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Wednesday, January 30, 2008
On Birthdays...
I have some relatives that don't celebrate birthdays because of their religious beliefs. I respect their choices and I really don't give it a second thought. In fact, I applaud their integrity because I think a well chosen card, letter, gift or phone call means a lot more when it comes out of the blue and not because you are doing it out of obligation. The older I get, the more I think that they really have it right. I try, in my own way to honor their way of thinking. To send off some 'words' when they come from the heart for no occasion is something I do. And my heart feels so good when I do it.
Yet I have other friends who truly honor other peoples birthdays and I believe when it comes to their birthday, it is a gift to be able to give a little of what they give to others all year, in 'honoring' them as well on their birthday.
I like to reciprocate the feeling of the individual, whether it is or is not in 'honoring the day'. .
Mom has one of those 'milestone birthdays' coming up and our family is planning a gathering and using her birthday as an opportunity to invite our family to enjoy the day with us. The true gift to Mom, is bring her family to her for the day. And in doing so, it was my greatest wish to have all of the family attend, despite the 'beliefs' they did or didn't hold.
And I tried what I could, but it isn't meant to be. I'm saddened but not disheartened. I admire the integrity of a person who stands strong behind what they believe in.
Which brings me back to the beginning ... am I the hypocritical one since I am so willing to go either way?
Revitalized Again
I love waking up, excited about the day and with positive, energizing thoughts wafting through my mind.
It seems that so much 'fuel' comes from my Mom lately. I have talked to her on the phone more this past month, than ever before ... And it feels like our 'energy' is contagious. What she gives to me, I return. We are volleying this enthusiasm back and forth and no one is dropping the ball.
The winter months (particularly January) seem to be the toughest months of the year to endure. I am now beginning to see why resolutions became a tradition. If ever you need a month to pull yourself up and 'do impossible things', the longest coldest month of the year is a good month to do it!
I have pulled myself so far out of my comfort zone this month it has had its frightening moments. And it never fails - just when I'm feeling exhausted, overwhelmed or becoming lackadaisical ... Mom will call. Coincidence? I like to think not. I like to think that we are part of a team and we are equal partners in this adventure called 'January'......
Monday, January 28, 2008
Out of Steam, Out of Words...
After a busy, busy weekend ... and a busy, busy day today (no school; lots of kids; and a full cooking/baking agenda) ... I'm tuckered out.
And ... it feels wonderful. I just want to hibernate tonight and let all the good things of these past days sift to the top of my consciousness and just revel in them. Quietly. And cozily (I just tried cleaning up some of the shovelling outside but it's mighty brisk out there -43 degrees with the wind).
I'm really not sure why I stopped here to write. Just happy to be home and warm tonight. Just happy.....
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The Gift of a Day
I started out the morning like I always do and was feeling so lucky because I had 'the gift of time' on my hands before my scheduled trek out to Davidson for the quest for stories for my book project.
I thought I was in the right mindset to sit down and do 'an impossible thing' (see my blog "6 Impossible Things Before Lunch"). I have had words stirring in my mind for a long time - an email that I wanted to send to a friend that I have lost touch with (neglected perhaps?). This is a friend that is 'tied up' with my past, so it is trickier navigation at times as the past intermingles with the present and it is too easy to be hurt or unintentionally do hurtful things. Because I knew that fault lied with me, for not keeping in closer touch, it was hard to do. But by the time I sat down this morning, the words were all at my fingertips.
I no sooner got to the point in my email where I needed to take a step back from it and reread it in a different light, when I got a phone call from another 'friend of my past'. Again ... both of us in a vulnerable spot where one is easily offended or hurt. It is so sad when someone who used to be so close, becomes someone you almost need to keep a distance from, because of those wounds - either fresh or newly healed.
To make a long story short, I ended my morning with a good visit under my belt with both of these friends. One, in person ... the other via email (a rather one-sided visit there, but at least a beginning). 'The gift of friends'....
The next item on the agenda was to pick up my cousin and head out to her Mom's in Davidson to 'research' the family history book.
Well. This cousin is a breath of fresh air. Purely enjoyable to be around, visit with, laugh with, and reminisce with. Our trip there and back went so fast as we managed to do a 'lifetime' of catching up in less than 2 1/2 hours.
And the visit at my aunts, with another aunt that I'm certain that I've really never spoken to in my life (she was married to my Mom's younger brother that we didn't see alot, as I grew up) was absolutely ... a gift.
I have stepped completely out of my comfort zone to call these family members to suggest we collect up the family's memories to put into a book. And I was welcomed into their homes and collection of family stories like I was a long lost friend (instead of a timid niece that barely spoke as a child).
We laughed ... and we laughed ... and we laughed (the 'gift of laughter'). Reminiscing with this most amazing group of relatives was something to behold. The memories of a time long ago that was most definately a life filled with challenges were recalled with fondness (and even the ability to almost chuckle over the stories about the frozen indoor 'commode' ... details left best to the imagination).
I hope that I am able to capture the essence of the feelings of this walk down memory lane, as I put all of these stories together.
I am blessed to be a part of a most special family. 'The gift of family'.
And today has been 'The Ultimate Gift'...........
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thinking Forward
Yes, I'm definately getting ahead of myself but I truly believe by envisioning the completed project in my mind, I am setting myself up for success. The completion of this project (finishing what I've started) defines success for me this first time around.
My mind is swirling with ways to tell our family's story. I am getting excited about it and I hope that feeling that excitement now, it will create excitement (or at least an interest) while the reader is reading it.
These are the meanderings of my mind today. I just have to write them down so I can go back and read them if I lose the inspiration to go forward....
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
I'm Drinking From My Saucer
I'm Drinking From My SaucerAuthor Unknown
I've never made a fortune,
And it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much,
I'm happy anyhow.
As I go along life's journey,
Reaping better than I have sowed,
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
Ain't got a lot of riches,
And sometime the going's rough.
But I've got a family that loves me.
That makes me rich enough.
I just thank God for His blessings,
And the mercy He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
I remember times when things went wrong,
And my faith got a little thin.
Then all at once the dark clouds broke,
And the old sun broke through again.
So, Lord, help me not to gripe
About the tough rows I have hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
And if God gives me strength and courage
When the way gets steep and rough,
I won't ask for other blessings--
I'm already blessed enough.
Lord, may I never be too busy
To help others bear their loads.
Help me show them how to drink from their saucers
'Cause You make their cup overflow.
So I'll just keep on drinking from my saucer,
'Cause now I've come to know
God fills me with every blessing...
And now my saucer overflows!
I have patience with the kids, I am enjoying my the parents I babysit for, I feel like I am a better parent, I have something left of me to offer at the end of the day ... whether it is to help someone out in some way ... or actually leave the house and go and visit someone ... I am so very, very ''full''.
