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- Advertisement -
Energy-conscious Sydneysiders can now turn to the local library to borrow devices to measure electricity use, greenhouse emissions and the costs of running household appliances.
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( Professor Xianqing Li-JOST, Max Planck Institute for Mathematics )
( Professor FEI Shaoming, Beijing Normal University )
Quantum information has been the most important cross-disciplinary research field which involves a large number of mathematical issues, such as group theory, representation theory, combinatorics, probability and statistics, operator theory.
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XU Yue, Edited HUANG Danning, USTC News Center
On May 11, the Nature Publishing Group released Nature Publishing Index 2010 China, remarking "a dramatic rise in the quality of research being published by China". University of Science and Technology of China is ranked 3rd of TOP 10 Institutions in Index 2010 China.
This article came from News Center of USTC.
Address: University of Science and Technology of China, No.96, JinZhai Road Baohe District,Hefei,Anhui, 230026,P.R.China.
Copyright © 2013 University of Science and Technology of China. Please contact the USTC News Center, E-mail: englishnews(at)ustc.edu.cn. Service Number.


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Oooooh look who got to editing the ending! (Never mind half of chapter 7 needs a rewrite)
by Cassie Mason
Oooooh look who got to editing the ending! (Never mind half of chapter 7 needs a rewrite)
Because thats what i need.
Im thinking about it and i think i will have to start editing on my lunch breaks. I get an hour for lunch and never need that long. Right now the roughest draft (as i like to call it) is 89 printed pages (12 font, single spaced, if you are in the know). My husband is on page 17. He isnt working right now because were between seasons, and the work around the house that he gets done REALLY doesnt make a second income up. So hes not working, not occupying himself with anything important, and he still cant freaking read my draft for me. I mean he does, he tries and all, but his attention isnt the best. Also i mean editing a roughest can be difficult, sometimes theres passages of total garbage nonsense tangent. He told me hes amazed at how well i edit. Which is good to hear, but also its like dear god i should hope so….at this point.
Why dont i try for a career that would involve writing or editing? Because that would ruin my creative stamina, i know for a fact. Thats what both degreees did. And i have too much of MY work to do, im not using a limites resource where its undeserved. I knew that a LONG time ago.
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It's often enough, right? One thing that bothers me is the realization that if I don't ever just get around to dealing with my past, well my childhood, I'll probably never get over it. It's not that I'm dying for a reason to blame all of my problems on shitty parents. It's tempting to do that, don't get me wrong – and it's also not to be ignored that one's life is shaped by their ability to interact positively with others, and I did NOT learn that ability from my parents – but it's also tired and self-fulfilling and childish.
Your life is as shitty as your decisions make it. That's all there is to that. Which sounds harsh I guess, because there are things I like to call Acts of God that involve something really bad happening to someone who doesn't deserve that kind of stress. BUT, it also means that you get to definitely take credit for all of your accomplishments as well. They say people are more likely to take credit for their successes but blame their failures on others. That sounds about right.
Does anyone else ever find themselves wishing that they didn't have negative memories/connotations from childhood attached to like…literally half of everything in existence.
The more I think about how things were, and how others acted, I realize more and more that I was literally surrounded by lunatics for my childhood. It's no wonder I took the fuck off when I was 18 and vowed I'd never go back (to myself) and I kept that promise to myself. I'm not great at keeping promises to myself. I'll tell you, I spent most of my childhood and adolescence assuming I wouldn't have sex until I was married. Given what readers might know about me, that probably seems REALLY funny. It's funny as fuck to me at least.
So, how was I supposed to grow up and know how to garner genuine or positive social relationships with others? A few things shielded me, but most left me vulnerable to attack on all fronts. Sometimes my husband talks about how he got treated like shit by other kids when he was a kid, and he was taken advantage of/made the butt of jokes/etc. And yes, all of that is traumatizing I would know, but I was going through that same stuff only maybe worse and I didn't have a happy, stable, functional home life, not to mention opulent especially in comparison with my own, to balance it out. The only time I was ever actually happy as a kid was when I was alone, so the afternoons between getting home from school and my mom getting home from work.
I was just talking with my husband this morning about how often I think about how I was treated when I was a kid. And more often than not I realize that I must have been behaving in such a way to foster the ill treatment I received. Because that being the cause of it all makes so much more sense than the idea that I was just surrounded by evil, malicious people my entire life. I mean my family is one thing but every other adult I interacted with? Almost every kid too? Really? Every single one of them was fucking rotten at their core? It must have been me. It makes soooo much more sense if it were me.
And I guess it's not so hard for me to say -type that because does a kid know any better? I can tell you there were many times I was corporeally punished on more than one occasion without my even understanding why it was happening. Somehow my mom thought telling me afterwards that she didn't agree with it happening somehow absolved her of any guilt/association. Which in turn made me REALLY disrespectful of her. I mean, think about it. When you're in that environment, dealing with those sorts of people, even the best of use couldn't always be cheerful and joyful and upbeat, there to chirp around like some ornamental canary to make everyone else feel better, fucking disgusting and SO what was expected of me. But, there were certainly many days when I rebelled against their fucking expectations. In part for the rebellion in itself but in much larger part because I had to take my negative emotions out the way I'd been taught. They have no one to blame but themselves for how I treat them now. So that combined with the fact that I saw nothing but other people mistreating my mother – my dad mocked her to her face in front of the kids, he discussed her weight with his kids ad nauseam, he was as rude/cruel/unkind/unloving as he possibly could be to her at all times, unless HE was feeling otherwise, then BEWARE to those who dared not mirror his exact fucking mood exactly when he expects it. Just like, when I was in my early and mid twenties, OH was there hell to pay if I didn't always answer the phone when he called. It was always in the evening, when I knew he was hopped up on something post dinner and he was watching the TV on mute while he opiate-rambled about something I couldn't give two fucks about, never once caring or even noticing the only responses I or anyone gave were "Mmhmm," on 1-3 minute intervals. You know, the universal sign that someone is not interested or really listening to you drone on. It's like that fuels him. It REALLY does feel like he's trying to mentally smother you with his talking, until the only thing you remember is stupid fucked up shit he's said and done and then you're as a result as stupid and fucked up as he is.
THAT, what I just described, that's what happened to my brother.
It like, semi-happened to me, but as you can see I'm remarkably capable compared with them. So much so it became apparent to me years ago that I would have to sever ties with them eventually. I still speak to my mother, if it were at all possible I would be more than happy to see her in person. But there's really no escaping for her. They share a car, and my worthless father is always home, as he is ever so unemployed. So how can she get away for a day?
Remember how I said I tried disengaging myself from them once, but it only lasted like 9 months? Yeah, during that time of silence between my father and myself, my mom and brother met me in the town I lived in at the time, we ate together at a Subway, then they went back to the town they lived in and grocery shopped. Somehow, he fucking figured it out. He wore my brother down, because he's by far the least resilient. That's what worried me, is that he could still get people to say/admit exactly what he wanted, all those years later. Then he made an INCREDIBLY huge deal out of it, obviously, and he referred to it as "The Dinner" for a VERY long time to come, like he'd cracked some big murder investigation. That's the thing, all of those awful personality traits/qualities that draw someone to that profession, well he had every single one of them in spades. A friend of mine once told me hearing descriptions of my father reminded them of the sexual-assault-y cop from the beginning of Crash. I was like…yeah I would be 100% unsurprised if he pulled shit like that because he knew he'd get away with it. See, the "bad" cops, (the "few bad apples" everyone SO insists on calling them) they're just that rotten, hollow sort of person who just so needs, so loves, so relishes having power over someone else. We all know people like that. Or at least I do. Those who manipulate and abuse to feel in control and therefore powerful. I don't know what's worse, being the victim of one them or being them. I suspect it's them but I can't say I've experienced that.
So, I probably had such a hard time connecting or maintaining positive relationships with others. Or, honestly, it seemed like I always had to be the bigger person, I always just had to be as nice and helpful and friendly as can be with everyone, I had to deal with some kids constantly pestering me for answers on homework but then the first chance those same assholes got they were trying to get me in trouble or making fun of me or mocking something that I did. It was fucking weird as shit. It tapered off a great deal in high school but there were still a few immature pieces of shit who did it. Mostly guys, but always those few so lovely girls. I guess I'm contentious or something, because boy did I ever bring out the BITCH in other women, particularly girls my age. I don't know why. I don't pretend to imagine it's because I'm THAT much prettier than them. I mean I was, and still am, but not to SUCH a degree that it'd foster so much ill will.
So, it must have been me.
And I guess I really didn't have a chance in life, not when it came to that. But definitely when it came to other things. Which is I guess why I feel the need to blog about the things I couldn't do anything about. When there's so many, if you don't sort them out, well that's the sort of mess that doesn't ever sort itself.
Wanna know what the two trigger words I alluded to at the beginning of this were?
