text:
Monday, April 4, 2011
[Comic title: Probability; Alt text: My normal approach is useless here, too.]
Let's not beat around the bush: this comic is shit shit shit shit shit. But it's shit in the style of Randy's creeping, insidious shit--it's not a 631, but it's bad.
We'll start with the art, since it's the most obvious type of shit in this shit casserole. Panels 1 and 2 are your garden variety graphs, though it's not really clear what either of them are talking about--what's the hashed line in the first graph? What's lasting how many years in the second one? Why are they all a-kilter? Is that supposed to be artistic, or touching?
The third panel is remarkable mostly for its giant terrible IV bag. It's connected to nothing and the lines on it make it look more like a chart someone has written on that's dangling from some sort of random post. It was bad enough that on a first read I wasn't entirely convinced it was meant to be an IV bag, because even Randy can't make something that ugly. (Incidentally, this led me to wonder if the interpretation of the comic wasn't just 'it's sad that our relationship might not last forever :( which would have made the shit levels in this comic go off the fucking charts.)
And then there's the fourth panel. Randy, you are incapable of conveying emotion with your creepy spider-fingered stick-people. I'm sorry. The weird gaps in his arm and torso where they intersect with Megan? Those are ugly. The positions they're in? Incredibly awkward. It's not a touching panel, it's just sad--as in pathetic, not as in 'oh, how sad and sweet they are . . . maybe that is hugging? I think maybe that is hugging.' I'm convinced it's only there because without it, people could probably interpret this comic as being intended as having, at the very least, some intention of being darkly humorous.
And maybe that would have been okay. Instead Randy decided to put on the whine-pants when he wrote this one. "Bawww, sometimes using statistics to understand something just makes it depressing! My cold, calculating comfort from the confusing world of humans just makes me sad now! I NEED A HUG, MEGAN, HUG ME PLOX." Of course, Megan is not going to hug him. Even if she didn't already hate him she would have started after this whiny piece of shit.
You know what, Randy? Sometimes when you try to understand something you find out it sucks. Not all facts are comforting! Most of them are just going to remind you that you are alone in an uncaring universe, that you will die alone and afraid, and that you'll be completely forgotten after you die--not right away, perhaps, but in the cosmic sense of things, quite soon.
"I used to like it because it has so many real-life applications," says Author Insert. "Used to," as in he doesn't like it anymore. But what bothers me most is that, in statistics, he surely must have come across dozens if not hundreds of situations where the statistics were more depressing than anything, and I'd bet he didn't bat an eye. Maybe he'd comment things like "I weep for my gender," as he did when individuals with Y chromosomes tended to respond in certain ways on his color-naming thing. But always wry, cynical, or otherwise detached. No, it's not until the statistics touch home that Randy declares he is so over them. They have made him aware that people he knows are also mortal, and that's just not cool.
Here's some advice for you, Randy: harden the fuck up. Oh, feel free to be sad all you like. But you suck at pathos. It's not a thing you are remotely good at. Your art style is all wrong for it, and trying to shoehorn something geeky into it doesn't make it any better. I'd say "stick to what you're good at," but what you're good at is making terrible comics all the time, forever, so maybe just quit instead.
UPDATE: This post is so popular I thought I'd link to our IRC channel! It's #xkcd-sucks on Foonetic. Be there, or die horribly in a fire.
182 comments:
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 2:20 PM
Interesting tidbit:ReplyDelete
He is presumably talking about cancer, since I'm pretty sure that is the most common disease that uses 5 and 10 year survival rates.
Those are actually pretty good survival rates. Depending on the type and stage of cancer you could get down to a 40% (or even 5% if you have pancreatic cancer) 5-year survival rate.
So in this case statistics should have been comforting?
Maybe he should have checked out the statistics before making a comic about...statistics.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 2:20 PM
There is a high correlation between eating ice cream and getting bitten by snakes.ReplyDelete
Relationships where the man is more emotional than the woman tend to end earlier on average.ReplyDelete
Just as probability has its origins in games of chance, statistics has its origins in insurance. It has ALWAYS been depressing!ReplyDelete
People who start a conversation with a stranger by asking, "Have you heard of XKCD?" are 180% more likely to be virgins.ReplyDelete
haha i weep for my genderReplyDelete
Reading XKCD will help you to lose faith in humanity faster than otherwise.ReplyDelete
In any given moment Rob inhabits 50% +/-50% of the universe, 19 times in 20.ReplyDelete
What a wondrous place our world is!ReplyDelete
Except that we are all mortal, and this wondrous place doesn't give two shits about it.
How has this man-child existed so long without confronting mortality. Is he just now going to get to the 'reading-a-lot-of-Nietzsche' phase in his life? I thought he might have been past that. More likely, he is so selfish and above-it-all he thought it just didn't apply to him, until it hits home.
What a fucking twerp.
Was my post not angry enough for you, Rob?ReplyDelete
you said it was not a bad comicReplyDelete
and called it "fine"
Dark matter constitutes 80% of the matter in the universe. Rob is a mostly black mulatto boy.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 2:53 PM
The most obvious scenario to me was about some baby the couple were having and it's chance at survival.ReplyDelete
Then I thought "what is this, the chance for the relationship to survive?"
And from there it just got mopier and dopier.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 2:54 PM
^ Nono, say what you will, Randall Munroe is no Tim Buckley.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 2:58 PM
Oh god the xkcd forums are painful. I must be a masochist just for going there.ReplyDelete
Also, I guess they believe you can just walk up to strangers, tell them about all your hardships, and expect hugs. I always thought this would be a rude thing to do, but I guess, to them, it's all right!
Captcha: Blestron. Robotic blessings.
I think basically I just tried to pretend the fourth panel didn't exist, and doing so makes it seem more darkly humourous than "Oh you think I'm always so funny? Well BAM how's that for serious?"ReplyDelete
still Rob you failed to mention how awful the alt-text is so I must award you only a 5/10 [probability of surviving this year]
p.s. the bit about "in statistics he surely must have come across dozens if not hundreds of situations where the statistics were more depressing than anything" just made me think of the UB40 song "One in Ten" and yeah i'd appreciate not being reminded of the existence of UB40 in futureReplyDelete
and Tim Buckley is no Ryan Sohmer, but he's damn fucking close.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 3:05 PM
Some point while reading this review I was reminded about that horribly preachy comic about... alternative medicine or belief, I think.ReplyDelete
Anyway: where are the Arrows of Science now, Randall? Hm?
RED RED WII-III-III-IIINEReplyDelete
The arrows of science are out there.ReplyDelete
Captcha: tantivel, there's a carnival in my pants, want to come ;).
"Anyway: where are the Arrows of Science now, Randall? Hm? "ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 3:51 PM
I have this recurring nightmare that I can't speak anymore--or rather, that I lose the ability to choose my words, to compare and contrast, to array them in perfection. I stop being clever, become inarticulate, mundane, boring. I can neither express nor obfuscate. Of all the dreams I've had, I count it among the worst, and it always comes up when my words have failed me. Words are all I have. I have to be careful with them.ReplyDelete
There's a boy I've been seeing, or rather I very pointedly haven't been seeing, who doesn't give a fuck about words. I don't know what it is--he's very clever and bright and even occasionally eloquent, but he takes no joy in language. He's the sort of person who says things like "they're just words." He doesn't celebrate a clever turn of phrase. He doesn't care about precise phrasing.
All of it adds up to make him seem completely and utterly confident. Or perhaps confident isn't the right word--perhaps comfortable? Like his attitude towards words extends to the world. It doesn't matter if it's just right, if it's arrayed perfectly. As far as he's concerned, none of it matters--not so long as his idea gets across in the end.
It's fascinating on some level. On some other level, I hate him for it. If words are all I have, he doesn't care about it. He doesn't need it. He practically disdains it. He gets this condescending little smirk when I talk, like he thinks I'm silly and unenlightened for striving to find the perfect turn of phrase. But there's something compelling about it--sometimes, when it's late at night and I'm too tired or drunk to resist, I can almost imagine that he's right, and I really am the ridiculous one.
- JustScottApril 4, 2011 at 4:49 PM
Wtf Rob, you're not supposed to review the comic, you're just supposed to crap out Megan jokes and 4-chan-esche insults.ReplyDelete
Captcha: alsibr - The name of my first born child. Won't be capitalized.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM
What the hell. I normally read this website and laugh at the absurd analyses of a simple comic. But this crossed a line. He made this comic because one of his relatives has gotten cancer and the first two graphs represent the mortality rate of this specific type of cancer. And you tell him to "harden the fuck up". Really? You are a complete dick. One of his relatives is dying and you say "boo fucking who"? This is sickening.ReplyDelete
'guys, i'm so sad i have to share how sad i am with the world so i can get sympathy from my legion of drooling fanboys'ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 6:37 PM
'guys i'm so angry i have to share how angry i am with the world so i can make other people angry like me'ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 6:53 PM
Randy's comic is sad =/= Randy's comic is goodReplyDelete
How the fuck are we supposed to know this is supposed to be about his family, anyway?
The comic has like zero indication. Are we all supposed to constantly check every forum post Randall makes in order to understand his comic? Or are we just supposed to assume that every "sad" thing he does is automatically totally justified because sometimes things happen that are bad?
