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Wednesday, July 22, 2015
A Private Kingdom
The Ridgelys, like many distinguished clans, had a penchant for using the same Christian names over and over, from one generation to the next, in the instant case Charles and John. This makes it practically impossible to keep them all straight. It was a Col. Charles Ridgely who bought the core of the property in 1745, and a Capt. Charles (his son) who built the house and died there pretty much the moment it was done. Then another Charles (the Maryland governor) took over, and it was during his watch that the estate, originally measuring a comparatively modest 1500 acres, reached its swollen apogee of 25,000. The original holding had been in the family for almost forty years before work on the mansion began. Hampton, swan song of a talented local builder named Jehu Howell, is a typical 18th century 5-part Palladian country house, surprisingly grand considering the remote location. It consists of a pair of outrigger wings connected to a central block by means of low-rise hyphens. Its principal feature, besides size, is the enormous lantern perched atop the central block, a theatrical touch that makes an already big house seem even bigger.
Except for a flight of marble steps leading up to the front door, the south or garden facade of Hampton is almost identical to the entry facade on the north. The south side overlooks a terraced lawn, below which is a series of descending terraces laid out as parterres. The condition of these has waxed and waned over the centuries - from showplace geometrical patterns of clipped box filled with extravagant annuals to plain grass lawns - depending on the interest of Hampton's occupants and the state of their finances. The parterres reached an elaborate peak during the ownership of John Carnan Ridgely (1790-1867), son of the governor, who in 1829 inherited Hampton on only (if you will forgive the expression) 4500 of its 25,000 acres. The 39-year-old Ridgely's wife Eliza (1803-1867) had a taste for expensive furniture, expensive art and expensive plants. She brought to the marriage sufficient dollars of her own, however, not only to pay for these luxuries, but to offset the financial impact on the estate caused by the abolition of slavery. Not for the first time, Hampton's parterres are today under restoration once again. Beside greenhouses, celebrated parterres and an orangerie, John and Eliza Ridgely piped the house for gas and added bathrooms and a heating plant - of sorts.
Rebecca Dorsey, wife of Hampton's builder, Capt. Charles, was a distant relation of the Howards of Castle Howard in Yorkshire, England, which fact is said to explain the lantern on Hampton's roof. A quick comparison of the images below shows why. The same comparison holds a note of caution, as well, for those of us convinced that nothing has ever been bigger or better than what we have in America. The Ridgelys lost Hampton almost seventy years ago, when it was on 60-odd acres. The Howards still own Castle Howard on 8800 acres - and they even still live there. Whereas 25,000 acres is certainly nothing to sniff at, it hardly compares to the holdings of Polish Princess Elzbieta Lubomirska (1736-1816), contemporary of the grandest of the Ridgelys and a friend (interestingly) of Benjamin Franklin. Lubomirska owned 150,000 serfs, 19 castles and several medium sized cities.
Here's Hampton's builder, Capt. Ridgely, painted in 1765 by John Hasselius. Unfair as it may be to judge a prior era by the standards of today, it is an unavoidable fact that Capt. Ridgely's prosperity depended as much on slavery and conscripted labor (including British revolutionary war prisoners) as it did on shrewdness and ambition - and that's not counting a whopping inheritance and his insider's ability to pay beans for confiscated Tory-owned property. During the revolution, war materiel produced in Hampton's labor-intensive iron foundries, cold and silent by the time of John and Eliza, made the Capt. even richer.
His wife Rebecca, painted in the same year as her husband, and by the same artist, has a disquieting look of feline entitlement. They may have been wonderful people, but if so, they should have sued that painter.
The Capt. and his lady, for all that power and money, never managed to have children, and so, upon his death in 1790, he left the whole shebang to his nephew, Charles Ridgely Carnan. Young Carnan had been in business with his uncle for many years. He was not only qualified to administer the family money mill, but quite willing to agree to his uncle's requirement that, in order to continue the family name, he change his name to Charles Carnan Ridgely. This sort of thing is so typical in society annals that it hardly merits note. Governor Ridgely, as the new lord of Hampton would ultimately become in 1815, not only brought the estate to its peak, he simultaneously sewed the seeds of its destruction. Upon his death in 1829, his will freed Hampton's hundreds of slaves, which of course, he didn't need any more. The estate itself was then parceled out to eleven separate heirs, not that this mattered much to son John and his rich wife Eliza. They promptly went out and bought sixty new slaves to keep things going. When these bolted after the Civil War, they simply hired replacements and paid them with Mrs. Ridgely's money.
My hostess today is Hampton Curator Gregory (it's a family name) Weidman, who endured my insistent requests to look behind every closed door with patience and tact. Hampton's first floor plan, setting aside scale and decoration, is not much different from countless center hall colonials built before and since. The vintage views of the main hall - the first looking south, the second looking north - were taken in 1900 and illustrate a type of material accumulation - of paintings, furniture, objets d'art, etc. - that comes with being rich for a century and a half.
I confess I rather like the old fashioned accumulation look - nifty chairs in front of nifty chairs, pictures so numerous the walls behind them are invisible, an entire Bengali district's worth of animal skins on the floor (I know, I know, very politically incorrect). Hampton's rooms today lack that appealing former cocktail of priceless objets and cracked ceilings. They are no longer consistently of any one period either, instead being impeccably decorated in a mélange of styles, an homage to different owners from different eras. Today's view south down the main hall is more correct to the early 1800s, and considerably more chaste than that which greeted guests in 1900. P.S. That's the Ridgely crest with the stag on top.
