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Agfa Graphics Launches Security Solution
Friday, September 28, 2007
Press release from the issuing companyBrussels, Belgium, Labelexpo Europe - Stand 6H40 - 26 September 2007 - Agfa Graphics announced today that it has released a new security solution for those who want to offer their customers advanced protection from piracy and unlawful duplication of designs on packaging, labels and other printed materials. With Agfa's new :Secuseal 1.0, a set of plug-ins on Adobe Illustrator and applicable with all standard design workflows, designers can add security elements to any printed design.
:Secuseal was created for designers and printers who want to offer their customers more advanced security printing measures. Clients with concerns over packaging and labelling security would include makers of luxury goods, pharmaceutics, official documents, identity cards and other branded products.
"With :Secuseal, Agfa has built on existing security printing technology but has also re-envisioned it as a single, solid solution that works seamlessly with all workflows in which Adobe Illustrator is being used or PDFs created," said Koen Heyndrickx, Product Manager Security Printing SW, Agfa Graphics. "This is the start of an exciting and important new product line for Agfa that will address the security issues facing designers, printers and product managers in today's highly competitive marketplace."
The security modules of :Secuseal are able to create complex backgrounds or convert images into complex linework patterns. There are four modules in the plug-in set. Each allows a specific security measure to be implemented directly on a printed design.
With :Secuseal, anti-counterfeiting measures of printed images will be easier to initiate, more reliable and imitations will be more easily recognizable. The security level of any individual project can be determined by the designer, and the plug-ins are password-protected.
"The :Secuseal solution is both easy to learn and quick to implement, enabling designers, printers and product managers to protect the value of their designs, and to stay ahead of the competition and would-be counterfeiters," added Heyndrickx.
Industry News
Copyright © 2018 WhatTheyThink. All Rights Reserved


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WESTMONT, IL – HANTEMP Controls, a manufacturer of stainless steel controls for
refrigeration applications, has extended its line of stainless steel refrigeration flanges to
broaden usage beyond welding installations.
The EZWLD line of stainless steel flanges now includes threaded flanges that can be easily
connected to other NPT thread components and piping including brass, iron, aluminum, and plastic. The FPT (female pipe thread) flanges are created using single-point threading, ensuring that the threaded joint will be tight.
Threaded flanges eliminate the need for welding capability and potential hazards. In addition, the stainless steel construction provides superior resistance which eliminates the need for costly surface painting that generally occurs with forged steel threaded flanges.
All products from HANTEMP Controls and designed, tested and available for prompt shipment
directly from the factory in Westmont, Ill. Visit HANTEMP online at
www.hantempcontrols.com to learn more about the new threaded flanges and other
innovative refrigeration controls.
Established in 2001 by Charles C. Hansen, former president of Refrigerating Specialties
Company, HANTEMP Controls offers a unique line of stainless steel industrial refrigeration
controls including COBRA-NECK® Ball Valves, SEE-SWITCH® Float Switches and Stainless Steel
Flanges & Flange Unions. With broadening manufacturing processes, HANTEMP Controls
continues Mr. Hansen's tradition of quality, originality, and honesty.

subset: commoncrawl


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At present there aren't a whole load of source code editors on the iPad but one that is worth considering is Textastic. It's part source code editor part FTP client (also supporting WebDAV sFTP, iDisk and of course Dropbox access). So it's a good fit for people who like to edit websites on the move, it even has code hinting for object orientated languages like C++ but for most people it's going to be CSS, Php and JavaScript and SQL which is going to make it a worthwhile download.
Load the app up and you get a fairly plain to column layout the left hand column offers a file list whilst the bigger right hand side is your editing area conveniently including line numbering. It's not cluttered with code short cuts or options just a straight forward set of top and bottom toolbar options. The first being access to a help section including an online manual and email support, this is over and above what you get with most apps and the developer Alexander Blach should be given credit for this.
To start with at the bottom of the main screen in the left hand corner is a world icon which will take you straight to the transfer window which reminded me of Transmit for the Mac with its two column layout. Start on right by putting in your connection info and your ready to download files. This proved fairly straight forward to setup an FTP connection for the first time and download the WordPress twenty eleven theme just to see how well it downloaded multiple files. The downloading of files proved a lot faster than on my mac book pro, pretty much an instantaneous process, just select the file or folder with the checkbox hit download and your off.
Once the files are downloaded you can then start to edit one. So going back to the main window and clicking on any file starts to show the power of the app. In the top right of the main window there are four options find and replace, symbols, file properties and a set of upload and export options. Find and replace offers a list of three choices, whole word case sensitive and diacritic sensitive (which to be honest means nothing to me). Symbol should really be called tags or selectors. Say your looking a CSS file, you can scroll down a list to find your ids classes etc, the same is true in all of the languages supported and it makes code navigation very easy.
The only downside I have found was file previewing, it'll preview HTML, Php but it's all local. You maybe thinking well that's what you'd expect, but if I make a change I'd like to be able to preview the live change so any dynamic files could be called up and the net result becomes visible. So that said you need to consider a workflow along the lines of lots of creating and editing then uploading to preview and it doesn't suit my quick change see if it's gone screwy style.
Moving back over to the main settings for the file and you will be surprised at the level of. On troll you have. There are the things you expect like font choice size word wrapping etc but then there is the huge amount of theme styles which I believe have been ported from Textmate on the Mac. From dark Unix styles to an Amiga Magic Workbench style, that said the online help section explains how to create theme bundles for full confirmation. The most useful tool would be if you added the TextExpander app to your iPad. This gives you the ability to create short codes for regular tasks and to speed up your workflow.
So Textastic is one of the most fully thought out text editors on the market. If you need something to help you get to grips with your code then you could do far worse than downloading this app.


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Pain Research and Treatment
Volume 2013, Article ID 217864, 8 pages
Role of NHE1 in Nociception
1Centro de Investigación y Posgrado y División Académica de Ciencias de la Salud, Universidad Juárez Autónoma de Tabasco, 86040 Villahermosa, TAB, Mexico
2Hospital Regional de Alta Especialidad "Dr. Juan Graham Casasús", 86126 Villahermosa, TAB, Mexico
3Sección de Estudios de Posgrado e Investigación, Escuela Superior de Medicina, Instituto Politécnico Nacional, 11340 México, DF, Mexico
4Departamento de Farmacobiología, Centro de Investigación y de Estudios Avanzados (Cinvestav), Sede Sur, Calzada Tenorios 235, Colonia Granjas Coapa, 14330 México, DF, Mexico
Received 29 August 2012; Accepted 2 January 2013
Academic Editor: Pierangelo Geppetti
Copyright © 2013 Jorge Elías Torres-López et al. This is an open access article distributed under the Creative Commons Attribution License, which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original work is properly cited.
Intracellular pH is a fundamental parameter to cell function that requires tight homeostasis. In the absence of any regulation, excessive acidification of the cytosol would have the tendency to produce cellular damage. Mammalian Na+/H+ exchangers (NHEs) are electroneutral Na+-dependent proteins that exchange extracellular Na+ for intracellular H+. To date, there are 9 identified NHE isoforms where NHE1 is the most ubiquitous member, known as the housekeeping exchanger. NHE1 seems to have a protective role in the ischemia-reperfusion injury and other inflammatory diseases. In nociception, NHE1 is found in neurons along nociceptive pathways, and its pharmacological inhibition increases nociceptive behavior in acute pain models at peripheral and central levels. Electrophysiological studies also show that NHE modulates electrical activity of primary nociceptive terminals. However, its role in neuropathic pain still remains controversial. In humans, NHE1 may be responsible for inflammatory bowel diseases since its expression is reduced in Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis. The purpose of this work is to provide a review of the evidence about participation of NHE1 in the nociceptive processing.


