text:
Monday, November 10, 2008
Watch a Cake Being Wrecked
Monday, November 10, 2008
1) No, it's not professionally made.
2) Yes, I'm bending the rules by including it here on Wrecks.
A) Like the CCC, this "technique" must be stopped for the greater good.
B) It's really funny.
C) Mario Lopez in an apron! Hellooo, eye candy!
$500?!? Really? I think Wreckporter Gemma L. said it best: "If you'll fall for that then I know a Nigerian Prince who wants to talk to you."
373 comments | Post a Comment
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and I used to like Sandra Lee..WTF!?! was she thinking that is just nasty. I'd trade her places and decorate that nasty cake any day *wink,wink*
- November 10, 2008 at 9:24 AM
- Craig said...
To be fair, pretty much any technique from Sandra Lee needs to be stopped.
Also, is it even possible to spend $400 or $500 on a cake at the grocery store? - November 10, 2008 at 9:25 AM
- Nicole said...
Oh my goodness. That is so tacky lookin!
- November 10, 2008 at 9:25 AM
- Emily said...
Ugh. She makes my eyes twitch.
- November 10, 2008 at 9:26 AM
- Angie McCullagh said...
Oh my. The WalMart smiley face would've been right at home on that cake.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com) - November 10, 2008 at 9:27 AM
- And she's off! said...
omg, that was so funny! The very idea that people all over the country are running out to "discount grocery stores" to stock up on supplies to breed more of these monsters is just way too frightening. Ick.
- November 10, 2008 at 9:27 AM
- alanna rose said...
Sandra Lee is her own special brand of wreck-fabulous. Have you seen the other cakes she's done? I think you may have a new category!! - November 10, 2008 at 9:28 AM
- Kate said...
That was horrible. I can't believe that was allowed to be aired.
- November 10, 2008 at 9:28 AM
- Boozy Tooth said...
LOL!! Did you see how Sandra Lee snatched that smiley face cookie right out of poor Mario's hand? Geez Louise, and then she says "this isn't a Wal-Mart commercial..." Could have fooled me. I usually like Sandra, but that cake is a disaster. Bleeech.
Alixandra Hice
http://casahice.blogspot.com - November 10, 2008 at 9:29 AM
- HorribleLicensePlates said...
I love how she thinks that the smiley face cookie is when the cake gets over the top. I think when I heard "fancy-dancy" I knew it was pretty much over.
- November 10, 2008 at 9:29 AM
- Deb said...
I dont think I could pay $3 for that. And poor Mario didnt even get to put his smiley face on it!
- November 10, 2008 at 9:29 AM
- The Courteous Chihuahua said...
I've had many a fantasy that involved Mario Lopez and frosting.
Sandra Lee must be stopped, put to sleep, deported...whatever! - November 10, 2008 at 9:29 AM
- Meri said...
Ummm, I am pretty sure I wouldn't even pay $40 for that cake! lol
What were they thinking?! - November 10, 2008 at 9:30 AM
- Karyn said...
Ew. Ew, ew, ew. I think I'd almost rather talk to the Nigerian Prince.
- November 10, 2008 at 9:30 AM
- Braeden said...
Oh, the horror! The horror!
How could the DO that?!? Much less advocate others doing it?!?
Plegh. - November 10, 2008 at 9:30 AM
- Kate said...
Holy EFF that is one UGLY cake!
- November 10, 2008 at 9:31 AM
- Mel said...
How Sandra Lee. Ugh.
It seems to me, though, that Mario Lopez in an apron would be better if he were also shirtless. - November 10, 2008 at 9:31 AM
- Little Missy Homemaker said...
Ayyy, I wish I had something funny to say about this one but this is seriously not funny! I like to watch Semi Homemade occasionally and I've always thought she made her sweets looks elegant or cute, fun, whatever. This is just horrible, seriously horrible. To compare that mess to a $500 professional cake is just wrong! Sheesh...
- November 10, 2008 at 9:31 AM
- Unknown said...
I've heard that Sandra Lee has an "excuses everything" poignant life-story, but this takes the cake and tosses it out the window. I DESPISE her show concept. I want to rack up Neilsen anti-points to get it off the air before something terrible hap... oh crud. Too late.
- November 10, 2008 at 9:32 AM
- Unknown said...
I want to sell cakes to her...I could really make a profit!
- November 10, 2008 at 9:33 AM
- Heidi Renée said...
Sandra Lee: "It looks fantastic!"
Um, no. And WHY, oh WHY, was Mario Lopez on her show?
*shaking head* - November 10, 2008 at 9:34 AM
- Zoe said...
"Its made with love!"
Oh. My. Gosh.
Are you suuuuuure?
Its the UGLIEST cake i've ever seen. I'd even prefer to eat that baby cake! - November 10, 2008 at 9:35 AM
she's just awful
- November 10, 2008 at 9:35 AM
- webbith said...
That's so wrong. So so SO wrong.
I guess the theory is okay, but the execution... oy. - November 10, 2008 at 9:36 AM
It could count as "techinically" professionally made. That is Sandra Lee, she does cooking for a living, and that includes cakes, right?
- November 10, 2008 at 9:38 AM
Oh the pain, the pain of it all! My friend is a cake decorator and would never, under any circumstances, sell a cake like this for $500, not even if she'd made the cakes from scratch. And the cookies from scratch.
Well, for all that, she'd never make a cake like this in the first place, much less sell it. - November 10, 2008 at 9:38 AM
- Word Ninja said...
This is like a lesson in over-kill! Things never to do with a cake also fits...$500? I wouldn't even pay $40 for that one!
- November 10, 2008 at 9:38 AM
- Steph said...
WOW. I think it may have ended up so horribly wrecked because she couldn't stop thinking about how a miniature Mario Lopez cookie may have looked jammed onto one of the cupcakes.
Let me know when the petition to end this alongside CCC's comes out! :) - November 10, 2008 at 9:39 AM
- tkangaroo said...
Wow. It is so awful, and yet I can't look away. I am stunned.
- November 10, 2008 at 9:40 AM
- beverly hudson green said...
I think having Sandra Lee do this on a TV show can be called "professional" enough to get by your rules. I really question her sanity if she thinks that is what $500 cakes look like. Still looks like a grocery store cake to me!
- November 10, 2008 at 9:41 AM
- Holly said...
If I have asked it once, I have asked it a thousand times, but... What the heck is Sandra Lee smoking...and where can I get some?
- November 10, 2008 at 9:41 AM
- sherrypg said...
Ha! I love "This isn't a WalMart commercial".
- November 10, 2008 at 9:41 AM
- Courtney said...
Really $500...really??? My 3 year old could do better than that and has lol. I have created some major wrecks in my attempts to get my business going but wow oh wow i have never attempted that right there. But yummy on Mario!!!
- November 10, 2008 at 9:42 AM
I love that the smiley face was too tacky for her!
- November 10, 2008 at 9:42 AM
- Unknown said...
That, my friends, is one UGLY cake.
- November 10, 2008 at 9:43 AM
holy hell. i've never seen anyone so proud of their wreck.
kill it with fire!! - November 10, 2008 at 9:43 AM
- Etiquette Bitch said...
oh-so-ugly indeed. yecch. it looks fairly crappy, and, honestly, i wouldn't want to be the host who then has to disassemble that mess and serve up 30 pieces.
and, jen, i adore you, but Mario Lopez *eye candy*? oh, no no no. - November 10, 2008 at 9:45 AM
- Rachel said...
Oh wow imagine my shock... Sandra Lee makes a cake wreck! *gasp*
Everything she makes is a big food wreck. I saw her make that awful cake on her Food network show. I also saw her 'teach' us all how to make a boxed mix cake. Thanks, S.L.! The detailed instructions on the back of the box were really throwing me off, glad you cleared it up!
But dude Slater is still totally hot. - November 10, 2008 at 9:45 AM
- Unknown said...
Wow...I'm speechless...
- November 10, 2008 at 9:46 AM
- seeree, phd said...
The beauty of Semi-Homemade is all the laughing it provides because it is SO bad.
- November 10, 2008 at 9:48 AM
- Alyssa said...
Wow - that is horrible!! Who in their right mind would pay $500 for a cake that looked like that??
- November 10, 2008 at 9:49 AM
I like the parting comment of "..it 's made with love" kind of reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer rebuilds Flanders house and calls it "the house that love built"
- November 10, 2008 at 9:51 AM
all i can picture in my head by the end of this video is the weekend update segment w/ amy poehler and seth meyers going on and on about the federal bailout; "really? are you serious? really?"
nobody does it like sandra lee. - November 10, 2008 at 9:58 AM
- Emily said...
I don't know what's more disturbing: the cake, or the fact that a large percentage of your blog followers watch "Extra."
- November 10, 2008 at 9:58 AM
- Arlynn said...
This is an amazing monstrosity - I can't believe this was aired on national TV.
I'll occasionally watch Sandra Lee on FN's "Semi-Homemade Cooking" but this is a real mess. I've actually seen her create halfway decent looking deserts on her show, but this is a whole new breed of disgusting...
And poor Mario, he doesn't know any better, he isn't the professional, TV chef.
At least they didn't try to do anything crazy with fondant :)
~ Arlynn
from FleurDe-licious.blogspot.com - November 10, 2008 at 10:00 AM
- Kevin said...
As my daughter said, "She took $40 worth of cake and turned it into $10 worth of CRAP!"
- November 10, 2008 at 10:02 AM
I'm a wedding planner and let me tell you if my client spent $500 on a cake that looked like THAT, I'd tell them to sue. It looks like my 8 month old made it -- she should be embarassed.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:03 AM
I don't know...I think my kids would absolutely adore this! And I am a fan of a well-placed sprinkle, myself. (The edible, sugar kind, that is.)
But I liked when she called Mario a big kid..."you've been a naughty boy. Birthday spanks, anyone?" - November 10, 2008 at 10:07 AM
- Smoochiefrog said...
