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News of Maine's Coast and Islands
Penobscot Bay east to the Canadian border is "the sweet spot" for the fishery.
Tom Groening
Williams offers a mix of call to action, manifesto and a questioning of the status quo…
Carl Little
The company will pay a $40 million fine and eight of its ships will be monitored…
Staff Writer
If a person is environmentally conscious, she said, then "maybe a cruise ship is not the vacation you take."
Craig Idlebrook
The first commercial urchin landings were recorded in the early 1930s, with urchin roe already a valuable commodity for ethnic markets in Boston and New York
Heather Deese, Ph.D.
Susie Arnold, Ph.D.
More than 100 volunteers and supporters of Friends of Casco Bay attended a Jan. 24 recognition ceremony honoring those who give their time to help protect the environmental health of Casco Bay.
Boatyards, marinas and boat builders represent a large part of the state's island and coastal economies, accounting for more than 2,200 jobs. But these businesses, often run by families, are facing obstacles as they plan for future management and ownership.
Nick Battista
Briana Warner
Media, Economic Development, Marine
For eight years, Monhegan Island residents have faced the possibility that Maine Aqua Ventus would site offshore wind turbines two miles south of the island at a site designated by the state legislature.
Rob Snyder, Ph.D.
If you live in Jonesport, Rangeley or New Sweden, you may not feel like you have much in common with Swan's Island and neighboring Frenchboro Island. But a recent decision at the Maine Public Utilities Commission (PUC) suggests you have more in common than you might think.
Suzanne MacDonald
Media, Energy


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The tradition of celebrating Shrove-tide is quite frankly, as old as the hills. There are many wonderful websites and blogs that tell of the history of Shrove-tide, Carling Sunday, Collop Monday and "Shrove Tuesday", "Fat Tuesday" or as we are more likely to call it, "Pancake Day."
At the last minute, I decided to include the resource links at the bottom of this post and celebrate with a two syrup recipe booklets instead. Why? Well, it occurred to me that pancakes are often "naked" without Syrup!
First, let's get a little taste of a few superstitions bound in the diversions leading up to the Lenten Fast. I found these two ditties in, of all places, Old English Sports by Peter Hampson Ditchfield (1891)
And dainty tables spread, and all beset with guests about."
Describing the old English carnival: Mardi Gras?
Accompanied with pomp, and guard, and other stately things.
Some like wild beasts do run abroad in skins that divers be
Arrayed, and eke with loathsome shapes, that dreadful are to see,
They counterfeit both bears and wolves, and lions fierce in sight,
And raging bulls; some play the cranes, with wings and stilts upright."
These rather humorous excerpts were harvested from the Encyclopaedia of Superstitions, Folklore, and the Occult Sciences (1903) available at google books:
1. It is a saying among the Walloons that if a woman spins on "Mardi gras" (Shrove Tuesday) the flax crop will fail.
2. In Macedonia, just the same as in many other countries, there is great feasting on the night before Lent. At the end of the banquet all the crumbs are gathered up in the tablecloth and shaken outside the gate. This is done to cast out all the fleas in the house.
3. If sausages and sauerkraut are eaten at Shrovetide, good luck will follow. (North Germany).
4. At Basum near Osnabrück, Germany, it is considered lucky to throw stones at cocks at Shrovetide.
5. On the last day of Shrovetide a procession of masqueraders, goes through the streets of Bohemian villages headed by "Shrovetide" himself with a straw hat fancifully made, on his head. Who ever can snatch a straw from his head gear and place it under the setting hen the following spring, or under the old goose, can be sure the eggs will hatch well.
6. Shrovetide or butter week is a great holiday-time in Russia, and in fact is called "mad week," for they do all sorts of strange things, dressing up in odd costumes, going about in masks to their friends, dancing, making merry, and drinking until they are "mad as March hares."
7. If you eat soup on Shrovetide you will have a dripping nose.
8. After frying doughnuts on Shrove Tuesday, take the fat and grease all the iron implements in the house, and they will not rust that year.
9. Eat pancakes on Shrove Tuesday and gray peas on Ash-Wednesday, and you'll have money all the year round.
10. If you eat milk on Shrove Tuesday you will not get burnt by the sun in summer.
11. If you bake pancakes on pancake-day (Shrove Tuesday) your house will be free from roaches, bugs, and vermin for the year.
A Bucket of Syrup
The recipe for Griddle Cakes is from the above die-cut tally card booklet. I have many die-cut recipe booklets, booklets in the shape of the product that is advertised but, this is one of the few booklets that I have that are advertising bridge tally cards. Cool huh!
The following Log Cabin die-cut recipe booklet you may have seen before. I shared a few recipes from it to celebrate the 200th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's birth last year.
Two recipes for griddle cakes for Pancake Day. (click to enlarge)
I must apologize for tossing this post together but something unexpected has come up and I probably won't get to posting for a couple of days. I will have access to my computer so I will be catching up on all of your blogs. You can "catch" my previous Pancake Day post in the column on the left. I celebrated Pancake Day last year and I kicked off Pancake Week Sunday with Dutch Babies just in case you missed them. Have FUN!!!
Just a Note: Today is also National Almond Day and tomorrow is world Cabbage Day. I so wanted to post for World Cabbage Day:( Here's a recipe for Cabbage Crepes from a previous post.
1. Shrove Tuesday in England
2. Pancake Day in Ireland
3. Fat Tuesday in Poland
4. Shrove Tuesday in Lithuania
5. Finnish Shrove-Tide
6. Shrovetide in Russia
7. Shrovetide Football
8. Old English Sports, by Peter Hampson Ditchfield (1891)
9. Pancakes for Shrove Tuesday
10. Shrove Tuesday Buns
11. Pancake Day @ Wilson's Almanac

subset: commoncrawl


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Dear ladies,
I am by no means a woman basher nor the hating type. Just a few observations and opinions I wanted to elaborate on. Before I go in, just know that I love you all dearly…
With that said, enlighten me on what you consider a "thirsty nigga". How can a female post overly enticing photos and statuses to draw in men, gain sexual attention and then turn around and be offended when men respond to certain behavior? What were you expecting? Then beyond that, the quality of men don't live up to your expectations and you wanna down the gender? On top of that, you adore the attention but complain about receiving messages and comments from men responding to your posts, your pictures, your cries for attention? Help me make sense of it all.
Women are the most confusing species on the planet, yet man can't live without them. Women are the root of our existence but carry the most emotion. What is it that you truly want? You will fight for and go to war for a man who has little to nothing going for him or you, and has done you wrong or currently mistreats and misleads you. But in reality will deny a good man, who has a future and his life together. For what?
Our generation is a mess all because y'all think that what you see and what you're fed is what you want, need or deserve. Social media and hip hop make it okay to be a baller, yet we overlook the job or work put in to become said icon. It makes it okay to be an entertainer or exotic dancer but just because media glorifies the art doesn't mean it is something to be proud and dignified of. Imagine if your mother was a stripper? Would you be proud of that? Imagine if your mom was half naked with her blessings on display for social media? Would you embrace that? If you had a child, would you be supportive and happy with your daughters decision to sell her looks as a means to gather popularity, money, attention?
Women used to be the building block of a family. The foundation for what a home was built on. I still believe in tradition, in happiness, love, longevity and the woman being a queen. As I said in the beginning, this isn't a denunciation or meant to cause any drama. I just want women to be and live up to the true meaning behind their purpose and existence. Regardless of the life you choose to lead, you're still a part of the most beautiful and precious species on the planet. Have faith, dignity and respect for yourself. Be the queen you were created to be. Don't sell yourself for a little shine. Don't utilize your looks as a means for attention, survival, or income.
Be more than you're appearance. Seek more than a "right now" guy. Stop acting like your inbox is some sacred, hallowed location where only certain men are permitted to establish your acquaintance. We all know, in the real world, you get back what you put out. You receive what it is you seek. Our world continues to spin out of control and love has lost its value, meaning, purpose. With that said, what is it that you truly think, hope, believe you deserve or want? By all means….share your opinion. Real men want to know, and, as a real man, I still love you all.


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Code: Mole-2801
200 Watt Mini-Mole Solarspot
A small, rugged Solarspot that can be focused from spot-to-flood with an even field. Used in the Motion Picture and Television Studios and Still Photography as a key-light, back-light or kicker. Its small size makes the Mini-Mole adaptable to mounting on a camera as a camera light.


