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Library >> Browse Articles >> Maternity
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Pharmacology Update: Medications During Pregnancy and Lactation
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One girl's twistedly fantastic interpretation of what the hell is really going on in those tribes.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
A Diarrhea-Fest
As legend has it, the first vanilla orchid grew out of a forbidden and passionate love. When the Totonac Princess Xanat was forbidden by her father to marry a mere mortal, she fled to the forest with her lover only to later be captured and beheaded alongside him. When the young lovers' blood hit the ground beneath them, the vine of the vanilla orchid grew. Exotic, sensual, milky... the scent of vanilla is not only prized and coveted, but known to drop grown men to their knees. The plant itself is a climbing flower that can only be pollinated by one very specific Mexican bee. Flitting from stem to stem, the Melipone bee visits and tickles each and every open dainty flower. Removing these flowers from their native land and thrusting them in the faces of strange subpar bees for mass production has proven unsuccessful. Time and again, flower after flower would wilt with sadness and longing before shriveling up and dying a sad and putrid death. So begins the plain and inferior production of artificial vanilla. Artificial. Banal, pasty, scraped from the pulp of papermaking wood, artificial vanilla lacks the exotic creamy heat of the original. It is born out of necessity, not passion. Look about yourself and you'll find it all around you - in air fresheners, lotions, candles, hand soap... reality TV. It is nowhere and everywhere all at once. Nowhere because it is expected, unappreciated, looked over, ignored. Everywhere because artificial is a way of life. The unremarkable a la mode of day to day. When something is everywhere it becomes invisible... like a phantom. Let's recap, shall we?
With the moon perched high and the sea lazily still, the Baklava (Bikal) tribe returns to camp after a night out with Dimples. Weary, spent, and droopy, the Baklavas move about in a slow silence until a ghostly slip of a girl makes an announcement... "I nearly peed myself." It was a quick comment carried away on the breeze. And when it was gone, no one thought about it again. No one wondered where it went or where it came from. It just was.
Corinne noisily plops her rucksack in the sand and apologizes to Gay (Michael) and Phantom (Julia) for having to vote out Duck Dynasty (Matt). She really liked ole Duck and it sucked to have to vote him out. Phillip Sheppard, Camp Fire Girl extraordinaire, elbows himself past Corinne to make an announcement. "It was a maneuver we had to make. The target had to be extinguished and the threat removed." He then turns to Gay and Phantom, "I, uh we, chose to keep the two of you. I'll be sitting quietly in the shelter if you'd like to be bring me offerings of food and whatnot as a thank you. Specialist out! Chichaw!" Gay, wrapping himself in a silky caftan, raises a hand in nonchalance, "No no no, no need to explain yourselves. We're like the Pointer Sisters - one happy family." Corinne, sensing the rest of her tribe might catch on to exactly how delightful Gay is, snatches him away for a whisper sesh in the shelter. While Corinne is confiding in Gay about how she wants to take him shopping and throw all sorts of Asian fusion dinner parties with him while they're here in Caramoan, Phillip sits high up in a nearby tree looking through a pair of "binoculars" - two hollowed out pieces of bamboo held together by chewing gum and string - and tuts to himself with disapproval.
After his branch breaks and his "binoculars" crack in half, Phillip somersaults his way over to Cochran in hopes of crafting a new tactical maneuver. "I want Corinne gone," he announces. Cochran replies, "Not next though." Phillip nods yes and confides that he does not want Corinne making it to the Merge. And this is where Cochran does what Cochran does best - he keeps the peace talks in motion and gently quells Phillip's bubbling anger with some Cheerios laced with Benadryl in a ziplock baggie. Cochran then gently and effectively warns Phillip that if they vote off one of their own right now, it will look like a hostile attack to the other Favorites on Goiter (Gota) come Merge time. Either Cochran makes sense to Phillip or the Benadryl is kicking in because Phillip softly mumbles, "Federal Agent" before rolling over and snoring into the sand while a half stuck Cheerio hangs off the edge of his nose. Yo Cochran, have you ever considered working for the U.N.? The DPKO (Department of Peacekeeping Operations) is looking for a few good men to send into wartorn Congo. Take your little baggie of magic Cheerios with you and you could save the world, my friend.
With a new day of promise before them, the Baklavas excitedly read the latest Tree Mail...The strong must bear the weak if you hope to compete. The taste of victory today will be oh so sweet. Hearing the word "weak" within the message, Cochran gets a twinkle in his eye as he flexes his biceps. With his tiny fists and twig-like forearms he'll beat this Reward Challenge into submission, bitches! Phillip, too, is looking forward to the Challenge as he is a master Power Lifter and Arm Wrestling Champion of The World. Sure, he only lifts Nerf weights and arm wrestles his fellow Camp Fire Girls, but his upper body strength is always the talk of the Jamboree. From the outside, he may look like a half empty sausage casing, but that is merely a ruse. His muscles are hiding from public view - much like he does in his spy work. If they flaunt themselves out in the open in an ostentatious manner, then the bodybuilding industry will burrow its head in the sand and cease to exist.
