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 "Deadbeat" Father Questions the Effectiveness of the Child-Support Sy…
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{{cite web | title = "Deadbeat" Father Questions the Effectiveness of the Child-Support Sy… | url = http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/news-and-opinion/cover-story/135948413.html | date = 2013-01-31 | archiveurl = http://archive.today/4eMiB | archivedate = 2013-01-31 }}
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"Deadbeat" Father Questions the Effectiveness of the Child-Support System
By Mister Mann Frisby
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Posted Dec. 21, 2011
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On a chilly, rainy day in late October, I stared into the eyes of a killer. They were the eyes of a man who had mercilessly butchered four people, including a 3-year-old girl.
It was Thurs., Oct. 27, and John Eichinger and I were being escorted from a Montgomery County courtroom by a different set of officers on the same elevator. He was making yet another appearance to appeal his death sentence. I had been incarcerated since Fri., July 15, for being in arrears on child support, which is a contempt of court. I was ordered to pay $5,000 of the $17,000 that I owe or serve six months at the Montgomery County Correctional Facility. As fate would have it, Eichinger and I were placed in the same holding cell after our hearings that afternoon.
When you see the faces of these types of cowards on the news, you don't fathom in a million years that you could actually come within arms' reach of choking their necks. I wanted to bash his head against the concrete wall, but I had a decision to make. Only moments prior, I was granted my freedom after spending three and half months in a county prison.
There I was, a 36-year-old native of two of Philadelphia's roughest housing projects, without even a misdemeanor on my record. In the other corner was Montgomery County's most notorious killer of all time, sentenced to death for slaughtering Heather Greaves, 27, Lisa Greaves, 23, and Heather's 3-year-old daughter, Avery Johnson, in King of Prussia. Those murders also implicated Eichinger in the 1999 stabbing death of 20-year-old Jennifer Still, of which he was also convicted in 2005.
All I could do was shake my head and pray. I wondered what the rules were regarding putting a death-row inmate in close quarters with someone who was being held for a contempt of court. It was the longest three hours of my life. I reminded myself repeatedly that it would be over soon. I reminded myself of how far I had come since that beautiful sunny day in July, my last day of freedom.
One of the worst nightmares
of my life began on Mon., June 13. It was the morning after I had successfully hosted the annual Odunde Festival in South Philadelphia. I was exhausted from the hustle and bustle of running the stage at one of Philadelphia's longest-running outdoor events.
I was also still on a high from being awarded a certificate at the festival from Mayor Nutter for more than a decade of community service as a volunteer track coach and mentor to hundreds of youth. I was awakened early that morning by four armed officers from the Montgomery County Sheriff's Office. They came into my North Philly apartment and informed me that I was under arrest for failing to appear at a scheduled court hearing. I was handcuffed, shackled and led from my apartment into a squad car. I was not allowed to take my cell phone, money or any form of identification. The four officers, who were split between two squad cars, stopped for a leisurely breakfast at a Dunkin' Donuts before moving on to a residence in North Philly to arrest another man who was also behind on child support.
They arrested a Latino man near Eighth and Cambria and gave him the same cuff and shackles treatment. He spoke no English. Moments before he was led to the other squad car, neighbors rallied to his rescue and convinced the officers that it was a case of mistaken identity.
One man translated while a woman entered his home and returned with paperwork which confirmed his identity. The officers removed his shackles without so much as an apology for terrorizing and embarrassing him right on his own front steps. He puffed a cigarette furiously as we pulled away from his curb.
At the courthouse, the prosecutor tried to convince Judge Emanuel Bertin that I was a flight risk and stressed that I had not made a child-support payment or done anything for my daughter since 2009.
It was absolutely true that I had not paid anything directly to child support, but I informed the judge that my daughter Skye had actually spent a little more than a month with me during the summer of 2009 in Los Angeles, where I resided at the time. She was front and center for all of the hysterics that surrounded Michael Jackson's funeral. I also reminded him that less than 24 hours prior, I had been given an award by the mayor. He let me go immediately and set a date of July 15, 2011, for me to re-appear and explain why I was $17,000 in the hole.
In the meantime, I had a hearing in late June to update the custody agreement. Judge Kelly Wall entered a temporary agreement until she would decide on a more solid custody arrangement in October. It wasn't what I wanted, but it would have to suffice until we returned.
Before moving to California in August 2008, the agreement gave me custody of my daughter from Sunday through Wednesday, and various holidays, depending on the year. Four days and three nights. Since my daughter's mother had her from Wednesday through Sunday, four nights, the courts determined it was she who deserved to be paid child support. For years, when I would explain that to my friends and family they would look confused or wrinkle their foreheads as if I were speaking an alien language. Trust me, no one is more confused than I. I've taken care of my daughter since the day she was born and was still ordered by a court to pay child support.
That court order, so many years ago, was the beginning of the running tab that began to put me in great debt. It was not filed by the state or welfare, but by my daughter's mother, who has abused the system to the tune of more than 50 court appearances in 10 years. On Fri., July 15, I returned to the courthouse in Norristown, only to discover that I was going before a different judge than the one I saw on June 13. The experience was night and day.
I was in the presence of Judge Rhonda Lee Daniele, a loud, obnoxious woman who berated me, and others, that day as her long white hair hung over her narrow face. Daniele yelled at everyone who came before her without giving an ounce of genuine attention to what they were saying. She shuffled papers and stared around the courtroom, making it painfully obvious that she had made up her mind before the defendants had even stepped foot in her courtroom. I would learn later that an overwhelming number of men who come before her on Fridays are thrown into prison. Typically, they are ordered to pay a fine ranging anywhere from $500 to $15,000, depending on their arrears, or serve six months in jail.
It was no different when I took the stand to explain my case. She ranted like a Judge Judy wannabe and disregarded the great contribution I have made to my daughter's development. She told me that I was a poor excuse for a father and that Men United for a Better Philadelphia made a gross mistake in 2008 when they gave me a Father of the Year award. In her eyes, being in arrears on child support makes a man worthless and fit only for jail. Because after all, being a good father is all about being up to date on child-support payments. Right?
Daniele informed me that I must pay my child support first, even before I pay rent or buy my daughter a pair of shoes. Anything outside of the $532 per month payment is only a gift, she barked. I will never consider a bowl of spaghetti, getting my daughter's hair braided at a salon or providing good ol' PGW heat a "gift."
I am well aware that there are many deadbeat fathers roaming the streets of Philadelphia and its surrounding suburbs. I am the product of one. I get it. But this is not about them. This is about the millions of men who bend over backward to do right by their children and are still terrorized by the system. Statistically, it's impossible that nearly every man who comes before Daniele is a total deadbeat who deserves to be in prison. I met a middle-aged white man who did his entire six-month sentence for a mere $625 fine. It cost taxpayers more than that to provide medical and dental care, shelter and food for him for a week.
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Comments 1 - 201 of 201
1. Melva Smith said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 09:10AM
"Maybe this is a case that should not have happened, but I personally know of parents that are forced to care for their children alone and I could only be so lucky to have this happen in my case."
2. brendancalling said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 09:17AM
"during my first couple of years in Philly, I worked at a UPenn research center that collected data on fathers, with a focus on single/divorced/never-married dads. A lot of what Mr. Frisby writes about child support enforcement is supported by professional journals: it's an abusive system that doesn't accomplish what it's supposed to, with all sorts of unintended consequences. One is that many poor families don't pursue child support at all, because the system doesn't count "in-kind" child support, only money. For a low-income family, where dad may be out of work but providing five days of child care (which the system doesn't count as support), CSE is a threat, something to be avoided at all costs. And who can blame them?"
3. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 09:24AM
"You sound like a caring father, but many of us are raising our children with no help whatsoever. Sure, it doesn't make much sense to put a deadbeat dad in jail, but it also doesn't make sense to reward a father for refusing to work and punishing a mother for having a job. I have full custody of both kids, my ex refused to work for ten years while we were married and I ended up having to pay him ALIMONY. Never mind child support. So I don't think the system is biased against fathers."
4. msbenzito said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 09:32AM
"I commend you for keeping your head up while you went through this nightmare. I know your constant thoughts of your daughter keep you sane. She's blessed to have such an AWESOME DAD!!!! Stay blessed!!!!"
5. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 09:57AM
"Montgomery County Family Court is a wasteland. The Child Support system is corrupted by Title iv-d [matching] funds used to support the enforcement structure--and fathers just get steamrolled. t's everywhere, and the exploitation of children by the state, for profit, is far worse that the "Kids for Cash" scandal children who were victmized for profit by elected judges. This is a country that is eating its own children. Fight on, brother father!"
6. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 09:57AM
"When judged in the sands of time, the child support system and industry will be found profoundly abusive."
7. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 10:01AM
"When judged in the sands of time, the child support system and industry will be found profoundly abusive."
8. ThinkingLady said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 10:08AM
"This is 1 of the saddest stories I've ever read. But unfortunately this is what happens when parents can't decide arrangements among themselves and allow someone who did not create their child decide what is best for that child. The system is absolutely biased against dads. There should definitely be a change in what counts as "support". Support isn't always financial and it does matter if the dad makes purchases on behalf of the child that the mom now doesn't have to make. A badly needed pair of shoes is a badly needed pair of shoes regardless of which parent pays for it or if the mom gets the support check and then buys the shoes from it. If one parent isn't working and the other parent doesn't have to pay for daycare as a result, why wouldn't that be taken in to account. I'm glad that someone who is able to articulate their plight has decided to speak out to bring attention to the situation not just for himself but for those thousands of parents out their whom no one will hear"
9. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 10:16AM
"Nice people don't know this--because they're nice, but, not all people are well-intentioned. Some people have deep issues that are well-hidden, and intentions that are wholly selfish. Some parents, men and women, just don't have their children's best interests in mind, or they cannot put them above their own.
Women without the best intentions know...and when they don't..the bloodsucking, money-driven attorneys tell them...that a high-conflict divorce is the way they can control their children's relationship with their father AND it's a means to extract the highest-possible financial support from the father, or punish him for some perceived abuse. Using children."
10. E.Thwaites said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 10:33AM
"With the exception of being arrested I can truly relate to Mr. Frisby's child support situation. Many men in our country are good fathers that take a beating in the court system due to a break-up or divorce with the child/children's mother and her then seeking revenge. The child support system was put into place to honor "the best interest of the child", however I feel the guidelines only make a huge separation in the family structure. If you look at television in today's society you see and hear about women getting big paydays from child support, & divorce awards. What happened to the best interest of the child? If you destroy the father economically what happens to the family structure? If I had the means I would organize a March on Washington DC to get over voices heard, because it starts with the law makers. Because something is the law does not make it right. Remember slavery & women's right to vote, they were the law & they were wrong. The child support system is wrong."
11. Spencer said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 11:38AM
"Maybe I worked in the child support system for too long but I said then as I do 15 years later, if you go to jail for child support you either stupid or it is your goal. Notice, he wasn't arrested for being in arrears, he was arrested for missing a hearing."
12. Joe said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 11:57AM
"The laws need to be changed...we went from favoring the man to favoring the woman. There needs to be better balance for the sake of the kids. Why can't the judges grant 4 nights to mom one week and 4 nights to dad the next week? Then in the court's eyes it is a 50/50 share..they don't because they want to stick it to every dad."
13. alexandra said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 11:58AM
"I wish the author of this piece would take responsibility for missing his court date and for not making timely payments. Admitting it and accepting responsibilty are not the same thing.
There are many fathers, including war vets who have payments set at one level of income and then struggle when their income changes. Getting a personal attorney might help.
Child support is set up differently from state to state, county to county. Marching to Washington D.C. would only prompt a federal takeover of state's various child support systems."
14. Michael said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 12:01PM
"Better decisions, better decisions. I have no children but, i am listening to what some of you women are writing. MAKE BETTER DECISIONS ON WHO YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH. You complain about being the sole provider for your children but, the man hasn't changed since having the child. He was more than likely a deadbeat before the child and is now just being himself after the birth of your child. You all know what could happen if you let a man c*m inside you. You know you could have a child and you still allow it to happen. You know you could be stuck with a child without a father before sex even happens but, you allow it anyway and then blame the father for doing what you knew was possible from the jump. STOP IT!!!! Make better decisions."
15. AJM said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 12:29PM
"It was nice to Mister Frisby's self-centered story of injustice. It would have been even nicer to read the name his attorney (Donald Chisholm, Esquire), who did ground breaking work to secure Frisby's release from prison. Next time, do not rant so much about judges, who will have to appear before again, and give some props to your lawyer, playah."
16. C.Jefferson said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 12:30PM
"I'm a single MOTHER and I commend you for the great job that you have done with your daughter not many men can say the same thing. Yes the court system needs to be changed they let some men be in the rears for most of the childs life and never throw them in jail while others get sent away for $500 can any 1 explain that nonsense? KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! Oh and by the way theres some DEAD BEAT MOTHERS ALSO!!!!!"
17. AJMcK said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 12:41PM
""It was nice to read Mister Frisby's self-centered story of injustice. It would have been even nicer to read the name his attorney (Donald Chisholm, Esquire), who did ground breaking work to secure Frisby's release from prison. Next time, do not rant so much about judges, who will have to appear before again, and give some props to your lawyer, playah." You will need him again.
18. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 12:47PM
"I think some of us are missing the point here. This man did not pay the child support because they share 50/50 custody of the child. It is not a mistake that the system is flawed. It very well is. I have seen this 1st had with many that I know. How do you go to war with that system that rightfully does help many children get support from the dead beats."
19. Dadzrites said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 12:48PM
"Bravo! You hit the nail on the head about the county and state making obscene profit off of child support debtors and those arrested on mere allegations of domestic violence.
