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"So what was it like? Your first kiss, I mean," Liz said, figuring she might even know who first pressed her lips against mine and I reciprocated.
Where do women come up with these questions? Why she was so inquisitive about such ancient history was lost on me. I sure as hell didn't wish to know who she locked retainers with back in her training bra days.
"Well? Can't you even remember, Erik?" she said, incredulous that I may have forgotten such a major milestone in my emotional, psychological and sexual education like any other lost bit of high school I absent-mindedly tossed on that pile of Pythagorean theories, amo-amas-amat's, and names of all the noble gases.
"Really, I don't remember much about it other than it being another dance to hang out at…just softer and smelling better," I said with a chuckle. Which I soon regretted.
"You're either closer to a forgetful Alzheimer's diagnosis than even I thought, or one cold son of a bitch," Liz said like she was a week-old helium-filled balloon shrinking and sinking to the floor right there in front of icy old me.
"Give me a minute and I promise I'll let you know all about it," I said, trying to buy some time to actually remember or at least come up with a plausible story.
So she went to the kitchen, busying herself with fetching me another beer. After all, I was rummaging back into my cluttered closet of a memory to bring forth the mother lode of her need to connect on some level she could tap and understand.
She came back into the room and quietly set a glass of beer on a coaster on the side table. She then curled herself up next to me on the sofa in that way girls do—legs and feet beneath their bottoms like nesting cranes—wrapped the Mexican striped throw around her shoulders and smiled a softly expectant smile at me. Its message was plain: "I'm waiting!"
"I regret that my porous old memory cannot recall every aspect, facet and emotion of that night. I'm not even sure who she was. Rosemary? Barbara? Definitely not Mary Grace. Though, boy, do I wish."
"Ahem, stick to the knitting, Erik."
"Okay, I see brown eyes shining up at me, sparkling like polished mahogany in the moonlight, or street light or maybe porch light."
"That's a good pull after that clumsy start, Romeo."
"Yeah, well…I can still feel that cold stab of fear, tempered by hot blasts of potential embarrassment at the very real possibility of screwing this up and setting my life on a path of remaining forever the untouched one. Obviously, I've gotten over that hurdle."
"The night is young, Erik. Touching will be optional. Go on," she said, her eyes softening a bit from their clinical observation of my amoebic squirming in the upholstered Petri dish next to her.
"Girls, yourself included, I'm sure, think about this moment, dream about it, worry about it, from an early age. Am I right?" I said, trying to absorb something of what she was feeling. You know, like I was a girl.
"Did you practice, perhaps pressing your lips to a mouth made of your thumb and index finger, there in your pink and sky blue-appointed, single-bed sanctum sanctorum?" I asked.
"Of course not," Liz said. But the red rising from beneath the throw, up her neck and glowing like hot coals on her cheeks, told me otherwise.
"A guy can't think that far ahead, would never give that first kiss a dry-run. It isn't like rehearsing his expression of insouciant cool in the steamed-up mirror behind that locked bathroom door. You figure one night it just happens."
I could see her lean in now, her warm interest overcoming her cool displeasure.
" Ya know, it's uncharted, virgin, that first feeling of neo-carnal warmth a guy feels glowing off that girl, that woman, Her. The smell of her recharged perfume in the dark is heady stuff, sweaty, intoxicating, inviting."
Liz pulled her legs from beneath her and hugged them to her chest, resting her chin on her knees.
"Then that feeling of her mouth drawing closer, warmer, tropical, her breath sharing mine, mine with hers. My shaking hand on the small of her back, hers rising to slide within my black hair bristling like a porcupine's quills at the back of my neck.
"Then you simply fall into that wet, warm pool of flesh, that doorway to the pounding trip-hammer heart, the unknown, the soon-enough revealed. After that, the fall becomes a climb and dive from the high board. Then another. Then…"
"You're not playing me, are you, Erik?" Liz said. "I mean, is this really how you felt?"
"Oh, yeah. I can still feel it. Walking away, whistling my quiet, night-time whistle through the ivied posh, the ever-freshly painted not-so and my own not-very neighborhoods home, my left hand touching my flushed cheek, my lips that tasted of strawberry lip gloss, the smell of her perfume still on my fingers, Charlie I think it was," I said, looking deeply into Liz's brown eyes.
"Wow, Erik, that's more than I ever expected," she said, cuddling up close to me, putting her sandy-haired head on my shoulder.
"But that's all I remember," I said.
"You jerk," she said. "I'll bet it wasn't this memorable."
And then she gave me a warm, wet kiss full of promise, momentous and unforgettable. And I felt that spin and drop like I hadn't felt since that first time.
Only rated NC-17.
For Day 22 of my Story-a-Day challenge, I was encouraged to make my prose as purple as I liked, in a quest to find out how much description I really need. We'll, as a poet in the other side of my other literary life, I tend to throw the schmaltz around pretty liberally. If you don't think so, just take a look at the previous to poems I posted. I'm not sure I took a deep dive into it in my story, but I hope there's enough gooey description in here to satisfy.


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subset: commoncrawl


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TOMORROW'S Valentine's Day will mostly be about erotic love. But today's Ash Wednesday starts Lent that relives the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross for his love of us. I thought I'd talk about this more sublime kind of love whose "logic (F. Sionil Jose so aptly puts) is sacrifice."
This is the love that exists, should anyway, between husband and wife and their children. This is also, or should be, the love we have for our country. Its logic and challenge is sacrifice. This love challenges us to ask ourselves what sacrifice we are willing to make for the country that we profess to love.
To be sure, this challenge is hurled at all citizens. This is a question we all have to ask ourselves in any given historical moment in our nation's life. But because this is an election year I would like to hurl it now at media especially the big TV networks.
I know media's central role in society is to watch the powerful on behalf of the powerless and be the people's mouthpiece against any and all forms of oppression wrought on them. To be fair, media are doing this during and after elections. However, it is no secret that media, come election time, rake up a lot of money from the over-the-limit spending for campaign ads by political candidates.
If media loved this country, as can be assumed by their screams against official wrongdoings, shouldn't they be helping implement the law on campaign expense limits? They know that in our personality-based election system violation of this law is one big reason only moneyed candidates, no matter how crooked and incompetent, win elections by the name-recall their super-expensive ad placements in media generate.
Love of country challenges media to sacrifice billions' worth of TV, radio and print revenues from wealthy candidates who are known liars, cheats or thieves. Instead of collaborating with these lying, cheating and thieving clowns in finding ways to go around the campaign expense limit, maybe media can consider foregoing these revenues and stop helping dirty politicians get the needed name-recall to win.
Crazy, isn't it? Indeed it is and because media are essentially big business. People need to realize that the same greed that drives politicians to steal is what drives media to accept the stolen money that dirty politicians pay their campaign ads with and which they will recover by stealing some more.
The logic, the challenge of love of country is sacrifice. Without sacrifice love is empty talk or plain hypocrisy. I have suggested a sacrifice for media. For the rest of us I strongly suggest we do not vote for the big spenders of media ads. Money might be all they have but neither mind nor heart for the suffering Filipino people.
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Hello everyone, I lost my password for a while and so I was unable to update this for some time. I have found a way to do it so I'm back in business.
Since I posted last, I have been with WOF to Atlanta, GA, Anaheim, CA, Philadelphia, PA, Denver, CO, Phoenix, AZ, Portland, OR, St. Paul, MN, & Oklahoma City, OK. I have also done two dates with Sheila Walsh in Philadelphia, PA & Parker, CO. The picture above is with Sheila Walsh in Parker, CO. Boy I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted. This week, I'm heading to Greensboro, NC. I got to visit family in Denver and Phoenix which was great. Our tour season is winding down. I'm looking forward to having some time off the road but will miss it. Next year's scheudle will be different as there are two 15 date tours going on and I'm not sure which one I will be on. I will also be doing a mini tour with Sheila which will be fun. Dates and places to come.
Last week, Reba & Michelle and I got to attend a TV taping for a show that will be aired this Christmas for the military over seas and at select military bases around the country. The taping took place at the Grand Ole Opery and featured Amy Grant & Take 6. It was a lot of fun. I have never been to a TV taping before.
Please say a prayer for Pasty Clairmont's son, Marty. He is in the hospial and is not doing very well. I just pray for the family that the Lord will statain them and will be near them in this time. I pray God's will to be done in this siutation. He knows best even when we don't understand.


