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Posts in Project Updates
LSP v0.8 Released
I finally made the first build of Livestream Processor! And it has a logo made by my friend Antonio Lassandro. The code snapshot is on Github here and the downloads are hosted on Google Code hopefully that will always show the v0.8 downloads, I had to link to a search result. Anyway, right now it's […]
Tagged github, java, Livestream Processor, open source Leave a comment
Livestream Processor
For the last two months I have been spending a lot of time working on a new program called, for lack of a better name, Livestream Processor. The plan is to be able to process video, mostly from livestreams, in a few specific ways. The inspiration comes from my Ludum Dare livestreams, I want to […]
Tagged github, java, Livestream Processor, open source Leave a comment
Ludum Dare 24
Original Post This time I'll be doing the jam though with a friend and fellow computer science major Brandon. I'll be streaming again and I'll do the live builds as well. Follow my progress: Stream Live build Oh and here's what I'll be using to actually make the game: Eclipse/Java 6 SFXR Gimp Dropbox Git […]
Tagged java, ludum dare, open source Leave a comment
Github, Ep1c G4m3 and ideas
I've started to rewrite Ep1c G4m3 because last time I changed the code to comply with a better rendering system I broke everything. I've already made a lot of improvements to the current code revision. I'll do one huge commit once I've re-written everything. I wonder if I can import an SVN database into Github. […]
It's been a while since I've posted anything here. So here's how life has been going. The first quarter of school is almost over now and my prediction was incorrect. I haven't done any more programming than I did during the summer. I'll attribute this to homework. I decided to prove to myself that I'm […]
Link: DON'T DIE Ok, so the name isn't very imaginative. It's not like the game is very polished or anything though. I made this because I started to write a test case for Ep1c G4m3 (I couldn't get the rotating gun-arm to rotate) and I ended up making it into a simple little game. The […]
Tagged game, java, open source, shooter Leave a comment
Ep1c G4m3 - Version 0.1a
Link: Ep1c G4m3 - Version 0.1a This is the first executable release for Ep1c G4m3. The player doesn't actually have any graphics, just filler colors. But the main engine works, it probably needs some optimization though.
Tagged Alpha, java, open source Leave a comment
Right now I'm working on two projects. Of the two I've been working on Ep1c G4m3 a lot more. It is going to be a tile based platformer/shooter. I've gotten most of the engine done. A friend of mine from school is helping me with the story and game design he might also do some […]
Tagged android, GPL v3, java, open source, Voracious Softworks Leave a comment
Link: GUITester I wrote this in APCS last year. Recently in ##java on irc.freenode.net, someone wanted a terminal emulator and that reminded me of this. I gave it to them (The previous version in pastebin is what I gave them), so I thought I would publish it here too. After I decided to publish it […]
Tagged java, MIT License, open source Leave a comment
Updated NowPlaying for linux
Link: Updated NowPlaying for linux I've edited my skype mood setting script. Now it gets the now playing info from banshee and if the script quits or you press pause it changes your mood to reflect that you're not playing music. EDIT: Changed the link to be the same code, except it is now linked […]
Tagged AMIP, banshee, open source, perl, skype Leave a comment


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I will be joining the guys over at the Linux Basix podcast tonight and below are some of the things I intend to discuss.
Discussion Links:
- 7 Best Network Security Linux Distributions (DoortoDoor): A list of special purpose distros [BackTrack, Network Security Toolkit(NST),Pentoo, nUbuntu(Network Ubuntu),Security Tools Distribution(STD),Helix,Damn Vulnerable Linux]. These distributions are mainly designed to perform network security tasks such as vulnerability assessment and penetration testing in order to prevent and monitor unauthorized entry, abuse, alteration, or denial of computer network resources. Since most of these distros are available as Live CDs, you could instantly try or use them without hard disk installation. Read more over at http://www.junauza.com/2011/01/network-security-linux-distros.html
- Soundminer: A Stealthy and Context-AwareSound Trojan for Smartphones: Researchers have developed a low-profile Trojan horse program for Google's Android mobile OS that steals data in a way that is unlikely to be detected by either a user or antivirus software. The malware, called Soundminer, monitors phone calls and records when a person, for example, says their credit card number or enters one on the phone's keypad, according to the study.Using various analysis techniques, Soundminer trims the extraneous recorded information down to the most essential, such as the credit card number itself, and sends just that small bit of information back to the attacker over the network, the researchers said. Read more over at http://www.csoonline.com/article/656264/soundminer-android-malware-listens-then-steals-phone-data
Tech Segment: Password reset the hard way
Problem: I was tasked with retrieving or resetting the web login password to a Linux based custom build system, very similar to an appliance. I currently had limited shell access to the system however I was not certain if the password was stored in /etc/passwd or in some sort of database on the system.
**Before we begin just know that everything mentioned here will probably not work on a normal Ubuntu based system, the manufacture possibly used their know custom Kernel and other system tweaks.**
Commands used:
- netstat – a command-line tool that displays network connections, routing tables, and a number of network interface statistics.
- fuser – a command line tool to identify processes using files or sockets.
- lsof – a command line tool to list open files under Linux / UNIX to report a list of all open files and the processes that opened them.
- /proc/$pid/ file system – Under Linux /proc includes a directory for each running process (including kernel processes) at /proc/PID, containing information about that process, notably including the processes name that opened port.
- uname- Print name of current system
Phase one "Getting to know the system":
I started off with a few simple commands to try and identify what various of Linux was the system running:
uname -a (Verify what kernel version I was up against)
yum (To see if it was a Fedora based system)
apt-get (To see if it was an Ubuntu based system and it was)
cat /etc/issue (To check what flavor of Ubuntu, turned out it was "Ubuntu 8.04")
Next I wanted to get Root access without resetting the Root account password. I figured this would prevent me from having to deal with any restrictions issues.
Created a user called testuser
user@host:~$ sudo adduser testuser
Edit the password file and changed UID and GID to that of root (testuser:x:0:0)
user@host:~$ sudo nano /etc/passwd
Then once I logged in newly created testuser and I am automatically given root access.
user@host:~$ su – testuser
Since I know that the service I am interest is running on port 443, I will run few commands to get a better ideal of whats really going on with this port.
