text:
A high percentage of the martyrs have been children due to their vulnerability to tolerate severe injuries, and those who were fortunate enough to survive have been treated in the hospitals in Gaza. We therefore see no more reason to refer anymore children for treatment abroad."
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It seems that in times of crisis, the Fatah-led Palestinian Authority(PA) shows its true face. Like its responses to the demonstrations here against Annapolis; and the demonstrations against the last major attack on Gaza, "Operation Hot Winter"; again the PA is brutally repressing any attempts at dissent that are not PA-authorised.
Two days ago, on 28th December, PA police ("shorta" in Arabic) shot 3 demonstrators in Hebron with live ammunition, as a coalition of Palestinian political parties and organisations marched through the streets together, protesting the war on Gaza. I wasn't there, but looking at photos and footage taken by my friends, it was a really nice sight of unity as the predominantly Hamas and PFLP supporters merged in a mass of red and green flags. They chanted angrily against the slaughter of civilians that Israel claims is not happening. And then they encountered the PA police, who started shooting immediately. The crowd started running scared, except the amazingly brave Hamas women, who yelled at everyone else for being cowards, and, still moving forward, took up stones to throw at the cops. My friend who was filming got caught behind the police-lines, at which point he got beaten up and his cameras stolen. Later these were returned to him by the head of the PA secret police, because he had good connections. The photos and footage were intact, although extra footage on one camera shows where the cops tried to mess with the footage but seemingly couldn't figure out how.
The next day, planned demonstrations were again thwarted by the intense police presence. Groups of young boys (shabbab) were permitted to throw rocks at soldiers near one of the illegal Israeli settlements, Beit Romano, but the police maintained a heavy presence to ensure that no one got near to checkpoint 56, which divides PA-controlled areas from those controlled by Israeli occupation forces; as well as to ensure that larger numbers of demonstrators didn't join the shabbab in their riots.
In Ramallah demonstrations, PA police arrested two protesters from PFLP and one from Hamas seemingly without reason, except that it is now illegal to belong to these parties. When a few young guys went to the police station to argue for their release, they were also detained for being PFLP – an affiliation they didn't deny when questioned.
Today, in Nablus, where resistance to the massacre in Gaza has been almost non-existent – restricted to a few meagre demonstrations marching cheerfully around the city streets as though children weren't being slaughtered in their beds – the PA Governor for Nablus refused to allow a meeting of a coalition of political parties and civil society organisations (which explicitly excluded Fatah) to occur in the advertised meeting place. A few hours before, he called the parties to advise that they would not be able to use the Masoud centre, and that to ensure this, he had positioned a unit of PA police around the building.
When questioned as to why there is no show of resistance in Nablus, people here lament that with the PA forces here, there is nothing they can do. 18 months ago, Nablus was controlled by the various fighting brigades, intent on resisting any Israeli incursions into the city. "The knights of the night". And whilst this situation brought with it many problems, such as the presence of armed gangs with mafia-style operations, it also ensured that the responsibility of resistance to the occupation did not rest with one party alone. However, with the establishment of the US-brokered and funded Nablus security deal in late 2007, which led to the installation of 500 PA police in Nablus, this began to change. Working in conjunction with the Israeli occupation forces in defiance of Oslo accords, which decree that no Israeli military are allowed to enter any part of the West Bank designated Area A (such as Nablus and all other cities in the West Bank), the PA agreed to share security operations in Nablus withIsraeli military forces – with the PA police on the street from 6am-12am; Israeli army from 12am-6am. Designed to "clean-up" Nablus, the true aim of this collaboration seems to have been to disarm the freedom-fighting brigades in order to concentrate all power with the PA. Notably, in December of 2007, PA police spent one day overrunning the old city of Nablus- along the with refugee camps one of the resistance strong-holds in Nablus. For hours police controlled the ancient passages, clearing out roadblocks that had prevented Israeli jeeps from penetrating deep into the warren-like suq. That night, Israeli forces invaded, and were able to arrest more than 50 fighters from parts of the old-city they had never before been able to access.
The West Bank has now been pacified to such an extent that armed resistance against the Israeli-occupation (a right under international law) is now largely impossible. As Gaza is destroyed, Israel announces increasing relaxations of travel-restrictions for the besieged city of Nablus. Soon it will be possible for cars to travel in an out of Nablus without prior permission from Israeli authorities. It seems the Israeli occupation has nothing left to fear from the once notoriously-resistant city.
Ironically, today Fatah leaders called on Hamas to return weapons it confiscated from Fatah-fighters when it took over the Gaza strip in 2007.
This level of collaboration (all nuances intended) has found new voice with the war on Gaza. Two days ago, Mahmoud Abbas (President of the PA) asserted that the fault for the war on Gaza lay with Hamas. He vociferated extensively about the lengths to which he and his cabinet had gone to try to convince Hamas to renew the cease-fire. That if they had only listened to him… Surprisingly, this is exactly the same line being pushed by Israel and the US (who have committed to funding the Israeli military at the sum of approximately $3 billion each year for the next 10 years). Palestinians all across the West Bank, and those who have heard of it in Gaza, are reeling at this assertion.
The Israeli plan for Gaza, I fear, will be modelled on the war waged on Iraq. To destroy Gaza and install the Fatah-led PA as its puppet government. It seems the PA are just biding their time.
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More than 220 Gazans dead at most recent count. And whilst Israeli government spokesperson Mark Regev claims that you can't trust the numbers given by Palestinian medical organisation – that those cunning folks from the Red Crescent are likely to exaggerate to garner international sympathy – the pictures of charred bodies on the streets suggest otherwise.
It's the single bloodiest day in the history of the Israeli occupation. And it's only the beginning. The Israeli Occupation Forces assure that the attacks will "expand and intensify".
In Gaza there is not enough space in the morgues to hold all of the dead. Watching shrouds being draped over corpses in the street on tv, I wonder what they will do with the bodies. In March, when Israel carried out "Operation Hot Winter", there was not enough cement to bury the fallen. The situation now is so much worse, given that the only building materials that have entered the strip are those that have been smuggled through the Rafah tunnels. People are forced to use bricks from demolished buildings to build anything – graves are a luxury Gazans can't afford.
With more than 700 injured, the hospitals are experiencing severe blood shortages. Hospitals that were already struggling under the Israeli siege, lacking basic medicines and equipment, are in a grim situation. Sick patients have been evicted from their beds to make way for the injured. The main hospital in Gaza city, Shifa, received more than 200 patients within the first 15 minutes of airstrikes. Random wards, such as the orthopedic unit have been turned into makeshift emergency wards. It is not just Israel that has been denying Gazan hospitals medical supplies, however – the head of Shifa hospital claims that the Palestinian Authority in the West Bank have also withheld the vast majority of supplies donated by the international community.
Finally, Egypt has offered to open the Rafah border for the injured and cleared out two hospitals to make room for numbers which are only likely to rise. Reports suggest, however, that no injured have, as yet, passed through the crossing, as most injured are too fragile to travel. Most cases are so extreme – mostly head injuries – that intensive care ambulances and helicopters are required to transport patients.
Israel claims they were targeting the "Hamas terrorism network". More than forty police stations were razed early in the day, when the bombing started at 11am. Whilst the link between police and military is a tenuous one, the rain of missiles that continued across the strip until 11pm resulted in the majority of the dead and injured being civilians. The rest were police.
Tzipi Livni, Israeli Foreign Minister and Presidential hopeful, said that this attack is a is a "translation of Israel's right to defend itself". She was referring, of course, to the barrage of home-made rockets that have been fired into southern Israel since the ceasefire expired. The rockets that come from a variety of political groups in response to the ongoing siege. Until today, 5 Israelis had been injured by the rockets fired since the end of the ceasefire. The much-bandied term "disproportionate" seems like an absurd understatement.
At the same time, Israel has been killing fighters in Gaza almost daily; and injuring civilians, including children, in the process.
Israeli politicians and military spokespeople have been hysterically decrying the refusal of Hamas to renew the ceasefire, citing this as another excuse for the massacre. They neglect to mention that Israel first violated the ceasefire just four days after it was implemented, firing on farmers – injuring two, killing one. They also fail to discuss the dozens more fighters and civilians the Israeli military killed in Gaza throughout the "ceasefire"; the airstrikes, attacks on houses and Israeli incursions into the Gaza strip that continued without pause. Neither do they acknowledge the 22 Palestinians who were killed by Israeli occupation forces in the West Bank during the so-called ceasefire; nor the hundreds more injured. The failure to lift the siege on the Gaza strip, but rather the intensification of the siege, resulting in Gazans running out of basic foodstuffs, also failed to find its way in to their rhetoric. Of course, the United States "holds Hamas responsible for breaking the ceasefire".
Hamas has, predictibly, vowed to strike back, to revenge this massacre. Already rocket strikes have killed one Israeli civilian. But what more can they do? All they have are the home-made rockets that have little range and poor aim. The claims ring hollow, as it seems Hamas has already done all they can. They have called for a 3rd Intifada, though there seems to be little political will for this throughout the occupied territories.
Today in Nablus, spontaneous demonstrations broke out in the city centre, but attracted just a few hundred participants, whilst the rest of the city went about its business. I wanted to scream at the businesses selling Israeli products, demanding to know what they are doing, why they are supporting the occupation when the Palestinian boycott of Israeli products during the 1st Intifada created one of the greatest economic crises Israel has experienced. Instead I marched sadly, angrily, impotently. The marches made their way through the city streets, before petering out, failing to utilise the small political will that did exist to, in any way, confront the Israeli occupation.
There is a general strike throughout the West Bank tomorrow. It will surely bring more clashes between Palestinians and Israeli Occupation Forces, such as those that were seen in Ramallah and Hebron today. Whether these will be isolated flashes, as is so often the case, or sparks for something greater, is yet to be seen.
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Mr al Kurd is dead. Just 55 years old – younger than both of my parents – he died in hospital last night, just two weeks after Israeli police evacuated his family from their house in East Jerusalem. His health had been poor for a long time, but he lived in his home, shuffling about in his pyjamas, sitting out in the sunny courtyard for much of the day. But when 50 Israeli police came to their home at 2am on Sunday 9th November, first arresting the 8 internationals who were staying there, ready to lock-on in such an event, and then forcing him and his wife, Fawzieh, from their beds, dragging them out of the house without letting them even take a change of clothes, rendering them – in one fell swoop – homeless, he had to be hospitalised immediately.
