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Manuals: Objy AMS | FDID alloc | Sel Apps | Glossary | Proceedings | Talks | Press
An AMS (Advanced Multithreaded Server) is the equivalent of a network file server (NFS) for Objectivity/DB databases. Much like NFS, when a client requires access to an Objectivity/DB database, the client connects to the server that holds the databases using a predetermined TCP/IP port number. The connection is maintained with the server until the client closes the connection. While the client is connected, the client can read from or write into a database, as well as perform other database related activities.
Bootfile and federated database file
The Federated Database File contains schema definitions and database catalog for a federation. By BaBar convention it is called BaBar.FDDB and is located on the catalog server. The boot file is a file that describes the federated database configuration, the location and file server of the federated database file, the federated database ID, lock server node, and other parameters describing the federation. In principle the Boot File is the only file that must be directly visible to the client applications and is used to bootstrap the applications. By BaBar convention the boot file is called BaBar and should reside on a file system that is visible to all desired client computers. Unlike other database files it can reside on a NFS or AFS file system.
Bridge collection
A bridge collection is a collection that binds a collection name with a slave federation containing the corresponding collection of events. It is a BaBar-specific term.
Bridge federation
A bridge federation is a BaBar-specific term. It is a federation that contains bridge collections.
Catalog Server
A catalog server is a host where a federated database file is stored. Usually, it is accompanied by some metadata databases, such as management, global, evs_treenodes.
Objects can be created close together in the federation, based on their predicted access patterns. Thus, if two objects are typically accessed together, clustering them in the same database will minimize tape-mounts in mass store, and placing them on the same page will improve access by pre-fetching the second one when the first is accessed, minimizing I/O traffic.
Clustering hint server (chs)
A clustering hint server is a CORBA server developed by the BaBar Database Group. It centrally manages data placement.
This term is Objectivity-specific. A container is a logical grouping of persistent objects. Persistent objects within a container are physically clustered together in memory and on disk. A container is also a unit of locking: when one object is locked, the whole container is locked.
The word database has slightly different meanings in different database systems. In Objectivity, a database is a set of containers. It physically maps to a single file. Each database is identified by a database ID (DBID).
Developer federations
See Test federations
The BaBar system has been structured into several independent pieces, with regards to its logical aspects. The outermost layer comprises of several logical domains. These include: Event Store, Conditions Databases, Online Databases, Spatial Databases, Temporal Databases.
Federated database file
See Bootfile and federated database file
Federated database
This term is Objectivity-specific. It is a unit of administrative control for Objectivity/DB. It consists of database files, a database catalog, and a schema. Each federation is identified by a federated database ID (FDID).
See Federated database
File Server
Two types of file systems are supported by the BaBar database. The first is local file systems, attached directly to the computer where the client application resides. The second is remote file systems, attached to remote computers. Such file systems are accessed via the AMS by a network protocol.
Journal file
A journal file is an internal Objectivity/DB file, where Objectivity/DB automatically records all modifications. Each update transaction has one corresponding journal file. Read transactions are not logged. Never manually alter or delete journal files. Only Objectivity/DB tools/code may be used with these files.
Journal server
A journal server is a host where journal files are stored.
Lock Server
A lock server is a process that manages concurrent access to the databases. No data passes through the lock server, but it insures that data within the federation is consistent; it prevents simultaneous updates from multiple clients. Within BaBar, we run a dedicated lock server for each production federation.
On Object Oriented Database Management System (ODBMS) integrates object programming language capabilities with database capabilities. It makes objects appear as programming language objects; it extends the language with transparently persistent data, concurrency control, data recovery, associative queries, and other database capabilities.
Object identifier (OID) is a unique set of numbers that allows Objectivity/DB to locate and manage persistent objects. An OID is 64 bits in length and it is composed of four 16-bit fields in the format of: DB-OC-PG-SL, where
DB - database identifier (dbid)
OC - container identifier
PG - logical page number
SL - logical slot number on the pageOID value do not change during the lifetime of an object.
OID server
An OID server is a CORBA server developed by the BaBar Database Group. It centralizes locating condition objects.
OO_FD_BOOT is an environment variable that stores location of a bootfile.
Persistent object (or persistent-capable object)
A persistent object is an object that continues to exist and retains its data beyond the duration of the process that creates it.
See clustering
Production federation
This federation contains the experiment data. It therefore contains both a schema catalog and a database catalog. One of the goals of schema management is to ensure that this federation is robust, that additions to the schema do not affect the existing data, and that changes to existing schema do not affect other schema and data. There is only a single production federation in the experiment.
Pud ("Perl Universal Daemon") is a stand-alone daemon, which allows you to perform file system related operations on a remote host.
One persistent object may reference another persistent object. Such references may span databases if the two objects reside within different databases.
Reference federation
This is equivalent to the production federation but it only has a schema catalog. This catalog is identical to that of the production federation. The main role of this federation is to ensure that any problems are caught at this stage rather than in the production federation itself. All schema in this federation have been assigned explicit and unique schema ids. There is only a single reference federation in the experiment.
Release federation
A release federation is created for each software release, and there is one such federation per release. This federation is based upon the reference federation as a starting point for the release build.
A database schema is a description of persistent classes. BaBar uses C++ classes, which are defined in Data Definition Language (DLL) Files, having a .ddl suffix. A schema is stored persistently in a federation.
Test federations
These are the federations against which developers create and test new classes in their test releases. Each such federation is based upon the release federation for the corresponding release. Multiple developer federations can exist simultaneously.
A transaction is a unit of work that an Objectivity/DB application can apply to a database. It contains one or more logically related operations that create, access, or modify persistent objects. Every interaction with persistent objects must occur within a transaction.
Transient object
A transient object exists only in the memory of the process that creates it. When that process terminates, the transient object ceases to exist.
BaBar Public Site | SLAC | News | Links | Who's Who | Contact Us
Page Owner: Jacek Becla
Last Update: June 13, 2002


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Man in his 60s arrested as part of Jimmy Savile investigation
A man in his 60s has been arrested by detectives investigating the Jimmy Savile sex abuse case.
The man, from London, was arrested at 6.45am today on suspicion of committing sexual offences.
Scotland Yard confirmed he had been taken to a south London police station and was detained as part of the ongoing Operation Yewtree investigation into claims Savile and other people committed sexual abuse.
The man falls under the category of 'others', according to the Metropolitan police.
This is the sixth arrest to be made in the Yewtree probe, which has already cost around £2million.
It follows the detention of PR guru Max Clifford for alleged sexual offences last week.
He has since vehemently denied the claims.
'On a personal level, they are very distressing for myself, my wife, my family and loved ones,' Mr Clifford said after being released.
'Anyone who really knew me all those years ago and those who have known me since will have no doubt that I would never act in the way that I have today been accused.'
Several other high profile Operation Yewtree arrests have also been made, including include Gary Glitter, comedian Freddie Starr and DJ Dave Lee Travis.
Former BBC TV presenter and radio DJ Savile died in October 2011 aged 84.

subset: commoncrawl


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In one possible future, Archie Andrews marries Veronica, and all the Betty fans freaked out.
But now, the ring's on the other finger, and he's marrying the blonde sweetheart next door. People are much happier.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Always pick the Cooper!
Posted by Gael Fashingbauer Cooper at 10:20 PM
Labels: comic books
1 comment:
- Smokiechick said...
Thank you Gael! I knew about Ronnie because everyone was so tweaked about it. Now that Arch has taken the other path - not a peep!
My mind is much relieved - Thank you!
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)


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So far in terms of rigging I've added the main part of the models skeleton creating a center joint and 'hip' joints out using locators as guides. I've also added one of the legs again using locators. I plan to add the legs all the way round and ik each leg in a similar way to the tail tutorial so they move!
Friday, 27 March 2015
After Effects: Paralax
in Toolkit After Effects, Year 1 with No comments
Thursday, 26 March 2015
Fantastic Voyage: Updated Storyboard
in Fantastic Voyage, storyboard, Year 1 with No comments
Maya Tutorial: Maya Fur - Santa Hat
Wednesday, 25 March 2015
Life Drawing: 25/03/15
in artist toolkit, life drawing, Year 1 with No comments
Fantastic Voyage: Influenza Model and texturing test
in Fantastic Voyage, Maya, Year 1 with 1 comment
Non-smooth model
Smooth model
Here's my model for my influenza virus! I've added more geometry now and hopefully he should be able to move his legs well enough when I rig and animate him! I also got a little advice from some third years because as I was cleaning him up there were a lot of weird vertexs looming around the model, they're now gone and shouldn't cause any problems! I noticed however that the default lambert wasn't really doing my model much justice so I added some surface shaders and rendered him and it was actually really effective and the look that I was going for.
Texture Test
Very pleased with this! I'm hoping to figure out some rigging soon. I'm interested to know what this will look like in white space.
Monday, 23 March 2015
Fantastic Voyage: Influenza modelling in progress
in Fantastic Voyage, Maya, Year 1 with No comments
Photoshop class: Self Portraits
in Digital Painting, Photoshop, Year 1 with No comments