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ENDRESS+Hauser's Promass flow meters linked by Profibus, have streamlined loading bay capabilities at the Shell Lubricant Centre at Stanlow in Ellesmere Port, UK, for its bulk finished products - mainly hydraulic and engine oils.
Shell's main objectives in constructing the new bay were to increase loading efficiency, and to move away from traditional 'top loading' of tankers to the more safety-conscious 'bottom loading' method.
Given that the products concerned are typically non-conductive, Coriolis flow meters (which provide mass flow, density and temperature outputs) offer the most accurate and repeatable measuring technology.
At Endress+Hauser's suggestion, 10 Promass 83F Coriolis mass flowmeters were installed, linked by a Profibus DP communication network.
The Profibus network makes a wealth of additional application information (including density and temperature data) available, and significantly reduces cabling and I/O requirements.
Since Shell loads tankers by volume, these measurements can be accurately derived from the temperature-compensated density and mass flow measurements.
The Promass Coriolis flow meters also feature a self-monitoring 'health check' for optimum performance. Furthermore, they are secure and tamper-proof and account for all product transfers from the storage tanks, allowing seamless integration into Shell's inventory control system.
The key benefit of Shell's new loading system is that it supports driver-initiated loading, which significantly increases loading efficiency by eliminating the need for drivers to wait for a manual communications link-up to the pumps.
The driver simply enters a load number into a computer panel, and the order details are automatically requested. The driver's load number is then validated and the details (eg load quantity, lubricant grade) are sent for automatic loading.
This approach greatly increases process security by cutting out manual involvement. It also eliminates incorrect operation, since the pumps will not dispense if the information is not valid. Furthermore, it saves time and money by reducing the number of steps involved by 50%.
"," comments Chris Turner, E&I engineer at the Shell Lubricant Centre said driver-initiated loading had proved a real benefit all round.
"All the data provided by the Profibus network, such as diagnostic information, has helped us maintain smooth operation and system integrity and the Promass flowmeters are low-maintenance, accurate, secure and user-friendly."
Endress+Hauser's Applicator Selection software tool at www.endress.com.au can help customers explore their level measurement options and determine exactly which Promass flowmeter solution they need.


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Other Writing Sites which use Google Adsense
- How to Get a Google Adsense Publisher Id
Many freelance writers use revenue sharing sites on the internet to generate some income on the side. Most of these sites use Google Adsense and you need to have a publisher id to make use of this. Here's how you can get one.
There are many sites which allow you to use Google Adsense on the content that you generate. It is not just the articles that you write but also photos that you upload that can generate a few cents. Some sites even allow you to upload your own videos.
Hereare a few sites that I have used and generated a few clicks from. Hope you find them useful. If you do decide to join these sites I would appreciate it if you used my referral links. It will help grow my network and friend circle on the site as well.
After Hubpages this was the first site I ventured out to. I heard about it in the hubpages forums and realized that a large part of the community was writing here as well. So I decided to check it out. I posted a lot of my poems here, which I had written since I was in school. The support of the creative community is far greater than on Hubpages. People are ready with constructive criticism to help you improve as a writer. I made a couple of really good friends as well.
Then I moved on to regular articles and now am not too regular on the site. However the royalties from previous articles ensure that I meet their fifty cents payment threshold each month. So I get a paypal payment from them every month in the 10th of the month without fail. Its not big money, but its money in the bank. They recently added Google Adsense and now allow you to collect on clicks and page impressions in a 50-50 split. So if you wish to Join Triond click here.
This is a site I was led to from Triond. They have a slightly different set up for writing. You can do two different types of articles called Xombytes and Xomblurbs. It can be a bit confusing to get used to the terminology and I still have to check the site to know which is which, but its fairly easy to use.
A Xombyte is like a Hub. You write an article and add images and links. They do have a minimum word count which I believe was recently pushed up to 350 words. While a Xomblurb is merely a fun way to share links. You write a 50 word description about the link and post it up for others. The Google Adsense is 100% yours, they make money from other ad publishers.
Info Barrel
Although I found this site a while ago I have not done much writing on it as yet. I discovered it from a person I did some ghost writing for. It also has Google Adsense and Chitika. It is relatively easy to get approved for Chitika if you have one approved article on the site. They do content moderation and nothing gets published below 500 words.
The quality of articles is high. After you publish ten approved articles your content is no longer moderated. Or so they say, am not yet done with ten articles myself. You can also add videos if you have some. Recently they began the friends and pm system. It is developing into something similar to Hubpages. It is much smaller in terms of the community, but yes its seems like a nice place to write. If you wish you can Join Info Barrel Here.
You Say Too
As I said one site leads to another. I was invited to You Say Too by a fellow Hubber, Pear Diver. It also allows you to write blogs on its site as well as import blogs that you write for. They have the regular Hubpage type set up which allows you to make friends with other site members, but they also have a pm system which Hubpages is missing.
Besides using Google Adsense they also allow you to use the Amazon Affiliate code. Unlike hubpages you can not choose the products. They do that on their own. They also have a new Awards scheme which allows you to win some cash and fun gifts. Join You Say Too here.
This is the site that I have barely used. Just wanted to try it out but realized I was wearing myself out trying to publish on so many sites. So I decided to leave this one be. There are a few photos and a couple of articles on this one, but I am not really using the site too much. Probably because I never saw much income being generated by the site.
There are people here who will hit your ads for you if you hit theirs for them. A system which I feel is horrible. People should like what you write and be genuinely interested in the ads that they click. So I don't want my account to be banned by Google and I avoid the site.
She Told Me
While She Told Me is not a writing site, it does help get your sites more traffic. Plus you can add the Google Adsense Id to help make a few extra cents. I have just started using it two weeks ago and so am yet to see any real income. However they too have a good option to book mark stuff that you have written on other sites. This will help in the pages getting back links and ranking higher in the search engines. Click here to Join She Told Me.
Triond is a waste of time. Also, this site does not update or accurately keep money detail of how many people visit your articles or how much is being made.
Also, you can not make anything from this site off adsense. This is one of the worse sites out there. The only site worthwhile where you can make some thing is suite 101.
I have had as few as 20 aticles on suite 101 and made nearly 50 bucks. I have made as much as 80 cents with Triond with more than 20 articles before I removed them.
Nice compilation Cashmere. Glad to follow you.
Most of them are known to me. Informative anyway.
Thanks cashmere for such a nice hub. i am lookimg for couple of sites u mentioned
Thanks cashmere for sharing this information. I joined xomba last month but is yet to make anything from it.
Good info cashmere. I have been thinking about venturing out for a while. There are so many choices, not to even mention blogs!
Thanks for sharing excellent information on Google Adsense. Yours probably the best in this area.
Hi Cashmere!
Excellent hub! Thanks so much for the great sites that you provided in this hub. I am going to check out Triond. I will use your link so that you get credit. I am a fan :)
Thanks for the valuable info. Being fairly new to Hubpages I am still sort of feeling my way around. I am eager to look into the sites you mentioned.
Thanks for this, I've seen a few new sites too. I wonder which one you would rate the best - after HP ofcourse. :)
Best wishes.
Good info! Thanks for sharing!
Cashmere, I am new to the Hub-Pages and the revenue sharing websites as well. Thank you for this information. I will check it out and see how I can make a go of it. Once again, thank you.
Thanks for posting there are many different things to learn on this subject, im happy to have come across your information
Very informative. Thank you for this. It is very helpful. Take care.
There is no referral system at Qondio...but I guess that goes to prove I think it's good...I get nothing for recommending it. :)
Good to hear that there are so many sites for using google adsense. It's good to have a few writing sites to provide backlinks to the articles in each other.
Just to point out the terms from the Xomba website on revenue sharing is
"Xomba splits its Google Adsense revenue with users 50/50. We do this by changing the Adsense code every time the page is viewed. So half the time someone views your article, our Adsense code is being used, and the other half of the time, your Adsense code is being used"
But your hub mentions 100%
Thank you for the information. I have used Xomba a little bit but not too much. I like Qondio. I gives me Adsense and it also allows you to run almost any other type of ads as well. Plus you get Do Follow backlinks. You might want to check it out and see if you would also recommend it.
cashmere, thank you for the very useful information. I like having your top choices all in one convenient location and your descriptions of the differences in sites is most helpful.
Wonderful info! time is definitely a issue but great to know there are other sites similar to HP. :) thanks!
Excellent hub. I had joined Xomba a month ago but was confused about the blurbs and bytes and you made it very understandable, I can't thank you enough.
Keeping up with them all is so hard. Triond kept emailing and emailing - 'you haven't published yet...' and in the end I think they gave up on me (though I do plan to go back there and give it a try). I think Xomba is my next stop - but I do really like Hubpages, just have to force myself to diversify.
I am on Flixya and I wasn't sure what people meant by hit so I would just write hit back to them. I didn't spend enough time there.
Good information, Cashmere. I am only with Hubpages and Yousaytoo, because I don't have time for anything else. I have 4 blogs to keep up and two online paying jobs. so with research, reading, and running a business that takes up all my time.
I am with all those Sites. So far my best earner is HubPages. But Triond and InfoBarrel also have been steady earners with less articles so i guess it is worth to put some more time writing there. Xomba too gets me 1 or 2 clicks a day. I am yet to start writing on Yousaytoo. I have a couple of garden pictures in Flixya and 2 articles and they do not earn me anything. All this sites helps in cross promoting so it is not a bad idea to write in more than one site.
Thank you for this information Cashmere.
If you had to rank them, what would the rankings be?
I have yet to earn any money on the net. High time I started.
I have tried Triond and wrote 12 articles but not a lot of income came from it. I don't know what to make of that one. Mind you I haven't anything from hub either so far and hoping there will be a cloud-burst soon. I have got 184 hubs there. I will try out Info Barrel because they say you shoud have several and I am looking for more.. Thank you for your good advice.
Hi Cashmere: For the last one year I must have tried 10 different sites and finally got hooked on to HP. I'm thinking of trying Info Barrel but the only problem is the 'time'. I hardly get time to write even though I want to. Thx for the info.


