text:
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Comics 989-990: Frozen Humor
[Comic title: Cryogenics; Alt text: 'Welcome to the future! Nothing's changed.' was the slogan of my astonishingly short-lived tech startup.]
So basically this comic betrays Randall's true nature--that is to say, the fact that he is not an engineer but a passive consumer of goods, but he still thinks of himself as an engineer.
Engineers are, of course, the people who are working to produce new things--something Randall hasn't done in a very long time. The idea of an actual engineer, someone who is actually working with technology, deciding to go "eh, I'll just wait thirty years for the tech to become interesting," is kind of implausible. Why would you not want to be a part of that leading edge of innovation? Why would you want to just skirt along on its coattails? Certainly, we want to live in the future we're creating for ourselves, but to be a human, to be a creator, an innovator, is to want to be a part of that creation, however small.
Randall has, apparently, lost this. This isn't surprising, of course. I've mentioned that Randall is a creature who sedately consumes in the review for comic 662. But what is surprising is that he still considers himself an innovator although he is patently not one, and that he seems to believe that all other innovators are like him.
Everyone who is excited about the future, he suggests, would rather skip all the boring bits of "invention" and "design" and "innovation," and instead just want to live in the world where all that shit is done for us!
It makes me truly, profoundly sad to think that there are people out there capable of making this comic.
[Comic title: Plastic Bags; alt text: The high I feel when I actually remember to bring my reusable bags to the store--and take them inside rather than leaving them in the parked car--can last for days.]
So, for some reason Randy is writing a comic about how he (a) doesn't ever remember to bring a reusable shopping bag (b) doesn't like how many bags the people at the grocery store use to bag his order. Okay!
Maybe it's because I have a giant messenger bag that I use for all my shopping, but I do not understand in the slightest why this is a comic. Maybe someone else can enlighten me.
209 comments:
- SilverSurferDecember 14, 2011 at 1:33 AM
The point was that each bagging situation was supposed to get more and more ridiculous and funny. Except items in bags is incredibly boring and not funny.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 1:39 AM
rob rob robReplyDelete
i knew you would not get this comic
i knew it was too avant-garde for you
the bags are SCROTUMS, right
why else would all the items be ball shaped
but they are only balls in the metaphorical sense, in actuality, in the bags, are cartons of milk
so instead of producing sperm, right, he wants his balls to
also he has testicular cancer
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 1:53 AM
The bags one is funny because sometimes people intend to bring reusable bags but keep forgetting so it's very relatable and that's the same thing as funny. Look at this comedy song for instance.ReplyDelete
See? It's very funny indeed.
- weaselsoupDecember 14, 2011 at 2:45 AM
I don't really understand the competition. Is it a different checkout person saying 'here you go' each time? basically the competition as the 'comic' describes it was 'let's see who can use the most bags'. so here the first person to try was so hopeless at using the most bags that they used only one? and then the second person was like, 'I can use the most bags better than you!' but still failed to understand what most meant? Even the second to last ten-bag person didn't really understand 'most' did they, I mean, you could use 20 bags per fruit* or 50 or whatever, to make sure you won the competition. So perhaps the 'fact' is 'fun' because it is some kind of comedy of the absurd or something? or is it 'fun' because any average three year old could come up with a better chunk of text to explain the premise of this 'comic'. I mean maybe there is some kind of maths thing going on with arranging the fruits* by size but it's not explained, so that is a generous interpretation i think. Otherwise we have to assume that typing this post has taken me longer than 'drawing' this 'comic' took.ReplyDelete
*I am choosing to imagine here that the shopping is one large melon, a grapefruit, and three things that are most likely oranges, or some form of orange for example satsumas (by the end they have got quite small) otherwise them just being round blobs would not make sense and it would just look like someone unbelievably lazy couldn't even arse themselves to try to draw tin cans or boxes or anything that looked like shopping at all.
Items in bags GENERALLY is boring, but not necessarily so! For example, if you draw plastic bags as boring little square U-shaped things, and items as boring stupid little circles, things get very exciting! You can IMAGINE all the incredible things that those circles could be! You can visualise, like, IN YOUR HEAD, the actual plastic bags! In other words, YOU CAN DO RANDALL'S JOB FOR HIM!ReplyDelete
- weaselsoupDecember 14, 2011 at 3:58 AM
also the hair thing bothers me more each time. I used to not care so much, i mean I thought it was awful but it didn't actively creep me out, but now it really does. Stick figures, OK, if you insist. Stick figures that you occasionally add clothes to, implying that the rest of the time they're naked - it's awful, but it's your drawing. But a head with hair and no face is just deeply wrong and disturbing and wrong. Either they have features or they don't. Doing something in the middle makes it look like something a serial killer would draw in art therapy to explain what the voices in his head told him about women. I'm not saying Mr Munroe is a dangerous lunatic but I would really urge him to reconsider his 'style'.ReplyDelete
This is a well-known result in higher non-humanities math for scientists.ReplyDelete
Megan's Theorem: For all X,K,C,D, it takes longer for me to write this than it took to both write and draw x, k, c and d.
Randall's Postulate: But not the tooltip
To prove Megan's Theorem, assume the contrary: believe xkcd is a great comic that takes a fair amount of research and work to accomplish. Buy merchandise. Debate and defend xkcd on blogs and forums. After enough of that, how do you feel? Right. QED Megan's Theorem is proved by contradiction.
- GanzlerDecember 14, 2011 at 4:27 AM
what is this baggotryReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 4:35 AM
Wait- a timely update from Rob?!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 4:58 AM
Someone with moderate artistic ability needs to sketch a political cartoon of Randy suckling on Megan's cancerous breast, the breast labelled "austerity" and Randy "banking system".ReplyDelete
rob you prescriptivist fool that's exactly what my grocery store baggers do oh wait there are no such things anymore and everyone bags their own groceries what kind of rich-ass stores does randle shop at anywayReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 5:48 AM
now now, on a couple of occasions the retards at the checkout have attempted to bag my stuff for me. it typically results in them putting a loaf of bread in first, then something breakable like eggs, and then trying to shove in 2 bottles of coke on top - followed shortly by me saying something to the effect of 'no, i wont be paying for that. i'll go get some things you havnt destroyed, and then maybe pay you.' - and them looking confused and hurt.ReplyDelete
I dunno, I visited this really big store the other day and they had some kind of bagging device at checkout and the cashier managed to pack my measly purchase in up to 5 different bags, which I then repacked into 3. This all was a new thing to me, because generally in this country we're supposed to bag things ourselves.ReplyDelete
Then today I see this comic on xkcdsucks. I don't know if I should be revulsed by the dreaded GOOMH happening to me, or just chalk it up as an unfortunate coincidence.
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 6:45 AM
Avoid checkout counters. My grocer offers free shipping.ReplyDelete
I shall now become wider than my home's portals can adequately provide egress. Perhaps even rivaling Rob's own immensity.
5 white circles in 5 bags. how zanyReplyDelete
The massive white gap above the panels in 990 bothers me for some reason. Surely there could have been a more visually appealing and efficient way to present this 'information' than a massive, clumsy block of text above the comic proper?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 7:41 AM
Nope, I can't suspend my disbelief here. Randall goes shopping for what appear to be groceries? No way. Grocery shopping is a waste of time (951), money (980), and food (854).ReplyDelete
It's 10 bags idiot, they double bagged everything, fucking faggot. FUCK YOU, YOU NAZI LOVING FACIST!
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 8:12 AM
I hate my family.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 8:52 AM
The reason that is not funny is because once again Randall has taken an imagined grievance which he thinks happens to other people all the time (it doesn't), and then tries to extrapolate to the point of ridiculousness to acheieve humour. A tried and true method, for sure, but 1) this is not a thing anyone else in the world has noticed, and 2) nobody would give even a single shit about it if it was.ReplyDelete
Maybe this is GOOMH-bait for people with severe mental illness.
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 8:58 AM
The premise of the bagging one is just stupid. If you notice a cashier using a lot of bags it's not because their goal is to waste a ton, or because they're incompetent (which I think is the underlying suggestion of the comic), but because the plastic bags that stores use nowadays are completely shit. Any large rectangular item (of which there are none in the comic, which is odd because most things you buy are in boxes and not just round things rolling around) is quite likely to break through the bag with its corners. So the cashier is just trying to avoid the situation where the bag breaks on you in the parking lot and your stuff falls everywhere. But yeah, make a comic mocking them, why not.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 9:38 AM
I work at a grocery store and the new comic made me rage. If I put a wine bottle in one of our bags, it's liable to rip in the parking lot. That's one fucking bottle.ReplyDelete
Then you have the people who think they know everything about bagging, and bitch and scream if you put two different meats together, or if you put "too much" in a bag despite it being an arbitrary definition of "too much" so it's better to use too many bags than have some bitch yell at you.
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 9:39 AM
8:58 = bagboy for WalmartReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 9:48 AM
9:39, Cashier at Foodlion actually. When you're accused of "disrespecting" someone's groceries because you hastily put some bread on top of some eggs because there's a huge line and you don't have a bagger, you tend to think shoppers are mentally handicapped.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 9:54 AM
It's not a good comic, but I'm surprised nobody else has the same sort of experiences. When I drop by the supermarket and just buy a bottle of milk, a large bottle which has an inbuilt handle for easy carrying, they put it in a bag. They are obsessed with the use of bags. They give me strange looks when you tell them you don't need so many bags because I'm only carrying them to my car. I don't like it.ReplyDelete
One time I bought two packets of pasta, and had the foresight to say "I don't need a bag, thanks." The guy put them in a bag anyway. I asked him what he was doing. He said, "it's alright, you can have a bag. You have two items, it's not fair." I didn't protest because I was so infuriated with his illogical disobedience that any protest I aired would have involved punching the fuckwit in the face.