I loathe the term "networking," probably because I'm not very good at it. Yet networking was what saved Hampton from the steamroller of advancing suburban Baltimore. The painting below is a copy of Thomas Sully's "Lady with a Harp," an 1818 idealization of the future Eliza Ridgely, painted when she was a lass of 15. The original hung in the main hall at Hampton, more or less anonymously, for over a century. Then in 1945, a renewed interest in Sully brought National Gallery Director David Finley to Hampton to see if he could buy it, which he did. While there, he saw the threat to Hampton from suburban sprawl and financial pressure. In the wake of a cordial experience with John Ridgely Jr. (who, incidentally, threw in the portrait of Eliza's husband for free), Finley talked Hampton up amongst his influential friends. The eventual result was purchase of the estate in 1948 by the Avalon Foundation, founded in 1940 by the children of Andrew W. Mellon. Avalon promptly donated the property to the National Park Service, at which point John and Jane Ridgely ceremoniously descended the steps of Hampton, trailed by a white coated servant with arms full of luggage, and moved across the street.
Hampton's four principal public rooms all open onto the main hall. Let's have a look at the Drawing Room first, the entrance to which is just left of the front door in the image below. The theme here is 1890s Rococo Revival, its execution the result of painstaking scholarship based on old photos, upholstery fragments, teensy swatches of vanished curtains, etc., etc. It's quite a contrast to the severity of the main hall.
The décor of the Music Room (door on the right, south end of the hall) speaks to a slightly earlier period. I quote from the Hampton National Historic Site Guidebook: "In Hampton's Music Room (1870-1890)...a photograph from the 1880s showed one of the windows in summertime, with just lace curtains and a painted window shade in use. Hampton's curators were able to match the distinctive motifs seen in the photograph with a surviving shade that was one of a set of three featuring allegories of Music, Theater, and Gardening. Hand-painted reproductions were commissioned which meticulously recreate even the style of the brushstrokes." Wow.
Greg is standing in the door between the Music Room and the former plantation office, the latter located in the west hyphen. Beyond the office was one of three bathrooms which once served the entire building. Two of these were located in the west wing. This one, on the ground floor, is now just a big room, with one of those yawning colonial looking fireplaces. According to the plan, however, the space was originally divided into several "bathing" rooms, to which hot water was delivered by servants. Toilets? Fuhgeddaboudit.
Let's retrace our steps across the office and Music Room, out into the main hall, and down to what Hampton labels the Parlour, but what I'd call a reception room. From there we'll loop back out into the hall and check out the dining room, notable, among other things, for a very handsome scenic wallpaper called "Monuments of Paris." Was this same pattern on the walls in Governor Ridgely's day? Who knows? What has been determined, however, (and don't ask me how) is that in 1829 the same pattern was available in shops near the governor's Baltimore townhouse.
A leg of the main hall, entered originally through open arch into which a door was inserted many years ago, leads to the main - and for a long time the only - staircase up. What is it about redundant furniture, ratty oriental runners, flaking ceilings, and gloomy color choices (particularly on trim) that never fails to charm me? It's lucky, I suppose, that I'm not in charge of "interpreting" historic sites.
A corridor behind the stair leads into the east wing, passing the former serving pantry (connected to the dining room and too chockablock with stuff to photograph) en route to the kitchen. The latter basks in the sort of hygienically restored splendor that would leave a Hampton cook stunned. I love the call bells on the corridor wall. (Think: 'Downton Abbey').
Before the reign of Eliza and John, the main stair was the only stair to floors 2 and 3. J & E inserted a narrow service stair - the ascent of which is rather like a game of twister - connecting the serving pantry to a landing between the nursery and the housekeeper's room. We'll glimpse it in a moment.
Hampton's interiors, I am informed, were finished on the upper floors first, and the crew was still on the second floor when designer/builder Jehu Howell died in 1787. This accounts for the particular elegance of the second floor hall when compared to the rooms below. I'm not entirely sure this is true, but it's a good story. Most of the bedrooms on 2 have been splendidly restored and furnished.
The other bedrooms are either display spaces (the fragment of wall illustrates a decoration scheme of the past; the photo shows John Jr's son, not surprisingly also named John, and his wife Lillian in wartime uniforms) or un-renovated storage depots. The tree in the middle of the view is a specimen Cedar of Lebanon, planted a century and half ago by Eliza Ridgely.
Let's take a quick peek down the nursery corridor to the head of the back stair. Until 1902, the only bathrooms - sorry, "bathing rooms" - in the entire house were the two in the west wing, and the only way you could get there from family bedrooms on 2 was to haul yourself downstairs, cross the main hall, navigate the music room and the plantation office, and hope to arrive simultaneously with the hot water. In 1902, a single modern bathroom - with commode, sink and tub - was belatedly installed in space cut out of the former nursery. It's gone now, worse luck. If you didn't want to use a chamber pot, this was your only choice in the whole house.
