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TRIGGER WARNING: This content deals with an account of sexual assault and may be triggering to some people.
When you're being raped time does not stop. Time does not speed up and jump ahead like it does when you are with friends. Instead, time becomes your nemesis; it slows to such an excruciating pace that every second becomes an hour, every minute a year, and the rape becomes a lifetime.
On May 25, 2011, I was raped by an acquaintance in Crossett Dormitory on Amherst College campus.
Some nights I can still hear the sounds of his roommates on the other side of the door, unknowingly talking and joking as I was held down; it is far from a pleasant wakeup call.
I had always fancied myself a strong, no-nonsense woman, whose intense independence was cultivated by seventeen harrowing years of emotional abuse in my backwoods home. May 25th temporarily shattered that self-image and left me feeling like the broken victim that I had never wanted to be.
Everything I had believed myself to be was gone in 30 minutes.
I did not report the rape after it occurred. Almost immediately after the rape I flew off to California, got lost in the beauty of the redwoods, the phenomenal art, and meeting the most unique people I'd ever beheld.
I blocked the rape from my mind and tried to convince myself that it hadn't happened; that it couldn't have happened. But there was no denying the facts.
One week before I was supposed to fly back East, everything rushed over and consumed me. My memory had been restored and I wasn't sure how I would be able to hold myself together for that year, let alone for the upcoming three years.
When I returned to Amherst for my sophomore year, I designed a simple plan of attack for surviving: Business as usual combined with a new mantra I will NOT cry.
First semester passed relatively well, there were rocky times, but I kept it together. I masked fear with smiles. I mastered the art of avoiding prying questions. I drowned myself in work and extracurricular activities in order to hide my personal pain. I was unnervingly good at playing the role of well-adjusted sophomore.
It was inevitable though that this masquerade would become too overwhelming and that my façade would shatter.
In February twisted fate decided that I had to work with him on a fundraiser. E-mails. Stopping me in the gym and at the dining hall. Smirks. Winks. Pats on my back. It was all too much.
My masquerade was over.
I broke down and for the next several months, he won.
I spent most of my spring semester an emotional wreck. I saw his face everywhere I went. I heard his voice mocking me in my own head. I imagined new rapists hiding behind every shower curtain and potted plant. I bandaged the situation by throwing myself into more work and by resolutely refusing to acknowledge that I was anything but well adjusted.
Eventually I reached a dangerously low point, and, in my despondency, began going to the campus' sexual assault counselor. In short I was told: No you can't change dorms, there are too many students right now. Pressing charges would be useless, he's about to graduate, there's not much we can do. Are you SURE it was rape? It might have just been a bad hookup…You should forgive and forget.
How are you supposed to forget the worst night of your life?
I didn't know what to do any more. For four months I continued wandering around campus, distancing from my friends, and going to counseling center. I was continuously told that I had to forgive him, that I was crazy for being scared on campus, and that there was nothing that could be done. They told me: We can report your rape as a statistic, you know for records, but I don't recommend that you go through a disciplinary hearing. It would be you, a faculty advisor of your choice, him, and a faculty advisor of his choice in a room where you would be trying to prove that he raped you. You have no physical evidence, it wouldn't get you very far to do this.
Hours locked in a room with him and being called a liar about being raped? No thank you, I could barely handle seeing him from the opposite end of campus; I knew I couldn't handle that level of negativity.
When May rolled around, everything finally came to a head. My "Anniversary" was coming up and all of the terror that I had intermittently felt that year became one giant ball of horror that filled my life. He was still out there. He could get to me again. If I told anyone he would find out and do it again. No, no, no, no, no.
For my independent studies photography course I produced a series of 20 self-portraits representing myself before, during, and after the rape.
I showed them to my classmates. Their words stung like hornets: You look funny…I don't get it, why are you so upset?
I went to the counseling center, as they always tell you to do, and spoke about how genuinely sad I was at Amherst, how much I wanted to leave, and how scared I was on a daily basis. "I should just drink darkroom developer or something…"
Twenty minutes later campus police was escorting me into an ambulance. They were even less understanding: There's something seriously wrong with you; you're not healthy and normal right now. No, you can't say no. You HAVE to go, but don't worry, you won't have to be there too long. This is for your own good. Amherst cares about you and wants you to get better.
On May 5th I entered Cooley Dickinson Hospital's Emergency Room. Three hours after sitting curled up and terrified on a hospital bed I was admitted into the Psychiatric Ward for depression and suicidal thoughts. The doctor was skeptical to say the least: I really don't think that a school like Amherst would allow you to be raped. And why didn't you tell anybody? That just doesn't make any sense...Your anger and sadness right now seem unfounded and irrational, someone your age should not be this sad—it's not normal. We'll be admitting you in a few minutes, they'll take good care of you. They'll get you some drugs and they'll make you feel happy again…If you don't willingly enter we'll have a judge issue a court order legally forcing you to stay there. Trust us, this is for your own good.
So much for not having to stay.
The Psychiatric Ward was a lovely place: the top floor of the hospital, bare white walls, Spartan furnishings, and two stainless steel locked doors at either end of the corridor making sure that anyone who goes in, stays in. Doctors and Nurse Practitioners wondered around the bare hallways checking in on myself and my fellow patients—every fifteen minutes they recorded where we were, what we were doing, and whether we looked happy. In the morning we were given our drugs; if you didn't take them you would have to be there longer. It was in our best interest to take them, so they told us.
During the day we discussed our thoughts and feelings, our inhibitions, our strengths, but more often than not we did nothing.
When you're forced to sit and think about yourself for hours on end, you go through four stages of existence.
Stage 1: Hysteria—Characterized by denying that anything is wrong, "I'm perfectly fine" and "I don't belong here," are common phrases during this stage.
Stage 2: Numb and Ornery—You have finally realized that something is wrong with you, but you are overwhelmed and confused about how to go about fixing your problem. You therefore decide not to do anything.
Stage 3: Determination—You realize that the only way you're allowed to leave the Ward is if you "get better" and "solve your problems." Every fiber of your being thus goes into these two tasks.
Stage 4: Enlightenment—Everything falls into place. Your mind is no longer an oppressive hell and it begins to function again. The outside world no longer seems so daunting.
You are then permitted to leave.
My Enlightenment occurred when I least expected it. Four days into the Ward, I was sitting in on an introductory Substance Abuse and Mental Health Rehabilitation meeting since there was absolutely nothing better to do. To start us off, the meeting leader decided to have everyone go around and talk about why we were on the Ward. We went around the circle: hours in rehab, drug relapses, alcoholism, abusive boyfriends, being an abusive boyfriend, and escapism from the stresses of daily life. The stories weren't the superficial accounts that you read in a person's medical file; they were real life. Every problem, every ounce of frustration, every personal tick was laid bare that evening. And everyone was open, not proud, just blunt and sincere; the desire to improve their lives was palpable.
Over the past four days, I had yet to touch upon "what I was in for," my story was a mystery to everyone around me.
As my fellow patients went around the circle it all suddenly clicked. I realized why I never spoke about the rape, why I had refused to tell my school friends, why I had totally broken down, why I had steadily degenerated over the past few months. I was ashamed, and because of this shame I could not begin healing.
"Silence has the rusty taste of shame," a fellow survivor once wrote.
I had been far too silent, far too ashamed.
That night I told them everything.
For the first time I told my story and I was not ashamed.
Later that night, as I lay in bed—still in an adrenaline induced state of wakefulness—I heard my roommate whisper my name, and then, a question.
"Are you still awake?"
"Thought so…"
A long pause. She'd been in the meeting.
What was she thinking? What would she say?
"I just wanted to tell you, I…I know how it feels. My uncle raped me when I was 15. The police never arrested him. Rape "wasn't their top priority." It still hurts…You're incredibly brave to talk about it…I rarely do."
She was 42 years old.
I did not sleep. That night I realized that from then on I could not stay silent—if not for myself, then for my roommate.
I had reached the apex of Stage 4.
I decided that once I was released I would continue with my plans to study abroad that upcoming semester; I would be rejuvenated when I returned to campus in the winter, ready to take on the world and fight for survivor rights.
I would be strong again.
From the moment I woke, this plan hit one pitfall after another; a domino effect of roadblocks that continued for the next three months.
I sat at breakfast in bright spirits, attempting to carry on a conversation with a manic depressive woman who rarely talked. I was so genuinely happy that her lack of responses didn't even bother me—I just talked at her.
In the middle of my stimulating conversation my harried looking social worker suddenly strode into the dining room and headed purposefully over to me.
She looked grim and angry. "They're trying to prevent you from going back."
I was shocked.
She began rattling off the Administration's policy regarding students released from psychiatric care. In order for students to be allowed back they had to have parental supervision while on campus in order to make sure that the student did not relapse into substance abuse again (the most common reason for student admittance into the Ward). This meant that a parent would stay in a hotel near campus and would then follow their child around for two weeks until the "all clear" period was reached. "And since you don't have parents…"
She trailed off awkwardly and began to resolutely examine the upper left-hand corner of the dining room.
