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So Far Gone – Drake – 7 The full original version of Drake's 2009 mixtape has been released on streaming … More
Tag: mixtape
Live Love A$AP
Live Love A$AP – A$AP Rocky – 8 One of the most revered and popular mixtapes in recent memory, Live, … More
DUMMY BOY – 6ix 9ine – 4.5 Dummy Boy is the latest project from Instagram personality and part time rap … More
Slime Season
Slime Season – Young Thug – 8 The first entry in Atlanta trap superstar Young Thug's Slime Season mixtape series. … More
FM! – Vince Staples – 7 Here we are, halfway through November and Vince Staples drops a summer themed project. … More
Bastard – Tyler, The Creator – 8.3 Odd Future talisman Tyler, The Creator's first official mixtape Bastard is structured as … More
POISON – Swizz Beatz – 7.6 Poison is the new album from super producer Swizz Beatz and his gang of … More
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King, Vol 1:Knowledge Is Never Granted
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It's astounding, says gay educator Steve LeBel, talking about the BC Supreme Court's recent ruling in Azmi Jubran vs the North Vancouver school board.
Last year, BC's human rights tribunal held the board responsible for failing to stop years of homophobic attacks against Jubran while he was a student at Handsworth high school. The tribunal also told the board to take proactive steps to wipe homophobia out of its district, rather than continuing to respond on a case-by-case basis.
Now, that ruling has been overturned-and LeBel is worried.
In his Jan 2 ruling, BC Supreme Court Justice Allan Stewart acknowledges that Jubran's "high school years were a living hell" and that his tormentors specifically launched homophobic attacks, reflecting their hatred of all things homosexual. But, Stewart says, Jubran is not entitled to protection under BC's human rights act because he is not gay and his attackers claim they didn't see him as gay.
That's too narrow a reading of human rights law, argues John Fisher, the executive director of Egale, Canada's national gay lobby group.
Courts and tribunals are supposed to interpret human rights law as broadly as possible, Fisher explains. The role of the judge is to "maximize" human rights protections, including protection against sexual orientation-based discrimination, under section eight of BC's code.
The reality is, Jubran endured a campaign of homophobic harassment, no matter how he identifies, Fisher concludes.
LeBel agrees. Just because Jubran doesn't identify as gay doesn't mean he wasn't repeatedly gay-bashed, he told Xtra West a few months ago. "The core issue is that the harassment occurs."
This was more than just general bullying, concurs Jubran, exhausted after his long nightmare. "I was specifically called gay, faggot, queer, homo." And on at least one occasion, the kids specifically referred to their attacks as gay-bashing, Jubran adds.
The fact that Jubran's attackers later told the tribunal they never really believed that Jubran was gay, is no excuse, Fisher says. If attackers can simply say 'gee, we didn't think he was gay' after the fact, "it's essentially open season" on young queers throughout the school system.
"This is a disastrous ruling for youth seeking a harassment-free environment in schools," he continues.
Lesbian lawyer barbara findlay agrees. "I think this is a very dangerous judgement," she says. "It creates not just a loophole but a barn door through which anyone can pass simply by saying, 'I thought he was straight.'"
That's just one of the reasons Fisher is hoping Jubran will challenge the ruling. This is bad law, he says, pledging Egale's support if Jubran appeals.
Jubran isn't sure what he wants to do next. He was contemplating his options and waiting to talk to his lawyer, Clea Parfitt, when he spoke to Xtra West on Jan 13. Parfitt was out of town when the ruling came out and could not be reached for comment.
Jubran can't help but feel disheartened by the whole ordeal. "I can't even put it in words, really," he sighs. "I feel I'm no better off than when I filed [my complaint with the tribunal in 1996.] It's sad."
This ruling is going to have a "chilling effect" throughout the BC school system, Fisher predicts. For one thing, it's telling queer and questioning students that they're not entitled to protection from homophobic harassment unless they're willing and able to come out to the people tormenting them.
"Don't you find that chilling?" asks LeBel. "I think it's perverse."
The Jan 2 ruling also quashes the tribunal's finding that school boards are responsible for taking proactive steps to eliminate homophobia and ensure their schools are discrimination-free.
The BC Supreme Court just let school boards off the hook, LeBel says in disgust.
Fisher shares his concern. It's important to place "a higher onus on school boards than simply relying on their good will," he says. There's a big difference between ordering school boards to fight homophobia and allowing them to address it only if they feel like it.
Jane Bouey agrees. The newly elected COPE trustees on the Vancouver school board is worried that some school boards may take the new ruling as an excuse not to address homophobia.
Still, Bouey, who is queer, takes heart in a memo released shortly after the ruling by BC's School Trustees Association. In it, the Vancouver-based association urges its members not to disregard the message of responsibility put forth by the initial tribunal ruling.
"It is not enough that school authorities deal with bullying and homophobic incidents as they arise," reads the memo. "School boards are expected to address these issues in a broader and more proactive way, including clear communication to students of behavioural expectations."
But, Bouey admits, the association's position is not binding on its member school boards. This is just a recommendation, she says. "School boards can have whatever position they want on it." And hostile boards probably won't be swayed by it, she adds.
That's why Bouey thinks the time has come for the government to step in. If the BC Supreme Court won't tell school boards to wipe homophobia out of their schools, the provincial government should.
The time is especially right at this moment, she notes, because the Safe Schools Task Force, led by gay MLA Lorne Mayencourt, is planning to present its recommendations for improving school safety to the government by the end of January.
One recommendation Bouey would like to see is a directive to all BC schools to specifically cite homophobia as a prohibited form of discrimination in their codes of conduct.
"We need to be doing as much [as possible] pro-actively to ensure that these sorts of instances do not take place," she says.
Mayencourt says he agrees that the government should step in if the court's new ruling overturned the tribunal's original finding on school board responsibility. But, he says, he can't reveal what recommendations the task force is going to make until he presents them to caucus in a few weeks.
The Vancouver-Burrard MLA will say that the issue of homophobia came up again and again during the task force's consultations.
"People want us to address homophobia across the board," he says. They want to see more teacher sensitivity training, more curriculum inclusion and anti-discrimination policies that address homophobia "directly and head-on."
When asked if British Columbians can look forward to seeing these suggestions among the task force's official recommendations, Mayencourt pauses. "I am cautiously optimistic," he replies.
Meanwhile, the North Vancouver school board at the centre of the storm says the BC Supreme Court's ruling won't de-rail the anti-bullying program it implemented after the tribunal decision.
"We have all learned from that [experience]," says Richard White, chair of the North Vancouver school trustees. "Our school district, and I think school districts across the province, recognize that you can't stop and rest on your laurels. You have to innovate."
But, when asked if the new anti-bullying program specifically mentions homophobia, White falls silent. "Um, I would have to look at the text," he eventually replies.
Several minutes later, he admits that the new program still doesn't address homophobia directly.
When asked if, after all the homophobic harassment Jubran endured and the school board's attempts to challenge him in court, it might be important to signal to students that a new, gay-friendly era has dawned, White says no.
"The message we're sending them is that all forms of verbal harassment are unacceptable," he insists.
That's not enough, says findlay and many other gay and lesbian education activists. Students and teachers need to be taught explicitly that homophobia counts as harassment and that it will not be tolerated.
For Jubran, the answer comes back to holding school boards responsible for eliminating homophobia and making their schools discrimination-free.
"If schools were responsible for these acts, I almost guarantee you will not see anything like what happened to me," he says. But until they are pressured to respond, many won't do anything about it.
And that's sad, he concludes. "No one deserves to have to go through [what I went through]. We are there to learn."
'Disastrous ruling' for queer students
Government may have to take lead: Mayencourt
It's astounding, says gay educator Steve LeBel, talking about the BC Supreme Court's recent ruling in Azmi Jubran vs the North Vancouver school board.

subset: commoncrawl


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Urban Fashion photo shoot in Notting Hill LondonMay 27 2018
- Fashion & Beauty
- Last Updated on 28 May 2018
- Monica Costa
There's nothing better on a warm and sunny Spring day than walking in Notting Hill with the most talented photographer in West London to do a urban fashion photo shoot. Spring brings me always lust for new clothes, new colours, new styles and more space in my wardrobe for different dresses. I never thought I would look good in urban fashion outfits with my hourglass figure but Aida Llanos made me feel really special and captured the best of me. She is definitely my favourite photographers of all time: so talented, so creative and yet humble and kind. I wouldn't have chosen anybody else for this photo shoot.
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Summer Fashion for action kidsMay 19 2018
- Fashion & Beauty
- Last Updated on 20 May 2018
- Monica Costa
My 11 year old son is super active and sporty and he really loves only comfortable clothes. I need to look in the fashion for action kids section. But as a mum I like to see him dressed in pretty outfits. So it's been a blessing to have been gifted amazing new active kidswear from the TV explorer and adventurer Steve Backshall range by Mountain Warehouse, an adventure backpack by Osprey and new Kickers' shoes. Here's Diego posing as my model for this unusual fashion shoot.
