text:
One girl's twistedly fantastic interpretation of what the hell is really going on in those tribes.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Hell To The No
What do spears, battle axes, crossbows, swords, and microbes have in common? They are all violent weapons used in the pursuit of wealth and power. Way back when in the olden timey days of the Middle Ages, knights and foot soldiers would hurl either sharp pieces of metal or teeny tiny microorganisms at one another. In a world where microscopes didn't even exist yet, a soldier knew the power of the protozoa. Late at night, while the castle slept, scientifically savvy soldiers would fling a diseased corpse over the castle walls and then, giggling in their suits of armor and sigils, they'd sit and wait for the magic to happen. Oh, it wouldn't be an immediate magic. Nor would it be a bloody magic. But eventually, little devil microbes, or pathogens, would squirrel themselves out of the rotting corpse and into an innocent lady in waiting. After what I assume was a lengthy gestation period, said lady would cough, gasp, and then fall over and die. Protozoa power, activate! In more recent years, microbes, or microglobules if you will, are still used as weaponry. Scary, creepy, "Is that dried blood in your panties?" weaponry. The goals are still the same: wealth and power (plus $500 for new shocks) and the road to victory is long, arduous, and full of hair. Thank god it's almost over. Let's recap, shall we?
The night is dark and full of terrors. A fire crackles in the foreground as we find our street urchin people musing about Kat's ironically sardonic exit. A pruney southern drawl from underneath a crusty hat begins the scene, "Oh mah gawd. When she said it'd be funnay. Oh mah gawd." A nicknameless Sabrina nods in agreement and shouts, "Ironic!" Tarzan (Greg), however, thinks to himself how silly these womenfolk are. They should have gotten rid of him instead. And now, he and his subplot are free to squirm their way into the top three.
But first, he has to make it to the top four. Tarzan pulls aside Handlebar (Kim) and advises that she take Jugs (Alicia) and ChaCha (Christina) to the end with her. Jugs isn't well liked and, well, no one will vote for ChaCha. Handlebar likes the plan, but worries whether or not she can trust Jugs to take her to the end. Tarzan assures her of Jugs' loyalty, but warns her against the evil Prunes (Chelsea). Prunes is Handlebar's biggest threat and it would serve her well to kick her to the curb sooner rather than later. Sounds good to me!
Just as Handlebar is worried about Jugs' loyalty, Jugs is worried about Handlebar's loyalty. The great mediator Tarzan poo-poo's away Jugs' worries and promises to hype her up for a win once he gets on the jury. Tarzan is a man with a plan, a segmented plan. A) Don't be the first one voted off. B) Make it to the merge. 3) Get to see his wife. D) Go on a panty raid. If he gets from A to D and still doesn't win the million dollars, no skin off his hide. His Jeep will pay the ultimate price, not him. No shocks for you, Jeep!
The sun rises on another day and we find Prunes in quiet contemplation. In quiet contemplation is how I like my Prunes. Silent like the dead. Quiet like a corpse. Maybe we can get Jugs' sister Leticia to kick Prunes in the voice box. It's just an idea. Alright, so Prunes is sitting around watching insects devour one another when it occurs to her that the game is all tied up right now. 3 to 3. 3 for them. 3 for me. Being that it's Even Steven means that someone needs to leave one threesome and join another. And who better than ChaCha? "If ah pull outta r'ward, I thank ya need ta eet," she tells ChaCha. "That's so sweet," ChaCha replies.
Once Prunes has reeled in ChaCha with promises of sustenance, she switches gears and tells ChaCha that Tarzan absolutely cannot get to the final three. With all of those men on the jury, he'll surely get all of the votes. Prunes also thinks that ChaCha is in an alliance with Jugs and Tarzan, but ya know, that's just her talking out loud. La dee da.
So Prunes la dee da's herself away while ChaCha scurries back to camp and reports all that she's heard. "I just had an interesting talk with Prunes," ChaCha says. Handlebar's mustache turns up in anger at the thought of Prunes once again doing more damage than good. If only Handlebar could get her to shut up. Call Leticia, Handlebar! I've got her number right here... 555.KICK "If Prunes wins an award she'll take me, but she thinks that I'm in an alliance with Jugs and Tarzan. I think she wants me to join the other alliance." Handlebar strokes her goatee in a panic. Has Prunes blown her cover?! She's worked for 30 some odd days fooling these chuckleheads and for Prunes to ruin it all with her big mouth would be a nightmare for her.
The second she's able to get away, Handlebar runs over to Prunes and tells her that ChaCha blurted out their whole conversation. Prunes whines, "Shut uuuuup! That makes me want to kick ChaCha's ass." Why? Because you were a big mouth butting in where you don't belong? Because you are single handedly unwittingly dismantling all of the hard work that Handlebar has done? I'm telling you if Prunes was out of the picture, Handlebar could spend her days waxing her 'stache and eating coconuts. 99% of her game play is fixing Prunes' big ass whiny mouth mistakes.
And this brings us to the big Reward Challenge. For today's challenge, you will race to release a disk by spinning around it. Once you're good and dizzy, you'll race to another station to do it all over again. Once you've collected all three disks, you will use them to form a decoder. Then, you will use the decoder to give you three numbers to solve a combination box. The winner will get to go on a yacht where they'll get a shower, cocktails, a three course meal (more damn food!), and a bed to sleep in for the night. Survivors ready, go.
Spin, spin, spin. The Oceanic Six run in circles around their disk stations. To everyone's surprise, Sabrina gets her disk free first followed by Handlebar, Jugs, Prunes, and ChaCha. The dizzy ditzes move on to their next post where... spin, spin, spin... Sabrina is once again in the lead. Prunes and Jugs keep a close pace with Sabrina, but we all know that Sabrina will give out any second now. Things like challenges, competition, work, strategy, game play, etc aren't really Sabrina's forte. She's a nice enough lady, but let's face it. Bo-ring!
Spin, spin, spin... as predicted, it's Sabrina's nap time which gives Handlebar, Jugs, and Prunes a chance to catch up. With everyone at the decoder station, we hear it. That whine. That infernal incessant whine. She only talks in whines. Ever. "Dimplesssss I thank I 'ave itttt." Whine, whine, moan, moan. *burble* Prunes wins, but I'm not giving her any exclamations points like I usually do. The only way I'll decorate her name with punctuation is if the words "dead" or "voted off" are in the sentence.
And now it's time for Prunes to pick two people to join her. ChaCha leans over and picks up her backpack. She's ready to go! Kindly direct her to the yacht Prunes. "Fair is fair. Ah pick Sabrina an' ah pick Handlebar. Fair is fair!" ChaCha looks around herself in confusion. Jugs catches her eye and does a pantomime of a throat being slit. Now everyone is confused! Does Jugs mean her deadly mimes for Prunes or ChaCha? Knowing Jugs, she means everyone.
Rest easy ChaCha. Out of all the yachts in the world, that's the last yacht you want to end up on. First off, you're trapped on it with Prunes. Secondly, you end up in a cult. What I like to call The Cult Of No Personality. Look in their eyes, what do you see? The cult of no personality. I know your anger. I know your dreams. I've been everything you want to be. I'm the cult of no personality.
Back at camp, Jugs is fit to be tied. She's livid! *thwack!* There goes a tree she kicked. *harump!* That's the sound of a boulder being thrown into the ocean. *spernickle!* And that there is the sound of crab legs being pulled off of a dolphin. That whimper you hear is Tarzan crying. Oh Jesus, batten down the hatches! "She said she was going to pick fair like she plays the game?! And then she picks Handlebar?!? Oh hell no! That's not fair! And she told you she was going to pick you! That's not fair!" With anger in the breeze and assault on her mind, Jugs wants to make sure that she, Tarzan, and ChaCha are all on the same page as to whom they vote out next. "We're voting Prunes if she doesn't win the next Immunity." *glitter falls from the sky*
At home I put up some streamers, aimed a flashlight at the disco ball over my bed, and retrieved two giant bowls of glitter from the refrigerator. Try chilling your glitter the next time you dunk. Nippleicious!
So Jugs wants to force Handlebar to pick a side and stand by her word. Tarzan suggests that if Handlebar comes back from the Reward suggesting they vote out one of their own, then they'll know she's turned. Furthermore, Tarzan believes that Prunes and Handlebar are their biggest threat in the game. They'll easily win over Jugs and ChaCha in the final three and, most likely, they're working together as a team. Tarzan sneaks in a little, "So, you know, you should probably just take me to the final three." *smacks self in panties on head* Subtlety Tarzan, subtlety! A little grace please. Some dignity. Jugs is a loose cannon who needs to be finessed into making a decision. When she's leaking battery acid like she is right now, it's best to back away slowly and duck from her nipple darts.