Has one of his relatives actually gotten cancer? He's never explicitly stated this. Actually, he said "everyone is going to be okay", implying that the illness involved wasn't terminal.ReplyDelete
So what I'm thinking is that it just got him thinking about death and making whiny turds of comics like this.
It seems like a weird contradiction. He won't give any specifics, but he'll whine about what he's going through emotionally with comics like this and 817.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 6:55 PM
It's empty in the valley of your heartReplyDelete
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind
The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 6:55 PM
What its not like he asked for sympathy or did anything offense. he just posted it on the internet. It's not like he went screaming through the streets yelling love me.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 6:56 PM
I was shown this website a year or so ago by a friend who was too busy "Loling", his term not mine, to work on our group project. I remember going through a couple of your comments on here about how the comic sucks, about why it sucks, and about how that is the ultimate truth.ReplyDelete
What brought me back quite suddenly was the most recent comic, which you have outrightly put down above. I wanted to see your reaction to it, to see if you might have had a differing opinion on the new comic.
Of course everyone is entitled to their opinions, I am as you are. I've noted you quite blatently put down this comic for its lack of humor. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure that most comic artists don't stick to either one emotion or the other when writing their comics through out the years. I don't believe that he was trying to be funny with the comic, and I don't believe that the lack of it causes the piece to become shit casserole.
Recently I know the author of XKCD had been going through extremely difficult times due to a sickness in his family. I wasn't sure on just how severe it was until I saw this comic. Insulting him for coming out with just the sort of feeling he was going through is extremely heartless and egocentric. Then of course, if that's just what you were going for I must say you did a fine well job. Why should you care what this person is going through? I'm sure you wouldn't know. But perhaps, since the author of XKCD does have a relatively large fan base, many of who do contact him, wishing him well and complimenting him on his comics. I could see that as being a valuable reason for portraying his emotions with his readers. Because unlike you, they do care. As would any other normal good willed human. As an artist, you may expect those whol follow your work to actually give a flying flip over what you're going through, and how that's influencing what you do.
My friend that I fore-mentioned constantly tells me about your site, and will spend a good part of his time in school quoting you and following in your foot steps on insulting the comic. Normally this wouldn't be an issue. I was quite surprised however when my friend, who I was talking to over chat, told me he was a little sickened by your most recent post.
So, here I am. I've noticed quite a few jokes about how XKCD causes people to "lost faith in humanity" and that this much open emotion from the author is "painful" to read.
Well, I thought you might like to hear an alternative opinion from your own if your ego can handle it.
As I read this webpage, I lose a bit of faith in humanity. It's extremely painful to read the forums here, where there is an utter lack of human dignity and compassion. Only that of a bunch of angsty individuals who find humor in mocking that of which isn't there pain, that of which other people have to go through on a daily basis.
It's usually against my own character to wish ill upon somebody, but I would geuss it would do you some good.
As you lay in your last bed, counting down the hours minutes and seconds that you have been experiencing, I hope that there is sombody, who you do not know directly but have access to hearing, that will laugh profoundly in your face at your suffering.
It's an extremely horrible thing to say, but so it mocking those who suffer. Who are you to judge until you have been through such torment? Do as you wish, for it doesn't matter too much more to me. You and your minions here on the site will continue your ways without a single blip of hinderence to your momentum. I'm sure my words will mean nothing to you if my assumptions on your own character are correct.
Be that as it may, perhaps somebody will find something of use here in this text. But however it goes, try and remember the simple idea of karma.
What goes around, comes around. That, and Karma's a real bitch.
hahahahahahaha fuxxxx yesReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:02 PM
So, my grandma has cancer. My family has been pretty horrible and dickish recently.ReplyDelete
Does that mean if I make a shitty comic about it, then post it on the internet, everyone who doesn't like it is totally an asshole?
And does it mean karma is totally badass when it gives their grandmas cancer (WHICH WILL TOTALLY PROBABLY HAPPEN BTW) and their families start being dicks (WHICH WILL TOTALLY PROBABLY HAPPEN BTW)?
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM
To the previous Anonymous, 7:02ReplyDelete
I never said disliking artowrk made you an asshole.
However, *you* are an asshole.
And Karma is only badass when it gives assholes, such as yourself, cancer.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM
Wow, you sir, are a douche, and as of posting this, not even a remotely funny one.ReplyDelete
Munroe's comics are not perfect and perhaps sliding in quality, but this post was in no way a constructive criticism of the fact,
nor was it a funny or even entertaining bit of writing.
This was a heartless, pointless, troll rant. It made your cite lose any semblance of credibility and actually inspired me to support Randall Munroe more.
I should really buy another poster from him.
Encyclopedia Dramatica is that way --->
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM
What the fuck is that supposed to mean. I agree with him. He wrote a well worded bit about the post and you wrote "hahahahahahaha fuxxxx yes". Are you mentally retarded? Are you trying to mock his seriousness? Either way you clearly lack the ability to communicate in an understandable way.ReplyDelete
you guys are making me so happyReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:09 PM
Happiness is one of the major ingredients to success. Perhaps you'll come across that in your future. I'm here to help.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:10 PM
What you feel superior because we are actually serious and you are not? Good for you Rob. good for you.ReplyDelete
being serious is pretty much the worst thing you can possibly be on the internetReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:17 PM
Being serious is only second to being an inconsiderate inhuman troll monger for what's the worst to be on the internet.
And as one of your very own fanboys above stated,
i dunno. as an inconsiderate inhuman trollmonger, i'm having a lot of fun. while you guys are all hand-wringing over whether it's okay to call a whiny piece of shit a whiny piece of shitReplyDelete
I suppose there will always be clueless dingbats who just don't get that mocking talentless hacks who put their work up for all to see is one of life's unsung pleasures.ReplyDelete
Randall is at least a year older than I am, which means that he's 26 or 27. This kind of stuff is pathetic for someone at his age. There are more tasteful and less awkwardly mawkish (awkish?) ways to present this kind of material. Randall has the subtlety of a sledgehammer, and he deserves the criticism he gets.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:24 PM
Not too much "hand wringing" going on over here.
However, you seem to do a considerate amount of hand wringing about what you call on almost a daily basis a "piece of shit".
If it's so blatently horrible, and you've stated your case, why continue?
I'm sure you gain plenty of pleasure of remarks such as this, where you imagine a large group of teenagers foaming at the mouths with anger at your posts. But you thouroughly overestimate the anger levels of those you mock.
But here on the other end I imagine you looking at the newest xkcd comic, where you begin randomly typing up whatever comes to mind about how it sucks, so that you'll be able to appease the few other inconsiderate inhuman troll mongers that have chosen you as their leader.
Nothing too exciting or over the top, and I'm sure it's fairly close to reality.
If you want to get a rise out of people, try insulting their families. Or kicking their dogs, I'm sure it would be far more effective.
Face to face insults and pain are much more efficient.
Man, I missed the huge flood of Cuddlefish Against Cancer. That'll teach me not to hit my refresh button.ReplyDelete
My mom had breast cancer a few years ago. I guess with that as a context, all of my comments on this comic are automatically right?
or people are jerks for disagreeing with me
or something
I just don't know anymore
- UndercoverCuddlefishApril 4, 2011 at 7:26 PM
in which i demonstrate that i know how to use punctuation and capital lettersReplyDelete
Panel, the First:
Oh, look. What is this? It looks like... no... could it be? A graph? What a rarity! What an absolute joy! I simply adore graphs, and to see one in a webcomic is nothing less than delightful. It must have taken a lot of creative effort for Mr. Munroe to come up with this novel idea of putting a graph in his webcomic, and at this point I am excited to see where the remaining three panels will take this innovation.
Panel, the Second:
Hm. I guess this is... a table? Is it supposed to match up with the information from the graph? Neither of the curves on the graph seem to pass through the point where "5 years" and "81%" should meet, so I guess this table is completely unrelated to the graph? A little confusing, but it's groundbreaking stuff, regardless. I trust Randall "The Visionary" Munroe to clear things up in short order.
Panel, the Third:
Two people are sitting on a bench. Maybe in a park? Oh, no, there's something vaguely resembling a massive IV bag, so I guess we're in a hospital. A hospital that buys very large IV bags, presumably because they get a discount by getting fluids in bulk and need to justify all that extra liquid somehow. It's amazing that Randall can convey such intricate and detailed backstories simply by making something appear larger than normal.
Speaking of things that are bigger than they should be, Mr. Figure O'Stick (and his incredibly large head) is sitting with his wife/sister/wife-sister combination (don't you dare judge Randall's proxy) and looking at a piece of paper. Maybe the piece of paper has graphs on it? Maybe this is where the comic comes together. It makes sense, because Mr. O'Stick implies that probability is no longer his favorite branch of math.
Ah... could it be that the graph and table from the previous panels depict some sort of probability? Is Mr. O'Stick upset with the implications of the numbers? What do the probabilities represent, then? Somebody is sick in the hospital bed; are the numbers mortality rates? No, that wouldn't make sense, because the percentage is lower after 10 years. So it must be... a survival rate? Maybe I'm confused about how this whole life thing works, but after watching daytime cop dramas and zombie thrillers for over a decade, a 77% survival rate after even a week seems pretty generous, let alone 10 whole years.