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Sunny's Story
Research over the last five years has found that binge eating disorder is actually twice as common as anorexia and bulimia combined in women of all backgrounds and ages, including teens. I was one of them.
In high school, I'd skip lunch just like the other girls or pick at fries when we'd congregate at McDonald's. But when my parents started fighting–and ultimately, talking divorce–a puzzling, frenzied pattern of eating started to emerge. At 14, I sat on top of our German shepherd's doghouse in the middle of the night, a can of frozen orange juice concentrate in one hand, a spoon in the other, crying and scooping the syrupy stuff into my mouth until it was almost gone. At 15–alone a lot, with my father out of the house and my mother working more than one job I ordered and ate two small pizzas the night I broke up with my first boyfriend.
Soon I was sneaking into the kitchen almost every night–praying my mom wouldn't hear the wooden floors creak– to eat three, four, five pieces of bread with butter and peanut butter or to nuke a huge plate of chips and cheese for makeshift nachos. When I babysat my neighbors' kids, or cleaned their houses for extra cash, I spent half the time rifling through their cupboards, stealing their kids' Little Debbie snacks and potato chips.
I thought I was a pig, and a freak, because I couldn't stop this weird, secret, uncontrollable eating. I started wearing big, baggy sweaters or sweatshirts over leggings to hide what I thought was an unacceptably fat body.
When I ate seven candy bars in a row one afternoon, I knew there was something desperately wrong. That's when my mom sent me to Mitch, the family counselor both she and my dad had been seeing throughout their divorce. He gave a name to what I had been doing: compulsive overeating–what's now also known as binge eating disorder–and he gave me a book to read, Feeding the Hungry Heart, by Geneen Roth.
While it was one of the most important things I've ever read, the true beginning of my recovery, it was meant for grown ups. Women with kids. Married women. I couldn't fully relate to the people in the book. That's one reason I started HealthyGirl,org, to be a resource for teens and young women who want to stop overeating.
Today, I'm no longer binge eating. I'm a deputy editor at Redbook magazine in New York City, and am at a healthy and stable weight. After years of hating myself, hating my body, and abusing it with way too much food, I'm finally healthy and happy. I want you to be, too!
For more on how I recovered, start here—or just jump right in to some personal posts over here.
Veronica Miranda permalinkOctober 26, 2009 12:38 pm
I am really happy that I found this site. You always hear about anorexia and bulimia but you never hear about binge eating. People may think that binge eating is not as serious as anorexia or bulimia but it is. I suffer from binge eating and it really sucks. I eat when I am happy, sad, angry, mad, whatever mood I am in. I also eat because I am lonely. I have no friends so that causes me to eat more. Another reason I overeat is because I feel the need to eat to fill a void. My life is empty so eating makes me feel less lonely. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I am glad that I found this site and I hope to find ways to cope with this disorder. -Veronica
October 28, 2009 8:30 am
I always try to eat healthy… a year ago I was light overweight and people were making fun of me, so I started going on a diet, in just a few months I lost 30 pounds (in the moment I weight 103, I'm sixteen), everybody said that I looked perfect and congratulated me for my weight-loss, but I still thought that I wasn't thin enough so I continued losing weight.
This time I lost 10 pounds, people started worrying about my health and my mom and my grandma were thinking that I got a real problem, so anorexic.
In my head I looked normal and more beautiful than ever!
Now I also recognized that I had to stop losing weight, so people would stop complaining and talking about my weight. I could keep my weight for a few months, but the people didn't stop and although I didn't loose weight, my mam still thought that I was on a diet and forced me to weight myself all the time to show her, that I didn't lost more weight. I didn't want to weight myself, because I knew that I was to thin so I had a lot of descussions with my mom.
I start feeling like a monster, I thought I was anorexic too, and to thin to go swimming, I didn't want to do something with my friends because I thought they would be shoked seeing me so thin.
I got sader and sader, but then one day I knew I had to do something against it, so at night I sneaked in the kitchen and ate as much as I could.
I felt horrible, I feared that I would gain weight although I wanted to gain weight, but the next night I did the same thing. I continued doing this for a few weeks, and my appetit grew bigger and bigger.
After gaining 8 pounds I felt horrible, so I wanted to loose weight again but i couldn't I hate to binge eat all the time!
And now I still struggle with it, sometimes I got it under control and sometimes I can't control it! what can I do?
Sophie permalinkOctober 28, 2009 5:29 pm
Sunny, from the bottom of my heart thank you. I had no idea anyone else in the world did this. Your story completely opened my eyes.
Love the site – love your courage – love the message.
Your piece on the weird food rules was so helpful, especially when you offered replacement rules.
Sorry for the brief message that feels so inadequate – I am still so shocked and relieved to find out there is a name, there is a cure.
Thank you again and wishing you get back even half the blessings you are bestowing with this site. -Sophie
Dora permalinkOctober 29, 2009 9:29 pm
Amazing site! I'm so glad I found this. At seventeen, I tend to emotionally overeat, and I think girls my age do the same a lot more than they are willing to admit! This is so perfect for bringing up my day, and I look forward to updates! 😀
Cheri Osmundsen permalinkOctober 29, 2009 11:08 pm
Thank you for sharing your story, with such honesty… I never knew the extent of it, and we have been friends for 26 years, which goes to show the power of the disease..
I love you sunny….
Elissa Green permalinkNovember 5, 2009 10:13 pm
Hi Sunny!
Just wanted to say I am so proud of you. Love and miss you.
Candy permalinkNovember 20, 2009 2:30 pm
wow…. there is a name for what i have and i'm not alone. I have had a sigh of relief since finding this website. Thanks. I am going to locate the books and start reading.
November 22, 2009 5:12 pm
It's me again
I'm already on a good way to a better health, but sometimes I wish, I know it's weird, but I wish, i could eat whatever I want and not gain a pound… this happened to be my biggest wish ( sad…)
This was never my biggest wish, but since i started to look after my health and planning my meals, this wish is stuck in my head.
But as long as it is just a wish I think I'm ok, I know that it's not good to binge.
Gaye Harris permalinkDecember 27, 2009 11:33 pm
Hi Sunny, Even though I am not an overeater, I am an addict and I can relate to those same feelings of overeating as your readers do. The same shame, the same self loathing and the same emptyness. I am very proud to be your auntie. Keep up the good work!!!!! Luv Gaye
Rachael permalinkJanuary 6, 2010 12:45 am
Thank you for sharing your story and making this site. I have been a binge eater for 6 years and this is such a breath of fresh air to read warm and helpful stories rather than the usual diet -hate-yourself crap
January 6, 2010 4:17 pm
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story and being a source of support for other young women who struggle with compulsive overeating. I admire your strength for overcoming your disorder, as well as your wisdom in recognizing there was a problem in the first place. You offer a great resource here!
February 7, 2010 8:40 am
okay, I think I'm already a little annoying…
I stopped with my binge eating disorder, I was able to control it and I was ok for a few months, but now I started with another eating disorder! I have bulimia, I eat healthy during the day but when I come home, I binge and after force myself to throw it up!!!! I'm so hopeless, I have the feeling that I will never be healthy again! I mean first I was anorexic, then I had the binge eating disorder and now bulimia!!!!
I think I can handle it, but i really have to stop thinking about food as a bad thing and I recognized that as long as I have something to do I don't binge and so don't have to throw up!!!!!
I stopped with throwing up for one week, but I'm so afraid that it will come back!
Charlotte permalinkFebruary 27, 2010 4:52 pm
I just wanted to say that your anorexia story you posted back in October is almost IDENTICAL to mine. I'm also 16 years old, and I've been struggling with eating issues since I was a little kid. I feel so, so sorry for everything you've been through and I know how f*cking awful it feels to be consumed by an eating disorder. I've experienced all types of them, just like you, so don't feel like you're weak because you've had more than one eating disorder. In fact don't ever call yourself weak. I think that girls with eating disorders are some of the most misunderstood, smartest, and strongest ones out there, and their eating issues are just obstacles standing in the way of who they truly are.
March 28, 2010 3:35 am
thanks ^^
it's good to hear from somebody with the same problems! And you know what? I stopped with all my eating disorders a month ago, without any help, Ijust stopped, I told myseld that I'm strong and that I can do it, I feel so good since then!
Kel permalinkAugust 3, 2010 9:07 am
Hugs! Sunny is right. xx
Daniella permalinkFebruary 11, 2010 4:48 pm
Hi Sunny!
I followed you on Glamour.com and I just stumbled upon this site recently. Thank you so much for this site. I have always had some type of disordered eating, which has usally involved dieting, followed by bingeing. I have always been an emotional eater and being in a big Italian family, it just seemed normal. But I suppose that I have always known my eating patterns were not normal. I eat significantly more than everyone else, usually in private and it is a very destructive pattern. Trying to take control of my eating has never been easy. I am still trying to recover from this and have yet to figure out what triggers my emotional eating. This is something that I will always struggle with.
Thank you for this inspring blog!
Kim permalinkFebruary 21, 2010 5:52 am
Hey Sunny,
Its weird how i can and also can't relate to many of the girls here,
but sometimes i tend to overeat and then just totally not want to
eat a thing, i might even have only one meal and a snack per day at times. i may even be anemic.
its hard to get on a regular eating schedule because i just cannot
stick to it . im 160 pounds at age 16 and i feel huge. i am even overweight because of my 5'6 height. ughh!
it doesn't help me much knowing that. but im still glad i found this site straight out of a link in glamour.com
April 17, 2010 4:51 pm
I didn't even know there was a name for binge eating disorder much less that anyone else suffered from it until about 10 years ago. I've been doing the work for the past two years but its only been in the past few weeks that I finally feel like I'm making progress. I'm so glad I found your blog. Thanks for sharing your story.
May 29, 2010 11:05 am
Hi Sunny!
So glad I found your blog via Twitter. You have such a compelling story. Thank you for sharing it.
I share your passion of growing positive body image in women….I work with adult women in the weight loss field who have such negative body image. Gosh, if we could help teenagers!
Thanks for what you do!
Amy permalinkJune 27, 2010 8:24 am
I am so glad to have found this website. I've been a yo-yo dieter for years but just within the last year my binge eating has gotten out of control. I am in an unhappy marriage and have a young child that is going through the terrible two's. Sometimes I will hit two drivethru's right in a row or wait for everyone to go to sleep and eat as much as I can late at night. Then I can't sleep because of the guilt and how uncomfortable and sick I feel. I hope to get this under control soon for my child's sake, just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story and letting us know we are not alone.
Lyn permalinkOctober 18, 2010 5:17 pm
I stumbled across this site today, and it is honestly one of the best sites I have found!
I've been 'secret' eating for years, and for the majority of those didn't really realise what I was doing – I was skinny as anything, and never really had a problem with my weight.
When I started university, the pressures of studying, relationships, etc etc caught up with me, and added to the freedom of eating essentially what I wanted, these eating habits spiralled out of control. A couple of years later, I've finally started to be a lot more conscious of what I'm eating, and am on my way to getting things under control.
I hadn't really found ANYTHING that I could relate to as well as this site (there seems to be a lot of anorexia/bulimia/binge eating in older people advice, but not so much for my generation), so I just wanted to say thank you, and hopefully when I feel the need to binge, I can take a few deep breaths, have a look at all your stories, and realise that I'm not alone in this! Looking forward to not feeling so guilty all the time :).
angela permalinkDecember 6, 2010 12:01 pm
I was so pleased to find this website. i am in my 50s and have had a binge eating disorder for all that time and have suffered on and on. finally i found the geneen roth book 'Women food and god' and am doing her online retreat and it is finally working! i am starting to get in touch with my own body for the first time in my life or at least for a very long time. i cant believe how much i have tortured this body and ignored it, trying to live in my mind. thank you for this website.
Hayley permalinkDecember 11, 2010 9:19 pm
I hav suffered from aneroxica for about a year, living at 6stone and eating very little. I realised I had a problem when I saw pictures of my self. When I started 2 eat a little bit more sonethink clicked in my head and I started 2 binge eat on a massive scale. It's scaring me as I hav put on so much weight.
Kyra permalinkMarch 13, 2011 12:39 pm
I cannot tell you, Sunny, how thankful I am that you have made this site. I knew that I had an eating disorder, but I couldn't identify with bulimia or anorexia. I know exactly how you felt, going into the kitchen praying your parents won't hear you. I had never had a problem with eating, but since I started using food to control my emotions I began gaining weight and it was a vicious cyle. I felt myself eating junk food I had never liked, but simply picking it because of the simple sugars and carbs that gave me a high and calmed me down. I am so happy that I found this so I can begin my road to helping my problem, thank you Sunny. xoxo
- 3 Reasons To Stop Emotionally Eating « Healthy Girl
- Do Skinny Models and Celebs Cause Eating Disorders? « Healthy Girl
- What Crazy Diets Have You Tried? « Healthy Girl
- 4 Books That Will Help You Get Sane About Food (And Get to a Healthy Weight) « Healthy Girl
- Women's Weird Food Habits (Do You Have Some Too?) « Healthy Girl
- "How Do I Stop Feeling Bad About My Body?" « Healthy Girl
- Someone's Got a Case of the I'll-Start-Over-Again-on-Mondays… « Healthy Girl
- Do You Judge Other Women's Eating Habits? « Healthy Girl
- Do You Eat When You Have Nothing to Do? Here's Help. « Healthy Girl
- Does Bingeing and Extra Food Cloud Your Brain? « Healthy Girl
- Radish Greens - Healthy Living | Blog | Sunny Gold: Binge Eating Disorder: The Emotional Roots of a Physical Condition
- The Smartest Way to Fight Obesity in this Country: Heal the Emotional Reasons Behind It « Healthy Girl
- How Has Having a Healthier Relationship With Food Changed Your Life? « Healthy Girl
- Who's Your Body Image Hero? « Healthy Girl
- We Don't Just Need a Body Image Revolution, We Need an "Aging Image" One! « Healthy Girl
- How Do You Know if You're Disordered, or Just a Little "Weird" About Food? « Healthy Girl
- Sunny Gold: Between Body Image and Health: Having a Conversation About Fat « Read NEWS
- What to Do When Someone You're Dating Makes You Feel Fat « Healthy Girl
- [Beauty Overheard] Whitney Thompson is Over Modeling. « Beauty Schooled
- "I'm Not Bingeing Anymore, But I Still Dislike My Body. Help!" « Healthy Girl
- Why Thanksgiving is So Hard For People With Eating Issues « Healthy Girl
- Body Image Week: We Don't Just Need a Body Image Revolution, We Need An 'Aging Image' One! « Healthy Girl
- Let's Talk About It: How We Recovered From Insane Eating and Bad Body Image « Healthy Girl


