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One girl's twistedly fantastic interpretation of what the hell is really going on in those tribes.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The Pleasure Dome
Father God, oh Father God, I beseech you to guide and protect me through the act of writing this blog today. In Jesus' name I pray. Heavenly father, no offense or anything, but why are you such a camera whore? I mean, seriously. You created the heavens, you created the seas, you created the mountains, but that wasn't enough for you, was it? Now you have to poke your giant bearded head into all of my shows and wave your craggly finger around in all of our faces. Stop it, just stop it! You're probably like, "It's not my fault. Those Survivors keep paging me!" to which I say, "I guess you have a point", but still... Surely you're busy sometimes, right? I mean, you can't possibly be everywhere at once all the time or... can you? Ughhhh! Alright fine, whatever, you win. God - 1, Lala - 0 Let's recap, shall we?
Under the cover of night we begin the slow winding down of our South Pacific tale. The alliance of five created way back when on day one is now the last alliance standing. All five have survived and they're very pleased that they've accomplished exactly what it is they set out to do. With smiles on their faces and whoops filling the night sky, the final five link arms and dance under the stars. Pan pipes, tambourines, bongos... the whole shebang! Merriment personified. That is, until Lil Hantz remembers who is really responsible for all of this. With a megaphone in one hand and a crucifix in another, the short stocky balding man climbs up on a log, waves his arms frantically, and shouts, "Let's pray! Let's pray!" Ugh. Sophie rolls her eyes in the darkness and our remaining Survivors solemnly thank season 23's real star for getting them this far in the game. All seems peaceful on the outside. All appears soft and fluffy. But really there's a Judas under the surface. It's Albert. Blank faced, monotone voiced Albert who thinks he has this entire game wrapped up. His big plan this week is to get rid of Sophie. Well, if it's like any of Albert's other plans, Sophie will be just fine.
After a fitful night's sleep, a new day dawns and Albert is ready to put his "Get Sophie Out" plan into motion. The thing with Sophie is that she's dangerous. She wins Immunity Challenges, she's smart, and she's well spoken while Albert is kind of a bumbling figure in the background. While he's spending all of his time down in his lab surrounded by beakers and bubbling pots of colorful liquids trying to come up with various formulas to win, Sophie is actually mingling and becoming friends with the remaining Tunas. So, with a new formula in his pocket, shifty-eyed Albert approaches Rancher Rick and says, "Um so yeah I see the two of us going to the end together." Rancher Rick silently nods while Albert thinks to himself, "I've got this thing locked up!" You see, Albert thinks that Rancher Rick is the least dangerous in this game. He's not strategic, he's not winning, and he does little more than feed the cows day in and day out. In Albert's perfect world, he'd like to go the end with Rancher Rick and Coach. This self-proclaimed "rogue" (ok Sarah Palin) is under the impression that ass kissing for jury votes is actually aggressive game play. Maybe it is. *shrugs shoulders* Who am I to say? Maybe transparent weasel wear does indeed fool people. I have no idea. Maybe the emperor really was wearing new clothes.
And this brings us to the big duel between that decimal point, Edna, and god of the sea, Ozzy. For today's duel, Survivors will race to complete a slide puzzle. Once the puzzle is completed, it will release a hatchet. Survivors will then use the hatchet to chop a rope and release a bag of colored cubes. Once the duelers have their cubes, they must stack them so there are no repeating colors on any side. Survivors ready, go.
The duel begins with tiny-armed Edna struggling to push the puzzle pieces into place. With biceps the size of marbles, she moves at a snail's pace while Ozzy has already completed his puzzle and chopped down his rope. Edna giggles to herself as Ozzy tears into his bag of cubes and I can't for the life of me figure out what's so freaking funny. Even Dimples yells at her to focus.
And then, on cue, on time, like clockwork, Albert starts hollering tips to Edna from the stands. It took me a second, but then it finally hit me. He's helping for votes! In the past I always assumed that he really didn't want Ozzy to win, but now it's as clear as gin. Albert helping the losers on Rhode Island (Redemption Island) is his way of making a last minute favorable impression on them. I don't know if the other Tunas realize what he's doing, but they too begin shouting instructions to Edna and she's finally able to finish the puzzle and move on to the cubes.
With a seemingly huge lead, Ozzy has almost all of his cubes stacked. Cool as a cucumber, without a care in the world, Ozzy twirls his mustache and contemplates where to put his next cube. Meanwhile frantic laser point Edna is flitting around like a drunk fairy. She heaves the cubes up onto the table and inevitably that interminable Albert leaps to her aid. "Green! Green! Move the green one!" Then Sophie starts shouting, "You have too many blues!" Rancher Rick hiccups, "Howdy pard'ner" as Brandon bellows, "Pray on it!" It's a cacophony of craziness which, most likely, only serves to make Edna even more scattered.
With an entire row of reds, Edna shouts, "Jeff! Jeff! Check me!" Dimples does a 'Pfft!" with a flick of his wrist as Ozzy finally begins to feel the heat. We see it in a flash, a mere glimpse, but it was there. That unmistakable moment of panic across Ozzy's face where it dawns on him that he's not the unbeatable king of the world. It was only there for a second and we'll probably never see it again (which is why I freeze framed on it and threw glitter around the room for a good half hour), but I'll always have the memory of its existence. After the panic leaves and Edna gets rejected, Ozzy blazes forward and boom, bam, done... OZZY STAYS ALIVE! Grrr.
(For the record, I knew 100% that Ozzy would win. Despite the trickery promos and my dreams of an upset, Ozzy updated his Facebook last week with one simple sentence that pretty much spoiled the entire duel for me. He said, "Good luck Edna." Now, knowing what I know of Ozzy (that he's an arrogant dick), that was about as spoilery as spoilers get. It was the equivalent of pointing a finger and laughing at Edna for even trying to beat him. I demand the Survivor Council of Spoilers fine him eleventeenth million dollars and make it a law that he can never appear on the show again.)
Back at Tuna Tartare (TeTuna) the mood is bleak. Everyone is bummed and downtrodden. With heads down they kick the sand and sit in silence. The silence is finally broken when Lil Hantz creeps up to Albert and checks in on the strength of their alliance. Albert assures Brandon that their alliance is solid and that they'll both be going to the end with Coach. Wait a tic, hold up. Didn't Albert tell Rancher Rick that he wants to go to the final three with him too? Hmmm *strokes chin* I sure hope no one finds out. *giggles to self* With carefree arms swung limply behind his head, Albert whispers to Brandon that they need to get rid of Sophie next. Brandon nods excitedly and assures Albert that they'll totally be going to the end together. They've got God on their side! With an alliance partner like God, nothing can go wrong. *thunderclaps in the distance*
Meanwhile Sophie is lying supine in the shelter worrying about Ozzy. He's over in his Rhode Island Pleasure Dome fattening up all the losers before they skip on out of the game. Sophie worries that he's not only spreading his seed far and wide, but that he's gathering a few Jury votes along the way as well. She tells Coach that they have to send Brandon to Rhode Island next. A) Brandon is a loose cannon weirdo and B) Brandon actually might be able to beat Ozzy and take him out of the game once and for all. Sophie pitches her plan to Rancher Rick who then tips his hat and mutters, "Sure lil lady."
After a four hour nap, Albert rises and begins to put one of his many plans into motion. He approaches Coach and pleads with him to see how much of a threat Sophie is. Coach, however, knows what the real deal is - Albert is uncomfortable knowing that Sophie is smarter than him. She's not the quiet little mouse Albert thought she was and now Albert must destroy her. Through meditation, prayer, and shooting arrows at the sun, Coach is thinking and seeing more clearly than he ever has in his life. He knows what the dilly-o is. He knows the secret agendas burbling beneath the surface. Whether it's his Kundalini or his Katra, Coach is embracing his inner voice, his inner self, his inner calm. That inner Coach-ness is telling Coach that if they keep going the way they're going, Brandon will win this game hands down. Albert stammers in protest while Coach coolly chuckles to himself and says, "You don't understand how the Jury works. It's a totally different animal."
