 39.Uncle / Aunty: Usage similar to Mama/Maushi... just that this is used
> for the more sophisticated public.Normally with the Marathi ignorant.
> 40.Ghaati Ghaatis : are the residents of the hilly/rural regions of
> Maharashtra.In B'hindi,a Ghati would mean any person whose mother tongue
> is Marathi. It's quiet demeaning..... and thus heard more frequently.
> 41.Gujju / Dandabai: Gujratis. The money men of Mumbai. These guys are
> easily spotted on the road either in colorful shirts,embroidered trousers,
> against the mirror of a parked vehicle combing their hair, or something
> equally funny. These guys are the second largest community in Bombay after
> the Marathispeaking people. Ganda acutally means mad.No need to explain
> why. every mumbaikar knows it...
> 42.Madrasi Madras : is a place in the southern part of India.Madrasi refers
> to any guy from a place to the south of Maharashtra.Doesn'tmatter where he
> is from. If he is from Bangalore he is a Madrasi.If he is from Goa he is
> still a Madrasi. Doesn't matter. And the best part of being a Madrasi is
> that you are supposed to eat idli sambar for breakfast, lunch, AND
> dinner. And rasamchaval is supposed to be the favourite dish.
> 43.Gulti:This is a fairly new term. Used for people from Andhra Pradesh. I
> don't have a clue about its origin or actual meaning.
> 44.Bhaiya/Pandit: Any guy from UP/ Bihar/ MP/ Delhi/ Northern states is
> called a Bhaiya. Pandit is also used interchangeably but is mostly used
> for the guys at the Lassi/Doodh shops or for Panwallas.
> 45.Paapay / Papajee: A Sikh. I assume that this term derives from the word
> "pappaji" and I am sure its not insulting or anything.
> 46.Pavwalla / Sausage: The Christians. I guess this started because of the
> fact that they eat bread instead of chapatis.Sausage is a fairly new.
> Do add to the list if anything you feel is left out.......
When pronouncing Gulti is the reverse of Telugu.
Because people from Andhra talk in telugu and are supposedly perceived by others sarcasticcally do things in reverse than others. :roll:
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- They did it by killing all those who opposed them
the window seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just before
an American got on and took the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and
settling in when the Arabs in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up
get a beer." "No problem," said the American, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and
in it.
When he returned with the beer, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I
think I'll have one too."
Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone,
other Arab picked up the other shoe and spat in it.
When the American returned to his seat, they all sat back and enjoyed
the flight
As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes
and knew immediately what had happened. "Why does it have to be this way?"
he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations?
This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes, and pissing in beers?"
> Should women have children after 35
> No, 35 children are more than enough!
> ----------------
> No one has ever complained of a parachute not
> opening..
> ----------------
> Living on Earth may be expensive, but it
> includes an annual free trip around the Sun..
> ----------------
> Your future depends on your dreams
> So go to sleep !
> ----------------
> So what ? Who's in a hurry ?
> -----------------
> Work fascinates me
> I can look at it for hours !
> -----------------
> Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car in
> front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING
> -----------------
> A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge
> began, you've been brought here for drinking..
> Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get
> started?
> ----------------
> Can you do anything that other people can't?
> Sure, I can read my handwriting..
> -----------------
> Divorce has become so common that my wife and I
> are staying married just to be different..
> -----------------
> When a wife was asked: What book do you like thebest?
> She answers: My husband's cheque book..
> ----------------
> Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
> Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list
> again yesterday.
> ----------------
> Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
> Customer: What other colors do you have?
> -----------------
> My father is so old that when he was in school,
> history was called current affairs.
> ----------------
> Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
> donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be
> Showing?
> Student: Brotherly love.
> -----------------
> Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
> prayers before eating?
> Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
> ------------------
> Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't
> need much help.
> Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just
> the right person in this case. You see, I won't
> be of much help anyway!!
> --------------------
> Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
> Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car
> around it.
> --------------------
> Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is
> exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
> Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
> --------------------
> Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the
> manager!
> Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
> --------------------
> Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
> Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do You.
> ---------------------
> Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
> Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
> --------------------
> Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
> Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within
> three days, you can keep it.
> -------------------
> Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible
> to teach you anything!
> Son: That's why I say she's no good!
Apun ek shtory sunaenga:
Julie aur Sulie do ben log rehta hai. Ben log maane judwaa.
Lekin dono main fark bole to solid. Julie ekdum.
Smart, jhakaas aur Sulie ekdum halki re.
To kya hota hai maloom Sulie tho bachpan se, woh kya bolte hain
usko..Stubborn ..bole to ekdam jiddi.... rehti hai.
To julie jo bhi maangti hai na...Sulie ko woh maang ta-ich hai.
Julie ko gudiya mili to Sulie ko bhi maangta tha...
Julie ko kangan mila to Sulie ko bhi mangta hai.
Aisa karte karte bees saal guzar gaya.
To na, Julie ka shaadi ekdum karodpati ladka ke saath hota hai.
Aur Sulie ek fatichar funtoosh se shaadi banatha hai.
Shaadi ke baad Julie Fridge leti hai baap.Sulie bhi pati se fridge
maangtihai.Pat bechara garib. Lekin biwi ko khush karne ke waaste woh
Fridge khareed leta hai.
Abhi Julie agle mahine Air Conditioner khareed dalti hai. Sulie bhi
jiddkarti hai baap.
Bolti: AC nahin liya to khud ko tapka daloongi.
Pati bechara aur paiseudhaar leta hai aur AC khareed leta hai. Ab
car khareedti hai. Sulie bhi jidd karti hai. Pati ka dhimaag satak-ta
hai lekin phir bhi saala karega kya, pitaji ka zameen bech dalta hai
gaadi khareedta hai.
Thode dinon ke baad Julie gaadi bech ke bus khareedti hai.
Sulie jidd karti hai Abhi pati solid bhadakta hai baap. Bolta hai "Ae
item, ab dhimaag ki dahi mat bana..bahut ho gaya tera natak. Abhi
tera ek nahin sunega. Apun jaa rahela hai"
To Sulie ko chodke woh chala jaata hai. Sulie lekin apni gaadi
aur paisa market se uthakar bus khareed leti hai.
To Julie aur Sulie apne apne bus main Ek din picnic ko jaata hai.
Bus ko park karke woh log ghoomne phirne ko jaata hai.
Wapas aake dekhta hai to saala dono bus main steering wheel gaayab,
aayab, gear gaayab...sab kuch ghayab!! Sulie julie ko dekhti hai aur
kuch to bolti hai.
Abhi Ekdum simple koschan: Sulie Julie ko kya
bolti hai??
* * Ye tu bhol-na * * * * *
* * * Abe soch...... * * *
* * *la dhimag kaam nahi kar rehla hai? * * *
* * * Haar maan gaya kya??? * * *
* * * Accha chal bolich dalta hoon: * * *
ae bhidu, apun ko gaali mat de, aur apun ke upar gussa mat hona kya?
Apun ko bhi kisi ne yeh bhej kar apna bheja kharab
kiya hai.
Tere ko lage to tu bhi kisi ko bhej dena.
contributed by Rupali Patel
Notice at a Software firm in Silicon Valley - from Human Resources Director
To all Hindi-speaking staff
It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting
our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by
our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our
policy,is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and
Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:
Words like "CHUTIYA,GANDU" and other such expressions will not be used for
emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say "CHUTIYE
AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO" when someone makes a mistake, or "MAA CHUDI
BEHENCHOD" when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the
verb "CHOD"are inappropriate in our environment.
No project manager, section head or administrator, under any
circumstances, will be referred to as"GADHA", or "CHUTIYA". Lack of
determination will not be referred to "KAAMCHOR SALA",and neither will
persons who lack initiative be referred to as "AALSI BHOSADIKAA", or
Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to
"FUCK ALL". Do not say "GAND FADU" if a person is persistent, or if a task
is heavy to accomplish. In a similar way, do not use "GAND FATI NA", if a
colleague is going through a difficult situation.
Furthermore, you must not say "BHOSADE MEIN GAYA" when matters become
complicated. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say
"FUCK OFF". Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with "BOL TERI KAISE
When things get tough, an acceptable expression such as 'We are going
through a difficult time' should be used, rather than "MAA CHUDI PADI HAI"
or "GOTI MUH MEIN HAI" No salary increase shall be ever referred to as
Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners
"BADHIR LAVDA". Last, but not least, after reading this memo please do not
say "YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI". Just keep it clean and
dispose off it properly. We hope you will keep these directions in mind.
Human Resources Director
Preeto answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
Banta laughs and says, "An English girl !!!
Preeto kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later Banta picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you."
"And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?"
"What I asked for, the English girl?!"
Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl !!!
Santa and Banta head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes.
Santa says to Banta, `Let`s say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot Rs 500 on the lowest score for the day.`
Banta agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Banta is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
"Help me find my ball; you look over there," he says to Santa.
After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Banta pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground.
"I`ve found my ball!" he announces triumphantly.
Santa looks at him forlornly, "After all the years we`ve been friends, you`d cheat me on golf for a measly five hundred?"
"What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!"
"And a liar, too!", Santa says with amazement. `I`ll have you know I`ve been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!`"
Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.
"He was a BJP leader, 65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the medical examiner.
