text:
Steven Seagal
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
You may be looking for Douchebag and not even know it!
"You killed my wife you bastard... Now it's time for revenge..."
"Dish guy can kish my ash!"
Steven Seagal ) , also known as the Anti-Norris or the Badass who always wins a fight against twenty guys no matter what happens, is the name of a famous mountain figure located in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Originally intended to be included on Mount Rushmore to give the common man some sense of accomplishment (along with Presidents Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and God), the figure was instead carved separately. Nonetheless, it has remained a popular tourist attraction for nearly six decades, except for when it wasn't.
edit Origin
The monument was originally designed by Frank Lloyd Wright shortly before his gruesome death. Wright decided to suggest its inclusion on Rushmore; furthermore, he designed it to look like a Native American to pay respect to the original inhabitants of the United States. When the government got wind of this plan, they decided to ax the idea of including it with the Presidents ("Who'd believe those damn Indians are as good as white people?") and put it on a hard-to-find neighboring mountain side. While construction was going on, architects coated the face of the monument with a new building material called botox to keep the face from changing much. The material has apparently worked, as Steven Seagull has not suffered from any changes in nearly sixty years. Steven was born without nipples on his chest, he has 12 nipples on his back. However he has suffered from duel personality disorder, he is often seen hanging around beaches, trying steal food from peoples hands. They call him Steven Seagull.
edit Acting Training
N.B.: All the information in this section comes from a single source, an 1885 pamphlet printed by Mark Twain, based on hearsay, on Ben Franklin's last printing press.
Though there is no substantive proof, it is generally agreed upon by celestial astrophysicists and nuclear mechanical engineers, that Steven Seagal studied the "method" acting under the Stanislavsky, Anton Chekhov, Lee Strasberg, Marlon Brando, and Keanu Reeves. This is more impressive than it may look at first glance, since celestial astrophysicists and nuclear mechanical engineers don't agree on whether the sun is a star or a sun.
Dojo Seagal has eschewed the "method" for the simple expedient (cf. picture at right) of coming to work on time, knowing his lines, and beating the shit out of the other actors.
edit Documentary
Seagal's "Films" (If thats what the kids call it) are actually documentaries. He changes his names in his "Films" so people can't kidnap his daughter. OH NO, I've let out his secret, He's after me now, I have till morning.
edit Martial Arts training
Steven Seagal began his training as a young boy at just the tender age of 35. He studied under Master Wong "Not my own hands" Hong, who himself was a student of Yö'Sensei. Wong's philosophy to martial arts was that "When filming the camera should always zoom into the hands while performing a deadly fighting technique". Steven stayed very true to this philosophy and as we see in all his films the camera zooms into his hands, thus his hands seem to change and not look like his own; remarkably sometimes even changing in their color, the locations and numbers of rings or even their shape during a closeup. Steven also swears by hitting a piece of wood very softly. Steven is quick to point out that although it may appear to the untrained viewer that he is hitting it very softly, it is in fact his speed that allows it to seem this way, and only a true master of martial arts is able to be as fast as the speed of light; if not faster.
Also like many other Hollywood martial arts masters (such as Tom Cruise), Steven is able to power throw assailants over forty feet by the mere flick on his fingernail. This is a skill that he finds frequently comes in handy during contract negotiations, which can become tricky and as Mr. Seagal knows, a good power throw can change the attitude of any reluctant negotiator. His Holiness Lama Steven Seagal Shihan Take Sensei, is also a 7th degree Master of TenShin Aikido (a branch of Aikido made up by Steven for use in B movies). The rumors that he printed this document on his home printer have never been substantiated despite no one being found that actually believes him; but in fairness to his beliefs, it may have happened in a previous life and documentation could be difficult to obtain.
It is also rumored that Steven studied, briefly, under Samuel L. Jackson's motherfucking fighting style, the aptly named, "I'm going to fuck this motherfucker up-kun do." Steven mastered it in only 25 years.
He also created his own style of martial arts. Its called "slap fight-neck break do". There is no other known martial art that can compete with this style, besides the already mentioned "I'm going to fuck this motherfucker up-kun do." Steven's special move is where he shoves a sweaty nip down your mouth. Pray this never happens to you.
In the 2000's he recruited UFC fighters, Anderson Silva and Ryoto Machida. He made them both his bitches and taught them how to crane kick the fuck out of MMA legends. They did just that as Silva kicked Vitor Belfort's cheeks from his face and Machida kicked Randy Couture's head clean off his shoulders. They both thanked Seagal before joining him walking the beat and giving people traffic fines.
edit Haunting
Despite the hard-to-find location and overall bland (and, some would say, boring) design of the creation, it has become South Dakota's second most-visited monument. Unfortunately, it has also been a somewhat tragic place: drunk college teens have attempted to climb down its stone pony tail (which isn't very wide- only about three or four feet) only to mysteriously fall to their deaths. Some attribute this to the drunkenness, while others believe that the victims were "roundhouse kicked" by a ghost spirit that the students always seem to ignore. Rumor also has it that the spirit speaks in a very monotone voice that causes the students to be lulled into a deep sleep, causing them to let go of the pony tail and fall to the base of the mountain.
edit In Pop Culture
Steven Seagull has been prominently displayed by Hollywood in several motion pictures. Probably most notable among these are Under Dinner, Hard to Digest, Hungry Down Below, and Half Past Brunch. Furthermore, some of these films have used CGI to make it appear as though Steven Seagull is moving and is a karate expert while maintaining the solidity of his face. Steven stands in the middle of the universe, adjusting the length of his ponytail, with the world spinning around him. However, this technique has appeared to lose some of its charm, as more recent films to do this have not been as successful in box offices, so Steven Seagull has been re-designed as a hip cat who spouts gangsta slang and is from the streets, most recently in the film Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties. The voice of Seagal in these films is usually provided by actor William Shatner. People often confuse his films with those of Jean Claude Van Damme.
The Nightwish song, 'Wishmaster', makes clear reference to the awesome power of Steven Seagal on numerous occasions. It is believed that royalties were not paid, resulting in Steven faxing them a 'Steven Seagal Round House Kick'. This is a common command, and can be easily initiated from home, via TCP/IP.
edit The Steven Seagal Ponytail
Not only does Seagal have jaw dropping good looks and the frame of an androgynous lumberjack, but he also has the coveted shiny and greasy pony tail. Much of Seagal's success can be attributed to his renaissance style pony tail. Before becoming a mega movie star Seagal is known to have work a bull cut hairstyle, and was only able to land an acting job in a B-Movie called "Alien Wart Frogs" in 1981. In the mid 1980's Seagal went to a Shaman healer who indicated that his bull cut was bringing him bad luck along with poor fortune. When Seagal questioned the Shaman on what to do, the Shaman simply replied "be one with nature, let the wind control your movements". Seagal subsequently grabbed a lit candle off of the Shaman's floor and dumped the wax on his head, and then suddenly slicked his hair back to be one with the wind and nature. Many have attempted to replicate Seagal's hairstyle, namely another sea creature, former goalkeeper David Seaman but all have ultimately failed. Strands of Seagal's hair measuring anywhere from 2-7 inches have been sold for between $67,000-903,000. Seagal's has a cult that follows him around in an attempt to collect his hair, they call themselves the "pony chasers". Just recently a Steven Seagal ponytail rubber band sold for $4,000,000 to a collector in Japan.
edit Movie Company
In 2002 he started his own movie company BigBellyFilm. However it soon went out of business, due to Steven Seagal's massive personal food budget taking away the meager profits on bargain buckets.
Steven has started up another film company called Triple Chin Productions. He produced the film I Love You Philip Morris, which is a documentary based on the early life of Steven. Steven for a time used to be a gay con man, now he cons us the audience with his implausible movies. His next film will be a reworking of the vagina monologues. Steven shall be playing a yeast infected vagina, which solves crimes. And saves the world and pretends he is black.
edit Musical genius
Steven Seagal is a world recognized musical virtuoso on the spoons having composed four symphonies for full silverware and ladles, and a further eight concertos for minor place-settings. His First Concerto in D flat-ware for Knife and Fork, has been hailed as the most important and influential piece of classical music since Mozart's, Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.
As a release from the pressures of being fat and wealthy, Seagal also sings and plays lead spoons in a blues band called "Steven Seagal and the Teaspoons". Remarkably, this effort has led to the release of two CDs both of which have made it into the top 10,000 in the album charts! The first album was 2005's; Steven Seagal Greatest Hits, and the second album was entitled Steven Seagal Even More Greater Hits, released in 2006. Both were critical hits with the one hundred and seventeen people who bought copies.
edit The Seagal List-O-Death
Over the decades, Steven has racked up over 500,000 confirmed kills. Some of his most Famous Kills include: Fred Rogers Otherwise known as Mister Rogers, Steven and Fred got into an argument after slaughtering a young Portuguese prostitute. Steven wanted to burn it and Fred wanted to first finish having sex with it, and then sell it on ebay. Steven took a cork screw and put it through Rogers' eye. End of Argument Abe Lincoln In the 1865, Mr. Lincoln owed Seagull some money that was loaned to him but refused to pay it back saying that the boy he payed to orally please him wasn't worth the money. so that night at a play, Steven Seagull glared at Abe Lincoln, causing him to instantly break into flames. Adolph Hitler When Adolph was in that shelter with his wife, Steven seagull came and fucked them both in the ass... literally. His dick was so monstrous that it tore Adolph's ass into three parts, making it impossible to shit so Adolph Killed himself. Here Are Just A Few More Richard Pyror, John Candy, Jim Belushi, soon to be John Belushi, Chris Farley, Blackneck, Wilford Brimley's Diabetes, O.J. Simpson's first son, and Tom Green's left testicle. The list could go on but I have to quiet the baby in my basement. Seagull added a few more to his List-of Death which included Pam Anderson's breast implants, Gary Glitter's prick, and Eminem's charred, crusty asshole.
edit The Ultimate Fight
While walking through the forest one day eating a hamburger to bulk up for his next movie (Thunder Thighs of Steel) Steven's Super-Indian senses alerted him to sense danger in the area. Before he could react, Jackie Chan appeared out of the trees with a battery powered pair of electric shears. In an instant he was upon Steven, knowing that his hair was the source of Steven's mighty power Jackie went straight for it. Little did he know the reason Steven's hair always looked like it had enough grease in it to rival a Big Mac was because it was a special formula designed to protect the hair at all cost. Taken aback, Jackie had to resort to hand to hand combat. The ensuing battle sent waves of energy around the world. Meanwhile while enjoying his usual breakfast of glass and human souls[1] Chuck Norris sensed this battle. He promptly got up and roundhouse kicked the air. Light years away in the forest in which the battle was taking place the shock wave of the kick hit Steven and Jackie and sent them flying. This gave Chuck enough time to get there by his usual method (using his mighty genitalia as a propeller). After landing miles away both Steven and Jackie sensed Chuck's approach. They stopped fighting each other and prepared to face the ultimate warrior. Both of them knew what they had to do to survive. They performed the ancient art of Gillette fusion. When Chuck arrived he was greeted by a new warrior more powerful than any he had ever faced. Jackven Cheagal!
To be continued...
edit The Ultimate Fight Two
When Chuck arrived he saw the shear awesomeness of Jackven radiating from his body, the battle to end all battles had begun....three roundhouse kicks latter it was over. It turned out that Steven Seagal's amazing flab had weakened Jackie Chan's fighting skills. As Jackven's broken battered flabby body laid on the ground Chuck pulled out his heart and ate it seeing as his breakfast had been interrupted, but as soon as he had finished a terrible pain overcame him. This was news to Chuck, he had always been so strong that he'd never felt pain. Suddenly mounds of flab began to engulf him. After 63 years of fighting the Mighty Chuck succumbed. The hideous creature that emerged for the flab let out a monstrous roar and lesbians every where called back. It waddled away and in its wake it left the bodies of Chuck, Jackie, and Steven. It had taken with it some of Steven's flab, Jackie's ability to ramble endlessly, and part of Chucks beard. This is the story of how Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan and Steven Seagal sired the ultimate evil and unleashed it upon this world. That's right; the creature that walked away was Rosie O'Donnell.
edit Seagal vs Gok wan
Our story starts in a gritty fashion shop in the capital city of Albion at approximately 10:15PM. Gok wan closed up his shop for another night. Once outside he heard a noise and knew someone was after him. It was too dark to see so he used his fashion vision. He saw a man, a fat man, in the shadows, he knew it was Seagal. Seagal lunged towards Gok who rolled out the way just in time. Gok looked at his expensive clothes that now had a speck of dust on them so he took out his electric scissors and attacked Seagal for ruining his clothes. Seagal blocked all of Gok wans relentless attacks for one year. Seagal eventually saw a weakness, an opening if you like, in Goks defense. Seagal took the opportunity and hit Gok with one of his mighty limp wrist chops. Gok crashed through his shop window he had never seen such a display of strength. Steven clambered through the broken window. He looked around but could not see Gok wan. All of a sudden Gok appeared behind Steven and chopped off his ponytail using his electric scissors. To Goks astonishment The ponytail grew back and the one on the floor turned to wood. This pissed Seagal off big time. He grabbed Gok wan and threw him through the roof of the shop. After punching Gok wan for a century he felt kind of tired so he sat down for a rest. Gok wan being the opportunist that he is lunged at Seagal with his scissors pointing to Steven's neck. Seagal dodged the attack and started pounding on Gok. Suddenly Steven felt as if he was being strangled. He threw Gok to the side and turned around to see Allan Carr. In an instant he broke both of Allan's arms. Allan and Gok wan fused to create Allok Can, a human so deadly it was rumored that even Superman couldn't beat him. Allok didn't scare Steven who merely threw Allok into the spikes on top of the statue of liberties head. Allok Can is trapped there forever and he is currently plotting his revenge.
edit Quotes
"Steven Seagal is well known as 'The man who can warp between exploding bridges'. Now one thing not many people know about mister Seagal is that he wasn't actually born, nor does he exist. He is actually a figment of his own Imagination. He apparently works as an actor but that is not strictly true you see... Lee Martin 'Thinks' that Steven Seagal works as an actor thus confirming its truth to every one else. Furthermore Steven Seagal lives by a certain code known as the 'Cookoo Past Dead Code' or the CPDC."
"Yo Fucknuts"
"All of the followers of the CPDC can do things that distort time. For example if we were to watch a two hour long film it would take us two hours right? Not for Seagal for he can watch a two hour film in just forty minutes, while running five copies of Half-Life 2 and playing a game of pokemon green on his Game Boy Advance emulator while he thinks it loads. It was Mr. T who taught him the ways of the CPDC (then called the National Anti-Racism Society) but Seagal stole the T's thunder and renamed the code."
" "I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, but more importantly a sex symbol for young people.""
" "Some call it intuition but I simply call it Steven.""
" "I am really excited by my next project called "Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Revengeful", where I play a young confused ginger kid disguised as a full grown black man who is in fact really dreaming to be Jar Jar Binks raped by Tom Cruise, only to wake up and find out that he is non other than Carlton Banks living in another dimension where he actually is a carrot out for revenge for being turned into a bottle of water for owning a blue carpet. It is written by me, directed by me, and I play all the characters, even the ice cream cone who is a duck.""
edit Filmography
- Urban Nigger (1987) — Somebody touched his radio, and now they will pay. Directed by A Black Man.
- Above the Lime (1988) — Playing a Japanese Boy who works as an undercover bartender. Drinks goes bad and the lime is to blame. Directed by Lambshop.
- Under Sauce 2 (1989) — One man's search for something to put on his kebab.
- Hard to Digest (1990) — Playing a Japanese Boy out for veggies, with assistance from a purse (played by Steven's then-wife Nelly Furtado).
- Food for Death (1990) — Playing a retired Japanese Boy who returns to his hometown, to find an evil Ronald McDonald in charge.
- Out for Lettuce (1991) — Playing an Japanese Boy in Brooklyn on the hunt for an old cabbage rival who gave birth to his best friend, Ray Romano.
- Out for Pie (1992)-Steven Seagal's back... and this time he's lamer. Starring Ray Romano and introducing Charlie Sheen.
- Under Dinner (1992) — Another Lambshop movie, about a Japanese Boy that looks like a cock and worked his dick off. This was one of his movies.
- On Deadly Sausage (1994) — Playing a Japanese Boy in a movie in which he befriends a Swedish king and fights against an evil mobile phone company. This is Seagal's directorial debut; he also produced, wrote the shit, made the supper and held a speech so long he's still at it.
- Tenders Down Below (1994)-Playing a Japanese boy in a movie made as a reworking of 'Under Dinner' because "it was fun making it the first time. This time...it was funner." Co-starring CSI's Catherine Willows. Written by Steven Seagal.
- The Hunt for Bread October (1993) A young Japanese boy must find the fabled Meatball Sub to offer as dowry to Vlad the Inhaler the father of his bride.
- Everyone Loves Seagal (1995)- Jean Claude Van Damme plots to turn all the actions heroes against Steven Seagal, but fails as everyone loves Seagal
- Under Dinner 2: Dark Teriyaki (1995) — Seagal returns as the Japanese Boy that looks like a cock, this time out to find the dinner wagon on-board a train.
- Executive Beef (1996) — Playing a Japanese Boy that must stop a plane carrying Swedish meatballs to Finland. This was the only time Seagal actually played a Japanese Boy. Not to mention the fact that HE DIES IN THIS ONE! HOLY WTF!!! (well, at least until Machete...)
- The Take-out Man (1996) — Playing a Japanese Boy who (along with Stephen J. Hawking) must find a serial number stuck on an bag of rice and deliver it to a Giant Hill-Billy.
- Hungry Down Below (1997) — Playing a Japanese Boy investigating the murder of a mime at Burger King.
- The Potato (1998) — Playing a Japanese Boy who foils an evil, virus-releasing Giant Potato Head.
- 'On Deadly Chop' (1998)- Steven plays a hard but emotional eco warrior, who accidentally eats a gone off pork chop and now he's got the shits. It's a race against time to get to the pharmacist to buy medicine before he turns his pants into a shitty mess.
- Out of Shape (1999) — Steven Seagal's 15000 step workout video to tone your thighs. Originally released for survivors of the Y2K bug who were expected to be fat after devouring their rations in the first month.
- Eatable Wounds (2001) — Playing a Japanese Boy who tries to clean up his wounded body with his teeth.
- Licker (2001) — Playing a Japanese Boy that uses his exploding tongue on Dennis Hopper.
- Half Past Lunch (2002) — Playing a Japanese Boy, who springs to life after eating himself to death.
- The Feeder (2003) — Playing a Japanese Boy who tries to get his girlfriend bigger.
- Out for a Brunch (2003) — Playing a Japanese Boy who avenges the death of his snickers.
- Belly of the Breast (2003) — Playing a Japanese Boy who must go to Thailand as a she-male.
- Out of Coke (2004) — Seagull plays a Japanese Boy with the urge... urge for coke.
- Into the Bacon (2005) — Playing a Japanese Boy, who must take on, the pigs of all pigs, Linda Hamilton.
- Sub (2005) — Playing a Japanese Boy looking for the perfect meal under water.
- Today You Pie (2005) — Seagull plays a Japanese Boy who is trying to go straight to the video store and rent American Pie 5.
- Black Prawn (2005) — Seagull returns as a a Japanese Boy in this sequel to the Feeder. This time his wife gets the urge for seafood.
- McDonalds for Justice (2006) — Playing a Japanese Boy who is blackmailed to work for the McD corp. to save his family.
- Shadow Milk (2006) — Playing a Japanese Boy who must find his kidnapped mother to get his daily milk. and yes their's a deadly virus.
- Attack Force (2006) — Plays Marshall Lawson, the leader of a strike-team. This is truly one of his greatest movies, by many called; "ET" for a new generation.
- TronTurbo (2007) — Steven Seagal teams up with Bruce Willis to prevent the destruction of a local orphanage as the body count rises. Morgan Freeman narrates.
- Flight of Food (2007) — Playing a Japanese Boy, a former soldier who is sent to retrieve a stolen aircraft full of hamburgers and fries.
- Once Upon A Time In The Food (2007) — Playing a Japanese Boy in the Hood working to get his hands on all the food.
- Pringles of Pistols (2008) — Tentative project with Seagull playing a Japanese Boy craving his chips.
- Judas Tea (2008) — Steven Seagull stars as a a Japanese Boy called Judas, that's on a visit in England, during a religious tea-break.
- Million dollar burger (2008)-Steven Seagal as a Japanese boy, forced into a hunger strike to save his reservation just as they serve up the mother-of-all-burgers.
- Thunder Thighs of Steel (2008)-(Steven Seagal as a young Japanese girl trying to come to terms with her changing body and her parents disapproval of her new boyfriend K-Fed) (brilliantly portrait by Brittany Spears )
- Mickeys new sweets (2009 pre production) — Director/Animator/Producer of this new Animated epic. Seagal has penned this charming animation about a small child who carves world leaders out of poo he finds on the street. This animated masterpiece will be created completely via stop motion animation, and will use primarily fog as its main modeling material. Directed by Paul Daniels and co-produced by Jeremy Beadle and film funding by Bill Paxton.
- The Ownage (2010)-It is a battle. If Seagal sees any gadget that is an Apple brand he is going to snap some necks! He really hates iTunes!
- The End of the Future (2012 pre production). The world is a much safer place than we all imagine. Large fluffy cows roam the streets and piles of glowing frogs line every street corner, whilst large fat happy men control the skies, flying from planet to planet in hollowed out cucumbers. We are to be treated to this stunning vision of the future by writers Jeremy Beadle and Frank Bruno and starring as 'Open faced Barry' Steven Seagal and to be directed by Dick Cheney.
- Under the Siege 54.5 (2167—In order to complete the film Seagal needed to time warp, although he completed the movie successfully he has become fatter, older and bolder because he is now more than 100 years older. The movie is based on some revenge crap Seagal dished up at the last minute.)
- A Stitch in Time (2168) A 'making of' documentary for the 2167 hit Under Siege 54.5 in which Seagal enlists Stephen Hawing to help him repair the holes he left in the fabric of space time with a budget of $200 and 24 hours.
- " Alone in the Fridge" (2187) Steven eats the entire contents of his Fridge and is left with an empty fridge, what will he have for dinner??
- Death Kill Pistol Urban Black Under Shadow Above Dangerous (3125) — Steven Seagal is released from the mental institution and continue his delusion of him playing a cop out for revenge. Directed by Another Black Man.
edit Discography
- 1109: "The Very Best of Steven Seagal."
- 1492: I'm Gonna Kick Your Columb-ass!
- 1952: 'Mama Bitch Gave Birth to a Killa'
- 1969: Master of the '69'
- 2001: 'Asian DUMP lings in my Toilet'
- 2003: Serenading the Crack Dealer
- 2004: Massive sweaty man breats with hairy nipples
- 2005: Bongs from the Crystal Cave
- 2006: Mongo Priest
- 2007: Return to the bassbin
- 2008: Seagal owns Van Damme Van Damme gets owned !
- 2008: Skid Marks and Anal a Beads
- 2009: Attack of the double chins and wooden acting
- 2010: Steven beats up music and wanks on it yeah!
- 2011: (ONLY OUT ON THE BLACK MARKET SHHHH) 'Backin it up: in da hairy CRACK part 2'
- 2011: Steven playing with his brown G string
[1] There's an album in there somewhere, well I think there is.
edit Critical Acclaim
Over the years Seagal has won praise for his realism and emotional range as an actor and was awarded the Oscars for Best Actor and Best Director for his French emotional drama "Smashing Frenchie's Onion Shaped Head In". At the moment Steven is putting the finishing touches to his new Italian New wave master piece, Jonathan Woss says it's as good as Fellini's 8 1/2, it's called extreme poo pushers. In this film Steven plays a CIA agent posing as a rent boy, who has to find the guy who ate his bargain bucket. Steven has also won the award for most distgusting orgasm face.
edit The 8 Axioms of any film starring Steven Seagal
1. Seagal is after some son of a bitch who has kidnapped his daughter.
2. Seagal is after some son of a bitch who put him in jail for a crime he didn't commit.
3. Seagal side-steps or trips over the guards who are protecting the son of a bitch who committed plot line 1 or 2.
4. Seagal always wakes up in the middle of the night after a bad dream, only for it to become reality.
5. In some point in any Seagal film, he walks over to someone with a gun, and somehow twists the gun around, where he then shoots the crook.
6. Always wears the the same leather black long Trench coat, which is resistant to all weather, gun shots, knife blades and even the grease off his pony tail. It also makes him look 20 lbs lighter and allows him to kick swiftly and hide magical bullets in the pockets.
7. MUST MUST MUST have an Asian/Oriental element
8. A female half the age of Seagal must be fascinated by him or at least have a make out session with him
edit As a "Cop"
Steven has recently become a "cop" (or so he thinks he is) in one of his new shows. Steven spends the show driving around in a cheap car full of donut dunking policemen who couldn't even climb over a fence if they were asked to, "patrolling" (cruising) the town of Belair. Anybody seen eating crisps or chatting up a woman is accused of drug dealing or prostitution, and Steven mistakes most fizzy drinks such as Coke or Fanta to be alcohol.
Steven also shows psychic abilities in the show, such as being able to see "crime" from a distance, and also knows exactly what the criminal is up to, such as using a cell phone (which is apparently a knife to Mr. Seagal). It should also be noted that any "criminal" caught on the show is almost always black and hasn't seen one of Steven Seagal's films, making it obvious why all the real criminals get away while Steven is arresting niggas who prefer Mission Impossible III any day.
The only way for a criminal to escape his show without being arrested is to admit he knows Steven Seagal and ask for a autograph. Not only does this bring a slight chuckle to the already over bronzed 5-chin man but it makes him feel like a real Hollywood douchebag.
edit See Also
Bruce Campbell - Bruce Lee - Charles Bronson - Chow Yun-Fat - Clint Eastwood - Jack Dempsey - Dirty Harry - Dolemite - Jackie Chan - Mohandas Gandhi - James Bevel - Martin Luther King, Jr. - Tony Jaa - Jet Li - Shaft - Red Forman - Samuel L. Jackson - Ving Rhames - Tails the Straight - Mike Tyson - John Wayne - Mr. T - Chuck Norris - the Notorious B.I.G. - Jabba the Hutt - Juggernaut - Rambo - Charlton Heston |


