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By following a risk-minimizing process, the design professional can control project costs.
As design professionals, we like to believe that we have control over project costs and that bids will come in within budget. Our clients expect us to exercise our professional judgments in developing a realistic project budget that allows a design satisfying their needs. They further expect that when the bids are received, one or more of these bids will be within this budget. Needless to say, we know that the outcome will vary from client to client, project to project, and bid to bid.
How is the budget determined?
Generally, the project budget is established by factoring costs from previous projects and the use of estimating guides that determine dollars-per-square-foot costs. This budget may be developed prior to, during, or at the end of design.
At times, contractors or construction management consultants are brought in to assist in developing the budget. This budget is then used by the client to get funding approval. Once the project is approved, it's put out for bid.
What happens during bidding?
What we perceive as a linear, predictable process can become chaotic and beyond our control. Why? Because bids may be prepared on an entirely different set of assumptions; these may be in response to market conditions that are not reflected in estimating guides or data bases from previous projects.
There are numerous factors that determine the bids.
* The number of contractors bidding on the project.
* The bidders' level of experience in your project type.
* The number of projects that were bid the week before.
* The availability of the labor pool to do the work.
* The availability of experienced foremen to supervise the installation.
* The availability of materials, etc.
Example of problem project
Recently, we were involved in a simple retail strip center project with a developer who also acted as the general contractor. Our design was straight forward and the pricing was prepared by the developer. Believing that there would not be any problems, the budget was confirmed based on market conditions and the project put out for bid. As it turned out, the bids came in more than 30% over budget. What went wrong?
The most likely cause for the higher-than-expected bids was a dramatic change in market conditions in the few weeks prior to the bids coming in. The subcontractors probably acquired large amounts of work before putting together their bids for this project. Since they had plenty of work, their prices went up.
Another reason was the required use of specially experienced and skilled subcontractors because of unique site conditions. This limited the number of subcontractors that could do the work.
There was not enough time for alternate design solutions to reduce cost since lease agreements required that the project be completed as originally scheduled. The project went ahead but was plagued with problems to the end.
While this example may be extreme and hopefully rare, it does demonstrate that even the best planned projects can get out of control. Had we not involved the developer in the pricing and confirming of market conditions, we could have very easily been faced with a redesign situation.
How to minimize your risk
It's difficult to maintain a great deal of control in unforeseen circumstances such as changes in the market. The best way to handle these situations is to take proactive steps to minimize your risk. Instituting the following steps in our risk-minimizing process will help you achieve this goal.
1. Prepare a predesign report.
2. Hire a professional cost estimator.
3. Create quality documents.
4. Stay involved in the construction administration process.
While each of these steps viewed separately may not seem new or innovative, when assembled into a process, the results can be beneficial to any design professional.
This risk-minimizing process, when applied, does help you control project costs from initial design, during the construction document phase, and through construction. It requires that you take an active role throughout the entire process. In many ways, it's going back to the basics and doing the job right.
The process won't eliminate the occasional surprise, but it will help you to be better equipped to handle whatever snags come up along the way. Also, your client will appreciate the value added service.
Let's look at each step in detail.
The predesign report
The predesign report is the key to the process. This report is prepared prior to the schematic phase of a project and addresses the who, why, what, when, and where questions that exists for every project.
So often we and our clients rush ahead without having a clear vision of the project. Concerns over a design that best takes into account cost, schedule, and client's needs must be addressed. Many times these items are not mutually inclusive. If these items aren't addressed early, they becomes very difficult to change once the construction documents are completed.
The predesign report is a mental exercise in design with a minimal amount of drawing work. For very few dollars alternatives can be studied, problems identified and resolved, schedules reviewed, and budgets established. The ideal report will have one or more solutions with corresponding costs and a schedule identified.
This report can be used by your client's management to choose the solution that works best for them, secure funding for the project, and confirm the schedule. When the client gives approval, you have a clear direction in which to proceed.
When using the predesign report, you'll be surprised how much clients appreciate it. They feel it gives them more involvement in the process. Keeping the client more involved earlier in the project makes your job as the design professional easier and reduces your risks for budget, schedule, and redesign problems.
Professional cost estimating
A professional cost estimator is an individual who does cost estimating as a full-time profession. Since cost estimating is a small portion of the design professional's total responsibility, it's important that we have a clear understanding of how this process works. We must know the order-of-magnitude cost to provide an appropriate design as well as to guide us in determining our fee. This magnitude of cost may not be accurate enough to reflect the final design and project phasing; however, it must reflect the costs associated with a difficult installation and must include existing industry conditions at bid time.
Professional cost estimators fall into two categories: contractors and cost consultants. Both can be used for establishing the budget for your design. Each has advantages and disadvantages.
Contractors. Contractors must do cost estimating to secure their work and, to some degree, profit from it. At the time of bidding, they provide the market value of your design. When they bid your project, they usually have a completed design to work from and are responding to the current market conditions.
The dynamics at work here are in analogous to the value of a used car. The actual value of a used car is not based upon the sum of its parts, but really what someone else is willing to pay for it.
Our experience has been that most contractors have difficulty doing cost estimating with conceptual design. Their estimating programs are based on counting actual numbers of devices, light fixtures, etc. During a conceptual design, usually there are no drawings and the contractor must base the cost estimate on experience. As the design progresses and more information is available, the cost estimate may change, resulting in large jumps in costs late in game and may result in a redesign.
The positive aspect of using contractors is that typically they charge little or no cost for their services. However, keep in mind that you get what you pay for.
Cost consultants. Cost consultants carry a number of different labels: from construction managers to professional cost estimators. They use their years of experience and data bases to determine the costs for your design. To determine budgets, they use a combination of per-square-foot costs and itemized take-offs. The accuracy of their budgets is only as dependable as the data and experiences they are basing them on. To use the used car analogy, they basically determine a "Blue Book" cost of the project.
Cost consultants, in contrast to contractors, are very good at conceptual pricing. They are very skilled at applying per-square-foot cost on written information that might be available in the predesign phase of a project. As the design progresses, they modify and enhance the budget as more design information is available. However, their budget is just as vulnerable to market fluctuations at the time of bid as the ones you have in development. In any case, cost consultants are better able to get their budget to be closer to the actual cost than your ball park estimates.
Cost consultants, like any design professional, are paid on a fee-for-service basis. Whomever is paying for their services must be determined at the beginning of the project, during contract negotiations.
You'll find that professional cost estimators, either contractors or consultants, will enhance your team and allow for better bid results within the [+ or -] 5% range. The additional expense and effort to manage them will be well worth the results.
Quality documents
Documentation is probably the one item in the construction process that the design professional has the most control of. Work smart and use it wisely.
Obviously, if the contractor is unable to determine what your design intent is, bidding on it and constructing it will be very difficult. The detail and complexity of the documents will change depending on the delivery system employed (i.e. partnering, design/build, design/bid/build, etc).
The documents must always contain the information necessary for the contractor to bid the project and do the work. It's the responsibility of the design professional to assess the project complexities and the potential contractors' bidding the project to determine what goes into the documents. For example, the content of documents for a new 32 unit, stick-frame apartment building is much different than that for an uninterrupted power supply (UPS) system replacement at a 24 x 7 (24 hrs per day, 7 days a week) data center. Over detailing for the apartment building could result in higher bids since the contractors could perceive the project to be more complex than intended. It could also result in lower profits for you, since you gave the contractors more information than what they needed to do their work.
Under detailing for the UPS system replacement could be disastrous. While the documents to replace the UPS system could be simple and straight forward, the documents to keep the data center functioning during the replacement are complex. Depending on available space, maintenance windows, and the design of the distribution system, you may have to provide existing condition documents, phasing documents, and final installation documents to accurately describe to the bidding contractors what has to be done. Under detailed documents could easily result in low bids and excessive change orders as the contractor sorts out the actual requirements of the project.
Construction administration
So, things are going well. You've had a successful predesign report with a good design solution that fits the client's needs and budget. The professional cost estimator you employed verified the design and budget and provided an accurate cost estimate that the client used to establish the construction budget. The construction documents are clear and describe your intent. The bids come in within budget and minimal questions asked during bidding. The low bid contractor appears to be qualified and is awarded the project. As such, you now think that your work is complete and that you can focus on the next project. Think again! You must also institute a construction administration process.
Construction administration is the process that allows you to stay in control during the construction phase. So often, the design professional's involvement is reduced substantially during what is the most critical phase of the project: the interpretation of your design intent and the actual construction of it.