Fawzieh has since been living in a tent on a nearby football pitch. It's a protest tent, designed to garner media attention, and as such Israeli authorities have been bulldozing it every other day. Luckily, as it's a tent, it's easy to put back up again. A small moment of comedic relief came a few days ago, when they also bulldozed the surrounding fence, which was erected not by the Al-Kurd family, but by Jerusalem city council.
Fawzieh is a strong, strong woman. She has been a major force behind this whole campaign – a campaign not only to save her house, but to save all the other 28 houses in the Sheik Jarrah neighbourhood that face the same fate as hers. For many months now she has opened up her house to the general public, letting it become the site of a media circus. Night after night she has explained her story to countless delegations and solidarity groups. Day after day she showed journalists around the area, with grace and alacrity. She developed great media savvy, imploring cameras "Wayn al democrati, habibi? Wayn al democrati?" (Where is the democracy, darling? Where is the democracy?). All this while caring for a sick husband and cooking two meals a day for the internationals who were camped out in her courtyard for months.
Right now, even in her grief she has set up a public mourning site at her tent. For the next few hours she will receive visits from the hundreds of people who will undoubtedly come to pay their respects, despite the rawness of her loss.
How the state killed Mr Al Kurd
Mohammad Al Kurd moved into his house in East Jerusalem with his family when he was 3 years old, in 1956. Theirs and 27 other houses were built as part of a joint project between United Nations Refugee and Welfare Association (UNRWA) and the Jordanian government, for refugees who had fled the Nakba (1948 war that created 700 000 Palestinian refugees). The families were granted ownership of the houses in exchange for giving up their food rations.
After the 1967 war, when Israel occupied East Jerusalem, two Israeli settler groups, the Oriental Jews Association and The Knesseth Yisrael Association, made a claim that they had owned the land prior to 1948, and, in 1972, got the land registered in their names with the Israeli Land Registrar. Then in 1982, the lawyer hired to represent all of the refugee families in the Sheik Jarrah neighbourhood, Tosya Cohen, unbeknownst to the families, made an agreement with the settler associations to recognise the settlers' ownership of the land in return for status for the families as "protected residents". It's unknown why he did this, whether he was just stupid, or was paid off, or was ideologically on the wrong side to begin with. At any rate, the families fired him as soon as they found out what he had done, and denounced his agreement, but it was, in many senses, too late.
Despite the fact that in 2006 the Israeli High Court found the settler associations' ownership papers to be falsified, and compelled the removal of their names from the Lands Registrar, the Israeli Land Registration department then refused to rezone the land so as to register the land in the true owners' names. Further, the Israeli courts refused to allow any of this evidence into the separate case concerning the Al Kurds' eviction, and so on 16th July 2008 the Israeli Supreme Court issued an eviction notice for the Al Kurds, for not paying rent to the settlers associations.
In the meantime, while the family was in Jordan in 2001, getting medical treatment for Mr Al Kurd, the Jerusalem municipality gave the keys to the apartment they had built as an extension to their home to settlers – under the pretext that it had been built illegally. Ironically, the usual excuse for housing demolitions is that, being built without planning permission, they are unsafe to inhabit. The residents are being protected from themselves. In this case the annex was unsafe for the Al Kurd family, but safe for the rotation of settler families who passed through there.
As such, for the past seven years, the Al Kurd family had been living with settlers in their home – in the annex they built for their son and his family. This brought with it all sorts of abuse, even from the small children; as well as harassment from Israeli police and security guards employed by the settlers associations to patrol the property.
The settlers occupying the annex have also received an eviction notice to evacuate the property – but Israeli police have chosen not to carry-out the order. In fact, the same day the Al Kurds were evicted, instead of evicting the settlers as well, more settlers just moved in to occupy the entire house.
All of this has not been the result of a series of accidents and miscalculations. This is part a deliberate strategy to create the "facts on the ground" necessary to preclude the possibility of a Palestinian capital in East Jerusalem. This collusion between settlers and the Israeli state is the basis of the well-publicised plan to "Judaise" East Jerusalem. Since 2004, more than 1200 Palestinians have been made homeless in East Jerusalem alone through home demolitions. There are currently more than 80 Palestinian houses slated for demolition. If the remaining 27 Palestinian houses in the Sheik Jarrah neighbourhood are evicted, those buildings too will be demolished to make way for a 200 unit settler apartment complex. This will complete the ring of settler apartment buildings needed to effectively annex the old city in East Jerusalem forever. The Al Kurds are just one family victimised by a series of policies whose ultimate aim is the ethnic cleansing of East Jerusalem.
And now Mr Al Kurds is dead. A severe heart-attack. He might not have been taken out with a bullet, or a bomb, but he was killed by the Israeli injustice system all the same.
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On Monday 15th September, Mohammad Saleh Khawaje, aged 12 years and two months, from the village of Ni'lin was released on bail after spending four nights in Ofer prison near Ramallah, charged with stone-throwing and disturbance of public order. His co-defendant, 13 year old Abdul Ahman is not so lucky; he will be kept in jail until his indictment on Tuesday 16th September, when military prosecutors will request that the judge refuse bail, forcing the child to remain incarcerated for the period of his trial – a process that takes up to six months. The difference in their treatment, according to their lawyer, is based on the slight age difference.
Acts like throwing stones are judged by the Israeli courts according to the level of public danger they present. Throwing stones is considered "very dangerous" behaviour. The maximum penalty is 20 years in prison. Although apparently no one ever gets that. If convicted both children face approximately ten to twelve months in jail, advised their lawyer.
A clear indication of the apartheid nature of the Israeli legal system, Mohammad and Abdul will be tried and punished as adults, despite their young ages because Palestinian children are defined as adults at 12 years old; while Israeli children are treated as such until they reach 18 years of age.
Sitting shackled in the dock of the military court, their heads barely reaching above the railing, the boys wore brave faces, chatting excitedly when Mohammad's father entered belatedly after being held-up pointlessly at the Ofer checkpoint – Mohammad showing his father his bandaged wound, sustained when Israeli soldiers dragged him from his family home at 2:30am on Thursday 11th September.
Mohammad's father, Abd Saleh, believes his son has been arrested as an act of revenge visited upon him and his family by Israeli soldiers, following Abd Saleh's complaints to both Israeli police and military about attacks on him at the behest of Israeli military Lt. Col. Omri Burberg – now notorious as the commander who ordered Israeli soldiers to shoot the bound and blindfolded Palestinian arrestee Ashraf Abu Rama in the foot after a demonstration in Ni'lin.
In a testimony given to the human rights group B'tselem, Abd Saleh detailed the abuse he suffered on 13th July 2008, when, as a volunteer paramedic for Medical Relief, he was present at a demonstration in Ni'lin. Abd Saleh has testified that at this demonstration Omri ordered another commander "Miki" to shoot tear gas directly at him. The gas landed between his feet, quickly overwhelming him. Abd Saleh was then violently arrested, and dragged along the ground, despite protests from witnesses that he needed medical attention. After two hours Abd Saleh was taken by military ambulance to Makabeem military camp where Omri refused to allow hospital transfer for Abd Saleh, despite a military doctor insisting it was imperative, and then proceeded, with other soldiers, to beat Abu Saleh severely for ten minutes, kicking and punching his entire body until he was unconscious. Upon awakening, Abu Saleh was taken to a military ambulance and tied to the bed, whereupon he saw and heard commanders Omri and Miki order a female soldier to take photos of him, in a practice eerily echoing torture photos of Iraqi prisoners in Abu Grahib. In the following hours Abd Saleh was again punched in the face; refused water; left for two hours; and then put back in an ambulance only to be violently picked up and thrown on to the ground.
Abed Saleh wasn't home when Israeli soldiers invaded the village of Ni'lin on Thursday night and raided his house. "The soldiers came to the house to take me again," he explained. "They asked where I was. When they found out I wasn't there they took my son instead."
I don't know where Abed Saleh was at 2:30 in the morning when his son was arrested. There have been suggestions that he did as many in Ni'lin do when they suspect they are wanted by the Israeli military, and been staying somewhere else. After all, he has been threatened with arrest again if he continues to go to demonstrations. But as a paramedic he goes anyway, in the thick of the action in case people are shot or beaten or overcome with tear gas.
This is the second time in recent history that such allegations have been laid against Israeli soldiers under Lt. Col. Omri's command. One month ago Jamal Amira, father of Salam Amira, the teenager who shot the infamous video in which Omri ordered the aforementioned shooting of Ashraf Abu Rama, was arrested as "Salam's father" by self-proclaimed "friends of Omri", and subjected to abuse strikingly similar to that Abd Saleh describes in his testimony.
This ethos of revenge is not however, limited just to soldiers under Lt. Col. Omri's command, rather, it goes right to the heart of Israeli military policy, where it is standard practice to demolish the house of the family of any Palestinian who commits an attack on Israeli citizens. More than 628 houses have been demolished in accordance with this policy since the beginning of the second intifada.
Indeed, actions such as the arrest of Mohammad would also not be possible without a legal system that can try a 12 year old child as an adult.
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In my last post, (oh so long ago) I made a slightly drunken assertion that all of the Gazans killed during "Operation Hot Winter" were civilians, because Palestine has no army. While most of the time I actually do make a distinction between civilians and armed fighters (whether or not they belong to a state army), I have a tendency to vacillate between the two positions. Often it depends on how angry I am. But mostly it is because there is quite an area of grey, for me at least, between these two categories.
Especially in Palestine how one becomes categorised is largely a racial matter. The moment a Palestinian picks up a weapon, they become categorised as a combatant – a viable target for the Israeli military. But there's a huge swathe of armed Israelis who wander around with the supposed protection that civilian status affords – settlers.
A lot of people don't really know what settlers are or what they do, so at risk of boring those who do, here's a brief outline. Many Zionists (those who believe that the land of Palestine is the spiritual birthright of Jews) are not content with the huge part of Palestine that was given to them by England and the UN in 1948. They want the whole land – Eretz Yisrael – extending from the Nile to the Euphrates river, and so, armed with M16s and with the support of the Israeli military, they enter the West Bank (and in the past Gaza), and take it by force. Usually they take hilltops, land where Palestinians haven't built, and put down their caravans. Then the Israeli military is obliged to move into the area to protect them from Palestinians. Then they convince more and more settlers to join them, and then create further outposts, usually on neighbouring hilltops, until they have stolen huge tracts of Palestinian land. The state of Israel then further obliges them by building big security fences around their settlement, and any other land they wish to appropriate. This is considered to be stage two of the building of the apartheid (also known as annexation) wall. This whole process is illegal under international law – it is illegal to resettle your population in lands you have occupied. But as very few members of the international community are willing to call Israel to account for this, it continues apace. And it is this process that essentially renders impossible the dream for a viable Palestinian state – because the settlements have carved up the West Bank in such a way that there is no contiguous territory; just a vague promise of transportational contiguity. Also these settlements are often positioned in prime locations – stealing the most fertile land; or worse, stealing precious aquifers, such as Ariel settlement in the Salfit region.
