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Defining Digital Transformation: What is it and How Can Automation Help?
Automic CEO Todd DeLaughter is interviewed on how traditional companies can achieve successful digital transformation
Automic CEO Todd DeLaughter is interviewed on how traditional companies can achieve successful digital transformation
Digital transformation for us is about enterprises being able to use technology that maybe wasn't even in existence several years ago to extend their reach in terms of new markets or new products or new services for their end customers. And it's a customer base that's increasingly very digitally savvy. They're social media connected, they're online 24/7 and enterprises can take advantage of this technology to reach their end customers in a totally different way.
There are some businesses that we would call digital natives who start from day one thinking digitally and they take advantage of those technologies, but that's not everybody. For us, the vast majority of our customers actually, even though we have a lot of digitally native customers, the vast majority have run very successful traditional businesses. Now, they have an opportunity to move into that new world. However the challenge is, how do they evolve their current business without adding risk? Without breaking what's working but taking advantage of the new opportunities that this digital transformation allows.
We use the example of AMC Theaters, who's a great customer of ours and I love this story, because going to movies doesn't seem like a very high-tech thing to do, it's been around forever. But what AMC's doing is fascinating to me, because they're taking this idea of being able to collect information from point of sale terminals. They understand when they launch a movie what the expected revenue would be for maybe a three-day window and if they're light on revenue in day one and let's say it's a romantic comedy for instance, they know that the concession that sells best for romantic comedies is red Twizzler licorice.
So they can launch a award/member text or email out and say hey, come see this movie at this venue and you buy a popcorn and a box of red Twizzlers, we'll give you two dollars off. So they use not only Big Data around performance of movies and concessions, but they use social media and automation software from Automic to really drive incremental business for each theater. So brilliant use and a good example I think of how even traditional enterprises can transform and use digital technologies to reach their customers in a whole different way.
Automation and what we've done actually for years, even before the term "digital transformation" became used in the market, we've always been about transforming customers digitally because if you look at what automation software does, it connects applications and business processes and links them to the systems that those apps run on. So we've been the very core and the heart of transformation for enterprise customers for years. Now, what we do and what's important today is to do that without adding additional risk.
So the repeatability of what automation can do when you define the models, the targeting of how you look at systems to be able to roll out automation in a consistent, predictable, with an audit trail sort of a fashion, all of that's important for the traditional enterprises who want to transform themselves but do it with managing risk at the same time.
So what I can also say about digital transformation is there never really is a transformed end state. There never will be a finish to this. What digital transformation involves is actually the ability to continuously tune the business and do it with the setting, changing set of parameters and a set of changing market requirements. That's the beauty of what we do for those end customers because we give them that automation platform that gives them the agility they need to continuously evolve with the market. So for us, when we think about the people who are responsible for digital transformation, it's the operational teams working with the business leaders to adjust those systems and tune them.
Having an agile operations team with agile technologies like Automic software gives the tools and the baseline to be able to adapt and adjust in tune no matter what the market opportunity, no matter how quickly it comes up. I'll give you a fun example, you know, recently that came up, you know, Brad and Angelina are splitting up. I don't know if you knew that, but one of the airlines in the UK ran an ad and they did it the next day, they turned on a dime, offering low-cost fares to Los Angeles one way and the title was, "Brad's available." Right? How do you respond as a business to market opportunities and to do it quickly, you need technology and systems and a mindset that says, you know, we're here to be agile and respond to the business.
And Automic is at the core of that. We give our customers the tools to be that agile operations team and to digitally transform their business.
Automic is with you on this journey of digital transformation much more than just offering software that you can use. We're a solution provider and we're there to help you from beginning to end. So we have consulting services. If you're looking to transform, we can come in and talk you through how you might get from point A to point B, help you build your own business plan or business case, for your transformation. We have deployment services, we have training and education, interestingly we also then have post-implementation consulting services, where we'll come in and make sure that you're getting the most out of your investment. We're there to help you and to hold your hand if you want it throughout that process. So you can go to Automic.com, take a look at what the service offerings are, and engage with us. We'd love to help you.
We want you to become the automation champion within your environment. Digital transformation requires people who can not only spot the opportunities but be bold enough to raise their hand and say we should change direction, here's how we can do it, let's go. So good luck and hope to talk to you soon about your transformation needs.
Here is a sneak peak of what's to come in v12 of the Automic platform, due to be unveiled on October 4th


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Heidi's Interview with Trekity about Life-Changing Walkabout
March 17, 2014 By Heidi Siefkas
Not too long ago, Heidi was a thirty-something, married, globetrotting professional who seemingly had it all. Then, in one fell swoop, a tree limb knocked her out cold, breaking her neck, and stopped her hectic juggling act of a successful career, marriage, and life instantly. During […]0 Read More

subset: commoncrawl


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is it really any point of dating or being in a relationship? Most of them end anyway, and both or one of the parts will get hurt. So why not just not date and not feel like crap when it ends? Yeah it may be great when it lasts, but at some point one will get hurt in the end.
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I desire a partner who is compatible with me and willing to be my best friend in life. I also desire children so it definitely isn't pointless in that regard. Dating helps a person to find out what type of person they can be happy with.
It doesn't have to be bitter, drama filled, and bad when it ends all the time. Just take a mature, adult, and intelligent approach to it. Make sure to take a "self-check" every so often and not get too caught up on a person. People often move "too fast" and it causes them problems.00|00|0


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The final showdown in our head-to-head comparison of Werner touring paddles will be the Shuna versus the Cyprus. Both of these paddles represent the smaller (with respect to blade area) of Werner's high-angle touring paddles. The blade area makes these two paddles well suited for smaller paddlers or those looking for a solid stroke with a little less impact. Both paddles feature Werner's adjustable ferrule system and come in a variety of options (small shaft, neutral-bent shaft, various lengths, ect). Here are the head-to-head deets:
The Shuna:
Layup: Carbon shaft with fiberglass blades (Premium); Carbon shaft with carbon blades (Performance)
Weight: 27.5oz (Premium); 26.5oz (Performance)
Blade Size: 610cm2
Cost (MSRP): $275 (Premium); $350 (Performance)
Feel on the water: The Shuna is Werner's most popular high angle paddle and it's easy to see why. After paddling with the larger-bladed Correyvrecken, I was pleasantly surprised by the stability of the Shuna; there was hardly any flutter to speak of! This paddle also provided a reliable brace and oh-is-it-light!
The Cyprus:
Layup: Carbon shaft with carbon performance core blades (Performance Core).
Weight: 24oz
Blade Size: 610cm2
Cost: $400
Feel on the water: The first word that came to mind after paddling with the Cyprus was: efficiency! You can feel the power and stability in this paddle but, unlike the larger-bladed Ikelos, it won't tire you out. The Cyprus defines smooth transitions, solid braces, and light-weight oh-so-goodness!
The Winner:
This was the closest match-up yet and I feel tempted to call it a tie! It's like splitting hairs to try to differentiate between the Shuna and the Cyprus when comparing how they feel on the water. On the one hand, the stability of the Shuna's forward stroke wasn't compromised by the lack of foam core like the Correyvrecken was in our last match-up. However, one could also make the argument that the foam-core Cyprus provides slightly more reliable brace. To me, they're both great paddles and in this case I'll go with the Cyprus for the weight savings!
I hope that you've enjoyed our comparison of Werner's touring paddles! Check back for full reviews of each of these great paddles as they become available!
-Kayak Dave


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text: I know this a irrigation forum. But I installed some landscape lights in some concrete this week. 7 lights that are in the concrete. This is a exsiting building. I'm goina give this a try. The building is on a slab with a hang over (like a side walk) so I had to core drill 7 -6" holes for the lights. Well 3 of the holes didn't have easy access to run the wire. So here is what I did. These three lights were on like a sidewalk that was against the building and the paved parking lot. So I drilled the holes, then I took 25' of 3/8 thread rod connected that to my 18volt drill. Then proceeded to run the rod under the concrete slab and try to hit my last hole that is 23' away. The first hole was perfect the 2nd was ok and the 3rd was ok as well. By this time I'm stoked that it even worked. Now for the hard part getting the wire back through the hole I just drilled. I connected the twine to the rod using the holeI drilled in the end for that purpose then, used the small twine then pulled my wire later with the twine. I can't believe it worked out as good as it did. It took 7hrs to do just the 3 lights.


text: Heys Tokidoki Lovers!!!! I've gotten SOOOOO many e-mails about Spiaggia...... We do not have it and I have no idea if we will get it. If we do.....I will let everybody know. Please do not call or e-mail us asking about Spiaggia. I will let you know once I know. Thanks guys!


