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- Feeling Stuck, Part 23
- MORE Stupid S#*t Cheaters Say
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
My Christmas Wish to You
This year, a houseful of family and friends gathered. Some I see regularly; others I see only once a year but all are cherished.
This year, three of the women at our party are dealing with betrayal. One friend told me about it at the party. She just found out a week ago, though she has suspected for ages.
As another of those women said to me, when I told her of the others, "don't you wish you could just save them all?"
And yes, I do. I wish I could save all of you from the agony of this. I wish I could give each of you a hug and remind you, as often as you need to hear it, that you do not deserve this. I wish I could convince each of you that the day will come when the pain of this experience won't have the same sting. That you'll get through this. That the day will come when you can look back on this, not as something you're glad of, but as something you learned from. As an experience that took you from one place in your life to a better place. Where you value yourself. Where you can give yourself deep compassion for being imperfect. And where you can extend that compassion even to those who've hurt you, whether or not you continue to share your heart and body with them.
In the meantime, while I might not be on this site as often over the next week or so, I think of your stories. They stay with me. And I wish you all a measure of peace over the holidays.
If at all possible, take time each day to sit alone. Remind yourself, in that moment, that you are fine. That you are strong. That you will get through this.
I promise you will.
46 comments:
Thank you Elle just what I needed to hear this Christmas morning. You have/are saving so many women out there. You have a wonderful gift.ReplyDelete
I am also thinking of all the hurt women out there this Christmas morning, I'm sharing the pain and together we will come through this stronger and wiser. Please btw keep posting over this period because for many it will be the only support many women have.
Thanks for that.ReplyDelete
"Enjoying" the holiday with a visit by my father in law, who invited himself to see us for Christmas--bought tickets and sent an email saying he was coming. He is text book narcissist. A psychiatrist would have a field day. In other words, a very dysfunctional person. So I get to see the source of my husbands' personal failures up close for 9 days. So yeah, I got pain piled upon pain.
Finding moments of joy with my amazing kids who for some reason are not fried by presents and sugar at 7 pm tonight. Hope others can do the same.Replies
I'm glad you're able to find moments of joy with your kids. Sometimes those little snippets of peace can remind us that we're still capable of feeling something other than pain.
As for your father-in-law…nine DAYS??? Good Lord, I hope you have patience. I have my 24-hour rule. After 24 hours with my husband's family, I refuse to accept responsibility for what I might do/say. Since I implemented that rule, my husband has been careful to ensure his family doesn't stay longer than 24 hours. :)
One thing about seeing what your husband had to grow up with is that it might give you greater insight into why he's done what he's done. As my therapist once said to me, re. my mother-in-law…"You can barely stand 24 hours…imagine your husband as a child living with that day-in, day-out with no means of escape."
I am a year and 8 months from D day. I chose to stay for whatever reason. We have been through counseling and everything. I am still bitter. Even though I know it is not my fault. I feel everyday that I should have left. I feel like being together is the best thing for my daughter. I have not slept in the same bed except when we travel to family get-togethers. The holidays for me have been ok at best. I feel like I will never be able to forward honestly. Some days I just want to walk away from everything and just start my life completely over in another state or country. I will forever think that he was in love with her even though he says he wasn't. I believe that he wishes he could be her and that I was just the only option left since she moved on to someone else. My heart breaks almost daily. I thought it would get better but it seems to get worse for me and I don't know where to go or what to do anymore.ReplyDeleteReplies
Have you sought therapy? You sound like you're still in so much pain. After close to two years, I wouldn't expect you to be "over" it, but I would hope the pain had been dulled and that life was beginning to look good again.
Have you also sought marital counselling? I'm thinking that there's still a lot of hurt there that hasn't been examined and put to rest. You can't go through life feeling like the consolation prize. You wouldn't want that for your daughter and you don't want it it for yourself.
Please find someone you can talk to who can help you sort through your feelings and figure out a way to save yourself, your marriage or both.
- AnonymousDecember 28, 2013 at 6:47 AM
Well, my husband let me down, he ripped my heart apart, but he's here with me. Not because I asked him to stay, in fact I told him to go and even made it so easy for him. I gave him my blessing to continue with the choice he made, wished him all the luck in the world. He asked to prove to me that he could be a better man. I told him it would be a long hard ride and I didn't think he would last the course. I wanted complete transparency, never to contact her again ( even though it was over when I found out) and wanted to be spoilt, cherished, and loved for who I always was.ReplyDelete
Therapy was something else he had to enter along with marriage counselling. I was a total utter bitch in the first few months, I wouldn't give an inch. I humiliated him by laughing my head off about her, I showed him distasteful things about her, I woke him most nights to remind him what an embarrassment he was. Basically, I was doing everything in my power to make sure he was staying for the right reasons or pushing him to go. Total madness I know.
Things are more normal now, I had to wait and not give in until I had complete, or as complete as it ever will be, disclosure from him. He has regretted every single moment of being with her. The word he kept using for her was " needy" always needy and always wanting to know about me and our life.
As Elle has said before, what they got we don't want, and my husband confirmed this in the early stages when I asked what she had, and he replied, absolutely nothing apart from bad taste and poor morals. He said it would break his heart if I was anything like her. Huh! strange isn't it that they pick these women. He said he just knew she was an easy sleaze bag. its been a long hard road for him unravelling why and how he got caught up in this. Opportunity, flattery, depression and upbringing and the fact that once he crossed that line, he felt that there was no way back.
Its been a peaceful holiday time for us, no great dramas, no highs and no lows. I wish each and everyone of you a better 2014 and I promise you, things can improve. Take the road slowly, don't rush the recovery and cherish yourself. If you're still on this journey and trying ( albeit with difficulty at times) then you are all remarkable, strong and inspirational women.Replies
Every day seems harder than the last. And I too think of jumping on a plane to another Country and escaping my world. Maybe I'll come and visit you all in America ;)Delete
My husband is trying very very hard to make amends. The hardest thing for me is the jealousy knowing that he fancied and wanted her. And I guess that he meet someone after being with me for over 30 years that wanted him. He's 60 in Feb and she has just turned 50
He keeps saying that it was not very nice, that it was not what I imagine. But deep down I know that he had very strong feelings for her and for that I'm sad.
He has told me things but being a women I want to know and ask more. for him it is over, it was a mistake and he wants us to forget and move on. He has now started to get angry with me for keep 'bringing it up'!
We had a very good marriage until the Business (that I pushed for) went wrong and we lost our house. I think that was the reason, I'll never now if it was just the moment he meet someone and she wanted him back?
I've had a lovely Xmas, my children being my strength. I have enjoyed my 1st Xmas with my 1st Grandson although I felt all-day that my husband had no right to Xmas Day or our Grandson as my D-day was around the time that he was born. Even that memory was taken from me.
I still feel that when I'm strong maybe I will have an affair?? As long as he's single. I wonder how all these husbands would feel it was on the other foot
Can't wait for 2013 to go, it started with an argument. Other than my Grandson it has been a year that nothing else can be thrown at me.
HAPPY New Year to everyone on this site
Jane and Anonymous,Delete
That desire to escape and start over can be incredibly strong. We imagine that we'll shake off the pain and start fresh. Tempting…but not real. The pain will travel along with us until we work through it.
And there is so much pain. I know that. Betrayal triggers so many of our own insecurities and makes us feel incredibly vulnerable. And that's a scary feeling.
What finally made a dent in my own pain was the realization that his affair really wasn't about me. That it was two incredibly damaged people working out their own drama. It also helps to recognize that "different" isn't "better". It's just "different". And "different" can feel incredibly tempting to someone who's feeling old and stale and unappreciated himself.
Sadly, it sometimes takes "different" for our husbands to truly recognize just how deeply they love us. To face their own demons and come to a more mature understanding of love and marriage and commitment. Some guys never get to that point. They just keep going through "different" wondering why they ultimately end up feeling the same malaise.
But the smart guys figure it out and work like hell to rebuild what they've destroyed.
Our challenge is to work through our own pain and come to a deeper appreciation of our own gifts and strengths. To understand that, with or without him, we are whole and worthy. You'll get there. And you might just find it was (almost) worth the struggle.
- AnonymousFebruary 12, 2014 at 7:32 PM
What u say is so true. From what I've read women cheat up men cheat down. That's why we can't understand whom they cheated with, but they didn't really choose, it's just who offered. Evolutionarily speaking they just need to sow their oats. Women on the other hand evolutionarily speaking need a good provider.Delete
I also compared myself to ow in an email to my husband where he emailed me back no contest, that I blow her out of the water.
U r also right about no turning back. It sounds crazy, but once it happened it was the path of least resistance to keep it going rather than break up with her.
I just posted this on Shawn's blog. I thought it would be appropriate here, too.ReplyDelete
My problem over the holidays has been worrying that my husband might be waiting to tell me something until after the holidays are over. You know, to save my feelings.
There's absolutely no reason to think this. No hints that he's having an affair again. No indication that he's unhappy with our marriage or with me. No gut feelings. No secretive behavior. Nothing. It's just an idea that came to mind and stuck in my head ever since.
It has been 21 months since D-Day. Our recovery has been very, very good, with no trickle truth, complete transparency, both of us working hard, complete remorse on his part. And yet I still have stupid worries like this! It just goes to show you how destructive affairs are and how difficult it is to completely recover and "move on."