*pew pew go the nipple darts* Jugs turns to ChaCha, "Do you want to sit next to him *points to Tarzan* or Handlebar in the final three?" ChaCha demurely replies, "I think him." "Alright then, it's Prunes or Handlebar," Jugs declares. Look at that! Jugs is taking charge and making some swift moves. Good on her! I always knew she had the will to disembowel and bleed her victims dry so it stands to reason that she'd be sneaky and try to take out the strongest player. This is gonna be so good. I can't wait!
Another day is gone and today Tarzan has awoken with a hunger that only some coconut steeped in buff sweat can satiate. Today he's a making a meal fit for a king. Screw the women! He's gonna prepare his coconuts like he likes him. Dipped, trimmed, and boiled tender. Then, after he's done with breakfast, he'll do some laundry in a poo bath and wash his hair in the food pot. He may be defeated later in the day by someone of the opposite sex so it's best he enjoys what time he has left in a manly way. Staring at the coconuts bobbing up and down in a boiling pot of buffs, Jugs declares, "I can make that better!" "I'm making it how I like it, not how you like it," Tarzan murmurs. "But that's a dirty buff!" "I've had inner bowels in my bare hands," Tarzan replies. Huh? *scratches head*
That's it. That's all it took. Jugs' pendulous breasts have now swung back in the opposite direction as she tells Handlebar about Tarzan's plan to discover whether or not she's a traitor. *puts glitter bowls back in refrigerator* I hate these people! I hate them all! How hard is it to make a decision a stick with it. Especially a decision that benefits me. I don't mean to be selfish, but it's all about me! I can't deal with a Sisters Grim final three. I can't! *holds one of Jugs' nipple darts to throat* I'll cut myself. I will!
Jugs not only tells Handlebar everything Tarzan has up his sleeve, but she also tells her how Tarzan is going to sway the jury to vote for Jugs to win. Handlebar replies, "He told me the same thing!" The two stare into each other's twinkling eyes and nod. They now know what they have to do. They have to not get Tarzaned. In this particular situation, "getting Tarzaned" means letting Tarzan get to the end with ChaCha. Jugs' reply to that idea is -"Hell no! Hell to the no!" And then she went off on some ghetto Puerto Rican (her words, not mine) tangent about how she's the queen of the social game and the most powerful player ever. The social game in the ninth ring of hell? The most powerful player of a game of nipple darts? I'm not sure where Jugs thinks she is, but it's not here in crappy Survivor: One World.
And here we are at the big Immunity Challenge. Come on in guys! For today's challenge, you will use fish hooks to pick up bags of puzzle pieces. You will then use the pieces to complete a puzzle in the shape of a fish skeleton. To make it a little more interesting, you'll do it with one hand tied behind your back. Survivors ready, go!
The Survivors gingerly scoop up their fish hooks and teeter over their respective puzzle bags. Handlebar hooks hers first with Jugs right behind her. The other Survivors quickly follow suit and, with Prunes in last place, they begin to complete the lowest section of the fish. This is a challenge we've seen before, isn't it? Little flickers of a past Survivor season are flashing in my brain. Did a man win it? A douchey man perhaps. Help me out Survivor wizards and let me know in the comments.
So anyhow, pick, pick, pick, the fish continue to grow and it's shaping up to be a battle between Jugs and Handlebar. Only, hold up! The swift and stealthy hands of a surgeon have come to play. Tarzan deftly places bone after bone. But then he tries to attach cockles and marzipan and falls behind again. *sigh* Oh well, good effort Tarzan.
In the end, it's a win we're not sure we wanted... JUGS WINS IMMUNITY!!! I mean, I'm glad it's not Prunes or Handlebar, but Jugs isn't thinking straight anymore. She's living in a parallel universe and telling all of her secrets to the one girl sure to beat her... Handlebar. Maybe someone will boil some socks in with the dinner and change her mind again. Fingers crossed.
Back at camp, Jugs is doing the Jugs happy dance. It involves a lot of shoulder shimmying and goes, "Look at me now! Look at me now!" The dance is suddenly interrupted with a burly cry of, "You bitch! I should have won that. That wasn't even athletic!" *sighs and shakes head* It's Tarzan. It's weirdo loud mouthed Tarzan spitting "Bitch" in a tribe of women. I gazed forlornly at the refrigerator door as I knew deep down inside that I wouldn't be taking out my bowls tonight.
I then sat with my chin in my hand and dipped a couple of Lexapros into my gin while Jugs went on a power trip on my TV. "This is all about me! I control three votes! What I say, goes!" No, no, no. You do not control three votes. You control one vote. You're like a scullery maid thinking she's the Lady of the house. It drives me crazy when these Idol holders or Challenge winners think they are omnipotent. Cra-zy!
So while Jugs is busy beating on her own jugs, Handlebar is telling her sheeple that she's convinced Jugs to get rid of Tarzan tonight. Sabrina stares up into Handlebar's blue eyes and is completely mesmerized. Lapis pools of magic. Robin's egg orbs of deliciousness. Sabrina's own eyes are merely spinning pin wheels as she hypnotically nods and laughs at all Handlebar has to say. "Oh you did? Ha ha ha!" *laughter tinkles on the breeze* That's all Sabrina does... tinkle laughter.
Handlebar then moves on to Prunes. Probably in a preemptive strike to get her to keep her mouth shut, Handlebar tells Prunes that she might be on the chopping block tonight. Prunes replies meekly, "Or I could play your Idol." Handlebar sits in stony silence for a second and then replies, "It depends on how I'm feeling." Oh snap! Go find your own Idol, Prunes. Mooch. Prunes stares off into the distance when a wandering ChaCha enters into frame. Prunes lips go thin as she furrows her brow, "I cayn't ba-leave she'll be here longa than me!" It infuriates Prunes that ChaCha does nothing yet lives to see another day in the game. Fair is fair! *eye roll* One of these days, when I care, someone will have to inform me what exactly it is that Prunes has done to merit staying over ChaCha.
So while Prunes is frowning and Jugs is gloating, Tarzan is left to stew in his own thoughts and put on lady clothes. When in doubt, go Phillip Sheppard. I knew it was an act! Have you ever noticed that when the tides get rough and the chatter thickens, Tarzan is just around the corner pulling out some whacky stunt? And here he stands, right before the vote, with crusty panties on his head and a woman's bloodied tank top on asking, "What? Oh this old thing! Those microbes are long and dead by now. Now watch me do the flamenco." I'm telling you, it's phony. Phony baloney. Jugs watches Tarzan hitching up his petticoats and wonders to herself if maybe she should just get rid of him. Is Handlebar playing her? Is Tarzan playing her? Oh hell, she'll just vote them both out because in JugsLand she has infinity votes.
And now we arrive at Tribal Council. Dimples turns to Sabrina and very seriously asks her if she's surprised she's made it this far. Sabrina replies that she is not surprised. Not only that, she can still win! Ha! Rrrright.
Dimples then asks Tarzan how he's still around and Tarzan replies, "Only by the grace of panties... errr, I mean God. The grace of God." Dimples presses him for specifics and, to my surprise, Tarzan candidly admits to helping the women getting rid of the men. Some Carson Daly looking dude on the jury gives him the finger while another guy crawls out of a tree stump and asks, "Oh, we're still playing?" Yeah I know, they're a memorable bunch.
Tarzan goes on and confesses that tonight might be his last night, but if anyone wants to take him to the end. Great! He'll go. Plus, who'd vote for a millionaire to win. Hold up. Rewind. Who would vote for a millionaire to win? Did Tarzan just say he was a millionaire? Monopoly money doesn't count Tarzan! Nor do those chocolate covered coins you keep in the treasure chest at the foot of your bed. I've seen your Jeep (scroll up). A millionaire would buy that hunk of junk some parts... and wheels and such.
All in all, Tarzan is simply misunderstood. "The crusty panties and this blood here *licks bloody spot as crowd groans* nothin' but microbes! And I know everything about microbes. They don't! Bacteria, fungi, algae, protozoa. You name it, I've wrestled with it." As this is a man who operates regularly on marine life, I'm inclined to agree that he's worked with algae before. How do you suppose he does his hair transplants. Algae, bitches! Grows like the thicket on Handlebar's upper lip.
