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Seismic Station
Ohio Seismic Network
The College of Wooster seismometer is part of the State of Ohio's seismic network
administered by the Geological Survey, Division of Natural Resources. OhioSeis utilizes a broadband, digitally recording seismometer registered by a GPS clock.
Our mission is to collect information on regional and global seismic events and to
disseminate this information to the local community and to interested researchers.
Latitude - 40 degrees, 48.95' north Longitude - 81 degrees, 56.27' west


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Note: Not a WoW related post. You may mark as read. If you're interested in learning how to stalk your readers, you may continue.
One of the few pleasures a blogger can take is to simply stare at their stats as they go up (or down). Think of it as damage meters for bloggers. In the past, I've used Google Analytics to examine and watch for trends on my blog. There's a lot of useful information you can gather if you know how to make sense of it. I know there has to be some bloggers out there who have all these details statistical tools at their disposal yet have no idea how to utilize it and make sense of it.
Don't worry! I'm here to teach!
Enter Woopra
Woopra is a program that allows you to track all sorts of crazy stuff about your readers. I caught wind of it several weeks ago and I didn't believe it was true. Naturally my curiosity got the best of me and I grabbed it and installed it.
The installation process consists of two parts:
- Installing a script or plugin on your blog
- Downloading the software
After that, you need to set up an account with Woopra and twiddle your thumbs until they approve of your blog. There doesn't appear to be any criteria. The limitations are purely technical. They're slowly expanding their servers to handle the load, however.
Anyways, lets get more indepth into what this sucker can do. Click the images to expand their size.
This is the dashboard. It's the first thing you see when you login from the client. It gives you a great overview of things that you want to know right away. The line graph on top shows you unique hits (in green) and page views (in yellow). If you're interested in the hard numbers, the top left window shows you what your hits look like in the past few weeks. The window on the right displays the pages that have been viewed today. The windows on the bottom show your referrers, searches that people have used to find your blog and geographical locations of your visitors.
This is the live portion of your blog. You can track in real time who is visiting your blog and what pages they are going to. It also shows the specs and platform of what your visitors are using when they view your blog. Here's an example of me visiting my blog. It shows country and city of origin, OS language, local time, browser, and screen resolution. This information becomes important later on. I'll explain why in a moment.
This is the analytics portion of Woopra. This shows traffic levels on a day to day basis. It's a brief overview of your hits. It tells you the amount of time spent per page, how many new visitors you've picked up, unique hits, and total page views. It even tags your visitors with the names they leave when they comment. There's even a systems section which tracks what your users are using to view your blog in bulk.
For example, if you know that over 85% of your visitors view your blog on a resolution 1024 x 768, you can factor this into your blog's design – namely that your blog's width should
not exceed 1024 pixels to ensure maximum readability.
It also pays to ensure that your blog is useable on different browser platforms. 45% of readers to World of Matticus read on Firefox 2 and 43% read on Internet Explorer. The rest use a combination of Opera, Mozilla, or Safari.
This section is where you can start making some generalizations and realizations about your blog. The tab here shows information like your most popular pages, landing pages, exit pages, and outgoing links.
What can I learn here? I can tell the most popular pages I have are ones involving stats. They're great for drawing search engine traffic to your WoW blog. No one really wants to go through the effort of cross referencing WoW DB and their character to figure out what gear they should shoot for. Instead, they turn to google hoping that some other poor sucker (a la me) has done the work for them.
Landing pages refer to the first page that your visitors land on when they load your blog. It's not always the main page. It could be a link to one of your posts from a different blogger. Knowing this, you can spend a bit more time on what people seem to land on the most and develop and make it more attractive. I could add a little note to my Holy Priest gear page and ask new visitors to subscribe or "if they like this, why not check out my Kara requirements post?" kind of thing.
Exit pages are the exact opposite. They refer to the page your visitors are on before they navigate away. You might want to stick a note at the bottom of the post that says something like "thanks for visiting, please come again!" or some such.
Outgoing links are fairly self explanatory. It measures what your visitors seem to click on the most when they want to escape from your blog.
Here's a graphical interpretation of referrals. There's different sorts. It can track referrals by direct links, search engines, feed readers, emails, social bookmarks, and social networks. A funny note is that I appear to have gotten more hits from Master Ratshag and Egotistical Priest individually then WoW Insider today. It's a neat way of realizing where your traffic is coming from so you can reciprocate in kind.
I like the social networks part because I think this is the first tool that tracks inbound links from my Twitter and my Facebook.
Lastly, you can see what your readers are typing in search engines to find your blog. From this list, I can see that most of my traffic comes from people looking up Priest gear or raiding requirements for Zul'Aman and Karazhan. Sure enough, a quick search for Holy Priest gear ranks my list as the top result.
In summary
If used properly and strategically, Woopra can be a tremendous asset. It can tell you key information such as:
- Best time to publish a post
- Visitor information that can be useful for your next redesign
- Search engine trends
- What your visitors deem popular

subset: commoncrawl


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Teak Carpet for your Sheerline 950 Helm Fwd Cockpit
Supplied to stock template.
Please be aware that these templates are taken from a generic vessel and are not bespoke to your own boat. The carpet will be cut to the template we have as pictured. Although the boat mouldings are generally the same, certain items may differ slightly, i.e seat posts etc. It is your responsibility to ensure that the carpet is a match for your boat before purchasing. If your boat does not match the measurements pictured, we recommend you make your own templates or make use of our bespoke templating service.
Please see images for sizes.
Free Shipping.


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Arts & Culture
Subway PhotographyBy Blake Eskin
Working with words is how I've made my living, but becoming a photographer has been a longtime fantasy, fed by the vinaigrette smell of the chemistry in the college darkroom, the monographs in the library upstairs, and all the museums and galleries and bookstores I've visited in the decades since. The more amazing work I saw, the more shy I became about picking up a camera, so this fantasy was sublimated into writing about photography, even writing about writing about photography.
The pictures that speak to me most are street photographs. I wanted to be a surreptitious chronicler of urban life, like Henri Cartier-Bresson or Helen Levitt or Elliott Erwitt. Street photography took off with the Leica, a groundbreaking portable camera introduced in 1925 that used the same 35-mm film manufactured for motion pictures. By the time I became aware of street photography, its golden age—its culturally decisive moment, so to speak—was behind us. To practice street photography at the end of the twentieth century seemed like nostalgia.


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CLEVELAND (AP) The Cleveland Indians outrighted disappointing Matt LaPorta to Triple-A Columbus and added four players to their 40-man roster.
LaPorta hasn't lived up to expectations since he was acquired in 2008 from Milwaukee as part of the trade for ace CC Sabathia. LaPorta began last season in the minors after undergoing hip surgery. He batted .241 with one homer and five RBIs in 22 games. In four seasons with Cleveland, he's batted .238 with 31 homers and 120 RBIs.
The Indians sent utilityman Brent Lillibridge to Columbus. He hit .216 with three homers and eight RBIs in 43 games.
The club also purchased the contracts of outfielder Tim Fedroff and right-hander Chen-Chang Lee from Columbus and right-hander Trey Haley and T.J. House from Double-A Akron. All four were added to the 40-man roster.
Right-hander Fabio Martinez was designated for assignment.


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BLUE RIDGE, Texas (AP) — The slain girlfriend of Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher was a loyal friend who brought joy to others with her smiles and laughter, a relative said Thursday at a memorial service for the woman.
Belcher fatally shot 22-year-old Kasandra Perkins on Saturday at the Kansas City home they shared with their 3-month-old daughter, Zoey. He then drove to the Chiefs practice facility at Arrowhead Stadium, where coach Romeo Crennel, general manager Scott Pioli and defensive assistant Gary Gibbs witnessed Belcher commit suicide.
Perkins was from Texas, and family and friends gathered at a church in Blue Ridge on Thursday to remember her. Her great-uncle Ted Downing said Perkins considered Zoey to be the love of her life.
"She had a deep, deep understanding about the important things in life," Downing told mourners.
He recalled a time in Perkins' childhood when she got upset that a friend of hers didn't get a desired part in a play.
"She always had no shortage of friends — and I mean good friends," Downing said.
A white casket bedecked with a spray of white lilies and pink roses was the mourners' focal point at Ridgeview Family Fellowship in Blue Ridge, about 40 miles northeast of Dallas.
Steve Sweeney, senior pastor at Ridgeview, offered a prayer for God to bring healing to both her family and Belcher's family. He also prayed for strength for Zoey, who was at the service.
Downing told the about 200 mourners, including Chiefs team chairman Clark Hunt, that Perkins always called him her "aunt" after her brother had decided for some reason to call his wife "uncle." He said that in recent months, Perkins had informed him she'd be calling him "auntie" to reflect the diversity in their multiracial family.
He said Perkins had a knack for making everyone she met "feel like the most important person in the world."
"To put it simply, Kasi loved life," he said.
According to a police report, officers were called to the Kansas City, Mo., home of Belcher, 25, and Perkins about 7:50 a.m. Saturday. Police found Perkins on the floor of the master bathroom.
Belcher then drove about five miles to Arrowhead Stadium. When police arrived, Belcher moved behind a vehicle, out of clear view of officers, according to police. He then knelt down and shot himself once in the head.
According to Perkins' obituary, she was born in nearby McKinney, just north of Dallas, and attended elementary and middle school in the Dallas suburb of Garland. She graduated from Anderson High School in Austin in 2009. She wanted to become a teacher.
Downing said after the service that it hasn't been decided yet who will raise Zoey.
The service included a slideshow of photos of Perkins as she grew up, from a shot of her with a cowboy hat on a horse as a young girl to posing in a graduation gown to photos of her pregnant and then with her daughter.
As the slideshow of photos ended, a note from Perkins' mother was shown in which she writes that she'll promise to make sure Zoey knows "what a beautiful person her mother was."
Downing ended his eulogy by saying, "Goodbye for now, Kasi. We'll see you one day. I love you."
Another service for Perkins will be held in Austin, where Perkins' father lives. Life Celebration Funeral Home said that service will be held Saturday, followed by burial in nearby Pflugerville.
Copyright 2012 The Associated Press.


