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This was first published on KSL.COM
I have heard from lots of people who are worried about family holiday gatherings and dealing with difficult relatives.
We all have some complicated family relationships that can trigger tension, defensiveness and fear because of what they do and say. During the holidays it is difficult to avoid these relatives, so it's helpful to work on becoming more resilient and "bulletproof" before these parties happen.
Note: The following advice is not advice for dealing with abuse or trauma. This advice is meant for people who have some annoying, rude and disrespectful relatives who say hurtful things or treat you in a judgmental way. If you are dealing with abuse, trauma or really toxic people, avoiding family gatherings might be the best call.
For the rest of your people-problem situations, I have one powerful truth that can help you to stay balanced around your challenging relatives and hurtful things they might say this year.
'I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts'
A Course in Miracles lesson says: "I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts."
This is a tricky concept that might take some thinking to understand, but it means it is not someone's words that hurt you, it is the thoughts you have about their words that hurt you.
If someone makes a hurtful remark to you — something that triggers pain — it can feel like a poison dart fired straight to your heart. It will sting for sure, but how long it stings and how badly it stings is something you do have some control over.
Do you ever let a dart stay in causing you pain all day or all week? How often do you pull the dart out and throw it on the floor so you can move on, but then later pick it back up and stab yourself with it again and again — for months, years, or even decades? It's over and it happened a long time ago, why do you still think about it when it just causes you pain?
When the event is over and you are still feeling the sting, it has become a self-inflicted injury. You have the power to stop the stinging if you can change the way you are looking at what the other person did. If you can change the way you look at it, you can change how you feel.
This is high-level emotional intelligence, and it might take some work to get it right. So don't be discouraged if you are not here yet. The more you read, practice and learn, the easier it will get. This is not victim shaming, though, because the fault does lie with the other person; however, at some point, you have to process the situation and decide to stop letting it hurt you. You have to take your power back. You do this by thinking about words, thoughts and opinions that come from other people. What are they? What are they made of? What power do they hold?
They are nothing. They are wisps of ideas drifting through people's minds and out their mouths. They have no form and no matter. They do nothing. They mean nothing. They have no power unless you give them power.
Your thoughts about what the person said or did are what create the sting, and you are so powerful you can create that sting from almost nothing. This is especially true if you have some deep negative beliefs about yourself in play — beliefs you have had since you were a child. These old subconscious beliefs are your open wounds; they are spots where others can barely touch you and it hurts.
I have a deep fear that says, "I am not good enough." Because I have had this fear my whole life, it is my problem. It belongs to me. But just like an open wound, it's a place where it's very easy for other people to hurt me.
These other people are completely responsible for any unkind things they say or do, but I am responsible for my original fear issue that makes their comments hurt me so much. I am also responsible for the thoughts I have that intensify and prolong the hurt.
Your ego thinks stabbing yourself with these old darts for decades is a good way to protect you from further pain. It thinks the constant stabbing will remind you to protect yourself from that person in the future, but the cost for this perceived protection is decades of pain anyway.
Instead of allowing thoughts that make mean comments hurt longer than necessary, practice the following:
1. Trust that your intrinsic value as a person is infinite and absolute.
Nothing anyone says or does can diminish your value. No matter what happens to you, you still have the same value as every other person on the planet. When anyone makes an unkind comment, remind yourself that it doesn't have any power and changes nothing. You are still intact and fine. Imagine the dart bouncing off and landing on the ground. Then, leave it there.
2. Trust that every person around you is in your life for your own good.
Everyone who surrounds you is there for one reason: to help you grow and become stronger, wiser and more loving. Some of these people help you by pushing your fear buttons, to give you a chance to work on your insecurities and issues. When you see them as teachers in your classroom who are giving you chances to practice being strong and loving, you won't take their comments as personally.
3. Remember that thoughts or words other people say about you are irrelevant.
These words mean nothing and do nothing. They are wisps of energy that are immediately gone and have no power to sting you. You can only have pain if you think about their actions stinging you. Instead, send them on their way with this thought: "Thanks for giving me a chance to practice being strong, but I am done with that lesson and moving on." Send them on their way (figuratively) with a blessing and hope for their own growth and learning.
4. Focus all your energy on being the love in the room at your family gatherings.
Find others around you who need validation, love and support, and spend the whole party giving these things to them. Turn your party into a focused, giving love session instead of a minefield of offenses and insults. Go into it with a mission in mind and don't let anyone knock you from that focus.
Love works miracles because you cannot do love and fear at the same time. If you are focused on love for other people and yourself, you don't have time to be offended.
You can do this.
I hate family holiday parties because there is one person who completely ruins them for me. They are negative and critical, and they never fail to insult me in some way. Do you have any advice for managing this situation, since I am expected to attend like it or not?
You are not alone in dreading this part of the holidays. Many people find family gatherings trying. If it's not annoying relatives, it's dreading the questions people will ask about your life (and your lack of good answers). Most families today are made of people with different beliefs, values, standards and ideas too, and these differences can create conflict, defensiveness and arguments.
There are a couple key things to remember to help you survive these parties:
1. Differences don't mean better or worse, or right or wrong — they just mean different
The reason differences might scare us and make us feel judged and criticized by others is we might assume someone is right and better, and the other is wrong or worse. That's not true, it's just a perspective option, but it's not your only perspective option.
You could choose to believe that all human beings have the same, unchanging, infinite, intrinsic worth — no matter their differences. This means different can't make anyone better or less than anyone else. If you choose this perspective, you can be bulletproof at family parties or any other social setting. No one can judge you as less or worse and hurt you with their opinions, unless you let them. You can choose to believe you still have the same value as they do. If you choose this though, you also have to give up judgment and stop seeing them as bad or worse. Can you do that? Can you give infinite, absolute value to everyone else? If you can you will at the same time choose it for yourself, and no one can hurt you with their opinions again.
2. Give up judgment of others and let them all have the same value as you
You may subconsciously like being in a place of judgment toward certain family members and like spending the holidays complaining about them. You may do this because placing blame on these "bad people" makes you feel superior in some way. If you have low self-esteem (and are afraid you aren't good enough) blaming or judging others might be part of your coping strategy. Be honest with yourself. Is there an ego part of you that likes complaining and gossiping about this person? Or are you ready to change yourself to feel better?
3. Choose to see life as a classroom and your relatives as your perfect teachers
I believe the real purpose for our being on this planet is to learn and to grow and the most important lesson we are here to learn is to love ourselves and other people. If this is truth, it means every single thing that happens to you here is a lesson on learning to love at a deeper level.
It also means the annoying, hurtful, bossy, rude people in your life might be here to serve as teachers and bring your fears, defensiveness and weaknesses to the surface so you can work on them. It's really important you see your family as your perfect classroom. It's no accident that this person is in your life and you are in theirs. Think about that annoying relative and ask yourself how they could be the perfect teacher for you. Do they trigger a fear or insecurity that you need to work on? Do they inspire you to be different than how they are? In what way could they possibly be here to help you grow? When you see them as here to serve you, you might be less bothered and more compassionate toward them.
4. Everyone is in their own perfect classroom journey experience, learning different lessons from yours, but they still have the same value
This also helps you stay out of judgment and stop comparing your life with theirs. The lessons you need to learn are different from theirs, so your experiences and struggles will be different too. Allow them room to be a work in progress with much more to learn (just like you).
5. Ask yourself these questions to help process your feelings toward this annoying relative:
Do this because it's the kind of person you've decided to be. Spend your time at the family party asking questions and listening to others. Show people you value them at the deepest level and see their infinite worth. The more you do this, the better you may feel about yourself.
During those family parties, remember no one can hurt or diminish you because your value is infinite and absolute. Don't give anyone the power to take away your peace and joy.
You can do this.
Kimberly Giles is the president of claritypointcoaching.com. She is the author of the book "Choosing Clarity: The Path to Fearlessness" and a life coach, speaker and people skills expert.
This was first published on KSL.COM
SALT LAKE CITY — In this edition of LIFEadvice, Coach Kim shares a fresh perspective on why we disagree and how to resolve it.
I live in a small planned unit development with four families. This is the second year we have lived in the community, as it is a new development. The control box for the sprinkler system is in my backyard. The park-strip grass we all share is watered by a valve in that control box. Every summer, I consult the water conservation website for irrigation frequency, and follow that guideline. This means that the grass is not lush and green, but rather, closer to yellow in color.