Every project a design professional works with is unique. Your design is an interpretation of your client's needs and your solution in response to the physical conditions present. Try as you might, construction documents cannot cover every aspect of the project. Likewise, the contractor isn't looking at the documents through your eyes and with your understanding. For this reason, it's in the best interest of the project that you be involved throughout all of its phases.
Your involvement in the construction administration is very simple. Your responsibilities include the following.
* Preparing the construction schedule in joint cooperation with the contractor.
* Chairing weekly site meetings.
* Preparing the meeting agenda and publishing the notes.
* Performing a job site inspection with the contractor's foreman prior to each meeting.
Typical agenda items in the construction site meeting include a review of progress (based on your observations); work that will be performed that week; status of schedule and necessary modifications; resolution of problems from the last meeting that haven't been resolved; new issues; and scheduling of shut-downs that will occur during the week.
It's important that the client, the contractor's project manager, and all foremen are present at these meetings.
The purpose of this process is not to manage the construction. The contractor is still responsible for all contractual obligations. You're merely maintaining active involvement in the project to assure a positive outcome. You'll be available when questions about your design arise (which they will) and you'll be in a position to respond quickly and provide interpretation.
Putting the process to work
Using the following real life example, let's see how the process works. This project was complex and consisted of replacing the electrical distribution system in an existing building, which was over 100 years old. Its electrical distribution system was not adequately documented, its electrical rooms did not provide adequate clearances for the old system, let alone a new system, and the client wanted a distribution system with capacity for the offices of the next century. That was the easy part.
What made this project so difficult was that the building was a 24 x 7 facility and had to stay in operation while its entire distribution system was replaced.
Finally, the client required a design\bid\build delivery process, needed a firm cost of construction to get funding, and could not have cost overruns.
By all rights, this was destined to join the list of projects that prematurely age design professionals. Well, it didn't. We were able to sell the client on our process and followed it to the end.
Predesign report. The predesign phase was used to look at different options and establish a preliminary budget and schedule. We then determined what the final design would be. In addition, we determined that additional space had to be provided at each electrical room to run new bus risers and install new panelboards while keeping the existing equipment in operation. The basic design intent was then approved by the client.
Cost estimating. To develop the construction budget that would be recommended to our client, we worked with two electrical contractors during the construction document phase. As the design was developed, these contractors independently reviewed the design for constructability and cost. When we received the final cost estimates from both contractors, we reviewed both in detail with our client. The actual budget submitted to our client's management was in between the two cost estimates (not averaged) and included various construction contingencies. Our rationale on the recommended budget was based upon our knowledge of the contractors and what we believed their methods of bidding were.
Quality documents. Our construction documents were very detailed. We knew that if we didn't communicate our design intent to the bidding contractors, we could have unplanned outages and cost overruns. All electrical rooms, riser locations, etc. were field measured to verify actual equipment locations (existing and new). This information went into existing condition drawings. Next, we prepared phasing drawings that provided a step-by-step replacement of existing equipment and risers with new equipment and risers. Temporary equipment and feeders were detailed. The final drawings showed the installed system after removal of all existing equipment and temporary equipment. These drawings became the record drawings that were turned over to the client.
In conjunction with the drawings, a written narrative was included in the specifications, describing the phasing of the work and the intended outcome. The project was bid and came in within budget.
Construction administration. The project went into the construction phase and we employed the construction administration process previously described. The project was completed within budget, in less time scheduled, and without unplanned outages. The facility stayed operational during the entire project.
The process helped us to satisfy all of our clients needs. The completed project provided our client with a distribution system capable of supporting their needs well into the next century.
To put this project into perspective the following work was accomplished.
* Removal of two 3000A, 120/208V electrical services and bus risers.
* Removal of all branch circuit panelboards.
* Installation of 3000A, 120/208V and 480/277V electrical services. Modifications were made to an existing 3000A 120/208V electrical service.
* Installation of four 120/208V bus risers and all new branch circuit panel boards.
* Installation of one 480/277V bus riser for future mechanical systems.
* Installation of one 480/277V emergency power bus riser with an associated power distribution system.
James Moravek, P.E. is Vice President of Hammel Green and Abrahamson, an architectural and engineering firm in Minneapolis, Minn.


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Stocks didn't move much. But they didn't sell off either. Is that a bad thing?
First the scoreboard:
Dow: 13,973, -9.5, -0.0 percent S&P 500: 1,521, +1.0, +0.0 percent NASDAQ: 3,198, +1.7, +0.0 percent
And now the top stories:
- The conditions for a sell-off were certainly in place. Before U.S. markets opened, we got GDP reports from Japan and Europe. Both showed declining growth. And both reports were worse than expected. Here Are 18 Scary Charts That Show The Real Crisis In Europe >
- The economic data out of the U.S. was a bit more encouraging. Initial weekly jobless claims fell to 341k, which was way below the 365k economists were looking for.
- In M&A news, Warren Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway and 3G Capital announced that it would acquire ketchup conglomerate HJ Heinz Company. The group offered a steep 20 percent premium to shareholders.
- So what are we to make of this bull market, which sits near 5-year highs? Citi's Tobias Levkovich warns that sentiment may be reaching dangerously high levels. "The Panic/Euphoria Model has spiked to near its highs over the past three years, suggesting frothy levels have ensued," writes Citi's Tobias Levkovich. "While a variety of other factors are constructive for equity indices, this proprietary gauge is starting to get perilously close to euphoria, cutting above the complacency readings seen in April/May 2012. In the past, when the model reached such levels, the equity markets experienced some modest consolidation."
- Veteran hedge fund manager Felix Zulauf is also worried. He's particularly concerned about the lack of sell-offs in this bull run. "If the markets do not correct as I expect some time in spring, if the markets would continue to go up, and not be confirmed by internal technicals, then it gets very, very dangerous," said Zulauf in an interview with King World News. "Then we would resemble much more a market situation that has some similarities to 1987 ... I'm just saying we are in dangerous territory, and people should be aware of that and take precautionary steps."
- Don't Miss:The Secret Trading Strategy From The 1930s That Hedge Funders Don't Want You To Know About >
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Old Mother Hubbard: The Inside Linebackers
>> 3.11.2011
The news is not good. The thick black line indicates the NFL average. The bright yellow line indicates the best-PFF-graded ILB in the NFL, Lawrence Timmons. The bronze-ish line shows the worst-PFF-graded ILB in the NFL, Jonathan Vilma. That every single one of the Lions' ILB are between the black line and bronze line is not good. Let's start with the starter, DeAndre Levy.
DeAndre had an inauspicious start to the season: first a back injury sidelined Levy for much of training camp, then a groin injury sidelined him for most of the preseason, then an ankle injury sidelined him until Halloween. Incredibly, Levy still logged 749 snaps, just under the league average for an inside linebacker. While he was out there, he was inconsistent, but slightly positive. He had strong games against Buffalo, Green Bay, and Miami, and weak ones against New England and Miami. His worst grade of the season, though, was his only pre-bye appearance: Week 3, at Minnesota (-2.7).
This was both his first game back from the groin, and when he suffered the ankle injury—so I'm willing to give him a pass for that game, and for much of the season. But Levy's shortcomings in run support are really holding his grade back. PFF charts tackles and assists, as well as missed tackles—their tackle data is flatly much better than the "official" tackles passed out by team scorers. I created my own little metric by adding PFF tackles to PFF assists, and dividing by PFF missed tackles. Levy was tied (with Stewart Bradley) for last in the NFL; both tallied just 4.9 total tackles for each one they missed. The league average? 12.83.
Of course, Levy was a third-round pick in 2009, an outside linebacker with a ton of upside. That upside lay in his hitting, his athleticism, and his theoretical ability to cover (though he was not an outstanding coverage OLB in college). PFF tracks opponent passer rating against each defender, and Levy was 13th-best in the NFL with this, at 86.1 (avg 98.0). He was also 15th-best in individual YpC against with 8.9 (avg 10.0). The longest reception Levy allowed was just 20 yards long, tied for fourth-best in the NFL (avg. 32.7). His actual coverage grade was slightly below average, indicating inconsistency. Still, the metrics show that he wasn't thrown at very often, and when he was not much damage was done.
This training camp was Levy's first as a starter, and first as a pure middle linebacker. It was vitally important that he go through camp and learn his assignments cold. He couldn't. It was crucial that he get a lot of snaps in preseason, to get his timing down. He didn't. He didn't see regular action until Week 8—and when he did, he almost never took a breather. Per PFF, he missed only two defensive snaps from Week 8 on; an incredible workload. By my count, he'd have played the second-most snaps in the NFL if he were healthy all season long.
