text:
"…you would be crazy to gamble on infinity like that."
What's going on here and where's the Intro/Table of Contents?
On Saturday, July 22, 2017, I would have missed speeding up to Ventura after my morning run — for a water polo scrimmage! I would have missed scoring and making a steal as the only girl in the pool and joining my teammates for a few rounds on the waterslides at the aquatic park afterward (as if we were not middle-aged and all that).
I would have missed fresh seafood with the team in Oxnard and talking about opioid addiction and politics over our too-large meals. Mostly I would have missed hanging out at a beach up the coast, where I got to pass around a football with the Handsome Former Member of the Colombian National Team whom I have had a crush on from minute one (and whose back I like to gaze at); and then talk quietly with the Grasshopper Taco Guy, under the beach umbrella I bought from Big 5, about real estate and bitcoin and travel and art and writing and the edges of maybe a little relationship stuff even. I cannot tell you how much I would have missed the Colombian's goodbye kiss — a real one with his entire cheek — when for a split second there was nothing in the world for me except the sensation of his dolphin-like skin pressed against mine. Likewise I would have missed a hug and a kiss from the Grasshopper Taco Guy on the side of the road before we got into our cars. I would have missed, perhaps even more than those moments that I allowed myself to believe were connections, keeping the secret from these men how much I treasure those kisses, so that they might kiss me again and again and again. Meanwhile I would have missed bitcoin sautéing over $2800 and ether popping back up around $235, and the crypto market cap re-creeping over $98B for a hot minute.
On Sunday, July 23, 2017, I would have missed scoring two goals and blocking one during water polo practice with the guys. I also would have missed talking about puberty with the golden-eyed Iranian over Mediterranean food with some of the team afterward. How much I would have missed living the only life I have ever really wanted — spending the afternoon with a book. From Love, Africa:
And I learned that when you really begin to love the sweaty craziness of something, when you're in the daze of it, nothing else matters.
Also I would have missed Jim Jarmusch's film Paterson — about a poet bus driver in New Jersey — reminding me that splendor vortexes in the everyday. But mostly I would have missed the ache, throughout the evening and accompanying me to sleep, of pondering the question I overheard from a guy on my morning run two days before: "How would everything need to be for the next three years if you wanted to look back and say those were the best three years of my life?"
On Monday, July 24, 2017, I would have missed wishing someone important to me a happy birthday. I would have missed appearing in court on behalf of two clients and doing my best to help them untangle things. And I would have missed sharing with someone — in a work context — my own recovery experience. Fuck — the breakthroughs in our communication and connection that followed! Having my own assumptions about humanity demolished is a lesson in humility that, I hope, will stick with me all the way to the grave. I would have missed looking into the eyes of many different human beings throughout the day. And I would have missed leaving the car running at a red curb on the corner of 8th and Grand and not having to climb over the railing to retrieve the hoodie I had forgotten there a quarter of an hour before — because a guy whose name I will never know was kind enough to get off his stool, reach down to the ground, and hand it to me. Thus I would have missed a moment that seemed so pure amidst all the animosity and adversariness that I've steeped myself in with crypto, politics, dating, the world — and btw I am still shuddering from that president's speech to a crowd of 40,000 boy scouts last night because children are our only hope and should, in my view, be instilled with the value of respect for other people — and, lest I forget, the economy. I would have missed missing art and beauty throughout the day, and remembering there have been periods in my life when those elements of humanity were all that mattered. I probably would not have missed monitoring the day-long stasis of the crypto market because — just like every time things stabilize — it only presaged another crash that happened while I slept.
On Tuesday, July 25, 2017, I would have missed sending this message to the entire federal indigent defense community in Southern California in response to a notice that Elyn Saks, a professor at USC Law School who has schizophrenia, is coming to speak at the Federal Defender's Office:
On Wednesday, July 26, 2017, I would have missed getting to thank Elyn in person after her talk — and the astonishment that she remembered we had corresponded so briefly so long ago. I would have missed the humor, warmth, humanity and terror of her story, and being surrounded by such a large number of my fellow colleagues at the Office who carved time out of their day to attend. I would have missed hugging one of my co-counsel, who, I learned, refers Elyn's book to clients and their families sometimes. I would surely have missed a dear friend's birthday celebration and bonding with our common friends over the havoc that this presidential administration is wreaking on the world. How sad — and demonic — to attack us transgender people out of desperation for political capital with a base that froths with bigotry and anger. Not that I apotheosize the military, but 19 other countries allow transgender soldiers to serve openly and without fear of their own government's wrath and inhumanity. I really would have missed setting up my own independent bitcoin wallet for the first time, in advance of the forthcoming chain split, buying some more ether on a downswing, and wondering how much crypto I would need to leave the country and start out somewhere else when American society collapses further into autocratic theocracy.
On Thursday, July 27, 2017, I would have missed that first breath of air walking out of SFO, which — even after all these years — still smells like home. I would have missed the Caltrain rides to and from Mountain View — I have always so loved the lightness of spirit that comes from moving through space on rail. To think that I used to believe I had to travel to the ends of the world for that feeling… only to return and find it again right there where I am from. I would have missed the Computer History Museum and meeting new people at another blockchain conference and hugging the Energetic Young Man I met at Consensus in New York and another I know from Ethereum meetups here in LA — and saying Hi to one of those guys who was talking too loudly at the Baths about litecoin on July 6. I would have missed the news that the White House Communications Director trashed the White House Chief Strategist about sucking his own cock (what is happening?) and Floyd Mayweather, Jr. promoted an ICO on Instagram (seriously, what is happening?). I also would have missed bitcoin bouncing back up to a better comfort level over $2700. Before I forget, I really would have missed hearing Nick Szabo — the guy who literally thought up smart contracts back in 1994 — speak about blockchain and the law. And I would have missed speaking with the man on the flight home to LAX who had such beautiful shining longish brown hair, even though he was wearing a wedding ring. He kept talking to me as we deplaned and I sensed that both of us wished the conversation could have continued.
On Friday, July 28, 2017, I would have missed my eyes welling up with tears over the message a childhood friend I recently reconnected with on Facebook posted — apparently without solicitation:
I would also have missed walking out of the Hollenbeck Precinct in Boyle Heights shaken but determined to fight back after a sergeant threatened me for trying to report the theft of my labor and professional services by the United States District Court for the Central District of California, in connection with the Constitutional challenges I am prosecuting on behalf of my indigent clients. I would have missed discussing the incident with a colleague at a coffeeshop where a close friend once told me something about his penis. I would totally have missed meeting the Semi-neurotic But Loving Famous Friend at Voda and decompressing over such a tumultuous week from the White House that it is difficult to remember what happened on what day — let alone all the things that have happened that we ought to keep track of. And so I would have missed the reminder that I am not alone in feeling exhausted, and exasperated, with the continued dissolution of civility and stability in our nation. I would have missed that flat note turn to sharp as Congresswoman Maxine Waters reclaimed her time from Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin and just basically installed herself on the firmament of inspiration for us all. I would have missed bitcoin hanging onto the $2650 range, but I would not have missed ether slipping further down toward, and I think back into, the $180s.
On Saturday, July 29, 2017, while reading Homo Deus by Yuval Hariri, I would have missed a visit from this little guy:
I also would have missed how this passage in the book paints a picture of what I have been experiencing since I got into crypto and started this writing project:
We mortals daily take chances with our lives, because we know they are going to end anyhow. So we go on treks in the Himalayas, swim in the sea, and do many other dangerous things like crossing the street or eating out. But if you believe you can live forever, you would be crazy to gamble on infinity like that.
I would have missed Jimmy The Carpenter accepting the invite I extended to my Dear Baby-Faced Lawyer Friend's 30th birthday and a blanket of strange letdown-slash-calming-reassurance when he texted that he wouldn't be able to make it after all because he miscalculated driving time. I would have missed floating around a swimming pool in a pile of men, exchanging glances with a grandnephew of Ayatollah Khomeini, and flirting with my friend's little brother — a fine specimen of 24-year-old masculinity, replete with Persian calligraphy tattooed over his left pec and everything. I do not know whether I would have missed the awkwardness of being kissed on both cheeks by the lipstick lesbian who was a little drunk and complimented me to the point of slight uncomfortability as she dangled from the balloon tube on which I was suspended in Time and Space while the sun dipped in the sky behind us and the girl she's fucking smiled down at us from the pool deck.
On Sunday, July 30, 2017, I would have missed waking up to bitcoin pushing $2800. I also would have missed scoring a goal at water polo, and receiving a compliment from a teammate whom I complimented right back, for the color of his light pink and baby blue suit highlighted his tan skin just so — and I also would have missed placing my hand on the Italian's flank to say Goodbye at another player's farewell lunch afterward. Same goes for the Egyptian, who sort of stumbled toward me into a hug, but then backed away as I did, because I wasn't sure at first whether he was going to… and also because I think I like him and I don't want to like anyone anymore, it's just too fucking horrible with all the transsexual bullshit and people's hang-ups and all the society-crap and endless complications of not only being human but also being something slightly less-than-human in most people's eyes — a sort of mutant, but with traces of identifiable human characteristics and wants and desires, to be pitied, or at best experimented with, and then left on the sidelines to rot. At least the Italian brought up crypto and we got to talk about bitcoin and ether for a while — I would have missed that part for sure. I cannot tell you how much I would have missed the drive up and then back down the 101 — traffic wasn't too heavy and I just rolled down the windows to let the warm summer air in and cranked up the EDM and basically let everything go and it's a wonder I get anywhere without crashing — maybe I will and it will all be over before I get to the end of this project. On that note, I would have missed catching "Here On Earth" by Tiesto, and listening to it, on repeat, as I type this entry, reveling in the chorus "Feel alive," which is very much how I do indeed feel rn, and how I imagine I will continue to feel… as bitcoin continues flirting quixotically with $2800 and the stupid BCC fork [later add: remember when we used that ticker for like a sec?] looms in six hours at 12:20 UTC. I would not have missed the scary interaction I had with the neighbor up the street who glared at me and then retreated into the shadows when I confronted him about blasting music in the driveway on an otherwise lovely Sunday evening, but I think I would have missed saying, The hell with it, signing up for an HBO trial, and starting Big Little Lies.