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Diana Build Guide by tehfr0g
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Diana Build
Middle Lane
Ability Sequence
Diana is one of few true AP fighters in League of Legends. Others include Nidalee, Vladimir, and Fizz. Of these, Diana is most similar to Fizz as she relies on quick entrances into combat with massive burst damage, but can be crowd controlled and killed. As far as mechanics go, she is similar to Kassadin. She relies on harassment with her Crescent Strike and moves in with Lunar Rush to secure kills. This is very similar to Kassadin's harassment with Null Sphere and quick entrance into combat with void walk. The key to Diana is to capitalize on an opportunity to engage once you hit with Crescent Strike and being confident that once you engage you'll come out with a kill.
Take note that this is primarily a solo lane guide (either mid or top) but the final item build is the same whether you jungle or not.
- Very high damage
- Quick, lethal initiation
- Great pursuit with Lunar Rush
- Effective jungler because of Pale Cascade. Diana can also secure blue for herself even if you choose to play her in mid lane.
- Not easy to play, especially if you aren't familiar with AP fighters.
- Her escape isn't very good, especially in team fights. She can get in, but can't get out.
- Prone to being crowd controlled. She has to be close to fight, so she can be focused easily.
Greater Mark of Magic Penetration
Greater Seal of Ability Power
Greater Glyph of Ability Power
Greater Quintessence of Movement Speed
I take all of the AP related offensive masteries along with points in Resistance and Hardiness for a little extra survivability. At this point, there are 3 points left to be allocated. If you are jungling, I would suggest either putting them in Butcher or Tough Skin . If you are laning, putting them in Summoner's Wrath , Demolitionist , or Brute Force will help you push towers and give you a little extra damage. Not surprisingly, these are the masteries I take when playing Fizz too.
Skill Introduction and Sequence
(PASSIVE) Diana gains passive attack speed and every third hit will do bonus magic damage based on your level and ability power(Q) Diana sends our a curved skill shot which damages enemies along its path and afflicts them with moonlight, revealing them for several seconds. This is your primary damage tool as well as your best harassment tool.(W) Diana shields herself and conjures three orbs which detonate to deal area of effect damage to targets surrounding her. If they all detonate, then the shield is refreshed.(E) Diana pulls in all enemies and slows them.(R) Diana Diana teleports to a target enemy champion dealing damage. If the target is afflicted with moonlight, Lunar Rush has no cooldown.
When laning, I suggest you max Crescent Strike as soon as possible, because it is your one ranged damage tool. Since Diana is a melee champion, it is crucial that you exploit your one ranged ability (excluding your ultimate) to deal damage before going in for the kill.
After taking one point early, you should max Pale Cascade second. It does damage and helps you survive team fights since you have to get in close. It is also a great farming utility since it damages all enemies in an area. Try to position yourself in between the most minions/neutral monsters possible to maximize its damage.
NOTE: If you're jungling Diana you will likely need to place an extra point or two into Pale Cascade early.
Moonfall will help you secure kills because it prevents and enemy's escape. You should take a point early (level 3 or 4) for utility, but don't max it until level 18.
Your ultimate is what makes Diana the champion she is. As usual, take points at levels 6, 11, and 16. Since it has no cooldown if you first hit with Crescent Strike, always try to hit with it before initiating.
When playing Diana, having a little bit of early game damage and mana regeneration coupled with the added survivability makes a Doran's Ring a great choice for Diana. When playing her for the first time, you may want to try Boots of Speed and 3 Health Potions until you get comfortable with her, so if you make a mistake (and you likely will) it doesn't ruin the rest of your game. If you need more damage, or if you're running low on mana you can always buy another Doran's Ring before starting your Rod of Ages. I would recommend getting your Boots of Speed before getting another Doran's Ring because Diana relies heavily on her ability to chase, and you can't chase very well without boots.
You can start with a Rylai's Crystal Scepter instead, but Diana burns through mana so quickly that the extra mana from the Rod of Ages is a huge help early.
Next I recommend the Lich Bane. When building it, prioritize the Sheen first, then the Blasting Wand and the Null-Magic Mantle last. This way even before you finish the Lich Bane, you get the Sheen's passive early on. Also, the extra mana from the Sapphire Crystal used to build it helps a great deal, especially early on. Also, when you feel it's become necessary, trade your Boots of Speed for Sorcerer's Shoes.
Your build should now look like this:
Another item you may wish to consider in your early game is the Hextech Revolver. It isn't very expensive and allows you to stay in your lane longer. It usually isn't an issue because Diana isn't prone to long, drawn out fights. If it fights your playstyle, it's a great item and it can be built into a Will of the Ancients later in the game.
Here is where your build becomes somewhat game dependent. With these three items you should have the damage you need to get kills.
If you're doing well I recommend that you move into a Rabadon's Deathcap for additional AP and a Rylai's Crystal Scepter for additional health and ability power.
You have some leeway with your final item, but I generally go with a Guardian Angel for the armor, magic resist, and the passive, since you already have about 3.2k health at level 18. This is especially useful for Diana because she must jump in the middle of fights to get her kills, and is thus prone to being crowd controlled and bursted down. The Guardian Angel's passive helps prevent this.
Another great choice is Zhonya's Hourglass. It serves the same purpose as a Guardian Angel protecting you in team fights, but because it's stasis is an active ability, you have to remember to use it. Zhonya's Hourglass will give you additional damage and armor, but it lacks the magic resist that the Guardian Angel provides. Therefore, your endgame is just personal preference, but either way, you'll do a lot of damage and be difficult to kill.
Thus your endgame should look like either this:
Or this:
If you're not doing so well, I still think Rylai's Crystal Scepter is a good choice, because it gives you a good deal of health and ability power. Get this instead of a Rabadon's Deathcap for your fourth item.
Here are some good options for your fifth and sixth items:
Frozen Heart - Diana burns through mana quickly, so having some extra is definitely a help. The armor will help you if you're having problems fighting AD carries. Abyssal Scepter - If you finish with this, along with the Frozen Heart, you'll receive additional armor, magic resist, mana, and ability power. The aura from the Abyssal Mask also will help your team secure kills, so if you're not carrying, you can help a teammate carry. Void Staff - If you're having trouble doing damage, it might be because the other team is stacking magic resist. The additional 40% magic penetration will help you recover your effectiveness in dealing damage. Will of the Ancients - If you're having trouble with sustain, the extra spell vamp can be a life saver. It help you farm more without having to recall as often.
An end game build (if you're not carrying) might look something like this:
Or this:
Interesting note: With the Frozen Mallet build, if you proc your Lich Bane's extra damage by using Pale Cascade and Crescent Strike, you can solo a lane tower.
Mejai's Soulstealer
With any AP carry, you should ask yourself whether Mejai's Soulstealer is a worthwhile item for the champion. The ability power is obviously very beneficial to Diana, and if she is well played, Diana should get a lot of kills in a game. However, because of the nature of Diana, it is necessary for her to leap into the middle of team fights to do her damage and use her crowd control effectively. This means that inevitably you will die some, regardless of how well you play her. This means that, while you will get stacks, it will be very difficult to get to max stacks. If Mejai's Soulstealer is not fully stacked, then you might as well go with an item like Rabadon's Deathcap and not waste your precious early game gold on it.
I don't recommend it.
Summoner Spells
In almost every game, I take:
Ignite - To kill those enemies that you can't catch up to for whatever reason, or if you feel like a pursuit with Lunar Rush is too dangerous.
Other good choices:
Ghost - Ghost and flash have similar purposes, but ghost also has the added benefit of initiation. It is less effective at getting you out quickly though. Exhaust - I would only take this if you solo top because you'll likely be fighting an AD carry.
Choices that are neither here nor there:
Teleport - You can take Teleport if you're going to solo a lane, but I prefer just asking my jungle to cover for me. Surge - Ability power and attack speed are both great for Diana but she doesn't fight for long periods of time, so its benefit is somewhat wasted.
When jungling, I do recommend you take Smite as it speeds up the process a great deal and can help you get/steal Dragon or Baron Nashor later in the game.
Gameplay and Tactics
Moonsilver Blade
First we must consider her passive Moonsilver Blade. Since this bonus damage becomes very significant later, and has no real cooldown or cost, we want to exploit it whenever it's up. The way to do this is by attacking the strongest minion in a group of minions so that the bonus damage will hit the smaller, weaker minions around it. This way, you don't ever waste any of the bonus damage, and you will often kill targets without ever attacking them directly. This approach goes for farming in lane as well as jungling.
Crescent Strike
One of the most unique things about Diana is her curved skillshot, Crescent Strike. While it does take a little getting used to, it isn't much harder to hit with than a straight skill shot. The easiest way to hit an enemy champion with it is by placing your cursor where you want the skill shot to end and ignoring the curved path. After all, as long as it hits somewhere along the path it will deal its damage and appy moonlight.
When farming or jungling, you have a little bit more time to aim the shot. Since it passes through all enemies dealing its full damage, try to hit as many minions along the path as possible. Once you have about 200 AP, you can hit the caster minions with Crescent Strike and immediately kill them. Follow this up with Pale Cascade to clear the rest of the minions.
Pale Cascade
This ability is relatively straightforward. It is extremely useful though so don't doubt its effectiveness at doing damage or getting you out of battle. I recommend saving it until you have jumped with Lunar Rush to ensure that all three orbs detonate and your shield is refreshed.
One of the biggest mistakes I see with Moonfall is not waiting to use it at the right time. This ability, above all of the others requires the most timing and finesse. It has a very long cooldown (26 seconds) and so you can't count on it more than once per fight. It does not do damage, so don't use it upon initiation. Instead, wait until you see an enemy start to run away to pull them back. It can also disrupt an entire teamfight. For instance, if Warwick or Malzahar are suppressing a teammate, you can use Moonfall to break Infinite Duress or Nether Grasp. There isn't really a bad time to use it, but there are definitely very good times to use it.
Lunar Rush
As I've said, your ultimate is your best tool as Diana. It has huge range, a short cooldown (~15 seconds) and allows you to pursue enemies that are a long ways away. Whenever possible, open with Crescent Strike, because when you do, you have a free gap closer which does good damage. Upon entry into combat do not use your Lunar Rush consecutively. This may seem rather obvious, but Diana is a very fast paced champion who relies on her ability to do massive damage quickly. It is much easier than it seems to accidentally start spamming abilities and lose your target or even die to their return damage.
Another cool use of lunar rush is quick jungle entry. If a wall is between you and the jungle monster you're trying to get to, simply Crescent Strike the jungle monster and follow with a Lunar Rush to avoid the long walk around. Since you attacked a target stricken with moonlight, you don't have to wait for your ult to cool down if a team fight breaks out while you're trying to jungle.
- Don't make Diana harder than she needs to be, use her skill shot like you would any other.
- Take your time when using her abilities. You are a great chaser, so don't freak out if another champion takes a step away.
- Save Moonfall until it will make the difference between getting the kill and not getting the kill. In almost every case, it's better to use this ability later rather than sooner, as it has very little effect if you open with it.
- Be creative! Diana has good damage, good maneuverability, and can fulfill almost any role. Don't hesitate to experiment with her item build and skill sequence, especially once you've played her a few games.
If you have any comments or questions, feel free to contact me! I appreciate feedback, just head on over to the Discussion Section of the guide.
Change Log: (Dates given yy.mm.dd)
- (12.08.08) Guide published
- (12.08.08) Added Hextech Revolver and Will of the Ancients to Items section
- (12.08.09) Removed Randuin's Omen from suggested non carry items in Items section
- (12.08.09) Added second non carry end game build to Items section
- (12.08.12) Changed Greater Mark of Ability Power to Greater Mark of Magic Penetration
- (12.08.12) Changed Greater Seal of Ability Power to Greater Seal of Armor