Dimples then asks Jugs about everyone's reaction to whom Prunes picked to join her on the Reward. Jugs says it was fair to pick Sabrina, but not so fair to pick Handlebar. Just look at Kat, delicious candy coated with perfect hair Kat, who picked who she liked and then got sent home! From the jury section, Kat, sleek in her bob, mutters my favorite line... "Bitches."
Bitches indeed! Alright, let's vote another bitch out, shall we? I could have crossed my fingers for a Prunes vote, but we all kind of knew the panty raid had finally come to an end. Tarzan is the 13th person voted out of Survivor: One World.
So, what did you guys think of last night's episode? Did you want Tarzan to go home? Why does Jugs think she can beat Handlebar? Will everyone fight to take ChaCha to the end? Finally, who do you want to win Survivor: One World? My vote goes to Horatio.
Speaking of votes, it's time to vote for your Favorite Player. The Bitchy Survivor Blog officially endorses Nina Acosta and here's why: She's a fan of the blog, she went out looking like a zombie, and she's holding a gun to my head right now. Just give her the $100K dammit. I want to live to blog the Philippines.
And, if you've enjoyed what I've done here this season, I ask that you please click on my PayPal button and show a bitch some love. I know it hasn't been the best of seasons, but hopefully I've spread a little joy and tinkled all over it with glitter.
Monday's finale blog will be up later than usual so look for it sometime in the evening. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!
26 comments:
- AnonymousMay 10, 2012 at 1:10 PM
I could have sworn I saw Prunes headed north on I-95 on Tuesday (I'm in Maryland) It was a white BMW convertible, petite blond driver that looked like Chelsea - and here's the clincher, she was wearing a camouflaged baseball cap.ReplyDelete
She may have been heading up to NYC for pre-finale taping.
Anyway - that was another boring episode, with absolutely nothing worth commenting on. I never once dipped my balls into glitter, but I did have a couple shots of Bourbon to mix with my Zoloft.
As always - Lala makes it better
MD in MD
The immunity challenge was from Redemption Island. I had to check to see who won it, but it was Ashley. They blindsided Grant in that episode.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMay 10, 2012 at 1:47 PM
I don't understand why they continue to make plans to get Handlebar or Prunes out but they keep letting Handlebar or Prunes in on the plans. These miserable excuse for survivor contestants have absolutely no game!!ReplyDelete
Was Kat crying because Tarzan wore her crusty undies on his head?
Another great blog Colette!!
- AnonymousMay 10, 2012 at 1:47 PM
I'm no Survivor Wizard, but wasn't the Fishbone challenge on the first Redemption Island season (the one Rob finally won after flunking "Survivor School" 11 times? Really, CBS could've just written him a check and moved on without putting him on a season. Did he really have to go through the motions? Snore. IhateRob!) and Ashley won immunity?ReplyDelete
And I am SO with you on the Prunes thing. I can't believe she made it to the finale. Will Kim just stick a fork in her please? I'm done! Been done for quite a while. She is so sanctimonious and hypocritical. "fayer is fayer!" She's just so yucky!Replies
- AnonymousMay 10, 2012 at 2:35 PM
Prunes is a Medical Sales Rep which is another name for a Pharma Girl. Which means if she doesn't marry a rich doctor the medical/pharma company will kick her to the curb when she is 40 and she will be selling suppositories to hospitals. Sorry, but I think some doctor will enjoy giving her his suppository and they will raise little whiny Southern belles and Citadel grads together.Delete
Here is a guy who also noticed a lot of RealityTV hotties are/were Pharma Girls:
Whether you like Chelsea or not, she deserves to be on the list after she is voted off.....hopefully soon.
- AnonymousMay 10, 2012 at 2:07 PM
Are we missing something? Are Juggs, ChaCha and Sabrina going to unite in a triad of the weak and make a move against Kim? Someone has to takedown the Queen. Taking Chelsea down will only give Kim a chance to manipulate one of the weak and/or dominate immunity challenges.ReplyDelete
Keeping Tarzan around probably was dangerous. Who knows if he could stick with a voting bloc or would he have shifted next week for no other reason than he his unpredictable. I am not convinced he would have gotten the votes of the male jury members as evidenced by the finger. He probably had an opening, but didn't play it well and become Juggs' trusty bosom-buddy. It's hard to play the anti-social game because at some point you have to be trusted. Boston Rob trusted Phillip. Also, can playing crazy or being crazy really win you the game? Phillip seemed genuinely crazy and so did Tarzan. Waiting for the final three survivor who played crazy and says ha-ha got ya. I was only fooling!
- AnonymousMay 10, 2012 at 2:10 PM
If you think about, this season actually has a lot in common with Survivor: Redemption Island. Handlebar is Rob, Tarzan is Phillip Sheppard, that fish challenge is featured in both, and the (likely) winner of the game effortlessly dominated a season with a weak field of contestants. I am obligated to give Handlebar credit, just like I did for Rob; but, COME ON! This is way too easy. The nitwits around her are practically delivering the million to Handlebar's doorstep, first-class. And I have a suspicion that she might have even thrown that last challenge, not wanting to reveal just how in-control she really is (notice how long it took her to retrieve that last bag with the hook).ReplyDelete
Other than her facial hair, Handlebar has shown that she cares about appearances--she wants to entirely control the game, but be somewhat devious and inconspicuous about it. Though I do not like her, she does deserve to win. But the jury is bound to expose her to some extent, so, if Handlebar takes Sabrina and Chelsea to the end (which would be a relatively poor selection) maybe Sabrina can pull off the upset. If I had my way, then that would be the scenario. We'll have to see on Sunday.
The odds for the win: Handlebar 85%, Sabrina 14.9999%, Prunes .0001%, Jugs 0%, Cha Cha 0%
Prunes looked so different after that shower on the yacht. I kept looking at her post-shower scene with the camera guy and saying to myself, "She looks so much better encrusted in dirt." I guess the inner hillbilly in me was attracted to her dirty, dirty layer of filth, nail-on-a-chalkboard twang and blacken, microbe-infested fingernails.ReplyDelete
And for whom am I rooting in the finale? No one. But I am rooting for a tie. A sweet, delicious tie vote for the winner (presumably between Handlebars and Prunes). But that might be wishful thinking, as most of the men probably will vote for Handlebars and her mustache out of respect for that much testosterone.
Clearly, Prunes deserves to still be around because she has her face jammed further up Handlebars ass than ChaCha does. Pretty simple, and revolting. I don't know how Prunes can justify her existance when she hasn't done a single damn thing the whole season but piss and moan. She only won the spinning dizzy reward challenge because she walks around in a permanent state of vertigo anyways.ReplyDelete
I hope they don't let the whole team of people who dream up challenges on extended holiday again next season. We just saw the fish skeleton thing last season or the one before. And how lame, the contestants didn't even have to put the 'fish bones' in size order, just jam em in there.
And yes, poor Kat was crying because Tarzan fashioned a headband out of her grungies. Not sure why that merited tears, but in Candyland, apparently it counts.
Colette - thanks for making this sucky season still funny!! I'll show a bitch some love via Paypal on Monday, after I get paid (grin)
- James BondMay 10, 2012 at 2:59 PM
Didn't get to see the Big Show last night. Turns out too many unwatched episodes of "Two Broke Girls" and "History of Vodka" have rendered my DVR impotent. Knew I could count on Lala to entertainmentize the few high points there may have been, though.ReplyDelete
I'll probably skip the finale due to anticipated lack of drama and presence of the Fallen Heroes segment, where everybody says nice things about the people they've hated/forgotten about for 39 days.
I may catch the reunion show just to see Kim get her check and Colton get booed. And the tease for next season is always interesting. As much as I may complain about the survivors, the challenges, the same old same old, I know I'll be back in September.Replies
- AnonymousMay 10, 2012 at 4:04 PM
Perhaps they can revive the fallen survivor walk of remembrance where every terminated survivor is represented by a grave-like signpost. The ladies can then urinate on each one on there walk to the final tribal council. I would watch that. On second thought, I wouldn't even be interested in that final either.Delete
- AnonymousMay 10, 2012 at 4:31 PM
All of the running during challenges must have had one of Jugs' jugs hit her head one to many times. It's the only explanation to her delusions of being able to beat Handlebar. Only bad luck can hurt Handlebar's chances now...ReplyDelete
Time for a better job of finding strong competitors CBS...