Then there are the people who make a big deal of your not using plastic bags, as though you are a paragon of ethical existence just because you don't like unnecessary waste. It should be common practice, it isn't any more difficult, but no. People have to make you seem like you're being special. Randall wouldn't mock this particular experience because he's probably a smug bastard about it (see the comic about recycling).
What's really annoying is when you pay in cash and they neatly stack your hard change on top of the receipt on top of your bills. Then you have to fish the receipt out of there and throw it in the bag and then put your change away.ReplyDelete
That would still be a horribly boring comic, though.
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 10:17 AM
One time I bought two packets of pasta, and had the foresight to say "I don't need a bag, thanks." The guy put them in a bag anyway. I asked him what he was doing. He said, "it's alright, you can have a bag. You have two items, it's not fair." I didn't protest because I was so infuriated with his illogical disobedience that any protest I aired would have involved punching the fuckwit in the face.ReplyDelete
9:54, how exactly do you manage in day-to-day life? Are you a princess IRL or do you just play one online?
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 10:31 AM
I don't forget my reusable shopping bags. It only takes once or twice having to go back to the car and get them before you remember to bring them.ReplyDelete
Randall is the kind of lazy fuck that doesn't just go back out and get the bags.
Buying reusable bags is severely retarded as well.
Cllect the plastic bags, press several layers of them between wax paper, then apply a medium temperature iron. Presto: stronger reusable shopping bags.
Now, if you want larger bags, or because you were too moronic to figure out how to arrange for the bags not to seal up when you ironed them: Cut them into long strips and weave a larger plastic bag.
Reusing is greener than recycling.
- weaselsoupDecember 14, 2011 at 10:33 AM
They don't have people to put your stuff in bags at supermarkets here. you have to do it yourself. which is good because it avoids all the imaginary problems described in this xkcd. Whether or not the competition is a real thing, it's so massively fucking stupid that the shopper is surprised every single time at what has happened to his fruit.ReplyDelete
what was he doing while all these bags were being wilfully packed and unpacked and repacked? Focusing his attention on higher thoughts? Or perhaps he was struck temporarily mute. or forgot the English language words for 'I don't need those bags thanks anyway' or 'no last time I protested that there were too many bags already so the fact that you would add more means you must be deliberately treating this like some kind of fucking Beckett play where half of us pretend it's opposite day or some other such fucked up ridiculousness'.
this could have been avoided if he could have been arsed to make the fruits into boxes or cylinders or whatever so each panel was different so we would decide it was subsequent visits to the shop. and if he cut the idiotic competition thing. it would still be fucking inane but it might at least feel like someone semi-human had authored it.
the fact that I have now posted so much stuff about this one pointless little comic distresses me. I mean, the Money one is ten thousand little squares worse than this, partly because the idea that someone could spend all that time simply listing the prices of things and be lauded as some kind of super economic genius instead of someone who literally just listed the prices of some things is fundamentally depressing and makes me despair of the human race, and partly because the 'There. I showed you it' phrase is SO REPELLENTLY FUCKING SMUG it makes me want to buy the giant sized poster just so I can roll it up and shove it down the throat of the person that wrote it.
and yet somehow here I am, ranting about this piece of lazy shite instead.
- That's what sheDecember 14, 2011 at 10:35 AM
Going "green" is for leftfags. Just throw that shit in the lake. The fish will know what to do with it.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 10:38 AM
Sure, freeze all the engineers... They'll all be dead, or woken up -- No one would be left who's competent enough to maintain the cryostasis systems.ReplyDelete
That, or a prosperous enlightenment period occurs due to all the patent holding asswipes being unable to assert bogus claims and thus inhibit progress.
They'll awake to find themselves the only suckers still on Earth, and in debt for the rest of their days to repay the kind coal and nuclear energy companies for 30 years of services +hikes (being their only remaining customers).
9:38 = 9:39 = 9:48 = samebag.ReplyDelete
Also, cptnoremac, GOOMH! This happens to me all the time, and we don't even live in the same country (apparently). I never got vocal about that, and I never realised that I shared that pet peeve with someone.
As for the bags thing, I hardly ever had any bother with that. The only times I got somewhat upset are when they put a whole load of stuff in a single bag, because then it becomes a REAL inconvenience. I got to the store by foot, and having the constant risk of the bag breaking halfway home is a big shit.
Maybe I should start buying random white balls and carrying them on square U-shaped things. It might make my life a whole lot easier!
scott, i did that on purpose. it was actually a clever troll, you seeReplyDelete
- weaselsoupDecember 14, 2011 at 10:47 AM
this from the forums is enjoyable:ReplyDelete
'"The high I feel when I actually remember to bring my reusable bags to the store--and take them inside rather than leaving them in the parked car--can last for days."
That's probably from all the germs that tend to gather in those reusable bags if you don't clean them regularly.
(Although, the carts and baskets you gather your groceries in probably don't fare much better, thanks to parents who bring along their germ-riddled children and adults who can't be bothered to wash properly before venturing into a communal space)
Personally, I prefer the self-checkout - I don't buy that much myself, so it's quick as long as nobody is in front of me in the line, and I can usually bag my own, although I might have to wave off a bagger. I find the baggers to be the inefficient ones - they'll do things like put your milk and bread in the same bag so your bread gets squished and the package gets damp. Plus, anything I can do to keep additional people from touching my food seems like a win to me.'
I suspect you have many bigger problems than germs, my friend
captcha: ROCKSOD.
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 11:16 AM
I was going to mention that this thread is all first world problems, but most people in the first world don't give a shit about these issues.ReplyDelete
So please, everyone, shut the fuck up.
11:16, complaining about things is a traditional human pastime. It's a way of socializing. It just happens that first worlders have to pick more minor things.ReplyDelete
In conclusion, telling people to stop complaining is like telling chickens to stop clucking. Meaning it's dumb. Because they can't understand you.
Having been asked for some strange reason to "help a cashier bag" while working, I'm just gonna go out and say that we do these things because we hate you. You and every other customer who we don't find particularly attractive.ReplyDelete
That is all.
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 1:10 PM
>judging **others** on perceived attractiveness
Stay classy
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 1:11 PM
I thought comic 990 was one of the worst ones he has done in a while. Not funny or interesting, nothing going on at all really.ReplyDelete
yes sometimes people forget things. Lets move on.
I'm hoping Randall quits right after 999, just to troll all his bibbling worshipers who've already prewritten 10-page essays gushing over the majesty and brilliance of whatever he has planned for 1000.ReplyDelete
@Anon110: Have two people, one objectively attractive and one objectively unattractive, in the same line and tell me they get the same service. What is this, Soviet Russia? We fought (proxy) wars so we could discriminate against people for aesthetic reasons.ReplyDelete
- Ravenzomg?December 14, 2011 at 1:43 PM
Also as the ugliest of god's creations I'm allowed to judge people, because i'm pretty sure he put in a moral loophole like in cards when you're the player with the lowest score.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 1:46 PM
It's CRYONIC freezing, Randall! XkcSLAM!ReplyDelete
Rob, you fucking overweight hipster. Why don't you just burn plastic grocery bags to power your house, like everyone else.ReplyDelete
- FUNNY JOKEDecember 14, 2011 at 2:02 PM
Randall Munroe walks into a bar and orders a glass of Megan's breast milkReplyDelete
Anon146, you're mistaking Randall for a scientist, rather than a science enthusiast. Or mistaking him for someone who googled "cryogenics" and who looked beyond the first result(Wikipedia). To his credit, if we ignore the second hit (A foundation dedicated towards research in Cryonics) and assume he used Wikipedia, the Wikipedia page on Cryogenics doesn't mention Cryonics except under "definitions and distinctions", and Randall Munroe is not a man who needs to be pandered to over such simple technicalities which he surely understands in greater depth than any mere wikipedia contributer would, so he probably skipped over that section. In fact, if Randall "I Don't Get Do-overs" Munroe says it's Cryogenics, I'm pretty sure you, the internet, and the English language are all wrong in fact.ReplyDelete
lol @ all the baggot cashiers in the xkcdsucks commentsReplyDelete
"Rob, you fucking overweight hipster. Why don't you just burn plastic grocery bags to power your house, like everyone else."ReplyDelete
look, everyone knows i don't have a house
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 4:06 PM
"Everyone who is excited about the future, he suggests, would rather skip all the boring bits of "invention" and "design" and "innovation," and instead just want to live in the world where all that shit is done for us!ReplyDelete
It makes me truly, profoundly sad to think that there are people out there capable of making this comic."
Why are you pretending to take this oh so seriously and then attack xkcd for it? There is no possible way you actually are THAT retarded.
"Why are you pretending to take this oh so seriously and then attack xkcd for it? There is no possible way you actually are THAT retarded. "ReplyDelete
pretty sure I'm attacking Randy for it, not xkcd. do pay attention.