And that right there is why I can't stand Sandra Lee. My God would someone please tell this woman to stay out of the kitchen?
- November 10, 2008 at 10:07 AM
Oh Sandra Lee... is there no food you can't wreck?
- November 10, 2008 at 10:09 AM
As scary as the whole wreck is, possibly the scariest thing is that she said she's done this cake for weddings. Did the brides cry?
- November 10, 2008 at 10:11 AM
- Aimee said...
Not that I'm in love with this cake, but $40?? I'm pretty sure I could get all the supplies and do it for $20.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:13 AM
- The Bookish Life said...
hahahaha. thank you for sharing this.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:14 AM
Oh. Oh my. Et tu, Mario????
- November 10, 2008 at 10:21 AM
My favorite line "We don't want the doggy to go POTTY on the cake"
Mmmmm. That is a nice visual. - November 10, 2008 at 10:22 AM
- Leslie said...
OK, I have to come clean. After watching that, I thought, that attempt wasn't very good, BUT the concept isn't so bad. I am not very good at decorating cakes. Not horrible, good enough for family, but I'm not about to offer my talents to the mass public (except for that castle cake I made, I think I did an awesome job!). But, if I took some time to plan the theme and such, a cake "technique" like that might be pretty cute. IMOHO, of course!
But I would never pay $500 for a cake like that. Heck, I'm not sure my wedding cake cost much more than that! I'm not even sure if I've paid $40 for a birthday cake from the grocery store! Maybe I'm just cheap and need to get out more. - November 10, 2008 at 10:22 AM
- Lesley said...
Oh my...#1: is she drunk? #2: why is this on tv? why is she trying to spread the word of making cheap cakes uglier? and #3: why would WANT to take credit for something that looks like this?? very strange indeed!
- November 10, 2008 at 10:22 AM
Well, I actually like some of the recipes Sandra Lee puts together...but she needs to stay away from cakes...or course she had some help in destroying that cake...wonder what it would have looked like if she did it by herself...oh well! I think she should stick to dinner recipes and stay away from cakes...oh and her "table scapes"--yuck!
- November 10, 2008 at 10:23 AM
- Rufus Opus said...
Oh man, I am ashamed. Embarrassed. Dude. I totally thought it was a cool idea. Except for the dog. And the ladybug.
And the icing. Maybe if it was green trimmed instead of blue? I don't know. Maybe I'm... oh no. Maybe I'm... tacky. - November 10, 2008 at 10:23 AM
- Unknown said...
Apparently Slater has his own show now called "Extra"...who knew?...and Sandra Lee was the guest. From the Extra Website it looks like she is a regular guest--so now she is sharing her "creations" on 2 networks.
Actually, I like to watch Sandra Lee's show, but mostly because I like her decorating (home NOT cake). I like to see how she coordinates her kitchen with her cooking. :) - November 10, 2008 at 10:24 AM
That's craptacular.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:25 AM
Ugh. I have a hard time just getting icing smooth sometimes, but that's just wrong. I also have difficulty seeing a circle on a rectangle like that as good to begin with. Not to mention the cupcakes sproutig fro the bottom layer...
- November 10, 2008 at 10:26 AM
- Amy said...
omg wtf?! i can't stand sandra lee and that cake looks like a bakery threw up. and the sprinkles at the end just made it worse
check out the cake i just made for my 1year olds birthday on my blog - November 10, 2008 at 10:26 AM
- Lina said...
lol that is one fugly cake! why is she still allowed to show us her evil ways???
- November 10, 2008 at 10:26 AM
- Danielle said...
I just don't know which was more nauseating...the final product (which was completely nauseating) or her throwing herself at Mario Lopez i.e. "You are a messy little boy!"
- November 10, 2008 at 10:29 AM
- Renee said...
oh, that was horrible! i would be so embarrassed to "make" something like that. and forget about getting one of those.... i'd ask for new parents.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:29 AM
- Ashley said...
What frightens me is the idea that there are probably masses of people out there who saw this and thought, "Oh my gosh! What a FABULOUS idea! I'll go get the two cakes RIGHT NOW!"
It's just comforting to know that the poor five year old whose cake massacre this will be will someday be showing birthday photos to their fiancee and saying "Yeah, I know, my mom has this thing for cupcake cakes, so I was just glad to have an actual CAKE under the cupcakes." - November 10, 2008 at 10:30 AM
I love that Mario couldn't even say "$500" at the end- he just stuck with "priceless". Kudos, Mario. Tell the truth.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:31 AM
- Hi Kooky said...
Mr. Lopez, please step away from the cake. NOW!!
- November 10, 2008 at 10:33 AM
- Dass sedan said...
That cake sure is 'priceless'.
Were they being serious??!! - November 10, 2008 at 10:34 AM
- Kris said...
Yeah, I've seen her make that exact same cake as a wedding cake on her show.
*shudder* - November 10, 2008 at 10:37 AM
- Kitty said...
I would have rather they put NOTHING on that cake!! OMG how ugly does that turn out!? *puts face in hands* and they were serious which makes it even more scary....
- November 10, 2008 at 10:37 AM
- JordanBaker said...
I'm choosing to believe that AC Slater was in on the joke; knew how horrid that cake couldn't help but be; and suggested the smiley face just to goad awful, awful Aunt Sandy.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:38 AM
- CakeEater said...
"This isn't a Wal-mart commercial." --Well, at least she draws the Wreck-fabulous line somewhere albeit a little late!
- November 10, 2008 at 10:39 AM
Anything Sandra Lee does MUST BE STOPPED. This was tacky and condescending. At least she didn't say "tablescape"
- November 10, 2008 at 10:39 AM
In WHAT universe does that cake look like it was made by a professional? It looks like it was made by kids!
And grocery store cakes taste bad to begin with. This was a wreck from the beginning. ugh. - November 10, 2008 at 10:42 AM
- Melinda said...
WoW!! I could not believe that she told that dog cookie not to go potty on the cake!! Seriously?!!
I hope she was lying when she said she has done those cakes for weddings!
Man! I guess I better raise my prices on my cakes! - November 10, 2008 at 10:42 AM
The cookies, in theory, could be ok. But the cupcakes? If they were iced and piped and stuck on the way the round cake is, it might be borderline ok. But as it is... are those... is that... did she LEAVE THE PAPER on them before STICKING THEM ON ANOTHER CAKE? I'm not even gonna say it. I'll just observe that of all the ways cupcakes should not be served with paper on, this is the worst yet.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:43 AM
- Mon said...
How drunk does one have to be to believe THAT could be mistaken for a $400 cake?
I'm Australian - so this is first I've heard of this Sandra Lee woman, so I did a bit of googling - and it looks like any cake she's made has the right to end up here! She's insane! - November 10, 2008 at 10:43 AM
On a positive note, I'm really liking the cookie-on-the-cupcake idea. Maybe we could promote this instead of the cup of frosting technique that's been in effect for much too long.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:43 AM
- waxwing said...
When Cake Wrecks is funny, I love it. When it's just plain mean, it's a little sad. That's far from the ugliest cake ever, and for some people it's probably a great option. Stick to the pro cakes, please! The interaction you'd get from doing it with a child, especially if you had no skills, would indeed be "priceless".
Waxwing - November 10, 2008 at 10:43 AM
- Kameron said...
I'm so sad. The picture won't show up for me. I'll just have to imagine. {sigh}
- November 10, 2008 at 10:46 AM
Now that the cake's finished, isn't it cocktail time?
- November 10, 2008 at 10:46 AM
- Unknown said...
'Twas a nice cake 'till they added those darn cupcakes.
~Amy B - November 10, 2008 at 10:48 AM
- Emily E. said...
I love how Mario didn't dare to say the cake was worth $500 like Sandra tries to claim. It sure is
"priceless"- no one would dare pay money for that.
And did my ears decieve me- does she claim to have made cakes like that for weddings????? The poor bride and groom. :( - November 10, 2008 at 10:50 AM
- April said...
Aw, it's made with love. And crazy.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:51 AM
- ilovebabyquilts said...
Wow, that is horrifying. And I agree with etiquettebitch, eye candy? I don't think so. Mario is the single most annoying (and anti-cute) man on tv for me.
I've never liked the concept of 'semi-homemade'. Either buy it, or take the time to make it! Semi homemade makes me feel sullied somehow. - November 10, 2008 at 10:52 AM
- Corinne said...
This wasn't semi homemade. It's not even a semi cake. The only "semi" that should be involved is a semi running over.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:52 AM
The awesome thing is that it's only going to be MORE of a wreck in a few hours. When you just take one soft, spongy grocery-store cake and "plop it right on top" of another with no structural support(no, a cake board by itself will not prevent collapse), guess what?
In a couple of hours you're going to have a cake with bulging sides, a lumpy top and a giant crater where that round cake is sitting... and those cupcakes, tacky cookies and cereal 'sprinkles' will STILL BE THERE to add to the mess.
I too have seen her use this 'technique' on Food Network. This woman must be stopped! - November 10, 2008 at 10:53 AM
- iz said...
At first I thought she said "This is 40-dollar cake and we're going to make it look like a 5-dollar cake!".
I thought she was doing a good job of it, until I read the comments and went back to the beginnig to hear it again! a $500 cake?? WTF? - November 10, 2008 at 10:54 AM
- Deborah Godin said...
I see someone else also thinks that Mario in his apron sans shirt would have been better - oh yeah. As for the cake, I wouldn't want it if someone paid ME the $500 - gak!
- November 10, 2008 at 10:54 AM
The thing I hate most about Sandra Lee is how she instructs like her viewers are in kindergarten. She makes the easiest things, like lipton onion soup mix dip and packaged pudding. But she talks down to us like we won't get it unless she talks slowly. Her show is the biggest disappointment from the Food Network. Also, has anyone caught the end of her show? She features a cocktail in ever show, I think she is a big lush. It would explain this cake, thats for sure.