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Around here, we have a saying when things are not going right. "It's the recession" is our response to the hens not laying, the car breaking, the fence needing mending, the dog's limping, the carrots burning, the puzzle piece missing. We have a good time with it because it almost always provides the comic relief that helps during stressful situations while one regains perspective. I'm happy that we use it in jest, because lately I've been thinking a lot about the recession in how it has and will play out in our days. It helps me to contrast how society views its importance and what I've learned from my farm animals about quality of life.
For example, Pony Jac, our nickname for Nite Nite, cares not one iota about the strength of the dollar. She will continue to look for greener grass everyday of the year whether there is a sufficient amount of grazing in her pasture or not. It is her way to look for daily challenges. I had to chase her out of the chicken grain bin this morning for the second time this week and pop her into the safehold of the roundpen to keep her from looking for new ways to colic. She's not nearly starving and has the most "winter weight" of our entire herd. She is a junk-food-junkie and doesn't care about playing it safe. But mainly it is just her nature to investigate new adventures and find herself in situations that she deems profitable.
The hens and roosters are having to stay confined these days because of a few reasons. Their outlook, though, teaches very strong lessons about finding the good in any situation. I'm so terribly sorry for their winter accommodations and do my best to improve their conditions by bringing them hay for bedding and their confined yard, making sure their hopper is always full of the tasty grain they love, and daily providing them with buckets full of delicious house scraps. By the way, chickens will eat anything! They are carb-pigs and love leftover holiday cookies. I also padded their nesting boxes with leftover belly wool from last September's shearing. At any rate, they teach me that they will not stop producing in this world because they are not in their beloved woods and fields, scratching and roaming free. They'll deliver their daily eggs, restructure their free time and make the best of the confinement. I guess they complain somewhat, but they've got my ear and my love and I have to hope that is the best we all can do, in their interest, to help them through the colder, sparser days of January.
And the lessons continue….if it's not one flock, it's another herd that shows me how the important things in life are not things and if we practice going beyond that, economic conditions, boon or bust, will not rule our days. Make do with what you have, adjust as quickly as you can, believe that what matters is not attached to material goods. Adopt the mentality that if life hands you lemons, make lemonade. How sad it would be to look back at one's life and see that you'd defined it incorrectly the whole time and didn't properly savor the millions of daily blessings. I'm really not part of any "Occupy" camp, one way or another, but I do say "there's no crying over second homes!"
So this year, if the recession has you down, try not to let it steal too much of your life away before you shake it off, realign your plumage, and resume your strut.
Related articles
- Keeping chickens: housing (stoneheadcroft.com)


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Such a wonderful Mysterion of The Church!
"My child, do you want to crush the head of the serpent? Openly reveal your thoughts in confession. The strength of the devil lies in cunning thoughts. Do you hold on to them? He remains hidden. Do you bring them to the light? He disappears. And then Christ rejoices the prayer progresses, and the light of grace heals and brings peace to your nous and heart." Elder Joseph the Hesychast
Today may be the last day for those last chance Confessions.
Let's go, Catholics!


