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No matter where you are in the United Kingdom, there will be a Raj's store nearby ready to cater for all your past the sell-by date grocery and girlie mag needs. Raj's stocks everything you could ever wish to buy, and they'll usually be happy to let you off paying for your Special Brew for a few days until your benefits cheque arrives. Although the company operates throughout Europe and North America, the name Raj's is used only in Britain. In the USA, they are usually run by Korean people and will often be named All-Nite Drugs Store, in Germany they will be called Abdul's and will be staffed by Turks and in Greece and Italy by Albanians, where they will be known as Aleksandr's. In Britain, most of the company's shops are known as Raj's though some operate under different names such as Mace, Nip-In or Happy Shopper. No matter what the name, you can be sure that you are about to receive the lacklustre service and contaminated goods that has made the company the resounding success that it is today, just so long as you look for the features common to all Raj's to ensure you have not inadvertently wandered into a shop owned by one of their many competitors; unless you are misfortunate enough to be in France, a nation where all shops are well-stocked with stinky food and are willing to sell alcohol and cigarettes to anybody no questions asked - as such, France has no requirement for the company, and remains the only European country without a single store. Pay close attention to this article to be sure you're shopping in a genuine branch of Raj's.
- 1 Finding a Raj's
- 2 Store Layout
- 3 Fireworks
- 4 "Under the Counter" Sales
- 5 The Clientele
- 6 Conclusion
- 7 See Also
Finding a Raj's[edit]
Raj's shops can be found in every British town, in the places where other companies fear to trade. If you find yourself in a sink estate so foul local residents originally from the slums of Calcutta are saving up to return to a better life back home, where every house has boarded-up windows, where packs of feral dogs, children and elderly ladies roam the streets attacking victims at will, get your arse out of there as quickly as possible. While doing so, you may well notice a branch or two of Raj's as you run as fast as you can in an attempt to escape the gang of skinheads and their Staffordshire bull terriers who are trying to catch you and kick your head in for looking like a "homo," "Jew" or "paedo." Raj's are to be found even on those estates where all the cars have dump valves, deafeningly loud stereos and exhaust pipes that make them sound like nitrous-injected Spitfires; those inner-city post-apocalytpic wastelands where the police cars play ear-splitting jungle music instead of the more typical sirens at 3am so as to pass unnoticed by resdients and thus escape coming under a rain of bricks and petrol bombs. Wherever there is need of s shop that sells just about everything you could ever need - from pornographic magazines featuring morbidly-overweight cerebral palsy victims urinating on each other to high-powered hydroponics system grow-lights - there will be a Raj's, the first shop to open in Nagasaki after the atomic bomb, where it sold crack to rats and cockroaches.
The Shop Front[edit]
Most shops believe that a large percentage of their profits come as a result of customer loyalty; a concept by which customers will, if given the choice, prefer to purchase goods at a store they have shopped at many times previously. Raj's realise that this is only true in the case of the large food chainstores where the customer might particularly prefer the taste of their chosen groceries - for example, Sainsbury customers like to spend a little more allowing them to feel that they are better than their neighbours, Tesco customers want bland, unimaginative stuff they've been eating for years and want it at a reasonable price while Asda customers are fat bastards who don't care what they eat so long as it's cheap, they've got plenty of it and they don't give a damn if it gives them cancer (Waitrose shoppers aren't worth mentioning as there's no opportunity to insult them here, since they're far too middle class for Uncyclopedia and spend all their time on the Guardian Online website). However, Raj's know that they operate in a very different retail sector to any of the above and that a sizable chunk of profits comes from late night shoppers who have run out of cigarette papers or who need just one more bottle of cider to get rid of the shakes so that they can go to bed - these types of shopper are unlikely to feel loyalty towards any particular trading name - in many cases because they are unable to remember them - and will instead purchase their goods at whichever shop they come to first, if only so they don't have to risk being mugged while walking for any further than is necessary through the grotty, run-down urban hell-holes within which Raj's tend to be located. As such, it is possible for them to earn extra income by allowing outside companies to take over the space above the shop's door, which is more commonly reserved for the shop's name, and use it as space for a usually hand-painted advertisement. Prior to the ban on tobacco advertising, this would in most cases take the form of a Superkings logo due to that brand being the most popular cigarette amongst council house dwellers. Nowadays, it is likely to be an advert for whichever newspaper is most popular in the immediate vicinity of any particular store. The shop pictured, which is situated in Burnley, Lancashire, is an excellent example of this phenomenon. This is the cause of severe worries amongst liberal people who avoid having anything to do with racist organisations yet who also wish to support their local Asian independent trader to avoid derision amongst their liberal friends.
Store Layout[edit]
If you are new to the Raj's shopping experience, you may be immediately struck upon entering. Don't worry - that's just Raj using the baseball bat he keeps under the counter to give you a little reminder that he always prosecutes shoplifters, just in case you might have been planning on helping yourself to anything you weren't planning on paying for. It's nothing to fret about - it's just because he doesn't know you. Once you've been into his shop a few more times he'll completely ignore you, which is his way of showing friendliness. The next thing to strike you will be the unusual layout of the shop, which is completely different to stores owned by other companies.
Fresh Produce[edit]
The first thing you'll notice is that whereas most shops keep their fruit and vegetable department just inside the doors to give the impression of freshness, Raj's fresh produce department - if you can refer to a couple of moulding cardboard boxes with about three hairy satsumas and a rubbery carrot in them as a department - is located somewhere in the gloomiest corner at the back of the shop, quite possibly near the open door with a beware of the dog sign written in felt-tip pen stuck on it, through which you can hear a really rather disturbing low-pitched growl. Nothing to fear - Raj feeds his dog on extra-hot raw steak vindaloo, so it would find your flavour far too bland for its taste and would only bite you a few times, not eat you. There may be a single, sorry-looking apple which has sat on the shelf since 1987, moving only occasionally and apparently under its own steam as the fauna living within it writhe - typical customers of Raj's don't eat a great deal of fruit, unless you count the fruit-flavoured jelly sweets that many of the local single mothers feed daily to their dirty babies for dinner or the brightly-coloured alcopops popular amongst the surrounding area's pre-teenage girls; though older customers may dimly recall a time when there were three apples, before a Japanese student unlucky enough to have found himself housed in bed-bug ridden digs nearby considered 60p per apple an absolutely irresistable bargain compared to the price of fruit in Tokyo and bought them.
Canned Goods[edit]
Canned goods are likely to fill the first shelves you come to. There will be baked beans with a label that looks like it was made using a dot-matrix printer attached to a BBC B computer, which it was - they were cutting-edge technology when those beans were canned. Like all packaged items with a best-before date in the store, the part of the label that should tell you when the contents are no longer fit for human consumption (nor by any other animal, with the possible exception of seagulls) will have been torn off. If you ask Raj how long they've been there, he'll shrug. However, he will also offer to sell them to you for half their marked price of 25p and so, if you are a student or the adult in a single-parent family surviving on the dole, you will buy them. Raj also stocks items that might be food which you have never seen before, for example tins of pickled spinach and strange slimey red things in jars with labels written in Arabic. If you've just left the pub, the take-away next door has closed for the night, you have an undeniable urge for a curry and are so intoxicated you fancy making a drunken attempt at cooking one you might buy these too, so make sure you don't forget to pick up a pack of four toilet rolls, because you're going to need them like never before come the morning. These toilet rolls will cost you £3.99 for the anally-lacerating Happy Shopper brand, even though the infinitely more luxurious triple-ply extra-soft velvet ones in the supermarket cost £1.49. It's your choice, where else are you going to get them at half past midnight? Raj knows this, so he can charge however much he likes.
The Household Goods Department[edit]
Before long, you will come across metal shelves filled with boxes and bottles of cleaning products, all of them once again brands of which you have not previously heard, for example Flasho polish and Lowdour washing powder, the latter being intended for hand-washing clothes since the last washing machine in the area was repossessed by bailiffs working for Rumbelow's in 1983. Notice that many of these products have peculiarly 1950s-style packaging. A brief examination of the three-inch thick dust settled upon each box will explain why this is - that's how long they've stood there for. People round here don't clean their houses very often, preferring to resort to anti-social behaviour so that the council rehouses them in a newly-built property somewhere else in town instead. Once that one becomes dirty - which is likely to be within a few months, since they usually share the house with around eight poorly-housetrained children and a similar number of dogs that have only marginally better lavatorial habits - the cycle repeats.
Raj also sells strange, old-fashioned items that you thought had gone out of production years ago. Things such as mothballs, mouse-traps and fire-lighters. You may wonder why he stocks fire-lighters since all the houses in a three mile radius have been built since 1970 and as such are fitted with gas-fired radiators instead of open fireplaces. The reason is that, once they are ignited, fire-lighters fit perfectly through the letterboxes of houses inhabited by Polish immigrants.
You may also find items such as flesh-coloured nylon tights (for some reason, Raj doesn't sell tights in any other colour) which will cost more than silk ones did during WW2 rationing. Despite the high price, they'll ladder from heel to thigh the moment you try to put them on...erm, or so my wife says, anyway. Tights are, inexplicably, kept on the same shelf as stationery where you can also obtain paperclips, boxes containg 5000 elastic bands which have somehow melted due to direct sunlight even though the entire shop is in a state of perpetual twilight because Raj doesn't believe in spending his hard-earned income on things like new fluorescent tubes to replace the seven (out of a total of eight on the shop's ceiling) that haven't worked within living memory, razor blades which may or may not have been collected from the supposedly tamper-proof sharps containers attached to all the litter bins along the street and resharpened by Raj's nephew from Bombay on a grinding wheel in the shop's rubbish-filled and vermin-infested garden and condoms which, like the food, will have long since passed their use-by dates. The latter may explain why it is that all the local families have at least six children, or it may be down to the fact that childhood mortality rates in the vicinity are several times higher than they were in Victorian days and so families like to have as many offspring as possible in order to guarantee a source of income when the parents hit old age (which generally happens when they get to 35 - a lifetime spent surviving on £1-for-20 beefburgers and cheap cider is not a healthy one).
Sales of alcoholic drinks account for around 50% of Raj's total business[1], which is why one entire wall of the shop is given over to displaying the huge selection he has on offer. Approximately 20% of the total alcohol shelf space will be devoted super-strength lagers with a similar amount given over to cider, Thunderbird, cheap Canadian whiskey and other drinks popular amongst children with the rest filled with assorted wines, none of them from producers of which you will have ever heard before, which are sold at four bottles for £10. On the top shelf there will be a very antiquated, dust-covered bottle of champagne priced at some seemingly randomly chosen amount such as £23.47. This wine is famous amongst champagne connoisseurs, some of whom would be willing to pay as much as £3 for it, but only as an example of how awful bad champagne can be.
Raj does not use pre-printed shelf edge labels as seen in most shops, preferring to use tatty bits of cardboard with the prices written in ballpoint pen which he sellotapes below the stock. Almost of all of these will be mis-spelled: for example, a label might say, "Giness, £1.10,"[2] even though he presumably had several cans of the famous Irish stout in front of him when he wrote it.
Though technically a chain of grocery stores, Raj will sell anything people might wish to purchase and as such stocks a range of toys. These will generally take the form of cheap, Far-Eastern battery-operated remote control vehicles, robots with flashing eyes and bunnies that supposedly jump in the air and flip over - they don't, though, because they are all broken. All of this will be exorbitantly priced and those that are supplied with batteries will have highly-corrosive acid leaking from them. Very occasionally, these will be bought by despairing drunken adults who feel guilty having just beaten their children in the street outside the shop in an attempt to stop them from crying. The toys will not work, even if new batteries are inserted. If the adult then takes the toy back into the shop, Raj will tell them that they need to put batteries in it, even though the parent explains that they have done so. Raj will then repeat himself, in a thick accent even though he usually speaks in the local manner, as he waves vaguely in the direction of his shelf full of Lucky Seahorse Manu. Corps, Xinjang Province, China batteries which cost three times as much as Duracell do elsewhere before pretending he can't speak English. The adult will then give up and leave the store, explaining to the child that Raj is an arsehole and that they will never go back to his shop again. However, this will not be the case, because tomorrow morning at 6am they'll be there buying an 8-pack of warm 9% abv lager, before heading for the nearest park bench and eventually going home three hours later to see if their toddlers have burnt themselves sufficiently badly while making their own breakfast as to warrant another beating.