This cake is ridiculous. Made with love? I would never serve that to anyone I love. I guess this is the cake for the raging alcoholic who spent the afternoon boozing and needs to look like she still has it together before the kids' party begins. - November 10, 2008 at 10:55 AM
- Angela said...
Not $500. More like two $10 cakes stuck together with cupcakes, cookies and sprinkles scattered about. I'm sure it tastes about as good as it looks. Yuck!
- November 10, 2008 at 10:55 AM
- Landry said...
It's like a car accident on the highway: So terrible and devastating, but you can't look away.
- November 10, 2008 at 10:55 AM
- Dea said...
Not to mention - who that "has so little time" can get the basic icing for the first 2 layers can get them to even remotely look like that? And $500? WTF is she smoking?? Seriously - for $40 I could go to the little bakery down the street, and have a REALLY tasty cake, done nicely, that would feed 15 people....she's spent too much time either on Mars, or in Hollywood....
I think Mario was like, this is so tacky, let's just go ALL the way, let's jump in with both feet and go hog wild with the tacky! LOL! - November 10, 2008 at 10:56 AM
- Hyperbole Girl said...
Holyyy cowwww. That cake is so ugly! Exactly how does that look anything like an expensive or professionally done cake? Very tacky.
I agree with her that it would be a fun project to do with kids. Her cake LOOKS like it was made by children. - November 10, 2008 at 10:59 AM
1) Drawing the line at the smiley face = awesome.
2) Renaming sprinkles "embellishments" *really* classes it up. - November 10, 2008 at 11:03 AM
"It's made with love."
That is some ugly love, Sandra Lee.
Rachel - November 10, 2008 at 11:04 AM
- *~*Lis*~* said...
While it looks like fun for my 2 year old I don't think I'd pay $500 for it! On second thought I don't think I'd pay $5 for it!
- November 10, 2008 at 11:13 AM
I am so disappointed. After reading the title for today's post I thought we were going to witness the actual wrecking a.k.a. smashing/destroying/demolishing of a cake. Wait, I got it...can we witness the destruction of the cake you featured? That would be fun! And literally wrecktastic!!
-Tanzie - November 10, 2008 at 11:20 AM
- Susanna said...
Sandra Lee is sort of technically a professional, since she does get paid to show people how to make hideous, ridiculous cakes on her TV show.
Have you seen her infamous Kwanzaa cake? Now there's a wreck! - November 10, 2008 at 11:20 AM
- Heather said...
Oh Sandra, Sandra, Sandra.... *shakes head*.
Although, I do think kids (girls mostly) would have fun doing that. But I wouldn't start with a $40 cake.... - November 10, 2008 at 11:20 AM
- curlykew said...
And the fourth reason it had to be shared - it's Sandra Lee! The Queen of Cake Wreck Hell.
- November 10, 2008 at 11:22 AM
- The Fabulous Ms. Beth said...
priceless in deed.. :)
- November 10, 2008 at 11:25 AM
- Doody Mac said...
It's Sandra Lee... need we say anymore? Very fitting that she's on a site dedicated to "wrecks." Hahaha!
- November 10, 2008 at 11:29 AM
- kcunning said...
Love = not bothering to cook, icing, spend money, or spend time.
I do not want your love, sister.
I'm not watching that video again, but did she say she's made this cake for weddings? - November 10, 2008 at 11:30 AM
- Kat said...
Doesn't she know the grocery store stocks ready made flowers and other fun already made icing decorations that would look way better then those cookies?
The cupcakes....I'm still speechless on that one. - November 10, 2008 at 11:31 AM
- LeMira said...
Priceless?! Of course, because no one would buy it!
- November 10, 2008 at 11:36 AM
Wow. It's hard for me to believe they actually aired that. But then again Mario Lopez was nice and distracting (but still not enough for that monster!)
- November 10, 2008 at 11:41 AM
- Denise said...
That TOTALLY looks like a $500 cake now!..........
Bwahahahahah! Even I can't say it with a straight face. - November 10, 2008 at 11:42 AM
- joyce said...
Oh, goodie. Now that there is a video, I can submit it to Brietbart TV !! Whoo-who ! Thanks, Joyce from Texas
- November 10, 2008 at 11:43 AM
That is butt ugly! Are they serious, they HAVE to know that's tacky, right?!
- November 10, 2008 at 11:43 AM
- Rana said...
Semi-Homemade (or "Semi-Ho") is one of those trainwreck shows you watch peeking out between your fingers, and feeling faintly dirty afterwards.
So I'm not at all surprised at this cake - it's perfect for the show. I think the basic concept works... but then she kept going. It's like her "tablescapes" - why stop at some nice plates and glasses when you can add flowers AND candles AND glass beads AND fruit AND ribbons AND....
A lot of her stuff also involves far more work and money than making it from scratch would. - November 10, 2008 at 11:44 AM
- Cirrus said...
I can't stand Sandra Lee as it is....and ewww. Just plain ewwww. Even with Mario in an apron, still ewwwww.
- November 10, 2008 at 11:46 AM
- Kerry said...
Oh, what do you expect from Sandra Lee? Everything she does is f'ing ridiculous.
- November 10, 2008 at 11:46 AM
- Etiquette Bitch said...
"Not that I'm in love with this cake, but $40?? I'm pretty sure I could get all the supplies and do it for $20."
...I agree. I sense a name-that-tune-esque challenge coming up -- I'd like to see fellow wreckporters re-create this disaster, and who can do it the cheapest? "I can wreck that cake in $20..." "I can wreck that cake in $15...." etc. "Wreck that cake!" - November 10, 2008 at 11:47 AM
- Trevor said...
Someone posted this on another site recently, and I was appalled I've always hated Sandra Lee, and now I have even more reason to do so. Hell, I"M more deserving a show on Food Network than she is.
- November 10, 2008 at 11:51 AM
Did anyone else see that Christmas special Sandra Lee did a while back where she did the dipsomaniac's Christmas tree entirely decorated in barware with the giant martini glass full of Tidy-Bowl blue cocktail?
I think she's been drinking the tree topper again. - November 10, 2008 at 11:52 AM
- Kat Mortensen said...
I amazed she actually did that bit with a straight face. She must be on some serious antidepressants to think anyone would be "lucky" to have that cake. Mario - give this to your girlfriend and mark my words, she won't be for very long.
I'm hoping he and his lady got "busy" in the kitchen and didn't bother to move the cake.
Kat - November 10, 2008 at 11:54 AM
- sues2u2 said...
So I'll agree w/ the priceless part. Who'd want to have a cake that is so bad as to be "priceless"?!
- November 10, 2008 at 11:54 AM
- Cindy said...
Funny thing is, it uses some of the ideas of the Strawberry Shortcake cake in yesterday's Sunday Sweets entry... and yet, the Strawberry cake is about 1000 times cuter. Perhaps it comes from knowing that less is more?
For a kids' party, I could see letting the birthday girl or boy do something similar... but just one cake, no extraneous cupcakes, and a small number of cookies (and perhaps sprinkles) that actually look like they belong together, y'know? That could be cute. This is not cute. - November 10, 2008 at 11:56 AM
- Unknown said...
To be fair, at the end of the video she said that this particular cake would be 90 dollars in the grocery store, not 500. The 500 dollars was just to point out that you could spend that much on a cake... even if it wasn't really relevant to the cake she was "making."
Although 90 dollars would still be outrageous for this cake - I wouldn't compare it to saving money like she's doing.. it would be better to only emphasize it as being fun for kids. - November 10, 2008 at 11:57 AM
- Esther said...
I CAN'T STAND Sandra Lee. Homemade is usually much cheaper, and easier, and more nutricious! Seriously, how much is a cake mix. 88 cents? Really. Somebody stop her!
- November 10, 2008 at 11:59 AM
Hurrrrrl. If someone gave me that cake, I'd either cry, or smash it violently, depending on my mood. Possibly both, actually.
- November 10, 2008 at 12:01 PM
That was hideous! $500 where. I'm moving there and dh can be the stay at home parent. wow!
- November 10, 2008 at 12:02 PM
- Grandma J said...
Who in their right mind would pay $40 for that cake, let alone $400?
Did she say she does this for wedding cakes??? If you're going to spend the money to buy all that crap to decorate your own cake...STOP and let a professional do the cake for you. - November 10, 2008 at 12:04 PM
- Nancy D. said...
I don't think we paid $500 for our wedding cake. So no. I wouldn't pay $500 for that cake. Or any other cake that didn't have to feed 500 guests.
But for something HOMEMADE? That is fun for the kids to make and YEA... it's made with love?
It's fine.
It isn't something that is being sold to others. It's something you do for your kid's birthday party or something. You have to have a bunch of cake and you get two plain cakes and ELIMINATE the possibility of a wreck and it's more than just the frosting flowers and "Happy Birthday" type cake.
My family would love it. My teens would enjoy the making.
And I'll just have a cookie, thanks. - November 10, 2008 at 12:04 PM
- The Barnes Crew said...
Sandra Lee is a wreck in and of itself...most of the stuff she comes up with is out of control and in your words "wrecktastic"!!
- November 10, 2008 at 12:05 PM
Enough has been said about the wrecktastic looks of this monstrosity. Can we please move on to the taste? Those cookies are nasty and inedible and as hard as a goat's knee...if you served that cake at a kid's birthday party, they'd be flinging those cookies like Chinese stars. You could put an eye out with those things.
- November 10, 2008 at 12:06 PM
YES!! Add more to the anti-SL team! One of the best of her wrecks is her "Kwanzaa Celebration Cake." I would say it epitomizes all that Ms. Lee is. I was "lucky" enough to catch that episode - I had a visceral reaction of disbelief. I can't seem to find it on the FN site now...(wonder why) but here's another who can give you a pretty good account of the disaster:
and as previously posted, semi-homemade shouldn't be 90% store-bought and 100% slopped together.
-bg - November 10, 2008 at 12:08 PM
- cewaye said...
