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Topic: Jokes (Read 1793 times)
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Re: Jokes
Reply #150
March 01, 2010, 08:06:41 am »
-------Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler
December 8 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in
the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and
buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish
I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The
wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom.
December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of
the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all
day. The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob
says I have to shovel or the city will have it done
and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold,
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes
to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
had to pee. By the time I got undressed, pee'd and
dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of
the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the
ass is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
ever catch the son of a **** who drives that snow
plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100
miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25
Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
slop tonight - Snowed in
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate
the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife
says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' one
more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes freeze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The **** is
driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now
he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the
beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to
her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
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Re: Jokes
Reply #151
March 11, 2010, 08:19:04 pm »
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"One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to help prevent there to be a crisis." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009
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Re: Jokes
Reply #152
March 27, 2010, 08:55:47 am »
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00 Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine..
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail..
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent: Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1500.00 Beer: $20.00 Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
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Re: Jokes
Reply #153
March 28, 2010, 08:34:45 pm »
The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year-old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a mail order bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty-one in November." Now the banker, being the wise man that he was could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man.
Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.
Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon. About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker. Tom proudly said, "Good - she's pregnant." The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?" Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too."
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Re: Jokes
Reply #154
March 28, 2010, 09:23:25 pm »
A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the
he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go
quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and
said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman. 'How about global warming or
universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you
a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -
grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose
that is?'
The California legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to
discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know
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Re: Jokes
Reply #155
March 28, 2010, 09:31:38 pm »
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.
Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed.
'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.'
With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, 'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?'
After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer..'
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq .'
'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon, he and is wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star, explained,
'That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.'
An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How long was he missing?'
God's Problem Now.
His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well,-- she's there.'
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Re: Jokes
Reply #156
March 29, 2010, 08:58:48 am »
(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need 3 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below.
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
What color is a purple finch? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange
(of course!)
What do you mean, you failed?!!
Me, too...!!!
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Re: Jokes
Reply #157
March 29, 2010, 04:18:40 pm »
A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other , and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
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Don't blame me...I voted for Ron Paul
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Re: Jokes
Reply #158
March 29, 2010, 08:55:10 pm »
Subject: Getting Older
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean
and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happend and the manexplained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first
with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arle en, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
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Re: Jokes
Reply #159
March 30, 2010, 08:57:09 am »
An illegal immigrant picks up a ****.
"Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asks.
"$100," she replies.
In broken English, he says, "Do you do immigrant style?"
"No" she says.
"I pay you $200 to do immigrant style."
"No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.
"I pay you $300."
"No," she says.
"I pay you $400."
"No," she says.
So finally he says, "OK, I pay $1,000 to do immigrant style."
She thinks, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world.
How bad could immigrant style be?"
So she agrees and has sex with him. Finally, after several hours, they finish. Exhausted, the **** turns to him and says, "Hey, I was
expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good
So, what exactly is immigrant style?"
The illegal immigrant replies, "You send bill to Government."
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Re: Jokes
Reply #160
March 30, 2010, 08:03:42 pm »
A Blonde's Year in Review
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
Box said ' 2-4 years!'
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!
Tried to make Kool Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
Car swamped because soft-top was open.
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
Hate M & M's.....
They are so hard to peel.
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ...
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)
'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'
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Re: Jokes
Reply #161
April 04, 2010, 01:26:13 pm »
Blondes Are The Best!!!
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking, What have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard. Let's see how THEY like it!"
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Lynn and Ruth were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Ruth, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.' Ruth got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing... I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied... 'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.
'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
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Be an angel, fly with God's flock.
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Re: Jokes
Reply #162
April 07, 2010, 08:05:00 pm »
Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm.
All their lives they had both had an extreme fear of thunder
storms and lightning.
One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbour, and while
walking home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning
was streaking across the sky and thunder was booming all
Totally terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her
head in the hay like an ostrich, so she could not see the
lightning or hear the thunder.
With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed, and
the wind blew her dress up exposing a long unused part of her
Along came the local stud, and seeing the poor soul's
predicament, he did the only thing a well endowed stud would do
in such a situation.
After fully satisfying himself he zipped up his pants and went on
his merry way.
Soon the sister pulled her head out of the haystack and rushed
home, calling to her sister,
"Sissy, Sissy, let me tell you something! I was just hit by lightning...
and we never have to be afraid again!!!!!!"
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Re: Jokes
Reply #163
April 07, 2010, 08:10:37 pm »
Bill rents an apartment in Chicago, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl, so she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, he places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go to my apartment. I hear someone coming..." Bill follows her into the apartment. Once inside, she leans against the wall allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now completely ****, she purrs, "What would you say is my best feature?" The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, your best feature has to be your ears!" She's astounded! "Why my ears? Looks at these br easts! They're full, they don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My butt is firm and doesn't sag, and have no cellulite! So, why in in the world would you say my ears are my best feature?" Clearing his throat once again, Bill stammers, "Because, when we were in the hallway you said you heard someone coming... that was me!"
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Re: Jokes
Reply #164
April 07, 2010, 08:17:17 pm »
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective
conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect.
You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said,
\"did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face!
You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said
"What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile
of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!
You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...."
He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything
distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses." The detective frowned, took another look at the picture,
and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
"You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
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Weekly News Roundup Podcast
April 25, 2018
Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.
Email This Story
Showcase was the big news for this week's Peace Times news roundup with Caitlin Richards. This is the fourth episode of The Peace Times podcast. Have ideas for what should be covered or features you'd like to see? Email us or hit us up on social media.
April 25 News Roundup by Alex Garrison and Caitlin Richards
April 13 News Roundup by Caitlin Richards
March 23 News Roundup, with Chris Baker interview
March 2 News Roundup


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|Official internet-portal of St. Petersburg, cultural capital of Russia
|Petersburg CITY / Guide to St. Petersburg, Russia
Printed from: http://petersburgcity.com/news/city/2005/05/24/res/
City news, 24.05.2005 16:25
New Kosher RestaurantThe Great Choral Synagogue of S. Petersburg held an event for the official inauguration of a new Jewish restaurant, 'Lechaim' built inside this historic building. Designed to seat 200 people, this restaurant is comprised of two large halls with an elegant European-styled interior. The Chief Rabbi of S. Petersburg, Menachem Mendel Pewzner, supervises the restaurant's adherence to kashrut, while Vlad Nedezhin, an Israeli chef with rich working experience in the Jewish homeland, fills the menu of this restaurant with delicious national dishes.