Netstat to view the connection stated and PID for the services running on port 443:
root@host:~# netstat -tulpn | grep 443
tcp 0 0 0.0.0.0:443 0.0.0.0:* LISTEN 5548/pound
To confirm the processes PID use the fuser command:
root@host:~# fuser 443/tcp
443/tcp: 5548 5549
To find out process name and working directory associated with PID # 5548, enter:
root@host:~# ls -l /proc/5548/exe
lrwxrwxrwx 1 root root 0 Jan 21 14:15 /proc/5548/exe -> /opt/pound/sbin/pound
root@host:~# ls -l /proc/5548/cwd
lrwxrwxrwx 1 root root 0 Jan 21 14:15 /proc/5548/cwd -> /opt/app_name/rails/ssl
Now I have an application name and working directory to go investigate. After further research I found out that Pound is a reverse-proxy load balancing server, and the config file showed me it was passing all connection on port 443 to another port on the same server.
I then used lsof to further investigate the newly discovered port:
root@host:# lsof -Pnl +M -i4
mongrel_r 5623 112 3u IPv4 14528 TCP 127.0.0.1:3000 (LISTEN)
Then to find out the processes own:
root@host:# ps aux | grep 5623
app_user 5623 0.0 1.3 40048 28536 ? Sl 14:14 0:02 /usr/bin/ruby1.8 /usr/bin/mongrel_rails start -d -e production -p 3000 -a 127.0.0.1 -P log/mongrel.3000.pid –user app_user –group app_name
A bit more research and I found out what mongrel_rails was. Mongrel is a fast HTTP library and server for Ruby that is intended for hosting Ruby web applications of any kind using plain HTTP rather than FastCGI or SCGI.
After poking around a bit more I notice the tie in with a postgres SQL server that I notice in a few earlier commands. Now on to the fun part!
Phase two "Modifying the system":
Now that I have realized that the system has a database, and the user account is not location in the /etc/passwd file its time to access database identify the user account and make some modifications.
su – postgres to change to the postgres SQL user:
root@host:~# su – postgres
Launching PostgresSQL interactive terminal:
postgres@piab:~$ psql
List all the roles and Superusers :
postgres-# du
List of roles
Role name | Superuser | Create role | Create DB | Connections | Member of
postgres | yes | yes | yes | no limit |
App_User | no | no | no | no limit |
(2 rows)
List all database on the system:
postgres=# l
List of databases
Name | Owner | Encoding
postgres | postgres | UTF8
App_Name | postgres | UTF8
Connect to a database:
postgres=# c App_Name
List of tables:
App_Name=# dt
Schema | Name | Type | Owner
public | schema_info | table | App_User
public | users | table | App_User
Query table users:
select * from users;
Fields of interest to me were (id, login, email, password, salt_val,passwd_create,passwd_updated)
Now before I went any further I ensured to dump the DB using pg_dump and pg_dumpall
postgres@host:~$ pg_dump dbname > /tmp/dbname.out
postgres@host:~$ pg_dumpall > /tmp/db.out
At this point I had a few options:
- Try to reverse the password encryption and salting mechanism
- Try to find the code that handles the authentication and bypass that
- Get access to another box, create a password and copy that hash and encrypted value over to the DB on the other system.
Luckily for me I had access to another device so I created a password there, and queried that DB and copied over the encrypted password and hash into notepad then used an insert statement to add to the values to the db along with a test user.
Connected back to the DB:
postgres=# c App_Name
Insert new records:
INSERT INTO users (id,login,email,password,salt_val,created_at) values ('2′,'demo','demo@localhost','9abdgagf42324243240fdbd','8d5d6cd8fa6a0323jb3240988324′,'2006-12-05 21:15:32′);
Went back to the login portal https://ipaddress and bingo! Big shout out to byte_bucket over at irc.freenode.net #pauldotcom, he was very helpful in helping me work through this.
Additional reading:

subset: commoncrawl


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Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Stress: The Good Side
A part of our everyday life. Stress can come in various ways, from the time we open our eyes to wake up and close them to go to sleep. Though the thoughts that plague our mind and keep us awake throughout the nights can be terrible and unbearable, Stress in its own way can also be very helpful. In a way we can never really notice things about a certain subject unless we spend time and stress over it. Lets say a student has a huge exam that he has to study for. Now the student has studied enough to pass, or at least he believes so. He then notices that other students who have taken this test have all performed pretty poorly. If the students doesn't wish to end up like the other students, he would stress over the subject and spend more time studying and making sure he/she knows everything there is to know about the subject. There is no comparison to the feeling of having accomplished a difficult task after investing your maximum effort to succeed. So the next time your stressing over something, try to figure out why your stressing so much, and how it could be beneficial to you.
Posted by Victor Muleki at 9:09 PM
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this was my dinner tonight :
on april 15, i went to the dentist and had a temporary crown put in. thusly began my saga of pain and agony. this thing would NOT stop hurting. it felt like an atrocious toothache, only this would flare up every time i ate, no matter what side i chewed on. i even went home from work thursday because it hurt so bad after lunch. today i called, and they asked me to come in. they replaced the temporary crown, and put in something much more comfortable. however, it entailed numbing that back tooth once again. i am particularly susceptible to this stuff (i understand it's not novacaine any more), and it lasts forever. i got there around 5, and was officially numb by 5:15. it is now 3 hours and 24 minutes later, and i'm still numb. i am unable to eat because i don't want to chew my cheek. so i had a shake. i'm hoping it wears off soon, cuz i would love to eat something real. bleh.
if anybody remembers, a friend from ac4c bought some buffalo, but didn't spin, so i volunteered to spin it for her. well, lo and all these many months later, it's spun. it's even plied (about 50 yards from 2 oz of fiber), and hung and everything, but i feel like crap, so you'll have to wait til next time for a pic of the plied skein.
This is what i did yesterday inbetween bits of house ravaging (this place is too much of a mess to call it cleaning) wanna see more?
Think you see the correlation now? just wait!
and it's going somewhere you'd not expect! it went outside! just like suntea! now, wanna see what it came out like?
It's a bit blotchy, but hey, it's handpainted roving!
i'm gonna quit while i'm ahead with the pics, blogger never let's me post more than 5, and that was just #6!
and yes, it's now 852, and my jaw is still numb. sigh.
Edit: it's 1021 and i finally can feel most of my face. my lower lip is still tingly, but i had a can of soup an hour ago. i couldn't wait any more. but i didn't burn myself, and didn't make TOO much of a mess. 5hours, sheesh!


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This week, we're happy to say that first implementation clothing has now been added into Atom Universe!
It's time to break away from your leather space suits and time to kick back in some more casual clothing.