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Beauty trends: Endless gym time or CoolSculpting (fat freezing treatment)? – that is the questionJan 25 2018
- Fashion & Beauty
- Last Updated on 24 January 2018
- Monica Costa
Endless gym time or CoolSculpting (fat freezing treatment)? – that is the question.
It is re-known that by mid January most people have already given up on their new year's resolutions, which usually involve going to the gym and stop eating and drinking… Sounds familiar, London Mums? It does to me… Well, it's been even proven by a recent study commissioned by the social network for athletes Strava that has confirmed that January 12th was officially the Quitters' Day, the day when most people's motivation begins to falter.


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text: Chris Thomas King is from Baton Rouge. His father is Tabby Thomas, who is presently in the hospital from a car accident. Chris added the "King" to his name, not much to his dad's liking, but that "King" name is certainly steeped in tradition. When Chris is home, he always sits in at his dad's club "Tabby's Blues Box" in BR. Very nice unassuming guy, almost shy, and can play any style of music. His "21st Century" was long in the disliking, and now seems to be hitting more since O Brother and Tommy Johnson. hoodoojimmy (playing tonight with Lil' Ray Neal, and writing a review of Keb Mo at HOB tomorrow night.) ----- Original Message ----- From: <firstname.lastname@example.com> To: <email@example.com> Sent: Friday, October 04, 2002 7:44 AM Subject: Re: Chris Thomas King: Dirty South Hip-Hop Blues CD > In a message dated 10/3/02 9:36:44 PM Central Daylight Time, > firstname.lastname@example.com writes: > > > > But lo and behold, after wading through some uninteresting (imho) > > tracks------I locked on to the tune "Revelations" with elements of Son > > House > > doing John The Revelator mixed with Chris Thomas King on vocals and > > instrumentation. Damn tasty, indeed! Following that is another winner > > titled "Ghetto Life" with others including "Dirty South Chicken Heads" and > > "Southern Chicks Blues" as well. > > > > > > I met and saw Chris do a solo acoustic set in Ft. Smith blues festival a > couple three years back...he did mostly blues and was well received after the > show. I went over and introduced myself. He was a very cordial mild > mannered young fellow who invited me to email him, which i did later and he > even answered. As i recall Chris' roots are steeped in Blues tradition and > if i have my facts straight (it's been a few years now) he said his dad had a > club in Louisiana and there were always blues guys around the house, i > believe he mentioned Gatemouth Brown as a close family friend. > > Personally too i kinda wish Chris would stay with the blues, (but then i'm an > old fogey) and leave the hip-hop to the side. He is aware that his "2001" > blues music is controversial and not well received in the blues community but > i figure it's and artistic thing and the nature of popular music and the > tradition of the blues is that it changes and adapts to the times. So go on > Chris and use that "artistic license" to take us places no one has dared to > go before, but remember us "old fogeys" and do a couple tunes for us now and > again. And remember you're welcome to "come on home" (to the blues) any time > you're ready. > > chefo > > > > NetSpace LISTSERV(R) software donated by L-Soft, Inc. http://www.lsoft.com > NetSpace LISTSERV(R) software donated by L-Soft, Inc. http://www.lsoft.com


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Russia's story is evolving at a rapid pace, and nowhere is this intermingling of the ancient and the avant-garde more apparent than in its two largest metropolises, Moscow and St Petersburg. This carefully crafted Moscow and St Petersburg Tour itinerary tells the tale of two cities – Moscow, the source of Eastern political, economic and spiritual influence, and St Petersburg – Russia's cultural epicentre and window to Western Europe. During this fabulous 9 day Moscow and St Petersburg tour, you'll stay in some of the country's most stylish, centrally located urban hotels. Discover Moscow and St Petersburg plus a portion of the historical Golden Ring route by plush private transport. Travel business class on the high speed Sapsan train between Moscow and St Petersburg and spoil yourself even more with a choice of optional activities including a sublime night out at the opera or ballet at the Bolshoi Theatre, a luxurious Moscow dinner cruise and an evening of classical music at one of St Petersburg's beautiful palaces turned concert halls.
Trip style
St Petersburg
4* hotels
City Sightseeing
Action rating
Group size
Type of tour
9 days / 8 nights
Private - Any Date
Welcome to Moscow, the monumental capital of Russia! On arrival at the airport, you'll be met by your driver and transferred to your centrally located hotel. Spend the rest of the day relaxing or getting acquainted with the local area on your own.
For this evening we've booked a table for you and your travel partners at one of the finest restaurants in the world and the most famous gastronomic attraction in Moscow – White Rabbit. Enjoy contemporary take on traditional cuisine while immersed in 360-degree views of the majestic Russian capital.
Our Moscow discovery starts with a walking tour of historical city centre. Meet your knowledgeable guide at the hotel lobby and embark on a tour of Moscow's main attractions including the Red Square, the State Historical Museum, GUM (a luxurious shopping centre), the colourful Saint Basil's Cathedral and other sights.
Almost every building in the historical centre of Moscow is associated with legendary events and celebrated personalities of Russian history and culture. See and hear the stories behind some of the most beloved places in the city.
The Red Square, the hub of Russia, with its fantastic "stone flower" - St Basil Cathedral, and the fanciful Manezhnaya Square where you'll find the Zero Kilometre, a starting point for all Moscow roads. At Alexander's Garden, an eternal flame serves as a moving WW2 memorial, and there's a chance to watch a changing of the guards.
Have a delicious lunch (self-paid) in Dr. Zhivago restaurant on Tverskaya Street overlooking the Kremlin. In this Moscow institution, vintage art pieces are organically woven into a modern interior for a sophisticated spin on Soviet era nostalgia.
After lunch, your day continues with a tour of the Kremlin and Armoury Chamber, a former residence of the Russian tsars. After the 1917 Revolution it was the centre of operations for the USSR and today serves the seat of the Russian President and a unique cultural museum complex consisting of monuments, palaces and cathedrals. A tour of the grounds will take you to sights like the Assumption Cathedral, where tsars and emperors were crowned. The Archangel Cathedral was the burial vault of the tsars until the 18th century. You will get to meet the two prominent Russian tsars in person - the Tsar Bell and the Tsar Cannon, the largest medieval cannon in the world.
While touring the Kremlin, you will also visit Armoury Chamber, famous for its Tsarist regalia such as jewellery, crowns, clothing orbs and sceptres. The collection contains royal carriages, an impressive display of arms and armour and gifts to the Russian Tsars from various leaders of the East and West, as well as an illustrious assortment of Faberge Easter eggs.
Take your time to relax as we prepare something special as an option* for this evening. After dinner at your hotel, we head out for an unforgettable night at the opera or the Russian ballet at the iconic Bolshoi Theatre. The Bolshoi's resident opera and ballet troupes rate among the finest in the world, and many consider this experience alone to be worth the trip to Moscow.
Today we explore the city further, giving you a sense of the city's sheer size, and an impression of how Moscow has changed throughout the ages. Start with a tour of the 19th century Tretyakov State Gallery, the world's foremost depositary of Russian fine art, containing over 130,000 exhibits, with work by Rublev, Kandinsky, Repin and many others. We'll get to the gallery via a Metro Tour, stopping on the way to marvel at some of the most elaborately decorated stations of the world famous Moscow subway system.
Next, you'll visit the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour, one of the most important churches in Russia. Beside the cathedral is a bridge with fantastic views of this part of the city. Next, we explore the Red October district, and a vibrant hangout for Moscow's youth, with its old industrial alleyways and lovingly restored courtyards lined with chic cafes, designer studios and galleries.
After a lunch break, the second half of the day consists of a wandering sojourn through some of Moscow's most famous streets and squares. Walk through Lubyanskaya Square, the notorious former headquarters of the KGB. Next, visit the starkly contrasting Theatre Square to see the stunning Bolshoi Theatre. Stroll along Tverskaya and Nikolskaya streets, the city's main boulevard and home to the landmark Yeleseyevskiy Grocery Store, a former palace turned luxury providore. We'll also explore Boulevard Ring, where Russian nobles built their exquisite 18th and 19th century mansions, and Kutuzoyskiy Avenue with its Triumphal Arch.
Driving through the new business district, we'll enjoy a panoramic drive along the Mosvka River, where a huge, controversial state of Peter the Great was erected. Pass by the legendary Gorky Park and the White House before a stop at the architecturally stunning Novodevichy Convent, and the observation platform at Sparrow Hills, for a bird's eye view over this staggering megalopolis.
As an option*, we suggest you spend this night on a sumptuous cruise, taking in the sights and sounds of this mesmerising city by night. The 2.5 hours cruise sails past some of the city's most remarkable landmarks. Drinks are included, as well as live musical accompaniment every Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
Today we'll travel to the rural provinces north of Moscow to check out one of the most famous towns on the historical Golden Ring circuit, Sergiev Posad, located 75km to the northeast of Moscow.