text:
Page 31 |
Previous | 31 of 196 | Next |
small (250x250 max)
medium (500x500 max)
large ( > 500x500)
Full Resolution
All (PDF)
This page
Subset |
Acts, Bills, and Resolutions of the Choctaw Nation, 1879 1. A resolution for the relief of Alfred Wright for taking care of the Capitol Building during the years 1877 and 1878. Passed House and Senate October 14, 1879. 2. An act admitting to citizenship, Margaret and Letitia Overstreet and their families. Passed and approved October 15, 1879. 3. An act establishing an additional election precinct in Tobucksy County, Choctaw Nation. Passed House and Senate October 17, 1879. Approved October 18, 1879. 4. An act allowing $13.20 for Sheriff J. Bryant to pay funeral expenses of Silas Peters. Passed House October 20, 1879. Passed Senate and approved October 18, 1879. 5. Committee on petitions rejecting Mrs. Elizabeth Moran and others to become citizens of Choctaw Nation. Passed House October 20, 1879. 6. An act to declare the skinning of dead animals on the range a felony. Passed House October 23, 1879. Passed Senate October 24, 1879. 7. Reports of B.F. Smallwood, collector at Atoka and Fred Thompson McKinney accepted by General Council. Passed and approved October 28, 1879. 8. Greenwood McCurtain reports excused by the council. Passed and approved October 30, 1879. 9. Resolution directing the Principal Chief to suspend S.P. Willis, District Trustee. Passed October 30, 1879. 10. A resolution to reject the revision of the laws. Passed Senate October 30, 1879. Passed House and approved October 31, 1879. 11. W.N. Jones report approved and no further consideration of case shall be considered. Passed and approved October 31, 1879. 12. Report of Ed McCurtain accepted, Sup. of Public Schools. Passed and approved October 31, 1879. 13. Report of W.B. Pitchlynn declared by General Council a Defaulter. Passed and House and Senate October 28, 1879. 14. A resolution to provide per diem for the National Lighthorsemen during the present session of the General Council of Choctaws. Passed House October 29, 1879. Passed Senate and approved October 31, 1879.
Object Description
Collection | Choctaw Nation Papers |
Tribe | Choctaw |
Description | Indian tribe. Acts, laws, bills, and resolutions (1896-1910) of the Choctaw Nation; typescripts of newspaper articles (1868-1936), mainly about political matters such as elections, allotment, and the Dawes Commission, along with four ledgers (1902-1911) which were the journals of record and contain the minutes of the Choctaw Nation Council. |
Date | 1868-1936 |
Is Part of | Native American Manuscripts Collection |
Special Collection | Western History Collections |
Rights | University of Oklahoma Libraries Western History Collections |
Language | English |
Type | Text |
Format |
Post a Comment for Page 31