I believe Tarzan earned the "California Howdy" for admitting he helped the women vote off all the guys.ReplyDelete
Thanks again Lala for your summary which was WAY more entertaining than the actual episode. And yes, Kat muttering "Bitch" was truthfully the only memorable part of it.
I think Tarzan decided to get a little strategic and show some signs of intelligence one vote too early.ReplyDelete
Can you just imagine if he kept quiet and Prunes was now pruning at Ponderosa, well the Glitter Bowls would be all empty and we would all be singing "Joy to The World"
If the season and it's predictability continue, then Handlebar will surely be sitting in the final Tribal Council. The confrontation Troyzan has with her would be something special I would hope.
I know it is an extreme long shot but I would like to see Cha Cha win just because, well just because she is not annoying, boring or loudmouthed and does not wear dumb looking caps either.
Below is a link to Ashley winning this exciting immunity challenge from Season #22 (an even more boring season than this one)
I would just like to say a big thank you for your blogs this season, they have been very entertaining and have kept this season and most of the players a little interesting, well some less than a little interesting I am sure. Thanks again.
Apologies for the link, it kinda did not appear the way I hoped.ReplyDelete
*yawn* Is it over yet?ReplyDelete
Lala, I wish you would've bogged the Amazing Race this season. It was actually a bit entertaining with my Hillbilly team (I am so depressed they lost), and *shudder* Brenchel.
I will probably skip the finale and just come here after its done. You rock.
- AnonymousMay 10, 2012 at 11:42 PM
Lala--You Rock, Bitch! This season was so snoring boring but as always you made it hilarious despite the lack of material to work with. I'm rooting for Cha Cha for no other reason that it would piss off Prunes.ReplyDelete
I'll send some love your way next week and I would suggest everyone else does the same for making this ridiculously bad season worth while. ;)
And for what it is worth, I'm voting the S.S. Vagina as the player of the season. She encompasses the seaworthy theme of the C-wordy snatches in the finale.
- AnonymousMay 11, 2012 at 2:37 AM
Gotta send another 10 bucks your way. You are more than worth an hour and some of work, lala. I'll be going through withdrawal until BB starts.ReplyDelete
Thanks for another great season, and I can't wait for the finale blog monday!
~Lisabeth aka Elle Rose
Just wrap up the season already, it has become boring as bat shite many episodes ago. With a extra long episode with no-one likeable in it and fairly predictable, the show will be a chore to watch.ReplyDelete
My dear Gin-Scented Nipple-Glittered Lala,ReplyDelete
Excellent blog per usual! One thing which captured my attention (which was not hard as this season is soooo boring): Handlebar's mustache seemed to disappear or lighten after her shower on the yacht! Do you think the producers put Nair on the counter or she rubbed lemons across her lip to lighten her hirsute adornment?
Keep up the good work! I got your love right here, Bitch!
They are all in NYC right now tweeting away. I wish they would tweet why they were all in a state of paralysis on the show. By now, CBS has pumped up their personalities as best they can, watch for an animated finale, they will be real people for an hour, then they can go back to being zombies. Oh, I don't blame the Survivor contestants, I blame CBS for the selection process, where are the ex Navy Seals,fighter pilots, and firemen from past seasons? We had a female police officer this season, but they got rid of her real fast. CBS is targeting a different demographic than this blog's readers, they had better wise up, the show is on its last legs. I agree with previous posts, this Sunday's show will be real difficult to watch. There will be no blindsides or surprises, Kim has hypnotized the flock, she can't even believe they bought her crap.ReplyDelete
Kim ran the show, in my eyes, Kim should win...not that I will care either way about this season.ReplyDelete
As for the fish bone challenge i think it is from South Pacific season with ozzy.
Due to Alicia's apparent need to be angry in order to perceive reality, combined with her kryptonite-like weakness to Kim's azure eyes (or whatever quality that bitch has... it sure as hell hasn't been captured on camera) it looks like we might be doomed to a finale with two undesirable outcomes:
1. No drama or laughter.
2. Chelsea sitting in front of the jury.
To combat the Voidy Numbness of both outcomes, I propose a game - I call it the "Chelsea Messyner Balloon-titted Camo' Ballcap Drinking-Smoking-Popping Game". The rules are simple: Every time that personification of everything I dislike in a Survivor contestant mentions the word "deserve" (or derivations thereof - player discretion is perfectly acceptable) whilst sitting in front of the jury, the player must drink a shot of their liquor of choice, smoke their drug of choice and pop their pill of choice. The only qualification required to play is a sense of humour.
Played correctly, this game has an even-money chance of allowing the player to have a pretty good time during the finale night. In addition, there is a reasonably good chance that (if played expertly) the game may completely obliterate the player's entire memory of Survivor: One World. If played poorly, however, there is a chance that the player may inadvertently overdose and die, in which case - Chelsea wins. If she wins, her prize will be to have the surgically extracted sense of humour of all deceased players implanted into her furrowed brow, which, if a critical mass of deceased players is reached, may be sufficient to allow her to laugh at herself and embrace a wider view of life.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm overwhelmed by the need to listen to Licence to Ill at EAR SHATTERING volume (vale MCA) while dancing the Cha Cha naked.
You Gotta Fight
For Your Right
To Be A
Glitter Boy...
I'm Fierce!
I am a Glitter Boy...
- AnonymousMay 13, 2012 at 2:48 AM
The only redeeming thing about this boring season is thatReplyDelete
the women took out the idiotic men. The men could never
escape the curse of the spell brought to us by Hogwart's
graduate Colton.
I feel compelled to comment on Kim's alleged mustache. If
you have peach fuzz on your face, put some dirt on it and
see what happens. Also ladies, someday you may have hairs
sprouting from some surprising places. Like wrinkles, these will give you character. Salute your hormones
Ms. Lala, your blog has been endlessly entertaining
and enlightening. Thank you for all the gin and glitter.
- yours trulyMay 13, 2012 at 11:32 AM
I wish to see Dimples mount a winged pig for his trip to the finale. If the pig has no balls we will have a clear and certain winner.ReplyDelete
Horatio for the win!!


text:
Motto Journal
Trust Your Crazy Ideas.
Item #5007
When we set out to create these journals, we envisioned bright, bold covers with gold foil-stamping and a clean, modern look. We imagined the statements would be ones you'd want to live by—ones that would capture your heart. And we knew the interiors would have to be perfectly designed to capture notes, doodles, sketches, and life-altering ideas. We managed to do it all, and now we're excited to share the new line of Motto journals with you. We know you'll find at least one Motto that feels like yours right away.
Flexi-cover with ribbon
6.25"H x 4.31"W
144 lined pages
Printed with soy ink on FSC(R)-certified paper.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
It has been more than a decade since Target launched its first designer collaboration, sparking a seemingly endless number of imitators. The pairings lure customers with the promise of designer looks at mass market prices, while the designers and retailers leverage the power of two brand names into often lucrative business endeavors.
And although a few of last year's efforts fell a bit flat — Neiman Marcus and Target's highly touted holiday collection went on mark-down after only three weeks, for instance — pairings are still going strong. Here are some of the most alluring style collaborations planned in the first half of this year.
Prabal Gurung and Sam & Libby for Target
Next in line to design a limited-edition collection for Target is New York-based designer Prabal Gurung, who counts Jennifer Lawrence, Rooney Mara, First Lady Michelle Obama and the Duchess of Cambridge among his star fans. Known for polished, ladylike styles with standout colors and prints, Gurung's collection of 90-plus pieces for Target will include apparel, shoes, handbags and jewelry, starting at $12.99. Scheduled to launching on Feb. 10, just in time for Valentine's Day, the looks were inspired by the idea of "a tender love story" and include "First Date" and "Meet the Parents" prints. On May 5, Target plans to relaunch footwear label Sam & Libby, created by Sam and Libby Edelman in 1987, in an exclusive, ongoing collaboration. Twenty styles in the initial collection range include flats, wedges and pumps, starting at $24.99. Available at all Target stores and target.com.