Speaking of arm wrestling and all things buff, Phillip has some secret techniques he'd like to share to the world. Not being an arm wrestler myself and complete unaware of the bylaws of the arm wrestling industry, one might view Phillip's secret technique of stabbing his opponents wrist with a syringe filled with novocaine as cheating. Phillip scoffs at the accusations as he is simply playing by Prison Rules. Watch, he'll demonstrate on spindly fop Cochran.
"Come Cochran, have a seat. Oh look over there Cochran, it's a glassy-eyed tapier." *injects Cochran's bicep with muscle relaxant* "Ok, are you ready? One, two, three..." *grabs Cochran by the back of his hair and smashes his head into the table* "Go!" *pins Cochran's wrist to the ground* "I win! Chichaw! Don't mess with The Specialist!" And then Phillip moonwalked into a boulder and flipped over backwards.
And this brings us to the big Reward Challenge. Come on in guys! For today's Challenge, you'll be tied to one another in a giant chain gang as each of you carries a twenty pound sack. (Obviously, the twenty pounds in each bag is all of the "interesting" game footage of the season that the editors have chosen to ignore. "Go ahead and get it wet. We're not using it. We're going with the Buffoon Edit this year!") Starting on opposite sides of an oval course, you will race to catch the other tribe. If you get tired you can opt out by giving your twenty pounds of Hi8 tapes to anyone but Phillip. The first tribe to catch the other tribe wins. Wanna know what you're playing for? A visit to Starbutts where coffee, scones, muffins, cookies, croissants, biscotti, brownies and searching pouty golden lips await you. Survivors ready, go!
For the Baklavas, we have Phillip in front with Gay right behind him. The Goiters, on the other hand, have chosen to sprinkle their strong people throughout. We have Erik in front followed by Golden Boy (Malcolm) with Dame Reynold and his bustle in the back. Both tribes start out at a trot, but quickly decide that walking is the better move to make - at least until the old decrepit Baklavas begin to weaken. Even walking, the Goiters make impressive headway and begin to gain on the Baklavas. Corinne pleads with Phillip to start running so he trots a few steps and then announces that the girls in the group will get way too tired if the tribe continues to run. And by "girls", Phillip means "Phillip".
The Challenge continues on with the Goiters confidently speed walking with grace and power. Meanwhile, Phillip is splashing anyone who recommends they start running in the face with a handful of water. "Phillip, can we run?" *Splash!* "We need to start running." *Splash!* At one point, Gay just goes ahead and makes a power move with the rest of the Baklavas trotting behind him. Phillip begins to drift to the back of the line before announcing that he can't run now because when people begin dropping out of the competition, they'll all give their weight to him. *eye roll* In fact, Calgon (Dawn) does quit but she hands her weight to Corinne not Phillip.
Finally, the Goiters decide to go ahead and end this. Golden Boy is jonesing for a cup of java and now is the time for them to make their move. Like a group of soldiers, the Goiters trot in unison with shaggy poodle Erik leading the cadence...
I don't mind and I don't care!
I don't mind and I don't care
Phillip's in his underwear!
Phillip's in his underwear
We are young and we are strong!
We are young and we are strong
Thank God above it's not a thong!
Thank God above it's not a thong
One, Two!
Three, Four
Break it on down
One, Two, Three, Four
One, Two!
Three, Four!
The music begins to thump in anticipation as Calgon waves her arm frantically from the sidelines as she mimes the moves of a runner to her tribe. "Run-ning! They're running!" Cochran interprets it as a call to orange slices and Gatorade so he plops his weight around Corinne and runs to mama. Phantom either quits too or gets pulled under the water. Who knows? We can't see her. Is she even there? It is of no consequence though because those Goiters are ripping through the water with ferocity. With a long bony finger extended in front of him, Erik taps Phillip on the shoulder and... GOITER WINS REWARD!!!
Full of wonder and excitement, the Goiters are whisked away to the local Starbutts where a pleasure palace of sweet delights await them. Typically, I'd bitch about how these Survivors are too spoiled and not starving enough, but not today! Did you know that coffee is an aphrodisiac to our Golden Boy? *dims the lights* Bowm chicka wow wow! As the mocha goodness slides down Golden Boy's throat he begins to feel a stirring in his loins. A stirring so primal that it knows not of gender. All it cares about is doing the hiddidy dibbidy with anyone and everyone. *fills bathtub with espresso beans and dials Golden Boy's number*
Dame Reynold also happens to be feeling a little frisky. In fact, he's a Bacchanalian. Like that's a thing to be. Some people are electricians or pessimists or maybe even Christian, but not Dame Reynold. He's a Bacchanalian. With rings on his fingers and bows on his shoes, Dame Reynold sips on the caffeinated nectar and languidly waits for the magic of the moment to drip lazily over everyone. As a Dionysian myself, I can relate to Dame Reynold on a level that I hadn't been able to before. I have a new appreciation for the lacy fop and, dare I say, that I'm beginning to like him? When the word "Bacchanalian" drips off your tongue like it's an everyday thing, I think I have no choice, but to get carried away in the moment and invite you to all my future orgies, I mean, dinner parties for I too, in mixed company, will say ridiculous shit like, "I'm waiting for the Dionysian spell to begin." Welcome Dame Reynold. Welcome to the elite society of Survivors I don't hate.
