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This IS a rhetorical questions, right?! OF COURSE a parent should be involved in their teen's dating life, along with the rest of their life! It's all in HOW you're involved. We have 6 children, 4 of which are teenage girls at the moment, and they talk to us about everything - especially boys. Actually, their friends (boys and girls) even come talk to us about dating and relationships. We never thought that would be the case because we are VERY STRICT parents, but our kids know their boundaries, and I believe that makes life a little easier for them. They always know where they stand us. The first step in your children becoming well-rounded, emotionally stable adults with healthy peer relationships is having a good healthy relationship with them at home.
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When should you intervene in your teen's dating life? What are some tips for approaching your teenager about who they are dating?
Wanting the best for your children involves a lot of careful tiptoeing around boundary lines the older they get, and when teens start dating it's sometimes very difficult for mom not to interfere. It's one thing if your child's chosen boyfriend or girlfriend is clearly dangerous or age inappropriate, but what about someone you just think isn't good enough for them? How do you handle navigating your teen's new dating life?
I don't allow my teens to date although we talk about it often. They can have friends but dating one on one is not an option. School is just too hectic to deal with and to include dating in the mix is not going to make them better in their school work. I have talked to them both about finding a person who makes them feel valued, who respects their opinions and who doesn't have an unnatural hold on them... when they are ready. I know bad mouthing the new boy/girlfriend will do the exact opposite of what you want but I'd rephrase some of the points I've made to find out if this friend is making your child feel valued, respected and free to do other things without them. If they cannot answer these questions in any positive way, hopefully the response will get your child to see that this person is not for them. But as a parent, if my child was to answer negatively to any one of them, then the dating would be over. End of story.
That's a really funny story, but I hope you don't think they're actually listening to you. What, do you follow them around school all day? You are opening the door and welcoming resentment.
This is what has worked for us in the past couple of years. I do NOT talk negatively about their dates, but if they start complaining or say something negatively about something that was said or that happened, I will open a conversation with them that starts with " Does it bother you when they do that?" Or "Is this (behavior) something that you can live with or is it a deal breaker?" or "Do think that what they said or did is right?" ... This helps open the conversation and I actually let them decide whether this is good for them or not. Most of the time they make a really good decision and choose to end the relationship. A couple of times they decided to forgive the other person, or decided to put up with some of the behaviors, and then later chose to not do that any more. As far as the sexual behavior - we talked extensively about the negatives of sex and the positives. And we talked about protections and the ups and downs of that. What helped my 2 with making some positive choices on that, was seeing what happened to a couple of their friends that did not have such parental support. Both made decisions based on what they knew and we have been blessed with some decent decision making by our children - because they had our support to make those decisions. Where they perfect? No! But they did the best they could and they did it knowing they had our support...
I did not have much choice on this matter and my daughter is only 15. One day we was at therapy session and we was discussing relationships and the lady asked do you have a boyfriend and she said YES like it was a kodak moment. I was in shock and I was angry at first but, then I realized the more I show that I don't like the boy the more that she wanted a relationship with him so, I started playing it cool. I invited the boy over and made him feel welcomed. Now she can't stand him because he is always on my side. This worked for a while and when she misbehaves with me, he gets on her case too and she hates it, he even gives her ultimatums that she cant come over until she behaves at home. She now knows that moms only want whats best for her and now she looks on me for advice.
You are responsible for your teen so you should be all up in there business. Only you know your teen and some are more mature and responsible than others. One of my teens is in a serious committed relationship. I rarely have to get involved but I do put my 2 cents in when I feel it's necessary. My other teen is 15 and she really immature and untrustworthy so she's not allowed to date or spend the night with friends. I monitor her facebook but I wouldn't go as far as to read her journal unless some red flags or unusual behaviour popped up. As far as interfering as to the person they are dating not being good enough, find out what your teen really likes about the other. Don't be afraid to voice your opinion in a nonjudgemental wa. Try to get to know the other teen to see if your feelings are justified, you may be wrong. If your feelings are strong against the person make sure your own feelings are not causing them. For example, they may remind you of a loser that you once dated. If they are still strong, than gently point out the fears and your teen just might surprise you and say " mom, I think I figured out what you were saying about ..and I think your right." Any overbearing advice or feelings will be met with total defiance or rebellion.
I totally agree
I agree. I monitor her facebook. I don't get involved until I see that it is needed. I have trust issues with her and I have explained this to her. I told her until she can be trusted I will question her daily. I have talked to her about the sex issues. Not only is it dangerous about getting pregnant but other things as well. I also told her that hormones come into play and she may say she won't have sex until she is married but hormones can come into play. She is not allowed to go on a date without an adult.
My husband & I started talking about to our children long before they were even old enough to think about dating. We have established a relationship of trust and honesty in our home, but also where we make the final decisions in our home. As Bible believing Christians, my husband and I believe it is our job to 'guard the wall' for our children. That comes with friendships as well as dating. 2 of our 4 are in high school, and they are both so busy with school and different activities they don't have time to date. But, for the few dates they have been on, they have asked us about the girls they were going to ask out, and they have made good choices.
We have shown them that God has given us wisdom as their parents to help them see all sides of a situation, and to help them make informed decisions. We have also tried to reveal truths about what the culture sees as ok, and what we know to be ok. We hope to raise our boys to be Godly men, who are leaders and protectors of their homes and families, and who are totally in love with thier wives. For our daughter, we want her to find a man who loves God first, and her second. A man who would lay his life down for her.
Good job. 👍🏻
When your child is dating and you want to know what you can find out, look for every sign and ask alot of questions...DO NOT HESITATE to be nosey!
IF YOU DON'T ASK....They won't tell..They have this underlying code to keep parents out,,,COMPLETELY out...NEVER to be let in under ANY circumstances...
PARENTS..It is your responsibility to enquire and find out who, what, where and when...
There are many boundaries. Teenagers like to be left alone whilst in their rebellious stage. As long as you know the boundaries of when you need to stay out of their private lives, your teen with get along just great with you. Overstep that line and they will hate you.
Well lucky for me I have a teenage daughter and son. Before they reached the age of teenagers I instilled in my son that he is the protector of the family so to speak. He should look out for them. There are also boundaries set that they know and respect. With that said, They can go hang out if either of my husband or myself accompany them or they accompany each other. As far as Im concerned interfering is not a word that exist in my house because they are still my responsibility. Nothing I do should be considered interfering in their life unless they are totally sufficient adults. As long as they need my guidance I will be in their business.
It's always acceptable. We are the parents and they are the child. Teens are lucky the parents allow dating at all. I'm tired of parents asking what is acceptable, next we,ll be asking this question to the teens to see if it's ok with them.
I have a 14 year old that looks much older for her age that wanted to date a 21 year old boy. I sat her down and told her she cannot base her relationship on dating someone that is so much older. She is so badly rebellious, but she also agreed on this one. I gave her all the pros and cons of an older person that its extremely unhealthy. Im divorced just 3 months ago and i told her searcing for love in the wrong places will definatly get her into trouble. Its really hard for for her and her sister(12 years old) they dont get to see their father at all. Im always there for them.
As long as the dateing is age appropriate,I dont see anything wrong with 2 15 yr olds dateing,i also think a few of them going around in a group together is a good idea,my children talk to me all the time about what they are doing (I dont pretend I know everything there!!!) its great to have open lines of communication,life is about learning how to deal with relationships how will they learn if they dont try?As a parent you have to have input in their lives and also respect their privacy and know when to back off too,Im in my forties and my mother still pokes into my personal life and its so god Damn irritating!Protect them of course you have to bur show them respect also,you get what you give!!!