On Monday, July 31, 2017, I would have missed wasting my morning on watching for price movements in advance of the bitcoin fork, and paging through various monitor websites and Twitter trying to understand what was going on. As I cascaded into my work responsibilities in the afternoon — justifying my late start with It's vacation month! — I fretted that I have thrown all this time I've spent on crypto into the toilet, I should've just bought some bitcoin and ether and litecoin and HODLed and never looked back. How much closer would I be to where I'd like if I had expended all those hours on something else — anything — like my law practice or my other work or, God forbid, my personal life. But, then again, hasn't crypto kinda become all those things for me? It seems to have invaded my consciousness and affected the insides of me and formed me into a slightly different person — just a bit more skeptical, cynical, calculating, defensive, less trusting, more aware, and sadder, but also somehow happier, and meanwhile lighter, more carefree though only because less caring, and certainly hungrier for risk, greedier yet far more satisfied with what I have, and further inclined to value my life as it is today while also daring for more. I surely would have missed all those sensations and thoughts and impressions running through me and likewise the charge that followed well into the night. I would have missed not being tired in the evening and staying up a little later than normal to watch Big Little Lies and the taste of figs and the warmth of bedtime tea — and stretching out on the floor knowing that everything could be ripped away from me any second and I'd have to start all over again and I could do it if I had to and somewhere inside me I stopped caring at all. Earlier in the day, I would have missed completing some work and administrative tasks that I could've put off but decided to do anyway — some busynonsense that dovetailed nicely into watching the anticlimax of a non-event fork that was supposed to occur at 12:20 UTC and ended up being a blip in the day amounting to little more than distraction.
On Tuesday, August 1, 2017, I would have missed wasting another morning trying to understand the bitcoin fork and what the hell is going on with bitcoin cash — which I think could very well turn out to be bitcoin trash. Its market cap reached like $12B this morning and has now plunged to $5B, and Kraken tweeted yesterday that BCH funding could take anywhere from 8 to 80 hours. I would not have missed the agitation of it all, but I would have missed the fun and nail biting because I guess I have fuck else to do with myself. I would not have missed spending the rest of the day in a funk, yet I would have missed somehow managing to clean the house — complete with scrubbing the appliances and vacuuming — and still getting a bunch of work done on my crypto and criminal matters. Oh my God that high: floating above and past the bullshit that otherwise I would have mired myself in. I drove up to the top of a hill on my way home just to catch this moment:
I would not have missed the loneliness that Big Little Lies ground into me with all the couples interacting and having sex like normal human beings, but I would have missed watching a single character fantasize about shooting her rapist in the face as he tried to break into her house, and then go to sleep with a gun under her pillow — because that is what I secretly wish I could do to my assailant so I never have to fucking think about him again, not ever. All of which reminded me of when Elyn Saks spoke about getting married in her late 40s and just not understanding the phenomenon of dating and feeling like an alien whenever she would see couples out in the world up until then. I would have missed all those murmurings inside me. And I probably also would have missed the sudden impulse to sell all my bitcoin before bitcoin cash crashes the market but then saying, Oh, fuck it, and just depositing most of my holdings in the vault because if it all goes to shit I can just blow my brains out when this project ends, so who cares.
On Wednesday, August 2, 2017, I would have missed the lightness that filled me after I cleaned the bathroom and saw the tiles glimmer and sparkle. I would have missed a Total Fucking Scene at the Los Angeles Central Precinct where I waited two-and-a-half hours in my vain attempt to file a report on the $18,803 that the federal court here made in unauthorized deductions to my attorney work vouchers: in other words — you got it — wage and labor theft by the federal judiciary. Tweakers wandered in and out at of the precinct at various points, requesting things like instructions on how to bail out their significant others and where to locate their cars. One gentleman shuffled in hunched over a walker, begging for the toilet — and, upon denial from a very sexy officer, threatened to take a dump on the side of the building, at which point he settled for some harsh light brown commercial hand paper "to wipe [his] ass in front of the cameras." Seven or eight teenage boys, seated in a row along one of the walls — doing I don't really know what — giggled. I would have missed a smile and a Hello from the lady who is always dressed nicely and reading quietly in the relaxation area of the Los Angeles Athletic Club outside the steam and sauna rooms pretty much whenever I go there. And I would have missed this sunset on my way home:
Also, there's this. I would have missed Adam Scott telling Zoë Kravits during a yoga class in Big Little Lies something about loving to see sweat on women — which took me right back to all those wintertime afternoons when One of the Loves of My Life and I used to go at it next to the clanking radiator pipe in my loft bed back in New York, with my head an inch from the ceiling, as he rubbed his fingers around and around through the beads of sweat on my lower back.
On Thursday, August 3, 2017, I would have missed the sudden, panging acknowledgment that likely over half of my life is now memory. Moments later, the series of song things started happening. It started with one of the Beautiful Man From My Past's songs popping up randomly on iTunes shuffle and reminding me of all those nights we spent together and so many other almosts strewn across my time on earth so far. Then came Gone Wrong by Moby, which reminded me of when I ended up sitting next to him at the Semi-neurotic But Loving Famous Friend's party once, watching him watch something in my peripheral vision and longing to confess that Play encapsulated 1999 and the first part of 2000 for me — including my departure to the Middle East to work and accidentally become an adult — except I figured he might not want to hear a fan say something about work from so long ago and so I didn't. And then it was one of a Best Friend From a Lifetime Ago's songs, which reminded me of cuddling with him on summer nights when we lived in Prospect Park two decades back — I think probably more male-bodied friends would cuddle with one another if only they could? — and anyway all those evenings reminded me for some reason of a Famous Musician Friend of his whom I wanted to meet since even before I fell in love with his band during their first hit album while I was still in law school, but I didn't, at least not for a long time, including a couple of years ago when I attended the premiere of a film he was in that screened at the Directors Guild. I wanted to introduce myself as the friend of my Best Friend From a Lifetime Ago, but I left without bothering him, just like with Moby. Anyway I thought that was that until the Best Friend From a Lifetime Ago came to visit earlier this year and we ended up walking around Echo Park Lake and the next thing I knew the Famous Musician Friend had treated me to lunch. Life is wow. I wore sparkly slippers even though it was rainy and wet, and the picture my Friend From a Lifetime Ago and I took prompted Mom to say, for the first time, that I look 40. The light was not flattering at all. And fucking then it was a Famous Shoegazer's song — now, this one is the work of bursting art I used to listen to back in 2007, as I pedaled my bike along the East River to work, and also on weekend rides to the Staten Island ferry, on which I stood at the front with the sun and the warm wind blowing all over me, before riding to the beach which seemed special and a luxury because I couldn't afford anything else — my point here being that I didn't even know it was the Famous Shoegazer in our weekly group, the one I used to spend time with on Friday evenings for all those months… until suddenly, somehow, it dawned on me that it was indeed she — the very she who had sung the wonderful energy-song that had flooded through my computer's crappy speakers the instant I stumbled upon the MySpace profile of that one gorgeous guy whom I do not remember anything about except that he said he was not like other people. Dare I also say — after All That — I would have missed ducking in to the Biltmore downtown, just because:
On Friday, August 4, 2017, I would have missed the pleasure of stumbling into fascination with some work on what I thought was going to be a routine legal issue. That phenomenon always feels like encountering a kindred spirit on travels around the world — Mohammed (Another Love of My Life) in a Cairo bar with sawdust all over the floor, Vahid my tour guide in Iran, the guys I went to bed with in Lebanon, Israel, Mexico… So many of my human connections have been with men — is it because I long for them so? Why do I remain so convinced that Jimmy will be the last one I ever experience? Why did the crush of that crush seem to break me for good? Am I that scared? Oh well. I would have missed receiving my first cryptocurrency hardware wallet, and being so excited that I opened the stylish package while sitting on the toilet. I would have missed driving to Koreatown with relatively light traffic even though it was rush hour — and the sense of lightness and joy that welled up in me as I headed toward my massage! I would have missed three legit naps on the heated marble floor of the spa, followed by a thrashing from the Little Thrasher, who dangled from the bar affixed to the ceiling and rearranged my muscular-skeletal system with her feet. I would have missed wondering why the fuck I didn't treat myself to a massage sooner — especially since I have not been touched by another human being much since making out with the Gangly Indian Guy on May 22 — which doesn't make sense because why would I worry about spending any more than I used to on a massage if I am just going to die anyway maybe. I would have missed spending the rest of the evening on a cloud, watching bitcoin blast past $3000, and treating myself to Big Little Lies instead of going to this disco party thing that I really wanted to attend but didn't because I am secretly frightened of being around people sometimes, and, were I to meet a man, I'd just have to go through the whole transgender thing which is horrible. But, again, I guess if I am just going to die maybe anyway, why bother worrying about that shit show at all. OMG now I want to find a guy — or multiple guys, one after the other — to have sex with. I would miss that desire.
