text:
Who would win in a fight?
No announcement yet.
Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris
new posts
Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris32Jack Bauer31.25%10Chuck Norris68.75%22Last edited by SeekandDestroy; 06-09-2006, 02:48 PM.Tags: None👍 3
versus you
- Mar 2006
- 8052
Chuck Norris will nearly kill you.
Jack Bauer will make you wish you were dead.
I vote for Bauer. All that karate sh-- can't defend a simple chop to the Adam's apple and a swift kick in the nuts.
- Apr 2006
- 11353
Chuck Norris all the way!
Every night before the boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.......capture it...remember it...
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"… not even close.
Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division".
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.
Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".
The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
Chuck Norris can taste lies.
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.
When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.
4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his ****.
Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper
Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.
If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.
The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
The 11th commandment is "Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris" This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take **** from anybody.
Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris' ***** is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.
TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
Chuck Norris' **** is so big, it has it's own ****, and that **** is still bigger than yours.
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.
The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport.
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.
Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.
For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed.
Chuck Norris' ***** has a Hemi.
Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.
Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.
Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.
Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get.
For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.
During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.
Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.
Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.
If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.
Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.
Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
"One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"
People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It's actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it's simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.
Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper.
Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.
Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.
In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck Norris was coming.
Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby.
Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris
Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.
Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete.
The wind of Chuck Norris's round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away
Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time.
There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.
Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000
The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame
Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.
When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly.including this one
You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Chuck Norris
No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish.
Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get ''
On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day.
Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth".
Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.
Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about!
Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.
Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.
Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.
The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.
The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.
The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.
When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.
When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon.
The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.
Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg," Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg.
Chuck Norris invented the question mark.
Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child.
Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg.
Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!
Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.
When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.
Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verbAsk me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.
Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
Registered User
- Jul 2005
- 461
its obviously chuck norris... by far... i salute you Chuck
so southstander, i'm assuming that you voted for chuck norris


text:
Opportunity in the Midwest
Does the age-old energy resource—wood and agricultural biomass—have an exciting future? "Absolutely," remarked Kenneth Smith, president and CEO of District Energy in St. Paul, Minn., during his keynote presentation at the first Heating the Midwest Conference and Expo, held in Eau Claire, Wis., in April.
Even a partial switch to biomass heating can result in economic growth, energy independence and environmental stewardship for the Midwest, according to biomass economist William Strauss, president of FutureMetrics. "Biomass already plays an important role in heating homes and businesses, with future potential to create new economic opportunities and energy security for the Midwest," said Strauss, noting that propane, electricity and fuel oil currently fill more than 30 percent of all Midwestern heating needs. "A switch of 20 percent away from propane and fuel oil would create over 60,000 jobs," he explained during a roundtable discussion.
More than 170 people attended the conference, which included a preconference tour aimed at building a Midwest vision for heating with renewable biomass. Chris Wiberg, conference co-chair and manager of the Biomass Energy Laboratory, was especially proud of the significant participation for a first-time conference. "The 170-plus conference attendees actively participated in building a vision for this renewable energy source, embracing its potential economic benefits for residents and businesses," he said. "Our goal was to start the momentum, and we succeeded."
Important topics were addressed that focused on understanding the potential for biomass thermal and combined-heat-and-power systems. The Midwest Biomass Inventory Assessment was released as a snapshot of the current biomass availability relative to energy consumption in seven Midwest states. "Biomass can play a role in offering affordable, renewable energy options that consumers are looking for," said Becky Philipp, Agricultural Utilization Research Institute team leader for the assessment. "This inventory can serve as a platform to begin the development of biomass-related projects."
Case study examples of home, residential, small commercial, school districts, institutional and large projects were presented by various speakers to help attendees understand modern combustion technologies, installation strategies, and the positive economic paybacks. Presenters also noted that new cost-effective and sustainable installations of biomass heating are planned at Gundersen Lutheran Hospital in La Crosse, Wis., and the Chillicothe, Ohio, Veterans Administration Medical Center.
Heating with biomass has a wide range of potential benefits for the Midwest, including new jobs and increased uses of urban wood, logging residues, and agricultural grasses. Speakers also pointed out that biomass utilization improves the potential for forest and grassland management, reduces carbon dioxide emissions over fossil fuels and connects energy use to homegrown resources.
