text:
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23453515870976263332018-05-29T15:12:09.687+10:00LALHEZARLalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-36528361562087468772015-10-06T19:35:00.001+11:002015-10-06T19:35:35.701+11:00

Diamond no 2Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-65652703253535161182015-10-04T15:52:00.000+11:002015-10-04T15:52:52.268+11:00

Diamond no 1

This is a diamond shape for a crazy quilt I am currently pieceing
together. This is what I have been doing for the past 2/3 years.

Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-22298478190213396632012-07-21T14:52:00.003+10:002012-07-21T14:52:55.417+10:00
New Puff purses

Over the time I have been absent from the embroidery blogging world I have been working on making what I call "puff purses". They are only small, usually fitted with an 9-11 centimetre metal purse frame,

and occasionally with even smaller frames.

I use my own hand dyed fabrics, laces, braids, ribbons and even the threads can be dyed by me although I have to admit that I mostly buy the threads because I fear if I use my own too often there will be too much conformity. I have my favourite thread suppliers who do dye their own threads and these seem to complement my own dyed bits and pieces.

I never commence with a plan or design for a purse but rely on finding inspiration from the bits and pieces that go together well and ideas that are floating in my head at the time. In this case I was inspired by a small piece of embroidery I used in something else.

The last few purses have included suffolk puffs that I then embellish as I add them to the base work. I also use a beads to highlight and glitter the embroidery. Here is one purse. Picture 1 shows the embroidery when completed but before it is put on the frame. Pictures 2 and 3 show each side of the purse after it is completed.

Sorry about the photography I am no expert and have changed both cameras and computers since I last did digital photography and it shows.

Hope you enjoy the work

Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-30662142065585590032012-07-10T14:08:00.000+10:002012-07-10T14:08:49.043+10:00Honfleur at the mouth of the River Seine, France

Have you been to Honfleur? If you have, I hope the following photos will bring back some lovely memories. If you have not, then perhaps these photos will entice you to go sometime in the future.

It is the sweetest little town with a population of around 10,000 people but has 3 million visitors each year and, I have read, is the third most visited town in France. It was painted by many of the french impressionists such as Monet, Courbet, Boudin, Corot and Sisley who used to visit to paint its atmosphere and people in the 19th century.

Luckily it escaped the bombing of the second world war and retains many of its original lovely little buildings, some dating from around 300 years ago, made of post and beam (I think) construction.

There are many narrow streets, where you can peer into small court yards and other nooks and crannies, and are lovely to wander around. In one of the court yards I saw had an old-fashioned style caravan parked in it, although it is a bit difficult to see under all that covering.

There is a lovely park by the river's edge you can walk through and a "promenade" along the side of the river. When we were there we went for a "promenade sûr mer" (literally a walk on water) but actually a boat ride out through the lock onto the river and under the Pont de Normandie. This is the boat.

The Pont de Normandie is very interesting bridge to look because it appears so fragile yet is so strong. I took quite a few photos. Here are a couple of them.

This one is from quite a distance so you can see its length and height and the lightness of appearance on the landscape.

This one shows its strength and durability.

The real heart of Honfleur is the "old marina" in the centre of town. We were there in November so there were not huge numbers of boats but I believe in summer it is full as are the cafes and restaurants that line the sides of the marina. I don't think I would like it so much at that time of the year as I am not enamoured of crowds.

There is also a beautiful wooden church, St Catherine's, with a belfry that is separate to the main church, in the central place of the town. Unfortunately, the day I visited it was armistice day, ie 11 November, and there was a remembrance church service taking place. I thought it was not appropriate to take photos under these circumstances.

Finally, we had to eat "moules normandie" and I have to say they were the best mussels I have ever eaten - small but so tender and delicious but I didn't take any photos so you will just have to imagine how good they were.

Hope you enjoy the promenade through Honfleur.

Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-31448574722118074222012-07-03T20:16:00.002+10:002012-07-03T20:16:17.127+10:00

I know I haven't posted any of my embroidery for over two years but that doesn't mean I have been doing nothing. I have joined a crazy patchwork group which meets once a fortnight and have been working on new ideas.

This piece of piece of embroidery is made with fabrics and threads that I hand dyed with procion dyes and I will make it into a small puff purse. I will try to do this shortly but I am having a lot of problems with my hands at the moment (it is winter in Australia and the cold makes them much worse). When I get the purse finished I will post the finished product.

In the meantime I enclose a photo of another purse that is finished.

Hope you enjoy looking at these items

Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-78541668806086149452012-05-14T09:04:00.000+10:002012-05-14T09:04:21.593+10:00Metal lace in AustraliaWriting about metal structure surrounding the Ministry of Culture and Communications in Paris in my last post brought to mind the use of metal lace in buildings in Australia. First examples that came to mind were the terrace houses in inner city Sydney and Melbourne building in the late 19 century. When these houses were built wrought iron lace was very popular and much use was made of it in their decoration. These houses continue to be very popular and fetch good prices in the real estate market.

The following link will tell you all about them.

http://sydney-eye.blogspot.com.au/2009/09/wrought-iron-lace-work.html

Then I tried to think of some examples of modern metal lace but the only one of I could think of was the Australian Coat of Arms that sits above the main entrance to Parliament House in Canberra. It is made from stainless steel and made specifically for the building which opened in 1988. You can see a photo of the Coat of Arms at  http://members.virtualtourist.com/m/p/m/1f3675/

It seems ironic, when comparing the metal structure on the a traditional building in Paris with the metal structure on a modern building in Australia, the Australian metal lace has a traditional feel while that of the traditional building in Paris has a modern feel to it.

Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-49896016172789184572012-01-21T12:03:00.021+11:002012-02-29T17:36:05.598+11:00Ministry of Culture and Communication Building in Paris

I am going to start my new focus blog, with these photos I recently took of the building which houses the french Ministry of Culture and Communication in Paris. The Ministry's role is to oversee the artistic and cultural heritage of France.

When looking for photos to include in this post I realised I didn't have one that includes the whole building. If you would like to see a picture of the full building go to

http://www.mimoa.eu/projects/France/Paris/Minist%E8re%20de%20la%20Culture

The building is located at 182 rue St Honoré very close to the Comèdie Française and the Palais Royale and is a five minute walk from the Louvre. The building has been formed by joining and renovating several buildings, including the Vaudoyer Building, a former warehouse on the rue St Honoré and another on rue Montesquieu.

The architect who undertook the exterior work to integrate the two buildings was Francois Soler. In his short outline describing his goals when doing the design work, Soler said that the new building is intended to be a blend of different values under the one banner, displaying equal enthusiasm for all arts through all historical periods and giving them equal importance.

I assume that the incorporation of several traditional looking buildings within a contemporary looking exterior metal (resille work) structure, is a visual metaphor for the bringing together of the various responsibilities of the Ministry in preserving the heritage of France.

I know Paris does have modern buildings in places like La Defence but in this part of Paris most buildings are very traditional in style. From my point of view I liked the concept of reinvigorating these traditional buildings in city of traditional buildings in a modern and original way. I particularly like the intricate nature of the metal work and the way it glints and shines as the light hits it. I also suspect it appealed to me because it reminds me of lace and also seems to reference the art nouveau period reminding me of Parisian metro entrances.

You can see a picture of paris metro entrances at this link: http://www.parislogue.com/featured-articles/the-most-beautiful-metro-stations-in-paris.html

I feel that the architect has taken very traditional concepts such as old buildings, metal lace and art nouveau design ideas and created a building with a wonderfully contemporary feel to it.

If anyone has any more information on this building I would love to hear about it.

Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-3473007829421701022012-01-19T16:12:00.016+11:002012-02-26T09:49:55.817+11:00A new beginningI haven't written anything for this blog for quite some time - well over two years, although this doesn't mean I have been doing nothing. I have followed many blogs over this time looking at the things that people do that interest me such as embroidery and beading, antiques and art. I also follow a number of blogs that tell stories about Paris my favourite city after home - the city of history, art, food, beauty and much, much more.

Nor have I been slow in making and doing things during my absence from blogland. I have been doing watercolour classes, french language classes, dyeing fabric, embroidery and beading. I have joined a local crazy patchwork group and learnt to use my embroidery skills in a new way.

This break has also given me time to think about the next few years of my creative and cultural life and what I would like to achieve. I have decided to change the focus of this blog to have a broader focus than simply embroidery, beading and paper arts. Of course I will still include these on my blog, but much as I love them, I also want to write about the other great loves in my life, french art, culture and history, language, food and, of course, Paris.

 I am no expert on any of these subjects - I have some spoken french, enough to buy something in a shop, although I don't always get my message across. My reading and writing is improving and I enjoy expanding my knowledge of the language. I know I like eating food in Paris but I cannot say I am very knowledgeable about french cooking and how to do it properly. I also like reading books about France, its history, artists, philosphers, writers and culture.

However, doing the writing myself, is an altogether another matter. Many people over the centuries, especially in the last several hundred years, have fallen in love with Paris and, of course it has been written about, painted and photographed without end. I am sure I could say very little that hasn't been already said by those considerably more erudite and talented than myself.

However I would like to try to bring a different perspective to the subject. Being an Australian who lives so far away from europe and french culture in particular I am fascinated by the contrast between a country where tradition, history and culture seem to be part of day to day living and my country where everything is new and traditions are almost a moveable feast.

Of course Australia does have its own history and traditions and we are trying to preserve them, for example some inner city parts of Sydney and Melbourne have been protected against developers. Also we are trying to develop our own cultural traditions. Australia Day is a good example where public events are encouraged to celebrate the beginning of Australia as a modern nation. Yet, in my lifetime I have seen many changes and much that was accepted as a given during my childhood seems to have disappeared. What I like about Paris is how they introduce modern ideas but continue to live with and alongside the old.

I have decided to include my little part of Australia. Canberra is an unique area because it is a very modern city surrounded by national parks and many rural villages and towns. It is also within easy reach of the east coast and its beautiful beaches of which there are dozens and the snowfields of New South Wales. It has a natural beauty that is so completely different from anything I have seen in France or Europe. Although the landscape has been changed a lot since the first white people arrived 200 years ago, nonetheless, the hand of humankind has not changed it in the same way as the french or the english countryside.

