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32 Things To Do Before 42August 19, 2010 at 9:55 am | Posted in I's for reals, Me myself I and me again | 2 Comments
Tags: life list, photographer, to do list
(Inspired by moosh in indy's forty by forty post.)
(She's lovely and candid and I have a half-dozen listings that she has because don't we all?)
1… get a passport.
2… settle on a business name and run with it.
3… teach Evan to read.
4… sell my work. Print it, frame it, exchange it.
5… plant a vegetable garden (and ya know, not kill it). Actually cook/eat veggies as opposed to letting them rot on the dining room table.
6… renovate something (successfully!) in my home.
7… go on a huge anniversary trip with my husband. Preferably, somewhere where you have to fly over an ocean to get to it.
8… go somewhere spectacular just to shoot with photographer friends (and I mean another country spectacular).
9… take Evan to Disneyworld.
10… make NICU bags for parents of new preemies. (Kinda like these)
11… write a children's book.
12… get a present from Tiffany's in a Tiffany's box.
13… pay off all my debts. (And not acquire them again)
14… make a couple more attempts at talking my husband into another child without driving him into the mad house.
15… create Evan's family tree. (An comprehensive one and a beautiful, handmade one)
16… start a new family tradition.
17… photograph the Aegean Sea and Islands and surrounding countries. (Maybe combining with #7 or #8?)
18… read a series of books of historical accounts and the origins of the major and minor religions.
19… create a legal will.
20… loose 30ish pounds.
21… change someone's mind to the better.
22… stop drinking pop altogether (or Coke if you're from Georgia) / (or soda or soft drinks if you're from other places).
23… host Thanksgiving dinner and cook everything from scratch.
24… have a surprise party (but someone else would have to throw it because I would know and…nevermind).
25… take Evan camping.
26… adorn my walls with photographs everywhere.
27… raise $5,000 for the March of Dimes ($945 down, $4,055 to go!)
28… host a kick-ass party. One where you watch the sun rise before you head to bed.
29… stay at a super swanky hotel. Eat at one of their super swanky restaurants. Order lots of room service.
30… photograph the stars with an open shutter.
31… participate with Evan in a charity event every year. Each year something different.
32… have my portrait done. Like it.
What's on your list? Not only what you HAVE to do but what you WANT to do as well.
STFUJune 30, 2010 at 3:09 pm | Posted in I shouldn't have even posted this, I's for reals, Me myself I and me again, Pain | 2 Comments
Tags: Endometriosis, FU, Pain
So. This post has been sitting in my draft file for-evah. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it for 3 reasons.
- There is a lot of cursing involved.
- There is a lot of talking about lady bits and their malfunctions.
- No one likes a complainer.
Here are the reasons I posted it anyway.
- The cursing is APPROPRIATE for me in this post. Besides, I have a feeling no one really fucking cares about it anyway. Damnit.
- My lady readers are not weirded out by lady bits. If they are they need to make friends with their lady bits. My male readers are way too hardcore to be weirded out by a little bit of lady bit talk. (If I'm wrong? YOU'VE BEEN WARNED)
- My knee-jerk? I'm not complaining. But, alas, there is some bitching going on here. However, awareness is good as in "Hi! I'm Endometriosis! I want to get stabby! Let's be friends!" and "Yes, I say I'm fine but I am in a lot of pain but you really don't want to hear about it because you've heard it before or you're more comfortable with talk of flesh wounds." Also? I just HAD to get this off of my chest and out of my draft file. Close or read on:
Endometriosis (from endo, "inside", and metra, "womb")
You know what's supposed to be inside my WOMB, Endometriosis? A baby. My womb is supposed to be a warm hospitable enviroment in which to grow a child.
And the misnomer, by the way, is a dick move. YOU aren't even INSIDE my WOMB. You're all outside of it… on my intestines and ovaries… hidden in corners like a little bitch.
You disguised yourself for years. Deceiving doctors and making me loopy with pain then making me question it. If no one can find anything, am I really in pain? Am I THAT much of a pain wuss?
You didn't show yourself until they opened me up and looked you in the eye. Burnt you. You hid and grew some more.
Then, just to trick fuck you, we conceived our baby boy. You hadn't invaded my tubes yet and you didn't make me infertile like you do 40% of us. (You are such an asshole)
Suddenly: Bliss. No pain.
He arrived and I was feeling fine until now. Now you're stabbing me and whispering in my ear:
"I'm rotting your insides"
"The pain's not going to stop"
"Are you sure you should take another pill?"
"You're going to have to get all your insides ripped out."
(That last was said all sing-song like, the prick!)
But you know what I'm really tired of? The way you're making me feel. The way I'm letting you make me feel. The sadness about a choice: hysterectomy or not – it could help (COULD being the operative word here) (Operative being the intentional pun there). I don't always get a choice when it comes to depression but right now I'm putting myself there. I'm opening the dark closet and pointing the way.
Fuck. That.
You know, Endo, you're just pain right now. Good, old-fashioned pain. WHOOP-TEE-DO! You couldn't even kill me if you wanted to. I've known LAUGHTER with a higher mortality rate.
So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to do what I always do with irritating bitches such as yourself. I'm going to ignore you. I'm going to roll my eyes at you when you're at your loudest and quietly be proud of that accomplishment. I'm going to label the bottle of pills my "STFU ENDO" pills.
That's right Endo, SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.
I'm getting down on the floor and playing with my son. I'm going to get out of bed and spend time with my family. I'm going to run. I'm going to gracefully live with your pain. And the next time I see you in the operating room? I'm totally going to kick your ass.
Birthday, Doctor, Roseola and LAS VEGAS!April 14, 2010 at 12:28 pm | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), I shouldn't have even posted this, It's OK to be confused... I am, Love and all that other mushy stuff, Me myself I and me again, The Others | Leave a comment
Tags: LAS VEGAS, Roseola, toddler
Here is your last few week's summaries of stuff that has been going on because for once things have been going on and I haven't been here to tell you and I'll try not to ramble on and on and on. (Damnit. I fail.)
1st – The first of the month is a hectic time at work for me. It's delicious. I have a big fat list of things to punch out and I love playing the work horse. Also the first was Evan's daycare Easter party and I had a dozen little eggs ready to go. I should have known the night before that we were in trouble. Evan was fussy and started getting feverish and Wayne called at about 8 or 9pm to tell me he got a flat tire on the way home from fishing. So while my husband was on the side of the highway changing his tire in the dark, I was struggling with bedtime and an ill toddler. The next morning, Evan's fever was at about 103 so I had to call in 'Kid Sick' to work. I miss the 1st of the month and Evan misses his party. I did get a lot done around the house. Eventually however, Evan was getting ultra-cuddley. Like, I would be standing on a step stool and he would climb up just to wrap his arms around my leg… or I would be washing the baseboard and he would lay his head in my lap. Finally I took him to cuddle on the couch and he fell asleep. I went back to cleaning and when he woke he was ON FIRE! Well, not literally kinda, but his temp was over 105! Panic Mommy in me wanted to run him to the ER or something but Level-headed Mommy saw that he was not acting sick… just a little uncomfortable. All night we were dosing him and making him sip water and trying to cool him off.
2nd – He woke up fever-less. I took him to daycare and went into work. Mid-day, I got a call that he was getting the fever back. Bummer. Wayne's sister got in town that day from West Virginia and we were really excited to see her. I picked Evan up and we went to Wayne's Grandmother's house. He still had a fever and he was cranky, but OK. Right before we went to leave, he started looking really unwell. I picked him up and as we were saying our good-byes, Evan became a fountain of vomit. 3 times. Right after a bottle. All over himself, me and Grandma's kitchen. Wayne changed Evan, I changed me and Grandma & Sister cleaned up the kitchen. I felt awful for everyone.
3rd – My birthday. I turned [inaudible] on this day. Evan's fever was down and Sister was still in town, so we went shopping and out to lunch. I spent the day fearing that Evan would become a fountain again. He did not.
4th – Easter Sunday. Evan's fever was gone and when he woke up we sent him downstairs to inspect his Easter basket.
He had a little rash on his neck. I figured it was from the fever or something along those uneducated lines. By the time we got to Grandma's house the rash was really kicking in. It covered his belly and back. He didn't seem bothered by it. He was still cranky. A cute little sourpuss.
5th – Back to daycare, back to work. Evan still had the rash but Ms Di was OK with him hanging out. Mid-day she calls and thinks it may be Roseola. I call the nurse and she says to come in for an appointment. Sure enough: Roseola. Too bad it's one of those ass backwards viruses that are all contagious but completely UNcontagious once any sort of symptom appears.
6th – The rash is still hanging out. I'm stressed because we are leaving in 2 days for Vegas. As in LAS VEGAS but with child. My bestest fabulous friend Stephanie is getting married on the 9th and we are all flying out to join her. Packing, or more-to-the-point OVERpacking.
7th – Evan is being a complete asshole butthead boogerhead. A cute asshole butthead boogerhead that I adore and love and is my pweashus! wittle! baybee!… but a temper tantrum throwing, inconsolable baybee as well. Ms Di says the word EAR and I place the word EAR with AIRPLANE THE NEXT DAY and call the nurse AGAIN. Nurse says EAR and APPOINTMENT and we head to the Doc's office AGAIN. Evan's mood is improving by then and by the time the doctor walks in the room Evan is ready to great him with a full on smile. "So, what's up?" Doc says. (As I'm editing… HAHAHAHHAHAHAAH!!!!1!! ROTFLMAO!! What's Up Doc. I SLAY me) "I'm here because my kid is super grumpy" I deadpan. Evan giggles. My god. Sure enough his ears might-just-be-looking-a-little-pink so let's-get-him-on-antibiotics-right-away because of the airplane situation, you know, TOMORROW. I spend the evening packing up the last of our stuff as my husband is out buying stuff he needs last-minute, which is good because if he didn't I would wonder what the aliens did with my REAL husband. Wayne's last-minute like that.
8th – I work until noon and head home to load the car and button up the house. Then I go to daycare to pick up and pajama-clad Evan. He gets strapped in and we drive the hour and a half to Wayne's work. We pick him up and quickly dash to the airport. And it's a damn good thing we did because I would hate not to arrive 3 hours before the flight takes off. SIGH. Evan runs UP the terminal and BACK to DADA over and over and over.
The flight goes OK and I have to switch this over to the
9th – because we are landing in Vegas and it's now the 9th. Just to sum that up for you. We get checked in and get up to the hotel room. And Mandalay Bay has no milk located in the miles and miles of its sin city acreage and I would say that they shouldn't… they should have vodka and NOT milk because it's VEGAS and not DISNEYWORLD but you would be SHOCKED at the amount of children I saw there. Even that late. Half of them weren't even drunk. Wayne ended up walking across the strip to an AM/PM for a gallon of milk and a cooler. It worked. We sleep. We wake.
We get together with THE BRIDE. We pool. Evan hates the pool. I get ready. I taxi to THE BRIDE's hotel. She get's ready.
I capture gorgeous bride.
Stranger takes picture of us.
We wait for non-english-speaking limo driver that is lost. We hop in the limo and head to the LAS VEGAS sign. Wayne is there with a passed out Evan who is awesomely so cute in a little white shirt and tie. We push through the masses and I listen and watch as THE BRIDE becomes THE WIFE. It was beautiful and I know she's so happy. Then we are all back in the limo and smushing and drinking champagne (well, except for me cause its icky and Evan because he was asleep. I'm kidding, he was awake but I didn't have his sippy cup. I kidding, I had a sippy cup with me but I was too lazy to take it out, so no champagne for him. I'm kidding for fuck's sake. I'm not lazy.) We arrive at dinner and are greeted with MEAT on a SWORD. I casually grab a diaper and some wipes to go change Evan and find no changing table. Restaurant is attached to hotel/mall – walking everywhere to find restroom with changing table – back in my seat lots of minutes later. After the noms on a stick, Wayne and I and Evan head out to catch a cab. Did you know that you can't catch a cab on the strip unless it's at a hotel? We did and yet we started walking anyway. OMG. Ouchy-foooty-ouchy. Hubby crying about shins in his splints or something. Evan chillin' in the stroller accepting hooker cards being handed out by non-english-speaking over aggressors. We walk from the Planet Hollywood hotel to Mandalay Bay. OMG.