Oddly, the sale of high explosives to untrained members of the public is not illegal in Britain, where the population detonate gunpowder devices of varying size during early November in an effort to frighten the evil spirits of Winter away, thus prolonging Summer. Every year, sometime in June, a large section of Raj's will be cleared of stock and then filled with fireworks, many of which will be distinctly hazardous varieties. Raj sells these for no other reason than his famous altruism - realising that all children love fireworks but cannot afford safe European ones, he illegally imports several crates of banned Chinese versions which he is able to sell on at pocket money prices. Every year, the local police will employ a child aged about 13 who they will drive in an unmarked police car to various shops around town to see whether or not they are willing to sell fireworks to under-age people since the legal minimum age to purchase such items in the UK is 18. Raj never fails to take advantage of this situation as it guarantees his shop will be mentioned in the local newspaper. Although he will be fined around £1000, this is a small price to pay and easily recovered as once the story gets out children from miles around will flock to the store knowing that they will not be asked to provide proof of their age.
"Under the Counter" Sales[edit]
Raj's shop is packed from floor to ceiling with everything you could ever need, plenty of stuff you don't need and quite a lot of stuff you had no idea existed and would never conceivably want. However, all of that accounts for only 50% of his total stock and just a tenth of his annual profits since he also makes money off the books with his flourishing trade in illicit and black market goods.
In an attempt to decrease numbers of people taking up smoking and to try to encourage existing smokers to give up the habit, the British Government have repeatedly raised tobacco prices in recent years despite evidence from Prohibition-era America and worldwide anti-drugs policies that even a mentally-retarded mollusc could see suggest that increased government control of suchlike products does nothing to reduce usage and instead promotes unlicensed production and distribution, often carried out by decidedly shady characters and criminal gangs. By adding massive amounts of tax onto the cost of a packet of cigarettes, they also guarantee a source of money to enable themselves to have second homes, expensive foreign holidays and luxury cars; though they claim that these funds are in fact used to finance the National Health Service, an organisation that would have enough money to be the best medical service in the world if those same politicians would agree to be paid the national minimum wage and give the rest to the NHS.
Raj, that canniest of all businessmen, has not just his fingers but his entire arms up to his hairy shoulders in this pie. Via his family in India, he maintains a list of contacts with the ability to bring vast quantities of Indian tobacco packaged in extremely convincing fake copies of popular European brands. Once a week, at around 3am, a dirty old Ford Transit van chugs down the street where Raj's shop is located in a cloud of blue diesel smoke. It stops at the kerb outside the shop and Raj opens his door to the two young Asian men who climb out and begin loading unmarked boxes into his shop. Inside are hundreds of 50 gram packets of tobacco, which he will sell to other local shopkeepers for £40 for a pack of ten or £6 per pack to the public. However, compared to this stuff, normal tobacco is packed with chemicals beneficial to human health. There is more tar in it than several miles of dual carriageway, enough cyanide to keep Nazi Germany going for the intended thousand years of the Third Reich and more benzene than can be found in the Yangtze River just downstream of the factory where Raj's batteries are made. The tobacco is cheap enough to be tempting - but be aware, the contents of the packets are not necessarily the brand you think they are. They are in fact a mixture of various different types of tobacco that have been picked out of cigarette butts retrieved from the shit-filled gutters of Bangalore by disabled street urchins.
Tin Foil[edit]
A large percentage of Raj's regular customers purchase tin foil daily, though they don't appear to roast chickens very often (nor to have much to do with food at all, other than providing it for a selection of both external and internal parasites). In fact, he sells so much of it that he keeps it on the counter for convenience. Anyone who takes a walk down the street where Raj's shop is located early in the morning will notice little bits of blackened foil accompanied by candle stubs and syringes in shop doorways, which solves the mystery.
Wives and Slaves[edit]
You want an obedient Asian wife who speaks no English? Raj's contacts can get those for you too - in fact, if you're lucky, he may even have a few chained up in the cellar already so you can just go down and choose whichever one looks least diseased. Who knows what her name is, what she likes and dislikes and where she comes from - she can't speak English anyway, and is probably too traumatised to speak in any language.
Need a cleaner? Why pay some East European woman £10 an hour when Raj can supply you with an eight-year old Indian girl who can be trained to carry out all manner of household tasks? His family already numbers over 7,000 people who comprise a reasonably-sized village in the Tamil province, so any female babies born into the clan are surplus to requirements. What's that? You think buying Indian children to use as slaves is immoral? Not so long ago, female Indian babies were left outside to die, so by selling them Raj is actually doing a good deed. Don't worry that they'll try to run away - any spirit they may have once had was utterly destroyed during the nine months they spent in the dark, damp hold of the rusting old container ship that brought them to Britain. Anyway, even cleaning up after a filthy Westerner is better than being whipped all day long as they work their fingers to the bone in some grotty textiles sweatshop for the equivalent of 0.1p a week. Looking at this way, you can use it as an argument similar to that used by carbon-trading multinational companies who purchase the right to release a certain amount of pollution from another company - by saving one child from a hellish existence in a sweatshop, you have tipped the balance in your favour and can continue shopping at Primark and H&M without a guilty conscience.
So, you've been looking at the admittedly rather comprehensive selection of pornography Raj has openly on display on his magazine rack but you can't quite find the sort of thing you're after, eh? Well, if that's the case it must only be a matter of time before the FBI catch up with you and send you to prison forever. In the meantime, what are you doing on Uncyclopedia? There is no perversion so sick Google can't find it for you. Otherwise, just leave a post on the Uncyclopedia forum outlining what sort of thing it is you're into - we have some users with some very specialist interests on here, one of whom will surely be happy to e-mail you what you need. But, if it's glossy hardcopy you need, Raj is your man. Somewhere in the back of every branch, Raj has a hidden room in which he stores the sorts of porn that'd make a Dutch whore blush and it's highly likely he'll have whatever it is you need - just don't get stopped by the police on the way home. If your needs are truly so bizarre even he doesn't have anything in stock, just tell him what you want and he'll be straight on the phone to a man he knows in Delhi who has a digital camera. There's some very poor people over there who'll do just about anything for a rupee, and the lizards aren't much more expensive.
Car Parts[edit]
Along with sharpening used razor blades, Raj's nephew who works in the litter-strewn garden behind the shop can strip a stolen car quicker than a priest can strip a choirboy. You need a driveshaft for a 2006 BMW 320i? If he hasn't got one, he can get you one by tomorrow. There is, of course, the worry that when you take it home and go to fit it, you'll discover that you've unintentionally bought the faulty one that was on your car in the first place and which appears to have gone missing at some point during the previous night.
The Clientele[edit]
One of the strangest of the many unexplained phenomena (the brown stains on the floor, the mystery tin without a label on sale at 30p, why anyone in their right mind shops there) associated with Raj's is that the same basic archetypes of customers are to be found in any one of the 750 stores. Whether you are in the John O'Groats shop or the nearest to Land's End you'll see at least one of the following characters.
The Harrassed Single Mum on Benefits[edit]
Single Mum exists in a state of perpetual annoyance due to the fact that she has eight children, each if whom was fathered by a different - and in all likelihood unknown - man[1]. Ranging from one month to 14 years, none of them have ever been taught any manners or the ability to speak at volumes lower than 110 decibels. All of the children aged up 10 will be screaming and possibly being sick despite Single Mum's efforts to persuade them to stop by punching them in their filth-encrusted faces. Older children, if male, will be scoping out the premises to see if there is anything desirable enough as to make it worth risking the savage physical beating Raj will inflict upon them if he catches them attempting to steal it (there is nothing worth even a fraction of that price, not even the illegally-imported "special interest" porn under the counter) while female examples will be gathered round a copy of a glossy magazine and involved in a discussion, which is really quite remarkably sexually explicit considering their ages, concerning which contemporary male film/pop stars are well buff. The oldest child, invariably a girl and usually pregnant - though it may be hard to tell due to her morbid obesity - will have picked up a tacky piece of the plastic jewelry that Raj keeps by his counter and will be saying, "Mum, look at this. Pahnd. Pahnd, proper nice innit? Pahnd," in an attempt to persuade her mother (who has just spent her last £3 on a plastic bottle containing 3 litres of lukewarm white wine so that she will be able to get some sleep later on during the afternoon while her children watch horror films and torture one another) that the item is desirable and as such should be bought for her beloved first-born. Single Mum will reply, "What do you want that piece of shit for? It'd make you look like even more of a fat slag than you do anyway." Is it any wonder that Raj keeps his daughters confined to the family home and doesn't allow them to associate with white children?
- ↑ It is often claimed that the absence of a male role model during the formative years of many boys' childhoods is the cause of crime and other antisocial behaviour. However, the sort of personality traits held in high esteem and lauded as masculine ideals by this sector of society means that male children are actually better off without a father, who is likely to be a bad influence.
The Brew Crew[edit]
Upon arriving at Raj's, take note of whether or not there are any malnourished, miserable-looking dogs skulking about outside (don't get too close - they don't bite, but they have been trained to pickpocket). If so, you have a very high chance of being able to observe the skillful negotiations and haggling of a member of the Brew Crew as he or she[1] tries to persuade Raj to let them have a six-pack of Special Brew or a packet of tobacco "on tick," meaning that they don't need to pay until they either receive a benefits cheque or manage to sell some stolen goods; in flagrant disregard of the prominent sign displayed by the till claiming that the shop does not offer credit[2]. However, under certain circumstances - ie; the customer buys around a hundred cans of lager weekly - Raj will offer credit, though he may be reluctant to do so if the customer already owes a certain amount. The Brew Crew member, if credit is refused, will stand at the till blocking the movement of other customers repeating, "Oh go on Raj," in a peculiar mix of the Glasgow and Manchester accents common to all of their kind until Raj eventually relents, which he will since it is common knowledge that the Crew are banned from all other shops in town and as such have no choice but to return to his store when they they next need alcohol. Also, he knows which shop doorway they sleep in and is well aware of what a pint of petrol and a match can do to an unconscious drunk huddled in a pile of stinking ex-hospital blankets.
In addition to single parent families and elderly people on state pensions, Raj's deprived and run-down locale is host to a great number of students who are generally to be found living in colonies of 16 within houses originally designed to accomodate a family of four and which have subsequently been converted into low-cost flats; as they are able to thrive on a diet consisting almost entirely of baked beans, they rely on his shop for all of their grocery needs. Since they are generally keen to demonstrate their left-wing, non-racist credentials, student customers will tell tales of what a great man Raj is and how he came to Britain with nothing and has worked hard[1] to make a living for himself, of his noble honesty and how he is willing to overlook payment when somebody is truly in need. They are lying, and Raj is a bastard.
- ↑ Hard work being a quality held in high regard by all students.
Violent members of neo-Nazi gangs can often be seen shopping in Raj's and, oddly, he is highly respected by them. This is because they have not noticed that he isn't British, because he sells a large selection of knives and cheap hammers, no questions asked.
So now you know all about Raj's, the retail chain that sells all the things you could ever need at low prices. Wherever you are, you can be certain there's a Raj's not far and he's waiting to serve you today! Why not pop down and see him now? After all, it's 8am already - you need a beer, don't you?!