So over the next few weeks I am going to begin this blog again. It will be a slow process because I have changed computers from PC to Mac and also changed digital cameras and need to learn how to make my pictures end up where I want them on the blog - so far verything I have tried so far has not worked So bear with me it is going to be a learning experience. Look out for my next post where I talk about the Ministry of Culture and Communication in Paris.

Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-68477188381848519162009-08-18T16:33:00.002+10:002009-08-18T16:52:07.412+10:00Wise Women Bookmarks

It is only a few weeks to the Annual Exhibition of my local Embroiderer's Guild. I have been spending time finishing off my entries including these Wise Women bookmarks. I have made a total of 12 of these beaded bookmarks. They are easy to make and I get to use up all my odd left over beads.

Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-56816910113759717472009-08-17T09:37:00.002+10:002009-08-17T10:34:14.800+10:00Mosaic cards

Last week was the monthly meeting of  the Paper Ars group I belong to. We made paper mosaics from handmade papers we had completed in the past. I really enjoyed doing it so when I got home I made some additional sheets of mosaics. The method is to cut the handmade paper into strips and place the strips on jac paper (double sided sticky paper) and then glue strips of cord beween the strips of paper (or paint from a tube with a fine tip point). When this is dry cut the strips in the opposite direction and then place these strips with the other side of the sticky paper removed onto card and again put strips of cord or paint between strips of paper.

After I completed the sheets of moasics I then cut out shapes and made these cards . I was very happy with the result. Hope you like them

Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-72691948566418059122009-07-13T17:22:00.006+10:002009-07-13T17:39:57.852+10:00ATC Swap

Today I received two very beautiful ATC's from Solange Bonnet and they came beautifully wrapped (see picture 3). I really love them both - the colours are lovely , as is the design and the quality of the work is outstanding. Thank you so much Solange. I love them

Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-86965301052148090512009-07-01T15:44:00.002+10:002009-07-01T16:00:55.172+10:00Journalling pages

 I have been experimenting with journalling and here are my first attempts. I am not especially happy with the results as they really don't tell you very much. I like the colours but I would also like them to speak out with a story and they do not do this. Next time maybe.

Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-14326979658413495072009-06-26T16:25:00.002+10:002009-06-26T16:38:01.602+10:00Stencils

 As part of the course I am doing I had to make a stencil. To do this I downloaded a photo of a wrought iron window grill and printed it out. I then cut around the part of the picture I wanted to use and then traced that onto freezer paper. Once the stencil was made I placed it on black paper and sprayed it with Moon Shadow Mist (see the second picture). I also used the stencil for other activities and when I was finished it looked almost like wrought iron itself. I then rubbed it with oil pastels, more spraying and goldfinger rub on. Finally I found the white backing of an old dinner napkin that I had used to soak up left over paint and put it under the stencil. This is the finished stencil in picture one. I thought they both finished up quite well although they look quite different from each other.

Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-33924400466188109372009-06-23T16:39:00.002+10:002009-06-23T16:48:56.124+10:00Collage Patisseries

I love taking photos of the patisserie shop windows in Paris and have been experimenting with using them as a basis for my art work. This collage was made using magazine pages cut into small pieces and glued to make the pastries. The background was done with soft pastels, shaded in to give perspective and depth. I was quite pleased with end result.
Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-4472195595068938032009-06-21T17:22:00.002+10:002009-06-21T17:31:51.985+10:00Background for Embroidery

Another of my projects over the past couple of weeks has been to make this background. I painted a piece of Vsieflix (Bondaweb) with acrylic paint and when it was dry ironed it to a piece of dark purple felt. I then took pieces of different coloured organza and cut them into strips and turned the heat gun on them to distort into small and odd shapes. I then arranged them on the vsieflix and ironed them on. I then covered all this with a piece of white organza. Then I used the heat gun to burn back the white organza. Finally I ironed a chiffon scarf over the top. I have yet to decide exactly what embroidery I will do but I think it will be a landscape type of thing.
Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-11734380783196660832009-06-20T12:18:00.002+10:002009-06-20T12:24:42.164+10:00Birds
Here is a piece of work I did for my creative sketchbooks course. It is a collage made using my hand coloured paper torn up into little pieces. I drew the birds on paper and used Japanese brush and inks to paint the branches. Then I glued the coloured pieces of paper onto the drawings. It was a really good thing to do and I am going to take this idea further in the next few weeks.Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-9888588536130155122009-06-19T16:24:00.003+10:002009-06-19T16:39:39.917+10:00Faux Encaustic ATCs

Now that my digital camera has returned from its trip to England (along with my husband) I have been busy taking photos of things I have done over the last couple of weeks. One of these is making ATCs using the faux encaustic technique by covering the bottom of an old iron with aluminium foil and drawing on the foil with wax crayons.

A few weeks ago our Paper Arts Group had experimented with this technique and I decided to do more, this time, on black paper to see the effect. Here is the finished product.

Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-32187123929468584522009-06-04T20:22:00.004+10:002009-06-04T20:43:38.656+10:00More Necklaces

I have also been busy making coloured papers but I cannot show any at the moment because my husband has gone to England for a couple of weeks and taken the digital camera with him. I shall have to wait until he returns before I can photograph and then post them. In the meantime here are several more of the necklaces I have been making.

Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-3281684130548646292009-05-28T15:27:00.002+10:002009-05-28T15:37:38.280+10:00

The day Doreen and I went to Bredbo to take pictures (see my earlier blog a couple of months back) we took lots of them (of course). Here are two more.

Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-35447285337925853222009-05-27T18:41:00.003+10:002009-05-27T18:54:14.958+10:00More necklaces

I have been busy making beaded necklaces for the last few weeks. These are just three of them. I have managed to sell a few and, given a few away to family (my daughter and grandaughter). I am planning to enter some in this year's annual exhibition of my local Embroiderer's Guild. I love getting the beads together choosing which beads go to make necklaces that are so different from each others even though the technique remains the same. It is very interesting to see how a change of bead size, shape and colour can make an original necklace.

Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-67131341678798093932009-05-07T09:42:00.003+10:002009-05-07T09:58:52.704+10:00Mythical Creatures

This little creature is one I drew for the drawing class I am attending. We were asked to draw a mythical creature and I decided I would do an underwater creature. After drawing we were asked to colour it. I used my Koh I Nor watercolours. I love these paints as their colours are so beautiful and the clarity of the colour is outstanding. I really enjoyed this activity and can see how they might be used in my textile work.
Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-74364271778961002462009-04-17T21:21:00.002+10:002009-04-17T21:26:51.134+10:00Beading

In addition to my felting and dyeing I have had a blitz on making beaded necklaces. So far I have made six. These photos show two of them. I will add the others to the blog shortly.

Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-40891510173154557262009-04-17T20:59:00.003+10:002009-04-17T21:21:31.165+10:00Dyeing and Felting

I am participating in the Creative Challenge for the Canberra Embroiderer's Guild annual exhibition later this year. The brief for the challenge is to use running stitch on a piece of fabric no large than fat quarter size to make a three dimension item. I have dyed two pieces of silk georgette, one of which I then felted (see Picture One). I based the colour scheme on the Australian King Parrot which has distinctive colouring of almost irridescent green head and wings and a bright scarlet body. I now have to do the stitching and turn it into something - I think I will make a bag. I still have to decide what I will do with the second piece of fabric which is not yet felted. Maybe I could make a nice scarf to go with the bag.
Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-10536820839430593292009-03-26T17:17:00.002+11:002009-03-26T17:28:33.879+11:00Creative Sketchbooks

Part of my most recent work for this course was to draw several sketches from a plant source. This is my work. (pictures 1 and 2 show my sketches) and picture 3 is an image of the original eucalyptus leaves and nuts. This course is really interesting and challenging but doesn't make you feel that you cannot do it. I know my drawing has to improve but nonetheless I feel this was a reasonable attempt for a learner.

Lalhezarhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-2345351587097626333.post-59687105256076396962009-03-24T18:15:00.002+11:002009-03-24T18:22:26.998+11:00Preserving

My husband Alf is a keen vegetable grower and here is his latest lot of tomatoes, capsicums and zucchini - turned into a sauce and preserved for winter. Don't they look good - it makes you want winter to arrive quickly - which in Australia it is not far away.
Lalhezarhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com


text:
Drawing and manipulating your own art can be so therapeutic. Drawing is so calming, and then painting your drawing brings out the icing of deliciousness. And when my mind is too tired to play but will not cease from exploration, I manipulate it and channel Van Gogh with photo/art apps on my IPAD later in the evening.
Then I dream of art. ART is not cheap therapy. It is priceless therapy.
|AutoPainter HD
You may be moody and blue and then the next page, you can draw a spring bunny.
|First page in my new art journal. I'm now on #11
|AutoPainter HD
|Picnik (soon to be extinct) and I blew this up to 36 X 42 and pixels held true at Office Max and framed it in white metal
Or take a neices' dear photograph and make it into artwork for her Dad (my brother).
It made a nice house-warming gift.
I don't know what I was feeling when I painted this onery bird and a sweet dog?
and added BRAVE words. I know many people struggling with hard things right now.
IN my own little art world:
things can change in an instant.
Change can be good. Change can expand my boundaries.
I free things from my own limitations.
I go high, low, under or over or all around.
I am an explorer.
I am completely free to fly or free-fall.
It is a good place...always.
go play, you'll see.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
ListenOn Pirate Radio
About This Show
An independent music-review podcast hosted by Rory Matthews and John Perea of listenon.org. With John in Los Angeles and Rory in Berkeley, CA, this bi-weekly show covers a wide range of artists and styles. Frequently includes hip hop, indie/acoustic, electronic, R&B/soul, jazz, funk and rock. The main focus of the show is to highlight underground artists with standout material, although a few big names usually pop up as well.Read more »


text: Full_Name: Hallvard B. Furuseth Version: HEAD OS: Solaris URL: Submission from: (NULL) (184.108.40.206) include/ac/localize.h breaks back-perl: - The definition # define setlocale(c,l) /* empty */ breaks the declaration of setlocale() in <locale.h>. Fix: To conditionally define setlocale, #define something like ldap_pvt_setlocale() instead, and call that instead of setlocale in clients/tools/common.c. - ac/localize.h #defines the macro `_', which Perl uses for prototypes. The simplest fix is to move #include <ac/localize.h> out of portable.h and into the files that need it, and if it is later used in back-perl, to put it after the Perl #include files with `#undef _' in front of it. If that's unacceptable, another fix *at the moment* is to put `#undef _' after `#include "portable.h"' in back-perl/*.c. I expect that's insufficient in the long run since back-perl then can't be localized properly. One fix which apparently would not work is to move #include "asperl_undefs.h" #include <EXTERN.h> #include <perl.h> in front of the other #include files, followed by `#undef _'. The problem with this is that asperl_undefs.h does an #ifdef on HAVE_WIN32_ASPERL, which it claims is #defined in portable.h. However, I can't find it in portable.h or any other file. Are this symbol and asperl_undefs.h obsolete, or has the support for them been lost and should be reinstated?


