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Dear Alice,
I have two friends who I think are drinking too much. I don't know what to do. They are very defensive should anyone say anything to them about their excessive habit, and a lot of our friends are giving up on them. This has become a daily thing and their schoolwork and friendships are all suffering. They are both 21; one recently broke up with his girlfriend of several years and the other has been single for a while and he hates it. I know that has a lot to do with it. Please suggest some non-intrusive ways to help them. I'm really at a loss.
Thank you,
A concerned friend
Dear A concerned friend,
It sounds like you really care about your friends and that you have their best interests at heart. It's not unusual for people to get defensive when friends approach them about excessive drinking, but it can feel less daunting if you come prepared. There are a number of different techniques that can be helpful. First, you may want to think about what's comfortable for you, how well you know your friends, and what you know has (or hasn't) been successful in the past. Here are a few ideas to consider:
As you prepare for the conversation:
- Approach each of your friends separately. Although it might seem like their situations are similar, they may appreciate being treated as unique individuals.
- Arrange to talk in a quiet, private environment when they are sober. Scouting out a time and location that affords some privacy may help you and your friends to feel less self-conscious. That way, you can get down to the heart of the matter. No one likes to have these things pointed out to them in front of others. It's also a good idea to consider whether this is a time or place in which your friend(s) would be less inclined to drink.
- Research resources. Find out if the counseling service at your school has drop-in hours or a substance abuse prevention specialist. You might also investigate whether there are any support groups on or near your campus. These services may be helpful to your friends, and they might offer help as you prepare for your conversation. You might also consider practicing your conversation with a counselor, supportive friend, or family member ahead of time.
Tips on having a discussion:
- Be specific. Tell your friends what you've noticed about their behavior and what concerns you — also try using "I" statements. For example, you could say, "I've noticed that lately you've been drinking a lot. I'm worried because it seems like it's having an effect on your schoolwork."
- Identify their behavior, rather than criticizing their character. Say, "Your drinking seems to be getting in the way of our friendship," rather than, "You're a drunk and a real loser." They may not realize their behavior has an impact on others. Tell your friends how their excessive drinking has made you feel, how it's affecting your day-to-day life and your friendship — "I don't feel comfortable with the way you've been drinking lately. I find it hard to spend time with you because when you're drunk, you act like a different person."
- Explore some of the underlying causes for their drinking. People sometimes turn to substances when faced with extra stress, heartache, or fear. Your friends may need to find other ways of coping. Talking with you about their worries may be a first step. You could start the conversation with, "Hey, I know you've been under a lot of stress lately. What's going on?" or, "How have you been feeling since you and _________ broke up?"
- Challenge your friends to think about their behavior. They may be drinking out of habit. Or, maybe they're so overwhelmed with their troubles that they don't know what else to do. They may not have thought about why they are drinking so much until you ask.
- Present options. Your friends might not be ready to talk right away. But, if you've opened up the door, they might be more likely to look to you when they are ready to talk. You can offer specific assistance, or simply make an open-ended offer:
- "I would be happy to go with you to a counselor. We could even call together now to make an appointment."
- "Well, just know that I'm thinking of you. If you need anything, let me know, okay?"
- "I've heard that there's an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting right here on campus. Maybe you could go check it out — and I could come if that would be helpful."
- "There's this really cool web site that has loads of information about ways to drink in a healthy way. Feel free to check it out on my computer."
You can be supportive and offer suggestions, but they have to be motivated from within, too. Remember; be sensitive to your own needs. You may want to set limits as to how much time and energy you are going to put into trying to help your friends. This may prevent you from becoming tired, resentful, or overwhelmed (you will also be modeling some healthy self-care behavior).
For some more information, check out the related Q&As.
Best of luck,Alice!


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2016 Nigerian Navy Recruitment Exercise
Basic Qualifications
Applicants must:
- Possess a minimum of 5 credits in not more than 2 sittings in WASSCE/GCE/NECO/NABTEB (English and Mathematics inclusive).
- Be between the ages of 18 - 22 years while 24 - 26 years are the acceptable limit for those with OND, NCE, Nurses and Motor Transport Department (MTD) respectively. Candidates with higher qualifications than those specified in the guidelines should not apply.
- Applicants must be single and of Nigerian origin by birth.
- Required height of 1.70 metres for Male and 1.67 metres for Female.
- Check for full detailed instruction at www.navy.mil.ng
- The recruitment exercise will commence with an aptitude test and screening of certificates of candidates at designated centres for various states nationwide from 9 April 2016. You are advised to carefully read the instructions on the website or call the following support lines from 9am to 4pm on working days: 08124511398 and 08159999011.
- Candidates are advised in their own interest not to give any form of gratification or inducement to any person or group of persons to assist them on the recruitment exercise.
- Candidates are advised in their own interest not to submit multiple online applications. Any candidates with multiple submissions will be disqualified.
2nd April, 2016.
Method of Application
Interested and qualified candidates should:
Click Here To Start Application
NOTE: Interested members of the public are requested to note the following information on method of application. Applications are free of charge. Applicants are to apply only once. Multiple online applications will be disqualified.
- Step 1: Click on the Register button to create an account on this portal by providing a valid Email Address (which will be used as your User Name) and Password. Note: You will need your Email Address (User Name) and Password to log in next time.
- Step 2: Complete the Ratings Application form. Make sure you review your data carefully before submitting. You may log in at anytime before application closes to make changes after submission.
- Step 3: Download and print a copy of your completed Application form which must include the following parts:
- Applicant's Declaration and Certification by Parent/Guardian form.
- Local Government Area Certification Form.
- Police Certification Form.
- Guarantor Form.

