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Sunday, August 21, 2011
Even Worse Than Predicted
I wish I could say that the failure was directly the result of the film's deviations from Howard's stories, but that seems unlikely, given how little known Howard's stories are. Of course, one might reasonably argue that, by presenting just a generic sword-and-sorcery movie whose lead happens to be named Conan rather than one that draws on what makes Howard's stories unique, the end result was inevitable. We've already got Clash of the Titans and Prince of Persia, what, other than the name, does Conan bring to the table that they don't?
Such questions are likely academic for now. Howard has never been treated well by Hollywood -- I think there's only ever been one remotely faithful adaptation of his stories -- and the failure of the 2011 Conan the Barbarian won't do much to increase the odds of that's changing. I'm OK with that. Like Lovecraft, Howard's an author about whom I care enough that I'd rather see no movies made of his works than bad movies. If I go to my grave without there ever being another Conan film made, I won't mind at all.
66 comments:
I don't consider box office returns when judging "failure" - all that means is that the typical American is more into things like "Transformers" (Ugh) or those equally inane street racing movies (I can't even remember the damn name of the series - but you know, with that noted thespian Vin Diesel)?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 8:53 AM
It's been under-previewed in the UK compared to the Apes movie, so I doubt it'll do well until it gets On Demand and DVD.ReplyDelete
Have you read Momoa's interview in Empire ? - at least he's knows what YOU want from Conan.
It may not have adapted one of his stories but it had plenty of nods to Howards world & style; Mitras gets a mention; picts & many other nations/races get a run; sorcerors are evil & creepy as hell; a bit of sworplay; a bit of a sea voyage.ReplyDelete
It "felt" enough like a Conan story to me (& yes, I read & enjoy Howard). I really enjoyed it. Shame others are too busy nitpicking to just enjoy the attempt.
It was a damn sight more interesting than the snoozefest LOTR series.
Have you read Momoa's interview in Empire ? - at least he's knows what YOU want from Conan.ReplyDelete
I haven't. Is it available online anywhere?
- AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 9:26 AM
I was being sarcastic - what he actually said that made me wince was:ReplyDelete
'if people are really stuck on Conan being their own one thing, I think it's time to address it. We wanted to give respect to Robert E Howard, but you can't just focus on his fans. There are eight decades of stories and comics and movies since him, so Conan is different things to different people. You can't please everybody, but you can re-imagine Conan every couple of generations, like Batman or Bond.'
- AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 9:32 AM
'It was a damn sight more interesting than the snoozefest LOTR series. 'ReplyDelete
But is it more enjoyable than The Scorpion King ?
I'm having a hard time even finding a theatre thats screening it. Most only have 3-4 shows a day, and two of them are during "Normal Business hours" I.E. impossible to get to.ReplyDelete
I thought so. I liked it alot, 7/10. YMMV.ReplyDelete
The Mummy movies I can take or leave.
'The Smurfs' did $35.7 million it's opening weekend.ReplyDelete
The Smurfs kicked Conan's ass.
The shame is unbearable.
I'm probably going to see it today, just because it's sounds fun.ReplyDelete
BTW: I HATE critics. they'll be the first ones up against the wall when the revolution comes. IMO, they serve no purpose in society as a whole.
The only folks who I would take their word on are gamers and S&S lovers when it comes to this kind of movie, and from what I've read, a majority liked it.
So, since most of the critics don't like it, it means to me that it must be pretty good.
I enjoy REH's works, but I am not a purist by any stretch of the imagination. As long as they capture the spirit of the stories, I 'm happy.
In other words: James, do yourself a favor and go see it, at least at a matinee. I know I am.
I can't comment on whether it lived up to REH, but i saw the movie and thought it was an enjoyable film that added some fun to my Saturday afternoon. In terms of my own personal enjoyment I'd probable rank it a 7 or 7.5 out of 10. I think you're being overly harsh on a movie you haven't even seen yet. You're also judging it using criteria that has nothing to do with the quality of the content.ReplyDelete
I enjoyed it. As I've said elsewhere online, I don't think it's a particularly good REH Conan movie, but it's a nearly note-perfect Roy Thomas "Savage Sword of Conan" movie, that I'm OK with that.ReplyDelete
James, you are hardly objective when commenting on this movie and haven't been in any post about it. Every post you've made about this movie has the "idiocy" tag attached to it... that's hardly an objective.ReplyDelete
If box-office numbers are your sole criteria for whether a movie is good or not... well.. I don't even know how to address that.
This was a good sword and sorcery movie, it was a good Conan-like story, and Momoa portrayed Conan very well.
Theron: Now that's a review that speaks to me! =)ReplyDelete
Is Conan/REH public domain? anyone know?
I think the problem with Conan is that he is Saturday UHF Station Afternoon Movie Matinee material. Enjoyable, but not something that you would want to spend money on. You wait until it comes on TV with commercials. I love me some Conan, but I will wait until out of theatres, and out of on-demand, and out of subscription cable. FX or TNT or something will replay it to death in a few years, and that is when it will make its money. Kinda like Underworld. I don't know anyone who saw that when it came out, but now it is being replayed everywhere. Same type thing. I'll see it when I see it. In a few years, they might make another one.ReplyDelete
If there's something that is so totally wrong with the present movie industry it is the totally inane fixation with money made the first weekend.ReplyDelete
Note: I'm not bashing James here, but the system. Broken, I say.
- AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 1:34 PM
Underworld is being replayed because there is another sequel coming out....ReplyDelete
But then, wasn't the original just another "failure" movie too?
Conan is a fun movie, it isn't perfect, I did like it much more than the Potter films but I don't expect everyone else to as well, especially since not many people even know the roots of Conan, how can they appreciate it?