For a long time now, local Jews have been in need of a special kosher place for hosting Jewish communal festivities, including Bar and Bat Mitzvas, Brit Mila, birthdays, and many other celebrations. Apart from this, the Synagogue is visited by many travelers, who prefer to eat kosher food. The new kosher restaurant welcomes all visitors, regardless of their nationality or religion.
'Lechaim' was initiated by the community's Board of Trustees and the Jewish Businessmen's Club, with support from Rabbi Pewzner and community Chairman Mark Grubarg. The Businessmen's Club, headed by Avrom Arshinov, assumed the financial responsibility for the restaurant's foundation. Two club members – Yevgeny Kargopolov and Alexander Shmidt – also rendered their support for this new project. All income from this restaurant will go towards humanitarian goals and meeting the needs of the Jewish community.
Rabbi Pewzner and Mark Grubarg congratulated participants in this festive event, among whom were German Ambassador Gerhardt Kraus, Israeli Consul Marat Boguslavsky, regional government representative M. Brodskiy, and members of both the local Jewish community members and Businessmen's Club.
News source: www.fjc.ru
|(c) 2000 PetersburgCity.com
E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.com


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The definition of Chrysalis; a process of development or change.
Chrysalis Medispa, formally known as Chrysalis Skin Technology, was founded in 2002 by Dr Mark Vucak. Chrysalis Medispa is Townsville's leading laser, injectable and skin care specialists and has been for well over a decade. The clinic has changed and grown as new technologies have become available.
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Tucson Adoption Day festivalPosted: Updated:
TUCSON, Ariz. -- Most adoptions in Pima County take place in a courtroom, but once a year, the proceedings jump from the court to the playground.
This celebration at Udall Park may look like a gathering for a fall festival.
However, it's a lot more than that.
"We're joining families with children who need a family," said Judge Geoffrey Ferlan from the Pima County Juvenile Court.
About a hundred children were adopted by 70 families Saturday at the annual Pima County adoption day celebration.
Toni Chapman didn't even know her daughter was pregnant and was shocked to hear she had a grandson born last December.
But after little Jonathan tested positive for drugs, he was placed in foster care.
"His father wanted to leave him in foster care and I didn't feel that was appropriate when he has family," said adoptive parent Toni Chapman.
In April, Jonathan was placed in his grandparents care.
Saturday after a 15 minute court proceeding, Toni and her husband were finally granted custody.
"It's exciting now he's ours he belongs to us and nobody else nobody can take him he's ours it's just wonderful and watching him grow," Chapman said.
Max Munoz is one of three boys. His grandparents adopted his two older brothers. But there was a chance Max could be separated from them.
"We've been through a lot this year with losing our daughter and now were getting the second sibling so that they didn't get separated so this is exciting for us," said Irene Munoz.
For both families, Saturday was the start of a new journey, one that has the power to change a child's life.
"Its great that we have people out there who want to help other kids because we have so many kids that have nobody," Ferlan said. "Seeing families come together like this is one of the most satisfying experiences that I have had as a judge in juvenile court."
It was the 12th Annual Adoption Day event for Pima County Juvenile Court. It comes just a couple weeks before National Adoption Day on November 19.


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We've contemplated hiring a cleaning person, but I have always felt weird about having someone else come in and clean for me. It's just me being weird. But I also feel that I have two little girls who can learn how to do some of this stuff too ;-)
In our homeschool this week... We learned about the Jews being forced out of their land. We played dreidl and made potato latkes. We learned about Nero, the Catacombs and Constantine. We learned the origins of the fish symbol and made salt dough maps of Italy.
|Allie's salt dough map of Italy.
I am a little disappointed that Story of the World does not get into much about Pompei, but we are doing our own study on Pompei through nonfiction books from the library. We thought The Buried City of Pompeii by Shelley Tanaka was a great book. Both girls are reading The Magic Tree House #14 Vacation Under the Volcano where Jack & Annie are in Rome just before Vesuvius erupts.
We learned about verb tenses and regular and irregular verbs in grammar. We learned when to use set and when to use sit; when to use raise and when to use rise; when to use lie and when to use lay. Since the girls have mastered direct objects this was easy peasy for them! Did I mention how much I adore Easy Grammar?
The girls are cruising along in math and reading. I simply adore Writing with Ease--I am ashamed to admit that I had not been using Story of the World to it's full potential as far as ALWAYS doing the questions & summary--but that will change next year!!
I used to run an American Girl Club at the library, but we had decided to change things up this year. Anyway, I FINALLY got around to bringing all of the stuff home. There were American Girl plays that I had photocopied. The girls have been having a blast with them and even brought some to my uncle's to perform at Easter. They have now decided to write their own play with the American Girls as the characters.
The girls have also been thrilled to have some new bloggy penpals that love American Girl dolls as much as they do (among other things!).
This morning we are watching a recording of the royal wedding. History being made right in front of our eyes--and we get to comment on fashion!
Places we're going and people we're seeing... Our public school friends were off again this week, so we enjoyed some bowling with them on Monday. Choir was canceled for spring break. The girls came to work with me as usual two days this week and hung out with friends there. They also had homeschool soccer on Thursday and today, we are invited over the home of some new homeschool friends.
My favorite thing this week was...The work the girls did on their own in researching Pompei. I showed them how to locate materials and they went to town. They created lists of interesting facts and are both really enjoying this little research project.
Also, we had fun with all of the American Girl plays and I can't wait to see their play when it is complete!
What's working/not working for us... I have to say, as the year winds down, I realize I could have been more relaxed. I tend to be very focused. If I have something to do, I get it done. My mom always told us, 'First you do the things you have to do, then you do the things you want to do." So, I look at homeschool as: first we get the lessons done, then we play with friends.