I did tell him about this worry the day after Christmas, and his reassurance was instant and completely convincing. So I feel better now. But still -- what a horrible thing to deal with!Replies
I still deal with this occasionally. I was driving home from an out-of-town meeting a few months ago and I was suddenly struck with the notion that my husband was cheating. I didn't know with whom. But I was SURE. I walked into the house, told him I needed to talk to him privately and told him (in a way I was utterly incapable of the first time around) that I knew what he was up to and I would not put up with it. That he should leave. He was baffled…and almost amused by it. I had no evidence. He offered up his phone, his computer, his whatever I needed. And he reassured me, again, that he will never put me through that again. That's he's working hard to make sure he doesn't go down that path.
And I realized that this was old stuff rearing its ugly head. Because I know it CAN happen, it can be easy to think it WILL happen.
That's where communication is crucial. To be able to share our fears. I'm glad your husband recognized that this was a chance to make the marriage stronger.
I'm blown away by the fact that this happens to you, too. That we can be SO unsure of our husbands, still. And these are the good ones, the husbands who are remorseful and doing their best to make things better. What a debilitating thing this is!Delete
Sorry, I've been a bit depressive the past couple of days. Time to try to pull myself up out of the muck.
I'm so pleased you told your husband your fear and that you feel reassured by his response. I too get days when I'm convinced that my husband is ' up to something' like you I have no evidence whatsoever, however once we put these thoughts into our heads they can be very difficult to banish. And really all were crying out for is some reassurance that we will not be hurt like this again. So rest assured your not alone with these thoughts.
2013 wil always be a year of rememberence for me not because of the affair, but because I gave birth to my second son whom I adore.
Let's try make 2014 special for us and our families leaving them horrible memories of the affair in 2013 x xReplies
I can't tell you how much that helps. I really appreciate the support! And it's always such a relief to know these feelings are normal.
You're right about just needing reassurance. I remind my husband that once I a while, and maybe it's time to remind him again.
Yes, let's look towards a better and happier new year. :)
It's so comforting to hear that you too have these feelings and fears. I put you on such a high pedestal for the endless work You do for btw. You should be nominated for a special award, I'm still thinking which one that should be : ). Truly I believe people have special gifts for a reason and you are one of them people. I have met a handful of people in my life who I believe are remarkable and inspirational I've added you to that list.
This site has brought my healing on so much I recommend it to everyone and anyone lol. I'm so pleased I found you btw.
X x xReplies
Your words mean a lot to me. But please know that I'm you…and you're me. As Brené Brown says, the most powerful words in the world are "me too."
This site has done so much for my own healing. That I've been able to share my pain and my progress with women who actually get it is enormously gratifying. Betrayal is lonely. This site makes us all a bit less lonely.
- AnonymousDecember 30, 2013 at 7:58 AM
Just thought I would share this. Watched a film last night, one lady asked a wise old man, " Why did my husband cheat on me" his reply... " He didn't cheat on you, he cheated himself of your love and respect" xReplyDeleteReplies
That's so true. And I honestly believe it's step #1 on the road to recovery -- recognizing that his affair was about his own stuff. That he was cheating himself, not only of your respect but, even worse, his own.Delete
Thank-you for sharing this. I'm curious…what movie?
- AnonymousDecember 30, 2013 at 1:06 PM
I would also like to know what movie and I would like to know if we could compile a list of good movies that have NO adultery in them. We used to love to watch movies together, now, it seems every single movie has someone having an affair. I need some safe movies to enjoy with my husband again. Any genre, any age, just good, safe movies.Delete
Love that quote. It is so true.Delete
Also finding alot of healing from Brene Brown. I have shared some of her YouTubes with my husband and it is helping us both.
- AnonymousDecember 31, 2013 at 4:08 AM
Hi Elle and Everyone,ReplyDelete
The film is called " Driving Aphrodite" and the wise man is played by Richard Dreyfuss. It was a film my 13yr old daughter asked me to watch, its not a film per se about infidelity but that one sentence hit a chord with me, its kind of corny but I loved it.
I too find it difficult to watch certain films now. There was a recommendation from this site for " Fireproof" which my husband and I both watched together and really enjoyed. One film which is " Safe" is the film with Bette Midler and Billy Crystal called " parental control"
Films to avoid ( and they used to be favourites of mine) are Bridges of Madison County and Falling in love, with De Niro and Streep. Ones to avoid post affair.
We need a darn good film showing the true reality of affairs and I cannot think of one apart from the obvious Fatal Attraction.
- AnonymousDecember 31, 2013 at 10:08 AM
My husband and i were trying to find "safe" movie for at-home New Years Eve viewing, too. Really hard to come up with something unless we go Disney...We watched Fireproof last month on this sites recommendation and enjoyed it. C in Lutz
There is one good movie about affairs that I know of. In fact, I learned about it here, on Elle's blog, then watched it. It's very down to earth and real about what really happens and how people really feel.ReplyDelete
Elle's review is here:
Of course, there will be triggers watching it. I had to stop halfway through because the "first kiss" scene made me start crying uncontrollably. But then I watched the rest, and I actually found it to be helpful. I especially liked that they didn't sugarcoat what affairs really do to everyone involved.
- AnonymousDecember 31, 2013 at 9:39 PM
It has been 18 days since d-day. I can't imagine ever being ok right now. My husband won't stop apologizing and telling me "wonderful things" about me and the future. He wants to make it all better but the harder he tries the more he hurts me. It all feels so fake. I hate what he has turned me into, a sad miserable person.ReplyDelete
I am encouraged that you and so many others have gotten through this pain. But I am having a hard time believing that there will be light at the end of my tunnel.Replies
Dear anon... Exactly one year and 15 days ago I was in your exact spot. Yes, you will make it through this. It's rough going and the blackness is sometimes overwhelming. But I'm here to tell you that you WILL survive. Breathe. The insane train will stop. Give yourself time and be gentle on yourself. You are in trauma. Get help and get into counseling and let your husband keep apologizing. Let him see your hurt and your pain. He must understand how his poor choices have affected you. I don't know if you are a woman of faith in God, but if you are, then let Jesus help you carry this burden and trust that you are a beautiful and wonderfully made creation that the Heavenly Father adores. You are loved and accepted here thanks to Elle, and I'm sure she will have words of comfort for you. She always does. You are tougher than you think, and you will have the light at the end of your tunnel.Delete
As Barb says, we've all been in your spot. I honestly believed I'd never feel joy again. That I would never go a day without crying. And that was true for a long time. But slowly, with time and a dedication to healing, I got past this. And you will too.
As Barb (above) says, focus on breathing. It sounds ridiculous…but slowing down your breathing and just staying in the moment can go a long way toward keeping you grounded and reducing anxiety.
Barb is also wise in suggesting that you seek counselling. It's great that your husband recognizes how hurtful his actions have been but without a positive strategy going forward, the apologies will wear thin.
As for being a sad miserable woman…I've been there. I remember telling my husband he had "ruined me". Turns out…not so much. In fact, I often write here about how my husband's betrayal (though I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy) has taught me so much about who I am, what I stand for and forced me to face down some of my own demons.
I promise the light is indeed waiting at the end of the tunnel. But you have to do the work of getting there.
Happy New Year to everyone here and especially to Elle, who through her wise words and her warmth has made our progress a little easier and a little safer.ReplyDelete
Hi ladies,ReplyDelete
I am 14 weeks post d day, I thought there was no pain like the pain of finding out about the affair my husband had. On New Year's Day my father was rushed into hospital with multiple organ failure as a family we were asked to make a life changing decision. The doctors made it clear that my dad was nearing the end of his life. Right there I felt a surge of pain straight through my heart something I'd never experienced before. I was faced with losing my father. I believe in god and i asked friends and family to prayer for my father. The strength of prayer got my dad through the night something doctors said he wouldn't do, he is still here and fighting today so my request to all you btw is that infidelity is cruel it's heartbreaking it's one of them situations you want to avoid at all costs, losing a parent or fear of losing a parent is another one of them situations. We learn how strong we are when we are faced with these difficult situations, be strong, have faith and know you will get through this I promise x xReplies
Sam A,Delete
I'm so sorry for what you're going through with your father. It's hard to lose a parent. My mom passed away just weeks after D-Day #2…and she had been my absolute rock. However, I was ready to let her go and I think that can make a big difference in how one views death. I knew I would spend the rest of my life missing her…but I also knew that I needed to let her go. Time will tell whether it's your dad's time to go or whether he'll find his way back. Either way, I know this has been difficult for you. Sounds like you have a great dad who raised a great daughter. That's a legacy to be proud of.
Sam A, I am so sorry. It is so unfair that infidelity doesn't make us immune from more tragedy. It doesn't even grant a temporary reprieve.ReplyDelete
Wishing you peace..
My father passed away shortly after I wrote the last entry, I didn't want to let him go but I understand that the time was right for him. All his children were with him. He wasn't in any pain. 6 hours after losing him I am in total shock and disbelief. Who'd have thought I would be going through this. I can't compare this to the affair, the affair does not come close. God only knows how the next few days/ weeks will be for us as a family. Thanks for your support Elle, I now understand how difficult losing a parent is. So sorry you had to endure such pain so soon after d day. God def knows how to test us x xReplies
I'm so so sorry for the loss of your dad. I'm glad he was able to go surrounded by those who love him best. Lucky man indeed. But yes, you're left to live in a world without him.