text: Sijun Forums :: View topic - LIFE Photos Of Hitler's Germany Log in to check your private messages Sijun Forums Forum Index >> Random Musings View previous topic :: View next topic Author Topic : "LIFE Photos Of Hitler's Germany" Godzilla Was MatthewmemberMember #Joined: 11 Jul 2009Posts: 237 Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 10:17 am It's very strange to go through these pictures, seems to me very evident that they sought for a new roman empire. You know history don't repeat itself because of chance, I hope you understand that? I just hope that once sometime in the future that the truth will be told, the real truth and not the manufactured. I don't think that will ever be the case, makes me sad. http://www.rense.com/grm/htgrm.htm Back to top [Shizo]memberMember #Joined: 22 Oct 1999Posts: 3938 Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 6:00 pm Wow, the color photos make it look much more real and "modern". Back to top Godzilla Was MatthewmemberMember #Joined: 11 Jul 2009Posts: 237 Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:44 am yea it looks like the 70's or something in the pics. hmm. Back to top Max OstapmemberMember #Joined: 25 Apr 2007Posts: 70Location: LA Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:41 am Whoa! These are incredible. Hitler admittedly designed the whole reich after the Roman model. He talks about it. He wanted to restore the Holy Roman Empire. He copied almost everything - the standards, the fascii, salute all with his own twist on it. You ever see his watercolors? Its all there. The whole thing was roughly designed before he even started. Back to top [Shizo]memberMember #Joined: 22 Oct 1999Posts: 3938 Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:16 pm I've seen a couple of Hitler's paintings but I didn't notice any designs for the building of the 3rd reich in them.. But again, I'm not so familiar with Hitler's art. Back to top SumalethAdministratorMember #Joined: 30 Oct 1999Posts: 2896Location: Australia Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:37 pm There's an irony in Hilter's interest of the Roman model, given that the Germanic tribes held off the Roman advance for a few hundred years and ultimately brought about Rome's downfall. But he was a Roman Catholic, so perhaps his religious heritage outweighed his national one. The Nazi salute is said to be similar to the roman one, but I think scholars tend to think the Nazis took it from germanic tribal customs rather than the romans. To the idea that Hitler took visual clues from the Romans, it'd be fun to think that he took them from modern interpretations rather than historical truths. I mean, there were no cameras in Roman times so our image of Roman society comes from artistic re-creations. Though the Romans certainly understood spectacle, which they presumably took from the Greeks before them, and the Egyptians before that. But its all just a combination of ego and land-grabbing._________________Art Links Archive -- Artists and Tutorials Back to top Max OstapmemberMember #Joined: 25 Apr 2007Posts: 70Location: LA Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 11:23 pm Don't overlook Holy Roman Empire - a product of Germans not the same as Roman Empire of the old. Which is why it had such insane support in Germany, it felt authentic to their culture. The salute is totally fake, there is no document of it at all from what i know, same with the thumbs up or down gesture. It was created by Renaissance painters during that era when they painted a lot of Roman scenes. We've all seen it. There is a name for that period in art, i forgot. I don't know if it was all about land grabbing and egos though. Its like this color revolution template, just something shady about same type of revolution happening all around at the same time. Back to top SumalethAdministratorMember #Joined: 30 Oct 1999Posts: 2896Location: Australia Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:48 am Holy Roman Empire? Hadn't come across that is my readings and watchings. My sources must be a bit too Britian-centric. I blame Time Team. All the empire-building stuff I've learned about starts with a bunch of local egos fighting to become something like "king", then then winner butts heads with the "kings" next door, then the winner wants that land across the water or down the peninsula, and then the land on the other side of that, and so on. All the great empires follow that sort of progression. And you still see it happening now; Russia has about as much land area as anyone yet they're still fighting places like Georgia over some little strip of land, and China seem hell bent on owning Tibet even though the people there share little in common with China itself. Egos and land. That's my take. _________________Art Links Archive -- Artists and Tutorials Back to top Max OstapmemberMember #Joined: 25 Apr 2007Posts: 70Location: LA Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:42 pm Holy Roman Empire - i am sure there is info on it on the web. But basically it was formed from the ashes of Rome and was largely composed of Christian Gauls. Remember in Gladiator (fiction) they were killing forest tribes? These later lived under Roman rule so they developed into Gallo-Roman society. Anyway its all good, i just love Rome. And dark ages aren't very popular topic. I am not disagreeing about the empire building at all. I am just not so sure whose empire it is thats expanding. This is not an invitation to some long winded quotation and scholarly reference filled debate, i am just saying it may not be as black and white as history books. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USGSOViaulc (overview) http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2004/sep/25/usa.secondworldwar Back to top Display posts from previous: All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First Sijun Forums Forum Index -> Random Musings All times are GMT - 8 Hours Page 1 of 1 Jump to: Select a forum Digital Art----------------Digital Art DiscussionWork in ProgressGallery/Finished Work Miscellaneous----------------Random MusingsArchive : Sep99 - Dec00 You cannot post new topics in this forumYou cannot reply to topics in this forumYou cannot edit your posts in this forumYou cannot delete your posts in this forumYou cannot vote in polls in this forum Powered by phpBB © 2005 phpBB Group


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Real or imagined
Local tea party leader Roger Ewing, in his letter to Reader Forum, sought attendance for Tuesday's meeting to hear Dr. George Watson deliver the "Latest on Obamacare." Watson is a past president of the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons. Sounds impressive?
In 2009, Mother Jones magazine took a look: "Despite the lab coats and the official-sounding name, the docs of the AAPS are hardly part of mainstream medical society. Think Glenn Beck with an MD. The group (which did not return calls for comment for this story) has been around since 1943. ... The AAPS statement of principles declares that it is 'evil' and 'immoral' for physicians to participate in Medicare and Medicaid, and its journal is a repository for quackery. ... An article on the AAPS website speculated that Barack Obama may have won the presidency by hypnotizing voters, especially cohorts known to be susceptible to 'neurolinguistic programming' -- that is, according to the writer, young people, educated people, and possibly Jews.
"For decades the AAPS has opposed any attempt -- real or imagined -- to expand the government's role in health care. ... Basically AAPS doctors believe that medicine should be a cash-and-carry business.
"This free-market fundamentalism has made the AAPS a natural ally for big corporations. Documents released as a result of the tobacco litigation the 1990s and early 2000s show that Philip Morris officials worked with AAPS executive director Jane Orient to help the company's "junk science" campaign that attacked indoor smoking bans. The tobacco company also relied on AAPS to generate 'third party press releases' in support of its agenda, according to documents in the tobacco archives. ...
"The tea-party movement has given AAPS -- a fringe operation for most of its recent history -- a much needed shot in the arm. News reports put the group's membership at about 4,000 (now closer to 3,000) members ... By comparison, the AMA (American Medical Association) has 236,000 members ..."
AMA supports the new health care law.
Last July, as reported on its website, AMA president Jeremy A. Lazarus, MD, wrote the Wall Street Journal: "While the law is not perfect, the AMA, the nation's largest physician organization, supported it because it makes necessary improvements to our health care system."
At the time, the WSJ was published by News Corp., chaired by Fox News owner Rubert Murdoch.
The Journal chose not to publish Lazarus' letter.
Bob Hooper