Speaking of animals, here comes Brandon. "What are you guys talking about? You talking about me? What are you planning? Did you make a new alliance? Honor, integrity, God!" Coach peers through hooded eyes and tells him they were talking about the Jury. Brandon lifts an eyebrow and says, "I don't think so sonny jim." Oh no he di-in't! Coach leaps up out of the hammock and grabs Brandon by his tattoos, 'Don't you bully me! Stop acting like Russell! Don't you know it's rude to interrupt people when they're talking?!" Brandon's lower lip starts to quiver as he says, "That wasn't very nice what you said about Russell." Coach collapses back into the hammock in the lotus position and reluctantly apologizes. Brandon hangs his head in shame and quietly says, "Please give me a hug man." Clearly, Brandon doesn't realize how hard it is to untangle oneself from the lotus. Regardless, Coach sighs dramatically and rises to give Brandon a hug. Brandon nestles his face in Coach's chest and whispers, "Sorry."
Coach steals away by himself, or so he thinks, to tell the camera (and us) once again how the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. No matter what Brandon does or says, he'll always have that Hantz blood in his veins. Meeting the young lad's father last week has only made Coach all the more certain of what his next move has to be. Then, out of nowhere, Brandon leaps out of a bush, "Peek a boo! Want some coconut?" Coach mimes vomiting and says, "I can't eat anymore fucking coconut." Brandon drops the coconut into the dirt as he curls up to Coach and whispers, "Cheer up brother. God has it all under control." He's a lost little lamb now, this Brandon. A meek and weirdo shell of the misogynist he used to be. I miss the squirrelly lustful Brandon of yesteryear. At least that Brandon had thoughts of his own - dirty, filthy, whoring thoughts filled with nipple clamps and ball gags, but thoughts nonetheless! This smaller, thinner, chaste thing we have before us now would happily follow Jim Jones into the afterlife. Christ, he'd be the one filling the cups for everyone and shooting the syringes into the kids mouths.
And that brings us to the Immunity Challenge. Come on in guys! This week Survivors must climb a massive wall and collect bags of puzzle pieces. With each bag they'll go further up the wall. Once all the bags are gathered, the pieces will be sorted into pairs. The pieces that don't fit into a pair will reveal a number code that they will then use to unlock a box and raise their flag. First person to raise their flag wins Immunity. In addition to Immunity, players are also competing for a Reward of pizza and garlic bread. Survivors ready, go!
Brandon and Rancher Rick fly out of the gate and nab their first bags before anyone else even makes it up the wall. Sophie and Coach get their bags next with Albert lagging somewhere in the distance. Brandon, with feet like a spider monkey (or Satan) continues to dominate the challenge grabbing back after bag after bag. Rancher Rick manages to stay hot on his heels and I think we're all pleasantly surprised by our resident cowboy. Sophie and Coach manage to stay neck in neck with each other while Albert awesomely somersaults down the wall into a pile of bones on the sand.
Hunched over and with his low center of gravity, Brandon climbs higher and higher up the wall to retrieve his final bag. Miraculously, Rancher Rick is still in this as he too begins to work on his puzzle. Coach follows them in third, but Lil Hantz is on a Hantzian roll. The pattern of the pieces looked like a fetching tartan plaid to me, but it somehow managed to make sense to young Brandon as he quickly matches up the pairs and heads back to the top of the wall. Coach heads up the wall as well, but it's too little too late as BRANDON WINS IMMUNITY!!! Could it be that God is on Brandon's side after all? Wouldn't that be a kick in the vag?
After the appropriate 15 minutes of thanking Jesus for his win, Brandon ends his assault on the heavens with some gangsta taps to his heart and then a fist to the sky. I mean, I'm sure God listens to hip hop, right? Anyhow, Brandon is now forced to pick someone to eat pizza with him. I thought, without question, that Brandon would pick Coach. After the whole hammock fight, I figured he had a lot more sucking up to do, but no! He picks Rancher Rick to join him. He swears it wasn't a strategic decision, but honey, that was all strategy. Rick isn't in Brandon's final three alliance. That was an Albert move if ever I saw one.
Back at camp Sophie is musing over how the worst case scenario happened today. In a quick tete a tete with Coach, they agree, just as he's slithering into their area, that sneaky Albert needs to go next. Sophie rises as Albert sits and under the guise of wanting to smell the pizza, she steals away to go tell Brandon and Rancher Rick that Albert will be going home next. Rick throws his hat in the ring and agrees wholeheartedly. He tells Brandon and Sophie how earlier Albert approached him to make sure they were going to the end together. Listening to this, Brandon's ears start to blow steam and his head starts to turn purple. He yanks bite after bite off of the pizza crust and wonders to himself if he's been duped all along. Can it be true? Has Albert been making other deals behind his back? What about honor and integrity?!
Mid digestion, Brandon asks Albert if he went up to Rancher Rick and tried to make a deal yesterday. Albert stutters and stammers, "Umm uh I uh never uh turned against you." That right there should have been a big red flag to Brandon, but as Brandon is about as adept as reading people as Helen Keller would have been reading this here blog, Brandon drags Albert to the center of camp and defends him to both Rick and Sophie. Albert says, "Yeah! I never said nothing bad against Brandon." Rancher Rick shakes his head slowly back and forth and says, "Well now that's just not true. You told me yesterday you wanted to go to the end together." Albert points and cries, "Liar!" And then a 3 foot wooden nose grew out of his face. Rancher Rick throws his cowboy hat in the sand and says, "You lyin' out yer ass! Don't you lie to me!" *bites fist* Punch him, punch him!
Albert stutters some more and it finally dawns on Brandon that maybe his best good friend here isn't telling the truth after all. Brandon says, "You just told me you didn't make any other deals!" Albert replies, "Imma uh I um I... why is homina homina his word uh better than mine?!" Meanwhile Sophie is sitting on the sidelines giggling to herself much like I was giggling into my gin fizzy. I had bubbles up my nose and some drool on my shirt, but I didn't care! Finally that insufferable Albert is caught in his own web of lies. Awful though he may be, he's not dumb. He knows he has to somehow get Brandon back over on his side in order to maintain safety for tonight.
At home I laughed and I laughed. I thought to myself, "Good luck with that sucker!" and then I dipped my breasts one by one into my awaiting bowls of glitter. There is no way that Brandon will forgive someone for such deception, right? Right?!? Wrong. Never has a moral compass been so wonky. I can never find true north! And now I'm stuck at the nexus of the universe wondering which way is up and which way is down... with glittery ta ta's no less!
So while Brandon sits whittling either a pitchfork or a scythe out of a giant piece of driftwood, Albert begs Brandon not to close his heart to him. Oh puh-lease. But, you know what? Albert is totally speaking Brandon's language. That heart crap is right up his alley. But it's when Albert says, "You're making me look like a bad dude" that the deal is cemented. Brandon blurts out, "I'm not voting you. In fact, I'll give you my Immunity necklace." Then they collapse together in the sand to pray. *smacks self in head* Someone come over here and wash this glitter of my boobs. Scrub really hard because I don't want a trace of that shit left behind.
Brandon then goes marching over to Coach and tells him that God spoke to him and dropped some game advice on him... "Yo Brando! What's up buddy? Dude, you gots ta keep Albs in the game yo. And while you're at it, give him that necklace you got. Werd. Peace out." Rrrright. Brandon prays that Coach understands his decision and he knows that Coach would never vote him out, would never do anything to hurt him. Coach just sort of sighs and if there was a thought bubble above his head, it would read: ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME?