text:
Monday, October 31, 2011
Journal 85 Burn Out
And it's not getting any better or going away.
It's getting worse and it's getting bigger.
As I emailed L. today, and emailed my sister, recent events surrounding issues with my family, etc, have caused me to ask, Do I have a black cloud following me around?
I am just not even close to being ready to deal with all of this in terms of the death and detrius of one parent, and the looking after (ie, parenting) the other parent.
I'm really trying (and by trying I mean watching trash
tv every night, drinking too much chardonnay, falling asleep,
then getting up at about 4 for no reason) but I've reached a bit of an impasse where I truly have lost sight of what I can do for solving these problems. It's like my bag-o-tricks in empty.
I try to keep a clear head, but this isn't the kind of stuff you
talk about with 'people' you know. This is the kind of stuff that sometimes you can't even talk to about to your closest friends. And another thing, most of my friends have alot of happy stuff going on right now, and I hate being that 'wet blanket'. And then I remind myself that I have had different sorts of challenges than most people I know, and I have different ways of dealing with said challenges (my favourite being social isolation and bottling things up; pardon the pun).
Yes. I do believe in God, I do. But jeez. He just doesn't make
it easy sometimes. However, I know that a life with a bunch
of scoops of vanilla ice cream isn't for me. And as I read on another
blog this week, these times of trial are how you go from "bland"
in life to "Oscar-worthy". Not that I agree with most of the nominations
(or understand them). But once in a while, they choose a gem.
Is my life a gemstone? A hard rock (not a diamond) right now.
Rocky, uphill, and hard.
And I'm engaged. Should be the happiest time of my life.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Journal 84 The kind of marriage I want
You smile, your eyes become my sweetest dream of you.
Oh, sweetest love,
My heart is not a beat away from you.
--Harold Pinter, love note to Antonia Fraser
"There was nothing I did not discuss with John."
--Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking
Though both the women in the above photos, Lady Antonia Fraser (whose diary-style I decided to imitate when I began this year to title most of my posts as Journal and then a number, chronologically arranging them); and Joan Didion, are now widows after long (33 and 40 years respectively) marriages to men who were also writers, I idolize their
I idolize them as people, as real adults, the type of real adult I aspire to be everyday, who doesn't behave like a Real Housewife, who doesn't make fellow human beings feel like pieces of furniture, or like they are housepets.
I often worry, in this 'age of insanity' (age of inanity) the one we, as a collection of generations are destined to be living in (God help me) that these adults are dinosaurs.
Well, I want to be a dinosaur. I want to enjoy cocktail hour after a solemn day at work, one where thoughts were important. I want to discuss my day with my husband and hear about his; I want to work with him on solving all the worlds' problems over dinner together.
From what I have read, that is what these couples did.
Oh, and they were soulmates, and madly in love.
That I already have, and that fire I will continue to stoke.
To being a real adult, and the mantle of responsibility it entails.
"Christ, you know it ain't easy"
--The Ballad of John and Yoko
(they had their issues, yes, but God they also had some fun with the world, didn't they?)
When interviewed by Vogue in the age issue a few years ago she said "your life is not "up there"--your life is all around you". She was talking about how people in New York would go to the outside of her apartment building to look for her and that they would say "she's up there!" and she, Yoko, would be standing right behind them.
Something we should all remember.
Journal 82 This Weekend
It's like the weather--Thanksgiving Monday I was roof top bound, donning my bikini one last time, reading in the sun, and there was a period of this week where we didn't see the sun for days. And Friday dawned, cool, and clear, the trees starting to show bare. My friend A. was here Friday night, visiting ( I think for both of us the 'highlight' of fall, a little oasis in a pair of busy lives; when I think I am busy I think of her and need to give myself a shake). So Friday night was about conversation, soul-searching, reflecting, and looking at not only our adult lives, since we've known each other (coming up to the tune of almost twenty years), but also all those big-life things: love, death, change, aging. Facing life on life's terms, the things you just 'know' and the things that you weigh in on with all that you have, and still don't get an answer back.
We hit the AGO Saturday am, after staying up talking, tarot-reading, (drinking) Friday night. There is a Chagall exhibit on until January of next year, and it was definitely worth taking in.
Then there were the posturing 'Toronto types' doing their thang at the gallery--always entertaining. One of the features of the exhibit was a small table with pencils and square pieces of paper for the patrons/visitors to express where they felt their favourite place was--you could write something, sketch something, and then leave it behind for others to look at. I was fascinated by this. It was inspired by Chagall's love for his homeland, a place he was quasi-exiled from in his early adulthood. I thought about my favourite place, and various things popped up in my head, all of them, as the majority of the pieces left at the table represented--physical places, towns, cities, countries. I wonder, though, if the emotional places that people may have come up with were too personal, painful, to really share? A favourite place can relate to many things, on an emotional level. A time in ones life, a moment with someone, a special day, all of those things count. I thought about a favourite place for myself, and really, it is usually one where I am in that ideal headspace--my mind isn't tricking me into castatrophe thinking, I'm not 'creating a worry'...I'm just in the moment, I'm running, or I'm reading, or I'm deep in conversation. Those are some favourites of mine, just skimming the surface for now.
Saturday lunch was at a pub across from the gallery with a waiter who had a personality all his own, pub-fare lunch, bad coffee, then a walk back through the oddly-empty Toronto streets, then A. grabbing a cab to the airport to get back home early Saturday afternoon.
I was in my apartment, sunshine streaming in, pleasantly tired, cleaning up and putting dishes away, doing laundry, and really, not much of anything else.
I walked to the grocery store a few hours later, the sky darkening with clouds, (no rain though) and then made a quick dinner while, in the spirit of Halloween, one horror movie after another played on the tv.
I dealt with my mail, read the paper and some magazines, and was asleep by eleven, the previous late night taking its toll.
A baptism for my friend T.'s son started off today, and in about thirty minutes I have to drive uptown with a designer friend of mine to do a quick consultation for a possible new client.
The backdrop of today is that it's Sunday, and it's been, for the most part, a week of unexplained, free-form melancholia, and stress, but as A. said, and as I sometimes forget, in the frenzy of work, dealing with my mom's house, the bank, the aftermath of death (yes, that word again: grief), it is that roller-coaster ride, robbing me, if I let it, of the ability to just BE, and just LIVE--without feeling like I'm running a race, against myself, against time....against death itself.
But just the fact that I'm sitting here, mid-day, apartment clean, laundry folded, dishes put away, attests to the 'good' of this weekend--conversation and reflection fuelling quiet introspection, reminding me of all the things in this life that deserve so much recognition and gratitude.
I haven't run this week. The touch of the stomach issues I've had put me on a focus to down water and just kind of monitor things--and I focussed instead on sleep, my cure-all. So, running may happen later, or maybe walking will.
I have a few new songs on the ipod, I have a couple of books on order from Indigo online (Joan Didion has a new one out called Blue Nights and Nile Rodgers wrote a memoir called Le Freak), I'm just waiting for them to ship to me.
I also have Natalie Goldberg, and the Thunder and Lightning book, and I am still working on the post about her and her books.
That's the weekend update, for lack of a better term. Up, down, in the middle, and the sun keeps shining.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Journal 81 All over the place
Last night, reading in bed, later than I wanted to be up, I was deep into this book, the 'highest activity of the mind' (that is what the New York Times has classified reading as). I completely agree.
I was gone last night. Gone, into this book, like I haven't been anywhere in my mind except my dreams for the past few months. I'm going to talk more about this book in my next post.
My intense involvement in the book probably contributed to my odd dreams, too.
(Last night, I dreamt that it was mid-October--it is--and that I lived in my childhood home on Crockamhill Drive, our townhouse, with my mom, sister, and Mike--I don't---and we got a call from a distant hospital--(Annapolis--how did he get there?) It was unclear--that my father was dying. I thought, immediately, two things--One, we must get there, and Two, he's...already dead.)
Never the less, in my dream, we gamely tried to take directions down, and the four of us, myself, Mike, my sister, and my mom, all tried to get out the door to this distant place, where, we were informed on the phone that they were reviving my father. I remember shrieking into the phone "He has a DNR!" and then the doctor telling me that my aunt and cousin were there with him, insisting that he be revived and I remember feeling that old anger well up inside me again, absolute poison, and I rocketed out of the house to put a stop to this, having no idea where the hell Annapolis is.
I was telling my friend L. in an email today that in the last couple of days, feeling a little down because I was home, sick, and feeling my companion, grief, settle in a little more comfortably as the days shorten and get colder, that I hadn't 'felt' my Dad's spirit around in a while. I was sure he was busy, I think he's probably really enjoying his life as a spirit, my Dad always wanted to travel and do alot of things but didn't really get a chance to, having a family so young and all that that entailed.
So I was 'missing' not just his physical presence but also his spiritual one.
Cue today's crisis; My mother calling as we had missed a crucial bill payment and I had to rectify it, immediately, as it involved taxes and all that sort of stuff you just cannot mess around with after someone has died. Trust me on this.
I called the bank to get the situation looked at, and since I've had to do this by phone several times before, I knew the drill--they have to verify things like POA, dates of birth, etc., and the best way to get that done is by being as cooperative as possible--like the government, I try to appreciate the fraud that costs them so much on an annual basis, and appreciate the lengths they go to to prevent it and protect their customers.
I was on hold for the first little bit, idly doing some work at my desk while I held the phone, and then I noticed the song that was playing, a sad little instrumental version of Elton John's "Your Song" (I say sad instrumental version because it's a song that his voice lifts to a higher level). I immediately started to tear up a bit when this line (it wasn't sung but I knew it was coming) came on: "I hope you don't mind..that I put down in words...how wonderful life is, when you're in the world..." The bank lady came back on the phone for round 2 of my information just as that line went by. She put me on hold again, this time to "The Living Years" and by then I was glad my door was closed.
It's one of those songs that you hear while your parents are alive and think (well, I did, after my father's diagnosis), 'this is going to be a really upsetting song to hear one day'.
Well, it lived up to that today.
By the way, I still can't get it out of my head, oddly, although the Elton song is one I much prefer. The Living Years won't go away.
Oddly, I wikipedia'ed Annapolis (in my dream it had one N) and it's state motto is eerily similar to New Hampshire, the one I told my dad about gleefully last year when I first visited: "Live free or die" is NH; this is Annapolis:
Motto: "Vixi Liber Et Moriar" - "I have lived, and I shall die, free"
Spirit sometimes does come when it's called.
Thank you Dad.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Journal 79 No Day part two
Still, I remain optimistic. I managed to log onto work email today and take care of a couple of things, and I have a nice, long, to-do list for the day tomorrow, for the week really.
Anyway. Nothing else to report. Talked to my friend K. about learning more about saying "no" and about turning down invitations without feeling obligated and guilty (this is huge for me. both these things). We also talked about taking too much on (here here) and emotional exhaustion and how stress can be a real trigger for that.
This also reminded me of how differently kids allow you to look at the world sometimes. I walk by this store all the time, but they instantly saw the magic there and took the time to name the colours on each head of hair.
Journal 80 Just whining
Years ago I worked with a coworker who habitually listened to her voice mails on speaker.
So, with the wall between us, I could hear the garbled messages, reminding me of my morning clock radio alarm. It was so maddening. Today, I silently seethe as another one shuffles stacks of paper, about 4 inches thick, into manageable piles. The sound sets my teeth on edge. I can't explain it. It drives me mad.
Arriving at a restaurant, any restaurant, to a shrieking child/baby, is another one. I know people love their kids. And let me also add when my own niece and nephew do this I am mortified and often say to them so the other tables can hear "See those people? They are trying to enjoy a nice afternoon/evening meal" (whatever time of the day it might be). So the people at least know that yes, I feel your pain, and no, I don't deny your feelings of frustration. But what I've noticed in these situations, that some parents seem to like and relish the attention. As my temperature rises and Mike mutters under his breath, we noted that one set of parents, whose wild eight-year-old was careening around the quiet Thai restaurant where we were trying to have a peaceful lunch, seemed to stretch out their time, which included their hapless offspring flinging a glass of water all over his table and almost falling off of a barstool, to last the entire time we were there eating, as if enjoying our semi-obvious irritation.
I cursed them, I don't mind telling you.
Other annoyances include the crazies on the street; before you lecture me about how these people deserve our charity, compassion, etc, know that I DO know this, but when an elderly homeless man spits at you as you walk by, and when a man carrying his bike up the subway stairs, muttering "F*cks, you're all f*cks" all the while staring at you with his too-bright eyes, when someone stands on the corner of Shuter and Church screaming that he wants a coffee, when a man, clearly employed and well-employed, wearing a watch worth more than most engagements rings and is neatly dressed, pees up against a Starbucks wall after what I can only guess was a very gruelling night out, then I stop feeling those friendly feelings of sadness at their plight, and start feeling the more appropriate reaction: Fear. I hate walking / running along the streets in broad daylight feeling afraid. I hate knowing that the taxes I so dutifully pay do not seem to be able to help these people, and that the economic circumstances of the past few years seem to be breeding more and more of them. And if you've ever had the happenstance to wander by the Rat man outside Nathan Phillips Square, well then, all bets are off. He doesn't LOOK like a rat. He HAS rats. ALL OVER HIM. Yes, I ran, screaming, across the street, with Rat man yelling after me, like I was the one with the problem. ( I HATE rats. They terrify me. I identified so thoroughly with Winston in 1984).
Anyway. On to more positive postings (I hope).
Lately my life is work-come-home-try-to-make-healthy-dinner-fall-asleep-by-1o-try-and-write-in-blog-try-not-to-sound-like-lunatic.
Honestly. How does anyone find time to do anything other than work and sleep.
How, I ask you, could I ever even try to plan a wedding like this?
More later.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Journal 78 No Day
Contrast with today--food poisoning or flu, not sure as to what I've picked up. Or is my body just telling me to slow things down and stop the breakneck pace that feels like it has gone on all year.
No deep thoughts to report, no book-reading, just a junked kind of day, one that I do not normally 'indulge' in. I pride myself on being sick very little, and a regimen of set routine, exercise, vitamins, and good eating and sleeping habits ensure I am usually ill only once a year. However, when I do get sick, like when it happened in Maine last Christmas, I can be down for the count. I hope that this is a 24-hour type of thing, and that I don't beat myself up for not bill-paying, grocery-shopping, doing more cleaning, missing lunch with my Mom and sister. They understood, though, and I was grateful for that. I feel stretched thin lately, and my posts, to me, show this--the tough, stressful weeks, the feeling of no control over my job when things are this busy, and the need to take stock of life, and try to find the joy. Lately I've been really negligent in doing that.
Sunday=No day this week.
Friday, October 21, 2011
All I want to do is draw all day.
This week=
oh yea,
and bullsh*t.
But it's Friday night so I guess that's something.
More later.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Journal 72 Favourites part three
I'm not that well-travelled. I've gone on a handful of trips, nothing crazy, as movies like "Brokedown Palace", "Alive", and "Midnight Express" really sullied international travel for me. I've stuck close to home, North America, the Caribbean.
I've been to the UK once, and to Dublin, Ireland. I didn't love it there. It was cramped to me, being in Edinburgh and Dublin--I guess coming from a city, it tired me out to walk around another one for days at a time. My feet hurt constantly.
It was beautiful, don't get me wrong. But I haven't had the urge to explore anymore of Europe since that trip. Mike swears I will love Paris, and I know I will love it with him, since he is very well-acquainted with it and speaks very good French; so I'll leave it to him to put Paris on my "favourites" list.
Caribbean--St. Maarten has proved to be my favourite destination. Mike can't wait to go there, I talk about it so fondly. Unbelievable scenery and views (have you ever seen the moon rise? You will in St. Maarten). Beaches. Heineken. Jet-skis. More Heineken. It's Dutch you know. And another fun fact: not only can you buy a beer at KFC, you can wander on in with your own beer, order your chicken, and drink it there no problem. And then leave, with your beer, out the door.
I know. Was shocked, and that shock quickly progressed to admiration.
tried this pricey, delicious little number in Chicago. the client paid. thank you!
brunch esp. if I have to eat any one of the 100s of disgusting overpriced hipster bullsh*t brunch places in this city. Thanks--I'd rather lie on the sidewalk and try to swallow clouds.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Journal 77 Challenges
Yesterday reached a zenith, the kind where all I can do is sit with the feelings, and I don't reach out, and I don't want to be social, I just want to think things through, plan my next move, as Lady Gaga says "take my time, put it back" in terms of where I want things.
Planning can be a great thing, and as a structured Virgo I usually embrace it. But I have to remind myself I am not in control--at least not nearly as much as I like to think I am. We're barrelling along, making a plan for this, a plan for that, and suddenly we need to come, sometimes, to a screeching halt and notice that life, for the most part, often has other plans. It can be difficult to accept this.
I may not be making much sense at this point. I've been mulling this concept over for a while now, starting about two years ago, then intensely after the year that 2011 has been. I've also been up since 3:53 am, having had to arrive way earlier than I like at work (I was sitting at my desk, gripping my Starbucks in a death grip, by 6:59 am, and working like a deranged person (re: not a morning person. Morning people would have put this stuff to bed. I just dragged it out, making phone calls, losing pieces of key paperwork, making simple math errors). I will clarify--when I know I have to be somewhere extremely early, I often stress myself out while sleeping, only to wake way too early, in order to make sure I meet my early-day obligation (note: I have to do it again tomorrow. Lord help me).
Off topic, brain 'pathways' are things we carve out in our neurons, according to an article my dear friend A. sent me yesterday. We take the experiences that we have the most of (if that is pain, your pain pathways are deeply embedded, they are roads well-travelled, and if it is happiness, your happy paths are carved out. See how it works?) And then you must try to re-route these circuits, about as easy as it is to get Toronto traffic moving again once it has experienced a backlog due to an accident, a delay, you see where I'm going with this.
It feels impossible, but I am really making this a priority. My therapist has told me I have "catastrophic" thinking patterns (the article mentioned THAT too) and my cousin calls it "creating a worry" a phrase I love.
Oh well. At least I'm aware. That's the first step.
More jumping around (again--up since 3:53am in my defence!);
Some old friends, as I was reading today, had to say a hard good-bye. I wish them both well.
I want to tell them that yes, it's normal to wake up on a day like this and feel like you are going to your execution. And yes, part of you is missing, absent and may never fully be aware of this day (I for one was not, and can't really return to that day). I don't really have a true grasp of it yet, not sure if I ever will. And yes, more people are overwhelming. And no, I don't recall fully who was and was not there. And I don't remember, really, what I did say to the people who were there.
I remember the pictures, and putting them all together. I remember my niece and nephew and how quiet they were, sensing, like animals, that something was 'wrong' with this day. I remember Father's Day, two days later, and sitting on my rooftop alone in the spring sunshine, blinking against the obscene brightness. I remember running every day, near my parents house, the week I stayed there, trying to fake interest in eating, and in living. A little social hiatus never hurt anyone. In fact, I feel one coming on now.
Stress is the enemy to situations like this. As is excessive tiredness--it causes melancholy, and down-ness, and sadness.
My own exhaustion led me down pathways in my own brain today that really, I shouldn't have gone down, but I wandered there anyway. Dread, hopelessness, the tears threatening.
I felt some optimism as I drove back downtown, towards another meeting, and two crows swooped into view, then just as quickly back out. As I drove through a kind of clearing in the road, they re-appeared, each alight on a lamppost, high off the ground, to the right of where I was driving, but they drew my attention and I saw them.
That's the other thing to do. Be open to the signs, the lessons, the signals.
Signs that there exists that other world, where we've come from, where we will return to.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Journal 76 Odds and Ends
And I thought I was a runner. These times blew me away. Especially since, when I was running in Ajax yesterday, it was freezing, windy, and I hated every second of it.
I was observing how, in the last few weeks, I haven't had runner's high in a while.
I miss it, and I can't seem to get back to having it; maybe the extreme summer heat was passing for runner's high, meanwhile I was in a dehydration-delirium.
I tell myself it will come back--and at least I continue to run anyway, without the expectation of it.
I think that in recent weeks, getting back into the (serious) fall groove at work, everyone around me very much forgetting that four shorts months ago, a member of my family of origin died, and the way that this time of year at work is not only busy, but short-handed alot of the time due to people being out with the flu, etc., and it adds up to very long days, lots of traffic-filled drives as hockey returns to Toronto, and many many other fall events fuel people to drive into the city.
Randomly, I've noticed sleep and running are the only two things that help create an obstacle for my anxiety (along with mind-numbing TV watching. Reading is good, too, but anxiety can still invade if the book it not interesting enough). And I don't know how it is that my body knows exactly when it is 4 am and knows exactly when it is Sunday night to Thursday night, and only wakes up at that time, on those five nights, much to my absolute frustration.
Last night I was in bed, out cold by 10:30 pm. I didn't even hear Mike calling me on my phone to say good night. And I wasn't even in bed, I was on the couch, hoping that a sleep venue change (like being at my mom's the night before) could trick my body. It didn't work. At 3:59 am I awoke, got up and moved to my bed, after taking 2 advil for an absolutely splitting headache.
So much for tricking myself.
Another thing for Monday, after my exhausted Friday post. Mike is not doing better.
He is bed-ridden right now, I am losing my mind, I truly am, because I am 1100 kms away and can do absolutely nothing to help him, with the exception of jumping on a plane and going to him. And, faithful, loving fiancee that I am, I looked up flights on line today: lowest going rate to
Boston, return, for this weekend: $ 700.oo odd dollars with taxes. Not even remotely do-able.
Not even remotely. So I'm stuck here, in the gray-wind-weather, waiting for news on how he's doing. And, as I mentioned, keeping in mind short-term memories, the thought of anything happening to anyone else I love right now is enough to make me climb the walls with terror, and this is where I'm at.
Mercifully, Monday at work flew by with all sorts of tasks that needed my attention, and that distracted me hugely. But here I am now, with no outlet and no way to mediate my feelings of missing, worrying, and general complete self-pity (the 'I'm so hard-done-by' thing. I hate feeling this way, by the way. I HATE IT. But I'm powerless to stop it. Until he gets to a doctor and I have some feeling that normal will return for him, I'm living in limbo.)
I want to write my way beautifully through this, but I may have to settle for reading, looking at great photographs, and zoning out on more Brit TV.
Anyway. Trying to commit to daily blogging, no matter what (sorrayyyy), and this is a testament to that. Lately, every day is a testament, lord help me.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Journal 75 Vanilla
My mom and I made a risotto and then spent the evening flipping through decorating magazines, myself with a glass of wine in hand, curled up on the couch, listening to the wind literally howl outside the front door.
It rained almost all day, but I managed 10 km, dropped my car off for its service, went and had Starbucks (where I found a matching Toronto cup to the New York one Mike had gotten me last year) and then got a nice strong dose of vitamin D after my strong dose of coffee. I found 2 cute dresses at Old Navy (managed to keep it together in a line-up full of people and their whining kids) and all that time the rain continued to fall.