The spiritual heart of the Orthodox Church, Sergiev Posad is known as the Russian Vatican thanks to the gleaming blue and gold cupolas scattered all around the town. After reaching the city, you will be stroke by the difference of the architecture and way of life. Our afternoon will include a visit to the resplendent Trinity Lavra, dedicated to Russia's patron saint. Built in 1423, the working monastery is a UNESCO World Heritage site, with a cathedral brimming with works by many of Russia's greatest religious painters.
Sergiev Posad is also the birthplace of matryoshka, known in the west as the Russian doll or babushka. You can see some rare nesting dolls and other wooden toys and dolls in the town's Toy Museum or do some matryoshka shopping in the market square near the monastery gates.
Lunch will be served at the Russian Courtyard café-restaurant, before our trip back to Moscow. After our arrival, we'll board a Sapsan – a Russian high-speed train – which will speed us on to our next destination, St Petersburg, completing the 700km journey in just four hours. On arrival in St Petersburg, you'll be transferred straight to your centrally located hotel.
Meet your St Petersburg guide in the lobby and begin your discovery of Russia's 'Cultural Capital' with a walking tour of the city's most popular attractions. Your walking tour will include Nevsky Prospect, St. Petersburg's fanciful high street, the Anichokov Bridge and Palace, viewpoints over the Fontaka and Moika rivers, St. Isaac's Cathedral, Palace Square and the Senate Square, with its bronze horseman monument to Peter the Great and the Church of the Spilled Blood.
You'll also get the chance to stroll the grounds of the magnificent Peter and Paul Fortress on the banks of the Lena River, a burial place for the Russian emperors from Peter the Great to Nicholas II.
Take time out for lunch at one of the myriad restaurants and cafes on Nevsky Prospect. We suggest Mamalyga, whose gastronomic ideology is about introducing its guests to the distinctive and delicious Caucasian cuisines, including Georgian, Imeretian, Armenian, Gurian, Megrel, Svan and Adzharia.
Next, relax on a boat ride along canals of St Petersburg. Nicknamed the "Venice of the North" the city is bound together by a complex network of rivers, canals, channels and islands that also mark the borders of St Petersburg's varying districts and neighbourhoods. You'll gain a different perspective of St. Petersburg's majestic buildings, ornate palaces and grand architectural landmarks of the imperial age.
As an option* for this evening, we invite you to experience an evening of classical music at one of St. Petersburg's beautiful palaces. Take a seat in the magnificent Hall of the Palace, then, lose yourself in much-loved works by Russian composers such as Tchaikovsky, Shostakovich and others, played by one of the world class orchestras of St Petersburg. Before the raising of the curtains, enjoy an interesting pre-concert tour of the palace's halls and a glass of sparkling wine.
Today we'll take a a day trip (5 hours) to the UNESCO World Heritage listed Peterhof (Petrodvorets). Travelling by fast boat, we'll avoid the rush hour traffic and take in fine scenery along the riverbanks. Peterhof was once the opulent summer resort of the Romanovs. Today, it is a huge open-air museum and a testament to Peter the Great's contribution to the city's development. Peter's daughter, Empress Elizabeth, who ordered the expansion of the Grand Palace, greatly extended the park and its famous system of fountains, including the immense Grand Cascade.
Learn about Peter the Great's maritime passions and plans for his seafront estate. Admire the palace's grand interiors, including the Throne Room and the White Dining Room. Then, take a walking tour around the fountain-adorned Lower Park.
In the afternoon, enjoy a self-guided tour of the recently opened Faberge Museum, a private collection of over 4,000 Faberge Eggs and other bejewelled objects of desire, elegantly displayed inside the stunning Shuvalov Palace.
Today starts with a walk to the Palace Square to admire the grand designs of the Tsar's Winter Palace, now a part of the State Hermitage Museum complex. You'll be treated to a very special private tour of the Hermitage (4 hours), allowing you to ask as many questions as you like while exploring the colossal exhibitions on display. Considered one of the greatest art museums in the world, it preserves over three million precious objects from the Stone Age to the 20th century, including the largest collection of paintings in the world. Housed here are works by classical European masters like Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Raphael, Veronese and Tintoretto, as well as a gallery of Impressionist and Post-Impressionist artists.
As an afternoon option* embark on a tour of Konstantinovsky Palace, the revived residence of Grand Dukes of the House of Romanovs. The architecturally dominant structure now known as the National Congress Palace is located on the picturesque coast of the Gulf of Finland, less than 20km from St Petersburg's city centre. The palace is surrounded by parks which are decorated with an inimitable ensemble of fountains, canals, draw bridges and splendid rosaries. Today, the interiors serve as an exhibit for Russian painting, decorative and applied arts of the XVIII-XX centuries including a world-famous collection of M. Rostropovich and G. Vishnevskaya. At the grottos of Konstantin Palace is a cellar housing one of the greatest collection of elite wines in the world. The palace is surrounded by the park, extending to the coast of the Gulf of Finland. The state-of-the-art complex is used official visits of heads of state and has hosted the G20 and G8 summits.
Experience the extravagance of the Imperial rulers on an excursion to the suburban estates of the Romanov Tsars. Tsarskoye Selo (Tsar's village) is now part of the nearby town of Pushkin and is one of Saint Petersburg's finest attractions. Amid exquisite parks and gardens you'll find the baroque Catherine Palace, a dazzling testament to Catherine's love of luxury and royal excess. Envision Catherine strolling with her beloved dogs through acres of private gardens, where remarkable structures like the Marble Bridge, the Dutch Admiralty and the Creaking Pagoda were constructed for her amusement. We also explore the neoclassical Alexander Palace, whose tumultuous history paints a fascinating portrait of the Romanov family and the replica of the world-renowned Amber Room.
We'll also visit Pavlovsk Palace and Park, commissioned by Catherine as the summer residence of her son, Emperor Paul I. Unlike its stately counterparts, the Pavlovsk Palace does not feel official at all and has the aura of a country mansion. The 600-hectare park is one of the largest landscaped parks in Europe and undoubtedly one of the most beautiful parks in the world. The park is decorated by statues, monuments and bridges, and is home to several architectural pavilions creating an atmosphere of classic romanticism.
During the second part of the day, tour Yusupov Palace on the Moika River, best known as the scene of the assassination of Rasputin. Having survived much of the WWII destruction that wreaked havoc on many of St Petersburg's suburbs, it's one of the area's few aristocratic homes to have retained much of its original character.
For our final evening in St Petersburg, we have booked a table at the newly opened Birch restaurant, which showcases European cuisine with an inspired Asian touch.
Today you'll be transferred to the airport, as our Moscow and Saint Petersburg tour has come to an end. We hope you'll taking a little piece of the Russian spirit home with you, as you farewell this beautiful country, until next time!
Centrally located 4* hotels (twin/double occupancy), can be upgraded to 5*:
Breakfasts at the hotel
Local licensed English-speaking tour guides, professional drivers
Russian visa support documents.
*Russian visa can be arranged by 56th Parallel for an additional cost (for Australian citizens only). Apply for comprehensive visa service here.
Flights, travel insurance, visa, optional excursions, individual transfers, tips
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Private Tour
Rosalyn and Geoffrey DidierAustralia
Charles HardemanUSA
Allon FaulAustralia
Whether it's the main sites you're interested in seeing or getting a taste of the local life, they will tailor your trip with the utmost professionalism, friendliness and fun. My experience began when I was collected from the airport in Moscow and transferred to my hotel, where I was greeted by Olga. Her enthusiasm and charm was instantly apparent and made me feel very welcome and comfortable.
Natalie & Alex PetukhAustralia
Jamie McIntyreAustralia
Immerse yourself in the art, history and culture of Russia and explore the contrasting styles of Moscow and St Petersburg in just one week. Experience the iconic landmarks of ...
This handcrafted Moscow tour is perfectly planned weekend exploration of Russia capital's most famous tourist attractions. You will enjoy a panoramic tour of this ...
This tour of Moscow, St. Petersburg and the Golden Ring explores the places that shaped Russia's history – past, present and future. Uncover Moscow's ongoing revolutionary ...
This glorious journey combines the best sites of Moscow and St. Petersburg, with a deluxe cruise on the iconic Volga River. An ideal journey for individual travellers and small ...
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Pajama Party
Colourful & Logical
3-6 years
2-4 players
- Quick thinking and action
- Visual observation & discrimination
- Logical thinking
- Colour matching & recognition
- Problem-solving
Marvin Moo, the cow throws the best pajama parties! He's invited his friends over and they have come dressed in a mixture of colours. There is cake, drinks, balloons, presents, stories to share and more.
Players have fun matching colours and compete to be the first to find the right cow whose cap, slippers, pajama and shirt match the 2 dice colours. The player who grabs the maximum Moo tokens wins the game. What's more, you can also be the first to find the matching cow to the thinking assignment cards, going beyond colours to look for patterns, shadow and numbers.
