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Ever the student of life I'm taking a little blog break to search for new dreams to share with you… (which you can also read as 'I'm currently doing 50 shifts a week in my favourite ice-cream parlour').
Because y'know a/ Girl gotta feed herself, b/ Follow her dreams c/ Dance the streets of wherever...
But I'm leaving you Aaron, so no bad feelings... ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ | Last Days of the Mini
Video | Dries. Dazed.
Yesterday I thought I couldn't care less about fashion, then I saw this… Oh, the thrill! ♥
Ice-Cream of the Week | White Chocolate Ice-Cream
This one is still in its experimentation phase – because while all 'test eaters' said they liked it I feel it could do with some tweaking.* Perhaps it just needs really top quality white chocolate... But if you want to give it a go, the recipe does not disappoint in giving you a creamy, cold, white chocolate kick. You'll need...
Ice-Cream of the Week | Salted Caramel Ice-Cream & Almond Toffee
Burnt sugar + salt… This is one of my absolute favourites, and these days no self-respecting ice-cream parlour can not offer their own version of salted caramel. The recipe here is based on the wonderful and inspiring San Franciscan Bi-Rite Creamery. The ice-cream is absolutely delicious on its own, but personally I like to add pieces of Almond Toffee because...
a) I love chunky bits in my ice-cream, b) I'm a total glutton, and c) It makes it even more delightful.
So let's get going. For the ice-cream you'll need:
a) I love chunky bits in my ice-cream, b) I'm a total glutton, and c) It makes it even more delightful.
So let's get going. For the ice-cream you'll need:
Summer in the City XVI
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There are some things that I just have to have. These include:
1. Reeces Peanut Butter Cups on demand
2. Milk Latte before 9.30am every weekday
3. A parcel a day – even if its something hideous…
Add Guerlain Kohl powder liners to the list. When I saw this Lagon Bleu liner a part of the Summer Collection I squealed for I am a collector of these lovely little liners.
Lagon Bleu, I am *sure* there was something very similar a few years back but anyhow, its shimmery grey blue was coming home with me.
At £20 we already know its expensive for 1 gram of product but its a special little thing. And yet – there is something missing from this particular one. I adore blues but the colour itself is not striking – its a muted shade of aqua verging on a tiny bit dull.
The texture of Lagon Bleu also feels a little crumbly and dry – some of the other ones are super soft and pigmented this ones feel chalky. It also made my eye water like crazy!
I would love there to be a really true punchy blue and green in this range. However – whilst I would still buy this liner because I collect the Kohls if you are new to them I wouldn't recommend this shade at all because its quite flat, not really worth the price.
The official Guerlain site doesn't have the range on yet, but you can browse and buy here.

subset: commoncrawl


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Canadians who scrambled for safety in the aftermath of two deadly explosions at the Boston Marathon Monday described a sea of chaos as they joined a heaving mass of runners and spectators searching for loved ones.
At least three people were killed and more than 130 were injured as the area around the finish line was splattered with blood, littered with shattered glass and shrouded in smoke.
For some Canadians, a few seconds made all the difference between life and death.
More on the Boston Marathon bombings:
Paul Cloutier of Toronto was cheering on his daughter and had gone into a store near the finish line to buy her a Boston Marathon sweatshirt before she finished the race.
"I was going to try and buy one in there but I thought it was too expensive so I sat down and had a coffee," he told The Canadian Press. "That's exactly where it blew up, right at the store."
It sounded like a large transformer explosion, he said. It shook the ground and filled the area with white smoke. Then there was a second blast.
"I called my wife in Toronto and said, 'Get on CNN right away. All hell just broke loose,'" said Cloutier.
His 25-year-old daughter, Kiki, had finished her race minutes before the first blast. She was still sitting on the ground past the finish line putting her sweater on when she heard a boom, the ground rattled and a plume of smoke shot up in the air.
"A cop asked me to get up off the ground because people started running towards me," she said on the phone from her hotel after the race.
"It's pretty scary, especially being Canadian. I've never been through something like this. It's scary how vulnerable you are."
Other Canucks were a little farther from the epicentre of the blasts but felt their impact nonetheless.
Jennifer Mork, of Calgary, was watching her runner husband sign his time at marathon headquarters at the Boston Fairmont Copley Plaza — a block from the finish line — when she heard two explosions in quick succession.
"It sounded like a canon," she told The Canadian Press from the locked-down hotel. "Everyone was sort of saying, 'What was that? That's not normal'."
Mork, 33, said a huge medical tent intended for the runners became a quick makeshift hospital.
Laura McLean, a runner from Toronto, was in the medical tent being treated for dehydration when she was pulled out to make room for victims of the explosions. She says she saw people who were "really, really bloody."
Rick Avery, from Port Hope, Ont., was in the Prudential Center Mall, right near the site of the blasts, with his 14-, 11- and five-year-old children buying flowers for their mother who was in the marathon.
"All of a sudden the building shook," Avery said over the phone. An acrid smell filled the air, he said. Panic in the building caused a stampede, with hundreds of people all clamoring for the exits.
"I had to start yelling to grab onto everyone because they were literally pushing everyone over," he said. "It was crazy. I've never seen it before in my life. We made it outside and no one knew what was going on."
For those who weren't injured, locating their loved ones became a frenzied priority.
Ottawa resident Guy Doucet was waiting for his wife to cross the finish line when he heard the first blast and saw a plume of white smoke before being rocked by a second explosion about a few seconds later.
"People started running in the opposite direction, I just followed," he said. "My main worry was seeing if my wife was OK … the last runner told my wife that she finished 38 seconds after the bombs went off."
Canadians struggled to reach family and friends at home after Boston authorities jammed cell phone service in the aftermath of the blasts. Many turned to Twitter to let loved ones know they were safe.
"Just letting everyone know I'm okay. Was across the street from the finish line explosions outside my hotel. Thank u all for the messages xo," said Josh Cassidy, of Oakville, Ont., who finished eighth in men's wheelchair race.
"Chaotic here right now. Terrible, terrible events," tweeted Canadian runner Rob Watson, of London, Ont., who finished 11th in the men's race.
When reached by The Canadian Press later in the day Watson said there was widespread panic in the athletes area after the blasts ripped through the packed streets.
"It was very unsettling. It's very terrible still, but when it first happened, it sucked really bad," he said.
"You have friends, you have family who have come to celebrate this, you don't know where they are, so everyone gets on their phones, trying to contact their loved ones, some people can't get hold of them so it's very upsetting."
For those who made it through the day safely, the relief of escaping without serious injury did little to ease the evening's tension as authorities turned out in huge numbers to secure the city core.
"There's police and ambulances all over the place and they're telling people not to go out," Toronto resident Marty Rapson said from his hotel. "People are freaking out, people are crying."
The 53-year-old, at the Boston Marathon for the second time, said many were also having trouble returning to hotels which were right by the blast site. The entire night had turned into the antithesis of a post-race experience, he said.
"You run it and it's an amazing accomplishment and then you go out and celebrate…that's a big part of it and of course no one can so it's a big pall over the whole thing."
Some 27,000 runners, including more than 2,000 Canadians, took part in the 42-kilometre race, one of the world's premier marathons.
The blasts went off about three hours after the winners crossed the finish line.
A White House official speaking on condition of anonymity because the investigation was still unfolding said the attack was being treated as an act of terrorism.
U.S. President Barack Obama vowed that those responsible will "feel the full weight of justice." A senior U.S. intelligence official said two other bombs were found near the end of the race course in what appeared to be a well-co-ordinated attack.
Alan Brookes, race director of Canada Running Series, which organizes Toronto's Scotiabank Marathon among other events said Monday's blasts have rattled the tight-knit running community.
"I certainly feel a little shaken by it, it's just such a tragic event. And as a race organizer…your heart goes out to everyone who was injured or even worse, lost their lives," he said shortly after leaving the marathon.
"The day turned from that sort of triumph and sense of joy and achievement that you get in a marathon to this terrible tragedy."
Brookes said the running community will doubtlessly be re-evaluating organizational plans for marathons going forward.
"I'm sure we'll all pull together to do everything we possibly can to revise our security and safety manuals to make sure that marathons continue to be wonderful, joyful spectacles on the world stage."
Prime Minister Stephen Harper offered his thoughts and prayers to the victims of the explosions.
"It is truly a sad day when an event as inspiring as the Boston Marathon is clouded by such senseless violence," he said in a statement. "We stand with our American neighbours in this difficult time."
Public Safety Minister Vic Toews also tweeted his concern.
"Thoughts and prayers to those injured in Boston; continuing to monitor closely as details come to light," he said.
Other political leaders joined Harper in condemning the incident and expressing their sympathy to the victims' families.
NDP Leader Tom Mulcair said the Boston Marathon is an event that brings people from all around the world together and the fact that it was targeted in this way was "particularly horrifying."
New Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau said he was "shocked and saddened" by the news.
"During what was an event worthy of celebration for thousands of people – including many Canadians – this senseless act of violence has left us reeling."
B.C. Premier Christy Clark commended first responders in Boston, and said her government would be prepared to provide any assistance that might be needed.
"Regardless of the cause, it's a dreadful thing to happen — particularly near the very spot where runners and spectators from around the globe have been celebrating athletic achievement for the past 117 years, " she said.