Julie- I agree 100% I am in your boat.. I am in my 40's and my twin girls are 16, my son is a very responsible 21 year old man. Every child is so different (even the twins!!) and I think it's VERY important to LISTEN to what the teens feel is acceptable. If they don't feel they have any say or any control in their lives at all, they will take some whether we like it or not. Parenting a teen (which, by the way, are young adults), is a give and take. They MUST have some say in their lives or they will rebell to gain some... Listen to them as often as you preach to them.. it might surprise most as to what we can learn about them too!
Julie and Valerie, I agree with both of you. My daughter is 14-1/2, yes, 14-1/2 and her boyfriend and her have been going out for almost 6 months. We know his parents well, and he is a very good boy. Both of us parents are with them at all times, because both families are close families. She is a mature, very responsible, an honor roll student, and he is too. Children are people too; they are not just something you own, something not to be respected. Each one is unique and different. If your child is mature and responsible, I don't think it is a problem. My second child, also a girl, (7 though), will probably be a different story. She is immature for her age, (compared to her peers and her sister at that age), and has a totally different personality than her sister. I can see us holding a tighter rein on her... We already do with a lot of things. She is very high-strung and impulsive. We actually suspect she may be ADHD or have Aspergers... We are in the process of working with her on these issues now....
I don't think a lot of people understand that teens nowerdays need their privacy in their lives. Parents are crossing the line when they don't let them be with someone, control their social media, read all their texts, scan their phones and ready their journals. Doing this only makes the teen resent you and become secretive. You have to let your kids grow up and not wrap them up in bubble wrap. Let them explore (with certain boundaries e.g adultery, alcohol, smoking ect). The best thing is just to support them and let them have the privacy they need. With all the pressure kids are having put on them in this generation, home and parent stresses can deteriorate the teens mental health. Don't be too harsh on your kids.
Thinking someone isnt good enough is not a very great way to go. It teaches your child that you have to be a certain way or type. Everyone deserves someone and if your daughters special someone is a bum off the street or a garbage truck driver it shouldnt matter, as long as she is happy and being treated right. The more you hold her back, the more rebellious she will be. You just have to trust you have raised her to make the right decisions.
I am sorry but I disagree with your statement I am not raising my son just to settle for just anybody he know what I think about this ...
Our 14 yr. old daughter started "dating" when she was 13 by permission of her mom and step dad so her dad and I didn't really have a choice in the matter. However we were very pro active. He came to church with us and I even escorted them to the mall and gave them a time limit and everything to meet me at a certain place an hour and a half later. Now she is a freshman and he broke things off with her and had her first crush break her heart. We have open communication with her and she shares things. All of her boyfriends are my friends on facebook so I can keep track of them. I even have their cell numbers so they can text her when she is with us and I can keep track of the history.
Now that my youngest daughter is in highschool i ever wonder if she has relationships with anyone.
I remember in yr 7 that first ever feeling talking to my parents about relationships. No one should ever feel uncomfortable talking to there elders. Its normal to date a boy...
I've always expressed to my son that I wouldn't CHOOSE his friends FOR him, but I will ALWAYS let him know what I think. That being said, we've had countless conversations that usually begin with, "Mom, you know you were right about.........". My son is in college now and we STILL have these discussions. I tried to lay the foundation so if something looked odd to him, he'd be willing to share it and get feedback.
My daughters 15 and 17 have had boyfriends but by title only, meaning they call themselves boyfriend/girlfriend but they don't go on dates, call or text or even eat lunch together at school. I guess I'm lucky to have girls who are more interested in sports, extracurricular activities and college than boy's. Don't think for one minute that I don't have my eyes wide open though because I am my childrens number one protector and I don't take that role lightly. Parents have the right to do as they see fit in the safety and well being of their children until they reach 18, then you can only hope your child has learned from you and makes the right choices as an adult.
Firstly I would like to say that neither of my teen daughters (age 18 and 15) are dating at the moment. This is not because I told them they couldn't or discouraged them in anyway not to. I speak with my daughters as openly and honestly as I can about many topics especially dating. I taught them to respect themselves and to chose people who do the same. They are both very active teens and have a large circles of friends. I also encourage them to share with me what their feelings are about friendship and other relationships. I think communication is the key to all teens making the right decisions in chosing a boyfriend/girlfriend. If they feel valued at home they will chose people who make them also feel that way. Not to say that they won't pick up the guy or girl that has you straching your head asking why, but unless there is a real substantial reason they shouldn't date other than I don't like them, I will try to mind my business and not give my ones t opinion of them.... lol I remember dating guys I knew my Mom wouldn't approve of just to annoy her sometimes. She never said much about it and I moved on. Lesson learned.
My daughter could be sucking him off i guess.
never let them eat all the pizza they want. they won't get fat.
I have read all of your thoughts, and everything is good basis and ideas of how I should approach my situation. I am in Desparate need of mom to parent advise. My daughter is 15, she started talking to this older boy, she says he is 17. After internet search he is actually 18. She is not allowed to date until she is 16. She has a lot going for her, straight A's, an athlete and colleges looking her way. When we found out he was 18, daddy freaked out and went off. I tried to play it cool, but no, I don't approve. Any ideas how I can get her to stop talking to him? I want this grown 18 year old to go away. Help!
I am over excited with having my family back again after 5 years of broken home. I have leaved with my husband for years with pain,sorrow and disgrace, he don't care about our kids and i and he was always keeping late night, he prefer outside than his own home and this really broke our home. I went to places seeking for help but the problem still remain until 2 days ago i came across testimonies of how Doctor Ororo has helped people so i contact him and he assure that he will solve my problem with his spell and i will see result within 12 to 16 hours. i followed his instruction, prayers and trusted him and today my home is as peaceful as how i want it to be. Doctor Ororo is real and i made a vow to tell the world about him and i will testify on the internet as much as i can. Is your home or marriage broken? did your boyfriend/girlfriend leave you? contact Doctor Ororo for help via email: (firstname.lastname@example.com) or website: (http://doctorazuaworldofpowerfulspell.webs.com) or via WhatsApp: (+2348068784784)
I have a 17 year old daughter who has been dating her boyfriend for a year now. We opened our home to him we made him part of our family, but he turned on us he was absolutely vile to us. So we banned him from the house, we decided that we couldn't stop our daughter seeing him. But since then he has been trying to step between us we have always been close to our daughter, but she is drifting away. She shows us no love she just shouts at us. We pick her up and drop her off so she can see him. I know she is not happy, I just don't know what to do. Any ideas?
My daughter is 17. Last year she was dating a boy for about 9 months, no big deal and they broke up. He started chasing one of her friends (a girl who had made habit albeit when they were younger of chasing the same boys my daughter had a crush on). He had a crush on this girl for a long time and my daughter did not know it even though he "loved her." Just broke her heart, but wait there is more. My daughter ended up going to prom with a friend of one of her friend's boyfriend, which was disappointing but she did not want to miss out because of this drama. I was proud of her but not the memorable prom she had hoped for. Fast forward to her senior year. She is in color guard (flag girl) for band and this boy has now also joined band just for his senior year and now is dating once again another one of her friends (pretty big school but I guess this is just his wheelhouse). This girl is not talking to my daughter for no reason other than it is uncomfortable. This marching band season these kids have to work together and travel, and it is going to make this very stressful on my daughter. She has friends but people are not taking sides, which is right but it seems like my kid is really paying some heavy price for this. My ? is should I advise her to try to smooth things out and make this friendship at least workable while she has to be with this situation for this school extracurricular or to just pretend they don't exist. I just want her to get through this with her memories of her senior year and high school not be just awful. Help.