10th – By today we make it back to our room. We pass the hell out. We eat. We pool. Evan still does not like the pool. We meet up with THE WIFE and THE HUSBAND and THE BEST MAN. We go eat. (Did I mention that Wayne has a couple in him?) Wayne is kinda drunk. We go to a restaurant that has a GINORMOUS BURGER that they will give you for free if you can eat it in 5 minutes and 20 seconds. Wayne is down for it. I am mortified. Evan's getting cranky. I leave early to get Evan situated and eating. Wayne comes back all WHOA BIG BURGER and falls asleep. I meet THE WIFE for FROYO and wish her a pleasant flight home. I go to bed at a decent hour.
11th – Our last day in LAS VEGAS. We eat and do touristy things.
We head to the airport. 4 hours early this time to shake things up. Evan falls asleep and
12th – we are mid-flight home. Wayne is headed right into work so I am on hold EVER HEAVIER baby during flight and don't let him kick neighbor and baby is only comfy if you are not. I turn into ZOMBIE. We land in Metro Detroit and I drive Wayne to work. I drive Evan to daycare. I drive my ass home and sleep. Sleeeeeep. Opps. I mean, Bwaaaaaains. Eh, I'm so confused.
Things are all sorts of normal now. Getting prepared for the March for Babies walk. Then 4 days later flying to Arizona and then 4 days after I get home from that flying to Florida. On Mother's Day. Without mah baybee. Again. Something to whine about on another day.
Hey there, thanks for reading the whole way through, you one person you! I have a unicorn for you.
This Is My Brain On MetaphorsNovember 10, 2009 at 12:29 pm | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), I have unleashed the crazy, I shouldn't have even posted this, I's for reals, Love and all that other mushy stuff, Me myself I and me again, Rewind, The Others | 2 Comments
Tags: suicide help resource bipolar
Years and years and years ago my mind was a mess. As you remember I'm Bipolar. I was always depressed and never consistent with my medication (if I was even taking it). Like a lot of people with similar issues, I had what some call "suicidal ideation". I had an out. I had a plan. It was like my morbid little teddy bear… if things got hairy I could snuggle up to that. Things weren't so bad if I always had that. That was also my little secret. Not many knew of my plan and those that did never knew about my back-up plans. I could tearfully confess that my teddy bear was there, destroy said teddy bear with the confessee and proclaim absolution, smile and grab other teddy bear out of hiding. Safe.
You might not understand how safe it feels to have a plan. On the outside looking in, things may not seem that safe at all. Life is precarious on a hair trigger (That would have been HILARIOUS a few years ago). You spend days terrified that something will set off your loved one and the plan gets carried out. It's terrifying to think about. But to me… it was safe.
Why the hell am I talking about suicide? Well, because things have changed for me. And things have not changed for a lot of other people. Things may not have changed for you. But it can.
This was my mind during the time of the teddy bear:
Confusing and loaded. There was nothing in there that told me, "Ya know Amber, that's kinda fucked up." And anyone that would say that (and many people did)… it just wouldn't get processed.
Then Wayne came along. My husband is NOT a bullshitter and he certainly isn't going to tell you what you want to hear. ESPECIALLY when it comes to this. He told me that if I committed suicide he would not go to my funeral but he may drop by later to piss on my grave.
The hell?
At first I was kinda pissed. I'm fragile, damnit! Kid gloves, sir! His view was that he loved me. He wanted me around as did a couple other people (heh), he said it would be selfish to do such a thing. And then I thought about people being pissed off at me after I was safe and felt like shit.
At long last my teddy bears were gone. Not forgotten, but not there. Wanted, but not an option. At first I felt trapped. Then I felt safe… with him. He became my Permanent Marker. He covered up some of the confusion and disaster in my mind. It was still there, but I really couldn't get to it:
A few more years crept by and my biological clock was ticking JUST! LIKE! THIS! Then this guy came into play:
I knew that of course there would be no more thoughts. No more plans. I "knew" it like I "knew" getting cut in half for him wasn't going to hurt. I convinced myself of it. I was a big fat FAIL if not.
Evan came along and suddenly things changed again. He was my Eraser:
Poof! It was gone. ALMOST not even there. But there's some residue left behind and I'm glad for that. I need to remember what it was like to feel that way. I need to try to recognize those souls that are cuddling with that teddy bear when I'm not looking. And, I guess, I had to tell you.
(There's HOPE and HELP. This is a good resource: http://www.preventsuicide.us/hopeline-new/)
(Will you find a Permanent Marker or better yet, an Eraser? I don't know. I hope so. That's what you should do too: HOPE.)
Pneumonia, Fails and Puppy Dog Tails.October 7, 2009 at 11:34 am | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), I's for reals, It's OK to be confused... I am, Me myself I and me again, The Others | Leave a comment
Happy Reunion Day!
It's been so long I feel like a need to throw one. I'm going to get some punch and balloons. I'll be the fat girl in the corner wearing the ill-fitting dress.
So September is over. Life isn't shiney… nor is it ever, but I'm not feeling particularly stabby either so that's good. Here's your run down.
The flu wore off and by the weekend I was wanting to get out of the house. Thinking that some walking would do me good, I took Evan up to the mall. Half way through I was wheezing. "Fuck. I'm REALLY out of shape." I was thinking. Monday morning I could scarcely breathe and I left work for bed. By the time I had to pick Evan up from daycare I was in really bad shape. I almost called Carrie to ask her if I could drop Evan off with her so I could visit the ER. However, I didn't know if I could even do that so I toughed it out. Later Evan was having a hard time getting to sleep because the mommy-machine wasn't singing to him. He'd lay his head down on my chest and then pop it up and give me the WTF face, "Sing Rocking Lady!" Oh well. Pneumonia goes away and I hope it never comes back.
This past weekend I took Evan to the Renaissance Festival. He was too adorable. His Grandma bought him a Jester's costume and he got his face painted. He also discovered that HE LOVES PICKLES. (Must find more ginormous pickles)
Evan's grandma later springs for a Psychic reading. I'm afraid I didn't hear all that she said. Something about writing a book. Being more confident (Read here and here about how cold readings are done).
Then she flipped over a card and looked at Evan. "Is he your only?"
"You're going to have one or two more"
"Ah. No. My husband doesn't want another and I got sick with him."
"Oh. OK."
Then she flips over another card. "Are you sure?"
Then she flips over another and another. "BE VERY VERY CAREFUL! If you are not planning for another, be careful of an opps baby. The last 4 cards have been fertility cards."
I ooze my need for fertility, people.
In related news, the Psychic's son was named Evan and she got sick with him too. And Evan's going to be a doctor. Obviously, he oozes smart. I could have told you that.
And the McNamara household would not be the same without some sickness going on. My 11 year old dog, Angel is sick. She has a condition called Addison's Disease and is currently in a Addisonian crisis. It used to be Cushing's Syndrome, but the vet overmedicated her for that and she got the opposite, Addison's. Every 23 days we have to take her into the vet for a steroid shot and every night she gets a steroid pill. Last year when I had Evan her shot went by the way side (she was due about the time I had Evan and that info was written on my calendar at work). She got really sick after about a month without her shot. She had to stay at the vets overnight for fluids. This time she was about 2 weeks late (Flu, pneumonia, and a husband working nights). She also hasn't been to the groomers and is WAY overdue. Well, she got sick fast. She should have some leeway and she got none. She's at the vet getting fluids now and she's still not doing well.
[if ((DOG = SICK) and (ME <> FULL PAYCHECK)) then "Extremely Screwed" else "Can pay bills only"]
Our other dog Homee is extremely pissed at the situation and showing it by pissING all up in the house. This combined with money and poor little sick dog never seeing fair hubby is very stressful. Throw in the fact that I had to block my Visa because some dumbass stole my number and used it online? Let's just say I am well within the right to double the Ativan. AND I HAVE.
September (part hopefully-the-only-one)September 18, 2009 at 12:39 pm | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), I shouldn't have even posted this, It's OK to be confused... I am, Me myself I and me again, The Others | 1 Comment
I would like to start today's blog post with a big EFF YOU to September. You've really lived up to expectations, September. I'm not close to death like last year but YOU STILL HAVE A FEW WEEKS. Try not to be a douche, September and chill out.
Anywho. It's been a while, I know. They say with depression you don't want to do the things that you normally like to do. So that means I love you Blog! Except today apparently.
Yes, the depression has rolled in with September as it normally does and I do believe I'm handling it pretty well. Although it's hard to tell what with family drama and my son's first birthday and the flu and Evan being sick and my Grandmother's cancer diagnosis, it could be justifiable white flag waving – closet hiding – exhausting sadness. Humm. Let's just say it's probably a combination of both.
I'm not standing in a gray room longingly staring out a window as my dog expectantly holds a leash in his mouth looking all disappointed with his puppy dog eyes. Depression's hard to make pretty for a commercial, y'all. It's just things inside. It's stress and fatigue. It's hopelessness in the face of hope. It's jumping half heartedly to reach your optimism before you say, "Fuck it" and sit. It's disorginization while you're trying to think of positive steps and you forget your footing. It's this paragraph: Depression just doesn't make sense.
September started with planning a first birthday party for Evan. Joyful, right? Noooo, stressful! Who is invited? Who's not speaking to whom? Who the hell did I invite? Who did I send an invitation to? Who was a throwing a birthday party for? Oh yeah, right. This little light of mine:
Seeing Evan is like taking a Xanax. You're all: WTF was I all worried about? Everything's OOooooo Kkaaaaaaaaaeeeeee. (You should only take Xanax with a prescription which I have. Or if you really trust your drug dealer.) Just knowing I'm about to see him lights up the dark. I'd sell bits of Evan to all the sad people out there but he's mine and I wuv him and I hear there could be a legal issue if you dismember children and do business without a tax id.
So then I got a call from my Grandma. When she was in the hospital she said they thought they saw something in one of her kidneys. She said they were going to do a scan. They scanned, they did a biopsy. She said it was cancer. She forgets the name. (This is one of the major suckages about living on the other side of the country). Then one day I say something about kidney cancer. She says that her sister had that. I say, well maybe it's hereditary. She says, it's not in my kidneys. I'm all, WHA? Nooooo, it's in her lungs because of course it's in her lungs and she told me it was in her lungs and she's a smoker with COPD and no, she's still smoking and yes, she can't breathe and noooo, she's not going to do this or that because that's stupid and I need to clean my house and stress out my granddaughter. I know people die. I'm OK with that. She says she's ready. What kills me is my need for her to pass with dignity and without any pain. I hear it doesn't always work that way. But that's my problem and my job is to be strong for her so SHUT UP ME!
Aaaaand then I got the flu. Swine or Influenza… I don't know. He shoved q-tips so far up my nose he could have collected brain and said, "Feel betta, bye now!" So I went and spent the week watching my one year old while fighting off the flu. Then of course HE got sick. Took him to the doctor so he could tell me it WASN'T the flu. And staying home from work for ANOTHER day to soothe my fevered, sleepy child with Motrin and some good old fashioned naps in the rocking chair. He had lots and lots of naps. The good ones where you drool. Those are the best.