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Olympic gold medalist Kerri Strug – best known for sticking the landing on an injured ankle at in the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta – has landed herself a groom.
According to People, Kerri married attorney Robert Fischer at sunset in her hometown of Tucson, Ariz. on Sunday.
"Robert always wants to make me happy," the 32-year-old told the mag. "He's a little old-fashioned. He really courted me, and for a while. To this day, he still gives me flowers on a regular basis."
The couple reportedly held their reception at the Skyline Country Club, which was decorated with hundreds of orchids. The happy couple also had a fireworks show for their 200 guests and served tea and fresh scones as a morning snack, People reported.
Kerri wore a Pronovias gown on her big day that had over 5,000 Swarovski crystals adorning it.
The couple's guests included fellow Olympic star Dominique Moceanu and her former coach, Bela Karolyi.
Before the newlyweds dove into their wedding cake, Kerri told her guests, "I'll be honest: I'm really excited about the cake. Remember, I was on a diet for a lot of my life!"
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WASHINGTON — An inspector general for the U.S. intelligence community said Tuesday some admissions of crimes by spy agency workers during lie detector tests were not disclosed to law enforcement agencies because of breakdowns in government reporting procedures and poor advice from agency lawyers.
Inspector General Charles McCullough III said he has warned Director of National Intelligence James Clapper that intelligence agencies are inconsistent in their policies on handling and reporting crimes divulged by employees during polygraph tests. McCullough said Clapper has agreed to review agency guidelines governing crime reporting to ensure consistency across the U.S. government's intelligence agencies.
The revelations that polygraph admissions sometimes do not lead to crime reports comes at a critical time for federal intelligence agencies, which are increasingly relying on lie detector tests to improve a porous government security clearance process. The Obama administration is moving to toughen oversight of government workers with secret clearances after lapses in oversight were blamed for enabling National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden to disclose top secret documents about surveillance and contract worker Aaron Alexis to go undetected before he fatally shot 12 people at the Washington Navy yard last September.
McCullough said that in several cases, officials and lawyers for the National Reconnaissance Office failed to notify federal, state or local law enforcement officials after polygraphs of employees disclosed potential crimes, from child molestation and computer viewing of child pornography to narcotics possession and use. McCullough's office took up the review after a referral by Sen. Charles Grassley, R-Iowa, and a series of critical reports by McClatchy Newspapers in late 2012.
"The intelligence community lacks specific policy or guidance on how potential crimes should be reported," McCullough said during a conference call Tuesday morning. He added that Clapper's office responded by starting up "a process for coordinating an intelligence community-wide crimes reporting policy."
The inspector general reviewed the security files and lie detector tests from a sampling of nearly 300 employees of the NRO from 2009 to 2012, McCullough said. His office found that the NRO, which operates the government's spy satellites, had failed to report possible crimes from at least 3 percent of the personnel who were given polygraphs.
McCullough's review also found that lawyers in the agency's general counsel's office provided "inaccurate and inconsistent advice" to NRO officials and other officials when lie detector tests found evidence of possible crimes. That advice, McCullough said, "negatively affected the reporting of these potential crimes."
The most glaring lapse discovered by the review was the NRO's failure to promptly report possible non-federal crimes to local and state law enforcement authorities. McCullough blamed deficiencies in a 1995 government Memo of Understanding on crime reporting and the lack of authority in federal law to force agencies to report criminal admissions during lie tests.
But the inspector general review found that federal law did not impede any disclosure by agency officials. Instead, McCullough said, some NRO lawyers simply did not urge disclosure despite their ability to do so.
"Absent a legal obligation, the NRO's office of (General Counsel) chose not to report non-federal crimes to the Department of Justice or law enforcement, in some cases when those crimes posed threats to others," McCullough said.


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Birthday Pinatas
$16.99Flamingo Pinata 23in x 19in Pinata
$39.99Giant Tiki Pinata 21 1/2in x 36 1/2in Pinata
Traditional & Pull String Pinatas for Every Party
Nothing says "party" like a birthday pinata. Load the candy, hang the pinata, let them break it open, and watch the mad scramble ensue. Because they get everyone involved in the birthday fun, pinatas are party activities without peer — timeless, affordable, and barrels of laughs, even for tired and jaded adults.
But did you know that that most pinatas work just as well as birthday decorations — colorful and unusual table centerpieces, lightweight props that stand out from the rest of the decor, or hanging decorations that hold up to traffic and abuse? It's true — and this is a big part of the reason why we offer well over a hundred pinatas altogether, even themed pinatas for Easter and graduation.
So which pinata is right for your party? Our pull string pinatas are the safest bet. Designed for younger children, they remove the risk of injury from the game, sparing furniture and guests from unintended blows. Toddlers tug on colored ribbons one by one to release a treasure trove of candy and favors. There's much less mayhem and destruction, and much more opportunity to guide children through the whole process of the game.
For the big kids who've been through it all before and can safely wield a bat, our traditional pinatas are the holy grail of controlled birthday carnage, all within the bounds of organized party fun! Clear a space and let them have at it — the candy treats that spill from the pinata are much less important than the glory of being the #1 batsman t the bash. All Party City pinatas start with a base of light cardboard and papier mache molded in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, and styles, from mermaid pinatas to giant donkey pinatas, all finished with bright tissue paper and decals to bring them to life. Below are a just few of the more popular pinatas sold on the Party City site.


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Printer Friendly Version
Standard ECMA-338
80 mm (1,46 Gbytes per side) and 120
mm (4,70 Gbytes per side) DVD Re-recordable Disk (DVD-RW)
(December 2002)
This Ecma Standard specifies the mechanical, physical and optical
characteristics of an 80 mm and a 120 mm DVD Re-recordable disk
to enable the interchange of such disks. It specifies the quality
of the pre-recorded, unrecorded and the recorded signals, the
format of the data, the format of the information zone, the format
of the unrecorded zone, and the recording method, thereby allowing
for information interchange by means of such disks. This disk
is identified as a DVD Re-recordable (DVD-RW) disk.
This Ecma Standard specifies:
This Ecma Standard provides for interchange of disks between
disk drives. Together with a standard for volume and file structure,
it provides for full data interchange between data processing
The following file can be freely downloaded:


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Telecom security for a connected world
Our world is changing. As we enter a new era of connectivity, a new business reality is emerging. The race to secure tomorrow's connected enterprise has begun. To capture the huge value at stake, the message for service providers is simple: Secure every connected thing on top of the network, and tomorrow's world is yours.
Ericsson's evolved network security is the pioneer of a simpler yet more robust era of telecom security. Our market-leading solutions equip service providers with autonomous, end-to-end telecom security – built in to each layer of the network and securing all connected things everywhere, all the time. Our security management solution, powered by advanced predictive analytics and offering increased actionable visibility, ensures that you can stay a step ahead of an increasingly dynamic threat environment. By making it easier for you to assemble, integrate and automate network security at massive scale, we will enable you to connect the enterprise of tomorrow. Welcome to our quest for easy.
Our approach for end-to-end security
Security is built in to our products by design, making bolt-on security a thing of the past. Based on 3GPP standards, our robust portfolio of end-to-end security solutions is guided by our principles of evolved network security and governed by the unique Ericsson Security Reliability Model. This delivers a portfolio which is inherently secure, easy to integrate and ready to withstand evolving threats against the network.


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WALTHAM, Mass.- In a field of 16 teams at the Eric Loeschner Invitational, hosted by Fitchburg State University, both the men's and women's track teams turned in strong performances. The men turned in six great results to earn 46 points and 4th place, while the women earned 49 points and 5th place.
On the men's side, sophomore sprinter Vincent Asante (Bronx, N.Y./ High school for Arts Imagination and Inquiry) earned the Judges' first top-three performance. He finished third in the 200-meter dash with a time of 22.79 seconds, just seven-hundredths of a second behind the champion. That time beat Asante's previous season best and moves him up to seventh place in the UAA. Junior distance runner Alex Kramer (No. Andover, Mass./ No. Andover) turned in the men's best result of the tournament when he ran the 1,500-meter race. His time of 4:00.96 was good for first place by almost two full seconds. Sophomore Ed Colvin (Roslindale, Mass./ Catholic Memorial) finished third in the same race with a time of 4:03.1, just seven-tenths of a second behind second place. In the long jump, sophomore Kensai Hughes (Wayne, N.J./ Wayne Valley)continued Brandeis' success with a jump of 6.11 meters (20 feet, ½ inch), netting him a third place finish. Meanwhile rookie Viet Tran (Hawthorne, Calif./ Mira Costa) finished fourth in the triple jump with a leap of 12.42 meters (40 feet, 9 inches).Tran's effort moved him into ninth place on the UAA list for the triple jump. Finally, the 4X100-meter relay team had a strong showing by finishing in third place with a time of 44.48 seconds.
On the women's side, rookie Kristi Pisarik (Chelmsford, Mass./ Chelmsford) got the Judges going with a time of 2:29.41, good for second place in the 800-meter race. Sophomore Amelia Lundkvist (So. Portland, Maine/ Cheverus) led a group of Brandeis runners in a successful 1,500-meter race with her first place finish. Her time of 4:50.88 was the fastest by almost six seconds while sophomore Victoria Sanford (Andover, N.Y./ Andover) finished just eight-hundredths of a second behind second place with a time of 4:56.29. Junior Erin Bisceglia (Durham, Conn./ Coginchaug) was right on Sanford's heels with a fourth place finish and a time of 4:57.95. Rookie Ali Kirsch (Sharon, Mass./ Sharon) rounded out the race for Brandeis with a time of 5:04.92, good for sixth place. In the field events, senior Lily Parenteau (Scarborough, Maine/ Scarborough) earned a third place finish in the high jump with a leap of 1.58 meters (5 feet, 2 inches) that beat her previous season best and moved her into sixth place in the UAA. Junior Kim Farrington (Shirley, Mass./ Ayer) also secured a third place finish with a jump of 10.86 meters (35 feet, 7 ½ inches) in the triple jump and moved into fourth place in the UAA. Finally, junior Brittany Bell (Setauket, N.Y./ Hotchkiss School) earned some points with her 5.11 meter (16 feet, 9 inches) effort in the long jump that placed her ninth in the UAA.
Over the weekend, two Brandeis seniors also competed in the Princeton Larry Ellis Invitational. Distance runner Chris Brown (No. Chelmsford, Mass./ Chelmsford) competed in the 1,500-meter race and finished with a time of 3:47.94. He won his heat and finished 19th overall after all was said and done in a competition against mostly Division I opponents. His time was tops among Division III racers, is the second-fastest time in the UAA, and is third in Division III this season. Kate Warwick (Boxborough, Mass./ Acton-Boxborough), also a distance runner, competed in the 5,000-meter run and finished with a time of 17:29.17. Her time was good for 40th overall, is sixth in the UAA, and 27th in Division III this season.
The Judges next compete at the UAA Outdoor Track and Field Championship on April 27th, hosted by Carnegie Mellon University, in Pittsburgh, Pa.