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Exklusive Dessous und Bademoden | String | CAZAR
Daily Obsesh - Camel Spot PJ Pintuck Cami and Shorts
We just found a great reason to throw a girls-only slumber party!!! When is the last time you and all your gal pals got together to watch Rom-Coms, drink wine coolers and do your nails ... all in your pajamas? We bet it€™s been a while.First things first ... Buy yourself these absolutely adorable pjs from TopShop. The spotted cami and shorts set comes in a creamy camel color and features pretty feminine details of pintucking and ruffle trim. Made of soft, lightweight cotton, this lingerie set is the perfect party outfit for your girly party - or even something a little more intimate!Where to Buy - TopShopPrice - $40.00Who - Melimeli was the first to add the Top Shop Camel Spot PJ Pintuck Cami and Shorts to the Hive.
by Ida Hsiang
Aah ... it's a three day weekend and in this warm weather, that means pools, beaches and other water activities. And while we've found the cutuest bikinis (or monokinis) to frolic around in this summer, sometimes, a little coverage is appreciated. But who says that your cover-up can't be as pretty and flattering as your swim wear? Plus, while we've been doing crunches to get the perfect swimsuit-ready tummy, sometimes, a little extra cover is appreciated! So check out our five picks for gorgeous beach cover-ups, one at every price range so no matter what your budget may be, you can lounge poolside in style and confidence!Emilio Pucci - Printed Cotton Voile Sarong, $450.00Topshop - Turquoise Shell Print Playsuit - $52.00Tibi - Malawi Caftan, $148.00Missoni - Durban Crochet Knit Patchwork Caftan, $945.00Asos - Chiffon Tie Maxi Beach Dress, $22.41


text:
Rager featured as guest speaker at 'Sports Night' Sunday
Sept. 3, 2009
PITTSBURGH -- Point Park University men's basketball coach Bob Rager will be featured as a guest speaker at the 51st annual Thompson Run Athletic Association Sports Night on Sunday.
Rager, who is in his 21st season as head coach of the Pioneers, has been involved in the event for a number of years as a guest speaker. The Sports Night regularly features some of the biggest names in Western Pennsylvania sports as honorees and speakers.
The event is co-sponsored by the Homestead District Lions Club, and all proceeds benefit Lions charities.
RELATED ARTICLE: In its 51st year, banquet in West Mifflin throws a changeup (From PG South, Sept. 2, 2009)
Bill Hillgrove, the play-by-play voice of the Pittsburgh Steelers as well as Pitt football and men's basketball will be the master of ceremonies.
Highlighting the event will be the presentation of the Bob Prince Memorial Award, which is named for legendary Pittsburgh Pirates broadcaster. This year, WTAE-TV anchor Sally Wiggin will be the first female to receive the award, which honors the man who had been the master of ceremonies at the Sports Night prior to Hillgrove.
Other honorees include former NFL lineman Bill Fralic, who will recognized as the Man of Yesteryear Award recipient. Among the guest speakers is broadcaster Paul Alexander of FSN Pittsburgh.
Rager has a record of 286-257 at Point Park. He was hired as the Pioneers' fourth men's basketball coach prior to the 1989-90 season.