Brandon insists that this is what God wants them to do. Coach quickly corrects him and says, "No, this is what God wants you to do." Oh ho ho! I like that. Sneaky, sneaky. Coach says he'll need some time to pray to God himself and see what the ole guy upstairs has to say. "Uh, hello God?" A booming voice bellows, "Brandon! Brandon! Brandon!" "Ok cool, thanks." Coach looks up satisfied and says, "I know what I have to do now." And there you go. The power of prayer.
And this brings us to the latest episode of the Bellevue Diaries... I mean, Tribal Council. With no hesitation Brandon blurts out, "I want to give my Immunity Necklace up." Dimples' jaw hits the floor and Cochran starts giggling over on the Jury. Coach strokes his beard furiously as we hear the plop plop plop of Brandon's tears hitting the sand.
And this is where we finally find out about Brandon's checkered past. You see, he was in the Jets or the Sharks but when it came time for the big fight number no one showed up and he had perform a solo. It was embarrassing for the young lad. All of those finger snaps and leaps all by himself. He wasn't prepared for that. So, ever since then, he never dances alone anymore. And that's why he's loyal to a fault - to a giant stinking festering fault.
Dimples listens to all of this and says, "But Albert is your competitor!" Albert interjects with, "I've always believed that there was a higher purpose to this game." Oh. Shut. Up. Just sit there with your necklace and shut up.
Dimples then asks Albert if he'll take off the necklace right now for Brandon as a show of good faith, as proof of this "higher purpose". Albert frantically glue guns the necklace to his skin and says, "Uh I don't think God wants me to do that. I'll hang onto it." A pained look of defeat covers Brandon's face as he admits that he is no longer at peace with his decision. The struggle, the turmoil, within this kid is unreal. I still maintain that he was never medically sound enough to be on this show in the first place. I get what he's trying to do. I see that he really believes that he's doing the right thing. The problem is, along the way, he's getting taken advantage of. And when all of this is said and done, he'll emerge more damaged, more bitter, and more closed up than he was when the game started. So, we bid adieu to young Brandon as he is the 15th person voted out of Survivor South Pacific.
So, what did you guys think? Is Ozzy earning votes over on his Pleasure Dome? Did Coach totally fake talking to God? Will Brandon beat Ozzy in the duel? Who do you want to win Survivor South Pacific? Comment it out bitches and have a great day! If you've enjoyed what I've done this season, I ask that you please click on my PayPal link and show a girl some love. I'll meet you guys back here on Monday for my final blog of the season. See you then!
36 comments:
I just wanna see the glitter on those breasts...LOLReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 5:21 PM
I know the people on here don't want to hear this but actually Brandon is the ONLY one with honor and integrity on the show.. Coach is just a fake. I am with you on wondering if he didn't just pass his decision to cut Brandon's throat off on his fake praying to God. He will pay for putting this on God so he takes no responsibility. I for one hope Brandon wins the 100,000.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 6:07 PM
Is it weird that I hope either Sophie or Rick wins. Ozzy is a dick, Coach is fake, Albert is playing too many strategies at once and then throws everyone else "under the bus" to quote Rick, about it, and Brandon is just...Brandon.ReplyDelete
I'd prefer Sophie win over Rick because she's actually done more playing of the game than Rick has, or from what we're seeing. But neither of them have really caused too much unnecessary drama in comparison to their tribe mates. They are much more pleasant to watch than everyone else.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 6:28 PM
I just donated a fiver. I want to say it's for your charm and wit, the entertainment of your words... but really.. it was the way you dunked your boobs in glitter for us. Glittery ta-tas are a quick way for me to reach for my (paypal) wallet. Email me some pics of them as thanks, LaLa! And nice write up... though you kind of rushed through the bullshit at Tribal Council and Coach's hypocritical actions and manipulation.ReplyDelete
Note to self... More nudity. Sex sells.ReplyDelete
Brandon - I hope they keep some Thorazine on hand. That boy totally needs it.ReplyDelete
Coach - The god thing? Total bullshit. But it works. He came, no one wanted anything to do with him. He observed, saw they were all willing to go along with Brandon in his God delusion and even after having voted that moron out, he'll have his vote. Cause it was all about god. Coach is a master manipulator. If he makes the final 3 (and Ozzy doesn't) he'll pull a Rob and win it.
Albert - Oh, just go away already.
Rick - Who? If he's in the final 3, his response will be, "My strategy was to stay under the radar". Oh, shut up. You just coat tailed. Go away too.
Sophie - I'd love her to win
Ozzy - if he makes the 3, he could well take it. He has his tribe's votes, and he fed and was nice to everyone who came through. He could get it, despite his total douche-itude. Course, maybe then he's just quietly disappear. That could only be good.
Lala pleez, don't mention glitter and tatas again. Now we can't get a decent response from the male responders. They lost you at tatas. Anyway....this was a great episode. Finally! "With an entire row of reds, Edna shouts Jrff Jeff" I love it! Glad to see her go.ReplyDelete
I'm just wondering what kind of lives these people live when Coach says something like "My soul has never grieved like it does now" Are you kidding me, the game of survivor is the most soul grieving moment of your life?.....I am so over these drama queens.
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 7:25 PM
Totally LOL! Your blog is halarious. We couldn't make these scenarios up that are happening on this show. And we wonder why the country is so phucked up, look at the inhabitants. All said and done, Ozzy is the only deserving contestant to win the $$. Brandon,Cockroah,and the remaining dicks only deserve the wrath of god.ReplyDelete
Your opening paragraph was oh so clever.ReplyDelete
I'd like to mention that I don't think the survivors should be able to help the dualers. What good is a "dual" if one has 5 people on their side? Doesn't make sense to me and I am surprised the show allows it.
You always talk about how Ozzy is so arrogant. But that guy walks the walk. I think he deserves to be arrogant. He's pretty awesome at everything. At least he isn't just running his mouth about something he can't measure up to. He's amazing. And although he bugged me during the game at times with a different type of arrogance, (like how comfortable he was at camp), I am kind of rooting for him to come back in the game.
The whole part were Brandon asked Coach for a hug was weird. You are right, that kid belongs in Bellevue. BUT, I think he was already nervous at that point, and was trying to cement their relationship so that Coach wouldn't vote him off despite was God told him to do. Pulease!
Albie really did speak Brandon's language.I thought it was a nifty trick to pull out of his hat at that moment. It was smart of Albert. Talk about arrogant, he's arrogant and he can't even back up his game. Just another example of why I think Ozzy deserves to be arrogant.
I don't think Ozzy is garnering votes on his Pleasure Dome. Remember when Cochran was there? Ozzy just offended him because Ozzy came right out and said something about getting his vote at final tribal. I think Ozzy's head is too big to garner votes. I think he probably brags about how much food he has eaten, how well he sleeps, etc. to scare them before the dual. I don't see him kissing ass, but I've been known to be wrong before.
I was deeply annoying how much air time God is getting on this season. I hope they do a better job of screening cast members next season and try to find 16 people that aren't so devoted to God. God has way more important things to do than help you win immunity or tell you who to vote for.
At this point I am rooting for Sophie to be the sole survivor! I hope it's not Coach. And I'm certain it won't be Albert, I think he's gone next week unless he wins immunity.