Meanwhile, at Baklava, a different sort of festival is taking place. It is not a festival of sinful delights and hedonism, but rather a festival of whines, moans, and excuses. Refusing to look anyone in the eye, Phillip tells his tribe that he knew they'd lose as soon as he saw the Goiters all lined up. Their legs told him that his tribe would lose. Their giant and powerful legs with oars and fins strapped to them. Plus, they're younger. Corinne listens to all of this while giving Phillip the side eye. Phillip can make any excuses he wants, but Corinne is going to go ahead and blame that loss on him. Cochran, however, is concerned. It is in his, and the rest of the Favorites, best interest to hold onto Phillip for a little longer, but who knows what could happen. Looking around himself, Cochran can see that Gay is slowly trying to infiltrate the Favorites alliance via Corinne. And then there is Phantom. Ghostly and transparent. Is she here? Is she there? Is she even breathing? Cochran is tempted to label her with a vanilla personality, but, if you think about, vanilla is quite tasty. People like vanilla scented products and their pies a la mode. To call Phantom "vanilla" is surely a compliment to her exotic sweetness and that just won't do. Nothing about Phantom is exotic or sweet. She's just kind of blah, kinda there. She's a used up dryer sheet. You could have sworn you threw it away, but when you go to wear those freshly laundered trousers, you find her stuck to the pant leg. Only, you didn't notice her earlier and you went through your entire day with a dryer sheet stuck under your ass. That's Phantom.
No one in the world sees Phantom until it is too late. Everyone, that is, except for Phillip Sheppard. Phillip is quite smitten with the young Phantom and confides in her that he wants her to work for him as a double agent. The only caveat is that she must do everything he tells her to do and only reply to him with a "Sir, yes sir!" He sees spunk and potential in her that no one else sees therefore he'll put her through his rigorous training academy (The Babysitters Club) and teach her the ways of Mata Hari. "You will dance for me in a jeweled bra and plaits in your hair. The steps to the Fan Dance are an integral and complicated part of your training, but don't worry. I won Dancing With The Stars back in the 1980's and have moves that even Michael Jackson never heard of. Chichaw! You cannot tell anyone what I just told you though. If word gets out that I'm a phenomenal dancer, Cochran will battle me to a dance off and I wouldn't want to embarrass him." Julia nods slowly and silently. She would speak if she could. Maybe.
Over at Goiter, another unlikely duo is coming together. Golden Boy has decided that when the Merge rolls around, he could be in trouble with the other castaways. Being a strapping young buck never bodes well the further into the game you get. People tend to look at the bulging pecs and taut abs with disdain (and lust). If he can make a foursome out of the alpha males (Golden Boy, Dame Reynold, Theddie (Eddie) and Erik), then he just might have a fighting chance of making it to the end. His first target is the famous actress of stage and screen, Dame Reynold. Lucky for Golden Boy, the Dame likes to lounge in a tepid bath of lavender water after a night of Bacchanalian mischief making. With candles floating around him and cucumber slices on his eyes, Dame Reynold is delighted to have an audience with Golden Boy. His delight grows exponentially upon hearing exactly what it is that Golden Boy is offering. In fact, the Dame is so desperate for a successful ensemble piece to work on next (There are no small parts, only small actors.) that he blurts out to Golden Boy that he has a Hidden Immunity Idol in his skinny jeans. Upon hearing this, Golden Boy reacts much like he did back at Starbutts - he gets a total game boner and giggles uncontrollably. He can't wait to take control of this game. Me either!
Back at Baklava, Calgon is in the garden tending to her mums when she tells Phantom that she needs to talk some game with her. Phantom stares blankly before exclaiming, "Thank god!" Then, something interesting happens. She whips off her jeweled bra, takes the braids out of her hair and shoves the vial of Phillip's urine (secret ink) into Calgon's hand. Phantom doesn't know what Calgon's relationship is with Phillip, but she's sick of him! She's sick of smuggling things in her rectum around camp just "for fun". She sick of practicing her Fan Dance for the monkey family down the lane. She's sick of attending The Babysitters Club so she blurts out to Calgon that Phillip tried to make her a double agent. She assures Calgon that, while she's fantastic at crossing borders undetected, she's just not cut out to be a double agent. What if they join forces and overthrow Phillip instead? Calgon squenches up her face into a masterpiece of cocked eyebrows, crinkled noses and contorted lips before speed walking quickly over to Phillip and telling him everything Phantom just said. *throws a whisk at Calgon* Someone, anyone, take Calgon away!
Phillip listens to information that Calgon relays and decides that Phantom needs to go home now. She made a foo pop and I'm not exactly sure what that is - although it sounds really gross - but Phillip doesn't care for it. He has a long and illustrious history encountering foo pops. Foo pops were there when he stormed the beaches of Normandy and, let me tell you, you don't want to cross one when your britches are soaked and you just got kicked in the head by a parachuter. It is best not to get your hands dirty and simply send the foo pop home. I don't think Calgon knows what a foo pop is either, but she does agree that Phantom should be the next to go.