My 17YOD has been secretly dating a 25YOM for about 3 months. It was discovered when she stole money from our bank account to give him under his guise of needing help for gas, car problems, food, and child support. We expressed our disapproval of this relationship and then started looking deeper. Our daughter has always been a good kid, excellent grades, a dancer (for 14 years), and worked a part time job in fast food where she met this Guy. We discovered he had a criminal record with at least one or two charges every year since he was 18, auto theft, breaking & entering, DUIs (several), loss of driver's license, currently on a 5 year probation after his 3-year one was revoked, divorced with a 4 YOD, domestic violence, and a court ordered sex offender eval. Clearly, this Guy is a POS and we fought to get our daughter away from him. No easy feat-age of consent here is 16. She ran away and spent a week living on the streets with him. We filed a runaway report, and the police brought her home. They ran this Guy and told her of all the bad stuff, but she insisted he would never hurt her and they loved each other. I have friends in the CJ system and found out this Guy had two convictions of molestation on a child under 10 while he was a minor. We forbade any contact and stripped her of all of her activities & privileges (dance, her car, her phone, computer, everything). They Guy showed up at her school to leave his phone for her to keep contact. School called & we got the phone. He had been having some several relationship with young girls while dating our D and actively dealing drugs while he had D with him. She read these, but refused to believe. We turned it over to PD and spoke with his PO. Cops had a lengthy talk with her, but after two days of crying, yelling, blaming, holding, etc. she finally came to us saying she got it. We tried a restraining order, but judge wouldn't b/c she consented. Quite a nightmare, & a long way to go to heal. D w/b 18 in 7 mos.
Not enough space to ask for support. The original post said interference should happen with such an age disparity and if dangerous. Both here. Still in process of Dr visits, setting up therapy etc. this Guy refused to wear a condom, so if she has a STI, we will press charges. Not pregnant though due to pill, thank God. Our home is a roller coaster ride of fear, anxiety, anger, love, & compassion. I wanted to find some support during the late nights when I can't sleep. Any similar nightmare's out there?
My son is 17 and he and his 17 year old girlfriend and her mom for some reason does not like my son. She keeps breaking them up. It is ridiculous. Hr has done nothing wrong . How do I help them through this .
I am a grandmother whose daughter and 3 children have moved in with my husband and myself. The 16 year old is a pain. Try to monitor her every move but it's so hard these days. However I overheard her and her boyfriend arguing, she was crying and I heard him tell her to shutup. I opened her door and told him to leave. She said they were just talking but it was more than that. She is furious with me now. Tensions are high. The reason she is here is because her mother was in an abusive relationship and I am afraid she thinks that it is normal to fight all the time. Help me with answers please should I feel this guilty. Did I do the right thing? She will make me pay for what I did. Just by being a brat
The only time I would intervene is if she started bringing different boys home. My 16 y.o. has been dating the same boy for nearly two years and they have always been sexually very active and he does stay over regularly, but that is fine with me. What wouldn't be fine is if she had serial boyfriends.
My 15-y-o daughter has had one boyfriend for about three months until she saw him kissing another girl at school. There were no solo dates, just hanging out with a large group of teenagers, usually at our local park (shepherded by adult counselors) or at our house. When she discovered his activity with this other girl (he told her this girl was 'an easy lay' since I don't get any from YOU') she dropped him flat. No texts, calls, blocked him on facebook, spammed him on her email account (both of which I monitor routinely) and most of their mutual friends are ignoring him at school because of what he did and what he said to her about it. She has an older counselor/friend (22) who treats her like a little sister and won't let her backtrack one little bit. Peer pressure can be a motivating factor as well as parental involvement, and I am VERY involved in my daughter's life. She KNOWS no solo dates, groups of at least 6-8 kids, I know where she is at all times and she knows when she is expected to be home. She has missed curfew twice, once by only 10 minutes, second time by nearly an hour and I called the police because I was sick with worry when she didn't answer her cell phone. They found her exactly where she said she would be - at the park - lost track of time and the police dragged her home in a squad car. She was never late again. She was mad as hell at me, but she learned a valuable lesson to make sure to check in with mom, even if you have to borrow someone else's cell phone. I am at her high school at least twice a month, she is in our church teen program at least twice a month and all kinds of positive, healthy activities for teens, both boys and girls. She had one girl friend who had been banned from our home (pregnant twice before 15) and my daughter doesn't want to get the reputation by association. She has one other girl friend that I don't like for manipulative tactics she has used in the past but will tolerate if she behaves properly.
The moment your kids are starting dating and they are still on your roof there should always a ground rules and respect. Responsibility and priorities should be discussed. Also inculcate the teachings of moral values. It is always important to talk to them their self worth and that will be their guidance in making decision ~ which always we pray for the morally right. Let them be aware as well of the laws involving dating and what trouble they could get if they are living dangerously in a relationship. Teens could be rebellious but consistency with your teachings and rules. Respect your kids and they will respect you in return. Be a friend to them.
Always be vigilant of the change of behavior of your kids... be mindful with the school work and languages they use then you could tell trouble is coming. Stop before it gets worst and you can no longer bend it. Sometimes as a parent we get busy and we postponed talking to our kids. Take time and let other member in your family (husband, grandparents or aunts/uncle) intervene if you cannot talk to your kids. One way or the other there are members in the family they would listen to.
One thing really help me through it is PRAYERS. I know some doesn't believe in anything above or beyond this earth...but PRAYERS and Faith help me all the struggles.
Good for you ! Prayer is the only way to go ..
I don't have teenage children of my own. I do however have a 14 yr old asister that I keep a close eye on. I know she's having sex, so does our mum. It's not always as simple as that. Mum keeps her at home when she's with her boyfriend as much as possible. She talks to me about alot of issues. I bring alot of them up too, not just her. But she is open and honest about things. I don't always tell Mum everything. I think not breaking that trust is more imprtant than anything else. However if she says something to make me worry I DO mention it to Mum, and Mum can deal with it. I've even taken my sister to the doctors to get her put on the pill. Mum didn't mind because atleast she was willing to do it if I took her. I was one to talk to Mum about all the issues that came up, my sisters not. It's hard to be that middle person sometimes. To decide what's not important and what needs to be passed on to Mum. I've even had the school counsellor ring ME instead of Mum. I'm just hoping that it's good practice for when my own children get to that age.
My older siter and brother, and my younger brother, all happily go to mum when there's an issue. My sister is just not interested. It's not always as simple as knowing when to intervene and when to ignore things. My sister recently ended up in hospital with a UTI because she thought it would go away and that if she told mum she'd get in trouble. It was extremely hard for both of us to convince her that asking for help is not going to get her in trouble.
I think it's fine to date for say, homecoming or prom but I don't believe the teens need to date exclusively. I think that's just asking for trouble, if you get my drift.