I have often felt a void in my life. And it has honestly felt like a hole in my heart or soul in some way. I can feel the difference in the way I eat, I shop and I live when I am ''full''.
I have shopped and filled my cart as though I was 'filling a void' ... I have eaten to the point where I am beyond full but still shovelling in the food to fill something inside me that is empty ... I have rejected people and socializing in my life because I am so hollow inside that I feel I have nothing to offer anyone.
But these days ... I am full. I eat because I am hungry. I shop because I need to. And I actually can leave the house at the end of a day ... and still feel like a vital human being that has something to offer someone else.
I have just returned home from a most enjoyable visit ... my heart and my soul are so content. Feeling like this at the end of the day defines contentment and happiness.
My cup is overflowing ...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Six Impossible Things Before Lunch
Well, as I looked at the phone calls I had to make today as well as a "sick" computer (I'm still ending up causing havoc in people's inboxes with my emails). I felt overwhelmed at the tasks before me.
I made one phone call. I told myself that it is so much easier to call in the morning. By the end of the day I'm running out of gusto and the thought of picking up the phone and dialing it feels overwhelming a lot of the time.
One phone call led to the next and the next and the next. I have set up a time and place to meet up with a few more of my aunts (and invited a cousin along for the ride as well) for my next fact-finding mission for this history book.
I felt like I could conquer the world after I did "Four Impossible Things" (four phone calls). Wow!! Getting the tough part of your day over with first thing in the morning is definately a way to jump start your day!!! (I should really start exercising again. One more impossible thing).
After that, I was actually eager to tackle the computer problems. I contacted my the tech-support department of the antivirus program I have and ran scans in the 'safe mode' as they suggested. We'll see if that works.
I wonder what six impossible things I shall tackle tomorrow???
Monday, January 21, 2008
Reinspired and Raring to Go Again
Last night after I transcribed the conversation I had with my aunt, into notes for ''The Book", I was so overwhelmed. I was so grateful that our hour had a few lulls in the conversation and a got off topic a bit every now and again ...
But after I retyped her words today, and fit everything into my outline of my 'story' ... I was wishing I had 2 or 3 times as much material as I had. That was a good feeling.
Then tonight I knew I should start making my next round of phone calls to line up my next interviews ... and I was stuck.
Wouldn't you know it? Mom called me and our conversation got me excited again ...
I had printed off a few of my blog entries and she had gotten them in the mail today. And her words felt so good to hear. Praise coming from your mother is simply the best approval in the world. She didn't say all that much ... but she said just enough to make me feel worthy. And capable of taking on this book endeavor.
Todays quote in "The Secret" calendar is by Martin Luther King Jr: "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step".
What perfect words for me to read and concentrate on today. Just when the staircase looked too steep ... I just need to focus on the first step. And now ... I'm onto the second one ....
Sunday, January 20, 2008
A Beginning
I seem to be creating stress in peoples lives with my project. That was not my intent at all ... I was hopeful that it would be an enjoyable stroll down memory lane. Maybe once we get going with it and get together as a small group, they'll be able to relax and hopefully have fun with the idea.
I transposed our conversation today into a scribbler and I have several pages of words to try and put into the format that I have in mind. I am seeing a lot of words ... feeling the stress that I'm causing ... and I had to put that aside for tonight. A good nights rest and a new day will put things back into perspective and I hope to come back at this with a fresh eye tomorrow.
How to tell someone else's story is tricky. I want so much to keep their words true and weave their tale in a way to make a person want to find out more. Maybe I should have taken a writing class first? But I'll learn as I go along.
These uncomfortable steps make a person stronger and wiser I believe. I'm out in foreign territory at the moment. I need to get comfortable with where I'm at ... then I'll forge on.
It is a process .... this is just the first step of many.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Another Banner Day
I went into work and was busy from the moment I signed on my computer to the minute I walked out the door. Some challenges, but my brain was firing on all cylinders and I had the ability to figure things out and just roll with the punches. I love days that challenge me, yet don't overwhelm me at the same time.
I've cleared my slate for a getaway tomorrow afternoon to start the research for my 'book' (I loosely call it a book because it simply feels like I am gathering up stories ... but I want the end product to be bound like a book ... so a book it is). I am eager to get started on this project because once I start things, I do tend to obsess about completing them. And I am genuinely excited to put all of this together. Ideas of how to present it all are coming to me. I just hope that I can pull it off.
Ideas for Mom's upcoming birthday gathering are coming to me fast and furious. I don't know if I'm getting carried away with things, but I just seem to be receptive to different (possibly far reaching) ideas and they just seem like they would be perfect if we could somehow manage to make it come together ....
I am simply excited about 'life' lately. And it is a fantastic feeling!!!!
Friday, January 18, 2008
It's Been a Good Week
I cannot believe the peace I have within me this week. Striving towards that goal of making my days better one half hour at a time was a good one. I was more careful with my words with the kids, I was more tolerant of the wild moments, my patience level was so much better ... I was kinder. My Youngest had been video taping moments along the way and he caught me in the camera a few times. And I could wear a happier look on my face as I oversee the action here. But the stress levels were well under control. I do believe this was a banner week.
I seem to be absorbing the positive words that I am reading and hearing a lot this week. Between the quotes in the "The Secret" daily calendar ... the 'live your best life' moments that I catch, watching "Oprah" ... morsels of positiveness from emails that I've been getting ... ... ... I seem to have the capability to internalize a lot of these words lately. There for a while, I would read the and words and think "ya, ya, ya... I know I should ...", and the ability to put anything I read into action felt nil. I am feeling much better now.
I've had a bit of an emotional ride as I started feeling like I was risking too much of myself with these new endeavors I'm trying out. And I think that is why I've really been focusing on the positive self-talk a lot these past several blog entries. I'm working at keeping the negativity at bay and by focusing on the pluses, it is helping. It's helping a lot!
And of course I had my dance lesson tonight to wind up the week. There was some learning involved this week (not a lot, but a start), compared to last weeks lesson where we 'played' and simply danced. I can even feel the difference with my dancing. I feel much more relaxed and capable of taking in new information. By the time I quit dancing last winter, I felt like a saturated sponge. Unable to take in anything more. Now ... I'm ready to take it on again. Teach me!! I can learn again!!!
The week was a good one. It was a gift......
I Think I Can....
-Henry Ford (1863-1947)
The thoughts we think, the internal voice inside of our heads is so very powerful.
Being around kids all day, I have become conscious of the words I speak and try to watch the direction I steer these young minds around me.
"He can't do that, he's too little" is a common refrain. My response to that is, "He can try. If he's too small or not strong enough he might not be able to right now ... but he can still try".