I must have been speechless for a good minute as a bizarre series of emotions plowed me over.
Shock to incredulity, back to shock, to sadness to anger, back to shock again, then back to sadness, and then an overwhelming amount of shame and embarrassment settled over me. I'm not worthy of even going back; that's how disgusting I am. I can't even step foot on campus…
Panic welled up inside of me.
Did this mean I was trapped on the Ward forever? God, no, I couldn't handle that. I wasn't crazy!
Claustrophobia and paranoia dropped on top of me and I wildly scanned the room. I met my roommate's eyes. She was looking at me with worry: What's wrong?
The room stopped spinning, the walls went back to their normal locations, I could breathe again, and now I was angry. I told her flat out: Let me get this straight. I was raped on their campus. I had an emotional breakdown because I didn't feel safe and felt harassed on their campus. I went to their counseling center, like they told me to, and I told them how I was feeling. They decided that I should be sent to the hospital. And now they won't allow me back on their campus? They allow rapists back on campus, but they won't allow the girl who was raped back? The girl who did nothing wrong.
She told me: Well, when you put it that way…
The maniacal grin on my social worker's face as she walked off was wonderful.
Needless to say, Amherst let me back on campus later that evening. Five days after being admitted, I was finally released from the Ward.
The car ride back to campus with my dean was, also needless to say, the most awkward car ride of my life. I looked at her: You know, I'm really glad that y'all let me back on campus, for a while there I was pretty worried and I was actually preparing an argument for why I should be allowed back…
Her response: No, no, no! That's not what happened, you must have just misunderstood the situation! We're so happy to have you back! Amherst is just such a wonderful place, we know you'll be happy to be back!
A big misunderstanding, I was skeptical.
In the following days I decided that my best policy when dealing with Amherst at the moment would be "let's let bygones be bygones." I quickly forgave the Administration and focused on just being happy to be out. On the inside though I was still dripping with anger, shame, and embarrassment.
Several days after my release I had to defend my chance to study abroad. My chance to leave campus for the first time in 8 months, my chance to relax and heal in a new environment, my biggest chance to revive my love of Amherst, and my chance to move on in life by studying what I truly love. The prospect had gotten me through the most frigid hours on the Ward and I was convinced that it would be the perfect way to continue my healing process.
I half-heartedly murmured, Your actions were understandable. I understand your policy when dealing with depression and students coming out of the Psychiatric Ward…during the meeting that included my dean and several of the campus counselors. Relief instantly flashed across all of their faces and the atmosphere rose in friendliness.
Then: The Ward was the best thing that could have happened to me. I have re-found my love of life and my desire to heal. I will never be 100% better, but I no longer feel like a victim. I'm a survivor, I'm strong, and I think that studying abroad will help me continue healing. When I return in the winter I'll have a greater understanding of myself and a greater appreciation of Amherst.
They responded with enthusiasm: Of course! Very coherent explanation. You seem much happier, which is wonderful! We agree that going abroad and getting off campus will do you good.
Study abroad here I come!
I felt genuinely happy for the first time in a year, and I could not wait to head out.
At Amherst though, things are never that easy.
A few weeks after my release from the Ward I had a routine check-in with my dean to make sure that I was still doing well. I was excited to be leaving soon, and I must have looked quite content, sitting in her office with a million watt smile and bright eyes. I began to rattle on about how nice the warm weather was, how beautiful commencement had been, how great life was, on and on. She seemed distracted: Nod, nod…Mhmmm…Well, excellent! I'm so glad to hear that you're excited about the upcoming summer here. I know how much you wanted to study abroad and how much work you must've put into it, but really, it's for the best. Africa is quite traumatizing, what with those horrible third-world conditions: disease…huts…lions! You'll be much better off here at Amherst where we can watch over you. It will give you some time to think about…you know…that…unfortunate incident…
My face was blank. "I'm supposed to go to Cape Town, South Africa…" Her response broke me down: Yes dear, I know. You were supposed to study in Africa. It's all for the best that you aren't though.
No one ever told me flat out that I would no longer be studying abroad. Not even the study abroad dean told me. I scheduled a meeting with her for two days after the meeting with my dean.
A few minutes after exchanging pleasantries she asked: What are your plans for the summer now that you're on campus?
For the month of June I was decrepit, nothing could perk me up. I returned to feeling the embarrassment and shame that had consumed me before going onto the Ward. If I hadn't told anyone about what happened I'd be abroad…If I had been stronger…If I wasn't such a failure…This is all my fault, I really am just a broken, polluted piece of shit…
Living was difficult. Each day I woke up and wandered around in a daze. At night I stared blank faced at a wall and curled up in my chair in a fetal position. I couldn't talk with people. If I talk with them they might become infected with my dirtiness.
I stopped eating. I stopped sleeping. I secretly hoped that one day on a run my heart would just stop and no one would have to see me again. I wasn't worth anything anyway.
I continued having to meet with my dean; she blamed my sadness on not being allowed to study abroad, but I knew that it wasn't that simple. I could live with not being allowed to go to South Africa at the moment, the country would be there for a while, but being forced to stay on campus in a dorm populated with men I did not know, that was the real psychological issue. Every time I told my dean that I didn't feel safe on campus, that I wanted to be allowed to leave , or at least be put in a different dorm, I received the same unhelpful responses that I had received in February. They told me: You were lucky to be given a room here this summer in the first place, housing is tight right now and you really shouldn't complain. All of your fear is ungrounded, Amherst is one of the safest places imaginable…If we let you leave campus we won't know what mental and emotional place you'll exist in when you return in September; you could become completely unstable! At Amherst we can monitor you, and, if need be, strongly suggest time off when the school year rolls around…
I felt like a prisoner, or, more accurately, like a harem girl. My jail was luxurious and openair, I was free to move about, the ruling power judged my worth on a weekly basis, and I was constantly reminded how lucky I was to be there.
One night, after a particularly rough meeting with my dean (I just don't understand why you've been so angry throughout all of this. You have no reason to be angry about anything.), I was curled up on my floor—I wasn't thinking, I didn't feel anything.
I went over to the mirror on the back of my door and stared. What had happened to the girl who had come off of the Ward so empowered and strong; the girl who decided to no longer be silent and feel shamed? Where had she gone?
I went over to my desk and picked up a brochure I had been given about a survivor center at UMass Amherst. I gave an exaggerated sigh. Might as well…I called the number and made an appointment for the next day.
I went back to the mirror and stared at myself again.
For the next 15 minutes I repeated: "Silence has the rusty taste of shame."
I walked over to my computer, typed up an email, hesitated for a second, and then pressed send.
I had just sent my entire sports team an email-rant about my rape and subsequent breakdown at the end of spring.
It was about time people began to realize that Amherst wasn't just majestic dorms and world-class professors.
It was about time I resumed the silent pact that I had made to my roommate on the Ward.
I will not be quiet.
The next few weeks were a blur of unending days spent resolutely working to feel better (A friend told me: You can't help other people if you feel like shit).
I was able to sleep again. I ate more. I went to free therapy sessions. I wrote and mindlessly colored in order to ground myself. I obsessively made lists of all the things imaginable. I joined a survivor group. I cried less and smiled a bit more.
I started healing.
It took a month of hard work until I was noticeably doing better. My friends, my therapist, my coworkers, and my fellow survivor group members all started commenting on how much healthier and happier I looked. I still felt uncomfortable and oppressed while surrounded by men on campus, but I was no longer afraid to leave my room after 7 p.m. I was determined to love Amherst again.
Life was tolerable.
Early July and I had another meeting with my dean: You look like you're doing better today. Well done, I'm so glad to see this kind of improvement! I think it's safe to assume that you can come back next semester, and in that regard I think that it's time that we talk about your time at Amherst over the next two years…I know you want to do African Studies through the Five Colleges, but I don't think I can support that decision. Africa is very traumatizing and I think that studying Africa is just a way for you to relive your real-life traumas; it's just not a good place to be studying.
Over the next thirty minutes several more restrictions were laid out: no Five College classes this upcoming year, no study abroad in the spring, definitely no senior year thesis, I would have to meet with a counselor twice a week, and friends off campus would have to be pushed to the wayside. She told me: Amherst is the only place that matters, and, really, you don't have a family, so where else would you go? Amherst is the only place that you can be.
At the end of our conversation I grunted out a vapid response and headed straight to my room. I sat on my bed, million-mile-gazed at the wall, and thought.
What was the point of staying at Amherst? I had been stuck on campus for eleven months straight; each day had been more challenging and emotionally draining than the previous one. I had been feeling better recently, but each time I met with my dean I felt more emotionally distraught than I had beforehand. Her comments reminded me that in the Administration's eyes I was the most base individual: a poor and parentless humanities major who was the school's token-Deep-Southerner. I was sullied, blameworthy, and possibly insane.
I made a Pros and Cons of Amherst List.
The Pro List had seven items.
The Con List had twenty-three items.
On July 14th I made one of the hardest decisions of my life.
I was going to withdraw from Amherst.
That next week I threw myself into finding a way out. Plans were made, plans were broken, Plan B was made, and finally Plan B was successful!