With v0.3.9.4112 Steam Early Access players can try out the new attire by opting into our Kingpin branch, but please do remember that if you're wanting to attend this Saturday's Block Party you will need to opt-out and return back to the public branch.
Mix up your style with clothes and accessories.
While this being the first implementation, the clothing options are quite limited. Adam will have a choice of two t-shirts, two sets of trousers and two types of shoes. Whereas Eve will be able to choice from a tank-top, trousers, fabulous looking black dress and two pairs of shoes. Swimwear is also available for both avatars, so if you find yourself in the Mirage House, it's time to catch some sunshine!
You'll also be able to change the colour of certain pieces of clothing from the User panel in the main menu. This way, you'll be able to keep your avatars looks pretty fresh until we're able to add more clothing to the wardrobe!
We're still working on bringing this update to the public version Steam and PlayStation 4. Once we've got any additional information available, we'll be posting it right here on our blog.SaveSaveSaveSave


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Labor Opposition Leader Bill Shorten at a Welcome to Strangers ceremony in Rome
This is Australian (or might we say "Australian") Bill Shorten's latest Big Idea: at the start of every parliamentary year there should be a "Welcome to strangers" ceremony performed by people with an Australian Aboriginal lineage. The problem, surely, is that Australian parliamentarians are neither "strangers" in our wonderful nation nor "strangers" to our splendid Westminster-style political system. Certainly Bill Shorten and his bohemian socialist colleagues are strange, but that is another matter. See the article here: http://www.news.com.au/finance/work/bill-shorten-wants-welcome-to-country-to-be-introduced-to-parliament/story-fn5tas5k-1227482077106


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Artist membership applications are encouraged, especially from unrepresented regions of Texas. Applicants must paint daily, blog frequently, and reside in the Great State of Texas. To apply email: INFO on Artists Of Texas and include a link to your art blog or web site for jury panel review.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Abstract Jazz Music Portrait Painting "Bob Marley Reggae Portrait" by Texas Artist Debra Hurd
Oil on Canvas
Fine Art Prints are available HERE
Click HERE for pricing on commissions and sizes available
Visit http://DebraHurd.com to view more of my work.
Visit my Daily Painters Gallery HERE
Visit my BLOG
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Monday, May 31, 2010
Israel attacks aid ship
Israel attacks aid ship, kills at least 10 civilians - Glenn Greenwald - Salon.com
How much longer will the US subsidize this behaviour?
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Green Politics for a nourishing summer.
I just got hungry for collard greens and this is what happened.
Saturday's column.
Organic: To go or not to go
Cultivated bounty holds much promise
This week, something to chew on. It's that time of year again. The heat wave last week set the stage for the return of the Farmer's Market on Main Street in West Bend; they'll be up and running from 7:30 a.m. to 11 a.m. Saturdays starting May 29 and finishing the season Oct. 30.
Frankly, I can hardly touch a salad during most of the winter. I need potatoes and carrots and onions cooked into caramelized delirium on top of a pot roast (oven time: 3.5 hours minimum). But once the weather turns warm, I turn into Bugs Bunny. The carrots need to be fresh and crispy. The lettuce, too. I even go completely nuts for all that dark green leafy stuff like kale and collards and turnip greens (tossed with olive oil and garlic).
I'm not the only one who goes salad-mad during warmer weather. Maybe humans are designed to get hungry for whatever happens to be available as the calendar clocks through the seasons.
Our local Farmer's Market was a kind of gateway drug for me. Fresh food and good prices are addictive.
Last year I confessed publicly to crossing over into the bark-eating vegan-curious foodie category. We joined Wellspring in Newburg, one of southeastern Wisconsin's CSAs (community supported agriculture). They provided a vegetable tsunami we surfed all summer, shooting the curl dizzy with kohlrabi and garlic and greens sprinkled with home made chive blossom vinegar.
This year, we're taking another step. This year we're getting dirty too, contributing a few shifts of work cultivating and weeding the food we'll be eating all summer. We don't garden at home – I am probably one of the few people on earth who cannot grow tomatoes – so this is one of the best ways to enjoy gardening, meet interesting people, and eat.
You can see how this might escalate. I was planning to push my luck growing my own crop next year by renting a plot through West Bend Community gardens (when you can't even raise tomatoes, it's time to call in master gardeners). The county just gave the gardens an additional 1,200 square feet, in fact, but the plots are already reserved: 77 in all with a waiting list.
Our neighbors who were lucky enough to work these gardens last year harvested a total of around 3,000 pounds of food (at a market value of roughly $2 a pound). Nearly 700 pounds of produce went directly to the food pantry. If they can put together another site for next year, more spots will become available. (For more info write to: firstname.lastname@example.com)
Last year I mentioned a few reasons you might want to eat locally and organic (environmentally friendly, no pesticides, lower carbon footprint, less expensive, tastes great) but, unfortunately, new reports are now out tying the consumption of pesticides to ADHD in children and cancer in adults.
Fortunately, you don't have to go completely organic to dodge this unhappy probability distribution. There are better and worse options and the Environmental Working Group has come up with a list of veggies you can buy that'll decrease your intake of agri-business related toxins by as much as 80 percent. The full list is available at www.foodnews.org, but here are the top five dirtiest and cleanest veggies in their collection. For the top five dirtiest, they suggest you think about buying organic. For the top five cleanest, they suggest the organic label doesn't matter.
The most likely produce to have residual pesticides, even after you wash them, appear in the following order: celery, peaches, strawberries, apples, and domestic blueberries. Trace amounts of pesticide remain even after they've power washed the samples, so you might want to think about buying organic here. I can't live without celery since it's a key ingredient in most of the Cajun cooking I tend to live on and I'm particularly bummed about the blue berries, but I think I know a guy in Michigan ... . On the other hand, residual chemicals dont seem to be an issue with onions, avocados (hurray), sweet corn (thank goodness!), pineapples (seriously, whew), mango, sweet peas or asparagus. I included seven here since I know a lot of people who eat peas and asparagus, but I don't know anyone who eats a lot of mangoes. Anyway, if you love asparagus – or mangoes – you can save a few bucks and go without the organic label.
So, this weekend I'm digging out my salad dressing shaker bottle, that salad spinner we've been using to drain spaghetti, and I'm planning to start dreaming in summer green instead of wintry black and white.
Grin. And so on.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monkey Business in West Bend Schools this fall?
But will her husband, newly elected member of the school board Dave Weigand, press for curricular changes? I'm starting to pray he will.