Bottom Line: Levy is exactly where Cliff Avril was at this point last year: third-round pick from a Big Ten school, battling injuries and switching positions. Levy will have to take an Avrilesque step forward in 2011 to prove he's a long-term solution to the ILB problem—but even if we get more of the same, he's not a liability on this defense.
No other ILBs got the requisite 25% of snaps, but Landon Johnson came close. Average in pass rush, a little below average in coverage, and well below average in run support, this career OLB/special teams ace was a step down from Levy, but not as big of one as you'd expect. He was better than awful, but still well below average.
Bottom Line: Johnson will be an unrestricted free agent, and has no future playing ILB for the Lions. If he's brought back, it will be as a special teamer—and there'll be lots of competition there.
Several other players got snaps for the Lions at ILB; Spencer Havner and Ashlee Palmer foremost amongst them. But, I'll either grade those players as OLBs, or not at all. For 2011 and the forseeable future, DeAndre Levy is the only credible inside linebacker the Lions have.
SHOPPING LIST: The Lions are rolling with DeAndre Levy at starter, who's proven he can play at at least a decent level. He has flashed the potential to get much better, though, and the Lions will hope he does. The Lions could use a credible veteran backup here, in lieu of repurposing OLBs or special teams specialists.


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Risky Business: Understanding the Economy
Morten Nielsen
Morten Nielsen smiles patiently as I ask him if his work will help avert the next financial crisis. "It might ... but that is a little like asking a theoretical physicist if his work will make stronger bridges. My work in econometrics is theoretical and involves developing mathematical and statistical tools to analyze economic data in various ways."
Dr. Nielsen, a professor of economics at Queen's, holds both the David Chadwick Smith Chair in Economics and the Canada Research Chair in Time Series Econometrics. His research creates tools to uncover the intelligibilities in economic data. "And yes," he adds, "hopefully those tools can be used by others to avoid the next financial crisis." Nielsen wants to make it clear that his work does not involve recommending which actions governments should take, or what policies they should follow. Rather, his research takes its starting point from revealed shortfalls of current theory and develops tools that empirical economists need to make better predictions about the economy, and that policy makers want to model the effects of new policies.
For instance, even though many economists commented how obvious the warning signs were after the fact, almost no one predicted the economic crisis of 2008, let alone its timing. Assessing and predicting volatility and risk in markets is one of the greatest challenges in modern economics, a fact laid bare by the last crisis. It seemed that certain basic assumptions about the economy didn't seem quite up to the task.
Nielsen tackles one of these assumptions in his research into the effect of past data on future events in a market. In econometrics, this idea is called "long memory." "What that means," Nielsen explains, "is that the past data of a particular variable in the economy is highly correlated to its future behaviour." In analysis of, say, stock market returns, the assumption is typically the opposite. And for good reason. To suggest that there is memory in returns data is a little like saying that if you flip a coin, whether you flipped heads or tails on the previous turn has some influence on what you'll flip next. Which is just not how the world works. Even though, as you keep flipping, the ratio of heads to tails approaches 50/50, there is certainly no memory in coin flipping – each coin-flip is independent of the one that came before. More or less, the same is assumed for stock market returns over time – that is, one day's returns offer no correlation to tomorrow's. As Nielsen explains, "the assumption is logical in the sense that if future returns were in any way predictable from past events, people would do it and make bazillions. Since no one is doing so, that seems to indicate there is no memory in stock market returns."
However, for the past 30 years or so, empirical researchers have been finding more and more evidence of long memory in many other economic and financial data. The implication is that the data of economies are not like the data of coin flips – at least not universally. Rather, there is memory in the data that can be used to predict the future. However, the great challenge remains to tease out the variables in the data that are correlated over time. And that requires very sophisticated tools which Nielsen and his colleagues are still developing.
One recent success by Nielsen and his colleagues was to collect data from the pricing of futures and use those data to predict future volatility in the underlying markets. Futures traders try to predict the future volatility of the assets in the underlying market (e.g. stocks) in order to price futures contracts 30 days or so into the future. So by looking at the data from the entire futures market, Nielsen was able to tease out a level of implied volatility in the underlying market and thereby better predict the volatility, or risk, of the assets in the underlying market.
These are exactly the tools needed by economists working in industry and government, whose job it is to be able to see the signs of risk in the market before crises happen. And this progress will only be made by researchers such as Nielsen who are attending carefully to the data to gain mathematical insights that will in time reveal more and more the hidden patterns of our economy.
Lowell Cochrane
(e)Affect Issue 5 Spring 2014


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On-screen John Barrowman plays a sex-mad alien investigator. In real life he's from Glasgow
John Barrowman has made the adult sci-fi series Torchwood a smash in Britain. On the eve of its U.S. arrival he talks marriage, making out with Cher, and emerging gay heroes.
John Barrowman is easing into his first coffee of the day and recalling a reporter's effusive—but loaded—compliments about his colorful Etro shirt. "I knew she wanted me to say it was flamboyant, but I thought, I'm going to make you work for it. Finally she got around to a question about my life. I said, 'Oh, my God, you said gay! I'm so proud of you. It only took you 20 minutes!' "He leans back against the booth and laughs broadly, a hand on his stomach like he's trying to restrain himself.
"I have no problem talking about it," he rushes to clarify, as if it's possible to miss the mischievous gleam in his eyes. "I'm proud of what I've done. I'm proud of who I am, and I'm proud to be gay. No qualms."
Born in Scotland and raised in Illinois, Barrowman conquered London's West End theaters before seducing television viewers as a sexually insatiable, swashbuckling traveler of space and time in the hugely successful 2005 revival of the cult BBC show Doctor Who. Now the United Kingdom's biggest triple threat has returned stateside to give us a glimpse of the future: a 21st-century matinee idol who makes it all look easy.
Officially out since an interview in England's Gay Times magazine in 2004, Barrowman was in truth hardly ever in and has seemed incapable of keeping quiet about his sexuality since. One minute he's talking with starry eyes about his partner of 15 years, and in the next he rambles about his raunchy fantasies, frequently accompanying himself with a flailing, X-rated pantomime. And he does it all with the same easy elegance he brings to the character that's made him a household name in the United Kingdom.
Barrowman's Captain Jack Harkness is a charming cad who hails from a distant tomorrow but has stolen all his moves from the scruffy con men of our cinematic past. Both the character and the actor leave a kind of time-traveling deja vu in their wake. To talk with Barrowman is to forget for a minute that we don't all already live in a time and place where macho leading roles are handed out to unrepentantly gay men without a single discussion as to how audiences might respond.
But that's exactly what happened when the executives in charge of reviving Britain's family-friendly drama Doctor Who set about casting Jack. "John is a very infectious person and actor," says Julie Gardner, who along with Queer as Folk creator Russell T. Davies serves as an executive producer for Doctor Who. "He has huge charisma."
Then, in an effort to expand the Who brand to a more mature, prime-time audience, Davies created Torchwood, a Jack-helmed spin-off that's more X Files than Star Trek. Jack was given his own team of attractive alien investigators and sent out to save the world—or at least modern-day Cardiff, the bustling capital city of Wales. When not busy shooting at unidentified objects, he revels in his well-advertised "omni-sexuality," which largely involves trying to get into the pants of every man, woman, and creature who crosses his path. [See sidebar.]
Back on Planet Barrowman, it's normal to be inundated by kids in supermarkets seeking autographs on their Captain Jack action figures. The Royal Air Force even asked him to do a fly-by and pose for in-character photo ops. While such a request of an openly gay actor is unthinkable in the current climate of the U.S. military, the United Kingdom drafted a new code of conduct in 2000 allowing gay men and women to serve openly in its armed services. "That's why I said I'd do it." Out comes the wicked grin: "I'd like to think my pilot was gay. How many gay boys want to go in the cockpit? I did that!"
It's also practically a given that everyone who talks about either Barrowman or Captain Jack eventually uses the word hero. "A cheeky hero," Gardner says, laughing, "most definitely."
Barrowman's family relocated to Illinois when he was 8, right about the time he began to notice he was far more interested in boys than girls. In his new Midwestern life, Barrowman says, "If you were queer, there was something wrong with you." But he has little interest in dwelling on an angst-ridden coming-of-age story. "I had no angst, no anxiety," he insists.
"I think he had a harder time than I probably knew about," says his older sister, Carole Barrowman, recounting a story of John being bullied that she hadn't heard until she helped write his autobiography, due out in 2008.