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 4:46 PM
Capn, as the guy with the most privileged background posting on this blog, I'm going to have to say that everyone wealthy and powerful is a lying, thieving, hypocritical shit and that being a bag boy is probably one of the last remaining honest jobs in America.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 6:11 PM
Yeah, couldn't possibly be because some people are smarter than you.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 6:16 PM
Boy I just found out about this site, I have no clue if your seriously mad at this guy for little stick figure comics. I like xkcd, I'm not gonna defend it's honor or anything but what I can tell you is that the silly little joke in each strip makes me smile. If I don't get the joke or it was not intended to be funny, I shrug it off and wait another day. You on the other hand can put your vast vocabulary and judgement to better use. You should go find every incredible garbage comic and slather some hate butter on those things OR find a good comic and slather some constructive judgmental criticism that other fans couldn't tell their favorite artist about. Offer the bad to the best and let them improve. I find xkcd not to be taken super duper seriously, but it seems that you made some nice friends here, as close as you can get on a blog anyway. Keep doing what you want to do Rob, but consider applying yourself to other stuff to. Maybe you can even make videos and add some of your Rob humor that people here clamor at your site for. Most importantly though is to no get super worked up on these strips, in the end it's just ones and zeroes.ReplyDelete
i do lots of other stuffReplyDelete
i don't :(ReplyDelete
i was getting a degree. then i found this site. i was forced to drop out to spend more time rereading each xkcd strip, hate increasing every time
worth it
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 8:25 PM
I actually laughed at the cryogenics one :PReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 9:24 PM
@10:17 I'm trying to be offended by that, but it's just too pathetic. Sorry.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 1:20 AM
6:11, what couldn't possibly be? Written language isn't that hard. You can't just make up an intermediate thought in your head and refer to "it" in argument.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 1:27 AM
I know, right, 9:24? Wanting to punch the guy packing bags because he doesn't "obey" you? Lol @ career student Himmlers.ReplyDelete
- AnonymouseDecember 15, 2011 at 3:49 AM
My favourite part about this site is reading comments that translate as:ReplyDelete
"I hate the author of this webcomic! I hate him so much I've found out his first name, and his girlfriends first name, and the specifics of her unfortunate medical condition"
I had been happily reading XKCD for years without knowing any of these things!
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 4:47 AM
3:49, it's not like all that information is posted on the xkcd website by the author of the comicReplyDelete
"I hate the author of this webcomic! I hate him so much I've found out his first name, and his girlfriends first name, and the specifics of her unfortunate medical condition"ReplyDelete
Hey, a little respect, do ya? It took us years of really hard work to find out all of those things -- especially the "medical condition" part, which Randall made sure to rub on everyone's face for about two months straight.
CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCERReplyDelete
CANCER CANCER really boring joke CANCER CANCER
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 6:15 AM
It matters not how straight her gait
How charged with little hairs her mole.
I'm not the mastur of my bate
I'm not the mistress of my pole.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 6:30 AM
Haha, fap joke. You're so original.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 6:30 AM
Here's the Master returning,ReplyDelete
A cigar 'tween his lips,
Hurrah! for the Master
Who smokes while he whips!
He knows how to tackle
Two pleasures at once-
The taste of the baccy
The smart of the Dunce.
So he puffed like a demon!
And fiercely cut in,
Till you hardly could pick out
An inch of whole skin.
Then he took a new country,
And he striped the white thighs,
Till the old hall re-echoed
A tempest of cries.
O! firm was his muscle!
And supple his wrist,
And he handled the Rod,
With a terrible twist,
But muscles grow weary,
And arms lose their powers,
There's an end for all nice things,
For floggings - like flowers.
Shrieks Frank Fane, "I'm dying!"
Says Redgy," You a'nt,
And if you go off
In a bit of a faint,
We'll soon thrash you back
Into living again,
You've not done with swishing
Just yet - Master Fane!"
Now the whipping is over,
And the culprit is free,
I don't think he'll sit down,
This evening for tea!
And when in a fortnight
He's turned down once more,
I fancy he'll find
His bottom still sore.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 6:51 AM
Anonycunt @ 6:30 AM said,ReplyDelete
".....Haha, fap joke. You're so original....."
It's a 'don't have to 'fap'' joke, ya arsehole.
You're right about the original part though.
- Dicksmash McIroncockDecember 15, 2011 at 7:08 AM
After hours of careful observation, I've determined the formula for ALTF.ReplyDelete
Given input from user: [Statement part A], [Statement part B]
return: [Variation on A] + [Agreement with B] + "Cunt"
Now if someone could just take that pseudocode and turn it into something a compiler can parse, we'll have an ALTF AI we can send to any forum we want. Nobody will be able to tell the difference.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 7:13 AM
shutup dicksmash, altf is amazing. i got her to blow me all night with a blindfold on. lets see your ai do thatReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 7:22 AM
"....Nobody will be able to tell the difference...."ReplyDelete
Even I couldn't. Assuming the AI is I enough.
The blindfold was for the protection of the audience I reckon. Yes?
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 7:31 AM
same time tonight altf?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 7:35 AM
Why not.ReplyDelete
I want cash this time though.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 7:38 AM
... why was she wearing a blindfold?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 7:42 AM
i want you to beg for each bill. can you humble yourself enough to beg?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 8:05 AM
rob is it true that you are fat in real life or is that just like a thing that people say on hereReplyDelete
God this comic makes me want to drink a big cup of breast milk.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 8:48 AM
For your's truly begging is not a humbling experience. I relish its necessary posture of entreaty.ReplyDelete
You fail it. Your skill is not enough. See you next time. Byebye.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 9:20 AM
Everyone shut up and revel in the beautiful public school experience of 6:30, even if it isn't original.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 9:22 AM
'Tis sad how low I have to go in my posture of entreaty to entice.ReplyDelete
Is the word, 'Byebye' not a hyphenated informal interjection? - Bye-bye?
There should not be a comma before your quoted word.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 9:46 AM
You are prevaricating to confuse me aren't you?
What are your thoughts on my use of the 'a' article specifying the grammatical definiteness of the compound noun 'hyphenated informal interjection' when the Queen's English would call for an 'an'? Especially as my Cockney linguistic association would have me mute the 'h' in speech?
I like to use "an" before "historic" just because it sounds right, but for most H words, it just sounds stupid.ReplyDelete
I had an hell of a time thinking of an example.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 10:23 AM
So you're saying my use of the indefinite article 'a' preceding the word 'hyphenated' does sound right to you and is therefore correct? It does not sound 'right' to me though - I's a Cockney cunt. Which convention should we abide?
If you are of the Revolted Colonies I reckon your rules should prevail - after all, yins rule the world. Then again, the Brits invented the language, should their views not preponderate?
Besides, the fact that something sounds right' is hardly a defensible method of determining syntax and grammar, now is it?
I think as a method of determining how to type when posting on a hate blog it is sufficient.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 10:47 AM
You are one that hated not wisely but too well then?ReplyDelete
You go all computer test one?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 11:06 AM
"You go all computer test one"?ReplyDelete
Please translate that into either Yankee or Limey would you?
I pray you, in your letters,
When you shall these unlucky deeds relate,
Speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate,
Nor set down aught in malice. Then must you speak
Of one that lov'd not wisely but too well;
Of one not easily jealous, but being wrought,
Perplex'd in the extreme. . . .
Othello Act 5, scene 2, 340–346
What do you look like in a state of undress?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 11:20 AM
brown angel delight with some white dog shit on top
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 1:12 PM
Much like a wild rose, beautiful, calm and fragrant, but willing to draw blood in my defence.ReplyDelete
Undress begets redress, not re-dress.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 1:51 PM
GUISE GUISE LET'S DO A FUNNY THING. We quote some classical work of prose or poetry but add a twist at the end by replacing the original romantic ideal with bitter, cynical truth. Let me start.ReplyDelete
A Poison Tree
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath...
...and now we're not friends any more.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 1:54 PM
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose...
...ask for a bailout
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 1:57 PM
Mending WallReplyDelete
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
"Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it
Where there are cows?
But here there are no cows...
..only crazy Arabs."
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 1:59 PM
Telephone ConversationReplyDelete
Silence. Silenced transmission of
Pressurized good-breeding. Voice, when it came,
Lipstick coated, long gold rolled
Cigarette-holder pipped. Caught I was foully.
"HOW DARK?" . . . I had not misheard . . . "ARE YOU LIGHT OR VERY DARK?" Button B, Button A...
...Button B.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:04 PM
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desart. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command...
...Tell that she shouldn't have had that second drink with Pickles.
This comment has been removed by the author.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:11 PM
Yawny yawny cunt cuntReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:13 PM
Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest...ReplyDelete
...CPR re-training scheduled.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:14 PM
here I sit all broken heartedReplyDelete
cuz I'm unemployed and have no place to live
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:14 PM
Come on, ALTF, I'm sure you can be creative too...!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:17 PM
Dulce et decorum estReplyDelete
If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin,
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs
Bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, —
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: NHS hospitals are getting cleaner.
I misspelled Poe's name. Now I'm too bitter to play.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:24 PM
Kubla KhanReplyDelete
IN Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
...completed £351 million over budget and three months late.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:28 PM
Auld Lang SyneReplyDelete
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:34 PM
@ Anonycunt @ 2:14 PMReplyDelete
I WAS playing, you ignoramus!
Besides, I am a dissimulator, not a simulator.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 2:55 PM
Nah, you're just a run-of-the-mill troll who seems to dedicate more time to posting here than anyone else. What you can't achieve by beauty, achieve by volume.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 3:07 PM
What ever gets me through the day.ReplyDelete
Besides, moron, that's what dissimulators do.
For how long must one post here, under an identifiable name, before one loses 'Troll' status? I've been here, on and off, for over a tenth of a decade now.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 3:08 PM
off to befordshire for me.ReplyDelete
Poe's Law: Always marry your 13-year-old cousin.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 3:32 PM
Kawasaki's Theorem: a rider can be folded into an organ donor iff...ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 3:33 PM
Green's Theorem: no Green movement achieves anything without the sponsorship of a belligerent foreign government.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 3:36 PM
Four-Colour Theorem: the countries of the world can all be coloured white, yellow, olive or brown in such a way that regions sharing a common boundary hate each other.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 3:39 PM
Rice's theorem: only trivial properties of public officials are noticed.ReplyDelete
Corollary: No Change!