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Smash the matriarchy
No one's breasts have dominated the news so much since Vladimir Putin sat on a horse. Or was it Janet Jackson?
With yet another copy of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit issue out, and impossible female bodies still dominating the grocery store checkout, 2017 is not the end of female objectification. The question is, who is doing the objectifying?
A week ago, Vanity Fair premiered a photo shoot with star-cum-feminist icon Emma Watson in which part of her breasts are visible. Certainly not uncommon, for Vanity Fair. But the response was deafening. Feminists angry at the former Harry Potter star. Feminists angry at her critics.
Most notably, there were those pointing out Watson lives in a glass house of fame.
In 2014, during a magazine interview, Watson said she was "conflicted" about pop star Beyoncé's self-identification as a feminist Beyoncé because, in her hour-long visual album, Watson said, "the camera, it felt very male, such a male voyeuristic experience of her."
Of course, like any person in her early 20s, I'm sure Watson has said things she now regrets, and her comment was posed thoughtfully, pondering whether the video was feminist or not, rather than openly chastising her colleague.
The biggest problem with the arguments that have blossomed from Watson's choice, apart from the obscenely extensive discussion of her mammary glands, is the amount of women who have weighed in on that decision.
It seems absurd to me that so many women would have so many opinions on what Emma Watson, or Beyonce, or any woman, for that matter, chooses to do with her own body.
The feminist movement—every iteration of it— has involved in-fighting. Sub-groups with different identities and different schools of thought don't see eye to eye. They have differing (and occasionally opposite) opinions on how to present a public face. It's led to cracks that have made being a feminist somewhat paradoxical.
It's not, though. Women, despite being slightly more than half the world's population, are a subjugated group, and so, unless we wish to remain subjugated, must be feminists.
Still, women have been criticized for calling themselves feminists for a number of reasons. For baring their breasts and being part of the entertainment industry. For working in prostitution or pornography. For being lesbians or for being trans women. For taking their husbands' names. All by other women. Other feminists.
This is not unique to feminism. Within any social movement, any movement at all in which intelligent, socially minded persons participate, there is bound to be disagreements and fragmentations. There is rarely a consensus on language, on values, on identification.
And asking questions is not wrong, especially when something doesn't sit right.
But when the same women who tell you to smash the patriarchy feel uncomfortable with the decisions you make about your own bodies, suggest women who set a bad example for girls by sexualizing themselves are dangerous to feminism, they have created a new kind of moral authority. One that also deserves to be smashed.


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Anna Christie. Arena Stage, Washington, D.C., May 6-June 19, 2005.
The attraction of Anna Christie lies in part in the four marvelous roles O'Neill created, especially the dramatic part of Anna. A difficulty is the several scenes that seem to demand a full proscenium stage with the capability for extensive settings that can be changed rapidly. Arena stage succeeded in the production with a fine cast and an excellent solution to the problems of the settings.
The play presents quite a challenge for the actors. Louis Sheaffer called it a "work of mixed qualities" that "embodies cliches" (Sons and Artists 27). Certainly the play has been criticized for stereotypical characterization. Addressing that point the noted director Arvin Brown said, recollecting the production at Long Wharf Theatre, "The difficulties that it presents in relation to The Iceman in a funny way have to do with the fact that it isn't quite as long and, therefore, not as detailed. I think the trap of Anna is to allow the characters to head more dangerously toward caricature than the characters in The Iceman—again its richness is that those characters are so specific, so clearly conceived. I think they are in Anna as well, but I think that it takes a greater leap of the imagination to find the depth in these people. It's so easy, for example, with Marthy at the beginning. She's a wonderful character, but she's so often played very broadly, as she was in the movie. You know, Marie Dressler, who was a superb actress, but a broad actress. And her interpretation of that old woman in that famous first scene with Garbo, is delightful to watch, I mean it's wonderful with all that eye rolling, but it's not real, any more than in a certain way Garbo is real in that first scene, but that has to do with the mystique of Garbo and everything else. Atmosphere is hugely important in that play, people are always fascinated by the sea aspects in O'Neill's works, but I think the danger is that the atmosphere envelopes to the point where the specificity of the characters can sometimes get lost" (Qtd. in Shafer, Performing O'Neill: Conversations with Actors and Directors, St. Martin's 171).
Director Molly Smith worked with the actors to establish the needed reality. I was immediately struck by the strong and complex performance of Anne Scuria as Marthy, comparing it at once to the performance by Dressler which Brown accurately describes as delightful, but broad. Scuria gave a moving picture of a woman torn in several directions and putting up a brave front. As old Chris, Kevin Tighe was immediately persuasive, preparing the way for the emotional scenes at the end of the play. He conveyed the drunkenness and the perplexity of the man who is happy, alarmed, and embarrassed all at once when he finds that Anna is arriving. His accent, as were the others', was convincing and consistent. Sara Surrey as Anna, was also convincing from her first entrance wearing "the tawdry finery of peasant stock turned prostitute." Linda Cho gave her a costume with a feathered hat (which she smoothed and treated with pride), red high heeled shoes and a dress that revealed her fine figure and was just past conventional good taste. (The following costumes were very effective. O'Neill described her as wearing an oilskin coat over a dress, but this Anna wore trousers, high rubber boots and a sailor's pea jacket when first seen on ship, then a simple skirt and white lace blouse matching her transformed view of herself.) Dan Snook was a bold and brash Mat Burke, his overalls minus shirt revealing his strong physique in his first scene and appropriately exuding sensuality. The cast of nine played the fourteen roles with an excellent ensemble feeling.
One of the strengths of the acting was in the performance of the comedy in the play. Too often O'Neill's comic effects are ignored or suppressed, possibly because he has the reputation as the most tragic of American playwrights. Here not only was the comedy in the first scene played, but there was a great deal of comedy throughout. The audience laughed responsively at many points but did not fail to perceive and respond to the sharp shifts in mood from comedy to despair. Sheaffer wrote of Mat Burke "His Irishness is painted on so thick that he sometimes verges on being a stage Irishman" (Son and Artist 27). Snook was wonderfully funny throughout the play, but succeeded in demonstrating the vulnerability of the naďve Burke ("a big kid" as Anna calls him) and the depths of his emotions. Surprisingly, both Chris and Mat were more poignant than Anna. In contrast to the original Anna played by Pauline Lord, Surrey did not seem "licked" as she describes herself or as someone who had "lost hope" as one of the reviewers described her (Qtd. in Shafer 21). Perhaps today a tougher, more aggressive Anna is desired by the actress and the audience.
The setting and the lighting for the play created the proper atmosphere and a kind of haunting beauty. The stage was raked and the front was bounded by old driftwood. Above the actors was a mast and as the play opened the back of the stage was hung with ropes. For the first scene there was a bar stage right and two tables with chairs stage left. This was very effectively changed by the sailors who tossed the chairs to one another like sailors unloading a ship. Their movement was accompanied by very pleasing sea sounds and original music designed by Eric Shim. The music was effective throughout the play, although a little too demanding when Anna was waiting for Mat's return. All in all, the set designed by Bill C. Ray and lighting designed by Michael Gilliam created an excellent atmosphere and utilized the facilities of the Kreeger Theatre simply and effectively.
The final tableau indicated the director's attention to detail and the fusion of setting and acting. Mat reacted to Chris' pessimistic comments about the sea by turning away from Anna and staring out at the fog. Chris was downstage left, Mat downstage right, and Anna behind, forlornly leaning on the table contemplating the future. The lighting was dark and the fog hung over the stage. "Fog, fog, fog, all bloody time. You can't see vhere you vas going, no. Only dat ole davil, sea—she knows." The somewhat enigmatic and dark tableau is appropriate to O'Neill's concept of the play and in contrast to productions which seem to present a "happy ending." Mark Bly, the dramaturg, and director Smith probably were aware of O'Neill's letter to George Jean Nathan in which he explained his feeling about the ending: "And the sea outside—life—waits. The happy ending is merely the comma at the end of a gaudy introductory clause, with the body of the sentence still unwritten. (In fact, I once thought of calling the play Comma.) My ending seems to have a false definiteness about it that is misleading—a happy-ever-after which I did not intend" (Qtd. in Sheaffer, Son and Artist 67). When the critics suggested he wrote a happy ending with the box office in mind, O'Neill publicly stated, "In the last few minutes of AnnaChristie I tried to show that dramatic gathering of new forces out of the old. I wanted to have the audience leave with a deep feeling of life flowing on . . . of a problem solved for the moment but by the very nature of its solution involving new problems" (Qtd. in Schaeffer, Son and Artist 67).
Smith clearly indicated her understanding of O'Neill's work in this production. Her production of A Moon for the Misbegotten at Arena Stage was a critical and popular success and her latest effort was enthusiastically received by the audience. One anticipates further O'Neill productions at the Arena Stage.
Yvonne Shafer is Professor of Speech, Communication Sciences and Theatre at St. John's University, and author of Performing O'Neill: Conversations with Actors and Directors.
© Copyright 1999-2008 eOneill.com


text: as the world cup comes closer by the minute one will have to figure out how to keep track of all the games and news. Well when your home check ESPn on the tv since constant updates will be given but when your out you dnt want to have to take out the phone open the browser and wait for ESPN to load then open the world cup page to load then the score page to load, thatll take forever depending on ur service. Whip out this app easy and simple, shows anything and everything going on with the world cup so definitely pick up this app if u wanna keep track of the world cup