Can I just point out that by the time you pay for a sheet cake, a round cake, sprinkles, cupcakes, and professionally decorated cookies...you could buy a NICELY decorated bakery cake for the same price if not less. She's so clueless...she should stick with making cocktails. And quit drinking them before trying to come up with cake decorating ideas...
- November 10, 2008 at 12:08 PM
- thephrog said...
All I can say after watching that is Oh. My. God. (!!)
I think the idea was good, the execution - not so much. A cake like that, the rectangle and round only, with fresh flowers on it might be nice. Maybe a figurine on top or something. I think that's the best you could get out of it, though. Anyone wanna prove me wrong? lol - November 10, 2008 at 12:12 PM
- HuianaSukari said...
I don't hate it, its what I have planned for my sons 8th birthday. Granted, I figured he and his friends would decorate it, and it would likely look like that.
- November 10, 2008 at 12:13 PM
- The Chubby One said...
The worst part for me was that the first cupcake on the left (my left their right) never got a flower cookie. It bugged me the whole time and I barely had time to be disturbed by the sprinkles because I kept waiting for the last flower cookie!
- November 10, 2008 at 12:14 PM
I love Sandra Lee...but that is the worst cake ever. A great idea if you're going to let your kids decorate it (something for the guests to do at the party maybe?) But never would I make that cake and take credit for it...
- November 10, 2008 at 12:16 PM
I already disliked Sandra Lee - She always finds time to make an elaborate cocktail and 'tablescape', but then throws together meals similar to this cake - Ok, take a rotisserie chicken, cut it up, put it on a pre-made salad. That's an ok meal, but that -isn't- cooking. Sheesh.
- November 10, 2008 at 12:22 PM
- Ryan Owens said...
I always knew Sandra Lee was the anti-christ...
- November 10, 2008 at 12:24 PM
- Jules Someone said...
That was just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
- November 10, 2008 at 12:28 PM
- Marissa said...
Talk about a tacky cake!
- November 10, 2008 at 12:31 PM
- RooManda said...
What the crap?
She made a $10 cake look like a candy factory war, and it made my teeth hurt! How sad for the birthday girl! - November 10, 2008 at 12:40 PM
Wow! I may have nightmares.
- November 10, 2008 at 12:45 PM
- Robin said...
I... I just...
There are no words for how awful that is.
I haven't been able to stand Sandra Lee ever since I saw her claim that putting frozen berries inside a pre-made pie crust with a cookie cutter "lattice top" (not strips of dough, packaged crust that she stamped with a plastic thing) was in any way "homemade".
I may have an unhealthy loathing for packaged pie crust.
But this "beautiful" cake? No.
::twitch:: - November 10, 2008 at 12:59 PM
- MaryO said...
This is the FIRST time I've felt sorry for the CAKE !!!!!!!!!
- November 10, 2008 at 1:02 PM
Never knew who she was until today, never heard of her and probably will never watch her so I can't say I 'hate' her as so many here seem to do. But the concept is skewed, if it's to save time. Driving to the store and buying the cakes alone - by then I could have made even from-scratch cake at home. Never mind what the cake supports & cookies cost.
But were those...Fruity Pebbles...they sprinkled on the cake....? - November 10, 2008 at 1:03 PM
- The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...
Mario Lopez is like the stale candy corn of eye candy. Only a few people will admit to actually eating it. Oh, snap.
- November 10, 2008 at 1:04 PM
Grocery store cakes being tasty? FAIL.
Grocery store iced cookies? FAIL.
Put them together, DOUBLE FAIL. - November 10, 2008 at 1:20 PM
- Only Obsessed said...
If that is the future of cake decorating...heavens help us.
- November 10, 2008 at 1:21 PM
- Femaleclaws said...
I think the cake UNdecorated looked better. Sticking tacky cookies (I believe I saw green flowers. wth.) on anything isn't going to make it look fabulous.
- November 10, 2008 at 1:22 PM
Oh my god...
That was the worst semi-homemade creation I've ever seen - November 10, 2008 at 1:24 PM
"It's made with love."
Er, no. It's made with awful, crappy plastic-looking edibles.
If anyone wants to copy this cake, I suggest you take your money and spend it on anti-depressants instead -- you know, something that will alter your mood so you won't be completely hyperactive about a pathetic cake. - November 10, 2008 at 1:26 PM
- Missie said...
OMG this is by far one of the most ugly monstrosities to ever hit cake wrecks, not to mention it was aired on National TV? Do they not screen the content before airing these shows? Mario or no Mario, you can't make this cake look any better than the mess it is. An the "embellishments"?! YIKES.
- November 10, 2008 at 1:26 PM
OK..This is something I might have my Girl Scout Daisies do for themselves, but to serve it to guests...I'd rather serve one of my sloppy looking homemade wrecks. At least it would taste better then discount store cake and those icky frosted cookies.
- November 10, 2008 at 1:27 PM
- Colleen said...
This is so disturbing for so many reasons. Thanks for making me smile and convulse in the same post...
- November 10, 2008 at 1:30 PM
- hamburke said...
okay, my kids would LOVE that cake and have so much fun making it but there's no way that I would ever spend $500 on it (heck, I wouldn't spend $50 on it). I only spent $350 on my {very yummy} 3 tier wedding cake that was personalized and delivered and I thought that was extravagant.
- November 10, 2008 at 1:34 PM
- Jessim said...
Which technique needs to go away- the stacking cupcakes onto cakes, or the using cookies to decorate cakes? Because the cake in the Sunday post as a "good" example- used cookies to decorate it (though it was truly "good" while this was a wreck, without a doubt)
As for professional- Sandra Lee bills herself as one, though not a professional baker- but it's most definetly not a "made at home" cake- so I don't think you are breaking your own rules at all - November 10, 2008 at 1:35 PM
- email@example.com said...
Wha???? I am almost as confused as Mario looked. Poor guy. Can you imagine having to endorse an idea like that?
Either buy a cake or make your own. Do not buy cheap cakes and then take the time to make a huge mess of them and then? When you're done? Have an ugly cake wreck to show for it.
Oy. - November 10, 2008 at 1:41 PM
That's craptastic.
Can't stand Sandra Lee! If THAT looks like a $500 cake, I need to go into the cake biz. - November 10, 2008 at 1:42 PM
- Threeundertwo said...
I love this site, not only for the horrors on display, but for the witty commenters.
Totally entertaining. - November 10, 2008 at 1:46 PM
- Tabitha said...
The bf and I played Guess The Drug. We're betting on Xanax or some other prescription blackjack. And seriously, she didn't want to shill for Walmart, but didn't mind paraphrasing a Mastercard advert? Yecch.
- November 10, 2008 at 1:51 PM
@yellemama - Glad I wasn't the only one that was creeped out by her obvious attempts at flirtation.
And she should've let the poor guy put that smiley face cookie on there! It think it may have improved on things. - November 10, 2008 at 1:52 PM
That as a wedding cake?! You've got to be kidding me.
- November 10, 2008 at 1:54 PM
- hamburke said...
okay, I've never heard of Sandra Lee before so this was new. I have to admit that *I* do 80% of my meals "semi-homemade" (parties are closer to 100%) but that's just me doing it. If I knew I could make money out of it, I would have pitched it to Food Network 7 years ago when I quit my job to stay at home with my daughter (today is actually the anniversary of my first jobless day - my daughter was born Monday, Nov 12, 2001 and my last day was Nov 9 - so this is timely).
- November 10, 2008 at 1:59 PM
- Knitty said...
While I don't find the cake at all attractive, I don't understand the hateful remarks about Sandra Lee. If you don't like her, don't watch her show. For people who have no idea how to put a meal together, and there are plenty today who eat predominantly from drive through fast food or pizza delivery, she shows them a way of putting meals together that aren't intimidating.
I'd love to know how many of the holier-than-thou foodies on some of the food forums really cook from scratch and how many only turn up the heat on their hateful posts. - November 10, 2008 at 1:59 PM
- alicia said...
lol @ the sandra lee cake wreck category!
- November 10, 2008 at 2:04 PM
- Ms. Findlay-Lampkin said...
Klassy! No, this isn't a Wal-Mart ad...Wal-Mart is too high-end for that monstrosity.
- November 10, 2008 at 2:07 PM
- Nicole said...
That cake does NOT look fantastic.. and I would not even pay $40 for it!! What are they thinking?!?
But Mario Lopez IS great eye candy.. - November 10, 2008 at 2:09 PM
Oh, God...that was just painful to watch, all around. And I wouldn't spend a cent on that cake, let alone the $40 that Sandra thinks necessary to make it.
- November 10, 2008 at 2:09 PM
I don't know if anyone has said this already (there are too many comments to read), but if you type &rel=0 twice in the embed code (after the number 1, before the quotation marks) from YouTube videos, those thumbnails won't come up. Just an FYI. You can look it up on YouTube help if you want.
- November 10, 2008 at 2:13 PM
Because of course, the SMILEY FACE would have wrecked it.
- November 10, 2008 at 2:20 PM
Okay, really?? Meep.
Admittedly, the Sunday Sweets from this week does feature cookies on a cake, but they look CLASSY. - November 10, 2008 at 2:26 PM
- Talia Davis said...
Okay A#1 - Mario Lopez is not a busy mom
B#2 - He is HOT eye candy.
C#3 - Mario will NEVER be making a cake for me or any party I am throwing (but he can show up in an apron... only an apron...)
and finally
D#4 - EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! That is the tackiest, ugliest cake. I would rather have the x-rated mom birthing a body-less baby cake... At least people wouldn't think you were uber tacky, just an exhibitionist.
Cake Wrecks makes my day compelete - November 10, 2008 at 2:34 PM
- Peachy said...
I feel dumber
- November 10, 2008 at 2:38 PM
- Scritzy said...
It looks like the sprinkle fairy threw up on it. Yikes.
- November 10, 2008 at 2:52 PM
- Jolly Johnstons said...
Mmm, tackylicious.