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Wednesday, February 27, 2013 at 6:30 p.m.
Meet in the Ames Family Atrium
Join members of Column & Stripe as they tour the newly reopened Medieval and Renaisance galleries with Griff Mann, Chief Curator. Revisit favorite works of art and see some of the museum's new acquisitions.
This tour is open to Column & Stripe members only. Limited space available. RSVP to Allison Tillinger Schmid, 216-707-2669 or aschmid [at] clevelandart.org.

subset: commoncrawl


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In a horrifying, true story from spring training, NESN's Heidi Watney tells how her dog is a virtual prisoner in its own home due to a nearby alligator (which may actually be a log).
Watney bravely takes camera in hand to not only show America where she lives (a dubious move), but also a small alligator which is lurking on the bank of a canal near her Florida condo. She won't let her dog out, she says, because it could "become a snack." It's all really the worst Man Vs. Wild episode I've ever seen. Will no one from the Red Sox go poke that gator with a stick to shoo it out of there? (Come on Papelbon; you know you want to).
So speaking of small dogs as potential snack food, this is as good a time as any for the Wiener Dog story. I lived in a condo in South Lake Tahoe a few years back that had two large garbage dumpsters at the end of the parking lot next to the forest. Bears would often frequent the dumpsters at night for a free buffet, but one afternoon a particularly brazen one showed up for lunch. A family in the condo across from mine had a wiener dog, who saw the bear through the screen door. The dog somehow got the screen door open and sped toward the dumpsters, barking madly, and the bear, startled, took off. They both disappeared into the woods.
About three minutes passed, in which the only sounds were the gentle rustle of the pine trees in the wind, and an occasional blue jay. Then, from out of the forest, comes the wiener dog running headlong back toward the condos, being chased by the bear. I can only surmise that somewhere deep in the woods the bear thought to itself "Wait a minute; I'm being chased by a freaking wiener dog." The dog sped back to his house and nosed inside through the screen door.
The funniest part to me was that when the wiener dog flew back into the house — and I swear, I don't know how this happened, because no one was home — the wooden door slammed shut behind him.
Gator Bait [NESN]
Hero Wiener Dogs — The Legend Grows [Dave Barry's Blog]


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Welcome to Shoreline Aerial Photography's Online Gallery. From here, you may search or browse subjects that interest you. Prints or a variety of gift items for any image may be ordered, all professionally printed and delivered to your door in just a few days. Enjoy the view!
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growing up we moved quite a bit. or at least it seemed that way. i really only lived in two or three different cities between kindergarten and senior year. between third and summer before eighth grade we lived in the same city. but moved about seven different times in that span. my mother stayed at home with us, most of that time; my father teetered between owning his own business and working contract work. so change was the constant.
as a human we despise change. or at least the majority of us do. but somewhere in all the chaos i developed a love hate relationship with change. my soul yearned for change but my mind fought it. i would yearn for change but then fight it when it was happening. i think that is only natural. most of that change was out of my control. and at the time was frightening, but now i look back on it and am glad it all happened. it made me who i am.
i try to teach my children to not be scared of change. to accept it and make the best of it. i have tried to teach them that this is it. the only life we get. and there is so much more to it than this corner of the best state in the world (texas for all you that were guessing). there is so much to see. and experience. even just in this great country of America. and it is important to see it. learn everything you can. why not? if this is it, why not do everything you can. and have the best life. and be the best person you can in the process.
with the changes i have made personally to who i am, and fighting to get the better parts of girl i used to be back, my nomad bones have started rattling in their cage. lately i have been struggling between my need to have my place, with my family and those i love around. and my internal need to roam. we have been planning 'the compound'. a parcel of land where three or four of my nearest and dearest will make roots. land that we can all work on. to make our place in this jacked up world. a safe haven. with gardens and animals for food. a community of sorts. protection from the outside chaos. so that in years to come my family can be safe. a place to call ours when the proverbial shit hits the fan. the plans are exciting. everyone is on board. we even have a 'shit or get off the pot' date set.
in the midst of all the planning my bones started rattling. my soul yearning to just go. not for long in the beginning. but to just get out. sometimes you have to get away to realize that you need to come back. with all the issues with Lil'K it has been near impossible. Big'K is finishing up her freshman year of high school and looking forward to the remainder of high school. as much as i would have loved for her to have been homeschooled, i think where she is now would not be a good time to uproot and explore. so i have made a truce with myself. three years. she will graduate in 2016 and head off to college. at that time Lil'K will just be heading into junior high. the BFF is a pro at homeschooling. that time would be perfect to leave. so the BFF and i have been coming up with a plan.
first off is getting the transportation. you see, we do not want to leave just to set permanent roots somewhere else. because at the end of the day, or the trip, i will always want to come 'home'. so we will RV it. she is looking right now for one. and i am doing the research. i think taking it easy in the beginning will work. her taking short trips to family with her kids during the next school year. and then eventually working in my crew as well. just summers. and not this one. next one. take off for about 6 weeks. and if that works, financially and physically, then the next summer take 10 weeks. the hardest part is financing. finding a way for me to work just during the year and then off during the summer. i have been working very hard on my finances over the last year and things are so much brighter. with a little more hard work and effort i believe i could pull off saving enough to make it through the summer while traveling.
after a couple of summers, and long enough to get Big'K through graduation from high school, we should have a true sense of whether or not it would truly work full time. taking the summer after her senior year as one last hurrah, and then hitting it full time. taking a year at a time. if at anytime we decide we want to come back then we will. and if not, we will just continue on until we decide not to.
it is a scary idea. but filled with so much wonder and excitement at the possibilities. as always this could just be another loco hairbrained idea. i tend to have those. but i think i have such elaborate ideas because my inner nomad is screaming. we are sitting still. we are becoming complacent. we are dying inside. so for right now it is an idea. one that we will thoroughly research. and plan. and hopefully put into action. and if not, it will be fun to plan and dream about.