My retired neighbor is extremely unhappy about this and badgers me relentlessly to increase the watering for that area. He has become hostile and abusive. When I called a meeting with the other families to discuss what to do, he went into victim mode, saying that he is the only one trying to save the grass and maintain the appearance of the grounds. He does do a lot of work around the planned unit development, such as repairing sprinklers, fertilizing, etc. He is home and able to do it, and is compensated by the HOA.
How can we find a happy medium? Is it even possible?
Most disagreements like this happen because of differences in values. It has been my observation, as a life coach and human behavior expert for 15 years, that there are four value systems that drive most human behavior. When you understand what someone values most, you will then understand their thinking, behavior, and why they make the choices they do.
We all value all four of these, but we usually have one that is more dominant than the others. Understanding this is the trick to resolving conflicts and disagreements.
Here are the four value systems that create most disagreements:
1. Some of us value people most. These people don't like to be alone and highly value relationships, connection and feeling wanted and included. They would sacrifice getting things done for time to visit with friends, and they care more about people than things, tasks or opinions.
2. Some of us value tasks most. These people are driven by their "to-do" lists and are constant workers and doers. They care most about getting things done and would rather work alone and be productive than visit with others.
3. Some of us value things most. These people care about how things look, taking care of things and creating things. They can be artists, inventors or good stewards, who carefully manage what they have or are in charge of.
4. Some of us value ideas most. These people care about causes, opinions, rules, politics and the environment most. They are rule keepers and system followers. They are often advocates, teachers and well-educated. They also believe in fairness, loyalty and are community minded.
It sounds like you are someone who values ideas and principles most. This is why you follow recommended guidelines and believe in doing what is right for the community, city and state, not just for yourself. You highly value doing the right thing, even if it means sacrificing some of your quality of life.
Your neighbor appears to value things. He spends a great deal of time making his yard look good. Having a nice yard feels important to him because it creates his quality of life and he hopes others will benefit from it too. I am sure he cares about the community and environment, but it sounds like he cares about things looking nice a little more. He also values hard work and wants to see the fruits of his labor.
The most important thing you need to know in this situation is there is no right or wrong— there is just different. Your value system isn't better than his, and you both have the right to be who you are and see the world the way you see it. You both have the right to have your value system honored and respected, and you have the same intrinsic value as every other human being. Neither of you can resolve this problem if you continue to see yourself as right or better and the other as wrong.
Whenever you find yourself in a disagreement, the solution lies in having a mutually validating conversation with the other person, a conversation where both people feel respected and honored. There are five steps to doing these conversations right, and if you follow them, you can usually create a compromise.
Steps for a mutually validating conversation:
1. Make sure you see the other person as having the same intrinsic worth as you. Make sure you aren't talking down from a position of better, smarter or more right.
2. Set all your opinions aside up front. Don't start the conversation expressing your view. Start the conversation ready to listen to them.
3. Ask questions about what they think, how they feel, what their concerns and opinions are. Actively listen and validate, honor and respect their right to see the world the way they see it. This comes from how they are wired, and they cannot see anything else at this time. Make sure at this step you are not agreeing or disagreeing (those are about you). This is the time to make them feel heard and understood. The longer you spend here the better. This kind of listening helps to lessen defensiveness and create a safe space for you to share your views too.
4. Ask permission to share your views. Ask your neighbor if he would be willing to let you explain why you think it's important to follow recommended guidelines and do what you feel is right for the whole community. Ask if he would be willing to be open-minded and at least consider your view. If he is, then go to step five. If he isn't willing to hear you, say you respect that and thank him for his time. (You must do this if you want to build trust where further conversations could go better.)
5. Speak your mind using "I" statements, not "you" statements. Tell him about your values and why you see the situation the way you do. Ask him if he would be open to a compromise and suggest something that honors both your values. Maybe you could water more, but do it at night or water a little longer, while still conserving, to some degree.
The trick lies in being willing to let go of the "I'm right and you are wrong" mindset, and being truly open to seeing the right in the other person's perspective.
Remember, they aren't wrong, they are just different. The world would be a boring place if were all the same, and we need social connectors, get-it-done workers, artists, stewards, advocates and rule keepers to make the world work. There is a place for everyone.
Make sure you validate your neighbor's strengths and talents, and appreciate the work he does on the property. He will really appreciate some praise and validation. If you start the conversation with that, you can resolve most problems.
You can do this.
Kimberly Giles is a human behavior expert and master coach. Visit www.12shapes.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com to learn more.
I'm a 40-year-old woman and I am truly struggling with the relationship between myself and my parents. From the time I was 19 to now, our relationship has continually gone downhill. I believe this has to do with differing life choices, values and lack of respect for our different views. At times I would like to resolve the issues, but the majority of the time, I'm fine not having a relationship with them. What would be your advice on how this should be handled? Should I try to get counseling with my parents and I? Should I just accept it's an unhealthy relationship and move on? Avoid and evade them? I acknowledge that I'm as much of the problem as they are ... and that I'm holding on to some hard feelings. So what could or should I do?
Most relationships are worth trying to salvage and improve, especially with your family members. It's hard to avoid your relatives and if you are going to have to interact with them, you will want these hard feelings repaired. So here are some things you could try:
Work on Forgiving all involved (them and yourself) for all your past wrongs to make this easier — work on these 5 perspective shifts.
Get a professional involved to help you have a conversation with them. We do these types of meetings with families all the time, and we have found it works best if we meet with each person separately first, to prepare them for the meeting together. Find some professional who will do this prep work so a family meeting session accomplishes as much as possible. This also makes people more willing to attend this kind of meeting because they have had the chance to tell their side to the professional beforehand.
If family members are unwilling or unable to change
If they feel threatened or unsafe about any kind of conversation or meeting, or if they are unable to accept any fault on their side, or show any willingness to change or work with you, you are then left with two options:
You can do this.
Kimberly Giles and Nicole Cunningham are the human behavior experts behind www.12.shapes.com. They host a weekly Relationship Radio show on
This was first published on KSL.COM
I just read your article on adult children rejecting the parent's religion and I agree with what you're saying, however, my heart is still hurting. I understand my pain is all about me and that I need to just love them, but I can't help resenting my son and his wife for causing me this pain. He is my only son and I resent his wife taking him away from the way he was raised. I find myself resenting them and not wanting to hang out with them. I don't want to feel this way, but my heart is so sad that there will not be baby blessings, baptisms and temple marriages for my grandchildren. I'm just not sure how to bridge the gap, stop grieving and feeling so emotional about it. Thank you for any thoughts on this.
First, we want you to choose a perspective about why we are on this planet. Most people feel we are on the planet to do two things: 1. Learn, grow and become the best version of ourselves we can be and 2. To love and serve others and try to make a difference in their lives. We find these two ideas are consistent with most religions and life philosophies.
If you think these two ideas feel like truth to you, you might consider seeing life as a classroom. This philosophy means that everything that shows up in your life is there for one primary reason — to help you learn to love at a higher level.
We believe this experience might be in your life for that very reason. It has the potential to stretch you out of your comfort zone and teach you to love, forgive and accept people when it's harder to do. It's easy to love and accept people that are the same as us, it's much more challenging to love those who are different. It's especially difficult if their choices trigger fear of loss in you.
We want to make sure you really understand what a "fear of loss experience" is, as we define it. We believe there are two simple core fears which cause most of our suffering.
The first is the fear of failure and you experience this whenever you feel you aren't good enough, or get insulted or criticized. This fear causes suffering, insecurity, stress and sadness as it makes us feel inadequate. This fear is easier to understand since you experience it to some degree every day.
Fear of failure experiences give you wonderful opportunities for growth. They can help you practice not caring what others think of you, getting your self-esteem from your intrinsic value instead of your appearance, or trusting that all human beings have the same value.
Fear of loss is also a wonderful classroom opportunity for growth. Loss is triggered whenever this moment or event (that you didn't want to happen) is taking away from the quality of your life. If you get stuck in traffic, on the way to a big meeting, and you hate to be late — you are having a loss experience.
You can feel loss whenever people mistreat you or take from you, but you can also experience loss when life itself doesn't turn out the way you wanted it to. You can feel robbed by life when you don't get blessings or experiences other people get. Whenever you find yourself in self-pity around what you have been dealt, you are having a loss experience.
This is the most important part of this article we want to make sure you get this point – Life isn't fair and no one gets the journey they wanted. They get the journey that fosters their growth best.