I am glad that we will be done next week, take a break, then spend a few months on Science, Latin, Daily Grams & Math, take a break and then go back to History, Easy Grammar, Math & Complete Writer. I want to really find time for the Rosetta Stone Spanish we bought & more art projects (or an art class!). But I also want to find more time for reading days, playdates, and field trips next year.
Homeschool questions/thoughts I have...How do you balance playdates, field trips and getting the lessons done?
A photo, video, link or quote to share...


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I want to say thank you to Arisa (https://livelovelaughandletitgo.wordpress.com), who nominated me for the Creative Bloggers award! It really means a lot to me that you thought of me for this award, and I sincerely appreciate it.
To accept this award, there are several rules I have to follow, which include:
1.) Nominate other blogs and notify all nominees via their social media/blogs
2.) Thank and post the link of the blog that nominated you (very important)
3.) Share 5 facts about yourself to your readers
4.) Pass these rules on to them
My Five Facts:
1.) I love animals. More than I like most people, haha. Cats are my absolute favorite, and so are raccoons. I've had two pet raccoons in my life, Meeko when I was younger, and now I have Roxie, who I've had since I was in 7th grade.
2.) I am obsessed with Sweden. There's really no reason for it, I just love it. I will (hopefully) one day finally get to go and validate my random appreciation for the country.
3.) I also have an immense love for Audrey Hepburn and Johnny Depp. My other favorite celebrities (living and dead) are Demi Lovato, Lea Michele, and Anthony Perkins.
4.) I am one of those people who have no go-to hobbies or interests because I basically like everything. Except when it comes to food, then I basically hate everything. (I'm an absurdly picky eater).
5.) I'm a living contradiction, think of the Scotch Korean Starburst Commercials, which are pretty much the best commercials to ever grace the television, btw, and that's my life. Just an example: I love scary movies, and dark, creepy things, I can't get enough of the morose stuff but I'm terrified of the dark. I'm one of the quietest people you will probably ever meet, but I also never shut up. There are many, many more but I won't bore you with the mundane tedium of my life.
My Nominations:


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Brady reminds the pusher that he's loaded. That's true. He's also rich. #DAYS
When you look "awkward" up in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of Jordan, Kate and half-naked Rafe together. #DAYS
EJ doesn't want Sami to think he's a monster who would help destroy Eric. He's just a monster who would kidnap his own daughter. #DAYS
Kate brings Arianna's christening gown. That's nice but I don't think it will fit Rafe.


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November 1, 2010 § Leave a comment
First, let me say I am sorry to fall so far behind on posting! I know your life depends on this blog. Here are some things that are going to change/have changed:
1. The About Me page is now slightly more revealing – now you can find out my name.
2. I added another link to the list of blogs on the right: Grub Street Boston, which is the source for everything food in Boston.
3. Forget the posting schedule I made (I think we both know it wasn't working out). I cannot live life with such regiment! From now on, I am going to post whenever I feel inspired, and that will be much more often. And expect a better variety of posts.
4. Now you can get a full rundown of the food I eat on Twitter. Vital information! (Also, expect posts very soon, and by that I mean they are coming right after this one, about my Twitter page, and the festival I live-tweeted this weekend.) Please see my Twitter feed on the right of my blog.
My weekly schedule
September 26, 2010 § Leave a comment
So here's what you can expect from The Curious Cook:
Mondays: I'll post pics and a description of some kind of delicious meal I cooked the previous week.
Tuesdays: A write up on a cookbook I want but don't have. Thank goodness for the Boston Public Library.
Wednesdays: I'll put up a pic of food that looks good to me, or link to another blog post about food that I enjoyed. (I'm busy on Wednesdays!)
Thursdays: No post.
Fridays: I'll give a summary and my analysis of an interesting bit of food news.
Sneak preview for Monday…a dish involving butternut squash from my mom's garden in Connecticut!


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The Cassian University of Magical Studies is the foremost academic institution for the study of magic in all of the multiverse. The university provides academic training at three levels: the academy level (for pupils ages four to fifteen, the age of Harmonized Ascension), the conservatory level (for pupils ages fifteen to eighteen), and the clinical level (for all older pupils). The university's primary campus is located in the Rose District of Cassia
Upon completion of their studies at the academy level, Cassian nobles are granted the legal right to practice magic outside the city limits of Cassia. Merchants and commoners who wish to practice magic must typically complete the conservatory level. The clinical level is for the advanced study and research of magic, and is typically reserved only for nobility.
In addition to its primary campus in Cassia, the university has also created over 700 satellite campuses in mist pockets throughout the multiverse. These campuses are free for any Cassian to attend and offer bursaries to promising pupils in The World Below.


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A wizard, a magician and an enforcer will be the first inductees into the Blast Hall of Fame.
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They will be honored during a ceremony at 1st Mariner Arena on Jan. 10, when the Blast faces the Dallas Sidekicks. Cooper, Stankovic and their families will be present.


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"Guys, I have to do a social norm project," he said.
Kaite and I's eyes light up immediately.
"Your group IS a social norm project," my mom muttered, and we all busted up.
"It has to be epic," he continued. "What're we going to do?"
"Well, it has to be on Thursday because I work every other day," I said.
"You WHORE," Tanner exclaimed. "That's the ONE day I can't."
"Sucks to be you," I said sticking my tongue out.
"We should do an epic break up scene in a store or something," Katie exclaimed.
"OH, that would be fun," I said. "Since Tanner can't be there, we'll have you and Ryan walk into the store holding hands all lovey-dovey and then I'll come around the corner and ask him what he's doing with another girl and then we'll have and epic screaming in each others faces session."
"YES!" Ryan agreed enthusiastically.
So on that rather crazy Thursday, The Family - minus Tanner - piled into Denton - the Car - and headed to the Meadow's in American Fork. We selected the Target as our first stage. As soon as Denton's - the Car - doors opened it was like we didn't knew each other exist - well for me, Katie and Ryan were playing up the whole couple thing so they were all over each other. I walked in separate from them pretending I was there to do some lonely grocery shopping.
I had to methodically follow them around - so that I could come into their conversation at the exactly right moment, but pretend I have no idea they were there. I heard Katie's voice from the other side of the shelf I was 'browsing:'
"So, I was looking at your phone and there were these messages on it from some girl. I think her name was Paige or something. . . she was saying she loved you and all of this stuff. What's going on with that?"