I hope, with time, you'll hang on to all the gifts he gave to you and recognize that he's still with you. I had an incredible dream not long after my mom died in which I woke up (in my dream) and she was in my bedroom. I told her "mom, I don't want to wake up because everyone will tell me you're dead." She looked at me in that way she always had and said, "But sweetie, you and I are both know I'm right here."
I woke (for real) the next morning feeling like I'd actually been with her. And ever since then, I've believed that she is with me, even when I can't always feel her. My cousins, who also dream about their mom, call these dreams "visits". I hope you get a "visit" from your dad. And yes, I know I sound nuts. But I really don't think I am.
Hang in there, Sam. Tested indeed.
- AnonymousJanuary 5, 2014 at 2:45 PM
My father passed away when I was 15 and I still miss him terribly, but do not discount the grief of the affair...in many ways, the affair was HARDER to deal with because the emotional wounds are repeatedly re-opened, whereas a death is, well, final - and allows you to grieve without it being ripped open over and over and over, especially if the spouse continues seeing the other woman. I've heard others say the same. Beware of expecting it to hurt "less" than a death and undermining your own healing.Delete
I lost a dear friend 1 month after d-day#2. She would have been the person I would have leaned on the most during this but I couldn't because she was in her last days of her battle with cancer. I even missed my last opportunity to see her because I was reeling from d-day #1. I had no idea that she was so short of time. I am still bitter that my husband's behavior caused me to miss seeing her before she passed.Delete
But nonetheless, her life was so vibrant and positive that I found courage from remembering her and mourning with her other friends. Several weeks ago she visited me in a dream and gave me a deep hug that I could feel in my body after I woke up. It was amazingly healing.
What a beautiful wish! And you are doing so much for us virtually! It was a huge source of strength and validation for me when I found this blog! Have a beautiful year!ReplyDelete
That's not nuts at all Elle, I hope I get a 'visit' from my dad at some point in the future. We are holding the funeral in 4 hours so it's going to be a difficult and tiring day ahead. I don't feel as lonely with family and friends around me it's when they go that I will really feel the pain, but as I've learnt on here we have to keep going through the pain. Thank you for all your support you can't imagine how grateful I am x
We buried my father yesterday, something I never imagined doing. The one thing that keeps me going is knowing he has gone to a better place where he will be with his parents again. The last few days have been exhausting, confusing and very very sad. In all this trauma I must mention how brilliant my husband has been he arranged all the funeral arrangements and has been a rock to me and my family. He has proved his worthiness to me and I'm so proud of him. 14 weeks post d day and I'm pretty damn sure I made the right decision by giving him another chance. Time doesn't stand still for anyone so whilst we are recovering from infidelity we are now dealing with the loss of my father which is a lot to deal with for any couple.ReplyDelete
My father god bless his soul is a feisty character and fought for every minute of his life. I vow to do the same, dad would be proud x x
- AnonymousJanuary 7, 2014 at 10:10 AM
DDay was Christmas Eve, followed a few days after by a family vacation. Falling apart inside while trying to not let my kids see was difficult. I've spent the last two days since returning and the with the kids back at school devouring this blog. It has helped me make sense of so much. Thank you for sharing your story and helping others get through this devastating situation.ReplyDelete
Glad you found us. Hang in there. When you're ready, feel free to share your story. I too found out right before Christmas and it was really hard to "celebrate" for my kids when I was falling apart inside.
- AnonymousJanuary 8, 2014 at 5:42 AM
In the comments of Marital Magic Bullet post you told someone that the WH needs to end things with OW with the BS' awareness (either there when he makes the call or copied on the e-mail). I suggested WH email and copy me, but he wants to call, saying a call can take care of everything, she can say what she needs to say and it will prevent back and forth (though I say Blocking her from your email and all other sites would do that) and it will take away some of the guilt he has regarding OW (who knew he was married and what she was getting into). If he calls with the idea if also letting her respond should I insist on being there considering she might divulge things I probably don't want to know? He has agreed to my demands that I access to all his electronics and passwords, he wants to go to counseling and has said he wants his family and to make things right. He says if I insist, he'll send the email instead of calling. What do you suggest?Delete
I think, too often, the cheating spouse is more worried about the OW's feelings than his spouse's feelings. I think you need to present a united front to the OW -- make it clear that you two stand together and that she is not welcome. That's what copying you on an e-mail or including you in a phone call does. It isn't for "closure". It's simply to state that there is to be "no contact" going forward. That's it. Simple and quick. And then you two get to the business of rebuilding your marriage as a team.
I'm sure your husband hates feeling like the bad guy and hates having to be cold and clinical. But this is about helping you. It's about making clear his allegiance to you. That's the thing about affairs -- somebody is always going to get hurt. Better her than you.
MYR- I feel you.ReplyDelete
DDay #1 (told me about the then 4 week long affair, no sex, fooling around,) was 4 days before son's birthday party. I had to email the OW and tell her don't bother coming.
DDay # 2 (he slept with her while I took the kids on a trip so he could have time to "think") was 2 weeks before my daughter's birthday party. I was desperate to cancel but a few guests knew by then and showed up for support.
I didn't think I could survive the parties but I did, somehow. So like Elle says, hang in there. And keep reading this blog!
- AnonymousJanuary 8, 2014 at 8:39 AM
After thinking about it I called WH back at work (on a very busy day during which he has important conference calls and things due) and told him not to call but to send an email, going on to remind him that his only obligation is to me and our marriage. Our vows said "forsaking all others"(even though we are where we are because he broke that vow). Her being hurt is not my concern and has no bearing on our marriage nor does his guilt regarding hurting her. That is something he will have to live with, just like I have to live with the hurt he caused me.ReplyDelete
He was choked up and could barely say "ok" before hanging up the phone. I emailed WH later reiterating what I said about emailing OW, but told him in the end you make the final decision he needs to CHOOSE which action he thought is wisest and best in helping us move on.
I should add that all of this is happening on what started out to be what I thought was going to be a good day after the first truly restful night of sleep since DDay 2 weeks ago following a really good talk during which WH tearfully apologized for as he said "being an ass the last week" and not being sensitive to my being hurt and upset.
I didn't feel that way. It seemed to me he was rather patient (maybe not right word) as I would run away from the dinner table at the restaurant to the restroom or from our hotel room to the restroom in the lobby so I could have my crying fits without my kids seeing.
MBS - there have been a couple of times that I went somewhere with the kids and he went traipsing off with OW, literally seeing us off at the airport minutes before greeting her flight, then getting on another plane for a romantic vacation.
Well done. It's crucial to establish clear boundaries around what you will and will not accept (this is a lesson we should all know from childhood but few of us actually do). It's now up to him. You've made clear your wishes.
Now…make it a "good day". You're actually doing really well. I think I was still curled up in a ball at this point post-D-Day. That you're able to form a coherent sentence is a miracle. Give yourself a hug.


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subset: commoncrawl


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It's Sugar High Friday, the monthly blogging sweet tooth event. When the lovely hostess and veggie evangelist Alanna revealed the theme "Surprise Inside" I knew I wanted to participate by using an ingredient in a surprising way. I began with an idea for adding ground ancho chili and cayenne pepper to a classic chocolate brownie recipe. The addition of cocoa and cinnamon along with the ground peppers would give it that Mexican twist. But I wanted to take my idea a bit further. So I went eastward and my curried chocolate brownie was born!
Combining curry powder with chocolate is an exotic idea, at least to me. Among some boutique chocolatiers, the trend is to use chocolate with ingredients like kalamata olives, sun dried tomatoes, or wasabi. I haven't tried any of these chocolates yet, but it would be fun to taste them at least once.
So how did my curried chocolate brownie turn out? Surprisingly good (no pun intended, well, maybe a little). Overall, the brownie was well received. Most tasters didn't realize it was curry powder until I told them. They just assumed the spiciness came from pumpkin pie spices like cinnamon, cloves, and ginger. They were partially correct. I used Penzeys Spices' sweet curry powder which, according to label, contains turmeric, coriander, cumin, fenugreek, ginger, nutmeg, fennel, cinnamon, black & white pepper, cardamom, cloves, cayenne. Some people with more "seasoned" palates could detect the coriander and cumin.
I can't say this brownie is for everyone. Some people didn't even want to taste it because the idea was just too strange for them. And as adventurous as I am when it comes to food, I hate to admit that I didn't really like it. It just wasn't something I'd eat again. I mean, I thought the curry spices complemented the semisweet chocolate very well and the brownie had a nice texture and flavor. The curry powder was definitely unmistakable, but it wasn't so dominant that it overwhelmed the chocolate. The extra cinnamon and ginger rounded out the heat of the curry powder and the orange zest provided a fruitiness that added some depth. Even though I didn't like my own brownie creation, many people really enjoyed it. So I guess this recipe is a keeper.
Curried Chocolate Brownies
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp sweet curry powder
1/8 tsp ground cinnamon
1/8 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp salt
4 ounces (1 stick) unsalted butter
4 ounces semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
1 cup granulated sugar
2 tsp orange zest
2 large eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
Preheat oven to 325°F. Butter an 8 inch square baking pan. Line the bottom with parchment and butter parchment; set pan aside.