Settlers, however, do not limit themselves to just these nefarious land-grabbing activities. Once they have installed themselves, and have virtually zero accountability, they have tendancies to take out their racial hatred (and, I suspect, boredom) on neighbouring Palestinians – harassing them; burning or stealing their crops; beating and killing them.
While settler harassment goes on all the time, in the past week two incidents in particular have angered me such to prompt me to write. One was a particularly brutal attack happened in a village called Sousiya, in the south near Hebron. Sousiya is a tent-village mainly reliant on its shepherding activities. When we have the numbers, internationals try to maintain a presence around the area, just accompanying the shepherds because of the dangers they face from nearby settlers. On Monday 9th June, 6 masked settlers came down from the nearby settlement outpost of Havat Ya'ir and, after telling the Palestinians that they had ten minutes to leave the area, viciously attacked an old couple with baseball bats, hospitalising them, as well as some others from the village who tried to come to their aid.
The phenomenon of settlers covering their faces is quite new, and clearly a response to the increased use of video cameras by Palestinians and internationals, who have a few times been able to press charges against settlers with the aid of video evidence.
Four days later in the north, in the village of Huwarra near Nablus, two Palestinians were attacked in their home at dawn by settlers from nearby Yitzhar settlement – one was stabbed and the other hit on the head with a wrench. As a friend of mine noted, if a Palestinian had managed to stab a settler inside a settlement, the whole West Bank would be shut down. The surrounding villages would be placed under curfew for up to a week while they searched for the attacker, and likely the house of the attacker's family would be demolished. In the case of these settler attacks, there has been no response.
The Palestinians who were attacked last week have all survived, but even in cases where settlers kill Palestinians, there is no police or army follow-up. In the case of 15 year old Hammad Khadatbh from the village of Beit Furiq, who was found murdered and mutilated in the lands of a settlement on 16th April – clearly tortured and dumped, naked with a broken neck, missing fingers and puncture wounds across his torso – Israeli police immediately concluded that he had been murdered, but there has since been no indication of any investigation of the settlement.
Nor was there any investigation of the case of 15 year old Sharaf Ishtayah, who was murdered by an Israeli bus driver in what eye-witnesses report as an intentional act of the bus-driver swerving towards the young shepherd who was leading his sheep across an Israeli-only road.
Not only do the Israeli authorities fail to investigate settler attacks, they often aid them. Stories abound of Israeli soldiers standing by doing nothing while settlers attack Palestinians. Common also are the situations such as in the village of Asira al Kibliyia, where soldiers handed Palestinians to settlers to beat; and reportedly handed their guns to the settlers to shoot out the water tank on a Palestinian home. In this same village, however, Nahla Machmoud, whose water tank was shot out by the soldiers and settlers, was told by Israeli police that if she ever did anything to a settler who came to her house to harass her family, even just hit one, she would be imprisoned.
Whilst there has been, in recent years, a public backlash against settlers in mainstream Israel, they form the very backbone of the apartheid state that Israel has established through its occupation. And while officially it is impossible for the Israeli government to acknowledge the strategic importance of the settlements (given their illegality) through their armed beligerance settlers have created the seemingly irreversible facts on the ground – thousands and thousands of dounums (a quarter of an acre) in the West Bank annexed to Israel; connected by a series of "Israeli-only" roads justified by "security purposes", which then work to annex even more land – that for Sharon were the fundamental necessities for his "system of control".
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The West Bank has been erupting in a series of small-scale demonstrations and violent clashes as people try in some way to make some impact in regards to what's happening in Gaza. Mostly it's just an expression of anger and grief. People are reeling with each news report, watching the death count rise. It's up to 98 since Wednesday. And counting. 67 were killed yesterday. All civilians (palestine has no army). 16 of them resistance fighters. 19 of them children – one a 2-day old baby girl. Over 200 people injured.
Apparently there's not enough cement or coffins to bury all the dead – because of the siege. This is the current Israeli siege on Gaza that has been in effect since they withdrew from formal occupation of the Gaza strip in 2005 – because Israel still controls all of the borders (except for Rafah, which is the crossing controlled by Egypt) including airspace and marine territories. The intensification of the siege which took place in January this year was pretty widely reported, with Israel preventing all imports and exports, most entry and exit (approximately 25% of all people with dire medical conditions requiring treatment outside of Gaza are refused permits to leave); and an adequate supply of electricity and fuel (legally possible because it declared Gaza a "hostile entity" in September last year). ٍSo now not only are Palestinians in Gaza without water for most of the day, (when it comes through it's sandy, dirty and contaminated with sewage), but the Ministry of Health is also having to beg Egypt for cement and coffins to bury the dead.
And all the international community can talk about is how Hamas needs to stop the Qassam rocket attacks on the settlements within striking range of the rockets (between 3-10km depending on the type), despite the Israeli defense minister in 2006 arguing that the threat of Qassams is more psychological than physical. But this week one Israeli resident of Sderot was killed, and so many, many Palestinians must die. In fact, 4 days ago Israel's deputy defense minister threatened Palestine with a "holocaust". And cabinet minister Meir Sheetrit urged Israel to "hit everything that moves" in
Gaza "with weapons and ammunition." Luckily, the UN Security Council has agreed to express "deep concern" over the attacks on Gaza. There was talk about calling for a cease-fire (which Hamas has already tried to do twice), but there was a widespread fear that the US would veto it.
But whilst a full-scale ground invasion is imminent, defense minister Barak has advised it's not about to happen just yet. Apparently now is not the right time, but that time is soon. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. And if it does chances are we will see another war with Lebanon, because Hebollah has recently promised to join in the fight, should Israel attack Gaza.
At the same time, many people are suggesting (as seems to happen with some regularity) that the 3rd intifada is upon us. All over the West Bank skirmishes between Palestinians and the occupying Israeli army are taking place. Today a 14 year old boy was killed in Hebron by Israeli Occupation Force soldiers. Many more were injured there, as well as in Bi'lin and Bethlehem, as Palestinians protested the attacks on Gaza. Young boys spent the day throwing rocks at Qalandia (the major checkpoint between Ramallah and Jerusalem). Whilst I have grown increasingly skeptical of these declarations, it does seem very possible.
The last few days have been profoundly saddening and disempowering. What has been perhaps most disturbing though, was the protest of 30 Hamas women that took place in Ramallah today. Approximately 150 Palestinian Authority police surrounded one of the main mosques in Ramallah, waiting for the Hamas protesters to emerge so that they could be arrested, we heard. But when they came out, the 30 women were allowed to march out into the street, cardboard posters held proudly, as they chanted against the attacks on Gaza. We tried to film the demonstration, but within 30 seconds a PA cop in plain clothes was on top of us, trying to take the tape. The media warned us to keep the camera out of sight – "Even we don't film here" one said. Already the guy from Associated Press had been beaten up. The women were stopped at the first intersection they came to, surrounded by the aggressive cops wielding Kalashnikovs. But still defiantly they chanted. Held there for a while, they were allowed to march a bit further on, while men with enormous yellow Fatah flags ran up the side of the protest and blocked the women from reaching al Manarah (the city centre), hijacking the demonstration. I was advised that the cops do this regularly, that they were the ones to give the men the flags. Then, in a particularly fascist turn, the police started chanting Fatah slogans, trying to drown out the women. Suddenly, as if on cue, batons were drawn and the women were attacked viciously, while the crowds around them were beaten, dispersing onlookers. As we were herded down a side street, a local noted that this was "the new occupation. This is the second occupation."
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text:
The Super Bowl just came and went, and with it the usual round of "sportsball" jokes. I make them, too, though in my case it's genuinely ironic because not only have I grown to find the game interesting, I more or less know the rules to football, baseball, and basketball.
I grew up in a sports household. My father played team sports way back when, was at least pretty good at them, and remains convinced of their value, and my brothers are preternaturally gifted at them (it never seemed to matter which one they tried). I don't think it's cynical to say that if you're good at sports, you'll probably find sports teams to be welcoming and rewarding places to be.
I was not good at sports.
Outvoted as I was, sports tended to rule the television. As long as I shared the house with the Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics, or whoever happened to be on, I wanted to at least understand what I was seeing. So maybe Dad and I didn't have the same ideas about sports, but we did (and still do) very well together talking about how the world works, and I learned about free throws and off-sides and safeties and bunts.
(As I'm talking here about how I didn't fit in growing up, I want to give a shout out to Mom, who not only doesn't particularly care about sports as far as I know, but spent decades as the only female in a house full of males. There's a lot I don't know about how that was for her--only that she has been even happier than I would expect to have our wives join the family. Maybe she should start a blog.)
My two older nieces are now teenagers, and of course they're good at sports. So close! I've got a third niece, so maybe she'll be awkward. Probably not, though, since her father is the brother who, in addition to being preternaturally athletic, was also graceful enough to do some dancing.
I was not good at sports. In between having to suffer through sports, I read books and learned big words and things that interested me and coasted through school until it required hard work, at which point I underachieved because there didn't seem to be any point to working hard at things I didn't like. (I know, right? That's a different blog post.)
(Of course, now my son underachieves, and I worry about him like my parents worried about me. But he's underachieving years before I did, so my worrying is totally different. File under "The Great Wheel Turns.")
Funny enough, some years ago I was up in Gold Country for Thanksgiving and started throwing a football around with the teenagers, and I was surprised to discover I was good at it. I could feel the weight of the football in my arm and the roughness of it in my hand, and it gave just the right resistance for me to throw it in beautiful spinning arcs to where I wanted it to go.
This has its limits: I tore a muscle or something--undiagnosed, because why bother, as long as it gets better?--that took a year to fully heal. I still suck at basketball. But after a mere decade of martial arts, I developed a fraction of the sports ability my brothers were born with.
Not to undervalue the martial arts thing. As my niece discovered through ten minutes of trying to torment me in Cape Cod Bay, I'm really good at making people fall down when they're not expecting to.
One Hundred Thousand Million Kalpas
4 weeks ago