Loved the post. I think it was one of your best. I loved "evict brandon my son". ha ha
again, my dear, you have been the best part of this season of survivor. i wish i were rich instead of talented and handsome, for i would deposit a russel hantz-sized chunk of change in your paypal account. instead, if you're ever in c-town i will personally wash any and all unwanted glitter from your breasts while i feed you gin-soaked vicodin cookies. thanks for the laughs, lala.ReplyDelete
Oh please. Brandon is just using God to make himself look good. Every move he makes is a 'hero' move and the pious pity parties he throws in his honor are gross. It's so obvious what he is doing. He wants us all to think he is the anti-Hantz so badly that he is willing to make an ass of himself to prove it. There must be some pretty nasty skeletons in his closet that he is trying to exorcise! And Coach is just as bad, although I do believe he is purposely using God to do his dirty work. I knew God would 'tell' him to vote out Brandon just as sure as I knew he was too weasly to own up to it as his own doing. Sophie is the only one actually playing on her own, with no deity to back her up. I respect that. At this point, I hope she wins it all.ReplyDelete
I guess it is just beyond my ability to comprehend. But why would anyone actually believe that God (He, She, or They, depending on your theology) has any interest whatsoever in who plays, much less wins, the game of Survivor? I read the newspaper. I watch television. There are plenty of important things going on around this planet that really require the attention of this God, and I would question the sanity of any deity who spent a single moment contemplating who should win immunity and who needs to be voted out at tribal council. I mean, honestly. Why can't folks just accept that they are out in the world pretty much alone, and it is through their own accomplishments and failures that their fates are shaped? These people who believe that God is interested in every detail of their life need to spend some time in a lock-down facility because they are on one hell of an ego trip. Just go play the damned game and see what happens. If you win, be proud of yourself. If you lose, learn from your mistakes. And get on with life. God may be a lot of things. But I'm pretty sure that micro-manager is not one of them.ReplyDelete
You are brilliant! I wish I had been following your blog all along, as you have some terrific insight ... cheers to you, my glittery tata confederate!ReplyDelete
my take is less salty, but I'd love you to check it out at:
Did anyone else notice when Brandon was doing the whole chest tap sky pointing thing, the editors slipped in what sounded like a church bell? Happened twice I think. I found that to be hilarious. If Brandon were to stick around any longer we could potentially have a new drinking game!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 10:37 PM
You should have talked about Brandon's immunity necklace prophetically disengaging itself from Albert's neck... lolReplyDelete
Somehow, after Albert and Coach have been called out tonight for milking Brandon's delusions of God and loyalty,it seems that Rick might actually win this. Sophie is as usual astute and safe to be in final three.
- AnonymousDecember 16, 2011 at 2:52 AM
OZZY is the Only Player that Actually plays the Game.Rick:He is just Old and never won a single challenge.Sophie was one of my favorites,but can`t get so much points as Ozzy.Coach:The great Manipulator...he did nothing for Jury Votes....why should someone vote for him?Albert: He is just one unpleasant Individual..The Big Strategy....his play was no good.ReplyDelete
So OZZY must be the winner:He has for sure the 5 SAVAII votes+ 1 maybe form Cochran + 1 from Edna (not sure about that) and if Brandon looses he will vote OZZY too....his tribe betrayed him in every way!.....So : GO OZZY
- AnonymousDecember 16, 2011 at 10:03 AM
You have set the bar for blog writing.ReplyDelete
Your talent puts me in a state of awe.
A new category needs to be set up for the Pulitzer Prize: Blog Master.
I know you already have a job now.
But with mastery like yours, someday your name will well known everywhere.
God told me.
Made a donation earlier this week...$25.00. Love your Work/craft/art. Thanks for the laughs!ReplyDelete
Thanks Peanut! I appreciate it.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 16, 2011 at 12:03 PM
they need to stop bring back former players, this season and last season is the wrost ever!ReplyDelete
This could possibly be your greatest blog of the season Miss Lala. You have had so much this season to work with, so many characters.ReplyDelete
This episode was so full of it leading up to the Tribal Council, I just cannot get out of my head the picture of Lil Hantz interrupting Dimples and saying he is given up immunity, it would not be funny if it was someone else but it was damn hilarious coming from him.
Coach is a hypocrite, he claims to be a Christian man, makes promises and then pretends to pray to God for guidance in how to vote, what a load of bullshit Coach. Firstly why cannot Coach make up his own mind, then he tells Brandon that God has told him what he should do, coincidentally it is the very same thing that he wanted prior to Immunity challenge and prior to the 10 second prayer.
Now if anyone did cast that third vote for Brandon, it was not Coach but it was God, that is Coach's story and he is sticking to it.
Personally I hope Ozzy or Sophie win the game, I can hear people now if Ozzy wins, he did not deserve it because he was on Rhode Island etc etc but everyone should cast their minds back one season and everyone wanted Matt back in and go on to reach final three.
Once again, great blog great season and I look forward to your offering post Finale.
If I could just say one final thing, thanks for posting this and every blog to my Fan Page. It's well received.
- Mike in NYCDecember 16, 2011 at 2:19 PM
I am immune to the glitter references, as I only watch the show during breaks from listening listening to Chita Rivera albums and buying Hummel figurines, if you know what I mean.ReplyDelete
But I was completely captivated with the Martyrdom of St. Brandon, which I hope is soon followed by his bodily assumption into heaven. God bless the crazy little monkey, I will miss him. There was a time when I hoped he would chew Edna's face off.
I detest Coach and his vaguely Larry Ellison-Ninja hair, but worry that we will see him up against the Oz in the finale, in a kind of Godzilla vs. Mothra showdown, hopefully with Coach going down after being clocked by the butterfly spittle-ray.
Love your blog, Sweet Pea, will make a small donation, which you can only use to purchase a bottle of Lancer's Port for the last show.
Marcellus & Erik redux. Sure, I'll give up the POV/Necklace.ReplyDelete
Don't they ever learn?
Ah, Goddess Lala! You have once again filled with prose for the Gods, sent down for us mere mortals to savor! What on the surface could have been perceived as trivial boringness, is revealed for all its intricacies and wonder! And what was thought to be spiritually ordained is so far proven to be stupidity at its worst! But it all leaves us with just one question: Does Lala really throw glitter around her room and drink gin fizzys late into the night? No matter - it was an excellent recap!ReplyDelete
Praise the Lord, and pass the Kool-Aid. Poor, pathetic Brandon. He only wants to clear the Hantz name. He may never be invited to a family reunion again. Great blog, as usual Lala.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 17, 2011 at 5:45 PM
From now on it's Colette Ta Ta! Praise the Lord!ReplyDelete
- Coach Jim Jones?December 18, 2011 at 10:52 AM
God is technicolor.... God is groovy... God is love...
I love you... my child... my love.
you are so beautiful... you are connected... you are knowing... you are one with the universe... with me.
can you feel the chi?
it's there... trust me.
you can't feel it?
it is being denied to you!
This is the work of the Dark Ones.
The Dark Ones are denying you...
kill them.
kill them all.
murder is a privilege for the elite...
for the blessed feelers of the chi.
my child.
my love.
I hereby release you from the morality of ordinary men.
what is within must become without...
stop crying my love.
you must be strong...
here, drink this kool-aid...
you know what must be done.
now go.
oh, and Brandon?
on your way back can you grab me a cherry slurpee?
No, wait!
make that a grape slurpee.
thankyou my child.
I love you.
Oh... and remember...
it is GOD'S WILL that you vote for me.
well, YOU rationalise Brandon's behaviour then. Good fucking luck glittery tits!
I am going to get nice and loaded for the finale.
I hope Sophie wins.
I really want to donate but you make it too obvious you like Sophie and I just don't know if I can support that. She acts like she better/smarter then everyone else and she really hasn't done anything...I guess I'll decide based on how your next blog is written.ReplyDelete
I've made it obvious I like Sophie? Huh. That's news to me.ReplyDelete
- yours trulyDecember 18, 2011 at 8:33 PM
Can you hear my finger tapping as Meryl Streep fades into ???? I'm so ready for the finale and my bathtub is empty of gin, the glitter is far away on a distant wind.ReplyDelete
Sophie might have won if they hadn't fuzzed her side boob in the last show. She probably needs a good scrubbing too.
Get ready to rumble, bitches.
All my love from the East Coast of the USA.