- 21 Moo's friends Tokens
- 2 wooden colour dice
- 21 Thinking assignment cards
- A fast paced visual observation game made with preschoolers in mind designed to grow with your child.
- Large, sturdy pieces perfect for the little ones to see and handle
- No reading required
- Two games in a box
Game 1:
- Spread out the tokens face-up and roll the dice.
- Look for the card that shows the Moo wearing the same colour combination as that on the dice.
- The first player to touch that particular token picks it up.
- Play until all tokens have been picked up.
- The player with the maximum number of Moo tokens is the winner.
Game 2:
- Spread out the 21 Moo's friends tokens face-up.
- Shuffle the 'Thinking assignment cards' and place them face down in a pile.
- Pick up a Thinking card and look for the Moo token that is the solution for it.
- The first player to touch that particular token picks it up.
- Play till all the Thinking cards have finished.
- The player with the maximum number of Thinking cards is the winner.
Lost your copy of the instructions or want to read on the screen? Don't fret. Download your copy here.
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The question concerning the secret behind our success can be answered with just one word: Passion! Committed dedication, spurring us to achieve the very best every day, reflected in the pride whick all our employees take in the quality of their work and inspiring creativity of our engineers to permanently redefine the limits of what is technical feasible.
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List of contributors Preface page viii xiii
Testosterone: an overview of biosynthesis, transport, metabolism and non-genomic actions F.F.G. Rommerts
The androgen receptor: molecular biology H. Klocker, J. Gromoll and A.C.B. Cato
Androgen receptor: pathophysiology O. Hiort and M. Zitzmann
Behavioural correlates of testosterone K. Christiansen
The role of testosterone in spermatogenesis G.F. Weinbauer, M. Niehaus and E. Nieschlag
Androgens and hair: a biological paradox V.A. Randall
Androgens and bone metabolism M. Zitzmann and E. Nieschlag
Testosterone effects on the skeletal muscle
S. Bhasin, T.W. Storer, A.B. Singh, L. Woodhouse, R. Singh, J. Artaza,
W.E. Taylor, I. Sinha-Hikim, R. Jasuja and N. Gonzalez-Cadavid
9 Androgens and erythropoiesis 283
M. Zitzmann and E. Nieschlag
10 Testosterone and cardiovascular diseases 297
A. von Eckardstein and F.C.W. Wu
11 Testosterone and erection 333 H.M. Behre
12 Testosterone and the prostate 347 J.T. Isaacs
13 Clinical uses of testosterone in hypogonadism and other conditions 375 E. Nieschlag and H.M. Behre
14 Pharmacology of testosterone preparations 405 H.M. Behre, C. Wang, D.J. Handelsman and E. Nieschlag
15 Androgen therapy in non-gonadal disease 445 P.Y. Liu and D.J. Handelsman
16 Androgens in male senescence 497 J.M. Kaufman, G. T'Sjoen and A. Vermeulen
17 The pathobiology of androgens in women 543 N. Burger and P. Casson
18 Clinical use of 5a-reductase inhibitors 571 K.D. Kaufman
19 Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA) and androstenedione 597
B. Allolio and W. Arlt
20 Selective androgen receptor modulators (SARMs) 623 S.S. Wolf and M. Obendorf
Methodology for measuring testosterone, DHT and SHBG in a clinical setting M. Simoni
22 Synthesis and pharmacological profiling of new orally active steroidal androgens 665
A. Grootenhuis, M. de Gooyer, J. van der Louw, R. Bursi and D. Leysen
23 Hormonal male contraception: the essential role of testosterone 685 E. Nieschlag, A. Kamischke and H.M. Behre
24 Abuse of androgens and detection of illegal use 715 W. Schanzer
Subject index
In this guide, youll learn just what kinds of exercises you can use to get rid of man boobs forever. It includes two different types of exercises those designed to burn body fat, helping you lose excess weight all over your body and targeted chest exercises which will shrink your man boobs until you have a masculine, sexy chest.


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Episode Transcript
Speaker 1:0:17Hello, you were listening to one broken bone, the podcast dedicated to raising awareness about mental health, parenting, and self improvement. I'm the host for Kone one. Broken Mon is not a family show. It is intended for adults only and may contain adult language. Sometimes the topics are serious, but you can count on the episodes to be entertaining. Also, when broken, mom is not offering any psychiatric or medical diagnosis. We're just here giving away useful information that I also think is pretty important for you to hear. So if you're ready to hear real talk by real people so that we can all get better. Yeah.
Speaker 2:0:48Rather than you're in the right place. And welcome today I have with me Amina. Um, she has just released a podcast called parenthood, which is a weekly program that tells the true stories about pregnancy, parenthood and entrepreneurship for first time millennial parents. Now, Amina and I connected because she actually has a story to share today about broken moms. So. Hi Amina.
Speaker 3:1:12Hi. So are you.
Speaker 2:1:14I'm good. I'm totally good. And you're out on the east coast somewhere way out there. Um, and I want everybody to talk about and hear about first. Um, let's, let's tell everyone who you are and where you live in, what are your details?
Speaker 3:1:28Yeah, for sure. So I'm here in Toronto, Ontario, so I live in Canada. So my perspective on things like healthcare and stuff might be totally different.
Speaker 3:1:43And I said I'm 28 years old. I am living with my fiance. We don't really have plans on getting married anytime soon because we have a baby coming along as well. I'm currently officially today 27 weeks pregnant, which means that the baby is the size of a very large cucumber or I think they use the reference of like a long Romaine lettuce growing like crazy weed and we actually had a missed miscarriage last year in December. So us being super open about being millennial parents and telling our story really came from our mis miscarriage. So I was about 12 weeks along when they found out that I was miscarrying. But it was missed, which means that the baby had stopped growing at like six weeks. So I was walking around like a happy little lamb thinking that I was getting a beautiful baby, but for six weeks we had no idea that I was actually ms dot Karen the entire time.
Speaker 3:2:52Oh, that's devastating. Oh yeah. It was not fun. I don't recommend it in this whole being totally lost because even though our healthcare system was super, super great here, we kind of felt like we were dumped by our midwife. We didn't really know what we were doing. It was honestly like pandemonium and our key and nobody knew what to tell us or what our next step was. So we had to rely on like googling everything and not really feeling like we can trust a lot of doctors and all of that. And so we were sort of navigating this journey all the while not realizing that we were consciously making these decisions about who we want it to be as parents and who we want it to be as people based on how we had grown up. I have an undiagnosed mother who my sisters and I have three sisters.
Speaker 3:3:52One of them shares has a different father, the other to share the same father that I do think that she is like a narcissistic, which has a narcissistic personality disorder, totally undiagnosed and will be under the undiagnosed for the rest of her life. But through all of the difficulties of navigating being her child, it made me realize all of the things that I did and didn't want to do, not only as a parent but as a partner to, um, to my fiance as well. So that sort of, especially in the last, I would say eight months, a year of my life has really put me on this path of being an empowered parents woman, partner and entrepreneur as well. And so all of that sort of ties into bryce and I starting on a parenthood, the podcasts that I had reached out to you about, um, and us really just being as open as possible to sort of show that to other millennials, especially the ones that aren't having kids, that it's totally okay and that we all have our problems, but being able to talk about things in a super light. Funny Way. So that we can, so we can be more vulnerable with, with everyone else as well. So that's a little bit, a little bit about me
Speaker 2:5:14and it's actually, you know, I, I, you know, I'm with you. I totally agree. And um, and I had done the math in my head and so I had suspected I was about 20 years older than you. And so we're close. We're close. Um, but the um, it's surprising how many people, you know, desire and the transparent conversations, but yet they themselves aren't necessarily comfortable with providing, you know, that. And, and so I get, I get a lot of messages, you know, personal messages to me, you know, where people like to hear that, you know, they need to hear, they need to listen to the stories even if they themselves are not really okay with sharing their own. And um, and so sometimes they'll just send me their story, you know, just because they feel like they want to, they want to say it, you know, but doing it publicly like you and I have made these choices to do were like, yeah, we're blabbing it all out for everyone to listen to, um, is not, is not the norm, but getting it out there in, in, in being able to communicate and be a truth teller about everything.
Speaker 2:6:12Um, and, you know, and so for me, part of this and having you talking with me this morning or today, if somebody is listening at night is because we make here ourselves in some of these things. And so as you were talking, I mean, I'm sitting here going, yeah, that was me. I remember being your age and I'm remember thinking these are the things I absolutely do not want to do because they happened to me and that sucked and I'm not going to be that, you know. Um, and I also then remember, you know, fast forwarding 10 years and then doing some of the same things that I swore I would never do because of not knowing, you know, that I, that I was affected by them at a, at a primal childhood level. Um, so you, you talked about your mom and she's undiagnosed and will never be diagnosed. And so I gathered that means that she's never been through therapy or a counselor or anything like that.