"Howard has never been treated well by Hollywood..."ReplyDelete
It seems Howard himself has been treated better than his creations. The Whole Wide Word was actually quite good, though it's definitely not a sword and sorcery story.
In other words: James, do yourself a favor and go see it, at least at a matinee. I know I am.ReplyDelete
That's my plan. I don't anticipate I'll like the film any more than those who have seen and whose opinions I trust, but I feel a certain obligation to do so nonetheless.
The Whole Wide Word was actually quite good, though it's definitely not a sword and sorcery story.ReplyDelete
It's an excellent movie and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to get a sense of REH as a man and a writer. I wrote a review of it here.
I saw the movie Friday and would totally agree that it is way more Roy Thomas than REH. In fact, I would say it is completely based on the comics while also referencing the Arnold's Conan. Many of the scenes are direct homages to Dark Horse's artwork.ReplyDelete
While I'm certainly not gushing about the movie, it provided very light entertainment for a Friday afternoon. There are some great visuals and flashes of an awesome movie that could have been (Leo Howard as young Conan rules). In the pantheon of crap Howard movies, I would place it above Red Sonja and Kull. It' slightly better than Conan the Destroyer, but not much. To be fair, I loved CTD when I was a kid, but it did not age well at all.
The aforementioned Empire Magazine Jason Momoa interview:ReplyDelete
I find it hard to understand why it did so poorly, when Clash of the Titans did so well without being pushed so hard.ReplyDelete
I caught it yesterday. It is, IMHO, a terrible Conan film (as expected) and not even a particularly good swords & sorcery film. Our hero barely achieves one-dimensionality, his father is a dolt, the villain and the plot are equally laughable, and at the end of it all, there was only one character I cared about, a minor figure who sailed off-screen well before the climax. Honestly, I don't care that it was a bad Conan film; a good one would be more than we can reasonably expect out of Hollywood. But every time Tinseltown turns out another poorly written, poorly directed, big budget but low grossing S&S movie, it lowers the chance that we'll ever get a good one. I'm not telling anyone to stay away from this. Go see it, or wait for the DVD, and form your own opinion. I'm sure it will develop a following, just as other films of its grade (Krull, Red Sonja) have.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 3:15 PM
Maybe the films it's up against ?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 3:26 PM
I liked it. It had its flaws (the Hyborian world's huge, but Conan covers a *lot* of ground in not a lot of in-narrative time). I thought it was a fun sword & sorcery movie, the brutality's good, the villain isn't a moron. Rose McGowan was *horrible* in it however. A fun Conan yarn/pastiche set in his early 30s. It just seems to fit in that part of Conan's life.ReplyDelete
To Jay, re Whole Wide World, It was a great movie. It was inspired and tragic. It felt like something Howard could have written if he lived long enough.ReplyDelete
To James, Pigeons from Hell is one of my favorite stories. It still gives me chills forty years after I first read it.
It's sad that a good Conan movie will likely remain in our imaginations. I am sure somebody could do it in Eastern Europe or even Canada on a minimal budget. Many of his stories do not require elaborate sets or a lavish budget.
"I find it hard to understand why it did so poorly, when Clash of the Titans did so well without being pushed so hard."ReplyDelete
Simple: Arnie. To the world in general, most of whom have seen Arnie or clips of Arnie or sketches about Arnie's Conan the name "Conan" is a joke. The original Clash of the Titans evokes somewhat fond memories for many people who saw it as kids in the cinema or on Saturday TV.
I know CtB has something of a reputation among FRPGers as being underrated but, honestly, is is a bloody awful movie; nearly unwatchable to anyone not starved of seeing their favourite genre on the big screen.
I don't believe any "normal" adult would watch it from start to finish today except in an ironic mood, and if you want to make back $80m you can't go niche.
CtB has cast a long shadow over the Cimmerian for non-fantasy fans. Unless word of mouth from this week is something special, this project is a dead duck regardless of its own merits.
Hopefully this isn't one of those Superman situations where people identify so much with one actor playing a specific role - like Christopher Reeve playing Superman - that it sort of poisons any subsequent portrayal by other actors.ReplyDelete
In the United States some of the stories are, and others aren't. In Australia they all are. Don't know about anywhere else.
I'm still planning on seeing it... it looks fun even if it isn't 'real' Conan. I expect I'll like it a lot more than the Ahrnold version.ReplyDelete
The 'opening weekend profits' thing is a vary lame way to judge... anything... except for opening weekend profits. Especially dumb when news media report on it as if it somehow informs you about anything.
I still value critics though... a good critic can pan a movie but still let you know that you'd enjoy it. Ebert is always good for that IMO.
- AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 5:13 PM
Saw this last night in 3d with the wife, who is a Jason Momoa fan since GoT on HBO. I thought it was a perfectly decent Sword & Sorc movie; more a Savage Sword of Conan movie than a Howard original stories Conan, but definitely enjoyable. I thought a bit too much time was spent on lil' Conan, and the main villain got a bit too much somewhat sympathetic motivation, but overall it was pretty darn fun. Speaking of Eastern Europe, it looks to have been almost entirely a Bulgarian/hollywood collaboration. My wife recognized some of the caves immediately.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 5:57 PM
I just got back from a showing at the Alamo Drafthouse.ReplyDelete
Having seen some of every film adaptation of Conan, I can say it's better than "Conan the Destroyer," the Conan cartoon (clips from which the theater showed before the movie), and the horrible TV series. It is, in some ways, truer to Howard's Conan than the original "Conan the Barbarian" (of which it is very much a remake) but it is not as good a film. It lacks the point-of-view, the (dare I say?) philosophy of the original... and Tyler Bates' score is no match for Basil Poledouris.