The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man.
"He was a minister from ruling Congress party, was 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Nothing unusual here", thinks the Inspector, and asks to be shown the last body.
"Ah," says the medical examiner. "This is the most unusual one. MP from Bihar, 60, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector.
To which the medical officer replies, "He thought he was having his picture taken."
Programer Arthur Harris, 46, and clerk Karen Laverne Shivers, 41, were arrested at their apartment Monday.
Agents seized 5 ounces of cocaine, 6 ounces of crack and $6,000. Federal agents said they taped three telephone conversations in which Harris, speaking on a City Hall phone, arranged to sell crack.
A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock `n` roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.
A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision.
The woman angrily exclaimed, "Asshole!" ...The radio cut over to George Bush`s press conference.
George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that`s them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
Please Permit me to make your acquaintance in so
informal a manner. This is necessitated by my urgent
need to reach a dependable and trust wordy foreign
partner. This request may seem strange and
unsolicited but I will crave your indulgence and pray
that you view it seriously. My name is MR Henshaw Adio of the Democratic
Republic of Congo and One of the
close aides to the former President of the Democratic
Republic of Congo LAURENT KABILA of blessed
memory, may his soul rest in peace.
Due to the military campaign of LAURENT KABILA to
force out the rebels in my country, I and some of my
colleagues were instructed by Late President Kabila
to go abroad to purchase arms and ammunition worth of
Twenty Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States
Dollars only (US$20,500,000.00) to fight the rebel
group. But when President Kabila was killed in a
bloody shoot-out by one of his aide a day before we
were schedule to travel out of Congo, We immediately
decided to divert the fund into a private security
company here in Congo for safe keeping. The security
of the said amount is presently being threatened here
following the arrest and seizure of properties of Col.
Rasheidi Karesava (One of the aides to Laurent Kabila)
a tribesman, and some other Military Personnel from
our same tribe, by the new President of the Democratic
Republic of Congo, the son of late President Laurent
Kabila, Joseph Kabila.
In view of this, we need a reliable and trustworthy
foreign partner who can assist us to move this money
out of my country as the beneficiary.
WE have sufficient ''CONTACTS'' to move the fund under
Diplomatic Cover to a security company in the europe
in your name. This is to ensure that the Diplomatic
Baggage is marked ''CONFIDENTIAL'' and it will not
pass through normal custom/airport screening and
Our inability to move this money out of Congo all
This while lies on our lack of trust on our supposed
good friends (western countries) who suddenly became
hostile to those of us who worked with the late
President Kabila, immediately after his son took
office. Though we have neither seen nor met each
other, the information We gathered from an associate
who has worked in your country has encouraged and
convinced us that with your sincere assistance, this
transaction will be properly handled with modesty
and honesty to a huge success within two weeks. The
said money is a state fund and therefore requires a
total confidentiality.
Thus, if you are willing to assist us move this fund
out of Congo, you can contact me through my email
address above with your telephone, fax number and
personal information to enable us discuss the
modalities and what will be your share
(percentage) for assisting us.
I must use this opportunity and medium to implore You
to exercise the utmost indulgence to keep this Matter
extraordinarily confidential, Whatever your Decision,
while I await your prompt response. Thank you and
Best Regards
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
on the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit
shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a
large plate glass window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed
window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to
what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they
inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and
one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting
the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife said, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase
you see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful,"
The wife said, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two
wishes, the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes...one was for a scratch
handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other
for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your
wife." I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I
made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire." The husband and wife
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife,
"How long have you been married?" to which she responded, "Three
The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" to which she
"31 years old." The genie then asked,
"How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.."
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful...
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
Originally posted by <Confused Kumar>:
Ravish Kumar should be renamed as Joke Kumar or Garbage Kumar or Confused Kumar
No thanks Mr Confused Kumar , I dont want any of your names
AW thanks for suggestion.
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
a man asked his friend
man - do u talk to ur wife wen u hv sex
friend- depends if i find the phone.
remember me.
a teacher asked a girl :
"which part of the body grows 10 times its original size when one gets excited?"
Girl says "Sir, you should be ashamed to ask questions like this to your class"
The teacher asks the same question to another student and he replies,"sir, its the pupil of the eye".
The teacher turns to the girl and says" I want to tell you 3 things
1) you lack knowledge
2) You have a dirty mind
3) your expectations are too high
A French guy is asking an American, "What proof do you have that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"
The American replies, "We kept the receipts."
When Lalloo completed 25 years of his rule over Bihar, he wanted a special postage stamp with his picture on it. He asked Rabri,stressingthat it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Lalloo was pleased.
But within a couple of days, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. He called Rabri and ordered her to investigate the matter. Rabri checked out at several post offices, and then reported to Lalloo Prasad: She said:"The stamp is really world class. The problem is, our Biharis are spitting on the wrong side."
Once Laloo was coming out of an airport. As there was huge rush thesecurity guard told Laloo "Wait, please." Lalloo said, "65 kilo," and moved on...
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and LasVegas..So he called up the tourist department and asked them "Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Begas."
The man at the other end replied, "One second sir..." Lalloo immediately replied,"Thank you" and put the phone down.
Lalloo's family planning policy... "DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR."
At a bar in New York, the man to Lalloo's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU,SIR?" Lalloo
replies: "LALLOO YADAV, MARRIED."
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Lalloo decides to go modeling.
Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and restin' his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION!!! "Lalloo,
third from left!"
Lalloo Prasad was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business development in Bihar. The Japs were quite impressed with Bihar and their leader
said,"Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Lalloo was very surprised."You Japanese are very inepicient. Give me three days and I will turn
Japan into the next Bihar!"
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite
sometime, Lalloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me
ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Laloo brags. "FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG."
the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL," Lalloo replies. "READ THE BOX, IT SAYS 5-7 YEARS."
Bill Clinton decided to teach Lalloo English, so he invited him over
to the US. Lalloo arrives in full grandeur. Bill announces to the
nation that they should not be disturbed during the tuition. Inside the White
house, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Lalloo
English.Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them
coming out. The whole country and the economy have come to a
standstill, and press reporters from all over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome.
At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Lalloo beaming his
plendent white smile, looking cool and unruffled. However,Bill looks
totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled,
and he has scratch marks all over his face. The shocked reporters ask Bill,
"What happened Mr.President?" Bill replies, "Ee babua hamar kuchh bhi naahi sunta hai!" [Translation : This folk does not listen to me at all]
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
Software Engineer is a Person who thinks a single woman cannot deliver a child in nine months.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine children in one month.
The client knows that it takes a man & a woman to deliver a child in nine months.
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
hurts. I guess
I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There is a computer
at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker
and cheaper than a doctor.Simply put in a sample of
your urine, and the computer will diagnose your
problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it
only costs $10." Ron figured he had nothing to lose,
so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the
drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and
deposited the $10. The computer started making some
noise and various lights started flashing. After a
brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper
which read:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new
technology was
and how it would change medical science forever, he
began to wonder
if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give
it a try. He mixed
together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog,
and urine
samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he
mastur**** into
the concoction. He went back to the drug store,
located the computer,
poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its
lights, and printed
out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal
Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a
rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant ... twin girls. They aren't
yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will
never get better.
"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
What Is Politics?
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny,
we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now!"
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
[ flickr ]
That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I think a piece of pie wouldn't kill me. Tiny ad:
Why should you try IntelliJ IDEA ?https://coderanch.com/wiki/696337/IntelliJ-IDEA