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THE father of one of the teenagers attacked with acid in Zanzibar expressed his pride in his daughter yesterday as he confirmed that both had secured places at university.
Kirstie Trup and Katie Gee, both 18, are recovering after being attacked on a volunteering holiday on the African island.
Kirstie's father, Marc, confirmed the pair had achieved the necessary grades and that his daughter will study history at Bristol, while Katie will study sociology at Nottingham. He said: "We are really proud of Kirstie. She's a very determined young lady. I'm sure she will go on to achieve success in life."
His daughter was due to have a skin graft today at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital after suffering burns.
She had been temporarily discharged after three days of medical care, but returned to hospital for further treatment. Earlier this week Mr Trup said his daughter jumped into the sea following the attack, which helped limit the extent of her injuries.
''That completely altered the result, the salt water and the acid,'' he said.
Miss Gee is understood to have sustained more serious injuries and is also expected to need a skin graft.
Yesterday, she took to Twitter to say: "On the plus side I'm off to Nottingham!"
The young women were enjoying the last week of a trip as volunteer teachers to the predominantly Muslim island, when acid was thrown at them in an apparently unprovoked attack.


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Student News
Summer camp
by Emily Wacaser
Homesickness, social anxiety, fear of the dark, allergies to everything, and your nervous tics are all good excuses to avoid summer camps. But the truth is if you don't go, they simply don't pay off for you in the end. Yeah, you may think you have plenty to do all summer long, sitting at home and hanging out with your friends; but in all honesty, is that how you want to spend a little over a hundred days of your life? I didn't think so.
There are dozens of categories to choose from, not to mention hundreds of camps in each category. There's everything from adventure camps (taking you backpacking across Rome) to cabin camps (introducing you to nature and new friends), and educational camps (teaching you about literature or other fine arts.)
Out of all of your options there is bound to be one out there that will ultimately catch your attention.
If money is an issue there are also scholarship options to help you get your foot in the door. If the camp you want to go to doesn't offer any, visit local organizations to gather sponsorships.
If you have a problem with homesickness or a fear of distance, all of the neighboring colleges hold summer camps for all fields of education you are interested in. You could spend all summer on the EIU campus if you so desired to.
Then there are the people you meet. People are there for all of the same reasons as you and working on the same interests. Like I said, excuses never pay off.
Tiger Showdown
This Friday, April 13th, marks the annual Tiger Showdown here at PCHS. The senior girls will play the female faculty members in a game of volleyball, and the senior boys will play a game of basketball with the male faculty members. The Showdown starts at 6:30 p.m. and the admission price is $2. Come out and watch and have an entertaining night!
Money released for new PCHS building
by Rachel Kenderdine
By the time the 2014-2015 school year rolls around, Paris Cooperative High School could possibly be located in a brand new school building.
As most now know, Pat Quinn, governor of Illinois, recently guaranteed the release of millions of dollars of funds for Illinois school construction projects. One of the schools on that list? Paris Cooperative High School.
"[The] State of Illinois is going to provide PCHS with a grant amount of $22.2 million dollars," said Dave Meister, principal of PCHS. "We will be able to build and equip a modern facility when this money is combined with the proceeds from the sale of bonds the taxpayers approved in last spring's referendum."
This money, called the Illinois Capital Development Grant, will provide the building blocks for the cost of building a new school. Without it, the community would simply not have the means to construct a new building.
The materialization of the new high school will still take a lot of work, Mr. Meister adds, as the process of planning is still underway. The building of a school, it turns out, is quite the complicated process.
"The actual detailed planning for the facility has not commenced as of yet," Mr. Meister said. "The design of the building is an expensive process and the Boards of Education did not want to commit resources to design until the state money was guaranteed. Detail design will take about 8 months. Then the construction management will have to create bids for materials and labor needs. The bids will then be published and construction companies and suppliers will get to bid to earn the contract to supply and build the building. The bid process will take about three months. Actual construction of the building will take between 18 to 24 months depending on availability of supplies, labor, and good weather conditions. We hope to be able to begin the 2014-2015 school year in the new building."
Despite this laundry list of to-do's that faces both the school and the community, Mr. Meister remains enthusiastic about the upcoming project, especially now that the funds are within close reach. "I am excited!" he said. "To be able to participate in the planning and help oversee the construction of a new facility is a daunting task, but it will be worth the effort as this facility will serve several generations of students in the future."
We Love to Cheer
by Kylee Henson
Saturday, February 11, 2012 the Paris Varsity Cheerleading Squad competed in Springfield, IL. We, the cheerleaders, competed against fifty-four different teams. We showed up and got to watch some of the teams and then went and got our team picture taken and prepared for this competition. We did the routine, our mounts, and our tumbling. Everything hit so we knew that it was going to be a good routine. We prepared behind the curtains while Tanner gave us an inspirational talk and then we waited for the announcers to call us out. We knew where our family and crowd were and once they called our team out our Pack just screamed. Waiting for the announcers to say we could get onto the mat was one of the most nerve racking things I have ever felt. We got onto the mat and we knew that we had one more shot to show the judges what we were made of. We overcame so much to get to this point and we knew that everything would fall into place once we started. We knew that this was the last time that the squad that we called family would ever be on a mat together again so we made the best of it. We started out the routine with our cheer and everything hit like it was supposed too. The music played and it was smooth sailing from there. You could tell we came there to place and we were not settling for less. Our squad wanted top ten and that's what we got: 8th place out of 54 teams. We knew that we achieved what we wanted and couldn't have been happier. The squad was ecstatic and I couldn't be any more proud of them. Thanks for an amazing year. I won't forget it!
Get a job: some tips to use when job hunting
by Linda Kerrick
Everybody goes job hunting at some point in their life, but for some it's a very difficult task. If you know what you're doing getting a job should be a bit of a simpler task for you. Some easy tips for you are: clothing, posture, language, neatness, and honesty. When it comes to getting a job your clothing speaks for you. If you go into an interview looking like you just woke up your chance of getting hired is very slim, though if you go in looking like you're very well kept and you like to be neat and clean then they will know that you're serious about how others view you. Also you shouldn't go into an interview slouching, it shows that you are bored and you have no interest in what it is that you are doing. Your language is going to be a big part of your interview you should know how to properly speak and use adjectives to describe things so he or she can get a better idea of what it is you are talking about. Another thing is you should look neat; your hair should be washed and if you are a male you need to have any facial hair shaved neat and proper. Also, piercings are in now, so if you have any you should take them out for your interview to show that you can be respectful. Honesty is the key for an interview. You should always answer your questions honestly to show that you wouldn't lie to your employer and that you can be open and honest with him or her.
Gearing up for PCHS Softball
by Maddie Johnson
Softball in the United States is usually a sport played by females. It's a lot different than baseball which is most commonly played by males. Softball is played in many different ways. Slow pitch which is more commonly played by grown men and grown women and kids between the ages of 1st grade to about 4th grade. There is also fast pitch softball which is played mostly by teenagers from middle school to college. Some older adults will play fast pitch but it is most likely to be played by teenagers and young adults.
At Paris Cooperative High School we have two different softball teams. We have the Junior Varsity team and the Varsity team. A lot of high schools have a fresh-soph team as well but our school doesn't have enough kids playing softball to have one of those teams.
This year the Paris softball team is looking to be better because we have several players that can play many different positions. Hopefully this year will be an even better season!
The girl in my eigth hour class: a story
by Brayden Walls
When I arrived at the school the next few days I would go to all my classes just like every day before. By 8th hour I was always exhausted and I would usually be the last one to arrive in the class. Upon my arrival I would notice the funny girl sitting oddly AGAIN! She did this all day, every day…well at least in 8th hour. I had to find out who this girl was and why she sat in such odd ways.
They call her Emily Wacaser. She is young, happy, and enjoys long walks on the beach…but that does not explain as to why she enjoys sitting the way she does. Emily sits like that because, "It is comfortable and I feel relaxed," as she said.I respond with "You're crazy!" and a giggle. Who knows why this crazy girl sits the ways she does, but she likes sitting like that. Therefore I will let her.
Guess that Pal
by Brayden Walls
Everyone likes a challenge, everyone likes games…so why not mix the two together and make a challenging game. Everyone can play this game, so let the game begin. It is called "Guess that pal!" invented by me, Brayden Walls…..with the help of some of the old school newspapers. In this game I will list characteristics of students and you will have to guess who they are. The answers to the game will be at the end of this article.
Mystery Person #1: This person is a female. She is a waitress at Monicals pizza. She has brown hair, not long, but not short. She is usually laughing. As far as sports go...she doesn't play any! She is very funny. She is a senior. She only goes to school half a day and her car is the color of maroon…….
Mystery Person #2: This person is a male. He teaches English and he is very funny. He has brown hair, but sometimes he shaves it all off and is bald! He has two children and a wife, and he used to serve in the army.
First Person: Alex Stidham. Second Person: Mr. Nathan Ogle.
This game originally appeared in many past editions of Tiger Tales.
by Brayden Walls
Rumors have been spreading rapidly like jack rabbits around Paris High School. Students have been ranting and smiling about these new rumors. These rumors are indeed true statements. THE PACK IS BACK. For many years, the pack has been around. It is a great way to show school pride and to have fun while doing it. This year in the glorious club called the PACK, it has been very successful and just as much of a good time. The pack has not only been fun but it has been helping the teams that it is cheering on. This year's volleyball team was amazing. Not to take credit, but I am in the PACK; the PACK was at every game and this is pretty much why the girls did so well. The volleyball team mentally and physically spiked their way to victory.
If I could describe the PACK in one word, I wouldn't HA! Simply because the PACK cannot be described in one word! It is too brilliant and indescribable. Well I guess I just described it two words, but I could use so many more amazing and luxurious words! So when you're sitting at home, doing nothing but eating Doritos while watching "Judge Judy"; get off your lazy gluteus maximus and come join the pack! It's a heap of a good time, and it usually helps the team win.
Sing Your Face Off
An audition story
by Brayden Walls
I looked cautiously at my window as I took a deep breath. The CD began to play and as I switched my eyes from the window to my stereo I listened to the song. It was a "West Side Story" song; although I don't usually listen to this kind of music, I had to because Saturday, November 12 were auditions for the musical.
This year Mr. Lynch is not messing around, he is talking these auditions seriously. He wants us to have a whole number to perform. This means we have to sing , dance, and still be a character while doing all of this. Although I am not worried about it because I have the voice Steven Tyler, I bet everyone is quite nervous about these upcoming auditions. There have been rumors that some people have been practicing for at least 4 months! I said ,"That's crazy talk," but I came to find out it's the crazy truth! People have been taking voice lessons and practicing dance routines--they aren't kidding when it comes to auditions this year. Many students are nervous; many students are just ready to show what they have been practicing for. Whatever the case is, I hope everyone does well at their audition…including me! Mr. Lynch doesn't know what's coming to him. Well I do, and he better be ready.