I did not tell the Administration for fear that they would somehow sabotage me. It was probably paranoid, but after being prevented from leaving campus multiple times I was not going to take any chances. The conversation went similarly to this:
"I'm withdrawing from Amherst."
That was my greeting to my dean when I met with her in late July.
The look of complete shock on her face was priceless. When she recovered: So you're taking a semester off? That's perfectly ok, many survivors do, I think it's best that you do what you…
No, I'm withdrawing, permanently. I ain't planning on ever coming back. I'm going to transfer to another school after taking a semester off to travel around.
You can't…You…Nobody withdraws. Where are you going to go? You don't have parents. What are you going to do?
I'm working on a Dude Ranch in Wyoming.
…I didn't think you'd be able to figure out a plan…Well, we technically won't withdraw you from the school until three years have passed. After three years we'll double-check to make sure that you really want to withdraw and then we'll remove you from our current-students system.
No, I just want you to withdraw me. I don't want to come back, I don't want to be affiliated with your school anymore. I'm sick of this place.
I think you need to meet with our sexual assault counselor again, you're way too angry right now and not thinking clearly. I have a feeling you'll change your mind and come back. Amherst is one of the best schools out there, it will be a transfer down unless you go to an Ivy…
You know, I have I feeling that I won't want to come back, but that's just a hunch.
As my dean suggested, I met with our sexual assault counselor a few days later. The meeting was uncharacterizeable by one word, but bizarre might be the closest description: This is a bad idea, you're not thinking straight.
I didn't understand this. I'd been thinking about this for quite a while; I was unhappy at Amherst and I didn't understand why I should stay at a place where I was absolutely miserable. There are other places in the world.
The next two hours was a hodgepodge of topics: Your lack of parental support makes you emotionally volatile and prevents you from following through with decisions that you make.
Apparently I had decided not to study abroad. Then there was bizarre 'concern:'You don't look very healthy. Have you been eating? I think you might have an eating disorder. You know there's a great clinic in Northhampton where we can send you for in-patient eating disorder treatment.
I don't have an eating disorder; I used to have one, I know what they're like. I don't eat a lot because I can't afford to buy food.
Then the ranch came up: Do you realize how difficult working on a Dude Ranch will be? The people in Wyoming are different from the people at Amherst, they won't be well-educated, and they won't understand you. You're going to a backwards place. Do you realize how bad it will be?
Yes, because the rest of the US is filled with ignorant savages who haven't been saved by the light of Amherst. How would I ever survive?
To the counselor's great surprise, these stellar arguments did not convince me to stay at Amherst. I became even more resolute about my decision to leave, and decided to talk with the Victim Rights Law Center, a pro-bono law firm based in Boston that my survivor group had recommended to me several weeks earlier. My preliminary intake with the VRLC was quite eye-opening: Oh Amherst? Yeah, unfortunately I know Amherst all too well. I've been down there many times to deal with the administration and their constant mistreatment of survivors. Our law firm keeps trying to force them to change but they just don't seem to understand, they keep doing the same old thing.
Amherst has almost 1800 students; last year alone there were a minimum of 10 sexual assaults on campus. In the past 15 years there have been multiple serial rapists, men who raped more than five girls, according to the sexual assault counselor. Rapists are given less punishment than students caught stealing. Survivors are often forced to take time off, while rapists are allowed to stay on campus. If a rapist is about to graduate, their punishment is often that they receive their diploma two years late.
I eventually reported my rapist.
He graduated with honors.
I will not graduate from Amherst.
The stories and statistics are miles long in regards to sexual assault on campus. My story is far from unique, and, compared to some of the stories I have heard, is tame.
The more that I learn about Amherst's policy toward sexual assault and survivors in general, the more relief I feel in deciding to transfer. How could I stay at a school who had made my healing process not just difficult, but impossible? How could I stand knowing that the Administration promotes silence? How could I spend the next two years made to feel dirty and at fault?
I could not.
At one point I hated Amherst with an indescribable amount of fury, but I do not hate the school anymore. Amherst took a lot from me, but they gave me some of the greatest gifts imaginable: self-confidence, my closest friends, intellectual curiosity, and endless personal strength. For these things I am forever grateful. For everything else, I stand back and behold the college with a feeling of melancholia.
The fact that such a prestigious institution could have such a noxious interior fills me with intense remorse mixed with sour distaste. I am sickened by the Administration's attempts to cover up survivors' stories, cook their books to discount rapes, pretend that withdrawals never occur, quell attempts at change, and sweep sexual assaults under a rug. When politicians cover up affairs or scandals the masses often rise up in angry protestations and call for a more transparent government. What is the difference between a government and the Amherst College campus? Why can't we know what is really happening on campus? Why should we be quiet about sexual assault?
"Silence has the rusty taste of shame."
There is no reason shame should be a school's policy.
UPDATE: President Carolyn "Biddy" Martin has released a statement concerning this article and the follow-up steps being taken by the administration regarding sexual assault: https://www.amherst.edu/campuslife/letters_president/node/436469
Thank you so much for this. I cannot even assemble my thoughts and emotions to articulate a coherent response, so instead I will just thank you for your incredible bravery and in coming forward, and your raw and thorough article. Best of luck to you - you have been an inspiration to the fighter spirit inside of me.
I am so sorry that this happened to you, and that your college wasn't there to support you. I'm reading this from the UK, and my jaw drops at the attitudes you encountered. The idea of dealing with rape as an in-house disciplinary issue is crazy - it's an incredibly serious criminal offence, not a sorority cat fight. You are an inspiration for being so strong and making your own decisions. I'm just beginning to tell people about my own rape, and I can certainly relate to the shame. I would say that I hope things work out for you but it sounds like you will make sure that they do regardless of what anyone else thinks. Thank you for deciding to share your story, let's hope it leads to a change in policy.
Thank you for sharing your story this is just so unbelievable to hear. I go to Hampshire so I'm in the valley also and it fills me with anger (though with less of a right than you) that a place like Amherst can be so volatile. I would never have suspected and that's the scariest part. I hope you find what you're looking for, best wishes and luck.
I graduated nearly 20 years ago, and the story you tell is all too familiar. I had friends and classmates that went through similar experiences. I served on the residential life staff, with many other amazing people, hoping we could make a difference. We did rape awareness trainings. We reported incidents to the administration. We were told, in not so many words, that they were just waiting for our class, a "problem" class in their eyes, to graduate in hopes that the issues would disappear. The belief seemed to be that our class was outside the norm in terms of violent, aggressive, alcohol-fueled behavior. We, the female residential life leaders, were often told to just deal with it and not make waves.
It saddens me that so little has changed over the past two decades. The myth that Amherst is a shiny, halycon place where nothing bad ever happens to anyone continues to be perpetuated, marginalizing those who have already been silenced and isolating them more. Safety does not come from pretending issues don't exist. Safety comes from supporting the victims and putting into place a system by which their voices can be heard. Kudos to you for finding your voice, taking action, and helping yourself heal.
This has been shared with the Williams Community - as put by a 2011 alum: Williams people: Let's take this as a reminder that just because we all spend a lot of time talking about loving Williams -- and it is a truly special place -- we can't be afraid of addressing serious problems. I'm disturbed by how often blanket statements about the campus being amazing or safe are used to block out student's claims and fear. So familiar.
Thank you Angie for sharing your story.
Sometimes men are born
Incapable of loving
Life's great avatar
Thank you so much for sharing this. Regardless of the catalyst, it seems most institutions do not take seriously psychological and spiritual trauma. I struggle with manic depression because that is who I am. I too was sent to a psych ward for a long weekend because "it was in my best interest." Never stay silent. Always grow solidarity like sugar cane and Redwood trees. Love fiercely.
Do not stop loving. Do not stop loving. Do not stop loving.
Thank you Angie for your absolute bravery in telling your story. It brought tears to my eyes and I hope your friends and those close to you continue to give you support. I hope one day you get to take that trip to study abroad that you deserve. Your strength is inspiring to many.
Thank you so much for this. Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you ever so much for sharing your story with us. Like previously mentioned this story is going viral, as it well should. Please be assured of my thoughts and prayers for you from the University of Nebraska Lincoln.
really appreciate this
I cannot thank you enough for sharing this story. I had a nearly identical experience at Amherst College in 2002, my sophomore year. I too withdrew from the college. It has taken me a tremendous amount of time to tell my story and to get over--somewhat--the intense feelings of shame the administration's response riddled me with. I have more disdain for Amherst College than for my rapist. I still cannot believe the way they treated me--the victim--the way they encouraged me not to press charges or to talk about my experience, the way they forced me out of the school. I am delighted to see someone finally expose the college for what it truly is--uncaring, elitist, and vapid. Thank you.
i am a senior applying to amherst for 2013. i'm very glad i stumbled upon this important piece coming from a student's perspective. how odd that that i know the average sat scores, GPAs and graduation rates of all these colleges but not something as critical as their handling of student rights and women's physical safety. i understand you were not trying to smear amherst as revenge but i think it would be vital if this story was shared with more prospective students, that more girls knew to avoid schools that put reputation above human rights. hopefully you reached the appropriate audience and even if i were not considering it this is an eye-opening article for anyone as a woman or as a human being.
