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55 Office Jokes
Joke: Office Antics -- One Point Gags!
Joke: Office Antics -- One Point Gags!
Office work dull?...None of your colleagues appreciate your humour? Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative execution.
Run one lap around the office at top speed
Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just
called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way"
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the
doors open.
- The Joker
Joke: Office Antics -- Five Point Gags!
Joke: Office Antics -- Five Point Gags!
Office work dull?... None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?... Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative execution.
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and utter, "Shut up, dang it, all of you just shut up!"
Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear
that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
AND FINALLY... Rollerblade around the floor throwing sweets.
Joke: Release the Coffeepot!
Joke: Release the Coffeepot!
At the data-entry company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup. I didn't realize how long I'd been until someone slid a note under the door. "You win," it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot."
Joke: At the Job Interview!
Joke: At the Job Interview!
One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
"I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just let me take some and I'll be better in a second." So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.
The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!"
The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking"
Joke: Smart!
Joke: Smart!
A feisty 70-year-old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor.
"Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It only took you five minutes."
The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call.
"Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves.
Joke: The Best Boss in the World!!!
Joke: The Best Boss in the World!!!
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
Joke: Buying your ticket
Joke: Buying your ticket
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."
Joke: Five Great Excuses for Falling Asleep at your Desk #1!
Joke: Five Great Excuses for Falling Asleep at your Desk #1!
1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
3. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
4. "Amen"
5. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper again
Joke: Late for work!
Joke: Late for work!
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, 'You should've been here at 8.30!' He replies. 'Why? What happened at 8.30?'
Joke: Temp Talk
Joke: Temp Talk
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
'Oh, I really don't care or mind,' Said the waiter with a smile. 'We don't even have an air conditioner.'
Joke: I am plankton! Rules of work #1...
Joke: I am plankton! Rules of work #1...
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
Joke: Three Envelopes!!!
Joke: Three Envelopes!!!
A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open one of these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."
Joke: Who is the stupid one?
Joke: Who is the stupid one?
My boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Joke: Five Great Excuses for Falling Asleep at your Desk #2!
Joke: Five Great Excuses for Falling Asleep at your Desk #2!
1. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
2. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
3. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
4. "Boy, that sars medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
5. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our sleeping employees problem!"
Joke: Prison vs. Work #1
Joke: Prison vs. Work #1
Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a bit more clear...
IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6 x 8 cubicle.
IN PRISON... you get three meals a day.
AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK... you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
Joke: Prison vs. Work #3
Joke: Prison vs. Work #3
Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a bit more clear...
IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK... they are called managers.
IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON... you spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON... you get your own toilet.
AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
Joke: Administratrium, The New Element
Joke: Administratrium, The New Element
AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons,
Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.
Joke: Quotes from Employee Appraisal Reports #2!
Joke: Quotes from Employee Appraisal Reports #2!
1. He would be out of his depth in a puddle.
2. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
3. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
4. This associate should go far - and the sooner he starts the better.
5. This associate is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Joke: An expert!
Joke: An expert!
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Joke: The Young Businessman!
Joke: The Young Businessman!
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
Joke: I am plankton! Rules of work #2...
Joke: I am plankton! Rules of work #2...
1. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
2. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.
3. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
4. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
Joke: Why is it?
Joke: Why is it?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? --George Carlin
Joke: First time for everything!
Joke: First time for everything!
The workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today.
They are demanding to make less money!
Joke: Best excuses to miss a day of work #2!
Joke: Best excuses to miss a day of work #2!
***Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Hoyas, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
***I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
***The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
***My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
***I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
Joke: One Day while Scaffolding...
Joke: One Day while Scaffolding...
Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them is going to have to tell Steve's wife.
Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer.
"So did you tell her?" asks Jeff.
"Yep", replied Bob.
"Say, where did you get the six-pack?"
Bob informs Jeff. "She gave it to me!"
"What??" exclaims Jeff, "you just told her her husband died and she gave you a six-pack??"
"Sure," Bob says.
"Why?" asks Jeff.
"Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you Steve's widow?' 'Widow?', she said, 'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a widow!'
So I said: "I'll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'"
Joke: Tips for Success in Business: Messy desk!
Joke: Tips for Success in Business: Messy desk!
Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
Joke: Good Idea!
Joke: Good Idea!
When an employment applications asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I write: "A very good doctor."
Our policy is to always blame the computer.
A computer DOES save time at work. I can play solitaire without having to spend all that time shuffling real cards.
Joke: So Who's Minding The Fort?
Joke: So Who's Minding The Fort?
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason I'm tired because I'm overworked.
* The population of this country is 237 million.
* 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
* There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
* Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
* 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
* Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
* At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
* Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
* That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
Joke: Tips for Success in Business: Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands!
Joke: Tips for Success in Business: Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands!
Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
Joke: Anti-harassment seminar!
Joke: Anti-harassment seminar!
During an anti-harassment seminar at work, I asked, "What's the difference between harassment and good-natured teasing?" A co-worker shouted, "A million dollars."
Joke: Repairing the phone
Joke: Repairing the phone
A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.
Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.
After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush.
The phone was now working fine--except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call.
A repairman arrived within the hour!
Joke: Tips for Success in Business: Use computers to look busy!
Joke: Tips for Success in Business: Use computers to look busy!
Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.
Joke: Rejecting you!
Joke: Rejecting you!
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:
To Whom It May Concern:
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment at this time. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [Name of the Company]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately. I look forward to working with you. Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
[Your Name]
Joke: Quotes from Employee Appraisal Reports #1!
Joke: Quotes from Employee Appraisal Reports #1!
1. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
3. I would not allow this associate to breed.
4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
Joke: Five Tricks to Liven up a Meeting!
Joke: Five Tricks to Liven up a Meeting!
1 Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.
2 Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
3 During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), keep building up little giggles until you are crying with tears of laughter - Then lookup at the people and say you were just thinking of a funny joke you heard.
4 Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
5 Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
Joke: I am plankton! Rules of work #3...
Joke: I am plankton! Rules of work #3...
1. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
2. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
3. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
Joke: Lost in a balloon
Joke: Lost in a balloon
Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country road, they see a man walking below.
One of the balloonists calls down to him:
"We're lost! Can you tell us where we are?"
The man thinks for a while, looks down, looks up, looks down again, stares into space for a minute, and then cries out:
"You're in a balloon!"
The wind picks up, and the balloon floats off. After a moment, one balloonist says to the other:
"That man must be a manager."
"Three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer. Second, he was perfectly correct. Third, his answer was perfectly useless!"
Joke: Hiring an accountant
Joke: Hiring an accountant
Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"
"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.
The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
Joke: Main Vice President?
Joke: Main Vice President?
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!".
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.
A clerk answers and Tom says "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"
The clerk replies "Canned or frozen?"
Joke: Corporate Memo!
Joke: Corporate Memo!
To: All Staff
Date: December 1
Subject: New "Twelve Days of Christmas" Policy
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance in the season's gift distribution business. Home Shopping TV channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He and the Board could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in the reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press (gas and solid waste).
We're pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole!
Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose get red, not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph 'a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load' was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of the year when they are known to be under 'executive stress'.
As for further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' music subsidiary:
1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;
6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;
7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;
8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;
11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line;
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ('thirteen lawyers-a-suing'), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.
Happy Holidays all!!
Joke: Office Antics -- Three Point Gags!
Joke: Office Antics -- Three Point Gags!
Office work dull?... None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?...
Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative execution.
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it"
Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice)
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem
(extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing
irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.
After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
Joke: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Joke: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem.
Joke: Yep.
Joke: Yep.
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
Joke: That's one Hard Worker!
Joke: That's one Hard Worker!
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer,
can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works
independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to
colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow
employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time.
Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work,
sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual
who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high
accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the
type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly
recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management,
and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
Joke: Strange custom in our office!
Joke: Strange custom in our office!
We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Michael".
Joke: Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?
Joke: Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
Joke: Quiz: Are you qualified to be a manager?
Joke: Quiz: Are you qualified to be a manager?
The following quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a manager. The questions are not that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting! This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four year old.
Joke: You're not completely useless!
Joke: You're not completely useless!
You're not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
Joke: Job interview!
Joke: Job interview!
I went for a job interview today. The interviewer said, "If you get the job, forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here."
I said, "I didn't go to college."
She said, "Well then, you're under-qualified to work here."
Joke: Tips for Success in Business: Voice mail!
Joke: Tips for Success in Business: Voice mail!
Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing-- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's the way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.
Joke: Five More Tricks to Liven up a Meeting!
Joke: Five More Tricks to Liven up a Meeting!
1 Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
2 Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
3 When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)
4 Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
5 Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
Joke: Best excuses to miss a day of work #1!
Joke: Best excuses to miss a day of work #1!
***If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
***I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
***I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
***I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
***I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.
***I prefer to remain an enigma.
Joke: A Story About Everybody!
Joke: A Story About Everybody!
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Joke: Prison vs. Work #2
Joke: Prison vs. Work #2
Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a bit more clear...
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK... you can't even speak to your family.
IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
Joke: A Little Monkey Business!
Joke: A Little Monkey Business!
A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing around the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please". The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying "That'll be $5,000". The customer pays and walks out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, "That was a very expensive monkey-most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"
"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money." The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage. He says to the shop keeper, "That one's even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff." The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says $50,000. He gasps to the shop keeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
"Well," says the shopkeeper, "I don't know if it actually does anything, but says it's a Consultant."
2018 - 4 Jokes A Day
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text:
The cameras-to-medical equipment maker nominated company insider Hiroyuki Sasa to be its new president and Yasuyuki Kimoto as its chairman. Mr Kimoto was previously an executive at Sumitomo Mitsui Banking Corp, Olympus's main lender.
Hideaki Fujizuka, a former executive of Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi UFJ, another Olympus creditor, was also nominated as a board member.
The nominations drew immediate opprobrium from foreign investors who had called for outsiders to be appointed, allowing the company to draw a line under a $1.7bn (£1.1bn) accounting scandal.
Yo Takatsuki, a senior analyst with F&C, said the nominations fell "disappointingly short of what F&C and foreign shareholders had been demanding".
Josh Shores, senior analyst and principal at Southeastern Asset Management, an investor in Olympus, told Reuters: "We are extremely disappointed with the composition of the proposed board. While suggestions that the board be entirely new individuals, with a split chairman and CEO role, have been taken into account, the clear creditor orientation of the board is unacceptable."
The nominations will be put to a shareholder vote on April 20.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
According to Real Simple Magazine, fleece sweatshirts require extra care in the laundry to keep them soft and to avoid pills and static. Properly washing sweatshirts requires a washing machine and a gentle laundry detergent.Continue Reading
Washing the garment inside out protects the finish or nap of the outside of the garment during the washing process. Zip any zippers to keep them from snagging on other items in the wash.
Place the sweatshirt in the washing machine with items in a similar color family to prevent color transfer. Also, avoid adding towels or other high-lint items. Fleece attracts lint.
Mild laundry detergent is gentle on fleece and prevents pills from forming. Use the manufacturer's recommended amount of detergent, and wash at the temperature recommended on the garment's care tag. Avoid using fabric softener to preserve any water-resistant properties in the sweatshirt fabric.
Run an extra rinse cycle after the first one is complete. An extra rinse removes every trace of detergent for softer fleece.
Reshape the sweatshirt on a sweater drying rack, and allow it to air dry. Air drying is gentler than machine drying, and it helps the fleece remain soft.