And this brings us to the big Immunity Challenge. Come on in guys! For today's challenge, three members of each tribe will paddle out into the ocean and then dive down to release a statue. You will then bring the statue back ashore and place it at the base of a tower. Then, three other tribe members will use a grappling hook to retrieve keys. Once you've collected all five keys, you'll unlock the tower and pull your statue to the top. The first tribe to get their statue to the top and release their flag wins Immunity. Survivors ready, go!
Calgon, Corinne and Gay are paddling for Baklava while Erik, Theddie and Mowgli (Brenda) paddle for Goiter. Both tribes arrive at the statue dock together and load the massive statues into their vessels. The Baklavas over tip over, but manage to save themselves in time and arrive onshore right after the Goiters. With Dame Reynold tossing for Goiter and Phillip tossing for Baklava, I think you and I both know how this will end. The Dame is an incomparable tosser. He has plenty of practice from his career onstage. He's thrown everything from gloves to porcelain figurines. And he does it with such flair! One stockinged leg in front of the other, toss! Toss! GOITER WINS IMMUNITY!!!
Back at Baklava, Calgon is trying her best to keep everyone's spirits up. She congratulates Gay for how well he did and hands out Rice Krispie Treats to everyone before going back to her ironing. Phillip, however, is shiftily staring at everyone and avoiding eye contact whenever possible. And when the time is right, he snatches Cochran into the brush with a grappling hook and tells him that he has a confession. Nervous Nelly Cochran's brain goes into overdrive wondering if those were Pee Treats he ate just a second ago. No, Cochran, those weren't Pee Treats. Calgon had those treats covered in a cloth gingham napkin and sitting safely on the windowsill until you guys got back from the Challenge. They attracted bears, wolves and sly foxes, but no urine.
Phillip's confession is that he could have totally won that Challenge... had he wanted to. Cochran chokes on the giggles marching up his esophagus and replies, "I knew you were going to say that." What I love most about this isn't the remarkably bad lie Phillip has just told, but the fact that he feels the need to impress Cochran every chance he gets. Earlier it was with the arm wrestling thing and now it is with his game acumen and ability to deceive. What a complete and utter foo pop. Cochran, however, is delighted. The level of delusion that Phillip operates on day in and day out excites the young lad. He likes a little razzle dazzle in his Survivor. A little jazz hands razzmatazz. Even better than that, he likes a good old fashioned lion story. Well, that's good because Phillip is about to compare himself to a wild-maned lion who killed his cubs. You wanna know why the lion killed his cubs? Because they were potential rivals. Chichaw! Razzmatazz!
Let us leave the land of fancy and return to the game at hand. So, the plan is to split the votes between Gay and Phantom in order to flush out the Idol if one exists. At the revote they will then vote to get rid of Phantom. The problem is that Corinne doesn't want to split the votes. Gay is gay and she is going to go to the ends of the earth in order to protect him. Having people write down his name on a piece of parchment paper - even if only in jest - makes her nervous and unwilling to obey. It also makes her open her giant trap and tell the others that she wants to play with Gay for the long haul. *smacks self in head* You never, ever, mention playing this game with someone outside of your core alliance when you're around Phillip. You just don't. Phillip is emotionally unstable and the mention of an asset from a different agency sends him into a tailspin.
Which is exactly what happens! Phillip, in all of his glorious paranoia, decides that they no longer need Gay and that they will get rid of him instead of Phantom tonight. Naturally, Corinne is having none of that and tells Phillip that they need Gay to win Challenges. *smacks self in head again* Is Corinne trying to get herself voted off? For someone who seems to have a level head, her playing is remarkably "off" at the moment. It must be Gay. The show tunes and Restoration Hardware catalogs are clouding her judgment. Personally, I don't have a problem with Corinne - not yet anyway - but I do question her judgment sometimes.
And this brings us to Tribal Council. We begin with Gay who admits to Dimples that it has been difficult to keep the tribe's morale up. He's been performing Penzance every night because, let's face it, Gilbert and Sullivan always lifts spirits. But instead of reacting favorably and gathering around the piano sipping gin martinis, the tribe is tense and cagy. Perhaps Gay should tinker with his piano arrangements some more.
Corinne then freely admits that the tension in the tribe stems from the Favorites not knowing which one of the Fans to send home. No one wants to make a mistake in the game being this close to the Merge. Phillip then commandeers the discussion and reveals that all of this is about "the process". Even though he and Corinne may not get along, they are indeed coconspirators working towards a common goal. That goal is successfully avoiding all foo pops that may stand in their way of total global domination. Naturally, Corinne has no idea what Phillip is talking about so she simply sits and nods.
And while we're on Phillip and because Dimples loves Phillip and this is The Phillip Sheppard Show, let's stick with Phillip and get his opinions on the Challenge. According to Phillip, he carried that statue out in the water all by himself which probably tired him out and kept him from tossing his grappling hook effectively. Keep in mind, Phillip wasn't out in the water! He was onshore yelling, "Row! No foo pops! Chichaw! Row!"