text:
I have no way of knowing what time it is right now, as you read this column (that you know of), but it's probably not that cold out. Awesome! You're totally going to have lunch outside, right?
Well, not all of us are so excited about this early spring. Actually, it's kind of a problem.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
SOURCE: NexTech Solutions
December 05, 2007 08:01 ET
AUSTIN, TX--(Marketwire - December 5, 2007) - NexTech Solutions, Inc. and FAS Technologies,
LLC, doing business jointly as "NexTech FAS" (PINKSHEETS: NXSN), are
pleased to announce that a leading
organic light-emitting diode (OLED) process
development company has placed multiple orders for its Advantage II
Extrusion Coating system to be integrated into an R&D line for development
of OLED displays.
NexTech FAS' Advantage Series coating systems offer high performance
extrusion (spinless) coating of liquid materials onto substrates during the
manufacture process of Flat Panel Displays. The systems, which are
currently supplied for Gen 2 through Gen 8 panel sizes, are capable of
coating a wide variety of process chemistries, including tough-to-coat OLED
materials which are often deposited at submicron thicknesses with stringent
uniformity and environmental requirements.
The customer originally purchased NexTech FAS' equipment line in the third
quarter of 2006 and later placed a follow-up order in the second quarter of
2007. The Advantage II Extrusion Coating
system is designed to work in a fully-automated and controlled environment
and is being implemented in a pilot/R&D line at the customer's site. The
use of these tools enables the customer to further its R&D objectives and
optimize its development process. This order paves the way for potentially
significant future equipment orders used in the process and development of
OLED displays and technology, a rapidly
emerging market growing from $526 million in 2006 to an estimated $4
billion by 2010, according to DisplaySearch.
"The technical team at NexTechFAS has worked diligently for several years
to optimize the Advantage Series coaters for the specific requirements of
OLED manufacturing, and we are pleased with the confidence in our
technology demonstrated by these recent orders," stated Greg Gibson, chief
technical officer of NexTech FAS. "We believe that OLED display
manufacturing will be a significant market segment for NexTechFAS, where
our high efficiency coating methods provide key cost efficiencies that are
essential to this rapidly growing market."
The Advantage Coating systems can be configured for flexible as well as
rigid substrates and is suitable for R&D or full production applications.
Coating uniformity of better than three
percent is routinely achieved with very high efficiency.
About NexTech Solutions and FAS Technologies
NexTech Solutions, Inc. delivers advanced metrology and automation inspection (AOI) solutions
to the global semiconductor and flat panel display (FPD) industries. NexTech's
mission is to create greater shareholder value through advanced technology
development of products targeted at large, fast-growing markets. The
company is headquartered in Austin, Texas, with facilities in San Mateo,
Calif. NexTech's stock is quoted on the Pink Sheets under the symbol NXSN.
For more information, see: http://www.nxts.com.
FAS Technologies, LLC is a Texas Limited Liability Company with offices in
Dallas and Tokyo. FAS Technologies is a pioneering company widely
recognized in the industry for the development of digital fluid dispensing
and a patented spinless coating technology
known as "FAS-Coat," which has become the de-facto standard in the coating
processes used in the manufacture of FPDs. The company is engaged in the
design, development, manufacture, integration, sale and servicing of
advanced, high-precision coating systems for the microelectronics and
display industries. For more information, see: http://www.fas.com.
NexTech and FAS have announced plans to combine the two companies in a
two-step transaction. The companies will consolidate operations into a
joint venture which is expected to close in the fourth quarter of 2007,
subject to closing conditions. Following necessary approvals of
stockholders and regulatory authorities, the companies will be combined in
a merger transaction and reincorporated in Delaware. NexTech Solutions,
Inc. and FAS Technologies, LLC are jointly doing business under the name
"NexTech FAS".
Forward-Looking Statements
This release includes forward-looking statements that are made pursuant to
the "safe harbor" provisions of the Private Securities Litigation Reform
Act of 1995. While these statements are made to convey to the public the
company's progress, business opportunities and growth prospects, readers
and listeners are cautioned that such forward-looking statements represent
management's opinion. Whereas management believes such representations to
be true and accurate based on information and data available to the company
at this time, actual results may differ materially from those described.
The company's operations and business prospects are always subject to risk
and uncertainties. Important factors that may cause actual results to
differ are set forth in the company's periodic filings with Pink Sheets at
Investor and Public Relations Contact:Wendy PrabhuMercom Capital Group, LLC1-512-215-4452Email Contact
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« The Final Member | Main | Ready guys? »
February 28, 2014
Who wouldn't love 3-year-old pizza?
Three-year pizza to join US Army MRE delicacies
Pizza with a three-year shelf life will soon be joining the US Army's field rations menu. These infamous MREs (Meal, Ready to Eat) have a long and checkered history, acquiring such sobriquets over the years as "Meals Rejected by Everyone" and "Materials Resembling Edibles." Pizza has long topped the list of requested meals, but the task of providing a palatable slice of this complex food that will survive the required three-year shelf life has foiled all attempts. Now, the folks at Natick's Combat Feeding Directorate have achieved a minor miracle in food technology: stopping time for a slice of pizza.
Posted by joke du jour at February 28, 2014 09:02 PM
« The Final Member | Main | Ready guys? »
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Discussion in 'Photography and Imaging' started by Zhukov, Dec 5, 2004.
'nuff said.
Was Hazzard county supposed to be in Georgia, or is that just where they're shooting it?
God, why is that the only comment I have on that picture?
Is the link to the pic......
no worky
mmmmmmmm....sexy red x.
am i just imagining things, or is there NO pic? I have seen this thread floating around for a while now, but I have yet to see the "Daisy Dukes".
Damn it!
Thank God, I thought it was just me, LOL!!!
** Oops, I must have missed all of D's posts, LOL!
Separate names with a comma.