After dinner and decor browsing and Vanilla Sky watching, I went to bed, with my book (see side bar, it started off very slowly then last night started to get really good) and was asleep by 10:30pm, where I remained, uninterrupted (a serious feat for me lately) for nine hours.
As I was falling asleep I had a million blog posts ideas.
Vapour. That's the only clue I have as to where they go after I fall asleep. I didn't have my fawn-lark notebook with me (it's at home in my loft, I'm at my mom's) so that is a good lesson of why I need to bring it with me places. To capture these fleeting thoughts).
Nothing earth-shattering though. Just observations about the book I'm reading, about plot, about free-form writing, about Sundays that bother the writer (other people have this syndrome too?) and just writing about writing.
Ok. Off to grocery shop. Am going to run later today. I'm here at my mom's all day partially to run all my errands here, but also to avoid the snarls of the downtown road closures for the Marathon today. And that occupation of St. James park, which, I am sorry to report, is minutes from my condo. I support peaceful demonstration and every facet of democracy. But I remember the chaos of last years' G20 and suffice to say: I don't love the fact that there are some rag-tag 'protesters' most from other parts of Ontario and Canada (where they won't have to clean up the mess they make here in Toronto) occupying a park and denying access to anyone else who lives and pays taxes in the area. Sorry. It's my opinion.
More later.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Journal 74 Workweek
I am truly so tired I'm not sure which way is up.
Good workweek in the sense that MUCH was accomplished, but in my away-from-work world my sleep was all over (a couple of early meetings made it necessary to set my alarm for before 6 and get up by 6, one of the hardest things for me to do. It's so so dark in the mornings at this time of year.)
Lots accomplished though, for a four-day workweek. I have to admit I'm having trouble envisioning that I am going out tonight, as it's raining, the cloud ceiling is low, my hair is reacting and I am bone-tired, I really am.
The full moon made things interesting all around, with lots of moods everywhere, but I have new library books so I tuned the city out in the evenings, listened to the rain, and read my way through the evenings.
Mike is on the mend and I'm so glad about that too.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Journal 72 Favourites part two
Today was a long long long day at work. Awake just after 5am, at my desk just after 8am, my major meeting cancelling FIVE MINUTES before arrival: Yes. I was Not Happy.
Because I was all geared up, dressed up, and set up. Then I had to come out of it, settle into my office, and do three major things involving numbers and not alot of design all by the 'end of the day'.
On the plus side it was grey all day, the full moon's energy was everywhere, and Wednesday, the most wicked (and by wicked I do NOT mean fun) day of the week is over. The shot above is out my condo window, where the city is currently getting doused with rain. It's been raining, hard, since about 6pm. I love the sound of it, hitting the flat old roof of my condo (I'm on the top floor, the roof deck is on the neighbouring building--nothing separating me from the lovely rain noises. So that made up for alot of the day's troubles).
Reading; see below, my dining room 'library'. The portrait beside my book shelf is of my Dad when he was 21. Smoking a cigarette, I know (that goes under "not favourite"). I remember him telling me not to smoke (I don't). I also remember him telling me the artist who painted this, in BC where he was at the time, was very challenged by the fact my Dad wore a checkered shirt. The artist was his friend, trying his hand at painting. When I was young, growing up in our townhouse, this painting hung in our downstairs rec room near the piano. I loved looking at the patterned shirt (was it foreshadowing of my future ID career that I loved looking at all types of patterns? and all types of buildings?)
Another shot out of the window of my condo. Normally, even from my lowly third floor vantage point ( I live in the converted offices of an old optical company), I can see the CN Tower, and the Spire, a building I designed alot of kitchens for in 2006/2007. But not tonight. Tonight it's all fog, dense, but lit up by the intensity of the full moon, and the high-voltage lights in the back parking lot.
I love looking out the window on clear nights, clear days, cloudy ones too. When the moon is in the western night sky I can often get a stellar view.
Alright. Today tired me out. Tomorrow, after having a serious talk with myself, I really hope to start what I hope will be MANY enjoyable weekday mornings out running BEFORE work.
Ambitious, I know. But one must have goals.
For Favourites, Part three, I will explore favourite holidays (St. Maarten); favourite wines ( Cali chards, preferably US purchased, on sale, at a wonderful place called a wine outlet in NH), and maybe explore some more bookish tendencies.
I'm still on a reading tear, and the Julia Cameron memoir has been fodder for many a creative idea.
I also do want to continue with Secret Diary part two. Lots of sequels lately.
Other favourites off the top of my head;
my new multivitamin (i feel...different. stronger. sharper. weird!)
other books by julia cameron (she is my new louise hay. i still love louise though)
the great tarot reading i had friday night
wearing my new pewter ballet flats to work and having an alternative to heels in today's weather
that my foot is tentatively feeling better after much icing the last 2 days
that mike's head is feeling better (that tops the list, really, but i don't like to drag him into the blog too much :)
the continuing free preview of the horror cable channel DUSK until October 31st. I still can't believe I braved Candyman alone. Did you know that Philip Glass did the music for the movie? And it was directed by someone named Bernard Rose, whom I have never heard of. However, he put in some amazing shots of the Chicago skyline, ariel views of the highways, an old stadium....cool to watch now that I've been to Chicago (once. not that I could pick anything out on a map).... a fun tv channel to watch, when BBC Canada is not showing too much.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Journal 73 Secret Diary part one
I've been o'ding on Brit tv lately. Not on purpose, purely by chance, and truly--I'm not a tv watcher by nature. I picked up my wayward cable again last year when Mike was coming to stay as it was Canadian winter, he needed American football, and he loves the Food Network. I can take or leave TV. But, truth be told, it has had, lately, a good effect on me. As in: tranquilizing. As in, my not so much up in my head. Me, unwinding, and reading in front of it, as I always do, and letting my thoughts take flight, like they do when I read.
So, it's been all good.
Caught another wonderful UK Law and Order tonight, all sorts of complicated.
Then, while flipping, lying on the couch and icing my foot (don't ask. too many kilometers on the weekend, way too much ambition to work off 2 dinners, and far too challenging of a pace set), anyway, icing away, watching DUSK (last night I made it through Candyman ALONE, and I have to say--I didn't just focus on the horror of it all--I looked at the gorgeously-shot, ariel views of Chicago, the backdrop of the southside against the glittering architecture of the beckoning city--that is the realy horror if you ask me. The true parts).
Anyway, flipping about, RICE-ing, and I stumbled on IFC "Secret Diary of a Call Girl". This is the Brit's answer to Carrie Bradshaw. Instead of writing a column about sex, though, she gets paid to have it. See? The Brits like to, sometimes (alot) show the Americans how it's done (good on them). And while British men are not my thing in real life, on film and in speech they are delish. But whatever. I digress.
Once again, as with Law and Order UK vs Law and Order Gorefest Inc, Secret Diary is more about feelings than Sex and the City was. I am not kidding.
Tonight's eppy hinged on the word "kinky", ie, something with kinks and twists. And, as the heroine Belle so succinctly put it, finding that one who loves yours unconditionally. I liked the sound of that. This little in-the-head dialogue, clearly taken from Carrie's endless narrative, was, however, voiced-over the images of her fellow prossy-best-friend falling head over heels (reciprocated) in love with a whacky client, and pasted us against the passionate "one of" (Brit slang for a one-night-stand, how do they think this stuff up?) with a man Belle is interested in, who dumps her seconds after their 'shag'.
Christ. Ouch.
It brought me back to my own twenties, not in 'fond memory' express lane either. It brought me back to all those one-ofs, those men who thought that by f*cking you, they could control you, and how wrong they really were. I thought about how selective I was in the men I brought into my little Bathurst world at the time. About how exciting it could be when I did let someone in. And how crushing I felt when they disappointed me (or when, worst of all, over and over--I disappointed myself).
I'm just musing. I watched the images on Secret Diary, I remembered the excitement of those times, those days, more importantly, those nights, and how I was not sad to see them go.
I reflect that this is what it took to get me here, with Mike. I met him over ten years ago. Yet I wasn't ready to accept and love myself until about two years ago, just before I 'met' him again, for the second time.
Where-we're-supposed to be.
It's just that kind of post.
Me musing, practising, looking.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Journal 71 Quiet Day
I had gone to the wedding of a dear friend the day before, and had very much enjoyed watching him and his new bride celebrate this on a beautiful fall day, and was very happy for both of them. A wrenching moment, though, came for me as I watched the bride have her dance with her father, to the music, "My Girl"; the same song my sister danced to with our father at her wedding. And I broke into tears, my friend N. putting her arms around me.
I pulled myself together, but the reason for my tears was not just the unbidden memory of my sister's wedding and that particular dance; somewhere, inside myself, I knew, bone-deep, that I was going to miss having that opportunity, miss creating that memory, those photos, and it tore at me.
"It" (these crazy thoughts) was something I didn't talk about to anyone, much less my mom or sister, and really, to none of my friends.
When my father's prognosis of 'cancer-free' came on October 13th, a few short days later, it did absolutely nothing to take these crazy thoughts away. I had snapped at a coworker during a dull meeting when she accused me of looking at my watch one too many times. My boss, who had lost his own mother to cancer a scant eighteen months earlier, followed me as I left the boardroom and said how sorry he was--he hadn't known I was waiting for 'that' kind of news. He asked me to phone him later after I had heard.
I did call him, after my mother called as I was driving home from work, her voice joyous. I tried to match her enthusiasm but inside I was again, feeling torn. My boss had reacted joyously too--"This is the BEST possible news!" Me, flatly: "I'm just not feeling it". He was puzzled, but as I do so often, I didn't elaborate.
I didn't "feel" optimistic. I chided myself that this was the by-product of months of stress; my own personal life had been dizzyingly chaotic, and now I had a new, wonderful boyfriend. Maybe all the good fortune was scaring me. It's tough to adjust to the bad in life, but sometimes, it's tough to accept the good, too. We look for that cloud in every silver lining (I do, anyway.)
On their actual anniversay day, last October 10th, we gathered at my parents, gave cards, had champagne, which my father weakly sipped; he was still at that point, after all the treatments during the summer, of being unable to eat. We didn't have a family thanksgiving dinner, but we did reflect on anniversaries and thanksgivings past.
As he would later that year, on Christmas Day, my father had a strange, far-away look in his eyes, one that worried me. His expression as I read it said "This is the last ________ (fill in the holiday/occasion) I will be here for".
This terrified me.
Again, I talked to no one about my fears.
October 10th, now, 2011.
I've spent the day quietly, after a nice Saturday and Sunday celebration with my mom, sister, and the kids. First, Saturday thanksgiving dinner at my loft, with everyone trying not to focus on the fact that we had set the table for five, not six. Sunday we had dinner at my mom's, the kids celebrating with their father and his family. We ate leftovers, talked about my Dad, had champange, just the three of us, and yes, there were some tears.
I came back from my mom's house last night and did none of the cleaning up I planned. Instead, I sat on the couch staring vacantly at the TV, watching Dark Knight. I finally fell asleep, early, and thrashed the sadness out this morning with a 10-mile run with my sister. By the time I arrived back home I could barely limp up the 12 flights of steps to my rooftop deck, where I spent the next two hours, reflecting, reading, drinking water and Gatorade, and allowing the sunshine to feed me some of its eternal optimism.
I'm still reading Julia Cameron's memoir about finding her way in the world as a creative person, the writing of all her books, against the backdrop of often intense bouts of mental illness and personal challenges.
I adopted her simple prayer today as I sat on the roof, alone, "Please guide me".
She always asks that while out walking, communing with nature, and I asked that today.
No, it's really not a time of intense personal challenge--grief notwithstanding--but for me, it is a time of immense personal change, and maybe some of the personal growth and development I've been so committed to over the past two years is finally beginning to show signs of taking root.
I am almost finished reading Cameron's book, but throughout reading it, I've flipped back to the beginning, where she lists her bibliography of her own published works, just to see if what she was working on at that time in her memoir really did come to fruition (most of her works have). It was while flipping back that I realized I had missed the acknowledgment--it was at the start of the book, unlike most others I have seen, that tend to be tucked at the back.
She acknowledges her gratitude to those who have shaped her life and 'these pages.'
Then she opens with a simple poem from her own works, called Why we Write, and these were the lines that stood out for me:
We write because
The light we have to see by
Is always shifting
So very true. The light has shifted so much recently. On this coming October 13th, now, in 2011, I wait for no news. It will be the four-month marker point since his death in June.
So, I will continue to ask, "Please guide me".
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Journal 70 Favourites part one
Reasons? The end of summer, maybe, and all the clarity I get from hours on the rooftop on the weekend, alone with my thoughts, letting them unfurl, the hot weather and sunshine making me grateful to be alive. I know everyone loves autumn, fall, what have you, and I have NO argument
against its undeniable beauty and the crispness of the weather. As a person who is forever over-heated, believe me, I adore the temperatures in fall. But the winter looms, the darkness comes so quickly, and I lie in bed in the morning and face the day and sometimes it's just a bit much.
In an effort to remain positive, I tried to compile the things I like in a simple list, with reasons behind them all.
Category: Movies/TV
The Real Housewives of New York
I can't help it. I love all things New York, but these women take the cake. Their constant efforts to remain young and hip remind me that growing older takes grace and stamina, and acceptance. Not plastic surgery, fake friendships, and lies. I watch these women as they dance with youth, live in a state of perpetual denial, and drink away their problems. Who says that reality tv doesn't have lessons for us?
Law and Order UK
Watched 2 back to back eppys last night. Wow. Less emphasis on the crime, more on the people, very British, very play-wrighty and very un-American. For instance, last nights' second eppy was about a young man accused of killing his pregnant fiancee. He had been convicted as child of being an accessory to a murder, so of course he was already guilty in the minds of the police and the lawyers prior to even being charged. But it wasn't that simple. He had a crazy therapist who had murdered his fiancee and framed him, because she was in love with him. And she had no qualms about letting him go to jail, because she could still treat him. In the end, all this unravelled for her, and the young man was free to go. Except that he was found hanging in his cell in the prison where he had been awaiting trial. His young lawyer, who idolized Ben Daniels' character in the eppy, was disillusioned. And Ben Daniels' character didn't just miscalculate a case--his actions indirectly led to someone's sad death, and a fellow professional who looked up to him, who was just starting out, was left feeling bereft. The American show, which I do love, could have never achieved this kind of under-played pathos.
Til Debt Do us Part
First of all, I love the host/money-queen-supreme of this show. At first I could not figure out her background. Her accent, to me, had a tinge of the Irish, and her manner--strong, informed, and 'on it', did too. But a friend of mine shared on FB that Gail is Jamaican! She is amazing. She takes couples to task about their shoddy finances, their treatment of each other, and their staggering consumer debt. I also admit to a fascination with this kind of dirty laundry. It's like looking at other people's homes. What DO they do in there? I punish myself routinely for buying anything on a credit card. At one point during my early adulthood, I went almost ten years without a proper vacation. If I didn't have the money for it, I didn't have it. And it blows me away that these are COUPLES, often both with very healthy incomes, and that each bill is SPLIT in half for them. I have paid all my bills, the whole bill, on my own, for the entire time I've lived by myself, all in all about twelve years. It's eye-opening to see the attitudes in our society about consumer debt, and how much money we collectively waste on STUFF.
Devil Wears Prada
Clothes, clothes, hairstyles, more clothes, make up, a job from hell (no comment), and the type of boss that ends up being the person you learn the most from. I remember my early-career years so well. When a comment could move your neurotic 20-something self to tears. Where a client had the power to ruin your day.
Ah the 20's. So long ago. Thanks be to Christ.
Wall Street
The greedy, unbridled 80s. What a decade to have started a career.
Plot-driven, riveting. People need their kids to watch this today. It never gets old.
I wrote a whole blog on this a little while back. I never get tired of it.
Female frenemies(!)at their finest. I also love Winona Ryder. And all the colour-coded clothing.
French, gorgeously shot, quirky, out-there, and just plain original. My favourite type of movie. Tugging at my heartstrings while taking in beautiful scenery, colours, and characters. No North American could have made that film. NO ONE. We're too self-obsessed half the time to bother with the world around us.
I'll move on to something more important: BOOKS.
I did my top ten websites a couple of months ago.
And no matter what I do to this post, it doesn't want to cooperate in terms of list-spacing. I've given up. But my favourite websites are on there.
Houzz.com is a new one I've discovered, fyi. And on all the plethora of 'amateur' design blogs out there, I can spot when they've stolen their photos from this site.
I look at this site ALOT.
Reebok. (obvious reasons. Best shoes--Runtones. Best lightweight running jackets. Tops. Gloves. Shorts. You name it. Yes. I love Lulu lemon too. BUT COME ON. It's insane in there. See my next entry).
Costco. I am telling you--workout wear/pajama/outdoor coat/ heaven. Also, biscotti, vitamins, hair products, coffee, guacamole, hummous, contact lens solution, socks, dishwasher detergent. Anything, everything. Under one cost-effective roof. So amazing.
Bath and Body Works. Great perfume, lip gloss, hair products again, lotions, candles, all in scents that give fruit-haters like me a new lease on life. Except they discontinued the Summer Vanillas. Not happy. Victoria Secret has a great line of lotions and perfumes, too.
MAC. There are 2 Mac counters I love. 1. In the Bay on Richmond Street, where a red-haired make up artist effortlessly picked out my best shades without batting an eye (Mulch, Ember). 2. Maine Mall Macy's where a lovely man named Michael picked out Lady Grey eyeshadow pallette and Courdroy. All winners.
Old Navy/Gap. They tie for "basics". White t-shirts, black dress pants, workout pants, pajamas again, black skirts, bikinis, summer dresses, underwear. I am a complete bargain hunter when it comes to clothing. The less I spend on an item, the prouder I am. So I go to Gap outlets.
Zellers. See Costco and Old Navy/Gap.
Walmart is hard for me to shop at. The closest one to me is a behemoth of a store with record-setting line ups. And they have all those boycotts. So Walmart is not on here. When I visit the States, my go-to is Target. Hair colour, make-up, creams, more running gear, tank tops, all of it. Super cheap and lots of sales. Last time I went when I was in Maine, Mike was tired so he decided to have a snooze in the car while I shopped. I told him I'd be back in ten minutes.
When I returned, forty minutes later, $ 200 dollars had been well -spent, and Mike had had a nice nap.
Ok, Part two of this mindless posting will be forthcoming.
I think I'm going to explore holidays, wine, and running routes in my next post.
Stay tuned.
Also, I love hearing about people's favourite ANYTHING. Remember those email quizzes back in the day your friends and you would send to each other to 'get to know each other better' and all fill in, competing as to who had the funniest responses? The tagline would be something like "Fill this in to get to know your friends better!" and one of the questions would always inadvertently begin with "What is so and so's middle name?" and I would realize I didn't know ANY of my friends' middle names. And then they'd fill it in for me, and I'd forget a few days later when the next quiz arrived.....
My middle name is Ann, just in case.
Journal 69 The Little Things
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Journal 68 Irritated
I'm not that 'cheerful' type, and I detest people who are constantly smiling, especially when I'm in a bad mood and I secretly think, "what the f(ck is SO uplifting?' but I digress.
It's Monday, so I already have an axe to grind (I couldn't resist putting that in there) and my voice, to me, has been faint lately, so I'm reverting to my beloved list format.
Things that are irritating me today: (in no particular order, context, or importance. I'll asterix the ones that are REALLY bothering me though).
1. It's been loud in the office lately. Loud enough that I've been tempted to wear my ipod. But I can't do that, it would set a bad example. So I close my door over, breathe deeply and give myself a Louise Hay "you can do it" pep talk. *
2. The weather. Grey. Blah. Bleck. Not warm. Not cool. Like the spring, in reverse. Low cloud ceiling, reminding me of Scotland (shiver).
3. A cell phone in the office that has a 'shimmering' note to the 'you have a message' ping, that goes off EVERY day around 5pm, indicating that someone is halfway out the door. Whatever. *
4. Feeling bad for my sister and a few rounds of bad luck she's endured lately. She doesn't have it easy. She is raising two little ones on her own after a hard divorce, and really going through alot with grief over my dad's death. So, when a guy blows her off or is insensitive, or when a friend doesn't cherish her by giving her some face time, it really really irritates me. It's always that way with siblings I think. ***
5. Traffic. The mini van who completely made me lose my cool this morning. When you are the lead car at an advanced green at a HUGE intersection, do not sit there when the arrow comes on. I will honk at you, politely, to let you know that you need to go. Do not take this an as invitation to become as passive-aggressive as possible and drive under the speed limit, with exaggerated care, for the next 5 kms. I will get, for lack of a better word, extremely p*ssed off. **
Part two
6. It's now Tuesday. Tuesday at 530 am. And I'm awake, and I have been since 4-something am. I don't know the exact time since I keep my clock radio set 30 to 40 minutes ahead to 'fool' myself. I'm drinking coffee out of a glass cup because coffee tastes better out of glass. And also, because, like it or not (not), I'm now up for the day.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Journal 67 Fall
I know..the word "autumn" is one of 'those' words for me--not pretentious, but we're leading into Canadian winter. Fall seems the appropriate terminology.
Fall means a kind of buckling down. We (I) start eating more. We get ready for all these family holidays (sometimes they feel mine-field-ish), Thanksgiving, leading into winter and Christmas.
I tend to hole up, cleaning more than I should, cooking more chicken, snacking on carbs, and enjoying (?) cooler runs.
I ran another 17 k yesterday (11 ish miles). It hurt. Alot. At one point, on mile 10, I had to stop and use some construction railing to stretch out. I felt alot better after that.
The whole run was a success, based on the fact that I never fell back on walking, and I got, no kidding every single city green light on my city run. That NEVER happens.
But my pace was slow, slower than when I ran in high summer. I couldn't figure it out--I enjoyed myself more, I lost myself more, but I ran at a shameful, jogging pace. Not sure what happened.
And hear this--no runner's high. Nothing. I will admit I lost myself enough to lose focus on what was playing on my ipod, but that is no substitute for flying out of your shoes, metaphorically, and soaring over every problem in your life.
I hobbled the rest of Saturday. I needed extra dinner, and an extra shower.
In the morning, this morning, I needed even more water, and I took a tylenol one to stand upright, I'm ashamed to admit.
I looked outside. It was a cold, grey, iron day. And then the rain began to fall.
I wanted to do a cute little 5k today, a little afternoon salute to all the feet pounding the pavement in this morning's Run for the Cure, but I couldn't manage that. Too much pain, too much risk. I settled for opening an August edition of Running for Women and reading about training advice, and then my sister and I ate a dinner of curry-chicken wraps, hummus, and chips. The dizziness went away. More water.
I think about Saturday's long run, and what it took for my head to get there (your legs must be strong, but your head must be stronger), and I felt pride in my psychological commitment to this painful 'sport' I have chosen, has chosen me, and then I read the beginner training program in the magazine and realized that despite bad times (literally and figuratively) I am no longer a beginner. According to Running for Women, in spite of my lack of formal races, lack of awards/accolades, I'm really an intermediate. Weird. When did this happen?
I continue to trawl along the city streets, I continue to aim for morning runs during the week--it is a true dream of mine, to do my weekday running at the crack of dawn, and start my day off in the most disciplined way possible, but also in the most dreamy.
Because running is a dream sometimes. Reading about it makes me remember the high, the beat of my pulse, and I forget all about the pain, the drudgery that sometimes invades, and those days with leg cramps, stomachaches, shortness of breath...all of it.
Like anything we love. It saturates us with frustration only to grant us pure freedom.