subset: commoncrawl


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Friday, August 15, 2008
Quinn in Maryland
But all of that comes later.
I had some expectations for my third birth. It would be early. It would be fast. And then I would painlessly relax in the hospital for two days. None of this happened.
I mean, Quinn was early, but just not early enough. (He was also fast, but not as fast as I'd hoped.) He had some health issues that turned out to be nothing, but the doctors had considered inducing me early. So I had my hopes up for an 8-month pregnancy.
Fortunately, they didn't have to induce me, but that meant that I had to wait until I went into labor. If Alex and my mom thought I was surly the last time I was waiting to give birth, they were probably surprised to see the heights to which my surliness could rise.
Every morning when I came downstairs, my mom (who was nice enough to stay with us for a month to make sure she was there to take care of Sam and Jack when I went into labor) would ask, "Anything?"
Every morning I wanted to kill her.
In retrospect, I feel kinda bad about that. She was pretty heroic to put up with me as long as she did. Especially considering the surly.
I started having contractions at 7 a.m. one morning, three days before my due date. They became regular by 9, and by 10 a.m. Alex and I were on our way to the hospital.
After we checked in in the lobby, we got lost trying to find the labor and delivery department. We stood by an out of order elevator, me having strong contractions every three minutes, reading a sign that told us to use some other elevator, but that didn't give directions to the other elevator.
We stopped someone dressed in scrubs to ask them how to get there. She totally shrugged us off, which I thought was kind of uncool. Because, really, if you're only going to answer one question from a stranger in your life, it should probably be the one asked by the obviously super pregnant, sweaty lady asking for directions to the labor and delivery department.
We finally found the place—on our own, thank you very much— and were assigned to a room that was larger than my living room and kitchen combined. We had decided against a doula this time because we figured we knew the drill. And we did. But by now the drill totally sucked rocks.
The doctor came to check on me at noon. I expected her to tell me that I would have a baby any minute. She told me she would come back to check on me in an hour. That totally bummed me out. I didn't want to have contractions for another hour. Or maybe more.
So I asked for an epidural, and the nurses got really excited for me. I'm not sure what the anesthesiologist did the first time, but he gave me a mild dose because he expected me to give birth soon. I didn't.
But I did have almost immediate relief. I finally noticed that my nurse had a crazy strong Boston accent and that she herself was substantially pregnant. She told us later (after Quinn was born) that this was the first birth she had been in charge of all by herself. I think because it was her first, we were her only patients that day. She stayed in our room almost the whole time we were there. She was nice. I liked her.
Before too long, though, my contractions started getting stronger again and the anesthesiologist had to come back and up my dose. I immediately went numb from the waist down. And then the nurse needed me to turn onto my side so Quinn could get more oxygen. And I couldn't move. Alex and this poor pregnant nurse had to heave my giant, pregnant body onto its side. It was extremely funny, but also terribly humiliating. (But more funny.)
Quinn was having trouble getting enough oxygen, so they gave me a mask and were carefully monitoring him. I was aware that the nurse and Alex were concerned because of the extreme care they were taking to remain expressionless while they watched the monitors that were just out of my sight.
I remember the doctor coming in at some point saying that the baby had to come out now. She was concerned that my epidural would make it so that I couldn't push. She was ready to pull out a vacuum to get the little guy out.
Fortunately I was given the exact right amount of epidural and was able to push without feeling any pain. (And the numbness went away almost immediately after birth. I could walk within minutes.)
Shortly thereafter, at 2:26 p.m., we had Quinn. The cord was wrapped around his neck, so they took him to the other side of the room to take care of him before I could see him. There was all kinds of murmuring about his intense blond hair and his size. When I finally saw him, I understood. His hair was white. When they weighed him and told me he was almost ten pounds, I actually said, "You're joking."
Even though I'd wanted to name a child Quinn since before I'd met Alex, I was a little nervous about actually using the name. But when I saw my little blond, blue-eyed baby, I knew it was right.
For my first two births, I made Alex stay overnights and sleep on the tiny, uncomfortable chairs they have for partners in the recovery rooms. This time, I not only didn't insist that Alex sleep at the hospital, I encouraged him to go home so I wouldn't have to throw things at him to stop him from snoring when I was up in the middle of the night taking care of the new little guy.
The only hitch with this birth (other than the oxygen and the cord thing) was that the day after I gave birth, I got a terrible headache. I was fine when I was lying down, but I absolutely could not sit up or stand for more than a couple of minutes.
This was apparently caused by my epidural. To treat this they did a blood patch, which was apparently interesting enough that three interns came to watch. What they did was draw blood from my arm and then insert it into my epidural spot. Kinda freaky.
It was worth it though. Because this time, I got this:
...and this:
Plus this:
There they are: my little family.
20 comments:
I've enjoyed your birth stories. Beautiful stories about beautiful boys!ReplyDelete
Loved ALL of the stories. Your little family is beautiful.ReplyDelete
What wonderful birth stories, thank you for sharing them!ReplyDelete
Btw, I think you kick a$$ http://bit.ly/4cTLQw!
Very nice series. And thank you for not getting too gross and graphic! I missed out on all that with Nik; he was so tiny and was an emergency c-section at 27 wks. Vaginal birth terrifies me! (moot, since I'm done!)ReplyDelete
Thanks so much for sharing your stories. I love that your boys all looked really different as infants, yet looking at them now there's no mistake that they're brothers. So sweet.ReplyDelete
Sorry you got that nasty epidural headache. I had an induction and eventually an epidural that made me sick. While in labor I'd doze slightly and wake up vomiting (this continued 12hrs past delivery). I think I'd much rather be sick though than get an intense headache.
What gorgeous little guys! Yes, they forget to tell you about the doula's advocacy role. She's there to keep that epi out of the picture, and keep someone in the room saying "it won't be much longer!" I think the epi slows something down so the baby gets less oxygen. :P (But I'm not a medical professional. I just noticed everyone I know who had one- including me- ended up with babies monitored for oxygen.)ReplyDelete
wow! He has a spark. Very cute. Moosie was the same size (though you'd never guess it now!), right before the OB tied my tubes she asked "Are you sure you don't want to try for an 11 pounder?" Um, no thanks. This just shy of 5 foot woman is DONE! My body can't handle the big boys it wants to grow!ReplyDelete
this is so beautiful, so is your familyReplyDelete
I love birth stories, and I love that you shared them! Beautiful family. My second was 9lbs 1 oz and people were amazed that i pushed once and not even a stich, now she is so tiny shes inthe tenth percentile! youd never know she was huge.ReplyDelete
Oh my gosh, I feel like a chump for whining about an 8 pound 1 ouncer, you are now my hero, You're kiddos are awesome!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousAugust 15, 2008 at 9:39 PM
The right amount of epidural. That shouldn't even be a question!ReplyDelete
You do have three wonderful boys, though. Worth it, every one.
What beautiful children you have. :)ReplyDelete
Beautiful stories, beautiful babies - turned out to be a beautiful family!ReplyDelete
Funny too, but mostly beautiful! :)
- AnonymousAugust 16, 2008 at 9:12 AM
Hey I had the same pregnant boston nurse when I gave birth to baby C! We chatted with my 36 week pregnant sister while I laid naked on the hospital bed and got a catheter!ReplyDelete
What a great story and such beautiful boys! I was born in silver spring too (poss. the same hospital? and am now wondering if we might have talked about this at BlogHer.) Anyway, beautiful pics and a beautiful family!ReplyDelete
Awesome stories. Thanks for writing them all down.ReplyDelete
My daughter came out at 9 lbs. 1 oz. after many hours of active labor and over two hours of pushing in a HOME BIRTH so there was oodles of epidural-free surliness here, let me tell you.ReplyDelete
But it's definitely all worth it in the end. Congrats on your lovely family.
And what a beautiful family it is!ReplyDelete
Just had a few minutes to jump on and stumbled upon Quinn's birth story. Which I love for two reasons: 1) it reminds me of my second son's birth story (also a little traumatic) and 2) we just had our third son, whom we named Joshua Quinn. I am in love with the name Quinn, but my husband was a little nervous about using the name so we compromised by using it as a middle name. The whole ridiculous story is posted on my blog...ReplyDelete
But anyway, I really enjoyed your post and will be sneaking back to read the other boys' birth stories later...
I had a spinal headache too. THAT blew.ReplyDelete


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Welcome to BOBscaping!
While the initial installation of decorative stone is considerably more tedious and expensive, it can pay dividends in the long run. Bob shares his photos here of the more commonly used decorative landscape stone like river rock, shore gravel and lava rock.
Most stone and gravel is graded with numbers related to its size. For example, #2 is likely two-inches in diameter and #3 is three-inches in diameter. Some of the photos below have a 12-ounce can of soda or a Quarter to help show stone sizes.
While Bob doesn't recommend using landscape fabric (or black plastic) under wood mulches, he does recommend using landscape fabric under stone mulches. It is also advisable to use tarps when trimming shrubs that are growing in decorative rock landscape beds to ease clean-up and keep decorative gravel clean. VIDEO: How to use tarps when trimming a shrub
Shore stone is a lighter color and costs more than more commonly used river rock, which is usually brown in color.
Shore stone
#2 to 4 Shore Stone along a brick wall. Rigid landscape edging could be added to contain the stone, create a more mowable /trimmable straight edge, and stop inward-growing lawn grasses. Purchase landscape edging
River rock is typically used in landscape beds where a brown color and more permanent cover than wood mulch is desired. Using mixed sizes helps fill-in the gaps between larger stones.
To move landscaping materials, buy a good quality wheelbarrow with a pneumatic tire, strong wooden handles and 4 to 6 cubic foot capacity. Maintain the correct tire pressure, oil the axle occasionally and store it out of the weather.
Take partial loads when moving heavier materials like stone and soil.
Load most of the weight toward the front of the wheelbarrow to balance the load and keep weight off the handles (it's one thing to push a heavy load, another to have to lift it too).
Weight in front
Soil is properly distributed in this wheelbarrow, creating better balance for easier "wheeling." Before starting, inflate tire to recommended pressure (found on the side of the tire) prior to moving heavy loads.
Decorative stone is more expensive than wood mulches, but provides a more permanent cover in landscape beds. Some decorative stone shown below may be difficult to find.
White decorative stone usually makes a bright, bold statement in the landscape, sharply contrasting landscape plantings.
Boulders add a nice accent to landscape plantings, but only use the types of stone resistant to the freeze-thaw cycles of winter weather. Special care should be taken when moving and placing boulders to save on smashed fingers and bad backs.


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Flying between London and Australia is the granddaddy of air travel. Originally it was called the Kangaroo Route, and not just because of where it was headed. This was a journey of hops. It featured seven stopovers and took four days. It also cost alot.
The relative costs may have come down, but even frequent long haulers shudder at the thought of this seemingly endless slog. The trip Down Under is just intimidating. It's a feeling you get when you board the plane: you take in your immediate surroundings and realise that – for the best part of an entire day – this is it. It's a moment of dread – especially if, like most, you're travelling in Economy.
And then there's the stopover. No matter how nice your halfway house – and Singapore, Abu Dhabi and Dubai are among the world's finest airports – it's a miserable thing to have to disembark, reembark and face another marathon leg to your final destination.
Eliminating that stopover has long been a dream for passengers and airlines alike. Technically it has been possible for a while; Boeing's 777-200 LR, or Airbus's A350-500 and A388 could all make the distance, they just didn't make business sense.
But now that dream is being made reality by, appropriately enough, Boeing's extraordinary 787 Dreamliner. The ultra-lightweight composite construction, low maintenance costs and incredible fuel efficiency of this technical marvel make a non-stop journey from London to Perth not only possible, but economically viable.
If the journey no longer challenges the stamina of the aircraft, a 17-hour non-stop flight remains a trial of endurance for the passenger. There are only so many in-flight meals and movies a human being can take, especially if you're one of those unfortunate types who struggle to sleep on planes.
I took this test myself last month for a special edition of CNN Business Traveller. Qantas, which runs this currently unique service, has taken a microscope to every detail of the flight in an attempt to mitigate the effects of a 14,500km journey on the human body.
These efforts begin before one even boards. Qantas lays on pre-flight yoga, in a lounge designed to maximise the amount of sunlight and fresh air that reaches the passengers preparing for their journey. On the plane itself, everything feels slightly different: the lighting, mealtimes and menu have been completely reconfigured – either to promote sleep or wakefulness, depending on the stage of the journey.
In fact, pretty much everything about this plane is out of the ordinary: the crockery, bedlinen, the pillows, all designed to be lighter; the galley carts have gone from a hefty 30 kilos down to a svelte 18; even the wall partitions weigh less than in normal aircraft.
It's all in the name of efficiency, but it also gives the plane a unique feel appropriate to this unique flight. It might sound gimmicky, but a lot of thought has gone into this, and it genuinely shows.
All this aeronautical innovation doesn't just impact the passengers. In the old days of the Kangaroo route, many cities along the way benefited from their stopover status. Places like Rome, Cairo and Mumbai all featured, as did the more contemporary rest and refuel point, Singapore – then very much an exotic outpost. Rome remains a robustly vibrant tourist destination, while Mumbai is the engine of growth in India.
This isn't the end of the story; London to Perth is primarily a test. What Qantas and other carriers really want is the shining jewel on Australia's other coast. Sydney is Australia's money-spinner and business centre. Non-stop flights from Sydney to London, or even Sydney to New York are next on the agenda, clocking in at over 20 hours. They really will be game changers.
The first-part of Richard Quest's journey on the Kangaroo Route airs on CNN Business Traveller on channel 402 at the following times:
Saturday April 28th at 07:30am and 20:30pm, Sunday April 29th at 13:30pm and 23:30pm SAST and Monday April 30th at 10:30am .