Under federal law, Title 42 USC Section 658(a), known as the Federal Child Support Reimbursement Incentive to the states, the states submit to the US Gov't the amount of child support ordered, collected and enforced at the end of every fiscal year. In turn, the Feds send 66-90 cents for every dollar involved, with "no strings attached". The state puts this incentive money into the treasury. And, who are the first people paid out of the treasury? State employees, who are judges and child support enforcement employees. There is a major unconstitutional conflict-of-interest going on here. Judges are setting orders so high, and refuse to modify downward in order to maintain these artificially-inflated numbers to the feds, which amounts in the hundreds of millions if not billions of dollars returned."
20. Dadzrites said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 12:57PM
"In addition to the fact that the federal reimbursement incentive monies goes directly or indirectly into judges' pensions and salaries (the more child support awarded, the more into the judicial state pensions), the US Supreme Ct. has ruled over and over (Tumey v. Ohio, Ward v. Monroeville, Gibson v. Berryhill, Aetna Life Ins. v. Lavoie, etc.) that judges who sit on cases where they have a financial interest in the outcome of those cases, must disqualify themselves or their orders are null & void and the judges can be charged with felony official misconduct and impeached.
Getting rid of the $10 BILLION/yr. child support enforcement INDUSTRY, and all the "deadwood" nasty, incompetent employees & judges that go with it, and sending the checks on the Billions saved directly to the child support recipients would end the "deadbeat dad" fraud and hysteria. Just send or wire the money like Social Security checks (since child support laws fall under Social Security laws) & problem solved."
21. Brook Panther said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 12:59PM
"I am profoundly proud of you. Please do your best to maintain the faith and the vision that you want to achieve with Skye. Faith is the key to success.
1992 Brook Panther."
22. Laverne said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 03:46PM
"I'm a female and a mother,grandmother, and great-grandmother and child support is for the child. If you are sharing custody 50/50 why should anyone be paying. Another mothers question would you rather your child/children have a relationship with there father than the money. Men no one should have to drag you into court to make you take care of something you already know you helped make. To me that would take up to much of my time going back and forward to court. Women find a job that will take care of all your bills and take care of your child. Men start handling your business. Women STOP using your child support money to get your nails, hair, new outfit and shoes and use the child support on what your suppose to use it on the children. You have to pay bills anyway I have seen this kind of behavior for years and as a women it burns my biscuts. I admire a man who handles his business. And women stop trying to turn the children against their fathers because they are with someone else."
23. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 03:58PM
"I feel your pain, bro. The child support system generally assumes the father is a deadbeat and is financially devastating to the future of the father and any new attempt he may make in trying to have a family. I've been punished by not being allowed to spend the time that I would like with my daughter and punished again by having to work two jobs just to support my family after making the devastating child support payment."
24. Kim Morris said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 04:30PM
"Too many times good guys finish last. I am just glad that you love your daughter more than you hate her mother. If i had a 50/50 partnership with my ex there would be no need for a support order. For some of us that is the only way we would get financial help. Some people take advantage and I think the courts should develop a remedy for people like that but I think this is true for most situations, if we had made better decisions about the person we decided to parent with we would be a whole lot better off! Keep up the good work good dad! :)"
25. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 05:18PM
"If 'life is like a box of chocolates' then..so is marriage. We can't know the fullness of people until we've seen them in all possible situations. Parenting changes everything and everybody. Some rise to the challenge and some shrink from it. Let's face it...many women think that fathers have no business in parenting...just in providing.
The divorce rate is at 60%. It might be lower if a segment of the population could not count on a legal system that makes mother the defacto parent more than 80% of the time."
26. K.Scott said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 05:54PM
"The actions of those in power within the legal system need to be regularly; actively monitored. I personally believe that judges like the ones mentioned in this article have become desensitized when dealing with fathers. There are mounds of deadbeat fathers from all walks of life traipsing the streets of various townships and cities within the US. I can personally attest to this since my father was a deadbeat and I am the sole caregiver of my two sons. However, not every man that finds himself before a judge due to child support arrears is a deadbeat. Each case should be reviewed in an unbiased manner. Instead of using tax dollars to lock up good fathers, why not use them to secure resources to promote justice? I find it abysmal that some mothers would so eagerly trade in the developmental growth that can be obtained for their children by nurturing a healthy relationship with fathers for their own selfish desires to hurt or take their ex for everything that they have. I WISH my sons father would have wanted to have a relationship with them, I WISH he had the desire to share custody and to aid in raising them into productive men. I WISH that I didn't have to take him to court in order to receive assistance with medical costs, school needs and basic food/shelter costs. After a year of his ducking my requests for help along with dodging phone calls from his kid's appeals for quality time I set aside my wishes, chucked my rose colored glasses and allowed reality to sink in. Mister; you are certainly not a deadbeat. Keep your head up, try not to resort to violence (trust me.. I tried that.. It doesn't work), continue to put your daughter first and keep moving ahead. She won't be a child forever and one day you will be completely free of this crooked judicial system. As far as your daughter's mother; she needs to be careful that this all doesn't come back to bite her in the behind. She's so focused on destroying you she might wind up destroying her relationship with her daughter."
27. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 07:54PM
"Judicial salaries and benefits are set by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, as are the number of judges per county. Federal child support enforcement funds disbursed to local Domestic Relations Sections to administer child support cases are wholly unrelated to judicial compensation. Any person suggesting that judges have some direct or indirect financial incentive in sending child support payors to jail is flat out incorrect."
28. TheOtherAnonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 08:04PM
"And where does the state get the money to pay judges and fund their pensions and support the overbloated beaurocracy that sends men to jail? From the basket of matching funds they get through a FOUR BILLION dollar basket of federal money that's doled out to states on a near-matching basis for every dollar awarded by that state..in support. Title iv-d. State gets to do whatever it wants with the money...but you gotta play to win. No support awarded...no monee comeee inniiee! Conlict of interest. Let's sell the kids short on parenting so we can keep that money rolling in!"
29. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 08:04PM
"There must be a special place in Dante's Hell for a parent who uses their child as a focus for their revenge.
30. Dadzrites said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 08:05PM
"Anonymous says I am flat out incorrect that judges have direct or indirect financial incentive in sending child support payors to jail. What proof do you show? Read your state treasury's pension plan breakdown and look at how judges and other gov't employees have direct pecuniary interest in child support funding tied to judicial pensions and salaries. This is common knowledge all over the United States. In fact, at a US Congressional hearing before the House Ways & Means Committee in 1997, the head of the Calif. Child Support Enforcement Division said that the states need to bring in all child support orders, including "never welfared' families, in order to get the "golden egg" of financial funding from the Feds because the states need it to balance their budgets and increase support collections to do that. Any wonder why the huge crackdown on child support payors all of a sudden, instead of real criminals??? The states are broke. Follow the money trail!!!!!!"
31. kilz said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 10:15PM
"this guy is an alcholic, that's why he's never done "drugs" and a liar."
32. Anonymous said...
on Dec 21, 2011 at 11:06PM
"The loser who says Mister is an alcoholic clearly doesn't know him. He's a fine man, a person who I am proud to have as a friend. He will survive this as he has other obstacles in his life."
33. LMC said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 07:21AM
"I commend you for being a good father and taking care of your responsibility. The problem is you tried to beat this inefficient system out of frustration, and sorry it back fired. If you are serious try to create a support group. Just like women abuse support groups, men need support for being abused by the system. You have power in numbers, and since you know a lot of people, I would encourage you to get with some lawyers and judges to first learn the law. Yes some are creeeps, but you need to get some involved with those who can help to make any changes in legislation, followed by the support of men and women from all backgrounds and income levels."
34. Lisa said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 09:17AM
"This is unbelievable. Dickensian. Reading this I was thinking of debtors' prison. Thanks for giving insight into a broken system."
35. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 10:32AM
"It is funny reading what the women are saying on here. I can only think to myself that if we as women took a step back before we laid down and made a baby with a man and really looked at him we wouldn't find ourselves with children that we are raising on our own. The system is crap and there are definitely some great men out there trying to do what is right and some that are the scum of the earth that are -- well are the scum of the earth. I wonder the mother hasn't thought about this and said you know what he does a lot let me go in here and have this revamped. It makes you wonder."
36. FLane said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 10:45AM
"I'm glad he exposed the foolishness in these court systems and their presiding judges! Good for you Mister! The people need to know! More parents in similar situations need to vocalize their experience as well!! And to the idiot with the shameless plug for the lawyer, go play in traffic. This is this man's life here and if the attorney feels he needs a light shone upon him, then he should write his own friggin story!! Who the heck cares about free advertisment for your friend...if the attorney himself didn't write that buffoonery. Get a life."
37. Cynta - Brook Panther 1993 said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 01:16PM
"Thank you for sharing your story. Continue to tell this story so this problem can be fixed and continue to be who you are to your daughter. You are in my prayers."
38. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 01:25PM
"It is interesting that he states that he HAD her for a good portion of the week. I wonder if that is the case now! He conveniently doesn't state the arrangements of visitation presently. Also, if he cares for his daughter so much why did he refuse to go to court hearings, thus getting himself arrested. The problem does not go away because you refuse to participate in a justice system that you believe is "flawed". There are ALWAYS 2 sides to every story. What are the parts YOU'RE leaving out. Rallying up support in the court of public opinion will not change facts, will not influence judges, and most certainly won't get you more legal help (since you neglect to thank your lawyer). It may earn you kudos on the street but the fact will remain that you are not doing your part. It can't always be the mother's fault. We all have a part to play."
39. Ms. Dani said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 02:07PM
"I agree...the system is crap. No real parent that is only looking out for the best interest of their child wants to be there and it saddens me that it is so often used for revenge. Im dreading going but my childs father wont provide unless I ASK him to do so...in cases like this there are no other options.
If the author is truly the father he has presented himself to be in this article than I hope things work out in your favor at your next custody hearing. Our children should not be used as pawns and parenthood is not a game."
40. Kathy said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 02:31PM
"This is most misogynistic article I have ever read. This guy clearly has issues. Pay your child support. The reason the child support system exists is because for years mothers financially supported their children with no help from the fathers. That is why it's harsh. This story just does not add up to me. No matter the "ice cream cones" or books, your child wants - child support comes first. Period. Mr. Frisby the motivational speaker and obviously has connections to the media - so why is he not paying his child support? No one gets a free pass, and spending time with your child does not add up to child support. What's wrong with working at Walmart or Burger King, if it helps you make your child support payments? We all have to work to pay our bills, child support included. This account sounds skewed to me. But any rate, maybe the money he makes from the article can be used towards a child support payment????
Also, I think its weird that he actually showed a pictures of his daughter."
41. Natasha said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 02:35PM
"OMG Kathy I thought the same thing!!! If I was his child I'd be mortified at this article. Why did he show his underage daughter? Soooo strange. It's like he put her in the middle of all this mess. THAT sure doesn't show good parenting skills...."
42. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 02:40PM
"As a man I'm embarrassed by this article. Man up and pay your child support bro."
43. Julie said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 03:29PM
"Bottom line pay your child support Mister Mann. You sound like a looser with too much time on your hands. I feel so sorry for your daughter. Why would you put her picture in the paper? I hope this article backfires on you."
44. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 03:48PM
"This is ONE side of the story - there is ALWAYS another. The truth is in the middle. Look in the mirror, fix yourself first."
45. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 04:46PM
"If I didnt know Mister Mann Frisby personally, I would appreciate this article. However, knowing Mister and his desire and need for acknowledgement, recognition and attention, I fail to believe the sincerity of his motives. If exposure of the system is needed then why not write the article as an anonymous writer? Why not write it as though you are not speaking of yourself and your situation? Why include pictures of Skye? The bottom line is to pay your child support and fight along the way.... Not fight and not pay your child support along the way. Misogynistic article is an under statement. This is exploitation of Skye and an attempt to "catch up" because your time has past. Get a job!!! No job should be "beneath" you if the end result is providing financially for Skye. I feel sorry for your daughter AND her mother. If I was YW, I would definitely produce a copy of this article to all Judges named and nail you to the wall. BUT THIS IS MISTER!!!"
46. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 04:53PM
"Mysogynistic my ___. If he has 50/50 or majority custody of his kid then why does he have to pay the woman support? Because "for years mothers have struggled"? GIVE ME A BREAK. Laws should not be designed to rule over all with an iron fist. He says that he and everyone else deserve to have their case looked at on an individual basis and he's right. My older brother had FULL custody of his daughters after the girls found mommy O.D'ed on the carpet and he STILL had to pay support for a year after he won due to judicial incompetence. This probably means some over-liberal shrill "mysogyny" screamer saw MAN next to his name and rubberstamped the financial abuse, which probably gave mom some extra money to live the "high" life without those pesky children supplies to buy. Let's be real. You aren't entitled to anything, and the all powerful nanny state is cashing in on this disgusting system, along with all the privatized portions of it (see echildspay in PA)."
47. not a deadbeat dad said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 05:39PM
"The Family court system in Philly sucks it's not always the dad who is the deadbeat. I was railroaded by a deadbeat mom. She got full custody and I had to pay child support while she milked the system, and now my daughter is older and has since moved in with me. I can't get the mother to pay child support, I can't get any type of assistance. The whole time that she collected welfare and child support, I still had to support the child while the mother spent her weekends at the local casinos. I'm just barely getting by, but i'm doing what I have to do to take care of my kid.
The courts need to look at each case by case, the mother is not always the victim."
48. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 06:32PM
"Believable and True! Mr. Mann, if you think Montgomery County is bad, you were lucky, Philadelphia is atrocious. While we as men decide whom to lie down with we do NOT think of what it will cost.
Yes, all children deserve a father that is loving, a provider and a man. Your exposure of the flawed system that perpetuates family seperation is know all too well.
While men may not be perfect, the effort exhibited to contibute to raising your children is what parenting is all about.
I just wonder how long the system will continue to permit those parasitic women who collect child support, move the child to another state while using an address where the support order was filed, and for 18 years work the system to their advantage. You do not have to be a dead beat father to have a support order filed against you; just a woman scorned with a grudge.
I commend and honor all women that struggle to be single parents.