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Dixie Beer Co - Raw Solid Brass Bottle Opener
Flat rate shipping on all items $2.50 unless otherwise noted.
This item ships via USPS. Please allow 1-2 business days for this item to leave our shop. Please allow 2-3 business days on any items that are "made to order".
Made in USA
Made in the USA - Since 1937


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Steve Borsuk – Obsessed with Natural Beauty Images.
Check out this presentation today!
I am sure you will fall in love with each and every picture.
Can you believe this? Steve Borsuk – who is the CEO of Capitalife Lending Inc., is totally opposite on the inside, from what he is from the outside. Apart from dedicatedly handling his job responsibilities, he always takes out to spend with kids. This year, he celebrated it with small children.
A few days back, I was just checking for Steve Borsuk on the World Wide Web and I came along this wonderful presentation on Slideshare. The presentation is based on the natural beauty images theme. It starts with some of the natural scenes images that Steve likes the most.
Well, it's not just 1, 2, 3 or 10 images! In fact, there is a complete collection of 32 images that will let you understand the photography choice of Steve Borsuk.
I am sure you will fall in love with each and every picture.


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Séminaire général du Département de physique
|60 Years after Flory's Ideality Hypothesis: Are Polymer Chains in a Melt Really Ideal?
Jörg Baschnagel (Strasbourg)
14 janvier 2010
A cornerstone of modern polymer physics is the Flory ideality hypothesis. This hypothesis states that polymer chains in the melt—that is, in a liquid consisting of polymer chains—have random-walk-like conformations. The chains behave as if there were no excluded volume forces between the monomers. However, recent theoretical and numerical results suggest that this view of a polymer melt is an oversimplification. There are noticable deviations from chain ideality, resulting from the interplay of chain connectivity and incompressibility of the melt. This interplay leads to a swelling of chain segments and thus to a perturbation of the postulated ideal chain conformation. The swelling manifests itself, for instance, in the following way: (i) The bond-bond correlation function of two bonds separated by s monomers along the chain decays algebraically for large s instead of exponentially; (ii) there are systematic, wave-vector-dependent deviations from the Kratky plateau for the form factor of a chain; and (iii) the static Rouse modes are continuously depressed below the prediction for ideal chains. We will present an overview of these results and briefly discuss the relevance of the described deviations from chain ideality in other situations, e.g., for polymer melts in confined geometry.
|- Visualiser
- Télécharger
|Jörg Baschnagel (Strasbourg)
S閙inaire du d閜artement de physique de l'ENS
en physique


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Moncler Down Waistband And Fur Collar Slim Women Jackets
Founded by Rene Ramillon in 1952, the French company Moncler designs fine outerwear and sportswear. Moncler series, especially the Moncler Jackets are classic and win wide popularity. Every design is sophisticated. Here, The new style Moncler Women Jackets provided for this winter.You can be absolutely relieved to attend any activities outside in such a freezing winter. Do not miss the chance to own these stylish and Fashion moncler women's jackets.
Brand Moncler
Filling 90% Down,10% Feathers
Accessories Slash,Zipper,Pockets,Waistband
Cap&Collar Fur Collar
Fabric Nylon,Polyester Lining
Length Short
Washing Instructions Hand Wash
Packaging Original Packaging


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Riteish Deshmukh tweets pictures of family
Ritesh Deshmukh let fans in on a pleasant and adorable surprise. The Bollywood star tweeted his son's picture for the first time, for fans on micro blogging site Twitter. The actor shared pictures of his cute, plump baby on the occasion of his father Vilasrao Deshmukh's 70th birth anniversary.
On my Father's #70thBirthAnniversary Riaan turns 6 months old. pic.twitter.com/7CZMn1bRZd
— Riteish Deshmukh (@Riteishd) May 26, 2015
Afterwards, the Ek Villain star posted another picture of his adorable child with beautiful wife Genelia D'Souza in the frame as well.
Riaan completes Us @geneliad pic.twitter.com/okAA8KKueQ — Riteish Deshmukh (@Riteishd) May 26, 2015
The actor also posted an emotional photo of himself, his son Riaan and wife Genelia paying proper respect to his father Vilasrao Deshmukh.