I'm another one whose kids are not allowed to date. They're involved with several groups of kids who are likewise not allowed to date individually, but they go out and have fun together all the time, with plenty of adults present (parents). Last weekend they played paintball, shot a funny video, and played board games with one of those groups. The whole point is learning to have a fun teen life without having to have all the drama and heartache. All of the parents involved emphasize schoolwork, the future goals, and our beliefs in why they should do this, teaching them this really very young before it really matters, but making a bigger deal of it at age 11 or 12. My two oldest are now 15 and 12. The 15-year-old had his first girlfriend at 12, and really was clueless as to why she was upset with him (and he knew he wasn't supposed to have one, but met her at a convention we help run). They're good friends now, but she hated him for a year. The next year, he again picked up a girlfriend the same convention. He tried to be a "better" boyfriend, but it also fizzled out. He realized the following year (same convention) that it was really a bad idea, that he really wan't mature enough, and this past summer managed to get through the convention without making any exclusive attachments, although he hung around with a group the entire time. This time, though, he refused to pair off. As a result, he had a much better summer for the rest of the summer, and miraculously wasn't depressed for the first time since he started having girlfriends. He now no longer wants to dabble in it.
His little sister, 12, looks at least 16. As a cheerleader for both jr. high and high school teams, she attracted a lot of attention. At first she enjoyed it, but after one kid was FB messaging her and made some inappropriate suggestions to her (which I saw because my kids let me see their FB stuff), first her brother sacked him really, really hard at football practice a few times, and told the coach what had happened when he was asked. And now the kid's no longer on the team.
I should also mention what recently happened to the daughter of our close neighbors, whose kids have played with mine since they were all little. She's a good kid, good student, but she got involved with the wrong boy. She's 15 and they met when she was 14. He was trying to take up way too much of her time so that her grades started slipping. He's a stalker, and would even stand across the street when her mom told him to leave their property, and just stare at the house. He finally convinced her to run away, and hid her. When they found her, her mom and step-dad sent her an hour away to live with her dad and step-mom just to get away from him, and even though he couldn't drive, he found a way to see her every single day. She ran away again, and again he was hiding her, but lied to everyone for over a week that he had no clue where she was! Now, because of his involvement, she has a juvenile record, and he has a restraining order and will soon have a record. This was a *good* kid, that everyone thought that was a good kid and had good grades at this time last year. Once it started getting out of hand, it went south really, really fast. This happened with in weeks of my daughter's problem with the football player, which happened weeks after two of older friends of the family got pregnant. My kids are in a bit of shock, and they really don't want to go on individual dates. They've seen the bad ending of several scenarios up close and personal.
I as the mother of daughters 5, 6, 17 & 20 have actually been involved in their lives more that I am sure they would like but I am also one of the moms that all the kids come to and have alot of kids on my friends list on facebook. But couple years ago my 2nd daughter was dating a kid older than her and he was controlling her and being emotionally abusing. I did step in and end their dating/friendship and when it was all over with his parents knew nothing of what he had been doing to her. His parents knew their son was trouble but did not know to what extent he had been to my daughter who they did really like.
I say us as parents have to be involved completely and even though they may not want us to be it will be appreciated in years to come.
I think that if you are seeing things that need guidance, i.e. signs they are having sex, then it's time to step in (or even before that if you even have a HINT that it's coming).. and talk about safe sex and birth control. I may get a lot of flack for saying what I think right now, but that's fine. Believe it or not, OUR teens ARE having sex... my twin girls are 16 years old. I am not blind to the fact that they have boyfriends and I now know they have had sex. I had them tested completely by their doctor for all STD's, a female exam, and birth control now. They need to be smart about it if they are going to be doing it, and whether we as parents like it or not, if they really want to, they WILL!! So, if they are dating someone age in-appropriate, there are easy legal recourses you can take to stop it if you need to.. I did turn my daughters cell phone into the authorities after I found a bunch of messages from men in their early 20's talking to my daughters in inappropriate ways... the police are dealing with that right now as a matter of fact. If you just don't like the guy, but she does, whether you like him or not, she will see him if she wants to. If you really stress the fact you don't like him and she can't see him, in 99% of the cases, the teen girl will resent you and rebel and do more to see this person... I try to keep an open mind with my daughters about who they are dating. I have even had to deal with one of them dating a female. I tell them all the time the best advice I can give: "It doesn't matter what sex, color, their looks, etc., as long as that person treats you good and you treat them good back".. Ahh.. the life of raising teenagers... not an easy task.. but I am told by my friends and co-workers it too shall pass! ;)
I have to agree here. My 17 (almost 18) year old daughter is dating a 16 year old boy that is just not right for her. He is manipulative and controlling but she just won't see it. I know that sounds weird because she is older and should not be able to be manipulated but he is good. None of us, not me, my husband, her siblings, or her friends like him. He is rude, immature, sneaky, lying and as I have said manipulative and controlling. But, the more we all say no the more she is determined to date him. We are also undermined by the fact that my daughter has severe bi polar disorder so it makes things difficult. All I can do right now is sit back and hold on. We pray everyday that she will see the light and realize that he is all of these things but until she does I really don't know what else we can do.
Yes, I know that feeling all too well.... most of the boys my girls have "dated" I have not cared too much for.. they are attracted to the "bad boys"... they like being in that crowd.... I can do as much as possible to stop it, but they will do it anyways, as they have shown me time and time again... now I take a different approach.. I just keep trying to educate them daily and hope all the effort pays off in the long run.. we talk alot about consequences, not just from me, but lifetime consequences stemming from making bad decisions now... and I sit back and pray it sinks in!!!! Dating, for my daughters, isn't really the traditional "dating" in the true sense... they have boyfriends but don't really go out on dates... they hand out at school, after school, and on weekends... so the word dating, I am not sure if it really is the right word for my kids.. it's more of relationships....
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okay, what does a 13 year old boy want from a 13 year old girl?
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Jim on VIP Access on Indian Channel!
I didnt know that v get this show here
That's cool! And he's totally right about the whole discovery in childhood thing. it's also kinda of the middle school teachers and parents fault, cuz they keep telling us, "you're not a little kid anymore, you have to know this stuff." we do, but we're more focused on playing with it, having fun.
"No time outs. Only DEATH!"
"I don't like to brag and I won't cuz I don't have to!"
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Google and Microsoft will follow in the footsteps of rivals Apple and Samsung and introduce a 'killswitch' to their smartphones that deactivate them if stolen.
Killswitches gives users the power to completely disable a smartphone remotely after it has been stolen, as well as increasing security on the phone by adding more password layers, making it more difficult to wipe and then be sold on by thieves.
A report by the New York State attorney general has found that the theft of iPhones has fallen significantly in the six months since the Activation Lock feature was added to Apple's iOS 7.
According to the report, since then the number of iPhone related robberies has fallen in major cities around the world, including by more than 20 per cent in London and 17 per cent in New York. The feature requires the entry of a passcode in order to disable location services on the device.
In April, Samsung introduced a similar feature called Reactivation Lock to some of their Galaxy smartphones that allows users to lock their phone remotely should it go missing or be stolen.
The report confirmed that following an initiative launched last year called Secure our Smartphones (SOS) – supported by Mayor of London Boris Johnson, Microsoft and Google will be improving the security on their mobile devices.
"With the release of this report the SOS Initiative achieves two major milestones: Microsoft confirms it will incorporate a kill switch-type theft-deterrence solution in the next release of its Windows Phone operating system, which will run on all Nokia smartphones; and, Google confirms it will incorporate a kill switch-type theft-deterrence solution in its next version of the Android operating system, the most popular mobile operating system worldwide," said the report.
In a blog post on the company's official website, Microsoft's vice president of US Government Affairs Fred Humphries said: "Over recent months, Microsoft has been working with others in the wireless industry to develop voluntary principles for implementing more robust theft-deterrent technologies in smartphones.
"The new theft deterrent features will be offered as an update for all phones running Windows Phone 8.0 and newer, though availability is subject to mobile operator and phone manufacturer approval.
