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Updates To Basement Brigade Viewing Party!
Remember that whole thing the Basement Brigade is putting on at Mr. Goodbar on 2/2 for Sabres at Canadiens?
We've got updates!
Since launching the party, we've heard back from a few businesses interested in participating and prizes now include some tees from Store 716, ball caps from New Era, and a whole mess of stuff from Lloyd and new partner Flying Bison! When it comes to tacos, Lloyd will be giving away wearables, Rocket Sauce, and a gift certificate. When it comes to beer, Flying Bison will have hats, tees, and a sweet tin sign available as well as a basket with a growler, refills, and a private tour of the brewery!
Also, what's a party without some social media shenanigans? In the words of @3rdManIn…
Come on out to watch some puck, win some stuff, drink some beers, and more!

subset: commoncrawl


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NQ Administrator needed a new logo design and created a contest on 99designs.
A winner was selected from 620 designs submitted by 107 freelance designers.
NewQuest Capital Partners
We are a team of experienced investment professionals leaving a large financial services institution to create our own firm with backing from new investors. Specifically we operate in the pan-Asian private equity market (which includes India, Greater China, Japan, Korea, Taiwan, Southeast Asia, and Australia).
Our industry is pretty conservative and non-risky. Our logo will be seen by US and European insitutional investors (i.e., people who give us money) and investee companies in places like China and India (i.e., people we give money to). It truly is a global audience and the design should be aware of this fact.
We are looking for a logo which we can use on business cards, stationary, promotional material, and as the banner of a website (to be created at a later time).
As mentioned above, our industry is rather conservative so we are looking for something which is not too radical, but can be new, fresh/modern, and somewhat cool. We prefer not to have anything too fancy or deemed as too classy. Since we are a start-up, it would be nice for our logo to stand out and for people to notice it.
Feel free to experiment with colors as we have no preset view on color scheme. But please keep in mind, it is for a corporate audience -- so colors like pink and purple are probably not appropriate . . .
Ideally, we would like three of versions of the logo:
1. One with just "NewQuest"
2. Another with "NewQuest Capital Partners" (although the word "NewQuest" can be bigger and/or more prominent.
3. Another which incorporates our Chinese name into the logo as well (again with the English being more prominent). The Chinese characters are included as an attachement to this brief.
Some logos of other similar global and regional firms are attached. Some are more inspiring than others. You can be the judge . . .
Please do not use any stock images or clip art in the logo.
Thanks and good luck!
Find out how a design contest works or learn more about our logo design services.


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Find Holiday Rentals Accommodation in Surfers Paradise QLD, 4217 search things to do and eats in your holiday location with QLD Tourism.
QLD Tourism welcomes to Holiday Rentals Accommodation Surfers Paradise Australia, we offer superb holiday accommodation with our professional team, locate your provider today from our extensive range of listings below.
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Book Description
CherryPy is a Python library for web development that allows developers to build web applications in the same way as any other object-oriented Python program. Enriched by several years of active development, it has become one of the most established toolkits for building solid and high-performance web applications in Python. CherryPy abstracts the complex low-level HTTP protocol into an easy-to-use interface that respects Python idioms. The library aims at being simple to learn for a beginner while offering the most advanced features to fluent Python developers. For these reasons CherryPy was chosen to be at the heart of the popular and feature-rich TurboGears web framework. CherryPy-powered web applications are stand-alone Python applications with their own embedded multi-threaded web server, but can also run behind Apache or IIS for scalability.


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Customize QuarkXPress to Meet Your Exact Needs
QuarkXPress®, like its enterprise-level counterparts QuarkXPress Server and Quark Publishing Platform, is an extensible application. This means that you can add Quark and third-party XTensions software to enhance and customize QuarkXPress with features that specifically address the needs of the type of document that you are creating.
XTensions come in a variety of classifications and price ranges. Some XTensions are productivity tools appropriate for nearly all publishing tasks, such as Badia's OpenNow Pro that enables you to open any QuarkXPress project's picture with the application you choose and at the same time get detailed and comprehensive picture information. Once introduced to a high-pressure workflow, OpenNow Pro, BigPicture and other XTensions of this type can quickly become must-haves.
While there are a collection of XTensions that are simple and focused on just one or two feature enhancements, some XTensions are geared toward solving the more complex problems of a specific document type, such as Kytek's Autopage, which auto-generates complex text books including sidebars, headers, footers, chapters, and more.
Markzware offers an Xtension called ID2Q which provides a quick, easy and affordable method for you to convert your files from Adobe InDesign to QuarkXPress. Once in QuarkXPress, users are now in a flexible and familiar environment, allowing for much easier editing.
For the perfectionist in you, opt for the the American Heritage or Webster's dictionaries. AthenaSoft, a Greek developer, has a product called AutoCorrect XT that will mark your misspelled words and correct common typing mistakes as you type, much like the auto-correct feature in Microsoft® Word.
Many XTensions provide a connection between Quark software and databases. For example:
Linking to all sorts of data sources, you'll never again have disparate database and QuarkXPress content. Not only do these XTensions make the generation of the catalog painless, they also ensure parity by syncing the content between the source and destination.
MadeToPrint XT (made by axaio software) provides a host of tools that enhance PDF creation, optimize other print processes, and even provide imposition features.
XTensions are not just for English-speaking countries. More than two-thirds of the third-party XTensions developers are based outside the US and many of them are developing products specifically for their markets or for end users who are publishing documents designed for consumption by those countries. Take, for instance, Layout, Ltd., a company that has been building Arabic support for Quark software for many years — perfecting the features that enable you to create documents in Arabic, creating content in a right-to-left format.
Wherever you are in the world, on whatever type of document you are working, Quark software and XTensions will make it easier, more productive, and more accurate.
The following XTensions are already compatible with QuarkXPress 2015.
If you miss your XTension please contact us.
Questions about pricing, upgrades or features?
Speak with a sales agent.


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Good fences are more than metaphors. Well-built fences can do several jobs: define your property; mark lot lines; confine your pets and keep other critters out; provide privacy and security; add visual appeal to the landscaping plan; and, yes, keep your neighbors at bay.
If you aren't sure what type of fencing you want and how you want it constructed, begin by reviewing and deciding on fence type, materials, finish, height, spacing and width of slats, and post size. Also decide on extras such as latticework or an electronic gate. Most fence builders provide catalogs you can examine.
Make sure the company you choose is aware of any community building code restrictions on your property. Every community has its own rules. For example, some require posts to be sunk below a certain level, or that fencing be located within a set distance of your property lines and set back a certain distance from streets or sidewalks. Also, some communities allow only certain types of fencing, and limit the height of fences and walls.
Our Ratings Tables show the results of our surveys of area consumers who recently hired companies for fencing projects. Some companies got high accolades, but a few were rated "inferior" for "overall performance" by large percentages of their survey customers.
The key to getting a good price is to get several bids. Our mystery shoppers found very large company-to-company differences when obtaining price quotes for the same jobs.


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Make any occasion festive with a colorful paper flower bouquet! Birthdays, Weddings, Brunch, Luncheons, Baby Showers, Bridal Showers, Dinner Parties...the possibilities are endless!
If you would like for me to customize an order for you, don't hesitate to contact me. I'll do my very best to meet your needs.
Flowers are made of premium tissue paper and attached to a 12" moss green chenille wire stem. Using pipe cleaners for the stems allows you to bend or cut the stems to the length you need for the type of vase being used to display them in.
If you choose the Mixed Color option, please let me know what colors you would like! If you would like a special color that you don't see listed as an option, please contact me and I'll see if I can accommodate your request.
Flowers will ship flat. You will need to make them bloom. I will include an instruction sheet for blooming. SAMPLE BLOOMED FLOWER INCLUDED WITH EVERY ORDER.
Flowers will measure approximately 4.5" in diameter. Please let me know what colors you would like. You will receive 12 flowers.
You will be sent a tracking number after your order has shipped. If you have a specific date that you need the flowers, please let me know!
GIVING THIS ITEM AS A GIFT?: I will be happy to ship directly to your recipient and enclose a complimentary card with your personal message!
Looking for items to accompany your flowers: please check out my other listings!
Please contact me to find out when this item will be ready to ship.
Buyers are responsible for any customs and import taxes that may apply. I'm not responsible for delays due to customs.
Just contact me within: 5 days of delivery
Ship items back to me within: 14 days of delivery
But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.
Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:
Buyers are responsible for return shipping costs. If the item is not returned in its original condition, the buyer is responsible for any loss in value.
We love custom orders! Let us know what your theme or send us a picture and we'll do our best to meet your needs.
We offer several sizes. Our standard size flower on stem is 4.5" and we go up 7". Upon request we can make 3.5" flowers on stems as well. Our poms are offered in 7", 9.5" & 14".
Our flowers ship flat with an easy to follow instruction sheet for blooming. Sample bloomed flower included with every flower order. This is ideal for storage and travel for destination weddings and events. Store flowers in a cool dry place out of direct sunlight prior to use.
Giving this item as a gift? Let us know and we'll be happy to include a complimentary note card with your personal message.