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The Clinical Data and Research Program (CDR) encompasses active and passive surveillance of adults, adolescents, perinatal exposure, and pediatric HIV and AIDS cases. CDR provides incidence, prevalence, and projections of HIV Disease in Indiana. It also coordinates the provision of data with the goal of enhancing integration, linkage, and program performance with programs throughout the state.
Core Surveillance & IncidenceHIV disease surveillance provides summary and analytical data for planning, implementing, or evaluating HIV prevention or services programs, and for education about the disease and how to prevent transmission. Data are routinely supplied throughout Indiana and other states, to state and national health care educators and providers, state and national legislators, HIV prevention and services programs, researchers, news media, students, and the public.
Incidence Program - Serologic Testing Algorithm for Recent HIV Seroconversions (STARHS)
STARHS may improve HIV counseling and testing. STARHS may tell if a person infected with HIV got the infection in the 6 months before he/she was tested. Knowing when a person was infected with HIV may help the person and his/her health care providers decide the best treatment.
Medical Monitoring Project (MMP)
This project is a surveillance project conducted by state or local health departments in collaboration with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the National Institutes of Health (NIH), and the Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA). It is designed to produce nationally representative data on persons living with HIV Disease that are receiving care in the United States.
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This program accepts complaints from service providers and individuals that have sufficient knowledge of persons who fail to notify their partners of their HIV+ status prior to sex or sharing needles. The goal of this program is to ensure that the laws of Indiana are carried out in such a manner that both the public health and the rights of the HIV+ individuals are protected.


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Pet Circus Returning To Macey Center
SOCORRO, N.M. November 20, 2012 – Back by popular demand, Gregory Popovich's Comedy Pet Theater will delight audience members of all ages with a performance at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 27, at New Mexico Tech's Macey Center Auditorium.
Gregory Popovich returns to Socorro with his retinue of entertaining cats and dogs! The show will be at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 27.
Gregory Popovich returns to Socorro with his retinue of entertaining cats and dogs! The show will be at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 27.
"The holiday season is always about family, and so is this performance," Series Director Ronna Kalish said. "Greg Popovich's world-famous, furry felines and canines always draw a crowd, and I'm sure this year will be no exception."
The performance coincides with Socorro's annual Candy Cane Parade and Arts Crawl, taking place later in the week.
Kalish said the show is geared toward children and adults of all ages – and it indirectly supports the need for pet-rescue homes and spay-and-neuter programs to reduce the number of unwanted pets in the United States.
Popovich's Comedy Pet Theater is making its third appearance at Macey Center, this time with a new "cast" of rescue animals taking center stage.
"Greg's shows never get old," Kalish said. "Since he's been producing his popular shows at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, Nev., for the past four years, he's added several new acts."
Among them are "Pet Fire Marshals," "Dog Football," "Dr. Doolittle" and "Funny Geese."
The Circus Fans Association of America in 2009 awarded Popovich with its 2009 Entertainer of the Year award for his "unique and most enjoyable performance."
With his revamped show and the Brad Simon Organization handling management and touring, Popovich and his Comedy Pet Theater are filling venues and winning rave reviews for shows up and down the west coast.
The Comedy Pet Theater is more than meets the eye. For Popovich, the show is animated by a deep love of cats and dogs and a very serious, life-long commitment to helping rescued pets.
"The Comedy Pet Circus is just a delightful show for families, and we hope to fill Macey Center with animal lovers of all ages," Kalish said, adding that Popovich and the pets bring a special kind of energy to their performances that translate into enthusiasm and great fun.
Here are what others have said about the performances:
"The Popovich Pet Circus was magical," said Dan Mayer, executive director at the Kirkland Performance Center in Kirkland, Wash. "It was a combination of juggling, clowning and animals that kept the audience engaged and entertained. Whether he was juggling rings, putting the cats through their paces or just clowning around, everyone was asking, 'How does he do that?'"
"This is not just a fun show to see, it's a fun show to book because the response is so positive," said Brad Simon of his eponymous entertainment management group. "People just love to see pets doing amazing tricks. And Gregory has worked hard to bring a new level of excitement and enjoyment to his pet theater," Simon said.
One of the main messages of Popovich's shows is to bring attention to animal shelters, and the many homeless pets and rescue efforts on their behalf. He has said that because all the pets in his shows have been rescued by animal shelters, he feels it's his mission to "pay back" the shelters, and to try to help other pets at every opportunity.
Popovich and his extraordinary pet partners have been featured on the Tonight Show, Late Show with David Letterman, America's Got Talent and Discovery Channel's Animal Planet.
He currently is busy with a number of projects outside of his live show, including promoting his new book "You CAN Train Your Cat," and producing additional episodes of his new television show, "Comedy Pets."
The entertainer and successful pet trainer grew up as the child of Russian circus performers Alex and Tamara Popovich. In addition to their juggling and performing skills, Gregory's parents also were dog trainers.
From a very young age, Gregory formed a special bond with animals, especially his mother's show dogs, which led to his participation onstage assisting with her dog act. At the age of six, Gregory began to learn the art of juggling. Eight years later, he prepared his first solo act – juggling on a free standing ladder. After the public debut of this feat, Gregory became a member of the great Moscow Circus Group at the age of 17.
For the next few years, he traveled the globe with the Moscow Circus, eventually becoming its star and representative at international circus competitions worldwide. During this time, Popovich completed a special five-year course and earned the degree of "Circus Creator and Producer."
Sponsors for the Comedy Pet Circus are Wells Fargo, the New Mexico Tech Student Government Association, the Energetic Materials Research and Testing Center (EMRTC), ATK, the New Mexico Tech Graduate Student Association, and the Holiday Inn Express in Socorro.
Tickets are $20 for adults, $18 for seniors and $10 for youth 17 and under, and are available at the Cashier's Office (second floor of Fidel Center), Brownbilt Shoes and Western Wear, Burrito Tyme Drive-up or at the door.
By Valerie Kimble/New Mexico Tech


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(Reuters) - Canada's air transport regulator is drawing up a safety directive concerning the emergency beacons at the center of an investigation into a fire on a parked Boeing 787 Dreamliner last month, it said on Saturday.
The directive - which would list action that airlines or manufacturers must take - will take into account inspections done by manufacturer Honeywell International and its Canadian sub-contractor Instrumar Ltd, Transport Canada said in a statement.
"Transport Canada is developing an airworthiness directive in consultation with the FAA (U.S. Federal Aviation Administration) and EASA (European Aviation Safety Agency)," the statement said.
"The airworthiness directive would be based on the information collected from the equipment inspections mandated by the FAA, information already provided by Honeywell, and the results of (Transport Canada's) inspections of Honeywell and Instrumar."
Emergency Locator Transmitters - designed to help locate an aircraft in the event of a crash - marketed by Honeywell have emerged as a key focus of the investigation into a blaze which caused serious damage to a parked 787 jet owned by Ethiopian Airlines at London's Heathrow airport on July 12.
The FAA has ordered inspections on the beacons in 787s, and Boeing last week expanded the inspections to cover more than 1,000 aircraft of all types that are fitted with the devices.
The Wall Street Journal reported that the Canadian directive would expand inspections to cover all types of planes that use the suspect emergency transmitters, including jets from Boeing, Europe's Airbus and Dassault Aviation.
Although the 787 is designed and manufactured in the United States, Transport Canada is the lead safety agency on the beacons, which are manufactured in Newfoundland.
An earlier model of Honeywell beacon faced scrutiny from Canada's regulator in a previous airworthiness directive in 2009.
It called for suspect parts to be modified or replaced after tests found that two units were unable to broadcast the emergency homing signal on the right frequency.
Reporting by Nivedita Bhattacharjee, Tim Hepher; Editing by Robin Pomeroy


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DisembodiedMonday, September 10th, 2012
John Foliot reprises the role of the Scarecrow and Matt May takes a turn in the role of the Wizard in today's Ozian look at the HTML5 Issue of the Week, and represents the frustration I'm sure accessibility experts face every damn day when trying to deal with the nonsense that is getting people to adopt proper accessibility support in the web.
Today we're looking at ARIA's role (no pun intended) in HTML5. More accurately, whether ARIA would have a role in HTML5. Now, typically my posts about idiocy involving HTML specs tend to involve Hixie and the WHATWG. This time, sadly, I'm discussing the W3C, and specifically actions of the co-chairs of their HTML WG.
And here I thought we were besties.
I'll recap:
For entirely too long now the W3C has been debating whether or not to include the longdesc attribute in HTML5. This debate, which has been pretty rancorous since at least 2008 (jinkies!) is known as Issue-30. Longdesc is an attribute that you can attach to an image tag to inform capable devices of looking to a specific URL for a longer description of the image for the visually impaired. We're not talking about a simple alt tag of "girl under tree" for every college campus in the world. We're talking about a genuine effort to impart the information about an image to a viewer who can't properly see the image, if at all.
Here at CSSquirrel I use the longdesc attribute to link to the transcripts for the comics.
To me, this is a big deal. I have blind readers, many of which want to enjoy the comic that the sighted readers can see. I've received numerous requests in the past to put transcripts up, so I've built the site to serve that need. Is it a sizable percentage of my readership? No. Does that matter? No! If we're letting lazy implementation of available solutions get in the way of us helping one visitor with accessibility needs, then what does that say about us as people?
During a standoff between the W3C groups responsible for HTML and ARIA, Sam Ruby (Co-Chair of the HTML WG) suggested that the entirety of ARIA be removed from the HTML5 spec until sometime in the future when Issue-30 could be amicably resolved. This is absurd! It's like throwing the baby out with the bathwater!
There is a lot of ARIA that is seeing author implementation in HTML right now, most notably ARIA roles. Their inclusion provide real assistance for visitors with accessibility issues in navigating and understanding the content of a website, and in some cases provide extra helpers for non-human agents to crawl the content as well. (I've even used them as clever hooks for tricky bits of CSS).
A debate ensued.
Well, re-ensued.
At one point, John Foliot dropped in with a detailed examination of statements being made by the HTML Co-Chairs about the situation, correcting falsehoods and reinforcing how important this issue is. This is a man who's spent years as an accessibility expert watching bureaucratic process and non-expert interference getting in the way of providing solutions to genuine accessibility needs. He gets direct and to the point, as time and again it's been proven over and over that anything short of that will fail to sink in.
Their detailed response to the situation thus far?
A slap on John's wrist for his tone.
It's been a few days since, and that's as far as it has gone.
I'm sorry blind folks. The bad man's mean tendency to call them out when they're being bureaucratically false while defending their indefensible suggestion of removing major accessibility support from HTML5 is more important than your ability to use the 21st century's most important communication medium.
But that's OK, I'm sure your seeing-eye dog can navigate websites for you, right?
Steve Faulkner recently tweeted the following to me on the topic (good man, fights hard, really should be put in one of my comics ASAP): "I think the suggestion to move ARIA out of HTML5 was misguided tactic of the chairs to force progress on an issue. – won't happen"
I appreciate that Issue-30, which has gone unresolved for years, is annoying. But threatening to pull out the entirety of ARIA from HTML5 in some sort of chicken head-on-collision maneuver is a new low in the entire HTML5 spec authoring process.
And that is saying a lot.
Are you an accessibility expert or a web developer that uses ARIA? Are you a person with an opinion about longdesc or ARIA roles? What do you think of this whole mess? What suggestions do you have for the W3C to get this mess fixed? Did I get something wrong? Please help educate me by responding via one of the methods below?


