text:
In the following video, Motley Fool tech and telecom analyst Andrew Tonner takes a closer look at the release of Samsung's much-ballyhooed new Galaxy S4 handset. Many analysts suggested the possibility before the unveiling that this could be the phone that puts an end to iPhone's dominance. But now that we've had a chance to see the phone itself, many are calling the upgrades "evolutionary" rather than revolutionary -- meaning it boasts incremental improvements in many of the phone's systems but no new features that really wow consumers. Andrew goes over the phone's enhancements and tells us why it will fly off the shelves but won't kill the iPhone.
Andrew Tonner has no position in any stocks mentioned. The Motley Fool recommends and owns shares of Google. Try any of our Foolish newsletter services free for 30 days. We Fools may not all hold the same opinions, but we all believe that considering a diverse range of insights makes us better investors. The Motley Fool has a disclosure policy.


text: Why does Judaism forbid tattoos? The source of this prohibition is Leviticus 19:28 "You shall not etch a tattoo on yourselves." This prohibition applies to all tattoos besides those made for medical purposes, such as to guide a surgeon making an incision. Although some of the commentaries seem to believe that this is one of the Torah's _chukim_, the commandments whose rationales transcend the ken of human intellect, other commentators do offer several explanations for this prohibition: 1. The human body is G‑d's creation, and it is therefore unbefitting to mutilate G‑d's handiwork. It is especially unbefitting for members of G‑d's chosen nation to mutilate their bodies. One must believe that G‑d, the greatest artisan of all, formed him or her in the most fitting way, and one must not change this form. Changing one's body (unless it is for health reasons) is tantamount to insulting G‑d's handiwork. 2. In ancient times, it was customary for idol-worshippers to tattoo themselves as a sign of commitment to their deity—much like an animal that is branded by its owner. On many occasions the Torah forbids practices that emulate pagan customs, considering that following their traditions is the first step towards subscribing to their idolatrous beliefs and services. 3. The covenant of circumcision is unique in its being a sign in our bodies of our relationship with G‑d. Making other signs in one's body would weaken and cheapen this special sign.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Volunteer Opportunities
Adopt-A-Plot: Help maintain the grounds by weeding and watering an assigned plot of land. They also assist annually with mulching and planting.
Bereavement: Bereavement Committee helps with funeral liturgy planning and also provides food for the families the day of the funeral.
Bridgepoint: Volunteers help with the weekly Mass at Bridgepoint Nursing Home. Mass is every Wednesday at 2 p.m. Volunteers help set-up, bring residents from their room to the chapel and return residents again after Mass. Time involved is about an hour.
Church Linen: Take the altar linens home to wash and iron, then return them. This is a once or twice a month commitment.
Giving Tree: In December, all are welcomed to volunteer. Volunteer by helping plan the Giving Tree and/or make donations to those families in need.
Knights of Columbus: All men of the parish are eligible to join. Knights of Columbus help raise money for the organization and the Church. Social meetings are held on Mondays.
Plant Care: Volunteers needed to provide regular watering of plants in Church.
School Receptionist: Volunteer needed from 7:15 to 8:30 a.m. Monday through Friday to help answer phones and greet guests.
Senior Transportation: Help those who cannot drive get to Church. Volunteers needed for the four weekend Masses.
St. Elizabeth Health Care Ministries: These volunteers take the Eucharist to the sick in the hospital. Volunteers coordinate their efforts with the Chaplain at the hospital. Training is provided.
St. Jude Crew: This group of men and women volunteers share their talents in construction, maintenance and remodeling for jobs around St. Paul Church and School.
St. Vincent de Paul Society: This ministry is dedicated to serving the needy in our midst. The St. Paul Chapter has a meeting every second Saturday of the month at 9 a.m.
For more information or to sign up to volunteer for one or more of these amazing opportunities, submit the below form indicating what opportunities you are interested in or call 859-371-8051.


text:
(Two hours laterÖ)
Concen-OW!-concentrate. Yeah, that wonít work; just go back to sleep.
Irish accentÖdrunken argument about entitlement. That Irishman was confused. World War IIÖwho talks about War at the bar? Who was that giggling the entire time? Oh noÖthat was me! I giggled in the Irishmanís face? I laughed at the War? Money. Why did he try to give me moneyÖ???
DO NOT FROWN! Pain intensifies.
The AC has stopped. The phone is ringing.
Camera! Pictures of the night. Evidence!
Click for the Current Column...
Search Messages CIG Info


text:
Florian Habicht is a truly idiosyncratic, determinedly personal filmmaker. Florian settled into the Auckland art scene after his family immigrated to New Zealand from Germany in the 1980s. His films have run the gamut from magical realism (Woodenhead, 2003) to edgy romance (Love Story, 2011); his documentary Pulp: A Film About Life, Death and Supermarkets (2014) captured the return of the iconic band to their hometown. His latest film is Spookers, an unexpectedly moving (and, yes, occasionally terrifying) study of the folks who provide the frights at the New Zealand 'scare park', one of the largest of its kind in the world.
As his film continues its global rollout after festival slots in Sydney, Canada's Hot Docs and Auckland, Florian Habicht spoke with SCREEN-SPACE about his latest walk on the weird side…
SCREEN-SPACE: How did the Spookers project come to you? How did you determine this was to be your next film?
HABICHT: I was really determined not to make Spookers (laughs). Suzanne (Walker, producer) from Madman Entertainment dreamt up the idea. I got a phone call from them with the pitch, because they wanted to make the film with a New Zealand director. I was in the middle of writing a drama that I was, and am, really passionate about and I was coming off making a lot of docos. So I went to Spookers with a camera to do a few test shots, hoping that I wouldn't like it and it would be easy to say no. But once there, I just fell in love with the place and especially the performers. I immediately realised that the building where it all takes place was an old psychiatric hospital. When you drive onto the grounds, there is an epic, very intense sensation, a bit like The Shining.
SCREEN-SPACE: Are you a fan of horror, in any form?
HABICHT: Oh God, no. The exact opposite! I'd never been to Spookers, never decided to make that trip, because I knew I'd just be too scared. But I knew it would be a great setting for a film. When I finally did do the tour, I had a video camera in my hand. Now, I went paragliding with a camera in my hand once and everything was totally sweet, but the thought of paragliding without a camera…just, no way. It was the same when I went through Spookers.
SCREEN-SPACE: Given that it is set in Kingseat, an old and abandoned asylum with its own dark past, were you at all conscious of how you depict the link between violence and mental health?
HABICHT: I went to a great café in Auckland called Hallelujah, which no longer exists, and I saw a young woman reading a book on mental health. I decided to talk with her, mostly because the cover of the book looked so cool, and it turned out she was studying to be a nurse and her mental health professor had been at Kingseat. That was Deborah, one of those featured in the film, and we are good friends now. Many of the people who had been at Kinsey were not really into talking about that experience on camera, but Deborah was very open. I don't believe you could make a film about Spookers and not make it about mental health.
SCREEN-SPACE: Did the owners Beth and Andy (pictured, right) trust you to represent them and their business positively? Did they have much say in how their story is told?
HABICHT: I had a sense that Andy was a bit suspicious about what we were up to. Beth and I had a nice connection right from the start, which provided a few sparks in our interviews. They were both incredibly generous with their time and understanding, helping the crew over the shoot, which amounted to 30 days over the course of a year. The long shoot allowed the story to evolve as we edited, which is why (editors) Peter O'Donoghue and Veronica Gleeson are credited as writers, because we shaped the doco's narrative in the editing. What was funny was that to get the funding we had to pretend that we knew what the film was going to be about. So we wrote a treatment that I knew was definitely not going to be the film. I probably shouldn't say that (laughs), but that's what you've got to do to complete a funding application. So there was that film, then there was the film that formed by going out there and experiencing the Spookers world.
SCREEN-SPACE: It is an inspired decision to intersperse the real-world narrative with the dream sequences of those at the centre of the Spookers story…
HABICHT: I held workshops with the eight performers. I took my hat off, placed it in the middle of the room, and just kept asking them all sorts of questions that they anonymously supplied answers to by dropping bits of paper in my hat. Questions like, 'The last thing that broke your heart' or 'The last thing that made you cry' or 'What you had for breakfast.' It was just to get to know them more. And a lot of the responses concerned their dreams, which I knew had to make up a part of any film that was going to tell their stories. Which then led to them taking their self-taught acting skills, the skills they use everyday at Spookers, to another level on-screen. That was really cool for them.
SPOOKERS will be released in Australian cinemas on September 14; New Zealand and international release dates to be confirmed.


text:
When T. asked me how I would like to spend my last day on earth, I told him by playing Hookie from work making marinara sauce together making love while it was cooking, drinking red wine, eating bread and watching all the movies we have talked about watching together. -- from Anne Marie Fahey's diary, Feb. 22, 1995
Anne Marie Fahey's last day turned out much differently from the dreamy scenario she anticipated in her diary.
In fact, the only part that came to pass was that she and "T" indeed were together when her last day ended.
"T" was also "Tomas," "Tommy," "Tom" and "Hey, Capano!" -- Fahey's nicknames for her lover in diary entries and the e-mails they exchanged over the course of their nearly three-year relationship.