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To celebrate their big day over the weekend, a Zhejiang couple decided to travel in style in a wedding convoy made of a Rolls-Royce followed by eight big red trucks.
Somehow, this is not the most environmentally-destructive convoy we've seen this year. Over the summer, one Heilongjiang groom picked up his beautiful bride-to-be with a fleet of 36 of his own brand-new, "environmentally-friendly" trucks.
With more and more dire statistics released about global warming and environmental damage each day, perhaps we can all just agree to go back to old-fashioned wedding convoys made up of ostentatious amounts of luxury vehicles.
Rich man's wedding convoy.
Posted by Shanghaiist on Saturday, November 21, 2015
[Images via China News]


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Where can you see cool young stars, Hollywood legends la Robert Redford and snow? Only at Sundance Film Festival! There's a slew of glamorous film festivals out there but there's only one where you can enjoy film premieres alongside a spot of skiing. Which is how Sundance draws in the hot young talent like Emma Roberts and Elijah Wood, who caused a frenzy at the airport yesterday as they arrived for the premiere of their new film 'Celeste and Jesse'.
James Marsden has also hit the Sundance scene as he gears up for the premiere of his film 'Robot and Frank', in which he co-stars alongside Liv Tyler, and the much anticipated opening of 'Bachelorette'. A film about three friends Regan (Kirsten Dunst), Katie (Isla Fisher) and Jena (Lizzy Caplan) that are asked to be bridesmaids at the wedding of the girl they used to ridicule in high school. After the success of the hilarious 'Bridesmaids' movie, everyone in town, including yours truly, is buzzing in anticipation of 'Bachlorette' premiere on January 23rd, and of course the cast dinner party, hosted by Joico at hotspot the Village.
Yeah, okay, Park City is remote, cold, and snowed under but that's its beauty, and each January for a week it's also the destination of choice for the Hollywood set. And the party was on yesterday with the premiere of the thriller 'Wish You Were Here' co-starring Joel Edgerton, of the upcoming The Great Gatsby, Felicity Price and the beautiful young Aussie actress Teresa Palmer. After the premiere everyone gathered at the Bing Bar Opening Night Cocktail Party, where the Sydney rock band WIM performed live for the crowd.
Tune in tomorrow for news on tonight's 'Celeste and Jesse' and 'Robot and Frank' premieres and the Sundance party scene.


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Teaching from 7:30 pm to 8:30 pm
Open dance from 8:30 pm to 11:00 pm
Lee Otterholt will be joining us that night for a mini-workshop. Come and join us in Sodal Hall!
Additional details found on our Events Page.
Dances taught:
- Ciganskoto - Bulgarian; easy, open circle
- E Vogla - Albania; intermediate, open circle
- Ne Klepeci - Bosnia; easy, open circle
- Semmame - Turkey; intermediate, line


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Fayette County
Hunt, Miller, Wilcox, Crumes graduate from basic military training
The following have graduated from basic military training at Joint Base San Antonio-Lackland, San Antonio, Texas:
▪ U.S. Air Force Airman Colin L. Hunt is the son of Rick L. and Mary B. Hunt of Lexington. He is a 2016 graduate of Lexington Catholic High School.
▪ U.S. Air Force Airman 1st Class Justin S. Miller is the brother of Lisa M. Smith of Richmond, and the son of Steven A. and Jennifer L. Miller of D'iberville, Miss. He is a 2017 graduate of D'iberville High School.
▪ U.S. Air Force Airman 1st Class Corey A. Wilcox is the son of Jeffrey D. and Robin L. Wilcox of Grayson. He is a 2013 graduate of Rose Hill Christian School, Ashland. He earned a bachelor's degree in 2017 from Eastern Kentucky University.
▪ U.S. Army National Guard Pfc. Daykice D. Crumes has graduated from basic infantry training at Fort Jackson, S.C. Crumes is the son of Joy E. Miller of Louisville. He is a 2014 graduate of Western High School, Louisville. He earned a master's degree in 2018 from Eastern Kentucky University.


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Provide a quality Christian Education for children who attend one of their five Lutheran Elementary schools:
- Provide tuition sponsorships for children who could not otherwise attend school.
- Insure and strengthen stable, quality, Christian teaching staffs through consistent funding for salaries and ongoing education.
- Enhance the learning environment of these 5 schools through improvements to curriculum and facilities.
The five schools are located in:
- Dondon
- Saint-Raphaël
- Airport area (pictured above)
- Madeleine
- Grande-Rivière-du-Nord
(Above) Upper classes taking final exams at Madeleine.
(Below) Dondon
We had a wonderful service with the parents, members of the Church and children of the our school at Madeline. Kids from the third grade of preschool and sixth graders have been graduated. Everyone was really happy. It was a way to end the school year 2013-2014.
We thank you and all the saints of Holy Cross for your assistance and pray that our Lord continue to bless you as you are getting more and more involved in His ministry here.
Around September 9, 2013, uniforms were distributed to parents for their children at Madeline, Dondon, Saint-Raphael, and Grande Riviere du Nord for free. A lot of parents and children came. But we did not have enough to give them. I submit pictures of Madeline for your attention.


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|Extradition Sought After Woman Murdered in West Kensington
Man arrested in Warsaw in connection with death of Michelle Creed
Detectives investigating the murder of a woman in the Barons Court area are working with Polish authorities to extradite a man arrested in Warsaw in connection with the offence.
34 year old Michelle Creed was found dead on 5th February at an address in Comeragh Road, West Kensington. Police had been called following concerns for the welfare of a resident and they found the body after forcing entry into the property.
On 9 February, a 36 year-old man was arrested on suspicion of murder in Warsaw, Poland, after attending a police station. Subsequently, a European Arrest Warrant was obtained.
He remains in custody at this time, whilst extradition proceedings to bring him back to the UK are underway.
Officers from the Homicide and Serious Crime Command are investigating.
March 7, 2012