Your story means so much to students everywhere.
I cannot thank you enough for sharing this story. I had a nearly identical experience at Amherst College in 2002, my sophomore year. I too withdrew from the college. It has taken me a tremendous amount of time to tell my story and to get over--somewhat--the intense feelings of shame the administration's response riddled me with. I have more disdain for Amherst College than for my rapist. I still cannot believe the way they treated me--the victim--the way they encouraged me not to press charges or to talk about my experience, the way they forced me out of the school. I am delighted to see someone finally expose the college for what it truly is--uncaring, elitist, and vapid. Thank you.
I cannot thank you enough for sharing this story. I had a nearly identical experience at Amherst College in 2002, my sophomore year. I too withdrew from the college. It has taken me a tremendous amount of time to tell my story and to get over--somewhat--the intense feelings of shame the administration's response riddled me with. I have more disdain for Amherst College than for my rapist. I still cannot believe the way they treated me--the victim--the way they encouraged me not to press charges or to talk about my experience, the way they forced me out of the school. I am delighted to see someone finally expose the college for what it truly is--uncaring, elitist, and vapid. Thank you.
While I was reading this most of the dialogue seemed unrealistic. Especially the parts about Africa. I commend any victim who seeks to tell their story, but as a reader I deserve the respect of getting the truth and not an exaggerated/fabricated account.
Having been through the same thing, let me tell you that most of the dialogue was horribly realistc. Especially the parts about Africa. As a reader, try acknowledging the fact that clearly you have no experience with this, and therefore have no idea whether the dialogue "seems unrealistic" or not.
This was unbelievably difficult to read - I wish I couldn't believe it. After reading it I looked you up on Facebook to see if we had any mutual friends (my high school sends many people to Amherst). We don't, but I saw you just applied to Mac, where I spent my freshman year. It is the antithesis of your description of Amherst. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
You are so incredibly brave. Your story brought maby tears to my eyes. I'm thoroughly disgusted with Amherst and pray that future survivors are not treated in such a way. You've spoken for so many women who are too afraid and shamed to speak themselves. You should walk with your head high, not many people could relive such traumatic experiences. I hope you're doing well and that you're happy whereever you may be! You deserve nothing less! Stay strong'
I cannot tell you how brave you are for sharing this story. Though I am a public survivor in many ways, I do not know if I myself would have the courage to do this. I think you are incredible woman and you should know you are inspiring and helping so many people. Much of what happened to you paralleled my own experience in dealing with the Swarthmore administration following my rape. Sending you all my love and support, and I have no doubt you will succeed in whatever you choose to do in life. Stay strong! We're all rooting for you.
Angie, what a courageous young woman you are. Your story graphically shows how poorly this school and I dare say many, many others are prepared to deal with sexual assault issues. With the immense resources this prestigious school can bring to bear, one wonders why they have not utilized the best training available for the deans, faculty, and counselors to prepare them to deal with sexual assault in a way that actually reflects the most up-to-date approaches. Your story shows that Amherst College is still using the dark ages playbook on sexual assault. The question remains, when will they come into the 21st century???
Thank you.
God fucking damnit you must be kidding me. I can't believe how fucked up the administration is over there. How are they not under fire for this? Punishment and dehumanization of rape victims instead of encouragement, help, and empowerment? How the hell is this legal? Amherst is "safe" and no one should worry? What kind of bizarre fantasy world are they living in?
Don't ever back down from telling anyone this story. You did a great job.
All the people claiming that alcohol is the reason behind these heinous cases should be especially ashamed. Intoxicated or not, you know when someone is telling you know. And despite popular belief, young adults (I won't even specify it to men) are capable of such violence when they are allowed to believe that they will not have much to suffer because of it. I especially find it disturbing that some females, who should be more sensitive to the topic of forced intercourse, are hesitating to believe this individual. Who wants to be labeled as a victim, known as the girl who dropped out because she was raped? I shudder to think of how you will behave if this happens to your daughters. But then, it's always different when it's someone you're close to, right?
I think all the guys accused of rape should register on the campus website as sex offenders. Surely a girl wouldn't lie about being raped if the guy's name had to be publicized and attached to her own for the rest of eternity. But I forget that the type of people Amherst was founded by, are inclined to advocate for the more economically advantaged; they are the most vulnerable to "lies" and scandal.
And the most sad thing is, this is not from years ago. It was just this last year. People are always willing to make rape a thing that used to happen, when, in fact, it happens every day because who wants to believe that supposedly prestigious young men would ever be capable of taking away the one thing females have the hardest time maintaining in the first place, trust.
"I think all the guys accused of rape should register on the campus website as sex offenders."
Thought experiment: So what if the guy who got accused of rape got one of his friends to accuse the accuser of rape as well. Should she be registered on a campus sex offender website as well? Heck, what if you caught your significant other cheating on you. Accusing him/her of rape sure would be a good way to get back at him/her, don't you think? You wouldn't even have to prove anything! Or at least holding the possibility of an accusation over his/her head would be a good way to blackmail that person.
Also, the issue of alcohol is not always what you think. In some of these cases, both of the parties were heavily intoxicated and consented to sex, and then one of the parties regrets it afterwards, and because both of them were too drunk to give consent, it is considered sexual misconduct, but it is difficult to say who is the rapist and who is the survivor in those situations.
I cannot thank you enough for sharing this story. I had a nearly identical experience at Amherst College in 2002, my sophomore year. I too withdrew from the college. It has taken me a tremendous amount of time to tell my story and to get over--somewhat--the intense feelings of shame the administration's response riddled me with. I have more disdain for Amherst College than for my rapist. I still cannot believe the way they treated me--the victim--the way they encouraged me not to press charges or to talk about my experience, the way they forced me out of the school. I am delighted to see someone finally expose the college for what it truly is--uncaring, elitist, and vapid. Thank you.
Thank you for speaking out. We fought out own sexual assault battle on campus a couple of years ago. It taught me students can affect change, but only if they are resolved to. This is the spark.
I cannot thank you enough for sharing this story. I had a nearly identical experience at Amherst College in 2002, my sophomore year. I too withdrew from the college. It has taken me a tremendous amount of time to tell my story and to get over--somewhat--the intense feelings of shame the administration's response riddled me with. I have more disdain for Amherst College than for my rapist. I still cannot believe the way they treated me--the victim--the way they encouraged me not to press charges or to talk about my experience, the way they forced me out of the school. I am delighted to see someone finally expose the college for what it truly is--uncaring, elitist, and vapid. Thank you.
Who said anything about alcohol?
"let's not smear a college that may in fact be one of the better examples out there of a small community-based learning experience."
Speaking as yet another survivor, I can assure you that academic prestige most definitely does not carry over to behavior. As a woman at Amherst, I often felt pushed to the wayside, and when I was assaulted, I was urged to not say anything or to simply reinterpret my views of the event, because people at Amherst are destined to do great things. Sure. The man who assaulted me is now at Harvard Law, and I barely graduated after dealing with numerous mental health problems following the event.
And we were both sober, in case you were wondering.
As someone from Europe (Hungary to be specific), I've always imagined the US as a place where they handle the crime of rape as serious business. Guess I was wrong. :(
I can't understand though why you haven't left campus (and school) earlier. With family or alone, I wouldn't have stayed at that dreadful place for another second. I couldn't. I'm really glad you made that decision and hope that you feel awesome and have lots of new friends where you're living now.
To tell the truth, I've never heard of Amherst before, but I'm sure your story will give a better insight for high-school students who are looking for a college. They should know.
You have just taken the first step in ending these practices by sharing your story. You have nothing but support from virtually the entire student body and community of UMass at large. The kind of mistreatment you were given has an effect on all of us, and we thank you for being brave enough to admit this. Don't listen to the commenters on the payroll, and those who are scared that this will damage the value of their degrees- we all know that our colleges could do better than they have been, your's and mine, and so many others, and in the long run, if Amherst actually changes this, it will be seen with the utmost respect for addressing these atrocities. The public will be watching.
Solidarity from Eastern Michigan University. Please spread the word about the college that refused to help this girl. Make an example of them.
Angie, this is heartbreaking and I'm so sorry that this happened to you. As far as those who think Amherst should have "done more," I agree that some of the actions by the administrators seem heartless. At the same time, what more could they have done? They can't just expel someone because they have been accused of rape (or anything else for that matter). Those calling for harsher punishments...do you want a system where if a girl claims she was raped, the guy is publicly shamed no matter what and suspended no matter what? Look at the Duke Lacrosse scandal...do you want that at Amherst? Everyone needs to take a step back and think about the broader consequences of what they're calling for.
Well, for one they should have tried to further investigate the incident and should have mete out whatever punishment is appropriate for the crime. No one is saying they should publicly shame a person whenever they are accused of sexual misconduct, but it is quite disgusting that they would try to silence a victim rather than help her by investigating the crime and doing justice. Besides, rape is often a repeat crime and if this rapist did not have to bear any repercussions after this, it is likely that some other woman will be victim to his predatory ways.