It's time to create an organization to eliminate the disparit.y"
49. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 06:34PM
"These women posting on this article have an entitlement mentality that they should be getting support and more of it. I say fine. Then let's tax child support like any other income and see how fast women will say they want it and want more of it. Let's make the support accountable. Social Security makes disabled people with children account for how much they spend on the minor children. They use Form SSA-6230 to do this. Let's use the same form for all child support expenditures on a quarterly basis.
If women want to complain so much about not getting support, or enough of it to their liking, maybe they shouldn't have custody if they can't properly support their children. Reverse custody to fathers. I'm sure there are millions of divorced fathers out there that would have no problem supporting and raising their children PROPERLY."
50. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 07:30PM
"More government waste and mismanagement and just another way for people to abuse the system on the taxpayer's dime. Yes, it takes two people to make a child. It takes one person to have the child. The man should want to be involved... but here's an idea. How about waiting until you're married before you decide to lay down with a man and have unprotected sex? You are both doing something that may bring a life into the world. People point to "bad decisions" and the man needs to pay. While that may be true, that doesn't mean that he must surrender all rights and be forced to by the state. It's unconstitutional, counterproductive to society, and promotes entitlement mentality... and the WORST part about it is it discourages marriage/responsible behavior and it's the children who suffer the most. The state should not serve as a father-by-proxy, and it DEFINITELY should NOT be profiting on the side of social decay."
51. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 09:38PM
"I know Mister and I know for a FACT he DOES NOT HAVE 50/50 custody of his daughter. That is a LIE. A lot of what is stated in this article are lies. People don't know him. I do. He's a liar."
52. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 09:51PM
"I don't know Mr. Frisby or his situation personally. However, I have noticed that especially in the comments to this article that women are being attacked and the article itself does have an undercurrent of misogyny. Yes, misogyny. Most people are berating women and it is sickening. There is a reason these systems are in place and if they are unfair then fight within the system. It is unnecessary to publicly criticize the mother of your child and exploit you child in a news article. If the child support order is unfair by all means fight against it, seek a modification, but writing an article to attempt to ridicule women who seek child support is disgusting."
53. Ms.Jones said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 10:01PM
"As a grandmother I am concerned about the child being pictured in this article. She should not have been shown."
54. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 10:27PM
"I do not think anyone is really disputing that the system is faulty and has failed in many cases. Once again, I say and stand firm, this could have been from an anonymous writer and the same point of the system would have been noted. This man is thirsty and this article proves it. Thirsty for sympathy, attention, and what 10 mins of fame he can get. He enjoys being the topic of conversation (good or bad). Those who know this man know the reality of it all; those who do not know Mister will continue to rant and rave in his defense. Once again, I say, get a job!! The ONLY victim in this article is his daughter..... Both male and females can be dead beats but the mentally unstable are the ones who write articles about being a dead beat and try to justify it. He needs therapy. AND A JOB!!!!"
55. Anonymous said...
on Dec 22, 2011 at 11:19PM
"It sickens me that every time a man complains about women being abusive physically, financially, or emotionally, he is called "misognystic". He was not even attacking the mom in this article. The system is corrupt plain and simple and I am glad he made himself public. Hopefully it will have a major impact someway for change!"
56. Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 08:06AM
"How dare a man suggest a woman not to lay with a man, have unprotected sex and have a kid with someone who gave them no official commitment other than a night with no condom? It's MISOGYNISTIC to suggest that a woman can't sleep with who or whatever stumbles into her house then not demand the state to extract a pound of flesh with threats and use of force! Women should be allowed to lay up with anyone, and the man and taxpayer must play surrogate. Marriage, commitment and maternal responsibility are secondary in today's emasculated society. I certainly can't wait until our welfare state gone wild collapses. It's only a matter of time."
57. MomOf3 said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 08:21AM
"For anyone who feels he should just " man up" & make the payments, I think you've totally missed the point of this article. Parents who have shared custody should not be required to pay child support. Both parents Are maintaining a household for the child...so why should either parent have to pay anything? I am a mother of 3. My oldest kids 'donor' did absolutely NOTHING for my kid. I gave him 7 years to try to develop a good relationship with my kid & he never attempted to do so. So I filed for support. My oldest is almost 18 & their has still been no attempt at a relationship. That's the definition of a DEADBEAT. The father of my 2 youngest children has been there since day one. He has the best relationship ever with our children & we share in the custody of them. I would never think of taking him to court for support. He provides & maintains a household just like i do. We share in the responsibility of caring for & raising our kids. I totally feel for this young man. "
58. Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 09:11AM
"This is typical Mister Mann Frisby. Exploiting Skye for the sake of his agenda. I agree...YW should take this article to the courts and show ALL the judges how he feels. Its funny how he forgot to elaborate on his reasoning for being in front of Judge Thomas Delricci in the first place. That was not for child support nor custody. But again, that is typical Mister Mann Frisby. Omitting unfavorable truths. Getting job is not something he will do, unless it works for his narcissistic EGO."
59. PS said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 10:31AM
"It is sad and disheartening when our judicial system does not work. However, Mister Frisby it is ironic that you mock this same system that has kept you out of jail for so long when you should have been locked up years ago. You are $17,000 in arrears and that amount has been growing every day since the last court hearing because you haven't paid a dime. I guess that when you are locked up again we can expect another article. But that is not the real issue at hand. It is a shame when people so in the public eye as remarkable figures in the community turn out to not be the people we truly think they are. When those actions are finally discovered (as they usually are) people are shocked and astonished because of course that person "could never do such a thing.""
60. PS said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 10:41AM
"(cont)To all of those who believe from this article that Mister has 50/50 custody of his daughter: He does not and has not ever been granted such. He has every other weekend and 4 hours during the week. To all of those who think he is a such a great person because he mentors youth and has won awards, please don't be misguided. He is a manipulator and controlling and can not handle when he does not get his way. He mentions his lack of criminal record without mention his arrests. Mister you can lie in court and you can lie on paper but you are abusive verbally and physically and you can't lie to those who have actually witnessed it as I have. Funny how you mention what "other upset fathers" threaten to do to the women they have children by. Why not mention what you have actually done? What your daughter herself has witnessed. You can continue to use the media as a stage for your elaborate puppet play but in the end all bad comes to light. Continue to try garner sympathy while you can."
61. PS said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 11:25AM
"I commend my friend who works not 1 but 2 jobs to support your daughter while you scoff the court's suggestions at employment when you produce no sustainable income. You think providing ice cream, hair-braiding and exposing her to the antics of the Michael Jackson funeral are noteworthy? How about a bed in your home? How about ensuring her school work is completed on your weekends for the school her mother found to send her to in attempts at providing a higher level of education to her regardless of the great distance she has to travel every day to get her there? You had her for a month because you were gone for a year of your own choice. You paid nothing for her support while you pursued your dreams. Most don't know the real you Mister Mann Frisby and I admit I would have never believed it either. You are unfortunately the epitome of a deadbeat just as the judge declared. I pray for your daughter's sake that this article doesn't hurt her any more than your previous antics have."
62. Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 11:26AM
"In New Jersey, at least, Family Court is not guided by the law, rather by nebulous case law, which frequently has no bearing on the issues at hand. Unfortunately, there is no legal presumption that parents will share joint custody of their children after a divorce or dissolution of their relationship. This is fundamentally wrong in a system that claims to serve the best interests of the children, since it clearly is in the best interest of the children to have BOTH parents involved in their care and rearing (except in extreme circumstances, of course). There are organizations that support people who get screwed in family court, and help navigate the process. The pendulum has swung far to the other side, and Family Court can now be better described as women's court. BOTH parents are responsible to support their children. The states will not seek reform of a system that nets them 66 cents from the fed for every dollar they collect."
63. Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 11:41AM
"Sad to see that the women's anti-defamation league has kicked in somewhere between comments 32 and60.
Check your popular culture and the radio and tv who pander to the [audience of women30-45] notion that all men are abusers and deadbeats.Thank the movies and tv that give you 'three men and a baby", everybody loves Raymond, and a thousand other shows that characterize men as boors, boobs and social or parental incompetents.
And what you get is MISANDRY...the same misandry that sees over 85% of men in non-custodial roles.
I don't know this guy..or his wife..or the case. But look around.
With a divorce rate at 60% YOU must know some man whose
entire life's work,half or more of his net income, and children are in someone else's hands...because of a system, and a society, that panders to women, subjugates men, and profits immensely. In the long term, the consequences to society will be disastrous. In the near term, who cares? Go take a bath in your money!"
64. Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 12:12PM
"Pennsylvania Child Support Laws sucks as a whole! They punish hard-working dads, who actually take care of their kids, just because their child's mother want to abuse welfare. Fathers have to 2nd guess spending extra money outside of child support, because anything outside the court order is a "gift"! The judge tell you to get a 2nd job if you're struggling, just to increase your support order at the mother's request. They do not put a father's other offspring or mortgage into consideration. If a father want money for his other offspring, then his other "baby mom" has to sue for child support! Who voted for the idiots, who made unjust child support laws?"
65. Concerned said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 12:12PM
"I know Mister as well and I can also attest to the fact that he does not have Skye 50/50 of the time. He had 50/50 custody when she was younger, and of course there was no child support then. Child support started when there was no longer 50/50 custody. Also, as PS stated he went to California for a year to pursue his writing and did not see her except for a month when she visited. He did not pay a dime of child support then either. That is why the Judge was irrate with him. He willfully did not pay child support when he did was out of the state for a year and when he came back. Nothing. He saw her intermittently and now sees for ONE day a week and EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. That's why he has to pay child support people. I'm angered that Philadelphia Weekly allowed such misrepresentation to be printed."
66. Daddy University Inc said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 12:46PM
"At our company we experience this every day. The court system was set up for the best care for children. It has turned into the greatest harm to children, second to guns. It is no place for families to find relief. Please join us at our National Fatherhood Conference, June 18th PA convention center or at our weekly fatherhood classes at the west phila YMCA. It is time for us to push for solution for the sake of our children. As parents we VOTE, judges, polititians into office and OUT of office. Question them the next time they want your vote on the rights of fathers/children/parents."
67. Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 01:01PM
"I know exactly what you are talking about, It happened to me... I was married and living in the home providing and my wife at the time went down and filed child support because I didn't want to pay to have her nails done. This has haunted me for 7 years now and the system doesn't listen to us, no one is on the father's side we have no voice. So many mothers take advantage of this and hurt the father's even after the relationship is over!"
68. Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 01:22PM
"Unfortunately there are many women who take advantage of the child support system and utilize it to their advantage and not to that of the child. It happens a lot as a way for them to get even. But it doesn't seem like that is the case here from reading the story and comments. I'm sure there is more to this story then we can see. Equally there are MANY "fathers" who honestly do not do what is need to provide for or even acknowledge the children they created. The author should not have put his daughter on the cover of the paper for a story such as this. As a mother I can only imagine what conflicting emotions this child would feel as a result. I don't know either party involved but I hope for the little girl's sake that these 2 parents can work things out. Our society has reached this point because morals just aren't present anymore. Corrupt systems, deadbeat dads/moms, child delinquents all go hand in hand. We can't fix one alone and expect the others to go away."
69. pinespar said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 01:28PM
"Hunterdon County, New Jersey Family Court is no different. Specifically, Judge Hany Mawla is very bias against men. I am a dead beat dad who, over the last 4 1/2 years, have paid over $329,000 in "pendente lite" to my son's mother and yet have been incarnated twice for being behind in my pendente lite payments. The Court has played a significant role in helping to alienate my son from me through its actions against me. Unfortunately my son suffers the most in this. Family Court Judges need to be made accountable for their actions which, more often than not, violate the law. Judge Hany Mawla was appointed by Governor Chris Christi, who held the appointment of the first Muslim judge to Superior Court bench as an example of New Jersey's religious diversity. Unfortunately Judge Mawla, as his record shows, is very bias against men and is a strong advocate for women's rights. A Judge should not be an advocate for women's or men's rights he should be an advocate for everyone's rights without gender bias. Judge Mawla kept me incarnated for two months or until I paid $53,000 to my son's mother. Ultimately I was released after payment of $3,000 for health insurance premium. Where is the logic in that??? I could not work while incarcerated any yet my "pendent lite "arrearage kept building to the tune of $6100/ month. Am I angry, you bet, however these types of abuses by our Court Systems of men's and children's rights will not end until the Federal Government stops subsidizing these actions through payments to the states. These subsidies fund the Family Court system and pay for Judges Retirement pensions, for clerks in the courts, and the court sheriffs and bailiffs as well as all court administrators. More to come…………….."
70. Don'tBeConcerned, Concerned said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 01:29PM
"Let's assume the whole article is lies.
That doesn't mean there's not a problem.
Carol Rhodes reported about it as a system insider in her book: "Friend of the Court, Enemy of the Family".
Whatever works to shed light on the situation is for society's and our children's ultimate benefit.
Commending Philadelphia weekly for not feeding into and off of yer usual narcissistic women-only culture. Hope it doesn't hurt ad revenues too much!
71. Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 01:47PM
"I don't know of anyone that has 50/50 custody paying child support? Why did he miss the hearing? Child support is worked out by a formula based on your salary. Maybe he should give up his vain attempt to be a media star and get a job as a reporter, the economy was in fine shape before started his quest to be the male "Oprah""
72. Wrong,Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 01:58PM
"Child support is worked out on formula based NOT on your salary,but on your "earning potential". Which is based on the HIGHEST amount of money you earned in the last five years, with lots of wiggle for the Custody Master to make suppostions based on your education level, etc...without any necessary knowledge of the industry you work in.
So if you're self-employed and you had one great year in five where your ship came in...say you earned 100K in one banner year...but your ship has currently left port and you're lucky to make 40K..guess what? Your earning potential is 100K!
Do you pay your own health insurance? Too bad--it's not factored out of your net pay before the determination of support
And yes, people with 50/50 custody DO pay child support.
Read the law, if you like. But seeing it as applied is another [and often very different] matter."