There you have it. September still has some time to kick my ass a bit more and I'm sure she will. But October brings fall and apples and pumpkins and leaves and cider. And hopefully some good times.
StepsSeptember 3, 2009 at 2:55 pm | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), I's for reals, Love and all that other mushy stuff, Me myself I and me again, Putting on Baby Weight (Pregnancy), Rewind | Leave a comment
Tags: steps baby grow parenting
Our home was built in the 1970s. Due to this fact, we have a "mirror corner". It covers the corner of our living room from floor to ceiling. You can kinda see it in this photo in the upper left corner:
You can watch yourself in this mirror as you go down the stairs from the bedrooms.
I remember walking (ok, waddling) down those stairs about a year ago with my big pregnant belly. I'd catch myself in the mirror and unconsciously place a hand on my tummy.
Then a short time later, Evan was born. Wayne and I would so very carefully tip toe down the stairs. We would clutch the hand rail in one hand and hold not-even 5 pound Evan in the other. We would place ourselves in the exact middle of the staircase… careful not to accidentally bump his head into a wall on the way down. We'd search the area for our little dogs, not wanting to trip on them and hurt the baby. I remember pausing on the steps. I remember seeing a small fold of blankets in my arms as a gingerly inched down the stairs after my c-section. He was so tiny. You could scarcely see his face poking out of the swaddling blanket.
Soon after I was walking confidently down those stairs as I watched how natural it looked for me to be cradling an infant in my arms. I didn't need a handrail. Even the dogs knew to run down the stairs if I shouted, "GO!"
Months would pass I would see myself walking down those steps as I had Evan on my hip, tickling his side while we bounced down the stairs.
And again as I clutched a heavy sleepy Evan against my chest with his arms around my neck.
I pause on the steps and look into that mirror and realize that in a year Evan will be crawling up and down those steps on his own. I can see myself waiting and watching at the top of the steps as he slowly makes his way down.
I know in the future I will see Evan running up those steps to his room to go play. I can see him running up those steps to slam himself into his room because he's mad at me. I can see him rubbing his eyes as he stumbles down the steps in the morning for breakfast. I can see him missing a step one day and me kissing his boo-boo as he cries.
It's not easy to swallow the fact that this baby is going to be a kid one day. A kid that can walk and run and talk back to me. It's hard to imagine that one day I won't have to carry him down those steps. One day he won't want me to carry him down those steps.
One day I won't be able to carry him down those steps.
Birthday Watch 2009August 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm | Posted in Baby Weight (Evan), I shouldn't have even posted this, Me myself I and me again, Putting on Baby Weight (Pregnancy), Rewind, The Others | 2 Comments
Tags: birthday first baby boy
There are just two of them left until my baby is a full grown man that goes to bars and college.
OK. Maybe not. I have 2 weeks left that I didn't have with him last year. Two weeks until Evan starts to roll his eyes over stuff I show him because he's BEEN THERE, DONE THAT before.
"Looky at the pretty colors of autumn. See how the leaves are changing color?"
"Duh, Mom. Saw it last year!"
And don't say, "YAY! Evan's almost as year old. w00T!" Because if I was excited and happy about it I would be all LOLzies up in this bitch. But I'm not. No LOLs just some big, fat 😦 s. 😦s all around. Because not only will Evan practically be living on his own in a couple weeks, but I won't be a mother to a baby anymore. The mother with the tinsy sleeping infant in Target will smuggly say her daughter is just 5 days old and she won't even bother to ask me how old Evan is because HE'S OBVIOUSLY AN ADULT. You loose smugginess after your baby turns one people and you all know how much I LOVE MY SMUGGIES!
So let's turn back the clock shall we? Let's look back a year and she what I was arrogantly doing at the time when I thought I had a month and a half before the baby was born when I really had just 14 days. LET US LOOK DENIAL IN THE FACE.
- I sent an email to my coworkers with pictures of newborn Lilah who was born just days before.
- I was on my weekly Tuesday/Friday doctor schedule and tearing up over my modest amount of vacation time remaining.
- Wayne and I had our last birthing class. We learned infant CPR. The previous classes were deemed "the-other-word-for-homosexual" by my lovely husband who announced it in his "quiet voice" during pretend contractions. THANK THE LORD GOODNESS that I didn't have that labor stuff because Wayne was the only husband in class not to rub my back while we practiced relaxation techniques and then bitched about how much his knees hurt while in various labor positions… (are we getting the irony here?)
- I was writing a mundane blog for MySpace telling the world that I was FREAKING THE FUCK OUT and worrying that:
- I had less than 1,000 hours to go (in reality I only had 336 hours).
- the nursery was not done. (SURPRISE FORMER SELF! The nursery was JUST COMPLETED. You're welcome).
- the baby was going to go to daycare. Wayne and I were seriously thinking about me staying home. (Oh silly FOOLS! SURPRISE FORMER SELF! Wayne was laid off most of 2009! Way to think about stopping your only income!)
- I was having too many Braxton-Hicks contractions and my finger tips were getting all hurty from the blood-letting.
- We were name-less. Wayne was suggestion-less. I was name-full. Other family members were suggesting-other-names-and-not-liking-our-name-full. Things were about to get bloody. (SURPRISE YET AGAIN FORMER SELF! You're going to have to look at Wayne all confused while your insides are hanging out and the baby is taking his first breath when the doctor asks the baby's name. You'll be like, OH YEAH! HE NEEDS A NAME!)
OK… enough of that. I'll continue to wig out on my own time and spare you yours. Until my next freakout of course that I'll have to share the with internets OF COURSE. And when he turns that year number when he's no longer a month number and you are unable to locate me, I will either be rocking in the corner of a closed, dark closet or replacing my birth control pills with sugar pills and practicing my surprise face.
And oppsies… almost forgot to give you a piece of the birthday baby.
AugustAugust 6, 2009 at 10:42 am | Posted in I have unleashed the crazy, I's for reals, Me myself I and me again | 2 Comments
Tags: bipolar depression mania manic
I always question my diagnosis of Bipolar. I've been inked with the stamp of BIPOLAR II. This is a fancy name for serious depression with cycling hypomanic episodes.
I often wonder if I actually have manic moments or if I could just have depression. Then I remember that time I spent all night brush-scrubbing my white painted walls with Clorox bleach and then WIPING all the walls with a cloth with Clorox cleaner and finally wiping the walls down with water because the smell of bleach was thick and then vomiting because FUMES! By 3am the apartment was aired out and I was pacing and freaking out because the walls were cleaner than the floors. So I put away the ladder and got down on my hands and knees and cleaned those with a brush. Then I used a tiny toothbrush for the grout whose bristles wore down to half their original size by the time I was done and then I threw up again because BLEACH IS THE ONLY THING THAT CLEEEEEEANS! I've taken out drawers and polished the backs of them because don't they get dirty too? OF COURSE THEY DO.
My manic episodes usually consist of irritation (to put it oh-so-delicately), speed-talking, being an extrovert when normally my idea of a party is reading a book in bed by myself and needing everything to be JUST SO. My manic times also refuse to believe in the magic of AMBIEN and 5 of those motherfuckers will not quiet my brain enough for sleep. And you know those hospital dramas where someone is all crazy or spazzing out and a doctor yells out, "Ativan, STAT!"? I take an Ativan every night and when I'm manic I keep taking them until I go down which can sometimes be about 48 hours. Dozens of those little pills won't make the mania go away.
Not to say I'm some sort of monster. I'm quite normal. Thanks to my miracle doctor, Dr A and some good old fashion tough love from my husband and myself. I've been on the same meds for years now and I take them religiously. You might see me cry or I may clean your house but you won't see the crazy.
But I can feel it.
Especially now. August marks a yearly decline in my own little private roller coaster. By September, I'm normally think in the muck. The funny thing is that I don't usually recognise it. Every year without fail, (except last year while I was pregnant because, let me tell you, an occupied uterus really made all the bad shit go away), I make a frantic call my Dr A's office to schedule an appointment right now. I'll burst into his office worried sometimes crying and always saying the same thing, "It's getting bad. I can't figure out why. I'm not sleeping but I go straight to bed when I get home and I can't get out of bed in the morning. I'm always crying, I'm being a complete bitch to everyone. I'm having panic attacks all the time. I can't concentrate or remember anything. I'm hurting. I'm sick." Dr. A will stare at me for a moment and deadpan, "It's August." Oh.
This year I'm at the top of the hill bracing myself for the plunge down. I'm forcing myself out of the house by scheduling my free time in advance. I'm holding myself accountable for every move I make. I'm staring at my son who depends on me.
I'm so lucky that I have found the right combination of tricks that help me cope. A good base of medication. A few prescriptions for emergency only. A husband that understands the disease but still doesn't put up with my shit. An awareness of my emotions and what actions they cause. A knowledge of what's happening to my body that I can refer to when I get unreasonable. And most importantly, I hold myself accountable for my actions. No matter what state of play my brain chemicals are in. No matter how bad I'm hurting I do everything I can to minimize the effect it has on those around me.
But don't get it twisted, I'm hurting none-the-less. Those little tricks I have? They take the edge off and make the crazy invisible to the rest of the world. I hope. It took a looooong (all those ooo's mean reallllly long) time to get those tricks mastered. Yet every year I'm terrified the depression is going to go deeper than the tricks.
It's an uphill battle I always face while I'm going down.
Photo Phriday: Puweshus Momories, we haz it.July 17, 2009 at 11:20 am | Posted in I shouldn't have even posted this, Me myself I and me again, Photo Phriday, Putting on Baby Weight (Pregnancy), Rewind, The Others | Leave a comment
Tags: pregnant photo maternity
A year ago this week, I was an over-pregnant, sweaty, waddley pregnant woman. I was riddled with fingerprint needle marks and had bumps where there shouldn't have been bumps. Aren't preggo bellies supposed to be round and full and not have a weird flat spot up front that makes you look like you have 2 bellies? Yeah, I thought so. Pregnant bellies are supposed to look like this here:
Carrie and I had a dual maternity photoshoot. She shot me; I shot her. Win/Win you see? Except when in your mind you are a glorious, glow-y, ethereal life carrier and it turns out you look like this:
I'll leave you with the ACTUAL ethereal mommy-to-be (Carrie) so you can cleanse your WTF palate:
And just how are we going to take a group shot… hem-haw… WE ARE GENIUS!
OK. OK. One of me. Combo of Carrie and Evan making me look good:
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Black on White – simple like that! Communication concept and design for Marine Stewardship´s yearly campaign in Germany, Austria and Switzerland.
Exhibition opening
The exhibition "Sieger, Befreier, Besatzer" at AlliiertenMuseum Berlin is open! It's a part of the 2013 Berlin theme year "Diversity Destroyed. Berlin 1933-1938-1945″ and can be visited until the 1st of December 2013. Little Adén is behind visual concept and graphics.
Designing a mockup
Together with architects FrankeSteinert are we right now creating ideas for an exhibition at the Allied Museum in Berlin. Here our model with graphics. Works?
Design lecturing in Zürich
"Trashzine" was the headline at an interdisciplinary course at the University of Arts in Zürich. Trash was the topic – Fanzine the format.
We have been discussing the definition of trash, digging in to historical and cultural movements in the fanzine-making and designing many cool and fancy Zines. + Good weather the hole week!
Made by student: Romy Strasser