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Tag Archives: vintage fashion
Clutch My Heart
There must be a way to stop my impending downfall via the clutch. I am obsessed! This is completely dissimilar to my almost-downfall via the manual transmission on my first car. I speak of the holy category of vintage purses … Continue reading
Posted in Art Deco, Clutch Purse, Retro Purses, Vintage Fashion Tagged clutch, kelly purse, purses, retro fashion, vintage fashion, vintage purse Leave a comment
Wool Men's Bathing Suits Got Me Itchin' For More
I must thank my fabulous friend Tawnya Griffith. She is an amazing stage actress (you can Google her I'm sure) with a personality that is larger than Carrot Top's eerie muscles and hair combined. That's saying a lot. Ms. Tawnya … Continue reading
Posted in Vintage Fashion, Vintage Swimsuits Tagged vintage bathing suits, vintage fashion, wool Leave a comment


text:
By firstname.lastname@example.com
between consenting adult men. If this makes you uncomfortable, or if it is
illegal for you to read something like this, then go find something else to do.
The following story is entirely a work of fiction, and is not intended to imply anything about any real people. All of the characters in the story are fictional, and must not be confused with any real people. The characters in this story may have the same names as some real people, but the characters are in no way supposed to actually represent any real people.
Permission is hereby granted for this story to be distributed solely by the Nifty Archive: http://www.nifty.org/. You may of course keep a copy for your own use, but you may not redistribute it.
Before this chapter starts, I'd like to take a moment to thank those of you who have taken the time to express their appreciation of the story to me. Your comments have been uniformly kind, and have made writing this much easier. I'd also like to thank my beta readers for their help and encouragement. Please feel free to send me any comments you may have.
Matt pushed back his chair. "I don't think I could eat another bite." He yawned.
"Tired so soon?" Nick said.
"I think I ate too much. It makes me sleepy."
"I know just the way to fix that. How cold is it out there today?" Nick got up and walked over to the window.
"I don't know. Maybe it's on the TV. That window looks out into the stadium."
Nick was looking out the window. He turned and looked sad. "I must have really worried Brian."
"You did. You worried me too. But what makes you say that now?"
"Well, the room I had before with Brian was a lot higher. This balcony is almost on top of the seats. Brian must have tried to get a room lower down."
Matt looked worried. "You're not still..."
Nick looked at him quickly and said "No. I'm just remembering."
"Why did you want to..."
"Later. I'll tell you later, when we go out for a walk. Turn on the TV, and find out the temperature will you?"
Matt used the remote to turn on the TV. He flipped through the channels, until he found the current temperature. "Wow. It's really cold out there. It says it's -15!"
Nick giggled. "That's -15 Celsius, which is about 5. That's cold, but not too terrible."
"If you say so."
"I need to get dressed, so we can go out."
"What? If we go out, we'll have to be really careful not to be seen or recognized."
"Exactly. If we dress properly for the cold, nobody will ever be able to recognize us. We can easily walk down to the lake from here, and it's kind of nice down there."
"Aren't there going to be a bunch of fans camped outside the hotel?"
Nick laughed. "Not when it's that cold out there. Where are my clothes?"
Matt showed him the dresser where he'd found Nick's clothes before, and watched, as he got dressed. When Matt saw how many layers of clothing Nick was putting on, he went back through his suitcase, and added a few layers himself. Nick helped him out by giving him a hat to wear. When they were both well bundled up, they left the room. Sure enough, the maid was there in the hall. They talked briefly with her on the way by, and were assured that their room would be cleaned up while they were away.
Matt was getting hot by the time they made it down to the hotel's lobby. That didn't prepare him for the cold when they stepped outside. He was sure glad Nick made sure they were properly dressed for the weather.
Together, they walked around the stadium, towards the lake. There were few people out here today, despite the sunny day. If there had been a wind, it would have been very cold. Matt was somewhat surprised to find he was actually comfortable. It was nice being out here with Nick.
Matt realized that Nick was right about nobody being able to recognize them either. They'd passed a number of people, and nobody had even given them a second glance. That even included the maid, and they'd talked with her. Matt was surprised when Nick reached over and took his hand. It seemed so weird holding hands in public! Matt really wasn't sure about this, but one look at Nick's smile was enough to make him forget his doubts.
They walked along, quietly, each lost in their own thoughts. They came to the lake, and stood watching it for a moment. Steam was rising from the still water. The sounds of the city surrounded them, but it was somehow peaceful.
Matt thought about everything that had happened in the last few days. Yesterday was almost a blur. It had started off with Joey taking him to the airport, then the trip here, then seeing Nick. Somehow, everything before he'd seen Nick in the dressing room yesterday seemed to be from another time, another life. It was so long ago. His world had started when he'd told Nick how he felt. Everything that had happened before just wasn't important anymore. The long discussion with Joey, the stupid reaction he'd had to the phone call that night, the wrestling with his own feelings--they were all in the past now. He really was happy now. For the first time he could ever remember, he was really happy.
Matt gave Nick a hug. "I'm so glad you came into my life Nick. I don't know how I ever survived before I met you. You've made me really happy for the first time."
How could Nick respond to this? There were no words. He just returned the hug. After a moment, he said, "When do you have to go back to LA?"
"Oh, not until Saturday. Joey figured that would be best." Matt paused, and then said, "I should probably call Joey and thank him. If he hadn't been there, I don't know what I'd have done."
"How much did you tell Joey?" Nick asked. They started walking slowly along the shore of the lake.
"Almost everything. I told him what Brian had said on the phone. I also told him what you'd said the last time we talked."
"Does Joey know that you're gay?"
"I think he does. I didn't tell him, but he packed some condoms in my suitcase."
Nick giggled. "What are we going to use those for?"
"Water balloons," Matt said. They both laughed.
"Is Joey going to understand?" Nick said.
Matt thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think so. He didn't say anything directly, but I think he was trying to tell me that he'd still be there for me." Matt remembered Joey's carefully worded support. "It's my parents that I'm worried about. My father just won't understand."
They walked in silence for a moment. Nick said, "I never thought Brian would understand. I was sure he'd hate me."
"Brian has been really great. If he hadn't called me and told me how you were, I'm not sure what I would have done. I was so stupid. I thought you were playing some dumb trick on me. I was so busy hiding my feelings from myself, that I couldn't see what I really wanted."
"Hiding from yourself? I don't understand."
Matt paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "Yeah, hiding is really the best description. Until I thought about what you'd said on the phone, and how that made me feel, I wasn't prepared to even ask myself whether I was gay. I think my heart has always known it, but I wasn't prepared to even think about it."
"Really? It wasn't easy for me either, but I don't think I could have hidden from it like that. I can't imagine how I'd avoid even thinking about it."
"Well, believe me, it wasn't easy. When I first discovered how to masturbate, I used to do it all the time. Then disturbing images started bothering me, so I stopped doing it. I forced myself to work, and exhaust myself instead of facing things. I simply hid those feelings from myself."
"You stopped beating off? Completely? Wow. I couldn't do that." Nick paused to think. "So, when you're faced with something you don't want to deal with, you hide?"
"Yes. I can be awfully stubborn when I get like that. You'll have to remember that."
Nick smiled. "I can be stubborn at times too. At least, that's what Brian is always complaining about. He says that I'm like Kevin--too stubborn for my own good."
Matt laughed, and they resumed their walk.
"What did Brian say on the phone?" Nick asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot we haven't talked about this. Maybe I should start at the beginning. When you said 'I love you' on the phone that night, then hung up, I didn't know what to think."
"It just sort of slipped out" Nick said. "I didn't mean to say anything. I was really tired."
"That's what I thought must have happened, although I didn't figure that out until later. When you hung up, I decided you were just playing some sort of joke on me, so I decided not to call back. I put it out of my mind, and concentrated on work. I spent three days working so hard that I never thought about it. It wasn't until Brian called that I realized I was wrong."
"Those days were terrible" Nick said. "When I realized what I had said, I panicked and hung up. Then I spent the night in the bathroom, crying and hoping you'd call. When Brian found me in the morning, I thought you'd told him what I said. I was so sure he'd hate me, and tell everyone. Then my career would be over, my friends wouldn't have anything to do with me, and you'd hate me too."
"I'm sorry Nick. I was so busy hiding from myself that I couldn't think. When Brian told me he was afraid you were trying to kill yourself..."
"I was. It just hurt so bad, I just had to make the pain stop. I thought that my secret would be out any moment, and I'd be all alone."
"You don't think the guys will understand?"
"I didn't think so before. I don't really know now. I was so sure Brian would hate me because of his church. AJ and Howie make fun of gays all the time. I don't think they'll understand. I really don't know about Kevin. I just can't figure him out sometimes."
"Even if the guys don't understand, you've got me and Brian. It might get uncomfortable, but I think they deserve to know."
"You don't think they'll want to break up the band?"
Matt looked surprised. "Why would they want to do that? I'll bet the band is the best thing that's ever happened to them. I really doubt they'll want to quit. Besides, I'll bet you and Brian could make it on your own if you tried."
They continued on in silence for a few minutes. "Was that all you talked about with Brian on the phone?" Nick asked.
"No, that wasn't all of it. He was really very pushy. He demanded to know what happened. I think he was out of other options. He begged me to talk with you, or to come and see you. I wasn't going to do anything, until he told me about catching you on the balcony."
"It hurt so much. I just wanted the pain to stop."
Matt gave Nick another hug. They were close to the street that led back to the hotel now. Without any discussion, they both started back toward the hotel.
"I finally told Brian that I'd call him back, and hung up. Then I cried for a bit. I called Joey, because I needed to talk with someone. He was busy, but he must have realized I needed him, because he came over anyway. Then I told Joey what happened. He was really great. He helped me understand that I had to come and talk with you--for me as well as for you. He helped me tell my parents that I was going out of town. He even packed my suitcase and drove me to the airport."
"I'll have to remember to thank him next time I see him," Nick said. "You're right though--you really should call him and tell him you're okay. I'll bet he's worried."
"Yeah. I'll call him when we get back to the room. Do you have any more concerts or anything here in Toronto?"
"I don't think so. There might be an interview, but I think we've just got a few days off. We'll have to ask Kevin tonight."
"Good. I want you all to myself."
"Oh? And just what are we going to do?"
Matt smiled. "I'm sure we can think of something."
"How did you get the time off?"
"Oh, shit. I knew I'd forgotten something! I haven't told them that I was taking the week off. What time is it? I meant to call them before the plane left yesterday, but..."
"But your mind was on other things" Nick said with a giggle. "It's still morning in LA. You can call when we get back to the room. We're almost there."