text: Rumination may refer to: Rumination (cognitive process) Rumination (eating) - eating disorder This is a disambiguation page: a list of articles associated with the same title. If an internal link referred you to this page, you may wish to change the link to point directly to the intended article. Retrieved from "http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Rumination?oldid=111742" Categories: Disambiguation Add category Cancel Save


text:
May 14, 2010
Plugged-in patient more empowered
A survey of patients by HealthCentral found that 30% exhibited characteristics of "empowered patients—problem solvers wanting to understand not only their condition but their treatment options and how they work. Education, income and source of health insurance were not predictive of whether or not a patient was 'empowered.'"Rather, those patients were simply more active online and more inclined to share their medical stories and seek out those of others. HealthCentral polled registered users of its sites for the survey. Half of respondents were "more traditional mainstream patients with some characteristics of empowered patients."


text:
Law and order is a social construct: a regime of laws and law enforcement that ensures a safe, secure, and predictable world, in which people can live in freedom from fear.
But a society under the rule of law is in perpetual conflict with the tendency of things toward greater entropy, and can be maintained only by continual struggle with disruptive forces.
Just how arbitrary and tenuous any regime of law and order really is, is readily evident to anyone who looks about them.
I, for example, live on stolen land. The land was appropriated by British settlers in the 1860's from Indians who had occupied it for thousands of years. The Indians were deliberately infected with small pox, most being denied vaccination when the epidemic exploded, while those from out of town were driven back to their villages to spread the infection.
The natural state of lawlessness and chaos, is everyday evident in the encroachments of creatures without the law upon the human world.
Here, no more than half a mile from the plaque illustrated at the right, a fat rat wanders up the foot path, slips through a hole under the fence and rummage in my compost box. I block the hole under the fence, the rat sneaks through a knot hole. I nail a plank over the knot hole, the rat circumvents the fence, entering under the front gate. I block that route with chicken wire, and wait for developments.
|HMS Grappler at Comox, BC. In 1862, the
escorted smallpox-infected natives who were expelled
from Victoria. The resultant spread of the disease among
the Indian population largely depopulated the BC coast,
making way for immigrant settlement. Source.
Meantime a family of raccoons have taken to digging holes in my lawn and perennial border. Possibly they are eating leather jackets or doing something else that's useful. But they don't recognize my legal title, and they won't scram when I tell them. What's more they make a mess of the lawn, poop under the big cedar in the front yard, destroy my entire corn crop the day before it is perfectly ripe, and they will raid the plum tree and take every fruit in a single night if they get the chance.
I put up radar-controlled lights and water sprinklers, but the raccoons set these off repeatedly for no apparent reason other than their own amusement, the lights, the noise of the sprinkler, and raccoonish snorts and grunts waking me at two in the morning.
I go out armed with a high-powered flash light and a boot under my arm. I throw the boot which lands within an inch of one of the beasts, but he stands his ground, his eyes blazing in the glare of the flashlight. I approach more closely and he growls with such menace that I hesitate. He retreats. I retrieve my boot. I go back inside. I raid the fridge, and make a sandwich. I go back to bed, my confidence in the possibility of universal law and order undermined.
And now this: the Rio Olympics Games could spread Zika virus 'around world' expert warns while in Turkey, the United States, the World Hegemon and guarantor of law and order writ upon the global stage, lost access, Saturday, to Turkey's Incirklik air base where it keeps 50 nuclear weapons. Happily, access has now been restored, so hopefully they have their bombs back.
True a viral infection or a loose nuke is not, technically, the same thing as a breach of law and order. But either can create the same uncertainty, danger or total disaster that may result from a breach of the law. Which means that however much law and order a politician may offer, life's always going to be a chancy proposition. Still, honest judges and responsible cops are something every politician should work for.