Panel, the Fourth:
Apparently Randall-proxy Figure O'Stick and Megan-proxy Cousin-wife O'Stick are both incredibly upset that their sick family member is most likely going to survive for at least another ten years. They hug one another for comfort, and Figure O'Stick smells his wife-daughter's hair longingly.
Is this it? I was so excited by the first panel, where Mr. Munroe showed signs of taking us to new, exciting places that his comic has never explored before. Instead we get an overly sentimental piece of crap in which Randall's author-insert stick figure takes a fairly heartening statistic and uses it as an excuse to be overly sentimental while molesting his Megan stand-in character.
Pretty creepy, Randall.
Also, it's pretty interesting that his graph is cut off at about 70%; it makes a higher-than average survival rate look like almost certain death. It's a really good thing Randall hasn't made any comics about being misleading with statistics or anything crazy like that; some people might consider that hypocritical.
Anon 7:24, did it ever cross your mind that Rob does this for fun? Not particularly to get a rise out of people, although that is a delicious and fairly predictable side effect, but because mocking awful stuff on the internet is, well, FUN? Have you never mocked an awful movie or a trashy novel in your life? Seriously, try it. It's incredibly cathartic.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:28 PM
And Rob,ReplyDelete
We're not debating on whether or not xkcd is a whiney piece of shit or not, we have our minds made up. As do you.
But my question is as before, if it's the same story every time, and it either sucks just as bad as the first or gets worse over time, why continue?
For the rise? If that's the peak of enjoyment in your life I'd try getting a girlfriend/boyfriend to which suits your liking, and try a little thing that we humans like to call "sex"
- UndercoverCuddlefishApril 4, 2011 at 7:28 PM
yes i said overly sentimental twice in one sentenceReplyDelete
i wanted to hammer that concept home to you fucktards
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:30 PM
Please see my above posted comment.
I don't find humor in mocking what sucks, or atleast not over such a long and strenuous length of time.
That song Friday certainly sucks, and I laugh whenever I hear it mentioned.
But I don't make w ebsite about it, and then begin laughing at Rebecca Black's sick relatives.
you should man, it's fucking hilariousReplyDelete
A fundamental aspect of criticism is finding humor in mocking what sucks. Just ask Wilde, Mencken, or Dorothy Parker.ReplyDelete
Rob, I baked you a cakeReplyDelete
It's shaped like hatred but it tastes like joy
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:34 PM
Hey Gryffilion yeah mocking stuff on the internet is fun. But mocking a guy who is struggling with the fact that one of his family members is dying. Not cool.ReplyDelete
- ErnestoApril 4, 2011 at 7:39 PM
@7:30: If Rebecca Black put out a new video three times a week, and if all your friends kept telling you how awesome each new one was, sure as fuck you'd make a website mocking Rebecca Black and her totally sick relatives.ReplyDelete
PS: This can't be Randall's sick relative. That relative was supposed to have been just fine. This is some unrelated whiny shit.
It would be not-cool if he'd presented it in a tasteful way. However, Randall's methods, as per usual, are both disgustingly saccharine and disturbingly creepy.ReplyDelete
Look at panel 4. Seriously, just look at it. He's presenting the issue of his family member being ill with stick figures, using the exact same medium and website that he used to give us this. If Randall had any sense or decency, he would have selected a different format and a different site in which to upload this. However, then he wouldn't get the massive amount of tearful fan support that he so obviously craves.
If he's going to be so utterly artless and inept at his presentation, then criticism of said presentation is entirely justified.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:39 PM
Anonymous 7:28,ReplyDelete
Sex often becomes much less enjoyable the more you have it, because humans are wired to feel change and it simply becomes an appreciated part of routine. The people who talk about how awesome sex is are usually the ones not getting as much as they'd like.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:41 PM
Anonymous from 7:39ReplyDelete
And here you are talking about sex as well. What does this say about the two of us? ;)
- UndercoverCuddlefishApril 4, 2011 at 7:43 PM
sex is fucking boringReplyDelete
seriously my right hand is better than any of the women i have fucked
and i am left handed
now shut up virgins
the reason i don't answer questions is because i have shit to do and don't want to waste my time actually paying attention to trollsReplyDelete
one and two-line posts, on the other hand, are great fun because they rile you up so much
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:45 PM
Seriously guys, if you want to get at Rob just take a look at the mawkish bullshit he posts at:ReplyDelete
Pot, kettle, black etc. etc.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:45 PM
There's too many people to address at once without confusing a few people, so I'll just address each idea at a time.ReplyDelete
Does the representation of emotion really matter? If a small child draws a picture of a sad little boy, and it is poorly drawn, does it take away the power behind that image?
If somebody were to wright a sentence on the internet using incorrect grammer, or a spelling mistake, does it mean that the intent behind that saying is completely lost?
Personally I feel extremely bad for Rebecca Black. I mock the song, not her or her family. The song is atrocious, but she didn't make it up. She had to choose between that song and another that she felt was out of her league. Her mother had paid for her to take up this singing act, and she certainly wouldn't do something to insult her mother by not singing a song. The writer of that song even came out to say that it was written while half asleep, and not really caring about the actual work. The music company that produces those songs has HUNDREDS of similar songs, just as bad.
But I have no website insulting the producers and their sick family members, or their song writing skills.
7.34 but what if the guy who is struggling with the fact that one of his family members is dying is on the internetReplyDelete
then by your rule i) mocking him is fun but by rule ii) it is not cool
i suppose thinking about it they aren't contradictory
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:47 PM
And another thing,ReplyDelete
I posted another repsponse earlier. And it has magically disapeared. Any particular reason for that? I believe I addressed Rob's lack of answering questions, and managed to answer them for him.
Where oh where could they have gone?
how... ORWELLIANReplyDelete
btw, boilerplate answer: since the one person who actually is able to moderate comments on this site (Carl 'Ugly' Wheeler) departed (UNMISSED) yonks ago there's been noone who can actually delete comments here.ReplyDelete
seriously guys have you read some of the comment threads on this site, do they look like they were moderated
CATPCHA: catingst. South African feline sadness.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:50 PM
Anonymous 7:44ReplyDelete
I see the blog, and now I understand. More than I ever could have before. Thank you for this. I particularly enjoy the movie quotes. Brilliance! Using another person's own art to portray your own. I could have sworn re-using old material was bad. Oh well.
May the trolls of the internet descend upon him.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:57 PM
I must have imagined the whole thing too. If only this all could have gone along with it.
Big Brother is watching us you know. Always. Pretty soon they'll be here to stop me from my wild and angry teenage rants. Better get as much in as I can before it comes to that.
1984 WAS a horrible book, all things considering. I should go make a website about it.
oh thank god blogger's "randomly delete posts" feature is still extant. these threads aren't complete without people accusing me of deleting comments.ReplyDelete
- ErnestoApril 4, 2011 at 7:59 PM
"There's too many people to address at once without confusing a few people, so I'll just address each idea at a time."ReplyDelete
Yet you failed to address the one cogent point thrown in your direction, that you aren't assaulted by your friends/peers/colleagues three times a week, insisting that the newest Rebecca Black video is the paragon of artistry. Jesus fuck.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 7:59 PM
My pleasure, 7:50. Spread the word.ReplyDelete
- EidolonApril 4, 2011 at 8:00 PM
so I just read "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" for the first time, and there was a fantastic description of Rob.ReplyDelete
"I am a great soft jelly thing. Smoothly rounded, with no mouth, with pulsing white holes filled by fog where my eyes used to be. Rubbery appendages that were once my arms; bulks rounding down into legless humps of soft slippery matter. I leave a moist trail when I move. Blotches of diseased, evil gray come and go on my surface, as though light is being beamed from within.
Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Bee tee dubs this is the best thread in a while. Thanks anon!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Ah ha! Rob!ReplyDelete
I am riled! Watch my hands flow across my keyboard with utter fury! Their rapid velocity matches the constant growing fumes from my furious mind!
How DARE he use a two line- wait.
It's three. It would seem my anger was misplaced. I quickly find my cool.
You know me so well.
7.50: the rules - you use samples of other people's work to evoke some response because you're too lazy/incompetent to evoke it yourself: b a dReplyDelete
you use samples of other people's work to evoke some response but build upon them in some complimentary/contradictory way: g o o d
7.57 how dare you mock george orwell he was sick with tuberculosis when he wrote 1984
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:03 PM
And yes!ReplyDelete
Let the vagrant accusations fly!
That Rob, the unholy overseer of this site! He must be going about, hunched over, grabbing our poor, defensless posts and dragging them away to his dungeon! How horrible! Something must be done.
You sir, are a fiend for your unfair and unjust mediation of this site! Heavens above!
Might I add, this is quite fun!
You were right, making fun of pieces of trash on the internet brings out the best humor in all of us.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:05 PM
I notice you don't link to any of Rob's rambling shitfests for the 'good' examples, Ann. Seriously, the guy writes emo teen-angsty crap that is a thousand times worse than xkcd, and you all say nothing?ReplyDelete
Fucking sycophants.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:06 PM
Oh good Ann!ReplyDelete
I never made fun of Mr. George Orwell (If that IS his name)! I merely stated his work was terrible.
His poor family must have been just saddened by his sickness.