Speaking of glitter on boobs...how bout when Sophie had her boob hanging out of her shirt and nobody said anything to her....i bet Sophie wanted to have some of ur glitter sprayed on her boob, lol....☺.....ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 10:51 PM
just learned who the winner is - how horribly disappointing!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 10:30 AM
Random thoughts:ReplyDelete
I've known women like Sophie, and it wasn't fun. The personality type is arrogant, self absorbed, and bully's. I could not believe when she told Albert during the "stacking" challenge to remove himself from the challenge and help HER!! What a bitch!!
- Wonder how Albert felt having not received not even one vote. I would have rather he won than Sophie.
- Glad that Coach got the tongue lashing he deserved.
- I love Ozzy. Of course he should have won, but at least he did win Fan Favorite.
-Brandon needs an intervention, but not sure who in his world is stable enough to stage it.
- Cochran is still a slimy cockroach.
- AnonymousDecember 19, 2011 at 12:03 PM
I have to respond to the last anonymous. It's only called bitchy when women do that; when men do that it's called decisive. If Probst had allowed it, Albert helping Sophie would have been the smartest move for Albert to make.ReplyDelete
The most self-absorbed player in the final 3 was Albert as he literally had no idea what anyone felt nor how he comes across. I feel sorry for his dating clients. Either Coach or Sophie winning would've made me happy with the preference for Sophie since she was the most self aware.
Thank you Lala for another season of delicious commentary!
I don't think that Sophie was a bitch during the card-stacking. I think it was smart strategy if CBS would allow them to help to each other. And if she won, Albert would've been absolutely safe. ...Yes, she was 'short' with him--but it was a tense moment.ReplyDelete
Now a *real* bitch move was Albert following Sophie around on the final challenge course. As I see it, he could only have been doing it on purpose. He wanted Sophie to lose the challenge. He knew that if Sophie won the final challenge, the jury would see her as a much stronger player. (I think he knew that he was going to end up in the Final 3, no matter what. So if he couldn't win the final challenge, he could at least hold Sophie back.)
I'm not amused that the jury members put up with arrogance and social awkwardness in the men--but a woman is still expected to act with complete social grace (in a game where 'survive' means 'f*ck your brother').
I love that Sophie is confidant. But it's obvious she's also lived a life with a good amount of social awkwardness: the shoulders make it obvious. The shoulders also tell me she is not over-confidant/bratty/bitchy.
It was a glittery fun season, bitches. Can't wait for the biggest highlight of all: CoLa's finale blog!!!
Great write-up/wrap-up for the season! Now, to comment the game:ReplyDelete
I would be remiss not to point out that NOT taking Sophie out at the last tribal council was one of the biggest strategic blunders I've ever seen. Had Coach, Rick, and Albert all drawn their guns, pointed, and fired blank range at Sophie, only one person would have gotten blamed --> Ozzy. Yes, it would have been cruel, it would have been cold, it would have been merciless. But it would have been brilliant. Kudos to Sophie for winning.
Brandon... After posting last week and reflecting for a day or two, I really wanted to say that while his strategy of giving his idol away was not the best move (and not the first time it's been done), he is the kind of person who I would want covering my back, whether it was in a dark alley or in a business deal, anywhere and any time. That kind of loyalty is not easily found, and when you do find it, it's like finding a priceless gem among a mountain of coal.
Now, tis the season for Survivor to be over and we'll all have to wait until next year to again make our Survivor posts. Merry Christmas to all, till then!
PS. That was the most beautiful glitter...


text:
Best definition
A Slovenian runescape player with a name roughly translated as 'pk god'. Famous for player killing around the Edgeville area,
and particularly his videos of such events. Lokini2 has various other talents, including dancing also recorded on video, and the ability to buy and sell an ags at a rate quicker than most people can blink an eye. Anyone wishing to catch sight of Lokini2 would be wise to spend their time around Edgeville pvp worlds, but beware a sudden death upon his appearance.
I caught a glimpse of Lokini2, shortly before his ags sent me on a one way journey to Lumbridge!
I wish I could dance like that Lokini2, he has the moves maaan!

subset: commoncrawl


text:
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CALI Lessons have a new look and are finally compatible with tablets and smartphones like iPads and iPhones. (Details of CALI Lesson upgrades.)
CALI Lessons are interactive, computer-based tutorials provided by the nonprofit Center for Computer-Assisted Legal Instruction. There are more than 800 lessons to help you study 32 different legal subject areas at cali.org.
Lessons are completely free for Chicago-Kent law students. The tutorials are great for mastering course material during the semester and for studying for exams.
When registering a new account at cali.org, you must use the Chicago-Kent authorization code to create an account. Ask a law librarian for the CALI authorization code.
You only need to use the school's authorization code once. After that, you may log in at cali.org using the username and password you created during initial registration.
Good luck with the rest of the semester!
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text:
12:30 am
NHK Newsline NULL
1:00 am
Nature "The Mystery of Eels" Though much of the natural world is discovered and understood, a few mysteries remain. Consider the eel - snakelike and slimy, with a row of jagged teeth. Yet aside from these fearsome qualities, we know little about this creature from the sea.G
2:00 am
Alan Alda in Scientific American Frontiers "You Can Make It On Your Own" Host Alan Alda sees how villagers in rural India are able to use computers to monitor the quality of their food and water. He visits with children who use computers to write and play music.G
3:00 am
NASA Sci Files "The Case of Zany Animal Antics" Concerned about an injured animal, the tree house detectives decide to learn more about animals and their care. They visit NASA Ken-nedy Space Center and its nearby Merritt Island National Wildlife Refuge to meet biologists and ecologists to learn about endangered species, the classification and life cycles of animals, migratory patterns, habitats, and much more.G
4:00 am
Earth Revealed: Introductory Geology "The Sea Floor" Examines major sea-floor features: the mid-oceanic ridge, oceanic trenches and fracture zones.G
4:30 am
Democracy In America "Global Politics: U.S.A. and the World" This program examines the need for the United States to use the tools of foreign policy in ways that recognize the growing interdependence of nations. D
5:00 am
NHK Newsline NULL
5:30 am
Connect with English "Unexpected Offers/The Audition" After an exam, Rebecca goes to the audition with her friend Bill and the studio manager invites Rebecca to sing - she performs "Dreamcatcher."G
6:00 am
6:30 am
Clifford The Big Red Dog "Clifford's Hiccups/It's My Party" Clifford gets a bad case of the hiccups and that's a real problem with a dog the size of Clifford! His dog friends work together to come up with various remedies for Clifford. They are not successful and the hiccups eventually go away on their own. But Clifford expresses to his friends how good it feels to know they care so much about him. D
7:00 am
Arthur "Dear Adil/Bitzi's Break-Up" Dear Adil - Arthur's worried that his letters to his new Turkish pen pal, Adil, will be boring. After all, how can Elwood City compare to Arthur's fantastical ideas about Turkey, where he imagines Adil riding a camel to school . and eating lambs-eyes! But are Arthur's notions about Adil's life even close to the truth? Bitzi's Break-Up - Bitzi's breaking up with her boyfriend and Buster is really sad. D
7:30 am
Martha Speaks "Martha: Secret Agent Dog, Part 1 & 2" Martha: Secret Agent Dog, Part 1 - Martha is on a super secret mission to find out who's trying to steal the formula for Granny's soup. Can Martha stop the crooks before they put Granny Flo - and Martha's speaking voice - out of commission? Vocabulary: (E) secret agent, service(s), formula, surveillance, defeat(ed) (I) safe, steal, spy(ing), chief, warn. Martha: Secret Agent Dog, Part 2 - The life of a secret agent dog turns out to be trickier than Martha expected. D
8:00 am
Curious George "Honey of a Monkey/Curious George's Egg Hunt" Honey of a Monkey - George and Steve are in a sticky situation when they accidentally eat all of Betsy's honeycomb. Will their homemade beehive produce enough honeycomb in time for Betsy's Earth Day presentation, or will she be buzzing mad? Curious George's Egg Hunt - George and Allie have discovered an egg in the grass with no nest in sight. Where is the egg's mother? They search high and low to find the right bird's nest but no egg will match. D
8:30 am
Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That! "Gorillas in the Nest/Tale of a Dragon" Gorillas in the Nest - Sally and Nick have made a sleepover tent on the floor. But it's not very comfortable. The Cat's friend Gordon the Gorilla knows how to make a comfortable bed. D
9:00 am
Super Why! "Cinderella" Red doesn't feel like much of a Princess, so how will she fit in at Sleeping Beauty's princess party? The Super Readers magically leap into the book of Cinderella who has a party of her own to get to! When the clock strikes midnight, Red learns that she doesn't need the help of a fairy godmother to feel great about who she is!G
9:30 am
Dinosaur Train "One Small Dinosaur/T. Rex Migration" One Small Dinosaur - Mrs. Pteranodon takes Buddy and Tiny to visit a Mikey Microraptor, one of the smallest of dinosaurs ever. Tiny is annoyed that Mikey is even smaller than she is, but Mikey looks up to Tiny as a role model. T. rex Migration - Buddy and Tiny go to visit their friend Annie Tyrannosaurus and discover she isn't home, so they follow clues and find her on a migration with her family. D
10:00 am
Sesame Street "Rocco's Playdate" Elmo and Zoe have an arts and crafts play date, but Rocco, Zoe's pet rock, is upset that he doesn't have his own play date. Elmo volunteers to find a friend who is round for Rocco and brings in a balloon. But Rocco wants a friend with a face and hair. D
11:00 am
Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood "Be A Vegetable Taster!/Daniel Tries A New Food" Be a Vegetable Taster! - Teacher Harriet introduces Daniel and his friends to the school's vegetable garden and convinces them to pick out some healthy veggies for their snack. They explore the garden, picking and trying different vegetables.with mixed results! Daniel Tries a New Food - Miss Elaina is having dinner with the Tiger family and she encourages Daniel to try some new food: Veggie Spaghetti and Banana Swirl. D
11:30 am
Sid The Science Kid "Sleep? Who Needs It?!" Sid is ready to stay up all night so he and his stuffed animals can pretend to fly into space on a rocket ship! When his Mom insists that he can't stay up, Sid ventures to school to investigate more. He and friends explore how the body needs sleep to properly function, and most important, we need sleep to grow and stay healthy! Understanding that sometimes we feel too excited to sleep (like before an adventure into space), Susie presents a special Super Fab Lab where the kids practice calming down, and preparing their bodies for sleep. Susie lowers the lights, turns off all the sounds in the room, and teaches the kids how to breathe slowly to relax. D
12:00 pm
WordWorld "Back On Track/The Rainbow Birthday Cake" Back on Track: While looking through his telescope, Frog notices that Kangaroo's mail train is headed straight for a broken track! He has to rely on BEAR and her tiny new tricycle to get him there to fix the track on time. And if the tricycle isn't tiny enough, Dog, Duck, and Ant and all his cousins climb on board to lend a hand. Will they make it in time? The Rainbow Birthday Cake: It is Frog's birthday, and Duck wants to make him a big, beautiful birthday cake frosted in the colors of the rainbow. D
12:30 pm
Caillou "Cooking with Caillou" Caillou Makes a Meal: Caillou makes pizza for dinner with his family, and learns that home-made pizza can be just as good as the fast-food pizza they have delivered to their door.and it's fun to make! Educational Objective: Taking time and effort to do things yourself, rather than having them done for you. Caillou's New Groove: Mommy and Daddy are gone overnight and Grandpa and Grandma are babysitting. D
1:00 pm
Barney & Friends "Riff's Musical Zoo/Boats" Riff's Musical Zoo - Everyone is excited about an upcoming trip to the zoo. When the trip is postponed, Riff decides to create a musical zoo. He gathers instruments that sound like real animals. D
1:30 pm
Thomas & Friends "Being Useful" Kevin the Steamie - Kevin decides that he wants to be able to shunt like a Steamie so he can join in a game of Bish, Bash, Bosh with Thomas and Percy. The game is about shunting oil drums. While Kevin is practicing his shunting, he causes chaos in the Steam Works. D
2:00 pm
Curious George "Honey of a Monkey/Curious George's Egg Hunt" Honey of a Monkey - George and Steve are in a sticky situation when they accidentally eat all of Betsy's honeycomb. Will their homemade beehive produce enough honeycomb in time for Betsy's Earth Day presentation, or will she be buzzing mad? Curious George's Egg Hunt - George and Allie have discovered an egg in the grass with no nest in sight. Where is the egg's mother? They search high and low to find the right bird's nest but no egg will match. D
2:30 pm
Martha Speaks "Martha: Secret Agent Dog, Part 1 & 2" Martha: Secret Agent Dog, Part 1 - Martha is on a super secret mission to find out who's trying to steal the formula for Granny's soup. Can Martha stop the crooks before they put Granny Flo - and Martha's speaking voice - out of commission? Vocabulary: (E) secret agent, service(s), formula, surveillance, defeat(ed) (I) safe, steal, spy(ing), chief, warn. Martha: Secret Agent Dog, Part 2 - The life of a secret agent dog turns out to be trickier than Martha expected. D
3:00 pm
The Electric Company "A Whole New Francine" Francine decides to be a nicer person, but is it just a ploy to get invited into The Electric Company?. D
3:30 pm
WordGirl "Chuck with a Sidekick of Brent/Yarn-4-Gold" CHUCK WITH A SIDEKICK OF BRENT - Once again Chuck teams up with his successful brother, Brent who attempts to organize Chuck's robberies. But when Chuck rebels against the system he sets out to turn the city into a giant sandwich-unless WordGirl can stop him. Vocabulary Words: Accomplish, Schedule. D
4:00 pm
Wild Kratts "The Food Chain Game" Aviva wants to build a food web for the African savannah, so she devises a game and Martin and Chris accept her challenge! They will each start as a blade of grass and climb to the top of the food web in a game of "Power Suit Creature Tag." As they play, the brothers boost their knowledge of the complex relationships between predators and prey as well as the differences between herbivores and carnivores. D
4:30 pm
Cyberchase "Jimaya Jam" Hacker has discovered an army of awesome creatures he can use to rule cyberspace, but they are carved in stone on the walls of the Pyramid of Jimaya. To bring the animals to life, he must steal the Sphere of Being, a magical orb closely guarded by three ghosts (Hacker's worst nightmare). How can he distract them so he can steal the Sphere? Opportunity knocks when he tricks Jules, recently hired as tour guide, into pushing the wrong button and falling, along with the kids and Creech, into an underground arena from which there is no escape! Confronted by the Jam Master, the guardian of the pyramid, and the Pyramid's three ghosts, the kids are told they can go free if they can overcome the ghosts in a game of Jimaya Jam. D
5:00 pm
Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman "Don't Like Fencing? Try Fencing!" Ruff is determined to find the lost Helmet of Victory-an old Ruffman family heirloom that is said to bestow success upon its wearer-and Ruff needs success for his show. Unfortunately, Ruff's owner has set up a new picket fence to keep him yard-bound. He sends Liza and Isaac to learn how to pole vault over the fence, and sends Bethany and Talia out to learn everything they can about fencing. D
5:30 pm
Nightly Business Report Tonight on Nightly Business Report - Attention turns to Apple's earnings. NBR will talk to a fund manager who recently started to buy the stock. And we'll take a look at what Hollywood is doing to win back aging baby boomers. D
5:56 pm
NewsHour Promo NULL
6:00 pm
PBS NewsHour NULL
7:00 pm
Fake Or Fortune? "Degas and the Little Dancer" Journalist Fiona Bruce, art expert Philip Mould and art historian Bendor Grosvenor, along with cutting-edge scientists investigate mysteries behind paintings in a new three-part season. A small painting bought as a work by Edgar Hilaire Degas is not in the official catalogue and is not recognized as genuine. The trio travels to Paris, Hamburg and Berlin while chasing its history. Part 1 of 3G
8:00 pm
Dust Bowl "The Great Plow Up" This film by Ken Burns chronicles the environmental catastrophe of the Great Plains during the 1930s. The frenzied wheat boom of the early 20th-century that plows the prairie lands becomes the victim of a decade-long drought that turns those lands into deserts and unleashes a pattern of massive, deadly dust storms. Twenty-six survivors of those hard times telling their stories and the eloquently written diaries of two women provide a narrative. Part 1 of 2G
10:00 pm
Frontline "The Retirement Gamble" Ten trillion dollars in Americans' retirement savings are invested in large and small accounts managed by banks, brokerages, mutual funds, and insurance companies. But whether an IRA or 401K will assure a safe retirement is largely a gamble. Building off reporting from the special "Money, Power and Wall Street," FRONTLINE raises questions about how America's financial institutions protect retirement savings.G
11:00 pm
Charlie Rose NULL


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December 20, 2007
ANTHONY MARKS, PLAINTIFF,v.ATLANTIC COUNTY JUSTICE FACILITY, ET AL., DEFENDANTS.