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Download Sailing to Byzantium Study Guide
(Masterpieces of World Literature, Critical Edition)
"Sailing to Byzantium" was first published in Yeats's 1928 collection, The Tower. Critics generally acknowledge that Yeats produced some of his best work after he received the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1923; certainly, "Sailing to Byzantium" demonstrates the power of that later work.
The poem is comprised of four stanzas of eight lines each. Both rhyme and meter are regular, following an abababcc rhyme scheme and an iambic pentameter metric pattern throughout. In the first stanza, Yeats speaks of a place that is "no country for old men." In this country, the young, along with "fish, flesh, or fowl" engage in the procreative, generative energy of summer. Caught up in "sensual music," the inhabitants of this country do not consider intellectual or spiritual concerns. Rather, they are caught up in life itself, not considering that which is eternal. Yeats reminds readers, however, that whatever is "begotten" and "born" ultimately dies. This is the country of fleshly incarnation, the country of life, but also a place where the joy of life opposes the certainty of death. A country such as this is no place for an old man moving inexorably toward death.
Yeats continues his exploration of old age in the second stanza, presenting an image of an old man as a scarecrow, "a tattered coat upon a stick." This empty vessel is no more than a "paltry thing" without the singing of his soul. Through the soul's singing, Yeats believes, he can create art, something that will survive physical death. He says, therefore, that he has sailed to Byzantium, a place where he will...
(The entire section is 542 words.)


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Find A Cure Panel (FACP) specializes in patient and caregiver research for general ailments, serious and rare diseases, injuries, disorders and conditions.
FACP is a platform for patients and their caregivers to share their opinions and experiences as to their condition and treatment.
All participation is confidential and anonymous.
FACP does not recruit for drug trials.
If you have a serious or rare disease, injury, disorder or condition and would like to anonymously participate in patient or caregiver research, please click here to sign up for Find A Cure Panel.


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Giants have golden gate(way) for talent
Williamson, Panik racing along the fast track to San Francisco
By Ashley Marshall / MiLB.com | December 6, 2013 5:00 AM
This offseason, MiLB.com will be honoring the players -- regardless of age or prospect status -- who had the best seasons in their organizations. We're taking a look at each team to determine the outstanding seasons in Minor League baseball. Select a team from the dropdown below.
The San Francisco Giants continued their habit of grooming prospects at all levels and teaching their players the value of success by putting winning products on the field. They went a combined 436-324 across the Minors, posting the best winning percentage (.574) of all 30 big league clubs.
San Francisco's rookie-level affiliate in the Arizona League posted the third best record (41-14, .745) in all of the Minors to clinch a championship, and the Dominican Summer League team went 45-22 before wrapping up the season with a title of its own.
Salem-Keizer and Augusta also made the playoffs, and San Jose rode the postseason train all the way to a spot in the Cal League Finals. Richmond finished just two games below .500 and Triple-A Fresno -- statistically the worst of the Giants farm teams -- still went a respectable 68-75.
Catcher -- Johnny Monell, Fresno (121 games), San Francisco (eight games): After repeating the Eastern League in 2012, Monell went through the Pacific Coast League to the Majors this year.
His .275 average led all full-season catchers in the organization, and he also ranked first among backstops in homers (20), RBIs (64), runs scored (71) and doubles (27).
"He had a breakout season, obviously," Fresno manager Bob Mariano said. "He had a solid season for us. I was a hitting coordinator for eight years before I started managing and I always knew he could hit. I knew he had that ability. He was probably our most consistent hitter in Fresno last year.
"He can catch behind the dish and ... he can play first base. He's a great pinch-hitter, too, and we can use him off the bench as a left-handed hitter to create matchups. He's a hard worker, and he did what he needed to to get on the 40-man roster."
First base -- Brett Pill, Fresno (68 games), San Francisco (48 games): California native Pill saw time in the Majors in both 2011 and 2012, so it was no surprise to see him post good numbers back in the PCL before another return to the Giants in 2013.
He hit a robust .344 -- a career high and the best among all Giants first basemen -- with 18 homers and 79 RBIs in 68 games. He recorded 174 total bases in half a season, making him one of the most productive players across the Minors. He batted .224 with three long balls and 12 RBIs on his callup to AT&T Park.
"I had him when I was the hitting coordinator in Salem and Augusta, and every time I came into town he always hit. But this was his best year and he swung the bat better than I had ever seen him do in the Minor Leagues," Mariano said.
"He was our best hitter, day in and day out. He's a gap-to-gap guy, but he has pull power to left field and left-center field. Two of the things he did this year better than any other was not chasing the breaking ball in the dirt and using right field with two strikes."
Second base -- Joe Panik, Richmond (137 games): Panik, San Francisco's first-round pick in the 2011 Draft, continued his journey through the farm this year. The 21-year-old hit .257, ranking first among Giants second basemen in homers (four, tied for first), RBIs (57), walks (58) and doubles (27). Panik, who posted a .333 on-base percentage, also stole 10 bases, the third consecutive year he has reached double digits in this category.
Third base -- Chris Dominguez, Fresno (132 games): Dominguez may never replicate his 20-homer, 100-RBI season from the South Atlantic League in 2010, but he has maintained his power stroke while improving his average and cutting down the strikeouts.
Dominguez batted a career-high .294 with 15 homers, the latter of which ranked second among third basemen. His 44 extra-base hits also ranked second among Giants at the hot corner and his 65 RBIs were enough to finish third. Boosted by the inflated average, his .334 on-base percentage, .464 slugging percentage and .798 OPS percentage were all personal bests.
"He was a guy that was a high-strikeout guy when I was a roving instructor, but he has high power upside -- light-tower power, he's so strong," Mariano said. "If he eventually figures it all and cuts down on those strikeouts, he'll have big-time power to all fields.
"He's outstanding defensively and he has a Howitzer for an arm. I saw him make plays that I've not seen third basemen in the big leagues make.
Shortstop -- Jeremy Sy, Salem-Kaizer (46 games): In his first year of pro ball, Sy -- a 5-foot-8 24-year-old Illinois native -- batted .294 with eight homers in 46 Northwest League games. Only one San Francisco shortstop -- Matt Duffy, who played 104 games -- went deep more often than Sy, who also ranked third with 41 RBIs and tied for fourth with 13 steals in 15 attempts.
Mac Williamson, San Jose (136 games): Williamson batted .292 in the California League this season, leading all Giants outfielders in homers (25), RBIs (89) and runs scored (94).
The 23-year-old Wake Forest product ranked fourth among outfielders with 51 walks, leading to a .375 on-base percentage and .879 OPS. He also swiped 10 bases in 11 attempts in his second year of pro ball, his first in a full-season league.
Devin Harris, San Jose (129 games): Selected by the Giants in the 48th round of the 2010 Draft, Harris set career highs in a number of offensive categories including homers (23), doubles (40) and RBIs (84). His .258 average was his highest mark in a full-season league, and it was 43 points better than what he hit across three levels in 2012.
Francisco Peguero, Fresno (70 games), San Francisco (18 games), AZL Giants (six games):
An Organization All-Star in 2010, Peguero returned to the list again this year. His .315 average was the second-highest mark among Giants outfielders, and he collected 43 run scores and 37 RBIs despite recording 298 at-bats in 76 Minor Legaue contests. He also had 19 extra-base hits, including 12 doubles, four homers and three triples.
As in 2012, Peguero got a cup of coffee in the Majors, batting .207 in 18 big league appearances.
"He got off to a great start in Fresno," Mariano said. "He's versatile, probably a better right fielder, but he came up as a center fielder and even played a lot in left field.
"He is a guy that has tremendous bat speed, probably the best in our organization. But it's just a matter of him shortening his swing up in terms of his mechanics. He's a free swinger, but when he played for me he was consistently batting around .300."
Utility -- Javier Herrera, Richmond (131 games): Herrera hit .296 with 16 homers, 74 RBIs and 23 stolen bases in 131 Eastern League games. The 28-year-old outfielder ripped 37 doubles and came home to score 70 runs, combining excellent speed and raw power to help post a .376 on-base percentage and .861 OPS.
Expectations were relatively low for Herrera entering 2013. He had not played in an affiliated league since 2009, having spent the past three years playing for one of three independent outfits after struggling in the Texas League as a 23-year-old in '08.
Right-handed starting pitcher -- Chris Johnson, Salem-Keizer (15 games): Johnson went 6-3 with a 2.49 ERA in 15 Northwest League starts for the Volcanoes. He held opposing hitters to a .207 average and struck out 78 batters in 83 innings. Arguably more impressive, Johnson yielded just eight walks and one home run, improving in every category from a year ago when he was 2-4 with a 6.84 mark in his rookie season in Salem-Keizer.
Left-handed starting pitcher -- Ty Blach, San Jose (22 games): Blach had a banner year in his first go in pro ball. Selected in the fifth round in June's Draft, the Creighton University product went 12-4 with a 2.90 ERA in 22 games, including 20 starts.
His 12 wins tied for the most of any Giants pitcher, while his ERA and 117 strikeouts each ranked sixth. No San Francisco farmhand who pitched more innings than Blach had a lower ERA. He won the fans' vote for Starting Pitcher of the Year.
Relief pitcher -- Raymundo Montero, Salem-Keizer (25 games): The 24-year-old saved 14 games -- tied for the fourth most among Giants pitchers -- to go along with his 1.82 ERA this season. He fanned 43 batters over 29 2/3 frames and limited hitters to a .183 batting average.
The Giants tried to convert Montero into a starter last year in Salem-Keizer, but a 4.38 ERA and .293 average indicated a move back to the bullpen was likely. In hindsight, it appeared to be the correct move, with the Dominican Republic native thriving in the one-inning role.
Ashley Marshall is a contributor to MiLB.com. Follow him on Twitter @AshMarshallMLB, This story was not subject to the approval of the National Association of Professional Baseball Leagues or its clubs.View More


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Gail Ray, DDS - General Dentist in Silver City, NM
Gail Ray is a General Dentist (General Dentistry dentist) practicing in Silver City, New Mexico. This dentist is listed on Dentist Network with a medical license speciality in General Dentistry.
You can reach us on phone number (505) 388-2541, fax number (505) 388-0761 or email address . Our office is located on 507 N Bullard St, Silver City, NM,
For full contact details to this dentist have a look at the the column to your right (or scroll if you're viewing this on a mobile device.)