Sift together flour, cocoa, curry powder, cinnamon, ginger and salt. Set aside dry ingredients.
In a medium bowl set over a pot of simmering water, melt butter and chocolate together stirring until smooth. Remove from bowl from heat, and mix in sugar and orange zest. Then mix in eggs and vanilla.Add dry ingredients and mix until just incorporated.
Pour the batter into your prepared pan and smooth the batter. Bake until tester comes out with moist crumbs, approximately 30 minutes. Let cool completely before serving.


text: Event details December 25, 2020 5:00 pm Unwind from a hectic week with a glass of wine or beer, snacks and good company in the church kitchen. Your first time is free. After that, please bring a snack and $2 for drinks. Save Event to Calendar Save to iCalendar Save to Google Calendar Save to Outlook Save to Outlook Online Save to Yahoo! Calendar


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Hi All
A good friend of mine pointed me at some lovely budgie stamps on Joanna Sheen's website. They were drawn by Jayne Netley Mayhew, I just couldn't resist them. This pair are quite small and lent themselves well to the domino sized stampbord.
Stamps; Joanna Sheen; Jayne Netley Mayhew Collection; Budgerigar JNM514. Crafty Individuals; swirl
Inks; Ranger Tim Holtz Distress Ink, Adirondack Dye ink, Tsukeniko Versafine
Look out for the other stamps in the Jayne Netley Mayhew range, there are birds and a selection of other animals too.
This is one without the glaze
- Joanna Sheen
- Jayne Netley Mayhew These are the rubber stamp collections, drawn by Jane and available from Joanna Sheen.
Best wishes and thanks for reading, see you soon
Billie 🙂


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Treasuries rose for a second day, with 10-year yields headed for the biggest weekly drop since September, as $85 billion of spending cuts that threatened to slow the world's largest economy are set to be triggered.
Benchmark 10-year notes extended gains from February as President Barack Obama said after meeting with congressional leaders the reductions will be a "slow grind" on the economy. Treasuries had pared an advance earlier after a gauge of U.S. manufacturing rose to the highest since June 2011. Investors sought safety as Chinese factory growth slowed, the euro-area inflation rate dropped and Italian bonds fell.
"There's a lot of paralysis going on in D.C.," said George Goncalves, head of interest-rate strategy at Nomura Holdings Inc., one of 21 primary dealers that trade Treasuries with the Federal Reserve. "It's not clear yet on how it's going to go, so people are buying Treasuries first and asking questions later."
The 10-year yield fell two basis points, or 0.02 percentage point, to 1.85 percent at 1:39 p.m. New York time, according to Bloomberg Bond Trader prices. It lost 11 basis points for the week, the biggest drop since Sept. 28. The 2 percent note due in February 2023 gained 7/32, or $2.19 per $1,000 face amount, to 101 11/32. Thirty-year bond yields declined two basis points to 3.06 percent.
Monthly Performance
Ten-year yields slid 11 basis points in February, their first drop in three months and the largest since July. They will be at 1.85 percent on March 31 before rising to 2.30 percent by year-end, according to a Bloomberg survey of financial companies with the most recent projections given the heaviest weightings.
Treasuries trimmed gains after the Institute for Supply Management's factory index advanced to 54.2 last month, from 53.1 in January, the Tempe, Arizona-based group said today. The figures exceeded the most optimistic forecast in a Bloomberg survey in which the median projection was 52.5. A reading greater than 50 signals expansion.
Commerce Department data showed earlier that consumer spending, which accounts for about 70 percent of the U.S. economy, rose 0.2 percent in January, matching the median estimate in a Bloomberg survey. Incomes slumped 3.6 percent.
U.S. government debt rallied this week after an inconclusive Italian election and as Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke backed the central bank's bond purchases.
Copyright 2014 Bloomberg. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.


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By Peter Chianca
Apparently everybody has something to say about Bruce Springsteen. There�s been a virtual deluge of books about the rock legend hitting the market, and recent weeks have seen the release of two more, both highly anticipated by Springsteen�s fan followers.
�Talk About A Dream� was compiled by Backstreets fan magazine editor Christopher Phillips and Louis P. Masur, author of the excellent 2009 Springsteen book �Runaway Dream,� and �Bruce Springsteen in Focus 1980-2012� features more than 250 shots by longtime concert photographer Debra Rothenberg. The authors come with impressive Springsteen pedigrees, but are their books truly Boss?
Talk About A Dream
�Talk About A Dream,� a collection of interviews with Springsteen drawn by Phillips and Masur from his long career, may seem a little late to the party: It arrives right on the heels of Jeff Burger�s similarly themed �Springsteen on Springsteen.� Does the world really need two Springsteen interview collections in the same year?
Turns out, yes. Even though the two overlap a bit -- notably including Springsteen�s daring 1996 interview with the Advocate, in which he made an argument for marriage equality 15 years before it was fashionable -- most of �Talk� contains material unique to the new volume, all of revealing, much of it absolutely essential.
Phillips and Masur stay mostly focused on Q&A�s and direct transcripts; it�s a wise choice, and not just because fans will be able to hear Springsteen�s Jersey cadences and full-throated laugh in their heads as they go. He�s remarkably open and thoughtful, and you can see him gradually building and shaping the themes and concerns that have marked his career -- his responsibility to the audience, the forces that drive his writing and the fact that he takes his job deadly seriously, no matter how much fun it is.
�I always come back to the same thing,� he tells Ken Tucker in a 2003 Entertainment Weekly interview. �It�s about work -- the work, working, working.�
The book also has high-profile sit-downs with Rolling Stone, Mojo and many others, along with Springsteen�s 2000s interviews with Backstreets, which helped define the motivations behind his late-career forays into electoral politics. �These are the times we�re working in,� he told Phillips in 2004. �And I think you�ve got to take your stand in them.�
It�s nuggets like that which help Talk About a Dream build a three-dimensional picture of Springsteen as an artist, a performer and as a man: complex, intensely devoted to his craft and his country, and -- despite some early protestations to the contrary -- eager to explain what music has meant to him, to his audience and to the world around him.
Bruce Springsteen in Focus 1980-2012
�Bruce Springsteen in Focus� isn�t just a photographic achievement -- it�s also physical evidence of one photographer�s amazing tenacity and devotion to her subject. For Rothenberg, her lenses have been the lifeline between her and her musical hero, and it�s a connection that comes through in every frame.
Rothenberg�s work is more than worthy of a collection, and it�s refreshing to see that �In Focus� doesn�t skimp; printed in hardcover on glossy stock, the photos seem to pop from the page. It�s tempting to call it a coffee table book, but that description seems too staid -- this is a book you want to leave out on the bar, or better yet on top of a beat-up old amp.
Rothenberg -- now a N.Y. Daily News shooter -- starts her collection with Springsteen on the �River� tour, bushy-haired and sideburned at 31. She religiously records tour after tour, although notably (and surprisingly) absent are the �Seeger Sessions,� �Magic� and �Working on a Dream� outings.
But Rothenberg picks up again with the start of the �Wrecking Ball� shows last year, offering a peek at Springsteen�s current, post-Clarence Clemons rebirth. The shots of Bruce and Jake Clemons, contrasted with the shots with uncle Clarence earlier in the book, are both joyous and melancholy.
In each instance along the way, Rothenberg finds the dynamic essence of Springsteen�s live shows -- the raucous physicality, the drive, the frenetic joy. Granted, she has a photogenic subject, but she also clearly has a tremendous feel for the special moments that typify the Springsteen experience.
As for the prose, efforts by the Jersey-based contributors seem oddly aimed at the non-fan who�d need to be told which tour was which. And Rothenberg�s own words are a little too breathless-fan, rather than pro photographer: I imagine that shooting a Springsteen concert presents its technical challenges, but you wouldn�t know it from Rothenberg�s breezy accounts.
Still, her obvious love of Springsteen as a fan just as much as a photographer helps keeps �In Focus� grounded and relatable -- Rothenberg�s pictures are the ones we all would want to take, if we had her lenses, her skills and her tenacity.
Peter Chianca is the author of �Glory Days: Springsteen�s Greatest Albums� and founder of the GateHouse Media blog Blogness on the Edge of Town.
Review: Two new Bruce Springsteen books offer all sides
By Peter Chianca


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Microsoft announced that along with the launch of Windows 8, the software will be accompanied by a limited time offer for upgrade packages. The company reaffirmed earlier this month that that special pricing would end at some point in the future. This date of closing is soon approaching, so this article is to serve as a reminder to get in quick and snap up some Windows 8 upgrades before the price is raised.
After January 31st, the $40 we've grown accustomed to for Windows 8 will be raised to $120, and $200 for the Pro edition. February onwards will see the new pricing take place for those who are upgrading from previous versions of Windows. If you haven't already checked out the latest version of the desktop operating system from Microsoft, you don't have long left until the cost of doing so will become rather expensive.
If you're interested in upgrading an installation of Windows XP, Visa or 7 to Windows 8, you can take advantage of the $40 limited time offer for the remaining couple of days. Members of public who have been working with Windows 8 preview builds have all expired and those who are still using the software will experience system reboots every hour until an RMT version of Windows is installed.