On Saturday, August 5, 2017, I would have missed this passage in Homo Deus:
For religions, spirituality is a dangerous threat. Religions typically strive to rein in the spiritual quests of their followers, and many religious systems have been challenged not by laypeople preoccupied with food, sex and power, but rather by spiritual truth-seekers who expected more than platitudes.
I would have missed Twitter-chatting with My Dear Friend From College and remembering when she and Another Dear Friend From College and My First Boyfriend tracked me down in Cairo — okay this was before the days of social media and lifelong connectivity — to stage an intervention across the Atlantic and North Africa and extract me from the Middle East where I had gone to learn global survival skills in the event of apocalypse. I would miss missing being 23. I would also miss wondering why it's always so surprising to learn that anyone else ever thinks of me… but why would it be when I think so much, and so often, of them? Anyway. What I am saying is that I would have missed an e-mail from one of my very first federal criminal trial mentors asking me to have lunch and talk about writing, in response to my comments on the most recent chapter of his book, in which hitherto invisible aspects of his humanity and sexuality reveal themselves with gritty and heart-quickening splendor. And I would have missed crying all the way through Dunkirk, which reached inside me and pulled out the monster of devotion that I feel to humanistic ideals and the values of liberalism and civilization and oh my God those men and women civilians sailing straight into peril to retrieve their army and preserve life from tyranny is almost too much to bear. I would have missed stirring up these feelings over and over with Churchill's fight them on the beaches speech in the car and welling up with passion over how Americans share the same dedication to freedom and what have I ever done to help or even deserve to live in such a country. I fight tooth and nail to defend the Constitution virtually every day — but is it enough? It is truly the most I can give? I would have missed bitcoin reaching $3300 earlier in the day — I took a picture — and the camaraderie I felt with women everywhere while watching the Big Little Lies finale all alone in my living room with the front door open to the breeze and the faint beats of music from a party down the hill.
On Sunday, August 6, 2017, I would have missed another sex dream with a woman — this one with hairy armpits — or am I blending the dream with a memory of that one hot Iranian girl — whoever she was — from my Dear Baby-Faced Lawyer Friend's 30th? Either way. I also would have missed wondering, as I picked through my morning reading and current round of praxeological research and ontological questioning, whether what Americans actually share in common now is a sense of having been betrayed — by our leaders, but also by one another. Perhaps the most severe treachery I feel is being sold on Hope and Change by President Obama. No matter how images of him tug at my heartstrings, no matter how proud I am that our country was once good enough to elect him, no matter how I love the tenacity and brilliance he encapsulates — he extinguished the one thing that was always supposed to remain there for us, buried deep at the bottom of Pandora's Box, when everything else failed. Hope has burned away, and the hole it left will scar memories of better times forever, for — I believe — we never really come back from betrayal. So fuck all that. At night, I would have missed Tindering for the first time in ages, very distastefully, but, even so, enjoying a chat with a cute doorman in New York and some other guy who likes the outdoors.
On Monday, August 7, 2017, I would have missed a dream in which I gushed Thank yous to my sex change surgeon on a street in Bangkok. I also would have missed being retweeted by someone with the same name as one of my favorite lovers ever — the Israeli architectural critic fighter jet pilot whom I met on a trip to Tel Aviv when I was living in Cairo for the first time at age 19. This was the guy I've written about elsewhere, who invited me home to his apartment where we made love under the mirrors suspended over his bed at various. "Practical art." Fucking sexy-ass motherfucker. This is the one, you remember, whom I tried to find for four years by calling Information — back when we did things like that — to no avail… month after month… as one year became more… until finally, when I was in Tel Aviv en route to live in Cairo again at age 23, I made another attempt… and got a new number for him! Alas, it was not he, but, rather, another guy with the same name — and so of course I ended up at this new one's apartment, too. Two guys in Tel Aviv with the same name — who were both gay. My life. The point here is that I would have missed all that while ether was making its way back to the party in the $270s, I think — or at least the $260s or whatever. Who the hell can keep up with the day-to-day fluctuations — the hours meld together like life itself. I would miss life itself if I were no longer here.
On Tuesday, August 8, 2017, I would have missed my morning run at the crack of dawn and the awe that swept through me as the tiptop of the sun rose piercing golden over the edges of the San Gabriel Mountains and streamed across the haze in the valley below — and the moon, simultaneously, hovered: a big, white circle, among a bed of lavender and light blue effervescence, above downtown Los Angeles. I would have missed making an objection that ultimately rehabilitated a juror in a trial that just started — but I would not have missed the sinking feeling that, no matter what I do — no matter what any lawyer could do — there is simply no way for a defendant in a criminal case to achieve fairness and a level playing field in federal court.
On Wednesday, August 9, 2017, I would have missed the taste of a tuna sandwich on whole grain with cheese, which I was able to enjoy even though we are given too little time for lunch during this trial and I had to scarf it down while walking back to court. Eating a sandwich always makes me feel normal since I usually steer clear of bread and cheese, so I would have missed being like other people for a moment. I also would have missed the blood coursing through my veins as I exposed the lies of a law enforcement witness on the stand before the jury. That is always the best part. Additionally, I want to tell you that I would have missed seeing — really seeing, maybe for the first time — how important a human can be to our society notwithstanding a learning disability, and how gentleness and certain unquantifiable perception skills may in the end matter more than scalable intelligence.
On Thursday, August 10, 2017, I would have missed the supervising assistant United States attorney at our trial make a reference to "the Zoe Dolan experience." And thusly I would have missed doing something I love all day long — trial work — in a courtroom just above where I stood for the Women's March earlier this year, then so full of people:
I also would have missed the sensation as I drove through my hood — for the first time, I think? — that I was home.
On Friday, August 11, 2017, I would have missed giving what I believe was the shortest — but probably the best — closing argument I have ever delivered at a trial. I am dreading the verdict because I do not believe my client should be convicted. Even so, I would have missed giving this case my best and my all, knowing that I have fought for another human being's liberty tooth and nail. And so I must not miss regretting it my entire life if I fail. Afterward I would have missed trying to smile, on one of the couches where I sometimes lie down on breaks during trials here in the Central District of California.
Meanwhile I would have missed watching bitcoin just go up and up all day, and a text from Jimmy The Carpenter out of the blue. I would have missed spending the evening at his house and easing through the slight discomfort of not having seen each other for a few months as we talked on the surface of things over a red ember Wellington (is that what they're called?) fireplace where he was burning sensitive documents. I love being inside his house among that aroma of soapy wood — I sometimes take out the shirt of his that I still have from when it apparently fell into my bag at the hotel on our trip to Palm Springs when we talked about crypto for the first time, just for that smell. I sat on his living room couch in a little black flapper dress with my legs curled under me and liked that he noticed. I would have missed being enveloped by his hug outside at the end — he still remembers what I told him about three-second minimum contact for triggering dopamine release — in the same spot where I told him I was born as a boy and everything came tumbling down. I would have missed realizing — though only after Facebook reminded me with a memory, today, the following morning, as I write this entry — that it was one year ago precisely when we met right there on his lawn for the very first time.
On August 12, 2017, I would no way in hell have missed the homegrown Nazi terror attack in Charlottesville, Virginia — but I would have missed seeing how so many of my friends responded to the horror. I particularly would have missed the Semi-neurotic But Loving Famous Friend texting me right as I was about to turn the corner into my Ktown spa spot — as if he somehow knew — and then ending up spending the next few hours together hanging out in his backyard with his new (crazy) rescue dog and watching the sunset and gazing out over the Hills in one direction and downtown in the other –
– and then talking about Jimmy over (lackluster) Thai. The Semi-neurotic But Loving Famous Friend is convinced that Jimmy may be re-thinking the whole transgender thing… but I decline to entertain the possibility — although I would have missed a spark of hope that lit up inside me at the idea. I would also have missed bitcoin blasting past $4,000 to a market cap that — based on the most recently available data from the CIA — would surpass the Philippines' M1 money supply as the 46th largest in the world.
On Sunday, August 13, 2017, I would have missed a call from Jimmy in the morning with one of his spontaneous business ideas — just like old times. I would have missed our conversation and mostly just the sound of a man's voice from Somewhere Out There. I would have missed visiting my Dear Baby-Faced Lawyer Friend and coming upon him sunning himself in his backyard with his skin glistening and a pair of comfy shorts scrunched up around his cute little butt. I would have missed lunch with him where we had our first friend date three years ago, and then coffee at a place on Sunset, among beautiful people, everything floating about in a warm breeze — all of which prompted me to lean across the table and, smiling, whisper, "We live in paradise." I would have missed finally returning to Love, Africa, finishing it, and realizing — after waves of gratitude for having the foresight and luck to strike out on adventures across the globe in my late teens and early 20s — that I can be really very happy right here as much as anywhere.