- November 10, 2008 at 2:56 PM
- heartafire said...
Scary scary scary....
Especially hooted at her comment to the little cookie dog: "Now, don't you go potty on my cake."
I don't see how she could have stopped him. - November 10, 2008 at 2:57 PM
that has to be one of the ugliest cakes ever
- November 10, 2008 at 2:58 PM
I wonder - do you give out "worst cake" awards? This one would be the very worst I've ever ever seen.
- November 10, 2008 at 2:59 PM
That was pretty painful to watch....
I need to go flush my eyes now, I think. - November 10, 2008 at 3:06 PM
- Amy said...
Ok that cake has to be the ugliest thing I have seen in a long time. I do think it could be turned in to a fun idea for a kids party. But not just plopping a round cake in the middle of a sheet cake. I am thinking like my girls make their own cake so the wreck would be kid-made and fun. Not a grownup with no taste disaster.
- November 10, 2008 at 3:15 PM
As soon as I saw the still I knew it was Sandra Lee of Semi-Ho infamy. I don't understand how this is cheap in anything but concept: two store-bought cakes, a bunch of store-bought cupcakes and a case of store-bought cookies? That adds up.
And would you believe she's made several incarnations of this travesty--including one she tried to pass off as a wedding cake?! That's classy with a capital K. - November 10, 2008 at 3:16 PM
- Ros said...
Semi-Homemade is the reason I left America.
Kind of. - November 10, 2008 at 3:37 PM
- Tara MacDonald said...
If I spent $500 and the cake ended up looking like that, i'd be PISSED! My beautiful 4-tiered wedding cake was delicious and came from a reputable baker and I didn't even spend $250 on it. This woman must be on meds...
- November 10, 2008 at 3:43 PM
- Chandler said...
semi-homemade! simply horrid
- November 10, 2008 at 3:47 PM
Okay, if you're making this for your 5-year old's birthday, then fine. This could be a good option.
However, to compare this to a $500 professionally made cake is just wrong.
I absolutely LOVE though how she goes on about how you can buy the cakes/cupcakes at a discount supermarket and then tells Mario when he picks up the smiley face cookie that "this isn't a Wal-Mart commercial."
And please...the smiley-face cookie is where you draw the line? Before bringing out the huge plate of multi-colored sprinkles? - November 10, 2008 at 3:52 PM
Poor Sandra was drunk-again. Mario knew it wasn't worth $500, too. He kept saying "priceless". LOL He knew that cake was a burning hot MESS!
- November 10, 2008 at 3:57 PM
HILARIOUS!! If you thought this sandra lee wreck was the worst, three words:
Kwanzaa Celebration Cake.
Imagine: angel food cake + taupe brown icing + *apple pie filling!!* in the center (wait, there's more) + corn nuts(yes, corn nuts!) + pumpkin seeds (yes, angel food cake, corn nuts, *and* pumpkin seeds!) + finally, HUGE taper candles. No, not normal sized candles that would fit in or on a cake, but HUGE candles that need real candlestick holders to stand up for safety sake!
Google for pics!
Minnie - November 10, 2008 at 3:59 PM
- November 10, 2008 at 4:05 PM
- Alexis AKA MOM said...
Oh Sandra Lee you are so letting me down! You do these beautiful tablescapes and make dinners so fast and easy. Plus your from WA state so I totally loved you. But today is the day that I think we must part ways, this is just too much for me to handle. I'm sorry Sandra today you get a Dear Jane letter :).
- November 10, 2008 at 4:16 PM
If I made that cake, I don't think I'd "take the credit". I'd let everyone think my 3 year old did it because it looks like it was done by a preschooler.
- November 10, 2008 at 4:17 PM
- rhymeswithcori said...
This lends to the theory that Sandra Lee is an alcoholic.
That, and how her eyes light up like it's Christmas morning when she says that it's "cocktail time!" - November 10, 2008 at 4:19 PM
- Donna M. said...
OMW, she said she does this for weddings?
As my pastor says...."Hyelp us!" (yes, include the 'y' in pronouncing help) - November 10, 2008 at 4:22 PM
I love how she's trying to do her best to stick to a "theme" cake and is sort of rolling with the first couple of "garden" choices, and he's all "a dog! a smiley-face!"
- November 10, 2008 at 4:23 PM
- Nadia Guillemette said...
I love your blog. This is the iceing on the cake. Help that there a nice guy next to her.
Keep up the great work
Nadia - November 10, 2008 at 4:31 PM
- cakedarla said...
Technique? Travesty, more like.
- November 10, 2008 at 4:33 PM
That really was "priceless."
- November 10, 2008 at 4:47 PM
- Brandi said...
Alarming yes, but I feel bad to see everyone dissing Sandra Lee. I don't like her show, I find it pretty boring, but if you ever watch her biography that they played on Food Network, she is a very inspiring person. I have the utmost respect for her because she has worked hard to literally come from nothing in life to make herself a well known personality. So, while I think that is horrible, and definitely a self made wreck, don't diss Sandra Lee.. she appeals to a certain demographic and she's worked hard to have the success she has. :(
It's okay, I still like you Sandra Lee! - November 10, 2008 at 5:00 PM
- lawnajo said...
It looks to me like the icing on the cupcakes is a different color than the icing on the other cakes.
This was hilarious, thanks! - November 10, 2008 at 5:08 PM
that's supposed to end up like a $500 cake? they have low standards where she's from then, because that weird little "trick" made the cake looker cheaper than it did starting out.
- November 10, 2008 at 5:13 PM
- Asia P. said...
Oh my god.
Does she really have her own show on the Food Network still?!
This is horrendous, to say the least.
If I had to pay "$500" for THAT I think I'd go into conniptions.
No thank you, Sandra Lee, I can ask my four year old nephew to make that for me. - November 10, 2008 at 5:33 PM
As Kitty & FemaleClaws said--that cake looked a whole lot better before anything was put on it. While I was watching the video, I saw the stacked cakes and thought "well that's an interesting idea". Then I saw the cupcakes and cookies and knew it was all over.
- November 10, 2008 at 5:55 PM
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We've all heard that eating fish is good for us. Regularly eating fish has been linked to a host of health benefits – for our hearts, our eyes, and our brains.
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Oily fish like salmon, trout and herring are, of course, a good source of omega-3 fatty acids, which are essential to numerous bodily functions. Researchers at Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Washington wanted to know how eating fish high in omega-3s affected health. So over the course of 16 years, they monitored a group of almost 2,700 healthy adults aged 65 years or older.
But unlike most studies that have looked at the question, the researchers didn't want to rely on study subjects to accurately recall what they ate, so they measured blood levels of omega-3s instead. And since they were interested in dietary intake only, they excluded participants who took fish oil supplements.
After controlling for factors like age, sex and lifestyle, the researchers found that, on average, adults with the highest blood levels of omega-3 fatty acids lived 2.2 years longer. In particular, these adults had a 35 percent lower risk of dying from cardiovascular disease – which is in line with other studies that have tied omega-3s to cardiovascular benefits.
Higher levels of fatty acids were most strongly associated with decreased risk of coronary heart disease and stroke.
"Omega-3 fatty acids are very unique in that, at very small levels in the diet, they have pretty powerful effects on a range of body functions," says Dr. Dariush Mozaffarian, lead author of the study.
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Omega-3s can stabilize the function of heart cells, says Mozaffarian. They can also alter the way that cells interact with each other and even affect gene function.
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However, consuming more than two servings of fish per week doesn't appear to increase blood levels of omega-3s much further. This means that, as long as you eat fish regularly, it's probably unnecessary to take additional fish oil supplements, says Mozaffarian.
Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.


text:
The Washington Post's Comic Riffs blog says it's "perhaps the company's most enticing Doodle yet."
Google is honoring the inventor of the modern zipper today with — what else? — a zipper running down the middle of its homepage. You can drag it up and down. When it finishes opening, it reveals a selection of links about the zipper and its inventor, Swedish-American Gideon Sundback. He was born 132 years ago today.
"Before Sundback's intervention, the idea for a fastener based on interlocking teeth had circulated among engineers for more than 20 years but no one had perfected it. His innovation was to place a dimple on the underside of each tooth and a nib on the top that would sit securely within the dimple of the tooth above it.
"As a result, the join between two rows of teeth was then strong because no single tooth has enough room to move up or down and come apart. He also created the manufacturing machine for the new zipper."
IBN Live explains in more detail how Sundback's innovation worked.
Videos are already showing up that have some fun with Google's latest doodle.
As for whether it's the "most enticing" one so far, we have to profess a fondness for last year's Les Paul tribute.
Copyright 2021 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.


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Mr. Chairman, I make a point of order that the language on page 107, lines 11 through 17, is not in order because it violates clause 2 of rule XXI of the House rules which prohibits legislation on an appropriations bill.
The CHAIRMAN. Does the gentleman from Arizona (Mr. KOLBE) wish to be heard on the point of order?
Mr. KOLBE. No, Mr. Chairman.
The CHAIRMAN. The Chair finds that this provision directly amends existing law. The provision therefore constitutes legislation in violation of clause 2 of rule XXI. The point of order is sustained, and section 577 is stricken from the bill. The Clerk will read.
The Clerk read as follows: WAR CRIMINALS SEC. 578. (a) None of the funds appropriated or otherwise made available pursuant to this Act may be made available for assistance, with the exception of humanitarian assistance and assistance for democratization, to any country, entity or municipality whose competent authorities have failed, as determined by the Secretary of State, to take necessary and significant steps to implement its international legal obligations to apprehend and transfer to the International Criminal Tribunal for the Former Yugoslavia (the "Tribunal") all persons in their territory who have been publicly indicted by the Tribunal.
(b) The provisions of subsection (a) shall apply unless the Secretary of State determines and reports to the appropriate committees of the Congress that the competent authorities of such country, entity, or municipality are– (1) cooperating with the Tribunal, including access for investigators, the provision of documents, and the surrender and transfer of publicly indicted indictees or assistance in their apprehension; and (2) taking steps that are consistent with the Dayton Accords.
