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Important revelations from Sex in the Sea, by sea sexpert Marah Hardt
Aren't we all just lonely anemones on barstools, waiting for the currents of fate to push our soul mates into our tentacles?
Actually, sea sex is way more fraught than your average tinder hookup, Dr. Marah Hardt suggests in her weird, excellent new book Sex in the Sea: Our Intimate Connection with Kinky Crustaceans, Sex-Changing Fish, Romantic Lobsters and Other Salty Erotica of the Deep. With endless enthusiasm and innuendos, Hardt explores the "salty erotica of the deep," from barnacle boners to the mass simultaneous orgasms of coral (take notes, gentlemen). We called up Hardt to learn how her insights into deep-sea sexy times can inform and improve our own sexy times. Go forth at your own risk, lusty land lobsters.
Try a lot of different positions!
We learn in Sex in the Sea that when mandarinfish mate, they must first match by size. Then they have to line up next to each other so that their "vents," from which they expel their procreative goodies, align. Then the male has to reach his anal fin around the lady mandarinfish to make sure her eggs don't disperse too quickly.
Humans are not like the mandarinfish. Humans are more like ostracods, tiny shrimp-like lovers whose mating Hardt calls "crustacean Kama Sutra." Why can ostracods indulge in wild acrobatic lovemaking while other sea creatures are cruelly stuck in missionary? The same reason humans can: "My gut feeling is that with something like an ostracod, where you have internal fertilization happening, the way that you get sperm to the egg doesn't really matter," Hardt speculated, "if you're upside-down, or you're on the right, or you're on the left, it doesn't matter." Plus, the lady ostracods dig it. Or don't care.
…Like the inverted reverse sixty-nine!
One diagram in Sex in the Sea shows two squids having squid sex, which is as tentacle-y as one might expect. "Basically it's an inverted reverse sixty-nine," Hardt explained. Indeed, in the diagram the squids appear to be joined near one of their heads. "The female is still swimming languidly along as a giant schlong invades her head and dental cavity. The male is basically on his back lying on top of the female, like on her stomach, but then they're displaced in space, so that his head is kind of the equivalent of where her hips are."
"So imagine there's a woman lying on a bed, and the man is laying on top of her but he's lying on his back. And she's on her back. So they're basically both lying face-up. Then flip them around so that his feet are going over her head, and then his head is facing her feet, and his head is resting on her stomach. And his penis is basically coming up over his chest, down under his shoulder, and inserting into her underneath him. And she's doing the elementary backstroke underwater."
Orgasm like coral!
If ever you feel like a simultaneous orgasm with your partner is beyond your capabilities, consider the coral. "When talking coral sex," Hardt writes, "we are talking millions of individuals, across miles of reef, all coordinating their climax within moments of one another." #Coralgoals, amirite?
Coral only spawn once a year ("like New Years Eve!") which helps explain why coral, like your shy, involuntarily abstinent friend, needs you to be a solid wingman by putting less bullshit into the ocean.
Celebrate your tiny dong!
Maybe your sex tentacle isn't the biggest in Davy Jones' locker room, but rejoice! The barnacle is the most well-endowed species on the planet, with a penis eight times its body size ("to fertilize and mate it literally reaches its gigantic penis out of its opening, and it blindly pokes around in the tides").
But Hardt said that's not always an asset. "If there are other animals nearby that would like to pinch off or bite of some fleshy meaty bit of an animal, they'll do it. Some of them can regrow. But even that's still sort of a danger—you'd probably rather not have to regrow your penis."
Indeed. Hardt continued: "There's also structural limitations, like for male penises that have to stiffen up—that go from soft to erect—there's going to be a limit to how much bloodflow can you actually get there, or how much thrusting that organ can take while still being able to be tucked up inside."
Your takeaway for the day: while a 12-foot schlong may make you more attractive to mates, it is also more likely to be bitten off by a predator.
Make sweet lobster love!
Hardt pointed to lobster coitus as the most romantic undersea mating ritual: "It's brief, but the female is at this unbelievably vulnerable state, because the most optimal time to mate is right after she's molted. She has to go before this crazy, raging, aggressive male and basically undress, and be soft and be unable to stand. She can't even walk away if she wanted to. And he turns into this incredibly gentle tender lover. A woman, Diane Cowan, who witnessed a lot of this, described how he would even stroke her with his antennae, and stand over her, and wait until she was ready. Then he literally just picks her up and cradles her in the hammock of his legs and she arches back," Hardt said. "We think of them with their giant claws that walk around and feed off the sea floor and whatever, but it's remarkably tender and sweet."
Hardt said she hasn't eaten lobster since she was a kid ("I like them in the ocean") and the revelation of their tender lovemaking was almost—almost—enough to keep us from craving a big, buttery lobster.
Fear not the golden shower!
Urine also figures prominently in lobster love. "If you are a male and you go pee on another male's doorstep," Hardt explained, "you're basically saying you're about to do some ass-kicking. 'Get the hell out of here, I'm the boss of this realm, smell my pee, know me, quake in your shell." While a male lobster shooting gallons of urine at another male lobster is clear sign of aggression, a female lobster's urine has a crazy aphrodisiac effect on the male. "He'll become putty in your claws."