On Monday, August 14, 2017, I would have missed hearing the jury verdict fully acquitting my client; and getting to walk him out of the courthouse. I would have missed Jimmy's excitement — and the joy of having chosen him as the first person to share the news with. I would have missed smelling his cologne as I picked him up for a celebratory dinner at Sage in Echo Park — on Sunset Boulevard, of course — and a little walk around Echo Park Lake, where I petted a pair of ducks while balancing on the balls of my feet as the feather-light fabric of my purple dress floated down around my ankles… until both of us realized we were suffering from some slight nausea from whatever kombucha concoction we should not have treated ourselves to. I would have missed pulling out one of my books from the shelves of Stories bookstore to show him, right before we got back into the car. And, on the ride home, I would have missed him mentioning — during his story about ending up on some driveway with an Iranian surrounded by transgender prostitutes — that he knew sex change surgery is a painless procedure from one of my Facebook posts; when I had just figured he was not following me all this time. And also, oh my God, how much I would have missed that goodnight kiss on the cheek, delivered spontaneously, almost like a reflex it seemed, which I will take to my grave as a secret between you and me.
On Tuesday, August 15, 2017, I would have missed a torrent of responses to my law practice e-mail update:
I would have missed questions from people about crypto and a couple of inquiries about potential representations in the space. Meanwhile I would have missed buying some more bitcoin around $4,000, well, just fucking because. But most of all I would have missed — can I say this — sleep. I would have missed at least three naps totaling 60–90 minutes on the heated marble floor of the spa, and — although it bleeds into the following day, today, as I write this, I really don't care if I'm breaking the rules — a bliss-filled heavenly seven hours more of sleep. I almost believe I would have missed working and worrying myself to the bone just to experience restoration.
On Wednesday, August 16, 2017, I would have missed seeing War for the Planet of the Apes in the middle of the day and crying at certain points because it was so humanizing and severe. I would not have missed the sinking dread that I did not win my last trial because of skill or merit, but rather out of luck and various external factors and oh fuck it would be megalomaniacal and delusional to believe I held any sway over any of it. But, yes, I would have missed tumbling to sleep on the floor of the spa to escape those suspicions, and then doing the same again on my Japanese futon couch at home. And I also would have missed the feeling that my life and work could still somehow be worth it, somewhere deep down.
On Thursday, August, 17, 2017, I would have missed an hour-long online chat with the Husband of a High School Friend about crypto, in which he schooled me on the November fork and hash problems associated with multiple bitcoin chains and we challenged each other's perspectives and agreed that any course from here involves risk — selling, HODLing, trading, staying in crypto, going back to fiat — and who knows what the hell to do. Afterward I would have missed experiencing my ongoing post-partum trial funk / depression interrupted by an email from a Don of the New York criminal defense bar that read "Wonderful" and "go get them kid." I would have missed, in that moment, belonging to something far greater than myself. I would have missed raising the arm rests and lying down for a short nap in the middle of Atomic Blonde at Regal Cinemas LA Live 14 — because I was sleepy. I would also have missed finally reconnecting with Mom following our rupture a few days ago and making arrangements to drive her to and from her surgery next week — and basically just the sound of her voice when I told her that I would be coming after all and had very much wanted to all along. I need to remember how much I would have missed another full night's sleep — eight solid hours of emotional and psychological reconstitution during this quasi-vacation week I am failing miserably at taking.
On Friday, August 18, 2017, I would have missed this project reminding me what life can really be. By early evening I realized I had failed to experience — or notice? — anything to write about, and so I took a little stroll downtown before hitting the club for a sweat in the steam room and sauna. Had I not done so, I would have missed passing an alley that reminded me of a side street lined with cafes in Cairo — replete with the unexpected architecture and dusty inner building facades:
I also would have missed simply looking up:
In conjunction with these moments, I would have missed wondering what it would be like if I were to make it to 69 and go back to visit the places where I lived, and the streets I used to walk down, in Egypt and New York and elsewhere, 50 years before. Those places in memory already seem like another universe now, just two decades later… Shit. Ok you guys, I would not have missed being awoken in the middle of the night by some loud banging that, in my grogginess, I thought was someone trying to break in, nor would I have missed returning to bed with my phone and knife beneath the pillow — insufficient replacements for what I really wanted: the arms of a man. But I would have missed finding the strength to fall back asleep anyway.
On Saturday, August 19, 2017, I would have missed saying Yes to an invite from the Semi-neurotic But Loving Famous Friend to his rental in Malibu, his Yes to my question whether I could bring Jimmy, and Jimmy's Yes to my invitation. I would have missed Jimmy opening the back door of my car and tossing his stuff inside, and the aroma of him that never gets old, this morning all warm-and-unwashed-LA-Saturday like, cascading onto me the instant he got inside the car. Under one of the houses along the shore, I would have missed this experience:
And, back inside, I would have missed the Semi-neurotic narrating his and Jimmy's search for me when I had run back to the rental get my phone because I knew I'd want a picture… while they thought I'd perished all of a sudden like Jeff Buckley. We all would have missed chilling and looking out at the ocean horizon and chatting — to a Spotify soundtrack straight out of the 1970s that made everything as if Joan Didion were going to show up any minute. On the drive home, I would have missed showing Jimmy my favorite views and houses on Mullholland Highway, and wincing at the attestation that his first reaction upon thinking I had drowned was that the world had lost something. I would have settled for mattering to a man's heart. As I flicked through a few other pictures I took on the beach sometime later, I would have missed seeing how my physical attraction to Jimmy has simmered into sisterly love — but I would not have missed being hollowed out by the disappointment of broken hope.
On Sunday, August 20, 2017, I would have missed scoring a goal from the post during six-on-five drills at the end of polo practice, and then joining some of the team for a lunch around a circular table with a succulent garden in the middle for lunch afterwards. I would not have missed the twinge in my heart from six out of the seven others being paired up in romantic couples, but I would have missed the peace that overcame me because everything was enough in that moment, sharing a meal with my teammates, I did not need a single thing more.
On Monday, August 21, 2017, I would have missed getting over my stupid self and writing down my dreams from the night before instead of waiting to complete this writing project first. The goal is to achieve an existence of lucid dreaming throughout life, in which waking hours become less distinguishable from dreaming hours and the surprises and knowledges of the mind spring to the surface with less murkiness filming over the surface. I would have missed seeing ether up over 10% and then climbing throughout my morning read, though I would not have missed bitcoin continue to languish / spaz out as the various civil wars persist. I would have missed discovering just how far down the rabbit hole I've apparently gone, as I'd been retweeted overnight by MyEtherWallet — for a New York Times article on bias against women in economics, of all things. All of which is to say I would have missed wondering: Is this my life? Regardless of the creepiness — or perhaps because of it — I would have missed summiting the little mountain in Debs Park at the precise moment of the fullest eclipse we got to experience here in Southern California. At the car dealership, I would have missed the massage chair that reminded me I am carrying more than I need to in my back muscles, and that I need to seek touch. I would have missed e-mailing with a sex addiction fellowship buddy about how pointless recovery sometimes seems, especially now, when I might as well just give up because the whole relationship potentiality, and all associated hopes and dreams, etc., are probably all in the past, and so who really cares — and on that note it occurred to me that I slipped back into getting worked up about where bitcoin is going and whether crypto value will hold… but I might as well just let all that anxiety go because I've already decided that if things don't work out, it's simply Game Over and Oh Well. Entering Whole Foods for dinner, I'd have missed running into a renowned SoCal business trial lawyer who is in her 60s but looks like she's 40 — though maybe it's that she colors her hair and carries a bunch of extra weight that rounds out the wrinkles; regardless, her eyes twinkle — and a conversation that I suspect may stick with me for a while. We swapped war stories for a second and then she lamented how there are so few people anymore with "fire in their bellies," so it's very difficult for her firm to find people. They all want "lifestyle," whereas when she was younger she knew she could call up a prosecutor's office at 9:00 p.m. and they'd answer. "But if you want to be great at something…" she opined… and in that instant I came to appreciate that the only thing I have ever wanted to be "great" at is life itself — and I felt very glad that during my last trial I had gone to the spa in the evenings and processed everything so I could be fresh and alert and receptive in the morning and, ultimately, manage to connect with the jury as a human being. I certainly would not have missed my heart crumbling upon remembering that I am alone, and probably always will be. But whatever because, on the drive down to visit Mom for her surgery, I would have missed falling immediately in love with Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand by Primitive Gods. How has it slipped by me when it came out six years ago?! (And to think I sat down to write this morning, as I write this entry, thinking, Oh, hell, it's been another of those days when I'll have to reach because nothing really happened. Incidentally, practicing that reach over the past three months has transformed me into a new being.)
If this project speaks to you, please feel free to donate in crypto. Thank you for reading.


text:
In this post I cover how you can launch an effective SEO campaign that drives 50,000 visitors a month.
These are the same strategies I use on Ignite Visibility, my agency website that generates this same amount of traffic through search engine optimization.
If you're still on the fence about SEO, it's important to remember that these days, search engines can make or break a business.
The fact is, 93% of online experiences begin with a search engine, and 75% of users never scroll past the first page.
Make sure you're on the right side of those numbers by taking advantage of the following steps.
First, Optimize Your Main Page and Service Pages for SEO Campaign
Believe it or not, controversy exists even in the SEO world.
One of the biggest? How to use SEO for your homepage.
Some, like the author of this Yoast article, argue that homepage SEO doesn't even exist.
I disagree.
Homepage SEO is different, I'll give you that, but it does exist.
The key difference? Use your homepage to target keywords related to the overall mission of your business in your main and service pages.
This means you'll be targeting terms specifically related to your target services, categories, and product-specific keywords.
Take Ignite Visibility.
We're a digital marketing company that specializes in SEO. Google "SEO company" and you'll find us on the first page.