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Looking for CitizenSugar? From now on, all of POPSUGAR's news and politics coverage can be found at POPSUGAR Celebrity & News. Be sure to visit POPSUGAR for an entertaining look at breaking headlines, the most hotly debated issues, and more.
Don't worry: you can revisit all of your favorite CitizenSugar stories on POPSUGAR Celebrity & News, where we archived all of Citizen's old content. And what about the editors whose insights you've been reading here on Citizen? We'll now be sharing our points of view on POPSUGAR Celebrity & News. Let's keep the conversation going!


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About this designer: Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
Ludwig Mies van der Rohe began his career working in his father's stonemasonry business. After an apprenticeship with furniture designer Bruno Paul in Berlin, he joined the office of architect Peter Behrens, whose work presaged the modern movement. In 1912, Mies established his own office in Berlin, and later became Director of the Bauhaus. He immigrated to the United States in 1938, setting up a practice in Chicago. His buildings include the German Pavilion for the 1929 Barcelona Exposition, the Tugendhat Villa in Brno, Czechoslovakia and the Seagram Building, designed with Philip Johnson. In furniture design, van der Rohe is best known for the Brno chair and the Barcelona series for Knoll International - the day bed, chair, stool and table all being exquisite examples of twentieth century design which Aram Store stocks.
About this brand: Knoll International
Founded in 1938, Knoll is a global manufacturer of office furnishings dedicated to design excellence. Knoll is committed to offering customers elegantly designed products for office and residential use. Recognised worldwide as a design leader, Knoll is the recipient of hundreds of design awards, with products represented in major art museums around the world. Knoll has more than 30 products included in the Design Collection of The Museum of Modern Art in New York City. The KnollStudio collection of modern classics comprises seating, tables and desks for executive offices and distinguished homes. Developed in collaboration with the world's leading architects and designers, KnollStudio represents exquisitely designed signature pieces that embody elegance, craftsmanship and emblematic detail.
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Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Uninventive "Bush Is A Moron" Post
I don't see what their problem is, I'm sure the books donated to the library by the President will be an immensely useful resource, if he can finish colouring them in before it opens.
Wondrous News, Comrades!
This is surely the news embattled socialists have been waiting for - a committed leftist with the powers required to create a paradise of equality for all.
The article is reticent about the powers that my hermano Chavez has granted himself, but my money is on X-ray vision.
Not only would he be able to spot any Yankee imperialists plotting counter-revolution, he'd also be able to see the naked ladies in the changing rooms at the swimming pool.
Surely he's gone for invisibility, which would allow him to walk the streets of Caracas, hearing the concerns of the workers, and would also allow him to hide in ladies' bedrooms in case they happened to be naked.
And I'll eat my hat if he hasn't decided to harness the power of flight, which would allow him to soar across Venezuela as a symbol of socialist victory, and also to float outside windows at night, peeking at naked ladies.
Perhaps you have suggestions for amazing powers Chavez could grant himself - just think what a socialist crusader could accomplish with super strength, shape-shifting or telepathy.
The possibilities for improving the lot of the working class and looking at naked ladies are practically endless.
Monday, January 29, 2007
A Triumph For Common Sense
Who knows what depraved antics these sacramental deviants get up to behind closed doors - just to think of them anointing and liturgising in front of the eyes of an innocent child makes me sick to my stomach.
What upstanding member of the gay community could possibly allow innocent minds to be warped in such an environment?
I saw that smarmy Tony Blair banging on about the rights of the priesthood not to be discriminated against, but what about the child's right not to be raised to think that Acts of Deuteronomy are normal?!!
Well, it's not normal - it's disgusting.
I'm as broadminded at the next man, but if I walked into a chapel and found two priests engaged in a sordid act of furious, mutual pontification, I wouldn't be responsible for my actions.
Add your own caption here, I'm scared God will be angry if I write what I'm thinking
Saturday, January 27, 2007
America-Haters Go Berserk In Washington
Reporting: Nick Cohen, Oliver Kamm, Christopher Hitchens
WASHINGTON, 28th January 2007
The future historians of a free and democratic Iraq will look back upon this day of infamy through a prism of sadness and anger, unable to comprehend how tens of thousands of American liberals marched to demand capitulation to fascism.
The sadness and anger of that prism will only be dwarfed by the freeness and democraticity of their nation, freeness and democraticity that today's so-called "anti-war" marchers would seek to deny to millions of as-yet-unborn Iraqis.
In scenes reminiscent of the 650,000 who marched in Madrid in 1975 to oppose the end of General Franco's fascist regime, the jack-booted sandals of totalitarianism were on the march once more, birkenstock-clad, sweaty and pungent. The air was thick with the stench of moral equivalence.
Some were so angered by the war against fascist fascism that they armed themselves with placards and giant puppets. "We shall overcome (the will of the West to defend its freedoms against Islamic totalitarianism)!," they sang.
One couldn't help but be reminded of the weasel words of Lord Halifax, who in 1937 was heard to say "That Hitler seems an alright chap, what?", ushering in an era of unimaginable horror.
Sadly, America's contemporary Halifaxes and Chamberlains are just as indifferent to the wise, yet Cassandra-like warnings of today's Churchills, Roosevelts, Cohens, Kamms and Hitchens.
"Fuck off, Granddad," said one fresh-faced youngster when asked whether she realised she was supporting fascists. "You stink of scotch and if you don't stop leering at my tits, I'm calling the cops."
Such is the wilful blindness of today's left in its craven rush to embrace the menace of radical Islam...
(Cont. ad infinitum)
Dr. King Was, Like, Totally Dreaming Dude
Friday, January 26, 2007
The Magic Of Cinema
I won't be watching it, though - I'm sick of the Americans glossing over fact with schmaltz and tacking on sucky Hollywood endings.
I can see it already - boy meets girl, boy gets poisoned with radioactive substance, boy discovers he has super-strength and can shoot sticky webs out of his wrists, boy does CGI battle to the death with deranged super-villain.
Mind you, they are only rumours, and if there's one thing my mother always told me, it was "Son, you should never listen to Rumours".
That's probably why my copy of Tusk is completely shagged out.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Stolen Gag # 3,284
Apparently, the prison population has been ballooning for years.
Well, that's a scandal if you ask me. Jail should be a punishment, not a series of gentle jaunts over the countryside.
India & The UK - Spot The Difference
"Khan came across as a friendly anchor, who high-fived with a contestant when he got the answer right, spoke in another's native language and even gave a back massage to a third who said he was too nervous."
Mr. Khan is a far nicer host, who tries to lessen the torment of his rupee-hungry, angst-ridden contestants. Doesn't Indian TV sound rather pleasant?
That would never fly in the UK, where Millionaire's ratings have slumped.
Sensing the chance to make my fortune, I've sent the producers my proposal for a punchier, Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast-inspired Who Wants To Be A Fucking Millionaire?
I don't want to give too much away, but Ben will be cleaning his nails with a knife when the contestants come on, and the audience will be deathly silent.
"What's the capital city of Rwanda?" Ben will ask, in an offhand tone, and he'll listen to half a minute of hemming and hawing before he snaps and screams, "What's the fucking answer then? Come on, cunt, capital of Rwanda! Answer, answer now!"
When they tremble "Kigali...?", that's the cue for deafening heavy metal music, and the three dobermanns at Ben's feet will hurl themselves at the contestant, barking ferociously and straining at their leashes.
When they reach £16,000 Ben will start absent-mindedly flicking lit matches at them, and just before he asks the final question he'll fire a shotgun in the air.
Anyone making it to that point would get fifty grand cold, even if they goofed the answer - I'm not a complete scumbag, after all.
"Come on," I hear you say, "nobody would watch a show that crass and exploitative."
Well, you obviously haven't heard of Love At Second Sight, a Dutch dating show which will air on 20th February.
"Do you have a visible serious handicap and are you looking for a partner?" says an appeal on its Web site.
"The program is a platform for people with such problems to share experiences and feelings in a positive way with the rest of the Netherlands and to show that they are absolutely not pitiful," the broadcaster said..."
"But the majority of Dutch viewers are turned off by the show that was initially set to be called "Monster Love."
No word yet on my Ben Kingsley Millionaire idea, but fingers crossed...
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Just Sitting Here, Fisking My Comments
I quite like cats myself, but I've never met one yet that I couldn't outwit. Not that there haven't been a few close shaves, mind.
I suspect that Justin is allowing his emotions to cloud his judgement - cats haven't even worked out toilet paper, let alone the bidet. Humans mastered the fine art of wiping their bottoms decades ago, and these days I only lick my own testicles when there's nothing on TV.
So, what's the yardstick for feline intelligence? Parrots have the emotional development of a three-year-old child, and prove it by emitting ear-piercing shrieks and crapping everywhere.
Dolphins are supposed to be the most intelligent of all animals, but you'd never know it. Mine spent most of its time jumping out of the bath and flopping about on the floor.
If you ask me, the most notable skill cats possess is their ability to slash up their owners like razor-wielding ratboys and still have them dote on their every whim.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
It's Official: Flying Rodent Is A Suckass Dork
You can click on the link and read it yourself, if you enjoy watching the shadow-boxing of puffed-up moral crusaders. If you're familiar with Mr. Cohen's work, there's not much point. It's the same old schtick, slow baked in an oven of grandstanding and served in a jus of self-justification.
If you don't have the time, try this for a similar effect - draw a Hitler moustache under your nose, then goosestep up and down in front of a mirror shrieking "Ich bin ein naughty boy!".
It'll go down a storm amongst those lefties whose sites are one long parade of wind-up Nazi dolls marching in lockstep with scimitar-wielding clockwork jihadofascists.
All of which is the hot, hot, no-holes-barred pornography of self-righteousness that gives the Decent Left RSI, and inevitably ends with hundreds of predictable historical analogies splattering the comments boxes.
Having just watched Niall Ferguson beat Neville Chamberlain to death with a rolled-up copy of the Nazi-Soviet Non-Aggression Pact, I'm starting to think I'd be better to stop resisting and only posting asinine justifications for our War On Whatever.
Why bother reading all those history books and carefully weighing questions of life and death*, when I could simply shout "Today's enemies are just like the Nazis!" and declare my intellectual superiority?
Now, let's bomb the shit out of Tehran! Hoo-ah!
For more on those lessons from history, Larry has summed up all the academic study needed to establish oneself as a towering intellect of cyberspace.
*Other people's lives and deaths, of course. Certainly not mine.
Round One To The Rozzers
Thankfully, the good Professor didn't have a copy of his 1500-page tome "Millenium" to clobber the arresting officer with, or he'd have been charged with murder.
That book has sat unread on my shelf for six years - just the thought of reading it gives me the Fear. Carelessly dropped, it could cause compound fractures.
This brings to the fore the lesson that all must learn in the arts - don't fuck with historians, lest they open the apocryphal can of whoop-ass on you.
AJP Taylor was famously tetchy - faced with overwhelmingly bad reviews for The Origins Of The Second World War, he took to slicing up critics with a sword-stick.
I once spilt Tom Segev's pint, and he busted two of my ribs. James M. McPherson held his coat for him, the little toad.
Eric Hobsbawm thought it was hilarious, but I knew better than to object. The man's a devil with a drink in him.
Fernandez-Armesto - "Fuck 'em, and their law"
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Babies Are Thoroughly Overrated
A friend of mine has two six-week old rats, and he's trained them to sit on his shoulders. Another pal has a six-week old basset pup, and it chases anything you throw for it.
But throw a ball for a baby and they'll just gurgle and soil themselves. Sit one on your shoulder and the rozzers will have you in chains before you can blink.
Obviously, babies are rubbish. Why would anybody buy such a creature?
Kittens are better in all respects, including the litter tray thing.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Taxi For Rodent
That said, even I have a breaking point at which I lose my sense of humour.
Today's News
BBC Breakfast News - Big Brother race rumpus.
ITV Evening News - Big Brother race rumpus.
BBC News At Six - Big Brother race rumpus.
Channel Four News - Big Brother race rumpus.
BBC Newsnight - Big Brother race rumpus.
BBC Question Time - Big Brother race rumpus.
Guardian, Times, Independent, Sun, Daily Mail, Express, Herald, Scotsman - Big Brother race rumpus.
All UK internet sites, including this one - Big Brother race rumpus.
Conversation at work today, all day, including email exchanges - Big Brother race rumpus.
Either the entire nation has gone completely bananas, or I'm watching far too much current affairs.
For the uninitiated (i.e. anyone fortunate enough not to be British), a bunch of Channel 4's Big Brother contestants have been bullying another of their number, an Indian Bollywood Star. While most of this has been the standard brainless, vicious sadism that passes for entertainment in the UK, there's been an ugly racial undertone to the insults.
I haven't watched a single episode, and I'm a fucking expert.
This has driven me to come up with a suggestion on how to resolve this situation to the satisfaction of all concerned, and I think you'll be surprised at its simplicity.
Taser them. Taser all of them.
Taser them as they're sitting down to dinner, as they're sucking in our precious air to let fly with another volley of asinine pig-ignorance; taser them while they're yakking like hooting fuckhammers, taser them before they can emit another single syllable of ginned-up tabloid fodder with which to pollute the short time we each have allotted to us.
Taser them with 50,000 volts of white-hot, convulsing electricity, then turn on the sprinkler system and taser them again.
And if that doesn't work, just taser me and don't let go of the trigger until the battery is flat.
I like Britain, I really do, but sometimes it's more than a sane man can bear.
People Are Strange
I'm completely flummoxed by her decision, which seems to have been made in defiance of common sense. After all, where would you rather live?
A blasted, hostile desert filled with blade wielding lunatics and small-minded crackpots, or Pakistan?
There's no accounting for taste, these days.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Crime And Punishment
Honestly, the laziness and inefficiency of the British judicial system is getting beyond a joke. Is it too much to ask that a jury get on with judging the case, rather than scratching their nuts in front of the box?
If you want to appreciate the full horror of the bomb plot, I suggest you click the link above and scroll down to the pictures of the bombers themselves - frankly, I'm not surprised they have a grudge against civilisation. If I was their mothers I'd have crammed them into bags and tossed them into rivers when they were born: an uglier bunch of knuckle-dragging Quasimodos and dot-eyed weasels couldn't be imagined.
I'm no oil painting myself, but if you think I'm exaggerating, check out this pie-faced oaf.
I suppose he can console himself that he'll be safe in the showers at Wormwood Scrubs - I'm amazed he even made it onto the bus.