It feels strangely like a 3.5 or 4E game brought to life -- dungeonpunk armor and spectacular but ultimately over-long set-piece fights. Speaking of D&D, the Alamo Drafthouse always shows a montage of related film clips as pre-show entertainment; in addition to the scene from "The Whole Wide World" in which Howard talks about Conan (which made the film that followed even more disappointing), I caught classic trailers for the films "Sorceress" and "The Sword and the Sorcerer." They actually name-dropped D&D in both trailers!
Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of the new Conan is they actually directly reference "the Tower of the Elephant" at one point. If the film makers had just had the sense to stitch Conan's early thieving stories together into a coherent plot they could have saved half their budget or more and made a film that would have been at least as successful.
At least it had lots of boobies.
Yeah, from the credits it seems the entire population of Bulgaria worked on this movie.ReplyDelete
For good/faithful adaptations,we can still hope for a release of the animated Red Nails with Perlman voicing Conan. Maybe?
If only this one would do well, I'd love an animated Tower of the Elephant prequel (Conan's pirate buddy mentions that as one of his past exploits in the movie).
Definitely not a "Sword & Sorcery" movie - there was almost no sorcery! The intro sequence was terrible and most of the first half of the movie was a waste of time with far too much clumsy hack-and-slash gore. The second half was MUCH more interesting when all that was mostly over with. The one "monster" was lame. The movie needed more one-on-one battles, more monsters, more sorcery, more acting, more time spent on fantastic scenery, and far less of the clumsy large battles and fake gore. There was a lot of potential, but the movie was most valuable in inspiring you to think about "what could have been".ReplyDelete
Competent filmmakers could have made a great movie with the same cast and effects and a straight adaptation of the original stories. I'm glad I saw it, but felt frustrated it didn't live up to its potential.ReplyDelete
@Brooks RowndReplyDelete
I was just about to decide to watch this movie (with suitably low expectations) until I read "...there was almost no sorcery!" That's downright discouraging. Now I'm not sure I can be motivated to watch it.
By the way, one movie that has a surprisingly Howardian "feel" without having anything to do with Robert E. Howard's fiction is Mongol: The Rise of Genghis Khan (2007). I thought as I was watching it that this director could conceivably make an excellent Conan movie.ReplyDelete
I'm not sure why someone would say there is no sorcery, there was plenty of sorcery. The entire plot was built on Acheronian Sorcerey..ReplyDelete
I think there's only ever been one remotely faithful adaptation of his storiesReplyDelete
Thanks, James. I watched that today on Netflix. I haven't read the story in eons, but it seemed to follow fairly well. Plus, it was a fairly macabre production for 50 years ago TV!
I'm surprised to see people decrying Rose McGowan's performance. I thought her witch-girl was awesomely creepy. I'd say Rachel Nichols' Tamara was a considerably weaker link.ReplyDelete
It feels strangely like a 3.5 or 4E game brought to life -- dungeonpunk armor and spectacular but ultimately over-long set-piece fights.ReplyDelete
Thanks, gaelbach, for the comment of the thread so far.
Matthew James Stanham said...ReplyDelete
"I find it hard to understand why it did poorly, when Clash of the Titans did so well without being pushed so hard."
Actually they had a massive marketing campaign for it in the millions. plus COTT came out only a few months after Avatar so Sam Worthington's presence helped tremendously, but even more so, it also had a PG-13 rating which means families were more inclined to go and anyone over 13 could attend. on their own. This is the sole reason why garbage like Alvin and Chipmunks made close to $50 million dollars on the opening week.
No matter how bad Conan might be( I'll be seeing it tomorrow) at least they kept it an R rating.
But every time Tinseltown turns out another poorly written, poorly directed, big budget but low grossing S&S movie, it lowers the chance that we'll ever get a good one.ReplyDelete
That's why I keep wishing Hollywood would quit focusing on a known "brand" like Conan and just try to make a good S&S movie. They've proven time and again they don't get Howard, so wouldn't the wise course of action be to start from scratch with something original -- or at least go and pick on some other S&S barbarian? Might I suggest Thongor or Brak? I don't think anyone would complain.
CtB has cast a long shadow over the Cimmerian for non-fantasy fans.ReplyDelete
Sadly so and too many of the decisions made about this movie made it unlikely that this situation would ever change. I mean, why did they choose to use the very same title for this movie as the 1982 one? How is anyone supposed to take this movie on its own merits when it uses the same title and, on top of it, goes with the same "You killed my father, prepare to die" plot outline? Madness.
Hopefully this isn't one of those Superman situations where people identify so much with one actor playing a specific role - like Christopher Reeve playing Superman - that it sort of poisons any subsequent portrayal by other actors.ReplyDelete
That could very well be the case. I've read too many reviews that compare Momoa unfavorably to Schwarzenegger, complaining that he's "not right" for the role since he doesn't look anything like Arnie did. Of all the things to complain about, Momoa's appearance is not one of them.
Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of the new Conan is they actually directly reference "the Tower of the Elephant" at one point. If the film makers had just had the sense to stitch Conan's early thieving stories together into a coherent plot they could have saved half their budget or more and made a film that would have been at least as successful.ReplyDelete
That's probably the result of some late script doctoring by Sean Hood, who tried to inject some genuine Howardian content into the movie. Sadly, from what I have heard, his efforts mostly amounted to some name dropping and offhand references to REH yarns here and there.
For good/faithful adaptations,we can still hope for a release of the animated Red Nails with Perlman voicing Conan. Maybe?ReplyDelete
Oh, how I wish we'd see that, but the project seems dead in the water and has been for some time.
Thanks, James. I watched that today on Netflix. I haven't read the story in eons, but it seemed to follow fairly well. Plus, it was a fairly macabre production for 50 years ago TV!ReplyDelete
Yeah, it's pretty well done, especially considering its age and that it was done for network TV.