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 3:52 PM
Rob's Theorem: the the systematic deconstruction of another man's intellectual property can make up for the inability to do anything worthwhile with ones already meaningless lifeReplyDelete
Corollary: self gratification boner!
the new penny arcade guest strip has a reference for a punchline. the reference is to xkcdReplyDelete
like rob, it has come full circle
you are only saying that because i am so fat that i am infinitely large and therefore am a perfect circleReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 8:46 PM
>still reads Penny Arcade
I seriously hope you guys don't do that
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 9:08 PM
I'm not clear on why you think being infinitely large would somehow make you a perfect circle, Rob. For one thing, I believe you are three dimensional, so at best you are a perfect sphere.ReplyDelete
Also, the new xkcd is extremely bad.
"I believe you are three dimensional"ReplyDelete
shows what you know
991. Dear god why. What is it supposed to mean? Two guys have stood in line for over a decade waiting to see SW Episode 1, ha ha? Surely there must be some reference I'm missing?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 10:55 PM
What you didn't get is the point and the punchline.
Unfortunately for you, neither has ever existed.
- AmarsirDecember 16, 2011 at 3:47 AM
@Radmir, more likely it's a reference to 2012 re-releases in 3d.ReplyDelete
What is the point of this? "Star Wars fans are really really really stupid?" I spose in that respect fair enough if he wants to express that opinion, but there are about 75 million funnier ways to say it.ReplyDelete
also, this is the same comic that spent a week doing a sickly Firefly Mary Sue. perhaps a little more embarrassing than queuing to see a film, stupid as that is.
- AnonymousDecember 16, 2011 at 4:15 AM
I don't much like Star Wars but I can say with confidence that a lot of Star Wars fans aren't stupid.ReplyDelete
I don't much like xkcd and I can say with confidence that all xkcd fans are stupid. Not a single exception. Not even you, angry reader.
- AnonymousDecember 16, 2011 at 10:12 AM
I simply don't understand this at all. But that might be because in supermarkets around here, you simply pack your own things, and there is usually a selection of three different bags, plastic with handles, sturdy and very durable paper with handles and much bigger extremely sturdy and very durable paper with handles. You choose the ones you like by estimating the volume of your purchases, pay for them and pack them as you like. Done. And, WTF is double bagging? Do you really have bags so crappy you need to put one in the other for them to hold together?ReplyDelete
The shops that put things in bags for you here are usually more specialised, and you usually don't shop carts full to the brim of stuff in them as you do when shopping groceries at a supermarket.
@12:12 In a typical american supermarket or the like, the employees put your things in bags for you, and the bags suck so the heavy things like multiple milk cartons are put in double bags.ReplyDelete
In Canada, the milk already comes in bags.ReplyDelete
I bet Randall would blow a load the first time he saw them.
- AnonymousDecember 16, 2011 at 12:42 PM
In America, employees come in bags.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 16, 2011 at 3:07 PM
wait guys what was the jokeReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 16, 2011 at 4:05 PM
@3:07 my tombstone will read similarly.ReplyDelete
I've got a Rob problem.ReplyDelete
A poster boy of the xkcd haters, Rob steadfastly thanks Megan's milk after every post and, while in college, often inscribed anti-xkcd messages on his eye paint. Homeschooled in Florida, this child of missionaries turned down his selection as a xkcd All American because it was, well, xkcd. His trademark prayerful blog post celebration (imagine Rodin's "Thinker" on bended knee, or your grandfather davening Tachanun with a football) has become a verb. Google "robbing" and you'll find 84 million hits, including lots of YouTube parodies. Rob's mother, a Baptist missionary, became comatose during her pregnancy and was saved by drugs that nearly killed the fetus. Doctors anticipated a stillbirth and recommended termination to protect her life, but Rob's mother refused to abort. Trumpeting that decision, mother and son appeared in commercials for "Focus on Breast Milk" during this past season's Super Bowl.
Now tiny Rob has grown (a lot!) and is on track to possibly appear in this season's "xkcd sucks" – on the field – and that is what scares me.
In this country, nothing, not even God, is more popular than hating xkcd. Even in the wake of a summer long labor dispute, 23 of the 25 most watched blog posts this fall have been "xkcd sucks". When you combine the religion that is hating xkcd with the religion that is being fat, the mix can be dangerously flammable. The "xkcd sucks" ratings rise has been fueled in part by Rob's legions of faithful followers, as well as by those simply curious to see how this implausible morality tale plays out.
People are always looking for signs of Megan's beneficence, and a victory by the xkcd haters over the blue-clad Randall Munroe, from the bluest of blue states, will give fodder to a xkcd sucks revivalism that has already turned the Republican presidential race into a pander-thon to xkcd haters, rekindling memories of those cultural icons of the '80s, the Moral Majority and "Hee Haw." The culture wars are alive and well, and, if the current climate in Washington is any indicator, the motors are being revved up for what will undoubtedly be the most cantankerous Presidential campaign ever. When supposedly well-educated candidates publicly question overwhelming scientific evidence on how much xkcd sucks and then gain electoral traction by fabricating conspiracies about a war on breast milk, these are not rational times.
Into the middle of it all rides Rob. Absolutely confident that Megan's milk is on his side, he comes across as a humbler version of Randall Munroe, who, in this week's xkcd, audaciously lays claim to being the Chosen One, and then goes out and proves it. Rob's sanctimonious xkcd sucks-talk has led even pious peers like Carl "Ugly" Wheeler to suggest that he cool it. Randall could have used the same coaching.
If Rob wins the Super Bowl, against all odds, it will buoy his faithful, and emboldened faithful can do insane things, like burning mosques, bashing gays and indiscriminately banishing immigrants. While America has become more inclusive since Carl Wheeler's first "xkcd sucks" forays, a Rob triumph could set those efforts back considerably.
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWNReplyDelete
- Surfshack TitoDecember 16, 2011 at 6:32 PM
So guys' it turns out 14 Branchland Court is infested by unknown critters, and Bob Chandler was actually QUARANTINED before he died due to bug bites? That's seriously fucked up, even by the Branchland Cru's usual standards.ReplyDelete
Anyway, I hope Chris returns to the internet soon. I actually miss the autistic fuck.
- AnonymousDecember 16, 2011 at 9:54 PM
Fun fact: stores actually have a competition to see who can spread your items across the LEAST plastic shopping bags.ReplyDelete
Bags cost money and stores don't like wasting it.
There is nothing about this comic that isn't terrible.
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 2:06 AM
I think the worst thing about being addicted to prescription painkillers and also being an alcoholic at the same time is trying to remember the difference between prescription painkillers which have warnings that say "do not mix with alcohol" which ACTUALLY mean "will be extremely fun to mix with alcohol," and painkillers that have warnings saying "do not mix with alcohol" which mean "No, I'm serious, REALLY don't mix with alcohol."ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 2:26 AM
goomh anon 206, I have that exact problem.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 3:33 AM
I think the worst thing about people who claim to be addicts is they don't realise that all you have to do is throw away your supplies and stop doing it. If there's a physical cold turkey period then ask someone to lock you in a room for a few days with only bread and water.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 4:51 AM
The practice of science assumes faith in the effectiveness of memory.ReplyDelete
All attempts to "check" memory, e.g. writing down or peer confirmation, immediately depend on memory to allow you to conclude that your results are correct.
Conclusion: science depends on faith.
This doesn't matter but it's great for trolling militant atheists.
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 7:10 AM
"....All attempts to "check" memory, e.g. writing down or peer confirmation, immediately depend on memory to allow you to conclude that your results are correct....."ReplyDelete
What about video and/or bribery you deist cunt?
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 7:10 AM
Can someone explain the new comic to me? Didn't Phantom Menace come out over a decade ago?ReplyDelete
...could that be the joke? If so, why?
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 8:46 AM
@ 3:33 This assumes an addict who wants to stop being addicted. A lot of addicts have terrible lives and literally don't care if they die and therefore don't really have any motivation at all to stop being addicted. Could I stop being addicted to painkillers and alcohol? Yeah, probably, if I ever tried. Do I want to? Not really, what's the point?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 8:59 AM
So it's choice, not addiction.ReplyDelete
Also some "addicts have terrible lives"; but do you?
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 11:42 AM
"Can someone explain the new comic to me? Didn't Phantom Menace come out over a decade ago?ReplyDelete
...could that be the joke? If so, why?"
The joke is that the two guys have been standing outside the wrong building for the past decade.
You are now cleared to laugh uproariously.
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 12:02 PM
heh. its funny cuz the pahntom manace suxReplyDelete
Hey all. I'd like to interrupt this thread to talk to you about censorship. There is a bill going through congress right now, which will impose draconian laws on what websites Americans can view. If it happens, the internet won't be fun any more.ReplyDelete
So if you're American, take action. If you're not American, take action, and don't think it won't affect you, because it will. And it will affect sites like these. This bill could affect Xkcdsucks' very existence!
Visit americancensorship.org to stop this madness.
Captcha: watios. Aww, he's trying to say ratios.
"This bill could affect Xkcdsucks' very existence!"ReplyDelete
i think i speak for all of us when i say:
also probably dear god but after some internet atheists beat me in an argument i am now contractually obligated never to spell 'god' correctly againReplyDelete
i think i just broke the terms of my agreement
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 5:18 PM
SOPA is just the modern attitude toward Copyright consistently applied. I would prefer that it passes and that people learn what it's really like to live in a world where we have "intellectual property" rather than a limited temporary exclusive right for the sole purpose of fostering advancement of science and the useful arts.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 2:56 AM
Please pass SOPA! No change is possible until the common folk feel the boot of oppression at their own throats.ReplyDelete
I like Gay Batman, eh fights wordwalls and doesn't afraid to troll.