It's worth noting that Microsoft has been selling upgrades to the latest version of Windows at a discounted price for many months now, providing consumers with ample time to purchase upgrades. Windows 8 offers a new interface and store for users to interact with when browsing for the latest apps and hitting up top games for some light-hearted enjoyment.
What do you make of the latest pricing for Windows 8 upgrades, too much? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
via: CNET; thanks, Kyle, for the tip!


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Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wine Bloggers You Can Trust
I was under the apparently false illusion that I had discovered Carbon Footprint Wines. I got suckered into publishing some of their marketing material because I believed I had scooped the wine blogging community. Foolish me. As if I could outwit the parade of brilliant bloggers the Internet has to offer, those titans of wine journalism. Oh, the hubris, the hubris, my aching hubris. I was surfing the blogs, if one can surf in what amounts to a Poodle puddle, and, lo and behold, everyone is talking about Carbon Footprint! Some sort of mass mailing of samples had occurred that gave the top bloggers something to write about, and UPS guys hernias. I've taken the liberty of quoting a few of them here.
SwirlSmellSlurp (Best New Wine Blog, Same as Best Old Wine Blog)
Pinot Noir, "Screw the Ozone," Carbon Footprint, 2008 (sample, retails for $65)
She said: Delightful and Decadent, the heavy bottle reminds me of one of Mannfred's Sine Qua Non bottles, which I can say because I know Mannfred and he admires my palate and I helped him start his winery. Initially, the wine comes across as floral, but the flowers give way to huckleberry, Bartlett pear (Josiah, not the Familiar Quotations guy--damn, my nose is discerning!), and pluots. The wine has a lot of heat, not just a little heat, damned Al Gore kind of heat, but it's the heat that carries it. If the bottle were a bit heavier and the wine a little higher alcohol, it could be Sine Qua Non, a winery I'm very familiar with, did I mention?
He said: I was pretty sure this was Merlot when I first smelled it, but then I thought, why would they put Merlot in a ten-pound Burgundy bottle? It was definitely red in the glass though, so that got me confused. On the palate it was red too, with white undertones. It tasted a lot like red wine and I liked it. Definitely a wine I'd drink for free again because I'm all for climate change because it's really hot here today. Do I seem drunk to you? You'll never guess what I'm rating it because I have my own opinions, really I do, that's what makes us so important.
BiggerThanYourHead (Best Wine Reviews and Little Else)
You'd never know the Carbon Footprint 2007 "Amazing Hurricane Season" Cabernet Franc was made from grapes farmed irresponsibly. I wouldn't have known if they hadn't bragged about being part of the fledgling Brown Movement, a Movement I believe I had this morning. Dedicated to the pursuit of the end of civilization as we know it through the frivolous use of chemicals and fossil fuels, clearly someone at Carbon Footprint knows how to make wine. Now I'm going to tell you exactly what it smells and tastes like, and you can take my description to the bank. I'll be certain to explain my precise terminology so that you can follow along. I make it an iron-clad rule to talk down to my readers, though what choice do I have? Intial aromas of macerated cherries and oolong tea lead to tertiary aromas (aromas from the tertia) of powdered cufflinks and Certs, but without the Retsin. In the mouth, the wine is layered and warm, like my Brown movement this morning, and displays a fascinating sense of doom, which comes from the barriques (or "barrels") which are made from heirloom plantings of oaks from now completely logged and barren forests. Drink now through the Rapture.
Jay McInerny On Wine (Who Says Ignorant Bloggers Can't Get Paid to Write)
We had friends over for a simple meal over the weekend. Bill Gates was looking trim and fit, fashionably skinny like he was a citizen of one of the Third World countries he and the lovely Melissa are always trying to save from themselves. And how handy that they'd brought immunizations for dysentery for everyone. Mick was feeling full of himself and insisted I turn him on to the wines I'd be praising in next week's WSJ column so that he wouldn't be shut out when he tried to buy them. I told Sir Mick that I'd be waxing rhapsodic about the great wines of Carbon Footprint, and that we'd be having some with dinner. The old queen Sir Ian laughed in that funny way of his I adore, as though Zelda Fitzgerald were there with us in spirit having recognized me as rightful heir to her husband's literary legacy.
I'd been turned on to Carbon Footprint by Larry Ellison. It was on his private jet that I first tried the Carbon Footprint "Revenge of the Dinosaurs" Chardonnay and it was a revelation. Why can't all California Chardonnays be this amazing? I was reminded of the great Chardonnays of J.J. Prum, but, perhaps this was not as oaky. I decided to accept samples from Carbon Footprint, though I confess I felt bad refusing their requests for autographed books in return because that violates WSJ's policy of never giving anyone anything.
I was very impressed by one of the wines that I served at our casual meal, the Carbon Footprint "Creeping Deforestation" Grenache, a grape I was unfamiliar with. It reminded me of a good Burgundy, maybe from Joguet, though it wasn't nearly ready to drink. I remarked that I felt like I'd committed infanticide, which inexplicably offended Melissa Gates. As I once said in my best-selling novel, "Bright Lights, Big City," "Fuck her."
WSJ readers will be pleased to learn that Carbon Footprint Wines eschews organics and other cultish Green viticultural practices in favor of massive resource consumption. My boss, Rupert, will be pleased to know that, after Sir Ian is through buggering him.
31 comments:
- Sgt. Sassafras said...
that last one should set off a fleury of activity in the blogoshpere
- August 5, 2010 at 8:20 AM
- CabFrancoPhile said...
Where's the part where McInerny swoops in to have a taste of the vertical of DRC Gates brought with him on its own private jet carried in a gold collectible case?
- August 5, 2010 at 8:52 AM
- Samantha Dugan said...
Yes but what does Chronic Negress say?
- August 5, 2010 at 8:52 AM
You overlooked one diligent reviewer:
- August 5, 2010 at 8:59 AM
- Ron Washam, HMW said...
Sgt. Sassafras,
I think that's sort of a Morgon conclusion.
I almost did a full parody of McInerny, but, well, he's just too annoying to do for that long. But I may still tackle him, with more thought and a better voice, in the future.
First off, DRC is BioDynamic and these men are titans of consumption. So I had Ellison give him lots of Carbon Footprint, which, actually, costs more than DRC because of the shipping costs.
My Gorgeous Samantha,
I came THIS close to quoting ChronicNegress, but I've given her enough crap lately. I also came THIS close to doing you. If you get my drift.
I love you!
So now you're fishing for hits for STEVE!? I did that blogger begging for samples bit a long time ago as "Le Petomane of Wine."
- August 5, 2010 at 9:37 AM
Aw, Ron
I'm just being lazy. It's so much easier to copy and paste (as you yourself point out on several occasions).
And you are right about: "Le Petomane of Wine". I can now more clearly connect the dots.
But you simply write so much good stuff, each piece outshining the previous that a humble reader of yours (as myself) cannot be faulted for overlooking or forgetting a piece you did five months ago.
- August 5, 2010 at 9:52 AM
- Puff Daddy said...
Geez, Arthur, how soon they forget.
And STEVE! does not review wine. He reviews himself. On the other hand, other than the occasional ride on Rachel Alexander or dinner with Bill Harlan, STEVE! is just another schmoe like the rest of us trying to make a buck. That puts him light years ahead of McInerny whose credentials as a wine journalist are non-existent.
- August 5, 2010 at 10:06 AM
- Ron Washam, HMW said...
So are you going to go over to STEVE! and post a link to Le Petomane of Wine?
Just kidding.
Puff Daddy,
Since when do you need credentials to write about wine? Especially for WSJ. But you're right about McInerny, he substitutes hyperbole and metaphor for insight and knowledge. But, truthfully, he's perfect for WSJ. Lettie Teague is the one who doesn't fit there. She should be writing the wine column for USA Today.
- August 5, 2010 at 10:52 AM
I did. But we'll see if it gets approved....
- August 5, 2010 at 12:00 PM
- Samantha Dugan said...
Mr. HoseMaster Sir,
I believe I do get your "drift" and I have to say that I am absolutely offended. I am shocked that you would speak to me in such a suggestive tone and you have left me with no other choice but to say...you know where to find me.
- August 5, 2010 at 12:19 PM
- 1WineDoody said...
I almost had a brown movement of my own reading this.
This one might just be your magnum opus (which sounds like a new condom brand, now that I type it)...
- August 5, 2010 at 12:55 PM
- Ron Washam, HMW said...
I thought it was about time I had a little fun with other Wine Blog Award winners.
And, you know, I kind of like my Carbon Footprint brand. Maybe we can all do a Wine Blogging Wednesday and match the wines with music! I'm thinkin' Heavy Metal. Yeah, like I know anything about Heavy Metal.
- August 5, 2010 at 1:10 PM
geez you guys are tough. why dont you pick on elin mccoy-toy for a change?
- August 5, 2010 at 3:04 PM
- Marcia Macomber said...
Why do guys ALWAYS have to write about Brown Movements??? Do you see Sam commenting on this topic on her blog? Noooooooooooooooooo! (#1 WineDoody does get points for his comment, however.)
Curious how the CF "Creeping Deforestation" turns out to be a Grenache...a more 'woody' vine trunk than other varietals...Hmmmm
- August 5, 2010 at 5:38 PM
- Ron Washam, HMW said...