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By Adam Rose
BEIJING, Oct 16 (Reuters) - Kobe Bryant's recovery from an Achilles injury will likely keep him out of his team's season-opener in two weeks, Los Angeles Lakers head coach Mike D'Antoni said on Tuesday.
Bryant, 35, suffered a season-ending torn left Achilles' tendon last April and only recently returned from Germany where he had an innovative procedure on an arthritic right knee.
"No, I don't think so," D'Antoni told reporters when asked if Bryant would be ready for the Lakers' 2013-14 season opener versus the Los Angeles Clippers on Oct. 29. "It's an ongoing process, but that would be tough."
Bryant, a five-time National Basketball Association champion and 15-time All-Star, was with his team for Tuesday's pre-season game in Beijing and watched from the Lakers bench as the Golden State Warriors enjoyed a 100-95 win.
The two teams will play again on Friday in Shanghai. (Reporting By Adam Rose; Editing by Frank Pingue)


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Hulu Plus for iPhone and iPad has been updated with a new Kids Lock features that limits the app to be safe and fun for kids. When enabled, only programming for children will be accessible and it'll all be ad-free. To exit out of this mode, you will be required to enter your Hulu password, so you can rest assured that your child will not be able to exit and watch shows and movies that are inappropriate for their age.
To enable Kids Lock, select the Kids tab and tap the Kids Lock button. To disable, simply tap Unlock Kids and enter your Hulu Plus password.
This is a great feature that is similar to Netflix's "Just for Kids" feature. I prefer Hulu's approach, however, because it doesn't require use of Guided Access to keep your kids locked in kids mode. Automatically requiring a password to switch back to normal mode is much better.
What do you think of the new Kids Lock? Do you plan to take advantage of this new feature?
- Free - Download now
This post may contain affiliate links. See our disclosure policy for more details.


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No problem, lol. The Steelers were sort of funny at the end of the game, with them all celebrating like they had won the Super Bowl. I've never seen a team with such high expectations, who finished at 8-8 and missed the playoffs, so happy. I guess it was just one for the Cowher.
After the Mizzou loss (any Oregon State fans here?), this made my week. Well that and the celebration of the Nativity of Christ! Scamandrius
I got nothing.
I forgot the maps
nobody cares about them... Don't feel bad...they can't make up their minds anyway...h or no h
How in Mor's good nameone hundred fifty four postsNo Rachel Weisz picSelam
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It's not a state secret — just about everybody knows California is broke and the Legislature is broken, and has been ever since voters took the law into their own hands and passed Proposition 13, stopping the government from jacking up taxes every time they wanted a buck.
Essentially, our Assembly and Senate representatives have been on strike for more than 30 years no matter whether the governor was a Democrat or Republican — mostly Republican — or which party was calling the shots in the Legislature, mostly Democrats.
Voters have tried everything to break the stalemate in Sacramento, from term limits to locking up money for schools in Proposition 98. A lot of people thought things would change with an open-primary system and creation of an independent citizens commission to draw districts that were fair instead of gerrymandered in a way that made almost every seat safe for far-right Republicans or far-left Democrats.
On June 5, those reforms were tested and found wanting. Every indication from the primary elections is that the same old ideologues on the fringes of the political spectrum will rant and rave at each other and none of the people's problems will be solved.
That's why the curious case of Greg Krikorian is worth taking a look at.
In the 43rd Assembly District that runs from La Cañada through Glendale and Burbank into the Los Angeles neighborhoods of Atwater Village and Silver Lake, voters have elected Democrats by 2-to-1 margins in recent years.
Yet, Krikorian, a longtime Glendale school board member who only jumped into the race against incumbent Democrat Mike Gatto at the last minute in March when no other challenger emerged, came within 12 percentage points in the primary.
He was outspent 15 to 1 — more than $4 a vote for Gatto to 35 cents a vote for Krikorian, who faces a voter registration gap of 44% to 26% and a Gatto campaign war chest of more than $700,000 versus the barely $50,000 he has.
Owner with his father, John, of a magazine publishing business that produces "Senior Living" and "Business Life," Krikorian conceded he only has "a chance" to upset Gatto.
"The New York Giants with Eli Manning came in from nowhere and won the Super Bowl. No one thought the L.A. Kings were going to do it. No one thinks Krikorian is going to do it. But we are. I know I got a chance. We can do it."
We chatted for more than an hour in his West Glenoaks office last week, circling around the question of how a self-described "very fiscally conservative, socially open-minded" Republican can energize his base and win votes from independents.
"Back in November, people started coming to me and saying we got to do something about Gatto, he's not doing his job," Krikorian said.
"I started taking a hard look at Gatto, who comes from the politically loaded law firm Mayer Brown, and I thought, 'It's about time we had a local guy, a small-business owner, a dad to represent our community.'"
A third-generation Armenian American married to an Italian American with five children, Krikorian says he has worked hard for the last 12 years as a Glendale school board member to help keep the district solvent, avoid layoffs or class-size increases, and get a bond issue passed.
Combined with his community involvement in youth sports and service clubs, he feels he has a base to build on.
So far, most of his campaign money has come from small donations, often from the Armenian community, while Gatto is getting checks from $1,000 to $5,000 from lawyers, Indian casinos, unions, bankers, healthcare interests, and giant corporations like Pepsico, Kraft foods and NBC Universal.
He will need at the least several hundred thousand dollars from the local business community and the Republican Party to even stand a chance.
"We need to take our state, our country back from special interests," Krikorian said, adding that the kind of social issues so often raised by Republicans "are not going to get us jobs, or put gas in our tanks, or help our public schools. We need to be focused on job creation, on keeping businesses from leaving our state. We need to get back to the basics and become business-friendly again. We need some people who will work with both sides of the aisle for the good of everybody."
I'm not saying Krikorian is the right man to represent the 43rd Assembly District, or that Gatto isn't. That's for voters in the district to decide in the coming months.
What I am saying is we need competitive elections and lively public debates about how we start solving our problems instead of making them worse. We need the public, whatever the outcome of the election, to keep the pressure on all our elected officials to balance our interests, needs and values more than we need ideologues or servants of narrow interests.
Let the games begin.
RON KAYE can be reached at email@example.com. Share your thoughts and stories with him.