The Department of Foreign Affairs has set up an emergency line — 1-800-387-3124 — to offer assistance to Canadians in Boston and their families.
— with files from Colin Perkel, Lori Ewing in Toronto.


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An attorney for a graduate school counseling student told federal judges in Atlanta on Tuesday that the student's First Amendment rights were violated when professors at a Georgia university sought to punish her for her biblical views on gay rights.
Augusta State University put Jennifer Keeton on academic probation for saying it would be hard for her to work with gay clients, and threatened to expel her unless she attended events like Augusta's gay pride parade, Keeton's attorney Jeff Shafer told the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.
"She was told, `You don't have to believe it. You just have to say you do,'" Shafer said.
Augusta State University countered that the counseling program would risk its accreditation if it didn't hold Keeton to a code of ethics. The school has a duty to require students to counsel all segments of the community, including those who are gay or transgender, it said in court papers.
Keeton told other students that she was interested in practicing conversion therapy _ where a therapist tries to "cure" a person from being homosexual _ after graduation, said Cristina Correia with the state Attorney General's office. Correia said Keeton also told her professors she would tell any clients who said they were gay that homosexuality is morally wrong.
University faculty were concerned that Keeton was scheduled to practice counseling in middle and high schools as part of her degree program and could possibly harm young students with her views, Correia said.
"The university has a responsibility when putting students in a practicum and graduating them," Correia said. "When you have that kind of evidence, the faculty could not, under their ethical standards, put that student in a clinical setting without further remediation."
Keeton, who said she's a devout Christian "committed to the truth of the Bible," enrolled in the school's counselor education program in fall 2009 and soon began discussing her views that sexual behavior is a personal choice and that gender identity isn't subject to change.
Faculty members were alarmed after she wrote in a term paper that it would be hard with her to work with gay clients. The school told her that her language was unethical according to guidelines from the American Counseling Association, and she was put on probation and warned she could be expelled.
She was asked in May 2010 to agree to a remediation plan that would require her to attend sensitivity training, read counseling journals and mix with gays at events like the city's gay pride parade.
Keeton refused to comply with the plan, which she said in court papers would require her to "tell clients wanting to hear it that homosexual sex is moral."
She filed a federal lawsuit claiming the school wanted to expel her because she "holds Christian ethical convictions" on human sexuality and gender identity. A judge rejected her challenge, leading to Tuesday's court arguments.
Attorneys for both sides declined comment after the hearing because the case is under a gag order by the court.
The case has drawn national attention from religious groups and gay rights advocates.
Keeton's lawsuit was brought by the Alliance Defense Fund, a Christian advocacy group that that presses faith-based cases in court nationwide. It argues that the First Amendment protects Keeton's rights to share her beliefs about gays with others.
The American Civil Liberties Union and Lambda Legal, the national gay rights law firm, took the opposing side. They argued that counselors shouldn't discriminate based on sexual orientation and should avoid imposing their values on clients.


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About Nina Beier
Nina Beier's multimedia practice decontextualizes universal cultural symbols to investigate how modes of representation affect contemporary experience. Beier moves between social and institutional critique in sculptures, wall works, and installations that combine materials connected to both art history and the global economy. In her extended "Portrait Mode" series, Beier creates prismatic abstract compositions by stuffing secondhand fabrics (chosen for their bold colors and animal prints) within traditional frames. The works recall abstract expressionism and the Arte Povera movement while simultaneously referring to commodity culture and its attendant controversies. Extending the language of Dada, Beier's sculptures and performances often veer toward the absurd. For the playfully existential Tragedy (2011), Beier invited several dogs to play dead on an ornate antique rug, each one leaving behind a rainbow of residual hair as reminder of the event.
Danish, b. 1975, Denmark, based in Berlin, Germany and New York, New York


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Taking a fresh look at water quality management, a University of Delaware College of Agriculture and Natural Resources (CANR) research team is studying how the replacement of urban lawns with more diverse vegetation can help protect the environment and make our landscapes more sustainable.
The researchers have been awarded a $595,000 grant by the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) and will be working at the Winterthur Gardens on their project.
Shreeram Inamdar, CANR associate professor of plant and soil sciences, is the principal investigator and the research team includes Doug Tallamy, chair of the Department of Entomology and Wildlife Ecology; Susan Barton, associate professor in the Department of Plant and Soil Sciences and a Cooperative Extension specialist; Jules Bruck, assistant professor of landscape horticulture and design; and Joshua Duke, professor in the Department of Food and Resource Economics.
One of the main goals of the three-year study, funded through the USDA's National Institute of Food and Agriculture (NIFA) National Integrated Water Quality program, is to try to curb water pollution at its source — preventing pollution in the first place rather than waiting to treat contaminated water before it enters waterways.
"In the past, standard water quality management has focused on intercepting dirty water before it gets into water systems," explained Tallamy. "We're doing the opposite — we're trying to keep the water clean from the start."
The researchers believe this can be accomplished by shrinking the lawn and replacing it with more diverse vegetation, thus reducing fertilizer and herbicide inputs and enabling water filtration, which will lead to less storm water runoff and cleaner water.
Diverse vegetation also is expected to provide other natural ecosystem services — such as carbon sequestration, preserving biodiversity and natural pest control — that are associated with mixed vegetation landscapes.
Inamdar noted that the ability to look at both of these aspects is a unique opportunity for the researchers. "One of the great things on this proposal is that we get to look at water quality as well as ecosystem services," he said. "Not many projects take that view, so I think that's a very novel approach."
To conduct the study, the group will be comparing watersheds with different vegetation types at Winterthur.
Barton explained that the group will look at runoff from different types of watersheds at Winterthur — one site will be a mown turf field that will be managed in the manner of a residential lawn and the other will be primarily forest and meadow.
By doing this, Barton explained, "We can directly compare these two streams, which are very close to each other, under the same weather conditions. One gets the residential lawn runoff and one gets the diverse landscape runoff."
The team has also secured a local homeowner's landscape for the research. Bruck said the property will be "used as a test garden, and will become a demonstration garden to show these different sustainable principles and practices."
Barton noted that public tours of the sites will eventually be offered.
Planting will begin next spring and as soon as the team gathers enough information and data, it will provide educational courses at Winterthur to disseminate key information to the public.
Tallamy said that making this information readily available is an effort to "change the status symbol. Right now, the status symbol is a big lawn and we're trying to make it more diverse."
This is also one of the main focuses of the Center for Managed Ecosystems, of which Tallamy is the director.
Duke's role will be to determine how much it would cost a homeowner to manage their property in a more diverse manner, as opposed to how much it costs to simply manage a big lawn. Said Duke, "We suspect that it might not be that lawn is actually the cheapest way to manage things. It may be that it's cheaper for an owner to manage in a more sustainable manner; they might just not realize it because it's not the status quo."
Undergraduate and graduate students will be involved in many aspects of the research, from helping the group gather information on water quality, ecosystem services and the economic implications to helping in the design of the more sustainable garden.
Bruck explained that students in her Basic Landscape Design course will "work through the design process to come up with demonstration plans that will be presented to the University of Delaware Botanical Gardens (UDBG) and then we'll post the plans on our website, for educational purposes for other homeowners."
For now, the team is gearing up for the spring and ready to get the study under way, hoping to improve water quality and change the status quo from large lawns to diverse, more sustainable ecosystems.
Article by Adam Thomas
Photo by Danielle Quigley
Graphic courtesy Jules Bruck
This article can also be viewed on UDaily > >


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Toronto (9 - 19)
San Antonio (21 - 8)
Raptors-Spurs Preview
By JEFF BARTL
STATS Writer
(AP) -- The Toronto Raptors were mostly healthy when they nearly knocked off the San Antonio Spurs last month.
They've been even better lately while playing short-handed.
With Andrea Bargnani and Kyle Lowry already on the shelf, Toronto will be without starting center Jonas Valanciunas on Wednesday night when it looks to win a sixth straight game and hand the Spurs their first home loss of December.
Amid their awful start to the season, the Raptors gave the Spurs all they could handle in a 111-106 double-overtime loss Nov. 25 with Bargnani, Lowry and Valanciunas all in the lineup.
While Bargnani (elbow) and Lowry (triceps) have missed the past six games and are unlikely to return Wednesday, Valanciunas is expected to miss some time after breaking his right finger in Friday's 93-90 win over Orlando. He's started every game at center despite being a 20-year-old rookie, averaging 7.8 points and 5.3 rebounds.
"Very unfortunate," coach Dwane Casey said. "He's growing every time he walks on the floor."
Valanciunas scored a career-high 22 points versus the Spurs, including 11 after the third quarter.
Bargnani's awful performance that day played a role in Toronto losing, scoring four points on 2-of-19 shooting. He appeared to be causing problems off the court Dec. 14 when he told an Italian newspaper the Raptors were "pretty much the worst team in the NBA."
However, that very night, Toronto (9-19) began its current five-game winning streak with a 21-point win over Dallas.
Rookie Terrence Ross had 18 points in that game and scored 13 off the bench Friday, including a couple of highlight-reel dunks.
"He's playing well," Casey said of Ross, drafted No. 8 overall. "He's earning every second he's on the floor, mainly on the defensive end."
Jose Calderon added 13 points and nine assists Friday as he continues to play well in place of Lowry. He's averaged 14.2 points and 10.7 assists over the past six games.