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The Family
The Secret Fundamentalism at the Heart of American Power
by Jeff Sharlet
First off, anyone who knows me even distantly, surely knows that my politics are on the left of the spectrum. I voted for Obama, knowing he was a universe better than McCain, but still far to the right of my hopes. I also have rejected the belief in God, after a childhood and early adulthood trying in vain to fit into Christianity and keep my conscience intact. So, in my case, this book is preaching to the choir, as it were.
The author has done copious research for this book, which is abundantly footnoted throughout, is organized, and in a readable prose. Sharlet is compassionate towards his subjects, which I admire. I don't know that I could relate to Christian fundamentalists with the same degree of grace which he did. Maybe it's distance. I was raised in that world, in the South, and he's a Jew from New York. My own wife, who's Jewish, is much more tolerant of Christian foibles than I.
My impression of the book is that it merely confirms most of the suspicions I've always had about American fundamentalist Christian belief and its relationship to political power. They are seamlessly intertwined, and it's a conscious thing. During the last election, before the primaries, when it was Hillary, Obama, and a half dozen Republicans, what struck me the most was the similarities between them. They're all Christian. And they use Christian rhetoric in their campaigns. It's impossible to be elected President of the United States if you're not a Christian. Barack Obama and Sarah Palin are at the opposite extremes in terms of sanity and intelligence, but they have a larger unifying commonality: Christianity.
The Family begins with Sharlet's tenure at a house called Ivanwild, which is nothing so much as a Christian frat house. There's even a house for women that they socialize with. It's outside Washington DC, and the residents pray and work for congress members. Christian ones. He also goes back to the Puritanical past, with Jonathan Edwards in colonial New England, through the 19th century, giving an illuminating picture of the role that fundamentalism has played in the United States since its beginning. The current organization called The Family was started in the 1930's as a reaction to labor unions, which reached the height of their power during the Great Depression. The bulk of the book illuminates the role that fundamentalist Christians have played in US history in the 20th century.
Here are my suspicions and beliefs that Sharlet corroborates in The Family:
1. Fundamentalist Christians have infiltrated the military.
2. Christianity is used as a unifying social force in order to maintain a complacent and content populace.
3. Christian leaders are held to a different set of rules than the rest of us. They are above the law.
4. Christianity's goal is consolidation of power, and assimilation of all peoples.
5. Fundamentalists want to dismantle secular, public education.
6. Fundamentalists want to dismantle unions, because they represent power outside of Christ.
7. Fundamentalists parade as populists, using abortion, unions, and gay rights as wedge issues. In reality, however, they are elitists. Working class fundamentalists gladly go along with this fiction. Why? Because it gives them membership in the larger movement.
Read the book. It's very important.
Days 1-3: Roswell, GA. This is where my sister, the author of Right Sides Together, lives. She's got a little garden, and grows a few of these, in addition to peppers, okra, and green beans:
Now, I know that my dear friends and family who live in California might disagree here, but there are no tomatoes that rival the ones grown in a Southern back yard. I had at least one tomato sandwich a day while I was there: white bread, either Colonial, Bunny, or Sunbeam, Duke's mayonnaise, peeled, sliced, tomatoes, and salt. The classic accompaniments are potato chips and iced tea. Some of us include the chips inside the sandwich, which some purists, I would imagine, frown upon.
Sunday at my sister's was rollicking fun. After errands with the niece, (13th birthday weekend) we settled in with a pitcher of margaritas by the pool. Brother-in-law and nephew were buzzing around, riding and maintaining bikes, while we girls did some serious relaxing. Eventually, having switched to wine - 2 white Bordeaux and our fave, François Chidaine Touraine Sauvignon Blanc, from the Loire, we made this red velvet cake for Darling Niece:
and, in its finished state: My sister does not believe in putting herself out over presentation! And, it was delicious.
Remembering that we were hungry, and had all these hungry people around us, we got down to dinner: I made a creamy, garlicky shrimp and pasta concoction to really accentuate the delight of the wine.
Large shrimp, parsley, lemon, garlic, chopped tomatoes, white wine, and heavy cream with linguine. Gilded the lily with Parmesan cheese. We also had corn on the cob. And, birthday cake. Wow.
I had a wonderful time with my sister and her family. They live so far away (or is it me who lives so far away?) that we don't get to do this very often. We watched Grey Gardens together, and played with the kids and pets, sat on the screen porch drinking wine and talking into the night. We went out to lunch, had pedicures, went to the grocery store, and talked about our aging parents. I was sad to leave on Monday morning, but I had to go and see Mom and Dad.
Days 4-6: Chattanooga (Hixson), Tennessee. Mom and Dad mostly go the the doctor these days. Mom still goes to choir practice and the Knitting Guild, and Dad likes to go to the grocery store and recycling center, but that's pretty much what they do. Dad's first request was for me to make some salsa, so I made him some Pico de Gallo with Mary's tomatoes and jalapeños, and Vidalia onions. He's one of those folks who think that cilantro tastes like soap, so I leave it out. Again, about those tomatoes, the juice that ran off them into the bottom of the bowl was a bright red that never happens with other tomatoes. It was an entirely different beast. The salsa was delicious. One of the places we ate was this BBQ stand: Chattanooga has so many places named "Choo Choo," it's not even funny. But the sandwich was great. Pulled pork with a vinegar sauce and coleslaw. We also had onion rings. If I hadn't been with Mom and Dad, I would have drunk a beer with it. It's a bit of a stretch for me to have wine at their table at dinner, much less lunch, so I refrained. Iced tea was the next best thing.
I went with Mom to the Knitting Guild meeting on Wednesday morning. Since I didn't have anything I was currently working on, she gave me a pattern for an afghan square. I keep forgetting how fun it is to knit! I also got to give her a fancy, lacy pattern scarf that I made back in the fall. Understand, I've been resisting knitting all my life. And now, finally, at 45, I'm becoming, not a pro like mom and sis, but a casual knitter. No pics here, unfortunately.
Days 7 & 8: Wandering around Tennessee: Through Facebook, I reconnected with my old college chum, Glenn Merchant, and I went to visit him and his family in Murfreesboro. On the way there, I stopped at Monteagle Winery:
I was sadly disappointed. Now, I didn't have much hope for the wine, as it's way too hot there, and the wine business is just too young there, but I expected them to at least be friendly!!!!! The woman was chilly to say the least, would only answer my questions with a yes or no, and poured a scant teaspoon of each wine into the glass. She may have done me a favor, however, as the finish from the muskedine wine tasted vile and chemical in my mouth as I drove away. They had a chardonnay variety that tasted more like a bad Muscat. Nothing I liked. But the least they could do is be friendly!
A much better, friendlier, and more fun stop was at the Jack Daniel's Distillery in Lynchburg:
This is our guide, Ron, sitting in front of the spring, the source of the water. I felt like I'd made it to the Promised Land!
This is an instance where, I think, a word says a thousand words!
As I said, the tour was great fun. They run them 7 days a week, they're free, last about an hour, and you learn enough about making whiskey, that, if you're like me, you would be sorely tempted to Try This At Home. Of course, the delightful irony here is that Lynchburg is in a dry county, and you can't have a sample, or buy it there. At the end of your tour they give you a glass of lemonade (best damn lemonade I've ever had!). Then, you bust it to the nearest wet county, and have a proper drink! Love the South!
I had a wonderful visit with my friend Glenn, and his family, going out to dinner, and driving around Murfreesboro at night with his son, and wife, Angela, in her cute new car, with the top down. We talked until everyone was yawning, and then parted ways. The next morning, I went to see my old drawing and printmaking professor, Christie Nuell, at MTSU. We had a marvelous visit, with Christie showing me the new facilities. Glenn and Christie are both very influential on my early artistic development, and I hadn't seen either of them for 25 years. Only after I left, did I realize how emotional it was for me.
Day 8, the evening, dinner with Annette and Greg. Annette and I have been friends since we were 12. Yes, 33 years, she and I have been friends. Unfortunately, her schedule didn't allow her to visit until Friday night, before I left on Saturday. We went to dinner at the Southern Star, in Chattanooga. I made the wonderful discovery that French Rosé and Southern food are meant for each other:
This is a Tavel, delicious, with a savory, minerally component. I had it with fried catfish, sweet potato fries, and cheese grits. Their tartar sauce had dill in it, and I can say it's the first I've ever really liked. Again, Southern food, grease, and rosé. Of course, Champagne would have been wonderful with the grits and fish, but the sweet potatoes really worked with Tavel.
And, finally, dessert:
Pecan pie. We devoured it.
And, then, Saturday was spent coming back home. Debby and Jackson picked me up, and it was wonderful to be reunited with both. I'm so happy to be back home! Sitting on the front porch in the dusk with Debby was bliss. And I smiled the whole time at the Farmer's marked this morning, even though the tomatoes aren't quite as magical. It's a small price to pay for living in paradise!
The next morning, the kids came back with the "good" news: The people at the wildlife center said that if the babies were returned within 48 hours, the parents would come back and save them. So, they took the box, and we put it on the roof, closer to the tree. Nothing. No crows. Silence. For about three days. After trying to climb the tree, kicking around crazy ideas about how to get the birds back into the nest, the kids next door gave up, and took them back. They would hand feed them, and return them to the wild when they could fly. "Great," I thought. "They're going to have some great pet crows."
After a couple of days, we got the sad news that one of the birds had disappeared. We were sure a cat had gotten them. There are dozens on the street. Then, when Debby took out the trash one day, sitting on the woodpile, was the missing baby, looking very chipper! For the past few days, there had been much crow noise, and we thought that they were scolding the kids next door. Turns out they were doing that, but also they were feeding and caring for the stranded baby who'd escaped. To make a long story short, the kids next door brought back their crow babies, who were significantly weaker and tamer than the one who'd escaped and been taken care of by its parents for four days.
Now it's been four or five more days, and the racket in the back is pretty much continuous in our crow nursery. Our black cat, Little, is beside himself. He goes out and just looks at them. The crow parents go crazy, and Little just sits, looking at the babies, hanging out. Then, the noise gets too much, and he comes into the house and yowls at us, until we let him out again, and he starts again with the crows. On Sunday morning, I was making coffee, when I heard a male voice, repeating something that I didn't understand until about the fourth repetition: "Shut up!" Wondering what in the hell was going on, I looked out to see one of the college kids, standing in front of the garage, a foot from the babies, looking up at the cawing crows, yelling at them to shut up. It was hilarious. When I poked my head out the back door to wish him good morning, he asked me how long the racket would continue. I guessed it would last until the babies learned to fly, and suggested earplugs. He relented and left.
So, we've got these baby crows, and a cat who loves them more than anything. We've got the biggest ruckus you can imagine, and get to watch the amazing parenting skills of the crows as they feed and protect their stranded young. It's really amazing. Crows will survive. They don't need our help.
I went to The Wine Country for a tasting of Burgundy: Domaine de Montille and Duex Montille. They are two winemakers who are a brother and sister. The brother makes reds, the sister whites. They were lovely. We had a total of 8 wines, and I bought 2. The red, 2006 Domaine de Montille Beaune Premier Cru "Les Perrieres", has a light, transparent ruby color, expansive nose with cherries and roses. It has a good amount of acid, very subtle oak, clear, intense cherry fruit, and will age well for 20+ years. It's delicate and graceful, but intense and powerful at the same time. This isn't a big dark, purple, inky wine. Those are lost on me. I'm thinking that this might be a retirement wine. The white, 2006 Duex-Montille Rully, is Chardonnay-based, its color a pale gold with a slight greenish tint around the edges. There was some sweetness on the nose, as well as some earthy funk. This wine, like many white Burgundies, is richer and fuller than the red. It has light oak, unobtrusive, with flavors of apple, lemon curd, a little cream, and citrus. It will age for at least 10 years. I'll see if I can keep it in my cellar that long.
After the tasting, as we were wandering around the store, the consensus among my wino buddies was that we needed to continue the evening. So, each of us (3) bought a bottle to take back to my house. The empties are shown below:
2008 Chateau Saint Pierre Rosé - Light salmon pink, chalky, mineral, dry with tart fruit. Very good start to the evening.
2006 Duex-Montille Rully - described above. A rich, round white Burgundy.
2007 Fritz Haag Riesling Kabinett. Pale straw in color, with petrol nose, flowers, citrus, and tart acid. Slightly sweet. Rich and Concentrated.
2006 Joh. Jos. Prum Auslese. Pale gold color, petrol again, on the nose with citrus, flowers, spice, and fruit. Sweet. The richest wine of the night. I pulled it out of the cellar when it was clear that we weren't finished after 3 bottles.
I served them with salami, garlic soft cheese, aged Gouda, and crackers. We had a great night, talking about wine, and immersing ourselves in pleasure.
The next morning, Debby and I had a brunch for some people she's working on a project with. We chose an easy menu: Bagels, lox, cream cheese, the garnishes, and scrambled eggs. Here are the two wines:
Left: Villa Granda Veneto Pinot Prosecco Rosa - Dry pink bubbles. Light and simple. Great with lox.
Right: NV Agrapart & Fils 7 Cru, Champagne. Blanc de blanc. Dry, lean, and mineral, with toast. Delicious.
But the day wasn't over! We had a family Seder, and I took two wines, which, unfortunately, I didn't photograph.
1. 2005 Clos du Val Chardonnay, Napa. This style of wine isn't what I like at all, but Debby has an aunt who likes it. She was very happy with it. It was rich and buttery, with pineapple and sweet wood. Too cloying for me, but lots of others seemed to like it.
2. 2006 François Chidaine Le Tuffeaux. Delicious. Off dry, with a pure, focused citrus edged fruit. There's something wild and rustic about it that I love.
3. My brother in law opened a California Chardonnay that surprised me: 2005 Justin. By no stretch of the imagination was it anywhere as good as the Chidaine, but I liked it better than the Clos du Val.
This morning (Sunday), the kids - Jesse, Raul, Louis and Viv, came over, and I made breakfast. We had French toast, bacon, juice, and J. Laurens N.V. Cremant de Limoux Blanc de Blanc. It's a sparkling wine that tastes fairly close to Champagne for about a third the price of a low end bottle. Toasty on the nose, clean fruit, fine mouse.
Now, it's early evening, and time to prepare myself for school. Spring break just ended.
My creative endeavor tonight was:
The vegetable at the top of the plate is purple cauliflower and new potatoes roasted with olive oil and garlic. When it was done, I tossed it with chopped fresh basil and crumbled bacon. Yum.
The meat at the bottom of the plate is a pork chop cooked with sauteed onions and garlic, with saffron.
The wine? Champagne, Baby! Agrapart & Fils N.V. Brut Blanc de Blancs Les 7 Crus. $34.00 at my local wine store.
This is a seriously delicious meal. The moral of the story? Pork and Champagne is a good thing. Also, yes, the economy sucks. Yes, Debby and I are tightening our belts. I, for one, am cutting my own hair, and painting my own fingernails. Because, Champagne is beautiful. And sometimes you have to choose your pleasures.
Bright and early, Vivi-dee stood by the bed, and informed me that the sun was awake. Indeed. So, this Groggy Grandma proceeded to spend the morning assising the making of Valentines:
This was extremely instructive, first of all. I sat there with this child who paints at preschool, and so, is an authority. But, what I saw was this fearlessness about experimentation. She pushed the media. She mixed colors, directed the compositions, and placed things intuitively on the paper. If you look closely at the compositions, they are very fresh. She used techniques that teachers try in vain to get older students to use, like layering of color, use of positive/negative space, activating the entire picture plane, etc. Of course, when she gets older, she'll most likely be like everyone else, and start worrying about doing it right, making mistakes, all the stuff that causes artist blocks. But for now, she's got absolute freedom. The moral of this story? Find a kid who hasn't been to Kindergarten yet, and make art with them. Watch them work. Learn from a master.
This week has been a rollercoaster. I feel like my relationship with my country is one of those dysfunctional ones discussed in an advice column. I'm angry about Rick Warren being given a plum spot in the inauguration. My feelings were smoothed out by interviews with V. Gene Robinson, the gay Episcopal bishop, who urged GLBT's to forgive Obama for his repugnant choice, and get back on the train. I set the DVR to record HBO's "We Are One" program at the Lincoln Memorial yesterday. I caught the tail end of the program on TV last night, and was so elevated by emotion, that I went out and did something I've never done before: I bought an American flag at Debby's request, and we put it up on the front of the house, in joy both at MLK day, and tomorrow's inauguration. Now, this. I get around to watching Gene Robinson's invocation at the beginning of the program, a big reason for my excitement about the whole thing, and it was left off the program. Robinson, the Gay Olive Branch, was left off the broadcast. The inauguration committee said the invocation was the "Pre Broadcast." This is bullshit.
Here's the link to the text of Robinson's invocation:
Now, in my anger, I want nothing to do with this inauguration. But I know how it will go. Obama will show up at my door, contrite and with flowers. He'll apologize, and promise it will never happen again. He'll take me out to dinner. He'll whisper sweet nothings. He'll convince my friends that he really will behave in the future. They'll tell me he's come around, and I'll believe them because I want to believe them. He'll get me to come back. And then, when I'm inconvenient or embarrassing, he'll throw me back under the bus. And it will happen again and again, because dysfunctional though my relationship with him is, he's better than anything I had before.
After this 3 week interlude, we then have 3 more weeks in the fall semester, which ends the first of February. Then, the spring semester runs until the 3rd week of June, with only Spring Vacation and the occasional 3 day weekend interrupting the flow. You would think that this would make for some great uninterrupted instruction, but the reality is that spring is Testing Season. High Stakes testing will completely disrupt classes until the end of May, at which time there will only be about 3 weeks left in the school year.
So, that's my day job. It's important for me to remember that it is simply my day job, which gives me time to make art, and happens to be one of the rare steady paychecks for artists in this culture. And, I'm very aware that, in this economy, it's not only artists who have a hard time hanging on to a job. I'm damn lucky, and I know it.
This year, I made lots of art, and grew a lot. I only participated in 2 group shows, but got one award and a positive review in the Long Beach Press Telegram. I've been percolating an idea for an installation, and will pitch it around to different venues around town.
I've developed a sometimes all-consuming interest in wine in the past year. I've become a regular at a great wine store here in the LB area. Wine is like art. Drinking good stuff is, for me, like looking at a work of art. I can understand the structure of the two things in the same ways, and the beauty of them is compelling for me. Fortunately, for my health, my compulsion to make art, and my modest financial status keep me from going too overboard here.
In 2009, the area of my life that I need to address the most seriously is my health. I've put on a lot of weight in the past 3 years, after having been pretty thin for the first time in my life, between about 2002 and 2005. This is a lifetime struggle for me. I've talked about it before. It's just something I have to deal with.
So, in the last week of my 3 week winter vacation, I'm putting my head together for teaching art history to a great group of kids. I'm taking them to MOCA on the 15th of this month to see the Louise Bourgeois show. It should be a good trip. Once in awhile, as a teacher, you get a class that you just - like. This one is composed of kids who are difficult, strong-willed, physical, intelligent, and clever. And we had a great time at the Getty Center back in October. It was also one of the most tiring trips I've done, because they would not be herded around by a docent. They wanted to look at the art, they wanted to explore the garden, they wanted to come find me and talk to me about what they saw, they wanted to go off and see what other things were in the galleries, and most of all, they wanted more time than we had on that one day. So, this time I'm taking them to a much smaller place with a more focused current exhibition. (But, damn, like Christopher Knight recently commented, it would be wonderful if they also had room for the permanent collection to be on display too!)
I've got 4 months to teach these kids Romanesque, Gothic, Baroque, Enlightenment, Romanticism, Modernism, 20th century, and Post Modernism, before they get tested on 20,000 years of art history for the Advanced Placement exam. What have I taught them so far? Prehistory, Mesopotamia, Egypt, Greece, Rome, Byzantium, Buddhism, Hinduism, India, Japan, China, and how to write an analytical essay on art. I've taught them that museums are wonderful places to go, and that a painting can be more seductive than anything they've ever seen before (actually Titian @ the Getty did that for me). Did I mention that this is actually just my day job? Oh, well. Damn lucky to have an interesting, satisfying, soul-feeding day job.
Debby and I have had a momentous year. We got married. Our middle kid moved back to the LA area after living in the South for several years, I think 6 or 7. Our youngest kid is doing very well in school. He's a sophomore at Humboldt State, up in NorCal, and is thriving up there. Our oldest kid and her husband are dealing with a sick older child and 2 toddlers. They work hard. We help as much as we can.
I have lots of hopes and fears for 2009. I fear the economy will get worse. I fear civil rights will be eroded even more by religion that they were this year. I fear that my (day) job will continue to get more and more difficult as public schools are stretched thinner and thinner, while being mandated to achieve more and more. I fear that Obama will turn out to be just like all the rest of the Presidents we've had.
But, humanity will keep on. I'm a small speck in a big world, and that can actually be liberating. And there's always art.