text:
Movie SummaryEagle Eye: The IMAX Experience
Web Site: http://www.eagleeyemovie.com/ Description: "Eagle Eye" has been digitally re-mastered into the unparalleled image and sound quality of The IMAX Experience® through IMAX's DMR® technology. Shia Labeouf reteams with "Disturbia" director D.J. Caruso playing a young slacker whose twin brother has died mysteriously. Rachel finds that her child is missing, and soon the two strangers realize that they have been framed as terrorists. Forced to become members of a cell that has plans to carry out a political assassination, they must work together to extricate themselves while being led by a mysterious voice. Movie summaries and listings powered by Cinema-Source
Related Content on Movies from Infoplease:


text:
SAN MATEO, Calif. - Nov 28, 2012 – Serena Software, the leader in Orchestrated IT solutions, today announced the results of a new survey of 200 IT professionals that focused on the current state of IT Service Management (ITSM), with a particular focus on what ITIL calls Service Transition.
In an environment where nearly every business has become application-driven, the survey reveals that IT is struggling to keep up with the resulting pace of service demand. In addition the survey shows the majority of those polled (92 percent) agreed business groups do not perceive IT as a true partner and in some cases report that IT actually impedes their success.
Further, Development and Operations blame each other. Three quarters cited operations as a roadblock to agile development, and 72 percent cite development as not supporting the goals of operations. The research shows a clear divide between Development and Operations, helping to explain the aspirational popularity of DevOps this past year.
"There is massive interest in DevOps within enterprises today, as there should be. What our survey revealed, however, is the distance that IT organizations need to evolve to realize the promise of DevOps," said Amita Abraham, Group Product Marketing Manager at Serena Software and the author of the survey report. "This data was telling in that we were able to learn about today's key ITSM issues, in particular the need to improve Service Transition, the ITIL set of processes that cover the juncture of Development and Operations."
The Serena survey was conducted at itSMF's popular FUSION 12 Conference last month, where enterprise IT professionals from around the globe joined to discuss current and best in IT service management practices. Respondents were polled from a variety of industries, including financial services, government, healthcare, online services, manufacturing and more. The sampling of participants included general attendees and speakers.
Key findings include:
To download Serena's "IT Service Management Trends 2012: The State of the Dev-Ops Union" report, which includes Serena's top recommendations for streamlining Development and Operations, go to: http://www.serena.com/itsmtrends2012?kf. An infographic is also available at: http://ser.so/WTG4z3
Serena orchestrates IT for enterprise organizations across the end-to-end application delivery lifecycle. IT organizations can coordinate disparate processes, multiple tools and globally distributed teams from initial business request, all the way to final production release. Serena helps IT engage more rapidly and accurately with the business, accelerate globally distributed water-scrum-fall development and deliver applications more frequently into production – all while maintaining enterprise visibility and compliance to corporate and regulatory standards.
Helpful Links
Tweet this: New Serena #research reveals "The State of Dev-Ops in 2012" http://ser.so/UqRGqZ #infographic #survey @SerenaSoftware #DevOps
About Serena Software
Serena Software provides Orchestrated IT solutions to the Global 2000. Serena's core purpose is to advance the business value of IT. Our 4,000 active enterprise customers, encompassing one million users worldwide, have made Serena the largest independent ALM vendor and the only one that orchestrates DevOps, the processes that bring together application development and operations.
Headquartered in Silicon Valley, Serena serves enterprise customers from 29 offices in 14 countries. Serena is a portfolio company of Silver Lake Partners, the leader in private investments in technology-enabled industries.
Media Contact:
Tanya Espe (for U.S. inquiries)
Kulesa Faul for Serena Software
Mark Kember (for UK inquiries)
Goode Communications for Serena Software
+44 (0) 1491 873323


text:
Santa Claus relaxed at Pat's Barber Shop in Augusta on December 15, 1980.
©2000-2017 Maine Historical Society, All Rights Reserved.
Many images on this website are for sale on
The Maine Memory Network is a project of the Maine Historical Society.
Except for classroom educational use, images and content may not be reproduced without permission.


text:
Air Arabia launches service to Baghdad
Sharjah, March 13 - Air Arabia, the first and largest low-cost carrier (LCC) in the Middle East and North Africa, Tuesday launched a non-stop service to Baghdad from the carrier's main hub in Sharjah.
Air Arabia chairman Sheikh Abdullah Bin Mohamed Al Thani, and Air Arabia CEO Adel Ali were present at the inaugural flight.
"All of us at Air Arabia are grateful to our Iraqi counterparts for their ongoing support as we help forge even stronger bonds between our two nations," the Air Arabia chairman said on the occasion. (IANS)
Check out More news from Telecom Sector :: Pharmaceutical Sector :: Auto Sector :: Infrastructure :: Real Estate


text: Liveblogging the Bioshock: Infinite Panel at PAX 2011Owen Good8/27/11 4:55pmFiled to: PaxBioshockBioshock: infinitepax 2011ken levineTroy bakerCourtney draperIrrational GamesLiveblogTop221EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalink Ken Levine, the mind behind BioShock will anchor a panel alongside Troy Baker and Courtney Draper., the two lead voice actors in BioShock Infinite, beginning momentarily at PAX 2011. Won't you join Kotaku's Stephen Totilo as he liveblogs the discussion? There's bound to be news on one of 2012's most anticipated games. You can contact Owen Good, the author of this post, at firstname.lastname@example.com. You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, and lurking around our #tips page.Reply22 repliesLeave a reply


text:
Introducing the industry's first Z-boom with an AC drive system
• The Z™-40N control system allows smooth, responsive operation of multiple functions at the same time — from raise, lower and rotate to extend, steer. This revolutionary variable-speed technology delivers quick repositioning within the Z™-40N's entire range of motion.
• Less demand on the batteries means longer battery charge life.
• Proportional lift and drive controls allow you to manage the speed of each function and make precise adjustments in tight areas
• The AC motors and controller are sealed to protect against moisture and dust.
• On-board diagnostics, simpler wiring and fewer parts make troubleshooting a breeze.
• Easy-access panels save on repair time. Common service parts and procedures across the Genie® Z™-boom line can also save you time and money.
• Zero tailswing swing in stowed and raised working positions, along with its 1.50 m (4 ft 11 in) wide chassis, and a 87 cm (2 ft 8 in) turning radius, make this boom perfect to work in congested areas.
• The 1.22 m (4 ft) jib boom has 128° range of motion, so it can be positioned above or below horizontal.
• The RJ model features a rotating jib that adds an industry-leading 180° (2 x 90°) of horizontal rotation.
• The Z40 N is equipped with a 1.42 m (4 ft 8 in) steel platform while the Z-40 N RJ steel platform measures 1.17 m (3 ft 10 in).
• 180° powered platform rotation for precise platform positioning and easy operation.
• Dual parallelogram riser design allows ascent and descent along a vertical plane without retracting or extending the boom.
• Up to 227 kg (500 lb) lift capacity.
© 2017 Terex Corporation. All Rights Reserved.


text:
Save time by printing and filling out our Attendee Survey before you come to the Job Fair.
We ask that all Job Fair attendees fill out the following survey before entering the Job Fair, by printing and filling out the form before you arrive at the fair, will save you time when you arrive at the job fair. Download the form
The statistics collected from the survey are useful in our recruitment of companies that attend the job fair.


text:
Just a day before the peak festive season starts, jewellers are witnessing a healthy demand for gold and expect that the demand could be up by around 20% till December this year, compared to last year.
"We are expecting a jump of around 20% starting this Dussehra till the year end. In the past two days, there is already a healthy jump in gold jewellery and gold coin demand," said Kishor Zaveri, a South Mumbai jeweller.
Industry experts say there could be 20% gain in volume terms by the year-end.
Industry experts say that buyers are returning as the prices of gold have corrected due to the stronger rupee."Physical demand of the yellow metal has seen a substantial increase and is expected to be the same way till the year-end. The price may see an increase within next three months," said Hitesh Jain, commodity analyst at IIFL. The gold price on Tuesday for the December futures was Rs. 31,068 per 10 gram. According to the industry experts around 40% to 50% of the total gold sold in a year, in volume terms, is sold in the last quarter due to the festive and marriage season.
"After slow growth in the first two quarters of the calendar year, sales have improved from the third quarter onwards. Onset of the wedding and festive season is one of the main reasons behind this increase and this is one the most fruitful times of the year for all jewellers," said Jitender Jain director, KGK group, a gems and jewellery company.


text:
Tom Ross
Tom Ross' column appears in Steamboat Today. Contact him at 970-871-4205 or firstname.lastname@example.com.
Find more columns by Tom here.
Steamboat Springs I plucked a book of Western fiction I hadn't opened in a decade off the shelf during the weekend and learned a new word. Epistolary fiction is a piece of creative writing based upon actual historical letters and diary entries.
In case you haven't noticed this month, I've been bingeing on books about the old west — both fiction and nonfiction. I don't live in a homestead cabin, but if I did, the tales I've been reading would be a cure for cabin fever.
It was in a book entitled "American West, Twenty new stories from the Western Writers of America," that I came upon a story by the author, Patti Sherlock, that told the story of a late 19th century midwife in Bonneville County, Idaho. "Mother George, Midwife," is about community and the interdependence of its members. It's also about bigotry and tolerance. And it has a surprising ending.
The book, edited by Loren D. Estleman, is a 2001 collection of 20 works by members of a writers' group called the Western Writers of America.
And by discovering the organization this week, I've come upon a new reading list at www.westernwriters.org, you'll find the latest version of Roundup Magazine in PDF form and a list of nonfiction and fiction books scheduled to be published this year called "In the Chute." (It's a play on words.)
The list of intriguing books there will lead you further to explore the Web pages of the book publishing arms of the universities of Washington, Oklahoma, Nebraska and Texas.
Finally, I stumbled on another good source for identifying western authors at www.ellenmeloy.com, where a list of recipients of the Ellen Meloy Fund for Desert Writers awards can be found.
Meloy herself was a noted writer about the West until her sudden death in 2004. One of her books, "Raven's Exile: A season on the Green River," has just been added to my list.
And hopefully, in the near future, I'll be able to read the latest from 2011 Meloy award winning author Craig Childs, who is working on a book about how deserts form, their role in climate and how deserts will fare in an era of climate change.
To reach Tom Ross, call 970-871-4205 or email firstname.lastname@example.com


text:
In response to questions from the media concerning a maritime notice issued by the China Maritime Safety Administration on May 3rd announcing that drilling rig HD-981 would be operating at the location of 15o29'58" north latitude, 111o12'06" east longitude from May 2nd to August 15, Foreign Ministry Spokesman Le Hai Binh said:
"The location that the drilling rig HD-981 operates as stated in the China Maritime Safety Administration's notice is undeniably within Viet Nam's exclusive economic zone and continental shelf, just about 130 nautical miles from its coast.
Viet Nam has sufficient historical evidence and legal bases to assert its sovereignty over Truong Sa and Hoang Sa Archipelagoes as well as the sovereign rights and national jurisdiction over its exclusive economic zone and continental shelf in accordance with the 1982 United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea.
Viet Nam resolutely protests any activity conducted by foreign countries in its waters without permission. Such an activity is illegal and void."