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Daily Laughter Monday
Have a great Day
Berwick xxx
Q:If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
A: None. Roosters Don't Lay Eggs!
A: JAMMIES. (This space reserved for the KIDS JOKE you are going to send to me.)
1. HOW TO EAT SPINACH LIKE A CHILD: Divide it into piles. Rearrange again into piles. Repeat four or five times, then sit back and say you are full.
KIDS HUMOROUS T-SHIRTS:1. Glad I'm back in school. NOT!
Do you have a funny T-shirt saying or a funny quote? Please e-mail it to me. firstname.lastname@example.com Please include the words KIDS JOKES in the Subject line.
THE GOOD NEWS: Over the last 55-plus years I have collected tons of CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS and nearly 250,000 DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR sayings, and DIET JOKES. Many of which are originals by yours truly.) Less than .5 percent of my collection is found on this Web site.
THE BAD NEWS: You will not be able to enjoy the other ninety-nine point five percent (99.5 %) of DIET HUMOR, FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR and lots of funny CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS until I am properly published in book form.
I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU.Please tell your friends about my FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR website, and my DIET HUMOR wesite danworona.50megs.com .
COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of the CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS jokes, or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.
COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis" / "Rare Bird"
He has "searched the world" for more than 55-years for diet humor / humour, diet ditties, diet limericks, weight-loss humor, fat humour and diet slang. Daniel Worona has thousand's of original and unpublished diet humor sayings, diet cartoons, and diet word plays.
This is the FATTEST and best diet humor / humour collection in the world!!!
Please visist my DIET HUMOR AND CHOCOLATE HUMOR website: (The number one DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES website in the world): danworona.50megs.com
If for some reason my lifelong collection of more than 250,000 DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can.
Who loses? Not me! YOU DO!!! BIG-TIME!!!
Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it
A guy's going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him. The first night on the Amtrak, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk. She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!" He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're *Mrs.* Forsythe for a little while? She says, "Oh, I'd like that." He says, "Then get you own damn blanket."
A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?"
A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries. She says, "Well, what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? What's that?" She says, "I'll show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time. When they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you like love?" He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Jeez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?" He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and (hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered the iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"
A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting seasick. The doctor says, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock." The guy says, "Will that keep me from getting sick, Doc?" The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."
A guy goes in to see a psychiatrist. He says, "Doc, I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"
A couple gets married and the wife puts a foot locker in the bedroom. She locks it, then puts the only key on a chain around her neck. For fifty years, her husband tries to figure out what's in there, but she always changes the subject, and avoids the issue. Finally, on the night of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, he says to her, "I've got to know what's in the trunk!" She takes the key, unlocks the foot locker, and inside there's two ears of corn and $25,000. The guy says, "What's with the two ears of corn?" She says, "Well, umm, in the fifty years, every time I broke our marriage vows, I put an ear of corn in the trunk." The guy figures, "Twice in fifty years, not so bad..." Then he says, "And what's the $25,000?" She says, "Well, everytime I got a bushel, I sold it."
How about the stupid guy who got a job at the candy factory, working quality control, throwing away all the M&Ms that said "W"?
He doesn't eat M&Ms himself... He says they're too tough to peel.
A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her husband!"
You know how to make holy water? You take some regular water and you boil the hell out of it.
Two coin collectors got together for old dimes sake.
I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.
When I found out that the fire department was charging $75.00 per table for their craft fair I told them they could go to blazes.
I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.
"Have some chocolate covered cherries," she said cordially.
I dated a politician over the holidays but when I wrapped myself up as a present, he couldn't cut through the red tape.
The dermatologist and his wife enjoyed the backyard BBQ, while their children played a game of skin tag.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What do you get if Basil Brush is eating a four cheese pizza and he catches fire? Mozzarella FireFox.
I got a small ticket for speeding. It's fine with me.
I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!
I went and saw the Hobbit, it put a Smaug look on my face.
I was in the linen trade, but gave it up. Too much toile.
It's difficult to know where to draw feline, when it comes to cat jokes.
A reciprocating saw is a saw that gets borrowed and returned among neighbors.
Most pipe dreams just go down the tubes.
She wanted the large estate quite badly but, she dared not mansion it to her frugal husband.
A swan's favorite salad is Cobb salad.
With the apocalypse approaching, armageddon out of here!
The race horse went lame early. It was the first out of its gait.
To a Vegetarian Haggis
Oh go'en hide yer sleekit face,
Great charlatan o' the pudding-race!
Ahin them a' ye tak your place,
Onion, lentil, and baked beans:
Weel are ye wordy o' great disgrace,
As lang's my arm.
Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind despair,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
All Scotland hates yer stinking ware,
That smells like lavvies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,
Cowp yon veggie haggis!
pitaph on Jack McMarra
Here lies Jack McMarra,
Fell under a barra,
Nae mair livin',
Gone tae Hivin,
Here lies Jack McMarra.
On a Lass of Amazonian Stature
Oh Maisie she's a right bonnie big lass,
Built like an elephant an' twice the mass,
Wae eyes as big as mince meat pies,
An' the strength tae kill men atween her thighs.
Dinnae fo' fae the charms of her mighty tits,
Or ye'll end up bein' buried in twenty bits.
Oh Maisie she's a right bonnie big lass.
A Warning on Spontaneous Combustion
O whisky is the king of drinks,
Renowned the world o'er,
But here's a word o' caution,
Tae think of when ye pour.
There's a certain combination,
That tastes so very good,
But when it hits your tummy,
And mixes with your food.
That's when the trouble starts,
For yer pleasure hits overload,
And half an hour later,
Ye'll suddenly explode.
So there ye are in the pub,
Completely engulfed in flames,
And yer good wife's dashing home,
Tae lodge insurance claims.
Well now that I have told ye,
Don't say ye've no' been warned,
So don't try it oot yersel',
Or ye'll soon be bein' mourned.
On the Ning Nang Nong
On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
And the Monkeys all say Boo!
Theres a Nang Nong Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the Mice go Clang!
And you just cant catch em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong!
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning!
Trees go Ping!
Nong Ning Nang!
The mice go Clang!
What a noisy place to belong,Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong
The Voice of the Lobster
Tis the voice of the Lobster: I heard him declare
'You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.'
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark:
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.'
'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
How the Owl and the Panter were sharing a pie:
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
While the Old had the dish as its share of the treat.
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
And concluded the banquet by eating the owl.
Ode Tae a Bumble Bee
Wee hoverin', fleein' ferlie fello',
Wi' yer stripes o' black and yello',
Yer ever sae bonnie, so ye ur,
Like a spring lamb – only smaller and withoot the fur,
But see if ye ever sting me oan the bum again,
Ah'm gonnae jump on yer heid so Ah um.
To a Brussels Sprout
O, Brussels sprout sae green and round,
Ye sit upon ma plate,
So innocently mystifying,
The cause o' much debate.
Some say ye taste like camel droppings,
While others think you great,
I'm sure your sitting there a wonderin',
Whit's goin' tae be your fate.
So let me tell you o' so quick,
As nervously you wait,
That I find you e'er so loathsome,
So you definitely won't be ate.
As a lad ma mates and I,
Played chicken oan motorway lanes,
But that was dull, so now we play,
Duck wae aeroplanes.
Target Practice
Ah've jist shot my mither,
Noo that may seem strange,
But Ah'd jist bought a gun,
And she wis in range.
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat oan a wa'
Humpty Dumpty hud a big fa',
It wisnae an accident,
Caused by cocaine,
It was those fin' neds,
Frae Easterhoose - again.
The Pig
In England once there lived a big
And wonderfully clever pig.
To everybody it was plain
That Piggy had a massive brain.
He worked out sums inside his head,
There was no book he hadn't read.
He knew what made an airplane fly,
He knew how engines worked and why.
He knew all this, but in the end
One question drove him round the bend:
He simply couldn't puzzle out
What LIFE was really all about.
What was the reason for his birth?
Why was he placed upon this earth?
His giant brain went round and round.
Alas, no answer could be found.
Till suddenly one wondrous night.
All in a flash he saw the light.
He jumped up like a ballet dancer
And yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!"
"They want my bacon slice by slice
"To sell at a tremendous price!
"They want my tender juicy chops
"To put in all the butcher's shops!
"They want my pork to make a roast
"And that's the part'll cost the most!
"They want my sausages in strings!
"They even want my chitterlings!
"The butcher's shop! The carving knife!
"That is the reason for my life!"
Such thoughts as these are not designed
To give a pig great piece of mind.
Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
A pail of pigswill in his hand,
And piggy with a mighty roar,
Bashes the farmer to the floor…
Now comes the rather grizzly bit
So let's not make too much of it,
Except that you must understand
That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
He ate him up from head to toe,
Chewing the pieces nice and slow.
It took an hour to reach the feet,
Because there was so much to eat,
And when he finished, Pig, of course,
Felt absolutely no remorse.
Slowly he scratched his brainy head
And with a little smile he said,
"I had a fairly powerful hunch
"That he might have me for his lunch.
"And so, because I feared the worst,
"I thought I'd better eat him first."
What is the moral lesson in little red riding hood?
careful of who u trust, and ALWAYS listen to ur mummy..
also go the path that u know to be the correct one and dont take chances unless there's someone with u.
The moral lesson that was given in the story," Little Red Riding Hood" was to not speak to other people you do not know.
Leave this one till you go to bed,but do not read it alone
Once there were three little pigs who lived together in perfect harmony with each other, as all siblings should. They had great respect for all of the other animals in the kingdom, celebrating the differences in physiognomy and physiology which made each animal distinct.
They also lived in perfect harmony with their environment. And when they decided to each construct their own homes, they vowed to only use materials that were indigenous to the area to conserve precious resources. In point-of-fact, they each built a beautiful house, each house a personification of their individual values and personalities.
One pig decided to build a house of straw. With his two brothers, he traveled to all of the fields in the region and gathered that which the reapers had missed in order to leave the land ready for the next crop.
When the first structure was completed, and properly inspected and approved by the woodland authorities, the second one wanted a house constructed of sticks. Our three heros gathered only that woodfall not suitable for crafts, leaving the woods they gleaned safe for travel and replanting.
The second house completed, the three constructed the third house of dung, clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small smokeless kiln.
When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination. But their idyllic life-styles were soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas.
He saw the pigs and grew very hungry in both a physical and ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in !"
The pigs shouted back, "Your terrorist tactics impinge no fear for pigs who are defending their homes and culture."
But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit.
Where the straw house had stood, other wolves seized the land and planned a chicken farm, where they would cruelly force the birds to live in over-crowded coops and increase profits by ignoring any problems caused by manure polluting the near-by streams.
Meanwhile, at the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little, pigs, little pigs, let me in !"
The pigs shouted back, "Go away, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor !"
At this the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels.
Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves made plans a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, each unit would be a fiberglass replica of the original house of sticks. They planned massive water canals and dams, long known to both wreck and flood the surrounding fragile landscape.
Meanwhile, at the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in !"
This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote strong letters of protest to the Editor of the Woodland Journal.
By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.
The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the house that had saved them. Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other animals who had been forced off their lands.
The brigade of brave lil' pigs attacked the wolves' Total Quality Management Planning Complex with machine-guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs.
Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone.
If you are still with us
I hope that you had some fun reading them and had some good laughs
Have a happy Monday and tomorrow is find the vein game for me. he he he NOT!!!!!!
Breath Easy My friends
Berwick xxxxx