(c) The Secretary of State may waive the application of subsection (a) with respect to a country, entity, or municipality upon a written determination to the Committees on Appropriations of the House of Representatives and the Senate that provision of assistance that would otherwise be prohibited by that subsection is in the national interest of the United States.
Mr. SMITH of New Jersey. Mr. Chairman, I offer an amendment on behalf of the gentleman from Maryland (Mr. CARDIN) and myself.
The CHAIRMAN. The Clerk will designate the amendment. The text of the amendment is as follows: Amendment No. 8 offered by Mr. SMITH of New Jersey: Page 108, after line 20, insert the following: SENSE OF THE CONGRESS RELATING TO COOPERATION WITH THE INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL TRIBUNAL FOR THE FORMER YUGOSLAVIA SEC. 579. (a) FINDINGS.–The Congress finds as follows: (1) All member states of the United Nations have the legal obligation to cooperate fully with the International Criminal Tribunal for the Former Yugoslavia. (2) All parties to the General Framework Agreement for Peace in Bosnia and Herzegovina have the legal obligation to cooperate fully with the Tribunal in pending cases and investigations. (3) The United States Congress continues to insist, as a condition for the receipt of foreign assistance, that all governments in the region cooperate fully with the Tribunal in pending cases and investigations. (4) The United States Congress strongly supports the efforts of the Tribunal to bring those responsible for war crimes, crimes against humanity, and genocide in the former Yugoslavia to justice. (5) Those authorities in Serbia and the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia responsible for the transfer of Slobodan Milosevic to the Tribunal at The Hague are congratulated. (6) The governments of Croatia and Bosnia are congratulated for their cooperation with the Tribunal, particularly regarding the transfer of indictees to the Tribunal. (7) At least 30 persons who have been indicted by the Tribunal remain at large, especially in the Republika Srpska entity of Bosnia-Herzegovina, including but not limited to Radovan Karadzic and Ratko Mladic. (8) The Parliamentary Assembly of the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe recently adopted a resolution that emphasizes the importance of cooperation by member states with the Tribunal. (b) SENSE OF CONGRESS.–It is the sense of Congress that: (1) All governments, entities, and municipalities in the region, including but not limited to the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia , Serbia, and the Republika Srpska entity of Bosnia and Herzegovina, are strongly encouraged to cooperate fully and unreservedly with the International Criminal Tribunal for the Former Yugoslavia in pending cases and investigations. (2) All governments, entities, and municipalities in the region should cooperate fully and unreservedly with the Tribunal, including (but not limited to) through– (A) the immediate arrest, surrender, and transfer of all persons who have been indicted by the Tribunal but remain at large in the territory which they control; and (B) full and direct access to Tribunal investigators to requested documents, archives, witnesses, mass grave sites, and any officials where necessary for the investigation and prosecution of crimes under the Tribunal's jurisdiction.
The CHAIRMAN. Pursuant to the order of the House today, the gentleman from New Jersey (Mr. SMITH) and a Member opposed each will control 10 minutes.
Mr. KOLBE. Mr. Chairman, I claim the time in opposition, and I reserve a point of order against this amendment.
The CHAIRMAN. The gentleman from Arizona (Mr. KOLBE) reserves a point of order, and will be recognized on the amendment. The Chair recognizes the gentleman from New Jersey (Mr. SMITH) for 10 minutes.
Mr. SMITH of New Jersey. Mr. Chairman, I yield myself such time as I may consume. This amendment, Mr. Chairman, underscores our resolve to bring to justice those responsible for war crimes, crimes against humanity, and genocide. Sometimes some people wonder if it is really worth introducing this complex and complicating factor called justice into U.S. policy toward the region. Justice may be nice, they argue, but regional stability is what is really needed in the Balkans. Insisting on the prosecution of war crimes, they continue, certainly does not help in this regard, and if our European allies are not pushing this, why should we?
Mr. Chairman, in response, I ask that my colleagues make sure that time has not faded the horrific images of the Yugoslav conflict, images of prisoners interred in camps like Omarska, the mass graves of Vukovar, Srebrenica, and in recent weeks those uncovered in Serbia itself. I would just say parenthetically on a trip the gentleman from Virginia (Mr. WOLF) and I made in the early months of the war against Croatia, we went to Osijek and Vukovar. We were there when it was surrounded by Serbian military snipers. There were MiGs flying overhead. We met with people inside of wine cellars who would not come out because every day snipers were just picking off innocent civilians, killing these people as they walked down the street, as they leveled one block after another. The people who were in Vukovar Hospital, soon after we left, just months after we left when that city under siege was overtaken, were literally taken out and killed in a terrible, a horrible way, just shot and put into a mass grave.
So I would respectfully submit that we must remember those frightened, innocent peasants who we all saw the images of day in and day out on CNN fleeing over mountain passes with whatever they could carry. There were stories of snipers in Vukovar, in Sarajevo, in Mostar, in other cities, shooting anybody that crossed the street; or the militants lobbing shells at schools or kids who wrongfully hoped it would be safe enough to do a little sleigh riding in their hilly neighborhoods. It is virtually impossible for us, I would submit, to comprehend what it is like for these people who did nothing wrong, who posed no threat to anyone, to have encountered such hostility and such hatred. We must never forget nor should we ever stop seeking justice for those who fled, for those who were tortured, for those who were raped repeatedly.
We had hearings, Mr. Chairman. The gentleman might recall in the Helsinki Commissions we brought in rape victims who, as a matter of state policy, the Serbian government and the Bosnian Serbs were trying to make an example of these women to break the back of those people in Serbia, in Bosnia. It was horrible to see the blank faces and the vacant look in their eyes, the look of pain, as they came forward to tell of their stories. We must put ourselves in their shoes as we consider this amendment. We must stand there on the edge of that ditch and try to ponder the notion that these drunken people had their rifles pointed at their backs, and those sons and daughters and fathers and everyone else were killed. There needs to be an accounting. We must remember that these culprits of these horrific crimes are today living their lives at large, mostly in the Republic of Srpska, and in Serbia as well.
As a matter of fact, a history of ancient hatreds is really a myth. They like to throw that out, that somehow this was just all of these animosities, generation after generation. Nothing was inevitable. This did not have to happen. Those responsible for this carnage need to be held to account, people like Karadzic, Mladic, and some 30 others who have already been indicted by the tribunal who are walking the streets free today. They need to be held to account. Mr. Chairman, I offer this amendment. I know the chairman may raise a point of order. It does express our collective concerns as Democrats, Republicans, and Independents in favor of going forward and being as aggressive and attentive as we can be. As I said at the outset, time should not fade these memories. As we learned from the Holocaust and the atrocities of Nazis, we hunt down until we bring to justice those who have committed these horrible acts.
Mrs. LOWEY. Mr. Chairman, I move to strike the last word. As the gentleman knows, we worked together to craft appropriate language regarding aid to Yugoslavia and its cooperation with the War Crimes Tribunal. The bill carries similar language to the fiscal year 2001 bill. It allows assistance to Serbia until March 30, 2002, at which time the Secretary of State must certify that Serbia is cooperating with the Tribunal, taking steps consistent with the Dayton Accords to limit financial cooperation with the Republic of Srpska, and is respecting minority rights. The bill also carries separate language requiring that all countries cooperate with the international criminal tribunal or face penalties. We arrived at this language through negotiations with the chairman, and it enjoys the support of most members of the committee. I understand and agree with the concerns addressed in the gentleman's amendment, and I am happy that the language included reflects many of those concerns. I am pleased to note that soon after our subcommittee marked up this bill former President Milosevic was turned over to the Tribunal. Despite this historic event, I strongly support retaining this language. It recognizes the simple fact that many war criminals remain at large and that our assistance should continue to be conditioned to a great degree on continued cooperation with the Tribunal. I thank the gentleman for his leadership on this issue. Mr. Chairman, I yield back the balance of my time.
Mr. KOLBE. Mr. Chairman, I continue to reserve a point of order on this amendment, and I yield myself such time as I may consume. Mr. Chairman, let me just say about this issue, I understand the concerns that people have, and it is one that I share. We want to make sure that war criminals are brought to justice. We want to make sure that we move in Serbia to help develop democracy in that region. These are not mutually exclusive, by any means. But sometimes the orbits may come into conflict. We have two provisions in our bill relating to war criminals. Section 582 is a variation of last year's provision affecting Serbia. Section 578 is a streamlined replacement for the so-called Lautenberg Amendment that applies to all countries in the Balkans. That language, and I was just reading it the other day, it is pages and pages and pages in the bill that was so complicated it was just routinely waived. The committee recommendation this year I think is much more straightforward.
Regarding Serbia, last year's language prohibited most assistance to Serbia after March 31 of 2001 unless the President can certify, among other things, that Yugoslavia was cooperating with the War Crimes Tribunal in The Hague. Such a certification was made last year. We have received requests to continue and even to strengthen the language this year. Our recommendation continues the language largely unchanged from last year. I am not enthusiastic about doing that. We need to help the people of Serbia and the reformers in that country and the long struggle they have been facing to reform their society. Punishing them for not fulfilling every aspect of The Hague Tribunal's directives may not, and I think is not, positive in the long run. We want to help the democratic governments in the Balkans. We are not trying to hurt them. We are not trying to stunt their democratic growth. The Hague Tribunal is part of an effort to promote democratic governments. We cannot sacrifice the future of democratic governments to the procedural niceties, however, of the tribunal. They need to work together. They need to go hand in hand. The tribunal needs to do its stuff, but the countries are not always going to find it possible to comply with every single thing that the tribunal might ask them.