73. Andrea Marshall said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 02:19PM
"I thoroughly enjoyed this article, it was well written from a sad experience. Unfortunately, this happens too often to good men who are good fathers. It is sad that the parents could not have worked matters out without concerning the courts. I don't know the other side in this story, but sometimes we, as women, become vindictive and our children suffer, the man who is providing for our child(ren) suffer as well. I thank God for the relationship I have with my son's father. We have remained constant friends for the sake of our son, who is 18, and his well being, mentally, physically and spiritually has always been our first priority over anything else. I will be praying for this young man, his daughter and her mother. For a child, there is nothing like seeing their parents get along and spending quality with them, whether together or separately. God bless you Mister Mann Frisby. Continue to do what you do for your beautiful daughter and God will see you through."
74. Jay said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 02:24PM
"I can totally relate. I have a daughter who I am not allowed to see because her mother has brainwashed her by telling her I do not love her, I do not want to spend time with her and I do not want to pay for her. I have not seen my daughter since my mother's funeral in April 2008. The lies my ex tells to my daughter are straight up mental child abuse. Prior to us getting divorced, I set up visitation for dinner every Wednesday and every other weekend. It never happened! She had sex with several of my so-called friends, got pregnant then cozied up to me to have sex one night so she could cover her ass. I found out the child was not mine, but I still love her. She then filed for child-support knowing that the child was not mine. I am forced to pay for her but I am not allowed to see her. The court/judges will tell you to hire an attorney, knowing you cannot afford it while paying support. When you address the court and tell them that the child is not yours, they say hire an attorney and get DNA testing done which costs $2,500 just to get it started. If you address the court with and deny paternity, the court should automatically have the testing done for the alledged father...this would stop paternity fraud! the child support system is set up to put men in jail so the county can make money. My ex sat in court and did not deny the child was not mine. When asked by a Master if their was a discrepancy in paternity, my ex said "no comment". The entire Pennsylvania Child Support System needs to be overhauled and all babys that are born in Pennsylvania should be tested at birth to ensure that the parents are the parents, so later on down the road, if their is a divorce, at least Paternity Fraud will not come into play. Child support is nothing more than racketeering."
75. TruthIs said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 02:34PM
"The truth is:
-Lawyers make a lot of money from high-conflict divorces.
-The state makes a lot of money from high-conflict divorces.
-The Bar Association endorses judicial candidates.
-Judges are nothing but elected lawyers, over-empowered and immune, chosen as candidates from a select, inner-circle of an industry with a vested interest to maintain its profitability.
The truth is:
The middle-class is being destroyed in this process.
You cannot elect this away. You have to legislate it back to Hell.
The truth is..our society is destroying itself by creating generations of children who are "At Risk".
Jerry Sandusky, Anyone?
Thirty percent of "At Risk Kids" are children from single-parent families. Look it up.
We, as society, have to find away to end this, by putting aside our differences as men and women and placing our collective children out of reach of the maw of this Beast."
76. JWil said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 02:46PM
"I commend you for coming forward with your story. Having gone through support court and other family related courts I know how draining and hurtful this process can be. If you are unaware, there are several groups locally in Philly to help fathers with these type issues. You might want to reach out to one because there is strength in numbers. Hang in there and be encourage that this too shall pass."
77. Jay said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 02:57PM
"The entire Pennsylvania Child Support System needs to be overhauled! Paternity fraud is running rampant throughout the system. All babys should be tested at birth and this would eliminate Paternity Fraud."
78. Anonymous said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 03:31PM
"Sorry,Jay..but that's Orwellian.And believe me, I feel your pain. The thing to more want is the State the H*ll as far away as possible from Children."
79. CheckOnChildSupport said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 10:24PM
"For those parents having Child Support/Family Court Order issues, please visit our site. http://www.checkonchildsupport.com
80. email@example.com said...
on Dec 23, 2011 at 11:10PM
"Wow. See? This is why you have to PAY ATTENTION to people when they show you who they are, especially BEFORE you lie down and have children with them. (I don't know if Mr. Frisby's child was planned or a surprise, but the point stands.) Believe me, if you pay enough attention and don't live in denial, people will, more often than not, show you exactly who they are. And did I read that correctly? This dude was $17,000--SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS--in arrears on his child support payments? That didn't happen overnight--it occurred over a period of years, presumably enough time to fight tooth and nail for a modification. Sounds to me as if he dropped the ball. Having said that, it is clear that the child's mother is a raving c---, as is that man-hating judge. And it really does sound as if there is something seriously wrong with the system, and that it needs to be overhauled. This is me, so glad that I'm a gay man and would therefore not likely find myself in his position."
81. Anonymous said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 02:51AM
"This sounds downright dickensian."
82. Seriously? said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 05:44AM
"@Wrong,Anonymous-child support is calculated on a state by state basis. Earning potential can be the determining factor, OR a set formula based on current income can be used. There is no SINGLE, national standard used to determine the payment amount. Also, judges are often able to use their discretion. The reason men can go get their child support payments reduced because they lose a job, or make less money than previously, is because many states use a formula based on CURRENT INCOME. Also, if the mother's salary is greatly increased child support can be adjusted accordingly."
83. Really, seriously? said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 08:38AM
"Because my wife earns nearly 100K...and I pay over 25K yearly.
Gee..maybe you should be my attorney since you're so smart!"
84. @Seriously said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 12:31PM
"Re: this comment:
"Also, judges are often able to use their discretion."
[You mean AB ..use]
Judges MAY get to decide support, if a number is contested..but otherwise..here in PA...some petty bureaucrat feeds your numbers into a computer, gets a number back [in my case...rubs his neck and says.."Whoa! That's high! but...there it is..."] and there you are.
Earning capacity, a beautiful thing.
What judge is going to argue with a computer, after all?
Unless the payor was a woman.
See..There's the law...and then there's judicual discretion...which means "there ain't no law". Judges cross the line each and every day.
With complete immunity!
Wheeee! every judge a King!
85. Jamaal said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 03:12PM
"Jay you are such as joke. you know damn well you haven't gotten in touch with your kids the last 4 years because your current wife won't allow you to cause she runs your life. You are nothing but a low down crackhead that cares about nobody and nothing but yourself and where your next hit comes from. So before you get on this site again and try to perputrate another fraud like you are you need to start paying your child support and call your kids and grandkids. I really hate and dispise people like you. Get your life together and grow the balls to be a man. Don't let your current wife get in the way of you and your children."
86. Jamaal A. said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 03:18PM
"Jay you are such as joke. you know damn well you haven't gotten in touch with your kids the last 4 years because your current wife won't allow you to cause she runs your life. You are nothing but a low down crackhead that cares about nobody and nothing but yourself and where your next hit comes from. So before you get on this site again and try to perputrate another fraud like you are you need to start paying your child support and call your kids and grandkids. I really hate and dispise people like you. Get your life together and grow the balls to be a man. Don't let your current wife get in the way of you and your children."
87. Anonymous said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 03:38PM
""Pay your child support!" "Pay your child support!" Have another beer and let's watch the game. Nothing wrong here in "Merica. "Pay your child support!" "Man up!"
Stop whining that the payments are set so high that you can hardly support yourself. Stop whining that you never get to see your children. who are you to see them, anyway? Pay your child support!
Here's my Christmas Wish for people who say this:
Let you or someone dear to you meet and marry a beautiful professional woman.
Let them have a child the man adores.
let that man mortgage YOUR house to build his family's house.
Let that beautiful professional woman have an affair at work.
Let her decide that you or your dear one are just baggage now..
Let her tell the judge you or your dear one is an abuser...
Let her take the house and that child and leave your dear one managing the grief and holding the bag.
And THEN turn to that dear person of yours and say "Pay your Child Support. Man up! Let's have a beer!"
88. Anonymous said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 03:48PM
"@sweetfunkystuff....Mister is a gay man too and still wound up finding himself in his situation."
89. Jamaal A. said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 05:42PM
"I am sooooo.... Posses off about what Jay has to say. I know him personally and he is a real piece of shit that walks around like he is hot shit. U are a crackhead awhile. Besides ur ex la way better in the bed Then Hiedi."
90. ko kull said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 06:38PM
"that judge sounds like a piece of garbage. child support comes in many denominations. time. meals.homework help. advice. a saturday matinee. hair-braiding. shoe shopping. and letting the child vent about a mean girl at school or a crush. NOT JUST CA$H."
91. steve said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 06:48PM
92. bkm said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 09:10PM
"Any talented writer should be able to craft a persuasive argument - and this is just what this is. I would caution readers to tread lightly, however, before empathizing with the author.
I grew up with a single mother and a father that adored me. I spent weeks in the summer with him, he bought me lots of nice cloths, and toys my mom would never buy because she couldn't afford to. HOWEVER, all the time my dad spend during summers and on weekends, the money he paid for clothes three times a year, and the toys he bought sporadically, DID NOT amount to what my mother had to pay to keep a roof over my head, food in the cupboards, and pay the utilities, school trips, pay for gas & travel expenses, childcare, and other daily necessities. It seems as if many of the men who've complained about paying child support so that a mother can get her nails done is selfish and misguided just as the author is."
93. Anonymous said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 09:18PM
"I don't know if this has been said but Mister is gay. He acts like a theatrical drama seeking woman. He is also the wrong person to speak on such an important topic that truly needs change. This article would have been effective by a parent who is in good financial standing with child support and actively spending time with his child. I am sorry for his child. Get a job and stop ranting and writing ten page articles. Stop defaming your daughters mom. Guess what idiot every time you write or talk about her she wins and your daughter is the only person loosing. looser!"
94. @bkm said...
on Dec 24, 2011 at 10:17PM
Every father who pays support IS paying the expenses you credit only to your mom.
Oh...and his own besides...and his children's when in his care.
Any father of divorce who is up to date AND involved [to whatever extent the court allows him to be] is doing double duty--and getting all the hate in these threads,"
95. SeriouslySays said...
on Dec 25, 2011 at 08:03AM
"Regardless of your personal situation all of this..."child support is calculated on a state by state basis...There is no SINGLE, national standard used to determine the payment amount...is true." Judges of all types abuse the system on multiple levels during various legal proceedings. My previous post was not judgement it was simply a fact. There is tons of information on the internet about state statutes. If you are having an unfair experience get a lawyer, educate yourself on the laws in your state. If you cannot afford a lawyer there may be resources (free legal counsel) provided by nonprofit advocate groups for fathers. Research and educate yourself."
96. Seriously, Seriously said...
on Dec 25, 2011 at 08:36AM
"Seriously, you're ignorant.
Perhaps this is due to your intelligence.
You can read. Good for you.
I can read, too.
I read every day...the law..which is plain as black and white...which says that men and women stand on equal footing, blah blah blah.
The only way to get a real education in law is to stand before any judge you like, in any state you like, and watch the impact discretion can have on the outcome.
There might as well be no law. Throw away your books. Forget what you 'know'.
Please, those of you like Seriously, who feel compelled to impart your wisdom and knowledge of the law and the rules...stop your mouths.
Or I'll wish upon you true knowledge of the law of this jungle."
97. Melva L. Smith said...
on Dec 25, 2011 at 03:26PM
"It is Christmas day and I'm reading through everyone's comments. I am able to see everybody's side in this, but as I sit here, my children's father is over $75,000. in arrears and is, and has been in hiding from the authorities for fear of being thrown in prison, for years. He has even gone to such lenghths as leaving the state. Me, I couldn't escape caring for my children even if I wanted to. As it stands, I am their sole supporter. Men like this should be thrown in prison and the key just tossed. It also became relevant to me that a lot of the men talking here are probably child evaders too. Sad, just too sad!"
98. DearMelva said...
on Dec 25, 2011 at 06:37PM
"I'm one of the men talking here. I've paid over 120K in child support in the last five years.Does ANYBODY think that's high? Believe it or not..it's not my major issue. the major issue is I want to see my children..and their mother won't allow it..does everything she can to snuff the relationship.
So...the system is a mess because it destroys families..destroys children's relationship with caring fathers...and ruins people.
Good for you...you seem to have sole custody and your ex is a felon. What every woman wants! What's to complain about? Merry Chrstmas.!!!"
99. Anonymous said...
on Dec 25, 2011 at 08:51PM
"The gay comments are immature and irrelevant...that's just hate. As for the people that "know" him, this article has nothing to do with you personally, so the name calling is not necessary...once again, hate. There is an issue with the system, if his attacking of it isn't to your liking, fine, at least he is attacking something. I'm not defending his situation, I got problems of my own, but I am commending his effort for change. To the intern or girlfriend/boyfriend who wants him to thank his lawyer - For what? Doing his job. FOH. Lawyers don't need/want thanks, they want money. If he got it, shut up."
100. Anonymous said...
on Dec 25, 2011 at 10:45PM
"I am anonymous and can say whatever I want about a man who put his own name on an article. My ANONYMOUS opinion should be trusted over a man who put his own name on an article. I will continue to talk trash ANONYMOUSLY and also mock Mr. Frisby for putting his own name on this article as though there is something wrong with posting his own name publicly and there is everything OK about attacking Mr. Frisby ANONYMOUSLY."
101. Puff said...
on Dec 25, 2011 at 11:10PM
"@Anonymous - Comment 100 - Who are you quoting? They definitely sound bi-polar..."
102. Syd said...
on Dec 26, 2011 at 02:33AM
"I feel his pain and have dealt with an over the top mother for 15 years, who loves to run back and forth to court for whatever she feels she's entitled to or wants. Back and forth 14 times in court, 4 mediation attempts, and 3 family counselors later, the system still only focuses on CASH, CASH, CASH! I've been an active & paying father from day 1, and have to battle just to see my daughter as previous court orders have mandated. I have sat through many hearings for other visitation/support cases, and case after case only focused on money to pay out. Mothers refusing visits or hiding children didn't receive the same attention or aggression as fathers just 3 or 4 months behind. My advise to ALL MEN, if you can't stay on top of your payments or lose your job, GO BACK TO COURT for an adjustment. As long as an order is in place, you going to pick up a rolling tab that will not be reduced or excused by not acknowledging it. Don't give the judge the latitude to lock you up."