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Author: thursdays_girl
Rating: T
Fandom: The Vampire Diaries
Category: (drama, romance, adventure, etc)
Summary: Elena leaves Mystic Falls to protect those she loves, goes into hiding, and seeks a way to pay for the damage she's caused. Two years later, an unexpected visitor walks into Bree's bar and threatens to destroy the fragile peace she's created. Elena/Elijah, mentions of other ships
Spoilers: Up to and including 3x15
Warnings: Language, violence
Show/Bookverse: Show 'verse, up to and including 3x15
Disclaimer:The Vampire Diaries belongs to its rightful owners and sadly, none of those people or companies are me. I'm only borrowing them, but I promise to return them once I am finished.
Author's Notes: Thanks to midnight_burn. Mistakes are all entirely mine. Title comes from Bon Iver's 'Blood Bank'.
Previous Chapter
They are wearing flats, whoever is walking towards her door. Their step is firm, and there's a confident bounce to it.
It could have been the granddaughter from the trio of Bennett witches, but they left very quickly afterward.
(That narrows it down to either Caroline or Maggie.)
They don't have a heartbeat.
"It's open, Care," Elena says, because she doesn't need to raise her voice, and sounds that loud are still grating on her ears.
Before, if she couldn't sleep, she'd start to pick on little noises like the old Gilbert home creaking, or water in the pipes; sometimes a cellphone charger would give off a distracting buzz, or the TV in another room emitted a high-pitched whine. Now she hears electricity in the walls, canhear the animals outside in the woods, the trickle of the water starting to flow once more under the ice, the snow melting off of branches...she can hear footsteps and hear the Kralls move around (those left – Peter disappeared, but they have their suspicions he wanted to be turned – the desire to have an eternity to study the world the reason Klaus got to him in the first place – and escaped to do that), and the worst, she can hear the heartbeats of her friends and family.
It's the reason why she moved herself into the guestroom on the other side of the floor, the one beside the study, as soon as she could. Despite Elijah remaining by her side, she couldn't stand to think of what she might do to Jeremy, or Maggie, or Lucy, or Bree. She can hear Matt, but she hasn't seen him.
The last few days have been hard. She's spent time with each of them, trying to talk to them and explain and apologize. Often, her peaked emotions get the better of her and she's forced herself to calm down, to keep from the guilt and defensiveness and hurt from swallowing her whole. It's going to take a very long time to undo the damage she's done to their trust in her, but none of them want to cut her out of their lives.
Alaric is dead; Elena was right when she didn't see him wearing the Gilbert ring - Klaus had pocketed it, Jeremy's too. She and Jeremy have decided to bring him back to Mystic Falls, cremated, but he'll be buried in the Gilbert plot; his family didn't really react when they called them with the news, and it's a way to claim his relation to them. She can't think about his death for too long before getting overwhelmed with grief. The desire to shut her emotions off is too high then. Elijah's brought her back from those dark thoughts more than he should need to.
As for Damon, he's still angry, and he's spending his time in the library, drinking. She needs to be emotionally prepared for that conversation, and she just isn't there yet.
Matt's distance is self-imposed and driven by guilt. Elena feels some of it, too; she saw a chance and acted without thinking of the consequences. As much as she would hate it, she's going to ask Matt if he wants to be compelled to forget.
Caroline opens the door, quietly and slowly, and looks around the study cautiously before entering. Elena can smell the blood in the bags behind Caroline's back – Elena feels the veins around her eyes start to darken and her fangs want to drop, but she controls it. "Brought you lunch!" the blond vampire says, cheerfully, and brandishes two bags. "Thought we could talk."
Out of all of her friends from Mystic Falls, Caroline is the most supportive, and Elena is grateful for that. The bubbly young woman has supplied snacks and blood and company, even when Elena has been at her most sullen.
Elena pats the window bench beside her. "I don't need lunch but talking is good," she says with a smile.
Caroline bites at her lip and looks around. There aren't any blood bags.
"Where's Elijah?" her friend asks, worriedly.
Elena leans back and shrugs. "Not sure, but I told him to go."
Caroline drops the bags on the desk and sweeps around to swiftly sit beside Elena, and takes her hands up. "Elena," she starts, gently, but nervously. "I know this is hard, but it gets easier, I promise. And you know that Elijah is here for you, and so is Stefan, and me, too! You're going to be back to normal in no time." She frowns at her own words and thinks them over. "Okay, maybe not normal normal, but pretty close..."
The brunette cocks her head, confused. "Car, I'm fine."
"Then why are you turning down blood and, and sending Elijah away?"
Elena stares at her for a second, uncomprehending, and then feels her shoulders drop as she puts it all together. "I'm not changing my mind, I promise."
Caroline lets out an unnecessary but dramatic puff of air and throws her arms around Elena. "Oh thank God."
The new vampire pats her friend on the back. "I couldn't send Elijah anywhere, even if I tried. But I did convince him I'm feeling comfortable enough to spend a little time without him here. Rebekah is still missing, and it's been worrying him; he hasn't said anything but I know that's been in the back of his mind. He's got to tell his brothers about Klaus, too." Caroline becomes very still in their embrace, and Elena gives her a bit of a squeeze. "Speaking of, how are you?"
"Fine," responds Caroline, too brightly. When Elena gives her a dubious expression, her attempted look of neutrality vanishes. "Okay, not fine. That guy was horrible, and he did terrible things, but there were times..." she drops her head to the glass and looks out on the grounds. "I know why you guys had to kill him, but I still sort of miss him. He made me feel...special. No one really did that until..."
Caroline trails off, and her gaze slides to Elena, and the young woman gives her a knowing look.
"Until Stefan did?" Elena offers, and Caroline nods curtly before eagerly adding, "But it's not like I set out to steal him from your or anything, I mean, we really didn't-"
"You guys are crazy for one another, and if he makes you feel as special as I know you are, then I'm happy for you." Elena squeezes her hand.
Caroline thanks her, then eyes her slyly. "So...Elijah. That's...how long has that been-"
"Not very long at all."
"As in..." Caroline prompts.
"As in like the last two weeks."
"Yikes," comments the blond, and her friend nods. She and Elijah have only been together for less than two weeks and newly-turned vampire or not, she needs to know she can spend time without him. His presence and his touch and his...everything is addictive, but just like with a lot of things, now, she's going to have to learn control.
Elena's pretty confident that even without an impending crisis, their relationship is going to a strong one; it's a little sad, but her romantic relationship with a 1,000 year old vampire is probably one of the healthiest she's ever had.
She came back for him, for her friends and family.
Her thoughts must be reflected in her expression, because Caroline swallows and says quietly: "I know it's sort of like Vampire Fight Club, but you were gone for a really long time, Elena. If you need to
talk about it, I'm sure you have with Elijah, but-"
"-I saw my Mom and Dad," she says in a rush, her voice wavering on the end and she feels the sting of tears. Yes, she has spoken to Elijah about it, but he barely knew the people she saw in that place in between. Caroline pulls her into another hug instantly. "They were there, and Alaric was, too, and he said goodbye. And my parents said they were proud of me."
She sits back, wiping at her cheeks with rough swipes of her flattened palm. "And Isobell and John, and um, Jenna. They were there. Everybody. Tatia was there, too. She said that I didn't have to come back."