subset: commoncrawl


text:
The Noon Club meets every Tuesday for lunch and a program
at Trinity Lutheran Church "Faith Hall" 1330 13th Street, Moline.
<<Faith Hall is to the west, or right side, as you are facing the complex.
Home of the 2016-2017 Distinguished Club!
We would love for you to join us Tuesdays at noon. Meet new friends, and get involved in your community! We enjoy networking, socializing and having fun with events like meeting each other out once a month at a local restaurant, attending golf outings, putting on great fundraisers like Kiwanis pancake day, Rose sales for Administrative Professionals day, and other fun fellowship activities.
What is a distinguished club? Kiwanis Clubs around the world strive to hit a variety of goals such as membership growth, hours of service, and a variety of other milestones and achievements. Who benefits from achieving these milestones and goals? The community in which the club is located! More hands (members) means more service can be conducted, and more of a community impact can be realized. We are happy to have this status for the 2016-17 Kiwanis Year!
L to R:
Accepting the Distinguished Club Award for 2016-17 are: Mike Daly, 1st Vice President, Mark Petersen, Secretary, Lisa Williams, incoming Lt. Governor, 2018-19, Brent Nelson, Immediate Past President (whose term the award is being celebrated) Penny Linneweh, Past Lt. Governor, Cathie Rochau, President, Wynn Fitzpatrick, member.
Looking to attend fun community events? Check out our Fundraisers, Evening Club, or Upcoming Meetings tabs (at left) to see what's happening soon!
The QC Kiwanis Evening Club of the Quad Cities IL/IA meets once per month on a weekday evening at Bad Boyz Pizza, Moline. Check the Calendar of Events for specific dates and locations relating to either group. The evening group has an annual Spring "Bags" tournament, as well as conducting a variety of service and community-based projects including serving at meal sites. At right, the group is shown making holiday greeting cards that they in turn share with assisted living facilities in the area, to spread cheer.
Kiwanis is a global organization of volunteers dedicated to changing the world one child and one community at a time. We are a part of Kiwanis International, one of the three largest service organizations in the world. In addition to participating in community service projects and volunteerism, we participate globally in the Kiwanis International Eliminate" program, in hopes of eliminating maternal neonatal tetanus. (See Kiwanis International.)


text:
Mon: AM - 10.1 miles easy (7:34); It was raining very heavily, so I chickened out and ran on the treadmill. PM - 4.5 miles easy (7:26)
Tue: AM - 8 miles easy with 8x20s pickups (7:06); PM - 4 miles easy (7:41)
Wed: AM - 10.4 miles including 5x5:00 fast, 2:00 easy on rolling hills. Goal was to run around 10k effort and just get a feel for some higher intensity over and down the hills. Covered 5.9 miles for the 35 minute fartlek and averaged 5:28 pace for the faster running. PM - 5.1 miles easy (7:34)
Thu: AM - 8 miles easy (7:24); PM - 3.1 miles easy (7:55)
Fri: 7.8 miles with 8x20s pickups
Sat: 17 miles including 3x3 miles at 5:40-5:45 with .65 jog at 6:15 pace. Last long run and marathon workout before Boston. The last two long runs contained at least 10 miles of continuous marathon pace, so this run was somewhat a reduced marathon workout. The first 3-mile segment felt very smooth with even splits of 5:43s (17:09). On the 2nd segment, I had to stay focus so that I wouldn't drift off pace. I ran 5:42, 5:42 and 5:39 (17:03). This segment didn't feel as easy, but it also wasn't too hard. The last segment is where I felt most controlled. I ran 5:40, 5:40 and 5:38 (16:58). In the last mile, I was averaging 5:35 pace for the first 1/2 mile before I slowed things down. There was no sense of running faster than I needed to. This run was a good confidence booster going into the last taper week. I ran in my new Saucony Boston Freedom ISO, which I plan to race in on Patriot's Day.
Sun: 5 miles easy (7:42)
Weekly Total: 83 miles on 11 runs/ 7 days
I enjoyed this week with the drop in mileage and am looking forward to even more of a drop next week. While 83 miles may still seem like a ton of mileage with just over a week till race day, it really isn't when you think percentage of peak. I peaked at 110 miles during this marathon training cycle, so percentage wise, this training week was only at 75%.
March 27 - April 2
Mon: AM - 9 miles easy with 8x20s pickups (7:13); PM - 5 miles easy (7:20)
Tue: AM - 10.3 miles with 12x2:00 on/1:00 off on rolling hills (6:27). Ran the 2:00 at about 5:00ish track effort. The tough part of this workout, besides the uphills, is the 1:00 minute recovery. They seem to dry up very quickly. I ended up covering 6.1 miles for the 36 min fartlek. PM - 6 miles easy (7:20)
Wed: AM - 8 miles easy (7:35); PM - 4 miles easy (7:52)
Thu: AM - 10.1 miles with 4 miles of 30s fast, 2:30 moderate. Ran the fartlek on a slight rolling hill course with the 30s at 4:45-4:50ish pace and the 2:30 recovery around 6:15 pace. Good workout that didn't take a whole lot out of me. PM - 5 miles easy (7:23)
Fri: AM - 5.6 miles easy (7:22); PM - 7 miles easy (7:16)
Sat: 19 miles long run; 3 miles w/u, 10 miles at 5:45, 1 mile jog, 2x1/2 uphill, 2x1/2 downhill, 2 miles c/d. Felt really good and smooth. Ran a portion of the 10 miles on the 2.1 mile golf course loop and some on the track. Ran 56:26 for the 10 miles, 5:39 pace. Following the MP run, I jogged a mile to Bluntville Ave for the 1/2 mile repeats. Felt pretty strong on the uphill repeats running 2:44 and 2:41 for the 1/2 miles. Instead of the usual double between the uphill/downhill, I only ran a 1/2 mile recovery before the 1x1/2 mile downhill. Ran sub-5:00 pace with a split of 2:26. Got in some pounding on the downhills. Overall, this was an excellent workout, and I finished the run feeling like I could have ran longer and faster. Good sign!
Sun: AM - 7.1 miles easy (7:23); PM - 4 miles easy (7:37)
Weekly Total: 100.2 miles on 13 runs/ 7 days
This was my last really tough week and the last time I'll hit the triple digit mileage for a while. Of the last 14 weeks of training, I had a total of 10 weeks at 100 or more miles.
March 20 - 26
Mon: AM - 10 miles easy with 8x20s pickups (7:07); PM - 5 miles easy (7:28)
Tue: AM - 11.3 miles including 6x1 mile with 1/4 mile jog. Goal was to start at 5:10ish and work down to low-5s. Ran 5:10, 5:09, 5:06, 5:05, 5:06, and 5:06. The first three intervals felt good, but the last three were tough. PM - 6 miles easy (7:27)
Wed: AM - 12 miles with 10 miles moderate over rolling hills working down to 6:00 (6:15). Thought this run was going to feel tough on the legs after yesterday's workout, but that wasn't the case. I actually felt great and averaged 6:05 pace for the last 10 miles. PM - 5 miles easy (7:14)< Thu: AM - 8.1 miles easy (7:15); PM - 6 miles easy (7:20)
Fri: AM - 5.7 miles easy; PM - 6 miles easy with 8x20s pickups on slight hills. Ran four uphill and four downhill pickups. Tough long run tomorrow.
Sat: 24 miles long run; 2 miles w/u, 4 miles each at 6:10, 6:00, 5:50, 5:40, and 5:35, 2 miles c/d. This was a tough and strong long run workout. The first and second 4 mile sections felt very smooth and comfortable. On the third 4-mile section at 5:50, I still felt okay, but it wasn't a walk in the park. The 4th 4-miles at 5:40 felt a little tough, but I had no problems hitting the paces. On the last 4-miles, I split 5:34 for the first mile, but could not hang on for the last three. I was only able to run 5:39, 5:41 and 5:41 pace. My 4-mile splits were 24:30 (6:07), 23:52 (5:59), 23:10 (5:47), 22:40 (5:40), and 22:36 (5:39).
Sun: AM - 8 miles easy (7:27); PM - 3.2 miles easy (7:32)
Weekly Total: 110.4 miles on 13 runs/ 7 days
Wow, what a great week of training! It was my second time hitting 110 miles during this marathon training cycle. I definitely got in a good variety of workouts and volume.
March 13 - 19
Mon: AM - 9 miles easy with 6x20s pickups (7:09); PM - 5 miles easy (7:28)
Tue: AM - 12.6 miles including 3, 2.5, and 2 miles tempo with 800 rec jog. The goal was 5:25 pace for the 3 miles, 5:15 pace for the 2.5 miles and 5:10 for the 2 miles. It was freezing cold (24 deg with real-feel of 13) and the legs never felt it could run faster than 5:25ish pace. I wasn't breathing hard, I just couldn't push the pace. On the 2.5 mile tempo, not much changed and I still ran 5:25 pace instead of 5:15s. When the legs started to feel very heavy on the last lap of the 2.5 miles, I decided to call it the day. The legs obviously was not recovered from the rolling hills long run. PM - 4.1 miles easy (7:34)
Wed: AM - 4 miles easy (7:56); PM - 12 miles progression working down to 6:00 pace (6:31)
Thu: AM - 8 miles easy (7:14); PM - 4.4 miles easy (7:20)
Fri: AM - 8 miles easy with a mile of in/outs (7:11); PM - 4 miles easy (7:20)
Sat: AM - 18.5 miles long run with 60 min fartlek of 3:00 fast, 3:00 steady over rolling hills. Averaged 5:31 pace (5.4 miles) for the fast sections and 6:15 pace (4.8 miles) for the steady recovery. This was a tough, but good workout for the Boston course. PM - 4.4 miles easy (7:38)
Sun: AM - 6.2 miles easy (7:48); PM - 4.8 miles easy (7:31)
Weekly Total: 105 miles on 14 runs/ 7 days
Finally back in the triple digit mileage.
March 6 - 12
Mon: AM - 6 miles easy (7:17); the plan was 9 miles with pickups, but I was short on time. PM - DNR; move-in day to our new home.
Tue: AM/PM - DNR; big fat ZERO for the day. The house is littered with boxes and unpacking them seemed more important than running. Well, in all honesty, I was too exhausted to fit in a run. Hopefully, this won't become a habit.
Wed: AM - 13.5 miles including 5x1 mile with 1/4 slow jog, 1 mile jog, 4x1/4 mile downhill at 5k effort. Goal was 5:10ish or just under for the mile repeats. Ran the mile repeats on a 1/2 mile path (out and back), because the high school track right across the street from my house doesn't allow anyone besides students to use the track. Man, I was pissed! Anyways, I ran 5:09, 5:08, 5:06, 5:06 and 5:06 for the mile repeats. The last two reps were tough. For the 1/4 mile downhill, the goal was to beat up the legs. That I did. Ran 67, 66, 68, and 68. PM - 6.6 miles easy (7:28); 20 mile day.
Thu: AM - 10.1 miles easy (7:03); PM - 5.1 miles easy (7:22); ran into the high school track coach and got permission to use the track for future workouts.
Fri: 11.1 miles including fartlek of 10x2:00 on/2:00 off on rolling terrain (6:38); Averaged 5:13 pace for the on's and 7:21 for the recovery. Tough session after only one easy day between workouts. PM - 4.7 miles easy (7:31)
Sat: AM - 8.1 miles easy (7:47); PM - 4.9 miles easy(7:55);
Sun: 22.2 miles long run on rolling hills (6:37); exploring new routes in the area.
Weekly Total: 92.3 miles on 10 runs/ 6 days.
This was supposed to be a high mileage week (~110), but I missed three runs.
February 27 - March 5
Mon: AM - 8.2 miles easy (7:18); PM - DNR; travel to Disney
Tue: AM - 10.5 miles easy with 8x20s pickups; went from running in winter conditions in KC to warm and humid conditions in Florida. PM - 4.8 miles easy (7:37); late night run after spending the day at Disney. Legs are beat from walking all day. I really wanted to skip out on my 2nd run, but I've missed too many of them the past week.
Wed: AM - 12.2 miles with failed fartlek of 10x3:00 on/ 1:30 jog. Goal was to run the 3:00 starting at 5:25 pace and work down. I knew this was going to be a tough workout to complete because I was already feeling exhausted before I started the run. I ran the first three repeats at 5:23, 5:21, and 5:21 pace, but the effort felt a lot harder. After running only a 5:39 pace for the 4th rep, I decided to call it the day. Ended up running the remaining miles as a long cooldown. PM - DNR; was planning on running 3-4 miles very easy, but again the legs were beat from Disney.
Thu: AM - 11 miles easy (7:20); too tired to wake up early so I end up suffering in the Florida heat. PM - DNR; tough workout on Saturday, so I'm giving the legs some rest.
Fri: AM - DNR; travel back to KC. PM - 5.4 miles easy (7:19); legs feel back to life.
Sat: 23.1 miles including 5x2.5 miles at 5:40-5:45 pace with .65 miles jog at sub 6:20 pace. Successful workout. Ran the 2.5 miles in 14:22 (5:45 pace), 14:19 (5:44), 14:11 (5:40), 14:12 (5:41), 14:04 (5:38) and the .65 miles recovery jogs in 4:03 (6:14 pace), 4:05 (6:17), 4:04 (6:15), 4:03 (6:14), and 3:55 (6:02). Was really glad to nail this workout after feeling exhausted throughout the week.
Sun: AM - 8.1 miles easy (7:29); PM - 4.6 miles easy (7:41)
Weekly Total: 88 miles on 9 runs/ 7 days
This week was the most tired I've felt in a long time. At first I thought I'd have no problems getting in my runs because I'm on vacation. Unfortunately, vacation doesn't actually mean rest, especially if it's a vacation to Disney World. Ha! I had a ton of fun with my family, so it's all worth it.
February 20 - 26
Mon: AM - 10.2 miles with 8x30s fast, 2:30 at 6:15 pace (6:41). I enjoy this fartlek run, because you get in some fast running while teaching the body to recover at a moderate pace. Covered 4.05 miles (5:55 pace) for the fartlek section. PM - 6.1 miles easy (7:49)
Tue: AM - 8.7 miles easy (7:24); PM - 6 miles easy (7:31)
Wed: AM - 13.1 miles including 6 miles alternating 5:45 and 5:10 pace. Goal was to alternate a mile at around marathon and 10k effort. This was an intense workout towards the end, but I managed to get through it. The toughest part of the workout was trying to recover following the faster miles. I'd feel like I was going into oxygen debt during the start of the 2nd and 3rd slower miles, but would finally recover after about 600m. Ran splits of 5:44, 5:11, 5:45, 5:10, 5:46, and 5:06. PM - DNR; moving day.
Thu: AM - 10 miles easy (7:15); last run in Maryland. PM - DNR; road trip begins.
Fri: AM - 11.3 miles with 7.3 miles moderate (6:13); first stop on the long road trip from Maryland to Kansas. Ran on the Caperton Trail in West Virginia. PM - DNR
Sat: AM - 8.5 miles easy (7:27); it was 35 deg, rainy and 30mph winds in Terre Haute IN. Treadmill was much better than suffering in the cold.
Sun: 24 miles long run (6:19); with the past few days of travel and missed 2nd runs, my plan was to try and get in a long run of at least 20 miles when I arrived in Kansas City and before flying out for a short vacation tomorrow. Felt amazingly good and smooth throughout the run.
Weekly Total: 98 miles on 9 runs/ 7 days
Not too bad of a week considering I spent three days traveling from MD to KS. I do wish I would have gotten out for a short run on Thu or Fri to put me over 100 miles.
February 13 - 19
Mon: AM - 5.4 miles easy (7:36). Very windy. PM - 8 miles moderate (6:20); holy windy, 20 mph winds with gusts up to 30mph. Felt sluggish in the first mile, but smooth the rest of the run, even with the windy conditions.
Tue: AM - 8 miles easy (7:28); PM - 6 miles easy (7:56)
Wed: AM - 11.7 miles with 20x1:00 on/off fartlek. Started around 5:10 pace and worked down to 4:55ish pace for the 1:00s. Averaged 5:00 pace for the on's and 7:32 for the recoveries. PM - 6 miles easy (7:21)
Thu: AM - 10 miles easy (7:02); PM - 5.8 miles easy (8:56); my last run with the lunch run group on Aberdeen Proving Ground. It's been fun running with these guys.
Fri: AM - 6 miles easy (7:44); PM - 4.2 miles easy (7:31)
Sat: AM - 22 miles long run (6:29); started out easy and worked down to upper 5s by the end. Ran in Arlington, VA on the Mt. Vernon Trail.
Sun: AM - 7 miles easy (7:37); PM - Did not run; getting the house ready for the packers tomorrow.
Weekly Total: 100.2 miles on 12 runs/ 7 days
This week's training was a little more conservative and I'm glad it was. This was my last week stationed at APG, and between work out-processing and preparing for the movers, things were pretty busy and stressful.