And frankly, the least they could have done it NOT further victimize the victim.
Do you want a system where if a girl claims she was raped, the girl is publicly and privately shamed no matter what, forced into a psychiatric institution no matter what, forced to give up her major no matter what, forced to give up studying abroad no matter what, and to be essentially put on academic probation no matter what?
Here's what more the admin at Amherst could have done: NONE OF THAT.
Um... they could have at least moved where she lived so she would feel a little safer rather than just trying to convince her it never happened because they didn't want to get their hands dirty. I think she is extremely clear in the fact that she felt they were blaming her so I think NOT blaming her is a start for things they could have done differently...
"Everyone needs to take a step back and think about the broader consequences of what they're calling for."
What does that even mean?! God forbid someone actually is held accountable for their actions... I doubt victims actually care at that point how the college looks when they've just been-- I don't know-- violated and traumatized.
It's sad we value things like reputation over someone's health and well-being. As if it's so common that people falsely accuse others of raping them... It's more common that it actually does happen and I think it's better to be safe than sorry with things this severe because the stats for rape is so high at colleges.
Astounding that such archaic mindsets and brush-it-under-the-rug tactics are used at colleges hailed as our most forward-thinking, progressive, intellectual institutions. This story brings tears to my eyes - student administration is there to protect and foster the intellectual and emotional growth of their student body, not to further victimize victims. Rape is an all too common occurrence on college campuses, it's time students and administrators wake up and recognize it. It's not a bad hookup, and it's not consent - it's rape.
you are so strong to be able to share this. much love.
to "recent alumni" at 00:13: i understand that you are proud of your alma mater. i don't believe commenters are smearing the quality of amherst's academics or its "small community-based learning experience," but (as evidenced by many comments) there is ample reason to attack the quality of its responses to survivors of rape and sexual assault, who feel wholly unsafe on campus. perhaps the college is "working hard" to foster a safe, community environment. angie's story highlights anything but such an environment, so the college's work is really not worth commending ... an A for effort, maybe, but an F for quality.
that said, this is not an amherst-specific problem; many colleges and universities would have responded similarly. only voices like angie's can bring about much-needed policy reform. so thank you so much for speaking out, angie.
You're incredibly brave for coming out with your story, thank you for having the courage to do so.
I am not from the from the states and I do not know much about Amherst College. But what I do know is that you have done the right thing to leave that college and that you are looking into the issue. I disagree with how the administration had handled it and it was definitely wrong to keep you inside with the intentions of 'protecting' you. I salute you and wish you all the best.
Pardon the crudeness, but if I knew this guy, I'd kick him in the balls enough times until he could not have babies.
Why isn't the President doing anything about this? Is she planning to raise any kind of awareness for this?
She's been incredibly responsive. See her recent email:
Dear Members of the Amherst Community,
I write in response to the recent news about an incident of sexual violence and misconduct on the Amherst campus and to reports that the College has failed to treat similar incidents with adequate transparency or seriousness. A student's first-person account in this week's Amherst Student is horrifying—her rape, her painful efforts to deal with it on her own, and her subsequent experiences when she sought help on the campus.
In response to her story, still more accounts of unreported sexual violence have appeared in social media postings and in emails I have received from several students and alumni. Clearly, the administration's responses to reports have left survivors feeling that they were badly served. That must change, and change immediately. I am investigating the handling of the incident that was recounted in The Student. There will be consequences for any problems we identify, either with procedures or personnel.
Addressing sexual misconduct and violence has been and is one of my highest priorities. Reviews of our policies, procedures, and practices have been underway for several months and they continue. Some changes have already been made. More significant changes need to be considered and decisions about them will involve students and other members of the community at every step. Oversight of this process will be the responsibility of a special committee I will form that will be comprised of students, faculty, staff, administrators, and trustees. In addition, we will hold a series of open meetings in the next several weeks so we can share information and solicit input on the changes we need. One of those meetings will be organized as a teach-in, involving students, faculty, staff, and administrators that will be planned and coordinated by Dean O'Hara.
On the basis of what I learned during my first year at Amherst, I have made campus leaders and the Board of Trustees aware of several challenges and opportunities in the general area of Student Life, including the need to review and make changes in our Title IX and sexual misconduct policies. Indeed, the agenda for this week's board meeting, which was set some time ago, includes a report from a nationally recognized expert in this area who has been reviewing Amherst's policies since July 2012. The board is deeply concerned and supportive of our efforts.
Sexual misconduct and assault are among the toughest and most consequential problems on college campuses and in the culture as a whole. Amherst is not alone in its struggles with it. But Amherst, given its values, its commitment to community, and its size should be a model of education, prevention, and effective response when violations occur.
No student should be discouraged from reporting offenses or seeking redress. All reports should be brought to the attention of the College administration. Every student should feel that the College will treat sexual misconduct and violence with the utmost seriousness. Every student should know that the failure to respect the integrity of others will result in punitive action. We will do what it takes to build confidence in the College's approach.
For more information on existing policy and procedure and on next steps, please read the text below.
Biddy Martin
Amherst College Response to Sexual Misconduct: Additional Information
Recent Action Taken
This past Sunday evening, President Martin held an open meeting that gave students an opportunity to share their experiences, their frustrations, and recommendations for change. At the end of the meeting, a series of action steps were agreed upon:
1) Student membership on the Title IX committee.
2) Enhanced communication about the changes that are in play.
3) Improvements in support for survivors of sexual assault.
4) A review of penalties for those found responsible for sexual misconduct and assault.
5) Student representation on the Student Life working group that will be part of the College's strategic planning effort.
6) Consideration of the regulation or disbanding of off-campus fraternities as part of the longer term strategic planning discussion.
Next Steps
In the next few weeks the College will continue to follow up with a series of meetings to obtain additional information and solicit the community's help with the re-design of policies, procedures and practices. One of those meetings will be organized as a teach-in involving students, faculty, staff and administrators. Dean O'Hara has volunteered to work with the community to organize the teach-in. At another meeting, Gina Smith, a nationally recognized legal and policy expert, will present her observations and recommendations for Amherst.
Summary of Changes to the College's Disciplinary Hearing Process
In spring 2012, the College Council and Committee of Six approved the following changes to the disciplinary hearing procedures, specific to sexual misconduct:
· Alternative testimony options are available for Committee on Discipline hearings, such as Skype, providing students with full access to the hearing process.
· Complainant and respondent have the option of submitting Impact Statements to be considered by the Committee while determining sanctions.
· A trained investigator will meet with the complainant, respondent, and relevant witnesses, gather evidence, and prepare a report for distribution to the two parties and the Committee. Using an investigator permits a more complete investigation and lessens the burden on the complainant and the respondent in preparing their respective cases.
· The Disciplinary Hearing Officer's role has been eliminated, except in complaints on behalf of the college.
There was also an email last week in response to an incident of misogyny from a frat, about which she held an open meeting.
you are beautiful!
Angie, it sounds like a multiply-traumatizing experience. From a Williams alum, I am so sorry you went through this, and I hope your time adventuring helps you heal. Thank you for sharing your story, and raising awareness of how NOT to treat survivors. Best of luck in everything.
Recent Alumni, I can assure you that guidance counselors and parents (let alone prospective students) are eagerly awaiting to hear from Amherst's administration. Given that the college admissions season is well underway, Amherst's administrators need to explain their actions in this case as well as the changes they have instituted in both personnel and policy to address recurring criminal activity on the campus.
Thank you Angie. I'm sure this has been said many many times in many many ways, but thank you Angie. I thought about applying to Amherst five years ago. Luckily, I didn't, but thank you for telling your story. Hopefully it will save some from suffering like you have there.
I wish you the best no matter where you go or what you do. And keep writing.
As a Swarthmore alumn and sexual assault victim, all I can say is thank you. Let this be a reminder to everyone that instituional silencing is not unique to Amherst but is all too common in other "elite" institutions as well. I speak directly from my experiences at Swarthmore. While Angie's account may dissuade you from applying to Amherst, please do not forget that these kinds of abuses occur elsewhere. Victim blaming and silencing is a larger social problem that resides in our homes, our schools, our jobs..and well, you get the point. As a society, we are long overdue to reconsider and reform how we treat sexual assault, especially in light of both recent and past attempts to legally redefine rape itself. We've got a lot of work to do.
As a Swarthmore alumn and sexual assault victim, all I can say is thank you. Let this be a reminder to everyone that instituional silencing is not unique to Amherst but is all too common in other "elite" institutions as well. I speak directly from my experiences at Swarthmore. While Angie's account may dissuade you from applying to Amherst, please do not forget that these kinds of abuses occur elsewhere. Victim blaming and silencing is a larger social problem that resides in our homes, our schools, our jobs..and well, you get the point. As a society, we are long overdue to reconsider and reform how we treat sexual assault, especially in light of both recent and past attempts to legally redefine rape itself. We've got a lot of work to do.