Caroline does a very good job of maintaining her sympathetic expression, but the mention of the Original Doppelganger (a title Elena is not entirely sure now the girl actually should have – she saw a lot of things during her hours dead and it's made her change her thoughts on a lot of things) causes a frown. "Like, you could have remained dead?"
Elena nods. "It was offered, kind of like a gift. I mean, the Petrova Fire ismeant to keep the Doppelganger alive, right? I had to do whatever it wanted, but nature is all about balance. I gave my life to it, and it was willing to give me death. Ultimately, it's supposed to keep a Doppelganger from vampires, and I guess becoming one is part of that."
"But you came back, anyway." Caroline never wanted to be a vampire, and as much as she enjoys her life now, perhaps the chance to not turn would have been one she'd have considered.
"I promised I would protect my family," Elena explains. "And I...it was really peaceful and I felt like," Elena stops, and keeps herself from breaking down once more, "I felt like I could finally rest, you know? But I couldn't leave everyone like that, I couldn't leave Jeremy all alone. I'm his sister, and I haven't done a really good job at that."
Caroline shakes her head, and looks down. "I'm not really sure any of us can stay mad at you, all things considered. I mean," she pauses and takes a deep breath that she pushes back out through puffed cheeks, and she looks up and to the side as she says it. "I was angry, like really angry, for some time after you left. And I think I was angry when I saw you out there with Elijah? I don't know, I was scared for you and all I kept thinking was that you were totally going out there hellbent to protect us, and probably die, and I never got to talk to you, to tell you how much I missed you..."
Caroline keeps babbling even as they hug again, and Elena eventually says that she loves her. Caroline sags a little.
"Just promise me you won't do something like that again, Elena, okay?" There's a true note of weariness in her voice, but relief as well. "I get that you were trying to keep us safe and to stop us from intervening, but we are willing to do things for you because we love you."
Elena wets her lips and gives herself a moment to deliberate on how she's about to word what is about to come out of her mouth. "And I love you guys, too, but sometimes...sometimes, there were choices that I needed to make, and when you guys were helping, you sort of took over the situation. And I guess I should say it was mostly Stefan and Damon, but everyone is so close. If I was going to keep myself hidden from some of my friends, it had to be all of them."
Caroline has been patient while her friend has been speaking, but she now says, as if barely able to contain the word "But we're in this, too! And we didn't get to make decisions, or help you, or...I was so scared for you, Elena. Team Mystic Falls needs to stick together, alright? You can bring your Original arm candy with you, and Mags and her parents, but we'll all keep one another safe."
Elena nods into her friends shoulder. "Promise."
'No More Secrets' is starting to become her mantra.
Flashing Elena a slightly watery smile, Caroline leans over and grabs the blood bags and puts one in Elena's hand. "Now let's drink to that. Maybe this is a little morbid, but you've got to have something for lunch anyway. You and Elijah haven't left this room in hours, and I don't see any blood bags around."
Elena fiddles with the bag; she's blushing. "I'm really...um, I fed," she finally says, simply.
Maggie had visited and left sage burning. It would have been a waste, really.
(That was the excuse they are going with.)
(Because reality was darker: After Maggie visited her – it was the first time Bree and Lucy allowed her to, and the first time Elena felt it was safe – she could help but think about the nightmare she'd had, where her friend was frightened of her. It seemed as if, suddenly, the results of all of her decisions were crushing down on her and she felt horrible, she felt guilt like bile in her throat, she wondered why she had come back, and maybe, just maybe, it would be easier to turn it all off-
And Elijah saw what she was doing, and in one of the few outbursts of anger she had ever seen, threw the book he was reading across the room and moved in a blur of motion to stand before her, and took her by the shoulders. He demanded the she remember their promise, that she had given her word, and he would be damned if he were to allow her to turn off her emotions.
She couldn't keep herself off of him, then. It was as if she'd been trying to claw through him to her emotions, to drag her way back just as she had from that place in between, and he was just as intent with every sharp thrust to pin her to this earth, keep her with him. She'd made her decision to stay with him and he wasn't going to lose her.
And when she had bit down into his neck and felt his blood in her mouth, he had stilled, had crushed her to him, and muttered commands to take everything, take it all, if it meant that she would stay.
No, reality is darker and deeper and Elena doesn't know if Caroline would be able to understand it.)
Caroline stares at her for a second, and then finally seems to take into account the odd angle of the desk, and the books topped off of their typically tidy stacks on top of the chaise lounge. She almost drops her blood bag. "Elena Gilbert, you are kinkier than I am!"
Elena plays with the tail of the blood bag before finally giving in and drinking some.
She wants blood, and when she does (which is just about always), she thinks she might do just about anything to get it, if she let herself go. But living with the Petrova Fire, especially at the end, served as its own strange version of preparing her: it would be easy to let the need loose, to devastate and drain and destroy just because she knows she can, but her nightmare regarding Maggie and her promise to Elijah are always remembered. Elena doesn't need that much once she has it, but she wants more.
And a little of Elijah's blood goes a long way, it seems. Since it was Elijah's blood, willfully and intentionally given, that turned her, her place in the vampire power pyramid is pretty close to the top. There's a lot that goes into the strength of a vampire (vervain exposure, when they fed last, who turned them, how long they've been a vampire, etc) and she's starting to learn a bit.
"This kind of reminds me of my brother's Pokemon cards," she had remarked.
Stefan knocks at the frame of the open door and leans in. "Hello," he says, carefully gauging the feel of the room.
Elena offers him a smile. "Hi."
(She pretends to ignore Caroline's not-so-discreet happy thumbs up beside her.)
"Bonnie and the others have something they want to give you," he announces, and seems to study her "if you think-"
"I'm up for it," she assures him, and pushes off of the cushions.
He escorts them to the library, and standing around the desk in the library are Bonnie, Bree, Maggie, and Lucy, who is well healed (with Elena's blood, she insisted on bleeding into a vial and having it given to Lucy). Jeremy jumps off of the couch and she can hear the spike in his heart rate.
Stefan's head turns instantly towards Elena, gauging her reaction to the temptation, and while it's there, Elena pushes it back, locks it in some part of her head and only wants to give her brother a hug. Stefan's hand flutters by her back, but even pressed against Jeremy's shoulder, so close to his neck (when the hell did her baby brother get so tall?), there's no pressure in her gums, or sudden, erratic thoughts to feed. She pulls back, and can't help but give everyone an appreciative smile.
Lucy and Bree sway a little closer to one another, and both take in the sigh of Elena for the first time since she turned. When she had gone to Bree to talk about possibly turning, she had sworn she wouldn't consider the option until she had the woman's permission, since it would mean the bond between herself and Maggie would be broken. Bree admitted that she had been trying to find an alternative way, but was coming to the conclusion that dying was the only way to sever it. And while she'd never make that choice, she wouldn't hold it against Elena, so long as the Gilbert girl kept herself in check.