Unlike Tara, Hampton escaped the Civil War unscathed, a matter of considerable luck considering the Southern sympathies of its slave-holding owners. After Lincoln's election, Eliza's son, another Charles, formed the Baltimore County Horse Guards, which proved an opportunity to fit himself out in a snappy uniform and trumpet the still familiar call for "states' rights." After an adventurous evening burning railroad bridges, the Yankees captured one of his militia colleagues, a fellow named John Merryman, and charged him with treason. Merryman did eventually escape execution, but not before the same threat led young Charles Ridgely's parents to promise the Yankee occupation authorities that their son would henceforth remain close to Hampton and cause no further mischief. On that note, let's head upstairs for a brief look at the third floor (a warren of rooms crammed with storage) and finally to the most exciting part of Hampton, the lantern on top.
What goes up...
By the late 1920s, Hampton's last Ridgely and his father, both named John, were losing the fight to maintain the place on its remaining thousand acres. In 1929 they formed the Hampton Development Corporation, whose grandiose sounding brochure, seen below, heralded the pleasant but largely unexceptional suburban tracts that surround the house today. Land sales, despite a sag in the '30s, kept the proverbial wolf from the door, but only temporarily. We must thank Eliza Ridgely for Hampton's existence today, for without her portrait, its salvation might never have happened. Both mansion and Home Farm across the road are part of the National Historic Site; google Hampton National Historic Site for the link.
223 comments:
- AnonymousJuly 23, 2015 at 8:16 AM
Agree much prefer the old B&W photos of collected family treasures than absolute period accuracy. Glad to see a renewed interest in restoring the formal gardens to complete the picture both inside and out. Splendid property and an amazing survivor considering the sprawl that has overtaken much of the area.ReplyDelete
Great post! I love when I see things on this blog that are near and dear to my heart. I went to school just down the road at Towson University, and we learned about it in art history classes. The Ridgely family could ride for two days in their carriage and still not be off their property. Imagine having that much land!ReplyDelete
I've read the architecture of this house described as being more akin to a courthouse or public building than a home, but the Ridgely's certainly had a grand vision of their home (and of themselves, no doubt).ReplyDelete
I love the vintage photographs and it's nice to see that the Victorian furniture was not discarded in an attempt to make the whole house look more "Early American".
Incidentally, the history of wallpaper in America is surprisingly well documented. There's an excellent book on the subject "Wallpaper in America from the Seventeenth Century to World War I" by Catherine Lynn. Even if you don't have a inch of the stuff in your own house this book is fascinating.Replies
This is a tardy comment, particularly with Mr. Foreman's death. He was a remarkable man, always happy to share his expansive knowledge and wonderful photographs..
Back to the house.
I arranged a visit for my historic preservation class, so we saw the entire house. Particularly interesting was the cupola. The house was designed with the cupola, but it was not added until many years later. It was an addition the mansion's roof structure did not willingly support, and after nearly two centuries, it began to sink into the roof. Steelwork was eventually threaded through the attics to support the cupola. The cupola stopped sinking, but the timber-framed house, which moves with the weather, has sagged onto the immovable steel beam.
The house's interiors actually were 'early Americanized' soon after it passed into public ownership. When I first saw it, the 'Victorian era' had been banished, and furnishings from that era sold or dispersed. It was presented as it might have looked about 1830, perhaps in line with the lovely wallpaper.
It felt sterile and lifeless, cold and formidable, like a poor copy of Williamsburg. Not a family home. As Captain Ridgely and his wife had no children, perhaps that was what the house was really like.
Our guide promised that there was a change coming. A more accurate picture of the house later in the 19th century was in the works. The change shown in these photographs is remarkable. The furniture and fittings sold early in the Park Service's management will be difficult to replace, but I agree with Mr. Foreman, this new' Hampton is far more interesting than the 'colonialized' one.
- AnonymousJuly 24, 2015 at 11:28 AM
One thing to note, while the various Dorseys and Ridgelys did quite a fair bit, it was through the Ridgelys that descent from the illustrious Howards of Norfolk fame was traced, Charles Ridgely "The Merchant" who acquired the Hampton property from the Darnall family in 1745 was married to Rachel Howard, herself a cousin to Revolutionary War hero Colonel John Eager Howard, who's granddaughter Margaretta Sophia Howard (raised nearby at the still-extant but much-altered Cowpens Farm) would marry her first cousin Charles Ridgely, grandson of Governor Charles Carnan Ridgely and Priscilla Dorsey. It was Achsah, daughter of Charles Ridgely and Rachel Howard, who married John Carnan and who's son changed his surname to carry on the family line.ReplyDelete
I strongly suggest you pay a visit to another similarly grand and ancient ancestral country seat that's nearby, the Dorsey family's Belmont in the Lawyer's Hill section of Elkridge, Howard County (carved out of Anne Arundel County in 1851 and named for John Eager Howard). It was the childhood home of Priscilla Dorsey Ridgely, and like Hampton remained in the hands of its builder's descendants well into the 20th century before ending its life as a private residence and being added to the National Register of Historic places.
And in reference to the "pleasant but largely unexceptional suburban tracts that surround the house today" it should be noted that there were too distinct waves of building under the Hampton Development corporation. The post-war split levels and ranchers along Hampton Lane (which for years was also the address of John Ridgely III, the son of the last owner are uninspired but the earliest homes built along either side of nearby Seminary Avenue east of Dulaney Valley Road are eclectic, commodious and well-made.