text:
An Extremely Mild Defense of Clinton's CBS Phone Call
In today's Wall Street Journal, Joe Flint and John Harwood report yet another Clinton scandal: Before he left office, Clinton intervened in a contract dispute that producers Harry Thomason and Linda Bloodworth-Thomason had with CBS chief executive Leslie Moonves. Moonves is a Clinton friend, but the Thomasons are, of course, much closer Clinton friends. Thomason's beef was that CBS had failed to fork over a "penalty fee" of more than $1 million for not airing a Thomason-developed comedy series starring Janine Turner called The Good Life during the 1996-97 television season. A penalty fee is a little bit like a golden parachute. A television producer with one or more big hits under his belt is often in a position to write into his contract that the network must pay him a huge penalty fee if it fails to air his show. The idea is that the network will not want to write a fat check and will instead put the show on the air. The problem is that the networks frequently welsh on the deal. Or, as the Journal piece delicately puts it: "Networks often seek to defer paying penalty fees."
Clinton phoned Moonves to discuss the unpaid penalty fee. Shortly thereafter, CBS forked over most of the fee to Thomason. "It really is an inappropriate use of presidential power to get involved in a personal financial dispute," former Clinton chief of staff Leon Panetta told the Journal. "I think that crosses the line." Chatterbox agrees. Unlike, say, John Kennedy's famous jawboning with the steel industry to keep prices down, this intervention doesn't touch on anything even vaguely resembling the public interest. And there's a creepy, Godfather-like feel to it. If CBS had refused to pay off Thomason, would Moonves have woken up the next day with a horse's head in his bed?
That said, Chatterbox must also point out that it's hard to weep for CBS. He doesn't know the particulars of this deal, but in general, the networks have an abysmal record when it comes to honoring contracts. How abysmal? Chatterbox logged onto the Dow Jones News Retrieval database, which contains just about every significant business story published in the United States, and searched for the phrase "breach of contract" coupled with words that describe various large industries known for generating litigation. Here are the results, in declining order:
"breach of contract" and "television": 1,066 stories
"breach of contract" and "Internet": 1,063 stories
"breach of contract" and "real estate": 656 stories
"breach of contract" and "software": 653 stories
"breach of contract" and "health care": 540 stories
"breach of contract" and "airline": 208 stories
"breach of contract" and "steel": 192 stories
According to the Chatterbox Contract Dispute Index™, contracts in the television industry would seem to be far more subject to, ah, revision than contracts in other industrial sectors. This is especially true when you consider that the number of people who work in the TV industry, most of them confined to Southern California, is far smaller than the number of people who work in these other businesses. The only industry that really gives television a run for its money, breach of contract-wise, is the Internet. Despite the public's loathing for the airline industry, it has produced fewer than one-fifth as many breach of contract stories as television. Real estate, the industry sector that Chatterbox would have thought generated the most lawsuits, produces just a little more than half as many breach of contract stories as television. And surely the small number of breach of contract stories produced by the steel industry is yet another index of the decline of Big Steel.


text:
HistoryWe all know that Seattle has some major ups and downs (elevation-wise, of course), but no area was as steep as the region just north of downtown. After years of debating, city developers decided to do the most logical thing: remove the hill itself. The project, known as the Denny Regrade, took the better part of a decade around 1910 and trimmed back tons of earth, leaving the slope more manageable. Despite the new topography, growth didn't happen as rapidly as hoped. Several businesses set up shop there, but instead of the grand hotels and skyscrapers there were car dealerships and warehouses. It wasn't until the 1970s that Belltown got a facelift; the area was rezoned for high-rise residences with ample business spaces on street level. Young, trendy folks moved in and made their homes, bringing with them a unique culture that survives today.
Neighborhood Photos
Who Lives Here?
- Corporate Climbers - High-income, high-expense urban singles.
- Urban singles with an up-and-coming income, but with higher-than-average living costs. Most have college educations and are employed in mid-management professions.
- Comfy Couples - Upper-class couples.
- Urban couples making a mid- to upper-scale household income. Most own their own homes. Some have a college education and work in a variety of occupations, including management-level positions.
- Bright Lights, Big City - Very mobile singles living in the city.
- Singles ranging in age from early 20s to mid-40s who have moved to an urban setting. Most rent their apartment or condo. Some have a college education and work in services and the professional sector.
|Median Household Income
|Median Age
|Single Males
|Single Females
|Homes With Kids
|Household Size
|Commute Time
|24 min
|27 min
VibeBelltown has the second highest Walk Score in the city at 97 out of 100. What this means is: sell your car. You won't be needing it. Everything you could conceivably ask for is available within the borders of this small neighborhood. And while the mere mention of the place strikes up my inner techno music (uhnn-tss, uhnn-tss), there is far more to Belltown than its nightclub scene. Even during the day, it's the place to go if you want the newest, the shiniest, the trendiest.
Activities and AttractionsOh, where to start? The main 'strip' of Belltown is 1st Avenue, running parallel to the waterfront and on into downtown. Along this street, you'll find a gaggle of places to stop: art galleries, clothing stores, home furnishing shops, jewelers, salons, and of course places to eat and drink. Some of the classic venues are The 5 Point Café, The Crocodile (closed for a while, but back by demand of live-music-lovers), and the very vintage Cinerama movie theater. Newer, highly popular additions include Dahlia Lounge, List (an Italian lounge), and Bathtub Gin & Co., a delightful speakeasy tucked in an alley. For a little fresh air, scope out the Olympic Sculpture Park to enjoy the many art installations by local artists, not to mention the view of Puget Sound and the Olympic mountains beyond.
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Meet our local neighborhood experts who can help you buy or sell a home in Belltown.