One is Spaghettios. Whenever I see a can of them, I think of a winter when I was a child when my father was unemployed (shockingly, right?). My brother and I were to scrap the car windshield before we departed for school. My brother did something weird to the windshield wiper in his attempt to scrap snow and ice off the windshield. It was a Friday. My dad, always SO happy to jump into FULLY ENRAGED MODE at the drop of a dime, began berating my brother for breaking the wiper. I remember so distinctly my dad saying, "I thought we could go to [local eatery] for dinner tonight, but now we'll stay at home and open a fucking can of a Spaghettios!" Like. Without fucking fail I think that whenever I look at Spaghettios, which all right it's shameful but I eat them from time to time. They're good. Stop judging me. You try pretty much always having the munchies. It makes me feel bad for my brother when I remember stuff like this because he definitely got it pretty bad like all of the time from my dad. Yet still, as a younger child he was your typical my-dad's-the-best-I-want-to-be-just-like-him-and-win-his-approval sort of son. But THAT mentality TOTALLY discombobulates with the shitty narcissistic garbage person we had as a father.
But then my other weird trigger word I came across lately makes me feel less bad for my brother. Because you know who he CONSTANTLY took his shit out on? If you guessed my mother and my Grandma and myself, you are fucking correct. I think my mom got it the worst from him, mostly because she let him treat her like dirt, and it was our template for behavior, like I said earlier. It didn't matter HOW upset anyone was about it, my brother was going to have his way. And most of the time my mom and her mom were more than happy to play into his bull shit. He developed this BIZARRE habit of needing to be convinced to do something you KNEW he wanted to do. He's like that to this day (I think, he's part and parcel with our dad as far as I'm concerned). Because the second trigger word is Glitter. I was writing it down to grab some the next time I find myself in a Dollar Tree. For crafting. Which, is one of my more dorky hobbies. It will ALWAYS make me think of a time when I was in the 6th grade when going to Bath and Body Works was a more anticipated ritual than church. The popular thing, or at least the thing I was doing, was wearing roll-on glitter ALL over my face. Well, one morning my brother thought it was undeserving of bathroom mirror time (of course the house I grew up in only has one bathroom) and he picked up our dad's I'm-going-to-over-enunciate-this-word-on-purpose-to-exaggerate-just-how-disgusted-I-am-with-you-as-a-human-being habit really early on, so he said to me in the nastiest tone possible, "Well maybe we wouldn't be running late if you didn't have to rub glitter all over your face." And that's what I think of WHENEVER I see the word glitter. And it's just a prime example of how, because he was the prime victim of our father's narcissism, he also of course emulated that behavior most. During his short-lived live-in relationship with a girlfriend when was like…21-23 I want to say? Maybe a little bit less than that, but I think they were together at least two years, he demonstrated on multiple occasions that he was going to act exactly like our dad. He got mad at his girlfriend once, while he was eating dinner, and threw his dinner in the sink. This was a favorite thing of my father's to do. He loved depriving himself of a meal then rubbing it in everyone's face that they were eating and he wasn't and it sure looked good. I am not joking or exaggerating or embellishing at all.
So, I have like all this godawful shit that I need to like cleanse myself of. But truly, I've developed a single way to do that. Anonymously. On the internet. BUT, people read this shit. There are people in existence other than my co-sufferers who know about our suffering. That's HUGE for people like me. And of course, there's so many ways to clear the gunk out, as it were, but this is certainly mine.
Things are going really well. My husband and I celebrated our three year wedding anniversary last week, and we actually cherish and treasure each other now more than we ever have. We're both admittedly happier now with each other than we've ever been. I still wouldn't recommend the SO ROCKY path we used to reach here to others…but I'm willing to admit when things are good too, you know. I don't want to come off ass some sort of complainer. I just need to talk about certain things. Or else it's like this emotional pain a person carries around but never works through, it ends up strangling off their only means of ridding themselves of it. It literally leaves people physical wreaks as well as emotionally and mentally. Look at my mom.
But anyway, I didn't want to spend the ENTIRE Sunday on a blog, and this is long as fuck as it is. But I wanted to check in. Things are good. I got an emerald ring for an anniversary gift. Out of all the classic effeminate gifts, I do so love fine jewelry most of all.
So, things are good, like I said. And I'm doing my damnedest to write every day, because all the writing advice tells you you have to make a habit of writing, and then and only then will craft come down to join you. So that means blog-neglect. Especially my cooking blog. I guess I'm a pretty wanton cook because I rarely do the same recipe three times, and that's my standard for claiming I know a dish well enough to advise others how to make it.
So, au revoir
I've told you that before, but this had been my longest WP lull since I gave it a go, I think. Which is actually a good thing because it means I've been writing creatively every day instead. Rarely will a work day go by that I don't make time for it, or this. I guess yesterday was an exception, but dinner was especially time-consuming to make. I've also been keeping with exercising at least every week day, and with not drinking. I'm not saying I officially quit drinking, but it does sometimes worry me that I know if I start stopping isn't all the easy.
But enough on that. I know you're not supposed to inform someone you care about something more than them, but that's what's happening with what I spend my time writing.
So little of my time is about me, and what I need to do. That's life and all, and one must work, and keep a house, and feed oneself, and then you're like well I better at least make efforts to work out because I don't want to be in my fifties and decrepit like…some parents…I have…. My terrible father is actually physically healthy…it's….it's odd when you think about how mentally/emotionally/spiritually he is FUUUUUCKED. I mean he definitely has been morbidly obese before…like when i was 5 and he got kicked off the police force and he didn't work for 3 years, his weight ballooned to almost 300 lbs. That's what happens when you do nothing but eat and drink vodka (you stash the empty bottles in a garbage bag under the stairs and your wife and daughter find these bags on separate occasions) and sleep and watch TV. I never had to witness it firsthand, my brother does though. My mom never says a WORD about it to me either but I'm assuming she knows it's going on too.
It's so odd to me, to think that there are people who DON'T have innumerable memories and their dad being in the blackest of rages and him storming through the living room on his way to the bathroom (this is where you keep the vodka you're currently drinking. On the top shelf not even that out of view) and you're both frozen like prey animals just fucking hoping he won't feel the need to pick a fight with you or attack you. Because, when he's fucked up, that's WHAT he's going to do. He WILL get your attention, he WILL control your emotions if in no other way than by tearing you down and making you yell along with him, he WILL control all things and people in HIS house. Geh, that's his name. Fucking gross. I seriously fucking hate him. My husband finds it comical how I react when someone mentions dads. I just fucking can't anymore. I spent 25 years tolerating him in some way, and he was only getting worse, he's still only getting worse, from what I hear. If you look at how fucked up and low functioning my mom and brother really are you'd see how fucking dark their reality is Being around someone like him is literally emotional cancer. It's so bad. I Am NOT just seeing the worst and over-dramatizing everything, that's what he always told me I did. FUCKING no. I am not the crazy one. I am the only sane one. If you're the only sane one of four, you're going to feel out of place. If you can't tell I've thought this before.
I sometimes think about how odd it is that there are other women who didn't grow up with dads who told them how fat they were getting. With dads who constantly berated and belittled their mother for her weight (among just a panoply of other things), and somehow even more frequently mentioned how she needed to lose weight, not to mention the constant food bullying. When he himself obviously has an overeating disorder (remember the weight problem). Also opiates make you crave sugar, so that has a strong influence on it too. Ugh, being around him when he was high was awful. He would just talk…and talk…and talk…and talk about nothing for hours. Never once noticing that the only time you spoke was to say "uh huh," and "yeah" and the other basic social indicators one is paying attention. He did not care, he didn't want to have a conversation or acknowledge anyone else's ideas (because that would give them the strong misgiving they were a person whose autonomy was to be respected) he wanted a captive audience whom he was controlling by making them listen to his IN DEPTH movie scene act-outs where he played both characters. MY GOD, I know it sounds funny but it was actually SO upsetting once I figured out how fucked up he had to get to go into that mode.
See now THAT is one really tried and true way to see if someone is actual garbage or not. Do you dislike every version of them? Have you ever known someone whose bipolar who has a likable "up" side? I knew a girl like that in high school, but maybe she wasn't bipolar as much as had violent mood swings because her childhood was chaos because of her pill head mother and non existent father and string of mom's boyfriends, also I think one set of grandparents molested her (not lying or exaggerating at all, I would not so such a thing over such a matter). But either way. See I hate every version of my dad, they're just all insufferable in their own fun little way. I feel that same way about my sister in law, who is certainly bipolar. I can't stand her when she medicated out of her mind, I can't stand her when she's hyper-annoying-happy-make-kind-of-mean-comments, I can't stand her when she's…I don't know she gets so depressed she can't even move quickly. Like it stiffens the joints. I would know. My entire childhood was very depressing, but you know the longer I have zero exposure to my piece of shit nut job dad and brother (sorry brother but we both know who you're like) the better i feel. Omg so hard to reason why that might be. Even with the never ending stress and sadness that comes from not being able to have anything to do with my own mother. Who, for her faults is very sweet, and a good person, and she and I were very close when I was young. I was obviously a moody distant teen, but now I guess I can say that I was steeling myself for what was to come. It hasn't been easy, but I can say it gets better.