text:
Decimal Degrees: Latitude: 43.8281223 Longitude: -72.632879
Share your comments and photos of Third Branch White River, a Stream in Windsor County, VT
(Optional) Upload a photo taken at this location:
Dam: Bethel Mills Dam
Park: Bethel Village Historic District
Populated Place: Bethel
Stream: Cleveland Brook , Stoddard Brook , Third Branch White River , Gilead Brook
7 Places found nearby
New! Tell others about this location or share a photo!
Time to build: 0.0160 Secs | Cached: 27-Mar-17 08:46 AM


text:
404 File Not Found
Host by NetBox Version 2.8 Build 4128
At-Home Spa
Create a perfectly manicured hand in the comfort of your own home. Talika Electric Nail Shaper cuts, shapes and polishes your nails to perfection. Utilizing two speeds and three heads for buffing, filing and shaping, this expertly designed device can mold nails to any desired shape and finish. Its lightweight frame works with low-intensity electricity, making it safe to use at home.
For Best Effect: Choose the tip from the storage compartment depending on what you want to do. Insert the tip onto the top end of the nail shaper as far as the mark. Choose the speed: 1 for hands and 2 for feet.
Electric Nail Shaper |
Discontinued by vendor |
Please choose which cart you want to add the item.
By choosing one of the above, you are able to shop for both yourself and a registrant at the same time. Once you are ready to checkout your items will be waiting for you in both your personal and registry shopping carts.
Still need assistance?
Please contact us at (1-888-696-0423)
Reviewed by 1 customer
Displaying review 1
Best Uses
Comments about Electric Nail Shaper:
When this product arrived, I was surprised to find the housing is not stainless steel, but metal-painted plastic! It came with two AAA batteries that were so corroded I feared to touch them to throw them out. I bought new batteries and it still didn't work. Then I returned it. What a waste of time!
Displaying review 1


text:
Oh, my poor, wee bloggie. For some reason, I decided that the busy season at work was the perfect time to launch a new project. Double crunch. Whee!
Still, news tomorrow. Until then, here's a little retro silliness for you, kilts included. Apparently, our local hodgepodge radio station played this today and cause a local stir on Facebook. What, don't you people have this on your iPods?
February 05, 2009
3 comments:
- Mike Haubrich, FCD said...
You know, this is the perfect time for a song like this; especially with mysterious happenings afoot.
I'll have to find a like song to put up at tuibguy.com. - 2/05/2009 8:22 PM
- Schadwen said...
Of course I've got the song on my iPod. I've got the whole "Keep Your Hands Off My Power Supply" album on my iPod.
- Stephanie Zvan said...
Mike, are you telling me you're finding meaning in that song?!?
Schadwen, thank you. I was starting to feel like the only one. - 2/05/2009 10:56 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)


text:
Ever wonder how it was back before the Southern Strategy, when the hard-core racist Dixiecrats were still Democrats, the Republican Party managed to lose the Black vote? And by "managed to lose", I mean "actively drove off".
You're viewing james_davis_nicoll's journal Create a Dreamwidth Account Learn More | site light | Reload page in style:


text:
Sign Up for Email Deals »
Ends *Exclusions
Alternate Views
Usually Ships in 2-3 Weeks
No Coupon Necessary. Limited Time Only!
Grohe 27012ZB0
Shower Arm and Flange
Retail: $176.00
Your Price: $123.20
Grohe 40146ZB0
Bathroom Towel Bar
Retail: $259.00
Your Price: $181.30
Grohe 40151ZB0
Bathroom Towel Ring
Retail: $186.00
Your Price: $130.20
Grohe 40156ZB0
Bathroom Toilet Tissue Paper Holder
Grohe 13610ZB0
Tub Spout with Diverter
Retail: $425.00
Your Price: $297.50
Grohe 13612ZB0
Bathtub Spout
Retail: $384.00
Your Price: $268.80
Grohe 18734ZB0
Set of Two Metal Lever Handles
Retail: $134.00
Your Price: $93.80
Grohe 18733ZB0
Set of Two Metal Cross Handles
Manufacturer's Warranty Included
View Grohe Warranty
A specifications document is currently not available for download. If you do not find the information you seek here, ask one of our experts »
This item is also sometimes listed under the following Manufacturer Numbers and Finish Codes:
*Discontinued - This product has been discontinued by the manufacturer and is Non-Returnable.
*Image displayed for product may differ from actual product appearance, especially in finish. Due to the differences in monitors, technical factors, and characteristics of some finishes, the colors shown here cannot be represented with all their true qualities. The images and color tiles should only be considered a guide. eFaucets.com is unable to guarantee that finishes between manufacturers will match.
*Orders placed before 3:00 pm (CST) Mon - Fri are usually shipped out the same business day when availability is displayed as 5 or greater. All orders subject to stock on hand.
See Terms
View All Grohe ProductsView Matching Grohe "Oil Rubbed Bronze" Products.View All Grohe Geneva Products


text:
A troupe of temperance players who visited the town of Berlin, New York in December 1844 had a profound effect on Henry G. Green. It was not their message of sobriety that moved Henry, but the charm and beauty of their leading lady, Mary Ann Wyatt. When the troupe left Berlin, Henry followed and was soon courting Mary Ann. On February 10 they were married. Eight days after that Mary Ann Wyatt Green was dead from arsenic poisoning. There is little doubt Henry Green murdered his wife but his motive in doing so is an enduring mystery.
11 hours ago


text:
Recruiting Now!
Provolve is looking to recruit a junior developer!
Ideal candidates would:
- be proficient in XHTML, CSS and JavaScript
- used Apache HTTP Server
- have some knowledge of Postgres, MaxDB or MS SQL Server
- have worked in a team environment using version control software (Subversion, CVS)
- know what an MVC framework is
- would have some grasp of Java/J2EE and Object Oriented Design concepts although training will be provided
- be sharp, enthusiastic, a quick learner and be able to manage your own time effectively, handling steep learning curves
Initial responsibilities would be to provide front-end development support for Born Gifted, Brett Howell Associates and Netbenchmarks and in parallel will learn to become a Java Developer, working on at first small pieces of work using the OFBiz framework. No initial OFBiz experience is required. As open source software specialists some of your working time may be devoted to contributing back to the OFBiz project. Once trained you will help develop and support and develop applications for larger retailers such as I Want One Of Those.
Working in a small organisation you will be expected to work efficiently and manage your time effectively. You must have a genuine interest and passion for technology and be able to visualise fresh ideas and solutions to problems on a daily basis.
Although you will be required to put in an appearance a couple of times a week at the office, successful candidates will be able to work regularly from home. Once trained, you may be required to work some days on-site for clients. Client locations include Portsmouth, Southampton and London.
This is the ideal job for anyone looking to move into Java development and will provide you with excellent experience and training.
Starting salary will be between £22k and £25k per annum depending on experience and skill set. Part time applicants will be considered.
Strictly No Agencies
To apply and arrange an interview please email a short covering letter and a copy of your CV to firstname.lastname@example.com