text:
From what we under-stand Menayothin will still be going ahead with his title defense however his team are now scuttling around to find a suitable contender.
From what we understand they have requested that the WBC give a world ranking to Japanese fighter Tatsuya Fukuhara (14-4-5, 5), who fought to a draw with recent IBF title challenger Fahlan Sakkreerin Jr last year, however if the WBC don't allow Fukuhara to fight for the title then the situation could be a mess for Menayothin and his team.
For those unaware of Fukuhara he has twice fought in Thailand, in fact he's unbeaten there with a draw against Fahlan Sakkreerin Jr and a 2nd round TKO win over Pangporn Por Singdet,though is best known for losing a wide decision to a then debuting Takuma Inoue.
Our friends over at Thairec have reported that a press conference will be held next week to clarify the situation regarding the match up.
Wanheng Menayothin set to defend title against Korean foe!
Wanheng Menayothin to return in June
(Video of Fukuhara Vs Fahlan Sakkreerin Jr courtesy of tko.in.th)


text:
Rare is the man who receives an opportunity to celebrate a raise of more than $4 million. Fresh off the settlement of his arbitration case, which resulted in a $4.675 million deal for 2014, Greg Holland became one of those.
He opted for a laid-back approach. He grilled with his wife and his brother. Then he went to bed. At 10 p.m.
"I'm not going to Vegas or anything," Holland said on Thursday morning. "I keep it low key."
His new financial reality has not altered his work schedule. Holland was back in the team's complex to continue his early-season workouts. He threw a bullpen session on Thursday, the day before the Royals' pitchers and catchers report for the start of camp.
Holland, a 28-year-old right-hander, has been one of the best relievers in baseball these past three seasons. He etched himself into the franchise record book with his performance in 2013. He saved 47 games and gave up just nine earned runs in 68 appearances.
It is difficult to imagine Holland beingbetter
than he was in 2013. The challenge is merely to replicate his production.
"I approach it the same," Holland said. "I've always said no one's going to expect more out of me than me. That's how I was raised, and my mentality. So I just want to go out there every day and prove myself. It doesn't really matter my numbers.
"I've always said: I could care less if I don't save a single game this season. If we're in the playoffs, I don't have to look at my numbers to tell you it was a successful year."


text:
For many homeowners it is a race against time. An overwhelmed financial system is processing complicated loan modification paperwork, but often it is way too slow and the homes wind up on the auction block.
Regina Harper of San Leandro happily bakes cakes in her tiny kitchen and has settled in with her pet Shih Tzu. However, it wasn't long ago she thought she'd lost this place for good.
"I remember when I used to look at the four walls and think, 'How long have I got to be here?'" said Regina.
The past two years have been filled with ups and downs as she struggled to keep her home, starting when she fell behind on her house payments.
"Every day I would dread coming home from work. I used to sit in the car for an hour or two before I would come up thinking, 'Oh man, that note is going to be on the door,'" said Regina.
Sure enough, she arrived home one day to find a foreclosure notice slapped on her front door.
"My first thought was, 'Where am I going to sleep?' You know," said Regina.
However, there was hope. Saxon Mortgage let her try to save her house by modifying her mortgage. Regina entered the government's Making Home Affordable program and her house payments were cut in half for a trial period. It was a huge relief, until -- out of the blue -- she got a shocking phone call.
"To tell me that I was no longer the owner and that my place was sold and that Deutsche Bank was the owner and that I had to move," said Regina.
It turned out while she was busy modifying her loan, the foreclosure wheels had still been turning. Her home had been sold out from under her.
"It's quite a common occurrence unfortunately," said Consumer counselor Rick Harper.
Rick says this has happened to many distressed homeowners. While one part of their bank is modifying their loan, another part is on its own track rolling toward foreclosure.
"I'm dealing. I think I've got my modification, I'm ready to go and then I'm notified I've already lost my house to foreclosure," said Rick.
"I didn't know where I was going to go and what I was going to do. I thought I was going to be homeless out there on the street," said Regina.
However, there were still more ups and downs to come. First, Saxon admitted the foreclosure sale was a mistake due to inadvertence and oversight. It returned the home to Regina, but not before she was kicked out of the Making Home Affordable program. She now had a new mortgage company Ocwen Loan Servicing and her loan payments shot back up. That's when Regina contacted 7 On Your Side.
"It was the first bit of hope of somebody listening to me," said Regina.
7 On Your Side contacted both Saxon and Ocwen and the two mortgage companies agreed to work together for us. Weeks later, Regina got the good news that she got a new 25-year fixed mortgage.
Because of the mistakes, Ocwen put Regina back in the Making Home Affordable program after all. Her house payments were cut nearly in half, to $1,660 per month, and Ocwen agreed to forgive $126,000 of fees and principle over three years. That put Regina squarely back in her little kitchen.
"I have a roof over my head, me and my dog. I can say this is home. Thank you 7 On Your Side," said Regina.
There are new rules in the Making Home Affordable program to reduce this type of problem. The rules now say, once you make all your trial payments, your loan modification automatically becomes permanent and that should stop any foreclosure.
If you need help, there is a list of government-approved housing counselors at Hud.gov.


text:
Law enforcement in Ghana
The Ghana Police Service is the main law enforcement agency in Ghana. It is organized at national level and has a unitary command under the Inspector General of Police (IGP). Although there are many regional and divisional commands, they all report to the National Headquarters in Accra.
Policing in Ghana (then the Gold Coast) was originally organized by traditional authorities led by local kings or chiefs. This they did by employing unpaid messengers to carry out executive and judicial functions in their respective communities. Professional policing was introduced by the British Colonial authorities in 1831.[1] The colonial administrator at the time, Captain George Maclean, Governor of the Gold Coast, recruited 129 men to patrol the trade routes between Ashanti Kingdom and the coast and to protect colonial merchants and officials around the castle.[2]
In 1844, these troops were taken over by the British colonial authorities and became the "Gold Coast Militia and Police". In 1871 when the British assumed full sovereignty over the Gold Coast, the 90 men in the Police force was reinforced with a further 400 men. All the commissioned officers at the time were British.[2] The force became the "Gold Coast Constabulary" in 1876.[3] The Police Ordinance, passed in 1894, gave legal backing to the formation of a civilian police force in the colony. By 1902, the police had been divided into General, Escort, Mines and Railway Police and this was legalised by the Police [Amendment] Ordinance of 1904. A Marine Police unit was formed in 1906 but was replaced by the Customs, Excise and Preventive Service in 1942. The Criminal Investigation Department was established in 1922. Following the riots of 1948 led by the Big Six, the Special Branch and the Police Reserves Unit was formed for riot control and prevent destabilization of the government. The Special Branch was to gather intelligence though it was also used to hound political opponents. The Reserves unit was known to deal harshly with street demonstrators and protestors.[4] The Wireless and Communications Unit was opened in June 1950. A women's branch was established with 12 officers in 1952.[1][5] The Police College was opened in 1959. Prior to this, all officers were trained in the United Kingdom.[5] Ghana has now sought to secure advanced training programs from World Police Academy Canada and the Royal Ulster Constabulary Ireland.
The first Ghanaian to head the Ghana Police was E. R. T. Madjitey, who was appointed on October 9, 1958.
The Inspector General of Police (IGP) is the head of the Ghana Police service. He is aided by 2 Deputy IGPs responsible for administration and operations. The police structure is organized at national level into ten schedules each headed by a Commissioner.[6] The schedules are:[7]
- Criminal Investigation Department (CID)
- Legal and Special Duties
- Logistics and Support Services
- Operations
- Police Intelligence and Professional Standards Bureau
- Human Resource Development
- Welfare
- Research, Planning and Information Communication and Technology
- Strategic Direction and Monitoring
- Finance
There are 13 regions under the police service. Each of them is headed by a Regional Commander with a rank of Assistant Commissioner. There are the ten geographical regions, Ashanti, Brong Ahafo, Central, Eastern, Greater Accra, Northern, Upper East, Upper West, Volta and Western regions. The last three regions are Tema, Railway and Ports, and finally National Headquarters.[8]
Each region with the exception of the National Headquarters is divided into divisions. There are 51 divisions nationwide. These are further subdivided into 179 Districts and 651 Stations across the country.[8]
The ranks of Ghanaian police officers are loosely based on that of the British and other Commonwealth police although there are variations.[9] The posts and ranks within the Police service are broadly divided into those of superior officers and subordinate officers or other ranks.[10]
Superior officers
- Inspector General of Police
- Deputy Inspector General
- Commissioner
- Deputy Commissioner
- Assistant Commissioner
- Chief Superintendent
- Superintendent
- Deputy Superintendent
- Assistant Superintendent
Subordinate Police Officers
See also
- Bureau of National Investigations (BNI) (formerly Special Branch)
- Inspector General of Police (IGP)
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 "History of the Service". Brief Facts about the Ghana Police Service. Ghana Police Service. Archived from the original on 2007-09-27. Retrieved 2007-06-16.
- ↑ 2.0 2.1 "The Security Services" (PDF). National Reconciliation Commission Report Volume 4 Chapter 1. Ghana government. October 2004. p. 9. Archived from the original (pdf) on October 16, 2006. Retrieved 2007-06-19.
- ↑ "Police Administration:Brief History". Ghana Police Service. Archived from the original on 2007-09-27. Retrieved 2007-06-16.
- ↑ "The Role of State Institutions and Civil Society Groups" (PDF). National Reconciliation Commission Report Volume 1 Chapter 4. Ghana government. October 2004. p. 34. Archived from the original (pdf) on December 9, 2006. Retrieved 2007-06-16.
- ↑ 5.0 5.1 "The Security Services" (PDF). National Reconciliation Commission Report Volume 4 Chapter 1. Ghana government. October 2004. p. 10. Archived from the original (pdf) on October 16, 2006. Retrieved 2007-06-19.
- ↑ "Police Administration - National Headquarters". Ghana Police Service. Archived from the original on 2007-09-27. Retrieved 2007-06-19.
- ↑ "Organizational Chart". Ghana Police Service. Archived from the original on 2007-09-27. Retrieved 2007-06-19.
- ↑ 8.0 8.1 "Regional Police Establishments". Ghana Police Service. Archived from the original on 2007-09-27. Retrieved 2007-06-19.
- ↑ "Ghana - Republic of Ghana Police". The International Encyclopedia of Uniform Insignia around the world. World Insignia Collectors Union. Retrieved 2007-06-19.
- ↑ The Police Service (Amendment) Regulations, 1974 (LI 880)