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- West Ham 2-3 Tottenham, Premier League
Bale wizardry moves Spurs up to third
This season ESPN Goals is completely free. It's the first place to see every goal from every Premier League game, all season long
Gareth Bale scored yet another brilliant last-gasp winner to move Tottenham up to third after a cracking London derby at Upton Park.
Premier League table and results
Jussi Jaaskelainen rolled back the years to keep the Hammers in the game for most of the clash, but there was nothing the 37-year-old could do to stop Bale's blistering 25-yard shot flying in to the top corner in the 90th minute.
Bale put Tottenham ahead in the first half, but Andy Carroll scored a penalty after being brought down in the box by former Hammers midfielder Scott Parker, who was booed throughout.
Joe Cole thought he had grabbed the Hammers a morale-boosting win with a goal against the club he almost joined last season, but substitute Gylfi Sigurdsson equalised and Bale provided the killer blow in the final minute.
West Ham dominated for large parts of what was a pumped-up derby, but as has been the case in so many games of late, there was always the chance that Bale could pull off another bit of magic to settle the game.
How Andre Villas-Boas must hope he is able to hang on the man who is in the best form of his already stunning career. How the watching Roy Hodgson must wish the 23-year-old was English.
The victory proved extra sweet for Villas-Boas as his team have dislodged his former employers Chelsea from third place.
West Ham used the 20th anniversary of Bobby Moore's death as an inspiration to start the game well.
Led out by three of Moore's grandchildren, the Hammers started in combative mode, with Gary O'Neil clattering in to Emmanuel Adebayor. Mousa Dembele seemed just as pumped for the occasion, taking out Kevin Nolan to earn a booking.
West Ham were on top for the first 10 minutes, with Mohamed Diame and Matt Jarvis both drawing saves from Hugo Lloris.
Bale shot wide early on and teed up Aaron Lennon, whose shot took a deflection which Spurs thought struck a West Ham hand in the box. Bale, like Parker, was subjected to jeers from the home fans, but he had stunned the West Ham faithful with the opener after 12 minutes.
The Welshman, operating in a more central role than normal, gained a yard on James Collins and another two Hammers defenders before firing across Jaaskelainen into the back of the net.
Bale led a rampaging Spurs break soon after but he shot tamely, much to the frustration of the unmarked Jan Vertonghen, who was screaming for the ball at the far post.
Soon after Spurs were made to pay thanks to Carroll's second goal of 2013. Parker put in an ill-advised two-footed challenge on Carroll in the box and Howard Webb pointed to the spot.
The former Newcastle striker picked himself up, smashed the ball past Lloris and waved two fingers towards the away support, who had previously goaded him by claiming he was only capable of scoring once a year.
The crowd lapped up what was turning in to a thrilling end-to-end contest. West Ham had a reasonable appeal for a penalty turned down when Vertonghen impeded Carroll. The Hammers remained on top and would have gone ahead just before the break had Kyle Walker not put in a brilliant block to deny Jarvis.
Bale still looked capable of changing the course back in Tottenham's favour, though, the Welshman cracking one of his trademark swirling free-kicks just wide. Spurs almost took the lead again just after the break when Vertonghen's shot flew off Guy Demel's leg, but Jaaskelainen scrambled across his line and tipped it wide.
The big Finn then saved brilliantly to tip Sigurdsson's shot on to a post and he quickly regained his ground to save Adebayor's follow-up.
West Ham still had the majority of possession and they made it count with their second just before the hour.
Cole timed his run to perfection, gaining two yards on Steven Caulker before slotting past Lloris and removing his shirt in a wild celebration. Sam Allardyce almost spilled his cup of tea in another raucous celebration on the Hammers bench.
Spurs threw everything at the hosts and had it not been for another two outstanding saves by Jaaskelainen from Bale and Caulker, they would have retaken the lead.
Lloris pulled off a top-drawer save of his own when Matt Taylor beat the offside trap and fired on goal. The save proved crucial as Tottenham went up the other end and equalised.
The Hammers failed to deal with Bale's free-kick, a melee ensued in the box, but Sigurdsson held his nerve to poke past Jaaskelainen from close range. Jaaskelainen pulled off another two top-class saves to deny Adebayor and Sigurdsson as the clock ticked towards 90 minutes.
Then with only injury time remaining, the man of the moment picked himself up after being flattened by a tackle, collected the ball off Tom Carroll and let fly with an audacious 25-yard bullet that beat Jaaskelainen.


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Hat trick: Ryan Suter scores 3 in Wild's 5-3 win over CapitalsNHL.com @NHLdotcom
ST. PAUL, Minn. - Ryan Suter scored three goals, and the Minnesota Wild beat the Washington Capitals 5-3 on Saturday night.
Suter completed the first hat trick by a Wild defenceman with 12:23 to play in the third and giving the Wild a two-goal lead. He jumped into the play straight out of the penalty box to create a 2-on-1 with Clayton Stoner, then beat Braden Holtby from the left faceoff circle off Stoner's feed.
The Wild won despite being outshot 30-11. Their previous season low for shots in a game was 13 in a 3-1 win over San Jose on Dec. 8. Minnesota has won two straight after snapping a franchise-record six-game losing streak on Thursday.
Minnesota shut out Alex Ovechkin, the NHL's leading goal scorer. Ovechkin hit the post in the final minute as the Capitals tried to rally from a two-goal deficit.


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Quote: as an older woman my current concern is to minimize bone loss.
Quote:Quote: as an older woman my current concern is to minimize bone loss. mmmm? You mean, having big muscles affect to your bones? Interesting...
Quote:Not so after all eh?
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Ohio teen shot after party dies in hospital
Ohio teen shot after party dies in hospital
GARFIELD HEIGHTS, Ohio —
There have been no arrests.
A 15-year-old northeast Ohio boy has died after being shot in the head outside a teen party at a church.
The family of Davone Wright tells WOIO-TV that the teen died at a hospital Sunday after being shot Friday night in the parking lot of the Word of Righteousness Family Center, in the Cleveland suburb of Garfield Heights.
Witnesses say the teens in the parking lot started to scatter when they heard there was a gun, and Wright was in the line of fire. Friends insist he wasn't involved in any altercations that could have led to the shooting.
Wright's stepfather, Bryan Wright, says he believes the young man was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
There have been no arrests.


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Kolhapur is a famous tourist destination in Mumbai and is well connected through air route. The major airlines flying to and from the city include Kingfisher Airlines, Kingfisher Red Airlines, Indigo airlines, Air India, Jet Airways, Spice Jet, Indian Airlines and Go Air. The Kolhapur airlines connect the city to almost all the major cities in the country. The Kolhapur airport is situated in Ujlaiwadi which is 9 km towards the south-east of the city. You can find both luxury as well as cheap hotels near the airport in Kolhapur.
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Kolhapur Airport
Airport Name: Kolhapur Airport
IATA Code: KLH
Address: Western Region, Airports Authority of India, Porta Cabins, New Airport Colony, Opposite Hanuman Road, Vile Parle East Mumbai-400099
Country: India
GMT Offset: +5:30 hours
Latitude: 16°39′53″N
Longitude: 074°17′22″E
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Bellary Airport
Airport Name: Bellary Airport
IATA Code: BEP
Address: Bellary Airport, Bellary
Country: India
GMT Offset: +05:30 hours
Latitude: 15° 11' 0" N
Longitude: 76° 54' 0" E
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Caerleon Legionary Fortress
Priory Field Excavations 2010
Read our latest blog entries
Saturday 28th - Monday 30th August
We've had a fantastic open weekend over the bank holiday this year! Over 1600 people came and visited the excavations to find out more about what we are up to and what we have found in Priory Field. The trench looks very impressive with walls and floors all over the place, so visitors could see exactly what our student guides were talking about as they showed them around. People could also join in with a range of different activities around the trench - Edith Evans from the Glamorgan-Gwent Archaeological Trust∞ gave an excellent display of Roman cooking (everyone enjoyed the smell of freshly baked bread wafting across the site), Ioannis and Sarah, postgraduates from the Dept. of Archaeology at Cardiff, made pots and explained how Romans used ceramic vessels for all sorts of purposes, while Andrew and Lorelei from Cardiff University's Community Engagement Team∞ entertained young and old alike with costumes for dressing up, a colouring competition, as well as Roman helmets for children to make and take away with them.
The students on the excavation had prepared several archaeological activities and displays too, including a selection of metal finds, what we can understand from the small mountains of pottery and animal bone we recover, how to record an archaeological site, and how to extract environmental samples by wet sieving (aka getting very muddy). It was an exhausting but extremely rewarding 3 days and we are very happy that so many people came from far and wide to see the results of our research in Caerleon (our visitors' book is bulging with appreciative comments!). Finally, a special thank you to the many people who helped make the open day our best ever!
Posted by Peter, 31/8/10
Site tours and activities in progress
Wet-sieving activity led by Anushé and Matt
Chris talks about the finds from the excavation
Friday 27th August
Today is my sixth day on the Caerleon Priory Field site and it has been a beautiful day, warm and sunny. The soil has had time to absorb part of the puddles and our clothes have had time to dry out after two days of working in the rain and mud.