While Calderon is starting for Lowry and Ed Davis for Bargnani, Aaron Gray will likely make his first start of the season to replace Valanciunas.
The Raptors are looking to win six in a row for the first time since March 22-April 4, 2009.
They've dropped four straight in this series and nine of 10 in San Antonio, which is coming off one of its best performances of the season.
The Spurs (21-8) led by as many as 46 points and hit a franchise-record 20 3-pointers in Sunday's 129-91 win over Dallas.
Danny Green went 7 of 8 from long range and scored a career-high 25 points. He totaled 17 points over his previous three games while going 3 for 17 on 3-point attempts.
"Some nights you have it and some nights you don't," Green said. "Good thing we had it (Sunday) - not just myself, but everybody else on the team.
The Spurs also were solid defensively, forcing 20 turnovers and finishing with a season-best 17 steals.
"We don't create that many turnovers normally," coach Gregg Popovich said. "So that's a heck of a night for us as far as steals are concerned. That's not going to happen very often."
Toronto has committed an average of just 9.2 turnovers during its win streak.
Tony Parker added 18 points Sunday and is averaging 22.3 at home this month as the Spurs have gone 6-0. They lost two of their final three home games in November.
Parker is averaging 24.0 points in his last seven versus the Raptors, including 32 last month.
Toronto leading scorer DeMar DeRozan had 29 points in that meeting and has averaged 27.8 in his last four games versus San Antonio.
Spurs force their way to a Win at HOME Sweet HOME despite some Rust from the Holidays!
ALL Spurs TEAM HUSTLE and play STRONG Suffocating D at the end of the game and Win it despite a HUGE Physical Battle from Raptors.
Spurs 99
Raptors 92
Go Spurs Go
Go Spurs Go!
In spite of the Christmas Day cheer and food, Pop will ensure that this team is ready to play a very dangerous Raptors team. Spurs D will also continue its stingy ways, they win by DD - 110 - 97
With the Raptors series out of the way, I'd like to comment that I am impressed with the way they are coached and their discipline and execution. Its a shame they have had so many injury issues. I foresee them as an under-the-radar team in the future.
Great Win for the Spurs!!!! Spurs came rusty but they turn loose and dropped that hammer of AGGRESSIVENESS in the second half, despite the rust Spurs pulled a very strong willed W with a GREAT D and above average O too...
Not an easy game and I do like the type of improved Raptors team is.
They have a very good defensive mind Coach Dwayne Casey!!!!
I expect Raptors to get better especially since they made some recent roster moves however, I don't know if they can be as good as the Western teams, because the east is too easy and more PHYSICAL than the West is. So I give the Raptors some credit in the Eastern Conf Context, but not that much when looking over our tougher than tough Western Conf context.
Spurs played great, hats off to Pop and his coaching staff in our San Antonio Spurs they deserve a lot of credit!!!!!!
All Spurs played exceptional, Especially Manu, Tony, Timmy D, DannyG, and THE GREAT Leonard.... BUT boy oh boy what an OUTSTANDING game by my main Man Splitter! So glad he is showing much improvement!!!!
Next game is H Town come Friday!
This is going to be a very tough game even if it is at Home Sweet Home! Houston is never an easy team to play....
Go Spurs Go
Go Spurs Go!
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Jiri Ruzek's photographs have been internationally exhibited and published in a number of books in the Europe, Japan, the USA etc...
His photographs are based on emotive nude art portraits and he calls this unkempt-like style the Uglamour (ugly glamour). Uglamour means natural beauty, Jiri's models are always captured as strong personalities, not baby-dolls.
Jiri Ruzek has been holding one-on-one and group courses of nude art photography in Prague, attended by many photographers from all continents.


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PHOENIX (Reuters) - The U.S. military on Saturday identified the elite Navy SEAL who died in a parachute training accident in southern Arizona that also injured another SEAL.
Navy officials said Special Warfare Operator Chief Brett Shadle, 31, of Elizabethville, Pennsylvania, was killed in the free-fall training accident near Pinal Airpark, northeast of Tucson, on Thursday.
Shadle was assigned to an East Coast-based Naval Special Warfare unit, the Navy said in a statement. The second SEAL, who has not been identified, remains hospitalized in stable condition.
The office of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said Shadle was a highly decorated member of SEAL Team 6 and had served in Iraq and Afghanistan. Members of SEAL Team 6 carried out the raid that killed al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden in May 2011.
The cause of the accident is under investigation. Brewer said in a statement that Shadle died after colliding with another SEAL in midair. She ordered flags at all state buildings be flown at half-staff on Saturday.
SEAL is an acronym for sea, air, land.
(Reporting by Tim Gaynor, Editing by Alex Dobuzinskis and Eric Beech)


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The Delaware Department of Transportation (DelDOT) is currently in the early phases of a road rehabilitation project for Carter Road from Wheatley's Pond Road to Sunnyside Road. The project will cost roughly $4 million.
THE PROJECT The Delaware Department of Transportation (DelDOT) is currently in the early phases of a road rehabilitation project for Carter Road from Wheatley's Pond Road to Sunnyside Road. The project will cost roughly $4 million.
Construction crews are now in process of moving utilities, according to Louise Holt, public information officer for DelDOT.
The project includes widening of the road to feature 11-foot lanes, five-foot shoulders on each side, curbs and sidewalks on both sides, a drainage system to deal with storms, relocation of utilities poles, streetlights, and a traffic light at the intersection of Carter and Sunnyside roads.
DelDOT public relations officer Jim Westhoff previously explained the purpose of the project is to make the road wider and safer for cars, bicyclists, walkers, and joggers.
"This will be a major improvement for the community," Westhoff said.
HISTORY The project has been proposed for more than 10 years, according to State Sen. Bruce Ennis (D-Smyrna). Ennis explained last year prior to the start of DelDOT moving utilities that the road has been in terrible shape for years and there was concern for pedestrians and bicyclists because of the lack of shoulders, and in some spots the lack of sidewalks.
Residents initially wanted the road to just be repaved, but DelDOT officials recommended widening the road and adding shoulders first.
As part of the project, DelDOT had to purchase property from some residents on the road in order to widen the road and add sidewalks.
WHAT'S NEXT Holt said the bid for the project was awarded earlier this spring to A-Del Construction in Newark. Of nine bidders, A-Del was the lowest with a cost of a little over $4 million.
While the moving of utilities is ongoing, road construction is expected to start in a few weeks.
"The construction is set to start in mid-July," Holt said. "The anticipated completion date is for late October 2013, weather permitting."
Email Jennifer Dailey at email@example.com.


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To report an emergency in progress, call 911.
December 12, 2012
The Placer County Board of Supervisors on Tuesday honored three volunteer firefighters from Dutch Flat who have given a combined 111 years of volunteer service to their community. Firefighters Keith Petersen, Charlie Bridges and Robert "Bob" Joslin all received commendations from the Board for being a mainstay for their community.
The three men have provided the following:
"These 'Three Amigos' as they are known, have really been the glue that kept the department together," said Supervisor Jennifer Montgomery, whose 5th District includes the Dutch Flat area, "Their commitment to community and department operations have kept it running smoothly."
Charlie Bridges, who started as a volunteer in 1967, has attained the rank of captain and has served in that position for 20 of his 45 years.
Robert Joslin, in addition to being a firefighter, is also a certified Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) and has an Associate's Degree in Fire Science. He is self employed as a geotechnical engineer for more than 30 years.
Keith Petersen is also a certified EMT, in addition to being a firefighter. He works for the California Highway Patrol in their maintenance division and has used his automobile bodywork experience to restore and maintain fire apparatus.
The Dutch Flat fire department annually responds to about 250 calls from the surrounding communities, including traffic incidents in nearby Interstate 80.
The community service typified by these three, long-time volunteers is precisely what the county is currently looking for as Placer County fire agencies continue to seek volunteers in fire service in communities throughout the unincorporated county. Volunteer duties can run the gamut from assisting with community events associated with fire stations to being a fully certified volunteer firefighter who responds to calls for service.
For information about volunteering in the fire service, please contact CAL FIRE/Placer County Fire, at 530-889-0111. The next firefighter academy is expected to be held in early 2013. However, before being enrolled in an academy, applicants must successfully complete the applicant process which can take up to several months. Those interested are encouraged to begin the process as soon as possible. The application process for lower levels of service are typically less complicated and time consuming, but all volunteers are encouraged to apply early.
In other actions, The Board approved a commendation for Rocklin City Councilman Peter Hill, for his service to his city, the county, and the region, congratulating him on his retirement. Hill has served on the Rocklin City Council for 29 years and has been mayor six times. In addition to his city responsibilities, Hill has served on the Placer County Air Pollution Control District, the Placer County Transportation Planning and as Chair of the Board of Directors for the South Placer Regional Transportation Authority.
The Board also approved a commendation recognizing Mary Ann Allen for her many years of service to the Placer County Community Services Commission. Allen, a member of a pioneer Placer County family, was appointed to the Placer County Community Services Commission serving as an at large member representing the northern area of Placer County and has since served over 12 consecutive years as a commissioner. She has been a tireless advocate of providing needed services to Placer County's low-income residents who have immediate life necessities such as food, shelter, and health care needs. She has demonstrated her dedication to providing services to the less fortunate members of our communities by her nearly perfect attendance at commission meetings.