Duro Olowu, Nanette Lepore, Marchesa and more for J.C. Penney
J.C. Penney plans a multitude of exclusive designer collections this season. Among the debuts are a range of evening gowns, suits and cocktail attire called Pearl by Georgina Chapman of Marchesa, launching on Feb. 22, and a junior line dubbed L'Amour by Nanette Lepore that hits stores on Feb. 1. Possibly the most anticipated is the department store chain's partnership with London-based fashion designer Duro Olowu, whose signature is a mix of vibrant, graphic prints inspired by his homeland of Nigeria. While the designer is still making a name in the United States, First Lady Michelle Obama has been wearing Olowu's dresses, jackets and tops since 2011. Designs include apparel, fashion accessories (handbags, jewelry, a suitcase and shoes), and home décor (vases and dhurrie rugs). Launching in stores on March 1, everything in the Olowu line is under $100. J.C.Penney's home department will also introduce MarthaHome stores by Martha Stewart and unique shops by Jonathan Adler, Michael Graves and Terrence Conran in May. At select JCPenney stores and jcpenney.com
Derek Lam for DesigNation at Kohl's
New York-based fashion designer Derek Lam, who has designed for eBay and luxury Italian leather goods house Tod's, follows Narciso Rodriguez, as the second designer to participate in Kohl's DesigNation series. The department store chain's ongoing designer partnership features collections inspired by specific global destinations. Lam's city of choice? Rio de Janeiro. Influenced by the patterns and saturated colors of the Brazilian city, Lam's capsule line features relaxed-yet-sophisticated apparel and swimwear that can transition from beach to street, pool to party. Priced from $36 to $98, the pieces are to debut in April at Kohl's stores and kohls.com.
AG Stylist Series; AG x Liberty London
Local denim brand AG Adriano Goldschmied debuts its AG Stylist Series Jan. 30 starting with a 14-piece denim line by Los Angeles celebrity stylist Cher Coulter, whose clients include Elizabeth Olsen, Nicole Richie, Sienna Miller and Kate Bosworth. Starting at $200, Coulter's line for AG features shorts, jeans, vests, jackets and skirts in graphic and foil prints, with laser-cut detailing or embellishment. More yet-to-be-announced tastemakers will be featured in the ongoing AG Stylist Series. In February the denim brand will also unveil a capsule line in partnership with British heritage brand, Liberty London. The 15-item collection will showcase three iconic Liberty floral prints on denim in three favorite AG washes. Silhouettes include legging jeans, denim shorts, a chambray shirt and shirtdress, a romper and a fringed scarf. All fabrics are made and printed in Italy; pieces are priced from $198-$275. Available at the brand's store on North Beverly Drive in Beverly Hills, agjeans.com and Scoop stores.
Nine West x Kirna Zabête
New York City fashion boutique Kirna Zabête has been a Soho shopping destination for nearly 15 years. On the heels of their collaboration with Target, owners Sarah Easly and Beth Buccini have now teamed up with footwear brand Nine West to design a line of shoes that will land in stores next month. The design duo will add four new styles (a flat, flip-flop, mid-heel and high heel) to the capsule collection each month for the next six months. Their concept is a "shoe wardrobe" with styles that fit landmark spring occasions or the month's weather, such as April showers (rubber sandals and neoprene boots) and Mother's Day in May (matching sandals for mother and daughter). Priced from $49 to $149, the footwear launches in February and continues through July at ninewest.com and kirnazabete.com.
DVF Loves ROXY
Renowned New York City fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg is teaming up with Huntington Beach-based surf and snow lifestyle brand Roxy for a limited-edition swim collection this spring. The line will feature von Furstenberg's statement prints on 35 of Roxy's signature styles, includingswimsuits and cover-ups, rash guards, board shorts and beach bags. "The collection is playful and fun...we wanted to empower women to go for it and ride the wave," says von Furstenberg. Priced from $38-$88, DVF Loves Roxy will launch on March 7 at select Nordstrom, Bloomingdale's and Quiksilver stores and roxy.com.
Fred Perry & No Doubt
We had not heard from local band No Doubt in more than a decade, but it is no surprise that the group, fronted by style maven Gwen Stefani, is launching a capsule fashion line, just months after dropping their latest album, "Push and Shove." Influenced by their ska and reggae roots, No Doubt has updated three signature silhouettes for sportswear brand Fred Perry: The short-sleeved, collared shirt, available in men's and women's sizes ($95), a V-neck sweater in a colorful riff on tartan plaid ($170), and a 1950s-style, tartan-checked bomber jacket ($250). All three styles have a tri-color No Doubt tab at the hemline. "Fred Perry is a classic inspiration that has been part of our style since the beginning," says Stefani. "Doing this collaboration is an honor." Fred Perry's last collaboration was with the late songstress Amy Winehouse on an apparel line in 2010 and 2011. No Doubt's limited-edition shirt is available now, and the other two pieces will launch in February, exclusively online at fredperry.us/prereg-nodoubt/.
Loeffler Randall x Tucker
Some of the shoes and handbags in New York accessory line Loeffler Randall's spring collection feature bold prints by another Manhattan brand: Tucker by Gaby Basora. Loeffler Randall designer Jessie Randall turned to friend Basora, whose fashion label is known for its signature blouses in playful prints, to help create patterns and fabrics "echoing high-society glamour of the French seaside." The result? A bold black-and-white geometric and a colorful floral on a dark background, both showcased on linen-silk fabric that combines ease with elegance. The collaborative designs include a clutch handbag, a mini cross-body bag, and three shoe styles (platform sandals, pumps and an espadrille tennis shoe). Ranging from $195 to $425, the five styles launch Feb. 5 on loefflerrandall.com and at Saks Fifth Avenue, Barneys New York and TenOverSix on Melrose Avenue in West Hollywood.
H&M for Brick Lane Bikes
While rumors are swirling about an upcoming collaboration between H&M and French fashion house Givenchy, designed by Riccardo Tisci, a local spokeswoman for the fast-fashion retailer would not confirm the partnership. But the Sweden-based brand has made public a spring menswear collaboration with custom bike retailer Brick Lane Bikes of East London. Inspired by urban cycling and designed to be worn on or off a bicycle, the 11-piece collection fuses function with urban street fashion. Each style was road tested for wearability by Brick Lane Bikes staff. In synch with the eco-friendly nature of bicycle-riding, the line is made of sustainable materials, including organic cotton, recycled polyester and recycled cotton. Available on March 7 in select H&M stores.
The Mavi/Chalayan Collection
Turkish denim brand Mavi partners with British designer Hussein Chalayan (whose parents are Turkish) on a capsule collection for their higher-end Mavi Gold denim line. In stretchy dark denim, with black mesh and elastic band detailing, the 17 styles include skinny and high-rise jeans, jeggings, shorts, a skirt, dresses and tops, ranging from $160 to $200. The X-fit fabric, a signature of the Mavi Gold line, features horizontal and vertical stretch for a streamlined look and added comfort. Known for his avant-garde designs, Chalayan says he "was hoping to find new ways to shape and enhance the body with denim in this collaboration." Available in March at mavi.com .
A.P.C. Retrosuperfuture; A.P.C. + Tooshie
French fashion brand A.P.C., known for its understated designs, has collaborated with Retrosuperfuture sunglasses, loved by celebrities such as Justin Bieber, Kanye West and Rihanna. Handmade in Italy, the limited-edition line of four acetate sunnies with Zeiss lenses are priced from $260 and are to hit stores on March 1. A.P.C. also continues the third year of a successful partnership with Parisian swimwear label Tooshie. This spring's exclusive six-piece line of swimwear, launched this month, includes a men's swim trunk in four patterns, four women's swimsuits and one shimmery gold cover-up. All pieces are double-lined, hand-finished and crafted in Italy. Ranging from $215 to $360, they are available at A.P.C. on North Croft Avenue in West Hollywood.
Camper Together with Bernhard Willhelm, Veronique Branquinho, Romain Kremer
Spanish footwear brand Camper, known for its fusion of comfort and style, continues a long, ongoing partnership with three designers: Parisian Romain Kremer, currently the creative director of Thierry Mugler Men, and more prominent Belgian designers Veronique Branquinho and Bernhard Willhelm. In his sixth season, Kremer offers updates on the boat shoe in nautical-inspired colors, with a wedge heel for ladies. For her seventh partnership, Branquinho introduces a clean-lined platform derby shoe and "creepers" sandals in earthy hues. Willhelm, a veteran collaborator in his eighth season, creates cork-soled, animal-print bootie sandals with cylindrical heels and reinvents the brand's wedge high-top in bold color and print. All lines launch in early February at the Camper store in the The Original Farmer's Market at 6333 W. 3rd St. and camper.com


text: I was just over at the Four Horsemen's new site sourcehorsemen.com, and in the big announcement on the front page that the site is now live, there is a picture of the Horsemen team-- Eric Treadaway, Cornboy, Jim Preziosi and the Fighting Foe-Men 3-- Shane Dittsworth, Sherri Lynn Cook and O-dawg. However, not pictured or listed was founding member Chris Dahlberg. Has he left the group? Is this old news? Will this, or has this already, affected our beloved MOTUC?