103. Jamaal A. said...
on Dec 26, 2011 at 02:17PM
"Actually I was referring to Jay from comments 74 & 77 a far a bin being a crackhead. He knows it, his wife knows it, his ex knows, and most of all so does his kids. But he on here commenting like he is a father. Grade A piece of Shit"
104. attorney said...
on Dec 26, 2011 at 04:11PM
"I bet the custody judge won't change the custody order because Mister is only seeking the change to try to relieve his liability for child support. Mister should know that the $17000 (and counting) will stay with him until it is paid off (evn if it is after the child turns 18). Mister is a deadbeat. There is something seriously wrong with him."
105. @attorney said...
on Dec 26, 2011 at 07:12PM
"Hey attorney..
Go die.
Of course the judge suspects that. That's what everyone suspects.
All the time. Heaven help men.
And what do you call 30,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
106. Anonymous said...
on Dec 26, 2011 at 09:44PM
"bkm #92
I am in total agreement with you and I have NO empathy for this fellow.
Time spent with the child 50/50 does not justify the abscense of financial support. What about daycare expenses,maybe this is why deadbeat had to pay child support.
Fathers and Mothers pay your child support and emotionally support your children, grow up for the sake of your precious children.
Anything LESS is ABUSE!!!!!!!
107. Anonymous said...
on Dec 27, 2011 at 10:19AM
"I am a woman and I definitely believe the system is flawed and bias to women. SOME men do as they are ruled to and still get a bad name, more court time and some jail too. But in this case... Mister Mann Frisby is NOT that man and should not be a spokes person for ANY platform that required integrity. For the men that are PAYING, WORKING and taking care of their responsibilities, my heart goes out to you and I hope for a revamping of such flaw regulations for you.
Mister Mann Frisby took this platform for "embittered fathers" as another attempt to talk wrecklessly while not working. AND to exploit his daughter and attach her beautiful face to the foolery just shows the real person he is. Self indulged, egotistical, narcissistic part-time dad that should have not have been vindictive towards Skye's mother just to make a statement and he WOULD not be here. She is not innocent either, but for him to grandstand as the victim is so cowardly. I speak from first dealing with him."
108. Anonymous said...
on Dec 27, 2011 at 11:23AM
"I'm really tired of this entire SUBJECT because support is not and should not be based STRICTLY on the Dad's finances. Speaking from experience: MENTAL SUPPORT is priceless!!!! Don't misunderstand my opinion, EXample: My dad, instead of mom, teaching me to ride a bike, talks from the view of a man, ETC. Those trips to McDonald's were priceless. Too many mom's don't use the money for the kid! A lot of them choose to live beyond their means with the help of the child support! People, media, and especially baby mom's talk all of that jazz! Please! Each case should be viewed differently and be determined by the overall picture! Ok he's broke..then show up to help with homework and things like that! Most men are in C.S. court because the mom's are scorned! The entire justice system needs to be REVISED. How is it that a mom can receive Public Welfare before the paternity of the father has been determined and then he has to pay the money back????!!!!
109. Anonymous said...
on Dec 27, 2011 at 11:37AM
"It's AMAZING how people talk "SMACK" using an alias......YOU COWARDS! All child support case are different,but use one set of rules! This man has major accomplishments that have yet to payoff! As soon as he hits it big all of you HATERS & FAKE FRIENDS with an alias, will have your hands out. I bet that his BM knew that he was aiming to be famous, thought she had because of the child, and things went bad because he hasn't made it big yet! If he was a rapper...she would still be in the video! HATERS will be haters and all men with children who are not financially stable are deadbeats! ESPECIALLY IN THIS WEAK ECONOMY!
110. Anonymous said...
on Dec 27, 2011 at 03:36PM
"109..Anonymous.. If anyone will have their hands out... it will be to be PAID BACK of all the money he has gotten from his "fake friends"! Let him keep trying to pull the wool over people's eyes. Yall gone learn today. lol He is a joke."
111. Anonymous said...
on Dec 27, 2011 at 08:13PM
"Recently the PA Superior Court issued a "King's Bench" Order recusing ALL of the Montgomery County, PA judges from hearing a civil case brought against one of their own. Someone named in Mr. Frisby's article, in fact.
So...if the State ITSELF issues such a vote of no confidence against its own elected judiciary..in the belief that a judge...any judge..cannot be trusted to render an impartial decision against his 'peers'...
just what in the hell should we expect from them...and why are they empowered to make decisions about Children at all?
The state sets a shining example for us, friends.
Never trust a judge with your Children."
112. Reed Richards said...
on Dec 28, 2011 at 10:35AM
"Rhonda Lee Danielle, Judge, is a bitch-- this much is true. But, you should have obtained an good N-town attorney early on and I guarantee this would have been much different. You got screwed, but you screwed up too."
113. Alexis K. said...
on Dec 29, 2011 at 01:42PM
"I am a single mother who never went after my daughters father for child support. He made a decision not to be in her life 8 week into my pregnancy. The day we stopped speaking he called me from family court asking me to pay approx $1800 dollars in fines for him not paying child support on his first child. From that moment on, I decided I wasnt doing that to my child, nor has he made any effort. People asked me why I never went after him and I answered that what its worth?? A few extra bucks and a lifetime of aggravation. Then I read this story and can not believe that the courts do not take into consideration the custody agreement and the time spent with each parent. My daughters father acts like she doesnt exist.... now thats a deadbeat father not those who make every effort possible to have their kids in their lives and do rigth by them."
114. Anonymous said...
on Dec 29, 2011 at 04:58PM
"A deadbeat can mean different things to different people. There are so many ranges in this spectrum. A father that participates in his child's life by seeing them and spending time with them is doing what he is supposed to be doing on one level. But if that same father does not provide anything toward that child's physical needs, then what? There are a lot of father's that see their child, buy's them a trinket or too and treats them to a fun time on the weekend's or whatever time they have them. Daddy's house is for fun but then there is mommy. Mommy who has to work to pay for healthcare, daycare, food throughout the month, a bigger place so the child has their own room, clothes, homework and other afterschool activities. Daddy has the option of not getting a job or holding out for that ideal position that he wants because mommy will make sure the child's needs are met. It's sad when mother's get so appreciative that a father is just around and "acts like the child exists". So sad."
115. Nupe said...
on Dec 29, 2011 at 05:37PM
"I see my other comment was deleted. Maybe it was too threatening so I will tone this one down for you for your user guidelines. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR MY LETTERS. You are a poor rep for my frat and many of us are beyond irked that you weaseled your way in. But you are and always will be paper. Know that for the fact it is! You are not respected and being a poor excuse for a father aint helping things. You are a joke that isn't funny but we still are laughing at your dumb a$$."
116. Reed Richards said...
on Dec 30, 2011 at 09:03AM
"To #115 and your ilk. Please take that ish someplace else. Who cares about your fraternity. Who cares about your personal grudges. Shut the F up. This is about the thousands of families who are affected by shoddy laws that govern divorce and custody of children. Shut that other ish down."
117. Anonymous said...
on Dec 30, 2011 at 10:24PM
"TO#116...I beg to defer,if a father elects to be a part of a prestigious fraternal organization (Frat and Masons included) then i believe that He should be held accountable for taking care of his dependants. Frat and Masonry Executive Board would you reinterate to the brothers that "their children are the future........" take care of them and feed them. THIS IS NOT A JOKE....THE FATHERS HEARTS NEED TO TURN UNTO THEIR CHILDREN!"
118. Anonymous said...
on Jan 1, 2012 at 07:25PM
119. Anonymous said...
on Jan 3, 2012 at 12:36PM
"Why in the world would Mister plaster his Daughters pictures on. Facebook what next asking 4 donations 2 care 4 her??? All he does is brag about what he had... ..Hes a poor excuse 4 a so call man 2 use his daughter 2 get symphony.. NO MISTER IS DEAD BEAT DAD ..."
120. Proud Mother said...
on Jan 3, 2012 at 02:11PM
"I reside in the largest county in Georgia where there are currently 430,000 child support cases in enforcement! The CSE office exists because of people who deliberately chose not to do the right thing by their children because they refused to move on from and GROW after a bad adult relationship! A child support payment is only a 10th of the actual TOTAL cost of raising a child. In cases of divorce, the man's useable income generally increases by 70% while the mother's (custodial parent) decrease by the same percentage or more. Why? Because she now carries all of the financial burden of providing for a child(dren) less the child support payment! Of course this shark infested, government run program is corrupt!!! But we...the american citzenry are the ones that keep feeding the bloody meat (broken homes) into the shark tank! The sociological, psychological and relationship issues that feed this system run deep and often times are generational...particularly in minority communities."
121. Kim said...
on Jan 3, 2012 at 02:22PM
"I have no sympathy for Dead Beat Dads. I had one of those and they should have locked him up too. Too bad the law wasn't around when I came up. We need more judges like the one who locked you up for not paying child support. It's the principal... And you still haven't learned anything with all your complaints. If you don't want to pay child support, quit screwing around and making babies... PERIOD!!!"
122. Heather said...
on Jan 3, 2012 at 02:23PM
"What a joke! How about the kids who don't get that money? While deadbeat dad is sitting on his nice warm bed after eating steak, his kid had to eat mac and cheese 6 days in a row because it's all mom can afford... If you owe more then a couple months of support you deserve to go to jail and think about that!"
123. Travis said...
on Jan 3, 2012 at 03:00PM
"This almost happened to me. My child was living with me Monday – Thursday. She would return to her mother's on Friday then her mother would drop her off at school on Monday. Keep in mind many weekends I would STILL go and get my kid. This was our arrangement UNTIL her mom lost her job. Then next thing I know I got a notice at work that they are garnishing my wages. My child WAS LIVING WITH ME AT THE TIME. We go to court I have the paper work from the school showing where my child was dropped off. All of her school info was my address. Her school lunch came directly from my account AND her insurance was threw me. Her mom started crying in the court room and the judge refused to hear my case until she was working. He stated that the support would stand until her mom was out of hardship. He glanced at my documents . He stated that the last amendment to our divorce would be upheld until her mom was in a better financial and mental situation. I will NEVER have another child EVER"
124. Anonymous said...
on Jan 3, 2012 at 09:10PM
"This was such a sad article to read! The nerve of this "Deadbeat Dad"! What makes him think that he's justified for his actions. Unfortunately his daughter is paying for his behavior by having to be in therapy because of what he is putting her through. Because he doesn't want to work (he claims that he's self-employed) is a joke. The child's mother is working two jobs so that she can provide for her child, why can't he find ONE?"
125. Sheila said...
on Jan 4, 2012 at 11:41AM
"After reading Mister's article, I found myself fuming because I watched my husband go through the same ordeal.
My husband and his ex agreed that he would give her a set amount per month to take care of their children. In my opinion, it was enough money to take of the children and have some left over for herself. After all, living in the projects, the rent was only $50! She was still receiving cash and food stamps from the state. Although she was receiving these monies from him, it still wasn't enough. She would have the kids call every holiday, birthday and beginning of the school year to ask for more! They needed coats, sneakers, haircuts, outfits and whatever else she could come up with….
Time had gone by and he started to notice that she wasn't spending that money on the children because everything they needed something, he was supplying. I was with my husband when he went to child support to have himself entered into the system. He was told that he couldn't do that, with an attitude, I might add! He had a chat with her and told her, just call him when they needed something and he would get it, as he always did even when she was getting the money. She took him to court. He went to court with all of the receipts from the money orders he had given her and receipts for the things he'd bought the children over that time. He was told that none of that mattered and ordered him to pay almost a thousand dollars per month. How could they say that none of that mattered? It was proof that he had been taking care of his children! If she was saying to the courts that he was a deadbeat, why didn't they take those receipts into consideration?
After she started getting almost a thousand dollars a month, she had the audacity to continue to call to inform him of what the children needed. He didn't give in because he knew she was getting more than enough to give them what they needed and wanted. Of course he had to have money to spend on them when they spent the weekend with him. How was he supposed to live?
Fueled with anger, she went back to court for an increase and was granted a decrease. Still, they didn't want to hear anything from him as he tried to explain that she wasn't taking care of the kids with the money and continued to call him to give more! Needless to say, she was pissed because she received a decrease and wouldn't allow him to see his children even though there was a court order for him to have them every other weekend. Every time he traveled across the city on bus to get his children, she would come up with a lame excuse why they couldn't go. Never was she brought up for contempt of court!
My husband spent so much time in court because whenever she felt like it, she would go file some bogus papers to have him in court. It still blows my mind that they couldn't see that this was an attempt to make him suffer for not wanting to be with her anymore. All the while, tax payers are footing the bill for all of these bogus court proceedings that go on everyday in those courtrooms by embittered women!
Fast forward a couple of years….. My husband was granted full custody of the children after DHS removed them from her home. They've been with us for 3yrs and she still isn't required to take care of her children. She doesn't buy them anything and after taking her to court 6 times for child support, he was told because she was on welfare that she wasn't required to pay. Where is the justice in that!
Two things need to happen; first, the parent that is receiving the "child support" should not only be required to show how that money is being spent but they need to be held accountable also. Secondly, the judges need to disern when the woman is being vindictive and non compliant.
Lastly, while the parents are arguing, fighting and running back and forth to court, where is the time being spent on the children. They are the ones that suffer. Poison is being injected into the minds of these children by the embittered parent and just when it looks like things might be going their way, shit always come back to slap them in the face but by then the children are so off track and then everyone is wondering what the hell happened.