text:
2014-01-05, 01:11 | Link #2441 | |||
Dream Banger, Love Liver!
How am I being biased? If you want me to elaborate, then you should elaborate on your points as well.
Guardian Enzo once wrote a post on the Kyokai no Kanata series thread that I think ties into a fairly common understanding of KyoAni's comfort zone. Here is his post. And now I will quote most of it... "I equate it to a filter that every KyoAni show gets put through - like a special lens on the camera that tints everything in a certain way. Moe girls and cute, harmless boys, comedically sexy teacher types, falling leaves and cherry blossoms. It's certainly evident in a show like Free!, which despite the radical (for KyoAni) departure of five male leads, ends up looking and sounding exactly like the prototypical Kyoto Animation series with an extra piece of anatomy. To what extent a Kyoto Animation show succeeds (artistically - commercial success is a near-certainty) probably depends on how well the material is suited to this treatment." - Guardian Enzo (bold emphasis mine) I agree with this post. There is indeed a certain filter that just about every KyoAni show gets put through (FMP is an exception, but it's also quite old). This filter, by extension, determines KyoAni's comfort zone. The shows that fit this filter the best are the best shows for KyoAni to work with. And not all shows fit that filter well. For example, Fate/Zero and Psycho-Pass would run almost entirely counter to it. So Fate/Zero and Psycho-Pass (and shows very much like them) do not fit well in KyoAni's comfort zone, and represent the types of content that KyoAni probably shouldn't bother dabbling in. Quote:
I had much the same experience with watching Tamako Market - That it was trying to appeal to two different sorts of potential viewers, and so it was only going half-way in trying to please either of them. Instead of working with the type of content that KyoAni tends to go half-way with (due to their own stylistic tendencies that can run counter to certain types of content), I think that KyoAni should stick to what it's good at. I don't see anything unreasonable or overly harsh or "biased" about this position. Thank you for your eloquent reply. You did a great job of summing up the weaknesses in Kyoukai no Kanata and how they relate to what we're both agreeing on. Quote:
FMP was done ages ago, as I pointed out earlier. The KyoAni of today is considerably different from the KyoAni that made FMP 8 or more years ago. FMP also never sold that well. So that leaves Haruhi. The thing with Haruhi is that the the LNs themselves are a blending. Its darker and action-packed sections are maybe half of the narrative, while the more conventional high school-focused slice of life-esque sections are at least half of the narrative (maybe putting aside the most recent novels). The latter is well within KyoAni's comfort zone, so that gives them enough to work with. KyoAni going half-way towards darker action-packed material is fine here since the Haruhi LNs themselves are like that. I'd be fine with KyoAni doing another Haruhi, but well-blended multi-genre narratives like that are rare gems in my view. So it's not something I'm holding out a lot of hope for, though I'd certainly be happy if KyoAni came across another Haruhi (or made one themselves). Now, of the shows that KyoAni have had the most success with - Haruhi, K-On, the Key trio, Chuuni, Free!, and maybe Hyouka - It's not hard to see how all go well with the KyoAni filter (as Guardian Enzo brought up). I think you raised some excellent points on Kyokai no Kanata and Tamako Market. I don't really fault KyoAni for "going for it" with these two shows. Tamako Market, in particular, made perfect sense given the success of K-On! with demographics that KyoAni never expected it to be successful with. But just speaking as an anime fan with some interest in the anime industry, I can't ignore the pattern I see with KyoAni's shows. The closer they stick to their comfort zone, the more likely I am to like it, and the more likely the show is to sell well. There's nothing necessarily wrong with being the best at something, and sticking to that. I used to think differently, but looking over KyoAni's full resume of works (and particularly their last 4 works), it's hard to escape the idea that they should stick to the types of content that they're clearly most comfortable with.
2014-01-05, 03:10 | Link #2442 | |
Homo Ludens
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Canada
Age: 27
No, seriously. They're special, not just because their production values are on a different level than most other studios, but because they made several shows that are considered to be classics and trigger a lot of warm memories. Last edited by Kotohono; 2014-01-05 at 04:10. |
2014-01-05, 11:55 | Link #2443 | ||||||
To that extent, I highly disagree that Kyoto Animation could not output a series like Psycho-Pass or Fate/Zero. The idea that "KyoAni must moe-ify girls, have hot teachers, or unthreatening boys" in every show is idiotic at best. Do we say that Sunrise has to have giant mecha in every show to be successful? Do we say that ufotable has to partner with Aniplex/Type-Moon to be successful? No. Are they common in those works? Yes. Then why don't we say that those companies have "comfort zones" or lenses? Easy. Because people want to complain about KyoAni because they don't like a show and they want them to do something else. We've seen people complaining about lack of Haruhi, Lucky Star, Nichijou, FMP, K-On!, action, dark, etc. Name something besides a CTFK work and there's likely a complaint KyoAni hasn't done it. It's fine to not like a show; I've even commented a few posts back about my faults with Tamako and Kyoukai. It's also simply fine to post "I didn't like it. I expected something different from it and I didn't get that." To say they're horrible because they don't "apply a filter" or "fit in a comfort zone" is not looking at the actual problems and simply trying to fit the issues into your own preconceived bias. Quote:
Tamako was more "overly ambitious" in what Yamada and Yoshida wanted to do. Yamada and Ishihara both honestly felt it could've been 4-cour long with the story she wanted to tell. How is that "half-assing" production? You say that they were trying to target two different audiences, but that's not the case. Yamada/Yoshida constantly talk about their desires to show a story about a community and the love that in there. There was no intention to "target" an audience or not, so your comments regarding that are fruitless. I've gone into detail about the faults with Kyoukai in my previous post (last page), so I'll simply say your concept of KyoAni only being able to go "half-way" is inane due to an inability to consider directors/series composers (as proven earlier in this thread due to that derail). (Damn Hanada for sticking comedy too much.) Quote:
Most people in the fandom should look at things beyond BD/DVD numbers and see a bigger impact of how revenue goes back to the committee. I know the numbers are easier to make judgements on, but that doesn't mean they're actually correct.
2014-01-05, 12:47 | Link #2444 | ||||||||||||||||
Dream Banger, Love Liver!
Which is a statement that is easily observable for anybody that has watched a solid majority or all of KyoAni's shows. There is a pattern of content there.
For an animation studio with a resume as large as KyoAni's, that predominant pattern of content clearly speaks to the creative tendencies and artistic preferences of the studio itself. Quote:
A hypothetical KyoAni comparable to this would in fact be a Fate/Zero or a Psycho-Pass or a serious mecha show in its recent resume (i.e. within the last 5 years). KyoAni simply doesn't have that. Quote:
KyoAni is like that, except on the studio level. They clearly have a creative tendency towards certain types of content. I'm not saying that's bad, I'm just saying it is what it is. Quote:
Just because production committee members, or members of the creative team, don't explicitly spell something out doesn't mean it isn't going on. That being said, sure, they were desiring to show a story about a community and the love that is in there. They were likely hoping it would appeal to a more general audience outside of otakus alone. That's one of the two target audiences I was referring to. The other being the part of the otaku audience that liked K-On. Quote:
Well-established track records and resumes matter. And not everybody is going to interpret them as favorably as you do.
2014-01-05, 12:57 | Link #2445 |
Homo Ludens
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Canada
Age: 27
You know, KyoAni's "resume" is actually quite small, next to the other studios that get a comparable amount of attention.
What you're identifying as elements of their "comfort zone" are tropes typical of modern high school (romantic) comedy anime, which almost all their works fall into in some fashion or another. So, uh, you're wrong. |
2014-01-05, 13:10 | Link #2446 | |
Dream Banger, Love Liver!
No, it's not. This is a fairly large resume of works. It's large enough for patterns to matter.
Sticking so much to a particular genre would obviously constitute having a comfort zone. So no, I'm not wrong on this one.
2014-01-05, 13:16 | Link #2447 |
Join Date: Dec 2006
Age: 31
You think it's just pure hate because people don't get their FMPs and Haruhis? You need to look beyond the whiney fanboys then. I'll give you a better reason: because the people that complain are sick to the bones of KyoAni's comfort zone. Sunrise is known as the mecha company, but they seldom produce good mecha, and good mecha is in short supply. This is not so much the fault of the company as is the fault of the genre. You can keep mecha contained to the usual tropes and you'll still be able to sell plastic models to that angsty teen with too much money. But the people in anticipation of the next big mecha series know that mecha has a couple of degrees larger potential for greatness than any of the genres KyoAni constantly retreats to, whereas KyoAni already "maxed out" on those genres. The people that buy KyoAni works are fans of those genres. KyoAni has done them so many times it's not strange at all that they are good at what they do and that their audience thinks they do a good job at it. But more importantly to this discussion, they go a step further and transform properties to fit their usual product, or they just go for properties that fit products that sold in the past. This is what is meant by lense or whatever ppl said. It's intentional that they retreat to these genres, because they know they will do them justice. That is the very definition of a comfort zone.
2014-01-05, 13:49 | Link #2448 | |
Let's Flip Flapping!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Pure Illusion
Age: 26
Too bad Nichijou sucked and bombed.
2014-01-05, 15:25 | Link #2450 | |
Homo Ludens
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Canada
Age: 27
So you'd rather have an objective production issue like cut corners rather than a subjective direction or scripting issue like "bad humor" or "crappy characters". Okay.
Personally I'd rather have neither. Quote:
In any case, what Enzo was claiming was that those elements that make up the "comfort zone"/"lens"/"allergen" are something unique to KyoAni. They aren't, and for that matter highschool comedies or romantic comedies make up a pretty sizeable percentage of the anime released each year. KyoAni is not special in this regard. They -are- special in that they do very little else, but that doesn't mean that they couldn't or that if they did, it would be bad. Kyokai is mediocre for reasons that have nothing to do with these magical "filters" of yours. Last edited by Tyabann; 2014-01-05 at 15:43. |
2014-01-05, 16:05 | Link #2451 | ||||||
Dream Banger, Love Liver!
The question is which bad is less tolerable - production cut corners, or issues like bad humor and crappy characters. With the admitted exception of recap episodes (which I do loathe), I'd take production cut corners over bad humor and crappy characters if forced to choose one or the other. A good recent example of this "choice" is Kill La Kill vs. Kyoukai no Kanata. Of the two, I'm with Tempester, I prefer Kill La Kill. Quote:
Does that mean they can't possibly do a good show outside of their comfort zone/specialization? Of course not. But it does leave me a bit skeptical of the idea. Meanwhile, I'm quite confident that they can do shows like Chuuni and Free! well. They've proven themselves there. Quote:
Tags |
studios |
Thread Tools | |


text:
Owls De-Claw the Tigers, Get First-Ever Win Over Memphis
The Memphis Tigers were the number one team in Conference USA Saturday afternoon. In a conference guaranteed only one team in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament, the Tigers were primed to be that team. They just forgot one thing. They had to play the Rice Owls on Saturday night.John Royal Connor Frizzelle drives the baseline in the first half
Overlooking the Owls was understandable. The Tigers had never lost to Rice, and the Owls as usual were slumping, having lost seven of their last ten games, and eight of their 11 conference games. But while the Tigers' 20-6 record looked pretty good, lost in the numbers was the relatively weak out-of-conference schedule and their struggles to defeat the likes of Arkansas State, Texas A&M-Corpus Christi and ECU while losing to the likes of Marshall and SMU.
So the Rice Owls defeating the Tigers 67-52 on Saturday night shouldn't be too much of a surprise. That Memphis looked to be a tad overrated by many supporters also shouldn't have been much of a surprise. That Rice took the lead with three minutes gone in the first half and never surrendered it for the rest of the game should be somewhat surprising. But nothing should be more surprising than Rice dominating Memphis in every single aspect of the game.
"Probably at the beginning, from the jump ball," guard Tamir Jackson said when asked when he knew Rice could defeat Memphis. "We knew that we could take them. We knew we just had to stick together and play our game and we were going to come out with the victory."
Upcoming Events
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 10AM-3PM
TicketsFri., Mar. 31, 10:00am
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 3PM-8PM
TicketsFri., Mar. 31, 3:00pm
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 10AM-6PM
TicketsSun., Apr. 2, 10:00am
Rice Owls Men's Baseball vs. Louisiana Tech Bulldogs Men's Baseball
TicketsFri., Apr. 7, 6:30pm
The Owls out-shot Memphis. They out-rebounded Memphis. They committed fewer turnovers. Head coach Ben Braun matched Memphis coach Josh Pastner move for move. The Rice defenders, especially forward Suleiman Braimoh, were constantly a step ahead, a move ahead of the Memphis players.
Braimoh was a wonder on the night. Playing only 14 minutes, he finished with eight points on offense and four rebounds. But it was defense where his presence was really felt as he blocked three shots and stole the ball four times -- that figure really seems small as it seems he was getting his hands on the ball every time Memphis was on offense in the second half.
"I know what my strengths are," Braimoh said. "And they might not necessarily be on the offensive end, or totally on the defensive end, but I do know that the one thing I can bring every day, regardless of how the ball bounces, is my effort and energy, and I think today was one of those days where I was fortunate to bring that energy, translate it to the offense, translate it to the defense, and the team fed off of it, and I was happy for that."
Memphis took the 3-0 lead on a three-pointer 1:38 into the first half. They were up 4-2 with 2:52 gone in the half. But then Lucas Kuipers hit a three to put Rice up 5-4, and from that point on, the Owls did whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. They got their first-half lead up to 33-19 with 2:35 left, at which point Memphis went on a mini-run to get the score to 35-26 at the half. And the thinking was, the feeling was, that Memphis would come out on a run to start the second half and catch Rice before putting them away for another of their close victories.
But the Owls didn't allow that to happen. Memphis scored just two points, on free throws, in the first 4:49 of the second half before finally making a basket. And they were able to get the score to 39-32, but the Owls continuously beat Memphis's full-court press defense to score from the field or the free-throw line while clamping down on the Memphis defense.John Royal Lucas Kuipers is blocked during the first half
"I thought our guys really battled," Braun said afterward. "It's one of the most complete games we've played in terms of our effort. To hold Memphis to 26 points a half, defensively, was huge. I thought we played good defense on the ball. We got in the gaps....Defensively this was about effort and toughness and making it difficult for to Memphis get good looks at the basket."
And depriving Memphis of those looks, swarming the ball, hitting shots led Rice to their first ever defeat of the Tigers. But more important than beating Memphis, the win puts Rice (12-14, 4-8) into a tie with Houston and ahead of UCF and Tulane for the all-important last spot in the C-USA Tournament while more than likely depriving Memphis (20-7, 8-4) of any chance of an at-large bid to the NCAA Tournament.
SOME MISCELLANEOUS NOTES: Forward Arsalan Kazemi racked up another double-double as he finished the night with 11 points and 12 rebounds to go with three steals and four assists. Tamir Jackson was the game's leading scorer, finishing with 20 points....The Owls shot only 44 percent for the game, but they held Memphis to a 35.4-percent shooting night, including three of 17 from behind the three-point line....There are only four more games in the season for Rice, but two of the four are at Tudor Fieldhouse and the final game is against Houston at Hofheinz Pavilion.
In Case You Missed It
Upcoming Events
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 10AM-3PM
TicketsWed., Mar. 29, 10:00am
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 3PM-8PM
TicketsWed., Mar. 29, 3:00pm
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 10AM-3PM
TicketsThu., Mar. 30, 10:00am
Gridiron Glory: The Best of Pro Football HOF -- 3PM-8PM
TicketsThu., Mar. 30, 3:00pm
Sponsor Content


text: ROXY ROCA has been officially selected to perform at South by Southwest (SXSW) 2013! Last year was our first year to perform at SXSW and we had an amazing experience. We are both thrilled and humbled to be asked back this year. Stay tuned for details on the time and place for our showcase as well as what are sure to be some killer day parties.