Our team cleared out two large parts of Area A, mattocking, shovelling and trowelling clammy soil and uncovering Roman walls and robber trenches. At the end of a long hard day of work I can't help feeling satisfied with everything I've learned and the fun I've had. It is sad for me that I get to spend only ten days with an experienced and professional team.
This was part of my 'initiation', a pre-Uni taster to Cardiff University, as I just got accepted to do a BA in Archaeology. I am sure that I will get to work with most of the people on the team again and I am most sure of the fact that we will drink a coffee together again too.
Posted by Ana Maria Lutescu, 27/8/10
Excavating down to the Roman floor in Room 1
Thursday 26th August
After a night of rain continuing from yesterday's washout, we expected the site to be completely unworkable all day. However, looking at the trench at 8.45am in damp and cold but not rainy conditions, we revised our opinion. After giving the site a couple of hours to further dry off, while we planned our activities for the forthcoming open weekend, we were able to carry on digging.
The post-Roman features are now all pretty well-understood and largely removed. The complete outline of the segment of the legionary warehouse that is in our trench will thus be visible to visitors over the weekend. This means we have made really good progress during a challenging week so far, as we approach the half-way point of the excavation. A really nice slideshow of the dig thus far is now available on the UCL website∞ (thanks to Rachel Lister for her work on this).
We look forward to welcoming visitors to the site in the next few days, hopefully in better weather!
Posted by Andy, 27/8/10
Wednesday 25th August
Steve's Meal of the Day: Coq au vin
Sadly, despite the promise of yesterday's sunshine, mentioned by Steph below, today turned into our first real washout. After morning tea-break the heavy drizzle started, and by midday we were 'singing in the rain'! The team bravely struggled on for about an hour-and-a-half in the rain, but with lunchtime looming we packed it in for the day and headed for the White Hart for our baguettes. Thanks to all the staff there for accommodating 40+ soggy archaeologists! Our spirits were further lifted later on in the day by another great meal from Steve, who also baked an amazing cake for Elizabeth Guest's 7th birthday!
Posted by Andy, 26/8/10
Tuesday 24th August
Today was a big day for many of us! Last night many new faces arrived for their first night under the stars and awoke this morning to a shocking – and auspicious – sight... sunshine!! While everyone was feasting on the cooked breakfasts provided by Archie and Rob, two new additions to our supervisory team, and preparing for new trench adventures, I set out on a different type of day. My work during this season has been happily split between different activities. For the first week, I was digging away with my trench compatriots, growing muscles by day and appetite for Steve's food by night (along with a bit of a thirst!). Throughout this past week, however, I've been working in the Museum on identifying the small finds from the 2007 season, while keeping a watchful eye on what is coming out of the ground this year.
Sometimes, it's easy to forget how much we can learn from the 'small' things: items of personal dress like brooches, belts, hair pins, and rings, as well as objects used by people every day like toiletry kits and tools, brick stamps and game counters. These 'common' things can help us to add faces to our perspective of the past and begin to understand the relationships formed between people that lived, worked, and interacted within this space over time. This is the subject I'm working on for my Masters dissertation.
Participating in both aspects of the excavation has made me realize that there is a common thread running through the reason why we love digging so much and why many people return year after year to dig in the same place. Just like the ancient communities that fascinate us, we thrive off of the friendships that are forged during the often physically exhausting and emotionally taxing experience of coaxing these messages from the past out of the soil. For us, the messages are personal and they are what I will miss as I pack my tent up and head back to London and away from this quiet bit of countryside.
Posted by Stephanie Smith, 25/8/10
Sunday 22nd August
Steve's Meal of the Day: Sunday Roast with all the trimmings.
It is incredible to think that, with the end of week 2 today, we are a third of the way through the dig! Time certainly flies on an excavation. A better day weather-wise, despite a gloomy start and some heavy rain at the end of the day which somewhat dampened the end-of-week celebrations.
Work continued apace on the intrusive features in Area A and the rubble platform in Area B. We have also been carefully planning the large rubble spread on the western side of Area B, preparatory to removing this early next week and hopefully exposing more of the 'intermediate-phase' walls that we are particularly interested in (see the Project Background page for more on this). The key discovery this week in Area A has been the first indication, in one side of the robber trench over the main outer Roman wall, of another internal partition wall. This is positioned at a very regular spacing from the other known walls.
Week 3 promises the first exciting discoveries in the rooms of the warehouse building, and with our expanded team we should make good progress. Do come and see us on our Open Weekend over the August Bank Holiday!
Posted by Andy, 23/8/10
Ed and Kate excavating in Area B
Saturday 21st August
For the third day in a row, the weather was rather hostile, particularly later in the day; oddly enough afternoon tea-break has been the signal for a downpour on each day. It may seem that our blog entries are a bit dominated by the weather, but when you are basically living outdoors for several weeks there are few things more important! The rain over the last couple of days has certainly made the site very soggy, and we have to be careful in some areas not to damage either the archaeology or ourselves. A few bags of doughnuts from the Village Bakery were also required to give everyone the energy to cope with the blustery showers.
Today in Area B we have been working our way through the large square rubble platform at the north end of the trench. This certainly appears to be a somewhat chewed-up Medieval building foundation, perhaps forming part of a complex of structures with the 'barn' we excavated last season. We are taking off the rubble layer by layer to see how deeply-founded this platform is. In Area A, we continued to excavate out the full length of the robber trenches, so that next week we can begin to get into the room surfaces. Caroline and Anna, who have been supervising things in this area, have also been scratching their heads over a couple of sequencing problems left over from last season.
At the end of the day our new Assistant Director, Mike Luke, arrived, as well as the first two members of the big new team of students arriving for the start of week 3. Full introductions and a new team photo will follow once everyone is here.
Posted by Andy, 22/8/10
Friday 20th August
As one of the students on the dig from Colchester 6th Form, having this excavation at Caerleon as my first archaeological experience has been really exciting. Although being a shock to the system on the first day, it soon became normality! So far this week I have been allocated to Area B, and have taken part in digging as well as learning how to use the EDM and 'Dumpy Level', two interesting and technical experiences. I also managed to overcome a fear and use a mattock for the first time, which actually turned out not to be so bad after all. Today, however, finds washing has been my main activity, for which I am very grateful due to the large amounts of mud (thanks to the rain) in the trench that I have been able to avoid! The excavation has been great fun and I shall be sad to leave after only one week; I will miss everyone as well as the experience but certainly not the rain!
P.S. Happy Birthday to Ed in Area B!
Posted by Jess Evans, 21/8/10
Team-members Calum, Jess and Connor from Colchester 6th Form College
Thursday 19th August
Rain and rubble - more rubble and even more rain. A strange day of typical British summer downpours and lots of staring at rocks in the trench trying to work out the sequence in which the archaeology was laid down. The site now looks completely different to less than a fortnight ago when the JCB was on site – thank goodness really as a newly machined trench is not a pretty sight.
Yesterday we convinced ourselves that we had begun to understand the archaeology in the new Area B, but as the day went on it became more and more obvious that actually we still don't know exactly what's going on and that we should let the archaeology tell its story in its own time. The process of excavation can be frustrating at times, but patience is perhaps the archaeologist's most valuable virtue and we will get there in the end (rain permitting!). Find of the day was a lead phallic amulet from the fill of one of the robber trenches, which led to lots of giggling and 'willie' jokes unfortunately unfit for public consumption!
Many thanks to Dave and everyone at Caerleon town hall for letting us eat our fish and chips in the dry during a particularly heavy downpour.
Posted by Peter, 20/8/10
Thought I'd share the view of Caerleon from my tent (ah, if only!). A sunny holiday snap to brighten a grey day.
Wednesday 18th August
Steve's meal of the day: Lamb and Lentil soup, followed by Strawberry Cheesecake and fresh strawberries
Despite a gloomy forecast, today turned into a fine day with good weather for digging. We continued with the sections through the robber trenches in Area B, and also in this Area we uncovered a yard surface in the NW corner. This is the same kind of surface that the 'intermediate phase' buildings of Area A (unmortared late or post-Roman walls) were built on top of, and we can probably expect the same to appear under the rubble along the west side of the trench.
In Area A, three teams of diggers started to remove the final areas of rubble at the southern end of the trench, thus working their way down towards the floors of what will be 'Room 1' of the warehouse building. Some further clues as to the stores contained in this building are coming up with things like the possible slingshots that cropped up on Tuesday. While in the early days of Isca we know that arms were stored in barrack rooms and rampart-back buildings (one of which was excavated at the Prysg Field site in the 1930s), perhaps this central warehouse also contained some armaments as well as more bulky supplies such as textiles or leather.
As yesterday, we sadly had to bid farewell to one of the staff today, with Scott leaving us to join another project in Egypt for the next 4 weeks. We wish him and that project, at Saqqara (led by Paul Nicholson from Cardiff), all the best.
Posted by Andy, 19/8/10
P.S. Now the blog is getting quite long, we've finally put it the right way around! New updates will now appear at the top of the page.
Tuesday 17th August
Steve's meal of the day: Proper homemade steak (or veggie) pie with banoffee pie for pudding.