Am I telling everyone to cut ties with a toxic and/or narcissistic relative? Well I'm not telling you not to. I mean most people can't even fathom it as an IDEA. It's ALL RIGHT. Sometimes, fucking sometimes, we need to let go. You don't want to. There's a noticeable amount of pain involved, in a few different ways, but you're fucking free at the end, you get that right? That's how you know it was the right move, improvement follows. Isn't that always the case with our decisions? I've had my fair share of good luck along the way, don't get me wrong – I consider finding my husband when I did as very fortunate…despite…the terrible things we've done to one another…. – but I don't feel like I have many debits in my "karmic points" category…or however you want to think about it.
Because wouldn't suffering have meaning if you somehow truly benefited from it? And how is being psychologically healthy when everything around you was not not the best benefit you could hope for? I'll admit, there were a few random ass factors that really influenced my natural intelligence into something a girl could really fucking use:
1) I had no competition. Aside from my father's disappointment that I never found a sport to be good at, I outshone my brother on all plains.
2) I got a lot of positive affirmation. I was frequently praised and rewarded for both good behavior and good grades. From my parents, my Grandma, even teachers at school (sometimes….I feel like I made teachers feel conflicted because I did very well academically but I acted out on occasion, certainly much more than any other girl so I think they hated me. Some of them certainly acted like it).
3) I adapt quickly. This probably is something I learned, to just go with the flow, so to speak, from being in such a chaotic environment.
4) I had access to education and materials meant for a much higher-placed family on the economic ladder. Meaning, I went to private school until I was 18, and I did get a car for free when I was 16….then a different, brand new one when I was 19…..THEN I ended up dating someone from age 21 on whose parents paid our rent up until quite recently. ALSO because of my Grandma then later my mother in law, I've always had a person in my life who is incredibly generous, particularly with buying me things, especially clothes and shoes. When my dad was being a shitty prick about how expensive the Memory Care home we had to put my Grandma in cost – Because "you're supposed to leave something for your children's children" which I think is my dad perverting some Bible verse – my mom told me that he'd said that to her, implying my Grandma ought to have the decency to die before all of her money ran out and HE didn't get any, and she was like "And he says that and when you were in high school your Grandma had to buy all of your homecoming dresses." And that is very true, she bought all 4 homecoming and both prom dresses, and probably paid for the shoes and hair too. I had four fancy black dresses in my closet right now. Assuredly, they're too small for me right now, but one day. One was for my husband's cousin's wedding. One was for a wedding my husband stood up in. One was for my bridal shower with my father in laws extended family. And one was for my undergraduate graduation day. All lovely, and black, and all purchased by the same kind woman. Let it not be said I don't notice and appreciate her generosity. I did not grow up in a world where you would be like that for someone who did nothing for you. Grandma's shit had ALL these strings attached.
So, as you can see, some people might envy me my advantages. There's a few of them. I mean most people don't have these cheekbones AND these tits…let me tell you. But…I mean I guess I'm more arrogant, or at least arrogant seeming, because I feel like I fucking earned a few advantages. But most people don't even deserve to know that about me. So let them think what they want. See you don't care so much what others think when you go about your whole life so well aware they're so wrong. And, I mean I kind of pity the people who didn't get to know the older, more self aware version of myself. I guess that's why we're hotter when we're younger, right?
My life has gotten better with every passing year. I don't say that as a taunt to fate, that things could get so much worse. Because, if you've read ANY of my good blogs, the ones people in France just fucking love (my BFF pointed out that people in France would be much more likely to understand the slight fluidity to my marriage's monogamy….if we want to call it that….I have fucking bad memory flashbacks of the year I wasted so much time and energy and resources on a fucking hopeless alcoholic piece of shit loser….I'll leave it to my astute readers to remember who that fucking sounds exactly like) then you'll remember that I HAVE suffered, a lot, recently. But it's like however low you sink, the peak to come is that much higher? Is that making sense? At this point I can't be certain if I make sense anymore. I hate it when I lose my topic but I also can't really help it. See how distracted I get by stories about my dad? Ugh. Must be odd to not have those dark memories.
Husband's home. Must jet.
I've been busy writing creatively. This blog is where I go when I can't find the motivation to work on my novel. I hate calling it that, it makes me feel like a douche. Like the kind of punk who sits in a Starbucks all day on their laptop writing. That sounds like a nightmare. I have an extreme peeve about people doing that. Every member of my family did it to me when I was writing as a child, on our trust Packard Bell, and it was one of the many things they all did to make me feel like I had ZERO personal privacy. Which…I guess if you need that pointer (for writing, or real life I guess if you're a psycho who reads WordPress for fun…), that's a REALLY good way to ruin someone's regard for themselves as a human being with rights and feelings – take away any semblance of privacy while still somehow suppressing everything about them that doesn't fit what you think is best.
Because that is definitely what my family did. ALL of them, even Grandma, and we all know I nostalgia-ify the crap out of my memories of her, did it.
And, the more I think about it, the more I realize that no matter what I did, I was fucking attacked for it. It's hard because you think of stuff like this throughout your day, like you remember when you did a simple thing and your mom and dad and brother all started yelling at your simultaneously for making a simple mistake, for running into something, for misspeaking, for dropping something, like now that I think about it I realize it was the fucking recipe for developing anxiety about being around other people. They all made me value alone time so fucking much, I even managed to get over my extreme fears of being alone at night and the dark. I mean a lot of people never live alone. I did it at 18 because I had to be away from my family, I had to have a general independence from them. Though it would take me years to finally break all ties with my family, we've been over that a few times, I swear.
And now that I ponder on it, I realize that might be the same reason I am always unapologetically doing clumsy things. It's like….does some terrible part of my brain that I have no conscious control over really crave negative attention, because that's the only attention I got a lot of the time, like most of the time, as a child?
You'll think of stuff like this if you try hard enough, and you get stoned enough if you're like me, and you take the time to write it out.
So, I must take a moment to brag about my week, because I've been meeting personal goals lately, and that's always exciting – so this week Monday-Thursday, I managed to every day:
1) Work 7-4 (6-4 on Monday, and that was after being emotionally distraught and drunk for that episode of Game of Thrones – am I right?)
2) Come home and immediately perform house-related tasks and work out for 30 minutes (translation – I rode my stationary bike for half an hour while I watched a chick-oriented show on Netflix that my husband would hate)
3) Eat a packed lunch and cook dinner from scratch/fresh ingredients at home – more or less, no eating out ever because it's expensive and typically less healthy than what I make
4) Spend a minimum of 60 minutes per day writing – that's about how much time I have between completing those first three tasks and when my husband gets home from work. He has a new job. During his extreme-major meltdown at me like three weeks ago now, I wrote about like crazy on here, he mentioned how he was just so demoralized by this job he got because I told him landscaping wasn't good enough. Which I mean….really? He's blaming all of his life's issues on me? Somehow, his every decision has been made by me in secret somehow, and I'm still a cold bitch to him despite his acrobatic attempts at pleasing me….that was the summation of it really. I would count writing a blog as this one as well, because it counts it's just not as important. I mean obviously. You don't blast something truly dear to yourself all over the internet. My thoughts and feelings aren't all that dear to me, if you were wondering why I would say that then keep such a personal blog. I change names to protect other people from my innate hostility
5) Possibly most important of all – STOP THINKING NEGATIVELY. It is and was and always will be my biggest issue. I definitely heard from more than one source throughout my childhood that I complained too much. I HAD A LOT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT, OKAY? Sorry for type-yelling. But I find that if I don't constantly reminisce on bad shit, I am much happier. Fucking striking concept, right? BUT, that also means that I don't think about things to blog about as much.
You could argue I could blog about positives in my life. But then I remember that I still haven't seen my mom in almost three years because I can't because I refuse to have anything to do with my father because he's a fucking sociopath. ANYONE who really knows him, and has seen him in action would agree with that name for it. But then, even then, even now at this point, just like when a song you haven't heard in years pops into your head, these rare, isolated memories you have, that few and far between times that were happy, are there to haunt you. There was a handful or two, I'd say, when I guess things were as close to normal as we could get them and everyone decided to get along and be happy. It became very rare the older my brother got. I was thinking about my brother on Thursday while I was watching that chick show on Netflix. A mom was freaking out about a baseball coach's ability to influence her son's formative years. And it made me think about how my brother just had no fucking chance.