text:
Reading about the altercation between Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez and the team's traveling secretary made me think to the Shawn Chacon incident in Houston.
Yes, what Chacon did was wrong, but Ramirez wasn't exactly an angel. Where Chacon was released, Ramirez didn't so much as get a slap on the wrist. Why is this? Because Chacon is expendable and Ramirez isn't and no matter how wrong he was the secretary would be shown the door much quicker.
Sometimes I've encountered players home or away that carry that same degree of invincibility. Why? Because they played in the majors or received a nice bonus?
This is one of, if not my biggest, concern with minor league baseball players.
Maybe this is just Manny being Manny and assaulting a team staff member is cleared in the team handbook.
It's just annoying.
Good morning, sports fans: Penn State football No. 20 most important player and change in defense for the Eagles - Penn State football PennLive beat writer Bob Flounders talks about the Nittany Lions' No. 20 most important player for 2013. And what will the Philadelphia...
5 years ago


text: This is the muster of Company I of the 2nd Florida Cavalry as taken from the Soldiers of Florida. A. Smith Captain S.A.Parramore Captain J.N. Horn 2nd Lieutenant A.A. Griffin 3rd Lieutenant Enlisted Men Albritton, John Adams, Dennis Adams, R.W. Allen, Henry Bannum, W.B. Bishop, Joseph Blanton, David F. Bunling, A.B. Calvin, Davis Carlton, Thomas A. Carlton, I.P. Carter, J. Carter, J.W. Caraway, William H. Caraway, W.P. Cave, I.W. Coker, B. Coker, T.J. Collins, F.M. Collins, George C. Collins, J.H. Cone, W.R. Dean, J.W. Earnest, E. Earnest, N.W. Ellison, T.T. Ezell, J.W. Farnell, C.P. Ferrell, E.J. Fields, A.T. Finnegan, J.R. Flowers, J.W. Griffin, W.D. Grubbs, W.H. Hampton, G.W. Hamilton, I.A. Hampton, J.J. Hampton, J.L. Hampton, I.W. Hulett, W. Hendry, J.W. Hendry, Robert W. Henderson, Edward H. Henderson, Jasper M. Hines, H.B. Howard, W.F. Jelks, N.P. Jenkins, R.D. Johnson, I.B. Johnson, T.A. Johnson, W.P. Jones, O.D. Lipscomb, John Lipscomb, William C. Loper, Curtis A. Lundy, James T. McCall, J.H. McCall, M.P. McMullen, David McMullen, E.H. McMullen, Thomas J. McPherson, J.J. Mathis, John H. Mayd, I.W. Mays, R.J. Morse, John R. Oneal, C.C. Oneal, John W. O'Quinn, A.M. Overstreet, G.W. Paulling, G.W. Pierce, S. Poppell, Brinkley Randell, Theodore Robinson, J.B. Roebuck, J.H. Roulhoe, Jas. Blount G. Rowell, John Shaw, J.A. Shaw, J.T. Sheffield, I.B. Shiver, Isaac Slaughter, Moses W. Slaughter, U.W. Smith, D.R. Smith, L.D. Smith, W.J.] Spradley, Richard Strickland, M.F. Strickland, William W. Sutten, J.T. Talbert, D.M. Tatem, J.F. Thigpen, W. Thomaston, John C. Tillis, Richard Tillman, J. Tucker, Jordan Vickers, Ephraim Wadsworth, B.D. Wallace, F.M. Ward, Council Ward, Evan W. Ward, Isaiah Ward, John Ward, William H. Whitlock, W.W. Wilder, William W. Witt, W.W. Wordsworth, D.D. Worrell, George