I hope I did not offend his lasting soul in any way! Is there anything I can do to make peace with him? Perhaps apologize?
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:07 PM
Anonymous 8:03ReplyDelete
I wouldn't say they're ALL psychopaths,
just hypocrites. Perhaps hypocritical psychopaths.
8.05 you think I actually READ any of the shit Rob puts out? I don't even read Kittens Often Lie and that has cute pictures as an inducement.ReplyDelete
8.06 It's too late now. He's dead. I hope you're happy with what you've done.
anyway I only turned up to share two pictures of Rob I got from the paparazzi yesterday one two
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:12 PM
"Yet you failed to address the one cogent point thrown in your direction, that you aren't assaulted by your friends/peers/colleagues three times a week, insisting that the newest Rebecca Black video is the paragon of artistry. Jesus fuck. "ReplyDelete
Well for starters, I most certainly am not! But I would have geussed that was assumed. I didn't realize It had to be addressed. I was even more confusing when I made it easy. My apologies to you good sir.
I am however constantly blasted with another site, called xkcdsucks.blogspot.com by a friend of mine and of how great it is. That is, until today. And there is no site by me of how xkcdsucks, sucks.
Is that a sufficient addressing to your anger at my lack of addressing?
All this talk of dressing could use some salad.
"I am however constantly blasted with another site, called xkcdsucks.blogspot.com by a friend of mine and of how great it is. That is, until today. And there is no site by me of how xkcdsucks, sucks."ReplyDelete
nobody thinks this site is great, dude. try coming up with a more plausible lie next time
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:14 PM
I am much too wary to click your images, I apologize. One of my weaknesses if I do say so myself.
And if you don't read Rob'shit that he puts out, then how do you know it's not just as bad as any other "re-using of past material to make a point"?
I apologize for pointing that out, but I am a bit confused now. You've done me in.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:15 PM
Undercover Cuddlefish is not very good at going undercover.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:16 PM
And to who it may concern...ReplyDelete
This is entirely irrelevant to anything above, but my captcha was just most certainly "Inglip". Hopefully this is worth mentioning.
8.14 basically i just wanted to link to some really good house music* and the fact your post could be construed as anti-sampling meant i could use it as an excuse. IS THAT A CRIMEReplyDelete
*by which i mean NOT JIVE BUNNY
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:18 PM
Vagrant accusations? I geuss it just isn't a forum roll without such a thing from the site's poster. If you do not believe me, then that is that. But to go and try to insult me by calling me a liar?
That... that...
Wait, no. It doesn't.
Well.... I geuss my name isn't REALLY anonymous.
wait, who did i call a liarReplyDelete
your mum is a liarReplyDelete
how else could she say she loved you
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:20 PM
R.I.P Eric Blair.ReplyDelete
I apologize for saying that a book you wrote while you were sick was very poorly written.
Does it all make up for it if I say that I liked Animal Farm?
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:23 PM
nobody thinks this site is great, dude. try coming up with a more plausible lie next time
You most certainly "insinuated" I am a liar, for liars are those who would come up with a lie.
I did admit to being one though. Just not on the topic of having xkcdsucks paraded in front of me. My name is not as this comment would have previously suggested.
Perhaps I am merely Eric Blair come again! Taken upon a new name to do my writing elsewhere, on the vast internet!
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:24 PM
If you are then you've really gone downhill.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:24 PM
Original angry poster has gone. Y'all are just playing with yourselves now. But it's funny to see you all scramble to get to him - it's like watching geese fight over bread.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:26 PM
Dear Rob: this is my point.ReplyDelete
Dear Others: Do you legitimately believe you're making some sort of progress here....?
- NobodyApril 4, 2011 at 8:27 PM
I think this site is great, dude.ReplyDelete
yeah but these are gay geese who enjoy the fighting and the constant homoerotic tension as much as they enjoy the breadReplyDelete
edit: wait, raven is here! that makes it heteroerotic tension, bow chicka wow wow
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:28 PM
My "mum" never told me she loved me. But that doesn't mean she isn't a liar. She also told me Santa Claus wasn't real, and we all know how much baloney that is!
And thank you for resorting to basic internet conversation strategies by using my mother to insult me. A classic.
your MUM is resorting to basic internet conversation strategies by using your mother to insult youReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:32 PM
Ann mothered Ann. Ann also fathered Ann. This is why Ann hates traditional mothers everywhere.ReplyDelete
Captcha: smobil. Two guys are walking along the river bank, and one grabs the other's cell phone. "Why'd you do that?" the first asks. The second hurls it as far as he can over the lake and replies,
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:32 PM
Progress? Would that be with or without a capital P?
And progress towards what might I ask? I don't see myself making any progress towards any objective than my own entertainment of being here.
And to the anonymous who said the original angry psoter is gone, who were you referring to?
Hopefully not me, because my extremely long post at the beginning of this was in no way angry.
Disapointed maybe, but not angry.
And don't insult Eric Blair! I'll make fun of you on my newfound blog!
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:35 PM
If you are here for entertainment, then welcome! But otherwise, rest assured that nobody here legitimately believes anything any more, except that writing is entertaining.ReplyDelete
You can mother me any time RavenReplyDelete
wait that sounds wrong :(
but also so right
ann you just want to taste her delicious milkReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:38 PM
Apparently doubleclicking angers this site, and forces you to re-post. As I was typing before I was rudely interrupted by site maintenance,
Your use of memebase pleases me. It's always good for a laugh.
But surely you cannot think I would be a troll! I am merely the stupid white knight of the internet! Here to save the weak from overbearing authoritatrian bloggers!
But how long can I fight these monsters before I become one myself?
Was that a good, or bad use of previously used movie material?
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:41 PM
Ravens do not produce milk.ReplyDelete
not with that attitude/that doesn't stop him from wanting itReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:44 PM
I am a work of fiction that grew out of a locus of hatred on this site.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:45 PM
To the vast amount of users here,ReplyDelete
I see the trolls have lost their attention with me. Either I am victorious, or there is a greater threat to their reign of terror in the vicinity. Or they're just happy to see eachother. Either way, it would appear I have become ousted in this... battle of... wit, or something like that.
Hah! I found your naked milk fetish video, Raven!ReplyDelete
Also, wtf just happened here? There are some huge ass-posts up there.
Ignore them, Kitten. Hopefully we can get back to the true purpose of this site: trading pathetic insults and innuendo under the guise of improving our writing technique. The American Dream ladies & gentlemen.ReplyDelete
CATPCHA: sionts. It works, bitches.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 8:50 PM
Are you referring to me?
Really though, those posts would be the doing of
And I think it's due time for another...
Ann's crush on Raven is so large that it is almost a tenth of the size of Rob's left moob.ReplyDelete
Like that?
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 9:04 PM
We made sweet comics together.ReplyDelete
...Speaking of which, where did that get to? I feel like in this relationship I'm the one always putting out.
btw fattiesReplyDelete
i have linked the IRC channel at the bottom of the post, you should all come hang out
I got it half done and then exams and stuff happened and I lost the impulse :( though holidays have now started so it should not be long :)ReplyDelete
If only I was more like Randall. When sad things happen and I stop comicking, I could just write "Sad things have happened so I have not comicked. Er, maths."
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 9:44 PM
Oh, wow. People are actually coming here to defend Randall. Do these people invade barbecues to preach about the evils of eating meat too?ReplyDelete
So, how do anons know Randall's relative has cancer? That sickness comic was anything but definite about that, his blag didn't either and I won't go into the xkcd forums to check. I didn't go there when I was a fan, let alone now. I didn't even know this was about cancer at first.
...I was going to continue this rant, but it's already too late for the party. And I'm sleepy. And this probably isn't making any more sense.
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 10:03 PM
Anyways, I fixed #881 so that it is (a) no longer mopey, while still (b) keeping much of the source material.ReplyDelete
Pretty sure you will all understand the graphs better now.
- BeforetApril 4, 2011 at 10:12 PM
Wow, the thought police are gonna make all of y'all unpersons.ReplyDelete
In other news, the final was somewhat anticlimatic today, don't you think?
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 10:33 PM
Jesus fucking Christ, I was so looking forward to there being a post about this comment so that I could act all indignant and watch people try to put me down for it. Now I find these cunts have come along to piss all over my parade. This is total fucking bullshit. My entire day is spoiled. Fuck the lot of you, I hope you die in an acid bath.ReplyDelete
You're still here?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 4, 2011 at 11:04 PM
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 12:15 AM
I thought those were supposed to be rape statistics, like the probability of living a certain period without being raped. He's raping her in the last panel, isn't he? Looks like rape to me. So basically he's saying his lust has overpowered his love of mathematics and so he must flagrantly disrespect the odds.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 1:02 AM
Undercover cuddlefish is undercover:ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 3:18 AM
Don't know how to feel about this rant, I was all "yeah you fucking tell that faggot to quit his bitching"ReplyDelete
But then I read the comments and realized this might be about cancer.
I am torn.