text:
- The other responsible adult in this household has been working hours longer than a never ending road this entire month of September.
- We're suffering post vacation excitement withdrawals times six (Yes, even Sam has them. Yesterday he let me know he really misses being held by people all day long).
- I have 4 children all 5 and under.
- Three of them (Yes, even Sam) are extremely active boys.
- The other child who is generally agreeable, thoughtful, likes napping and stays in one place long enough to photograph is perpetually over tired from being in all day kindergarten and is no longer any of the things I previously mentioned.
- I realized I don't really enjoy two year olds, they're too moody, demanding and simply won't listen to reason (or anything I say for that matter).
- Now that I'm not pregnant I'm back to being lactose intolerant, which means I have no where worthy to turn to when I feel like eating my stress away.
- I've still been eating my stress away and now my tummy hurts all the time and I look 6 months pregnant by the end of the day.
- I can't locate my living room under the waiting-to-never-get-folded laundry pile up from our trip, several nights of diaper removing and the 4 daily clothing changes from Drulio Down by the School Yard.
- One or more of my Prince Charmings keeps leaving me love notes scribbled onto expensive objects around our house and popping the keys off my work computer.
None of this is actually new. It's all in the job description in one form or another, but I haven't had a day off in far too long and while the benefits are pretty good in this role, the pay is lousy and the health hazards take a toll. In fact, since my first day I've notice my hair is falling out in clumps, I have lines on my face that aren't going away and people avoid me in public places like I have leprosy.
Most days I shrug it all off the overburdened shoulders and focus on my sincere gratitude for the gift of motherhood (because it is there even on days like today). But every once in a while when I go to scream into my pillow and it's covered with pen scribbles I think I just might explode.
But I don't. And instead I just pray with a thousand pretty pleases that my husband does not have to work late again tonight.
And then thank the Good Lord for things like The Honest Toddler to ease the pain and put a smile back on my face for when real adults are around to talk to again:
"Anyway I wanted to thank you for changing my pajamas and throwing that towel down on my pee pee sheets. I noticed you didn't open your eyes once (weird). It's also OK that you didn't actually change my sheets. I find the faint smell of ammonia comforting. Love means doing things halfway."