Sure enough, they were walking by the stadium now, and there was the entrance to the hotel. Nick released Matt's hand as they got close to the hotel, and they went in. It didn't take long before they were back on their floor. As they walked off the elevator, they saw the maid's cart in the hallway. It looked like she was cleaning a room down the hall. Matt used the key card to open the door for the room, and they went in. Nick closed the door, and locked it. Matt took his jacket off, then the hat, and then went over to the hotel phone. He sat on the bed, and called the producer's office in LA. It rang a couple of times, and then someone picked it up.
"Hi. This is Mathew Lawrence. Is Mike there?"
"Oh, hi Matt. He's in a meeting right now." Matt recognized Trish's voice. He'd never liked Trish. She always made it hard to get through.
"Trish, this is important. I'm out of town now, and I won't be back until the weekend."
"What? Hang on a minute." The phone suddenly went dead, as he was put on hold. He waited for a moment, and then suddenly the producer came on the line.
"What's this crap Matt? You can't just disappear on us like this!"
"I'm sorry I couldn't give you any warning. An emergency came up, and I had to go out of town."
"But, we can't shoot around you. Ever since that whole thing with the Backstreet Boys, you've become too important to miss an episode. Our ratings would be dismal if you didn't appear."
Hmmm, there was an idea. "Hang on a second" Matt said into the phone. Then he held his hand over the phone, and looked around the room to find Nick. He was sprawled out on the couch, watching him.
"Trouble?" Nick said.
"Yeah, he's being difficult. Listen, would you be interested in doing another episode of the show? I thought maybe..."
"Sure. I'd be happy to do it. What about the rest of the guys? We could ask them too. Extra publicity is always good."
"Do you think they'd do it?"
"Yeah, although I'm not sure what'll happen after dinner tonight." Nick looked worried again. He clearly wasn't looking forward to dinner.
Matt was torn. He wanted to make Nick feel better, but he had to get off the phone. Well, Nick wasn't going anywhere. He put the phone back to his ear, only to hear "You still there?"
"Sorry. Yeah, I'm here. Listen, how would you like to have the Backstreet Boys on the show again? I don't know if I can arrange it, but..."
"That would be great! That would put ratings through the roof. So long as we've got enough time to properly promote it, we can guarantee big ratings."
"Okay, I'll try to set it up. Maybe you could have real parts written for them? You know, let them appear as minor characters."
"Sure. This is great Matt."
"Hang on. I can't promise them. I can promise that Nick will do it again, but I can't promise any of the other guys."
"Sure, whatever. Maybe we'll do a two-part show. And we could have them do a song."
He wasn't listening. "I'll have to see whether I can get the other guys to agree."
"Listen, I gotta go Matt. Call Trish with the details when you've got them figured out. I've got to call the network, and get this all started. Thanks." The line went dead.
"Great. Just great." Matt said with a sigh as he hung up the phone. "He's going off to tell the network that he's got the Backstreet Boys coming on the show, despite what I said."
"If there still is a Backstreet Boys after dinner," Nick said.
Nick was clearly worried. Matt got up, and went over to the couch where Nick was. Nick was taking up the whole couch, so Matt made room for himself on Nick. Nick rearranged himself so that they were both comfortable, and they curled up together.
"Well, I'll tell you what. If the Backstreet Boys break up, you can come to LA with me and be my boytoy."
Nick laughed. "Now, that would be fun."
Matt lay there, resting against Nick's chest. After a few minutes, he could feel Nick start to relax again. "How do you want to tell the guys? Do you want me to tell them?"
Nick didn't answer right away, but he didn't tense up again either. "I don't know. They are my friends, so I should tell them I guess."
"They will probably take it better from you. But, if they're looking for a fight, it would be better if they fought with me."
"I hope they understand."
"We'll just have to make sure they do. They do care about you. I'm sure they'll come around eventually."
There was silence for a while, before Matt said, "When do you want to tell them?"
"Next week?"
Matt laughed. "If you want. I won't be here though. How about we tell them after dinner? That way we'll have had some time to relax together."
"Yeah, that would be good. That way I'm not on the spot immediately."
Matt moved a bit, readjusting himself. He found one of Nick's hands, and held it. He started to slowly stroke Nick's fingers. "How do you think everyone will react? Do you really think Howie and AJ will cause trouble?"
Nick sighed. "I don't know. I was so sure before, but Brian really shocked me. Maybe they'll be okay."
"I hope so." Matt paused, and then said "What about Kevin?"
There was a long silence as Nick thought about Kevin. "I really can't figure him out. One minute he's on my case to work harder, or coming down on me for wanting to do something. The next minute he's all smiles. He never seems to stay angry for long, but he sure can get angry quickly."
"He really looks out for you, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, I guess he does."
"No, I mean, he looks out for you more than any of the others."
"Well, maybe. Except for Brian."
"Brian is his cousin. Of course he'd watch out for Brian."
"You really care what he thinks, don't you?"
Nick didn't answer for a long time. "I guess I do. He's been like my big brother, or my father for these last years."
"That's what I thought. You know what? I don't think you have to worry about Kevin. I know Joey really likes Kevin and thinks he's really smart. I don't think you could do or say anything that Kevin wouldn't come to accept, given enough time."
"I hope you're right."
"If Kevin is trouble, we'll get Joey working on him. And Brian. He won't last against them."
Nick giggled. "But what about tonight? What if he..."
"There's nothing we can do about it. Why worry? It will probably be uncomfortable, but we'll get it sorted out. It would be worse if you had to hide from them all the time. Won't it feel better when you can finally be honest?"
"Yeah, it will. I've been hiding so long, it's hard to think about doing anything else."
"I know all about hiding. It isn't fun, is it?" Matt said.
"No, it isn't. Are you sure Joey will be okay with you?"
"Yeah. I'm sure he'll be okay."
"Are you going to tell your parents? Or Will?"
Now it was Matt's turn to think. "I can't think of any reason why I should tell Will, or anyone else on the show. After all, it's really none of their business. It isn't like it is with you. You live with the guys and spend all your time with them. I just spend a couple of days a week at the show."
"Yeah, you're probably right. No sense in looking for trouble."
"If Will guesses, or if he asks, I'd tell him. But, I don't think I need to volunteer anything."
"What about your parents?" Nick asked.
"I don't know. I really don't think my dad will understand. It would be really hard if he got mad at me, since I'm living at home. Joey couldn't help much, because he's not there all the time."
"Did you tell them where you were going?"
"No. I didn't tell them anything, other than when I'd be back."
"So, you need a story when you get back?"
"I hate to make something up. I'm a terrible liar. Mom sees right through me when I try that. That's why I didn't tell them anything before I left. I hope Joey can figure out how to deal with them. I really don't know what to do. He's much better at that sort of thing."
"You were going to call him, weren't you?"
"Yeah, I guess I should." Matt shifted a bit against Nick. "I don't want to get up. You're too comfortable."
Nick suddenly rolled off the couch, dumping them both onto the floor. Laughing, he said, "Okay, now you're up. So call Joey."
When Matt got over his surprise, he started to laugh. "Okay, okay, I'm up. But, don't think you're going to get away with that trick next time."
"Promises, promises." Nick said. He sat back on the couch.
Matt stood up, and went back over to the hotel phone beside the bed. He dialed Joey's number, and waited. After a couple of rings, Joey picked it up and said "Hello".
"Hi Joey."
"Hi Matt. It's about time you called."
"Sorry, I've been busy."
"I'll bet" Joey chuckled. "How's Nick?"
"He's great." Matt just had to smile again, remembering Brian's question last night.
"Good. Kevin called this morning. He's worried about Nick."
"Yeah, Brian said he was worried. We're going to see him at dinner tonight."
"That's good. Listen, I'm supposed to be picking up Andy in a few minutes."
"Oh. Can you tell Andy I'm sorry I left without talking with him? He's probably wondering what's going on."
"Sure bro. That was my plan today anyway. We're just going to hang out."
"Thanks Joey."
"No problem. I should get going."
"Okay. Thanks for everything. I don't know what I'd have done without you."
"You're welcome Matt. I'll see you at the airport on Saturday."
"Okay, bye." Matt hung up. He sat there for a few moments.
"Is everything okay?" Nick asked.
"Yeah. Joey just had to go to pickup Andy."
"Well then, how come you're still way over there?"
Matt kicked off his shoes, and lay down on the bed. "I think I'm just going to stay here. That way I won't get dumped on the floor. Maybe I'll take a nap, since there's nothing better to do."
Nick sat there for a minute. Was Matt was teasing again? He slowly got up and walked quietly around, over to the bed. Matt was laying on his back, with his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful there. Slowly, Nick leaned over and brushed Matt's lips with his. Matt immediately reached up and pulled Nick down on top of him. Nick resisted for a moment, then collapsed on top of Matt.
"Hmmm, well maybe this is better than a nap" Matt said, as Nick broke the kiss. Matt opened his eyes to see Nick smiling down at him. Matt marveled at the wonderful weight of Nick as he wrapped his arms around Nick's back. He was so solid, so real. He felt so warm, so comfortable. Matt smiled, looking up at Nick. Matt could feel his growing arousal, caused by the wonderful weight of Nick pressing down on him. "What took you so long?"
Nick pressed his lips against Matt's. Hungrily, he opened his mouth and parted Matt's lips with his tongue. Matt tasted so good, almost as good as he smelled. He savored the sensation of Matt's tongue, his lips pressed against his, their mingled breath. Nick could feel the roughness of Matt's beard. Nick could feel his rising excitement, where their bodies meshed. He slowly moved his hands to Matt's shoulders, caressing the muscles there. He wanted to explore Matt, to savor him, to hold him forever.
What was that annoying sound? There it was again. Oh. The phone. Matt shifted a bit, and managed to free his hand. He reached over and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"There you are. You're late. You were supposed to be here half an hour ago." Matt recognized Brian's voice.
"What? Is it that late? Sorry Brian, we sort of got side tracked."
Nick giggled, and started exploring Matt's neck with his lips.
"I'll bet. Get up here now, okay?"
Nick's lips were causing Matt to squirm. His voice broke for a moment as he said, "Uh, give us a few minutes to get ready."
"Okay. Just don't dawdle. If you're not here in fifteen minutes, I'll send Kevin after you."
"Don't do that. We'll be there."
Matt hung up the phone, then turned and found Nick's lips again. "We've got to get going. We're already late. The guys are waiting."
"Can't we just stay here?"
"Well, Brian said he was going to send Kevin down if we weren't there in fifteen minutes."
Nick looked worried, and sat up. "I guess we better get going then."
Matt smiled. "Would he really do that?"
"Oh, yeah. But he would probably give us more than fifteen minutes. And he'd probably phone again to warn us."
"Good. I want to take a shower and get changed."
"Why? It's just the guys."
"They're your friends. I want to look good. It's almost like meeting your family. Besides, if I'm as rumpled as you are, then they'll know something is up as soon as we walk through the door."
Nick looked at Matt's clothes. "Yeah, you're right. You are a mess. Can I have a shower first?"
Matt smiled. "Sure. You probably need more time to look beautiful anyway."
Nick managed to look wounded for a second, before he burst into giggles. He gave Matt another quick kiss before he went into the bathroom.
Matt got up, and went over to his suitcase to find something to wear. He was nervous for some reason. He felt sort of silly. He knew the guys, but he felt like he was going to meet them for the first time all over again. He sure hoped they'd understand and accept him and Nick. After everything that had happened in the last few days, the last thing Nick needed right now were problems from his friends.