Speaker 3:7:03So she has, she's never gone voluntarily to see like a counselor. Anything. She at one point had to seek out anger management by that is as far as her, her like self awareness journey and like self help goes. Is, is that, is the mandatory anger management and I don't think she even finished
Speaker 2:7:30because it wasn't really her fault, I'm sure. Right.
Speaker 3:7:34Never her fault. It is always a victim of circumstance.
Speaker 2:7:37Right, right. Yeah. Um, and so your parents were young when they had you, is that right?
Speaker 3:7:44Another caveat to that story, and probably what makes it a little bit easier to swallow is that my mom was 17 when she. I was pregnant with me. My Dad was a bit older. My Dad was seven years older than my mom. My Dad was a was that is an immigrant. He was a first generation immigrant and he met her while she was so she was working at like during the summer, so they met in the summer and it was her summer job and it was his full time, real job at the time and they had met and she was 17 and this was in the summer and by December she, they were getting married because by March I was born. So it was a total shock and wedding and I remember my grandpa telling me stories of how he like punched my dad in the nose when he found out that my mom was pregnant and my mom had always been looking for a way out.
Speaker 3:8:41So as far as I can gather and she sort of the same way now is she's always wanted more. She's always thought that she deserves more. She's beautiful and smart and that can also as manipulative, but she is, she is a great person to every to most other people. She is this fantastic lady that you would never suspect that she's actually just really being super manipulative, but she's doing all of these things because she's always trying to get out. She's always trying to find the next best thing and nothing's ever good enough. So that is, that was her way of trying to get out of my grandparent's home was I guess getting pregnant, keeping me thank God and, and uh, and marrying my father and they were together for until I was about 18. Eighteen is when they officially got a divorce. But throughout that their relationship was super small twist and they were, she was always trying to find the next best thing was always finding a new boyfriend was in and out of our house. My youngest sister has a different father, like it's her is. She's never been okay with just with what she had, no matter what it is, which is, which to me is, is totally fine to want more and to expect more. But this was like wanting more on steroids.
Speaker 2:10:16Yeah. Yeah. And that sounds so painfully familiar. I mean, I, I know that I've been around people like that and it's hard to be around those types of people because you never feel like you're going to ever measure up. You see somebody in front of you that is, you know, wanting something else other than what they have. And as a kid, you are one of those things that they presently have, you know. Um, and I know that that shaped me personally growing into an adult where, you know, I found myself kind of an attraction, you know, when we talk about narcissism, um, and I've spoken about this topic a lot, um, because, you know, people think that narcissism is something that they, you know, is attracted to you, but you have an equal attraction to it as well. And, um, and you know, when I'm listening to your mom's story, I, I, you know, I've said this before to, you know, in a couple of episodes that, you know, I took journals and I wrote in a journal when I was a young girl and I can see those words in my own journals because at a certain age I didn't feel like I was being listened to and I wasn't being understood.
Speaker 2:11:20And so I have pain and empathy, you know, hearing that story there because, you know, people, when we become adults, you know, it is a result of something that happened to us as we were growing up. And it's sad when you think about children, right? That are being treated in some capacity that forms and into this place of I need out, I need to get away. Um, what do you know about your mom's life growing up? Uh, you know, I mean, again, feeling comfortable with what you can talk about so that you don't end up feeling like you're shaming or pointing fingers at anybody in your family.
Speaker 3:11:48Yeah. And I really liked that. You talk about how it's, how this isn't about shaming or bashing, you know, the, the mothers that have done this to us or, or whichever, because I think at one point it was very much like, oh my God, I hate her so much. I can't believe she did this to me. And my sister is, she's so crazy. She's so that she's so this. And then it was that radical acceptance that I had to learn through my own therapy of radically accepting who this person is and they are this way because of their circumstances. And yes, it sucks. Yes, she's my mom and I wish she did more things, but that doesn't mean that she is like the devil, right? She, she is a victim of these circumstances and of her growing up. Um, so yeah, no, I, I don't, I feel like I'm totally comfortable with sharing these things and in a way that isn't, isn't shaming at all because I totally have empathy for, for her and I, and I accept her for who she is, but I think her, her childhood was, and, and I see it in my grandmother now and it has become more apparent to me, especially now that I'm pregnant and that lack of sympathy and love and warmth and emotional connectedness is totally lacking between her and her mother.
Speaker 3:13:17So you can see that invalidation and that nonacceptance and the constantly, like, you're not good enough. You can seek that coming from my grandmother, her mother. Um, so you can see how, how she wanted that [inaudible] reason why I can see this so clearly now is because my fiance, bryce has borderline personality disorder and because we've gone through such extensive therapy together and he's gone through extensive therapy and we've, we've done so much research and stuff on all of these personality disorders, we're able to sort of step back and see, okay, so she's not getting that validation. And it's like there's this circle that continues to happen because they've lived together their whole life. My Mom, my grandmother now lives with my mother and she was always around when we were kids and was taking care of us. But my mom has never really gotten away. She's always been in that cycle of invalidation and not being apted for who she was.
Speaker 2:14:24Yeah. And that's so sad. And I, and I've seen that too, right? And Narcissism, you know, a lot of people I shared with you and interview, I just did it and publish it this week with Michelle Piper who does narcissistic mother.com. And you know, we touched on this a little bit, you know, narcissism isn't always about grandstanding, you know, it's not about just trying to draw all the attention to you and showing off with money and stuff. There is this covert subtlety to it as well, which is the, I'm just robbing autonomy from somebody and that can be done in a million different ways. You know, it can be from telling somebody exactly what they need to do every day or it can be just never letting a child do something on their own. You're always in their swallowing them up, you know, every minute and when a kid then suddenly wants their own definition in their own freedom and they can't get it, you know it that generates and creates this, I need somebody to see me. I need to feel important. And that I think that when we see people with sometimes with a really, really severe personality disorders, they're narcissistic parent because they had a narcissistic parent as well, is probably the least. The least likely suspect, you know?
Speaker 3:15:36Exactly, yeah, because I think that we, like when we see people on TV and in cartoons and when we think of what narcissism is, we don't like, we think it is that that grandiose person that walks around with a wad of cash in their hands and is like, has a very expensive car and is just like, look at me. I'm so important. But in reality there's so many more facets to that spectrum of narcissism. That's, that basically boils down to that need for admiration and the lack of empathy, right? So it's that I need you to like me, so I'm going to show you all of these things that you might not even like. So I'm going to show you the money, ammunition, show you the car because I need that acceptance and validation from you because I've never gone that, that validation as a child.
Speaker 3:16:24So that's sort of comes from and that is what has made me be radically accepting of, of her. Because you can, once you, once you hear that and once it's sad, right? It's very, it's very sad that you have gone through your whole life feeling like you need that validation and I've never learned how to do the whole self care thing or learn how to validate yourself or learn empathy. Right. If you're able to look at somebody and and say things. And like I remember when my, I was like maybe 10 years old and we got a flyer sent to the house that said it was like a boxing, like a tween boxing camp or something. And I wanted to do it so badly and I thought it would be so cool and I wanted to learn how to like be a cool box or, and I think it might've been a time when like a boxing movie was out or something. And I remember her saying to me, no, you can't be a boxer because you'll get hit in the face and then nobody will like you because you won't be pretty anymore.
Speaker 3:17:35Okay. So my 10 year old self, like pre pubescent, like not even thinking about what I was looking like at the time. I'm just like walked away and was like, Oh okay, I guess I can't do this because I won't be anymore. And so now all of these things that I thought I had forgotten about my childhood are slowly starting to worry about because I'm trying to actively think about the kind of parent that I want to be. And I'm reminded of what my childhood was like and how I don't want to do these things. And I liked that whole gender stereotype. And that gender binary, like traditional two parent household is something that we don't prescribe to. So it's all of these things that have come out of her mouth, what we think is happening inside of her head.
Speaker 2:18:21What are, what are some of the things that, you know, growing up that the choices that your mom made that you know, kind of alienated you?
Speaker 3:18:31Um, the most alienating experience was probably when my father asked if my mom had been talking to a guy that day on the phone and I think this was probably when I was around 11 or 12 years old possibly. And I couldn't lie to him anymore. I felt so bad because this whole entire time my mom was using me as her crutch. Right? So she didn't have any friends because she had me when she was super young. So she would tell me things. She would have me in the room when she was on the phone with other people. She would. I remember being on dates with her and like other crazy things. But this one particular time I could not lie to my father anymore. And all I said was yes, and then he had confronted my mom, sad, you know, I mean, it told me that you were talking to some other guy and she lost it.