Alright, enough of this buffoonery. Let's get to the vote. By a vote of 3 - 3, we have a tie and by a revote of 85 to eleventeen (if you ask Phillip, that's his recollection of the vote and he's standing by it), Phantom Julia is the 8th person voted out of Survivor Caramoan. Since I don't think she even showed up for Tribal, someone kindly pass her a note and let her know she's free to go back to racing her hot wheels. Thank you.
So, what did you think of last night's episode? Do you like that Golden Boy is taking his destiny into his own hands? Will the Favorites reconvene peacefully during the Merge? Should Gay be playing tunes from H.M.S. Pinafore instead of Pirates Of Penzance? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!
31 comments:
- kristen sMarch 28, 2013 at 5:39 PM
I was just SO SO SO sure this weeks blog would be entitled "Foo Pa"..........ReplyDelete
The Dame is an incomparable tosser.ReplyDelete
From the Urban Dictionary:
1. tosser
Literally, one who masturbates. Common usage typically refers to anyone of whom you have a low opinion.
eckham's a fuck-useless tosser.
2. tosser
English insult.
Implies that the person masturbates excessively. Also see Wanker.
Hi I'm a Townie.
Awww, no mention of the 'tubby lunchbox' line? I think I almost wet myself when Corinne said that!!ReplyDeleteReplies
It was in my notes, but it didn't fit into my story. Sorry.Delete
- MirrorGirlMarch 28, 2013 at 7:09 PM
I nearly swooned when Golden Boy started kissing everyone...I want to tie him to my headboard and hand-feed him Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream dripping with Kahlua.ReplyDelete
Brilliant recap! I laughed myself silly. Thanks, Lala.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMarch 28, 2013 at 7:30 PM
I'm not certain that the Favorites will reconvene peacefully. You have Tubby Lunchbox and Cochran to contend with and I just don't honestly know how that will play out. What I do know is that I have a new found love for Cochran that just makes me giddy. Watching him listen to TL was delicious; the stifled giggles, the barely concealed disbelief, the post-debrief analysis. It was the first bit of good television offered by this abomination of a show (that I just keep on watching). TL and Cochran are comedy gold. Gold, I tell you.ReplyDelete
I am glad that Golden Boy is taking his fate into his own hands, but did the Fans watch the last season? I think that if they actually want to win they may not want to hitch their star to GB's wagon. He'll cut a bitch (or a fop, as it were).
Thanks for another wonderful recap!
- AnonymousMarch 28, 2013 at 7:45 PM
Since you don't seem to have an apt nickname for Cochran yet (or maybe I missed it?), might I suggest Conchran, since he always seems to enjoy sitting on that ridiculous half-shell rock?ReplyDelete
- Sir Ian McKellenMarch 28, 2013 at 7:51 PM
Young lady, for one who quotes Stanislavski and derives pleasure from references to Roman Gods, I am gravely disappointed by the regressive and prejudicial nature of the nickname you have seen fit to bestow upon Michael.ReplyDelete
To use "Gay" as a proper noun is to suggest he is defined solely by his sexuality.
Only small-minded people define others so narrowly. Intelligent people maintain a wider perspective.
I suggest a more respectful nickname for Michael:
The edit is painting a picture of Phillip backstabbing Corinne soon, or vice versa. I really hope it will be vice versa, because if it's versa vice I'll puke not once, not twice, but thrice.ReplyDelete
Then mix 99 vicodin cocktails, with no damn ice.
I guess you and Cochran never heard of Vanilla Ice #FlavorlessRapReplyDelete
...and by Girls, Phillip means Phillip. Great Line.ReplyDelete
I read this morning in a CBS Press Express Release that there is a possible blindside next week, hopefully the Specialist is released of all future duties this season then the producers could discover that there are other players out there.
Wondering also, who is Madeline?
Now that you got a shout out from Golden Boy (congrats bitch), the Federal agent in me can't help but assume he's commenting anonymously. Perhaps, you'll get an invitation to a coffee and lust filled weekend, here's hoping girl.ReplyDeleteReplies
- AnonymousApril 2, 2013 at 7:11 PM
May I ask where can we find Golden Boy's shout out to our glorious Queen? Was it on Twitter?Delete
Twitter AND Facebook, I'll have you know.Delete
- AnonymousApril 2, 2013 at 7:50 PM
Alrighty then. No need to get all Reynold about it. Thanks.Delete
- AnonymousMarch 28, 2013 at 11:40 PM
I get it now. So many things became crytal clear to me with this episode. It must have been the full moon, the Sap moon, that magic feminine energy, that opened my eyes to exactly what is happening to this season.ReplyDelete
For Corrinne, yah, we get it. You love Gay because of his homosexual orientation. Decades ago we would have called you a Fag Hag. Now it's the 21st century and nobody cares except you. Just move along, hon. Our tribe, my Gay people, don't need you to fawn over us like a fashion statement. Love Gay for his sense of humor, his quick wit, his sensitivity or his in-depth knowledge of musical theater since the 1960'S, but don't love him because just he likes to suck cock.