- darwiniacApril 5, 2011 at 4:06 AM
So having lost two family members to cancer and having nearly lost another, I feel qualified to say this comic is beyond shitty and Randy should feel much shame for posting it - but never will, because there's no room for shame in that head so occupied by fantasies of a vagina with breasts he may suckle gently (a boobgina, if you will).ReplyDelete
"Why Megan," he would say, "how singularly odd." "Oh, I knew you'd be disturbed by my boobgina," she would reply. "Not at all, my sweet" he coos reassuringly as he licks his lips in anticipation, "not at all."
Anyway, I don't take any joy in the fact that Randy's relative is dying, because I don't know them and they may well be a humble and kind person well aware of their limitations. No, the only tragedy that should befall Randy is a mirror held up to his shittiness so he can realize what he's foisted upon the world.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 4:15 AM
By the way you should really say 'sex' not 'gender'. Gender is a linguistic term such as the 'gender of the latin word for table is feminine.ReplyDelete
So it should be 'I weep for my sex'. Although in a comic so littered with sex like sexkcd this might be misleading.
Also just realised this might not be case in American English- would be interesting to find out
OK, honestly, you've gone too far. One of Randall's closest family members went through a serious illness, and he's making a comic expressing how mathematics helped him both himself and the ill person get through it.ReplyDelete
I understand that you people have to try and be angry about every single comic, but Randall just had someone almost die. Give him a fucking break.
it's my understanding that Randy is already on a fucking break and has been since 2003ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 6:47 AM
@AJ: A close family member of mine died of cancer, you don't have to be so angry towards me. Give me a fucking break!ReplyDelete
@Ann ApolisReplyDelete
Good god this comment thread is filled with some self important cunts. And not just the usual ones. We're bursting at the seams with cunts.ReplyDelete
Randy should come over here himself, it's like a cunnilingus connoisseur's cornucopia up in this bitch.
"I am however constantly blasted with another site, called xkcdsucks.blogspot.com by a friend of mine and of how great it is. That is, until today. And there is no site by me of how xkcdsucks, sucks."ReplyDelete
actually there are like 10
also everyone here hates rob. everyone
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 8:42 AM
I am triskaidekasyllabicisationalistically challenged.ReplyDelete
I am not bitter - though a tad pent-up I reckon.
Oh Capn. My Capn.
You suck at the artful arrangement of sesquipedalia. And 'cunt' is my word - get your own!
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 8:45 AM
Tide comes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can't explain that.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 8:45 AM
You gaping, prolapsed cunt!ReplyDelete
*Cunt punts ALTF*ReplyDelete
Captcha: matin. Mom walked in on me and my sister matin'
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 9:21 AM
ALTF boots BootyReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 9:39 AM
guys Randy died. Google 'Randall Munroe dead' and check it outReplyDelete
Oh good, now its the self important cunt that I know and recognize.ReplyDelete
bring back the cuddlefish
O Capn my Capn.ReplyDelete
It's your own fault for trying to emulate li'l ol' me.
Nothing worse than a cunt that's full of themselves.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 10:05 AM
Nothing BETTER than a cunt that is full of itself my Kitten of Colostomisation.ReplyDelete
And how many of those anons were you impostoring as kitten?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 10:14 AM
Not too many.ReplyDelete
Hardly worth counting.
seriously fuck offReplyDelete
None, Capn, at least this time. But it's pretty obvious that no-one who actually likes xkcd comes here anymore.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 10:25 AM
Dearest RReplyDelete
I am sure you actually meant to write:
'Seriously, fuck off'
Without the inclusion of the comma, the word 'seriously' must be read as an adverb. This unfortunate reality renders your otherwise erudite request ambiguous.
Though English is my fourth language, I do know this much.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 11:27 AM
Nono, you have to fuck off all proper and polite. No antics.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 11:40 AM
Raven, Raven burning bright
In this blogo-spheric blight
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have her sex(1) for sex tonight.
(1) To be understood as a noun like Anaïs Nin would mean it.
Apologies to Messrs. Blake and Anonymous.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 11:42 AM
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?ReplyDelete
Raven's sex(1) is fearfully symmetric.ReplyDelete
(1) To be understood as a verb like Marvin Gaye would mean it.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 12:30 PM
Fearfull symmetry?ReplyDelete
Cosmetic labiaplasty?
What's Going On here?
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 12:35 PM
Ooops, missing an 'L' from my stash.ReplyDelete
That'l learn me!
Even now.
Where the fucking fuck does it say this have anything to do with randall munroes actual real life?! It doesn't. What, are you faggots so stupid you think his "breakup" comics (which outnumber his "whee love" comics by a fair amount) are related to his real life too? Jesus christ you've got your panties in a bunch over absolutely nothing. Like atheists, amirite?ReplyDelete
Seriously, there is absolutely nothing to suggest that this has anytjing to do with his months-old family sickness. You stupid cockgagging shitcunts are defending a point that doesn't fucking exist.
And for the record, I always swear this goddamn assturd much ever since I got back from the navy.
For the record, he says assturd a lot more since he got back from the Navy.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 12:57 PM
Ves said:ReplyDelete
"....And for the record, I always swear this goddamn assturd much ever since I got back from the navy...."
Goodness! Do you still eat with that same mouth though?
In The Navy? Is it still Rum, Bum and the Lash?
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 12:59 PM
Why does Randall get a free pass on a completely shit comic because he has sick relatives? I mean, the fuck, drawing comics is his job. I'm sure if I performed work ridiculously shitty when my mom had ALS I would have been fired. But no, Randall gets a free pass. He's above criticism.ReplyDelete
Fuck cuddlefish and their lack of logic.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 1:00 PM
Yeah, cuddlefish opinions are worthless.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 1:05 PM
Who the hell has English as their fourth language? It's the current global lingua franca. Several billion people have learned it as their second language. I'm sure there are millions with English as a third language; Belgians, Swiss, Indians and various Africans who grew up in bilingual households (where neither language was English). But as a fourth language? That's a pretty unusual background.ReplyDelete
Ivorian who grew up speaking Dioula and Senufo, learned French in school and English later? An older Vietnamese historian who learned Russian and Chinese early on and English later?
ALTF, were you born in Goa prior to 1961? Konkani, Marathi, Portuguese, then English?
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 1:14 PM
The majority of Indians know English as their second language out of convenience since the different regions of India have different first languages just so you know.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 1:25 PM
"....I'm sure if I performed work ridiculously shitty when my mom had ALS I would have been fired....."ReplyDelete
Your mother is Lou Gehrig?
They may not fire you for this, but I should think your 4th grade understanding of the Queen's English would warrant summary dismissal.
The word 'had' is in the past tense completed aspect. If one had ALS that means they are either cured now, or dead. You should have used the word 'has' - past tense ongoing aspect.
You also used the adverb 'ridiculously' to modify the adjective 'shitty' - you need a noun here. Perhaps had you said: "I'm sure if I performed work in a ridiculously shitty manner when my mom had ALS I would have been fired" the reworked syntax would have functioned correctly. Also, the word'had' need not be changed now.
First: A minor language in the Sino-Tibetan family.
Second: Spanish - My adopted country spoke Spanish.
Third: French - The various countries where I was educated.
Fourth: English - I learned so I could elicit larger fees for blowjobs.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 1:35 PM
@ Anonymous 1:05 PMReplyDelete
Goa is full of catholic cunts and I was born about two decades after 1961.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 1:42 PM
Aquarians Love To Fuck is the most interesting person on here. The rest of you are boring shits.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 1:58 PM
@ Anonymous 1:42 PMReplyDelete
Stop that you cunt!
I thrive on rejection.
I will not brook positive reinforcement.
Pay no attention to the cuddlefish behind the curtain. They are for amusement only.ReplyDelete
Fucking Aquarians has requested that I post a link to photographs of her.ReplyDelete
Click me - she's in red.
And we are not allowed to be amused here Capn?
ALTF this place is rife with dullards. Come home to where you belong.
"By the way you should really say 'sex' not 'gender'. Gender is a linguistic term such as the 'gender of the latin word for table is feminine.ReplyDelete
So it should be 'I weep for my sex'. Although in a comic so littered with sex like sexkcd this might be misleading."
take that up with Randy, not me.
Rob, you're wrong. You've never been so wrong, this was an awesome comic.ReplyDelete
From the top, Randall shows us some shitty graphs and statistics... I am already waiting to be pulled into another shitty stats comic. Randall probably found out something about the difference between bacteria and viruses or something. Then panel 3 happens, he talks about how he used to love statistics... I hesitate for a moment... he's not giving me some useless trivia only he thinks is funny. What is he doing? 4th panel, they're hugging. Someone is dying!?
Shock sets in! Amazement! Statistics to give someone a life expectancy! Ooooh, what a dark turn of events this was! I was had, hook line and sinker, the dark twist at the end was more than I could handle and I burst out laughing. A bait and switch worth remembering. And the punchine! He managed it almost WITHOUT words! Just hugging! Sure, the art was shitty, but that hug clarified what was said in the previous panel! He actually managed to show rather than tell something! And it was FUNNY.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 2:41 PM
So Aquarians is intelligent, hot AND sexually adventurous?ReplyDelete
Awesome. I'm gonna go fap to those pics.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 2:42 PM
We both know all about the difference between the social construct of Gender and the linguistic concept of Grammatical Gender.ReplyDelete
Don't we Rob?
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 2:44 PM
How cute!