Speaker 3:19:29She absolutely lost it. She told me that I wasn't her daughter anymore. And for I think it was about two weeks, she did not talk to me. So we lived in the same house. Gosh, our bedrooms were right beside each other because I'm obviously a child at this point and she literally ignored my existence. And so I would walk by the bathroom and she would ignore me or um, she just literally wouldn't interact with me. And I was devastated because at the time I was obviously a child, but I was always looking for my mom's. I was always looking for that validation from my mother and that's validation that she was looking for from her mother. I was looking for. And uh, I didn't get that. And I remember the reason why we started talking again. And it sounds so crazy to say because it sounds like a, like a lover's spot. Um, I had to make that first move. I had to say, like, I, I made me need some small talk, like, can you straighten my hair or something? And then that was, and then it was over. There was no apology. There was no, wow. I treated you like shit for two weeks. So there was nothing. It was just moving on. Yeah. It was probably the most like alienating, alienating of experiences that I had with her
Speaker 2:20:51as a child. And that's, I mean, for, for people, adults, you know, um, you know, think about this stuff, you know, when you're a kid, you were supposed to, you know, need and, and have your parent there with you and in, you know, in most cases it is mom. And so, and it's a part of the brain development process, you know. And so when that gets excluded, that's a powerful factor in what happens and how, how, uh, you know, the child ends up being shaped. I mean, that's where you know, the abandonment comes in and that's where the, you know, the memory and the triggers that you have much later in life when you, when you don't get that resolved and figured out, you know, I think a lot of people just assume kids are tough and I've had this conversation with plenty of experts.
Speaker 2:21:36Yeah, I mean their, their tasks and you can fix them, which if you mess up because we're all gonna mess up his parents, but I'm ignoring it and just assuming that every mistake we make doesn't have a longterm impact to me, I think that's a dangerous idea because our brains are shaped while growing up. They didn't, they didn't come out of the box ready to go. You know, at the end of the month, I'm actually going to be talking with Dr Lindsey Gibson who wrote a book called adult children of emotionally immature parents and it was, it was a good book for me to read because know narcissism and self centered little kids, you know, those attitudes, those go hand in hand quite a bit when you're talking about sometimes a narcissistic person or a parent, you know, they appear childlike in, you know, people call and Peter Pans or are they ever going to grow up or whatever.
Speaker 2:22:24And there's a lot of truth to them. You know, their, their growth and development was likewise stunted, you know, and interfered with as a child and they're kind of locked into that. It's all about me right now because they never were able to emotionally progressed past that point in their own life. And then we end up with these adults around us that, you know, still act like, you know, you're sitting there going, you should know better. Um, and it's tough when you're then the kid that is highly capable. Um, and you know, suddenly you kind of flipped the, you know, everything turns around, you know, you became a confidant and you became a parent in your own life. You had to kind of take care of your own stuff. And, um, and that's hard. I mean, that's really, that's really tough to do. Um, let's, uh, you touched on Bryson, this really wasn't about him. It was about you. Um, but you know, what do you think through the therapeutic process was a little bit of the contribution of Bryce's personality and some of the things that you guys are dealing with today as a couple that maybe came out of his childhood.
Speaker 3:23:24Oh my God has. So his borderline personality disorder, I'm really came to the light, uh, about three months into our relationship there were like little hints of switches between emotional and logical minds and he'd be stuck in emotional mind. And then one day he was stuck and emotional mind for about four days. So we had to go to, again, in Ontario and Toronto, we have a pretty good mental health care system. It's not perfect, but we actually have this place called chem h where there's an emergency department attached to it, so it's literally like an emergency room triage, but for mental health. So we ended up, I ended up trooper literally dragging him. Um, and obviously I don't recommend this to most people because most people should get therapy on their own, but because he wanted to get better, it ended up working out for the better, but all of his borderline personality disorder can really, really be attributed to the way that he was brought up.
Speaker 3:24:40And he grew up in a rural part of Canada that I think right now has a population of 250,000. And right now, like in Toronto, like our population in this suburb that we live in is like a million. So he grew up very differently than the way that I grew up. But he grew up with his father being Chinese and his mom being white and his dad having not being able to be very emotional with him. Not Super validating the whole bia man. I'm like, stop crying. You're not allowed to. Right? Or you're not allowed to be creative because you're a boy. Um, and that had a lot to do with it. So with borderline personality disorder, it's not just being a product of your environment, but it's like the perfect storm of being a super sensitive kid and being invalidated by the people around you.
Speaker 3:25:36So not every super sensitive kid will have borderline personality disorder. But because it was the perfect hurricane for him, he ended up with it and, um, it is a direct correlation of the way that he was brought up. And it was interesting because I got a very, a very interesting perspective on this because I was in the room like in my therapy sessions with the loved ones that are people with bpd who were in the same program as him. So I was the only one that was in a relationship with the, with the person. And then everybody else was, we're parents. So I got to see how invalidating all of these parents were because you could see the way they converse and the way they spoke about their child and the way they spoke about themselves and the way they spoke over other people. And so I got a very interesting perspective on, on how like borderline personality sort of gets made basically. Um, so yeah, his is bps totally, totally a sensation of, of, of the that he grew up for. Sure.
Speaker 2:26:47That's painful. Um, that's like, again, my heart is breaking in here. So where do you think, um, you know, what do you think those influences were with that type of parenting, you know, how have they made you who you are today, what have you been able to kind of recognize and pinpoint? You've talked a lot about identifying the parent you want to be and not want to be. Do you see other, other things that have kind of came, came into you as a result of, you know, having this type of a mom
Speaker 3:27:16mean? Growing up I was obsessed with this idea of love and romance and I remember
Speaker 2:27:25I'm laughing because I hear you, I hear and I want other people to hear that. Like it's, it's startling that suddenly your focus is on something that you know, you shouldn't really be focused on romantic love at 12, but you are when you're starved for love and your house. So go ahead, go on. Yeah,
Speaker 3:27:46I remember like reading weathering heights when I was like 10 years old and I remember the lady at the bookstore was like, this is a little bit above your age group, like your reading level. And I'm like, no, no, it's fine. Just give me the damn book. And I, um, I was obsessed with like Rom coms and I read all of the sweet valley high books when I was like eight years old and I would always skip to the love parts of or the relationship parts and skip all the friendship stuff. And all my life. I, I remember this one crazy thought that I had when I was in grade six and I was on like I am chat on my computer with one of my friends saying I think I love him and I might marry him and I obviously didn't really like him and I obviously didn't end up marrying this guy from elementary school. But like I laugh because were, I didn't realize and I don't think I realized it until like a little while ago that I had always been obsessed with, with love and that took priority. So being in a relationship, not doing my homework even though I was like, uh, I, I did really well in school, but I just wouldn't
Speaker 3:29:07hand in an assignment because I was
Speaker 3:29:09too busy talking to my boyfriend all night or, or something. And, and it sounds like a regular teenage problem, but it was kind of excessive for me because I was always on that search for love because I wasn't getting that from either of my parents really. Because my dad was always working and my dad and mom were always fighting. So my poor father didn't know how to turn off that resentment towards my mom that you would have on me for a few years and we, my dad and I now have a great relationship because he can sort of see that I've accepted that my mom is crazy and you know, is always going to do this to me, sort of in, is just really a big disappointment. And I think that he, he likes that a little bit because he likes that I can see what he is, what he had gone through for 18 years of his life and he didn't like when I would side with her because he was like how can you not see how she is or what she's doing to you sort of deal.
Speaker 3:30:13So that really put a damper on our relationship. But that obsession for love. And, and it's funny because again, my fiance having, having bpd so he has, he is still in, he does like three hours of therapy a week. So we're like a very all over the therapy family and I. There was a family sessions group that is done in conjunction with his dbt training, so dialectical behavior therapy has a family sessions group where the parents loved ones can attend and it's sort of like a, you learn the same skills that your partner or a child or whoever is learning so that you learn how they should be coping with the problems in their life, but you can also learn how to cope with them better and how to cope with yourself. So I actually found like that I learned so much about me and my relationship with my own mother through this therapy that was really supposed to be making my relationship with my fiance better boat.
Speaker 3:31:15It really just was so enlightening because I was learning things like radical acceptance and all of this and it. It made me so empowered when I chose to finally accept that like she is who she is. And that sort of shaped my relationship with my fiance now as well because I remember my really what my relationships were like when I was a teenager or in my earlier twenties. And I totally exhibited some behaviors of like that obsession and that need for validation and that was like that cycle that just wouldn't stop for my grandmother to my mother and then to me. And the only thing that really made that cycle of obsessing, obsessing over love was was really the therapy. And then I started doing better health outcome, which is amazing. Especially if if therapies and accessible to you because they have financial aid as well.
Speaker 3:32:22So it's $40 a week for unlimited therapy, which means you can message them whenever you want and video call with them or talk to them on the phone. And it was. It was amazing to learn how to validate myself, how to not rely on somebody else to make feel the way I want it to feel. Because if somebody else is having a bad day and I relied on that to make me happy or to make me excited or to make me whatever. That's so much responsibility to be putting on one other person for my own happiness. That when I learned how to validate myself, it was like this huge pressure was totally lifted off of my shoulders and I didn't have to rely on someone else to bring me any sort of joy. It was literally just what I had to do for myself.