"Additional details on functionality and availability will be provided closer to the official release. With these additional features, we're hopeful that technology – as part of a broader strategy – can help to further reduce incentives for criminals to steal smartphones in the first place."
Experts still want firmer killswitches to be introduced that permanently disable smartphones. Those used at the moment by Apple on Samsung rely on a signal being sent to the phone to lock it, or a password to keep out unwanted users, and experts have warned that turning a phone off or placing it in airline mode can block signal from reaching it.
According to the most recent report into smartphone theft in the UK, more than 800,000 devices are stolen each year.


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Anthony Weiner has announced his candidacy for New York City mayor with a campaign video posted to YouTube, days after NBC 4 New York exclusively spotted the former congressman shooting part of the video on the stoop of his childhood home in Brooklyn.
"Look, I made some big mistakes and I know I let a lot of people down. But I've also learned some tough lessons," Weiner says in the two-minute, 16-second video posted late Tuesday night, acknowledging the sexting scandal that forced him to resign his congressional seat two years ago.
"I'm running for mayor because I've been fighting for the middle class and those struggling to make it my entire life," he continues. "And I hope I get a second chance to work for you."
U.S. & World
The day's top national and international news.
A Quinnipiac University poll released Wednesday found that if Weiner jumped into the race, he would get 15 percent of Democratic votes, putting him in second place behind City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, with 25 percent. Neither comes close to the 40 percent needed to avoid a runoff. The survey of 701 Democrats was taken May 14 through Monday and has a plus or minus 3.7 percentage point margin of error.
Weiner did not make any public appearances on Wednesday. His rivals, when asked about the new candidate joining the field, had mixed reactions.
"Why should I talk about anybody but myself? I'm the one running for mayor here," said Quinn.
Former Comptroller Bill Thompson said simply: "welcome aboard," while his successor, John Liu, said: "Honestly, I won't be voting for him."
The campaign video, which opens with a shot of Weiner, his wife, Huma Abedin, and their toddler son in their home, highlights Weiner's upbringing in Brooklyn and his parents' backgrounds as a public school teacher and lawyer.
Timeline: Anthony Weiner Sexting Scandal
Weiner lists rent, job security, education, public safety and business regulations as citywide problems he wants to tackle. He ticks off congressional victories like securing money to put more police on the streets, getting sick 9/11 responders financial help, and leading the campaign for health reform.
In the closing shots of the video, captured by NBC 4 New York in Park Slope last Thursday, Weiner, sitting alongside Abedin, says "New York City should be the middle class capital of the world."
Abedin, who was pregnant with their son when the sexting scandal broke in May 2011, adds, "We love this city, and no one will work harder to make it better than Anthony."
Photos: Anthony Weiner Twitter Scandal
The Park Slope home is where Weiner launched his bid for mayor in 2005, and where he later announced that fall he was stepping aside in order to avoid a divisive primary runoff.
Weiner first revealed he was weighing a 2013 run for mayor last month in a New York Times Magazine story that detailed his efforts to repair his marriage. He has also hired a campaign manager, according to Politico, and has released a policy booklet.
Weiner ran for mayor in 2005, and nearly forced a runoff against Fernando Ferrer, but conceded in the name of party solidarity. He planned to run again in 2009, and was considered a leading contender, but dropped out after Mayor Bloomberg chose to run for a third term.
Prior to his unraveling, Weiner had begun to plan for a 2013 campaign. He still has more than $4 million in his campaign account.


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The 2011 Cleantech Open's Pacific Northwest Region organizers hosted launch parties this week in Portland and Seattle, kicking off a long series of events in the nation's largest business plan competition for cleantech startup companies.
This is the sixth year for the Cleantech Open, which began in California after taking root from MIT's Ignite Clean Energy competition. Both were intended to strengthen their regions' chances of becoming a hub of cleantech economic development.
Now with seven regional competitions, paradoxically, the Cleantech Open encourages startups nationwide, while also pitting regions against each other in a final battle for huge financial prizes.
"Now we stretch from sea to shining sea," says Byron McCann, Pacific Northwest regional director for the CTO and managing partner of Ascent Partners Group in Seattle. "It's always been a national competition, but now with seven regions we truly have a national footprint."
In November, hundreds of entrepreneurs will learn their fates. But first they will be screened, culled, coached, mentored and, finally, judged.
"We're looking for judges who really have expertise in what it takes to be a good business, first and foremost — what it takes to run a good business, a fundable business that will succeed in this business climate," says Dustin Walling, chair of this region's judging committee.
Judgeships are highly valued roles in the CTO, going to hand-picked individuals long before the applications start rolling in.
"We're very pleased that the judge slots are a coveted position and those go very quickly," Walling notes. "We put out our asks early and we get a lot of positive responses early."
Contestants who get past the initial screening will participate in a rigorous coaching program, including a multi-day "academy" in California.
"The guidance we've gotten has been direct, sometimes painfully direct," says Burt Hamner, founder of Hydrovolts, a two-time contestant and winner of the national CTO prize for the most sustainable business plan.
"The CTO process really works," Hamner adds. "They've defined a procedure that takes an entrepreneur all the way from a wild idea through a very polished, competent and investable state."
"When you talk to all the alumni who have been through the academy and mentoring, they say it's well worth their time," says McCann. "It's a forcing function to get them to get their business ready for investors."
The seven regional CTO organizations will name their regional winners in October. Three contestants in the Pacific Northwest will win $10,000 in cash and $10,000 worth of in-kind services from sponsors.
"Pacific Northwest regional winners will be announced on June 17 in Bellevue," John Martin, head of operations nationally for the CTO, told the audience at the Seattle launch last night. "Put that date on your calendars and tell everyone within two degrees of you on LinkedIn."
All of this is leading up to the national finals November 10-13 in San Francisco. The top national winner will walk away with a $100,000 cash equity investment and up to $150,000 in professional services. But the national awards gala is not the end of the advantages for competitors.
"We look like a competition, but in effect we're a mentoring and accelerator program," McCann explains. "It helps the entrepreneurs get ready to go to market. We're one of the arrows in the quiver to develop a cleantech economy in the Northwest."
Applications for the 2011 Cleantech Open are due by May 24.
Disclosure: The author was a CTO volunteer in 2009 and 2010.
CORRECTED: 2011 is the sixth year for the CTO. (ICE began one year earlier, in 2005. The PNW regional competition began in 2009.)


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It's been well documented that the U.S. faces a looming caregiver shortage as boomers age. Researcher Rand Corp. addresses this coming crisis in a report in the November issue of Health Affairs, and suggests that making it easier for immigrants to work as caregivers could help ease the crisis.
The report focuses on foreign-educated and foreign-born health care workers, a group that includes doctors, nurses and direct care workers who often assist the elderly. According to a recent story in Bloomberg, by 2020 the U.S. will require 1.6 million more direct-care workers than in 2010, based on an analysis of Bureau of Labor Statistics data by the New York-based Paraprofessional Healthcare Institute. That would represent a 48% increase for nursing, home-health and personal-care aides over the decade.
Foreign-born workers represent 21% of direct caregivers in the U.S., according to the Rand report. No employment-sponsored visas exist for direct-care workers, and most of the legal immigrants who do such work enter the country through family-sponsored visas. An estimated one in five direct care workers is undocumented.
Canada has a program that that allows people who don't qualify for other immigration programs to work in the country as live-in caregivers for two years, after which they are eligible to apply for permanent residency. This could serve as a model for the U.S., although the authors acknowledge that Canadian program has faced criticism for being exploitative of the workers.