The preconference tour emphasized the real-world applications of thermal biomass, showcasing several local schools that heat with wood chips, residues and pellets. Monti Hallberg, superintendent of the Barron, Wis., school system said they have a proven, cost-effective track record of heating with biomass at the high school since 1981, and recently extended wood heating and cooling to the middle school. Attendees also toured Indeck Energy pellet plant.
The sold-out indoor and outdoor expo hall offered a wide range of heating appliances, along with biomass processing equipment suppliers and affiliated testing, research, and business development organizations. On-site vendors were pleased with the attendance and traffic for a first-time conference, and said they are looking forward to participating in 2013.
The final morning speakers, Hans Kordik, counselor of agriculture for the Austrian Embassy in Washington, D.C., and Charlie Niebling, chairman of the Biomass Thermal Energy Council and general manager of New England Wood Pellet, provided valuable evidence that the use of biomass for thermal applications has been a tremendous success in Austria, and is growing significantly in the Northeastern U.S. Wiberg closed the conference by encouraging all attendees to become involved in Heating the Midwest by advocating for thermal biomass and participating in the Heating the Midwest Steering Committee or Action Teams.
For more information on Heating the Midwest, visit www.heatingthemidwest.org.
Author: Brian Brashaw
Director, Wood Materials and Manufacturing Program
University of Minnesota Duluth

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Not finding it when I click the linkCOOLEGO said:Got alittle UK Brinklink store up and running, adding to it on a weekly basis ...
I did this to avoid confusing people with some descriptions that have it and some that don't. One of the Ninjago boxes was damaged anyway.VorpalRyu said:@KingAlanI, nice to hear, it's great when store owners put it up that they willing to do that. Makes it easier & quicker to place an order when you don't have to make enquiry first to see if the seller is willing to unbox sets. :D :D :D
ok better.^ just curious but what do you consider big?Wife's store (www.Jenzbricks.com shamelessplug) has over 140k elements listed with many more thousands to go on this week.
sounds good.Sure @chrisalddin how about 10% off any order £20 or over.
SprinkleOtter said:^ What is wrong with someone wanting to check that a minifigure is complete. Everyone makes mistakes, as do BL sellers. I'd want to know if the $30+ Deadpool I ordered had printed red legs, not regular red legs.
graphite said:^ I've had a few people pay normally instead of through the onsite, but never early. The onsite is nice because it always has the order #. You always have the option of refunding the payment and sending them a message asking them to use the onsite button.
Not the fixed fee part though.Whenever I've sent a refund back via PayPal they have covered the fee part of it.
Cheers for that @CCC , I never noticed that before.CCC said:Not the fixed fee part though.Whenever I've sent a refund back via PayPal they have covered the fee part of it.
If I pay you £10 and you refund me, you'll be out 20p.
Some of the problems occur when they choose "onsite" but pay via paypal manually which according to an admin they added the ability to manually set it to paid even if onsite was selected but not used.CCC said:When you pay via onsite, it is automatically marked as paid. At least, it has been the last five times I paid that way.
what the hell dose 600x Dark Purple Plate, Round 1 x 1. look like in one place anyhow.All_That_Rocks said:As requested - Brick Arena - http://www.bricklink.com/store.asp?p=Brick_Arena
Please use our links: LEGO.com • Amazon
Recent discussions • Categories • Privacy Policy • Brickset.com
Brickset.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, the Amazon.com.ca, Inc. Associates Program and the Amazon EU Associates Programme, which are affiliate advertising programs designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.
As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.


text:
Popular Science
Popular Science gives our readers the information and tools to improve their technology and their world. The core belief that Popular Science and our readers share: The future is going to be better, and science and technology are the driving forces that will help make it better.
Common terms and phrases
aluminum ANFO astronauts Audi auto boat brakes build catalog Center cogenerator cooling cost coupon Cycle dealer Dept drive electrical Electronics energy engine equipment FREE fuel gine Hardware heat horsepower inches install insulation Isuzu Isuzu Trooper laboratory look lubrication Lumber MacPherson strut Madison magnetic manufacturers ment metal module motor NASA Newsfront Nissan Maxima � � paint pickup plans POPULAR SCIENCE Porsche Porsche 944 ProCraft radar Radio Shack radon Realtor rear refrigerator remodeling Rodon router Sales says scroll compressor sensors shuttle Slick 50 Smokey Smokey Yunick space station SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION speed Super Super Redhawk Taurus there's tion Toyota tractor Troy-Bilt truck truss TUFOIL turbocharged valve wheel X band Yamaha


text:
I recently got this email and thought I'd put up my response as a post.