text:
When wrongdoers defraud the government, whistleblowers acting under the False Claims Act provide powerful protection to U.S. taxpayers.
The Nashville whistleblower attorneys at Cummings Manookian represent False Claims Act whistleblowers in cases involving Medicare and healthcare fraud. Our resources, skill, and decades of combined experience in healthcare litigation allow us to investigate and prosecute even the most complex FCA matters all the way through trial.
What Is The False Claims Act?
The False Claims Act is a federal law that allows private citizens to sue individuals and businesses that commit fraud against the government. Originally enacted by President Abraham Lincoln, the law creates incentives for ordinary Americans with evidence of fraud to prosecute the responsible parties on behalf of the United States government in exchange for a share of the recovery.
What Conduct Is Covered By The False Claims Act?
The False Claims act covers fraud involving any federally funded contract or program. It applies to any person or business who submits a bill for payment to the government through those programs. While the universe of potential violations of the False Claims Act is limited only by the fraudster's ingenuity and dishonesty, common examples include:
- Unnecessary Procedure Billing – Billing the government for procedures that were not medically indicated.
- Double Billing – Charging for the same good or service more than once.
- Phantom Billing – Billing for goods or services that were never delivered or rendered.
- Upcoding – Submitting bills for medical procedures at phony higher diagnoses codes in order to receive reimbursement at a higher rate.
- Employee Upcoding – Charging a physician rate for work that was actually performed by a resident or nurse.
- Unapproved Billing – Billing for non-FDA approved drugs or devices.
- Unbundling – Submitting multiple billing codes instead of one in order to increase remuneration.
- Bundling – Billing more for a panel of tests when a single test was indicated.
- Billing for Brand – Billing for brand name drugs when generic drugs are provided.
Who Can Act As A Whistleblower?
With very limited exceptions, any person with evidence of fraud against the government can act as a whistleblower. In False Claims Act cases, these individuals are known as "relators."
How Are Whistleblowers Compensated?
In successful False Claims Act cases, the whistleblower is typically entitled to between 15 and 30 percent of the overall recovery. It is not unusual for the total recovery in a case to reach into the hundreds of millions and occasionally billions of dollars. For example, Nashville-based hospital giant HCA has paid over half a billion dollars in False Claims Act cases twice. Because of the size and scope of many healthcare fraud schemes, shares paid to whistleblowers can be enormous.
How Do I Initiate A Claim?
If you are aware of fraud against the government and are considering acting as a whistleblower, your first step is to meet with an experienced False Claims Act attorney. He or she will evaluate your evidence, first determining whether the defendant's conduct violates the False Claims Act and, if so, the best strategy for pursuing an award.
Why Choose Cummings Manookian?
The decision to expose healthcare fraud can be difficult and is fraught with peril; particularly when you've uncovered the wrongdoing on the job. You're risking your position, your professional relationships, and your livelihood. You're all too aware that the case may take years, and your employer may attempt to retaliate. You need dedicated, aggressive attorneys who know the healthcare arena and understand the nuances of your claim.
Brian Cummings and Brian Manookian have decades of experience in healthcare law. We know the hallmarks of an unnecessary procedure; we can spot false billing – from upcoding to unbundling; and, most importantly, we admire your courage and recognize the risks you're taking simply to do right. If you're aware of fraudulent billing by a healthcare provider, contact us today for a free, no obligation consultation. We appreciate you, and we want to help.


text:
This month's Vintage Card of the Month is from the 1977 Topps Football set, Steve Largent. The 1977 Topps football release was the first set to include both of the 1976 expansion teams, the Seattle Seahawks and Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This card is Largent's rookie card, remember the days when a player had only one rookie card?
Last month I selected a Largent relic card for my vintage card so this selection should be no surprise. Steve Largent is my favorite Seahawk and is among the Seahawks pantheon of gods along with Dave Krieg, Walter Jones, Curt Warner, Shaun Alexander, Matt Hasselbeck, Cortez Kennedy and Mack Strong.
Topps was the only major football card company at the time and they had a pretty standard design in the mid-late 70s; a white border, close-up shot of the player, a banner of some sort with the team name and the player's name. If you look at the base cards from 1975 through the 1983 sets you will see there were only minor changes from year to year.
The card is in good shape and besides a smudge on the front (above the "E" in Largent) and cut slightly off center on the front it looks great. I picked up the card about 10 years ago on eBay for less than $8 shipped so a pretty good bargain.


text:
Roscrea Liffey Mills premises is broken into
The Gardai are investigating a break-in at Liffey Mills, Roscrea, in the early hours of March 11 in which E1,200 worth of property was taken.
The thieves made off with power tools valued at E600; fodder valued at E300 and a trailer worth E300.
The Gardai are searching for a red Toyota Land Cruiser jeep that had been stolen earlier in County Laois.
A car trailer worth E200 was stolen from outside a house at Munnia, Killoscully, sometime between March 13 and March 16.
Two people were arrested and charged with possession of cannabis for their own personal use on March 13. One person was arrested following a house search in Newport and the second person was arrested following a house search in Killoscully.
A motorist was arrested on suspicion of drink driving following a road traffic accident at Summerhill, Nenagh, on March 15. The accident happened after the driver of a jeep crashed into two stationary vehicles, causing damage to both, and causing his vehicle to overturn.


text:
Columbia Gas Transmission LLC
Third Revised Volume No. 1
Contents / Previous / Next / Main Tariff Index
Effective Date: 03/03/2009, Docket: RP09-340-000, Status: Effective
Original Sheet No. 283 Original Sheet No. 283
GENERAL TERMS AND CONDITIONS (Cont'd)
Prior to reserving Available Reservation Capacity for future expansion projects, Transporter shall
first make such capacity generally available to any Shipper or potential Shipper by posting such Available
Reservation Capacity for bidding through an open season for a time period of at least five (5) business days.
This Available Reservation Capacity open season posting shall contain the posting information required by
General Terms and Conditions Section 4.2(a)(i) - (vi) and shall conform to the bidding and capacity award
procedures of General Terms and Conditions Sections 4.2(b) - (g). When the Available Reservation Capacity open
season is held prior to the expansion project open season, Transporter shall have the right to state in the
Available Reservation Capacity open season posting minimum terms and conditions for bids that would be
acceptable for consideration that are the same as the minimum terms and conditions anticipated for the future
expansion project open season. In the event that the subsequent expansion project open season imposes minimum
terms and conditions that are materially different from the terms and conditions imposed in the previous
Available Reservation Capacity open season, Transporter shall hold another open season for the Available
Reservation Capacity that uses the same minimum terms and conditions as were imposed for the expansion project
open season. If the expansion project open season is held prior to or during the Available Reservation
Capacity open season, Transporter shall use the same minimum terms and conditions as used for the expansion
project open season.
Available Reservation Capacity may only be reserved in the 12-month period prior to the filing of the
certificate application. Any Available Reservation Capacity reserved pursuant to this Section 4.2(i) for an
expansion project that does not go forward because Transporter does not file any required application with the
Commission within one year from such reservation date, or because Transporter ultimately does not receive
authorization, shall be posted as generally available within 30 days of the date the capacity becomes available
subject to then existing commitments for the capacity.
Transporter postings for reserved Available Reservation Capacity shall include the following
information: (a) a description of the expansion project for which the capacity will be reserved; (b) the total
quantity of capacity to be reserved; (c) the location of the proposed reserved capacity on the pipeline system;
(d) whether, and if so, when Transporter anticipates that an open season for the capacity will be held or it
will otherwise be posted for bids under the expansion; (e) the projected in-service date of the expansion
projects; and (f) on a rolling basis, how much of the reserved capacity has been sold on a limited-term basis.
Transporter shall make reasonable efforts to update the reservation posting to reflect material changes in the
expansion project up to the in-service date of the expansion project. The reservation posting shall also
include a non-binding solicitation (or reverse open-season) for turnback capacity from Transporter's existing
shippers to serve the expansion project, provided that Transporter shall post the non-binding solicitation for
turnback capacity no later than 90 days after the close of the expansion project open season.
(j) Future Sale of Capacity Procedures.
(i) Transporter may conduct an open season to sell the following types of capacity with a
service commencement date that begins immediately or at anytime in the future: (1) any unsubscribed capacity;
(2) any capacity under expiring or terminating service agreements where such agreements do not have a right of
first refusal or shipper does not exercise its right of first refusal; or (3) any capacity that becomes
available due to modification, construction, or acquisition of facilities in accordance with the Commission's
blanket certificate regulations (collectively "Available Sale Capacity").
(ii) If Transporter conducts an open season, it will post notice of availability of the
"Available Sale Capacity" on its EBB for at least five (5) Business Days to afford all potential shippers an
opportunity to acquire the capacity. Any potential shippers wishing to acquire the "Available Sale Capacity"
may participate in the open season and may request an immediate or any future service commencement date.
Transporter will award the "Available Sale Capacity" on a net present value basis consistent with Section
4.2(c)(2) of these General Terms and Conditions.
(iii) If Transporter sells "Available Sale Capacity" pursuant to this subsection (j) with a
future service commencement date, the capacity that has been sold will be made available to other shippers on
an interim basis up to the commencement date of the prospective firm transportation service agreement. The
provisions of General Terms and Conditions Section 4.2(a) - (h) will apply to the sale of capacity on an
interim basis. Where the requested service commencement date extends more than one year into the future and
the interim capacity would otherwise be eligible for the right of first refusal provided in the service
agreements and/or pursuant to General Terms and Conditions Section 4.1 governing rights of first refusal,
Transporter will limit the right of first refusal rights associated with that interim capacity commensurate
with the future service commencement date. If right of first refusal rights are limited, the transportation
service agreement will note the limitation.


text:
Hi Paniccu, It's so interesting to hear so many people with similar problems to me! And I thought I was a weirdo! lol. Yes, my first attack of tachycardia (which led to a panic attack) when I went to the ER I think was brought on by Excedrin. That used to be the only thing that worked when I got migraines. Now I usually just take a couple of ibuprofen and lay down in a dark, quiet room. It seems like putting a cool pillow partly over my head, like on my forehead helps, and also massaging and putting pressure on different points on my head/forehead/face helps. Also, keep laying quietly until a while after you think it's over, if I get up too soon, it quickly comes back. The heating pad is a good idea, sometimes I use one of those gel face masks that you can chill or heat, but it seems like those don't hold heat very long. They do go right over your sinus area which helps if it is sinus-related. Oh, almost forgot - I have used a product called MigraSpray (sp?) that I think is herbal, it is a liquid that you spray under your tongue. It seems like it helped to some extent, but it's been a while since I've used it. I'm not at home so I can't see what's in it. Good luck, hope your migraines improve!
And don't panic, migraines and headaches are very common, a brain tumor would be a very rare thing. It's like one time I had an eye infection and went to the eye doctor, worried that it was this virus that can cause blindness, and he said something like, "when you hear hoofs galloping, it could be a herd of zebras, but it's a lot more likely that it's horses", just to illustrate that just because something is possible, doesn't mean it's likely!
Hi Paniccu-
I suffer from chronic daily headaches and weekly migraines. I use Relpax, Esgic Plus (a narcotic), phenergan (antinausea) and aspirin. I'm also on some preventatives daily. If you yhink these are truely migraines, make an appt with a headache/migraine specialist/neurologist. They can help you diagnose and treat them. BTW, give it time to work. One person's cure may not work for another. I still haven't found that magic combination although there is a little, tiny light at the end of my tunnel. If I squint, I can see it. LOL! Hang in there.