"I played flute, do you know?" he points out dryly, his American accent peppered with British slang. "I was in choir. I wanted to be a cheerleader—I liked those tight pants, and you would get to go to competitions where there were other boys who were probably like me. But I never pushed that. I could have ostracized myself, but I loved the social aspect. I did make-out sessions with girls while in my head I was going, What am I doing?"
His male friends helped in their own way. "We'd be watching dirty movies, the other boys at one end of the sofa and me at the other, and everyone's giving it—" He mimes jerking himself off. "And I'm having a little look." He also nursed a serious crush on a close friend but never made a move. "I thought by just being gay you would get AIDS." He shakes his head angrily. "Stupid fucks—not us, them [for not teaching us about it]."
"And, OK," he admits, "people called me a fag, but I ignored it."
Escape came in the dubious form of a singing gig at Opry-land USA, a now-defunct Nashville theme park, where he finally met other gay men. "I had my first kiss, and that was lovely," he remembers. "But I didn't do anything really full-on until I was in my 205."
When he finally came out to his parents, he presented them with two options, he says: "'One is that you turn your back on me, and I walk out this door. Or two, my life is going to be a journey, and I'm going to do, I hope, great things. And I want you to be a part of it."
"They actually said, 'We are a bit appalled that you would think we would turn our back on you: And my dad said, 'I don't understand a lot of it yet, but I will: And they have."
Behind every hero is a great man. According to Barrowman, Scott Gill, 44, has "a body like an Armani model and a cock like a donkey," a description that can't be news to Gill but might make the shy British architect uncomfortable. He prefers to stay out of the spotlight—so much so, in fact, that despite Barrowman's fame in the United Kingdom, this is the first interview he's ever given.
Across 5,000-odd miles and two weeks, Barrowman and Gill each tell me their love story, and like two guilty men in an interrogation, their fairy-tale versions match up almost perfectly.
"In 1993, I was doing my first straight play," Barrowman says, and winks. "You know, no singing or dancing." The play was Rope (the same adapted for film by Alfred Hitchcock), and a mutual friend dragged Gill to a performance.
"The lights went up and there's John and two other guys naked," Gill says. Barrowman was nude for seven minutes, and Gill recalls his stage presence, without a shred of irony, as being "like a lighthouse on a dark night." He remembers thinking, "That's the guy I'd like to have a relationship with."
Their friend brought Gill backstage, where Barrowman was still getting changed. "I was pulling my pants up," Barrowman says, "but then again, he'd already seen it all. When I turned around and saw him, that was it. I just knew as soon as I looked at him: That's the man I'm going to spend the rest of my lift with."
The rest of their lives had to wait a while. Barrowman had dinner plans (with Sarah Brightman), and both men were somehow too nervous to call for a proper date. Gill says every time he caught Barrowman's new TV show, a series called Live & Kicking, he'd think, "Shit, that means the guy's really out of my league now." Months later, Barrowman was test-driving a new Jaguar in London's Soho neighborhood and saw Gill on the street. This time he stopped to say hello. Gill wanted to know if the wheels were a gift from a sugar daddy; Barrowman wanted Gill to come see him in Sunset Boulevard that night.
They went out after, "to dinner with Cher," Gill says. "That was our first date. There were all these paparazzi taking pictures of him kissing Cher. But he went back to my place."
They promptly kicked their respective boyfriends to the curb and moved in together, completely opposite personalities be damned. "I'm like a pressure cooker that's always going," Barrowman says, "and Scott is so laid-back." Gill is the self-described "hand on John's shoulder," pulling him hack from an excessive shopping spree, reminding him to cat, and looking after him when Barrowman's crashed out from a string of back-to-back shooting days and social commitments.
As he reads this, Gill may wish he had been in Los Angeles for Barrowman's description of his darkest fantasy, divulged with little prompting by this interviewer: "I have a fetish for leather that I've never lived out. I would like to be blindfolded and guided in a room, with everyone else in chaps, in harnesses and slings, and just—" He leans forward to intimate, "I'm a control freak. So I'd be taken out of my control zone."
He says he's never tried—"if anybody out there would like to arrange it, give me a ring"—and that if he asked, he thinks Gill would be willing. "But sometimes fantasies should remain fantasies. We are kind of conservative in that way."
Not like Republican-conservative, he says suddenly, noting that their relationship rules are fairly forgiving. "It's a decision of whether you let the little humps and bumps destroy everything," he says. "You may have a little wank somewhere, but it's not a relationship killer."
Last December they celebrated Is years together with a civil partnership ceremony in Cardiff, which was attended by friends and family and stalked by tabloid photographers. They were on the evening news, and their wedding portraits made the cover of the U.K. magazine OK!
Gill was less than thrilled about all the attention. "But I enjoy the fact that John loves it so much," he says. "That makes it easier to tolerate. It's not my kind of thing at all. He does have an amazing energy, though. He comes off a stage and I fall in love with him all over again."
If there's a villain in this story, it's the low expectations TV executives have for their audiences, especially in the United States. Gill describes Barrowman's struggle to break through on American TV as a series of "false starts," but it's the polite phrasing of a sympathetic spouse.
His most notable American film role is beautifully played—a young actor who sings for and then seduces Kevin Kline's Cole Porter in De-Lovely—but hardly a major part, or a major stretch.
When Barrowman auditioned for Will & Grace, producers said he was "too straight" to be believable. But given the way Eric McCormack's heterosexuality provided an easy comfort zone— especially in the wake of Ellen's cancellation—it's not unimaginable that NBC was happy to dodge a double whammy of gay press.
When cast on CBS's short-lived Central Park West, Barrowman was told by the studio not to discuss his sexuality, even though show creator Darren Star is openly gay. Did he follow orders? "No," Barrowman says, shortly. "And you know, maybe it was detrimental to me, but I didn't care. Once you've been put in a position of either the limelight or authority, and you are an honest and truthful human being, you are political."
Even in the United Kingdom, "John had an agent before who was very unhappy about my ever appearing with him," Gill says. Since he signed with Gavin Barker, an openly gay manager—with whom Barrowman agreed he should casually mention Gill during the aforementioned Gay Times interview—his career has soared.
Maybe the combination of Barrowman's naughty wit and Captain Jack's shoot-'em-up sex appeal will be too much for America to resist. Already committed as a host or ice dancer or special guest star to a wildly varied array of British television shows, in addition to Torchwood and a multi-episode arc on the new season of Doctor Who, Barrowman had to turn down a U.S. feature film and the role of Rob Lowe's gay brother on ABC's Brothers & Sisters.
After all, a hero's journey isn't supposed to be easy—and for Barrowman, it was growing up gay that taught him exactly the kind of brave behavior Captain Jack embodies. "It makes us more compassionate," he says. "It's made us grow into stronger people. We are, yeah—" He pauses and then nods emphatically. "We are heroes. And I love that:'
Caption: Previous page and this page: Black wool coat with high collar and black V-neck sweater by Bottega Venetta. Black tuxedo pants by Hugo Boss. Black patent Leather lace-ups by Dolce & Gabbana. Burgundy cashmere V-neck sweater by Hugo Boss. Silver watch by Tag Heuer.
Jack of all trades
Jack never quite manages to make it all the way to a bed, but he definitely gets more than his fair share of make-out action.
On the first season of the revived Doctor Who, when it looks like the universe is going to end (for real this time!), Jack grabs Rose, his time-traveling companion, and kisses her goodbye. Then he turns to the Doctor (played by Heroes' Christopher Eccleston) and lays one on him in the exact same way.
Torchwood creator Russell T. Davies promised everyone on the show would get a same-sex kiss—and they did. Here's your viewing guide to five favorites. (If you'd rather be surprised, stop reading now.)
Episode Highlights...
DAY ONE: Owen, the brilliant and arrogant team scientist, uses a min -altering love potion to seduce a straight couple into coming back to his flat.
GREEKS BEARING GIFTS. Tech goddess Toshiko is given an ESP-enabling necklace, then spends most of the episode in bed with her alien sugar mama.
THEY KEEP KILLING SUZIE: Don't miss the sexually charged final five minutes, when lento (office manager—butler) cryptically convinces an exhausted Jack to send the others home because "there are a lot of things you can do with a stopwatch."
CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS: Jack gets stuck in 1941 and is reluctant to leave the handsome American pilot with whom he shares a name—and a heartbreaker of a slow-dance smooch.
END OF DAYS: All hell breaks loose in the season finale, but when the world doesn't end (again), Jack and Ianto only have eyes for each other, diving into a triumphant action-movie kiss.