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DFC Brings Christmas Holiday Spirit to Hoc Mon Unfortunate Children -Dec 23, 2007
(Based on Quy Huong & Quy Lam's article "Mang Giang Sinh Cho Tre Thieu May Man" published at http://www.sggp.org.vn/SGGP12h/2007/12/137120/.
Donate For Children (DFC) was unaware of its visits were being monitored by the Vietnamese Government. However, the article has indicated the Vietnamese Government's acknowledgement of DFC's humanitarian and charitable activities).
On morning Dec. 23, more than 70 children at HCM City Vocational Training Center for Orphaned and Disabled Children were excitedly awaiting. They had been informed that Santa would join them to celebrate Noel 2007 with lot of Xmas gifts.
At exactly 9am, the gate bell rang, not did Santa show up, but there were more than a dozen volunteers from Donate For Chidren (DFC) arrived. They brought with them lots of gifts and food, including a full truck of rice, noodle, salt, sugar, and cooking oil for the center.
Nguyen Van Ut, sitting and observing from his wheel chair, opened up a big smile, "This is the second time in my life I could find some happiness during the Noel Holidays. I have been admitted into this training center for over a year now. Last year, DFC volunteers did come and celebrated Noel with us and gave us lots of gifts including toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo, notebooks, pens and pencils, ... that lasted almost a year..."
Ut's hometown is Kien Giang. He has 9 brothers and sisters. Ut was born with both legs shrunk and unable to walk. Ut thought he would never have the opportunity to leave his hometown. Fortunately, he was introduced into this vocational training center and is now pursuing a career in making wood art. He has mastered the skills after a year and is now able to make living on his own. Ut was very sincered, "I am old enough to know Santa is unreal, but our instructors and our good friends like DFC volunteers always concern about us have kept us to continue believe in that holiday spirit."
The Special Noel Gifts
Similarly, Nguyen Thi Le Tuyen, who's with both legs disabled, was also very happy because she was one of the nine children on that day each receiving a brand-new pair of crutches in stainless steel. Being born disabled in a poor family, Tuyen wished there would be a miracle that could heal her legs overnight so she could walk and run like others.
Getting older, Tuyen's wishes became more realistic, she dreamed to have a light-weight, decent-looking pair of crutches to walk. Since her admission to this training center, she had been loaned a wheelchair. But today, she was actually given a brand-new, shinny pair of crutches among eight others. DFC volunteers told her and the others that the crutches were donated by Nathan Chu and Dean Do, both are R & D managers at a Nokia division located in Mountain View, California, USA. Tuyen was holding the pair of crutches passed to her by a DFC volunteer. She could not hold her emotion, she cried happily and thankfully.
Besides the special gifts above, Donate For Children, Inc. also donated to the center 1,000kg of rice, 100kg of salt, 100kg sugar, 50kg of sweeten-cooking powder. There were also more than 100 gift bags filled with toiletries and school supplies for each student, and meals were provided to everyone at the center during lunch time. Tran Phuoc Loc, Regional Manager of DFC in HCM City, told us, "These gifts are not dolls, chocolate, nor party cakes, but we believe they are the very realistic Noel gifts that would warm our young friends here during this holiday season. Our gifts content our wishes to everyone for a happy Christmas and prosperous New Year."
Tax-deductible Donations
Credit Cards / Paypal
Checks / Money Orders
Dried or Canned Food
Used Children Clothing
Used Medical Equipment
Used PCs / Laptops
Used Cars / Bicycles
Used Children Toys
Sponsor a Child
Sponsor a Group