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From Pregnancy to Due Date: 3 Most Important Things To Do To Prepare For Baby
Pregnancy Checklist
It's easy to get caught up in the fun decisions during pregnancy, like decorating the nursery, but there are some serious decisions to be made before the due date that can affect the outcome of delivery and the health of your baby. One difficult part of planning for baby is finding a checklist of decisions that should be made, and then gathering the necessary information to make informed decisions. This article provides three top issues to be aware of and the resources to understand them. Issues such as cord blood storage, hiring a birth doula and researching the NICU level of the birth hospital are all important to understand when preparing for baby.
Copyright © 2018 Melis Ann
Checklist Item # 1: Hospital NICU Level
In early pregnancy, you see your Obstetrician and begin tracking your pregnancy. Before you get settled on an Obstetrician, however, you want to understand which hospital the doctor is associated with.
Hospitals where babies are delivered should have a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) that is qualified to handle complications that arise. There are many different levels of NICUs that define the level of expertise that a hospital is qualified to provide. The NICU level is directly related to infant mortality rate, affecting both premature and full-term babies.
- Research Hospital NICU Level and the Neonatal Nurse
The most important decision to make while pregnant is where you will give birth. Hospitals have NICUs that range in level of expertise that you need to understand before making that decision.
Checklist Item # 2: Birth Doula
During your second trimester, you will want to explore the idea of hiring a birth doula, or personal labor coach, to assist you during labor and delivery.
Studies show that having a doula present during labor helps decrease the duration of labor, rate of c-section, complications, medications and rate of postpartum depression. Doulas receive training and certification and are internationally becoming more popular.
- Hire a Birth Doula During Pregnancy to Have a More Healthy Childbirth Experience
Hiring a birth doula should be on your to-do checklist during pregnancy to plan for childbirth. Having a doula present is an important step whether planning a natural birth or expecting to use epidural anesthesia for pain during labor.
Checklist Item # 3: Stem Cell Banking
By the third trimester, you will want to understand the different kinds of stem cells that can be collected at your baby's birth and the different methods for storing them.
There are many conditions that can be cured using stem cells from umbilical cord blood that make this option an important consideration for the future health of your baby or another child in your family.
- Umbilical Cord Blood Banking: What to Know When Pregnant to Prepare for Baby
Cord blood banking and stem cells are both ever-changing issues. Discover the latest choices, warnings and resources to make an informed decision on banking newborn stem cells.
Disclaimer: Note that this website portrays my opinion. I want to help others consider a new or different view. Any action taken based on these opinions is the responsibility of the reader.
Copyright © 2018 Melis Ann
Original content written by Melis Ann published only on HubPages at the following web address: http://melisann.hubpages.com/hub/From-Pregnancy-to-Due-Date-Most-Important-Things-To-Prepare-For-Baby
Prepare for Baby
Preparing for the birth of your baby is both overwhelming and exciting. It's important to research the details regarding issues such as hospital NICU level, hiring a birth doula, and storing baby's stem cells. Your doctor may bring up the opportunity for stem cell banking, however, you will want to do independent research on this topic to understand all of your options. Birth doulas and hospital NICU levels are not topics that your doctor will initiate with you at your prenatal visit, although your doctor will make a great resource to you on these topics if you ask. Knowing that you've taken care of important decisions that can affect your baby's health, you can relax, enjoy being pregnant, and focus on the fun parts of planning for baby.
Awesome hub. Well I am getting old. There was no such thing as a Doula when I was pregnant with my last child 25 years ago :) We didn't know anything about stem cells then either. I wish I had known about looking into the possibility of NICU care as my baby needed it and had to be transported about 100 miles away to Loma Linda. This is an informative and well written hub.