There's something to him…a narrowness…or like this stubbornness, or just this hard-headed idiocy brought about by emotional abuse that makes him do that same thing to others? It's there…I just don't know what to truly call it yet. It like…incapacitated him. Because what I did, what a person is going to have to do in our situation, is psychologically construct your OWN father figure in your mind, and use that to comfort yourself. I have this CREEPY fucking habit of stroking my own hair when I'm VERY upset. I mean it creeps me out when I do it, because I know why I'm doing it. And another huge peeve of mine is ANYONE touching my hair. I think that contributes to the fact that I no longer dye it (though I did that constantly from ages 14-26) and cut it myself. It's been almost three years since I've had my hair cut professionally, though in part that is to save money. But also I really always resent stylists because they're touching my hair, and inevitably snagging one of my many eccentric ear piercings on their combs. Egh, just thinking about it makes me cringe. Anyway.
So, I accomplished all of the above last week. And my husband's new job entails different hours that allow him to leave when I leave in the morning. With his OCD, this is a huge blessing for him. It's very hard for him to be the second one to leave the house. He becomes unsure if all of the cats are accounted for, and if the stove is off and the doors are locked. He spends too much time checking and rechecking, etc. And I like being the last one to leave, because then the house remains in the state of tidiness I so strongly prefer.
But, like I said, in doing so I don't leave much time for writing blogs, because I'd rather attempt to dedicate my spare thoughts to my creative process, than obsessing over shitty things.
Also, in other rather superficial news, I found a skincare regime that works for me. And I mean when you've been trying for something for like 17 years, it feels like an accomplishment to be there. The process, you wonder? I use cold cream as a make up remover and face wash. Then rosewater as a toner. Then stupidly expensive moisturizer. That's at night. In the morning I just apply moisturizer then concealer/blush on top of that as needed. Because I had my eyeliner tattooed on, I wear those two items and mascara, and that's it. It's so amazing having a simplified routine that works and it creates a look I enjoy. For so many years I wore such intense eye shadow every single day. I remember once in a college psych class a girl asked me if I did my own make up, implying I looked like I might be having it professionally done. All I said was "Yeah." Because I was a weird, stoned twenty-one year old, and I felt bad because later on I identified that as a opportunity to socialize with someone about something I liked. But whatever.
And, in less superficial news but also something that hasn't changed since I was young. Okay, I've probably already mentioned it, but I am weirdly attached to the psychological personality testing known as Myers-Briggs. I am deeply obsessed with researching my type and just basically always being like "SO TRUE!" at all of it after I look back at my behavior. And I actually took the Myers-Briggs test three different times from the age of 18-23 or so. Twice it came out INTJ, once INFJ. I took it again because I found a link to take it for free (which, you should because it's so cool, at 16personalities.com) and it came out INTJ again, BUT on the thinking/feeling 3rd letter, I was a 60/40 split. So I'm on the fence there. This time it said I was an assertive INTJ…I was like….since when? I went to grad school for no reason, mostly just boredom. How wild am I? So it was exciting to think that that hasn't changed. I already mentioned that I'm pretty well aware of why I'm introverted. Not that I don't have this fake people-person persona that you develop when you have to wait on customers for 11 years. That's why my desk job still is amazing to me. Just not having the general public in my face seems like a reward still. And I make way more money.
Speaking of making more money. My husband is actually going to be making more than me at this new job. He's getting less person hour, but he's getting far more hours, he even has to get 6 hours in today. It's why I'm up and blogging so proficiently at 10am. I've been up since 6am because he needed my help getting up. Plus in all honesty I was awake before the alarm because that's when I always get up during the week. I deeply splurged and went and got an iced coffee with all the extra caloric add-ons because I drink two pots of drip coffee per day and sometimes you're just not in the mood. I justify it because black coffee with no sugar is good for your teeth (kills plaque, staining is just superficial anyway) and that's how I drink it.
So, that's it I guess. That's my goal meeting for now.
My next major goal is to keep drinking confined to the weekends. In the 2 months that I've been trying to bike every day and count all calories using My Fitness Pal, you REALLY start to notice where your calories come from. And if you're ashamed to tell an app how much you drank in one night, you might want to examine things? I mean, you probably knew that. I do. Did. Whatever. So that means I will need more weed. Which is fine if we can afford it. The dream is to be able to have enough to just make oil or butter and just always have that on hand/use that. Like I want to come home and make 1 piece of toast and just douse it with weed olive oil and get messed the fuck up on that, rather than smoking bowl after bowl. That's the ideal dream, if you ever wondered what the ideal dream was. So I guess that's another goal. Those are important, but so are plans to achieve these goals. But, I've always been great at having this REALLY long-term plan. I persevere. It's what I do. But we might be closer to our weed goal with this new job. So that's exciting too, because it'll mean drinking less. Husband is still not drinking, of course. I just bought him a small gift for his 2 year AA anniversary, which is actually August 30th, but whatever I gave it to him early, it's not like it's Christmas. Plus no one else really acknowledges his AA-ness, not in his family. They really are the classic, reserved, rather not talk about it, types of people. Common to the middle and upper class I think. They're used to trying to keep things nice, to admiring the surface value of shit, makes them want to keep a social front as well. Not always though.
Then, I would like to find a church I like down here. We moved downstate over five years ago, and we always said we'd find out. We tried for a little, but each one we visited acted very…odd….towards us. Like they're a church, they should be freaking welcoming to strangers, not all like "HI, WHO ARE YOU?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???" *artificial smiles*!! It's weird. It happened three different times. These congregations need to get it together. It doesn't take a genius to see their ever-dwindling memberships. It's not shocking why, either. It's hard, because I want to believe in it, but some of the absolutes of Christianity…like the concept of hell….I just….it's really hard to actually comprehend an eternity of torture and damnation. Like….whaaaaaatttt?
But even THAT, that thing I just said that made my heart race to admit, that's how DEEP those Lutherans manage to instill a terror of God in you, is a sign of an INTJ. We're a small section of the population, especially the women, but of our tiny sliver of the pie, most are atheists, the ones that do believe in a higher power tend to be less accepting of all these contradictory absolutes. Literally one of the 'celebrities' that was an INTJ was Doubting Thomas. I remember a college counselor saying "Oh you went to [Lutheran high school] you'll know who that is." I was like…all right that's not a great guy to be associated with…from the perspective I was taught to have……
Well, this have been a fulfilling hour and an a half spent, I guess, but I should be off. I truly do intend to spend more time writing today than I did on the weekdays. Because that only makes sense to me. But, it's hard because there's never not cleaning to do, am I right? I so value cleanliness and order that I know it hinders my creativity, especially my time for it….but I need organization in my life…so….you just have to learn to balance.
But I think for now, because I'm trying to not totally obsess all day about my shitty childhood, that maybe I'll just use this blog to keep track of these goals I have. I think I'll be pleased with the results and myself if I keep to them all and add more. Like most things in life. Like when I decided it was time to quit smoking and I actually (With Chantix, which I recommend, it didn't give me nightmares, I swear it's a suggestability thing. Yes I invented that word, but you get what I mean right? If you talk about having a certain kind of dream…you're really like to have that dream for real. If you didn't know that…try it. Your brain is more open to influence than you realize. And dreaming is just psychic file-sorting, so while cool and necessary it's really not life-shattering stuff. Another peeve is hearing people describe their dreams. Newsflash – NO ONE CARES. Sorry, needed to be said.
So, hope all is well. Try and set goals for yourself. Don't even write them down, just remember them. Know them well enough to note need a paper or digital reminder. Like showering and sleeping. Make the things you want to give a fuck about like that. That's my suggestion. I'm not saying I think I'm like some superior being. I truly do not. I hope any long time readers have gathered that by now. Self-obsessed and arrogant are not the same thing.
What I'm going to paste below has been copied from an email I sent to myself. The email content originated in 3 notes I wrote on my phone today, one around 6:30 when I was leaving for work, one during my 10 o'clock break and one during lunch – the only editing that I'm doing is replacing people's names with the noun clusters I use to describe them in this anonablog.
Some context : Yesterday after he got home from work around 8 my husband was on the phone with his mom for quite awhile. He mentioned that she said she was worried she'd offended me by asking about my situation with my mom. Because, much like her constant strife over her daughter, on most occasions she'd rather not talk about it, or have to think about it, because she really can't do much anyway. And to make it more fun for me, at one point I was alone at our table at a restaurant with my father in law, and what's the first thing he asks me about? The exact same thing.
And when I get into the "this is the kind of life you deserve" thing, it's because my husband grew up quite spoiled and quite privileged. And his friends were the same way. Now all of them are struggling to even find gainful employment, much less match their parents' successes by their the time they were their age. But I guess rich kids grow up just assuming they'll be like they're parents (poor kids grow up terrified of that same thing) because it's always been that way why wouldn't it stay that way? My mom even said something along those exact lines recently. And more than once my husband has said something along the lines to me of how I should hurry up and become a famous author already. And like…it's nice to be that believed in, I don't say otherwise, but also..like…please tell me that's not what he's waiting for.
I think that's all the preamble required. Whenever I post something I've written in angered haste on my phone it's a hit on WP so…here goes:
"It really irritated me last night when you said the situation I'm in with my mom was "unfathomable" to your mom. It is to me to, but I still get to live it and be asked obnoxious questions about it by BOTH of your parents, who I have to see all the time whether I want to or not.