I saw the movie this afternoon (in 2D. Might that make a difference in the reviews?). As a Howard fan I'm disappointed that it wasn't an actual story adaptation, but despite that I really enjoyed it. It felt closer to the spirit of the stories than the Arnold films. It certainly seems like some of the Dark Horse comics, or Savage Sword. Another pass through the editing phase to tighten some scenes and transitions could have made a difference. I think I might go again next weekend.ReplyDelete
I didn't realize that Thriller was on Netflix Instant. That's great news.
I wonder if one problem with Conan movies is that the focus is often on the fighting and the barbaric superman element. Too often it's "yeah, I want an ADULT sword and sorcery movie: more gore, more flashy martial arts, more sex."ReplyDelete
Too video game - and audiences have seen a million video games. A Conan movie is probably closer to a Western with swords and monsters.
Yet one of Conan's appeals is that he's actually a dynamic character who men and women want to follow, fall in love with, etc. (Conan is picked up by pirates or nomads or whatever. Within a week or so, he's more popular than their own leaders, at least partly because he's a hard-working everyman with a sense of humor.)
Instead of trying for the grim blood-soaked Frazetta cover, I wonder if Conan would work better in movies if the goal was first and foremost to write and portray him as a strong but likable masculine hero.
Think Eastwood's Dirty Harry, Willis' John McClane, etc. A guy who is tougher than anyone, sure, but also a guy who audiences can love for the way he talks, acts, etc.
- AnonymousAugust 22, 2011 at 3:03 AM
Having just seen Cowboys & Aliens, one of the two films I predicted to be good enough to see in a Theatre this year (based purely on their superbowl ads), this year's stock of film offerings is bad. Most are DVD night material.ReplyDelete
What Kills a Movie?
Too much CGI.
Irrelevent 3D.
Impossible Stuff.
Messages preaching Loyalty to church and state.
The Next good movie will be three hours long and about An Alien Invasion during the revolutionary war with as little CGI as possible.
As a critic (http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/275118/crom-wept-john-j-miller#) put it, "As you know, the best of Robert E. Howard's pulp tales of the 1930s ... cry out for the cinematic talents of a Akira Kurosawa or a Sergio Leone, men possessed of the same operatic poetry, grandeur, heroism, and thematic depth found in Howard's original stories."ReplyDelete
This is a good point: Leone's combination of grand spectacle, hard-bitten realism and sense of nostalgia would be the perfect way to do Conan (I have even suggested the Leone - Kurosawa idea to my friends back in 2001 or 2002).
However, modern Hollywood could never make that movie. It is too mired in seeing creative works through a thrice-removed perspective. There is no directness, no sense of "being there"; you couldn't find Leone's sweating, dusty, shifty-looking tramps, just characters distantly based on sweating, duty, shifty-looking tramps as imagined by urbane movie industry people.
Even the technology contributes to the disconnect. Roger Ebert once recalled how Fritz Lang's movies were made: "He was often accused of sadism toward his actors; he had Lorre thrown down the stairs into the criminal lair a dozen times, and Peter Bogdanovich describes a scene in Lang's "Western Union'' where Randolph Scott tries to burn the ropes off his bound wrists. John Ford, watching the movie, said, "Those are Randy's wrists, that is real rope, that is a real fire.''" "That is real rope, that is real fire" - CGI cannot give you that.
But it is mostly about attitude. Which is why the movies Hollywood produces nowadays feel like badly made carbon copies; either graphic novel-like in a bad way, or in the case of Tarantino and his imitators, ironically revelling in schlock in a way that actually feels deadly dull. The new Conan seems to be a combination of these two approaches.
Damn! Netflix canada doesn't have thriller streaming...Pigeons From Hell is a favorite of mine and I'd love to watch the show. :(ReplyDelete
The best spin I could put on this film is this, Conan could've been the best SyFy channel movie of all time!ReplyDelete
It sucked. Terrible film.ReplyDelete
@mortellan - YES! It could also be the best D&D movie to date.ReplyDelete
"Instead of trying for the grim blood-soaked Frazetta cover, I wonder if Conan would work better in movies if the goal was first and foremost to write and portray him as a strong but likable masculine hero."ReplyDelete
The best moments (few and far between) in this latest film were when they let Conan actually converse with people and interact as a human being rather than as a sword-wielding Robocop. Momoa has charisma, and a few other characters might have become engaging if they'd been allowed to say anything even remotely interesting. As it was, the villain was the only character who uttered anything meaningful, which is why he was the only one you felt any connection to at the film's ending.
This comment has been removed by the author.ReplyDelete
If the box office wasn't bad enough, now Stan Lee is suing over ownership of the IP and want's 100% of the profits. It's a bit boastful on his part, but no question, this is a sure sign there's going to be many lawsuits to follow. The pool has definitely been pissed in and any chance of seeing another Conan film made again in our life time is basically dwindled down to zilch.ReplyDelete
Wow... I guess the Dark Horse comics, video games, RPGs, and new printing of the original REH stories over the past decade never showed up on his radar.ReplyDelete
Be interesting to see how this plays out.
Stan Lee has been in the entertainment business for many years. If he has/ or had a clame to other IP rights he would get a cut of the profits of those as well -or he may just own a portion the film rights. This is nothing new as everyone in Hollywood is always suing one another.ReplyDelete
Stan Lee Media is NOT Stan Lee. This is the remnants of the company that was once part of but is now really confusing. Stan Lee Media is actually suing Stan Lee and also trying to claim ownership of Marvel Characters. You can read about the company's history of Wikipedia.ReplyDelete
I meant to say that "he was once part of" above.ReplyDelete
SLM did try to buy Conan but at that time the dot-com bubble burst and I think it reverted to the previous owners or was never finalized.