Hey Brian.
I have been reading through your blog, and I have to say you have some very good insights on "pain" haha. I have been using that internal ration movement from your subscapularis strengthening article. It seems like just what I needed! I have been doing it the other way with the elbow down to the side as everyone kept saying to perform it that way, and as you said it just wasn't working.
There is another issue I would like to get your input on. How would you fix a lateral pelvic tilt on someone? With me specifically my left hip is hiked up more than my right, which always causes me some pain in my lower back, and is always tight. The right side of my back is fine though.
Of course there are a host of other problems that come with this, but to just to keep it simple as you probably already know the problems that come with this.
So how would you go about fixing this issue on someone Brian?
Hey Mark,
Thanks for the words. Glad my stuff as been of help to you.
Re: Correcting a lateral pelvic tilt
I'm going to rattle off some random thoughts on this.
Make sure it's not structural
This is really rare, but sometimes the person has a lateral pelvic tilt because one leg is longer than the other. It's important to assess whether the person has a true leg length discrepancy or just muscular imbalances. For more on how to assess leg length check out Properly assessing leg length differences.
If there is a true difference, some type of orthotics may be necessary.
Exercises / stretches that can give some immediate relief
Like you mentioned, some lower back pain can often accompany this, and it's typically more on one side. Often the side that is getting "scrunched" together.
To elongate things, and give some relief to the lower back, I like to do the Backward Rocking stretch and Toddler Squat.
This will often give people some immediate relief when they're extending or rotating the lower back too often. (Like in a lateral pelvic tilt.)
Stop obsessing over the gluteus medius
While this muscle is certainly important, it's not the only factor in a lateral pelvic tilt. And simply strengthening the muscle through Monster Walks, Side Lying Leg Lifts, Hip Hikes, or whatever, is not a treatment. It may be a (small) part of the treatment, but it's not THE treatment.
Never mind the fact most people's form on glute medius exercises are horrendous. Most often people are actually exacerbating their issues; not resolving them. For an extensive write-up on training the glute medius check out My visit to the Washington University in St. Louis.
Because while people seem to understand the glute medius can pull the hip down (preventing the hip hike), they forget there are also muscles that pull the hip UP.
Pay attention to the abdominals
The obliques play a big factor here, as they can hike the hip up. I'm not going to go over much anatomy here; just keep this in mind for the following.
Pay attention to side bending
Excessively leaning or side bending to one side can be a big factor in a lateral pelvic tilt. For instance, if you're always driving like this:
Or if you're always leaning on one elbow. Whatever it may be. I see these sorts of things a lot.
This is more of an issue in women than men. Look at the sleeping position of a woman with wide hips.
See the curve of the top side? And the lateral pelvic tilt accompanying?
This brings me back to the futility of solely going after the glute medius. You can do all the Jane Fonda leg lift shit you want, but if you're sleeping with that dramatic of a side bend / pelvic tilt hours upon hours every night, you aren't going to get anywhere.
For more on sleep positions, like how to correct this, check out Sleeping without pain.
Training considerations
Because there is almost assuredly a strength discrepancy going on at the abdominals, specifically the obliques, it's a good idea to train these muscles and even things out. Planks, side planks, pallof presses, are all good ideas here. Crunches, bicycle crunches, ANYTHING RESEMBLING TWISTING, are not good ideas.
Other things to look at are the ABductors and ADductors. When there is a laterally tilted pelvis, on the side that is hiked up the abductors are long / weak but adductors are tight / overactive. On the other side the abductors are tight / overused; adductors weak / need more work.
This is because when the hip is hiked up that side's leg is ADducted, while the other leg is ABducted.
The "complicated" treatment
While various exercises can help things, in the end, you need to figure out where / when you are side bending or laterally tilting your pelvis.
And then… *drum roll*…
Stop side bending or laterally tilting your pelvis during those times.
Hopefully this gives you some ideas Mark.


text:
Thursday, February 25, 2016
An eccentric mansion in England... Under outside very heritage, old stones and grand entrance, Aynhoe Park proves to be a sumptuous eccentric mansion where giraffes converse with Greek deities. Neoclassical and crazy.