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Coldwell Banker Valley Brokers presents the 2011 Spring Open Homes Tours--Saturday, May 14, 2011 and Sunday, May 15, 2011 My Listings On Tour: 4015 NW Elmwood Drive, Corvallis, Oregon Hosted by Andy Caron Open: Saturday 5/14 from 11am-1pm 7925 NW Oxbow Drive, … [Read more...]
Announcing: Coldwell Banker Valley Brokers Property Management
Announcing: Coldwell Banker Valley Brokers Property Management There is a new property management choice in the local area--Coldwell Banker Valley Brokers Property Management Division, serving Corvallis, Albany, Philomath, Lebanon and other areas in the Mid-Willamette Valley. From apartment and home … [Read more...]
Spring Open House Tour- Sunday Line-up
Coldwell Banker Valley Brokers proudly presents this year's Spring Open House Tour. Here' a list of properties participating in this weekend's Spring Open House Tour: Sunday, May 2nd from 1:00 pm-4:00 pm OPEN HOUSE 9066 NW Lessie Place, Corvallis, Oregon Beautiful in every way, open, light and … [Read more...]
Spring Open House Tour- Saturday Line-up
Coldwell Banker Valley Brokers proudly presents this year's Spring Open House Tour. Here' a list of properties participating in this weekend's Spring Open House Tour: Saturday, May 1st from 11:00 am-1:00 pm OPEN HOUSE 4015 NW Elmwood Drive, Corvallis, Oregon Contemporary styling is beautiful, … [Read more...]
Don't Miss Out | Existing Homeowners may qualify too!
Don't Miss Out! Some existing homeowners who purchase a replacement personal residence may qualify for a tax credit as well. Here's a link to a guide that can help you determine if you qualify or not. Timing is crucial and of course, check with your tax advisor for complete details. This … [Read more...]
Important Items To Look For In A Home Inspection
Important Items to Look for In a Home Inspection For Buyers and Sellers Home inspections can vary from simple one page check lists to extensive multi-page documents. When evaluating written reports and/or selecting an inspector based on the report produced, there are several important factors to … [Read more...]
Recent Changes In Laws That Affect Oregon Real Estate
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How Would You Spend Your Tax Credit?
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Lebanon, Oregon | Absorption Rates through November 2009
Includes all single-family residential properties on less than two acres as reported by WVMLS. Data taken from WVMLS 12/9/2009 Price Range Active Listings as of 12/9/2009 Sold Listings Last 6 Months Average Sold Per Month Months of Inventory Av. Days on Market Solds $0 - … [Read more...]
Expanded and Extended Tax Credit Information–From the Expert
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To be or not to be, the question of Kenyan identity
I was named after my great-grandfather, who by all accounts, was a big scoundrel with an even bigger heart. I hail from the land of the original 'boda boda', so styled during the days when black mamba bicycles were the preferred mode of transport from the Busia-Kenya border, across no-man's land, to the Busia-Uganda border. As with most things, the truth is nuanced. While the blood of the renowned iron smelters of Samia and equally formidable rainmakers of Bunyore flows through my veins, I am a Nairobi bird, a native English speaker, born and bred in the green city in the sun. Most days, I bemoan the traffic and water shortages, fret about the cost of living, enjoy the vibrant intelligence and crazy humor of my fellow denizens, making a living, living life.
Living in a cosmopolitan city such as Nairobi, I have always taken for granted the fact that I am a Kenyan. Like my name, the provenance of my 'Kenyanness' has never been in doubt. During the promulgation of the 2010 Constitution, I stood at attention in front of the TV screen, tunelessly belting out the national anthem, overcome with emotion that Kenyans had finally come together to declare their vision for a free, just and inclusive society. I love Kenya fiercely, our land, our diversity, our legendary ability to find humor in the silly and the sad, the ridiculous and the bad. Seriously, Kenyans will laugh at anything.
Then came the year of our Lord 2017; We heard that an infant had been bludgeoned to death in her mother's arms – at home, that a girl child had been shot in the heart while standing on a balcony – at home, that a boy child had been shot in the head also playing on another balcony – at home and that a grandmother had been raped in front of her grandchildren-at home.
In 2017, we watched crowds in informal settlements keening in collective agony, singing dirges for their loved ones whom death had taken suddenly, violently, and inexplicably. 2017 was the year when outpouring of unimaginable grief was met with a stony silence, when the most vulnerable – infants, children, and the aged were blamed for having had the temerity to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I grieved deeply in 2017. It took me a while to recognize my grief, because it was not directly associated with the death of a loved one. I grieved because infants and children meeting violent deaths in their homes are catastrophic, unimaginable, events usually associated with conflict and war. I grieved because these events should have affronted our psyches and assaulted our sensibilities irrespective of our political, religious or other affiliations – but did not. I grieved most of all, because so many of the victims, some so very young, were perceived to have been completely unworthy of empathy.
The dictionary defines empathy as 'the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within the other person's frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another's position'. Empathy requires us to first identify with another human, before we can relate to their experience. At a fundamental level, we must consider them to be part of some core subset or community to which we belong. If we cannot, or chose not to identify with them in any way, we become immune to their suffering. We dehumanize them. That is why we heard many opine that the victims of violence were responsible for what happened to them because they were somehow involved in the protests, broke the law, or aided and abetted one crime or the other. What we were really hearing was that the victims did not belong to any core subset of those who dismissed their plight. Put simply, they were the 'other'. Alien.
2017 made me realize that, when many talk about being Kenyan, about being of 'the people', they subconsciously exclude individuals from large swathes of the country. Not because these individuals eat, live, vote or pray in any particular way, but because of the one thing they cannot change – their ancestry. It is ancestry, not age, religion, class or political affiliation, that permits or precludes admission to the sacred circle of belonging.
To be sure, there is nothing wrong with identifying with one's ancestors. Human beings are social animals with a fundamental desire to belong. Our primary identification of self is relational, grounded in family, and mostly correlated with ancestry. However, a huge problem occurs when groups conflate two identities such as nationality and ancestry, a common phenomenon experienced in many post-colonial countries like Kenya. In such circumstances, if one does not belong to a given ancestral group, they are not just the 'other'; they simply do not belong to that nation. Psychologically, they are rendered stateless and nationless, devoid of the rights conferred by citizenship.
In 2017, I found myself in the midst of an identity crisis as profound as any experienced as a teenager. Having been born and bred in Nairobi, having spent my entire life in multicultural and multiethnic communities, having always identified myself first and foremost as a Kenyan, I found myself struggling to understand how it was that Kenyan children could be bludgeoned and shot to death without so much as an acknowledgement from a good proportion of the population. Where was the universal outrage, the moments of silence, the soul searching? Where were the calls to put aside differences in the face of such tragedy? Where in our collective psyche had such a callous disregard of human suffering emanated from?
As I ruminated over these events, sometimes feverishly, sometimes with a deep sadness, it came to me that, for many of my fellow Kenyans, these were not tragedies at all. As a result of the conflation of national and ancestral identity, they perceived the protests to be attacks against the 'true' Kenyans – themselves. In this light, the protesters were not just alien, they were a threat! It mattered little that suckling babies are a threat only in proportion to the height of their mothers' bust lines. What mattered was that the victims came from areas that did not belong in the sacred circle. They were the 'other'. Alien.
Perhaps the most serious consequence of the non-reaction to the violence of 2017 from so many quarters, was that many Kenyans feel that their fundamental Kenyanness, their right to be Kenyan, their very humanity has been questioned simply because of their ancestry. This poses a real and present danger to the fabric of our nation because the need to belong is instinctive and primal. Particularly so within the African context where one's social 'self' is just as important as one's individual 'self'. We associate belonging with identity, security and acceptance. Psychologically, we cannot tolerate alienation. It is why the threat of ostracism is such a powerful deterrent to inappropriate behavior. We will always seek to belong somewhere, and if we cannot move, we will strive to create a place of belonging where we are. It is not an exaggeration to say that 2017 has put Kenyans at the doorstep of an existential crisis.