text:
being our whole selves.
It has been an amazing weekend with 150 LGBT Jews at the Eshel Shabbaton. So much joy, warmth, hopefulness and inspiration.
The energy and joy of people who have waited a long time for the chance to be together. And I've met so many wonderful people. Just some highlights: I've participated in two workshops with Rabbi Steve Greenberg, prayed Shabbat morning with about dozen folks in a beautiful egalitarian minyan, and attended a workshop today on what halacha has to say about sex-change surgery.
Yesterday I acted in a play about Parshat Yitro (I was Elder #2, the boy who played Moses was 7, and the girl who played Yitro was only a bit older), and read a poem from Siddur Sha'ar Zahav at a talent show emceed by "Sylvia Sparklestein".
The diversity here, in terms of gender, geography, age, Jewish observance, etc. is remarkable. There are people here from all over the country and the world (London, Brazil, Canada). I did not travel the farthest to get here, but I am glad I came.
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
Comments are closed.


text:
API Technologies
View our standard product catalog or request a quote.
Tags: eis, magnetics, standard, industrial
Electromagnetic Integrated Solutions (EIS)
Linking to API Technologies blog posts is welcome. To request the re-use of this blog's content for use in trade journals, books, presentations, and websites, email email@example.com.
View our standard product catalog or request a quote.
Switch Mode Power Supply Ceramic Capacitors
API's Switch Mode Power Supply Ceramic Capacitors have lower Equivalent Series Resistance (Low ESR), lower Equivalent Series Inductance (Low ESL), lower ripple voltage, and less self healing when compared to other captive elements. These standard stacked Multi-Layer Ceramic Capacitors (MLCC) are ideal for high energy density products.
DC Link Film Capacitors
DC Link Film Capacitors are the ideal replacement for electrolytic capacitors. DC link capacitors feature a compact, cost effective design with high capacitance density and ripple current capabilities.
Metallized Polyester Film Capacitors
API's Metallized Polyester Film Capacitors are designed for general purpose applications such as bypassing, coupling or decoupling. These standard Metallized Polyester Film Capacitors can be used in both low and high impedance circuits, and are usually the smallest and most economical of the metallized capacitors.
Metallized Polypropylene Film Capacitors
API's Metallized Polypropylene Film Capacitors for sound and audio (F series), and DC applications (G Series).
Metallized Polyphenylene Sulfide Film Capacitors
API's Metallized Polyphenylene Sulfide Film Capacitors are ideal for applications requiring the high stability and low retrace of polyphenylene sulfide, and can be integrated into applications where Polycarbonate film capacitors are needed.
Polypropylene & Foil Film Capacitors
API's Polypropylene & Foil Film Capacitors are designed primarily for DC applications where RF and audio components are small in comparison to the DC rating. However, they have been used successfully in AC power applications as well.
Polyester & Foil Film Capacitors
API's Polyester & Foil Film Capacitors feature high insulation resistance, low frequency pulse discharge, and can handle high peak currents that are imperative for audio and power supply applications.
To view the entire standard industrial products catalog, visit eis.apitech.com/standard-industrial-products.aspx.
Tags: eis, capacitors, industrial, standard
API's standard power filters can be used in a variety of industrial applications including power generation, industrial fluid management, and AC/DC drives. The standard power filters product line includes Mini PCB Power Filters, Power Entry Modules, Power Line Filters, Single Line Filters, and Three-Phase Power Line Filters. With many items in stock and ready to ship, API can provide customers with quick turn-around times and reduced costs. View our new online standard products catalog or request a quote.
Tags: power filters, industrial, eis
API Technologies has introduced an online catalog of standard electromagnetic products for industrial applications. The catalog includes power filters and power entry modules, capacitors, and magnetics designed and manufactured with the same API quality as our custom products, with quicker turn-around times. View the catalog or request a quote.
Tags: video, eis, electromagnetic, power filters, capacitors
API Technologies' line of custom and specialty filtered connectors offer customers many advantages over those of our competitors. By focusing on increased reliability coupled with a decrease in component count, API's filtered connectors provide superior performance and quality while reducing costs. With manufacturing facilities in the US and the UK, API is able to shorten lead times and deliver filtered connectors to customers quicker and more cost effectively.
Learn more about API's specialty filtered connectors, request a quote, or contact us.
Tags: eis, connectors
API Technologies has been making ceramic capacitors in the USA for nearly 50 years. During those five decades, API has established itself as a leading designer and manufacturer of high quality, high reliability advanced ceramics, producing over 20 million pieces per year. Explore our ceramic capabilities, then contact us to learn more.
Learn more about API's ceramic capabilities, request a quote, or contact us.
Tags: ceramics
The SST line of security products includes customisable VoIP telephones that are made to meet the security needs of today's commercial or government workplace. Standard VoIP phones can be easily customised to meet the level of security necessary, including disabling webcams and requiring smart cards or CAC cards for phone access. TEMPEST phones that meet SDIP-27 and NSTISSAM/1-92 standards are also available and can be customised.
Learn more about our VoIP capabilities, contact us, or request a quote,
Tags: voip, secure
Infographics | Secure Systems & Information Assurance
Traveling Wave Tube (TWT) amplifier technology has several inherent limitations that are easily overcome by using the kind of state-of-the-art GaN Solid State Pulsed Power Amplifiers designed and manufactured by API Technologies. The benefits of utilizing GaN transistor technology over TWT include longer lifespan, decreased risk associated with infant mortality after long storage periods, and the elimination of multiple single point failure sources.
Learn more about API's GaN Solid State Pulsed Power Amplifiers or see them in person at Satellite 2015 in Washington DC, booth #2126!
Tags: GaN, amplifiers
RF/Microwave & Microelectronics
While many of API's competitors offer digital delay line options, they have several distinct disadvantages compared to API's analog delay lines. Cost, size, and weight can all be significantly lower with analog delay lines, while still offering higher MTBF (Mean Time Before Failure) rates and reliability.
Learn more about API's delay lines, request a quote, or contact us.
Tags: delay lines, analog
Powered by BlogEngine.NET 184.108.40.206
© Copyright 2018 API Technologies Corp. | www.apitech.com


text:
To print a return label for Reiman books, visit the web address images.reimanpub.com/CDS/BOOKS/BOOKMKTG-MRL6.pdf?pmco. It is important to note that visiting ReimanPub.com automatically redirects you to Trusted Media Brands website, TMBI.com. As of 2016, there is no direct link to a return label from any other site.
To reach customer service for Reiman publications, visit TMBI.com, call 1-800-310-6261, or email the company at firstname.lastname@example.com.
Another alternative to obtain assistance for returning Reiman publications, including books, is to visit the specific publication's website. For example, to return or alter a subscription to "Taste of Home" magazine, visit ShopTasteOfHome.com, click Customer Service from the footer of the site, and select your query from the list provided.


text:
Microsoft Access Contact Database
SysTools Microsoft Access Repair Database is a powerful Access recovery tool. It uses advanced technologies to scan the corrupt Microsoft Access databases (.mdb files) and recover your data in them as much as possible, so to minimize the loss in file corruption. SysTools Microsoft Access Database...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $69.00 USD
|Size: 2.89 MB
|Download (28): Microsoft Access Repair Database Download
mdb classes is meant to access Microsoft Access .mdb database files by specifying their filenames.mdb classes uses a Windows ADODB COM object to open the .mdb database. From then on you can execute SQL queries and retrieve the result set date like with any SQL based database.
Platforms: PHP
|License: Freeware
|Size: 10 KB
|Download (20): mdb classes Download
Kernel for Access is advanced tool to repair Microsoft Access file that accurately conducts MDB file recovery, so that user can get back the lost MS Access database file. This repair Microsoft Access tool recursively scans the corrupt Access files to recover every bit of recoverable data. This...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $199.00 USD
|Size: 921.6 KB
|Download (28): Repair Microsoft Access Download
4TOPS Mail Merge for Microsoft Access is the ultimate solution if you want to create Microsoft Word documents or emails using data in your Microsoft Access database. Documents can be created easily with any level of complexity (e.g. contracts). Selectively producing documents is as easy using...
Platforms: Windows, 2003, Windows Vista, 7
|License: Freeware
|Download (35): Mail Merge for Microsoft Access Download
Microsoft Access to MySQL database migration application is a cost effective and time saving utility for converting large volume record of MS Access into MySQL server. MS Access to MySQL converter supports all windows operating system like windows Vista, XP, 2000 etc. Professional MS Access to...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $45.00 USD
|Size: 1.38 MB
|Download (98): Migrate MS Access To MySQL Download
4TOPS Mail Merge for Microsoft Access 2007 (SP1) is the ultimate solution if you want to create documents (Word, Excel, PDF) or emails using data in your Microsoft Access database. Documents can be created easily with any level of complexity (e.g. contracts). Selectively producing documents is as...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $299.00 USD
|Size: 7.38 MB
|Download (120): Mail Merge for Microsoft Access 2007 SP1 Download
Invoices - MS Access Invoice Database Template. ***New*** Version 1.0 Now Available To Buy Developed for small service businesses, to print/email invoices and track payments. Your own Access database, without having to spend months starting from a blank screen. Can be fully customised and shared...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $225.00 USD
|Size: 4.39 MB
|Download (32): SimplyAccess Invoices: Open Source Download
Invoices Starter Edition - MS Access Invoice Database ***New*** Version 1.0 Now Available To Buy SimplyAccess.net Invoices Starter Edition - MS Access Invoice Database. Developed for small service businesses, to print/email professional invoices and keep track of payments. Can shared on a network...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $45.00 USD
|Size: 3.53 MB
|Download (31): SimplyAccess Invoices, Starter Edition Download
You have to develop a Microsoft Access Database that runs resources (Doctor, customers, equipments ...) and manage a schedule... ?Hereမs the tool for you ! A Microsoft Access Scheduler Database Template designed to save you time and help you learn.A Microsoft Access Scheduler database that...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $79.00 USD
|Size: 1.74 MB
|Download (29): MS Access Scheduler Template Download
KeyedAccess is an add-on module for Microsoft Access that handles product key/unlock code validation, giving you the ability to create secure trial/shareware versions of your Access applications, or to enforce monthly, 3-mo, 6-mo, or yearly software license renewal. Only a key provided by you...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $299.00 USD
|Size: 778.24 KB
|Download (36): KeyedAccess for Microsoft Access Download
Export Microsoft Access MDB to CSV is a utility created by FrontierDG.com. Using Export Microsoft Access MDB to CSV you can easily export data from Microsoft Access to tab delimited, comma delimited, or comma delimited with text qualifier files. Export Microsoft Access MDB to CSV can even export...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Freeware
|Size: 148 KB
|Download (100): Export Microsoft Access MDB to CSV Download
SimplyAccess Invoices is a Microsoft Access Invoice Database, developed for small service businesses who just want to enter, print and/or email professional looking invoices and keep track of when they are paid. In addition, you will have the possibility to share this software on a network...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Demo
|Cost: $40.00 USD
|Size: 3.5 MB
|Download (28): SimplyAccess Invoices Download
Mordor - Resurrection is a remake of an old RPG game named Mordor - Depth of Dejenol created by MakeItSo Software. It is created in Delphi with the aid of Microsoft Access as Database environment.
Platforms: *nix
|License: Freeware
|Size: 409.6 KB
|Download (17): Mordor - Resurrection Download
Recover Access Database - and recover Other files (recover Word documents, recover Excel spreadsheets, undelete pictures from camera, restore deleted videos from camcorder, unerase lost music from MP3 music player and computer).
Recover Access password - this Access password recovery...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $79.95 USD
|Size: 29.17 MB
|Download (88): Recover Access Database Download
Easy Invoicing UK is not a stock control Database, but a simple, easy to use, order processing and invoice application designed to work on the Microsoft Access 2000 (or higher) or Microsoft Windows platform. Ideal for Small or Home Business, a Group, Club or Society, or for those who run a...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Demo
|Cost: $19.99 USD
|Size: 1.94 MB
|Download (96): Easy Invoicing UK for Microsoft Access Download
Access Repair Toolbox is the market's leading Microsoft Access and Access database repair solution. It delivers a powerful, effective and simple step-by-step recovery utility which easily and effectively performs Microsoft Access file repairs with unlimited database sizes and includes the ability...
Platforms: Windows, Windows 7, Windows Server
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $27.00 USD
|Size: 3.05 MB
|Download (34): Access Repair Toolbox Download
MDB2PDF allows you to convert Microsoft Access database objects such as Reports, Forms, Tables and Queries to a PDF file format in a single click.
MDB2PDF uses the native engine of Microsoft Access 2000 to convert the objects to PDF. Therefore, the output PDF file should be identical to its...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Demo
|Cost: $100.00 USD
|Size: 8.49 MB
|Download (283): MDB2PDF PDF Converter Download
Kernel for access - recovers corrupted access database files corrupted due to unexpected system shutdown, virus attacks. During repairing process a complete scan of the all the damaged files is performed to locate and extract the recoverable information. After the complete scanning the files...
Platforms: DOS, OS/2, BeOS, Palm OS, Windows, Mac, *nix, Windows CE
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $49.00 USD
|Size: 1.48 MB
|Download (308): Kernel Access - Repair Corrupt Access Databases Download
Access Recovery Software is designed to recover and repair corrupted Microsoft Access database. This advanced database-repair program restores damaged Access files with following errors Unrecognized database format, Enter Password" (even though no password has been given)., The Microsoft Jet...
Platforms: Windows, Windows Vista
|License: Demo
|Cost: $129.00 USD
|Size: 2.3 MB
|Download (167): Stellar Phoenix Access Recovery - MS Access Recovery Software Download
Stop worrying if some databases of Microsoft Access format get out of order and it is not possible to get another copy of affected data, you may easily fix the corruption of MDB files by applying Access Recovery Toolbox. The MS Access repair service is easy to use, the analysis of corrupted...
Platforms: Windows
|License: Shareware
|Cost: $27.00 USD
|Size: 3.21 MB
|Download (119): Access Recovery Toolbox Download