"It's nothing, Katie," replied Ryan, much too quickly - perfectly in character.
"Well, who is she?" retorted Katie. "If it really is nothing you should be able to tell me about her."
"Leave it alone, Katelyn," he said. "I'm serious."
Katie began to retort and I took that as my cue to make my entrance. I meandered around the corner as casually as possible and then gasped in surprise as I saw Ryan there.
"Ryan! Oh my gosh, what're you doing here, hon?!" I said, nice and loud. "I thought you said you had homework!"
Katie stalked forward, her smug smile across her face. Oh, this is going to be fun, I thought as she stuck her hand out for a 'friendly greeting.'
"And who are you?" she asked, in a voice like poisoned honey.
"I'm Paige," I said, letting my expression harden. "Who the heck are you?"
"Paige?!" she asked, rounding on Ryan. "The Paige from the texts?"
"Um. . ." mumbled Ryan.
"Oh well I'm Katie, Ryan's girlfriend," she practically screamed at me. Her expression just daring me to challenge her.
Mentally, I rubbed my hands together - the world was about to experience a legitimate fight between Katie and I - something that even Tanner and Ryan (until this point) had never seen.
"Last time I checked, Katie, he was mine," I said, in a very slow, ice cold tone. "Back off, blondie."
"I'm sorry," she retorted, stepping forward to get up in my grill, "but I've been dating him for six months now, I think hes mine."
"Um, since we've been dating for the past YEAR and A HALF, I'm pretty sure he is mine."
We both looked at him expectantly. Ryan's eyes shifted between us uneasily and I had to force myself to hold in a laugh. They finally settled on me.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"She's one of those girls in my fan club," he told me, alluding to the Family's inside joke.
"Oh!" I said, catching on. "One of the crazies, right?"
"Oh, and who is SHE?" Katie screamed. "One of those desperate girls that can't get a date? I remember you telling me about feeling bad for them."
I looked at him to see where he wanted this one to go. He avoided my gaze and I took that as a prod in the right direction.
"You felt bad for me?" I screamed at him. "And all this time I thought it was me helping you!"
His eyes widened in shock and I saw Katie hold back a laugh. I let my eyes scan the perimeter, trying to see the reactions we were getting, as he decided how to counter. I saw this rather large guy standing directly across from us in the isle with his cart staring at us open mouthed. While Katie continued screaming at Ryan, I glared at the poor man - his mouth snapped shut and he pushed his cart right around the corner and out of sight. I rolled my eyes as I saw his head peak back around the corner to keep watching.
"You have to choose," Katie was screaming at Ryan.
"Yeah," I joined in. "Me or her?"
"Uh. . ." said Ryan, shuffling his feet awkwardly.
Katie waited for a second and then leaned forward, brushing tears out of her eyes and SMACKed Ryan across the face before storming off. A little kid, who was white and couldn't have been more than six years old watched her leave nodding his head.
"DANG girl," he said, and I fought to control my face.
"Wait, Katie, no," Ryan mumbled.
He turned to look at me desperately.
"Good bye," I said coldly and stormed off after Katie.
"No. . . wait, Paige," he said, coming after us.
I ignored him completely and ran to catch up with Katie.
"So he's been two timing us then," I said to her.
"I guess so," she said. "What a loser."
"Yeah, well, we're better off with out him," I said, holding my hand out. "We kind of missed the proper introductions. I'm Paige."
She took my hand and the plotter's smile came out. "I'm Katie - I think we're going to be the best of friends."
We both laughed and walked out of the store - Ryan following us dejectedly. We kept up the act until we had closed Denton's - the Car - doors behind us.
"Why'd you have to smack me?!" Ryan instantly demanded.
"It just fit with the way things were going," Katie said with a shrug.
"You weren't saying much," I said in her defense.
"It was my first time," he defended. "I didn't know what to expect - you guys were tearing into each other."
Katie and I shared a special smile.
"I'll do better next time," he promised.
"Where too next?" I asked.
"Well, I've got to go into Ross, so let's find somewhere near there," Ryan instructed.
I pulled into the Ross parking lot, and we saw a decently occupied Best Buy right next door.
"Is Best Buy okay?" I asked.
Katie and Ryan nodded and we assumed our previous characters. We got into the store and I tried to discreetly stalk Katie and Ryan. Katie used the same starting line and I waited for the best time to intervene.
"Ryan! Oh my gosh! I thought you had homework tonight!" I exclaimed again.
Katie and I went through the same introduction but then this time Katie stormed off and to my character's utter disappointment Ryan followed. He chased Katie across the store, and I chased him. Little did I know, this other group of teenagers was following us around - apparently enthralled by our little drama. This particular break-up ended with Katie really whapping Ryan across the face and storming out as the greeter looked like he wanted to try to comfort Ryan. I just ignored him completely and walked out. Once we all made it out of the store, Katie was the first to speak.
"I really didn't mean to hit you that hard, Ryan, I swear!"
"That one really hurt!" he exclaimed, massaging his face.
We walked into the Ross and began to look for shirts for Ryan. After we'd been in the store for a when Katie busted up.
"Those teenagers that were following us in Best Buy are here," she said. "They came in and gave us some really confused looks."
Ryan and I both looked over our shoulders, and had to hide our laughter when we saw how true her words were. Ryan returned his focus to the rack of clothes in front of us. He pulled out a hanger and showed it to Katie and I.
"You know, I've always wanted one of these hobo jackets," he said.
"Try it on," I said.
"I think it'll look good on you," Katie said.
He forced it on and turned to look in the mirror. "I like it."
"It looks good on you," I agreed.
"Okay, well, I'm gonna get it," he said, pulling at the jacket to get it off. "Um . . . guys, it won't come off."
"Would you like me to help you take it off," Katie said, obviously not thinking about what she was saying.
I busted up, and laughed even harder when I saw the guy's faces from the next isle over. Katie just looked at me with an expression that said 'don't you dare say a word.' Ryan got out of the hobo jacket and ended up purchasing it along with another jacket.
"To Wal*Mart then?" I asked.