The area known as the Dulaney Valley has plenty of grand country estates that are still standing. They include Landfall on Dulaney Valley Road, until recently the home of Nancy Fisher Reeder and originally built in the 1920s by Julian White Ridgely, brother of John Ridgely Jr., Fallowfields on Pot Spring Road built in the same period by David Stewart Ridgely, another brother. Windy Knoll, built in 1908 on Hampton Lane By John Ridgely Jr as his residence before he inherited the big house at Hampton from his father. There's Meadowcroft, originally standing on Dulaney Valley road but now at the center of an eponymous subdivision, built by Charles Turner Williams in the 1920s, Mrs. Williams (Virginia Pegram McIntosh) being the scion of another locally prominent family, the Riemans of Dumbarton Farm (which was developed by Keelty after WWII into the Rodgers Forge neighborhood, though the big house still stands). Springdale on Dulaney Valley Road, built by lawyer Carlyle Barton (his wife being another member of the Rieman family) and a Carmelite Monastery since the '60s. Briarwood, originally on Dulaney Valley Road but now on Valley Court, built in the 1930s by Lloyd Bankson Whitman, Mrs. Whitman (Alice Whitridge Garrett Ridgely) being the daughter of Otho Eichelberger Ridgely, uncle of John Ridgely Jr. A bit further up on Pot Spring Road you'll find the very old and grand Pot Spring House, the McMechen-Talbott-Warfield-Stettinus residence. Its companion across the street, Salona Farm, the old Robert Miller Dension estate where the Duke and Duchess of Windsor visited durings its ownership by her uncle Henry Mactier Warfield, sadly has not survived. Among the most ornate is Long Crandon on Dulaney Valley Road, built in 1920 by William Wallace Lanahan, now being run as a nursing home by the Catholic order the Sisters of Mercy. Across the Loch Raven Reservoir are the castle-like piles Bryn Awel and Wynddon, built in the 1920s for Tilghman Goldsborough Pitts and William Gideon Baker, respectively. Immediately across Jarrettsville from them is the 18-century house The Eagle's Nest, also on the National Register with its interiors intact and part of the original land grant held by Walter Dulany.
My dear mom always encouraged me to look into closets, behind closed doors, Off Limits and whatever interested me when we visited famous homes back in the day.ReplyDelete
When I was a teenager, an elderly security guard at the Henry Huntington ''Museum'' estate in San Marino, CA threatened me with expulsion from the grounds. Keep at it John, I admire your adroit audacity and polite perseverance!
- AnonymousJuly 30, 2015 at 1:26 PM
ooh you got to go upstairs-! when i was there, the guide (who was very nice but NEVER stopped talking) wouldn't let us go up or see the back stairs. thanks for the peek!ReplyDelete
the guide said the property was down to 61 acres; i think the brochure said 39, but nevertheless, a nice place to walk around (with outbuildings and cemetery to look at) before and after seeing the big house.
That is an extremely smart written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and return to learn extra of your useful information. Thank you for the post. I will certainly return.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousAugust 3, 2015 at 12:29 PM
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Great post as always! Really enjoy following along as you visit these amazing homes, you poke around and try to see past the pretty! But allow me to say this- when will this obsession with "restoring" houses back to the day they were built end? They are reduced to empty, hollow shells with no vestige of life remaining. Yes, very clever, 18th century cerulean walls! Chinese wallpaper, Oh look, yet another set of Hepplewhite chairs. Yawn. Where is the encrustation of wallpaper? The soot stains? The cracked walls? Dusty mirrors?Where is the horrendous mishmash of junk inherent to a house lived in for generations? They need to leave these houses alone, full of the past lives of the family; photos, toys, books, discarded shoes in the parlor, umbrellas and hats on the stand, grampa's stuffed birds and shotguns, gramma's obsessive collection of hobnail glass covering every windowsill. You should enter one of these houses and feel like an intruder, as if you will be walked in on at any moment. I've been in a few old houses where I've gotten that feeling, and it's wonderful! Anyway, looking forward to continue following you on your new site!ReplyDeleteReplies
I couldn't agree with you more.Delete
Great post as always! Really enjoy following along as you visit these amazing homes, you poke around and try to see past the pretty! But allow me to say this- when will this obsession with "restoring" houses back to the day they were built end? They are reduced to empty, hollow shells with no vestige of life remaining. Yes, very clever, 18th century cerulean walls! Chinese wallpaper, Oh look, yet another set of Hepplewhite chairs. Yawn. Where is the encrustation of wallpaper? The soot stains? The cracked walls? Dusty mirrors?Where is the horrendous mishmash of junk inherent to a house lived in for generations? They need to leave these houses alone, full of the past lives of the family; photos, toys, books, discarded shoes in the parlor, umbrellas and hats on the stand, grampa's stuffed birds and shotguns, gramma's obsessive collection of hobnail glass covering every windowsill. You should enter one of these houses and feel like an intruder, as if you will be walked in on at any moment. I've been in a few old houses where I've gotten that feeling, and it's wonderful! Anyway, looking forward to continue following you on your new site!ReplyDelete
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Another absolutely marvelous post. I LOVE it when you show us the back stairs and full layout of the home. I toured a couple of homes this winter and I agree, I prefer them left the way the families lived in them as opposed to reducing them to period proper for the year of construction.ReplyDelete
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Unfortunately this website may not be up much longer John Foreman, the creator of this site died in early April. He ran a part two to this site but it has been shut down. On there he gave us a timeline of his treatments with the cancer the doctors discovered last year. It's really sadDelete
Unfortunately this website may not be up much longer John Foreman, the creator of this site died in early April. He ran a part two to this site but it has been shut down. On there he gave us a timeline of his treatments with the cancer the doctors discovered last year. It's really sadDelete
Oh good grief. I see his later web site is now gone. Can it be restored to this site? It is cheap to maintain a blog, and I'd be glad to pay for it. Somebody with tech know how please inform.Delete
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Tragically, John passed away in April of 2016, so there will be no more posts from him on this blog. He is missed...ReplyDelete
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I miss you John. RIP. Thanks.ReplyDelete
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For more than 30 years there has been support for children through Child Aid, currently active for 60 children. Through various other ways children in the areas are supported, from afternoons to finding an adequate new home.