The number of foreign-born direct-care workers has already risen in response to the needs of the aging U.S. population, nearly doubling to 676,200 between 2001 and 2009. The vast majority of older people needing care today rely at least partly on family caregivers. But loved ones will be in shorter supply going forward, as boomers had fewer children than their parents' generation, and as today's families tend to live farther apart.
Policy solutions could work toward ensuring that there are enough paid caregivers to meet the surging demand, according to the Rand report. How families will afford to pay for these caregivers, who of course deserve a living wage, remains a separate issue.


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From small to large shops, our Facebook stores are equipped with features that allow you to customize your facebook shop.
Our shops make your products more social. Increase your facebook store views and click throughs by engaging with your fans.
Our facebook stores are able to connect with existing ecommerce stores, or as a stand alone platform itself.


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FMG dismisses report on iron ore delays
Fortescue Metals Group has dismissed report it is experiencing delays with iron ore shipments.
Resource information provider, Platts, yesterday reported the company had postponed the loading of iron ore cargoes.
FMG says the article is untrue and it recently exceeded the original export target rate set for the end of 2012.
The company says it is continuing to experience strong demand for its product.
Meanwhile, FMG has appointed a new Director of Operations.
David Woodall will take over the role on Monday, replacing Jamie Frankcombe.
FMG says Mr Woodall brings almost 30 years of industry experience to the position, working both within WA and overseas.
Topics: iron-ore, perth-6000
First posted


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Six months after the town of Foxborough shot down plans for a billion-dollar casino near Gillette Stadium, the lingering anxieties are complicating the Kraft Group's attempt to find a new use for the property.
In a Planning Board meeting last week, officials of the Kraft Group discussed their longstanding proposal for rezoning that would give the company more flexibility. The proposed wording delineates the potential for a resort or entertainment complex, which Kraft officials have said could include something like the Great Wolf Lodge, an indoor family water park.
A spokesman said the Kraft Group has not decided how to use the property, but insisted there are no plans for a gambling operation. Still, because the group had sought the same zoning change to build a casino, news of the latest discussion created distress among some officials and residents that the gambling issue was reemerging.
At the same time, a town committee that had been formed to discuss shared development goals along Route 1 with the Kraft Group, the town's largest taxpayer, was quickly dissolved for fear that its closed-door talks would violate the state's Open Meeting Law and alienate residents.
The move to dissolve the committee was made after Selectwoman Lorraine Brue said it had inadvertently violated the law during an Oct. 2 private meeting with Jonathan Kraft, president and chief operating officer of the Kraft Group, and other company officials.
Citing a "casino hangover," Town Manager Kevin Paicos said that "the message we are getting from the community, because of all the secrecy of the last year, is that they want things to be open."
"If we have a discussion with the Kraft Group, people want to know what's going on," he said.
On the issue of rezoning, Jeff Cournoyer, a Kraft Group spokesman, said, "This has been something that has been before them for months, if not years, and it just happened to be on the agenda that night."
The same zoning change was an essential part of this year's aborted casino venture between the Kraft Group and Las Vegas mogul Steve Wynn. While the rezoning would open the way for a resort or entertainment complex, Cournoyer vehemently denied a local newspaper's report that it could be laying the foundation for a casino.
The current zoning does not allow for gambling, Cournoyer said, "and we are not asking for gambling.''
He also said the Kraft organization is disappointed that selectmen disbanded the negotiating committee for the second time in several months without notice.
Included in a long list of discussion topics are the eight additional liquor licenses the Kraft Group is seeking for Patriot Place, as well as new zoning that would allow a second hotel and 300 condominium units next to Gillette Stadium.
On top of that, there is the longstanding dispute, dating back to 2006, over water and sewer enhancements and how to share revenue from the pair of billboards on Route 1.
"We have participated in more than a dozen meetings on this subject with various committees and boards and remain hopeful that we can help the town achieve its long-term water and sewer goals while also attracting new businesses and generating incremental tax dollars,'' Cournoyer said.
While the Krafts had asked to move the talks behind closed doors because of competitive business concerns, Paicos and others said communication and transparency with residents is more important than ever, as the parties try to salve a damaged relationship.
At next Tuesday's selectmen's meeting, Paicos said, he will recommend that the committee be reestablished, but be mandated to meet publicly.
"I don't see it as an impediment, but an opportunity,'' Paicos said.
Before the committee was dissolved, the members were Selectman Mark Sullivan, Brue, Paicos, and Town Counsel Richard Gelerman.
James DeVellis, chairman of the Board of Selectmen, underlined the importance of keeping the process public and well within the guidelines of the Open Meeting Law.
"That is why we took a little step back, so we can take a larger step forward with confidence,'' he said.
But he added that Paicos and Gelerman understand the town's position on many of the subjects under negotiation and should be allowed to work through issues with the Kraft Group "without having all the discussions at our table."
Selectwoman Lynda Walsh, who chaired a preliminary committee that looked at the Krafts' development wish list, said she is frustrated with the process and thinks it might be best for selectmen to let Paicos and Gelerman start the talks, then possibly add a consultant to the group or a selectman.
Conducting all negotiations publicly could hurt the town's position, Walsh said, "or give the folks on the other side of the negotiating table a heads up of our strategy.''
Despite the assurances that a casino is not under consideration, the town's antigambling faction remains wary.
Stephanie Crimmins, the head of No Foxboro Casino, said she has been contacted by several people who are concerned that the casino issue is flaring up again.
"We are definitely paying attention,'' she said. "We can certainly reignite our group if we have to in a matter of hours."
Michele Morgan Bolton can be reached at michelebolton@


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"We have gained a considerable competitive edge: a virtualized data center, based on the latest Fujitsu products and technologies, helps to enhance the effectiveness of users' operations and significantly reduces potential IT expenses. In addition, we have made our information system more reliable and fault tolerant, increased its flexibility and scalability"
Viktor Nikonov, IT Director, BTC Group
BTC Group is Russia's largest light industry holding, specializing in the development, production and subsequent sale of high-tech clothing for various business sectors.
BTC Group operates its own high-tech production base, which includes businesses located in St Petersburg, Leningrad Region (Vsevolozhsk, Boksitogorsk, Podporozhye), Rostov Region (Shakhty, Salsk), South Ossetia (Tskhinval), Belarus (Brest), Tula Region (Kireevsk, Dubna) and Kursk Region (Zheleznogorsk).
In connection with the development of the Russian light industry holding BTC Group, the need arose to create a virtualized data center. The previous data center, given the obsolete workstations and servers, was no longer able to cope with the existing workload and was too costly in terms of user support. The task put to the contractor was to build a new platform, to conform to the BTC Group's long-term IT system development strategy, which would account for enhanced requirements for safety and standardization and would reduce user support costs.
Fujitsu was chosen as the equipment supplier for the project implementation, involving servers and data storage systems. Fujitsu has rich experience in the creation of such facilities to meet the custom orders of Russian and foreign companies alike.