The opinion of the court was delivered by: RENÉE Marie Bumb United States District Judge
Plaintiff, Anthony Marks, a state inmate currently confined at the Atlantic County Justice Facility in Mays Landing, New Jersey, seeks to bring this action under the Civil Rights Act, 42 U.S.C. § 1983, against defendants, Atlantic County Justice Facility Medical Department and Dr. Campost, alleging a claim of inadequate medical care. Plaintiff failed to pay the $350.00 filing fee and did not submit a complete application to proceed in forma pauperis, pursuant to 28 U.S.C. § 1915.
The Prison Litigation Reform Act of 1995, Pub. L. No. 104-134, 110 Stat. 1321 (April 26, 1996) (the "Act"), which amends 28 U.S.C. § 1915, establishes certain financial requirements for prisoners who are attempting to bring a civil action or file an appeal in forma pauperis.
Under the Act, a prisoner bringing a civil action in forma pauperis must submit an affidavit, including a statement of all assets, which states that the prisoner is unable to pay the fee. 28 U.S.C. § 1915(a)(1). The prisoner also must submit a certified copy of his inmate trust fund account statement for the 6-month period immediately preceding the filing of his complaint. 28 U.S.C. § 1915(a)(2). The prisoner must obtain this statement from the appropriate official of each prison or institutional facility at which he was or is confined. Id.
Even if the prisoner is granted in forma pauperis status, the prisoner must pay the full amount of the $350 filing fee. 28 U.S.C. § 1915(b)(1). In each month that the amount in the prisoner's account exceeds $10.00, until the $350.00 filing fee is paid, the agency having custody of the prisoner shall assess, deduct from the prisoner's account, and forward to the Clerk of the Court payment equal to 20% of the preceding month's income credited to the prisoner's account. 28 U.S.C. § 1915(b)(2).
Plaintiff may not have known when he submitted his complaint that he must pay the filing fee, and that even if the full filing fee, or any part of it, has been paid, the Court must dismiss the case if it finds that the action is: (1) frivolous or malicious; (2) fails to state a claim upon which relief may be granted; or (3) seeks monetary relief against a defendant who is immune from such relief. 28 U.S.C. § 1915(e)(2)(B). If the Court dismisses the case for any of these reasons, the Act does not permit the prisoner to get his filing fee back.
If the prisoner has, on three or more prior occasions while incarcerated, brought an action or appeal in a court that was dismissed on any of the grounds listed above, he cannot bring another action in forma pauperis unless he is in imminent danger of serious physical injury. 28 U.S.C. § 1915(g).
In this case, Plaintiff failed to either pay the $350.00 filing fee, or submit a complete in forma pauperis application as required by 28 U.S.C. § 1915(a)(1); in particular, Plaintiff failed to provide a complete in forma pauperis application that contains his six-month institutional account statement as prescribed under 28 U.S.C. § 1915(a)(2).
THEREFORE, it is on this 20th day of December 2007;
ORDERED that Plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis is hereby DENIED, without prejudice; and it is further
ORDERED that the Clerk of the Court shall supply to Plaintiff a blank form Application to Proceed In Forma Pauperis; and it is further
ORDERED that the Clerk of the Court shall administratively terminate this case, without filing the complaint or assessing a filing fee; Plaintiff is informed that administrative termination is not a "dismissal" for purposes of the statute of limitations, and that if the case is reopened, it is not subject to the statute of limitations time bar if it was originally filed timely, see Houston v. Lack, 487 U.S. 266 (1988)(prisoner mailbox rule); McDowell v. Delaware State Police, 88 F.3d 188, 191 (3d Cir. 1996); see also Williams-Guice v. Board of Education, 45 F.3d 161, 163 (7th Cir. 1995); and it is further
ORDERED that if Plaintiff wishes to reopen this case, he shall so notify the Court, in writing addressed to the Clerk of the Court, 402 East State Street, Trenton, New Jersey 08608, within 30 days of the date of entry of this Order; Plaintiff's writing shall include either (1) a complete in forma pauperis application, including an affidavit of indigence and six-month prison account statement, or (2) the $350 filing fee; and it is further
ORDERED that upon receipt of a writing from Plaintiff stating that he wishes to reopen this case, and either a complete in forma pauperis application or filing fee within the time allotted by this Court, the Clerk of the ...
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Update the html version of GLEP 48 (QA Team's Role and Purpose) (#362803)
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This special Friday night offering will feature highlights of conversations with the week's guests on Rose's nightly PBS program. From studios in New York City and locations around the world, Charlie Rose talks to people in every field who have 'a great story to tell.'
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View the complete recipe
Monday, June 20, 2011
Does this Hollandaise-less Smoked Salmon Eggs Benedict Make Me a Traitor?
View the complete recipe
28 comments:
- Fanatic Foodie said...
TOO exciting no combo beats food & adventure – sounds like you'd like our new show EXTREME CHEF on the Food Network, check it out!!! http://www.foodnetwork.com/extreme-chef/index.html
- June 20, 2011 at 12:48 PM
White bread. Bah. Don't be afraid of whole wheat Chef John.
- June 20, 2011 at 1:33 PM
To anonymous: I doubt that Chef John is afraid of whole wheat. This recipe is for white bread and it's his recipe so chill out. Use whole wheat if it floats your boat.
- June 20, 2011 at 4:01 PM
Could we call this Smoked Salmon Eggs Chef John? Then no one can think your a traitor. :-)
Looks absolutely fantastic!
Jackie (again)
- June 20, 2011 at 4:03 PM
- Lizen said...
Can I use dried dill? Or fresh basil? Can't wait to try this.
- June 20, 2011 at 4:33 PM
- Chef John said...
I'm not a big dry dill fan, but any herb you like could work in this
- June 20, 2011 at 4:41 PM
- Livia said...
Oh, I'm sooo hungry now. Smoked salmon is my favorite.
- June 20, 2011 at 5:34 PM
- Tarnation said...
I'm thinking there is enough fat here to keep you legit. :)
- June 20, 2011 at 6:49 PM
This is a great recipe that stands on its own; it is totally different from Eggs Benedict!
I saw a similar recipe a few weeks ago on another blog that used gravlax with a garnish of parsley. I asked if they had ever considered dill as the garnish, so I'm asking you if you ever considered gravlax for this recipe? It would tie in well as another variation.
I would not be afraid to top this with Hollandaise, either. Hollandaise is a health food.
- June 20, 2011 at 7:58 PM
No you're not a traitor, you are an adventurer. I agree, those are still eggs Benedict, but a new version of it. It's nice to have the classics, but once in a while, let's reinvent the wheel! Why? Because life would be boring if we didn't!