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Alfred and I had a few hours to kill before our ferry so we hung out at Steveston in Vancouver. I've been told it's where they sometimes film ABC's "Once Upon A Time" and I can definitely see it with it's small harbor town charm, though it was a bit on the chilly side. Alas, it was a beautiful sunny day.
There can and will never be enough sunny days in Vancouver in my opinion though I don't know, would you rather live Vancouver, where it's 8C but raining almost everyday, or Ottawa, where it's -20C but clear blue sky with beautiful sunset in winter? Don't answer that Canada is just shitty for its winter. I'd take up only having 2 political parties to vote from over warmer winter any day. And maybe throw in legalizing marrying your first cousin or your favorite farm animal too for some palm trees.


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Route B PWP Accreditation is for those who have a relevant Core Professional
training, to degree level or equivalent, and specialist PWP training which
must include PWP Top-up Training that incorporates Modules 1 & 2 of the IAPT
PWP National Curriculum, provided by an Accredited PWP training programme. In
addition, applicants must provide supplementary evidence of meeting two essential
core learning objectives as specified in the IAPT PWP National Curriculum for
Modules 3 and 4
Clinical Psychology
Counselling Psychology
Educational Psychology
Forensic Psychology
Health Psychology
Mental Health Nursing
Learning Disability Nursing
General Nursing
Psychiatric Medicine
General Practice
Occupational Therapy
Arts Therapist
GMHW training must have included assessment of competency and fitness to practice.
Counselling, Fully Accredited by BACP, IACP, COSCA, FDAP (NCAC) or Registered Member CPC
Counselling Training obtained via a BACP Accredited training course of Undergraduate Diploma level or higher
Social Work
Probation Service
Teacher of Special Education / Needs with additional special education training and counselling / psychotherapy training
Psychotherapy / Psychotherapeutic Counsellor with UKCP Registration


text: You can play Cover And Smash free online car games at fogames. It has tags: Puzzle,Blood,Violence,. It has 1411 total plays and has been rated 78.6% (1 like and 0 dislike), find the fun and happy day. If you want to play more car games, we find some of the game: Cover Orange Players Pack 3, Super Smash Flash, Smash and Dash and Cover Orange. To play other games, go to the puzzle games page, the blood games page, or just check out the new games or best games page.