- Jim PantsDecember 18, 2011 at 6:22 AM
Stop SOPA! It could restrict my inalienable humans right to call people Samefags (heh) and read about badass longcoats on TvTropes.ReplyDelete
Anon 5:18 = Anon 2:56 = Obvious strawmanReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 8:14 AM
6:42 = obvious FAGGOTReplyDelete
The bill is for your protection, children. It's there to protect you from the harmful things on the internet. Why do you hate yourselves so much? We just want you to be happy =[ =[ =[ =[ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 8:34 AM
Actually, Anonycunt @ 8:14, it is not at all that obvious - I am still undecided.ReplyDelete
What is obvious is your concept of 'Intellectual Property' as it applies in the land of the deeply stupid - that is, the great U S of A.
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 9:09 AM
Rob @ December 17, 2011 4:59 PM said,ReplyDelete
".....i am now contractually obligated never to spell 'god' correctly again....."
You have not. Most capitalise the first letter - out of some misguided concept of respect and/or literary convention.
You killed Hitchens after your thrashing, didn't you?
- Hitchens is not Great: How straw men attack religionDecember 18, 2011 at 9:23 AM
This is a sobering lesson to all fat middle-aged men that they can grow breasts and die of cancer too.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 9:37 AM
Yeah, ALTF, pay attention to 9:23.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 9:47 AM
I done growed breastises when I was knee-high to a leaf-cutter ant. Well, breasts in as much as you can call a trio of Asian mammas 'breasts' that is.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 10:04 AM
And from my chronological perspective, 62 is NOT middle-age; it's fecking OLD age!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 10:27 AM
He didn't grow metasterrific breasts overnight, though. The cancer-vectoring fan bleat that makes a man explode with pomposity was quite chronic.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 1:32 PM
"pretty sure I'm attacking Randy for it, not xkcd. do pay attention."ReplyDelete
...really. What a ridiculous way to avoid answering. Well, so you can understand it, here it goes again:
Why are you pretending to take this oh so seriously and then attack Randy for it?
because it amuses me. next question?ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 1:41 PM
Do you measure your happiness on an Epicurean scale or a Stoic one?ReplyDelete
it's all greek to meReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 1:49 PM
...really. What a ridiculous way to avoid answering. Well, so you can understand it, here it goes again:ReplyDelete
Do you like your donuts with or without glazing?
Feck off, imposter. Everyone knows the correct, Queen's English spelling is "doughnut". Innit?ReplyDelete
DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKSReplyDelete
My dear Raven.ReplyDelete
*Puts on old man voice*
In my day we never had any of this 'SOPA', and we turned out just fine. Why should the kids of today deserve any different?
Also Anon 4:19, you fail at impersonating ALT-F forever.
Captcha: doggrem. Doggr 'em, I say!
This is how it's done.ReplyDelete
*Looks madly in mirror, then back at avatar on screen, then stares at hands, then back at the avatar*ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 4:53 PM
Jon Levi, a madman is most likely to believe he turned out just fine.ReplyDelete
captcha: drica. drica, druga, raypa.
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWNReplyDelete
oh man I /love/ that "[none I care for]"ReplyDelete
"mnemonics do exist for this, but they have all been judged INFERIOR by the great Randallian mind"
The latest comic makes me raeg.ReplyDelete
It's so dumb.
Get off your lazy arse Rob and give it the treatment it deserves.
Okay, I'll admit I laughed at "Please Email My Dad A Shark". But none of the others.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 6:28 AM
"because it amuses me. next question?"ReplyDelete
Just that I see you don't deny that you're making things up just to be able to attack "Randy". Pretty cool and refreshing to see that.
- xkcd shop banner actually says thisDecember 19, 2011 at 6:33 AM
CENTRIFUGES: THEY'RE WHAT SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYSReplyDelete
Please Excuse my Dear Aunt Sally? What kind of child molesting communist nazi taught that in school? Its BEDMAS you dumb fuckers. You don't need a goddamned sentence to remember BEDMAS.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 7:41 AM
also bodmas/bedmas/pedoas is wrong and always has beenReplyDelete
not 3-4+1=3-(4+1)=3-5=-2
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 7:42 AM
tl;dr - has never distributed implicitly over +ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 7:43 AM
No. NO. You are mathematically illiterate, 7:41.ReplyDelete
Captcha: beterc. betercatchup on that Mcdonald's job, 7:41.
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 7:47 AM
7:43, capitalised contradictions aren't any more correct. 3-4+1=0 by every adult interpretation which doesn't apply some dumb school rule no-one uses in the real world.ReplyDelete
7:41 that was the stupidest shit I ever read. Your math teacher should beat you with a stick.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 7:49 AM
7:47, MSc in mathematics here and 7:41 is correct.ReplyDelete
- samefagDecember 19, 2011 at 7:55 AM
also samefag/samefag/samefag is samefag and always has beenReplyDelete
not samefag-samefag+samefag=samefag-(samefag+samefag)=samefag-samefag=-samefag
Right, but 7:41 impled that following BEDMAS would give you the second (incorrect)statement while in fact the first statement follows BEDMAS.ReplyDelete
Its Brackets Exponents Multiplication Division in the order they appear and Addition/Subtract in the order they appear
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 8:47 AM
somewhat typically of xkcd, 992 is a good idea executed terribly. if all the alternative mnemonics he thought up were actually *funny*, it would be a pretty good comic.ReplyDelete
unfortunately, only a few of them are funny - the zunes one and the last one (jesus). but by now i don't expect any more than that from randall. oh well.
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 9:22 AM
What Ian said... We evaluate infix expression notation according to the precedence rules of the operators. multiplication and division have the same precedence, so do addition and subtraction... So by convention are evaluated from left to right.ReplyDelete
However, this has no bearing on how good at math you are. I typically use and invent my own order of operations. Identical mathematical statements can be represented in any other evaluation system. Infix notation is simply an agreed upon protocol for the transmission of mathematic expressions.
I frequently use RPN to avoid such ambiguities.
thus: 3 - 4 + 1
becomes: 3 4 - 1 +
Push values onto the stack as encountered.
Evaluate operators as encountered with the top of the variables on top of the stack, push the result onto the stack.
3 4 - 1 +
1 (-1) +
^-- That's the answer folks. + and - have equal precedence.
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 9:24 AM
comic 1000 will be an appeal to the viewers to donate money to cancer research/the WWF/him, mark my wordsReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 9:26 AM
Anon 9:22 - autistic samefag who cannot do this easy Algebra 1 shit in his head and has to invent a chart with boolean operators and floating point integrals and shit just to do smt like 4 + 2 - 7ReplyDelete
Captcha: jewarag
what is this I don't even
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 9:53 AM
Ian, perhaps you're too simple to have understood the original post.ReplyDelete
BEDMAS as an acronym only implies linear order and nothing about associativity. It does not imply that DM are grouped and AS are grouped. It is misleading and shouldn't be taught to anybody.
The Anon with the RPN is even worse and would probably feel at home on the xkcd fora.
The mature approach is to employ brackets except where typesetting (including implicit multiplication) makes the order of operations clear.
- weaselsoupDecember 19, 2011 at 11:09 AM
he can't spell contraceptivesReplyDelete
the icky sex obsession is particularly gross in this one
the drawings are particularly terrible in this one.
it seems to actually be getting worse.
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 12:35 PM
I just wanted to point out that Randal manages to completely miss the point of mnemonics in his latest comic. A mnemonic has to be either incredibly short (BEDMAS) or incredibly silly but still have flow (My very educated mother just served us nine pizzas) in order to be easily remembered. Most of these are neither.ReplyDelete
"Just that I see you don't deny that you're making things up just to be able to attack "Randy". Pretty cool and refreshing to see that. "ReplyDelete
um no because that is the entire point of this blog
are you new or something?
also: "none I care for" when combined with the fact that the mnemonic that immediately comes to my mind is "black boys rape our young girls but Violet goes willingly" makes it seem a very high-handed white-knighting thingReplyDelete
then again I am a terrible racist anti-Semetic misogynist so I guess that's what I would say
the forums say it's "bad boys" but that just makes me think of Will Smith & Martin Lawrence :-(ReplyDelete
so yeah basically i am a terrible person
um also trigger warning I guessReplyDelete


text:
This weekend I spent eight hours in the car with my kids, eight hours filled with provocative conversation such as:
"Dad, if you could be the author of any book in the world which book would it be?"
"The Bible."
"So what's that song you're singing?"
"It's my theme song."
"You have a theme song? I want a theme song--make one up for me!"
"Supporting characters don't have theme songs."
It was our last camping trip before the kids start school on Wednesday and after a wet weekend of protecting my vital organs from the mosquitoes and getting so muddy I'm still finding dirt in personal places I'm ready to turn my children over to the public education system and vote all the teachers a pay raise.
Friday afternoon we drove four hours south to Clam Gulch. I'd been begging Andrew all summer to go clam digging and since me begging to do something outdoorsy happens only once in a marriage he decided he'd better humor me. But going to Clam Gulch was our first mistake because after traveling that far only to find pouring rain it wasn't as if we could turn around and say, "No good, we're going home." We had to tough it out.
So we drove a little farther to Ninilchik and lucky for us I spotted a covered picnic area we could use to park our tent (it's so big it has stadium seating) out of the rain. I should say lucky for the kids because after four hours on the road if we'd been stuck inside a wet tent I think I might have reverted to ferrel instincts and attacked my young. It was coming.