text:
Early on in the poll campaign under way the big corporate owned media had predicted that the 2014 general election would be like a presidential contest between Mr. Nirendra Modi and Mr. Rahul Gandhi. This wish reinforced the long held view that to become a mature and stable democracy India too like America and Britain should evolve into a two-party system. Sure enough, developments thus far seem to confirm the prediction. The contest has developed into a blistering exchange between the two aspirants for Prime Minister. This has furthered the hope of some elitists that India is indeed evolving into a mature two-party democracy.
Is India evolving into a two-party system?
Given the influence of the corporate lobby the possibility cannot be ruled out. Just consider the unprecedented and enormous support in human and financial resources from abroad that is reaching out in this current election campaign. Is India evolving into a mature democracy? Perish the thought. The level of debate between both contending leaders is like the farcical caricature of a soap opera.
Apart from one liners, personal jibes, personal anecdotes, stale platitudes, and promised goals there is no worthwhile content in any of the speeches of either candidate. This is unlike electoral debates in America and Britain. Indian media dutifully goes to town with the contrived controversy created by trivial and frivolous exchanges. Who is or is not a prince, and who does or does not care for his immediate family is not the stuff of serious debate. And never before in the history of independent India has there been such dire need for serious debate to address the gravest crises that confront the nation. Therefore both candidates and their advisors are earnestly requested to abjure the silly gossip and chatter they are presently indulging in and get down to identifying not merely problems the nation faces and goals it needs to reach but offer some concrete policies that address these. They should stop entertaining the public and start educating it.
India needs to know what should be done to set things right. In pursuance of this request just a few of the many burning problems confronting the nation that need to be addressed is listed with the hope that the aspirants offer the public some concrete policy instead of empty polemic.
Consider corruption.
Apart from numerous specific cases of corruption that have been exposed while the culprits are entirely or virtually unpunished, there is the systemic failure exposing total lack of accountability in our system of governance. Neither prime ministerial candidate has opened his mouth to address this cancerous political ailment. Does either prime ministerial candidate have any clear policy to address this problem?
Consider national security.
Terrorism continues to flourish. China despite enlarging trade continues with its belligerent border policy laying claim to large populated Indian territory. It continues to augment Pakistan's nuclear and missile strength directed against India. Pakistan continues to violate the border, encourage cross border terrorism and refuse to curb anti-Indian fundamentalists spreading hatred against India inside Pakistan. Does either prime ministerial candidate have a clear policy to address these problems?
Consider the Kashmir dispute that lies at the heart of our problems with Pakistan. Does either prime ministerial candidate have any clear policy to address this problem?
Consider the current Telangana demand, the desirability or otherwise to create smaller states, the need to introduce genuine federalism in our sub-continental nation by rationalizing the division of power between the centre, the states and the local bodies. Does either prime ministerial candidate have any clear policy to address these problems?
Consider the huge gaps in the working of our Constitution which have wrecked federalism, ruined governance and removed all accountability from our political system. Note the several key Articles of the Constitution and some key directives of state policy that have never been implemented. The Constitution needs review. Does either prime ministerial candidate have any clear policy to address this issue?
The form and substance of affirmative action to introduce social justice in our nation have left huge segments of our population aggrieved and angry and at the same time created bitter divisiveness between many castes and communities. This is tearing the nation apart. Does either prime ministerial candidate have any clear policy to address this problem?
The economy is sinking. Corruption is rampant. Prices are soaring. Unemployment particularly in rural India is mounting. Our foreign trade policy has all but crippled our manufacturing sector of industry. Does either prime ministerial candidate have any clear policy to address these problems?
One can go on. The list of very serious problems that are threatening the stability and integrity of our system is long. By any objective yardstick India is facing the gravest crisis since independence. One would have thought that prime ministerial candidates would focus on some of the key issues confronting the nation and inform voters how precisely they intend to tackle them. As yet nether candidate has addressed even the fringe of the national crisis. Does either candidate have any policies or ideas about how to meet the challenge? Or is it that the big corporate powers that back both of them will decide these issues? In that event the next Prime Minister at best will offer merely more efficient implementation of Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's approach. It may at best lead to marginally improved status quo.
Is that all that India needs and wants? After Mr. Modi's Patna rally and the bomb blasts a BJP victory appears unassailable. Is that not all the more reason for Mr. Modi to stop targeting his opponent and start focusing on serious policy issues?