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Typically known for waving the green flag of environmentalism, Portland, Ore., recently added a new hue to its conservation color palette. Four years after instituting its green building policy, the environmentally friendly city has further cemented Oregon's reputation as one of the greenest states in the country by increasing its LEED standards for new city buildings from Certified to Gold.
Portland City Council Commissioner Dan Saltzman recommended the stronger policy, which also extends to three other types of construction, and he says it's part of the city's two-pronged approach to going green. "Obviously, we think it's important for our environment, but we're also building demand for green products and services," Saltzman says. With 28 LEED-certified buildings under or nearing construction per one million people in Oregon, experts in energy-efficient design could soon be a valuable commodity in the Pacific Northwest.


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Foods That Ease Muscle and Joint Pain
Eat the Muscle Pain Away
Eat the Muscle Pain Away
You are what you eat. At least, that's the old adage. It's also one I believe in — what you put into your body has a big effect on how you feel. There are foods that fight fat and detox foods. There are even foods that help you sleep better and look fresher. Adding to the list of foods that fuel with a purpose are foods that help ease pain. Whether it's a headache, post-workout soreness, or an injury, these foods will help ease the pain away in a totally natural way.


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Chicago-Kent Blogs & Bloggers
CK-Now: Chicago-kent Highlights
Chicago-Kent Centers & Institute Blogs
Center for Design, Law & Technology
Institute for Science, Law and Technology: On the Edges of Science and Law
Institute on the Supreme Court of the United States: ISCOTUSnow
Chicago-Kent Department Blogs
Blogging Professors:
The Chicago-Kent Faculty Blog cross-posts blog posts from individual faculty on other sites as an archive of Chicago-Kent faculty blogging.
Professor Bernadette Atuahene runs a blog for her nonprofit organization, Documentaries to Inspire Social Change (www.discwebsite.org), which produces documentary film and and accompanying curricula about various social injustices, such as the land dispossessions that occurred in South Africa during the Apartheid era. She also writes for the Huffington Post.
Professor Sungjoon Cho is a contributor to the International Economic Law and Policy Blog at worldtradelaw.typepad.com/ielpblog.
Professor Steven Heyman is the author of LegiSlate at legislate-ck.blogspot.com, a blog on legislation and statutory interpretation.
Professor Carolyn Shapiro is an editor of the Empirical Legal Studies Blog at www.elsblog.org.


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This item is not in stock, but may be available to order. Special order pricing and lead time must be quoted by our staff, since cost and availability can vary greatly. If you're interested in getting a quote on this item, please contact us using the "Request More Info" button below.
Have questions? Find the answer in our new searchable FAQ.
Put your feet up and relax with the combination of the upholstered chair and a half and matching ottoman set. The chair features a plush seat cushion, semi-attached back, rolled track arms and exposed wooden tapered legs. The matching ottoman has matching feet and a plush seat top.
The CU.2 Upholstered Stationary Chair and a Half and Ottoman by Bassett at Great American Home Store in the Memphis, Cordova, TN, Southaven, Olive Branch, MS area. Product availability may vary. Contact us for the most current availability on this product.
Comfortable and customizable, you'll have it all with the CU.2 Collection. Available in a variety of fabrics and leathers, this moderately scaled collection features track arms, semi-attached box backs, welt less seat cushions and exposed wooden tapered legs available in a choice of wood finishes. Create a new living room or entertainment room scene with the varying sofas, sectionals, chairs and ottomans of the CU.2 Collection.
The CU.2 collection is a great option if you are looking for Casual furniture in the Memphis, Cordova, TN, Southaven, Olive Branch, MS area.
Browse other items in the CU.2 collection from Great American Home Store in the Memphis, Cordova, TN, Southaven, Olive Branch, MS area.
This item has been tagged as: Rocker, Rocking Chair, Nursery Furniture, Nursery Rocking Chair, Glider, Nursery Glider, Glider Chair, Glider Rocker, Glider Rocking Chair, Glider Rocking Chair, Childrens Room Rocking Chair, Chair and a Half, Chair and a Half Recliner, Chair and a Half Sleeper, Chair and a Half with Ottoman, Big Chair, Oversized Chair, Chair and Ottoman, Ottoman Chair, Chair and Ottoman Set, Accent Chair, Chaise, Chaise Lounge, Small Chaise, Chaise Lounge Chair, Custom Chaise Lounge, Chaise Lounger, Double Chair, Exposed Wood Chair, Accent Chair with Wood Arms or Legs, Exposed Wood Seating, Exposed Wood Pieces, Wing Chair, Wingback Chair, Queen Anne Chair, Easy Chair, Fireplace Chair, Daybed
Nothing on this page may be copied or reproduced without explicit permission.


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Women and Gender Studies Program
The Women and Gender Studies program is an interdisciplinary field of study that places women and questions of gender at the centre of inquiry. Our field emphasizes the important role that gender plays in shaping an individual's experiences and how women's lives continue to be left out of traditional approaches to knowledge. We stress the complex ways in which gender is fundamentally linked to class, race, ethnicity, nationality, age, and sexual orientation, and how these aspects shape and construct our sense of self, our roles in society and our institutions. The goal of the Women and Gender Studies program is to encourage students to develop an understanding about the ways in which society thinks about gender by attaining the analytical, oral and writing skills needed to think about the interconnection and nuanced interactions of all these forces in society. Through our devotion to teaching, learning, research, scholarship and creativity, our aim is to engage students in a field that provides tools that can help them to shape their lives and the world around them. Students can earn an Honours BA Women and Gender Studies in combination with another Honours BA program (such as Global Studies, English, Communication Studies, Sociology, Cultural Studies, Psychology or History). A minor in Women and Gender Studies is also available.
Honours Combination BA and Minor:
Department Information on this page
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HAGERSTOWN, Md. -- Some supporters of an Army private charged with aiding the enemy released a leaked audio recording Tuesday of Pfc. Bradley Manning explaining why he sent hundreds of thousands of classified documents to the anti-secrecy website WikiLeaks.
The Freedom of the Press Foundation, a group co-founded by Pentagon Papers leaker Daniel Ellsberg, posted the 68-minute recording of Manning's voice on its website. The group also posted an edited, five-minute version on YouTube, featuring Manning's rationale for sending WikiLeaks an unclassified video of a deadly 2007 Army helicopter attack on civilians in Iraq.
The recording was from a Feb. 28 court-martial pretrial hearing at Fort Meade, near Baltimore. News organizations reported on Manning's' statement at the time, but spectators were prohibited from recording the proceedings. Those in the courtroom were searched for recording equipment beforehand, and about two dozen reporters watching a closed-circuit video feed in a separate building had to agree in writing not to record the hearing.
The recording posted by the foundation contains typing sounds that suggest it was made in the media center.
The Army said in a statement it has notified the military judge that there was a violation of the "Rules for Court."
"The U.S. Army is currently reviewing the procedures set in place to safeguard the security and integrity of the legal proceedings, and ensure Pfc. Manning receives a fair and impartial trial," the statement read.
Ellsberg said he doesn't know who made the recording or gave it to his group, which raises funds for open-government advocates, including WikiLeaks. The 81-year-old former Pentagon analyst said in a telephone interview from Berkeley, Calif., that a foundation member brought the recording to the group's directors, who decided after a heated debate to publish it.
He said Manning, who has been locked up for more than 2 1/2 years awaiting trial, deserves to have his voice heard outside the courtroom.
"We thought that it was time for the public to hear his voice for the first time," Ellsberg said.
In his statement, Manning acknowledged he was the source of the leaks. He said he leaked the material, including State Department cables and secret battleground reports, to expose the American military's "bloodlust" and disregard for human life in Iraq and Afghanistan.
At the same hearing, Manning pleaded guilty to 10 reduced charges. But the government still intends to prove him guilty of all 22 original counts, including aiding the enemy and espionage, at a trial beginning in June. Aiding the enemy carries a maximum sentence of life in prison.
The Bradley Manning Support Network, which raises funds for Manning's defense, praised the release of the recording.
"If it were not for the unnecessary and unwarranted pretrial confinement imposed by the military, Bradley would have been free to read this statement without limitation. There is no doubt that Bradley meant to have his statement shared widely," Jeff Paterson, a support group board member, said in an email.
Paterson said the support network wasn't involved in recording or releasing the audio.
Manning attorney David Coombs didn't respond to questions from the AP.
Military legal expert Victor M. Hansen, a professor at the New England School of Law in Boston, said court-martial rules don't specifically prohibit recording, but military judges have discretion to impose such restrictions.
On the Web: https://pressfreedomfoundation.org/blog/2013/03/fpf-publishes-leaked-audio-of-bradley-mannings-statement


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The Met Office has issued a weather warning for fog for West Yorkshire.
The yellow 'be aware' warning is valid from 9pm this evening (Sunday) until 12pm on Monday.
A Met Office spokesperson said: "A slack, moist airmass lying across much of England will allow fog to readily form again on Sunday night, reducing visibility to less than 100 m at times. Fog will slowly lift and clear from many places through Monday."
"Travel may be impacted by poor visibility, with some minor disruption expected."