We're optimized for that keyword, and it's exactly the service we provide. When people click on the link, it will be taken to our homepage where they can learn more about the company and our SEO specialization.
But even a homepage has its limitation, and can generally only be optimized for 2 to 3 broad keywords.
Luckily, pages dedicated to specific services or products are ideal for optimization.
If one of your services happens to be social media marketing, give it its own page and optimize it for that specific keyword.
Bonus tip: make sure it's clear to search engines which terms you're trying to target on each page and try to put them on the pages with the highest potential for conversion.
For example, on a ecommerce site that's likely your product pages, so optimize your product terms for their corresponding pages.
Determine Your Personas For an SEO Campaign
For a campaign to be successful, it has to reach the right people.
And to reach them, you have to know who they are.
That's where your buyer persona comes in.
Hubspot explains your buyer persona as "a semi-fictional representative of your ideal customer based on market research and real data about your existing customers."
I like to call it an imaginary friend to your brand.
When determining your personas, you'll want to include:
- Who they are – age, gender, location, job
- Why are they visiting your site?
- What is their desired outcome?
So with a persona on hand, you won't be guessing why someone is coming to your cooking supply website. You'll know that Carol – busy mom on-the-go – needs convenience, fast, and your avocado pitter and slicer fits the bill.
Map Out Keyword Segments Around Each Persona For Your SEO Campaign
The bigger question here is how that persona fits into your SEO plan.
The answer is segmentation. By understanding your audience's motivations, you will be better able to target them at each stage of the marketing funnel.
First of all, it will help you brainstorm keywords.
If you know that your customer desires specific traits or details from your product, you can include them in your target long-term keywords.
Instead of just including "kitchen accessories," brands would want to focus on key phrases like "time-saving kitchen accessories," "easy kitchen accessories," etc.
You'll also have an understanding of what kinds of questions they ask search engines.
The answer to those questions and searches is what you'll build your content marketing SEO around.
Specifically, your blog.
It's where you'll optimize for keywords related to your niche, even if it's not related to a direct service or product you offer.
Because even if it's not in your direct line of business, it will attract people in your target market to your site, expose them to your products, and help establish you as an authority figure in your niche.
A few tips:
- Write posts that will rank for general words and terms
- Include long tail keywords that your competition may not be using (and compiled based on your buyer persona)
Create a Content Publishing Schedule for Your SEO Campaign
A content schedule is, quite simply, a marketing lifesaver.
By mapping out your future posts and articles, you'll save yourself the stress of having to produce last-minute-but-still-somehow-brilliant content.
Which is great and all, but one of the even better benefits is that a schedule will keep you on top of your SEO game.
This will again take your keyword research and buyer persona into account.
Keep in mind, the competition is stiff – the Content Marketing Institute reports that 70% of B2B marketers surveyed say they are creating more content this year than they did in 2016.
Which is where really knowing your niche will come in handy.
While conducting your research, try to look for and target keywords that don't necessarily get the most traffic.
Instead, focus on slightly less popular keywords that you know will resonate with your niche. Once found, develop and map out content ideas around those target terms.
Everything from Google Keyword Planner to tools like Soovle, which pulls keyword data from all of the major search engines, can help you find and plan your topics.
Another reason a solid schedule pays off? Search engines really like fresh content.
So if you want to rank higher (and who doesn't?) then you'll want a consistent, relevant schedule to stick to.
Create a Page Refresh Schedule For Your SEO Campaign
The fresher the content better, right?
But what about that blockbuster blog post you published a few months ago?
Sad to say, but 74 percent of new articles hit their traffic peaks on the same day they're published, followed by 25 percent the following day.
Posts that have received good traffic in the past don't have to be filed as yesterday's news, especially if it's evergreen content (marketer-speak for content that always stays relevant).
By periodically updating and republishing posts that have done well in the past (and including in your schedule) you can continue to reap the SEO benefits.
Include any new keywords, optimize new images or include a video.
Even pages from legacy websites or old pages that don't perform well can be maximized to drive more traffic to the pages you care about.
Watch this video to learn my process.
Another great way of maximizing your quality content is to repurpose it. Check out this infographic I compiled of 92 ways to repurpose your old content for ideas.
Develop a Linking Plan for Your SEO Campaign
When it comes to SEO, there are two kinds of links:
- Internal – a hyperlink that directs you to a different area of the same website
- External (backlinks) – an incoming hyperlink from a web page to another website
While backlinks usually get most of the attention, internal links are an important SEO factor in their own right.
For an effective strategy, you'll want to include links:
- On the category level – there should be internal links between the different categories on your site
- In each post – link to previous related articles or videos in each new post
- Your sitemap – this makes it easier for Google and other search engines to crawl your site
For more detailed information on the above, check out this video I made.
Backlinks are another essential SEO element, and one you're likely familiar with.
They're so important because 1.) they bring in traffic, and 2.) they help your site rank better.
While we often associate backlinks with links in posts from other people's pages, there's an effective way to build your own backlink strategy as well.
For example, sites like YouTube, LinkedIn and Slideshare offer relatively easy ways to incorporate links.
Not only is YouTube the second largest search engine in the world, but it's owned by Google, which means links included in video descriptions are a win/win.
Similarly, post relevant content with links back to your site to LinkedIn, or develop a slideshow on SlideShare with links.
Other sites like Reddit, Tumblr and Flickr present great opportunities to leave links. For a full list backlinking strategies, take a look at my list here.
When it comes down to it, the number one thing you can do to increase your backlinks is to produce quality content.
The better the content, the more views and links it will attract.
Focus on Link Building Weekly
Remember, link building isn't a one-time fix.
In order for your strategy to work effectively, it needs to be ongoing.
I recommend focusing on it weekly.
Decide which pieces of content or pages you'd like to share and where, and spend some time publishing and linking back to those pages.
Every single week.
Host an Event Once a Quarter For Your SEO Campaign
Events generate a buzz. Whether they are online webinars, a launch of a survey, a live event, etc. It is important to always have something new to talk about. That keeps your business relevant and makes it link worthy.
For example, when I launched "SEO: The Movie" I looked at that as an event.
But really any event can work, even a live on in your community.
First of all, outside of SEO events offer a simple and effective way to reach those in your community, introduce yourself and start building relationships (ie networking).
But of course, you're here for the SEO part.
It's the perfect opportunity for an event landing page, which means more opportunities to optimize for SEO.
More specifically, local SEO.
Even if your clientele isn't limited to a local population, it's still worth taking advantage of.
Google has reported that 4 out of 5 use search engines to conduct local searches, meaning that any chance you get to include location-specific keywords will likely have a positive effect on your SEO.
To use it properly, use your NAP (name, address, phone number) in any as many places as possible. In the case of an event, that would be your landing pages, advertisements, announcements, and social media links.
Furthermore, local news or community organizations will often publish a list of upcoming events, which could provide your business with another opportunity for press and backlinks.
Publish Infographics and Studies in Your SEO Campaign
If you're not using infographics, I'm afraid you're falling behind.
After all, infographics are liked and shared 3x more than other content.
And because of its popularity, it's an ideal opportunity for businesses to build backlinks.
Once again, great content is more likely to be seen and linked to by influencers. When done correctly, infographics make great content – content marketing that contains visual elements can generate 95% of views as compared to plain content.
To make sure yours are high quality, keep these tips in mind:
- Engage your audience with a unique design
- Keep text minimal
- Make it easy to understand
- Add share buttons
Studies work similarly. A well-researched, well-developed study will be full of relevant and timely information that can be referenced in posts and articles from other influencers in your niche.
Launch Your SEO Campaign
As you can see, SEO's much more than a few keywords here and a couple links there.
But when the pieces come together, it's one of the most effective ways to get your business noticed.
Are you using these strategies in your SEO campaign?

subset: commoncrawl


text:
LUNG FORCE Heroes
Connie S
I was having chest pain and went to the ER. They did a ct scan and found the spot on my lung. I had lung surgery on March 9, 2015. I was diagnosed with stage 1, they took 1 /15 of lung and tested my lymph nodes. Luckily for me, the cancer did not spread. No chemo or radiation. I was lucky only because I knew there was something wrong and I was persistent in making them keep checking till I found out what was wrong.
First published: December 16, 2015
American Lung Association is solely responsible for content.
Hero stories are the point of view of the Hero and not necessarily the American Lung Association. The Lung Association does not endorse any specific provider, facility or treatment.


text:
This seems like it'll be a hoot. Well worth a Saturday night in Downtown just to see this for yourself.
Who can argue with a hundred Santas?
Time and Place: Saturday, December 6, 2008 at 8:00pm - Raleigh, NC
Street: Glenwood South
Dress in a Santa Suit. Go bar hopping. Spread cheer. BE 21 OR OVER.
Wear a Santa suit!!! Bring prezzies or little gifts if you want to. Bring cash for bar tabs. Santa does not pay cover. The more the merrier. Ho ho ho!
Santa apparel is mandatory. A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. If you don't have any money, be creative. If you don't have any creativity, slap yourself three times and ask your mom to help you. Glue cotton balls to red long johns. Already have a Santa suit? Make a spare so Santa can assimilate strangers.
Pay your own damn bar tab.
The answer to important questions that may arise:
Q: Who's in charge?
A: "Santa"
Q: What organization are you with?
A: "Santa"
Q: What are you protesting?
A: "Shitty holiday parties"
Q: How did you get here?