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Presenter: Phil Dierking
Webinar Description:
In order to have a successful learning experience, it is essential that all students feel their classroom is a safe place where they will be treated equally. Unfortunately, research has shown how very often there is a disparity between the experiences of male and female students in the classroom, which can have disastrous effects. Luckily, there is a strong link between practices that promote equality between male and female students, and general good classroom management. This webinar will explore techniques that will help you organize and facilitate a class in a way that is equitable for all your students. Participants will learn strategies and have an opportunity to apply them to case studies. While the focus is on gender equity in the classroom, the techniques discussed can be used to create a learning environment that is inclusive of all student demographics.
Presenter Bio:
Philip began his career as an English teacher in France, and has since gone on to teach and train teachers in Djibouti, Togo, Benin, Equatorial Guinea, and the United States. His interests include pedagogical issues in under-resourced classroom environments, including teaching to large classes and gender quality in the classroom. Originally hailing from Juneau, Alaska, Philip holds an MA in TESOL from the University of Washington.
Don't forget to bring your passport or driver's license.


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Experience Servite
The only way to truly appreciate the Servite difference is to experience it.
Open House
Our "Discover Servite" Open House is the best way to experience Servite High School. You will have the opportunity to tour the campus and talk one-on-one with students, teachers, coaches and administrators. You will hear from our president and principal about the exciting plans for Servite's future, and you will get the opportunity to explore the countless opportunities for involvement.
This year's Open House is on Sunday, November 3 from 12:00 PM - 2:30 PM.
Admissions Athletic Open House
All 6th, 7th and 8th grade students interested in participating in sports at Servite High School are welcome to attend our Athletic Open House on Monday, October 14, 2019 at 7:00 PM in the Servite Gym with theirs parents. We will provide an introduction to our 13 CIF Sports, athletic programs sports teams, coaches and staff.
You will have an opportunity to meet the Strength and Conditioning Coach, our athletic training staff and learn how their programs assist our athletes You will be able to take an athletic facilities tour, including the new Aquatics Center that was opened July 2017 and the Dr. Ben Ruben Athletic Facility opened October 2018!
Shadow Days
Sign up for a Shadow Day to experience a day in the life of a Friar. Shadow Days consist of "shadowing" a current Servite student for a day: attending classes with him, hanging out during break, eating lunch from the popular Servite Fresh Kitchen, and much more!
Campus Tour
We offer Campus Tours on an individually-scheduled basis. While these tours are not able to offer as much personal contact with varied members of the campus community as our Open House, they provide students and families with an opportunity to spend an hour with a member of our Admissions Team on a personalized tour of the campus. To schedule your campus tour, contact the Admissions Office at firstname.lastname@example.com. Campus tours are also offered to all parents on Shadow Days beginning at 9:00 AM.
School & Community Visits
The Admissions Team makes an attempt to visit as many grade schools in the surrounding area as possible. We also attend a variety of other High School Nights and community or parish events. To find out what events are taking place in your area, see our Admissions Calendar. If you would like a member of the Admissions Team to attend an event that you are planning, please email the admissions office at email@example.com.
Current Parents, Students, & Alumni
Our most informative "materials" are not our pamphlets or handouts, but rather the thousands of parents, students, and alumni all over Southern California and the rest of the country, who would love the opportunity to share with you their own Servite experience. To get connected with current parents or alumni in your area, contact the Admissions Office at firstname.lastname@example.com.


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Why I Love Lilly Singh
If you're a Youtube connaisseur like me, you probably already know and love the hilarious Youtube personality, Lilly Singh. And if you're even more like me, you want her to be your best friend forever.
What's that you say? Yes you, all the way in the back! You don't know who Lilly Singh is? Gassssssp! *grabs chest and falls to the ground*
In case you haven't heard of this bawse (more on that word later), please allow me to introduce you to this wonderful unicorn.
This is Lilly Singh:
*faints* I know, I know, she's an absolute vision. Beyond that, she's an activist, comedian, writer, actress, and Youtube personality. I first discovered Lilly's main channel iiSuperwomanii five years ago and instantly felt a connection with her. She's incredibly relatable, hilarious, open, creative, and inspiring. The name 'Superwoman' fits her beautifully. And she loves popcorn, so I knew we were spiritually connected from the start. I'm not addicted, you are!
I've only grown to appreciate her more and more throughout the years for several reasons, three of which I want to share with you today.
For years Lilly has been a positive light in my life with her upbeat personality and encouraging videos. With her Girl Love campaign, she's promoted support and uplift between girls all around the world. Singh created the hashtag #GirlLove to address and prompt other girls to end girl-on-girl hate. The movement fights against girls tearing down other girls, and instead promotes unity and elevation of others. Check out this amazing video of hers featuring other inspirational women (many you'll recognize) who are advocates for Girl Love here.
Furthermore, she's been able to provide access to education for girls in Kenya with the employment of Rafiki bracelets that the girls made themselves. I proudly wear mine almost every day.
Being Open and Honest
Let me tell you this. Lilly has progressively become more and more open with her audience about her life experiences, relationships with others, and her journey in general. Of course she hasn't shared EVERYTHING with everyone, as that would be unhealthy, but she's invited us all into her life on multiple occasions. Whether it be from her past experiences with depression, what she's learned from her relationships, or her personal self-image, Superwoman has been transparent in many ways. It takes a lot of courage to be honest with yourself in general, and the fact that she's opened herself up to be honest with her audience is very admirable.
How To Be A Bawse
Remember when I mentioned Lilly being a bawse up above? Here's what I meant by that. The exact definition of a bawse, as described on her official book website, is: "a person who exudes confidence, reaches goals, gets hurt efficiently, and smiles genuinely because they've fought through it all and made it out the other side". Pretty awesome right? A bawse is basically a 'boss' but a million times better, in that they are proactive in all aspects of their lives. Lilly gives an even better, witty definition in this video.
I'm ⅔ of the way through with this masterpiece, and I don't want it to end. The book is so real and personal. It's made me think about my life in ways I hadn't before, in terms and examples that feel unique and familiar at the same time. I love that she's created this incredible guide based off of an amalgamation of experiences and real advice. I've said it twice and I'll say it again, she keeps it real.
In summary, she's revolutionary. If you watch her videos and/or read her book (I recommend both), not only will you fall in love with her personality, but also her work ethic and growth mindset. She's all about productivity and doing things to the best of your ability. I think we could all use that motivation and inspiration from time to time.
To Lilly, if you ever see this: I want you to know that you've helped me become a better person, friend, and sister. By watching your vlogs, reading your book, and following your journey for the past couple of years, I've developed greater confidence in myself and a greater understanding about the world. I appreciate your refreshing honesty and your hustle-harder mentality. Thank you for your existence and impact. As mentioned before, I think we should be best friends. I can see us going to the most delicious vegetarian spots together, and having casual conversations about changing the world. I'll bring the popcorn!