She looks pretty much the same, she knows, just a little paler. Blushing still happens. Cut her and she'll bleed. She wants them to see these things and know she's still her.
"See, Elena?" Maggie breaks the moment of awkward silence, "I told you your blood really helped Mom."
It's a discrete dig at her mother to say something, and Lucy swallows, thickly, and dips her head. "Thank you, Elena. That was...that was very kind of you."
Bonnie holds up an old wooden box and offers it to her friend. "We told Elijah that we wanted to make you a daylight ring, and he let us look through the family collection-"
"-Told you he was loaded," sing-songs Caroline, and Elena gives her a playful elbow to the rib.
Their friend rolls her eyes and continues. "We um...we thought that maybe he'd want to pick it out, you know, like a..." Bonnie loses the sentence as she tries to think of a way to recover.
Bree beats her too it. "We weren't sure if he was planning on getting you one, soon," she says.
Elena legitimately laughs as she accepts the jewelry box, which seems to shock the others. "We barely just...and that wasn't why he turned me either."
Damon's words about being an undead bride flicker through her head and she wonders if that's close to what they were imagining, that there was some stipulation to him turning her, because there's varying degrees of relief that are evident in slower heart beats, shoulders relaxing, and near-silent sighs.
"We figured you'd want to pick," finished Maggie.
Caroline's hand pops up in the air "And I call dibs on whatever you don't pick; the Salvatore family's choice in rings could double as paperweights – no offense, honey," she adds quickly to Stefan. "Bonnie promised to give me an upgrade when yours is finished."
There's a great deal to choose from, but she finally decides on a simple silver band with a round, domed piece of lapis lazuli in it. It fits well on her right hand middle finger, and the shade of the stone is light but heavily veined. She can't imagine the ring to ever really not be fashionable, and Lucy comments that it's an older piece, judging from the memories she can get from it.
It's only once all four witches are finished with the spell that she realizes her taste in eternal jewelry is only a little different than that of Elijah's.
The glass windows in Elijah's wing of the manor are all UV blocking ones, so she either has to go out onto the little balcony, or leave through the front door. She chooses to test the ring via the latter. Even though she's been missing that feeling of connection with nature, she's missed the fresh air and sounds of the open space just outside the door.
As a group, they all walk to the foyer. Stefan and Caroline both offer to walk out with her, but after she waves her arm out the door in a slant of sunlight between the columns of the front entrance, she tells them she's fine.
Elena takes her first steps back out into sunlight alone.
The blinding white of winter initially overwhelms her. She can smell the dirt and the snow, can hear the snow melting in the woods and a bird's wings as it flaps. The icicles dripping along the top of the fence are yards off but crystal clear. What she was able to sense as an extension of herself is still there, just...different, external but obviously present. She will deal with the loss. She'll recover.
The sun is warm on her face and arms, bare despite the slight wind and the definite chill. Her breath only clouds in front of her face for the first few experimental outward puffs; her body gradually loses the residual heat from inside the house.
There is the sound of a car approaching, and when it's about a mile away, Elena can make out Elijah in the driver's seat of an expensive and sleek looking car. She takes deliberate steps out of the gate (Mr. Krall had apparently been asked to invite her in as soon as Matt got her to the gates, and despite her being dead, it had seemed to count) and into the field.
The car comes to an abrupt halt while it is still in the tree line, and Elijah steps out of the car, and to watch her over the hood of the vehicle.
She starts to run and without much thought, finds that she closes the mile between them in seconds. Momentum causes her hair to fly forward around her face as she comes to a stop in front of the Original vampire, who has just stepped around the car and out of the tree line.
It's incredible, to see him out here in the sunlight. The little specks of greens and golds in his brown eyes are brilliant and even more obvious than before. His lower lip is slightly chapped from his habit of swiping at it with his tongue. She can smell the faintest scent of Rebekah's perfume, and it lingers on his clothes. He found her, then. She smiles.
Elijah returns the smile but remains incredibly still and seems to drink in her features, as if trying to commit to memory the sight of her here, for the first time since her death, back in the sun. She wants to do the same with the image she sees.
There's a weight off of her shoulders, and she gives a little laugh as they close the space between them. She grabs hold of the lapels of his wool coat and pulls him down towards her for a kiss, and it tastes like sunshine and forever and when they finally part, he takes her hand and they make their way across the field and to the river.
It is only once they are seated on the hill, watching the sun shine down onto the houses and the lives that were going on, unaware, below them, that Elijah brings her hand up to inspect her choice. She can feel the chuff of breath against her neck as he lets out a small chuckle, then leans over her shoulder to give her hand a kiss before pressing his lips to her neck.
"So much for us to see, Elena," he mumbles into her skin, and she leans further back into his embrace. "So much for us to do."
Elena feels a little guilty, because even she's disappointed that she has to remind him. "Any chance we can bring Maggie and the others in these plans? I made a promise and I'm not going back on it."
"Your words with Tatia, in the place in between, it appears she has acted upon them," he replies, and Elena twists sharply around to face him as he continues. "One of Klaus' hybrids was guarding Rebekah's coffin, and he was unable to attack me as he planned."
Elena's panic skyrockets. "Did he-was it the fire again? I didn't feel it, I had no idea."
He shakes his head. "He appeared to have hit a barrier. Healing his injuries will take some time, but those were ones that I myself caused. It seems the Petrova Fire still seeks to protect."
Tatia must have altered the Petrova Fire, calling upon the other Doppelgangers she saw in the in between place to use their power and change the magic. Then her loved ones are still protected even though she can no longer control it.
By the time Elena finally processes this and looks over at Elijah, he has settled back slightly, and is apparently casually studying the landscape below them. "Several of my properties have enough bedrooms to house the whole lot of your friends. Paris might take some time, however, to procure enough space; that apartment is basically a garret, belonged to a writer I admired – I only keep it for sentimental reasons, really. And I believe there is someone renting my home in Syd-"
"Always wanted to stay in an author's apartment," she says, with a practiced lightness. She shifts and ends up beside Elijah, leaning back on her hands as well. His gaze shifts from town below to her, and he watches her face with a neutral expression. "Probably a perfect fit for two," she wonders out loud, giving him a pointed look.
His mouth twitches upward. "I may have the apartment below it as well," he admits, and she shrugs, continuing with the playful exchange.
"Still probably a perfect fit for two."
She holds his gaze for a moment.
Outright smiling, Elijah returns his gaze to the homes and cars, the people and the smoke of their chimneys. "In about a month from now the Bois de Vincennes will be breathtaking."
A month from now would mean enough time to get things back in order, and a change in season.
Elena leans her head against Elijah's shoulder, and hums, content, when he presses a kiss to her hair.
The low notes of her voice sound a bit like "Paris in the Springtime."