Disclaimer: These citations are created on-the-fly using primitive parsing techniques. You should double-check all citations. Send feedback to email@example.com
- APA 6th ed.: Krochmal, Shana Naomi (Oct. 2007). On-screen John Barrowman plays a sex-mad alien investigator. In real life he's from Glasgow. Out p. 100.
- MLA 7th ed.: Krochmal, Shana Naomi. "On-screen John Barrowman plays a sex-mad alien investigator. In real life he's from Glasgow." Out [add city] Oct. 2007, 100. Print.
- Chicago 15th ed.: Krochmal, Shana Naomi. "On-screen John Barrowman plays a sex-mad alien investigator. In real life he's from Glasgow." Out, edition, sec., Oct. 2007
- Turabian: Krochmal, Shana Naomi. "On-screen John Barrowman plays a sex-mad alien investigator. In real life he's from Glasgow." Out, Oct. 2007, section, 100 edition.
- Wikipedia (this article): <ref>{{cite news| title=On-screen John Barrowman plays a sex-mad alien investigator. In real life he's from Glasgow | url=http://cuttingsarchive.org/index.php/On-screen_John_Barrowman_plays_a_sex-mad_alien_investigator._In_real_life_he%27s_from_Glasgow | work=Out | pages=100 | date=Oct. 2007 | via=Doctor Who Cuttings Archive | accessdate=24 August 2019 }}</ref>
- Wikipedia (this page): <ref>{{cite web | title=On-screen John Barrowman plays a sex-mad alien investigator. In real life he's from Glasgow | url=http://cuttingsarchive.org/index.php/On-screen_John_Barrowman_plays_a_sex-mad_alien_investigator._In_real_life_he%27s_from_Glasgow | work=Doctor Who Cuttings Archive | accessdate=24 August 2019}}</ref>


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Remote control station for surface drilling safety
Atlas Copco's BenchREMOTE on show at Bauma 2016
December 22, 2015
Atlas Copco's BenchREMOTE on show at Bauma 2016
Surface drillers working in hazardous environments no longer have to stop work if things get a little too risky. They can just leave the rig, get set up in a safer spot, and then resume drilling. With operator safety as a top priority, Atlas Copco has come up with a system that enables bench drilling rigs to be operated from a distance in open pit mines or quarries. Developed with hazardous environments in mind, the BenchREMOTE mobile control station will be on display at the Bauma 2016 exhibition in Munich Germany (April 11–17). Specifically designed for operators of the company's SmartROC D65 and SmartROC D60 drill rigs at sites where the stability of the walls may be in doubt, BenchREMOTE can be used instead, up to 100 m from the drilling area and 30 m above the rig's position. BenchREMOTE stations use a video camera system, giving a complete view of the drilling site. In addition, the screen, joystick and control console are identical to those of the rig. Communication is via a WiFi network, making it independent of the local network infrastructure, and the station can be installed in a vehicle, on a trailer or inside a container. A case in point is the Savage River iron ore mine on the island of Tasmania. The mine is located in a region of frequent and heavy rainfall that sometimes threatens the stability of the walls. Here, a BenchREMOTE unit mounted in a vehicle is used to control the mine's SmartROC D65 whenever necessary. It is particularly useful for footwall drilling, enabling the feed to get closer to the wall without risk to the operator. Apart from the obvious safety benefit, BenchREMOTE also has the potential to increase productivity as it can control up to three drill rigs in parallel. A precondition for BenchREMOTE drilling is that its associated SmartROC D65 or SmartROC D60 is equipped with the Atlas Copco Hole Navigation System (HNS). However, all existing SmartROC D65 rigs that lack this feature can be upgraded to work with BenchREMOTE. At Bauma 2016, BenchREMOTE can be viewed and tested at the Atlas Copco outdoor display, Stand 1108.
For more information please contact:
Cecilia Widegren, Communications Professional
Mobile: +46 (0)70 676 2022 Email: firstname.lastname@example.com
Surface and Exploration Drilling is a division within Atlas Copco's Mining and Rock Excavation Technique business area. It develops, manufactures, and markets rock and exploration drilling equipment for various applications in civil and geotechnical engineering, quarries and both surface as well as underground mines worldwide. Atlas Copco's strong focus on innovative product design and service support systems gives added customer value. The main production centers are in Sweden, Italy, India, Japan and China. The divisional headquarters is in Örebro, Sweden.


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"This beats going to class," said McCartney, who played the surprise show and answered questions from the high school students.
Marco, a junior at Frank Sinatra School of the Arts said, "It's a pleasure and an honor for me," before asking McCartney about developing musicality throughout his career.
McCartney's lessons for students ranged from not being afraid to make a mistake on stage, that fame makes you free to write what you want, and to use family, love and memories as inspiration.
He also told students that they are "an advantage" because they are receiving training at the Frank Sinatra School of the Arts, which was founded by Tony Bennett.
Bennett was in the audience for the show and the students gave him a standing ovation.
McCartney performed songs off his latest album, New, that will be released on October 15. In addition to the new material, he played classic Beatles hits like "Lady Madonna," "Blackbird" and "Hey Jude."
"On the stage today you will not only experience someone who changed the world of music, but you will be in the presence of a man who changed the world," said Jim Kerr, D.J. for Q104.3, who moderated the event. "It is only right that we welcome a knight to the realm to Queens County."
This is not the legendary rock star's first trip to Queens. During the performance he mentioned his last tour, which including a show at Citi Field, but noted that this show was different.
"I like the intimacy, I like to see the people," he said, explaining it reminded him of the early days when the "big places" wouldn't book his "band."
"You were a great audience," said McCartney at the end of the surprise concert. "Thank you for having us at your school."


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One of my biggest pet peeves is that people still stigmatize mental health issues. There is nothing wrong with being a little crazy. I can say that because I worked in the mental health field. We all have issues and if a little medicine is going to help your mind function properly, I am all for it.
I have a history of depression and it runs rampid through my family. So, when the affair struck, my therapist suggested that I ask about an antidepressant as sort of prevention. I didn't have a problem with that except I resented my husband for making me have to deal with this. But anyway, I was given the same antidepressant I was on years ago but for some reason, this time, it didn't work as well. So I had to switch to another one...and then another one....until I was given Cymbalta. EUREKA!
With all of the ruminating I do about the affair, it's a wonder I can focus on anything but I can and it's all because of my new little friend. However, it made me stay up all night. I would have bad restless legs and I would just think about the affair ALL NIGHT LONG. Astounding enough, I wasn't that tired in the morning, but that could also be from the adrenaline all my thoughts were revving up.
I was also having migraines...yeah no one should have an affair on someone who suffers from migraines because stress precipitates them. All the stress did make my migraines worse and more often. So I started on all these different migraine medications (I am in my 30s but yet I am like an old woman needing meds and doctors appointment everyday) and none of them worked. Now I am on a prevention for migraines - Elavil.
That stuff KNOCKS ME OUT. It's so great. As soon as it starts working, I drift off to sleep and I don't wake up until the morning. No more sleepless nights for me. Hopefully, no more migraines but it's too early to tell.
So what's my point? If you're suffering badly from the affair and it's affecting other areas of your life or you have a history of depression or other mental health disorder, ask your therapist or medical doctor about medication. There's nothing wrong with it....when you're physically ill, you don't worry about treating yourself with medication then do you? Well, treat your mind, which rules your body, just as well.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Let's Talk Medication for Affair Recovery
One of my biggest pet peeves is that people still stigmatize mental health issues. There is nothing wrong with being a little crazy. I can say that because I worked in the mental health field. We all have issues and if a little medicine is going to help your mind function properly, I am all for it.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day Alone but Together
My husband is away right now. I could have driven the two hours to meet his boat with the kids in tow but it would have been too much on them and me. Our babysitter is in high school so it's not like she could have babysat into the late hours of the night. So, today, I spent Valentine's Day without my husband. I am fine with that. I am a military wife and that is one of the things I do.
However, my husband and I spent hours talking on the phone tonight. Not something out of the ordinary. We are pretty good communicators. We click in that way. We can talk and talk and always find something more to talk about. At the foundation of our relationship we have friendship...and it may be the only thing holding us together ...well, along with the kids.
Tonight, his friends asked if he wanted to go out with them. They know what the answer will be because after the affair discovery I told him that I would not stand by while he went off with his friends like he said he was doing before or like he did before...we have no trust right now and well, God knows what he could be doing while out with them. I'll tell you, I got a little nervous him being docked in a city...I started conjuring up stories that his little slut mate was driving there to meet him for the night after 6 months away.
Anyway, my point is this, my husband answered this to his friends who tried to get him to go with them: It's Valentine's Day, how fair is it that my wife stays home tonight with the kids and I go out drinking with you fools?