126. Singleparent said...
on Jan 4, 2012 at 12:00PM
"Interesting article. I have a questions...but I'll forgo them. As a single parent with a 17 year old, it is sad that my daughter does not see her father. I have never denied him his right to see her, even though he does not pay. I actually begged him to spend time with her. I made excuses for him when he promised to show up and didn't. I never made negative comments to her about him. Recently I sent him pictures from prom and when I mentioned it to her, she was furious with me. I said he's still your Dad and she said, "He doesn't visit and he doesn't contribute financially to my support, why should he know what I look like." She also said I could no longer cover up that he is a selfish jerk. For her 17th birthday he called and she refused to talk to him. So while I commend all MEN that "do the right thing" your numbers are few. The courts didn't work for me as he was allowed 3 months to report back after seeing my salary. He was a no show."
127. Anonymous said...
on Jan 4, 2012 at 12:05PM
"Hey Mister, I'm guessing that all of the haters must be your bm, her freinds, or dudes she skrewing!....."
128. Crazy Life said...
on Jan 4, 2012 at 06:55PM
"What many people fail to realize is that when women run to the system instead of handling their own business they are being tracked by the same people whom they have enacted to "help" them..I've seen personal instances where a woman was actually prosecuted for not claiming child support related income and lying about it while receiving government assistance! You cannot have your cake and eat it too which so many mothers do...I am not saying that you should not have an agreement to pay half of the child's expenses but when you start involving judges and lawyers you do psychological damage to the child because when your parents are fighting nothing is right in that child's world. The fight then becomes personal and the issue of support is often times used to fight issues from the past relationship which makes you start to lose site of what's really most important--your child!!"
129. Anonymous said...
on Jan 5, 2012 at 09:05AM
"I am both a mother and a step mother. I was widowed in my first marriage and I was granted SSI to help me raise my children. My husband pays child support for his twin daughters and I can tell you just how flawed I believe the PA child support system truely is! My husband's ex has even tried to go after my children's surviver benefits! PA can take up to 60% of the non-custodial parents income, hold them liable for more than half of the child's support (80% in my husband's situation), the mere fact that the other person acutally needs to have a home to live in and an alarm clock to get to work is never taken into concideration. the custodial parent doesn't have to account for how that money is spent (my husband ex calls it her mad money!) or get a job. It is a different world when you are recieving money form the government, no accountability with child supp. If you can't afford to have your children they should be awarded to the parent who can! Stand up, be a parent & get a job!"
130. George Edward Purdy said...
on Jan 5, 2012 at 11:42AM
"There is woefully no effective oversight for the criminal justice system or the family court system. Putting men in jail for not paying child support is debtor's prison, something we were supposed to have done away with in the 1800s.Petty people take advantage of this weak system to abuse others. The less we legislate in favor of punishments, the better. I've seen too many mistakes made by the courts. It's time to take the power away from them. We've gone way too far, and it has resulted in misery."
131. Anonymous said...
on Jan 5, 2012 at 02:06PM
"Legal issues aside, can we take a moment to reflect on why this person (and this paper) would think it was OK to print his child's photo, full name, and information regarding her mental health in a public paper? No parent looking out for the best interest of his/her child would do this. This "man" and this paper should be ashamed of themselves."
132. Anonymous said...
on Jan 5, 2012 at 02:51PM
"This is why men are screwed over by the courts today: http://goo.gl/YcBpI"
133. diva5900 said...
on Jan 5, 2012 at 06:07PM
"I am a single mom whis daughters father is more than $30,000 in arrears. I hear you talk about the things you do for your daughter unfortunately that does cannot compare to what it cost to support a child you as many men believe you have done what you need but I dont buy it I wish my daughters father could experience jail time. You may be a wonderful dad but at the end of the day your child needs food, shelter, tranportation, clothes, gas for the trasportation, medical ,electricity at the shelter, and any extra needs through out the year and it adds up to more than 562"
134. diva5900 said...
on Jan 5, 2012 at 06:07PM
"I am a single mom whis daughters father is more than $30,000 in arrears. I hear you talk about the things you do for your daughter unfortunately that does cannot compare to what it cost to support a child you as many men believe you have done what you need but I dont buy it I wish my daughters father could experience jail time. You may be a wonderful dad but at the end of the day your child needs food, shelter, tranportation, clothes, gas for the trasportation, medical ,electricity at the shelter, and any extra needs through out the year and it adds up to more than 562"
135. TeeHarris said...
on Jan 5, 2012 at 08:16PM
"Wow! In many ways you and I seem to be going through the same thing but thousands of miles away. While I haven't gone through the ringer yet, I can see how it can happen. I have two children and I split from their mom nearly two years ago. We came up with our own joint custody agreement upon breaking up, but within a couple months I was receiving child support orders. We eventually made it to court-ordered mediation and the end result was a joint custody arrangement where I have my children from Tuesday to Friday each week and their school is zoned to my home. I am a journalist like yourself and as you know this business is shaky at best. I've been laid off twice in the last two years and have been really under employed for nearly three years, yet I have a rather hefty child support payment to make when I am doing all the heavy lifting buying clothes, food, taking care of extra curricular activities etc.
136. TeeHarris said...
on Jan 5, 2012 at 08:24PM
"In full disclosure I agreed to make the pay perhaps to cover childcare costs against my attorney's advice.He wanted the mother to pay me but we knew that wasn't going to happen. I was watching two attorneys playing games in a disjointed mediation session while my billable hours were racking up. I agreed to pay as long as the mother would understand that from time to time because of my unpredictable schedule that I could change my days with as much notice as possible. That was huge, but I almost never change my scheduled days with my children because this time is important to me. My problem is spinning it forward, the kids (11 and 5) daycare costs are going down with age but the payment remains to same. I can see it becoming a financial burden. I want to fight it but not sure I can because it wasn't entered the way I intended. The mother, meanwhile, is just sorry. Won't do anything for the kids outside of what she has to. She constantly violates the joint custody agreement."
137. pGsumners2 said...
on Jan 5, 2012 at 11:06PM
"Is called........Slavery by Another Name......."
138. Terance Healy said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 03:51AM
"I know your experience. I have been there. Before the very same judges. They don't care, and no one can make them care.
Judge Rhonda Daniele DESTROYS men in her courtroom. I have never met her, seen her or stood before her, yet her secret court orders destroyed my life. And when discovered and documented, did they take responsibility for their corrupt acts in destroying my family and my life. NO they went further. They sold my home illegally, and threw out all of my possessions - every memory and thing in my home, and my family's home was garbage to them. They acted illegally unlawfully and unethically under color of law... and it has been a nightmare to survive... and the burden of holding them accountable for their corruption and fraud falls on me. And no one will listen, But I keep trying. Read: Terroristic Divorce: www.work2bdone.com/live"
139. Anonymous said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 04:12AM
"Is it just me, or does it seem that ANONYMOUS is the same person through the entire list of comments. Adding nothing to the story except accusations and subject changes.
What was done to the man AND HIS FAMILY concerns his children. If the court felt it was acting in the child's best interest, why not encourage the public distribution of the story. Why should this man have to pretend to be ashamed that he was mistreated. And that his daughter was mistreated. Why should the disgrace and apathy of an uncaring court cause a father to not share his daughters picture. His daughter can be proud. Her father survived the attacks on his existence, his life, his livelihood and family. He persevered and survived injustice. There are many who do not survive."
140. mike jeffries said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 06:18AM
"Thank you for shining a light on one of the dirtiest, little secrets of our justice system. The family court system is antiquated, broken and ripe for exploitation by litigants and lawyers who treat courtrooms like their own personal playgrounds. Throw in arrogant, condescending and presumtous judges and the result is an enviroment more like Seinfeld's Bizzaro episode than one where honesty, fairness and children's best interests are priorities.
In truth, they myth of the "deadbeat" is exactly as you described. Most parents who are in arrears on child support are good parents who get caught in a never-ending downward spiral that starts with a job loss or unforseen medical expense. Before the parent can get to court to modify child support the parent is already in arrears with fines and interest piling up.
Our system needs an overhaul.
mike jeffries
Author, A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation"
141. mike jeffries said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 06:21AM
"Thank you for shining a light on one of the dirtiest, little secrets of our justice system. The family court system is antiquated, broken and ripe for exploitation by litigants and lawyers who treat courtrooms like their own personal playgrounds. Throw in arrogant, condescending and presumtous judges and the result is an enviroment more like Seinfeld's Bizzaro episode than one where honesty, fairness and children's best interests are priorities.
In truth, they myth of the "deadbeat" is exactly as you described. Most parents who are in arrears on child support are good parents who get caught in a never-ending downward spiral that starts with a job loss or unforseen medical expense. Before the parent can get to court to modify child support the parent is already in arrears with fines and interest piling up.
Our system needs an overhaul.
142. Shauna Delzingaro said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 10:12AM
"Sir I hold you in the highest regard. My Father won custody of me in 1978 (even MORE unheard of back then). The courts ARE biased in favor of the mothers. My Father means the world to me and he is irreplaceable. He struggled and constantly had to fight the system, but he loved me and persevered. I will keep you in my prayers that God offers you encouragement as you do what is right and provide for your daughter in the manner you have been."
143. Anonymous said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 12:32PM
"Reading this story makes me sad and mad.
Fathers and mothers get chewed up and spit out of the Montg. Court system
with NO Regards of the child's best interests.
I thought i heard it all when I read Mr. Healy's dealings with the Courts and Judges. Read his Story... Google - Terroristic Divorce
His Montg. County Courts ordeal will blow your mind.
144. Dirogo said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 03:25PM
"Momtgomery County judges have been guilty of racketeering for years. I have reported some of them mentioned in this article and they are under investigation by the very impotent supreme Court Judicial conduct board. Our family court system is a mess and I have been trying to deal with these criminals for five years. I hope the author contacts me..I would love to discuss."
145. Keith G Walker said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 04:48PM
"i feel your pain so much that it prompted me to detail it in my newly self-published book titled "Father's Dey." I had no idea so many men were experiecing the same things as i. for more info pls visit www.FathersDey.com"
146. Anonymous said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 05:19PM
"@139 (also called "Anonymous" funny enough) - Regardless of which side is right or wrong in the support payment issue, he's airing family drama, complaining about her mother, and making mention of his child's diagnosed psychological issues in an extremely public way. You very obviously have no idea what kind of negative effects this can have on a child. Get some class and figure out a better way to fight the system than using your minor child as a prop in an ugly battle."
147. doc said...
on Jan 6, 2012 at 07:00PM
"144. Dirogo how can i contact you"
148. corbin56 said...
on Jan 7, 2012 at 02:39PM
"Well, well, well, what have we here?? Another disgruntled dad who has spent three months in jail because of a missed court date, who is upset because he did not get the judge that he anticipated. Boo Hoo!! Boo Hoo!! Just because someone received an award from the Mayor does not put one above the law. We ALL have debts to pay. Unfortunately for the writer of this article, his debt is child support. The laws regarding child support are clear. The writer should've never missed the court date. All of this could've been prevented. Better yet, NONE OF THIS would have taken place if the writer had used protection."
149. Anonymous said...
on Jan 7, 2012 at 07:45PM
"Seriously, cut the S#! & take responsibility for your child. If her mother hadn't shown for just about anything in her life or neglected to care for her financially within the boundaries of the LAW, she would be arrested, berated or brought up on child neglect charges. Too many people give these men a pass and accolades for doing what is necessary to take care of their children. Children cost money. When you have them, they become your FIRST priority! I will NEVER be convinced that many of these men take care of their children from birth to college graduation as is what most women are REQUIRED to do. The definition of a Good Black Man and that of a Good Man are sorely unbalanced. Raise the bar please - we Have to do better! Stop whining because you have to pay a percentage of your wages from your Day Job only for an average of 6-8 years of your child's life. If a Good Mother has $2 and her child needs $1.75, guess what? She's walking to work with a quarter in hand. Get a grip!!!"
150. anonymous chic said...
on Jan 7, 2012 at 07:49PM
"@146.....you've got to be the bitter baby mamma! You gave yourself away a long time ago! Truth is, Skye is paying close attention to everything you do and say! Believe me when I tell you, karma is something you don't want to come back and bite you in the butt! I've seen it happen. Give it up and go ahead a raise your daughter in harmony. ITS THE BEST THING FOR HER!!!!
Mister, Thank you for having the heart and balls to call those fools out! CONTINUE TO BE BLESSED!"
151. Anonymous said...
on Jan 7, 2012 at 10:14PM
"149.......I beg to differ! Women aren't treated that way in the court system! My husband's ex has gotten away for the past 3 yrs without having to do anything for her children! She's still on welfare and is seeing a therapist and isn't required to pay any child support for her children. By the way, did I mention that she does NOTHING for her children. They've lived with us for 3 yrs and she still kickin game that she can't work! THEY HAVE NOT THROWN HER IN JAIL!"
152. Anonymous said...
on Jan 8, 2012 at 01:15AM
"I know how hard it is to be fighting to get more time with your child and at the same time getting nailed for child support. AS Men we must fight a losing battle for any type of custody for their children. at the same time we are in court for custody we are in court for child support. this is the kicker if you still can afford an lawyer you most likely you can not pay him for both like i was never able to, and your Ex walks in with a hole team of lawyer and assistants. I'm told that there there for the child but it has never seemed like it to me. nor have they ever spook up for me even when it was clear that is was in the child's interest. I have 40% with my son for the last year and haft or about 4 days less then having 50-50 a month. so it is not like i don't spend just as much time as her and the same cost to raise our child. so is there a need for child support at this point? I would say no ... but dose not that just make me another dead beat day?"
153. Anonymous said...
on Jan 12, 2012 at 04:03PM
154. Rita Hertzog said...
on Jan 17, 2012 at 11:31AM
"While I commend you for doing your job when it comes to raising your daughter, why on earth are you expecting to receive special treatment just because you "do more than others in your situation." I have seen children of split custody, and it is not always in the best interest of the children. In your case, it doesn't SOUND like you were trying to split custody as to avoid paying support to the child's Mother... but one never can tel, do they?
Regardless... the burning question remains... why on earth didn't you alter the custody agreement for 50% split, early on? You are in this administrative mess because you failed to take action to protect yourself (and thus by default your daughter). And, PLEASE don't cry Bureaucracy. That exists in every institution, and it is designed to protect women who have been raising children on their own for decades."