text:
Dyke Central Premiere
Thursday, October 6th, 2011 — 7pm
Grand Lake Theater
3200 Grand Avenue
Oakland, CA
Join us for a stellar night of glitz and glamour, entertainment, performance and, of course, the premiere of the pilot episode of Dyke Central!
The evening will be hosted by D'Lo, and will include a fashion show (featuring the new MoC clothing line Marimacho, Distinguished Cravat, and Young & Faithful), musical performances from such talents as Jurni Rayne, and the opportunity to meet the cast in person, as well as mingle with special guests. See you on the red carpet!


text:
By Becky Hand, MS, Licensed and Registered Dietitian
Stop focusing on all the foods you can't have, and start adding more of these healthful and delicious foods to your meals. Eating for a healthier heart never tasted so good!
These coldwater fish are one of the richest sources of heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids. Omega-3 fats can decrease your risk of arrhythmias, reduce your triglyceride levels, decrease blood pressure and slow the formation of plaque in your blood vessels. Enjoy at least two servings of fish weekly, preferably fatty fish like salmon, tuna, mackerel, herring, sardines, and lake trout. For more tips on picking the healthiest types of fish, click here.
Serving Tip: Grill salmon and glaze lightly with your favorite BBQ sauce during the last 5 minutes of cooking.
15-Minute Fish Recipes
These tiny seeds are packed with omega-3 fatty acids, too, as well as fiber and phytoestrogens called lignans—all which can benefit your heart. Make sure you use ground flaxseed and store the package in your refrigerator to prevent those healthy fats from going bad. A little goes a long way and you only need about 1-2 teaspoons daily. Learn more about flaxseed.
Serving Tip: Sprinkle ground flaxseed on hot breakfast cereal, add it to smoothies, or mix it into casseroles and meatloaf.
Recipes That Feature Flax
The soluble fiber found in oats is especially good at binding with cholesterol and reducing its absorption in your body. It therefore helps to lower your total cholesterol and LDL "bad" cholesterol. Soluble fiber is also found in beans, barley, lentils, apples, citrus fruit and squash.
Serving Tip: To beat the morning rush, try Crockpot oatmeal! And if your oatmeal is starting to feel a little bland, try one of these 20 stir-in ideas to revitalize your breakfast!
This "musical fruit" is magical for your heart thanks to its soluble fiber content. A 1/2-cup serving contains 6-7 grams of total fiber (1-3 grams of which is soluble fiber). One USDA Agricultural Research study found that consuming just 1/2 cup of beans daily could help lower total cholesterol and LDL "bad" cholesterol in healthy people and individuals with an increased risk of heart disease. So enjoy 3-5 servings each week.
Serving Tip: No time to cook up a batch, don't worry. Use your favorite canned variety, just drain and rinse for 1 minute under tap water to remove up to 40% of the sodium. Then add them to your favorite soup or casserole; or top of your lunch-time salad.
More tips for cooking, using, and enjoying beans
Go nuts! Almonds, cashews, hazelnuts, macadamia nuts, pecans, walnuts--all nuts contain heart-healthy monounsaturated fats, which can help reduce your unhealthy LDL cholesterol level. Nuts have also been shown to promote the feeling of fullness when trying to lose weight. However, portion size is the key. Enjoy a 1-ounce portion (a small handful about the size of a golf ball) 3-5 times a week.
Serving Tip: Choose unsalted nuts whenever possible. Sprinkle chopped nuts on top of your yogurt, breakfast cereal or salad, or coat baked fish or chicken with a layer of coarsely ground nuts.
Soy protein has been shown to be effective in decreasing the risk of coronary heart disease by lowering blood cholesterol levels. Enjoy up to 2 servings daily to obtain the recommended 25 grams of soy protein from soymilk, tofu, edamame, roasted soy nuts or tempeh.
Serving Tip: There are so many ways to enjoy soy, there everyone is bound to find a soy food he or she finds delicious! Tofu doesn't have to be scary, either. Here's how to prepare it.
Tasty Tofu Recipes
Spinach, kale, collard greens, Swiss chard, bok choy and other dark, leafy greens are filled with the antioxidant lutein. Preliminary research indicates this carotenoid may protect against plaque buildup and prevent clogging of the arteries. Plus, these leafy greens also provide the body with fiber, folate, potassium and calcium, which all promote heart health.
Serving Tip: Go green! Try a green smoothie for breakfast or afternoon snack.
Research indicates that green tea may help to reduce LDL "bad" cholesterol, triglycerides and total cholesterol levels, while increasing your HDL "good" cholesterol. The catechins found in tea appear to hamper the body's inflammatory response as well. Can you say, tea time? Enjoy up to 4-5 cups daily.
Serving Tip: To receive the benefit of green tea, brew your own. Bottled varieties contain very little antioxidants.
Next time you need a chocolate fix, reach for dark chocolate that contains at least 70% cocoa. Researchers have discovered that the flavonoids in cocoa may help to thin your blood and benefit your cardiovascular health, as well as reduce inflammation. As always, moderation is the key. Enjoy about 3/4 ounce of dark chocolate, 3 times a week and balance your intake to avoid excess calories and weight gain.
Serving Tip: Mix up a batch of trail mix using a whole grain cereal, raisins, nuts and dark chocolate chips. Portion it into small containers for a convenient and inexpensive snack on the go!
Dark Chocolate Dessert Recipes
Considerable evidence suggests that lycopene, the bright-red carotenoid found in red foods (tomatoes, carrots, watermelons, red grapefruits, and papayas), may play an active role in the prevention of cardiovascular disease. Tomatoes and tomato products, including ketchup, tomato juice, and tomato sauce are the richest sources of lycopene; these concentrated tomato products also provide vitamin C, vitamin A, and potassium, all of which benefit the heart.
Serving Tip: For a quick and healthy dinner, try this Tomato, Spinach and Feta Pizza. Now that's pizza with pizzazz!
Numerous studies are showing that dairy products, when consumed appropriately, can benefit the heart. It appears that dairy products and fermented dairy products like yogurt can help lower blood pressure and improve your lipid profile. But the key is to select varieties that are lower in saturated fat: skim or 1% milk, nonfat yogurt, and low-fat cheeses. These foods are packed with calcium, protein and much-needed vitamin D. Aim for 2-3 servings daily.
Serving Tip: Whip up a delicious smoothie using 6 oz of nonfat yogurt, 3/4 cup skim milk, 10 frozen strawberries, and 1 banana. Enjoy for breakfast or as a snack. Leftovers can be frozen into pops for a great frozen treat!
It's a common misconception that all fat is bad for your heart. In fact, the monounsaturated fats found in olive oil and olives can help your heart by lowering your bad cholesterol level. Still, keep your total fat intake to 25-35% of your calories each day.
Serving Tip: Sauté those colorful vegetables in 1 teaspoon of olive oil OR mix up your favorite salad dressing using olive oil and a flavored vinegar.
You will earn 5 SparkPoints
Great just my way of tkinking |
Great just my way of tkinking |
I have tried green tea many times, many different varieties but it always makes me nauseated. Anyone else have this trouble? Any ideas? |
Everyone of these things I have eaten for years, and years. Hopefully, they have done me some good. I think so. The only thing that I had to back down a little from is chocolate. Since being thyroidless, it gives me heart palps. I sneak some in though. I love Sparkpeople. Sooo much good and meaningful things. |
Sadly I can't eat most of the stuff. I do eat my dark green veggies, tomato's oats and olive oil. I'm allergic to the rest |
I eat all but soy, I'll have to try that next! Very good slides |
This was very helpful for meal planning. |
I eat most of those! |
Yet another reason to eat chocolate! |
Like one of the other comments, I do all except soy. I don't refuse to eat something with edamame or tofu in it, but I don't go out of my way to eat them. How ever I do avoid miso since it triggers my migraines. |
Accurate, good, yet brief- Thanks. A quick lesson in heart health |
Great information! Am planning a heart healthy snack buffet for work on Valentines day and this has given me tons of ideas! |
Flaxseed is very easy to add to many things. It really doesn't have much taste but it adds just a touch of texture even when it is ground which is how you should buy it or in a liquid form. You can add it to soups, breads, rice, pasta dishes, on and on. The hardest part is just getting used to grabbing for it if it is something new to use. |
I already eat 11 out of 12, yea! Wish I wasn't allergic to salmon it looks so yummy |
Thanks for sharing |


text:
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Single Malt Yoichi 1989
Yoichi Single Malt 1989 has just been released and is on sale
, if you are very quick indeed. Only 3,500 bottles of the
grandson of the world beater
. 21,000 yen for one bottle.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Newer Post
Older Post
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)


text: Hockey, Everybody!Timothy Burke10/10/12 9:00amFiled to: The daily screencapHockeyKHLalexander ovechkinNhl lockoutNewsSports5EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalink We noted yesterday there is indeed professional hockey being played, and much of it can actually be watched on television! ESPN2 aired the much-anticipated Lev-Dynamo game, one claimed by Moscow after Alexander Ovechkin seized a mishandled puck and tucked it in for the game's only goal. Was it enjoyable hockey? Well, it was hockey—sort of. It lacked a lot of the pace and hits NHL fans are accustomed to, and frankly it was pretty boring. But until the owners end the lockout, this is what we get.Reply5 repliesLeave a reply