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Oneonta, NY Area Scholarships
Provided by
Oneonta (pron.: /?o?ni??nt?/ OH-nee-ON-t?) is a city in southern Otsego County, New York, USA. As of the 2010 U.S. Census, had a population of 13,901. Its nickname is "City of the Hills." While the word "oneonta" is of undetermined origin, it is popularly believed to mean "place of open rocks" in the Iroquois language. This refers to a prominent geological formation known as "Tablerocks" at the western end of the city.
The city is surrounded by the town of Oneonta, a separate municipal and political jurisdiction. Oneonta is home to the State University Of New York at Oneonta and Hartwick College.
Oneonta Municipal Airport (N66) is north of the city.
* Description provided by Wikipedia under CC-BY-SA 3.0 license. More
Oneonta, NY Scholarships
|NACA Mid Atlantic Undergraduate Scholarship for Student Leaders
|September 30, 2018
Schools in and around Oneonta, NY
Otsego Area BOCES-School of Practical Nursing
Less than 2 years (below associate); Public
Hartwick College
Four or more years; Private not for profit; $35,240 average out-state tuition; $35,240 average in-state tuition
SUNY College at Oneonta
Four or more years; Public; $14,320 average out-state tuition; $5,270 average in-state tuition
SUNY College of Technology at Delhi
Four or more years; Public; $9,740 average out-state tuition; $5,270 average in-state tuition
Delaware Chenango Madison Ostego BOCES-Practical Nursing
Less than 2 years (below associate); Public
SUNY College of Agriculture and Technology at Cobleskill
Four or more years; Public; $14,320 average out-state tuition; $5,270 average in-state tuition
Colgate University
Four or more years; Private not for profit; $42,625 average out-state tuition; $42,625 average in-state tuition
Popular Majors in Oneonta
- Music Management and Merchandising
- Psychology
- Business/Managerial Economics
- Speech and Rhetorical Studies
- Biology
- Family and Consumer Sciences/Human Sciences
- Mass Communication/Media Studies
- English Language and Literature
- Sociology
- Art/Art Studies
- History
- Criminal Justice/Safety Studies
- Human Development and Family Studies
- Dietetics/Dietitians
- Business Administration and Management
- Political Science and Government
- Kindergarten/PreSchool Education
- Mathematics
- Mathematics Teacher Education
- School Counselor Education


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Fursuiting at LFSW2016
During our summer weekender, many of you will be wishing to bring and wear fursuits. This quick post will hopefully answer any questions people have and give some simple guidelines to ensure everyone is happy and safe.
You are very welcome to fursuit on the boat but please be aware that if you have not bought a fursuit bag ticket, you will not be able to bring a fursuit case with you on board. We recommend not bringing a full suit onto the boat if you do not have a fursuit bag ticket – space is at a premium. Please don't leave bodysuits / fursuit parts in the aisles or doorways as this will inhibit access to the other attendees and boat crew.
As always, we've organised an excursion from the summer party venue on Saturday which will be leaving at 3pm and will take the fursuiters to Trinity Square Gardens where they can play and interact with the public and other attendees. We will then be holding a photoshoot which will also include non-suiters and members of the public. This will be held at the destination (Trinity Square Gardens) but we will also organise a photoshoot back at the venue for anyone not wishing to come on the walk.
Here is a map of the route we will be taking along with written instructions:
Always remember when fursuiting to stay hydrated, have a bottle of water to hand and make sure you have at least one non-suiter that you know who can assist you and ensure you are safe. During the fursuit walk, our fursuiting team will make every effort to ensure the safety and comfort of our attendees but it is important for you to ensure you have your own water and a trusted spotter.
While fursuiting in public, please respect your surroundings (shops, businesses) and the personal space of others (full terms and conditions are here).
Other than that, see you Saturday, and have fun!
Read More