155. Anonymous said...
on Jan 19, 2012 at 04:25PM
The Myth of Deadbeat Dads
156. Anonymous said...
on Jan 19, 2012 at 04:27PM
The Myth of Deadbeat Dads
157. Denise said...
on Jan 30, 2012 at 05:27PM
"Pennsylvania is a part of the national child support enforcement system that is bent on not giving up anything that would jeopardize its ability to do as it pleases in child support enforcement matters.
A $1 billion potential class action lawsuit was filed in the U.S. District Court of Colorado on Friday, January 13, 2012, against Colorado government officials who have done as they pleased to shackle men with unfair and unlawful child support orders that can and do often land them in jail. If anyone's interested in knowing about the lawsuit, post a comment with your email address and I'll send you a copy. You won't hear about it on the news - the media's been silenced."
158. Emily said...
on Jan 31, 2012 at 06:33PM
"I really admired your story. I ask my son's father for $20.00 a week and diapers and wipes. I buy all his clothes used and he chooses to buy him jordans (shakes my head). Also diapers and wipes. He complains about this amount often and does not pay. I try to explain to him that I can not even raise him on $20.00 a week and he does not seem to care. So now he has ordered me to go to court for child support and I have to miss two days of work , when I am the sole supporter. I didn't want to involve him in child support because he did not claim he is the father, the child has my last name, and he did not want to do anything for him. He is considered my child and I do not want a harsh verdict like my sister who can not leave montgomery county if she wanted to with her child support case. I really commend you. My boyfriend has a child support case and his ex recieves a return of 10,000 a year and he does not recieve any portion of his tax refund because he is in the rears so he can not get"
159. Akil said...
on Feb 6, 2012 at 12:14AM
"I would like information on the Colorado Class-Action lawsuit pending mentioned by Denise. Send information to email@example.com. Thank you in advance."
160. Ken said...
on Feb 7, 2012 at 01:59PM
"What impressed me about this story was his description of the wasted lives in our unjust prison system. We have bankers who wrecked our economy by treating it like a giant casino. (Rent the movie "Inside Job" to see how they did it.) Not only do they go scott free, but are given millions in bonuses even as their corruption is uncovered. It's like our government has become the mafia. At the same time, we have thousands languishing in our prison system for petty crimes. Their fate affects not only them, but their families.
I recommend the book "With Liberty and Justice for Some" by Glenn Greenwald. It clearly spells out how corrupt our judicial system has become, and what it is supposed to be. How we get there is another story!"
161. spencer said...
on Feb 13, 2012 at 08:19PM
"awesome article. as you know, you have mentioned so many things that happened to you, that have happened to me as well. almost every single point down to your child's name and age. it's crazy, part of what i was reading, i felt like i was writing. only major difference (which isn't much difference at all) is it seems i'm 4 years older than you.
so good to be able to read this. thanks for sharing. and chalk one more up on the "me too" file from brothers who work hard and love their daughter (or son). i hope everything gets better for you and your beautiful girlie. selfishly, i hope it does for me as well.
162. Lela said...
on Feb 16, 2012 at 03:11PM
"Whoa, i'm sad that had to happen to you. Having a kid is a joyous occasion.And I have a 12 yr old daughter whom i love dearly only to provide for her on my own. I know asking for anything financial is more like a burden to me!! i remember taking him to court only to be treated like I was ghetto baby mom(i so hate that word). It was my first time i had to take him to court because we broke up when my kid was 3 1/2 yrs old. I wanted her to have some support since we were no longer living together. That was the worst experience i ever had with the system in my life. We went to court the ask all the question they are trained to ask. The Lady acted like he knew him and was pissed me and him were still very friendly. and stil are that way today no drama over here. So she mad and offer because he had no job. A mere $55 dollars a mionth. Yea you heard it right. What a shame that was. I gave him the evil eye as to say ummm your not going to agree with that. and he did. too be continued!!!"
163. Lela said...
on Feb 16, 2012 at 03:21PM
"continued: He received a settlement of a few thousand dollars and went on a cruise to Jamaica, and paid the court $367 dollars. No shoes, clothes, nothing he spent the money getting some sun! i was pissed off. but i had other things to worry about. I went for custody of my kid because i wanted to move down south and didn't want any problems not that he is the type to give me any he just has one of those wives that get in ya ear type and say all kinds of thing.So i told him the date and he said OK. That went great no issues there.. But here is the real issues i have. I received a letter from family court and it wasn't your typical increase custody kinda letter.. it was a letter that stated my case has been dropped for child support due to his inability to pay.And i had 60 days to appeal.. i took that letter and ripped it up. As if i was going to take off lose money for a measly $55 dollars a month. No sir. It wasn't worth it. How could a person send a single parent that! NOT COOL AT ALL"
164. Supreme Fury said...
on Mar 7, 2012 at 10:31PM
"Hey the system is broken and rigged to further destroy people and make a profit from it, in the name of justice. Unfortunately, I had a child out of wedlock, and the mother of my beautiful daughter, was receiving some public assistance, while I was living there. She worked it out, so there could be extra money in the household. I wasn't really comfortable with that, as I was working and the rent was very well priced. I got laid off, as my place of employment went under, thus went on unemployment. All utilities were under my name and they soon started to pile up. She then applied for further public assistance, while I was still living there and the only ever to work and supply an income, including my unemployment.
Non the less, since I'm the legal (and biological) father, the system, by default went after my unemployment. I had no idea that would've happened, as I always questioned her about any ramifications of her applying for public assistance, while I was residing with her."
165. Supreme Fury said...
on Mar 7, 2012 at 10:39PM
She denied knowing nothing about any income of mine being garnished by default, though I later realized she had done more than her fair share of research on public assistance and well knew it would affect my income. I left a few months later, as much as it pained me not being living in the same household as my daughter, and the relationship has been questionable for quite some time. I always have my daughter with me, I educate her, train her and raise her in any and every capacity as a man should with any child he has. I know her mother would rather me be nowhere near as involved with our daughter, but I have my responsibility and passion to be a father, as I love every second the Father gives me to be a father to this beautiful young woman I have as a daughter. While her mother has not gone further to take me to court, I know to not put it past her, as she has demonstrated to be selfish and spiteful. She would have no qualms in keeping my daughter from coming by me.."
166. Supreme Fury said...
on Mar 7, 2012 at 10:48PM
..simply if she just 'felt like it'. Even though we share custody and I pay for things she needs, I still ante up $400 per month, voluntarily. Best believe I keep a record of those transactions, just in case I need to provide proof. As a man and a father, I take care of my responsibilities. This daughter of mine, is my responsibility, and I will not back down from it. I also know my daughter's mother can land in hot water, should I provide proof that I was living with her, while she collected public assistance AND had my unemployment garnished, while having me believe something different than what she was telling me.
I'm happily married to someone else now, and I know she can't stand that, as she has voiced her displeasure multiple times.
I feel so bad that my daughter has to go through this stress, as no child should have to endure this. It's up to me to correct whatever wrongs I've allowed to happen to her. She loves her daddy and her daddy loves her."
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168. Mother of three said...
on Mar 31, 2012 at 03:27PM
"I have a whole lot to say on this subject but i'll just say this, first, he has the girl 50% of the time, he should not be paying anything. He has to rent a 2 bedroom just as the mother does. what kind of woman is the mother in this story who 1. would ask for such payments and 2. would allow such a good father to spend ANY amount of time in jail for this bull? I am a mother of 3, I take care of them ON MY OWN. ladies, when you get pregnant its your decision and your decision alone on whether you keep the child, give it up for adoption or abort. Tell me a time that the man had any choice in this matter?! If you give birth to the child, be prepared to take care of it on your own or DON'T have kids. What happened to the women back in the day? Raised her kids, didn't badmouth the dad, deadbeat or not and allowed the father to see the child whether he's paid or not. Adults need to get over themselves and do what's right for the child. Emotional support is what's important. SMH"
169. Anonymous said...
on Apr 5, 2012 at 09:34AM
"The qustion is does he have a children and the answer is YES . He has one daughter that is the little girl next to him in the picture that is his daughtyer Skye . I go toscholl with her so I now her she is smart."
170. Anonymous said...
on Apr 26, 2012 at 04:07PM
"My husband and I married September 2011 and upong coming home from our honeymoon, we were "welcomed" back home with child support papers from the birth mother of my husband's two children...filed a mere four days after our marriage. She wasted no time. My step-children live with us Thursday-Mondays and then all summer...literally the minute school is out, the stay at our house and they enjoy it.
The battle has been relentless. My husband has always, always, always taken care of his children financially, physically and emotionally but alas, that mattered not to the judge who treated him like dirt. People told him "save your receipts" do this, do that, it will help your case. Sadly none of it helped and we are paying but we are so blessed by God in every aspect of our lives so thankfully it's not a struggle for us. However, the mother says she is struggling and when my husband asked if the children could come and live with us to alleviate the stress, her response was " no, I do not want to do it that way".
The mother is "struggling" but in the last 2 years has gone on a ski trip and a trip to Sin City. The children have told us that Mommy has a huge new flatscreen TV for her bedroom, has a nice laptop, Kindle, iPhone4 (very expensive data plans, even the cheapest one), and has purchased a really nice car too. Her hair and nails are always done, clothes always nice and well put together yet the kids come over in school outfits 2 sizes too small. They have reported that she shops frequently for herself but rarely for them In the past, she has asked my husband to pay her rent, cable and utility bills and was upset when he refused to give her cash :-/.
Now, we have nice phones, decent car (paid off), a computer and flat screen TV's as well ... so, there's nothing wrong with having those things if everything else that matters is taken care of such as CHILDREN and all the expenses that come with them and bills, rent, utilities.
My husband has filed for custody for various other reasons, has no child support in arrears and he is a great Dad. I do not wish harm on this woman who has really wreaked havoc on us. My hope is that she will grow up, mature and be the lovely woman God intended for her to be. I do think there is some bitterness towards our marriage and relationship and I do think filing for child support was done out of anger and bitterness. I am amused every time I think about the fact that she was not "struggling" throughout our engagement...I guess her struggles showed up as soon as 6:30PM on a certain Friday evening in September arrived lol!
Anyway, it's rough and definitely the system is a mess. We take comfort in knowing that God knows all and see all. He knows who has the best intention of these two children and I believe He will act accordingly. To those of you who are having a wicked rough time of it, we can relate and you're in our prayers.
171. Anonymous said...
on Apr 26, 2012 at 04:19PM
"Additionally, I do think that whichever parent is receiving child support should be held accountable as to how they are actually spending the money, etc..
It's seems almost too easy for a scorned person to storm on down to court and file papers b/c they cannot fathom that this person has gone on with their lives without them.
And yes, this goes for ladies and men - people always show you their true colors, the question is are you paying attention and believing what they show you? Look closely at the person you're sleeping with/dating/marrying before you bring a child into the relationship or situation.
But, I know, even if we're careful, the system is still majorly flawed and really just a disaster.
PS- I am baffled as to why the writer of this article did not ever pay the child support...um, it doesn't go away. I would cry if we had $17,000 in arrears and it was continuing to accumulate month after month. Man up and take care of that mess."
172. A Mom with no support said...
on May 23, 2012 at 06:13PM
"I am still reading the article, but I can say as a woman who has been threatened by her husband, it took 3 tries to get a PFA from Daniele. I got it and now am being sued for spousal support by a husband who lost his job, threatened his work site, threatened to kill me and my daughter, visits his son at day care, pays NOTHING to support that daycare, food or clothing for his son after refusing to leave a 2200 sq ft home he can't afford forcing me and my 2 children to live in an apartment too small for the 3 of us. I feel nothing for losers who fail to pay money towards the lives they helped bring into this world. Stick your awards up your butt and step up to the plate for your child. So what if society "thinks" you are wonderful. It doesn't matter if the other parent can supposedly afford to live without the money. PAY YOUR SHARE! It is your child too. Do the right thing for God's sake. Stop whining. Get a vasectomy so you don't do this to another innocent child."
173. mom with no support said...
on May 23, 2012 at 08:27PM
"I also don't think I believe you couldn't get in touch with people you knew. You went with the punishment to write a story. I agree with some of the above comments, 50% time should equal no child support. I have had a hard time with the courts regarding emergency petitions and support. I am a woman with a job. My husband worked all through our marriage until a few months after I left...how convenient. The family court system is terribly flawed and the children are not first no matter what course they make us take. However, this story is contrived, concocted and twisted. It sucks for both sides and the children suffer. That is the main point. The children lose. Every story is unique, but we are all punished for not being able to get along and work it out."
174. StaceyStacey said...
on May 30, 2012 at 02:22AM
"I do think that there is significant bias against fathers in some situations in family court. It's wonderful that you have a shared custody agreement whereby your daughter is with you for half of the time and perhaps truly unjust that you have to make payments at the level mandated. That does not justify your shock and surprise at being taken into custody after falling almost twenty thousand dollars behind. A father with his daughter's best interests at heart might have worked harder on prevention whether in the form of legal counsel competent to pursue and achieve a modified order of support or negotiating skills sufficient to persuade his ex that her best course of action would be to agree to a modified order of support to benefit their daughter. You sound entitled as presented in this piece as you reflect on the system making fathers walk away. Your reasoning otherwise had merit and needed no added gloss of media spin. It could have stood convincingly without the pandering."
175. Ron said...
on Jun 15, 2012 at 12:05AM
"Why do we give custody to the mother at all?
A much simpler solution: the child lives with the provider.
In case pf dovorce, we give the child to the father. Thus, no child support, no need for abuse, and all the single mothers who have written complaints about their how their ex's arent supporting them, can rest easy, because now the father will raise the child.
We have burned it into our heads that mothers have magical powers with regards to raising children, and fathers are at best a nice addition. The truth is, fathers are probbly more essential than mothers, they suffer far more when taken away from their kids, and they wont need child support if they are the ones raising the children.