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this one's for phil
I'm Gonna Talk About Feminism, So Please Ignore Everything I Say
i have a penis, which automatically disqualifies me from having any authority on this topic. i'm okay with that. but it has been coming up a lot in my wanderings around the internet, which is a good thing. it needs to be talked about. the first step in addressing the problem of the patriarchal system is acknowledging the fact that we're in it. i'm on board up to this point.
but what are the subsequent steps? as much as it's good to talk about this problem that needs to be changed, is there any plan of attack on how we're supposed to implement any changes? and what changes? surely it's not a wholesale thing, there's bound to be some useful stuff in the existing framework. what stays? what goes? and what takes its place? and how? i do wonder how long it will be before simply bitching about it isn't enough any more. could be quite some time. god knows we all love bitching. it will be interesting to see how society answers those questions.
i think the thing that really bugs me about what i read is the assumption that, because i'm a dude and i obviously benefit from the way things are right now, that i don't want it to change. i am in every way a majority demographic in this country, so everything is designed to be working for me, right? and in some ways, it is, i suppose. i have certainly benefited in ways that i don't even realize. it is admittedly difficult to take particular note of when something DOESN'T happen. countless instances where i haven't been raped. or objectified. or marginalized. i don't notice, because there's nothing there for me to take umbrage with, and the moment passes without a thought.
please do not expect me to suddenly start noticing all the things that could have possibly happened and didn't. there is debate on whether or not a physical difference exists between how lady brains and dude brains operate, but believe me, i have severe dude brain. i just also happen to be smart enough to have a little bit of capacity for lady thought tacked on there. but proportionally, it is minute, underdeveloped, and it operates sporadically. so, i have moments where i might be able to think like a young girl. but most of the time them shits ain't happening. and the dizzying web of fully developed adult woman thought is well beyond my capacity to comprehend. my brain just won't do it. it can't. maybe some guys can, i don't know. i can take one thought and go extremely deep with it, but i cannot see how that one thought interconnects with every single other thought simultaneously. i would have to examine each connection one by one, which would take a very, very long time. which is why i am never, ever, going to notice all of the things that don't happen. it is not because i'm too lazy to actually try. it's because my single-core brain, while wicked fast, was not optimized for multi-threaded applications. i have accepted that. i recommend everyone else does too.
this video says i'm full of shit:
in the headphone test, i managed to discern neither side, because i was so overwhelmed with thinking about trying to draw with both hands at the same time, and how hard that would be. the audio was just noise. just to let you know what you're dealing with here.
but if you're willing to venture down the google rabbit hole, there's a lot of conflicting science stuff that basically boils down to: we don't know, maybe brains are like snowflakes, we guess. so the fact that my brain can only focus on one thing at a time may not be caused by amniotic testosterone levels when i was a fetus. or it might.
either way, the important part is that we are all people. we all have brains. our brains enable us to think of ourselves as people. every last one of us has a sense of self. i think my biggest problem with the way many feminists are approaching this issue is that they are not acknowledging the heart of what's causing the problem. it's not because it's a man's world, run for men, by men - although that may be true. it's because our sense of self, our whole identity, is so intertwined with our gender. if you are a shining example of womanhood; a beacon of strength, beauty, power and compassion, then you will never be able to be equal. nor if you are all that is man, can you ever hope to bridge that gap. duality is not equality. having cake is not eating it.
this problem is not going to go away until society as a whole starts thinking of itself as people. that can't happen until we stop thinking of ourselves as men and women. that's a scary thought. since day one, i've been told i'm a guy. i've thought of myself as a guy. i grew up learning how to be one of the guys. if i give up on that lifetime of developing into a guy, then where does that put me? my perceived worth, my body image, my value to society, my existence as a human being, my relationships with other humans, are all viewed through that qualifying lens of guydom.
this is why it is such a volatile issue. as soon as the topic is broached, our ego senses a threat to its existence and immediately fires up defense mode. the ego exists for the sole purpose of perpetuating itself. it has wreaked no end of havoc on my life, and continues to be a real prick. it tells me all kinds of lies about who i am, and most importantly, what's gonna make me happy. it always says that just one more thing, that next whatever it is, then i'll be satisfied. but it isn't. ever. and for the longest time i thought that WAS me. it blew my mind the first time i was introduced to the idea that my ego was not me. that self and me could be two separate entities. that completely blasted the doors off my reality.
it's still very new to me, and i'm not entirely cozy with it, but i do like the idea. it makes good sense based on what i've experienced. it is certainly reassuring to know that my core person doesn't have to be the same as some of those insane thoughts i have floating around. that i can take a step back and watch my ego think. watch it burn its wheels up in futility. that used to be me. still is, far more often than i'd care to admit. i'm reticent to fully let go of my ego. i have a lot of time and resources invested in that facade that i spent a lifetime unconsciously erecting. and even if they're lies, at least it's familiar territory. they're lies that i believed for a long time. the great white unknown is far more daunting. it's weird to be a grown ass man, and then suddenly realize you don't know who you are, and maybe you're not even a grown ass man in the first place. but it's also kind of exciting, you know? i'm curious to meet me. there's got to be somebody in there, right? i just hope it's someone nice. and i have to believe it's someone whose opinions and emotions are no more or less legitimate and valuable than anybody else's. regardless of what they look like, or how smart they are, or how they identify themselves.
so, 'i am woman, hear me roar' is all well and good, (and right now, we need that roar to generate awareness, so don't stop) but just know that in doing that, you're still in some ways a part of the problem. and i don't blame you in the slightest. literally everything in our social world depends on that gender-based, dichotomous foundation. so, until we're ready to base it on something else - like, mustard packets or something - this is going to continue to be a problem.
this article is what got me started, if you want to know. i had snarky answers for all the questions too:
1. I am angry. And no one will fuck me. There is not necessarily causality between the two.
2. No
3. They already run the show there. Trust me.
4. It's 'mascunazi', jeez.
5. No
6. I'm not married.
7. I have had trouble, but that's not why.
8. I am not a father, nor am I established in my career.
9. Never, which is probably why my ego has attached itself to so many things other than my physical appearance. Regardless, all ego must die. It's a constant struggle.
10. Yes
11. No. People seriously do that? Why? Man, people are stupid.
12. Nope. The more someone else carries the conversation, the less I have to think about how to phrase my contribution. I do waste entirely too much energy on phrasing things that I never even wind up saying.
13. No. I'm sensing a trend here. People place a lot more value on their body image than I do.
14. Wait, I'm not a hyper-sexualized object of fantasy?
15. Yes, although I am very dismissive of many men's shows
16. Not always, but sometimes. Seriously, I have.
17. I am not an independent young man, and I resent that it is what is expected of me. It should NOT be a given, but it is.
18. Only when I worked with someone else who had the same initials.
19. I don't game, but again we're dealing with the ego thing. You're attempting to identify as something. To attach your sense of self worth to that moniker. And you resent that the name is stereotypically masculine. But I'm telling you, I don't care how gender neutral that thing is, as long as your sense of self is being derived from an external title, then it is going to be subject to the whimsy of the public sphere, and you will never be fulfilled. It doesn't matter what kind of parts you have, or what you want to have sex with, you are doomed to unhappiness as long as you are entwining your 'self' with 'else'. As long as you are discontent with being you, what the outside world perceives you as being is largely irrelevant.
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it's ... ALIIIIIIIVVVE!
BAHAHAHAHA! i made a thing.
by which i mean i spent probably too much money online. but this is awesome. the case definitely required some modification. but whatever. it works!
this thing is probably one of the fastest machines i've ever used. i'm never going to buy a prebuilt computer again, i swear. it's been super fun. my bowels were tense putting the motherboard/processor all together, but honestly, it wasn't that bad.
is thing
i'm excited for the next one, now that i've made a few mistakes and am figuring out how to do things better. i initially thought that a cheap/free case would be an easy place to save a few bucks. not a great plan. it's like throwing a brand new corvette motor into a volvo 240.
still though, having fun. learning stuff. playing in the mud.
just blows my mind how fast the darn thing boots and runs. and it keeps pretty cool, considering how little the case fans i added are actually doing. guess they're doing enough.
happy happy happy.
Inspired by real events
Hey, where the hell did you put the keys?
They're around, i remember i saw em earlier
Around? What a useless answer. I would rather you told me - oh i found them
See, i told you they were around.