text:
I really don't want to say too too much about this wall at the moment, mainly because it pretty much drove me INSANE to get it the way I wanted, and it's still not exactly how I wanted. >.>;;;;; *OCD*
Basically, I found a nice scan of Aya that I'd been wanting to use for forever...so I finally got the urge to render it. Karmira had found this awesome window that she'd used in a recent wall, so I asked her to share it with me~ Thank you ^^ Once I got that into place, I changed the colors and played around with the render of Aya, afterwards adding some light and dust specs--Thank you Dya for that suggestion~ THEN, it wasn't quite right still so I added a victorian style print to serve as wallpaper for the walls around the window. Thank you Kas, for THAT suggestion~
After SEVERAL attempts...it finally came out this way. Maybe I will pick it up again sometime...but for now, it is DONE. *_*
Hope you like it Kita.
Comments/hugs/faves always appreciated~
Window: Audpod of DA


text:
Human needs are extremely diverse. Broadly speaking, actually can be grouped into three, that is the needs of primary, secondary, tertiary. For business or primary basic needs, ie food, clothing and shelter. All three are the main support element in this life. When viewed from the eyes of the business, food is an easy target to clear land for a highly qualified, as you surely know, when hungry people would find food.
HOW TO START A BUSINESS Talking about FOOD, maybe if you are still very common in the world of competitive business, you certainly have a lot to learn and prepare yourself the best possible mental and your material thoroughly. Due to competition in the business world is so tight and growing. Well, if you are really determined to start a business area to pursue these foods, you can listen to these tips and how to get started. More please refer from SituSaja
Here are some FOOD TO START A BUSINESS
1. Prepare your best mentally and solidified your heart that you will be successful in the business field of food / culinary. Because no self-confidence and mental determination, you will be easily swayed, and it is possible you could fail miserably.
2. You must specify a target or goal that you will attack. The point is that you should really think carefully, about the target market where you will go. For example, college students, office, school, or even labor. It is important, once again you must be absolutely clear in the affairs of the target or the target's binis your food.
3. You must strive to learn and understand about the food, it means you have to improve your skills in cooking, because the more you know and the experts in the culinary field, then the door was wide open for your success. Perdalamlah expertise in matters of cooking, if you need to learn to cook with experience so that the quality of your expertise in matters of cuisine can really be maximized. Even though you later rely on your salary when chefs produce food for sale, but it would be better you are also an expert in cooking.
4. Once a target market that you seek is clear, and you also have qualified in matters of the ins and outs of food, then get yourself to maximize the quality of cuisine / food would you sell. The flavor should be qualified, the testing process is absolutely necessary in order to ascertain dishes / foods you want to make your primary commodities really tasteful, tasty and delicious, consumers will feel satisfied if you sell food actually tastes good.
5. You have to identify your competitors. There's a saying, "do not know it was love", now in the business world, the phrase can be interpreted as a way to strengthen your competitive position in the food business. So, the point is, the more you know the ins and outs of your competitors, then you will be more easily conquered them.
6. If you come across so many business competitors with similar food that you make a commitment, do not be embarrassed, do things that are unique and have a characteristic strong so your food looks different from your competitors foods, even foods that are sold exactly the same, but if the food you have a typical, assured consumers will respond positively and consumers will be automatically glanced food you sell.
7. Explain more fully the type of food that you will use as your main product and customize to your target market. For example, you are targeting college students, and you want to sell your toast as your main menu. Well, think about it in a mature concept and feasibility toast you your food in the eyes of the students.
8. Determine the initial price. Learn widely from your competitors, the price of its competitors such foods you can become a clear picture for you to menentukn price. Instead, when starting a business / sell, you make a special price (slightly skewed) than the price set by your competitors. This is done so that your target consumers flocked to buy the food you sell. Once your business has started many enthusiasts / buyers, raise the price may not be a difficult thing to do, bear in mind, you have to price increases offset the quality of food that must be maintained, so that your customers remain loyal to your customers.
9. Choose a strategic place. This is very important, because it means something if the food you sell is the food most delicious in the world though, if no one knows where the place to buy food that you sell. So, once again it is important to pay attention to the selection of a strategic place so that people will easily find a place to sell your business.
10. Promotion. Well, this is also an important factor in the business world. Promote your business as possible to the people, so that people become aware of your business. either by way of pasting pamphlets, or by other means that the point is to promote your business.
11. When a place has been fixed, settled, also has a strategic location, then you have to keep it clean. With the condition of hygiene is maintained, then the buyer will be comfortable and will possibly continue to be your regular customer.
12. Name of your business. Notice, everyone, certainly has a name given by their parents. So is your business, name / trade mark for your business so that people can easily remember your business. For example, your business, you give the name of "BREAD FUEL maknyuss". Well, that's what will be on the minds of your buyers, oh turns maknyuss toast is delicious, yes, and they will return again and again to buy food that you sell. So, once again important issue is the trade name. few tips, in giving a name, try a simple and easy to remember for people to easily remember the name of your business, but do not be careless when naming your business. Think carefully.
13. Hospitality. Apparently, people would be happier if the service is performed by warm-hearted, polite, and sincere. so get yourself when you serve your buyers, try to be friendly to them. Little things that might be able to bring big profits for your business.
14. Fast service. Imagine if you're waiting for the immature rice when you're hungry. Though still a long ripening rice, now roughly what would you feel? you will feel uncomfortable is not it? nah, that's a reflection of what is in the minds of your visitors if the service process of time, they will feel uncomfortable as well and it is possible they will give up buying your food just because of the slow service. Avoid slow customer service.
15. Cooperation with other parties. You can create a business strategy to leave him food with others, such as the cafeteria, or where is up to you. The wider your network, the more extensive is also the possibility of your success.
16. Patience, resignation, always pray to almighty God to always be smooth in a food business that you make a commitment. Do not give up when it fails, and Always seek help from the Creator so that your business success.