text:
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
stressed and keeping up?
I haven't been keeping up on my blog. Been stressing trying to find a new place to live. Moving at the end of summer. Stressing because my thirty-one sales are nil. Three ladies backed out this month. Guess I'll go inactive for a while. I'll be on here later to post some new stuff.
Monday, May 9, 2011
So, National Scrapbook Day has come and gone. I didn't have time to do much. I did get two pages done for challenges on Scrapjazz.com. I really need to dedicate more time to my blog but the sun is calling my name. Hope you like.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Give Away
Sherri has a great Thank You give away on her blog. Go to this link and enter
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Hello there!
Guess it's been a few days again. I will have more time to be on here in about three weeks. Finals for this semester will be over and I will have more time. Here's something I did have a few minutes to do though.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sorry it's been awhile.......
Haven't had time to be on here much. Biology is kicking my butt. Don't know if it's me or the teacher. Over half the class got a c or below. Methinks the teacher needs to rethink his methods. On a good note, I got to go to CKC Louisville, KY. Had a great time and shopped a lot. Got some really cute stuff that I will post later. Here's a card I did for a friend of my mom's.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Haven't been on here in a bit......
Busy with school and work. Biology is NOT my friend,lol. I see I have another follower, YAY. Haven't really put my blog out there much, since I don't have much time to be on it right now.
Getting ready to have my very first Thirty-One Show. I recently became a consultant. Nervous and excited. Planning an open house soon too. Can't wait. Here's a few things I've done recently. Hope you like.
Getting ready to have my very first Thirty-One Show. I recently became a consultant. Nervous and excited. Planning an open house soon too. Can't wait. Here's a few things I've done recently. Hope you like.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Back from Savannah!
What a wonderful city! I loved Savannah and Tybee Island. Downtown is beautiful and the people are so friendly. I can't wait to go back just to visit, no conference or work to do. Here are a few pics for you to enjoy. Hope to be on here later this week with some scrap stuff.
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)