There is however, a silver lining to this cloud. In 2008, during one of the darkest periods since independence, Kofi Annan told us that crisis presents both danger and opportunity. The 2007/8 crisis was the catalyst that produced the 2010 Constitution which was the first time all Kenyans had come together to create a truly progressive vision for our future. In a very real sense, it was true birth of our great republic, coming as it did after our conception in 1963 before most Kenyans were born. Today, we have the opportunity to re-imagine our psychological definition of what it means to be Kenyan, to inculcate in our children the truth that, of all our identities, the one called Kenyan is multiethnic, multicultural, multiracial, universal and inclusive. An identity that embraces rather than fears diversity, one that acknowledges the sanctity of life and honors the dignity of each and every Kenyan, regardless of the origin of their ancestors.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER: A millennial's reflection on marriage
There's something uncomfortable about looking at pictures of your parents at a time when they made each other happy. – Aminatta Forna
Our parents are an example of two things:
What marriage should be like;
What marriage should not be like.
I met the husband I never married when I was sixteen. He became the biological father of my child a few years later and he was proud to call me his wife. We never had a wedding albeit living together … in theory – as he often travelled meaning we did not really spend much time together. And by the time we reunited, we had spent so much time apart that we felt like strangers. We had become accustomed to making separate decisions in separate countries and over time, our worldviews evolved in divergent directions. As I had become a mother at a very young age, I started, as many women might, feeling a little empty. My child was growing older and being a mother could not define my whole identity. What happened to all the things my younger self-thought I would one day do?
My parents, who are card-holding members of the Baby Boomer generation, modeled to me as a child, that in a marriage, one stays put until death do us apart. You may hurt and drain yourself, but in the end, you will have done the honourable thing by staying wedded.
Later in life, parents resting in their graves, married to death, you look back at old photos and realise they were once possibly happy. They had good times. They kissed, loved and laughed. Then I mirror that against my own relationship that did not stand the test of time.
Old photos with your former partner, only tell one little part of the whole story – the part that is most hopeful and happy.
Happy … that little word people have written hundreds of books about because we are socialised to seek happiness all our lives. These popular notions do not really capture the full spectrum of the human experience but they continue to prevail over the choices we make and do not make.
I did not choose to be born to a Kenyan father and a Russian mother. Yet, they informed a large part of the insecurity I both consciously and subconsciously developed around love and marriage. They informed the choices I made and they informed the choices I did not make.
As a woman in her 30s reflecting on my parents' complex marriage, I have developed a curiosity about what really built their union; why did they stay together, despite the unforgiving conflicts?
I do not have any easy answers but in the process of dissecting the complexities, I came to realise how daring my parents were. They ventured outside the bonds of their culture, and, merged to find solace in each other, creating new identities in worlds that were distinct from the worlds they were born into.
My father was an intellectual, who studiously worked toward a success he had defined in his mind. He was among the privileged Kenyan Baby Boomers, from his hometown, Kuria, and from the country in general, to travel abroad for higher education circa 1965. Not only did he travel overseas, he travelled into the tensions of the Soviet Union at the height of the cold war.
I have tried to recreate the past in my mind. What was life like for a young black African man in my mother's hometown, the southern city of Krasnodar, close to the Black Sea – the warmer part of the country. If only I was older during his final days, we might have had these conversations, and I would be better informed. There were times, as a child, I felt he wanted to tell me more but he did not know how too. We would sit and stare at each other. He would murmur something incomprehensible to my young mind about his regrets. Years later, I hold vague memories of what might have transpired. He wanted to speak of the hardships of his past. He wanted to talk of the racial hardships in the USSR. The Soviets, who had been isolated from the rest of the world found African people completely alien and projected all manner of negative stereotypes. In my view, it was not an overt kind of racism with a historical context common in the West. It stemmed from a profiling of the unknown given that exposure to black people was nearly none existent. The name-calling took place mainly amongst the men, who over a few drinks could become fast friends. This is not to say grave and violent incidents did not occur, more so among the less educated or jobless. Being the studious man he was, he persevered through it all and gained the respect of the Soviets, going on to earn a PhD in Agricultural Engineering.
I also heard he handled quite a number of substantive projects and began to earn money that distinguished him from the rest of his peers. In time this made him something of an outlier and an exotic catch for the Russian ladies. Many women of the time harboured dreams of any ticket out of the USSR. They were told of a tropical location with succulent mangoes and sunny days throughout the year. The commonly viable escape was the West and Africa in its remoteness, held a certain allure for the adventurous.
The alcoholic addiction that afflicted the troubled Soviet men further made the foreign men a more appealing option regardless of race. The strong Soviet women kept the homes going and the broken men found solace in war songs and vodka shots. The contrast in modest behaviour and disciplined lifestyles displayed by African men made them objects of curiosity for many women. They were hard-working and appeared to have clear visions for their future. They all dreamt of the big things they would do back home. Mixed-race children like I came to be known as 'mulatos'. But it was not that simple. While my grandmother was against the idea of mixing blood and polluting the purity of their race, the Baby Boomers dared to be different. Not all had the courage to do so, as my mother did. Several women would end up aborting their mixed-race babies. My mother bore my sister in 1980, and as normally happens, the family grew fond of the baby. Although my sister recalls having a happy early childhood there, it was deemed not the most suitable option to raise a mixed-race child in the Krasnodar Krai.
Among the Africans, the Kenyans were deemed reliable and quite a number of them proudly brought their dainty Russian brides home. My father was fluent in Russian. So fluent that if someone spoke to him on phone, not having seen his face, they would assume that he was white and possibly blue or hazel eyed. I know he was also a charmer, for I recall him fondling my mother in front of other guests at parties, who themselves were too conservative to do the same with their partners. He was a man defined by his zeal, swinging between extremes of utter joy and frightful bitterness, as if he embodied two different people.
His public displays of affection toward my mother embarrassed me. Compared to the restraint of his peers, he seemed inappropriate. I questioned the authenticity as well. I would normally walk away from the scene thinking of it as a short-lived façade. By the third day of the week, they would be throwing unpleasant curses at each other. This was my normal, outside the fixed smiles in the family photos.
My mother was also an educated woman with a Masters degree in Economics and a beautiful cursive handwriting that I worked hard to emulate. The quality of the education, for all men and women alike, was high; the one thing the country did not compromise amid the chaos leading to the fall of the USSR was educational standards. While the men were burdened by the trauma of the cumulative conflicts of the time and the patriotic duty as the state's soldiers, who put their lives forward for their country – willingly – many at a steep price, the women ended up filling the ranks as the brains of their institutions. It was common to have a significant number of women in varied fields from accounting to aeronautics. The first Russian woman in the world to fly to space in the 1960s was Valentina Vladimirovna – coincidentally, my mother was also a Vladimirovna.
There is a subtext to this inclusivity. The legal equality of women and men in Russia came circa 1917 under Lenin, who believed that women had a crucial and economic role to play in the communist revolution and need not be tied down to domestic roles. For about a decade (before much was reversed) not only was abortion legalized, but marriage was separated from the church and children born out of wedlock enjoyed equal rights. It always positively baffles me that the likes of my mother were born into Women's Rights and still prioritized domesticated roles and motherhood above other pursuits of self.
My father, on the other hand, had been away from home for about 15 years. Through his hard work, the young family moved to Kenya around 1985, to start a new and supposedly free life under the sun. There were high expectations placed on my father, having been a pioneer of high education and interracial marriage in his community. He felt obliged to come back with a family, look settled and successful, with several not-so-well-off relatives waiting for the 'benefits' of his achievements. As Yvonne Owuor wrote in Dust, they would, "show up in every inconvenient season with a long story, one thin dead chicken – stolen – and hands outstretched to receive alms," from him.
To his community, he was a new man. He returned wearing his one of a kind velvet suits, reading Russian books and playing vinyl records from our very large collection. I clearly remember Donna Summer among them. Mother blended into the Kenyan workforce and even joined a Kuria women's chama. Her outward calmness, elegance and dedication to being a homemaker, disguised her actual bravery. She had rebelled against a system; left her homeland, found ways to sink roots in a new land and raise a family. She spent occasional nights missing Mother Russia- when she'd sit in the verandah after dinner, the glass door shut, looking out into the darkness in deep thought, having a cigarette whose puffs took her back home – the only times I saw her smoke. I would watch her silently from a corner of the sitting room, out of her line sight trying to read her pensive mood.