West Bend Daily News
Science skips over catastrophes
This week marks the 30th anniversary of the Mount St. Helens volcanic eruption in Washington state. That eruption resulted in fine and coarse volcanic ash layers from less than an inch to 600 feet deposited in seconds to hours of time. Sedimentary layers, landslides, canyons, plateaus, submerged logs similar to the petrified trees in Yellowstone and peat layers resulted. A canyon similar to and one fortieth the size of the Grand Canyon was formed. If not observed, I wonder what geologists would say about the formation of this canyon.
In 1997 a catastrophic flood in Texas cut a canyon through bedrock. I remember the devastation of my sister's home from the flood resulting in the canyon's formation. It occurred in my lifetime; the results were observable and therefore valid. See www.creation.com/a-gorge-in-three-days.
A student I know takes earth science at the high school. The geology of earth is studied, but all the emphasis is placed on "millions of years" and uniformitarian concepts. The catastrophic model is given a mere mention, if anything. Students are taught the Grand Canyon formed 4.5 million years ago, taking millions of years. We wondered how the teacher could be so sure, especially in light of recent observed catastrophes that rapidly left sedimentary layers and canyons. Some students may not know about such catastrophes and their results. Teaching only uniformitarianism concepts is unfortunate and leads to confusion about the age of the earth.
To be considered real science, data must be observable, testable and repeatable. Eons of geologic time are only someone's guess, not real science. Catastrophes should also be taught as viable causes of what we see on the earth today.
Why not just teach the facts? After all, it's science class.
Next year, biology. I wonder what "monkey business" will be taught there.
Mary P. Weigand Trenton
The real question is whether there'll be Monkey Business on the school board.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Graduation: for love or money.
It's that time of year again.
Saturday's column.
Graduation for love or money
The springtime of life always arrives in May carrying the promise of summer: the sun is finally shining and the leaves are finally green. Everywhere you look, high school graduations are underway. They too carry promises: the fulfillment of seeds planted years before, keys to the golden door of a better life and – whoops – getting a job.
Sorry to break up the happy mood but that's not a light at the end of the tunnel, it's a train.
As usual at this time of year, a mob of stories about education is swarming the media. Lately, not all of the news is great. Times are tough: a new Economic Policy Institute report suggests that the class of 2010 will have ""the highest rates of unemployment in at least a generation." Cold comfort. Worse yet, "unemployment rates for both college graduates and non-graduates younger than 25 are nearly double their pre-recession levels."
In this economy you have a few options. You can get into the race with all those other job seekers or you can go to college. In the West Bend School District, about 50 percent of graduating high school students plan to continue into a four-year degree after graduation, and 20 to 25 percent plan to attend one of the state's tech schools. College has traditionally provided a route to a better life and to a better paying job.
Education still turns out to be a major factor in lifetime earnings. For the past few years the media typically reported the College Board calculation which showed a difference in lifetime earnings between college and high school graduates of around $800,000. You still see that figure a lot. But lately the Wall Street Journal took another look at the numbers. Factoring in increases in tuition, debt load, and salary levels from 10 years after graduation, they came up with what they called "a mere $279,893" – a lot less than a million, but it's still a fair amount of cookie dough ice cream.
One of the other news stories circulating has to do with the insane debt levels a lot of college students seem to be accumulating. It's important to calculate the economic costs and benefits of a college degree carefully and remember: you can't improve your earning potential by starting your career with $200,000 in student loans. Shockingly, this isn't difficult to do anymore: especially if you borrow in hopes of eventually earning the kind of money you could as a doctor or a lawyer.
Crushing debt is a danger if you borrow recklessly to fund a degree you hope will give you increased earning power. The traditional university system can be a trap if you're not careful, but it looks like the new "convenience degrees" offered by for-profit universities like the University of Phoenix, can be even more hazardous to your financial, and educational, well being.
Some people want one of these drive-through degrees to cash in on the promise of increased earning power, and the for-profits are a temptingly convenient way to go, but a recent Frontline investigation on PBS found that they can cost more per credit hour than the average state university and that they seem to be putting students even deeper in the hole. They do this by hooking up students with lots of easy to get loans that, pretty quickly, sink the student into impossible, and irrecoverable, debt.
Frontline found that while these schools enroll 10 percent of all post-secondary students, they receive almost 24 percent of all federal financial aid. By itself, that might be a good investment in retraining Americans for the knowledge-based economy, but this same 10 percent is now also responsible for 44 percent of all students who default on their loans within three years of graduation.
A quick degree from a for-profit doesn't give you any real value if it plunges you into what they're calling "debt slavery." These students, for all their good intentions, are wasting their time and our tax dollars.
So, you'll have to navigate these traps: a tough employment market, working out the cost/benefit of a college degree, and being prudent with your spending. The greatest danger of all, however, lies in thinking about college education as a merely financial investment. I'm hopelessly Old School on this topic, but the argument still sounds right to me. Here it is: earning more money can improve your circumstances – a more comfy recliner, more BTUs in your AC, more horsepower in your car, more expensive shoes – but, if you think about it, earning more money doesn't actually improve you. Money doesn't make you a better person, it only makes you more comfortable.
It's far better to find a job you love and make enough money than it is to work at a job making lots of money that isn't satisfying. Steven Jobs, someone who knows something about making money, may have said it best: Find a job you love, and you'll never work another day in your life.
College is still the quickest route to a better financial future, so long as you don't put yourself in a financial hole to do it. More importantly, college remains the best way to find a life you'll love living or, what those of us in the philosophy trade call, "A Good Life." A good life is not guaranteed to make you a lot of money, but it is guaranteed to make you happy. You don't always get to choose both love and money in life but, if you can choose one of them, remember make yourself happy.
Friday, May 21, 2010
and as always, Go Russ.
"The bill does not eliminate the risk to our economy posed by 'too big to fail' financial firms, nor does it restore the proven safeguards established after the Great Depression, which separated Main Street banks from big Wall Street firms and are essential to preventing another economic meltdown. The recent financial crisis triggered the nation's worst recession since the Great Depression. The bill should have included reforms to prevent another such crisis. Regrettably, it did not."
State College Republican Chair Joins Democratic Party
State Rep. Jon Richards and DPW Membership Director Sean Berger welcomed outgoing Wisconsin College Republicans Chair Lora Rae Anderson, a UW-Eau Claire Senior, officially into the Democratic Party.