As it was we made a decent go of things, trying to light a wet fire and make it through the night dry, until I discovered that I'd forgot most of our breakfast in the refrigerator back at home, leaving us to survive on Spam and eggless pancakes. Yes, you read that right--Spam. It was either Spam or charred mosquito kabobs because regardless of the rain the bugs were so bad I left weighing five pounds less than before thanks to the loss of blood.
We happily supplemented our Spamfest with soggy boxes of Cracker Jacks which the kids suggested would make a fine cold cereal if only there were milk to seal the deal. So besides a cramped car ride, pouring rain, lack of food and mosquitoes so big they scream when you smack them the final piece of our perfect weekend was a sign on the outhouse door warning us of recent bear sightings in the area (after all the bear attacks we've had in Anchorage this summer we're all a bit jumpy). I was begging to get voted off that island.
By the time we packed things up in the morning we were wondering if we should even attempt any clamming but the rain made things smell so wonderful and we still had plenty of time left so we decided to push on. I mean we were really at the bottom of the curve and figured it pretty much couldn't get any worse.
So we drove next door to Ninilchik (ni-NIL-chick) where the low tide 9-11 am was supposed to be prime time for Alaskan razor clams. As a divine manifestation that we had chosen wisely the rain cleared up when we pulled into town. Well, it's not really a town, more of a village. Okay maybe not a village but a small settlement? Maybe. On a good day if you're really optimistic and count the dog houses. But whatever you call it it was really lovely there along the Ninilchik River emptying into the sea.
As soon as we were out of the car and had our boots on it was as if all of the bad luck melted away. One deep breath told me I was at the ocean--funny how it smells the same everywhere--and it was as if it made everything better. We grabbed our bucket and shovels and headed out onto the silty beach without a clue what to do.
As soon as we got out there we met up with this amazing clamming duo. The man, wearing a t-shirt that said "Shot Drinker" across the shoulders and a pair of yellow rain pants, was running the clam gun like he was used to pulling up five yards of concrete with his bare hands and the woman in her matching yellow rain gear would get down on her perfectly manicured hands to dig the critters out of the mud (you'll have to see the video footage at the end to get the full effect).
I was completely fascinated by them and would have been happy just to watch them all day and they were friendly enough to answer our questions. Apparently we were looking for a clam hole like you see here--about the size of a dime and just a dimple in the silt. Once you find your hole you either plunge in your clam gun to suction out a hole before sticking your arm in up to the shoulder to dig around in the mud for a creature that doesn't taste that good anyway or you work like mad sweat to dig out a hole with your flimsy clam shovel only to find that the clam is long gone.
I think their way is a little more efficient. They had a whole bucket of clams to back up their World Master Clammer title and I was completely in awe. We followed them around for a while and they were so patient with us, answering questions and encouraging us to get our hands in there.
At least we gave the Deadliest Catch couple their chuckle for the day since we city folk didn't have a clue how to catch a clam and were reluctant to get our hands dirty. They finally pulled one up and gave it to Spencer in a "Here little boy, here's a clam for you" gesture which was not lost on us.
We spent the next hour trying desperately to catch one for ourselves, there were plenty of clam dimples around but we just couldn't get to them quick enough before they took off, thumbing their little noses at us in mockery.
So we roamed the beach with our empty bucket, shovels and Pity Clam digging every dimple we could find until the tide forced us back. Eventually we found someone who said they'd be willing to give our clam a good home to save me having to put it out of its misery and we wandered farther up the beach where I added some excellent pieces to my beach glass collection. Oh and David found a maggoty fish head that he begged to take home.
We learned later that the clams at Clam Gulch are smaller and nearer the surface than the clams in Ninilchik and we realized we probably should have started out with the farm league rather than jumping directly into the majors. Next time we'll try out Clam Gulch instead--maybe even stay at Clam Gulch Lodge which I've heard such good things about and would love to try--though I can't say that we didn't have a fun time digging up the beach anyway. Despite the rain and mud, the bugs and the bears at least I can say I've been clam digging. Lucky they don't call it clam "catching" because I'd still be waiting for that one.
Anyway, you can check out more of my photos from the trip at Flickr and here's a video with our clamming friends in action. The dialog is so silly and goofy it gives you an idea of what it's like to hang around us--we're much classier in person I promise you.
Sponsored by Sweet Retreat Kids--for fun kids decor. Fun spaces are memorable places.
Technorati tags: Alaska, travel, clams, camping

subset: commoncrawl


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When an announcement was made at our Concordia Lutheran Ministries Christmas party, that those of us with 30 or more years of employment would be taken to Pittsburgh for dinner, none of us knew quite what to expect.
We found out on Saturday.
We were picked up in a limo bus and taken to the Lemont Restaurant, where we were instructed to order whatever we wanted. From there we were dropped off at PNC Park and whisked off to box club house seats to enjoy a Pirates game.
Words cannot begin to describe how phenomenal the entire night was. Two things made that night special. First was the closeness we all felt to each other in remembering and relaying stories of events that stood out in our minds from over the years. The second — and the reason we feel compelled to write this letter — was the feeling of being appreciated for all of our years of service. You don't find that with a lot of companies these days.
A big thank-you to the board of directors at Concordia Lutheran Ministries and to Mr. Frndak, our president and CEO, for a night out we won't soon forget.
Helen Hancock,
Carol Matis, Diane Lynn,
Barbara McTighe, Patty Jo Erceg,
Arlene Freehling,
Marysue Hitchens,
Cheryl Kirkwood
Concordia Lutheran Ministries, Cabot


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Many of the creative minds displaying inventions at the MIC show needed a ride from their parents to get there....
What can one do to keep your pets from getting their hair all over the house?
Is there a fun way to learn to do math?
What would it take to build a greenhouse in space?
These and many other questions were answered by inventors recently as part of the Minnesota Inventors Congress, but these creative minds needed a ride from an adult just to get to the show.
Several students from across Minnesota were in Redwood Falls April 19-20 for the Minnesota Student Inventors Congress, with a group of students exhibiting their idea Friday and another group showing Saturday.
Among the Saturday ex-hibits was one from Abigail Keyport, who is a fourth grader from Virginia.
Called "Pawsitively Hair Free," her invention ad-dressed an issue she has at home – pets who leave their hair and muddy footprints all over the house.
Keyport, who said she has several pets, including a dog, cat and rabbit, created a prototype design which pets would walk through, and as they walk brushes on either side of them would take away the hair before they enter the home. A pad underneath would also ensure cleaner paws.
"I just wanted to find a way to have less hair in the house," said Keyport, who said the invention was part of a science class that had all of the fourth and fifth graders inventing something.
Keyport, who developed an invention for the first time, said she liked the process.
"It's cool to come up with an idea and then to make it," she said, adding she also liked the chance to show other people her idea.
From her school event, Keyport took her project to a regional show in Duluth where she placed first to earn a trip to the local invention exhibition.
Ella Palmer and Johnette Ostlund of Carlton are fourth graders in the same school.
"We're actually in the same class," said Palmer.
So, when students were given the assignment to develop an idea that solved a problem, they decided to work together.
What they invented was a game they call "Math-o-rama," which helps those who are struggling with math to learn in a different way.
"We know there are kids who have problems learning math," said Ostlund. "Our game helps them learn and have fun, too."
The game challenges a student's basic understanding of math skills, especially multiplication.
While it may be geared to those who do not grasp all of the concepts, anyone who wants to practice their math skills would benefit from playing it, too, said Palmer.
Palmer and Ostlund said they love math.
"It's just something that seems fun in my brain," said Palmer.
Ostlund added she really likes working with numbers.
"In any job you are going to need to know math," said Ostlund.
The two friends qualified to take their invention to a regional contest in Duluth where they then qualified to attend the student inventors congress in Redwood Falls. Both said they really enjoyed inventing, especially when they know what they are creating might help someone else.
For Andrew Aker-man, the idea for his invention began with a personal interest.
"I want to be an astronaut," said the Maple Grove sixth grader. "I really like learning about space."
Akerman said he learned many of the space missions have been cut short, because the astronauts run out of food. His idea, called "Plants in Space" would address that.
"I designed a greenhouse that could be used in space," said Akerman, adding the greenhouse uses air and water to ensure the plants being grown have what they need.
"The space station could dock onto it and then have all the fresh food they would need," said, adding he re-searched what kind of material would be needed to build the greenhouse, including the same type of window material used on the space shuttles.
Akerman said his idea was developed as a science project when the class studied a unit on inventing.
"I really like solving a problem," Akerman said when asked what he liked about the inventing process.
Keyport, Ostlund, Palmer and Akerman said they were having fun and hoped to come up with another idea for next year.
Perhaps some day in the future they could return with an invention for the MIC and be able to drive it there themselves.


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Existing-Home Sales Increase for the First Time in Six Months
WASHINGTON (November 21, 2018) – Existing-home sales increased in October after six straight months of decreases, according to the National Association of Realtors®. Three of four major U.S. regions saw gains in sales activity last month.
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The homeownership rate of 64.4 percent was not statistically different from the rate in the third quarter 2017 (63.9 percent) nor from the rate in the second quarter 2018 (64.3 percent).
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Sales of new single-family houses in October 2018 were at a seasonally adjusted annual rate of 544,000, according to estimates released jointly today by the U.S. Census Bureau and the Department of Housing and Urban Development. This is 8.9 percent (±13.7 percent)* below the revised September rate of 597,000 and is 12.0 percent (±13.1 percent)* below the October 2017 estimate of 618,000.