text: ELKHART - Thelma M. Gilbert, 84, died Sunday in Hubbard Hills Estates of natural causes. Survivors include a daughter, Roberta Lundberg of Osceola; four sisters, Reta Struble of Cherokee, Ark., Marilyn Dickey of Pequot Lakes, Minn., and Phyllis Ott and Gayle Miller, both of Elkhart; and a brother, Charles Stanley of Elkhart. Graveside services will be at a later date. There is will be no visitation. Chapel Hill Funeral Home, Osceola, is handling arrangements.


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text:
Today is Halloween.
That doesn't mean altogether that much to me. I mean, I never did get that laser I wanted last year to beam trick or treaters as they approach the house. What's left? Well I thought I would discuss a pivotal moment in cinematic history when the "scary movie" intersected with science fiction yielding classic results.
I am talking about Alien.
Wired magazine recently published never-before-seen sketches for Alien. Several of the drawings naturally come from H.R. Giger but there is other conceptual art in there as well. It's sometimes difficult to recall that the "xenomorph" from the film, so iconic and indelible of an image in the mind of any science fiction fan or movie buff for that matter, did not materialize fully formed. Rather, it seems to have been a case similar to so many other products of a creative mind: the design was cobbled together through many different points of inspiration. For example, one sketch shows that the face and head of the alien came from what was originally intended to be a skull-shaped Harkonnen Castle for the film adaptation of Dune. Giger kept the teeth and the elongated skull but ditched the eyes.
He also had an alternate design for the "facehugger" stage of the xenomorph that was even creepier than the one we ended up with. It was hand-shaped and had an eye in the knuckle regions. It also had a dual mouth, giving it the obvious Freudian overtones that the article points out.
There is also concept art for that ill-fated spaceship, The Nostromo. This depiction has it towing an asteroid with a mining station perched atop it. Additionally, there is an alternate version of how the interior of the derelict ship would appear. It seemed more industrial and bright, like a steel smelting plant with the brilliant light of a furnace fire. That's a far cry from what resulted in Alien and eventually in Prometheus (shudder).
You can also find concept art for Alien 3 at the link, but that's a film that I like to pretend doesn't exist and I find I can do that with a certain degree of plausibility.
Ultimately, it is the design of the xenomorph itself that endures. Eyeless. Essentially faceless save for teeth and jaws. Its elongated, phallic-shaped head serving as the connotation of the fine line between terror and eroticism. Yes, that's one of the truly odd things about the design, isn't it? It's an organism that lives only to kill, it would kill you or anyone in a horrific manner and without any thought, yet there is something sexy about it. In the way it looks, in the way it moves, in the way it even stands or runs after someone down the corridors of The Nostromo. It's not overt and it certainly isn't the central theme of the alien, but it is there, lurking beneath all the teeth, slime, and ick.
Anyway, Happy Halloween. Go carve a virtual pumpkin.
Follow me on Twitter: @Jntweets