I would also propose that any woman who has a child out of wedlock be given full custody and total responsibility of the child. Such that the father is not even considered the father to the point that he owes nothing on child supporrt"
176. NotaBabyMama said...
on Jun 30, 2012 at 05:37AM
"LESSON LEARNED: Do not have sex with/procreate with Black men. According to the 2010 US Census, only 35% of them are married. Proportionally, Black Men are the overwhelming majority of so called 'fathers' who do not pay their court ordered child support. They only make up 6% of the US population, which makes the entire situation even more egregious.
This public service announcement is brought to you by one of your average, highly educated Black Woman, who would never, ever think of having a child with an 'American' Black Man; foreign BM tend to be way more responsible. Thank God I only date White Men."
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on Jul 4, 2012 at 04:16AM
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178. can't prove it said...
on Jul 4, 2012 at 11:41PM
"It's pretty bad when the wonderful judge Daniele makes a decision to give a abusive father, that didn't want his child custody every other week. she said and I qoute" he can learn how to change diapers and learn to bathe his son. REALLY? The sad thing is he didn't want to do any of that.
My daughter was told that it would be a good chance that the Judge would keep her ruling that the father would have his son every other week straight.
Well my daughther couldn't live with that knowing he was abusing their son and she couldn't prove it.
So the only way out of this mess in her mind was to take her life as well as her son's. It was the only way she could protect him.
Some of the Judges just don't understand they have lives in their hands that can in a monent be life or death.
So I have lost a daughter and a grandson. How do I go on with life knowing what one person dicided."
179. Patricia Kayden said...
on Jul 5, 2012 at 09:26AM
"It's good that Mr. Mann went to jail for his intentional failure to pay child support. Now, other men reading this article will know that they are not above the law and will be arrested, charged and jailed for disobeying a child support order.
That's how it goes, folks. Break the law = go to jail for a spell.
Child support is for the child. Period. So stop complaining about having to give it to the mothers. If you don't want to have to pay child support, don't have children and then leave the mothers of said children."
180. SLC said...
on Jul 5, 2012 at 06:47PM
"PhiladelphiaWeekly Staff you need to contact the writer at Whataboutourdaughter dot com and post her rebuttal to this article.
She clearly lays out the case for why Mr Mann is full of himself.
You can not ignore court orders and appearances and expect nothing to happen. If he had shown up to court he wouldn't have been arrested.
It's his fault. Don't ignore the court and you stay out of jail."
181. P99 said...
on Jul 7, 2012 at 12:22PM
"If you couldn't keep in in your pants then just shut up and do as you're told.
Oh... sorry... only if you're a man."
182. Anonymous said...
on Jul 9, 2012 at 09:51PM
"Friends of Mister Mann Frisby" needs everyone's support right now more than ever. Our brother Mister is once again being held at the Montgomery County Correctional Facility. Even if everyone chipped in just $20 he could be out by the end of the week. Thanks a lot, and God bless. http://mistersrelease.chipin.com/misters-release"
183. Cynthia Hayes said...
on Jul 10, 2012 at 12:15PM
"Attention all this guy Mister Mann Frisby is a total deadbeat and any money that you donate to his release is a total scam. This deadbeat is enrolled in the work release program which he can be released if he accepts the job that the courts are asking him to take. http://mistersrelease.chipin.com/misters-release" This link is the fraudulent work of a deadbeat father who continues to prey upon the kindness of good people. 610-635 7100"
184. Anonymous said...
on Jul 10, 2012 at 02:57PM
"all i can say is wow!!, like alot of you mentioned there are two sides to every story. to be in the arrears $17,000.00 is alot. i will mention that this amount has to be over a period of at least 3-4 yrs, he mentioned that his daughter is 10, so that means mom, waited a while before even filing for support. the long and short of it is this, children costs money. period. i work for a law firm, and if custody is indeed 50/50, there is no reason to pay child support. there is what is called primary physical custody, which mom has, and then visitation and partial custody which is what dad has, partial is not 50/50. calculations are based on total days/nights child is with parent, if he is paying for education/tuition he would get credit for that, but income is imputed based off of earning potential. he is an accomplished author, if you google his name his works come up, as most people of color and i hate to say, spend money on frivelous things and not saving money for what could .."
185. Anonymous said...
on Jul 10, 2012 at 03:04PM
"continued.. possibly be needed for in the future. my intention is not to passs judgment, but i thought you couldn't post a child's picture on news or paper for any reason if the child is under 13. child protection laws, clearly they were added to invoke sympathy. though the things he does outside of financial are what she will remember the most, but sometimes i think that this is done to make up for the fact he is not paying, not because he really wants to. whether or not you agree with the court's decision to pay, the support orders are only signed by the judges, the calculations and recommendations for support are done by the mediator or court master. if your quality time with the child is that important, and you know the rammifications if you do not show, then it would be in the child's best interest to make the court appearances, so she won't suffer anxiety or separation disorders because you are in jail for months at a time. that makes absolutely no sense to me."
186. Anonymous said...
on Jul 10, 2012 at 03:06PM
"continued... is the system flawed absolutely as it was a system created by men, and since man is imperfect there are going to be flaws, but don't use that as an excuse to miss or avoid court appearances to prove a point. your best interest is that of your daughter. so even if you and moms don't get along, put your pride and ego in your back pocket for another day and just show up.. let not your own hands aid in your destruction... i'm just saying."
187. Anonymous said...
on Jul 11, 2012 at 12:44PM
"This dude is a fictional story writer and a professional b.s.'er. There are always several sides to a story and this article was just a ploy to summon some sympathy and financial gain for true drama QUEEN!"
188. Anonymous said...
on Jul 11, 2012 at 12:57PM
"#182 are you serious??!! So he is back in jail again for the same thing he was in a year ago and you expect donations? I honestly can't believe this! After reading this article and comments and I am truly convinced this man is truly a deadbeat. Donations are needed to pay your back child support to get you out of prison? You want readers to support your child for you? Is this going to be a habit for you or are you just going to man up one day and accept your responsibilities? This is ridiculous."
189. Anonymous said...
on Jul 20, 2012 at 05:25PM
"There are two sides to every story. I do feel it is a shame that a parent has JOINT custody and still have to pay a significant amount of child support IF (and only if) he is also clothing, feeding, and paying for incidentals. However, to REFUSE to pay anything... it is criminal."
190. Tiffany Livingston said...
on Jul 23, 2012 at 01:39PM
"I'm sorry to hear of this MMF. It takes a strong man/person to shine light on unjust treatment and the cruelty that our black men face on a day-to-day basis. For centuries the system and/or the LAW has been trying their best to figure out a way to destroy the black race by any means necessary. Not to pull out the black card but it is what it is. I love black men and as of 2012 it seems as if they are being taken away from black women one way or another. Many black women are angry, frustrated and I used to be an angry black woman but then I sat back and reviewed a lot of things and I feel for my brother's whole heartily. Yes there are some who don't care about their children's well being, but then we have those who care deeply and in return they have to reap the negativity that is due to the one' s who desert their families. You are courageous for sharing your pain and frustrations."
191. Anonymous said...
on Jul 23, 2012 at 11:09PM
"^^^^you know they don't take care of their children....they too busy wanting someone to take care of them...you should have strapped up...you weren't thinking about injustice when ya trifflin a$$ was busting in that woman...i don't feel bad for you, if you think you are doing so much just look at it as pay back on behalf of your community of deadbeats that do absolutely nothing, because trust me, for your1 pity story, their are hundreds/thousands/millions of men who are not contributing to their child whether it be physical, emotional, or financial...so on that note...STFU, and chalk over that money,....it's for your child,..think how much mother's have to pay to house, clothe, and feed children with NO help at all!!!!!!...i'm not angry, just appalled by your perspective although i acknowledge that you are entitled to one!..i'm sure you are now an advocate for child support...now how about go tell the men who do nothing to man up instead of spreading this senseless article..."
192. Anonymous said...
on Jul 24, 2012 at 08:18AM
"I know Mister and I like him...I think he's a sweet guy...But he's a "Deadbeat" Dad. he does NOT have his daughter (4) days a week. He was a successful reporter at the Philadelphia Daily News and asked for a leave of absence to write a book. They told him to ask again in a few months because it was a bad time. Mister immediately "Quit". He begs people for money to help him pay child support when he's in jail. Yet those same people have given him "leads" on job openings that he "NEVER" follows up on. He moved to California for a year and saw his daughter one month while continuing to pay "No Child support". He berated friends who did not do enough to get him "Out of Jail" last year and when he was released he "still" refused to Work or pay child support to follow his dreams of being a "star". He was locked up again this year because he paid NO child support. Reading the comments...it seems all the people who know him personally AGREE....Mister is a deadbeat dad."
193. Anonymous said...
on Jul 24, 2012 at 11:49AM
"Well i have seen him with his daughter and he looks like a good father i know of him but also i dont have any kids and im on the outside looking in but i wish he would of just paid the child support or made some better arrangements if he didnt have it finacially. meaning when he was locked up the first time i would have been i need to take care of this!"
194. shaunb said...
on Jul 25, 2012 at 01:02PM
"I'm not sure of the particulars, but let's face it, there are 7 days in a week--he got 3 & the mom got 4.
Why does anyone deserve anything except what they bring to the table themselves?
fret not, men. women's time is coming. they'll be landing the jobs & the child support will be flowing the other way--then there will be this talk about equality within the support system. of the anecdotal & academic stories i've read, women--once in this system--do not like it either.
on another note there are plenty of deadbeat moms that give their children to foster care and/or fail to parent--where's their jail sentence?
to make this simple: no one deserves jail for having a kid. ladies, if you chose a scrub--live with it."
195. Anonymous said...
on Aug 28, 2012 at 08:16AM
"I find it so ironic that men are trying to paint some
picture that the legal system is bias and unfair to
fathers. Come on folks!!!!! Child support is about the CHILDREN.
I understand that some parents use child support for other
things and if that's the case- if the child isn't getting their needs met
simply record it and prove it to the court. It is our responsibility to
provide protection to our children. But DON'T decide for yourself
that you won't pay because you can't stand the idea of handing money
over to the other parent. Their are two types of parents- 1) one that puts child
before their own control issues 2) one that does not.
Non custodial parents frequently hide their incomes to get out of paying child support.They should be forced to pay. Bottom line. Also, many sad parents
claim to be "single dads" or "single moms" when they have their child
every other week or once a week. News to you that's not a single parent.
You have the free time to focus on a career. So Pay!"
196. Anonymous said...
on Nov 24, 2012 at 10:35AM
"My ex, Kenneth A. Young, a philadelphia attorney, who represents Divorce cases is a dead beat dad. He owes over $11,000 in child support."
197. Kelly T said...
on Nov 28, 2012 at 11:21AM
"Your story rings SO true, even in Michigan where I live. My boyfriend just went through a custody battle with his ex after 6 years of having the original order in place. She had physical custody; he had limited parenting time and paid child support based on a booming construction industry at that time. The current economic situation left him laid off and all unemployment benefits exhausted. Medical issues have grounded him from seeking any physical work, and disability is pending. She and the child moved in with her parents and she went back to school to become an RN. She used my boyfriend as a babysitter during school, but offered no compromise to the original support. He kept a fine-tuned calendar, noting that he kept his daughter more than half the time over two years. The courts scolded him for being behind in support, and took away more time with his daughter and broke his heart! The government we vote in should support both sides, unconditionally!!! Forever scarred!"
198. Anonymous said...
on Nov 28, 2012 at 04:08PM
"As someone who knows Mister Frisby, I can assure you with all certainty that he is BLATANT LIAR! He is dishonest in all his dealings. And how DARE he try to act like he was so concerned about his daughter when he spent a year in Hollywood supposedly working for a washed-up 1980's rapper and also Jill Scott. If he was such good friends with these celebrities as he claimed, then why didn't they help him pay his child support bill. Jill even joked on the radio that he was he father of HER child (http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/phillygossip/Jill_Scott_shouts-out_former_Daily_News_reporter.html). Point blank, Mister Frisby is not a good person and he should be ashamed of himself for exploiting his child."
199. Anonymous said...
on Dec 30, 2012 at 04:43AM
With prophet harry's love spell, my lover and I rekindled and got back together. I am now the most lucky woman in the world because my lover pampers me with all his love, care and attention. prophet harry was my last hope and after all the spell casters I tried before, he was my last chance, and he kept his promise! My lover told me such a touching worlds last week! that he loves me and will never live me and the kids again! I really feel I'm living again! Thanks prophet harry for making all this possible prophetharry@ymail. com is wonderful
200. Anonymous said...
on Dec 30, 2012 at 04:49AM
I was having a boyfriend. We were known for long time only through phone. Suddenly through some event we met together and we promised we will be together for ever. Both of us are married and not satisfied with the present spouse. But because of some misunderstanding I quarreled with him and humiliated him in front of his friends. After that I realized my mistake and apologized with him like anything. He told me he will try to forget everything. After that we met once and he promised me everything happened because of misunderstanding and now we will together for ever.But after that we never met each other. when we plan to meet some hindrance will happen then it will stop. Also no proper communication. But for me he is my everything. He is the only one who gave such a good satisfaction in my life. I wanted him. I wanted him to meet me, to have sex with me, love me everything. He is very good.and l know He was made for me. But some hindrance keep keeping us apart. i tried to get close to"
201. Anonymous said...
on Jan 6, 2013 at 12:55AM
"Here is a fast and reasonable solution to the massive government funded child support scam. Under title IV-D of the SS Act the Federal government matches dollar for dollar every bit of money that goes through the local child support enforcement department. Every area across the country calls it something different be non the less the matching federal dollars comes into the local area for the collection of monies EVEN IF THERE IS NO COLLECTION EFFORT. If the government simply give the matching dollars to companies that employ people behind in support. This way private sector business will get a break along with willing to work employees and child support will be paid as long as the person remains employed. Its win win all the way around and the scam of pour free dollars into the useless court system is resolved."
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