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We continue to appreciate new donations of books for the children in Suriname they have the ability to develop language and general knowledge.
Helping people with housing remains important, an example is a mother with eight children who are financially supported to build a house. Furthermore, soon will begin the renovation of the church at Mama Doe which is actively engaged for its Moravian community.
In Guyana we will help someone in building a decent bathroom and toilet. We would like to give people the chance for good sanitation.
Furthermore, we want to build to give places to children, small gifts can mean a lot for adults and children.
Met With our organisation we have two dance groups. Both are under the inspiring leadership of Priscilla Hofwijk, a young dance teacher who has obtained several international diplomas in religious dances and authorized to teach this.
She is also closely involved with the Salvation Army in Pontbuiten and has two other dance groups. Priscilla is not unknown for us, for several years she was a child aid pupil pupils making us proud that she has developed in this fashion.
You can invite a dance act in Suriname. No charge but a compensation for traveling expenses is welcome or transport by minibus, let us show their talent!
The first-aid classes are regularly on our program for adults and children. There are regular classes organized, also board members, leadership making nursery school teachers participated. We also have first-aid courses organized for students of the Clarke School and children at home.
All first aid classes are taught by volunteers.
Expansion of our management team made first aid courses important for other individuals. Actually we think that all our board members, volunteers and emergency workers should participate. Therefore, we organize at least once every two years, first aid lessons. New volunteers can assist us in the growth.
We are currently working with several music projects including flute lessons as the main project. Therefore we want to give children the opportunity to expand their perspective on opportunities. Currently we are urgently looking for donors to give more children flute lessons.
For 300 euros we can give 20 children in Sunny Point and other places as a beginning season-long flute lessons.


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Aliens dupe humanity into building a trillion dollar machine that they don't understand in the hopes of some sort of revelation about life, the universe and everything, then savagely snatch it all away in this 1997 adaptation of Carl Sagan's eponymous novel.
Dr. Ellie Arroway (Jodie Foster) is a lonely scientist on a lonely project to search for extraterrestrial life in Puerto Rico. She kills time listening for signals and has one-night stands with strangers, including a random religious guy named Palmer Joss (Matthew McConaughey), who's writing a book about religion and science something.
Meanwhile the search for E.T. is an abysmal failure and just as her once promising career spirals down the proverbial crapper, thanks to her mega-jerk boss David Drumlin (Tom Skerritt), she gets one more lifeline from bizarre engineer turned bizarre industrialist S. R. Hadden (John Hurt). Ultimately even that turns out to be a catastrophe when her dumb boss (Skerritt) again steps in to ruin her life.
Then, just as all the chips are down, the fat lady's singing, and she's all-in and drawing dead with a busted flush, the unimaginable happens: suddenly she discovers the extraterrestrial signal she's been waiting for her whole life. I guess aliens understand dramatic structure too.
Immediately the government clamps down on her fun, especially after seeing the associated video transmission featuring the infamous German dictator of World War 2 fame. No I'm not putting his name here for search engines.
Her jerk boss (Skerritt) weasels his way into leading the effort he once poo-poo'd as a colossal waste of time, and all heck breaks loose as humanity finally has proof that it's not alone in the universe, and they're watching human T.V. One can only speculate on what they'll conclude about human beings when "Gilligan's Island" starts playing.
So Jodie and the gang of newly purposed cryptographic experts go about the incredible task of making sense of all the crap being broadcast by the aliens, thousands and thousands of pages of stuff, and again, it's a disaster. They're getting nowhere fast, that is until again S.R. Hadden (Hurt) swoops in. His bizarre energy and quirky genius, see, have figured out what legions of top scientists couldn't: he has the "primer," the key to figuring out all the alien nonsense they've been jamming down the pipe at us.
Turns out the alien dudes faxed down some blueprints for some sort of machine but neglected to tell us what the heck it was. This leads to all sorts of paranoia, especially from Washington establishment-debbie-downers like Michael Kitz (James Woods), who delights in dreaming up the absolutely worst case scenarios throughout the film.
Anyway we humans decide to build it despite being clueless as to what it actually does. Then the race is on to see who will take the ride in the biggest, most expensive single-seater carnival ride in human history. Fortunately Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk are otherwise occupied by their own pet projects apparently, and the governments of the world decide to select an occupant based on some sort of merit. You'd think that Dr. Arroway (Foster) would be a shoo-in, but she gets torpedoed by her spiteful ex-lover (McConaughey) and the job goes to her jerk ex-boss instead (Skerritt).