Anderson spoke at a brief event at the Organizing for America Office in Milwaukee on the eve of the Republican Party of Wisconsin's State Convention. Anderson, who spoke last year at the Republican Convention in La Crosse, blasted the state party, calling it too "extreme" and saying that it is "alienating a younger, more progressive generation."
"While Republicans are busy narrowing their party to meet the approval of the extreme Tea Party, Democrats are happy to welcome young people like Lora Rae Anderson to the party," said Mike Tate, Chairman of the Democratic Party of Wisconsin. "As Republicans continue to offer more and more extreme slogans, but no solutions, we expect more young people and working families to follow Lora's lead and abandon the Republican Party."
Getting over it: Let Students Be Themselves
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Reviewing the Russians...Dissent Magazine
Monday, May 17, 2010
To my friends in China, please keep the Pajamas!!
The Pajama Game Closes in Shanghai - NYTimes.com
The first time you see it with American eyes, it looks a bit silly. The second time you think "shoot, why don't *we* do that??"
Minzaoyi Shanghai!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Palin: Obama Would Ban Guns If He Could
Note to School board: Intelligent Design: Scientifically and Religiously Bankrupt
Even religiously?
Uh, yeah.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Coffee and Tea at the same table? It's a start.
From Facebook's Coffee Party notes.
"Tea and Coffee - Finding Common Ground on Changing the Political Culture"
Written by Dale Robertson, Founder of the Modern Day Tea Party and Paul Silver, Member of Coffee Party USA.
[This is the opinion of the two authors and does not represent Coffee Party's official view.]
The Conventional wisdom is that the Tea Party represents the far right and the Coffee Party Movement the left. This makes it easy to categorize and pre-judge their respective opinions, but this over-generalization is not accurate. Two of us, from seemingly different sides of the track, sat down to discover that what brings us together far exceeded what divides us: Dale Robertson the Founder of the Modern Day Tea Party and Paul Silver, a member of the Coffee Party Movement and other campaign reform groups. The Core beliefs of the Tea Party are Fiscal Responsibility, Limited Government, and Free Markets. The Coffee Party wants to promote cooperation in government, recognizing that the federal government is not the enemy of the people, but the expression of our collective will". The principles are quite general.
We found each other when Dale was mentioned in an article on possible common ground with Democrats ("'We Might As Well Be Able To Vote For Disney': Tea Partiers Slam Citizens United Ruling" By Zack Roth TPM) And in a series of conversations we explored that common ground, which seemed to be agreement on the obstacles to progress on the issue that are important to us. This represents our personal conversation and doesn't necessary represent our colleagues.
First off we agreed that the inflammatory conflicts between conservatives and liberals are mostly a proxy war promoted by special interests (Insurance Companies, Banks, Trial Lawyers, Unions, etc) aiming to manipulate public opinion and public policy. A predatory special interest can not admit that it wants to dilute air and water regulations, so it backs a candidate willing to carry their water with the well funded argument that over-regulation is hurting our national competitiveness and ability to create jobs. Unions might make likewise arguments.
We agree on the solution of voluntary citizen funded campaigns to help neutralize the financial influence of predatory special interests. While making public office more accessible to citizens without connection to, or interest in, wealth. We want to expand free speech to those without access to wealth and replace a handful of bundlers with thousands of small contributors Over time our Congress would become more objective, efficient and pragmatic, instead of pandering to powerful donors. The cost of such a program is likely to be a tiny fraction of the cost of all of the unfair deals that burden our governmental budgets and waste our tax investments.. Elections should be won not bought.
We share distress at the Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United. It abandoned the view that in political cases the Court should reconcile free speech with other concerns like honesty, accuracy, promoting democracy with a level playing field, and Congress's job to balance these goals. Instead, the majority framed the case entirely as a free speech issue.. It was not about the rules for the corporate role in financing elections but simply 'about political speech.'"
And we shared a concern about the lack of competition in elections because of the abuse of the political redistricting process. Partisan redistricting allows incumbents to select their constituents rather than the other way around. Safe districts allow representatives to take extreme and perhaps bribed political positions, free from the challenge by an objective voting constituency. We support non-partisan redistricting used in some States.
After laying a foundation of common ground we found that we were not that far apart on most other issues. As our conversation meandered we agreed that soldiers should be taken care of during and after their service. Our government and society should be blind to race. Illegal aliens should go to the end of the line for citizenship and scarce jobs. Gun ownership should be managed to minimize abuse by criminals and the mentally disturbed. Government shouldn't be any bigger than it has to be to provide the services we vote for. Free markets need to be also free of fraud, obscurity and predatory behavior. Lifestyle choices are not the governments business except to the extent that behavior is predatory. English should be the language for conducting government business. Taxes could and should be reduced by eliminating most exceptions, loopholes and having all of us pay our fair share. Deficits should be reduced through a combination of better managed spending and more fair revenue collections. Subsidies should be limited to those essential for the national interest. Family values of responsibility and accountability should be promoted. No doubt we will find more areas of agreement as we continue to talk.
To be sure, there were areas of disagreement: How fast should we address Climate change, Energy and Health care? What government programs are expendable? What is the appropriate balance between "survival of the fittest" and taking care of the least among us? But we think that are areas where reasonable people can disagree and the appropriate grist for a representative government free of special interest manipulation.
This is what two average citizens, looking from what at first seemed like different points on the political spectrum, discovered about ourselves when we looked past first impressions and simplistic media analysis. We were both relatively centrist when we got into the meat of the issues - sometimes liberal sometimes conservative. But certainly more aligned than the media would lead you to believe. The trick is to focus on what we have in common. Try it.
Dale Robertson - firstname.lastname@example.com
Paul Silver - firstname.lastname@example.com
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
More bad news for the anti-Obama crowd.
Tax bills in 2009 at lowest level since 1950 - USATODAY.com
Grothman confirms diagnosis: 4th stage epistemic closure
State Senator Grothman replied to my query about whether he was just nuts, or fear mongering.
State Senator Grothman's reply
Reading Obama's mind in his favor
This is in response to Mark Peterson's recent column. I had written about Barack Obama's campaign speech in July of 2008, in which he said, "We've got to have a civilian national security force that is just as powerful, just as strong, just as well funded" as our military. In his speech, these words were a departure from the prepared text.
A lot has been written about these words but no one knows exactly what Obama had in mind. Peterson and other Obama apologists claim that he meant the Peace Corps, but that would require increasing the size of the Peace Corps by about 1,400 times ($340 million to $482 billion) from what it is today.