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well, i bought stuff. still waiting on the motherboard and ssd to come in the mail, but...
this is what's going down. hopefully it's awesome.
i'll probably post pics after. because, you know, that's a thing people do.
i should clarify. i had a pretty good christmas, financially speaking. so, this little guinea pig is going in my dad's ancient gateway atx case, to be used with the projector in the basement as an HTPC.
i will be continuing to shop around, now that i'm starting to learn what it is i'm looking for, and how much shit is going to cost, to build MY pc that will hopefully last a while. so, this is essentially just a practice build for me to bloody my knuckles on. that way when i drop some more serious money on hardware, i'll feel more confident in my decision making process.
as a sidenote, i have really enjoyed doing the research on this project. even since i ordered the parts, i've learned a lot more about the various parts. it's a happy accident that some of the things i ordered fit together as nicely as they do. and there are definitely a couple of things i picked which are less than ideal, now that i look at it. i guess that was kind of the point. but it's been really nice to be able to dig into something like this, and gain a better understanding of how these things work. also, useful knowledge for future times. i will probably never be a "computer guy," which i'm really okay with. just like i will never be an auto mechanic. but it's fun to be able to work on my own toys. and feel like i could actually have a conversation with someone about it and not be totally lost.
so, i'm thinking i want to build a pc.
i've been studying up on stuff, and it seems simple enough.
that being said, the selection of parts available is pretty overwhelming, so any input or suggestions are welcome and appreciated.
this is not a gaming pc, as i'm not a gamer. i would be using it for interwebs and itunes, primarily. normal home computering stuff. about the only thing i might consider doing with it that would demand higher performance is digital audio recording, and even then, that wouldn't really be too strenuous.
i want it to last me a while, so upgradeability is a consideration. if i can get away with replacing a couple components in the future, as things become obsolete, i would much rather do that than replace the whole thing. i don't want to spend top dollar on the absolute latest and greatest shit, because frankly i don't need it, and would be pissed off in a couple years when it becomes dirt cheap. but i also don't want to totally cheap out and get junk. there has to be a happy medium in there somewhere.
i'm thinking an APU makes sense, so i don't have to get a separate video card. i'll probably go with an amd processor, since i don't want to pay intel prices for something with comparable performance.
i like the idea of getting an SSD for the OS, and then having a separate HDD for cheap storage.
i know absolutely dick about motherboards, other than they need to be compatible with the processor, and accommodate whatever crap you're adding on.
RAM: 8GB should be plenty, yes? not sure how much speed i would want. probably just match to the top end of whatever motherboard i wind up with?
PSU: i know it's important. ummm, modular? wattages? i have no idea. again, i'm not gaming, so it shouldn't draw too much juice. just something solid to get the job done.
i'm not overly concerned about peripherals. i'm sure i'll be able to piecemeal that stuff together.
i'm thinking i could get a secondhand case pretty easily. i don't give two fucks what it looks like. just as long as it has enough space for everything, and enough airflow to keep things cool. maybe i'm wrong on this, but it just seems like the easiest place to cut costs. also, fans?
i am planning on going with windows. i'm on XP right now, but support has ended. have i mentioned my laptop is gonna be 10 this year? i didn't like vista at all. 7 was good. i haven't used 8 or 8.1 yet. traditionally, it seems like every other version is good, while the alternates suck a bag of donkey dick. so, that would mean 8 was all shitty, but 8.1 is probably okay? i don't know. this is why i'm asking. if they both suck, i'm okay with just putting 7 on it. not sure where to get a product key on the cheap, but i don't really want to pirate a bogus one. meh.
so, that's where i'm at.
thoughts? feelings? PLZ HALP.
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Summer is over, hopefully winter wont be so bad this year. I started my new job. Loving the new hours. Not sure what do with all my free time now. Still working on trying to have a baby, taking longer then I thought. Just have to remind my self its only been 3 months. Excited for the future.
things that make me not want to get married
1. the wedding.
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Does anyone even still go on this??
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the adventure continues....
hello. this entry is per beaver's request, but i also have plenty i've been meaning to share anyway.
so, i left off last with some of the uglier portions of my story, my first tangible spiritual experience, and the pink cloud i got to ride on for awhile afterward.
i have 'finished' step 4. step 10 basically covers the same ground, but is more for maintenance as things crop up, now that the majority of the housecleaning is done. i at least have a list i can reference, and add to as things occur to me. considering the amount of chemicals i've used to kill my brain, it's not surprising that some stuff i don't remember. so, i try to put it down as i encounter it. incomplete as it felt it was time to move on. step 5 is essentially a confession of the crap from your past that's weighing on you. again, i felt that this portion was somewhat incomplete - certainly not my entire life story. but really, the whole thing would be boring and be a case of diminishing returns. the point is that i'm willing to disclose any part of my sordid history, and am not trying to shy away from it myself, or hide it from anyone else. it does not mean i should force someone to endure it in its entirety.
maybe it would be better to break things down this way:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
i had done this step before my first meeting. the decision to come to AA was the ultimate admission of defeat. i saw no other options. but my dad has been sober for 19 years, so when the time came, it was obvious to me where i could go for a solution that would work. i just wasn't going to go there until i was willing to admit that i had a problem. the unmanageability of my life was a given. i hadn't been trying to run the show for quite a while. no wonder i felt like i was adrift, living a purposeless life. the part i have only come to realize in retrospect is how much alcohol took the reins. i remember coming into meetings early on and hearing lots of things i could identify with. these things tend to be pretty common among alcoholics. it was a convincing argument for my position among their ranks. but i also heard a lot of sob stories about hitting rock bottom. this wasn't me at all! i never got a DUI (regardless of how many i should have gotten. like, a lot. it's staggering, really.) i didn't destroy a family/relationship. i didn't lose a job (not true. i lost several. again, denial prevented me from seeing it at the time). i never sucked dick for blow. you get the idea. but it's hard to get a DUI when you don't have a car. it's hard to destroy a relationship when you're single. i had unwittingly custom-built a lifestyle that accommodated and facilitated my drinking. when i gave up on life, booze took it over for me, so that's what it became all about. my new life mission was to never run out of vodka or cigarettes, and wish for the rest of the world to leave me the fuck alone.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
i am powerless over alcohol. nobody else can do this for me, even if they tried, and i wouldn't want to put that burden on anyone else's shoulders anyway. that wouldn't be fair. so, a higher power is pretty much the only option left. without it, i will get drunk. i haven't gotten drunk in over 5 months. this means that what started as an innocent little unfounded belief is quickly becoming reliable faith based on my evident continued sobriety. the insanity is the self-delusion. the truth is right there staring me in the face. but my brain has the amazing ability to replay things over and over and over again in my head, tweaking little details each time, until the picture has become so distorted that i am convinced. it is lying to me, and i begin to believe it. justification of all sorts of sick thoughts and behaviors, based on lies which were initially rooted in reality. to get so turned around that you don't know what's real and true, and what isn't, is insane. quite literally. not that i've had regular conversations with trees. in fact, i could treat all sorts of other matters quite rationally. but when it comes to me and my feelings and my sense of self - and let's not forget my drinking - all reason flies out the window and the insanity creeps in. but spirituality can fix it for me? hellz yeah! i am a lazy fuck. any and all responsibility i can foist off on something else, regardless of how ethereal the entity, is something i can get behind.
3. made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him.
again, i'm fucking lazy. but for some reason i still have this compulsion to try and control things. i say i am willing to relinquish my will and my life to this being that i still don't fully understand (the more i learn, the more woefully inadequate my understanding proves), but suddenly find myself clinging to things. still trying to do stuff my way. getting upset when something is taken from me, or when i can't have things that i want. i am a child. i throw tantrums and hissy fits. i'm sure god - and probably most everyone watching - laughs hysterically. but the turnaround time is getting better, little by little. i don't fight as much, or for as long. the temptation is there to cling to the anger. i like it. i feel powerful. i feel justified. i am not. it is stupid to think that. i have proven it doesn't work. shit works a lot better if i stop fighting and just let it happen. i am often shocked at how well things work out. even better than what i had imagined, more often than not.
4. made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character.
i don't know that i was really 'ready'. but again, it was one of those things where i have to keep moving. if i wait until i'm ready to do something, it'll never happen. if i wait until my inventory is complete, i'll never get done. the key here is willingness. i am not perfect - far from it. but i'm willing to try to get better. i'm willing to try to let my creator - whatever it is - take all of me, good and bad (that's in the 7th step prayer). it's wild to think that god can use the bad stuff in me to create good in the lives of others, but he can and does, without me even having to see it. it just happens. but if i don't give it to him, he can't use it. better let him work his magic. i just have to sit down shut up and watch the show.
7. humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings
it does not say 'adamantly demanded' that he remove our defects. humility and servility are important here. the prayer expounds a bit: "...i pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows." how often i obstruct my usefulness with selfish desires, self-absorption, or just distraction. we live in a noisy world. there's a lot that pulls us away from the here and now. away from the opportunities to help that are directly in front of us. i always thought it was stupid that people will send money to aid some third world country, then turn around and snub (or loudly complain about) the homeless and hungry in their own communities. how much more gratifying is it to help someone else than it is to buy a new toy? how much longer does the satisfaction linger? this is the better course. i aim to be greedily generous of myself and my resources, so i can feel that good. all the time. or, at least, as often as my awareness allows. i miss a lot of opportunities to help. but there are always always more. i just have to keep looking, and be at the ready when the time comes to capitalize on them.
8. made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
my sponsor has kind of been blending steps together. i appreciate this, as my brain is pretty helter skelter about a lot of shit. i can't just sit down for an hour and say "okay that's done. next step." that's not the way it works when we're dealing with memories and emotions. so i'm glad that i'm not forcibly tied to a strict set of rules. the steps are separated distinctly, and placed in order, for a reason, yes. but they are also designed to sort of flow naturally into one another. all this stuff is related, so it's hard to touch on one string without it's vibrations setting off other strings of a similar frequency.
so my homework, which i have not been doing, is to make a list of all the people i've harmed. i have a good start on the list, as all of the people from step 4 are pretty much going to carry over here, but again there's room for addition. there are plenty of people that i don't even realize i've hurt. or things that i've been hanging onto, that the people they were inflicted upon don't even remember. even if they don't know i've hurt them, or shrug it off, it is still important that i get that off my chest. only then will i be free of that injury playing over and over and over again in the worlds shittiest cinema - my brain.
so that's where i'm at as far as the 12 steps are concerned. progress is being made. that's all anyone can hope for.
the pink cloud is no longer quite so present. remnants, perhaps. and i haven't had any really notable spiritual experiences like that moment in the car, but i have been checking in more often (i have never prayed this much before in my life), and it's paying dividends in my sanity, if not my conduct. work is a total bitch, so it's a perfect place to really put this crap into practice. real life. real time. and it's constantly pissing me off. so... lots and lots of good practice there.
i need to go to bed, but there's more i didn't get to touch on yet:
- i can't live with myself: me and self (eckhart tolle - the power of now)
- fabric of the universe
- fellowshit
possible road trip next summer.