However in the background, humanity has been coming to terms with no longer being the center of the universe (literally), and not handling it very well. Religious folks are going nuts, particularly Gary Busey's kid Jake (Joseph in the movie). They don't like the idea of aliens running around god's universe, since that chapter was left out of the bible and asking the pope is a hassle. So they decide the best way to show god's mercy and love is to ruthlessly murder dozens of people by blowing up the machine via a suicide vest.
With the machine destroyed, you'd think that about wraps it up for humanity figuring out the purpose of the universe. But don't be so stupid. Of course they built another machine, identical to the first but totally in secret, and hid it off a Japanese island. You know one that Godzilla has yet to ferret out.
This time Arroway's in, she straps in and takes off on a whirlwind journey throughout the cosmos, during which none of the big universal questions get answered. She returns home without any proof of the journey and the aliens she'd met, including one who impersonated her dead father in a bid to make her "feel better," presumably because seeing the alien's true form would cause Jodie to scream until she passed out from unspeakable horror.
Back home people are pissed. What happened to their trillion dollars? This isn't some bank bailout, folks should actually have something to SHOW for this trillion! They're demanding answers and heading the charge is our continuing baby-McCarthyite-doof from Act 1 Michael Kitz (James Woods).
Through a highly televised interrogation of our protagonist, Kitz calls the entire debacle a "hoax," from the faked alien message to the imaginary journey down memory lane with her fake alien dad. He blames it all on the Machiavellian machinations of Hadden (Hurt), who just died and was therefore great for being a scapegoat, so now Kitz can build his own personality cult around denying aliens exist and run for president.
Well turns out that she probably wasn't lying and hadn't been duped, and in any case things settle back down. Arroway goes back to listening for additional alien broadcasts, and Kitz probably ends up with the second most popular syndicated conservative talk show in the southern U.S.
Although that's where the movie ends, there's still a lot of interesting questions laying around. So what happened next with the machine? Especially in light of current times, it's completely believable that at least 50% of people would continue to believe the whole thing was a hoax and continue to deny the existence of aliens because someone on T.V. said so. Was the thing junked?
Even with the bible-belt denying everything, there must be a bunch of scientists who could prove the signal really was alien and not some satellite broadcast. And looking further at all that data, I'm sure they could find something more revealing about the nature of the universe than just instructions to build the machine. Does this all become it's own underground "religion," belief in the alien signal and integrity of the machine? Do groups of rouge scientists, fearing for their lives from religious fanatics, build mini-versions of the thing and go hopping around the cosmos discovering stuff?
That would be cool.
It's almost been 25 years since the original movie, so I think a sequel is unlikely, but it's pretty amazing at how well the basic dynamics of the story – religious dogma versus scientific rationalism, and how easily ignorance is exploited by political opportunists – still stand up today. And by amazing I mean depressing.
What can I say about Tenet that hasn't already been said? How about stuff that already has? First off, Tenet is a big-budget movie by Chris Nolan, famous for blowing stuff up with Batman in Chicago. Second, as a movie, Tenet has a plot. This plot involves time travel sort-of. "Reverse entropy" I believe they called it in the movie. It's a technology of some kind that's been given to us by "the future," the upshot of which is that these future "inverted" bullets fire back into their guns, instead of being shot out of the gun in the traditional fashion.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, or behind or walking backwards past my future self I can't tell anymore. See there's this guy called "the protagonist," imaginatively enough, who's trying to save the world. What from? Well nothing as prosaic as a pandemic or nuclear armageddon or anything. He's trying to save the world from all this "inversing" stuff from the future.. I think. This all boils down to delaying Ken Branagh's character from killing himself until they can find something that will avoid bad things from happening. And finding this thing requires a military operation similar to the Normandy invasion, but with some "inverted" troops too, who have AMAZINGLY figured out a way to use all this completely confusing "inversing" technology as a practical military tactic. They call it an "inverted pincer" and despite having watched it in action, and listened to them talk about it as carefully as I could in the movie, I have no idea what it means.
So getting back to avoiding the destruction of the universe. The future guys developed this totally confusing technology of making some things run backwards after they go through some sort of machinery. This is all controlled (I guess?) by something called "the algorithm," which is a stylized big metal rod busted into pieces. So does this "algorithm" rod make the "inversion" technology work? Don't think so since people seem to have access to machinery that does the inverting with no parts of this algorithm in sight but I may have spaced out.
Anyway "the protagonist" (John David Washington) is a secret spy type guy trying to stop the destruction of the universe using a seriously over-complicated and confusing technology somehow controlled or helped in some way by Ken Branagh's character, who's a Russian oligarch because he'd have to be right, and who's girlfriend (Elizabeth Debicki) ends up playing a key role in trying to stop him, but then screws up the timing, but it ends up being okay anyway for some reason.
I have no idea what Tenet is really about. And I swear I watched the entire two and a half hours and tried to pay attention. I got the gist of it as the plot unfolded, but after a while I just sat back and watched the character interplay, special effects, and choreographed action sequences which were impressive. Not understanding the movie didn't really keep me from enjoying those bits anyway, I just really didn't know what the hell was going on in most scenes and have a lot of questions.
Like what the hell is that "algorithm" thing anyway and why is it a metal rod? Why was Ken Branagh's character's suicide the end of the universe? With all the bullets flying around, "inverted" and regular flavor, how on earth did only one of the main characters end up dying in the past? Or was it their future? I don't even know what to call it, hell I give up.