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A charming, cute and humorous role-playing game, Earthbound came in an oversized box (it included a strategy guide to help players through its weird world). A low print run and an expansive cult following makes this extremely valuable today. Although Nintendo has released many of its classic titles as downloadable content for Wii, it has skipped this one. Should it ever re-release Earthbound as a download, the price of the original will plummet from the dizzying heights it currently enjoys.Photo: Cody Pickens
Final Fight Guy was not sold in stores; it was exclusively offered as a rental through Blockbuster Video. When the chain sold off their old stock, this made it out into the world. Finding one with the box and manual, as shown here, is extremely tricky since they were often damaged, destroyed or thrown away.Photo: Cody Pickens
Nintendo is extremely protective of its popular franchises. One rare slip-up that it made was to allow the electronics maker Phillips to create games based on The Legend of Zelda for CD-i, an early compact disc-based game console. They were terrible, but Zelda fans want them in their collections anyway.Photo: Cody Pickens
Before Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!, there was this Japanese release, which was only given away as a prize in a contest run by Nintendo. I, ah, might have overpaid for this, but I just love Punch-Out!! and had to have it.Photo: Cody Pickens
My copy of Panzer Dragoon Saga, which I bought in an Electronics Boutique for about $40 brand new. As one of the final releases for the ill-fated Sega Saturn, and an excellent role-playing game, both collectors and players want this four-disc game and are willing to pay upwards of $300 for it today.Photo: Cody Pickens
Nintendo's Virtual Boy was an early experiment with stereoscopic 3-D visuals -- one that the company abruptly gave up on less than a year after it launched the unloved machine. The final four games released for Virtual Boy in Japan shipped in absurdly low numbers, and are thus in extremely high demand among collectors of oddities. Clockwise from top left: Space Invaders Virtual Collection, Virtual Bowling, SD Gundam Dimension War and Virtual Lab.Photo: Cody Pickens
Writer Chris Kohler with the loves of his life.Photo: Cody Pickens
This short feature on game collecting appears in the February 2013 issue of Wired magazine. Check out the tablet edition of this month's magazine to hear the author speak about a selection of rare games, which also appear in this digital-exclusive photo gallery.
Collecting videogames starts with what you love. You remember your youth—playing Metroid in glorious lo-def—so you buy a secondhand Nintendo and a few of your old favorite games. Then you realize that as a grown-up with a full-time job, you can have all those games that you couldn't afford as a kid. You hear strings, harps, a choir of angels. But that's the sound of the rabbit hole opening.
You start buying anything you don't already own. You never wanted Yo! Noid as a kid—even then you guessed it was terrible—but you no longer care whether the game is actually fun to play. You have a new quest. The original Nintendo Entertainment System had 730 titles; wouldn't your 12-year-old self flip out if he knew you had all of them?
Soon you're spending all your time crafting eBay searches ("Double Dragon AND Battletoads NOT Sega Genesis"). And woe betide the collector who wants the original boxes and instructions, which most kids threw away and which can now add hundreds of dollars in market value. Eventually you realize you're missing only a few games that were made in tiny quantities or pulled from shelves—the same few games other collectors want. So you wind up in frenzied bidding wars where an obscure game like 1987's Stadium Events can sell for tens of thousands of dollars. Because now it's not about your love for the games you do have; it's about your lust for any that you don't.


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Well this is not exactly the kind of news Mike Leach wanted to deal with as Washington State hits the road in Pac 12 play this weekend. Freshman defensive lineman Emmitt Su'a-Kalio was charged with second degree assault after an incident inside the team's locker room this week. The incident allegedly led to a broken jaw for another Cougar on the roster, who claims he was on the receiving end of a sucker punch from Su'a-Kalio.
According to a report by KXLY in Spokane, Washington says officers approached and worked with the Washington State coaching staff in bringing Su'a-Kalio to the police station Thursday, where he was arrested and booked for felony second degree assault. He was released on Friday following a court appearance. No charges have been filed yet, but police have until October 9 to file charges in the open case.
A brief statement from Washington State said "It is a team matter and we won't comment on team matters."
Washington State plays at California Saturday hoping to pick up their fourth win of the season. It would mark their second four-win season since 2007 and first under Leach.
Photo credit: Washington State Athletics


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My GFWL is Cpt Ventris, and on DoW (including the expansions) it is Cpl_Hunter. My steam name is cpt_uriel_ventris, and will show as Jake. Astral Claw, first and only. For the Wardens and the Imperium.
The member you are trying to view has set their account to private. Only friends of this member are able to view their details.
Continue browsing the member list, to find the profile you are after.


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The festive frenzy is fast approaching and many people are turning attention to their Christmas shopping lists.
If you want to find the best gifts at the lowest prices, but don't want to deal with the high street crowds, then shopping online is the thing for you.
The hacks from Boom25, the website that gamifies the shopping process, will ensure you get the best deals online, so you can put your feet up and know the whole family will be happy on Christmas morning - plus you'll have fun while you're at it.
Clear your cookies
This is crucial if you regularly shop online. Brands often hike up prices the more times you frequent the site. Cookies are pieces of information that store the details of your web browsing, so deleting those effectively deletes your search, so you won't get inflated prices. To clear your cookies, go to your browser preferences or settings and click on 'clear history and website data'.
Negotiate your price via online chat box
Retailers often offer a live chat service so customers can get immediate answers. Live chatting to the company via the chat box can be key to bagging yourself a discount. Plus, it's less awkward than doing it in person.
Bookmark your favourite brands
Ensure you bookmark your favourite brands, so you can easily revisit them. Boom25, provides a refund to every 25th shopper on their purchase no matter the value. Shop at over 500 of the UK's favourite online retailers including Boohoo, Currys PC World, M&S and Argos. There's no risk and no extra cost, so you have nothing to lose. The key is remembering to login to Boom25 before you start your shopping.
Leave items in your shopping cart
When online window shopping, try leaving items you plan to buy in your shopping basket. Retailers want to close a sale so will often monitor this, and occasionally they will get in touch to offer a discount.
Shop on the right day
Although the thought of spending a Sunday afternoon online shopping might sound tempting, most retailers launch discounts and special deals during the week. Prices can be cheaper at the start of the week and tend to creep up over the weekend. Boom25 partners with its retailers to offer special promotional days. For example, rather than having the usual 1:25 chance of receiving a refund, the odds might be a lot better on certain days.
Sign up to mailing lists
Get ready for your shopping spree by signing up to all of your favourite online shops. You can then keep up to date on deals before the general public sees them. Some brands even give a discount for just signing up to the mailing list alone.
Take advantage of social media
Follow your favourite brands on Facebook and Twitter as quite regularly they will announce a sale before it hits the website, or even better, release an exclusive promotional code specific for that platform. Also, try following bloggers for special offers, as they often find out before the general public.
Boom25 launched in July this year and already has over 500 retailers on board, including Boohoo, Just East, M&S, Expedia and Argos. Refunds have been awarded to 3,976 people, with the record win being £149,160 – the CEO has ambitions to give away £1 million by the end of this year.


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Acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) is not a single distinct disease, but rather a disorder characterized by a severe suppression of the immune system. This immunodeficiency renders the body susceptible to a variety of normally manageable infections, cancers, and other diseases.
AIDS is caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), a virus that infects certain cells throughout the body. Most significantly, HIV infects white blood cells of the immune system (particularly T cells, or more specifically CD4+ cells), the role of which is to help clear disease-causing substances from the body.
AIDS is the name given to a late stage of HIV infection in which there is evidence of significant impairment to the immune system. Because the illness is best understood as a continuum from initial infection to, in many cases, death, the term HIV/AIDS is frequently used.
There are two versions of HIV, both of which can cause AIDS: HIV-1, which has spread throughout the world, and HIV-2, a far less common and somewhat less harmful version largely restricted to West Africa. In the absence of further clarification, the generic term "HIV" almost universally refers to HIV-1, including throughout this volume.