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10 tablespoons butter
6 oz. semi-sweet chocolate
3 oz unsweet chocolate
4 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup ground pecans
1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
Preheat the oven to 350 and lightly grease an 8″ springform pan
1. Melt chocolate and butter together until smooth
2. In an large mixing bow, whisk eggs and sugar until frothy. Stir in the vanilla extract.
3. Stir in melted chocolate and butter, slowly, stirring constantly.
4. Add the ground pecans and cinnamon, stir until well combined.
5. Pour the pan, cover outside of pan with foil and bake for 20-25 minutes.
* I am linking this recipe to the Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday PARTIES. Why don't you visit the wonderful hosts and link some of your own projects!?


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Alone, the dollar sign, the pound sign, the asterisk and the exclamation point seem harmless enough.
But combine them in a certain order and the morals of our children could be threatened.
That's the essence of the silly argument posed by the Parents Television Council, which is slammingCBS for daring to call a planned new sitcom "$#*! My Dad Says."
The show, starring William Shatner, is based on the popular Twitter account maintained by Justin Halpern, who was forced a couple years ago to move back in with his parents. He made the best of the situation by tweeting his cranky seventy-something father's often-profane bursts of armchair philosophy.
"The dog is not bored. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a f------ Rubik's Cube," is just one earthy example.
The Twitter account has amassed more than 1.3 million followers, and Halpern's Boswellian efforts also filled a book called, "S___ My Dad Says."
That's a somewhat bawdier rendering of the title than the symbol-laden version offered by CBS, which refers to the show, orally, as "Bleep My Dad Says" – and asks that journalists do the same.
All that, though, isn't good enough for the PTC.
"CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS' latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public," PTC President Tim Winter said in a statement last week.
The conservative TV watchdog group is threatening to wage an "unrelenting campaign" against the show's advertisers and will challenge the broadcast license of every network affiliate that airs the program before 10 p.m. (the show is scheduled to run Thursdays at 8:30 p.m.)
CBS responded with a promise that "$#*! My Dad Says" will "in no way be indecent and will adhere to all CBS standards." The network also noted the show can be blocked using the VChip.
The flap marks the latest public outcry from the PTC, which has set itself up as the moral guide to all things TV – firing off press releases and, in some cases, calling on followers to flood the FCC with complaints.
The PTC most famously went after CBS in 2004 when the (apparently) accidental, momentary exposure of Janet Jackson's breast at the Super Bowl threatened to bring down western civilization. The PTC took credit for spurring 65,710 of the more than 500,000 complaints received by the FCC.
More recently, when Howard Stern mused about joining the judge's panel of "American Idol," the PTC launched a pre-emptive strike, warning to Fox to steer clear of the shock jock.
Another Fox show, "Family Guy," has been a repeat target of the PTC, which blasted this month's 150th episode special, an installment that reached new depths (or heights, depending on your view) in both scatological humor and mushy sentimentality.
"Family Guy" isn't for everybody, which is why the four words you hear before the theme song are "viewer discretion is advised." "$#*! My Dad Says" may not be everybody's preferred way of spending a half hour, with or without the kids. Watch or don't watch.
Either way, it seems unlikely that exposure to the word "bleep," a bleeping sound and a collection of symbols used for decades in comic strips to connote anger would do anyone irreparable harm.
There are rational discussions and reasonable disagreements to be had on whether some words are appropriate for primetime, commercial, television. The most absurd aspect of the fuss over the new Shatner show is that the controversy doesn't center on a particular word as much as it does the suggestion of a word that isn't seen or heard.
That's a regression from the debate started nearly four decades ago when the late George Carlin's "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" routine became fodder for an obscenity case that eventually wound up before the U.S. Supreme Court. The court ruled the FCC has a right to prohibit broadcasts with "indecent" content when children are likely to be in the audience.
Years later, Carlin noted in a routine about slurs, "They're only words. It's the context that counts. It's the user, the intention behind the user that makes them good or bad. Words are completely neutral. The words are innocent."
Sam Halpern, apparently reacting to the PTC complaints, expressed similar sentiments Friday, via his son's Twitter account.
"They're offended? F---, s---, a-----e, s--tf--k; they're just words...Fine. S--tf--k isn't a word, but you get my point."
Somewhere, Carlin must be laughing his @$$ off.
Hester is founding director of the award-winning, multi-media NY City News Service at the City University of New York Graduate School of Journalism. He is the former City Editor of the New York Daily News, where he started as a reporter in 1992. Follow him on Twitter.


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Here's a list of restaurants that responded to our call to publicize their Valentine's Day weekend specials.
AMERICAN HARVEST EATERY, 3241 W. Iles Ave., is preparing a five-course champagne dinner for two Friday.
Entree selections include duck agnolotti in a pecan sauce and salt-and-vinegar chicken thighs. The cost is $140 per couple.
This meal and a variety of a la carte selections will replace the regular menu on Valentine's Day. For reservations, call 546-8300.
AMERICAN HARVEST EATERY chefs Jordan and Aurora Coffey also crafted the menu for a limited seating dinner Feb. 16 at DANENBERGER FAMILY VINEYARDS.
The meal costs $200 per couple and includes wine pairing from the New Berlin vineyard. The six-course meal builds to a ricotta cavatelli lamb sugo and smoked beef tenderloin.
Dinner begins at 6 p.m. Reservations required. The vineyard's number is 488-6321.
The chefs at ROSS ISAAC, 1710 S. MacArthur Blvd., have prepared a couple's meal for Valentine's weekend.
The package includes Angus filet mignon and cold-water lobster tail, mashers and salads for two with a house shrimp cocktail and strawberries Romanoff to share. The cost is $110.
The special is available Friday and Saturday, with kitchen hours from 5-10:30 p.m. For reservations, call 744-7677.
A four-course fondue for two will be served at Z BISTRO, 220 S. Sixth St.
The meal includes cheese, meat and dessert fondue courses and a salad. The cost is $50 per couple, or $65 with a bottle of house wine.
The special is available Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 4:30-9 p.m. For reservations, call 522-4049.
AUGIE'S FRONT BURNER, 109 S. Fifth St., has a special Valentine's menu Friday and Saturday.
Entree selections range from grass-fed beef filets to Canadian cold-water lobster tail, Szechuan half duckling to salmon from the Faroe Islands. For reservations, call 544-6979.
MARIO'S ITALIAN RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA is pairing steak with a choice of fried shrimp, white roughy or seafood ravioli for $15.99 on Valentine's Day.
The special is available at both locations: 3073 Clear Lake Ave., 523-2211, and Piper Glen, 483-6888.
AMBER JACK ALEHOUSE, 3150 Chatham Road, is featuring two Valentine's Day specials: a 12-ounce prime rib for $19.99 and a catfish dinner for $11.99.
Both meals come with vegetables, choice of potato or side dish, and choice of soup or salad. For reservations, call 787-5222.
Chocolate salami, macaroons, decadent cakes and "Romance-men" are among INCREDIBLY DELICIOUS' special offerings.
Three varieties of chocolate salami blend ganache with fruits, nuts and spices for $12.95 each. The 8-inch chocolate-strawberry-ganache cake costs $36.25, while the almond heart cakes and "Romance-men" gingerbread cookies are $2.95 each. Two varieties of macaroons — lychee-raspberry-rose and chocolate-strawberry — cost $2.25 each.
The bakery is at 925 S. Seventh St. Call 528-8548 to place an order.
The KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS COUNCIL 364, 2200 Meadowbrook Road, is hosting a dinner dance Valentine's Day.
Pork loin, potatoes, vegetable salad and roll are included in the meal, which begins at 6 p.m. Disc jockey Brad Schroeder will supply music from 7 to 11 p.m.
The cost is $40 per couple. Reservations required. To reserve a spot, email email@example.com.
Homemade lasagna and prime rib are the Valentine's weekend specials at FULGENZI'S TRATTORIA & CATERING in Chatham.
The lasagna meal costs $14.99. The prime rib dinner is $19.99 for the 8-ounce cut, $21.99 for the 12-ounce cut. For reservations, call 483-6133.
A Valentine Murder Mystery Dinner will be held Friday at THE YELLOW ROSE BANQUET HALL in Riverton.
The meal features beef tenderloin in a cream sauce, salad, potatoes, a vegetable blend and dessert. The event runs from 6 to 9:30 p.m. The cost is $45 per person.
Reservations are required by Tuesday. To reserve a ticket, call 314-9125 or email email@example.com.
BISTRO VERDE — Lincoln Land Community College's student-run cafe — is now open for lunch twice a week.
Students will prepare and serve meals from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays at the bistro, located in the Workforce Career Center on the Springfield campus.
Nancy Sweet, the college's culinary operations manager, said opening to the public provides hands-on learning opportunities for students in dining room operations and food production classes.
"Students learn what it truly means to run and manage a restaurant," Sweet said.
A casual bistro menu will be available initially with selections like a local beef burger on pretzel bun or the twist on a traditional BLT prepared with kale, tasso ham and smoked shrimp. The atmosphere and menu will switch to fine dining March 27.
Bistro Verde's operations coincide with LLCC's spring semester. The facility will be closed March 8-16 for midsemester break, and the final lunch will be April 24.
Reservations are required and can be made by phone at 786-2821 or by emailing firstname.lastname@example.com.
ROSS ISAAC, 1710 S. MacArthur Blvd., now has Sunday hours and a brunch menu.
The restaurant is open from 9:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Sundays. The brunch menu takes a twist on traditional fare with items like corned beef hash Benedict, shrimp and grits and stuffed French toast.
The complete brunch menu — as well as daily offerings — is posted on the restaurant's new website, www.rossisaac.net. A reservation link also is available on the website.
Ryan Lewis has joined the kitchen staff, helping create new menu items. Lewis is an LLCC culinary instructor and has previously worked at CAFE BRIO and AMERICAN HARVEST EATERY.
A free tea tasting will be held Saturday at EDGAR'S COFFEE HOUSE & BOOK NOOK in Chatham.
Mark Herriott of Columbia Street Roastery and Edgar's assistant manger Tim Showalter will lead the tasting, which begins at 1 p.m. Full-leaf teas will be explained and sampled.
The Wapella Fire Department received a free thermal imaging camera from FIREHOUSE SUBS, 4101 Wabash Ave., this week.
The donation — in excess of $8,200 for the camera that detects body heat and hot spots in burning buildings — was presented to the rural McLean County department Thursday at the Springfield restaurant.
The Florida-based chain's nonprofit Firehouse Subs Public Safety Foundation has given $8.3 million — of which more than $166,800 has been distributed in Illinois — to first-responders and public safety organizations since it was founded in 2005.
BAKERS SQUARE will provide free pie samples to anyone donating blood Tuesday at the Central Illinois Community Blood Center.
The center, 1134 S. Seventh St., is open from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. For an appointment, call 866-448-3253 or visit www.bloodcenterimpact.org. Walk-ins accepted.
The A La Carte column highlights restaurant openings, closings, renovations and relocations, as well as personnel changes and business news. Natalie Morris can be reached at 737-7254 or by email at email@example.com.