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Volvo Penta Sterndrive Joystick
Volvo Penta first introduced intuitive joystick maneuvering to pleasure boats with their IPS system in 2005. For the first time a pleasure boats in the 31' to 60' (9.4 m to 18.2 m) range could independently vary the thrust angles of its props on pods to move a boat in any direction -- even straight sideways -- in response to the position of a single joystick at the helm (or at an additional docking station).
Volvo Penta applied this technology to its twin sterndrive propulsion packages in 2010, bringing joystick control to inland lakes and coastal areas dominated by sterndrive boats.
Key Features
Intuitive Control. The joystick removes the disconnect between what the captain wants the boat to do versus the actual shift and steering wheel positions that accomplish the goal. Push the joystick in any direction and the boat moves that way. Rotate the joystick and the boat rotates. Or do both -- move and rotate -- simultaneously.
Replaces Bow Thrusters. The joystick replaces the purchase and upkeep of a bow thruster, and with just one control for all boat movements, it's easier to use than a bow thruster. Bow thrusters also require their own battery and continuous use can over heat its motor and cause it to shut down. Further, bow thrusters typically have one setting which may not provide enough thrust in certain situations. Also, it is good to remember that a bow thruster can only move the boat to the left or right.
By turning one sterndrive lower unit to port with forward thrust and turning the other to starboard with reverse thrust, a joystick system makes the boat go directly sideways to starboard, or vice-versa, even varying the sideways thrust based simply on how far the joystick is pushed. Varying angles and rpm can combine sideways thrust with movement forward or back, and even simultaneously rotate the boat along its keel.
Fly-by-Wire Reliability. There are more ways for mechanical shifts, throttles and steering to fail than when electronics control the engines and drives. Volvo Penta's electronics include redundant components with built-in cross-checks and systems monitor themselves to catch problems. Independent control of each drive also means two independent steering systems -- redundancy not available with traditional hydraulic steering or cable steering which is typical in gas sterndrive boats.
Computer Intelligence. Tasks like synchronizing engines and maintaining constant rpm are all much easier with computerized throttles. (Most of these advantages come with electronic engines and controls, regardless of whether the joystick is also installed.)
Retrofit and Availability. The basic sterndrive joystick system hasn't changed much since Volvo Penta introduced it in 2010. But engine choices have expanded and Volvo Penta now offers the ability to retrofit a joystick in some instances.
Intuitive Control
In our experience, in docking situations have the option of swapping a pair of shift levers for a single joystick that makes a boat mimic joystick input is the single greatest feature of the system.
This is particularly true on sterndrives. Conventional inboards can be maneuvered with shifts alone by simply centering the rudders. Large propellers of inboards make boats respond to shift alone, without adding throttle. Maneuvering twin conventional sterndrives, on the other hand, often requires juggling two shifts, two throttles and the steering wheel.
Thought-free Shifting. For new boaters, many difficulties with docking stem from the disconnect between what they want the engines to do and the actual shift and throttle positions needed to make it happen. With traditional shift and throttle, human muscle memory developed over many, many times maneuvering a boat eventually makes shifting intuitive.
A joystick eliminates that learning curve both for new captains and those moving to a larger or different boat. Twist the joystick knob and the boat twists, putting one engine in forward and another in reverse with no muscle memory needed. Pull the joystick backward just a bit and both engines engage in reverse. Pull it farther back and both engines give more throttle in reverse.
Nuanced Control. Experienced boaters likely know, simply by feel, which engine is in what gear. For them, the nuanced control the joystick provides will likely be what is noticed when first maneuvering with a joystick. Pull the joystick back and twist it just a bit to ease a boat backward and subtly rotate it at the same time -- the basic maneuver required to back into most slips. Conventional sterndrives require coordination, timing and experience reading wind and current for that maneuver. The joystick eliminates years of practice and gets it right every time.
Return to Neutral. Boats have three gears for each engine -- forward, reverse and neutral. Whether neophyte or old salt, it might be easy to tell when an engine is in forward or reverse, but sometimes neutral isn't as obvious. It's not uncommon to get a little momentum going and take an engine out of gear yet feel as if the boat is still in gear.
This is particularly true with today's quiet engines, smooth-shifting transmissions and shift levers mounted on an inclined dash so neutral isn't straight up toward the sky. But simply let go of the joystick and both engines snap to neutral at idle. Further, EVC controls beep when shifted into neutral. No looking down at levers. No guesswork.
Sideways Thrust
Sideways thrust over a boat length or more is really not used all that often in practical situations -- at least it shouldn't be. Rather than muscle a boat sideways into a strong wind or current just because it can, it's easier to approach most difficult docking situations conventionally. But there are occasions that moving a boat directly sideways is an enormous advantage.
Why Go Sideways? Boats simply aren't designed to go sideways through the water. Volvo Penta's joystick system accomplishes it quite effectively, but by using lots of horsepower to move any distance against even moderate wind. It's much more graceful to power slowly up to the dock, bow into the wind or current, secure a bow line and gently pivot the stern into the dock.
Small Corrections. Sideways thrust is better employed to move the boat inches, not yards. If the wind blows the whole boat a little too far to one side of the slip -- difficult to correct with a bow thruster and nearly impossible to correct without -- give a joystick a tap to the side to simultaneously nudge both bow and stern back to windward, without ever stopping progress into the slip.
Tight Quarters. Another time sideways thrust becomes a game changer, in our opinion, is when traversing tight quarters. Think of a narrow marina with a quick current setting down toward that 40 footer (12.19 m) sticking way out of a 35-foot slip (usually with the gnarliest-looking anchor in the marina hanging beneath the pulpit). It's a sticky situation for the best pro captains, but a joystick's go-any-which-way ability mitigates concerns.
Safety Valve. Because the joystick moves a boat whichever way it is pushed, it quickly, and intuitively overcomes any docking situation gone wrong -- knowledge that is a confidence boost for any boater, seasoned or inexperienced.
Fly-by-Wire Reliability
Collectively, the captains at BoatTEST.com have many, many days at sea aboard anything from small outboards to 200 footers (60.96 m). We've all had shift, throttle or steering systems fail, both mechanical and electronic. The simple fact is that there is more to go wrong with mechanical systems than there is with electronics.
Volvo Penta's shift and throttle electronics include built-in redundancy -- two independent control circuits in the helm and two position sensors in the steering cylinders. If a problem develops in shifts or throttles, for instance, self-monitoring computers will almost certainly catch it and return the engine to neutral and idle.
Mechanical shifts typically fail and stay in their last position -- even if it's reverse while backing into a slip. (In fact, a broken traditional shift cable might push the transmission into one gear -- either forward or reverse -- but no longer pull the cable to disengage that gear. The only immediate remedy is to shut down that engine.)
Twin Lower Unit Controls
Because joystick control hinges on a pair of sterndrives turning independently, Volvo Penta includes two independent hydraulic steering systems. Each sterndrive has its own hydraulic pump and one or more steering cylinders. If one sterndrive hydraulic steering system won't work, the other system still provides steering for the ride home.
Compare that to conventional sterndrives and steering where both engines are connected to one hydraulic steering system. If it loses fluid or pressure neither engine will steer.
Short Hydraulic Hoses
Fly-by-wire steering also means the hydraulic systems are isolated to a small area right at the stern. Conventional systems rely on long hydraulic hoses or tubing runs affected by corrosion and vibration all the way from helm to transom. (Traditional hydraulic steering relies on the steering wheel, which is actually a human-powered hydraulic pump. Power steering only amplifies the hydraulic pressure cues from that steering wheel. Some redundancy comes with dual steering stations, duplicate power steering pumps and multiple steering cylinders, but all are connected to one hydraulic system. Failures, therefore, leave a boat without steering.)
Most gas-powered boats use power-assisted cable steering.
But Does it Work?
As with anything else, the proof is in the pudding. Our test of the Joystick Sterndrive system showed that it indeed has the ability to allow for operations on a level that simply would not be possible, even from the most skilled captain in challenging situations.
In one of our tests, on the Joystick Sterndrive's test boat at the Volvo Penta test facility in fact, we first did the basics. Away from the dock we ensured that the boat followed the maneuvers of the joystick as advertised. But this system is all about providing precision.
Where Precision Counts. So then we went to the dock and brought our test boat in both port and starboard side to. Again, no problems as the boat followed the actions of the joystick perfectly. And this in both a crosswind and cross current. But we still needed more convincing.
Tight Fit.So to up the ante a bit, we brought two more boats in and laid them less than a foot off the bow and stern… clearly a situation with no margin for error. We pulled the test boat out with no hint of drifting into either of the "obstacle" boats, and then did the previously unimaginable… brought the test boat right back into the same space, with surgical precision. The system worked flawlessly.
How to Finesse
But there's more to the finesse of this sort of precision than just moving the joystick. Remember that this is not a video game. Movement of the joystick directly translates to mechanical components continually being engaged. Just as we would never shove the engine controls into forward and reverse over and over again, we also should not treat the joystick roughly.
Gentle, light fingertip controls will be the key. Move the joystick slightly, let the boat respond, and then make corrections to that momentum. Captain Steve uses a "three moves" method of joystick docking. Try to put the transmissions into gear only three times as the dock is approached. That method will allow for a more gentle, and therefore comfortable type of approach, and it works. Try it.
Computer Intelligence
Volvo Penta's Joystick Sterndrive system brings with it the company's Electronic Vessel Control, which is also available but not necessarily standard on other propulsion packages. This is more than just fly-by-wire shift and throttle. EVC integrates all engine information and allows it to be displayed on Volvo instrumentation as well as most third-party navigation displays.
Electronic Steering and Engine Control Ergonomics. Since the steering wheel and shift levers are just electronic interfaces, Volvo Penta engineers create the precise "feel" they're after.