My friends nodded and mischievous smiles lit their faces. We dropped by Denton - the Car - so that Ryan wouldn't have to carry his purchases around Wal*Mart while having to deal with Katie and I at the same time. Once we departed from Denton's presence, it was, yet again, like we'd never met each other. I walked in by myself - intent on doing some serious grocery shopping, I guess - and Katie and Ryan were hand in hand strolling along - intent on spending some quality time together, I'm sure.
They weaved in and out of the isles so fast that I lost them. Deciding that it wouldn't be suspicious if I texted them, I pulled out my phone.
Um. . . where are you guys?
I sent the text and began wandering aimlessly. I don't even remember where they said they were, but I headed in that direction. I looked through the section - seemingly browsing for whatever was in that section - checking every isle for them. Finally, I turned the corner to see both of them, on the floor, laughing so hard that tears were creeping up on the corners of Katie's eyes. Playing my part, I shot them an extremely confused and degrading look - as, I'm sure, many other Wal*Mart shoppers were doing - and kept walking to the next isle. I strained my ears so I would know when they'd gathered themselves and continued on with their lives. As soon as they moved, I followed, an isle behind, waiting for my cue.
"So, Ryan. I was looking through your phone and I saw these messages from this girl . . I think her name was Paige. They said some really interesting things. What was that all about?"
Just as Ryan was saying, "It's nothing Katie," I came around the corner.
"Ryan?! Whoa, I thought you had homework tonight, what's going on?" I said all smiley and bouncy - until, that is, my eyes fell on his and Katie's intertwined hands.
Ryan noticed my change in attitude and quickly shook his hand out of Katie's. Katie looked seriously offended, stomped up and shoved her face into mine.
"Who are you?"
"Who am I?!" I spat in her face. "Who are you, holding hands with my guy?!"
"Your's?" she shouted back, throwing her head back as a cackle ripped from her lips. "He's mine. We've been dating for six months."
"Six months?" I asked, Ryan more than her. "What the heck is she talking about?"
"Nothing, Paige, nothing," Ryan said.
"Yes, something!" Katie cried.
"Well, I don't know how you could have been dating him for the past six months," I snapped. "We've been dating for just about a year and a half now."
"WHAT?!" Katie cried, rounding on Ryan.
I looked at Ryan expectantly. Ryan's eyes shifted in between us a couple of times before they rested on me.
"I can explain this, Paige," he said.
Katie looked like she was going to interject, but I cut her off.
"Oh, please do," I said rather coldly.
"Katie is just one of those girls," he said, his facial expression telling me that bad we had 'had this conversation before.'
"OH!" I said, faking comprehension. "One of the cheerleaders?"
Ryan nodded as Katie exploded.
"Oh, and she's that stupid girl you feel bad for?" Katie asked.
"Stupid?" I spat at her. "That's funny when all of you cheerleaders have an IQ of 50 - if you're lucky."
"Excuse me," she said. "I've maintained a four point oh for my entire junior high and high school career."
"You and I both know that that's only because you slept with the gym teacher," Ryan interjected, scathingly.
Katie and I both blinked in surprise - not daring to show any more of a reaction than that.
"How dare you!" Katie cried after a beat. "I did not!"
"I see what you mean," I said. "Definitely a cheerleader."
"Come on, Paige," he said, holding his hand out to me.
I took it, and he led me toward the front of the store - apologizing profusely for Katie's 'misbehavior.' Giving Katie every ounce of credit she deserved, she played her part extremely well. She ran after us, prying our hands apart and shoving hers in, saying, 'No, this isn't over,' again and again. Finally, Ryan threw her hand away.
"Katelyn, we're done," he said firmly - earning a super strange glance from a cashier.
He took my hand once again and we left the store together discussing the deranged girl that was following us out. We all fell into Denton - the Car - once again and Katie instantly rounded on Ryan.
"I slept with the gym teacher!?" she screamed. "I can't believe you actually said that!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Ryan said, laughing. "It just kinda popped out."
"Oh, you are so going to pay for that," Katie muttered darkly.
"Home now?" I asked, revving Denton - the Car's - engine.
"Yeah," said Ryan from the back seat since Katie was still grumbling to herself in the passenger's seat.
I chuckled as I pulled out of the parking lot.
"That was great you guys," I said, hitting the CD player so that our theme song - Old School by Headly - came on.
Katie smiled:
Moments Like These


text:
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Sunset, Sunrise
8 comments:
- Lynn said...
Hi Kim, I was sorry to see you leave TPT! You did a great job taking over for me, but I understand. I told MJ that I thought too much emphasis was placed on quantity rather than quality.
By the way, the photo is a sunset. (The Eiffel Tower is a give away being toward the west.)
Good luck on your blog and the new endeavors you're undertaking in your life!
- August 9, 2008 at 1:44 AM
- Kim said...
Thanks Lynn! Certainly one door closing leads to the next thing. I am a visitor to your blog as well and enjoy reading about events going on in your world.
- August 9, 2008 at 3:39 PM
Glad to see that I can resume reading you every morning as part of my routine. Read a great article today about how Paris is present in Vietnam. Made me think of you and your constant quest to find France around the world. Gros bisous xxx
- August 10, 2008 at 8:17 PM
- Lynda said...
Good luck, Kim. I will change the name of your link in my favorites on my blog. I love Paris, too, and think this will be a wonderful blog to write - and read!
- August 13, 2008 at 1:32 AM
- Je ne regrette rien said...
ahhh, THAT explains it!
- August 15, 2008 at 4:48 PM
- Chubbs said...
Welcome Kim, from one 'Blogspotter' to another. Have enjoyed tuning in to your writings every now and then... will continue to do so now that you're in a more permanent spot that lets you take your creative license in whatever direction you choose.
Keep writing...
Marc, always blogging over at http://topshelftalk.blogspot.com
- August 15, 2008 at 6:09 PM
- Chubbs said...
- This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
- August 15, 2008 at 6:11 PM
- Kim said...
Thanks Chubbs! Hopefully this is the path I should be on right now. One never knows
- August 16, 2008 at 10:43 AM


text:
Physical Science Technician
- Employer
- USAJobs
- Location
- Washington D.C.