If we always got what we wanted, we wouldn't grow, and that's the point of the whole thing. One of the best things you can do for your mental health is to throw all your expectations about how your life should look out the window now.
Life is not going to meet your expectations. It's going to be messy, ugly, painful and even embarrassing at times. It's going to include some wins and some losses and sometimes it's going to pull the rug out from under you completely. If you haven't had those experiences yet, they are probably still coming.
We are not telling you this to scare you, because life is also going to be rich, wonderful, sweet, beautiful, amazing and thrilling too. The point is it's going to surprise you and if you stay attached to your expectations, about how it should look at each stage, this is only going to create misery.
Instead, we recommend that you choose to trust the journey, the universe, or your higher power that it knows what it's doing. Whatever interesting twist or turn your life has taken, that you didn't see coming or didn't want, it has a purpose for being here, and that purpose is always to serve you.
Having your son leave your religion is definitely not what you wanted, but it's not as bad as a lot of other challenges you could be having. Talk to some people who have a child with cancer, or a child that died, or people who have a host of other awful challenges that life can throw at people. The truth is that you still have much more to be grateful for than you have loss.
Here are some things you can do to feel better about your situation:
You can see yourself as at risk of having your life ruined, being taken from, robbed or deprived if you want to, but it will only create suffering. Or you can play with seeing yourself as whole, blessed and well. You could actually believe you can't be deprived because the whole universe is conspiring to bless and educate you all the time. If it is always for your benefit, it's not a loss. From this place of wholeness, it is a lot easier to love others unconditionally and let go of the pain.
Play with it and see how you feel.
You can do this.
Kimberly Giles is the president of claritypointcoaching.com. She is the author of the book "Choosing Clarity: The Path to Fearlessness" and a popular life coach, speaker and people skills expert.
This was first published on KSL.COM
I am about to get married for the second time and my fiancé and I both have children from our first marriages. I heard the odds of these second marriages are dismal and I'm wondering what advice you have for us, that might make it more likely to work out.
You are right, the odds are against you. The divorce rate for remarriage is 40 percent.
We believe in first marriages children are a more stabilizing factor, which can actually bind the couple together, where in second or third marriages, they can destabilize the relationship and in some cases purposefully undermine it. If the family has no education about the challenges of blending and enters these marriages unprepared for the difficulties, it is even more likely that children can disrupt the couple's relationship.
Most people think they will automatically be more successful the second time around, because of what they learned from the failure of their previous marriages. Unfortunately, this doesn't appear to be true. Most people make the same mistakes again and again, especially if they don't get some coaching, training, education, skills or tools that they didn't have before to help them do their new relationships differently.
Diane Sollee, a family therapist and director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education says, "It seems that people would be older and wiser, or learn from the mistakes of a failed first marriage. … But that's like saying if you lose a football game, you'll win the next one. You might, but only if you learn some new plays before you go back on the field."
Experts agree the one way to beat the odds is to get educated about step-parenting and blending families. Studies have shown that premarital education of some kind can substantially reduce divorce rates. Couples who seek out professional help and education about creating healthy relationships are more satisfied with their relationships and stay together longer.
Unfortunately, most couples don't seek help. So, we are glad you are seeking out information — that is increasing your odds of success already.
Here are our top tips for making blended families work:
1. Set realistic expectations.
A second or third marriage is much more complicated than a first, especially when children are involved. Everyone is coming into this new family with war wounds, baggage and issues from what went wrong the first time, so you are going to have to be even more patient, understanding and prepared for bumps and difficulties.
You must be realistic about the time it takes for children to bond with step-parents and step-siblings. Don't expect them to feel like family right away. It takes a long time, and each person will get there at their own time. The older the child, the longer this takes, so don't be surprised if older children take years or even a decade to get used to this new family arrangement.
2. Learn what the most common challenges are ahead of time, and make a plan to deal with them.
Here are some of the most common difficulties:
As a stepparent, you will never be the same as a natural parent. You must respect the natural parent's role and adjust to a new kind of role yourself. Your stepparent role is more like that of a caring uncle or aunt who can be there to provide support, encouragement and even guidance, but always honor the natural parent's right to be the decision maker and the one to discipline their children.
4. Don't expect or demand anyone to bond, but expect and demand everyone be respected.
It is not realistic to expect everyone in a blended family to like each other, but you should expect mutual respect. If your stepfamily is going to work, children and parents must respect everyone else in the home. This means listening to their thoughts and feelings and respecting their right to feel the way they do. Respect must happen in every interaction.
5. Understand blending takes time.
It will take longer than you think, probably years longer, and this blending process cannot be rushed. Everyone involved needs time to process their pain, guilt and confusion around this divorce and remarriage. Couples will often pressure children to love their new stepparent right away. This kind of pressure will hinder the process. Give each child the time and space to accept their new stepparent and adjust to the new arrangement on their own time. If you let them set the pace, they will have a more positive experience.
6. Work on yourself.
Don't focus on finding a better spouse the second time; focus on being a better spouse this time, and things will go better. Work on being less selfish and more giving than you used to be. Get some personal coaching or counseling and work to repair self-esteem issues, trust issues or emotional issues you are still carrying from your first relationship. Because conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, better communication skills are critical. Learn how to set your opinions aside up front and ask about how the other person feels first. Listen and validate his or her feelings by honoring their right to think and feel the way they do, even when you don't agree. Then ask if they would be open to hearing your thoughts, and speak your truth with love while looking for ways to create win-wins.
7. Face all problems as a team.
Try to step back from every conflict and look at it from a united perspective as a couple against a problem or challenge, not against each other. Even if a conflict is about one partner's behavior, still work it through together as a team trying to make your marriage better. If you commit now to not let any challenge come between you, and communicate with love, you can work through anything.
8. Give your spouse room to learn and grow.
Your spouse has never been a stepparent before, or at least not with your kids. You both need some time to figure the whole thing out. Love is about letting someone be imperfect and in process. It's about being patient and not expecting them to do everything right and right away.
You can expect children to try to sabotage the relationship, ex-spouses to be difficult and stepsiblings to not get along. These are all par for course, but committed couples can make it work. Just seek out professional help before and throughout the relationship to increase your odds of success.
You can do this.
Kimberly Giles and Nicole Cunningham are master coaches and relationship experts who founded www.claritypointcoaching.com and www.12shapes.com. They are the hosts of Relationship Radio on Voice America.
I want you to address in a column what you do when family members aren't speaking. How do you tactfully handle family holiday parties when they refuse to be in the same place as each other, but you have to invite them both? One has issued an ultimatum that they want us to choose sides, which we feel is not the right thing to do. Is there any way to navigate these bad relationships or fix them? Please give us some advice.
Many people suffer from depression and anxiety around the holidays. Some have it because they have no family to be with, others have it because they do have family to be with. Family gatherings can be a real challenge if there is resentment, hurt feelings, and conflict between your guests.
We recommend you send this article to both parties and tell them you love and support them, and just want everyone to suffer less this holiday season. Explain that you have no judgment around this issue and totally understand how hard it is to deal with these conflicts, but you just want to help both sides heal.
I believe we are on this planet for one reason — to learn, grow and become better. Our main objective is to learn to love ourselves and other people at a deeper level. If this is true, forgiving would be the No. 1 most important lesson, and it's a challenging one too because our ego side really likes to hold onto judgment.
It's easy to love people who are kind and good to us. Loving people who hurt us is the challenge that pushes us and forces us to rise. It shows us the limits of our love and gives us the chance to stretch and grow them.
If you are going to change how you feel about an offense, you will need to learn to look at the situation in a new way. This article is going to help you do that. You may feel like you aren't ready, but "I'm not ready" is just an excuse we use when we can't articulate the real reason we don't want to forgive.
You must identify the real reason you are holding onto this offense and don't want to forgive it. Here are some possibilities:
1. Remember none of us are perfect.
This person did something wrong and it sounds like this was an especially painful wrong, but you aren't perfect either. You may not have made this mistake, but you have made others. You must remember that you are both imperfect, struggling students in the classroom of life, with lots more to learn, who both deserve forgiveness.
You don't want every mistake you ever made held against you forever. In order to feel forgiven for your past wrongs, you must give others the same.
2. You alone are responsible for the pain you are experiencing.
No situation can cause you pain without your participation in it. Your thoughts and feelings are under your control and this means no one can take away your pain or give you pain. You alone have that power. If you struggle to understand this principle, read my previous KSL article about choosing to be upset.