Like the round leaf and a lily flower that floats on the surface of the water in a pond, my parents sustained each other. A symbiotic relationship, picturesque on the surface and turbid below. So they floated, one upon the other, content in regiment, solid in growth only to be fragmented in loss.
Is that what marriage really is? A deep-rooted binding institution, further complicated by our heritage, nurturing, beliefs; something that I misunderstood while I fixated on my parents' photos? How could I trust this institution?
So a few years into my own, so-to-say, customary marriage, the union finally came to an end. It was not a one-day affair. It was a steady decline; an airplane preparing for landing in bad weather accompanied by a series of drastic actions, and regret that it could not have gone any other way. It was not a smooth landing.
I began rebuilding the parts of me I had shattered. He too left to pick up the parked parts of his life before my existence. I was the interlude that gave it an ideal neither of us could live up to. I once thought leaving was strength until I realised the strength was in the staying. I did not have the courage my mother had to stay. Neither can I be certain that she should have.
Having made peace with the paradox of choice, I went through a period of exploring life stories – memoirs and autobiographies. Among them was Wangari Maathai's Unbowed where she explored what I would call a traditional childhood, girlhood and transition to womanhood in the context of her Kikuyu upbringing.
Roles were defined, expectations were clear – no surprises. Family and marriage were a communal affair necessitated by the need to organise life, retain values and manage the community's resources. You could not wake up one morning and decide to unlove someone. Neither could you voluntarily neglect your role.
Her parents were of a time when polygamy was a norm. Co-wives were friends and the children played together, calling all the wives 'mother'. Wangari writes that she did not sense any discrimination and if her parents had any problems they were kept out of it; she never saw them argue. Perhaps it was not acceptable for a wife to be confrontational with her husband. Nonetheless, roles and expectations were not ambiguous. It was not about the individual, it was about the community. Marriage was an expectation and families in the same homestead often married from the same community, expectedly grooming certain young men and women for marriage. This generally meant you married someone with shared communal values. You learnt to love and respect each other. We cannot ascertain that this would always be the case, but longevity of marriage was in some way guaranteed.
Wangari herself, who pursued her higher education in America, never witnessed the traditional longevity of her marriage. Her husband called it quits. She said her husband claimed that she was, "too educated, too strong, too successful, too stubborn and too hard to control." But rather than defend these reasons (of which I suspect were traits she was, in fact, proud of) she beautifully captured the fragility of contemporary marriages when examined objectively.
"When we go through profound experiences, they change us. We risk our relationships with friends and family. They may not like the decisions we have taken or may feel threatened by our decisions. They may wonder what happened to the person they once knew. There may not be enough space in a relationship for aspirations and beliefs or mutual interests and aims to unfold. For a couple, this is particularly so because most people marry young and are bound to grow and change in their perceptions and appreciation of life."
Regardless of this opinion, she wanted to keep her marriage for social reasons but did not wish to give up any of her aspirations for a more traditional role. Her marriage was officially annulled in 1979 but her bigger picture still stood as, "I was still the chairman of the National Council for Women of Kenya and I was still developing the Green Belt Movement."
Influenced by the American school of thought, she needed to accomplish what she felt was her mission in life. "I also took America back to Kenya with me … There is a persistence, a seriousness, and a vision to America: it seems to know where it is going and it will go in that direction, whether you like it or not." Wangari held onto her aspirations, my mother held onto her family- both strong choices for women who came from family-oriented communities. Wangari showed her strength overtly, my mother held it silently.
So I say to myself, let bygones be bygones as I examine contemporary marriages in search of role models to follow. In this new age, many of my millennial peers have had the opportunity to study abroad, subscribe to western notions of love and romance and have bought into the idea of one's individual aspirations as the epitome of the pursuit of happiness and fulfillment. Those I looked at for hope in marriage have not survived the institution. Some are living in the same home-like ghosts, at the brink of sanity. Others settled for companionship and neglected the institutional commitment of marriage. Others, like myself, have developed a phobic awareness of the responsibilities of marriage, and have acceded to the idea that it is bound to fail.
Marriage comes down to choice: the choices mama made, the choices Wangari made, the choices I am making. Their choice to leave or stay, evolved into my choice to marry or not, on the backdrop of my reflections and attitude toward their marriages. In as much as I judged their choices harshly in my younger years, I now look at them with empathy – an empathy that does not seek to explore that path. An empathy that looks at my modern life as an advantage in the freedom we think we hold and in how we navigate our lives. An empathy that elevates the value of companionship in our chaotic urban lives and dismisses the idea that marriage is crucial for its attainment – for after all, their stories show the loneliness their marriages hid and the irony of committing to a life partner but craving freedom. So much for the myth of Happily Ever After.
In retrospect, I feel I have found a new (but detached) appreciation for the institutional and dutiful nature of marriage in a world where choice has become narcissistic. Everything depends on the individual. Your happiness depends on you. Your misery depends on you. It is your fault for attracting a flawed partner. We continue to await the unattainable, The One. These are the egoistic ideals we ruin our communities chasing. We forget that by the very act of holding an identity card, we represent civil principles, we forget that marriage is supposed to give us certain rights in how birth, death and resources are organized, besides the traditional legitimacy within our community.
I take comfort in my choice to refrain from binding myself to the institution only to let it down. A comfort bred in the art of singlehood, while subconsciously in the search for that which I know I will never find – the Happily Ever After. Something my mother already knew when she chose to stay.
MILLENNIALS AND MARRIAGE: A Status Report
If a doctor were to diagnose millennial marriages, he would find them diseased, plagued by forces of nature beyond their control. These three anecdotes illustrate the three biggest challenges that millennials are grappling with in marriage.
In December 2014, I accompanied a friend to Embu, in Eastern Kenya for a ruracio (A traditional Agikuyu and Aembu wedding ceremony). It was a well-attended ceremony that brought together two traditions (Luo and Aembu) with a dash of modernity, given my friend had defied his family rejection of the woman's position (due to her ethnicity) – reveling in love and idealism of the youth and urbanization, to marry across ethnic lines.
The two had been living together since graduation, two years before, and the ruracio had been accelerated by an inevitable pregnancy, so the man had to 'make things right.' But they were married in every sense of the word upon the blessing of her parents after the Christmas Eve ruracio.
They were meant to live happily forever. However, forever did not last six months.
In a dramatic, if not disturbing discovery, it turned out the child was not his. The DNA results devastated my friend. They 'divorced', with no chance of remarrying.
At 27, life had served him one of the most brutal blows. My friend went into depression, taking to alcoholism, sleeping around, seeking solace in church before he could sober up a year later.
Not sure what became of the woman, except that she was 26, and was to be a part of growing number of single mothers under 30 in the country.
Is that the end for the two? We can assume that they may attempt to get married in the future.
A few years back, one of my closest friends fell out with a woman he was cohabiting with (more like kicked out of the house).
They were about the same age; however, the girlfriend joined the university earlier by going through the 'parallel program'. My friend waited for two years and a government stipend before joining the public university. She graduated way ahead of him, and by the time my friend was finishing his undergraduate, she was through with her masters. A parallel program averaged two and half years compared to a regular program that took four or five years and could be imperiled by a strike by students or lecturers.
She got into gainful employment, rose through the ranks in her organisation, and continued to support her man for two years before she got tired of the man's jobless status and dumped him. My friend is not the first man to be dumped or left because of his dim economic prospects.
Lastly is the case of Jeff Nyongesa*. When his wife requested his indulgence and permission for a night out with the girls, he grudgingly consented. They have a six-month-old baby, and the agreement was that she would be home by 11 pm. She was not home by midnight, and on calling her she didn't answer her phone, and worse she switched it off (or it ran out of charge). Seething, he called her mother and all her authoritative relatives and raised a storm, spelling it out in black and white that he was not happy with 'their daughter's' conduct. He says gleefully, this 'tamed' her.
In the first instance, the problem is adultery gone wrong. The second instance is an increasingly common problem, as we are hit with economic recession; many young men are jobless, underemployed—stuck in jobs that can hardly sustain them, let alone a marriage. It has aptly been called a mancession-where more male-dominated jobs are lost compared to female-dominated ones during a period of economic difficulty.
Understandably, men can provide for their unemployed wives, but for women, the support often comes tethered to an expiration date. And there is enough anecdotal evidence to support this. Undeniably, there are exceptions, but largely found among the ranks of older women with cultivated patience and not so much among the younger peers.