The power of that inner voice is so strong. How often do we talk ourselves out of trying something new because we think we can't?
I have taken a step far, far out of my comfort zone this past week. I am going to gather the information I need to start writing about our family's history. This encompasses getting together with aunts that I don't know really well; travelling a little; sacrificing some that that precious time I have left over at the end of the week; and then offering to put my words out there for others to read.
Scary stuff. But I have been told by people in so many different areas of my life that I should write a book. This 'book' will be other peoples stories. The risk is my interpretation of it and how I present it.
I feel like the little engine that could ... and I am envisioning the point where I am at the top of that hill and going down saying ... "I knew I could ... I knew I could!".
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Sum of Our Experiences
How very true. As a parent, I've watched my children make choices that made me shudder and go through phases that weren't comfortable to live with. As a human being, I've made some unwise choices and found myself in situations that were tough.
I have often said that if I could do things over again, I would do it all the same. The errors in judgement and the paths that I chose have taught me so much. I would be a shell of the person that I am today if I hadn't travelled this road.
Our experiences have molded us into the people we are today. Whether that is a good thing or not, we still have the power to let our experiences guide us into better choices the next time...
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Back on the Ground Again
Last night was the first night in many, that I wasn't glued to the computer. And it actually felt rather good.
I enjoy quiet moments and I haven't given myself the opportunity to indulge in that a lot lately.
I love a challenge and I think I need goals and new interests to keep me motivated. But time to just sit back and breathe is wonderful. Especially when so many positive thoughts are circulating through my mind.
My babysitting days this week have been crazy-busy and loud, loud, loud. And it's been okay. I've had more patience and just a healthier mind-set to be dealing with a house full of 5 year olds and under. I still don't have that aura about me that I'm aiming for. But I'm better. I'll settle for better ...
I have created a busyness in my life - commitments to other people - that I tend to shy away from . There has been a time when my free hours were so scarce that I became very greedy with my free moments. So to be offering to 'share' this precious time .... it's kind of scary. But overall, I think it is a sign that I am regaining some equilibrium in my life again. I'm ready to share my time and myself again. I have a little left over at the end of the day, and it feels good.
Yes, my feet are back on solid ground again.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I woke up this morning with the 'infection' theme still resonating in my mind. It was then, that I found a truer meaning to this heaviness in my heart.
Infections ... whether they are computer related, airborn germs or attitudes.
Attitudes. Hmmm. Words. I have been putting myself and my thoughts out for 'the world' to read lately. And whether it is 'the world' or simply one or two people that may read this ... my words have the ability to 'infect'. And as with my computer infection scare, there is a possibility that I may unknowingly spreading an 'infection'. I read, reread, edit and reedit these words that I post ... but there is always the possibility that they could be misinterpreted.
I am so grateful for all of the friends that called to let me know about this computer infection message ... and I would also ask that if anyone reads something here that feels ''infected'', please let me know as well. I will do my best not to offend and if I do, I will do my best to resolve it.
Infections happen ... but they can be treated.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The Gift of a Friend
It seems I have a friend for each 'season' of my life ...
One friend who seems to intuitively know when she is needed in my life. She seems to be the one who hears me out when I am in the thick of a 'life transition'. She listens, offers words of advise, is there through the rough patches. Her intuitiveness amazes me ... and has been there through thick and thin.
I have another friend that I call when I am at my wits end. I was having a meltdown with my (babysitting) kids one morning and I knew she was the one to call. It never fails - it seems that we are always on the same page and able to relate with whatever the other is going through. We had an instant connection when we met in high school, parted ways as life took us off in different directions, met up by chance when we were riding the same bus one day ... and we've remained close (at heart, if not distance) ever since.
And I have several friends that are kind of friendships that time disappears the moment we hear each others voice on the phone, mail or email. Our lives are completely independent of each others, but the connection is strong and our friendship is real.
A cousin that I grew up with ... where we can go back in time and become our younger selves again when we visit. Echoes of the past, laughter, support, understanding, a kinship beyond our blood ties. We respect each others life choices and I believe our bond is unshakeable.
Friends tied to the past remain in my life. That is a more fragile bond - misunderstandings can happen easily because we sometimes are walking in uncharted territory. It doesn't undermine the bond we shared and I believe that an afternoon and a pot of coffee would bring us back to a stronger spot.
A best friend from my childhood that I haven't seen in ?? so many years I can't remember. We share a Christmas letter and now with email, we have the odd mid-year connection as well. My dream is to take a trip to see her. I feel like we could take a step back in time and reconnect in a fun and new level.
There is an email that has made the rounds many times about the people in our lives that are there for a 'Reason, Season or Lifetime'. My 'Lifetime' friends ... my 'forever-friends' as I so often call them .... I cherish the bond, the history and our friendship. There is simply a sense of ''knowing'' that we can pick up from where we last left off no matter how many miles or years have separated us.
My only hope is that I am able to return all that I have received in the name of friendship....
As I read and reread my reference to ''the relationship that was toxic to me'', I thought that both sides of that coin deserve equal time.
What I am starting to discover (now that I have stepped away from things a bit emotionally), is the common denominator between my two failed relationships ....
As I mentioned in an earlier blog, the power that words hold. Written or spoken. I have wielded my words like a sword. Whether in small ways, on a consistent basis ... or in big ways, when under duress. My exhusband didn't have the communication skills to defend himself, so he chose what was natural to him to 'fight my words'. That doesn't make his actions right, but the fact that he reacted was to be expected. And so it was, in my last relationship ... different reaction, but it was in response to my words and actions.
It takes two to argue. This is a fact. And as 'toxic' as these relationships were to me, they were just as lethal to the other party....
I have so much to learn and so far to grow in the world of relationships. What I have learned is that people will treat you the same way you treat yourself. If you feel unworthy and unloveable, that is what you will attract (the 'law of attraction' that ''The Secret'' talks of).
So I am finding it a very positive sign that I am 'falling in love with my life' and starting to feel so much stronger within myself. The need for a relationship to sustain this is nil.
After my relationship ended, I was hurting so much and for so long, that I wished that I could have immediately filled that void. Just to numb the pain and help me forget. I am so grateful that wish wasn't fulfilled.
We don't always get what we want in life. But we do get what we need.
"Because there's a deeper level of courage. It makes you stronger with each move you make. It makes you fall in love with yourself. It makes you fall in love with your life. That's because, at its core, courage is about strengthening your relationship with yourself."
There has been something resonating with me since I read that paragraph. "Falling in love with your life." That is exactly what I have been falling into during this most recent leg of my journey.
I have been giddy and euphoric for no outward reason. My heart is soaring with excitement and happiness. I stand taller, I feel more confident. Yes. I feel like I'm falling in love!! With myself?? So odd to think of it that way, but it fits.