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SQL Interview Questions – Basics 1
What is RDBMS (Relational database management system)?
RDBMS is a database management system (DBMS) that is based on the relational model. Relationships may be created and maintained across and among the data and tables. In a relational database, relationships between data items are expressed by means of tables. Interdependencies among these tables are expressed by data values
What is the Difference between DBMS and RDBMS?
A DBMS has to be persistent, that is it should be accessible when the program created the data ceases to exist or even the application that created the data restarted. A DBMS also has to provide some uniform methods independent of a specific application for accessing the information that is stored.
RDBMS is a Relational Data Base Management System Relational DBMS. This adds the additional condition that the system supports a tabular structure for the data, with enforced relationships between the tables. This excludes the databases that don't support a tabular structure or don't enforce relationships between tables.
What are the properties of the RDBMS tables?
1 Values are atomic.
2 Column values are of the same kind.
3 Each row is unique.
4 Each column must have a unique name.
5 The sequence of columns is insignificant.
6 The sequence of rows is insignificant.


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The Sunday Times Style mag, Vogue and Elle have all hailed leather and lace as two of the biggest trends for the coming season. I've still not gotten to go on my summer holidays, but who am I to argue?!
I thought I'd take a little look through the current high street offerings, for us mere mortals, and pick my favourites. First up is Oasis, I'm particularly enamoured with this collection.
This faux leather skater skirt is cute and not too gothic, if you're a bit afraid of coming over a bit OTT. It'd be cute with a lace blouse on top, or even a casual tee.
A lacy blouse in a perfect nude colour, wear it with jeans, over the leather skirt, or even tucked into a pair of shorts. Cute.
I do realise that this is neither leather nor lace but wouldn't it look great with a leather biker jacket over it? Also, I never get sick of stripes.
Isn't this a stellar piece? Rock it with ankle boots and a statment neckpiece.


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JPEG Imager 2.5.0
An interactive image compressor. Provides various compression controls and a real-time preview of a resulting image. May prove to be very useful if you need to optimize your images for publishing in the Web. Includes a set of image enhancement tools.
Last update 18 Jun. 2011 | old versions Licence Free to try | $29.00 OS Support Windows Me Downloads Total: 5,683 | Last week: 3 Ranking #87 in Digital Photo Tools Publisher V-methods Software
Screenshots of JPEG Imager
JPEG Imager Editor's ReviewJPEG Imager is a great application for compressing and optimizing images. It supports batch operations, but it also allows you to process images one at a time. The main thing I like about this application is the fact that it allows you to preview the results in realtime. I think this application is suited for anyone who needs to correct, enhance, or compress photos.
The user interface is very nicely designed. After you open a picture, you can navigate through all the images in the current directory by simply pressing the next/previous button. The program supports zooming in and out by using the mouse wheel. Both the original and the preview image are automatically updated when you zoom. You should also know that the program can acquire images directly from a twain source such as your scanner.
A lot of image effects can be applied, including grayscale, negative, sharpen, blur, emboss, and so on. It's possible to rotate or flip the image. Also, you can adjust the gamma/brightness/contrast levels, the color balance, or the hue.
Pluses: As I said, the application supports batch operations. You can add multiple pictures and resize, rotate, flip, or compress them with just a single click. The program can also create thumbnails and generate filenames automatically.
Drawbacks / flaws: I don't understand why the "Enable MMX/SSE2 optimizations" checkbox is disabled by default in the program's preferences dialog.
In conclusion: JPEG Imager is a great application that gets my full approval.
version reviewed: 188.8.131.52
JPEG Imager Publisher's Description
JPEG Imager is an interactive image compressor. It provides a real-time preview of a compressed image and handy means to compare it with original one. You can fiddle with various compression parameters and observe the effect of changes almost instantly. You can also specify a desired file size and let the program select the proper value of the quality...Read more
What's New in Version 2.5.0 of JPEG Imager
This update brings new 'Crop' tool, adds customizable 'Resize' presets and auto zoom.
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text:
Ed made a great frame for the Mt St Helens piece. It is rough cedar and fits the outdoor scene perfectly. I'll be taking this piece down to the store this afternoon.
Anne, glass artist in Canada and a very generous lady, sent me her spare controller for my soldering iron, among other things. I will be going up to Inspirations Glass in Chinook later this week to buy a new Hakko soldering iron. Between the new iron and the new controller, I'm hoping to see further improvement in my soldering. The soldering in this piece is much improved over prior projects, but I still need to work on that particular skill.
The next piece will be Schooner Moon. I drew this one out after seeing a beautiful sailboat down on the river. I should inventory my glass before I drive over to Chinook....
Glassing will have to take a back seat shortly. Summer means all hands on deck for construction. My granddaughter is coming for the summer. I wonder if she's old enough to run a nailing gun. Actually, I'd like to take my glass scraps, run them through a rock tumbler (have to get one) and we can make mosaics together. We'll see..


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Schumacher 29mm Rear Outer Hinge Pin (2)
|Low Price:
$1.99 Flat Rate Shipping!
This item is eligible for $1.99 flat rate shipping Learn More
This item earns up to 4 VIP Reward Points Learn More
This is a pack of two replacement Schumacher 29mm Rear Outer Hinge Pins, and are intended for use with the Schumacher CAT K1 1/10 scale 4WD buggy.
This product was added to our catalog on January 8, 2013.


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Bangkok Airways is a regional airline based out of Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi International Airport. It began operations in 1986 and was Thailand's first privately owned airline.
Bangkok Airways currently offers domestic flights to 9 destinations in Thailand and international flights to Bangladesh, Cambodia, Hong Kong, India, Laos, Maldives, Myanmar (Burma), and Singapore. The airline plans to expand service to the Middle East and China.
Though not a traditional budget airline, Bangkok Airways offers good value flights to destinations not served by other airlines. It is the private owner of the airports in Koh Samui, Sukhothai, and Trat. All passengers enjoy premium services including complimentary checked luggage, on-board refreshments, and pre-flight lounge access.
Bangkok Airways operates a mixed fleet of Airbus A319, Airbus A320, and ATR-72-500 aircraft.
Bangkok Airways destinations include:
Bangkok (Suvarnabhumi Airport) – main hub
Chiang Mai (Chiang Mai International Airport)
Ko Samui (Samui Airport) – focus city
Krabi (Krabi Airport)
Pattaya (U-Tapao International Airport)
Phuket (Phuket International Airport)
Sukhothai (Sukhothai Airport)
Trat (Trat Airport)
Luang Prabang (Luang Prabang International Airport)
Dhaka (Hazrat Shahjalal International Airport)
Phnom Penh (Phnom Penh International Airport)
Siem Reap (Angkor International Airport)
Hong Kong
Hong Kong (Hong Kong International Airport)
Bangalore (Bengaluru International Airport)
Mumbai (Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport)
Malé (Malé International Airport)
Yangon (Yangon International Airport)
Singapore (Singapore Changi Airport)


text:
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Apply only to affected area. For recreational use only.If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Subject to change without notice. Slippery when wet.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Top Ten Creationist Arguments
What you won't see at "The Ark Experience"
Turns out you have to gloss over a few inconvenient facts if you want to believe 3000 year old religious texts and ignore science.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Well, We're Ahead of Turkey At Any Rate
Monday, July 18, 2011
Help! Help! I'm being Repressed!
There's been some noise around the interwebs recently about how oppressed white men are. Who knew? I'm under the thumb of The Man (or rather The Woman I suppose) and nobody told me. It's all out there in The Manosphere.
I've actually kept kindof quiet about the recent Richard Dawkins flap, but it seems to me a lot of people blew a few passing comments out of proportion. I actually literally laughed out loud when Mr. Deity mentioned how they threw Richard Dawkins under the bus.
I think I'll just sum the whole thing up here: Guys, don't be dicks.
I find it personally disappointing when we devolve into this kind of blame game so and so is bad and so and so is wrong. Makes us look like politicians. Issues that are important to me include the quality of American education (including keeping religion out of schools and teaching real science), fair pay, jobs, and care for the underprivileged at home (which is vehemently opposed by the religious right, otherwise known as Republicans), and human rights violations around the world and at home (most of which occur in the name of God).
It occurred to me at some point that most of the issues I care about are caused by or exploited by religion in some fashion, and I threw my lot in with the Atheists. Rebecca Watson was right to speak out on her issue. It matters to her and she raised awareness of it. Her audience is quite a bit larger than mine, so she's succeeded admirably. Meanwhile I've lost nearly everything in a fight to protect my children from fundamentalism. It has truly cost me dearly. That's why I don't disagree with Dawkins either: certain issues are just a little bit more important to my life at the moment. When I've finished deprogramming my children and teaching them to appreciate the world as it is and not how some ancient goat herders wants it to be, I'll make sure I cover jerks propositioning women in elevators too. I can't wait until the day when that's what I have to be worried about.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
All you really need to know about Politics
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Don't be stupid…
Vaccinate your kids.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Should math be taught in schools?
Recently all Miss USA candidates were asked if evolution should be taught in schools.
The answers were varied, and most overwhelmingly indicated that they did not personally believe evolution. That's an appalling statement on American education and the iron grip the religious right holds over our country. While there were a couple of definite "yes" answers, many "yes" answers were of the variety "well we should teach both sides". It's such an appalling state that so many believe there's "two sides". If we teach whatever anybody believes, we must also include creation stories from Hinduism, Daosim, Pastafarianism, Raelianism, and so on. It's not just evolution and the Abrahamic faiths. Evolution differs from all of the creation stories in one important respect: It has evidence. It's science. It's not faith based. We should not teach religion in schools, but we should teach science. Creationism in all it's varied forms (including Intelligent Design) is RELIGION. Period.
Consider this from another angle: what if the question was "Should we teach Math in schools?"
If rap was more like this, I would listen to it more often
Yep, this about sums it all up
Why Michelle Bachman as a presidential candidate may not be as absurd as you would think.
Carl Sagan was a Mormon?!?
In some random internet surfing I ran across this: http://famousdeadmormons.com/index.php?id=208
The Mormons have a habit of posthumously baptizing famous people into the Mormon religion. Some of them are really amusing. This site has listed some of the more interesting names, including:
Carl Sagan,
Groucho Marx,
Alexander the Great,
George Carlin,
Frank Zappa,
George Orwell,
Jack Ruby,
Bing Crosby,
Joey Ramone,
Betty Page,
Buddy Ebsen,
Fred Rogers,
Shemp Howard,
Steve McQueen,
Lee Harvey Oswald,
Karen Carpenter,
Earnest Hemingway,
Babe Ruth,
Wolfman Jack,
John F. Kennedy,
Joan of Arc,
Timothy Leary,
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,
Oral Roberts,
John Candy,
Pope John Paul II,
King Arthur,
Hunter S. Thompson,
Karl Marx,
Sam Kinison,
Andre the Giant,
Malcolm X,
James Dean,
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz,
Jimmy Hoffa,
Johnny Cash,
Vlad the Impaler (better known as Count Dracula),
Attila the Hun,
Sid Vicous and Nancy Spungen,
Candy Barr (famous stripper),
and Anna Nicole Smith
just to name some of the more amusing ones.