text:
Bethanee Bemis
"The Benefit of the Doubt"
I believe in giving others the benefit of the doubt. This is probably a result of the number of times I have wished it was given to me.
When first learning to drive, I made a lot of mistakes. It took me a while to learn things like how much space to keep between other cars and myself and when to use my blinker. Sometimes, I accidentally cut people off, or overcompensated on a turn and swerved a little bit. Then, when I got my first stick shift, I would often stall out at stop lights, meaning that I would need to restart my truck before I could continue through the light, causing a delay of a few seconds and a lot of angry drivers.
Some people would retaliate for my causing these minor hassles by honking their horn, giving obscene hand gestures, flashing their high-beams, or even tailgating me.
When I made a mistake I would apologize profusely in my car, though no one else could hear me. Other drivers reacted under the assumption that I was being a jerk, because they didn't know that my intentions were not to inconvenience them.
I can understand where they were coming from. I get irritated at little things too: when another car steals the spot I was eyeing in the parking lot right from under my nose; when someone bumps me off the edge of the sidewalk and doesn't even acknowledge it; when it takes an hour after ordering to be served at a restaurant. But how do I know that the person in the car in the parking really just didn't see me (and was utterly unaware that I was heading for that particular spot)? Or that the lady on the street isn't in hurry to get home to a sick child and that her mind isn't already there, and not on less important details such as the people around her? Or that the waitress at the restaurant hasn't been working a double shift, and waiting more than her usual share of tables?
The answer is that I don't, just like the people in the cars around me didn't know that I was only doing the best I could as I was learning. Being on the receiving end of angry reactions taught me not to jump to conclusions about others if I don't know their situations. So I don't get angry when people cut in front of me in traffic, forgive the guy who steps on my foot without an apology, and don't make a fuss if the waitress doesn't get my order exactly right.
So if I'm stuck trudging along behind you while you drive 30 miles per hour where the speed limit is 50, don't worry about it. I won't curse you, tailgate you or lean on my horn until you pull over in frustration, because maybe, just maybe, you have a really good reason for doing so.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.


text:
Plants lover always look for distinct types of plants for their home or office. If you are among them, and seeking screening plants or shrubs then you may get plenty of ideas. Most plantings end up with one or more trees missing. In some cases the property owner may try add or replace the missing tree; however the match is seldom great. Tree rows are a desirable addition to any property, but if not planted correctly can be a disappointment and eyesore.
Rather than planting a formal row of either Italian Cypress or any other species, think about planting a blend of various trees and bushes. By picking a blend of plants, you will protect your screening shrubs from becoming the victims of one type of insect or disease. A blended planting additionally builds the biodiversity in your environment for by hosting beneficial insects. By drawing in these beneficial insects, you may find that they effectively keep the populations of pests at bay. A formal, straight line planting is hard to achieve and frequently won't meet your objective of screening as quickly as you would like. Consider other options for formal planting lines, including a more natural looking group planting technique, or different stunted row plantings.
If you are looking to buy plants like Japanese maples for screening, then the best option is to purchase them online. There are many leading stores that offer a wide assortment of screening shrubs and plants for your garden. For those who are confused about where to buy these plants and shrubs, Vivero Growers are highly recommended. No matter in which corner of Austin you reside in, you can get all kinds of plants under one roof.


text:
Storyworlds Bridges Stage 11 Standing Tall 6 Pack - STORYWORLDSPhilip Wooderson (author)
Mixed media product 32 Pages / Published: 01/10/1999
- Not available
"Storyworlds Bridges" is a range of stories designed to help develop more fluent Year 2 readers and maintain their enthusiasm for reading. They challenge more confident readers by: introducing them to stories by significant children's authors; helping them to realize their full reading potential; and preparing them for the challenges of Key Stage 2. "Storyworlds Bridges" can be used for guided or independent reading. This pack presents six copies of the title "Standing Tall", which supports stage 11 of the series.
Publisher: Pearson Education Limited
Number of pages: 32
Weight: 420 g
Dimensions: 240 x 158 x 22 mm
You may also be interested in...
£6.99 £5.99Paperback
Please sign in to write a review
Sign In / Register
Not registered? CREATE AN ACCOUNTCREATE A plus ACCOUNT
Sign In
Click & Collect
Simply reserve online and pay at the counter when you collect. Available in shop from just two hours, subject to availability.
Thank you for your reservation
Your order is now being processed and we have sent a confirmation email to you at
When will my order be ready to collect?
Following the initial email, you will be contacted by the shop to confirm that your item is available for collection.
Call us on or send us an email at
Unfortunately there has been a problem with your order
Please try again or alternatively you can contact your chosen shop on or send us an email at


text:
Roland Emmerich: No truth in Anonymous
Roland Emmerich says his latest film 'Anonymous' is completely his own interpretation.
The 55-year-old director - who is known for working on action movies 'Independence Day' and 'Godzilla' - uses the historical drama to advance the theory that it was the Earl of Oxford, Edward De Vere (Rhys Ifans), who penned legendary English playwright William Shakespeare's (Rafe Spall) works.
He told Collider: "You cannot make a historical film which is accurate or the truth because how are you supposed to do that? It's only interpretation, so it was my interpretation of the time and my interpretation about what happened. So is it the truth? No, never.
"Every movie is the same in the way. This was more like a dialogue piece and there's not much action in it but it's a fascinating movie and I tried to open it up. I wanted to portray the city of London."
The film is set against the backdrop of the succession of Queen Elizabeth I, portrayed by Vanessa Redgrave, with her daughter Joely Richardson playing the younger version of the monarch.
The 74-year-old actress found it "fascinating" to play the royal, particularly because the queen had a romantic interest in younger men when she was growing older.
She said: "She's a very interesting person. She was extraordinarily beautiful and striking looking as a young woman, but I'm playing her as an older person, which is fascinating.
"And of course, even as she was growing older she was still falling in love with younger men, which is always an interesting dynamic."


text:
Loadcell Supplies manufactures a wide range of loadcells and bulk weighing equipment. Loadcell Supplies manufactures the following ranges of loadcells; standard shear beams, summing boxes, stainless steel low profile compression equipment, S type loadcells and stainless steel shear beams. The summing boxes manufactured by Loadcell Supplies are suitable for 3 to 6 loadcell connections. The summing boxes supplied by Loadcell Supplies come with timpots and dipswitches. The summing boxes from Loadcell Supplies are suitable for 4 and 6 wire loadcells. Loadcell Supplies manufactures a range of customised loadcells and scales suitable for special measuring applications.
The front end loaders manufactured by Loadcell Supplies are available with electronic weight indicators and stainless steel pressure transducers. The platform scales distributed by Loadcell Supplies are available with shear beam loadcells and summing boxes. Loadcell Supplies provides installation, support and maintenance services to its clients with weighing and digital measuring needs.
Loadcell Supplies provides design and support services for a range of spreader trucks and electronic weight indicators. The spreader trucks manufactured by Loadcell Supplies are available with loadcells and swivel feet.


text: Martin Saddlery teamed up with 2 Time World Champion Dean Gorsuch to design the Steer Wrestler. This saddle has carried several of the PRCA's top cowboys, like Jason Miller, to the pay window. And it helped Dean win the 2010 World Title. The Steer Wrestler comes standard with a 7" gullet to stay low and close to the horse's back. For the cowboy, the refined elements of this saddle offer competitive advantages in a sport where tenths of a second determines who becomes the champion.