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Cutting Up: Stereophile's Liszt Piano Sonata LP
Although we did record backup analog tapes at the 1993 Sonata sessions, the edited four-track master existed only in digital form, as 18 gigabytes of 20-bit data on the Sonic Solutions digital audio workstation hard drives. The sound quality of these 20-bit data was actually analoglike in that it was free from high-frequency glare and other digital artifacts. It also offered a view into the acoustic of the Albuquerque church that the 16-bit noise-shaped CD, as good as we felt it to sound, only hinted at (see Larry Archibald's sidebar comments).
The CD had been mastered from a CD-R, which in turn had been created from a two-channel mixdown from the four individual 20-bit microphone tracks, noise-shaped to 16-bit resolution with the Meridian 518 processor. For the LP, an identical two-channel master tape but with 20-bit resolution would be played back on a Nagra-D digital tape recorder with the data decoded to analog by a Mark Levinson No.30.5 D/A processor. (The Levinson has a 20-bit signal path and true 20-bit resolution.) The analog signal would feed the Neumann cutting lathe at AcousTech Mastering, the facility shared by RTI and Acoustic Sounds.
However, as we were reminded by veteran cutting engineer Stan Ricker, the lathe's computer needs enough advance warning of changes in the signal's envelope to optimize the track pitch to accommodate the music's dynamic range. When an LP master is cut from an analog tape, a special preview playback head provides this advance warning, but this is not possible with a digital tape. The answer was simple. As only two of the Nagra's four tracks are used for the stereo master data, I duplicated the data on the other two tracks, but advanced in time by about two seconds. These second two tracks could be used to feed the lathe's preview computer with the exact preview time adjusted with a Lexicon Model 300 digital delay unit. (This unit output the analog preview signal but was not in the signal path for the cutting.)
To capture the sound of Bob Silverman's 9' Steinway D, Robert Harley and I had used a central Schoeps "Sphere" stereo microphone, with outrigger B&K omni mikes (see sidebar). Because there's a significant difference signal between the channels, a result of the "bloom" added to the sound by the spaced-omni mikes, I asked Stan Ricker if cutting this LP would present any problems. He laughed, and reminded me that he had cut some of the early Delos albums in the late '70s, which he had recorded with spaced omnis. "The engineer's art is to cut what's on the tape," he told me, "not to compromise it to make the cutting or the playback easier."
It was with some trepidation, therefore, that I lowered my Linn Arkiv phono cartridge into the lead-in groove of the test pressing. Although the groove's vertical velocity is large, the Arkiv could track it set to 1.9gm downforce. I breathed a sigh of relief. Wes Phillips's Transfiguration also had no problem staying in contact with the groove walls—I'll leave it to him to give a blow-by-blow account of the cutting and to analog maven Michael Fremer to decide whether we were successful.—John Atkinson


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Asuuming no major trades are yet to happen and the 25 man roster will have to come from players currently uunder the Reds control here is who I see go north,
Pitching--- Rotation---
Graves, will be opening day pitcher.
Dempster, Will be the number two man in spite of a poor spring
Haynes, the Reds are committed to him with that dumb players option.
Wilson equally dumb back loaded contract.
Harnish--- This years Portugal but will make it out of Spring Training.
Williamson--- will be named closer and will keep it as long as he finds the plate.
Reidling--- Will give Willy run for his money, but will be the set up man unless willy's can't keep the plate
Reitsma---Not enough consistancy to start will flurish in the Pen, might become an excellen closer.
Rijo--- Will make it as the long-mop up man
Chen-- One of two lefty's will be used in longer situations.
Heridia-- Will be the Lefty specialist.
The Reds IMHO will carry just 11 pitchers out of ST, however will probablly go to 12 early.
Larue Will be the starter
Stinnet--- His contract makes him Unlikely to be traded.
Casey--- If healthy the everyday first baseman.
Boone--Will suprise everyone with his fielding at second, also will get off to a good start.
Larkin--- I think has one last all star year in him will have excellent season.
Larson--- the Reds are committed to him as opening day third baseman.
Castro--- Untradable, will be the back up middle infielder.
Dawkins-- Out of options, will stick as second back up infielder and speed off the bench.
Backup corner infielder,,, This has me stumped Ideally this spot calls for some one who can play first and third both. Which would be Branyon, However he will start out on the DL. The Reds might Keep Lopez, but I think he is best served but playing everyday. Danny Leon signed elsewhere. This is the Spot that might be sacrified if we carry 12 pitchers. This Blanco that we picked up from Boston might fill this role if he comes out hot in ST.
Griffey--If healthy he is the everyday Center fielder.
Kearns--Another no Brainer.
Dunn-- Is Starting Left fielder unless Casey was traded.
Taylor--- Better then alot think, If he learned to bunt in the instructional league could of great value as number four OF. Also the only true centerfield back up.
Mateo-- Out of Options will be #5 OF unless included in a trade.
Notable Missing men---
Popokec--- DL
Davis-AAA standing by for a failuer in lefty relief or rotation.
Acevado---AAA-- First callup when starter fails
Basham---Top big a jump from A to the majors.
Merker--Nothing left
White---Too expensive for too little, will be traded.
Sullivan---see White
Miller--Has options doomed to AAA. Will see time when injury happens.
Sardinha---AA-- Hopefully willl do well, will be out of options next year, which might doom Miller to AAA again.
Lopez. See above will be best serve by starting every day in AAA, If Larkin goes down or Boone goes back to third look for Lopes to start.
Branyon DL. Will be on DL first month of season and rehab. If Larson doing well he might end up being traded, other wise platoon with Brandon.
Pena--- DL until the Augest, rehab until the end of the month Active for only September.
Guelian-- Non Garenteed contract seals his fait, will be cut at the end of the spring.


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Today Papa Kenn gives his thoughts on the latest 3D animated film from Disney Pixar: MONSTERS UNIVERSITY! Does the prequel to Monsters Inc stand up alongside its predecessor, or is it just a mediocre addition to the franchise? Plus, as a new format to the show, Papa Kenn shares the thoughts of other independent reviewers and online friends!
"Monsters University"
Director: Dan Scanlon
Writers: Dan Scanlon, Daniel Gerson, Robert L. Baird
Starring: Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Helen Mirren, Nathan Fillion, Peter Sohn, Joel Murray, Sean Hayes, Dave Foley, Charlie Day, Alfred Molina, Aubrey Plaza
Exceeding my expectations as a prequel to the beloved Pixar film Monsters Inc, I could not have been happier with Monsters University. It's a great animated family film, and I highly recommend it to anyone that enjoyed the original.


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Shimmering glitter finish massagers with cap that doubles as a shower hook. 2-speed vibrations
Materials: ABS
Size Length: 6.25 inches
Size Width: 1.25 inches
Multi Speed, Vibrates, Water Based Lubricant Recommended, Waterproof
Disclaimer: All models are 18 years of age or older. This page is intended solely for viewing by an adult audience. You will not allow anyone under the legal age of 18 to have any access to materials contained within. The product descriptions and the statements on this page are from manufacturers and/or distributors and have not been evaluated by VitaSprings. VitaSprings does not imply any medical claims from the customer reviews on this product, and is not responsible for any product sold on or through this site or any claims of quality or performance made on or through this site.
Disclaimer: Designated trademarks and brands are the property of their respective owners.
Statements made, or products sold through this website,
have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Read more.
Copyright ©2001-2019 VitaSprings.com Online Store - All Rights Reserved.