But I think it is worth noting, as every Member of this body is well aware, that President Milosevic, the key war criminal we were insisting that Serbia send to the tribunal, has been sent to The Hague. That has caused an enormous political difficulty for the government in Serbia. Let us not underestimate the great difficulties the Serbian Government, both at the provincial level as well as at the national, the federation level, has had in dealing with this problem. We also recognize that Croatia needs to send additional war criminals to The Hague. By bowing to international pressures, particularly pressure from the United States, the new democratic governments in the regions are facing tremendous risks, as we have been seeing with the political upheaval that has followed the transfer of President Milosevic to The Hague. So in our strong desire to have full compliance with the tribunal, I hope we do not end up hurting the very governments that we are trying to help. So for that reason, I think this is bad legislation, a bad approach to the problem. Mr. Chairman, I continue to reserve the balance of my time and also the point of order.
Mr. SMITH of New Jersey. Mr. Chairman, I yield myself 2 minutes, just to respond briefly. And I know a point of order is lodged against this, or will be shortly, but the language really does focus on all governments, entities, and municipalities in the region. And, frankly, when we have a sense of impunity, and I know Kostunica and others are trying to do their part to try to rein in. While I was in Paris, at the OSCE parliamentary assembly, we had a very, very meaningful, as did other members of our delegation, meeting with the speaker of the parliament in Serbia.
And I believe they really are serious about trying to rein in on the impunity that unfortunately was the modus operandi of Serbia for so long and the Republic of Yugoslavia. This language tries to say we are on your side, we want to help rid, or at least get to justice, those people who have committed these terrible crimes, because they intimidate their own people. On day two of the bombing, one of the people who had come to our Helsinki Commission and had testified on behalf of free media, at a time when Milosevic had shut down S92, and other independent media, he was murdered right after the bombing began. He was shot dead gangland-style by the thugs of Slobodan Milosevic. Some of those same people are still walking the streets. Otpor has come out, and they are naming names of police who have committed atrocities, putting themselves at considerable risk.
So it seems to me that the more we encourage those democratic forces, and this is sense of the Congress language granted, the quicker they will get to a free and hopefully a robust democracy. Let me just finally say, and I say to this my good friend the chairman, our hope is that we look very seriously at a police academy for the Republic of Yugoslavia. We met with General Ralston, our delegation, on our trip, and he made it very clear that the Kosovo Academy, which has now graduated some 4,000 police, really is the model for the region. It is the way we ought to be going. If we want to exit and pull out NATO troops, U.S. troops, we need to have on the ground the kind of stability and transparency that a properly trained police academy with an emphasis on human rights can bring. And it seems to me that Bosnia and the Republic of Srpska and, of course, the Republic of Yugoslavia could benefit greatly from it. So I ask the amendment be supported by my colleagues.


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In Oklahoma, Praying To A 'God Of Rebuilding'
All that's left standing at Kiaya Roper's house in Moore, Okla., is the bathroom. When a tornado struck the town on Monday, Roper was at work at Central Elementary School, her children were at school and her husband managed to ride out the storm by hunkering down in that bathroom.
"God put his hand down on his head for me," Roper says.
Twister-prone Oklahoma can be a challenging place to live. For survivors of the latest storm, that's just proof of how resilient their community will be.
Addressing teachers Wednesday, Moore Public Schools Superintendent Susan Pierce mentioned the Land Rush, the Trail of Tears, the Dust Bowl and "tornado after tornado after tornado." None of those made Oklahomans turn tail and run.
"Some people might say we're stubborn; I say we're tenacious," Pierce said. "We stay because that's who we are and that's what we do."
People such as Roper who have lost homes and all their possessions count themselves lucky, so long as their families survived.
At this early stage in the recovery, they have chosen to focus on the positive — the bravery of rescue workers and first responders, the generosity of people who have come to help or have donated money and goods from far away.
"I can't even describe how helpful people have been," says Sylvia Trillo, sitting outside her wrecked home in Moore.
As in other places beset by tragedy, people in central Oklahoma don't want to be defined by a disaster, but how they have responded to it, says Kari Watkins, executive director of the Oklahoma City National Memorial & Museum, which commemorates the 1995 bombing of the downtown federal building.
"You go on and live life and move forward the best you can," Watkins says. "Because a tornado blows through doesn't mean you don't rebuild or move back."
Remembering May 3
The date May 3 resonates for people in central Oklahoma much in the same way that Sept. 11 does for all Americans. All this week, residents have been referring back to the outbreak of tornadoes on May 3, 1999, that devastated Moore and other communities.
"We've done it before, so we were ready to go," says Kyle Duncan, business administrator of the First Baptist Church in Moore, which is serving as a shelter and major staging ground for insurance agents and adjusters, as well as for donated goods.
No one knew Monday morning that they'd need to come help out at the church, but dozens of volunteers have shown up every day since.
"We don't do drills or anything, but it's definitely still in the minds of the people," Duncan says.
Oklahoma Banking Commissioner Mick Thompson, who was visiting the church, also applauded how people responded immediately to a less damaging tornado that struck the town of Shawnee on Sunday.
"By the time they were reporting it, we had people out on tractors moving stuff," he says. "They'll need government assistance, but they didn't wait on government to help. They were out doing things for people before the storm even passed."
Can't Fight The Weather
There's an old joke that everyone complains about the weather, but no one does anything about it.
In Oklahoma, they've accepted that there's nothing human beings can do.
"We do live here in central Oklahoma pretty much in the bulls-eye of the traditional Tornado Alley," says John Snow, a meteorologist at the University of Oklahoma.
But like other residents, Snow points out that there's bad weather practically everywhere — drought and fires and hurricanes. Some have made jokes this week about family members who live in California, for example, and risk "falling into the ocean."
"People in Oklahoma not only endure the weather, they've turned it into a resource," Snow says. He notes that wind farms that send electricity as far away as Alabama and the fact that his own campus is home to the National Weather Center, which serves to predict storms throughout the country.
"We had another tornado, and OK, we'll rebuild," Snow says.
Needing To Move Mountains
In a benediction, Lori Walke asked the gathering of teachers Wednesday to pray to a "god of rebuilding."
It's been a common prayer this week. Family, jobs and other ties have prompted most people to insist that they will stay, although a few are reluctant to rebuild in exactly the same spot.
There's pride in having survived so many killer storms and having responded with generosity and resolve.
"It's amazing what we go through and what God can bring us through," says Moore resident Daniel Iverson, who ends an interview with a reporter so he can go fetch oxygen for his mother.
Pride and faith are helping people pull through, as they cope with shock and begin to count up their losses.
"You need that right now," says Victor Rook, a computer and math teacher at Central Junior High. "You need to feel like you can move mountains because you have mountains you need to move."


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My dear and sweet friend Clarice is hosting a special event to celebrate 100 years of Japanese Immigration in Brazil. She is a Brazilian of Japanese ascendancy and has been living in Japan for almost 2 decades now.
The event is about cooking or baking with Japanese ingredients. I thought about so many different recipes, but ended up choosing this one – all I did was use sake instead of grappa. It was my first time making a panna cotta and I was pleased with the result – the sake flavor is very subtle and the cooked apples and syrup compliment it beautifully.
Clarice, darling, I hope you like my entry! It took me a while to post it because I wanted to make it in my brand new kitchen. :)
Sake panna cotta
adapted from Australian Gourmet Traveller
300ml double cream
300ml pouring cream
110g caster sugar
Zest of 1 lemon, removed with a peeler
60ml sake
2½ leaves of gelatin (titanium strength)*, softened in cold water
Sake apples:
2 pink lady apples, cored and cut into thin wedges – I used Gala apples
juice of 1 lemon
165g caster sugar
grated zest of ½ lemon
12 cloves
125ml sake
Heat creams, caster sugar, lemon zest and half the sake and stir over low heat until combined (4-5 minutes). Increase heat to medium and cook gently until mixture comes to the boil (4-5 minutes). Squeeze excess water from gelatin, add to cream mixture and stir to dissolve, remove from heat and cool to blood temperature. Strain, add remaining sake, stir and pour into six ½-cup-capacity dariole moulds rinsed with water. Refrigerate overnight or until set.
For sake apples, combine apples and lemon juice in a bowl and set aside. Heat sugar, lemon zest, cloves and ¾ cup water in a saucepan and bring to the boil over medium heat, reduce heat to low and simmer gently until reduced to ¾ cup (8-10 minutes). Drain apples, reserving liquid, add apples and half the sake to sugar syrup, return to the boil over medium-high heat, then simmer very gently over low heat, stirring occasionally, until apples are tender and translucent (35-40 minutes), add reserved lemon juice and remaining sake and cook until syrupy (8-10 minutes). Cool to room temperature.
To serve, briefly dip panna cotta moulds into boiling water and invert onto serving plates. Serve with sake apples to the side, drizzled with extra syrup.
* I had no idea of kind of gelatin this was, so I used 6 leaves of regular gelatin. I think I could have done with 5.
Serves 6


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From the kitchen of One Perfect Bite...I first made this pie hopping that it would be an adult version of S'mores. That turned out to be wishful thinking, but the recipe was simple and the pie was tasty, so I held on to the recipe for informal occasions when we had a chocolate lover at the table. The version of the pie you see today was made with semi-sweet chocolate, but I have also made it with milk chocolate and had great results. The marshmallow topping makes this a very sweet dessert, and while I personally find it a bit much, others really enjoy it, so, I've allowed myself to be overruled and continue to make it for those who enjoy something rich and sweet to end a meal. If you decide to try the pie, make sure you have a candy thermometer on hand.You'll need it to test the temperature of the marshmallow cream which gets hot enough to burn. I refrigerate this pie, but bring it to room temperature for serving. It is easy to make and I think those of you who try it will be pleased. While the pie will keep for several days, it is best eaten the day it is made. Here's the recipe.
Dark Chocolate Pie with Toasted Marshmallow Topping...from the kitchen of One Perfect Bite inspired by Family Circle magazine
3/4 cup 2% milk
3/4 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped into small pieces
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tablespoons corn syrup
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1) Heat oven to 325 degrees F.