Women world over, while empowered and economically secure, are socialized to still desire a man who can provide, and the male status is linked to the role of a breadwinner. So dire, that in America, Trump's election was largely attributed to the scores of unemployed men in America's Rust Belt, who have lost their jobs to technology, or factories having been shipped to China or Mexico.
In a poll conducted in the US and published by the Harvard Business Review, ahead of the 2016 American elections, it emerged that even the thought of earning less than their spouses made men vote for Trump. Intuitively, men know what it means when a woman earns more.
A study done more than a decade ago and published in the journal of Biology Letters confirmed as much:
Men prefer younger women due to their higher fertility, while women prefer older men due to their wealth and high status, which makes them good providers for the offspring.
Nyongesa's case is a barometer of shifting cultural mores. As millennials, we are in a contradicting transition. As an Anthropologist, Paul Omondi (of the University of Nairobi) pithily puts it…
"A modern, educated woman can go to her job during the week, attend a chama meeting on Saturday, go drinking and dancing on Saturday night, go to Church on Sunday, and still make time for the family."
All her aspirations are antithetical to traditional African socially prescribed expectation of a woman's place in marriage.
We are stuck with an outdated ideological construction of gender. Men have resisted conformity to conventional feminism ideals that preach: what is sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander, hence the false sense of emasculation.
For all the progressive nuances and liberalism millennial men may have cultivated and displayed, if a poll is run on what men expect in women they want to marry, their expectations will correspond to the traditional expectations their fathers' generation. Women want a better version of their fathers for husbands: sensitive, available, liberal and preferably financially well off.
Both sexes are disappointed that neither is living in the traditional paradigm.
A brief history of Women Empowerment
Nobody should fault women for wanting it all. It was a necessary moral choice to empower women so that they can be active participants in the economic development.
The journey to gender equality started in 1975 at the UN Conference on Women. National governments acknowledged women as the missing link in national development and economic success. The authors of this paper, argue the intentions to empower women were good, the opportunity cost of not empowering women without involving men had socio-economic and political risks. The plight of the boy child in Kenya was not part of public discourse for nearly three decades until about a decade ago when Maendeleo ya Wanaume led by a dubious Nderitu Njoka surfaced and tried to articulate the problems of men in the wake of the gains accrued from women empowerment.
The Eurocentric education we inherited after colonialism altered our indigenous worldview in favour of the Western way of life. African women long suppressed by patriarchy would benefit from this education, and 40-odd years later since we started involving women in economic development, our country's GDP grew from $3.25 in 1975 to $ 75 billion in 2017, but not without socio-cultural consequences.
In education the gender gap reduced over the years to 59 percent for men and 41 for women by 2015, according to the Nation Media's Newsplex investigation. The gap is still shrinking, and career levering courses such as nursing, medicine, dental surgery, environmental studies, biochemistry and pharmacy are attracting 57 percent women compared to 43 percent men. And the Constitution of Kenya 2010 empowered women even more, with the two-thirds gender rule, giving them access to more opportunities both in the private and public sector.
Education has had multiple benefits, shaping societal attitudes to an extent vices such as gender-based-violence, female genital mutilation, deadbeat dads are actively discussed in society and the law, while slow, is now responsive, bolstered by the civil society mainstreaming of human rights issues.
Our mothers and their predecessors were forced to endure abusive marriages, some getting infected with HIV by promiscuous husbands, forced to stay by societal expectations, their choices limited by poverty, since men were the privileged breadwinner wielding all the social clout.
Education helped the society to stop frowning on single mothers and divorcees as it happens to the forerunners like Wangari Maathai and Martha Karua.
It has created an environment where women can thrive and have a bright future where their choices are not dictated by marriage.
Enter Kibaki
In 2002, Mwai Kibaki took over as Kenya's third president and the following decade witnessed an unprecedented growth, and expansion of the Kenyan economy, opening doors of educational and career opportunities to a wider previously ignored female demographic.
Following the adoption of self-sponsorship in higher education, in the 2000s, the expansion and the proliferation of several universities, more students previously cut off from university admission pegged on bed-capacity (notoriously at 10,000 for more than a decade.) This has churned out nearly 50,000 graduates each year in the last decade according to the Ministry of Education. Nearly 40 per cent of these graduates are female.
The jobs markets that exploded after Kibaki took over, were mainly in academia, marketing, banking and real estate (and the expansion of the Civil Society which addressed some of the most pressing issues affecting women and children) creating a friendly job environment for female career progression.
Coincidentally, throughout the 1990s, the Structural Adjustment Programs killed the manufacturing sectors as many industries were privatized, often subsequently run down. Examples are abound such as Kenya Railways, several textile industries grounded by the importation of second-hand clothes that sabotaged the whole chain of production. The postal service, Telkom, Public Works, farming lost out to privatization and once vibrant towns such as Kitale and Kilgoris in Transmara all but died.
Women may have joined the workforce, but they still lag in formal employment. According to the Kenya Bureau of Statistics, efforts to bridge the gap have been paying off. As of 2016, men still hold 65.5 % (1.68 million) of the workforce compared to women, 34.5% about 880,000. The gap is being closed considering more women than men are taking up Masters and PhDs, according to the Ministry of Education. One MoE official said the affirmative action had helped women access education and this presently reflects in the workplace in the corporate sector as more women take up managerial jobs.
The Impact
As millennials, we witnessed our fathers losing their jobs and their breadwinning roles and the logic of two-income families sunk in properly during the SAPs years. Indeed women aspiring for education was with the hope of bringing something to the table and among millennials a job (or the prospect of getting one) is usually a key consideration in marriage.
And we have education to thank for opening doors to more women, making them eligible for marriage in the present tough economic times.
But education had other effects.
Education in its socialization effect also exposes women to limitless choices their mothers never had. Urbanization creates an environment for a woman who was under a tight leash of patriarchy to excel in cities. And with the liberalization of the media in 2002, access to the internet, pornography and Hollywood, it meant millennial women were no longer chained to the constricting and narrowly defined roles of their mothers' generation.
With procreation no longer a pressing priority of marriage, women are free to chase academic and career dreams, or even their passion, until they are ready. Technology has enabled In-Vitro-Fertilization that has saved couples who can't conceive, or those who are too busy. Further options of adopting, surrogacy, freezing of eggs, are all sipping into our society and those who can afford are already embracing these new approaches to parenting.
Men, maybe out of moral consciousness or fear of being exposed as deadbeats on social media or legal coercion have become more responsive to the children of their estranged wives or exes. And many modern men are open to the idea of co-parenting. This makes single parenting less of a stigma.
For those averse to marriage, getting a child 'out of wedlock' is not the social crime it was two or three decades ago. Older women who find it hard to find a spouse can go to a sperm bank or can get into an arrangement with a man to supply the sperm and support, if needed.
Nowadays it is no longer what the children need, but what the parents want.
When women do not have to be economically dependent on men, and they have options of conceiving a child, not necessarily in the confines of marriage and this choice can change relationship dynamics completely.
Traditionally around the world marriage was a logical arrangement for procreation, economic and social cohesion.
The present economic, social and cultural environment for the first time since Industrial Revolution means we must alter that definition. Women want an equal footing in marriage and men have to readjust accordingly. Marriage now, according to Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel in an Atlantic article, is based not on duty and obligation but on love and affection.
And millennials prefer life in the cities and towns to the villages. This too has western implications on our societal mores. Life in the city affords one anonymity and access to sex, food, security in their terms.
In cities, women have a bigger pool of sexual and sensual talent to pick and choose. Sexual liberalism is evident.
In the bygone era, where most women were destined to be housewives, there were binding social conventions and women were expected to practice uncompromising fidelity. But at the workplace, with frequent traveling to conferences, business-related excursions sex has become casual and transactional. Now, everywhere women look, there are available men, who can offer everything they want, but not necessarily in one package.
We live in a time and in a society that has embraced the romance idealism defined through the Western cinematic universe. The relational power men held is no longer absolute and these societal changes are redefining gender relationships at a rapid speed. The ground has moved, the old ways have fallen apart and we know not where to turn.
From sex to money, men no longer have the monopoly to the things that they used to 'control' women. This means in the future marriage will become a contest for equality, with no spouse hoarding the power to control the other.