text:
Excerpt: "...The mayor of the city of Ulanbaatar, Mongolia wants to have these 100s of maps to reference when he begins budget planning in a couple weeks: budget plans that will continue for the next 5 years. aka, Budget plans that can make or break the rural, poor, shanty gers in question. It isn't just that you need to make them look pretty...."
I spent 6 wonderful years studying at the University of Wisconsin-Madison - triple majoring in Geography w/ Emphasis on People/Environment Interactions, Cartography & GIS, and Spanish Linguistics for my undergrad, followed by a MS in Cartrography & GIS at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. During those 6 years, I produced a wide array of projects, including but not limited to print and interactive maps, posters, responsive web sites, and coding programs for very many class labs and projects.
My interest in Geography and Cartography already was well established as a senior at UW-Madison, so much so that I decided to go to graduate school (as mentioned above)! Before undergraduate graduation, I was given the opportunity to work for the UW-Madison Cartography Lab... which became my new Cartographic home for the next few years. There, I served the geographic analysis and design needs of the UW system, government agencies, authors and publishers, as well as many commercial clients. I also provided complete graphic design services for print brochures and books, online maps and websites, and interactive maps.
Under UW-Madison Cartography Lab employment, created any necessary graphic designs for the History of Cartography Project's 6th book volume, ranging from maps to diagrams and infographics. www.geography.wisc.edu/histcart/series.html#v6
For a fast paced 10 days I was the cartographic design expert, leader, and teacher, while also giving cartographic technical support for The Asia Foundation during formal and informal working meetings with government, private sector, and non-governmental leaders, and technical staff. I helped o make maps of the government's data to visually communicate the needs of the impoverished ger communities, while also restructuring the production process. Check out the blog I have linked on this site for more information!
In August, I took a step up and became the Project Assistant for the UW-Cartography lab, where I managed and led multiple projects requiring geographic analysis and design needs of the UW system, government agencies, authors and publishers as well as many commercial clients, in addition to any other regular Cartography Lab needs, as mentioned below. Additionally, also trained other cartographers as needed.
In April I packed my bags and left Wisconsin and moved to DC, where I currently provide geospatial services to USAID/OFDA's humanitarian work in
the form of maps and graphics, geospatial analysis, and technical team projects.
I also collaborate closely with OFDA, peers in U.S Government agencies, the humanitarian community, the academic sphere, and the private sector.
Additionally: recreating many of OFDA's map specs to not only enhance the products aesthetically, but aid in faster decision making through better visual understanding of underlying data through the design changes.


text:
I'm looking forward to my new customer order for a soy vest kit in Luxor. Inspired to put together a fun one-of-a-kind mix of fibres to inspire.
Colourways This Week:
Friar Tuck, Luxor, and McLaren Vale (see last week's posts)
There will be a few serendipity skeins in the mix. Here's a new yarn I'm experimenting with at the moment:
Laceweight Tencel (100% wood pulp) -- feels like cotton this one --
The photos don't really get across the painted nature of this skein, which has a mix of blues, moonta (brown w/orange undertones), and Puna, a light purple.


text:
Well hello there readership of maybe one or two people.
I went on holiday. And it was fabulous. And I went to libraries and took pictures. However, that is for another post.
In Australia we are well into summer. I am sweltering. It is 10am and 29C and should be hitting 41 today. Ugh. So I want to get into the pool asap.
But my friend Abigail said that I needed to do a post so here it is.
Although my blog was supposed to be about the books I get from the library, I have actually made a little pledge with myself that I am not to get any more books from the library because I have a whole stack sitting beside my bed that I have not read and just never seem to get around to. So I am planning on working my way through these bad boys.
And I got a dog!! Which is irrelevant for my blog but super important for my life. She already hates photoshoots but if she is to be my dog, she must learn to love them. Ally, you have about fifteen years of photoshoots to look forward to…
This pic is from instagram when I got tagged to post all my blue coloured books.
Who am I kidding? I can't stay away from the library. I got these ones out last week…
I am about fifty pages into "Code Name Verity" by Elizabeth Wein and not loving it at the moment. Two of my favourite book people absolutely adore this book so maybe I had high expectations but I am persevering. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also, one of the other books I got out from the library is the first in a series… so I'll probably have to get the remaining ones out too…


text:
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Blowing in the Wind
I stepped onto the front porch and looked up at the patch of sky I could see. Gray clouds raced past but I couldn't see the horizon and the storm clouds piling up. I returned to yoga.
As I attempted a cat stretch, I heard gusts of wind whip through the trees and my phone rang.
"What's it doing there?" asked my husband who was a few miles away downtown.
"Blowing," I said. "Is there a tornado warning?"
Last week we had a surprise tornado warning and the weather service reported eight tornadoes in the state.
Just as Earl was giving me the weather report, Spencer slammed in the back door cursing the car.
"The door won't close," he said. "I had to drive home holding onto the door and I almost died."
"You have to fix it," he bellowed at me.
"Look at me. I'm 5-foot, 4. How can I fix it if you can't?" I asked.
He continued to rant and I told him to come with me. The sky was grayish purple as I knelt down to look at the car door. The latch that usually opened to release the door was stuck closed. I poked at the metal latch while Spencer talked on the phone to Earl and the thunder began to rumble.
Spencer handed me the phone and Earl went into a long explanation while lightning speared from the sky. Spencer and I winced and I ran into the garage to get a tool --something sharp and metal to pry the latch with. I always look for something metal to hold while I'm standing outside in a thunderstorm.
The latch wouldn't budge. I held the phone in one hand and pried at the metal latch with the other. Then the tornado sirens began to whine.
I handed the phone to Spencer. The car was parked behind the garage which slants down toward the alley. The driver's side was on the downhill so the unlatched door was hanging open blocking the way of other cars that might come down the alley.
"I'm going to turn the car around so the door isn't in the alley," I told Spencer. Make sure the door doesn't hit the garage."
He stood next to the garage as I began maneuvering the car.
A tan canvas umbrella that usually shades our neighbor's outdoor table came soaring over her wrought iron fence and landed in the alley.
"Grab the umbrella," I called to Spencer through the open door; the tornado sirens continued to screech.
I saw Spencer struggle with the umbrella and the neighbor joined him while I turned the car into a partial driveway and backed out then pulled forward and backed out, holding onto the car door the whole time.
I pulled the car in behind the garage and the slant kept the driver-side door closed.
"Go to the basement," I told Spencer while I exchanged dire storm warnings with the neighbor.
After huddling in the basement for half an hour and watching on TV as the pink, red, yellow and orange colored radar passed the city, we came back upstairs to a little rain and a few sticks in the yard.
September is not supposed to be tornado season. Tornado season stretches through the spring and June. Two tornado warnings in a week as we enter autumn must mean that something is up with the weather.
If it weren't so beautiful and thrilling, I'd be tired of it.
3 comments:
- Linda said...
Good grief. Wouldn't you know you'd have to be out there in the lightening with a metal tool.
- Lucia said...
It is beautifully dangerous, I'm in awe of mother nature. We had the big thunderstorm on Wednesday morning around 2 am, wind, thunder that shook me awake and constant lightening flasheds, I'm sure there must have been a tornado somewhere in the works. My old car door used to not latch properly I used to give it a good wack on the handle before I got in and it would work. Good luck.
I bet this would have been quite comical to watch.
I love storms too. Did you see the double rainbow after the storms blew through?
Coffee and Markets and Les Bleus
On many mornings, my husband walks the half mile to town and meets with a friend for coffee. It's a nice, retired guy activity. And I a...
So on Wednesday, I said goodbye to my stoic sons who loom over me, bending down to hug me, but those of you who have read my blog regularly ...
Our friend Najah had to fly back to Ohio on Wednesday. Her flight left Paris at noon, so we decided that at 6:30 a.m. train that reached the...
What happens if you plan your life around a dream and then it doesn't live up to the expectations? Well, I've had a rough start...


text:
Dear Dairy,
I think the writer's retreat held by my agent starts today. I'm a little fuzzy on things like that right now. Matter of fact, it took ten minutes to figure out it was Sunday. And like always, ten seconds after my eyes opened, the flood of reality hit. Gwen is gone.
Last night I slept the most I have since...probably Wednesday night. I have only a few memories of Tuesday in the early morning when Gwen left me. I don't remember calling my son in hysterics, I don't remember him being here when they took Gwen away, or him driving me to the hospital. I don't remember talking to the coroner or any doctors. I do remember being shown to a room where Gwen was on a table. They must have cleaned up her face a lot since she fell. Her head was crooked, so I straightened it out and kissed her one last time. I squeezed her cold hand and told her I loved her.
God, people are going to hate me for saying all this stuff.
Mornings are the worst. I took my anti-anxiety meds but nothing yet. Still fear, loneliness, and the battle to make myself realize she isn't coming back. I'm crying now, writing about it, but it seems to be important to write. Yesterday a friend said I should write a book about this. I went nuclear on her because people always say that about tragedy and I think it's stupid. Right now, I want to be numb. I don't want to relive it all through ten revisions of a manuscript.
Tomorrow to the bank to raid my CD for the money to pay for Gwen's urn and cremation and whatnot. It's expensive but money is water right now. Maybe I'll try to get the neighbors together to speak about how they felt about her. Then the $900 urn will go in a closet so I don't see it all the time. We never made any mutual plans so I don't know what else to do.
She has a memorial page at http://www.mitchell-jerdan.com/ You can make comments, light a virtual candle, read the abbreviated obituary I had to write for reasons I can't share, at least not now.
Thursday the grief support group meets at the hospital. I will go but I don't know that it will help. What can they do about my horrible loneliness, my fears for the future?
Gwen and I have been living under a mountain of stress since 2008, when my father told he was being robbed and he wanted me to help him get it back. Shortly after, we started hearing I was disinherited. When he died, that turned out to be a lie. But a crooked accountant put two codicils in the will that basically take my inheritance and my sons'. Gwen dealt mostly with my attorneys to protect me from further harm and worry. And just when it seemed we were on the verge of final victory, Gwen left me all alone. We had just planned a new house in a new town, Gwen picked out a lot she wanted, and we hoped to build a new life, hopefully without so much stress.
Gwen had a minister friend who I think is going to school near my writer buddies' retreat. I told him I had killed Gwen by letting her get involved. But he said, very wisely, that Gwen chose to share my life, that she chose to share my burden, and she chose to take the lead in the legal matters. And that's true. Gwen's mother told me how happy she was to do things for me and try to keep me from harm.
Now my protector is gone. Sometimes I want to follow her, wherever she went, and be with her again.
Being a collection of random thoughts by a writer who seems to attract weirdness.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
3 comments:
- Bev. Cooke said...
We don't hate you for writing this stuff. We love you and we wish we could be there to hold you and hug you and help you make it through this. You're in our thoughts and prayers. Keep writing this stuff. It will help.
- July 15, 2012 at 3:10 PM
- Princess said...
Geri and I offer our deepest condolences for your loss of Gwen.
- July 22, 2012 at 7:20 PM
- Sallyanne Ofner said...
- This comment has been removed by the author.
- July 22, 2012 at 8:24 PM
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text:
Fighting back and having conflict at all usually just isn't worth it to me (Even though in some cases it probably should be). Instead, I'll let you do what you want to do, say what you want to say, and keep what you have stolen from me and I'll run to my secret place.
I wish I was at the beach right this very second.
Why the beach?
There is never a moment when I am at the beach where I can deny that there is a God.
(if you can I think that takes more effort)
It's like a breath of fresh air.