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Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Getting Away From The Rat-Race
Rather than leave you a witty and well constructed post, I've hauled out some old rope for your entertainment, below.
For newcomers, it's a good introduction to the intellectual level of this particular blogger, and seasoned veterans may find that they suddenly recall why they thought I was such an arse in the first place.
Time to go pack, and I promise with my hand on my heart that I won't bore you stupid with inept pictures of Dutch landmarks on my return.
18th June, 2006
Via Sir Harold Hutton of the Cavalry, I note that ladies can now avail themselves of the services of Dontdatehimgirl.com, which allows them to alert other fair maidens to the cads and bounders in their midst.
About time too, although I am glad to note that there is no link to Flying Rodent, Mr., which is a sure sign that I have been a considerate and gentlemanly beau to my countless conquests.
All of which made me wonder whether I should use my page to alert my fellow men to any women I have courted who failed to meet my standards of civility.
I'll start with Ann, pictured, who I courted for a short while in Connecticut, US, in 2004.
As you can see, she looks comely enough, but her fair exterior hides a heart as black as night and a soul as dead as Adolf Eichmann. She ruined many a pleasant evening in the local bistros by overindulging in Chardonnay and spraying spittle upon the waitresses, while loudly castigating me as a traitor, a terrorist and a liberal fascist.
All that, and she has tits like spaniel's ears and a snatch that looks like a stamped bat breathing it's last, which came as a shock. I know us British gents aren't supposed to kiss and tell, but I think Hugh Grant neatly blew that one out of the water.
June 25th, 2006
If I've seemed a tad tetchy lately, it's because recent world events have rather caused me to lose touch with my true passion, which is inanity.
In this spirit, I notice that Zinedine Zidane's misbehaviour during the World Cup final has inspired imitators - this is jockey Paul O'Neill adjusting the attitude of his horse, City Affair.
The troublesome nag had apparently been "very unruly" leaving the parade ring, and Mr. O'Neill, losing his cool, headbutted it. City Affair's owner has also described the beast as "a very unruly character".
I can only sympathise - it seems rather cruel and unnecessary to city folks, but I was born and bred in the country and fully appreciate the need to take a firm hand with such wilful beasts. When your steed won't heed your needs, you need to put the heid on your steed.
In rural parts, he is not a man who would shrink from karate-chopping a weasel, throttling a goat or poking a parrot in the eye, should the situation require it.
I remember once chokeslamming a badger through a fold-out table. It wouldn't have been necessary if it had taken the hint and stopped burrowing about my 9-hole golf course, but I have no regrets.
I would, however, refrain from punching a donkey in the testicles. It is a fine line between disciplining an animal and bestiality, and it is a line I refuse to cross.
Anyone who doubts the veracity of the horse headbutt can see the whole unsavoury incident here.
July 13th, 2006
I understand why the authorities would do this - I started out playing for kicks with friends, low stakes, just an excuse to get the guys round. It soon rampaged out of control. Before I knew where I was, I'd been pulled into a world of seedy backroom card sharps and racketeers, ready to fleece me for every red cent I had.
I remember vividly one night in Stockbridge throwing down pocket bullets, only to see there were five aces in play. They nailed my head to the table of course, which was only fair, since I was cheating like a bastard.
It would've been easier to deal with if we hadn't been playing for matchsticks, but Edinburgh is a hard town full of hard men.
August 22nd, 2006
Reuters, Tuesday
August 22, 2006
(Reuters) – President George W. Bush voiced hope on Monday that Iraq could avoid a civil war and build a "culture of life", but angrily reiterated that the US would not resort to the "withdrawal method".
"We must plant the seed of democracy in the Middle East, and we will not pull out until that goal is accomplished," the President stated. "We'll stay the course and soon we shall witness the birth of a new Middle East."
Bush shrugged off questions about his limp approval ratings and angrily asserted that the US would continue to hammer home the message that good would triumph. "If America were to suddenly withdraw we run the risk of leaving the Iraqi President covered in shame."
"There's a lot of people, good, decent people, saying withdraw now. I understand that, but at this moment when passions are inflamed, when we're face-to-face with the enemy, we have to show that we're not going to pull out and leave the Iraqi government to clean up the mess. We're not finished until the shooting stops."
Bush's comments came as the US continued to pound Iraq day and night, grappling with a seemingly unquenchable opponent. As the US campaign has deteriorated into a series of protracted, dirty encounters in back alleys and even houses, domestic opinion has hardened.
Washington insiders hailed the President's resolve on this politically charged issue. "At the moment, it's difficult to see who's going to come out on top," said a senior Bush administration official who declined to be identified because of the negative nature of his comments.
"Iraq is a big, fat mess right now, but it isn't completely screwed."
Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld hailed the President's comments, stating that the US had to show it had the stamina to also take on Iran if necessary.
Former US ambassador to Israel and Egypt, Ned Walker, disagreed with the President. "If we are going to go into Iran, then you need to have the ability to pull back from there (Iraq)," Walker said.
The press conference was brought to a premature end when several reporters had to be removed from the White House press room following what Admin Spokesman Tony Snow described as "disgraceful, childlike conduct - sniggering like schoolboys."
Reports that the incident started when NBC News Chief and White House correspondent David "Stretch" Gregory asked the President whether the US could "nipple the insurgency in the butt" remain unconfirmed.
August 22nd, 2006
... and fucking Sea Gulls.
Millions of them, festooning every square foot of grass, perched on every lamp-post, giving you the beady eye every time you sit down for lunch with a sandwich. Malignant, squawking, pigeon-eating, flapping balls of unrepentant hate, every last one of them.
Don't get me wrong, I like birds. Pigeons, even manky city pigeons, are really rather pleasant - I find their cooing quite soothing, although they look a little undignified fighting beak-and-claw over a half-eaten burger. I'm starting to think that there's a real gap in the evolutionary chain begging to be filled in Edinburgh.
Imagine some kind of abnormally large lizard that burrows into pavements, has a rapacious hunger for beaks and feathers, and, most importantly, can disguise itself as a doner kebab. It'd be top of the food chain in days, glutted on pigeon, ferocious exterminator of the vile Sea Gull.
Mind you, then we'd have to think of something to cull a plague of kebab-lizards, not to mention the hike in Council Tax due to knackered pavements and law suits - perhaps a super-intelligent species of kebab-eating eagles.
An inelegant solution, I'll admit, but at least the noble eagle has a little more grace than fucking Sea Gulls.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Sorry, Honey, I'm Under a Lot of Stress at Work - We Can Try Again in Five Minutes
Okay, I admit it. That last post was about as funny as accidentally sitting on your bollocks, but I've been too preoccupied to cruise news sites for amusing stories.
I'm throwing myself on your mercy here - I'm off to Amsterdam on Thursday and I've been so busy working and thinking up bullshit to entertain bored strangers that I haven't bothered to think of anything to do when I get there.
And before anyone says it, a man can only spend so many hours a day out of his mind on hallucinogenic drugs and having depraved sex with prostitutes.
Anyone know anything good to do in Holland at about 10.30 a.m.?
History Repeating As Tragedy, Then As Arse
The BBC have yanked it, in a move which will give Melanie Philips and the rest her selectively-outraged ilk another excuse to bleat plaintively about media bias, fat teardrops streaming down their whiny faces as they boo-hoo interminably.
It's always surprised me how easily they can switch from ferocious denunciations of the racism of their political opponents to foam-flecked rants about the scheming, swarthy hordes threatening to destroy western civ.*
Having spent some time working in the judicial system, I'm amazed there are so few - there are more physical racist attacks on other minority groups in Scottish cities in the average month.
Nonetheless, it's always depressing when faced with evidence of such small-mindedness in my own country. Given that the overwhelming majority of racist attacks in Scotland are on non-white people, I've been giving some thought to what could cause such repulsive behaviour.
Could it be that Scotland's neds are convulsed with rage over the recent war in Lebanon? Or is it simply that the dark stain of European anti-semitism is insidiously returning to the nation?
On reflection, I've thought of a far more likely suspect.
Okay, Mr. Gibson hasn't been seen here for ten years, but let's not underestimate the effect his famous history-mangling movie had upon the simple-minded. From such tiny seeds do mighty oaks grow.
*Call me a totalitarian, but anybody who uses the phrase "western civ" in seriousness is surely too stupid to spell the word "civilisation", and thus ill-equipped to lecture us upon its meaning.
Just in case anyone thinks this was a feeble ruse, made up so I could put the boot into bullshit anti-racists, I'll post a link to the story if the Beeb puts the story back up.
Monday, September 25, 2006
El Grupo Libro De Caracas
This time he's recommending Noam Chomsky's Hegemonia o Sobrevivencia.
Frankly, I have to disagree with my hermano Chavez. I bought it yesterday and I thought that the characters were two-dimensional, the dialogue stilted and the sex scenes rather forced. I prefer books with more huge explosions and cool special effects.
Plus, it was all written in fucking Spanish, and my diccionario Espanol de Oxford hangs in tatters. 3/10.
Chavez, saviour of the poor? That's £8.99 I won't see again in a hurry, I can tell you.
Dead, Again
Mind you, maybe his opinion of golf is similar to mine.
If he wants to prove he's alive, he should probably comment on something less predictable, such as the creation of hypoallergenic zombie kittens, or right-wing apoplexy over 9/11 memorials designed to resemble the shape that hates America.
Arizona Memorial - The Latest In a Long Line of Commemorative Islamic Imagery, Apparently
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Why Ya Gotta Guzzle Pills And Vodka?
Because she wants to, obviously.
I'm sure readers will be as distressed as I am with the news that Dalek-battling, chav-pop warbler Billie Piper contemplated suicide as a teenager due to the pressures of fame.
"She considered a drug overdose while alone in a US hotel room, aged 16, before phoning her parents to ask to come home."
The mere thought of Billie doing herself in fills me with dread, and it's just as well she didn't make a failed attempt - after all, given where she was, she could've wound up facing a charge of engaging in an attempted act of asymmetric warfare against the United States.
Thankfully, her longing for the embrace of sweet oblivion amounted to nothing, and Ms. Piper went on to a successful career cracking knob gags on childrens' TV.
This news article does prompt the question "Which celebrities would you most like to see attempting brutal self-murder, and how?".
I'll start the ball rolling - I'd like to see Courtney Love attempt to beat herself to death with a hair drier, and I'd also enjoy watching Adam Sandler try to repeatedly run himself over with a tractor.
Any suggestions yourself? Perhaps you'd like to witness Morrissey maniacally throttling himself into the next world, or have an urge to goad on Lucy Liu as she despairingly hurls herself into a pit filled with live tigers.
I'm predicting many votes for Paris Hilton, on her hands and knees, repeatedly slamming her forehead into the pavement in an attempt to dash her tiny brain out for the centre pages of Hello! magazine.
Update! I've just thought of the perfect present for Governator Schwarzenegger, for the day he decides that this cruel world has nothing left to offer him.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Thursday, September 21, 2006
"Morning" in Poland
BBC News, 21st September 2006
Polish admirers of Ronald Reagan say they will elect a statue of the late US president in Warsaw as mayor to thank him for helping to end communist rule.
The statue has promised to immediately begin the task of imbuing Warsawians with joyful optimism for the future, fierce civic pride in their city and emptying Warsaw's treasury into the pockets of its business associates and financial backers.
"This is a great city, a prosperous city of hard working people", said Janus Dorosiewicz, the businessman behind the statue's campaign for mayor. "We want the people of Warsaw to look at the stars and dream."
"That way they won't notice when we pick their pockets and hand their hard earned cash to arms manufacturers and electricity conglomerates."
Reagan's statue laid out its plan to slash government spending on public services and programmes, thus allowing the people of Warsaw to spend their own money as they saw fit.
His ambitious plan involves cutting municipal outlay by -25%, a measure which has so far proved very popular. President Reagan's statue's aides assured the public that he would preside over a decade of poor growth, while overseeing a massive redistribution of wealth to the top 2% of earners.
The appeal of President Reagan's statue is widespread, and it has earned the full support of the Warsaw elite. "We are confident that this statue of President Reagan will keep as firm a grip on the city's purse-strings as the Gipper himself did in the United States", agreed one local stockbroker.
Aides played down recent newspaper articles alleging that the statue had engaged in illicit arms deals with criminal gangs in Lodz, stating that rumours were being peddled with the aim of tarnishing the statue's image.
An official statement from the statue's camp read "President Reagan's likeness is on record as saying that he has no memory of any such activity, and that should be enough for the media to stop their hounding of an honest, hardworking man."
President Reagan's statue cost around 140,000 Euros, or £94,000, roughly 23.5 times the average annual salary of Poles.
"It's what he would have wanted", sniffed a tearful Dorosiewicz.
Update!: Since I'm harshing on the memory of the Gipper, I might as well have a crack at the Back To The Gilded Age Brigade's current White House sock puppet-
"Bush on Democrats - "They Will Raise Your Taxes"
"If they get control of the House of Representatives, they'll raise your taxes. It'll hurt our economy. And that's why we're not going to let them get control of the House of Representatives," Bush said.
Now, the Americans are free to elect whoever they like, for whatever reasons they like, and I don't have any ground to criticise them for doing so. I'm no lover of the Democratic party either, and given the uncontrollable shitstorm Bush has led the US into, I don't see how significant gains for Dems is going to ameliorate the situation.
All I'm saying is that an Administration that has presided over a skyrocketing deficit, a slump in real wages for the majority of the populace, two disastrous wars, massive cuts in public education, the astonishing nosedive of American prestige around the world and which is now pushing for the legalisation of torture is perhaps not fit to lead the nation of Jefferson and Washington.
But since when did anyone listen to bloggers? If the public are more alarmed by higher taxes than they are by today's UN report by the special rapporteur on torture and the prospect of another disastrous war with Iran, then they'll get what they vote for, and best of luck to them.
They're going to need it.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I Got The Poison - I Got The Remedy
I'll keep it brief - this is a scheme whereby the population of Britain, and anyone applying for residency or asylum, will be issued a card which will hold details of their retinal scans and fingerprints.
Call me cynical, but can anyone explain how this would assist in tracking down terrorist enablers like Abu Hamza?
Abu Hamza al-Masri - The Egyptian Candyman
This brings the whole ID card programme into question. If Britain's leading Islamist can escape detection so easily, it defies logic to continue to throw good money after bad.
I've never understood why we had so many problems catching Hamza in the first place - surely it would've been simpler to forcefeed a clock to a crocodile and have it chase him all over Finsbury Park.
It's political correctness gone mad, I tell you.
(All gags courtesy of Viz magazine, circa 2004).
Why I Like Immigrants
The chief thorn in their sides appears to be an influx of young Polish jobseekers who are alledgedly driving down wages.
My main experience of Polish immigration is the plethora of six-foot blondes and friendly brunettes who sell me coffee, newspapers and pints of lager, so I don't particularly understand this dreadful demographic disaster.
This is surely because I don't see the havoc wreaked by Polish razor gangs from the balconies of my ivory tower.
I just can't imagine where the bus pundits are getting this idea, and I almost feel sorry for the poor lost souls, so forlorn do they look. They seem genuinely at a loss for a solution to this terrible crisis.
I often hear exasperated speeches about how the country has "gone to the dogs", and every "Have Your Say", "your-vitriolic-opinion-here" column in Scotland echoes to the yowls of such unfortunates.
"We're looking to emigrate", they confide to one another, although one would be pushed to find a whiter country than this. But, being a smartarse blogger, I have a suggestion.
Bugger off.
Go on, beat it.
If Britain has become such a foul pit of degradation, filled with whores, drunks and foreigners, what self-respecting Brit could bear to watch the demise of our great nation? Best to take off for warmer climes, where you can remember Britannia as she was, ruler of the waves, envy of the world.
That this situation would likely leave me one of the few men in a country filled with attractive Polish girls is neither here nor there - I am prepared to selflessly do my part to maintain our traditions.
Even at the end, when I am engulfed by an unstoppable tide of athletic, flaxen-haired Polish maidens, you can be sure that at there will be one corner of this sceptred isle, this other Eden, that is forever Scotland.
*Can anyone think of a blogger who calls themselves "anything-pundit" who isn't a staggeringly hateful arse? All suggestions accepted.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
BBC News, 19th September 2006
President George W. Bush has outlined a vision of a world yearning for freedom, human rights and the opportunity to be electrocuted in its collective scrotum.
Speaking at the chamber of the United Nations, Bush directly addressed the oppressed peoples of the Arab world, offering a vision of -
"... A world beyond terror where the extremists are marginalised by the peaceful majority, thanks to some judicious nutsack-zapping."
"We liberated the people of Iraq from a brutal tyranny that offered them only torture. It is America's mission to make sure that all the world is safe for liberty, security and arbitrary detentions and beatings."
President Bush called upon US politicians to put aside their differences and support his program of "torture reform".
"America is a beacon of freedom for the oppressed of the world, and we cannot allow partisan politics to distract us from the great calling of applying 10,000 volts of pure, static liberty to the testicles of anyone we feel like interrogating."
"ZAP!" he shouted, thrusting at an imaginary pair of pendulous testes. "POW!"
In other remarks, Bush also blasted the Iranian regime for wasting the wealth of their nation on nuclear technology and weapons systems, prompting an outbreak of furious coughing and hiding behind breifcases from the assembled diplomats.
"Your nation's leaders have chosen to deny you liberty and to use your nation's resources to fund terrorism and fuel extremism and pursue nuclear weapons," Bush told Iranians...
Monday, September 18, 2006
Beck's Text Sex Tex-Mex Hex...
17th September 2006
"Tired" Pope Slams Uppitty Foreigners
An "emotional" Pope Benedict XVI has lashed out at protesting heathens in a shocking four-letter rant.
The emotional pontiff, addressing a crowd of forty thousand in Vatican City, pronounced himself "Sick to the fucking tits" following protests in Muslim countries over his recent, entirely reasonable comments on Islam.
Onlookers were astonished as Pope Benedict let rip with an x-rated rant.
Shaking his fist in the air, the Pope turned the air blue, exhorting protesting Muslims to "fuck right off" and urging them to "Come and have a go, if you've got the bollocks".
But His Holiness wasn't finished there - shocked onlookers gasped as...(see page 3 for details)
Pope declares Islam "A Load Of Old Wank"
Judaism: "Religion of Arse"
Protestants: "Thick as a Bull's Dick"
The Papal Posterior, Bared Towards Mecca in Defiance
Also today in your soaraway Sun - Jodie Marsh in threesome with Prescott, Polar Bear...
Frank Lampard vs. Vinnie Jones in teabagging Olympiad...
Littlejohn caught "Looking For Badgers" with Norton...
Bloody Immigrants, Coming Over Here, Taking Our Jobs, Looking Funny at My Wife, Nicking My Bike, Goosing My Tortoise (cont. pg 5)
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Liberte, Egalite et Stupidite
"Far-right politicians criticized France soccer players Lillian Thuram and Patrick Viera for inviting evicted squatters to watch Wednesday's European Championship qualifying game against Italy.
"Why don't they go even further and invite these illegal immigrants to stay in their homes?" said Philippe de Villiers, a far right presidential hopeful... "It's always interesting to see billionaires give lessons to society."
"Thuram has defended the team in the past against accusations by extreme right leaders that its players are not "French" enough."
People like Philipe De Villiers always put me in a difficult position, morally speaking.
After all, I detest them because they are very racist, and I deplore all forms of bigotry. It's alarming to see public figures making such statements.
On the other hand, I also hate French Nazis because they're a bunch of brie-eating Froggy bastards.
I think I'll side with the footballers, just to be on the safe side.
Thuram - Has never been mocked to his face for being called "Lillian".
Update!: It's just occurred to me that you always hear blowhards on the TV and on the bus complaining about bogus asylum seekers, but you never hear them mentioning the "radical" or "bodacious" immigrants.
I don't know what to lament first, the kneejerk racism of my fellow man or the Americanisation of the Scots tongue.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Attention Children of New Zealand!
Curiosity overcomes me - fully 12% of the traffic on my page comes from New Zealanders, while 10% comes from the US and an amazing 0% comes from Australia, despite the obvious disparity in population.
Please, New Zealanders, announce yourselves! Are you a nation of internet addicts, or is there some kind of strange Scottish/NZ humour crossover of which I was previously unaware?
It surely can't be entirely because of my great affection for the estimable Sonic and Greywolf at Hitchens Watch, much as I enjoy their work.
Habeus Napalm
For those not in the know (and I apologise for clueing you in to this rather mundane story), the Pope has succesfully offended the entire Muslim world by quoting a Byzantine Emperor.
I'm right behind the Pope on this, of course - anything that offends God botherers, whatever their creed, is entirely my cup of tea. I saw Jerry Springer - The Opera seventeen times, just so that I could walk out of the theater past the Christian Voice crowd, laughing like a drain whilst miming my own crucifixion.
One day, I'll post a picture of my Mohammed cartoon tattoo - it's a hoot. It's a smash hit every time I bare my right buttock down at the local brothel.
They love it at the synagogue too, although my Ariel Sharon impersonation seems to bomb every time.
All joking aside, the Pope has every right to say whatever he likes without a gaggle of Koran thumpers giving him grief about it.
I'm sure the Pope would gladly die for my right to call him a football-headed, Uncle Fester-impersonating ex-Nazi, just as he'd join in laughing at the Protestants and their made-up religion.
You're not a religion 'til you're at least 700, if you ask me.
the ghost of the deceased Roman Empire, sitting crowned upon the grave thereof.
I've posted this before, but I always split my sides at The Passion of the Christ - the Benny Hill Years.
Be warned that Jesus can see you laughing, and even though he's the forgiving type, it's still going to be an awkward moment when you bump into him at the canteen in Heaven.