- Posted
- Oct 16, 2017
- Closes
- Oct 16, 2017
- Function
- Administrative
- Industry
- Government and Public Services, Federal
- Career Level
- Experienced (Non-Manager)
- Hours
- Full Time
The Applied Engineering and Technology Directorate, Instrument Systems and Technology Division, Optics Branch (Code 551) is seeking a motivated individual to serve as an Physical Science Technician providing expert-level support for research and development programs conducted by physical scientists or other scientific/technical personnel.
As identical vacancies are identified, additional selections may be made.
You must meet all qualifications requirements by the closing date of this announcement.You must have one year of specialized experience equivalent to the next lower grade, which has equipped you with the particular competencies needed to successfully perform the duties of the position described above.
Specialized experience at the GS-10 level is defined as experience assisting with conducting operations of aerospace technical facilities to include optical testing, fabrication, and measurement techniques; and improving components or methodology for space instrumentation.
Specialized experience at the GS-11 level is defined as experience conducting operations of aerospace technical facilities to include optical testing, fabrication, and measurement techniques; and improving components or methodology for space instrumentation.
Specialized experience at the GS-12 level is defined as experience managing and conducting operations of aerospace technical facilities to include optical testing, fabrication, and measurement techniques; and improving components or methodology for space instrumentation.
Please list your General Schedule (GS) equivalency on your resume for every federal position you have held.
Identification of promotion potential in this position does not constitute a commitment or an obligation on the part of management to promote the employee. Promotion will depend upon administrative approval and the continuing need for an actual assignment and performance of higher level duties.
Any applicant tentatively selected for this position may be required to undergo a pre-employment background investigation. Individuals who have special priority selection rights under the Agency Career Transition Assistance Program (CTAP) or the Interagency Career Transition Assistance Program (ICTAP) must be well qualified for the position to receive consideration for special priority selection. See 'How You Will Be Evaluated' for definition of well qualified. Federal employees seeking CTAP/ICTAP consideration must indicate their eligibility when applying for a position. The USAJOBS resume asks you to identify your ICTAP eligibility; the NASA Supplemental Information asks you to identify your CTAP eligibility. If you are selected for the position, you must be prepared to submit proof that you meet the requirements for CTAP/ICTAP. This includes a copy of the agency notice, a copy of their most recent Performance Rating and a copy of their most recent SF-50 noting current position, grade level, and duty location.
As a condition of employment, male applicants born after December 31, 1959, must certify that they have registered with the Selective Service System, or are exempt from having to do so under the Selective Service Law. In order to receive preference in hiring, you must clearly identify your claim for veterans preference on your resume.
NASA's Applicant Guide provides the information needed to assist you in determining whether or not you can claim 5 or 10 point veterans preference. You should not submit documents to prove your eligibility for veterans preference at this time. However, you must be prepared to submit proof of veterans preference (DD-214, and, if claiming 10-point preference, SF-15 plus proof required by that form) as requested by the Human Resources Office. Veterans preference will only be considered based on what is supported For instance, if you claim 10-point preference, but are only able to document 5-point preference, you will be considered accordingly. If you fail to provide the required documents within the stated time period, we may withdraw a job offer and/or remove you from further consideration.
Your USAJOBS account asks you to assign a name to each of your resumes. When you apply to a NASA position, we will show you the text of the resume you have submitted, but we do not maintain the name you have assigned to that resume. If you wish to keep track of that information, we recommend you make note of it at the time you apply.
Fair Employment Opportunities for Applicants
NASA Credit for National Service
The payment of relocation expenses is not authorized.
You will be evaluated for this job based on how well you meet the qualifications above.
NASA uses an automated system (Resumix) that matches the competencies extracted from your resume to the competencies identified by the selecting official for the position. Based on the competencies you match, you are placed in one of three categories identified as 90, 80, or 70 pt. quality categories, which are defined as:
90 pt. Category - Tentatively meets (until subsequent confirmation upon referral) the basic qualification requirements identified in the vacancy announcement and has experience in the same or similar job that has demonstrated superior proficiency in the primary requirements of the position.
80 pt. Category - Tentatively meets (until subsequent confirmation upon referral) the basic qualification requirements identified in the vacancy announcement and demonstrates satisfactory proficiency in the primary requirements of the position.
70 pt. Category - Fails to meet criteria described in the 80 pt. category.
Additional application guidance is available in NASA's Applicant Guide.
Information for Veterans: The Category Rating Process protects the rights of veterans by placing them ahead of non-preference eligibles within each category. Preference eligibles who meet qualification requirements and have a compensable service-connected disability of at least 10 percent must be listed at the top of the highest quality category, except when the position being filled is scientific or professional at the GS-09 grade level or higher.
For the purpose of the Career Transition Assistance Program (CTAP) and the Interagency Career Transition Assistance Program (ICTAP), candidates rated in the top quality category are considered well-qualified
Similar jobs


text:
Description from owner
Description from owner
2 Full baths
More Property Details
Book this 2 bedroom yacht in Boston today! A total of 6 people can sleep here comfortably.
Travelers are sharing their opinions on this property. It has an overall rating of 5/5 thanks to an average of 49 reviews.
Costs vary, with the average weekly rate as low as $1840 to as high as $3520, depending on travel dates.
The owner responds to 90% of inquiries and last updated the property's calendar Jul 21, 2018.
Read more Read less
About the owner
About the owner
Gretchen A.
Gretchen A.
- Response rate:
- 90%
- Calendar last updated:
- 21 Jul 2018
- Overall rating:
Languages spoken: English
- Check in time:14:00, Check out time:11:00
- If you have any questions about check-in or check-out times, please contact the owner/manager.
- Payment
- To get covered by Payment Protection this rental needs to be paid for online through FlipKey using your credit/debit card or PayPal. Never pay for your vacation rental by wire transfer (such as Western Union or Moneygram) as this type of payment is untraceable.