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 2:50 PM
"If one had ALS that means they are either cured now, or dead. You should have used the word 'has' - past tense ongoing aspect."ReplyDelete
I said had because she had ALS. As in she's dead. Should have been obvious-- but apparently not to you.
yes. I found it especially amusing at the time that Randy went to such lengths to make his questionnaire inclusive by asking about chromosomes instead of sex, and then just went and said everyone with a Y chromosome was gendered male.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 3:21 PM
He said everyone with a Y chromosome is gendered male?ReplyDelete
His grasp of karyotipic cytogenetics is questionable.
Swyer's Syndrome pops to mind.
I think he might be a cunt now - assuming your rendition of his words is accurate.
Anonymous at 2:50 PM said:
"...I said had because she had ALS. As in she's dead. Should have been obvious-- but apparently not to you....."
But! You prefaced your statement with the phrase: "I'm sure if I performed work..." This is in the present tense ongoing aspect which would require the past tense ongoing aspect 'has'. If you had written: "I am sure if I had performed work...." then 'had' would have been acceptable.
What is obvious to me is that you are an unlettered buffoon who had, but no longer has, a mother.
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 3:41 PM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 3:43 PM
Sorry, I messed up badly - it had to go.ReplyDelete
How ... OrwellianReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 5, 2011 at 3:47 PM
Well, English is my third language but I know a total of five. That outranks you somewhat, does it not?ReplyDelete
In order: Slavomacedonian, Russian, English, Latin, French.
CAPTCHA: seshoriv; "I'd go to the seshoriv I could"
It's cool because he can speak to anyone south of Texas with his 4th language.ReplyDelete
- CroakerApril 6, 2011 at 5:37 PM
I don't know any languages. I have tried to learn. In fact, I have been attempting this worthless feat for some time. I'm writing in a language, but I have denied and am going to persist in asserting that this shan't prove nor will prove anything. What I have learned today from XKCDsucks comments is that conveyed meaning is irrelevant, but knowledge of tenses is key. If I can, if I could, if I should, if I might, if I must, I shall endeavor to try and improve, and thereby earn the love and adoration of all the trolls who would currently mock my pathetic attempts. I would have been celebrating at this point, but the suspicion remains that I will have been relentlessly attacked very soon. Oh well.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousApril 8, 2011 at 8:29 PM
Oh rob... you're such a douche, it's almost funny.ReplyDelete
Hmm, no, actually it's just sad.
sounds good to meReplyDelete


text:
In a split vote Tuesday, members of the Leavenworth City Commission denied a waiver of a sign regulation for a downtown business.
In a split vote Tuesday, members of the Leavenworth City Commission denied a waiver of a sign regulation for a downtown business.
The owners of Gold Factory, 331 Delaware St., had sought a variance to city development regulations regarding window signs. The regulations permit only 33 percent of a window area to be covered. And city staff said signs placed in the windows of Gold Factory exceeded this limit.
According to City Planner Berrin Nejad, signs were erected at the business over a weekend without a permit. Representatives of the company then met with city staff Oct. 25 and a permit was issued for some of the signs on the outside of the business. But signs in the glass door and two windows were still in violation of the regulations.
A deadline for appealing the window sign violation was Dec. 3. No appeal was filed by that date and a case was initiated Dec. 5 in Municipal Court. The company's owners filed an appeal Dec. 31, and the court case was put on hold, according to Nejad.
Commissioner Mark Preisinger questioned Tuesday whether commissioners should consider the request.
"In my opinion, the time to appeal to us has passed," he said.
Commissioner Phil Urban said he also had trouble in regards to procedure not being followed. On the other hand, he said he doesn't have a problem with businesses doing what they want with their windows.
Mayor Larry Dedeke said he halfway agreed with Preisinger but also understood the points Urban was making.
Dedeke said the appeal wasn't filed until 28 days after the deadline.
"I'm inclined to go with Mark on this," he said. "Let the court handle it."
Commissioner Davis Moulden said if commissioners approved the variance, anyone would be able to put up a sign of any size without a permit.
"If you allow it to happen, then you've opened a can of worms you don't want," he said.
Mayor Pro-Tem Laura Janas Gasbarre said the city has sign regulations on the books. She said commissioners can look at changing the regulations if they want.
She said the business did not follow the correct process.
"And we did give him an opportunity to appeal," she said.
James Dearth, one of the owners of Gold Factory, said there had been some confusion.
He said the owners had wanted to appeal the sign violation when they met with city staff but were told the proper form didn't exist at that time. There also was confusion regarding whether there would be a fee.
He said signs on the outside of the windows were removed and signs were placed on the inside of the windows.
"So we thought the issue was in compliance," he said.
He said the use of the window signs is a security issue. He said it prevents people from seeing how many people are in the store.
Dedeke said the signs also can hinder security.
City Manager Scott Miller said a police officer who was driving by would not be able to see if there was anything wrong in the store.
Urban suggested a person could put up plywood within six inches of the inside of a window and put up the same signs. He said this wouldn't be considered a violation.
"That's not signage on the window," he said.
Urban said he didn't understand the 33 percent limit for window signs.
Preisinger asked if approving the variance would set a precedent that would negate the sign regulations.
City Attorney Thomas Dawson said signs still would be looked at on a case by case basis.
Urban made a motion to grant a variance for the business. The motion failed to pass with a vote of 2-3. Urban and Preisinger voted in favor of the motion.
Commissioners later approved a waiver for Stephen Meyer. He had asked for a waiver to a sidewalk requirement associated with the construction a new home at 1230 Holman St.
Commissioners also waived certain requirements regarding driveway construction for property at 201 Marion St. owned by Louis Klemp.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
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When a woman or man traps the other one into a relationship by means of a child, the child is the jizz ticket.
Did you here about shawnda? She hooked up with another doctor and now she's pregnant. I guess she finally got her jizz ticket.
by Brown3yw July 03, 2011
A plain, simple, preferably cheap although not too cheap or it sticks to the skin roll of toilet paper cleverly hidden in one's room for usage of cleaning up one's mess proceeding a successful wanking.
"Where has internet porn been all my life?! . . . Also, where are the Jizz Tickets?. . ."
by adem g September 07, 2013


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Ogden Nash
Ogden Nash (August 19, 1902 – May 19, 1971 / New York / United States)
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The Octopus
Tell me, O Octopus, I begs
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
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Apple Vs. Samsung
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To many people, the choice has become as polarizing as Democrat or Republican, Giants or Patriots, Federer or Nadal. These days, you either own an Apple iPhone or you're a holdout, in which case you most likely make calls and send texts with a Galaxy S-III phone made by Samsung Electronics.
While there are hundreds of models to choose from, the smartphone war increasingly is a two-horse race between Apple (ticker: AAPL) and Samsung Electronics (005930.Korea). Together, these two companies will sell 49% of the planet's smartphones this year, but account for nearly all the profits, and the Web overflows with noisy opinions about whose is superior. Investors face a more intriguing choice: Which will be the better stock to own over the next year?
Both are winners in their own right. Each stock has more than tripled since 2009, but still is staggeringly cheap: Apple sits on $29 billion of cash, pays a 2% dividend yield, but fetches just 10.5 times projected 2013 profits -- well below its median of 28 times over the past decade. Samsung's Seoul-listed shares trade at just 6.7 times projected profits. Both are roundly revered: 56 of the 64 analysts who cover Apple urge you to buy its shares, while 47 of 48 who follow Samsung suggest you do the same for that stock. Apple has the planet's biggest stock-market value, while Samsung is the reigning world champion in terms of technology revenue. It holds other titles as well, such as world's largest TV maker, biggest LCD-panel manufacturer, and No. 2 chip maker, behind Intel (INTC).
So who'll come out on top? The contrarian in me wants desperately to make a case for Samsung, which leapt 12 places in BrandZ's 2012 ranking of top 100 global brands and still ended up at just No. 55 -- it has so much room to improve! In contrast, rooting for Apple seems about as original and odious as cheering for the New York Yankees.
But while Samsung may be the underdog, Apple is the more underappreciated stock. That gives Apple the edge in a bout between these two heavyweights -- a winner not by knockout, but by decision. Yes, Earth's No. 1 brand just may be its most misunderstood company. Officials at both concerns declined interview requests, but since Apple peaked at a record above $702 mid-September, its stock has corrected 25%, to about $526. Concerns were already rife that the Cupertino, Calif., tech giant had lost its creative dazzle after the 2011 death of its chief executive genius, Steve Jobs, and recent missteps have only exacerbated those fears. A petty decision to drop Google' s (GOOG) maps from its new iPhone made Apple seem unusually fearful of its competition. Well-publicized labor abuses at Apple's Asian suppliers gave the impression that it was losing control of its supply chain, and things got worse when Apple couldn't make enough new iPhones to meet the clamorous demand. Smelling blood and eager to depose the king, the mainstream media rushed to trumpet Apple's decline.
Things got uglier after Apple reported fiscal fourth-quarter results in late October. While revenue grew 27% and profit expanded 24%, Apple beat analysts' targets by the slimmest margin in years. Management told investors to expect per-share earnings of just $11.75 this quarter, well below $13.87 a year ago. It also cut projected gross margins from 40% to 36%, which money managers took as a sign that Apple is losing its competitive edge. The word on Wall Street was that Apple had slipped from hypergrowth to merely healthy growth, and that it was time to bolt.