text:
Because of your generosity, the Turn Up the Heat Campaign was a success! We exceeded our goal of $15,000 and raised enough funds to cover the Love Your Neighbor Coalition Coordinator's salary and expenses from July 1-September 30 - and we've received good news from funding partners that we can continue our work on the Coalition at least through October 1 of 2015!
Campaign Donors Through October 1
Affirmation: United Methodist for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns
Chip Aldridge
Michael I. Alleman,
Logan Alley and TC Morrow
Adelaide Amman
Carol Berman
William Allen Bingham
B.J. Birkhahn-Rommelfanger
Faith Buss
Joy Butler
Richard Capron
Jimmy Creech and Chris Weedy
Rowland and Janice Curry
Janine DeLaunay
Darlene Di Domineck
Thomas Douce
Kory Douglass
Carolyn and George Engelhardt
Anne and Bill Ewing
Harlan Graber
Barbara Goodman
Barb Gurtler
Youtha Hardman-Cromwell
Betty Henderson
Alison Hendley
John Hopkinson
David Hosey
Marion Hosey
Russell Husted
Linda Kastning
Mary T. Larson
Charles H. Lippy
Walter Lockhart
Wendell Luke
Maurice S. Luker
John Lurvey
Deborah Maria
Bishop Calvin D. and Velma McConnell
MFSA Chapter, North Carolina
MFSA Chapter, New England
MFSA Chapter, Central Texas
Nancy L. Miller
Lisa Mink
Bert Morris
Greg and Karen Nelson
Jenny Phillips
James Preston
Mark Richardson
Ben Roberts
Rex Romeiser
John Ryder
Hannah Senft
Ellen Shaner
Patricia A. Sheely
Lee M Shrader
Shannon Sullivan
Morris Taber
Mary Kay Totty
Cynthia Tuell
Rebecca Vardiman
Carole Vincent
Sally Watkins
Sally J. Weinland
Barb Werner
Ralph A. Williams
Vicki Woods
Linda Worthington
Laura and Kevin Young
Charlene Zuill


text:
This Tutorial is about How to pair the right eye makeup with Red Lipstick. Now I know a lot of people get lost on what colors to use on the eye's when wearing red lipstick because it can either be over kill or just too muted for the eye's. This will be a neutral brown eye with highlighted areas that will make your eye's look beautiful and sexy without being too bold or clashing with your red pucker :)
You know the old rule "Let one feature take center stage at one time"? Well no one ever said that other feature couldn't look sexy as h*ll playing back up! LOL
Here is a list of the products I used to achieve this look
1. Sephora Color Palette in 52 shades. It contains 32 eyeshadows, 16 lip colors, 3 blushes and a bronzer (24.00) ♥
2. Loreal HIP Cream eyeliner in Black (10.00)
3. Maybelline Matte eye shadow in Earthly Taupe (2.74)
4. Cover Girl Lash Blast Mascara in Very Black (6.00) ♥
5. Sonia Kashuk's Full Glam lashes (4.95) My Favs ♥
6. Urban Decay eye Primer- Not featured in pic
Basic Eye Shadow Brushes
-Eyeliner Brush
-Fluffy Brush
-Crease Brush
Mac's 217
Blending Brush
Step By Step
1. Apply eye primer to entire eye lid and brow bone
2. Take your fluffy brush and your Earthly Taupe eye shadow (or any matte skin colored shadow that blends in with your skin tone) an go over entire lid with it- From your lash line
to your brow bone.
2. Take #1 from The Sephora Palette (Shimmery White/Beige) and add it to your inner eye lid area and stopping in the center- Go around outer tear duct area with shadow also > This will brighten up the eye and add a sexy sparkle ♥
2. Take #1 from The Sephora Palette (Shimmery White/Beige) and add it to your inner eye lid area and stopping in the center- Go around outer tear duct area with shadow also > This will brighten up the eye and add a sexy sparkle ♥
2. With your MAC 217 brush an #2 eye shadow (Light/Medium Brown Shimmer) to the outer corner of your lid, to your crease area and stopping at the inner pupil area (shown below) blending the white shadow with the brown shadow just in the center of eye lid.
3. Using your MAC 217 brush take #3 (Dark Matte Brown) and add it Just to the outer part of your V area.
4. Now take #1 again (Shimmery white/Beige) and using your crease brush, apply lightly to the brow bone, starting at the arch in your brow bone and with a wind shield wiper motion or even in tiny circular motions blend that line together. -Now you should not have to blend these colors too much because they are fairly light and you want to keep the colors separated, your just getting rid of any harsh lines. Your also going to want to take this color down to the inner tear duct area on up to the brow bone, This will really help open up those eye's
5. Now it's time for eye liner, I used Loreal's Cream Liner in Black and did just a basic close to the lash line application with a slight upward wing at the end (Nothing drastic) Just a soft upward line to lift the eye's up at the ends- Then take your eyeliner brush and eye shadow #4 (Matte Black) and lightly go over that eyeliner again- this will soften the look of the eye liner making it much softer and sexier, Then Curl your lashes and use Cover Girl's Lash Blast Mascara in Very Black-
If you are using falsies (Which I prefer) You will add those after your mascara :)
If you are using falsies (Which I prefer) You will add those after your mascara :)
Lipstick: Rimmel Lasting Finish Lipstick in Jet Set Red (5.00)
Blush: Mac Powder Blush in Blunt Matte (18.00)
If you are more tanned or Dark Skinned and prefer a darker shade of Red try Revlon's- In The Red Matte Lipstick (swatch shown below) next to Rimmel's Lasting Color Lipstick in Jet Set Red
I hope you all enjoyed this Tutorial,
All Comments and Requests are Appreciated- Thank you Glammie Gals and have a Beautiful an Sexy Day!♥ ♥ ♥


text:
OK, so now that my students – eyeball deep in story writing – have begun to bug me about writing my own story, I suppose I need to get started with the drafting. Been feeling guilty about not getting on this earlier.
Hoping it's not cheating too much to write it in free verse instead of prose. Who knows? Maybe I would do better to compose the story as poetry and then rewrite it in paragraph form.
It's scary, it's exciting, and actually…a little bit fun.
No title yet, but here is part one. Lots of revising to go. Thoughts? Questions? Challenges? I'd love to hear them! Write me a comment below.
June 14
I've had it.
If he ever
Leaves his underwear out in the
Middle of our floor AGAIN,
I say,
I will personally see to it
That they get hung out
In our front yard.
Be kind,
My parents say.
Be patient,
My parents say.
He's younger,
My parents say.
They aren't the ones who have to
Share a ROOM
With that human tornado.
June 15
This time it was my art stuff.
I know he was
Into it.
I know he was
Using it.
I know, because
I like my markers in
Rainbow order,
And the tips are all wonky now.
My paint brushes are layered
With a thin coating of
Little brother hand grime
And I will probably just
Have to burn them.
This stupid house!
Why do we have to live
In such a small, stupid house?
Sarah, they reply,
Anyone can have
A big house.
It takes a special family
To share a cozy one.
And stop rolling your eyes,
Young lady.
Tags: #100daysinlainieland, #the100dayproject, education, fiction, gifted, kids, learning, poetry, teaching, writing


text:
should Paula Deen take the weight???
[R]acism is no simple matter of top/down: it is bottom/up, in/out, port to starboard, and stem to stern. Opting to look at it as a unilateral project is to deny individual participation in its maintenance (i.e., reverse racism, inter alia) and risk becoming co-conspirators of oppression in all its forms: marginalization, disenfranchisement, discrimination, and dispossession across myriad social strata; to include, but not limited to: Indigeneity, disability, gender nonconformity, sexual diversity, destitution, et cetera, et cetera…
s/n: I have been asked (some time ago) if I was a white apologist/sympathizer, and I recall thinking "has this fool lost his ever-lovin' mind." But, no matter what my response was then, I'm certain he would today indict me on grounds of treason against every non-white person—expecting me to plead insanity—were he to read this response about "Momma Deen" (term of facetious endearment). Call her what you will; this woman was America's beloved icon of home and hearth before June 2013.
I digress…
Paula Deen was an easy target: her sins were revealed in their immediacy. The theatre of the antebellum South had merely changed actors and Paula was cast in the lead role. She was cooking in public and oppressing in private, that is, until she was "outed." Her performance was convenient for lambasting, but that enactment is a relic; it is more an archaeological discovery than an accurate portrayal of racism in its ubiquitous forms and functions today.
Moreover, thrusting Paula into the limelight insinuates the torrid notion of a post-racial society, one which, she alone so happened to desecrate.
But, in the same breath it took to convict Paula of "first degree oppression," there was, and remains, this active campaign to forego the absolution of individual 'participation in' and 'preservation of' the living, time-honored, cultural institution of racism and racializing rhetoric.
"We are easily shocked by crimes which appear at once in their full magnitude, but the gradual growth of our own wickedness, endeared by interest, and palliated by all the artifices of self-deceit, gives us time to form distinctions in our own favor." ~Samuel Johnson~
That said, and despite popular outcry, Paula Deen offered public repentance for the preservation and practice of her antebellum heritage. However, her appeals for forgiveness, falling on deaf ears, were regrettably interpreted as inauthentic, which begs the question: given Paula Deen's social identity as a white woman, with down-home syndrome, and upper echelon status, was she ever going to be received, and will she ever be perceived, as authentic and truly remorseful?
But whether she was—or was not—authentic in her capitulation is of no consequence to me. That is between Paula Deen and republican Jesus. My grievance is with the pundit's willful neglect to engage in remedial discourse.
This is no plea to exonerate Paula Deen. My argument is thus: Critique(s) and discourse(s) of racism need to be, first and foremost, listed amongst the ingredients included [within] the recipe for a cultural salve (read: medicine) meant to heal the malignancy of racism. Critique alone is insufficient for treatment and too many doses causes toxic levels of academic chauvinism; whereas, discourse alone, is no more than a cultural placebo (read: snake oil). Racism is far beyond a novel phenomenon, but 'prescriptions for healing' are as rare as men's birth control.
This "episode" was a prime opportunity to (I love this cliché) "come to Jesus" in an (inter)national conversation about racism, and what then can be done to find a cure for this affliction and the aforementioned modes of oppression. That is, of course, assuming, the underlying objective is to perform some holistic cultural healing. It's not just about whether Paula was guilty or not—it's about owning up to individual, self-stylized brands of racism.
While lighting a fire beneath Paula's feet…Individuals are encumbered by "rationalized deficits" of courage when it comes to the painstaking work of self-examination, bringing to light the "roles" each individual constituent of western civilization assumes in the theatre of a globalized antebellum.
'Every minute of every hour', waterborne vessels bearing containers, ripe with the matériel harvest of exploitation and disenfranchisement, breach impregnable boundaries of the US and its allied territories filling ports with all the luxuries that constitute Western civilization as it is today. Moreover, these containers, come also, solemnly-filled with lives and livelihoods folded neatly and packaged, ready for American consumption (on credit, no less, meaning: 'purchasing life' with no money down on a deferred payment plan, to be paid whenever, if ever).
The gist: "inconsistencies in critique of racism lead toward absolving individual complicity of racism and ultimately undermining genuine claims of racism" ~mourning son~
Should Paula Deen 'take the weight'—alone? The dissolution of racism requires a 'moving into one's self' to move toward an 'other self'. Reconciliation can begin, (again, assuming this is the intention of critique and discourse), through jettisoning hateful prejudices meant to buttress a false sense of self-worth vis-à-vis dehumanizing others, albeit, for the very same crimes (against humanity).
The scope of this blog post has been to emphasize the ineptitude of self-serving critique and the "placebic" effects of (re)activist discourse, which, both alone become racializing agents painting the color lines darker, driving the wedge of suspicion and fear that much deeper into the heart until cleaving communities in two. Racism has become an ostensibly normal and naturalized social behavior, making it all the more volatile, but no matter how well accepted it maintains a clear and present danger to the sanctity of all life.