I don't understand why everyone wants a "faithful adaptation" - it's not like the author was consistent about his own setting!ReplyDelete
Actually they had a massive marketing campaign for it in the millions. plus COTT came out only a few months after Avatar so Sam Worthington's presence helped tremendously, but even more so, it also had a PG-13 rating which means families were more inclined to go and anyone over 13 could attend. on their own. This is the sole reason why garbage like Alvin and Chipmunks made close to $50 million dollars on the opening week.ReplyDelete
No matter how bad Conan might be( I'll be seeing it tomorrow) at least they kept it an R rating.
Odd, it seems to be getting a lot more exposure here than Clash of the Titans, but it might just be perspective. That is a very interesting point about the rating, never even considered that as a factor.


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Monday, December 17, 2007
Our 2007 holiday gift baking spree report...
Fair warning - this is a massive post! It may take a bit to download all of the pictures if you are on a slow connection. If there is a recipe for any of the treats, you will find them colored in blue and located directly underneath the picture. Now, shall we dive right in?
Starting us off is one of Jeff's all-time favorites - Almond Roca. We toyed with the recipe this year - occasionally we had issues with the butter separating during the cooking process in the past. By changing the sugar amount (slightly), reducing the water and adding a couple tablespoons of light corn syrup, I made around 7 perfect batches of this - no separating issues at all! Crunchy, buttery, nutty and a rich layer of chocolate make this candy irresistable.
Here is one of the new recipes - Candy Cane Biscotti. This biscotti is crunchy, yet still somewhat tender as it has a butter-based dough. We dipped half the ends in melted white chocolate and sprinkled them with additional crushed candies.
Buttery checkerboard pretzels are the base for these next treats. They are topped with a caramel laced rolo, placed in the oven to slightly soften the chocolate and adorned with a crunchy kissable candy.
It wouldn't be right if we didn't make one of our favorite cookies. Using chocolate malt powder in the dough gives these a leg up over regular M&M cookies.
We always do two types of fudge and here is the first. Always a big hit and gets lots of comments!
The pups felt a little left out during the past couple of years when we did this mega baking spree. They decided we had to include a baggie of holiday-shaped biscuits to give away to the people who have doggies so they can feel the love too!
While this next treat is not a new recipe to us, it is the first time we have made them to share with others. These caramels are so fantastic, yet so easy to make. Chewy and delicious. There is a picture of them unwrapped if you click on the link to the recipe.
These cookies are new to us this year. Instead of decorating them all, we sent along a bag of homemade royal icing (no worries, we used meringue powder and not egg whites!) in a few of the boxes so they could have some fun and decorate the cookies themselves.
Hee hee... we did have a little fun while baking them - let's just say a few of the cookies lost a limb or their head(!) by the swift plunge of a scalloped cookie cutter. This was done by special request from Jeff - is he evil or what? So we did decorate a few cookies after all... see?
A caramel/toffee mixture that is heavily ginger-spiced is poured over popcorn and slowly baked in the oven to crisp up. This is so crazy good - it is one goodie that is hard to keep your hands out of!
These spiked pecans are a new recipe to make the list this year - the nuts are first thoroughly coated in a combination of egg white and the coffee liquor. They are then tossed around with granulated sugar, cinnamon and salt, and then roasted until the nuts are golden and the coating is nice and crunchy. They don't have a boozy taste at all, just sweet with a very mild coffee/cinnamon spiced background - these fancy nuts would be an exquisite addition to any holiday party tray.
We have to make so many batches of this bark because it is just so good. This has two layers of real white chocolate with a dark chocolate/cream mixture in the middle that is infused with peppermint. It also has two layers of crushed candy canes!
We do these crispy meringue bites often - the only thing I did differently this year was to add a green and red stripe to the pipping bag to create the effect you see!
This next unusual treat is a great way to use up popcorn. Salty and sweet with a mild molasses hint lingering in each bite.
We always make this snack mix to have around - this is quite spicy, so feel free to reduce the cayenne if you like.
We thought we should include another cookie to the mix (or we may just be crazy), so we did one of our new favorite gingersnaps! These store quite well and have a pleasant spicy (but not hot) bite.
Smooth, creamy and rich - the only words that can describe this additive fudge!
And finally, another recipe that is a must for every year. One-bite salty and sweet treats - these are small Ritz Bits crackers, filled with peanut butter, dipped into real white chocolate and finished off with a variety of holiday sprinkles.
35 comments:
Wow! I love it. Great work. You did it again. This is always my favorite post of the year.ReplyDelete
Joe, I bow to your holiday baking madness! Perhaps next year I could just send you a list of the people that I bake for you and you could just add them to your list. Of course, they would know they did not come from me as my baked goods never turn out as beautiful as yours. Yummy , yes, just not as nice looking. Your friends and family must be thrilled with the gifts. I hope you, Jeff, and the dogs have a wonderful holiday. LauraReplyDelete
- Anonymous12/17/2007 05:05:00 PM
Did you ever know that you're my hero...ReplyDelete
Martha aka dorothyntoto
OMG! What a spread of goodies! Your neighbors are so lucky.ReplyDelete
The cinnamon fudge really caught my eye, I may have to try that recipe.
Wow! Impressive line-up as always.ReplyDelete
Your gingerbread people gave me a good giggle. Love it! Brings to mind, "Oh no, Mr. Bill!". :D :D What is it about gingerbread people or things like chocolate bunnies that bring out the sick humor?? :D
Next year I'd like to try to add some candy things in among the cookies for a little variety. Like that peanut butter-chocolate fudge - yum!
Now those are some great recipes! Everything looks wonderful.ReplyDelete
Beautiful! I've used a couple of your recipes for my gift giving this year, so thanks for sharing! Those espresso caramels were lovely.ReplyDelete
Have a great holiday, hopefully you can relax a bit now the baking is over!