text:
Gooseberry Pickle /Nellikka/Amla Pickle
18 Comments:
Yummy and delicious pickle. nice presentationReplyDelete
Yum ...looks tangy n temptingReplyDelete
Ramya, don't worry even i have grey hair :-( just 1 or 2 thankfully has not spread...They say it could be cos of harsh chemical shampoos we use / hereditary... will sure have gooseberry although I am not a great fan of it. Loved your clicksReplyDelete
Chicken Tikka~ Today's Special
Visit Cook like Priya
My Dear - It happens to the best of us. I too faced this a few years ago and my Mom reponded "only 1 grey hair?... not to worry that'll soon change!!".ReplyDelete
My only solace is the friendly neighbourhood hair picker :-)
That pickle looks delicious..loved ur drama by d way..ReplyDelete
wow Ramya mouthwatering here,pls parcel some:)ReplyDelete
Yummy tangy pickle!!ReplyDelete
Droooool.....love the pickle....I am a total nellikka addict. We have a bottle of juice with mint and nellikka in the fridge always....its like staple part of our diet....has so many benefits. May be i shud put the juice recipe on my blog too :) neva tot of that till i saw ur post :)ReplyDelete
Wonderful and lovely pickle. Tasty and Tangy recipe.ReplyDelete
Tongue tickling pickle...looks absolutely deliciousReplyDelete
Ramya dont worry its means you are getting more wiser:), irresistible pickle,inviting.ReplyDelete
lovely pickle... anytime with roti or curd rice.. yummmmmmmReplyDelete
Oh gosh!!! What yummy pickle. I just looooved the jar :)ReplyDelete
Oh yum! a tongue tickler - to think that we had the small nellikai maram in our backyard growing up!!!Mom used to make this all the time - never appreciated it then, but wish I could try it now :)ReplyDelete
vayil vellam vanittu vayya....slurp...too good.ReplyDelete


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Ophelia Chong's Collage Artwork
Photoshop smhotoshop! Artist Ophelia Chong makes art the honest-to-goodness way: with some paper, blades and a cup of tea! This one above is called Caterina Cries, inspired by Sposalizio Di Si Caterina by Bernardino Luini (1470-1533) .
Here's a Flickr photoset of her beautiful collages: Link | Ophelia's Blog - via Metafilter
Newest 2 Comments
No - Neatorama showcases a lot of cool artworks.
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is this a plug for a friend's artwork?
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text:
This book is trash!
I am highly suspicious of the five-star reviews for this book. I may be wrong, but their tone is so similar it makes me wonder if they have been written by the author herself?
"A Family Forever" is the trashiest book I have ever read. Although you shouldn't take my word for it, nonetheless I would advise that before you waste your money on this travesty, I suggest you borrow it from your library or your local bookstore when you've got a couple hours to kill, sit down and read it - for free. I guess like me you'll find Coulter's writing style crass.
This is not a book review. It's a transparent attempt to wound me. But rather than sinking deep into my flesh, this clumsy sword blow glanced off my armor. Read the second half of the review, and then I'll explain:
I don't feel easy about about writing this bad review and in the spirit of fair criticism, I have to say that I could write several pages here on what is wrong with this novel, but I don't wanna be bothered with giving up my precious time to this kind of trash.
I can't recommend this book, unless you are on a desert island and "A Family Forever" is the only book swept into your unfortunate hands by the sea. Give yourself a break, don't buy it!!!
As an Amazon customer and frequent review reader, I give no consideration to book reviews that say "it's awful, and the author's an idiot" but offer no evidence to back up the first assertion, let alone the second. If you want to convince me that a book is bad, give it two stars and tell me about the plot holes or provide examples of the unrealistic dialogue. If you can't explain why the book is awful, I'll dismiss your opinion as irrelevant. A one-star review that reads like a preschooler's tantrum doesn't make me think, it just makes me roll my eyes.
It's no different when the book being trashed is my book. This hit-and-run review by an individual who cloaks herself in anonymity and who has never reviewed any other book at Amazon isn't the kind of criticism I take seriously. It's likely that "User 124" is someone who was ticked off by something I wrote on this blog or elsewhere online and whose pettiness drove her to seek revenge via a scathing review. That's why her inept little rant wrung a snort of derision from me rather than the spate of bitter tears she was so clearly hoping for.
If asked by a book's author, Amazon will remove reviews that contain plot spoilers and those that viciously attack the author. If someone wrote, "Brenda Coulter is a Nazi," I would demand that the review be deleted. But I won't be complaining to Amazon about the review by User 124. She hasn't violated Amazon's policy and is free to conceal her identity and trash any book she likes (and here it should be pointed out that one need not purchase a book from Amazon in order to review it there). Besides, if we authors could get rid of every unflattering review on Amazon, the good ones would become less valuable.
If you know an author who has been crushed by a mean-spirited review at Amazon or elsewhere online, I hope you'll assure her that the vast majority of readers are intelligent enough to recognize and dismiss these smallminded, heavy-handed attempts to damage authors' reputations. The only people made to look stupid by such reviews are the people who write them.


text:
Thinking, praying ...
For Syria.
The refugees.
The children's hospital.
The fires in Canada.
For every one weeping and mourning ...
Despite all the tragedies that are ongoing in this beloved world of ours, our Lady weeps because so many of her children just don't care, don't believe, are intoxicated by pleasure, reputation, fame and money.
I mean all one has to do is look at the MET Gala pictures to see they beau monde could care less about what truly matters ... if I am to go by their appearance, well, vanity and self-importance reigns ... not God.
A perfect yet tired example of a bloated personality:
May our Lady's tears tear at our core before it's too late ...
Please comment with charity and avoid ad hominem attacks. I exercise the right to delete comments I find inappropriate. If you use your real name there is a better chance your comment will stay put.


text:
Things that I'm grateful for.. right this very minute.
1. That I didn't pass out when I was singing my FIRST EVER SOLO last night at my choir concert.
2. Popcorn
3. Blue socks that come up to my knees
4. Seminary/YW/ all things LDS
5. Cars
6. That I'm able to do my homework... even if it takes longer then I would like
7. My fingers... because I can play the piano with them
9. Snow
10. Warm coats and gloves
11. Vintage-ey things


text:
One year ago today I started Up From the Ashes and what a year it has been. I was just looking back at the first post, statement of intent, and the blog has changed from what I meant for it to be, however the central purpose behind the blog has not changed. In the beginning it was about me struggling with my issues and trying to understand what I can do to make my life better. While finding the flaws was a good public exercise, a blog full of I went to class today, I did not procrastinate, would be boring to read and boring to write. Along the way I have tried to share some of the victories, some of the goals and some of the stumbling blocks I have faced.
To day I am going to share some of the accomplishments I have made in the last year. Things have really been coming togather in the last few months I have started writing for the junior college newspaper the Oak Leaf. After a short time here I have progressed to being the Opinion Editor and I help to write editorials, news, opinion and feature articles. Below are links to a number of the articles I have written this semester
Every issue I have a column in which I write about technology and students. The first one listed below is my most recent published column on the necessity of connectivity for most people today. The second story from the column is about online classes and this column earned me an invitation to the District Online Committee, the committee that advises the school on online education.
Necessities in the Information Age
Online Classes Need a Makeover
I am also linking to some of the regular articles that I have written for the paper. The first is a look at the state budget that was passed and how it affects students. The second is a restaurant review I did for the coffee shop across the street from my school.
California Senate Passes Record Late Budget
Also I have been working for We the People, now Gay Sonoma.com , I have a column there called Everybody's Business where I interview local gay business owners about their lives and business.
I am working in my desired field, and making progress to bigger and better writing projects. Change is possible, change is necessary and we can be the change we want in our life.


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shame spiral into lemon-y goodness
I am obsessed with all things lemon, mainly lemon sweets and desserts. I see no point in buying any lemon curd other than Duchy Originals by Prince Charles himself. On the labels of your average lemon curd you can't even find "lemons" listed as an ingredient. I wish I was kidding.
Imagine my surprise when I read this on the back of my Duchy Originals jar (whilst standing with my teaspoon ready to scoop):
"Delicious served in pies and puddings, on ice-cream or yogurt or even by the spoonful straight from the jar."
...how did they know??