text:
'As Max Weber explained, traditional societies regard the world as "a great enchanted garden". This is the world-view of The Tempest. In contrast, modern societies, through science and secularisation, have purged the world of magic and laid it out as a blind play of impersonal forces'
It has to be said that "societies" are not monolithic entities that can "regard" or "believe" in a certain world-view or reject it. They are made up of various mortal individuals who have had , and continue to have, the freedom to accept the claims made by authority or reject them. ( and so it should be ).
However, if 'impersonal forces' are at work in society here and now in 2012, the given truths are no longer those of the clergy. That is a good thing. And yet the impulse towards blindly accepting a belief system or a system of accepted truths has not gone away. As Philip Larkin once wrote 'what remains when the disbelief has gone?'.
A more interesting perspective might be to regard Western Society as existing under a new form of irrational magic. And to see this as a continuity with the obscurantist aspects of religion in the past. In that sense organised religion, ideology and the admass society have something in common.


text:
Happy quiltmaking....
Monday, February 18, 2013
Sunrise, Sunset - More Progress
Countless hours of stitching.
I still need to go back and stitch some missed grid lines.
I wanted grid lines across the chains because that's the way the previous quilts were hand quilted.
I have to admit that I'm not sure I would quilt this grid again-- so very many starts and stops.
I love the border, but it took over 3.5 hours to quilt.
I'm soooo looking forward to having this done--it's been a really long haul, and with so little energy by the time I get home from work, it's just not gone very quickly.
However, I'm so happy with how beautiful it is. It captures beautiful dawns and sunsets in the Southwest so very well.
Next decision: binding totally by machine or with the back of the binding sewn by hand?
Happy quiltmaking....
Posted by Dora, the Quilter at 6:00 AM
Labels: Machine Quilting
6 comments:
- Gene Black said...
If you are doing the grid on a domestic machine, what I do is just go "outside" what will be the finished edge and travel to the next line. No starting and stopping each time. Plus the stitches go opposite directions so the fabric shifts less.
- February 18, 2013 at 6:18 AM
- MQuilter said...
Beautiful! I love the colors and the grid quilting with your pretty feather work.
- February 18, 2013 at 9:36 AM
- Pokey said...
It looks nice, Dora!
- February 18, 2013 at 3:22 PM
- Annemiek said...
This post did make me smile since I still do al my quilting by hand. 3,5 hours for those feathers??Oh I wish *lol*
- February 19, 2013 at 7:43 AM
- Cheryl Warren said...
It is really beautiful. Hope you are enjoying your new job.
- February 20, 2013 at 8:18 AM
- Cheryl's Teapots2Quilting said...
It's looking really pretty. I keep trying to do all the binding by machine, but, so far it just doesn't come out well for me (personally). I know that some people do a great job with it.
- February 20, 2013 at 8:55 AM
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)