Speaker 2:33:11Yeah. They call that reparenting, you know, because because you know, it comes from that place of where if you had a solid resource, you know, good solid, you know, unconditional love, you know, parents that, you know, that they taught you how to do that on your own. When you're absent that you have to learn how to kind of pull your, you know, kind of be a split personality to some extent. You have to divide off the wounded child in you from the parents in you and have that parent inside of you. Be able to attend to that injured, hurt child piece until that, that part is healed. Um, and so that word repairenting comes up a lot when you know, you've got an adult who's like, okay, I've got to Redo the brain. You know, I, it's now my job, the opportunity my parents had to help me with this is gone.
Speaker 2:34:01Like they can't fix it for me now it's up to me. Yeah. That's uh, that sounds like a great resource for people to, to, to kind of tap into your, the better health.com. And I'll have a link to that in the, in the podcast notes for anybody that wants to explore that. Um, so, you know, here's a question that I think people will have. I mean, we, you know, I've got a millennial on the phone, so I'm going to talk to you about this. Everybody loves to like throw darts at this generation and of course I'm sitting here as a parent, I'm an ex gen and I'm like, well these are our kids. So what do you think is, you know, what's going on here with everybody that you interact with in contact with and stuff. Do you see a lot of similar stories? I mean, maybe not as extreme as what you've gone through, but within the people, I mean if we're going to make a generalization about, you know, this entire generation, um, do you, what do you see as maybe some, some things that might be influencing your generation? I mean, that could relate back to what their parents were doing. You know, those of us
Speaker 3:35:01for sure. I think that there is definitely a pattern of what, of the people that I have, not just in my circle, but anybody that I sort of network with that, that is considered a millennial, so anyone right now that is I think from the age of 24 to 34 millennial, but there is a theme of not getting validated. Then that whole nonacceptance and obviously that doesn't mean that every parent is a bad parent. It just means that there was this cycle of behavior that nobody knew how to stop because my dad would never go to therapy. Not because he thinks it's useless, they're stupid, but because he wouldn't even know where to go to start getting therapy or like he wouldn't know how to have access to all of these things that we can google and find out how to get access to these.
Speaker 3:36:03So I think that a lot of them, especially the children of immigrant parents and the children of parents that are people of color as well, um, that like either came here or have all of these super, super strict traditions on what they think that family life is supposed to be or what gender norms are supposed to be like. And that is a big, a big thing in, in how millennials can sort of come off as entitled or it can come off as, you know, wanting this crazy lifestyle without earning it or whatever the stereotype that people like to apply to that. But what it is, is it's not that, it's not that we feel entitled to this life that we want and don't want to work for it. It's that we have different priorities. So for Bryce and I, our biggest priorities, being able to be at home as much as possible, not because we're lazy, but because we want to be able to spend time with each other and also spend time with our child.
Speaker 3:37:06So because we grew up with these parents that didn't give us that love and didn't give us that space to grow and be creative, we want to create that space so we're actively pursuing it and I know that we, we were in our barbecue area for, for our apartment and I'd heard this gen x are saying millennials don't work and they don't want to get a job and they are like freeloaders and all of this. And I turned around and I was like, you know, I'm, I'm a millennial. We could totally have this conversation, but I don't really appreciate you having this conversation in my presence where you're literally speaking of me. And she got very flustered and ran away. And I was like, no, no, we can talk about this. And she literally ran for her life. But I think that is something that millennials are starting to really do, is wanting to talk about everything and going to be super empowered to make these decisions based on knowing everything.
Speaker 3:38:09And it makes people like, my parents nervous because they're like, oh no, we don't need to know everything. You need to know everything. Like sex side is bad. You shouldn't teach your kids about sex, you shouldn't teach your kids about anything. They should just focus on books in school. Whereas we're sort of coming at it as no, we want to teach our child absolutely everything so they can make the best decision. So I think that is where, at least in my experience with my parents and my network of people, that's where that divide sort of is millennials that are crappy, but they're also like gen x or is that are crappy. Like there are just crappy people. Pretty good. Right?
Speaker 2:38:49Right. There's always going to be crappy people and you know, and that's sad. You know, growing up Gen X. and I've reflected to quite a bit on, you know, what I remember and recall from childhood, you know, in some of the stressors in it, man. I remember being in grade school and we thought we were gonna get nuked by Russia. Do you know that stress that is on kids to actually know that that's the, that there was that fear, that underlying fear in your life. And then I looked back on like, you know, my parents, you know, they um, my mom was born in the early 19 fifties and so she's in a boomer generation and you know, a piece of that was also, you know, a lot of stress and strain and her parents came from the depression. And so, you know, you go back four generations here really quickly and nobody was ever out of the woods, you know, in terms of some sort of sociopolitical elements.
Speaker 2:39:41And then parenting trends changing. You know, one of the topics I'm going to be covering is the, you know, some of the really, you know, history of parenting ideals that people had, you know, and what you were supposed to do with your kids. And how that influenced one generation to the next. But I think you're right with the talking piece of it is, is, um, there's a, there's this little bit of fear of accepting responsibility because if, you know, and that's why, again, in my approaches is, you know, accepting your responsibility in it doesn't mean that someone's going to drag you off to jail, you know, for, for this. And that's not what I want anybody to feel about this part because it is scary to say and be reflective and go. There are things that I probably messed up on and I've had to do that publicly.
Speaker 2:40:23And in fact, I had somebody just a couple of weeks ago who, you know, I forgive this person, you know, whatever. But um, because he thought he was being clever called me a piece of shit, you know, because I was a mom that when I got divorced from my, um, from my kids' Dad, we didn't do the normal well. Mom takes the kids, get dad is the weekend parent. We did the reverse of that because that's what sit us. And that's what fit life and everything. But, you know, because I was the mom who didn't do that, you know, in his eyes, I was a piece of shit, you know, for failing my kids and you know, and all that other good stuff. And so that, that, that scares people into not wanting to ever admit failure because they don't want to have targets painted on them. And so that's why, you know, I, I commend you for having the bravery to talk about these things and to get them out there because that's how people become less fearful, you know, you know, be willing to take an Arrow in the back for somebody else, you know, for 10 other people to feel like they can say something.
Speaker 2:41:17But that gen x experience there that you had with that woman is probably a piece of that, you know, we see it on facebook, right? Nobody really wants to talk to each other. They just want to yell at one another and you know, and stand on their pulpit. Absolutely. Yeah. Um, so, you know, you and I talked a little bit, um, I hit the record button and um, and I had said that the fact that you all have, have had this awakening and enlightenment early in life for you is going to do you really well. Mine came 20 years after, you know, um, you know, unfortunately, and, but it doesn't mean that again, changes possible and you know, I'm working my ass off to make sure that, you know, I'm doing what I can. Um, but, uh, you know, there are mine fields out there and I guess, you know, I had equated it to um, you know, I had to step on a few landmines before I realized I was in a minefield. You get to go forward, you know, in motherhood and I'm in partnership in life knowing that you're already walking a minefield, you know, that was kind of presented to you by, by your experiences. And so, um, you're going to be, you're going to be okay. Even if you clip a mine every once in awhile. Um, so do you, um, do you do your own therapy now? Or is it still something that you're doing with your, um, with Bryce?
Speaker 3:42:30So as of now, I believe the program starts in October again and again it would be like the family sessions dvt and the reason why I liked it so much was because at first it was totally supposed to be a thing, like people thought that you did it in order to make your person better, but in reality you're doing it to make yourself better so that you know how to set boundaries, you know, like what, how to not trigger yourself, you know, how to get yourself out of the, the, the, um, out of the situation. So I really loved that. I'm still doing better help about like an hour a week. But one thing that I've been starting to do is like mindfulness and meditation, which I'm very bad at, but it's apparently supposed to be really good, especially during pregnancy. So that has helped me keep saying. But it is, it is very hard to do, but, but it's, it's so easy because you can just download an app like calm or headspace and you can do it literally from anywhere for three minutes a day. And it's like a total refresher.
Speaker 2:43:35Yeah. And a lot of people meditate. A headspace is one of the apps that I actually used to, um, because, you know, especially if you're triggered, you know, and you've got triggers in you and you, you know, that you do because they, you know, they stem from this relationship of, you know, growing up with a narcissistic mother, um, but it, it can kind of help pull you back in and at least get you back to that prefrontal cortex in the front of your brain instead of the, you know, all of your emotional places.
Speaker 3:44:00Exactly.
Speaker 2:44:01So what do you think that this experience with your mom is going to shape you? I'm with you being a mom yourself.
Speaker 3:44:10I think what's funny is as people ask me all the time, if I'm afraid of being a mother and I'm always like, no, you know what I'm afraid of like crowning and pushing a baby out of me naturally in a home birth. Like that's what I'm afraid of. I'm not afraid of being a mom or, or parenting because because I feel like I've done this 15 times already with my sisters and not that I feel like I'm good at it, but I just feel like I'm so aware of, of all the things that I don't want to do and not just aware of them. Like all my mom used to make me corn beef sandwiches and I don't want to make my kid Columbia sandwiches or I don't want to nag like my mom. Like I feel like there are very serious things that my mom has done that I don't want to do and not just.