For Phillip, aha, NOW I get it. His little Freudian slip of "fru pas" was just not spontaneous. That was scripted, and he's the writer. He's come into the game with these
prepared "funnies" which are meant to capture the audience and propel us into gleeful fits of chuckles. Perhaps that's even his schtick in real life. Unfortunately for Phillip, he's gone too far with his character's lines. Further, when he drops the Stealth R Us bullshit, Phillip 2.0 is ok and watchable. It's too bad he didn't realize that he could have really done a full-on reset, dropped the crazy, and played it real. He got a second chance to play and win, not to mention all the tutoring from his mentor BR. Instead, he's just become this season's joke, and a bad one at that...again.
For Cochran, hmmmm, I get you. You've broken the fourth wall many times this season, and last night you leered at us after talking with Phillip. You've put yourself in a narrator role, and as much as I really enjoy your sharp perceptions, analysis and interviews, it's jarring when you look at the camera when you're "on set". Stop it.
For the Producers, right, I get it now. With the clips of Brenda on the platform and all the Pretties in fine form on the beach, how can we NOT believe that the two bowls of eggs were prepared by Allison Grodner, divided into Pretties and Uglies and distributed accordng to plan. The clarity that came to me is: Of course! It's all about the demographic and attracting those advertising revenues. I understand it's a necessary evil in this business,
but when is enough, enough. When does the social experiment, the art of the show even, matter more than a another mansion for Burnett with a new chapel.
For Casting and Editing, this I just DON'T get it! I wonder if Casting is being bamboozled by the contestants in the audition process, and if Probst has too much say in who gets in. Should everything be thrown in the air and reinvented, so that you don't have to rely on retreads like Phillip coming in with his character poorly prewritten? I also wonder if Editing realizes how interesting it would be to see the challenges cued up. I'd like to see the stage manager sending up the helicopter, lining up the contestants. Basically, showing
less Probst and more "anyone else" in the context of the set up. Also, nice to see some strategizing of the tribes before the challenges. Those are true pictures of the real people behind these baffling edits we've been served this season.
The full moon has passed.
We wait for Merge.
We wait for Ponderosa.
We wait for Jury.
We wait for the Finale.
And watch the shark swim away.
--Restless Wrestler
PS. This one soared, Lala.
Every season brings some that are brilliant.
This one was award-winning for me.Replies
This is a great overview of this season, right on, the producers are going after demographics at the expense of what made Survivor great in the first place.Delete
- AnonymousApril 2, 2013 at 7:08 PM
Good overview. However I won't write this season off until we see some post-merge maneuvering. I think mixing up tribes will help create different dynamics post-merge. Otherwise, the Favorites would have probably won more challenges and just whittled down the Fans one by one. Post-merge the Fans then would have just voted out the last remaining Favorites. As we have seen in the past, this creates a very predictable dynamic for many weeks.Delete
Yes, it is obvious the producers orchestrated the Bold & the Beautiful tribe. Although, they should have saved the colored egg bit for Easter week. The biggest benefactors were clearly Dame Reynold and Theddie. The producers probably got nervous when the Gota executed all their pretty blondes. Gota, way to go all "Heathers" on them. My hunch is that last season's finale was not a rousing ratings success. If you risk having a bland final three, at least you want some cake (beefcake and/or cheesecake). Male, female or Gay, you gotta admit that Reynold is one damn good looking dude. He also backs up his cockiness at the challenges. Lala, I'm glad you are turning around on Reynold. The only fault that I have witnessed is that he likes hanging out with the pretty and popular. That weakness still could be his downfall.
Brenda deserves her own paragraph here. What the hell is wrong with the hotty former Dolphins cheerleader doing a little sexy dance? Her dance has generated a lot of buzz on the internet and yes Scott (above), some tossing. Rarely, if ever, does the person sitting out get some quality camera time. Good for you Brenda!
I do think you are correct. Phillip is playing a character. His "character" got himself back on Survivor a second time, but why not play it a bit more straight this time. You can tell Phillip is thoughtful and more grounded when he is reacting and not acting. When the tribe went back to camp after exiling Brandon, he seemed like a normal guy with his head screwed on right when they discussed Brandon's shocking behavior at the forfeited challenge.
As far as Cochran breaking the fourth wall, I kind of like it. He's winking at us because we are all in on the joke. Now I said once he was a poor man's Woody Allen and his looks at the camera only support this thesis. I don't care much about the fourth wall because Reality TV blurs the fourth wall. First, half the show is the players looking at the camera explaining their actions and perceptions of what is happening in the game. Second as it has been said before, turn a camera on someone and it ceases to be reality. Cochran's reactions towards the camera are honest. Phillip's character not so much.
He should stick with the Pinafore....for the folks that are hardly ever sick at sea. Cochran could be Dick Deadeye. Corinne as poor little Buttercup. Phillip as the hearty captain of the Pinafore instead of this stealth garbage. Give three cheers and one cheer more.ReplyDelete
I never really like Cochran, but he has shown he's pretty smart and strategizes well. And he sees through Phillip, yay. I also like Malcom, but i hope he realizes he needs 6, not 4, and that the boy band doesn't make the same mistake the "cool kids" made at Goiter. He would do well to get mascaroni back into the group and turn Corinne against Phillip after the merge.He's in a great position to be part of two alliances, and he can pick his path later on as needed.ReplyDelete
Oh, and phantom is/was such a great name. Looking at her picture, good god that girl is terminally white! Cochran-esque!ReplyDelete
I am so sick of the retreads this season and the producers put up even weaker players against them, for what reason? To justify the poor cast selection process?ReplyDelete
The Phillip Show has become an insult to long-time fans, maybe we don't we don't spend enough at the advertisers in someone's ratings book.