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The Walton Braves Band will host a steak dinner sale on Friday, March 15. It will be held at Thriftway Grocery from 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. Plates cost $10 each and will include steak; coleslaw; BBQ beans; dessert; and a roll.
Email Mr. Muller at email@example.com for more information. Thank you for your support of the Braves Band!


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Let's take a look back at 2018, a volatile year for the financial markets and also for my portfolio to be honest. I've changed from a Dividend Growth Investor into a sort of hybrid. I took quite a lot of gains of the table and redistributed them into ETF's, bonds and a few specific shares of companies I believe in for the long term. I've made promotion at work to become a junior broker, which in turn led me to learn a lot about options and these are now a part of portfolio too.
General finance
Exchange traded funds are probably my favorite way to invest. They take little effort, have great returns historically and are well diversified, what more could you ask for!
We all know the short term noise, the ever glooming hard Brexit, the USA-China tradewar, stalling global economy and of course Italy's current financial state. Let's take a closer look at Italy. What is happening there, and how could we as investors benefit without taking too much risk.
How to manage your portfolio, it sounds like a fund manager will tell you what to look out for in your portfolio in current market conditions. It isn't though, I will discuss what I think is the best strategy based on your capital on hand for the long term.
Recently I've looked more into options, to be fair I had to do it for my job as I'm looking to learn more about financial products so I can make a little promotion. After long hours of trying to get my head around option trading, I think I finally got it and I immediatly put my new knowledge to work. Why are options interesting and worth your attention? Well let me explain.