Update!: I was thinking about this nonsensical rumpus today and recalled that one of the Pope's first ideas on becoming God's representative on Earth was to do away with the notion of "limbo". If I recall correctly, he proposed this because limbo "has always been only a theological hypothesis".
Presumably the existence of Heaven, Hell, Angels, Satan and the Lord himself are not affected by this, being scientifically proven facts rather than theological hypotheses.
The Adventures of the Man With No Penis
Put your hands together and pray for the PBF.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Political Correctness Gone Mad
A harmless but unsightly growth was removed from the goldfish, which was on show at the Royal Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh."
This is unbelievable yet entirely predictable, a sure sign of our refusal to face up to the realities of the War on Seafood. Even as fish menace us, slaying our most popular TV personalities, viciously choking diners in restaurants and taunting us with their gaping, moronic faces, the taxpayer is paying for their cosmetic surgery!
It is shocking that we are not only allowing these fish into our country, we are coddling them with benefits and free healthcare. Multispeciesism has been foisted on us by liberal do-gooders and its results are clear to see. If fish cannot integrate into British society, they should return to their own seas and rivers - this misguided policy of welcoming unlimited numbers of fish into the country and giving them more rights than hard working British citizens will end in rivers of caviar.
I believe I have made my feelings on this matter clear.
Now, can anyone tell me how one would perform surgery on a fish? Does the vet operate in a fishtank on a table, or do they get the snorkel on and get up close and personal?
And more to the point, will this fish now score with all those hot, scaly minxes that formerly rejected his advances?
The Laughter Died In My Throat When I Realised You Were a Communist
Still, I arrive back to discover a marked uptick in hits at my page thanks to links from various bloggers. One in particular is Mr. Eugenides, a fellow Scot who pronounces my politics "deeply suspect".
Understandable, since my posts are strewn with fascist imagery. Still, this is a great excuse to break out some of my favourite nuttiness from around the internet, on one of my favourite subjects - the impossibility of enjoying the artistic works of the politically radioactive.
I imagine many readers will be familiar with the movie 28 Days Later, an above average British zombie shocker from 2002. Nothing particularly innovative about it, beyond some excellent super 8 photography.
Nonetheless, the movie provoked the ire of sensitive souls. David Hogberg at Blogcritics was aghast at the shoddy treatment the film gave to the military, who are depicted as being little better than the zombies themselves...
"Alas, as is so often the case in the film industry, the military just can't be a force for good. The soldiers set up the broadcast in the hopes of luring some women for a bit of nooky, the forced kind...
...Chances are it probably fit their stereotypes of the military. A bunch of thuggish soldiers willing to engage in rape given their just desserts by a scrawny geek--what could be more fitting?
28 Days Later might have been a great horror film had Boyle and Garland worked harder to come up with a fitting ending. Instead, they let their political views ruin it."
I must confess that this subtext, while obvious, eluded me on my first viewing. It's also eluded me when watching movies such as Saving Private Ryan, Big Red One, Black Hawk Down, Hamburger Hill or any other non-Vietnam war movie I've ever seen.
Suburban dad and general disapprover of modernity James Lileks was irked by the absence of guns from the movie...
"I wondered why our heroes were defending themselves against the zombies with baseball bats - guys, why don't you just shoot them? Oh - right. England. Well, this'll learn you. Never give up your guns. There might be zombies about."
I imagine that Lileks is kidding us on here, although I wonder why this thought occurred to him and not to me.
Finally, I decided to seek out the opinion of Jesus on the matter. The Lord, as it turns out, is unamused...
"There is a strong message delivered through this work, a message that "people kill people... and always have"... I strongly urge any Christian with a tender heart to avoid this film... The scriptures tell us to "guard your heart with all diligence" and I say use this as a measuring stick for this or an other film."Other reviewers on the page urge similar caution, noting that the movie is "spoiled by humanist elements". Dale, 19, warns us to "Avoid this work of the Devil".
Christians, of course, have an excuse for allowing their ideology to ruin their enjoyment of artistic endeavours, as they have the approval of the Lord to do so. Secular types, on the other hand, cannot point to such lofty principles in their defence.
Cillian Murphy - Scion of the Evil One
All of which is apropos of absolutely nothing, but in the spirit of reciprocity I'd like to point you to the pages of the savagely humorous Larry Teabag, the sober and considered Definition Britain, the sharp political musings of Europhobia, the fragrant Not Saussure, the aptly named Devil's Kitchen and the deeply misguided David Duff.
From the remaining dregs of my nationalism, I'll link to anyone from Scotland who has a blog and alerts me to the fact, provided there are no obvious swastikas or shrines to Osama on your site.
That kind of thing is rampant in the land of the thistle.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
A Call To Arms
Already, patriotic Australians have begun to fight back against these sea beasts and their implacable hatred, attacking stingrays in revenge for the death of the towering TV collossus.
With this the Australians have declared that the time for mourning is over, and that it is time to strike back hard at the aquatic menace that lurks within our seas, our rivers and even in the ponds near which our children play.
But the threat from these cold-blooded assassins of the deep does not begin and end with the ferocious predators, the sharks, the stingrays and the killer whales.
Would that that were the case, we might take some small comfort. Their catalogue of anti-human hate crimes is too long to list, but some of their more recent atrocities are enough to strike fear into the hearts of any mortal.
Cambodian teenager strangled by enraged fish.
Psychotic sea bass drowns diver.
Toddler twatted by sadistic sunfish.
And who can forget the unforgiveable crimes against humanity perpetrated by fishkind during World War II, when they allied themselves with the racist imperium of Hirohito?
This reign of piscine terror will not be ended by diplomacy, nor under the auspices of the UN. President Bush's assertion that "human beings and fish can coexist peacefully" has been proven to be a fantasy for those still stuck in a pre-Stevo-eating mindset.
We now need to fully grasp the situation - we find ourselves facing a threat the like of which we have never encountered. The fish will never stop, never engage in diplomacy, will never listen to appeals to reason. Their quest for hegemony of the seas must end.
Our resolve is firm, our purpose is clear. We will fight these aquatic totalitarians, and we will prevail.
Fish - Bastards.
Update!: Satire - even my ham-fisted attempts at it - is increasingly being made obsolete by the internet. I believe I may just have stumbled across the most flat-out fucking insane depiction of the old saw about single mothers and the decline of society ever recorded.
From Roy at Alicublog, whose ability to detect the scent of crazy on the virtual winds is approaching bloodhound levels.
No posts tomorrow (pub), and possibly not for many days after that as I try to cram my exploded brains back into my skull.
An Inspector Calls
The relentless human capacity for self-deception appears undented by the countless head-on fender-benders reality has recently subjected our nations to.
Thankfully, I remembered a story I read on Reuters some time ago, and just a quick Google search later I was much cheerier.
Stubborn self-delusion is nothing compared to the cunning wiles of the Breast Inspector.
MIAMI (Reuters) - A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said on Thursday.
One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said. The woman then phoned the Broward County Sheriff's Office and the suspect fled.
He was arrested at another woman's apartment in the same Lauderdale Lakes neighborhood on Wednesday, a sheriff's spokesman said. The white-haired suspect, Philip Winikoff, carried a black bag and claimed to be visiting on behalf of a local hospital.
"He told the woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams," sheriff's spokesman Hugh Graf said in a statement. At least two women, both in their 30s, let him into their homes and he fondled and sexually assaulted them, the investigators said.
Winikoff was not a doctor, Graf said. He worked as a shuttle driver for an auto dealership.
I know I shouldn't laugh at the misfortune of the victims of such assaults, but I can't help but wonder whether I should relocate to Florida and start a career as a wallet inspector.
The sooner this German chemist perfects his scientific breakthrough, the better off we'll all be - we certainly won't have to listen to bloggers like Vodkapundit tell us that the combined might of Iran, Osama Bin Laden, Syria and Hezbollah represent a more terrifying threat to mankind than the Soviet Union.
What would Stalin, Kruschev or Brezhnev say, if they could speak from beyond the grave?* Would they point to the Soviets' enormous nuclear arsenal, millions of men under arms and tens of thousands of tanks? Would they talk of the great ideological wars of the twentieth century?
Since all were enthusiastic employers of propaganda, we have to consider the foul possibility that they'd give him a job at Pravda.
*And if I could understand Russian, of course.
Monday, September 11, 2006
The War on Forever
What we need to save us from the planet-destroying fascist horror that threatens to overwhelm us all is this in the middle east...
But if the liberal terrorist-lovers won't allow that, we'll settle for plenty of this in the west.
I'm not going to post anything else today, the display of red-faced, furious cock-pounding over the 9/11 anniversary that I've witnessed on the biggest of the right wing blogs has made me feel a bit faint.
I don't think there's anything else I can say about inappropriate methods of commemorating the dead that I haven't already said here and here.
Update!: I can only heartily endorse John's comments at Konichiwa Bitches.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Commemorating September 11th
As the anniversary of September 11th 2001 looms large in our headlights, I thought I'd share some of my experiences from one of the worst days of my life.
It seemed like any other day as I opened my curtains onto a crisp autumn morning, and I was in a cheerful mood as I dressed and walked downstairs. All that would change after I turned on the television.
With the news on the TV, I walked into the kitchen, directly into a huge puddle of cold water that had issued from my washing machine and soaked through the carpet. As I would discover later, the water had seeped through into the flat downstairs and I was now liable for a two hundred pound repair bill. As if that wasn't bad enough, the Council had finally caught up with me and hit me with a tax bill for another four hundred quid, which put me six big ones down before I'd even opened my front door.
I had to call my boss and tell her that I wouldn't make it to the office until the afternoon, which prompted a foul-mouthed rant on my shortcomings as an employee. The repair guy, when he arrived, was surly and mean-spirited and he proceeded to leave grubby hand prints all over my bathroom.
Of course, the bus to Edinburgh broke down on the bypass and there was a fifty minute wait for a replacement, and the cash machine ate my bankcard as I tried to take out money for lunch. I had to take a detour and borrow twenty bucks off my girlfriend, who was pissed because I still hadn't paid up for our holiday that year.
Then, to cap it all, I get into the office and there's nobody there, just twenty phones ringing angrily, and I spent most of the afternoon dealing with vindictive lawyers.
A real human truth was revealed to me by September 11th - lawyers hate being put on hold. They hate it like fire.
When my co-workers finally showed up in the office, it was to babble about some Jerry Bruckheimer movie they'd been watching in the tea room, grab their coats and make for the exits. Talk about unprofessional.
I didn't get out of the office until seven, and the staff at the cafe in which I ate my dinner were distracted and rude, watching TV and neglecting the customers. The only communication I got from the waitress was "terrible day". You don't know the half of it, sister.
I saw a woman on the TV the other night babbling about "how September 11th changed the world", and I know what she meant. She also said it had laid bare the potential for evil in the modern world, but I think that's a bit of a stretch.
It certainly laid bare the shortcomings in the British work ethic.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
BBC News,
7th September, 2006
A patient in a coma can communicate just using his thoughts, according to research.
Former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, who has been in a coma since suffering a stroke, has been unable to communicate for many months.
By scanning his brain, a UK/Belgium team discovered that he could understand spoken commands and even imagine bombing Palestinians and Lebanese.
They said their findings were "startling", but cautioned that this could be a one-off case.
Five months after his stroke, the researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging (FMRI) to record General Sharon's brain activity. Researchers attempted to enliven his mental processes by continuously playing him "Mars: The Bringer of War" from Holst's "Planets" suite.
While his brain was being mapped, the researchers asked him to imagine simple tasks, such as shelling heavily populated urban centres, allowing Christian death squads to run riot in civilian refugee camps or dismantling the social welfare programs of formerly egalitarian societies.
Lead scientist Dr Adrian Owen, a neuroscientist from the Medical Research Council's Cognition and Brain Sciences Unit in Cambridge, said "The tasks we chose are based on many years of brain imaging research that shows different areas of the brain are activated when we perform different kinds of tasks."
Extreme Violence
When the scientists compared his brain activity to that of healthy patients, who had been asked to carry out the same task, they discovered the patterns were "indistinguishable".
Dr Owen said "These are startling results. It tells us that he is able to perform simple tasks in his head, such as imagining bulldozing the homes of people he considers to be less than human."
"Despite being in a coma, it's clear that General Sharon's enthusiasm for slaughtering his enemies is undiminished."
In an accompanying article in the same journal, Lionel Naccache, of the Cognitive Neuroimaging Unit in France, said: "Despite Gen. Sharon's very poor behavioural status, the FMRI findings indicate this existence of a rich mental life of destroying Palestinian police stations and banks."
"It asks all manner of moral questions, such as 'would it be right to switch off the life support of a man whose mind is capable of imagining the crushing of subject peoples?."
General Sharon is 78 years old and has been feted as a "man of peace."
Blair v Brown - The Battle That's Gripped The Nation
To me, it's a pretty open and shut case. Just look at the picture below...
As was pointed out in this month's Viz, Tony Blair is at least half an inch taller than Governor Schwarzenegger*, making him the finest Prime Minister we've ever had. What other nation can boast a premier taller than the Terminator?
Churchill seems puny by comparison.
And here we see Blair towering over leader of the free world, plus some shifty-looking foreign geezer who's probably there to serve the coffees.
And what of Gordon Brown, Chancellor of the Exchequer?
A clear inch, at least, shorter than the collossus Blair.
Only those who pray for the imminent victory of the Islamofascists could support the diminishing of Britain's stature in the world by allowing such a shortarse to occupy Number Ten. Blair's tremendous height is a testament to the superiority of the British social contract.
Plus, Brown is a Scotsman, and as the whole world knows, all Scotsmen are sexual tyrannosaurs. I believe such rampant masculinity would not play well to middle England, and could cost Labour the next election.
*Those words still give me a laugh every time.
Incidentally - this is my hundredth post, and I believe it is traditional to mark the occasion and offer reflections upon what I have learned in the past couple of months.
The chief lesson I have learned is that, if I want people to give me free money, it would be more efficient to take up mugging than blogging.
The other lesson I've learned is that, if blogging is a desperate plea for attention, I would be more succesful if I stripped naked, painted myself pink and ran through the streets shrieking "Stop me before I kill again".
The final lesson being that, if you want lots of visitors to your page, the quickest way to do it is to give it an obscene name and cover it with pictures of naked women.
The fact that I used the phrase "naked women" in the last sentence will probably double the traffic to my site for the coming week.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Bush Slays Audience With All-New Material
Comedy Pouch, Little Rock, Arkansas,
5th September 2006
Say what you like about President George W. Bush, but there's no doubting his position as one of the leading stand-ups on the comedy circuit. By turns genial, frank and uncompromising, Bush's set was rapturously received by an audience privileged to witness his return to form.
Taking as his theme his recent career difficulties and the War on Terror, Bush's acerbic style was shot through with a sincerity that has been lacking on recent tours. He packed a nervous energy into his delivery that hasn't been seen since the now-infamous "With Us Or Against Us" skit he first performed in 2001.
Kicking off with some well-worn crowd pleasers - "Why is it that folks who believe in evolution look really over-evolved? Damn, Darwin, you gotta tell these folks when to stop with their evolvin' - I could land a jet on these guys' foreheads!" - Bush quickly hit his stride with his "Ich Bin Ein Jihadi" sketch.
From a rant on the War on Terror and "Folks who just don't get it", he segued neatly into a hilarious skit comparing Osama Bin Laden to Adolf Hitler, bringing the house down with his impersonation of a frustrated OBL struggling to pray towards Mecca while flinging fascist salutes.
"Schweinhund!" he imagined Bin Laden shouting in frustration, "Wer ist der third panzercorps? Wer ist mein Luftwaffe? Der march on America begins tomorrow!", then, "Gott in Himmel! Ich bin in eine shitty cave halfway up ein mountain in Pakistan!".
The audience were quick to join in, shouting "Achtung, Achtung!" as he impersonated Bin Laden desperately trying to recall what he'd done with his millions of well-armed and trained stormtroopers, shouting "Scheiss, I had them just ein minute ago!", while miming a search under the sofa cushions.
Expanding on the theme, he became Ayman Al-Zawahiri, shrieking "Ich bin ein naughty boy!" and goosestepping across the stage. Turning serious, he admonished the crowd for their laughter. He said that the world had ignored the writings of Lenin and Hitler and "paid a terrible price".
"I mean, can you imagine how many crapped panties there were in Paris when the Wehrmacht rolled in? Now that's a dry-cleaning bill I wouldn't wanna get landed with!"
Hecklers would be dealt with curtly, as one young woman in the crowd found to her cost - after mocking a previous putdown with the words "Nice comeback, Mr. President!" Bush fixed her with a steely eye and growled in a low voice, "Missy, when I want my come back, I'll wipe it off your face."
Milking the laughter for a moment, he added "And give it a good Christian burial.""What's with these pro-abortion people?" he asked, closing his set. "My friends just can't agree where they stand on this debate, it's just so charged and divisive, the arguments just won't stop. I mean, what motivates them? Are they annoying idiots?".
Then, with a grin, "Or are they evil fucks?". The audience, shocked out of the palm of Bush's hand, exploded with laughter and applause.
This was Bush back at the height of his powers, whimsical, biting and raw. Watch out for him on a TV near you - on this kind of form, it doesn't look like there's any stopping him.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
"Each person in the trials was asked to give researchers names and phone numbers of four relatives or friends. These were then called at random and told to ring the subject who had to identify the caller before answering the phone.
"The hit rate was 45 percent, well above the 25 percent you would have expected," he told the annual meeting of the British Association for the Advancement of Science. "The odds against this being a chance effect are 1,000 billion to one."
He said he found the same result with people being asked to name one of four people sending them an e-mail before it had landed."
I'm no statistician, and it may just be an amazing coincidence, but I was scratching my bollocks at the exact second I clicked on that link.
Such a stark confluence of pre-emptive thought and scientific praxis cannot be overlooked.
In Which Flying Rodent Demonstates the Enormous Power of the Blogosphere
As you might imagine, the novel paradigm created by the advent of the new journalism caused my campaign to catch on like wildfire and a mass grassroots movement formed to pressure the judges into endorsing my choice.
Which is why the Arctic Monkeys strolled off as comfortable winners, despite my previous statement that " it would make their mums really proud if they won, but we live in a world where the hopes of wide-eyed children are often cruelly dashed."
How this can have happened I am unsure - I was led to believe that bloggers represented the great mass of humanity and that stridency was the sure key to the triumph of citizen journalism. It appears that I have been misled.
Nonetheless, in the aftermath of the ceremony, I am alarmed to notice that the BBC's website has been attacked by cackling gremlins convinced that the Arctic Monkeys are "the best band since Oasis" and that their album is "the best since Definitely Maybe".
I believe this is what American Republicans refer to as "the soft bigotry of low expectations". Referring to any band as being the "best since Oasis" is a bit like saying the film you just saw is "the best since Anaconda" or that the book you just finished was the best you've read since "A Time To Kill" by John Grisham.
I'll keep it brief - Oasis are deeply shit. If you like albums where almost all of the songs are in the same tempo and key and display the same utter contempt for the art of writing lyrics, this is the band for you. If you hate surprises, sudden shifts in tone, artistic progression and creativity, you need look no further.
They are the artistic equivalent that poster of the tennis player scratching her arse.
n.b. Normal posts resume tomorrow - social commitments have kept me from paying proper attention to this page.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Textspeak - The Nail In The Coffin Of The English Language
I understand that the English language evolves to suit the needs of those who use it, but I cannot for the life of me understand all those "r u gonna"s, ";)"s and "LOL"s.
Speaking of which, I have it on very good authority that, thirty years from now, humans will show amusement purely by saying "LOL" in a flat monotone while their faces remain completely slack and devoid of mirth.
Stand-up comics will become entirely more physical as they will spend much of their gigs miming shocked faces using O's and colons, drawing "smileys" in the air while the audience drone "LOL, LOL, LOL" at the stage.
I'm told it will be almost impossible to communicate in words that do not involve "2"s or "u"s, which I blame entirely on Sinead O'Connor.
Nonetheless, I've just received this text from an old friend in London, whom I have not spoken to in many a long year. Sadly, I can't decipher the text-code it's written in, so I must appeal for your assistance...
"Cnt tk n e mr, ths c t s doin my hed in. at wts end, kilin myslf only way out
:( gdby crl wrld."
I'm assuming he's having a ball, since he never seems to find time to call these days.
Update!: In another exciting development, I read in the comments section of an entirely funnier blog than this one that, by the year 2030, all human beings will be known by their first initial followed by the word "Dogg".
Gospel, since you heard if from the F-Dogg.
Also In Memoriam
A sad loss to the world of zoology and entertainment. Turn on your TV right now and you'll see some joyous arse who entirely merits meeting his or her end at the barb of a stingray, but they will live to be 90.
Only the good die young. Good snake-handlers and crocodile-wranglers particularly.
In Memoriam
I've taken the liberty of posting a pictorial representation, so that such people can be kept abreast of events.
Our thoughts must be with the family at this sad time.