text:
The Double Date That Didn't End Ch. 01-02bybosombuddies©
I felt a stab of jealousy at the thought of them alone together. Not that I had anything to complain about—not with the prospect of Connor driving me home in a little while—but in spite of everything, I'd gradually started thinking of Shane as my date, not Tracy's. He was charming and romantic, whereas Connor seemed content to just be a goof. And, though my first impression of Shane had been that he was scarcely better than average-looking, each successive minute we spent together somehow seemed to transform him. The way he scrunched up his mouth before he laughed, the warmth in his eyes each time he smiled at me—it all just fit his personality so perfectly. By the time the boys left to go stow all those stuffed animals in their cars, I'd decided that Shane was actually one of the most beautiful men I'd ever met.
And in a couple hours, he'd be having sex with my best friend...
"Oh my god, Connor is such a hunk!" Tracy exclaimed, yanking me back into reality. "When he took off his jacket to swing the hammer at that thing—Whoo! It was like Thor the God of Hotness had descended from the heavens. How did you ever get lucky enough to land a man like that?"
I shrugged, "Our story isn't exactly a Nicholas Sparks novel, honey. Connor works for FedEx, and he drops off packages at my office every Tuesday. Last week, he asked me out. That pretty much brings us to the present."
Tracy let out a hungry moan to make sure I knew exactly what was on her mind. "Mmm! Sexy delivery guy. I wouldn't mind him delivering his package to ME every day, if you know what I mean."
"I'm fairly certain I do, yes."
She leaned in close, conspiring: "You have to tell me what you think of Shane. Isn't he cute?"
"At first, I didn't really think so, but—"
"But those EYES, right? I swear, he's like a sorcerer or something. The more time you look at him, the sexier he gets."
I giggled, nodding my agreement.
Tracy frowned a little bit and added, "I just wish he wasn't so... sweet."
"Sweet? Why wouldn't you want a guy to be sweet?"
"It just feels kind of cheesy, I don't know. Like, did he really have to buy me those flowers?"
"I love that he bought you flowers! It was romantic! Seriously, I wish Connor had done something like that for me."
Tracy's lips spread into a wicked smile. I stopped in my tracks, jabbing an accusing finger at her—
"Hang on a second, I know that face. That's your 'evil' face! What are you scheming at?"
"You'd get mad at me if I told you."
"Well now you REALLY have to fess up. Out with it!"
Tracy actually blushed—I could count on one hand the number of times THAT's happened—and she blurted out, "I was wondering if you'd be interested in switching dates."
My heart skipped a beat. The breath caught in my throat. I didn't know what to say.
"It was just an idea!" Tracy hurriedly insisted. "I don't wanna cause any drama. But can we at least agree that they're both really-super-good-looking and awesome guys? And you and Shane just seem to be more... Actually, you know what? Never mind. Forget I said anything."
"Me and Shane seem to be more what?" I whispered.
"More compatible. And I really like him, too—obviously—but I think Connor is just more my style. I feel like he gets me."
Switch dates? Is that actually what I wanted? I'd been looking forward to a night with Connor for so long—ever since I'd first laid eyes on him, really. Urgh! 26 years of life, and I meet both these guys on the same day? What are the chances? Why couldn't I have met one of them a year from now, AFTER I'd already had a chance to screw the other guy a few thousand times?
"They're not library books, Trace. We can't just 'trade' them back and forth whenever we feel like it. Besides, what makes you think they would even go for it?"
"Only one way to find out. What do you say? Would you rather go home with Connor or Shane? They're gonna be back any second, I wanna know what you think!"
This was such a bad idea. For all their tough-guy huffing and puffing, men are really sensitive when it comes to stuff like this. They don't want to feel interchangeable any more than we do. Even the horniest guys will lose their temper and storm off if you make them feel small.
I spotted our two sexy dates walking back towards us through the carnival. Shane smiled when he saw me, and my heart just melted. I felt tingly all over. Sorcerer, indeed. The idea of going home without him was too much to bear, even if it meant I'd have to skip out on ever seeing Connor naked.
"Let's do it," I breathed excitedly.
"Okay, it's ten minutes to midnight," I said to the others. "How do you guys want to celebrate Christmas?"
Ria held up the goldfish I'd won her and jokingly answered, "Not that I want to sound ungrateful or anything, but we should probably release Pete here back into the wild at some point."
"There's a creek over by the Tunnel of Love," Connor pointed out.
"Ooh, the Tunnel of Love. That sounds fun," Tracy cooed, snuggling up to my side. I couldn't help but notice that she was looking at Connor as she said it, instead of me.
"Yeah, what do you all say?" Connor asked. "One more ride before we all head home for the evening?" He wrapped his great big arms around Ria's tiny frame, and I fought back the urge to tell him to back off. He clearly had his eyes laser-focused on Tracy's chest.
Ria looked at me, conflicted, and said, "Actually—" But she lost her nerve and refused to finish the sentence. "Shane, what do you wanna do?" she asked instead.
I could feel the soft presence of Tracy's enormous bosom squeezing against my arm. DAMN, that woman was hot. I wanted her so badly...
But as I looked around at my three companions—each of us gazing longingly at the wrong person—I realized just how silly we were all behaving.
"I think the Tunnel of Love sounds awesome," I said. "But if it's okay with you guys, I wanna ride with Ria."
The group went silent. No one said a word as Ria and Tracy switched places, nervously taking the hand of each other's date. It was an awkward moment, to be sure, but it was also clearly what everybody wanted. As soon as we had traded, all four of us started grinning like idiots.
"Also, I'd rather we kept the goldfish," I added.
Given the strong smell of chlorine as we approached the Tunnel of Love, I figured that it had probably been a good call not to dump poor Pete in the water there. The weather was cold and the hour was late, so the ride was totally empty of other people when we arrived. Ria and I bid the other couple "Merry Christmas" as they climbed inside one of the ride's fiberglass swan-boats and disappeared into the tunnel.
Then it was our turn.
"I can't believe they have an actual Tunnel of Love here!" I laughed, gently lowering Ria into the boat.
"Seriously, I thought these things went out of fashion in the twenties!"
But I wasn't complaining. The seats were a lot roomier and more comfortable than I'd been expecting, and the elevated "wings" of the swan we were riding in did such a good job of concealing us from the outside world that we barely even needed the darkness of the tunnel to maintain privacy.
Once inside, the only illumination came from thousands of softly twinkling Christmas lights, lining the walls like festively-colored stars. Corny winter love songs blared out over tinny speakers to mask the sounds of lovers' stolen kisses.
I draped an arm around my beautiful companion, holding her close. She lifted her lips to my ear and whispered:
"So, how come you wanted to ride with me? Instead of Tracy?"
"You want the honest answer? I gotta warn you, it's gonna sound crazy."
"Go for it."
A thousand Christmas lights were reflected in those dark eyes of hers.
"I think I'm falling for you."
And then, to the immortally awful tune of "I'll Be Missing You Come Christmas" by the New Kids on the Block, she kissed me.
Pyrotechnics went off in my brain. Her lips were searing hot, pressing against me like naked flames. The winter air sizzled around us and I held close. Ria moaned, finally pulling away for a moment to catch her breath.
"I fucking love this song," she panted. Then she climbed onto my lap and kissed me again.
Beneath the soft fabric of my slacks, I was hard as iron. I wrapped arms around her slender waist and, after dreaming about it all night long, I dropped my hands to her nice, tight ass and gave it a nice, firm squeeze. Her eyes closed and her head rolled back in pleasure—presenting me with the feminine curve of her neck. I teasingly ran my tongue across the skin of her throat, and she muttered something in Spanish.
Slowly, one of Ria's hands slipped down off my shoulder, trailed down my chest, and, tentatively, reached between my legs to press down against the shape of my cock. Our eyes met again in the darkness—our lips crashed back together—and her gentle rubbing through my slacks became fierce and firm.
I promptly reached up beneath her shirt, cupping my palms beneath the delicate lace bra that supported her firm, young breasts—
Then the damn ride ended. We blinked into the lights of the carnival, frustrated beyond belief.
"Aw man! Just when things were getting interesting!" I whined.
Shane laughed and kissed me one last time. We looked up to see our two friends waiting for us off to the side.
"I take it you guys had a good time," Tracy grinned, nodding between Shane's legs.
I still had my hand down there. Quickly, I hopped off of him and did my best to get my pulse rate back down to normal as Connor helped me back onto solid ground.
"That was fun," Connor said. "I've never been on one of those things before."
Shane embarrassedly straightened out the bulge in his slacks before he got to his feet. "Yeah, it's fun, but it's way too short. I wish they'd just let us keep riding the thing, it's not like there's anybody else waiting in line here."
I looked over at the exhausted Mexican guy operating the ride—bored out of his mind—and an idea popped into my head.
"Hang on guys, I'll be right back."
I strolled over to him, thrusting out my chest and batting my eyelashes as best I could. This sort of thing was typically beneath me (and Tracy's way better at it than I am, anyway) but my experience serving hot wings at Hooters hadn't been for naught. By the time I quit, I'd gotten pretty good at convincing men to do what I wanted.
"Excuse me," I said.
The guy didn't even bother looking up from the magazine he was reading. "No English," he answered reflexively.
I couldn't help but laugh. If he'd taken the effort just to glance in my direction, he'd have seen dark hair, dark skin, dark eyes—I'm as Latin as they come.
I switched over to Spanish and politely asked if he wouldn't mind letting my friends and I stay on the ride for a little longer next time. Like, maybe, thirty or forty minutes?
He looked me up and down, uncertain.
"She'll flash you," I said, pointing over to Tracy and her gigantic boobs.
"En serio?" he asked.
Triumphant, I walked back over to my friends and told them that he'd agreed to let the boats stay in the tunnel for the next half hour or so. It would be a memorable Christmas, indeed.
"Wow, you go girl!" Tracy exclaimed. "How did you manage to convince him?"
"I'll tell you once the ride's over."
And I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when I did.
As our swan-boat drifted back into the twinkling lights of the tunnel, I wasted no time maneuvering myself back onto Shane's lap, anxious for more action.
"You know, you're pretty awesome," he said to me.
"You're pretty awesome yourself, cutie."
I leaned in to kiss him, but he held me back and looked at me with those stunning, one-in-a-million eyes of his.
"No, seriously. Christmas has been kind of a downer for me the past couple of years. This is a really nice change."
"I'm glad," I whispered.
Then his eyes turned playful, once again. "Good thing I asked your friend to go out with me. We might never have met."
"Yeah, good thing," I agreed. Then I grabbed him by the hair and shut him up with a kiss.
Shane was a REALLY good kisser. He wasn't afraid to be the man, but he knew when to back off and tease me a little. I could get used to kissing this guy. He lightly nipped at my lower lip, and I felt a shock of arousal zap through my body and down between my legs.
I leaned back and unzipped my coat, enjoying the way Shane's gaze dropped appreciatively to my breasts. My nipples were poking through my blouse, screaming for some attention—so he leaned forward and licked me through the fabric.
Oh yeah... I could get used to that, too.
Still holding onto his hair, I pulled Shane's head fiercely against my chest and rubbed my boobs back and forth across his face. He moaned loudly through the meat of my tit and then pushed me away, panting. Those beautiful eyes looked ravenously hungry.
"Take you fucking shirt off," he ordered.
I was only too happy to obey, getting an extra kick out of the way his pelvis lurched beneath me the moment he saw my sexy new bra. I'd spent the better part of a day trying to find the perfect one in preparation for my date with Connor, and I was more than happy with my purchase. It was peach-colored and totally sheer, with loads of cleavage spilling out the top. The dark buds of my nipples were plainly visible through it, even in the low light of the tunnel.
Shane couldn't keep his hands off me.
After a few minutes of being groped, I decided that my lover had WAY too many clothes on. I pulled his sweater and his shirt off of his body in one fell swoop, then started exploring his bare chest with my hands. He was in much better shape than I'd expected—a swimmer's build, if I had to guess—and I gave myself a few minutes to enjoy caressing the lean, defined musculature of his abs while he fondled my tits.
The firmness of Shane's erection dug into my crotch, and our hips slowly rocked together, dry-humping in the darkness. I felt Shane's hands on my back, searching desperately for the clasp of my bra—which unfortunately for him was in the front. I spared him the trouble and just undid the thing myself, letting it snap off to either side as my unrestrained boobs bounced into his field of vision.
"Fuck yes," he breathed, stuffing my tit in his mouth.
Jesus that felt good.
Just as had been promised, our boat came to a stop in the middle of the tunnel. The lights continued to twinkle romantically around us, but shutting down the motorized track had the unexpected side-effect of killing all the cheesy music, as well—
Meaning the only sounds in the tunnel were coming from the four of us.
Noisy kisses and ecstatic moans echoed off the walls. I recognized the sound of Connor's desperate, shuddering breaths, and realized with a hint of jealousy that our friends in the next swan over were getting to the good stuff a bit faster than we were.
"Aw yeah, suck it!" Connor cried out.
He was so shamelessly loud, it was hilarious, but I couldn't deny the fact that hearing the two of them go at it was getting me more aroused than ever. I pulled Shane's eager lips off my erect nipple and playfully whispered, "Sounds like a good idea to me."
My lover moaned as I kissed my way down his chest, outlining the definition in his abs with my tongue.
As I lowered my body between his legs, I felt my naked breasts glide along the shape of his erection. Shane reflexively bucked his hips up into my chest, so I decided to prolong the moment a bit more, slowly sliding the weight of my tits back and forth across his lap.
"Aah!" he moaned.
Shane couldn't wait any longer. With shaking hands, he unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants, liberating his impressive cock into the night air. I delicately closed my hand around the shaft, briefly testing its firmness, then
I planted a big, wet kiss at the base. He throbbed with desire as I trailed my mouth up his rigid length, pressing the flat of my tongue against him as I went. When I finally reached the top, I relaxed my lips—hungry for him—and slipped the warm, smooth head of his cock into my mouth.
"Oh god..." he sighed.
For fun, I twisted my head to the side, feeling the shape of his cock as it stretched out the inside of my cheek.
After a few more licks, I pulled my mouth off of him and sat back—teasing his slick erection back and forth across my cleavage. The exquisite, almost pained look on Shane's face told me how close he was getting, and I couldn't bear the thought of extending his agony any longer.
"You can come, if you want," I whispered, flicking my tongue across his tip.
"Not—oh Jesus—Not yet."
Then he lifted me up—away from his pulsing erection—and stood me up on the bench beside him. My pants dropped to my ankles a second later, leaving Shane face-to-face with the soaked, sheer lace panties I had bought to match my new bra.
He yanked them down with his teeth.
Thinking quickly, Shane bundled up his discarded sweater and set it on the top of our swan as a makeshift pillow for me. When I sat on it, my legs hung down on either side of his face. Shane gripped my naked ass and playfully licked his way up the firm muscle of my inner thigh.
I definitely liked where this was going.
From my elevated vantage point, I could actually see down into the swan-boat in front of us, where Tracy and Connor were already fucking each other. My eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness of the tunnel that I had a clear view of Connor's broad, muscular back and the tops of Tracy's pale, bouncing breasts. She rode him hard, smothering his face with her enormous bosom.
Damn, those two looked hot. The sight of their frantic love-making was one of the sexiest things I'd ever witnessed—
But I forgot all about them the second Shane's talented tongue made contact with my criminally neglected pussy. The way he played with me—tugging at me with his lips, teasing and probing me with his tongue, perfectly satisfying my body's every unspoken urge—he was an artist. My insides melted like butter.
I leaned back, bracing my hands on the back of the swan—and let out a yelp as the freezing fiberglass made contact with my palms. Shane immediately backed away, worried he had somehow hurt me.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I laughed and explained, "Yeah, I just accidentally touched the boat. It's really cold."
"Maybe you should come back down here with me, where it's warm."
"Mmm, sounds good."
I hopped off the back of the swan and happily straddled Shane's lap once again—both of us completely naked, this time—luxuriating in the feel of his warm chest pressing against mine. We kissed again—hot and heavy—and I felt his hands slide down my back and over the firm globes of my ass. Apparently, he really liked my ass.
Shane moaned into my mouth as he squeezed, then he firmly pulled me forward, rubbing the rigid shaft of his penis against the soft fuzz of my pubic hair.
On shaky legs, I managed to raise myself up—lifting my body inch by inch—until I could feel the very tip of his cock pressing up into my cunt. I was so goddamn wet, it honestly took more effort to keep him from slipping in—but I wanted to prolong this moment for as long as I could...
"As long as I could" wound up being about four seconds. When I'd moved to position myself above him, I'd also inadvertently managed to shove my tits right back into Shane's face. His mouth enveloped my puffy, sensitive nipples, and I gave in. The muscles in my legs turned to jelly as I dropped down on him, all at once—taking him to the hilt—filling myself with that beautiful cock.
The twinkling Christmas lights in the tunnel became a blur. I tried looking into my lover's incredible eyes, but I was so light-headed with pleasure that everything was out of focus. The orgasmic screams of Tracy and Connor echoed all around us as Shane lifted me up the full length of his erection and then slammed me back down again.