text:
Thank you for showing interest in this item. You will be notified by email as soon as this item is available to purchase.
The item you selected has already been subscribed to notify to this email.
System error: Failed to submit email, please contact website administrator.
Designed with strong, architectural lines and versatile proportions, this bench is masterfully crafted of sturdy hardwood with walnut and teak veneers. A foam-and-fiber filled seat upholstered in black linen completes the piece, providing long-lasting comfort and support.


text: TORONTO — ThinkFilm has nabbed debut helmer Stuart Townsend's "Battle in Seattle."Sources put the price for domestic rights at around $2 million. Deal is ThinkFilm's second high-profile acquisition since picking up Helen Hunt's directorial debut "Then She Found Me" in the opening days of the Toronto fest. Endeavor had been handling sales of Townsend's pic, which recounts the 1999 WTO riots in Seattle. Cast includes Charlize Theron, Woody Harrelson and Ray Liotta.


text:
Such a lovely healthy salad, why not enjoy it soon. Read on for what you need and what you do ...
Serves 1
Up to 60g halloumi cheese - sliced
2 large handfuls young spinach leaves
1 handful rocket,
½ green pepper,
50g cucumber,
with olive oil and cider vinegar dressing (3 parts oil to 1 vinegar)
Grill or fry the halloumi until it's golden brown,
Combine it with the salad ingredients.
Whisk together the oil and vinegar to form a dressing and serve.
This simple and delicious salad can be seen on Karen Thomson's blog here
Now, here is a little more about Halloumi ... which is pronounced ha-loo-mee.
It's a semi-hard chewy, white cheese originating from Cyprus and made from cow's, goat's or sheep's milk, or a combination. It has a mild salty flavour and lends itself beautifully to cooking due to its firm texture which is retained even when cooked and exposed to high temperatures.
In good supermarkets and specialty stores.
Choose the best:
Cut into slices - the halloumi should 'squeak' as it is cut into.
Store it:
An unopened packet of halloumi will keep in the fridge for up to a year. Once opened store in salt water in the fridge.
Cook it:
Fantastic fried, grilled or barbecued. Added to salads or served with vegetables. Halloumi is often served with chopped mint to add flavour. Also goes well with finely chopped chilli.
Try mozzarella.
These facts from here
All the best Jan


text:
Chocolaty and sweet. Can be fudgy or cakey, but it is not a cake. It can have nuts, chocolate chips, mint, frosting, or a glaze. It can be eaten alone, with ice cream, or whipped cream. What am I?
If you guessed brownies, then you are correct. Brownies are one of my favorite treats, coming from a chocolate addict. I like my brownies fudgy and without nuts, but every person is different, which causes more variations among brownies.
The first brownies appeared at the "1893 Columbian Exposition, held in Chicago, Illinois". The treat was created after Bertha Palmer requested a dessert to be made specifically for ladies. She described this dessert to be smaller than a slice of cake or pie, which can be easily eaten. Palmer also wanted something that could be packed effortlessly into a bagged lunch. Thus, the brownie was created! At the Palmer House Hotel, they continue to serve the famous brownie with its original recipe today.
But who is Bertha Palmer and why did she insist on having this delectable dessert made? Bertha Palmer is "an American businesswoman, socialite, and philanthropist". She was part of the Chicago's Woman's Club as well. Palmer was very prominent due to her positions in society. Therefore, in 1893 the Columbian Exposition was to be held in Chicago, which is the celebration of the discovery made by Columbus. If it weren't for Bertha Palmer and her influential status in society at this time, there would never have been a need to create brownies.
After learning about brownies, I was inspired to make my own. I went to Safeway and bought a box of brownie mix. After adding some water, oil, and egg, it was ready to go in the oven. A short 40 minutes later, my brownies were done. They turned out fudgy in the middle, yet crunchy around the edges. Simply perfection.


text:
Weekly Regional News Review; Akron Art Museum "Find A Face" Exhibit
Our journalists' roundtable reviews the week's top regional stories, including a ruling affecting the planned Quicken Loans Arena renovations; the Cleveland mayoral race; a ruling from the Justice Department on the purge to Ohio's voter rolls; and an update on whether Richard Cordray will leave his post at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. And, we visit the Akron Art Museum to check out their new exhibit that sees faces in inanimate objects.
Joe Frolik, ideastream
Karen Kasler, Statehouse News Bureau
Chris Quinn, cleveland.com


text:
Band: Impending Doom
Genre: Deathcore
So I rather like this song. In fact, I have the title and logo tattooed on my arm. #Devotion
I was straight up terrified of these guys the first time I heard them. Like, holy crap. The sound was way too intense for me and I kinda set them off to the side.
I remember my friend had called them Death Metal so for the longest time I was under the impression that Deathcore and Death Metal were the same things. They aren't, for those of you who don't know. Here's a bit of a funny example of the difference.
It's a solid song though, once you're into the style you'll realize it. Honestly this album is a lot more like a Grind album in a lot of ways, but we're still gonna call it Deathcore cause that's what the main pull is.


text:
Spend less time doing the dishes with this delicious one pan pasta bake.
Ingredients (serves 2):
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 small brown onion, chopped
- 1 small zucchini, diced
- 150g lean beef mince
- 2 garlic cloves, crushed
- 1/2 x 400ml jar bolognaise pasta sauce
- 1 1/4 cups (150g) dried mini penne pasta
- 1 teaspoon dried oregano
- 3/4 cup grated pizza cheese
- Fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves, to serve
- Heat oil in a medium frying pan over medium-high heat (see note). Add onion and zucchini. Cook, stirring, for 4 minutes or until softened. Add mince and garlic. Cook, stirring with a wooden spoon to break up mince, for 2 minutes or until browned.
- Add pasta sauce, pasta, oregano and 2 1/3 cups cold water to pan. Stir to combine. Bring to the boil. Reduce heat to medium. Cook for 12 minutes or until pasta is tender and sauce has thickened. Season with salt and pepper.
- Preheat grill on medium. Sprinkle pasta mixture with cheese. Grill for 1 to 2 minutes or until cheese has melted. Top with parsley. Serve.
You'll need a frying pan with a flameproof handle. If you don't have one, wrap the handle with foil before grilling.