- Smoking
- No smoking at this property
- Cancellation policy
View Policy
Proximity to TripAdvisor's Top Boston Attractions
- Air conditioning
- Linen provided
Phone / Internet
- Internet access
- Wireless Internet
Property Features
- Parking
- Waterfront
- Fridge
- Microwave
- Stove
- CD player
- DVD player
- Deck
- Children
- Pets
- Smoking allowed
- 2 Full baths
Reviews (49)
– based on 49 reviews
49 reviews
- Excellent
- 40
- Very Good
- 6
- Average
- 3
- Poor
- 0
- Terrible
- 0
"The best way to enjoy Boston"
Staying at the Golden Slipper Bed & Breakfast afloat was like having two vacations at the same time for the price of one. Not only you get to enjoy all what historic Boston has to offer --- the actual places where the nation's great patriots started their struggle to create a free country; amazing museums, excellent restaurants and a wide variety of all kinds of entertainment. You also get the chance to spend your holiday time in the most cozy and private fashion you can imagine: inside a beautiful spacious boat with all the amenities you can imagine. Nothing is missing at the Golden Slipper: two bathrooms, two very comfortable beds plus a sofa bed, a kitchen complete with all you need to fix a nice meal, plenty of storage to put you stuff away and more. The boat is anchored at a privileged location: Lewis Wharf in Boston's North End, where you're only minutes away from important historical landmarks, grocery stores, shops, the subway, parks and much more. And you can't have a better hostess than Gretchen, the innkeeper. As soon as you arrive, in no time she'll take you around to show you where's everything and then you're good to go to enjoy Boston. Staying at the Golden Slipper Bed & Breakfast afloat is a wonderful place to stay and enjoy this unique city.
We stayed on the Golden Slipper 9/16-9/20 and had the best time!! We arrived several hours earlier than Gretchen had known but she was so gracious and told us to come on out. She gave us a complete tour and explained everything to us. It is the cutest boat!! Gretchen is such a wonderful host, she has all the comforts from home ready for you. She even stocks breakfast items for you. The North End is right near everything you want to go to. Sit on the deck in the evening and watch the sun go down and then just chill and relax. For the best pizza ever go to Regina's Pizza in the North End. You wont need a rental car at all. There is a subway stop 2 blocks away and it will take you to/from the airport. The Golden Slipper is in the ideal location. It is behind a locked metal gate so you know that not just anyone can get to the dock. Clean, safe area of Boston with a lot of things to see and do. Local food and people. We had such a great time in Boston but we couldn't wait to get back to the boat to relax on deck. Go to a Red Sox game, take a trolley tour around the city, go to Sam adams brewery for a tour and take a whale watching tour. We can't wait to come back to Boston and we will be staying on the Golden Slipper for sure! Thank you, Gretchen, for making our first stay in Boston a memorable one!
"Room with a view"
This was our second stay on the Golden Slipper. We love having the boat to ourselves and having the freedom to come and go as we please. The boat is located in a safe and secure marina and is in a quiet part of the waterfront. Also, by being located in the marina you don't get a lot of motion which makes sleeping quite nice. The location couldn't be more perfect. We walked everywhere we needed to go or took the "T". While on the boat this time a rain shower came through one afternoon and provided us the most spectacular view of a gorgeous rainbow over the harbor from the back of the boat. That's not something you get in a hotel room. We also liked how welcome we felt again this trip, Gretchen and Jack are so friendly and accomodating. Jack pointed out a great little cafe called anthony's right across the street and Gretchen once again told us where the Golden Goose deli was located. These are two places you must visit while enjoying the Golden Slipper. And for the coffee lovers...there's a Starbucks around the corner! This boat is a must when staying in Boston. Hope you enjoy your stay as much as we did ours.
"Awesome Family Surprise on the Golden Slipper!"
I totally surprised my whole family (with Gretchen's help)with 2 nights on the Golden Slipper. As we walked up to the boat they still had no clue. They loved it! It was a wonderful 2 nights and perfect location...at the North End. The first night we got take out from the Golden Goose across the street and had dinner on the aft deck. Plenty of space for 5. The american Grill right on the wharf had the best Blue Point raw oysters! My only regret, we didn't stay longer!!! Thanks Gretchen for your hospitality and a memorable stay!
"Can' wait to book again."
Gretchen's hospitality and service is top notch. She is professional and you immediately feel at ease and relaxed as soon as you step aboard the boat. We've been going to Boston for many years and if we ever book a hotel again it'll be because The Golden Slipper was booked. Location can't be beat and the city skyline from the boat at night is fabulous. Loved our stay and we can't wait until springtime to book a weekend away!
"Birthday Weekend"
This was a great alternative to staying in a hotel. The location was perfect and very cosy. My daughter and I had a great time on the boat and slept like a baby being rocked to sleep.
"great place to stay in Boston"
What a great family reunion, my sister's & I had aboard the Golden Slipper. We planned to be on a boat to renew memories of childhood boating in Boston Harbor. The boat was very cozy, clean and comfortable, with attention to details to serve everyone's needs. The main salon and aft deck offered plenty of space for us, and the beds were so comfortable everyone was rocked to a peaceful night of sleep. The location is fantastic and very safe and quiet,close to all major attractions, grocery store, laundry and T Station It was fun to stay on the Golden Slipper , for not only is Boston a great experience, but your lodging is a great adventure!. We already booked again for next season.
"Unique! Would definately do it again!!!"
Four of us were lucky enought to stay aboard the Golden Slipper June 10-11, 2012. After staying here why would anyone ever stay in a hotel in Boston again??? It was a great way to take in the views of the harbor. Walking distance to everything. You can actually walk to a nearby grocery store/market for anything you might need. We got up each morning and enjoyed our coffee comfortably on the deck which is furnished with padded wicker chairs. The evenings were nice too...a great way to enjoy a cocktail. Checking in was easy. We set up a time with Gretchen and she gave us the tour. We had a rental car to return to Hertz. After dropping car off two of us took a water taxi directly back to the boat $10.00 per person...well worth the price! Check out process was easy too. Again called for a water taxi that picked us up at the Golden Slipper. Water taxi took us to airport dock, then a free bus for an extremely short drive directly to airport. Bedrooms were comfortable...each has it's own bathroom/shower. The boat was clean, towels are provided...just like a hotel but way better!!! Can not beat the location!
"Perfect for us..."