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Sandra Bullock Loves being Evil in, Minions/
Sandra Bullock is tired of always being thought of as sweet and nice. As a matter of fact, she can be an outright bitch (her words, not mine) and she proves it with her latest role in, Minions. She voices the villain Scarlet Overkill in the film spun off from the Despicable Me franchise. This is the also the first time Bullock has provided a voice for an animated movie, an experience she says that took a little getting used to.
Minions tells the origin of the little yellow creatures, who have "historically hurt their beloved evil masters throughout history," being part of the end of everyone (and everything) from the Tyrannosaurus rex to Genghis Khan and Napoleon. They go underground for years, but then three Minions, Kevin, Stuart and Bob, go above once more to find a new evil leader. It's the 1960s, and Scarlet Overkill is the baddie of choice, paired with her villainous husband Herb Overkill (Jon Hamm).
Scarlet is one of those fabulous animated villains who according to Bullock was hard to pass on. Minions producer Chris Meledandri, who is also head of the animation studio Illumination Entertainment, sums her up to USA Today, "Scarlet Overkill has fantastic hair, wears great clothes and has a lethal uppercut. When we turn her loose on the world, she is going to come out standing on top. … Scarlet has all the gadgetry and accouterments of villainy. This is a side to Sandra Bullock we haven't seen before. She is really enjoying playing with this villainy. But underneath there's a character you cannot help but fall in love with."
She is excited for her young son Louis to see the film, but he doesn't quite grasp that his mom is lending her voice to the character. He just loves the Minions and that is pretty much all that matters right now. And what does Bullock love most about the Minions? The Academy Award winning actress says it's quite simple, "What I love about the Minions is that you can't really understand them, but you absolutely feel what they're saying. They emote with so much emotion that the language barrier doesn't exist."
I had the opportunity to chat with the always wonderful Sandra Bullock in London, England about how she got into the mindset of playing such an evil character especially being labeled as America's Sweetheart, what she thought of the voice over process and how her young son Louis feels about her being an animated character.
Minions opens in theaters beginning on July 10, 2015.


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On Sale
Joy Dravecky The Glory Charm Choker in GoldJoy Dravecky
The Lady Gold Charm Necklace is gonna be your new everyday necklace. It features an elegant rounded link chain, a seriously cool round charm with an etched starburst and the image of Mother Mary in the middle, and a classic lobster clasp closure.
- Unique circle charm featured on dainty cable chain necklace.
- Finished at 15 inches


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My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me the most abstruse cryptogram, or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own atmosphere. I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation. That is why I have chosen my own path, for I am the only one in the world.
This has been one of my favorite quotes (slightly modified by me). And it's from Arthur Conan Doyle.


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Experienced Part-Time Stylist Wanted (now closed)/
Trimmers Hairdressers is looking for an experienced and confident Hairdresser to join our team to fill a part-time Stylist role.
The position is part-time (20-25 hours a week to be confirmed) and will cover a full day on a Saturday, as well as Fridays and an additional weekday to be decided.
Candidates must have an NVQ Level 2 in both Colour and Cutting, experience with both Male and Female clients. Applying hair colour with confidence and advising your client on what looks will suit them and will be trade-tested, prior to any formal job offer being issued.
We offer a clear and generous commission structure and will also guarantee a basic salary to all of our team. We encourage all of our stylists to build their regular clients quickly. An increase in regular clients will result in an increase in your monthly income.
We offer professionalism and stability in a fun environment- having been well established for almost 30 years, but most importantly, passion. Maintaining our love for the industry, working with the very best products and companies. As well as developing all of our Hairdressers continuously this has built us a loyal clientèle and a successful salon.
This position brings regular hours, a fantastic team and a happy and vibrant working environment.
To apply for this exciting opportunity please contact Samantha with a brief cover letter and an up to date copy of your C.V either at the salon or via email: firstname.lastname@example.com


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There's been some progress on our garden boxes! Earlier in the week, we mulched between the garden boxes with a truckload of mulch. Then, this morning, we mixed up some more of our special soil mix: peat moss, rice hulls, and compost and got the boxes all filled. Then, it was time to lay the grid. The grid is what gives "square foot gardening" its name. It breaks the box down into squares and gets you to thinking in terms of boxes rather than rows. Of course, there's a whole book on this subject, so I'll spare you all the theory behind the grid. If you're interested, check out our link to the Square Foot Gardening book and other similar titles on our Homesteading Resources tab.
I priced wood lattice pieces at good 'ole Home Depot but decided that it would be cheaper to go another route. We waited until JCPenney put their 2" faux wood blinds on 50% off, then ordered 2 sets of 52"x64" white blinds. This gave us all the slats we needed to make grids for 5 4'x8' boxes (with 3 slats leftover).
First, we disassembled the wood blinds. Then, laid them out and used tack nails to hold them in place.
For the long pieces, we joined two pieces together using zip-ties and the holes that were already in the blind slats.
Here's a completed box.
And, the garden boxes all complete. Now, we can go plant our spinach!


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Self Tie Apron Linen Blend Dress
Yasmin Raquel's dress is made from Turkish linen and cotton-blend that's brushed for an incredibly soft handle. It's patterned with black and white checks, featuring a side split for easy movement. Wear yours with a leather jacket and sneakers for a more casual take.
- 50% Linen, 33% Cotton, 17% Lycell
- Dry clean only
- Made in Australia
- Fits true to size, take your normal size
- Model is a size AU 8/ US 4 and 178cm/ 5'9" tall. She is wearing a size AU S


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Montine is my dear friend, and I met Marco on their second date. It had been a sometimes long distance, even transcontinental relationship, but when they went all in, they became an amazing team. When Marco proposed in his adorable … Continue reading
This extraordinarily handsome couple from the Hamptons brought me a special treat of gorgeous for my eyes. Set at the Moonstone Manor in Elizabethtown, (the most amazing wedding venue around), Jill paid attention to the details with remarkable and perfect … Continue reading
Much love to these guys, and how much fun, laughter, sincerity, and warmth I feel whenever we get to hang out. To many years of just that in their lives. That is my wish for them. They are surrounded by … Continue reading
I was in my English classroom at McCaskey on 9/11. We were annexed to a local building for construction on our high school at the time, and we had no access to cable television. We had radio. All my lessons … Continue reading
Yoga is beautiful. The precious peaceful energy that emanates from these lovelies is powerful and soft at the same time. Meet Lauren, Tracy & Annee from Sonic Yoga in NYC. Their Sonic Liquid Retreat at Gurney's Resort & Spa in … Continue reading
A month from today will mark the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Ten years ago, Americans awoke to a beautiful September day. It was a breezy, beautiful, sunny day, the kind that makes us happy to be alive. And before the … Continue reading
Back in NYC this weekend to shoot one of my favorite couples in the world. All it took was a quick walk around Chelsea to capture what a sweet, fun, and crazy-in-love couple these guys are. I feel honored and … Continue reading


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I catered a party last year for a client whose father was turning 80 and he requested a menu with several small bites and to include some Scandinavian dishes since his father is from that country and many of his friends that were coming to the party were from that region as well. I said sure, no problem and of course, searched the internet for foods that people enjoy from the Scandinavian Peninsula. Other items that were on the menu were Swedish meatballs, a classic dish I serve all the time and Toast Skagen, both are fabulous dishes and people raved over the Toast Skagen, that recipe is on this post: http://recipeforaparty.com/463
Anyway, I searched for salads and vegetables that were popular as well since I wanted to mix in a light item to the menu. I came up with this potato salad recipe that has items from many Swedish vegetable dishes and it came out delicious or as Swedes would say "utsokt" and was a hit, I served it in small glasses to keep the theme of the "small bites" menu.
1 ½ pounds of Baby Yukon gold potatoes, unpeeled
3 Celery stalks, sliced
2 tablespoons chopped Italian flat leaf parsley
½ medium Red onion, chopped
1 ½ cup of cooked, peeled beets, chopped
6 oz. of crumbled Goat cheese
½ cup roughly chopped candied walnuts
2 tablespoons chopped chives
Mustard Dill Vinaigrette
½ cup extra virgin olive oil
1 Tablespoon Dijon mustard
2 Tablespoons Honey
2 Shallots, halved
1 garlic clove
3 Tablespoons Champagne vinegar
1 tablespoon fresh chopped dill
Kosher salt and course black pepper to taste
Put all the ingredients into a blender except the dill, blend well and stir in the dill and adjust
the flavor with salt and pepper
Instructions for potato salad
In a 6 quart pot with salted water, boil the potatoes for about 15 minutes until just tender with a knife, drain and set aside to cool. Cut the potatoes into small cubes and put into a large bowl
Put the beets in a small bowl and add two tablespoons of vinaigrette; toss well and set aside.
Add the remainder of the vinaigrette to the potatoes along with the celery, parsley and toss well.
At this point, refrigerate the potato salad and the beets separately for at least 2 hours.
To serve, toss the potatoes well and pour into serving bowl, sprinkle the beets on top (unless you want a pink salad, don't toss them in the salad) sprinkle the goat cheese on top of the beets, followed by the walnuts and the chives. Serves 6


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Well, looks like I need to start a new blog. I've spent a lot of time diving deep into the functionality of the internet, user experience, and what makes a website, shop or blog successful.
I keep uncovering these absolute gems: blog posts and articles that are super helpful and full of information that is useful to me in my daily work for my clients....
It feels criminal to keep this info all to myself, so I will begin reposting them here, and organize them by topic for your ease of use.
- Benny


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Join Public Services Librarian Lisa Sprague for a discussion of The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper.
On the Midwinter Day that is his eleventh birthday, Will Stanton discovers a special gift -- that he is the last of the Old Ones, immortals dedicated to keeping the world from domination by the forces of evil, the Dark. At once, he is plunged into a quest for the six magical Signs that will one day aid the Old Ones in the final battle between the Dark and the Light. And for the twelve days of Christmas, while the Dark is rising, life for Will is full of wonder, terror, and delight.