My self esteem had been taking a gradual decline over the past many years and around this time last year it was sinking to its lowest. The lowest of lows. And the scariest part of it, was that it got worse before it got better. I look back to those days and I am forever grateful that I was able to crawl out of the abyss.
This article lists 66 ways to build your courage and starting a blog was one of them. This blog has been an idea festering in my mind for a good year. I have always have had more words in me than ears to listen, and the concept of journalling intrigued me. The idea of putting myself out into cyberspace made me stop and think on it (for about a year). But now that I'm "here", I'm in love!!
There were so many things that got me from 'there' to 'here'. Getting out of a relationship that was toxic to me was probably what saved me, although it certainly didn't feel like it at the time.
When I had hit the bottom of the pit, I knew that I had to do something. I had to act. I had to take one step forward. I sent out an ''SOS'' email to a group of friends. We originally tagged ourself with the name "The Optimist Group". I don't know if they really knew how desperate I was when I put myself out there on a limb and asked for a friend. But they came through like a team of princes (or princesses) on their white stallions and saved me from myself.
All it really took to start the tide of change was to know that I wasn't alone. What was a miracle, was the way in each individual held a small piece of the puzzle. Words I needed to hear and absorb to start back to the land of the "living". As little as one small statement, to start the process of turning my thoughts around.
I cannot say this enough!!! Surround yourself with people who make you feel good! People who make you laugh, make you think, that you care about and that care about you. I often said that my exhusband mirrored he last person that he talked to. ''If only'' (I lived in the world of ''ifs'' a lot back then), he could only be around good people, he could have been great.
Those thoughts are about 25 years old or more I can't believe that I had that tidbit of knowing way back then.
What do the people in your life reflect back to you?
P.S. If anyone is interested in this article on courage, please let me know and I'll pass it along. As with a good movie, some things are meant to be shared!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Life Under the Lights
What I have noticed is the expression on my instructors face ... the entire time!! He is smiling, laughing, upbeat ... and even when he is teaching me something, the expression in his voice is encouraging and uplifting.
Man!! If someone followed me around with a camera for even a half hour during my entire day, you wouldn't see even a portion of what I saw, saw and saw again (the bazillions of times I rewound, rewatched, reedited, revised...) in Greg's face. Pure enjoyment.
I have been very conscious of the video cameras presence in my house since I got it and I resolved to live my days with the kids, as though I was being taped. I've had some success, but after watching my dance videos the past few nights ... I know what I want to strive for!!
Yes, we all have our moments. And a half hour is easier to attain than 10 1/2 hours ... but one can still strive for ''one half hour at a time". Hey! Even one minute at a time, some days!
One of "The Secret's" suggestions was when you go to bed, rewind your day in your mind. And the things you could have handled better, rewind the 'tape' in your mind and recreate the event exactly as you would have wanted it to go. "Intentionally create new pictures for your future". That is something that I have to continue to work harder at.
I had a wonderful, wonderful day at work today. Jubliant, confident, enthusiastic and just plain happy. And it seemed that everyone around me was exactly the same ... If that camera had been on me today, it would captured the best in me. Now ... to attain that success on a more regular basis.
Too Much Time on a Saturday Night!
Dancing is (literally) a great way to unwind after a long week ... I wouldn't want it any other way!
The Editing Process
So I decided to include a blooper version as well. This is reality. You stumble before you walk ... you never stop learning (or making mistakes?).
And as you will see, this is why I love my dance lessons and think I have the best instructor out there. Listen to the laughter as we foul up along the way. If you can't laugh and learn from your mistakes ... what fun is there to learning??
The last 2 'bloopers' are from dance showcases and they aren't as obvious because we don't stop and laugh. We just carry on.
And that's the lesson of the day ... we all make mistakes, but we don't have to stop trying ... just pick yourself up and carry on (and laugh if you are able!).
Friday, January 11, 2008
Excerpts From a Dance Lesson
Here's a glimpse at my dance lesson.
What we danced: Fox Trot; Swing; Rumba; Waltz; Cha Cha; Viennese Waltz; Triple Swing and Samba ....
It was fantastic!
Dance Lesson #1
It felt great to walk back through the doors to the dance studio. I felt welcomed, happy and simply glad to be back.
It was like riding a bike ... we just started dancing and danced the 1/2 hour away. Fun! Fun! Fun!!
I wish I had a video editor I understood, because it would be nice to just splice little clips of my lesson together and post it here. I'll work on that...
As I rewatched my lesson (My Youngest taped us every time we danced so I literally got to relive the lesson), what stood out to me was the laughter and light-heartedness. That is exactly what I need in my life.
My Youngest and I went out for a coffee/donut after the lesson and it was simply wonderful to have the time. Not rushing to or from my lesson was great.
I was stretched and stressed to my max when I quit my lessons last February. Now ... I feel relaxed and enthusiastic. A much better recipe for success.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Talking Blog #1
I have this habit of talking too fast at times ... to decipher one of those particular moments, I'll quote it here. ...."The past came up and bit us last night. But ... it's okay ... it didn't 'break the skin' .....".
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
I'm Glad to be a Mom
Wes has given me the best gift tonight and I doubt he realizes it.
The written word. How very powerful. Whether those words are written with love, compassion, anger, forgiveness .... they have such power.
I was blessed tonight.
I've been blessed often, and I actually have 'the written word' by my First and Second Born Sons to remind me of the incredible men they have grown up to be .....
The Words Will Come
Well, it honestly doesn't take a lot to encourage me. Especially since this blog idea has been mulling about in my mind for over a year. To finally have the courage to follow through on it has been amazing. I started on my own, but I am fueled by encouragement.
All of a sudden I have so much to say!! I found myself writing down my thoughts as I was eating my breakfast this morning. I don't want to lose the flow.
What amazes me even more is My Youngest ... last night, he had to delay his bedtime for a few more minutes while he quickly had to ''write down the song he wrote while he was in the bathroom''. I love seeing the creative juices flowing. I must go and ask him if I can see his song.
If you write it ... they will come ...
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The 'MySpace' thing just wasn't working for me. I was looking for a spot to connect with friends, share my stories, videos and pictures. I wasn't looking to meet up with strange men (not that I have anything against anyone who does ... but it is just not what I am looking for at this stage of my life). And that seemed to be what I was finding.
So here I am, sitting in my 'private' little blog and have invited my friends and family to come and join me here if and when they may like. The world is feeling like a smaller place right now as I try to close the gap that time and distance brings to those in my life.
I have sent off 4 'Video Messages' in the past two days and I simply cannot believe the thrill that I get by 'visiting' with people as far off as Yuma and Anchorage ... and I've also 'been' to Regina, Olds and Pambrun today. Wow!! I love technology!!!