If I collect enough lines of decent dialogue, eventually I can string them all together and make a movie
"What's bizzaro world? What the fuck kind of question... Bizzaro world is a world in which things are bizarre. It's like "shipwreck cove" or "the island of faggots." You don't need to ask what it is, as soon as you're aware it exists, you should already know."
fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering...
so, the program continues. i am currently working on step 4 - moral inventory. i wasn't really sure what i was supposed to do at first, but i went ahead and did my best with it anyway. now that i've kinda done it, i'm realizing it wasn't nearly as big as i thought. just focus on what's weighing on you the most, be honest, don't omit anything. that's the hardest part. make a list of what you're angry about. make a list of what you're afraid of (not necessarily phobias, but more day to day life stuff). sex history (i think i remembered all of their names ... maybe.) you really need a sponsor for this step. and you need to write it down. you can't do it in your head. the whole point is ultimately to get rid of it. you can't get rid of it if you're keeping it in your head.
sorry guys, but there's no skirting this issue. there just isn't. i like to think i'm a pretty smart guy. i grew up with church every week, and the bearded guy in the clouds, winged angels in heaven, blah, blah, blah. then i became a teenager and went, "wait a minute, what the fuck? why am i buying this wholesale, without even questioning it?" i questioned it. is god real? is god fake? have they been lying to me this whole time? what about jesus? what about buddha? this is madness, and i want no part of it. it made me feel the same way i've always felt about politics. i hate politics. two parties arguing about shit that doesn't matter while they don't seem to notice the world crashing around their ears. ignorant followers that are strongly opinionated on issues that they haven't even really investigated just parroting someone elses beliefs. and does the leader really even believe that, or are they just using it to distract the lemmings from their secret agenda, which invariably revolves around making money. after all, politicians are businessmen and women, at the end of the day. so fuck it. i'm not going to waste my time listening to their bullshit. christianity made me feel like that. "i'm gonna go to heaven because jesus died on a cross, and his father is the one god (nevermind that whole holy spirit conundrum). if you don't believe this you're wrong, and i need to make you believe it, even if i can't legitimately articulate why i believe it. them heathen muslim towelhead camel jockeys murderin' and rapin' all the time ... send 'em all straight to hell, bur bur bur, 'murica." why all the fighting? can't you idiots see that you're all talking about the same damn thing? why do we get so hung up on what to call it, and whose name is right or wrong? the important part is that we are acknowledging a common human experience that should bring us closer together, rather than farther apart. at this point, i could at least concede that there was something out there. i'd felt and seen it at work enough in my own life to admit that it was there. there were too many things that fit too perfectly together to be mere coincidence. i also cite the prevalence of at least some form of diety/religion in almost every culture around the globe throughout human history, even in geographically isolated regions, as fairly compelling evidence. but i still didn't want to enter the discussion. i didn't want to argue with someone about god, allah, the creator, the spirit of the universe, or bob the great sheep in the sky. that wasn't the point. i needed something that was real. that had an impact on and pragmatic use in my life. i think i'm finally finding that. starting to.
delirium tremens is no fun. if you've experienced it, you know. if you haven't, then take me on my word that it is not a place you want to go. i have never felt so scared and helpless in my life. and i couldn't make it stop. i was stuck in the vicious cycle; though self-imposed in a way, it seemed interminable. and even if i did get clean long enough for the shaking to stop (i caught a bug that was going around last fall and didn't come out of my room for 48 hours straight, but to go to the bathroom to puke/shit/try and drink a little water, when i could manage to walk. my roommates didn't even know i was home. i probably came closer to death than i would really care to consider.) it wouldn't be long before a drink sounded good, 'just to settle my stomach,' or whatever the justification was at the time. and once i started, i physically couldn't stop. my body demanded more. it craved that which was destroying it. so for me, this really is life or death business. a normal person may not be able to comprehend the seriousness of the problem, but i must never forget what that was like. i never want to go back to there. and if i drink anything, it won't be long before i pick up right where i left off. at first, yeah, i could probably have a beer or two at a party. and then a beer or two after work (a reward which i have earned well through my labor, right?!). but really, what's the point of just having a couple? if you're gonna drink, might as well have fun with it and get fucked up. remember, i earned this! it's not long before we're back to a half pint of vodka in the morning just to settle my nerves enough to go about my day.
it is very real. the wolf is always at the door. i live a quarter mile from a liquor store. nobody's gonna stop me, especially if i have half a mind to do it. so it's vitally important to remember why i don't want to. and the miracle of this 'god business' is that i really don't want to anymore. i don't need to. i hardly think about it any more. even at parties, i'm not really tempted to. i've proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that it ultimately doesn't make anything better. in fact, it makes life much much worse for me, and everybody around me. why wouldn't i want to take the path of improvement? of contentedness?
so, needless to say, i was at a point of desperation. i couldn't stop drinking - didn't even enjoy it anymore. i was dying. i was willing to do anything, so long as it promised to 'get me off this crazy thing.' so i start my day with a couple cocktails (this being a pint glass with 4 fingers of bottom shelf vodka, topped off with tap water), go to work for my 8am-2pm shift, the end of which is always a horrible horrible experience, pull the pint of vodka from my backpack as soon as i'm off the clock, make a 50/50 with warm water from the bathroom sink in one of the cups from the cafeteria, because it has a lid and a straw so i don't spill it all over while i'm shaking, trying to drink it. once that's drained the shaking stops. i'm waiting for the bus, it's an hour ride to the nearest AA club, which is in a different state. bought a half gallon at the store (since i was already in town, you know?), just to stock up for the weekend. by the time the bus ride was done, i was tuned up enough to walk normally again, and approaching brave enough to even speak up at the meeting and ask for help. i did. guy at the meeting volunteered to drive me home. we talked. grabbed a sando. sat on my deck and ate while my shakes came back. he takes off. i make another drink. i go for a hike with a friend through the woods, work up a good sweat. i brought a flask, just in case, but didn't need it. made gradually weaker and weaker drinks that night, until i was basically drinking water. that was march 20. march 21, i didn't consume any alcohol. i wound up giving that half gallon away to a friend. i woke up in the morning, shaking like a motherfucker, but managed to have some toast and a glass of water without spilling all over myself or the kitchen. it took about a month for the shaking to subside completely. i'm sure there's still at least some residual permanent damage to my nervous system, but i feel better than i've felt in years. and that is a miracle. a miracle that god worked in me. that's the only way i can explain it. as much as you might argue that it was just me not taking a drink, it's simply not true. left to my own devices, i get drunk. it's what i do. i'm good at it, if that's what your objective is. i know all the tricks. it was not me that did that. i just asked the universe to help me stop, and it did. and i still do that every single morning. and i thank the universe for keeping me sober at the end of every day.
i had a spiritual awakening of sorts earlier this week. i've been praying and talking about - god i guess, for lack of a better term - a lot in the past 2 months, honestly giving up all self to the whim of the universe. how may i best serve others and help do the good of the world today? grant me serenity, courage, wisdom. tell me what the fuck to do, because i don't know. help me place others before myself. i'm yours to command, since life was a shitshow when i was calling the shots, so you're in charge now. take it, i don't want it. every morning i do this.
notice, i'm not talking about jesus. i'm not reading the bible more. i'm not going to church more. but i am praying... to whatever the hell it is. i am talking with others about this thing and how they perceive it; what their experiences have been.
so, i'm driving home after work tuesday, thinking about work stuff. i'm getting all riled up about stuff that's going on there (trust me, it's frustrating as shit. all jobs have their pain in the ass parts to them, but this is like the worst horrorshow of an abortion i've every been party to as far as employment goes. it ruffles my feathers. but i'm viewing it as a sort of test - an opportunity to practice - handling these emotions, and seeking the best course of action. trying out this newfangled god thing everyone in the meetings is saying they use. i view this as pragmatism.) so, i sense the noise in my brain starting to rev up, the negative thoughts floating around in there are building up steam. suddenly i hit 'pause'. boom. stop. where's god? what's he up to right now? so - words really can't describe the actual experience, but i will do my best - i go to this room in my mind, which i have never been in, and god is there just chilling. there is no big booming voice. there is no real peace washing over me - at least, not the way i imagined it - but i am suddenly at ease. i'm all like "hey god, what's up?" and he's all like "nmh, just chilling". suddenly it was all okay. all of my anxiety over shit at work was gone. i just realized that god wasn't freaking out about this stuff, and if god really is in charge of the show, then why am i freaking out? there's nothing to worry about. it's taken care of. i need not concern myself with it. just suit up and show up. play my part, and be of optimum service. be ready when the time for my usefulness comes into play, waiting patiently.
and in that moment, there wasn't a sense of god saying "finally, you decide to check in, where the fuck have you been? your mother was worried sick!" i was just totally welcome. "please stop back anytime. it's encouraged. maybe even stick around awhile, if you'd like." i would like. i would like very much. but i'm prone to wandering, so at the moment i am going to content myself with trying to check in more often. maybe i can at least handle that. i mean, five seconds after this happened, i was all pissed at the person in front of me for driving wrong, so. you know. baby steps.
and that's the beautiful part. it's always there. it's always been there. all i have to do is reach out and touch it. i don't have to achieve some level of sanctity or whatever in order to be granted access to it. it's there all the time, should i have the presence of mind to use it. even some fucked up basket case like me is always welcome. that's so cool. i've been riding this pink cloud all week. it's awesome. i'm giddy happy and annoyingly excited about life in a way i haven't been, maybe ever. and it was not the clouds parting and a bearded man with a big booming voice and lightning bolts. it was a chill ass hippie dude in an empty room in my head, on my way to the gas station after work.