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Intonation is a feature of pronunciation, one of the criteria assessed in the IELTS Speaking Test.
Study Tips:
Be aware of and listen out for English stress and rhythm patterns. Practise these patterns by imitating the speech of native speakers.
In the IELTS interview remember to speak with a clear and strong voice. Use a rising tone when asking for clarification and a falling tone when making a statement.
Click here for the transcript, here for the Study Notes, or here for the Activities!
Click here for the next episode of Study English, or here for all episodes.
Listen to ESL Podcasts and AudioBooks with Transcript
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Shyamalan 'Cannibalized' His Unbreakable 2 Concept For A Night Chronicles Film
Director M. Night Shyamalan contributed to the superhero film genre with Unbreakable, and it turned out to be one of his better efforts in the scheme of things. His new movie Devil kicks off what he hopes will be the Night Chronicles trilogy, however, and the third of those three films could end up using a concept he previously intended to feature in Unbreakable 2.
"I cannibalized the idea for the sequel to Unbreakable for one of the Night Chronicles," Shyamalan told MTV News.
He admitted that he has yet to decide what he might eventually do instead for an Unbreakable sequel, but he called the movie one of his two favorites (along with The Village) out of everything he's made.
"It was such a cool idea for a villain, and it was actually originally in the script for Unbreakable, and it was too much," he explained. "There were too many villains, so I pulled this villain out and was like, 'I'll make this the second flick.'"
And now you'll have a reason to watch Devil and the subsequent Night Chronicles installments, for better or worse.
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text: Kevin and Elsie are impeccable hosts -- from the first day of our arrival to our departure they ensured that our stay was to the highest of standards. The room was very modern, tidy, well equipped and above all homey. But what made this place stand out over all other places we stayed in South Africa was the view. Interlaken... More


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Effective National Statistical System Assessments: Heading Towards Open Frameworks?
- Side Event at the 48th Session of the UNSC -
Monday, 6 March 2017, 1:15 – 2:30 pm
Location: Conf. Room A*
To coincide with the 48th United Nations Statistical Commission, PARIS21 is organising a side event which will explore the usefulness and feasibility of open frameworks as an integral part of NSS assessments. The event hopes to catalyse a collaborative effort that will help shape the open framework discussion and ultimately improve measurement and monitoring of statistical development while looking at the specific capacity needs and challenges of developing countries.
-> Download the Concept Note here.
-> Results of NSS Assessment Tools Study
*Please note that PARIS21 does not provide accreditation onto United Nations premises.


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This week I have chosen the heel of the beautiful Boot, a region called Puglia (Apulia). I spent my last family holiday here in 2002 and although it was the beginning of the end as far as my marriage was concerned those sad memories cannot erase the beauty and the perfect holiday I spent in these parts. We decided to hire a camper van and tour the area and it was the most amazing experience allowing us to visit many places in a two-week break.
Again, Puglia offers far too much to be covered in one post so I shall take you along part of our camper van route which starts off on the 'spur' of the boot, the stunning Gargano promontory a sailors paradise and full of culture, history and art. The medieval towns like Vieste are a delight to discover and Mattinata can be traced back to 500 BC. San Giovanni Rotondo, home of the infamous Padre Pio, a venerated saint in Italy, is also home to an ancient round temple dating back to the 2nd century BC. Apart from the clear blue seas Gargano is also a national park offering numerous treks for nature lovers and one last place that must have a mention is the Tremiti Islands a collection of five islands, two of which have been populated since ancient times and according to myth the island was inhabited by Diomedes when he returned from the battle of Troy. We took the ferry over and walked through the old towns, we had lunch in a tiny restaurant with fresh mozzarella and tomato salad served with capers picked from the island and we hired a dinghy and sailed around the island stopping off in the various bays to swim. I would thoroughly recommend a visit.
We drove through the province of Bari and enjoyed various beaches along our way towards Alberobello, an inland town home of the trulli. These cone-roofed houses are typical of the area, built amongst olive groves and used today as shops and also villas to let. Each roof has a pinnacle or cross and strange stone markers said to have a magical significance, walking through the streets is a surreal experience and a stop off in one of the stores to buy a 'fischietto' or whistle as a souvenir is another must.
Next mention must be Ostuni, an inland white medieval town which sparkles against the red rich soil of the area. We ate at the Osteria del Tempo Perso in the centre of the town renowned for it's excellent food and glorious wine list, the restaurant is separated into two areas, one an oven dating back to the 1500's the other dedicated to the farming history of Ostuni. I ate the most delicious Buffalo mozzarella here I can still taste it today, sigh….
Castel del Monte, a 13th century castle standing high on a rock is a UNESCO world heritage site and is also commemorated on the Italian 1 cent.
There is much more to be seen in Puglia and I'll probably dedicate many future posts to this beautiful region, if you do decide to go then you must try the pasta of the area 'Orecchiette' with cime di rape (broccoli heads)
Delicious wines include Martina Franca and Locorotondo the whites and Primitivo, Malvasia Nera and Negromaro the reds. Puglia is the major producer of olive oil of the country so make sure to bring a bottle home with you.


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Taylor Swift has wpent $2.5 million on a Nashville, Tennessee mansion - just weeks after placing another nearby property she owns on the market.
The Love Story hitmaker purchased a four-bedroom, five-bathroom family home in 2010 for $1.45 million, but put it up for sale earlier this summer (11) with a $50,000 price hike.
But despite her desire to offload the property, she's recently paid out for a new mansion in Nashville, according to The Real Estalker website.
The Northumberland Estate features four bedrooms and four bathrooms and was previously owned by Universal Music Group chairman Luke Lewis.
It is just one house in Swift's growing property portfolio - she has a huge penthouse in central Nashville, and is the proud owner of a $3.55 million home in Beverly Hills.