Choices Millennials have to make
Millennials marry on need basis. Women have choices; they can go to school, pursue career without the encumbrances of marriages. When they marry young, they still have a choice to navigate, despite the obligations of motherhood. With the leverage of personal income, most women now have the capacity to own property, changing the dynamics of matrimonial property ownership that are often the subject of ugly succession woes. As this Nation article and many others have shown more and more women are players in Nairobi's real estate market.
Me, on the other hand, will take longer to marry as long as their economic prospects are dim. Presently, the age of marriage has risen considerably to 28, tittering towards 30.
Most men still pine for the good old days of control and women can no longer conform to old gender order. Women want freedom, are ready to break the rules (if only to revenge on their adulterous husband) even as societal rules are kinder to a cheating man, as opposed to a woman. In fact, in my opinion, even women are finding monogamy to be too constricting. Millennial women have a higher likelihood of abandoning a marriage that does not serve their interests, as they tend to make more individualistic decisions that alienate them from obligations to the extended society.
What does the future look like for the millennials adulting?
Serial monogamy might make sense. Polygamy is not economically viable anymore and proselytizing Christians have made monogamy the only moral choice. More marriages will be undone by infidelity and the dwindling economic fortunes of men. Women no longer have to stay in an abusive relationship or one that is in emotionally or sexually unfulfilling relationships. Men will find themselves being thrown out and will have to learn to either shape up or pack up.
Single-motherhood will cease to bear the social stigma previously attached to it. And the rising age of marriage means individuals will be looking for companionship as opposed to the material or procreational aspirations of the youth.
But serial monogamy is predicated on experimentation. Once the first marriage is broken, people are afraid of the second trial, but will nonetheless experiment until the idea of a right person shows up.
"These days, many of us are going to have two or three significant long-term relationships or marriages," predicts psychotherapist Esther Perel.
MAN ENOUGH: Journeying Through Millennial Masculinity
The problem with becoming a man is that no one really teaches you how to live it out, partly because everyone will do masculinity in their own unique ways. But most importantly masculinity is really about the humanity of men and like all personhood, it carries in it the glories of personal questions, angsts, fears, and the pitfalls of a fallen soul in a complex world where up is sometimes down and down is sometimes up.
Masculinity is about being human. It is a core aspect of the male identity. My own personal journey of identification has always been a constant fight to shed off the resultant outcomes of falsely understood masculinity as a medal granted after fulfilling a 'real man is' kind of to-do-list. It does not help that for the most part the social hyper masculine man has been treated as the ideal while we of the nerdy, bookish, sensitive type males are seen as less masculine. Falling for the trap that sees ideal manliness as a forceful, public demonstrative role has forced many of the younger males who don't fit the macho image to incessantly pursue ways to caricature a gendered identity. This in turn renders male identity to be posturized and performative rather than authentic and human.
It's honestly a murky struggle navigating a world which observes the role of manhood as a performance rather than a human identity. The maxim, 'a real man' lends credence to manliness as a status; a hierarchical symbol achieved through jumping through subjective, socially instigated loops is disingenuous in character and practice. I personally consider maleness in all its variations as a complex identarian facet with different idiosyncrasies, insecurities, shortcomings, and desires.
According to J.R. Macnamara, in, Media and the Male Identity: The Making and Remaking of Men, less than 20% of media profiles reflect positive themes in depicting men and manhood. Violent crimes, including murder, assault, and armed robberies account for over 55% of all media reporting of what we males are thought to do. He also opines that over 30% of all male sexuality discussions in the media tend to be in relation to paedophilia, moreover, male heterosexuality is seen as violent, aggressive and domineering.
Over six months, the study involved a detailed analysis of over 2,000 media articles and program segments and an extensive content analysis of mass media portrayals of men and male identity focusing on news, features, current affairs, talk shows and lifestyle media.
By volume, 69 per cent of mass media reporting and commentary on our identity as males was unfavourable, compared with just 12 per cent favourable and 19 per cent neutral or balanced. Some of the recurring themes in the media content portrayed men as violent, sexually abusive, unable to be trusted with children, 'deadbeat dads', and commitment phobic and in need of 're-construction'.
"We are predominantly reported or portrayed in mass media as villains, aggressors, perverts and philanderers, with more than 75 per cent of all mass media representations of men and male identity showing men in on one of these four ways," Dr Macnamara says.
These perceptions and archetypes of manhood that are repeatedly endorsed by the media fraternity are incredibly damaging to the younger men whose concept of being a man is still forming. They live in a culture that continually treats them like defective girls according to Christina Hoff Sommers. This is a culture that equates masculine gender with propensity to violence, corruption, and other social ills. I empathise with men who are younger than me because the slant reporting and onslaught adds psychic violence to the neglect.
So acceptable has it become to view our male identity as a modern day pathology that even though fatherhood, we are often told, is important, few fathers tend to be home. Even then you'd think that fatherlessness is solely about derelict dads. It isn't. Father absence is primarily about a culture that has little regard for the male parent and the role they play in children's lives.
This modern society has no qualms publishing titles like 'Are fathers necessary? right on the front page of global dailies, and 'The End of Men'. This same society is influenced by gushing, well-resourced militant and hostile attitudes in academia, media fraternity and the public sphere more broadly, which are filled with manufactured performative rage, misplaced resentment and sentiments that share in a collective hatred for anything male or masculine.
As young Kenyans, it's even harder to centre our male identity within the global paradigm that views African masculinities through the lenses of fetishism on a good day and pathology every other day and twice on Sunday. It has become acceptable to ignore any male struggle denying it human empathy and identification because men, we are forever reminded have historically oppressed women. What is preferred is to ignore or downplay the role that reinforced trauma has done to African masculinity through the triple axis of slave trade, colonial racism and modern day criminalisation of blackness, and male blackness in particular.
These traumas for the most part accompanied by the muddled-and murky-gender power dynamics and relational confusion thanks to the "hook-up" culture and its societal wreckages have left my generation of men grappling with listlessness. I see this quandary all the time; the pressure to demonstrate material capacity within the gendered mating dance; the irony that in the dating market patriarchal men still rule the roost. Surprisingly male desirability is still tied to patriarchal ideals and pretensions, top among them displaying alpha tendencies, and hyper-maleness both in personality, phenotypically, and socioeconomic capacity.
Being countercultural as a man means getting comfortable with not having to embrace these popular, pre-packaged male identities and making peace with the fact that the alpha/beta males theory after all only applies to wolves, peacock, and maybe in the crab patriarchy, but not humans.
That, my masculinity is informed by my personality, history, worldview, messiness, pain and relief, answers (or lack thereof) and a litany of endless variables has meant that I've had to learn to be comfortable in who I am as a millennial man in a world that wants to mass produce men within a fetishized hyper-masculine ideal. Eff it! Sounds like my attitude and honestly, it's the relieving end-point in my journey of trying to be a millennial man or often just a man.
Looking at my father's generation their role(s) largely imploded into one bucket, that of providers. However, the changing relational dynamics has meant that this role within modern coupling has been split three-ways to accommodate the distinct aspects of functional responsibility for males; economic providers, good fathers, and active lovers/mates.
As an African man in a fast-changing social environment where gendered spectrums get widened by the day, I'm keenly aware of the stark portrayal of masculinity as a problem to be fixed; as a pathology; a flawed notion in its entirety, suspect and prone to incivility and violence. This is such a disempowering legacy and it exasperates me daily on how it's politically correct to talk about men in animalistic precambrian references. Truth is, every time we, young men feel emasculated and disempowered we are likely to react with passivity or perversion; an outcome that further entrenches the belief in the inherent evil(ness) of masculinity. The perversion often takes the form of gambling, alcoholism, porn, lewdness, and sometimes-outright violence.
Contra intuitively we seem to regard femininities as inherently good, that's why we tell men to get in touch with their feminine side; a call word for becoming good in a rather twisted view of virtue, identity and vice. Thanks to this incessant demonization, by now, it's becoming manifestly clear that more and more young men-tired of the vilification-are opting out of any meaningful economic or social contribution to society.
These are the reasons as to why I am often skeptical of these programs seeking to mentor young men. Most of them fall for the misconstrued idea that it is we the young males, rather than our environment which is the problem. It is of little use to encourage young men to be healthily masculine and noble in a culture that continually treats masculinity, in all its forms as bothersome, defective and unnecessary.