subset: commoncrawl


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Top news
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Reduction thalys
International railway journal (2003).
Thalys Soleil started offering direct connections to the Provence ; initially to Valence, and extended to Avignon and Marseille in 2002.
The trainset was later repaired with the R1 and R2 carriages from a regular TGV trainset.
Here is an example of prices for Paris to Brussels, Comfort 2 (equivalent to 2nd class maximum price, by ticket category: Prices Thalys, Paris-Brussels, 14 June to 12 December 2009, comfort 2 Tariff name Description and comments Price Hi-Life Peak hour 88 Optiway Non-peak hour.
Accessibility Edit Thalys trains are wheelchair-accessible, with assistance of the train staff.A large segment of Thalys's total sales and income comes from the connection between Paris and Brussels.This is used in conjunction with American Airlines and Delta Air Lines.An investigation concluded that staff of the local ICM was to blame as they left the platform whilst still under a red signal.Archived from the original.The trainset was later repaired with the R1 and R2 trailers from a regular TGV trainset.Since, one return journey to Cologne has been extended to Essen Hauptbahnhof, 5 and since, one return journey to Brussels had been extended to Brussels National Airport.Six passengers were injured and tracks and catenary were broken in the incident.On 28 November 1999, the company changed its name to Thalys International."Thalys vervoert bijna 5 miljoen passagiers"."France train shooting: Three hurt and man arrested - BBC News".In 2000, Thalys started a daily Service between Brussels and Geneva.
Alain Jeunesse and Michel Rollin (March 2004).
"Vliegen zonder vleugels ; Hogesnelheidstrein komt nog niet los van strijd om nationaal belang".
After installation and testing, Thalys began operating on HSL 3 on 13 December 2009.
Passenger carriages R1 and R2 had to be scrapped."Press release Thalys" (PDF).The Thalys train set had been diverted via Gouda due to engineering work on its usual route.Bicycles are not allowed on Thalys, unless disassembled or packed in special wrap.Sncf, sncb/nmbs, 2, nederlandse Spoorwegen and Deutsche Bahn (then still Deutsche Bundesbahn) signed an agreement to operate the axis jointly through the brand Thalys, and in 1995 Westrail International was created by the French and Belgian national railways to operate the services.Brussels - Lille by TGV or Eurostar;."Railway Gazette: Manufacturers must share the risk".In December 2009, tests effectuated on this site have evidenced that these promo lidl aujourd hui reduced price tickets have become quite rare, and essentially for unusual departure times (between 6 and 8 am or after.Contents show, the decision to build a high-speed railway between Paris, Brussels, Cologne and Amsterdam was made in 1987.About 37 for a driver (12 highway toll, 25 for 400 km petrol/diesel) Flights Brussels Airlines 1h00 flight time, plus at least 1h boarding time 188.06 (one way) and 335.55 (return fare ) Other information concerning the transport offer: Before Thalys, in 1996, the train called.
For its seasonal operations within France, other high-speed lines are used.
Trains to these destinations run partly on dedicated high-speed tracks, and partly on conventional tracks shared with normal-speed trains.
Van der Heide, Lolke.


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- Home
- Body Essentials
- Ear, Nose & Throat Synergy
Ear, Nose & Throat Synergy
Product Description
Anti-Microbial ~ Decongestant ~ Pain Relief
Batch #: FTBENT318
Use By Date: 3/2021
Inflammation of the tonsils (lymphoid tissue) & mucous membrane of the nose are usually caused by a bacterial or viral infection. Symptoms often include sore throat, stuffy nose, fever, earache, and difficulty swallowing. This blend has been shown to help your body combat infection, reduce fever, and relieve pain. The Ear, Nose & Throat blend is great for individuals who usually get symptoms in the upper respiratory system (ear, nose & throat). Cough & Cold is for individual who usually show symptoms in the lower respiratory system (lungs).
*Diffuse: Add up to 5 drops to a room diffuser and 1 - 2 drops to a car diffuser. Diffusing for more than 15 minutes could lead to overexposure.
*Inhalation: Inhale directly from the bottle for 10 - 15 minutes, 2 - 3 times per day. Can also add 10-15 drops to a personal inhaler or 2 drops to a cotton ball and store in a plastic bag. Inhale throughout the day.
*Bath: Add 2 - 3 drops to running water. Add a 1/2 - 1 cup Dead Sea Salt for an even greater effect.
*Steam Inhalation: Add 1 - 3 drops to a bowl of hot water. Make a tent over your head and bowl with a towel. Breathe in deeply for 15-20 minutes. Caution: Always keep eyes closed as essential oils can burn the eyes.
Organic Eucalyptus (Eucalyptus globulus) essential oil, organic Tea Tree (Melaleuca alternifolia) essential oil, organic Scotch Pine (Pinus sylvestris)essential oil, organic Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia) essential oil, and organic Thyme Borneol (Thymus satureioides) essential oil.
Avoid if pregnant or have high blood pressure. Not appropriate for children under 12 & the elderly. For external use only. Always test a small amount first for sensitivity or allergic reaction. Discontinue use if there is a reaction.
Disclaimer: Statements made on these products are for informational purpose only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any disease. None of the statements made have been approved or reviewed by the FDA. If you are suffering from any disease or illness you should consult your personal health care practitioner before changing any medication.
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Lila Wakeman
- Social and Political Philosophy
- Hermeneutics
- Social Epistemology
Ph.D. Candidate (Philosophy), University of Kentucky, expected defense 2020
M.A. (Philosophy), University of Kentucky, 2017
B.A. (Philosophy), Michigan State University, 2012
B.S. (Zoology), Michigan State University, 2012
In 2007, I began studying zoology at Michigan State University with an interest in wildlife conservation and environmental sciences. After exploring the life sciences a bit, a growing love of neurobiology and its unsolved mysteries turned my attention towards the human animal. My experience in the natural sciences met dramatically with the ideas I encountered in courses on existentialism and social and political philosophy, and I decided to seek a career in philosophy. I completed my undergraduate education interested in research in phenomenology, existentialism, hermeneutics, and social and political philosophy.
In 2014, I began attending the University of Kentucky as a doctoral candidate in philosophy. Having now completed my coursework at the University of Kentucky, I am researching the intersection of hermeneutics and social and political philosophy, with an emphasis on the concepts of truth, critique, power, and tradition. My work draws primarily from Hans-Georg Gadamer's hermeneutic theory and Michel Foucault's concept of power, with Jurgen Habermas playing a minor role as a kind of Enlightenment-era gadfly. I am interested in the function of tradition and meaning in the social and political life of the human animal.