A: "A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer"
Q: Where are you going?
A: "I'm only allowed to tell you if you dress like Santa"


text:
Occupation: Ret. Crimial Prosecutor
Since 1989, Prosecuted Hundreds of Serious and/or Violent Felonies, Murder, Sexual Assault, Physical and Sexual Child Abuse, White Collar Crime
100% Conviction Rate on all Felonies (including Serious and/or Violent Felonies) against Criminals taken to Trial
Assigned to Abolish Chronic Truancy Program. Shifting Focus from Prosecution/Incarceration toward Parental Education
Implemented The Voter Approved Proposition 36 in the Superior Court
Former Deputy Public Defender, Los Angeles County 1986-1989
Graduate of The University of California, Riverside (Dean's List) and The University of San Diego, School of Law


text:
Any ideas why this might be?
Both times I set the gear mesh as per the manual (using a piece of paper) and the slipper clutch a 1/2 turn from full tightness. Yet both times within about 5 minutes using a 7-cell NiMH the spur has stripped.
When it happens the vehicle makes a crunching noise when moving, and I noticed too that when I try to adjust the slipper clutch, even when I tighten it all the way you can hear the high pitched squeal from it slipping.
The stock spur lasted for about an hour of run time. I'm not sure if the first strip was caused by debris getting into the gear box or not though. But these last two times I'm almost 100% positive it wasn't.
Was there a lot of heat from the slipper? I had problems with heat on my nitro revo. Replaced slipper clutch shoes and so far so good
make sure there is no side to side or up and down movement on the slipper clutch. Some times when bearings wear out the shaft will get sloppy and cause spurs to strip. Check the idler gear got this same problem. The idler gear has 2 bearings in the gear. Make sure the shaft the idler gear rides on. Iis it still straight and not bent or broke? Also did you land real hard lately? You may have bent the chassis or tweaked something else. When nothing looks obvious you gotta ask the "what if" questions and look out side the box even if it does seem a little far fetched. Maybe the motor is slipping in the pivot mount. I use a star washer on my motor mount screws. They help the mount screws from coming lose from vibration and torque.
"You just got passed by a Traxxas"
Id have the slipper clutch at least 3, to 3 and half turns from fully on, a half turn out wouldn't allow much slip at all. Id say that's the problem.
PHOENIX Bandit,Summit,Funny Car,Darkrayne Rustler
Nitro Rustler, Rustler HW Brushless Motor, ESC
Check to make sure the slipper pads did not break or crumble. If 1 goes, that whole assembly will sit crooked. destroy the spur, and slip like crazy.
Ya can't polish fertilizer...
Well.. from everything I've read/seen on the net regarding the Bandit/Rustler clutches - a fair few have recommended the 3-3.5 turns off fully in. I'd still try that and see if it stops it stripping the spur!
I'm running about 3 turns from fully in on my Bandit with a fairly powerful 9T 4000kv 4 pole SC motor and it's perfect for me. No squealing here... if i had it 1/4 turn from all the way in id destroy the teeth on my spur easily.
All im saying is.. it couldnt hurt to try.
Last edited by Stach35; 04-11-2013 at 06:37 AM.
PHOENIX Bandit,Summit,Funny Car,Darkrayne Rustler
Make sure the motor screws are tight
Slash 2wd, Slash 4x4, 30th digger, Rustler VXL
On page 23 of owners manual shows how to set up your clutch . Hears the manual for the Rustler .http://traxxas.com/sites/default/fil...0-120912_4.pdf . Look at page 23 .
Last edited by rhardy60; 04-11-2013 at 08:41 AM.
1 Rusty VXL
My guess is you are using the L shaped wrench that came with the truck to tighten down the motor screws. Those tools will get you going but I strongly suggest getting some better tools. I am thinking the motor is slipping on you changing the mesh and stripping the spur gear.
BlindMan Racing
Rusty - MERV - Pede 4x4-Alias
SPC Lipo Power
Yes, I am using the included L shaped wrench. However when I've gone to loosen the motor, the screws have remained very tight. So I would imagine that means the motor didn't move?
I'll try the 3 turns (or at least more than 1/2 turn) and see if that changes things, thanks.
Haven't checked the slipper pads this second time around, but the first and second time the spur stripped I did and they looked fine. I'll check that. Unfortunately I didn't notice if there was a lot of heat from the slipper either.
Most of the riding has been on the street. I think I've only sent it airborne (purposely) maybe 5 times. What's interesting is the first two strips occurred while riding on the street. This last time, though, I think it happened right after / very soon after it rolled down a hill and landed (it didn't look very hard) on the pavement. Evidently the black motor protector thingy took some of the impact, because where it snaps in to the underside of the body, one of the sides was out of place so I had to snap it back in. But again it didn't seem like that hard of an impact. Maybe it was though?
Well there is only two things that can cause the spur gear to strip...
1- The mesh is not set correctly, the mesh is moving, or there is a bent motor shaft or input shaft causing the mesh to tighten / loosen up
2- There is some sort of debris getting in between the pinion and spur gear.
BlindMan Racing
Rusty - MERV - Pede 4x4-Alias
SPC Lipo Power
The 3 bolts holding the spur on must be tightened evenly, and not over tightened.
If you ever locked the spur down and overtightened it, the clutch plate, flexible bowl shaped spur, or slipper ring could have been distorted.
I have even gotten brand new stock spurs that were warped. Not traxxas fault as I am sure that happened in shipping, or when a lhs employee dropped a case of nitro fuel on it or something. But the spur is flexible.Especially the 90t. You can hold it between your index and thumb and bend it without too much pressure.
If your locking it down very tight (could have overtightened and damaged something), and its still squealing(maybe some grease on the slipper pads?), you may want to pull the whole assembly off and clean it, inspect it, and reassemble, replacing anything that may have been damaged, distorted or warped.
I cant agree with dad that there are only 2 things that cause a spur to strip, but the 2 he mentions are the most common.
Ya can't polish fertilizer...
What you outlined is another possible scenario for the same thing, bad mesh. Bad mesh for whatever reason or debris are the two things that will kill a spur gear as described. You can also just wear out a spur gear but not int he time frame mentioned.I cant agree with dad that there are only 2 things that cause a spur to strip, but the 2 he mentions are the most common.
BlindMan Racing
Rusty - MERV - Pede 4x4-Alias
SPC Lipo Power
I had issues with the motor screws getting loose after each runs and damaging the spur teeth. So what I did was put tiny bit of tread lock and tie it tight. After 20 mins of run time I would check the screws to make it tight, but don't over tighten it. Overtime these screws do come loose, but the tread lock will greatly slow it down so you will have time to check again. Now my stripping gears is eliminated.
I'm going with a mesh problem either from incorrect setup, motor screws being loose or something bent or warped with the shaft or the gear. My Rustler and both of my Slashes run 4 pole motors and I can't remember the last time I stripped a spur gear.I only run the slipper 1/8 turn out from full lock and never had a problem. I've snapped the main shaft several times but never stripped the gear. Setting mesh isn't an exact science and I don't trust the paper method. What I do is tighten the gears together then back off the pinion just a hair. what I look for is just a bit of play in the mesh. If you look closely you can see the teeth rock back and forth just slightly. Now you want to rotate the spur gear and check for binding and or too loose a mesh. These gears are cheaply made and not always perfectly round. try and find a happy middle ground and if you can't, try another gear.. I only change spur gears when changing ratio's for racing or bashing to control heat.
To the original poster.. I'm sure you checked everything you can think of but obviously something is wrong. Have you checked the input shaft for wobbles from a bad bearing or possibly bent? also checking the motor mount screws is iffy at best. The stock mount is plastic!!! It can warp and twist easily. Try moving he pinion when the motor is tightened down. If you can move it at all you found your problem.. These motors have alot of torque and can easily shift around causing problems.
Last edited by cenracer1; 04-11-2013 at 04:12 PM.
Maxx3.3/ rusty5700/ slash3800/ slash5700 /4tec3.3
Just wanted to apologize for my last post saying 3-3.5 turns out... was thinking about the pro-line trans in my Bandit lol... Good one!! :|.
Looking at the Traxxas recommendations i'd try about a 3/4 turn from fully on.
Id also check the motors shaft for any bends.
Apologies once again and good luck with it.
PHOENIX Bandit,Summit,Funny Car,Darkrayne Rustler
Mesh is the biggest thing. You can have the slipper loose or tight, neither will cause the spur gear to strip. I've gone through a rash of them at one time and my biggest problem was the motor moving on the trans even with the screws tight. Stock screws don't have a wide enough base to spread out the load on the case. I moved to Traxxas 3.3 nitro motor mount screws that have a larger head to upgrade. On the plastic case they still slipped. I switched to lunsford fat boy motor mount screws and it worked better. My aluminum trans really took care of the motor moving after I got it tight though.
Traxxas spur gears can be warped and slightly out of round right out of the package. It seems to be more prevalent on the larger gears vs smaller ones. I've noticed the spurs being out of round the most problematic to setting mesh. If you use the paper method you might only be set right on one section and 60 to 90 degrees from that point it might be significantly looser. Loose enough you could wipe it out. I end up setting the mesh at one spot, snug the motor (not locked down) and roll the spur by hand while watching the mesh. If I see a section that is looser than where I set it first I'll loosen up the motor and close the gap and roll the spur by hand again. I end up checking the mesh in 3 areas at least and split the difference so I'm not overly tight and not excessively loose. I don't have a problem between the aluminum trans and paying close attention to overall mesh and not just one spot.