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2 Quick Ways to Get the Data Size of Each Worksheet in an Excel Workbook
If you want to quickly get the data size of each worksheet in an Excel workbook, you can refer to this article. Here we will share 2 handy methods with you. At times, when dealing with an Excel workbook which consists of a great amount of worksheets, you may want to get the data size […]


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Beautiful & Spectacular Ceramic Owl Vase in Yellow Small
Sold Out
- Ceramic
- Yellow
- 5.5"x4"x6.5"H
Charming, elegant and exotic, the Beautiful and Spectacular Ceramic Owl Vase in Yellow (Small) paints a beautiful picture with its big round eyes and cute lovable shape. This ceramic figurine cum vase can be used as a vase for placing flowers and other decorative ornaments. This ceramic owl figurine features a beautifully crafted owl with etched lines and delicate features. Every inch of the owl has been painstakingly detailed. The ears, eyes and feathers are all beautifully crafted and handsomely sculpted. Dressed all in yellow, this charming owl is just what you need to adorn your home with. The dimensions of the Beautiful and Spectacular Ceramic Owl Vase in Yellow (Small) are 5.5"x4"x6.5"H.
California Residents:
For orders being shipped to California, please click here for Proposition 65 WARNING.


text: Government: You owe us money, It's called taxes. Me: How much do I owe? Gov't: You have to figure that out. Me: Ijust pay what I want? Gov't: Oh, no we know exactly how much you owe. But you have to guess that number too. Me: What if I get it wrong? Gov't: You go to prison Apr19


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Average 5 stars from 3 user reviews.
Local guy offering taxi service ashore (3 euro return). You can reach Jair (also known as DJ) on VHF ch 06. Tel: +238 9898115 or Email: email@example.com.
DJ takes the rubbish and delivers fuel and water to your boat and provides a gas bottle refilling service. Also, he can organise hull cleaning, sail repairs or any other jobs you may need on your boat.
Don't miss the Sunday lunch he organises at local lady's house. The food is plentiful and delicious.
DJ is very friendly and his English is very good.
Keywords allow the place to be found more easily, they should include the type of business, goods sold, services offered
(e.g. Supermarket, Butcher, Gas, Fishing, Rigging, Anti-fouling)
by Georg Schweiger on 09 January 2019
Awesome guy and service, always helps you with a smile on his face!!
by Steve Neal on 02 January 2019
DJ is a gentleman and an ambassador for Palmeria. Very friendly, very helpful.
by Helena Neal on 28 December 2018
DJ is the friendliest water taxi driver I ever met. He loves Palmeira and wants all sailors to fell the same way. Plameira might not be the prettiest anchor but it is certainly in my heart. Thank you DJ.


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Sports historians Glenn Stout and Richard Johnson will sweep in to the Gibson's Bookstore end zone on Wednesday to share their collaboration, The Pats: An Illustrated History of the New England Patriots, the definitive, lively and robust history of the New England Patriots, from Billy Sullivan to Bill Belichick and everything in between. (Are you planning ahead for holiday gifts yet? A signed books makes a great gift.)
The New England Patriots have become a dynasty, though it didn't begin that way. Love 'em, hate 'em, the Pats have captured this country's attention like no other franchise. From two award-winning authors, this is the first complete story of a legendary team and its five championship trophies.
In the tradition of their celebrated illustrated histories of some of sports' most iconic franchises, Stout and Johnson tell the history in full and in colorful detail. This is a lavishly illustrated tale full of larger-than-life characters – from founding owner Billy Sullivan, early stars like Syracuse running back Jim Nance and beloved wide receiver turned broadcaster Gino Cappeletti, to Hall of Famers and stars like John Hannah, Russ Francis and Steve Grogan through to present-day stars like Tom Brady and Bill Belichick and owner Bob Kraft.
Featuring essays by Johnson, Upton Bell, Leigh Montville, Howard Bryant, Ron Borges, Lesley Visser and George Plimpton, The Pats is a must-have gift for fans, old and new, and an indelible portrait of the most talked-about team in NFL history.
Johnson and Stout will be at Gibson's at 5:30 p.m. Wednesday. The event is free and open to the public.