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If throwback jerseys and caps are all the rage, then it's with great ease -- and some disappointment -- that I call a recent British release, The Grapple Manual, a throwback book.
By that, I mean that it is more than just about older stars, as stressed by its subtitle, Heroes and Villians from the Golden Age of World Wrestling.
Instead, it is almost kayfabe in its nature, protecting secrets and identities of some while exposing others.
Given the number of his photos in the book, it's appropriate to say that full-color, 80-page The Grapple Manual is the logical progression from photographer/writer George Napolitano's kayfabe classic books The Pictorial History of Wrestling: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, and Wrestling's Great Grudge Matches.
So what is The Grapple Manual?
It's a collection of short biographies on various wrestlers, with a distinctly British flare. The famed, masked British wrestler Kendo Nagasaki is allegedly the man behind the book; this is odd as Nagasaki (Peter Thornley of Staffordshire, England, not the guy who fought Jimmy Valiant a million times) has not spoken a word in public in 40 years. Talk about keeping up kayfabe! (And I say allegedly, as in real small print on the last page of the book, a gent named Rob Cope is credited with the "text" of the book.)
The strength of The Grapple Manual is absolutely the biographies on British stars like Count Bartelli, Giant Haystacks, Big Daddy, Mick McManus, Mark Rocco and, of course, Kendo Nagasaki. In some cases, the subjects themselves are interviewed. What there isn't, is any opinion from Nagasaki, who no doubt could have offered up something, revealing a little more about himself in the process. And there is undoubtedly a market for Nagasaki, as evidenced by the high ratings for a BB2 Arena documentary on his life.
There are even a few names that never penetrated the wrestling psyche across the Pond, like Catweazle, "Cry Baby" Jim Breaks and Klondyke Kate. The colourful descriptions of these characters left me wanting more. (But some of the colours and patterns in the backgrounds of the photos left my eyes aching.)
Unfortunately, someone along the way decided that it was important to include a few big names from the WWE. So what we get are insultingly-short bios on Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, Bret Hart, The Rock, Jake Roberts, Ric Flair , Randy Savage, and, for some bizarre reason (he died in the UK perhaps?), Yokozuna.
Instead of featuring those stars from North America, The Grapple Manual would have been better served by turning up the Brit-content. Where are The British Bulldogs (The Dynamite Kid and Davey Boy Smith)? William Regal? Billy Robinson? Even "Mr. TV" Jackie Pallo didn't make the cut.
So, in short, The Grapple Manual is a bit of a mish-mash. If you want to learn more about British wrestling, and don't have essentials like Simon Garfield's The Wrestling, it's a good place to start. But if you're buying it for the bios on the North American stars in it, you'd be better off spending a week going through the SLAM! Wrestling archives.
The Grapple Manual: Heroes and Villians from the Golden Age of World Wrestling is published by Weidenfeld & Nicolson, and is just available in the United Kingdom, with a list price of £7.99.
Greg Oliver founded SLAM! Wrestling with John Powell way back in
1996, and has been writing about pro wrestling since 1985. He can be emailed at firstname.lastname@example.com.