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Summer Cocktails of the Farmers Market
Wednesday, July 27
Break out the picnic tables and fire up the grill. With sunlight lasting long into the evening, CUESA and the United States Bartenders Guild are taking advantage of the summer hours to set up a city-style picnic in front of the Ferry Building. Cool down with craft cocktails from the Bay Area's best bars, featuring peak summer produce — think corn, peppers, watermelon, tomatoes — and snack on upscale cookout fare from the city's hottest restaurants.
The deal of 15 percent off the $55 ticket price is only available to active San Francisco Chronicle members. To receive the code, please fill out all of the fields in the form and the code will be on the confirmation page.
Instructions on how to purchase your tickets:
1. Fill out the form on this page.
2. Click submit, and on the confirmation page you will see the discount code. Copy this discount code.
3. Click here to purchase your tickets.
4. Click the green button that says "get tickets."
5. When the box opens, click on "enter promotion code" in the top right corner of the box. Enter the discount code and click "apply code."
6. Select the quantity and type of tickets you would like to purchase.
7. Select "check out."
8. Fill out the "Registration Information" and click "Pay Now" when you are finished.
Wednesday, July 27
5:30-8 p.m.: Event begins
Ferry Building
1 Ferry Building Marketplace
San Francisco, CA 94111
*You are responsible for your own transportation and any parking fees.
For any questions or inquiries, do not contact the venue, please email the membership team.
Note: You will need to know the account number of your subscription in order to receive the discount. If you do not have it, please contact Customer Service at 800-310-2455, by email, or go to the Subscriber Services site.
The San Francisco Chronicle may take photographs at this event and use them in its promotional materials. By attending the event, you consent to be photographed and for your image to be used in such materials.


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Discover White Water Kayaking
We've partnered up with South Coast Canoes to offer some White Water Kayaking trips this winter!
Join us on the River Dart for a days paddling down the loop or lower dart whilst receiving coaching tips from our experienced coaches. We'll meet at the River Dart Country park and after a short catch up with the group we'll head out onto the river. This is an ideal day for paddlers wanting to start on white water or for those with previous experience, a good day to test and develop existing skills.
We do recommend that you have some experience in a white water boat as a full day can be a lot of activity for the complete beginner. If you are comfortable in a boat, contact us to discuss the suitability of White Water Kayaking for you.
More Information
Who's it for? – Anyone who's looking to get introduced to white water kayaking. You should have basic understanding of strokes and be able to manoeuvre a kayak on flat water. You should also be comfortable getting wet!
What's included – professional coaching from our experienced and qualified coaches
Not included – transport to and from the river
Participants must be 16 years or over.
£65 + £15 boat hire if needed
Come dressed for the weather conditions on the day of your activity
All activities/courses are led by our experienced coaches
Under 18's
Under 18's need written parental consent before they can take part in an activity.


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on February 5th 2015
Purchase: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo
1891 . . . Jolene Crawford Crenshaw, heiress and Boston socialite, went from her family home directly to Landonmore upon her marriage, the mansion she shared with her handsome and charismatic husband. She'd never in her life worried in the slightest over anything as crass as the dollars required to maintain that home or the lifestyle she'd been born to. Her extensive yearly wardrobe, the stables and the prime horseflesh within it, even the solid silver forks and knifes that graced her table, were expected and required to maintain the social standing that she'd cultivated over the years. But suddenly she was a widow with little money and just her pride and her secrets to keep her upright.
Max Shelby made his fortune in oil wells and cattle but lost the love of his life the day his wife died, over ten years ago. Now, his happy, carefree, little girl needs instruction and guidance as she grows into a young lady and his dream of becoming a Senator from his adopted state of Texas seems out of reach with few political or social connections. The right wife would solve both problems. As it happens his sister knows of a woman, a recent widow, charming, beautiful and socially astute, but in reduced circumstances, who may want to begin again. Max signed the wedding contract sight unseen.
Will Jolene be able to shed her sorrows, anger and fears to begin anew away from the censure and hidden tragedy that marred her life? Is her new husband, confident, strong and capable Max Shelby, the man, the only man, to see past her masks to find the woman beneath?
~~Reviewed by Evelyn~
CONTRACT TO WED is the second installment in the Crawford Family series by Holly Bush. It deals with two people that come together after horrible tragedies in each of their lives leave them deep in grief. How they cope with their grief and how they let it affect themselves and others around them is the basis of this story.
Jolene Crawford Crenshaw is a very proper Boston socialite who, after the death of her young son and the suicide of her husband, agrees to marry Max Shelby, a wealthy, widowed rancher from Texas. They sign contracts stipulating that she is to help him run his large ranch, the Hacienda, and help him with his social obligations as he runs for Senator. He is to deposit $20 million in her bank account. Upon her arrival at the ranch, however, Jolene finds a surprise that is not in their contract: Max Shelby has a 12 year old daughter that he had not told her about. Jolene is afraid to be hurt by losing another child and she reacts very coldly toward Melinda. She is also very cold toward her new husband, leaving him perplexed by her behavior since he knows little about her past and she refuses to talk about it. The only place these two very different, very hurt individuals seem to connect is in the bedroom.
I had a very difficult time getting into CONTRACT TO WED at first, primarily due to the stoic and cold nature of Jolene. It just wasn't fun to read. As the story progressed, however, she warmed up to the idea of being a wife and mother, and I warmed up to Jolene as I learned more and more about her. I began to see that she was severely hurt in many ways, and her cold behavior may have been the only way she could cope.
Max Selby, on the other hand, is very easy to like. He is positive, cheerful and charismatic. His charisma works well on the people who work for him at the hacienda. They think the world of him as a boss and work very hard for him. He is very laid back and easy-going, and he totally dotes on his daughter. With all of his good qualities, he is not really very observant. He doesn't seem to notice the long hours that his staff works, or that his daughter lacks the social graces she should have by age twelve. .
Melinda was a very sweet girl, but I had trouble believing she was twelve years old. Her actions and speech reminded me more of an eight year old child.
I enjoyed the writing of this author. The plot was plausible and moved steadily through a crisis that challenges Jolene in almost every possible way. The conclusion is logical and satisfying. I would, however, recommend that readers read the first book in the series. The book can stand alone, but I definitely feel I would have benefitted from reading the first novel. I likely would have understood Jolene better, and it would have made the beginning of the book easier to read. There is also a thread left hanging for the next novel in the series.
CONTRACT TO WED is the first book I have read by this author but I'm looking forward to the next one.
I voluntarily reviewed an advanced readers' copy of this book.