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N-MCDC2-PNOTE: As of July 2013, we've replaced all -P cables with a Pre-Trigger Mono Miniphone Adapter. This adapter works with the N-MCDC2-ACC to convert it from a -ACC cable to a Pre-Trigger (-P) cable for pre-releasing your shutter. So if you are looking for a MCDC2-P cable and cannot find one, ask your local or online retailer for a N-MCDC2-ACC cable and a PTMM Adapter and you'll be good to go.
If you are confused about what cable you need, either read the Compatibility and Description information below or visit our cable finder.
Pre-Trigger Remote Cable
For connecting a Plus II or MultiMAX with no ACC port to a Nikon MC-DC2 remote terminal, through a pre-trigger switch
Cable length: 3' (91.5 cm)
From 1/8" (3.5 mm) mono miniphone
Via pre-trigger switch
To Nikon MC-DC2 remote shutter release terminal
International Catalog Number: NMCDC2-P
US Catalog Number: 804-522
PocketWizard Compatibility:
· Plus II
· MultiMAX with no ACC port
· Use the N-MCDC2-ACC for the PlusX, Plus III, MultiMAX with ACC port, or FlexTT5 radios
Description: This cable contains a pre-trigger switch. When enabled, the camera behaves as if the camera's shutter release button were held half-pressed continuously. This makes the camera respond more quickly and consistently, but also consumes the camera's batteries much more quickly. When disabled, this cable functions identically to the N-MCDC2.
This –P cable works with most PocketWizard radios. This pre-trigger cable has a switch that allows you to toggle half-press on or off at the camera position, but not remotely.
A standard cable works with most PocketWizard radios but has no half-press control, and is for basic remote triggering only.
A –ACC cable allows a compatible PocketWizard radio to independently control both half-press and full-press functions, as well as relay E-TTL signals to compatible flashes when using FlexTT5s.
Compatible with the following radios:
Plus II: Use this cable to remotely fire your camera.
Plus III : This cable can remotely fire your camera and control half-press function at the camera's position. Use a –ACC cable for best results and to have half-press capability from the transmitting radio.
MultiMAX with no –ACC port: Use this cable to remotely fire your camera and control half-press function at the camera's position.
MultiMAX with –ACC port: This cable can remotely fire your camera but cannot wake up the camera in a remote zone. Use a –ACC cable for best resultsFlexTT5: This cable can remotely fire your camera and control half-press function at the camera's position, but your remote camera will not be able to relay an E-TTL signal to Speedlites. Use a –ACC cable for best results. Learn more here
Compatible with cameras using Nikons MC-DC2 remote terminal including:
Not for Nikon D70s or D80-use NM4-P instead.
Trademarks are the property of their respective owners.


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There may be times that you want to include a value from one report on another report. This could be you want net income from your income statement to be on your balance sheet or you want detailed reports to drive a summary report. In either case, Management Reporter provides a way to link these reports together by using the Link to Financial Dimension + Worksheet column in the row definition.
Check out the video below to see how to link to one report to another in Management Reporter.


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From Wiki Professional
Welcome to WikiProfessional.org - a collaboratively edited career resource. This wiki is in development through the collaborative efforts of students, volunteers, and professionals.
The goal of this collaboration is to create a comprehensive resource to help support anyone looking to pursue a new (or their first) career path. Eventually, we hope to have a fully fleshed out resource that helps the student/job seeker through the various phrases of the career hunt:
- Identifying potential career paths
- Exploring educational options
- Researching different fields and industries
- Finding job opportunities and preparing for interviews
Getting started
Below you'll find resources to help you quest for your dream career - no matter where you are on your career path.
- Careers A-Z - A comprehensive glossary of careers
- Salary Database - A database of salary data pulled from public sources
- Education - Ranking data to help you choose the right post-secondary institution


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- Overview:
- The latest innovative addition to the class-leading range of Tech Boots for motocross and off-road, the Tech 3 Enduro incorporates track-proven performances technologies into an anatomically profiled performer that features protection and comfort. With a durable yet lightweight main shell, plus a range of protection features, inside and out.
- Design & Function:
- Construction; Upper: TPU
- Upper and front and rear bellow is made from innovative and light microfiber material that is flexible and abrasion resistant
- Toe box is made of synthetic material for high abrasion
- Extended PU synthetic gaiter helps seal out excessive water and dirt entry
- Contoured TPU calf protector plate, higher medial protector, outer lateral ankle and heel counter offer support and resistance to impacts
- Rear TPR gaiter patch applied on top of the TPU calf protector gives protection and comfort on rear flex
- Injected TPU shin plate connected with the TPU medial protector panel; Velcro® upper closure, plus TPR flap for broad ranging calf fit adjustment and support
- Bio-mechanical medial blade system allows a good front rear flex giving support and protection to the ankle
- The ergonomic TPU triple buckle straps are wrapping armoniously the front flex from the medial protector to the lateral side without compromising the flex
- New closure system includes 3 polymer buckles, a ratchet with memory and a quick release/locking system with self-aligning design for easy, precise closure; buckles are replaceable.
- Innovative one-piece TPU injected dual compound foot shell, reinforced by a metal shank inside a co-injected toe reinforcement
- Soft foams surrounds the ankles and collar offer comfort and shock absorbing performance
- Entire textile lining for more comfort
- Replaceable EVA footbed with textile lining on top
- Exclusive high grip rubber compound outsole. The sole is replaceable
- TECH 3 Enduro boot is CE certified to EN 13634:2010
- Colour: Black
We deliver to over 80 countries, Click to find out more.
We have the following delivery options available:
Standard Tracked Delivery: $24.95
- 7 - 9 Working Days
- FREE for orders over $199.95, otherwise $24.95
Superfast Delivery: $49.95
- 3 - 4 Working Days
- $34.95 for orders over $199.95, otherwise $49.95


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Mastin Kipp, the founder of the pop culture blog, TheDailyLove.com, says his life changed forever with a single tweet from reality star Kim Kardashian. In this clip from "Super Soul Sunday" on OWN, Kipp tells Oprah how that fateful tweet played a huge role in his spiritual journey.
Kipp began TheDailyLove.com after struggling with addiction and losing his dream job in the music industry. It was a turning point for Kipp, who decided to get sober and start blogging to connect with other like-minded people.
In the video, he says launching the blog wasn't an easy process. "When we first started, it took me a year to get a thousand followers," he says.
While struggling to gain an audience, he says his life simultaneously seemed to crumble. "The relationship I was in fell apart," Kipp says. "The investors in my company pulled out because they lost money in the recession. My business partner and I broke up. My lower back went out. And I got gout in my big foot. All in one week. Oh, and my roommate gave me three-day notice that 'I'm moving out.'"
To make ends meet, Kipp moved into a tiny pool house. "I had done just enough [spiritual] practice to know that maybe this is some type of divine storm," he says.
Though the blog only had a small following, Kipp continued to work on it. "I felt this calling into The Daily Love," he says.
A month after moving into the pool house, Kipp says everything changed when Kim Kardashian tweeted: "I feel so inspired when I read tweets from @TheDailyLove. They make me feel lovey and positive!"
Kipp says Kardashian had one million followers at the time, many of which began to read TheDailyLove.com. "Overnight, we went from a thousand to 10,000 followers. It was like this confirmation of God going, 'I got you,'" Kipp says.
"God shows up in just the most unusual spaces sometimes," Oprah says.
"Super Soul Sunday" with Mastin Kipp, Marie Forleo and Gabrielle Bernstein airs Sunday, Sept. 1 at 11:30 a.m. ET on OWN.