Furthermore, no one would call the Peace Corps a national security force, so that clearly isn't it. The media was so in love with Obama no one forced him to explain. Can you imagine the uproar if President Bush would have said such a thing?
The radical ideas of Obama's "czars," the attempted nationalization of health care, and the unnecessary takeover of GM (rather than just having it re-emerge from bankruptcy) all are unprecedented in American history. Many of his allies in Congress are for the Fairness Doctrine that would censor talk radio. His allies are pushing Puerto Rican statehood, a national popular vote, a nationwide database for medical records, and a nationwide database for education records. This group that got elected in November 2008 sure has shown that the sky is the limit as far as changing America.
Last year, three congressmen introduced a bill extending the authority of civilian employees at the Defense Department to make arrests, execute warrants and carry firearms, apparently domestically. Is this what Obama meant? We don't know and neither does Mark Peterson.
If Peterson wants to look on the Internet, he can find a lot more well known people than myself and one Georgia congressman wondering what Obama was thinking.
Sen. Glenn Grothman West Bend
So, it was epistemic closure and not fear-mongering? I admit, I'm a bit surprised.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Oil disaster no surprise in Britain.
BP spends millions lobbying as it drills ever deeper and the environment pays
While the explosion of BP/Transocean's Deepwater Horizon drilling rig was a horrific event, it was neither surprising nor unexpected.
BP is one of the most powerful corporations operating in the United States. Its 2009 revenues of $239bn are enough to rank BP as the third-largest corporation in the country. It spends aggressively to influence US policy and regulatory oversight.
In 2009, the company spent nearly $16m on lobbying the federal government, ranking it among the 20 highest spenders that year, and shattering its own previous record of $10.4m set in 2008. In 2008, it also spent more than $530,000 on federal elections, placing it among the oil industry's top 10 political spenders.
So, same old same old.
Is that tea keeping any of our Tea Party friends awake?
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Far Right Leader Busted With Gay Escort Got Taxpayer Money from GOP Gov Candidate to Bash Gays
If you're just joining us, Rekers, a Baptist minister who worked with James Dobson to create the right-wing Family Research Council, has long been a virulently anti-gay crusader. It was interesting, then, when we learned this week that Rekers hired a young, male prostitute to join him on a European vacation last month. Rekers met his travel companion on a website devoted to connecting gay escorts with clients.
Though Rekers later said he merely counseled his companion on how to stop being gay, the escort later said the two were physically intimate.
Yesterday, however, the larger story took on a new angle. Rachel Slajda reportsthat Florida Attorney General Bill McCollum (R), currently a leading gubernatorial candidate, used taxpayer money to pay Rekers to bash gays.
Sex, Lies and Oil Spills
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.: Sex, Lies and Oil Spills
A common spin in the right wing coverage of BP's oil spill is a gleeful suggestion that the gulf blowout is Obama's Katrina.
In truth, culpability for the disaster can more accurately be laid at the Bush Administration's doorstep. For eight years, George Bush's presidency infected the oil industry's oversight agency, the Minerals Management Service, with a septic culture of corruption from which it has yet to recover. Oil patch alumnae in the White House encouraged agency personnel to engineer weakened safeguards that directly contributed to the gulf catastrophe.
And so it goes.
Saturday, May 08, 2010
School Districts cuts are only treating the symptoms.
It's a no-brainer.
Obviously, since if you had a brain, you wouldn't do it.
Saturday's column.
Cure needed
School cuts would only treat the symptoms
When teachers in West Bend agreed to a pay freeze last week, they bought the district a little time before the budget goes under the knife – but I'm still worried about the surgeons we elected. The most recent board members won with the promise to cure the school district's financial anemia by cutting to the bone. They reminded me of old-time doctors who believed bleeding the patient would cure everything. But look: It's no good to say the operation was a success if you kill the patient, and it's no good to treat the symptoms without addressing the disease.
The May 2 Chronicle of Higher Education carried an article by Janice M. Abraham (president of United Educators, a risk-management and insurance company) highlighting four areas that universities need to avoid cutting despite the economic squeeze affecting education. These suggestions apply as well to our local financial distress and argue that, rather than cut with abandon, the school board needs to think carefully about how and whether to proceed.
Abraham emphasizes the legal risks: how reckless cutting can increase a school's exposure to liability claims. For instance, she recommends that schools avoid cutting staff training and support, proper development of infrastructure for new programs and a West Bend School District favorite: maintenance. Cuts to any of these areas can increase the district's legal liability.
Let's take maintenance as an example.
Cutting the actual maintenance budget or, more subtly, cutting the staff levels required to properly maintain the buildings and grounds, can lead not only to deteriorating buildings (a bone of contention in past referendums) but also – and I don't remember hearing this aspect debated – to an increase in injury related lawsuits. Abraham mentions snow and ice left on the sidewalks, burned-out light bulbs left unchanged, water on the floor that can't be mopped up right away, and frayed carpets that significantly increase the likelihood of tripping or falling – and the lawsuits that follow. It only takes a few of these to bankrupt a district.
We have to hope that the board will not make cuts that are penny wise but pound foolish. Such cuts would only create more financial stress.
Unfortunately, by itself, cutting the budget will only treat the symptoms of our financial ailment. The underlying disease is a systemic, and double-fisted, political problem.
Fist No. 1: Our federal government now works harder for billionaires than it does for the rest of us. Alternet recently reported that the 25 top Wall Street hedge fund managers made about $25 billion in 2009, enough to pay for 658,000 entry level teachers. Put another way, we live in a country that believes funneling tax dollars to 25 hedge fund managers is more important than hiring 658,000 new teachers.
There's not much we can do about fist No. 1 except, maybe, stop electing millionaires to Congress. One thing we must do, however, is stop lying to ourselves about how much more important it is to keep these guys in swimming pools and private jets than it is to do whatever is necessary to provide a first rate education for our kids. American kids need an education that will allow them to compete against kids from China and India. Call me a commie, but providing ski chalets in Aspen for a few dozen rich Americans instead of funding schools seems like a lousy trade off.
Anyway, doing something about the conservative commitment to concentrating wealth in even fewer hands is a tough treatment option. I'm not sure we have the stomach for it – too many Americans still dream that one day they too will own a ski chalet in Aspen and put a few hundred thousand teachers out of work.