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Turtleneck Ribbed Sweatshirt
$18.99 - $26.99
- A timeless sweatshirt style with athletically-inspired details and a modern, mock neck for extra warmth. Known as a French Rib, this knit fabric is soft and stretchy, with a subtle ribbed texture.
- Turtleneck. Long sleeves.
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text:
Because one French fry won't make us fat. One slip up won't make us fat. One bad meal or one bad day does not guarantee that we undo everything we are working hard towards.
I love food. I also love living a healthy and active lifestyle. It has taken me years to realize that food is fuel and that when I show my body love, I am feeding it healthy food.
This goes along with my blog post from last Friday You Are Your Only Limit. In that post, I spoke about how we need to reset our mindset into thinking that we need to "diet" and we need to cut cold turkey on the foods we shouldn't be eating. These practices do not work most of the time, and while some people may have succeeded in this practice, I guarantee you it is not the popular way. In order for these new methods to stick, we need to do a lifestyle change.
Making changes slowly but surely in our diet will help us succeed. Start interchanging snacks and the liquids you consume throughout the day.
Our biggest failures are when we come up with this ENORMOUS HUGE plan for ourselves and immediately tell ourselves that we have to be PERFECT. That mindset DOES NOT WORK AND WILL NEVER WORK FOR YOU.
Here is an example of this type of plan that is not fool proof:
*Imagine that it is Friday afternoon and you didn't eat that great this week, drank a lot of calorie filled drinks, and didn't work out at all*
Saying to yourself "Starting MONDAY, I'm going to eat nothing but home cooked meals, meal prep Sunday night. Work out five days next week. Give up pop, give up candy, give up fast food and I'm going to purge all of my snacks from my house"
Monday comes around and you have meals prepped for the entire week, and you are good to go to start your day! You come home from work or start your day with a workout and you do really well! I mean, you can't miss Day 1!
Now imagine day 4 rolls around so it's probably Thursday. Body is sore, don't feel like working out. You are tired. You don't feel like cooking food and just want to go home and be lazy. This ends up being the end to your "plan" because here comes Friday and now here comes the weekend. You of course don't participate in anything healthy on the weekends because you were so good for those three days last week so it's okay to indulge.
And then, the cycle begins again. It's Monday again and you are here to drink all the water and eat all the greens! But the weekend comes around again and your busy life takes hold and you go to all the restaurants!
I'm here to tell you that you need to BREAK THE CYCLE. You can't keep doing that to yourself and your body. It is a vicious cycle that not only takes its toll on your body, but also your mindset. We keep setting ourselves up for failure with these big elaborate – supposed-to-be permanent plans that it just doesn't work out.
If you want to start eating healthier, you need to start slow. You are in this for the long haul (aka the REST OF YOUR LIFE) because hey guess what, we aren't getting younger every year! You need to take care of your body, and the earlier the better.
Here are some KEY tips for lifestyle changes:
*That pop/soda you drink at lunch every day? Switch that out with water and if you can't stand water, get some fruity flavoring packets to mix in with your water (no sugar of course!)
*Plan your week – What do you have going on all week? Do you work shifts or do you work a regular schedule? What about extracurricular activities? What's going on during the weekend? When can you get a workout in?! Plan your workouts and your meals. If you HAVE to go out to eat, what is on the menu that is still delicious but healthy?
*Going out to eat? Skip the apps and skip the booze if you can. I know that for me personally, if it is the weekend and I am going out to eat, I tend to also then go out for drinks after dinner so why do I need to have booze both places? I really don't and I really shouldn't be spending all this extra money. Appetizers are good and all, but again, I will probably get a late night snack if it's a late night. Think ahead before you plan your night out and plan and prepare. Stick to the plan!
*WAKE UP EARLY if you have to. I mean, I'm not going to sit here and tell you to wake up at 5:30 am everyday BUT if that is where the success comes in, you might need to do that. I know that on Fridays, those are the days that tend to be the busiest in the evenings after work. I got used to waking up before work to get my workout in so that no matter what I did Friday night, I felt less guilty.
*Plan for your cravings! OMG who doesn't have cravings? I have one just about everyday and no, I have never been pregnant. Intense cravings for sugar, or chocolate or pop or fast food etc….. I know myself enough that I KNOW I will plan for these cravings. What can I get that has less calories, a little bit healthier and of course satisfy my craving?? This is probably the most important tip I am going to give you! I know I will have days where I want ALL THE CHOCOLATE so we keep one big plain chocolate bar in the house. I have one little piece if I must. If I need a 2nd, I HAVE A SECOND one. But there is no way I need to eat the whole bar, and to be honest I don't really need to eat it. When your body is eating healthy all day, your body tends to crave bad food less IF YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT and not starving yourself. My husband is an AVID Reese's peanut butter cup eater. AVID (as a lot of us are!) Rather than having Reese's on hand everyday, he will eat a spoonful of peanut butter (all natural) and get organic chocolate syrup to sprinkle on. Craving solved!!
*Stop waiting until Monday! Why are we waiting until Monday? Why are we waiting at all? As soon as you think that you want to start eating healthy, do so at your next meal if you can. Sure, you might need to go grocery shopping and whatnot but why do we all have this in our minds of "starting on Monday?!" Start ASAP – start on a Tuesday or a Friday! Stop letting those days get you further and further away from what you truly desire!
As I proclaimed in the title of this post, it is okay to have a French fry! So what do I mean by that? It's okay to have bumps in the road because again, this is a LIFESTYLE change. You can't be perfect forever right? Obviously, I don't mean a literal French fry, but it is important to understand that it is okay to indulge and have one of those things we crave, but only if it comes to the point where we can stop it. It is important to have the mindset that if you have a slip up, or a bad meal that we get right back on track again! Don't wait to finish the week out or the weekend out – just get back on track.
The idea we need to starve ourselves from everything that is bad and unhealthy is just completely absurd. To give up so many things right away that you are used to eating is setting yourself up to fail. I want you to feel empowered in your choices and less guilt in your choices. Oh well if you didn't work out one day or maybe you did but only for a short time, you aren't going to gain all of your weight back in a day. Think about this; how long did it take you to get to the point of where you're at now? It was not overnight – I guarantee that.
So once you make your lifestyle change to being a little bit healthier, remember that if you have these little cravings for bad food, it is more than okay to have one meal to cheat or one snack to cheat. It is a slow process with many ups and downs!
If you think you are wanting to make a lifestyle change, or you are on a health journey and you need a little bit more accountability, I would love for you to join my Facebook group! We celebrate victories, run little challenges and provide you with motivation! Some of us share some yummy recipes too! Join us here! —> Laugh Always Fitness Group I would love to have some new people join!
Thanks for reading!
Until next time,
You Are Your Only Limit
As the summer months approach (especially for us Midwestern people!) we tend to all of a sudden want to look better, lose weight, and show off a bunch of skin in these warmer months.
The ideas and marketing are everywhere! "Drop 10 pounds for summer!" "Bikini season!" "Bikini abs in 30 days!" Why is that mindset in place? Why do we only want to lose weight when it's warm out? Why don't we work on our bodies year round? In my opinion, we should be healthy year round right? Isn't that something called yo-yo dieting?
Most of us scramble around the spring time trying to all of a sudden eat healthier (which may be starving ourselves) and working out like crazy. These sudden changes in behaviors will NEVER stick. You HAVE to start a routine if you want any real changes!
So why do we fall off the wagon when it comes to health and fitness? Most of us do the same routine year in and year out. Summer/Warmer weather approaches and we rush to drop the pounds. What are our EXCUSES? Let's take a good hard look in the mirror, what is seriously stopping us from achieving what we want?
There it is! Right in the mirror in front of us! IT IS US! We are stopping ourselves; we are our biggest challenges. It is ALL a mental game! I know with myself it is a BIG mental game when it comes to stress eating, being lazy or not getting up in time to work out in the morning. There is NOTHING ELSE STANDING IN OUR WAY! It is only us.
How do we change this mental game? Well, how bad do you want to be in shape? How bad do you want to drop those pounds? I mean, don't you get frustrated when it comes to losing weight EVERY YEAR?! It is SO much harder to drop weight and it seems so easy to gain it! It is all a mental game so here are some tips to keep you from falling off that wagon again!
So here are five tips to keep you on track all year long and break that mentality of cycle dieting!
We all have crazy lives, I totally understand. I LIKE to be busy, which might make me crazy! However, I have been a horrible planner and I always run out of time. What I have started to do is take advantage of my down time and really write down things I need to do. Maybe it's an adult thing to do! Write out your week, plan your meals, your workouts and write out everything you have going on this week. Where can you find time to workout? Where do you have an extra ten minutes? Do you think you need to start getting up a little earlier? Or maybe after the kids go to sleep, do something for you? Whatever it is, you can plan it. You can plan your workouts, you can plan your meals and as long as you STICK to the plan, you will have success. I know that when I don't plan, I eat bad, I grab fast food and I absolutely do not work out. Plan your work outfits the night before or lay out your exercise clothes so when 5:30 am rolls around, you don't complain about trying to find clothes when you are barely awake! PLAN!
I mean we can plan all we want, but what is the point of a plan when we don't follow it? Let me put it to you this way, challenge yourself for five days to follow the plan. At the end of the week, how do you feel? Did your week go by fast? I know mine does when I follow a plan. Cooking at home and meal prepping typically saves you money too so how is that bank account of yours? Stick to your plan! I know that when I concentrate on a plan for a few days in a row, it then becomes harder to break. You are setting yourself up for a new routine!
Yes – stop saying you are on a diet. Diets are temporary. To keep the weight off and have any type of long lasting effect, it needs to be a permanent change. Lifestyle change anyone? So when it comes to dieting, we typically do an immediate change to what we are eating and drinking on a daily basis. While some people can quit things "cold turkey", this is usually not the case and it can be detrimental to our changes. When someone typically stop eating bad food all of a sudden, that craving doesn't go away and leads to a binge further down the road. I'm telling you that you can have these bad foods, but you can't eat them all the time. It is a lifestyle change and of course during a LIFESTYLE you will have some bumps along the road. Turn those cheat days into cheat meals, or cheat items. Don't undo a week of progress in simply just a week's time because you had a full cheat day or cheat weekend. Keep it going and don't just suddenly make drastic changes. Start gradually with getting more water in your diet and changing out for healthier foods. Again, if you do this gradually and make permanent changes, you will be more successful!
4.) Eat For Fuel
What do I mean by this? You should eat to nourish your body. Your body can do some pretty amazing things right? Our bodies withstand a lot. We need to be showing our body love and be thankful for what it does for us on a daily basis. I mean it keeps us alive right? Why do we feed it bad things? Sure, those French fries make us comfortable at first when we crave it but the next morning are you feeling great? Don't you feel a little sluggish? We need to eat things that our body and mind will benefit from. Eating better will put all of these other practices into place also. We will be more motivated to conquer our weight loss and health journeys!
5.) Find Your Why (and write it down!)
Why do you want to lose weight? Why do you want to workout? We all need to be honest with ourselves. It is okay to admit you are unhappy with how you look, how you feel, or how clothes fit you. No matter what size you are, it matters how you FEEL inside and out. What is your why? Find that reason deep down inside of you and write about it. If you have to, post it in your bathroom or write it somewhere that you look everyday. Remind yourself everyday WHY you want to start a healthy journey and become a healthier person.
I hope that these are helpful tips that you haven't thought about yet. I know that when I truly plan and think about WHY I want to stay on my healthy journey, the fast food and the real sugary drinks don't see to be craved as often. I crave feeling great and I know I can only reach that point by truly sticking to my plan. I am most successful when I plan and record and prepare for my week ahead.
Another thing that I have found beneficial to my fitness journey is yoga —> read about my journey here I Bend So I Don't Break
What are some tips that have worked for you in your health journey? Sound off below!
Thanks for reading!
Memories & Thank You's – Five Years Cancer Free
I recently celebrated five years cancer free – WOOO!!! This is a HUGE milestone because this magical five year mark means that I AM CURED!!! The disease has not come back and it better never come back! I have too much life to live! It means a lot to me, and means more than some other birthdays I have had. This milestone seemed so far away and difficult to get to but I made it.
This post is dedicated to my time spent during cancer and my thoughts and memories. I also thank a whole heck of a lot of people in this blog post. So if you really want to read this, you might want to grab some coffee or a snack because this is a long post! This isn't all happy either! (Thank you in advance for reading!!)
I remember…
I remember crying alone in my car when I got the news from my new primary care doctor and how I needed to try to hold it together when I needed to call off work because I was being sent to an oncologist immediately when my first results came back.
I remember coming home to tell my brother, who had to drive me to the oncologist (my brother was 19 at the time) and my sister (22 at the time) meeting us there straight after work. I remember their faces and I remember how I felt. I remember trying to relax and be calm because they were so worried.
I remember getting a bone marrow biopsy which still makes me cringe to this day. It was painful.
I remember shutting everyone out and having my brother and my boyfriend at the time call my family members to tell them the news. I couldn't bare to talk to anyone and only hung out with a few people that weekend (Memorial Day weekend – so long weekend thank God!)
I remember going for my first PET scan and so many other procedures that I never had to do ever in my life.
I remember my first chemo and how I can't stand the taste of honey nut cheerios anymore. My first chemo was seven hours and my aunt brought me and then my sister sat with me all of those hours after she worked beforehand.
I remember the taste of those bitter steroid pills that instantly dissolved in your mouth – I would eat them with sour patch kids!
I remember the day my hair starting falling out – I barely could brush it and by the next day, my brother was shaving my head because I couldn't stand it anymore.
I remember all of my chemo sessions afterwards – my grandma came with me to each one and my grandpa drove us. We sat and talked for four hours every time about everything and anything.
I remember getting the call that I didn't need chemo anymore and my excitement was short lived because I called you and you couldn't talk to me to celebrate. We then had a fight and I had to celebrate without you. I remember thinking this wasn't that big of a deal.
I remember my brother in law and sister taking me out to celebrate I didn't need chemo anymore because my cancer was gone. I remember some of my friends coming out also since it was so last minute. They made me feel this was a big deal.
I remember my first radiation treatment and how all of the nurses were so nice. My radiologist was so awesome too and I learned so much from him as he too was a Hodgkin's Lymphoma Cancer survivor. I learned so much more from him that I ever did from my oncologist.
I remember the nurses at St. Margaret's gave me a head wrap because I wore head wraps to radiation all the time.
I remember celebrating two times with my groups of friends because I was done with radiation and I was cancer free.
I remember getting back to my life somewhat normally – and getting a haircut for the first time and how scary it was to not need a wig anymore.
I remember going in for my 6 month check-up after being declared cancer free. My treatment had worked – 6 months of chemo and three weeks of radiation. I also went for my first mammogram. I had no reason to believe I was going to be a cancer patient again in a week's time. I was so focused on my life outside of my health and focused on boy drama that it never crossed my mind that I would end up having cancer again.
I remember about a week later I was talking to my oncologist that I had cancer again and then being referred to a fertility specialist all within an hour on the same day because I was also told that my eggs would basically be gone after this round of chemo after a second time. Within an hour, everything came crashing down and I was alone to receive this news.
I remember depending on a person to help me find solace – I remember wanting that person to make me feel better and be there to support me. I felt so broken and lost and lonely and again, it was about how this person was treating me and not how the news of having cancer again affected me. I remember that was my dead on focus and unfortunately I hadn't let this news sink in of having cancer again. I was a mess and very down.
I remember seeing a therapist for the first time – it is a requirement of someone who is "under duress" needing to freeze eggs caused by a medical condition. We had an hour together and it was on a day where I found out a relationship was no longer going to happen because it was solidified that the other person had moved on. I was devastated all around. I also had to make up my mind in who I would gift my eggs to if something were to happen to me. This is the moment where everything sank in.
I remember going to Northwestern every day for three weeks – driving myself early in the morning going to a fertility clinic where there were couples and pregnant woman and me, being single and nowhere near having babies in my life, was waiting among them. I felt so odd and out of place. I had to go for daily ultrasounds because they were speeding up the "freezing of my eggs" process so I could start chemo ASAP.
I remember having my egg procedure done and the nurse in the room holding my hand, both of her hands gripped my hand tight and how sweet she was. Whoever she was, she brought me so much comfort that day. At this point in the process, I was going through the motions and I always expected the unexpected and was ready for whatever was coming because no matter what, the next few months were very unknown to me.
I remember the day before I started my first chemo I had the day off. I ran errands and made myself up and worked out and ate like a queen that day. It was also the first time I could put my hair in a ponytail for over a year.
I remember starting my first chemo – this time around I would be admitted for 48 hours (over the course of 3 days) and spent most of this time alone.
I remember my best friend spending the night on a hard hospital bed next to me and it was the best thing ever. Anything I could to distract my mind from what was happening would be a good thing for me. Social media was my friend where I lived on it to communicate with the outside world. I was administered chemo straight for 12 hours.
I remember having a positive outlook on moving on from my ended relationship and started up a new one – a distraction really. I remember also when this quickly ended as being bald was not ideal for this person.
I remember again focusing on things that should not have mattered. I needed to focus on my health and my mindset and these distractions needed to go away. I was going to put myself first and focus on getting through these next unknown months.
I remember losing my hair and this time I was able to simply pull it out from my head – I didn't use clippers or anything. It was like pulling string and it was painless to pull out. I lost it all within a day (this would be my second time losing hair).
I remember going on a date and it was when I was bald and thinking how in the world am I pulling this off? I felt so self-conscious about this and was so nervous. I never expected anything from it but it took my mindset to a whole new direction.
I remember actually having FUN during my chemo visits and in between my chemo rounds. I would have 2.5 weeks off in between treatments and I made sure to get out and do stuff when I was feeling fine. I celebrated every little milestone – I had so many things to be grateful for and I was actually happy for a change. It was an odd feeling because the first time I went through chemo was a very stressful and difficult time and the people around me then did not fully support me how I needed to be supported.
I remember going out with all of my friends and celebrating the fact I had a chest x-ray that showed no signs of my cancer! This was after my 2nd round and I would still have to go through a 3rd round and then a stem-cell transplant. I felt great and it was awesome to be around with a group of people who were all fully supporting you.
I remember then becoming obsessed with Seagram's ginger ale with some cranberry juice! My nurse that made that for me was the best nurse ever and my obsession with ginger ale is still thriving five years later!
I remember being in the hospital in the dead of winter. I remember for the most time being alone and not having communication with any of the outside world. I remember not WANTING to speak to anyone except for a select few. My sister was really the only person I truly wanted to talk to.
I remember the nurses having me meet another patient who was on my floor and had a similar story as mine. We met in the computer room and she was going through the same treatment as me. Her mom and her would check in on me all the time. We still communicate to this day.
I remember when walking around once on the hospital floor was a long journey. I needed to wear a mask and gloves and I couldn't walk fast or without losing my breath.
I remember only consuming diet coke and Reese's pieces and maybe some ginger ale as that was the only thing that I wanted. Some days I even sprung for some popcorn. I was the weakest I had ever been and with my busy mind and my "go go go" attitude that I can't even imagine how I was able to lay in a bed for 12 hours a day. I didn't want to get up and walk around. I felt that crummy.
This was right around the time I was having horrible fevers and had an infection in my system that the doctors didn't know the cause for. I was cleared to go home with all other stats but I remember being so upset and frustrated that this reinforced the idea that sometimes you might do the right things with your body and be healthy and active your whole life, that you can't do anything about it. You have to play the mental game and mentally get through these times.
I remember my sister would come and visit and take dirty clothes away and by the time I left the hospital, my suitcases were packed full with snacks and no clothes!
I remember sitting in my hospital room every night living on Facebook (Facebook memories also reminds me of this!) and planning out my next year of things I wanted to do. I remember signing up for races WHILE going through chemotherapy.
I remember coming home and not being able to walk a flight of stairs without being out of breath. I can't believe how fast your body gets weak with being bed ridden for so long.
I remember coming home to my puppy, who from what I heard was acting really strange because I was gone. My sister had made me a cake and decorated the house for me to come home!
I remember getting another huge blow as someone important to my recovery and my happiness was once again leaving my life and I would need to pick up more pieces. I remember also not dwelling over this too much as I was going back to work and finally going to get my normal routine back. I was determined to get my strength back and walking on a treadmill for 8 minutes straight was a big accomplishment.
I remember a month after my auto transplant I ran a 5 mile race (yes one that I signed up for while getting treatment).
I remember after my first x-ray that I had signs of possible cancer growth again and had to have another surgery. This was a huge blow to my recovery. I went through this surgery and it ended up being dead cells. It was a scary moment but it was another speed bump in recovery.
I remember celebrating every milestone this time around and the people around me made it a big deal with every test, every procedure, every declaration of clear scans. I remember having a better support system this time around.
I remember finally being declared cancer free and I held a huge part at my house that involved a keg. It was one of the best parties our house had ever seen!
I remember that summer was one of the best summers I had with my friends. I got so close with so many people and developed relationships that would last the rest of my life. Those people are still my family today.
I came out of this stronger than before. I think that my first time with cancer really didn't change me for the better because I was more of the same person – I depended on others for happiness and I wasn't the independent person I was supposed to be. I lost myself in a relationship and during my first cancer battle, all I wanted to do was "get back to normal". No one was there to tell me that I will have a new normal and through my 2nd battle and all the other side heartaches that happened, I love the person I have developed into today. Now being 30 years old, I think about how I was 23 years old being diagnosed, alone in a car on my way to work and needing to go see an oncologist right away. I was roped into this whirlwind and unfamiliar territory where I didn't have my mom or dad to call or take me to my appointments. There was so much stress put on this life of a young adult that it makes me tear up thinking of my young self and how much she had to deal with. Thinking of 23 year olds today, my goodness! I can't tell you how I got through it, I can just tell you that I did get through it. I don't know how I did it. You just get through. I didn't get through this alone though.
My Thank You's
Thank you to my best friend, where I remember going out to dinner to a local Chili's to catch up and as she was going through nursing school I decided to tell her about a painless lump in my neck that wouldn't go away. I could tell by the way she looked at me when I told her that she was immediately concerned. I didn't have a primary care doctor established (never needed one as I was relatively healthy) and she referred me to her local family doctor.
Thank you to that family doctor who sent me straight to get tests done because she had some major concerns. Also, thank you to her when she immediately had arranged for me to see an oncologist after I was read my cancer results.
Thank you to my assistant manager at the time, who was very caring and understanding when I had to call off work that day because I got this news and couldn't come in because I was seeing the oncologist.
Thank you to my brother and my sister that day – my brother (who is 4 years younger than me) drove me to the oncologist because I was so upset. My sister left work and met me there as well.
Thank you to my uncle who was there for me every single step of the way and for all of the major appointments.
Thank you to my boyfriend at the time who took me to my very first PET scan and made sure I ate well and took me out for chicken wings. He calmed my fears that day.
Thank you to my aunt, uncle and boyfriend who came with me for my surgery and my boyfriend and his family buying us food all weekend.
Thank you to my sister, who sat with me for seven hours straight during my first chemo session (after she had worked all morning).
Thank you to my aunt who also came with me to my first chemo session and made sure to bring a bunch of snacks for me. (who was also caring for her sick mom at the time)
Thank you to my grandma who sat with me at every other chemo session after that. We would talk and talk and talk about life and everything else. Thank you to my grandpa for driving my grandma and me there and back every time.
Thank you to my boyfriend's family at the time, because they took care of me and thank you for the golf outing that was put on to support me. Thank you to all of the wonderful people who donated and sponsored golf holes and thank you to my friends who made shirts, designed shirts, made jello shots and did just about everything for me that day.
Thank you to all of my friends who celebrated with me for each milestone of being done with chemo and being done with radiation and being cancer free.
Thank you to my brother in law for always driving me around and taking care of me when my sister needed a break.
Thank you to my sister who made dinner every night for me and kept the household running when I couldn't even walk around because I was so sore and sick.
Thank you to my brother who used his clippers to shave my head when I couldn't stand it anymore.
Thank you to so many wonderful friends, co-workers and acquaintances who sent me gift cards to myself and my family. So many random acts of kindness that it was overwhelming.
Thank you to my oncologist at Northwestern, because now I actually miss seeing you as much as I did before. I was always nervous to go to my doctor here locally, but all of the doctors and nurses at Northwestern eased my worries and actually cared about me.
Thank you to my uncle and my aunt who were with me every single step of the way when it came to more surgeries, doctors' appointments and other procedures. Thank you to my uncle especially for sitting with me for 8 hours in a really boring room while I had my stem cells harvested.
Thank you to my sister who doesn't like driving on the highway and made it to Northwestern once a week by train to visit me on her own.
Thank you to my brother in law for driving me or picking me up from Northwestern when my uncle couldn't.
Thank you to my best friends, who came and visited me and most notably one of my friends always spending the night with me.
Thank you to my boyfriend at the time, who provided overwhelming support for me while I endured this, and who was so good to me when I needed him to be. It kept me distracted a lot of the times and you were one of the only people I wanted to talk to or lean on.
Thank you to all of my friends who visited me and brought me snacks and stuffed animals and had dinner with me. I will never forget all of my visitors.
Thank you to one of my nurses at Northwestern – who made a special "cocktail" for me for the Super Bowl and made everything so painless for me. Being a big sports fan, I watched the Super Bowl alone and it was weird for me because I was used to parties. She made a special concoction of ginger ale and cranberry for me and now I am addicted.
Thank you to my friend who visited me on Sundays – those were the best days to look forward to.
Thank you to my wonderful aunt who came with me to my last surgery because it was amazing to get to spend the day with you and get to talk to you like that.
Thank you to my awesome group of friends – where you believed in my ideas and my will power and signed up for many races to run in while I was still in the hospital fully knowing I was going to be okay and run with you.
Thank you to my amazing family who constantly checked in on me, brought me food and cared for me while I needed it.
Thank you to one of my bosses (and my now husband!) for emailing me while I was in the hospital demanding pictures of food and basically just demanding contact. It is amazing how you are a little part of this story and now you are the biggest part.
Thank you to my girls – you know who you are. You are all amazing to me and I just can't imagine not having you in my life.
Thank you to my sister – because you were my biggest champion through all of this and there were times where I couldn't take care of myself. I can't list the millions of things you did for me, but know I will be forever grateful. When I came home from my long stay, I walked into a house that was already decorated.
Thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement, a card, a gift card, monetary donation, said a prayer or anything else – I had an immense amount of support and I'm sure there are people that I don't even know who supported me also. If you are no longer a part of my life anymore or we have drifted a part, please know that if you were a part of my story you helped in some way and I will be forever grateful. I am the person I am today thanks to everyone who has come into my life.
I don't feel what I did is extraordinary – the best quote I can share with you is "You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have". That was my only choice. In my mind, I feel I did what anyone else would have done. It honestly took a lot of nights of self-reflection and days where I sat alone thinking in silence about certain situations or my road to recovery, but it also took a lot of venting sessions with a lot of my friends and a lot of my distractions helped also. It takes a village, and really, there isn't enough support for the family or friends that go through this with you. Sure, you might be the cancer patient and you can only help yourself but what about the caretakers who feel helpless and try to understand what you are going through? I had so many people in my life who were my caretakers, but my core friends and family, I will never understand what they were thinking, just as they won't understand my feelings. I was diagnosed at 23, my sister was 22 and my brother was 19. For my sister to go through this as well, we were all so young dealing with so many adult issues. The same goes for my friends and my various significant others throughout this road; they do not understand and everyone reacts differently. Some people aren't geared to be there for other people or geared to take on such a big responsibility and it doesn't make them a bad person, it's just that they aren't the ones that need to be there for you. The people that can handle these unfortunate events are the ones that are the strongest. I don't blame the people who I lost along the road, because like I said, everyone reacts differently. I was so young, we were all so young going through this mess and I didn't have parents that were there to help or be there for me. A lot of young people dealing with a mess of adult issues.
The last five years have been nothing but amazing; and while there has been heartache along the road and ups and downs, I know how to live life now. When I turned 30 last summer, it was very bittersweet because I was saying good-bye to my 20's, which were truly life changing in every way. I know how to get through tough times and really dig deep and know that certain situations are only temporary. All that matters is your reaction and what you are going to do next. You absolutely cannot control life sometimes, but you can control how you react and your actions towards your outcome. I have amazing people in my life and people that support me in whatever I do and I only hope that I show that back. You can't waste your life on people who don't lift you up and on not being happy with yourself. You are missing out on so much if you aren't doing things you truly love with the people who truly build you up and make you feel great.
Thank you for reading my longest post ever – this was an ode to the young girl who didn't know what she was getting in to and how proud I am of that girl for getting through the hardest trials of her young life.
Until next time,
If you are a cancer survivor or cancer warrior right now and have some questions or need to talk, I am here. I am a part of several groups on Facebook where I give advice and share my story and experiences to other cancer survivors or current cancer patients now. If you need to talk to someone, I am here for you to vent <3
You can connect with me on any social media outlet or email me at email@example.com or go to the contact tab at the top of this page.