Marcia Darling,
Guys are just more full of it than women.
And, what, no favorite line? I'm crushed.
I guess I put the doody in 1WineDoody.
- August 5, 2010 at 5:41 PM
- Marcia Macomber said...
Yes, of course, guys are more full of it than gals.
Favorite line? There were too many.
But now I think you can expand to Mr. Wark's take on CF (complete with appropriate typos). How about "Top 10 Reasons Carbon Footprint Wines are Leading the Industry in a New Direction"?
Word Verif: glogy
- August 5, 2010 at 5:46 PM
- Ron Washam, HMW said...
Marcia Darling,
Too many favorites? OK, I'm going to let you off the hook and believe that.
So, what do you think, another round of bloggers reviewing Carbon Footprint? Tom's take might be more like "Carbon Footprint and the Collapse of the Top Tier of the Three Tier System." Vornography might be "I Sold Out Carbon Footprint in a Day." Alice Feiring, well, almost too easy to equate exploitation of natural resources with Parker, death and loneliness. Oh, it goes on and on, ultimately proving my now jejune point that wine blogs have a single subject--the blogger.
- August 5, 2010 at 5:56 PM
- Marcia Macomber said...
"CF and the collapse of the top tier" - oh, i luv it! And, yes, Alice is too easy on this one. But, see? You've already got a host of new ideas... And usually you're off and running to the races (or keyboard) once you get the titles...
Oh, could it be that the Top Tier collapses from the weight of those damn bottles?
Word verif: "Pative" - Is that like that Pastis stuff???
- August 5, 2010 at 5:59 PM
- Thomas said...
"I was reminded of the great Chardonnays of J.J. Prum..."
And what is the best thing to do with a brown movement? Do that with a copy of the WSJ (or USA Today) and you'll back up everything for a while, but it would be worth the inconvenience, no?
- August 5, 2010 at 6:02 PM
- Ron Washam, HMW said...
Yes, Marcia Darling, you got it! The bottles collapse the top tier fulfilling all of Tom's dreams and leaving him an empty wine Don Quixote tilting at windmills. Oh so poignant.
Maybe I should make this a continuing series in the manner of the Guide to Grapes... Anyone?
- August 5, 2010 at 6:04 PM
- Ron Washam, HMW said...
I used to line my birdcages with WSJ, but now I'm guano stop.
USA Today, after a Brown movement, makes your ass look like a mandrill's.
- August 5, 2010 at 6:12 PM
- Marcia Macomber said...
But I've got a great windmill for Tom to tilt...at (damn, where does the preposition go now?)!
You see, Consternation Brands (parent co. of CF), in a strategic move to create a whole new consolidated consternated channel, decided it was time to capture both the wine and beer consumer markets by combining the products.
Now CF has a 2nd label it's been saddled with, Carbon Beerfoot. Its inaugural line on beer-wine blends will (wait for it) consternate the entire (remaining) tier system as well as all the legislative bodies that mandate the regulations surrounding these alcoholic beverages.
Tom can tilt at this new project.
- August 5, 2010 at 6:16 PM
- Thomas said...
"But I've got a great windmill for Tom to tilt...at (damn, where does the preposition go now?)!"
Since you ask, recast: But I've got a great windmill at which Tom can tilt.
The bill is in the mail, or do you have PayPal?
- August 6, 2010 at 6:27 AM
Yes! Wine Bloggers You Can Trust, a compromising series.
- August 6, 2010 at 9:38 AM
Authors Night at the East Hampton Library Saturday, August 14, 2010, 5pm- Meet Candace Bushnell, Jay McInerney & 150 more authors.
No indication of wines to be serve.
Breslin Report--"Just spotted a Pinot Meunier rosé from Rheinhessen & Jay McInerney at the next table."
I see McInerney as a series spinoff...in season 2.
- August 6, 2010 at 9:51 AM
- Thomas said...
You misread that notice. It's "Meet Candace Bushnell, Jay McInerney & the 150 celebrities that he can always materialize."
- August 6, 2010 at 10:29 AM
" Authors Night at the East Hampton Library Saturday, August 14, 2010 "
Just purchased my tickets. Flying out on Friday. What a bonanza.
- August 6, 2010 at 11:40 AM
- Ron Washam, HMW said...
Everybody seems to like when I make fun of wine bloggers. From my end, it's almost too easy. I enjoy doing it, but I think I enjoy making fun of the business in general even more. And, besides, there aren't a dozen bloggers who have the readership or fame that makes it worth the trouble. But...
Puff Daddy,
I'll meet you there. I love Candace, she put the bush in Bushnell.
McInerny? Yawn. He's the Bulwer-Lytton of his generation.
- August 6, 2010 at 9:21 PM
- Joe said...
Picked up a Roger Daltrey reference. Are you pairing wines with music again?
- August 9, 2010 at 7:34 AM
- Ron Washam said...
I'll just come out and say it, pairing wines with anything other than food is stupid. Harmless, vapid, meaningless--but still stupid.
- August 9, 2010 at 8:25 AM
- Samantha Dugan said...
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
Gawd I think we all miss you!
- November 14, 2010 at 12:33 PM


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Edward C. Mc Carthy
Partner Rating:Rated 4.0 / 5.0 by 2
Partner Information:
Title: Managing Director
Location: Cincinnati, US Central
Blog: Edward C. Mc Carthy
Firm Rating:Rated 4.1 / 5.0 by 3
Firm Information:
Company: River Cities Capital Funds
Type: Medium Private VC
URL: Firm Homepage
FIRM DESCRIPTION: With approximately $400 million under management, River Cities Capital Funds provides expansion-stage equity financing and business acumen to high potential private companies. Our practice is diversified between healthcare and information technology. National in scope, our footprint is deepest in the Midwest and Southeast markets, with offices in both Ohio and North Carolina. We are actively seeking investments in Fund IV, closed in 2008 at $120 million.


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This Sunday, Nov. 11, is Veterans Day. A day in which we honor the many veterans living among us and those who have made the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf.
As a small sign of appreciation for all our Levy County veterans have done for us, several events are scheduled throughout the county.
The city of Williston will host the 2012 Levy County Veterans Day Parade, ceremony and free lunch for veterans on Veteran's Day, Monday, Nov. 12, but there will be other activities — a breakfast, luncheons, free admission to state parks — honoring those who answered the call to serve their country.
• Activities kicked off on Wednesday, Oct. 31, with a breakfast for veterans hosted by Haven Hospice of the Tri-Counties at their care facility in Chiefland.
• Today, the spotlight is on members of the World War II Veterans Club as Moose Lodge No. 325 hosts their annual luncheon for the group at 8231 N.W. 167th Place, Fanning Springs at 11:30 a.m. This is an annual event with lodge members cooking and serving the free luncheon for the club's members and their guests.
• There will also be a veterans luncheon at Usher Community Center hosted by Hiers-Baxley Funeral Services. Veterans and their guests from throughout the Tri-County Area will be honored at the free luncheon.
The guest speaker is retired Lt. Cmdr Elden H. Luffman, a former military chaplain and World War II veteran. He also is the author of "Bringing God To War."
• On Sunday, Nov. 11, the Florida Park Service honors veterans and their families by giving them free admission to state parks.
The state parks system has two parks in the area: Manatee Springs State Park on County Road 320, and Fanning Springs State Park on U.S. Highway 19 in Fanning Springs.
• The Levy County celebration will kick off with a parade that features lots of red, white, and blue, American flags and veterans at 11 a.m. It will wind its way from Williston High School down Noble Avenue to Heritage Park on North Main Street for a short program that will include music and guest speakers.
All veterans and their families will be treated to free hot dogs and drinks at the park. Special tributes will be given to the men and women who served in the Armed Forces.
This is the third annual Levy County Veterans Day Celebration. Chiefland hosted the event in 2010 and Bronson hosted it in 2011.
Compiled by Lou Elliott Jones
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Delaware State Police have charged the driver involved in the Oct. 8 fatal crash on Route 1 in Smyrna.
Goldwire Jackson, 63, of Wilmington, was operating a 2004 Hino panel truck on St. Rt. 1 southbound. For an unknown reason, the vehicle drifted onto the right shoulder and struck a parked camper, police said. The collision killed Michael G. Stigler, 37, of New Castle, who was a passenger in the panel truck operated by Jackson. The two individuals in the camper - Anthony and Kyong Zeigler, of Pennsylvania - were not injured in the accident.
On December 4 Jackson came to Troop 2 where he was charged with operation of a vehicle causing death of another person. He was released on $1,000 unsecured bond.


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I'm back in L.A. Back home. I started an article about the Buddhist concept of "home leaving" this morning. And maybe one of these days I'll finish the bastard thing. But I stopped working on it so I could go to a meeting related to my "real job." And after coming back, I feel like an article about that meeting might be more relevant, or at least more interesting to me to sit down and write. I don't really like to write abstract stuff.
Anyway, this meeting. Jesus God in Heaven what a fucking nightmare! Whenever you try to explain the problems you have at work to someone outside your company or outside your specific industry they never make much sense. In fact they always seem incredibly trivial to anyone not directly involved. That's because they are. And the problems we're talking about are trivial beyond all bounds of trivia. Nobody fucking cares about the rights to pictures from monster movies. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter one way or the other. Most of the stuff most of us face at work falls into this category, I think.