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|Article Index
|UNRIC Library Newsletter - June 2011
|New information material
|New titles
|All Pages
On-line Access to UN Documents simplified:
Example: To find Security Council Resolution S/RES/1969(2011), you would only need to type in undocs.org/S/RES/1969(2011)
New Websites within the UN System
News Focus: Appointing UN chief
English: http://www.un.org/apps/news/infocusRel.asp?infocusID=122&Body=Ban+Ki-moon&Body1=second+consecutive+term
French: http://www.un.org/apps/newsFr/infocusRelF.asp?infocusID=98&Body=Ban+Ki-moon&Body1=mandat
On 21 June 2011, the United Nations General Assembly agreed to appoint Ban Ki-moon to a second consecutive term as the Secretary-General of the 192-member Organization. Under the resolution, which was adopted by acclamation, Mr. Ban's second term will run from 1 January 2012 to 31 December 2016.
General Assembly 66th session - Annotated Agenda (A/66/100)
English, French & Spanish: http://undocs.org/A/66/100
The annotated preliminary list of items for the upcoming 66th session of the General Assembly has been issued (A/66/100). The 66th session will officially open on 13 September 2011 with the general debate taking place from 21 September.
Archives and Records Management Section - new website
The Archives and Records Management Section of the Department of Management has released its new website featuring new content as well as a new layout and an enhanced e-learning tool: http://archives.un.org/ARMS/node/29?Epage=100.
This website brings together information about the United Nations archives collections and services with resources and tools to support records management programmes in all UN offices worldwide and Peacekeeping Operations. The news and development section on the home page presents events organized by the Archives and Records Management Section both at headquarters and in the field as well as new information material of notable interest.
United Nations Language Outreach Portal
The Department for General Assembly and Conference Management (DGACM) has launched the "United Nations Language Outreach Portal" that is designed to guide and assist individuals in identifying language career opportunities at the United Nations, to choose appropriate academic training, and/or to prepare for United Nations Language Competitive Examinations.
UN Department of Economic and Social Affairs, Social Policy and Development Division – new website
The new DSPD/DESA website site reflects DESA's work in social development and its outreach. Through the new site, both existing users and new visitors can gain a greater understanding of the Division's activities and achievements in promoting social development for all.
Aide Memoire for the consideration of issues pertaining to the protection of civilians in armed conflict – 4th edition
(OCHA, Policy and Studies Series, Vol. I, N°4, 2011)
Hundreds of thousands of civilians in armed conflicts continue to face the serious violations of international humanitarian and human rights law. This fourth edition is an important practical tool for the Security Council to enhance its actions to protect civilians and can also be used as the basis for analysis and reporting of protection concerns during humanitarian crises.
Report of the Secretary-General on the modalities for the establishment of specialized Somali anti-piracy courts (S/2011/360, 13 June 2011)
English, French & Spanish: http://undocs.org/S/2011/360
This report was submitted pursuant to para. 26 of Security Council resolution 1976 (2011) of 11 Apr. 2011. The Annexes include: 1. Incidents of piracy off the coast of Somalia and numbers of prosecutions by States -- 2. Somalia political and legal context -- 3. Numbers and level of training of legal professionals in each of the 3 regions of Somalia, and information about legal professionals among the Somali diaspora -- 4. Financiers, facilitators, leaders and planners of piracy -- 5. Update of UN assistance to States in the region to prosecute and imprison.
The United Nations and Decolonization
English: http://www.un.org/en/decolonization/
French: http://www.un.org/fr/decolonization/
Spanish: http://www.un.org/es/decolonization/
In a vast political reshaping of the world, more than 80 former colonies comprising some 750 million people have gained independence since the creation of the United Nations. The United Nations and Decolonization website has been completely overhauled. Now available in all six official languages, it includes a historical narrative, relevant documents, press releases, and photo galleries.
United Nations Peacekeeping Operations – Fact Sheet: 30 April 2011 (DPI/1634/Rev.120, May 2011)
English: http://www.un.org/en/peacekeeping/documents/bnote010101.pdf
French: http://www.un.org/fr/peacekeeping/documents/bnotepkf.pdf
United Nations Political and Peacebuilding Missions – Fact Sheet: 30 April 2011 (DPI/2166/Rev.95, May 2011)
English: http://www.un.org/en/peacekeeping/documents//ppbm.pdf
French: http://www.un.org/french/peace/peace/pdf/ppbmf.pdf
Adapting for a Green Economy: Companies, Communities and Climate Change - A Caring for Climate report (UN Global Compact / UNEP / Oxfam / WRI)
Climate adaptation offers competitive advantages to businesses worldwide, according to this new report jointly released by the UN Global Compact, the UN Environment Programme (UNEP), Oxfam and the World Resources Institute. In response to a survey of global businesses, 86 percent described responding to climate risks or investing in adaptation as a business opportunity.
AIDS at 30: Nations at the crossroads (UNAIDS)
This report provides evidence of how much we have achieved and weighs that against our vision for the future: zero new HIV infections, zero discrimination and zero AIDS-related deaths. As the world marks 30 years of AIDS, UNAIDS estimates 34 million people are living with HIV and nearly 30 million people have died of AIDS-related causes since the first case of AIDS was reported on 5 June 1981.
Climate Change, Water, and Food Security (FAO)
Published by the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) this is a comprehensive survey of existing scientific knowledge on the anticipated consequences of climate change for water use in agriculture. Climate change will have major impacts on the availability of water for growing food and on crop productivity in the decades to come.
Decoupling: Natural Resource Use and Environmental Impacts from Economic Growth (UNEP)
The Report launched during Green Week in Brussels underline the challenge facing the EU under its recently adopted Thematic Strategy on the Sustainable Use of Natural Resources under the 6th Environmental Action Program. Dramatic differences exist between many countries in Europe and their consumption of natural resources.
Environmentally Induced Migration and Sustainable Development
(Background Paper, January 2011, UNDESA/DSD and UNU-EHS)
The impact of environmentally induced migration (EIM) on sustainable development and the achievement of the Millennium Development Goals is an emerging and relatively unexplored issue. This paper – that will be presented at the 18th Annual Conference of the European association of Environmental and Resource Economists (29 June - 2 July, Rome) analyses the nexus between environmental change and migration from the angle of sustainable development at regional, national and international levels, with focus on migration induced by slow-onset environmental degradation and exacerbated by climate change.
The Global Crisis: Causes, Responses and Challenges (ILO)
This new report published by the International Labour Organization (ILO) shows how well-designed employment and social policies can play a crucial role in both boosting job creation and making economic growth more solid and equitable.
Programme of Action for the Least Developed Countries for the Decade 2011-2020
English, French & Spanish: http://undocs.org/A/CONF.219/3/Rev.1
The programme of action was adopted at the Fourth United Nations Conference on the Least Developed Countries held in Istanbul, Turkey, 9-13 May 2011 and "represents the enhanced commitments of the least developed countries, which have the ownership of and primary responsibility for their own development, and their development partners to a renewed and strengthened global partnership".
Recycling Rates of Metals: A Status Report (UNEP)
Failure to recycle many metals around the world not only causes wasted resources and environmental damage, it threatens shortages of elements essential to modern technologies, according to the first-ever comprehensive analysis of the problem. "In spite of significant efforts in a number of countries and regions, many metal recycling rates are discouragingly low, and a 'recycling society' appears no more than a distant hope," the United Nations Environment Program (UNEP) states in a new report, the first attempt to gather accurate and consistent information about the extent to which metals are collected, processed and reused in new products. The weak performance is especially frustrating because, unlike most other resources, metals are "inherently recyclable," says the study compiled by the UNEP-hosted International Resource Panel.
World Report on Disability (WHO / World Bank)
Report in English, Summary also available in French & Spanish: http://www.who.int/disabilities/world_report/2011/report/fr/index.html
The first-ever "World report on disability" provides the first global estimates of persons with disabilities in 40 years and an overview of the status of disability in the world. New research shows that almost one-fifth of the estimated global total of persons living with disabilities, or between 110-190 million, encounter significant difficulties. The report stresses that few countries have adequate mechanisms in place to respond to the needs of people with disabilities. Barriers include stigma and discrimination, lack of adequate health care and rehabilitation services; and inaccessible transport, buildings and information and communication technologies. As a result, people with disabilities experience poorer health, lower educational achievements, fewer economic opportunities and higher rates of poverty than people without disabilities.