text:
Sameday Pickles
Author Notes: Last year I had the urge to make pickles, I did enough research to know I needed whole spices, not ground ones and trekked down to Sahadi's, a local store, to buy them. I could've gone for the premixed pickling spices but wanted to make my own signature blend. The star anise, in particular added a mildy pleasant licorice note.
I got home, fed the baby her lunch and down she went for a nap. Then it came time to actually read through all the cookbooks I had laid out on the counter. Well, every darn one called for soaking the pickles for a minimum of eight hours and some even overnight. All I had was about two hours—how long my little one would likely nap.
The main reason for the soak in cold water seems to be to crisp up the cukes. These were quite firm already, so I had a hunch I cold forgo that step. I did decide to sprinkle them with some kosher salt and let them sit as I prepped the other ingredients. I figured this would draw out some excess water and hopefully make the end product a bit more crunchy. In less than two hours—they time to cool, the pickles were ready to eat and the baby was well-rested. A good day for both of us.
—Jennifer Perillo
Serves 1 quart
- 4 cups thinly sliced kirby cucumbers (no more than 1/4-inch thick)
- 1 onion, thinly sliced
- 2 tablespoons coarse salt
- 2 cups apple cider vinegar
- 1 1/2 cups sugar
- 1 piece dried star anise
- 2 teaspoons mustard seeds
- 1/4 teaspoon dried allspice berries
- 1/4 teaspoon celery seeds
- 1/2 teaspoon coriander seeds
- 1/2-inch piece dried ginger, sliced
- Add cucumber and onion slices to a deep bowl. Sprinkle with salt and toss well. Let stand for 30 minutes. Rinse and set aside.
- Meanwhile, add vinegar and sugar to a deep pot. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cook for 5 minutes. Add spices along with the rinsed cucumber and onion slices. Return to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook gently 5 more minutes. Do not overcook, or you'll end with limp pickles. Let cool. Will last a few weeks in airtight containers in the refrigerator or process in canning jars.
- This recipe was entered in the contest for Your Best Cucumber Recipe
More Great Recipes:


text:
MEL STA. MARIA | Though deserving of censure, Carlos Celdran is no criminal
The online news portal of TV5
Atty. Mel Sta. Maria teaches at the Ateneo School of Law. He is the resident legal analyst of TV5.
As I said in my previous article, Carlos Celdran has a very legitimate advocacy. But I also think that the manner by which he manifested that advocacy was distasteful. He did it inside a church with priests, bishops and the faithful as witnesses while an ecumenical prayer service was going on. And I said too that it was crazy to say that no one was offended by his act. For me, Carlos Celdran definitely went beyond the boundaries of decent protest.
But is that enough to make Carlos Celdran a criminal under Article 133 of the Revised Penal Code? Though what he did was despicable to many, my answer is "NO". His criminal conviction, I believe, should be reversed.
First, in the commission of a crime pursuant to our 80-year-old- Revised Penal Code under which Celdran was judged, it is a basic rule that there is no crime when there is no criminal mind. Actus non facit reum, nisi mens sit rea. Thus in Bagajo vs. Marave decided by our Supreme Court where a teacher inflicted corporal punishment on a student resulting in injuries, the Supreme Court ruled that the teacher cannot be considered a criminal under the Revised Penal Code because her intention, which was duly proven in court, was to discipline the child. There was no criminal intent. Though liable administratively, the teacher was acquitted of the crime of physical injuries. (This case was decided prior to the modern RA NO. 7610 "Child Abuse Law" where intent appears to be immaterial.)
In the case of Carlos Celdran, I am convinced that it was farthest from his mind to commit a crime when he protested. Though his ways were intrusive, there was no premeditated desire to feloniously injure the feelings of the faithful. His actions may have been offensive to those present, but his intentions were only to relay his protest against the very strong and equally offensive stand of the religious on the RH issue. Like the teacher in the Bagajo case, Celdran may have overstepped the bounds of acceptability, but his intentions were not evil. Again, under the Revised Penal Code, there is no crime when there is no criminal mind.
Second, former United State Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren once said, "it is the spirit and not the form of the law that keeps justice alive." This statement was inspired by the biblical tenet that says "not of the letter, but of the spirit; for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life."
In the conviction of Celdran, the letter of the law was so literally applied without having regard to the law's true intention. Article 133 of the Revised Penal Code provides the penalty for imprisonment "upon anyone who, in a place devoted to religious worship or during the celebration of any religious ceremony, shall perform acts notoriously offensive to the feelings of the faithful."
Anything can be "notoriously offensive", but a broad interpretation of this phrase is not the spirit of the law. In fact, as early as 1939, Justice Jose Laurel, citing Spanish legal authorities interpreting the Spanish law from which Article 133 was patterned, already opined that an act,
"in order to be considered as notoriously offensive to the religious feelings, must be one directed against religious practice or dogma or ritual for the purpose of ridicule; the offender, for instance, mocks, scoffs at or attempts to damage an object of religious veneration; it must be abusive, insulting and obnoxious."
Celdran may have been "notoriously offensive" within the literal letter of the law, but it was not the kind of notoriety which was within the spirit of the law. Accordingly, the result, I believe, was a wrongful verdict against Celdran. What was applied to him was strictly limited to the law's words that "killeth" without regard to the spirit "that keeps justice alive."
If we are to apply Article 133 of the Revised Penal Code the way it was applied to convict Celdran, then the State might as well file criminal cases against those priests who were vitriolic in their homilies against pro-RH advocates.
The law cannot be one-sided. It must apply to all. Atty. Ampy Sta.Maria, my wife and a human rights advocate, had this eye-opening observation on her Facebook Timeline. She said:
"Some of my acquaintances and I, myself, should have thought about this law when we were hearing vicious attacks from the pulpit against those who supported the RH Bill while attending the mass because we, as part of the 'faithful', naturally found these attacks 'offensive' - especially those referring to us as being spawns of Satan and that we deserve to be ex-communicated. Did we count as members of the 'faithful'? Definitely. So could the priests and bishops qualify as 'offenders' even though they were the ones celebrating the mass? I should think so. And with all the feelings of hate and resentment generated by their ungodly attacks, I think they anticipated that something like what Celdran did could happen. Thus, the question is: did Celdran commit an act which is 'notoriously' offensive? Not all that is offensive should be dealt with with a criminal liability. What our laws should criminalize are acts within the purview of 'hate crimes' - those committed because of discriminatory sentiments, bias and prejudice.
The mass does not give them the blanket authority to be offensive in the homily. Discourse is one thing, being slandered is another. As a mass-goer, and listening to the homily, I do not expect to be labeled an anti-life, anti-family, anti-Mary, anti-Christ, and to be blackmailed with ex-communication. I am part of the Church, too, and have the right to engage them in issues where we do not agree. It is not proper for them to use the mass for uttering these scathing words. But some of us tolerate them out of reverence for the institution itself. Some of us think otherwise and strike back - in the very venue where the attacks started. And so my point is, having this as context, could the act of Celdran be considered notorious, because the law requires the act to be one before you become liable."
I agree with the observations of Atty. Ampy.
I still do not like what Carlos Celdran did inside the church. It was despicable. Everytime I see Celdran's picture where he, costumed and all and with an emoting face, appears to be in jail clutching its bars with both hands, I could only see hubris. True, he may have apologized, but I have always believed that the pre-requisite for an authentic apology is humility.
Civilly, a case for civil damages against Celdran could have been filed by those priests who were present during the ecumenical prayer service for disrespecting the exercise of their religion. But this has become irrelevant considering the acceptance of Celdran's apology by the Church hierarchy .
In the end, however, eventhough Carlos Celdran may be obnoxious to many, I believe he did not commit a crime - at least not under Article 133 of our 80-year-old Revised Penal Code. He should have been acquitted of the charge.


text:
This fried food needs no dipping sauce because the sauce is already there. Just add water.
Here are La Vie en Szechuan's fried mushrooms ($18.95), slim and tender within their crisp, tempura-like batter (some slivers of green pepper join the ride). The seasoning is light, just enough to bring out the mushroom's natural flavor, and the batter is grease-free. They are good fried mushrooms and would do well in any bar.
But here they're also topped with a dusting of finely shaved salted, cured egg yolk, which is as addictive as finely grated Parmesan and as interesting to eat as the shaved frozen foie gras at other, more expensive restaurants. The yolk shavings melt in your mouth, equal parts salty and sweet, and they form something akin to insta-mayo as you chew.
If La Vie en Szechuan has a specialty that sets it apart from all the other midtown spots, it's their ever so slightly unconventional versions of more classic dishes New Yorkers have gotten used to, like Chongqing chicken with crunchy cracker-like snacks tossed among the chilies, or these mushrooms and their surprisingly creamy dusting of yolk. The menu is huge and a little intimidating, though it rewards exploration.
About the author: Max Falkowitz is the editor of Serious Eats: New York. You can follow him on Twitter at @maxfalkowitz.


text:
Founded in 1986, D-Link is a global leader in the design, manufacture and marketing of advanced networking, broadband, digital, voice and data communications solutions. Following our company motto, "Building Networks for People", D-Link continually meets the global networking and connectivity needs of digital home consumers, small office professionals, small- to medium-sized businesses, and enterprise environments.
D-Link NetDefend UTM Firewall DFL-260 and DFL-860 are integrated with Kaspersky SafeStream to protect against the most active viruses, Trojans, worms as well as spyware programs that propagate via the Internet today. Wire-speed malware protection and minimal added latency are achieved due to stream-based malware scanning and hardware acceleration technology.
Supported technology: Kaspersky SafeStream
DFL-260 and DFL-860 NetDefend UTM firewalls
The D-Link DFL-260 and DFL-860 NetDefend Unified Threat Management (UTM) firewalls are powerful security solution designed to protect the small to mid-sized offices from a wide variety of network threats. These firewalls provide integrated remote routing, Network Address Translation (NAT), Virtual Private Network (VPN), proactive network security, Intrusion Prevention System (IPS), Web Content Filtering (WCF), Anti-Virus (AV) Protection, traffic load balancing and bandwidth management, all in one compact desktop chassis that can be easily integrated to existing network.
Integrated Firewall/VPN Appliance
Powerful Firewall Engine
Virtual Private Network (VPN) Security
Granular Bandwidth Management
802.1Q VLAN Tagging
Advanced Firewall Functions
Stateful Packet Inspection (SPI)
Detect/Drop Intruding Packets
Server Load Balancing
Policy-Based Routing
Robust Application Security for ALGs
Unified Threat Management Intrusion Prevention System (IPS) Anti-Virus (AV) Protection Web Content Filtering (WCF)


text:
Comment To aid debugging, not to get you to bug fix (Score 2, Interesting) 310
I think a lot of people misunderstand the purpose behind Microsoft doing this. This is to aid debugging by allowing you to see what that mysterious function is actually doing. The fact this then makes it easy for people to report bugs is a very welcome by-product.


text:
It's been a big day for Lil' Wayne. It opened with the release of "What Your Girl Like," his collaboration with Chris Brown, then hit the gossip columns when his implication in a love triangle with James Harden and Trina raised questions about why he was blocked from entering last night's Thunder-Spurs game. Now "My Homies Still," a collaboration with GOOD Music upstart Big Sean and the first release from Wayne's upcoming I Am Not A Human Being Pt. 2, has been leaked, thanks to DDotOmen. Check it out below.
Chris Brown - "What Your Girl Like" F. Lil Wayne | Ginger Baker, Iggy Pop "Lonely Boy" (Black Keys Cover) |