Parisian duplex Pierre Bergé.... With the help of Milanese designers Roberto Peregalli and Laura Sartori Rimini, Pierre Bergé has transformed the top floor of his Paris duplex in a timeless place, inhabited artworks.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)


text:
The issue of sustainability affects the entire food service industry. Everyone, from suppliers to consumers, needs to be involved in making right choices about selection, distribution, consumption, and disposal. Take a look below and see some of the programs we run across our company to do our part. We work hard each year to spread these programs further across our company.
Corporate Sustainability Statement
Aladdin Food Management Services, LLC exists for the purpose of creating value for the company's stakeholders, increasing the standard of living and quality of life of its employees, and otherwise contributing to the economic, environmental, and social well-being of its customers, suppliers, and the communities in which the company transacts business. Aladdin places strong emphasis on the use of both renewable and recyclable raw materials and strives to offer ecologically sound products and services, capable of continuously meeting our customers' needs with respect to quality, service, economy, safety, and environmental impact. Aladdin desires to:
- Lead, educate, and serve as a sustainability resource within the education, healthcare, and business & industry market segments
- Provide eco-friendly products and services
- Integrate sustainable practices into all of our corporate business decisions and local unit operations
Responsible Procurement
The environmental impacts of our purchasing practices and how we operate our business every day are important. Aladdin seeks to purchase and use environmentally preferable products and services, and to recognize suppliers who reduce environmental impacts in their production and distribution systems or services.
Aladdin partners with our suppliers, customers, and environmental experts to understand the impacts of available products and services on the environment and communities and to identify better solutions and alternatives. At Aladdin, we try to THINK LOCAL, BUY LOCAL, and BE LOCAL. Some of the benefits of purchasing sustainably grown foods locally are as follows:
- Local food purchases mean fresher products, especially for accounts not located in Florida, California and Washington, where a large percentage of our nation's fruit and vegetables are grown. Produce grown in these three states may have to travel thousands of miles before reaching consumers in the Northeast, Mid-Atlantic, Southeast, or Midwest.
- Freshly picked local produce provides higher levels of nutrition, since nutrients diminish when fruit and vegetables are transported for days cross-country.
- Local food purchases support area producers and the economy, since money earned from foodservices' purchases is typically invested back into producers' communities.
- Local food purchases help to build mutually beneficial relationships with area food producers and provide opportunities for learning experiences about agriculture, including ways soil quality and weather impact production, and how food items are grown – with or without chemicals and pesticides.
- Purchasing locally-raised foods helps reduce atmospheric emissions, since fewer fossil fuels are expended to transport them.
Energy and Water Conservation
While the United States' population nearly doubled between 1950 and 2000, during that
same period public demand for water more than tripled. Now, this increasing demand
for water is putting stress on available clean sources and distribution systems, threatening both human health and the environment. A recent government survey showed that at least 36 states are anticipating local, regional or statewide water shortages by 2013. When Aladdin dining services use more water-efficient equipment, technologies and procedures, the impact on remaining clean water supplies is minimized. In addition, Aladdin facilities that use water efficiently not only reduce sewage and water costs, but also lower energy costs.
Aladdin advocates and employs water management efforts to reduce consumption, to preserve scarce resources, and to reduce our contribution to greenhouse gas emissions and water shortages. We advocate for renewable water recapture to reduce our overall environmental footprint. Toward that end, Aladdin promotes dry cleaning techniques, the use of low-flow aerators and faucets in its kitchens, and more efficient ware washing via its trayless initiatives.
Historically, foodservice operators have focused on controlling labor and food costs and applied little emphasis or capability on analyzing the energy costs incurred by facility operations. Nonetheless, commercial kitchens in Aladdin dining facilities typically will consume approximately 550,000 BTU per square foot, which is four to eight times more energy used than in other common building types. Therefore, Aladdin units have the greatest opportunity to implement effective energy conservation practices. Aladdin dining services are now able to conserve substantial amounts of energy by implementing more energy-efficient operating procedures (e.g. ovens shut-down when not in use), by monitoring routine maintenance of kitchen equipment, by conducting facility energy audits (refrigeration, ventilation, etc.), and by recommending replacement for less energy-efficient equipment.
rBGH in Dairy
The issue of artificial bovine growth hormones (rBGH) is both complex and controversial. At the end of the day, our first concern at Aladdin is the potential effect on the health of our guests. Until further studies are conclusive, we choose to take a conservative position and offer only liquid milk from cows not treated with rBGH. Recombinant bovine growth hormone is a genetically engineered hormone that is injected into dairy cows to artificially increase their milk production. It has been shown to increase disease rates in cows and a significant body of scientific data has linked it to possible increases in cancer and antibiotic resistance in humans.