text:
- Williams
Bottas could become 'exceptional' - Smedley
Rob Smedley believes Valtteri Bottas' performance at the British Grand Prix demonstrated the potential he has to become one of F1's top drivers.
Bottas roared through the field early on - making up for a horrendous error of judgement from Williams in qualifying - to finish second, his highest career position and meaning he has now scored back-to-back podiums. Williams has held Bottas in high regard for a long time and head of vehicle performance Smedley says the Finn's stock is rising with every race.
"[At Silverstone] it came off as well as it could do, you couldn't really have hoped for anything more than that," Smedley said. "Has my opinion changed of him? Absolutely not, my opinion is growing of him week by week. I think that he is a very good driver and he could become an exceptional driver so we're lucky to have him.
"I think that he's a very, very good driver. He's a great driver. His racecraft is phenomenal and he's super-quick. The good thing about Valtteri is he's a young lad with his feet absolutely on the ground. He's not spoiled in any way shape or form, which is great - neither of our drivers are so they are very easy to work with.
"He's able to accept advice very readily, not only about the very basics but also about his racecraft and about how he communicates with us. I think [at Silverstone] the communication between him and the pit wall - the messages we sent him and the messages that came back - were exceptional. That's what you need, to have that level of synergy between driver and pit wall and that cohesion really between what we're all trying to achieve so that it's all going in exactly the right direction."
Bottas was faultless at Silverstone, with several of his early passing moves through Stowe which moved him through the field particularly pleasing the onlooking Smedley.
"I think what I would say is exciting - even for someone like me who tends not to get excited about stuff - was how quickly he caught all them cars and passed three of them round the outside. That was really good, there's not many things in Formula One that excites me but that was great.
"I was massively impressed. His racecraft was exceptional. The way that he approached cars, the way that the team helped him utilise the deployment of the ERS system to get the maximum power from the IC engine at all the right times. These are things that we now discuss in great detail before the race and make sure that when we get in to a situation we know exactly what we're going to do and just deploy a strategy and do it."