I rented the Golden Slipper for my husband's birthday and we are thrilled to know about it. One couldn't ask for a better location, and it was delightful to be right in the water. It was remarkably quiet and very comfortable. Although it was cold and rainy for part of the time, we were cozy in the heated cabin. We will definitely be back, as a matter of fact we already booked for next year!
"A Long Time Guest of the Golden Slipper"
I've been staying on the Golden Slipper every year for the last 15 years and never get tired of it, or run out of things to do. Although I loved the rustic feeling of the original Golden Slipper, the new boat has more room and accommodations are even better with 2 Staterooms and 2 full baths. Everything is within walking distance, including a great grocery and liquor store! The boat is well equipped with everything you can possibly think of and all you need is some comfy clothing, toiletries, and a good pair of walking shoes. I'm going back in October for my 2nd trip this year.
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text:
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
More interesting food links and ideas
This time I was looking for a healthy halva recipe. We like halva and sesame is supposed to be really good for you. What I don't like is all this sugar and corn syrup that is in there in the commercial version. And as much as I like our dentist, who is a wonderful man and can make any horrifying procedure sound acceptable to even a three years old, all the cavities and root canals do not make my heart sing with joy. So I found a few contenders here and here. I'd like to experiment with the first one and maybe replace the sugar with xylitol and see what happens. At the second here, there are also wonderful recipes for ice cream like concoctions from bananas, avacado and blueberries, purple cabbage sour kraut, making apple cider vinegar from apple scraps and cores and more. Coincidence? I think not. Something tells me, that my getting this family (especially all the kids with teeth problems) to eat healthier, just might come to some fruition. And while we are on the subject of halva and other Middle Eastern food here is an interesting article on the health benefits of rose water. And a great cough remedy from my husband's grandmother is to boil a few dried figs in a few cups of milk and then drink the resulting beverage, delicious and healthy. Another one for coughs that my kids like, also using the fruits Israel is known for, is to mix 1 teaspoon of honey into 1 cup of grape juice and drink up. So this has been your health food update from the Land flowing with milk and honey( figs are also on the list of fruits that the Land of Israel is known for and the rose water and halva are both very popular here).
Labels: Food and Drink, Frugal living, Health, Home Remedies, Israel, Nutrition
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text:
I am so excited to have this blog so that I can archive my life a little better. I am terrible at taking pictures, journals were always abandoned after a few months and while the same thing might happen to the blog, I'm feeling excited and determined to make a commitment to it.
So...that leads to my resolutions. I haven't made resolutions in a couple years because I haven't cared enough or genuinely thought I would follow through to actually make them. But this year is already different. I want to make some life changes that I have needed to make for a while and I'm hoping that this blog will help me stay on track.
1. Maintain weight and commit to moderation in eating and drinking. I'm at a healthy weight and I do exercise consistently but I also totally over eat. The last five pounds I have fought with for years needs to come off and stay off.
2. Write often in this blog and take more photos. Aaron and I do so many fun things that I want to remember later in life. TAKE THE DAMN PICTURE!
3. Be more dedicated to my job. I have a sweet job and I need to not take it for granted.
4. Be more positive and less critical of myself, husband, friends and colleagues. Enough is enough...
5. Worry less. Honestly, I don't even know how to begin tackling this one.
6. Commit to doing one phantom good deed a month. This blog is one way I want to keep track and hold myself accountable.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Welcome 2008
Labels: daily life
1 comment:
- Fine For Now said...
Just found your blog from Sundry's comments. Too bad you don't post more, sounds like we have a lot in common! Congratulations on the baby :)
- March 6, 2008 at 9:32 AM
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There was an error connecting to the Amazon web service, or no results were found for your query.
Jamie asked Is waterproof mascara bad for your eyelashes?
I wear waterproof mascara everyday for school because it doesn't smudge at all. But someone told me that it makes your eyelashes fall out, and I have been noticing that a few (and yes I mean a few not a bunch) of my eyelashes have fallen out occasionally. Should I switch back to regular mascara?
And got the following answer:
Maybe switch back to regular mascara, or if you are afraid of it smudging, then try a clear mascara 🙂 I'm not aware that they are bed for your lashes but if a few are falling out then that can't be good.... x
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[Rod McKuen. ANNOTATED Judge's Copy.] 1983 Miss America Pageant Binder. Atlantic City, N. J.: Sept., 1982....Click the image to load the highest resolution version.
Description[Rod McKuen. ANNOTATED Judge's Copy.] 1983 Miss America Pageant Binder. Atlantic City, N. J.: Sept., 1982.
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[Rod McKuen. ANNOTATED Judge's Copy.] 1983 Miss America Pageant Binder. Atlantic City, New Jersey: September, 1982.Dark blue three-ring binder with the Miss America Pageant logo and Rod McKuen's name on the front cover. From the Estate of Rod McKuen.
The binder is organized with the top ten contestants' photos and fact sheets first, followed by three sections of contestants divided by tabs marked "MU", "ALPHA", and "SIGMA" - [Mu-Alpha-Sigma, being the Miss America "sorority", founded in 1940]. The divisions were made on the basis of each participant's competition schedule.
Holograph ink notes in McKuen's hand on the upper right corner of each contestant's fact sheet [with the odd exception of the eventual winner, Debra Sue Maffett "Miss California", which remains unmarked]. The comments range from the very supportive: "A very beautiful young lady, intelligent and up front, I like her!" to the painfully honest: "Has no grasp on current affairs - not ready for prime time." A fascinating look into one judge's thought processes.
Included are three "Judge's Work Sheet" pages with McKuen's handwritten notes for each contestant, regarding their performance in the Private Interview, Evening Gown, Talent, and Swimsuit competitions; a two-paged "Judges' Schedule" for "September 6 - September 11, 1982"; four typed pages of instructions to the judges; duplicate printed programs from the "Miss America Pageant Awards Ball" at Convention Hall in Atlantic City, New Jersey; nine pages with sparse notes and ranking numbers; and seven unmarked pages of contestant lists and events.
The binder is lightly scuffed and has minor soiling. The contents of the binder are clean, light edge wear, small corner bends or creases; the programs for the ball are lightly soiled (one has a pen test mark on its front cover), otherwise a unique item in very good condition.
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