The shark has been jumped before, two seasons ago, this may it again.
One note to the Cochran fans, he was the one who screwed his own team in his season, I'm sure the others know not to trust him.
Colette, better than excellent job this week, to take that episode and make it legible is truly genius!Replies
- kandeekaneMarch 30, 2013 at 11:58 AM
Cochran screwed his team cuz they treated him like shit. If your going to be #7 in the tribe why not turn on those assholes and beat them at their own game? If your going to make someone #7 you certainly don't come right and tell them that. Cuz then when you merge you get someone like douche-bag Coach looking for that person who has been treated like crap in their tribe and knows they are #7 in the alliance and you take them under your wing, build them up and get them to flip on everyone insuring your own tribe goes to the end.Delete
I'm glad Cochran did what he did in his first season. He lasted longer than Ozzy and all the rest of them that thought they were so damn great. Cochran wasn't going to go to the end either way but why not pay back the dickheads who treated you like crap and thought they were better than you?
Cochran isn't going to just willy nilly flip again. He's playing a better game and seems to be doing good in the alliance. Hopefully after the merge he can hook up with some good people and make it further.
I am also hoping that the guys from the bold and the beautiful alliance can play their cards right and make it far too. What a boost for Cochran if the guys from the B&B alliance snagged him. He said at the tribe switcharoo that he wouldn't be able to infiltrate a group like that and referred to them as the bold and the beautiful.
- AnonymousMarch 30, 2013 at 1:32 PM
- AnonymousMarch 30, 2013 at 1:33 PM
- AnonymousMarch 30, 2013 at 1:38 PM
OK third video, how in the world survivor casting has not picked me over the last 10 yrs of applying I will never know.
It not only is my dream to become the ultimate survivor I am more cut out and more qualified than anyone I have meet in the casting call lines over the last 7 yrs, since they have been doing open casting calls. In fact since they have been doing open casting calls I have been number one in line to cast #1 7 times yes 7 times. That is a world record for sure. I have never met anyone that has had two number one spots to cast? I have 7 I play to win and will never give up on my dream or the show. VOTE ME ON! Survivor Steve San Diego, want to know me call me or google me you will know me! I am as hard core hard willed as they come!
- AnonymousMarch 30, 2013 at 2:13 PM
Gotta say, pretty boring with the new, physically lopsided tribes. But come merge (next week), things will get interesting in a hurry. If the favorites were smart, they would stick together for just a little longer. With the individual immunity idol challenges approaching, I bet that all but Malcolm will be all-too-eager to remove the Dame Reynold/Theddy duo, so Golden Boy should tread carefully. Some, like Golden Boy, Mascaroni, Corinne, and Mr. Sheppard, are eager (or delusional) enough to want to make a big move pronto. They should recall, though, that numbers do mean something in Survivor. Golden Boy has a huge advantage, knowing where both of the H.I.I.s are. However, don't forget that Corinne DID find that idol w/ Golden Boy, so let's not be surprised if that turns out to be a big factor. Again, can't wait to see what happens, nor to read Lala's next entry!ReplyDelete


text:
Louise A. Lewis
|Associate Professor
Department of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology
office: 200 Pharmacy/Biology Building
Research Interests
Desiccation Tolerant Algae: Diversity and Physiology
Many diverse green algae live in terrestrial habitats such desert microbiotic crust communities. My work in North American and South African arid habitats reveals that desert green algae have multiple evolutionary origins. I use traditional and molecular techniques to understand the diversity of desert green algae, and am interested in the physiological adaptations that allow these algae to survive under extreme conditions (e.g., desiccation, high light).
- Biotic Crust Project - A web site and relational database designed initially to disseminate results of an NSF-funded (Biotic Systems and Inventories) project to document the diversity of green algae, cyanobacteria, lichens and bryophytes of the desert crust communities of the western United States. Now, additional projects are being served at this site.
- Kaplan, F., L.A. Lewis, J. Wastian, and A. Holzinger (2011) Plasmolysis effects and osmotic potential of two Klebsormidium strains from alpine habitats. Protoplasma. DOI: 10.1007/s00709-011-0324-z
- Hall, J.D., K. Fučíková, C. Lo, L.A. Lewis and K.G. Karol (2010) An assessment of proposed DNA barcodes in freshwater green algae. Cryptogamie, Algologie 31: 529-555.
- Cardon, Z.G., D.W. Gray and L.A. Lewis (2008) The green algal underground – evolutionary secrets of desert cells. BioScience 58: 114-122.
- Gray, D. W., Z. G. Cardon and L. A. Lewis (2007) Photosynthetic recovery following desiccation of desert green algae (Chlorophyta) and their aquatic relatives. Plant Cell and Environment 30: 1240-1255.