When I ordered this 'Flip Video', (what I am now doing is what) I had hoped to have the courage, knowledge and enthusiasm to do, once I got it. New things frighten me - especially all these electronic gadgets. It was about 4 years ago that My Oldest gave me a new DVD player for Christmas and Second Son just laughed and said "She'll never be able to figure out how to use it". I did not only that, but so much more....
Since Dec 29th, I have figured out how to use and download my videos from my Flip Video camcorder; set up a MySpace account and figured out how to download the videos and photos onto it; am starting to figure out a little about the video editing process; I have found a way to email video messages to friends; and now I have set up a blog. Wow!! Now ... all I have left to figure out is how to operate the new CD player for my car that my Second Son got me.
Welcome to my new Blog. If you are here and reading this, I am soooo excited!!!!
What a day. Wow!!!!
Cha Cha Routine from 2006 Dance Showcase
This is a revamped version of the very first routine I ever performed. The 'Cha Cha' is a favorite dance of mine - I think it is because the music is so fun and fast paced.
Viennese Waltz from 2004
The Viennese Waltz is definately my favorite dance. This particular time I danced it, hot on the heals of Kurt and Kayley's jive. I felt pure and utter joy dancing after watching Kurt on the dance floor. A tough act to follow but I didn't care!
Lifes Quiet Days
Sundays are my favorite days. My perfect Sunday is a mix of relaxation, ambition and visiting or talking with family and friends.
By those standards today wasn't half bad. My brain and body are just itching to go onto the next 'project' though, so I'm eager to settle down and figure out what that shall be.
Today's project was to try and figure out how to edit my videos and make 'movies'. I'm not having much luck so far which makes me feel like I've wasted a lot of the hours in this day. Oh well. Through trial and error I should be able to make some progress eventually.
My mind is fast forwarding to getting back into my dance shoes and see where they take me. My first lesson isn't until Friday, so I've got a bit of a wait.
Kids are back to school tomorrow so life shall get back into the regular routine for everyone once again. Holidays are nice, but the return to life as you know it is comforting.
I've been on a 'do' and 'go' mode for the past few days and today after work, I just got to 'coast' for a while. I don't mind coasting for a short restful break. But I don't like to prolong the sensation. Too much of a good thing isn't always the best.
Life is just too quiet sometimes. Tonight is like that.
Life Goes On
I'm taking control of my destiny ... my life ...
I did it! I have booked my dance lesson. And I plan to give this my all, once again. I am going to walk back in those doors full of optimism and a driving desire to do the best I can with what I've got. Again.
I had planned on trying to return to the dance world in November but with Christmas and all the costs and distractions, I put it off. As one month led to the next I wondered if I was ever going to take the plunge again. But as this month dawned and I knew I needed something to motivate and excite me again ... the time was right.
I phoned the studio and left a message first thing yesterday morning so that I got the ball rolling. And as I awaited their return call, I knew more and more that this was the right thing to do and the right time. A friend called before the studio did and I mentioned I was going back to dancing and he was so supportive and assured me that I was a great dancer (he's never seen me dance but he said ''I've seen how you look when you talk about it'' and that my Second Son talks about my dancing without any embarrassment ''... so you have to be good at it...''). Saying this out loud to someone and feeling their encouragement fueled my desire and excitement about this.
Following my instincts. I've been following through on those little whims for several months now, and it has served me very well. Every time (almost every time anyway) I get the notion to pick up the phone and call or email or do something ... I've been doing it. And I dare say that I am running close to a 100% success rate.
When your heart is telling you to do something ... do it!!!!
Time for Change
Okay, I am into the New Year by 3 days. The Christmas rush and season is all but a (good) memory. I need to get motivated again.
I want to dance. I sat down with my budget yesterday and I can afford to dance (for a while anyway). I have watched my dance videos and I want to 'be there' again.
I have had almost no contact with adults for 5 days now. Yes, that is self inflicted. I know how to pick up the phone. If I go back dancing that guarantees me one fun filled half hour per week. Hmmm ... a half an hour. But those feelings of joy from dancing carried me from week to week when I first started dancing.
I need to find something to carry me through these winter days. I think I shall dance...
Back to My Regularly Scheduled Life
After a most wonderful 10 day holiday, I must return to my real world. Truth be told, I'm ready.
After 4 days of being home and almost no adult content in those days ... I'm ready to be around people again. I need to keep busy and I must be striving towards something or some goal to keep my mind healthy.
I got a daily calendar with quotes or inspirations from the book "The Secret" and todays message is to be grateful for every day - good or bad. And to start each day with the intent that it will be a great day and I will be joyful throughout the day (their words are much more poignant).
So I shall have a most wonderful day. I will enjoy the kids and be patient and kind with myself and my words.
It is going to be a great day!
The Ultimate Gift
"The Ultimate Gift" ... All I can say is .... it is a movie worth watching ... and lessons learned worth living.
Without giving away the premise of the movie, the timing to watch a movie that has the power to transform a persons life (if they so choose), was perfect. A new year dawning - a time that is known for making resolutions.
I've never been big on making resolutions myself, but I thought I should write down 'The Gifts' and live my life in a way to attain them. The neat part when I watched this movie, is that last year my life turned in a fashion that I wasn't expecting and these ''gifts'' were sprinkled in among some of my most trying times. They were the reason I picked myself up and carried on. I had never felt more hopeless than I felt last year, but as my ''gifts'' were presented to me I regained strength, a sense of myself and I actually started to dream again.
Friends ... family ... dreams ... That was the focus of 2007. Friends ... family ... dreams ... That is still my focus for 2008. There are many other gifts to strive for and attain.
This is my beginning. It is not the end.
How Much I Don't Know
The more I learn, the more I realize how much I have yet to know ....
I have puttered the day away with this MySpace and FlipVideo. I've got enough knowledge to get me started, but would like to know so much more to put all of this to a better use. My mind is whirling with ideas ... it is nice to have a mind that is busy with things that are fun.
As I watched some of my ballroom dancing, the urge to get back to dancing is returning. With a good part of winter left and no real driving force (that's what I love about Christmas, is that the focus is on others and I push myself out of my shell and am a happier person for it) ... I am toying with the idea of starting back.
What it boils down to is finances. I am still paying back some of my overspending of the past year. Technically I am in the black, but in my reality I must pay back my savings account. Then there is the month-to-month living. The outgo is exceeding the income which is not a good thing.
A new year is on the horizon ... what to do with it?? ... where will it take me?? ... and do I really want to know???
Post Christmas Musings
It has been a 'Christmas of all Christmases' this year. It seems that the spirit of the season enveloped me and touched everything in my life. The entire month seems like it has been one blessing after another. Gatherings with friends and family ... the shared history that makes the simple act of getting together a gift unto itself.