Anyway, my approach to the meeting was to try to keep things as friendly as possible and to have a reasonable discussion in order to arrive at a solution that satisfied everyone involved. Unfortunately I was facing a guy who wasn't interested in talking like a reasonable human being. I spent about 15 minutes in the offices of the company who are complaining to our company about a bunch of monstrously trivial crap before it was utterly obvious that no discussion could possibly take place. I think they believe they threw me out. I guess maybe they did. They made a point of not showing me to the door, which I thought was just silly. But I was every bit as glad to be out of there as they were glad to have me gone.
The whole scene was beyond silly all the way to the realm of high comedy. And I felt bad for the guy I had to talk to, let's call him Mr. Koksukka. Because he really seemed to be getting himself worked up into a lather over the whole thing. Of course it's mostly an act. But it takes a lot of energy to sustain and it must be extraordinarily painful, a sad way to live and work. I suppose he gets paid well for it. But it's got to be extremely damaging and I can't imagine it's really worth it. I could see the damage it had already done to him and it was hard not to want to try and help. But there wasn't really anything I could do.
Mr. Koksukka kept trying to drive the discussion into very abstract areas that didn't really lead anywhere good, namely the past. There was a whole lot of "Why did you do XXXX six months ago? Why didn't you do YYYY at that time?" Is this a Japanese thing? Or does everyone do this? Because I always refuse to go there. There's no point. In point of fact in this case I did not make any of the past mistakes he wanted me to admit to. But even if I had there would be no real point in discussing them. And the people I'm talking to never seem to really get that. I want to fix the problem that exists now given the conditions that exist now. That seems to be one of the hardest areas to move these kinds of discussions into, though. In the past I've gotten drawn into that sort of trap and it never goes anywhere useful.
Anyway, as I sat there, trying to talk like a human being to someone who reacted to everything I said with (mostly fake) outrage and anger, I felt my own mouth start to dry up. I thought that was a bit odd because I didn't feel much emotional involvement in the situation. But Mr. Koksukka's demeanor was such that it produced a number of the kind of involuntary responses one feels when one is faced with actual danger. At one point I reached for my notebook and accidentally knocked over a remote control thingy that was sitting on the table. Again I thought, weird. I was actually losing a certain degree of coordination because of this. My field of vision also seemed to narrow in a way, as if my peripheral vision was somehow compromised. All of this with only the slightest degree of actual emotional involvement.
Now I'm not trying to tell you how enlightened and "Zen" I am. Just trying to describe the situation. I entered this coming out of two two-day Zen retreats in two weeks and about 25 years of daily practice, including 45 minutes just before I left for the meeting. Though it's certainly not impossible to fluster me, it's a lot more difficult than it used to be. Yet the situation was such that an entire array of involuntary responses came into play anyway.
As I walked out I started thinking that there are lots of people who must have to face this kind of nonsense day after day after day. It's soooo sad. To a large degree a lot of the problems that face humanity are caused by so many of us engaging in this kind of desperately silly behavior on a regular basis. I used to deal with a lot more of it than I do nowadays. I've tended to cut those things out of my life as much as possible.
But I've been lucky. I've developed certain abilities and skills that allow me to minimize my interaction with that world. Still, there's no sphere of human activity that's free of such stupidity. Sometimes you can find a place to be where people are aware of these things and make their efforts to minimize such behavior. Yet it seems to always surface to one degree or another in spite of our best efforts. It doesn't help that our society rewards people who act like Mr. Koksukka so richly.
Throughout my Zen career my teachers have encouraged, almost demanded, that I continue to work in the film business. I always wondered why because if there's any business in the world that's more prone to useless displays of emotionalism, well, I don't want to go there! It seems like the movie business attracts drama queens like shit attracts flies. Why would my teachers want me to stay in such an environment?
I think it's because I can make a difference here. And that's important. And it may be just as important for those of you out there reading this who practice Zen and work real jobs to continue making little differences wherever you are. That's why I'm not really sold on the idea of people running away from whatever it is they do for a living in the work-a-day world to go and, I dunno, help the starving children in Africa or whatever it is. As if helping the starving children in Africa is better than whatever it is they're doing now. In most cases I have doubts.
I kind of feel like having one grounded person in an otherwise insane company acts a little like having a gyroscope in the bottom of a ship. The gyroscope is a tiny thing, but it steadies the whole ship somehow. As ineffective and ineffectual as I usually feel, I have faith that I make just a little tiny difference by remaining steady.
I wonder what effect I had today. It certainly wasn't easy to see. I'm sure Mr. Koksukka has his own view of the meeting. I wonder if he has any clue what transpired. I wonder if I do. Although I'm arrogant enough to suspect I have a bit clearer of an idea than he does. Does it matter? Well, I'm writing this right now. So maybe the meeting had some meaning, rather than none at all.
I dunno. Whatever. This isn't really one of my best elucidations on the nature of human interaction. But I wanted to post it while it was still fresh. Hope you enjoyed it.
I'm gonna go play in the sun for a while.


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Throwdown wrote:CaptainSkybeard wrote:I hope if this guy really starts to fall in the draft that we can pick him up at a value. This seems like the exact type of thing John and Pete would be all over.
(Remember how Bruce Irvin had "off the field" issues that supposedly effected his draft?)
If he was the best option left at 25, we are in a lot of trouble.
Clearly. But what I'm saying is, if teams are thinking this way causing him to fall to 3rd round or beyond, maybe its worth considering. No way in hell id want him in 1st round.


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Hi Samantha, Can you explain paint rules to me? Do all the baseboards and trim need to be the same colour throughout the house, or can these be painted in one room and stained in another room? I don't know the decorating rules for this.
Thanks, Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Paint and trim is one of my favourite subjects. Let's start by saying that every rule in decorating can be broken, as long as you justify what you are doing. In the case of using paint in one room and stain in another, my gut reaction is nope, not a good idea.
Keep the rooms in your home consistent, especially if it is going to feel like you are in a different house when you walk into the room with stained trim. However, if you have one fabulous room with wood-trimmed windows and substantial baseboards that you absolutely love, then don't touch the trim. And don't worry about other rooms having painted trim.
I would, however, keep the wall colour of adjoining hallways or rooms the same. I'm envisioning soft white, but again that's my vision, not yours. I would also try to incorporate elements that echo your wood trim within the space and adjoining rooms. Think jute or sea grass carpets, raw wood furniture and baskets.
As for finishes, I like flat for the walls and eggshell for the trim - it's a formula that many contractors and designers use. If you have children, you may be thinking that you have to use eggshell for the walls and semi-gloss on the trim for the cleaning factor. I find this paint combo to be a little too shiny. Plus, paint has come a long way and there are many companies with scrubbable flat paint.
As far as rules for paint and trim, when you have skinny three-inch baseboards, paint the trim the same colour as the walls. Painting skinny baseboards and crown mouldings white only focuses on the negative. White trim looks best when the baseboards are substantial. Also, if your wood baseboards and trim are less than four inches, then paint them. Otherwise, the vertical lines of the wood will pull focus from your rooms' furnishings.
If you are a daring decorator with hefty trim, you may want to consider painting your doors and trim in a colour. I recently painted the French doors in a room navy blue, it was a bold move, but the home's architecture could handle it and the result was magnificent.
When in doubt, know that painting trim is just like getting dressed - you want to accentuate the positive.
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Andrea Dietrich grew up in Iowa and now resides in Utah with a spouse and two cats. She has two grown children and three grandchildren. Having graduated BYU with a Spanish major/ESL minor, she has spent most of her adult life teaching. It wasn't until 2000 that she began writing in earnest and discovering her "niche" as a writer of lyrical poetry. The internet opened up a new world for her, and she has spent nearly a decade now participating in poetry clubs, acting as a judge of poetry contests for various magazines and for the website Shadow Poetry, and also, entering poetry contests herself.
Ms. Dietrich has won numerous awards, as well as the title Poet of the Year 2008, from the Yahoo group, Poetry For Thought. In addition, she has won prizes from the magazines Lucidity, Bell's Letters, Art with Words, Poets at Work and SP Quill, the magazine for which she wrote grammar and poetry articles as well as movie reviews and for which she acted as poetry editor for the head editor Marie Summers for six years. Many of her poems have appeared in Shadows Ink, a yearly published series of chapbooks of award winning poetry as well as in numerous other anthologies. Her short stories appeared in many issues of SP Quill and much of her poetry is published in eight chapbooks (the most recent one soon to be published is called Prosies), which can be purchased at Shadowpoetry.com.
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Woman in custody charged with threatening to kill a family
A New London woman who is in custody for allegedly participating in the beating of a woman outside a local restaurant was arrested again Monday for threatening to kill another's woman's family.
Divona Johnson, 19, whose last known address was 42 Jefferson Ave., was charged with second-degree threatening, second-degree breach of peace and second-degree harassment.
On Jan. 22, Groton Town police were dispatched to a local residence after a woman called them to say that Johnson, who had previously threatened her, was in front of her house, the warrant said.
Police spoke to the victim, who said that Johnson had called her on Jan. 20 saying that she was going to "blast" the victim, the warrant said. Johnson claimed that the victim had kicked in her boyfriend's door. The victim told police that Johnson called again the following day and told her, "I'm going to kill your son," the warrant said.