The injection of rBGH in cows elevates a powerful growth hormone called IGF-1. This hormone has been identified in numerous studies to increase breast, prostate, colon, lung and other cancers in humans. Scientific studies suggest that IGF-1 survives pasteurization as well as digestion and enters the bloodstream in sufficient quantities to potentially trigger increased cancer rates.
Artificial bovine growth hormone has been banned in most other industrialized nations of the world. Aladdin will continue to only source milk from cows not treated with rBGH.
NOTE: The F.D.A. has said no significant difference has been shown and no test can now distinguish between milk from rBGH treated and untreated cows. Not all of the suppliers of our other dairy products can promise that the milk they use comes from untreated cows.
Trans Fat-Free Shortening
Aladdin uses only non-hydrogenated canola shortening so as to minimize the presence of trans-fatty acids in deep-fried foods. Additionally, heart-healthy olive oil and canola oil are used in many of our salad dressings. Aladdin was one of the first food service management companies to use canola shortening company-wide.
Cage-Free Shell Eggs
The Humane Society of the United States (HSUS) has recognized Aladdin for taking significant steps in moving toward using only cage-free eggs in its kitchens and its supply chains. Many Aladdin accounts now exclusively use only shell eggs that are cage-free.
Cage-Free Eggs are Better for Hens and for Consumers:
Battery cages restrict many natural behaviors that are critical to birds' welfare, including the ability to nest, perch and forage. In battery cages, hens aren't even able to fully extend their limbs.
The prestigious Pew Commission on Industrial Farm Animal Production concluded that battery cages should be eliminated. The Commission was funded by the Pew Charitable Trusts and Johns Hopkins School of Public Health and included the former U.S. Secretary of Agriculture.
The LayWel study – which is the most extensive scientific study into laying hen welfare – concluded that battery cages are the only method of housing hens that, under no circumstances, can provide "satisfactory welfare" for animals. The LayWel study involved working groups in seven European countries, funding from the European Commission and data from 230 flocks of hens.
The Netherlands Journal of Agricultural Science published a study that ranked 22 different methods of housing hens in terms of animal welfare on a zero-to-ten scale. Battery cages ranked 0.0 (literally as low as possible). Typical U.S. cage-free egg production systems ranked significantly higher, around 5.9.
A 2002 prospective case-control study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology reported that people who recently ate eggs from caged hens had about 200% higher odds of being sickened by Salmonella compared to people who did not eat eggs from hens kept in cages. The European Food Safety Authority found that "Without exception…there was significantly higher risk of Salmonella infection in hens confined in cages."
Consumer organizations such as The Consumer Federation of America, Center for Food Safety and Center for Science in the Public Interest have all supported a ban on battery cages and a move to cage-free egg production.
Visit this website for more information. visit: www.humanesociety.org/issues/confinement_farm/
Antibiotic Reduction
It is estimated that between 9 and 13 million kilograms of antibiotics are used annually in the United States for raising livestock, with the majority being used for growth advancement and disease prevention purposes. Large amounts of antibiotics fed to livestock end up as fertilizer, which is commonly applied to agricultural land to provide crop nutrients. Therefore, food crops grown on these altered soils are exposed to antibiotics.
Scientists at the University of Minnesota have been evaluating the impact of antibiotic feeding in livestock production on the environment. One particular study, funded by the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA), found that food crops do accumulate antibiotics from soils spread with fertilizer that contains antibiotics. The ability of plants to absorb antibiotics raises the potential for contamination of human food supply.
However, the adverse impacts of consuming plants that contain small quantities of antibiotics are largely unknown. Consumption of antibiotics in plants may cause allergic reactions in sensitive populations, such as young children. There is also concern that consuming antibiotics may lead to the development of antimicrobial resistance, which can render antibiotics ineffective.
Further research is needed to investigate the presence of antibiotics in edible parts of plants, especially vegetables that are consumed raw, and how different plants absorb different antibiotic compounds. Research is ongoing at the University of Minnesota to further investigate the potential fate and transport of antibiotics introduced to the environment from livestock operations.
As a socially responsible company, Aladdin is committed to helping address this potential public health threat from antibiotic resistance.