Brushless 9cell/3s Street Rusty
I'm with cenracer1: 1/8 to 1/4 turns is what I run, but mostly 1/8.
Alt-248 on the number pad = °
Not sure if it's been mentioned already, but I'm gonna guess that you're running in loose dirt with the stock gear cover? I did that one time with a brand new truck and destroyed the pinion and spur within 10 minutes. The hole in the stock gear cover allows a lot of dirt in and traps it there. Never had an issue with it on the race track because it was well-groomed clay and there wasn't much dirt or debris to pick up. After running in loose gravel and ruining the gears, I replaced the pinion and spur and left the gear cover off. No more problems after that aside from an occasional clicking noise from a small piece of dirt getting embedded in the spur gear.
Another option is the RPM gear cover. It doesn't have that gaping hole by the diff output and seals much better than the stock cover.
One more thing to check. Loosen the mesh and check for end play in your motor shaft and trans output shaft. If the first failure was from dirt between the gears, you may have wiped out a bearing. A worn bearing will make setting the gear mesh impossible.
Last edited by harry697; 04-11-2013 at 10:42 PM.
Unless there is drag in the drive line(seized bearing, overshimmed internal gearbox gears, leaking 300k oil from a diff). I myself broke 2 steel diff ring gears in 2 min of run time due to a leaking "sealed" diff.You can also just wear out a spur gear but not int he time frame mentioned.
Have you submerged the driveline in water without cleaning and re oiling the driveline bearings? If so check for seized bearings. Your squealing sound with a locked slipper does not make sense, unless the clutch pads are crumbling or there is grease on the pads.
Have you opened the gearbox and closely inspected the gears for a chipped tooth? If you ever broke a cross pin, steel idler or diff ring gear and missed a chunk, it could fall into the gear mesh, jam the gears suddenly, and all that shock goes directly to the spur. The crunching sound you mentioned makes me think of this.
Did you buy both gears at the same time from the same place? Could both the spurs possibly be a plastic compound defect from the same batch?
If you have not dismantled the gearbox and checked things internally, you may want to do so. We are running out of things that could go wrong on the outside of the gearbox...
Last edited by rag6; 04-12-2013 at 06:14 AM.
Ya can't polish fertilizer...
Thanks everyone. Sorry for taking so long to respond. I just took off the gear cover and spur gear and tried to move the motor shaft (I guess that's what you call the thing that the pinion is secured to) up/down/left/right. There is a very, very, very slight bit of play. And I mean very slight. I can't really see the movement but can hear and feel it.
I can also grab the pinion and pull outward and the shaft moves a bit too (more so than up/down/left/right).
I don't know if this was how it was when I first got the truck before I ran it, since I never tried it.
Could this be my problem or is that very very slight bit of play normal?
The small amount of shaft play you describe is perfectly normal.
Do yourself a favor get some good tools and cover the basics. Check to make sure nothing is bent set the mesh properly and get the motor cinched down (need good tools) and you should be fine.
BlindMan Racing
Rusty - MERV - Pede 4x4-Alias
SPC Lipo Power
+1 on the motor mounting screws loosening, thus widening your mesh and stripping the tips of the spur teeth.
Instead of getting different tools, I was thinking about putting some blue Loctite or Permatex or Zap on the motor mounting screws. Any reason why this is a bad idea?
If you have good tools you wont need the thread lock for the motor screws. If you use the thread lock and it works but you stick with the tools that come with the truck when you go to undo the screws you may have a different problem,,,stripped screws are never fun to deal with. If you are going to stick with the hobby you are going to need some good tools sooner or later or you will be having consent frustrating problems.
You might also consider some upgraded motor screws. I use Lunsford FatBoys they come with a cone shaped washer that really works well and wont let the motor move from my experience. They are kind of expensive but well worth it IMO.
Last edited by Dadx2mj; 04-15-2013 at 11:05 AM.
BlindMan Racing
Rusty - MERV - Pede 4x4-Alias
SPC Lipo Power
Thanks. Recommend any tools in particular?
And I imagine that the motor mount screws should be tightened as tight as possible then? Because for the times I tightened them before, I did tighten them as tight as they would go. Although I turned the wrench with the short side rather than the long side so there'd obviously be less leverage...
Ya can't polish fertilizer...
Hey dad, I think I will get those screws. Do you use the long (3x10mm) or short (3x7mm) version?
Update: the Fat Boys and better hex wrenches are on their way. As are some 32P pinions and spurs. Thanks for all the help guys.
After replacing the spur again, I took a close look at my 25T stock pinion and noticed that the very edge of one of the teeth had a slight chip in it. So I replaced it with a new 23T one, and, while the batteries weren't fresh, the spur hasn't stripped yet. So that very well could've been the problem. I didn't closely look at the pinion before, unfortunately. Just didn't expect it to have chipped since it's metal, but I guess I was wrong.
I do have one other question for now though. When traveling at slow-er speeds and coasting, my truck is making a non-linear, chug-a-chug sound. Sounds like it's coming from the tranny. I know this sounds silly to ask, but is this normal? I've driven the truck so little and it's been days since I last drove it, I forget whether or not it always sounded like this...
The steel spurs are not light weight. My hot racing 32p steel spur weighs 5x a jato 32p or stock rusty 48p spur. Do you have any non metal 48p spurs???
Ya can't polish fertilizer...
I've been using plastic 48p spurs and the 32P spur I bought was also plastic (the Jato).
Sorry, wrong part #, I actually got the 2904.


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4 months ago
Hello. Building a small PC with "Asus Q87T/CSM Thin Mini ITX LGA1150 Motherboard". The System Builder recommends all kinds of PSUs, but I doubt they will work because this mobo needs only 19V via a 2-pin ATX 19V cable. Can a modular ATX PSU be used for this? If not, any other suggestions?


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Frequently Asked Questions
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A. No, we do not accept song demos for the purpose of pitching songs to recording labels or for the purpose of sharing with other music publishers. Currently, JBPB Publishing only serves as the publisher of their own music.
June 27, 2017


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There's something magical about being on a set of a television show. You get to see just how the magic works. We got a tour of the set of ABC's Single Parents, the hilarious ensemble comedy about a group of single parents who lean on each other to survive the world of parenting. Come backstage as we're shown all the rooms by star Jake Choi (Miggy Park) and Executive Producer Jason Winer.
Thank you, Disney, for hosting me on the Ralph Breaks the Internet Event. All opinions about how Jake Choi is my new BFF are my own.
How Do They Film In Many Houses on Single Parents?
The series stars Taran Killam as Will Cooper, Leighton Meester as Angie D'Amato, Kimrie Lewis as Poppy Banks, Jake Choi as Miggy Park, Marlow Barkley as Sophie Cooper, Tyler Wladis as Graham D'Amato, Devin Trey Campbell as Rory Banks, Mia Allan as Emma Fogerty, Ella Allan as Amy Fogerty and Brad Garrett as Douglas Fogerty.
How do they film in so many spaces for Single Parents? Since they are single parents and all have their own living spaces, you'd need 5 different houses, plus a school to film regularly!
Jason Winer explained that because of the laws and working with kids, they have limited hours. "We had to build every environment in here so that we can do the whole show moving from environment to environment and somehow manage to shoot episodes in one week. So, it's a challenge, but it's one we have fun with. But all the sets were designed with that in mind."
Let's see the sets!
ABC's Single Parents Set Tour
Jake Choi should add tour guide extraordinaire to his resume. He had me laughing the whole time as we walked through the many rooms. Here's a Single Parents secret: some spaces are redressed to use as two different rooms.
Each home is decorated with purpose. Douglas's house is very sophisticated man-cave like. This is his office.
Angie's house is very Angie and a little xoxo, Gossip Girl mom vibe. It is Leighton Meester, after all.
Even her kitchen is made to look intentionally cluttered like a single mom. Shoot, I'm a married mom and my kitchen is way more cluttered.
I'm laughing at Jason, because he is so sweet, and as we were told they needed the room, he's like, one more minute. He wanted us to have all the time and information we needed. He really was the best!
Miggy's apartment is classic bachelor pad, no money style. Jake even posed with his shoe collection, and we're like the paparazzi snapping away.
In Poppy's house, we were treated to a view of Rory's room. That kid is amazing, and his room shows it! Fashion is his passion, and don't you forget it.
We then went to the Elementary School! I pretended to be Miss Adams, but I ain't got nothing on her.
As we stepped outside to the courtyard and playground, we saw some of the other stars of the show! I had to laugh as Brad Garrett turned the corner, because 25 bloggers is quite the surprise!
Everyone was so kind and took a picture with us. Taran Killam shook all our hands and introduced himself, which was way cool. It was fun to see all the details up close and personal. There are no stupid questions! The bulletin board says so.
We finished up in the Winebrary and then it was time to say goodbye. I wish we had more time, because it was so much to take in and all very surreal. The sets are huge!
Jake Choi offered up one of my favorite all-time selfies. It was an absolute pleasure!
Why We Need Single Parents on ABC
As we've had shows that definitely talk about and involve the lives of Single Parents, now there's a show that's dedicated completely to the lives of Single Parents. Parenting is hard, and the cheesy line that the casts begs Will not to say is, "It takes a village."