If I'd seen him coming I'd have thrown him under the wheels on pure reflex.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Don't Build My Gallows Quite That High
Yet more good noose from the Middle East, as the slapstick executioners of Iraq botch another hanging like the hamfisted offspring of Benny Hill and Patrick Bateman.
No doubt this will be endlessly reassuring for the Sunni population of Iraq, who are unlikely to take the obvious lesson - "You're next" - from this development.
I'm looking forward to the executions of Chemical Ali and Doctor Germ. With comic book nicknames like that, how can Moqtada's boys resist?
I reckon they'll be blindfolded, locked in a room strewn with rakes and left to clatter about smacking themselves in the face for an hour or so, just as an appetiser.
Cue the Yakety Sax theme tune, and then the militia will wedge the two of them into a shopping trolley and push them down a hill, laughing as Saddam's cronies career madly through a treacle shop and an Acme Feather-Pillow factory.
The interlude involving two men carrying a large pane of glass across the road is compulsory, of course, before they're thrown out of the trolley with a comedy "boing" noise, into a pile of rubbish.
Then, just as they poke their banana-skinned heads up to take a dazed look about, a grand piano drops on their heads. And they get run over by a steam roller.
And a marching band, with an elephant.
Then Prime Minister Al-Maliki will wince, and say "My father went the exact same way."
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Nationalism - The First Refuge Of The Tedious
As I've said before, I'm agnostic about independence. I can just imagine my Granddad's response though, he doesn't have much time for nationalists.
"I didn't fight for Britain in World War II so that a gang of porridge-munching wankspanners could break up the nation," he'd say. "If I'd known then what I know now, I would've fought for the Nazis."
A man of strong opinions, my Granddad. We have to buy him a new TV every time he catches sight of Terry Wogan, it's amazing the damage a double-barrelled shotgun can do at close range.
Friday, January 12, 2007
The Giant Trousers Of Profundity
In an astounding outburst, Pop Idol judge and professional fist-magnet Simon Cowell has pronounced that he far prefers Jeremy Clarkson to Bob Dylan.
Media insiders were horrified when Britain's premier arsehole revealed that Dylan "bores me to tears" and that Clarkson is "a young Aretha Franklin".
Personally, I wouldn't shag either of them, but chacun a son gout.
If it was up to me, I'd hunt all three of them down and gas them like badgers.
Update!: It would appear that I've made yet another catastrophic error, and Mr. Cowell was in fact talking about Kelly Clarkson.
Admittedly, I'd gas her like a badger too, if I knew who she was.
Reuters News, 12th January 2006
Thursday, January 11, 2007
The Politics of Self-Interest
Not that that state of affairs has ever changed in the UK, of course, but you'd never know it to hear the modern Thatcherite complain. The only real difference between then and now is that it's now mandatory that Mum work full-time, families are up to their eyes in debt and the price of international airfares and consumer electronics have dropped.
Ah, the British - give us a wide-screen TV and a fortnight in Tenerife, and we're anybody's.
Shock news today, then, as the Bank of England raises the interest rate to 5.25%, thus adding sixteen pounds a month to the repayments of those with £100,000 mortgages.
No point in handing out the links, since the last thing I need is a swarm of moaning Tories cluttering up such comments as I get - suffice to say there's already talk of stagflation and a return to the cruel economy of the '70s.
Given that I don't have a pot to piss in and have spent the last eleven years handing between thirty and forty percent of my salary to grasping landlords who keep deposits and refuse to fix broken central heating in January, there's something I'd like to say to depressed monetarists...
Boo-Hoo, Wank-Wank.
Here endeth my lesson in the politics of self-interest - enraged homeowners can call me a prick in comments.
It'll make a nice change from them showing off their blonde wood floors and telling me how cheap it all was, and how I really need to get up to Ikea.
I just watched President Bush lay out his strategy for winning the war in Iraq, and boy, am I perplexed.
I thought he was supposed to be a great speaker from a script, pronouncing eloquently to those hungering for freedom the words they didn't even know they wanted to hear.
Well, all I can say is that's a load of BS. I didn't laugh once.
Bush is going to have to work hard on his punchlines, because the gags about the horrors of Iraq being the fault of the natives, the Syrians and the Iranians all fell flat.
And all those sly asides about the dire threats to America? They were funny in 2003, but they barely raise a smile in 2007.
Times have changed, and he's going to have to come up with new material rather than rehashing his greatest hits. It's not just that his timing is off, it's the content - blasting Baghdad to rubble in the pursuit of peace seemed witty and original once, but it's just tired now.
Two out of ten, I'm putting on a Richard Pryor DVD instead.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
O Sting, Where Is Thy Death?
It's only been every night for two weeks, so I feel there are hidden depths to Mr. Sting's twee warblings that I haven't yet plumbed.
Still, my patience is starting to wear rather thin.
In fact, when I think of Mr. Sting prancing around his country estate serenading the local flora and fauna like a great joyous giggletit, it makes me want to drown myself in a boiling kettle.
Mind you, this is the same Mr. Sting who confessed that, thanks to his practice of tantric sex, he can pump Mrs. Sting for up to three hours without reaching orgasm.
I understand entirely - I've seen Mrs. Sting.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Attention, Pentagon Officials!
Honestly, you're like a bunch of kids surreptitiously scraping your lasagne into the bin because you can't wait to get to the ice cream.
This mania for bombing is really starting to get me down. It's not that I don't appreciate the effort you're making, I really do. I think it's great that you're prepared to protect our safety by hammering any nation on Earth with complete impunity when the feeling takes you.
It's entirely possible that you've actually killed some bad guys this time - I imagine that one couldn't throw a half-brick in Somalia without clobbering a machine-gun wielding lunatic.
But, since you've unleashed the whizz-bang on Serbia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Sudan, Pakistan and Somalia just in the last ten years*, and are threatening to start on Iran and Syria, I have a suggestion.
If we piss you off that much, why not just build a bomb the size of the planet Earth, cut a United States-sized hole in it, then drop it and settle this bullshit once and for all?
Okay, I might be dead, but at least I won't have to read the articles labelling me an apologist for fascism if I put up my hand to ask a question.
Apologies to David Rees.
*Admittedly, with our assistance or craven assent.
Update!: Well bum me with a blackboard duster, it turns out that no senior Al Qaeda figures were killed. Not even one.
Failing to kill one Al Qaeda headcase may be regarded as a misfortune, but failing to kill three while wiping out a shower of anonymous brown people in the process looks like carelessness.
Duck And Cover
"People will be able to register on the MI5 website to receive updates when the threat level changes...
...MI5 chief Dame Eliza Manningham-Buller recently warned that it was tracking at least 30 terror plots against the UK."
Since the British "threat level" has been at "severe" for some time, its second highest possible classification, I think we all know what this means.
So what can those who sign up expect to find in their email and mobile phone inboxes? I've checked it out with my sources, and here's a sneak preview...
TTLRAI =:O - Terror Threat Level Raised, Apocalypse Imminent
LOL!!!!!!! - Leg It Out Of London
ITPFD :( - Islamofascists Triumphant, Prepare For Dhimmification
EABD - Emergency Appeal - Bring Donuts
AFRHWJ - Attention Foreigners - Remove Heavy Winter Jackets
SYLOIMD %( - Shit Your Legs Off In Mortal Dread
RAOTFCMLO - Rolling About On The Floor Coughing My Lungs OutOMFG - UKRIP - Goodness Me, We Are In Difficulties
HRH-KIA, OBLNQ - Her Majesty Has Passed Away, Osama Bin Laden Now Queen
ACPFIE - All Citizens Prepare For Internal Examination
TTLL :) - Terror Threat Level Lowered
Okay, so I made that last one up.
I'll be signing up for these alerts straight away - it'll be like getting text messages from the 101st Fighting Keyboardists every time a brown person sneezes near a policeman.
Update!: The Curious Hamster has similar thoughts, although he makes his point in a less swinish and idiotic fashion.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Bad Noose From The East
Well, boo hoo hoo, pardon me if I don't feel any sympathy for Mr. Hussein - after all, many of his victims are dead too, and you don't hear them using it as an excuse, do you?
I'm sick of hearing about the so-called "human rights" of criminals - if they don't want to be punished, they should think about that before they go mass-murdering and being hanged.
I remember a time when afterlife meant afterLIFE, by God.
Honestly, you couldn't make it up.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
An Apology
Flying Rodent now accepts that this allegation will be entirely baseless and untrue, and will be motivated purely by malice and spite. He deeply regrets any distress that this scurrilous accusation will cause Mr. Johnson and his family.
Flying Rodent would also like to apologise for his imminent hints that Mr. Johnson performs unhygenic sexual acts upon male orangutans, baboons and gibbons.
Any such accusations will have no basis in truth whatsoever.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Yet More Mortal Threats To Our Young 'Uns
Today, the BBC alert us to the serious threat of "pro-anorexia" websites, which eulogise that singularly unpleasant and distressing condition.
Experts say so-called "pro-ana" sites claim to offer support, but actually glorify the diseases and discourage people from seeking medical treatment.
They say these sites give tips on how to lose weight and keep it off, and present the illnesses as normal.
One doctor is urging service providers to shut the sites when they appear.
I don't have a clue how to deal with this, since I'm just some guy with a blog, but I don't think these sites are that threatening to me personally.
Statistically, I'm more likely to be struck by lightning or ripped to pieces by rabid badgers than I am to be killed by deranged anorexics.
Friday, January 05, 2007
The Scots Are Weird And Frightening
I don't know why, but when I tell people I support Celtic, they feel honour bound to ask whether I'm a Catholic, regardless of their own religious affiliation.
I always answer honestly that no, I'm an atheist.
It's always fun watching them struggle to frame the question, "Yes, but are you a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist?"
The Scots are deeply bizarre. I'm just going to start telling them that I'm a Zoroastrian, it'll end the conversation more quickly.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
You Live And Learn
I laughed it off, of course, but nagging doubts caused me to look more closely at my cigarette packet, and what I saw there chilled me to the core.
It says "Smoking seriously harms you and others around you".
Good God, the first packet I ever bought said "Smoking while pregnant harms you and your baby", so I assumed I was fine.
If you ask me, the government ought to launch some kind of massive, pull-out-your-eyes-and-burn-them-in-terror level ad campaign to warn people about this menace.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
My Remarkable Powers Of Foresight
Still, there's no point in being downhearted - who knows what joys this year may bring?
Predictions seem to be all the rage at the moment, so here's my stab at the coming year's big news stories.
February - Miami, Florida, USA
Protests erupt after a woman in a persistent vegitative state is shot dead to prevent her from aborting her child.
The killer, a pro-life activist and evangelical Christian, is pardoned by Governor Jeb Bush after it emerges that he has a licence to carry a concealed weapon and believed that the victim was about to attack him.
Thanks to advances in medical science, the foetus survives and releases a best-selling, tell-all memoir, Why Did Mommy Try To Kill Me?, despite being born without a brain.
March - London, England
Another whale swims up the Thames.
It draws massive crowds of excited onlookers, who throng the riverbanks to catch a peek of the majestic beast, which is regrettably shot by the Metropolitan police, incorrectly suspecting it of links to terrorism.
Sympathy for the unfortunate whale evaporates when the police announce the discovery of a sizeable stash of calffy-porn in its blowhole, an allegation which later turns out to be false.
June - London, England
A bank robbery by two veil-wearing, Muslim immigrants causes the nation's print press to launch into scenes of bacchanalian revelry so extreme that fires and drug-induced vandalism temporarily shut down all newspaper presses.
A nation rejoices.
July - Manchester, England
Vladimir Putin sparks a fresh "nuclear terrorism" panic by going door-to-door, saying "Nice place you've got here, it'd be a shame if something happened to it" and "Da, one carelessly dropped canister of polonium and this area would be uninhabitable for ten years, if you know what I mean".
November - Jerusalem, Israel
This will be the year when Ariel Sharon bursts back onto the political scene, possibly after undergoing a form of experimental radiotherapy.
Civilians run shrieking as Sharon rises wrathfully from his deathbed and begins blasting Jerusalem with laser bolts from his eyes, laying waste to the busy streets with his brute strength.
Tony Blair's calls for restraint will go unheeded once more as the IDF engages a roaring, rampaging Sharon with tanks and warplanes, and are forced to retreat after taking heavy casualties.
As a last resort, the corpse of Yasser Arafat is exhumed, clad in a cybernetic exoskeleton and sent to do battle with the berserk general. A titanic struggle ensues, causing terrible damage to property, until the two combatants plunge headlong into an electric sub-station, locked in a vice-like deathgrip of mutual rage.
Some civilians get killed, but an English blogger proves that this doesn't matter.
December - United Kingdom
As the year draws to a close, an unprecedented number of scare stories strike the UK headlines.
The whirlwind of stories about terrorist threats, satanic child abuse, devil dogs, killer date-rape drugs, illegal immigrants and nasty Muslims reaches a perfect storm, coalescing into a singularity of fear so concentrated that Britain flares up into a ludicrous balloon of its own paranoia and winks out of existence.
Five months later, the French stop burning each others' cars long enough to look up and say, "Hey, eet's all been a bit quiet over there recently".
Or I might be wrong, it's difficult to predict.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
BBC News, 6th January 2007
US President George W Bush today revealed his long-awaited new Iraq recipe.
He announced a plan to send more US cooks to Iraq to focus on ways of adding greater seasoning to Iraqi broth, rather than training Iraqi chefs.
"This plan will combat the ongoing threat of flavourlessness in Iraqi soups," President Bush said.
"I have no doubt that the addition of several thousand additional cooks will ensure the heartiness and chunkiness of Iraqi broths, gumboes, chowders."
"After all, many hands make light work."
The proposal has proved controversial, with one Republican senator saying "It all sounds well and good, but there's no such thing as a free lunch."
"After all, a bird in the hand is worth two in the, er, two in the, ahh..."
President Bush later played down such criticisms.
"There's no point crying over spilt milk," he said. "The proof will be in the pudding."
"And that wholesome, thick, creamy Iraqi soup."
No Relation?
"The king is dead. Moqtada al-Sadr should be, too."
If I were Steyn, I'd have a shave and a haircut before I started calling for Moqtada's execution, if you know what I mean.
My New Year's Resolution
After taking yesterday to recover, I thought I'd share my resolution for this year, and I suggest that you heed it yourself.
If you have a talent or natural gift, I suggest you hide it from friends and loved ones.
I was playing Scrabble on Boxing Day and scored a stunning 93 points for "vaginal" on a triple word tile and a creditable 49 for prefixing the word "ate" with "ejacul", winning the game by a clear eighty points.
You'd think my family would be proud of my wordplay skills, but not at all.
If anything, my Gran looked even more furious when I read out the dictionary definitions.
If there's one thing I can't abide, it's a sore loser.