I will start this post by pointing out that I typed in my username and password for woohu without flinching even though it's been saved in my computer for 5 years (just built a new PC). I think that says something.
me references will be in italics. ;)
I will continue by saying that I miss me. I'm not entirely sure I know what me is anymore, but I'm pretty sure I miss it. As a disclaimer I will say that none of this is meant to be sad or foreboding in three at all. Just a rant.
I have this notion that any sense of self I had is gone with all the hobbies I used to have.
I understand that being 27 it is a totally normal thing to be unsure of direction and/or choice, what the fuck am I doing?
I had all these plans to do these big things (that weren't one-hundred percent attainable) and now here I am, a cog in the machine.
If I'm going to live in these conditions, I wish I was a teacher at least. At least then I might have the comfort of knowing I'm doing something for the future and our youth whether or not they give a shit (and usually I can't blame them if not).
I reflect sometimes and honestly feel like it's deserved. I've done many things that have warranted my conundrum. So self deprecating I is.
But then there's the other side. Considering I'm with a mother who's in a perpetual mental breakdown and a father who will hate you if the wind changes direction: I'm alive, I eat, I drink, I'm typing on a computer; things can't be that bad.
I almost blame my raising. The raising involving America being the best and being privileged just to be involved. I don't think it's the same anymore. We're not the best. I will soon be a part of a motion picture that someone in Sweden will watch and say "man, I'm glad I live here and not there regardless of how entertaining this drama is". Does that make sense? Basically I have a notion that we will soon be portrayed as less than first world. Not that less than first world is less than anything but... whatever this isn't the point.
My point is all I do is reminisce. I reminisce about times when I didn't have to think so much. I reminisce about the people who made thinking optional at most. I reminisce about love gone, love I wasted, love I should have valued. I was so carefree I felt like love was water; the most abundant of resources.
Now I'm aware; and too much so. I have a perspective of things I've done, things I'm doing, and things I will do. This is equal parts frustrating and enlightening. Equal parts "I want to apologize to everyone" and "want to stand my ground". If I hadn't made the shitty choices I've made in the past, I wouldn't be so enlightened but I wish I could go back and at the least prevent them or remake them.
I've been told by some of the people I love most that I'm not good enough for anything that is normal a lot of my life, when I was young and still today, and this has been the basis of my relationships since I was a tweenager (this is the only word in this post with a red scribble underneath it as I'm typing and I'm proud of that). I shouldn't have said that because now another mistake will be pointed out.
With this said, All i want is to know what I want. I want to know what is wantable. Is there something I should want? Want want want. Need Need Need.
That is all for tonight. Again, just a rant. Have a good night.
Summer is going by way too fast. I swear I have every weekend off booked already. Next month marks baby making time, so excited. Hopefully it wont take too long. I didn't get the first shift job. I just keep telling myself it will save me lots of money on day care. So excited for our future.
this whole sobriety thing
*tolkien analogies in italics
i think i might try to start posting my AA stuff on here, just because i would like to have a place to put my thoughts and progress, and this seems a more suitable venue than facebook.
current status: i have a sponsor. i make it to as many meetings as possible, but tuesday night and friday night men's stags are my mainstays, as they fit into my schedule well, and i like the stag meetings. since i started my job, going every day has not been an option. not even close. even the monday night meetings with david have stopped, but i do talk to him on tuesday nights at least.
to sum up briefly (i may come back later and edit):
don't drink.
if only for the next five minutes, ten minutes, an hour, a day. don't worry about forever, or even tomorrow, just don't drink today.
fix the spirit first - the mind and body will follow
don't think your way into right living, live your way into right thinking.
pick the god that you want to be in charge of your life. if you're giving all control of your life to god's will, it should be a god that you're comfortable entrusting with it. (my god laughs at fart jokes) gandalf
don't drink.
pray. all the time.
establish a routine. ask for guidance in the morning (and remind yourself who's in charge while you're at it), say thanks at night.
don't drink.
be honest. completely, brutally, painfully honest. about everything.
be cognizant of what's going on between your ears. motives behind activities are important (WHY you're doing something helps determine whether or not it is advisable to do so).
don't let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT)
be honest, open, and willing (HOW)
don't drink.
alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful. the one ring
you have a disease, which is why you see others (who don't have it) drinking with impunity.
be of service. be available to help. look to be used for god's will.
don't drink.
it's pretty simple, really. i was just making shit unnecessarily complicated all this time. might not be easy, but it's simple. and it permeates everything in my life, whether i like it or not.
Hi woohu. How have you been?
fuck bitches, get money
I'm making enough money to buy the shit I want and do the things I want to do.
You can call me a quitter because I'm not doing my "dream job".
Money cant buy happiness.
But it can sure buy me the things that make life cushy.
And I like that.
If you were dating a secretary would you get her something for secretary's day? She's not your secretary, you didn't make her a secretary, in fact, she brings work home all the time and makes you a part time secretary too. Then she expects some gift for secretary's day? That would be completely unreasonable.
because batman
you can see the whole post here
skink is the best
sleep like a baby...
i never understood that. people say sleep like a baby when they are trying to describe a peaceful, restful sleep.
babies wake up and cry every couple hours. doesn't seem very restful to me. not to mention the whole having to eat, then burp, then throw up, then rest in your own excrement. i'd cry too. definitely not something i would consider in any way peaceful.
also, this is pretty cool:
the varied states of corn
turns out i'm a pig....
i never really considered how being friend-zoned basically implies that (assuming the friendzoner is a lady, and the friendzonee is me) it is somehow the fault of the lady for not being into me, as opposed to being my fault for being into her.
as much as it always seems like "i just can't help the way i feel about you," why is it suddenly so bad a thing that she just can't help the way she doesn't feel about me, you know?
don't get me wrong, ladies, i'm still a pathetic romantic with more emotions than i know what to do with. but i'll try better to not hold it against you for not being interested in such a hot mess. not that i blame you in the slightest, and not that i don't feel awful in the rare event that i'm the friendzoner, but there still is some residual subconscious resentment and awkwardness there. and that is wrong.
Had a really good job interview today for a doctors office job. They invited me back tomorrow to shadow. I'm hoping this is a good sign. I really want a mon-fri job on 1st shift. Hopefully I get it and its not too much of a pay cut. The honeymoon was great. So much Sun and food. So hard go back to work. Looking forward to the future.
True Facts About Sloths
... but only if the world slowed way the f#!% down
So the wedding went great, no problems the whole day. The wedding was so much fun. So nice to see everyone all together family and friends. Had so much fun dancing. I cant wait to see all my wedding pictures. It was so nice of the photographer to set up a shoot in the hall and from what I have seen you cant even tell. Many pictures to come. The honeymoon so was also very nice. So warm, nice, good food, and great time. Now back to work :(
things i should be doing right now:
getting ready for bed
things i'm actually doing right now:
my taxes
Procrastination: Hard work might pay off later, being lazy pays off now.
the more things change, the more they stay the same
*greetings from michigan:
my first lengthy stay away from home has come to a close. i haven't touched any alcohol in two weeks. i still don't know what the hell i'm doing with my life. and i already miss tahoe.*
i'm beginning to remember why i really didn't miss having the internet that much.
i don't need to know about your stupid kid, or what you're having for dinner, or the 10 reasons you belong in house baratheon.
i really don't.
the only time i missed it is when there was some silly piece of trivial knowledge that i couldn't remember, or i had to file an important form, or needed to pay a bill.
that's basically it. maybe watch videos, or steal music from somewhere, since i'm online. download shit to make my laptop work when i invariably fuck it up and delete something i wasn't supposed to.
not spend hours poring through meaningless babble about shit that doesn't really matter, in the lives of people who i haven't seen in years, who are only trying to make themselves look as accomplished and successful and happy as they possibly can. apparently it's working, because what started as mild curiosity - purely for the hell of it - proceeded into nostalgia, and eventually progressed to the inevitable "what have i done with my life?!" there are also a few unfortunates thrown in that (i would assume, in the light of those apparent successes) have resorted to more of a cry for help or attention, because they are at least honest about how much life can suck sometimes, combined with buying into everyone else's bullshit.
the sad part is, it is so enticing still. sure, i don't NEED any of this stuff, but why not enjoy some diversions, right? i'll read the entirety of that blog, just because i can. i guess it was marginally entertaining. enriching my life? no. i suppose, if nothing else, it kept me occupied for three hours. and that's something. maybe. i don't know. depends on what your time is worth. and what you choose to spend it on.
time to be more discerning about what it's spent on, rather than finding ways to burn it.