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I must admit this story made me cry, but what courage was displayed by this sister SUBHANALLAH!!!!!
My Journey Back to Hijab
My hijab story is more like a secret diary that no one should ever read. It is filled with horrible facts about me and points out my weaknesses and mistakes. You will not find butterflies and rainbows in this story. Rather, my journey to hijab is filled with fear, negativity and regret. So I warn you all: read with caution.
The most important thing you should know is that I used to wear hijab, but eventually took it off. I hate saying it, admitting to the world that I was one of those ignorant girls who went backwards after putting on the hijab, instead of moving forward with my deen. But it's what I did and I can't change it.
I first put on the hijab due to an extreme iman rush after an Islamic conference and pressure I felt from my community members, because, Mashallah, almost all the girls I knew already wore hijab and were so religious. I always felt like an outcast not wearing it, so I decided to just do it.
After putting on the scarf, however, I was extremely self-cautious. I would feel fine wearing it when I was around my religious friends, but, when I was with other 'normal' people, I was ashamed. I tried to cover, while still blending in: wearing hoods and hats to cover my hair, instead of proper hijab. I didn't understand that 'hijab' was true modesty, not only in dressing but actions as well. I treated the hijab simply as a cloth on my head. I regretted the day I decided to wear the hijab and every bone in my body screamed at me to take it off, but I was afraid of what people would think of me. So I continued my self-loathing and wore the scarf. I felt horrible because I knew I wasn't getting reward from Allah (swt). After all, I only kept on my hijab from fear of people's judgment, rather than fulfilling the command of my Lord.
The regret continued and became stronger each day. I woke up miserable knowing I had to put on my hijab. I hated going out, especially with my husband, because I felt that every other girl looked beautiful to him except me. His consolation only made it worse. I didn't believe him when he said I looked beautiful because I felt ugly, inside and out. I was always irritated and fighting with everyone around me.
After two years of my ongoing battle with the hijab, my nafs finally won, leaving my iman scattered to pieces. I shed the command of my Judge.I couldn't handle it anymore. But taking off my scarf didn't give me the relief I was looking for. I still had regret. Sure, I was happier sometimes because I got to make my hair, but I felt really bad and disappointed in myself. This time, when I was around my religious friends, I felt ashamed. I felt like I was less than them. I knew I wasn't happy before, but at least I was following Allah's (swt) command. Now, I still had regret and I was disobeying. It was a lose-lose situation.
I tried to console myself whenever the regret kicked in, telling myself that at least I was a good person that prayed, fasted and dressed modestly. But I always knew in the back of my mind that I was disobeying Allah (swt), every second of everyday that I was in front of non-mahrams. My biggest fear was dying without wearing the hijab.
A year and half after taking off the hijab, I went to Hajj with my husband, Alhamdulillah. It was quite the experience, but I did not cover when I came back home. Subhanallah! Now the guilt was doubled. Everyone was calling me Hajji, but I felt like a big fraud, a failure. While I was discussing hajj with a few people, someone said, "A sign that your hajj has been accepted is if you change after completing it."
I immediately felt foolish. I knew I hadn't changed all that much even though my reoccurring dua at Hajj was that I wear the hijab. This slowly brought about the change that I needed. At that point, I knew I had to wear hijab again. I had to make a difference in my life and gain Allah's (swt) love.
I thought about putting on the hijab everyday after that. Every morning I would wake up and say to myself, "Today is the day…" but it never was. I walked around everyday with a smile on my face, even though I was constantly in battle with my nafs.
Why am I so weak? How come everyone I know can wear it, but me? How is it possible that everyone just loves hijab and I despise wearing it?
I realized that I didn't simply hate the hijab, I was afraid of it, afraid of what it could turn me into: a self-loathing, low self-esteem introverted human being. I felt like my iman was so much higher when I wasn't wearing hijab than when I was. The fear of wearing hijab was so strong, that even truly wanting to wear it wasn't enough to make me put it on.
I tired to increase my iman as much as I could, so that I would have the courage to cover myself, as my Lord has prescribed. My sister-in-law visited me from Atlanta and took that opportunity to speak to me about death and the last days. She told me that she used to be afraid of death because, like me, she didn't want to die hijab-less. Once she put on the hijab however, she said that her fear of dying had decreased immensely. She helped me realize that my fear of hijab was miniscule compared to my fear of the Day of Judgment, when I would be asked about my deeds.
What would I say when I was questioned about the hijab? I didn't want to look ugly? I feel like inadequate saying it to myself, so how could I possibly say that to my Creator?
In hopes of continuing to increase my iman, I listened to the Hereafter Series, by Imam Al-Awlaki. Something he said really hit a nerve with me, Alhamdulillah. He said that the Day of Judgment is 50,000 years long and that is not even including the rest of the akhira, just that ONE day. Meanwhile, we live on this earth for maybe 100 years, if we are blessed with a very long life. And on the Day of Judgment these 100 years will seem like they were 15 minutes long, if that. Will it be worth it, at that point, that I got to show my hair off to strangers and feel 'pretty' for 15 minutes? Of course not!
My fear of hijab was slowly starting to diminish, with the help of Allah (swt). Soon after, I was truly inspired by a close friend of mine who decided to wear the hijab. I was so happy to see her at my door, proudly wearing her white and black hijab. I was so shocked and a part of me, a huge part, felt guilty, because there she was covered and modest, meanwhile I did not even wear hijab. My shock was not due to her lack of iman or anything; she is Mashallah a very good Muslim. Rather, it was because of her family, who was very against hijab. But against all odds and by the will of Allah (swt), she chose to wear the hijab anyway. She put Allah's (swt) command first, disregarding what her own family would think and how they would react. I was overwhelmed by her strength, proud of her courage and jealous of her commitment and iman. She truly inspired me and made me feel the guilt of disobeying Allah's (swt) command without saying a single word.
That was the last straw. Alhamdulillah, I decided to wear the hijab a few days later. This time I felt so strong and ready to face the challenges that would confront me. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I certainly wasn't looking forward to the hard times, but I knew that earning Allah's (swt) wrath just to show off my hair was not only foolish, but also utterly insane. It has been three months since I put on the hijab and inshallah I plan to keep it on. Wearing the hijab is not just a once in a lifetime decision. It is a choice you make everyday, every time you step out of your house or meet a non-mahram. By the will of Allah (swt), I hope to make the right choice everyday, for the rest of my life, and look forward to reap the benefits in the akhira.


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This is my attempt for the theme of Ripple for Illustration Friday and it is also an entry for 52 Designs. A little late in the week for my tastes but it is here. A little different too, which I like.
My husband and I took a four day weekend this week to celebrate our anniversary. Nothing was planned, just went with the flow and relaxed. Woke up when we wanted to, ate out way too much, saw The A-Team (much better than I thought it would be), good stuff and more good stuff. Of course the weather was beautiful until we took our time off, cloudiness galore outside. Didn't matter to us, we celebrated hard anyhow. Thank you for the happy anniversary wishes, our marriage turned two! ;)
Bonus news: I LOVE IKEA and there won't be one built here in Colorado until next year. I hope it doesn't get pushed back again. But my friend let me know that since it is being built here, we can order online now! We couldn't before. Oh happy day!
P.S. Hannah - thank you! feel free to send me an email, my address is on my "about" page.


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Security guard is a responsible position but along lots of responsibilities, the guard can enjoy lots of privileges also. Lots of rules and regulations are designed for the security guards to follow during his job. A skilled and well trained security guard has great demand in the market therefore it is important to get all important licenses and trainings. You have to pass Security guard courses offered by lots of accredited institutions. Lots of activities and events occurred during the shift of security guard therefore the security guard should have ability to log the detail report for the convenience of next security guard.
Tips to Join Security Industry
If you want to become a security guard, you should check the basic requirements of your state because each state has its own rules and regulations regarding the jobs of security personnel. Following are some tips that will surely help you to become security guard:
- Find the specific rules and procedures of your state to get the security guard license. Check the website of state police or website of government agency to know about the security licenses. You should take part in the security guard courses to become a skilled security officer.
- Search for local community colleges or institutions within your state to know about available training courses to become security officer. Selection of right institute is important so check the registration of the institution before taking admission.
- You have to learn different skills like how to check the suspect and how to arrest him. You should be able to identify rights of property owners. In the institution, you will be taught to handle different emergency situations by teaching right skills. Security guard courses are often required by different states to gauge the authenticity of a candidate.
- Drug test and criminal background check is important so take it on first step. Clean drug test and background check of the application is an essential requirement for the applicant. In most of the cases, employers require to pass these tests to check the immediate condition of candidate.
- Complete weapons training is important for those who want to become armed security guard. This type of license is only important for special police force in some states.
- Crime prevention and evidence handling classes are offered by local institutions of each state, but you have to learn up to date laws and procedures.