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Douglas and Jane Jacobs moved to their stately brick colonial in Leesburg, Va., from New York along with their two cats and a beagle last year. But they began working with Dinna Eckstein, owner of Audrey Kate Design and Staging long before they left New York.
In fact, they never met with Eckstein in person until after much of the design work was done. The house was beautiful but needed an update. They opted for a partial makeover that included fresh gray paint throughout most of the house, rich, velvet curtains and new furniture to be mixed with many of their favorite possessions they've collected from around the world.
Here's how Eckstein brought it all together:
The master suite, which Jane said is her favorite room, was a vibrant yellow. A color she and Douglas really liked and wanted to keep. They agreed to bring the yellow down to a lighter shade and Eckstein tied it in with a large tufted headboard, dark wood Cabot bedroom suite accented by light wood top drawers. And, taking center stage as you enter the room, is a striking settee in a gray and white filigree pattern, flanked by soft gray and yellow paisley curtains. Coordinating bedding West Elm.
"I don't normally like dark wood because it looks ponderous, Jane said of the bedroom furniture, "but for a big room they really look …"
"…luminous," Eckstein adds.
Speaking of dark wood, the matching black entertainment consoles facing the mile-long L-shaped midnight blue Lay-Z-Boy couch are the perfect backdrop for the family room, where the Jacobs spend most of their time. A light gray herringbone patterned indoor-outdoor rug from Maison Warehouse of Sterling, Va., sits at the foot of the couch. The curtains in this room are meant to block the sun since they use it as a media room.
Eckstein couldn't wait until the arched mirror came in. That took its place over the fireplace and opened up the two-story room even further.
With much background research on the Jacobs' personalities, likes and dislikes, AKDS has filled their home with furnishings that fit their lifestyle. This is the fun part: With the exception of two large twin contemporary paintings Eckstein found at a local consignment shop — which now hang in the two-story foyer — the Jacobs' own collectible artwork is accented throughout the house. From Douglas's favored musical wall clock from Fortunoff of New York to Monet prints from France, needlepoint acquired from Liberty of London and original pieces from artist friends, Eckstein chose strategic places for these pieces and others so their walls highlight their favorite memories AND pull in the new colors of the house.
Eckstein also commissioned a local craftsman, Bruce Smallwood of Smallwood Woodworking, to build a custom dining table that would compliment the couple's Bernhardt china cabinet, and paired the finished product with a set of contemporary champagne colored chairs.
The Jacobses say they are pleased with the outcome. Some things they had to see before they could envision the plan Eckstein had all along. "I wasn't sure about the (foyer) paintings, but when I saw them up, I said whoa! That looks good," Douglas mused. He says of Eckstein, "Dinna has an excellent sense of knowing the style we wanted for our house."
As Douglas added in his review on her Houzz site, "She asked all the right questions regarding our tastes and made sure that her recommendations were not outlining or too conservative. There was a lot of back and forth as the house was furnished and she was able to discern our likes and dislikes. She had many suggestions, but just as importantly, she listened to our ideas and was able to direct our choices while blending with her knowledge. In the end, the house looks wonderful and uniquely ours."