Growing up in a rural working class community, my upbringing and economic opportunities though markedly fewer, still count as a lot compared to the massive underclass of millennial men that I see around me. There also exists this massive contrast between the economic capacity expected of males as sold by advertisements and mass media vis-à-vis my economic fortune and that of the many males my age. Between commercialised manliness and the everyday lived experience of your average man, there exists this wide chasm filled with despair and depression among those who don't see themselves fitting into the popular archetype of the wealthy male. Then there are also those who see in themselves the need to play capitalist racketeering to shore up their masculine desirability within the romance market and greater society.
My fortunes look a bit better compared to the boys I used to mentor in Gaza, Kayole a few years back-some of whom got felled by the dreaded Flying Squad. In them, I saw providence having placed me a little above their lot-which ties them to the perennial tag of suspects. The irony within Kenyan masculinities is that while criminal masculinities is top heavy, made up of who's who in the politics, trade, academia and civil society, the actual criminalised masculinity is made up of faceless, often nameless teenage boys in slums – pinned down by economic racism, negative ethnicity, and classism – who linger awaiting the anti-crime police units to snuff their lives under any pretext.
Meanwhile, with my university education, relative exposure, a bit of socioeconomic wiggle room and social stratification I exist in the eye of that quandary, while playing the role of a temporary arbiter with my fate tied to whether I effect an upward or downward mobility.
No doubt that the successive generational trauma tied to black masculine pains and tragedies often goes unacknowledged and sometimes derided. I have had to unshackle myself from the toxic strain of manhood that comes with the stiff stoicism manifested by our father's generation. I talk about my mental health when I need to and I reject the idea that women are more emotionally attuned and expressive. I see emotional expression not as a feminine ideal to grasp for, but as a mere human instinct.
I have alongside friends and acquaintances explored the complexities of PTSD as a natural mental and emotional reality. Depression, especially in men my age-late twenties-often goes unnoticed, and rarely acknowledged. We have no problem getting in touch with the humanity of our male identity and the occasional need for remedies in moments when mental stress reflects through too much or too little sleep, physical pain and stress, irritability, and even unprovoked aggressiveness.
There exists 3.6 billion masculinities out in the world, and any attempt to tie any man down to clustered and cloistered stratifications masquerading as manliness whether through media portrayal, functional roles or fetishized notions is violence. As a man I am free to explore, live, interact and interpret my male identity based on who I am and view myself, disregarding all the 'a real man does/is…' sensibilities that populate popular conversations about the male gender.
I see being a man as being true to self, embracing it as such and flatly rejecting any populist social constructions that seek to replace character with achievement as the standard for manliness; a prospect that has many young men killing their souls in pursuit of insane wealth and power. Thankfully more young men are becoming accepting of their own versions of maleness and stubbornly deflecting the pressure that comes with materialism as the standard for masculine desirability especially in the marriage eco-system.
Living up to your values as a millennial man means standing up to-not toxic masculinity, first and foremost-but demonisation of manliness. Gendered identity is about context and the context we live in-much as male privilege remains a popular epithet-it only seems to work for upper class men. These powerful men are the manufactured native elite that not only does the bidding of the foreign white man but has an insatiable desire to be like them.
To further complicate modern African male identities, the economic deprivation, thanks to the current mafia state upheld by the three criminal dynasties and the rising impetuous 'hustler dynasty', limits opportunities to a select few. Accepting that I still live in a largely poor, largely rural, largely young, largely uneducated society where few males get to achieve their dreams is a tragic spectacle especially in a still largely hypergamous nation.
Maybe we are the generation of men that will finally demand the humanization of manliness, and put an end to the demonization of masculinity-though this will be hard because it pays bills in some quarters. We'll have to acknowledge the successive traumas inflicted on our African manliness and end the misperceptions that have riddled the African male identity in all its forms and fashions. At the end of the day, there's no such thing as a real man, there is just every man existing in his own contradictions, aches, triumphs and complexities the best way he knows how.
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Thursday, June 16, 2011
Stocking Cosplay
The younger of the Anarchy sisters, Stocking is a pink and violet-haired goth. She is generally more level-headed and intelligent than Panty, although she can be just as rude as her sister when provoked. Stocking has a gluttonous appetite for sweets and doesn't gain weight from consuming "normal" sugary foods, allowing her to eat them to her heart's content. Due to her obsession with sweets, Stocking becomes enraged whenever someone tampers with them or calls her overweight. She also does not share her sister's interest in sex, though she occasionally displays masochistic tendencies such as bondage and electrocution. Her stockings transform into a pair of katanas, "Stripes I & II". She is almost always seen carrying around a plush cat, Honekoneko, whose expressions often match Stocking's mood. In the end of season 1, she reveals she is actually a demon.
I love stocking cosplay so much
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George has not received any gifts yet
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If you are interested in becoming involved, join one of our member Tea Parties, not this site, which is just an ad for them.
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June 5th Primary Election Recommendations, by Ventura County & Conjeo Valley Tea Parties & CAPR & Restoring Patriotism
PDF version (prints…Continue
Posted on May 10, 2012 at 10:30am 0 Comments 1 Like
We welcome Restoring Patriotism, based in Santa Clarita and voted in last night, to the Alliance. Founders are…Continue


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Samanta Shrestha Va. Tech Student death; her friend is charged of murder
Samanta Shrestha a Nepalese girl, who was Virginia Tech Student is murdered by her friend Jessica Ewing. Shrestha reported missing from dorm by her parents on Saturday, who unable to contact her. On Monday Shrestha's missing car 2004 Mercedes C320… Continue Reading


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Well, we all know the teaser of Ilaiyathalapathi Vijay's Puli was leaked before the official release. Similarly, the first look posters with a different design were also leaked and recently a still with Vijay and Hansika was also leaked.
Now producers have filed a complaint at cyber crime and according to that people who are intentionally leaking the posters of Puli will be severely punished.
But we all know that many Vijay fans are sharing the leaked posters and now they must be very careful or else they might end up facing huge trouble.
So Vijay fans kindly refrain yourselves from sharing any leaked image of Puli!


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SOURCE: Falcon's Creative Group
June 16, 2016 09:00 ET
ORLANDO, FL--(Marketwired - June 16, 2016) - Falcon's Creative Group is excited to announce their new strategic alliance between Falcon's Licensing, CAVU Designwerks and Kraftwerk Living Technologies to distribute CircuMotion® theaters worldwide. As part of this exclusive arrangement, Falcon's will be the attraction designer, media provider and executive producer of the attraction. CAVU will deliver a safe and state of the art ride system while Kraftwerk Living Technologies will provide audio/visual technology, equipment, and systems integration.
The only attraction system of its kind, CircuMotion® is a large format dome theater with a motion-base that allows guests to experience the virtual world in an omni-view environment. The motion base is capable of four degrees of freedom while displaying immersive 360°/3D content for an audience of up to 134 guests per show.
"The CAVU Way is to provide safe, simple design and genius manufacturing," said CEO of CAVU Designwerks, Peter Schnabel. "We are excited at the incredible potential of the CircuMotion® theater and could not be happier to see how well this product was embraced at the CAAPA show in Beijing. It's obvious our audience also felt this attraction is one of a kind."
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CircuMotion® has raw force to its movements that proclaim power, having the ability to subject riders to new thresholds of movement unlike any other motion-base system; however, its controls are refined, able to be programmed so elegantly that it is also a model of grace in its movements, offering the ability to perfectly synchronize it to any media experience. It is the model attraction experience of the future.
"I created CircuMotion® to bring dreams to reality, allowing visitors to journey into the deepest regions of their imagination with astonishing effect," said Cecil D. Magpuri, president and chief executive officer of Falcon's. "I am so honored to be working with CAVU and Kraftwerk Living Technologies to achieve this vision!"
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Suite 516 185-911 Yates Street
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Hostage situation ends with 1 in custody
911 call leads to SWAT situation on Grove Street
Hostage situation ends with 1 in custody
911 call leads to SWAT situation on Grove Street
Albuquerque police have taken one person into custody after a Thursday morning hostage situation.
Someone called 911 Thursday morning and said people were being held at gunpoint inside an apartment. When officers got to the home, they received no response from anyone inside the home.
The SWAT team was able to get Curtis Sena to surrender into police custody. Police said Sena was holding two women and a man hostage in the apartment.