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NAIA Volleyball Player of the Week ? No. 5
By Chad Waller, Director of Communications and Sports Information
KANSAS CITY, Mo. – Kristin Pressley of Oklahoma Baptist has been named the NAIA Volleyball National Player of the Week, the national office announced Tuesday. Pressley was selected based on her performances from Sept.30 - Oct. 6 and was chosen out of a pool of conference player of the week selections among 23 conferences and independents.
Pressley wins the award for the second-straight week and becomes the first NAIA player since Paula Ferreira of Columbia (Mo.) in 2011 to be selected twice in the same season.
Pressley, a 5-foot-11 senior outside hitter averaged 4.63 kills per set, 3.94 digs per set and 0.88 blocks per set for Oklahoma Baptist last week. The 12th-ranked Bison went 4-0 overall with three victories against Top 25 opponents. The native of Mansfield, Texas, highlighted her week with a 20-kill, 23-dig effort in a 3-2 (25-22, 22-25, 15-25, 25-15, 15-11) win over No. 23 Grand View (Iowa) on Oct. 5. In the five-set Bison win (15-25, 25-17, 23-25, 25-23, 18-16) over No. 13 Bellevue (Neb.) on Oct. 4, Pressley finished with a week-best 23 kills and five block assists. Pressley is first in the NAIA in kills per game (4.6) and fourth in total kills (355).
For a complete list of all the national statistical leaders, click here.
Nominees: Wanessa Siqueira, Park (Mo.); Chelsea Breaden, Bryan (Tenn.); Maselina Semaia, La Sierra (Calif.); Casey Loper, Eastern Oregon; Kaia Lenzi, Olivet Nazarene (Ill.); Calah Kruse, Grace (Ind.); Joni Nagy, Montana State-Northern; Le Mi, Concordia (Calif.); Karlie Schut, Northwestern (Iowa); Zyra Wright, Philander Smith (Ark.); Hannah Bettge, Baker (Kan.); Victoria Day, Ashford (Iowa); Bailey Burnett, Friends (Kan.); Micayla Speidel, IU Kokomo; Alexa Just, Lindsey Wilson (Ky.); Annie Benson, Bellevue (Neb.); Maddie McElroy, St. Ambrose (Iowa); Stacey Schuller, Dakota State (S.D.); Danica Markovic, Texas at Brownsville; Bailey Nations, Mobile (Ala.); Carol Reis, Southeastern (Fla.); Emilie Freeman, Madonna (Mich.).
2013 NAIA Volleyball Players of the Week (complete schedule)
Week 1 (Sept. 10) - Kaitlin Floerchinger, Northwestern (Iowa)
Week 2 (Sept. 17) - Daymari Brito, Freed-Hardeman (Tenn.)
Week 3 (Sept. 24) - Taylor Degraaf, Cal State San Marcos
Week 4 (Oct. 1) - Kristin Pressley, Oklahoma Baptist
Week 5 (Oct. 8) - Kristin Pressley, Oklahoma Baptist


text: Red Bulls RDS girls parade down Canyon of Heroes with U.S. Women's National Team July 19, 2015 09:38 PM Tweet © HARRISON, N.J. – Friday July 10, 2015 was a special day to honor women's accomplishments, thanks to the 2015 FIFA World Cup champion U.S. Women's National Team (USWNT). The momentous occasion marked the first ever ticker tape parade for a women's team in New York City, and the Red Bulls Regional Development School (RDS) girls were there to enjoy it alongside their role models. Prior to the event, it was announced that the New York Red Bulls would have a float in the parade down the Canyon of Heroes. In honor of women's youth soccer, the Red Bulls float featured four RDS girls and Anna Rose, a local Special Olympics goalkeeper whose dream was to be like her hero, Hope Solo. On the float with the young players were Marguerite Ferrell, Senior Manager of Coach Recruitment and Education, and Molly Brady, Social Media Manager, to honor the work they've done to promote women's soccer in the area. On the morning of the parade, the RDS girls and Rose were able to meet their heroes, collecting photographs and autographs. One RDS player, Briana, wore a tall, festive red, white and blue top hat. As she met USWNT player Sidney Leroux, the star forward expressed interest in the top hat and wore the now famous headwear throughout the day's festivities. As for Rose, she was able to meet her favorite goalkeeper, Solo, a dream come true. Following the reception, the RDS girls boarded the float and rode down the Canyon of Heroes in front of the masses that formed in Manhattan, screaming "USA!" until their voices disappeared. It was a special day for women and women's soccer, enjoyed and never to be forgotten for all who participated. The following weekend, the same RDS girls featured in the girls summer showcase teams in the Under-10 and Under-14 age groups. Both teams entered in the top brackets of the Central Jersey Invitational, and both teams emerged as champions. The young RDS ladies, who participated in the #SheBelieves campaign to promote confidence in achieving anything through hard work and devotion, certainly display these characteristics on and off the pitch. For more information on the RDS and RDS girls programs, visit the RDS home page. Back to news


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OK this tutorial is going to be very lengthy and packed with much information. We will be new tricks and techniques to manipulate php to do what we want.
Safe.php is a page we are going to create to save our most request variables from the database like $name , $money , $rank etc etc. We are making safe so that we don't have to keep creating mysql query on every page to connect to users and get us information. It is like a safe that has valuables. Safe is also going to contain other information that we are going to use to check the last time the user is active on the website ( this information will be used on users online). We will also use to check if the user's session is active and valid (if not we log them out). In a more Advance use we are going to put little function which we will use when an user has certain amount of exp it will rank up their account and send them a message saying so(Which we will talk more about later). So in a way safe is really like a real safe with many valuables and information on an user which can be precious.
Let Begin.
Step One - Creating our safe. Create a safe page called Safe.php ( you can called it anything you wish) to really test our safe work we are going to use it on Sample.php which we created in the last tutorial.
If you remember on Sample we made a Logout link to destroy our session but if you were to type in Sample.php it will take you to the sample page and display the information without login. We want to make it co that if an user were to type in Sample.php without a valid session it will redirect them to the login page.
On Safe.php create a connection to the database and put it on line one.
<? include_once("connect.php"); ?>
On your Mysql database we need to add a field to the users to hold when last the were online and active. Add this field to the 'users' table in the database.
lastactive varchar(255) NOT NULL,
with the field added to the database add the following to capture the last active and also to check if a user have a valid session.
<? if(isset($_SESSION['user_id'])) { // Login OK, update last active $sql = "UPDATE users SET lastactive=NOW() WHERE id='".mysql_real_escape_string($_SESSION['user_id'])."'"; mysql_query($sql); }else{ header("Location: index.php"); exit(); } ?>
NOW() is a pre-built function to insert the current time and date. Back on Your Sample page add the following below on line one on top of any html code.
<? require("Safe.php"); ?>
If everything is done correctly and if you login on the sample page without login it will redirect you to the index page. Then if you login you can see on the database that last active is set with the date and time. Well Done you have just create the inside game. Now we have separated the login page to the inside game.
Step Two - Calling a Global Mysql Query
We are going to call a mysql query to go to the database and fetch the basic information on the user and it will be stored on safe when the session is valid, and on every page we create we are going to include Safe.php on the top so that the we can just type in like $name we out calling anything, because it has being done on Safe already. Add this on safe.php
$sql = "SELECT * FROM users WHERE id='".mysql_real_escape_string($_SESSION['user_id'])."'"; $query = mysql_query($sql) or die(mysql_error()); $row = mysql_fetch_object($query); $id = htmlspecialchars($row->id); $userip = htmlspecialchars($row->userip); $name = htmlspecialchars($row->name); $sitestate = htmlspecialchars($row->sitestate); $password = htmlspecialchars($row->password); $mail = htmlspecialchars($row->mail); $money = htmlspecialchars($row->money); $exp = htmlspecialchars($row->exp); $rank = htmlspecialchars($row->rank); $health = htmlspecialchars($row->health); $points = htmlspecialchars($row->points);
that's all we need for Safe.php for now.
Left.php and Right.php
OK look at this image because this is the basic structure of the game
Where the links are is the Left.php and the player information is the right.php. On each page we create for the game like users online we are going to include both left and right.php.
Step One - Left.php
The reason why we have the links on different pages is because when we make changes to one link we dont have to go changing it on every page, this makes our life easier.
Create a page called Left.php. On that page we dont need to connect to database all we need to do is include Safe.php Like this.
<? include_once("Safe.php"); ?>
Then add this html that contain a table with a couple of rows. Look it over and understand it. This is where our links are going to be, to link players from one page to another.

 Main Game

 Some Links here

 Social

 More links here

 LogOut

Don't worry the reason why we didn't close that table we opened is because we are going to close it on Right.php so when right and left are included on the same page the will act as one.
Thats all for Left.php for now. No links added and the only php is to connect to our safe.php. Now for our right.
Step Two - Right.php
Now this is the beauty part, because we have included Safe.php on Left.php we dont have to do it on Right.php, the reason for that is it is the both pages will be displayed at the same time on the page so information will get passed from left to right and from right to left. So with that in mind all you need on Right.php is

 Players information

 Players information here.

The reason why we have a closed table tag here is because we opened it on Left.php dont worry is not a syntax error in the code. You will see the finish will be awesome you will see.
The Users online page allows us to see who is online playing the game. We are focusing more on the php assuming you know the html.
Step One - design
Create a page Called Usersonline.php and add the following html with php.
<? require("Left.php"); ?>

 Users online

 Users list here

   <? require("Right.php"); ?>
Now if you run all our scripts and login and direct to Usersonline.php you should see this
Step Two - PHP Code.
The php code for this is sample.Add the following code in the html code where it says User list here
<?php $sql = "SELECT name FROM users WHERE DATE_SUB(NOW(),INTERVAL 5 MINUTE) <= lastactive ORDER BY id ASC"; // Searches the database for every one who has being last active in the last 5 minute $query = mysql_query($sql) or die(mysql_error()); $count = mysql_num_rows($query); $i = 1; while($row = mysql_fetch_object($query)) { $online_name = htmlspecialchars($row->name); echo "$online_name."; // displays the names that fit our search if($i != $count) { // this counts the amount of people that are online and display the results. echo " - "; } $i++; } echo "
Total Online: ".$count."
"; ?>
the code above searches the database for everyone who lastactive has a 5 minute interval. Which means for every one who has clicked and updated their lastactive in the last 5 minutes.
Ok i am going to Run some improvements that you should to do to improve your game so far.
- Add a users online link under the main game on Left.php Like shown below on the HTML CODE.

 Main Game

 Users online

 Social

 More links here

 LogOut

- On the index page redirect users to Usersonline instead of Sample.php
I know i said that we were going to do a mini forum in this part but there is too much information here already for you to play with. you an experiment with different ways of displaying your site. Find a way that works best for you and remember KISS (KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID). I know you are egar to get on and be designing with fancy photoshop but this isn't the stage for that, as you can see for no wall that happens is someone can create an account and login to a users online page that tells them who else is online. In the next part we are going to start with a mini forum.
Please post any improvements of your own or if you see any errors / mistake. Thanks
See you in part 5
Mod: the code can be found here:
This post has been edited by modi123_1: 08 January 2014 - 09:03 PM