text:
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Rush hour queues are expected to build up around the A46 and Lincoln city centre but there are no reported closures or collisions currently.
All rail services are reported to be running to time.
Seen a delay? Get in touch.
Email email@example.com or let us know via Twitter @PaulFisheredit


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Follow Thi'sl on Twitter @thisl
and on FB facebook.com/iamthisl
"Beautiful Monster" in Stores Now!
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text:
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
(Ed. note — This photo is America. Thanks to Adam G. for the photo from Bills/Falcons.)
• Indianapolis-ish councilman Beurt SerVass demands the Colts repay the fans who paid money for tickets on Sunday. "To have all these people come down on a snowy night and have to pay (hundreds) for a ticket they want to see the Colts work," said SerVaas, who watched the game from home. "It really wasn't a football game. It was a spectacle and not a very nice spectacle."Colts' fans named Councilman Beurt Servass need to stick to fixing traffic lights and pot holes. [Indy Star]
• And more bad news from Indiana: Maurice Creek's knee is in a million little pieces. [MidWest Sports Fans]
• Yi Jianlian, giant Chinaman, continues to make the Nets interesting. [AP]
• Mike Tirico really, really wanted to show off what his kids bought him for Christmas. [The Sports Hernia]
Goooooood morning, inch-worms. It's Tuesday. Drop your socks, grab your smocks, and don't you dare feed us lies from the tablecloth — it's time to paint this thing called Deadspin.


text:
War Beckons
This post has been pulled, and an explanation will follow. Don't worry, we haven't been shut down. We're just working out the details of a new editorial process that I think will help with the consistency of the product. It's all part of that "Rules Which Must Be Followed" thing.


text:
PowerPlay Manager is a free-to-play online sports manager game. Currently you have the possibility to play hockey, soccer (football), handball and basketball. You can create your own team and make your dream about managing a sporting club come true. Realistic game simulators will test your coaching skills against the opposition. Selecting the right players and tactics, creating the right lineup and setting up the players' practice are the keys to success in this game. Apart from that you will also be responsible for building up the arena and facilities of the club and, of course, managing the finances. You will have to master all of these things if you want to achieve success among managers from all over the world.
The game does not require any installation, a powerful computer or a fast connection and you can play it for free. Moreover, you can watch the games of your team in a thrilling live broadcast. PowerPlay Manager is unique because it offers you the opportunity to manage teams in more sports with one user account. The plan is to develop a total of nine sports (hockey, soccer, handball, tennis, formula, basketball, biathlon, volleyball and baseball)


text:
TemptationsFavorites [+]
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In an effort to encourage studios to send us their newest and best movies as close to their street release dates as possible, we must offer certain titles at a premium rate. Other content is placed at a premium rate because studios consider those videos to be rare, hard to find or special in some other way. While many premium titles revert to the regular price over time, some studios with rare content, require us to keep their content at premium prices for even longer. Movies at less than 1.0x rate are a limited time special discount streaming rate.
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Running Time: 88 minutes
Released: 08/2016
Studio Name: X-Art
Categories: Euro All Sex Glamour For Ladies High Definition
Description: Passion awaits as these lovely girls get swept off their feet in the name of lust. Their bodies are too hot to handle. The temptations are too strong to resist!
6 Scenes from Temptations
Temptations: Scene 1 Free Preview
Starring: Julie ... More Details
Stars: Julie
Sex Acts: Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex
Positions: Cowgirl, Kneeling, Laying, Reverse Cowgirl
Temptations: Scene 2 Free Preview
Starring: Abby C. ... More Details
Stars: Abby C.
Sex Acts: Oral Sex, Bondage, Vaginal Sex, Handjob, Masturbation, Anal Sex
Positions: Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Sitting, Standing, Standing Doggy Style
Settings: Office
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Starring: Candice Love ... More Details
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Sex Acts: Oral Sex, Masturbation, Vaginal Sex
Positions: Doggy Style, Laying, Missionary
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Starring: Iwia ... More Details
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Sex Acts: Footplay, Showering/Bathing, Masturbation, Vaginal Sex
Positions: Doggy Style, Laying, Reverse Cowgirl
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Starring: Julie ... More Details
Stars: Julie
Sex Acts: Oral Sex, Masturbation, Breast Play, Vaginal Sex
Positions: Doggy Style, Laying, Missionary, Standing
Temptations: Scene 6 Free Preview
Starring: Candice Love ... More Details
Stars: Candice Love
Sex Acts: Masturbation
Settings: Living Room
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AEBN Cams