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"Of the gladdest moments in human life, methinks is the departure upon a distant journey into unknown lands. Shaking off with one mighty effort the fetters of Habit, the leaden weight of Routine, the cloak of many Cares and the slavery of Hope, one feels once more happy. The blood flows with the fast circulation of childhood… A journey, in fact, appeals to the Imagination, to Memory, to Hope,— the three sister Graces of our moral being." – Sir Richard Francis Burton
Nowadays with an abundance of apps and tech available to track our time or events in our lives, someone that was never the type to keep a journal can now we surprised or keep recall such moments easily. A classic example would be if you check your "On this day" notifications from Facebook. It is truly uncanny for myself to see in the past what thoughts, places or things I was doing in the past and comparing to what is my current lifestyle. One thing I can say for sure that the places I've been to or lived in are always different but sometimes I'm surprised by the wisdom or lines of thought I had in the past. Some vapid and others insightful. These elements bring to light an awareness about whether I've taken a step forward or a step back. Sometimes even advice that I need in the present moment – funny how that works!
Though most poignantly is given the massive shift I've given myself. Spitting myself away from what is deemed the norm of society which is to work a full-time job, make sure there are benefits and well save money only to spend it all over again. I recall that while I was still living in China working my 9 to 5 cubicle office job describing it to friends as "my soul was slowly dying" and that this rat race was teaching me how to work unproductively and accomplish the bare minimum. Don't think that's a type of life any of us want to strive for right? At least I don't.
What I do now is I've actually managed to shift from a full-time into a part-time digital work-life where actually I pick and choose when what and where I want to work. It is throughout this process that I've noticed about myself now that I've stepped out of my comfort zone and ventured into the unchartered waters of the digital nomad lifestyle. In between all the newfound practices I've added into my life such as practicing yoga and photography here are a few other shifts in how I live life now.
5 Things that changed my perspective after leaving my comfort zone.
- Time. Monday is no longer a weekday to loathe.
The span of a day isn't measured anymore by clocking in or clocking out. I have days where I feel it's been long, others that feel short. I don't even wear a wrist watch anymore! I lost that Sunday-afternoon depression where you begin to dread the upcoming week. I lost that fear of Monday's. The days of the week are now to me are nothing but just names to keep track of what errands or tasks I have to do along the week.If I feel inspired to I'll sometimes work on Sunday's and then my actual weekend days might be a Tuesday or a Wednesday.I now even keep track of things to do on my Google Calendar and it's not only work-related appointments. I add personal appointments since it reminds me that I am spending time on myself and making time for friends.One of my friends took a jest at me when I told him that I needed a holiday. He said "Your life is a holiday" which isn't entirely a lie but it's because I can now make the conscious choice of how to spend my time and when I need to work. I might still travel but for every fabulous looking Instagram pic of mine rest assured there was triple a number of hours completing projects that I'm not taking photos of and sharing. After all, I much rather share positivity than negativity.
- Responsibility. You are accountable for everything.
Working and living abroad has taught me a lot about being independent. It also teaches you to be responsible – especially if you every experience living alone. As a freelance/digital nomad/your own entrepreneur you tend to want to find the time to NOT work and not the time to work. When your alarm sounds off in the morning you groan in bed wanting to hide or leap out of it rushing to get ready to make sure you clock in time. I will wake up and wonder what errands I have to do without needing to immediately rush or feel anxious about tasks that need to be done urgently. What I'll do now is at least make sure I drink a tall glass of water before starting my day and do something for myself before working straight away. For example, at least check your personal email inbox and reply your friends & family messages if you must already be connected.I had a bit of a learning curve for this particular aspect of a freelancer because when you are placed in an office setting and very likely from our education you are going into space where work needs to be done. When you are the one that gets to control the setting you get a tad generous on the actual work time versus play time. For one, I wasn't taking myself too seriously on getting work tasks done or committing silly mistakes. That is when you realise that your 'survival' is really dependent on a specific type of income you take yourself seriously in taking pride to completing good work. There is no manager or anyone else that you could toss your blame to. You are your own advertisement. Most of my graphic design jobs I've gotten them through referrals from people that have met me. Asides from appreciating what I can create they also know my work ethic. I don't think I've had to interview for anything in the past year!
- Humour. Bad mood seldom strikes!
One friend says that I'm a natural optimist but trust me, after my 6 years in China I was sloping down into a more negative aspect of my personality. Didn't have much patience, had moments where I would snap rudely to my own friends, had become somewhat recluse and was always tired. It was all the stress and from staying in a cubicle performing at a job I had no real passion for. I even found out that my health was taking a hit too, me a Brazilian with Vitamin D deficiency!? No wonder I was feeling so lethargic every day.When you work a full-time job especially if your heart isn't really in it for some reason you think that the best way to unwind is either binge watching TV, staying in, going out and getting drunk or retail therapy. It might help to some level but really looking forward to a holiday or just living for the weekend isn't enough. I interpret it as a source of unbalance having such a limited block of time to do something enjoyable for yourself and spending so much doing what you aren't in. It's going from a very big high to a slumping low where you just want to over compensate for the high the next time you can.
Which leads me to…
- Materialism. I now want less stuff.
It is really mind boggling how much stuff we need. Sometimes I even wonder why the hell did I even bother or why did I think I needed to buy such item so badly. It's really intriguing to see how your purchase process happens. Have you ever sat in your office or while working hours suddenly have a urge or need to purchase X item/object cross your mind? I know I have and usually, this is where you are purchasing something that isn't necessary but it's more for those pleasure points in your head as you try to escape the trap of unfulfilling work. When I was preparing myself for the move I am always surprised by the amount of 'stuff' I seem to collect. An array of little bits and bobs that essentially I threw or gave away because they didn't really provide much use.
When you are constantly travelling and trying to recreate your own life you are left with a blank slate where you can really pick consciously over needing something or just buying it superficially. Since I am not earning as much as a full-time job yet my relationship with money has changed. I give it more respect when I know it will be going to something that is indeed useful. Whenever I go window shopping or have some random idea of needing to buy something I ask myself "Do I need this or do I want this?" But also I used to buy things that I wouldn't immediately use which meant waste – you wind up collecting objects that aren't really even giving you any delight but sit tucked into your drawers.
- Humility. You appreciate the simpler things of life.
I always find myself being astonished when my awareness or how I can sense something that could be very trivial in an entirely new light. In a way, I guess it means how my mind has shifted into devoting a different level of attention on activities or gestures we otherwise take for granted. For an urbanite such as myself, I find it very relaxing to actually just being in nature for short periods of time, taking the time to just sit back and listen to the sound of the air. It has made me slow down in life as I got off the fast lane.You are even able to be more compassionate to others, to not left your ego interfere. Being able to give a little of yourself freely to others without expecting anything in return. I honestly feel because I have been compassionate and loyal to all relationships that they have blossomed because I wasn't driven by a payout. That there is kindness that we all can share instead of bolting into an agressive response.


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Copper Leaf Cosmo Framed Print by Tina Pressler
Earn $39.90 (10%) back in rewards* on this item when using your Pottery Barn Credit Card.Learn More
- Overview
Part of the "the geometry of chance" series, Tina Pressler's monoprint explores rhythmic dimensions. The work looks at complex forms in a search for harmony. The giclée reproduction is embellished by hand with copper-leaf details.
- Giclée reproduction on matte giclée paper and embellished with copper leaf details and a bronze reverse bevel frame.
- Artist: Tina Pressler.
- D-ring mounting.
- Dimensions & Care
- Overall: 26.25" wide x 31.25" long x 1.75" thick
- Print only: 23" wide x 28" long
- Weight: 12 pounds
- Wipe with a soft, dry cloth.
- Shipping & Returns
Please allow approximately 4 weeks for delivery.
This item will ship directly from the manufacturer and is not eligible for rush shipping or Next Day Delivery.
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Amazing Mild Scent
Love this scent! If your looking for a nice cool scent that is not overpowering this is a great choice!
Great as a masculine or feminine scent, our Driftwood is a woody, earthy mix of vanilla and sandalwood, warmed with musk and a touch of patchouli for a calming and long lasting fragrance oil.
This fragrance is infused with with natural essential oils, including Cedarwood, Patchouli, and Clove leaf.
Note Profile:
Top: Sea Salt, Spice
Middle: Cedar, Patchouli
Base: Vanilla, Sandalwood, Dark Musk
Note: Bottles filled by weight, levels may vary.
|Candle Safe
|Usage: 3-10%
|Soap Safe
|Usage: 3-6%
|Lotion Safe
|Usage: 1-2%
|Vanillin Content
|2.01% - 5%
|Soy Performance
|Phthalate Free
|Prop 65 Warning Required
|Diffuser Base Compatible
|Yes; Up to 25%
*Usage amounts are recommendations only. Individual usage amounts can vary based on your desired fragrance strength, wax type, soap base, or lotion base. See IFRA certificate for max usage levels.
Love this scent! If your looking for a nice cool scent that is not overpowering this is a great choice!
This literally smells like a LITERAL piece of wood! 3 stars because it smells like what its called but won't be attempting to use this. Perhaps it needs a mixer but I'm new to candle making so just looking for straight-up scents for my first collection.
Am I the only one having issues with this turning bright yellow? The scent is decent but this is oddly the only CS oil that I've experienced discoloring.
Out of all my fragrances, this is the ONLY one that my Father in law likes. I made soap with it yesterday for the first time, and it behaved beautifully. No ricing, seizing, nothing untoward. Next time I'm ordering a bigger bottle. :-)
By itself this FO to me smells like celery sticks, like the remnants of a failed diet that has lingered in the fridge far too long, is what it reminds me of haha. However.. When I blend it with other FO's, it adds a neutral yet distinct wood quality to a blend and the strange celery note vanishes. Try doing a 3:1 blend between this FO and vanilla FO to see (smell) what I mean. 2:1:1 blend of this FO, a vanilla FO and a black pepper FO was pretty amazing. The Driftwood FO held its own with a neutral wood quality at just 50% of the blend, wasn't loud but was definitely notably present in the character of the overall scent, again sans weird celery smell. I recommend getting a sample of this FO to play with if you like to make multi-FO blends.
I used 464 with 8% FL. Will try 10%. I love this smell, but wish it gave better throws!
Right out of the bottle, I was in love. This is hands down one of my favorite fragrance oils EVER from any supplier. It's earthy and nostalgic. It makes for the best mixer and if CS ever stops selling this, I'm in big trouble because I use it for one of my favorite blends. Its great on its own as well. Good in 464.
Love the cold throw of this one, so much that I'm determined to keep trying with it. But overall I haven't been impressed with the hot throw. Maybe it just needs a really long cure time? I've tried it in 464, 10%, with one and two week cure times and can barely smell it in my bathroom, which is small. It's such a nice smell, though!
Beautiful, mysterious fragrance that comes across slightly masculine but popular with woman customers. Definitely ordering more.
I experienced this scent as being extremely powdery and perfumy in my candle. I liked it much better OOB. It does have a woodsy, masculine smell OOB. I mixed it 10% with GB 464.
I do wish this was a bit more "woody" but other than that it's great. I mix it with a little Blood Orange.
I got this FO as a sample. I'm not sure what driftwood smells like so I can't speak to whether or not this FO smells like it. It's a descent woodsy smell. I think it blends well with other woodsy scents. I experienced acceleration in my CP soap. It didn't cause any separation or ricing though. I can't speak to discoloration yet.
Very balanced! Very warming!! If you try it you won't regret it!!
I ordered this scent months back and it had a leading woodsy and musk smell, which was very nice. I just ordered it this week and it doesn't compare well with my previous scent. It now has a sweet molasses, almost Butterscotch, scent to it.
Last Order 5 stars - This Order 3 Stars.
Hi! We are sorry to hear that you had some trouble with this fragrance. The formula has not been revised or changed since your last purchase. Customers often notice a difference in smell out of the bottle of a fragrance when they purchase a larger size than before. Have you had a chance to try the fragrance in your products? Please let us know if you still are having trouble and we would love to help!
OK, I want a huge bottle of this next purchase. I love it and I'm sure most men will too as it is light and masculine. Good job Candle Science!
this is one of my favorites and best sellers. great throw in parasoy and paraffin wax melts and with a cure time of 5-7 days in GB415 soy for jars. I use at 10% fragrance load
I bought this for the first time back in the fall and it has been such a hit in my wax tarts,soap & beard oils. My boys who are 26&23 make sure I always keep them in stock with soaps and beard oils made with this! Definitely more a unisex scent so I see why women and women both like it! Nice earthy scent to it, which is great for someone who doesn't like that strong cologne smell. Give it a try, you won't be disappointed! Will for sure stay in my product line.
Very nice scent. Driftwood is a good description. I kept the name! One customer said this dosen't smell like drift wood. . but I mean pick up a stick or drift wood and smell it. you wouldn't be able to sell that in a candle. So I love the description for this one! masculine scent but both men and women love it. nice soft scent! cold and hot throw are good! 464 at 12%
This isn't a bad scent at all, but I prefer cleaner scents, like citrus or mint. This scent is a bit more rich and musky. Because it's less flowery than other scents, I imagine men may enjoy it more.
we have three bestsellers so far driftwood, cinnamon chain and coriander tonic. and this one is my personal favourite!
ps. i have an actual waitlist for this one!!
This by far is my top selling fragrance in my men's line. I've bought other Driftwood ones and none compare to this one.
Good scent but it just isn't selling. Wouldn't recommend for general sale unless requested
This scent is absolutely amazing!! It's definitely one of my faves to use in my candles alone or as a mix! Mixes great with 464.
I purchase driftwood for a lot of woody and papery scents but note that it is not a top note scent. This provides a nice base note to candles and enhances other woody/papery scents but will not really stand out on its own. I still use it in a lot of my candles for these combinations but it's not a very strong scent by itself.
My company is called Here Smell This. It's what I tell my husband every time I discover a new fragrance I like. And I LOVE this one! He likes it even better than I do. Calling it driftwood doesn't work for me. I think of sea salt and ozone when I hear driftwood, but that's easy to fix. I just renamed it! And, oh my goodness, this is a popular fragrance for me. I use it in dry oil body sprays and bath teas.
This smell was fine in the bottle, but I would not recommend it for candles. It has a weak scent and you are better off with the Black Sea or Caribbean Teakwood scents.
Love the scent... and definitely a best seller but I have had to pull a number of jars due to the wax turning bright yellow.
I don't know what it is about this scent, but everyone who smells it falls in love -- myself included!!
I love this scent and so do my customers. One big problem- it is the only scent I use that turns the soy wax yellow every time. Not a problem in tins, but huge problem in mason jars.
If you like the smell of wood with vanilla, then you'll like this scent, because that's exactly what it smells like. I personally don't like it but we've had some positive reviews of it.
i love this scent. very clean, soft, excellent cold and hot throw.
I use this often to make CP soap. Soaps like a dream but discolors to dark brown but works with a name like driftwood. Sticks like crazy and I love when my husband uses a bar in the shower. The whole bathroom smells awesome
Strong scent, but maybe a tad too masculine. I feel like this could be mixed with a smidge of something to tone it down a little bit.
Made this into a candle, called it Driftwood and Dunes. Men seem to like this better than women. We colored it a greyish dark blue. We sell at least one per outing. It has a high musk overtone that can be overpowering. It has calmed down now that it has had a chance to cure.
This is a great relaxing scent! It's good for all year around.
This only reminds me of a man's cologne! No wood at all. :(
I was a little skeptical, even with the good reviews. Boy am I glad that I took a chance! I absolutely love this scent! Using GB 464 with a 9% fragrance load, the throw is amazing!
I really think this smells wonderful. Its a warm and sensual scent for sure. I smell the vanilla pretty strong OOB. Unfortunately the hot throw is pretty subtle. I really wish It was stronger because I really like this scent. Used GB 464 and a 5 percent FO load in an 8 ounce candle. This scent deserves more like a 2 leaf rating in my opinion.
Adore this scent! My favorite one from Candle Science so far. Perfect balance of earthy and sweet with a touch a vanilla.
This scent is one of my personal favorites. The only issue is that the oil causes soy wax to yellow after a few weeks even without any UV contact at all (stored in a box). Need to add dye to it or give a discount down the road.
A wonderful, subtle mix of sandalwood and musk. A nice, unique unisex fragrance. Everyone who smells it loves it. Strong in soy!
This fragrance oil is just awesome. It is very smooth and refreshing. Woodsy with just enough creaminess to keep it more on the mellow side. A great unisex fragrance.
Works great in soy wax. It is also awesome as a unisex fragrance in bath and body products. I cannot keep enough of this in stock.
This is a nice earthy fragrance. Glad I purchased it.
I used this in 444, and it is very strong in this wax. It has a great got throw, and the cold throw is amazing. I really like this fragrance. It is both earthy and sweet. I will definitely be ordering a bigger bottle of this soon!
Very pleasant unisex scent, I really love it just wish it was a little stronger :)
Very nice fragrance - you can really smell the vanilla. But I wish it was stronger.
floral - soft cant tell what it is
This is absolutely amazing! Wonderful patchouli and vanilla tones. My husband and I both love it so it does work great for masculin or feminie. I used the 1 oz sample in the ecosoya CB advanced wax and I would have liked it to be stronger. I would recommend using the full max load for your wax.