10th Anniversary of the Durban Declaration and Programme of Action
General Assembly High-level Meeting – 22 September 2011
English: http://www.un.org/en/ga/durbanmeeting2011/
French: http://www.un.org/fr/ga/durbanmeeting2011/
Spanish: http://www.un.org/es/ga/durbanmeeting2011/
The UN General Assembly will hold a one day high-level meeting in New York on 22 September 2011, to commemorate the 10th anniversary of the adoption of the Durban Declaration and Programme of Action, the international community's blueprint for action to fight racism. A one-day event at the level of Heads of State and Government, the meeting will take the form of a plenary session and a series of round table discussions.
Guiding Principles on Business and Human Rights: Implementing the United Nations "Protect, Respect and Remedy" Framework
English, French & Spanish: http://undocs.org/A/HRC/17/31
The United Nations Human Rights Council has endorsed a new set of Guiding Principles for Business and Human Rights designed to provide -for the first time- a global standard for preventing and addressing the risk of adverse impacts on human rights linked to business activity. The Guiding Principles are the product of six years of research led by Professor Ruggie from Harvard University, involving governments, companies, business associations, civil society, affected individuals and groups, investors and others around the world. They are based on 47 consultations and site visits in more than 20 countries; an online consultation that attracted thousands of visitors from 120 countries; and voluminous research and submissions from experts from all over the world.
The Human Right to Water and Sanitation
A new thematic section on the human right to water and sanitation is now accessible from the website of the "'Water for Life' Decade.
Special Procedures Visual Directory 1 January- 31 July 2011
The Special Procedures of the Human Rights Council are independent human rights experts with mandates to report and advise on human rights from a thematic or country specific perspective. The system of Special Procedures is a central element of the United Nations human rights machinery and covers all sets of rights: civil, cultural, economic, political, and social. As of May 2011, there are 42 Special Procedures (33 thematic mandates and nine mandates relating to countries or territories) with currently 60 mandate-holders.
Humanitarian Affairs
Disaster Waste Management Guidelines (OCHA / UNEP)
Disasters and conflicts can generate large quantities of solid and liquid waste that threaten public health, hinder reconstruction and impact the environment. These guidelines provide advice and tools to manage DW in emergency and early recovery phases.
UNHCR Global Trends 2010: 60 years and still counting - 2010 in Review: Trends at a glance
By end 2010, there were 43.7 million forcibly displaced people worldwide, the highest number in 15 years. The report reveals deep imbalance in international support for the world's forcibly displaced, with a full four-fifths of the world's refugees being hosted by developing countries.
International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia (ICTY): Ratko Mladić Case
Crimes of Sexual Violence - ICTY launches Web Feature
The Outreach Programme of the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia has released a new feature on the prosecution of the crimes of sexual violence. The feature describes the enormous contribution the Tribunal made to the prosecution and adjudication of crimes of this nature.
Following the lead of its sister tribunal for Rwanda, the Tribunal was among the first courts of its kind to bring explicit charges of wartime sexual violence, and to define gender crimes such as rape and sexual enslavement under customary law.
The Brussels based United Nations Regional Information Centre for Western Europe - UNRIC provides information on UN activities to the countries of the region. It also provides liaison with institutions of the European Union in the field of information. Its outreach activities extend to all segments of society and joint campaigns, projects and events are organized with partners including the EU, governments, the media, NGOs, schools and local authorities.
United Nations Regional Information Centre for Western Europe (UNRIC Brussels)
Residence Palace, Rue de la Loi/Wetstraat 155, Block C2,7th and 8th floor, Brussels 1040, Belgium
Tel.: +32 2 788 8484 / Fax: 32 2 788 8485


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Yeah, [Kishmond] came back from Africa, but the ponies have him now.
Martyk is a handsome fish.
This dolphin is delicious.
<Sgore> Martyk, mentally I always picture you as like, our forums bartender.<Neoadept> I've always pictured you trapped in a tuna net
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.
No, no, he did. In the everything else section, at least. Officially, this makes him king.
It looks really cool, and it's just a movie for fun. Plus it could just be vents for the saber which looks like it was makeshift based on the blade.
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They weren't supposed to be in the game. Not the Tennessee Volunteers at home against Georgia, not the Memphis Tigers at home against Central Florida.
But then that's the view from the outside, which is not always clearer than the view from the inside.
"We told them, 'don't be surprised if we have success. Stay focused on the task at hand until the game's over."'
Those were Tigers coach Justin Fuente's words. His team stayed with a Central Florida team that beat Penn State and scared South Carolina. But the Tigers gave up two touchdowns in the span of nine seconds and lost 24-17.
No one would call the Memphis Tigers' or Tennessee Volunteers' seasons to date successful, but last weekend's close losses to vastly superior opponents for each team proved they are on the right path.
(Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports)
(AP Photo/Wade Payne)
No doubt, Vols coach Butch Jones and his staff had similar advice for their team before No. 6 Georgia came to Neyland Stadium. In fact, Jones even set up a more reachable goal for his team: get to the fourth quarter with a chance to win. That goal was met, though the ultimate objective was not as UT lost in overtime, 34-31.
From afar, we might have laughed at the mere suggestion the Tigers and Vols would have "success," the quote marks necessary because we are still talking about two losses. But it also says something that "heartbreaking" is the only fitting description for each game's outcome.
Odd as it is to say, the Tigers and Vols simultaneously met with failure while overachieving. How did it happen?
Tennessee running back Alden "Pig" Howard appeared to score a go-ahead touchdown in overtime as he hurled himself toward the pylon at the right front corner of Georgia's end zone. The initial call on the field was a touchdown. But the ball came out of Howard's hand before he reached his destination. The eye in the sky (instant replay) did not blink and neither did Georgia.
The killer for Memphis came after UCF had tied the game and then kicked off. Marquis Warford returned the ball into a buzz saw named William Stanback. Warford fumbled. Another UCF player picked up the loose ball and scored what would be the winning touchdown.
Those are the gory details. More important, the questions that follow: What comes next for these rebuilding programs? Were those almost, but-not-quite upset victories hopeful signs or further evidence that in Memphis and in Knoxville losing winnable games is a hard habit to break?
"We never gave up and we fought until the very last play," Vols quarterback Justin Worley said. "I think you have to look at that as an outsider and say, `this team is doing something.'"
That's a bold statement. But maybe also a correct statement. For Tennessee and for the Tigers.
Which isn't to say that players on either team are marking down what happened on Saturday as a "moral victory." Tigers right tackle Nykiren Wellington said they can't do that.
"Because it wasn't a victory," he said in logic impossible to deny.
Does Memphis appear to be improved from a year ago? Many signs say the answer is yes, including the defense being ranked 16th nationally in yards allowed (319.8 per game) in an era in which schemes and rules all seem to tilt toward offenses.
But as the old saying goes, you are what your record says you are. And the Tigers are 1-3, 0-1 in the American Athletic Conference.
Tennessee is 3-3, 0-2 in the SEC. So Jones, in his first year at UT, is saying things like, "it's another step, it's another building block," and "it's a process" and "we have to learn how to finish."
So yeah, it's easy to be skeptical if you want to be.
Not so easy: figuring out how to balance the knowledge that you showed you could hang with a really good team while also accepting the fact you still took a loss.
"Take a peek back there and remind yourself of things you don't want to do," UT running back Rajion Neal said of his mindset. "But the biggest thing is don't dwell on it."
Fuente, by the way, doesn't believe that his team was surprised to be in a position to win the game. But he does wonder: Did some of the players allow a dangerous thought to creep forward, giving themselves a moment to ponder how good it would feel to win the game?
"You can't do that," Fuente said. "In the last four minutes of the game you have to do the same things you did (at the start) to give yourself a chance."
And once the game is over, in that immediate and painful aftermath when you know you can't get back what might have been?
Tigers safety Anthony Watson did the only thing that made sense to him. He went to work, studied film.
"Just wanted to evaluate the mistakes I made and the defensive mistakes we made to see what we can do better," he said.
Doing better can happen as soon as this Saturday, Oct. 12, at undefeated Houston. That's the next opportunity to get a real W and, well, not have this conversation.
"Can't mope on it," Watson said. "Have to move forward."
And be ready to make good on the next opportunity to finish.