Mind you, some of them are married themselves. They just shrugged and walked away. At least, finally, my husband is making sense out of situations. It just sucks that it took an affair to get him to see the light...
Sunday, February 13, 2011
God Speaks to Me About the Affair
I have never had so many signs from God than what I have experienced during the entire affair. When I first got the feeling that my husband was cheating, on a whim, I checked the Verizon bill to find one number texted hundreds of times. Without even thinking about it, I left clicked and my eyes were drawn to something that said "search on google", I did that and what do you know...her facebook page came up. That is when I found out and my life changed.
During all the times that my husband was with her, I had this very strong feeling. Some people say that it's because we are soul mates so I am in tune with him. But I firmly believe it was God telling me something was not right at all. I had many months of agony as these strong signs became stronger even though everyone told me that he would never do something as bad as have a physical affair on me.
Since my husband's grandfather died and I was staying with his grandmother while we closed on our house, I visited his grave site. I begged that if there was anyway that he could help me then please please send me a sign. I left the cemetary and within a few minutes, I felt very anxious ...so anxious that I started shaking. I told my husband's grandmother that I had to leave the next day to "save her grandson." I begged her not to tell him I was coming.
The next day is the one that I drove 14 hours back to where we were moving to and found out about him with her in a hotel room by begging the receptionist at the hotel to let me just peek in his room. All I needed to see was his stuff and her stuff and I would know. What do you know?...that's exactly what I saw. Again, my life was changed forever.
My husband now has become much more religious and has come to mass with me on Sundays. Each week, the gospel and homily directly talks to my husband about sins. It's freaky actually. But it does make me smile because it's usually about how you should resist temptation and that you should ask for forgiveness for sins.
Well, my husband is gone right now, so I went to church by myself. And what do you know....the gospel was about how God sees marriage and divorce. Then the homily was about....anger. Yes, that's right ANGER. Then to top it all off...the priest asked all the married people to stand up...he then did a special blessing for all marriages. Wow.... I could never of asked for a better sign that God continues to look after me and is trying to help me.
I did find comfort in the words the priest said. He mentioned that anger not only strains all relationships in your life but also the one you have with God. That is so true...since the affair discovery, I continue to have faith but it's much weaker than it's ever been. I know God is watching over me and trust that he knows what I need...but I haven't really asked for it. Anyway, the priest went on to say that anger may lead you to commit other greater sins and I do believe that is true.
He suggested that while you can be angry, don't let the anger control you ...rather you control the anger. Don't lose yourself in it and forget how to be a good Christian. Something that I have thrown to the wayside to emotionally punish my husband for hurting me so incredibly bad. The thing I forgot was that I am committing a sin and as the gospel said, I will have to answer to that as much as he is going to have to answer about his affair. Side note: That makes me mad too because the affair, which didn't need to happen, is the reason why I have to answer to God about anger - it's not as if I am angry over a frivolous matter. But I digress... I want to get my life back in order. I want to start having my faith back...because I know God is with me. I just need to give my fear and depression to Him, so I can be free. As long as I can keep that in the forefront of my mind, I may be able to feel a little more at ease.... we'll see....
Friday, February 11, 2011
Understanding the Affair
I don't know if I ever will understand why my husband had the affair. I know that he is the world's biggest selfish person...or at least among the selfish people on this earth but I don't know if that is what really led him to the affair.
My husband broke down yesterday because all I wanted was for him to leave me alone. I just wanted to wallow for a day or so in my own self pity...but it drove him nuts. He convinces himself that I am planning on leaving. Honestly, what did he think was going to happen when he decided to cheat on me? He said he didn't think at all. I can't believe that. I just can't. It's not like he set out to meet her and sex just happened...This was an 8 month affair.
Wedding Pictures After the Affair
I have threatened many many many times to rip up all our wedding pictures and throw them away. I have also threatened to set them on fire. I have no feelings attached to that event any more. All of the meaning in those pictures and promises have been broken. Do I really need them? All they do is remind me of the lies he told on that day.
My husband is all wrapped up in the wedding pictures. He said I better not ruin them. What? Because you enjoy looking at the promises you broke? Come on...really? Doesn't it make YOU upset to look at what you through away. A love so kind, pure and innocent. That's all over now. It's tainted love...it has so many holes...that I sometimes wonder how it will ever stay afloat.
How do you all feel about your wedding pictures? DITCH EM or KEEP EM?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I'm in an Infidelity Rage...RIGHT NOW!
I just told my husband that I was sorry that I ever married him and I was definitely sorry that I came back to him. No, before you think he cheated on me again, he didn't.
I read an article in the latest issue of Redbook about a man who missed his wife because his wife was so busy with the kids. The author said that he felt ignored and that he felt like life was going to be like that forever. Until one day when him and his wife had some alone time and she did something special for him (as simple has just fixing his coffee and buttering his english muffin). Then he realized that even though he wasn't first right now, he came very close behind, and that someday their kids would grow up and they would again be together and be each main focus.
This author sounds like my husband...except this guy came to this conclusion BEFORE he had an affair. My husband refuses to believe that he had an affair because he felt he was second best. He'll say he feels second best to the kids all day long but that being the reason for the affair he will never admit. Instead, he likes to say that he went crazy...as in mentally ill crazy. Honestly, even though my intellectual self kind of believes it... deep down...I don't buy it. I believe he has been craving the attention that the slut gave him and he just fell right into it because as selfish as he is...he didn't care who gave him the attention... as long as he was getting it.
You know what annoys me even more and sends me into a rage. Most of the marriages I hear this happening in, have another complaint that you will never hear from my husband's mouth...that there was a lack of sex. That's probably the first thing people come up with when they wonder, "I wonder what pushed him over the edge"...Yes, it must be that his wife wasn't putting out. HAHAHAHAHAHA....yeah okay. Hardly. People complain about going a week or a month without sex? Not in my husband's vocabulary. The longest we would go without is a couple of days...maybe three days in extraordinary cases. So yeah, what a damn jerk. You could had it so much worse...
I just don't deserve a husband who cheated on me. I feel like I made the biggest mistake in my life when I married him. I wish someone would have told me that when you marry someone, you may actually assume responsibility when he does something wrong. My whole life I've done things that I wouldn't be ashamed of. If I made a decision, I decided carefully because I know my decision reflect me as a person. Well, now I am ashamed and I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
Look, I'm sorry I wasn't all over you every second of the day. Or I wasn't calling you constantly while you were at work. Or that I didn't make you dinner every night...oh wait I did that....or do all of your laundry...oh wait I did that....or stay up at night unable to sleep worrying about your heartache over your grandfather dying...oh wait I did that....oh sorry I didn't sit down at the kitchen table and ask you how your day was...oh wait I did that....or watch wrestling with you just to spend time with you...oh wait I did do that. You know... it's bull that he cheated on me. He really doesn't deserve me...he really doesn't.
I'm getting tired now from the emotional outburst...so I am going to try to sleep. I told him that I don't want to see him until next week when he gets home from being on the boat all week (he leaves tomorrow). I told him not to call me....he of course said that he will call because he has a right to talk to the kids ----OH OKAY. Because when you usually call you ask to speak to the kids.....NOOOOOOO - even after I told him our daughter said that she wished he would ask to talk to her. UUUUGGGGHHHH....SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH...
Bed. Now.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I Should Have Never Married
Sometimes I wish I never married. Don't get me wrong...I love my kids...more than anything in the whole world. I just wish I had them without the marriage part. Seriously, there are days like today that I just think marriage is just too much work. Too much work without enough happiness to balance it out. Of course, I am a wife of a cheater. So yeah, that has a ton to do with the happiness factor. I've worked so hard for 7 years to make my husband happy and what do I receive in return...a big affair. WHOOHOO!!!! I feel so lucky...
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Contacting the Mistress - Is it Appropriate?
I received an email from a reader the other day that made me think about whether or not it's appropriate to contact the mistress. In my opinion, nah....
Even though I think my husband's mistress is a dumb, immature, slutty bitch... I don't really need to concern myself with her. It was my husband's responsibility to stay away from her and it was his fault that the affair happened. She didn't tie him up and rape him. He willingly had relations with her and had a relationship with her.
I think some people have an issue blaming themselves and the people who really should be put at blame. They have an easier time looking outside of themselves and the reality of where the problem lies. Like I said, it's not like I don't blame my husband's mistress at all, I just don't think she deserves any of my time. I don't need to discipline her. I need to discipline my husband and look at our relationship for reasons why it happened.
What do you think about contacting the mistress?