You must grasp the truth that you are in control of your thoughts and feelings. You can feel better right now if you want to. You don't have to wait until you feel ready to forgive. You can choose to be ready now.
3. The other person is guilty of bad behavior, but you both have the same infinite and absolute value.
You both have the same value no matter how many mistakes either of you makes. This is true because life is a classroom, not a test, and our value isn't on the line.
That does not mean we can sit back and stop improving though. It means our lack of knowledge and need for improvement doesn't affect our intrinsic value. We have the same intrinsic value regardless of the amount of learning we still need to do. You want this principle to be true because you want it to be true for you.
4. Forgiveness happens best when you see yourself and others accurately
Forgiveness will happen when you see yourself and others as innocent, completely forgiven, struggling, scared, messed up, but perfect students in the classroom of life, with lots more to learn. Most of us think forgiving is about seeing people as guilty and then trying to pardon them for those mistakes. If you try to forgive this way it will never happen. You will still be hung up on the fact they are guilty. Forgiveness will never work when it's a gift undeserved.
Instead, let all the wrongs, pain and hurt on both sides of this be wiped clean of all selfish, fear-based, bad behavior. It is time to let go and accept divine forgiveness for both of you. Let the other person be a "work in progress" and don't crucify yourself or them for mistakes. Accept the gift of forgiveness and see life as a classroom where mistakes don't count against our value. We can just all erase them all and try again.
5. Forgiveness is the key to happiness and it is the only way to peace, confidence and security.
This is universal law. The key to forgiveness lies in one very simple choice that you must make over and over every day. What energy do you want to live in? You have two options — you can live in judgment, blame and anger energy? Or forgiveness, peace and joy energy?
Judgment energy means you stand in judgment of others, condemning and crucifying them for past mistakes. If you choose this mindset, you are giving power to the idea that people can be "not good enough" and should be judged harshly, which will come back on you too. You will always struggle with your own self-esteem and this energy will feel heavy, negative and unhappy.
Your other option is a forgiveness energy. Here you choose to forgive yourself and others, and completely let go of every misconceived, stupid, selfish, fear-based mistake either of you has ever made. You choose to see these mistakes for what they really are, bad behavior born of confusion, self-doubt, lack of knowledge, low self-esteem and fear. In this place, you choose to see everyone as innocent and forgiven and let them (and you) start over with a clean slate every day.
If you choose this mindset, you will feel safe, loved, whole and good about yourself and this energy will be light, peaceful and happy.
The question is: How do you want to live?
Consider letting go of the past offense and showing up at the family gathering with nothing but love and compassion in your heart. This doesn't mean you have to be close to or deal with the other person, but it does mean treating them with respect, compassion and kindness. It means understanding that negative feelings hurt you more than they hurt them. It means choosing to focus on gratitude and being the love in the room, then on the past and casting blame.
You can do this.
Kimberly Giles is the president of claritypointcoaching.com and 12shapes.com - She is the author of the new e-book Fearless Forgiving: The clarity path to peace - you can get this inexpensive e-book on amazon here.
This was first published on KSL.com
I have been married for over 20 years. During this time, I have tried unsuccessfully to make my wife happy. I have initiated counseling sessions several times only to come out worse for going. I recently had a friend say they think I'm a victim of emotional abuse from my wife. I have tried to see her side of things and understand where my wife is coming from and to even work on myself. But am I using this as an excuse? Do many men get emotionally abused? When do you work on yourself and when do you insist a wife's behavior isn't ok?
If you want a healthy relationship, you must constantly work on yourself AND you must insist your partner do the same. If your partner is abusive (which we will determine below) and they are unwilling admit their behavior is wrong, change the attitudes that drive the behavior and get professional help, there may be cause for you to leave.
We say this, because you teach people how to treat you by what you allow. If you are willing to keep living with someone who is emotionally abusive, why should they change?
If they know you are too scared to leave or are a pushover, they have no motivation to change anything, and it takes a great deal of motivation for an abuser to change their ways and give up the power they get from the abuse.
We also want to reassure you that abuse by women against men is not uncommon at all. Both genders are actually almost equally abused. One report showed that "40% of victims of severe physical violence are men, who are victimized by their intimate partners, and men are also more often the victim of psychological aggression." You can read more about this on www.batteredmen.org.
Also, remember we are in the classroom of life to learn about love. So, allowing someone to mistreat you is denying them an important lesson they have coming. It is not ok to disrespect, insult or be cruel to any human being. Someone has to teach that to your spouse and the universe has selected you.
We want to clarify what behaviors constitute abuse though, because some of you are so used to abusive behavior, you actually think it's normal and therefore ok. Everyone has disagreements with their spouse, but some kinds of fighting behaviors are not acceptable, ever. We believe there are three types of bad behavior that show up in relationships and we want you to recognize them so you know what is okay and what is not.
Here are the three categories of bad relationship behavior:
If you are seeing signs of abuse, you should seek professional help and do something about it right now, especially if there are children in your home. We often hear people in abusive relationships say they are "staying for their children" and don't want to break up the family. You must understand that even watching this kind of abuse can damage your children. Safe Horizons (a website for victims of abuse) says that without help, children who witness abuse are more vulnerable to being abused themselves as adults or teens, or they are likely to become abusers themselves.
You and your children deserve to feel safe and respected in your home. You should also be able to have mature, rational, mutually validating conversations about problems that arise with your spouse. If your partner can't do that and is tearing down your self-esteem on a regular basis (so you feel miserable and worthless) and you experience fear whenever they are home, you are probably a victim of abuse.
Your rationalizing this behavior as normal makes sense, if it is all you have ever experienced, but it is not normal or acceptable. If you love yourself, your children and your spouse at all, you owe it to them all to seek help. It is time for your spouse and children to learn that all people deserve to be treated with kindness and respect
If you don't have a religious leader, counselor, or coach to go to for help, start with the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition, they can point you in the right direction.
We know that change and seeking help sounds scary because 'the known' even though it's bad, feels safer than the 'unknown'. But you will all grow and learn so much it will be a win in the end. There will be some hard moments, but you are stronger than you think you are, and you deserve better.
You can do this.
Are you a Martyr Parent?
This was first published on KSL.COM
SALT LAKE CITY — In this edition of LIFEadvice, coaches Kim Giles and Nicole Cunningham share tips and tricks for getting more help around the house.
I'm getting more and more resentful as the years go by with all the work I do to keep the house and family running. I feel unappreciated about it and I'm just getting tired of these tasks. My family is not much help either. Unless I nag and yell, no one lifts a finger to help out. Do you have any advice for my overwhelming and lack of motivation?
Many parents experience resentment and are overwhelmed about the work it takes to keep the home clean and running smoothly. But choosing a martyr story and feeling anger or resentment about it will push other family members away and make them even less interested in helping.
In order to change things at your house, you must first take responsibility for your emotions and for creating a situation where no one helps you. You are at least partly to blame because you have either not asked for help or you are not handling it the right way.
You may have too many expectations or timelines (like wanting it done now or you'll do it yourself) or you may communicate poorly what you need and how you want it done. If you are someone who complains about the quality of the job they do, you may have created a place where they can't please you — so they've given up.
Ask yourself:
1. Detach from perfectionismUnfortunately, many parents are attached to tasks done correctly and they have a hard time embracing the learning process and rewarding attempts made by their children to help. These parents experience fear of loss, that they are going to lose quality of life by forgoing the standards they desire.
A practical way to adjust your perfectionism is to show your family you appreciate their efforts even if they aren't up to your standards. The most common mistake we see from parents is going in to straighten things up after their children's attempt to help. This tells your child their efforts weren't good enough and this results in them being less willing to do the job again (at least not with the same enthusiasm).
Instead, reward their efforts. Language such as, "Tim, I love how you straightened your bed cover like that." Instead of, "Tim, you did a good job, but your forgot to tuck in the bottom sheet and you still have a pair of shoes that needs to go into the closet." Your intentions are good in teaching them quality, but all your child hears is "I have failed, my best is never good enough and why do I even bother."
The kids in our Tuesday night teen class say feeling like a failure is the primary reason they are not willing to help out around the house. You may think it's because they're lazy, but they say parents will be mad at them either way, so why try.
2. See every experience with your children as your perfect classroomParents often feel fear of loss when they come home to find the children have made a mess in their house. You may have exaggerated angry reactions because you feel robbed or taken from. You feel robbed of the time and energy it will take to put things right. Instead of being triggered by fear, this is a beautiful opportunity to look at your need to be in control and why you have to have things perfectly clean.