The exact amount of resistance required to turn the steering wheel and how far the sterndrives turn with each degree the steering wheel turns, for example, no longer require precise engineering to match hydraulic components to boats and engines. Instead, Volvo Penta engineers design the wheel with the desired resistance and then tell a computer chip exactly how to respond to steering wheel movement.
The same is true of shifts and throttles, which engineers designed to provide just the right snap into gear or back into neutral, just the right resistance to the lever when advancing throttle, and decides exactly how far the lever is moved to shift the boat into gear and accelerate. (Changing any one of these variables on mechanical shifts will alter the others. Decreasing resistance, for example, usually increases the lever travel -- which is set by SAE standards -- needed to shift an engine into and out of gear, and that resistance might change as cables age.)
Powertrim Assistant automatically trims drives to one of five preset points corresponding to engine rpm. Those preset points can be tweaked through a simple menu system and manually overridden at any time.
A Few Other EVC Benefits. With EVC, captains monitor engine trim or set the computer to automatically trim engines for ideal performance. One lever can control both engines at the captain's option. Engines automatically synchronize rpm when already close.
One Button Adjusts Throttle Up or Down by Increments of 50 rpm. With each rpm or trim change, EVC shows the change right alongside the chart plotter's ETA to the destination. The list goes on.
BoatTEST Volvo video on Trip Computer.
Multiple Displays. Volvo Penta facilitates mounting the company's EVC displays in as many as six locations aboard. Each display allows several preset screens with significant yet simple user customization.
EVC information also shares with any chartplotter, radar or other equipment compatible with the NMEA 2000 standard.
Compatible with Volvo Penta's Glass Cockpit. Volvo Penta's new Glass Cockpit System allows the captain to choose what information to show and where to show it on one or several of Volvo's 8" to 19" diagonal touchscreen displays. Change displays at will to suit the task at hand, and even zoom in for a closer look at one part of a display just by spreading two fingers apart on the screen. A line of displays that are not touch screen are also available.
CAN-bus. An electronic backbone interconnects everything -- throttles, steering and displays -- simply by attaching each component to that backbone. This simplifies installation and integration of additional equipment, for example another set of controls in the cockpit of a fishing boat or the ability to view engine information on a screen elsewhere in the boat.
Retrofit and Availability
When we first reported on Volvo Penta's Joystick Sterndrive in 2010 it was available only when a boat was first built and only on gas engines from 270 through 430 horsepower.
Volvo Penta has since made joystick control available on diesel-powered sterndrives from 140 to 400-hp.
Joystick control can also be added to many vessels built with the EVC system but without joystick control when built. EVC engines with or without joystick control can also now be retrofitted to existing boats that have electronic steering. (One caveat to adding joystick controls -- many boats are now built with drives farther apart to add clearance between drives and also increase a boat's response to joysticks input.)
Differences Between IPS and Joystick Sterndrive
New Software Joystick Sterndrive isn't an adaptation of IPS. Volvo Penta developed new software for the sterndrive system. The concept is the same, but getting a boat to respond predictably to a joystick by using two sterndrives mounted close together abaft the transom is much different than getting an inboard boat to respond by using drives tucked underneath, much closer to a boat's natural pivot point.
The following features, benefits and insights are also worth noting:
Drive Differences. Other than being individually steered, joystick sterndrives are identical to conventional drives.
Progressive Throttle and Two Throttle Modes. Pushing or rotating the joystick just a little corresponds to small corrections and subtle boat movements. Pushing or rotating the joystick further increases a boat's response.
In normal docking mode, engine throttles are limited to around 1750 rpm. Volvo Penta includes a higher-power mode, too. Pressing this button limits engines to around 2150 rpm.
At first blush, joystick docking seems like it most benefits bigger boats. In fact, the basic concept was developed first for harbor tugs, research ships and oil platform service vessels.
But large boats move more slowly and predictably, and are often less affected by wind than typical 30 or 40-foot (9.14 m to 12.19 m) sterndrive boats.
Sterndrive boats actually require more user input when docking - shifts, throttles and steering than do much larger inboard-powered boats. In our opinion, this makes joystick control even more useful for sterndrives than for inboards.
For boaters on the fence as to the extra cost of joystick docking, sea trial a boat with and another without joystick control. If joystick control will ease stress when docking at the end of an otherwise perfect day, or open up new cruising destinations with the confidence of handling any docking situation or allow a spouse or kids to join in helping to dock, the choice seems pretty clear.
|Formula 310 Bowrider with Volvo Penta OceanX (2010-)
|Cobalt 323 (2013-)
|Regal 32 Express (2014-)
|Cruisers Yachts 330 Express (2011-)
|Jeanneau NC11 (2014-)
|Regal 35 Sport Coupe (2014-)
|MJM 36z (2014-)
|Formula 400 Super Sport (2010-)
|Beneteau Gran Turismo 38 (2012-)
|Beneteau Gran Turismo 44 (2012-)


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I'm thrilled to host a giveaway of the newly released book The Things That Matter by Nate Berkus with photography by Roger Davies. I can't quite believe I'm actually in it. My special thanks to Nate and Roger for a stunning book. Definitely worth buying.
It's not just lovely homes, it's the stories behind what we collect and our homes. Brace yourself: Nate recalls his life story, both funny and tragic.


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Coffee tables, contemporary dining tables, side tables and tall console tables are all included in our vast and varied collection of modern tables.
Whether iconic or innovative, large or small, modern tables offer a prime opportunity to make emphatic visual statements. A table, unlike a sofa, chair or modern bench, needs to fulfill only one requirement—provide a flat surface area—but is otherwise unencumbered by any other parameters, be it material, shape or size. For this reason, needing to shop for a modern table, irrespective of its specific function, presents an opportunity to get adventurous with your contemporary design choices.
While there's an endless range of contemporary table styles with myriad uses available at modern design stores, most of your table needs will typically fall into three categories—coffee table, modern dining table, and side or end table—and selecting each of these pieces with quality and longevity in mind will keep you from buying poorly crafted, trendy furniture that quickly outgrows both your needs and your design sensibilities.
With its central role (often literally) in a room, a striking coffee table can easily turn into a room's major star. Whether because of sheer size, interesting shape or inventive materials, a beautiful modern coffee table can be supremely functional, versatile, and visually arresting—making it a potential investment piece that's also great fun to shop for.
If your preference is for time-honored design, a modern coffee table by celebrated Mid-Century designers may be where your search should begin. But if your taste veers towards the latest technologies and work by emerging designers, your choices are even broader. Whichever you opt for, consider a contemporary coffee table with true staying power, a gift that keeps on giving, so to speak.
As with coffee tables, finding the ideal dining table is well worth the effort involved. Owing to its size, primary function, and versatility, a gorgeous modern dining table can give an ordinary dining space twice the esthetic panache that paint or even architectural details may sometimes deliver.
Because a contemporary dining table serves a primary role in both everyday life and special gatherings, taking the time to carefully select a dining table that best suits your lifestyle—formal or casual; rectangle or oval—and which also reflects your contemporary design sensibilities—is something you're not likely to ever regret.
Accent pieces that nevertheless prove both versatile and supremely functional—but typically cost less—modern side tables or end tables can round out a contemporary furniture ensemble beautifully. Much like a single, beautifully contoured chair, a perfectly placed modern end table that also happens to be well constructed and pretty can offer years, even decades, of use and joy by being compact, versatile, and suited to virtually any room in a house or apartment.


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A recent Canadian study has stated some unflattering things, to say the least, about Mother Teresa.
Kimberly Schupp-Miller stated this:
"The researchers mentioned 'her dubious way of caring for the sick, her questionable political affiliations and her overly dogmatic views about contraception, abortion and divorce. . . .'
"The study even went on to claim that Mother Teresa found it beautiful to see the poor suffer."
I am not going to pick each of those things apart, but will make a few comments.
Anybody can make someone else look bad, even Mother Teresa. Heck, lawyers frame things all the time to influence people.
Perception becomes reality.
All of us are human. All of us have flaws. Even humanitarians can fall short of society's expectations of them, and their expectations of themselves.
So, let us take a step back here and look at the objective evidence.
Mother Teresa dedicated her life to caring for the poorest of the poor. Did she make perfect judgments along the way? Nobody does.
One of the chief complaints about her was that she did not use the millions of dollars that her foundation raised to help the dying. The quote "found it beautiful to see the poor suffer" makes it sound as if she wanted that to happen.
Nobody (only God) truly knows what went through her mind, but my guess is that her "focus," for lack of a better word, was on comforting the dying.
Unfortunately, most of them were dying anyway. Maybe she felt that using the time and energy on comforting 100 dying people was better than saving five of them.
Again, nobody knows.
Further, this was a response to a question that asked, "Do you teach the poor to endure their lot?" She did not say that she taught the poor to endure their lot. She seemed to be saying that many poor are acting as Christ would want them to.
There are many millions of poor, homeless people. She knew that even with the money she raised, there was a limited amount that she could do.
Yes, she probably could have saved some people who ultimately died. Did she want them to die? Of course not. But she knew that many would, and her life was dedicated to comforting those who were likely dying.
She started with 13 members in Calcutta and it eventually grew to more than 4,000 sisters running orphanages, AIDS hospices, charity centers, etc. Do people think she gave it all to the Catholic Church?
Did she mismanage her money? Perhaps. But she was not a business woman.
If anyone wants to say she could have had better judgment with the money her charity raised, fine. I am not in agreement with that statement, but it is reasonable.
But the way some in the media and some writers are spinning this, it's that she was far from a saint.
She did not do her work for fame or money. She was committed to following Christ's teaching, and was about as nonwavering as the North Star when it came to her unconditional love for humanity.