Friday, February 4, 2011
I Am Green with Jealousy About the Affair
That's right. I am jealous. I want to experience the excitement of doing something so wrong. If you haven't had an affair, can you imagine how much passion was in the sex because it was just so wrong. Dang. Whatever, I want that. Sure, sex with my husband is fine because we love each other. But I bet the sex he had with her was spectacular. Not only that, because it was so new, it was great just because of that.
I want that. I am so jealous that my husband had that and I can't. Sure, I could go out and have an affair. Would I? Absolutely not. I would never disrespect my children that way. Come on, what kind of mother would I be to cheat on my husband. Yeah, exactly. My selfish husband never thought about that. It's also funny how I didn't say that I would never disrespect my husband that way. How could I care about disrespecting him after how disrespectful he was to me. He would deserve me to cheat on him, however, my kids do not deserve that.
I am an example to my children. I am an example of how they should live life. Now, what kind of example would I be if I went off with another man who wasn't their father? It disgusts me.
If I were selfish, like many cheaters, I wouldn't even think about it and fulfill my desire of having the same type of relationship he had with his mistress. However, I care too much about other people to hurt them as much as my husband has hurt me. I wish everyone would think about others before thinking of only themselves...there may not be so many cheaters in the world.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Infidelity Rage Has Turned to Infidelity Sadness
I've been having a time lately. It seems as though I have lost my rage. However, now, it's more like sadness. But it's not like I am just sad, I am done right depressed over it. The realization that my husband cheated on me makes me feel so low. You would have thought that I would have already realized the sadness in my husband's infidelity but I think the rage was just more powerful and pushed the sadness aside so it could show it's ugly head. Now the rage is exhausted and the sadness has finally been able to peak through.
I've had some trouble sleeping next to my husband at night. It's not something I've decided not to do, it's just that when I sleep next to him, I spend most of the night thinking of the affair. However, when he is away on the boat or I move to the couch, my thoughts ease and I am able to drift off to sleep. I sleep rather well too. However, if I happen to fall asleep next to him, I have nightmares or wake up several times a night. It's as though his aura infiltrates my being and I just am not at peace. I am not sure what has changed but this is something new.
The other night, my husband confronted me about it because it hurts him that I keep sleeping on the couch. Okay, buddy, THAT hurts you? Try being a victim of infidelity. But anyway, I crashed and told him. Then I proceeded to sob harder than I have ever sobbed before. Oh I was such a mess. Dang, how different than what I have been like about the affair. Usually, I am so rageful that I could burn the house done...now, I just melt into the floor in devastation.
I guess it's another part of the process of infidelity recovery. It's so weird to see myself progressing through different stages and not even trying. I just hope that I come out of this without permanent damage mentally or emotionally...


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Zoe Desk
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- Overview
With its unadorned simplicity, our desk is a true art deco design. Mirrored panels, tapered legs and a sleek work surface give it an inherent sense of glamour, while four side drawers and one center drawer offer plenty of space for all the essentials.
- Desk: 49" wide x 23" deep x 30" high
- Mirror Hutch: 38.25" wide x 30" high x 1" thick
- Crafted with a kiln-dried wood frame overlaid with mirrors.
- Hutch side panels can be adjusted up to 90 degrees.
- Assembly required.
- Dimensions + Care
- Overall: 49" wide x 23" deep x 30" high
- Middle Drawer Interior: 18.5" wide x 15" deep x 2.25" high
- Side Drawer Interior (2 per side): 9.5" wide x 15" deep x 2.25" high
- Distance Drawers Extend: 10.5"
- Clearance Under Middle Drawer: 21.75"
- Distance Between Legs: 43.5" side to side; 18.25" front to back
- Weight: 118 pounds
- Overall: 38.25" wide x 30" high x 1" thick
- Weight: 40.5 pounds
- Dust with a soft, dry cloth.
- To protect the finish, do not apply abrasives or household cleaners.
- Shipping & Returns
This item is delivered by our Premium In-Home Delivery Service. With In-Home delivery, the item is brought into your home, unpacked, and assembled (except for some headboards and Style-It Desk components, which are not unpacked or assembled. Our service also does not mount hutches and shelves to customer's walls.) Delivery is by appointment. Monday-Friday, in all areas; Saturday delivery in some areas. Our delivery service will contact you to arrange a day. This service is available in the contiguous 48 states only. Please allow approximately 2-3 weeks for delivery. Returns of mattresses are subject to a $40 return shipping fee.


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Developers: Private Sector Key to Electric Works' FuturePosted: Updated:
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0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
that's not flischwhere is his hat?
Sam is basically right, he's just cranky.
I have never read a book that you have posted the topic. But I have heard too that the book is a rather dangerous. The mention or persuade a person to fall in the wrong teachings or doctrines of Arts and fairly unreasonable.
I'd love to participate, but international shipping is prohibitively expensive for me at the moment.Can't I just send a stack of those little Dutch flags to Celdur?
i will come over to your house and stab you to death with them
Lamest photo booth ever.
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Privacy Policy
Thank you for visiting the www.farmzillaconnect.com website. Farmzilla Connect is a division of FBC Communications Limited Partnership, acting through its general partner 6349099 Canada Ltd. ("FBC Communications", "we", "us" or "our"). This Privacy Policy ("Policy") describes the personal information that we collect from or about you when you use our website, web-based services, products and mobile applications, how we use that information, and to whom we disclose it. "Personal information" means any data that identifies a user as an individual or is capable of doing so, and does not include general, statistical or aggregated information. Examples of personal information that we may collect, use and disclose include your contact information, your billing information, and other information that you may provide to us in conjunction with your use of our website and services. Please note that this Policy does not apply to personal information that we collect, use or disclose for journalistic purposes.
Please read this Policy carefully. If you do not agree with this Policy, you should not access or use our website or application. This Policy should be read in conjunction with the www.farmzillaconnect.com website Terms of Use, into which it is incorporated by reference.
This Policy was last updated on May 8, 2014. We reserve the right to revise this Policy at any time and, as such, you should review its terms each time that you use www.farmzillaconnect.com. Any changes to this Policy will be promptly communicated on this page, but will not go into effect until at least five (5) days after they are posted.
Accountability and Openness / Compliance
FBC Communications is responsible for personal information under our control. We have established policies and procedures to effectively safeguard any confidential personal information that we have on file or which we collect, and to deal with complaints and inquiries. We only collect personally identifiable data when it is voluntarily submitted by you through the use of our websites and applications, and are committed to maintaining the accuracy, confidentiality and security of your personal information. We will ensure that you have access to information regarding the policies and procedures that we use to manage your personal information.
FBC Communications has designated a privacy officer ("Privacy Officer") who is accountable for our compliance with this Policy, and for ensuring that information about our policies and practices relating to the management of personal information is easily accessible. All questions or concerns regarding this Policy and our compliance with it should be directed to the Privacy Officer in writing, and sent by email to [email protected] or by post to:
Privacy Officer
FBC Communications Limited Partnership
P.O. Box 9800, Station Main
Winnipeg, Manitoba
Every complaint or challenge regarding our compliance with this Policy will be investigated, and where a deficiency is found to exist, we will take appropriate measures to address it. This may include amending our policies and procedures as necessary. We will also cooperate with regulatory authorities to resolve any complaints that cannot be resolved between us and an individual user. Users may contact the Office of the Privacy Commissioner of Canada at 30 Victoria Street, Gatineau, Quebec K1A 1H3 or www.priv.gc.ca/complaint-plainte/pipeda_e.asp.
By submitting your personal information, registering with us, or using our applications or websites, you signify your agreement to the terms and conditions of this Policy and to our use of your personal information. You may change or withdraw your consent to the collection, use and/or disclosure of your personal information at any time by contacting the Privacy Officer in writing at either of the address listed above. In some circumstances, a change or withdrawal of consent may affect your ability to use an application and/or our ability to provide you with information, products or services.
Collection and Retention of Information
We collect personal information only to the extent that it is necessary for the purposes set out below (see: Purpose – Why We Collect, Use and Disclose Information). In most cases, we will collect personal information directly from you when you interact with us with respect to our websites, applications, or any other product or service that we offer. For example, we may request personal information when it is needed to provide certain services, such as granting access to a website reserved for paid subscribers, to enable you to purchase products and services, or to allow you to enter a contest or to take advantage of an online promotion. Occasionally, we may collect personal information from a third party based on your consent or as otherwise permitted by law. Personal information is always collected using means that are fair and lawful.