text:
Display manager fails to load with fast SSD
I was having a problem with my display manager (LXDM) not loading on my laptop, which has a Sandisk Extreme SSD. Xorg.log would show errors like "No screens found."
I eventually figured out that the problem was that my computer was booting so fast that KMS didn't have enough time to kick in before X was started. I solved by adding the KMS driver (i915 in my case) to the initramfs.
Just a tip for SSD users, not sure if it should be added to the page or not.
--Steev (talk) 16:59, 2 September 2012 (UTC)
- This is a general problem that needs to be solved in the display manager. GDM already implements the bits for the CanGraphical flag.
- -- Falconindy (talk) 21:34, 2 September 2012 (UTC)
Hibernation with systemd
The hibernation section should be considered a hack since systemd does not directly handle the backend that handles power management. Systemd uses the Upower interface to handle such requests
-- Yungtrizzle (talk) 06:25, 10 October 2012
- I talked about hibernation process with Lennart Poettering and he said that systemd-hibernate does only "echo disk > /sys/power/state" . As far as i can see, it works perfectly with tuxonice, since it seems it is now using the same userspace API as kernel hibernation; so it works even without hibernate-script installed (i use it without that package).
- -- Nierro (talk) 13:54, 24 October 2012
- what is the #Hibernation section all about anyway? It makes it sound like you need to use uswsusp to hibernate while it should work out of the box just fine. It doesn't explain at all why you would want to use uswsusp instead of the default command. I don't use hibernate nor do I know what uswsusp actually does, so what am I missing here? 65kid (talk) 15:12, 25 October 2012 (UTC)
- Hey Nierro, do
systemctl hibernateand
systemctl suspendreally do different things on your box? In my setup (linux-pf, systemd 195-2), if I do the latter, my box is also in suspend mode, meaning that my power button is glowing on and off and I don't see grub after pressing the power button again but are back to my desktop almost immediately. To me, it rather seems as if
systemctl hibernategoes into hybrid mode? --jakobh ✉ 10:07, 29 October 2012 (UTC)
- Got an answer to the question on the systemd mailing list now: Link --jakobh ✉ 17:56, 30 October 2012 (UTC)
- Hey Nierro, do
Removing rc.local
It isn't clear how to get rid of rc.local. It would be useful to include this statement from the forum discussion in moving from a mixed system to a pure system:
Go through
/etc/rc.local and
/etc/rc.local.shutdown and turn them into service files (or, if you intend to keep them as they are, copy
/usr/lib/systemd/system/rc-local{,.shutdown}.service to
-- Myshkin (talk) 00:21, 13 Oct 2012
- I added a new section Systemd#.2Fetc.2Frc.local_emulation_for_systemd that covers how to emulate
/etc/rc.localin a pure systemd environment. Closing.
Replacing ConsoleKit with systemd-logind -> networkmanager
As of networkmanager 0.9.6.0-2 in [extra] we do no more have to recompile it with systemd support from ABS, is this right? So the note should be upgraded.
Am i missing anything?
-- Nierro (talk) 09:31, 15 October 2012
- 0.9.6.0-2 in [extra] was compiled on 2012-09-19 and the change to systemd was on 2012-09-29, so as far as I can see, it still needs to be recompiled. https://projects.archlinux.org/svntogit/packages.git/commit/trunk?h=packages/networkmanager&id=c34580e6e35b9e87f7dc27f360507143d4fd9106
- 65kid (talk) 20:00, 15 October 2012 (UTC)