Many parents are too invested in the opinions of other people and what their clean house says about their value. You may need to remind yourself your value is not tied to your house, and a happy family is more important than a house that looks like a museum. Whatever happens today in your home is your classroom and a chance to practice being the loving, mature, strong, kind, wise adult you really want to be. Every mess is a chance to practice seeing your value as infinite and not tied to any situation.
3. Be realisticYou must have realistic expectations before asking your children to clean anything. You may want to clean it with them a few times first, so they are clear of your expectations. It also helps to be specific — "Tim, I would like you to clean your room, don't forget to make the bed and put all of your shoes in the closet."
Set them up for success by allowing a realistic time frame instead of placing high demands when there is little time or energy to achieve them. Setting your children up to succeed in their efforts maintains the enthusiasm and willingness to help you.
Children as young as 8 to 13 can learn most skills through watching you. Simple tasks such as taking the trash out, feeding the dog, collecting the mail and making their beds every day.
Children younger than this can participate by cleaning up their toys or drawing materials, and learning to dress themselves and buckle themselves in their car seats.
Teenagers and young adults can participate by maintaining the yard, washing cars, cooking meals and completing weekly laundry. Household tasks with weekly repetition provide great learning opportunities for your children.
Many parents at our weekly free parenting classes are uncomfortable with the idea of their children doing tasks wrong or not doing them. If your expectations are realistic though, you can allow children to make mistakes, to not follow through on their jobs, or not do the best job the first time and use these as positive learning opportunities.
Instead of just yelling and demanding, take the time to talk through why they made the choice they did and what do they think about the job they did. When you take the time for this kind of learning you will make your child feel respected and you will give your children the skills to be a functional adult someday, which is definitely worth the time and effort.
By taking the time to allocate household tasks that are age appropriate and showing your children how to do them, you give them a sense of achievement while also relieving your burden.
Sit down and discuss the chores with the whole family so each person realizes what the tasks are and that this is an equal work zone. Explain your expectations and that everyone must pull their weight so no one has more responsibility or tasks than the others.
As time goes on you can also invite flexibility and freedom and let the children rotate on specific tasks or swap with other family members. We heard about one son paying his sister to do his laundry, this is actually a great "real life" experience. You can do it yourself or pay someone to do it.
Another great idea is to tell kids they can either do their chores or they can hire the "Mom's Cleaning Service" to do them. If the chores aren't done by this specific date, then you will do them, but it will cost them. This cost comes out of their allowance. If they do their chores, they get the money, but if not you keep the money. You must be fine with it either way, so they get the freedom to choose. (This works really well with children who like control and choices.)
You can approach parenting without a martyr complex and become a calm, wise leader and get the whole family involved, if you just take the time to make this happen.
You can do this.
This was first published on KSL.COM
Question:I admit I have high standards and expect my kids to excel and get really good grades, but I would feel like a bad parent if I didn't. My husband and I are both over achievers who have post-graduate degrees, and we have been successful in business. Of course we want the same kind of life for our kids. A friend recently asked me if I think I put too much pressure on them and I guess I'm not sure. I think maybe there is a fine line between too much pressure and not enough, at least in my opinion. I also expect my kids to be pretty independent and responsible, but this friend made me feel like she thinks I'm there for my kids enough. I would be open to an outside opinion on what's too much pressure, I really want to be a good parent and raise them right. Your articles have been helpful in the past so I thought I would ask.
Answer:The thing you must be aware of is more and more kids from affluent families, who have supportive parents, are suffering from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and substance abuse, and these kids are the most at risk for suicide.
An article in The Atlantic magazine about the suicide rate in Palo Alto, California, showed how often kids from wealthy families end up stressed, miserable and suicidal. The author, Hanna Rosin, said the major factor for these kids is pressure from parents that leaves them tired, discouraged and feeling alone.
There is an interesting book called "The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids," which might interest you. Author Madeline Levine says there is a toxic combination that happens when there is too much pressure to succeed and not enough connection with their parents. Those two together create the risk.
She says parents are too often over-involved in some things while being under-involved in others. For example, they care a lot about grades but don't take time to listen and connect.
Here are some warning signs that your child may be at risk:
You must be realistic about the world you live in today; 5,400 teens take their life every year, and untreated or unrecognized depression is the No. 1 cause.
Seventy percent of teens today suffer from at least one episode of depression before adulthood. Academic stress, family financial struggles, romantic problems, peer pressure, divorce and traumatic life events are usually the catalyst, but a lack of good mental and emotional coping skills then turns into depression or anxiety.
Psychotherapist Karen Ruskin, Ph.D, says parents need to be supportive, not pushy. She says "the key is to be your child's biggest fan and nurturer" and make sure their mental and emotional health are your main concern. Many parents struggle to teach kids how to process emotions, because they don't know how. You can't teach what you don't know.
Parents must upskill themselves first and become more mentally and emotionally resilient. Then, make it a high priority to teach children how to handle life and maintain confidence and self-esteem.
Here are a couple of other important things you must do:
1. Allow failuresThis means not overreacting from fear when they happen, and making sure a child knows their value as a person is not tied to their performance, grades, sporting events or anything else. Teach kids their intrinsic value is the same as every other person on the planet and nothing can change it. They cannot be less than anyone else and they can't be better either.
When failure happen say, "Well the good news is that doesn't change your value at all. How do you feel about it? Is there anything to be learned for next time? Is there anything I could do to help?" When you have failures, you must also model a healthy way of handling them.
2. Teach life is a classroom, not a testThis goes along with No. 1 — make sure they see every experience as an interesting lesson that showed up to help them grow, but doesn't affect their value at all.
3. Teach and model good self careIt is your job to make sure you feel good and are creating a life you want to live in. Parents who model this behavior give kids permission to make life enjoyable and recognize when they are emotionally drained and what they need to do to get back up, Make sure you don't call yourself stupid, live in constant stress and panic, and are unhappy most of the time. These behaviors teach kids all the wrong lessons. If you need help getting your own life and thinking on track, get some.
4. Teach kids to follow their own inner truth about what is right for themTeach them to make their own decisions by letting them. They sometimes need guidance and to learn how to stick to things that are hard, but teach them that they alone are entitled to choose what activities, sports and hobbies are right for them and honor their feelings.
5. Spend quality time asking questions and listeningThis is probably the most important thing you can do. Make sure they feel heard and understood and that you honor and respect their right to their own ideas and opinions. Respect and caring is a two-way street, and you must give it if you want it back.
You must remember the most important thing your child needs to make it in the world isn't an ivy league education or perfect grades, it's a good sense of self-worth.
Children who see themselves as capable, strong, smart and valuable rise to the top as adults wherever they go. Make sure instilling confidence and teaching healthy ways to process emotions is your first priority.
Give them lots of opportunities to solve their own problems (with you just asking smart questions to guide them), make decisions and experience the consequences from their choices. Saving them from loss or disappointment won't prepare them for the real world. Be OK with some failures now, while they cost less.
If you need help to calm down your own perfectionism fears and high expectations, reach out to a good counselor or coach who specializes in overcoming fear. A little professional guidance can change things fast.
You can do this.
Visit www.12shapes.com
Coaching is less expensive than you think - If you need help we can find you a coach you can afford.
Call Tiffany 801-201-8315
These articles were originally published on KSL.COM
Kimberly Giles is the president and founder of Claritypoint Life Coaching and 12 SHAPES INC. She is an author and professional speaker. She was named one of the top 20 advice gurus in the country by Good Morning America in 2010. She appears regularly on local and national TV and Radio.
September 2019


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Risk of sourcing from Ancient & Endangered forests
Until the company successfully completes the CanopyStyle verification audit and its results are made publicly available, Helon CTHC will be considered medium to high risk of sourcing from Ancient and Endangered Forests and other controversial areas.
Key Improvements Required
The immediate next step for Helon CTHC is to formalize agreement with the auditor to initiate the third party verification of progress indicators in policy implementation and additional solutions proposed by the CanopyStyle initiative. Following the first annual CanopyStyle Audit findings, Helon CTHC will be expected to address any controversial sourcing issues that are identified and progress on remaining sustainability steps, such as supporting conservation solutions and driving new alternative fibers.
Given growth projections in the sector, Helon CTHC should proactively screen any future ventures and new supply against the ForestMapper and aggressively build next generation solutions into their fiber projections for the coming years.