Holy smokes, Joe - I can't believe you guys find the time to do all this!! That is WAY impressive. And I thought I was good because I managed to bake 100 cookies last week (of a whopping 2 different varieties). :o You put my sad attempts at baking to shame! ;)ReplyDelete
And you have some very lucky friends and family - I'd be honored to get treats from you anyday!
Holy crap. I baked three kinds of cookies and some oreo truffles yesterday and was exhausted. I can't even imagine how you must feel! Great holiday spread. All the recipients are very lucky to be receiving such delicious gifts!ReplyDelete
I'd be ready for hibernation, not just a nap after all of this. That's an amazing amount of baking! You have some very lucky people in your lives!ReplyDelete
You're Amazing! Someday I hope to conquer the recipes in this post. :) But, instead of in a matter of days, I'll take a few years!ReplyDelete
You weren't kidding about the baking spree.ReplyDelete
Jeph and I have long wondered: what is your day job? How do you manage the time to do all these wonderfl things.
The Swedish gingersnaps are similar to my Mum's recipe. Always a hit at home and when I bring them in to work!
- Anonymous12/18/2007 05:20:00 AM
Even though I've been too busy to leave comments lately, I always look forward to this post! Phenomenal job again Joe! The recipients are in for a treat as usual! Happy Holidays!ReplyDelete
Wow, Amazing Joe!!!ReplyDelete
Everything looks delicious!!! I will try your changes in the almond rocca when I make it again. I did make a couple batches already with the original recipe and did get the butter separating a little. Thanks for all these great ideas and recipes!
um... the kahlua spiked pecans? YUM! i made them last night to add to my gift baskets. they are SO delicious! thanks for sharing.ReplyDelete
I have decided that is the pool table...the only thing big and strong enough to hold the treasure trove of goodies!ReplyDelete
Tx for many great recipes over the months.... I am a big biscotti fan...so will try the pepperminties...
check out the chocolate covered cherries on my food blog if you get a chance...they look pretty festive in their little red foil cups.
Oh, my!! I bet you all are exhausted!! That is quite a spread.ReplyDelete
Joe, I am totally impressed and amazed with all the beautiful goodies you created for Christmas!ReplyDelete
The best post ever---thanks for sharing your expertise!ReplyDelete
- Anonymous12/18/2007 08:25:00 PM
A true work of art. May you and Jeff have a Merry Christmas.ReplyDelete
Someone called my holiday baking "hard core" today... I think I might need to redirect them to this post so that they can see what hard core *really* looks like!ReplyDelete
Everything looks wonderful. I think I'm going to have to give the Kahlua Spiced Pecans a try.
Happy Holidays to you both!
The people who get your baked goods are sooo lucky! Everything looks wonderful.ReplyDelete
I think I'm going to try that gingerbread popcorn!
awesome work! those candy cane biscotti look fabulous. And can you tell me if those gingersnap cookies are chewy or more "snappy"? I'm looking for a chewy gingersnap.ReplyDelete
Merry Christmas!
Honestly, I just want to know how to get on your receiving list? :) Absolutely incredible, and then to do tamales the next day. I want your energy and drive.ReplyDelete
- Anonymous12/19/2007 06:42:00 AM
please post the cut outs and your recipes for those. woowowowowowow! they look great!!!!!!!!! Krista,Canton OhioReplyDelete
Wow! That all looks so delightful- your recipients are going to love you.ReplyDelete
Next year you should consider putting one of your baking spree packages on the Menu For Hope raffle. You'd get a TON of entries trying to get a taste of Joe's homemade treats.
When I picked up the box, I didn't look too closely at the return address, I just saw J something and J something; I expected that it was from my aunt and uncle and merely thought it strange that they couldn't fit a gift that size in my folks' luggage.
I wasn't sure whether my aunt wrapped the gift before putting it in the mailer, then I decided that she would - my heart started to race when I saw it wasn't from her but instead was going to be a package of delicatable Christmas treats.
I now understand why Jeff says he eats all the fudge so that you have to hide it from him: so smooth with no hint of the graininess often found in others' efforts. The roca simply melted, which makes no sense for that type of candy, but I mean that it was suitably brittle without breaking my teeth. Prior to tasting, I wasn't sure about the gingerbread popcorn, it just sounded odd, but once I tasted it, OMG! Fantastic!
Sierra is also happy that she was remembered; it's hard to get a coherent review out of her, but I think it's safe to say she likes them. Without having read the recipe, I know that homemade dog treats are generally safe for human consumption, but I've decided to pass on trying them myself.
Thank you so much! I don't think they'll last another day.
Thanks everyone! It was a lot of fun, but quite time consuming. I loved it though!ReplyDelete
Peter - I'm lucky enough that I'm able to do my work from home.
Crafty - The are definitely firm and "snappy", but not rock hard either. I'm not sure I would describe them at being chewy though.
Joe - you know Peter, Steven and I all post about our holiday baking, candy making (except for Peter), etc, but you just go all out gang busters. Holy cow!
I LOVE the dismembered gingerbread men - VERY creative to do that INTENTIONALLY (as opposed to just having to make the sacrifice of eating those that break during the baking/decorating/packaging process). VERY cool!
So, um, just how sick of sugar are you right now? LOL
Totally gonna have to try some of these recipes - most notably the gingerbread popcorn!
Wow, I can't believe you made all of those yummy treats. There are so many I want to try now. Thanks!ReplyDelete
- Anonymous12/20/2007 07:04:00 PM
Joe - On the table of treats I'm spying something that looks like decorated sugar cookies - santas, maybe penguins to the left of the santas and something on the far right - soldiers?ReplyDelete
Did you decorate them yourself? I wondered because they look awesome and I didn't see any mention of them or any pics.
Jeph - kind of, but I'm already trying to figure out what to bake now!ReplyDelete
Rachel and anon - Thanks!