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139 Reviews| Average: 4 out of 5
Many lawyers, doctors, and other professionals prefer to think of themselves as in business for themselves, merely using a group to provide office space, support services, and occasional camaraderie. This assumed sense of personal independence undergoes a rude awakening when a senior partner calls you into his/her office to detail for you, without your asking, how you are perceived. Some of the thoughts that may go through your head at a time like this are: "Just who the hell is he/she to be judging me?" "All that negative stuff has been coming from X, who has been talking behind my back. I knew I couldn't trust him/her." "He/She acted as if he/she thought I was pretty cool. Now the truth comes out!" "I feel dirty. I am neither as good nor as bad as they say." "Why is all this ancient stuff being drudged up and thrown in my face?" Recognize yourself in any of this? Had similar feelings? It is normal. By understanding anyone's normal self-centered and defensive reaction to being judged and realizing that your feelings are automatically programmed to respond self-protectively in such situations, you have won half the battle, because with understanding can come a modicum of control.
"…identify 5 to 10 specific components to be evaluated for each key performance standard. If one of your standards is professionalism, it must be dissected into specific, observable tasks, skills, attitudes, behaviors, and attributes that characterize what a lawyer must do to demonstrate that quality. For example, one component might be 'attention to detail': is thorough and tenacious in completing complex and multifaceted tasks; work product is neat and free of errors."
You: Well, how am I doing? Partner: What do you mean? You: You know, my work performance. Is it okay? In your opinion, am I partner material? What does the bonus situation look like this year? How much do you think I will get?Here's what you did wrong in this conversation. First, you put the partner on the spot. You did not give him/her enough time to reflectively respond to your first question before you asked the second question. As for the second question, if you have only been with the firm a few years, there may be no way of telling if you are or are not partner material. True, impressions about you have begun to form. But those impressions can and will change over time. So the first piece of advice is to avoid asking about partnerships.
You: Do you think I did okay on the Laughingbod case?I'm only asking because I respect your opinion, and your feedback can only be helpful. (Pause)Here's What You did right in this conversation.(1) You asked for advice, which flatters the potential advice giver. (2) You didn't bombard him/her with additional questions. You asked an open-ended question that gave the other person wide latitude in how to respond. (3) You got the advice giver to point out problems; but more important strategically, you got him/her to partner with you in working on the problem. You moved the advice giver into your corner as a helper/facilitator. (4) Finally, you didn't become a pain in the ass by dwelling on the subject. You moved on, allowing the supervising attorney to do the same. The above hypothetical conversation may or may not be difficult to replicate. It suggests an already comfortable relationship between supervising lawyer and associate; but a loose approximation of such a discussion can be conducted with anyone as long as you remember to keep your question simple, open-ended, and focused on a specific task or tasks. Your primary goal: Get a supervisory attorney to take some responsibility for your development. This does not mean mentoring in the classic sense of the word. You're merely asking for an occasional on-the-job critique from someone who may even busier than you; so you cannot ask for this directly, but only hope that it is offered. If it is, this person could eventually evolve into your mentor.
Partner: I thought you did okay. (Pause) You might edit your stuff a little more carefully before turning it in. You write persuasively, and I've complimented you on your citations, and you're great at meeting deadlines, but as you know, I've also pointed out some problems from time to time, not serious, you understand, but an indication that your language can use some tightening. I'll work with you on this. It was a problem I also had when I first started working here. I had to learn how the law firm did things. I might add that others have noted how well you handle the client. You're very relaxed and professional, and I've heard a lot of favorable comments.
You: Thanks. Now, about the Laughingbod Case. I next plan to…..etc.
"Success at a law firm is about human relationships," says Peter Sloan, a career development partner at Kansas City's Blackwell Sanders. Every time you meet someone new-a partner, another first-year, your secretary-smile. Introduce yourself. Take the time to ask the person a bit about him/herself. Be the kind of person people like to work with, says Sloan. "You'll lay the groundwork for the relationships you'll need to get ahead."Sloan makes smiling sound like a cynical career move, but it is more than that. It may not help you get ahead, as he assumes; but smiling can reshape your approach to work, to your fellow lawyers, and to life in general. Like physical exercise, it is necessary for a healthy existence. So look upon smiling as producing multiple benefits, some of which may be that people will like you better and be more disposed to giving you a break.
139 Reviews| Average: 4 out of 5
AGREE/DISAGREE? SHARE COMMENTS ANONYMOUSLY! We Want to Hear Your Thoughts! Tell Us What You Think!!