Seafood Watch
All Aladdin seafood is purchased in accordance with the Monterey Bay Aquarium's Seafood Watch guidelines for sustainability: https://www.montereybayaquarium.org/cr/seafoodwatch.aspx
What is Seafood Watch? The Monterey Bay Aquarium Seafood Watch program helps consumers and businesses make choices for healthy oceans. Their recommendations indicate which seafood items are Best Choices, Good Alternatives, and which ones you should Avoid.
Seafood Watch recommendations are science-based, peer reviewed, and use ecosystem-based criteria. Seafood Watch helps sustain wild, diverse and healthy ocean ecosystems that will exist long into the future by encouraging consumers and businesses to purchase seafood that is fished or farmed in ways that don't harm the environment.
Why Do Seafood Choices Matter? Nearly 85% of the world's fisheries are fished to capacity, or over-fished. Our seafood choices have the power to make this situation worse, or improve it. Seafood Watch recommendations don't hinge on any single issue. Instead, they consider the fishery, habitat, species, management, and a host of other factors that affect each species. In this way, Seafood Watch offers a complete vision of sustainability.
Mercury Awareness
Fish and shellfish are an important part of a healthy diet. Fish and shellfish contain high-quality protein and other essential nutrients, are low in saturated fat, and contain omega-3 fatty acids. A well-balanced diet that includes a variety of fish and shellfish can contribute to heart health and children's proper growth and development. So, women and young children in particular should include fish or shellfish in their diets due to the many nutritional benefits.
However, nearly all fish and shellfish contain traces of mercury. For most people, the risk from mercury by eating fish and shellfish is not a health concern. Yet, some fish and shellfish contain higher levels of mercury that may harm an unborn baby or young child's developing nervous system. The risks from mercury in fish and shellfish depend on the amount of fish and shellfish eaten and the levels of mercury in the fish and shellfish. Therefore, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) are advising women who may become pregnant, pregnant women, nursing mothers, and young children to avoid some types of fish and eat fish and shellfish that are lower in mercury.
By following these three recommendations for selecting and eating fish or shellfish, women and young children will receive the benefits of eating fish and shellfish and be confident that they have reduced their exposure to the harmful effects of mercury:
- Do not eat Shark, Swordfish, King Mackerel, or Tilefish because they contain high levels of mercury.
- Eat up to 12 ounces (2 average meals) a week of a variety of fish and shellfish that are lower in mercury.— Five of the most commonly eaten fish that are low in mercury are shrimp, canned light tuna, salmon, pollock, and catfish.— Another commonly eaten fish, albacore ("white") tuna has more mercury than canned light tuna. So, when choosing your two meals of fish and shellfish, you may eat up to 6ounces (one average meal) of albacore tuna per week.
- Check local advisories about the safety of fish caught by family and friends in your local lakes, rivers, and coastal areas. If no advice is available, eat up to 6 ounces (one average meal) per week of fish you catch from local waters, but don't consume any other fish during that week.
Follow these same recommendations when feeding fish and shellfish to your young child, but serve smaller portions.
Food Waste Reduction
Aladdin is launching a company-wide Food Waste Reduction campaign in all of its operations. Food waste packs a double global warming whammy since it represents both the waste of the embodied energy it took to grow, harvest, transport and cook the food and significant methane emissions when the food decomposes in landfills. According to the U.S. EPA, landfills are the largest human-related source of methane in the U.S., accounting for 34 percent of all methane emissions.
In recent years, Aladdin has reduced food waste generated in its cafeterias substantially by:
- Educating chefs and kitchen staff on proper portioning and prepping techniques
- Introducing a daily waste monitoring program in all kitchens
- Initiating a consumer waste-reduction educational campaign including weighing and measuring food at dish return stations and encouraging trayless dining, where appropriate. As a result of these efforts, Aladdin achieved a substantial tonnage reduction in CO2 equivalent emissions.
Even before this Food Waste Reduction campaign, many of our accounts had been implementing innovative ways to reduce food waste. Many Aladdin accounts divert their kitchen waste through a variety of different avenues including on-site and off-site composting, direct relationships with farmers who use the waste for pig and chicken feed, biofuel processors, and food banks.
Currently, it is estimated that more than 40% of our accounts' food waste (by weight) is diverted from landfills.