Alysha - Hmm, I'm not sure what you mean. Did you click on the picture to blow it up? I *think* what you see are just the treat bags - we used ones that had fun holiday images on them!
Joe - Okay - duh! I thought they were decorated cookies wrapped up in clear bags. I think I'll go take a nap...... :-DReplyDelete
Alysha - hee hee! No worries... it was hard to take a good clear shot of all the stuff!ReplyDelete

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"I believe that peace means that one person has the biggest stick. I build those sticks." – Walter O'Brien
UPDATE: This episode ended up sparking a lot of controversy. Many skeptics asked pointed questions about Walter's background, claims, and credentials (often pointing to pages like this or this). This is the first time I've run into such an issue with the podcast, so it took me some time to figure out how to respond.
Here is my post-game analysis, as well as Walter's response.
I struggled with whether or not to take down this episode and blog post entirely. In the end, I decided it was more instructive to leave the below original up (with this new preface) and add an audio note to the beginning of the podcast (coming soon).
I'm hoping it will help us all improve, especially yours truly. Thank you for all of your feedback.
Walter O'Brien (AKA "Scorpion") (@walterobrienscs) is the founder of Scorpion Computer Services and ConciergeUp.com, a for-hire global think tank that provides intelligence-on-demand as a concierge service. The tag line for the latter is, "for any funded need."
- Need to defend against chemical warfare?
- Move an entire manufacturing operation over a weekend?
- Save a loved one from a deceitful spouse?
- Thread the needle on a thorny legal issue?
- Become a pop star in a foreign country?
When Walter and his team of 2,000+ distributed geniuses say "any funded need," they mean it literally.
Born in Ireland, Walter was diagnosed as a child prodigy with an IQ of 197. He became an Irish national coding champion and competed in the Olympics in informatics.
Fast forward to today, he and Scorpion get paid to fix every imaginable problem for billionaires, startups, governments, Fortune 500 companies, and people like you and me. On the large side, it ranges from mitigating risk on $1.9 trillion of investments to inventing artificial intelligence engines to protect United States war fighters in Afghanistan.
Walter is also the executive producer of the hit CBS TV show Scorpion, inspired by his life, which has reached more than 26 million television viewers.
I was introduced to Walter well before the show, and we go deep in this conversation, with lots of amazing and also hilarious examples of problem solving.
- Listen to it on iTunes.
- Stream by clicking here.
- Download as an MP3 by right-clicking here and choosing "save as."
Want to hear another podcast from a world-class computer scientist? — Listen to my conversation with Luis von Ahn, the founder and CEO of DuoLingo. In this episode, we discuss learning languages, building companies, and changing the world (stream below or right-click here to download):
This podcast is brought to you by Wealthfront. Wealthfront is a massively disruptive (in a good way) set-it-and-forget-it investing service, led by technologists from places like Apple. It has exploded in popularity in the last two years and now has more than $2.5B under management. Why? Because you can get services previously limited to the ultra-wealthy and only pay pennies on the dollar for them, and it's all through smarter software instead of retail locations and bloated sales teams.
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This podcast is also brought to you by Boll & Branch. There is a lot of nonsense in the bedding business. For instance, did you know thread-count is not a good measurement of quality? It's a total myth. The "Made in Italy" label? It isn't something you should necessarily pay extra for because it generally means it's just finished in Italy and woven in places like China.
The general industry mark-up for bedding is 700 to 800 percent at most retailers. Boll & Branch creates incredibly high-quality bedding. They are the same sheets you'll find at my home in San Francisco.
The best part? You can try anything you order at home for 30 days. If you don't love it, send it back and get a full refund. Go to Boll & Branch and use promo code "TIM" for $50 off your entire order. Whether sheets, towels, blankets, duvet covers, or anything else. Shipping is always free.
QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What is a problem you would like to have ConciergeUp solve for you? Please let me know in the comments.
Scroll below for links and show notes…
Selected Links from the Episode
- Learn more about ConciergeUp
- Learn more about the Aegis Ballistic Missile Defense System
- Fooled by Randomness by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
- Bad Science by Ben Goldacre
- Learn more about HTC VIVE
- The Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson
- Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson and Jonathan Davis
- Glimpses of Heaven, Visions of Hell by Barrie Sherman and Phillip Judkins
- Learn more about Teslasuit or tactile feedback suits
- Learn more about ScenGen
- Watch the TV show based on Scorpion
- The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Green
- The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
- Into the Heart of the Mind by Frank Rose
Show Notes
- How Walter O'Brien began his relationship with NASA [8:15]
- How Scorpion came to be [13:20]
- The Emotional Quotient vs. Intellectual Quotient phenomenon [15:05]
- The origin story of the name Scorpion and current status of the company [16:40]
- The largest project Scorpion Computer Sciences has worked on [20:05]
- How Scorpion implements "any funded need" solutions [20:42]
- The "Gold Digger" story [23:07]
- The current state of head transplants and why it may be of interest [30:00]
- Why Walter O'Brien has never tried alcohol [38:28]
- How Walter O'Brien cultivated a higher EQ [43:25]
- Thoughts on developing the skill of rational thinking [45:30]
- Meditative practices [53:10]
- On virtual reality [57:15]
- What is ScenGen? [1:04:20]
- Are high IQ intellectuals more susceptible to emotional highs and lows? [1:12:47]
- Cognitive patterns in people with high IQ [1:14:54]
- How the TV show Scorpion came to be [1:16:45]
- When you think of the word successful who is the first person who comes to mind and why? [1:30:22]
- How Walter O'Brien gets out of a funk [1:32:09]
- Most gifted books [1:33:20]
- What purchase of $100 or less has most positively affected your life? [1:34:40]
- Advice to Walter O'Brien's 30-year-old-self [1:37:45]
- On the challenge of sleeping [1:39:35]
- Particular morning routines [1:41:35]
- Thoughts on New Year's resolutions, goal setting and completing the to-do list [1:42:30]
- Historical figures that Walter O'Brien identifies with the most [1:43:50]
- If you could put one billboard anywhere, with anything on it, where would it be and what would it say? [1:45:00]
- Final words and asks of the audience [1:48:10]
People Mentioned
The Tim Ferriss Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world with more than 900 million downloads. It has been selected for "Best of Apple Podcasts" three times, it is often the #1 interview podcast across all of Apple Podcasts, and it's been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many occasions. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out this page.