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Linda Thom
Linda Thom, shooter (b at Hamilton, Ont 30 Dec 1943).
Linda Thom, shooter (b at Hamilton, Ont 30 Dec 1943). At age 8, Linda Thom's father, a competitive shooter, introduced her to shooting with a BB gun. As a youngster, she practised on targets such as matchboxes floating on pools of water. She made her competitive mark in 1970 at the world championships at Phoenix, Arizona, where she placed in the top 10 of the three events she entered. Although she continued to maintain her shooting skills, she decided to take a break from competition and to pursue many outside interests and became a chef. When it was announced in 1982 that Ladies Pistol Shooting would be an event at the 1984 Olympics, Linda Thom felt a renewed desire to compete. Prior to the Games, she finished first in the Swiss International pistol tournament and third in the West German International in 1984, and then won a gold medal in the ladies sport pistol at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics. Thom's win also marked the first gold medal by a Canadian since 1968 and the first female gold-medallist since 1928. Linda Thom became a Member of the Order of Canada in 1985 and retired from the sport in 1987. In 1992, Linda Thom was elected to the Canadian Sports Hall of Fame.


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|Duintjer Tebbens, Radboud J; Pallansch, Mark A; Wassilak, Steven G F et al. (2015) Combinations of Quality and Frequency of Immunization Activities to Stop and Prevent Poliovirus Transmission in the High-Risk Area of Northwest Nigeria. PLoS One 10:e0130123
|Duintjer Tebbens, Radboud J; Pallansch, Mark A; Thompson, Kimberly M (2015) Modeling the prevalence of immunodeficiency-associated long-term vaccine-derived poliovirus excretors and the potential benefits of antiviral drugs. BMC Infect Dis 15:379
|Kalkowska, Dominika A; Duintjer Tebbens, Radboud J; Grotto, Itamar et al. (2015) Modeling options to manage type 1 wild poliovirus imported into Israel in 2013. J Infect Dis 211:1800-12
|Duintjer Tebbens, Radboud J; Pallansch, Mark A; Cochi, Stephen L et al. (2015) An economic analysis of poliovirus risk management policy options for 2013-2052. BMC Infect Dis 15:389
|Kalkowska, Dominika A; Duintjer Tebbens, Radboud J; Pallansch, Mark A et al. (2015) Modeling undetected live poliovirus circulation after apparent interruption of transmission: implications for surveillance and vaccination. BMC Infect Dis 15:66
|Kisjes, Kasper H; Duintjer Tebbens, Radboud J; Wallace, Gregory S et al. (2014) Individual-based modeling of potential poliovirus transmission in connected religious communities in North America with low uptake of vaccination. J Infect Dis 210 Suppl 1:S424-33
|Thompson, Kimberly M; Strebel, Peter M; Dabbagh, Alya et al. (2013) Enabling implementation of the Global Vaccine Action Plan: developing investment cases to achieve targets for measles and rubella prevention. Vaccine 31 Suppl 2:B149-56
|Duintjer Tebbens, Radboud J; Pallansch, Mark A; Kalkowska, Dominika A et al. (2013) Characterizing poliovirus transmission and evolution: insights from modeling experiences with wild and vaccine-related polioviruses. Risk Anal 33:703-49
|Duintjer Tebbens, Radboud J; Pallansch, Mark A; Kim, Jong-Hoon et al. (2013) Oral poliovirus vaccine evolution and insights relevant to modeling the risks of circulating vaccine-derived polioviruses (cVDPVs). Risk Anal 33:680-702


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MS Word Files
Document Accessibility
Make sure that your WORD files are accessible to people with disabilities.
- Consider other formats, such as HTML
Document Speed
- Purge the toys:
- Unclick "allow fast saves" in the Tools/Options/Save menu
- Track Changes – accept changes and turn off
- Comments – delete if possible
- And then 'Save As'
- Other formats:
- Convert to PDF then RTF (but formatting will be lost)
- Converting straight to RTF will create larger files
Write Searchable Documents
To optimise your files for search engines:
- Fill out the document 'Properties' – displayed in search results
- Use Structural elements properly eg.:
- Slide titles
- Split large documents into sections:
- Get more content indexed
- Documents will load faster
- Provide alt text for images:
- Adds more 'indexable' text to your page
- If done well is good for accessibility for people with disabilities


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Recipe: Instant Pot Weeknight Chicken and Rice Burrito Bowls
We all need a foolproof meal that we can turn to on nights we forget to plan and need to get dinner on the table fast. Inspired by these slow-cooker burrito bowls, this recipe comes together quickly with the help of an electric pressure cooker. With chicken, rice, black beans, and corn, it's a wholesome supper that tastes like it took much longer to make than it actually did.
A Versatile Burrito Bowl in 20 Minutes
Just as with a traditional burrito, this recipe is super versatile. Don't skip making it because you don't have one of the ingredients on the list. Besides the salsa, there's a good chance anything on the ingredient list can be omitted or swapped for something else.
Vegetable broth or even water can be used in place of chicken broth, while pinto, white, or kidney beans can easily be used in place of black beans. Have a pack of boneless, skinless breasts already in the fridge? Go ahead and use that in place of chicken thighs. None of these swaps will affect the cook time or finished burrito bowls.
For a Faster Dinner, Embrace the "Meanwhile"
My go-to tactic for making dinner prep as efficient and speedy as possible is to embrace the "meanwhile." This means that instead of prepping all the ingredients at the onset (as we're often told to do), you should work as you go. This is largely a dump-and-go recipe, but there's still some room to embrace the meanwhile for more efficient and faster prep. Get started by prepping the onion and garlic, and having the spices and broth ready. While the onion sautés and simmers, cut up the chicken and rinse and drain the black beans.
More kitchen shortcuts: Sara Moulton's Kitchen Shortcuts
How We Made This Recipe Better
Instant Pot Weeknight Chicken and Rice Burrito Bowls
1 1/2 tablespoons canola or vegetable oil
1 medium onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth, divided
1 1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1-inch pieces
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1 (15-ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 cup frozen corn kernels
1 (16-ounce) jar salsa
1 cup long-grain white rice
1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1/4 cup coarsely chopped fresh cilantro
Add the oil to the Instant Pot, turn on sauté setting, and heat until the oil is shimmering. Add the onion and garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, 4 minutes. Stir in the chili powder and cumin. Cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add 1/4 cup of the chicken broth and cook, gently scraping the bottom of the pot with a wooden spoon to loosen any stuck-on bits, and simmer for 1 minute.
Season the chicken all over with salt and pepper. Add the chicken, beans, corn, salsa, and stir to combine. Sprinkle the rice on top of the chicken and beans mixture and pour the remaining 3/4 cup broth on top of the rice, but do not stir. Using the pressure cooker's manual setting, set the pressure to HIGH for 10 minutes. Close and lock the lid. It should take the pressure cooker about 10 to 12 minutes to come to pressure and begin the 10 minute countdown. When cooking time is complete, do a quick release of the pressure.
Gently stir everything together. Divide between bowls and top with the cheese and cilantro.
Recipe Notes
- Storage: Leftovers can be stored in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 5 days.