Copyright 1995 -
by The Daily News Publishing Co. Inc. - All Rights Reserved


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Roasted Bone-in Chicken Breast Recipe
Your source for quick recipe every single week day.
Adapted from Cook's Illustrated.
- Yield:serves 4
- Active time: 10 minutes
- Total time:45 minutes
- Rated:
- 2 whole bone-in chicken breasts, or 4 split breasts, trimmed of excess fat, about 3 pounds total
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
- Herb or spices for the butter, such as minced garlic or parsley (optional)
- Salt and pepper
- 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
Heat an oven to 450°F. Line a broiler pan with foil and set a rack on top of it. In a small bowl, combine the butter and 1/2 teaspoon salt. If desired, add herbs or other flavorings to the butter.
Season the both sides of the chicken breasts liberally with salt and pepper. Using a finger, carefully loosen the skin from the meat and slide the butter underneath it. Using the back of a spoon, carefully spread the butter evenly under the skin of each breast.
Rub the skin of each breast with vegetable oil. Place the breasts on the rack and roast until the skin is golden brown and the meat is cooked through, 30-35 minutes. Transfer to a cutting board to rest for 5 minutes.
Carve the breast off the breastbone and rib cage, then slice cross-wise. Serve immediately.
This Recipe Appears InDinner Tonight: Roasted Bone-in Chicken Breast
This post may contain links to Amazon or other partners; your purchases via these links can benefit Serious Eats. Read more about our affiliate linking policy.


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Localytics provides an HTML5 analytics service which works out-of-the-box on BlackBerry 10 WebWorks applications to provide near real-time data gathering. The great part about this solution is that if you have used Localytics in any of your HTML5 applications on other platforms or web pages then you can use the same calls you already know when making your web app for BlackBerry 10!
For Cascades developers, Localytics has created a QML wrapper for their HTML5 service to give you easy integration into your apps as well. This unique approach to service exposure (HTML5 to QML) showcases the ingenuity of the Localytics developers as well as the versatility and power of the Cascades platform.
Localytics offers both free and tiered paid services depending on the scale of your app.
For more info:
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Get Started with Localytics for HTML5
Get the WebWorks sample


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22 Jun, 2017
Center Signs Rebranded. . Brand New Look
Literacy Centers Rebranded with a NEW Look! I have renamed many of my Literacy Centers and I am loving it... Literacy centers can be a blessing or a pain. I think it all hinges on the design, and organization that makes a difference. This is my thinking on why I changed the names of the literacy centers which ended up being a smart decision for me, and effective for my kindergarten students. I made the many centers labeled with Career Connections! I organize the centers to represent our
02 Apr, 2017
Minion Egg Trash or Treasure - Spring Center
Egg Themed Minion Trash or Treasure! I found these adorable minion eggs , Easter Tin , and the grabbers at Meijer. So I made a quick Trash or Treasure activity for my Spring Math and Literacy Centers. Believe it or not, I got an incredible buy......Minion glasses for only a $1.00. I was so excited because they could not find a price on them and they did not have time to look up the price so they said the magical words, "just charge a dollar". I made my activity complete! My Students Love
02 Apr, 2017
Spring Plastic Eggs Math And Literacy Centers
New Spring Centers that I am "Egg"-cited About! I'm so egg-cited to have finished my spring egg centers just in time for Easter! They're all ready to go so I wanted to share them with you! I was focused on the plastic eggs after walking into the Dollar Store and realizing how many I could get for that price. We all know how awesome those plastic easter eggs are for the classroom. There are so many uses for these amazing teaching tools. And they're SO inexpensive ! I thought I would share
13 Dec, 2016
Oh Christmas Tree Math and Literacy Center Activity – Eraser Race Games
These Christmas tree matching activities are a fun way for kids to learn the alphabet and number sense. There are different trees with practicing beginning Sounds, sight words, and number recognition . These would be an excellent preschool math and reading center activities for Christmas! Eraser Race Games are a great option for your early finishers, math centers, enrichment opportunities, and intervention groups. Each game focuses on a math or literacy skill and involves your students to


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Ag Progress Days offers new information for equine devotees
Ag Progress Days offers new information for equine devotees
UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. -- Penn State's Ag Progress Days exposition, Aug. 13-15, will provide entertaining yet educational activities for horse lovers of all ages and experience levels, according to organizers in the College of Agricultural Sciences.
The event's annual Equine Experience will offer a full schedule of training and breed clinics, demonstrations, informational displays and lectures, noted Ann Macrina, senior instructor in the Department of Animal Science.
"This year, Dave Rohrbauch, of Bee Tree Trail, will demonstrate Percheron draft horses hitched in various configurations including one with 10 horses," said Macrina, who coordinates the Equine Experience events. "These magnificent horses will be hitched and driven once each day, plus once for a special performance during the Wednesday Evening Extravaganza, with each performance showcasing a different hitch.
"The Evening Extravaganza will open with a salute to America presented by the Youth Ambassadors of the Capital Area Therapeutic Riding Association, followed by a racing game demonstration sponsored by the Keystone Appaloosa Club."
On Tuesday, the Mid-Atlantic Friesian Association will present its noble Friesian Horses. Retired racehorses will make their appearance on Wednesday as Cheryl Keller, of New Vocations Racehorse Adoption Program, will show how these superb athletes can transition to different careers.
Ben Nolt, a certified riding instructor, horse trainer and clinician with more than 50 years of involvement with the horse industry, will give a demonstration -- titled "Teaching Your Horse to Drive" -- using miniature horses.
Other events will feature drill-team performances and horseback racing games, and the Pennsylvania State Police Mounted Patrol will demonstrate crowd control using horses.
Penn State faculty, staff and students also will conduct handling demonstrations geared toward helping horse owners learn skills to work with their horses more safely and confidently.
Other breed and training demonstrations will feature Quarter Horses, Paso Finos and -- although not a horse breed – Border Collies. "Visitors can watch as these highly intelligent animals herd sheep," Macrina said.
In addition to the riding and training demonstrations, a series of lectures will be presented in the Equine Learning Center. Tuesday will feature a mini-conference on equine nutrition and management with equine experts from throughout the Northeast and Midwest. The Wednesday workshops will cover new information on equine chiropractic care, dentistry, bit selection and fitting, tack care, and handling equine emergencies.
Returning this year on Thursday is the Penn State Equine Science Horse Quiz Bowl competition. Teams of four in two age divisions (8-12 and 13-18 years old) will compete in a test of equine knowledge. Registrations will be accepted on a first-come, first-served basis.
The Pennsylvania Equine Council's Learning Station will allow visitors to groom a horse, visit with council members and learn what issues are at the forefront of Pennsylvania's equine industry.
Penn State equine science faculty and staff will be available all three days at the Equine Arena and Equine Exhibits Building to answer questions and provide information.
Sponsored by Penn State's College of Agricultural Sciences, Ag Progress Days is held at the Russell E. Larson Agricultural Research Center at Rock Springs, nine miles southwest of State College on Route 45. Hours are 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Aug. 13; 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. on Aug. 14; and 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Aug. 15. Admission and parking are free.
For more information, visit the Ag Progress Days website. Twitter users can find and share information about the event by using the hashtag #agprogress.


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Israel News - Stay Informed, Pray Informed
According to the UN, the Arab nation of Qatar in the Persian Gulf has launched a contingent of 200 soldiers to the UN force. This is the first group of soldiers from an Arab country to join UNIFIL, and this is the first time that Qatar has ever sent any troops to a peacekeeping mission.
In addition, the Malaysian official news agency has announced last week that the government has approved the deployment of a 360-member Malaysian team, who will depart for southern Lebanon on January 15 to begin their duties with the UN peacekeeping force.
The UNIFIL forces are continuing to give humanitarian assistance to the local population, including medical assistance and even dentistry. Only in the past week, the UNIFIL forces have treated the teeth of 55 Lebanese and have given medical treatment to 300 additional Lebanese citizens.
In addition to the humanitarian work, the forces are also continuing with the security duties, including the dismantling of explosives left behind after the war. According to UN figures, the forces have defused 1,019 missiles, grenades, cluster bombs, anti-tank and anti-personnel mines during the past week alone. Since the ceasefire on August 14, the forces have dismantled a total of 16,819 charges of different types.
A statement issued by the Israeli Foreign Ministry in Jerusalem said that "we are pleased that the deployment of the UNIFIL force in Lebanon has been carried out and completed according to plan."
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