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My DIY At-Home Manicure Technique That Totally Looks Like I Went to the Salon
Salon quality nails without the salon quality small talk!
There really isn't a whole lot of information out there on how to use henna on your nails. However, with much research and trial, I have come up with a basic method for using henna to have translucent, strong, red nails that are long-lasting and unique.
Henna is a plant that has been used for thousands of years in tropical regions of the world. Evidence of henna used as hair dye goes back about 6,000 years in Africa, Western and Southern Asia, and Australia. Today, Henna grows all around the world, mainly around the equator, as it needs very warm temperatures to develop it's Lawsonia molecules, which is where the color comes from.
These molecules bind to the keratin in our skin, hair and nails to create a reddish-orange stain. Henna is used cosmetically to dye nails and skin in either large, bright swaths, or is artfully applied to create innumerable gorgeous designs.
The color itself can last a few days or weeks on skin, depending on how and where it's applied. On hair, it creates a permanent effect, and sometimes cannot be dyed over with conventional hair dyes. On nails, henna creates a reddish stain for about a week without any protection from water and soap but can last until the nail grows out with proper maintenance.
Hennotannic acid is responsible for this color. It bonds permanently with cells, and lasts until those cells are shed; this means that body-art henna will fade gradually until completely disappearing, which is pretty darn cool.
Choosing a henna to use is all about preference. You can buy pre-mixed creams and pastes, but you really should be wary. Many additives that are OK for some can cause contact dermatitis in others, especially in hair-based formulas. The simplest way to make sure your product is pure is to mix it yourself with a powdered formula.
Jamila brand is considered BAQ (body art quality), which is generally a safer product. Stay completely away from "black" hennas--these can contain para-phenylenediamine, or PPD's which, ahem, are also present in some commercial box hair colors. This chemical causes burning, sensitivity and other health problems.
Henna is always a family of reddish, orange, and brownish colors; anything else has other pigments added. Some--such as cassia, annatto, indigo, and walnut--are perfectly safe, but others are just not safe for topical use.
A simple henna recipe can be made in a small batch in a ziplock bag to skip making a mess. You need no more than a chickpea-sized ball of product for each nail application, so one small box of henna will outlast its use-by date if you only use it on your nails.
The basic gist is to activate the molecules with an acidic component so they can penetrate the skin. Most use lemon juice. The mixture must sit for 6 to 12 hours while the molecules are hydrolyzed by the acid. This sets the chemical reaction in motion, so as the moist henna sits on a keratin surface, the lawsone travels into it, and the cell holds onto the color until that cell dies and is shed.
My Simple Henna Formula
In a small ziplock bag mix the following:
• 1tbs Body art quality henna powder
• add lemon juice by the ⅛ tsp until a thick paste is formed
• seal bag, mix well, and refrigerate for 6 to 12 hours
While your paste is chillin', let's talk about the pros and cons of using henna for a nail color.
I personally turned to henna for a few reasons. It is a widely used cure for nail ailments in other parts of the world. Henna's anti-microbial, anti-fungal, and anti-bacterial action is why. Construction workers and other outdoorsman in hot countries put henna leaves in their boots to ward off athletes foot and nail fungus. A bonus is the embedded color molecules, when applied as a paste, also harden (strengthen) the hair and nails.
I was having some SERIOUS nail issues a few years back. I went to a cheapie nail salon to get a mani/pedi, and decided to get a gel manicure. This came with a 20-minute foot massage--20 minutes! I was basically passing out, and while that was happening, the nail technician applied not gel to my nails, but acrylic powder!
This was devastating to me, as I was a previously recovered acrylic addict, which is not an easy habit to break. I was also an ass-busting bartender and simultaneously a bombshell cocktail waitress, meaning my nails needed to look perfect enough to place a glass of Dom P on a well-lit napkin but durable enough to power pour eight vodka sodas sometimes in the same week. This meant I would be keeping the sordid nail coating for awhile. (Needless to say, the final insult came when that great foot massage and pedi also came with some toenail fungus a few weeks later. GREAT.)
I'm a damned beauty school grad--I knew better. But I cheaped out and paid a bigger price. I tried fighting off the toenail fungus, it was the kind that made the nails soft and peely. Then, constant exposure to water at work left my fingernails separating from the nail bed in some places.
I scoured my natural cure boards and Ayurvedic reading and settled upon a solution for my sad fingers and toes. Henna to the rescue! And rescue it did.
I patiently applied henna paste to all 20 nail beds, and wrapped henna around both ring fingers, where the nais were almost separated halfway down the nail bed. (GROSS!) After about a month, my nails were freaking perfect.
And here, two-ish years later, they are beyond perfect. They are strong, healthy, fungus-free, fully attached to the nail bed, and red 24/7, which is exactly what I wanted.
Before you jump on it and get your hands dirty (and you might) you really need to know the truth: This is a potentially VERY messy procedure. Once the dye is active, it will stain the hell out of ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. This will stain your skin even if you catch it and wipe it off right away. I work with only a pea-sized amount at a time, and apply it with an angled eyeliner brush.
Another con is color consistency. Some nails get darker than others, sometimes it fades and looks really yucky, kind of like blood, which not everyone is down with.
The good news is that Marci's glue mani saver keeps things on-point, and that if you use the henna drying on your nails as an excuse to sit the eff still for more than five minutes, major messes can be avoided.
For color issues, you can add a number of essential oils to darken the formula. Tea tree, eucalyptus, lavender, and clove can all be used. I use a product called Shelly Oil, which is a mixture of cajeput, eucalyptus, and citronella. It smells like bug spray, but makes the red take deeply.
The Process
• Make sure nails are free of all old polish and debris, and are filed neatly with cuticles pushed back.
• Wipe nails clean with vinegar to remove any traces of dirt, grime, or oil.
After removing all traces of the paste, apply two coats of your favorite top coat.
Some Helpful Tips
• Try not to fall asleep with the henna on unless you want to end up like CeCe from New Girl. I used to try to leave the dried paste on my nails overnight, but I usually woke up to more than one stain, and the last straw was when I got one on my face.
• Work with the smallest amount of paste you can, if you drip it on something, you won't be happy.
• The color builds up with further applications, so if you want to go extra-bright, skip the topcoat until you have completed 2 or 3 separate coats with the paste.
Post pictures of your results if you try it!


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- 1 PhDs
- 557 Students
- Private Institution Type
The Hertie School was founded as a private, non-profit institution in 2003 by the Hertie Foundation and was established as one of the first professional schools for public policy in Germany. As an ambassador of good governance, the Hertie School has become a hub for top scholars and researchers, as well as experts and representatives from the spheres of politics, business and civil society.
The School's teaching and research activities address 'real-world' concerns, balancing a practical, problem-oriented approach based on the insights from across the social sciences, as well as law and history, with a sound conceptual understanding of underlying patterns and processes of governance and policy-making.
An interdisciplinary focus and an emphasis on applied research issues distinguish the Hertie School's research agenda.
At the heart of the Hertie School's research endeavours are three research clusters. The three research clusters are:
In addition there are four research centers:
As a professional school for public policy, the Hertie School gives students several opportunities to apply what they are learning and begin building a professional network.
MPP and MIA Students are expected to complete a summer internship between their first and second year of study. For students who want even more professional experience, the School offers a professional year between the first and second year of the programme. For internships and the professional year, the School has established relationships with a range of institutions to help students find a position.
The Hertie School also invites relevant professionals including alumni to its professional perspectives lecture series.
All questions related to getting started as a student at the Hertie School and getting settled in Berlin can be directed to the Student Affairs Team. They assist admitted applicants with issues such as obtaining external financial aid, health insurance, visa and residency registration, as well as accommodation.
Hertie students live off-campus in all parts of Berlin. Additional information on accommodation is available from the Student Affairs Team.
The library team sees it as its responsibility to equip students and faculty with the necessary tools for their academic research.
The library offers access to a long list of databases and the library team is constantly developing and building other research resources such as a print collection. The online catalogue is growing daily and offers students an overview of the library collections.
The Hertie School provides wireless LAN in the whole building but you can also access the internet via the LAN ports at the study room tables (short cables, usually grey, blue or red). Your computer will detect 3 wireless networks: "HS-Guest", "HS-Staff" and "HS-Student". Please always use HS-Student since this is the only network that allows for printing and scanning.
In Germany, every student studying at a state-recognised higher education institution is required by law to have health insurance. Students can direct all questions regarding health insurance to the Student Affairs Team.
The Hertie School campus is situated in the center of Berlin in the immediate neighborhood of the German parliament, ministries, think-tanks, consulting agencies, and international organizations.
The campus has a cafeteria, a library, a computer lab, and a student kitchen. Study and reading rooms are available for group projects and individual research sessions.
The Hertie School organizes countless events each semester: public lectures and panel discussions on today's biggest policy issues and their implications, the professional perspectives lecture series on possible career paths, and many more informal cultural and social events, such as the semester opening party or the country presentation series.
Since the inception of the Hertie School of Governance in 2003, student participation in the affairs of the School was provided for in the articles of incorporation and organized by study programme and class year.The Hertie School Student Association (HSA), the official student association at the Hertie School of Governance, is an important part of the Hertie School community and involved in many different areas, such as institutional decision-making and supporting the many student-run clubs and activities.
Together with the ISIC Association and British Council IELTS, StudyPortals offers you the chance to receive up to £10000 to expand your horizon and study abroad. We want to ultimately encourage you to study abroad in order to experience and explore new countries, cultures and languages.