text:
Download AIIMS Staff Nurse Admit Card 2013, Hall Ticket Syllabus, Exam Paper Pattern for Recruitment of 835 Staff Nurse Grade I, Staff Nurse Grade II, Assistant Administrative Officer, Librarian Grade, Assistant Nurse, Principal. AIIMS Patna Staff Nurse Recruitment Application was postponed on 24.08.2013.
Candidates who want to apply but unable to apply for any reason, Now can apply as the last date Postponed on 24.08.2013.
Candidates who have applied for this Post can check their (AIIMS Syllabus & Exam Pattern).
AIIMS Job Vacancy details :
Staff Nurse Grade I :- 231 AIIMS Staff Nurse Posts
Staff Nurse Grade II :- 600 post
Assistant Administrative Officers :- 01 post
Librarian Grade :- 01 post
Assistant (NS):- 01 post
Pa to Principal (S):- 01 post
Exam Paper Pattern For AIIMS Recruitment 2013:
Exam Centers will be in Patna and Exam duration will be 3 hours. Candidates can get maximum marks 170. There is no Negative Marking, Written Exam will be in objective type.
Syllabus for 835 Staff Nurse Recruitment :
Written Exam Syllabus will be made on the basis of General Nursing Syllabus and Curriculum Diploma in general Nursing.
The Basic Content of Syllabus are :
General Knowledge & Current Affairs
General Nursing & Midwifery Knowledge
English Language
Basic Computer Application
Candidates can see official notification for more details of Syllabus and Exam Paper Pattern.
Selection Procedure : Selection will be made on the Basis of Written Exam, Experience, Professional Skills and an Interview. First Candidates must clear written Exam and then Called for all Queries.
Click here to Download AIIMS Exam Syllabus


text:
How to improve speed running on Vista?
My vista home premium has a memory of x4 9650 2.3 GHz a Vega 9500gt, and 8 GB of ram.
When I am using it,it's very slow specially in games and daily use.
Which upgrade can I do to improve its speed? Or is there something wrong from Its OS?
Techy people comment here…


text:
Sandeep Singh joins Live Satellite Media as COO
MUMBAI: After his three-year stint with SAB TV as V-P Marketing, Sandeep Singh today joined the Atul Saraf promoted Live Satellite Media (I) Pvt Ltd (LSM), as chief operating officer.
Sandeep Singh has wide experience in media planning, buying and sales, having handled portfolios with RK Swamy/BBDO, HTA, ACNielsen, ORG-MARG, ETC and SAB TV.
LSM pioneered all-India and regional cable advertising and will now also be doing air time sales of its own television channel (which is in the pipe line) as well as other television channels, says Saraf.
To start with LSM will be selling airtime for Care TV. Care TV is the first health channel not only in India but also in South East Asia. Care TV is already on air with test signals.
LSM is also coming out with organised and innovative ways of cable advertising, which will have spot monitoring, says Saraf.


text:
Unlocking iPhone would leave millions exposed, Apple to tell Congress
In written testimony to the U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee released on Monday, Apple General Counsel Bruce Sewell reiterated the tech giant's stance that the FBI's request to help access the phone "would set a dangerous precedent for government intrusion on the privacy and safety of its citizens."
Meanwhile, in a statement prepared for the Tuesday hearing, Sewell said the public should understand that "encryption is a good thing, a necessary thing" even if it makes the work of law enforcement more difficult.
Apple and FBI are locked in battle over a warrant seeking to force the technology company to help unlock the iPhone used by one of the shooters in December's San Bernardino attacks.
Apple's refusal has set off an intense political debate about encrypted devices that provide "keys" only to users.
In his remarks, Sewell said Apple has been stepping up its encryption over the past few years.
"As attacks on our customers' data become increasingly sophisticated, the tools we use to defend against them must get stronger too," he said.
"Weakening encryption will only hurt consumers and other well-meaning users who rely on companies likeApple to protect their personal information."
Encryption helps preserve privacy around the world, he added, "and it keeps people safe."
Lawmakers and the public should decide the question of access to the locked iPhone, Sewell said, renewing Apple's criticism of the government's use of the broad 1789 All Writs Act, which offers broad authority to law enforcers. — Agencies


text:
Ryan's long lost love returns.
Updated August 22:
The August 22 episode came and went and no sign of Gillian. Soaps.com is waiting for confirmation on the correct air date for Esta to return, but in the meantime, Soap Opera Digest reports she will be seen on August 24.
Updated August 10:
Soaps in Depth reports that Esta TerBlanche will return as Gillian on August 22.
Originally reported August 1:
Pine Valley is getting awfully crowded with all the returns from the dead on tap. Even more room needs to be made now as Soaps in Depth has confirmed that Esta TerBlanche will be returning as Ryan's (Cameron Mathison) first love Gillian. It remains to be seen if she'll return as one of David's (Vincent Irizarry) Project Orpheus subjects or as a figment of Ryan's imagination, but since David performed the surgery when Gillian's heart was transplanted into Laura (Laura Allen), anything is possible.
There is no word yet on Esta's first day back in Pine Valley. While you wait for the many beloved vets to rise from the dead, get a look at the spoiler video of Leo's return.