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Summer Simplicity
Summer simplicity for me goes back to basics. A basic white tee and a pair of denim shorts. It's a classic look! Although these have a slight twist! I'm a child of the 60's! What can I say? I'm a little bit of a hippy chick deep in my heart.
These shorts are distressed and all patched up. They bring back memories of days long past. I remember having patches all over my jeans in the late sixties. Back then patches were used to cover all the rips and tears.
Now rips and distressing are all the rage.
When it comes to white tees they come in such a variety and variation these days. The one I've chosen is a crewneck pocket tee from Madewell.
I believe you need a least 3 whites tees in your repertoire. I always enjoy changing them up. That way they don't get dingy and worn looking, and they're also easy to wear into fall.
I like to have a v-neck tee, crew neck tee and a scoop neck to chose from.
A wedge sandal is easy on my feet these days. These Marc Fisher espadrilles are the "Randall platform." I switch between this sandal and the "Adalyn" espadrille wedge which are both in a neutral brown.
A vintage pair of earrings, a necklace from Sylca Designs and a Hobo bag round out the accessories the rest of this look.
When it comes to running around after my grandkids to grabbing lunch and shopping on a cute summer day; this look works for everything.
Photographer/Chloe Enos
Denim Bermuda Shorts/similar here and here/Nordstrom
Pocket Tee/similar here/Anthropologie
Wedges/Randall Platform Espadrille Sandals/Marc Fisher
Hobo Bag/similar here/Nordstrom
Earrings/similar here /Anthropologie
Necklace/similar here/J Crew Factory