Areas where the company is showing leadership
When prompted, Helon CTHC engages in dialogue with Canopy and customer brands. Apart for these opportunities for joint meetings with Canopy and customers brands, the company is not showing active leadership and is showing delays in taking actions to fulfill its CanopyStyle policy.
Number of viscose, lyocell and dissolving pulp mills + location and production volumes
CHTC Helon owns 1 viscose mill.
Shandong Helon's viscose production capacity is 170 000 tonnes.
They produce man-made cellulosic fiber (MMCF) and nonwovens, mainly standard viscose fibers and rayon with some viscose filament.
Like many other viscose producers, CTHC Helon uses a diversity of tree species. However, the company is not sharing this information publicly.

subset: commoncrawl


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I half-jokingly had the phrase "the Battle for Syrah" printed on the back of my business cards last year and I've been explaining it ever since.
Wherever I travel in the county representing Stolpman Vineyards I hear similar reactions to our Syrah. Sommeliers and other professional wine buyers profess their love for Syrah, but frustrated, admit they don't sell a lot of it. Several veteran retailers have even gone so far as to riddle me "what's the difference between Syphilis and Syrah?" of course, I already know the punch line "you can get rid of Syphilis!" while the most beautiful, highly-allocated Syrahs often sit on the shelf forever.
Syrah resides on the fringe of mainstream wine consumption for three main reasons. These are the three strikes that Syrah must battle!
- Northern Rhone: The home of Syrah was only discovered by the international wine community in the 1970s while the world had long before fallen in love with Bordeaux and Burgundy.
- Australia, the Land of Shiraz: Driven by huge wineries, Australia adopted Syrah as its red grape of choice and by 2006, was producing 25 million cases of "Shiraz" annually. The "strinized" spelling confuses customers as does the high-alcohol, fruit forward national style.
- Its Own Worst Enemy: Syrah is one of the most resilient of the major modern- day varietals and can grow almost anywhere. In the past twenty years, many farmers planted Syrah as a default grape because it was guaranteed to produce a crop – a lot of crappy Syrah resulted!
The hardiness of Syrah is exactly why the grape excels on Stolpman Vineyards. Gale forces whip through the Ballard Canyon wind tunnel sending the vines wildly fluttering for the majority of daylight hours. Syrah is so tough the leaf can continue photosynthesis even while being battered. Through a long series of tests in the vineyard we found that even with the sun beating down, the leaves don't suck for water while they are being blown by the wind.
We concluded that we didn't need to water the Syrah vines, ever again.
Playing into the resilience of Syrah, we push the vines to the brink every season. By withholding irrigation, we're ensuring that our ecosystem is as harsh and arid as possible, and the vines are forced to root deep into our Limestone sub-soils. Through our dry-farming methodology we're making sure our Syrah vines are the toughest around, giving us the winning edge in Syrah's up-hill battle. The tiny grapes we harvest aren't diluted and are packed with vibrant, high-toned flavors forged by the vines' struggle to survive.
While our sophisticated, balanced Syrah style slowly wins over the palates of wine professionals all over the world (despite their grumblings), we're taking steps to make sure our Syrah will eventually triumph even over the more established Bordelais and Burgundian varietals.
Over the past 20 years we've amassed a brilliant array of Syrah clones originally from the best vineyards in the Northern Rhone. We've launched an intensive process of marking the vines that ripen the most beautiful fruit within Stolpman Vineyards. We take cuttings from these marked, perfect vines and plant them together in a new block, creating a "Stolpman Syrah Super Clone". The plan is to mark these new offspring as well, to further hone in on perfection.
Not only will the Stolpman Super Clone further define our elegant, complex style of Syrah versus the fruit-forward Shiraz style so prevalent in the marketplace, but we will eventually begin selling the Stolpman Super Clone to our neighboring vineyards. Through spreading the perfected Syrah material, we're recruiting an army to fight with us in the battle for Syrah.


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enjoy all our tote bag photos.
2, 2011
Adam demonstrates
what a perfect backdrop the
Coliseum makes for our hygiene
27, 2010
though he has ended up behind
bars, Paul Shortall is resolved
not to
fall behind with his dental
16, 2010
Edward Hopper meets dental
Jean shows off her tote bag
as she sits alongside these
"Nighthawks" who
are part of a three-dimensional
representation of Edward Hopper's
famous painting.
Our tote bag got its very
own security detail on a recent
trip to Rome.
15, 2010
Miriam displays her bag in
front of the Colosseum in
Rome, reminding us that, while
empires may rise and fall,
everyone needs to keep on
brushing their teeth.
November 29, 2009
Saya brought her tote along
when she and her friends went
to the beach for a birthday
November 28, 2009
Karen shows off her tote in
front of her beautiful Christmas
tree. After filling up on
Thanksgiving turkey she went
and cut down the biggest tree
in the forest.
November 25, 2009
Susanne brought her Dr. Roznik
tote bag all the way to Egypt
to show it to the Sphinx.
November 24, 2009
Rebecca keeps her tote close
at hand -- she knows how important
it is to brush and floss after
enjoying all those Thanksgiving
November 23, 2009
November 23, 2009
Jonathan illustrates how well
his tote bag looks against
a white background.
November 21, 2009
Daxita brought her tote along
when she went checking out
vineyards in Napa, California.
November 20, 2009
Pratik, hanging out with his
tote bag, on top of Half Dome
in Yosemite National Park
in California.
November 19, 2009
Kathy, along with her tote
bag and her Maasai guides,
Matthew and Jeremiah, who
introduced her to the toothbrush
told Kathy that dentists would
have to find another job in
their part of Aftrica as these
honed down branches from the
toothbrush tree keep their
teeth strong and white.
November 17, 2009
Baron Von Dylangerman Starray
(Dylan) says: "once
the humans have taken out
all that weird stuff, this
bag makes for a mighty tasty
November 16, 2009
Here's Janet, relaxing at
home with her tote.
November 14, 2009
Nathan did us proud when he
went to Baja, Mexico. Here
he is out front, with his
hygiene tote, leading the
Baja buggy pack.
November 13, 2009
Congratulations to Mame and
John on their recent nuptials
in Aruba. We're glad
to see oral health is going
to be a top priority in their
November 12, 2009
Terri just had to break out
her hygiene tote when she
came across this big smile.
November 7, 2009
The purple tote bag is a great
accessory, whether you're
at home or out and about.
Just ask Corrine.
Because he loves to spend
time in the wilderness Randy
knows he has to keep his teeth
in good shape. One day his
very survival may come down
to fang-to-fang combat!
October 25, 2009
Oh oh! Marian brought her
tote bag to work, just in
case she needed a quick oral
hygiene break, but it looks
like it got confiscated. Good
Luck Marian!
October 22, 2009
Don and Jacqui with their
hygiene tote bags at the Kukuiolono
Golf Course on Kauai, Hawaii.
October 23, 2009
Mac G. remembered to bring
his tote bag to this wonderful
scenic spot. Iguazu falls
is on the border between Brazil
and Argentina.
Benda and her hygiene tote
bag beside an extreme pumpkin!
She told us that Tom Nardone
has a web site with more of
his scary pumpkin creations
– he thinks halloween
should be more scary than
"cutsey". Check
it out: www.extremepumpkins.com
October 21, 2009
horse riders, Cheryl and Scott
S., remember to bring his
and her purple hygiene tote
bags along while trail riding.
October 15, 2009
brought her purple tote to
a friend's house.
September 24, 2009
is David at the entrance to
his kitchen.
is Kathy in the back yard
showing a happy smile.
September 2, 2009
and Hayden are all smiles
in the backyard while holding
their Dr. Roznik purple tote
11, 2009
and Connie at Kilauea Lighthouse
in Kauai, Hawaii.
3, 2009
and his good friend keeping
guard on Tim's hygiene tote
2, 2009
a sparkling, clean smile,
Jean shows off her
Dr. Roznik hygiene tote beside
her cool wheels
24, 2009
takes his Dr. Roznik hygiene
tote hiking to the top of
Crowder Mountain.
17, 2009
while vacationing in the south
of France, Sherri
carries her dental hygiene
bag from Dr. Roznik!
1, 2009
made sure to bring along her
tote when she attended the
Dental Hinman Conference in
Uptown Premier Dental is located in the
heart of Uptown Charlotte
400 South Tryon Street, Suite
M4, Charlotte, NC 28285
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text:
Port Infrastructure and the Role of Government
We are in the midst of a revolution over port infrastructure. This revolution is not about the role of ports as silent engines for our economy and the need for better intermodal infrastructure. Rather, it is about why governments – local, state and federal – believe ports exist, and whether or not public and private entities, other than those directly responsible for ports, should help build or improve port infrastructure and their intermodal connectors.