But what investors fail to grasp is that this margin compression really is part of Apple's long-term strategy. Today, two of every three dollars Apple earns comes from selling iPhones, which boast gross margins near 55% (see table). Yet when Apple first began selling this iconic product, it went head-to-head against well-capitalized and then-formidable foes like Nokia (NOK) and Research In Motion (RIMM). "So Apple's strategy was to come in with a premium product at a premium price, make the best phone it could, and nibble away at market share from the top end, before gradually moving down in price," says Tony Ursillo, Loomis Sayles' technology analyst. It was a strategy Apple had used to great success before, having carved out a lucrative niche with pricey iMacs and iBooks in a personal-computer market once ruled by Dell (DELL), Hewlett-Packard (HPQ), and International Business Machines (IBM).
That strategy shifted when Apple began selling tablets in 2010. Here was a new market that Apple helped create and which had no entrenched competitor. This time, Apple's priority was to grab as much market share as it could, and make it tougher for new entrants to join the fray. So it priced tablets more aggressively, at least by Apple's standards; iPads' 32% margins are well below its corporate average. As a result, two years after the iPad was born, Apple still sells two out of every three tablets worldwide.
That stellar share briefly dipped to 50% last quarter, frightening investors, but Apple's customers were merely holding off ahead of the much-anticipated launch of newer iPads. Right on schedule, Apple this month began selling iPad Minis with a starting price of $329 and even lower margins. And analysts expect its share to bounce back despite new tablets from Google and Microsoft (MSFT).
Apple's ultimate goal, of course, is to build a large, recurring base of devotees. We think of Apple as a tech and consumer stock, but the way it keeps users hooked and coming back for more, it might as well be a drug maker -- albeit one with 43% return on equity. Studies show that people who buy, say, an iPhone are likely to buy an iPad or MacBook or music and movies from the iTunes store -- fully inhabiting the cozy universe Apple creates. "The lifetime value of that is huge," Ursillo says, "which is why Apple is willing to take a little margin erosion up front to build that installed customer base."
CRITICS FRET ABOUT Apple's front-loaded business model: It makes money selling gadgets and not from post-sale services. That creates pressure to keep selling more units, quarter after quarter. "But what's underappreciated is the annuity-like nature of its business," says Josh Spencer, who manages the T. Rowe Price Global Technology Fund. "Apple's built-in replacement cycle is such that customers locked into its ecosystem reliably upgrade and buy new devices every few years." Case in point: iPhones' purchase prices are heavily subsidized by phone carriers, and customers begin lusting after the latest models even before their phone contracts expire every two years.
The cult of Apple can only grow. Apple has about 255 phone-carrier partners in 114 countries -- less than, say, Research In Motion's 580 carriers in 165 countries. Deutsche Bank analyst Chris Whitmore reckons it can reach 1.8 billion subscribers worldwide. Judging by the number of phones and tablets sold over the past two years, he estimates that Apple has penetrated just 10% of its addressable market. "Apple has plenty of room to run, in terms of greater market penetration, as well as incremental carrier additions," Whitmore argues, starting with the launch of the iPhone 5 in 100 countries by December. His price target for the stock: $800.
Having nudged down investors' expectations, Apple has quietly refreshed all its major products, introducing a new iPhone 5, a fourth-generation iPad, the iPad Mini, and an upgraded MacBook Pro. This new lineup, robust demand, and low expectations should produce a very merry Christmas.
ACROSS THE PACIFIC, Samsung Electronics is no slouch. The flagship unit of the Samsung Group once was known as a staid maker of chips, display panels, and household appliances. That changed in 2010, when it unveiled the Galaxy line of smartphones in Asia. Within 45 days of the phones' U.S. launch, more than a million had been sold. Today, Samsung ships more units than anyone else -- its market share jumped to 31% this year from 3.4% in 2009, largely at the expense of has-beens like Nokia and Research In Motion.
Samsung, too, has many fans. Walter Price, who co-manages the Allianz RCM Technology Fund, thinks the smartphone trend is maturing in the developed world, and that higher growth will come next from developing countries. "That should benefit Samsung more than Apple over the next year, since the lower price points of Samsung phones will help it grab share in emerging markets," says Price. He also owns Apple stock, but has been buying Samsung's Korean shares for qualified investors, along with its London-listed depositary shares (SMSN.U.K.).
Among manufacturers, Samsung is Apple's worthiest foe. Smartphones drive two-thirds of its profits, but it also makes its own chips and display panels, which gives it tremendous control over its product.
Samsung also has a formidable silent partner. It is the world's biggest maker of smartphones that run on Android software, which Google created and gave away free to drum up a market for its mobile ads. Today, Android owns 66% of the market for smartphone operating systems, dwarfing the 19% for Apple's iOS software. And because Samsung doesn't pay for its operating software, it can afford to make cheaper devices that help it dominate the mid- to low-end smartphone market.
In contrast, Apple controls both its hardware and software, and can give its customers a more cohesive experience. Apple's fate also isn't hitched to another ambitious competitor the way Samsung's is. For now, Google's search business is so lucrative that it isn't rushing into manufacturing, but its recent purchase of Motorola's handset unit has to worry Samsung.
"There are a lot of Android makers out there, even if Samsung is the biggest right now. So what Samsung offers is less unique to Google than Google to Samsung," says T. Rowe Price's Spencer. "People are saying about Samsung what they once said about Nokia at its peak -- it has scale, great manufacturing, unit volume, better costs, and it dominates the mid- to lower end of the market. But look at Nokia now." Once the global leader in wireless phones, the Finnish company dropped to No. 7 in smartphones in the third quarter, according to research firm Gartner.
If anything, the recent push by Google and Microsoft to make their own devices validates Apple's vertically integrated model. Apple's control of its ecosystem and user experience lets it charge premium prices, says Canaccord Genuity analyst T. Michael Walkley. That's why Apple accounts for just 19% of smartphone units shipped worldwide but rakes in 68% of the operating income.
THE APPLE VERSUS SAMSUNG DRAMA also is playing out in courtrooms across the globe. A San Jose jury this year ordered Samsung to pay Apple $1 billion for infringing certain design patents, but Apple has lost ground in other courts from the U.K. to Korea. Apple investors should be relieved it has recently settled with rivals from Nokia to HTC (2498.Taiwan), essentially extracting royalties and licensing pacts in return for dropping litigation.
"From a business standpoint, it makes sense to settle with smaller rivals," says Manotti Jenkins, an intellectual-property litigator at Valorem Law Group. "You avoid paying expensive litigation fees, and generate royalties and revenue that can go toward the fight against Samsung."
If more makers of Android phones start paying royalties to Apple, Android won't seem so free after all. Still, both sides could lose in a long legal brawl. Apple, which buys chips and display panels from Samsung, has been looking to other suppliers, while Samsung is pushing back against the below-market pricing and fat margins Apple demands.
"Apple requires more capacity for its custom processors that are exclusively made by Samsung. However, since it has no long-term commitment beyond the end of 2013, Samsung is refusing to spend literally billions of dollars" to add capacity, notes Bernstein analyst Mark Newman. "The risk for Samsung is idle capacity; the risk for Apple is not enough processors for iPhones and iPads in the second half of 2013."
Escalating its fight, Samsung is running attack ads spoofing the cult of Apple. Samsung knows what it's like to have an image problem. It's still perceived as a maker of commoditized chips, says James Thom, a Singapore-based portfolio manager of Aberdeen Asset Management, even if chips drive just 16% of operating profits.
Samsung also owns controlling stakes in various affiliates with a combined book value of several billion dollars. The founding family holds a 15% stake.
Seoul-based Macquarie analyst Daniel Kim expects Samsung's second-generation Galaxy Note II, a smartphone-tablet hybrid, to sell twice as well over its life cycle as the first-generation device, which chalked up 13 million sales. But the S-III's major design edge -- a large 4.8-inch screen -- is being blunted by ever-larger screens on rival phones, plus the trend to make tablets smaller and easier to tote around.
Samsung also benefited from being the only big manufacturer with new phones on sale last quarter, which helped profit jump 91%, year over year. Its smartphone unit's 19% operating margin last quarter was the highest in two years. Can the Korean titan keep that up in the face of new competition?
Analysts think it can, setting a target price 31% above the stock's current quote.
While Apple's rabid growth will slow, that isn't necessarily a disaster; IBM shares went on a tear after that company became a mature tech giant. Apple's per-share profit is still expected to rise by double-digit percentages, and it has quietly started to pay a dividend and buy back stock. With 6% of its vast market value in cash, and only 20% of its earnings slotted to pay dividends -- well below Microsoft's 32% -- Apple has many options for rewarding its shareholders.
Nonetheless, Apple still trades at a 20% discount to the overall market. "Ultimately, this game is moving forward, based on research and development and design -- rather than manufacturing efficiency," says Ursillo. In other words, while Samsung makes phones we use, Apple makes what we didn't know we wanted.
E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.com


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SEX ABUSE AND ZEN or MAKING AN ASS OUT OF YOU AND ME
Assumption is a huge part of reading. It's impossible for any writer to communicate his or her whole life to you. And anyway you wouldn't want to hear about their painful bowel movement following last night's Indian dinner or the new toothbrush they just bought at the 99 cent store. Or maybe you would if the writing was really superb. But even if they told you that, they'd be leaving out a whole lot of other stuff.