In any case, Tenet is one of those movies that people are too self-conscious to admit that they didn't get. It seems to me that some folks have to celebrate its awesomely over-complicated story lines and confusing techno-babble in order to keep up the idea that they're highly intelligent movie afficionados, whereas people like me are just stupid. Well maybe I am but watching "Confuse a Cat" for 150 minutes didn't make me any smarter.
I'm almost convinced that Nolan did this on purpose. After Inception, he wanted to see just how far he could go: how convoluted and incomprehensible he could make a plot and still have people herald its genius. If so, well Chris, my hat's off to you. This is your Finnegan's Wake.
On the eve of "Bill and Ted Face The Music," I'm feeling nostalgic. So much so, I started looking up old Keanu Reeves movies on Netflix, and lo and behold "The Devil's Advocate" popped out from 1997. I was intrigued.
Meet Kevin Lomax (Keanu, no relation to Bernie from "Weekend at Bernies"), a small-time lawyer from swampy Florida defending scumbags and winning. His latest case is defending a pedophile, which causes a pang of conscience after demolishing a teenage victim on the witness stand, but otherwise doesn't stand in his way of winning the case for his scumbag client. His tactics earn him a well-paid consulting gig at a top New York law firm looking to stack a jury in favor of the scumbag they're trying to defend. It's a bucket of money, everyone agrees that Florida sucks, so Lomax and his wife Mary Ann (Charlize Theron) are off.
Before bailing, Keanu swings by his mom's church to say so long. Turns out his mom is a religious nut, he can quote the bible as good as she can, and now they're off to the Big Apple (which is full of demons, mom warns).
His first task is to stack a jury, which is no sweat for this guy. He seems to intuitively know which jurors will be great for the defense, and he doesn't need any of the extreme hassle that Gene Hackman had to go through in 2003's "Runaway Juror" either. He just sort of looks at them and knows, which is much more cost effective as it turns out. In the end, the scumbag defendant (a banker maybe?) ends up free, so again our guy wins.
Afterwards, the law firm sponsoring his New York trip – Milton, Chadwick and Waters – invites him to stay longer and meet the enigmatic head of the firm, John Milton (Al Pacino). For the few folks who were still wondering why this was called "The Devil's Advocate," by now it becomes pretty clear: Pacino is the devil. Apparently he's taking some time off from being summoned by the world's tweens via Ouija boards to run a major Manhattan law firm. Can't really blame him.
Anyhoo, Kevin (Keanu) hasn't figured this out yet, so Milton gives him a tour of his bizarre office space, gives him a palatial apartment to live in, and offers him a job running the firm's new criminal defense department. So go back to alligator infested Florida defending pedos, or stay in a Central Park palace getting paid bajillions of dollars? After a few milliseconds he agrees.
First up is a voodoo guy named Moyez (Delroy Lindo, who you may remember as the great bad guy from "Get Shorty") accused of animal cruelty or something. He's creepy, a good pal of Milton (Pacino), and of course Kevin wins the case citing his client's religious freedom as a voodoo guy, along with some help from his client who makes the prosecutor cough.
Meanwhile, Mary Ann (Theron) is settling into her new life as a one-percenter at the top of the Manhattan food chain. She's decorating their palace and hobnobbing with the neighbors, but feeling increasingly isolated and lonely.
After the big win in the voodoo thing, Kevin and wife are invited to a party with the rest of the town's elite at Eddie Barzoon's (Jeffrey Jones) palace upstairs. Here Keanu rubs elbows, while hound dog Milton (Pacino) gets to know his wife much, much better.
The party's going swimmingly until it's revealed that one of their scumbag business clients named Alex Cullen (played by coach Craig T. Nelson) is arrested for murdering his wife, stepson, and maid. Milton puts Kevin on the case, much to everyone's chagrin, including coach himself.
Meanwhile, Kev's wife Mary Ann gets to second base with Eddie's wife while they try on expensive clothes, before she (Eddie's wife) turns into a demon before her eyes. Mary Ann freaks out, and, back home, yells at Keanu before they have sex and things settle back down for a while.
Back on the case, Kevin meets with coach to discuss the murders at his palatial 5th Avenue apartment, which was lent to the production by Donald Trump (his actual apartment in Trump Tower). Things seem pretty fishy, but Kevin looks past all that because he wants to win.
Mom arrives from Florida to visit, prompting more bible quoting and foreshadowing stuff, along with a creepy meeting with John Milton. Viewers who've been paying attention realize there's something fishy with this whole thing: if Pacino's the devil, and Kevin never knew who his father was, why's mom so creeped out by meeting this dude? It's not a complicated puzzle to put together. However we soldier on.
More revelations emerge in coach's murder case, one night Eddie Barzoon and his gang shred a ton of documents for some reason, and Kevin and Milton go to Madison Square Garden for a boxing match, as one does. Afterwards the pair goes out for some Mexican where Milton (Pacino) orders some tableside oral sex. This has never been a menu option I've seen, and I love Mexican food.
Meanwhile, Mary Ann is cracking up. She's having hallucinations and medical issues, including finding out she can't have children, all of which her husband Kevin (Keanu) sloughs off and ignores.