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Isco insists he has no problem with Julen Lopetegui's rotation policy at Real Madrid, pointing out it was the media and not himself who were convinced he would be an automatic starter.
Madrid dropped points for the first time this season in Saturday's 1-1 draw with Athletic Bilbao, as Isco came off the bench to rescue them after the break.
It was the second LaLiga game in a row that Isco has been left out of the starting XI, after also appearing as a substitute against Leganes before the international break.
Such a situation has come as a surprise to some in Spain, considering many expected Isco to be a crucial part of Lopetegui's team after working together to great success with the national side in the past.
But Isco is adamant rotation is not an issue.
"It's not just me in the team," said the 26-year-old. "There are other team-mates who may be better than me and that's why the coach chooses his starting line-up.
"All that stuff about how it was going to be Isco and 10 more under Lopetegui, that's what you [reporters] were saying.
"It's a long season and we'll need to be prepared. As the coach says, the important thing is that everyone is ready and ready to meet the objectives."
With Barcelona having overturned a deficit to win on Saturday, Madrid are two points behind their rivals at the summit.


text:
Christmas Delivery Guaranteed
UK orders before 4pm on working days are dispatched the same day
View our UK & worldwide delivery options
This 3-way extension cable carries composite video, audio and 12-volt DC power over one cable. Using standard connectors you can easily hook up a recorder with video and audio from analogue sources, whilst being able to power a camera using the DC power connection.
Wired Bird Box Camera


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30 colours
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The colours of the palette consistently correspond to Goethe's theory of colours and Joh. Itten's studies. Colours are riveted as compartments in a sturdy plastic box. They are available for 6 colour types - i.e. also for the mixed types; dimensions 10 x 6 cm.The colour passports contain a 7-page impression with valuable tips in German and English (!).
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5 Tips for Writing a Great Sale Horse Description
How to entice buyers with an excellent sale horse description
Making any sale all boils down to one major factor, presentation. How well you showcase whatever item that you're trying to sell will determine whether you'll land a buyer or not. Horses are no different; these animals are quite expensive to buy and maintain, therefore, before one makes a buy, they have to ensure that they have all the information they need to make a pick. Sellers, on the other hand, are not spared, they need to make an excellent and honest presentation of their horses if they are to land buyers.
Here is a list of 5 tips that can guide you in writing a great sale horse description:
Include Pictures
Pictures, and if possible including a video to your sale horse description, will increase your chances of landing a buyer. Words may give an idea of how your horse looks like, but then a picture offers the perfect mental image. The quality of your picture is just as important. Take photos from an angle that highlights the beauty of your horse while at the same time showcasing all the essential details such as size, color, and breed among others. Videos are also good because they can help you to show the horse in action. For example, if it's a racing horse or work or rodeo, you can show it in action.
Majority of horse managers and owners have preferences on what activity they want their horse to engage in. Take a look at this example, as of March 2012, 73% of horses in the US were simply kept for pleasure, and 26% for dressage. This means that as much as the buyers want the basic details about the horse, they'll want to know what it can do. If your horse is still in training, you can say so. However, the accomplishments that it has made will be more worthwhile. If the horse has been the top racer in its region, be sure to include that information in the description.
List the Bad Habits
Although it's advisable to concentrate on the positive aspects of the horse, it's still important to list its prominent bad habits that you feel your buyer needs to know. The mistake we all tend to make is that we forget to highlight them, causing buyers to have a rough time which of course tarnishes your good name. When it comes to horse buying and selling, just like any other business, credibility is a crucial aspect and it starts with being honest with your buyers.
Give the Essential Details
A good sale horse description covers all the basic information. This means giving a physical description and not forgetting any legalities that need to be known and price. This information needs to stand out such that the buyer gets all the information upfront. List the following information:
- Gender
- Age
- Color
- Breed
- Height
- Trained discipline
- Offering Price
- Your Contact numbers
- Your Location
This is basic information that must be included in every sale horse description. Any physical deformities that may exist need also to be listed.
Keep It Simple and Brief
Although the information to be included in your sale horse description seems a lot, it's vital to ensure that you keep it simple and precise. Let it not be too detailed and ambiguous making it difficult for buyers to know exactly what you're selling. All the information can be summed up in a couple of lines telling buyers precisely what you're offering. Adding a great picture or video makes it easier to appeal to buyers and ultimately making it easier to make the sale.
Give buyers the precise information, misleading them won't do you any good. You don't want your horse going to the wrong home or worse, a slaughterhouse!
Statistics have shown a decline in the number of horses sold but still, more revenue is being generated. In 2008, the horse market received gross revenues of approximately $972,823,522 with up to 26,549 horses offered up for sale. Ten years down the line, horses up for sale stand at 18,196 grossing revenues of $997,193,129, highest in the same period. Horses are quite expensive animals, and it would be a great injustice to mislead buyers by giving false information. You may have the best presentation, but, without the correct information, your sale horse description will be useless and will therefore not achieve the intended purpose.
Author's Bio:
Kevin is a professional educator and a private tutor with over 8 years of experience. He is also a content writer for various blogs about higher education, entertainment, social media & blogging. Currently, Kevin works as a part-time writer for eliteessaywriters.com. During his off time, Kevin enjoys traveling and cooking. Feel free to connect with him on Twitter, Linkedin & Google+.
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Que Onda Blog
Noches Musicales - Southern Exposure Band
The Southern Exposure Band will be playing at this Friday's Noches Musicales celebration, starting at
8:30PMand ending at 11:00PM! Noches Musicales is moving on its thirteenth year at the Casa de la Cultura, and shows no signs of letting up until the last show on August 17 featuring Los Texmaniacs! The event is free, and there will be food vendors, chairs, and an art exhibit to behold! Only at the Casa de la Cultura, every summer, every Friday.


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Enrolling at NC State as a non-degree student is an excellent way to continue your lifelong education. All continuing education in Crop and Soil Sciences Online Courses are open to non-degree students that meet the prerequisites for the intended course. To see if you meet the qualifications, view our online course descriptions.
Are you a student at another university interested in courses that will broaden your educational experience? Our online soil science courses are excellent complements to agricultural, environmental science and natural resource degrees being pursued elsewhere. Courses completed at NC State may transfer to your home institution and count as credit towards your degree.
Note: If you are a degree- or non-degree-seeking student who has been continuously enrolled, you may register for available online courses through MyPack portal.
As an NDS student, you may register for a maximum course load of 8 hours per semester on a space-available basis. Some courses carry prerequisites or are limited to degree-seeking students, so review the course schedule to determine your eligibility.
If new NDS applications are not currently being accepted, you must wait to apply until after the start of term lock-out ends. You will not be able to take a class until next term.
To register as a new NDS student:
If you meet the above registration criteria, complete the online application. All applications require official transcripts.
Note: NDS applications are good for a full year. For example, if you apply for Summer I, you do not need to submit a separate application for Summer II, Fall, or Spring.
The Registration and Records website provides additional information and answers to questions about Non-Degree Studies at NC State University.


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Well, maybe a day and a night.
I arrived early so got my bed reservation at the albergue, and then hung around for awhile eating, drinking and knitting. But you know all that. It was funny when we finally were allowed to enter the Albergue – very organized. We were first asked our language, then put together in groups for our orientation: no shoes in the place, lights out at 10, lights on at 6, out by 8, here´s your pillow, young people up top, older down below (YES!)
Chose my bed, and my bedmate (well, he´s inches from me and there´s no wall). But I´d already met him, Paul, a charming man from Holland.
At 7 we got to eat our pilgrim meal, a very full room that was served beans, then fried trout and chips, followed by a container of yogurt but of course the obligatory bottle of wine. Then off to church for the pilgrim mass where I heard the name of my country read out with the others and we received a pilgrim´s blessing.
Then back to the albergue where people were settling in already. I finally decided that 9:30 was not too early. Some people were already in bed when I arrived back. At 10 the lights went out, and the snoring started and the farting – remember those beans? Some people had a few too many I think. I had a hard time getting to sleep, but finally managed after a late night visit to the bathroom. (Oh, didn´t tell you that I was the first person to have a shower yesterday after we were allowed in – a good thing because the room of 110 people had 4 showers, 2 for men, 2 for women. A little skimpy I thought.