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I'm getting close to getting caught up on my book lists and cruised past the halfway point in my goal of reading 60 books by time I turn 30 in September.
25. Action Research: A Guide for the Teacher Researcher by Geoffrey E. Mills
Obviously I chose this book for a bit of light-hearted reading; and it totally delivered. Luckily it was my last assigned reading book for grad school (woo hoo!) and it wasn't bad per say, it was just all about planning, conduction, and reporting action research which is obviously a riveting topic that everyone should delve into. It had a ton of great information, and was invaluable in the action research process, so if you're doing some action research in your classroom, I highly suggest it. If not, ditch it.
26. The Honest Truth by Dan Gemeinhart
One of my students brought this book to me because she had absolutely loved it and my kids know I'm always looking for new books. This did not fail. It was emotional and powerful and I'll be damned if I didn't throw it down at one point and refuse to continue reading because I didn't like what had just happened. But of course I had to finish and find out what happened, I'm so glad I did. I'm pretty sure 2/3 of my class has read this book over the last 3 months and every single one of them loved it. High praise from a group of 5th graders with very different book tastes.
27. The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
I actually didn't have a good idea of what this book was about before I started reading it. It showed up in my Books You May Like list in my library e-book app, so I downloaded it when I was pumping one day. It's a book all about girls from the 50's and 60's who gave their babies up for adoption because they were young, unwed mothers. The stories in this book were heartbreaking as many of the girls were forced into giving up their babies, or had no idea that it was even possible that they could keep their children. It was sad and frustrating at the same time. I did lose interest at some points because all of the stories were pretty similar, so they started to blend together.
28. Unenchanted by Chanda Hahn
Sometimes I swear I love young adult books way more than adult. This is one of those books that makes me think that. It's the first in a series called "An Unexpected Fairy Tale" and made me think a lot of the TV show Grimm. In the book, Mina discovers that she is a decedent of the brothers Grimm and that she is therefore cursed to battle the elements of different fairy tales. Her father was killed by the curse, and if she doesn't survive it, the curse will go after her younger brother who doesn't speak. I like the way Hahn incorporates fairy tale elements into the book without being cheesy or predictable, and I love how Mina is a dynamic character who grows as a person as she discovers just how strong she is.
29. The Burgess Boys by Elizabeth Strout
No lie, chose this book because half of it is set in Maine and that is a rare enough occurrence in media that it caught my attention. This book is about the Burgess siblings; Jim, Bob, and Susan. Jim and Bob escaped Maine to move to NYC as soon as they could, while Susan stayed behind. All are a mess, and it's clear that losing their father in a freak accident when they were young is the cause of that (the kids were in the car while the dad was getting the mail, and the car ran over the dad). The siblings end up coming back together when Susan's son is arrested for a hate crime, and Jim and Bob (both lawyers) come back home to help their nephew. I didn't love this book, but I felt compelled to find out what happened to everyone, so I kept reading.
30. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery
A classic. I've read this entire series too many times to count since my grandmother bought it for me when I was about 10. I started again, because one of my students picked up the series and was having a hard time with some of the vocabulary and understanding the time period. Then, of course, I got sucked back into the series and have been working through it since. I think this first book is my second favorite, because I love young Anne and how unpredictable she is. Her penchant for finding trouble borders on being ridiculous, but is also hilarious. And now I really need to find the movie version on DVD because I have no way to play my old VHS tape, and I love that movie.
31. Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery
Book two in the Anne series. I love how this book shows her growth commitment to fulfilling her dreams. Rereading these books for the first time in almost 10 years, I picked up on so many nuances and subtle details that I had missed when I last read them in high school.
32. The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins
This book is one of the best books I've read in a long time. I don't even know where to start with describing this book except to say that Hawkins is an amazing writer. The way she unravels a story with subtle details and descriptions is just phenomenal. I got to the end of the book and realized just how many times she hinted at the truth throughout the book, but I had missed it because I was so caught up in what was happening. This book reminds me a lot of Gone Girl in the way the story unfolds and the way the ending left me shocked, yet expecting it at the same time. In looking for a picture of the book cover, I was so excited to discover that it's being made into a movie that is coming out in October.
33. Fairest by Chanda Hahn
This is the second book in the Unexpected Fairy Tale series and it was just as good. Love the main character, Mina, and I love the use of fairy tale elements in a modern, mystical format. I'm only bummed that I can't seem to find the rest of the books through my library either in e-format or actual book. I'm hoping that they get them soon, because I'd like to see what happens next.