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Exile is the best school of dialectics.
–Bertolt Brecht
Peter Gay emigrated from Germany when he was a teenager and worked his way through the American academic system, taking a doctorate at Columbia University and then setting out on his career as a historian. It has lasted more than fifty years so far–at Columbia and, eventually, Yale. (Now emeritus, Gay directs the New York Public Library's Center for Scholars and Writers.) His first book, which appeared in 1952, examined Eduard Bernstein and evolutionary socialism. From there, Gay proceeded to cultivate a long and fecund engagement with the French Enlightenment, translating, anthologizing and interpreting key texts, and in doing so establishing himself as a major figure in the field. He also wrote a history of Puritan historians in America, which only added to his reputation for being prolific and self-reflexive. Toward the end of the 1960s his interests shifted, and Gay began to study the Germany of his youth. The move resulted in an instant classic, Weimar Culture: The Outsider as Insider.
Gay's timing was excellent, as the zeitgeist in America had generated enthusiasm for the anti-establishment fulminations of German Expressionist art. Compact, lucid and informative, Weimar Culture had a ready audience both outside and inside academe. But while Gay admired innovators like Kandinsky and Rilke, he hardly celebrated Expressionism in general. Indeed, here is where we first see Gay's impatience with, even disdain for, the Modernist "revolt" against bourgeois culture. He wrote about "the danger of the movement's commitment to passion." And Gay heaped approbation on what was so often the object of its scorn, arguing that Weimar democracy had a chance against Nazism only "because there were republicans who took the symbol of Weimar seriously and who tried, persistently and courageously, to give the ideal real content."
Yet Gay was still years away from The Bourgeois Experience: Victoria to Freud, his five-volume attempt to rehabilitate nineteenth-century bourgeois culture. He seemed to be up to something altogether different, in fact. In the mid-1970s, Gay began to use an interpretive tool that often functions as a sledgehammer in theories of Victorian society: psychoanalysis.
Of course, Freud himself was in some ways thoroughly bourgeois. He worked assiduously and enjoyed family picnics. And, unlike many of the critics who have appropriated his thought–for example, Max Horkheimer, Theodor Adorno and Herbert Marcuse–Freud subscribed to moderate political values. Gay has made much of this point. In Freud, Jews and Other Germans, which appeared a decade after Weimar Culture, Gay not only employed Freudian concepts to understand history, he also discussed the founder of psychoanalysis under the heading "the bourgeois as revolutionary." A decade later, Gay invoked this oxymoron again in his greatest scholarly achievement, a biography of Freud.


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An upper GI test is a type of X-ray that helps doctors learn how your digestive system works. It doesn't hurt, although you won't be able to eat for a few hours beforehand. Watch this video to see what's involved.
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
© 1995-
Images provided by The Nemours Foundation, iStock, Getty Images, Veer, Shutterstock, and Clipart.com.


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The 2018 legislative session is right around the corner, and building momentum for action begins now! Join Energy Independent Vermont to learn more about the ESSEX Plan, as well as build your toolkit to be an effective citizen advocate for bold climate action and leadership in the upcoming legislative session and beyond.
Business and community leaders recently launched the ESSEX Plan, a new carbon pricing proposal that would deliver Vermonters the cleanest electricity at the lowest rates in the region. We're really excited about this Vermont-specific, future-oriented economic development plan (and hey–it's also effective in cutting carbon pollution!), and hope you'll join us to learn more about the plan and ways to plug-in to the campaign.
Learn about the co-authors and read the full ESSEX Plan atwww.energyindependentvt.or


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We may not often think of beer as a Valentine's Day gift. Ladies, think about it though, how many of you have a man who is really into the craft and micro beers these days?
Here's a look at few that have chocolate or fruit flavors. You could mix and match these into a gift basket or assortment similar to the traditional variety box of chocolates usually given on Veltnine's Day.
1. Bison Chocolate Stout - 100% Organic and 91 points from Ratebeer.com
2. Heavy Seas Noire Chocolate Stout - Dark, rich and bold
3. Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout - Smooth and velevety with a high ABV
4. Young's Chocolate Stout - An English tradition for over a century
5. Fat Heads Bumble Berry - A blueberry wheat beer with intense berry flavor
6. Chapeau Framboise - From the incredible tradition of Belgian fruit ales
7. Samuel Smith Strawberry - 100% organic, fresh, and delicious
8. Thirsty Dog Raspberry Ale - Just enough berry, but you can stilll taste the beer
If you want to try something really fun and interesting, mix on of the above chocolate stouts with the Framboise or Raspberry Ale. You get an incredible mix of chocolate / berry flavors that is unlike any beer you will ever have.
These beers are available locally in Mahoning County at Vintage Estates and in Trumbull County at The Havana House Niles, as well as other fine independent shops in our area.
Happy Valentine's Day to all the beer lovers out there!
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The Remington Arts Festival has celebrated arts and art excellence in the North Country for 17 years. Started by a committed group of volunteers in 2001, the Festival draws hundreds of visitors from all over St. Lawrence County and beyond.
The 17th Annual Remington Arts Festival will take place on September 28-30, 2018. We are looking to add volunteers from the community interested in growing this wonderful Canton tradition. If you are interested in art, music, or history – or just want to get involved in a fun activity or get to know new people – we would love to hear from you! Please contact us for more information!