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At the National Writers' Conference at this year's Emerging Writers' Festival, four of Australia's best emerging arts critics appeared on a panel, ostensibly representing the critical analysis of four major art forms: film, theatre, literature, and television (though in fact all four critics have each written about multiple forms). Rebecca Harkins-Cross, Jane Howard, James Tierney and Chad Parkhill were brought together on a panel to discuss "Why do we like what we like, and should we even care? Why do we dissect things, and what value is there in examining the merits of the latest band, book, or show?". The conversation was wide-ranging and showcased just why the Emerging Writers' Festival is leading the way.
For the panel, each of these four critics was asked to prepare a five-minute introductory provocation. Such is the quality of these short pieces—and their overlappingness is also excellent—that The Lifted Brow asked if we could publish them all, one a day, this week.
In the last three days we have published Rebecca Harkins-Cross', Jane Howard's and James Tierney's provocations. Today we bring you Chad Parkhill's.
LIVE-STREAMING OUR MUSIC CRITICISM?by Chad Parkhill
In 1969, an aspiring music journalist named Lester Bangs replied to a notice in Rolling Stone magazine seeking freelance music writers by sending in a review of MC5's album Kick Out the Jams. The review would be Bangs's first publication in a brief but storied career—and, as anyone who has suffered the presence of a certain kind of middle-aged male music nerd will know, Bangs is now seen as the sine qua non of rock music criticism: without Bangs, nothing. I don't open this paper with this anecdote to further enshrine Bangs as (to purloin a phrase from Bill Callahan) a rock 'n' roll saint—indeed, one of the more exciting developments in recent music critical history has been a re-evaluation of Bangs's legacy and the championing of female contemporaries of his such as Sylvie Simmons, Lilian Roxon and Ellen Willis[i]. But Bangs's review of MC5 reveals much about the assumptions that once pervaded music criticism, and how much the passage of time and developments in technology have rendered those assumptions untenable.
"Well, the album is out now and we can all judge for ourselves," Bangs writes of the pre-release hype associated with MC5. "For my money they come on more like Blue Cheer than [John Coltrane] and [Pharaoh] Sanders but then my money has already gone for a copy of this ridiculous, overbearing, pretentious album; and maybe that's the idea, isn't it?" Undergirding Bangs's critique of the album lies the assumption that the critic's role is essentially that of a consumer guide: is this album worth spending your money on? It also assumes that the critic has an epistemological privilege over the reader by virtue not only of his (and rock criticism was mostly a male province in 1969) superior knowledge of music and, concomitantly, taste[ii], but also in terms of access to the music. Finally, it assumes that both critic and reader broadly agree on matters of taste. Lester Bangs has listened to Kick Out the Jams; you have not; he's here to tell you whether it's any good. (In the case of Kick Out the Jams, Lester says it's no good; posterity has been much kinder, and the album is now regarded as one of the key documents of the protopunk movement.) If you're tempted to see this understanding of the critic's role and the associated assumptions as a unique case, bear in mind that Robert Christgau—who calls himself the 'Dean of American Rock Critics'—earned his reputation from short capsule reviews published between 1969 and 2013 in the Village Voice under the heading 'Consumer Guide'.[iii]
In retrospect it's amazing that Christgau's 'Consumer Guide' approach lasted into 2013. By the mid-noughties the assumptions that the audience would consider buying an album, that the audience had less knowledge of music than the critic, that the critic has accessed the music before the listener, and that the listener was likely to care about a critic's opinion had already started to crumble in the face of leaks, piracy, and the splintering and recombination of musical taste enabled by the internet; in 2015 those assumptions seem almost charmingly quaint. Who amongst us buys music any more? Why would you, when you can stream almost anything you can buy from iTunes on Spotify for the price of having to put up with an annoying ad every so often? (Who even pirates it?) While only a fool would dare suggest they have a more encyclopaedic knowledge of music than Christgau, who worked full-time from 1969 to 2013 listening to new-release albums, who would want to suggest that Christgau has better insights into their favourite micro-genre than they do? Why would you care about what a critic says about an album when their review appears two weeks or a month after you first listened to the album thanks to a prerelease leak[iv]? And why would you listen to a critic labouring under the pretense that their voice matters when critics themselves seem to have abdicated the role of adjudicating matters of taste in favour of what some dismissively call 'poptimism'?[v]
The question for music critics right now seems to boil down to this: what does it mean to be a music critic when our audiences can be listening to the song or album we're discussing at the same time as they read our take on it? What happens when we no longer function as a filter between the audience and the ever-larger deluge of new music but instead take part in a three-way conversation between musicians, audiences, and ourselves?
I suspect that there are no easy answers to these questions, because the state of music criticism reflects the current state of the music industry: a state of profound flux. Streaming services dominated music-critical discourse in 2013 and 2014; in 2015 alone we've seen the launch of a new artist-led streaming service, Tidal, that practically tanked within weeks, the closure of Grooveshark owing to legal issues, and some embarrassing revelations about Spotify's contracts that may render its position among the major labels untenable. CD and digital sales continue to decline, while demand for vinyl is higher than ever—although nowhere near the level that would be required to supplant CDs as the music industry's staple. Thanks to a confluence of technology and consumer demand, music has become as ubiquitous as tap water—and just about as valuable.[vi]
In such a landscape, the role of the music critic will have to be re-evaluated, and I don't think there are many music critics out there who are not currently rethinking their critical practice. (Perhaps this explains critics' eagerness to write about reissues and compilations—amateur historiography is an easier and more pleasant prospect than being pressed to pass some sort of judgement on new-release music.) If we have not already done so, we will have to jettison the assumption that we can ever achieve the kind of encyclopaedic knowledge of the contemporary music scene that critics such as Christgau claimed to possess of the music scenes of their own times. The conversation will have to become more intimate, something akin to what used to happen when a friend would press a mixtape into your hand: Here. Listen to this. I think you'll like it, and here's why.
Chad Parkhill is a cultural critic who writes about sex, booze, music, history, and books - but not necessarily in that order.
[i]For example, see Anwen Crawford's excellent New Yorker piece 'The World Needs Female Rock Critics', or Joel McIver's recent interview with Sylvie Simmons in The Quietus.
[ii] Bangs would later go on to mourn the death of what we might call a public sphere or a common language of taste in his coverage of Elvis Presley's death for The Village Voice in 1977: "[N]ot for everyone was Elvis the still-reigning King of Rock 'n' Roll, in fact not for everyone is rock 'n' roll the still-reigning music. By now, each citizen has found his own little obsessive corner to blast his brain in: as the sixties were supremely narcissistic, solipsism's what the seventies have been about, and nowhere is this better demonstrated than in the world of 'pop' music. … [S]olipsism holds all the cards at present; it is a king whose domain engulfs even Elvis's. But I can guarantee you one thing: we will never again agree on anything as we agreed on Elvis. So I won't bother saying good-bye to his corpse. I will say good-bye to you." Needless to say the development of music streaming services has further shattered the concept of a musical demos.
[iii]Of course, Christgau's column was more than a mere consumer guide, owing to the quality of his densely-packed prose. Douglas Wolk has argued that "The title of the 'Consumer Guide' was a serious joke—it was probably a little unfashionable in 1969 for a music critic to present his work as market-based service journalism." That may be the case, but Christgau's own introduction to his archive of 'Consumer Guide' reviews on the web makes plain just how serious he was about the joke: he argues it lasted so long because people found it useful when making purchasing decisions
[iv]. As artists often put their new release albums for streaming online as soon as a leak happens—one way to mitigate the loss of sales that occur when a curious fan downloads a prerelease leak and neglects to follow up with a purchase once it's legally available—even virtuous music fans benefit from the actions of the not-so-virtuous
[v]. See Saul Austerlitz's New York Times piece 'The Pernicious Rise of Poptimism', which corrals a number of complaints about the supposedly un-critical nature of contemporary music criticism. Although Ted Gioia's incendiary article 'Music Criticism Has Degenerated Into Lifestyle Reporting' doesn't use the term 'poptimism', it too can be read as a screed against the supposedly too-permissive nature of modern music criticism
[vi].This is a metaphor I've used in the past in relation to streaming services, so it was heartening to see Jay Z use a similar analogy when launching Tidal. That water industry executives have reacted poorly to Jay Z's comments indicates that both the music and water industries are suffering from a problem of value perception—neither music nor water is actually free, but consumers act as though neither is particularly valuable.