But don't despair: we can tackle fist No. 2. The financial disease afflicting West Bend's school district is well understood. It is not the result of overspending and is not caused by anything cuts alone can fix. As we heard, ad nauseum, during last year's referendum, the district is already one of the most efficiently run in the state. No, our financial distress is caused by the inequitable funding structure in Madison that takes away our tax-dollars and redistributes them to school districts in Waukesha, Elm Grove and Brookfield.
Why are your tax dollars going to Brookfield instead of coming back to you in the form of a properly funded school district? Because the Legislature says so, that's why – and that's where we really need to start cutting. The solution is within reach. The only way to cure the school district's funding problem is to elect representatives to Madison who will do what's necessary to bring that funding – our own tax dollars – back to us.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Sensenbrenner picks a fake-expert as the GOP's sole expert in global warming hearings.
Rep. James Sensenbrenner, the Ranking Minority Member of the committee, chose Monckton as the Republican's sole witness at the hearing.
Of all the people in the world the GOP could call to testify, they chose Christopher (not-really-a-Lord) Monckton, a non-scientist with a diploma in journalism studies and a knack for tramplingGodwin's Law of Nazi Analogies.
Monckton called American college students advocating for clean energy the "Hitler Youth" and "Nazis" during his crazed rampage at the Americans For Prosperity event at the Copenhagen climate summit. Monckton repeated the "Hitler Youth" comments directly to me in an interview the following day, and then took it way too far when he told Jewish student Ben Wessel, whose grandparents escaped the Holocaust, "I am not going to shake the hand of Hitler youth." Despiteextensive video evidence, Monckton went on to lie to the Associated Press, claiming that he never uttered those words.
At the Tax Day Tea Party in D.C. last month, Monckton opened his speech with a 'joke' suggesting that President Obama was born in Kenya. Monckton previously called President Obama a"monster" during his speech at a GOP fundraiser in Wisconsin, which followed another of his paid appearances for Americans for Prosperity.
In a 1987 article for the American Spectator titled the The Myth of Heterosexual AIDS, Monckton wrote that:
.... there is only one way to stop AIDS. That is to screen the entire population regularly and to quarantine all carriers of the disease for life. Every member of the population should be blood-tested every month ... all those found to be infected with the virus, even if only as carriers, should be isolated compulsorily, immediately, and permanently.
Thanks Jim. You just keep making things easier on everyone.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
The Christian "right" marches on ... with gay escorts.
Family Research Council Founder Hired Gay Escort For Vacay Fun
Miami's New Times weekly is out with a blockbuster story about George Alan Rekers, a founder (with James Dobson) of the Family Research Council, and his European vacation with an "assistant" he hired on the gay escort service Web site, Rentboy.com. (Warning: Rentboy site is graphically sexual.)
And thanks to the Family Research Council for all this delicious candy.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Senator Grothman's epistemic closure.
I got started blogging and writing columns almost entirely because Senator Glenn Grothman writes press releases. I assumed that none of his constituents were actually reading these things because, if they were, there's no way they would ever vote for the guy.
I was, of course, completely wrong about part 2.
The original headline was "Senator Grothman's epistemic closure"... too scary, probably.
And so, a 720 word excursion into the Great Wide Empty that is the political vision of Wisconsin State Senator Glenn Grothman.
Senator Know
Grothman invites us to put on security corps blinders
Philosophy doesn't often make the national news, but during the last few weeks Washington heavy-hitter political wonks have been throwing around the phrase "epistemic closure" like a hammer, like napalm, like brass knuckles.
The real definition from logical set theory is a bit complicated for a Saturday morning paper, but the political meaning here boils down roughly to this: Don't get closed in by your own worldview or, more colloquially, the goldfish doesn't always remember it's in a bowl.
Julian Sanchez from the libertarian Cato Institute started things rolling when he trotted out this phrase from his undergraduate philosophy days as a clever way to describe the "ideological intolerance and misinformation" currently infecting conservative rhetoric. Many conservatives, he noted "have developed a distorted sense of priorities and a tendency to engage in fantasy."
When a guy from the Cato Institute blows the whistle on current rhetorical excesses – like the birther and death panel fantasies – you have to pay attention. Even Bruce Bartlett, an old hand with impeccable Republican credentials, a man who worked for Reagan and G.H.W. Bush, has suggested that the American Enterprise Institute and the Heritage Foundation have gone from "presenting informed policy analyses to pumping out propaganda."
None of this is surprising to anyone from the left of Attila the Hun, but it is refreshing to hear a thoughtful and coherent conservative voice say "enough."
That's national news but, locally, Sen. Glenn Grothman provided a first-rate specimen of epistemic closure in his April 16 press release following the tax day Tea Party protest in Madison.
He trumpets that in July 2008 candidate Obama promised to create a civilian national security force as powerful and well funded as the military. Grothman then twists a quote or two to make it sound as if Obama was planning to organize some form of sinister national security Gestapo rather than expand AmeriCorps and – watch out America! – the Peace Corps, which is what Obama was explicitly referring to in the speech Grothman cites (one given at the University of Colorado).
"My constituents," claims Grothman, "are demanding the Legislature fight back."
Well, not all of us. Personally, I'm not worried about the Peace Corps being turned into Black Shirts – but I am interested in whether Grothman's press release is an example of epistemic closure or merely political fear-mongering.
Factcheck.org tracked down this particular misrepresentation to a November 2008 interview given by Rep. Paul Broun of Georgia to the Associated Press in which he warns that President Obama was planning to organize a Marxist security force to place America under a totalitarian dictatorship. It wasn't difficult to find a mountain of press releases and clarifications about this story, so I have to wonder why Grothman felt compelled to issue a press release about a story he must know is nonsense, a year and a half after a Georgia congressman played political origami with an otherwise perfectly mundane stump speech?
If Grothman does not believe what he's written in his press release, then these bits of borrowed political excess are simply irresponsible mechanisms designed to stir up politically exploitable fear. If, on the other hand, we take him at his word and assume Grothman does believe what he's written – a notion almost impossible to accept considering anyone can go online and read the original speech – then this would be a perfect example of epistemic closure: The goldfish's angry insistence that its little bowl is the whole world.
In either case, Grothman's freedom of speech – or his freedom to spend our tax dollars writing irresponsible and ludicrous press releases – does not mean he has the right to impose his epistemic limitations on anyone else. We don't have to climb into the bowl with him.