Incoming secret message: Attila (Ian) and Godzilla (Anna M.) have now usurped the blog from our tyrannical leaders and we are now the voice of the people!
Having finished cleaning Area B and having planned the pile of rubble, we inserted two 2x2 metre trenches to try and uncover the mystery of the robber trench cut over the main external wall. The EDM-ers and their 'pole monkeys' (along with the newly designed 'Idiot's Guide to the EDM') were up, running and ready, plotting our small finds. We have found lots of good metal finds… possible sling-shots, a possible Roman scabbard-slide, a possible belt-buckle… unfortunately mostly found on the spoil heap by Sam, our Metal Detector Man (MDM)!
So far we are about 50 cms down in these trenches, so only another metre and a half to go?! The team in Area A had a good day cleaning and missing all the archaeology which was also found by the MDM. The Wobbling Tower of Caerleon (the photographic tower) was yet again erected by one of our fine directors and the Scaffold Team - even the member with the six-foot-plus-vertigo broke his vertigo threshold (only another 24 feet to go!). In Area B a new short length of wall was sighted, which sits on rubble and was covered by rubble - again the Romans thrill us with their rubbley conundrums… what did they ever do for us?
(Tyrannical leaders here again …) We were pleased to welcome our local MP, Paul Flynn to the excavations this afternoon. Also, this is Attila's (aka Ian Dennis) last day with us in Caerleon, so many thanks to him for all his help. Ian is a natural Prehistorian and we are glad he leaves us with a flavour of some 'real' archaeology (rubble stones not just plough-knapped flints!).
Charlotte and Alex showing the site to visitors, including Paul Flynn MP
Sunday 15th August
The last day of a long first week, and a chance to look at the whole trench as now revealed (see picture below). The team has worked really hard this week and not only completed the emptying of the backfilled 2008 trench ('Area A'), but also exposed the top of the archaeology across the new area ('Area B').
In this area, we have been able to proceed twice as quickly as we did in the original trench two years ago – it is a smaller area, but we also know a lot more about the kind of archaeology we are dealing with. The robber trenches are also more clearly visible, and seem to be quite late, as they cut through the rubble overlying the Roman (and possibly other) buildings, whereas in Area A they had been sealed by rubble. This suggests that different parts of the building probably collapsed at different rates, leading to episodic robbing of the stone later on. Now we can start emptying these trenches out and seeing what post-Roman buildings we might have. We shouldn't get too complacent, though; if archaeology teaches us anything, it is to expect the unexpected!
We ended work a little bit early in order to do a comprehensive site tour and then began organising an end-of-week party, a tradition on the dig and an important reward after a very hardworking and successful first week. Our day off is Monday, so normal service will resume on Tuesday.
Posted by Andy 17/8/10
The site at the end of week 1, with the new extension of the trench ('Area B') in the foreground, and the 2008 trench ('Area A'), further from the camera
Saturday 14th August
The day began with heavy rain, not an auspicious start to the weekend! However, the weather was kind to us and the sun eventually broke through. Tim Young of Geo Arch arrived this morning and we set out the site grid pegs, which allowed the control points for the EDM (Electronic Distance Meter) to be fixed in to the grid. This is a really useful piece of surveying equipment which is a big help in our recording, and training for those who are unfamiliar with an EDM can now begin.
Work has begun in earnest in the new northern area of the trench, which was opened this year, and it appears that we have a continuation of the north/south robber cut which was encountered last season (visible to the right of and behind Mike, in the white t-shirt, in the foreground of the picture below). Work continues apace in several areas of last season's trench, concentrating on the same robber cut of the main external north/south wall.
The visitor numbers were high today, approximately 120 people through the gate, which was a very pleasing sight indeed.
Posted by Scott 15/8/10
The new extension of the trench ('Area B')
Friday 13th August
Steve's Meal of the Day: Deconstructed Toad-in-the-Hole, followed by American Chocolate Cheesecake.
Despite the inauspicious date, we had a very productive day today. Most of the workforce was focused upon the new trench extension, with a thorough clean-off of the whole area. The machine-digging of the topsoil makes a huge difference at the start of the excavation, but we still need to get the last bit of topsoil off by hand, so as not to damage the archaeology.
As we were doing this, we already began to see promising areas of rubble, which from the experience of two years ago (which is recorded in our 2008 blog), provides an important guide to the locations of possible post-Roman building activity, as well as to the stone-robbing activities carried out in the Medieval and later periods. To have reached this stage before the end of the first week is really good progress and the whole team has worked exceptionally well.
Of course, no army marches (or digs!) on an empty stomach, and this is an appropriate moment to acknowledge the outstanding catering we are enjoying this season. Lorraine and her team at the White Hart furnish us with fantastic baguettes at lunchtime to keep us going through the day, while Steve Ash at the Cricket Club always cooks up a great feast for our evening meal, giving everyone something to look forward to at the end of the day, whatever the weather has thrown at us. Our heartiest thanks to both!
Posted by Andy 14/8/10
Thursday 12th August
We were delighted to welcome lots of visitors today, after features in the local newspapers and on TV, including the BBC∞ and ITV∞. We are also pleased that there's now quite a lot for people to see on site. We've exposed the final areas of the 2008 trench today, taking off the last of the black plastic coverings.
The site beneath, with the large masonry foundations of the legionary warehouse, and then various phases of alterations and subsequent buildings, is all now visible. Our first priority for this area is to finalise our understanding of the post-warehouse phases. These encompass a complex sequence of adaptation, reuse and collapse of the Roman building fabric. Then, hopefully by the end of next week, we will start into the latest floors of the warehouse entranceway and rooms that we have been patiently contemplating for the last couple of years.
In the meantime, we also started today on the task of cleaning back the new extension area, levelling the area off after the machine-digging of the topsoil. At this point we should start to see whether we have the same kind of sequence as in the original trench; if so, we are likely to encounter some Medieval agricultural activity first, and then, hopefully, some more evidence to help us understand the end of Roman Caerleon.
Posted by Andy 13/8/10
Wednesday 11th August
A good day's weather at last, meaning that we made excellent progress in clearing out the backfill of the 2008 trench. By the end of the day we had most of the site exposed again, and it really looked just like it had at the end of the season two years ago! The walls and floors of the Roman warehouse that we are now going to excavate just need a little cleaning to freshen them up.
During the day we also had lots of visitors from the press and media. People have started to visit us (see picture below) and we hope lots more will be inspired to do so by news of the discoveries that have been made here in Priory Field and elsewhere in Caerleon∞. Our tours are at 11am and 2.30pm every day (except Mondays), and if you come along you'll have a chance to talk to the archaeologists working on the site about the very latest finds. And in a couple of weeks, over the August Bank Holiday weekend, we'll be open throughout the day, with lots of activities for children.
Posted by Andy 12/8/10
Evie and Charlotte looking at finds, on a tour of the dig
Tuesday 10th August
A really mixed day for weather – our first session hiding from the rain and our first digging in bright sunshine! Lots of backfill removed in the end so we should have the full extent of our 2008 trench clear tomorrow.
Our aims this season are to dig out the rooms of the legionary warehouse that we exposed last time and get down to the bottom of the Roman levels in this area, while also exploring a new extension to the north. This additional area will enable us to study more of the ephemeral late/post-Roman buildings that we were able to partially examine last season. With the archaeology of this period, exposing significant open areas is absolutely crucial to understanding what is going on.
At the moment we are about 25 archaeologists altogether, though we will grow to about 45 later in the season. The team includes Ian Dennis (Attila the Brum?) and Mike Luke (assistant directors), Caroline Pudney and Tina Paphitis (supervisors), Chistine Waite (finds supervisor), Scott Williams, Ceilidh Hammill, James Goodsell and Anna Gow (assistant supervisors) and students from Cardiff and UCL – this year the blog will have much more from all staff, not just us.
We are also looking for a theme for the daily blog entries. Last time we went for quotes from Roman authors, but we want to do something different this time round, so why not email us with suggestions of what you would like to see - more quotes, find of the day? You can also follow the dig via Twitter too!
Posted by Andy & Peter 10/8/10
The dig team in Week 1
Monday 9th August
By Jupiter! We're back - bigger and better than ever! After 2 years away we are here in Priory Field once again - and it's raining. After a bone dry June and July, all farmers and gardeners are rejoicing at our arrival in Caerleon. We will have to sacrifice another student to appease the spirits of Isca who bless us with so much rain.
The team has assembled over the last two days, with staff and students coming from far and wide, ready to reopen the legionary storehouse excavations. We have about 16 students in the first group, together with about 10 staff on-site. As we write this, the last part of the trench is being stripped by JCB, while at the other end everyone is cleaning down with mattocks and shovels to the plastic membrane we left in the 2008 trench. We have adjusted the footprint of the trench a little in the hope of exposing more of the later or post-Roman phases that caused such excitement last season. Our excavation is thus longer and thinner than last time around. Everyone's looking forward to the excavation – our final season here so we've lots to do and – hopefully – plenty of exciting discoveries to blog.
Posted by Andy & Peter 9/8/10
Opening up the trench
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