So thank you Chef for making our taste buds excited! And remember, just like a Hollandaise, trolls can sense fear!
- June 21, 2011 at 4:36 AM
- Razors Edge said...
cayenne is evil.
- June 21, 2011 at 8:01 AM
- philogaia said...
Oh dear. Looks like Food Network has decided to infiltrate perfectly decent blog comments with their advertising. :P
Jim: I love your idea of gravlax. Chef John has done a recipe for gravlax that I've done a couple of times and found wonderful. Bet it would work here. http://foodwishes.blogspot.com/2007/03/smoked-salmon-gravlox-part-1-from.html.
- June 21, 2011 at 11:27 AM
Your theme song was stolen by another video food blogger http://gizmodo.com/5813934/inside-the-delicious-science-of-momofukus-secret-kitchen-lab
- June 21, 2011 at 12:52 PM
- Rita said...
oh, man! if that is not one good looking salmon benedict, i don't know what! thank goodness there are tons of salmon here in germany. i'll be sure to stop by the fish market tomorrow.
- June 21, 2011 at 12:54 PM
Did you get a new kitchen?
- June 21, 2011 at 4:41 PM
- Pam said...
Delicious-looking! And I appreciate your clever title.
- June 21, 2011 at 7:37 PM
Chef John.....How about a nice thin slice of smoked Canadian bacon instead of the smoked salmon?
- June 21, 2011 at 8:23 PM
- Chef John said...
Nope, working in LA.
- June 21, 2011 at 9:24 PM
- Chef John said...
Are you joking? That's how it's traditionally done! :-)
- June 21, 2011 at 9:28 PM
Shouldnt there be some lemon juice in there somewhere for the acidity?
- June 21, 2011 at 11:05 PM
- Chef John said...
I didn't, used the zest, but you certainly could!
- June 22, 2011 at 12:03 AM
Eggs Benedict, Hollandaise included, is probably my all time favorite breakfast. I have to admit that for a moment there you had me worried and I was ready to string you up by the thumbs, as my father used to say. But you made a great case that all the flavors are still there. So I'll give this a try. Looks delicious!
- June 22, 2011 at 12:40 PM
- Casino said...
This is a nice simple but delightful dish...
- June 24, 2011 at 10:47 PM
I just made this and will be making it again.
I had never made poached eggs but I used a technique that I saw on a cooking show. After adding a little vinegar to the water i make a little vortex in the center by stirring it and gently dropping the egg into the center. Keeps the egg together. Used an ice bath and reheated once I had cooked them all.
We used some wild sockeye lox that they had at the farmers market today. Very flavorful. I thought that the lack of sauce really let the other ingredients shine through. I didn't miss the hollandaise one bit.
Thank you chef John! You're my culinary hero.
- July 3, 2011 at 4:33 PM
thank you for sharing! I love your blog :)
- October 22, 2011 at 7:24 PM
I just made this and I did a -terrible- job of it and it -still- tasted fantastic. <3
- December 30, 2011 at 8:54 PM
- Rob Pitingolo said...
I've made this about half a dozen times now and have it nearly perfected. This is really an excellent recipe. BUT I will say that I find the America's Test Kitchen method of poaching eggs far superior (sorry, John). Everything about this recipe is extremely easy, but if you mess up the eggs you mess up the whole dish.
- April 8, 2012 at 12:10 PM
- Jessie said...
This recipe won 5 stars from my 5 year old. I gave him just 1 egg and he had seconds. Very delicious!
- March 2, 2013 at 12:21 AM


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I am in total agreement with Marilyn Mourer's March 25 letter, "Too many big concerns."
Privatizing the state lottery is absurd. Why should some company from the United Kingdom operate Pennsylvania's lottery?
Does anyone really think that will be profitable and beneficial to Pennsylvania? I don't think so.
The United Kingdom will benefit, but what about the senior citizens here whom the lottery is supposed to help? Farming out the lottery will cause loss of jobs and money to our state.
On the issue of the liquor stores, privatizing will definitely cause job losses. Selling the liquor stores might bring profit at first, but what about later on? The liquor stores, as they are now, guarantee jobs and a steady flow of revenue for the state.
In addition, are we going to have more underage drinking with a privatized system? We will be providing our young people with more opportunities, or locations, to purchase liquor.
Do we want to be responsible for more accidents in our communities?
In my opinion, we definitely will not have the variety or choice we have now.
How can a beer distributor, convenience store or grocery store offer all the selections we are accustomed to? Will the clerk in one of these establishments guide customers to the correct wine to accompany a dinner?
I think not.
In my opinion, the only reason for privatization is because someone stands to get a hefty kickback.
Mourer has the right ideas.


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Marta LwinAlumni, Class of 2006
Marta comes to ITP with a fine arts background as an installation and media artist. She has an appreciation for technology, interactivity and emerging scientific issues, and is incorporating these interests in her current body of work. She is especially interested in exploring the relationship between technology and nature. Her work has been seen in galleries around NYC and London as well as on the internet since 1997.


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3:30 pm
WordGirl "Return of the Reprise of Lady Redundant Woman/A Simple Plan" Return of the Reprise of Lady Redundant Woman - Lady Redundant Woman has escaped from jail and she has her eyes set on being crowned the belle of the Triple Dip ball. WordGirl must find a way to stop her and her copies before they steal all of the elegant dresses, fancy necklaces and stylish shoes in the city. A Simple Plan - After a slew of failed (and complicated) robberies Dr. Two-Brains decides to go back to basics and just steal cheese from the grocery store. D
4:00 pm
Wild Kratts "Little Howler" Chris and Martin are unpacking from an adventure and are surprised when a Wolf pup pops out of their bags. They have no idea where the little guy came from and must retrace their steps in order to return him back to his pack. They experience that wolves are a very social animal with a close pack structure and frequent visual and audio communication among individual members. D
4:30 pm
Cyberchase "Spellbound" When Wicked casts a spell on the Pompadorians to make them all adore her, Jackie and Digit must reproduce the only symbol that can break it - without being able to see what the symbol looks like. Matt and Inez can't get to Pompadoria to help, so they describe the symbol through their Skwak. But how can they describe the odd-looking spell-breaker accurately so Jackie can make a reproduction that works?. D
5:00 pm
Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman "How to Break The Ice and Also Waddle On It" Ruff is getting ready to attend the annual convention for ARGSHAABPO, the Animal Reality Game Show Host and Aquatic Bird Performer Organization. Unfortunately, the convention will be attended by penguins, and Ruff just can't seem to relate to them. So he sends Isaac to the New England Aquarium to meet up with some penguins to get some pointers; and he sends Brian, Bethany, and Liza to learn the art of improvisation. D
5:30 pm
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7:00 pm
David Suchet in the Footsteps of St. Paul Suchet follows Paul's journey to the west where the name of Jesus was not known. Paul seeks to convert people to Jesus before the end of the world arrives, but is doing so in areas where Caesar himself is believed to be a God. Paul's mission is not well received. Part 2 of 2G
8:00 pm
American Masters "LENNONYC" Coming to New York City after the break up of the Beatles, John Lennon and Yoko Ono find what many high-profile people gain in the Big Apple: the ability to walk down the street as an ordinary citizen. But the period that brought redemption and a creative musical burst in the studio, also included the Nixon administration's attempt to deport the pair, John being consumed by alcohol and his being kicked out of their apartment for 18 months. This profile includes film from the recording studio, home movies, little-seen concert film, and interviews with friends and companions. And all the while, there is the music.G
10:00 pm
Frontline "Fast Times at West Philly High" At a West Philadelphia high school serving one of the city's most disadvantaged neighborhoods, students defy expectations as they design and build two super-hybrid cars for international competition. In summer 2010, the school's EVX Team raced against mega-sized auto manufacturers, multimillion-dollar start-ups and university teams - all to produce an affordable, 100-miles-per-gallon car.G
11:00 pm
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