text:
Well, that came out of nowhere. After months of speculation that Conan O'Brien would end up at Fox, he'll instead start a new late-night show on TBS. It doesn't make much sense to me, but I guess it's about time they followed up on that "very funny" slogan.
"In three months I've gone from network television to Twitter to performing live in theater, and now I'm headed to basic cable," O'Brien said in the statement. "My plan is working perfectly."
He also Tweeted Monday: "The good news: I will be doing a show on TBS starting in November! The bad news: I'll be playing Rudy on the all new Cosby Show." [CNN]
The as-yet unnamed show will Monday through Thursday at 11 p.m. starting in September. Now, I know what you're saying. "But wait, that's George Lopez's time slot! WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO GEORGE LOPEZ?!?!?" Relax, Lopez is moving to midnight. It's such a shame that he bowed to the TBS's whim like that. He should have stood his ground like Conan did, and said that the 11 p.m. time slot is part of "Lopez Tonight's" legacy, and that moving it to midnight would make it a different show. Then he could do a national tour, just like Conan. Except instead of a big stage show, he'd just be hitchhiking and panhandling at bus stations.


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PS4 Firmware Update 1.70 Arrives on April 30th, More Details Coming Before Launch
The wait for PS4 firmware update 1.70 will only last a few more days, as both PlayStation Japan and PlayStation Europe have confirmed that we'll see the new firmware on Wednesday, April 30th.
North America still doesn't have an announced release date for 1.70, but it would be very strange if it wasn't April 30th The North American date for 1.70 has been confirmed as April 30th.
We've placed all the currently known update 1.70 notes below, with PlayStation Europe's Chris Owen teasing that "more details will be released before the firmware release:"
- The new rich video editor app for PS4, SHAREfactory, allows you to easily edit and customize your gameplay videos. After completing your videos, it will be easy to share them to Facebook, or you can export them to an external USB storage device and upload the clips elsewhere.
- Firmware update 1.70 will also feature the ability to change the recording time of your gameplay to shorter increments, the ability to change who you share your clips with on the SHARE screen, and the removal of default saves for screenshots and video clips.
- 1.70 allows you to turn off HDCP, giving you the ability to capture video directly from your HDMI output.
- Another added feature will be the ability to pre-download your pre-ordered games from the PlayStation Store up to several days before launch.
Here's a new video for PS4 firmware 1.70 (in Japanese) that may either help get you ready for the update, or just confuse you:
Once more details surrounding firmware update 1.70 are revealed, we'll let you know.


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A bill that would have made the Mashpee Wampanoag Tribe's road to an Indian casino less bumpy has once again stalled in the U.S. Senate.
A bill that would have made the Mashpee Wampanoag Tribe's road to an Indian casino less bumpy has once again stalled in the U.S. Senate.
This week, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., was poised to introduce a so-called "Carcieri fix" to the lame-duck session, but negotiations apparently broke down. The bill is aimed at leveling the playing field for tribes after a 2009 U.S. Supreme Court ruling questioned the federal government's authority to take land into trust for tribes recognized after 1934, the year of the Indian Reorganization Act.
In that ruling, so named because it involved a dispute between then-Rhode Island Gov. Donald Carcieri and the Narragansett tribe, the high court provided a strict interpretation of the word "now," meaning 1934 or before. The Mashpee tribe, which has a trust application pending for 140 acres in Taunton and 170 acres in Mashpee as its initial reservation, was recognized in 2007.
According to Tuesday's Congressional Record, Reid said he would push the legislation forward by filing for cloture — a procedure that blocks a Senate filibuster and requires a vote of 60 senators. Later that day, Reid reversed course.
"As I indicated this morning, we are trying to work our way through a number of issues," said Reid, according to the Congressional Record. "We thought we were going to be able to move toward the Carcieri matter this evening, but we are still negotiating this matter, so we are going to have to do that at some subsequent time."
When remains unclear.
A spokeswoman for Reid's office requested questions in writing, but did not respond Wednesday. "It's just a delay," Emily Deimel, a spokeswoman for the Senate Indian Affairs Committee, said Wednesday afternoon. "We expect it to be considered in this session."
U.S. Sen. Daniel Akaka, D-Hawaii, chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee, has said passing a Carcieri fix is a priority of the lame-duck session, and that remains true, Deimel said. Akaka, who has been in the Senate since 1990, is retiring and wants to leave with the issue resolved, she said.
Opponents to a Carcieri fix, including U.S. Sen. Diane Feinstein, D-Calif., have said they want a fix tied to changes in Indian gaming regulations, particularly "reservation shopping," a term for tribes picking land based on the best spots for casino gambling rather than their heritage.
The Mashpee tribe, which hopes to build a $500 million casino in Taunton, has long held the position that the Carcieri ruling does not apply to them because they can show the tribe was under federal jurisdiction when the Indian Reorganization Act was enacted.
Still, a Carcieri fix would help the tribe avoid inevitable lawsuits if the Bureau of Indian Affairs approves its land-in-trust application without Congress settling the high court ruling.
"While we don't need a fix in order to have land taken into trust, a resolution to the uncertainty caused by the Carcieri decision would certainly be welcome and would likely spur economic development and job creation throughout Indian country," Cedric Cromwell, chairman of the Mashpee Wampanoag Tribal Council, said in a prepared statement.
The land issue is significant to the tribe because at any time the Massachusetts Gaming Commission can put the Southeastern Massachusetts casino license out to competitive bid if it determines the tribe has exhausted its federal options.
The tribe already faces another significant federal hurdle. The compact reached between tribe leaders and Gov. Deval Patrick was rejected and the two sides are attempting to negotiate a compromise that will pass muster.