HIV has spread throughout human populations across the globe and is being intensively tracked by health authorities using the tools of the science of epidemiology.
Coverage in the Encyclopedia
Most of the entries listed in this section emphasize the biochemical workings and the spread of HIV (the virus) rather than medical complications of AIDS (the medical condition resulting from HIV infection). The specific illnesses relating to HIV infection and AIDS are covered below under "Pathology and Treatment."
The Basic Science entries focus on describing HIV itself, how it causes disease, where it originated, and how it relates to other human and animal viruses (particular the subtype of viruses called retroviruses). This group also includes entries on the various types of cells that comprise the human immune system and how they are affected by HIV and how HIV infection can eventually lead to AIDS.
The Epidemiology entries focus on the study of how disease in general, and HIV in particular, spreads over time through human populations.
Entries on Basic Science
|AIDS, Pathogenesis of
B Cells
HIV, Description of
HIV, Origins of
HIV Infection, Resistance to
Immune System
Monocytes and Macrophages
Natural Killer Cells
T Cells
Entries on Epidemiology
|AIDS, Case Definition of
Epidemics, Historical
|GRID (Gay-Related Immune Deficiency)
Perspectives on the AIDS Epidemic: Basic Science and Epidemiology
Challenging the Mainstream Consensus: AIDS Dissidents
In the context of the discussion of AIDS, the term dissidents refers to individuals who oppose mainstream or officially sanctioned understandings of the epidemic (including those views presented throughout this encyclopedia). Such dissidents have faced many challenges, from the skepticism of individual scientists and the probing questions of reporters, to public demonstrations by AIDS activist groups. For dissidents, varying issues are in contention, including the probable cause or causes of the syndrome; the disease's geographic origins; the politics and economics of research and treatment; the value of AIDS education, safer-sex, and blood-testing programs; and the role of the media in establishing consensus. Although many AIDS dissidents share certain attitudes and opinions, they by no means form a unified force. They may be described by several overlapping categories: dissenters regarding the cause of AIDS, political dissidents, proponents of alternative treatments, and proponents of mental and spiritual approaches to healing and prevention.
The most radical dissidents are those who have disagreed with what they call the "HIV-AIDS hypothesis" -- the contention, which they consider unproven, that HIV is the cause of AIDS. Included among them are a number of prominent academics, most notably microbiologist Peter H. Duesberg of the University of California at Berkeley and Kary Mullis, the 1993 Nobel laureate in chemistry. Since 1989, AIDS dissidents have held a number of international conferences to discuss and promote their views. An advocacy organization, The Group for the Scientific Reappraisal of the HIV-AIDS Hypothesis, was established in 1993.
The most widely proposed alternative to the HIV-AIDS hypothesis is a multifactorial model that ascribes the infections usually attributed to AIDS to combinations of factors, including recreational drug abuse, use of antibiotics, multiple sexually transmitted diseases, impure blood products, malnutrition, and other factors that can cause immunosuppression.
Another group of dissenters, who generally accept that HIV causes AIDS, might be called political dissidents. In response to what was perceived as inadequate official reaction to the AIDS crisis, a network of local initiatives and political action groups emerged from the gay community during the 1980s. Highly critical of government and scientific policies and of the role of large pharmaceutical companies in the epidemic, these organizations have advocated for improved AIDS care and research, freer access to experimental treatments, and increased emphasis on holistic and self-empowerment approaches. Among the most vocal of these groups have been the various chapters of ACT UP, a grassroots AIDS organization that has gained public attention for its street demonstrations and civil-disobedience campaigns. Political dissidents have also protested against restrictions on the civil rights of those who have tested or who are suspected of being HIV-positive.
Proponents of holistic and alternative therapies form a third group of dissidents. Alternative therapies used to treat AIDS-related conditions have included traditional Chinese medicine (including acupuncture), macrobiotics, nutritional and vitamin therapies, herbalism, and naturopathy. Health Education AIDS Liaison (HEAL) in New York, Positively Healthy in the United Kingdom, and other groups provide advice and holistic and alternative therapies to people with AIDS. These organizations are skeptical of official AIDS policies, in particular of predictions of high fatality rates for those testing HIV-positive. They have attacked the use of nucleoside analog drugs such as azidothymidine (AZT), saying that these drugs are ineffectual and toxic and that they produce side effects similar to AIDS symptoms.
Proponents of mental and spiritual approaches constitute the final group of dissidents. Advocates of meditation and visualization have proposed a variety of mental techniques to strengthen the immune system, and they acknowledge the new science of "psychoneuroimmunology" for its research into the effects of mind-body interaction on health. Some regard mental factors, such as attitude and psychological outlook, as especially important in the genesis of AIDS in individuals.
Separate from other groups of dissidents are those who might be called alarmists. They accuse the government of minimizing the risk of HIV transmission and have suggested the possibility of contagion by insects, casual contact, or proximity. Some alarmists have predicted a world plague of apocalyptic proportions. Other single-issue dissidents question specific aspects of orthodox opinion, such as the possibility of a so-called heterosexual epidemic in the United States. Some investigators have questioned the alleged African origins of AIDS or that AIDS as such even exists in Africa, regarding deaths ascribed to AIDS as actually caused by a combination of malnutrition; drug poisoning; and endemic diseases, many of them curable.
Publication of dissident writings has been scattered and sporadic, and even the most eminent writers have encountered difficulty in airing their views in traditional media. As a consequence, several dissident magazines and newsletters were founded, including Rethinking AIDS in the United States and Continuum in the United Kingdom. In the popular press, the gay newspaper New York Native and the music magazine SPIN consistently covered unorthodox views on AIDS. Addressing why dissenting views on AIDS have been marginalized, dissidents have suggested that medicine relies as much on emotion, cultural assumptions, politics, and economics as it does on science. Today, the prevailing medical model is one of infection, developed in the nineteenth century; other systems of medicine, such as homeopathy, pay as much attention to the characteristics and resistance of the host as to those of the individual pathogens.
Critics of medical orthodoxy have pointed out that the current approach of isolating a single infectious agent and developing a drug to overpower it has created problems, including the dismissal of multifactorial hypotheses, the unwarranted use of toxic medicines such as AZT, and the emergence of antibiotic-resistant pathogenic strains. Some regard the medical establishment's failure to deal effectively with AIDS as further evidence that a reappraisal of western health care is in order. AIDS is thus seen as a crisis not only for public health but also for medical science. Many in the West, dissatisfied with the cost and ineffectiveness of conventional medicine, have wholly or partly abandoned it for homeopathy, naturopathy, and traditional Chinese medicine.
Many dissidents propose that the current "infection model" of AIDS be superseded by a "pollution model." In the latter approach, AIDS is examined not as a single disease, but as a complex of diseases generated by the stresses of modern lifestyles, social conditions, and medical practices. These stresses especially affect the risk groups to which AIDS remains largely confined. This model also suggests that genetic predispositions may affect the development of AIDS in certain individuals.
In general, the critiques of AIDS dissidents have been resisted by both government and mainstream science. AIDS dissidents remain marginalized by what they contend is a premature consensus encouraged by political and economic, rather than scientific, factors.
Ian Young
The Encyclopedia of AIDS: A Social, Political, Cultural, and Scientific Record of the HIV Epidemic, Raymond A. Smith, Editor. Copyright © 1998, Raymond A. Smith. Carried by permission of Fitzroy Dearborn Publishers.
Encyclopedia of AIDS $25 US/832 pp/Illustrated
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