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"I can do more for the country by not being a Cabinet official"!
Wow! And I mean another, "HUWAW"!!!
It is not every day that we will hear such statements, but yes we did! This is the exact pronouncement of Mr Tony Meloto, one of the founders of Gawad Kalinga. You see, he was offered a Cabinet post by our new President and he declined it exactly for the very reason stated above. He can do more for his country without getting a public post. Sorry, but I have to say another "WOW!!!!" to that!!!
This is in total contrast to what we always hear from our politicians. When ask why they are running for public posts, they will always exclaim that it is so that they can help the poor. I always thought that this is farce and with these kind of statements alone, I find myself rooting for them to lose. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
Sigh... If only Pacman, and all other individuals who are already considered movers of the society can have the same state of mind, surely they will make wonders for the country. The new President himself is in that position already, given the resources that he and his family already have. But no, because in the context of Philippine politics, the child should inherit his parents political position. In this case he gave more weight to the Philippines natural political tradition : Trapoism.
This now makes me ask, Are these guys really becoming more helpful by merely taking in public posts? I tried to look for any studies regarding this but did not find one.
I tend to believe however that Mr Meloto is spot on correct on his decision. And because he declined the post and ultimately did not give in to temptation of having almost an absolute power in our society, I find him to be one of the most honorable Filipino we have in the country. Mabuhay ka Ginoong Meloto! Sana ay dumami pa ang kagaya mo!


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People magazine have named 'True Blood' hunk Joe Manganiello the Hottest Bachelor of 2014.
The 'True Blood' hunk triumphed over the likes of Jared Leto, Liam Hemsworth, Sam Smith and Britain's Prince Harry to take the publication's title, and in an accompanying interview he admitted he is "at his best" when not single.
He said: "I'm at my best when I have someone to wake up next to."
The 37-year-old actor credits his Italian background for his "passionate" nature.
He said: "I am part Sicilian. I am passionate. I am a hot-blooded person. If you don't like spicy, then maybe I'm not for you."
And the 'Magic Mike' star believes it takes time to properly fall in love.
He explained: "I think the crazy love that you fall into in the beginning turns into 'like' and 'need.' Chris Rock told me that!
"He's like, 'Kid, you wanna get married? Listen, there's love, and you can feel love the first night, but that's not what it is. It's, 'I like you and I need you.' "
Joe also admitted he loves playing a werewolf on 'True Blood' because he is so attracted to the smell of a woman.
He said: "I'm big into smell. It's funny I got cast as a werewolf. There's something about the smell on that part of a woman's neck where it meets the jaw, ahhhh! It's heaven."


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Once again ACE, Anacortes Community Energy will decorate a camp site and be part of the Wonderland Walk at Washington Park on December 8th & 9th from 5:00 – 8:00 pm. We'll have free stuff to hand out to all who visit us!
Back to All Events
Later Event: May 31Public Works Open House


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Interviews with kids and teens about their acts of courage
Jaden sits down with young people and asks What does courage mean to you? and Can you tell me about a time that you had to summon courage?
I will be talking to to kids and interviewing them about what courage means to them and how they have had to use courage. When I am not working on Random Acts of Courage, I run cross country and track as well as participate in junior lifeguards. I also make YouTube videos for fun and I am obsessed with Survivor! I can't wait for all of you to read my blogs and see my new "Kid's Courage" series!
About Kid's Courage
Very often, courage is only thought of as those huge media driven events but young people are called upon to stand up for what they believe in, sometimes even on a daily basis. For a kid, this can take you far outside your comfort zone. Sometimes this can also be the opposite of what the popular opinion might be, but it is important for young people to recognize what they stand for and also what they will not stand for.
Stepping up for someone else, being kind to others, showing tolerance in an intolerant world, caring about our planet and being willing to put action behind words and ideas…that is what makes a real everyday hero. Random Acts of Courage supports children and young adults who are will to "walk their talk".
Give a Random Acts of Courage Lip Balm to a hero that you know or purchase one for yourself to spread the word of this movement and support Born This Way Foundation. 25% of the profits from this line will be donated to this wonderful organization. Their mission of "connecting young people in safe ways and empowering them with the skills and opportunities that will inspire them to create a kinder and braver world." so closely mirrors our own values.
Please visit Jaden's blog often to learn about young people who have shared their stories of courage and thoughts on how to make the world a better place.
If you are interested or know someone who is, submissions of videos and essays for consideration can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.com . If you are chosen to be featured you will receive a Random Acts of Courage lip balm and a MoMax T-Shirt.
All that you need to do is answer these three questions:
1. Have you ever been in a situation that required you to stand up for what you believe in?
2. What did you do?
3. How did you feel about it?
All submissions will be acknowledged and will require a signed release from a parent or guardian before they can be posted.
May 2017
- May 24, 2017 RAOC Talks with Michael May 24, 2017
- May 24, 2017 RAOC Sits down with Elliott May 24, 2017
November 2016
- Nov 2, 2016 Courage is... Nov 2, 2016


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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — "A big day for our Athletic Department today," exclaimed Director of Athletics and Recreation James Lally in his opening remarks to the large contingent of students, faculty and staff a ribbon cutting ceremony last week to celebrate the grand opening of a new turf athletic facility inside St. Angela Hall.
The facility — outfitted for indoor soccer, baseball and softball practice, among other sports — was converted from a former basement gym that had been basically dormant since the College re-acquired St. Angela Hall in 2001. (The College originated in St. Angela Hall in 1916 and was housed there during its first two years of existence before moving to Clinton Avenue.)
Flanked by student-athletes from the baseball, softball, and men's and women's soccer teams, Lally said the facility will go a long way toward keeping the Bears competitive in the Skyline Conference and within the region. He thanked St. Joseph's President Donald R. Boomgaarden, Ph.D., Chief Financial Officer John Roth, and Vice President for Athletics and Campus Services Shantey Hill for supporting the athletic department's vision toward ensuring the College's physical space best meets the needs of its students and the community.
"The new space is another sign of the commitment to student-athletes that the College is investing in athletics," commented Head Women's Soccer Coach Gary Lawson. "The turf is going to allow our soccer program to continue to practice conveniently on campus and help our student-athletes reach their full potential."
Dr. Boomgaarden reaffirmed the role athletics plays in the overall development of the student.
"It gives you the experience of a real-world opportunity to grow and develop your skills as leaders," he said. "This facility is a part of a fabric of athletics at our College that is so near and dear to my heart."
Featuring next-generation artificial turf, retractable batting cages and padded walls, the facility was a nearly year-long project that involved a complete overhaul of the 2,000-square-foot space.
Previously, teams competing in outdoor sports would have to travel upwards of 30 minutes to find practice space. During the winter crossover season — when the basketball and men's volleyball seasons overlap with preseason for baseball and softball — and it was too cold to practice outside, Hill Center gym availability times are limited. Some teams had no option other than to practice very early or very late.
"The new turf facility is an absolute game changer," said Student-Athlete Advisory Committee (SAAC) Vice President Victoria Mahoney, a senior pitcher on the softball team. "It gives us the opportunity to better use our practice time as well as have a small fraction of the field here on campus. We now have a space to call our own which will be appreciated for years to come."
For the baseball and softball teams, having a retractable batting cage in the new facility cuts down the setup time previously needed to set up a cage in the gym. It also opens more opportunities for individual practice in the cages, just when options for public batting cages nearby in Brooklyn and Queens are decreasing.
The new facility is also available for rent by groups of all ages for training and exercise, expanding St. Joseph's connection with the local community. The campus has already secured arrangements with several local non-profit youth athletic groups and looks forward to engaging new partners.
"Student-athletes continuously look for time, space and opportunities to develop their skills to compete at the highest level," Lally said. "I am proud that St. Joseph's College supports this dedication, and we are excited to witness continued growth of our teams and department through maximizing what this space has to offer."


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Fired: Ceramics by Barbara Ellard
Artists on Santa Fe
September 5 - 29, 2018
- Open Monday-Friday from 10 am - 5 pm and Saturdays from 10 am - 4 pm
- 1st Friday Art Walk: September 7, 6-9 pm
- 3rd Friday Artist's Reception : September 21, 5-8 pm
Artists on Santa Fe is a gallery with working artists' studios located in the heart of the Art District on Santa Fe. It's an engaging environment where visitors can interact with professional artists and view work in progress.
Artists on Santa Fe Gallery
747 Santa Fe Drive
Denver, CO 80204


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WASHINGTON (AP) � The Department of Treasury said Monday it will auction warrants of PNC Financial Services Group Inc. this week, the latest government move to recoup taxpayer money from the controversial financial bailout program.
The Treasury said it had authorized the sale of 16.9 million warrants of PNC tomorrow. Treasury set a minimum bid price of $15 per warrant in its latest warrant auction.
Warrants are financial instruments that allow the holder to buy stock at a fixed price. The government received the warrants as compensation for the support provided to financial institutions from the $700 billion bailout fund.
PNC received $7.6 billion in government support from the bailout fund, the Troubled Assets Relief Program, in December 2008.


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Okay, so I need to send "paperwork" home so the parents "can see what their child is learning each day." A quote from the meeting. Because God forbid a parent interact with their child through games, songs, books, outings, etcetera to find out what they know…God forbid they actually be "parents". (sigh) Don't get me started.
Back to the topic at hand – paperwork (as some would say, worksheets). As you know – I pretty much hate them and don't feel like they belong in a developmentally appropriate preschool learning environment. But I must do what I have to so that I may keep my job. But I will do it on my own terms and in my own way – it's time to get creative!
I'm not against all paperwork. I just want that to be made clear. I believe in "appropriate worksheets". For example, a data recording sheet for a science experiment – perhaps recording what was magnetic and what wasn't. You get the idea. I'm against repetitive tracing or drawing a line from one rhyming picture to another – etcetera.
The problem is I need more appropriate worksheets – for all areas of learning – and I don't know where to find them. Or, perhaps I can make them on my own if I had a good idea. I would appreciate any ideas or perhaps teacher websites or free printable sights any of you might know of that has the kind of stuff I'm looking for to help me out. Something that can get the children more involved but still be "paperwork" to send home. Thanks!