And this morning. Lights on at 6? Well yes, but they didn´t mention the music played at 5:30 and all the people who then began to move around shining flashlights in to the eyes of honest pilgrims like me. And at 6 the lights did come on, and the hostelero walked throught the area singing Alleleuia. Well, it is a religious pilgrimage isn´t it?
And now I´ve walked 21 kilometers this morning with some ups but more downs, and I´m in a private albergue where I was able to check in right away instead of waiting till 2:30 at the municipal albergue. It costs 10 euros, includes free internet, and a wonderful warm shower, where I also washed my clothes by stomping on them. And now it´s time for a little lunch and a glass of wine before the pilgrim menu at 7 pm at the local restaurant.
If you have donated to AlzheimerBC thanks! I´ve reached my goal of $1000 dollars but now I´m going to up it because I know there are others out there who would like to donate to the cause. And as a knitting pilgim I got my photo taken last night, I saw sheep today and if anyone from my knitting list is reading this far, I now know where the name Montse comes from. (Ask me and I´ll tell you.)


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Date:December 8, 2005
Time: 8:00 AM
Location: Blue Ball Construction Field Office
Re: December 8, 2005 - Construction Working Group (Meeting Minutes) 8:00 am @ Construction Site Trailer
|Mr. Jim Bayard
|Mrs. Margaret Bramble
|Mr. Dominick D'Eramo
|Alapocas II
|Mr. Bruce Kay
|DMJM Harris
|Mr. Vernon Lawton
|Donald Criscuolo
|Alapocas II
Meeting was called to order at 8:00 a.m.
Bruce Kay provided the following construction update:
Contract #2
- The traffic switch from the Temporary Bypass Road back to US202 occurred this past weekend. Overall, the switch went very well and the work was completed in reasonable conformance to the established timeline. Work began Friday evening December 2 nd, with the major portions of work completed by late Saturday afternoon.
- Much of today's meeting was spent discussing the new traffic patterns. Vern Lawton explained the various options that can be used to gain access to the local roadways such as Foulk Road, Weldin Road, Carruthers Lane and Augustine Cutoff.
- The need for additional signs to better identify how to access Foulk Road from US202 Southbound has been recognized...additional signs will be fabricated and installed.
- Work remaining to be completed under Contract #2 includes construction of the south side of Connector "D" (along Brandywine Plaza) and the US202 SB off ramp to West Park Drive.
Contract #4
- Blasting and rock excavation along the proposed SR-141 Spur in the vicinity of Children's Drive is ongoing and will continue on and off for the next few months.
- The contractor is planning on placing a temporary concrete barrier wall along the south side of Children's Drive so that he can begin excavation along the edge of the roadway.
- Delmarva Power continued with the relocation of their gas main along Rockland Road. This work will most likely continue into the New Year.
- Work along the US202 southbound lanes (in front of AstraZeneca) will begin after the utilities have been relocated (Level 3 Communication still remains).
- The Contractor has completed erection of the Ronald McDonald House Privacy Wall Posts. Panel erection will begin shortly.
Contract #3- East
- Work this past month involved the clearing of trees, stripping topsoil, excavation and the installation of water main and storm sewer pipes.
- The Weldin Road detour began on December 7th. Signs have been placed identifying the detour route and s have been distributed.
General Notes
- There were no updates to report on the potential Barn parking fee.
- The next working group meeting will hopefully include a tour of the renovated Dairy Barn. Additional information regarding the tour will be distributed at a later date.
Being no further business, the meeting was adjourned at 9:00 am with January meeting scheduled for Thursday, January 26, 2006 at 8:00 am.


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A team of researchers at Michigan State University (MSU) is analyzing the use of nematodes for pest management in greenhouses. While some species of nematodes are an asset in reducing pest populations in greenhouse production, other species can cause plant stunting, reduced yields, and marketability.
Nematodes are microscopic round worms that are extremely common in soils. There are more than 25,000 species of nematodes, most of which are considered to be beneficial and feed on bacteria, fungi, or insect larvae. The beneficial characteristics of one species of nematode, Steinernema feltiae, are even exploited in some commercial greenhouses in order to reduce pest populations.
S. feltiae are entomopathogenic on Western flower thrips larvae and fungus gnat larvae, which are two major greenhouse pests. Applying S. feltiae as a soil drench in the greenhouse reduces the populations of Western flower thrips and fungus gnats in greenhouse crops.
However, there are some nematodes that can also be considered harmful to ornamental crops, such as the northern root knot nematode, Meloidogyne hapla.
Northern root knot nematodes are herbivorous, parasitic nematodes that are a pest problem in outdoor crop production in the northern U.S. They are able to overwinter despite harsh winter conditions. Northern root knot nematodes are a major pest of numerous vegetables such as carrots, celery, parsnips, etc., and perennial ornamentals such as daylilies and hostas. In fact, growers are still routinely losing 20% of their crop to northern root knot nematodes.
The life cycle of northern root knot nematodes is approximately one month long, therefore multiple generations per growing season should be anticipated. There are a few common methods of suppression including fumigation, crop rotation with non-hosts (monocots or grasses), hot water dips of transplants prior to planting, and nematicides. However, even the industry standard hot water dip in order to reduce northern root knot nematodes in the transplants causes tip burn on the leaves of the daylilies.
Check out the complete MSU article here.


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Jan 19, 2013· As a follow-up to Tuesday's post about the majority-minority public schools in Oslo, the following brief account reports the latest statistics on the cultural enrichment of schools in Austria. Vienna is the most fully enriched location, and seems to be in roughly the same situation as Oslo. Many thanks to Hermes for the translation from Unzensuriert.at:Chat OnlineSend a Email
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Stoughton Town News
EXCLUSIVE: SONIC STILL COMING TO STOUGHTON--but heavily delayed! Adam Winstanley, owner of Stoughton Town Center, the plaza which features Price Rite Supermarket on Rt. 138 in Stoughton, spoke with Snyder's Stoughton today about the difficulties in opening a new Sonic Restaurant at the site of the old Friendly's Ice Cream, which is inside his property.Chat OnlineSend a Email
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MARGIT K. design combines Nordic design tradition, aesthetics, quality and sustainability
It is a "Slow Fashion" production, where the products have longevity in design and quality. The products are handmade and there is focus on preserving the unique expression, such that no two hand-printed or hand-woven scarves are quite similar.
Responsible production: The company, which MARGIT K. cooperate with is a SEDEX Compliance Certified Factory. There is a high standard in terms of human rights, salary, working conditions and the environment.
We will provide you with a tracking number with all orders.
We aim to deliver within a week, orders outside of Scandinavia it might be a bit longer.
Denmark - Free shipping
NL, UK, FR, SW and DE - € 5
Some EU countries - €13
USA, Canada, Japan, Norway and Switzerland and other countries - €40
Rest of the world make direct contact for shipping prices.
Exchange and Refunds
You have 14 days right of return from the date you receive your purchase. International orders needs to be posted minimum 7 days after receiving it. In case you wish to return please contact us. Please add the account details in your mail and a copy of the recede. The items need to be unused.The product is the buyers responsibility until receipt at the Margit K.
Once we have received and approved the returned item, we will refund the amount to your account within a few days. Return postage costs are buyers defray.
Return address
Margit K.
Trelde Naesvej 236
DK-7000 Fredericia
Trelde Næsvej 236 7000 Fredericia
Trelde Næsvej 236 7000 Fredericia Tlf +45 23 45 79 66
All prices and shipping costs within EU are inclusive of EU VAT (25%) Local charges (sales tax, customs duty) can occur, depending on your region and local customs duties. These charges are at the customer's own expense.
We use GLS and refer to the distribution rules of GLS concerning punctually time of delivery. If there are any delays at GLS this will also affect your delivery date. MARGIT K cannot be held responsible for delays at GL
To guarantee your protection, all payments are conducted through PayPal. No one will store your card information and the transaction is handled over SSL encryption. If you would like to know more, please check terms and conditions of PayPal.


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I spent the day taking the waters in Calistoga last weekend. It was a fantastic day spent with family, mineral water, and a captivating novel. For once I left my camera at home….but ahh what have we here! My mother brought her camera along and took several lovely shots. I enjoyed her use of the evening golden light and the interesting angles that she choose for her images. It is always a pleasure to see how another person views the world, and how they will capture the moments that wander by…
Pattern and depth….
The Golden Bling
Stripes, Sunshine, and Satisfaction