What if we just swam around in warm water all day every day?
For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.
Woohu.com | Random Journal


text:
As we embrace the excitement and refreshment of a new year, we wanted to take a moment to look back at how Stir, events by Match.com, has made an impact in 2012 in the lives of singles from coast to coast. From the beginning of Stir's official launch in May 2012, we've seen firsthand how offering an innovative yet familiar way of meeting other people, in a welcoming and comfortable environment, can make the process of finding a connection with someone else easier and less intimidating. But just how many singles have attended a Stir event this past year? We take a look at the initiative's highlights below:
- This year, Stir has held just over 1,600 events with over 150,000 attendees
- Each month, Stir has hosted over 300 events in more than 80 cities across the country
- Match.com's Stir has forged partnerships with over 800 different venues, small and large, to host these singles events
In further celebration of the newly developed relationships Stir has created with venues all over the country, the team created Stir-branded stickers to give our favorite partners to hang in their windows, signifying that Match.com Stir events are held there! Check out the sticker here:
Be on the lookout for the stickers hanging in your favorite local hotspots, and be sure to check out Stir's latest events happening in your neighborhood by signing onto your Match.com account today. New events for all age groups are added frequently, so head to the "Events" tab onsite to see where Match.com singles are mingling near you in 2013!


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In its last game of the regular season, Burroughs will prepare for the playoffs by taking on one of the best teams in its division. The Burros host Eastern Division, No. 4-ranked Oak Hills on Friday night.
In its last game of the regular season, Burroughs will prepare for the playoffs by taking on one of the best teams in its division. The Burros host Eastern Division, No. 4-ranked Oak Hills on Friday night.
"We want to get a feel for what the playoffs are like, and the caliber of teams we are going to be up against," Burros head coach Todd Mather said. "I still believe that Oak Hills is the top team in our division — the kids can see what the top of division looks like."
Burroughs (5-4) will receive the Desert Sky League's first or second seed in the Eastern Division playoffs based on the outcome of Thursday night's Victor Valley-Silverado game. The Burros won the coin flip on Tuesday to create the best possible scenario if tri-champions occur in the DSL.
"It's not the way we wanted to get it, but we'll definitely take it — it gives us a second chance," Mather said. "We got lucky."
Even though the Burros will know their postseason fate well before they kick off against Oak Hills (8-1), they are going to play to win against the Bulldogs. Oak Hills was ranked No. 1 in the Eastern Division before a narrow loss to Serrano on Oct. 18, and has won its two games since by an average of 40 points.
Burroughs' defense faces a tough task against an Oak Hills offense averaging nearly 500 yards per game. Mather considers the Bulldogs' offense one of the best he has seen in high school, and compared its speed and talent to Burroughs' 2005 offense — the year the Burros won the section championship.
"They have the most speed we've seen all year at the skill positions," Mather said.
Quarterback Nolan Brammer, who has thrown for 1,669 yards and 22 touchdowns this season, leads the Oak Hills offense. The Bulldogs run a spread offense and spend most of their time in four-receiver sets — 85 percent of their plays have come with two receivers lined up on each side.
"Their quarterback is the best we've seen — he's got a cannon. He's rolling right, throwing 65 yards on the run and dropping it in," Mather said. "If we let him sit back in the pocket he's going to kill us."
Burroughs will try to disrupt Oak Hills' potent offense with constant pressure. The Burros got away from their attacking mentality on defense in the past two weeks, and plan to consistently blitz and use defensive line stunts to pressure the Bulldogs.
"We have to try and confuse them — if we sit back and play read-and-react defense it's going to be a long night," Mather said. "We have to take our chances and just try to bring more than they can block."
An increase in defensive pressure means Burroughs will play tighter coverage in the secondary. The Burros will attempt to shake Brammer by disguising pass coverage that shows man-to-man on one side of the field and Cover 2 or Cover 3 on the other.
"We're disguising a lot of our coverages because he's a really good quarterback," Mather said. "We're going to play a little tighter — if we get beat over the top, we get beat over the top."
On the ground, running back Gino Mastandrea carries the ball behind Oak Hills' massive offensive line. Since taking over for injured starter DeZhontaey Fletcher three weeks ago, Mastandrea has run for 512 yards and five touchdowns while averaging 10.9 yards per carry.
Burroughs' offense has had its share of struggles in the past two weeks, and it will be a challenge for the Burros to move the ball against Oak Hills. The Bulldogs have a fast, talented defense anchored by a defensive line featuring Kennedy Emesibe, a 6-foot-3-inch, 247-pound junior that has received offers from a handful of colleges — including Arizona and Washington State.
"He is a Division I player, and we're going to have to look to double-team him and possibly run zone read against him," Mather said. "He's big, physical and very fast."
Burroughs averaged 1.7 yards per carry last week while running for 57 yards against Victor Valley — its second-lowest total of the season. The Burros will have to be patient with the ground game on Friday night.
"We're going to have to stick with it — you have to keep those linebackers running downhill and keep them honest," Mather said. "It's going to be very tough to run on them."
Burroughs will look to run outside out of its double tight sets, which provide the personnel necessary to block Oak Hills' defensive line. The Burros will also try to establish their ground game with zone read plays, featuring running back Trevor Baker, that allow the offensive line to double-team the Bulldogs in the trenches.
"We can double-team on our zone runs, hide Trevor back there and let him pop something to get three, four, or five yards," Mather said. "Usually you don't want to go double tight and let them jam it in there and try to match up with these guys, but I like their front."
Quarterback Ryan Sanford has played more defense the past two games, which is part of the reason Burroughs has struggled to move the ball. Sanford will see less action defensively on Friday night, which will allow him more time to focus on dissecting Oak Hills' defense.
"I have a chance to talk to him about the upcoming offensive series — the first play of the drive he already knows because we talked about it. The last two weeks we haven't been able to do that," Mather said. "We have to do a better job getting him off the field."
Sanford will make most of his throws from outside the pocket against Oak Hills, and most of Burroughs' pass plays will call for quick routes. The Bulldogs' secondary will play off of receivers in coverage, which should leave the short passing game open.
"They'll give us a cushion, so we have to hit some of the quick stuff," Mather said. "We have to run really crisp routes and the ball has to come out on time."
This week Mather has installed a few option plays for Sanford, where the quarterback will diagnose the defense at the line and then pick which side to run the play on. In the Burros' empty set, they will run plays targeting receiver Tyron Jones in space.
"We're capable of moving the ball and doing some decent things against them," Mather said.
Burroughs hosts Oak Hills on Friday night at Sherman E. Burroughs Stadium. Kickoff is at 7 p.m., and the game will be broadcast on 93.7 FM.


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National Minimum Wage increases on 1st October 2011
By Chris Smit on 29-Sep-11 10:26. Comments (0)
A quick reminder for all you business owners out there with employees that on 1st October 2011 the National Minimum Wage is increasing.
When is an accountant not an accountant?
By Chris Smit on 18-May-11 10:53. Comments (0)
We took a call from a small local business last week.
Showing 1 - 2 of 3 Articles


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Summer Corn Chowder
Author Notes: I started making this chowder in 1990 from a recipe I found in Food & Wine. Not being a fan of bell peppers Muay thai, I modified it by adding poblano peppers instead and I think it tastes much better. I have also roasted the poblanos on occasion for a richer flavor It's a huge crowd pleaser!
This is an earthy, moody corn chowder that alternates between sweet and hot. We were intrigued by the technique of cooking the vegetables in their own juices before adding milk and cream, which seems to intensify all the flavors.
Serves 6
6 medium ears of corn
6 strips of bacon, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
1 small onion
1 medium poblano, finely chopped
1 jalape?o pepper, seeded and finely chopped
1 small celery rib, finely chopped
3 medium tomatoes, peeled, seeded and finely chopped
2 medium boiling potatoes (about 1 pound), peeled and cubed
1 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground allspice
Pinch of sugar
1 small bay leaf
2 cups light cream, at room temperature
1 cup milk
Freshly ground black pepper
Chopped parsley, for garnish
Working over a bowl business centre, cut the corn kernels from the cobs at about half their depth. Then, using the back of the knife, scrape the cobs over the bowl to release all the "milk"; set aside.
In a large saucepan, fry the bacon over moderately high heat, stirring occasionally, until crisp, about 10 minutes. Transfer the bacon to paper towels to drain. Crumble and reserve.
Discard all but 3 tablespoons of the bacon drippings from the pan. Add the onion and cook over moderate heat until golden, 4 to 5 minutes. Add the poblano pepper, jalape?o and celery and cook until slightly softened, about 2 minutes. Add the tomatoes, potatoes, salt, allspice, sugar Aluminum Windows, bay leaf and the reserved corn kernels and their "milk" and stir well. Cook over moderate heat until mixture begins to sizzle.
Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until the potatoes are tender, 35 to 45 minutes. Stir in the cream and milk and bring just to a boil. Remove from heat and season with black pepper to taste. Ladle the chowder into bowls and garnish with the crumbled bacon and parsley.