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The classic sms-message is on the decline, while chat-apps are entering. View why chat apps are uncertain.
Many smartphone users use to a greater extent chat apps that WhatsApp, iMessage and Facebook Messenger, instead of the more traditional text messages.
It means less revenue for telecommunications companies, but it also means that users will have less control over their private messages.
With traditional text messages remain your text message with telecommunications organizations, while users in no way know where their messages are sent, when sent via chat apps.
With the chat apps will also be greater opportunity to include files and images, and, consequently, the risk of getting viruses or other malicious software on the phone.
Peter Kruse of CSIS says to our site, that companies in the future especially must pay attention to two challenges when the company's employees using chat-apps:
First of all, you don't know where the messages end up, and secondly, do you have a great challenge with computer viruses.
-"In many ways we are in danger of returning to the 'good' old email-worm. People should be aware that they are sitting with a mini-computer between the hands" says Peter Kruse.
Beware of Apps like TrueCaller, WeChat, UC Browser and …
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10+ Dangerous Dogs Behind "Beware Of Dog" Signs
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Dangerous Apps
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This specific ISBN edition is currently not available.View all copies of this ISBN edition:
It was 1934 and a young man walked to London from the security of the Cotswolds to make his fortune. He was to live by playing the violin and by labouring on a London building site. Then, knowing one Spanish phrase, he decided to see Spain. For a year he tramped through a country in which the signs of impending civil war were clearly visible. Thirty years later Laurie Lee captured the atmosphere of the Spain he saw with all the freshness and beauty of a young man's vision, creating a lyrical and lucid picture of the beautiful and violent country that was to involve him inextricably.
"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.
RO60141000. AS I WALKED OUT ONE MIDSUMMER MORNING. 1979. In-12. Broch�. Etat d'usage, Couv. convenable, Dos satisfaisant, Mouillures. 186 pages. Illustr� d'une carte et de nombreux dessins en noir et blanc dans le texte. Dos insol�.. . . . Classification Dewey : 420-Langue anglaise. Anglo-saxonReview:
A beautiful piece of writing (Observer)
The vivid sensitive, irresistibly readable story of what happened after he left home (Daily Mail)
A poet's book (Sunday Times)
He writes like an angel and conveys the pride and vitality of the humblest Spanish life with unfailing sharpness, zest and humour (Sunday Times)
There's a formidable, instant charm in the writing that genuinely makes it difficult to put the book down (New Statesman)
"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.
� 7.50
From United Kingdom to U.S.A.
Book Description Penguin, 1973. Paperback. Condition: Brand New. later printing edition. 192 pages. 9.25x6.75x1.25 inches. In Stock. Seller Inventory # zk0140033181
Book Description Penguin Books, 1979. Paperback. Condition: New. Never used!. Seller Inventory # P110140033181
Book Description Penguin Books, 1979. Paperback. Condition: New. Brand New!. Seller Inventory # VIB0140033181
Book Description Penguin Books. Condition: new. new. Seller Inventory # think0140033181
Book Description Condition: New. New. Seller Inventory # M-0140033181
Book Description Penguin Books, 1979. Paperback. Condition: New. Ships with Tracking Number! INTERNATIONAL WORLDWIDE Shipping available. Buy with confidence, excellent customer service!. Seller Inventory # 0140033181n


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Case against Paul Manafort: the former Donald Trump campaign chief sentenced to 43 months in prison
Case against Paul Manafort
Case against Paul Manafort: The former Donald Trump campaign chief, Paul Manafort, was sentenced on Wednesday to 43 months in prison (about 3 and a half years) on charges stemming from the so-called "Russian plot".
The sentence handed down by a district judge in Washington DC comes just a week after Manafort, 69, was sentenced in Virginia to 47 months in prison for fraud in a separate case.
That means that Manafort received a total jail sentence of 7 and a half years.
- Paul Manafort, former campaign manager of Donald Trump, is sentenced to four years in prison for fraud
- The former Trump campaign boss Paul Manafort is found guilty of tax fraud
This latest decision of the US Justice comes on two charges of conspiracy that Manafort pleaded guilty to last year.
This Wednesday before the court of Washington DC that condemned him, Manafort assured sitting in a wheelchair that he wanted to apologize for his actions.
" I feel what I have done and all the actions that have brought us here today," he said.
The trial against Manafort is the product of the "Russian plot", the investigation led by special prosecutor Robert Mueller on the alleged involvement of Russia in the US presidential election in 2016, won by Trump.
However, the two convictions against Manafort are not related to the activities he carried out within the Trump campaign or the allegations of collusion with Russia.
Trump has always denied collusion with Russia and considers Mueller's investigation a "witch hunt."
Despite the condemnation of this Wednesday, Manafort will still have to respond to a new case of justice.
Shortly after the last sentence against him was heard, the New York Public Prosecutor's Office accused the former Trump campaign chief of mortgage fraud and other crimes.
President Trump has the power to pardon his former campaign chief for federal crimes, but not for the charges filed in New York.
"He is not a victim"
The jail sentence to Manafort is the biggest since the investigation into the "Russian plot" began.
"This case has taken everything from me: my property, my money, my life insurance, my fiduciary accounts for my children and grandchildren and much more," Manafort said before Judge Jackson on Wednesday.
Before announcing the conviction, the judge considered that the "accused is not public enemy number one, but neither is a victim."
He also agreed to cooperate with Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller in his investigation as part of an agreement for a possible reduction of the sentence.
However, only two months later, that agreement collapsed, according to the investigators, who assured that Manafort repeatedly lied to the government.


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Finance Minister Arun Jaitley presented the Union Budget 2017-18 in Parliament on February 1. According to him, the demonetisation move by Prime Minister Narendra Modi will not have a lasting impact on the economy.
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Sometimes personal factors may also be involved in the genesis of deviation. Sanctions can be positive or negative. Fortunately, community colleges and trade schools provide these desperately needed services to aid in the retraining process.
These theories seek to relate deviant behaviour with body type. As we have seen, in the modern society with its elaborate division of labour and complex institutional patterns, the difficulty of coordinating all the parts and of socializing all the humans to mesh their behaviours smoothly is formidable.
Along with social change the social norms also change. One of the most common assumptions about senior citizens is their excessive dependence on others. Prosecutors, courts and prisons must seize the opportunity to reclaim hundreds of thousands of addicts by using the criminal justice system to offer effective treatment for all who need it and incentives for them to achieve and maintain sobriety.
The form of overt force includes fines, punishment, imprisonment, torture and death. The standards of behaviour contained in the norms give order to social relation interaction goes smoothly if the individuals follow the group norms. Over the years, there has been development in the health and medical technology.
One article from Independent Review addresses this topic noting the following: We must know what behaviour to expect from others, what they expect of us, and what kind of society our children should be prepared to live in. Usually, there will be two primary degree tracks: There are also social elements to the relationship among smoking, drinking and using illegal and prescription drugs, as well as to polydrug use, particularly among children and teens.
Auto safety measures have curbed the highway death and injury rate. Today, life expectancy for men is 71 years while life expectancy for women is 79 years. There are many types of associate degrees, but the most important distinguishing factor is whether or not the degree is transferable.
But in a complex society there may be a number of deviant sub-cultures. Thirdly in modern differentiated groups, the degree for conformity Lo norms is affected by the fact that members frequently belong to a number of groups.
Without this agreement there would be a wide range of behaviour. Thus norms develop in relation to those matters which are relevant to group goals.
Some groups are able to impose severe sanctions upon its members because the members have no alternatives or because they can command little respect in alternatives.
But when large numbers of people resist the norms and evade them for over long periods of time, they are weakened and group is shaken. The internet is also widely used in the business world to advertise and market products. According to the second strategy developed by Edwin M. A leader is often both a conformist and a deviate.
There is a nationwide college-gender gap, and surprisingly, we are not focusing on it. Statistics show that Thus attitudes towards woman have changed dramatically over recent decades.
Commands are a direct verbal form of ordering and for bidding. What matters are of consequence to a group depends upon the main purposes and goals of the group, the relationship of that group to other groups, and other conditions in which it operates. The stresses and strains of modern social life produce menial illness.
Members are attracted to the group because: Therefore, the normative system, since it is meant to achieve results in the factual world, should be related to the events in the real world.
The conflict between organic resistance and social control is one of the unsolved problems of human life. The West permits free-mixing of sexes but the East does not approve it.
The technological advancements have changed how Americans live and interact with each other. The individual having internalized the norms, feels something like a need to conform. The dependence has been beneficial, as it has helped improve the quality and increase the quantity of health care in the American society.
But the modern society lacks coherent traditions, different groupings having different norms. A norm is a pattern setting limits on individual behaviour. The consequences of this epidemic are severe.American Society's Perception of Aging The statistical data and actuarial records relating to aging population trends and profiles throughout the United States are not only credible but astonishing.
American Society's Dependence on the Education System. American Society's Dependence on the Education System Each child that grows up in America by law is supposed to attend schooling from first grade through the age of sixteen.
Aug 10, · 10 Reasons the U.S. Education System Is Failing. The demands of careers and an over-dependence on schools put higher-class kids at risk too when it. Heroin Dependence Randy Brown, MD ABSTRACT Heroin use, particularly injection use, is a problem of South American sources predominate, as opposed to the West Coast, where Mexican heroin is more com- central nervous system, particularly in the region known as.
SAMHSA, in collaboration with the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) created the Physician Clinical Support System - Buprenorphine (PCSS-B) to assist physicians in the appropriate use of buprenorphine, and to promote improved patient care, research and education.
American Society of Addiction Medicine is the Nation's leading addiction medicine society representing physicians, clinicians and other professionals.Download