text:
Published by neuropsychopharm in the blog neuropsychopharm's blog. Views: 427
I wake up to shattered glass and vomit on the floor of the motel room. Shallow cuts on my hand, specks of blood on the sheets. I don't know how I got here, how I paid for this room. There was a man! I remember. He must've taken care of it. I don't know where he went, can't even recall what he looked like. Must've scared him away.
And that's fine with me.
I try to recollect the details of last night. I see a broken handle of whiskey that explains the glass, the cuts, the pounding headache. I know Nico abandoned me on the side of the road. Where am I anyway? Just why did I break that bottle?
I feel hazy, confused, but lucid enough to know I need to escape before the damage is discovered. I put on my shoes, step carefully over the mess on the carpet. The smell is horrendous. I brush white dust off the bedside table, flush the empty bag. I hear a knock, maybe next door. Panicked, I grab my purse and dash from the room leaving the door open. I run outside, bounding down the sidewalk as if I know where I'm going. I check the time—late for lab. No wait, it's Saturday. Or Sunday? I don't know. Where am I going?
I stop. Do I call Nico? Will he come save me? I'm scared, alone, and full of twitching nerves. He answers the phone. "Yes?" He sounds terse.
"Where am I?"
"How should I know?"
"You left me. Why did you leave me?"
"You cannot be serious. Don't you remember anything?"
I realize I'm crying. "I'm scared, Nico. Please come get me. I don't know where I'm going, don't know what happened."
He sighs, is silent for several moments. "Did you wander off far?"
I look around. I can't recognize anything. I see no street signs, but don't want to move any further. The sun is burning my eyes, my skin. "I don't know. I don't know. Come, please."
"Don't you see anything?" he says, so frustrated.
"A bar. And I'm near a hotel…motel, whatever." He sighs again, air crackling loudly into the receiver. He tells me he'll find me. An hour later he does. I see the gigantic cracks in his windshield, and realize that is probably what I did that resulted in my abandonment. "Oh god, Nico. I'm so sorry." My eyes are welling up again, and I sniff back tears and mucus. "I don't know what I was thinking."
"I don't think anyone in the world knows what you're thinking." He glances at me for a second, then puts his eyes back on the road. "You look awful."
"I am awful. An awful, awful thing. I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel so…" I can't think of a word, a phrase, to describe just what's going on in my head. There is a darkness creeping into my mind again, negative thoughts swirling. They won't stop. "Is it the cocaine? I'm done with it."
"Good. And maybe, I don't know. Coke's never made me bug out like that, but you've been going pretty hard with it."
I rest my head against the passenger door, staring at the mess I've made of his car. I suddenly know—I feel like that window. Like something has broken inside of me, tearing through my psyche. It has to be the cocaine. I can't—don't want to—recognize it as something else. "That bag. You should sell it, pay for the window."
Nico laughs, pulling into his parking spot. "I think we should dump it. You can figure out another way to pay for the damage."
"He's going to come for me," I say, as the magnitude of my crime finally dawns on me. T could kill me. Would he kill me? "I have to leave, or he'll find me. Hurt me, maybe you."
"What are you talking about?" I shake my head—can't tell him, he'll be liable. I've put everyone I know in danger. What the fuck was I thinking? Where has my head been?
I need a drink.
Nico gets me a beer, allows me to stay the night. I don't sleep, instead spend the time packing everything into my car again. I can't put him in danger. I already have. Oh, the awful things I've done—my brain throws the memories at me like daggers. Where did this all come from? I feel I've lost control, the sudden plummet from the top of the atmosphere resulting in a spectacular crash in my head. I hear one thought clearly above the rest of the mess in there—you're going to die.
I'm going to die. I'm certain of this. And not in the way everyone knows, the way we all eventually meet our demise. My time is soon; I can feel the seconds of my life tick away with each heartbeat. You're going to die. I fell asleep in my car this morning, a few blocks away from Nico's. I check the time, the date. I'm late for lab, for real this time. I speed there, park illegally, run inside desperate to maintain my rock star status in their eyes. "You missed lab meeting," my professor says. "What's up?"
"I overslept," I say, the only thing I can think of. "I'm so sorry." I'm sure I look terrible, the same clothes I've had on since Saturday wrinkled, smelly. My hair is frizzy, out of control.
"You do look tired. Grab some coffee, we'll talk about the project." I follow her into her office, take out a pen and paper while she spits rapid-fire instructions at me. I was able to follow her, just a few days ago, but now I can't keep up. I scribble random words that I catch, nod along like everything is fine. "Does that make sense?"
"Of course," I lie. "I can handle it."
I go to my desk and want nothing more than to curl under it and hide, go to sleep. I just need to calm down, and everything will be fine. The grad student supervising me tells me he needs my help sacrificing. That's what we call it—sacrificing. We end the animal's life and scoop out its brain, all in the name of science. I feel queasy, but I help him. This was all fine a week ago. Watch the white rat heads plop into the sink, collect them and snip out the brain from the skull. The snapping bone, the blood running rose pink with the water from the faucet, the twitching body of the lab rat on the miniature guillotine—it's all too much. We trap the rats in an anesthesia chamber, the isoflurane gas making them spin and press against the walls until they plop, breathing slowly. I lift them from the bowl and he chop, chop, chops away at head after head. You're going to die, you filthy rat.
I'm rattled, completely. I visit my freak mice, press my hand against a cage while they sniff at the plastic. "I'm so sorry," I say, and I know they understand. I get the crazy idea to set them free—resist it. "It's for the greater good!" They squeak, fighting each other in the cages. I wonder if they're feeling the rage I feel sometimes, the crushing misery. It's sinking in, I can feel it. You want to die.
I wake up in my car again. I think it's the day I'm supposed to move into my new apartment, but my sense of time is all screwed up. I've been living in my car for a few days now. Agitated—it's the best word to describe the thoughts and energy running through me. I feel the stardust inside of me, feel my connection to the universe. It's a spiky, nervous feeling. I'm channeling too much of the cosmos, and I cannot handle all of the power. I need to harness it, to pull myself through whatever it is I'm experiencing right now. It's 2 AM, the clock tells me, and I'm laughing through tears. And I'm scared. I think everyone knows about the cocaine, am afraid to look anyone in the eye. They'll know who I am and they will tell T how to find me, and I will be dead. I want to be dead—you want to die—but not at his hand. I have to control this to the end. I close my eyes and see blood and rat fur stuck to the blade of the guillotine. I hear the crack of bone and it feels like my own neck cracking, my own brain being plucked out and examined. What would they find?
I pull out my phone, dial the last number that called me. It's Jeremy. I sob loudly as soon as he answers. "He didn't get to you!"
"Hey," he says softly. "Where are you?"
"You know I can't tell you that."
"Yeah, maybe you shouldn't," he agrees, laughing a little. "He's looking for you, you know. You're not still here are you?"
"I'm far away. From everyone I know, everyone I've hurt. I'm sorry, Jeremy."
He lets the name slide. "Sorry for what? I'm fine. I'm worried about you."
"My parents," I cry. "Are they gonna be okay?"
"Don't think he knows where to find them. You fucked up big," he laughs.
"Like I don't know that." I sniff loudly. "I know god," I say.
"You what?"
"I've found this thing you call 'God'. It's the stardust inside. The driving forces of physics propelling our lives forward. I feel it. It's scary."
"Calm down. Nothing to be afraid of, I'll—"
"Except my finish. But I'm not afraid of that either, really. I'm scared of an afterlife. I couldn't bear to go through this again." He starts to interrupt, but I continue. "One life was hard enough, but to suffer infinitely would be so incredibly unfair I'd kill myself a million times if I could. I will, if I need to."
"Cara, wait—"
"For what? Death? We're acquainted. Close friends, now. It's coming." People walk past my car. I stop talking. Jeremy is silent. When they're far enough, I continue. "I'm sorry for leaving. For everything I've done. I used you."
"Used me?"
"I've used everyone. Everything. The world was mine and I took it, crushed it, snorted it up. Everything is used up, and so am I." You're going to die. You want to die, filthy thing. "Oh my god, I can't do this. I have to go." I hang up before he can object, and start the car. The radio blares static, and it sounds like the familiar noise in my head. I switch the radio station, hear the singer communicating specifically to me, and just drive.
I look at everyone I drive past and feel a strange connection to them. I'm either afraid of or in complete understanding with every stranger I make millisecond glimpses at in high speed. Some are against me, and I have to rush by them. One honks at me as I cut in front of him and speed away.
Been driving in circles for hours. Still not tired. 6 AM. I pull into my illegal lab parking space, swipe my keycard like it's a magic wand and run into the building. The lights are still on at my desk. I must stay on top of my work, no matter how I feel. I pull my samples from the freezer and try to remember the next steps while they thaw.
Looking around, there are sharp objects all around me. They antagonize me—you want to die, you deserve this. I've always been afraid of sharp things, cannot believe the scalpels and razors I've handled during my time here. I don't dare close my eyes, knowing the rodent blood and gore waiting for me behind my lids.
Leaving the samples to perish, I exit the lab for the nearest bathroom. I am a monster, the mirror tells me so. I hear the thought repetitively. I see the mice cut open and pinned to a Styrofoam board, blood pumping out as formaldehyde pumps in. It's for the greater good, are we giving a depressed mouse what it wants? A release from the pain? I imagine myself trapped on the board, waiting for my insides to be cut out and preserved. They will play with my brain when I am done.
Who knows how long I've been staying in my car now? The last time I went to lab? Everyone is calling. I can't talk to anybody, don't even speak to the cashier when I pay for my liquor. It's afternoon, I know that much. I'm feeling quite nervous, sitting in the backseat, so I take a swig of vodka. Then another. I laugh to myself, warmth spreading through my chest. Another. I stop counting, then, and just drink. Poison the thoughts away, smothering them with a chemical blanket. I'm walking, I notice. Did I lock my door? Does that matter? A car horn honks. I'm in the middle of the street, apparently. I bow to the driver in thanks, keep moving.
I was going to finally return to lab, I remember. "Excuse me, where am I?" The woman ignores me. "Where is this? How do I get to—" He brushes past. "Will anyone listen? I'm very late. I need to be somewhere, and I don't know where I am." I step into the street again, stumble. Two teenage boys stop, help me to my feet. I smell like a cloud of ethanol. "Please help me," I say. "Where am I?" One points to a street sign. I clap my hands, hop down the sidewalk.
"Excuse me, ma'am." He touches my arm. "You feeling okay?" I don't know if this cop knows what happened. If he's a good or bad guy, if he'll turn me into the law or to T. But I can't stop myself from speaking.
"It's the stardust," I explain. "It's keeping me up at night, and now I'm a mess. There is neon blood flowing through my veins—" He mumbles into his walkie. "No, you're not understanding."
"Tell me again," he says, guiding me to his car. Alarms ring in my head, but he says he's listening so maybe he'll understand.
"There's this star stuff inside. Of me, of you. Mine is burning bright. I'm being haunted. And hunted." The carnage pops into my mind again. The rat's head rolls into the sink. The ketamine killed him. Dead gray eyes. I'm in the cop's car, and his partner is asking my name.
"It doesn't really matter," I'm saying, but he has my bag. He finds my identification, and I'm prepared for my execution. "Are you going to give me to him?"
"We're going to call your family," partner cop says. "Get you somewhere safe, okay?"
"Nowhere is safe," I tell him. I'm trapped, fooled into this car cage by kind eyes. "Please let me go." They don't. I'm ready to die, and scared out of my mind at the same time.
We're in front of a hospital. Both policemen escort me into the ER, one guiding me with his hand on my shoulder. "We've got a potential 5150 here," I hear the other say to a nurse.
"What's the story?" she asks, smiling at me. I open my mouth, but the cop touching me interrupts.
"Found her a few blocks from here. She's drunk, for sure, but I think something else is going on."
"I'm not drunk," I laugh. "You haven't seen me drunk. You see, I had just a little bit. To calm down. Everything is a mess right now." The tears are flowing again.
"She was mumbling something about stardust inside of her. Seemed paranoid, distressed."
I look at the nurse's ID badge and realize I know where I am. "This is my hospital! I work here!" They keep talking about me like I'm not there. "I go to school here, I work in a lab in this medical center. It's where I was trying to go. I have to get back to my lab, to the mice." Ignore.
"We'll take care of her," the nurse says. "Cara? Is that how you say it? Would you like to come with me?"
"No, I have to go," I wail. She nods. The cops strong-arm me down the halls, to the psych ward, into a room. They wait with me for years. No escape. "Please," I'm crying. "Just let me go. I'll get it together."
A doctor in a spotless white coat enters. She's grinning at me, and it looks mean. I cry even harder. "What'd you bring me today?" An awful, awful thing. That's what they brought you. I want to die.
The cops explain the story again, as the doctor walks over to me. "I'm Dr. Garland." She gently touches my knee. "What's going on? Why the tears?"
"I'm not supposed to be here. I've made a huge mess of this." I stop crying. Try to look normal. My smile is wide. "Please. This is a misunderstanding. I was trying to tell them about how we're made of stars, and some burn brighter and harder than others but the collapse…" I lose my train of thought when I realize what her face is communicating to me: you're crazy, it's saying. "I'm fine, I really am."
"Here's the deal," she replies. "Why don't you stay here with us for a little while, instead of going with them and being booked for public intoxication? Just sleep it off with us."
I feel defeated. They're never letting me out of here. I let the nurse draw blood and listen to the doctor tell me they're going to run a few labs, make sure everything is okay. I watch the blood fill the glass tube and begin to weep again, reminded again of pain and death and tiny mouse brains. "It's going to be okay," the nurse tells me.
"Nothing will be. Ever again. I can feel it happening, deeper than before." But she's already walked out of the room. I curl up on the uncomfortable bed and spend hours, maybe, staring at the wall. Just sleep it off, and they'll let me go. But I can't fall asleep. My mind won't allow it, and it's out of my control now.
I stay up through the whole night. Different nurses come to check on me. They ask if I want something to put me to sleep, and I refuse. In the morning, Dr. Garland comes back, with a scared seeming, younger looking doctor next to her. "Good morning!" She's entirely too happy, and I want to slap it out of her. "This is Dr. Marshall, my resident. He's going to sit in on this interview, is that alright?"
"I don't have anything to say. I try to tell people things all the time and they never listen. How do you think I ended up here?"
"Right, of course. I'm going to listen though, okay? You mentioned stars yesterday. Are they significant to you?"
"Significant to us all," I reply. "I'm so full of their energy right now. It's overwhelming, really. I can't stand it."
"You feel sort of restless? A little agitated?" I laugh, but the tears have already started again.
"Agitated. That's exactly the word I'd use. Everything is spinning, not like I'm drunk…just like, I can't keep up. I've cracked a bit."
I wave my hands in the air, hop off the bed. "Everything was fine! Then suddenly I couldn't do anything anymore. All I want to do is…" I can't tell her that. Then they'll lock me away for sure.
"What is it you want to do, Cara?" I sit back down and shake my head. "Are you thinking about hurting yourself?"
I figure they must train you in telepathy when you're learning to be a shrink. Or maybe the aura of death surrounds me and she can sense it, see it on my face, read it in my eyes. "It's all I can think about."
"Walk me through yesterday. What was going on?" I tell her about the nerves and the vodka, about how I was just trying to find my way back to lab. Then it all comes spilling out. I disjointedly tell her about Jeremy, about Nico, about the cocaine and T, about the death and despair I sense when I close my eyes, about how wonderfully graduate school started out, about how I just want to be back home, dancing with Anna and feeling on top of the world again.
"It was a beautiful summer," I sigh.
"I can imagine," Dr. Garland says, nodding. Her resident seems fascinated, if still a bit frightened. They're both taking notes.
"You can just crack open my skull," I say. "And find the answers there because I have none. I couldn't tell you what went wrong. Everything was fine until it wasn't."
"How's your sleeping been? I've been told you were up all night."
"I sleep when I can. I was going without it for a good bit."
"Ever get the feeling your thoughts are racing? Just too fast to keep up with?" I nod. "Is it worse when you're feeling really good?" I nod again. My education tells me where she's going with this, and I don't like it. She asks about prior depression, and I tell her about the meds and the hypomania. The resident nods sagely. They think they've figured me out.
"You're clearly not feeling too well right now," she says. "Why don't we see if we can help you out with that?"
"You mean medication."
"That's right. Let's just give it a try, shall we?"
I grab my head with both hands, pull at my hair. "There's no way out of this, is there?" They say nothing. "Do you promise to help me?" I ask after a few minutes. She promises, and exits the room. A nurse comes back with a cup of pills. I swallow them without water, curl back up into a ball on the bed. I'm feeling woozy, after a bit, and know I'm being chemically restrained. I welcome it.
"Good morning, sunshine," the nurse greets me. Is that sarcasm? I'm too tired to care. "How are you feeling today?"
My tongue is heavy, the message I'm trying to communicate struggles against its weight. "Drugged," is all I can get out.
She checks my chart. "You're on a pretty high dose anti-psychotic. Just to help put you to sleep until the episode passes." Episode, like a TV show—after thirty-minutes the storyline ends. If only my brain would move on so quickly. "Dr. Garland may lower it, if it's just too much for you."
"I feel all fuzzy," I say. "Like, I can't think of…words. The words I wanna say. How long have I been asleep?"
"About a day and a half. Your body had a lot of catching up to do, I imagine."
"When can I get out of here?" I examine the room, the pale green walls, an empty bed beside me. I cannot believe I am in a mental hospital, right now. The nurse calmly explains I've been placed on an additional involuntary hold, a "5250" she says.
"That means your treatment team has decided you need a little more time with us. Until—"
"I'm not a 'danger to myself or others'?" I know the protocol all too well, too learned for my own good. "I'm not going to hurt myself." It comes out of my mouth at the same time the thought returns—you want to die. I close my eyes, expecting the usual death and blood. But everything seems a bit clearer in my head, if only due to the muddling of my brain by the medication.
"We just want you to feel better," she says. "I'll let Dr. Garland know you're awake. She'll be able to explain a little more."
The doctor visits after a while, her coat still blindingly white. "Why do psychiatrists even wear the coats?" I wonder out loud. She laughs, sitting down.
"It's just so we feel important," Dr. Garland jokes. "But you have no idea, the kind of stuff that gets flung at us around here." She shudders a bit, imagining shit tossing psychotics I guess. "Nurse Johnson explained you'll be here just a tad longer, yes?"
"Yes. Why?"
She tells me I'm in the middle of a pretty bad mixed episode. "You're experiencing both manic and depressive symptoms right now. The racing thoughts, the suicidal ideation, feeling—"
"I know what a mixed episode is. I own the DSM." An eyebrow raises at that. "I used to want to be a shrink, you know."
"What changed your mind?"
I shrug. "Figured I was too crazy, after the depression."
"When did it first start?"
Another shrug. "Maybe back in high school, even. Didn't get bad until college, around sophomore year. That's when I started the pills."
"And why'd you stop?"
"I felt fine! I just didn't feel like one of those people who needed to be on it for life, you know?" She nods. I look to the ceiling, trying not to cry again. "I know the first try made me 'hypomanic'," I say, finger quotes and all. "But the second one was fine. It cured me, so I stopped."
"It's the nature of the bipolar beast, to tell you you're fine."
"Bipolar," I repeat. "I just don't think it's that serious."
"Depression on its own is serious, Cara."
"I know," I sigh. "But bipolar? That's crazy. Like bag lady crazy." Dr. Garland shakes her head. She explains it's a disorder that comes in many colors and flavors, a chronic condition that can be managed.
"Like diabetes," she says. I laugh. They always compare it to diabetes. "From what you've told me you've been pretty manic all summer. You're cycling now, the pure depression was probably next."
"So okay. Mixed episode, whatever. Why do I have to stay here?" She tells me they just need a little more time to make sure the episode passes while I'm still under their care, to figure out the best treatment options for me.
"We've got you on lithium and an antipsychotic right now, in order to treat the breakthrough episode. That may change as your symptoms recede…or progress."
"You're just trying to make me sleep until it goes away." Dr. Garland starts to speak again. "And that's fine! I'm just calling you out." She smiles, shaking her head.
"You're a special girl," she says. "We're going to take care of you."
And, like that, I believe her.
I spend two weeks, total, in the wards. I meet a man named Odysseus, according to him, who claims his mission in life was prophesized by the Gods. We become friends, chatting casually before and after the group therapy sessions, holding cups of decaf while he explains he was chosen to rid the world of evil through his manifesto, which he had been trying to disseminate through radio and television, in pamphlets to strangers on the street. "That's how they found me," he says. "The evil forces brought me here, trying to fight off my good. The fucking cops, man—"
"They're not on your side," I nod.
"Exactly! I see you understand." I don't, but I nod again, always nod when he's talking to me.
I call my parents. They tell me they're flying out to drag me back home once I'm released, and it takes everything in me not to tell them a drug dealer is after my head. But then I speak to Jeremy, who tells me he's paid part of my debt and T isn't even trying to kill me. "So chill," he says. "But you owe me 580 dollars," he laughs, "At least."
I talk to Anna, and she can't help but sound vindicated. "I knew something was wrong." I roll my eyes. Like she can see me, she says, "But I'm glad you're okay. We were so worried."
The drugs make me feel a little blunted, my mind not as sharp as I thought it was the past couple of months. Dr. Garland removes the lithium from my treatment, adds a different mood stabilizer. The dark, depressing thoughts lift. I notice how quiet it is in my head, no longer sensing the impending doom and bloody, gory thoughts. It's the strangest thing, hearing nothing but linear thoughts in my own mind. Finally I can concentrate on one thing at a time, no longer totally distracted by everything around me, having to pluck out one coherent thought to communicate.
I see pain and grandiosity like I've never even pondered amongst the halls. Individuals suffering from a multitude of disabling mental illnesses. Some of them, Dr. Garland says, are treatment resistant. Banished to a life in and out of mental hospitals. I'm lucky, she says, they caught it early. My prognosis is good, as long as I listen to the professionals. She warns me not to believe the part of my mind that says everything is okay and not to trust the doctors. "This is treatable. You can go back to your life, in time." I notice she doesn't say normal, never normal. What is normal, anyway? I thought I knew, maybe I just wanted to feel like mania was normal. Who wouldn't want to feel at the peak of their existence, like they were totally in control of their life and the world?
I sit in the backseat while my parents drive me all the way back, pressed into a small corner by all of my belongings. My school granted me a year's medical leave, when I'm supposed to get my shit together I guess. The thought still lurks in my head, that the 'professionals' are wrong and just don't understand the world like I do, but the medication calms me down enough to think somewhat rationally about my beliefs and actions. They don't help the guilt I feel over my summer trip in madness, but Dr. Garland says that will come in time. I'm trying to believe her. Watch the miles pass on the highway, exit by exit.
I don't know what I'll return home to, what tricks my mind may play on me in the future. It's disturbing, knowing a bodily organ such as the brain can turn against you at any moment like someone suffering from kidney disease. I still feel sedated, worn out by the medication. But I know the synapses are rebuilding, firing correctly, and find comfort in that. My star burned bright and collapsed just as powerfully, but the stellar remnants inside me have yet to finish their evolution.
You need to be logged in to comment