Police said Sena has an extensive criminal history and faces charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, kidnapping, firearm enhancement and tampering with evidence.
KOAT Action 7 News is following this story and will update it as soon as more information is available.


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text: An important piece of technology was tucked away at Nvidia's CES 2011 booth, the Kegputer, which is part Sierra Nevada dispensing beer keg, part high-powered gaming rig. Kris from Nvidia explains what makes this refrigerated PC so unique.[/p] Source (Kotaku) More info from NVIDIA. This mod is a blissful marriage of a 15.5 gallon keg and a liquid cooled GeForce GTX gaming PC. Did I mention that it has a fully functional beer dispensing system? Thanks to Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. we were able to develop a solution to install a 2.5 gallon mini keg with an integrated refrigeration system and in-line Co2 pump into the KEGputer. With it, you can pour ice-cold beer without the need of pesky beer pumps or giant tubs of ice. Last but certainly not least, we worked with our partners at EVGA, ASUS, Danger Den, Crucial and Antec to ensure that the hardware on KEGputer would make it a certifiable monster of gaming power. Feast your eyes on these specs: ? 2 x EVGA GeForce GTX 580 Hydrocopper 2 graphics cards in 2-Way SLI ? ASUS P67 Sandybridge motherboard ? Intel i7 2600 3.4 Ghz Sandybridge CPU ? 8 gigs of DDR3 Crucial Ballistix at 1600 Mhz ? Crucial 160 Gig SSD ? Danger Den Extreme liquid cooling system ? Antec 1200 watt TruePower Quattro PSU [/p] Source (NVIDIA)


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I like the fact that you can order just a sandwich and it'll come with potato chips. That's exactly how much I want for lunch sometimes. I really enjoy their soups. You can tell that they're homemade. I think the prices are reasonable for what you get.
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Mia San Mia (We are who we are)
prasun77 wrote:YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
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FCB general wrote:After Heynckes' arrival everything's changed.
MUTU wrote:FCB general wrote:After Heynckes' arrival everything's changed.
This is correct. Under Ancelotti, Früchtl used to sit on the bench with Starke in the stands.
Under Heynckes, Starke sat on the bench.
FCB general wrote:Michael Rensing was a complete disappointment at Bayern and everywhere else he played even though one great Sepp Maier who coached many great German GKs predicted him a shining future after Kahn's retirement.
FCB general wrote:I'd like to see Früchtl becoming that, but he's already 18 and nowhere near the first team unlike legendary and world-class GKs such as Buffon, Casillas and Neuer who got the chance to start at that age.
MUTU wrote:And don't forget Kraft as well!
MUTU wrote:This is my point. All legendary goalkeepers started early. Fruechtl will be lurking in Neuer's shadows for a while unless we loan him out. And we can't loan him out unless we first sign him on a professional contract as his current youth/amateur contract runs until the end of this season.
Return to Bayern Player & Staff Discussion
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YORKTOWN, N.Y. -- Join musical group Shir Chutzpah, of the Yorktown Jewish Center, at 8 p.m. Friday for an evening of song and prayer.
Join in singing many familiar melodies as the band celebrates Shabbat with fellow congregants and friends. Bring family and friends to join. Services will be followed with refreshments at the Oneg.
The Yorktown Jewish Center Men's Club invites locals to join on Thursday for the club's annual outing to Dutchess Stadium for a Renegades game and kosher barbecue. Following the game, there will be a fireworks display. The barbecue starts at 5:30 p.m. with game time at 7 p.m.
Tickets -- $33 for adults and $30 for children -- include a kosher barbecue, a reserved seat and the fireworks show.
Contact Paul Plotnick or Roe in the office at 914-245-2324 for reservations.
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FOSTORIA - The Ohio Department of Development has approved a grant of up to $500,000 to help Fostoria raze several old school buildings.
The grant will cover half the cost of removing asbestos and razing the old Emerson Junior High and Lowell Elementary schools, the former school administration building, and the district's former service garage. The buildings are on a seven-acre parcel bounded by Perry, West High, and Elm streets that is to be cleared for construction of a 58,000-square-foot Kroger supermarket.
The city estimates asbestos removal will cost $180,000, and demolition will cost $725,000. Bids will be opened Aug. 26.
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February 16, 2017 08:10 ET
MCLEAN, VA--(Marketwired - Feb 16, 2017) - ByteGrid Holdings LLC, which is dedicated to providing the most secure and HIPAA compliant hosting solutions available, is excited to announce that Miami-based care coordination and telehealth communication platform SirenMD has selected ByteGrid for its highly secure and compliant hosting and data center solutions.
SirenMD is a care coordination and medical practice collaboration platform designed to increase the quality, efficiency, and timeliness of medical decisions. The platform enables caregivers to access remote experts, colleagues and clinical information systems to effectively collaborate and prioritize their time, and its workflows are organized by case leveraging integration and data sharing with EHRs to optimize their decision making and clinical actions. Through its interoperable, multimedia, telemedicine application, SirenMD facilitates coordinated communication between caregivers and patient advocates using mobile and web systems.
"SirenMD is focused on delivering a best-in-class experience for its customers, so we are thrilled to work with a company like ByteGrid that understands our needs in the Health IT industry and makes it easy for us to perform at the highest level of service and security," said Brent Saiontz of SirenMD.
"As a care coordination and telehealth communication tool, we respect that SirenMD needs to adhere to strict regulations to protect Personal Health Information, and we are proud that they have selected ByteGrid to help deliver this secure platform," said Jason Silva, President/Chief Technology Officer at ByteGrid. "We appreciate SirenMD's dedication to upholding the strictest industry standards, because that compliance has always been what sets ByteGrid apart as well."
SirenMD chose ByteGrid because their highly compliant data solutions come standard. Whether a company is subject to FDA or HIPAA/HITECH regulation, ByteGrid's qualified data centers deliver the most reliable and cost effective solutions on the market, ideal for Life Sciences, Government, and Health IT industries. ByteGrid delivers premier managed hosting services from four data centers in three geographically dispersed markets, which allows strong redundancy for backups and high availability. ByteGrid serves some of the world's largest companies and government agencies, including numerous Fortune 50 companies.
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With 16 Argos & 24 Argos Extra stores throughout the Republic of Ireland, Argos is the store for choice and value. Minimum gift card value is €50.
LIMITED 3 LEFT ONLY WHILE STOCKS LAST Argos is the store for choice, value and convenience. The larger Argos Extra stores keep the full range of 3,500 Argos Extra products in-store so you can take them home straightaway.
Argos covers a massive range of departments, including Kitchen & Laundry, Home & Furniture, Garden & DIY, Sports & Leisure, Health & Personal Care, Home Entertainment Video, Games, Photography, Office, PCs & Phones, Toys & Games, Nursery, Jewellery & Watches, Gifts & Hobbies. Whatever you need, you'll find it at Argos!
How it Works: Use this gift voucher on AllGifts.ie to order gift cards for use in the 16 Argos, 24 Argos Extra and 15 Homebase stores throughout the Republic of Ireland. Argos gift cards cannot be used online. Argos gift cards are posted out free of charge once ordered in denominations of €25. Or you can swap for any other gift or voucher listed on the AllGifts.ie website.
Location: Multiple


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HHhH AKA The Man with the Iron Heart (2017) 1080p BRRip 6CH - MkvCage
Size: 2329720733 bytes (2.17 GiB), duration: 01:59:54, avg.bitrate: 2591 kb/s
Audio: aac, 24000 Hz, 5.1, s16 (eng)
Video: h264, yuv420p, 1920x808, 24.00 fps(r)
Genre: Action | Biography | Thriller | War
IMDB info
1942: The Third Reich is at its peak. The Czech resistance in London decides to plan the most ambitious military operation of WWII: Anthropoid. Two young recruits in their late twenties, ..


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The second session of our Fall Ayurveda Cleanse begins this Sunday Nov 9-15 ! The first session of our Fall Cleanse is going strong. Here is a little testimonial from a current Fall Ayurveda Cleanse participant:
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Sign up by clicking here for the November 9 - 15, 2014 session.
Images by Azulie


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I am actress, still trying to make my foothold strong in Bollywood. I had made a debut in Bollywood in 2004 but that went unnoticed and I moved on to south industry.
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The Big Kahuna (1999)Screenplay
List of Roger Rueff movies
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