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Have you had it up to here with the gossip and put-downs? Are you tired of following the dress code of your group but think you'll be dropped if you don't? Are you concerned about whether you'll still be included this year at school or whether you'll feel like an outcast — or worse, be picked on?
Whether you're on the outside looking in or the inside wanting out, it can help to know what makes cliques tick.
Being part of a group can help make your day easier to deal with — and you can learn some great life skills like being a good listener, sharing experiences, and respecting people.
Groups can form around things people have in common. So jocks, goths, preps, skaters, and even the math club are naturally drawn together because they share similar interests. The people in these groups feel they have a place where they're welcome and supported, and where they can be themselves. Some people form groups from being in drama club, or liking the same music or movies, or even just because they like to hang out at the mall.
Some groups stick together for a long time. Others drift apart after a while as people develop new interests, make different friends, or just find they have less in common. People can move in and out of different groups and can even be part of several at the same time. Even within a group, people often have one or two friends they feel closest to and enjoy the most.
Some friendship groups seem pretty flexible and welcome people to join in. Others seem much more restricted, though. People in these groups make it clear that not just anyone can be part of their crowd. That type of restricted group is sometimes called a clique.
Cliques are tight groups that usually have a strict code of membership and ways to act. Instead of being centered on shared values and beliefs, many cliques tend to focus on maintaining their status and popularity. For instance, a clique may try to make it seem like the people in it are "better" than those outside, or that their clique is higher status than another clique.
People in cliques sometimes use their power to hurt others on purpose, either by excluding them, being mean, or both. Sometimes they might insult people by trying to "fix" them or give them "makeovers." Other times it becomes more serious and someone outside the group is targeted or victimized for being, looking, or acting different.
Unlike regular groups of friends, where members are free to socialize with others outside the group, people in cliques often do everything together. They sit together in class, go to the mall together after school — and they only do stuff with other clique members or people they decide are "cool."
Although people might think it's better to belong to a clique than to be excluded, many times people in cliques end up dealing with lots of pressures and rules. They soon start to worry about whether they'll continue to be popular or whether they'll be dropped. After a while, they may begin to realize that true friends wouldn't be so bossy or demanding.
Cliques attract people for different reasons: For some people, being popular or cool is the most important thing, and cliques give them a place where they can get this social status. Other people want to be in cliques because they don't like to feel left out. Some people simply feel it's better to be on the inside than the outside (it's not, but more on that later).
Cliques give people who like to take control a chance to be in charge (for good or bad!). For people who feel more comfortable following, they offer a place where rules are clearly defined. It's usually clear to clique members what they need to do to fit in. Sometimes that means sacrificing some freedom and following the leader rather than doing what you feel like doing.
Clique membership is usually tightly controlled by the leaders. These social gatekeepers are the ones with the power to decide who should be hot and who should not. This type of membership control usually happens in cliques of girls.
As many great kids have found, entry into a clique isn't guaranteed. In fact, a girl who is seen as likeable and popular may actually be excluded from belonging to a clique. That's because her personality or confidence may pose a threat to the leaders. She might not be a good "follower" — especially if she can be popular enough on her own. Sometimes her friends may even be invited to join when she isn't. Clique members may deliberately exclude her in an attempt to take away her perceived power or the threat they think she could pose.
Cliques aren't just for girls. Guys form cliques, too — usually around a sport, computer game, or type of clothing or music. They can be just as mean as girls about the outcasts of the social group.
It's not all roses inside a clique either. A person's standing within the group can always be under threat. Most of the followers cling to the leader not out of true friendship but because they want to keep their position in the group.
But even the leader can lose her power. In fact, the queen bee in a strong girl clique probably worries as much — or even more — about being popular and accepted as the outsiders do. Because no one feels secure, clique members often use the tools of flattery, humiliation, or rumors to manipulate situations and preserve their status.
A few girls manage to stay friends with people both inside and outside the clique. But that can be hard to do because there's often intense pressure from the group to be friends only with people on the approved list. It takes a lot of self-confidence to dare to be friends with someone outside the clique.
Sometimes clique members decide they want out. They don't like being limited by the rules, and they don't like leaving others out and hurting people's feelings. As people get older, they may not feel like being part of a clique anymore. Usually toward the end of high school, kids are more relaxed about who is "in" and who's not. But earlier on in your school life it can take a lot of courage to leave a clique or decide to remain on the outside.
Beware of online groups and cliques using social network sites. These have become popular sites to put others down, invite only selected friends to a party, and make mean comments or posts. People can even build fake profiles. Only post profile information and photos that you want everyone to see. Keep your messages to other people online private.
Whether you're on the inside or the outside, cliques can make your life tough. But there are ways to cope:
Friendships change. Just as one clique can make life miserable, changes in social groups can take their power away. You may encounter cliques as a freshman or sophomore. But the good news is that most cliques disappear by the end of high school.
Want to know the real secret to being popular and having friends? Be a good friend yourself. People who enjoy true and lasting popularity are those who have good friendship skills. Being a friend means being respectful, fair, interested, trustworthy, honest, caring, and kind. So if you want to have friends, be just the kind of friend you'd like to have and stay true to who you are.
Reviewed by: Kathryn Hoffses, PhD
Date Reviewed: Jul 20, 2018