text:
(I happened upon this sweet moment this afternoon while peeking back through my old blog posts - I thought I would re-post this moment from two years ago hoping to bring you a smile, too!)
So, this morning a little person, one just tall enough for his chin to hit the top edge of my mattress runs into my room and says, "Ma! Ma! Dare is sumbuddy sweepin' on da table. Come on, yook! Sumbuddy sweepin' dare!"
OK, so if you are in a deep sleep and someone squeals that in your ear...are you a little freaked out? Well, as I follow his skipping body down the hall and to the steps, I am wiping sleep out of my eyes and thinking...What the heck am I going to do if he is serious? What if 'sumbuddy' broke in and (for some ridiculous reason) fell asleep on our kitchen table? Even as I was thinking it, I knew what a FREAK that made me...to even entertain the thought...but I did.
"DARE! DARE him is! Yook!"
I squint. I 'yook' while trying to look muscular, in case this sleeping intruder is bigger than me. You know, I go into protective Mama Bear mode.
"My shwoggie! Him is on da table!"
His froggy. The %$#%**&%* plastic frog I bought him at Michael's last night! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
"Yes, bud, there is your froggy. Is he awake?"
(mumble, mumble)
"Maa, you pway Wii wit me?"
"Baby, just let mommy
I galumph over to the coffee maker as the sound of a way-too-awake Mario and Luigi race around my living room.
Finally, I sit on the couch and we start a two player race. He likes to do the battles, which means there are like 429 games in a row. I blink my eyes, sip my drug, and prepare to KICK HIS BUTT!
In between races we high-five and giggle. This is sweet. We do it every morning. And by the second race (thanks to my coffee), I am totally into it - we have a blast!
This morning we were 3 games in and I couldn't tell you who was winning because every time I get ahead of him, he pauses the game and we trade steering wheels...ha...so technically HE is kicking MY butt!
In between the 37th and 38th race (I am exaggerating) I lay my steering wheel in my lap and reach down for my coffee that was sitting at my feet. He peeps over at me as I put my cup to my lips and start to sip....
...some crazed lunatic entered his body (maybe it was that growling spiky turtle thing that he chooses as his character to drive his race car) and he, with all the force capable of being in a 4-year old body, he punches me. Not in my arm but IN MY COFFEE CUP! And it's a KO!
The angle in which his little fist struck the mug sends scalding coffee UP MY NOSE, all over my face, on my PJs (that I was hoping to keep clean so I could justify wearing them to the bus stop in 28 seconds when his bus rounds the bend), all over the leather couch, the off-white rug....you get the picture.
I have to tell you...12 seconds later I was giggling.
Not because I had finally lost my mind. Not because I was dreaming of the glorious free time I would have while he is duct-taped to the wall (DO NOT EMAIL ME! I AM JUST KIDDING!).
I giggled, with coffee dripping from my nose and my chin, because the look in his eyes as he realized what his body had done, apparently without the approval of his brain, was priceless!
He did the 'eyeballs out of the head' gawk and then took off like a shot! His little body zipped in a mini-human blur out of the living room, in and out of the kitchen, through the baby gate that he broke (busted a rung off of so he could fit through) a couple months ago, up the stairs, into his room and slammed the door! SLAM!
The coffee cleaned up without a problem. And I found out that SNORTING coffee isn't all that bad and actually wakes you up more than drinking it.
He bravely walked down the steps and sulked into the kitchen, tail between his legs, and said, "Sowwy, Mommy. You pway Wii wit me?"
We had 4.6 seconds to get to the bus stop...no Wii...but time for
...a big snuggle for saying "Sorry"
...a "Please don't do that again."
...and a smile as he waved from the bus window.
Lesson learned? DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!


text:
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