2) To make chocolate filling: Beat eggs in a small bowl; set aside. Combine milk, cream, sugar and salt in a medium saucepan over medium heat until simmering. Remove from heat and add vanilla, chocolate and cocoa powder; stir until combined and smooth. Stir about 3/4 cup of chocolate mixture into the beaten eggs; stir chocolate-egg mixture back into saucepan. Pour filling into cooled crust. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until filling is set and glossy. Cool completely on a wire rack.
3) To make marshmallow topping: Bring 1 inch of water to a simmer in a medium saucepan. Combine egg whites, corn syrup, sugar and salt in a metal bowl large enough to sit on top of the saucepan. Whisk constantly in bowl over water until sugar is dissolved and eggs have reached 160 degrees, about 3 to 5 minutes. Pour mixture and vanilla into bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a whisk attachment and beat on high speed until fluffy, about 5 minutes. Set aside.
4) To finish: Heat broiler. Spoon marshmallow topping on cooled on cooled pie. Broil until topping begins to brown, 1 minute. Yield: 8 to 10 servings.
Two Years Ago Today: Apple Strudel
Three Years Ago Today: Lemon Buttermilk Ice Cream with Candied Lemon Zest


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ORANGE, Calif. – Former NBA star Dennis Rodman has been found in contempt of court and ordered to pay $500,000 in back child support to his ex-wife, her attorney said Thursday.
The flamboyant basketball player known for his off-court antics was sentenced to informal probation, his ex-wife's attorney, Mary Ann Noiroux, told City News Service. Orange County Superior Court Commissioner Barry Michaelson warned Rodman could face jail time if he doesn't pay the child support, she said.
Another attorney for Rodman's ex-wife argued in court that Rodman owed Michelle Rodman about $850,000, but Linnea Willis, the former NBA standout's attorney, challenged that figure, Noiroux said.
The two sides met outside court and agreed to $500,000, which Michaelson approved, Noiroux said.
Willis told The Associated Press the contempt finding came from Rodman unintentionally paying too little, pointing out that the judge gave Rodman no jail time or community service, and commended him for his previous community service in the case.
Willis said in a phone interview that Rodman was not present at a November 2010 hearing where he was ordered to pay additional child support and was not properly served the documents with the new order, resulting in several months of underpayment.
"He's been complying with the court orders ever since he found out the correct information," Willis said.
She said she would seek to have the $500,000 payment order overturned because Rodman was not present in court to challenge the initial order and his previous attorneys missed a deadline to have it set aside.
Dennis and Michelle Rodman must still work out custody and visitation for their two pre-teen children: a son and a daughter.
A trial is set for Jan. 24 on those issues, but the two hope to work out an agreement before the court date, Noiroux said.
This isn't the first time Dennis Rodman has been found in contempt.
Rodman, recognizable by his facial piercings and his hair that's died in brilliant colors, was ordered to perform 104 hours of community service in May after being found guilty of four counts of contempt for failure to pay child support for 2009 and 2010.
Willis said Rodman performed those hours and 23 more.
The legal battle between Rodman and his former spouse began in 2004, when Michelle Rodman filed for divorce.
Dennis Rodman was a bad-boy star of the Detroit Pistons and won three NBA championships with the Chicago Bulls. He was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame last year.
The eccentric athlete who once dated Madonna and was briefly married to Carmen Electra lived in California's Orange County before moving to Florida.
He frequently attracted the attention of police with loud parties at his Newport Beach residence.


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Content reigns king in 2015, as it did in 2014. Get on the bandwagon and start your own company (or personal) blog. Give your potential customers free content and establish yourself as an industry thought leader. Content that's shared to other people and other organizations online creates connections. The more engaging content you produce, the more traffic to your website, and, hopefully, the more converted leads.
Furthermore, great content with specific keywords will help your company climb the search engine optimization ladder. Incorporate keywords throughout each blog post to earn higher rankings on Google. For keywords, think about your products or what you want to be known for. Get to the top of those rankings, create more leads and industry authority with a blog. Here are 10 tips for a successful blog:
- Blog for the right reasons–refer to your organization's mission and know your audience
- Always cite sources when posting others' images
- Post consistently
- Create an editorial calendar
- Reserve your username on all social media platforms as soon as possible
- Buy your domain as soon as possible
- Layout and track your blog statistics (How many monthly visitors? Monthly page-views?)
- Layout and track monthly goals
- Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle


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Timothy Churchill
Timothy cut his teeth in journalism reporting for The Exeter Newsletter in New Hampshire starting in 2003. He was a staff writer for Fundraising Success, a Philadelphia-based magazine that covers development trends in the non-profit sector in 2007. He joined the news staff at WRTI in 2009, and now reports on education, science, business, local and state government, legal affairs, as well as a variety of general public-interest stories.
Timothy contributes to WRTI's weekly news feature program, News and Views, and is an occasional anchor. His work has been broadcast on NPR and the BBC. A 1999 graduate of New England College in Henniker, NH - where his academic work focused on literature and American history - Timothy also attended a master's program in American studies at the University of Massachusetts.
Timothy's news reports can be heard daily.


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Cherokee masks come in many guises
A mask is a mechanism employed to cover the face as a protective screen or disguise. For protection, they have been utilized for centuries by medieval horsemen, welders, fencers, hockey goalies, and so on. Their most intriguing uses, however, have been as a devices of disguise, as in a theatrical production or as part of the paraphernalia of religious and/or cultural ritual.
We don't have to go to darkest Africa or the remote jungles of South America to find recent and extensive use of a variety of masks in this latter context. Until very recently they were an important element of Cherokee ritual.
A visit to the Qualla Arts and Crafts Mutual Inc. or other outlets in Cherokee will turn up a variety of the contemporary masks being produced by the reservation's carvers. They sometimes use skins or gourds, but for the most part masks are carved from buckeye or other suitable wood and then colored with natural dyes, paint, clay, charcoal, or shoe polish.
Often these modern masks simply depict a man with horns (the buffalo mask) or maybe a bear's face. I am especially attracted to those haunting masks that are presented unadorned as a skull-like rendering. A favorite theme of some carvers is that of a man's head topped by a coiled rattlesnake. And then there are those grotesque or sometimes even obscene productions known as "booger masks."
If you take the time to look up and talk with a Cherokee mask-maker, you'll get a friendly enough reception (especially if you're actually shopping for a mask), but you're not likely to get much insight into their themes. These people just don't make their living talking. They'll say something like, "Oh, that's just a snake that happens to be on that man's head"; or, "Funny thing, I started in to carving and it just turned out that way"; or, "You think it looks like a what?"
Unless you happen upon an unusually talkative mask-maker in an unguarded moment, your best sources for detailed information on the Cherokee mask tradition are the book-length study Cherokee Dance and Drama (1951) by Frank G. Speck and Leonard Broom, and the article by Raymond D. Fogelson and Amelia B. Walker titled "Self and Other in Cherokee Booger Masks" that appeared in the fall 1980 issue of the Journal of Cherokee Studies.
Related Items
Cherokee Dance and Drama was written in collaboration with Cherokee mask-maker and cultural authority Will West Long. Others who contributed to the book were Long's elder sister, Roxy, his elder half-brother Lawyer Calhoun, Deliski Climbing Bear, and Mrs. Sampson Owl. This book is the real thing.
Will West Long — the son of Sally Terrapin and John Long, a Baptist minister — was born about 1870 in the traditional Big Cove section of the Qualla Boundary. After attending a school near High Point, he returned to Cherokee at the time the famous ethnologist James Mooney was there collecting data for his book subsequently published in 1900 as Myths of the Cherokee. Mooney hired Long as a scribe and interpreter.
Long later attended Hampton Institute and lived in New England until he was in his mid-30s. He returned once more to Cherokee shortly before his mother died in 1904, married, and spent the remainder of his life on the reservation.
His mother's interest in such matters, along with Mooney's influence, created in Long a passion for preserving the quickly fading history and social customs of the Cherokee. He acquired manuscripts and insights from the medicine men that would otherwise have been lost. Long is rightly considered by many to be the authoritative scholar of his people's customs during his lifetime.
In addition to his other interests, Long helped preserve the traditional dances and became one of the community's foremost mask-makers, a craft he learned from a cousin, Charley Lossiah. Allen Long succeeded his father as the tribe's top mask-maker during the early 20th century.
As described in the sources cited above, the Booger Dance (also called the Mask Dance) was a ritual performed after the first frost that featured masks which exaggerated human features; that is, they represented racial types: Indian man (a dark red face); Indian woman (light red face with paint on cheeks) white man (woodchuck or opossum fur as a beard); black man (charcoal colored); and so on.
What made the booger masks exceptional were the sometimes grotesque, often humorous, and usually obscene elements incorporated into them that suggested European features like bushy eyebrows, mustaches, chin whiskers, big noses, ghastly white pallor, and bald heads.
The boogers — generally depicted as older men — represented "people far away or across the water" (Europeans, blacks, northerners, southerners, alien Indians) who intrude upon the peaceful social dances of the Cherokee. Upon entering the dance house, they break wind, chase women, and generally behave as barbarians. Asked what they want, the boogers first reply "Girls!" then announce that they want "To fight!" Instead of reciprocating, the Cherokee allow them to dance out their hostilities.
This ritual has been interpreted in several ways. It was a way to deal with "the harmful powers of alien tribes and races, who, as living beings or ghosts, may be responsible for sickness or misfortune." It also served as "condensation of the acculturation process as seen from the Cherokee perspective: first the white man tried to steal women; second he wanted to fight; and then, finally, he was satisfied to make a fool of himself."
It's also clear that many of the ingeniously crafted masks used in the ceremony simply poked fun at boorish masculine traits in general, including the "excessive preoccupation with sexuality" and the desire to be "in charge."
And so, my friend, always remember that masks are mirrors ... the next time you spot a Cherokee booger mask in a shop, at one of the craft festivals, or in a museum, pause and take a closer look ... it just might be looking back at you.