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Dwarf Gorse: the eastern goorse | Nature Notes from Dorset
When walking on dry, sandy heathland in late summer you will see gorse growing close to the ground. It is easy to think that this is gorse that has been cut or burned regenerating but the truth is that it is a totally different species to the common gorse, it is dwarf gorse (Ulex minor).Dwarf gorse is more closely related to western gorse than European gorse and is sometimes called eastern gorse because of the variation in regions in which they are found. In Dorset they overlap and are found together but although having similar pale yellow flowers and sharp, intense spines they should be identifiable purely on size, dwarf gorse growing no higher than a metre whereas western gorse rarely flowers until well over that height.
Read more: Dwarf Gorse: the eastern goorse | Nature Notes from Dorset


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April 22nd and April 23rd
Phillips Garden, the avant-garde landscape firm in Minneapolis (and home to the only rooftop weeHouse!), is offering two days of free garden and landscape advice by staff landscape architects, designers and horticulturists. weeKnows their work is fabulous ... check out the Goodrich Bungalow backyard!
This is a great opportunity to get a feel of what a professional service can offer you as well as unlock the potential of your own home landscape.
"Many homeowners don't know where to begin", says Tyler Grissman, lead designer who has been with the firm for 8 years. "In addition to helping people see potential in their landscape, we can also help them understand the process and advantages of hiring a landscape design/build company".Interested homeowners are encouraged to bring photos, layouts and measurements with them as well as a list of their own thoughts and needs. Advance sign up is recommended.


text:
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Charles Flowers, suburban regional schools superintendent, arrested and charged with corruption
Charles Flowers, Superintendent of the Suburban Cook County Regional Office of Education, turned himself into authorities today on charges of public corruption, officials said today.
Flowers is alleged to have stolen thousands of dollars from the bankrupt agency. He and the agency are also owe $190,000 loaned by the Cook County Board that was never repaid.
County Commissioner Elizabeth "Liz" Doody Gorman praised the arrest. Gorman was the only commissioner who opposed the loan when it was first brought before the board, and last year, the entire board reversed itself and joined Gorman in condemning Flowers' alleged mismanagement of the office.
"As a suburban commissioner, I worked closely with his predecessor Robert Ingraffia which gave me familiarity and perspective of the office so when Flowers came to the county board asking for the loan I did my due diligence and was made aware of some alleged questionable practices taking place in his office. That's why I stood my ground and was the only commissioner to vote "No" and oppose the $190,000 loan to Flowers." In July, a civil suit was brought against Flowers and the agency by the state's attorney's office for failing to repay this $190,000 loan from the county.
"It's such a shame that the voters chose to replace a well-respected career educator and a man with the highest integrity like Robert Ingraffia with an alleged criminal like Charles Flowers."
State's Attorney Anita Alvarez is expected to formally announce criminal charges against Flowers at a press conference this afternoon.
The charges are the result of a separate criminal probe into allegations that he used agency funds for his own personal gain. Last year, a state audit found that the agency was $1 million in debt and accused Flowers of using a work credit card for personal use as well as giving a $6,000 advance to a relative he hired to work for him.
-- Ray Hanania
Labels: Anita Alvarez, Charles Flowers, corruption charges, Elizabeth "Liz" Doody Gorman, suburban regional schools superintendent
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text:
I've posted it here once before a couple of years ago, but wanted to repost. I was looking for it for a friend and thought sharing it might be of some use. It's one way we are mothers -- a loss that is often kept very private. If you want to read more voices on this subject, this is the anthology: About What Was Lost: 20 Writers on Miscarriage, Healing, and Hope. When the editor approached me to contribute, I said I could only write the essay with my husband, Dave. And here it is.
On Having Children, on Miscarriage, on Desire and Fear (and this Marriage):
A Conversation Between Husband and Wife
A Conversation Between Husband and Wife
From Julianna to Dave:
I can hear people whispering that we've taken more than our share – as if children were our sustenance and we're fattened already and still thinking about lapping the buffet for a fourth time. And on my last trip to the city to visit my lifelong girlfriends, New Yorkers for a decade now, all childless, there is a feeling of starvation, a desperation like that of the Great Depression. If I talk of our three kids, even lightly, the room churns with emotion.
Do you and I have a great hunger? If so, for what?
We've both confessed that we're afraid of the way the world demands that we hand our children over. The more children we have the more we have to fear. Does fear work this way? Is it exponential? But, not only fear. Deciding to have a child is saying yes to more – more joy, more grief, more love, confusion, noise ...
And, the truth is, that the fear begins now. We already have four children – there's the one we lost. I don't tell you how he still exists. He's a boy, tall, thin, with twisted legs. He's five years old now. In August, I feel the emptiness of a birthday that has no birth.
From David to Julianna
Here's where I linger: you've told me it's my turn to write, so I sit with the laptop on my thighs and begin to settle in when the door opens. It's you, my love. The great love of my life, my desire, my leg, my nourishment. What's that? I can't quite make it out because of your laryngitis. You look like you're scolding me. "My god," you whisper, "don't put that thing on your lap. They say it causes infertility."
I love the way you protect me, and by protecting me, trying to give me more. You shake your head at our friends who've been snipped. The vasectomy–the great end of possibilities. What if, you say, I die, and your new wife has never had a child and wants to have children with you. See how you're always giving to me, even in your imagined death. Death has come to us before. Your great aunts, my grandfather, who I barely knew, the neighbor girl who died in a sledding accident, and our friend, the suicide. We have loved our way through all this sadness.
And the baby...he was mine, too. As if the blackness on the ultrasound was a something that could so easily be taken away, but it wasn't. I had to call your father and tell him. I said, "This baby didn't make it." And for the first time, I had failed a child. What hadn't I done right? How could I have forgotten to help you: vitamins, exercise, vegetables. How could I have given you the wrong seed? I wish I hadn't -- for all the pain it caused you, caused both of us. And still here I am, cocked for you. Aiming at you what has become (not to sound too melodramatic but ...) a dangerous weapon. I want more, in the face of what I know. It's not money or stuff. It's not the diapers or the sleeplessness or the pride in that first step. (Since I've been the one at home among the chaos of kids for years now, I'm not saying any of this with a blind eye to the reality.)It's more of you that I want. One more angle, one more topic of conversation, one more knowing sigh we share in the day before we both fall asleep. You're waving at me now, across the room, your voice only guttural and shushing. Don't speak. Get your voice back. I want to talk to you about this next baby and the one we lost. Remember that wedding we went to, where the mother of the groom said she was meant to have more children – and she'd had six boys? We've wondered about that statement for years. I feel meant to have another child, I feel meant for the dizzying complexity that kid will bring.
from Julianna to David
It was a miscarriage, and I was the carriage – I imagine myself rattling over cobblestone, a wobbly thing on wooden wheels. It wasn't your fault. I can tell you that as easily as you can tell me the same. Still, I feel sorry for you. I got to hold the child inside of me, and you never did. I don't think it makes logical sense. I was nauseous, slack with fatigue. I wouldn't get to feel him kick – just a few weeks shy. But still it seems like a gift to have been able to carry the baby with me, for a short time.
I am afraid. So many things wind back to this pain…. The dead bodies. Loss is loss is loss. It will find a harmony inside of memory – and pull it up more sharply. Loss resounds. It collects and magnifies. One loss calling to another and another.
From David to Julianna
Good God, the ache of it makes me stand and pace, even now. You cannot be sorry to me, sweet, sweet love. I'm only the beggar here. You've given me time and bodies I haven't deserved. I'd been raised to believe that love was a resource, that it might be gulped and be gone. You've given me an understanding that the main property of love is that it ramifies, expands to meet need. (This is not a quality reserved for loss.)
But see how I didn't linger. I was supposed to linger. It was dark. We had no idea if you'd be able to have another. And the technician in the imaging center handled it all so badly. I hated the way you moaned, the sob echoing from the black stain on the screen. "Is that the baby?" I asked the stupefied tech.
"Yes," she said, extremely unsure. And then she left.
"What's the matter?" I asked. "What is it?"
But you already knew, knew in a way that I couldn't, knew in a way in which dread precedes devastating news, the way a phone ringing at the wrong time of night is never good.
Then there was the sterile hour I spent while you were in the D and E. I think I read about sports or some dry New Yorker short story where the characters obsessed on the dry fabric of a tablecloth and left a lip stain on their cup of green tea. I never felt further away from you. I looked around the waiting room. Old men turned inward, women my mother's age knitting some fabric out of idle chatter. The news prattling on in high spirits. I didn't know that what would come next would be a flood of miscarriage stories. It seemed like everyone I knew could tell at least two miscarriage stories: mothers, daughters, children, wives, teachers. The miscarriage was another secret society we'd joined by accident, by living.
From Julianna to David
And after, how you tore up the bathroom tiles, went rummaging through the house's piping for a leak. You worked and worked, trying to make something right. (I do not want to join more secret societies. How many are there? I sense them everywhere.)
From David to Julianna
And after, how you tore into your first novel, a beautiful frenzy. You wrote and wrote. And I kept saying, "Write, write," and I watched you at the door to your office lost in it, and I wanted to come in, and I wanted to leave you alone. Your metaphor was drowning, and I wanted to wrap you in the yellow flotation jacket and bring you back up, through the murk. But I'm certain it was clear at the bottom. So I left you to it. (The secret societies will keep coming. I'm sorry, but it's true. There's another society of survivors: suicide. I've left you alone with that as well.) I try to hold you up as much as I can. I want to take these losses away from you. I want to be a thief, with a specialty in loss, and one who refuses to give anything back, even when caught red-handed. Don't make me give them back – even though you will want them, even though you'll beg.
From Julianna to David
You are no thief. You would give my losses back to me, because you know that the losses are what have come to make up my constitution. One day our constitutions will be all that's left of us. (I love your constitution.) I think our constitutions will age well together. As for today I can only whisper at you, at the kids. I've taught them all which clapping rhythm equals their name – one clap for Phoebe, two for Finneas, three for Theo, one slow two fast for the neighbor kid visiting. Fast, urgent clapping – by the way – that means you, that means I need you now. And when I whisper, the kids whisper back. It's natural to forget my laryngitis and to assume for a moment that someone is sleeping somewhere nearby – a sleeping baby, a boy we refuse to forget – one that grows up alongside of the others – a baby not yet conceived.
First published in About What Was Lost: 20 Writers on Miscarriage, Healing, and Hope, 2006.


text:
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text:
Fiat 500L
Station Wagon
Dubbed an urban utility vehicle by Fiat, this small station wagon features the same distinctive styling as the original 500 in a slightly larger package that is perfect for young families.
Full Gayot Car Review with Prices and Pictures
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The kinds of movies made for foodies, including classics such as Like Water for Chocolate and newer releases like Chef and Ratatouille.
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