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Fan Fest is a large, two and a half day indoor festival held on the heels of the IBMA World of Bluegrass trade show and after the Awards Show. Bands perform half hour to forty minute sets gratis to benefit the Bluegrass Trust Fund, which assists needy musicians, and IBMA for promotion of bluegrass music throughout the world. Customarily, I like to picture bands and their sidemen, largely because I believe sidemen receive much too little attention as crucial members of their bands. Fan Fest is so large and so diverse that this practice is just not possible. The pictures here, rather, represent an impressionistic view of the events of Fan Fest on Saturday. The culmination of the day's music was a reunion of J.D. Crowe and the New South with many of the people who played in this ground breaking band of the seventies and eighties. In addition, J.D. and Friends included bluegrass pioneers Jesse McReynolds, Bobby Osborne, and Bobby Hicks. It's rare to see so many bluegrass legends together on a stage anywhere. Credit for creating this large and complex event goes to co-producers Carl Jackson and Mark Newton, who last week pulled off a huge musical coup in re-creating such music aggregations, filling in when necessary with contemporary musicians of stature equal to the originals. I'll pretty much let the pictures speak for themselves, so on with the show.
Kids on Bluegrass: A Tribute to Houston Caldwell
Houston Caldwell was a participant in Kids on Bluegrass at IBMA for several years. Last May, he was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident just after his return from the Merlefest Banjo Contest. His parents, in their grief, are seeking to establish a festival in his memory to benefit the Houston Caldwell Foundation, The Galax Fire Department, and to provide music scholarships and programs.
The Caldwell Family
Kids on Bluegrass
Emcee Gene Skinner
I've posted a Picasa Web Album with 99 pictures I took of Kids on Bluegrass. Below is a link to the album. Feel free to download pictures from this album for your personal use.
Co-Producers Mark Newton & Carl Jackson Look On
Carl Jackson with the Moore Brothers
The Church Sisters - Savannah
Sarah Church
Carl Jackson with The Church Sisters Band
Country Singer Ken Mellons
The Quebe Sisters
Hulda Quebe
Grace Quebe
Co-Producer Mark Newton with The Quebe Sisters
Kimberly Williams - The Expedition Show
Blake Williams - The Expedition Show
Christopher Olsson - G2 from Sweden
Tobias Stromberg - G2
G2 at Their Merch Table
Chris Jones - Chris Jones & the Night Drivers
Jon Weisberger - Chris Jones and the Night Drivers
Ned Luberecki - Chris Jones & the Night Drivers
Claire Lynch - Female Vocalist of the Year
The Claire Lynch Band with Carl Jackson
Josh Williams - Guitar Player of the Year
Emerging Artist of the Year
Nick Keen - Josh Williams Band
Randy Barnes - The Josh Williams Band
Michael & Danny Paisley - Danny Paisley & The Southern Grass
Bobby Lundy - Danny Paisley & The Southern Grass
In the Exhibition Hall
Janet Deering Presents Deering Goodtime Banjo
Kyle Ramey
Audie Blaylock & Redline
Patrick McAvinue, Darrell Webb, Audie Blaylock
J.D. Crowe & Jesse McReynolds Rehearsing Backstage
Jesse McReynolds
Bobby Osborne - Backstage
Marty Raybon & Daniel Grindstaff
Marty Raybon & Full Circle
Marty Raybon Signs for Fans
Grand Master Fiddle Champion
J.D Crowe
Legends of Bluegrass
Shadd Cobb, Phil Leadbetter, David Peterson
Jesse McReynolds, Bobby Osborne, J.D. Crowe
Jesse McReynolds & Bobby Osborne
Jesse McReynolds, J.D. Crowe, & Bobby Osborne
Dan Hays, Executive Director of IBMA and JaeLee Roberts
Prize Drawing
JaeLee Roberts, Martin Rep., Martin Guitar Winner and
Dan Hays
Russell Moore - Male Vocalist of the Year
IIIrd Tyme Out
Steve Dilling & Russell Moore
IIIrd Tyme Out
Tony Rice & JaeLee Roberts
Bradley Walker & Tony Rice
in a Quiet Moment
IIIrd Tyme Out with Carl Jackson
J.D. Crowe
Ricky Skags with The Whites
Sheryl, Buck, & Sharon
Sierra Hull & Carl Jackson
Tony Rice & J.D. Crowe
Buck White
Sheryl White
Ricky Skaggs
Ricky Skaggs
Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder
Bradley Walker, Ricky Skaggs & Tony Rice
Ricky Skaggs, Tony Rice, J.D. Crowe
Bobby Hicks
Tony Rice
Bobby Hicks, Bryn Davies, Ricky Skaggs,
J.D. Crowe, Tony Rice
Bryn Davies
Ricky Skaggs
Bobby Hicks
Bryn Davies
Tony Rice
Aubrey Haynie
Bradley Walker
Josh Williams
Tony Rice
Saturday Night After Hours Showcases
Mast Farm Inn - Emerging Artist Series
Wayne Taylor & Appaloosa
Mast Farm Inn - Emerging Artist Series
Wayne Taylor & Appaloosa
Katie Wilson
Clint Wilson
Katie Wilson
Nu Blue
Daniel Routh
Caroline Routh
Saturday at Fan Fest began for us a little after 9:00 A.M and continued until well after 2:00 A.M., a pretty typical day at IBMA. There's so much stimulation that you only noticed you're tired from time to time. More to come.
Ted Lehmann & Carl Jackson


text: What Corporate Recruiters Say Discover what recruiters are saying about job prospects for MBAs in 2015. Each year, the Graduate Management Admission Council asks companies that hire recent business school grads about their hiring and salary projections for the coming year, what candidates they seek, and what drives their decisions about who to hire, what positions to fill, and where to place talent. Hiring Demand for B-School Grads Reaches New Highs in 2015 Employer demand for graduate business students continues to show a strong upward trend in 2015, as more companies plan to hire graduates from MBA and master-level programs in management, accounting, and finance compared with last year: 84% plan to hire recent MBA grads in 2015 (up from 74% who hired MBAs in 2014). 51% plan to hire Master in Management graduates (up from 41% in 2014). 44% plan to hire Master of Accounting grads (up from 31% in 2014). 46% plan to hire Master of Finance grads (up from 32% last year). 57% plan to hire other specialized business master's graduates (up from 45% in 2014). Recruiters Want Experience and Skills When asked what factors were most important in selecting business school graduates to interview, corporate recruiters most frequently cited responses were 'proven ability to perform' (92%), followed by strong oral communication skills (89%), and strong 'technical and/or quantitative skills' (84%), in addition to a history of increased job responsibility, strong writing skills, and relevant industry experience. Prior work experience is still key in helping you stand out in the job market, especially for MBA graduates. Depending on the degree earned, employers expect recent b-school graduates to have an average (median) of two to four years of prior work experience. MBA Salaries Command Premium Globally, more than half of employers surveyed plan to increase starting salaries for new MBA hires in 2015, either at the rate of inflation (30% of companies) or higher (21%). The median starting salary expected in 2015 for recent MBA graduates in the United States is US$100,000, representing an increase of US$5,000 over 2014 salaries and nearly double the expected starting salary of US$55,000 offered to bachelor's candidates in 2015. Employers this year expect to place a majority of recent graduate b-school degree holders in mid-level (65% of employers) or entry-level (51%) positions. Internships Lead to Jobs Internships will help you build a network of contacts in your chosen industry and expose you to potential hiring decision makers. Hiring prospects for interns is high: 67 percent of companies had MBA interns in 2014 and the vast majority (85%) offered full-time positions to those interns. More than half of companies (56%) had business masters' interns in 2014 and 83 percent offered full-time positions to these interns. Read more about how an internship can work for you.