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St. Vrain Valley School District
395 South Pratt Parkway
Longmont, CO 80501
(303) 776-6200
(303) 682-7396
Follow Dr. Haddad on Twitter
More News
More Events
More Videos
As the school year winds down and you gear up for a summer of activities, make sure the following 10 tasks have been completed for your students.
Niwot High Principal Eric Rauschkolb has been chosen the 2017 Colorado Secondary School Principal of the Year by the Colorado Association of School Executives.
The National Association of Secondary School Principals sponsors the principal of the year program. The award recognizes "outstanding middle level and high school principals."
Selection criteria include personal excellence, collaborative leadership, curriculum, instruction, assessment and personalization of learning opportunities for students.
Erie High School's Tigers Together program, started by special education teachers Elizabeth Goodrich and Gaynelle Tuck, launched this fall, pairing students with disabilities with general education upper-class peer mentors. The new program does not supplant existing special education services, and was borne of a desire to make the school more inclusive for students with disabilities.
Dear St. Vrain Valley Community,I want to thank you for your continued support as we strive for excellence in serving our students, parents, teachers, staff and community. Every week I have the wonderful opportunity to visit our schools and I continue to be inspired by the engagement, citizenship, grit and compassion that drives our community.
395 South Pratt ParkwayLongmont, CO 80501Phone: (303) 776-6200 | Fax: (303) 682-7396


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I took my stamping skills to a new level with this project! My inspiration for this craft came from a genius subscription-based craft company called WhimseyBox. I found their fabric stamping tutorial incredibly helpful.
I found an inexpensive canvas tote bag at my local A.C. Moore Craft Supply Store. This one is particularly useful for Karma's overnight trips to the Doggie Hotel or road trips with us because it has 2 large front pockets, perfect for a leash or treats (or both!)
After printing my desired image, I used a #2 pencil to cover the image with lead. Then, I flipped it onto the blank carving block and rubbed the image to transfer the pencil marks.
Then, the carving begins! A great craft to get out some aggression!!
An inexpensive brayer was necessary to get even amounts of ink on the stamp.
I used an oil-based fabric ink in White and Orange.
Ta-Da! The final product is both practical and fun! I love that having Karma's name on her sleepover bag is helpful to Doggie Day Care and an edgy expression of creativity. Useful art is the BEST!


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Cara Delevingne has come forward to accuse Harvey Weinstein of attempting to coerce a sexual encounter between her and another woman in his hotel room.
The model-turned-actress, 25, had just begun her acting career when she was first contacted by Weinstein, she told reporter Yashar Ali.
"I received a call from Harvey Weinstein asking if I had slept with any of the women I was seen out with in the media," Delevingne, who is bisexual, recounted. After he delivered some unsolicited advice -- that she would never make it as an actress in Hollywood if she were openly gay -- the phone call ended.
A year or two later, the two arranged to meet in a hotel lobby with a film director. After the director left the meeting, Weinstein asked her to "stay and chat."
"As soon as we were alone he began to brag about all the actresses he had slept with and how he made their careers and spoke about other inappropriate things of a sexual nature," Delevingne continued. "He then invited me to his room."
After declining the invitation and asking and assistant if her car was nearby, the assistant told her it wasn't and she should go to his room. She felt, she said, "powerless and scared but didn't want to act that way hoping I was wrong about the situation."
It was once they entered his room that things took a turn. "When I arrived, I was relieved to find another woman in his room and thought immediately I was safe," she recalled. "He asked us to kiss and began some sort of advances upon his direction."
Panicked, Delevingne attempted to reroute the situation by asking Weinstein if he knew she could sing. "I thought it would make the situation better," she said. "More professional, like an audition. I was so nervous. After singing I said again that I had to leave."
Weinstein tried to kiss her on the lips as she exited.
Delevingne believes that the uncomfortable experience was involved in her booking the part they'd originally met to discuss. "Since then I felt awful that I did the movie. I felt I didn't deserve the part," she said. "I was so hesitant about speaking out. I didn't want to hurt his family. I felt guilty as if I did something wrong."
Below is Delevingne's statement in full:
I just received this statement from @Caradelevingne detailing her experience with Harvey Weinstein. Thank you, Cara. pic.twitter.com/SA1D05lYH4
— Yashar Ali (@yashar) October 11, 2017


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Exclusive Destiny Dixon Photos and Videos - Only at Aziani.com
By now we fully expect you to be as much in love with Destiny Dixon as we are. Sexy, smart and strong.. Destiny is a unique character who is a lot of fun to be around with. And of course it doesn't hurt that she is one horny hottie with an outstanding bod!


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Elementary School
The Elementary School program builds on the foundation of the Early Childhood program. Lessons are coordinated jointly to produce a student who can function proficiently in the next grade and to compare strategies and innovate new ideas. This is a continued evolution that requires care and wisdom to achieve the highest potential for all students. Children are blessings from Allah (God). Our responsibility to them is to instill an awareness and dependence on Allah to live their lives. The Islamic School of Irving recognizes the innate and inherent needs of children. Our elementary program strives to fulfill the needs of the child by targeting six basic areas of development: spiritual, psychological, emotional, social, physical, and cognitive development


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When I'd rather be with my dogs than people
I went to a Child Trauma and Grief Conference today and spent eight hours hearing about, well, childhood trauma and grief. So when I got home you can understand how I would be a tad exhausted and down in the doldrums.
I saddled up the horses (uh, I mean, my dogs) and we went for a walk. As an extra special treat, I downloaded a new book on tape to listen to on our journey. It is an author who also reads his books on tape who has been recommended to me by many, on many different occasions. I figured I would give him a chance. With all ten legs walking, we begin up the hilly hill on our way to the community park.
Let me explain my neighborhood. It is very social. When the weather is nice, you can see neighbors visiting all over the place. Sitting on porches. Waving and yelling salutations by first names. A real Beaver Cleaver kind of place.
I am not that kind of neighbor. I pull in my garage, shut the garage door, only when the garage door is completely shut, then and only then will I get out of my car. I do this just in case someone thought of waving hello to me as I exited my car, they will see any small opportunity quickly extinguished. I'm not an antisocial person, I just like to be social when it's scheduled and I don't really enjoy people just "dropping in." I attribute this to the fact that I spend 12 hours at a time with people just "dropping in." So I like my alone time.
I don't know what the neighbors think of me, I am sure they think I'm cruel and heartless. I am hoping my sweet and social hubby (who does know everyone by name…) makes up for my autistic behavior.
The point of my telling you this is that as I am walking the dogs and listening to my new book on tape, I find that my friends were right. This guy is HILARIOUS. And because he is hilarious and because I have spent all day talking about dead and dying children, I am laughing OUT LOUD. I need a release, and this is just what I needed. The entire forty plus minute walk, I am laughing intermittently out loud. Beyond a smirk or a chuckle, BELLY LAUGHING.
So now, I am quite certain, the neighbors have the block gossip confirmed. I am a crazy, antisocial, prone to strange mood shifts and officially, not a good neighbor.
Oh well, that's kind of true but I still can't wait for our next walk.
Career, Nursing Blogs, Your Stories
Rebekah Child attended the University of Southern California for her bachelor's in nursing and decided to brave the academic waters and return for her master's in nursing education, graduating in 2003 from Mount St. Mary's. Rebekah has also taught nursing clinical and theory at numerous Southern California nursing schools and has been an emergency nurse since 2002. She is currently one of the clinical educators for an emergency department in Southern California and a student (again!) in the doctoral program at the University of California, Los Angeles.
By Rebekah Child
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3 Responses to When I'd rather be with my dogs than people
He has a very specific sense of humor that I am sure many RNs would enjoy: David Sedaris–Live for your listening pleasure
You just described my husband, our two dogs, and neighborhood. I am a Psych nurse going to school for my BSN. After school and work I really, really need my time alone. I never thought of down loading a book to my I-pod!