Personal information that is collected may include, but is not limited to, your contact information (such as name, address, email address, billing and shipping information, email address and telephone number) and, where applicable, credit card or other payment information. Subject to any legal or accounting requirements, we will retain personal information only as long as necessary to fulfill the purposes for which it was collected. Personal information that is no longer required will be destroyed, erased or made anonymous, although copies of deleted information may continue to exist on back-up media.
Users may visit our website without telling us who they are, or revealing any information about themselves. However, like many organizations' websites, our web server automatically logs certain non-identifying information related to a user's visit to the website, including the Internet Protocol (IP) address of the user's computer, the user's Internet service provider (ISP), the type and version of the browser that the user is using, the date and time the user accessed our website, the Internet address of the website from which the user linked directly to our site, the operating system that the user is using, and the pages of the website that the user has visited. We make no attempt to link this information with the identity of individuals visiting our website without express permission. We may, however, review server logs and anonymous traffic for system administration and security purposes, for example to detect intrusions into our network, for planning and improving web services, and to monitor and compile statistics about website usage. The possibility therefore exists that server log data, which contains users' IP addresses, could in instances of criminal malfeasance be used to trace and identify individuals. In such instances, we may share raw data logs with the appropriate authorities for the purpose of investigating security breaches.
If you provide comments or other feedback to us, you agree that such comments or other feedback become the property of FBC Communications, and we may use and disclose them for any purpose provided that we do not associate them with your personally identifiable information.
Cookies and Web Beacons
A "cookie" is a small piece of information stored on your computer by a web page. It is used to identify you to the web server. It tells the server who you are when you return to a page on the same website. Your browser will only send a cookie back to the domain that originally sent it to you. A cookie cannot run any programs, deliver any viruses, or send back information about your system.
We may use cookies to determine your access privileges on our websites, to complete and support a current activity, and to track website usage.
Most web browsers automatically accept cookies, but if you do not wish to have cookies on your system, you should adjust your browser settings to decline them or to alert you when cookies are being sent. If you decline cookies, you will still be able to use the website or application, but your ability to access certain features and functions may be affected.
Some of our web pages contain an invisible electronic image known as a "web beacon." Web beacons are similar in function to cookies, but allow websites on different domains to share information. We may use web beacons to transfer your subscription access information between our websites and domains. Web beacons do not transmit any personal information that we collect to any websites that are not owned by FBC Communications or its affiliates.
Purpose – Why We Collect, Use and Disclose Information
We will identify the purposes for which we collect personal information before or when we request the information. We will not collect personal information which is not necessary and, except as specified below, will not use or disclose personal information for any purpose other than the purpose(s) for which it was collected without first obtaining your consent. The information that we collect is used and disclosed only for business purposes. These include:
• to enable you to register to access restricted areas of our websites and/or to subscribe to our applications and services, and to communicate with you regarding their use ;
• to establish, maintain and manage business relations with you so that we may provide you with the information, products and/or services that you request;
• to provide you with personalized Content, and to maximize our ability to provide you with information that is useful and relevant to your operation;
• to process, track and complete online transactions, and to deliver items purchased on-line;
• market research;
• to obtain feedback regarding our websites and applications, and any products and services offered through our websites;
• to verify that any information submitted by you is accurate and complete;
• to communicate with you and to create a record of your involvement with us;
• to track your interests and preferences in order to customize and enhance your use of the Services;
• to send you complimentary issues of our printed publications, and to advise you about contests, promotions and other special offers;
• to conduct polls and surveys;
• to provide you with information and promotional materials regarding FBC Communications and its affiliates, and our products and services;
• to provide you with advertisements, solicitations and information regarding third party products and services that may be of interest to you;
• internal business purposes, such as administering or improving our websites and applications;
• to protect us against error, fraud, theft or damage to our goods, our business or our property;
• to comply with any legal, accounting and regulatory requirements, including reporting requirements, applicable laws, and any search warrants, subpoenas or court orders;
• any other reasonable purpose for which you provide consent.
We may collect, use or disclose your personal information without your knowledge or consent where we are permitted or required to do so by applicable law, government request or court order, or based on our good faith belief that it is necessary to do so in order to comply with such law, request or court order, or to protect our assets, the users of our websites or applications, or the public.
Disclosure to Third Parties
FBC Communications may share your information with its affiliates, who may use it only in accordance with this Policy. Your personally identifiable information is never sold, and will not be shared with third parties unless we provide you with both prior notice and choice.
You acknowledge that, in the course of our supply of products and services to you, we may delegate our authority to collect, access, use, and disseminate your information to third party subcontractors. Third party subcontractors may include web hosts, payment processors, and delivery and logistics providers, social network integrators, and membership vendors. If we transfer any personal information to a third party subcontractor, we will provide the subcontractors only with the information needed to perform the subcontracted service, and will use appropriate contractual or other means to provide a comparable level of protection while the information is being used by them. However, you agree not to hold us liable for the actions of any third party subcontractor, even if we would normally be held vicariously liable for their actions, and understand that you must take legal action against them directly should they commit any tort or other actionable wrong against you.
In some cases, your subscription to our products or services may be owned by your employer or another person who has purchased it on your behalf. By registering to use a subscription which has been paid for by another person, you acknowledge and agree that we may share information about the usage of the subscription with the party who paid for it.
Safeguards – How Information is Protected
We have implemented reasonable physical, organizational, contractual and technological security measures to protect personal information in our possession or under our control from loss or theft, and from unauthorized access, disclosure, copying, use or modification, regardless of the format in which the information is held. The safeguards applied will depend on the sensitivity of the personal information, with the highest level of protection given to the most sensitive personal information. We use user IDs, passwords, and encryption technology, maintain our servers and paper files in locked premises, and restrict the employees and contractors who have access to personal information to those having a "need to know" and who are bound by confidentiality obligations, in order to ensure that information is handled and stored in a confidential and secure manner. Any credit card information that you submit will not be stored on our servers, but rather will be sent to a PCI Level 1-compliant payment processor for storage. When destroying personal information, we delete electronically stored personal information and shred any tangible materials containing personal information. While we will endeavour to destroy all copies of personal information, you acknowledge that deleted information may continue to exist on back-up media but will not be used unless permitted by law.
We will continually review and update our security policies and controls as technology evolves. However, no security technology can be guaranteed to be failsafe. Using the Internet or other public means of communication to collect and process personal data may involve the transmission of data on an international basis and across networks not owned and/or operated by us. Therefore, by downloading and using the Services and/or communicating electronically with us, you acknowledge and agree to our processing of personal information in this way and agree that we are not responsible for any personal information which is lost, or which is altered, intercepted or stored by a third party without authorization.
Accuracy / Access
FBC Communications has a responsibility to ensure that all personal information contained in our records or which is disclosed to third parties for the purposes described above is accurate, complete and up-to-date. You may make a request in writing for access to your personal information. We will inform you of your personal information held by us, and provide an account of the use that has been made of the information, as well as identify any third parties to whom the information has been disclosed. You may have reasonable access to your personal information, and if you demonstrate the inaccuracy or incompleteness of personal information, the information will be amended as appropriate. You should advise us immediately if you discover inaccuracies in our data, if your personal information changes, or if you wish to have your information removed from our files. All notices and requests should be in writing and sent to the Privacy Officer at the one of the addresses set out above (see: Accountability and Openness / Compliance).
International Transfer and Storage of Information
You acknowledge and agree that your personal information may be transmitted, transferred, processed, and/or stored outside of Canada, including in the United States. We will use reasonable means to ensure that your information is protected, but cannot guarantee that the laws of any foreign jurisdiction will accord the same degree of protection as the laws of Canada. By submitting your personal information to us, you consent to the transmission, transfer, processing and/or storage of your personal information outside of Canada.
Third Party Content and Links to other Websites
Our websites may contain optional links to advertiser and other third party Internet sites and services. You acknowledge that these third parties may collect data from users or their computers. The accessing and use of third party websites is at your own risk, and we cannot assume responsibility for the privacy practices, policies or actions of the third parties who operate those websites. This Policy applies only to FBC Communications websites and applications, and we encourage you to review the privacy policies contained on each Internet site and in each application that you use.
Minors may not use the website or any application unsupervised, and we request that minors do not submit any personal information to us. If you are under the age of majority in your jurisdiction, you may only use the application or website in conjunction with and under the supervision of an adult. FBC Communications does not knowingly collect personal information from minors.
Governing Law
You agree that your access to and use of the FBC Communications websites and applications, including this Policy, is governed exclusively by the laws of the Province of Manitoba and the federal laws of Canada applicable therein (excluding conflicts or choice of laws principles).