- Lewis, L. A. and P. O. Lewis (2005) Unearthing the molecular phylodiversity of desert soil green algae (Chlorophyta). Systematic Biology 54: 936-947. Helpful link to computing phylodiversity measures discussed in this paper.
- Lewis, L. A., and V. R. Flechtner (2004) Cryptic species of Scenedesmus (Chlorophyta) from desert soil communities of western North America. Journal of Phycology 40: 1127-1137.
Evolution of green algae and early diverging lineages of green plants
I also am interested in morphological evolution within chlorophyceaen green algae, and have used molecular and morphological data to resolve the relationship among major groups of green algae and early-diverging land plants.
- McManus, H.A. and L.A. Lewis (2011) Molecular phylogenetic relationships in the freshwater family Hydrodictyaceae (Sphaeropleales, Chlorophyceae), with an emphasis on Pediastrum duplex. Journal of Phycology 47: 152-163.
- McManus, H.A., E. Schultz and L.A. Lewis (2011) Distinguishing multiple lineages of Pediastrum duplex Meyen 1829 with morphometrics, and a proposal for Lacunastrum N. Gen. Journal of Phycology 47: 123-130.
- Lewis, L. A. (2007) Chlorophyta on land. Independent lineages of green eukaryotes from arid lands. In: J. Seckbach (ed.) Extremophilic Algae, Cyanobacteria and non-photosynthetic Protists: From Prokaryotes to Astrobiology. Kluwer Academic Publishers, Dordrecht.
- McManus, H. A. and L. A. Lewis (2005) Systematics, morphological variation and implications for colony-form evolution in the family Hydrodictyaceae (Sphaeropleales, Chlorophyta). Phycologia 44: 582-595.
- Lewis, L. A. and R. M. McCourt (2004) Green algae and the origin of land plants. American Journal of Botany 91: 1535-1556.
- Shoup, S. and L. A. Lewis (2003) Polyphyletic origin of parallel basal bodies in swimming cells of chlorophycean green algae (Chlorophyta). Journal of Phycology 39: 789-796.
- Lewis, L. A., B. D. Mishler and R. Vilgalys (1997) Phylogenetic relationships of the liverworts (Hepaticae), a basal embryophyte lineage, inferred from nucleotide sequence data of the chloroplast gene, rbcL. Molecular Phylogenetics and Evolution 7: 377-393.
- Mishler, B. M., L. A. Lewis, M. A. Buchheim, K. S. Renzaglia, D. J. Garbary, C. F. Delwiche, F. W. Zechman, T. S. Kantz and R. L. Chapman (1994) Phylogenetic relationships of the "green algae" and "bryophytes". Annals of the Missouri Botanical Garden 81: 451-483.
Symbiotic green algae
Unicellular green algae form symbioses with marine invertebrates, ciliates, fungi, and even flowering plants. In collaboration with Gisele Muller-Parker (Western Washington State University) I have worked on the small green alga that occur with the sea anemones Anthopleura elegantissima. Ph.D. student Molly Letsch is following up on this project in two anemone species, and across their geographic ranges.
- Letsch, M.R., G. Muller-Parker, T. Friedl, and L.A. Lewis (2009) Elliptochloris marina n.sp. (Trebouxiophyceae, Chlorophyta), green symbiont of Anthopleura xanthogrammica and A. elegantissima (Anthozoa, Cnidaria). Journal of Phycology 45: 1127-1135.
- Lewis, L. A. and G. Muller-Parker (2004) Phylogenetic placement of "Zoochlorellae" (Chlorophyta), algal symbiont of the temperate anemone Anthopleura elegantissima. Biological Bulletin 207: 87-92.
Beyond greens
- Haugen, P., D. Bhattacharya, J.D. Palmer, S. Turner, L.A. Lewis, and K.M. Pryer (2007) Cyanobacterial ribosomal RNA genes with multiple, endonuclease-encoding group I introns. BMC Evolutionary Biology 7: 159.
- Hershkovitz, M. A. and L. A. Lewis (1996) Deep-level diagnostic value of the rDNA-ITS region. Molecular Biology and Evolution 13: 1276- 1295.
- Hanelt, B., D. van Schyndel, C.M. Adema, L. A. Lewis, and E.S. Loker (1996) The phylogenetic position of Rhopalura opiocomae (Orthonectida) based on 18S ribosomal RNA sequence data. Molecular Biology and Evolution 13: 1187-1191.
- Wawrzyniak, L.A. and R.A. Andersen (1983) Silica-scaled Chrysophyceae from North American boreal forest regions in northern Michigan, U.S.A. and Newfoundland, Canada. Nova Hedwigia 41: 127-145.
Spring 2011 (usually in spring semesters of odd years, 2011, 2013, ...)
- I teach introductory biology for majors, Biology 1108. This course web site is accessed using HuskyCT.
Spring 2012
- During alternate spring semesters (next in 2012) I co-teach Evolution of Green Plants with Dr. Bernard Goffinet.
Fall 2012 (fall semesters of even years)
- I will teach Biology of the Algae (co-listed as EEB 3250 and EEB 5250).


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