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Quarter-life crisis or continued exploration? I couldn't say.
Tag Archives: Exercise
Goodbye Goals
New Year's approaches and with it comes the end of another year–and the final verdict on the New Year's resolutions we all made twelve months ago. Was this year a success, or will it be enshrined in failure forever?
I've written a lot about New Year's resolutions and goal-setting in the six years I've been blogging, but this year, I'm telling my goals goodbye–and here's why.
As the Summer Draws to an End
It's been no secret my summer is unusually short this year, and as such, it's been no secret how hard I've had to push myself to complete not only my manageable goals for the year but also my stretch goals for the summer.
Although it's hard to realize (and harder to say), this is my last monthly goal report before my summer shrivels up and leaves me in the midst of an extraordinarily busy semester.
I have a few things to discuss, a few things that–come next month–I must definitely find a new way of discussing. It's only been one update so far of this sort (if that gives you any substantial hint what I'm about to do) and already the list-likeness of it makes me want to stop.
Lists are not fun.
But in the meantime, while I consider alternate methods of assessment, let's look at my goal progress this year.
Restart (Rewind Button Malfunction)
It's not that I didn't want to, it's simply the fact that I couldn't. Well, I could, but I didn't. Either way, point being, to tell the truth, I just didn't make time to do it.
This past week I had an extended work load at school and I've been fighting off a sinus infection (it's this unseasonable weather, I swear!). None of this changes the fact that the month just changed, and since I can't rewind time to do over what I didn't get done, this new month allows me to restart my self-conditioning with another set of monthly goals.
I really do say too much before getting to the point.
On the Wall
Last year I made some miserable mistakes in making my goals: There were too many and they were too broad. I had no way to measure my success or to celebrate small victories along the way. One good thing I did was post them here–that gave me an audience who would witness my shortcomings if I failed to achieve my goals. Then again, I didn't check back on them enough–and that's got to changes, too.
Anyways, today starts the new year. And with the new year comes new goals for myself, new endeavors, and new opportunities.
Will you join me?
Mirror, Mirror
On the one hand, 2011 was a great success. I did great in school, had lots of fun writing, finished my sixth consecutive year of NaNoWriMo, and became GTCC's Student Government Association president. Not to mention I got to see the President of the Unites States speak in person, attend a conference on campus activities in Myrtle Beach and a conference on Jewish education in Jackson, Mississippi, and received nominations for multiple scholarships and awards.
On the other hand, after looking forward to 2011 this time last year, looking back at 2011 only shows a picture of failure.


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We have modules to help you in many areas of your business!
You can expand information about your cliens using detailed description. No mandatory fields in general, use it just like in excel!
You can create as many fields as you want. We have many different types of fields. You can design your own database!
If you need to keep a record of service or product your client bought, this is the right module for you. You can add as many entries as you like. You can also set value and expiration date if you need to know that to offer client continuation of your services.
Every client has a history, if you need to keep notes about things that happen with your client, you can use this module. It's very helpful, especially if you work with your team! You can share experiences and important information.
You can create as many categories as you like and assign clients to different groups. This will help you to understand the client type and quickly filter them on your list, using one simple click.
Working with clients, sometimes you need to arrange a meeting or callback. There are also many dates you need to remember, working with client. That's why we're giving you a simple Calendar, so you can track all important dates.
You can organize your client folder by adding files to your client card, such as invoices, contracts, and specification. This is also very helpful if you work with other team members.
If you need to track sales in your client cards, we designed an easy module that will help you to manage that. You can list all sales to clients with all important details in a to-do list. So you always know where you are and what needs to be done. You can also find a sales pipeline for all your client lists.
Clients always have questions and problems that need your reaction. That's why you can use a simple support module. You can easily communicate with your client and track progress of a problem solving process. You will be surprised how easy it is!
Get rid of your existing complicated Invoicing system and use an invoicing system added to damnlist. It allows you to generate PDFs that can be sent to clients. It can also control your payments and notify client about the payment deadline. It's simple, but powerful.
You want to keep your client login and password in a place where he can check his files, contracts, check contact details, ask you a question, or acquire a new product? The client panel module is just for you. It's a special place where your client log in and work with you!
Add metrics to your client and keep stats you need. Update it manually or use our API to integrate it with your system. Metrics are also equiped with Kohort so you can analyze number in a deeper sens!
Add task to to-do list of your client. Keep infromation about the deadlines and assigned people.
Create a gantt chart for your client project on a simple calendar. Add reminders and responsible person to help them react and manage the client needs
Buy a phone number from 50 countries and forwad it to your existing phone. All details about the calls will be attached to a client card
Integrate damnlist with software you're using daily! We have a lot of integration possibilities
If you need to inform a client, group, or a full list about something, you can use our simple SMS system. We designed it to be extremely easy. Just click a button and write what you want to send, and that's it.
If you need to send client instructions and you don't want to copy/paste the email address to your email program, just click a button and send it! You can use the email service to send messages to a single client, group, or full list.
If you need to keep evidence about client equipment, you can use our evidence module. It allows you to keep track of all devices in your client's hands, including a detailed description. You can discuss the device with your team members or add notes if something is not right. It's very useful for companies that need to manage warranties and returns
The diagnostic module allows you to monitor if your devices or websites are ok. It can also connect to other systems and read value from the source. So you can download any value from the script from your website or IoT device. For example, you can check if your client website is working or read current license status, you can also read a lot of things from your IoT devices.