Foragers Program
Aladdin chefs have always regarded it a part of their jobs to seek out the best, most flavorful, and local ingredients. A group of 6 foragers – drawn from Aladdin chefs and managers – are located in each of the different districts of the country that Aladdin serves. They are tasked with discovering the best small-scale farmers and food producers in their regions and working to bring their wares into every account served by Aladdin.
By dedicating staff time to discovering new food producers, we hope to offer more small producers access to larger markets for their products – bridging the gap between small farms and the food service industry. The foragers' work inspires other Aladdin chefs to think creatively so as to give our customers the opportunity to experience the very best foods in their regions, while supporting local economies.
Healthy Cooking initiative
Healthy menu items are a mainstream offering throughout Aladdin facilities. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, more than one-third of U.S. adults (35.7%) are obese and nearly 65 percent of adults in the United States are considered overweight or obese. In 2008, medical costs associated with obesity were estimated at $147 billion; the medical costs for people who are obese were $1,429 higher than those of normal weight. Growing portion sizes and empty calories are major contributors to expanding waistlines and health complications including heart disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure. As a socially-responsible food service company, we knew that we had to help our guests make a change.
In addition to our existing policies of using healthy cooking techniques, wholesome products, and trans-fat free shortening; Aladdin has implemented new guidelines designed to ensure healthy offerings are available throughout our accounts. Aladdin's Healthy Cooking Initiative emphasizes the use of fresh vegetables, fruits and whole grains as featured ingredients, utilizes stealth nutrition to camouflage healthy choices in everyday food preparation, and encourages guests to choose healthy dishes through ease of access and appealing presentation. Portion sizes are based on the 2010 USDA Dietary Guidelines for Americans, and high fructose corn syrup and trans fats are prohibited from use in Aladdin made-from-scratch foods.
Because all of our chefs endeavor to cook-from-scratch, we can control every single ingredient of our menu. Ultimately, our goal is to offer our guests great-tasting, healthful food options.
Campus Garden
Many Aladdin school and college accounts are creating campus gardens to increase awareness and to reap the benefits of fresh local produce. Freshly picked produce is typically more nutritious than herbs, fruit or vegetables that have traveled hundreds of miles to dining facilities. The amount of fuel required to deliver the freshly grown products is typically less than that used by local suppliers and emits fewer greenhouse gases since the products did not have to travel from another part of the United
To support and sponsor these campus gardens, Aladdin:
- Helps select the types of produce that can be raised during the local growing season and determines which products will be used in its campus dining operations
- Recommends the best hoop house or cold frame configuration to be used in a particular climate
- Works with faculty to develop age-appropriate curriculum around the campus garden
- Helps fund the program and, in turn, receives produce at no cost or at fair market value
- Works closely with the campus gardening staff to determine when garden-grown items will be available, estimates quantities produced, and determines how produce will be harvested and delivered
- Ensures that growing methods, as well as handling practices, comply with local health and food safety standards, including use of chemicals to deal with pests and insects
Farm to Table (F2T)
Aladdin's Farm to Table (F2T) program is about investing in the health of our communities and the future of our food supply. In search of the freshest, best tasting ingredients; Aladdin chefs have always purchased produce and baked goods locally. However, we didn't think of local purchasing as a "political act," but merely as the way to get the highest quality products. We came to realize how much flavor was being lost in exchange for agribusiness efficiencies and decided to begin a concerted effort in support of local farmers to preserve flavor on the plate.
F2T is now a company-wide initiative to buy locally.
Our first choice is to purchase seasonal and regional ingredients from a 150-mile radius of each account. These gems of the earth are often prepared and served within 48 hours of harvest. The result is healthier communities and customers.
By buying directly from farmers, we have much more control over what types of agribusiness we are supporting. We support true family farms where the owners live on or nearby the land, work it themselves and therefore are conscientious stewards. We also support farmers who are preserving the diversity of our food choices by planting heirloom vegetables rather than genetically-modified super-produce.
F2T also has an effect on the flavor and nutritional value of the food we serve. A tomato grown without pesticides and ripened on the vine tastes unbelievably better than one sprayed with chemicals, picked while still green, trucked thousands of miles and force-ripened in a warehouse. It is especially important to Aladdin chefs to start with food that is alive with flavor.
Buying 100% locally is not yet practical but the commitment we have made to F2T will help ensure that our customers can eat well today and tomorrow.