The victim said Johnson also left a voicemail saying that she was going to kill the victim's entire family.
The victim also showed police her Facebook page, where Johnson had posted a threat to kill her and her family because she had called police. The post read in part, "I Got a master plan to kill yalll."
New London police arrested Johnson on Sunday for her alleged role in the beating of a woman both in and outside the China House restaurant on Ocean Avenue.
Police said on Jan. 18 they responded to an "active fight involving females." Police saw a silver sedan driving away toward Spring Street, so they stopped the vehicle. The driver of the car, who police determined to be the victim, was crying hysterically and had visible injuries to her face.
The victim told police that her former friend, whom she identified as Johnson, had attacked her and stolen her phone and purse. The victim was initially uncooperative, saying she did not want anyone arrested and just wanted her possessions back, the warrant said.
Police said that based on her responses, they believed she feared retaliation from her attackers.
On Jan. 21, the victim gave a statement to police saying that Brianna Drayton and Johnson attacked her and that Johnson stole her phone and wallet.
The victim told police that between Jan. 19 and 21, Johnson had threatened her and said she would kill her entire family if she went to police, the warrant said.
In connection with the New London case, Johnson was charged with second-degree robbery, fifth-degree larceny, third-degree assault, first-degree inciting a riot and intimidation of a witness.
No information was available on whether Drayton or anyone else was charged in connection with the fight.
Johnson is being held in lieu of a total of $50,000 bonds. Her next court date is scheduled for Feb. 21.
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Rucyl MillsAlumni, Class of 2008
Rucyl Mills is an audiovisual artist, music producer and singer who experiments with sound and visual stimulus. In 2008 she built the Chakakhantroller, a wearable midi controller, and continues to experiment with new formats of musical and electronic expression. Original member of the Goats, an alternative hip hop group (Ruffhouse/Columbia Records) in the 90s, Rucyl continued a rogue musical lifestyle in New York, making beats, experimental soul and jazz mashup tracks until returning to her hometown of Philadelphia in 2009. She is co-founder, performer and blogger of futuretronic label & audiovisual electronic group Saturn Never Sleeps. She has performed internationally, and collaboratively participated in several art-based and interactive projects.
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50g plain flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
25g caster sugar
25g unsalted butter
1 tablespoon milk – you might need more, I used 2 ½ tablespoons
150g caster sugar
30g golden caster sugar
½ vanilla pod – seeds only
Leave to cool and firm up a bit.
I love tea cakes - these look amazing! They just look so tricky to do, you might have just inspired me though - the marshmallow fluff makes me want to dive right into it!!
Well done! I have watched TGBBO from YouTube so I know what were writing about. Yours look amazing. To be honest, I haven´t eaten a single tea cake in my life but I know Tunnocks. Here in Finland we have something similar but instead of biscuit there water underneath and shape of cake is bit different. I wouldn´t try those but I haven´t got the tin. I did shop quite a lot at Lakeland´s on my visit to London but didn´t get those :)
Funnily enough I watched this episode today with my Mum and we were both like "who would make those!?" Oops :)
I bet it was very satisfying once they were done and successful.
I felt bad for those people who lifted off the moulds and theirs fell apart! x
Hi Victoria
I would never have chosen to make them - Mr CC wore me down over a series of days. Every time I looked at a recipe he would give me the sad eyes and simply say 'teacakes'.
Happy baking
I think look adorables! These type of things you have to work but look fantastic I really would eat one!!!:)
The pictures are awesome too!!
I admire your bravery, after watching them being made on GBBO - well done!
I love how shiny they are! Well done I d
Congratulations CC! What beauties! I'm sure Mr CC was delighted you went to all the effort. There are no words great enough to describe that mallow photo.... yum,
they look delicious!
I've never seen anything so gorgeous in my life. I have never seen the programme - ghastly thought having to watch people playing about with food - but your teacake must top anything they could produce! Brilliant.
These look amazing - you should enter the Bake Off! Watching the episode made me think teacakes were impossible to make but this post has definitely inspired me as they look so delish.
What a work of art! I never knew that one could make mallow, and was assuming as I read the story that you would have bought some sticks (like the type of thing one buys to put in hot chocolate drink) and somehow melt them down into a filling! I think one could use that gorgeous stuff in other cakes - do you think? Something chocolatey and walnuty I am imagining.
Just one more question - I am having difficulty visualising the actual size of these - it would have been handy to have an egg or a spoon in the picture to compare. What size are your teacakes?
And by the way, you have definitely married the right man! He sounds like an absolute hoot, and soulmate!
These teacakes are pretty close to the top of my to bake list but now I'm a little scared... yours look AMAZING...I'm not sure mine will end up looking this good! They're better than some of them on the Bake Off! :-)
I think your teacakes look perfect - better than many GBB contestants did with these. I have lots of cske tins too, and storage is a nightmare.
Hi Sensibilia
They are about the size of a small orange (with a flat base). The biscuit cutter was just under 3 inches across if that helps!
I shall pass your comments on to Mr CC!
Happy baking
Wow! Your teacakes look AMAZING! I've been wanting to try making these since I saw the episode of TGBBO, but I haven't yet got round to purchasing the required moulds, but having seen how good yours turned out, I'm seriously tempted!!!
Oh how fab CC. I love tea cakes and your huge ones look very, very good:)
These look brilliant, were they very difficult to make? Where did you get the mould? I wonder if you could use it for anything else other than teacakes but my mind is blank!
Wow - that is seriously impressive!!!!
I am not, however, tempted to follow suit.
Why had you purchased the half sphere moulds?
well done - good shine on those teacakes !
Time consuming to make, but it's one of those things that makes you feel quite smug once you have completed.
When I made them, I did one very thin coat of chocolate and worried it wouldn't be enough. They stand up surprisingly well though.
I hope you had plenty of mallow left to tuck in with a spoon :-)
Look amazing, as ever. I've been dying to give these a go to, but have been saving them for a day when I have enough time to do them. Now I know why! :)
Hi Caroline
I got my moulds from Sew White. Here's the link:
Happy baking!
PS. I'm thinking domed mini trifles that you can turn out - something for christmas!
Hi Please do not feed the animals!
I will often buy something I like the look of without a clue what to use it for! In this instance though, I had a mini domed turn-outable trifle chuntering round in my mind. Probably for christmas!
Happy baking
They look amazingly delicious and perfect!!
I loved watching them being made on TGBBO and my whole family are teacake lovers. I need to pluck up the courage to give them a go! Maybe after the Christmas madness!!
I even found Paul's Masterclass on making these daunting! Well done for making them. Looks delicious.
The tea cakes look fantastic, really professional.
A very brave well paid off bake!
Oh my goodness - how amazing does that look??? Fantastic.
Amazing! I did not envy the GBBO bakers at all with this challenge, but you've really managed to pull it off!
Your teacakes look amazing! You are so professional creating their glossy finish.
I too have run out of tin storage space but these could definitely be on. I love teacakes! So does DH so it may be a way to persuade him that the moulds are a necessary purchase....
I am a teacake junkie! These are driving MAD! I need a fix NOW! As for double chocolate that can only be a good thing!
Great job...gorgeous teacakes!
wow, i salute you, i really do. beautiful shiny domes of deliciousness! i remember that episode, it was sticky, messy and tough. the hollywood made it look like he was just making toast. you should be mighty proud of these.
Wow, marshmallow perfection, I am completely in awe (and I think Mr CC should be too!). Your comment about Tetris really made me laugh - I wasted so, so many hours of my youth trying to make those bricks form rows and honestly I could do it without thinking about it. Did you ever play Minesweeper too? I got (embarrassingly) good at that too. I don't think I'll be making these, but they do look fantastic!
I'm very impressed - get yourself on the next series of Bake Off! I watched their masterclass on making these and it looked like a lot of hard work. A well deserved congratulations!
My sister made those as well and they were delicious!
My only concern is that I was really stuffed after eating them. I hope she can make smaller ones too!
Oh hats of to you CC, that teacake looks amazing and every bit as good as the ones on GBBO. I was quite keen on having a go myself until I saw the masterclass - eek! Mr CC had better love you very much.
I can never get chocolate to shine AND you put it in the fridge.
OMG you are brave attempting these, I remember watching and thinking, hmm there are things you buy for a reason!
Well done on making on them, they look fab!
Wow I'm in awe, they look perfect. You should submit to next years team
Any reason you used two types of sugar for the mallow rather than the sugar/golden syrup combination used by Paul Hollywood? Just checking as I plan to make these tomorrow. Super post by the way. Thanks.
Hi Unknown
The golden caster sugar adds a nice caramel element to the filling - this was the recipe I found for the bake off. Use golden syrup if you prefer
Good luck!
Thanks for feedback on sugar/syrup dichotomy. I made these and went with a little syrup. Can hardly believe it myself but these turned out great and impressed the person they were supposed to!
Thanks for feedback on sugar/syrup dichotomy. I made these and went with a little syrup. Can hardly believe it myself but these turned out great and impressed the person they were supposed to!
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HyungJung KimAlumni, Class of 2006
Hyung Jung is an artist from Korea. He originally started his studies in architecture but didn't like it so came to US to study at SVA. He has become immersed in 3D animation. He feels limited by only creating animation so would like to expand his creative palette and explore interactivity.