Speaker 3:45:04And not just that, but I feel like I'm very aware of like my value set. Um, so I feel like that is what is preparing me for parenthood. And I know that a lot of people will read parenting books and, and they're all great and they're like a 20 page read and then you're falling asleep. But for me, what has been my parenting book has really been that awareness has been learning. Learning how to deal with like my partner who has bpd and learning how to deal with myself and learning what I want and learning how to communicate what I want and what I need and what's important to me because I feel like if I'm the one that's making myself better and I'm communicating what I need, then my child will be able to communicate what they need because they're being brought up in this space where we're communicating and we're, we're validating each other and we're asking the other person what it is that they would like to do.
Speaker 3:46:06And we're not just assuming, you know, because we're having a girl that she's going to want to be putting ballet or, or all of these things. So I think that for me, the best parenting thing that I can do is learn how to be the best person that I can be. So my partner to, you know, other people that I see in the streets because like we can do all the hip, no baby stuff and do all of the mindfulness stuff and that's all fantastic with our child. But if you are still carrying around this, like your parents shit in this a surrounds and it's not, you can read all the parenting books that you want, but nothing's going to help you.
Speaker 2:46:47Yeah. And that's, that's what one broken mom is. We, you've been broke, but you're fixing. And that's huge, right? Like you're, you're going to that place where you're, you know, you're healing the whatever cracks and fissures that materialized in you. And that's that. You're right. That is completely, that's totally powerful for that. Um, I, you know, I'd said to you that, you know, I, I did the same thing and this is what I want other people to listen. Like I did the same thing you did. I sat down before I had kids. I was like, man, I am so ready for this, like I'm going to be amazing. And I said, this is what I don't want for my kids life, you know, I don't want to move around a places. I don't want this, I don't want that and I don't want that. And despite the knowing, um, and this is the difference in path that you and I are on, despite knowing all of that at some point in the future, 10 years forward, I ended up replicating a handful of those things that I swore I would never do.
Speaker 2:47:47And I did it without A. I didn't even understand my, my ex. And I sat there and they were like, you said you didn't want any of these things and yet you're doing all of them. And I'm like, I have no idea why I'm doing all of them, but all I know is that, you know, panic set in and um, and it all just kind of materialized. But the difference is, this is for people to understand is that I didn't have what you have right now, which was opening up that Pandora's box, you know, and understanding what that relationship was with the self, help the therapy and then being able to start the repair work early. I had to be broken down several times before I realized, you know, all that was coming into you. So you know, you, you, you will discover new things about yourself as you go because parenting does that to you. I'm sure you already know that. But having the tool boxes, you know, available to you to be able to sort that out as you move along is better than just kind of blindly feeling along the walls and hoping for the best.
Speaker 3:48:41Yeah, for sure. Like it's like if you try to put up a picture frame and you like have the screwdriver but you're missing the wrong, like you're missing the right like head and you need a phillips head but you don't have one, it will be useless. Right? So it's. I know that there are going to be things that I will fuck up, like there will be things that I do that will, that might be like my mom might like my dad that I didn't want to do because I'm also human, but it's knowing if I do these things, if I tell my kid that they look silly in their outfit and it really hurts them and I can see that I've invalidated them, what do I do to fix that? Right? Like, what do I do after to remedy the situation is I think even more important than knowing to not say that to not be a jerk. Like we know to not be mean to somebody, but sometimes shit just comes out of her mouth. Like how do you, how do you fix the problem? And I think that's what's, it's not trying to be perfect, but it's knowing how to put a bandaid and fix the situation afterwards. That's what I think is important.
Speaker 2:49:51Yeah, absolutely. And, and you know, there's a reassuring elements, all of this, which is you can't actually fix it because we are humans and we are going to fuck up, you know, and there is an empathy is one of the things too, that I think is a big thing is, um, you know, I find it surprising sometimes that, um, that people even developing, you know, I have my own, you know, it's healthy narcissism and, and, you know, you, I tell everybody only a person with some narcissistic personality is willing to think that their story is important enough to tell everybody which is what compels, you know, certain people like us to go, I'm going to do a podcast when I have to do is really fucking important. And that's part of growing up with the narcissism around you. Um, and that whole, like, you know, the validation but from a good place for it.
Speaker 2:50:38But then there is, you know, knowing that you know, I a lot for other people and that's the salvation of like somewhere along the way, empathy is in me and it's powerful and strong. And that's the motivation of knowing that you have the power to be able to change people's lives, which some people call manipulative, especially if they don't like what you're doing, but at the same time, doing it from a place of deep understanding, deep commitment and deep passionate love, um, is how survivors, you know, have a narcissistic, you know, people, um, you know, ended up making lemonade out of those lemons. So let's talk about your lemonade and the show that you have going on and what you're doing for other millennial moms and parents out there
Speaker 3:51:23that's so funny that you bring up making lemonade out of lemons because there is a coworking space out here in Toronto called make lemonade and it is a female focused coworking space. So all of the members are a women and they're women entrepreneurs. And it's all about like how they came to be by like making lemonade out of lemons. And I ordered a, like for one of the walls in our bedroom for an accent wall. It's like a lemon tree wallpaper for like the part of the nursery that we have in our bedroom. So we're all about making lemonade out of the wetlands.
Speaker 2:52:02You didn't even know that.
Speaker 3:52:06So the one way that we've brought lemonade into our lines, like that constant reminder of the miscarriage was shitty. The way that Bryce was brought up was kind of Shitty to the way that I was brought up was shitty too. But, um, how we are making lemonade is by one talking about it. So we launched on a parenthood. So all the things that expectant parents mostly geared, some millennials don't really know or don't really know what to talk about. Um, and what they can expect. Nobody talks about miscarriage. It happens in one in four pregnancies and one percent of those end up in mis, miscarriage is so they don't even know that they're having one. Um, so that's sort of what pushed us to be like so many things have happened in their life and we are like good narcissism is we wanting to us to wanting to talk about it and being really, really open.
Speaker 3:53:04Because as soon as we are open with our miscarriage on social media, people would start messaging us like crazy saying, oh my God, me too. I never knew anybody else went through this. And it was, it was so annoying to us because we're like, why is, why aren't, why aren't? Why isn't anybody talking about this? This is crazy. And then we said, well, we can't expect other people to talk about it if we're not talking about it. So the podcast to expectant parents, zero clue is about us not really knowing what we are getting into obviously because we're first time parents and as millennials, but everybody thinks that we know everything really pretend to know everything, but we really know nothing. So that's sort of our journey of, of finding out, you know, what childbirth birthing classes we do and also talking about race and gender norms and then bringing on experts and women co founders and talking about that. And then also building the online publication to be a quick read articles on like what a Doula does and how to find them and how to be supportive of your partner and things like that. So that is, that is our lemonade.
Speaker 2:54:18That's awesome. Yeah. And so, and you just started it. So how many episodes have you guys been able to read?
Speaker 3:54:23Just released our fourth episode last night. We've been live for less than two weeks now I think. So we're still super new and we are in the kids and family category as we are a parenting podcast. The publication has been launched for about a month and a half, month and a half now.
Speaker 2:54:43Cool. Cool. Is there a facebook page somebody can find you on?
Speaker 3:54:48So unapparent Hood, U N A, P P a r e n t h o d, I'm sure it'll be in the show notes or, or whichever, but we're on instagram and on facebook. Um, our podcast is also under parenthood, so you can click on that as well. Search for us in the. We're on itunes and spotify, Google play where we're literally, our podcast is anywhere that you listened to your podcast and unapparent had.com for our publication.
Speaker 2:55:20Cool. Very cool. Amena, um, like I said this earlier today, you know, there's a lot of bravery and talking about family and sharing experiences because we all love to talk about how amazing life is, but you know, people do. They are starved for knowing what's really going on because sometimes seeing all the glossy stuff is overwhelming, especially when you're sitting there in your own home going, my life isn't that glossy. Like I don't, I don't get it as everybody, you know, everybody have a better life than, than me. So thank you so much for, um, for reaching out and for taking the time with me this morning to, to talk about this. Um, and so again, like she said, I will have all the links in the podcast notes and in the podcast description. So if you want to find out how to reach me and I had to listen to the podcast that they have and to see the online publication, you can totally do that. So thank you again for being here on one book,
Speaker 4:56:09Mom. Thank you so much. It was pleasure. Thank you for listening to one broken mom. You can find podcast notes on my website at
Speaker 1:56:24[inaudible] dot com, and they're all provide all links to all of the resources that we mentioned on the episode. Also, if you have any questions, comments, or ideas for other episodes, feel free to send me an email and if you are interested in sponsoring the show, I'd love to have you be a part of the team. Finally, if you like what you hear, please share the podcast and leave a review so that others can find it. You're all here to get better together. I am the host and as always, I am super grateful to have whisper. Until next time, have a great day.