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Clothing stores New Zealand389 objects
New Zealand, Manawatu-Wanganui, Marton, New Zealand
New Zealand, Wellington
New Zealand, Auckland
New Zealand, Wellington
New Zealand, Canterbury, Christchurch
New Zealand, Wellington
Website: http://www.area51store.co.nz/
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New Zealand, Hawke's Bay, Napier, Emerson Street, 72
Phone: +64 6 835 1616
Website: http://www.bendonlingerie.co.nz/
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New Zealand, Hawke's Bay, Napier, Emerson Street, 205
Phone: +64 6 974 1771
Website: http://boardzonesurfco.com/
New Zealand, Wellington
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Phone: 0800122682
Opening Hours: Tu-Fr 08:00-17:30; Sa-Su 10:00-17:00
New Zealand, Waikato, Hamilton
Website: http://www.carolineeve.co.nz/
New Zealand, Bay of Plenty, Tauranga
New Zealand, Hawke's Bay, Napier, Tennyson Street, 1a
Website: http://www.charleston-chic.com/
Are you planning to completely update your wardrobe or buy a particular item from the latest collection of your favorite brand? We have created a directory especially for you. It includes the addresses and business hours of all the clothing stores in in New Zealand.
We have created a tool that allows you to select a store on the basis of your custom criteria. The database contains information about multi- and single-brand boutiques; men's, women's, and children's stores; sportswear stores; sales outlets specializing in plus size clothing; and stores with only the latest casual-style collections.
The database lets you select a store on the basis of the criteria that are important to you, such as, for example, price, parking, and many other considerations.
Don't waste time searching for a clothing store on your own. Just use our convenient system.


text: Oct 22nd 2017Instagram Photo It got weird last night heading back to Nash watching VH1 80's videos. Don't let manny fool you..he was all about it before the camera came on Comments Body * More information about text formats Text format Medium MediumImages with a data-picture-mapping attribute will be responsive, with a file size appropriate for the browser width. Post Image Add a new file Files must be less than 96 KB.Allowed file types: gif jpg jpeg. Leave this field blank


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Arsenal are ready to make a January move for Leicester City's impressive winger Riyad Mahrez, according to reports from the Express.
The Algeria international has been, arguably, one of the Premier League's top performers over the course of the first five games of 2015/16, with his four goals – the joint highest in the division – and 22 take ons – the greatest number of any player – particularly notable.
Although he did not score against Aston Villa on Sunday, Mahrez played a key role as the Foxes came back from 0-2 down to win 3-2, prompting Arsenal hero Alan Smith to hail the wide-man as the "bargain of the century" – he cost the King Power Stadium outfit around £500,000 back in January 2014.
WANT MORE? >> Arsenal transfer news | Latest transfer news
And it appears that the Gunners have been similarly impressed, with reports revealing that a January offer is in the offing.
The London club famously failed to sign a single outfield player over the summer, which has left Arsene Wenger a little short on attacking options.


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Marketing Lead (Fashion Retail) – Amsterdam
Marketing Lead (Fashion Retail) – Amsterdam – €55-80,000
Fashion retail brand, with their head office in the UK, is looking for a Marketing Lead to oversee brand awareness and footfall across mainland Europe (10 territories).
Reporting into the Head of Marketing and leading a team of managers and execs, you will be responsible for positively impacting footfall and brand awareness across all store formats, through flawlessly executed, consumer-relevant marketing campaigns, promotions and in-store communications (POS). You will work very closely with senior management at head office, while overseeing the development of local retail marketing calendars, aligned with merchandising and brand marketing for mainland Europe. You will have ongoing budget management for all territories and will determine the strategy for brand awareness across Europe, using a mix of media, PR, sponsorship and experiential marketing.
To be considered for this role, you must have solid business acumen and an in-depth knowledge of retail marketing KPIs. Offline retail marketing experience across multiple territories is absolutely essential (candidates without this experience will not be considered). You will be highly numerate, with the ability to analyse and understand data. You will have proven management experience and excellent English language skills (both written and spoken). Any experience of media buying, working with third part agencies and event management would be distinctly advantageous.
This is an excellent opportunity to join a very well-respected retailer, with exciting development plans and an impressive brand portfolio.
Apply Now


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Studio Gobo
Studio Gobo is renowned for working on acclaimed and award-winning games and with the very best publishers and game creators. The team at Studio Gobo have worked on some of the biggest IP's in the world including, Ubisoft's For Honor, Star Wars, Guardians of the Galaxy and many more.
Founded in 2011 the company has grown to over 180 talented people across two studios and a development pedigree that spans four decades. The team at Studio Gobo are perfectly placed to help bring any AAA game to market on any platform. The studio prides itself on its Tech R&D, animation, design, art and engineering teams.
Seasoned Gobo staff and new arrivals also enjoy a unique culture. Whether it's participating and relaxing with one of our wellness benefits or discussing the latest games over lunch cooked by our in-house chef. The Studio knows that it's the best people that make the best games and this is what Studio Gobo invests in.


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The Daniel Osborne Male Model Scene exclusive is tough and toned. Shining a spotlight on the model's intricate body art, this buff shoot is artful and vibrant. Groomed by Whitney Willison, Daniel sports a slicked back coif inspired by a retro rockabilly aesthetic.
Photographed by Michael Freeby, the model is subdued in in-studio captures and wild in outdoor shots, lensed against a bold graffitied wall. The model's detailed tattoos are juxtaposed against the vivid hues of the painted wall.
While the graffiti has an urban vibe, Daniel's inked body art is more ethnic. Despite their differences, the two canvases are both dynamic, mimicking one another with complementing line work. The Daniel Osborne Male Model Scene exclusive is biker-inspired, putting emphasis on the model's body art and buff physique.
Buff Tattooed Pictorials
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Retro Biker Portraits
Silly Body-Stamped Editorials
Badass Body Art Editorials
Raw Inked Captures
Artfully Inked Pictorials
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The Daniel Osborne Male Model Scene Exclusive is Tough and Toned
- By: Jana PijakApr 10, 2012
References: malemodelscene.net
References: malemodelscene.net