Back at work, Kevin gets coach off the murder charges, despite knowing he was guilty, while his wife (Theron) gets raped by Milton (Pacino), despite having been in Kevin's presence the whole time. But, you know, the devil's a supernatural creature, so there's that. This is Mary Ann's final straw: she cracks up and gets institutionalized, and then kills herself.
Kevin's upset, but recovers in time to confront his mom over who his dad really is (which dead people have figured out by now). She confesses. So now it's time for Kevin to confront devil dad Milton (Pacino).
Turns out, surprise, he's the devil, and he's trying to create the anti-Christ by having Kevin have sex with his half-sister, who Kevin's been checking out the entire film. Kevin resists, the devil's defeated, and once again the Rolling Stone's "Sympathy for the Devil" gets trotted out as perfect fade-out music over a credit crawl.
"The Devil's Advocate" isn't a great movie to be fair. It's not bad, but it's not very good. The basic premise is the shopworn tale of a guy being tempted by the devil, who has all the earthly things on his side, while still wanting to do good things because he has some inner moral compass. In most of these stories good wins, despite all the evidence we see in the world every day about how far "being good" gets you. I think this happens because storytellers, on the whole, want to show us things that are possible, as opposed to the ways things usually turn out, which are way more depressing.
In a more realistic rendering, Kevin would mourn his dead wife, father the anti-Christ, and marry a supermodel , leaving dad to deal with the whole neo-biblical prophecy side of things. As kids do.
That being said, there is Al Pacino. As the devil, Pacino is pretty amazing. I don't think anyone else could've pulled off such a captivating interpretation of the fallen angel. For most of the flick he's pretty subtle, letting his son's natural greed and ambition run its course; he's not pushing him to be bad, he's just not minding when he does. He's not tricking him, he's not entrapping him; he's letting his son make his own choices, until at the end, when he swoops in for the kill.
Pacino's devil isn't a creature of pure, old-school-Slayer-brand evil. He's a "fallen angel," who still has the perspective of an angel, except he seemingly couldn't bear the hypocrisy of a god who would judge his creations after endowing them with the qualities he judges them for using. So he formed his own team to rival the big guy's, simultaneously embracing human frailty and being disgusted by it, because, after all, he's still an angel. It's a complex read.
You don't see this in most devil films, so for that alone, it's worth a watch. As for Keanu… dude, it's fun.
Just when you thought the future, past, potential futures, and sideways time shift things were all so screwed up by this point that there's absolutely NO WAY Arnold Schwarzenegger was going to materialize out of a sphere again to hassle or help Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton), along came "Terminator: Dark Fate." I mean the spacetime continuum must be at its breaking point by now.
After all, Sarah's been dealing with this crap since 1984. You'd think that, by now, the robot time travelers of the future would realize that it'd be much easier to just jump back to the same time they did originally in the 1984 movie, minus a month or so to avoid dealing with Michael Biehn, and be done with this already. Without Kyle Reese, Sarah would be dead within minutes. Why they keep spacing out their attacks with so many years in between must only make sense to super-A.I.s of the future, who must have a whole lot of legacy Alexa source code hanging around.
Anyhoo, it's the present (mostly) and a now super-grizzled Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) is terminating Terminators who apparently continually time-jump back every couple years in some attempt to do something. All of those guys, however, are clearly the "C team" because today the future decided to send back a "REV-9" terminator bot (Gabriel Luna), and he and the team collectively rack up $10 million + of property damage in the first few minutes after walking out of the hot time-sphere thingy.
Ok so here's another question: why didn't they just send back 200 REV-9s instead of one, all materializing within a few hundred yards of each other, and all AT THE SAME TIME. Seems to me that would make quick work of things, but again, I'm not a super future A.I. (This thing must have some of Siri's original source code too.)
Arthur Fleck is a heavily medicated guy with Tourette's syndrome and a fulfilling fantasy life who works as a clown in Gotham City. He does typical clown stuff like spinning signs outside a store that's going out of business, murdering three Wayne Enterprises yuppies, and taking the gun into a children's hospital to cheer up the kiddies. He's also an aspiring stand up comic: "aspiring" in the sense that John Belushi aspired to cut back on the coke. His only discernable joke is a "knock-knock" joke, the punchline of which is him committing suicide. Turns out he's not doing so well on the stand-up circuit.
Meanwhile, Gotham City has become a real piece of crap. New York-style garbage heaps litter this crime infested landscape of jerks, whose singular preoccupation it seems is to beat up Arthur Fleck. Even kids take a piece of him as he just tries to live his psychotically-delusioned life among all the unsympathetic jerks that infest this horrible city. So pretty much New York.
IRREVERENT is a parody of a news magazine, and opinions, random thoughts, gestures, gesticulations, comments, bizarre rantings or anything anyone on the planet (or elsewhere) may possibly find objectionable, actionable, stupid, pointless, and/or misleadingly silly may or may not be shared by the management of IRREVERENT Publishing, LLC. Celebrity voices in the IRREVERENT Podcast are impersonated. People, products or services mentioned or depicted in IRREVERENT Magazine are referenced only for criticism or comment, and are not intended to imply an endorsement of IRREVERENT nor any other product or service unless explicitly stated otherwise.


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Yellow Orange Calcite comes from Mexico is offered in bulk or wholesale. Calcite is a carbonate mineral with a Mohs hardness of 3. Calcite is a sedimentary related crystal. Choose your size and quantity with options of 2 lbs lot, 11 lbs lot or 33 lbs lot.
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