* * *
Dunk me for a good cause: The fundraiser for victims of the fire at the Stonebridge apartments is being held between 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. Sunday at Jansen Family Park, LLC. (3745 Schuster Drive, West Bend, WI 53095; 334-0429). The organizer tells me that they'll have a bouncy house, a silent auction, Cousins subs, a fire truck from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. and lots of other games for the kids. The administrator from Samaritan will be taking pies in the face and, I'll be a sitting in the dunk tank from 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. I imagine a few readers might like to dunk me for a good cause. Come on out this Sunday and lend your neighbors a hand.
Here's a link to the original "press release." It's actually a bit worse than I was able to capture in a few sentences.
And so it goes.


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Ikea Laundry Room – Ikea Living Room Organization
For something similar, try Ikea's Utby stainless steel table ($199 www.containerstore.com). And whether your laundry room is closet-size or palatial, "take advantage of every corner," Soto says. A retractable clothesline disappears when not For something similar, try Ikea's Utby stainless steel table ($199 www.containerstore.com). And whether your laundry room is closet-size or palatial, "take advantage of every corner," Soto says. A retractable clothesline disappears when not The IKEA cabinets offer various widths and you can choose the A vinyl would also be affordable, but I think a laminate floor provides a more stylish look for your laundry room. Colour I would also go for a vibrant colour on the walls. bathroom that still has room for laundry facilities, including an overhead drying rack espousing principles that are simple and sensible independent of whether you buy from Ikea. In a nutshell, they are: When you don't have space to go outwards ($59.99 at www.sevilleclassics.com) Ikea has the Lillangen tall-boy cabinet with portholes ($37.99 at www.babybeddingzone) Quick tips for organizing a laundry room: • Corral all-weather gear: Hats, gloves, sunglasses and scarves usually end up It you're having trouble keeping your laundry room organised, you can repurpose an old wall-mounted kitchen cabinet into a great laundry organiser. This tip comes via IKEA Hackers, but the principle is applicable pretty much any cabinet. Basically .
laundry room needs hooks, either to hang clothes to dry, to hang clothes waiting to be washed, or to hang those ever present laundry bags (full or empty). Why use boring white hooks when you can mix things up with these fun hooks from Ikea? They Forget kitchens — laundry rooms are the latest objects of domestic desire there were four buckets of napkins soaking in bleach on the floor — the room has Ikea shelving and cabinetry on each wall. The vinyl tiled floor is in keeping with the Old A People just love laundry rooms. Even when they're not legal Either resurface them or, if they're in really bad shape, buy inexpensive ones at Ikea or the Home Depot. The prices are cheap and they carry the best styles. Remember to buy white. .
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Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Chapter 5: DAP DARKEST HOUR WHICH LEAD TO DISASTER AND DEVASTATION
4th January 2013 was described as a dark period in history and the beginning of disaster and devastation to DAP. The main contributor that started this dooms was Dynasty Lim, Anthony Loke and Tony Pua.
On the very same day, Tony Pua made the announcement that there are errors in the results of the counting of votes for CEC announced earlier on 15th. December 2012. Tony Pua justify it stems from problems tallying system that made use of Microsoft Excel. Having this excuse had the crowd laughing until now. This is a joke of a century. Bravo Tony!
The computer system error calculating the number of votes gained by Vincent Wu, candidate who won at the 6th place with the number of votes counted 1202 votes. Tony Pua stated the actual number of votes secure by Vincent Wu is just 669 votes.
Not just that. The error was not just affecting Vincent Wu votes but Zairil Khir Johari too. Tony Pua also stated that after the error being corrected, Zairil gain 803 votes which landing him at 20th place in CEC. Zairil votes which was announced earlier on 15th December 2012 was only 305 votes which ranked him at 39th position on the list of CEC election result.
Again, this issue seen as joke of a century among DAP members and also to the member of public. They wondered why the computer system just miscalculated Vincent Wu and Zairil votes only and not for the other candidates.
Many CEC election candidates lost including P. Ramasamy and M. Manoharan, they frankly tell the people that Zairil entry into CEC was a hoax planned to show to the public that the Malays have a place in the DAP.
Zairil himself was surprised with his victory and did not think he had many supporters to be opted into CEC although he just recently joined the DAP.
Nga Kor Ming told one of the PAS leader, the secret beyond the legacy of Lim Dynasty defending their throne and power over the years has revealed. By using the Malay proverb, Nga Kor Ming quotes "Sepandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh juga ke tanah". It means at any fraud done, surely one day the fraud will be uncovered. For decades Lim Kit Siang committed fraud by manipulating the delegates vote to retain his power and finally Lim Guan Eng, Anthony Loke and Tony Pua ( the three stooges ) uncover the secret.
As the darkest hour in DAP has just begun, Tony Pua at the same time bringing disaster that could bring far more severe destruction to the party of DAP.
What is the more severe destruction to DAP? I will share with you on the next chapter


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Well it has been 8 months since my baby girl left us. 8 months ago tonight I came home without her. I know that she was not ready to be here on earth but it still hurts because she is suppose to be 3 months old. I see all these new moms out with there babies that are about the same age as her and it hurts. Not many people can understand what I am feeling words really can't describe it.
If feels as if a part of me is gone that I can never have back no matter how much I try. I think what really bothers me most of all is that I don't even know if I can have kids any more. I may have missed my only chances with my three angels. Since learning all of the problems that I have now it makes me scared that I am not going to be able to have kids. Then I worry about if my husband is making a mistake by giving up his chance at having a family by staying with me. I have told him that he should go but he loves me. For 10 years we have been together (married on 3) come August. I love that man so much it hurts to think of my life without him but you can't help but think he is wasting his chance.
I PRAY so hard every night to God to just bless me with ONE health baby. I always said I didn't want a only child but I would SO BE HAPPY WITH JUST ONE. Everybody tells me that I am so good with children but I just don't know what else to do. I have to wait until November to go and see my Dr at Duke cause she isn't sure I can have a baby with no Inferior Vena Cava, and I am on coumadin so that causes birth defects and I will have to go on a shots if I can try again.
I am also no longer able to work so I have so much on my mind worrying about all of this just sucks. I am not a person that is meant to have other people do things for me. But I have to be and I am a very Independent person, and now I am a dependent person. But I will say that if they say I can try for a baby but I have to stay on Bed Rest I can do it, cause I am not suppose to be up much now any way with my leg. So maybe this is the time God wants I just HOPE and PRAY that the DR and GOD give me the okay.
So Carley Noel Smith even though you are not here with me on Earth today you and your siblings are FOREVER IN MY HEART, and I know that GOD is taking care of you until we meet one day in Heaven. Mommy and Daddy love you and miss you so much.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
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