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StandUp Paddle Bend
Standup Paddleboard Rentals & Sales
Stand Up PaddleBoard Bend located between downtown Bend and Old Mill District offers paddleboard rentals so you can enjoy the many amazing places to get on the water in Central Oregon. Renting by the hour or by the day, you can also reserve online before coming into the shop. If you choose to paddle the Old Mill Stretch of the Deschutes and leave the board transport to them, they will bring all the equipment down to the river for you after you complete your reservation. Taking your rental somewhere else? Come pick up your reserved board at their shop and they'll help you load your car with the necessary straps and pads for most vehicles. Rentals range from $20 for a one-hour rental to $45 for a 24-hour rental, and $45 introductory Stand-Up PaddleBoard lesson on the Old Mill Section of the Deschutes River is offered to help get you up to speed, with all gear included in the 90-minute group lesson.


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Scuderia Ferrari have revealed that they knew nothing about Sebastian Vettel's engine problem until he left the pits for the grid – giving them less than 30 minutes to fix the issue. The German driver started the Japanese Grand Prix in second with F1 World Drivers' Championship leader Lewis Hamilton on pole, but the four-time Formula One world champion was unable to overtake Lewis Hamilton into Turn 1 and soon started going backwards as his under-powered Ferrari limped around Suzuka. After just four laps, he was forced to retire – and now Scuderia Ferrari team principal Maurizio Arrivabene has confirmed that the engineers were in a race against time to deal with the eventually terminal engine problem.
"Once again, despite our car clearly having great potential, things did not go to plan. The problem that stopped Seb was down to a broken spark plug. We spotted that something was not right on the lap to the grid and we tried our best to fix the problem. Seb got a great start, but shortly afterwards we had to call him back to the garage prior to retiring the car." – Maurizio Arrivabene explained, as reported by the Italian media at the end of the 2017 Japanese Grand Prix.
Sebastian Vettel himself was quick to defend his team despite the fact he has now retired from two of the last three Grands Prix, leaving him 59 points behind Hamilton in the title race: "I don't know if this situation has much to do with reliability. But we didn't finish the race, so there is a problem. I think it was a small issue causing a big one. We didn't have power already at the start and we tried to reset everything getting the power back, but something didn't work." – the German driver added.
Sebastian Vettel's team-mate Kimi Raikkonen was the one to suffer engine problems last time out: the Finn did not even make it off the start-line in Malaysia due to a broken manifold in the engine. A grid penalty and a tangle with Nico Hulkenberg left him fighting from well down the order but he was able to salvage 10 points for Ferrari at Suzuka: "Kimi's race was compromised by his less than ideal start position, which came about because of the penalty he had to take for a change of gearbox following his accident in P3. From there, he was able to move up the order as far as fifth place. As I've said before, we know that the car, the drivers and the team are all on the pace. That is why we will tackle the coming races with great effort and even more determination. Right up to the last corner of the last Grand Prix." – Maurizio Arrivabene concluded.


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One Mom's Journey Finding Support Through Postpartum Depression and Anxiety
Photo: Charlie Jane
Imagine that instead of experiencing every minute and milestone of motherhood with joy, you see happy moments through a fog of numbness and hopelessness. After giving birth to her daughter Nixie, Fashion Mamas Global member Charlie Jane didn't need to envision this scenario. The unfortunate fact is this: According to the National Institute of Mental Health, up to 20 percent of women suffer from postpartum depression (PPD). And while the British-bred creative advisor was told by her doctor that she was was at risk for PPD and anxiety, the anticipation didn't make living through those days and months any easier.
Also known as postnatal depression, the condition affects mothers across all walks of life. In addition to sadness, lack of energy, and loss of appetite or interest in sex, other symptoms can include feelings of "restlessness, anger, or irritability, worthlessness or guilt, fear of hurting your baby or yourself, trouble focusing," and more.
To help other women suffering from PPD seek support, Jane opens up about her mental health story along with her experience in finding strength within herself and seeking support from others. Read all about her challenges and advice to other mothers below, and visit Postpartum Support International for important resources and tools if you or a loved one is experiencing PPD.
When did you realize that you were experiencing more than just "baby blues"?
I actually always knew that postnatal depression and anxiety might be something I would deal with after having Nixie, my daughter. As a child, I experienced ongoing sexual abuse and have been challenged quite a lot by my mental health over the years, and I'm lucky to have become very in tune and aware of myself as a result. Doctors had explained to me that postnatal depression and postnatal anxiety might be something I would encounter, so the minute I knew something was up — which was almost instantly — I engaged with some support.
I felt so incredible when I was pregnant, so vibrant and full of life, and I fell in love my pregnancy body! I had a difficult last few months leading up to Nixie's birth — I had an abruption in my uterus and I was hospitalized, [and] at one point we almost lost her. It was at this point that a darkness started to creep over me.
I know a lot of women would feel incredibly happy about this but within 24 hours of giving birth so quickly, my weight was smaller than my pre-pregnancy weight. I felt a massive sinking empty feeling and I couldn't see the future. I sat with my feelings for a few weeks, often crying in a dark room or staring out of the window longing for some answers, but the feelings were so intense and I felt so enveloped with anxiety and panic that I knew this was more than just feeling blue.
What went through your mind as you realized you needed to seek support?
I was worried. I was worried that all the hard work I'd put into healing from my past experiences was undone; I was worried if I didn't help myself Nixie would feed off my energy and I put pressure on myself to stay vibrant and happy everyday, which was quite a burden to bear. Although a tiny baby, I didn't want her to see me as weak and I started to feel guilty as well as incapable of being a mother.
Nixie was also unplanned and although she is the best surprise of my life, at first I found it hard to fully bond with her and again felt guilty. It was here I realized I needed help to change my thought processes and after talking it through with a therapist, I saw it was the depression talking and understood that this initial part of my new journey as a new mother was going to take some time and I gave myself permission for that.
What's the most challenging part of your experience?
Nixie is now three and I still go through what I call PPD/anxiety waves that I have to ride out. Being away from the U.K. (home) and my family can be difficult at times but I'm lucky to have curated my own family U.S. side. We also didn't know until recently that my husband is on the spectrum, so it can be hard to not have the normal type of emotional support from him at these times. I don't want my challenges to take away my U.S. life and I fight hard at this everyday. Going through these experiences in my life though has taught me a lot spiritually and given me the understanding that everything we need is within, so during these moments I have to dig deeper!
What would you say to women who are also suffering from post-natal depression and anxiety but don't know how to reach out for help?
Allow how you feel to come to the surface and don't think you are weak or crazy or a bad mother — YOU ARE NOT! Talk to someone you feel comfortable with, particularly if you get to an extremely dark place and be as open as you can because whatever the root cause and however dark it gets, many mothers are experiencing this too.
I found that talking to a specialist is a great place to start in understanding my feelings and I've joined some great online networks of mothers who have been through the same thing. Pandas is a charity based in the U.K. that does some great work helping mothers with mental illness. I found it so helpful when I realized I was not alone in feeling like this, but I feel this is a conversation that needs to be discussed more.
Something that was personally helpful was the use of affirmation: Everyday I would say out loud, "I am a good mother" and "I release all the ways I dwell in guilt." I still use these now. PPD is a journey, so be patient with yourself, don't judge yourself, and trust it will get better with support!
What's your best advice to those who are unfamiliar with PPD and anxiety; how can they support loved ones who are experiencing it?
PPD is real and is not something you can simply snap out of; it isn't just a "bad day" — it is serious for both mother and child and can really take a hold and make it hard for you to get through your day and live your life. My best advice would be to help them engage with some professional help and to love them. Understand they are battling something internally that is complicated and that hurts them, and that they may not understand at first.
They may not be able to see the beautiful side of motherhood straight away, but they will. Remind them of all their good and that it's okay to feel as they do. A lot of people would say to me, "But you are so lucky to be a mother." It isn't about being ungrateful; I am grateful for Nixie every day and for the opportunity to be her mother, but PPD is about learning to cope with intense self doubt and crippling emotions.
Is there something that you've found particularly helpful when it comes to "balancing" everything — mental health, motherhood, and career?
I'm still learning, but I've learnt not to take on too much simply because I want to achieve so much right here and now, and only what's important and feels good. Over the last year I'm also more open about my challenges with PPD, not that I walk around holding a banner, but I believe that things only effect you as much as you allow them to and being open and having these conversations kind of takes the edge off. During my first year with Nixie I had to really make a lot of changes in my career as I had changed as a person and it took me a while to accept that, so balancing my career and motherhood is about being happy in what I'm doing and checking in with me.


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A head for inter-commodity spreads
Fund profile
Unlike many of their competitors, Russell Newton and Daniel Masters of Global Advisors have decades of experience in the energy and commodities business. The pair cut their teeth as oil traders at Shell's trading arm, Shell International Trading Company, before moving on to the commodities trading powerhouse Phibro. In 1993, they joined JP Morgan to help establish an in-house energy business.
"Our time at Shell taught us about the physical aspects of the commodities market, while trading at


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These cream and black Kate Spade heels are quite cute, aren't they? I love stripes, and black and cream is one of my go-to colour combinations. The striped heel reminds me of zebras (in a good, cute way!) and the grosgrain ribbon is simple and cute. While the combination of cream and black usually makes for a more formal shoe, the open toe and slingback style of this one keeps it casual. With its 4″ heel though, you probably won't be wearing this for a walk in the park, but it'd be perfect for say, a lawn party in the Spring! Anyone want to invite me to theirs?
These are $298 and you can get them from the Kate Spade store online here.