But it does take a village. Even if you're married, there are times as mothers and fathers, that we feel alone, especially if we don't live near family. You rely on the people around you, and often it's the parents of your children's friends. This show takes a humorous approach of showing us how sometimes we're thrown into a group that we might not have chosen for ourselves initially, but we realize how much we need and love them.
And no, being a great parent does not mean sacrificing everything about your own identity. Something I have to remind myself constantly.
Tonight's Episode on Single Parents
You can watch Single Parents Wednesdays at 9:30|8:30c on The ABC Television Network or streaming or on demand.
Tonight on Single Parents:
"The Beast" – Will encourages Angie to rediscover her passion for heavy metal music by taking a guitar class, and in turn, Angie insists that Will get back in the field covering weather by driving both of them into a storm. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang explore their romantic passions as Douglas pursues his crush on Big Red with the help of Miggy, and Poppy feels an instant connection with a dreamy musician.


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Twelve perfect rosebuds make up this delightful pan. From muffins to cakes, its a lovely presentation.
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- Exterior Dimensions: 12.5"L x 12.5"W x 1.75"H
- Lifetime Warranty
- Made in the USA


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Raymond Helble began composing at the age of 10 and conducting at 12. As a child, he was self-taught in composition, and had only class lessons in violin, as his family could not afford private music lessons.
When a senior in High School, he applied to – and was accepted at – Julliard, the Manhattan School of Music, and the Eastman School due to his highly developed compositional technique, including eighteenth century contrapuntal writing; technical skills learned by working through music theory textbooks (Fux, Goetchius, and Piston,) and studying scores from the local public library.
Mr. Helble chose to do his undergraduate and graduate studies at the University of Rochester's Eastman School. His teachers included Samuel Adler, Wayne Barlow, Warren Benson, and Pulitzer Prize winner, Joseph Schwantner. His musical education also included conducting studies with Willis Page and Walter Hendl.
Although Helble was involved in the business world outside of music for most of his working career, he continued to write on commission for thirty-five years, and has been a guest at many colleges and universities to conduct performances of his works, or participate in composition seminars.
Mr. Helble's music is recognized for its technical excellence, distinctive motivic material, contrapuntal dexterity, and high polish, whether he writes in a tonal, modal, atonal, or serial manner. Of his 50+ published works, many have been in print for 30 years, and continue to find a market. He writes in every classical genre except opera.
Due to his long association with marimba virtuoso and instrument designer, Leigh Howard Stevens, Helble has produced a large set of works both for the marimba, the percussion ensemble, and marimba in chamber music settings that are standard repertoire.
Percussionists, chamber groups, choral groups, and orchestras perform Mr. Helble's music all over the world, and he has received ASCAP awards every year since 1990.
Born and raised in the New York Metropolitan area, Mr. Helble now lives with his wife, Carol, in central Missouri.


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Hello All,
I've been trying to use the dust and spot tool in Capture 6.4.4 on a Pro Mac 10.7.5 Tower. I use it at the end of the shoot to spot out anything on the background or sensor etc, it's a great feature. I select all the spots etc on one file and copy and paste the edits to the rest of the images in the session. All the spots are gone in Capture One. However when I process the images out to Tiff files and open them up in another program the spots reappear? I am obviously doing something wrong, as the spots are gone inside of Capture One but the removal of the spots are not being translated during the process to Tiffs. Any help would be appreciated.


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My Top 6 Travel Essentials
Grab a notepad and a pen, these are my top six travel essentials you should never leave home without.
The following six items are my must-have travel essentials I always travel with and highly recommend for any budding traveller.
Of course, each to your own. You may have your own essentials to take and of course, far be for me to tell you want you should and should not take whilst travelling.
However, more often than not, we often find ourselves packing things for travel you really don't need to take with you and pack because you think you can't live without it. So, to help you make a better choice on what you should and should not take with you, I have compiled my master list of what I take as my essential go to items. Because everything else, well it can be bought whilst travelling. But some items, just can't.
Yes, as much as a laptop can be a real nightmare when travelling. They are heavy, you need to take it in and our of the bag every time you pass through a security scan at the airport. I always take my laptop. Now, I will be honest with you here. I do have two laptops. One for home and another smaller version for travel. It has super basic software, enough for me to access emails, the internet, blog and save photos. Laptops are handy, for at the end of the day, you can upload all your photos from the day onto the laptop and keep you camera and phone clear for the next day. This also means, less of a risk for losing images or deleting images. Which, yes has happened in the past, which has resulted in my investing in a travel laptop.
Extra tech charges:
Whether it be for charging your laptop, phone, headphones or camera, do take as many portable charges for all your devices as possible. This comes in handy when you find yourself travelling through parts of the world, where electricity is hard to come by (yes, there are plenty of places which do still exist like this). When I travelled through Egypt for 19 days, I struggled a lot trying to find outlets to charge all my tech. It was really frustrating and as soon as I found a Duty-Free shop, I had to buy additional batteries and memory sticks to ensure I didn't find myself with dead batteries and full memory cards, as my laptop battery was dead and I couldn't upload anything. It was super irritating and a mistake I will never make again.
Water Bottle:
Okay, this one may sound a little weird. But, if you have a water bottle you can pack into your suitcase, you will be super thankful you have one with you. Even if you aren't travelling in remote areas. Travelling with water bottles means you can always fill up and take water wherever you go, making sure you never get dehydrated. I do this even when I stay in big cities. Especially as I spend hours walking through all the nooks and crannies of cities and rarely come across anywhere to grab a drink. I fill the bottle in the morning from the hotel water; which is clean, and then take with me for the day and it has been a lifesaver at times.
Travel pillow:
This is not just for when you are travelling long distances planes, trains or any other form of transport. Travel pillows make the best alternative to pillows in your accommodation. I have lost count, the amount of times I have stayed at a hotel and the pillow has caused me nothing but headaches and neck aches. Yes, even at five-star hotels. I have chronic neck issues and so prone to headaches when my neck is under stress. This also means, the perfect pillow is essential for a good night sleep. Too many hotels, especially five-start hotels have pillows which are WAY too fluffy and I always wake with a saw back and neck. Travel pillows support my neck and help me get a good night's sleep.
Take a diary, or two:
This is one item I never leave behind. I always pack two, one for keeping track of where and what I am doing each day and date and another where I have space to actually record a personal account of what I experienced every day whilst travelling. Don't be turned off my the idea of recording down your holiday in a dairy either. You don't have to be a brilliant writer to record your memories. But, it is a good way of remembering what you got up to whilst travelling, many years down the track. When I get home, I often pick my favourite pictures I took, which match that which I have written in the dairy, so I can glue it into the dairy also. This makes a great keep sake for many years to come.
Travel beauty essentials:
I often find myself in circumstances where re-applying moisturiser and makeup whilst on the road is key to helping me feel refreshed and renewed on my travels. I travelled deep into the Egyptian Black desert once and didn't take any beauty essentials, like face cream, cleanser or makeup. This was a huge mistake, as we stayed overnight in the desert and the next morning, I felt dirty and unkempt. I find it far easier to skip a shower, then to not have a nice fresh face, so now I always take a small travel kit, which allows me to maintain my face, and make me feel almost like I just had a shower.


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Working in conjunction with refuse customers, Transfleet pioneered hook bin transportation into the waste management industry some 20 years ago. We offer a 22 tonne GVM (gross vehicle mass) and a 27 tonne GVM model depending on customers' requirements.
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Phone and talk to Matt Gillies about designing and manufacturing a trailer to suit your individual needs.
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B&B Partner Testimony from GraceLife / B&B Counseling on Vimeo.
Thank you for supporting Beholding & Becoming Counseling Services! If you elect to become a monthly partner, we are happy to offer you (or an immediate family member) access to complimentary counseling services, and the opportunity to attend any training events we offer at no charge.
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You can donate securely online by clicking the "Partner With B&B" button below and completing the information. You may give a one-time gift, or set up a recurring monthly gift in the amount of your choosing. You may also gift a block of six counseling sessions for those in need by clicking on the "Gift Counseling Sessions" button below.
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BUFTA Finalist
Darwin High School Year 12 student Max Conaghan has been announced as a finalist in the 2018 Bond University Film and Television Awards (BUFTA).
BUFTA is a short film competition for aspiring filmmakers from Year 11 and 12 secondary schools across Australia. The competition has grown to become one of the richest competitions in the Southern Hemisphere and the winner receives a full fee paid scholarship to study Film and Television at Bond University students can enter a film, made as a part of a school assessment or as an independent project, into one of six categories: animation, comedy, documentary, drama, experimental film and music video.
Max is a top three finalist in the Drama category for his film Bailey.
By student Max Conaghan
Bailey follows a boy whose nightly skate along the Nightcliff foreshore turns into a nightmare - and the outcome is deadly. It is based on a true story of a woman who was murdered by her boyfriend, and I wanted to adapt this story to Darwin. BUFTA is a prestigious Australia-wide film competition, and I was the only person from the NT to make it into the preliminary finals, and then I made it all the way to the finals. Please vote for me in the People's Choice category, as being the only person from the NT to make it in, I want to make a huge impact in the awards, and represent the NT well.
Vote for me at https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/CNLQ3N5?fbclid=IwAR2vtf0TCUOhbpcSJP35QfZgHTGZkFAqKQfFPxDRwJk6QIFGlc-Nlmg4uv4
Bond University will fly Max to the Gold Coast for their Gala Awards Evening on Saturday 24 November, where the winners will be announced. From all the staff and students at Darwin High School congratulations and good luck!