I thoroughly enjoy the Christmas card exchange part of this season. Keeping in touch with friends and family near and far ... finding a unique way to 'tell my story' ... writing to each individual and feeling as though I had just sat down and shared a coffee (though the conversation is a little one sided) ... it inspires me, it envelops me with such a feeling of 'oneness' with this big place called earth. To feel connected to so many, from so many places, and our shared pasts. Hmmm...
I received yet another gift today ... the 'Flip Video' that I ordered before Christmas. As I was awaiting its arrival, I was pondering the ways I could use this to keep a little of that 'spirit of Christmas' and reaching out and 'touching someone' feeling alive all year long. As I stumbled upon 'MySpace' as a method to share my video I found this blog section and the seed of the idea that was planted, is now taking root.
Hopefully this is the beginning of something good ... my 'first video' is just a glimpse as to what this video and video sharing can do ... where can it go from here? .... we'll find out ...


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Review: Believe Like a Child by Paige Dearth
Alessa is just seven years old when her uncle rapes her for the first time. As the years pass, his sexual appetite becomes more voracious and his perversion more twisted, until the abuse has become almost a daily ritual, with the unspoken involvement of the girl's mother.
At the age of sixteen, after the death of her only friend, Alessa finds herself at the mercy of her real-life monster, with no relief in sight. She flees her home to escape this hell, only to find herself descending into a more dangerous one. Alone and helpless in the streets of North Philadelphia, she encounters more human predators who want to take over her life and devour her. About to hit rock bottom, Alessa manages to break away from her new tormentors and finds refuge in a shelter for homeless and abused women.
Wherever she goes, however, trouble keeps seeking her out, until she meets three people who change the course of her life forever. Though Alessa's bittersweet journey is perpetually fraught with challenges, she does, nevertheless, manage to find fleeting moments of joy along the way. But as she begins to settle down, a ghost from the past comes to haunt her again, threatening to destroy the very foundation of her small world and plunging her back into an abyss of despair, until she makes her final bid for escape.
I received this book via Netgalley to give an honest review.
The first thing that got me was the cover. The way it looked I knew it would be heartbreaking, then I read the blurb and knew that this book was not going to go from heartbreaking to happiness. It was going to be tragedy all around.
The book started off powerful. When we start getting into the rape of Alessa and the graphic of it all my heart sank. I literally had to put the book down for a minute on more than one occasion just so I could breath. For any child or hell even a person to go through something like this and still live is just a miracle all itself.
Alessa it seems has had a bad hand dealt to her since she was born. Having to share the same toothbrush without toothpaste with her sister, having hand me down clothes that really don't fit to not being loved by her own mother.
When Alessa finally gets on on her own she thinks she will be okay but it is more of she ends up finding herself in a terrible situation again. She ends up raped on more than one occasion, she is beaten her spirit is broken. But then she sees a light at the end of the tunnel with Ebby. Ebby is a therapist who works at a shelter for young people. She takes Alessa under her wing and tries to build her self-esteem after Alessa finally opens up to what she has had to go through her whole life.
When Alessa literally becomes homeless and learns how the homeless take care of each other it is amazing. Especially when she looks after a young child named Lucy. Lucy has her own sad background and it breaks your heart as well. I think for Alessa Lucy was the one that helped her get through things and made her realize that she can have a better life. Then the unthinkable thing happens to Alessa again she is raped only to save Lucy but this goes far beyond rape.
But the light that comes from this horrible act is that Alessa is able to find happiness by finding a man who loves her despite her past. She meets a man and you would think that they would have a happily ever after happen. Far from it. There is no happy ending with this story. But the ending I thought would come out the way it did and I was glad for the outcome that Alessa had. It shows that she was greatly cared for and touched so many lives. We see how Alessa grows as a person but her past will never leave her no matter what happiness she finds for herself. It is quite sad.
The only thing I would have liked to have known is about Rhonda's mother. She helped Alessa escape and Alessa attempted to stay in touch, but she was never invited to the wedding. She was never told how good Alessa was doing and I wondered why. I wish the author would have added more into the story about that.
This story is raw, disturbing and honestly is not for the faint of heart. This story will tug at your heartstrings and if you have children will make you want to hug them and show them love even more. Because you know that out there is always a child who is being hurt in some way. I think the way this author told the story was greatly done. You could actually feel the feelings that Alessa was going though and it made you want to reach in within the story and give her a hug.
SIGN UP FOR HER NEWSLETTER AT: http://paigedearth.com/the-quarterly-...
Born and raised in Plymouth Meeting, a small town west of Philadelphia, Paige Dearth was a victim of child rape and spent her early years yearning for a better life. To escape the unwanted attentions of her molester, a pedophile uncle who lived with the family, she married at the age of nineteen and moved with her new husband to Chula Vista, California. After two years of marriage during which she struggled to make ends meet, she became pregnant, only to discover that her husband was a heroin addict. Paige waited for the birth of her daughter and when the baby was just eight months old, moved back to Pennsylvania. With no formal education or money to fall back on, she courageously set out to pick up the pieces of her shattered life and make it whole once more.
Living through the fear and isolation of her youth, Paige developed the ability to create stories that would help her cope and finally put them to use by embarking on a series of novels. BELIEVE LIKE A CHILD, the author's debut offering, is the darkest version of who she could have become, had fate not intervened in the nick of time.
WHEN SMILES FADE Paige's second novel is a tale of endurance, perseverance, courage and the overwhelming desire of one child to fight back.
Paige's novels always present a fine balance between what lives on in her imagination and the evil that lurks in the real world.
"When your mind is quiet and you listen closely, you will hear the children weeping silently. If you can't quite hear their cries, then listen with your eyes. These are the children of the streets, who have learned pain and suffering before they ever had a chance to experience life. Do not ignore their cries for help, for all they wish is that you will rescue them. They do not have a family that wants them, they don't know how it feels to be loved and they've never lived anywhere that felt like home…the streets are where they find their voice and relief from all of the suffering.
Just listen and you'll see them."
~Paige Dearth

subset: commoncrawl


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It has been a few days since I last posted. My 30 day experiment is going to take awhile to complete. I did not envision my venture into blogging to be this difficult. I prioritize living life over writing about it, which brings me to the topic of today: lifeblogging, also called lifelogging, lifeglogging, and lifecasting. I had not heard of this prior to yesterday, when my husband mentioned it as a possible blog topic. So, I've done a little research and thought that I would share it with you.
Lifeblogging involves wearing a computer/camera device to capture your life. The images or audio then can be streamed to the Internet. A new device from Memeto for $279 is available this summer and is described on their site as "A tiny, automatic camera and app that gives you a searchable and shareable photographic memory." Other ways that people lifeblog are to record their physical stats, such as steps walked, heart rate, and sleep.