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Business Case Review
Format: Checklist / Questionnaire
This checklist helps to provide a structured review of a completed business case against the historic data of similar projects. The business case should be completed before it is run against this checklist, but it may be helpful to review this checklist during the business case development process to try and avoid the necessity for rework.
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"I once took a cab to a drive-in. The movie cost me $190."
- Stephen Wright


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Boro Park Drug Death Shocks Area
The apparent drug overdose of a chasidic teenager in Brooklyn two weeks ago has sent shockwaves through the small but growing community of at-risk Orthodox youth, their families and the network of organizations struggling to aid them.
Moshe Feiner, 19, was found dead in a Borough Park apartment on Dec. 15, the victim of a suspected heroin overdose. Sources say Feiner had undergone drug rehabilitation as many as seven times, and was well known to Jewish anti-drug programs.
The death is the latest sign of a burgeoning crisis among Orthodox youth. A study commissioned by the Metropolitan New York Coordinating Council on Jewish Poverty, released earlier this month, found that as many as 3,500 Orthodox teens (more than 3 percent of the local Orthodox community) are considered "at-risk," engaging in petty crime, sexual promiscuity and/or substance abuse. Similar trends are reported in other major cities.
Feiner's was far from the first drug-related death in frum, or Orthodox, circles.
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"In a short period of time there have been a number of cases of kids overdosed: as many as four, all unrelated," said Borough Park Assemblyman Dov Hikind, an activist against drug use in his community.
But because Feiner came from a relatively small family that was (by all reports) functional, highly respected and made every effort to cope with his troubles, the case has reinforced concerns that such tragedies are not limited to broken homes and inattentive parents.
"Our phone hasn't stopped ringing," said Ruchama Bistriczky Clapman, founder and director of Mothers Aligned Saving Kids (MASK), an Orthodox group formed to deal with the Orthodox teen problem.
"Our hotline has been overwhelmed. Instead of the 10 to 15 calls we usually get, we are getting 30 and 40," she said.
Whereas parents have previously called the group after children demonstrate disturbing behavior, says Clapman, they now call at the first hint of trouble. "If there is just a slight change in the child, they call for preventive reasons, to make sure it doesn't go further," she added.
Signs that area youth were overwhelmed by the tragedy were evident this week. Feiner was apparently well-known among troubled Orthodox teenagers.
When David Mandel, director of Ohel Children's Home and Family Services, put out word that those who wanted to discuss their feelings about Feiner's death could meet him at a Borough Park kosher restaurant, 24 kids showed up.
"The mood was one of grief and a sense of 'this can happen to me,'" said Mandel. "They described him in such a nice way: a good, kind, nice kid. Happy, friendly, outgoing, always with a smile.
"But the most important thing to ask is, will this change anything? We believe that such a serious incident will at least help one kid understand that this is not an escape," he said.
A less subtle tack was taken by the operators of an Orthodox-supervised recreation center in Midwood, who brought a group of teens to view Feiner's body before his funeral in an attempt to shock them about the reality of drug use.
"The kids were shaken up, but how long it will last nobody knows," said Rabbi Yitzchak Mitnick, a force behind the kosher pool hall, known informally as Our Place, which keeps a low profile and shuns media attention. "Almost everybody knew [Feiner]. He tried very hard to quit. Everyone tried to do whatever they could."
According to a law enforcement source, Feiner spent his last night at the home of a female friend on 51st Street in Borough Park. A male friend, of Flatbush, joined them there after Feiner called him. It is unclear whether any adults were in the house. The two friends, who are not suspects, reportedly told police that Feiner was depressed, but that they did not see him take drugs.
Around 4 a.m., the friends called 911 and said Feiner was unconscious and bleeding from his mouth. He was dead when police and paramedics arrived, according to police. The results of a toxicology report are still pending, according to the law enforcement source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, but the presumed cause was heroin use.
"The indication is that it was from heroin," said the source, who said a syringe was recovered by police at the scene. "We don't know if it was too much heroin, bad heroin or whether his body just couldn't handle it."
No arrests were made, and police have not determined who provided the drugs, said the source.
Feiner's family declined, through an intermediary, to comment until after the 30-day mourning period. The family did not conceal the nature of his death at the funeral, where hundreds of mourners crowded into the Shomrei Adas chapel in Borough Park. The parents, joined by community leaders, expressed hope that the tragedy would foster awareness and save other lives. "What's important in this tragedy is that the family is not hiding," said Hikind, a Democrat, who attended the funeral. "The father said to me that he is determined to do everything possible [to ensure] that this does not happen again.
"We can't be ashamed and embarrassed to be examples," Hikind said. "Enough is enough."
While social service providers are inundated with anecdotal evidence of an increase, at least one observer doubts that incidence of drug use and other misbehavior in the Orthodox community is an emerging phenomenon.
"We are finding out about it now, but it may have been happening for a long time," said sociologist Samuel Heilman of Queens College, who has written extensively on Orthodoxy. As for the Met Council survey of at-risk teens, Heilman said there is insufficient data for comparison. "We don't know what the baseline is," he said. "This is a snapshot in time."
But there is clearly an increased demand among parents for programs and resources. Clapman, who founded MASK in 1997 with 28 other parents, said chapters are in formation in the Five Towns, Queens, upstate Monsey, Baltimore and Toronto as families fear their children are leading secret lives.
"There is a whole underground," says Clapman. "When we go to sleep at 12, that's when these kids start their days. There is a whole slew of kids out there doing drugs and alcohol."
The organization, currently run by volunteers out of their homes, has held two highly attended symposia for parents, and with Hikind's help, will meet with Gov. George Pataki next month to discuss a potential grant from the state's Office of Alcohol and Substance Abuse Services, said Clapman.
But for many, Feiner's death brings home the reality that no matter how extensive the network of resources, some young people will not be helped before it's too late. For this reason, the chief narcotics prosecutor at the Brooklyn district attorney's office, Avery Mehlman, insists yeshivas and community leaders must break the taboo of involving the authorities if other avenues are fruitless.
An alternative program initiated by Brooklyn District Attorney Charles J. Hynes allows non-violent drug offenders to avoid jail if they enter a rehabilitation program, said Mehlman, himself an Orthodox Jew.
"If the only way to get a kid into treatment is having him arrested, perhaps that's the route the community might consider as a last alternative," said Mehlman.


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Soft toric contact lens wearer Dave Reilly explains how new EasyFit Lifestyle Contact Lenses with High-definition and multifocal optics changed his life.
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Union review finds audit 'over-stated' Queensland debt
A report commissioned by Queensland's trade unions has found the state's debt is less than the $100 billion being touted by the State Government.
The Queensland Council of Unions (QCU) commissioned a review into an audit of the state's finances.
The audit headed by former federal treasurer Peter Costello is being used by Premier Campbell Newman to justify cuts to public sector jobs and programs.
The audit released in June forecast a blow out in state debt to more than $90 billion in four years.
The union review has labelled the Costello audit biased and says it over-estimated Queensland's financial woes.
QCU president John Battams says the the findings are significant.
"It is quite clear there is no $100 billion debt for Queensland, a figure which is commonly mentioned by government ministers," Mr Battams said.
"Secondly it is quite clear that the debt that was run up over the last decade was used to build much needed infrastructure in Queensland.
"It was not used to pay public servants."
The QCU engaged former professor of accounting at the University of Sydney Bob Walker, and economist Dr Betty Con Walker to conduct the review.
They say Mr Nicholls and Treasury officials refused to provide financial data used in the audit.
The review instead relied on publications of the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) or financial statements audited by Queensland's Auditor-General.
"I think you shoud be outraged frankly, because it's a totally political document which has been prepared without regard for the facts," Professor Walker said.
Queensland Treasurer Tim Nicholls says Professor Walker's report is also biased, and he has been wrong in the past.
"If Bob Walker were an auditor, I suspect he would have been deregistered by now."
Mr Nicholls says independent advice from the Queensland Treasury shows the state's debt is unsustainable.
He says Professor Walker's report also conflicts with assessments from ratings agencies.
Mr Battams says the review found the government audit failed to comply with basic accounting standards.
"The Costello Report used a gross debt figure," he said.
"In all other jurisdictions the figure that is usually used is net debt - the debt of the government less the assets that that government holds.
"The other way of looking at it of course is the debt related to our revenue on both of those figures and Queensland stacks up pretty well."
Measures recommended by the Costello audit to return the budget to surplus included increases on property transfer duty, gambling tax and mining royalties.
It also recommended a cap on wages growth in the public service.
Topics: government-and-politics, state-parliament, unions, industrial-relations, public-sector, qld, brisbane-4000
First posted


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The ESEE Knives Series 4HM-K knife with Modified Handle is designed more to be an outdoor knife for such tasks as field dressing game and other field-craft work. The modified version does not have the finger choil and the handle design has been changed making it longer and more round shaped. The cutting part of the blade has the same dimensions as the ESEE Knives tactical 4 series knife and all of the metal is powder coated as as well. It comes with a quality kydex sheath.
Comes packaged in a heavy plastic bag.


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(But they are still within Euro 2016...)
Then I realize every single soul has been talking about it on Facebook and blogs. Therefore, I will be echoing some of the views that I had read up which I think is important to the Singapore Investors:
1) Expect Volatility - STI falls 2.25% and Dow closes down 600 points. Expect the stocks to be in the red moving forward for the next week. If you are convinced your stocks have good fundamentals, then DO NOT SELL ON PANIC. If not, try to stay away from looking at the stock market the next week - Find a distraction, and currently Euro 2016 is a good one.
2) Look Out For Opportunities - Since the stocks will be in the red, re-look at your watchlist. If the stocks on your watchlist have hit your target price, go for it. Remember to BUY LOW. At least if you buy now, the price will not be at the highest.
3) Understand Your Stock Holding's Business and Determine Brexit Consequences - If you understand your stock holding's business model, you will be able to determine the "Brexit" consequences. A good write up by Motley Fool has also provided a point of view on this factor.
Another way of determining the consequences is to look up the segmented geographical revenue portion on the company's annual report. Then you will be able to determine how much revenue will be affected by this Brexit drama. An example of the breakdown for ComfortDeGro 2015 Revenue is shown below.
ComfortDelGro's Geographical Segment
4) Foreign Currency Volatility - Expect the Pound and Euro to WEAKEN in the short term and strengthen when everything stabilized. This will directly impact the bottom line of your stock's Income Statement due the currency conversion rate.
(This is actually a good thing for Singaporeans who are traveling to Britain or Europe within the next few months to change some money now.)
Anyway this is just my generalization of the consequences of Brexit in the next few weeks. However, if you have a long term view of 2 to 3 years on your portfolio and understand the business model behind each company that you have shares in, then do not panic and just ride through this volatility period.
If you are thinking of looking at stocks for the long term, do give my Triple S Scorecard a try.
I will be coming up with a sharing session on the Enhanced Triple S Scorecard in July. If you are interested in either the Triple S Scorecard or the sharing session on the Enhanced Triple S Scorecard, do contact me.
Please also like our facebook page as well - T.U.B Investing.