When you read someone's writing you fill in what the writer leaves out either with your own personality or with your imagined version of that writer's personality. Reading the comments section of this blog gives me a sense of the imagined version of me that's coalescing around the things I write. It's kind of fascinating because it's so vastly unlike the kind of person I am. Seeing this has caused me to drop my own tendency to imagine what the writers I like to read are really like. I just don't know. Dropping that imagined voice of the writer has actually allowed me to enjoy a wide range of writing in a much more satisfying way.
Taking the last piece I put up on this page as an example, all I really gave you was a photo and a very brief description of the events surrounding when it was taken. From that little snippet, several people invented fascinating worlds of debauchery, insecurity, infidelity and all kinds of other juicy stuff. None of it was real. Yet our own thought inventions are very compelling to all of us and we often get completely lost in them.
When you see someone taking action that you cannot understand it may be best not to assume too much. It's a big waste of time, effort and energy to do so anyway.
I decided today to try and explain publicly a very small degree of what's been going on in my life lately that has led to me doing some things I've been writing about. Once you finish reading this, you won't really know much more than you did before and you will fill in what you don't know with various assumptions of your own. That's OK. I only ask you to be aware of the fact.
When I write about going to a strip club or to a party for the Suicide Girls, a lot of people fill in their own details about why I went there. They assume I was there to get my rocks off, to party hardy, to indulge in debauchery and filth. I won't try to convince you that's not the case because, I'm really sorry, but I just don't care what you think. It's not worth my time, effort and energy. You'll probably even think that I'm writing this piece because I want to convince you of something. You'll make a whole lot of assumptions and you'll believe them absolutely. There's no point in my trying to change that.
But I would like to start talking about something that's become very important to me and the snippy self-righteously holy little tirades I've been seeing in the comments section here allow me a convenient "in" to bringing this stuff up.
My work with Suicide Girls over the past year and a half or so has opened my eyes to a lot of aspects of our culture that I hadn't been aware of before. One of those things is the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse and its impact. In the past year I've heard some truly heartbreaking stories from remarkable women. Not all of them have been SG's. But the fact that I write for Suicide Girls has made some of these people far more comfortable with telling me their stories.
In fact, the theme of sexual abuse survivors has recurred a number of times in my Zen practice. One of the members of the first sangha I was part of was a sex abuse survivor. But I was too young and full of myself to be of any help to her.
I'm starting to think a lot lately about the many issues involving zazen practice as a means of confronting the issues sex abuse survivors have. Of course, zazen is good from pretty much whatever ails you. But there are some specific aspects of the practice that sex abuse survivors might want to be aware of should they get involved in zazen.
One of the interesting issues from my own standpoint as a Zen teacher is how incredibly hard it is for someone with these kinds of issues to talk to a meditation teacher. Meditation teachers are generally very straight-laced, sexually repressed people. Even when a specific meditation teacher is not that kind of person, the aura of holiness that surrounds them can be very off-putting for people who need to talk about rather unusual aspects of their sex lives. Many sex abuse survivors have rather non-standard sex lives, not just because they've suffered abuse, but that the abuse they've suffered has made it difficult to interact sexually the way so-called "normal" people do. As a result a lot of people who could use a bit of what meditation has to offer will never approach it because of the mistaken impression that they are somehow too "dirty" to be involved in such lofty things. This is sad.
Of course, this doesn't just apply to sex abuse survivors. I, myself, would have found Zen utterly unapproachable if I hadn't come across someone like my own first Zen teacher who was not afraid to curse and fart and offend nice people. Though I'm not an abuse survivor myself, I too had assumed I was far too "dirty" for the kind of purity required to do what I saw as pure and holy activities like meditation. I will be forever grateful to Tim McCarthy and all his vile jokes.
I'm going to try to start writing about these issues in the form of a blog in the hope that it will generate material that I'll eventually be able to digest and put into the form of a book. Because I'm taking this approach, the blog will be pretty experimental and I expect I'll find myself taking some wrong steps and following a few blind alleys. But I believe this is necessary.
Since this stuff is a little different from what I established the Hardcore Zen blog to do, I've started a blog called The Porno Buddhist to address these topics. Who knows if I'll be able to keep two blogs going at once. We shall see…


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Saskatoon, Karma and Charlie Sheen
I leave tomorrow morning at nothing o'clock for my gigs this weekend in sassy Saskatoon. You can find all my tour dates on this convenient webpage. It's always the first link on my blog. The links are on the left side of the page, about midway down.
The Saskatoon gigs are as follows:
• March 17, 2011 (Thu) 7:30 PM McNally Robinson Booksellers 3130 8th Street East, Saskatoon, SK, Canada
• March 18, 2011 (Fri) 11:30am-1pm University of Saskatchewan Room ARTS 146 Saskatoon, SK, Canada
• March 18, 2011 (Fri) 2:30 pm Meditation at the Multi Faith Centre at Rugby Chapel, 1121 College Dr., Saskatoon, SK (old church on west side of St. Thomas More College on College Drive)
• March 18, 2011 (Fri) 7:30pm Introduction to Meditation at Ken Sailor's House 422 10th St. E., Saskatoon, SK, Canada
• March 19-20, 2011 (Sat & Sun) 10am-3pm Zazen at Ken Sailor's House 422 10th St. E., Saskatoon, SK, Canada (Dharma talk & discussion at 3pm each day)
I've been seeing a lot of nonsense about karma regarding the recent disasters in Japan. There's a webpage going around that supposedly lists dozens of Facebook status updates saying the earthquake and tsunami were karmic retribution for the attack on Pearl Harbor. Now Glenn Beck is saying it was some kind of message from God. Pat Robertson has apparently learned his lesson and is keeping mum about what he thinks.
The people who post these things about karma haven't got a clue in the world. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you cannot ever know someone else's karma. You can't even figure out your own.
I've often talked about how I can see karma operating in my own life. When I say that I am not referencing things like natural disasters and so-called "acts of God." I'm talking about how, when I act out of anger, angry action seems to come back to me, often from sources other than the object of my original anger. Same with greed, jealousy and all the rest. I am not talking about things like, I dunno, a bucket of soup falling on my head from a third floor window after I stole a copy of Penthouse from the newsstand or whatever. Get those kinds of ideas out of your heads, people!
And finally, Charlie Sheen. The other night a friend in Tokyo called me up. She was pretty shaken up by the stuff going on over there and she wanted to talk about anything but earthquakes and nuclear meltdowns. So I ended up sending her a bunch of videos about Charlie Sheen (including this one I just found. Jeez, talk about "bi-winning!" Hubba-hubba!).
Charlie's stuff didn't make the news much over in Japan. I don't think Two and a Half Men ever showed over there. So all Sheen is known for is his long dead movie career. He's not very newsworthy. Anyway, the videos seemed to cheer her up a bit and got her mind off of stuff she couldn't do anything much about anyway. So Charlie Sheen has provided a valuable public service! And I'm not even joking about that.
As for all the panic talk about those nuclear reactors, can I ask everybody a favor? Just PIPE DOWN WITH THAT SHIT FOR A MINUTE. OK? Because the uninformed panicky garbage you spew out over the Internets travels to people who are really, personally affected by it.
I don't care if you think the politicians over there are lying. EVERYBODY thinks the politicians over there are lying. That is not an original thought or in any way unique. No one in Japan believes anything they hear from the government. They don't need your dire predictions of disaster based on what you learned by watching the movie The China Syndrome on VHS back in 1986. There is plenty of that out there already. Trust me. Plenty. So shut up.
See you in Canada!


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As the ECB's balance sheet shrinks to the lowest point within the past 11 months, and as corporate earnings continue their overall positive tone, the U.S. equity indexes, as well as energy markets, continue their recent strength.
The privatization of Dell also may be stoking some equity buying as the market gets more confident of more deals to come, and more overall confidence in the health of the economy rises. The MAR E-mini S&P 500 contract is up 11 points today, or +.75%. Our next major target is 1530. The market will keep a close eye on this month's economic data to see if another leg up to 1530 is justified.
The U.S. 10-year note, after a clear safe haven bid erupted yesterday, is back down this morning, trading at 131'07 (MAR13 contract), or down 9.5 ticks. Our target for the 10-year note yield this year is 2.4%. We believe this yield level could be reached later this year especially if U.S. employment numbers continue their recent trend of higher jobs growth and lower unemployment.
We focus more on the energy markets today. Crude oil is up $.65 today as the markets seem to be in 'risk-on' mode. We believe crude has good resistance at the $98 level, but if crude can get above this level, we would not be surprised to see crude make a run for the next big level at $102. RBOB gasoline is having another big day, trading up to $3.04 (MAR13 contract). RBOB looks to slowing down its recent strong rally, but we also believe that this market still has legs and expect it to head higher into the summer.
Heating oil is the focus today. Heating oil has had a strong breakout above the $3.10 level, and is up again today, trading at $3.19. $3.20 looks to be good initial resistance, but like RBOB, we believe heating oil has legs to run more, and our next major upside target is actually at $3.
Click to enlarge.