Why would anyone do this? As Francis Bacon said, "Knowledge is power." We can estimate how much time we spend on our various activities, but often we underestimate some activities and overestimate others. By having an exact account, we can see if our lives match up to our expectations and presumably, change them if they don't. For example, I now use a pedometer app, which has encouraged me to walk more.
I wondered though, why would anyone post all of this information. Well, that goes to the question of why does anyone post anything. Facebook, as well as the proliferation of blogs, proves that people want to share. Maybe it is our narcissistic nature. Indeed Facebook, blogs, Instagram, etc, are also widely viewed. In my opinion, this satisfies our voyeuristic natures.
I am not going to lifeblog, at least not at this point. I value my privacy, and I've probably read too many dystopian novels. Would you consider lifeblogging?


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Haven't written anything in ages, the mind has been abit confused and in super thinking mode. Everytime I thought about writing I felt it would come out all wrong so did nothing. Anyway head is sorted in more ways than one from today. I had an appointment at the hairdressers, Lorraine has been at me for over a year to get highlights and colour, so today was the day. The girls are all really nice, and where asking if I was frightened, cheeky, but I was quite cool until I saw the colours, bright yellow and blue!!!!!!!! It was confusing seeing it being put in, had enough tin foil to bake a turkey in my head, but it all worked out really nice. The end result is quite subtle, which is what I was looking for, but you can certainly see the lightness. Lorraine also gave me a trim, and I got tips on blow drying, I felt a million dollars leaving. But the weather here today was awfull and by the time I got home her hardwork was, well not as nice, but I managed to fix it back.
Last Monday it was my GP check-up, Dr M was super as usual, I had been taking my own blood pressure readings, and she changed my pills to include a betablocker each day. Start them tomorrow, and go back to see Dr M a week on Monday. At the appointment I brought up my fears that depression was creeping it's way back, she is concerned about this and talked about increasing anti-depressants, I declined this at the moment. Dr M seems to think I have been through so much in the last 2-3 years emotionally that I might just be a little bit burnt out at the moment. She also feels I set myself too high standards at time, and am too hard on myself, I can see where she is coming from. This Friday sees my last appointment at speach therapy, it will be sad to be finished, but it's now up to me to keep practising and get the pitch up a little more.
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
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One reader's experience one year later.
The 10 Commandments of Gym Style
Dappered Classics: Working out isn't a license to look like hell.
Dappered Classics: The importance of not overthinking your look
Only on the weekends. Only from the Dappered archives.
Style Debate: Wearing a band's t-shirt to their concert
You just can't. But why not? Plus what you can easily wear.
Dappered Classics – The Rules for Sweater Vests
Only on the weekends, only the best products and posts, only from the Dappered.com archives.


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Beautiful accomodations in Keauhou
July 2014
First time to the Big Island and we were fortunate enough to stay in this wonderful property. So comfortable and inviting that we cancelled a couple of our adventure days and stayed and relaxed by the pool instead. Spacious, way more than enough space for our family of four. Interior was open and tastefully decorated. Outside was beautifully landscaped and plenty of fauna (birds and geckos) to keep our boys entertained. Convenient with a Longs and KTA Grocery within walking distance (along with a movie theater and a L&L Drive In if you don't feel like cooking). Heei'a Bay a few houses down and Keauhou Bay (and many activities) down the block. Ed was very accessible and accommodating and a pleasure to talk to. We will certainly be back.
July 2014
Luxury 3 BR/3 BA by Keauhou Bay


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Robert Browning (picture of the lovely portrait by Dante Gabriel Rossetti from here) is best known these days for his romantic elopement with Elizabeth Barrett & their life together in Italy. The critical reception of his poem, Sordello, almost destroyed his reputation but, in the 1850s, he published Men & Women, a series of dramatic monologues & poems written after his marriage. This collection marked the beginning of his rise in reputation. Browning's dramatic monolgues are my favourites of his work & this one, My Last Duchess, has been a favourite since I studied it at school. I love the way Browning exposes the speaker so completely, just through his own words. The whole history of this marriage is there. The Duke's pride, his jealous possession of his Duchess, the mystery about the Duchess's fate, "then all smiles stopped together." The warning to his companion, the envoy from the father of another young woman who may become the next Duchess, is so subtle but chilling. If I'd been that envoy, I'd have run back to my master at top speed & advised him to look for another alliance!
That's my last Duchess painted on the wall,
Looking as if she were alive. I call
That piece a wonder, now: Fra Pandolf's hands
Worked busily a day, and there she stands.
Will't please you sit and look at her? I said
Fra Pandolf by design, for never read
Strangers like you that pictured countenance,
The depth and passion of its earnest glance,
But to myself they turned (since none puts by
The curtain I have drawn for you, but I)
And seemed as they would ask me, if they durst,
How such a glance came there; so, not the first
Are you to turn and ask thus. Sir, 't was not
Her husband's presence only, called that spot
Of joy into the Duchess' cheek: perhaps
Fra Pandolf chanced to say, 'Her mantle laps
Over my lady's wrist too much,' or 'Paint
Much never hope to reproduce the faint
Half-flush that dies along her throat:' such stuff
Was courtesy, she thought, and cause enough
For calling up that spot of joy. She had
A heart – how shall I say? – too soon made glad,
Too easily impressed; she liked whate'er
She looked on, and her looks went everywhere.
Sir, 't was all one! My favour at her breast,
The dropping of the daylight in the West,
The bough of cherries some officious fool
Broke in the orchard for her, the white mule
She rode with round the terrace – all and each
Would draw from her alike the approving speech
Or blush, at least. She thanked men, – good! but thanked
Somehow – I know not how – as if she ranked
My gift of a nine-hundred-years-old name
With anybody's gift. Who'd stoop to blame
This sort of trifling? Even had you skill
In speech – (which I have not) – to make your will
Quite clear to such an one, and say, 'Just this
Or that in you disgusts me; here you miss,
Or there exceed the mark' – and if she let
Herself be lessoned so, nor plainly set
Her wits to yours, forsooth, and made excuse,
-E'en then would be some stooping; and I choose
Never to stoop. Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,
Whene'er I passed her; but who passed without
Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;
Then all smiles stopped together. There she stands
As if alive. Will 't please you rise? We'll meet
The company below then. I repeat,
The Count your master's known munificence
Is ample warrant that no just pretence
Of mine for dowry will be disallowed;
Though his fair daughter's self, as I avowed
At starting, is my object. Nay, we'll go
Together down, sir. Notice Neptune, though,
Taming a sea-horse, thought a rarity,
Which Claus of Innsbruck cast in bronze for me!