text:
Airbnb, the startup darling and innovator of the peer-to-peer home vacation market, has a history of legal trouble. It all started last year, when a handful of horror stories went viral. Users said they'd had their homes trashed and defiled, information stolen, and complained that Airbnb's response was less than satisfactory.
But the company stepped up to the plate, issuing a mea culpa heard 'round the Internet, and increasing security controls. Airbnb also recently introduced its $1 million insurance guarantee, a reassuring effort for all of the renters out there nervous about the threat of damages.
Destroyed homes aside, there are a couple of much bigger problems looming in the shadows for Airbnb – and they start with your landlord and continue on to zoning laws.
Playing the blame game
A recent story from a power Airbnb host detailed how his landlord served him papers for renting out his rented apartment using the site.
This got me thinking about the one and only reason I've never signed up to be an Airbnb host. I've rented rooms, homes, and even a tugboat-turned-houseboat with the help of the site, with generally very positive experiences. And given that I travel fairly often and live in downtown Portland, Oregon, I've considered clicking the site's prompt to list my apartment several times. What always stopped me is the fact that I don't own my apartment, and I never could quite believe that it was legal for me to make money off a place that my landlord owns.
Lo and behold, Airbnb's Terms of Service have some pretty interesting language about this very issue. "Airbnb's responsibilities are limited to: (i) facilitating the availability of the Site, Application and Services and (ii) serving as the limited agent of each Host for the purpose of accepting payments from Guests on behalf of the Host."
Alright, so basically what Airbnb is saying is we have this platform, do with it what you will. The marketplace, that's on us. The activity you create on it, that's on you.
And there are some more detailed references to landlord-leasee rights:
"You acknowledge and agree that you are responsible for any and all Listings you post. Accordingly, you represent and warrant that any Listing you post and the booking of, or Guest stay at, an Accommodation in a Listing you post (i) will not breach any agreements you have entered into with any third parties and (ii) will a) be in compliance with all applicable laws, Tax requirements, and rule and regulations that may apply to any Accommodation included in a Listing you post, including, but not limited to, zoning laws and laws governing rentals of residential and other properties and b) not conflict with the rights of third parties. Please note that Airbnb assumes no responsibility for a Host's compliance with any applicable laws, rules and regulations."
When I reached out to ask Airbnb about illegal subletting, I was pointed back to the TOS. "This is clearly explained in the Terms of Services section on the Airbnb Website," the company says. "Additionally we remind hosts in our Hosting Manual as well as other FAQs on the site that they need to be compliant with any contracts they have. Most tenants know whether they have the right to sublet their apartment or not; they likely know how their landlord will regard renting on Airbnb."
There are plenty of property owners using the site to rent out their places. The problem is that, in most cases, renters using the site to host people are breaking their rental agreements. Real estate attorney Joshua Price tells me that the majority of leases have a clause prohibiting subletting – which is, essentially, what Airbnb facilitates – without a landlord's consent. There are exceptions to this rule, and he mentions that in New York there is a statute giving renters a loophole around such clauses. Airbnb says there are currently no numbers on how many hosts rent or own their properties on the site.
The illegal subletting evolution: From Craigslist to Airbnb
While many renters using Airbnb might be operating outside the law, this is hardly something the Airbnb platform is responsible for. Check any Craigslists apartment and housing section and you're sure to find a number of people trying to find subletters. The reasons are many: college kids who are going home for the summer and don't want to fork over the rent while their apartments sit empty (which I've done); anyone who decided to fill up that extra room with a new roommate but was too lazy to add them to the lease (also, see me in college); frequent travelers who for some reason like to keep an apartment for the brief intervals between their vacations (unfortunately not me).
The difference is that Craigslist, if you want it to be, is anonymous. You don't even have to provide your own contact information or any photos, if you really don't want to. Yes, it's entirely possible that if your landlord happened upon your post seeking a subletter (the more information you provide, the more likely this is), you could find yourself in hot water. But compared to the plethora of info Airbnb requires from its hosts, Craigslist is a veritable wasteland.
Not only are you encouraged to add as many high-res photos as possible (or take advantage of the professional photography Airbnb can supply), but for safety reasons you need to identify yourself. Which makes total sense: Every time I've used Airbnb, I've done a decent amount of research on my hosts, making sure I wasn't going to become a cautionary tale.
Airbnb wants to help its hosts advertise well and make them money, and you can't fault the company for that. And for all of the property owners using the platform, that's great – but renters are just giving visibility to their illegal activity. Don't think your landlord knows about Airbnb? I'd think again: The site has blown up over the last year. It's not highly likely you'll get caught, but every day you're taking a greater risk as the site's popularity grows. I asked my own landlord what she thought of Airbnb – she loves it and uses it to find vacation rentals all the time. She also tells me, however, that she rents out properties in three different states and all of her contracts contain no subletting agreements.
Landlords are going to (and are beginning to) grow wise to this game and start checking the site for their own properties. And that's where you can get in trouble.
There are two questions we need to ask here, one of them being more of a stretch than the other. First: Is Airbnb acting as an enabler in all this? The site has provided a platform allowing us to monetize the space we (to varying degrees) live in without putting any language front and center about the fact that we might be breaking the law. Of course, that isn't Airbnb's fault exactly. If you choose to rent out your extra bedroom, your landlord sees it, and you get yours, then according to the terms of service, that's your problem. And there are plenty of online platforms that could be used to break the law. As long as that's not their intended use, though, it will come back to the user every time.
Still, I find it rather alarming that any notice about your contract with your landlord is buried in the terms of service. Would it kill Airbnb to have a prompt when you try to list your unit, asking what your ownership situation is? The site already has a few available checks and balances front and center, but none of them refer to this specific question.
It's really easy to blame Airbnb in all this. But that's analogous to blaming torrent sites for piracy, even though many also host plenty of legal activity. Which raises the second, bigger question: Because it provides the marketplace, is Airbnb responsible for what users are doing there?


text: On Fri, 24 Oct 2008, Joe Landman wrote: > Don't know if there is interest here, but HPCwire has their annual readers > choice awards. Unfortunately they don't have a category for RGB, but they > should. Here is the linky to the blog entry ... > http://www.hpcwire.com/blogs/2008_HPCwire_Readers_Choice_Nominations_Are_Open.html Awe, surely I could be "Best HPC software product or technology" (rgb-bot, after all:-). Or maybe "Best HPC cluster solution" -- "Ask rgb..." ;-) More seriously, the missing category isn't for me, it is for this list. They should have a category for "Best HPC education/support service". rgb > > Vote early ... no seriously, they close shortly ... > > > -- Robert G. Brown Phone(cell): 1-919-280-8443 Duke University Physics Dept, Box 90305 Durham, N.C. 27708-0305 Web: http://www.phy.duke.edu/~rgb Book of Lilith Website: http://www.phy.duke.edu/~rgb/Lilith/Lilith.php Lulu Bookstore: http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=877977


text:
I have a theory, and I'm betting it's gonna be a tough one to argue with. See, used to be that in an effort to stir up buzz about their latest project, actors would actually talk about, well, their latest project. But these days, they seem more hell-bent on talking about another project: The Fifty Shades of Grey movie! And their potential involvement with it. Even just the slightest hint that they may be interested to a vague remark that we could take to mean they've actually been in talks for a leading role. Ridic!
And the latest actor to pull this silly schtick is Eddie Redmayne from The Other Boleyn Girl, My Week With Marilyn, and most recently, Les Miserables. When chatting with Marie Claire about the possible chance to play Christian Grey, he quoted Justin Bieber: "Never say never!" Oh geeeeeze.
Like many actors before him, Redmayne admitted he hasn't read the series, but he did confess he -- like everyone else who hasn't been living under a rock for the past six months -- has heard about it. The exact entire quote:
I know there's a huge amount of hype around it [the movie] so I definitely never say never. I've heard so much about this book I see people reading it on the tube, and I'm always really impressed that they're reading it on the tube, because it's kind of kinky... I'm thinking, 'What, are you getting off on on the tube?' I've not read it myself.
Oh boy. Well, to be fair, the 30-year-old Brit has gotten high praise for his acting skills since he first kicked off his career as a kid. He could pick up awards for Best Supporting Actor next year his performance in Les Mis. And he even has a tiny personal connection to Fifty Shades: In E.L. James' novel, Grey gives Anastasia a first-edition copy of the Thomas Hardy novel Tess of the D'Urbervilles. Redmayne starred as Angel Clare in a 2008 television mini-series based on that novel.
That said, could Redmayne pull off the coveted role of Christian Grey? Ehhhhh, not so much. Sorry to say, but he's simply lacking that je nais c'est quoi the winning actor simply must have. Maybe it's that he seems too ... nice. Boy next door. And a little geeky. I'm not even seeing where he might fit into another role in the film.
Poor Eddie. He's just the latest proof that media/publicists/fans encouraging every flippin' actor under 35 to think they should or could play Christian Grey is a HORRID mistake. Let's not put ideas in their heads unless they're someone we could actually see in the role ... amirite?!
Are you sick of actors expressing mild interest in playing Christian Grey just to give their current project a boost? How do you feel about Eddie Redmayne as a possible Christian?
Image via Sharky/Splash News