Responsible Disposables
Aladdin is innovating to reduce, reuse, and recycle. Just like our food choices, our selection of to-go containers and disposable service ware has environmental impacts. At Aladdin, our first choice is always to encourage the use china and silverware. When to-go containers are necessary, we try hard to reduce the effects of their production and disposal.
Some of our accounts use plates, clamshells, cups, bowls and flatware from renewable sources like corn, sugarcane, and potato starch in select locations. We are conscious that questions remain about the energy inputs required to manufacture and transport these products and the resulting impacts on climate change from both manufacturing and disposal. We continue to research options and await more public, peer-reviewed studies.
We are also actively seeking alternatives to disposable containers. What happens after the products are used is crucial as well. We recycle whenever possible and compost at many account locations.
Celebrating Local Food and Farms
To support local communities and farmers, Aladdin dining services are strongly encouraged to write seasonal menus. This does not mean just serving local apples when they are available in the fall, but actually writing speci?c menus by season — spring, summer, fall and winter — and incorporating local foods into all of them. This can be challenging, especially for accounts located in regions with short growing seasons or in areas where local seafood and meats are not available.
So, in order to foster menu development at these accounts, Corporate Executive Chef Dennis Vodzak has issued an Eat Local challenge to all Aladdin chefs: hold an event with a meal made completely from local ingredients. Everything used in the preparation of the food must come from within a 150-mile radius of the account. Our chefs must be able to create amazing, diverse meals using ingredients from their food sheds in a competition to become the Eat Local Masters champion.
The event will illustrate to our guests both the great taste of local foods and the precarious state of our food supply. Materials will be available outlining the loss of biodiversity in the US with local examples. Solutions are presented as well, including information on what guests can do to support local agriculture and stop the loss of our local food supply. Aladdin's Farm To Table (F2T) program is highlighted, along with suggestions to shop at farmers markets, support local businesses, etc.
Waste Stream Management
Aladdin views the responsible management of waste as a requirement to sustain and restore our natural resources as well as the communities in which we serve. We are committed to minimizing our environmental footprint by fostering a culture that reduces, reuses, and recycles waste.
To support a closed-loop waste management process, our innovative practices include partnering with suppliers who share our vision, working to reduce source packaging, enabling recovery and reuse of discarded materials, and recycling waste to create raw materials for other purposes. Aladdin is always seeking new and innovative ways to minimize its environmental footprint and to achieving a goal of zero waste to landfill.
Few Aladdin accounts can function without hosting the activities of a wide variety of motor vehicles. Determining which vehicles are most appropriate for each account's missions, sustainability goals and green standards can be challenging, given the plethora of available vehicle types and alternative fuels now on the market. When considering nontraditional vs. traditional transportation options, it is important for Aladdin managers to evaluate environmental implications, economic costs, and benefits. At this writing, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to reduce fossil fuel consumption and air pollution and to increase vehicle recycling. This means that individual Aladdin accounts must assemble a portfolio of different vehicles and fuels to reach Aladdin and client sustainability aspirations.
Aladdin dining services managers conduct relevant vehicle research on their own before dismissing alternative fuels or vehicles as an option. A successful sustainable transportation program will involve client administrators, employees, and key maintenance staff who advocate for and support the undertaking. When developing a sustainable transportation program one of the first steps for dining services is to conduct a fleet audit of existing vehicles.
This audit is intended to establish lifecycle costs, fuel economy, environmental implications, and initial costs. In some instances, an audit may indicate that it is easier and more cost effective for dining services to implement an efficiency program—based on existing vehicles and fuels—that includes proper maintenance, shorter driving schedules, full load dispatching and a reduction in vehicle miles traveled. In these instances, a reduction in greenhouse gas emissions can sometimes be generated by slight modifications in daily fleet use.
To reduce emission levels to a minimum, Aladdin is now considering:
- Requiring its key vendors to deliver goods only in alternative fuel vehicles, ensuring loading schedules of delivery trucks that are as efficient as possible
- Giving incentives to employees to travel to and from work by bicycle or public transportation.
100% Organic
One of the most challenging aspects of the organic movement has been how to adapt green principles to a large scale dining service. Aladdin was the first food management company to meet the challenge by implementing both organic and sustainable practices in a single setting.
Aladdin manages the first all-vegetarian and 100% organic college and school dining programs in the United States at Maharishi University of Management and the Maharishi School in Fairfield, IA.