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I have been completely amazed by how successful the behavior charts have been that I started with my kidlets yesterday! Now, I know that it has only been two days (I'm not naive...I realize that we are in the honeymoon phase), but Princess A and Deedle have really responded to them! I made a HUGE deal about introducing them yesterday morning before school, and Deedle told his daycare provider about his "behave" chart as soon as he walked in her door. Last night, before bed, I had the kids choose stickers to add to their charts and they put them on their charts by themselves. I guess it's fair to say that they are invested in the process! In fact, when our loyal-but-completely-driven-by-instinct Border Collie, Kin, tried to herd Princess A tonight while we were having a dance party and nipped her back, Deedle immediately went to her, hugged and kissed her, and said, "I hope you feel better!" Aw! I am especially grateful that the charts are effective because KShaf has had to work for the past four nights. The kids have seen him for half an hour in the past 48 hours, and I'm not sure who is having a harder time with the separation: KShaf or the kids!. If I had to single parent two unmanageable kids for four straight days, I'd lose my mind!
My teammate, SpurDog, developed a writing lesson this week to assess the students' ability to write a descriptive piece. She introduced the writing process (using a combination of language from the Craft Plus and 6+1 Writing Traits writing programs), so I created a set of posters to support the lessons that SpurDog wrote. Click below to grab them in my TPT store!


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Found this gem on the net the other day. Can't believe I have never seen it before but it seems to be created by Daniel Asher Harman. There is a ton of reference compiled on here and it looks like there is a good group of subscribers that contribute. Titled properly AniRef.
So check it out some ref, contribute some ref and enjoy!


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|Still from Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Like its first two installments, Paramount Pictures' Transformers: Dark of the Moon takes the top spot at the Box Office this holiday weekend with $97 million over three days (Friday to Sunday). Opening in 4,013 theatres, the Sci-fi Action Film trails Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen which opened with $109 million back in October 2009, but bests the original Transformers which opened with $70 million in November 2007. Maybe this third Film in the Series didn't need Megan Fox that much after all?
Disney's Cars 2 performs well in its second week of release with $24.7 million from 4,115 theatres. To-date it is earned $121 million in North America, ahead of Sony Pictures' Comedy Bad Teacher which in its second week also brings in $14 million.
Larry Crowne debuts disappointingly in fourth spot for Universal Pictures (Alliance Films in Canada), earning $13.5 million. The Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts-headlined Rom-Com hasn't fared well overall with Critics, garnering 34% on Rotten Tomatoes' Tomatometer.
20th Century Fox's Monte Carlo starring Selena Gomez, Leighton Meester and Katie Cassidy could only manage a fifth-place debut with $7.5 million. Despite a 40% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, CinemaScore has given the Film an A grade.
Easily Woody Allen's biggest Box Office success in years, Midnight in Paris still clings on to the Top Ten in ninth spot with $3.5 million from 951 theatres, just ahead of a resilient Bridesmaids in tenth with $3.3 million. Bridesmaids in eight weeks of release, has earned $153.4 million for Universal Pictures, making it Director/Writer Judd Apatow's highest-grossing Film ever.


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If you're not abusing chained redirect URLs or don't have a really slow server it shouldn't affect your campaigns. On the other hand, if you have a really high speed page load, you might have the pleasant surprise of paying a little less for the clicks.
For now, only the HTML code downloading time is measured but Google intends to take into account all page elements soon. Another reason to choose carefully the landing pages or create dedicated ones.


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The minute EV is equipped with air-conditioning and comes with a five-year warranty (or 60,000 miles/100,000km – whichever occurs first).
The City has a range of 100 miles (160km) on a single charge. While the City will go on sale across Europe, UK sales will start some time in 2011. Before you order one, think about the City's eye-watering, bank-breaking £23,500 price-tag.


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Saturday, September 17, 2016
Loving Our Babies
I just love this squishy little guy. I admit, I had a hard time during my pregnancy with the idea that I was having another child. I love my children and I knew I would love this baby too, but I really didn't want any more kids because I was already feeling quite overwhelmed with the six I had plus my sixth is a major handful and there are many, many days that I wish I could put her in a strait jacket.
But this chunk of chubbiness has absolutely stolen my heart (for the seventh time). He is just such a sweet baby. He's happy almost all the time and so fascinated by the world around him. He loves his Spider-man and several other toys to the point that when we show him the toy, he gets excited and laughs and waves his hands around. I absolutely love listening to the older kids making him laugh--it has to be one of my most favorite sounds in the world.
With this baby, I have done a lot of thinking. It seems these days that hardly a day goes by without some news story popping up on my social media feed about some parent or step-parent or boyfriend of a mom abusing some baby or toddler. These stories break my heart and make me feel both sad and angry at the same time.
There are times when my little one won't stop crying and fussing. He's sick or tired or hungry or bored or all of the above. He wants my undivided attention, which is often hard to give him with all the chaos in our house. There are times that his cries are maddening to listen to, but then when I pick him up to see what he might need, he instantly calms. His chubby little hands grip my arm or my neck or my face and he pulls me close and gives me a slobbery tongue kiss (yes, that's what I call it because he sticks his tongue out, but I'm pretty certain he's trying to kiss us).
He relies on us for EVERYTHING. These little ones come to us not even able to hold up their own heads or control their own bodies. Unlike other animals in the animal kingdom, human babies are completely reliant on their parents to take care of them. They have to be held, fed, and changed. They have to have social interaction to learn social cues and develop an understanding of human emotions and behavior. Other animals can find their own food, walk on their own, and aren't as reliant on the parent for as long when they are babies. But human babies take a year or more to learn to walk, months to hold up their heads, roll around, scoot and crawl. Even grasping small items takes months and feeding themselves can take more than a year, sometimes two.
Why do you suppose that these little humans come to us with such neediness? I have always believed (ever since I took a child development class in college) that human babies come to us this way to force us to love them and care for them and learn to serve them. If they came to us already doing all those things, we could easily let them fend for themselves, but because they rely on us for everything, we are forced to take care of them.
Every time I start to feel annoyed or anxious because I don't know why my baby is fussing, I try to remember that he just needs me. There will be a time he won't need me as much but right now, I can hold him in my rocking chair during the night if he has an upset tummy and let him sleep on my shoulder. I can snuggle with him instead of washing the dishes because he needs me right then. He needs a diaper change, a bottle, or just to be held and played with, so it's my job as his parent to provide that for him. When I chose to have a child, I chose to be his caretaker and provider and make sure that he has what he needs from me. Heavenly Father intended it to be this way. It's all part of His plan.
And who can resist? Look at those chubby cheeks and fat little hands!
Posted by JennaK at 8:05 PM
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Labels: everyday life, Gospel, parenting
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