text:
I'm walking down the sidewalk. It's still cold, there is snow in places and I haven't felt this cold in nearly a year. I couldn't make it, I threw in the towel before day 365. Before I had to beg borrow and steal money from my parents. The last few hundred dollars bought my flight… Continue reading Chapter 16 – Day 352
Tag: original
Give Thanks
With this being Thanksgiving weekend and only two more chapters left in my novel, Not Me, I figured it was a great time for this post. I wanted to say thank you. Thank you to the people that helped me in this novel. They are beautiful artists in their own ways as well! Thank you… Continue reading Give Thanks
Chapter 15- But it Was You
The roads were icy, it didn't phase James. Not much phased him these days, he drove from work and back to his empty house day in and day out. No longer could he refer to it as his home, he had no wife, no step daughter, no warm cooked meal to come home to. Even… Continue reading Chapter 15- But it Was You
Chapter 14- Day 308
I woke, the car was cold and off. It had run out of gas and I was half drunk sleeping in the middle of a frozen provincial park. Just as I had feared. But it wasn't that bad. I called BCAA, requested a jerrycan of gas and I was back on my way. And there… Continue reading Chapter 14- Day 308
Chapter 13- Day 301
It's like coming to, after a long sleep. One that your eyes have been open for but you really do not recall much. I don't recall how I got here, where I am heading or what my future goals in life were. I don't recall where I rented this car from, it smells musty. Of… Continue reading Chapter 13- Day 301