text:
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
Most Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) claims are made by people who have previously been on Jobseeker's Allowance (JSA). the important distinction between the two is that those on JSA are those who are able to actively seek work, whereas ESA claims are made by those who are currently unable to actively search for employment.
There have been mixed reports from people who have attempted to move from JSA to ESA – especially in terms of the kind of feedback that they receive from Jobcentre Plus advisors. In some cases, the staff have actively attempted to move JSA claimants on to ESA, whereas others have reported that they have had resistance from their advisors.
Switching from Jobseeker's Allowance (JSA) to Employment and Support Allowance (ESA)
If you are currently claiming Jobseeker's Allowance but feel that you are unfit to search for work, the first step that many advise is to make an appointment with your GP in order to assess your wellbeing. Although this will not be legally binding, it allows you to get some scope for whether you will be assessed to be fit for work further down the line.
Whether you are experiencing mental or physical issues, your GP should be able to assess your situation. In some cases, they may be able to simply write a sick note, meaning that you will not need to attend the Jobcentre Plus in order to sign on for JSA for a number of weeks – and in cases where an illness is not recurring or is short term, this is a perfect solution. However, if your issues are longer lasting, the next step is to fill out an ESA claim form.
While the full ESA application process is detailed in our post about making a new claim, the current system appears to require you to speak to a member of the Jobcentre Plus team about your transition. Once your claim has been received, you should, in effect, be signed off from JSA and moved on to ESA while you await an assessment for your eligibility to work. As long as you have the requisite documentation and have filled out the appropriate forms, the DWP should not be able to stop this move.
Moving from Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) to Jobseeker's Allowance (JSA)
If you ESA claim is unsuccessful, you should then be moved back on to JSA on the same terms that you were on before. This is also the case if you are adjudged to be fit for work again – in which case your ESA claim will be stopped and a new JSA claim should be filed.
Need to speak to a member of the Department for Work And Pensions about your issues? Our call connection phone numbers should be able to help – get in touch with the right department by dialling one of the contact numbers below.
|Call Connection Phone Numbers
|Job Seeker's Allowance Claims (New Claims & Existing)
|0843 509 2383
|Employment & Support Allowance
|0843 509 2374
|Social Fund
|0843 506 0283
|Crisis Loan
|0843 509 2336
|Jobcentre Appointments
|0843 509 2322
|Income Support
|0843 509 2374
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SOUTHAMPTON, England, Feb. 18 (UPI) — Researchers in England have outfitted unmanned micro air vehicles with new wings inspired by bats.
The membrane wings are without mechanical components, making them lighter and more flexible. Voltage inputs manipulate the wings mid-flight, allowing them to function like artificial muscles and change shape in response to shifting aerodynamic forces.
MAVs using the new, more economical wings use less energy and are able to make longer flights.
A team of researchers from the University of Southampton and Imperial College London have been working to incorporate the physiology of bats into unmanned aerial vehicle and MAV technology.
High-speed cameras and computer models have allowed scientists to observe and mimic the aerodynamic advantages of bat wings.
"We've successfully demonstrated the fundamental feasibility of MAVs incorporating wings that respond to their environment, just like those of the bats that have fueled our thinking," Bharath Ganapathisubramani, project leader and Southampton professor, said in a news release.
"We've also shown in laboratory trials that active wings can dramatically alter the performance," he said. "The combined computational and experimental approach that characterized the project is unique in the field of bio-inspired MAV design."
Ganapathisubramani and his colleagues are now working on incorporating the wings into current commercial MAV designs.
"This is a paradigm shift in the approach to MAV design," project researcher Rafael Palacios said. "Instead of a traditional approach of scaling down existing aircraft design methods, we constantly change the membrane shape under varying wind conditions to optimize its aerodynamic performance."


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Avoid this practice at all costs. Went to Dr. Witlin at the advice of my optometrist. Said he was just a bit better at tweaking a correction for cataract...
Dr. Richard Witlin, MD treats patients in Pomona, New York, Morristown, New Jersey, Green brook, New Jersey, Perth amboy, New Jersey, Toms river, New Jersey, East brunswick, New Jersey, Kearny, New Jersey, and Brooklyn, New York, specializing in ophthalmology.
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text: Eye and lip kohl pencils are essential items to have in your make-up kit. The best kohl pencils are in our opinion made in Europe, especially Germany. Expect to pay more for quality but the pencils will last a long time if properly cared for. You will need a pencil sharpener especially designed for kohl pencils ( a normal pencil sharpener will chew up the tip). The advantage of kohl pencils is that you can achieve different looks with fine or medium lines and blending to achieve a soft or smoky affect. The colour stays in place and is easy to remove. We do not recommend liquid eyeliner for your wedding as it can look harsh in daylight. If an error in application occurs (and this can happen in a blink of an eye), liquid eyeliners are almost impossible to repair without removing completely and starting again. You definitely do not need this stress on your wedding day! Liquid lip liners may be an option but lack the versatility of lip pencils.


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